DISCUSSION GUIDEEJACULATE RESPONSIBLY
BY GABRIELLE BLAIR
About the book:
In a series of 28 brief arguments, author Gabrielle Blair deftly makes
the case for moving the abortion debate away from controlling andlegislating women’s bodies and instead directs the focus on men’s lackof accountability in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
Highly readable, accessible, funny, and unflinching, Blair builds herargument by walking readers through the basics of fertility (men are 50times more fertile than women), the unfair burden placed on womenwhen it comes to preventing pregnancy (90 perscent of the birthcontrol market is for women), the wrongheaded stigmas around birthcontrol for men (condoms make sex less pleasurable, vasectomies arescary and emasculating), and the counterintuitive reality that men, who
are fertile 100 percent of the time, take little to no responsibility forpreventing pregnancy.
The result is a compelling and convincing case for placing theresponsibility—and burden—of preventing unwanted pregnancies awayfrom women and onto men.

About the author:
Gabrielle Stanley Blair is the founder of Alt Summit, the blockbuster biannualconference for lifestyle bloggers and creative entrepreneurs, currently in its twelfthyear. She is also the founder of DesignMom.com. Started in 2006, it has been nameda Website of the Year by Time magazine, praised as a top parenting blog by The WallStreet Journal, Parents, and Better Homes & Gardens, and won the Iris Award for
Blog of the Year. Her first book, Design Mom: How to Live with Kids, a New York Times
bestseller, was published in 2015 by Artisan.
On her website, Gabrielle covers the intersection of design and parenting, with thoughtful posts on topics
like how to talk to your kids about sex, family travel, food kids will really eat, political issues, and familyfriendly design.
Gabrielle and her husband, Ben Blair, have six children—Ralph, Maude, Olive, Oscar, Betty, and Flora June.
Her family divides their time between the United States and France. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter@designmom.

Praise for EJACULATE RESPONSIBLY:"Blair’s fresh reframe should be required reading
for any person who has sex, wants to have sex
or is raising someone who might have sex in thefuture. This slender book has what it takes to be thefoundation for a movement."—Washington Post

"Flashes of acerbic humor and eye-opening statistics
bolster Blair’s common-sense case. This polemic has
the power to change minds."—Publishers Weekly"Slim but mighty tome."—Booklist

DISCUSSION GUIDE
Thank you for selecting EJACULATE RESPONSIBLY
for your Book/Discussion Group!
This resource was created to help your book/discussion group digest the arguments laid out in Ejaculate
Responsibly. The hope is that you all come away with a solid understanding and new perspective on whatcauses the unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortion, and actionable steps for improving conversations,practices, and policies around these issues. This guide has been designed to facilitate your book/discussion
group to get the most out of your time together with Ejaculate Responsibly, so please use this guide inwhatever way helps you, and disregard anything about it that you don’t find helpful. You know what will
work best for your group.

A few points about EJACULATE RESPONSIBLY:• Most people can read the book in 2–3 hours, often in one sitting.
•T he book is composed of 28 short, standalone arguments. People will be able to meaningfully participate inyour group’s conversation even if they have only read or reviewed a few of the arguments.
• The arguments can be divided into two groups: arguments that articulate biological facts (e.g., Men are
50 times more fertile than women; Sperm live for up to 5 days, etc.); and arguments that draw out theimplications of those biological facts (e.g., We need to shift our focus to men; Pregnancy should not be apunishment, etc.)

