as I am
Harry Ross
Die meisten Frauen setzen alles daran, einen Mann zu ändern, und wenn sie ihn dann geändert haben, mögen sieihn nicht mehr. – Marlene Dietrich
A chantar m’er de so q’ieu non volria
Tant me rancur de lui cui sui amia - Comtessa de Dia

Trying to cry, to fly
Far from my cloud coverFar from my powerful life
I fly trying tears.
I fear troubled questions –Stop. Over-intellectualised
Stop counting.
Fly without stopping.
Speak no more.
Stop speaking, feel love.
Kiss me I love you!
I am far away I fly…
Kiss.
Clunk.
Cathectise.
Kiss.
Clamber all over.
scream cry fly feel
fly scream kiss cry
freeI’mfreecome kiss come kiss lips come take kiss come kisscome kiss come come kiss come take kiss come lips
come kiss and take come kiss and takecome kiss and take come kiss and takecome kissYoudidn’t try to couldn’t try to
all I have couldn’t
but don’t try to cry over meWhy me?

You areIncomplete
Didn’tCare or thinkStop
Why now?
Why didn’t?
but couldn’t take take couldn’t take didn’t know did didn’t want no did not want to take measyouseeslip away far away from me
though I love away you slip
why do you why do you
leave!
we fall
we loveavale yourself from me you:slip away far away
far away slip away
why do you why do you why do you why do you you are duplicitous and cunning and conniving andyou tricked me into being for you I cannot admit that I’ve been fooled and no naivety cannot be an
excuse as I am old enough you’d think I would be wise enough to not be taken in by pledges evenwhen I kid myself that everything is wonderful and perfect and exquisite and I kid myself I want thisand you kid yourself you want this and we act the happy couple and you’re never even present when
you are I cannot stand it and I’d rather that it stop I cannot stop but I would rather that it stop I cannotstop but I must.

how
did the trips go?

Vienna
Honolulu
Milan
San Fransisco
Reykjavik
calm sea
no boatbut we float

calm we were so calm,

Now do you even remember my name?

Can’t I have just one more one more journey with you take me away
Paris!
Paris!
Valenciabusiness as usual we’ll go where you had to go
Ghent
So dull do I have to go there?
Why do you have to take me there?
Do you have to take me?
I think you are unkind to make me join your grind why do you take me STOP

crying, crying in the mirror as I am taken shopping do you think it softens me in your continual
Absence
can’t buy me buy me
you’re insistent couldn’t you try to show me some love to show
some love no you take me away and ignore me ignore me ignore me

little boat and we float for hours
little boat and we sink
downthat is
funny
funny
funny
(it’s not a joke)
fall down and drown fall down and drown mylittle boat has
ahsunk.
why did you take no time?
my nose in the crook of your neck was fleeting dashing off you were to the next meeting return in theevening half drunk and too tired or too stressed off again in my neck my nose in the crook of yourneck in the crook of your neck half drunk too stressedtake no careover too dull
awful too dull
oh you can try to think can try to think it worked
but myself
but myself re:self re:self-respect finished it
can try to think it’s me
but it was me
who finished it you egomaniac
don’t you see i’m free
why i’m free you’ll see
look in my mirror
i think you’ll be
surprised to see
i love love i love i love melove me love me love me
do you love an idea you don’t love me you don’t love touching me I loveme love me
i’ve no need
love mei needlove mei sing of things i sing of things i want i sing of things i want i want to keep
happened before it’s happened before before it has happened it has happenedeven before it has happened it’s happened before it’s even happened before
sing i of things i want to keep i sing of things i want to keepin the silence the dark in the night in my room in the mirror i lookquiet i sing of things i must keep
quiet and love him as if i were loathed so bitter i feel i must singi sing of things i want to keep quiet
it has happened before and will be hidden again and forgiven again and soi must sing i must sing must i sing my grief for whom i love more than anything
must ieven when I kid myself that everything is wonderful and perfect andexquisite and I kid myself I want this and you kid yourself you want this and we act the happy couple
and you’re never even present when you are I cannot stand itNO