Fractal Psychology

Parenting Course
forMothers
What is a Mother's Love?

Fractal Psychology Association

Fractal Psychology®

Parenting Course for Mothers
What Is a Mother’s Love?
Written by Mau Isshiki
Published by Fractal Psychology Association
4-11-8-601 Ebisu, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo, Japan
81-3-6805-1824 http://www.taw.ac

Email: infous@taw.ac

Produced by Aquarius Navi. CO.LTD.
Copyright © 2007 by Fractal Psychology Association. All rights reserved.
Fractal Psychology® is a registered trademark in Japan.
Material in this publication may not be reproduced in any form without written permission.

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Introduction
Grow Yourself as a MotherAnxiety accompanies rearing children. You might be always brooding about thebest way to nurture your children. You, as a mother, will decide which methods you
will use to nurture your children by reading books or asking other mothers about
which methods they use. However, how can we confirm that those methods arecorrect for your children? Children have various types of personalities. One
method might be good for some personalities, but bad for other personalities.
As a life counselor, I have been deeply investigating the minds of numerous adults
for many years. My job is to look into how their parents' words affected their
feelings during childhood, and how those feelings now influence their adulthood.
Then, I find their life purpose, modify wrong mindsets, and make their lives flowsmoothly. Because I am often in the position to survey the long-span flow ofpeople's minds, I understand how the words or attitudes of mothers can affectwhat type of personalities their children attain. The effects of a mother's words orattitudes on a child will change a few times during the child's long life span.
For example, a child might have thought that he was hurt by his mother, but thatexperience actually helped this child to become an independent person. Anotherchild might have thought that she was protected tenderly by her mother, but thatexperience made this child into an immature adult. After this research, I concluded
that we cannot say which words or attitudes are correct for raising children until
the children become adults.
However, there is one magical way to help your children soundly. It is very simple,
safe, and completely effective! That one magical way is nurturing yourself as amature adult. Imagine that your family is literally a tree. You, as the mother, are a
branch of that tree, and your children are twigs of that branch. So, if your mind
grows soundly, your children's minds will grow soundly too. That is why somepeople say, "Nurturing children is nurturing ourselves." If the branch does not haveenough nutrition, the twigs cannot get enough nutrition, even if you change how
you nurture them. Determining what type of parenting is good or bad, is easy.
Parenting becomes difficult when parents themselves do not want to grow.
If a mother feels immature, but does nothing about her immaturity, that is whenher immaturity causes her to become angry with her children. She feels theimpulse to yell at them or beat them. Children sometimes make the situation worse
and make their mother's smoldering anger into a fire. If the mother can extinguishher smoldering anger first, the fire will not occur, even if her children intentionally
attempt to make their mother angry.
Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

3The Parenting Course for Mothers of Fractal Psychology is programed to pursue
why mothers become angry with their children, and then help to heal andextinguish the anger itself. When you use this method, you will never need to sayanything to your children. All you need to do is observe your children, and say what
you want to say to your "Child Self," not to your children. With this method, you will
extinguish your smoldering anger in your deep mind. At the same time, you canreduce a lot of stress with your husband and parents-in-law. This is the result of thegrowth of your mind.
There are many books for parenting. Those can be very helpful when you are calm.
However, when you are angry and feeling irritated, those books will not work
anymore. You might have already experienced this, and condemned yourself
because you could not act as the books instructed. If you can grow as a mature adultand nurture yourself and your mind, you will reduce those frustrations, and you will
nurture your children confidently. At that time, you will move ahead, beyond thosebooks for parenting.
My own twenty years of parenting experience was not easy, and probably very
similar to your parenting experience. However, I believe that children are the besttreasure for mothers. As mothers, we have been nurturing our own best friends; ourchildren. Is there any other job as worthwhile as being a mother?
Our parenting period will end someday, but then we will have long years with ourbest friends. Those years with our best friends will be at least three times longer
than our parenting period. Please look forward to the days when you are relaxing
and talking with your children as your best friends.

