NO ONE’S PERFECTPart Ⅳ

EnglishChineseNotes

4- A Whole New Journey
My Experience as a Young Adult(translated by John Brennan)
Confusion
The Next Step
Epilogue
Notes

A Whole New Journey
My Experience As a Young Adult
This chapter and Epilogue translated by John
BrennanConfusiona number of different words
meaning

Breaking My HeartIf you’re talking about yourself in Japanese, you haveboyish-sounding one

your choice of a number of different words meaning “I”
or “me” and boku is one of them—the mostboyish-sounding one.

Boku appeared everywhere in

the book I wrote: boku did this, boku did that, boku.

boku, boku. Me, me, me.
1

I was twenty-two years old.

My book, which, which practically was me,practically was me, had been read by a whole lot of
people and had even been translated into English

worse than anything I could

under the title No One’s Perfect—the book you’rereading now.
The

Hirotada

the way I did,

Ototakewho

appearedinpages—make that “Oto-kun”—was now famous.

its
This

was the start of a painful period for me, worse thantryingtoingratiate

myself withanything I could have imagined, but maybe that was
unavoidable. Writing the book the way I did, I supposemaking myself out to be

I was probably trying to ingratiate myself with people,
making myself out to be cute and boyish.

I mean, I

don‘t really talk that way. Boku? Please!
If I could do it all over again …

If I could do it all overagain …

Well, wishful

thinking seldom gets you anywhere, but if I somehow

Well,

got permission from heaven to take another shot at

seldom gets you anywhere,

wishfulthinking

life, I’d probably turn back the clock to the time before

No One’s Perfect was published. Looking back on thetake another shot at life

long, jam-packed two-and-a-half-year period since thebook came out—definitely not a period of happy

turn back the clock tomemories only—I’m not sure I’d want to walk that line
a second time.
“Hey, look! There’s the guy who wrote that book,walk that line a second
timewhat’s-his-name, Otoboke-san!”It was a pretty funny way to mangle my name and Iapretty funny

way to2laughed when I heard it, but the laughs were few andmangle my namefar between.

もしろい呼び間違え方

Mostly I heard the same comments over

and over.

かなり、
お

few and far between“I read your book.”

ごくわずかだった“It was so moving.”“Keep on fighting.”

It felt as though the same

It felt as though the same words were rubber-stamped
on every conversation.

Not only that, people wanted

to take pictures of me and get my photograph.
pictures?
star?

words were rubber-stamped

Get my photograph?

Take

Not only that,

What was I, a movie

Maybe not, but all of a sudden I was famous,

like one of those people on the other side of the TV

on the other side of the TV
screenscreen who sign photographs and get their pictures
taken.

get their pictures taken

I was used to my normal life as a college student,
and this sudden change threw me for a loop. Wherever
I went, people stared and whispered.

threw me for a loop

I wasbombarded with curiosity, well-meaning or otherwise.

I was bombarded withThink about it—imagine trying to deal with all thesepeople I didn’t know but who knew me.

People would

well-meaning or otherwise

wave. People would come up and start talking to me.
Riding around in my wheelchair, I was pretty easy to

all these people I didn’t

pick out; people would spot me from the other side ofknow but who knew me

the street and call out to me.

If it hadn’t been for thepeople around me who looked after me, all thisRiding around in

3

attention definitely would have driven me crazy.
Then again, it wasn’t only me who had to put up
with all this attention.

The people around me—myfrom the other side of thestreetfamily, friends, and girlfriend—fell victim to it as well,and that’s when I really got angry.
powerless to do anything about it.

Angry but

If it hadn’t been for

I had seen ads formagazines like Women’s Weekly, Herself, and FLASH

driven me crazyon trains and in the newspaper, but it had neveroccurred to me that one day those same magazines

fell victim to it

would make my life miserable.

Just a little longer, if I can just wait it out a little

on trainslonger, all this commotion will die down. That’s what
I kept telling myself, trying like crazy to keep fromt had never occurred to me

losing my patience, but this only encouraged certainthat

people to take advantage of me. This, in turn, led to asteadily escalating series of incidents, things thatjust wait it out

were way out of line. In the end, having hired a lawyer
to file a legal complaint, I had to suffer through six

I kept telling myself

months or so of the type of treatment usually reservedfor people accused of major crimes, watched over thethiswhole time by photographers from various magazines

certain people toonlyencouraged

who camped out in front of my house.
My girlfriend and I had been meeting more or lesssecretly, but for some reason it kept getting harderasteadilyescalating

series ofand harder for us to get together. To put it more4

accurately, certain people made it harder for us to get

way out of line

together.
“It would be nice if we could meet without having toto file a legal complaint

sneak around.”Hearing those words and knowing that even then,somebody out there might be taking your picture,suffer through six months
or so

there’s just no way you can really enjoy a night out.
“At the moment, I don’t have a girlfriend. The girl I
was going out with? We broke up.”eserved for people accusedof major crimes

This was an empty lie, an excuse I made up to tell
the press.