A few approaches to discussing EJACULATE RESPONSIBLY with your bookor discussion group:
Assign a handful of members to come prepared to share a passage or argument (or several passages orarguments) and present or lead a discussion about their selection(s).
If you like this option, you may want to coordinate to make sure the presenters or discussion leaders areprepared and that they have selected a good variety of topics/arguments.
Ask each member to come prepared to share with the group a passage or a few passages that they foundmeaningful or compelling.
If you like this option, you can use the meeting time to discuss these passages.
Have each member pick one argument or a handful of arguments that they found especially meaningful
or compelling, and to share their thoughts.
If you like this option, you can use the meeting time to focus on the arguments the most members foundmeaningful or compelling.
Try to discuss as many of the arguments as you can in the time you have for your group. (You may need to
be strategic to ensure you cover the arguments you find most valuable.)
If you like this option, one way to go about it is to divide your group into chapters for thebook—so three participants would cover the first 5–10 arguments; three others would cover the next
5–10 (or however it makes sense to divide up the arguments), and so on until every argument you want toaddress is addressed.
If you have a larger group, you may want to have smaller subgroups discuss parts of the book together first, thenhave each group present highlights of their discussion for the whole group. Then the whole group can spend any
remaining time discussing favorite ideas, passages, arguments, etc.
If you don’t already do this, we recommend that participants have a paper and pencil nearby to help keep
track of different points and arguments that come up in conversation.

DISCUSSION GUIDEQUESTIONS/PROMPTS TO DISCUSS GENERAL THEMES AND ARGUMENTS OF THE BOOK:
1. Think for one minute: How would your life
be different if you didn’t have to worry about
pregnancy, regardless of your sexual activity? Are
there any specific, practical changes you would
make to your daily, weekly, or monthly routines?
Would it free up any mental/emotional stressor bandwidth? Note how responses might differ
depending on the gender makeup of your group.
2. What would the consequences be for women if theburden of preventing pregnancy was simply taken
off the table? Would this change if you were aman? Or if you are a man, would this change if you
were a woman?
3. If your group is composed of men and women, do
they respond differently to the arguments madein the book? If your group is all women, how doyou think men would respond to this book? If yourgroup is all men, how do you think women wouldrespond to this book?

8. How does the book leave you feeling? Hopeful?
Angry? Excited? Fearful? Some combination orsomething else entirely? What would you say are
the key reasons for your emotional response(s) tothis book?
9. How (if at all) would your life have been different
if the arguments of Ejaculate Responsibly werecommonly accepted years ago?
10. What statistics or figures were new to you or
surprised you?
11. What (if any) preconceptions or biases did you
learn you had over the course of reading Ejaculate
Responsibly?

4. W
 hat is your response to the book in general?
What arguments, anecdotes, or passages stick out?
5. T hink for one minute: Is it fair to say that men
cause all unwanted pregnancies? Doesn’t it “taketwo to Tango?” (Note: This is a default initial
criticism leveled by someone unfamiliar with thearguments in Ejaculate Responsibly.)
6. Our legal framework is focused on abortion, but
Blair makes a case that if we focus much more on
responsible ejaculation, abortion will take care ofitself. Do you agree? Is responsible ejaculation abetter focus than abortion?
Why or why not?
7. The last chapter is titled “This is how to takeaction.” In light of the arguments in this book,what are meaningful actions we could take now orin the near future? What would it look like if oureducational, legal, and political systems embraced
the ideas of this book? What would it take to makethis a reality? How do we take a meaningful step inthat direction?

'DISCUSSION GUIDEDISCUSSION PROMPTS FOR EACH ARGUMENT:

Argument

Related Prompt(s)1. Men are 50 times more fertile
than women.

Before reading this book, had you ever been presented with this comparison? If so,
what was the context? Blair makes this comparison the first argument of the book---doyou agree that it deserves such prominence? If not, what argument does deserve thatprominence?

2. Sperm live for up to 5 days.

Many of the arguments in this book state basic biological facts. Is this important? Are
these facts not commonly known or understood? Do they have implications that aren’t
commonly understood?

3. Women’s fertility isunpredictable.

There appears to be some basic misunderstanding about women’s menstruation andfertility. Ask around. Do those close to you believe that women’s fertility is predictable?

4. Ovulation is involuntary,ejaculation is not.

How does the fact that ejaculation is voluntary (in the context of a couple havingsex) contribute to the conclusion that men are responsible for causing unwanted
pregnancies?

5. Birth control for women is
hard to access and hard touse.

Share your experiences with women’s birth control. Do these experiences align with thethesis of this argument? What is it like for women to procure birth control?

