Picard: Captain's log, stardate 46192.3. We have arrived at Starbase one one two and are loading relief supplies destined for Tagra Four, an ecologically devastated planet in the Argolis Cluster. We have also taken on a rather unusual passenger.
Picard: Welcome to the Enterprise, Miss Rogers. I'm delighted to have you aboard.
Amanda: Thank you, sir.
Picard: And congratulations. I understand that you were selected for this internship out of hundreds of applicants.
Amanda: Yes, sir. I still can't believe they chose me. There were lots of other people with better records.
Crusher: Your transcript is very impressive. She's done honors work in neurobiology, plasma dynamics, and eco-regeneration. I'd say that's pretty well rounded.
Amanda: That's a nice way of saying that I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my life.
Crusher: I've arranged to have you work in all the major departments while you're here, and I'm willing to bet that by the time it's over you'll have a pretty good idea what field you're interested in.
Picard: Or at least what fields you're not interested in.
Picard: Come.
Riker: We're bringing up the rest of the cargo now. We should be ready to leave within the hour.
Picard: Commander, will you escort Miss Rogers to her quarters? I need to discuss the Tagran's medical needs with Doctor Crusher. And Miss Rogers?
Amanda: Yes?
Picard: You've won yourself a rare opportunity. Avail yourself of it.
Amanda: I will, sir. And thank you.
Riker: It'll take a few days before you know where everything is. If you need any help, you just use one of these comm. panels.
Amanda: We're on deck seven, section four.
Riker: You're right.
Amanda: I practically memorized the specs on the way over here.
Riker: You're a quick study. This is it.
Amanda: Is this for me?
Riker: It's all yours.
Amanda: It's so big.
Riker: For honor students, only the best.
Amanda: Well, I could've brought my zoo.
Riker: Your zoo?
Amanda: That's just what my parents call it. Three dogs isn't that many, is it?
Riker: It depends how they get along.
Amanda: I could have a dozen. Mother said enough is enough. I'm sure going to miss 'em.
Riker: We'll keep you so busy you won't have a chance to. I've got to get going. I have to get back to cargo bay two.
Amanda: Well, thanks for walking me down.
Riker: Sure.
Amanda: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean it.
Amanda: You guys can't stay here. Come on, all of you.
Amanda: Hello. Come here, little one. You too. Come on, come on.
Crusher: See all these readouts? That's your heart rate, your blood pressure all your vital signs. You're in good shape. You might just live to be my age.
Crusher: Now, all these tricorders need to be tested before they get put in the supply containers that we're taking to Tagra.
Amanda: So I should scan myself with each one to make sure all the readouts are working?
Crusher: Any unit that doesn't, put it aside and we'll do a diagnostic on it later.
Amanda: Okay.
Crusher: I hear you've been accepted to the Academy. I have a son there.
Amanda: Oh. Being posted on the Enterprise, I guess you don't get to see him very often?
Crusher: No, not as often as I'd like.
Amanda: Do you have any other children?
Crusher: My husband died a number of years ago. Wes was our only child.
Amanda: Was he old enough to know his father?
Crusher: Jack died when he was five.
Amanda: My parents died when I was a baby too. I don't remember anything about them. Sometimes I wonder what they were like.
Crusher: Your adoptive parents are in Starfleet, aren't they?
Amanda: Yeah, they're marine biologists. They've just been posted to the Bilaren system.
Medic: Sickbay to Doctor Crusher. You wanted to be told when the cultures were ready.
Crusher: On my way. When you've finished with the tricorders, Nurse Ogawa can help you take them down to shuttlebay for loading.
Amanda: Okay.
Laforge: Oh, thank you very much for your help. We can use every available hand we can get. This is one of the largest relief efforts we've ever mounted.
Amanda: Now why are you bringing everything down in shuttlecraft?
Laforge: Well, because we can't use the transporters for all of the ionization in the Tagran atmosphere.
Amanda: From the barystatic filters?
Laforge: How did you know that?
Amanda: I did a paper on eco-regeneration.
Laforge: Well then, you know that a thousand barystatic filters puts out quite a bit of ionization.
Amanda: A thousand?
Laforge: Yeah, they've managed to pollute their atmosphere pretty badly.
Amanda: It's amazing to think that they go to such lengths to clean the air instead of regulating the emissions that cause the problem.
Laforge: You're right. Actually, the only thing the filters can do is keep things from getting worse.
Laforge: They shoot the air full of
Laforge: Commander, are you all right? You okay?
Riker: I didn't even see it coming.
Laforge: this is the main control area. We can access any of the primary circuits from all of these panels. Over here is a Jeffries tube.
Amanda: Where most of the major conduits are routed.
Laforge: You've been doing your homework.
Amanda: It's hard to imagine how much energy is being harnessed in there.
Data: Imagination is not necessary. The scale is readily quantifiable. We are presently generating twelve point seven five billion gigawatts per
Data: Temperature in the reaction chamber has increased by forty seven percent.
Laforge: Injector couplings are frozen. I can't slow down the reaction.
Data: Temperature increase is at one hundred six percent and rising.
Laforge: La Forge to Bridge! We're looking at a core breach! We're going to have to try and vent the plasma!
Data: Plasma inductors are not responding.
Laforge: We're going to lose containment. All right, everybody out of here now. Let's go! Let's move it! Data, bring down the isolation door. We're going to have to eject the warp core.
Data: Temperature in the reaction chamber has returned to normal.
Crusher: She's a little shaken up, but she's going to be.
Riker: You said she was adopted. Could she be an alien?
Crusher: She's human. There's nothing more unusual about her, not that my instruments can detect.
Picard: Commander, have you been able to determine the cause of the warp breach?
Laforge: No, sir. Everything was normal and then suddenly it's like the laws of physics went right out the window.
Q: And why shouldn't they? They're so inconvenient.
Picard: Q!
Q: Mon Capitane.
Picard: Are you responsible for the incident in Engineering?
Q: Of course. I needed to find out if what I suspected about the girl were true.
Picard: That being?
Q: That she's Q.
Troi: Amanda's a Q?
Crusher: How is that possible? Her parents, her biological parents, were human.
Q: Well, not exactly. They had assumed human form in order to visit Earth, I suppose for amusement. But in vulgar human fashion they proceeded to conceive a child. And then like mawkish humans, they became attached to it. What is it about those squirming little infants that you find so appealing?
Crusher: I'm sure that's beyond your comprehension, Q.
Q: I desperately hope so.
Troi: What happened to Amanda's parents?
Q: They died in an accident. None of us knew whether she had inherited the capacities of the Q, but recently they've began to emerge, and as an expert in humanity, I was sent to investigate.
Riker: You, an expert in humanity?
Q: Not a very challenging field of study, I grant you.
Laforge: Are you saying that you created a core breach just to test this girl?
Troi: What would have happened if she couldn't stop it?
Q: Then I would've known she wasn't a Q.
Crusher: And now that you know, what do you intend to do?
Q: Instruct here. If that child does not learn how to control her power, she may accidently destroy herself. Or all of you. Or perhaps your entire galaxy.
Picard: I find it hard to believe that you're here to do us a favor.
Q: You're quite right I wouldn't. But there are those in the Continuum who have an over-exaggerated sense of responsibility. They think that we need to take precautions to keep the little dear from running amuck.
Crusher: And once you've taught her, then you'll go away?
Q: And leave her here? Of course not. She'll come back to the Continuum, where she belongs.
Crusher: Wait a minute. You can't just come in here and take her away from everything she's ever known.
Q: I assure you I can.
Crusher: She has plans for herself. She wants to have a career and a family.
Q: I'm rescuing her from that miserable existence.
Crusher: That miserable existence is all she's known for the last eighteen years. You have no right to take it away from her.
Q: Mon Capitane, I really think that we need to speak privately.
Q: Well, there, that's better. Crusher gets more shrill with each passing year.
Picard: Q, what is it you really want?
Q: Well, since you know so much about the Q, I thought you'd the perfect person to introduce me to the child. Let her know she can trust me.
Picard: I don't trust you, Q. Why should I expect Amanda to?
Q: Well she'd better, because I'm all she's got. She needs me to help her prepare for her future with the Q.
Picard: But what if she doesn't want that future? It must be her decision.
Q: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Do you think she'll want to remain an enfeebled mortal?
Picard: But if she really is Q, she must understand what that means. Very well, I will introduce you. But we cannot argue like this in front of her. We must at least appear to be
Q: Pals?
Picard: Civil.
Q: I knew I could count on you, Jean-Luc.
