Kramer: Hey, boys and girls. I need you both to sponsor me in the AIDS walk.
Elaine: Is that tomorrow?
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, so...git-git...(gestures to Elaine to sign the form.)
Elaine (Signing): Well, I admire you for joining the fight against AIDS.
Kramer: Well, if I didn't do something I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Jerry (Signing): It's hard enough living next door.
Kramer: I tell ya, there's some people, they just wear a ribbon and they think they're doin' something? Not me. I talk the talk, and I walk the walk, baby. (gets up) I'll be right back.
Elaine: New jeans?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: Still a 31 waist?
Jerry: Yep. Since college. (Looks at Kramer's AIDS walk list.) Hey, Lena Small's on this list.
Elaine: Lena Small?
Jerry: Yeah, that girl I was gonna call for a date, she was unlisted...and now here's her number.
Elaine: Oh, you're not gonna cop a girl's phone number off an AIDS charity list!
Jerry (Copying Down The Number): Elaine, you should admire me...I'm aspiring to date a giving person.
Elaine: You're a taking person.
Jerry: That's why I should date a giving person. If I date a taking person, everyone's taking, taking, taking, no one's giving - it's bedlam.
Elaine (Warns): She's gonna ask how you got her number.
Jerry: Oh, I'll tell her I met some guy who knew her and he gave it to me.
Elaine: What's he look like?
Jerry: I really didn't pay much attention, I'd just come from buying a speedboat.
Elaine: You're buying a speedboat?
Jerry: See, we're already off the subject of how I got her number. (Elaine laughs.) All I gotta do is get past the first phone call and I'm home free.
Elaine: I don't know about that.
Jerry: So if Billy had gotten your number off the AIDS walk list, you wouldn't have gone out with him?
Elaine: Well...
Jerry: Yeah. So you really like this guy.
Elaine: Very much.
Jerry: How's the...sexual chemistry?
Elaine: Haven't been in the lab yet. But I am birth control shopping today. (Kramer overhears as he returns to the booth.)
Kramer: Are you still on the pill?
Elaine: Uh, Kramer...
Kramer: I'll tell ya, I think birth control should be discussed in an open forum.
Elaine: The sponge, o.k.? The Today sponge.
Kramer: But wasn't that taken off the market?
Elaine: Off the market? The sponge? No, no...no way. Everybody loves the sponge.
Kramer: I read it in Wall Street Week ...Louis, uh, Rukeyser.
Jerry: Hello, Lena? Hi, it's Jerry Seinfeld. How did I get your number? I met a guy that knows you, he gave it to me...I don't remember his name. Think it began with a W, maybe a Q. I wasn't paying that much attention, I'd just come from shopping for a speedboat...
Susan: You know, I really like those new jeans Jerry was wearing. He's really thin.
George: Not as thin as you think.
Susan: Why? He's a 31. I saw the tag on the back.
George: The tag, huh?
Susan: Mmm-hmm.
George: Let me tell you something about that tag. It's no 31, and uh...let's just leave it at that.
Susan: What are you talking about?
George: He scratches off a 32 and he puts in 31.
Susan: Oh, how could he be so vain?
George: Well, this is the Jerry Seinfeld that only I know. I can't believe I just told you that.
Susan (Laughing): Why not?
George: Well, Jerry doesn't want anyone to know.
Susan: Well, it's alright, I'm your fiance. Everyone assumes you'll tell me everything.
George: Where did you get that from?
Susan: Well, we're a couple. It's understood.
George: I never heard of that.
Susan: Well, you've never been a couple.
George: I've coupled! I've coupled!
Susan: Keeping secrets! This is just like your secret bank code.
George: This is totally different! That was my secret, this is Jerry's secret! There's...there's attorney-client priveleges here! If I play it by your rule, no one'll ever confide in me again, I'll be cut out of the loop!
George: Hey.
Jerry: Hey. What's the matter?
George: I had a fight with Susan.
Jerry: What about?
George: Oh...(is about to tell Jerry, but reconsiders) ...clothing, something, I dunno. So, uh, what are you doing today?
Jerry: I got a date with that girl, Lena.
George: Lena, how'd you meet her?
Jerry: I actually met her a few weeks ago, but... (Jerry stops, and mentally visualizes George telling Susan about how Jerry got Lena's number from the AIDS list...then Susan passing the information along to Monica on the phone at work.)
George: You met her a few weeks ago, but...?
Jerry (Slowly): I didn't call her till today.
George: So, uh...wanna double?
Jerry: What?
George: Well, I just had a fight - I need a group dynamic.
Jerry: I dunno. (Elaine enters.) Hey.
Elaine: Well, Kramer was right. My friend Kim told me the sponge is off the market.
Jerry: So what are you gonna do?
Elaine: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna do a hard-target search. Of every drug store, general store, health store and grocery store in a 25-block radius.
George: Just for these sponges?
Elaine: Hey man, women are really loyal to their birth control methods. What does Susan use?
George: I dunno.
Elaine: You don't know?
George: I, uh...figure it's something. (Kramer enters.)
Jerry: What are you all out of breath from?
Kramer (Panting): The elevator just broke. I had to walk up five flights.
Jerry: And you got the AIDS walk tomorrow. You're never gonna make it, you're in horrible shape.
Kramer: Hey, I'm in tip-top shape. Better than you!
Jerry: I got a 31 waist, mister!
Kramer: Yeah, well I'm walking for charity, what are you doing?
Jerry (Proudly): What am I doing? I'm...dating a woman who happens to be sponsoring one of these walkers.
Pharmacist: Can I help you?
Elaine (With Little Hope): Yeah, do you have any Today sponges? I know they're off the market, but...
Pharmacist: Actually, we have a case left.
Elaine (Excited): A case! A case of sponges? I mean, uh...a case. Huh. Uh...how many come in a case?
Pharmacist: Sixty.
Elaine: Sixty?! Uh...well, I'll take three.
Pharmacist: Three.
Elaine: Make it ten.
Pharmacist: Ten?
Elaine: Twenty sponges should be plenty.
Pharmacist: Did you say twenty?
Elaine: Yeah, twenty-five sponges is just fine.
Pharmacist: Right. So, you're set with twenty-five.
Elaine: Yeah. Just give me the whole case and I'll be on my way.
Jerry: Hey, I have found the best-smelling detergent. Lena, smell my shirt.
Lena (Smells Jerry'S Arm): Mmm! Very nice.
Jerry: It's All-Tempa-Cheer.
Lena: I use Planet. It's bio-degradable and doesn't pollute the oceans.
George: Yeah, the oceans really are getting very sudsy.
Lena (To Waiter): Can you wrap up all the left-overs on the table, please? I always take the left-overs. I work in a soup kitchen every morning at 6 a.m.
Jerry: They serve soup at 6 a.m.?
Lena: Yeah. That's all they have.
Jerry: Do the bums ever complain? "Soup again?"
George: I'd get tired of it.
Jerry: How could you not?
Lena: Guess who volunteered last week?
George: Mick Jagger.
Lena: No. Maya Angelou.
Susan: Oh, the poet!
Jerry (To Lena): So, let me ask you something - these people eat soup three times a day?
Lena: I don't know.
Susan (To Lena): So, did you get to talk to her?
Lena: Talk to who?
Jerry: Is it a lot of cream soups?
Susan: Maya Angelou, the poet.
Lena: No, I didn't get the chance.
George: Oh, well, I'm sure you can reach her...she's a poet. What does a poet need an unlisted number for?
Susan: I'm going to the ladies room.
Lena: I'll go with you. (They leave.)
George: What are you looking at me like that for?
Jerry: Why'd you have to mention 'unlisted number'?
George: What are you talking about?
Jerry: Alright, I gotta tell you something, but you cannot tell Susan.
Susan: Jerry got her phone number off of an AIDS walk list? Oh, that's awful!
George: I know, but don't say anything to anyone. He told me not to tell you.
Susan: But you told me anyway?
George: Well, you know, I was thinking about what you said before, and...you're right, I've never really been a couple, so...if that's the rule, then I'm gonna go by the rule.
Susan: Thank you, honey.
George: So, you wanna go home and...make up, officially?
Susan: Can we stop by a drug store first?
George: What for?
Susan: I'm out of birth control stuff.
George: Oh, o.k., yeah. Where am I gonna park here...? (Pulls over.)
Susan: Oh, don't park. I'll just sit in the car, you can run in.
George: Me run in? Why don't you run in?
Susan: You don't know what I use for birth control, do you?
George: Of course I do.
Susan: You do? What?
George: You know. You use the, uh...(mutters something unintelligible under his breath.)
Susan: The what?
George: You know, the uh...(mutters it again.)
Susan: Just get me some sponges, please.
George: Wait, wait a minute...they don't have them anymore. I just found out, they just took them off the market.
Susan: Off the market? The sponge?
George: Yeah, so you gotta use something else.
Susan: I can't! I love the sponge! I need the sponge!
George: O.k...(thinks) I think I know where we can get one.
Jerry: Kramer, what the hell is going on in there?
Kramer: It's a poker game...(yells to the crowd) And I'm kickin' some serious butt!
Jerry: Are you out of your mind? You got the AIDS walk tomorrow!
Voice From Poker Game: Hey, Kramer - are you in?
Kramer: Oh, you gotta be kiddin'! You see those two ladies I got showin'? Do they look scared?!
Jerry: You're never gonna make it!
Billy: You, uh...you wanna go in the bedroom?