Meanwhile, my heart was breaking. Doubt

who camped out in front ofand confusion had me surrounded, and I wondered if I
was always going to have to go it alone.

it kept getting harder andharder for us to

Oto-kun’s Troubles
Fifteen years or so before all this happened, back in

To put it more accurately,elementary school, I had once been singled out by amother who was struggling with her screeching son.

made it harder for us to“Look,” she told him, pointing at me, “if you don’t startminding your mother you’re going to turn out just likemeet without

he did.”sneak aroundhaving to

After my book came out, I received a letter that
included the following lines: “We have a three-year-old

and knowing that even then,son. Our fondest hope is that he turns out to besomeone like you.” Someone like me—what kind of

no way you can5guy do they think that is, anyway? The selfish guy
who thinks only of himself? The young lecher gawking

an excuse I made up toat every good-looking woman in sight, even when he’sout on a date? No, they don’t know that guy.
Pure,honest,handsome.

Cheerful,

had me surrounded

fun-loving,energetic.

wondered if I was

It may sound one of those motivational slogans someschools adopt to inspire their students, but that’s theturn out just like he did

image people seemed to have of me. Of course, there
were a lot of people who saw right through the image

what kind of guy do theyand recognized the real me, but those were mostly

think that is,younger people. To people a couple of generations
older, I could do no wrong. I could see it in their faces

The young lecher gawking at

when they waved at me on the street—the faces ofpeople watching a toddler frolic on the stage. Not at all

those motivational slogans

the sort of look a grown man would get.
This was only natural, because the person they werelooking at wasn’t me, the Hirotada Ototake who

the image people seemed tohave ofactually exists, but Oto-kun, the high-spirited boy who
ran around the school playground. These truly were

saw right through thethe faces of people watching a child frolic on stage,
performing in a show called No One’s Perfect.
But I do exist. Not as a cartoon super hero, not as aliving teddy bear, but as a human being.

To people

a couple ofgenerations older,

Here I was,a grown man about to graduate from college, and I

watching a toddler frolic6was living my life tethered to the ghost of aon the stage

ten-year-old kid. You might say I was just feeling theweight of all that love coming my way, but thatwouldn’t be quite right.

Not at all the sort of look

It was Oto-kun they loved.

It wasn’t me being deluged with requests for speaking

Not as aengagements, it was him.
After my book came out, it got to the point where I

my life tethered to thewas receiving over three hundred of these requests perday, usually by phone or fax. I didn’t accept a single

just feeling the weight ofone. No matter how persistent they were, no matter
how well I knew the person who was asking, I

but that wouldn’t bewouldn’t give in. The gap was too wide.
The flesh-and-blood version of Hirotada Ototake,the image of the person who actually existed, justwasn’t me being deluged
withdidn’t jibe with the image that existed in the minds ofthe people who read my book: Oto-kun the innocent,

got to the point where I was

Oto-kun the little angel. I was somehow aware of
disparity between my two images and so I kept on

Therefusing these requests. If I accepted I’d be trying toversion offlesh-and-blood

do what couldn’t be done—I’d have to try toimpersonate the Oto-kun that everyone was hoping todidn’t jibe with the image

see. Knowing that I’d be surrendering my identity if I
went down that road, that I could no longer be who I

was somehow aware ofam, I just made up my mind not to do speaking
engagements.

kept on refusing

7

So here’s just twenty-year-old guy, just some college
student, turning down invitations left and right. You’d

Knowing

think people wouldn’t put up with such a bad attitude

surrendering my identity

from someone like that, but actually, when I explained, that I

that

I’d

be

my situation honestly, almost everyone understood
how I felt. Once in a while, though, somebody’s

made up my mind not to do

patience would snap and I’d get an earful.
Angry voice on the telephone: “We’re not a for-profit
organization, we’re volunteer group acting out of sheer, turning down invitations
left and right

goodwill. So why won’t you cooperate with us?”This from a “goodwill” organization so intent on

Once in a while, though,proclaiming its own goodness that my own wishes
never even entered the picture.
If it had been a job, a matter of duty, I probably

snap

and

I’d

get

an

earful.

would have done it, but I was still a college student at
the time and there were a whole lot of other things I

actingwanted to do instead.

goodwill

When I had accepted

out

of

sheer

invitations to speak in the past it was only because I
felt like doing it. Now I didn’t feel like doing it

so intent on proclaiming

anymore, so why do it?

its own goodness thatAs I listened to the exasperated voice on the otherend of the line, my thoughts drifted: “Well, Oto-kun’sother things I wanted to do

in demand anyway. What about me, though? I wonder

insteadwhere Hirotada Ototake’s needed?”Representing Nobody But Me

my thoughts drifted8At the same time I was receiving requests to do
speaking engagements, I also had quite a few more

media

opportunities for media exposure. At first I tookaround making sure theypeoplehustling

advantage of some of these opportunities, thinking it
would be fun, and it was. Crowds of adults coming tomadly taking down every

Waseda just to hear me speak, media people hustlingword

around making sure they got this hotshot kid on tape,journalists madly taking down every word. Whatappeared on *****’swouldn’t be fun about that? I even appeared on

TV show

Tetsuko Kuroyanagi’s TV show, which sent my friends
and relatives into a frenzy.

into a frenzy

Over time, though, I grew tired of that whole scene.
People kept asking me the same questions, over andOver time, though,over.
“How did you come to have such a cheerfulmanaged to get this far

personality?”—Because I’ve managed to get this far just fooling

all in therearound with my friends.
“You mentioned the wonderful way your parents

What hardships

raised you. What did you mean by that?”—Why don’t you read the book? It’s all in there.
“Where did you find the inner strength to overcome
so many hardships?”—Hardships?