Picard: Mister Data, I want you to access any available records on Amanda Rogers.
Data: Yes, Captain.
Picard: I want to know about her biological parents, about their death. I find it odd that any Q could die in an accident.
Data: It is not consistent with what we know of them, sir.
Picard: I'm convinced that Q isn't telling us everything. See what you can find out.
Data: Aye, sir.
Amanda: It started happening about six months ago. Things that I would wish for would just suddenly appear. I thought I was going crazy. In a funny way, finding this out is kind of a relief.
Crusher: I can understand that. This person I mentioned, from the Q Continuum, would like to meet you. If it's all right with you.
Amanda: I'm ready.
Crusher: Good.
Q: There's my girl!
Picard: Amanda, allow me to introduce, er, Q. He's er, he's an acquaintance of ours. We've er, we've known him for years.
Q: Very impressive the way you contained that explosion. What else have you done?
Amanda: I don't understand.
Q: Telekinesis? Teleportation? Spontaneous combustion of someone you didn't like? That sort of thing.
Picard: Amanda, what Q is asking is have you ever deliberately used your abilities?
Amanda: Not until I came here. The first time it happened was when the container almost fell on Commander Riker.
Q: And you handled that very well. That's why I gave you a greater challenge. The warp core breach.
Q: She has potential, this one. I see no reason why she can't come back to the Continuum right now.
Amanda: What?
Picard: Q
Amanda: I don't want to go anywhere.
Q: Don't worry. With time you'll overcome the disadvantages you suffered as a child. No one will hold it against you for having been human. Let's go.
Amanda: Leave me alone! I'm not going anywhere with you!
Picard: You agreed that she has a right to choose her own future. The first chance you get you try to abduct her.
Q: You're overreacting as usual, Picard. I was merely testing her power. She's quite a little spitfire, now isn't she?
Picard: What's going on, Q? What's your real purpose here?
Q: I think I've been perfectly clear. The Continuum has a vested interest in this young woman.
Picard: If you wish to protect that investment, I suggest that you approach her differently.
Q: She was being impetuous. She'll just have to start behaving like a Q.
Picard: If I'm not mistaken, she just did.
Amanda: You understand, don't you? It's just that I have these things that I want to do. I'm going to the Academy. I want a career, and I want to join Starfleet.
Crusher: You can still do those things.
Amanda: It just seems so complicated now. These powers that I have are just going to stand in the way. I don't want to have to deal with it.
Crusher: Well, you're going to have to. Listen, I can only imagine how you feel. And it would be easier if this had never happened or if it would just go away. But it's not going to go away. And you need someone to help you. And the person who can help you is Q.
Amanda: He's so horrible.
Crusher: He is the only one who can help you to understand who you are. Amanda, you are going to have to make some hard choices about your future, and you can't make them if you're going to ignore the truth.
Amanda: Yeah. I know. But I don't want any of this to disrupt my time here. I want to do everything that I'm expected to do, and I don't want you to treat me any differently. Please?
Crusher: You've got a deal. The first free hour you have, I want to see you in the medical lab. I have an experiment I need help with.
Amanda: Yes, ma'am.
Q: Your progress, Q?
Q: As anticipated, there are some problems. I need time. However, there is a possibility we won't have to terminate her.
Amanda: Come in.
Q: Hello, my dear. I've been told I behaved badly. I apologize. Apparently you had every reason to chastise me. But, then again, what's done is done. Right?
Amanda: I'd like to ask you some questions.
Q: Anything.
Amanda: What exactly are the Q?
Q: It would be so much easier to show you than to tell you. If you would agree to take a short visit to the Continuum
Amanda: No, just tell me.
Q: Well. to put it simply, we're omnipotent. There's nothing, nothing we can't do.
Amanda: And what do you do with this power?
Q: Anything we want.
Amanda: Do you use it to help others?
Q: I think you've missed the point, my dear. Clearly, you've spent far too much time with humans. As a Q, you can have your heart's desire, instantly, whatever that may be. Would you like precious jewels? Works of art? Would you like to walk along the rings of Tautine?
Amanda: I'm not interested in any of those things.
Q: Of course not. You're a Q. But surely there must be something that you want? Something that you never dreamed was possible. Tell me, Amanda. What is it?
Amanda: I'd like to know what my parents looked like. My real parents.
Q: How quaint. So do it.
Amanda: What do you mean?
Q: Summon the image.
Amanda: I don't know how.
Q: Think about them. Evoke the memory. You can do it, Amanda. Trust me. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. In your mind, return to the time when you were an infant. Think about your parents. Remember them. Good. Good. Now, open your eyes.
Amanda: They loved me.
Amanda: Wait for it to be metabolized. Add another twenty? Wait for it to be metabolized over and over, and then wait till the bacilli can't be absorbed any more.
Crusher: That's right. Just be sure and record the rate of mitosis from each of the dishes.
Amanda: Mitosis, right.
Crusher: You seem distracted.
Amanda: Well, I just saw my parents. My real parents. Q showed me how. Can you imagine how that felt?
Crusher: No, I don't think I can.
Amanda: You know, you were right. I can't ignore what's happened to me. I just don't know if I can cope with it.
Crusher: Amanda, you are stronger than you think.
Amanda: You know, when I saw them there, right in front of me, I realized that I caused this to happen. I wanted to see them and I did. If it were you, if suddenly you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?
Crusher: I have no idea.
Amanda: No, think about it. Really think. If suddenly you could make anything happen, what would it be?
Crusher: Well, I would probably want to heal people. People who are hopelessly ill.
Amanda: Would you bring your husband back?
Crusher: Amanda, I don't know. And I don't think I could make a decision like that until I was actually faced with it.
Amanda: I am faced with it.
Crusher: Try to do the work. I'll come back and check on you later.
Q: I thought she'd never leave.
Amanda: I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.
Q: It's time for another lesson.
Amanda: Well, I have to finish this experiment first.
Q: What are you doing?
Amanda: We're delivering live vaccine bacilli to Tagra. I'm supposed to find the best nutrient solution so we can keep them living while they're in stasis.
Q: Fascinating. I've just had a splendid idea. Why don't we combine what you're doing with our lesson, and we'll show you how to finish in no time.
Amanda: Well, I think that I should finish it the way Doctor Crusher showed me.
Q: Why? I'm sure she'll be delighted if we sped things along. Think what it would mean. You could double, even triple the work load.
Amanda: Well.
Q: Good.
Amanda: I guess so.
Q: Now, as you take a look at the tissue samples, form an image in your mind.
Picard: Number One Doctor Crusher has some live vaccine bacilli to be delivered to Tagra. It'll have to be shipped in a stasis field. Will you make the arrangements?
Riker: I'll get right on it.
Data: Captain, message coming in from Tagra Four.
Picard: On screen.
Lote: Enterprise, I am Orn Lote, engineer. We are having difficulties with the reactor that powers the barystatic filters on our southern continent. We may have to shut it down for repairs.
Picard: Perhaps my Chief Engineer could be of assistance?
Lote: I hope so. If we are forced to disable the reactor, it would take months to re-establish the ionic currents the filters have formed in the atmosphere.
Picard: Send us your design specifications I'm sure we'll be able to help.
Lote: Thank you, Captain.
Data: Captain?
Picard: What is it, Mister Data?
Data: I have some information regarding Amanda Rogers' parents. Records indicate that they died in Topeka, Kansas. Their home was destroyed during a tornado.
Picard: A tornado? Why wasn't it dissipated by the weather modification net?
Data: Unknown, sir. The bodies were found in the rubble after the storm had passed.
Picard: See if you can find out any more details, Mister Data. I'd like to know more about that storm.
Data: Aye, sir.
Q: Well, if it isn't Number Two.
Riker: I was looking for Doctor Crusher. I didn't know what nutrients she wanted to send with the bacilli.
Amanda: I'm not sure. I'll tell her to contact you.
Riker: Thanks.
Amanda: You could stay here and wait for her, if you, you know, wanted to.
Riker: Just tell her I'll be in shuttlebay two.
Q: You're attracted to him.
Amanda: I am not.
Q: I think you are. How repulsive. How do you stand that hair all over his face?
Amanda: Doctor, Commander Riker was just here looking for you. He said he'd be in Shuttlebay Two.
Crusher: Thank you. Have you finished already?
Amanda: Yes.
Crusher: How did you do it so quickly?
Amanda: Q helped me. It took us about half the time that it would have normally taken us.
Crusher: That explains this data. I needed to know the rates of mitosis. By artificially inflating them you made the experiment useless. Now I have to do it all over again.
Amanda: I'm sorry, Doctor.