Elaine: O.k. Hold on just a second. (Gets up and heads to the bathroom. George knocks at the door.)
George: Elaine? It's me, George. (Elaine opens the door.) Hey, sorry to bother you so late. (To Billy) Hey! How ya doin.' (To Elaine) Uh, did you get any of those sponges?
Elaine: Yeah. Cleaned out the whole west side. Why?
George: Well...Susan.
Elaine: Ah, Susan uses the sponge.
George: Susan loves the sponge.
Elaine: Yeah, I'm sorry, George. I can't help you out.
George: What?
Elaine: I can't do it. No way, there's no how. (Tries to push George out the door. George resists.)
George: Elaine...let me just explain something to you. See, this is not just a weekend routine...I'm on the verge of make-up sex here. You know about make-up sex?
Elaine: Oh yeah, I know all about make-up sex, and I'm really sorry. (Shoves George into the hallway and closes the door. George blocks the door with his foot.)
George: Elaine, can I just explain something to you very privately here? Susan and I have been together many, many times now, and just between you and me, there's really no big surprises here, so...make-up sex is all that I have left.
Elaine: I'm sure you'll have another fight, George. (Stamps on George's foot and closes the door.) (To Billy) Hold that thought!
Susan: So, listen to this. But don't tell anyone - Jerry Seinfeld? He got a woman's number off an AIDS walk list.
Monica: He got her number off an AIDS walk list?
Lena: He what?
Jerry: How'd you find out?
Lena: A friend of a friend of a friend of Susan's.
Jerry: George!
Lena: Pardon?
Jerry: Nothing. Listen, I'm sorry, I just -
Lena: It's o.k.! There's nothing to be sorry about. I don't mind.
Jerry: You don't mind that I got your number off the AIDS walk list?
Lena: No, not at all. No problem. (Jerry looks at Lena suspiciously. Lena leaves with all of Kramer's poker buddies, who are filing out of Kramer's apartment.)
Kramer: Ah, you're lucky you're walkin' out of here with a pair of pants on!
Jerry: You went all night?
Kramer (Shows Jerry His Winnings): Jerry, ah? Breakfast on me, huh?
Jerry: Kramer, are you out of your mind? You got the AIDS walk in like, three hours! You're never gonna make it!
Kramer: AIDS walk! That's a cake walk. (George enters.) Hey!
Jerry: So, George, guess what? Lena found out how I got her number.
George: Really? How'd she do that?
Jerry: A friend of a friend of Susan's.
George: My Susan?
Jerry: Why'd you tell her?!
George: Because, Jerry, it's a couple rule! We have to tell each other everything!
Jerry: Well you know what this means, don't you?
George: What?
(Img Src=Http: //tinyurl.com/2b9c width=200 )
Jerry: You're cut off, you're out of the loop!
George: You're cutting me off? No, no, no Jerry, don't cut me off!
Jerry: You leave me no choice! You're the media now as far as I'm concerned!
George: C'mon Jerry, please! It won't happen again.
Jerry: If you were in the mafia, would you tell her every time you killed someone?
George: Hey, a "hit" is a totally different story.
Jerry: I don't know, George.
George: So, Lena was upset, huh?
Jerry: You know what? That was the amazing thing.
George: What, it didn't bother her?
Jerry: No, she said it was fine. There's something very strange about this girl.
George: What?
Jerry: She's too good.
George: Too good...
Jerry: I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others - I can't be with someone like that!
George: I see what you mean.
Jerry: I mean, I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
George: Where's the depravity?
Jerry: No depravity! I mean, I look at her, I can't imagine she even has sex.
Jerry (Using Elaine As An Example): On the other hand...
Elaine: What?
George (To Elaine): Thanks again for last night!
Elaine: Hey, I didn't even use one.
Jerry: I thought you said it was imminent.
Elaine: Yeah, it was, but then I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy.
Jerry: Sponge-worthy?
Elaine: Yeah, Jerry, I have to conserve these sponges.
Jerry: But you like this guy, isn't that what the sponges are for?
Elaine: Yes, yes - before they went off the market. I mean, now I've got to re-evaluate my whole screening process. I can't afford to waste any of 'em.
George: You know, you're nuts with these sponges. George is gettin' frustrated!
Kramer (To Organizer At Desk): Uh, Cosmo Kramer?
Organizer: Uh...o.k., you're checked in. Here's your AIDS ribbon.
Kramer: Uh, no thanks.
Organizer: You don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon?
Kramer: No.
Organizer: But you have to wear an AIDS ribbon.
Kramer: I have to?
Organizer: Yes.
Kramer: See, that's why I don't want to.
Organizer: But everyone wears the ribbon. You must wear the ribbon!
Kramer: You know what you are? You're a ribbon bully. (Walks away.)
Organizer: Hey you! Come back here! Come back here and put this on!
George: Elaine and her sponges...she's got like, a war chest full of them.
Susan: Well, I don't see why you just can't use condoms.
George: Oh, no, no...condoms are for single men. The day that we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever.
Susan: Just once...for the make-up sex.
George: Make-up sex? You have to have that right after the fight, we're way past that.
Susan: Come on, just once?
George: No, no...I hate the condom.
Susan: Why?
George: I can never get the package open in time.
Susan: Well, you just tear it open.
George: It's not that easy. It's like "Beat The Clock," there's a lot of pressure there.
Walker #1: Hey, where's your ribbon?
Kramer: Oh, I don't wear the ribbon.
Walker #2: Oh, you don't wear the ribbon? Aren't you against AIDS?
Kramer: Yeah, I'm against AIDS. I mean, I'm walking, aren't I? I just don't wear the ribbon.
Walker #3: Who do you think you are?
Walker #1: Put the ribbon on!
Walker #2: Hey, Cedric! Bob! This guy won't wear a ribbon! (Cedric and Bob turn around and glare at Kramer.)
Bob: Who? Who does not want to wear the ribbon? (Kramer is frightened.)
Elaine: So, you think you're sponge-worthy?
Billy: Yes, I think I'm sponge-worthy. I think I'm very sponge-worthy.
Elaine: Run down your case for me again...?
Billy: Well, we've gone out several times, we obviously have a good rapport. I own a very profitable electronics distributing firm. I eat well. I exercise. Blood tests - immaculate. And if I can speak frankly, I'm actually quite good at it.
Elaine: You going to do something about your sideburns?
Billy: Yeah, I told you...I'm going to trim my sideburns.
Elaine: And the bathroom in your apartment?
Billy: Cleaned it this morning.
Elaine: The sink, the tub, everything got cleaned?
Billy: Everything, yeah. It's spotless.
Elaine: Alright, let's go. (They head for the bedroom.)
Jerry: Hi.
Lena: Hi! Hey, look at this - I just got a citation in the mail for my work with shut-ins.
Jerry: Oh, the shut-ins, that's nice. You know, they're a very eccentric group. Because they're shut in. Of course, they're not locked in, they're free to go at anytime.
Lena: Oh, by the way, I checked at the soup kitchen - they do have cream soups.
Jerry: Hey, that's dynamite. You know, Lena, I wanted to talk to you about something...you know, because you're such a good person -
Lena: Oh, hang onto that thought - I'm rinsing a sweater, I left the water running. (Goes into the bathroom.) Hey, Jerry, can you get me a towel out of my bedroom closet?
Jerry: Oh, o.k. (Goes to the closet for the towel and finds dozens of boxes of Today sponges.)
Jerry'S Brain: Oh my god! Look what's goin' on here! She is depraved! (Grabs a towel and brings it to Lena.) There you are.
Lena: Thanks. So, you were saying...?
Jerry: What? Nothing.
Lena: No, you said I was a good person...
Jerry: Oh...
Lena: You seem like you want to tell me something.
Jerry: Tell you something...I do.
Lena: What is it, Jerry? You can tell me anything.
Jerry: Oh, uh...you see these jeans I'm wearing?
Lena: Yeah.
Jerry: I change the 32 waist on the label to a 31 on all my jeans. So, you know. That's it. (Lena is puzzled.)
Susan: Come on, George, just tear it open.
George: I'm trying, dammit.
Susan: Tear it.
George: I tried to tear it from the side, you can't get a good grip here. You gotta do it like a bag of chips.
Susan: Here give it to me.
George: Would you wait a second? Just wait? (They fight over it.)
Susan: Give it to me. (She rips it open.) Come on. Come on!
George (Tosses The Condom Aside): It's too late.
Bob: So! What's it going to be? Are you going to wear the ribbon?
Kramer (Nervously): No! Never.
Bob: But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon!?
Kramer: This is America! I don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear!
Cedric: What are we gonna do with him?
Bob: I guess we are just going to have to teach him to wear the ribbon!
Jerry: It completely turned her off.
George: Well, I can see that. What do you have to do that for? Who cares about your pants size?
Jerry: I don't wanna be a 32.
George: I'd kill to be a 32.
Jerry: She said I wasn't sponge-worthy. Wouldn't waste a sponge on me!
George: That condom killed me. Why do they have to make the wrappers on those things so hard to open?
Jerry: It's probably so the woman has one last chance to change her mind.
George: You never run out, do you? (Jerry smiles.) Where's Kramer? Everything's finished here.
Jerry: Oh, I told him he'd never make it. He was up all night! Oh my god...Kramer?
Jerry: Look at you. I told you. Up all night playing poker. Come on. (Jerry and George are about to leave. George turn's back and looks at Kramer.)
George: Hey, where's you AIDS ribbon?
Elaine (Smiling): Good morning.
