Nurturing Child and Guardian Mental HealthThrough Our Communication with Children

Produced by Health and Global Policy Institute, a Specified Nonprofit Corporation
Edited by the J. F. Oberlin University Koseki Lab

Introduction
For children to grow up in a healthy way, they need seamless,comprehensive support all the way from pregnancy and birth throughto adulthood.
Mental health problems in particular have become a serious issue
affecting children in recent years, calling for support systems to be set
up from the preschool years and more opportunities for early detection
and intervention.
Children’s mental health is said to be heavily influenced by theirrelationships with adults, especially their teachers, parents andguardians, and other caretakers.
Their relationships with their parents and guardians in particular willchange over time but last a lifetime.
In order to support children’s mental health, parents, guardians, andother caretakers need to not only have a clear understanding of theirchild’s stress, but also be able to properly manage it along with theirown.
This pamphlet summarizes ways to relate to children, signs of childmental health issues, and methods for dealing with them that mainly
parents and guardians of preschool children, kindergarten and daycare
teachers, and anyone that helps take care of children should know.
We hope that this pamphlet will give you even a little more confidence
and help you rediscover the joys of raising children.

Table of Contents
Chapter 1:
What It Means to Raise a Child……………………………………………… 2
Chapter 2:
Praise or Discipline, Which Is Best?………………………………………… 3
Chapter 3:
Find Your Child’s “Cans” to Make Everyone Happy… …………………… 4
Chapter 4:
Signs of Mental Health Issues in Children and What to Do About It… … 5
Chapter 5:
When Parents and Guardians Show Signs of Mental Health Issues… … 6
Chapter 6:
When in Need of Help………………………………………………………… 7
Chapter 7:
Reference Materials…………………………………………………………… 8

1

Chapter 1

What It Means to Raise a Child
There are countless handbooks, manuals, and strategy guides out there. When it comes to childraising, books on “this and that-style parenting” get featured and a range of helpful advice based on
different findings and experiences gets shared on TV and streaming services. But what we need toremember is that these are no more than practical examples of what has worked for other people’schildren.
Needless to say, these suggestions can certainly help guide you in how you interact with yourchildren and provide useful tips when you are struggling. Many of them will naturally be effective.
But on the other hand, some may not. The fact is that much of the advice you get from books andTV may be ineffective.
What we want to emphasize here is that you will not know what method works best for the childin front of you until you try it. Of course, we do not recommend blindly trying everything. You
should take these books, TV programs, and your own experience as points of reference to take into
account as you work to find the right method for your child.
The idea that there is no “right answer” when it comes to raising children can cause anxiety anddoubt. While it is true that there is no so-called “one-size-fits-all” approach, it is entirely possible tofind the best solution for your specific child. You can do so by observing your child’s reactions. As
you try out different approaches with your child, you will find those that make them laugh, empower
them to do more things, and bring them joy. Sure to say, these are good approaches that fit yourchild best.
The person that knows your child most is not some expert or the author of a famous book, but you.
Any approach that lets you pick up on your child’s each and every reaction, notice subtle changes
day to day, wrestle with worry, and ultimately rejoice together falls under what we call “raisingchildren.” As children grow, their parents and guardians do too. The hardships, pain, and worry thatcome with raising a child may never go away, even after they reach adulthood, but it is our hopethat you will not be afraid to worry and focus on the joys of raising children instead. And we hopethat this pamphlet will be of help to you in some way.

2

Chapter 2

Praise or Discipline, Which Is Best?
In this chapter, we will discuss some key points to consider when dealing with children.
Two views we often hear are that children should be raised with praise to nurture their good qualities
or with strict scoldings so they will not grow up spoiled and weak. Our conclusion is that while bothare important, balance is key, praising them well and disciplining them in a comprehensible waythat lets them know what they have done wrong. Let us take a look at a few major points.
“Praise” can actually mean many different things. The first type of praise is meant to commend,
which is likely the most common form of praise. Second, there is praise that says “I see you,”showing that you are paying attention. The third is of encouragement, saying “Keep up the goodwork!” Fourth, there is praise of approval, as in “That’s the way to do it.” The fifth type is praise ofgratitude, and sixth is of marvel, like saying “You can do that now? That’s amazing!” The seventhshows agreement, saying “I approve of your thinking and way of doing things.” Praise can send somany different messages to both your children and others, it is a truly magic word!
Children and adults alike are able to tackle things with more confidence when they receive wordsof praise that carry these types of messages. When behavior is praised, people also try to engage inthat behavior more and more. If you are able to create a cycle of positive reinforcement where thechild receives praise for putting in a bit of effort, uses that praise as emotional fuel for them to dotheir best again, and then receives even more praise, they will go on to feel assured in life.
What are some of the points to consider when it comes to scolding, then? First, there are two maintypes of behavior that should be scolded: 1) behavior that hurts the child and/or others, and 2)
behavior that risks causing an accident, like running out into the street.
Other behavior like not listening, breaking a promise, or lying is an opportunity to teach children
how they should act rather than to scold them. If your child will not put their toys away no matter
how many times you tell them to, you can teach them by saying “This toy goes in here.” This will givethem a sense of accomplishment, and they may even learn to put their toys away on their own nexttime if you praise them without hesitation. When they have broken a promise or told a lie, it is goodto encourage them to apologize based on their current ability and level of understanding, saying“What do we say? We say ‘I’m sorry.’” If you help them learn how to convey an apology well, letthem experience the feeling of being able to apologize on their own, and praise them for it, you
should find them doing it relatively more.

