Supporting Families of Covid-19 Victims During the Ongoing Pandemic

Message to Bereaved Families
Noriko Setou1), Yukihiro Sakaguchi2), Noriko Murakami3)
1) Fukushima Medical University, School of Medicine, Department of Disaster Psychiatry2) Kwansei Gakuin University, School of Human Welfare Studies3) Kobe Red Cross Hospital, Division of Psychosomatic Medicine＊English translator and proofreader

Mikiko Yamaguchi and Heather Hill

If you have lost your loved one to COVID-19, it would have been an unexpected sudden
bereavement. You may not be able to accept the reality that your world has completely changed.
You may experience some or many of the following:Confusion and distress

Difficulty controlling your emotions

Feelings of abandonmentOverwhelming sense of despairFeelings of terror and strong emotional painCannot stop being angrySelf-blame

Recurring images of death

Although you had no choice due to the pandemic, you may be suffering from the fact that you
were unable to properly farewell your loved one and hold a funeral ceremony in the way youwanted.
When you lose a loved one, it is common that you see the person, hear his/her voice, and feel
his/her presence. Sometimes, that comforts you, but sometimes, that makes you feel sadder.
The lack of opportunity to say a proper goodbye makes the grieving process harder, and it may
take longer to cope with and come to terms with your painful feelings.
It is, of course, important to have time alone, but when things become difficult, it is also
important to ask for help. There are times when talking to somebody you trust can help a lot. Also,
it is alright to ask for help to do everyday tasks such as delivering meals and shopping. Even if you
cannot have personal contact with the other person, he/she will be able to leave what you need at
the front porch.

Your friends and relatives may be waiting to hear from you. Try contacting them by phone or
text, facetime or skype. Also, you can share photographs and memories of your loved one withthese people. It is very important that you don't stay isolated.
Remember that you tried your best for the loved one you lost in this very difficult time with somany restrictions. Surely, your loved one knew how much you thought and were worried about
him/her. It is very important not to blame yourself.
You may be forced to stay at home or quarantine yourself in the house you shared with thedeceased. You may find it painful and difficult staying in a house which is full of memories. Livingwith other family members can allow you to support each other. On the other hand, sometimes
underlying tension and anger may mean families find it difficult to support each other. It is
common for there to be tensions among family members for a while after a family member dies,but as time goes by, tension within the family gradually reduces.
When there are restrictions on going out, you constantly face information from the media oncrises so that it becomes more difficult to relax or do something to distract from negative feelings.
Sometimes, information - for instance, people who died from the virus "had a pre-existing
condition" or "were elderly" - makes you feel as if the death of your loved one was inevitable, andthis brings you more pain. No matter the situation, the person is irreplaceable to their bereaved
families.
It may be good to keep a little distance from media and think about what kinds of activities you
can do to relax and feel at ease. Try to gradually include more of these activities in your daily
routine.
It is good to express your grief in a way that feels right for you. Some people listen to music thatthe deceased person loved. Some people display photographs of the person. If the tears flow,
don't try to stop them. If you cannot cry, that is alright, too. Everyone has different ways togrieve.
You may lose interest in food, but eating and keeping up your fluid intake are very important inmaintaining your mental and physical health. Mealtimes can form part of your daily rhythm. Eat
meals at regular times even if you can eat only a small portion and try to establish a daily routine,
which includes regular times for getting up and going to bed. Also, it is good to open a window,
breathe fresh air and catch some sun every day, even for a short time.
If there are children in the family, it is important to communicate effectively with them. Pleasesee separate column "To Support Children Who Experienced Bereavement".
If your painful feelings increase or physical ailments persist, you may need to see a specialist. Inthat case, talk to your family doctor, mental health specialist, or the mental health and welfare
center in your area.

【Reference】
Cruse Bereavement Care https://www.cruse.org.uk/

Australian center for grief and bereavement
https://www.grief.org.au/Default.aspx?hkey=e57b003b-1eac-495b-b267-74456fc2d08d

The Irish Hospice Foundation

https://hospicefoundation.ie/

LEEDS Bereavement Forum

http://lbforum.org.uk/【Note】The information we have provided here should serve merely as a guide. Please start with thethings you can do, little by little, without pushing yourself.
First Edition: May 15, 2020