THE LEARNER DEVELOPMENT JOURNAL
学習者ディベロップメント研究部会誌
ISSN: 2433-5401
https://ldjournal.ld-sig.org

The Learner Development Journal Issue 7:
Challenging the Conventions of Learner Development Research
Author: Amelia Yarwood
Title: Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning
Module: A Short Story Approach
Date of publication online: 2023
DOI: https://doi.org/10.37546/JALTSIG.LDJ7-2
Author contact: <yarwood-a(at)kanda(dot)kuis(dot)ac(dot)jp>
Published by the Japan Association for Language Teaching
Learner Development Special Interest Group, Tokyo
https://ld-sig.org/
Copyright 2023 each respective author
This article can be cited as:
Yarwood, A. (2023). Tracing emotion in the (re)construction of an EFL identity during aself-directed learning module: A short story approach. The Learner Development Journal,
7, 11–31. https://doi.org/10.37546/JALTSIG.LDJ7-2

This article is part of a collection of practitioner research on the theme of “Challenging theConventions in Learner Development Research” for Issue 7 of the Learner Development
Journal (LDJ7), edited by Ellen Head, Aya Hayasaki, and Ryo Moriya. Published once a year,
each issue of the Learner Development Journal follows a Community of Practices approachover a period of approximately 18 months in which contributors work together, under theguidance of the editors, to share, respond to, and develop their research and writing.
Articles are published in the Learner Development Journal under a Creative Commons Attribution
License (CC BY), of which CC BY 4.0 is the most recent version. Under this agreement, authors
grant users the right to unrestricted dissemination and re-use of the work. They ask only thatproper attribution is given to the work.

ARTICLE
Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an
EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning
Module: A Short Story Approach
Amelia Yarwood, Research Institute for Learner Autonomy Education,
Kanda University of International Studies, Japan<yarwood-a(at)kanda(dot)kuis(dot)ac(dot)jp>
This paper explores the stories told by Hiroto, an EFL learner enrolled in a semester-long self-directedlanguage learning (SDLL) module to understand how the emotional qualities found in the stories interact
with Hiroto’s identity (re)construction. Barkhuizen’s (2016b) short story approach was used in conjunction
with emotion-based codes to analyse data extracts from interviews, constructed identity statements, anda visual language learning history. The findings reveal that Hiroto experiences a constant flux of emotions
throughout his SDLL journey that interact in different ways with micro, meso, and macro-level factors
such as an existing desired identity, academic obligations, cultural influences, and TOEIC examinations.

本論文は、1学期にわたる自己主導型言語学習（SDLL）
モジュールに在籍するEFL学習者ヒロトの物語を探求し、彼の物語に見られる感情の性質がヒロトのアイデンティティ（再）構築とどのように相互作用するかを理解する。
Barkhuizen（2016）のショートストーリーア
プローチは、
インタビュー、構築されたアイデンティティステートメント、視覚化した言語学習史から抽出したデータを分析するために、感情に基づくコードと組み合わせて使用された。
その結果、ヒロトはSDLLの旅路によって、既存の望ましいアイデンティティ、学業上の義務、文化的影響、TOEIC試験などのミクロ、
メゾ、
マクロレベルの要因とさまざまな形で相互作用する、持続的な感情の流動を経験していることが明らかになった。

Keywords

learner emotions, emotional qualities, EFL learner, identity construction, narrative case study
学習者感情、感情の性質、外国語としての英語学習者、
アイデンティティの構築、
ナラティブによる事例研究

Introduction

Stories of language learning are at the core of my personal, professional, and researchlife. It is through stories that learners can make sense of their multiple, dynamic identities,
each of which is grounded in different places, spaces, and times. In my role as a Learning
Advisor (LA), a language and self-directed learning specialist, I became fascinated by how
the emotions in the stories my students shared mediated their actions; either facilitatingor hindering their learning, or influencing who they identified as language learners.
However, when consulting the literature, I found that little attention had been paid toemotions due to preferences for cognitive approaches (Swain, 2013; Dörnyei & Ryan, 2015)
and an unfamiliarity with how to conduct emotion research (Swain, 2013). Connections
between self-directed learning, learner identity, and emotions were even fewer. With
this gap in mind, I set out to adopt a “person-centred” approach (Benson, 2019, p. 65)
that would shed light on how learning experiences and emotions interact with the way
in which self-directed language learning identities are constructed, deconstructed, andreconstructed anew through storytelling. Storytelling, it seemed, was the perfect vehicle
to understand the sociocultural and psychological experiences of a learner and how they
influence, inform, and are integrated into their perception of who they are as a learner.

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Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning Module

Using stories as both process and product was a challenge. Just as my participant had tomake decisions about language choice, structure, presentation, and the interpretations
offered, I also had to make decisions about how I gave meaning to another person’s
experiences, emotions, and identities. The difficulty was only increased by the uncertainty,
bewilderment, and frustration I encountered when attempting to combine the multiple
threads of related stories in a way that would resonate with the reader. I have done mybest to explore the relational processes that occur in the development of self-directedlanguage learning identities; however, I invite readers to be active participants in thestorytelling process - interpret what you read with an awareness of your own language
learning experiences, emotions, and sense of self.

