--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

ASSERT YOURSELF!

Module FourHow to Behave More Assertively
Assertiveness Techniques

2Basic Assertion

2Empathic Assertion

3

Consequence Assertion

4

Discrepancy Assertion

5

Negative Feeling Assertion

5Broken record

6Practising the techniques

8

Module summary

9

About this module

10This information provided in this document is for information purposes only. Please refer to thefull disclaimer and copyright statements available at www.cci.health.gov.au regarding theinformation on this website before making use of such information.

•forCentrelinicalC Interventions••Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

Assertiveness Techniques
In this module we introduce some general assertiveness techniques. These techniques canbe used across a wide range of situations. Module 7 has some assertiveness techniques
specifically for with dealing with criticism.
When you practice these techniques it can be useful to begin practising them in a neutral
situation. By this we mean one where your emotions aren’t too strong. Then as you
become more skilled you can begin using them in more difficult or emotional situations.
Remember, as with any new skill you learn, the first time you try these techniques they may
not go the way you planned. It is important you don’t beat yourself up about this but look atwhat went wrong and how you might do it differently next time. And then have another go!
Over time you will find that they get easier.

Warning! Remember the Nonverbal
With each of the techniques it is important to remember the nonverbal communication as
well as the verbal. You may think you are being assertive because you are using a particularassertiveness technique; however it is possible to use all of these in an aggressive or apassive way if you are not careful with your nonverbal communication. To make sure you
are using assertive nonverbal communication keep your voice calm, the volume normal, thepace even, keep good eye contact, and try and keep your physical tension low. If you can’t
remember all the ways you can be assertive nonverbally, reread Module 2.

Basic Assertion
Basic assertion is when we make a statement that expresses clearly our needs, wants,beliefs, opinions or feelings. This type of assertion can be used every day to make our needs
known. Typically basic assertion uses “I” statements. Examples of an “I” statement are:•“I need to be away by 5 o'clock"•"I feel pleased with the way the issue has been resolved"

You can also use basic assertion to give praise or compliments, information or facts, orwhen raising an issue with someone for the first time. For example:•forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More AssertivelyPage 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

•"I haven't thought about that before, I'd like time to think about your idea."•“I thought your presentation was really good”.

•"The cost will be $2,000"•“I like it when you help me”.

It is important to remember to be specific when making your statement. Decide what it is
you want or feel, and say so specifically or directly. Avoid unnecessary padding and keep
your statement simple and brief. This skill will help you to be clear about what exactly it is
you want to communicate.
Basic assertion also includes what some people refer to as the self disclosure techniquewhich essentially means disclosing your feelings with a simple statement. For example:•“I feel nervous”•“I feel guilty”.

•“I feel angry”

The immediate effect of the self disclosure is to reduce your anxiety, enabling you to relax
and take charge of yourself and your feelings. Using “I” statements to express your feelingsin this way also shows you are taking responsibility for your own feelings.

Empathic Assertion
Empathy means that we try to understand another person’s feelings, needs or wants. So thistype of assertion contains an element of recognition of the other person's feelings, needs orwants, as well as a statement of your needs and wants.
This type of assertion can be used when the other person is involved in a situation that may
not fit with your needs, and you want to indicate that you are aware of and sensitive totheir position.
Examples of Empathetic assertion:•"I appreciate that you don't like the new procedure, however, until it’s changed,
I'd like you to keep working on it."

•forCentrelinicalC Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research TrainingModule 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 3

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

•"I know you're busy at the moment, John, but I'd like to make a request of you."•"I recognise that it's difficult to be precise on costs, however, I need a roughestimate."

Empathetic assertion is useful in holding you back from over-reacting with aggression as itcauses you to give yourself time to imagine the other person's position and therefore slow
down your response.
It is possible to over-use certain phrases in empathic assertion and it can start to soundinsincere. It can also be used to mask aggression. For example, if someone says "I appreciate
your feelings, but..." then the empathic statement “I appreciate your feelings” is devalued by
the word "but" and the phrase becomes aggression masked as assertion.

