CSTS | Department of Psychiatry | Uniformed Services University | 4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799 | www.CSTSonline.org‘Asking for Help’:
Do You Know How?

For many people, ‘asking for help’ is
The stress of deployments, single
Not asking for help, or asking too late,
not as easy as it sounds. Yet, not asking
parenting, family reintegration andfor help, or asking too late, can turn achanges in family routines due to
can turn a manageable situation intomanageable situation into something
separations or the injuries of war
something more serious…
more serious, which ultimately may
make ‘asking for help’ an important
require more care, and therefore moreskill for service members and militarytime.
families.
Not asking for help or asking too late can affect not justThis Courage to Care fact sheet provides 4 simple steps
one’s health and well being, but also that of one’s family,
involved in ‘asking for help’ as well as some reminders
especially one’s children.
on how to ask for help. Using these steps and reminders‘Asking for help’ is something we are taught from a very
will enable you to engage individuals and a multitude
young age. We learn to ask politely, communicate what weof available resources for health and mental health care,need, and then say ‘thank you’ once help is given. As we getfinancial advice, spiritual support and many aspects ofolder, asking for help is often confused with or feared as aevery day life (childcare, school and community services)personal weakness or vulnerability. In fact, asking for help isthat can be of benefit to you and those you love.
most often viewed as a sign of strength and good judgment.

Asking for Help: 4 Simple Steps
1. Accept: This is perhaps the most important step.
Acknowledging the need for assistance is important, butequally important is the willingness to accept help. Being
able to freely ask for help requires accepting limitations
and believing that you are truly deserving of the help.
2. Assess: Take the time to think through exactly what
you need. This allows you to think about what is ‘mostimportant’ and help shape your request. Most people
will be willing to help when you ask. Help them by being
specific on how they can help.
3. Ask!: This is your time to take action and where you
make the request! Remember, in-person requests are
best — but not always possible. Being courteous, direct,
and specific regarding the request are the rules.
4. Again: As with any skill, it requires practice. So, if it
helped, do it again! A nice final touch would not only beto thank the person, but also to share about how muchhe/she has helped.

Reminders■ Be resourceful — Think about who may be able to help

(even those who might say no).

■ Be courteous — Asking nicely goes a long way. Mostpeople are willing to help with both big and small tasks.
Always say, “thank you”, whether they agree to help youor not.

■ Be specific — Most people are willing to help, they justhave to know ‘how’. Being specific allows for best results.
It helps others understand how they can best help you.
Remember, you are in the position of knowing what you
need. Others can’t read your mind.

■ Be flexible — Your plan of how others can help may notbe the only one. If different ways to help are suggested,take time to consider these.

■ Be grateful —Most important for completing thecycle of “asking” is to say “thank you.” This recognizes
another’s contribution and strengthens the relationship(just in case help is needed again).

Just as with any skill, ‘asking for help’ gets easier themore you practice it. Remember — asking for help is a signof strength. Being able to identify needs and act accordingly
are essential for being successful. In many ways, asking forhelp has many benefits. It can make life easier for you andyour family, and give the individual who helps you a senseof accomplishment and goodwill.