Self-Directed Language Learning

Self-directed language learners, those willing to be responsible for their own learning
processes, are likely to be engaged, focused, and maintain effective study habits(Thornton, 2010). These benefits are desirable for life-long learning and personal growth.
Consistent self-directed language learning (SDLL), while ideal, is not the reality. In reality,
SDLL is relational. It is a tapestry of coloured threads that represents any number ofinteracting variables, including learner’s beliefs, values, personalities, lived experiences,and situational factors within their personal, social, and wider socio-political worlds. Inan effort to better understand and regulate some of these variables, educating learners
in the use of practical and reflective self-directed learning skills has been advocated byleading researchers (Nunan, 1999; Oxford, 1990, 2017). The approach taken to SDLL in mycontext, a self-access learning centre near Tokyo, seeks to actively address the dynamic
nature of language learning. Thus, considerable efforts are made to work with learners toco-construct a narrative that makes explicit the personal, interpersonal, and contextual
variables that influence self-directed learning.
Practically, this is achieved by employing Learning Advisors (LAs), foreign language
teaching and learning specialists trained in reflective dialogue tools and practices (Kato& Mynard, 2016). Advising sessions are open to all students who wish to explore theirlearning processes alongside an advisor. The sessions are voluntary, often conducted in
the students’ target language, and are a unique feature of the self-access centre.
Training in SDLL through modules collectively known as the Effective Learning
Module (ELM) is also offered. Delivered as two separate modules, the introductory ELM
1 module covers practical SDLL skills such as goal setting, language learning strategies,
resources, and overcoming barriers (e.g., motivation, confidence) and is a prerequisite forenrolment in the more self-directed and reflective ELM 2. Practical and reflective skills areinterwoven in each module, albeit to different degrees. For example, practical SDLL skills
are introduced and explored across six weekly units in ELM 1 before a personal learning
plan is developed, implemented, and reflected upon by the student. LAs provide written
feedback each week, but advising sessions are not built into the schedule (although
they can, and are requested). In contrast, ELM 2 includes intermittent reflective training
activities which are designed to deepen the weekly reflections module takers write basedon what they notice about the process of implementing their personal learning plans.
Several advising sessions are embedded in the ELM 2 schedule. (For a full explanation of
the modules, see Davies & Yarwood, 2023; Imamura & Wongsarnpigoon, 2023.)

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SDLL and Language Learner Identity

Characterised as volitional action and the genuine self-endorsement of a learning task
(Mynard et al., 2022), autonomy is at the heart of the SDLL modules. Learners enrolled
in these modules are thus required to reflect on who they are as language learners andmake self-endorsed decisions about the what, where, why, and how of their learning.
However, not all learners are willing to take responsibility for their own learning due topreferences for learning styles that are passive and teacher centred (Wong & Nunan,
2011) or uncertainty in adjusting their approaches to make the most of new, autonomous
learning environments (Curry et al., 2017; Victori & Lockhart, 1995). For others, thevariables outlined earlier (e.g., personal, interpersonal, and situational) may facilitate orhinder self-directed learning. Learners thus operate at, and maneuver between, different
stages of autonomous thinking and behaviour (i.e., from other-directed to completely
self-directed) for a number of reasons (Kato & Mynard, 2016).
In the experience of many advisors, changes in autonomy and self-directed learning
behaviours take time, are supported by the advisor-advisee bond, and may not always
be immediately visible (Davis et al., 2019; Edlin & Yarwood, 2019). Anecdotal evidence
from experienced advisors, myself included, highlights the complex and lengthy process
involved in developing an autonomous, self-directed learner identity. Frequently,
the changes in learners’ beliefs and affective realities that signal a transformation inautonomy development are not immediately recognisable (Chong & Reinders, 2022).
Without understanding the processes, affordances, and obstacles that shape thedevelopment of self-directed learner identities over time and, in the context of SDLL
experiences, educators may inadvertently underestimate the impact of SDLL teaching
and learning pedagogies. Thus I aim to provide an example of how language advisors,classroom teachers, and those developing self-directed learning materials could
holistically explore ways in which SDLL experiences influence, inform, and are integrated
into individual language learners’ identities.

Stories of Who Am I?

