Remember to say thank you
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thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.

And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was
growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thankyou to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in theirpraise of me and I’d just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt
embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does
this? So, I decided to investigate.

I’m fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who
are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down tosomething as simple as, their core wound is their father died without eversaying he’s proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never
told the son. It’s because he didn’t know that his son needed to hear it.

So my question is, why don’t we ask for the things that we need? I know agentleman, married for 25 years, who’s longing to hear his wife say, “Thankyou for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,” but won’t
ask. I know a woman who’s good at this. She, once a week, meets with her
husband and says, “I’d really like you to thank me for all these things I did
in the house and with the kids.” And he goes, “Oh, this is great, this isgreat.” And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibilityfor that. And a friend of mine, April, who I’ve had since kindergarten, she
thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, “Why wouldn’t I
thank it, even though they’re supposed to do it?”15

中学生―Ｄ部門

Hi. I’m here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration andSo, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it?
Why can I say, “I’ll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes,” but I
won’t say, “Would you praise me this way?” And it’s because I’m giving you
critical data about me. I’m telling you where I’m insecure. I’m telling you
中学生―Ｄ部門

where I need your help. And I’m treating you, my inner circle, like you’re theenemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You
could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.

And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they’ddo something called “truing” the wheels. The guy said, “You know, when you
true the wheels, it’s going to make the bike so much better.” I get the same
bike back, and they’ve taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I’ve
had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I’m going tochallenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about thepraise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to yourwife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what
does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people
around you.

And it’s simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world
peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different
languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So,
let’s make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in
the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons.
And maybe somebody’s never said that to you, but you’ve done a really, really
good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing theworld with your ideas.

http://www.ted.com/talks/laura_trice_suggests_we_all_say_thank_you?language=ja

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