Billy: How'd you sleep?
Elaine (Stretches): Great. You?
Billy: Fine, fine. Everything o.k.?
Elaine: Yep.
Billy: No regrets?
Elaine: Nope. (Billy leans in to kiss her.) What are you doing?
Billy: What do you mean?
Elaine: Oh...I don't think so.
Billy: Why not? I thought you said everything was fine.
Elaine: I wish I could help you, but I can't afford two of 'em. (Pats Billy on the shoulder and gets out of bed.)


George: You think she's happy?
Jerry: Who?
George: (indicates with his head) The cashier.
Jerry: Ruthie Cohen?
George: (surprised) You know her name?
Jerry: Sure.
George: I don't think I've ever spoken to her.
Jerry: Maybe that's why she's happy.
Kramer: (handing Jerry & George a flyer) Good morning, gentlemen.
Jerry: What is this?
Kramer: (removing his coat) Yeah, well, it's the latest offering from the Alex Theatre.
Jerry: That stinky old movie-house?
Kramer: (sits beside Jerry) Well, you should smell it now. We fixed up the place.
George: (gesturing with flyer) With Spartacus?
Kramer: (lighting his pipe) Well, it's a rare archival print. (jumps as his burns his fingers) Twelve extra minutes, full wide-screen CinemaScope, and if you come to the one o'clock show, you can hear Geoffrey Har-harwood.
Jerry: Geoffrey who?
Kramer: Har-harwood, Jerry. He was the assistant wardrobe man on Spartacus. Some fascinating insights into the production.
George: Why would I spend seven dollars to see a movie that I could watch on TV?
Kramer: Well, why go to a fine restaurant, when you can just stick something in the microwave? Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill? (looks around Monk's) Listen, you guys haven't seen Lloyd Braun, have you? I'm supposed to meet him here.
George: Lloyd Braun? What d'you have to meet him for?
Kramer: Well, he's using his connections in the Mayor's office, to uh, get the theatre landmark status.
Jerry: I thought he screwed up the Dinkins campaign.
Kramer: Well, he did. You know, after that, he had a nervous breakdown? Had to spend a few months in an institution.
George: Really?
Kramer: Yeah, but he's doing a lot better now. I've taken him under my wing.
Jerry: Oh, then I'm not worried.
Kramer: But he still needs all of our support. Now, when he gets here treat him like he's one of the gang, huh.
George: (thoughtful) Breakdown, huh?
Lloyd: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Oh, hey Lloyd, hey buddy. (gets up and shakes Lloyd's hand)
Lloyd: How you doing?
Kramer: (slaps Lloyd on the shoulder) Sit down. (sits himself)
Lloyd: Hi Jerry.
Jerry: Lloyd.
Lloyd: George.
George: Hello, Lloyd. How you doing?
Kramer: Yeah well, he's doing fine, George.
Lloyd: (offering packet) Gum?
Jerry: (peering) That's an interesting package.
Lloyd: Yeah, it's from China. Go ahead, try a piece. Tell me that's not the most delicious gum you've ever tasted.
Kramer: Yes, yes. We shall all try a piece and tell you how delicious it is. (he takes pieces for himself and Jerry)
Lloyd: George?
George: I don't chew gum.
Jerry: (chewing) Mmm, different. Where'd you get it?
Lloyd: Friend of mine in Chinatown gave it to me. If you want I can ask him where he got it.
Jerry: Nah, don't bother.
Lloyd: No, it's no problem.
Jerry: I don't want it.
Kramer: Jerry, Jerry. Lloyd says it's no problem. He's capable of locating the gum.
Jerry: Alright.
Kramer: Mmm, delicious. This is delicious. Mmm.
George: You know what? I think this Ruthie Cohen gave me the wrong change. Didn't I pay with a twenty? I'm sure I paid with a twenty.
Elaine: Hey.
George: Hey.
Jerry: I think I finally figured out what the flavor is in this gum. It's a little lo-mein-y. (he spits it into the waste bin)
Elaine: What kind is that?
Jerry: It's Chinese gum, Lloyd Braun gave me.
Elaine: Lloyd Braun? How's he doing?
George: (almost gleeful) After Dinkins lost the election, he had a complete nervous breakdown. They had to lock him up.
Elaine: You know, that's around the same time I broke up with Lloyd. Y... you don't think that I had anything to do with his breakdown, do you?
Jerry: You know, I remember when we parted company, I was babbling incoherently for months.
Elaine: Yeah? Well, I got news for you.
George: The whole time that I was growing up, all I ever heard from my mother was 'Why can't you be more like that Lloyd Braun?'
Jerry: And in the end Lloyd Braun became more like you.
George: Right, gotta get going.
Jerry: Aren't you coming with us to Spartacus?
George: Nah, I gotta deliver some Christmas presents to my parents.
Jerry: I thought your parents were outta town?
George: Why d'you think I'm going now?
[Street: Queens]
Pop: Georgie!
George: Hey, Mr Lazzari.
Pop: Back in the old neighborhood, ah?
George: Yeah, yeah. Just delivering some presents to my folks.
Pop: Oh, snazzy car. Le Baron?
George: Yeah, eighty-three. Used to belong to John Voight.
Pop: The actor, right?
George: Something like that.
Pop: Mind if I look under the hood?
George: Oh, no no no no. Go ahead, Pop, you always knew your cars.
Pop: Oh, Deena! Deena, Deena, l... look who's here.
Deena: George Costanza, is that you?
George: Hey Deena, come on, give us a hug. (they hug) Oh my gosh, you look as pretty as you did back in high school.
Deena: Boy, those were some crazy times.
George: Yeah, yeah. Speaking of crazy, did you hear about Lloyd Braun?
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Kramer: The Alex was built in nineteen twenty-two, during the golden era of movie palaces. Minor restorations in nineteen forty-one, forty-seven, fifty-two, fifty-eight, sixty-three, and currently to our present period of time.
Elaine: Boy, you're really getting into this aren't you?
Kramer: Yes, yes I am. The icing on the cake would be getting that landmark status from the City. We're hoping Lloyd Braun can pull a few strings.
Jerry: Oh, can Lloyd really do that?
Kramer: Lloyd Braun can do anything he puts his mind to. He's fine, Jerry. (to Elaine) And you should say hello to him, Elaine.
Elaine: (concerned) What? Lloyd is here?
Elaine: What? No, no, I'd rather...
Lloyd: Hi Elaine.
Elaine: (big fake smile) Lloyd, yes. Hello.
Lloyd: Kramer tell you? We reserved some special seats, so we can all sit together.
Elaine: (reluctant) Oh, well... I, uh, actually Lloyd, Jerry and I have to sit in the front row, uhm, (desperately inventing) because uh, because, because he, he forgot his glasses. So uh, thanks for getting us... uhm, we'll see you afterwards.
Lloyd: That was odd. Am I crazy, or does Jerry not wear glasses?
Kramer: (emphatic) You're not crazy. Jerry does wear glasses. He just forgot 'em, that's all. (puts an arm round Lloyd's shoulder) Not crazy.
[Alex Theatre: Auditorium]
Jerry: We're all the way in the front row. Why couldn't we sit in the special seats?
Elaine: I'm sorry, but I didn't want Lloyd thinking I was leading him on again. Seeing him made me feel very uncomfortable.
Jerry: Nah, you don't wanna be uncomfortable.
[Street: Queens]
Deena: Poor Lloyd.
George: I know. Completely bonkers!
Deena: Sorry I can't be so flip about this kind of thing. You know, after what happened to Pop.
George: Pop? What happened to Pop?
Deena: I thought you heard. He had a nervous breakdown last year. That's why I'm taking care of him.
Pop: Oh, I tell you, they don't build 'em like this any more.
George: (a little worried) He uh, he doesn't have the auto shop any more?
Deena: Uhn, it was too much for him.
George: (very worried) Uhm, I, I gotta go.
Deena: What?
George: I just remembered, I gotta be someplace. Yuh-hu-hur, that's enough. Pop. Pop, put down the wrench, Pop.
[Alex Theatre: Auditorium]
George: Pop! POP!!
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Lloyd: 's a great movie, huh?
Kramer: Yeah.
Lloyd: Sorry you forgot those glasses.
Jerry: I don't know what I was thinking.
Lloyd: How'd you like that gum?
Jerry: (noncommittal) Errh.
Kramer: (slapping Jerry on the back) Ah, he loved it.
Elaine: Hey Kramer, you know what? There, there isn't a light there, in the ladies' room.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah. It's being repaired.
Elaine: Oh. Oh God.
Lloyd: You alright?
Elaine: Ah, I sat too close to the screen. Oh. I just gotta stretch out in a hot bath. It was nice to see you again, Lloyd.
Elaine: Officer. Officer, is there some reason this man has to always be using a hose? I mean, he's flooding the sidewalk. It's a waste of water. Couldn't he just use a broom?
Cop: Lady, you sold me. (strides toward florist) Hey, you with the hose.
Kramer: Yeah, put these glasses on.
Jerry: (taking them) Well, what's this for?
Kramer: Yeah, well Lloyd, he's gonna be here any minute now.
Jerry: So what?
Kramer: Well, he thinks you wear those.
Kramer: They're from the lost and found at the Alex.
Jerry: Aw, c'mon Kramer, this is ridiculous. I'm not gonna put these on.
Kramer: Oh. Okay. So he'll just think that the two of you didn't sit with him on purpose. Ooh yeah, that's very nice. Very nice.
