Elaine: Hello
James: This is your wake up service. It's 715
Elaine: Oh, god. OH, I could use a few more hours sleep.
James: Hot date last night?
Elaine: I wish.
James: A woman with a sexy voice like yours its hard to believe your waking up alone.
Elaine: Really? Thank you., wake up service . . . person.
James: Call me James.
Elaine: Oh, all right, James. He he he
George: Your wake up guy asked you out?
Elaine: Yeah, I've never seen him but I feel like we have this weirdly intimate relationship. I mean, I'm lying in bed, I'm wearing my nightie,
Jerry: I don't know. Blind date?
Elaine: What? You're going to go out with my cousin Holly. You've never met her.
Jerry: Yeah, but I've seen pictures of her.
Elaine: At least I've spoken to my guy. You're going out on a deaf date.
Jerry: I think I'd rather go out on a deaf date than a blind date. The question is whether you'd rather date the blind or the deaf.
Elaine: Ah, . . .
George: Now you're off on a topic.
Jerry: You know, I think, I would rather date the deaf.
Elaine: Uh hu.
Jerry: Because I think the blind would probably be a little messier around the house. And lets face it they're not going to get all the crumbs. I'd possibly be walking around with a sponge.
George: You see I disagree. I'd rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her.
Elaine: I think she'd figure it out.
Elaine: What? What is this?
Jerry: Veggie sandwich and a grapefruit.
Elaine: Veggie sandwich and a grapefruit? What are you turning into?
Jerry: A healthy person.
George: ( rubbing his eye) Ow, Ow you squirted me.
Jerry: Oh, sorry
George: Boy, it stings.
Wilhelm: George, have you seen Morgan?
George: No.
Wilhelm: He's been coming in late all week. Is there something wrong?
George: No, not that I know of. (winks)
Wilhelm: Really? Make sure he signs this. Oh, look George, if there's a problem with Morgan you can tell me.
George: Morgan? No. He's doing a great job. (winks)
Wilhelm: I understand.
Jerry: I still can't believe, you're going out on a blind date.
Elaine: I'm not worried. It sounds like he's really good looking.
Jerry: You're going by sound? What are we? Whales?
Elaine: I think I can tell.
Jerry: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?
Elaine: Twenty-five percent.
Jerry: Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a twenty to one shot.
Elaine: You're way off.
Jerry: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.
Elaine: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?
Jerry: UNDATEABLE!
Elaine: Then how are all these people getting together?
Jerry: Alcohol.
Elaine: (to George who is winking) What is your problem?
George: No problem here.
Elaine: You keep winking at me. That's really obnoxious.
George: I had no idea.
Elaine: Right there. Right there. You just did it again.
George: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's from that grapefruit that Jerry squirted at me.
Elaine: You're eye still hurts?
George: Yeah, yeah. You must have squirted a piece of pulp in it too.
Jerry: Pulp couldn't make it across the table.
George: Pulp can move, Baby! Why didn't you eat a real breakfast?
Jerry: Hey, I eat healthy. If I have to take out an eye, that's the breaks.
George: Wait a minute. I must have been winking down at the office. That's why Mr. Wilhelm was acting so mysteriouso.
Elaine: What did he think, you were flirtin' with him?
George: Hu, oh. No he thought I was hiding something from him about Morgan.
Kramer: Hi guys.
Jerry: Hi,
Kramer: Hello Archie, Veronica, Mr. Weatherbee. . . . Is this Don Matingly's signature?
George: Yeah.
Kramer: And Buck Showalter's?
George: It's an inter-office envelope. It get passed around all over the office.
Kramer: Um, can I show this to my buddy Stubbs . He runs a sports memorabilia store. He pays top dollar for pro autographs.
George: Yeah, like I'm going to risk my job with the New York Yankees to make a few extra bucks. (winks)
Kramer: No, of course not. (winks back)
Kramer: You know, you see Don Matingly signed this envelope then he sent it to room 318, where it was received and signed for by manager Buck Showalter.
Steinbrenner: I don't know. An envelope doesn't really cut it.
Kramer: Why?
Steinbrenner: What is this? A birthday card. Ha ha . . . signed by the ENTIRE Yankee organization! . . . This could be worth something.
George: Is that the lovely Mrs. Morgan?
Morgan: Hello.
Morgan: Oh, by the way, have you got that birthday card?
George: Birthday card?
Morgan: Mr. Steinbrenner's birthday card. Wilhem said you had it for me to sign.
George: Oh ah, I uh, will have that for you by after lunch.
Morgan: Fine. I'll be back after my massage.
George: Of course. Your massage. (winks) Enjoy your massage. (winks)
Elaine: Hello.
James: Elaine?
Elaine: James! Ah, ha, Hello! Phew!
Holly: I can't believe you've never taken anybody here before.
Jerry: Well, I'm not really that much of a meat eater.
Holly: . . . You don't eat meat? Are you one of those. . .
Jerry: Well, no, I'm not one of those.
Holly: When we were little girls Grandma Memma would take us to a matinee and then dinner here.
Jerry: Grandma Memma?
Holly: Elaine must have mentioned Grandma Memma.
Jerry: No, I think I would have remembered Memma.
Holly: Oh well, that's typical. Elaine never liked Grandma Memma.
Waiter: Ready?
Holly: I'll have the porterhouse medium rare, baked potato with sour cream,
Jerry: What do you recommend besides the steak?
Waiter: The lamb chops are good.
Jerry: Anything lighter? How do you prepare the chicken?
Waiter: It's a full bird. Stuffed with ham, topped with gorganzola.
Jerry: You know what? I think I'll just have the salad.
Waiter: . . . Thank you.
Jerry: (mind's voice) Just a salad? Just a salad? Just a salad?
James: Hey you, hey you.
Elaine: Oh, uh, ha, you've got dogs?
James: Yeah, you know, when you live alone, you're dogs are all you have. Do you like dogs?
Elaine: (mind's voice from - ) SHUT UP! YOU STUPID LITTLE MUT !
Elaine: Dogs. Oh I love dogs.
James: Boys, this is Elaine. . . . Sorry, they're usually very friendly. Hey!
George: Hey, Mr. Morgan how was your massage?
Morgan: I had to cancel it. For some reason my wife got it into her head that it was more than just a massage.
George: Really?
Morgan: Yeah, we had this big fight at lunch it looks like tonight I will be sleeping on the couch.
George: Hey, listen don't oversleep. You can't afford to be late again.
Morgan: I know. Somebody around here has been giving Wilhelm the impression that I have been slacking off.
George: Geez, Hey you know something, you should try my friend's wake up service. She swears by this thing.
Morgan: Costanza, you may be my only friend around here. By the way, you got that birthday card?
George: Ah, not yet.
Morgan: Just make sure Steinbrenner doesn't get it until I sign it.
George: Yes sir!
Elaine: I just don't understand it as soon as I met these dogs they started growling at me.
Jerry: Maybe his dogs heard about how you tried to kidnap that other dog. These muts like to gossip. So have you talked too Holly?
Elaine: Huh huh.
Jerry: Did she mention anything about our lunch?
Elaine: Uh, kind of.
Jerry: What do you mean, "kind of."?
Elaine: I mean, she thought it was kind of strange to just order a salad. . . . You know. . . . For a man.
Jerry: What are you saying? . . . Salad! What was I thinking? Women don't respect salad eaters.
Elaine: You got that right.
Jerry: But you're going over there for dinner tonight, right?
Elaine: Um uh.
Jerry: What is she making?
Elaine: I don't know. But I'm sure it had, . . . parents. Call her up. She won't mind if you come.
Jerry: Oh, don't worry. I'll be there and I'll be packing an artery.
Kramer: Ah, Mr. Weatherbee.
George: You got the Yankee envelope?
Kramer: Sure do.
George: oh,
Kramer: Here you go.
George: Hey, he,
Kramer: You'll be pleased to see what's inside.
George: What is this?
Kramer: You're cut of the loot. Stubs gave me 200 dollars for the autographed birthday card that was inside.
George: Who told you to sell the card?
Kramer: You did.
George: No I didn't!
Kramer: No, not in so many words but I believe we had an understanding. (winks)
George: I was not winking you idiot. That was the grapefruit. It's like acid. I need that card back. It's Mr. Steinbrenner's. I was responsible.
Kramer: Well Stubs has already sold it to some guy who's kid's in the hospital .
George: Well get it back! It's very important. (winks)
Kramer: Look, do you want me to get it back or not?
George: (holds eyes wide open) Get it back!
Elaine: Such a lovely table setting. Oh, wear did you get these napkins?
Holly: They're grandma Memma's.
Elaine: Oh, I don't remember them.
Holly: Oh, you wouldn't. She only used them on special occasions.
Elaine: Special occassions? It wasn't special when my family visited?
Holly: Everybody like mutton?
Jerry: Um, mutton! Hope you didn't cut the fat off.
Kramer: That you Bobby?
Bobby: huh
Kramer: Well, I heard that you have a very uh, special birthday card .with all the Yankee autographs on it.
Bobby: Sure do. Mister.
Kramer: Oh, that's it, yeah. Boy, Stubs sure went to town with this thing huh? Yeah, well, Bobby, uh, what if I told you a very important person at the New York Yankees needed this card back.
Bobby: Oh, no. I'd never part with this card for anything in the world.
Kramer: Well, uh, Bobby, uh, who's your favorite Yankee.
Bobby: Paul O'Neill.
Kramer: All right. What if I tell Paul O'Neill to hit a home run tomorrow, just for you.
Bobby: Would he? Paul O'Neill would do that?
Kramer: For you he would.
Bobby: Would he hit two home runs?
Kramer: Two? Sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you'll do something for me.
Bobby: I know. Get out of this bed one day and walk again.
Kramer: Yeah, that would be nice. But I really just need this card.
Elaine: What about this candelabra?
Holly: Yeah, that was grandma Memma's also. She bought it on her trip to Europe in 1936. Jerry, I'm thrilled you like my mutton. I was afrais you only ate . . . salad.
Jerry: Hey, salad's got nothin' on this mutton.
Holly: That is so funny. Did you just make that up?
Jerry: I wish I could take credit for it. It's actually the line my butcher uses when we're chewing the fat. How about that beautiful desk over there? (hides meat in napkin in jacket)
Holly: That was in Grandma's study.
Elaine: What did you do, ransack the place after she died?
Jerry: This is some FINE mutton.
Elaine: I'm getting out of here. Can I borrow your jacket?
Jerry: Uh, well, uh the thing is that . . . (Jerry grabs jacket back)
Elaine: It's cold out, and I didn't bring my own. Jerry! God forbid I should borrow one from Holly. It might have belonged to grandma Memma. Thanks for mutton.
Elaine: Down boy, nice doggy . I'm a nice person. Don't believe what you hear.
Holly: Where are the napkins?
Jerry: What?
Holly: Grandma Memma's napkins. There's two missing. Elaine took them didn't she?
Jerry: I don't know about that. Have you got any floss?
Holly: You heard her. She coveted them. I bet she took them just to spite me. She's probably having a good laugh about it right now.
Elaine: Down doggy . oh oh a a a a a
Jerry: Elaine, what are you doing in this neighborhood?
Elaine: Did you do with the dogs?
Jerry: Yeah, they're in the kitchen. . . . okay, quite! What's going on?
Elaine: These dogs were chasing me. And no cab would stop and I had to get off the street. Then I remembered that you lived here.
Jerry: Why were dogs chasing you?
Elaine: They just don't like me. It's a long story. I can tell you one day but I can't tell you right now.
Jerry: I would askk you to stay tonight but I only have the sofa bed and it's where I sleep.
Elaine: We'll have to sleep head to toe.
Jerry: Head to toe?
Elaine: Head to toe.
Elaine: Hey, wake up. It's 830 you were supposed to walk me up at 715.
Jerry: I'm sorry I didn't get any sleep you kept kicking me in the face.
Elaine: You're a wake up guy. Don't you have calls to make?
Jerry: I'll make them later. Uh.
Wilhelm: Have you seen Morgan?
George: He's not here?
Wilhelm: No, He's late.
George: It's impossible. I got him a wake up service.
Wilhelm: Now, George, you don't have to cover for him any more. He's going to be gone soon and I'm going to recommend you for his job.
George: . . . gone?
Jerry: It sounds like all the winking got you a promotion.
George: I don't want Morgan's job. He's got a lot of work to do. Hey, Elaine, your friend never woke up Mr. Morgan.
Elaine: Nah, he was tired. He had some feet in his face. My cousin Holly is completely insane. She keeps calling and accusing me of stealing her napkins.