Consequence assertion
This is the strongest form of assertion and is seen as a last resort behaviour. It is usuallyused in a situation where someone has not been considering the rights of others and you
want to get their behaviour to change without becoming aggressive yourself. In a worksituation it may be used when standard procedures or guidelines are not being followed.
When you use consequence assertion you inform the other person of the consequences forthem of not changing their behaviour. It can easily be seen as threatening and therefore
aggressive. Only use this form of assertion when you have sanctions to apply, and only when
you are prepared to apply them.
As this type of assertion can easily be seen as aggressive you need to be very careful of thenon-verbal signals you use. Keep your voice calm and at an even pitch and volume, keep
good eye contact, and try and keep your body and face relaxed.
Examples of Consequence assertion:•"If you continue to withhold the information, I am left with no option, but to bring in
the production director. I'd prefer not to."•"I'm not prepared, John, to let any of my staff cooperate with yours on the project,unless you give them access to the same facilities that your people have."•forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More AssertivelyPage 4

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

•"If this occurs again, I'm left with no alternative, but to apply the formal disciplinary
procedure. I'd prefer not to."Discrepancy Assertion
Discrepancy assertion works by pointing out a discrepancy between what has previously
been agreed and what is actually happening. This is useful for clarifying whether there is amisunderstanding or a contradiction, and when a person’s behaviour does not match theirwords.
Examples of Discrepancy assertion:•"As I understand it, we agreed that Project A was top priority. Now you're asking
me to give more time to Project B. I'd like to clarify which is now the priority."•"Paul, on the one hand you are saying that you want to improve cooperation
between our departments, but on the other hand you make statements about usthat make it difficult for us to cooperate. I agree that we can improve the situation,
so I'd like to talk about that."

Negative feelings assertion
Negative feelings assertion is used when you are experiencing very negative feelings towards
another person - anger, resentment, hurt and so on. In a controlled and calm way you draw
attention to the undesirable affect another person's behaviour is having on you. This allows
you to deal with the feelings without making an uncontrolled outburst, and alerts the otherperson to the effects of their actions on you.
There are four steps to negative feeling assertion:
Step

Example1. Describe the other person’s behaviour

When you leave it this late to produce

objectively. Be careful to do this without

your report...

interpreting or judging.

•

2. Describe the impact of the person’s...it involves my working over thebehaviour on you. Be specific and clear. Don’t

weekend...

forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 5

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

overgeneralise.
3. Describe your feelings...I feel annoyed about this,...

4. State how you would prefer the behaviour to... so in future I'd like to receive it by

be in the future.

Friday lunch time

Examples of negative feeling assertion:“When you come home late, without telling me before, I worry that something iswrong and I feel angry. I would really appreciate it if you could ring and let me know
beforehand.”"When you continually interrupt me when I'm working on the balance sheets, itmeans I have to start all over again. I'm feeling irritated by this, so I would prefer youto wait until I have finished."

Broken Record
Children are experts at the broken record technique. This skill involves preparing what you
are going to say and repeating it exactly as often as necessary, in a calm relaxed manner.
This skill can apply in most situations. It is a good skill to use when you are dealing withclever articulate people as all you have to do is stick to your prepared lines. It helps keep
you relaxed because you know what you are going to say and you can maintain a steadycomment, avoiding irrelevant logic or argumentative bait. It is a particularly good techniquegood for saying no (this will be explained in more detail in Module 6).

Example of the Broken Record technique:
Kate: Can I borrow $20 from you?
Dave: I can’t lend you any money. I’ve run out.
Kate: I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. I need it desperately. You are my friend
aren’t you?
Dave: I can’t lend you any money.
Kate: I would do the same for you. You won’t miss $20.

•forCentrelinical
C Interventions••Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

Dave: I am your friend but I can’t lend you any money. I’ve run out.
This broken record technique can be combined with the other assertiveness techniques you
have just learned. Always begin with the mildest stance, getting more and more assertive as
you see fit. Avoid jumping in first with the heaviest consequences stance; it will be a threatand aggressive behaviour, NOT assertive behaviour.
The following example of the broken record technique uses all levels of assertivenessbeginning with basic assertion then moving through to empathic assertion and thenconsequence assertion.
Basic•"I bought this clock here yesterday. The button for moving the hands isn't working
properly so I'd like to exchange it please"
At this point the assistant will either agree or:•"The clock should have been checked before it left the shop"

Empathetic•"I realise that would have made things easier, however, I would still like to replaceit."
At this point the assistant will either agree or:•"I don't have the authority to exchange things"
Response "I would still like it to be replaced."•After a few exchanges the level could be raised to:Consequence•"I would like the item changed. If you are not prepared to do that I will take thematter up with your Head Office. I would prefer to resolve it now.”