George: 'scuse me. I uh, I was in here this morning and uh, I believe I paid you with a twenty dollar bill, (smiles) but you only gave me change for a ten.
Cashier: I don't think so.
George: Oh, I think so, and I can prove it. You see, I was doodling on the bill and uh, so if you have a twenty in there with big lips on it... well, (smiles) that's mine. Would you mind opening up the register?
Cashier: Not unless you buy something.
George: Fine, I'll buy a pack of gum.
Lloyd: Hey George. Thought you didn't chew gum?
George: I don't.
Cashier: Take a look.
George: I know I gave it to you.
Lloyd: George, would you mind. I'm kind of in a hurry.
George: (frustrated) Fine. Fine. (to customer) Excuse me. (heading for the door) Think I'm gonna forget about this? I haven't forgotten about this. I don't forget that easily!
Kramer: Hey, Jerry, look who's here.
Jerry: Ah, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi Jerry. Got some more of that gum.
Jerry: (unenthusiastic) Oh, the gum.
Kramer: Yeah, let's all enjoy a chew, huh?
Jerry: (still not happy) Uh, alright. (he takes a piece)
Kramer: Oh, boy.
Kramer: Now see, this is what the holidays are all about. Three buddies, sitting around, chewing gum, huh? Mmm, mmm, yeah. So uh, you know, Lloyd, he thinks he can get more of this.
Jerry: Well, Lloyd's a very industrious fellow. I'm sure he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to.
Lloyd: Actually, the importer's right in Chinatown. I'll introduce you to him, you can get it whenever you want.
Jerry: 's not necessary.
Kramer: Hey, Jerry, you know, Lloyd wants to do you a favour.
Jerry: I know that, Kramer.
Lloyd: Well, if you don't want to...
Kramer: No, sure sure, he wants to. It's very kind of you. Yeah, Jerry, he appreciates it. Don't you, Jerry?
Jerry: Yes I do, Kramer.
Lloyd: So...
Kramer: Yeah?
Lloyd: How about that Elaine today, huh?
Kramer: Oh, baby, what was that all about, huh?
Lloyd: (to Jerry) She was practically undressing in front of me at the theatre.
Jerry: I didn't see anything.
Kramer: Yeah, you uh, really missed a show, buddy. Wooh, ba-boom, ba-boom-ba-ba-ba-boom-ba.
Deena: You're probably wondering why I wanted to see you again.
George: Well, you know. (grins, snorts) It's understandable.
Deena: I'm glad you feel that way. Because since my father's breakdown I uh, become very sensitive to the warning signs.
George: Warning signs?
Deena: Nervousness, irritability, paranoia.
George: (disbelief) What? (laugh) Wh... what're you talking about? I'm not the one with the problem. (defensive) Lloyd Braun was in the nuthouse, not me.
Deena: Yet again, taking pleasure in the misfortunes of others.
George: All my friends do that.
Deena: George, I'm only trying to help...
Deena: I'm... I'm concerned. George? George, are you listening to me?
George: You see that woman on the horse? (points)
George: She stole twenty dollars from me. (getting angry) Yeah, I might've gotten it back, but Lloyd Braun interfered!
Deena: So again it all comes back to Lloyd.
George: (rising to his feet) Hey! Hey, you! (setting off after her) Come back here!! Don't gallop away!!
Jerry: So you say she was on a horse?
George: I'm telling you, that cashier is riding horses on my money.
Jerry: Well, here's what I propose. Go down to the stables, snoop around. See if any high-flying cashier's been throwing twenty dollar bills around with big lips.
Elaine: Hey.
Jerry: Well, if it isn't Chesty La Rue.
Elaine: (sits beside Jerry) What?
Jerry: I was chewing gum with Lloyd Braun, and he was bragging about the peepshow you gave him at the Alex.
Elaine: (laughing it away) Oh God. I lost a button, so my blouse was wide open. I musta left it at the theatre.
Jerry: Maybe it's in the lost and found.
Elaine: Yeah, I know. I have to go check it out. It's a beautiful button too, you know. It's antique ivory. It was my mother's.
Jerry: You know, the way you were wolfing down that popcorn, maybe you ate it.
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Kramer: Mr Har-harwood. Well, what an unexpected surprise to have you back at the Alex Theatre.
Haarwood: Well I, I'm in a bit of a quandary. I've misplaced my spectacles.
Kramer: Well, let's look in lost and found, shall we?
Haarwood: They're half-glasses.
Kramer: Brown?
Haarwood: Mmm, yes, yes.
Kramer: Uh, yeah. Ah, well if they're not in the box, I'm sure they'll turn up soon. Listen, could you keep an eye on the place? I wanna go out and get some paraffin wax, and bring out the lustre of this vintage countertop.
Haarwood: Certainly.
Haarwood: Oh my goodness. What a spanking button.
[George'S Car: Street Outside Alex]
George: (glances in mirror) Alright. Alright.
George: (getting annoyed) Hang on, it's warming up!
George: (angrily) Oh you mother...
George: Hey! What is your problem?
George: Oh, hello, it's you! (angry) Listen lady, I got six minutes left on that meter, and I'm not budging til you admit you stole my twenty dollars. (smug) Huh-hu-hur, you're not so tough when you're not on your horse, are you Ruthie?
Cashier: Your car's on fire.
George: Aah! Fire!
Cashier: (after George) Merry Christmas!
George: (shouting) Fire!!
George: Your hose! Where's your hose?!
Florist: Cop made me disconnect it.
Kramer: Jeez! What happened to your car, buddy?
George: The Jon Voight car is no more.
Kramer: Wow. Well, don't you sweat it. You can use my car any time you want to.
George: No kidding?
Kramer: No kidding.
George: Hey, thanks. I owe you a big one.
Kramer: Yeah, merry Christmas.
George: (staring at the wreck) Whatever.
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Jerry: Alright, I'm here. Where's Braun?
Kramer: What, he's not here yet?
Jerry: Look, I'll go downtown to Chinatown with him, but that is it!
Kramer: Listen, I'm gonna need those glasses.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: They're Geoffrey Haarwood's.
Kramer: (proffering) Here, try this pair.
Jerry: Aw, these are really strong glasses.
Lloyd: Hey gum-buddy. Nice frames. You ready to go?
Jerry: (lacking enthusiasm) Yeah, yeah.
Kramer: (clapping Jerry on the back) Oh yeah, he's all ready to go.
Lloyd: Anybody see Elaine today?
Kramer: Oh yeah, she called a little earlier. She's coming over to check out lost and found.
Lloyd: Maybe I'll stick around and see what she's wearing today. Or not wearing, if you know what I mean.
Jerry: Absolutely. Let's just stick around.
Lloyd: Ah, tell you what, they're expecting us though. Lemme just grab a hotdog here.
Kramer: Uh, yeah.
Lloyd: I'd like a hotdog, please.
Attendant: Are you outta your mind?
Kramer: Wh...wh...wh... what's the problem here?
Attendant: This hotdog's been here since the silent era. You'd have to be insane to eat it.
Kramer: No, no, no, no, no. This man is not insane. Now there's nothing wrong with it or you.
Lloyd: Kramer, maybe...
Kramer: No, no, no, no. I'll show you. (slams a bill down on the counter) One hotdog please.
Attendant: (on your head be it) Okay.
Kramer: Mmm, doesn't that smell good, huh?
Kramer: Yeah, here we go, yeah. (he takes a big bite) Mmm, oh. That's delicious. Mmm. It's a perfectly sane food to eat. (he takes another bite)
Kramer: Uhm, interesting texture. It's chewy. (he half-coughs, half-retches) I gotta get, some air.
[Street Outside Alex: Later]
Elaine: Excuse me. 'scuse me, weren't you told to stop using that hose?
Florist: How would you happen to know that?
Elaine: Well, uhm... I...
Florist: (accusing) You're that lady that was talking to the cops, aren't you?
Elaine: Uh... I...
Voice (O.C.): Hey, Joe!
Elaine: No, wait! You're soaking me, you're soaking me!
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Elaine: Hey. Hey everybody.
Lloyd: Whoah, Elaine! Once again, you've managed to top yourself. C'mon Jerry, let's go. Car's out front.
Jerry: Lloyd?
Jerry: Lloyd?
Elaine: (exasperated) What is Lloyd's problem?
Kramer: Look, honey, I know you're trying to get Lloyd to notice you, but this is too much. Parading around in a wet T-shirt.
Elaine: Uhh, I got sprayed with a hose.
Kramer: Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but the Alex is a family theatre, not one of your swing joints.
Deena: So, you want my father to pay for this?
George: You saw him. He was fiddling with the engine. God knows what he did there.
Deena: And I suppose Lloyd Braun had something to do with it too.
George: No, not Lloyd Braun. But the cashier.
Deena: What cashier?
George: You remember the woman on the horse? She wanted my spot.
Deena: To park her horse?
George: No, she wasn't on the horse.
Deena: So, your car caught fire because of my father and the woman on the horse?
George: That's right.
George: (points) And him!
Deena: The man with the flowers?
George: Yeah, yeah, the flower guy. Listen, I know this all sounds a little crazy, but...
George: I can't believe it. Look, that's Jerry Seinfeld.
Deena: Who?
George: Jerry Seinfeld. My best friend. He can explain all of this. (calls to Jerry) Jerry.
George: Jerry! Over here Jerry. It's me!
George: Jerry, where y'going? It's... what're...
Deena: (doubtful) That was your best friend?