George: Napkins?
Elaine: I mean, why? Why would I take her stupid napkins.
Jerry: Because they were in the pockets of my jacket.
Elaine: They were?
Jerry: Yes. I was using them to spit out the mutton.
Elaine: Spit it out? I had dogs chasing me for that mutton. I was almost mauled because of that mutton.
George: What exactly is mutton?
Jerry: I don't know and I didn't want to find out. So where is my jacket?
Elaine: Oh, I must have left it at Jame's
Jerry: You spent the night at James's? Did we?
Elaine: Yeah but we reversed positions so there was no funny business.
Jerry: Reversed positions?
Elaine: Yeah, you know, head to toe.
Jerry: So what your genitals are still lined up.
Elaine: No, because I slept with my back to him.
Kramer: Mr. O'Neill?
O'Neill: Yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, uh, look, you don't know me.
O'Neill: I can give you an autograph there, but my pen's kind of screwed up. You'd only like half a "P" or something.
Kramer: No, it's uh, not that see,. It's about a little boy in a hospital. I was wondering if you could do something to lift his spirits.
O'Neill: Sure, I could help you there.
Kramer: Sure, well I promised you would hit him two home runs.
O'Neill: Say what?
Kramer: You know, Klick!. A couple of dingers.
O'Neill: You promised a kid in the hospital that I would hit two home runs?
Kramer: Yeah, well, no good?
O'Neill: Yeah. That's no good. It's terrible. You don't hit home runs like that. It's hard to hit home runs. And where the heck did you get two from?
Kramer: Two is better than one.
O'Neill: That, that's ridiculous. I'm not a home run hitter.
Kramer: Well, Babe Ruth did it.
O'Neill: He did not.
Kramer: Oh, do you say that Babe Ruth is a liar?
O'Neill: I'm not calling him a liar but he was not stupid enough to promise two.
Kramer: Well, maybe I did overextend myself.
O'Neill: How the heck did you get in here anyway?
James: (on phone) Oh, hi Elaine. You know I lost all of my 630 clients because of you. . . . Yeah, well why did you have to stick your feet in my face? . . . Yes, I have the jacket. Hold on. . . . (to dogs) Fellas!
Tv: The Yankees take the field on a beautiful afternoon.
Kramer: It's hot in here. Hey, Bobby, can I have some of your juice?
Bobby: After Paul O'Neill hits his first home run.
Holly: (from buzzer) It's Holly.
Jerry: Yeah. Come on up.
Tv: And the two and one pitch to O'Neill. A towering shot back to deep right field and it's gone.
Kramer: Yeah.
Tv: A home run for Paul O'Neill. The Yanks lead one nothing.
Kramer: OH YEAH! ALL RIGHT!
Bobby: One more to go.
Jerry: Hey. What's all this?
Holly: I decided I was going to make you dinner.
Jerry: I thought we were going out.
Holly: Well, after you scarfed up my mutton I had the irresistible urge to make pork chops for you. I said hello to Franco for you.
Jerry: Franco?
Holly: Your butcher, down the street.
Jerry: I bet he acted aloof like he didn't know me.
Holly: A little.
Jerry: That is so Franco.
Tv: Bottom of the eighth, score tied at one apiece. Two and one to Paul O'Neill.
Kramer: You know Bobby, it's very very hard to hit two home runs in one game. Even for Paul O'Neill.
Kramer: He can do it, Mr. Kramer. I know he can. He'll do it for me.
Tv: "Klick! Long fly ball into deep left field over Bell's head . . . O'Neill's rounding second O'Neill going for third, O'Neill rounding . . .
Kramer: Come on Come on!
Tv: . . . third being waived in.
Kramer: GO! GO!!
Tv: . . . Martinez throws it over Alomar's head. O'Neill is safe at home. And the Yankees take the lead.
Kramer: An In The Park Home Run!
Bobby: Yeay!
Kramer: All Right! Yeah, well, I guess I'll be on my way (grabs framed card)
Tv: That's being scored a triple for Paul O'Neill with a throwing error charged to Martinez.
Bobby: Hey,
Kramer: Huh?
Bobby: that's not a home run. (grabs frame)
Kramer: Yeah, maybe not technically, but
Bobby: You said he'd hit two home runs.
Kramer: Oh, come on. Bobby, Bobby! That's just as good!
Bobby: Well, you're not taking that card.
Kramer: Now, Bobby, Bobby, we had a deal . . . gimme that
Holly: So, is the chop the way you like it?
Jerry: I usually like mine with an angioplasty.
Elaine: You know something really stinks to high h Holly! What are you doing here?
Jerry: What everyone does here. - Cooking pork chops.
Elaine: I'm uh, I'm meeting James here. He's bringing over your jacket.
Holly: What about the napkins?
Elaine: I didn't take your napkins.
Holly: Then who did?
Elaine: Ask Jerry.
Jerry: We could argue all night over who took the napkins. The point is in today's modern world it just doesn't seem relevant.
Wilhelm: I still want to know what happened to that birthday card? Now, Morgan, did you ever sign it?
Morgan: No sir, George never gave it to me.
George: No, that's right, I didn't. I take full responsibility for the card not being here. I, uh, . . .
Kramer: Hi,
Wilhelm: What's this?
Kramer: Oh, it's a birthday card.
Kramer: (to George) Oh, by the way, tomorrow night, Paull O'Neill has to catch a fly ball in his hat.
Wilhelm: George, this is beautiful. Why didn't you tell me you were going to have it mounted like this?
Kramer: And you were probably just going to stick it in an envelope.
Wilhelm: Ha ha ha ha ha, George, keep up the good work.
Morgan: Ha ha, uh, well you screwed me again, Costanza. How am I supposed to sign the card now when it's already under glass?
Elaine: Uh, this is,
Holly: Excuse me. What are those dogs wearing?
James: Oh, bandanas, aren't they cute?
Holly: You gave Memma's napkins to some dogs?!
Jerry: Hey, what happened to my jacket?
James: Oh, the dogs did that but it wasn't their fault, somebody stuffed some strange meat in the pocket.
Holly: Was it mutton?
James: Could have been.
Holly: Do you always stuff meat in your pocket?
Jerry: Uh, sometimes I use the sofa.
George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Steinbrenner: Yes, George, please, come in, come in.
Steinbrenner: Thanks for the card. I loved it. Gosh it made me feel good. You know, word has it that you were the brains behind the whole thing.
George: Oh, no, not just me, the whole organization. Especially Mr. Morgan.
Steinbrenner: Morgan, Morgan, you know his name is conspicuously absent from this card. Almost like he went out of his way not to sign it.
George: Oh no, Morgan is a good man sir.
Steinbrenner: You can stop kowtowing to Morgan. Congratulations, you got his job.
George: Wa, uh, thank you sir, you know I am not quite sure I'm right for it.
Steinbrenner: Stop it George, he's out, you're in.
Steinbrenner: A lot more work you know.
George: I know.
Steinbrenner: A lot more responsibility. Long long hours.
George: I know.
Steinbrenner: Not much more money. But you'll finally get the recognition you deserve.
George: That's what I'm afraid of. You know Mr. Steinbrenner, . . .
Steinbrenner: You know as painfull as it is I had to let a few people go over the years. Yogi Berra, Lou Pinella, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Houser, Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Scott Marrow, Billy Martin, Bob Lemmon, Billy Martin, Gene Michael, Buck Showalter, uh, tut!, . . .George, you didn't hear that from me. (George exits) . . . George!


I Always Feel Bad For The Silver Medal Winner In The Olympics. How Do You Live With That The Rest Of Your Life? People Are Gonna Keep Asking: - How much did you lose by? - I don't even know...! It was like...(very fast) now.now...now.now..now..was like, like... now..now..now...! It was it...! Eh, it was it and I lost. I trained, I worked out, I exercised, I did everything, I was doing push-ups, sit-ups, I never did anything but exercise and work out for 20 years, I flew half way around the world and aaaaaaaaaah!...(showing a tiny distance between his index and thumb) And that was...it was a photo-finish! Silver...(stretching his neck forward)...gold. If I had a pimple, I would've won.
Jerry: (to Elaine) I can't believe you write for this J.Peterman catalog. (to George) Get this one "I packed my rod and reel. 30 hours later, lost in the fiord, a welcoming smile. Thank god she spotted the epaulettes on my Norwegian ice-fishing vest".
George: This catalog is all about how to score in a foreign country.
Elaine: Yeah. What do you do all day?
George: Not that much.
Elaine: uh-uh.
Jerry: I thought that new promotion was supposed to be a lot more work.
George: Yeah, when the season starts. Right now, I sit around pretending that I'm busy.
Jerry: How do you pull that off?
George: I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. Think about it... (acts annoyed for 3 seconds).
Elaine: Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!
Jerry: Yeah, he looks busy! Yeah!
George: I know what I'm doin'. In fact Mr. Wilhelm gave me one of those little stress dolls. All right. (gets up) Back to work. (acts annoyed and leaves)
Elaine: (laughs)
Jerry: So did you come up with a little stupid story for the Himalayan walking shoe yet?
Elaine: No. I'm completely blocked! In fact, I'm gonna work on it tonight. Oh. Oh no! Oh, I can't! I got that marathon runner coming in tonight.
Jerry: What marathon runner?
Elaine: You know, this guy Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul... I met him when I was working at Pendant, editing a book on running...
Jerry: Oh, wait! Jean-Paul, Jean-Paul! Isn't he the guy who overslept at the Olympics 4 years ago and missed the marathon?!
Elaine: Yeah, that's him.
Jerry: He's from uh...Trinidad and Tobago, right?
Elaine: Yeah, he's Trinidadian and...Tobagan. (laughs)
Jerry: How do you oversleep at the Olympics...?
Elaine: Ah, I know. I know...!
Jerry: I mean, it's like the biggest event of your life! You'd think you'd have, like, 6 alarm clocks, payin'-off little kids in the village to come banging on your door...
Elaine: Yeah, well, he was pretty devastated. This is his first race in 3 years.
Jerry: Ah...that's a big responsability on your hands.
Elaine: What responsibility? I don't have any responsibility.
Jerry: You gotta wake him up!
Elaine: Eh...he'll get up...
Elaine: Hi, Judy.
Judy: Hi, Elaine. How are you?
Elaine: Fine. (laughs)
Jerry: I've seen her in your building.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: I didn't know she was married.
Elaine: (whispering) She's not... and the guy just took off. (makes a sad face) Don't say anything to anybody.
Jerry: Whom I gonna tell?
Elaine: I know, it's just something you have to say...
Wilhelm: George, we just got the final budget numbers. We went over budget on some of the items, but I don't think there's gonna be a problem. (hands over the budget file to a very annoyed George) I'll let you get back to work, George. (Mr. Wilhelm leaves the office)
Jerry: He overslept and missed the whole race. Isn't that amazing?
George: I'll tell you what happened. I bet he got the AM/PM mixed-up.
Jerry: My money's on the snooze. I bet he hit the snooze for an extra 5 and it never came back on. (Kramer enters with a bucket and starts filling it with water on the sink) Imagine your whole life riding on an alarm clock.
Kramer: Alarm clocks? I never use 'em. Don't trust 'em.
Jerry: What do you do?
Kramer: I have a uh...mental alarm. I set my head for... quarter to seven and... (makes sound with the lips - "pop!") ...I get up!
Jerry: Always works?
Kramer: It never fails. See, it's based on your body clock. See, your body has an internal mechanism. It knows what time it is.
George: uh-uh. What's with the bucket?
Kramer: Lomez, he sold me his hot tub.
Jerry: Hot tub?
Kramer: Yeah yeah, it's in my living room. I just gotta fill it. (points to bucket)
George: You put a hot tub... in your living room?
Kramer: Oh, it's a beauty! It's got these high-volume aqua-sage jets oscillating and pulsating, soothing your every aching muscle. The water's gonna get over 120 degrees! (happy)
George: Is that tolerable?
Kramer: Oh...it's tolerable...! (happy)
Jerry: Isn't that the same temperature the coffee that scalded you?
Kramer: Oh, I think it's a little cooler than that... (smiles and leaves)
George: He uh...doesn't have any running water?
Jerry: I don't ask those kind of questions anymore.
Elaine: Jerry. Jerry, this is Jean-Paul.
Jerry: Ah, hi Jean-Paul. Nice to meet you.
Jean-Paul: Nice to meet you.
Jerry: Sorry about the Olympics.
Jean-Paul: Me too. (disappointed)
Elaine: Listen, listen I'm gonna go call work to see if I can get my deadline extended. I can't...come up with anything for this thing.
