Why Does Marriage Only Have Implications For Women? Persisting GenderInequalities
Ms. Thilini WIJETUNGE (Sri Lanka)“When a boy is born, his parents are elated.” This is a conventional saying common
to many Asian countries. Having a baby boy is considered to be in the same league as
winning the lottery, while having a girl is as exciting as watering a plant in yourneighbor’s garden. You water it, give it sunshine and take care of it. But when it is time
for the harvest, your neighbor has a better chance of reaping the rewards. It is as if allyour efforts and sacrifice have been taken away by a stranger. This situation is more
visible in Asian countries such as China and India where female births are evencontrolled in various ways.
Sri Lanka is somewhat exceptional due to the educational achievements of its
people, especially women. However, there may be families in rural settings who still
consider a daughter to be a burden to the family. This may be due to various factors.
Some people are of the mindset that only boys will be the breadwinners of the family.
Hence, boys should be properly nourished and educated as they are expected to support
the family in the future. Also, there is a traditional perception that no matter how muchyou love and care for your daughter and enjoy her beauty and warmth, she does notbelong to you after all. She will be with you, make you happy and care for you, butultimately will leave you for another family from where she will continue to carry out
her duties as a new daughter, sister and mother. Above all, parents feel that they areburdened with finding a dowry for
their daughter when she gets married.
In many cases, women suffer whentheymarry,particularly

duetodowry-related problems. Dowries playa major role in the lives of women who
are of marriageable age in Sri Lankansociety. While parents are not obligatedby law to provide a dowry for theirdaughters, it is a tradition that somefamilies

continuetowoman’sparents

arefollow.

Ifacapableofproviding their daughter with a dowrywhenshemarries,

she

isoftenTraditional Sri Lankan Wedding

well-accepted and given due respect by her in-laws. Consequently, parents struggle tosecure money or property as dowry for their daughter.
In traditional Sri Lankan society, another social norm connected with marriage isthe virginity of a woman when she marries. This way of thinking is still prevalent intraditional rural families in Asia, and is actually a form of gender discrimination as only
women are supposed to remain untouched and maintain their virginity. If a woman is
not a virgin when she marries, she will suffer eternally throughout her married life. It istrue that safe sex should always be practiced and that adolescents should be educatedabout their sexual behavior. But requiring women to maintain their virginity cannot beaccepted as a social norm. Even though women have proven to be equally stronger and
fit in every way, these kinds of delusions keep women on the bottom row of the ladder tosuccess.
In addition to the above mentioned issues, there are other discriminatory practices
which negatively affect women. When a married woman is unable to produce children,
she is often berated by society and condemned as a “barren woman of no worth.” In thepast, a woman who did not produce a child was neglected by her husband and in-laws,and mocked and tormented by society, which led to a mental deterioration as she feltthat being unable to have a child was her own fault for being unable to carry on to thenext generation. In countries like India, the husband at this stage would be able tomarry another woman and remain in the same house enjoying a happy life with his newwife and children, while his previous “barren wife” was ignored and endured
tremendous pain and suffering. This view continues in many religions and caste-based
situations as well where polygamy and polyandry are practiced.
Today we live in a technologically advanced world where medical science is able toprovide solutions to most of our health and physical problems. With this, it has been
proven in most cases that women are not to blame in many of the above-mentioned
situations. Men have equal responsibilities and roles to play when it comes to producing
children. Even though this is the case, even today, misunderstandings by a majority ofpeople remain and the finger of blame is pointed directly at women.
In Sri Lanka in the past, families would be distressed if the first child is a girl.
However, today, this way of thinking has dramatically changed. With the educational
achievements of women, dowry matters are also receiving less attention. People are of
the mindset that, if a couple is educated and earns a good income, they will have notrouble leading comfortable and happy lives. Pre-marital sex has also become morecommon among the younger generations in urban areas even though it is still not freely
accepted, due to cultural norms. However, the issue of virginity for married women has

all but disappeared amongst the educated populace. Education has changed present SriLankan society in a very positive way. The status of women in Sri Lanka has been
subjected to many great changes over the past decade with gender-specific interventions
taken by successive governments in Sri Lanka. As a result, the women of Sri Lanka are
fortunate to enjoy equal status with men when compared to their counterparts in Asia.
But, there are still situations in which deeply rooted cultural norms continue to lead todiscriminatory practices against women, particularly with regard to issues related tomarriage.