George: Yeah, yeah, but he doesn't wear glasses.
Deena: That man was wearing glasses.
George: I know. Don't you see. (emphatic) He was doing it to fool Lloyd Braun!
Lloyd: I'll run in and get the gum.
Jerry: Alright.
Lloyd: Got any money?
Jerry: (handing it over) Here.
Lloyd: (climbing out of the car) I'll be back.
George: Look, Deena, I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not. This is just a series of bad coincidences.
Deena: I don't know, George. I don't know what to believe.
George: Believe me, I am not crazy.
Deena: Well, I guess it's possible.
Lloyd: Here y'go.
Jerry: (indistinct) Got all this?
Lloyd: Yeah. A hundred dollar's worth.
Jerry: (incredulous) I gave you a hundred dollars?!
Lloyd: You sure did. Am I crazy, or is that a lotta gum?
Jerry: It's a lotta gum!
Kramer: Mr Hararwood. Found your glasses.
Haarwood: Oh, splendid. Welcome to the Institute for the Preservation of Motion Picture Costumes and Wardrobe.
Kramer: Ah, the I.P.M.P.C.W.
Haarwood: Well eh, we prefer to call it the Institute.
Kramer: Is that from Henry the Eighth?
Haarwood: Yes, yes, it is.
Kramer: Well, you know, we're screening that tonight at the Alex. Do you think that I could wear that to promote the theatre?
Haarwood: Well, I... I'd love to lend it to you, but I doubt if it would fit a man of your impressive, Raymond Massey-like, physique. The only person who could really fit into this costume, would have to be a short, stocky, man of somewhat generous proportions.
Kramer: (an idea occurs) You don't say.
Kramer: You're really helping me out with this, buddy. Kids are gonna be so thrilled.
George: Yeah, yeah. You really cashed in on that favor pretty quick.
Kramer: Remember, you're a king, you must project a Royal bearing.
George: (angry undertone) Oh, I'm gonna give you a Royal bearing. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Lemme get a pack of gum here.
George: (handing over a bill) Can I get a pack of gum, please?
Guy: I beg your pardon, your majesty, but we don't accept bills with lipstick on the president.
George: What? Huh, so I had it all along. How d'you like that? (snorts) I guess I owe that cashier an apology.
Deena: Oh my God!
George: No, no. Deena, it's not what you think.
George: Th... this isn't mine.
George: I got it from the Institute. The Institute.
George: (shouting) Dee... Deena!
[Alex Theatre: Lobby]
Kramer: Ahh, Mr Haarwood. Well, you certainly know how to dress for a premiere.
Haarwood: Well, thank you. Uh, where is your friend King Henry?
Kramer: Oh, he ran away.
Lloyd: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: I need to talk to you.
Elaine: You know, that button looks very familiar.
Haarwood: Yes, it, it, it's antique ivory.
Elaine: I, I think that's my button. (wanders over to Haarwood) You know, I've been looking all over for it. Did, did you find it here?
Haarwood: Yes, it was in the lost and found.
Elaine: Shall I undo it?
Haarwood: Oh yes, of course you can.
Elaine: Oh, thank you.
Haarwood: I'm a little ticklish.
Elaine: Oh. (giggly) Tickle, tickle.
Lloyd: We've really gotta get that Elaine a boyfriend.
Kramer: Oh, tell me about it.


Elaine: (thinking) I can't believe I'm going out with this guy. Wow! He's so cool. Maybe he'll write a song about me. That would be amazing. Oh, Elaine, you are so beautiful. So, so beautiful. Not so mention your personality which is so, so, interesting. If you want, you can quit your job and never work again.
Elaine: Jerry, you have got to come see him. He is so terrific.
Jerry: Maybe he'll write a song about you.
Elaine: Yeah. Right. (laughing) Like that really matters.
Jerry: So I take it he's spongeworthy?
Elaine: Oh, yeah.
Jerry: Well, he's a musician. I guess they're supposed to be very, you know, uninhibited and free.
Elaine: Well, actually, he's - he's not that way at all.
Jerry: Oh, no?
Elaine: Yeah. In fact, he...(moaning)
Jerry: Come on. Come on.
Elaine: I don't wanna!
Jerry: Elaine, you're among friends.
Elaine: (sighs) Well, actually, he, um, doesn't really like to do... everything.
Jerry: Oh.
Elaine: Yeah. It's surprising.
Jerry: Yes, it is. It is surprising. Does that bother you?
Elaine: No. No, it doesn't bother me. I mean, it would be nice. I'm not gonna lie to you and say it wouldn't be nice.
Jerry: Sure. Why not? You're there.
Elaine: Exactly.
Jerry: But you said he was just coming out of a very serious relationship. Maybe he's, you know, still...kind of...he...not gonna happen.
Kramer: Hey, Jerry! Listen, I need you to come downstairs, help me get my stuff outta the car.
Jerry: What stuff?
Kramer: I just came from the price club. I'm loaded up, baby.
Jerry: All right. What are you, outta your mind? Look at this. What did you buy here? You will never be able to finish all this stuff.
Kramer: Course I will. These are staples.
Jerry: A four-pound can of black olives? That's a staple?
Kramer: Lindsay olives, Jerry.
Jerry: A forty-eight pack of Eggo waffles? A gallon of barbecue sauce? Ten pounds of cocktail meatballs?
Kramer: $17.50. You can't beat that.
Jerry: Look...look at this can of tuna!
Kramer: Yeah. Star Kist, Jerry. Most tuna don't make their cut.
Jerry: This isn't for a person. This is for Biosphere 3.
Kramer: Hey, Clyde!
Clyde: Hey, Kramer! What's happening, dude?
Kramer: Yeah. Ahh. Hey, this is Jerry here.
Clyde: How ya doin'?
Jerry: Hi.
Kramer: You know, Clyde, he plays backup with John Germaine.
Jerry: John Germaine? That is amazing. I was just talking about him upstairs with Elaine.
Clyde: Oh yeah?
Jerry: Oh, yeah. My friend Elaine and him are goin' out. They're pretty hot and heavy.
Clyde: Is that right?
Kramer: Hey, how 'bout giving me a hand? You know, bring some of this stuff upstairs.
Clyde: Oh, sorry Kramer, I got to watch the hands. My hands are my life.
Estelle: Georgie, can you zip me up?
George: Yeah. Yeah, one second.
Estelle: Well, come on!
George: All right. All right. Let's not get into panic mode! Let's not make a big deal outta this thing or we're never gonna get through this night.
Estelle: Well, I'm meeting your in-laws, I think I should look nice.
George: My in-laws. Oh, my...
Frank: So, what do you think? Your old man can look pretty good when he wants to, huh?
Estelle: I don't like that tie.
Frank: What's the matter with this tie? I've hardly worn it.
Estelle: It's too thin. They're wearing wide now.
Frank: How do you know what kind of ties they wear?
Estelle: Go to any office building on 7th Avenue and tell me if there's anyone there wearing a thin tie like that. Go ahead!
Frank: Oh, get the hell outta here. 7th Avenue.
Estelle: George, do you think he should wear a tie like that?
Frank: Huh?
George: I think he should wear whatever tie he wants.
Frank: We gotta stop off and pick up a marble rye from Schnitzer's.
Estelle: It's out of our way. Why can't we pick up something at Lord's? It's right over here.
Frank: No! We have to go to Schnitzer's! I'll show these people something about taste!
George: This is gonna be fun.
Jerry: Hey, you'll never guess who I bumped into. This guy Clyde. He's in your friend John Germaine's band there.
Elaine: So what did he have to say?
Jerry: Nothing. I told him you two were pretty hot and heavy.
Elaine: Hot and heavy? You said hot and heavy?
Jerry: Yeah.
Elaine: What did you do that for?
Jerry: What?
Elaine: What if he tells John? Then John's gonna think that I think that we're hot and heavy. I don't want John thinking that I'm hot and heavy if he's not hot and heavy.
Jerry: Oh
Elaine: I'm trying to get a little squirrel to come over to me here. I don't wanna make any big, sudden movements. I'll frighten him away.
Jerry: Well, Clyde might not tell him.
Elaine: How do you know that?
Jerry: I should have helped Kramer with those packages.
Elaine: Ohh!
Dennis: Let me give you a hand. Hey, Kramer. I wonder, could you do me a favor? I'm taking the family to Disneyworld next week. I wonder...
Kramer: Uh-huh.
Dennis: I wonder, could you pick up my mail?
Kramer: Yeah. Sure. Sure.
Dennis: In fact, you know what, how would you like to take my hansom cab for the week?
Kramer: Drive the horse?
Dennis: It'll just be sitting there. You can really clean up. 500 bucks a day. I'll split it with ya.
Kramer: Oh, giddyup. Yeah.
George: This is delicious, Mrs. Ross.
Mrs. Ross: Oh.
Mr. Ross: What are you complimenting her for? She didn't make it Rowenna did.
Frank: What is this thing anyway?
Mrs. Ross: It's Cornish gamehen.
Frank: What is that, like a little chicken?
George: It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. (laughing) Little chicken. It's a gamebird.
Frank: Gamebird?
George: Yeah.
Frank: What do you mean? Like, you - you hunt it?
Mr. Ross: Yes.
Frank: How hard could it be to kill this thing?
Estelle: I couldn't help but notice that you have quite a library in there.
Mrs. Ross: If I had a dime for every book he's actually read, (laughing) I'd be broke.
Susan: More wine anyone?
