THE
INSIDETRACK
ON THEEVENTS
Everything you need to know about
all the Olympic sports. Plus ShortList
staff members attempt a few

t’s not beyond therealms of possibility for
us to suggest that you
may have heard about
a rather elaborate
sporting event taking place in London
for 17 days from Friday. In fact, if you’vemanaged to get this far into themagazine without realising the
Olympics is about to begin, we’dventure to say you haven’t beenreading it properly, so go back to thebeginning please. Still here? Excellent.
Want to sound like an Olympic expert
in front of your friends? Read on…

I

ATHLETICS

World’s best: A certain Mr U Bolt.
Watch out for: We have five big medal
hopes in heptathlete Jessica Ennis,
400m hurdler Dai Greene, 400m
runner Christine Ohuruogu anddistance runner Mo Farah. There’s also
18-year-old sprinter Adam Gemili…
What to say: “Gemili’s got his PWR
spot-on” – power-to-weightratio, building strength without
unnecessary bulk.
Killer fact: Farah will sleep undera noisy oxygen tent to get the full
benefit of his altitude training.

ARCHERY

World’s best: Stocky South Korean
bowman Im Dong-Hyun is so
shortsighted he is legally blind, yetsomehow fires unerringly andexpertly straight.
Watch out for: The GB men’s trio won
the World Cup and the women’s teamalso have a medal chance.
What to say: “Check out that cant” –not an insult, cant is the tilting ofa bow while shooting.
Killer fact: The 122cm-wide target
is 70 metres away from theshooting line.

BADMINTONWorld’s best: Reigning champ Lin Dan
of China, widely deemed the best
player of all time.
Watch out for: Chris Adcock and
Imogen Bankier in the mixed doubles
are like the new Emms/Robertson,remember them? Oh. Just us then…
What to say: “That was a ferocious kill”– an unreturnable shot struck to thefloor to win the rally.
Killer fact: A shuttlecock has about 16
feathers, each plucked from the left
wing of a goose, and can travelat more than 200mph.
W W W . S H O R T L I S T . C O M

4 5

S H O RT L I ST’S O LY M P I C S G U I D ESHORTLISTTRIES…
POLE
VAULTING

UNISEX POLE-DANCING
CLASSES HAD TAKEN OFF

HowardCalvert,group
production
editor“Don’t worry, you’ll
be fine. The worstthat can happen is you sprain yourankle. Or break both of your legs.”
These are the words that greet meon arrival for my crash course inpole-vaulting at Brunel University’s
athletics centre. They do little tocalm my pole-snapping fears.
My instructor and imparter of the
injury-based advice is coach Anna
Olko-Massey. After raising my hairwith a story about a young British
pole-vaulter who fractured both of
his wrists the previous day at theAviva Trials, she begins by showing
me some photographs of Sergey
Bubka’s leap of 6.14 metres in 1994
– a record that still stands today.
“Will I get anywhere near thattoday?” I ask. “No,” comes the reply.

For tickets to Aviva Birmingham GrandPrix on 26 August see Uka.org.uk
4 6

W W W .. SS H
HOO RR TT LL I I SS TT . .CCOOMM

World’s best: The US teamboast giga-names such as Kobe
Bryant (right) and LeBron James.
Watch out for: Our women’s
team have a better medal
chance than the men’s, having
beaten fourth-ranked Czech
Republic recently.
What to say: “King James was
breaking ankles all game” –rather than crushing bones,
it means LeBron’s
dribbling was making
defenders stumble.
Killer fact: GB’s men
are led by 6ft 9in,
HE WAS OVERJOYED
Brixton-raised Luol
TO WIN THE WORLD’SBIGGEST TERRY’S
Deng, who just
CHOCOLATE ORANGE
enjoyed his best
season for the
Chicago Bulls and was selected
for the NBA All-Star game.

