Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
CSTS | Department of Psychiatry | Uniformed Services University | 4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799 | www.CSTSonline.org

Helping Children UnderstandFrightening Events
The world can be a scary place
An important goal when talking
An important goal when talking withfor adults and even more so forwith children about frightening
children who don’t share the same
subjects is to help them make sensechildren about frightening subjects is toemotional or cognitive capacityof what they see and what theyhelp them make sense of what theyto understand frightening events
hear. Allow the child to lead thesee and what they hear.
that occur. Whether that be aconversation by asking, “Is there
hurricane, shooting, pandemic,
something that you saw/heard thator war, children are likely to be
you want to talk about?” Often, as
aware that something of significance has occurred based
adults, we make the mistake of either sharing too much orupon what they see or perceive around them. Under such
too little information with children, rather than providing
challenging circumstances, parents and caregivers may findthe information they need to make sense of what they haveit difficult to know how to help children understand what isseen or heard.
happening.
Here are several tips to help when children need toknow about difficult subjects:■ Limit their exposure to upsetting and unnecessary
details. For example, pay attention to and limit
children’s exposure to media, which often reports
intense and frightening information and images thatchildren may not understand or that can scare them.
■ Do not falsely reassure them or pretend the event
did not happen. When children become aware ofunsettling or frightening information, acknowledge
their awareness and their emotional response to create ashared understanding. Adults should never provide false
information to children about what has occurred, even
if the intention is to “protect” them. Even under very
difficult circumstances (e.g., suicide) children should beprovided basic facts about what happened. Withholding
important information or misleading children is likely
to make them feel less secure, and may result in themfearing that things are worse than they actually are. Let
children know whether and how the event will affecttheir day-to-day life.
■ Choose carefully what to share with them based upon
what they have seen or heard and provide information
to address the specific questions they have. Do not makeassumptions about what children know. Adults may
start a conversation with a comment like “I noticed thatyou were listening to the news about Ukraine. They
showed pictures of tanks moving through the streets.
I was wondering what you thought of that or if you
had any questions.” Children may or may not choose
to ask for more information. Even if not, parents andcaregivers can say “Even if you don’t have questions
now, I want you to know that you can always ask when
you do have questions. Even for adults, this kind ofnews can be confusing and scary.”■ Use language that communicates clear meaning
and is age-appropriate. Consider the child’s age anddevelopmental stage when deciding the amount, type,and complexity of information shared. For example,telling a preschool aged child that their grandfather is“gone” or “passed away” can be confusing, rather thansimply stating “Granddad died. Do you know what itmeans for someone to die?”■ Consider that multiple conversations may benecessary. All information need not be shared in asingle conversation, especially with younger children.
Reiterating facts will help them acknowledge andcomprehend the information you are sharing withthem.
■ Model how to manage strong emotions (e.g., fear,sadness, anger, grief) for children. Help them see that
adults may have similar feelings, but we manage thatContinued

fear by talking and sharing our feelings with others,
when appropriate. Strong emotions can also be sharedthrough physical play, storytelling, music, and artactivities.
■ Reassure children with physical comfort. Whenunder stress, children, particularly young children,
may benefit from a reassuring hug and physical contact
more than reassuring words.
■ Guide older children to reliable media and news
sources to receive accurate information and follow up
with them afterward to discuss what they read or saw,or to answer questions that they might have. Children
at different ages are likely to acquire information fromvarying sources, which may be purposefully overly
dramatized or inaccurate (e.g., social media). Pre-teens
and teenagers, in particular, may access informationfrom unreliable sources that creates greater confusion.
■ Consider consulting with professionals in yourcommunity, such as chaplains, health care providers,or behavioral health specialists, if you need additional
guidance about sharing difficult information withchildren in your life.

Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
Department of Psychiatry
Uniformed Services University
4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799
www.CSTSonline.org