# Revolver

Samuel Trainor

► To cite this version:

Samuel Trainor. Revolver. Moira Burgess; Janet Paisley. Going up Ben Nevis in a Bubble Car, 18, Association for Scottish Literary Studies, pp.118-122, 2001, New Writing Scotland, 978-0-948877-43-8. hal-01465213

HAL Id: hal-01465213

https://hal.univ-lille.fr/hal-01465213

Submitted on 27 Apr 2023

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Sam Trainor

REVOLVER

At thiyend o th day thiyole thing wz all just about startin
owva. There wz nuthin forit, woz th. Shid just aff t puddidall
biyoind her n geddon with livin outa loif. Theyad no roight
tuwuv left her loik this that way. Th twofaced bastuds.
Evrywonud screwd her owva. Turna. Th solisituz. Th Press.
Evrythin wz black n whoit t them. Evrybudy tht shid went to
when she needid elp'd just change jsoids loik thad overnoit.
Thed ad er backwoods and forwoods t Jamayca loik a bleedin
pingpong ball; n then thed dropt her roight between th devil n
th deep blue sea withoud a word. So Eleanor wz just another
case these days. The Eleanor O Neale case. It wz all she could
do t troy and show that she wz really human. Make a change.
Shid have t stick idall behoind her n geddon withit.

Eleanor O Neale'd pud herself about, thats what thi sed;
an it wz all too bloody obvious. *All mouth and no knickuz* as
her mom would say - though *she* wz nobudy t tork - or wz it
*all knickuz and no mouth*. That wz a nasty little turn of phrase
that now she came t think aboud it, really nasty. Though her
mom wz roight uz far uz anywon could tell though. Eleanor
could probly say shid slep with evry pistup blowk who'd eva
pistup th back o th Traf on a Froiday noit, and they could
definitely all say thed slep with her. There wz no two waysuv
lookin addit when ya looktadit loik that.

Eleanor'd yoosta rattle on loik there wz no tomorra. Back
when th woulduv bin thadiz. Shid come out with more little
catchphrases than you could shake a stick at; she made a point
uvit, loik they wzgowin ouda fashn. It wz loik shid come up
with th phrase *to doin out on somethin n* wz gunna do just
that withit until th cows came owm if it killda. And she sed she
ad this penpal in Rowm (loik she eva rowt) - sometoims it wz
Idaho, she alwiz loik th sownd of Idaho, it sortuv rowld off th
tung so t speak - n this wummn could literally talk thiyoind
legs offa donkey. Eleanor towld stranjuz this in boozas, loik a
drunk Irishman lets ya sniffiz whiskey t see its mowstly water.
Sumthin loik thad anyway. But now she wuznt sayin nuthin.
She couldnt. She wz still. Not wantin t disturb.

When she got back owm shid buy erself a little owse in
Water Orton - somewhere noice loik that. She ad sum money

from th deal with Th Mirror leftowva. Shid gederself a whole
lowda soffurnishins stuff from th catalog. You could phown
owt these days. No need t go t town t go t town. Shid gedda
loada rugs n throws n stuff. And shid buy one eachuv evry
sortuv bedlinin: them beautiful old teardrop sortuv patterns
that her cuzn Suzn ad. Shid make herself a little cowsy little
den where she could just curlup and doi. Forgotten. Hopefully
forgotn anyway. N the bedlinin wz importnt. Fresh sheets evry
day. Ispeshly when shiyad her period. If she still godda period
when it wz worse. God that wz scary. Ass th doctor that.
Moinjoo, she probly didnav two bleedin ormowns t rub tgetha
azitwoz. Buddeevn so, shid put fresh sheets on evry mornin n
just go back t bed n hoid.

N that poor owl cow'd bin hiddn away erself thiyowl toim
they wzgowin out uzwell. Howuz Eleanor supposta know tht
shid be owldup in th lowcl ospitul? Turna neva sed a thing. She
knew he ad a woif though obviusly. He neva spowk abouda,
not in English anyway, but lookin back adit he did ave this
attitude loik sumwon troyin tuwiscape frum sumthin. He wz
obviusly livin owt sum koinduv naughty little fantasy, th bas-
tud. But she loikt that; so wz she. She yoosta pretend tht he wz
on th run n she wz loik this moll in a sexy little oidaway. Loik
Nancy in Oliva. Th tart witha hart... She couldnuv imagined.