BOXINGSHORTLISTVS THEO LY M P I C S“THE WORST THATCAN HAPPEN IS
THAT YOU BREAK
BOTH YOUR LEGS”
She runs me through the basics,
hands me a pole and tells me to jump.
I jog with the pole on the ground,plant it, cling on and, amazingly, thepole catapults me through the air. I
land grinning and, like the first time I
went on the Missile at the American
Adventure, go back and do it again.
Olko-Massey tells me a polevaulter should be fast, co-ordinated,focused and a risk-taker,
which does not make meideal material, yetsomehow I clear
2.40m; on my last
jump I try to beat it.
I’d heard that
Russian Yelena
Isinbayeva talks to“AFTER THIS, YOU
her pole. I try it:
CAN CLEAN OUT“Don’t snap. Don’t
THE GUTTERING”
snap. Don’t snap.” At
the top of the leap, I drop
like a rock, my elbow landing off
the mat. My PB remains unbroken.
Luckily, so does my arm.
I leave with a new perspective on
the sport, a rapidly bruising elbow
and a pledge to support Team GB’s
Steve Lewis, Holly Bleasdale and Kate
Dennison over the next fortnight.

BASKETBALLWorld’s best: Aggressive southpaw
featherweight Vasyl Lomachenko leads
a strong Ukrainian team.
Watch out for: Our first women’s world
champ, 21-year-old middleweight
Savannah Marshall, could get gold.
GB’s best men are super heavyweight
Anthony Joshua (below) and light
welterweight Tom Stalker.
What to say: “The Cubans are doing it
for Teófilo” – three-time gold medallist
and national hero Teófilo Stevensondied last month.
Killer fact: Joshua may be 6ft 6in and
14st, but he ran 100m in sub-11 seconds
as a teenager. It’s like being punchedby Usain Bolt.

CANOEING“YOU’VE FAILEDPUNTING 101”

losers race to get back into
the competition
Killer fact: Hoy’s thighs
measure 27in, allowing him
to hit 44mph in less than
10 seconds.

“THE GUY’S NOT EVENWEARING BOOTS. AMATEUR”

DIVINGWorld’s best: The Chinese
threaten to dominate, led byworld No1 Qiu Bo.
Watch out for: Not just TeamGB poster-boy Tom Daley but alsosynchro pair Sarah Barrow andTonia Couch.
What to say: “Lovely entry” –divers should hit the water withlittle splash.
Killer fact: In the early 1900s,
Olympic diving disciplines included“plunge for distance”, seeing who
could glide farthest underwater after
diving in from a standing position.

SHORTLISTVS THEO LY M P I C S

EQUESTRIANWorld’s best: The greatest eventerin history, Kiwi Mark Todd, is making acomeback at 56, while Dutch dressage
master Anky van Grunsven is aiming
for a fourth successive gold.
Watch out for: Blue-blooded Zara
Phillips will hog headlines, but Laura
Bechtolsheimer could win a first British
medal in dressage.
What to say: “Beautiful piaffe” – atrotting movement, performed almoston the spot.
Killer fact: Until 1952, only male cavalry
officers were allowed to enter. Now it’s
the most egalitarian event, with men
and women competing together.

FENCINGWorld’s best: Slovakian Michal
Martikán is the best paddler alive,
having won his first Olympic gold at 17.
Watch out for: Tim Brabants won our
first canoeing gold at Beijing, but
has a shoulder injury. David Florenceor Ed McKeever could fare better.
What to say: “He’s all catch andno pull”– the two strokes that
dictate rhythm.
Killer fact: Qualified doctor Brabants
took 18 months out of the sport to workin a Nottingham A&E ward before
returning for these games.

World’s best: Veteran Italian Valentina
Vezzali could bring the curtain down
on her career with a sixth gold.
Watch out for: Britain’s medal hopes
are Richard Kruse in the men’s foil andChrystall Nicoll in women’s sabre – but
she has Ukrainian Olga Kharlan, thefirst ‘fencing pin-up’, to beat.
What to say: “Textbook fleche” – anattack made on the run, the leaping
fencer making a hit as they pass
the opponent.
Killer fact: The tip of the fencing foil isthe second fastest moving object insport after the marksman’s bullet.

CYCLINGFOOTBALL

World’s best: For a change, it’s us –World’s best: As ever, Brazil and Spain
we won 14 medals in Beijing, eight ofare favourites. Don’t rule out Uruguay.
them gold.
Watch out for: Ryan Giggs’ debut at
Watch out for: On the road and in the
an international tournament. But GB’svelodrome, hopes are high thanks towomen may have a better chance,
Victoria Pendleton, Chris Hoy, Bradleymainly because most are regular
Wiggins and Markteam-mates under coach Hope Powell.
Cavendish. Women’s
What to say: “100 years of hurt” –BMX-er Shanaze Reade
Britain won in 1908 and 1912 but noshould also challenge.
medals (and not much participation
What to say: “He caneither) since.
still qualify via
Killer fact: Arsenal
repechage”
has supplied a third– French forof the players to“I THINK I JUST
“fished out”, it’s a
the women’s squad,
SWALLOWED THAT WASP”
round where heatwith six out of 18.