What hardships?

9

Of course, Ototake, being a good boy, couldn’t really

be so flippant

be so flippant. I had to chime in with the same polite
answers every time, and I got tired of it.

chime in with

In no time at all, what was tiresome became painful
and what was painful became worrisome. What really

what was tiresome became

worried me were some of my own comments, recorded

painfulin articles printed after the interviews were over.

painful became worrisome

and

what

was

“People with disabilities lead happy, enjoyable
lives.” “Conditions aren’t as bad as people thinking.”
I was speaking for myself, stating my own opinions,recordedinarticlesprinted after

but if you read one of these articles you’d think I was
speaking for everybody. I worried that people might

stating my own opinions,jump to the wrong conclusion: “Oh, so this is whatbeing disabled is all about.”

After all, this was

Hirotada Ototake speaking, one lone individual, nottheappointed

representativeofpeople

jump

to

the

wrong

conclusion

withdisabilities, not a spokesman to the rest of the world.

is all about

Nothing I had to say was anything more than one
guy’s version of the story—“Here’s the way it is forthis was Hirotada Ototakeme”—but even so, my comments were interpreted as if

speaking,

they somehow defined “disabled people.” This was nogood at all.
Why did I write No One’s Perfect in the first place?

theappointed

representative of

To shatter the stereotyped image of people withdisabilities. I wanted people to know that not all of us

Nothing I had to say was10are quiet, serious, and hard-working—there are
fun-loving,

scatterbrained,lackadaisicaldisabled

the way it is for me

people too. Since a lot of people read the book, I guess
you could say I achieved this goal to some extent. But

were interpreted as if

the fact that the book sold so well, much better than
expected, created a whole new problem: people who

To shatter the stereotyped

read it started seeing Oto-kun as a stand-in forimage of people“disabled people,” leading them to assume that all
disabled people were cheerful and fun-loving.
That’s not quite right. Sure, I myself have plenty offun, but I don’t know about anybody else. Maybe thescatterbrained,lackadaisicaldisabled

peoplenext guy is discriminated against and suffers serious
hardships, or maybe he’s free to live his life the way he

the fact thatwants to, like I do. How would I know? That’s why I
decided to stop talking about it. I don’t know enough to

as a stand-in forsay anything useful about someone else’s situation or
about disabled people in general.

is discriminated against

And yet, whenever I’d see an interview with me in a
magazine, there I’d be, talking about “disabled
people.”the way he wants to

Certain expressions I had used such as “inmy case …” or “I don’t know about anybody else, but

I don’t know enough to say…” were edited out, leaving the impression of someanything useful about

puffed-up, book-smart college boy grandly presenting
his personal theory on “the disabled.”

And yet, whenever I’d see

Barrier-Free Leaderan11Around this time, I took a job working on “News noMori,” an evening television news show broadcast on

Certain expressions I had

Japan’s TBS network. I was what they called aused such as“sub-caster,” a kind of auxiliary newscaster, whichmeant I had to go to various places and talk to various

were edited out

people. I was still a college student at the time andeach new day was a stimulating experience.

Those

days, spent in the company of enthusiastic andleaving the impression ofsomeattractive colleagues, were precious to me. And yet I
eventually decided I had to leave that behind, too.
I remember it was getting cold out—I had justgrandlypresenting

hispersonal theory on

started wearing a coat—when I started having doubts
about the job. Was this what I really should be doing?

took a job working on

It was fun, and this kind of life was definitely a goodone. Working with people who had so much talent andeach new day was

experience would teach me a lot. I wanted to keep on
doing this if I could. On the other hand …

startedWhen I thought about what I should do after

havingdoubtsabout the job

graduating, I kept going back and forth. Needless tosay, I didn’t want to give up this enjoyable and highly

keep on doing thisfulfilling life, but I was tormented by the thought that
I might have to. I was troubled by the same kind of
doubtsI

hadexperienced

after

the

I kept going back and forthmagazineinterviews—the sense that my real identity would bethis enjoyable and highly

transformed into that of a spokesman for the disabled.

fulfilling life12

Having struggled to get my own message out in thebook I wrote, I was now starting to learn through myby the thought that I might“News no Mori” job how interesting it was to be ahave tomedium for others who were trying to get their own
message out. But on the most important point—what

troubled by the same kindmessage to convey—I was still plagued with doubts

of doubts I had experienced

that I couldn’t seem to get past.”“Barrier-free transportation facilities.”

would be transformed into

“Barrier-free shrines and temples.”that“Barrier-free schools.”
I appeared on the news show once or twice a month,
with

most

of

my

assignments

developed

get my own message out

to“barrier-free”-related topics like these. At first I was

was now starting to learn

too preoccupied with the importance of getting out themessage to have time to even think about anything

how interesting it was toelse, but gradually I began to wonder. Was this reallybe aa good thing, doing nothing but this “barrier-free”
stuff?

still plagued with doubts

Not that there was anything else I could do, ofcourse.