Frank: Yeah. I'll take some.
Susan: Hmmm?
Frank: Thank you.
Susan: How do you like the Merlot?
Estelle: Merlot? I never heard of it. Did they just invent it?
Mrs. Ross: Oh, mother.
George: She's, uh, she's heard of Merlot.
Frank: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?
George: Why don't we talk about it another time.
Frank: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.
Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank: That's perverse.
George: Did anybody see Firestorm?
Mr. Ross: Firestorm, that's a hell of a picture.
George: Yeah.
Mr. Ross: Remember when they had the helicopter land on top of that car -
Frank: Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on! I haven't seen it yet.
Mr. Ross: It doesn't have anything to do with the plot!
Frank: Still! Still! I like to go in fresh!
George: Oh mother of God.
Kramer: Of course, uh, this is Central Park. Uh, this was designed in 1850 by Joe Peppitone. Um, built during the Civil War so the northern armies could practice fighting on...on grass. Oh, yeah. Giddyup. On Rusty!
John: Thank you. Now, I'd like to play something th - well, actually, it's my latest so it's nice and fresh. It's called " Hot And Heavy."
George: Thank God that's over.
Estelle: The mother seems to hit the sauce pretty hard. I didn't like that.
Frank: And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people? Would it kill them to put out a pound cake? Something!
George: So, they didn't give you a piece of cake? Big deal.
Estelle: It is a big deal. You're supposed to serve cake after a meal. I'm sorry. It's impolite.
Frank: Not impolite...it's stupid, that's what it is. You gotta be stupid to do something like that!
Estelle: Your father's absolutely right. We're sitting there like idiots drinking coffee without a piece of cake!
George: What is this? The marble rye?
Mrs. Ross: Oh, dear. I forgot to put out that - that bread they brought.
Estelle: We forgot to bring it in.
Frank: No, I brought it in. They never put it out.
Mrs. Ross: Where is it?
Susan: I don't know. Where'd you put it?
Mrs. Ross: Right over there.
Susan: Well, it's gone.
George: You stole the bread?
Frank: What do you mean stole? It's my bread. They didn't eat it. Why should I leave it there?
George: Because we brought it for them!
Frank: Apparently, it wasn't good enough for them to serve.
Mrs. Ross: Is it possible they took it back?
Susan: Who would bring a bread and take it back?
Mr. Ross: Those people, that's who. I think they're sick.
Estelle: People take buses to get that rye.
George: Maybe they forgot to put it out!
Frank: Aw, they didn't forget to put it out! It's deliberate! Deliberate, I tell ya!
Jerry: He stole back the rye?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: Why?
George: Why? Why? 'Cause he's off his rocker! That's why.
Jerry: So, do the Ross's know?
George: I don't know. They're all very suspicious.
Jerry: Why wouldn't they be? A rye bread doesn't just disappear.
George: Now, because of that stupid rye bread, I gotta keep them all separated for the rest of my life.
Jerry: Bad situation.
George: I'll tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to replace that rye.
Jerry: What do you mean replace it?
George: You know, you go out, you get another rye. Of course, it would have to be the same one from Schnitzer's. You put it in the kitchen somewhere and you say Ohh! There it is.
Jerry: Well, there ya go. What's so hard about that?
George: What's so hard about that? How am I supposed to get it in there? I can't just walk in with it. I have to get the Rosses out of the apartment!
Jerry: All right. All right. Don't panic. Let's just think about it. Get the Ross's out of the apartment. That can't be so hard. Wait a minute. Wait a second. Wait a second! You know, Kramer's been driving that hansom cab.
George: So?
Jerry: Well, Kramer'll take them around for a while.
George: And it's their anniversary Friday night. I could send them for a hansom cab ride. Y - you think they'd like that?
Jerry: Are you kidding? People love it. There's something about the clip clop, clip clop. They're nuts for it.
George: So, they go off for the ride, by the time they come back the bread is there.
Jerry: What about Susan?
George: She's working late that night. We're - were supposed to have dinner with everybody at eight o'clock so I'll set up the ride for seven o'clock.
Jerry: Beautiful!
George: You think Kramer'll do it?
Kramer: Of course I'll do it. I'd be happy to. So, all I gotta do is be there at seven?
George: Yeah. Just take 'em out and ride 'em around for about..half an hour.
Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: What the hell are you doing there?
Kramer: It's Beef-A-Reeno..and I got fifty cans. You want some?
Jerry: No. No thanks.
Kramer: Jerry, I think I bought too much at that price club. I don't have any room for it all.
George: Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute. How am I gonna get the rye bread into the apartment?
Jerry: Just put it under your shirt.
George: Have you ever seen a Schnitzer's rye? It - it's huge!
Jerry: I'll tell ya what, I'll bring it over. I'll stop by Schnitzer's, I'll come by five after seven right after they leave.
George: Oh, this is all locking in now. It is all locking in! (laughing)
Elaine: Hey. Is that your horse outside?
Kramer: Yeah. That's Rusty.
George: What? He's outside?
Kramer: Uh-huh.
George: Aw, come on. I wanna go see him.
Kramer: You wanna go see him?
George: Yeah. Hey! Hey!
Kramer: I'll show ya Rusty.
George: Hey, Lainey, wanna see the horsey?
Elaine: Well, you really did me in this time, didn't ya? First guy I like in a really long time. I mean, we're getting along, everything is just great. I mean, all right, so he doesn't do... everything, and then you have to come along with your hot and your heavy.
Jerry: So, you think Clyde told him?
Elaine: He wrote a song about it!
Jerry: Well, maybe it's a good thing.
Elaine: No! It's not a good thing! It's a bad thing! Do you know what this is like? To have no control over a relationship? And - and you feel sick to your stomach all the time? Do you know what that's like?
Jerry: No, but I've read articles and I must say it, doesn't sound very pleasant.
Elaine: You know, one of these days, something terrible is gonna happen to you. It has to!
Jerry: No. I'm gonna be just fine, but as far as your situation, you're seeing him tonight so talk to him about it.
Elaine: I can't! He's got a big showcase for record producers at his late show tonight. I don't wanna upset him. Aw, what the hell, I'll upset him.
Mr. Ross: Yeah George, I gotta tell ya, this is a very nice gesture. We really appreciate it.
George: Aw, well, you know, it's your anniversary. It's - it's the least I can do. I - I just want you guys to go out and have a good time. Ha ha. So, you think we should, uh, we should get downstairs?
Mr. Ross: Oh, we got about twenty minutes. You, uh, seem a little nervous George. Anything wrong?
George: Oh, no. No. No. No. No. Nothing. I'm fine. Everything's fine. Fine. Just get a little nervous on the weekends, that's all. Could I, uh, could I get a glass of water?
Mrs. Ross: We've got water. I don't think we have any bread, but we've got water.
Kramer: Yeah. There ya go. That's Beef-A-Reeno. (singing) I'm so keen-o On Beef-A-Reeno What a delicious cuisine-o Fit for a king and queen-o! Yeah. Eat up. I got thirty four more cans.
Mr. Ross: Nice night for a hansom cab ride, 'ay George?
Mrs. Ross: You know, George we haven't done anything romantic like this in ...years.
George: (thinking) Oh my God, it's 701. What have I done? My whole plan is depending on Kramer? Have I learned nothing? How could I make such a stupid mistake? He'll never show up!
Kramer: Ah ha!
George: There he is. Right on time as usual.
Counter Woman: 53.
Mabel: 53. I'd like a marble rye, no plastic, in a bag.
Counter Woman: Ah! You're lucky. It's our last one.
Jerry: Wait a second, that's your last marble rye?
Counter Woman: That's right.
Jerry: There's none left?
Counter Woman: That's what I said. Number 54.
Jerry: Uh, excuse me. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I - I have to have that rye. It's a - it's a long story, but a person's whole future may depend on it.
Mabel: Well, I'm sorry, but you should have got here earlier.
Jerry: Yes. Well, be that as it may, if you could just find it in yourself to give it up.
Mabel: You're not getting this rye -
Jerry: All right. All right. I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do, I will give you double what you paid for it.
Mabel: You're in my way!
Kramer: Ahh! Mr. Ross. Mrs. Ross. My name is Cosmo and I'll be your driver for this evening. We have blankets for your comfort. I also have hot chocolate if the mood should strike you.
Mrs. Ross: My favorite.
Kramer: Well, if we're all set to go, why don't you two hop aboard and let me show you a little taste of old New York...the way it once was. Oh, happy anniversary. On, Rusty!
Jerry: All right. Look, I'll tell ya what, I'll give you $50. Now, be reasonable you cannot turn down $50 for a $6 rye.
Mabel: No? Watch me.
Jerry: Give me that rye!
Mabel: Stop it!
Jerry: I want that rye, lady!
Mabel: Help! Someone help!
Jerry: Shut up, you old bag!
Mabel: Stop thief! Stop him! He's got my marble rye!
Elaine: I'm sorry to just show up unexpectedly like this. I know you've got your big showcase coming up later and I know how important it is, I know how hard you work for this night, but I just had to tell you that I never told Jerry hot and heavy. I didn't think we were hot and heavy. I mean - I mean, who's hot and who's heavy?
John: Whoa. Hold on, Elaine I...I'm kinda disappointed.
Elaine: Disappointed?
John: Yeah. I mean, I was excited when Clyde told me that.
Elaine: You were?
John: Absolutely.
Elaine: Ohh! Whew! I am so relieved!
