TEACHING DIARIES AND NEGATIVEEMOTIONS: TWO TEACHERS ADJUSTING TO
THEIR FIRST YEAR IN A JAPANESE
UNIVERSITY
Amanda J. Yoshida
María Vanessa Góngora Jurado
Kanda University of International Studies

ABSTRACTThis paper examines the two most salient negative
emotions experienced by two teachers during their firstyear at a private university in Japan. Both teachers kept adiary of their first year to uncover similarities anddifferences in their adjustment to their new work
environment. The diary data revealed situations thatbrought about feelings of frustration and overwhelm. For
teachers to better understand and support each other,encouragement to use reflective practice tools, such asteaching diaries, are needed at every stage of theircareers.
INTRODUCTIONAs teachers settle into a new work environment, there is an adjustment
period. In recent years, teacher emotions have become a topic of study as
people have come to realize that not just the learners, but also theteachers matter. Keller et al. (2014) state that “Teacher emotions matter”(p. 78) because teaching, itself, is full of a range of emotions, such as
enjoyment, anxiety, and even anger. Various aspects of teachers,
including identity, motivation, efficacy, agency, and autonomy have been
topics of study. However, Mercer and Kostoulas (2018) point out that
understanding “teacher psychology” and the emotions involved inacademic environments, not just classrooms, “can ensure that theyflourish in their professional roles and are able to be the best teachers
they can possibly be - for the sake of their own professional well-being aswell as for their learners’ well-being and ultimate learning” (p. 2).
During the orientation sessions at their new job, the authors of this paper
agreed to keep a diary of their emotional adjustment throughout the firstyear using the framework of reflective practices. The primary goal of this147
Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

research project was to uncover the emotions that both authors, whocome from different backgrounds, experienced as they transitioned to a
new teaching context. The secondary goal was to analyse and deeply
reflect on the causes of their most salient negative emotional responses
throughout the year, and to examine strategies for overcoming difficulties.
MacIntyre et al. (2019) point out the lack of research into language
teachers’ psychological health and tools to analyse such emotions (forexceptions, see Mercer & Kostoulas, 2018; Talbot & Mercer, 2018; Hiver,2018). While Cowie (2011), Loh and Liew (2016), Zemblyas (2003), Yin
et al. (2016) have employed interviews to collect data based on teachers’
emotions, the authors of this paper have noticed that no previous studies
exist in which emotions are analysed through teaching diaries.
This paper will examine relevant literature on reflective practices andteacher emotions, present a method for diary analysis, and explore theemotional journey that two teacher-researchers (the authors) experienced
in their first year of teaching in a new context.
​
LITERATURE REVIEW​
Reflective Practices
Although there are many definitions of reflective practice, we agree with
Farrell’s summation (2015) that it is “a process of recognizing, examining,deliberating over the impact and implications of one’s beliefs,
experiences, attitudes, knowledge, and values on classroom practices” (p.
8). Reflective practice therefore can and should extend beyond theclassroom into the school context. Furthermore, reflective practice can
influence a teacher’s whole self, both professionally and personally,
regardless of their experience, and it serves a variety of purposes (Farrell2015). Of particular interest to us in this paper is that reflective practicehelps “develop resourcefulness and resilience required to face futurechallenges and changes in the profession” (Farrell, 2015, p. 114). While
teachersmaynaturallyreflecton
theirpractices,manyteacher-researchers recommend using a reflective tool or framework,
such as a teaching diary, for reflective practice to reap the most benefits.
​
Collaborative Teaching Diaries
Both of us have always enjoyed writing, and we each had maintained
personal and teaching diaries in our pasts. We agreed that teaching
diaries would be helpful in our first year as we adjusted to a newenvironment and that opening our diaries up to each other would help tomitigate the inevitable rollercoaster of emotions.
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

