Siblings• It’s important to keep the whole family in the know.
• I may feel jealous of my siblings’ experiences duringpuberty and their ability to have children.
• Help me to feel loved and special because of mydifferences, not despite them.
• I may be regretful or sad that I can’t share myexperience/wisdom with my younger siblings as
they go through puberty.

Therapy• Make sure I know that seeking help is an option.
• Know that it is okay for me to go see a therapist andI’m not “crazy.” Being intersex can be hard to handle.
• You are not failing if I ask to see a therapist.
• Research support groups and ask if I’d like to go toone. It’s empowering to meet other intersex people.

Understanding

As guardians, your decisions
affect our destinies.
Remember, each child is
unique and will havedifferent ways of coping. Be
prepared to give us multiple
forms of support during ourjourneys.

interACT Youthis a space for intersex youth toraise their voices, share theirstories, and change the world.
interACT Youth Is a project ofinterACT: Advocates forIntersex Youth.

• Try to meet other parents of intersex kids. Create
your own network so you don’t feel alone.
• Don’t make assumptions about how I feel: ask.
• Listen.
• Be sensitive with your actions and words. I am theaffected one, not you.
• Yes, things will affect you, but your priority is
to be there for me through theselife-changing moments.
"Your feelings about your child are valid,
but at the same time your intersex childis going to grow up to be anautonomous person. You have to realizethat your vision may not always becongruent with that reality."www.interactyouth.orgwww.interactadvocates.org
365 Boston Post Road Suite 163
Sudbury, MA 01776
info@interactadvocates.org
707-793-1190

What We Wish
Our Parents Knew
interACT Youth is a group ofintersex advocates in their teens
and twenties, working to raiseintersex awareness. We all had
unique experiences with ourparents and created thisbrochure as a way to prepare
other families with intersex kids
for the journey ahead of them.

This is not
something that you
or I can go throughalone; we needeach other!

Disclosing To Others• I wish I wasn’t left out of the conversation when you
disclosed to others in the family.
• If you’ve already told other people, please tell me. I
would rather not find out later on my own.

Working Together• Let me know if there’s somebody you want to tell. I
know you need to talk about it too, but it’s my story
and I should have a say in who gets to hear it.

• Take time to cope with your feelings on your own.

• Empower me to decide who to tell, and to think
about the pros and cons of disclosing. I don’t wantto tell someone and regret it later.

• This will be a harder journey than you might realize.

• This is not your fault.
• Recognize how significant this is for my identity.
• Even though I have come to terms with my reality,that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten over it.
• Please don’t tell me how I should feel.
• Don’t compare me to people who are “worse-off.”• I need you to create opportunities to discuss mybody. I may have a hard time doing that on my own.
• Don’t keep secrets about my body from me. I don’t
want to wait until I’m older to find out that you
knew about this.
• Give me information in chunks. Hearing everything
at once can be overwhelming.
• Communicate as parents before talking to me; youshould be prepared to handle my reaction together.

• Be my advocate, especially if I’m too young toadvocate for myself.
• My teachers and textbooks won’t have informationon this, which can make school difficult.
• Ask me if it’s okay to send pamphlets anonymously
to my school. If they know they have an intersex
student, they may be more sensitive.
• Be sensitive when discussing “typical experiences.”
Talking about realities that I won’t experience canbe very hurtful (e.g. pregnancies).
• Help family members understand the realities of mybody -- and that asking about it can be triggering.
• There’s a difference between privacy
and secrecy. Telling me I can’t tellanyone makes it a very
shameful thing.

• Be ready to answer my questions. I don’t want toresort to the internet for answers.
• Don’t treat my diagnosis as a burden, and don’tpity me. It makes me feel like there’s
something wrong with me.

Dealing with Doctors• Give me the option of who I want to attend myappointments. I may want both of you there!
• Sometimes I need to speak privately with a doctor.
Look for those times and ask if you should leave.
• Let me know what my rights are as a patient. If you
don’t know, then find out before putting me in an
unsafe environment.
• Doctors are going to be very curious about mybody. Don’t let them treat me like a guinea pig.
• I may not understand how multiple doctors
examining me might affect me later. Empower me
to say ‘No’ to uncomfortable experiences.
• Do your own research, become an expert about mybody. Don’t let any doctor talk you into somethingirreversible without being fully informed.
• Genital exams are bad enough as an adult. Imagine
how they must feel to a child! Help me feelas comfortable as you can about these exams.
• Include me in the conversation with my doctor.
Don’t talk about me as if I am not there.
• Be more informed about my HRT options and offer
insight about the effects it can have on my body.
Be open to trying different options.

liketcht a ay,gi"I m m ok ot."
nI’I’mfineve• Don’t let doctors pressure me into immediateaction. Oftentimes no immediate action is needed.
• Consult a diverse team of professionals andcommunity members who can help us understandand cope with these experiences!