John: Listen, uh, I've still got a couple of hours to kill before the next show. My place is only a few blocks from here.
Elaine: Really?
John: And you know what?
Elaine: What?
John: I've been thinking about what we do and I'm thinking..of...adding a new number to my, you know, repertoire.
Elaine: Ohh!
Kramer: Y'aah!
Mrs. Ross: (sniffing) What is that?
Mr. Ross: I think it's the horse.
Mrs. Ross: Oh, God.
Kramer: Hey, how's everything? You..you need anything?
Mrs. Ross: This is - this is...horrible.
Mr. Ross: Excuse me,...what do you feed this animal?
Kramer: Oh, you know, oats and hay. You know, they like that stuff.
Mrs. Ross: I can't take this. Let me out of this thing!
Mr. Ross: Turn this thing around. We've had it. We can't breathe back here! And hurry it up!
Kramer: Rusty! Rusty!
George: (whistling)
Kramer: Whoa!
George: Wha - what happened? What are you doing back so soon?
Mr. Ross: Ask Rusty.
Kramer: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ross. One never knows how the gastrointestinal workings of the equine are going to function.
Mrs. Ross: Thanks for nothing! Come on, George. Let's go upstairs.
George: What the hell happened?
Kramer: The horse is gassy. Must have been the Beef-A-Reeno.
George: Beef-A-Reeno? You fed the horse Beef-A-Reeno?!
Kramer: Well, I overbought!
Mr. Ross: George.
George: (muttering)
Music Guy: What's going on? Where is he?
Manager: Uh...he'll be here soon.
Music Guy: I'll give him ten more minutes. I'm not gonna stay here all night.
Jerry: How much did you give him?
Kramer: Just a can. But he really liked it, though.
George: Jerry! Up here!
Jerry: Yeah. Hey, what do you want me to do with this?
George: I can't come out. They're standing right by the door. Throw it up!
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. Yeah. It's the only way. Come on. What are you, kidding me?
Jerry: Will you get this horse outta here. He's killing me. I can't get any oxygen.
Kramer: I don't wanna go back on there!
George: Come on!
Jerry: (grunting as he throws bread into the air)
George: (grunting) Hey! Hey, wait a second. I got an idea.
Elaine: No. No. Don't be silly, John, you were very good. You just don't have to try so hard. Good luck, honey.
George: Come on! Come on!
Jerry: Wait a second! I never baited a hook with a rye before. Your hook is too small. This is for, like, a muffin. All right. Take it away.
George: Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. (grunting)
Manager: Ladies and gentlemen, John Germaine.


Jerry: How did you lock your keys in the car?
George: How? Cause Im an Idiot.
Jerry: So why don't you get a locksmith?
George: I was going to, but then I found out that the auto club has this free locksmith service, so I signed up. Just waiting for the membership to kick in.
Jerry: How long has your car been sitting in the Yankee parking lot?
George: I don't know, about three days.
Kramer: Hello boys.
Jerry: Y- you're not playin' golf?
Kramer: Yes, indeed. The calendar says winter, but he gods of spring are out.
George: Are the courses open?
Kramer: No, no....I'm sneaking in with Stan the Caddy, we've been going through the caddies entrance.
George: Huh, No kidding?
Kramer: Yeah, and I'll tell ya something else. Stan's advice has transformed my game. He's never wrong. Oh, he thinks eventually I'll have a shot at making it big on the senior tour. (sucks in air through tight lips) Oh, that's my dream, Jerry.
Jerry: Really, you're getting that good?
Kramer: Oh, I'm the real deal.
Kramer: Yeah, here, Stan, in here!
Kramer: There he is, yeah - Jerry, George, *this* is Stan the Caddy.
George: How ya doin'?
Jerry: Hi.
Stan: Nice to meet you. Ready to hit the links, Kramer?
Kramer: Oh yeah, you betcha.
Stan: What are those, ah, cotton pants?
Kramer: Yeah, Yeah...Why, is it too cold out?
Stan: Here's what you do you bring a lightweight jacket, that way the sun comes out, you play the jacket off the sweater.
Kramer: Ah, that makes sense, that's a good call, Stan. Alright, we'll see you guys later, huh?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: Yeah, we'll see ya.
George & Jerry: (together - with arms extended - palms upwards) Stan The Caddy.
Sue Ellen: Elaine?
Sue Ellen: Hi!
Elaine (Thinking To Herself): Oh, great. It's the bra-less wonder. Who does she think she's kidding? Look at her, she's totally out of control.
Sue Ellen: I was thinking that woman looks like Elaine Benes.
Elaine: Yeah, ha ha ha. What have you been up to?
Sue Ellen: I've just been hanging out.
Elaine (Nodding): I see.
Sue Ellen: Hmm. Oh, listen! I'm having a birthday party tomorrow evening, I'd love it if you came by.
Elaine: Oh Tomorrow...?
Sue Ellen: Um-hm.
Elaine: I don't know if I can.
Sue Ellen: Nooo?
Elaine: Yeah, I'm just really, really busy.
Sue Ellen: Oh, that's too bad.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah.
Sue Ellen: Well, I hope you can get me a gift anyway.....ha ha ha.
Elaine: Ah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Wilhelm: George!?
George: (he drops a paper airplane he was holding) Mr. Wilhelm!
Wilhelm: I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Mr. Steinbrenner and I really want you to know we appreciate all the hours you've been putting in Oh, and, ah, confidentially, Sozonkel, our Assistant to the General Manger, hasn't really been working out. And the boss thinks you're the man for the job! So, keep it under your hat!
George: Assistant to the General Manager!! Do you know what means?!? He'd could be askin' my advice on trades! Trades, Jerry, I'm a heartbeat away!
Jerry: That's a hell of an organization they're running up there. I can't understand why they haven't won a pennant in 15 years.
George: And, it is all because of that car
George: See, Steinbrenner is like the first guy in, at the crack of dawn. He sees my car, he figures I'm the first guy in
George: Then, the last person to leave is Wilhelm. He sees my car, he figures I'm burning the midnight oil. Between the two of them, they think I'm working an 18 hour day! (he stands there with his hands on his hips, a wide grin - laughing.)
Jerry: Locking your keys in your car is the best career move you ever made.
Elaine: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
George: Hey, how ya doing?!?
Elaine: Better, now.
Jerry: Yeah, what happened?
Elaine: You know Sue Ellen Mishke?
Jerry: Sue Ellen Mishke?
Elaine: Yeah, the woman I grew up with in Maryland, she moved here last year...
Jerry: Sounds familiar.
Elaine: The heiress to the O'Henry candy bar fortune-
Jerry: Oh, yeah, you mentioned her.
Elaine: Yes. Yes I ran into her today. This woman has never, not once, ever, as long as I have known her, worn a bra.
George: Ah, that is disgusting-
Jerry: That is just shameless, I don't know, There's no-
George: Shes a pig. The woman's a pig, what wrong with her-
Jerry: It's wrong, it's rude, and it's incorrect.
George: It's disgusting-
Elaine (Getting Up To Leave): Alright, there's no-
George: Come on! Come-on.
Jerry: We're only kidding!
Elaine: You don't understand. See, she hasn't changed at all. She stole my boyfriend when I was in high school. (flashback sequence)I was at this party, and I was dating this *really* cute guy, his name was Tom Cosley, by the way, and she goes walking by, in this little floozy outfit, and he follows her, right out the door!
Jerry (Excited): She's your Lex Luthor!
Elaine: Her birthday's comin' up, see, so I decided to get her a little present.
Jerry: What are you going to get her?
Elaine: A very traditional, a very supportive, brazier.
Jerry: There's nothing subtle about that.
George: No, no, she might just think its a gift.
Jerry: Have I ever bought you a jock strap as a gift?
George: Ahh, Hey-Ho. ahhhhh (exhales)
Jerry: What the hell are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be at work?!?
George: Yeah, well I'm thinking about getting out of town with Susan for a few days...Her parents rebuilt the cabin!
Jerry: So, you're just taking off from work?
George: Yeah well, they won't know. I got the car there.
Jerry: Do you think this is such a good idea, with you being on the verge of this big promotion?
George: My presence, in that office, can only hurt my chances.
Receptionist: (on Intercom) Sue Ellen Mishke to see you.
Elaine: Sue Ellen Mishke? Ah, alright, send her in.
Sue Ellen: Hi Elaine.
Elaine: Hellllloo.
Sue Ellen: I happened to be in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop in, and thank you for your lovely gift.
Elaine: Ohhhhh. You're...welcome.
Sue Ellen: Is anything wrong?
Elaine: Well, Sue Ellen, it's a, it's not a top, it's a bra.
Sue Ellen: Oh, I know. Thanks again.
George: This is the life! Isn't it, huh, kid?
Susan: Wanna check out a swap meet?
George: Yeah, maybe. (snifs)Where'd you get that?
Susan: Oh, it was on the windshield of the car when we came out of that rest stop.
Jerry : Yello.
George: (on a pay phone) Hey, hey, it's George, I need ya to do me a favor.
Jerry: What's goin' on?
George: I just remembered, th-th-there's this Chinese restaurant out near Yankee Stadium, that puts flyers on all the cars.
Jerry: Yeah, so?
George: Alright, this is what ya gotta do I need ya to go out to the parking lot at Yankee Stadium, take the flyers off my car.
Jerry: You know last time you had me throwin' a rye bread up three floors to you, now you want me to go up to the Bronx, take flyers off your car, where does it end?!?
