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Lalonde, Julie S. (2020). **Resilience is Futile: The Life and Death and Life of Julie S. Lalonde.** Toronto: Between the Lines.

Reviewed by: Paige Gielen, MacEwan University

Julie Lalonde's book, "Resilience is Futile: The Life and Death of Julie S. Lalonde," is a memoir written to bring awareness to how hard it is to leave abusive relationships, the trauma that happens, and how challenging it can be to move on. Within the book, the reader will experience Julie's abusive relationship and see the hardships that she faced during and even after she left the relationship. She writes the book in a way that gives the reader a sense of being put in her shoes and how it would feel to be the person in an abusive relationship. The way she writes the book goes in chronological order with flashbacks. Each chapter tells a whole story of that part of her life and her personal view of the situation. She writes in a first-person narrative with an interior monologue that provides personal comments and insight to engage the reader more. The personal narrative allows the reader to relate more to her and lets the reader feel more connected to the issues at hand within the book. The book hits several themes, such as survival after abuse, the need for community, and feminist issues.

Survival after leaving an abusive relationship is something many people face sadly. More and more people are coming out with their own stories of abusive relationships, and I think these stories we should be listening to. I hope I never have to go through it, but this memoir has shown me that even in the darkest moments, there is sunshine. Being in an abusive relationship can be so
hard, but moments can feel like it is the most amazing thing. As Lalonde says in the memoir, "Xavier became abusive. Xavier became a rapist. But he wasn't that summer. The summer that I fell in love with him, he was none of those things." (p. 13) After reading this, it made me think that at one moment, the person was everything you wanted and needed, and as you go through the book, I get a sense that you always want to see the person as that person you fell in love with. Lalonde explains the hardship she encountered during their relationship while also dealing with school, work, and living away from family. After the relationship ends, we go through the mental and emotions that she went through. Even when leaving the relationship, she faced hardships. When leaving an abusive relationship, it's not just as easy as just walking away. She explains moving in a day, trying to stay hidden, and the constant mental struggle of whether I will see this person and when. The constant thought of "Did I do the right thing leaving?" is something I think is at the forefront of leaving these types of relationships. Lalonde talks about how she dealt with the feelings and situations that arose. She explains how hard it is to leave and how sometimes you get suckered back into seeing the ex-partner, but you have a glimpse of hope things will be different. She faces a lot of internal struggles alone, but she also has a great sense of community around her, which helped her along the way.

Lalonde explains throughout the book how she wouldn't be able to leave and continue in life without the support she had around her. From family to friends to her next partner. The sense of community came from many places, even something as small as another worker noticing her in a tense spot with her ex. Having people be there for you and support you during the challenging transition of leaving. She explains how her family was supportive and proud of her leaving and
how friends were the first ones to help her move. Reading this gave me the sense that family and friends are the glue you need to leave. Having that safe person, or safe space, to having them all look out for you is something you need when leaving a relationship like that. Lalonde's friends in the book make many appearances and never once judge her and her struggles. She even explains how hard it can be to move on and be with someone else. But finding that person who accepts and helps you with your path is needed. A moment in the memoir that describes this is, "In the calm, deep voice that I loved so much, he responded, "Yes, I know. I'm here too." (p. 96) This quote instills how important it is to have that person who accepts you, understands all the past trauma you have, and chooses to be there with you even when you least expect it. A lesson I believe many people need to remember. Lalonde voices the importance of community throughout the whole memoir, which is something people should focus on. Building a community of people who are always there for you is something everyone should have, no matter what happens in life.

Another topic that stood out to me was feminism. Lalonde faced challenges as a female throughout. From police reports not being taken seriously to accusations against her for standing her ground against cadets. Lalonde shares moments within her life where being a woman in an abusive relationship was a taboo thing. From her calling the police to get help when getting stalked and just being brushed off as being just a crazy ex. She also faced false accusations when leading a presentation to bring awareness of violence within relationships. Within the memoir, I feel she brings up how women have a hard time within society as it is a very male-heavy society. She faces challenges with misogynistic males and has to stand her ground to prove her innocence, but society and higher-level people think that males are never wrong. She makes the reader think and reflect
on how hard women have it in society in topics people wouldn't think of. Being a female reader of this memoir, I think she shines a light on this topic and how there should be more awareness, and society should start changing to bring powerful women up to teach lessons to people, to hopefully have a better society for everyone.

Overall, Lalonde does a great job at transporting a reader into how she was feeling at this time of her life. Being able to freely talk and publish a book about such content matters and can help many people. Even though her book is written from a female perspective and deals with feminism, it can be helpful for males, too. It can help others see each other views and what women can go through within an abusive relationship. I believe this book hosts many positives that can help many future generations. The topic of abuse and survival is something that we have to deal with too much within daily society. The way she wrote, and the themes and topics discussed within, I believe, can help bring open communication between people. Having these taboo topics talked about more openly and freely can help victims feel more empowered to talk about it and not feel like a burden on society when they tell people. I think there will be critics of this book because it is from a female perspective, and some parts of society play the abuse off and blame the victim, saying such things as "there's always more to the story."

This book can be very controversial within society for the topics it discusses. This book has a vast academic audience, as it has many topics. From mental health and gender studies to someone within counseling and social work. I believe this book has a great reach to many people. I highly recommend "Resilience is Futile: The Life and Death of Juile S. Lalonde." I had the pleasure of reading the book and felt connected to Juile within the book, and it encouraged me to
investigate resources to help victims of abuse. I recommend this book to anyone interested in
trauma, healing, and feminism.