Picard: Captain's log, Stardate 42779.1. We're en route to the Epsilon Nine Sector for astronomical survey of a new pulsar cluster. In the meantime, Ensign Crusher will be diverting to Starbase Five One Five for Starfleet exams.
Riker: This just came in for you from Starfleet
Wesley: Testing parameters?
Data: Do not be apprehensive. Wes. I found the Academy examinations quite elementary.
Wesley: You would.
Riker: Your earlier test results were good enough to get you Academy credit for your work here. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Wesley: Those Academy cadets can be extremely competitive.
Riker: But you have the practical experience, Wes.
Data: Commander Riker is correct. While the information imparted to cadets at the Academy is unquestionably vital for prospective Starfleet officers, it nevertheless requires a significant period of supplementary systems training and situational diskiplines.
Riker: Didn't I just say that?
Data: Yes, sir, but not quite as perspicuously.
Picard: I will not have you telling me what course to set.
Pulaski: As Chief Medical Officer, I am ordering you to report to Starbase Five One Five immediately.
Picard: Oh, please. I feel fine.
Pulaski: The truth is, you've ignored this far too long.
Picard: This ship has a mission to carry out.
Pulaski: An astronomical survey to be conducted by the science officers, I believe.
Picard: And I 'was looking forward to seeing the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster for myself.
Pulaski: Then we'll perform the procedure right here.
Picard: Absolutely not.
Pulaski: My staff and I are fully capable of giving you the replacement.
Picard: That's not the point. It would be It would be inappropriate for you to carry out the procedure.
Pulaski: Captain Picard, I had no idea. You do have an ego, don't you?
Picard: Meaning?
Pulaski: You're concerned about your image. Don't worry. If you get yourself down to Starbase Five One Five, your image will be safe with me.
Wesley: Captain, excuse me.
Picard: Ensign. I understand you're leaving for Starbase Five One Five.
Wesley: Yes, sir. I was just going to shuttlebay two.
Picard: Good. I have business there. I shall accompany you.
Wesley: You will? I mean, yes sir.
Picard: Prepare the shuttle for immediate departure.
Wesley: Aye, sir.
Riker: Something I can take care of for you on Starbase Five One Five?
Picard: Hardly, Number One.
Riker: But you'll miss the Epsilon Pulsar survey.
Picard: I'm well aware of that fact. You have the Bridge. Carry on.
Picard: Come. Yes, what is it, Number One?
Riker: Is something wrong? This trip to Starbase Five One Five is rather unexpected.
Picard: Ensign Crusher and I will rendezvous with you on your return from the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster.
Riker: Forgive my saying so, sir, but you're being rather enigmatic.
Picard: Consider it Captain's privilege.
Riker: As First Officer, I have complete security clearance.
Picard: This has nothing to do with ship's business, Number One. Suffice it to say, it is strictly a matter of image.
Laforge: Relax, Wes. You'll do fine on your exams.
Sonya: Yeah.
Wesley: It's not my exams I'm worried about. It's Captain Picard.
Sonya: Why? He's not taking the exams.
Wesley: It's just the two of us, in a shuttlecraft for six hours. What am I going to talk to Captain Picard about for six hours?
Sonya: Archeology, semantics, literature, art. You could learn a lot from Captain Picard.
Laforge: Ah, Captain Picard. Nice day for a little trip.
Wesley: Shuttle number two is ready for departure.
Data: The Enterprise is at impulse speed. You are cleared for take off.
Riker: Data, wasn't the Captain looking forward to this mission to the Epsilon Pulsar Cluster?
Data: So he said.
Riker: Then what would make him change his mind? Why would he leave the ship now?
Worf: Commander, receiving a mayday on all frequencies.
Riker: Source?
Worf: Rhomboid Dronegar Sector zero zero six
Riker: Detail?
Worf: Ship. Unidentified. Distress. Nothing more.
Riker: Set course for Rhomboid Dronegar zero zero six, warp seven.
Data: Sir, Rhomboid Dronegar sector would put us at considerable distance from Captain Picard.
Riker: I know, Data. I know.
Data: Entering Rhomboid Dronegar Sector zero zero six.
Worf: I have a ship on target path.
Riker: Slow to impulse speed.
Helm: Aye, sir.
Riker: Viewer.
Worf: Deploy shields, sir?
Riker: Hold fast. Data?
Data: Basic early design. Capable of sub-light travel only.
Worf: Sir, we are being hailed.
Riker: On screen.
Riker: I am First Officer William Riker of the USS Enterprise. We're responding to your distress signal.
Riker: What is your problem?
Grebnedlog: We are far from home.
Riker: Aren't we all. But you sent out a Mayday?
Riker: Do you need help?
Grebnedlog: We are Pakleds. Our ship is the Mondor. It is broken.
Grebnedlog: We are far from home. We need help.
Laforge: Let me guess. Their rubber band broke, right?
Data: Sensors indicate engineering problems. They're experiencing total guidance system failure, with less than twenty four hours' reserve power.
Laforge: Maybe I can help.
Riker: What brings you so far from home?
Grebnedlog: We look for things.
Riker: What were you looking for?
Grebnedlog: Things we need.
Riker: Can you be more specific?
Grebnedlog: Things that make us go. We need help.
Riker: What is the nature of your mission?
Grebnedlog: We look for things.
Riker: Did you hear an echo?
Laforge: Commander, from the looks of their ship, I could have them up and running in no time.
Riker: You sure?
Laforge: Yeah, no problem.
Riker: Very well. Our Chief Engineer will beam over to help you. Close.
Worf: Commander? Do we truly need to send our Chief Engineer over to them?
Riker: Obviously they need our help.
Worf: Why do we not simply give them the information they need to make their own repairs?
Riker: Do you honestly get the impression they could handle our technical specifications?
Worf: We do not know anything about them.
Riker: Acknowledged, Mister Worf. We have an obligation to render aid. Report to the transporter Room with all necessary gear.
Laforge: Aye, sir.
Worf: We need more information.
Riker: Do you have anything else on them?
Data: They are a relatively benign species.
Riker: Don't they seem a little slow?
Data: They may merely have poorly developed language skills.
Worf: What about weapons?
Data: Scanners shows limited armaments.
Riker: I think we can relax, Mister Worf. They can't even move their ship without our help. We certainly have them outmanned and outgunned.
Wesley: ETA thirteen thirty hours, sir. It's not exactly warp speed.
Picard: More like a late twenty-second century interplanetary journey.
Wesley: Sir?
Picard: You should read more history, Ensign.
Wesley: Yes, sir.
Picard: Complete waste of time.
Wesley: Pardon?
Picard: I shouldn't be taking this trip at all. I should be back on board the Enterprise.
Wesley: Why are you coming with me to Starbase Five One Five, sir?
Picard: Well, it's certainly not my idea. I'm sorry, Ensign, I didn't mean to take it out on you. I just hate the prospect of another damned cardiac replacement.
Wesley: Cardiac replacement? I didn't know.
Picard: Well, now you do.
Wesley: A parthenogenetic implant?
Picard: What else would it be? My heart was injured and a replacement was necessary. That would have been it, except that the replacement is faulty.
Wesley: Why would anyone use a faulty replacement?
Picard: Just pilot the shuttle, Ensign.
Laforge: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, it's okay. I'm here to help.
Grebnedlog: We are far from home.
Laforge: Who's in charge of Engineering?
Grebnedlog: My friend. His name is Reginod.
Laforge: Think I could meet him?
Grebnedlog: He is Reginod.
Laforge: Yes, I think you mentioned that.
Reginod: We look for things.
Laforge: So I've heard.
Grebnedlog: Can you make our ship go?
Laforge: Yes, I think so.
Grebnedlog: We look for things to make us go.
Laforge: Fellas, why don't you show me where your guidance system is, okay? Excuse me.
Reginod: He is smart.
Troi: Commander? Lieutenant La Forge is on an alien ship?
Riker: Yes. We're rendering assistance to some curious throwbacks.
Data: How they ever mastered the rudiments of space travel is a genuine curiosity.
Troi: Commander. Those aliens. What they feel is not helplessness. Lieutenant La Forge is in great danger! He's in danger, great danger.
Riker: Can you be more specific, Counselor?
Troi: It's not our help they want.
Riker: Well, our help is all they're going to get. They can't force us into anything, can they?
Troi: You think they're weak.
Riker: Look at them. They're certainly not Jarada or Romulans.
Data: Our Betazoid Counselor is often aware of things beyond our perceptive abilities.
Picard: Van Doren's technique has been perfected to two point four percent.
Wesley: Sir?
Picard: The cardiac replacement procedure. It has a very low mortality rate. Two point four percent.
Wesley: Those are pretty good odds.
Picard: Just not overly thrilled at the prospect of having my innards becoming the subject of Starfleet gossip.
Wesley: Of course not, sir. Why didn't you just have Doctor Pulaski perform the operation? I'm sure you could've trusted her to keep it quiet.
Picard: Let's say I have personal reasons and leave it at that, shall we?
Laforge: The power needs to be rerouted through this venturi chamber before it can be channeled to the engine's coils.
Reginod: It is broken.
Laforge: Yeah, but not for long. See, we are going to reconfigure these separators, here and over here.
Riker: Lieutenant La Forge, this is Commander Riker. Come in.
Laforge: Yes, Commander. Go ahead.
Riker: Are you all right?
Laforge: Sure. Why do you ask?
Riker: Counselor Troi has expressed misgivings about your absence from the Enterprise.
Laforge: I don't think there's anything to worry about.
Riker: Understood. As soon as you complete the repairs, I want you back here.
Laforge: Yes, sir, I should be done here momentarily.
