Outline
I had a great time during my vacation in Hawaii.
1. Snorkel
A. fishB. dolphin

2. KayakA. turtles
B. bird sanctuary

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using ←
a snorkel, I could see
fishI even saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another activity I
while I was snorkeling.
Kayak
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
While paddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using theswimming near
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using a snorkel, I could see
fishI even← saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another activity I
while I was snorkeling.
Kayak
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
While paddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using theswimming near
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using a snorkel, I could see
fishI even saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another←while I was snorkeling.
activity I
Kayak
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
While paddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using theswimming near
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using a snorkel, I could see
fishI even saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another activity I
while I was snorkeling.
Kayak←
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
Whilepaddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using theswimming near
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using a snorkel, I could see
fishI even saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another activity I
while I was snorkeling.
Kayak
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
While paddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see←turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using theswimming near
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had atime
great time
duringmyvacation
I had a great
duringmyvacationin Hawaii.
in Hawaii. Oneof theactivities I enjoyed1. Snorkel
was snorkeling.
Using a snorkel, I could see
fishI even saw a dolphin
lots of colorful A.fish.
B. dolphin Another activity I
while I was snorkeling.
Kayak
enjoyed was2.kayaking.
While paddling theA. turtles
kayak in the sea,
I could see turtles
B. thebird surface.
sanctuary Using←swimming nearthekayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Turn outline into sentences
I had a great time during my vacationin Hawaii. One of the activities I enjoyed
was snorkeling. Using a snorkel, I could seelots of colorful fish. I even saw a dolphin
while I was snorkeling. Another activity I
enjoyed was kayaking. While paddling the
kayak in the sea, I could see turtles
swimming near the surface. Using the
kayak I could visit a bird sanctuary on asmall island. It was a fun vacation, so I
want to go back to Hawaii.

Use an outline
while revisingOutlines for revising• Outline can help you revise or judge the paper• Enough support?
• Order clear and logical?
• Points balanced?
• Anything not related to the topic?

Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising

My hometown and mycollegehave several
My hometown
andtown
my college
town havethingsin common.
several thingsin common.
First, both are small
rural communities.
A. 田舎 For example, my hometown
has a populationof only about 10,000 people.
1. ふるさた：10,000人
Similarly, my college
town consists of about
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
11,000 localB.residents,
but there are 15,000
農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ
people when thecollege students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising

My hometown and mycollegehave several
My hometown
andtown
my college
town havethingsin common.
several thingsin common.
First, both are small
rural communities.
A. 田舎 For example, my hometown
has a populationof only about 10,000 people.
1. ふるさた：10,000人
Similarly, my college
town consists of about
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
11,000 localB.residents,
but there are 15,000
農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ
people when thecollege students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising

My hometown and mycollegehave several
My hometown
andtown
my college
town havethingsin common.
several thingsin common.
First, both are small
rural communities.
A. 田舎 For example, my hometown
has a populationof only about 10,000 people.
1. ふるさた：10,000人
Similarly, my college
town consists of about
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
11,000 localB.residents,
but there are 15,000
農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ
people when thecollege students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising

My hometown and mycollegehave several
My hometown
andtown
my college
town havethingsin common.
several thingsin common.
First, both are small
rural communities.
A. 田舎 For example, my hometown
has a populationof only about 10,000 people.
1. ふるさた：10,000人
Similarly, my college
town consists of about
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
11,000 localB.residents,
but there are 15,000
農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ
people when thecollege students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town haveseveral things in common. First, both are small
rural communities. For example, my hometown
has a population of only about 10,000 people.
Similarly, my college town consists of about
11,000 local residents, but there are 15,000
people when the college students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising

My hometown and mycollegetown
have several
My hometown
andmy college
town havethingsin common.
several thingsin common.
First, both are small
rural communities.
A. 田舎 For example, my hometown
has a populationof only about 10,000 people.
1. ふるさた：10,000人
Similarly, my college
town consists of about
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
11,000 localB.residents,
but there are 15,000
農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ
people when thecollege students are attendingclasses. A second way in which these two towns
are similar is that they are both located infarming areas. My hometown is surrounded byfarmland which is devoted mainly to growing
corn and soybeans.
(adapted from Walters 2011, TOEFL-prep writing practice)Outlines for revising
My hometown and my college town have several
things in common.
A. 田舎
1. ふるさた：10,000人

hometown + college town

2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人

B. 農業
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ

only hometown

Remove agriculture → only one point. 

Add college town agriculture →Outlines for revising
I recommend that
My hometown and my college town have several
you add information
things in common.
about agriculture in
A. 田舎
your college hometown
town. + college town
1. ふるさた：10,000人
2. 大学の町：11,000～15,000人
That will make theB. 農業
points moreonly
balanced.
hometown
1. 大豆、トウモロコシ

Remove agriculture → only one point. 

Add college town agriculture →Peer revising• Outline your partner’s paragraph.
• Enough support?
• Order clear and logical?
• Points balanced?
• Anything not related to the topic?

• Give some advice to improve the paragraph.