Learner identity is grounded in past experiences and exerts considerable influence on
current and future goals, values, and concerns (Miyahara, 2014, 2017). The temporal,
goal- and value-oriented nature of identity is reaffirmed in Norton’s often cited definitionof identity as, “the way a person understands [their] relationship to the world, howthat relationship is structured across time and space, and how the person understands
possibilities for the future” (Norton, 2013, p. 4). It appears then that there is no betterway to understand, maintain, or modify language learning behaviours than to untangle
the subjective values interwoven with a learner’s understanding of their L2 learning
experiences and their ongoing identity work (i.e., renegotiating an identity). As perceptionsof experiences, values, goals, and identity are unique to the individual, a “person-centred”
approach (Benson, 2019, p. 65) that gives prominence to an individual’s experiences in andconceptions of social contexts rather than the social context itself are most appropriate to
the task (Benson, 2019; Dörnyei & Ryan, 2015; Ushioda, 2011, 2016).
Narratives, or more specifically, elicited storytelling is one method that can be used
to gain access to the subjective experiences inherent in learner identity research(Barkhuizen, 2016b, 2017; Dörnyei & Ryan, 2015; Hiver et al., 2020; McAdams & McLean,
2013), while also creating a space for learners to exercise their agency in defining andrenegotiating their identities. In other words, through the process of the self-reflection
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Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning Modulethat takes place in elicited storytelling situations, learners develop a greater awarenessof their individual processes (Kato & Mynard, 2016). Meanwhile, agency is demonstrated
when learners construct, evaluate and ultimately share the stories they feel are
relevant to their identity as language learners (Barkhuizen 2016b; Prior, 2016, 2019). The
constructed nature of elicited stories often encounters questions of representation andtrustworthiness. However, in working with narratives, it is important to remember that
we do not seek to find “faithful representations of a reality independent of the knower”(Clandinin & Rosiek, 2007, p. 39). Instead, how learners choose to represent themselves isat the core of narratives and narrative inquiry. In utilising narratives, we aim to consider
the rich tapestry of what is told, how it is told, and how stories are co-constructed by,
and resonate with, the narrator, the audience, and existing social, political, and cultural
narratives. Exploring learner identity from a person-centred, narrative approach offers
researchers, educators, and the learners themselves an opportunity to look at the
tapestry of experience through an iterative lens; each time uncovering the different
representations that have been woven together. Each time gaining a different insight into
their experience as a whole.
Learners enrolled in formal SDLL modules like the one in this study are familiar withthe act of elicited storytelling through embedded reflective activities. Self-reflection occurs
internally. Meanwhile, the written and oral reflections in SDLL modules or with LAs aresocial activities. SDLL modules thus provide a supportive, dialogic space in which learners
can share stories about their perceptions of and responses to their far- and recent-pastlearning experiences in multimodal and collaborative ways. In terms of understanding
SDLL-related identity work, subjectivity or how individuals perceive an experience is afoundational concept. The emotional tones learners colour their stories of SDLL withcan provide an insight into how they are negotiating their experiences, their relationshipwith their emerging learner identity, and any obstacles they face in developing a more
self-directed identity. I explore this in more detail in the next section where I highlight theconnections between subjective experiences in SDLL, emotion, and identity work.

Emotions behind Who am I?

Emotions have traditionally been defined as purely cognitive phenomena (Barcelos, 2015;
Pavlenko, 2013). Such definitions disassociate emotions from their dynamic and situatednature and their relationship to power relations, ideologies and cultural norms (Pavlenko,
2013; Prior, 2019; Swain, 2013). Traditional definitions of emotions are also problematic
to our understanding of SDLL. To do justice to the complex relationship emotions havewith SDLL, holistic approaches that take into account the interplay of a broad range ofemotions, cognition and action (Imai, 2010), language use (Prior, 2019; Dewaele, 2021),
and beliefs and identities (Barcelos, 2015) are essential. One view of emotions that gives
salience to its cognitive and social dimensions comes from the psychologist Nico Frijda.
By characterising emotions as a motivation state which, “push the individual to change
his relationship with an object, a state of the world, or a state of self, or to maintainan existing relationship despite obstacles or interferences” (Frijda, 2008, p. 16), SDLL,
learner identity, and emotions should be explored holistically. In this view of emotions,the priority given to emotional concerns (e.g., the desire to succeed) is dependent on theindividual or culture, as well as any potential threats to a particular emotional concern.
As a result, there can be a range of potential meanings attached to each concern (Frijda,
1988; Mesquita & Frijda, 2011). To provide a concrete example, a learner who is ambitious
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may aspire to convey their familiarity with complex concepts during a conversation. For
the learner, maintaining their credibility as an ambitious, intelligent individual is theirfocal emotional concern. If the learner lacks the appropriate vocabulary to maintain their
credibility, then their identity as knowledgeable becomes threatened, generating fearor shame, which may result in avoidance behaviours such as ending the conversation.
Concurrently, ending the conversation may also undermine their credibility as ambitious
since they are unable to prove their ambition-related hard work. So, desire may winout over fear and shame and propel the learner to look up the necessary vocabulary inorder to fulfil their goal. Emotions are thus feelings that evoke reactions and have thepotential for action (MacIntyre & Gergerson, 2012). When engaging with SDLL knowledge
and abilities, emotions can be considered an “essential resource” (Yamashita, 2015, p. 79).
In other words, by identifying the emotions being experienced, the learner can develop
an awareness of what is happening to them, why it is happening, and its effect on theirperceptions, beliefs, and language learning behaviours. From there, the learner can thenmake an informed decision about their learning.

The Study

My aim was to take a closer look at the SDLL identity work undertaken by English language
learners by providing a case study of an undergraduate enrolled in a SDLL module at aforeign language university in Japan. To focus the study on the negotiation of a self-directed
learner identity vis-à-vis the learner’s subjective perception of their SDLL experience, I givepriority to the learner’s identity work and not the specific activities (for readers interested in
activity details, see Curry et al., 2017; Davies & Yarwood, 2023; Imamura & Wongsarnpigoon,
2023). To guide my analysis and interpretation, the following research questions were
explored:
1. What elicited narratives does a single Japanese undergraduate share of their English
learning experience during a semester-long SDLL module?
2. How do the emotional qualities in the learner’s elicited narratives function in
relation to their SDLL learner identity?

