<figure><img src="image_1.png" /></figure>

Eckler, Rebecca. (2019). **Blissfully Blended Bullshit: The Uncomfortable Truth of Blending Families**. Toronto: Dundurn Press.

Reviewed by: Jakub Tompalski, MacEwan University

Rebecca Eckler's book, "Blissfully Blended Bullshit," is a biography of her experience of creating a blended family where her new boyfriend, along with his two daughters, moves into the home she currently lives in with her daughter Rowan. Eckler does not rely on statistics, nor any scientific data related to blended families to convey what life is like in such a situation. Instead, she relies on her experience to convey what could occur in such a relationship. The author's perspective, along with advice Eckler receives from friends, is used to convey how at the beginning, things may seem perfect in a blended family, but over time things are not exactly how they seem. The further they get into the relationship, the more she realizes that things are not as perfect as they seem. Her realization that love is not equal, along with issues involving finances, and finally realizing that people change when a relationship ends, and things are not going as well as they believed. The book is organized ideally to showcase the different points in their relationship and the effects that it has on her.

Eckler describes that at the beginning of their relationship, they did not prepare any rules or financial responsibilities because they "are so in love, none of that seems to matter" (p. 29).

Everything felt right in the author's mind, and they had all spent time together, so the possible
complications did not matter. She claims, "it just seems dumb not to take the logical next step at our age: sharing real estate" (p. 31). They all spent time together, including the boyfriend visiting her and her daughter, along with them visiting the boyfriend's household. They also have a baby together to unite further and blend their families. Their relationship was, as the author described, "all blended and perfect!" (p. 63) and blending their families was "both surprisingly and fortunately not bad at all" (p. 63).

A critical issue in a blended family is that not everyone is loved or treated equally. Eckler learned that fact soon after the two families blended. During a visit with her boyfriend's family, Eckler converses with his mother about grandchildren, and she states, "It's not the same when they're not your own" (p. 74). As Eckler learns on multiple occasions, individuals are loved differently when they are not their own. One of the first arguments between Eckler and her boyfriend is that she did not say hi/bye to his children, yet the boyfriend has issues whenever Eckler's daughter Rowan comes to say goodnight in their bedroom multiple times. Neither side of the family ever asks about the other as well. Rowan's grandparents never asked about the boyfriends' daughters, and at times they even stated they only have five grandchildren when the amount would have been seven if they considered step-daughters. Throughout the relationship, the boyfriend cooks special three-course meals only whenever his daughters stay at Eckler's home. Furthermore, throughout the relationship, Eckler goes on vacation trips with only her daughter to spend mother-with-daughter time. Whenever planning those trips, they do not invite the other members of the blended family nor even consider including them. Arguments also occur over family members choosing favourites in their screensavers; when Eckler usually has a screensaver
of her first daughter Rowan, while the boyfriend has a picture of his daughters and their new son, but without including Eckler and Rowan within the picture. These issues continue throughout the years of their relationship. During Mother's Day, neither of the boyfriend's daughters sent Eckler a Mother's Day card, even though she has been helping take care of them for years now. Once the eldest daughter is old enough for prom, she does not listen to Eckler's suggestion on a dress and does not invite Eckler to the grad. Instead, she listens to her biological mother's opinion. Throughout the experience, it is made clear that people aren't treated equally, nor are they loved equally when their families are blended. They will always treat their original families differently and have a different form of love towards them.

Eckler and her boyfriend have issues relating to their finances throughout their relationship that cause a strain between them. Initially, they agreed that the boyfriend covered necessities such as groceries. In contrast, Eckler would cover the more expensive costs like property taxes and weekly gardening because he could not live in the area. The financial situation continues throughout their whole relationship. During that time, the boyfriend still makes expensive purchases on himself and still competes in poker games even though Eckler is covering most of the expenses. When an expensive item breaks, such as a furnace, he still expects her to pay for it fully "since it's not his house" (p. 151). To further frustrate Eckler, the boyfriend still talks about expensive items such as cars and houses, even though she believes "he should be happy where we are" (p. 152). Throughout all this, he also never thanks Eckler for her contributions which further causes further issues within their relationship and makes her believe that "He is happy the money is there but seems to give no fucks where it comes from" (p. 152). Throughout the book, such
monetary issues continue to arise, putting a wedge in their relationship. The more often it occurs, the longer it occurs; it slowly contributes to the unblending of their blended family.

Once the relationship and the blending end, those in a blended relationship realize what the other person is truly like. Eckler states that "there are no truer words than "You don't know how a person until you divorce them." (p. 249). Once their relationship ended and their blended family was separated, things changed completely. When leaving, the boyfriend did not react to Eckler's daughter crying, even though they knew and were family for a large portion of time. Furthermore, he suddenly had the monetary funds to support himself and live a luxurious lifestyle in his new home. His new financial gains did not stop him from asking her to return things he believed belonged to him. Some of the items he believed were his included some that Eckler purchased. Their relationship also changed; it went from "being romantic to strictly professional. It's not an even remotely comfortable kind of relationship" (p. 257). As Eckler explains, he started sending her spreadsheets containing items he believed were his and that "he's willing to leave me "for a price." (p. 257). The prices of the items included their HST as well. As her friend's stated, "He's always been a taker," and none of them were surprised that they would end up separating due to that and her being unhappy for years. Even though someone may believe they may know the other person early on, it is not until things are over what they were truly like during the relationship and what their true colors are when things end.

Eckler aims to give others an understanding of what can occur when a family blends to better prepare them for the hardships and benefits of such a relationship. Although, this writing can be used to explore and understand the psychology of an individual in a blended family. The
ability to understand the individual's thoughts is because the author explains their feelings and thoughts thoroughly throughout the whole process. Furthermore, this writing would interest those who wish to understand why blended families either succeed or fail. The book would greatly benefit those in psychology, family law, sociology, counselling, and women's studies. Although the author expresses significant amounts of information regarding their emotions, allowing readers to get a proper perspective of someone in such a relationship, some may be deterred by the casual/personal tone within the reading. I found "Blissfully Blended Bullshit" to be an enticing read that's easy to follow and gives you an emotional/intellectual understanding of what being in a blended family could be like. I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about blended families in an unfiltered manner.