Laforge: You see? Like that. There. Your guidance is now up and running.
Laforge: Main power failure?
Grebnedlog: Will our ship go now?
Laforge: Your guidance is operational, but you're not going anywhere, not with a main power failure.
Grebnedlog: It is broken.
Reginod: Can you make it go?
Laforge: Commander Riker?
Laforge: I have a problem.
Riker: On screen.
Laforge: It looks like this is going to take a little bit longer than I anticipated.
Wesley: I guess you would have preferred Commander Riker as a traveling companion.
Picard: What?
Wesley: It's okay. You're not too comfortable with me. I understand.
Picard: Ensign. Wesley, that's not true. You're a fine young man.
Wesley: You don't have to say that, sir. It's pretty obvious how you feel.
Picard: Is it? How so?
Wesley: Everyone knows. You don't like kids. That's too bad. You'd have made a good father.
Picard: Thank you.
Wesley: Didn't you ever wish you had kids of your own?
Picard: Wishing for a thing does not make it so.
Riker: We send him over there for one set of repairs, now they need him for more.
Data: Apparently, their ship is apparently quite fragile.
Riker: This is Riker on the Enterprise.
Laforge: Almost got it, Commander.
Grebnedlog: We look for things.
Riker: Apparently your ship is in need of more than minor repair.
Grebnedlog: Things to make it go.
Riker: We will use our tractor beam to tow you to the nearest base.
Grebnedlog: He can make it go.
Riker: Yes, but we need our Chief Engineer back on board our ship.
Grebnedlog: He is smart.
Laforge: All done, Commander.
Riker: Prepare to beam over.
Laforge: Yes, sir.
Reginod: You are good.
Laforge: We aim to please.
Reginod: We need you.
Laforge: I'm flattered. Look, fellas, I hate to repair and run, but if you'll excuse me. One to beam aboard.
Laforge: Hey! Don't!
Riker: Transporter room, beam La Forge back immediately.
Chief: Aye negative response, sir.
Riker: Try again!
Chief: Negative response!
Data: The Pakled ship has a shield up, sir.
Riker: A shield? What kind?
Data: It appears to be beyond their technology. Similar to Romulan shields.
Riker: Do not interfere with our transporter beam. Drop your shields.
Riker: Status?
Worf: Viewer transmission terminated and blocked.
Riker: Hail on all frequencies.
Data: Running frequency search. Negative, sir.
Riker: They're ignoring us.
Data: Apparently so.
Riker: Shields up.
Worf: Shields up.
Riker: Sensors at maximum sensitivity.
Data: Sensors at maximum.
Worf: Phasers ready, sir.
Picard: Would you care for some coffee, Ensign?
Wesley: No, thank you, sir.
Picard: How about a sandwich?
Wesley: I don't think so, sir.
Picard: Oh, come on, it's been hours. You must be hungry.
Wesley: Thank you, sir.
Picard: Here.
Wesley: Were you ever married?
Picard: Never had the time.
Wesley: Don't you ever get lonely?
Picard: For ambitious Starfleet officers, there are certain costs involved. One must be cautious of long-term commitments, Wesley.
Wesley: No problem. Where women are concerned, I am in complete control.
Picard: Really? I always rather had to work at that.
Wesley: Have you always been so diskiplined?
Picard: Good Lord, no. If I was, I wouldn't have this problem.
Wesley: I don't understand.
Picard: Well, I was a young Starfleet officer, not many years older than you are now. Top of my Academy Class. Green as hell. And oh, so cocky. Too cocky, as it turned out.
Wesley: What happened?
Picard: Several friends and I were on leave at Farspace Starbase Earhart. It was little more than a galactic outpost in those days.
Wesley: Was this before the Klingons joined the Federation?
Picard: That's right. Well, my mates and I were at the Bonestell Recreation Facility, which was something of a dead rough crossroads at the time, filled with an assorted bunch of galactic riffraff. When a trio of Nausicaans came in, they were clearly spoiling for a confrontation with a group of fresh-faced Starfleet officers such as ourselves. Well, everyone in the group had the good sense to give these Nausicaans a wide berth, to stand off. Everyone, that is, except me. I stood toe to toe with the worst of the three, and I told him what I thought of him, his pals, his planet, and I possibly made some passing reference to his questionable parentage. And the next thing I knew, all three of them were on me and I was fighting for my life. I was actually doing quite well for a while, too.
Wesley: You fought them? And won?
Picard: I had this one Nausicaan down in this somewhat devious joint-lock when, unbeknownst to me, one of his chums drew his weapon and impaled me through the back. Curious sensation, actually. Not much pain. Shock, certainly, at the sight of serrated metal sticking through my chest. A certain giddy warmth. In fact I do actually remember that I laughed out loud. Well, it pierced my heart, of course. Well, if we'd not been so near to a medical facility, I would surely have died.
Wesley: Really? Then what happened?
Picard: Nothing. I was no hero, Wesley. I was an undiskiplined, loud-mouthed, opinionated young man who was way out of his league. I learned a very hard, very painful lesson that day, but I learned it well. I hope you never have to learn it the same way. Care for another sandwich?
Wesley: Please.
Riker: Come on, Data.
Data: I am programming the comm. system to scan the interference patterns, but a full analysis will take time.
Laforge: You be careful with that thing.
Grebnedlog: You want to hurt us.
Laforge: What? I came here to help you.
Reginod: We can make more.
Grebnedlog: Make more weapons.
Laforge: Wait a minute. You have a replicator?
Grebnedlog: It is not broken.
Laforge: I didn't come here to give you weapons.
Grebnedlog: You will make more.
Worf: Commander, a photon torpedo may penetrate their shield.
Riker: Any hostile move on our part could jeopardize Geordi.
Worf: Agreed. But what do the Pakleds want?
Riker: Counselor?
Troi: They have what they want. For now.
Wesley: We're approaching Starbase Five One Five, sir.
Picard: At last. Did you read that book I gave you?
Wesley: Some of it.
Picard: That's reassuring.
Wesley: I just don't have much time.
Picard: There is no greater challenge than the study of philosophy.
Wesley: But William James won't be in my Starfleet exams.
Picard: The important things never will be. Anyone can be trained in the mechanics of piloting a starship.
Wesley: But Starfleet Academy
Picard: It takes more. Open your mind to the past. Art, history, philosophy. And all this may mean something.
Troi: It's all deception. Nothing the Pakleds have said or done has been sincere.
Data: Intensified scan shows their guidance system to be perfectly intact, as is their power generator.
Riker: Then what was Geordi repairing?
Data: Apparently, the putative malfunctions were carefully programmed into their ship's computer.
Riker: I didn't think the Pakleds had that kind of technology.
Data: They seem to have made some technological leaps forward, Commander.
Riker: Why would they go through the charade of needing our help?
Troi: For the sole purpose of making Lieutenant La Forge their prisoner. Captain's personal log, stardate 42779.5. We have arrived at Starbase Five One Five. I'm still quite uneasy, despite assurances that this medical procedure poses little risk.
Picard: I hope you won't be late for your exams.
Wesley: I still have some time, sir.
Picard: Why do I get the distinct impression you're acting like some kind of escort?
Wesley: Doctor Pulaski asked me to make sure you actually went inside.
Picard: That woman. She would.
Wesley: Sir?
Picard: Yes, what is it, Ensign?
Wesley: I enjoyed our trip together, sir.
Picard: So did I.
Data: They are initiating visual contact, sir.
Riker: Maybe now we'll find out what they really want.
Grebnedlog: Enterprise.
Riker: We demand that you return our crewmember immediately.
Grebnedlog: Request denied.
Riker: Lower your shield!
Grebnedlog: Request denied.
Riker: Stop it! What do you want?
Grebnedlog: You think we are not smart.
Riker: I think you need to continue to develop.
Grebnedlog: We are smart.
Riker: Prove it. Return our man to us.
Grebnedlog: You want him?
Riker: Yes, damn it.
Grebnedlog: Good. We want all computer information from your ship. Now.
Riker: We've got a man held hostage by alien forces and all I have are no-option options. I need some input.
Pulaski: Is Geordi all right?
Worf: He's already been hit by multiple phaser stuns.
Pulaski: He could need medical attention.
Worf: Security team stands ready to take the initiative, sir.
Riker: Data?
Data: Our options have not changed. We can either respond to the Pakled demand or not. We can either use force or not.
Riker: Allowing them access to our computer is a complete breech of Starfleet security.
Worf: Then force it must be.
Surgeon: Don't worry about a thing, Captain. We've done this a hundred times, and we're ready when you are.
Picard: Just get on with it, Doctor. I've got work to do.
Surgeon: Activate Sterile Field. Neural calipers.
Surgeon: This will be a secondary cardiac procedure with mid-line entry and excision of the early model unit. I anticipate no complications, as the patient has had positive primary results and exhibits extraordinary physical condition. We'll all be home in time for dinner. Tissue mitigator.
Data: There's limited information available on Pakled culture, but the eclectic range of their equipment suggests their technology was borrowed from others.
Troi: And now they have become militant.
Data: So it would seem.
Riker: Rationale?
Troi: They are unwilling to wait for the timely evolution of their species' intellectual capacity. They want instant knowledge, instant power and gratification.
Pulaski: The more they get, the more they want.
Riker: And the more aggressive and dangerous they become. I think it's time we set some limits.
Data: To what effect, sir? We are faced with an impossible conundrum.
Riker: Suppose we turn their impatience and greed against them?
Pulaski: But how?
Riker: Perhaps Geordi should give them something they want. Something important. Then we simply create the right moment for him to take it away, and get him the hell out of there.
Troi: Would you be suggesting a ruse of some sort?
Riker: I would.
