<figure><img src="image_1.png" /></figure>

Eckler, Rebecca. (2019). **Blissfully Blended Bullshit : The Uncomfortable Truth of Blending Families.** Toronto: Dundurn Press.

Reviewed by: Jordan Thirsk, MacEwan University

Rebecca Eckler’s book, “Blissfully Blended Bullshit,” focuses on the harsh realities of blending families. Eckler describes explicitly her experience of being a parent of a blended family and the struggles she faces as she navigates her new role as a wife and stepmother. Throughout the book, Eckler occasionally looks at the difficulties her friends have with their blended families and how they are similar to the struggles she faces with Boyfriend and Boyfriend’s daughters. In her book, Eckler focuses on the untold and unexpected hardships and emotions that occur in blended families that experts do not write about in their books.

One unexpected issue that Eckler faces when blending families is the addition of exes into the blend. Eckler comments on how “blended families affect people you’d never think of instantly, like our exes, the biological parents of our children” (p. 37). Eckler struggles with telling her ex that her new Boyfriend is moving in. She addresses that blending is a big deal for her but is also a big deal for Rowan’s dad. Eckler realizes that blending impacts her ex because “there will now be another adult male in the house, a man who will, unlike her biological dad, see his daughter every day” (p. 35). More specifically, Eckler acknowledges that her ex is no longer the only male role model present in Rowan’s life. However, Eckler wants to reassure her ex that the addition of ano-
ther adult male would not make him forgotten or less loved (p. 37). Eckler also acknowledges that blending is a big deal for Boyfriend's ex-wife too. For Boyfriend's ex, blending impacted their custody schedules, paying for children's extracurricular activities, and who came to their children's major life events. The addition of Boyfriend's ex-wife into the blend is shown when Boyfriend's daughter went shopping for a prom dress. While shopping, Eckler thinks they found the dress, but Boyfriend's daughter comes out and tells Eckler that "mommy thinks it's too short" (p. 182). This is eye-opening for Eckler because she did not know that picking a prom dress as a blended family also includes Boyfriend's ex-wife's opinion. Specifically, Eckler comments, "and clearly she has the last say" (p. 182), meaning Eckler did not realize the full extent to which Boyfriend's ex is included in the decision of what dress is bought.

Another unexpected issue Eckler faces when being in a blended family is the constant fighting. When first blending families, Eckler fails to engage in a discussion with Boyfriend about disciplining each other's children, who pays for what, their parenting styles, the role she has in Boyfriend's children's lives, and the division of chores. Eckler believes that "it will all just work out naturally" (p. 29). However, once blended, Eckler quickly realizes that everything does not work out naturally with blended families. Instead, conversations about money need to take place, precisely discussing what she pays for, what he pays for, and what they split. One of the most common fights between Eckler and Boyfriend is the issue of money. Therefore, when Eckler and Boyfriend un-blended, she reflects on the question, "would we have worked out if we'd discussed how to handle our finances and our financial goals before blending?" (p. 268) In addition, Eckler and her Boyfriend fail to discuss their parenting styles. The failure to discuss different parenting
styles leads to fights in their relationship, as shown in the case of Rowan's stuffed animal falling into the pool. Boyfriend believes that it is not normal that Rowan thinks her stuffed animal is real (p. 102). However, Eckler believes that Rowan should be able to use her imagination, even if it is about believing her stuffed animal is real (p. 102). After this incident, Eckler realizes that she and Boyfriend probably should have had a discussion about their different parenting styles before blending.

Eckler's most predominant theme in the book is taking a look at the metaphor blood is thicker than water (p. 80). At first, Eckler fails to acknowledge that her bond to her daughter and son, who are biologically hers, is stronger than her bond to Boyfriends daughters. Eckler even gets mad when Boyfriend's mother comments at family dinner about how "it's not the same when they're not your own" (p. 74) and how her mother comments on only having five grandchildren instead of seven (p. 82). However, both Eckler's mother's and Boyfriend's mother's comments force Eckler to think about how she does not love all the children equally. Eckler states, "... I'm always more protective, supportive, and fiercely loyal of the two who came out of me-which means I must treat Boyfriend's children and my children differently" (p. 83). In addition, Eckler notices that Boyfriend always takes his daughter's sides and makes them more of a priority. Therefore, Eckler realizes "blood, in this case, is thicker than water. And, reflecting, it always was as we blended families" (p. 265).

Eckler concludes her book by looking at the process of un-blending. She addresses how she made it work for two more years but thought it is better to un-blend. The first part of un-blending, Eckler wrote, is the mental process. When Eckler is first deciding to un-blend the family,
she questions her decision. However, once her daughter admits the impact the constant fighting has on her, Eckler knew that she made the right choice. After Eckler discovers she made the right decision, she moves into the physical part of un-blending. According to Eckler, the physical process of un-blending includes ex-Boyfriend moving out and splitting things in the household. Eckler recognizes that ex-Boyfriend moving out and splitting up household things is difficult but acknowledges that it did not compare to the difficulty of losing the family she once was blended to. After un-blending, Eckler mentions how she kept in touch with Boyfriend's daughters but then how it turned into the odd text and how now there is no contact with his daughters. Therefore, Eckler declares, "when you marry your partner, you marry their family, when you un-blend, you lose part of your family, the one you gained when blending" (p. 265).

Eckler found a way to use humour to captivate the audience while somehow still managing to portray the emotional and heartbreaking feelings that she encounters through her experience of being in a blended family. I found Eckler's book was very educational and eye-opening about the realities of being in a blended family and the process of un-blending. Also, I appreciate how Eckler continually critiques the experts' advice and questions what made them experts. When Eckler is in her blended family, she turns to experts' advice to help fix the problems that are occurring. However, Eckler realizes experts do not touch on issues that apply to her family, and if they do apply, it is common sense and vague (p. 129). Therefore, Eckler's intention of writing the book "Blissfully Blended Bullshit" is to advise people of the many hardships they may encounter in blended families that the experts fail to mention.

Eckler's book is well suited for people who plan on entering blended families and are
seeking the harsh realities of what it looks like to create and be a part of a blended family. Also, Eckler's book is well suited for people who are in blended families that feel like their problems and feelings are abnormal and invalid. Lastly, Eckler's book would be extremely beneficial for sociology students learning or researching about the different types of families or wanting to learn about the truth behind blended families.