She wz really poorly too. All that toim, all through that
unbelievable toim - it made her feel sick t think aboudit. That
wummn loyin ona back, skinnyuza rake, all yellowun
livaspotid loik cullud people go when thi get really owld -
though thi usually age betta thn uz though dont they - budit wz
jus disgustin. She neva met th wummn obviusly - what wuz
she? Sum sorduva sadist? - but she could just pictura loyin in
this big metal bed loik a cage, mowldin away inter th stiff
whoit sheets. She knew tht she should feel sorry furra really.
But how? Not just yet. She musnt. Th wummn wz loik n owld
infectid plasta, she wz loik a peach thats rottn n sloimy
undaneaf whenya pickidup. She wz fuckin voil.

And th sex, t think aboudit now - standin in the same owld
otel room with a fuckin revolver n a leperdskin ambag loik sum
sortuv trajic lowcal tart - it made th blood rush tuwa face loik
she wz bare n up at altitude. And it wz dirty blood uzwell tht
made her gowall red - she knew it woz - when she thought
about th sex with th man in th bed in frontuva. It wz loik th
water in that jar ya washed ya brushiz in ut infant school. But
there wz a sortuva horrabul exoitmnt to thiyowl thing. Shid alwiz secretly smoild furra secnd ut th soituv animulz in Africa bein ript owpn n eatn aloiv frum thiyinsoid out boy big cats or whatever on th telly. It mayda shiver all owva. N Turna wz loik a big loyun now, asleep on th ded grass, or a snow leperd in them whoit sheets maybe. N t thinkabout th sex now, it wz seedy n it wz dirty. Evrythin wz rowspetulz n red woin n candleloit yknow n losin yaself init ut th start. But now she could feel th burn o th polyster sheets again n th wayvy candlewick imprint inna bum. N she could still see th shameless cheek uv Turna puttin th face o th Virgin Mary t th wall that noit. Fuck me. That wz Turner all owva.

He mustuv dunnit delibrutly. He knew thiyowl toim unnie neva sed a fuckin thing. He never even wonce lookt justa little bid upset. He just went kinda red n horny - not th sameuz when a whoit person gz red, its more loik a darka, bluer koinduva brown - budit wz th same rushuv blood tuwiz face n iz neck uz she could feel now, hot n throttlina in thiyowtel room. N shid lettim duwit. Th big bamboo.

She wd probly neva hava nippa woodshe.

Eleanor owpund her new leperdskin hambag. It wz fake though obviusly, she didn't really loik thiyoidiyaruv killin animulz. But she couldnt givup eatin meat: she loikt baycn too much. Thi sed th smell afta th pub bomins wz loik baycn tho. That wz inuff t put them foymrn off eatin meat furreva. She gotta sigarets out n pincht unutha shaky won outuv th pack. She litit, leavin th bag unclaspt n lookin ut th tishoos in her purse witherowld weddin ring stillin th pikchaflap, troyin tuwignor th revolver.

It wz easy inuff t gedowld ov. Too easy. Her brotha knew a blowk who knew a blowk n that wz that. Hid troid t sella battryasid. It wz what th wimmin yoozd on eachuvva roundeya, it wz grewsum. But she wz gunna killa man, n th goy wz appy t get th munny f th gun th trooth bi known. Shid made shewer it wz lowdid adntshe. Hid showd herow t push th round bit out n spin it round. She browk a nayul duwinit. Hid lafftata n shid sed - Om th won witha gun yknow. Hid shudup then n took th munny offa. Knew what wz good furrim. Eleanor clawd th twenytwo revolver toiter n tuchta fingerprint on th trigga delibrutly.

God Turna lookt so bloody beautiful ut thiyend o th little
barrel. His face wz all still n sweet n loik a babbys. His stupid

tung powkin out; his bitsuv hair all stickinup n stickin t th
pillow wi th swet n gunk n stuff. Just loik a babby. So innosunt.
The bastud.

She couldnt neva do a thing loik that.