Pulaski: But what if we fail? What'll happen to Geordi then?
Riker: We have no other choice. We have to try.
Surgeon: There's been some capillary reaction here. Let's proceed carefully. We'll need sharper focus on the thoracic polychromatics and verification of myocardial enzyme balance.
Laforge: Let me talk to them. I'll get you their computer banks.
Grebnedlog: We want to be smart.
Laforge: So open the hailing frequency. They'll listen to me.
Grebnedlog: We are smart.
Reginod: We need their computer things.
Grebnedlog: Yes. Yes.
Laforge: Hey, let me talk to him. I'll get you their computer banks.
Grebnedlog: We want to be smart.
Laforge: So open the hailing frequency. They'll listen to me.
Grebnedlog: We are smart.
Reginod: We need their computer things.
Grebnedlog: Yes. Yes.
Laforge: Commander Riker?
Riker: Yes, Lieutenant, we're here.
Laforge: The Pakleds seem pretty sincere.
Grebnedlog: We want what we want.
Riker: Our computer banks are non-negotiable.
Grebnedlog: We want them.
Laforge: Believe me, they're nothing if not persistent.
Grebnedlog: We want to be nothing if not persistent.
Laforge: Nobody ever said they were great conversationalists.
Riker: Where did they get their shields?
Grebnedlog: Yes. We like shields.
Laforge: Well, from what I've seen, half the systems on this ship have been stolen from Romulans, Klingons, Jarada, just about anybody they've ever came in contact with.
Grebnedlog: We like to be smart.
Riker: Confirmed, Lieutenant La Forge. They steal technology.
Data: But they lack the ability to use it properly.
Riker: You're an excellent Chief Engineer, Lieutenant La Forge.
Laforge: Thank you, sir.
Riker: And of course your knowledge of phaser and photon weaponry is unmatched.
Laforge: That's nice of you to say, sir, but really Lieutenant Worf
Riker: Our missions are always inherently dangerous, and any of us could be called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice at any time.
Laforge: Yes, sir, but
Riker: Speaking of time. This may be your time. I shall personally miss you.
Data: Goodbye, Geordi. I shall miss you at weapons systems analysis.
Laforge: And I guess you'll just have to arm your photon torpedo countdowns without me.
Data: As well as our hydrogen collectors. Fond farewell.
Grebnedlog: He knows about weapons.
Reginod: You can make us strong.
Laforge: It's not something I really like to talk about.
Worf: Any classified weapons knowledge you share with your captors will be considered treason.
Laforge: But I may have no choice.
Worf: You will die without honor.
Laforge: Thanks a lot, Worf.
Worf: You will never attain the twenty fourth level of awareness.
Laforge: Twenty-four? That's quite a challenge.
Worf: Indeed. Twenty four is the gateway to heroic salvation.
Pulaski: Do you think he understands?
Riker: He'd better.
Troi: He's afraid.
Riker: We all are, Counselor.
Grebnedlog: You are smart.
Laforge: Not smart enough. I'm still here.
Grebnedlog: Make us strong.
Laforge: I thought you wanted me to help you go. Why don't we work on that guidance system, okay?
Grebnedlog: Make us strong, or die.
Surgeon: It's not working. Something's wrong. The metabolation occlusions aren't holding. Damn it! I can't stop the heterocyclic declination. Fuse.
Surgeon: Again! We need a biomolecular physiologist in here. This man is dying.
Medic: Right away, sir.
Laforge: You've got to be kidding.
Grebnedlog: Make us strong.
Laforge: Come on. There's not enough juice in these to blow up a passing asteroid.
Grebnedlog: Do it. Make us strong.
Laforge: I suppose we could increase the anti-matter charges.
Reginod: Yes. We like power.
Laforge: Yeah.
Grebnedlog: Do not try to trick us. We can tell.
Physiologist: Metabolation?
Surgeon: Negative.
Physiologist: Heterocyclics?
Surgeon: Failing. And capillary integrity too unpredictable to attempt a resect.
Physiologist: You're unwilling to make the attempt??
Surgeon: I'm not qualified.
Physiologist: I know someone who is.
Sonya: Are you sure he can do it, sir? Geordi's an engineer, not a weapons specialist.
Riker: If anyone can improvise, it's Geordi.
Sonya: What makes you think the Pakleds even have that kind of gear on board?
Data: Ongoing scanning indicates progressive weapons potential. The timing will be crucial. Geordi must correctly interpret our intentions.
Riker: Geordi's up to speed. I trust his instincts.
Data: The Pakleds did hear our little fiction about Geordi's weapons knowledge.
Riker: Exactly. And since they equate intelligence with strength, they won't pass up the chance to use that knowledge. Can you do it?
Sonya: Count on it.
Worf: Bridge to Commander Riker!
Riker: Go ahead, Bridge.
Worf: I am receiving an emergency summons from Starbase Five One Five. Captain Picard
Worf: Is close to death.
Riker: Be ready.
Reginod: We are strong.
Laforge: You're now armed to the teeth.
Grebnedlog: Teeth are for chewing.
Laforge: You have photon torpedo. You are strong.
Grebnedlog: We are strong. We have power.
Data: Positive indication of armed photon torpedoes, Commander.
Riker: Geordi did it.
Worf: Starbase requests we proceed to base at warp nine
Pulaski: We've got to go.
Troi: Yes. the Captain needs our help.
Riker: We can't leave Geordi behind. I want the Pakleds on that screen and I want them now.
Data: Forced spectrum communications are spotty at best, sir.
Riker: Do it.
Riker: This is the Enterprise. Return our personnel or face immediate reprisal.
Grebnedlog: We are strong now. We have better weapons.
Riker: Are you prepared to use them?
Reginod: We are a force now. We will have respect. Power.
Riker: We don't have time for this. You want power? Here's power. Riker to Ensign Gomez.
Sonya: Ready, Commander Riker.
Riker: Prepare firing sequencing.
Riker: Start firing countdown from twenty four.
Laforge: I can't believe it! My friends, my people, they're trying to kill us! Kill me!
Grebnedlog: Believe it. They are violent.
Laforge: Okay, they want to play rough, that's fine with me. Just let me check something.
Grebnedlog: Good. He is on our side now.
Riker: Begin firing sequence.
Computer: Twenty four, twenty three
Computer: Twenty two. twenty one, twenty
Worf: Firing sequence proceeding, sir.
Riker: Hold fast.
Computer: Eighteen, seventeen
Computer: Sixteen, fifteen
Laforge: Don't do anything yet.
Computer: Fourteen, thirteen.
Reginod: What are you doing?
Laforge: Making sure your systems are operative.
Grebnedlog: We will attack. We are strong.
Computer: Nine, eight, seven, six, five
Reginod: We should attack now.
Laforge: Just another second. We can't afford a mis-fire here.
Computer: Two, one.
Grebnedlog: Hurry.
Riker: Fire.
Laforge: Now!
Laforge: No! Too late!
Reginod: We have fired! They will be destroyed.
Laforge: They used their crimson force field.
Grebnedlog: It did not shoot.
Laforge: No, the crimson force field has disarmed us.
Reginod: They are smart.
Grebnedlog: We are not strong.
Riker: Drop your shields.
Riker: Allow us transport Lieutenant La Forge immediately.
Data: Shields are down.
Riker: Transporter room, beam one to the Bridge.
Chief: Aye, sir.
Riker: Set heading for Starbase Five One Five, warp nine.
Laforge: Blowing that hydrogen exhaust through the Bussard collectors sure put on a nice light show.
Riker: Harmless, but effective. Were you able disable the photons?
Laforge: Just in time. That's why you're still here.
Nurse: Deactivating neural calipers.
Picard: What the hell are you doing here?
Pulaski: Saving your life.
Picard: Oh, come on. This is a routine procedure. Quite commonplace.
Pulaski: True. But you are not a commonplace man. You'll be out of recovery in four hours.
Picard: I didn't want you involved in this.
Pulaski: You're welcome.
Picard: If you're here, the entire crew must know.
Pulaski: You're still the Captain. Invincible.
Picard: Thank you.
Picard: I beg your pardon?
Laforge: Looks like things are back to normal.
Picard: I'm pleased to report that Ensign Crusher's Starfleet exam results permit him to continue his studies on board the Enterprise. Furthermore, any rumors of my brush with death are greatly exaggerated. Is that clear?
Riker: Yes, sir.
Picard: Then, Ensign Crusher, set course for the Epsilon Sector, warp five. Engage.


Picard: Number One, will you join me in the Ready room?
Riker: Yes, sir.
Picard: I've just come from a meeting with Admiral Moore. He wanted to discuss this.
Picard: Recognize it?
Riker: Sounds like it might be an SOS.
Picard: Good guess. You're quicker than Starbase research. It took them hours to determine this was a distress beacon.
Riker: When was it detected?
Picard: Last month. Just kicked in without any warning.
Riker: Who used the beacon?
Picard: It's Terran.
Riker: Captain, I'm familiar with most Earth codes, and
Picard: Interesting. Yes, that code hasn't been used in centuries.
Riker: What was its origin point?
Picard: Ficus sector.
Riker: Captain, I don't think there's any record of an Earth colony in that area.
Picard: Now we know there's someone out there and they're asking for help.
Riker: But who?
Picard: Let's try and find out. Computer, download all information regarding signal beacon from Starbase mainframe.
Computer: Distress beacon used by the European Hegemony.
Riker: The European Hegemony?
Picard: A loose alliance formed in the early part of the twenty second century. It was the first stirrings of world government. You should read more history, Number One. Computer, locate exact dates in which this signal beacon was in general use.
Computer: Old Earth calendar, 2123 until 2190.