SHORTLIST TRIES…
DRESSAGE
Jimi
Famurewa,
staff writerthey’ll get the horse to pirouette andit’s like the rider is just sitting there.”
There’s no danger of meemulating that as I clamber on to
Nokia and am led into the paddock
like a child on an oversized seaside
donkey. After an hour I’m walking
Nokia to the marked points in thearena fairly confidently.
After a few fertility-troubling
whacks, I even break into a brief trot.
It’s a start. Thighs raging, I squirm off
Britain’s sleepiest horse and prepare
to head home. I think we’ve bothearned the right tostagger away
and keelover.

Not long into
my dressage
experience,
I have my firstsuspicions that it may be moredemanding than it looks. It’s notjust the Jackie Chan-worthy list of
injuries instructor Hannah
Walters cheerily reels off, it’s alsothat my 15-year-old horse Nokia
has a peculiar affliction.
“He has the horse version of
narcolepsy,” she laughs,
indicating the scars where he’s
fallen flat on his face. For
someone who has never ridden ahorse before, this isn’t great news. Hoof
Dressage is a dauntingly
ride.
technical sport that requires
co.uk
balance, leg strength and equine
understanding. Imagine
figure-skating with amute, 70-stone partner.
“You get marked
by judges on how
responsive andprecise eachspecific movement
is,” explains Hannah.
“IF HE SAYS ‘I’M THE KINGOF THE WORLD’, I’M“At the highest level
THROWING HIM OFF”

“NO, YOU DON’T
NEED TO MILK IT”

S H O RT L I ST’S O LY M P I C S G U I D E“Hello, I’m
Marcus,” says
my fencing
instructor for
today, Marcus Bengry.
“Very épée to meet you,” I wantto say, but don’t, because Bengry
is about to point a sword at me.
I’m excited, because I consider
fencing to be one of the ‘James
Bond’ Olympic sports, alongsideshooting, skiing and synchronised
swimming. However, my firstexercise makes me feel a little
less 007.
Before I can get my hands on
any weaponry, I have to learn the
footwork. This involves standing
side-on with my front – right – footpointing forward and the rear at 90
degrees to it, with knees slightly
bent. My left arm stays behind,while my right hand goes out likeI’m making a shadow dog. I learn
to move forward, backwards –resembling a kung-fu crab – andto lunge. It is not a gainly sight; myfront foot wants to show parallel
unity with its comrade, and when
I force the issue, I list to one side
like a doomed human steamliner.

Then Bengry brings out the steel. I
use all three fencing weapons: thefoil, the lightest and, in my head, theZorro sword; the épée, a bit heavier
and the kind you’d expect Errol
Flynn to decapitate candles with;and the sabre, a meatier, thrusting
weapon (actual technical term) thatmakes me feel like a pirate.
Bengry and I face off. I combine
my now Nureyev-like (the horse,
not the dancer) footwork with
attacking and defensive moves.
The foil – whose target area is the
torso – requires little more thana flick of the wrist, whereas thesabre, which can score anywhereon the body, is more dashing andanimated. I like the sabre.
At the end of the session, I feelsurprisingly tired and my thighs“I FEEL TIRED,BUT IT’S NOT THE
PHYSICAL SIDETHAT IS MOSTSATISFYING, IT’S
THE WAY I LOOK”
burn, but it’s not the physical sideof things that is most satisfying,it’s the way I look. From the insideof a fencing uniform, you havea beekeeper’s view of the world,
but in the mirror I see a 19thcentury gentleman robot assassin.
Suddenly, I feel dignified,graceful and, mostimportantly, deadly.
British fencing is supported
by insurer Beazley;beazleybritishfencing.com

THE BEEKEEPER’S DUEL WAS
A TEST EVENT FOR 2012
“SO I’M BARRY CHUCKLE,AND YOU’RE PAUL, RIGHT?”HANDBALL

World’s best: Danish star Mikkel
Hansen, who’s had a spell at FC
Barcelona (their handball side).
Watch out for: France, Germany and
the Nordic nations are likely to contest
the medals. It’s a minority sport here,so our teams have little chance.
What to say: “That’s blatant passiveplay” – handball’s equivalentof timewasting.
Killer fact: Started at the 1936 Berlin
Olympics as an 11-a-side game ona muddy football pitch. It’s now
seven-a-side on an indoor court.