Politics,

economics,

crime,

that

newsworthy

accidents and mishaps—I’d never get anywhere trying

with most of my assignments

to report on things like that. But I didn’t think, fordevelopedthat reason alone, that it was necessarily best to go on
just handling “barrier-free” stories. It was all too likely

too preoccupied with theto simply reinforce the image of Ototake-kun, theimportance13

representative of “”the disabled” who reports on“barrier-free” topics.

doing nothing but thisWhat did I know about all that, anyway? All I know
about is my own experience.

I never intended tomake “disability,” “social welfare,” and “barrier-free”

I’d never get anywhere
trying to report on

the bywords of a movement led by myself. I wasn’t
ready for anything like that. Still, based on the way I

for that reason alone,

was handled by the media and on my work for “Newsno Mori,” that’s probably what people expected of me.

all too likely to simply

It seemed as though maybe the public wanted me toreinforceplay the role of an opinion leader for disabled people.
When I realized that this was the case, I made up
my mind to quit my job with “News no Mori.” If I kept

What did I know about all
that, anyway?

on doing it just because it was fun, I’d inevitably be
confining myself to one narrow role in the future. I

the bywords of a movement

had my regrets, but when I took a long, calm look at
the situation I was in, it was readily apparent thatbased on the way

this was the right thing to do.
I still had a life to live, though, and after I graduatedIt seemed as though maybe

I’d have to start making a living as an adult. What to
do? I decided to start over with a blank slate and takemade up my mind to

my time thinking things through.
inevitably

be confining

myself to14

had my regrets,

it was readily apparent
that

start over with a blank
slate

take

my

time

thinking

things through.

The Next Step

about the new millennium

Got it!

had embarked on the search

A new year. People were all excited about the newmillennium, which was a word I’d hardly ever heard

a full year behind

before. I started looking for a job. My friends had
embarked on the search for post-college employment

conveyingexactly one year before, so I was a full year behind

effectively.

amessageeveryone else.
For me the key was still conveying a message. My
year on the job with “News no Mori” had taught me
the value of conveying a message effectively. I wanted
to convey some kind of message to people and I wanted

That complicating factor

to find a job that would enable me to do that. That15

complicating factor would be the “barrier-free” thing,athe drum I had beaten so loudly in my book.

connection between

virtually

unbreakable

Since that was why the world had noticed me in thefirst place, there would be a virtually unbreakable

had lost all interest

connection between Hirotada Ototake and the subjectof the barrier-free movement. It’s not that I had lost
all interest in the movement, of course, but working in

Immersing myself in thethat area was another matter.

world ofI had received letters and other communications

and calling out at

from a lot of people telling me I was the leader of amovement to achieve social welfare for people withwould be one way to do

disabilities,

things

and

this

made

me

uncomfortable.

Immersing myself in the world of social welfare andcalling out at the top of my lungs for a barrier-free

kept wondering if there

society would be one way to do things, but I kept

might not be

wondering if there might not be a different approach. I
thought there might be a more effective way of

As time went on,

appealing to people. As time went on, my thoughts
were increasingly drawn in that direction.

over the past few years

The attention I’d received in the media over the past
few years had made me pretty well known. I suppose I
might have become the most famous disabled person
in Japan. But working in the social welfare field

follow a preordained pathwouldn’t be the right thing to do.
“Sure enough, Ototake-kun is going into social

be traced to this kind of16

welfare, just as you’d expect.”stereotype.

It was the “just you’d expect” part that was the
problem—the idea that a person with disabilities

amounted to placing limits

would inevitably follow a preordained path and pursue

ona career in social welfare. Comments like “just as
you’d expect” could be traced to this kind of stereotype.

that’s what it would take

It amounted to placing limits on people’s abilities, andI’m against that. Disabled people being active in fields

bringthat have nothing to do with social welfare—that’s

that’saboutasocietywhat it would take to bring about a society that’s truly
barrier-free.

set aside the notion ofOnce I had set aside the notion of a career concernedwith disabilities and the barrier-free movement, theIf I set myself apart fromquestion was, What’s left? Answer: nothing. I had been

all that,useful to the media, but that was because I was
disabled, a guy in a wheelchair. If I set myself apartright around this time thatfrom all that, I was just another happy-go-luckycollege boy. What’s left? Nothing.
It was right around this time that I received a

I got excited just thinking
about

request to write something for the Asahi Shimbun, adaily newspaper. The opening of the baseball season in

sit up and take noticeJapan was just around the corner and they wanted me
to write a guest column about that. I’d been a big

had always belonged to thesports fan ever since I was a kid, and I quickly agreed

category of

to do it. I got excited just thinking about what to write,
17

and that made me sit up and take notice: hey, look how

Just thinking

fired up I am!

column made me

about myI’d never been good at writing. I’d always vastly
preferred talking to people. Shutting myself up in afrom way down inside me

room and sitting alone in front of a computer had

that

always belonged to the category of painful experiences
to be avoided if possible.