Riker: No extraterrestrial source ever used this code?
Computer: Negative.
Picard: Locate all Earth deep space launches from 2123 until 2190, with a destination in or near the Ficus sector.
Computer: Working.
Riker: Nothing for Ficus.
Picard: Damn it, who's out there?
Riker: Lost sheep.
Picard: Let's go see if we can find them.
Data: Medical emergency. Doctor Pulaski to the Bridge.
Picard: What happened?
Data: He just collapsed, sir.
Picard: Captain's log, stardate 42823.2. We're departing from Starbase Seven Three to investigate the source of the mysterious distress signal. Meanwhile, my Security Officer remains in Sickbay, where Doctor Pulaski is searching for the cause of his collapse.
Worf: I am fine.
Pulaski: You're not fine. You fainted.
Worf: I did not faint. Klingons do not faint.
Pulaski: Excuse me, I'll rephrase. This Klingon suffered a dramatic drop in blood pressure, his blood glucose level dropped, there was deficient blood flow resulting from circulatory failure. In other words, he curled up his toes and laid unconscious on the floor.
Worf: Doctor, there is no need to insult me.
Pulaski: Worf, I am worried. Now, something is wrong. Klingons don't faint. Forgive me. I just can't think of another word that applies. You're sick.
Worf: Klingons do not give in to illness.
Pulaski: Just stay right where you are. I have to check something with the computer. Lieutenant, you have rop'ngor.
Worf: But that is a childhood ailment!
Pulaski: Yes.
Worf: How shall I live down the humiliation?
Pulaski: Worf, you can't help.
Worf: Still, for a warrior to find himself in such a situation.
Pulaski: So you've got the Klingon version of the measles.
Worf: How would Commander Riker feel if he had the measles.
Pulaski: Pretty silly.
Picard: Doctor Pulaski, how is Lieutenant Worf?
Pulaski: He's in no danger. Worf was just observing a Klingon ritual involving fasting, and he didn't take into account that you have to decrease your physical activity as you decrease your caloric intake. Pulaski out.
Worf: Thank you. I am in your debt.
Picard: Come.
Data: Captain, I have been considering the problem of the missing ship. Although there is no record of a launch to the Ficus sector, which would not be unusual considering the chaos of the early twenty second century, someone had to load that ship.
Picard: The manifest.
Data: Yes, sir.
Picard: There it is. SS Mariposa, loaded 27th November, 2123. Destination Ficus sector. Captain Walter Granger, commanding.
Data: Mariposa. The Spanish word for butterfly.
Picard: Thank you, Data.
Data: I thought it might be significant, sir.
Picard: It doesn't appear to be, Data.
Data: No, sir.
Picard: You learn a lot about people from their luggage. Two hundred and twenty five Yoshimitsu computers, five monitor beacon satellites, seven hundred cellular commlinks, fifty spinning wheels.
Data: Spinning wheels? Accessing. A device for spinning yarn or thread that consists of a large foot or hand driven wheel and one spindle.
Picard: Cattle, chickens, pigs. Not DNA, the actual livestock. Incredible. Why would anyone carry such an insane mix of cargo?
Data: Spindle, a thin rounded tapering rod
Picard: Data!
Data: Perhaps they were planning for the worst, sir.
Picard: Theorize, Data. Give me some background.
Data: In the early twenty-second century, Earth was recovering from World War Three. A major philosopher of the period was Liam Dieghan, founder of the Neo-Transcendentalists, who advocated a return to a simpler life in which one lived in harmony with nature, and learned under her gentle tutelage
Picard: Thank you, Data. But if this was a ship full of utopians, why carry all this technological baggage?
Data: I have insufficient information from which to form a cogent theory, sir.
Worf: Doctor. I wished to thank you for protecting my
Pulaski: Your secret is safe with me. Worf, I'm honored. No one has ever performed the Klingon tea ceremony for me.
Pulaski: There, that should do it.
Worf: You know the ceremony?
Pulaski: I understand the externals, not the mysteries. I'm not a Klingon.
Worf: You must not drink the tea. It is deadly to humans.
Pulaski: And none too good for Klingons.
Worf: It is a test of bravery, of one's ability to look at the face of mortality. It is also a reminder that death is an experience best shared, like the tea.
Pulaski: Worf, you're a romantic.
Worf: It is among the Klingons that love poetry achieves its fullest flower.
Pulaski: Hold that thought.
Pulaski: Antidote. If we're going to share, let's share. Now, quote me a little of that poetry.
Picard: Initiate sensor sweeps.
Data: Aye, sir. The system's sun has entered a period of severe flare activity.
Riker: Now we know what triggered the SOS.
Data: Class M readings from the fifth planet in the system.
Picard: Take us in.
Worf: Shields at maximum.
Data: Sensors indicate human life form readings thirty meters below the planet's surface.
Worf: Hailing on all frequencies. No response so far, but the flares may be interfering with communications.
Data: There is no evidence of an advanced communication network.
Picard: They brought a lot of technology. Where is it?
Worf: There is no artificial power source on the planet.
Data: The stellar flares are increasing in magnitude and frequency. Computer projections indicate they will brush the planet in three point six hours.
Worf: Evacuation will be difficult. We can lower our shields for transport only between the flares.
Troi: Captain, these people have been isolated for three hundred years. They could be very unsophisticated. The shock of suddenly being transported onto a spaceship could frighten them, to say the least.
Picard: Your point is well taken, Counselor. Number One, you're going to have to go down there.
Riker: On my way.
Picard: Captain's log, stardate 42827.3. Commander Riker has reached the caverns, where he is making preparations to begin the evacuation.
Picard: What's the situation, Number One?
Riker: There are roughly two hundred people down here.
Picard: Their condition?
Riker: Surprisingly good.
Picard: Are they willing to leave?
Riker: Yes, but
Picard: Well, get them up here.
Riker: I'm having a little debate with the colony's leader. It seems
Picard: There's no time, Number One. Initiate the transport.
Riker: But, sir
Picard: Whatever the problem, we'll handle it up here.
Riker: Aye, aye, sir, we're on our way. All of us. Riker out.
Riker: First load ready, Mister O'Brien.
O'Brien: Energizing.
O'Brien: Captain, you'd better get somebody down here. Right away.
Danilo: Take the pig out there, will you? Very good.
Riker: O'Brien, I think that third wave should be in position.
Danilo: Shoo, damn you, shoo.
O'Brien: Aye, sir.
Danilo: O'Brien, is it? I should have known t'would be a good Irishman that was running this ship.
Picard: What the devil is going on here, Number One?
Danilo: Ah, Captain Picard is it. The man who makes decisions for me and mine without so much as a by your leave.
Picard: This is my Security Chief, Lieutenant Worf.
Danilo: I don't suppose security is much of a problem for you. Danilo Odell, sir, at your service.
Picard: What are these animals doing here, Number One.
Riker: I'm sorry, sir. It was either this or arguing till hell froze over.
Danilo: Captain Picard, sir, we can't leave our animals here to die. Besides, how could we build our future without our animals?
Picard: All right. Chief O'Brien, transport this group directly to cargo hold seven, and beam the remaining refugees from the planet directly to that hold.
O'Brien: Yes, sir.
Danilo: Right, lads. Everybody back onto the infernal machine.
Riker: Everybody up here.
Danilo: Captain! Captain, t'was very good of you, sir, to rescue us from our troubles.
Picard: My pleasure.
Danilo: Sir, you must be worth quite a bit to own a fine ship like this.
Picard: I don't own the Enterprise, I command her.
Danilo: Whatever. Sir, would you happen to be married?
Picard: No. Why?
Danilo: No? Well, you see, sir, I have a daughter.
Picard: Felicitations.
Danilo: Would you be interested, sir?
Picard: No.
Danilo: You're quite sure?
Picard: Quite sure.
Danilo: He's quite sure.
Picard: What's the total?
Worf: Two hundred and twenty three.
Pulaski: Count on two more in the next few days.
Picard: Set course for the nearest starbase.
Pulaski: You know, they were anachronistic in 2123. It will be interesting to see how they cope.
Riker: They'll learn and adapt. If Danilo Odell's any indication, they'll be running this place inside of a week.
Worf: Lieutenant Worf, here. Report.
Crewman: Fire in cargo hold seven.
Riker: The Bringloidi.
Picard: What have they done to my ship now?
Worf: Keep the area clear.
Picard: Report.
Worf: Fire has been contained. No damage.
Picard: Unseal the doors.
Danilo: My God, Picard, the place is a bloody death trap! Lightning bolts falling from the ceiling!
Danilo: What the hell was that thing?
Worf: Automated fire system. A force field contains the flame until the remaining oxygen within the field has been consumed.
Danilo: What if I had been under that thing?
Worf: You would have been standing in the fire.
Danilo: Well, leaving that aside for the moment, I mean, what would have happened to me?
Worf: You would have suffocated and died.
Danilo: Sweet mercy.
Brenna: Oh, there you are. Your hospitality leaves a hell of a lot to be desired! You don't offer us a bite or a sup, and when we build a fire to cook a little something, the place goes mad!
Picard: My apologies. I was unaware that you had not been instructed in the use of the food dispensers.
Brenna: And what are you staring at? Have you never seen a woman before?
Riker: I thought I had.
Danilo: Commander, may I present my daughter, Brenna Odell.
Riker: Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
Brenna: You may have all the time in the world, but I've dozens of frightened and hungry children and women to look after.
Riker: And what about the men?
Brenna: Well, I'm sure they'll find their comfort as they always do, in the bottom of a mug of home brew!
Danilo: Pay no heed, Commander. She's a fine girl. She's not usually so sharp tongued.
Brenna: Dado!