Spring in 2007

Written by Mau Isshiki, the founder of Fractal Psychology

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

What is Fractal Psychology Parenting Course?
The Fractal Psychology Parenting course provides a brand new method of parenting,using TAW which was developed by Mau Isshiki. This method is not about using
particular words for children, nor changing the attitude and behavior of mothers
towards their children. They can transform their children with a specialized method, inwhich mothers say to their Child Self what they want to say towards their children. They
do not need to do anything to their children directly, but this method can transformtheir children automatically. You can see this method in Lesson 4.

In Fractal Psychology, what we say to our Child Self are Modification Statements. Theseshould be written well for both sides; mothers and children. Once you learned thismethod, you can cope with child rearing by using Modification Statements without
frustration, and children can also make a stable foundation of life.
All of your family members will get along better after you begin enjoying child rearing,and you will have more possibilities in your future because you will have grown morebecause of the Modification Statements.

This method is very effective especially for the cases below:
1. Children who are very rebellious and not obedient.
2. Children who have problems of traits; not proactive, wayward, lazy
3. Children who have physical problems such as poor health condition, bed-wetting,crying at night.
4. To help development of children's ability, skills, physical competency.
5. To help development of mothers' ability, modification of traits, facilitating of mental
growth.
* TAW stands for "Theory of an Advanced World.“ It is the name of theory of monism that Mau Isshiki developed.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

5Chapter 1
You Also Have Unconditional Love
Do you believe that you have been nurtured with unconditional love? Pleaseconsider what unconditional love truly is.
When you go to a food court in a big shopping mall, you will see many children.
They are eating something after shopping with their parents. It is fun. You can see
the little smiling faces here and there.
However, you can see some exceptions in them. One little girl is pouting because
her mother declined to buy donuts for her, because her daughter already ate a big
pizza just now. Still the little girl insists that her mother buy it because she saw
another girl eating a donut with big smile. This little girl has envied her.
One little boy is insisting that his mother buy one more hamburger after he ate a
big one. However, his desire cannot be granted. He will not give up and eventually
his mother will scold him. He might begin to cry. The time which should be happyturns into an unhappy time.
How is a mother feeling in these situations? She intended to make her children
happy, and she took them to the food court to give them something. She gave muchenergy, money, and time for them, but it ended as an unpleasant experience. She
might be disappointed. No one likes to feel anger at someone, especially someone
who we love, treasure, and for whom we give money and time. It is natural that themother feels sadness and frustration in this situation.
Children are good at getting their mothers angry. They are self-centered. They
always desire better things and acquiring more things without thinking of payment.
This is what it means to be "Children.“ Still, their mothers will take them to foodcourts again to make them happy.
Did they not learn from their unhappy experience?
Why do they not keep their grudge at their children?

Why can they continue to love their children?
Of course, they love their children. Mothers regain their drive to make theirchildren smile again while they are looking at their children's peaceful faces
sleeping at night, even though they felt embarrassment or anger due to theirchildren. Mothers are still dreaming about their children's smiles without thinkingof any repayment from anyone. This is unconditional love.

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It is not that only holy ladies in a distant world have unconditional love.
Unconditional love is not only about taking care of abandoned poor people. There
are many mothers who have unconditional love at food courts in shopping malls.
They never expect rewards nor congratulate themselves, moreover they do notknow that they possess noble unconditional love in themselves. This is true
unconditional love.
Absolutely, you are the one of them.

Let's think!
1. Have you thought that mothers should always prioritize their children's
desires, and that is true love, or unconditional love?
2. How many times in a day do you care for your children after they havemade you angry?
3. Imagine continuing this situation for at least five years. How many times
in the five years do you care for them, in spite of anger?
..This figure is the quantity of your unconditional love.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

