How to Make Friends and Interact With People
By Owain Cooke – Daiwa Scholar 2023
As cliche as it sounds, by far the most important part of the Scholarship for me has been thepeople I have met in Japan. One can learn Japanese from textbooks, do remote work experienceand Google landmarks if one is desperate to see them. What one cannot do without being in acountry is engage with people socially. However, it is hard to know where to start. I have also
heard people say it is hard full stop, but I disagree. I have found Japan to be a very friendly
country, but before I did so it was with some trepidation that I set out into the world’s largest
city with the aim of making friends. Below are some phenomena it helps to understand andattitudes it is useful to adopt if one is to make friends in Japan.
Arrival
On arrival, it is likely that you will know no one and with the start of term four weeks away, one
has the mixed blessing of time to get one’s bearings but also no clear place or way to meetanyone. There are, however, phenomena which it helps to understand.
Night and Day
I have heard Tokyo, like London, accused of being cold and unfriendly. The similarity makes
sense. Both are large cities crammed with people busily going about their jobs with no time or
inclination to talk to people who, understandably, will appear like dawdling tourists.
Unlike London, this unfriendliness does have its watershed. Around 21:00, Tokyo’s poker-facebreaks into a smile. It was explained to me that this relates to the strict work culture.
During the working day, one’s full attention should be to their job, after which it is common forcolleagues to venture into the city for a drink. 21:00 represents the rough time that the boss willtell his underlings that they may relax and by about 21:30, sufficient high balls (whisky and soda
water, a Japanese watering hole staple) have been consumed such that the act of relaxation
may be carried out.
This night and day difference can be seen really as just one example of a wider concept which isthat there are hard lines as to what constitutes acceptable conduct. Take the night and day
difference as imparting two lessons. First, read the room. Second, situation dictates behaviour.
If you want to find people when they are relaxed and feel able to chat, after 21:00 is usually yourbest bet.
Location
Location matters for the reasons stated above but in the context of making friends there is aspecific and important prescription that one wishing to make friends early on would do best to
take in whatever they find most effective. That cure for the British expat, ailed withfriendlessness, is Hub. Hub is a chain of ‘British’ pubs that can be found all over Tokyo with analmost pub-like feel and slightly overpriced drinks. That may not seem like a ringing
endorsement and one probably has an image of a place reminiscent of a bar in Benidorm filledwith Brits assuring you that there’s no need to speak the language and complaining about

foreign food. Admittedly, I have come across the odd patron who fits that mould. However, thatis not who you are there to talk to. What Hub all but can guarantee which almost nowhere else
can, is a large, mostly Japanese clientele, open to talking to foreigners and often with justenough English to do so. Just enough is key. Hub presents an opportunity for symbiosis where
Japanese and Brit may exchange imperfect attempts at the other’s language and thus gain
invaluable practice. What one learns in Minna No Nihongo’s pages has its uses, but ask
yourself the question, ‘How long could I stand to listen to someone talk about how he wakes up
and eats breakfast every week day at half past nine?’ I am a firm believer that being able tospeak a language is only half the battle. For that to be of any use, someone has to want to listen
to you. This grammatically unsound loose pub chat is a chance to learn Japanese humour,social skills and thereby, make friends.
LineShould your conversation go sufficiently well, you may wish to keep in touch with your friend
from Hub. Having done so myself I can assure you that the experience has always beenentertaining. To do this, you should use Line. This app is almost identical to Whatsapp except
for the fact that in Japan everyone seems to have the former and no one has the latter. To
exchange Line’s, using a QR code appears to be the correct form.
Now that we are clear on the procedural aspects of pre-Waseda friend making, it is important tobear in mind some helpful attitudes to adopt.
ShamelessBy far the most important. When I arrived in a continent, let alone country, on which I had neverset foot with only six weeks of the language under my belt, one truth was starkly clear to me.
There was no way I could avoid looking silly. With no idea what was going on, nor the language
to ask for an explanation, it was inevitable that faux pas would be committed andmisunderstandings created fairly regularly. Whether that was opening a conversation in nightclubs with ‘Ohayou gozaimasu’, having forgotten every other greeting I had learned orattempting to order ramen by repeating ‘niku ramen kudasai’ to the confused looking chef, such
incidents were frequent. But, far more importantly, they were utterly unimportant. I
successfully acquired the meat ramen I had so desired and my now girlfriend remembers myrather odd greeting with fondness. The fact is that being rather bumbling and confused makes
one far more endearing, and means one is cut a lot more slack, than someone with a confident
grasp of language and social convention. My advice is to get over social embarrassment andleave any pretensions of looking cool at Heathrow. Being quiet will not help either. If you want tomake friends, you have to talk to people.
OpenWhen I arrived in Japan I came up with a policy for responding to statements I did notunderstand, a policy to which I still strictly adhere. Whenever I do not understand, I simply say,‘Yes.’ Not only does this save time and hassle or making people repeat themselves adnauseam, probably the fastest way to kill a conversation, it also introduces you to experiences
you, quite literally, could not have anticipated. Whether it’s choosing a restaurant order or
making plans to head out somewhere new, it is, in my experience, best to say yes. Japan isincredibly safe and very interesting. A willingness and openness to new experiences will makeyou far more likeable. An anxious attempt to micromanage the new and unknown will make you
seems a bit of a killjoy.
EmpathyIt is important that one has empathy in their interactions in Japan. One thing in particular isworth bearing in mind. Japan is very ethnically homogenous and this has a number of knock-on
effects. Here I can only speak of my own experience, but I am sure that it is not only to me thatmuch of this applies.
I get stared at. A lot. Being 6ft3 with long blonde hair, that did not come as any great shock tome. In the context of Tokyo, I am exotic and strange. People will sometimes say things which, ina British context, would seem insensitive. This is where one needs to use their empathy. In acountry which is 97% ethnically Japanese, political correctness has simply not developed in thesame way it has in the UK. Note, I did not say ‘less’. It is almost certainly the case that Japanesepeople are aware of issues which we are not. So remember, this is not the UK, nor should you
expect it to be. Personally, I have had had no experiences where I have felt any ill will wasdirected towards me for being foreign. People sometimes say things which seem clumsy, but inmy experience it has all seemed entirely innocent.
The need for empathy goes well beyond just this example. Bear the different context in mind
and empathise with why things are the way they are.
WasedaBy studying at one of Japan’s top four universities, you have an excellent opportunity to makefriends with your fellow students outside the language school. There are a few places to do this.
Circles
The number one easiest way to meet people and make friends at Waseda is through circles.
They are basically student societies. There are myriad and there is a website full of them. The
easiest way to get involved in my experience has been to message their instagram pages. I am
currently a member of the Waseda GW Rugby Club and the Waseda Barbell Club. If you do notplay sport, that is no reason not to join a circle. Everyday in the student centre I see dancecircles, music circles and a circle whose purpose I cannot divine but who invariably seem to becarrying large pieces of plywood around and covering the floor with paint. If all that sounds still
too physical, I have a friend at Meiji University who is part of the Disney Circle. I am sure thatWaseda will have one similar. Being in the centre for Japanese language one does not get tointerract with the normal Waseda student body so if you want to make friends, join a circle.
Student Life
Outside of class, the most popular spot for Waseda students is Takadanobaba. It is an area twostops north of Shinjuku home to many izakaya, restaurants and for that reason, my residence.
Izakaya are the most common type of Japanese drinking venue and are somewhere between
restaurant and pub. Going with a group of students is a great way to get to know people outsideof university.

