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Wills, Jenny Heijun. (2019). Older Sister: Not Necessarily Related.
Toronto: McClelland & Stewart.

Reviewed by: Hailey Smith, MacEwan University

“Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related” is a profoundly introspective memoir written by Jenny Heijun Wills, a Korean-born adoptee raised by a white Canadian family. The book details Wills’ life story as she navigates a reunion with her birth mother and other Korean family members. Wills covers several complex themes including identity, cultural displacement, familial relationships, and the ethical questions surrounding adoption. This memoir reads almost like a diary, with Wills delving deep within her consciousness to write about her experiences with pure, unfiltered emotion and honesty. This stream-of consciousness style of writing is rich with metaphors and often poetic. It allows readers to experience Wills’ life story in a deeply personal way. The book is organized into three parts, loosely following three significant stages in Will’s relationships with her Korean family. Firstly, their reunion, followed by their falling out and lastly, their reconciliation. The text in this book is interspersed with letters from the author to her older and younger sisters, allowing us an even deeper understanding of her emotions and experiences.

One of the first key themes to emerge in Wills' memoir is identity (or lack thereof). A Korean woman raised in Canada by a white family without any connection to her country of origin, Wills struggles to form an identity for herself. Even after reconnecting with her Korean family,
she has a hard time finding a sense of belonging within their culture. “My Canadian mother asked me one night, *where do you want to be buried?* She meant, do I want to be buried in Korea? Sent back after all this time? When she asked me that, I realized my body doesn’t belong to any place. And it doesn’t belong *in* any place.” (p. 233). Wills reflects on feeling lost in a sort of purgatory between two sides of herself: the Canadian and the Korean. She explores this theme further through other adoptees with similar experiences – detailing her time at an adoptee boarding house in Seoul.

> On one wall in the common living area, clocks were set to different time zones reflecting the locations where many of us had been raised. What was likely offered simply as a practical way to navigate the various and vast distances we’d travelled to come home was also a devastating reminder of how disconnected we all were. From each other, from Korea, and maybe also from our adoptive lands (p.18).

Through these reflections, the book raises existential questions about how adoption and cultural displacement can affect one’s identity and the way one connects with others.

Within her memoir, Wills tells the story of her rape while staying at an adoptee guest house in Seoul. Her recounting of the assault is visceral and deeply painful to read. Although only a small sequence of the book is spent on this topic, the effects of the author’s rape creep their way into the narrative for the remainder of the memoir, and the vulnerability of women, specifically Asian women, emerges as an essential theme. Wills also uses the story of her assault as a way to talk about the pain and isolation felt by other adoptees.

> In that adoptee guest house we were supposed to come together as imagined family and pray. But if I am like your sister and you are like my brother, then why were you using my body, my dignity, to express your anger over the country and culture that cut us both loose decades ago? Why did my body have to be the place where you dug for comfort? What did you find inside me where I live? Peace? Relief? The frozen, dead centre of a mother who, rumor has it, left you at a train station when you were three? The hollow bones of a magpie stripped of its black and blue feathers, crushed to powder under the weight of it all? (p. 63).

In this quote, Wills connects her own trauma to a larger cultural narrative, inviting readers to
consider how societal views of Asian women can shape their experiences and self-worth.

Language is another central focus of this book, as it covers Wills' ongoing struggle to communicate with her birth family due to the language barrier between them. This barrier exacerbates the distance between Wills and her Korean family, serving as a reminder that they are and will always be disconnected in some way. Wills being the only one in her family unable to communicate effectively only worsens her feelings of isolation from her Korean family.

> We described the same things to our helpless husbands, one in Korean, the other in French. Language was a fence we could use to keep each other out. We had privacy even though we were crammed into the back seat of a sedan. I felt petty, knowing my words would remind my sister that, no matter how hard she studied English, there was always a way to keep her at a distance. (p. 213).

This quote displays how language is seen as an obstacle; it acts as a roadblock to the connection between her family and herself.

Perhaps the central theme of this book is its inquiry into the ethics of transnational adoption. Although never providing us with a clear-cut perspective on the issue, Wills suggests that adoption is a complex process that often has damaging psychological effects on both adoptees and parents. By sharing her life story, Wills encourages readers to consider whether adoption practices prioritize the well-being of the child or the desires of the adoptive parents and the adoption industry itself. Interestingly, the book takes a close look into the role of adoption agencies, exposing their hypocrisy and transactional nature. "But those adoption agencies, they feed on sentiment, get off on the spectacle of reunion, even though they are perpetrators of our conditions in the first place. Maybe *perpetrators* isn't the right word. How about *profiteers*?". (p.10). Through her writing, Wills invites us to rethink the ethics of adoption, with an emphasis on the effects it can have on adoptees.
The academic audience of this book includes any post-secondary student interested in Korean culture and identity, as well as anyone studying adoption or cultural displacement. Sociology and Psychology students may also find this book helpful, as Wills explores topics such as family relationships, gender roles, and cultural differences. Wills' writing has a highly personal nature and provides insight into the psychological effects of transnational adoption. I also think that the book could be useful for students studying creative writing, as it has a unique narrative style and bends the traditional structure of a memoir in a compelling way.

This memoir was gripping, intense, personal and richly detailed. Reading this, it felt as though Wills had cracked herself open and allowed readers to take a look inside. Her writing is so personal that I almost felt uncomfortable reading it, but that's part of the reason it was impossible to put down. Wills' storytelling will pull you in so close that you feel personally connected to her experiences. It allowed me to think more deeply about my own familial relationships and reflect on how they have shaped my identity. Her point of view is somehow both unique and highly relatable. I found this book to be crushing, beautiful and deeply impactful. I enjoyed the journal-like writing style used, though in the latter half of this book, the writing becomes increasingly poetic and less and less linear in its timeline. At times, I found it confusing, but not so much that it distracted me from the overall effect of the book. The fragmented and non-linear nature of her writing reflects the scattered nature of her identity, showing how she tries to piece herself together after feeling torn apart time and again.

This book was intended to provide readers with a complex and comprehensive perspective on transnational adoption and encourage us to evaluate our own views on this topic. I think it
accomplished that by refusing to spoon-feed readers a clear stance on the topics discussed. Heijun
Wills' memoir was captivating, and I would recommend it to anyone looking for a deeper
understanding of family dynamics, identity, or culture.