7Chapter 2
Two Models of an Ideal Mother
What do you think is an ideal model of a mother? You might not have ever thought
about it. Many mothers became mothers when they were in their twenties. How
often can you say that people in their twenties have matured well? If you lookaround society, you will say that people in their twenties are not completely
mature adults. They have just become adults, they do not work hard, andsometimes they become emotional. However, they are energetic, and they are likely
flexible. On top of that, their minds are still in a childlike state, so they can enjoy
playing with their children.
How about becoming a mother in your thirties? Women who become a mother intheir thirties usually already know the pleasure of a free life, and the wonderfulfeeling of being proud when they are acknowledged for their achievements. They
will feel that childrearing is difficult for them because no one rewards them for it.
However, they are adult enough, and working hard is not so painful for themcompared to the mothers in their twenties. They can take care of children, putting
their emotions aside.
How about becoming a mother when you are in your forties? Rearing children inyour forties is physically difficult and sometimes you might not be able to catch up
to your children’s actions. Besides, older mothers do not have childlike desires
anymore. Therefore, they are likely to feel that children are noisy and disturbing.
However, they will treat their children more calmly than mothers in their twenties,
and they can admire their children’s loveliness, and cherish them.
In conclusion, nobody can be a perfect or ideal mother because everyone has
demerits, regardless of age.
However, when we were children, we did not know that it was impossible foranyone to be a perfect mother. Therefore, almost every child has thought tohim/herself, “The mother of that girl is better than my mother.” Then, the childdreams for an ideal mother. You also might have had this dream. How deeply doesit still remain in your mind?

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For MothersChapter 3
The Reason Why You Cannot Follow Parenting Books
What image of childrearing did you have before you bore a baby? Did you reallyfeel that all other children were adorable? Seeing very wayward young children cry
and disturb others around them when you were still single, you might havethought, “Oh, their mother is a not good mother. I’m sure that I could disciplinethem better if I were their mother.”We cannot say whether we can discipline children well or not until we take care ofchildren in reality. You might find that you cannot discipline them well, although
you had thought you were capable of it. Someone who works as a child-care givermight find that she cannot bring up her own children well, even though she
believed she could. In contrast, someone who does not love children at all mightfind herself able to discipline her own children very well. What makes thisdifference?
Mothers are deprived of their freedom by their children because they are
responsible for them for a long time, twenty-four hours a day for twenty years.
This situation continues even when mothers are sleeping. Mothers are deeply
affected by this, even physiologically. On top of that, children absolutely need theirmothers. The relationship between mothers and children is very tight, and thiscauses strong love, but at the same time, causes strong anger. It is because bothlove and anger come from the same domain; emotion.
In conclusion, even if someone can discipline your children better than you do, that
does not mean that he/she is superior to you. The truth is, he/she has less lovethan you for your children, and therefore he/she can deal with your children withcomposure.
There is another reason why we cannot discipline our children ideally. Ouremotions are swayed by our Beliefs which are hidden inside of our minds. These
Beliefs were formed in our childhood to help us survive, and some of them weremade without our consensus. We will feel strong anger when our children dosomething in a different way than we did in our childhood. For example, you gave
up being cuddled by your mother in your childhood, and your child insists that you
cuddle him/her by crying for that alone. When this happens, you will feel strong
anger at your child.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

9You want to say in your mind:“Give up crying to be cuddled, like I did!”“I was not treated so gently by my mother. Why do I have to treat my child better
than how I was treated?!”
Because mothers are very bound to their children, mothers are likely affected bythese Beliefs. That is why they sometimes have trouble following parenting books.
This program; Fractal Psychology Parenting Course for Mothers focuses on
releasing your Belief and healing your emotions, and then allows you to rear yourchildren without great effort. The goal is to reduce your frustration level to half ofyour current one. When you change yourself, your children will change for the
better automatically.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For MothersChapter 4
Beliefs and Inner Voices Determine Your Parenting
What kind of Beliefs affect your emotions?
Not only in childrearing, but whenever you feel anger, sadness, or loneliness, ourBeliefs are working in the background.
Imagine a scene such as the one below.
Scene 1
Yukiko is a housewife who has a two-year old child. One day, when her husband
came home in the evening, she tried talking to him about how she was exhausted
from childrearing every day, even though he was still changing out of his work
clothes. He, feeling exhausted, frowned and said, "Not now. Let's talk about it later."
She was shocked because he had never said that to her before, and she then felt sadthinking, "How mean! He does not want to listen to me…"

One of her Beliefs is, "He does not grant my desire to talk to him." The reason why
this is merely her belief is because her husband was willing to listen to her after herelaxed, and he even said, "Not now. Let's talk about it later." So, she should have
waited as he said. However, she did not take it that way.
Why did Yukiko think that he would not hear her? It is because she believes that
her husband should always prioritize her. This is her base Belief.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