Teaching diaries are one such tool that can be used for reflective practice.
We agreed it is a good way to not only reflect about our teaching but also
to write about a variety of issues about teaching and life in general. Bailey(2001) points out that teaching journals can be used to articulate
problems, vent frustrations, clarify issues, and explore one’s own
thoughts or ideas. A teaching diary can help teachers develop
professionally; however, we concede that collaborative teaching diaries
may be an intimidating endeavor for teachers who are new to the notionof writing down, exploring, and possibly exposing one’s thoughts to peer
colleagues who may read their diaries (Mann & Walsh, 2017). In addition,
we acknowledge the difficulty of writing journal entries because mostteachers have never been taught how to do it, as noted in Mann andWalsh (2017), and we agree that it takes time to build trust between
co-researchers if they agree to share their diaries via a shared document
system, such as Google Docs or Dropbox. While it is true that it may taketime for colleagues to build a trusting relationship, the idea of a “collegial
friendship” is not new. As Farrell (2018) points out this term was first
discussed in 1975 by Stenhouse when he suggested that teachers consult
with colleagues to develop their own reflective abilities. In the case of acollaborative diary, like ours, the writers share their diary entries withother teachers and may or may not provide verbal or written feedback in
the way of comments or discussions. Farrell (2018) states thatcollaborative journal writing serves various purposes, such as encouraging
reflective inquiry, challenging, supporting, and monitoring each other’s
thinking, asking questions, and analyzing development, to name a few.
​
When starting a collaborative journal, like many researchers, werecommend that collaborators agree on some fundamental rules andguidelines, such as how often to write, where to keep the journal, what
format to use for writing entries, and how to share and provide feedback.
In our case, we agreed to write once a week and to read each other’s
entries the following week, providing support, insights, and questions via
the commenting function.
Common Factors of Negative Emotions for Teachers
Emotions are complex and difficult to define due to their subjectivity.
Cowie (2011) cites Winograd (2005) who observed that though teachers
are encouraged to avoid expressing their negative emotions within theirteaching context, “learning to deal with ‘darker emotions’ is just as
important” (p. 241) for their development. This has been shown in several
studies which have explored the causes of negative emotional responses,
such as frustration, anger, and anxiety. In addition, of particular relevanceto our study is that these negative emotions that teachers experience
may not necessarily be related to events inside their classrooms. For
149
Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

example, MacIntyre et al. (2019) separated stressors into two types. One
type of stressor is chronic and includes heavy workload, long/irregular
hours, family problems, and loneliness. The other type is life event
stressors which include a change in living situation, change in
employment, end of a relationship, serious personal illness/injury, elderly
parents, and non-specific stress at work.
​
We agree that triggers of emotions can arise from personal matters,interpersonal issues at work, as well as with management, and problems
inside the classroom. Keller et al. (2014) note that language teachers
may experience more stress due to concerns about silence and apathy on
the part of students along with a lack of support from their institutions.
Furthermore, Kyriacou (2001) points out that a lack of motivation on thepart of students and classroom discipline are sources of stress andfrustration for teachers. What all this means for language teachers is thatthey experience negative emotions arising from triggers inside theclassroom, and it may influence teacher efficacy or at least theirperceived feelings of efficacy.
​
While interactions with learners themselves may lead to stressful
situations, researchers have reported on several key factors outside theclassroom that also trigger negative emotional reactions. For example, in
Cowie’s (2011) study, participants in a Japanese tertiary context
expressed emotions, such as disappointment and anger, and found thatinteractions with colleagues and institutions elicited “much moredeep-seated and longer-lasting resentments and frustrations” (p. 240)
than situations experienced within the classroom. Loh and Liew (2016)
found that teachers experienced negative emotional responses from
grading student work, performing English-related duties, using theprescribed curriculum, and the ethical demands of teaching itself. In
addition to the pressure from institutions or other colleagues, teachers
may also suffer from anxiety as shown in the work of Keller et al. (2014)
who observed that younger teachers and older teachers experienceteacher anxiety for different reasons. We agree with Keller et al. (2014)
that for younger teachers, sources of anxiety may stem from uncertainty
regarding their own abilities or being liked by the students and thatmeanwhile, more experienced teachers may experience anxiety when
they have difficulties with students, poor work conditions, financial
constraints, or lack of resources. In addition, Keller et al. (2014) cites
several findings in which teacher anxiety stems from uncertainty about
one's own efficacy in the classroom (Sutton & Wheatley, 2003), feeling
unprepared or overwhelmed (Chang, 2009; Hargreaves, 2005; Sutton &Wheatley, 2003), and attempting new teaching strategies either due to
one’s own desires to better reach their students or due to educational
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