HOCKEYWorld’s best: Argentina’s Luciana
Aymar, nicknamed ‘the Maradona of
women’s hockey’, has been voted theworld’s best player seven times.
Watch out for: Dutchman Teun deNooijer’s dribbling sees him compared
to Johann Cruyff. Both GB teams
should be in the medal shake-up.
What to say: “Green card, ref!” – not an
immigration visa, but shown for minor
offences that don’t merit a yellow.
Killer fact: The sport gets its namefrom the French word ‘hocquet’,
meaning ‘shepherd’s crook’.

JUDO

SHORTLISTVS THEO LY M P I C SWorld’s best: Rudely-named twotime world champ Kim Jae-Bum ofSouth Korea.
Watch out for: Team GB might sneaka bronze. Strong Scotsman Euan
Burton (right, in white) is our best hope.
What to say: “That judoka’s achieved
ippon” – they’ve thrown their opponent
to the floor or held them insubmission, so win the bout.
Killer fact: Judo is now
the world’s biggest
martial art, with 13
million participants.

superman David Svoboda.
Watch out for: The climactic section
could give the Daily Mail a fright as it
involves running round London withguns. Team GB’s Mhairi ‘Fencey’
Spence could sneak a medal in thewomen’s event.
What to say: “Aristotle described theoriginal pentathletes as the perfectsportsmen, combining strength andspeed in beautiful harmony.”
Killer fact: It was traditionally spreadthrough the week, but all five
disciplines are now squeezed into one
all-action, stamina-sapping day.

4 8

W W W . S H O R T L I S T . C O M

SHORTLISTVS THEO LY M P I C S

ROWINGWorld’s best: Norwegian farmer Olaf
Tufte will be aiming for an impressive
third gold in a row.
Watch out for: Britain should be strongin coxless fours and double sculls.
Scots stalwart Kath Grainger is athree-time silver medallist and could
go one better.
What to say: “Isn’t that Trenton Oldfieldin the crowd?” – the protester who
disrupted this year’s Boat Race.
Killer fact: Rowing produced the
youngest gold medallist ever. A boy
was pulled from the crowd at the 1900
Paris Games to act as cox for the Dutchpairs crew, who went on to win. His age
was estimated to be just seven.

SAILING“I’VE PAINTED SMILEYFACES ON THEM…”

World’s best: Team GB’s king of theseas Ben Ainslie could win a fourthconsecutive gold and become thegreatest Olympic sailor of all time.
Watch out for: We’ve topped the
medal table since 2000, but the
Aussies are coming…
What to say: “Looks like he’s hiking out”
– leaning out of the boat to balance itagainst the wind.
Killer fact: Ainslie’s father Roddyskippered the British boat in the first
Whitbread Round The World Racein 1973.

across, located up to 50 metres awayfrom the firing line.

SWIMMING

World’s best: All eyes will be on
Michael Phelps in his final Olympics.
Watch out for: Rebecca Adlington will
defend her golds, joined by a powerful
British women’s team. Our main men’s
hope is backstroke specialist Liam ‘The
Tank’ Tancock.
What to say: “The polyurethane
bodysuits in Beijing were effectively
technological doping. New swimwear
rules will make London 2012 fairer.”
Killer fact: Phelps took up swimmingat school to provide him with an outlet
for his energy after he was diagnosed
with ADHD.