Jerry: Ah...catalog writer's block?
Elaine: Yeah, that's funny. (annoyed)
Jerry: (pause) So what happened? The snooze alarm, wasn't it?
Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn't the snooze. Most people think it was the snooze, but no, no snooze.
Jerry: AM/PM.
Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn't the AM/PM. It was the volume.
Jerry: Ah...the volume.
Jean-Paul: Yes, the volume. There was a separate knob for the radio alarm.
Jerry: Ah, separate knob.
Jean-Paul: Yes, separate knob. Why separate knob?! Why separate knob?! (frustrated)
Jerry: Some people like to have the radio alarm a little louder than the radio.
Jean-Paul: Oh, please, man, please!
Jerry: Don't worry, it's not gonna happen again. Not if I have anything to say about it.
Jerry: Elaine, what's the alarm clock situation in your house?
Elaine: Jerry...
Jerry: It's a simple question...
Elaine: I've got an alarm, ok?
Jerry: That old one? Didn't I once miss a flight to Cleveland because of that alarm clock?
Jean-Paul: Flight to Cleveland?
Elaine: It works.
Jerry: Elaine...
Elaine: It... works!
George: Eh...come oooon...(starts stabbing the paper with the pen. Mr. Wilhelm comes in)
Wilhelm: George...I think you may be taking work a little too seriously.
George: Well...I've got a lot to do!
Wilhelm: George, I'll tell you what I'd like you to do. I, I'd like you to drop everything.
Wilhelm: I have this... fun little assignment I think you'll enjoy. There's some reps in from the Houston Astros for talks on that interleague play... and I want you to show them a good time.(George acts like "ok, you're the boss")
Elaine: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Jerry: You're 40 minutes late. What happened?
Elaine: I got held up. Do you mind if I heat this muffin up?
Jerry: No.
Elaine: What? (Elaine puts her muffin in the microwave and sets the timer) What is the problem?
Jerry: Well, you said you were gonna be here at a certain time, and you weren't.
Elaine: uh-uh. uh-uh. And this all means uh...what?
Jerry: Well, means that a man has come from very far away to compete in a very difficult race, he's put his faith in you, and frankly, I'm a little concerned!
Elaine: Oh are you?!
Jerry: Yes I am.
Elaine: Hey, I'm not running in the marathon! He is!
Jerry: Yeah, I know that!
Elaine: Yeah, I got enough to think about just tryin' to come up with some load o'crap for that Himalayan walking shoe! I mean, I've given him a place to stay, I'll set an alarm, but I'm not gonna turn my life completely upside down for this guy!
Jerry: I'm not talking about upside down. (Jean-Paul and Kramer come in) I'm talking about waking him up!
Elaine: Hey, Jean-Paul.
Jerry: Hey, Jean-Paul. How was your soak? Was a good soak?
Jean-Paul: Ah, man, very good soak. The soak o'the year!
Kramer: (smelling) What's burning?
Elaine: Oh! (rushing to the microwave) My muffin! (opens microwave door) Oh, shoot! (slams it)
Jerry: What happened?
Elaine: Oh I don't know. I set this thing for 20 seconds.
Kramer: This was set for 2 minutes. See?
Elaine: (pointing at Jerry) Don't say anything! Don't..say..anything!
Jean-Paul: You miss-set the timer...
Elaine: (leaning against the refrigerator) Jean-Paul, it's not my microwave, ok? Ok? All right, listen, let's just go. Come on, Jean-Paul, let's go. Let's go.
Jean-Paul: Ok.
Elaine: (to Jerry) All right. We'll see you at the race, ok?
Jerry: Yeah. I hope so ?!
Elaine: Oh that's cute! (closes door and exits with Jean-Paul)
Jerry: Kramer, I'm tellin' you, Elaine doesn't know whatta hell she's doin'! I gotta take over this whole operation!
Kramer: Jerry, look how tense you are... You need to take a soak.
Jerry: I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria frat you got goin' there.
Kramer: Come on, I'm tellin' you, it's great. I opened up all the windows... the air is cold, the tub is boiling hot... It's like Sweden, man. Sweeeeden!
Kramer: (relaxing) ...oooohhh yeeaaah... aaahhh... (he is really enjoying this)
Clayton: ...'till this bastard over here says "let's call the sons o'bitches and go visit 'em on New York!" (the 3 men laugh)
George: (smiling) Well, we're certainly glad that you could make it.
Gardner: I like your organization, George. We've been talkin' to a really friendly son of a bitch in the front office. Wilhelm, I think his name.
George: Oh yes, Mr.Wilhelm, yeah...
Gardner: He told us that George Costanza was gonna be takin' us bastards out on the town. (the 3 men laugh again) I said "that son of a bitch doesn't know what he's got in store for him!". (the 3 men laugh once more)
Zeke: Finish your drink?
George: Oh yeah, al-almost. Almost.
Zeke: Let's get that bastard bring us another round! (waves to bartender)
Clayton: You a big drinker, George?
George: Well...maybe not as much as this bastard... (points at Zeke, they all laugh) I can hold my own! (they all continue laughing and drinking)
Jerry: Jean-Paul, I asked you down here this morning because I'm concerned. Concerned that tomorrow is perhaps the biggest race of your entire career. And the person with whom you have chosen to stay... is uh...
Jean-Paul: What are you saying?
Jerry: I'm saying "get the hell outta there"! Let me put you in a hotel. You'll be comfortable, you'll be near the starting line, and most importantly... you'll have a wake-up call, Jean-Paul! A wake-up call!
Jean-Paul: Wake-up call...
Jerry: These people never fail. They sit in a room with a big clock all night long, just waitin' to make that call! (George comes in)
Jean-Paul: No, I will stay with Elaine. It would be rude.
George: Hey, you bastards.
Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?
George: I really like those sons of bitches.
Jerry: Sons of bitches?
George: Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like uh..."boy, that son of a bitch Box can really hit, uh?!" (laughs)
Jean-Paul: Really?!
George: Yeah, yeah. That's how they talk in the major league. (laughs)
Kramer: Heeeeey...
Jerry: How many sweaters you got on?
Kramer: Oh...four. (to waitress) Yeah, could I have a cup o'tea? Boiling hot.
George: What's goin'on?
Kramer: I fell asleep in the hot tub and the heat pump broke. Water went down to 58 degrees. I can't get my core temperature back up!
Jerry: Your core temperature?
Kramer: (to Jean-Paul) Here, feel my hand. (takes off glove) Yeah, feel.
Jean-Paul: Phew... this son of a bitch is ice-cold. (smiles)
George: Hello?
Clayton: uh...is that you, George?
George: (laughs) Yeah, it's me. Is this Clayton?
Clayton: Well listen, you son of a bitch! You know where we are? 30 000 feet above your head, you bastard! (the 3 laugh and howl)
George: What are they doin' lettin' you bastards on an airplane? Don't they know that's against FAA regulation?
Clayton: (to the other 2 men) Hey, hush up, now! I can't hear him!
George: Listen. I want you guys to send along those agreements the minute you land. Our boys can't wait to kick your butts!
Zeke: (to Clayton) When's that bastard comin' to Houston?
Clayton: Hey, Zeke wants to know when you Yankee bastards are comin' to Houston!
George: You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston. Not as long as you bastards are running things.
Clayton: Hey, uh, speak up, George, I can't hear ya!
George: (Mr.Wilhelm comes in and hears George yelling) You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston! Not as long as you bastards are running things!
Wilhelm: George! George, get a hold of yourself!
George: Mr.Wilhelm...
Wilhelm: What's the matter with you?!
George: Well I-I...
Elaine: (thinking and typing) It was a cold winter's night in Timbuktu... (hits the keyboard) Oh! This stinks! (grabs a Himalayan walking shoe and starts squeezing it for inspiration) Oh, come on... come on...!...God! (quits)
Jean-Paul: Hello.
Judy: Hello.
Jean-Paul: I'm a friend of Elaine's.
Judy: Oh, hi.
Jean-Paul: (looks at the baby) oooooh...look at the cute little bastard... (the building manager comes in) you are mama's little bastard, aren't you? (laughs)
Manager: Whatta hell are you doin' harassing my tenants?
Jean-Paul: (smiling) Oh come on, you son of a bitch. I'm just trying to be friendly.
Manager: All right, that's it! (grabs Jean-Paul and gets him out) Let's go!
Jean-Paul: What...but I got a race tomorrow!
George: Whoa...it's like a furnace in here!
Jerry: Oh whatta hell is goin'on?!
Kramer: Yeah, I turned up the heat.
Jerry: Turn up the heat in your apartment! (opens a window)
Kramer: I'm freezin'! I just need to get my hot tub running. I'm waiting for my new heat pump.
George: Well what's in this giant box out in the hall?
Kramer: Uh? Oh that must be it.
George: It's huge!
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I got the biggest one they had. It's industrial strength. 16000 BTU's.
Jerry: Hello?...yeah, I can be there in 10 minutes...you can count on me! (hangs up)
George: (Jerry is going to his bedroom) What?
Jerry: I got the call...!
George: Jean-Paul?
Jerry: (stops walking) Jean-Paul! (George acts like he scored)
Jerry: Pretty lucky to find this hotel, Jean-Paul.
Jean-Paul: Man, I just want to get some sleep. (gets into bed)
Jerry: All right. (picks up the alarm clock) Let's check out the clock. Notch good... 650... volume check. (music playing, he starts swinging) What kinda music you wanna wake up to? Top 40, classical...
Jean-Paul: Man, whatever! (annoyed)
Jerry: How about adult contemporary?
Jean-Paul: Fine, adult contemporary. Just pick one! (irritated)
Jerry: All right...we're going with adult contempo... (puts alarm away, gets phone) now... the failsafe. The wake-up guy... (dials)
Jean-Paul: Yes, yes, the wake-up guy.
Man: (on the phone) Front desk...?
Jerry: Yeah, this is room 419, I'd like a wake-up call for 650 AM tomorrow morning.
Man: Yes sir.
Jerry: That's room 419. 650 AM. Four...one...niner...
Man: Yes, I got it sir. You only had to say it once.
Jerry: I know, but it's a very important wake-up call... and I don't wanna take any chances.
Man: Every wake-up call I make is important. You're no more important than any of our guests.
Jerry: Well, I just...don't wanna get into a whole thing with you here...
Man: Are you through? (annoyed)
Jerry: ...Yeah I am, but I just...(man hangs-up)
Jerry: humm...
Jean-Paul: What is it...?
Jerry: I think I offended the wake-up guy...! (worried)
Jean-Paul: No, no.
Jerry: (gets up) No, no, I did. I think he's got it in for me!
Jean-Paul: Man, he doesn't got "in" for you.
Jerry: What if he doesn't call now out of spite?
Jean-Paul: It is his job!
Jerry: (pause) Not comfortable... (gets up again)
Jean-Paul: For God's sake...! (gets up and they start packing)
Elaine: Jean-Paul? (searching everywhere) Hey Jean-Paul? Jean-Paul? (worried) Jean-Paul?! Oh man... (calling Jerry's) Oh...machine.
Jerry'S Machine: I'm not here, leave a message.
Elaine: Jerry, Jerry, Jean-Paul's missing! He's alone in the city! Call me back. (hangs up)
Elaine: Judy, hi, listen...
Judy: You have got some nerve, Elaine! I told you about that baby in confidence!
Elaine: Oh I didn't tell anyone.
Judy: Well your friend certainly seemed to know all about it. (shuts the door)
Elaine: ... Jerry! (runs angry to her apartment)
Jerry: Feel much better here at my home base, Jean-Paul. It's a controlled environment.
Jean-Paul: It's a marathon, you know. 26 miles! I need to get some sleep! (lies on the sofa)
Jerry: Hey, believe me, if I'd been with you there in Barcelona...you'd be polishing that medal right now. (covers Jean-Paul with a blanket)
Jean-Paul: Left a comfortable hotel bedroom for this!
Jerry: That wake-up guy was trouble! All right, I'll be right back. (goes knocking on Kramer's)
Jerry: (shouting) Man that thing is noisy!
Kramer: (shouting) Yeah yeah, we're cracking along pretty good! We're almost up to 80 degrees!
Jerry: Yeah, listen, do me a favor. Set your mental alarm for 630 and gimme a call.
Kramer: Yeah, ok. Wait. (concentrates and makes the "pop!" sound) Done! (Jerry stares, confused)
Jerry: He's put his faith in you. He's put his faith in you.
Jean-Paul: I trust Elaine, she is my friend. I trust Elaine, she is my friend.