mandates (Darby, 2008). For language teachers, negative emotional
reactions may stem from a variety of triggers that occur within the realmof teaching responsibilities and everyday interactions outside theclassroom, which could also be mixed with the common stressors inside
the classroom. As a result, it is likely that some teachers will experienceanxiety, and if that is the case, then reflective practices, in our caseteaching diaries, may be useful to better manage these common
stressors.
​
METHOD
The present study examined the relationship between negative emotional
responses and how teaching diaries could help mitigate these emotions.
The study involved two teachers (the authors) who were new to theirteaching context and examined their adjustment period over the course of
one year. Therefore, the study aimed to answer the following questions:(1) What situations led to negative emotional responses for each teacher
during their first year at a new job?; (2) How did each teacher use theirteaching diaries to attend to their negative emotions and improve theirsituations? In this section, we will introduce the context and theparticipants along with the data collection and analysis techniques.
​Context and ParticipantsThis four-year university, located in the east of Japan, specializes inforeign languages and intercultural communication. The lecturers teachthe required 1st and 2nd year English as a Foreign Language (EFL)
courses along with some elective courses for 3rd or 4th year students. Allclasses meet 2 or 4 times per week. Since the English lecturers are on
fixed-term contracts, the university recruits several new lecturers eachyear both locally and from abroad.
The authors of this paper, Vanessa and Amanda, who are also thesubjects of this study, met for the first time during the two-weekorientation that took place prior to the commencement of classes.
Because they have had varied life experiences, they understood thepotential of keeping a collaborative diary in which they could examine
their first year in their new work environment while providing continued
support to each other.
Vanessa is an English language teacher in her mid-thirties who was new
to Japan at the beginning of the research period. Prior to Japan, though,she had taught EFL for over five years in different countries andeducational contexts mainly in Europe and the Middle East. Furthermore,
she had a very positive experience teaching Japanese students in the UK,
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

so she was very excited about the prospect of teaching them in their own
country. However, the main reason Vanessa came to Japan was to takeadvantage of research opportunities so that she could take her career tothe next level. Unlike Amanda, she came to Japan on her own with little
or hardly any idea of the complexity of the Japanese culture or theireducation system.
Amanda is a native speaker English-language teacher in her 40s. She has
been teaching in Japan for nearly 20 years, first in the secondary context
and later moving into the tertiary context. At the commencement of thisstudy, she had begun working as a lecturer at the university that wasnear her home. She had been dreaming of working at this university formany years because of the location and from the outside, it seemed likean ideal work environment. Since she had sufficient experience teachingin Japan, and she had built a stable family and social life, she was mostly
looking forward to meeting new people, teaching motivated students, andbeing able to focus on her own professional development. She imaginedthat working close to home would give her the opportunity to achieve it
all.
Data Collection
Sharing a diary requires a great amount of trust and a promise ofconfidentiality (Mann & Walsh, 2017); therefore, we agreed on someground rules (Farrell, 2018) for our reflective practice. We maintained ourdiaries in two shared Google Documents so we could access and readeach other’s diaries. Our purpose for this was to read and makecomments that might encourage each other to reflect by asking probing
questions (Farrell, 2018).
Our diaries followed the structure of a focused free-write diary as
recommended by Stevens and Cooper (2009) whereby specific topics arechosen by the teachers allowing them to explore relevant topics ofconcern. Therefore, we agreed to focus on four main teaching areas: classmanagement, time management, group work, and student-centeredclasses. These topics were agreed upon in the beginning because we
predicted they would be relevant to our adjustment in the first year.
Additionally, there was a general reflection section where we could write
about any other topics that were not necessarily related to the four areas.
Thus, we could write about topics ranging from personal issues to events
that were occurring in and outside the classroom.
Analysis of Diary Data
The first year of our research project was focused on data collection. In
the first semester, we each wrote in our diaries once per week. However,152
Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