SHOOTING

World’s best: Italian rifle shooter
Niccolo Campriani is just 24 but
already a world champion.
Watch out for: Brits Peter Wilson andRichard Faulds in the men’s double
trap. We missed out completely in2008 so anything would be a bonus
this time.
What to say: “That spotting scopemeasures heat mirages rising from theground, to help estimate wind speed
and direction.”
Killer fact: The targets are just 6in

MODERNPENTATHLONWorld’s best: Russia’s Andrey
Moiseyev has won back-to-back golds,
but faces a challenge from Czech army

“JUST CHECK OUT MYTOENAILS FIRST…”THE FIRST DANCESURPRISEDEVERYONEPHOTOGRAPHS: TOM MILES, ACTION, ADIDAS, PA

Andrew
Dickens,senior writer

GYMNASTICSWorld’s best: Japan’s Kohei
Uchimura has won three world titles.
Watch out for: Brit phenomenon
Beth Tweddle might clinch aswansong gold before retiring.
Louis Smith (pictured) could
be among the men’s medals.
What to say: “A shame
perfect 10s are a thing of
the past” – there’s a new
open-ended
scoringsystem,you
see.
Killerfact: American“PLEASE HELP ME!”gymnast George
Eyser won six medals in
1904. Not bad for a man witha wooden leg.

WORDS: MICHAEL HOGAN

SHORTLIST TRIES…
FENCINGTABLE
TENNISWorld’s best:
China have the
top four in theworld, headed byZhang Jike.
Watch out for: No
Brits are ranked in theworld’s top 100, but
Middlesbrough 22-year-old
Paul Drinkhall is one for the future.
What to say: “Shakehands or
penhold?” – the Western paddle
grip or the one popular in Asia.
Killer fact: Early names for table
tennis included ‘gossima’.

TAEKWONDOWorld’s best: South Korea dominated“the art of foot and fist” in Beijing,winning four out of the eight golds.
Watch out for: Team GB’s Lutalo
Muhammad only just made it after
a selection dispute, but could go all
the way, as could Jade Jones.
What to say: “Are you rooting for thechung or hong?” – the fighter wearing
blue or red.
Killer fact: The taekwondo event in2008 saw Afghanistan win its first
Olympic medal.

TENNISWorld’s best: The usual suspects:
Federer and Djokovic, the Williams
sisters and Sharapova.
Watch out for: Andy Murray (left),looking to dry his eyes and bounceback from Wimbledon heartbreak.
What to say: “Of course, the last
British medallists were Tim
Henman and Neil Broad, whoearned silver in the 1996
doubles.” Cue vigorous
fist pump.
Killer fact: John Boland
accidentally won two
tennis golds in 1896. While
visiting a friend in Athens,
he won gold in the
singles, and then steppedin when a doubles
player fell sick andwon again.

“THIS IS MY RACQUET.
MINE”

SHORTLISTTRIES…
TAEKWONDOJoe Ellison,
editorialassistantEntering Team
GB’s Taekwondo
Academy inManchester towitness a scene of thickset fighters,
wincing pads, and the sound of
muffled grunts, I contemplate
the only entry on my martial-arts
CV – playing as Blanka in Street
Fighter 2.
British coach Steve Jennings
immediately has me performing
speedy two-step movements on
the balls of my feet – a key stanceto ensure both defensive agility
and a quick attacking platform.
I display all the grace of a bagof sand on a treadmill as I shuffle
across the 8sq m fight area
before launching haphazardly into
an intense 30-minute lesson in
limb-wearying kicks. I’ve had
more relaxing afternoons.
It was all preparation forthe main event, a full-contact
two-minute sparring session. Aftera lot of scurrying about – to at least

look thepart – I“…WHY CAN’T I PAINT
pulled off
YOURS TOO? [SOBS]”
a crescentkick, which goesup, around the bodyand down, using the front of thefoot to kick. Jennings, who had
seen it coming a week earlier,backs away sharply.
Insisting that he wants me to hit
him harder than my powder-puff
efforts, he then brazenly walks
into my next kick. I oblige, withsomething akin to a volley andmake more solid contact.
Unfortunately, I drop my guard
and don’t see Jennings thrust
forward as he responds with a kickto my ribs, and before I realise I am
winded, I stumble blindly into his
next one. I throw in the towel with30 seconds left on the clock.
Although glad of the experience,
my sides still feel tender a week
later. That never used to happen
when I was Blanka.
See Lotterygoodcauses.org.uk for moreon National Lottery support

W W W . S H O R T L I S T . C O M

4 9

TRIATHLONWorld’s best: Supreme Spanish
athlete Javier Gomez.
Watch out for: Team GB’s Brownlee
brothers. Alistair is world champ and
Gomez’s arch rival, while younger
brother Jonathan is catching up fast.
What to say: “He’s bonking” – not what
you might think, it’s what triathletes callhitting the wall.
Killer fact: Australia has been the mostsuccessful nation in Olympic triathlons,followed by New Zealand.