6. Birth control for men is easy
to access and easy to use.

Share your experiences with men’s birth control, with a focus on condoms orvasectomies. Do these experiences align with the thesis of this argument? What is it
actually like for men to procure birth control?

7. Society clings to the idea that
men hate condoms.

Do you agree that American society teaches that men hate condoms? Have you noticed
subtle or not-so-subtle suggestions that this is the case in your experience (personal orthrough media?)

8. Vasectomies are lessrisky than tubal ligations.

Have you considered vasectomies and tubal ligations as comparably risky procedures?
Or have you heard others consider them comparable? Have you heard them presented
as quite different (in terms of risk)? Share what that experience was like.

9. We expect women to do
the work of pregnancy
prevention.

Share your experiences about women currently doing the work of pregnancy
prevention. Or share. Talk about what the burden of pregnancy prevention amounts to(psychological, emotional, a couple’s relationship, etc.). In the dedication, Blair writes:“To the people of the future who get to live their lives with no anxiety about unwanted
pregnancies, and to the responsible ejaculators who I’m confident can and will make thatpossible.” Speculate on what that would look/feel like to have the burden of or anxiety
about unwanted pregnancies removed, or in large part lifted, from women.

10. We don’t mind if women
suffer, as long as it makes
things easier for men.

Do you agree with this statement? Share experiences that confirm or counter this claim.

11. Society teaches that theman’s pleasure is the purpose
and priority of sex.

Share examples of how men’s pleasure is the priority of sex. Or counterexamples.

DISCUSSION GUIDE
12. Women can be impregnatedwithout experiencing
pleasure.

This is another argument that centers around a biological fact. What are the important
implications that pleasure is inextricably tied to men’s ability to impregnate and totally
unrelated to a woman’s ability to be impregnated?

13. M en cause all unwantedpregnancies.

This argument is a singular bold claim. But it is fairly uncontroversial if we accept thatan unwanted pregnancy is only caused when a man ejaculates inside a vagina when bothpartners are not trying to conceive. Is this a fair claim to make? Do you agree that men
cause all unwanted pregnancies?

14. We expect women to beresponsible for their own
bodies AND for men’sbodies.

Share experiences of women being responsible for their own bodies and for men’s bodies(especially as concerns avoiding pregnancy). Have you yourself experienced this orwitnessed close family members or friends demonstrating this expectation (in words ordeeds)? What did that look/feel like?

15. We need to shift our focus
to men.

This book is obviously written in an effort to shift the focus to men in the unwanted
pregnancy and abortion discussion. What would it take to meaningfully make that shift?
Who are the important parties that would need to make the shift? Politicians? Media?
Educators? Men? Women?

16. Holding men accountable for
their actions does not makewomen victims.

Blair notes that a typical criticism of her argument that men cause all unwanted
pregnancies is that this (theoretically) takes away all accountability from women. But noone seems to be troubled by the fact that women currently (actually) do all the work ofpregnancy prevention, which takes away all accountability from me.
In both cases, one party is not held accountable. How do you account for people being
bothered by a theoretical suggestion while being unbothered by an actual reality?
Blair argues that holding men accountable for their actions is not a statement on womenand does not in any way make women victims. Do you agree?

17. The uneven power dynamic
between men and womenis real and can turn violent
quickly.

This argument presents many subtle statements with big implications for power
dynamics. Have you experienced these types of power dynamics or something similar?
Share your experiences or experiences you’ve witnessed in the media or elsewhere. How
do power dynamics affect the impact of and response to seemingly simple statements orrequests?

18. A woman can’t walk out on apregnancy.

Women are inextricably and physically bound to a pregnancy in a way that men aren’t.
Share your experiences where this is (or isn't) the case.

19. W e’re not honest about
pregnancy and childbirth.

Do you agree that our culture and our politicians aren’t realistic about the burden andrisks of pregnancy and childbirth? What would it look like if they were?

20. The realities and burdens ofparenting are unfathomable.

Share your experiences about the challenges of parenting—either from direct personal
experience or stories of those around you.