This was different, though.

Just thinking about my column made me feel good,

Whereverpublishedmaterial is soldlighthearted. I felt a kind of glow rising up from way
down inside me that I’d never felt before. So that’s it, I

rows of people standing

thought. I finally got it. Sports!

Looking For a Job

aWherever published material is sold in Japan,

called ****

time-honored practiceespecially bookstores and convenience stores, you’relikely to see rows of people standing in front of theracks poring over the latest magazines. They’re taking
part in a time-honored practice called tachi-yomi(literally, “standing-reading”).
For those of us who go around in wheelchairs,tachi-yomi is a bit of a challenge. It’s almost
impossible to squeeze into a spot near the rack among
the people who are already there, and even then myarms are too short to reach the magazines. There was
one magazine I always went for anyway, though—a
sports magazine called Number.

Number, which is published18

Number, which is published by Bungei Shunju, isbytouted as a “sports graphic” magazine, so it had
beautiful photographs. These weren’t posed shots or

is touted as aportraits—turn the page and you’d see players inaction, radiating power and energy. This was a

posed shots or portraits

magazine that fully revealed the beauty of sports. If I
could get an article printed in here, I thought …

Ajolt of excitement ran through me, and I actually

get an article printed inhere

shivered.
When I think about it now, what I did next seems

ran through me

pretty crazy. I asked an acquaintance who was an
editor to contact the people at Number and tell them I

an eternity of waiting

wanted to work for them. Somehow he got through tothe editor-in-chief, and then came an eternity of
waiting.

to get my hopes up

I waited and waited but heard nothing. After acouple of weeks passed, I decided it had beenchucking the whole idea

unrealistic to get my hopes up. However I looked at it,it just didn’t seem possible for a guy with noexperience to start writing for Number. I was on theverge of giving up and chucking the whole idea when I
got a call from my friend.
“Good news: the head guy himself will see you next
week.”The interview was held in a tearoom at a hotel. The
19

editor-in-chief was accompanied by a young member ofthe editorial staff. I was uncharacteristically nervous.
“So, Ototake-san, what kind of things are you
interested in writing? Were you thinking of reportingon games, for instance, or …?”

is interviews

I could just see me reporting on games: “Today atwith theathletes

Whatchamacallit Stadium, I watched a game between
This team and That Team. That team won by a scoreof something to something. My favorite player,
what’s-his-name, had a great day. Hip-hip, hooray!”No, that wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted to write.
“Well, I’m interested in that kind of thing too, butwhat I’d really like to do is interviews with theathletes.”

waiting to break out of it“Hmm. You mean you’d, um, cover thehuman angle. That might work. Say there’s a guy who
was injured, he’s been in a slump ever since. Now he’s

haven’t made their markwaiting to break out of it and you capture the drama of

yetthat. Yeah, that might work.”“Well, that’s not quite what I had in mind.

I wasat the point where

thinking more about the younger players who haven’t
made their mark yet.”a certain amount of“Younger players. And why is that?”“Well, in my case, I’m at the point where I’m about
to graduate from college and go out into the world, andI’ve got a certain amount of self-confidence, but I’m
20also a little scared. I figure it’s probably about theit’s probably about thesame for these athletes. They’re supposed to havesame forcomplete confidence in themselves and believe they
have what it takes, but actually they’re not quite surethey have what it takes

they’ll be able to make the grade. How do they deal
with

those

playing?

contradictory

feelings

whenthey’reI mean, I guess I feel we’ve got a few things

actually

they’renotquite surein common, and I thought I might write stories that
focus on those things.”

deal“I see.”

with

those

contradictory feelings

There was just one problem—my name. For ageneral-interest magazine, the well-known name ofa few things in common

Hirotada Ototake, author of No One’s Perfect, might
have been an asset in terms of attracting publicity.

stories that focus on

That wouldn’t matter to Number readers, however.
They were interested in good sports writing, notForfamous names. True fans of Number would probably

magazine,ageneral-interest

find it a little weird to see Hirotada Ototake’s byline in
the magazine: in some ways it might even be seen as
loweringthemagazine’s

high

in terms ofstandards.