Riker: Sir? That's the last thing I expected.
Picard: Sometimes, Number One, you just have to bow to the absurd.
Danilo: Captain, Captain, sir. How did the ship sense the fire?
Picard: The ship's computer
Danilo: Computer?
Picard: The ship's computers sense a localized increase
Brenna: Men! Always talking when there's work to be done. And shouldn't you be flying this ship, or whatever it is you do?
Riker: Sir, I think I'll stay and give her some help.
Riker: That isn't necessary. The ship will clean itself.
Brenna: Well, good for the bloody ship. Tell me, Commander Riker, where does a girl go to wash her feet on this ship?
Riker: As the First Officer, I feel it's my responsibility to show you all the amenities.
Worf: She is very like a Klingon woman.
Danilo: Ah, Captain, there's just one other thing. It slipped my mind in all the hustle and bustle.
Picard: The point, Mister Odell.
Danilo: Well, in all your travels, have you heard anything from the other colony?
Picard: The other colony?
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. A review of stellar charts has revealed a Class M planet only half a light year from the Bringloid system. I am proceeding on the premise that it was the destination of the colony which possessed the more sophisticated equipment.
Brenna: William Riker, you're a mess.
Riker: You don't have to do that.
Brenna: And if I don't, who will?
Riker: I can see why your father wants to marry you off.
Brenna: Oh, and why is that?
Riker: So he can have a pipe and mug of beer in peace.
Brenna: You've shown me so many wonders on your great ship, but there's still one thing you haven't shown me.
Riker: What's that?
Brenna: I'm still waiting to wash my feet.
Riker: Right behind that door.
Brenna: William, is something wrong?
Riker: What do you mean?
Brenna: Do you not like girls?
Riker: Of course I do. Oh, is there a technique to this foot washing?
Brenna: You generally start at the top and work your way down.
Riker: I think I can handle that.
Brenna: I was hoping you might.
Worf: You sent for me?
Danilo: Ah, yes, yes. Now, we're brewing poteen, but we need to find a way to heat it without this bloody ship firing bloody lightning bolts at us.
Worf: You can obtain spirituous liquours from the food dispensers.
Danilo: Oh, no, no, no. It's not that synthehol bilge that O'Brien offered me, is it?
Worf: No, if you wish, it can be real alcohol.
Danilo: Good.
Worf: With all of the deleterious effects intact.
Danilo: As it should be. You see, lad, every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment of pain. Whiskey.
Danilo: Terrible. It's got no bite.
Worf: Chech'tluth.
Danilo: Now that's what I call a wee drop of the creature.
Brenna: Father!
Danilo: Remember what I said about the moment of pain? Well, tis about to begin. Hello, my darling.
Brenna: Oh, my darling, is it? I might have known! Are you drunk yet, or can you talk with Doctor Pulaski about the children?
Danilo: What about them?
Brenna: She wants to send them to school with the ship's children.
Danilo: What do you think?
Brenna: I think it's a good idea. So go handle it! I'm sure there's something you can be doing with your time. And as for you.
Worf: What?
Brenna: Why did you have to tell them that this magic wall can give them more than meat and potatoes? Now we'll never get a lick of work out of them.
Worf: Madam, have you considered a career in security?
Brenna: If it's anything like babysitting, I'm an authority.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. We are approaching the class M planet where we hope to find the other colonists.
Worf: Signal from the planet, Captain.
Picard: On screen. This is Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, representing the United Federation of Planets.
Granger: This is wonderful. Welcome, Captain. I'm Wilson Granger, Prime Minister of Mariposa.
Data: No doubt a descendant of Captain Walter Granger.
Granger: Not quite a descendant. We feared Earth had suffered some catastrophe when no one came back to check on us.
Picard: I'm afraid the truth is, you got lost in the bureaucracy. But despite the lateness of our arrival, we're here now and we're eager to renew ties.
Granger: Splendid. Please, come down, and allow us to extend our hospitality to you and your crew.
Picard: Thank you. Form an away team, Number One.
Troi: I would urge caution.
Riker: Caution? What's wrong?
Troi: He's hiding something.
Riker: We'll check it out. Mister Worf. Doctor Pulaski, join us in Transporter room three for an away detail.
Granger 2: Welcome to Mariposa. I'm Victor Granger, Minister of Health.
Riker: Commander William Riker, Doctor Pulaski, Lieutenant Worf.
Granger 2: A pleasure. I'll escort you to the Prime Minister. This way please.
Riker: Twin brothers?
Granger 2: Your arrival really is serendipitous.
Pulaski: Oh, how so?
Granger 2: Well, perhaps I'll let the Prime Minister to explain that.
Riker: Triplets? Worf, there is something damn odd down here.
Worf: Quadruplets.
Granger 2: Doctor, is your title scientific or medical?
Pulaski: Medical.
Granger 2: Ah, excellent.
Pulaski: Is there some medical problem we should know about?
Granger 2: I think it best if the, er
Pulaski: Prime minister explains that. Somehow I thought you might.
Granger 2: Yes. Excuse me. Gentlemen? Please, follow me.
Granger 2: This way please. Doctor.
Granger: Welcome to Mariposa.
Pulaski: Doctor Katherine Pulaski.
Granger: This is my Chief of Staff, Elizabeth Vallis.
Pulaski: Tell me, is your entire population made up of clones, Prime Minister?
Worf: Clones?
Riker: Clones?
Granger: Clones.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. Prime Minister Granger has requested an urgent meeting to discuss the future of the Mariposan colony. I've invited him to the Enterprise.
Granger: Captain, we need your help. Three hundred years ago during our landing on Mariposa, the skin of our ship was breached. Only five of the colonists survived. The progenitors weren't willing to just give up and die, and they were scientists
Picard: So, they used that expertise and turned to cloning.
Granger: Yes. We had no other option. Two women and three men represented an insufficient gene pool from which to build a society.
Pulaski: How did you suppress the natural sexual drive? Drugs? Punitive laws?
Granger: In the beginning, a little bit of each. Now, after three hundred years, the entire concept of sexual reproduction is a little repugnant to us.
Pulaski: How did you overcome the problem of replicative fading?
Granger: We haven't.
Pulaski: You have got a problem.
Riker: Wait. I don't understand replicative fading.
Pulaski: Each time you clone, you're making a copy of a copy. Subtle errors creep into the chromosomes, and eventually you end up with a non-viable clone.
Picard: How can we help you?
Granger: We need an infusion of fresh DNA. I was hoping that you would be willing to share some tissue samples.
Riker: You want to clone us?
Granger: Yes.
Riker: No way, not me.
Granger: How can you possibly be harmed?
Riker: It's not a question of harm. One William Riker is unique, perhaps even special. But a hundred of him, a thousand of him diminishes me in ways I can't even imagine.
Granger: You would be preserving yourself.
Riker: Human beings have other ways of doing that. We have children.
Picard: I think you will find that attitude prevalent among all the Enterprise people.
Granger: I see. Well, if you are not willing to share your DNA, will you at least send some people to repair our malfunctioning equipment?
Picard: Yes, of course. Number One, put a technical team together. Let's get these repairs underway.
Riker: Yes, sir. Lieutenant La Forge. Prepare a technical support away team. Meet me in transporter room three.
Pulaski: Captain, with your permission, I would like to return to the planet. It could be my last opportunity to study replicative fading. With your permission, of course, Mister Prime Minister.
Granger: You'd be most welcome. Perhaps you will find a solution that we have overlooked.
Pulaski: Well, I appreciate the compliment, but I don't think that's very likely. And repairing that equipment will certainly not solve your problems.
Granger: What other solution do we have? Doctor, remember, there are only five of us.
Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. Commander Riker and Doctor Pulaski have returned to Mariposa with a team of Enterprise technicians.
Riker: The repairs are almost complete. I wish there was something more we could do.
Granger: Are you sure you won't reconsider?
Pulaski: About the cloning?
Granger: Yes.
Riker: Out of the question.
Laforge: Excuse me, sir, I was looking for Commander Riker.
Granger: I'm afraid I haven't seen him.
Laforge: Doctor Pulaski?
Granger: Sorry, I can't help you.
Laforge: Well, I guess I'll just have to hunt for them. Sorry to disturb you.
Laforge: Hey. So what happened to you two down on Mariposa? Is everything all right?
Riker: Is there any reason why it shouldn't be?
Laforge: Yeah. Every time I asked where you were, some clone lied to me.
Riker: Lied to you?
Laforge: Commander, with this I can see better than your average person. Now when someone lies there are certain physical manifestations. Variations in blush response, pupil dilation, pulse, breath rate. Doesn't always work with aliens, but humans? Got'em nailed.
Pulaski: The clones lied about our whereabouts? I don't remember anything happening. I was working in their medical facility and got a call to report to Granger's office. I ran into Will on the way
Laforge: Now wait a minute. Granger said he hadn't seen either one of you. Did you make it to his office?
Riker: I think, I don't remember.
Laforge: So what's the prognosis, Doc?
Pulaski: Geordi, you'll be pleased to know that you're not missing any epithelial cells.
Laforge: Great.
Pulaski: Will and I, however, are.
Riker: Meaning?
Pulaski: Although you can clone from any cell in the body, the cells lining the stomach are the best choice because they're relatively undifferentiated.
Laforge: Where are you going?
Riker: To their cloning lab.
Granger: Stop! Murderers!
Riker: Like hell! You're a damn thief!
Pulaski: Gentlemen, please.
Granger: What else could we do? We asked for your help and you refused us. We're desperate. Desperate!
Riker: And that gave you the right to assault us, to rob us.
Granger: We have the right to survive!
Picard: Doctor, how desperate is the colony's situation?