Q: Don't be sorry. If she wants to make things difficult on herself, that's her business.
Crusher: Why did you interfere with what she was doing?
Q: She's a Q. Making her plod through human chores is beneath her.
Crusher: She has asked not to be treated differently.
Q: That doesn't mean she should be bored to death.
Crusher: I don't interfere with what you're teaching her.
Q: You wouldn't be capable of interfering.
Crusher: I don't think it's too much to ask for you to do the same.
Crusher: And you stay out of mine.
Q: Well, when you put it like that, I think you're absolutely right.
Data: Captain.
Picard: Yes, Mister Data?
Data: I have further information regarding the tornado that killed Amanda Rogers' parents.
Picard: What is it?
Data: It was unusually compact, yet extremely powerful. Its recorded wind velocity was characteristic of a funnel three times its size.
Picard: Download the files to my Ready room. I'll study them there.
Data: Aye, sir.
Q: Have you been practicing your teleportation?
Amanda: Yes. But it's kind of hard. I keep ending up somewhere I don't want to be.
Q: Well, it won't do to be sloppy. You should hone your abilities. I have a wonderful idea. Why don't we play a little game? I'll hide somewhere on the ship and you find me.
Amanda: But how do I know how?
Q: Don't worry, Amanda. You can do it.
Q: Not bad. Not bad at all.
Data: If we can use phase buffers we may be able to devise a mechanism that can be integrated into the present system while it is in operation.
Q: You're still thinking like a human.
Q: Now do you understand? What do humans have to offer you that even begins to compare with that? Your future contains wonders you can't even imagine. The universe could be your playground.
Amanda: Doctor Crusher and Counselor Troi. They're taking me to dinner.
Q: You don't have to eat, you know. It's a nasty human habit you could easily do without.
Crusher: Hello, Amanda. Are you ready?
Amanda: Yes.
Troi: Well, Amanda, how are you feeling about all this now? It must be overwhelming.
Amanda: It was at first, but actually now I'm enjoying myself.
Riker: Hello, ladies.
Troi: Hello, Will.
Amanda: Commander Riker. Er, won't you join us?
Riker: I'd love, to but I have other plans.
Riker: Hi.
Woman: Hi.
Crusher: So, how are your lessons going? Is Q being patient with you? Amanda?
Riker: What is this all about?
Amanda: I thought it might be nice to spend some time alone together.
Riker: I think it would be nice if you took us back to Ten Forward.
Amanda: Are you sure you wouldn't want to stay here with me for a while? The moonlight is so beautiful. Isn't it nicer here than at Ten Forward?
Riker: Yes, it's very pleasant, but that's not the point.
Amanda: Oh? I think it is.
Riker: No. You can't just snatch people and put them in your fantasies and expect them to respond.
Amanda: Don't you like me? Even just a little bit?
Riker: You're a very lovely young lady. But none of this is real.
Amanda: My feelings are real.
Riker: I know. But you can't make someone love you.
Amanda: Can't I?
Riker: Oh, Amanda. You are so beautiful.
Amanda: Do you love me?
Riker: More than anything.
Amanda: You're right. None of this is real. I thought it would be romantic, but it's empty.
Riker: Amanda.
Amanda: Just go back to Ten Forward.
Q: Bon jour, mon Capitane. You wanted to talk with me?
Picard: I wanted to ask you about Amanda's biological parents. When they decided to remain on Earth, what was the reaction in the Q Continuum?
Q: We found it incomprehensible.
Picard: Were they pressured to return? Were they threatened with any punishment if they didn't?
Q: What are you driving at, Picard?
Picard: Well, the circumstance of their death's quite odd. A tornado somehow escaped the weather modification net and touched down in only one spot. Amanda's home.
Q: Well, you never can predict the weather.
Picard: But tornadoes develop from existing storm fronts. But you see, there were no storm fronts in Kansas that day. Witnesses reported that the funnel materialized spontaneously directly over Amanda's home, destroyed it, and disappeared.
Q: If you say so. I wasn't there.
Picard: Were Amanda's parents executed by the Q Continuum?
Q: And what if they were?
Picard: Then I think she has a right to know that before she makes a choice about her future.
Q: Don't be foolish, Picard. She has no choice. She never did. If she's truly Q, then she must return to the Continuum where she belongs. But if she were some kind of hybrid, neither human nor Q, then
Picard: You would be so despicable?
Q: Don't be naive. You have no idea what it means to be Q. With unlimited power comes responsibility. Do you think it is reasonable for us to allow omnipotent beings to roam free through the universe?
Picard: So what have you concluded? Does she live or does she die?
Q: I haven't decided yet.
Picard: Captain's log, stardate 46193.8. We have arrived at Tagra Four and have begun delivering supplies. In the meantime, I am faced with a crisis of a different nature.
Picard: Look, I have no reason to believe that Q is lying. He claims he has orders from the Continuum. If Amanda cannot prove that she is fully Q, then he must kill her.
Troi: We have to tell her.
Crusher: I don't know if we should. It almost seems cruel.
Troi: Maybe she can protect herself. After all, she has a great deal of power.
Crusher: So did her parents. It didn't save them.
Picard: I agree with the Counselor. Amanda deserves to know the truth of her situation. We have no right to withhold such crucial information from her. But it isn't going to be easy telling her.
Riker: What's your impression of the field modulator, Mister Lote?
Lote: Quite ingenious. Quite ingenious, indeed. I'm amazed at the way it can be incorporated with the existing system.
Laforge: Commander, we're all loaded here. We can head for the surface whenever you're ready.
Lote: I'm eager to see the field modulator in place, Commander.
Riker: We'd better get going.
Lote: Yes.
Amanda: Kill me? But why?
Picard: They're not convinced that you are fully Q. And they are also responsible for your parent's death.
Amanda: My parents? But what right do they have? Q? Answer me. Are you afraid to face me?
Q: She's such a plucky little thing, now, isn't she. I really do enjoy you, you know.
Picard: Amanda's question deserves an answer, Q. You've made yourself judge, jury, and if necessary executioner. By what right have you appointed yourself to this position?
Q: Superior morality.
Picard: Yes. I recall how you used your superior morality when we first encountered you. You put us on trial for the crimes of humanity.
Q: The jury is still out on that, Picard, make no mistake.
Picard: Your arrogant pretense at being the moral guardians of the universe strikes me as being hollow, Q. I see no evidence that you are guided by a superior moral code, or any code whatsoever. You may be nearly omnipotent, and I don't deny that your parlor tricks are very impressive, but morality? I don't see it. I don't acknowledge it, Q. I would put human morality against the Q's any day. And perhaps that's the reason that we fascinate you so. Because our puny behavior shows you a glimmer of the one thing that evades your omnipotence, a moral center. And if so, I can think of no crueler irony than that you should destroy this young woman, whose only crime is that she's too human.
Q: Jean-Luc, sometimes I think the only reason I come here is to listen to these wonderful speeches of yours. But this time, your concern is unwarranted. We've decided not to harm her. And we're prepared to offer her a choice.
Amanda: What kind of choice?
Q: You can either come to the Continuum with me
Amanda: Or?
Q: Now this choice is more difficult. You have it within yourself the ability to refrain from using the power of Q. If you can do that, you can stay here.
Amanda: Then I'm staying here.
Q: Think about this. This is not so easy. Your parents were given this choice and they were unable to resist the temptation of using their power.
Amanda: All I've wanted since this whole thing began is to become a normal human being again. I know I can resist.
Worf: Worf to Picard. There is an emergency message from Commander Riker.
Picard: I'm on my way.
Riker: Captain, the damage to the reactor is greater than the Tagrans led us to believe. The field modulator is installled and operational, but it's not going to be enough. The reactor has already gone into overload.
Picard: Can you correct the problem?
Riker: Geordi is trying to stabilize the unit now. We will stay as long as possible. There are thousands of people in the area. If that reactor goes.
Lote: Commander. Over here, quickly.
Picard: Is this your doing, Q?
Q: Not this time, Picard.
Picard: Mister Worf, see if there's any way we can do to cut through the interference and beam them out of there.
Worf: Aye, sir.
Riker: Captain, Geordi is trying a neutrino infusion. It may smother the reaction.
Worf: Captain, there is too much ionization in the atmosphere. Transporters are useless.
Laforge: It's no use. The heat has fused the injectors shut. We're losing containment.
Riker: How long till meltdown?
Laforge: A few minutes at most. Going to have to
Lote: Commander! Look at this.
Laforge: This is impossible. Captain, I don't know what's happening, but the reaction is stabilizing on its own.