VOLLEYBALLWorld’s best: Cuba’s women are theentertainers of the sport, led by skipper
Yumilka Ruiz Lua (AKA ‘Riz’).
Watch out for: Britain have no real
medal prospects, but the beachvolleyball on Horse Guards Paradeshould be, ahem, a great spectacle.
What to say: “That’s not the ref, it’s thelibero” – a player who specialises in
defence and wears a contrasting shirt.
Killer fact: JFK was a fan in the Sixties.

WATER POLO

World’s best: Hungary are thedominant force and have won gold
at the past three games.
Watch out for: The British women’s
team have been playing in the
Hungarian domestic league togain experience.
What to say: “If Hungary meet Russia,
it could be Blood In The Water II” – areference to a violent 1956 men’s clash.
Killer fact: Originally players rode on
floating barrels and hit the ball withsticks, like equestrian polo.

SHORTLIST TRIES…
WEIGHTLIFTINGTom Ellen,
staff writer

Just my luck.
When thedisciplines for‘ShortList vs the
Olympics’ were
divvied up, I was on holiday. This
turned out to be catastrophicallybad timing, as I returned to theoffice to find I’d unwittingly
drawn the short straw in theform of weightlifting. What
were the chances of me – a man,coincidentally, with a bicep
circumference akin to a shortstraw – coming away from thisexperience with my dignity and/or shoulder joints intact?
The first thing I notice as
I arrive at east London’s Bethnal
Green Weightlifting Club is thenoise; the wall-shaking crash asa barbell hits the mat, followedby the ear-splitting roar of the

man-mountain who’ddropped it.
WHEN THE BAND OF YOUR BOXER
My instructor Giles
SHORTS IS THICKER THAN YOUR
BICEPS, IT’S TIME TO CHANGE
Greenwood starts me
off lightly – one 2.5kg
plastic weight on eachside of the bar. I ask
IGOR LOVED HIS
him if I should chalk myweights increase,
NEW TOYS
hands up like weightlifters
the idea of getting
do on the TV. He tells me
the bar above my head
that, with a 5kg lift, there reallyseems more impossible.
is no need. I ask him if I can do it
Conquering this is purely about
anyway. He nods wearily.
remembering that it isn’t just my arms
Once I resemble someone who’sthat are doing the work; it relies asjust cleaned a dozen blackboards,
much on my back and legs as it does
our lesson begins. I’m talked throughmy shoulders.
the two types of Olympic lift – both
The current men’s Olympic world
apparently named by schoolboys
record for a clean and jerk is 263kg.
– ‘snatch’ and ‘clean and jerk’. Snatch
My personal best is 45kg, which,involves hauling the barbell above my my instructor informs me whilehead in one continuous movement,
possibly stifling a giggle, isn’t
while clean and jerk is lifting thebad for a first attempt.
weights first to my chest, then up.
It is the mental toughness
For more on training or courses, see
required that strikes me most. As theGreenwoodweightlifting.com“DO I STARTTWIRLING IT NOW?”WEIGHTLIFTINGWorld’s best: Iran is weightlifting-mad– their latest idol is Behdad
Salimikordasiabi.
Watch out for: Zoe Smith, nicknamed‘the strongest schoolgirl in Britain’, andScottish powerhouse Peter Kirkbride.
What to say: “Looks like a press-out” –illegal move where the lifter holds thebar above their head with bent elbows
then presses them to straighten.
Killer fact: Naim Suleymanoglu set
46 world records and went nearly nine
years undefeated – despite ‘the pocket
Hercules’ standing just 4ft 10in tall.

WRESTLING

World’s best: Russia’s four-time world
champ Besik Kudukhov (below, in red).
Watch out for: Russia took six of the
18 medals in Beijing and will aim to
improve on that.
What to say: “Grandamplitude” – a throw that
secures five points.
Killer fact: Before
point scoring
was brought in,matches
continued until one
wrestler was forced
to the ground. In 1912,
one bout lasted
nearly 11 hours.

SOME PICKPOCKETS
ARE LESS SUBTLE
THAN OTHERSSHORTLISTVS THEO LY M P I C S