we did not meet often to discuss our diaries as we agreed to read eachother’s diaries and leave non-judgmental comments which would provide
encouragement and insights. Conversely, in the second semester, wewrote once every two weeks due to an increase in our workload. In theend, Vanessa had 28 entries (17,076 total words), and Amanda had 21
entries (26,937 total words).
The second year of our research project was focused on the analysis
phase. We read the diaries from beginning to end and attempted to see
patterns in our data. In this phase, we noticed that emotions, orreferences to emotional responses, emerged frequently. Therefore, we
opted to use emotion coding as described in Saldaña (2016) in which theresearchers “label the emotions recalled and/or experienced by theparticipant, or inferred” (p. 125). We marked each paragraph foremotions that were either mentioned explicitly or inferred. According to
Saldaña (2016), emotions may be inferred by the non-verbal cues or thetone that the writing takes on during an account of an incident. At the
beginning of our emotion coding process, we compared excerpts from ourdiaries to make sure we both understood the process of coding. See Table
1 for examples of how various excerpts were coded as the emotion“frustration” due to non-verbal cues, such as the use of punctuation,
capital letters, and idioms.
Emotions themselves may be perceived differently by people, therefore
we feel it is important to provide a caveat. Emotion coding can prove to
be challenging when defining the emotions themselves. According toScherer (2005), many researchers have made attempts to define
emotions but “emotions are what people say they are” (p. 697). In ourcase, we sometimes experienced similar situations with our students orcolleagues, but we may have experienced different emotions or been led
to infer the emotion by our word choice or tone, and then label it withdifferent emotions. The fact is that emotions are very subjective, and we
all know of the general, accepted meanings, but we may also have slightly
different uses for them in our own lives. Therefore, we focused on coding
our own diaries, but met several times to discuss our coding process andhow we were interpreting our diaries.
REFLECTION​
The data was analyzed based on emotions that emerged from the diaries.
Vanessa’s most salient emotions were frustration, overwhelm, concern,and stress. Amanda’s most salient emotions were frustration, overwhelm,

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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

Table 1 Example Excerpts from Diaries with Non-Verbal Cues that Indicate
Frustration
Authors

Excerpts

Amanda“Still, it took 3 hours per class,and there were STILL a few
students’ essays that fell throughthe cracks.”●“I see other teachers who arethoroughly enjoying theirweekends, and I am so envious. I
spend my weekends (often
cancelling outings with family or
friends) working and getting NO
ENJOYMENT out of my life.”●“Sometimes, I am still so frazzled
from the morning activities at myhouse that my head is just not in
the game yet. I always say tomyself, ‘Tomorrow, I am going toarrive at school at least 20 or 30
minutes before 1st period begins
so that I can gather my thoughts.’
However, I consistently arrive
about 3 minutes before 9AM!
What can I do?”●Vanessa“Long (and painful) silences when
asked to give their opinions”●

The use of brackets and the
choice of words (painful). Thisadjective indicates a “physicalresponse” to the emotion of
frustration.

Vanessa

1) unnerving silences which areculture related.

●

The use of italics for an
adjective to emphasize theatmosphere.

Vanessa“...but in Japan I haveencountered a 4) ‘wall of silence’every time I tried to elicit answers
or even opinions/arguments. At
first, I thought it was me;”●The use of metaphors (“wall ofsilence”).
The use of inverted commas
indicates a sense of emotion (“Ithought it was me”).

“If only I had known about the
awkward silences in theclassroom, or the ‘importance’(and questionable usefulness) of●●

AmandaAmandaVanessa

Non-verbal Cues

●

●

●
●
●

●

The use of capital letters tends
to indicate frustration.
The use of the idiom, “fellthrough the cracks”, indicatessome kind of emotional
response.
The use of capital letters toindicate frustration.
The use of the word “envious”
denotes frustration.

The use of colorful language,
such as “frazzled” indicates anatmosphere of frustration.
An example of self-talk displays
my state of mind.
The use of exclamation points
gives a sense of frustration.
The question at the end provides
a sense of desperation.

Use of inverted commas.
Use of adjectives and nouns thatindicate frustration(“importance” and “questionable

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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

TOEIC, or the impact of their parttime jobs in their academic
achievements, it would havesaved me hours of frustration.”
Vanessa“I seriously wonder whether they
will be able to complete theassessment next week in just one
and a half hours…”

usefulness”).