Data: Captain, I am reading a massive energy fluctuation in the planet's atmosphere.
Picard: On screen.
Data: Atmospheric contaminants have dropped to less than one part per trillion. The ecozystem has been restored to its natural state.
Picard: Amanda?
Q: I told you it would be harder to resist than you thought.
Amanda: I couldn't let all those people die
Amanda: Ever since I got here, I've been fighting this. I've been denying the truth. Denying what I am. I am Q. Doctor Crusher, I've decided that I can't stay. I can't stay here.
Q: Well, now that you've come to your senses, let's go.
Amanda: No. I want to go and see my parents first. It's going to take some time to explain all this, so you'll have to be patient.
Amanda: I hope I can come back and see you.
Crusher: You're a Q. You can do anything you want.


Picard: Captain's log, stardate 46235.7 Ensign Ro, Keiko O'Brien, Guinan and I are returning to the Enterprise after a fascinating visit to the planet Marlonia.
Picard: And I found these pieces in the tertiary level of the dig. They're typical of second century Marlonian cookware. Look at those markings. They're very similar to early Taguan designs, but the patterns are more intricate, they're much closer to Buranian than Taguan.
Guinan: You were on the most beautiful planet in the quadrant and you spent your entire shore leave in a cave?
Picard: It was a very rewarding experience. Look at these fragments. They're very nearly in perfect condition and yet they're seven hundred years old.
Guinan: So's my father.
Ro: Is that a Draebidium froctus?
Keiko: Actually, it's a Draebidium calimus. You can tell by the shape of the leaves. I didn't know you were interested in plant biology.
Ro: I took a class at the Academy. I Don't remember very much though.
Worf: Enterprise to shuttlecraft Fermi.
Ro: This is the Fermi. Go ahead Enterprise.
Worf: We have just received a distress signal from the Starfleet science team on Ligos Seven.
Picard: Can you identify the problem?
Worf: No, sir. The call was cut off in mid-transmission.
Picard: Lay in a course and prepare to engage at warp eight as soon as we're on board.
Worf: Aye, sir.
Ro: We'll rendezvous with the ship in three minutes, sir.
Ro: We're caught in some kind of energy field.
Picard: Hard about, full impulse.
Ro: Aye, sir.
Riker: What's happening, Mister Worf?
Worf: The shuttle has been enveloped by an energy field. It's engines and life support have failed.
Riker: Increase to full impulse. Bridge to Transporter room three. Prepare to beam the shuttle crew back once we're in range.
O'Brien: Ready, sir.
Ro: I can't contact the Enterprise. There's too much interference.
Picard: Transfer auxiliary power to the inertial dampers.
Computer: Warning. Structural failure imminent.
Riker: Have you got them, O'Brien?
O'Brien: I'm trying, sir.
O'Brien: I can't get a pattern lock.
Riker: The shuttle is
Riker: Coming apart, Chief. We've got to do it now.
O'Brien: I've got them. There's a forty percent drop in mass.
O'Brien: I may have lost one of them.
Picard Jr: Thank you, Mister O'Brien. Another moment and
Crusher: According to the bioscans, their DNA structure is now consistent with those of preadolescence. But as far as we can tell, only their bodies were changed.
Troi: Their individual intelligence and their behavioral responses are exactly the same as they were before the accident.
Picard Jr: What happened to the shuttlecraft, Number One?
Riker: The shuttle broke up just after we beamed you out. Mister Data is coordinating the salvage efforts now. Sir.
Crusher: What about the energy field the shuttle passed through?
Riker: We've trying to scan it, but it's we're running into lot of interference. It's going to take some time.
Picard Jr: We can't afford to stay here any longer. We'll leave a class four probe behind to study the energy field but the distress signal from Ligos Seven has top priority. Let me know as soon as you have any further information, Doctor. Number One, you're with me.
Crusher: Captain, I need to run some additional tests.
Picard Jr: Of course. The three of you will remain as needed to assist Doctor Crusher.
Ro Jr: What?
Guinan Jr: You know, you make a pretty cute kid.
Ro Jr: Great. Just what I want to be. Cute.
Guinan Jr: Were you this much fun when you were a kid?
Ro Jr: I was in a refugee camp. Fun wasn't exactly in my vocabulary.
Guinan Jr: What about now? You're not in that camp anymore.
Ro Jr: Fun is being back at work in my own uniform.
Picard Jr: Bridge.
Picard Jr: Mister Worf. Prepare to launch a class four probe to study the energy field.
Picard Jr: I realize how unusual this must seem. My appearance is the result of an accident, involving myself and three other crew members, the effects of which Doctor Crusher is currently working to remedy. I assure you I am Captain Picard.
Worf: The probe. Aye, sir.
Picard Jr: Mister Data, have you secured all of the shuttle debris?
Data: Almost. It is being stored in shuttlebay two. Sir.
Picard Jr: Very well. Ensign, as soon as Mister Data is finished take us to Ligos at warp eight.
Crusher: Captain, may I see you privately for a few moments?
Picard Jr: Of course.
Picard Jr: Tea. Earl Gray. Hot. Have you been able to determine the cause of our transformation?
Crusher: Not yet. I'm still waiting for some test results.
Picard Jr: I see. There are one hundred and three members of the science team on Ligos Seven. We should prepare shuttlebay three for a triage center in case they have large numbers of casualties.
Crusher: We'll be ready.
Picard Jr: I see that Ligos Seven is prone to periodic volcanic activity. Perhaps the planet has entered an active phase.
Crusher: Jean-Luc. We need to talk.
Picard Jr: All right. Let's talk. Are you here to relieve me of duty?
Crusher: I'd rather not have to take that step.
Picard Jr: I am still Jean-Luc Picard. My judgment, my experiences, my mental capacities are all intact.
Crusher: That's true, for now. But this could be the first stage of a condition that may begin to affect your mind as well.
Picard Jr: But you see no evidence of that.
Crusher: Not yet. What I do know is that the Captain of this ship has undergone an extreme physical transformation, the ultimate effects of which I can't even begin to guess.
Picard Jr: You are asking me to step down.
Crusher: You are still Jean-Luc Picard. What do you think you should do?
Picard Jr: Commander Riker, please take command of the ship until further notice.
Riker: Understood.
Ro Jr: So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
Guinan Jr: You're not supposed to do anything. That's what relieved of duty means.
Ro Jr: Well, I should be doing something instead of just standing around waiting for them to find a cure.
Guinan Jr: You're right. Let's go play.
Ro Jr: What?
Guinan Jr: I haven't been young for a long time and I intend to enjoy every minute of it.
Ro Jr: Fine. Enjoy yourself.
Guinan Jr: What are you going to do? Go back to your room and pout?
Ro Jr: I am not twelve years old. If I want to go to my quarters and contemplate my situation, that does not mean that I am pouting.
Guinan Jr: Okay, okay.
O'Brien: I could use a cup of coffee. How about you?
Keiko Jr: I'll get it. Two coffees. One with cream and sugar, the other
O'Brien: Black, double sweet
Keiko Jr: I know. One double sweet.
O'Brien: Careful, that's hot.
Keiko Jr: Miles.
O'Brien: Sorry.
Keiko Jr: What's wrong?
O'Brien: It's. I don't know, but this feels wrong somehow.
Keiko Jr: Miles Edward O'Brien, I am still your wife.
O'Brien: Well technically, yes.
Keiko Jr: Technically?
O'Brien: No. I mean, of course you're my wife. But you're also ten years old.
Keiko Jr: Beverly said it's actually closer to twelve.
O'Brien: That's not the point.
Keiko Jr: So what is the point? Is our marriage over?
O'Brien: I didn't say that. But until they find a way to reverse this, this effect, it's going hard for me to ignore the fact that you're a little girl.
Keiko Jr: What if they can't find a way? What if I'm like this the rest of my life? What does that mean for us, for our family?
Molly: Mommy? Mommy.
O'Brien: What's wrong, Sweetheart?
Molly: I want Mommy to read me a story.
Keiko Jr: All right. What story would you like to hear?
Molly: Not you. I want Mommy.
O'Brien: What if Daddy reads you a story tonight? Will that be okay? I'll be right back.
O'Brien: Keiko. It's going to be all right. I promise. We'll work this out.
Keiko Jr: How?
O'Brien: I don't know. First Officer's log, supplemental. The Enterprise has reached the Ligos system, and we have begun to search for the missing Federation science team. Doctor Crusher reports no progress on a cure for the members of the shuttle crew.
Picard Jr: Come.
Troi: I came to see how you're doing.