Jerry: Frankly, I'm a little concerned.
Elaine: Ohhh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a thousand times! It's never looked so strange! The faces...so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless...a bastard child, perhaps. My back aches...my heart aches...but my feet (stops to look at her feet) ...my feet are resilient! (a big smile grows in her face, as she thinks...) Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my... HIMALAYAN WALKING SHOES!!! (lifting her arms up in the air, in ecstasy, as she says...) Yes!
(Two Clocks At A Table, Both 4: 02 AM. Jean-Paul's sleeping at the sofa)
(4: 02 AM. Kramer snores. The heat pump short circuits and blows the fuses on the entire building)
(Jerry Wakes Up With The Sunlight. Looks At The Electric Clock, Which Stopped At 4: 02)
Jerry: 402? (Checks his wristwatch) Aaa-aaahhh! Eight forty seven Jean-Paul! Wake up! Wake uuuuup!
We Gotta Go! It'S 8: 47!
Jean-Paul: 847!? (jumps out of the sofa)
Jerry: Come on, just put your clothes on! You'll get dressed in the car!
Jean-Paul: Idiot! I trusted you!
Jerry: Kramer, what happened to the building?! The electricity went out!
Kramer: Yeah, the heat pump blew all the fuses!
Jerry: What happened to your mental alarm?!
Kramer: I guess I hit the snooze... (Jerry runs by Kramer and Kramer falls down)
Jerry: Make way! I've got-I've got a runner here! Get outta the way! Make way! Make way! Make way, it's a contender! (an event guard stops them)
Guad: Hey, hold it!
Jean-Paul: I'm late, man, I'm in the race!
Guard: Go ahead.
Jean-Paul: Thank you Jerry, you're a wonderful driver. Fantastic route, man!
Jerry: All right, go, it's a race! Come on!
George: You wanted to see me, Mr.Steinbrenner?
Steinbrenner: Yes, George, come in, come in. George, word up's you've been cracking under the pressure. Can't cope, can't stand the heat. Spit the bit.
George: Oh no, Mr.Steinbrenner, I can explain...
Steinbrenner: Oh we all get a little cuckoo sometimes George, I used to be like you. Rating personnel 'till they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey, just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George hot tub. (George looks at him, puzzled)
Jerry: I'm tellin'you, I never told anyone about that baby. I never even went near your building!
Elaine: Then how did she find out, Jerry?!
Jerry: Maybe you should check with the rabbi.
Kramer: (to Elaine) You want some hot tea?
Elaine: Oh no, thank you.
Kramer: Oh. There's some runners. Here they come!
Elaine: There's Jean-Paul! He's up front! He's leading! (jumping) Go Jean-Paul!(starts screaming)
Kramer: Oh yeah! Yeah! Come on! (starts howling)
Jerry: Come on, let's go Jean-Paul!
Elaine: Go Jean-Paaaaaul!
Steinbrenner: How're you enjoying it, George? Melts that tension away, doesn't it? You gotta get that jet on the good spot. Oh. Oh. Uh. Uh. Yes, that feels good. Yes, that's real good. Oh yeah, that's where I keep all my tension. Right down to that chicken bone. Sometimes I get my wife to just stuck her thumb right in there like a screwdriver. Ya know, the Phillips head, not the flat one. Oh God, those flat ones frustrate me. You got it in, but it slips out. You put it in again, slips out again. You a single man, George?
George: (bored to death) Well, I-I just recently uh...
Steinbrenner: I'll tell you, if you wanna get something wild goin'on in your life, you get a girl and bring her to one o'these things. Just like 4 shots a wild turkey. (laughs) She'll think you're Hopalong Cassidy. (George starts sliding, until he gets all his head -and glasses- under water, as Steinbrenner keeps talking) A show, about that Mickey Mantle, wasn't it? You know we used to talk. I don't think he liked me very much, you know.


George: All right. So, what theatre you wanna go to tonight? We got 61st and 3rd or 84th and Broadway.
Jerry: Which one you wanna go to shmoopy?
Sheila: You called me shmoppy. You're a shmoopy.
Jerry: You're a shmoopy!
Sheila: You're a shmoopy!
Jerry: You're a shmoopy!
George: All right, shmoopies...what's it gonna be? Pick a theater.
Jerry: Uh,..we'll go to 3rd Avenue. So, can you come with us for lunch to the soup place?
Sheila: No. You have a good lunch. But I'll meet you back here for the movie.
George: Hey.
Elaine: Hey.
Sheila: Hi Elaine.
Elaine: Hi Sheila.
Jerry: All right, then. I'll see you later.
Sheila: Bye shmoopy.
Jerry: Bye shmoopy.
Elaine: Okay. We ready to go?
George: Yes. Please. Please, let's go.
Elaine: Boy, I'm in the mood for a cheeseburger.
Jerry: No. We gotta go to the soup place.
Elaine: What soup place?
George: Oh, there's a soup stand, Kramer's been going there.
Jerry: He's always raving. I finally got a chance to go there the other day, and I tell you this, you will be stunned.
Elaine: Stunned by soup?
Jerry: You can't eat this soup standing up, your knees buckle.
Elaine: Huh. All right. Come on.
Jerry: There's only one caveat - the guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure. He's secretly referred to as the Soup Nazi.
Elaine: Why? What happens if you don't order right?
Jerry: He yells and you don't get your soup.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: Just follow the ordering procedure and you will be fine.
George: All right. All right. Let's - let's go over that again.
Jerry: All right. As you walk in the place move immediately to your right.
Elaine: What?
Jerry: The main thing is to keep the line moving.
George: All right. So, you hold out your money, speak your soup in a loud, clear voice, step to the left and receive.
Jerry: Right. It's very important not to embellish on your order. No extraneous comments. No questions. No compliments.
Elaine: Oh, boy, I'm really scared!
Jerry: Elaine.
Elaine: All right. Jerry, that's enough now about the Soup Nazi. Whoa! Wow! Look at this. You know what this is? This is an antique armoire. Wow! It's French. Armoire.
Jerry: Ar-moire.
Elaine: How much is this?
Furniture Guy: I was asking 250, but you got a nice face. 2 even.
Elaine: Huh? Ha. 200. You know, I've always wanted one of these things.
Jerry: He gave you the nice face discount.
Elaine: Yeah. All right. You guys go ahead.
Jerry: What about the soup?
Elaine: I'm getting an armoire, Jerry.
Jerry: [in French accent] Pardon.
George: This line is huge.
Jerry: It's like this all the time.
George: Isn't that that Bania guy?
Jerry: Oh, no. It is. Just be still.
George: Whoop! Too late. I think he picked up the scent.
Bania: Hey, Jerry! I didn't know you liked soup.
Jerry: Hard to believe.
Bania: This guy makes the best soup in the city, Jerry. The best. You know what they call him? Soup Nazi.
Jerry: Shhhhh! All right, Bania, I - I'm not letting you cut in line.
Bania: Why not?
Jerry: Because if he catches us, we'll never be able to get soup again.
Bania: Okay. Okay.
George: Medium turkey chili.
Jerry: Medium crab bisque.
George: I didn't get any bread.
Jerry: Just forget it. Let it go.
George: Um, excuse me, I - I think you forgot my bread.
Soup Nazi: Bread - $2 extra.
George: $2? But everyone in front of me got free bread.
Soup Nazi: You want bread?
George: Yes, please.
Soup Nazi: $3!
George: What?
Soup Nazi: No soup for you! [snaps fingers]
Elaine: What do you mean I can't bring in here? I live here.
Super: Its Sunday, Elaine. There's no moving on Sunday. That's the rule.
Elaine: But I didn't know, Tom. I g - can't you just make an exception? Please. I've got a nice face.
Super: Tomorrow, okay? You can move it in tommorrow. I'll even give you a hand, all right?
Elaine: Ohh! Well, you're just gonna have to hold this for me.
Furniture Guy: I'm a guy on the sidewalk. I don't have layaway.
Elaine: Oh, no...please don't go. Please - please don't walk away.
Jerry: Oh, man. Ohh! This is fantastic. How does he do it?
George: You know, I don't see how you can sit there eating that and not even offer me any?
Jerry: I gave you a taste. What do you want?
George: Why can't we share?
Jerry: I told you not to say anything. You can't go in there, brazenly flaunt the rules and then think I'm gonna share with you!
George: Do you hear yourself?
Jerry: I'm sorry. This is what comes from living under a Nazi regime.
George: Well, I gotta go back there and try again. Hi Sheila.
Sheila: Hi. Hi shmoopy.
Jerry: Hi shmoopy.
Sheila: No, you're a shmoopy!
Jerry: You're a shmoopy!
George: I'm going.
Jerry: Hey, listen, so we'll meet you and Susan at the movie tonight?
George: You know what? I changed my mind. I, uh, I don't think so.
Jerry: Why?
George: I just don't feel like it anymore.
Jerry: Just like that?
George: Just like that.
Sheila: Boy, he's a weird guy, isn't he?
Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: [taking Jerry's couch cushion] Yeah.
Jerry: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Wha - what are you doing?
Kramer: Yeah. Elaine, she has to leave her armoire on the street all night...I'm gonna guard it for her. I need something to sit on.
Jerry: Well, sit on one of your couch cushions.
Kramer: Yeah, but this is so nice and thick. Ahoy there!
Elaine: Oh, Kramer! Thank God. I really appreciate you doing this.
Kramer: Yeah. Well, you ask for it, you got it.
Elaine: Do you need anything?
Kramer: Well, a bowl of muligatawny would hit the spot.
Elaine: Mulligatawny?
Kramer: Yeah. It's an Indian soup. It's simmered to perfection by one of the great soup artisans in the modern era.
Elaine: Oh! Who? The Soup Nazi?
Kramer: He's not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are.
Elaine: All right. I'll be back.
Kramer: Wait a second. You don't even know how to order.
Elaine: Oh, no. No. No. No. I got it.
Kramer: No. No, Elaine!
Elaine: Hey, I got it. Hey. Didn't you already get soup?
George: No. I didn't get it.
Elaine: Why? What happened?
George: I made a mistake.
Elaine: [laughing]
George: All right. Well, we'll see what happens to you.
Elaine: Yeah. No. Listen, George, I am quite certain I'm walking out of there with a bowl of soup.
George: Yeah. Hey, let ask you something. Is it just me, or - or do you find it unbearable to be around Jerry and that girl?
Elaine: Oh, I know! It is awful!
George: Why do they have to do that in front of people?
Elaine: I don't know.
George: What is that with the shmoopy?
Elaine: Ohh!
George: The shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmmopy, shmoopy!
Elaine: Ohh! Stop it! I know.
George: I had to listen to a five minute discussion on which one is actually called shmoopy.
Elaine: Ugh!
George: And I cancelled plans to go to the movies with them tonight.
Elaine: You know, we should say something.
George: You know, we absolutely should.
Elaine: I mean, why does he do that? Doesn't he know what a huge turnoff that is?
George: I don't know. He can be so weird sometimes.
Elaine: Yeah.
George: I still haven't figured him out.
Elaine: No. Me neither.
George: All right. Shh! I gotta focus. I'm shifting into soup mode.
Elaine: Oh, God!
George: Good afternoon. One large crab bisque to go. Bread. Beautiful.
Soup Nazi: You're pushing your luck little man.
George: Sorry. Thank you.
Elaine: Hi there. Um, uh - [drumming on countertop] Oh! Oh! Oh! One mulligatawny and, um... what is that right there? Is that lima bean?
Soup Nazi: Yes.
Elaine: Never been a big fan. [coughing] Um..you know what? Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Pacino? You know, " Scent Of A Woman." Who-ah! Who-ah!
Soup Nazi: Very good. Very good.
Elaine: Well, I -
Soup Nazi: You know something?
Elaine: Hmmm?
Soup Nazi: No soup for you!
Elaine: What?
Soup Nazi: Come back one year! Next!
Ray: Look at this.
Bob: It's an antique.
Ray: It's all hand made and I love the in-lay.
Bob: Yes. Yes. me, too. Ay, it's gorgeous. Completely. Pick it up. No. No. Pick it up from the bottom over there.
Kramer: Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What are you doing?
Bob: What does it look like we're doing? We're taking this.
Kramer: You can't take this. This belongs to a friend of mine.
Bob: Look, you wanna get hurt?
Kramer: Huh?
Bob: I don't think you wanna get hurt. Because if you wanna get hurt I can hurt you. Now, just back off.
Ray: Bob.
Bob: Just pick it up.
Kramer: What is this, huh?