Methodology

Introducing Hiroto

Hiroto (pseudonym) was a first-year student enrolled in the International Communications
department. To obtain a longitudinal understanding of identity work during SDLL, I
contacted participants who had enrolled in both SDLL modules during the 2021-22
academic year. A total of six students were invited to participate in the study, but only
Hiroto expressed an interest in sharing his stories.
Despite joining his mother at a local English community centre to sing English songs
from a young age, Hiroto did not begin seriously learning English until the end of juniorhigh school when he found enjoyment in doing well on school-based English exams. His
decision to enrol at the university was based on his desire to “study English with English.”With an ambitious attitude, Hiroto initially enrolled in the SDLL module to “learn how to
study and so something new in university.” His motivation to take the second SDLL module
emerged from the realisation that his earlier study plans were “not realistic,” so he “made adecision to make a realistic plan.”

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Collecting and analysing stories

As a narrative researcher, I aim to move beyond a description of phenomena to focus
on understanding how lived experiences are co-created, understood, performed, andtransformed. Narrative inquiry, in contrast to other forms of research, accepts findings
in terms of authenticity, resonance, and/or trustworthiness (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000;
Denzin & Lincoln, 2005). To ensure that Hiroto’s voice was clearly represented in a waythat ensures authenticity and trustworthiness, I followed a rigorous process that included
reiterative readings, extensive note-taking, and active discussions of (re)interpretations.
These discussions took place with both a colleague familiar with emotions and learner
identity research, and Hiroto. To address the matter of resonance, which seeks to makesure findings are understandable, relatable, and worthwhile, I decided to present theanalysis of narratives alongside the interpretation. By demonstrating what different
elements in Hiroto’s narrative experience signify, the threads of Hiroto’s experience,emotions, and SDLL identity work become tightly woven to present a holistic image.

Summarising the procedures

The ethics, data collection, and analysis procedures I followed for this study took place
between February and March 2022 (see Figure 1).

Figure 1. Flow of Data Collection and Analysis Procedures
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The consent procedures for this project included approval from the university ethics
committee and providing Hiroto with both a bilingual, plain language statement andconsent form. After Hiroto consented, I emailed him with instructions on how to create
a visual language learning history (LLH) (Appendix A) and requested an online interview
to explore his LLH experiences in further detail. In the interview, Hiroto was keen to use
English and only used Japanese when he could not find the words to express himself
as desired. My own Japanese abilities facilitated an environment in which Hiroto could
express himself in both languages. The audio data was transcribed verbatim withJapanese utterances first translated by myself before being checked by a bilingualcolleague for accuracy. The data was then uploaded to an Excel spreadsheet and analysed
sentence by sentence. Three forms of analysis were conducted in iterative rounds toarrive at a comprehensive understanding of Hiroto’s experiences: a short story analysis(Barkhuizen, 2016a; 2016b), an analysis of the emotional qualities contained within the
narratives (Hiver et al., 2019; McAdams et al., 2004, 2006), and narrative writing foranalysis (Bakhuizen, 2014; Benson, 2013).

Short story analysis

When conducting the short story analysis, I examined the larger data set for smaller
extracts that took on the form of a fully contained story (Barkhuizen, 2016a; 2016b). These
typically included reflective elements (Labov, 1997) and narrated a past experience orimagined future. In doing so, detailed attention could be given to the content (i.e., who,
where, and when) and context (i.e., micro, meso, and macro scales of interaction) of thenarratives. To differentiate between the different scales of contexts, I defined micro as
interactions that took place within Hiroto. These include interactions between his personal
thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and the emotions he experienced. The meso level often occurs ininstitutional and social spaces. The conversations that take place in advising sessions areexamples of interactions at this level. Finally, macro refers to interactions representativeof the broader ideological, discursive, and cultural contexts in which Hiroto’s learning andidentity work take place. A relevant example would be the values and discourse attachedto standardised English proficiency examinations in Japan.

Analysis of Emotional Qualities

Once the interview data had been broken into short stories and analysed, the emotional
qualities of each narrative were thematically analysed using inductive and deductive
coding (Saldaña, 2015) (Appendix B). Inductive coding took place when interpreting theemotions experienced and their genesis, whereas the emotional tone and sequencing wascoded based on prior studies from psychology and language learning that dealt with theemotional qualities of narratives (Hiver et al., 2019; McAdams et al., 2004, 2006):
Emotional tone. Used to rate the overall positivity on a 5-point scale with a rating of 1 fora very unhappy story, very negative emotional tone to a rating of 5 for very happy story, very
positive emotional tone. These codes were used to understand the valency or strength ofthe emotions experienced in the narratives told.
Sequencing. Used to rate the emotional trajectory on a 4-point scale with a rating of 1
for No change, 2 for PosgNeg, 3 for PosgNeg and 4 for Constant state of flux. Emotionalchanges in Hiroto’s stories were explored using these codes.

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Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning Module

Narrative writing for analysis

The understandings and interpretations developed from the short story and emotional
qualities analysis were fundamental to my approach to narrative writing for analysis(Benson, 2013; Consoli, 2021). I used them to help generate a coherent story byreconfiguring the dynamic elements found in the narrative (Polkinghorne, 1995). The story
that resulted from this process focused on Hiroto’s emotions and how they interactedwith events to form distinct identities within the context of his SDLL experiences. A
total of two narratives (i.e., identity statements) were composed (Appendix C) by using
Hiroto’s own words and my interpretations. In line with the co-constructed, collaborative
nature of the study, Hiroto was invited to comment on these identity statements prior
to the member check interview. During this step in the procedure, Hiroto confirmed theauthenticity of the researcher’s interpretations, elaborated on his earlier stories, andrequested some modifications to the language used.