Picard Jr: I'll have to speak to my tailor, but otherwise I'm well, thank you. It's just so ridiculous. I can't really take myself seriously like this. Counselor, if Doctor Crusher can't find a cure, if I have to stay this way, nobody's going to take me seriously, are they?
Troi: I would say the people that know you and have worked with you, will be able to make the adjustment eventually. But there are some people who would find it difficult to accept a twelve year old captain.
Picard Jr: In that case, I suppose I'll just have to wait until I grow up again before I get another command. Which might be in ten, maybe fifteen years. The question is what to do until then?
Troi: You're still a Starfleet captain. I'm sure there are other assignments you could be given in the interim.
Picard Jr: I've spent thirty years of my life aboard starships I'm not about to sit behind a desk now.
Troi: You could return to the Academy. Take another degree. Brush up on your Latin.
Picard Jr: And be Wesley Crusher's room mate? I will admit that returning to the Academy does have a certain appeal, but I've spent my life looking forward. Going to the Academy again feels like looking backward.
Troi: Then perhaps you could spend the time exploring another interests. Archeology, for instance.
Picard Jr: Leave Starfleet?
Troi: Not permanently, just a sabbatical. You could spend a few years crawling through caves and digging up artifacts, and still have enough time to become the youngest admiral in Starfleet history.
Picard Jr: It would give me a chance to take up Doctor Langford's offer and accompany her to the ruins on Suvin Four. But to leave the Enterprise.
Troi: In a way, you're very lucky. You might have a chance do what most people can only dream about. Have a second childhood without the pain of growing up again.
Crusher: This is Captain Picard's rybo-viroxic-nucleic structure from a tissue sample I took this morning. It's the same as a sample I took before the accident, except it's missing several of the key viroxic sequences.
Riker: It's been a long time since I took genetics, Doctor.
Crusher: RVN is one of the key factors in our development during puberty. Unlike DNA, which never changes, RVN takes on some additional viroxic sequences during adolescence. Those sequences determine how we develop physically.
Riker: Without them we would never mature into adults.
Crusher: Exactly. Somehow, those sequences were eliminated in the Captain and the others during transport.
Riker: So what do we do?
Crusher: Well, we have a couple of options. These are the plants Keiko was carrying on the shuttle. Whatever turned the crew into children turned these plants into seedlings. I accelerated the growth on one of them, and it developed into a perfectly normal adult plant.
Riker: I don't suppose that would work with people?
Crusher: No, but at least we know that if we do nothing at all, they will probably grow up just as they did before.
Riker: That's one option.
Crusher: However, I do have the adult RVN patterns of all four of them. I might be able to send them back through the transporter pattern buffer and replace the missing sequences. But we can't even attempt that until we know why this happened in the first place. If somehow they were to lose more viroxic sequences.
Riker: They would get even younger.
Laforge: Chief, I got the sensor report on the shuttle break-up. It looks like the break-up began near the starboard bulkhead.
O'Brien: There're some bulkhead fragments over here.
Laforge: My visor's picking up some torsional stress damage, some micro-fractures. Hang on a second. What's this?
O'Brien: It looks like tritanium from the hull.
Laforge: Yeah, but look.
Laforge: That's not tritanium anymore. Somehow the molecular structure of this alloy's been changed, broken down into its constituent elements.
O'Brien: No wonder the bulkhead shattered.
Laforge: Yeah. I want to get a sample of this down to Engineering and run a metallurgical analysis.
Guinan Jr: Well, this is exciting.
Ro Jr: Would you rather be playing with dolls?
Guinan Jr: I'd rather be doing almost anything other than sitting here and watching you sulk.
Ro Jr: This isn't some kind of glorious second childhood, Guinan. Our bodies have been violated, changed. Doesn't that bother you?
Guinan Jr: Sure it bothers me, but at the moment I can't do anything about it. So I might as well enjoy it.
Ro Jr: Enjoy what? Where did you get the idea that being short and awkward is some kind of wonderful gift?
Guinan Jr: There must've been some part of childhood that you didn't loathe.
Ro Jr: Look, it was a long, depressing period of my life and I was grateful when it was finally over. I'd rather not relive it.
Guinan Jr: I bet you were a jumper. A jumper. You know, someone who jumped up and down on furniture all the time.
Ro Jr: What?
Guinan Jr: You were a jumper all right. The quiet ones, they always look so innocent. You think you can turn your back on them. Next thing you know, bam! They're bouncing on the bed.
Ro Jr: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Most of the time I didn't even have a bed.
Guinan Jr: Ah but you did have one sometimes and I bet you jumped on it.
Ro Jr: I most certainly did not.
Guinan Jr: Yeah I can see it in your eyes. You can barely resist the urge to leap up and start jumping around like a Tarkassian razorbeast.
Ro Jr: Guinan.
Guinan Jr: Oh yeah, oh yeah
Ro Jr: This is ridiculous.
Guinan Jr: That's right. And don't you dare join me, Ro Laren. You don't like jumping on beds!
Ro Jr: Oh yeah? I can jump higher.
Laforge: We think the shuttle was caught in a molecular reversion field, which caused the structure of the ship to deteriorate. When the field penetrated the hull, it also began to affect the shuttle's crew.
O'Brien: When I tried to beam them off, I wasn't able to get a lock because the reversion field was masking part of the patterns.
Crusher: If the transporter only registered part of the RVN patterns, that would explain why the key sequences are missing.
Laforge: Exactly. With those key sequences missing, the transporter reconstructed them as children.
Riker: If they're right, would you be able to use the transporter to reverse the effects?
Crusher: I think so. As long as there's no reversion field to mask their patterns, we should be able to do it. Chief, can you adjust the molecular imaging scanners to accept
Worf: Bridge to Commander Riker.
Riker: Go ahead.
Worf: We are entering orbit around Ligos Seven, sir.
Riker: On my way. We'll discuss this later.
Riker: Standard orbit, Ensign. Any sign of the science team?
Data: We've been scanning the area since entering the system, but our readings are being disrupted.
Riker: Cause?
Data: Extreme fluctuations in the electromagnetic field. However, there is no evidence of stellar or seismic activity which would cause the interference.
Riker: Any response to our hails, Mister Worf?
Worf: No, sir. I have been attempting to. Commander, two ships decloaking fore and aft. Klingon birds of prey, B'rel class.
Riker: Maximum shields. Take us out of orbit, Ensign. Mister Worf, prepare to return fire.
Riker: Damage report.
Worf: We've lost primary life support. Switching to secondary systems.
Riker: Lock phasers on target bearing to port.
Worf: Phasers locked.
Riker: Fire.
Data: Minor damage to one ship. Its shields are holding.
Worf: Starboard power coupling is down. Warp engines are offline.
Riker: Shields?
Worf: Down to thirteen percent.
Worf: Casualties reported on decks twenty six and twenty seven.
Data: Sensors and secondary generators are offline. Life support down to sixty seven percent.
Riker: Engineering, status report.
Laforge: Those last shots took out auxiliary power and emergency back-up. It's going to take at least an hour to get
Laforge: Warp power back online.
Worf: We have lost shields. Heavy casualties on decks thirty five through forty.
Data: I am detecting transporter signatures in three cargo bays. We are being boarded, sir.
Ferengi: Come with me.
Riker: Initiate intruder alert. All security teams report to
Berik: Put down your weapons.
Riker: Computer, deactivate all command functions. Authorisation, Riker Omega Three
Computer: All command functions suspended.
Morta: This is Morta. We have secured the Bridge. Begin transporting all able-bodied adults to the surface.
Ferengi: Come on, get up there. Up, up.
Berik: They have locked out the command functions.
Morta: You said they would not have time.
Berik: You led the assault team. You were too slow.
Morta: You dare to blame me!
Berik: We have secured the ship, DaiMon, but Morta's incompetence has denied us access to
Morta: My incompetence? DaiMon, you know that I am
Lurin: Enough. Where is the Captain of this ship?
Riker: I'm in command of this vessel. Who are you and on whose authority do you
Lurin: I am DaiMon Lurin and I declare this ship to be a loss and open to claim according to the Ferengi Salvage Code. You will cooperate with our salvage operations or we will begin executing your crew.
Picard Jr: Is everyone all right?
Ro Jr: No fatalities or injuries among the children. The Ferengi have taken control of main Engineering and decks twenty three through thirty seven.
Picard Jr: We have to assume they've also taken the Bridge.
Keiko Jr: Captain, do you know what they've done with the younger children? With my little girl?
Picard Jr: They're taking all the adults down to the surface. It looks like they're keeping all the children on board the ship. Where was your daughter?