She pincht th fagend even toita between th top two finguz-
uva leftand.

A soun flasht distuntly betweener ears.

What wz that?

Delibrutly, she exhayuld cliyurair; sucktin bluegrey smowk;
stopta twichin lungs furra secund, still owldin th revolver.

Howldin th revolver still furra secund, t stoppa lungs twichin,
she sucktin smowk, bluegrey, n exhayuld cliyurair delibrutly.

What wz that?

A soun flasht distuntly betweener ears. She pincht th fagend
even toita. She couldnt neva do a thing loik that. So innosunt.
Just loik a babby. His bitsuv hair all stickin t th pillow wi th
swet n gunk n stuff. God Turna lookt so beautiful. Knew what
wz good furrim. Push th round bidout n spinit round. Made
shewer it wz lowdid adntshe. Battryasid. Grewsum. It wz what
th wimmin yoozd. Her brotha knewa blowk who knewa blowk
n that wz that. Owld weddin ring stillin the pikchaflap. Thi sed
th smell afta th pub bomins wz loik baycn. She didn't really loik
thiyoidearuv killin animulz. She wd probably never hava nippa
would she. Big bamboo. It wz th same rushuv blood tuwiz face
n his neck uz she could feel now hot n throttlina. Loik a darka
bluer koinduva brown. He neva sed a fuckin thing. Delibrutly.
That wz Turner all owva. Fuck me. Puttin th face o th Virgin
Mary t th wall. She could feel th burn o th polyester sheets agen
n th wayvy candlewick imprint inna bum. Everythin wz losin
yourself init ut th start. Turna wz a snow leperd. It mayda
shiverallowva. Shid alwiz secretly smoild ut animulz bein rippt
owpun n eaten aloiv frum thiyinsoid out. T think about th sex.
It wz loik th water in that jar ya wosht ya brushiz in ut infant
school. Dirty blood tht made her goowall red - she knew it woz
- when she thordabout th sex wi th man in th bed in fruntuva.
Loik she wz bare n up at altitude. Standin in th same owld otel
room with a fuckin revolver n a leperdskin ambag loik sum
sortuv trajic lowcul tart. She wz fuckin voil. Loik a peach thutz
rottn n sloimy underneath wen ya pickidup. Pikchera loyin in
this big metal bed loik a cage, mouldin away into th stiff whoit
sheets. It wz just disgustin. Loyinonna back, skinnyuza rake, all
yellowwun livaspotid loik cullerd people go when thi get really
owld. It made her feel sick t think aboudit. All that toim. N she
wz really poorly too. She couldnuv imagined. She yoosta
pretend tht he wz on the run. Obviyusly livin out sum sortuv
naughty little fantasy. How wz she suppowsta know? Shid put
fresh sheets on evry mornin. If she still got a period. Shid make
herself a little cowsy little den where she could just curl up n
doi. No need t go t town t go t town. Shid buy herself a little
owse in Water Orton when she got bakowm. She woznt sayin
nothin. Eleanor'd yoosta rattlon loik there wz no tmorra. There
wz no two wayzuv lookinadit when ya looktadit loik that. Uz
far uz anywon could tell, evry pistup blowk ood eva pistup th
back o th Traf could definutly say shid slep withim. *All mouth
and no knickuz* uz her mom would say – tho she wz nowbdy t
tork. N it wz all too obviyus. Eleanor O Neal'd puderself
about. She would hafta stickidall behoinder n gedon withit.
Make a change. It wz all she could do t troy n show tht she wz
really human. The Eleanor O Neale case. So Eleanor wz just
anutha case these days. Thed ad her backwoods n forwoods t
Jamayca loika bleedin pingpong ball; n then thed dropta roight
between th devil n th deep blue sea without a word. Evrybody
tht shid went to when she needid elp'd just changed soids loik
that overnight. Evrything wz black n whoit t them. Th Press.
Th solisituz. Turna. Evrywun'd screwd her owva. Th twofaced
Bastuds. Theyad no roit tuwuv lefta this way loik that. She just
had t pudidall behoinda n gedon with livin outa loif. There wz
nuthin forit, woz th. At thiyend o th day thiyowl thing wz all
just about startin owva.