Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
CSTS | Department of Psychiatry | Uniformed Services University | 4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799 | www.CSTSonline.org

Managing Family Conflict While Home
During an Infectious Disease Outbreak:Intimate Partners
During an infectious disease
outbreak, physical distancing may be
implemented in an effort to containthe outbreak. Such a measure may
create opportunities and challenges
for couples and families. The sudden
increase in time spent together within
a common living space can promote“family togetherness”, but also possible
stress and resulting conflict between
intimate partners. Although conflict

The sudden increase in timespent together within a common
living space can promote “familytogetherness”, but also possible
stress and resulting conflict
between intimate partners.

1. Use Active Listening
Family conflict can be reduced when family members
listen effectively to one another. Feeling understood is
helpful, even if there remains unresolved conflict.
a. Focus on and try to understand what your family
member is saying rather than rebutting theircomments.
b. Repeat back what you heard your partner sayand ask if you understood correctly to avoid
misunderstanding.
c. Address any negative feedback or misperceptions
about your partner (e.g., “She never listens to me” or“He only cares about himself ”) which make it harder
to communicate effectively.
II. Problem Solving
Come to a shared agreement that you and your partner
have a full appreciation of the problem (via active listening)
before attempting these steps:
a. Agenda setting—decide which problem to address
b. Brainstorming—generate a list of possible solutions,
without judging the quality of any suggestionc. Agreement & Compromise—compromise/agree ona proposed solution to the problem that includes
actionable behaviors (e.g., “I will cook dinner
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night while you carefor the children”)

happens in every healthy relationship,
and increased time together can
provide an opportunity to build
healthy communication skills, somefamilies may struggle to address
conflict constructively, creating riskfor physical aggression. The following
strategies may help partners manage
conflict during periods of homeconfinement.

d. Follow-Up—check in with your partner on how theselected solution is working and decide whether tokeep or modify the plan
III. Self-Regulation
Active listening and problem solving may becompromised if the level of anger is too intense.
Mindfulness exercises can promote self-regulation.
a. Notice anger and other emotions like fear andjealousy and describe them without judgment.
b. Rather than avoid intense emotions, observe andaccept them at face value without acting on them.
c. Identify topics likely to cause intense emotions—theymay require more time (and professional help) tolearn how to self-regulate.
d. Once emotional intensity decreases, reaffirm yourcommitment to the process prior to re-engaging yourpartner (e.g., “I want to improve communication withmy partner. Therefore, I commit to active listening byparaphrasing my partner’s comments without adding
a rebuttal or becoming defensive.”)
IV. Time-Outs can be Helpful
Time-outs are opportunities to use self-regulation skills
that can support active listening and successful problem
solving.
a. Responsibly monitor the intensity of your emotions
and request a time-out when needed.
Continued

b. Encourage everyone in the family to request a timeout to maintain family safety.
c. Agree on a family signal for a time-out (e.g., hand
gesture “T” for timeout).
d. Agree to go to separate locations for a period of time(e.g., 15–20 minutes initially) prior to resuming
discussion.
e. Use self-regulation strategies to “cool off ” before reengaging.
f. Return at an agreed upon time and resume discussion
only when both partners agree they are ready.

support services, court-mandated abuse intervention
programs, couples therapy) should maintain accessto community-based support even during physicaldistancing constraints. For example, crisis intervention,case management, and individual counseling by telephone
remain available in many locations. Limited direct services
may still be available in your community (e.g., supervisedchild visitation and exchanges). The National Domestic
Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, thehotline.org) offers
confidential assistance to callers who identify as either IPV
victims or abusers.

Couples who have a recent history of intimate partner
violence (IPV) and/or counseling services (e.g., victim

Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
Department of Psychiatry
Uniformed Services University
4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799
www.CSTSonline.org