Keiko Jr: In primary care on deck fourteen.
Picard Jr: She's probably still there with the others. I wouldn't worry. We need to regain control of the ship. Options?
Ro Jr: We could flood the ship with anesthizine gas.
Picard Jr: That's been locked out with the rest of the command functions.
Ro Jr: If they're typical Ferengi, they're probably very pleased with themselves by now. Maybe even getting a little overconfident.
Picard Jr: Agreed. They might think they don't need as much of their crew to hold the ship. We could use the element of surprise to give us a tactical advantage.
Guinan Jr: Tactical advantage? Jean-Luc, look at your team for a minute. We're children.
Picard Jr: We can't just stay here while our ship is being commandeered.
Guinan Jr: I'm not suggesting that we do. But we can't act as if we were still adults.
Picard Jr: What do you suggest we do?
Guinan Jr: We look like children. Maybe it's time we started acting like children.
Riker: I hope your profit margin's pretty high for this little adventure, because you're risking war with the Federation.
Lurin: We're not affiliated with the Ferengi Alliance. We are in business for ourselves. Yes, it will be highly profitable. For an investment of two surplus Klingon ships, a few repairs and some weapons, we've netted a Federation starship and her crew, not to mention a planet rich in vendarite.
Riker: So that's what this is all about. What did you do with the science team that was on the surface?
Lurin: They have proved most helpful in extracting the mineral.
Riker: You used them as slave laborers.
Lurin: The addition of your crew will greatly speed up the process. As for your ship, I'm sure that it will fetch a handsome price on the Romulan market. But before that can happen, we need to regain access to your central computer.
Riker: You don't really think I'm going to help you.
Lurin: I think that the mines on Ligos Seven can be very hazardous. Now, how many people on your ship?
Riker: One thousand fourteen.
Lurin: Very hazardous, Commander.
Computer: Hello. I'm the classroom computer system. What can I do for you, today?
Picard Jr: Computer, display interior security grid.
Computer: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Would you like to play a game?
Picard Jr: No, I would not. Computer, display an internal schematic diagram.
Computer: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Would you like to see some interesting plants or animals?
Guinan Jr: It's a child's computer, remember? Computer, can you show me a picture of the inside of the Enterprise?
Computer: Yes, I can. The Enterprise is a Galaxy-class starship. Do you know how to spell Enterprise? E N T E
Picard Jr: Delete audio. All right, this'll have to do. We're here. there's a service conduit that runs to here and then leads to a Jeffries tube here. But you and Ensign Ro will still have to cross this corridor before you can get to main Engineering.
Ro Jr: Captain.
Picard Jr: Excellent. Ready? Make it so.
Picard: What the devil?
Alexander: I was just playing. I'm sorry, Captain.
Picard Jr: Alexander, would you mind if I borrowed your toy for a little while?
Alexander: Go ahead.
Picard Jr: Thank you.
Picard: After you.
Keiko Jr: I've got the phasers, Captain.
Ro Jr: This is the first time these Jefferies tubes haven't seemed cramped.
Guinan Jr: How much farther do we have to go?
Ro Jr: About fifty meters. Don't tell me you're tired.
Guinan Jr: I'm not as young as I used to be.
Ro Jr: This is it. Main Engineering. Now we wait.
Picard Jr: Report?
Alexander: Mission accomplished, sir. The one in sickbay never saw me.
Picard Jr: Very good.
Keiko Jr: I'd say we're ready. Have you figured out how to get to the Bridge?
Picard Jr: I'm afraid I can only think of one way.
Berik: What do you want?
Picard Jr: I need to see my father.
Berik: Go back inside.
Picard Jr: I need to see him right now.
Berik: Do not argue with me. Go back inside.
Picard Jr: I need to see him now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Stop it! You've hurt me! I want my father! I want my father!
Berik: All right. Just stop that.
Picard Jr: Let me go!
Berik: Here he is. Now be quiet!
Riker: What is going on?
Picard Jr: Dad!
Riker: So, son, how are you?
Picard Jr: I'm okay.
Riker: And how are your friends, Keiko, Guinan and Ro?
Picard Jr: They're okay too. But
Riker: What's wrong?
Picard Jr: We don't have anything to do. None of the games are working.
Riker: I know. The Ferengi made Daddy turn off the main computer.
Picard Jr: Can't you just turn on the kid's computer in schoolroom eight? We just want to play a few games.
Riker: I don't know if they'll let me do that, Jean-Luc, but I will ask.
Picard Jr: Thanks, Number One. He's my number one Dad.
Child: Here they come.
Keiko Jr: How did it go? Did Commander Riker get the message?
Picard Jr: He understood. We should have access very soon.
Lurin: Come in.
Lurin: I understand your son was here to see you.
Riker: That's right.
Lurin: We Ferengi do not bring our offspring along with us aboard ship.
Riker: Then I suppose that's your loss. We consider our families one of our strengths.
Lurin: I think you will find that they can also be a weakness. Unless you release the computer to our control, I will execute every child on this ship, beginning with yours.
Riker: Even you wouldn't be that cruel.
Lurin: It is cruel to put children in danger by bringing them aboard a starship in the first place.
Riker: All right. Just so you don't harm my son.
Lurin: You will release the computer and show Morta exactly how to use it.
Riker: Computer, release command control this station. Authorisation, Riker Omega three.
Computer: Command functions restored.
Riker: Okay, Morta. The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processing cores, cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat. fourteen kiloquad interface modules. The core element is based on an FTL nanoprocessor with twenty five bilateral kelilactirals, with twenty of those being slaved into the primary heisenfram terminal. Now you do know what a bilateral kelilactiral is?
Morta: Well, of course I do, human. I am not stupid.
Riker: No, of course not. This is the isopalavial interface which controls the main firomactal drive unit. Don't touch that. You'll blow up the entire firomactal drive.
Morta: What? Wait. What is a firomactal drive? Just explain it to me.
Riker: That is the firomactal drive unit. It controls the ramistat core and also keeps the ontarian manifold at forty thousand KRGs.
Riker: The firomactal drive is powered by
Picard Jr: Command lockout has been released. Accessing transporter. Weapons deactivation program is in place. Transporter security field standing by. We're ready.
Ro Jr: Tag!
Guinan Jr: You're it!
Berik: Yes?
Alexander: I found this in the school room. Is it yours?
Picard Jr: That's all of them except for the two on the Bridge. Wait here until I return.
Alexander: Yes, sir.
Riker: So, one more time. The ramistat kiloquad capacity is a function of the square root of the intermix ratio times the sum of the plasma injector quotient.
Lurin: Come in.
Picard Jr: I believe you're in my chair.
Picard: Captain's log, stardate: 46236.3. We have taken Lurin and his men into custody. The Ferengi Alliance has quickly disavowed any knowledge of these renegades. With the mining operation closed and our crew back on board, we can now turn our attention to other problems.
O'Brien: Phase inducers activated. Energy levels nominal.
Crusher: I'm loading the adult patterns into the buffer.
O'Brien: Transposition matrix locked in. That should do it, Captain.
Picard Jr: Energize.
Crusher: How do you feel?
Picard: I feel fine. Everything seems a little smaller.
Ro Jr: It's my mother. The funny thing is, I never really drew a picture of her when I was young. It's just, for some reason I wanted to now.
Guinan: That's the wonderful thing about crayons. They can take you to more places than a starship.
Ro Jr: It's my turn, isn't it?
Guinan: Only if you're ready.
Ro Jr: It's not quite as bad as I remembered it. Being a child, I mean. Well, we'd better get going.
Guinan: Well, what's the hurry? I mean, the transporter will still be there. Why don't you pass me the royal blue.
Ro Jr: Here.
Guinan: Thank you. Did you do this one too?
Ro Jr: I did all of them.
Guinan: All of them?


Picard: Captain's log, stardate 46271.5. The Enterprise has entered orbit of Deinonychus Seven, but our scheduled rendezvous with the supply ship Biko has been delayed for another forty eight hours. In the meantime, many members of the crew are taking advantage of the delay to pursue their own projects, myself included.
Picard: Computer, stop playback. Change the clarinet to an oboe. Continue recording.
Picard: Computer, pause playback. Come.
Picard: Yes, gentlemen?
Laforge: Captain we'd like your permission to take the Engineering computer offline for a couple of hours. We're working on a new interface that would allow Data to act as an emergency backup in the event of a ship-wide systems failure.
Data: In theory, my neural network should be able to sustain key systems until primary control is restored.