Hiroto’s Stories

In this section, I have chosen to present analysis procedures, my interpretations andconclusions together, with the aim of establishing resonance and trustworthiness. I will
focus mainly on presenting a detailed narrative of Hiroto’s subjective, lived experiences.
As the SDLL module content is secondary to Hiroto’s perspective of his learning situation,
it will not be explained unless necessary for making sense of his stories.

Investigating the stories shared

My intentions from the start of this study were to understand the elicited narratives
shared by Hiroto about his English learning experiences during the SDLL module and how
the emotional qualities in the stories shared interact with his SDLL identity. From the LLH
interview, 6 self-contained stories emerged. Identified with a number (e.g., S1 for Story 1)
and a representative title taken from Hiroto’s own words, I have summarised these stories
in Table 1 in relation to categories characterised by emotional qualities found in andacross Hiroto’s stories.
Table 1. Narratives Produced by Hiroto
Category
Motivation stories(characterised byexcitement)

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Short story title
S2. I was エネルギッシュ[energetic]

Summary
Proud of his idea to combine TOEIC study with acredit-bearing course, Hiroto started the modulein a state of excitement.
S5. Talking with English Unlike speaking with his classmates where hespeaker was so fun
felt judged, Hiroto gained a little confidence
when speaking to a fluent English speaker.

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Category
Short story title
Conflict stories
S1. I had to take ELM(characterised by a
mixture of positive
and negative
S3. Sorry, it tough so I
emotions)
will postpone it

S5. My feeling was solike complicatedSelf-awarenessstories(characterised by
pride, regret, andappreciation)

S6. ELM makes me
realise my weak point

Summary
After hearing the module was easier than regularclasses and needing to fulfill credit requirements,
Hiroto decided to enrol in the module.
Getting through assignments from regularclasses became a priority for Hiroto during
the first five weeks of university. He stopped
submitting the work without telling his advisor.
Despite feeling guilty and expecting the advisor
to be angry at him, he was relieved to receive an
empathetic response.
In the final week of semester, Hiroto was
exhausted. He didn’t want to complete themodule but after talking to his advisor, he wasable to clear his mind and move forward.
Hiroto realised through the module that he hadoverestimated his capabilities.

Motivation stories generally focused on Hiroto’s positive perception of his choices and thefun, motivating consequences that derived from his decisions. In both stories, undesirable
elements were implied but Hiroto’s decision to combine unpleasant, compulsory activities(i.e., TOEIC and classroom activities) with ones that were enjoyable (e.g., conversing withhighly proficient speakers), ultimately reduced the potential for intense negative emotions
to be experienced. The emotional tone and sequence of these stories were happy andpositive and followed a stable positive trajectory.
Conflict stories resulted from Hiroto’s duties as a university student and timemanagement factors. These stories fluctuated between positive and negative emotions,tone, and trajectories to underline the struggle Hiroto faced in trying to accomplish his
personal and academic goals, fulfill his responsibilities, and manage his time and energy.
Positive emotions such as appreciation and relief were found in Hiroto’s interactions
with his advisor. Meanwhile, the negative emotions highlighted the apprehension, guilt,
and exhaustion that came from trying hard to be a good student. The final category is
coincidentally also the final story Hiroto shared.
Reflective in nature, this self-awareness category exemplifies the ways in which
emotions are a resource for greater metacognitive awareness (Yamashita, 2015). Hiroto
experienced a constant flux of emotions throughout his SDLL journey but in narrating his
experiences to his advisor and then to me, he eventually came to evaluate the experiences
in a positive light. As Hiroto shared in S6 (ELM makes me realise my weak point):
Hiroto: “I’m a bad boy, but I realise my weak point. So I can use my experience for next
semester. I can know my capability.”
While Hiroto may regret not achieving his goals in the way he had intended at the startof the module, he demonstrated an appreciation of the module and conversations withhis advisor as opportunities to become aware of how he was feeling. From there he was
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able to use his emotions as indicators of his personal limits. When he had exhausted his
capacity for juggling different forms of study, the emotions seen in his conflict stories
arose. However, the value Hiroto places on overcoming hardship and gaining a newfoundunderstanding of himself is worthy of the pride he portrays.

Hiroto’s SDLL Identity

In this section, I aim to explore in greater detail, the role of emotions in the negotiationof a single SDLL identity using a short story approach. When asked how he felt about theidentity statements in the member check interview, Hiroto identified the following SDLL
identity statement as being accurate, albeit embarrassing to acknowledge:
SDLLI1. The Overestimator
I do my best to kill two birds with one stone whenever I can. I know I need to get therequired test scores and credits but my personal life is busy so I want to make myuniversity life easier. I chose my courses based on how easy I think they will be, or ifthey can be combined with other goals. Sometimes I overestimate my abilities anddo too much though. This makes me feel overwhelmed and stressed out. When thishappens, I want to run away from non-compulsory study.
My decision to focus on this identity statement is not to further embarrass Hiroto but
because this identity statement resulted from four short stories that were groundedin the Motivation and Conflict categories. Secondly, this identity appears significant toHiroto’s SDLL experience as a contributing factor in his growing self-awareness. Finally,
this identity and the stories incorporated within, have implications that are beneficial for
those involved in SDLL. For Hiroto, this identity was one he needed to experience in orderto grow and develop as a learner. For other language learners it can serve as a reminderthat difficulties are part of the journey and they do not need to reprimand themselves
as Hiroto did when he read this identity statement, asking, “What did you do?...Be careful!”
Instead, they can learn from the experience. Of the four short stories, only one from the
Motivation category (S2. I was エネルギッシュ) and Conflict category (S3. Sorry, it tough so I will
postpone it) will be introduced here.