3Chapter 3

Find Your Child’s “Cans” to Make
Everyone Happy
Try to picture who those “people that can do anything” are. Are they so-called prodigies? Or maybe
Japan’s top athletes? In reality, no one can do everything. We all support each other in various ways
in life. No matter how many examples you give of people with remarkable abilities, there is no end
to the list of things they cannot do. But when we think of all the things that we ourselves cannot do,
we start to feel dejected and lose confidence, making the things we actually can do difficult. Whenit comes to your child, start by clearly identifying and sharing with your child what they can do andwhat they are good at.
The next step is to categorize your child’s abilities based on the level they can do them at. The tablebelow has some examples.

I can do it easily
on my own

I can do it sometimes
if I try

I almost never can,even if I really try...

Getting
DressedI can put on a jacket
by myself

I can zip zippers
if they line up right

I can’t button buttons
on my own

EatingI can eat with spoons
no problem!

I can’t hold chopstick I still can’t use
well, but I can still eat chopsticks holding
with them mostly
them the right way

Bathroom

I can go to thebathroom without
objection if prompted

I go to the bathroom
on my own
sometimes

Play
FriendshipI can’t wipe myself
clean yet

I can play with building I share toys withblocks by myself
friends sometimes

I still can’t understandgames with rules

I play with friends
sometimes when
they invite me

I still don’t invite
friends to play on my
own

I’ve memorized thenames of some of myfriends

Our focus here is on the column in the middle: “I can do it sometimes if I try.” The key here is topush these toward the “I can do it easily” column. Trying to improve the “I almost never can” column
first is not likely to yield results any time soon and can end up diminishing the confidence of parent
or guardian, caretaker, and child alike. If you work on turning things “I can do sometimes if I try” intothings “I can do easily,” learning tricks and gaining confidence along the way, they will eventually beable to tackle the things “I almost never can” today.

4Chapter 4

Signs of Mental Health Issues in Children
and What to Do About It
In this section, we will discuss the signs of mental health issues in both children and adults and how
to deal with them.
Mental health issues mainly present as “stress” and trigger a variety of different bodily responses.
Let us give a few examples of what stress can look like.

When you’re stressed, you might...

□Get sweaty palms□Feel your heart pound□Get shaky hands and feet
□Feel dizzy□Have stomach pain

□Have trouble concentrating□Lose motivation□Lose your appetite□Have trouble sleeping□Oversleep□Get irritated□Get flustered□Get angry□Feel down□Cry

Not all of these will show up in everyone, and we know that different people are prone to different
stress responses. Some of them are complete opposites. As you can see in the examples above,some people have trouble sleeping while others oversleep.
We also know that these stress responses are seen not only in adults, but also in children. Children
are known to exhibit almost the same responses as adults when stressed, but they have been foundto show a number of characteristic ones.
The people around children - their parents, guardians and teachers - are the ones who will be able
to spot these stress responses, that is to say the signs of mental health issues. But it is also a wellknown fact that they are hard for adults to recognize on their own. The key to properly picking up onthese signs is not overlooking any changes from before when the child was relatively well.
If something is not quite right, ask if they are having fun at kindergarten, daycare, or school, eat theirfavorite foods with them, and play together. Try to identify some specific, enjoyable experiences tohelp them realize that there are plenty of activities out there that can provide joy.

My appetite is bigger or smaller
I’m spaced out and my responses are tepid
I can’t do the things I’ve always
been able to do or it takes me longer

I’ m irritable and more aggressive
My grades have fallen
and I seem unfocused
I sob and cry inconsolably

I seem like I’ m not sleeping at night or can’t fall asleep
I’ ve lost interest in my favorite things(TV, comics, etc.)