●

Choice of words (“seriously” and“wonder”). They seem toindicate the level of frustration.

and regret. However, for the scope of this paper, we will focus on two
emotions: frustration and overwhelm. These emotions ebbed and flowed
throughout the two semesters. By examining the situations connectedwith our salient emotions, patterns emerged which highlighted the ways
we experienced our first year. In Vanessa’s case, her negative emotional
responses were commonly associated with situations that related tosilence in the classroom and heavy workload. For Amanda, her negative
emotional responses were largely connected with time management andoverwork. Throughout our second year, while analyzing the data, we
agreed to focus on the negative emotions experienced in order to reflect
on solutions that lead to both personal and professional growth anddevelopment. Through this reflection period, Vanessa and Amanda readseveral articles and chapters that guided our discussion as we exploredtheir emotions and the connected situations, contexts, and triggers.
​
The two salient negative emotional responses that Amanda and Vanessa
experienced were frustration and overwhelm, as outlined in Table 2 below.
In the subsequent sections, we will introduce each emotion with excerpts
from our diaries followed by reflections on the situations and our own
self-development.
Table 2 Triggers that Caused Negative Emotional Reactions for Vanessa
and Amanda
EmotionConnected Situation / Context / Triggers

Frustration

Silence in the Classroom (Vanessa)
Time Management (Amanda)

Overwhelm

Workload (Vanessa)
Overwork (Amanda)

Frustration
Amanda and Vanessa experienced feelings of frustration during semester
one. The frustration Vanessa felt was mainly due to the silence of her
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

students in her classes. The frustration Amanda felt was mainly due totime management issues outside of the classroom.
Vanessa’s Frustration due to Silence in the Classroom“What is frustrating is the fact that they don’t talk.” (Semester one, Week
5)“...but in Japan I have encountered a 4) “wall of silence” every time I
tried to elicit answers or even opinions/arguments. At first, I thought it
was me;” (Semester one, Week 11)
In my experience working with international students in the UK, they
were always very enthusiastic, talkative, and motivated. Every time I
walked into the classroom, they would greet me and would already be
speaking in English. On a few occasions, the language school I wasworking at in London welcomed young Japanese students (ages ranging
from 16- to 18-years-old) for short one-week courses. Even though they
were shy at the beginning, they quickly adapted to the group dynamics
and soon became more active and engaged despite their low proficiency
levels. On another occasion, I worked on a 10-week pre-sessional course
in a British university where a postgraduate Japanese student joined theclass. Unlike the younger Japanese students, this postgraduate student
had an excellent command of the English language. Even though he wasalso shy at the beginning, he soon became the most active student.
Therefore, the stereotype of shy and introverted Japanese students
contradicted my experience at that time.
As a new teacher coming to Japan for the first time, I was expecting
Japanese students to behave the same way they did back in the UK. Thatis, shy at first, but then quickly becoming more open, motivated, andengaged, like their fellow classmates. This change in Japanese students’behaviour is supported in Nakane’s work (2007, as cited in Bao, 2013)
where she states that Japanese students tend to “question the value of
their own academic environment” (p. 75) in overseas institutions, andtherefore manage to adapt to a more Western classroom despite the“unfamiliar educational methodology” (Yue & Le, 2009; Arthur, 2004, as
cited in Bao, 2013, p. 76).
In my diary, I lamented about my first day in the classroom in Japan.
When I set foot in my classroom for the first time, where I was suddenly
confronted with a wall of silence. That is, every time I asked a question, I
got no response, not even a greeting when I walked into the classroom.
Based on my experience, I took for granted that Japanese students would
be expressing their opinions and asking questions freely, but they156
Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