Hiroto’s Short Stories: I was エネルギッシュ (energetic)

The title “I was エネルギッシュ (energetic)” came from Hiroto’s own use of the Japanese phrase(line 5 and line 7) to describe the vigour inherent in his identity at the time. The central
focus of this short story is Hiroto’s decision to combine the module with TOEIC preparation.
Hiroto’s desired identity appears to be that of an ambitious International Business andCommunication (IBC) student intent on making a good start on his university career.
Extract 1. I was エネルギッシュ (energetic)
Note: Hiroto (H); Amelia (A)Codes: Excitement (Exc.); Apprehension (Appre.); Determination (Det.); Emotional Tone (ET); Very
happy, very positive tone (PT5); Mixed tone (ET3); Emotional sequence (ES); No change - positive
tone (ES1(P))

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Emotion1

H Okay. Firstly, I will talk about red block.

2

So it was a like first... the beginning section.

3

Like, [Weeks] one, two, four or five.

4

Then I was, as I wrote, I was excited.

5

It was a beginning of university life.

6
7
8
9

ET

ES

ET 5

ES1 (P)

Exc.

So I was so エネルギッシュ [energetic], excited.

Then, ah, so I did, I took module each of week,
for my schedule, for my plan.

Then the first week, I was エネルギッシュ [energetic] I did.

10 A So everything went well in the first week?

11 H Yeah, then I study and I thought studying TOEIC,
12

ah no, studying TOEIC with using the module.

13

It’s a match.

14

It was a match because studying TOEIC then,15

studying TOEIC following ELM.

16

Then I thought I can get the credit also at the same time.

Pride

17 A So, TOEIC was your big goal.
18

Why did you decide to focus on TOEIC though?

19 H Because, like, I’m a student.
20
I am a IBC [International Business Communication] student
21

then requirement TOEIC score is 630.

22

Then I really focus on TOEIC score.

ET 3
Appre.
Det.

Following Barkhuizen’s (2017) process in short story analysis, I will begin by focusing
on the who to understand the characters of the story, what actions they take, and theirinteractions. The narrator, and main character of this story, is Hiroto (who, “I”, line 4). Ona micro time scale, Hiroto is at the “beginning” stage of his university career (when, line 5)
which fills him with excitement and energy (line 6). This excitement transforms into pride
when he finds a way to achieve his desired TOEIC score while simultaneously earning acredit (lines 14-16). The emotional tone in this section of Hiroto’s story is very happy andpositive (ET5) as suggested by the repeated use of “excited” and “エネルギッシュ [energetic]” inlines 4, 6, and 9. This highly positive tone (ET5) continues as Hiroto’s aims come to light when
he backtracks to clarify that his priority was not the module, but rather “studying TOEIC withusing the module” (line 12) in order to “get the credit also at the same time” (line 16) and at the
micro level we get the sense Hiroto was proud of this decision. Although an examination,“TOEIC” becomes a secondary character (who) at the meso level in Hiroto’s narrative since
he intermittently engages with TOEIC throughout the semester via his study materials
and SDLL goals. Hiroto’s main objective was to study TOEIC “using the module” (line 12);
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Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning Module

ultimately perceiving the module as a space to achieve his goals while gaining someconvenient credits “at the same time” (when, line 16). On a macro scale, TOEIC in Japanis a social and corporate monolith often performing the role of gatekeeper to manyeducational opportunities and careers. High TOEIC scores provide social capital and createa hard-working public image to those who can obtain them.
During the member check, Hiroto confirms the importance of cultivating his own hardworking public image by emphasising his desire to be seen by readers of this researchas someone who is “向上心 [ambitious]” and “always moving forward the future. He don’tstop, he don’t stay.” The influence of TOEIC pervades all three scales (micro, meso, macro)with institutional decision-makers whose policies and mandates (unidentified but stillpresent at the meso level) impose upon Hiroto a significant need to interact with thiscorporate entity. This interactional relationship with TOEIC is cemented through Hiroto’s
affiliation with his undergraduate department (where, “IBC,” line 20). On the meso scale,this affiliation carries with it specific graduation requirements (“requirement TOEIC score is630,” line 21). Although all students have four years in which to achieve the required TOEIC
score, fear of potential failure appears to instil within Hiroto a sense of apprehension
and determination. These emotions are indicated by both his decision to combine TOEIC
study with his module work, and his use of the adverb “really” (line 22) to portray thenecessity of fulfilling the graduation requirements. Regardless of the mixed tone (ET3,lines 19-22), the initial week of the SDLL module had a consistently positive trajectory (ES1(P)) characterised by enjoyment, pride and determination.