Pulaski: They've got two or three generations, then the fading will be terminal. They're among the walking dead now. They just haven't been buried.
Riker: I want the cloning equipment inspected. Who knows how many tissue samples were stolen. We certainly have a right to exercise control over our own bodies.
Pulaski: You'll get no argument from me.
Troi: I know the Mariposan culture seems alien, even frightening, but really, we do have much in common. They're human beings fighting for survival. Would we do any less?
Picard: Are you saying we should give them the DNA samples they require?
Pulaski: That's just postponing the inevitable. If they get an infusion of fresh DNA, in fifteen generations they'll just go back to the same problems. Cloning isn't the answer. What they need is breeding stock.
Picard: The Bringloidi.
Troi: Yes. They have the energy and drive, and the clones possess the emotional maturity and the technological knowledge.
Picard: They started out together. It seems only fitting they should end up together.
Pulaski: It's a match made in heaven.
Riker: Unfortunately it will have to be a shotgun wedding.
Granger: I'm sorry, Captain, it's out of the question. You're trying to dump your problems on us. We have problems of our own.
Picard: Don't you understand? The Bringloidi can help you.
Granger: Look at him. How could we ever integrate that into our society?
Danilo: You're no prize yourself.
Granger: Primitive, hostile, disruptive. It would require enormous effort to even educate them.
Danilo: Oh, forget it, Captain Picard. I'm not going to come in here with my hat in my hand begging charity from this blatherskite.
Picard: Now stop! I will not allow posturing and bigotry to destroy this meeting. Now please, sit down. Now, Commander Riker has asked that your laboratories be inspected for stolen tissue samples, and I understand his concern. We may have to transport all your equipment here, to the Enterprise.
Granger: I see. When reason fails, you'll resort to blackmail.
Picard: Fine. Destroy yourselves.
Pulaski: It's not so bad, Captain. In fifty years we'll have a new class M planet, complete with cities, and ready for colonization.
Picard: You see, the end is closer than you like to think.
Granger: I don't know. There are so many difficulties.
Danilo: Look, man. We are decent, hard working people. We're willing to learn.
Granger: They're so different.
Picard: It is the differences that have made us strong.
Granger: For three hundred years, we have denied the carnal side of our nature. How can we learn to put that aside?
Danilo: Well, you put a young couple together and you let nature take its course.
Pulaski: Now if this is going to work, you're going to have to alter your society, too. Monogamous marriage will not be possible for several generations.
Danilo: I don't quite understand.
Pulaski: Thirty couples are enough to create a viable genetic base. But the broader the base the healthier and the safer the society. So it will be best if each woman, Bringloidi and Mariposan, had at least three children by three different men.
Danilo: I think I could handle that, yes.
Granger: Oh, God, it's so
Picard: Frightening?
Granger: Repugnant.
Danilo: So, it's a done deal? And here's my hand on it. Right, now, let's go and stake out my three women. Send in the clones.
Picard: I must be out of my mind.
Pulaski: Starfleet will probably agree with you.
Danilo: Excuse me, sir. Captain. Thank you. Brenna. Brenna, a word.
Brenna: Isn't that just like a man! You make these grandiose decisions, but you never stop to consider the poor women.
Picard: Miss Odell, I
Brenna: You men draw a mug, and solve all the problems of the world while the beer goes down, but, when it comes to the practical matters, it always falls to the women to make your grand dreams come true.
Picard: Miss Odell, you were the one who wanted a new home.
Brenna: But I don't know if I want to be Eve.
Picard: It's your choice. If you wish, you can stay on the Enterprise. We will drop you at a starbase, then you can go where you wish.
Brenna: Leave my da?
Picard: If this is going to work, these people will need your strength, your guidance.
Brenna: Oh, damn. What does he do again?
Picard: Prime Minister.
Brenna: Sounds important.
Picard: Oh, it is.
Brenna: Sounds like he might have more than two coins to rub together. Three husbands?


Scene: Captain's log, Stardate 42859.2. We are in orbit around Antede Three, awaiting the arrival of two dignitaries. Our mission is to escort them to a conference on planet Pacifica, where they will be given the opportunity to join the Federation.
Picard: I thought you might find this interesting, Mister Crusher. Few humans have ever seen an Antedean in the flesh.
Picard: Welcome. I'm Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise.
Wesley: Are they alright, Captain?
Picard: Yes. This is their preferred way of space travel.
Pulaski: Their physical condition is good enough, considering the circumstances.
Picard: It is a self-induced catatonic state. Their way of dealing with the trauma of spaceflight.
Wesley: Will we try to revive them?
Picard: No, not until we reach the Pacifica conference, three days from now. Doctor, have you prepared a Sickbay facility to accommodate our guests?
Pulaski: As soon as I can make some adjustments. Their physiology is unusual. You can store them for a few hours?
O'Brien: Sure. I'll have them kept out of the way here.
Picard: Mister Worf, provide security.
Worf: Aye, sir.
Wesley: What's in that container?
Pulaski: Vermicula. It's their food. When they come out of stasis, they'll be very hungry.
Wesley: They eat this?
Pulaski: In great quantities.
Worf: What a handsome race.
Riker: So what did you think of the Antedeans, Wesley?
Wesley: They are rather strange-looking, Commander.
Data: Judging a being by its physical appearance is the last major human prejudice, Wesley.
Picard: Your point is well taken, Mister Data. I'm sure that to the Antedeans, we are equally unattractive.
Worf: Captain, we are being hailed by a small transport vessel, just coming into range.
Troi: Oh, my God.
Picard: What's the problem?
Troi: What's she doing here?
Wesley: On screen, Captain.
Pilot: Starship Enterprise, come in.
Riker: We have you on our viewer, pilot.
Pilot: Enterprise, I have a passenger. A VIP passenger who I'm ordered to
Lwaxana: Oh, let me talk to them. I'm sure I'm more articulate than that.
Troi: Mother.
Data: Captain, we are receiving Starfleet orders granting a Lwaxana
Lwaxana: Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.
Data: Full ambassadorial status, sir.
Riker: It looks like it's back into that dress uniform, sir.
Data: And yours as well, Commander. She is listed as representing the Betazed government at the conference.
Troi: Mother, please, don't do this to me.
Lwaxana: Do what to you, Little One? Oh, Jean-Luc. What naughty thoughts. But how wonderful you still think of me like that.
Troi: It's so like my mother to do the unexpected.
Picard: It will be pleasant to have her as a guest of the Enterprise again. Energize.
Lwaxana: Legs! Where are the legs?
Troi: Where they belong, Mother, Right under you.
Lwaxana: Oh, I hate that. I will never completely trust this device, Jean-Luc.
Troi: Captain Picard, Mother.
Lwaxana: Aaagh!
Picard: Explain to her.
Riker: I'm sorry they startled you, Mrs. Troi. They're Antedean delegates. They're being stored here temporarily.
Lwaxana: Delegates? Last time I saw something like that, it was being served on a plate. Darling. Well, well, well. And you, Jean-Luc, I wasn't aware you had such handsome legs. My valet is waiting. You may beam him aboard now.
Lwaxana: You remember Mister Homn, of course.
Picard: It would be hard to forget Mister Homn.
Lwaxana: I retain his services despite the outlandishly lustful thoughts he spews in my direction. You can put that down, Homn. We can't deny the Captain the honor of carrying my belongings.
Picard: I will not interfere with Homn's duties this time.
Lwaxana: That's not what you're really thinking, Jean-Luc. You forget I'm a telepath.
Riker: Mrs.Troi, since this obviously significant to you, I'll I'll carry it.
Riker: Just down this corridor.
Lwaxana: He has nice legs too, Little One. Is he still yours?
Troi: Humans no longer own each other that way, Mother.
Lwaxana: Really? That's a custom we may have to introduce again.
Lwaxana: Thank you.
Riker: Glad to help.
Picard: Well, I trust you will be comfortable here. If you will excuse me.
Lwaxana: I am be serving a Betazoid dinner of greeting tonight, Captain. It is an ambassadorial function.
Picard: It sounds delightful.
Lwaxana: He's a fine man. Solid, reliable. He's a little on the stuffy side, but, all in all, he's not that bad.
Troi: I can't believe you, Mother. You sound like you're sizing up a commodity.
Lwaxana: But that's exactly what men are, darling. Especially human men. Was your father ever unhappy with me?
Troi: No. He worshiped you. But I don't think I'll ever learn to see men the way you do.
Lwaxana: You will as you mature, darling. And the men in your life are going to bless you for it. You're so beautiful.
Wesley: And she actually complimented Captain Picard on his legs?
Data: I would have thought a telepath would be more diskreet, sir.
Riker: Exactly the opposite. She knows what's in your mind and she lets you know what's on hers.
Picard: Gentlemen. I think we must not lose sight of the fact that we're talking about someone who has been granted ambassadorial rank. Even though she may appear somewhat eccentric, Lwaxana Troi must be treated with the appropriate respect. Is that understood? Picard to Pulaski.
Pulaski: Yes, Captain.
Picard: When did you last time you look in on the Antedean guests?
Pulaski: Doing so right now, Captain.
Picard: Are they still catatonic?
Pulaski: Status of the beings is unchanged. Pulse, still steady. Respiration normal for them.
Picard: Understood. Keep me informed. Picard out. I'll be in my quarters. It will be a dress uniform dinner, gentlemen.
Riker: Sir?
Data: To which dinner was the Captain referring, sir?
Riker: Nothing I've been invited to. Any of you? Very interesting!
Picard: Doctor? You're not attending the dinner with the rest of us this evening?
Pulaski: I've already eaten, but thanks, Captain.