Bob: You have some kind of problem here? What is it you not understanding? We taking the armoire and that's all there is to it. Okay?
Elaine: I mean, is he allowed to do this? It's discrimination! I'm gonna call the states' attorney office. I really am.
George: Oh, this is fabulous. My God Elaine, you have to taste this.
Elaine: All right. All right. Give me a tsate. Mmm! Oh God, I gotta sit down. What happened? Where's my armoire?
Kramer: Well, b - it was stolen.
Elaine: Wha-?
Kramer: These street toughs, they robbed me.
Elaine: Street toughs took my armoire?
Kramer: Yeah. It was very frightening. My life was in danger. You should've seen the way they talked to me.
Elaine: I can't believe this!
Kramer: Well, where's the soup?
Elaine: Wha - the Soup Nazi threw me out.
Kramer: Oh...yeah!
Jerry: What are you gonna get?
Sheila: I'll decide at the last minute.
Jerry: You better decide, sister. You're on deck. Sheila!
Jerry: Uh-oh.
Soup Nazi: Hey, what is this? You're kissing in my line? Nobody kisses in my line!
Sheila: I can kiss anywhere I want to.
Soup Nazi: You just cost yourself a soup!
Sheila: How dare you? Come on, Jerry, we're leaving. Jerry?
Jerry: Do I know you?
Elaine: So, essentially, you chose soup over a woman?
Jerry: It was a bisque.
Elaine: Yeah. You know what I just realized? Suddenly, George has become much more normal than you.
Jerry: Really?
Elaine: Yeah. Come on. I mean, think about it. He's engaged to be married. Your top priority is soup.
Jerry: Have you tastes the soup?
Elaine: Yeah. All right. You made the right decision.
Jerry: See, the way I figure it, it's much easier to patch things up with Sheila than with the Soup Nazi.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Hey.
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Oh, thanks.
Elaine: There he is.
Kramer: Elaine, I'm really sorry about the armoire.
Elaine: Yeah. I know. Me, too.
Jerry: So, did these thieves want any money?
Kramer: No.
Jerry: They just wanted the armoire?
Kramer: Yeah. They were..quite taken with it.
Jerry: Yeah?
George: Hup! Hup!
Jerry: Hey, have you noticed George is acting a little strange lately?
Elaine: No. In what way?
Jerry: I don't know. A lot of attitude, like he's better than me, or something.
Elaine: I don't think George has ever thought he's better than anybody.
George: Hello.
Jerry: Hello.
Kramer: Hey.
George: Hello.
Elaine: Hello.
George: Were you just talking about me? What's going on?
Jerry: Absolutely not.
George: Something's going on here.
Kramer: All right, [claps hands] I'm gonna go get some soup.
Elaine: One of these days that guy is gonna get his.
George: So, how was the movie?
Jerry: Aw, we didn't go. Sheila and I are kind of on the outs.
George: Oh, yeah?
Jerry: Yeah. Wha - wha - what are you, happy?
George: Happy? Why should I be happy?
Jerry: I don't know, but you look like you're happy.
George: Why should I care?
Jerry: You can't fool me. Don't insult me, George because I know when you're happy.
George: All right. I am happy, and I'll tell ya why - because the two of you were making me and every one of your friends sick! Right, Elaine?
Jerry: Is that so?
George: Yeah. Yeah. With all that kissing and the shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy out in public like that. It's disgusting!
Jerry: Disgusting?
George: People who do that should be arrested.
Jerry: Well, I guess I have all the more reason to get back with her.
George: Ye - yeah. And we had a pact, you know.
Jerry: What?
George: You shook my hand in that coffee shop.
Jerry: You're still with the pact?
George: Mmm-hmm. You reneged.
Jerry: All I did was shake your hand.
George: Ah-ha!
Kramer: And then they just ran off with the armoire, just like that.
Soup Nazi: Ohh! This city.
Newman: One large jambalaya, please.
Soup Nazi: So, continue.
Kramer: Well, my friend is awful disappointed is all. You know, she's very emotional.
Newman: Thank you. [inhaling deeply] Jambalaya!
Soup Nazi: All right, now listen to me. You have been a good friend. I have an armoire in my basement. If you want to pick it up, you're welcome to it. So, take it, it's yours.
Kramer: How can I possibly thank you?
Soup Nazi: You are the only one who understands me.
Kramer: You suffer for your soup.
Soup Nazi: Yes. That is right.
Kramer: You demand perfection from yourself, from your soup.
Soup Nazi: How can I tolerate any less from my customer?
Customer: Uh, gazpacho, por favor.
Soup Nazi: Por favor?
Customer: Um, I'm part Spanish.
Soup Nazi: Adios muchacho!
Kramer: Git.
Jerry: It was stupid of me.
Sheila: Well, it was very insulting.
Jerry: No. I know. I - I was really sort of half-kidding.
Sheila: Well, behind every joke there's some truth.
Jerry: What about that Bavarian cream pie joke I told you? There's no truth to that. Nobody with a terminal illness goes from the United States to Europe for a piece of Bavarian cream pie and then when they get there and they don't have it he says " Aw, I'll just have some coffee." There's no truth to that.
Sheila: Well, I guess you're right.
Jerry: So, am I forgiven, shmoopy?
Sheila: Yes, shmoopy.
Jerry: Aw!
Susan: Hey, Jerry!
Jerry: Oh, hi Susan, George. You remember Sheila.
George: Oh, yes. Hello.
Sheila: Hello. Won't you join us?
George: No, thanks.
Susan: Of course.
George: Yes. Well - So, uh, sit on the same side at a booth, huh?
Jerry: Yeah. That's right. You got a problem?
George: I, uh, just think it's a little unusual. Two people to sit on one side...and leave the other side empty.
Jerry: Well, we're changing the rules.
George: Ahh. Good for you.
Susan: Aw, what are you getting George?
George: I don't know, honey. What do you want to get? [in babying voice] I want you to get anything you want...'cause I love you so much. I want you to be happy. Okay, sweetie?
Susan: Oh, George, you're so sweet.
George: Well, I could be a little sweetie tweetie weetie weetie.
Susan: Aww!
Jerry: What about you, shmoopy? How 'bout a little tuna? You want a little tuna fishy?
Sheila: Yeah.
Jerry: Yum yum little tuna fishy?
George: Come here.
Kramer: And..voila!
Elaine: [gasps]
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Oh! Oh, I love it! I absolutely love it!
Kramer: Yeah. Did the K Man do it or did the K Man do it?
Elaine: The K Man did it!
Kramer: Yeah!
Elaine: [laughing] How much did you pay for this thing?
Kramer: How 'bout zero?
Elaine: What?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: What? Who's was it? Where'd you get it?
Kramer: I'll tell ya where I got it. I got it from the guy you so callously refer to as the Soup Nazi.
Elaine: Get out!
Elaine: The Soup Nazi gave it to you?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Why?
Kramer: Well, I told him the whole story and he just let me have it. Wha - Yeah. He's a wonderful man.
Elaine: [gasps]
Kramer: Yeah. Well, a little bit misunderstood but, uh...
Elaine: Well, I'm just gonna go down there and personally thank him. I mean, I had this guy all wrong. This is wonderful!
Kramer: Yeah. Well, he's a dear.
George: How much tip do you leave on $8.15?
Susan: You know sweetie, I just want you to know that I was so proud of you today expressing your feelings so freely in front of Jerry and all. Just knowing that you're not afraid of those things is such a great step forward in our relationship.
George: Huh?
Susan: [in babying voice] Because you love your little kiki don't you?
Customer: How is he today?
Bania: I think he's in a good mood.
Elaine: Hi. You know, Kramer gave me the armoire and it is so beautiful. I'm mean, I just can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Soup Nazi: You? If I knew it was for you, I never would have given it to him in the first place! I would have taken a hatchet and smashed it to pieces! Now, who wants soup? Next! Speak up!
Jerry: I'm heading over to Elaine's.
Kramer: Oh. Jerry, those are the guys that mugged me for the armoire.
Jerry: Those two?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Are you sure?
Kramer: Yeah. That's them.
Jerry: Well, let's confront 'em.
Kramer: No. No. No. No. Let's get a cop.
Jerry: There's no cops around. They're gonna leave. Come on.
Kramer: No!
Jerry: Let's go.
Bob: Oh, wow look, that one is gorgeous. I would just kill for that one.
Ray: Oh, not in blue. Blue does not go with all.
Bob: Oh, please. Do you know what you're talking about? Because I don't think you know what you're talking about. Take a look at that.
Kramer: Excuse me.
Ray: Are you talking to me?
Kramer: Uh, well, uh, we -
Ray: I said, are you talking to me?
Bob: Well, maybe, he was talking to me. Was you talking to him? Because you was obviously talking to one of us. So what is it? Who?! Who was you talking to?!
Kramer: Well, wha - I, uh - uh, we were kind of, uh, talking to each other, weren't we?
Elaine: I mean, you know, I've never been so insulted in my entire life. There's something really wrong with this man. He is a Soup Nazi. What? What is that?
Jerry: I don't know. " 5 cups chopped Porcine mushrooms, half a cup of olive oil, 3 pounds of celery, chopped parsley..."
Elaine: Let me see this. [gasps] You know what this is? This is a recipe for soup, and look at this. There are like thirty different recipes. These are his recipes!
Jery: So?
Elaine: So? So, his secret's out. Don't you see? I could give these to every restaurant in town. I could have 'em published! I could - I could drop fliers from a plane above the city.
Jerry: Wait a second, Elaine. Where do you think you're going?
Elaine: What do you care?
Jerry: Elaine, I don't want you causing any trouble down at that soup stand. I happen to love that soup.
Elaine: Get out of my way, Jerry.
Jerry: Elaine, let the man make his soup!
Elaine: Don't make me hurt you, Jerry.
Susan: Look, they have it in blue...for my baby bluey. Are you my baby bluey?
George: Oh, yes. I - I'm your baby bluey.
Jerry: Well. Well.
Susan: Hi, Jerry.
Jerry: Hey, Susan, George.
Susan: You know, I really like Sheila a lot.
Jerry: Oh, really?
Susan: Mmm-hmm.
Jerry: Because we're kind of not seeing each other anymore.
Susan: Oh, no! That's too bad.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, she was very affectionate - which I love. You know I love that - but mentally, we couldn't quite make the connection.
George: Really?
Jerry: Yeah. Too bad, 'cause you gotta have the affection - which you obviously have. I think it's great that you're so open with your affections in public. See, we had that.
Susan: Mmm-hmm.
George: You did?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. But the mental thing. But anyway. I'll see ya.
George: Yeah. See ya.
Soup Nazi: Go on! Leave! Get out!
Woman: But I didn't do anything.
Soup Nazi: Next!
Elaine: Hello.
Soup Nazi: You. You think you can get soup? Please. You're wasting everyone's time.
Elaine: I don't want soup. I can make my own soup. " 5 cups chopped Porcine mushrooms, half a cup of olive oil, 3 pounds celery."
Soup Nazi: That is my recipe for wild mushroom.
Elaine: Yeah, that's right. I got 'em all. Cold cucumber, corn and crab chowder, mulligatawny.
Soup Nazi: Mulliga...tawny?
Elaine: You're through Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!
Newman: [panting] Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry: What is it?
Newman: Something's happened with the Soup Nazi!
Jerry: Wha - wha - what's the matter?
Newman: Elaine's down there causing all kinds of commotion. Somehow she got a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of business! The Soup Nazi said that now that his recipes are out, he's not gonna make anymore soup! He's moving out of the country, moving to Argentina! No more soup, Jerry! No more for of us!
Jerry: Well, where are you going?
Newman: He's giving away what's left! I gotta go home and get a big pot!


Susan: Hey, I gotta get some cash, I'm gonna run down to the ATM.
George: Yeah, I better grab some too.
Susan: I'll get it for you; just give me your card.
George: You sure?
Susan: Yeah, just tell me your code.
George: My code?
Jerry: So why didn't you tell her the code?
George: No. No way.
Jerry: George, you're gonna marry this woman. Most likely.
George: It says very clearly, 'for your protection, do not give your secret code to anyone.'
Jerry: So you're taking relationship advice from Chemical Bank now?
George: Why does everything have to be 'us'? Is there no 'me' left? Why can't there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?
Jerry: Actually, that's the definition of selfish.
George: Have you ever given your code to anyone?
Jerry: No one's ever asked. You want it? It's 'Jor-El.'
George: Superman's father on Krypton.
Jerry: Of course. C'mon Georgie, you wanna tell me. It's eating you up inside. Sing it, sister.
