Inhale Confidence Exhale Doubt
同志社女子高等学校

１年

林里美

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single girl in possession ofdoubt towards herself must be in want of confidence.
Is there a day that goes so perfectly right in my life? A day where I feelright, being me? Negative thoughts seemed to constantly float in my mind,
threating to come out of my mouth, to pour out of my soul and pollute what
is left of me. That was until I was able to truly accept myself with theinfluence of words from books and freeing myself through music.
When I look around my room, the first thing that catches my eye would

it has had positive and negative influences on my identity over the years.
When I hit my teenage years, I started to realize my obsession with wanting
to be like a character from a book. Their flawless lives stood out in front of
my own bumpy one, and more importantly, felt like something worth having.
As a teenager and a girl, I felt as though if I did everything a hundred
percent correctly, I could become perfect. Characters seemed to taunt me withevery turned page. Except as obvious as it is, there is no such thing asperfection. Living in this Japanese society, I am forever reminded of leading
an ideal life. Looking around, I see girls trying to be thin, smart and talented
with every power they have. From television ads to my school life, I see iteverywhere. The pressure is real. The feeling of knowing you are not enoughmade me miserable. I truly wanted to be something I was not.
Reading books was making me into a different person and my own life
was turning fake. Though one day, everything changed because of one bookthat contained a life-changing quote. “Life is not a neat equation to besolved. . . . It’s messy and wild and unpredictable. That’s the heartbreak of it,
but that’s also the glory of it.” (Fredrick, The Education of Patience Goodspeed,232) I met this quote when I was browsing through books at a store. Ironicallythey are words from a book, but never had I felt so much power and felt

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probably be my bookshelf. Reading has always been a hobby of mine, thoughgenuinely content with my life.
Music has always been a way for me to escape from society, even if it
may only be for a short time. This is why, I did not find it surprising whenmusic helped me realize my mistakes and find confidence in myself. When I
listen to music, I feel the love or hate, some kind of feeling behind everything.
Listening to traditional instruments being used, sleeping to a soft lullaby in adifferent dialect, imaging myself on the streets of a place I’ve never been to,
all these things are full of emotions. No matter what country we’re from, weall share a heart. Being able to empathize to the singer and relate to them issomething you can do even if you may not understand the language. Throughmusic, I have also learned about freeing myself. Being a dramatic person, Icannot control my feelings well. I used to let them stir inside me and tried toswallow any that bubbled to my mouth, but now I have decided to let them
高校生―Ｉ部門

go. Although feelings may be part of me, I cannot control something that is
so unpredictable.
For a long time I felt as though my nationality defined whom I was andhow I should be. I have come to finally realize that country isn’t important. I
am who I am, and nothing can define me. Going through our teenage years is
a very exhausting experience, and if you are struggling from insecurities thanI would look out and peer into the horizon where unlimited possibilities seemto lie. This past year, I have searched for answers outside of my small world
and found hints. Hints to find myself were found in the words in literatureand the emotion in music. Now I can proudly say that I have much more
confidence than I may have had before. It is a “truth” that is known to theworld, that everyone wants to feel good about themselves.

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