Picard: I seem to be a little early. I'm sure the others will be here soon. The other officers? Commander Riker? Counselor Troi?
Lwaxana: Hello, Jean-Luc. So glad you could come.
Lwaxana: A toast to Earthmen, who, despite their faults, have that unique ability to charm women of all races, in all corners of the galaxy.
Picard: Speaking on behalf of men of Earth, which is indeed an awesome responsibility, I thank you.
Lwaxana: I know what you're thinking, Captain.
Picard: You do?
Lwaxana: You're wondering whether I'm seeing any other man. On a serious basis.
Picard: Well, actually, I wasn't
Lwaxana: I wouldn't worry about it, Jean-Luc. Competition seems to bring out the best in the human male.
Picard: The fact is, I wasn't expecting this setting. I had assumed that my senior Bridge officers would be attending.
Lwaxana: You never assume anything where Lwaxana Troi is concerned. Betazoid women are full of surprises. Strange, I'm not really very hungry tonight. I wonder what's made me lose my appetite? Any ideas?
Picard: Of course, you're giving thanks for your food. I'd forgotten about that. I wonder how many other cultures have similar customs.
Lwaxana: I don't know.
Picard: Well, let's find out. Commander Data?
Data: Yes, Captain?
Picard: Mrs. Troi and I are having a very interesting discussion about various societies' ways of giving thanks. The Betazoid use of the chime, for instance.
Data: The use of the chime is unique, but not at all dissimilar to the
Data: Ooolans of Marejaretus Six, who use two large stones which are continuously struck during the meal. Those at the dinner must eat until the stones are broken.
Data: Or the oligarchy on Atifs Four, which require a young
Picard: Data, this is fascinating. Don't you agree, Mrs. Troi? Commander, if your duties permit, why don't you join us for dessert? I'm sure that Mrs. Troi would much appreciate the pleasure of your company.
Lwaxana: What?
Data: Indeed, sir. I'm on my way. Data out.
Lwaxana: How could you possibly think I would want to share our special time together with that, that, robot of yours?
Picard: Because of Data's wonderful after-dinner conversation. His anecdotes are the stuff of legends aboard this ship.
Data: So, by using the square root of pi and multiplying it by nine to the third power, I was able to accurately calculate the distance between the Omicron system and the Crab Nebula.
Picard: Fascinating, Data, absolutely fascinating. I'm sure Mrs. Troi would love to hear the one about the anomalous chemical composition of brown dwarf stars.
Lwaxana: Not really.
Data: Yes, Captain. That is a particularly spellbinding subject. In most stars, the rare Earth element europium is enriched relative to samarium and gadolinium
Lwaxana: Is that so?
Data: It is. However,
Pulaski: Your mother seems quite an interesting woman, Deanna.
Troi: Perhaps I should tell you something about my mother's condition at this time.
Pulaski: Condition at this time?
Troi: It's something that occurs to Betazoid females as they enter mid-life. We call it the phase.
Pulaski: Mid-life? As in a human female's menopause?
Troi: Similar. It's only at mid-life that a Betazed female becomes, well, fully sexual, if you know what I mean.
Pulaski: Yes, I think I do. I also think that I saw the Captain on his way to her quarters.
Troi: I wonder if I shouldn't warn him?
Pulaski: No. As ship's Doctor I'd consider it excellent exercise for his reflexes and agility.
Troi: Doctor !
Pulaski: For staying ahead of your mother.
Troi: Yes. An animal is always at its best when hunted.
Pulaski: Or when hunting.
Data: And at this point, the second co-orbital satellite avoids a collision with the first.
Lwaxana: Deanna, darling. Thank the Four Deities you're here.
Troi: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Picard: No, I must, as a matter of fact, be getting back to the Bridge.
Data: Captain. Perhaps I should remain and further entertain our guest.
Lwaxana: No! I mean, I'm sure you're needed on the Bridge as well.
Picard: Well, thank you for a delicious meal. We must do this again sometime.
Lwaxana: I know we will.
Lwaxana: Well, Little One, the Captain is every bit as charming as your father was.
Picard: Data, you will never know just how much I owe you for that.
Data: Indeed, Captain? I know many more interesting anecdotes, sir. For example,
Picard: Data.
Data: Sir?
Picard: Later.
Data: Yes, sir.
Troi: Why would you come aboard at a time like this?
Lwaxana: I had no choice. I was going to Pacifica, you were going to Pacifica.
Troi: Don't be absurd, Mother. You knew what would happen.
Troi: What stage is it in?
Lwaxana: I have it completely under control.
Troi: What stage is it in?
Lwaxana: Well, far enough along for me to enjoy it, Little One.
Troi: Now I know why you wore that dress.
Lwaxana: Don't be ridiculous. This simple little dress? Nothing provocative about it.
Troi: What are we going to do?
Lwaxana: I'm going to do the only honorable thing there is to do. And I'd say your Captain has the inside track.
Troi: Mother, don't even think it.
Lwaxana: Why not? He was thinking about it all through dinner.
Picard: I was what? I tell you, Deanna, for a telepath, your mother's accuracy leaves much to be desired.
Troi: Actually, her telepathic prowess is quite advanced. Except for now.
Riker: Except for now?
Picard: Don't misunderstand me, Counselor. Your mother is a beautiful person,
Troi: My mother is beginning a physiological phase. It's one that all Betazoid women must deal with as they enter mid-life.
Riker: Yes, it's something Troi warned me about when we first started to see each other. A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase, quadruples her sex drive.
Troi: Or more.
Riker: Or more? You never told me that.
Troi: I didn't want to frighten you. She has opted for the only dignified option open to her.
Riker: Isolation?
Troi: She has decided to focus all of her sexual energy on one male, who will, of course, eventually become her husband. It seems, Captain, that you are the early favorite.
Riker: Congratulations, sir!
Picard: I'm not amused, Number One. There must be some way to convince her that it's quite impossible, without offending her.
Troi: You cannot apply human style logic to this, Captain. A Betazoid woman in the phase would be shocked and deeply resentful, should you spurn any such advances. She would take it personally.
Picard: Well, under the circumstances, I think it would be prudent if I were to make myself less available for the duration of this journey.
Riker: Agreed.
Picard: Setting, San Francisco California, United States Of America. The year, 1945 A.D. The office of Dixon Hill, Private Investigator.
Computer: Program complete. You may enter when ready.
Madeline: Hi, Dix.
Picard: Madeline. Good to see you again.
Madeline: You're too much, Dix. You make it sound like you ain't seen me in a year. You got two calls. They're on your desk.
Picard: New cases?
Madeline: Are you kidding? The last time we had a new case, Hitler and Stalin were bosom buddies. The landlord came by. He wants the geetas or he wants you out.
Picard: The geetas?
Madeline: The moolah, Dix. The rent. And since we're on the subject, it's been a month since I seen anything. Now I know it's been tough, since you got out of the hospital, but I got responsibilities.
Picard: Then I suppose I had better get a case.
Madeline: It wouldn't hurt.
Lwaxana: Unavailable? Ship's business? You mean ship's business takes precedence over me?
Troi: I'm afraid so, Mother.
Lwaxana: Oh, well, he was too old for me anyway. Homn, perhaps we should consider my alternate plan.
Troi: Alternate plan?
Lwaxana: You worry too much, Little One. Your mother has the situation well in hand.
Madeline: There's a gentleman here to see you, Mister Hill. And he doesn't look like a client.
Slade: Hill? The name is Slade Bender.
Picard: Excuse me. What can I do for you, Mister Bender?
Slade: It's about Alva.
Picard: You'll have to be a little more precise.
Slade: Okay, you want to play stupid? That's jake with me. A week ago a man came in here. He wanted you to find his girlfriend. Name's Alva.
Picard: Did I find her?
Slade: You know, you're getting on my nerves. You found her, all right. Face down in the river.
Picard: I'm sorry to hear that.
Slade: Yeah, yeah, we're all broken up about it. Especially the boyfriend, who's been indicted for murder.
Picard: And what are you here to do? Ask for a refund?
Slade: Nah, I'm here to kill you!
Picard: Computer, freeze program. Computer, this isn't what I wanted at all. It's much to violent. I'm here to relax, not to dodge bullets. Reconfigure.
Computer: Please define.
Picard: More ambience. Less substance.
Computer: Do you wish to leave the holodeck and re-enter, or continue from this point?
Picard: I will continue.
Computer: Program complete. You may continue.
Madeline: There's a gentleman here to see you, Mister Hill.
Picard: Thank you, Madeline.
Man: You a private dick?
Picard: That's what it says on my door.
Man: Is that supposed to be funny? 'Cos if it is, you gotta know that I ain't in the mood for funny. Now, I came here on serious business. There's a job I want you to do for me.
Picard: Computer, freeze program. Clear. Computer, this still isn't right. One kind of violence is being substituted for another. Reconfigure.
Computer: You may continue.
Picard: Thank you.
Slade: You're through ducking me, Hill!
Picard: Computer, freeze program! Variations on a theme. Computer, perhaps I am not clearly defining my intent.
Computer: The flexibility of the program is limited to the parameters of the Dixon Hill novels.
Picard: Yes. Of course.
Worf: Even in this state, they possess a certain dignity, a graceful countenance.
Wesley: If you say so, Lieutenant.
Worf: I see. Is this how you felt when you first saw me?
Wesley: Well, maybe at first, a little. But now that I've seen more Klingons, I've come to think you're handsome for a Klingon. That didn't quite come out the way I meant, sir.
Lwaxana: I still say they look better in sauce. When will the good Captain revive them?
Wesley: Not until we reach Pacifica, ma'am.