I have also heard that the smoking area outside Takadanobaba rail station is a social hotspot
but I have never tested this intelligence. It is certainly lively at night so if you are a smoker andback your casual Japanese chat, give it a visit.
Waseda Events
There are a number of big events in the Waseda Calendar. The biggest is Waseda Festival.
Campus becomes covered in stalls, mostly selling food, with events put on by the circles suchas live music and dance. However, speaking entirely objectively, by far the most important
event is Mr Waseda. Described as the event to decide Mr Waseda’s Best Face, Personality and,most importantly, Muscular student, this is without a doubt the best bodybuilding show or live
event I have ever seen. The production, crowd and competitors were all genuinely impressive. A
highlight was sitting next to the eventual winner’s kimono-clad mother as she rooted for her
son’s victory. This passage, honestly, has only tangential relation at best to making friends. I
suppose my point is, really, that getting involved with random events such as these can point
you in the direction of things you might like to do and the sort of people you might want to meetat Waseda. On the strength of this event I joined the Barbell Club.
There are certain ways one needs to act in order to make the most of being at Waseda. This is
not just a language school. It is a proper university. A big and prestgious one at that. There isreal benefit to getting involved.
Proactive
If you simply go to classes and go home, you could probably go through the entire experience ofbeing at Waseda’s Center [they use American spelling] For Japanese Language without actuallyinteracting with a single Japanese student. You need to make the effort to get involved with theactual student body if you are to make friends. This does require you to go out of your way to doso but it is definitely worth it. My friends from playing rugby are among the closest I have madehere. Before you think you need to be elite at whatever activity it is, I have not played a single
match. In fact, I went to a handful of training sessions and before a collision with my friend’s
forehead tore my shoulder blade from my collar bone. It has not seemed to matter that I am far
from the team sheet when it comes to getting close to the club. That said, you do have to makethe effort to join in.
Conform
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. I feel this is a matter of basic manners and that given it isDaiwa Scholars who choose to go to Japan, one can fairly be expected to do a certain amount offitting in. The Japanese have a saying that looks at this issue from the other perspective, ‘The
nail that sticks out is hammered flat.’ Conformity is immensely important in Japanese culture
and it is probably the quickest way you can show that you are respectful and not going to cause
more trouble than you are worth. Think of it as a compromise. If you want to join a circle andaccess the social benefits it holds, you should also conform to its rules.
Gratitude
I think it is also important to be grateful to those who usher you into their social group or
university circle. The chances are, particularly when it comes to circles, that you are a liability,

at least slightly. You are being given an excellent opportunity and people have, in myexperience, been kind and generous with helping me. It is important to be grateful for that help.
Making friends here will make a massive difference to your time in Japan, do wonders for yourability to speak the language and help you access parts of the country that would be out ofreach as a foreigner. Make sure to show the friends you make gratitude for this.