Picard: It sounds like an intriguing experiment. I'll be interested to see the results. Permission granted.
Laforge: It's possible we may even be able to run secondary systems through Data. Weapons control, sensor arrays.
Picard: Yes, I get the idea, Mister La Forge. Thank you. Please proceed.
Picard: Computer, begin playback from the first measure.
Picard: Computer, pause recording. Come.
Crusher: Jean-Luc, I need to talk to you about Something for Breakfast.
Picard: Breakfast?
Crusher: The play.
Picard: Ah, yes. Well, it's a very intriguing drama, but I really don't have the time it would take to learn a part. And anyway, I'm not much of an actor.
Crusher: That's no problem.
Picard: Oh?
Crusher: Well, you wouldn't be playing one of the leads.
Picard: Oh.
Crusher: It's a very small part. Only two lines.
Picard: Really.
Crusher: You play the butler.
Picard: Well, I'll think about it and let you know.
Crusher: You would be wonderful, Jean-Luc. We're rehearsing today at one thirty.
Picard: Computer, begin playback from the first measure.
Picard: Computer, pause recording. Yes?
Worf: Captain, I am sorry to interrupt.
Picard: No, please, Mister Worf, come in.
Worf: I was hoping to take advantage of the Biko's delay by staging shipwide security drills. I have planned a tentative schedule.
Picard: Oh yes, this is very impressive, Mister Worf. But we'll be taking on new personnel at Starbase one eighteen in a few weeks. Surely the drills can wait until then.
Worf: In that case, I will use the time to perform maintenance checks on the forward phaser array.
Picard: Mister Worf, is there some reason why you're trying to give yourself more work?
Worf: No, sir. I simply wish to use the extra time
Picard: Enjoy yourself. You have the free time. Use it.
Worf: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Picard: Computer, continue recording and playback once more. From the top.
Alexander: Father! What did he say?
Worf: The Captain saw fit to release me from my duties.
Alexander: You mean you can go?
Worf: I can go.
Alexander: Saddle up, Father.
Worf: Where are we?
Alexander: Deadwood. Nineteenth century Earth. The Ancient West.
Worf: What is our function here?
Alexander: You're the Sheriff and I'm the deputy.
Worf: So, we are in law enforcement.
Alexander: Right.
Data: Geordi, I have noticed that you have not shaved. Are you attempting to grow another beard?
Laforge: As a matter of fact, I am, Data. What do you think?
Data: As is the case with many natural growth processes, it is difficult to envision the end product based on an intermediate stage.
Laforge: You're right. Give it a few more days.
Laforge: Okay, I'm going to need to access your auxiliary inputs.
Data: One moment.
Laforge: I must admit, Data, I never get used to seeing you like this.
Data: I do not understand. You are constantly working on similar electronic systems, yet their appearances do not disturb you.
Laforge: But you're not just another electronic system.
Data: Thank you, Geordi. Nor are you just another biological organism.
Laforge: All right, that should do it. Are you ready?
Data: Yes. Establishing computer linkup. Interface complete.
Laforge: All right, let's see what you can do.
Worf: You wrote this holodeck program yourself?
Alexander: Well, Mister Barclay helped a little.
Worf: I must have a little talk with Mister Barclay.
Eli: If I ever find the varmint who drew this, he'll be sorry he ever put pen to paper. I'm ten times uglier than that, ain't I?
Eli: Shut up. You laugh so much, it's a wonder you ain't got flies in your mouth.
Bandito: You're a very funny man, Senor Eli.
Alexander: That's the bad guy. His name's Eli Hollander. They call him the Butcher of Bozeman. He's killed twenty three men. He's the meanest and the toughest gunslinger in the West. You have to watch him. He's fast.
Worf: So I am here to apprehend him?
Alexander: If you can.
Worf: You are under arrest.
Eli: Is that so.
Worf: You will come with me.
Alexander: No, no, no. Computer, freeze program.
Worf: What is wrong?
Alexander: That was too easy. It has to be harder to beat the bad guys. Otherwise, it's no fun. Computer, increase program difficulty to level four. Go back to where my father and I first walked into the saloon. Come on, Father.
Eli: If I ever find the varmint who drew this, he'll be sorry he ever put pen to paper. I'm ten times uglier than that, ain't I?
Eli: Shut up. You laugh so much, it's a wonder you ain't got flies in your mouth.
Bandito: You're a very funny man, Senor Eli.
Worf: Where are they going?
Alexander: They don't want to get hit by the bullets.
Worf: You are under arrest.
Eli: Well, looks like Sheriff Worf's here to arrest me. That don't sound like a bright idea.
Eli: Do it?
Worf: You have been accused of committing a homicide.
Eli: If you mean murder, then I guess I'm guilty. I've killed twenty three men, Sheriff. One more ain't going to make much of a difference. Of course, shooting someone as ugly as you couldn't be considered a crime, could it? Was you just born that way, or did your momma marry an armadillo?
Alexander: Sheriff, look out!
Worf: I'm beginning to see the appeal of this program.
Eli: Don't twitch a whisker, Sheriff, unless you want a shave. Okay, boys. Saddle up. But first, get their money and jewellry.
Worf: You are a murderer and a thief.
Eli: A man's got to make a living.
Troi: I suggest you find a new line of work.
Alexander: I asked Counselor Troi to join us. She loves Western stories.
Eli: You'll regret this, stranger.
Data: I am now attempting to access the long range sensor array.
Laforge: Forward sensor array coming online. We're getting a clear scan.
Data: I will perform a routine maintenance check on the starboard inertial damping system.
Laforge: Dampers online. Maintenance check in progress. Data, I think we're on to something here. Let's see what you can do with secondary systems. Try gravitational control.
Data: Initiating gravitational
Laforge: What's wrong?
Data: There appears to be an energy fluctuation in my neural net. I am disconnecting my interface to the computer. Interface deactivated.
Laforge: You all right?
Data: I have experienced a brief power surge in my positronic subprocessor. But I am fine.
Laforge: Maybe the interface coding isn't as stable than we thought. Looks like we've got a couple of hours of systems analysis before we can try this again. Let's check the interface programming.
Worf: What are his rights in this century? Is there be a trial or shall I execute him?
Alexander: We're supposed to hold him until the US Marshal comes, and then we'll take him to Rapid City for a trial.
Eli: Frankly, I don't think I'll be around here that long. Not after my old man hears about this.
Worf: What old man are you referring to?
Eli: My pa. When he breaks me out of this tin can, the gravedigger'll be working overtime.
Alexander: Your pa's no match for Sheriff Worf.
Worf: Yes. When your pa comes, we will be ready for him.
Troi: He's right. You're no match for the Hollanders.
Worf: I am sure the three of us can handle any problems.
Troi: Hold on. I was just passing through town, saw a little trouble, thought I'd lend a hand. But I ain't one of your deputies, Sheriff.
Worf: Counselor, I would appreciate some support in this matter.
Troi: Durango. I'm called Durango.
Worf: Yes, er, Counselor Durango, perhaps you would consider becoming a temporary deputy?
Troi: For a price. Five hundred dollars.
Worf: Alexander we require large amounts of currency.
Alexander: Yes, sir. I'll go to the bank and make a withdrawal.
Worf: Deanna, how do you know so much about this period in Earth's history?
Troi: My father used to read me stories from the Ancient West when I was a little girl. I must admit, I always wanted to play the part of the mysterious stranger.
Annie: You are so brave, facing down that evil man like you did.
Worf: Why hank you. Miss?
Annie: Annie, you big galoot. You best not forget that tonight, 'cos I'm going to make you beef steak and some gooseberry cobbler for dessert.
Troi: Sounds delicious.
Annie: And I bought some special candles for the table setting. Pure beeswax.
Worf: I will not be able to come this evening. I have a prisoner.
Troi: I'll watch him for you, Sheriff. You two go have a good time.
Worf: That's very considerate of you, but I would be negligent in my duties if I did not stay. I am sorry, Miss Annie.
Annie: It's another woman, ain't it? It's that floozy down there at Miss Langford's house of pleasure.
Worf: Who?
Eli: You sure got a way with women, Sheriff.
Picard: Computer, activate Picard Mozart trio, program one. Play back tracks one, two and three. Tempo allegro.
Picard: Computer, stop playback. Computer identify musical composition.
Computer: Picard Mozart trio, program one.
Crusher: Okay, let's work through Act two from the beginning. Whenever you're ready.
Riker: Felis catus, is your taxonomic nomenclature. An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
Crusher: Hold it. Will, what are you reading?
Riker: The lines. Why?
Crusher: That's not the right dialogue.