Hiroto’s Short Stories: Sorry, it tough so I will postpone it

The Overestimator facet of Hiroto’s identity was largely coloured by feelings ofapprehension, guilt, and exhaustion. On a positive note, although not visible in The
Overestimator identity statement, these negative feelings were transformed into relief
as a result of the advisor’s support. In this extract from the third short story “Sorry, it
tough so I will postpone it,” Hiroto relates an unanticipated outcome following his decision
to not complete his SDLL reflections each week. Although phrased as “postponing” (line9), there was no indication prior to this meeting that Hiroto was planning to catch up
on work missed. It was also the advisor, not Hiroto, who requested the meeting. Hiroto
sets the scene by detailing the reaction he anticipated a teacher (who, line 2) would havetowards a student opting out of course work. On a micro scale, it is in his own imagination(when, “if I talk,” line 2) that Hiroto feels apprehensive because he anticipates anger andto “be scold[ed]” (line 3) by the advisor (who, lines 2, 4, & 6). However, in reality, Hiroto
experiences relief when his advisor is empathetic (line 6) and accepts his choice (line 7).
Extract 2. Sorry, it tough so I will postpone it
Codes: Apprehension (Appre.); Exhaustion (Exhau.); Emotional Tone (ET); Happy, positive tone(ET4); Unhappy, negative tone (ET2); Emotional sequence (ES); Constant state of flux (ES4)22

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Amelia Yarwood

1 H my thought was when I...
2
if I talk to my teacher “Sorry, it is too tough for me” then3
my prediction[of the teacher’s answer] was “Why?!”4
And teacher became angry and I would be scold[ed]..
5
But it was not true.
6
My advisor sympathize with me.
7
She said, “maybe I also know your feeling”
8
because she was a student here before.
9“If you are postponing, I accept your decision.”
10
And like when I talk with her, I [was] impressed.
11
So this is my positive impression.
12
Negative impression was like “sorry, sorry advisor...”Yeah, it is also the amount of assignment makes me
13
14
decreasing my motivation.

EmotionET

ES

Appre.

ET 2

ES 4

Relief

ET 4

Guilt
Exhau.

ET 2

In this short story, the advisor plays an integral role in the maintenance or transformationof Hiroto’s Overestimator identity. At a meso scale, the advisor has the authority to not
only pass or fail students, but to negotiate alternative pathways towards the completion of
SDLL module tasks. Depending on the advisor’s educational philosophy, postponing tasks
may not have been permitted. Should this have happened, or the advisor scolded Hiroto
as he had anticipated, the unhappy and negative tone (ET2, lines 1-4) felt by Hiroto on the
micro scale is likely to have continued. It is possible that the overestimation of his abilities
could have resulted in not just temporarily running away from non-compulsory study but
in actual failure. The combination of who and when becomes significant in this short story
in terms of how emotion functions in the (re)construction of English identity. Without the
happy and positive experience (ET4, lines 5-11) that derived from the conversation with
an empathetic advisor (who, line 6) who had been through similar experiences to Hiroto
during her own undergraduate career (who and when, “she was a student here,” line 8),
Hiroto may have remained overwhelmed and failed to complete the module. However,with encouragement from his advisor, Hiroto did complete his work. Reflecting back on his
experience, he communicated that the satisfaction he felt at the end of the SDLL module
largely came from his development as a more self-aware individual capable of overcoming
his organisational weaknesses.

Discussion

The aim of this study was to understand the narratives constructed by Hiroto about his
SDLL experience and how the emotional qualities of those stories relate to his English L2
identity work. Even before he enrolled in the SDLL module, Hiroto had a desired identity.
Influenced by the macro level factors (TOEIC, duty of students) and micro level ambitions(to be perceived as ambitious), the emotions associated with Hiroto’s desired identity
acted as a motivation state (Frijda, 2008). Excitement and apprehension operating on
respective current and future timescales pushed Hiroto to act in order to maintain his
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Tracing Emotion in the (Re)Construction of an EFL Identity During a Self-Directed Learning Module

desired image. It was during this period that stories of motivation were found. However,
the act of maintaining this desired identity despite changes at the meso level (increased
workload) resulted in exhaustion and became a catalyst for Conflict stories to take place. As
suggested by Kato and Mynard (2016), learners function at different stages of autonomous
thinking and behaviour based on factors such as energy levels and prior knowledge. The
unfamiliarity of university life and SDLL approaches, exhaustion, and a desire to maintainhis desired self played a role in Hiroto’s uncertain approach to adapting his SDLL plans
to suit his present-time reality. In informal SDLL situations, structured support such asadvising services are rare. In Hiroto’s case, the SDLL approach he was undertaking wasformalised and included a dedicated advisor who was partially responsible for his growth.
At the meso/micro level, advising enhanced the SDLL experience (Victori, 2007; Victori &Lockhart, 1995) by giving Hiroto the opportunity to co-construct with the advisor a verbal
account of events, confront assumptions, identify his emotions, and understand what theymean for his past, present, and future self. The negative emotions shared during advising
functioned as a resource for Hiroto to realise he had overestimated his abilities and to act
in a manner that was congruent with his desired self; failing a course by running away fromthe work would have been incongruent with who Hiroto wanted to be, but working with theadvisor to develop a more appropriate plan allowed him to maintain his self-concept.
The mismatch between Hiroto’s desired identity and The Overestimator identity
constructed during the SDLL module could have culminated in the negative valuing of
the whole SDLL experience. However, coloured by his ambition, Hiroto understands his
relationship with the world at the micro level as one of trial and error. As such, it is in his
stories of self-awareness that he is able to tell (first to his advisor), retell (to me as theresearcher), and further assimilate these narratives of growth into his personal senseof self (Pasupathi et al., 2007). In this way, Hiroto was able to develop his desired selfconcept by generating positive emotions towards, and positively evaluating the hardshiphe endured. This interpretation adds support to the notion that negative stories give way
to positive tonality under the right conditions (Hiver et al., 2019; Pasupathi et al., 2007). In
Hiroto’s case, it was his micro level desired identity and meso level interactions with theadvisor which seemed to generate the conditions necessary for the positive re-evaluationof a negative experience.