Unfortunately, Hirotada Ototake is who I am.
All right, then, it suddenly occurred to me, I’ll stop

interested in good sports
writing

being Hirotada Ototake. I’ll change my name andwrite under a pen name, like Taro Yamada or Ichiro

Hirotada Ototake’s byline

Tanaka. That way I’d be able to head off a lot of21

aggravation.

as

Of course, I wasn’t entirely sold on the idea.

loweringthemagazine’s high standards

Changing my name would mean writing off everything
I had accomplished so far. Still, I’d do it if it meant

I’d be able to head offthat I’d really be able to go to work for Number. Afterall, I was starting over from zero anyway, so thisI wasn’t entirely sold on

might be the perfect opportunity.
After I told the people at Number about my feelings

writing off everything

on the matter, it felt as though a weight had been
lifted from my shoulders. I’d done everything I could.

starting over from zeroIf it didn’t work now, fair enough.
Another month went by before they officiallyit felt as though adecided to hire me.

The Best Possible Writing

As it turned out,

As it turned out, I didn’t have to write under a pen
name. Hirotada Ototake was treated just like anyon these generous terms

other writer, though—no photo next to the name.
Basically, I was free to interview any athlete I chose. It
was on these generous terms that I began the series

up-and-coming athletes

called “Field Interviews,” which appeared in eachissue. My first piece was an interview with a soccer
player named Jun’ichi Inamoto, who played for
Gamba Osaka, and my second was an interview with abaseballplayer,

Ryota

Igarashiofthecome into their own

YakultSwallows. Both were up-and-coming athletes who

although it’s often said

22

were expected to come into their own in the new
century. I’d been told that I’d be able to interview

the athletes I wanted toanyone I chose, and although it’s often said the editors

talk toactually call all the shots, I found that I really was free
to choose the athletes I wanted to talk to. That’s the

all I could possibly wantkind of environment it was, and it was all I could
possibly want.

more of my interviews

As more of my interviews were printed, I began tohear some comments on the series.

Generally

the consensus seemed to be

speaking, the consensus seemed to be that it was wellthat

done, quite interesting and accurate, but that it was

but that

the sort of work that could have been written byanyone. After all, this was written by Hirotada

what I had set out to do

Ototake—why didn’t he inject a little more of himself
into his writing?

an appealing and highly

In a sense, I was doing what I had set out to do:
producing work that would be considered acceptable

original

style

and

perspective.

even if I weren’t the guy in the wheelchair who wrote

No One’s Perfect. That’s how I wanted people to readmy writing. At first I had simply wanted to be a writer,
but now if I wanted to become a really good writer I

if I did it that way

had a problem. I’d have to have an appealing andhighlyoriginal

style

and

perspective.

said good-bye toOriginality—that was the wall I ran into.
Being a disabled person and being famous offeredI

couldn’t

see myself

23

me all kinds of possibilities in terms of original

reopening thatperspective, but if I did it that way it would mean athing. When I left “News no Mori” and plunged into

to earn a little short-term

the world of sports writing, I said good-bye to dealing

praisewith“disability”

and

the

whole

“barrier-free”

campaign. I couldn’t see myself reopening that whole

a good reason for sticking

chapter just to earn a little short-term praise.

to writing

There was another thing. I had a good reason for
sticking to writing that was “the sort of work that
could have been written by anyone.”had been freaked out by

I myself had

been freaked out by the menacing aspects of the masstake something they

media. People in the media take something they
consider to be news-worthy and blow it out of all

and blow it out of

proportion, and when they lose interest they turntheir backs on it in the blink of an eye. A college kid

they turn their backs on it

who has written a best-seller is easy prey, so I was
afraid. If you set out to make your living by drawing

to make your living byattention to yourself, sooner or later you’re going to
get burned. I could go around saying, “Hey, it’s me,

the day would come when

Ototake, the No One’s Perfect guy,” but the day would
come when nobody cared anymore. I had to be readyby being ready to be nobody

when that day arrived and I could only do that by

specialbeing ready to be nobody special. Even if I lost mypresent job and everything that went with it, I had toacquire the skills necessary to make a living as a24

sports writer. For that reason, regardless of whether it

regardless of whether it

was intended as a criticism or not, I felt a sense of

was intended as a criticism

relief when I heard that my work was “the sort of workor not,that could have been written by anyone.”The GhostconveyI really enjoyed what I did. I went to sports fields andpositive qualities totheathlete’s

stadiums, talked to athletes I was interested in, andtried to convey the athlete’s positive qualities to myreaders. It was the job I had longed for, and every day
I felt a sense of great fulfillment and good fortune.

wasThis went on for several months, until one particularteam’s progress

there

covering the

day …
It was at the Sydney Olympics, where Hidetoshi
Nakata, Shunsuke Nakamura, Jun’ich Inamoto, andnor was it

the other players from Japan’s “golden generation”
were expected to win a medal in the men’s soccer
competition. I was there covering the team’s progress

watching the team practicefor television. There was no match that day, nor was it
a travel day. We were in Canberra, where theJapanese delegation had borrowed a field for a lightworkout. I was watching the team practice from thesidelines.
“You …”
A Japanese man, somewhat older than me, hadcome up to me.
25

He’s another sportswriter, I thought. Gotta be polite,

making a good impression on

get on his good side. Being a newcomer, I was overly
concerned about making a good impression on theother writers and the rest of the press corps.
“What in the world are you doing here?”a big smirk on his face

“What am I doing? I’m covering this.”“You’re covering this?”
He was pointing at the soccer field, a big smirk on
his face.

a series for“You’re an amateur, kid. What do you know aboutsoccer?”This made me angry.

doesn’t“For one thing, I’m doing a series for Number that’s

difference

make

any

been running since July.”“What, that? A few months doesn’t make any

just using you to try todifference. What the hell do you know about soccer?
They’re just using you to try to drive up their ratings.