Lwaxana: You seem a fine boy. One day you'll grow up to be a big, strong man. But I'm afraid I cannot afford to wait for you to mature. Now that's more like it. Your thoughts, they're primal, savage. I like that in a man.
Worf: I am not a man.
Lwaxana: Which is in your favor, men so often being irrational and egotistical. But unfortunately, I've grown accustomed to human companionship. Pity. You'd have made a fine choice. Well, who's next, Mister Homn?
Lwaxana: Ah yes. Let's do it, I'm not getting any younger.
Wesley: What was that all about?
Picard: So, Madeline, I'll see you later. Activate program.
Madeline: Leaving, Dix? You're not to Rex's bar, are you?
Picard: Rex's bar? Why do you ask?
Madeline: It's one of the messages I left on your desk.
Picard: That sounds like an excellent idea. Would you care to join me?
Madeline: Me? Have a drink with you?
Picard: Why not?
Madeline: There ain't no why not about it. It's just that this is the first time you ever asked.
Picard: Is that a problem?
Madeline: Not for me, but you'd better take this.
Picard: Why?
Madeline: Because if we're going to Rex's bar, you're gonna need it.
Rex: Hey, Dix. What do you know and what do you say? See this? Germany's getting ready to invade England.
Madeline: Who's going to stop them?
Rex: Somebody'd better.
Madeline: Just as long as it isn't us. The last thing America needs to do is fight in another world war.
Picard: Actually, the Second World War, although disastrous, did end with the United States taking its place as a dominant world power and cultural influence in the second half of the twentieth century. Additionally, that war was a catalyst of technological advancement. Developments in rocketry and fission resonate on into the twenty fourth century.
Rex: I don't know if I should pour you one, Dix. Sounds like you've got a snootful already.
Picard: What's this?
Rex: The usual.
Picard: Ah, now let me see. That would be Scotch, neat.
Rex: What else?
Rex: And for the lady?
Madeline: Rye and ginger.
Picard: Money. I keep forgetting the need to carry money. I must remember not to let this happen again.
Rex: Right. I don't mind you being on the cuff, but you're up the sleeve halfway to my collar.
Picard: Is that why you wanted to see me, about my bar bill?
Rex: No, it's on account of Jimmy Cuzzo.
Picard: Jimmy Cuzzo. I know that name.
Madeline: He's why I gave you the gun.
Picard: What was the name of that case he was involved in? The Parrot's Claw.
Madeline: Jeez, Dix. Cuzzo's the guy who iced Marty O'Farron. They never would have nailed him if it hadn't been for you. Your testimony got him arraigned.
Rex: Yeah. Yours and mine.
Picard: So you brought me here because you didn't want to face him alone.
Rex: I don't want to face him at all. I'm hoping that seeing us together will slow him up long enough to get some things straight.
Picard: And if it doesn't?
Rex: Then you just have to kill him.
Pulaski: Bridge, this is Doctor Pulaski.
Pulaski: We've just completed the transfer. The Antedeans are now in Sickbay.
Riker: Acknowledged, Doctor.
Troi: Mother, what are you doing here? You can't just stroll on to the Bridge whenever you feel like it.
Lwaxana: I didn't just stroll on, dear. I took the turbo tube, or whatever you call it. The Captain's not here?
Riker: He is busy elsewhere, ma'am.
Lwaxana: I have other interests as well.
Troi: You're scheming something, Mother. Don't try to fool me, I can tell.
Lwaxana: You're always so melodramatic, Little One. I'm not scheming, I'm deciding.
Troi: Mother, not him.
Lwaxana: And why not him? He's adorable.
Pulaski: Pulaski to Bridge.
Riker: Riker here.
Pulaski: The Antedeans are coming around. They are currently in the early stages of post hibernation.
Riker: How long until they're fully conscious?
Pulaski: I'd guess it to be a matter of hours now.
Riker: Very well, I'll inform the Captain. If you'll excuse me, ma'am.
Lwaxana: You're going to see the Captain? But I thought he was tied up on ship's business.
Riker: In a manner of speaking he is. I'm not going to be disturbing him, I'll just give him the message.
Lwaxana: Excellent timing. Then you may also inform him about us.
Riker: Us?
Lwaxana: You don't mind if I let our ship's crew know first, do you, William? Friends. Dear friends. You are all invited to a prestigious occasion on the planet Pacifica.
Troi: No.
Lwaxana: There, on the shores of the Western Sea, in a traditional Betazoid ceremony, your Commander Riker and I will be joined in the union of matrimony.
Wesley: Married?
Lwaxana: Until death us do part.
Riker: Mrs. Troi, I don't know how to tell you this.
Lwaxana: I know how you feel, dear. You're overwhelmed with excitement. Believe me, I understand. We'll talk about the details later. Right now, there are preparations to be made.
Troi: Why did you stop me? Someone needs to set her straight!
Riker: I think I'll leave that to the Captain.
Troi: Coward.
Data: Commander. Are you planning on going into the holodeck?
Riker: I thought I might. Would you like to join me?
Data: Could you postpone our departure for just five minutes, sir?
Riker: No problem.
Picard: You said you had responsibilities. What exactly did you mean?
Madeline: You know about my mother's cousin, the girl from San Antonio I told you about?
Madeline: Jimmy.
Rex: I'm as jumpy as Haircut Lapinski trying to land on a fraction.
Riker: Sorry to bother you, Captain.
Rex: Captain?
Picard: Call me Dix.
Riker: Sorry to bother you, Dix, but our two passengers have awakened.
Picard: Then it's time for me to go.
Madeline: What about Jimmy Cuzzo? You can't leave Rex to face him alone.
Picard: I'll be back before Jimmy Cuzzo arrives. I guarantee it will be taken care of. Just relax.
Rex: Your friends've got time for one drink, haven't they, Dix?
Picard: Oh, yes, of course. One more round. These are my associates. This is Nails, from Chicago. And this is
Data: Carlos.
Picard: From South America. This is Madeline, my secretary, and I want you to meet Rex. You know, I don't think I ever heard your last name?
Rex: Hm. Don't think I have one. Just Rex, that's all. So, fellas, tell me your troubles.
Riker: Well, troubles. We've got some, Captain. It seems that a certain woman, both wealthy and beautiful, now thinks that that she's going to marry me.
Rex: She's got looks and bucks? Sounds like you've got yourself a heck of a deal.
Lwaxana: My fiancé just has to see how I look in this. Come along, Homn.
Lwaxana: Hello, computer? Is Commander Riker still on the Bridge?
Computer: Negative. Riker is currently in holodeck three.
Lwaxana: Holodeck? Where is that?
Computer: Follow the comm. panel lights. They will lead you there.
Rex: Good God, what's that?
Rex: I'll bet that's the broad with the big bucks. Come on over here, darlin'. I got the best stool in the house saved for you.
Lwaxana: So, this is where you've been hiding, Jean-Luc. I'm surprised you let this part of the ship get this dirty. Oh, relax, Commander. You've been making your true feelings quite clear. Obviously you feel unable to handle me.
Rex: Anyway, why would a beautiful high-class lady like yourself want to hook up with a mug like that? You're too good for him, if you ask me.
Lwaxana: You are a very interesting person.
Rex: You're not so bad yourself. In fact, you're as much class as this joint's ever seen. Here. On the house. It's French. Almost.
Lwaxana: This is the most remarkable man. I have never met anyone quite like him.
Picard: I don't suppose you have.
Lwaxana: He's strong. I get no thoughts from him at all. Nothing. I've never known a man so able to keep his true feelings completely hidden.
Picard: That's because
Lwaxana: No man has ever been such a mystery to me. I usually know their thoughts before they do.
Rex: But not with me, huh?
Lwaxana: No. And I never realized how erotic that could be. Carry my beverage to that table. We have some things to discuss.
Riker: Should we tell her?
Picard: I think it would be only fair. But let's allow her the moment.
Antedeans: Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.
Pulaski: Worf, the vermicula.
Pulaski: Pulaski to Captain Picard.
Picard: Go ahead, Doctor.
Pulaski: Our passengers are on their feet.
Picard: Understood.
Riker: I'd better get to the Bridge.
Picard: What's their condition?
Pulaski: Hungry. Would you like to be shown to your rooms?
Picard: Are you coming, Mrs. Troi?
Lwaxana: Not just yet. Tell William I'm sorry, but Rex and I are getting married.
Picard: Mrs. Troi, your government expects us to deliver you to the conference on time, and that's what I intend to do.
Lwaxana: Pity. Duty calls, darling. But I'll be back for you later.
Picard: Mrs. Troi, there is something you ought to know about Rex.
Lwaxana: Oh?
Lwaxana: Imagine, allowing me to go on like that with that man, who doesn't even exist.
Troi: But you always say you like surprises, Mother.
Lwaxana: Why are they still here?
Riker: We thought that since you're going to the same conference, you might like to beam down with the other delegates.
Lwaxana: They're not delegates. Those two are assassins.
Antedean: That is an outrage! Lies! We demand you transport at once!
Lwaxana: Don't bother to deny it. Your minds are so unsophisticated I can read your thoughts in my sleep. Their robes are lined with ultritium, highly explosive, virtually undetectable by your transporter.
Data: She is correct, sir. I am detecting large amounts of ultritium.
Lwaxana: Well of course you are. They were planning on blowing up the entire conference.
Picard: Mister Worf, take them to level five. Disarm them. Hold them for questioning.
Worf: Aye, sir.
Lwaxana: Ah well, I didn't find a mate, but I did save the conference, as well as your reputations. All in a day's work, I suppose.
Picard: Goodbye Mrs. Troi, and thank you. Energize, Chief O'Brien.
Lwaxana: Jean-Luc. Shame on you for thinking such a thing.