S I B E R I A

am staring down
an arrow aimed at
Russia’s fourth mostdangerous animal,
the boar. “I’ve had
training from one of Russia’s
foremost archers,” I think. “Keepmy left arm straight, breathe
steadily, hold the string lightly,
line the sight…”
I am in Siberia. Where exactly,
I’m not sure. We landed in Irkutsk,
then drove for three hours,
reaching a crater-laden off-road
trail. Our minibus looks like it would
struggle to ascend Wimbledon Hill,let alone traverse the birch forest
trails that lie ahead.
Siberia is one of the harshest
places on Earth. It’s cold. The
annual average is about 0.5C, byJanuary that lurches down to -20C.
I’m thankful it’s not January, as
November is no Caribbean holiday.
I’m here to push myself to my limits
and discover if I can survive in thisbleak, cold part of the world.
Back to the bus ride: thankfully,I’m wrong about the vehicle’s
capabilities. It copes. Although assoon as we leave the road it’s clear
its suspension is like Tigger’s legs.
I peer out of the window hoping
to catch a glimpse of a brown bear,
Russia’s most dangerous animal.
Chances are unlikely, says ourtranslator and local resident, Lydia.
“I’ve never seen one. One of myfriends has been leading tourist
expeditions here for 20 years andhas not seen a bear.” My
anxiousness subsides.
She pauses. “But there are fiveto 10 bear deaths in Siberia everyyear.” I ask how to deal with amarauding bear. Just in case. “Youneed to try to be big,” she says.
“If you have a backpack on, lift itup. And don’t run. It’s importantthe bear does not take you foran enemy.” I decide to keep mybackpack on for the trip’s duration.

IThe place
men weresent to die
Siberia is one of Earth’s mosthostile places. ShortList’s
Howard Calvert tries to survive
where only bears dare to tread

Easy. Play it cool. Just like
Del Boy…
As I look for a hold, fear breaks
through the ice cool, and I thinkback to Gonzales’ book: “Survivors
aren’t fearless. They use fear: theyturn it into anger and focus.”
I search for footholds and tryto picture myself as Cliffhanger’s
Gabe Walker. One of our party
loses his footing at the top, slips
and is left dangling from the rope.
There are gasps, but he’s pulled
up to safety and everyone
breathes a collective sigh of relief.

SHORTLIST’S HOWARDCALVERT SCALES A
15M-HIGH ROCK FACE

The Siberian Times recently
reported that bear attacks are on
the rise in this part of the world.
“In some areas, brown bears areno longer hibernating in winter,”
it claimed. “And environmentalists
say that the traditional food supply
for bears – berries and nuts – isvanishing, due to lack of rainfall
and scorching summers, leading
to cases of bears scavenging
in settlements, or even digging
up graves, in a desperate search
for food.”
Luckily, “this part of the world”
is pretty sizable.

STAYING ALIVE

We finally reach our destination. It’s
as far from civilization as I’ve everbeen. Surrounded by trees, it’s
stunning, and not as cold as you
might imagine. But my mind ison the task at hand – not dying.
There’s a wooden hut with noelectricity for us somewhere out
there. We just have to get there.
Our expedition leader is Ben
Major, a former soldier and TV
presenter. He is upbeat about
what’s in store. “Where we are now
they’ve been blessed becauseof the birch and pine forests,” hesays. “That is a serious resource foreverything from making fires, to“IF YOU ARE THE
VICTIM OF ANY
UNFORTUNATECIRCUMSTANCE,SIT DOWN AND
TAKE A BREATH”
brewing birch bark tea, to making
medicinal poultices for creating
blood coagulants.”
The first task is scaling a 15mhigh rock face. Our photographer,Ilya, peers up. “A climber died hereyears ago. Fell from the top.
Whoomp.” He swipes his handdown as if I hadn’t understood.
In his book Deep Survival:
Who Lives, Who Dies And Why,
Laurence Gonzales says one of
the keys to survival is staying cool.
“Every culture has its survival
rituals, and ours are in Hollywood
movies and pulp fiction. The herostays cool while the villain is ruledby emotion. Then he dies.”
Major reiterates this. “If you
are the victim of any unfortunate
circumstance, the most important
thing is to sit down and take adeep breath. There’s a pneumonic:‘Stop’: stop, think, organise andplan. Don’t rush around like aheadless chicken as you’re likely tocause more problems for yourself.”

HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACKEND POINT

Climb conquered, it’s on to find thehut. With zero phone reception,
satnav is not an option. We follow
winding paths and cross rivers
navigating via a basic map andcompass. I comfort myself withmore advice from Deep Survival:“The rule of thumb is that you cansurvive three minutes without air,
three days without water and threeweeks without food.”“The best advice I give, isalways think ‘what if?’, and beprepared,” says Major. “Having
close calls now and again enriches
the experience. If it were plain
sailing, it would be easy.”
Everyone likes a close call?
We’ve already had one. As we wind
our way through the forest, the sun
begins to set as our hut finallycomes into view. We stoke up thefire and bed down in our sleeping
bags after a vodka nightcap.
I did hit that boar, by the way.
Direct shot to the chest. It did not
down the beast, as the beast wasa plastic model. Still, our instructor
called me a “natural huntsman”.
Or, at least, I think her broken
English said “natural”.
Rise Of The Tomb Raider is out on
13 November for Xbox One andXbox 360“WHY CAN’T I EVERGET A DENTIST”“RUN, IT’S A YETI! NO WAIT,
IT’S THE POSTMAN”

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PHOTOGRAPHS: ILYA BUYANOV, CORBIS, THINKSTOCKTRIED AND TESTED METHODS OF SURVIVAL BY SIBERIANSPlay deadNatalya Pasternak was outwalking her dog earlier thisyear in the Amur region ofSiberia when a brown bearmauled her. Thinking she
was dead, it buried her
body under leaves to returnto later. Luckily a hunterfound her and shot thebear soon after.

Throw things
In Tomsk last year, a bearcharged a man at the local
tip. He picked up thenearest thing to hand – acomputer part – andlobbed it at the animal. The
beast fled. Something tothink about when you’rebinning your pineless
Christmas tree in January.

Play some Bieber
In what may be the mostwell-received PPI call ever,Igor Vorozhbitsyn’s phonerang as he was being
attacked by a brown bearin the Yakutia Republic
in 2014. His ringtone –Justin Bieber’s Baby –offended the bear somuch it fled.
W W W . S H O R T L I S T . C O M

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