Inner Demons From Around The World

同志社国際中学校３年

People sometimes ask me, “Are you a half?”.

古賀ブラウズ

オスカー琉之祐I reply with a simple “Yes”.

Most ofthe time it would be that simple, but recently I’ve begun to question myself and myinternational preference.

Am I half-British or half-Japanese?

I feel like I will eventually

have to choose one nationality and live by their culture’s rules. Through this essay, I will
break down my life experiences and find out what puzzles me so much.
First of all, I will explain why I am being troubled by a matter others may think to
be insignificant to their daily lives.
speaking English and Japanese.

I first noticed this problem when I listened to myself

When speaking in English, for example, with my friends

and father, I talk with a confident tone and a rather cynical manner. “Outgoing” wouldn’t
be the exact word for my personality, but I feel much confident than when I speakJapanese.

英語
中学生－When I speak to my mother and my neighbours, I talk in Japanese, or should

I say I hardly talk at all.

I don’t feel comfortable while talking Japanese, and I don’tknow why.
As I’ve just explained, my personality switches with what language I speak.

Thisworries me, as I am afraid of what effect this will have on who I am and what my future
will be.

From how I have worded my problems, I’m sure you think I think myself to bevery much British.

But my manners, habits and way of thinking have been molded by

my time in Japan.

For example, when I enter a house in England, I immediately remove

my shoes, because that is common manners in Japan.

Also, when eating, I feel much

more comfortable using chopsticks, instead of western utensils such as knives and forks.
Like this, I feel like a Briton inside, but what I project to the outer world is very
Japanese.
How would a Japanese student reply to his teacher?

He would reply with certain

words that are established and accepted to sound polite to his superior; respect language.
This is another major factor that divides Japanese and English, and for me, one of thebiggest differences.

There is no distinct respect language in the English language,

therefore blurring the line between senior and junior and making everyone feel that bit
more equal.

In the Japanese language, however, there is a big difference between casualand respect language, even more so when using honorifics.

This large gap between me

and my superiors is something else that has bothered me from the start.

In England, I

had no hesitation when talking to teachers at school, but in Japan, there seems to be an
unnecessary tension between student and teacher.

While the teachers in Japan don’tnecessarily expect more respect from their pupils that English teachers, but the Japaneseeducation system reminds students about the gap between senior and junior too manytimes to make it glaringly obvious.
Something else that kept coming back to me was the difference between two
culture’s sense of humour.
very much British.

While I have many Japanese traits, my sense of humour isI find sarcastic jokes about politicians funny, but when I seem to tellthem to others they are often confused, as Japanese comedy is a lot more slapstick.

For

example, The Mighty Boosh, a British comedy series and one of my personal favourites, isa hilarious mixture of slapstick and witty jokes, so I think many people who are into
Japanese comedy would enjoy it too.

On the other hand, Monty Python, a famous British

comedy show, would not catch on in Japan due to it’s heavy reliance on funny dialogue
and mockery of political issues.

This has molded my personality in more ways than I

once thought.
The more I kept thinking about these pressing problems, I got increasingly lost. I’mmolded by both British humour and Japanese etiquette, and that confused me to no end.
The more I thought, the more I was grabbing through the fog, expecting to reach out andwrap my fingers around an answer in an epic realisation.
It was quiet, nothing too dramatic.

Then, one day, I did realise.

My life was only just beginning, so who said I

needed to control anything yet? I would keep living my life and learn to control my innerdemons.

I am still on a learning curve, and my life was still spread out before me.

IWhen people ask me “Are you ahalf?”, I want to be able to reply “No, I’m a double”.

So I’ll let these demons within me

fester and swell within me, and build up the willpower to control them.
wait.

I have only to－中学生

instead of becoming one person, I will become two.

英語still think over my problems to do with international preference, but I remind myself that