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Eckler, Rebecca. (2019). **Blissfully Blended Bullshit: The Uncomfortable Truth of Blending Families.** Toronto: Dundurn Press.

Reviewed by: Samu Ndhlovu, MacEwan University

Rebecca Eckler’s autobiography, “Blissfully Blended Bullshit”, is an in-depth recount of her experiences navigating her blended family. This book reflects upon the difficulties that can arise when one attempts to blend their family with another that may not be apparent without experiencing it first-hand. Throughout this book, Eckler takes us on a journey of meeting her boyfriend, falling in love, and attempting to blend both of their families into one. The families include Rowan, Eckler’s daughter, her boyfriend’s two daughters, and the addition of Holt, the baby they later have together. Each chapter guides us through the trials and tribulations the family faces due to blending their families from Eckler’s perspective while also sharing stories from her friend’s experiences with blended families. Although Eckler ultimately succumbs to being a part of the statistic of “66 percent of blended families who have broken up”, the transparent recount of her experiences offers readers the potential to reflect on the complexities of blending families (Chapter 20).

Eckler’s book begins with her going on a date with “Boyfriend” (as she refers to him in the book), initially intended to be a one-night stand but quickly turns into them falling for each other. This later leads to the blending of their families and Boyfriend’s family moving in with Eckler and her daughter. Eckler states, “We didn’t sit down and have a long meeting to hash out issues that
could arise if and when we were to move in together. There was no sitting down and talking about the logistics, no discussion of how it would affect the kids, no dialogue over who would pay for what, no talk of disciplining each other's children...." which she later reflects may have been the start of the demise of their blended family (Chapter 2). These topics, along with others, cause issues and give readers an insight into the challenges of blending families.

One of the reoccurring challenges Eckler experiences is the role of finances. She shares that "contrary to what experts say about planning and discussing, money matters before blending households" (Chapter 2). Eckler and Boyfriend did not have a conversation surrounding money, leading to resentment due to her feeling that she contributed more. Eckler shares, "I feel a lack of appreciation for all the things I've purchased for him and our family — the condo in Mexico, the motorcycle I bought him for his fortieth birthday, the piece of expensive artwork I bought for our anniversary, the leather motorcycle jacket he wanted, the designer sunglasses he wanted, the $500 bottle of cologne he wanted, the house they all are living in. I've started to feel like a walking bank machine" (Chapter 9). Although going into the relationship Eckler knew she was in a better position financially than Boyfriend, they had different views on what is deemed equal when splitting expenses. Her book emphasizes how blending families can have significant financial implications and stresses the need for open and honest discussions about finances early in the relationship.

Another difficulty that Eckler encounters when blending her family concerns the differences in parenting styles her and Boyfriend have. Many different challenges may arise when it comes to parenting styles and blending families. In an ideal world, when blending families there
should be a consensus on how you want to raise your children; however, this was not the case with Eckler and Boyfriend. Eckler shows this by stating: "My child, my rules. Your children? Your rules" (Chapter 6). The theme that having these pivotal conversations before blending is necessary reoccurs with the differences in parenting styles when Eckler shares: "I realize that Boyfriend and I have different parenting styles, probably something we should have discussed before blending" (Chapter 6). This also highlights how they have different rules for their biological children, creating a divide.

The divide between biological and non-biological children is another challenge that Eckler experiences when it comes to blending their families. Eckler shares, "It's not the same kind of love when they're not your own" which does make blending families difficult (Chapter 5). Eckler reflects on how this "different kind of love" shows up day to day in Boyfriend's actions She states, "Boyfriend magically turns into a short-order cook when his children are with us, buying groceries he knows they like or have asked for and practically making three-course meals when they are staying with us. On the days they are not with us, Boyfriend doesn't seem to care as much about what we — Rowan, me, and him — are having for dinner" (Chapter 10). These little things turn into big things as Eckler shares: "We aren't just arguing over what he buys and when he buys groceries. We are basically also arguing about who gets the most attention and love" (Chapter 10). Eckler acknowledges that this differential treatment can cause tension and conflict in blended families however, it may be inevitable.

Due to these challenges, along with many others, Eckler and Boyfriend end up getting a divorce after eight years together. They simply had "different expectations and outlooks on life"
which ultimately led to this decision (Chapter 19). Despite this outcome, it ends up being the right
choice for all parties involved. Eckler states, “I bow down to successful blended families, because
it really is ‘so, so hard’” (Chapter 20). Her realism on the difficulties of blending families offers a
nuanced and empathetic perspective on the topic.

The intended audience of Eckler's autobiography is for parents who are navigating the challenges of blending families. Due to the practical advice and personal anecdotes, one may classify it as a “self-help” book on the topic of blending families. In addition to this, I believe the book can be used for those in the field of sociology who are interested in studying family dynamics and parenting in today's society as it provides a firsthand account of the challenges and complexities that families face when creating a new family unit.

Eckler's book is a vulnerable and intriguing recount of her experiences with blending her family. Eckler's honesty about the emotional and psychological challenges that families face when trying to blend creates a sense of community for those who may be experiencing the same thing. In addition to this, her deliberate choice of language ensures the book is an engaging and accessible read all the way through. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Eckler's autobiography as it helps me gain a better understanding about the complexities of blending families. Despite the strengths of this book, I found it to be somewhat repetitive in its advice and anecdotes and Eckler could have either shortened the book or provide other examples to avoid this. Ultimately, I would highly recommend “Blissfully Blended Bullshit” as a valuable resource for anyone who is part of a blended family or considering blending their family in the future.