Japan’s most defenselessYou can call yourself a journalist or a writer if you

man into a tailspin.

want, but you’re really just another TV celebrity.”
Oh boy. This was more than enough to send Japan’s, replaying that scene overmost defenseless man into a tailspin. I didn’t evenand over again in my mind

have the heart to talk to the rest of the staff. I shuttrying with all my might tomyself up in my room, replaying that scene over andover again in my mind and trying with all my might toIt’s not as if

come up with some kind of self-justifying excuse.
26

Everybody has to go through a rookie season, I told
myself. It’s not as if I’ve been exploiting the fact that, compared to the othersportswriters

I’m famous. And I’ve worked so hard at it …
But it was just as he said. I probably had been hired

didn’t only apply to thefor this assignment just because I was the guy who
wrote No One’s Perfect. As he said, compared to thejust some kid right out ofother sportswriters I didn’t know a thing about soccer.

college

And this didn’t only apply to the TV assignment; thesame was probably true of my job with Number. If I’d

how about letting me write

been just some kid right out of college and I’d said,“Hey, how about letting me write a series for yourThe only reason they evenmagazine?” they would have slapped me silly. The only

considered it

reason they even considered it was because I had
written the book.

put the genie back in

It was no good. I had hoped to put the genie back inthe bottle, leaving behind the fact that I was the, leaving behind the fact

famous Hirotada Ototake in order to enter the world

thatof sports journalism, but I couldn’t escape. I felt likegiving up.

lost all motivation to do

Haunted by a ghost called No One’s Perfect, I lost all
motivation to do anything.

back in JapanStyle
The next day I got a call from my editor at Number
back in Japan.
“Oto-kun? You know the interview you did with27

Kinjo of the Yokohama BayStars? They loved it. They

the interview you did

say they want to run it not as part of the series but asa special article. What do you think?”
I jumped for joy—no kidding, I actually did, I was so

I was so happy I wanted tocryhappy I wanted to cry. I had found my calling after all.
I don’t think the guy who said those nasty things tome in Canberra held any particular grudge against
me. They wouldn’t say it to my face, but there areit’s only natural thatprobably other sportswriters who feel the same way.
For all I know, maybe most of them do, but there’s
nothing I can do about that. I got my start in ajust have to come throughdifferent way than they did and I’ve been very busy, so
I guess it’s only natural that I’d stir up someresentment.

I’ll hear a whole chorus

Now I just have to come through. With the luckyof jeers and catcalls

breaks I’ve had, if I strike out now I’m sure I’ll hear awhole chorus of jeers and catcalls. If I put in a solid

All I can do is wait for

performance, though, sooner or later they’ll accept me.
All I can do is wait for that day to come—or rather, allall

I can do is do everything in my power to make that day

everything in my power

I

can

do

is

do

come soon.
From the day of the phone call on I felt the glow
come back. I had set a new goal for myself and I was

From the day of the phone
call onnow firing on all cylinders. I had so much energy toburn I even surprised myself. I was determined to do a

now firing on all cylinders

28

good job, to turn out really good stories. I had a new
outlook now: I wasn’t going to be just another writer

so much energy to burnproducing “the sort of work that could have been
written by anyone.” I was going to be a terrific writer.

was determined toThat would mean breaking through the wall that I
had come up against when I started writing forbreaking through the wall

Number—the quest for an original voice. Not thethatoriginality of being in a wheelchair, not the originalityof being a famous guy, but the original voice of

looked back on my past

Hirotada Ototake, the writer. Now if I only knew
where in the world to find that voice.

I couldn’t claim to

When I looked back on my past, I realized why I had
wanted to focus on interviews in my work. As mymuchdisgruntled senior colleague had pointed out inexperience withknowledgeoforCanberra, I couldn’t claim to have much knowledge ofor experience with baseball or soccer or sports as such.

had better eyes for that

If you wanted to know what a certain team would

kind ofaccomplish by using this or that strategy, or how someother team turned the game around and won at theshow what the athletes are

end by putting in a certain player in the second half,

likewell, there were a lot of writers who had better eyes
for that kind of thing than I did.

I had arrived atWhat I want to do is show what the athletes are likeon the inside; that’s the conclusion I had arrived at.
What was this guy feeling at that crucial moment?
29

What makes him compete?