observed me in silence. Even though silence seems to be “acceptable insocial spheres” (Donahue, 1998, as cited in Bao, 2013, p. 71), and“praised as a virtue” (Bao, 2013, p.71), it can be very frustrating forWestern teachers, to the point it can “trigger a negative emotional
response” (King, 2016). In my case, I felt I was failing as a teacher andeven questioned my own teaching skills at some point. Besides, I was
feeling that my students were not motivated and disinterested both in me
and the subject. Bao (2013) agrees that this type of behaviour can lead
foreign teachers to think that their students have a “lack confidence andlearning engagement” (p.72). Unfortunately, I was completely unfamiliar
with Japan's education system, its culture, and how it shapes students’behaviour and engagement. Little did I know that Japanese students
perceive interfering with silence “as a sign of discourtesy”, and therefore
engaging in conversation with the teacher can be considered poormanners and disruptive (Kato, 2010, as cited in Bao, 2013). As a result, I
was unaware that the silence in the classroom from a Western teacher
perspective can be a serious concern in any Japanese educational context,
which in turn, tends to affect the whole group dynamics and theteacher-student relationship. Furthermore, it can lead to an increase ofteacher talk time (TTT), making the lesson more teacher-centered insteadof student-centered. However, “silence is a pragmatically deep-rooted
feature of the Japanese society” (Bao, 2013, p.71) that Western teachers
should be aware of, but it does not mean they should take it “as a sign ofdisinterest and unintelligence” (p.71). Furthermore, it seems that thisissue regarding the silence in the classroom and its consequences havebeen widely debated and shared amongst most Western teachers who are
already in Japan, but not necessarily shared with other Western teachers
who are new to the country and culture.
After reflecting upon this persistent issue in my diary, I talked to somesenior and veteran teachers who shared their own experiences andrecommended a range of chapters and papers which address this topic. In
addition, reading Dat Bao’s book Understanding Silence and Reticence(2013) helped me to get a better understanding of the classroom culture
and the Japanese education system. Likewise, it even helped me to reflect
on strategies to push my students further to make the classes more
student-centered and, in turn, decrease TTT. It was comforting to knowthat I was not alone in facing this problem.
Amanda’s Frustration due to Time Management“Sometimes, I am still so frazzled from the morning activities at my housethat my head is just not in the game yet. I always say to myself,‘Tomorrow, I am going to arrive at school at least 20 or 30 minutes before

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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

1st period begins so that I can gather my thoughts.’” (Semester One,
Week 7)
In my first year of working in this new context, I was excited because thelocation was close to home, and I would no longer need to commute threehours a day. In the mornings, I would leave home shortly after my spouseand children left. The mornings with children were chaotic, and within ashort time, I was at school teaching first period and trying to give theappearance of calm to my students. Inside, I often felt frustrated. I
believed that teachers should be calm, cool, and collected at all times,
and I worried that my students could sense my frustration in theatmosphere and that this would affect their motivation to learn in myclass.
A common belief in the EFL industry is that teachers should appear
cheerful and enthusiastic in front of students. King and Ng (2018) explainthat no matter what a teacher is going through emotionally at work or inher personal life, it is believed that she should appear cheerful in order tokeep her learners motivated despite the fact that there is no research
indicating that students really expect this. This “hidden socio-culturalrule” (King & Ng, 2018, p. 152) is connected to the major theme of “timemanagement” in my diary. I often worried about how my personal
struggles with time management affected the atmosphere, and in mydiary, I tended to admonish myself for failing to manage my own life. This
continual worry led me to reflect on ways to improve both my home lifeand my time management.
The theme of work-life balance also comes into play here. Upon reflection,
I realized that most of my personal struggles related to my lack ofwork-life balance and my ongoing issues with time management. As aworking mother who is used to juggling ever-changing schedules,
household tasks, and children’s needs along with work responsibilities, I
was surprised that working close to home was so challenging. I
considered ways that I could improve my lifestyle in order toaccommodate my new work schedule and to manage my home life better.
If it had not been for the diary, which brought about the realization that
this was indeed a serious issue for me, it is likely that I would havecontinued showing up to work “frazzled”. In my case, I put effort intocreating and sticking to habits that would eventually become automatic.
Self-help books and podcasts which discuss the formation of good habits
abound. Meanwhile, Lally et al. (2011) demonstrate that “with repetition,
the behaviors become more automatic and less effortful” (p. 487), which
is an insight that can inspire people to attempt to incorporate new habits
since they will become progressively easier. In addition, Lally et al. (2011)
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