21. P regnancy should not be apunishment.

Have you encountered arguments or claims or suggestions that pregnancy is anappropriate punishment for someone’s behavior? Share examples you’ve personallyencountered.

22. A
 doption is not analternative to abortion.

Adoption is often presented as a preferable alternative to abortion. Have you
encountered this claim? Did this chapter challenge or confirm your views on adoption or
its utility as a welcome alternative to abortion? Whether it challenged or confirmed yourviews, how did it do so?

DISCUSSION GUIDE
23. There are zero consequencesfor men who ejaculate
irresponsibly.

This argument claims that there are no consequences for men who ejaculate
irresponsibly—do you agree? Share experiences that confirm or counter this claim.

24. Sperm are dangerous.

Blair suggests that American sex ed and cultural practices have underplayed how
dangerous sperm are. Do you agree that sperm are dangerous? Do you agree that thishas been underemphasized? In your experience, how has sperm been treated in media
references and sex ed? Is this treatment appropriate? Why or why not?

25. M en have more controlof their bodies and sexualurges than we like to admit.

One of the arguments against men being responsible for causing unwanted pregnancies
is that men can’t control their sexual urges. Have you encountered such claims? Do
you believe that men have more control than we like to admit? Share experiences that
confirm or counter this claim.

26. M en can easily prevent
abortions but choose notto.

Blair makes the claim that men could easily prevent abortions, but they choose not to.
Do you believe this is true? What actions could be taken—both on the individual andsystemic leve—to encourage and support men to take a more central role in preventing
abortions?

27. We know what works.

Blair makes claims about how we can prevent unwanted pregnancies. Would you add ortake away anything? What would this look like in practice at a local andstate level?

28. This is how to take action.

What would it look like for men to take responsibility for their actions related to causing
unwanted pregnancies? What would it look like for American society and culture toembrace the ideas of this book? What would change in our educational, political, or legalsystems?

A word of reassurance for any participants who may feel uneasy about the topic:
If you or any participants in your group are uneasy about discussions surrounding abortion, or if you
know or suspect that members of the group fall on differnet sides of the abortion debate and worry thatthe discussion may become combative or emotional, we want to ease your concerns.
Ejaculate Responsibly is not explicitly about abortion or any of the familiar arguments or imagery
surrounding the current abortion debate, such as when life begins, “the unborn,” graphic descriptionsof violence, women’s bodily autonomy, rape, incest, or how many weeks into a pregnancy is too manyfor an abortion. Ejaculate Responsibly’s sole focus is on the circumstance that leads to 99 percent ofabortions—an unwanted pregnancy—and the reality that every unwanted pregnancy is caused by anirresponsible ejaculation by a man.
In other words, no matter where members of your group fall on the abortion debate, if you focus
your discussion on the arguments laid out in Ejaculate Responsibly, you will side step the talking points
and arguments that have stymied conversation for decades and, we hope, come away with a fresh
perspective on the topic.

DISCUSSION GUIDE
Thank You and Request for Feedback
Thank you for reading Ejaculate Responsibly with your book/discussion group. We hope the discussion
was lively and that all participants left with a robust understanding of and appreciation for the role that
men and their irresponsible ejaculations play in causing unwanted pregnancies. We hope that participantsin the discussion are now more likely to discuss and share ideas and arguments from Ejaculate Responsiblywith others and to recommend the book to friends, family, coworkers, and others. We firmly believe thatthe ideas in this book can change the discourse around abortion and move toward practical frameworks
and productive conversations.
If you would like to help more, we are interested in hearing from your group. We are especiallyinterested in hearing first-person stories from readers that can give additional context and color tothese arguments. We are also interested in your experience reading the book as a whole or discussingthe book with your book/discussion group. If you are interested in sharing one or more relevant
experiences, please send (or recommend to members of your group to send) examples to this form.
The form gives you an option to remain anonymous. Your responses may be used by Gabrielle Blair (andher agents) to add context as she shares or explains the arguments in Ejaculate Responsibly in podcasts,
media interviews, etc. Responses will not be shared with any other group, or for any other purpose.
Thank you!!