What’s he thinking about

now? That’s the kind of thing I wanted to convey, and I

seetruly believed I could. This is why I wanted to do

firsthand

them

in

actioninterviews. Naturally, I also have to go to the stadiums
and ballparks where these guys work to see them in

how much I can draw out ofaction firsthand, but for me victory and defeat are
determined not by what happened on the field but by

about things that are hard

what happens in the interview. For me, victory

to talk about

depends on how much I can draw out of the guy I’minterviewing—that’s the kind of writer I want to be. I
know where I’m headed now.
People will tell an interview a lot when they feelbe pumped for informationand put on the spot

they can trust him. Because they’ll open their hearts
to someone like that, they’re willing to tell the truth,

make contact witheven about things that are hard to talk about. This
isn’t just something I dreamed up—I swear it’s true. I
know it’s true because it’s happened to me, because

make the unique voice ofI’ve been interviewed so many times.
And that’s the point. I’m the writer who knows
better than the others how it feels to be pumped for
information and put on the spot. If I can hold on tothat feeling and make contact with the athletes, I’ll
definitely be a writer they can trust. By faithfully

From out of all thisprinting words that are spoken honestly, I can makethe unique voice of Hirotada Ototake heard.

assert itself in30

From out of all this came a change that began toassert itself in my writing. As my articles graduallya wait-and-see approach

have begun to win more widespread approval, otherpublishing firms that were taking a wait-and-see

contact me withapproach have begun to contact me with possible
assignments. Of course I’m not ready for that yet. I

it’s just a matter of

can’t claim to be able to write something that satisfies
my own standards every time. I still have so much toputting in a lot of effort

learn. But the main thing is, I don’t feel lost anymore.
Now it’s just a matter of perfecting my own style andI’m supposed to be

putting in a lot of effort on a lot of assignments. I don’t
think I’m going to worry anymore about what anyone

has a good thought for me

will say or what people will think of me.
I’m supposed to be a self-confident guy, but I think it

I’m determined towill take a little more time until I develop true
self-confidence. I hope someone out there has a goodpulling for me

thought for me as I undergo this process. Now that I’mdetermined to stand or fall on the basis of my writing,really kicks in

I’d like to think someone’s pulling for me. I don’t know
what’s lying ahead of me once my self-confidence

another thrilling barrier

really kicks in, but I’m sure there’s another thrilling

waiting tobarrier waiting to be hurdled.

Epilogue

idling away the time

I was idling away the time in a boat on the shore.
31

Lulled by the warm sunlight, I fell asleep. When I
opened my eyes, the boat was in the water, driven by areceding into the distancerare offshore breeze, and I was drifting out to sea. The
shore was receding into the distance, along withfading out of sighteverything on it and everyone I knew. There wasnothing I could do about it: the place I came from waslostfading out of sight.

bewilderment

insorrow

andThat was me, a little boat carried out into the open
sea. At first I was lost in sorrow and bewilderment. I

kept waiting for a chance

kept waiting for a chance to return to the shore, but it
was hopeless. When I realized I’d drifted so far out

so far out thatthat I’d never get back, I finally took a look around me.
I was bathed in sunlight, and the surface of the sea
sparkled brilliantly, almost blindingly. It was such asuch a, I could keep going

vast expanse, I could keep going forever and neverreach the end of it. I had thought I was all alone, but I

looked really hardrealized that, when I looked really hard, I could see
people out there waiting for me, new friends. Maybepeople out there waiting

this wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe this was a goodforplace to be.
This book has definitely left me with a lot of baggage
to carry around. I can no longer smile in my old
carefree way and say I’m happy.

people out there waitingfor

I don’t blame thebook, though. It’s true that I’ve lost some things along
the way but there’s no denying the fact that the bookno denying the fact that32

has given me things I never would have had withoutit.
So many encounters with so many different people,
and so many great opportunities. I’ve met countless

I had a shot at those jobs

people since No One’s Perfect came out and many ofthese were wonderful encounters that brought me love
and inspiration. Without a doubt, thanks to these

The role of a soul inexperiences I’ve grown.

anguishIn my media work, including my jobs with “News noMori” and Number, I overcame difficulties andacquired valuable experience. The only reason I had a

I’ve finally resolved toshot at those jobs in the first place was, of course, No

One’s Perfect.

any regrets

I don’t think I’ll be looking back anymore. The roleof a soul in anguish just doesn’t suit me. I’ve been

Now that I’ve madeadrift in a new world for two and a half years now andI’ve finally resolved to make my way in this world.

break free and run with itThis is where I’ll live.
I don’t want to have any regrets. Now that I’ve mademy decision I want to break free and run with it to mykeep giving off a glow of myownheart’s content. Fortunately, there’s plenty of sunlightto bask in here. I want that light shining down all overto shine brightly enough tome, and I want to keep giving off a glow of my own. I’dbelike to shine brightly enough to be seen by my parents,
standing back on that distant shore.

who have showered me with33

This new edition of No One’s Perfect, relating mylove

present life as well as my past, is dedicated to myparents, who have showered me with love fortwenty-five years.
Hirotada Ototake
Spring 2001

34