Despite Fear
同志社国際中学校

３年

野原

百加

This started off in spring 2019. My back ached. As the days passed,things got worse. Worse after playing my beloved volleyball, worse after
sitting in classes, and worse by every single second. I was worried. I thought
my friends will get annoyed if I complained excessively about pain. I wasThis continued for the next few months until I visited my doctor and wasdiagnosed with spondylolysis. I was both overwhelmed and filled with relief.
The torment wasn’t my fault at all. It was all my bones’ fault. I no longer
had to blame myself. I cannot forget how satisfied I was. However, that
atmosphere faded instantly. The doctors banned me from playing sports.
Wait. To ban sports? I had already been banned from dance, which I really
loved with for health issues, and now volleyball? Why do I always have tosay goodbye to my favorite things? I really want to ask. It was such aheartbreaking news to hear. I thought I had fallen off the edge of the cliff.
Volleyball was my life. Whenever I felt sore about something, volleyballcheered me up and that was the most exciting part of the day. This sport
requires the players to communicate within the team and to connect the ballas if trying not to cut the road which it will connect us to the new world.
You cannot touch the ball twice, so we have to rely on others in order toconnect the ball. Trusts and bond, we as a team needs to be mentally andphysically connected. Every ball, every move, every point is made by everyonein the court. We all cheer for everyone inside the court. I really loved thissport because it is a sport that the ball and the relationships are connected
the same time.
Now that this moment has vanished in me, I have nothing to feel satisfied
every single day. I couldn’t help myself to imagine about what my cold
frosted future is going to be like. My excitement for everyday has now gonein me. To take it positively though, I felt quite lucky that this year was the37

中学生―Ｉ部門

fretful of how I was weak compared with others.

last year in junior high because that was the reason why my doctor allowed
me to keep on playing volleyball until I retired. For me, the retirement matchmeant the very last game I would be able to play for the rest of my entire
life. The gym was as bright as I have ever seen. There was a bright cheerfullight but somehow, it was foggy enough to bring me tears. Now that I haveretired,I

sometimes

getdepressed

atpeopleplaying

sports,especiallyvolleyball, because I know within myself that I once was able to play. Well
you know what? You can’t change the past. So, I tried not to take this as anegative consequence, and tried to take it as a means to rethink my life.
中学生―Ｉ部門

The backbone is essential to the body and permanently supports life, so I
can simply say I have lost my life support. I feel sometimes like I lack theability to live. My life is like my backbone - soon to be separated from its
precious surroundings. Nobody needs me. But hey, I say to myself. I
remember that when I was little, I played outside for hours and hours andliterally loved running around to every place I could visit. Maybe, just maybe,
my body just needs to take a break from running around excessively. So thismeans, when my body restores its balance, I can hopefully start playing
sports once again. I know that day will arrive soon. I dream a dream. I
dream that one day, I will be able to unearth a hobby that can persist in me,
which won’t do any harm and fill in the role for my backbone.
Until then, I will keep searching for a bright glimmering sunlight thatshines through the path to a brand new destination.

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