Crusher: Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses contribute to
Riker: I recognize it. This is Data's poetry.
Crusher: What? The play's gone. I just keep getting more poetry.
Laforge: Well, the PADDs are functioning normally. It seems to be a problem with the information retrieval net. Somehow when you tried to call up your play, the computer accessed Data's literary files.
Data: Geordi, perhaps this problem is related to our interface experiment.
Laforge: We'd better run a level two diagnostic on the computer. See if this problem has spread to any other systems.
Data: And I will perform a self-diagnostic.
Laforge: That's a good idea.
Crusher: You will let me know if you find the play?
Laforge: Oh yeah, don't worry. It's in here somewhere.
Bandito: We got him, jefe.
Frank: Where's my boy?
Alexander: I'm not supposed to be kidnapped now. Computer, freeze program! Hey, Computer, freeze program.
Bandito: You want us to kill him, Senor Frank?
Frank: No. He's more valuable to us alive.
Data: Feline supplement one hundred twenty seven. Spot, I have formulated a new mixture of foods specifically designed for your highly selective tastes.
Data: I find it extremely difficult to predict what you will find acceptable. Perhaps hunger will compel you to try it again.
Data: Spot, you are disrupting my ability to work.
Data: Vamoose, you little varmint.
Annie: What'll it be?
Worf: I was looking for my deputy. Perhaps you have seen him.
Annie: Nope. What'll you have?
Worf: Klingon fire wine.
Annie: This ain't Kansas City. We ain't got none of that fancy European stuff here. Maybe I should get you a sherry. Ain't that is what they serve at Miss Langford's? It is, ain't it? Ain't it?
Frank: Howdy, Sheriff.
Worf: Commander, what are you doing here?
Frank: The name is Frank Hollander. What are you smiling at?
Worf: Nothing. Nothing at all, Mister Hollander. What is it you want?
Frank: My boy.
Worf: That is impossible. Your son is to stand trial for murder.
Frank: Well then, we'll just have to work something out. Is there anything you want in exchange for my boy?
Worf: You have nothing I want.
Frank: Is that so? Is that so? What about your deputy?
Worf: What about him? Where is he? I do not negotiate with criminals. Your son will stand trial.
Frank: Not so fast.
Worf: Commander, what are you doing?
Frank: I ain't in the mood for games, Sheriff.
Worf: Data? Commander? Computer, freeze program.
Frank: I wouldn't walk out that door if I was you, Sheriff.
Troi: What's wrong?
Worf: The holodeck safeguards are not functioning. Alexander's in trouble.
Troi: My God, you've been shot! Computer, end program. Troi to Captain Picard. Troi to Security.
Worf: There's another character in the program. Hollander's father. And he looks like Commander Data.
Troi: Data?
Worf: But it is not Data. I cannot explain. I believe he has taken Alexander.
Eli: Oh, now isn't that a shame? Poor Sheriff's been injured. What's the matter? Was my pa a little too rough on you?
Troi: Data?
Eli: What?
Troi: Why is the computer creating characters that look like Data?
Worf: Where have they taken my son? Where is he?
Eli: Temper, temper, Sheriff. My pa ain't going to like if I come home all bruised.
Troi: Worf, wait. We have to remember, even though the holodeck safeguards may be off, this is still a program. If we can just get to the end of this story the way it was designed to play out, the program will automatically terminate.
Worf: You are right. I will begin by speaking to the people of this town. Perhaps someone witnessed Alexander's abduction.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. Commander La Forge and Mister Data believe they have found the cause of the mysterious malfunctions which have been plaguing the ship.
Laforge: We think our interface experiment may have caused one of the computer's core subroutines to be altered.
Data: When the interface malfunction occurred, subroutine C forty seven was replaced by elements from my personal programming.
Riker: What does C forty seven control?
Laforge: Library computer access, replicator selection, recreational programming. No critical systems.
Data: That would explain why your music composition program began playing The Slavonic Dances. I have been analyzing the collected works of Antonin Dvorak.
Laforge: It's the same with Doctor Crusher's play, and with the food replicators.
Riker: The replicators on decks four through nine are producing nothing but cat food.
Picard: Cat food?
Data: I have been formulating nutritional supplements for Spot.
Picard: When can you correct the problem?
Data: We are currently attempting to isolate the corrupt circuit pathways. I reckon the process should take less then two hours.
Picard: What did you say?
Data: I said the process should take less than two hours.
Riker: No, you said I reckon.
Data: According to my memory log, I did not use those words. Ya'll must be mistaken.
Laforge: There, Data, you did it again.
Data: Did whut?
Picard: Mister La Forge, perhaps you should take Mister Data to Engineering. See if you can find the problem.
Laforge: Aye, sir.
Eli: Can I help you with somethin?
Worf: I spoke to several witnesses who saw Alexander being abducted as he was leaving the bank by one of Hollander's men. We must begin a systematic search of the town.
Troi: Worf, we've got another problem. I saw Eli playing cards. He was shuffling the way Data does when he plays poker. He doesn't just look like Data, he has Data's abilities. Which means his father probably does also.
Frank: I've came to see my boy.
Worf: Remove your weapon.
Frank: Better take a good look at that gun, Sheriff. You might be seeing it again real soon.
Eli: Pa?
Frank: Eli! How are they treating you, boy?
Eli: Real bad, pa. They ain't fed me since I got here and the Sheriff's been roughin up on me somethin fierce.
Frank: Don't you worry, boy. The Sheriff's going to pay. Who's the stranger?
Eli: Don't know. She ain't said her name. But she's in cahoots with the Sheriff and she's mighty mean with that Winchester.
Frank: You sit tight, boy. I'll have you home in time for supper. I'm going to give you one more opportunity, Sheriff, to avoid a ugly situation. Release my boy.
Worf: I have reconsidered your offer. I will release your son in exchange for my deputy.
Frank: I thought you might have a change of heart. Meet me in two hours. You be in front of the saloon. I'll be in front of the livery station. Strangers ain't invited.
Worf: Agreed.
Troi: In every Western I've ever read, the villains always break their word. he can't be trusted.
Worf: But we have made an honorable agreement.
Troi: They're not concerned with honor, Worf. This is the Ancient West. There's a gunfighter out there who has the speed and accuracy of an android. And in two hours, he's going to try to kill you.
Riker: Mister Data.
Data: Howdy, Commander.
Riker: Geordi, what have you found?
Data: Well, we figure part of my memory structure was replaced with information from the computer's recreational data base.
Laforge: Specifically, the files relating to the nineteenth century American West.
Riker: That would explain the accent.
Data: You got it, partner.
Riker: This is a result of the experimental interface?
Laforge: I'm afraid so. But we've initiated a progressive memory purge to restore Data's programming to its original state. He should be back to normal in a couple of hours.
Riker: And what about the computer's recreational data base?
Laforge: We started a memory purge there as well. It'll take another hour, maybe two.
Data: Commander. You just sit tight. We'll have this all fixed up in time for supper.
Riker: Good.
Worf: I will be positioned here, at the eastern end of the street. Frank Hollander says he will approach from this end. When he reaches this point, he will be within range.
Troi: Understood. What about Alexander?
Worf: There's a rain barrel in front of the saloon. It should be enough to stop the bullets.
Annie: You would not believe what I went through to get old man Newsom to give up his telegraph machine.
Worf: Excellent.
Annie: Lord knows why I keep risking my life for you, Sheriff.
Worf: Oh, yes. Thank you, Miss Annie. I am in your debt.
Worf: I have connected the communicator's energy cell to serve as the power source.
Troi: How long will the field last?
Worf: No more than fifteen seconds. It is highly unstable.
Troi: Let's hope it's enough.
Frank: Eli, get down!
Worf: Alexander!
Troi: Don't even think about it.
Mexican: Senor Frank!
Frank: Go ahead. Shoot me.
Worf: Do not show your face in this town again.
Frank: Let's go.
Alexander: Father!
Worf: Are you all right?
Alexander: Yes.
Worf: End program.
Troi: I don't understand this. The story should be over. What's left?
Worf: Computer, end program.
Annie: Sheriff! You're as handy with a shooting iron as you are with a woman's heart.
Worf: Computer, end program! Computer! Now!
Picard: Captain's log, stardate 46278.3. Both Commander Data and the ship's computer have been restored to normal operation. Our rendezvous with the supply ship Biko has proceeded as planned.
Alexander: Father? After what happened I guess you'll never want to go back to the Ancient West.
Worf: The town of Deadwood may face danger once again. If they do, they will need a Sheriff and a deputy.