suggest that habit formation can be optimized if it is linked with othersmall habits. In my case, I decided to ride my bicycle to work rather thandrive so that the time on my bike allowed me to contemplate the day
ahead, which meant that I had to leave the house earlier and change myclothes at work. This change in lifestyle forced me to rethink my morningand evening routines in order to manage my time, and it gave me moretime to calm down after the morning chaos while getting some fresh air.
This cascade of new habits had a positive effect on my family too. Finally,
arriving at my classes in a more relaxed and calm mood helped me tocreate a good atmosphere for my students, which despite the lack of
research to tell us otherwise, I still believed was important in my job.
Overwhelm
Both Vanessa and Amanda experienced feelings of overwhelm at several
points in their first year. Although the feelings peaked in the firstsemester and dissipated considerably in the second semester, they bothnoticed that this negative response occurred mainly because of overwork.
Vanessa’s Overwhelm due to Workload“It is a LOT of work. I spend most of my lunch breaks working in my officeand leaving work after 6:30 most days.” (Semester 2, Week 4)"The material available for unit 6 (Ethics) seems not to be sufficient forthe purpose of the unit so that’s why I am looking for texts and creating
activities to go with them.” (Semester 2, Week 2)
In our center we do not use textbooks. That means teachers have tocreate their own materials. Even though most of these materials areshared in a folder on Google Drive, these materials tend to be highly
tailored for a specific group of students, making them unsuitable forgeneral use/practice. Furthermore, if a teacher wants to use thesematerials, they need to be adapted for their own groups of students,
which is time-consuming. In addition, all teachers working in thisdepartment must join a curriculum development task group where they
are assigned different tasks, such as creating lesson plans and materials
for specific subjects and class-based assessments. My curriculum
development task consisted of revising an existing unit about “ethics” foran academic reading course because most of the texts and activities were
outdated, mismatched, or incomplete. Therefore, I had to search for texts
and make handouts with activities that focused on lexis and specificreading skills, as well as create mid-term and final exams.
In my diary, I wrote about how busy I felt in the second semester,
especially because I taught not only reading classes, but also academic
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

writing classes on top of developing the Ethics unit. I was constantly
working and hardly had any breaks during my day. I was leaving myoffice very late most days and working through the weekends as well.
This situation was affecting my eating habits and disrupting my sleep atnight. Unlike Amanda, I had no one waiting for me at home. Due to thetime difference, I could not communicate with friends and family, so I
tended to continue working when I got home. As a result, I was unable toset boundaries to help me lead a healthy and balanced lifestyle. In fact, I
was feeling exhausted and moody most of the time due to the lack ofsleep and poor diet. I was not skipping meals, but I was having meals at
unreasonable times so that deadlines were met. As Talbot and Mercer(2018) argue, the workload that teachers handle can be considered a
powerful trigger that leads to negative feelings and emotions affecting
their well-being. The frequency of diary entries related to workload andworking overtime made me realize that I had to tackle this situation
before it got worse. I knew I needed to manage my time effectively. The“single-tasking method”, proposed by Posen (2013), is the practice ofallocating a specific amount of time to accomplish specific tasks without
any distractions getting in your way. For example, in order to feel thepressure of a deadline, I would set a timer for 30 minutes. This way, I
could accomplish a task, such as creating a handout within the allocatedtime. This strategy proved to be very helpful for time management.
Regarding the tasks for my curriculum development group, I implemented
efficient techniques such as simplifying, omitting, adding, and re-ordering(Tomlinson, 2005), when creating my handouts. It took some time to set
a schedule and stick to it, but it dramatically improved my stress levels.
Amanda’s Overwhelm due to Overwork“It takes hours upon hours to provide feedback per cycle in the writing
process, so I am spending a lot of time outside of school and on
weekends doing this.” (Semester One, Week 14)“I don’t think the workload [here] is any bigger than other schools. One
colleague said that other classes were not as time-consuming and that I
should think about what I want [for my life]. I love writing, and I enjoyteaching it, but these academic essays are killers.” (Semester One, Week
14)
I have spent years developing my ability to teach writing, which issomething I am proud of even though it is one of the mosttime-consuming areas of teaching. I believe that I should spend time
providing my students with valuable feedback to keep them motivated. I
often lamented the time I was spending on feedback. However, I noticed
that other courses taught by teachers in my department were not so
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