5Chapter 5

When Parents and Guardians Show Signs of
Mental Health Issues
The stress responses and signs of mental health issues introduced in Chapter 4 can, of course, show
up in parents and guardians as well. When they do, it is important to determine whether the problem
is at a level that can be overcome (1) on their own, (2) with support from family and those aroundthem, or (3) only by consulting a hospital, clinic, or other medical institution. If signs of mental
health issues have been observed for roughly two weeks in a row or more, or the symptoms are
causing a negative impact in daily life, like an inability to do household chores or an unwillingness
to go to work, consider the possibility that the person is facing a level (3) issue when choosing
how to respond.
If you are trying to overcome mental health issues on your own or with support from thosearound you, we recommend that you try starting off with things that you can do and that arereadily manageable for you. When doing so, it is also important to not get caught up in being
perfect. If you start off with something you are not good at or that is hard for you to manage aiming
for perfection, it will often take a lot of time and effort and you may find yourself in a situation where
things do not work out at all in the end. But if you take on things that are more manageable instead,
you will have a better chance of feeling “slightly better” by building up a series of small wins, even
if it is still difficult to accomplish something big. The idea is that if shooting for 100 means there isa risk that you will end up scoring 0, then aiming for 50 from the get-go could be an option. If you
continue to find yourself ultimately unable to do things you should be able to, you may be facing alevel (3) issue. Opt to consult a hospital or clinic.
It is also important to take a preventive stance so you are less likely to fall prey to mental healthissues in the first place. Stress is actually not necessarily a bad thing. We know for a fact that acertain degree of stress and tension has a positive effect on our ability to control our behavior andexert our abilities. Other emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety that are generally considerednegative are also not definitively bad. There are no inherently “good” and “bad” emotions. But someemotions can prevent us from doing the things we normally do and interfere with our everyday lives,
so nevertheless, it is important that we are able to live with them.
People who believe that stress is a good thing that helps elevate them are said to have better mental
health and greater long-term wellbeing than those who believe stress is a bad thing. We encourage
you to think about the actions you can take not only to avoid stress but also live with it.

6Chapter 6

When in Need of Help
As mentioned in Chapter 1, our troubles and worries will never completely go away. We will always
have worries in some shape or form, and we must learn to live with them. But even if you find aproblem hard to solve on your own, you may be able to overcome it with support from those aroundyou.
That includes your family and friends, and your child’s kindergarten, daycare, and school teachers.
Schools have teachers serving in a variety of capacities that each bring special skills to the table,
including homeroom teachers, teachers in charge of specific grades, school nurses (health teachers),
and school counselors certified as psychologists.
Some people, on the other hand, may be afraid to have those close to them know about
their problems. Save the Children Japan, an international NGO dedicated to helping
children, lists a number of primarily public institutions you can consult on its “Oyako no
Mikata” [Friends of Parents and Children] consultation directory. We will highlight a few
here that are available for different issues.
Child-raising Issues
Municipal child and family consultation desks
Offer consultations to help with concerns and worries regarding children and child raising. Provide
tailored advice for individual children and families to support you in your daily life. Search “nameof municipality” + “child-raising consultations,” etc.
Child guidance centers
Nationwide hotline available for consultations on a wide range of issues from child-raising todiscipline and parenting fatigue when in distress. TEL: 189 (“ichi-haya-ku” [act quickly])Children’s Mental HealthChild Mental Health Institute Map (National Center for Child Health and Development)
A searchable map by the Child Mental Health Network Development Program of hospitals, clinics,
and other institutes providing mental health care for children. Search “child mental health institute
map.”
Personal Mental Health Care
“Kokoro no Kenko” nationwide hotline
Connects you to your local “Kokoro no Kenko” [mental health] helpline and other public counselingservices provided by the prefecture or designated city you are calling from.
TEL: 0570-064-556 (toll free)
Domestic Violence (DV)Specialized counselors are available to discuss domestic violence from a spouse or partner. Yourcall will be transferred to your nearest counseling center that you can consult with directly.
TEL: #8008 (nationwide)7

Chapter 7

Reference Materials
Health and Global Policy InstituteHealth and Global Policy Institute (HGPI) is an independent, non-profit, non-partisan and private healthand global policy think tank established in 2004. It aims to achieve citizen-centered health policy bybringing together a wide range of stakeholders and generating policy options for the public from a neutral
standpoint. It represents an independent voice not bound by the positions of any particular political partyor organization, working to foster fair and healthy communities by shaping ideas and values from broad,forward-looking perspectives and acting as a catalyst of change, making an impact on society from a global
point of view.

HGPI Website

https://hgpi.org/en/

FY2021 HGPI Child Health Project “Building a Mental Health Programfor Children and Measuring its Effectiveness” Website
https://hgpi.org/research/ch-survey-202206.html

Studio Sora’s “Sora Tsushin” [Sora News]
Studio Sora publishes monthly columns on key points when it comes to raisin children, tips for solving
child-raising issues, and perspectives on support as well as rehabilitation for children with developmental
disabilities.

Studio Sora Website

https://studiosora.jp/

Sora Tsushin Website

https://studiosora.jp/column/category/care/8This research is part of a project by the specified nonprofit corporation Health and Global
Policy Institute (HGPI) through a grant from The Nippon Foundation. We would like to express
our sincere gratitude to the schools and organizations that have supported the project and our
research.

Project Members
Shunichiro Kurita (HGPI), Yukiko Kawata (HGPI),
Shunki Shimizu (HGPI), Shunsuke Koseki (J. F. Oberlin University),
Chikaze Sugiyama (J. F. Oberlin University, JSPS Research Fellow)
The information provided may not be copied, reproduced, distributed, reprinted, ortransferred without permission. If you would like to participate in related research or
put it into practice in the classroom, please contact us below.

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Email: skoseki@obirin.ac.jp / TEL: 042-797-8934
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