George: No. I am not giving my code to anyone for any reason.
Jerry: What if my life depended on it?
George: If you're in some situation where some fast cash will save your life, I'll give you the code.
George: What's the matter with your leg?
Jerry: My foot fell asleep.
George: How'd your foot fall asleep?
Jerry: I crossed my legs, I forgot to alternate.
Fred: Hey Jerry.
Jerry: Hey Fred.
George: Hey Fred.
Jerry: My foot fell asleep.
Fred: You're lucky, at least you got something to do.
Jerry: Fred, do you know Elaine?
Fred: No, it's nice to meet you. Well, I'm outta here, see you guys.
George: Alright, bye.
Jerry: Seeya.
Elaine: Did you hear that? He said, 'nice to meet you.'
Jerry: So?
Elaine: So? We've met before. At Katie Ash's party, we talked for like ten minutes.
Jerry: And he didn't remember you?
Jerry: Where are you going, you just got here?
Elaine: I gotta go talk to him.
Elaine: Excuse me, excuse me, Fred?
Fred: Yeah?
Elaine: You just said, 'nice to meet you', but actually we've met before.
Fred: We have?
Elaine: Yeah, at Katie Ash's party?
Fred: What was your name again?
Elaine: Elaine. You don't remember our conversation? I talked about how my uncle worked in the book depository building with Lee Harvey Oswald?
Fred: Not ringing a bell.
Elaine: When my uncle said to him, 'the president's been shot' Oswald winked at him and said, 'I'm gonna go catch a movie'?
Fred: Mmm, no.
Elaine: That was right when we were in front of the bathroom door.
Fred: The bathroom door. I remember someone had played tic-tac-toe on it, and the X's won; they went diagonally from the top left to the bottom right.
Jerry: Hey that sounds great, I'd love to do some TV commercials, that should really be fun.
Jerry: Uh huh, okay, alright, bye. Huh, how do you like that? I'm gonna do some TV spots for Leapin' Larry's Appliance Store. That was Leapin' Larry himself, I'm gonna meet with him tomorrow.
Kramer: Leapin' Larry! Yeah, that's where I bought this.
Jerry: What is that?
Kramer: Well, it's an emergency band scanner, it picks up everything Fires, harbor patrol, even the police. I'm watching the watchers, Jerry. Uh oh, we got a big fire on 115th. I tell ya if could do it over again, I'd give it all up to be a fireman.
Jerry: Yeah, those civil servants who risk their lives really got it made.
Kramer: When I was a kid, all I ever dreamed of was steering the back of that big hook and ladder.
Jerry: You're lucky they let you drive a car.
Kramer: No no no, they're talking the West Side Highway, at this time of day that's insane. They're heading straight into gridlock. Oh, those fools.
Elaine: What was that?
Jerry: (waving his arm in dismissal) Eh.
Elaine: Alright. So, get a load of this. This guy, Fred Yerkes, remembers every little thing about that night except me.
Jerry: Really? I'm surprised, he doesn't meet that many women.
Elaine: What are you saying?
Jerry: Well, what's to be said? He didn't remember you.
Elaine: Yeah, but why? I mean, ya know.
Jerry: I know.
Elaine: Ya know?
Jerry: Yeah, I know.
Elaine: Huh, lookit, you got the new catalog.
Jerry: Yeah, you wrote a good piece on the Himalayan Walking Shoe.
Elaine: Too good. Peterman was so pleased, now he wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow. Maybe you wanna come with me.
Jerry: Why would I wanna do that?
Elaine: Oh please, Jerry, please please please, I can't sit with him, he tells these stories, it's gonna be awful.
Jerry: Yeah, sounds like fun.
Susan: I want you to tell me, George.
George: Why? Why is my code so important?
Susan: Because, it's part of our relationship, it's an indication of trust. We're not supposed to keep secrets from one another.
George: Well I'm sure you have secrets from me. I don't know anything about your cycles.
Susan: My cycles?
George: Yeah, I never know what's going on there.
Susan: Well from now on I'll keep you apprised of my cycles.
George: Please.
Susan: Anything else?
George: We're out of Bosco!
Jerry: Howbout this, come one down to Leapin' Parry's if you can beat our prices, we'll give you the store.
Leapin' Larry: Ya know I've always liked your comedy, you don't take cheap shots.
Jerry: No I don't.
Leapin' Larry: Sorry for keeping you here so long. Again, I apologize for the mess. This renovation is killing me.
Jerry: (to himself) My foot's asleep again!
Leapin' Larry: When I lost my leg in the boating accident, I got so depressed about this damn prosthetic I thought I was gonna have to give up the business. But now I'm rejuvenated. Let me show you around the store.
Jerry: You know what? I'll be with you in a minute.
Employee: That is a great impression!
Jerry: Larry, wait, you don't understand!
Kramer: I just came from Leapin' Larry's. Making fun of crippled people, is that what you've sunk to?
Jerry: I didn't do it on purpose, my foot fell asleep.
Kramer: Oh, oh your foot fell asleep.
Jerry: Ya know, the guy has one leg and he still calls himself Leapin' Larry, you'd think he had a sense of humor about it.
Kramer: Well, you just joked yourself right out of that commercial, didn't you, munjamba?
Jerry: Yup.
Voice: Hup.
Kramer: Boy, look at that. Se that's that fire I was listening to yesterday.
Jerry: Wow, the whole building burned down.
Kramer: They just don't know what street to take. You remember that time I got us to Yankee Stadium in rush hour in fifteen minutes?
Jerry: Of course.
Kramer: It's all up here, Jerry. All up here. It's innate.
Jerry: The amazing thing is you never have any place to go.
George: Where we gonna eat?
Jerry: We're gonna meet Elaine and Peterman at the Chinese place.
George: Peterman? Nobody mentioned anything about Peterman.
Jerry: Of course not, if I did would you have gone?
George: No way.
Jerry: There you go.
George: I don't even know Peterman. How the hell am I gonna relax? I'm gonna have to be on all night. I don't like being on, Jerry, I would much rather be off.
Jerry: Trust me, you're off.
Elaine: Oh, hi Fred.
Fred: Um, hello?
Elaine: It's Elaine.
Fred: Oh yeah, yeah, right.
Elaine: How ya doin'?
Fred: I'm depressed. I got this new shirt, the button fell off. Once the button falls off, that's it. I'll never fix it.
Elaine: Yeah, that's too bad.
Fred: Yeah, I'm gonna get some vitamins, I feel depleted.
Elaine: Hmm. I never take them.
Fred: Cause they make you nauseous, right?
Elaine: Yeah! Yeah, that's right, you remembered!
Fred: Do you wanna have dinner tonight?
Elaine: Hmm. Tonight.
Fred: What, you have other plans?
Elaine: No, no no no, none that I can, um, remember.
Jerry: ...Alright, you're locked up in a prison in Turkey, I have your wallet. The only way I can bribe the guards to get you out is for you to give me your ATM code.
George: Call the Embassy.
Jerry: They're closed.
George: Why?
Jerry: Bomb threat.
George: We're in Turkey?
Jerry: Midnight Express, my friend.
George: My card won't work there; they're not on the Plus system.
Peterman: You must be Jerry Seinfeld.
Jerry: Yes, hi, Mr. Peterman. This is, uh, George Costanza.
Peterman: J. Peterman.
George: (grabbing lapels) J. Crew.
Jerry: Well, is Elaine here?
Peterman: Oh, Elaine just called, she won't be joining us. Not to worry, I'll tell the maitre'd it'll just be the three bulls.
George: What's going on? He still wants to have dinner with us?
Jerry: Without Elaine? What for?
George: What, is he crazy?
Jerry: We gotta get out of here. Come on; weave your web, liar man.
George: I've got nothing, I-I-I-I'm blank.
Jerry: George, what's the matter with you?
George: I'm choking!
Peterman: Ah, Fong has been most accommodating. Shall we?
Jerry: Actually, you know I just remembered I promised this comedy club that I'd do a set tonight, so, terribly sorry.
Peterman: I understand, no hard feelings. George and I will miss your company. Fong? It will just be two this evening. George, we dine.
Elaine: (to herself) I can't believe this, is this guy standing me up?
Peterman: ...And there, tucked into the river's bend was the object of my search. The Gwon-Jaya River market, fabrics and spices traded under a starlit sky. It was there that I discovered the Pamplona beret. Sizes seven-and-a-half through eight-and-three-quarters. Price? Thirty-five dollars.
George: Howbout sports? Do you follow sports?
Tv Announcer: It's fourth and inches and the Giants are going for it! You gotta love sports!
George: You know, this is very nice, but I really could take a cab. Really.
Peterman: Ha ha, nonsense, George. Besides it gives me a chance to tell you about my latest trip to Burma where I discovered a very unusual corduroy.
Peterman: Peterman here. What? Oh no. Alright, I'll be right there. (To George) It's my mother; she's at death's door. I just pray to God we can make it there in time.
Jerry: I can't believe you blew us off; we were doing you the favor.
Elaine: Well, Fred asked me out.
Jerry: Fred?
Elaine: Yeah, and then he stood me up. I don't get this guy.
Jerry: You see what's going on here? You're attracted to him because he can't remember anything about you.
Elaine: I am? But that's so sick.
Jerry: That's God's plan. He doesn't really want anyone to get together.
Elaine: Anyway, so how was the dinner?
Jerry: Well, when I heard you weren't coming I made up and excuse and got the hell out of there.
Elaine: What about Georgie?
Jerry: Nah, he didn't make it.
Peterman: Doctor, how is she?
Doctor: She's too weak to talk but she'll be happy to hear your voice.
Peterman: Mama, it's me. Jacopo. I'm here for you, mama.
George: I'm, uh, George Costanza. I was having dinner with your son.
Peterman: Shake off the dew, my friend.
George: Yeah. What time is it?
Peterman: It's morning. Thanks for seeing me through the night. I'll make us a pot of coffee, George. Watch her, won't you?
George: Who?
Peterman: Momma. Just talk to her, George. The doctor seems to think it helps.
George: Hi. I-I really should be getting back to my fianc, you know, we, uh, we had this big fight yesterday and, uh, well she, she wants to-to know my secret code. I-I don't know, I can't tell her. The funny thing is, you know, I would really love to tell someone 'cause it's killing me. You uh, you wanna know what it is? It's Bosco. You know, the chocolate syrup? I love that stuff, I pour it in milk, it's my favorite drink. Hoo-hoo, boy, that is a relief!
Mrs. Peterman: Bosco. Bosco.
George: Oh, shhh.
Mrs. Peterman: (sitting up) Bosco!
Mrs. Peterman: Bosco! Bosco! Bosco!
George: Shut up! Shut up!
Peterman: Momma! What are you trying to say?
Mrs. Peterman: Bosco.
Peterman: She's gone. Bosco?
George: You know this whole thing never would have happened if you hadn't bailed out on me at the restaurant.
Jerry: I did not bail out on you.
George: Well why couldn't you include me in your excuse?
Jerry: Why didn't you come up with your own?
George: I froze. I think I'm losing it.
Jerry: Ah, c'mon. Maybe you're just in a slump?
George: No, no. I reached down and there was *nothing* there.
George: Now Peterman wants me to go to the funeral.
Jerry: Oh, come on, just tell me your code already. What is it?
George: I am not giving you my code.
Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.
George: Pssh. Yeah. Right.
Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?
George: Huh?
Kramer: You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.
George: Get out of here.
Kramer: Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.
George: I'm leaving.
Kramer: (building up steam as George bolts for the door) No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
George: I gotta go.
Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
George: Shut up!
Kramer: Nestl's Quik!
George: Shut up!
George: What was that?
Elaine: What?
George: You just checked your watch. Are you thinking of bailing on him?
Elaine: I got a date.
Elaine: Oh, Mr. Peterman.
Peterman: Oh, Elaine. George, when momma said 'Bosco' she must have been trying to communicate something, a legacy, a dying wish perhaps.
George: Mothers say things. My mother goes babbling on and on like a crazy person.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you have my deepest sympathies. Unfortunately, I've gotta get going.
Peterman: You do?
George: Uh, yes, actually we-we both do.
Elaine: I have a personal commitment.
George: Well, personal, I mean, we both uh...
Peterman: What is it?
Elaine: I'm speaking at a women's' rights conference.
George: Yes, and I'm speaking at a men's' conference.
Peterman: I don't believe that for a minute. Well, Elaine, it was good of you to stop by.
Elaine: My pleasure.
Peterman: Fortunately, I still have George here to help me through this.
