A Health Campaign of Uniformed Services University, www.usuhs.edu, and theCenter for the Study of Traumatic Stress, Bethesda, Maryland, www.CSTSonline.org

R  Y L O:
Helpful Advice for Families

In response to numerous inquiries
from family and friends of loved ones
returning from war, the Center for
the Study of Traumatic Stress (CSTS)
would like to share the following
ideas and suggestions to enhance yourhomecoming and communication.
Try to Remember■ Homecoming is more than an event; it is a process ofreconnection for your family and your loved one.
■ While coming home represents a return to safety,

the routines of home are markedly different from
regimented life in a war zone.
■ In your loved one’s absence, you and other family

members have probably assumed many roles andfunctions that may have to be re-negotiated. Be patient
during this period of readjustment and recognizethat many things often do not return to what theypreviously were like.
■ GO SLOWLY. Your returning loved one, you, and yourfamily need time — time together before exposure
to the demands of the larger community—friends,extended family, and coworkers.
Try to Observe■ Celebrating is important, and should reflect yourfamily’s own style and preferences. Do what feels
comfortable and right for you. Tributes might be cakes,
yellow ribbons, special dinners, and events that yourloved one has enjoyed in the past.
■ Talking about war experiences is a personal and delicate

subject, and frequently not a part of a family reunion.
Many soldiers prefer to share such experiences with abuddy or special friend. Let your returning soldier takethe lead here. Listening rather than asking questions isthe guiding rule.
■ Keeping your social calendar fairly free and flexible forthe first weeks after homecoming is wise. Respect theneed for time alone, especially timewith important people, such asspouses. Explain to those who may
be slighted at not being included
that this is a normal requirementof returning personnel.
■ Your loved one may need time

to become adjusted to the
local time zone as well as otherenvironmental changes such as
the lack of continual noise. Also, your own family may
be keyed up, sleeping poorly in anticipation and in theexcitement of the homecoming, and may be exhausted
as well.
■ Your children’s reactions may not be what you, theparent at home, or your returning spouse may haveexpected or desired. Very often young children will
act shy, not remembering the returning soldier atfirst. Older children may feel and act angry because of
their parent’s absence. Be patient and understanding
concerning your children’s reactions and give them time
to become reacquainted.
■ Try to be flexible with reasonable expectations. It is

normal to experience some disappointment or let downin the face of this momentous event. The reality ofhomecoming and reunion seldom match one’s fantasies
and preconceived scenarios.
Exercise caution■ Driving. When people have not operated a conventional

motor vehicle in a long time, driving can be hazardous.
Driving with someone in the car is the best way toreturn to driving.
■ Drinking alcoholic beverages. Since exposure to alcoholic

beverages has been limited in wartime, it is important
not to over indulge. Persons drinking with the returning
service member should be especially careful to help
limit the intake. Excessive use of alcohol can be awarning sign of distress, increase the risk of accidents,
Continued

and decrease the opportunity to communicate andreestablish connection with one’s spouse and family.

Additional Resources
The following websites have additional information:■ https://www.marines.mil/News/Messages/Messages-The Departure■ Leaving home and returning to one’s unit is stressful

for you, your loved one, and your family. You’ve drawn
close, and now you must let go. It’s a sad time, and it
is natural to feel sad, even to cry. Your loved one maydistance themself in preparation for leaving. Try tounderstand if this happens.
■ At the time of departure, it is important to let yourloved one know how proud you are of their sacrificeand their commitment to our country and their job.
Expressing this pride while saying goodbye is positive,
and will provide strength to you, your children andmost of all, the departing soldier.

Display/Article/886568/policy-for-return-andreunion-of-marines/					Return and Reunion Information, Return and Reunion
Guide, Return and Reunion Brief, Operation Iraqi
Freedom Warrior Transition■ https://www.mhanational.org/coping-war-related-stress-information-military-families-andcommunities 					The National Mental Health Association: Coping with
War-Related Stress: Information for Military Families
and Communities■ https://www.first.army.mil/divEast/documents/pdf/

DeploymentGuide.pdf 				Military Deployment Guide 2011

■ https://www.ptsd.va.gov/				National Center for PTSD

Courage to Care is a health promotion campaign of Uniformed Services University
and its Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress (CSTS). CSTS is the academic
arm and a partnering Center of the Defense Centers of Excellence 5DCoE) for
Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury.

Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
Department of Psychiatry
Uniformed Services University
4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799
www.CSTSonline.org