11Scene 2
Two-year old Yuhta, Yukiko's son, wanted a snack because he was feeling hungry,
but dinner would be ready in thirty minutes. Yukiko, working in her kitchen, said
to him, "Dinner will be ready soon. If you eat something now, you will not be able
to eat dinner. You will have a delicious dinner in a few minutes. So, wait a little."
However, Yuhta did not stop insisting. Yukiko strongly repeated the same words,
and Yuhta began to cry. To him, his mother looked like she was saying, "I never give
you any food!" Yukiko began to feel frustrated, saying in her mind, "I will finish
cooking in a few minutes, but he is so impatient!“

These two scenes are similar. Both Yukiko and Yuhta cannot wait a few minutes forsomeone else to satisfy their desires. They begin to think emotionally that their
desires are not accepted. This is a Belief, not a truth.
When Yukiko’s husband said, “Not now. Let’s talk about it later,” she blamed herhusband, thinking to herself, “How mean! Why don’t you take the time to listen to
my problem right now?” This is the reason why she felt her son blamed her when
he cried while wanting a snack. In her mind, Yuhta seems to be saying, "How mean!
Why don't you take the time to grant my desire right now?" which is exactly thesame as her own reaction to her husband telling her to wait. Projecting her Beliefs
onto others makes childrearing frustrating and difficult for her.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

What if Yukiko did not have this Belief, and she could wait a few minutes to talk to
her husband? She would also not be concerned with Yuhta's crying before dinner.
She could keep her composure and say, "My, my. You cannot wait for dinner. Okay.
Still, wait a little." She could keep cooking without any bad feelings. Amazingly, his
crying would not stir her mind anymore.
Crying is not bad for children. Quite the opposite, it makes them physically strong,
and they will learn patience. When Yukiko finishes her cooking, and says with big
smile, "Here you go! Your dinner is ready! Good boy. You are really patient.
Yummy!" Yuhta's feelings of frustration would change to happiness.
If this example is similar to your case, you will become happier when you
understand how Beliefs affect childrearing!
As you have now learned, the Beliefs you have in your mind are the key todetermining whether childrearing becomes easy or difficult for you.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

13Chapter 5
Beliefs Affect You ForeverIf you analyze Yukiko's Basic Belief that her husband should always prioritize her,
you would find that this Belief does not make sense. However, it is difficult for
Yukiko to find it irrational because whenever she follows this Belief, her emotions
react.
How and when were the Basic Beliefs created? These Basic Briefs were created
when we were children or babies. This means that Yukiko had made her Belief
toward her mother when she was a child. She believed her mother should havealways prioritized her. This is a Common Belief among children. Because she still
had this Belief, she had been requiring the same thing unconsciously from her
husband instead of her mother.
The following are more examples of Children's Common Beliefs.

Examples of Children's Common Beliefs
1. Basic Beliefs
・Mother should do whatever I want immediately.
・Mother should carry me whenever I feel tired from walking.
・Mother should understand my feelings even though I do not express them withmy words.
・Mother should cook only my favorites.
・Mother should look back at me whenever I call her name.
・Mother should always smile at me, even if I do something wrong.
・Mother should do everything perfectly.
・Mother should always cherish me.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers2. Beliefs related to emotion
・Mother should do whatever I want immediately, but she did not do it. I was
ignored.
・Mother should carry me whenever I feel tired from walking, but she did not do it.
I was refused.
・Mother should understand my feelings even though I do not express them withmy words, but she did not do it. I was abandoned.
・Mother should cook only my favorites, but she did not do it. I was a low priority.
・Mother should look back at me whenever I call her, but she did not do it. I was
not given her attention.
・Mother should always smile at me, even if I do something wrong, but she did not
do it. I was not loved.
・Mother should do everything perfectly, but she did not do it. I was not treatedwell.
・Mother should always cherish me, but she did not do it. I was not important.

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15

Once the Beliefs related to emotion were created, what will happen next? After
scene 1, Yukiko might think, "I will not talk about Yuhta to my husband as long as
he treats me like this…" In scene 2, Yuta might think, "I will not eat your cooking as
long as you treat me like this…" And then, he might eat only what he likes.
As you see, we make some Decisions after we created Beliefs.

Examples of Decisions
・I do not talk to Mother anymore.
・I do not eat Mother's cooking anymore.
・I do not smile at her anymore.
・I always frown at her.
・I never make an effort.
・I never finish anything.