Peterman: You know George, growing up as a boy in Costa Rica, I heard a rumor that momma had taken a lover. Perhaps Bosco was this man's name.
Kramer: Hey, you wanna come down the fire station with me?
Jerry: Fire station?
Kramer: Yeah, I made a map of my shortcuts. I'm gonna rock their world!
Jerry: Nah, I gotta go down to Leapin' Larry's.
Kramer: Oh, so he took you back.
Jerry: Yeah, we straightened it out, all is forgiven.
Kramer: Well, you know the important thing is that you learned something.
Jerry: No I didn't.
Captain: Well, Mr. Kramer, your list of short cuts is most impressive.
Kramer: Yeah, and this is just the Upper West Side. Wait until I get to the Village, then you're gonna see a magic show.
Captain: Mr. Kramer, just about every week some brash young hothead like yourself saunters in here talking about faster routes and snazzier colors for the trucks, well, fact is we feel things are fine the way they are.
Jerry: Anyway, thanks for having me back, and sorry about the misunderstanding.
Leapin' Larry: Water under the bridge. Come on, I never did get a chance to show you around the store.
Jerry: Oh sure.
Jerry: Uh, again? (Limping towards the door) I'll be right there.
Dispatcher: Attention Company 390, structure fire at Leapin' Larry's Appliance Warehouse.
Kramer: Leapin' Larry's? Hey, that's uptown. You gotta take Amsterdam.
Captain: Stay out of this, Kramer.
Kramer: Are you ok, cowboy? Where do you need to go?
Kramer: Well, you'd better take it easy.
Fred: Sorry about the other night but my mother called, she couldn't find her pills. I had to go into Brooklyn to help her find her pills, and they were right there in the medicine cabinet. Could you believe that?
Elaine: Huh.
Fred: The worst part is getting from the subway station to the house. There's no transportation...
Elaine: (to herself) What am I doing? I'm on a date with this guy because he didn't remember me? He's demented, listen to him...
Fred: ...I could have taken a cab but if my mother saw me pull up in a cab, she'd start yelling at me, "Freddy! What are taking a cab for? It's so expensive!" She's out of her mind. Eventually, you'll meet her.
Peterman: Bosco. Bosco. Bosco.
(A Woman Rushes In And Shouts: There's a big fire down the street, the whole block is going up in flames! Peterman gets up and runs towards the door, he stops and looks back. George is still sitting on the couch, looking up and shaking his head.
Peterman: George!
Captain: Gonna make a left onto Broadway.
Captain: Who is this?
Kramer: It's Kramer!
Captain: Kramer?! What the hell are you doing back there?
Kramer: DeSoto's down, but Cosmo's got the caboose.
Woman: How did this start?
Jerry: Beats me.
Leapin' Larry: Where the hell's the fire department? I'm gonna lose the whole store!
Captain: Kramer, get the hell off of there. You're not trained to operate this equipment!
Man On The Street: Hey, Kramer!
Leapin' Larry: Try the scanner, see if you can pick up anything.
Captain: What are you doing, Kramer?! You're all over the road!
Kramer: Don't worry, Cap, I can handle it!
Jerry: Kramer?
Captain: You're losing control! Hard right! Hard right!
Jerry: Ah, that's a shame.
Peterman: The fire will eat up this entire block!
Peterman: Look, there's a man in there. Get out of there, you're in danger!
Man: But my sleeve, it's stuck in the machine, it ate my card!
Peterman: George, give me your ATM card!
George: I don't have my ATM card.
Peterman: George, you're obviously lying, anyone can see that!
Peterman: It's jammed! I'll slide it under the door,
Man: Now give me your code!
George: What?! Why?
Man: The machine won't open without the code!
Peterman: George, give him your code!
George: But I-I-I-
Peterman: George, there's no time! Tell him your code! Shout out your code, man!!
Man: The code!! The code!!
Susan: Hi. Here's your cash, George.
George: Hm. Thanks.
Susan: And here's your card back. Anyone for Bosco?
Jerry: Oh my god. Look at this.
George: Hm?
Jerry: It's the new J. Peterman catalog. Look.
George: The Rogue's Wallet. That's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding. his name was Costanza. He killed my mother.


George: Let me ask you a question. Who would win in a fight between you and me?
Jerry: Well, what do you mean?
George: Well if you and I ever got into, like a really serious fight you know, and the punches started flying - who do you think would win?
Jerry: Well I think that's pretty obvious.
George: Yeah. Me too.
Jerry: Hey Elaine.
Elaine: Hey.
Jerry: Who, who, who do you think would win in a fight between me and ah, gorgeous George here. (pointing up and down at George)
Elaine: You mean in a real Fight Fight?
Jerry: Mona a Baldo .
Elaine: George.
George: Ah-Ha! (he turns and walks over to the refrigerator)
Jerry: Why?
Elaine: George fights dirty. (she sips her coffee)
Jerry: Really? What would you do?
George: Pull hair, Poke eyes, Groin stuff. Whatever I gotta do. (he opens a blue bottled beverage)
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: So. Listen ... You're not doing anything tomorrow, are you? Because I have an extra ticket to the historical clothing exhibit at the Met.
Jerry: Im sorry.
Elaine: George?
George: Would I want to see what Mary Todd wore to Lincoln's funeral?
Elaine: There's nobody I can go with.
Elaine: You know what. I don't have one female friend left.
Kramer: Oh, no, of course you don't. You're a Man's Woman. You hate other women, and they hate you.
Elaine: Thank you.
Kramer: So Jerry, (smacks hands and rubs palms together) What time we going to the movies?
Jerry: Ah, how about 830?
Kramer: Saddle up and ride. (opens the fridge and pulls out some food - takes a big bite)
Jerry: You want to get something to eat first?
Kramer: (mumbling with full mouth) No, Im good.
George: I wonder if, ah, Susan ... (picks up the phone from the coffee table, then decides not to call) No. I better just go. (claps hands) heh. All right! See ya. (grabs his rain coat from the hook by the door and rushes out)
Kramer: There's nothing more pathetic, than a grown man, whos afraid of a woman . (voice get high-pitched for the last line)
Jerry: Hey, why don't cha ask Susan?
Elaine: George's Susan?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: Yeah. Why not Susan. I should be friends with Susan. (smacks her forehead with hand) Of course! Susan! Oh! OK, Ill see you guys. Huh. (rushes out the door.)
Kramer: That's gunna be trouble.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Jerry, don't you see? This world here, this is George's sanctuary. If Susan comes into contact with this world, his world's collide. You know what happens then?
Kramer: Ka shha shha shha Pkooo (exploding sound)
Kramer: Did I tell you Im getting a new telephone number?
Jerry: How come?
Kramer: Whew, chicks man. Too many chicks know my number.
Ramon: (recognizes Jerry) Hey Jerry. How are you Mr. Backstroke?
Jerry: Kramer this is Ramon, from the new health club I joined.
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Ramon: So you know what happened don't chu?
Jerry: No what?
Ramon: I got fired.
Jerry: Really?
Ramon: Yeah, said I put too much chlorine in the pool.
Jerry: Ahh.
Ramon: Hey well, ah, stay out of the deep end, eh.
Jerry: OK, see you later.
Kramer: What's in the deep end?
George: Hello?
Elaine: Hey George.
George: Hey Elainie. What's going on?
Elaine: (sitting up in bed) Nothing much, um. Can I talk to Susan
George: Ha, Yeah right, hang on, Ill ah, Ill get her for you. he, he, he, he. Seriously, what's up?
Elaine: No, George really. Can I talk to Susan?
George: Susan, why?
Elaine: Because I want to ask her to lunch and to the Met tomorrow.
George: Oh, I don't think you want to do that.
Elaine: Why not?
George: Well what would be the point of that?
Elaine: George, are you going to put her on the phone?
George: Where did this come from all of a sudden?
Elaine: George, are you going to let me talk to Susan, or Not?
George: I really think I should have been consulted about this.
George: Here ... something.
Susan: Hello? (with hesitant surprise) Oh, that sounds great. I love that sort of stuff.
Kramer: You want to sit here?
Jerry: Yeah. (Kramer sits in the seat next to Jerry) Uh, uh, oh, oh, Over there. (points to the next seat over)
Kramer: Why?
Jerry: Little buffer zone.
Kramer: (Quietly) Buffer zone (Kramer moves to the other seat)
Jerry: Thank you. If we were in my apartment and we were watching a movie on the couch, would we sit right next to each other?
Kramer: No. You got a point.
Jerry: All right.
Kramer: I can't ...
Jerry: What are you doing?
Kramer: Well these seats have no lumbar.
Jerry: Oh hey, there's Ramon. Pre, pretend we're talking.
Kramer: We are talking.
Jerry: Pretend it's interesting.
Kramer: So, ah then, I ah had to kill him and ah, well the police are still looking for me.
Jerry: That's shocking, but sounds ...
Ramon: Hey, hi Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, hey Ramon.
Ramon: Hey, hey, I took a bunch of napkins. You want some?
Jerry: Oh, no thanks. (turns back to Kramer)
Ramon: Hey, ahhh, is this seat taken?
Jerry: No.
Jerry: And then the worst part is, after the movie, he leached on to us ... We wound up having coffee with him for like two hours. Then he walks us home, all the way back to the front of the building. Finally I said, look Ramon, I gotta go to bed now.
George: By the way, have you spoken to Elaine yet today?
Jerry: No why?
George: (sighs) She called Susan last night.
Jerry: Oh yeah, I know.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: Well it was my idea.
George: Your idea?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Whad you do that for?
Jerry: She was looking for someone to go to the show with.
George: Well that was a really stupid thing! You know what's going to happen now?
Jerry: World's collide. (points at George)
George: Whe ... Well yeah!
Jerry: Because this world is your sanctuary and if that world comes into contact with -
George: YES! It Blows Up! If you knew that, what did you tell Elaine for?
Jerry: I didnt know. Kramer told me about the worlds.
George: You couldn't figure out the World's Theory for yourself? It's just common sense. Anybody knows, ya gotta keep your worlds apart. (gesturing with hands going outward)
Jerry: Yeah, I guess I slipped up.
Kramer: Hey.
George: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
George: He knows the worlds theory.
Kramer: What is it blowing up?
George: Ha! (grabs his coat and exits the apartment)
Kramer: Cosmo, go. No, no, na, na. (he pushes the end button and pushes the antenna down) Boy this new telephone number's driving me crazy - wrong numbers, every five minutes.
Jerry: What is it?
Kramer: Well it's 555-3455.
Jerry: 555-3455.
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: (picks up the phone on the coffee table) 555-3455. Well wait a second, don't you see that's 555-FILK.
Kramer: What's Filk?
Jerry: Filks nothing, but 555-FILM is Movie Phone.
Kramer: Oh Movie Phone.
Jerry: Yes, so people are just dialing it by mistake and getting you.
Kramer: So, Im Filk?
Jerry: You're Filk.
Kramer: Oh, Mama.
Elaine: Well what about that number Susan B. Anthony wore to the 19th Amendment party. Hnuh. Eye yye yye.
Susan: Oh whoo. Quite the DColletage for a suffragette.
Elaine: Ha, ha, ha, ha, well it must have been one hell of a party.
Susan: Whoo.
Elaine: Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Susan: Oh, I know what I wanted to tell you.
Elaine: What?
Susan: Ehahh, forget it.
Elaine: What? You can tell me. Ill put it in the vault.
Susan: The vault?
Elaine: Mm-Hmm.
Paul - Locker Room Attendant #1: Oy, Mr. Seinfeld. We heard you went to the movies with Ramon.
Jerry: Oh, well, I didnt actually go with Ramon. I just bumped into him there. (putting on coat)
Dustin - Locker Room Attendant #2: It's a good thing he has friends like you to cheer him up.
Paul: Tell him to call us.
Dustin: Tell him, Dustin says, Hello.
Jerry: All right, I gotta go.
Paul: To see Ramon?
Jerry: What else did you two do?
Elaine: Oh, I don't know, you know, girlie stuff.
Jerry: Ah, so, ah, flower shows and, shopping for pretty bows, and then back to her place, strip down to bra and panties for a tickle fight?
Elaine: That's really what you think girls do, isn't it?
Jerry: Yes, I do. (very serious)
Elaine: All rightee. (turns and walks to the bathroom)
Jerry: Hey you know George isn't to happy, ahh, about your new friendship.
Elaine: Yeah? Well I don't really give a Sh... (closing the bathroom door)
Kramer: Hey man, what's going on?
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Ooh, here we go. (pulls a cordless phone from his pocket) Yeah hello. Yeah, no, no, no, hold on.
