Handbook for raisingchildren without
physical punishment

not todgesplesk or houtan“NO” to physicalpunishment!

OSEKKAI Kun

PTokyo’s Child Abuse Prevention Character
OSEKKAI Kun

https://www.fukushihoken.metro.tokyo.lg.jp/osekkai/

Raise children
without physicallypunishing them

What to do

Don’t spank, don’t shout.
It means to support children so they canpave their own way through life.
Raising children can be fun, but it’s also very hard. Raisingchildren without spanking or shouting doesn’t mean letting
children do whatever they want. It means to support children sothey can pave their own way through life. It’s absolutely NOT OK
to spank or shout at a child. But it can sometimes be hard to knowwhat to do. Please use this handbook to put some extra tricks up
your sleeve to help deal with your children when things get tough.
(The phrases and ideas here are just examples. Try to find something that fits yourchild’s character and level of development.)“NO” to physicalpunishment!
Spanking and shouting has aserious impact on children.

Research has shown thatphysically punishingchildren can have aserious impact on theirbrain development*.

Children who have been
spanked or hit by the age ofthree and a half have aheightened risk of problem
behavior at five and a half.** Based on research by Akemi Tomoda(Fukui University), Martin Teicher (HarvardUniversity) et al.

* Takeo Fujiwara et al. at Tokyo Medical andDental University “Spanking and subsequent
behavioral problems in toddlers”

Spanking and shouting:Children grow fearful of
their parents and aren’t
able to ask them for help,
which can develop intobullying and otherproblem behaviors.

- Can disrupt the healthy growth and development of the child- Violates the rights of children. Children are guaranteed theright to be protected from violence.

You can decide now to never spankor shout at your child.

My child always gets cranky
when I’m in a hurry.
I see. It seems like you
don’t want to put yourshoes on right now.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings andcommunicate using positive wording.
For example, it’s time to go outside but your child protests, saying,“I don’t want to put on my shoes.” When this happens, first take amoment to acknowledge your child’s feelings, and say it in apositive way. Instead of saying “Hurry up and put on your shoes.”
Try, “You don’t want to wear these? But you like them, don’t you?
They’re very cool.” When children’s feelings are acknowledged bytheir parents, they feel like they are valued.

Fighting over a toy.
I don’t want my child to grow up selfish.
Why don’t you taketurns?

Ask and discuss with your child what
they think they should do.
A child takes all the toys, and won’t share with a friend. No matter
how many times you talk to them about it, they continue to do it.
When this happens, instead of ordering the child to “Give her thetoy!” first acknowledge the child’s feelings and then ask, “What doyou think you should do?” and think about it together. If they can’t
think of anything, propose a solution like, “I wonder if you might
try this” or say, “Alright, let’s do something different together” andtry to shift the focus to something else based on the situation andthe child’s level of development.

I’m wiped out at work. And wiped out at home.
I love my child but I feel like I might explode.
It’s NOT OK todraw on there.

Tell the child “It’s NOT OK” without
raising your voice, and praise them when
they do something good.
Sometimes children do things that adults don’t want them to do.
But parents are human. When they get tired, they can get irritatedand might take that out on their children. When this happens, try
to calm down, and clearly tell the child “it’s NOT OK” without
getting too emotional. Then, give a short explanation about why
it’s NOT OK. Then, if the child does something good, praise themright away. This will help the child gain confidence and connect togood behavior.

It’s tough when we pass by the candy
aisle and my child starts to whine.
You won’t have any
room for dinner, so I’m
not going to buy it.

Even if they get angry, don’t buy it.
Help them calm down.
In places like the supermarket, sometimes children make a fussand won’t take no for an answer. When this happens, move toanother location if you can, and take a moment to help them cooldown. It’s important to personally take a moment to do some deep
breathing or other way to keep calm and control your emotions.
Once children calm down, tell them that you understand that theywant you to buy it, and explain why you won’t. Another strategy is
to explain “We won’t buy it today” before you go. Tell them how
proud you are when they are able to control themselves.

We love our child very much.
Why is it so hard to get it right?

When you’re busy or feelingstressed, find ways to let goof your frustration.

These are someeffective ways ofcooling down.

Take somedeep breaths.

Count slowly.

Step away for a
moment, for example
to the bathroom.

Open a window
and feel thebreeze.

Wash yourhands or face.

Wash thedishes.

Look in themirror.

Put on somemusic you like.

Talk to friends and family
about problems and concerns,
even if they seem small.

For when you want to do better,but you’re not sure how:Find your nearest:

Official LINE Account Name

Families with Children
Support CenterFamilies with Children Support Center

Child Guidance Office'sChild Abuse Hotline(Some IP phones may not be able to dial)

Ko-gokoro Oya-gokoro Sodan@Tokyo
子ゴコロ・親ゴコロ相談 @ 東京Search

Add friend

4152 Advice Hotline
Tokyo Child Guidance Office
Not a toll-free number

April 2019
The Tokyo Metropolitan Government Ordinance regarding
the Prevention of Child Abuse was put into effect.
Article 6 (2): Guardians must under no circumstances give corporal punishment or conduct
other Punishment in Violation of a Child’s Dignity.

Made with help from Tokiko Koso.
Chairperson of the Japan Network for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect(References) Tokiko Koso “Kanjoteki ni naranai kosodate”, Kanki Publishing/Akemi Tomoda “Kodomo no no-o kizutsukeru oyatachi”, NHK Publishing

Article 2 (1) #7: Punishment in Violation of a Child’s Dignity: Any act committed by a Guardian
when disciplining a Child that may cause physical or emotional pain (including cases in which
the Child does not feel such pain), that goes against a Child’s interests.