It seems strange to create a Decision that says, "I do not eat Mother's cooking
anymore," after having felt hungry, but we still do it. Of course, we do not always
follow the Decisions which we created, but they are hidden in our deep minds, andsometimes they come up out even though a long time has passed since they werecreated.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

Go back to Scene 1. What will Yukiko do when her husband said he was ready tolisten? If she is still angry and she does not try to talk to her husband, her behavior
would be inappropriate. In this case, she probably has re-created the Decision, "I
do not talk to Mother anymore," from her childhood, in a similar scene as scene 1.
The creation of this decision was triggered by scene 1, and it begins to affectYukiko immediately.
Now we can imagine that Yukiko in her childhood could not wait even for a few
minutes. After some analysis, we can see that Yuhta's impatience resembles his
mother's. Like Yukiko, we have all created some Decisions based on Beliefs in our
minds. Some of them are dormant, but some begin to work. Those Decisions are
not always bad. For example, if you had created the Decision, "I do not talk to
Mother anymore," you would have become a quiet girl. If not, you might have beena very talkative girl and might have disturbed others. If you continued thisbehavior even after you became an adult, you might have disturbed others in yourwork place. Needless to say, this is not good for you. So, the experience in which
you created the Decision was valuable for you.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

17Chapter 6
The Child Mind’s Role in Anger
The Decisions based on Beliefs are not always bad. As I said in Chapter 5, if you
decided not to talk, you would become a quiet girl. If you proactively chose not totalk while understanding its benefit, you would feel better off.
If Yuhta could understand what his mother was saying and could wait for dinnerquietly, Yukiko would be very happy. If Yukiko had decided to wait in a similar
situation in her childhood, she would not have any trouble in scene 1 with her
husband. She could say in scene 1 without any negative feelings, "I'm sorry to
disturb you right after you came home. We can talk later."

We usually communicate in this way among our friends. However, we sometimes
feel difficulty when communicating in this way towards our mother or our
husband. We feel badly when we are not prioritized. Why cannot we communicate
with our mother or husband the same way we communicate with our friends?

A = Adult mind
C = Child mind
Passing through without noticing
Ages 7 to 27

Access to child mind
Ages 0 to 6

Ages 0 to 6

Mind of mother

Mind of son/daughter

Take a look at the figure above. Our minds were very small when we were children,
as you can see in the figure. In contrast, the minds of mothers are very large.
Mothers have two types of minds. When a mother takes care of her child, she isusing her Adult Mind. However, a child does not have his/her Adult Mind yet, so
he/she cannot understand his/her mother's Adult Mind. When the motheremotionally yells at her child, she is using her Child Mind. This part of the mind is
the same as the mind of her child. Because of this, the child can understand directlythat his/her mother is angry.
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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

In the beginning, mothers try to lightly scold their children while maintaining theircomposure. The mothers are using their Adult Minds, but their children cannot
understand them, so the children ignore them. This triggers the mothers' Beliefs
such as, "I'm not accepted," or "I'm ignored," in their Child Minds, and they become
emotional. Eventually, light scolding becomes loud emotional yelling. The children
can understand after their mothers begin to yell at them, and they believe, "Mothersuddenly yelled at me without any reason!" "She is displacing her anger unjustly onme!" "She is stupid and I was abused."
When you want to talk to your husband, your Child Mind wants to talk with him,
not your Adult Mind. Your Child Mind assumes that he is your mother. Needless tosay, he is not your mother. His Child Mind responds by saying, "Leave me alone fora while!" He might shout at you, and then you will be hurt. The emotions you feel inthis situation are because you are using your Child Mind instead of your Adult
Mind.
As we can see, you are using your Child Mind when you argue with anger. Afterregaining your composure, you might regret what happened and say, "Sorry, I wenta bit too far". Now you are using your Adult Mind. If you can quickly change fromusing your Child Mind to using your Adult Mind, your relationships will go well. If
negative feelings continue toward your partner, it means your Child Mind iscontrolling your life too much. You are projecting your partner into the role of yourparent.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