The one situation in which this technique can be a disadvantage is when you are making arequest from someone who does not want to do what you are asking. When they continue
to resist, your requests lose power every time you have to repeat them. If the requests arerepeated too often it can backfire on the authority of your words. In these cases it isnecessary to have some consequences on hand.

•forCentrelinicalC Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 7

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

Practising the Techniques
All of these techniques require practice. Start with basic assertion and practice this for aweek or two before you begin trying the others. Pick one technique at a time and use it
whenever appropriate. It can be helpful to keep a little log book or diary of the ways you
have been able to use these assertive techniques. Then you can see how often you are using
assertiveness and which techniques are the most useful ones for you. We have an example
log sheet below. You can use this or make up one for yourself.

Practice Sheet for Assertiveness Techniques
Date / Time
Example:Technique

Situation and how

Things to remember

Used

used

for next timeAt work. Complimented

My voice was probably too softMary on her report.

and I didn’t look at her much.

Basic assertion

Tuesday 10am

Next time speak more loudly
and make good eye contact.
Example: Wednesday

Discrepancy

At work. My boss told

I think I got a bit angry and2pm

assertion

me to do one thing thenmight have sounded annoyed. I

told me another 5need to keep calmer.

minutes later•

forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 8--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

Module summary•

There are a number of assertiveness techniques. These include basic assertion,
empathic assertion, consequence assertion, discrepancy assertion, the broken record
technique, and negative feeling assertion.

•It is important to remember your non-verbal communication when using thesetechniques.

Comingup:

The next module introduces
techniques for reducing yourphysical tension.

•forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Module 4: How to Behave More AssertivelyPage 9--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ASSERT YOURSELF!

ABOUT THIS MODULE
CONTRIBUTORSFiona Michel (MPsych1 PhD2).
Centre for Clinical Interventions

Dr Anthea Fursland (PhD2)Centre for Clinical Interventions

Master of Psychology (Clinical Psychology) 2Doctor of Philosophy (Clinical Psychology)

1We would also like to thank Paula Nathan for her contribution to these modules

BACKGROUND
The concepts and strategies in the modules have been developed from evidence based psychologicalpractice, primarily Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT). CBT is a type of psychotherapy that is basedon the theory that unhelpful negative emotions and behaviours are strongly influenced byproblematic cognitions (thoughts). This can be found in the following:
Beck, A.T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B.F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. NewYork:Guildford.
Clark, D. M. (1986). A cognitive approach to panic. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 24, 461-470.
Clark, D. M. & Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R. Heimberg, M. Liebowitz,
D.A.

REFERENCES
These are some of the professional references used to create this module:
Alberti, R. & Emmons, M. (1974). Your Perfect Right. Impact, San Luis Obispo, California.
Back, R & Back, K. (1986). Assertiveness at Work – A Practical guide to Handling Awkward Situations.
McGraw Hill, London.
Gambrill, E.D. & Richey, L.A. (1975). An assertion inventory for use in assessment and research.
Behavior Therapy, 6, 550-561.
Holland, S. & Ward, C. (1980). Assertiveness: A Practical Approach. Winslow Press, Bicester.
Linehan, M. (1979). Structured cognitive-behavioural treatment of assertion problems. In Kendall &Hollon, Cognitive Behavioural Interventions (pp205-240). Academic Press.
McKay, M & Fanning, P. (1995). Self esteem, third edition. St Martin’s Paperbacks, California.
Powell, T. (2000). The Mental Health Handbook (revised edition). Speechmark Publishing, Wesleyan
University Press.
Smith, M.J. (1975). When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Dial, New York.
Wolpe, J. (1973). The Practice of Behavior Therapy. Pergamon Press, New York.

“ASSERT YOURSELF”
This module forms part of:Michel, F. (2008). Assert Yourself. Perth, Western Australia: Centre for Clinical Interventions.
ISBN: 0-9757995-5-X•forCentrelinical
C Interventions••
Psychotherapy Research Training

Created: November, 2008

Module 4: How to Behave More Assertively

Page 10