Kramer: Yeah, Cupids Rifle - 830, Sony Lincoln Square. Yeah, no, no, no, no problem, yeah.
Jerry: You're looking up movies for people now?
Kramer: I got time.
Kramer: And this. (pulls out the cordless phone from his pocket) Cosmo here. Yeah, un-huh, no, no, no, no, Ill help. Yeah, Firestorms good. I saw it yesterday. Yeah well my buddy Jerry , ah, he's seen it twice. You want to talk to him? Here - (holds the phone out to Jerry)
Jerry: (shaking his head no) No Kramer I don't want to talk to him.
Kramer: Just, just tell him about the picture. What's the matter with you? Stop it. (puts the phone back to his ear) Yes, are you still there? Look Im sorry about that. All right there's an 830 and a 1015showing.
Jerry: Oh that's George. (presses the intercom button) Yeah?
Ramon: (Hey it's Ramon)
Jerry: What?
Ramon: (Hey, It's Ramon Jerry. Im coming up)
Jerry: (to Ramon) Oh. Okay. (to Elaine) Wh, what is he doing here?
Elaine: Who? Who is Ramon?
Jerry: He's the pool guy.
Elaine: What pool guy?
Jerry: Do me a favor. Just stick around while he's here.
Elaine: Yeah, no problem.
Elaine: You know, you have the slowest elevator in the entire city? That's hard to get used to when you're in so many other fast ones.
Jerry: Well, the apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.
Ramon: Hee hey, hey Jerry (claps hands and points both index fingers at him) How are you, crazy guy?
Jerry: Hey. So, ah, Ramon this is my friend Elaine.
Elaine: Yeah and I was just leaving. Bye-bye Jerry. (smiling as she closes the door. Jerry looks at her like he can not believe she left him on his own)
Jerry: So, ah, what are you doing around here Ramon?
Ramon: Well, I was in the neighborhood. I figured Id check you out.
Jerry: Ah, actually, I ka, kinda had some things to do.
Ramon: Oh, oh yeah. Wha? Where you going?
Jerry: Ah, just, you know, I don't know. Stuff, I gotta do. (grabs coat and throws it over his shoulder)
Ramon: Hey that's cool. Im up for some stuff
Jerry: All right.
Ramon: So get this. I get down there, and right away, I see the drain is clogged. I mean it's obvious. Can you believe it?
Jerry: All right Ramon, Im going to get going.
Jerry: I think we should separate here actually.
Ramon: What are you trying to say Jerry?
Jerry: Look Ramon, you're, you're a nice guy. But I, I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more.
Ramon: Oh I see. It's cause I clean pools, right?
Jerry: That has nothing to do with it.
Ramon: You su - (no audio) (through the moving subway window, Ramon is swearing and pointing at Jerry)
Susan: Yeah, we got along real well.
George: You know, uh, she has no female friends! You know that, don't cha? Something strange about a woman whos friends are all men.
Susan: Yeah, I know. We talked all about that.
George: You talked all about that?
Susan: Oh yeah. Elaine opened up her vault.
George: Did you just say vault?
Susan: Yeah, why? Did I use it wrong?
George: You got that from Elaine.
Susan: Yeah. So what?
George: Well it's a little strange. You going to start to talk like Elaine from now on?
Susan: I don't know. Anyway I thought we'd all go to a movie on Friday.
George: Wed all go to movie on Friday?
Susan: Yeah.
George: This is not good. World's are colliding! George is getting upset!
George: Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with - Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George.
Jerry: I, I love that George.
George: Me Too! And he's Dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, Cannot Stand!
George: You're Killing Independent George! You know that, don't you?
Elaine: George I don't even want to get -
George: You know what word Susan used last night? Hnuh. Vault! hu,
Elaine: So?
George: She got that from you!
Elaine: Well, I didnt tell here to say it.
George: Is she the only girl in the whole world? Why can't you get find your own girl?
Elaine: I Like Her!
George: You see (to Jerry). You see. You see what Im talking about. It's all just slipping away. And you're letting it happen. (exits - slamming the door)
Jerry: So you want to catch a movie later?
Elaine: Ahh, yeah, sure.
Jerry: I don't have a paper though.
Elaine: Hmm. (picks up the phone and dials)
Kramer: Hewwo and welcome to Movie phone. Brought to you by the New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday ... Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon - You've got to get me over that mountain! Now (bang, bang) AHHHHHHHHHH There is no place higher than ... Mountain High . Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
Elaine: Kramer, is that you?
Kramer: Elaine?
Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start?
Kramer: I don't know.
Ramon: Well, well. Look whos here.
Jerry: Ramon, what are you doing here? You could get in trouble.
Ramon: No, I don't think so Jerry. You see they gave me my job back.
Jerry: What?
Ramon: Im a pool boy ... again.
Jerry: Look Ramon, about the other day. Im sorry if I offended you. I get a little crabby on the subway.
Ramon: Do you?
Jerry: What happened to all the towels?
Ramon: Oh, ah, I guess they must have disappeared. (walks away)
Newman: Hey Jerry. Look at all the towels they gave me! I really hit the jackpot! (holding a large stack of towels, Newman pats his face with the top one) Ha, ha, ha.
Jerry: It's been a terrible situation down there the past couple of days. He's really been making things uncomfortable for me. There's always a big pile of dirty towels in front of my locker ...
Elaine: Uh-huh.
Jerry: And then when I come out of the pool, my towel's always gone.
Elaine: Uhh, so frustrating!
Jerry: Tell me about it.
Elaine: Uhh, so you want to join me and Susan for lunch at the coffee shop?
Jerry: You're meeting Susan for lunch at the coffee shop?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: Im meeting George for lunch at the coffee shop.
Elaine: Oh, huh. Well, this should be very interesting.
Susan: Hey! Elaine! Jerry. Over here!
Kramer: There they are.
Susan: Yeah, look who I ran into.
Kramer: Hey.
Elaine: Yeah. (sits down next to Susan)
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Ahh.
Kramer: Come on Jerry. Aren't you going to join us?
Jerry: Ah, you know. Im supposed to meet, eh, someone - Ill, Ill wait for them outside. (walks towards the door)
Kramer: Yeah, wait here. Come on, sit down. What's the matter with you?
Jerry: This is gonna to be ugly. (quietly)
Susan: What's that Jerry?
Jerry: (coughing) I said, boy am I ugly.
Susan: Oh, hey, hey, Georgie boy, over here.
George: One, two ... three, four.
George: Ha Ho! (he turns and walks out the door)
Susan: Hey George!
Jerry: We'll pull up another chair.
Jerry: I see you there Ramon.
Jerry: Hey, lll just keep swimming. Hey, hey. Im not done. I know what you're up to Ramon. Because Im a member here, this is my place to swim.
Jerry: Hey, you better cut it out Ramon. Just stop it.
Ramon: Oh.
Newman: Olly, olly, oxen, free!
Jerry: (NO!)
Jerry: I think he's gonna need, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Newman: Mouth-to-mouth?
Jerry: Yeah.
Newman: Huh.
Jerry: Well? Go ahead.
Newman: You go.
Jerry: You knocked him out.
Newman: Yeah, but you pulled him in.
Jerry: Come on Newman. Do it.
Newman: Nah.
Jerry: He might die.
Newman: Yeah. Maybe.
Elaine: (on the phone to) Look Jerry, we'll meet you at the theater. (hangs up the phone) OK, next showings at 900, we can't wait any longer.
Susan: Elaine, where could he be? It's not like George to just disappear.
Elaine: Look, let's just leave him a note, okay?
Susan: Oh, I don't know.
Elaine: Oh, come on, come on, come on. (picks up pad of paper and writes) George, Elaine and I went to see Chunnel ... with Jerry. Love?
Susan: Yeah.
Elaine: Love ... Susan.
Jerry: So eventually these people came and, somebody, gave him mouth-to-mouth.
Elaine: He could have died
Jerry: Yeah, it was a gamble.
Susan: Why didnt you give him mouth-to-mouth?
Jerry: Ah. (makes face)
Elaine: How can you possibly show your face there again?
Jerry: Oh I can't. They revoked my membership. Newman too. You know, we can't go anywhere near there.
Elaine: Hi, ah, three for Chunnel - two adults ... one child. (looking towards Jerry)
George: What the hell is this? George, Elaine and I went to see Chunnel ... with Jerry. With Jerry, huh? With Jerry! Great. Great! (dials phone) Probably went to the 84th St. That's where I always go with Jerry.
Kramer: Hewwo and welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press one.
George: Come on. Come on.
Kramer: Using your touch-tone keypad, please enter the first three letters of the movie title, now.
Kramer: You've selected ... Agent Zero? If that's correct, press one.
George: What?
Kramer: Ah, you've selected ... Brown-Eyed Girl? If this is correct, press one.
Kramer: Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've selected.
George: Chunnel ?
Kramer: To find the theater nearest you, please enter your five digit zip-code, now.
Kramer: Why don't you just tell me where you want to see the movie?
George: Lowes Paragon, 84th and Broadway.
Kramer: (picks up paper) Chunnel , is playing at the Paragon 84th Street cinema in the main theater at 930 PM.
George: Yeah, now I gotcha! (hangs up the phone and rushes out the door)
Kramer: It's also playing in theater number two at 900.
George: Jerry ... Where are you? I know you like to sit back here. Elaine! Susan!
Movie Patron: SHH!
(From The Movie We Hear This Dialogue: The English Channel Tunnel, Chunnel, runs 32.3 miles, with two openings. One here, in England and another one here, in France. That's all we got. Thank you for your time gentlemen. Can I ask you a question Mr. McKittrick. - it's a bit hard to hear the movie dialogue, as we are supposed to be focused on George, but I was able to make out most of it)
Jerry: I can't figure out what's going on here. I can't follow the plot. Why did they kill that guy? I thought he was with them?
Susan: No, no. That's not the guy. That's a different guy.
Jerry: What is he doing in the Chunnel?
Susan: Would you two, Please?
(Again, From The Movie We Hear This Dialogue: Let me tell you something about the Chunnel, Mr. Thane. That our only freeway is adept. (inaudible) Elaine Brookstone will get the money bag (inaudible) Not as long as I have these long stickers. Find him and Kill him! I don't care if we have to turn this Chunnel upside down! Find Him! Everybody out of the Chunnel! Everybody out! The Chunnels gonna blow! AHHHHHH (Explosion)
George: Susan! Jerry! Where are you? I know you're there! Answer me!
Movie Patron: (Hey, sit down!)
George: Hey. Hey. Answer me! Come on, show yourselves!
Movie Patron: (Hey, we're trying to watch a movie here!)
George: Drink your soda! Come on! I know you're there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing! I had to go to Reggies, Jerry! Reggies!
Movie Patron: (Move it off of there!)
George: Where are you!
2Nd Movie Patron: (Hey are you sure you got the right theater?)
George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chunnel . Susan!
2Nd Movie Patron: (It's playing in two theaters.)
George: Two theaters?
2Nd Movie Patron: (Yeah, there's a 900 too.)
George: Oh. Sorry.
(Once Again, From The Movie We Hear This Dialogue: There's something else, your ex-wife. Alexandra? She's in France, Im telling ya. No, she's in the Chunnel. The Chunnel? No! Mr. President, Im sorry to disturb you. What is it? There's something about the Chunnel. Oh? (inaudible) And that means your daughter is in the Chunnel. Somewhere between France and ... (inaudible)
Elaine: I thought that was pretty good, huh?
Jerry: Whad you think Susan?
Susan: Oh, I don't know. I couldn't hear anything. You, you talked the whole movie.
Elaine: Oh, well come on. You want to go grab a bite to eat?
Jerry: Yeah.
Susan: Ah, no. I don't think so.
Elaine: Why not?
Susan: Well you know, all you guys ever do is sit around the coffee shop talking, sit around Jerry's apartment talking. Frankly, I don't know how you can stand it. Ill see you.
George: I know they're in there, the three of them, laughing at me. Together, laughing and lying.
Usher: Let's go pal.
George: They're - They're killing independent George! And they're, they're all in on it! World's are colliding!
[Outside KramerS Apartment Door: 5B A partial view of a man's face and his hand knocks 3 times on the door.]
Movie Phone Guy: Hello, and welcome to your worst nightmare.
Movie Phone Guy: (cont) I know your in there, Cosmo Kramer, Apartment 5B. You're in big trouble, Now. You've been sealing my business. If you'd like to do this the easy way, open the door, Now. Or, please select the number of seconds, you'd like to wait, before I break this door down. Please select Now.