19Chapter 7
The Relationship Between You and Your Mother is the Key
The reason why you become emotional in childrearing, and the reason why you
cannot follow the instructions of books, is because of the Beliefs and Decisions inyour childhood. This also implies that if you can change your Beliefs flexibly, theprobability that you will become emotional will be reduced by more than half, andyou will be able to enjoy childrearing.
If you review your Beliefs about your mother, heal your Child Mind well, andchange how to perceive your Beliefs, your childrearing will change astonishingly.
Not only for childrearing, but for the relationships with others (e.g. parents-in-law,
your husband, other mothers), this process will reduce your stress by more thanhalf.
Go back to Yukiko in scene 1 from chapter 4. Although Yukiko’s mother is not inscene 1, she still has great influence on Yukiko’s Beliefs and Decisions. At the timeof the scene, Yukiko is twenty-seven years old, and Yukiko’s mother is fifty-two
years old. When Yukiko’s mother was twenty-five years old, she gave birth to
Yukiko. When Yukiko was a little baby, her mind was very small. Thus, she
misconceived that her mother should have perfectly and immediately cared for her.
However, you will find that Yukiko's mother at that time was not very different
from the present Yukiko. No one can be a super mother, nor a professional mother.

If you think about this logically, then it is quite obvious that there are no super or
professional mothers. However, our minds cannot accept this easily when we thinkof it as our own issue. This is because we use our Child Minds automaticallywhenever we think about our mothers. So, we need to switch our Child Minds
consciously to our Adult Minds.
(e.g. Maybe someone who lives now in California suddenly begins to speak with a
New York accent while speaking with her mother on the phone. She lived in New
York in her childhood. Whenever we focus on someone or something we learned inour childhood, we use our Child Minds.)

In scene 2, the impatience of Yuhta is similar to impatience of Yukiko in scene 1.
Because they are in parent-child relationship, this is natural. However, adult Yukiko
believes she is an adult, so she fails to recognize her Child Mind and misunderstood
past situations with her mother. She will say, "I was a good child who could wait,
but my child cannot," and "I waited as Mother requested, but Mother vented her
own irritation on me and yelled at me!"20

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

I assume you, as readers, can recognize that Yukiko’s perception is obviously
wrong. If her perception was correct, then there would be no doubt that she would
be able to wait for her husband to become relaxed, now that she is an adult.
Like Yukiko, you also may have misunderstood many past situations with yourmother. In our childhood, our minds had a small capacity and we mistook manythings. Thus, we created Beliefs such as, "My mother yelled at me without any
reason!" and developed a deep and secret grudge. Although we loved our mothersin our childhood, and still love them, we still harbor this deep grudge in our minds.

Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

21Chapter 8
Traumas Are Useful in One Sense
When you were a child, you believed that your mother should have always takencare of you. However, because she did not always take care of you, youmisunderstood and felt that she did not take care of you well. This is one of yourBeliefs. You became hurt and created a deep grudge towards your mother.
Everyone creates this kind of grudge in their process of development.
There is no doubt that you were very sad when you created the Belief that you
were hurt by your mother. This heart-broken feeling is called a "trauma." What did
you do after you created traumas when you believed that you were not cared for byyour mother?
Example 1
When you believed, "I was ignored. Mom does not do anything I need!"→ You might have thought, "Fine. I will do everything by myself! Are you happy
now?"
Example 2
When you believed, "I was abandoned. Mom left me alone…"→ You might have thought, "I am shocked. I will have to live on my own…“As you can see, you can learn something through traumas! In the two examples
above, the traumas would help you become more independent, so the result would
be very good for you. Everyone has traumas, and those traumas have also a positiveside, which is very useful to improve people's traits as their personalities develop.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For MothersChapter 9
Find Your Original Self
You might wonder if we could improve our immature traits without traumas. If
your mother told you very softly with gentle words about how you should behave,you might have been able to learn without trauma. Would that have been possible?
Unfortunately, that would not have been possible. Why?
It is not possible because traumas are created when we do not relinquish basic
Beliefs such as "Mothers should take care of us forever." As you grow older, yourmother begins to tell you to do some things by yourself. She will say, "Do it alone."
Even though your mother uses gentle words in her request, you refuse to do it,
because you do not relinquish your Belief that "Mothers should take care of us
forever," which includes her doing everything for you. Your mother does not stop
saying, "Do it alone," because making you do something alone is important training
for your growth. This conflict grows, and your Belief that your Mother should takecare of you and do everything for you forever, and her request for you to dosomething alone, creates a trauma.
Imagine a three-year-old girl was told by her mother to change clothes alone forthe first time in her life. She might be upset at first and say to her mother, "Gee! Am
I supposed to do it alone?! You are the one who is supposed to do it, aren't you?"
Yet if she will follow her mother's request, she will not create any trauma. However,
because of her laziness or self-centered nature, she might resist and say "Oh, no!
Why do I have to do it? It's your job! Do it for me!" In this case, her mother has torepeat her instructions. The child also might repeat saying, "No!" Eventually, hermother will yell at her, saying, "I told you to change your clothes many times! Do it
without talking back!“
Furthermore, her mother might be taking care of younger siblings also. In this case,the child will misunderstand that her mother likes her younger siblings more thanher. She will say, "Mom loves my little sisters, but does not love me anymore. This is
why she does not take care of me. Mom does not do anything for me!" Her motherbecomes hurt after hearing this, and might become upset or angry and slap her.
Therefore, the child creates a trauma.
Considering this situation, we can say that if you have many traumas with yourmother, it means that you resisted often against your mother's instructions. In
other words, you might have been lazy and obsessed with having your mother takecare of you. You might have been a stubborn child and completely refused to do
anything your mother told you to do.
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Needless to say, you are now an adult. You can do what you should do. This is a
result of training yourself in your childhood to reduce your laziness. If your mother
did not make the effort to train you, you would still have many things that you
could not do. As children, we all had the original traits of laziness, selfcenteredness, and stubbornness, and training helps us overcome those traits. If you
believe that your mother caused any traumas in your childhood, then you should
admit that originally you were a very lazy, self-centered, and stubborn child, andthose negative traits hurt your mother.

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For MothersChapter 10
Have Positive Images of Your Children
You, as a mother, are very busy every day. You stay alert to protect the safety ofyour children. You might have the following thoughts in your mind:"My baby always comes and clings to me when I am in the kitchen. I'm afraid that
she might burn herself.""My son often attacks others. I'm afraid that he might become a delinquent.""My daughter goes out alone. I'm afraid that she might be hit by a car, or someother bad thing might happen.""I'm afraid that my son might be subject to bullying.""I'm afraid that my children might catch some bad disease.""I'm afraid that my children cannot keep up with their classes."

It is very important to think of your children in this way, because you are theirmother. However, if you have had these images in your head for a long time, youwill produce poison in your mind. Then, you will think that these images will
someday become reality. This notion will threaten you gradually, and you will feelstress as a result. This will make your childrearing difficult. Next, you will startyelling strongly when you give instructions to your children.

"I said to you not to cling to me when I'm in the kitchen!""Why do you do only what you must not do?!""I said to you not to go out, or you might be hit by a car!""I said to you not to hang out with bad kids!""I said to you to wash your hands every time after using the toilet!"

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Furthermore, you might start to threaten your children in order to make them obey.

"You will become ill if you keep doing that!""You will be kidnapped by someone malicious!""You will be injured if you keep doing that!""You will fail out of your class if you keep hanging out like this!"

You might say similar things not only to your children, but also to your husband or
parents.
If your child came home being injured, you might say, "Look at you! I told you thatwould happen!" If you look into your deep mind, you will find that you would be
feeling triumphant because you predicted the outcome with your instincts. You do
not intend for your son to become injured, but you will understand that thoseimages and words act like curses to others.
When you become aware of a curse in your mind against someone, you must stop
thinking about that negative image and create a positive image for him/her instead.

Examples"My daughter goes out alone. I'm afraid that she might be hit by a car or someother bad thing might happen."→ "She is okay. She will be back home safely!""I'm afraid that my son might be subject to bullying."→ "He is okay. He will have a lot of friends in his class!"

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Fractal Psychology Parenting Course For Mothers

"I'm afraid that my children might catch some bad disease."→ "They are okay. They can protect themselves from disease!""I'm afraid that my children cannot keep up with their classes."→ "They are okay. They will study well and get good grades!"You do not need to think about how to achieve these results. Just create positive
thoughts and keep positive images for your children!

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