A Health Campaign of Uniformed Services University, www.usuhs.edu, and theCenter for the Study of Traumatic Stress, Bethesda, Maryland, www.CSTSonline.org

Helping Children Cope During
Deployment
This fact sheet contains useful
The best way to help children cope
information for you — parents andis to 1) reassure them that the deployed…while deployments are stressful, theyfamily caregivers — to help children
parent is trained to do his/her job; 2)
also provide opportunities for families tocope during a parent’s deployment. This
explain to children that they, too, havegrowcloserandstronger.
fact sheet was written by experts ina job as part of the family at homemilitary medicine and family trauma.
who supports our troops and ourIts purpose is to address commonlynation; and 3) communicate in ways
asked questions. It is important to remember that whilethat children can understand according to their age (seedeployments are stressful, they also provide opportunities
sidebar on page 2: Communicating with Children during
for families to grow closer and stronger.
Deployment).

Commonly Asked Questions from Parents About
DeploymentQ. What is the best way to prepare children for
deployment?
A. Parents must be honest and focus on their children’ssafety, security, and continuity of routine. If deployment
will change the child’s lifestyle such as moving, living with
grandparents, or changing childcare, school, or community
activities, the child needs to hear of these things in advance.
Q. How else can we reassure our children about adeployment?
A. First, parents should digest the information before
they communicate it to children so they can deliver it ina calm and reassuring manner. Second, children worry
about the safety of the deployed parent. It is important to
let children know that the deployed parent is trained to dotheir job. Third, it is important to communicate in a waythat your child will understand based on their age.
Q. How do children signal their distress?
A. Stress affects children like it does adults. Children
may complain of headaches, stomach distress, and sleep
disturbances. They may display moodiness, irritability,
or low energy, and have more dramatic reactions tominor situations such as stubbing a toe. It can be difﬁcult
sometimes to sort out normal distress and more serious
problems. If in doubt, seek medical advice.

Q. Are there ways to reduce stress on children during theseparation?
A. Yes, one very positive way is emphasize to yourchildren that they have a job that is as REAL as that ofthe deployed parent. Stress is often the result of feelinghelpless, unsure, or unclear about a new role or situation. It
is important to reinforce that doing well in school, helping
out at home, and being cooperative are part of their job, onethat is valued and unique to their being a military child.
When children do their job, they help support their parent’smission.
Q. How should school problems be handled?
A. If there is concern about a child’s behavior at home,parents should notify the school. Many parents may bereluctant to call attention to their child by warning schoolofﬁcials, but it is important for the school to be alert toany unusual symptoms. If a child has had psychiatricissues before the deployment they are more likely to haveproblems as a result of the deployment. It is important totalk to your child about any acting out, and get them todiscuss their feelings and issues. Your child’s school or yourprimary care doctor can arrange for counseling services.
General Tips for Communicating with Children of AllAges■ Be careful about sharing your emotions with children.

Some parents share too much (losing control in frontContinued

of kids) or share too little (no emotion or giving themessage that you can’t talk about it). Children take theircues from you.
■ Keep up the routine. Activities, such as games,

schooling, and bed times, are important to keep regular.
Continue to celebrate birthdays and other special
occasions with enthusiasm.

■ Have your spouse before or while deploying record

chapter books on a cassette recorder to be played backto young children. This helps with separation andattachment issues. Likewise, help your children create
scrapbooks, videos, or journals to send or share upon
return.

■ Listen to your children and their concerns. Children

may think a lot and have worries/concerns about theirparents that are difﬁcult to express. Be available when
they are ready to communicate.

■ Limit television and other media coverage of the war tohelp reduce anxiety and worries.

■ Take care of yourself! Find time to rest, see a movie or

do something just for you. Accept help from family or
friends if feeling overwhelmed or in need of time out.
We are all more vulnerable to stress when we are tired,and can manage better when we are rested and in tune
with ourselves.

■ Seek professional help from your military or civilian

community in the event of special circumstances suchas serious injury or death of loved ones. Help is available
from people who are experienced in such matters andcare.

Additional Resources
For information on talking with children about
traumatic events, go to:■ American Academy of Child and Adolescent

Psychiatry Resources for Parents
https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_
Youth/Resource_Centers/Disaster_Resource_
Center/Resources_for_Parents_Disaster.aspx■ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services

Administration (SAMHSA)
https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence

Communicating with Children about
Deployment
Parents need to communicate with children in waysthat are developmentally appropriate. Timing andwhat is being shared are important factors. At homeparents also help their children communicate withthe deployed parent in age appropriate ways. Here aresome simple explanations of what children can grasp
at certain ages.
Three to four year olds
No concept of time. A three year old thinks thatthree months is next week. Parents need to use
markers, such as, “Dad or mom will be home rightbefore your birthday or before this holiday.”
Early elementary school
Better understanding of time. They understand thatthree months is a long time. Calendars are helpful.
You can mark the calendar and say, “This is the daythat dad or mom is supposed to come home.”
Seven and eight year olds
Understand time and bigger concepts. They will beable to look at calendar and mark it. You can say, “Thisis the day dad or mom is supposed to come home.”
This age group understands concepts like good andbad. You can say dad or mom is going away to takecare of the bad guys or bad things.
Nine, ten, eleven, and twelve year olds
Abstract thinking has begun. They are aware of thenews and can understand concepts like the “nationalgood.” You can put out a return date, and they will
understand the timeframe. Reinforce this age group’s
skills by providing them with pre-stamped envelopes,
as well as private email accounts for communicating.
Older adolescents
Challenging age group. This is an emotional periodof time under the best of circumstances. It is an age
when children need to identify with their same genderparent. If that parent is deployed, it is especiallydifficult for the child.

Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
Department of Psychiatry
Uniformed Services University
4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799
www.CSTSonline.org