time-consuming. I was surprised when a colleague asked if teachingwriting is something I really want to be doing or not, and I reflected on it
in my diary in the following weeks.
The themes of work-life balance and time management emergedfrequently, especially in relation to writing classes. It had never occurred
to me that I could do the following things: First, avoid providing extensive
feedback to students on their writing. Second, avoid teaching writingclasses altogether. Was either an option for me? Through reflection, I
realized that I could be more efficient in my feedback methods. By theend of my first year, I resolved to experiment with some efficientmethods, which included being stricter about deadlines and schedulingmore one-on-one consultations with students. I was happy that I had
spent time reflecting and considering new ways to provide feedback.
In the end, I decided that I do want to teach writing because I enjoy it,
and I love seeing the end results. Christopher Day (2012) states thatteachers may experience many factors of stress, such as heavy workload,
but they “remain skillful, knowledgeable, committed, and resilient
regardless of circumstance” (p. 7). In order to continue being a writing
teacher, I would have to figure out better methods for feedback so as not
to negatively affect my lifestyle. I realized that my identity is connected tobeing a writing teacher. According to Day (2012), in the early years of
their careers, “teachers have a developing sense of efficacy leading into astrong sense of self-efficacy” (p. 12); however, in their later years,
teachers experience work-life tensions. Their increased motivation stems
from career advancement and they are able to sustain their motivationand effectiveness, but they are also dealing with heavy workloads andcompeting tensions, perhaps research, family, and life outside of work. I
did not want to give up my writing classes because I had invested timeand effort into them over the years.
Although I decided to continue teaching writing classes, the notion ofreprioritizing one’s life and attempting to design the kind of “teaching” life
I want was a new concept for me. Had I been new to teaching, perhaps
the concept of designing my life would have been welcome though it isunlikely that teachers at the beginning of their careers have many choices
regarding which classes they will teach. In this phase of my teachingcareer, I found myself in a place where I have the agency to choose whichclasses I would like to teach. Day (2012) discusses this “sense of identityand agency” (p. 19) to be vital to a teacher’s motivation and wellbeing.
My decision to continue teaching writing was my own choice, after much
reflection, and I entered my second year with much more motivation anddesire to be the good teacher that I was meant to be. Day (2012) cites
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Yoshida, A. J., & Góngora Jurado, M. V. (2023). Teaching diaries and negative
emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

several researchers who agree that good teaching requires the connection
between emotions and self-knowledge. The diary helped me to reflect on
the perennial issues of time management and effective feedback. It
allowed me to connect my negative emotions to some viable solutions
rather than just wallow in self-pity and resentment. I was able to come toterms with my identity as a good writing teacher.
CONCLUSION
In this paper, we attempted to answer two research questions that
explored what situations led to negative emotional responses during thefirst year at a new job, and how each teacher used their teaching diaries
to examine and reflect on their experiences in order to improve theirsituations. Both Vanessa and Amanda experienced negative emotional
reactions in connection to a variety of situations that occurred both insideand outside the classroom. No matter what stage of their careers,
teachers experience negative emotions both in the classroom and in theirwork environment. It may have been assumed that Vanessa, as ayounger teacher who is brand new to Japan, would have experienced a lotof hardship in her first year. On the other hand, it may have been
assumed that Amanda, an older and experienced teacher in the Japanesecontext, would have adapted smoothly to her new environment. It is clearthat all teachers, no matter what their age or past experience may be,require some time to adjust to their new work environment. However, thisstudy shows a need for institutions and supervisors to provide more
support in terms of curriculum development, classroom management, andteacher wellbeing.
Both Vanessa and Amanda commented that though keeping a diary wasdifficult in terms of time management and content, they found that thediary allowed them to vent their frustrations, take time to reflect on them,and figure out strategies to overcome issues and improve their situations.
In this analysis, they highlighted several ways in which they used thediary to reflect on a situation, connect it to emotions, and then attempt
new approaches to their classroom pedagogy, self-awareness, andprofessional development.
Both teachers agreed that institutions are not classrooms and books,
brand names, reputation, or enrollment numbers. They are people.
Hence, without teachers, there are no institutions. This is why teachers
and their emotional wellbeing matters; therefore, in their teacher training
and teacher development sessions throughout their careers, teachers
should be invited to openly discuss their struggles in a safe andnon-judgmental environment. However, it is not just up to the institutions
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emotions: Two teachers adjusting to their first year in a Japanese university.
Literacies and Language Education: Research and Practice, Spring 2023, 147-165.
English Language Institute, KUIS.

to make this happen. Teachers must be more forthcoming with theiremotions and the situations that are connected to them while
acknowledging the fact that many people lack time for or feel
uncomfortable with keeping a diary. It is strongly recommended thatteachers engage in some form of reflective practice, whether it is a diaryor not, where they can explore their emotions in depth, which would allow
for growth and self-development.
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