Conclusion

In this paper I have used narratives as both process and product to understand Hiroto’s
SDLL identity and English learning experiences. I employed narrative writing for analysis
to weave a rich, multi-coloured tapestry to illustrate how emotions can act as motivation
states and a metacognitive resource when interacting with experience and aspects of alearner’s identity. Untangling, closely examining, and reweaving narratives was a messy
process. As I battled with presenting a coherent, cohesive narrative, I found that story
threads dealing with the who, what, and where were criss-crossed in complex patterns oflayers of Hiroto’s micro, meso, and macro worlds. Each thread that I followed was dyedwith the colours of Hiroto’s emotions; colours that changed in hue with each re-telling ofan experience and interpretation of past-felt emotions. Thus, questions of authenticity,resonance, and trustworthiness arose with each draft I wrote.
Ultimately, the unconventional decision to present my analysis and interpretation
side-by-side, was so that those interested in narratives, emotions, and identity, could be
inspired, as I was by Barkuizen’s own work with narratives.
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Amelia Yarwood

Working with Hiroto’s stories has added support to the possibility that SDLL can, for some,have less to do with language learning and more to do with understanding experience
in relation to the self. As an LA, this has significant implications for my practice. Namely,that stories should be embraced as a method of developing practical and reflective skills
within, and outside the context of SDLL modules. If we give our students the space tocollaboratively construct evolving stories of learning, then we are providing opportunities
to raise metacognitive awareness and support autonomy development. This is especiallytrue if we encourage our learners to place their identities as learners at the heart of thesestories. The narrative interpretation of Hiroto’s experience offers an example of how thisopportunity could be structured. More explicitly, learners could be invited to use the LLH
to identify highly emotional experiences. In conversation with the teacher, peers, or anadvisor, they could then begin to explore the content (who, where, and when) and levelsof context (micro, meso, and macro) in relation to the emotions they experience and whothey want to be or identify as at the time.

Review ProcessThis article was open peer-reviewed by Shu Hua Vivien Kao and Nathan Ducker of the Learner
Development Journal Review Network. (Contributors have the option of open or blind peer
review.)

Author Bio

Amelia Yarwood has been an educator and learning advisor in Japan and Australia forover 10 years. She is currently a Visiting Lecturer for the Research Institute for Learner
Autonomy Education (RILAE) where she mentors the next generation of Learning Advisors.
Her research interests include curriculum development, learner autonomy, emotions, andidentity through a narrative lens.

Amelia Yarwoodは10年以上日本とオーストラリアで教育者・ラーニングアドバイザーをしている。
現在はtheResearch Institute for Learner Autonomy Education (RILAE) の外部講師として、未来の学習アドバイザーを指導している。
研究分野はカリキュラムディベロップメント、学習者オートノミー、感情、
ナラティブのレンズを通したア
イデンティティである。

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Appendix A

Visual Learning History (Exemplar and Hiroto’s submission)

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Appendix B

Categories used when coding Hiroto’s interview data
Sub-categories
Emotional tone
1
2
3
4
5

Descriptors
Very unhappy story, very negative emotional tone
Unhappy, negative emotional tone
Mixed or neutral emotional tone
Happy, positive emotional tone
Very happy story, very positive emotional tone

Emotional Trajectory/Sequence1
No change in emotional tone
2
Positive to negative transition
3
Negative to positive transition
4
Constant state of flux
Positive Emotions
Pride
A heightened sense of satisfaction about one’s own actions/skills
Excitement
A heightened sense of joy and energy
Mixed Emotions
Determination
Desire to accomplish something (elements of pressure)
ReliefMoving from tension to a sense of peace
Negative Emotions
Apprehension
A sense of unease at an event that has not happened yet
Physical and mental tiredness resulting in an inability to focus or act
Exhaustion
as desired/usual
Guilt
Responding to an outcome with self-directed blame

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Appendix C

Hiroto’s self-directed language learning identity statements
SDLL Identity Statements
SDLLI1. The Overestimator
I do my best to kill two birds with one stone whenever I can. I know I need to get the required
credits to successfully graduate from university but my personal life is busy so I want to makemy university life easier. I chose my courses based on how easy I think they will be, or if they
can be combined with other goals. Sometimes I overestimate my abilities and do too muchthough. This makes me feel overwhelmed and stressed out. When this happens, I want to run
away from non-compulsory study.
SDLLI2. The Communicative Learner
Rather than studying by myself or completing worksheets, I prefer to learn about myself
through English conversations with fluent English speakers. By talking to others I can organise
my thoughts, and make realistic decisions about what I need to do to improve my English
abilities. It is through conversations with people I trust and respect that I can feel motivatedwhen I am a little or very stressed out.

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