George: Alright, fine.I'll drive the 3 hours each way, 6 hours all together, and take 'em off myself!!
Jerry: Alright, alright, I'll do it!!
Kramer: Oowe (Kramer noise - hes eating something)
Jerry: Hey, what are ya up to?
Kramer: Nothin'.
Jerry: You wanna go with me up to (clap) the Bronx and see if there's any flyers on George's car.
Kramer (Excited): Sure!
Jerry: I guess I coulda said just about anything there, couldn't I? (throws coat over his right shoulder)
Kramer: yep.
Jerry: Oh, man, look at this mess! You know what's gonna happen if they see this?
Kramer: Wheehh
Jerry: What are we gonna do?
Kramer: I don't know.
Jerry: Well, we gotta get it washed (pulls off a few flyers)...Ah, the keys are locked inside!
Kramer: Wait a second...
Jerry: What are ya gonna do?
Kramer: I'll just snag the lock with this. auhh Here we go...
Jerry: Yeah, this quite a life I lead here, huh?
[Leaving The Gentle Touch Car Wash: Jerry and Kramer driving George's car. Kramer is behind the wheel.]
Kramer: Well, George has gotta be happy about this.
Jerry (Indifferent): Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Jerry: Oh my God, Kramer, is that woman just wearing a bra?
Kramer: Oh, mama.
Jerry: Kramer!!! (Jerry points to the lamp post they are about to crash into)
Elaine: My God, are you okay?
Kramer: Well I got a cut on my head and I banged my shoulder. (He has a large Band-aid on his forehead)
Jerry: I guess I have to bring his car back up to the stadium, if it can make it.
Elaine: So how did this happen?
Jerry: He was starin' at some woman!
Kramer: Well I couldn't help it, you saw what she was wearing.
Elaine: What woman?
Jerry: There was this beautiful woman walking down the street wearing *just* a bra. I can't get that image out of my mind.
Elaine: Oh...my God.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: Was it a tall woman, in a black blazer?
Jerry: Yeah!
Elaine: Ohhh! That's Sue Ellen Mishke!
Jerry: Sue Ellen Mishke?
Elaine: That's the bra I gave here, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on, she's a menace to society.
Kramer: Hey you know, my arm really hurts. I wonder if its gonna affect my golf swing.
Kramer: Oohh.
Stan (Out Of Breath): I got your message, how's the shoulder?
Kramer: Yeah, it's my left arm, I can't swing it!
Stan: Oh, no.Not the left arm!
Kramer: Well what happens if I can't play like I was? What about the tour, and all my dreams?
Elaine: Oh! I got it! Let's sue her!
Kramer: Sue her?
Elaine: Yeah, she's loaded. She's the heiress to the O'Henry candy bar fortune.
Kramer: Ah, No, no, no, I can't. I learned my lesson from that coffee company.
Elaine: Kramer, listen to me. Listen! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Your dreams have been shattered, somebody's got to be held accountable. Come on, we'll take for every penny she's got!
Kramer: What do you think, Stan?
Stan: Let's go for the green! You know a good lawyer?
Jackie: So you're driving in the car, you're with your friend, minding your own business?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jackie: Then what happened?
Kramer: Well then we saw this woman, and she was wearing a bra with no top.
Jackie: No top? She didn't have a top on?
Kramer: Yeah.So I got distracted and I crashed the car.
Jackie: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Jackie: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!
Kramer: She was flouting.
Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!
Kramer: It was outrageous. And she's the heir to the O'Henry candy bar fortune.
Jackie: Could you repeat that?
Kramer: I said she's the heir to the O'Henry candy bar fortune.
Jackie: O'Henry? That's one of our top-selling candy bars. It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat, it's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding! Have you been to a doctor?
Kramer: No.
Jackie (Speaking To The Intercom): Susie, call Dr. Bison, set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer, tell him it's for me.
Kramer: So whadda ya think, Jackie? I mean we got a case?
Jackie: Like taking candy from a baby.
George: I think I got it. How 'bout this? How 'bout this? We trade Jim Leyritz and Bernie Williams, for Barry Bonds, huh? Whadda ya think? That way I have Griffey and Bonds, in the same outfield! Now you got a team! Ha ha ha.
Susan: I don't know, George. I'm still worried about this car thing.
George: Oh, would ya stop worrying?
Susan: Well, what about the flyers?
George: Jerry took the flyers off the car, I got the whole thing covered.
Steinbrenner: Come in!
Steinbrenner: Ah, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Mr. Steinbrenner, I am very concerned about George Costanza.
Steinbrenner: How 'bout a 'good morning'?
Wilhelm: Oh yes sir, good morning, good morning, sir.
Steinbrenner: Good morning to you, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Uh-a Anyway, his car's in the parking lot, the front end is bashed in, and there's blood in the car, and we can't find him anywhere. Obviously he was in some sort of a terrible car accident, and trooper that he is, he tried to make it into work, sir.
Steinbrenner: Alright, Wilhelm, listen to me. I want the stadium scoured. He could be bleeding to death in the bullpen.
Wilhelm: Yes sir. (he starts backing up to the door.)
Steinbrenner: Put everyone on alert, check all the area hospitals, clinics, shelters, we've gotta find that kid.
Wilhelm: Yes sir, yes sir. (Opening the door)
Steinbrenner: We must find George.
Wilhelm: Yes sir.
Steinbrenner: Find him, Wilhelm!
Wilhelm: (from behind the closed door in the hallway)Yes sir.
Sue Ellen: Excuse me, do you happen to know the gentleman across the hall?
Jerry (Mesmerized): Yes, yes, I do.
Sue Ellen: Do you happen to know if he'll be back anytime soon?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Sue Ellen: Oh...
Jerry: Is there, something I can help you with?
Sue Ellen: No, I really just needed to speak with him. (exhales)
Jerry: Well, you can wait for him in here if you like.
Sue Ellen: Oh, well maybe I will.
Sue Ellen: If you don't mind.
Jerry: No, no, not at all.
Sue Ellen: Thanks.
Jerry: I'm Jerry Seinfeld.
Steinbrenner: What is with these people, all day long. Come in, come in.
Wilhelm: Ah, Mr. Steinbrenner, you know, w-we've searched everywhere, th-there's no sign of him. n-n-Not even anyone who remotely fits his description, sir.
Steinbrenner: Oh my God. Do you know what this means, Wilhelm?
Wilhelm: What, sir?
Steinbrenner: He's dead! ca-Costanza's dead!
Wilhelm: No no no sir. Well, you see, I don't think-
Steinbrenner: Oh, as quickly as he came here, he's gone. The poor little guy! Easy. Easy, big Stein, get it together. Ok, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Yessir?
Steinbrenner: Find out where his parents live.
Wilhelm: Parents.
Steinbrenner: I'm gonna personally notify them. ...and, ah, line up some candidates to fill that assistant to the General Manager position
Wilhelm: Yessir. (he starts backing up to the door.)
Steinbrenner: we can't grieve forever!
Wilhelm: Right. Yessir.
Steinbrenner: We gotta get back to business!
Wilhelm: Yes Sir! (closes the door)
Steinbrenner: Back to Business Wilhelm!
Wilhelm: (from behind the closed door in the hallway) Yes Sir!
Kramer: Well, buddy, (claps) he's taking the case! Jackie Chiles is right on it! Right on it, he's all over it!
Jerry (Not Happy): Oh, really?
Kramer: Why, wh-wh-what's wrong, come on?
Jerry: I don't know
Kramer: uuh-
Jerry: so the woman was walking around in a bra
Kramer: Yeah-
Jerry: I mean it's no big deal. You're still drivin'. You should have been watching the road.
Kramer: Well, your attitude has certainly changed.
Jerry: I don't think my attitude has changed.
Kramer: Now listen, Jerry, I'm gonna need you to testify.
Jerry: (quietly, yet in a high and whiney tone) Well, I don't know if I...
Kramer: Jerry, Jerry, you gotta testify!
Jerry: Kramer I don't think I can-
Kramer: Listen, this is a million dollars we're talkin' about, Jerry, now this is the big league, the big time, now I need you on my team, Jerry!
Jerry: Well, I'm just not sure how I feel about it, Kramer.
Kramer: Alright what's gotten into you, what's happened?!?
Jerry: Nothing's happened.
Kramer (In Disgust): Goohhhhck.
Kramer (Picking Up The Wrapper): Ohhhh, what's this?
Jerry: Oh, no, no, no, wait a second, wait a second th-th-that-
Kramer: Oh I see...Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?
Jerry: Kramer, it is not what you think.
Kramer: Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river.
Jerry: And what about yooou?!? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!
Kramer: You're just out for sex!!
Jerry: You're just out for money!!
Kramer And Jerry (Together): Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh!!!!!!
Steinbrenner: Mrs. Costanza?
Estelle (Smiling): Yesss?
Steinbrenner: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad new about your son.
Estelle: (gasps)
Estelle (Crying): I can't believe it, he was so young. How could this have happened?
Steinbrenner: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
Estelle: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
Frank (Yelling): What the hell did you trade Jay Buener for?!? He had 30 home runs, and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm - you don't know what the hell you're doin'!!
Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps' bat. They kept saying 'Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps'.
JerryS Outgoing Message: Im not here, leave a message.
Frank (From The Answering Machine): Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr. Steinbrenners here, George is dead, call me back!
Jerry (Answering Phone): Hello?
George (On A Pay Phone): Hey, it's George.
Jerry: Where have you been?!?
George: What?
Jerry: I just got the most bizarre message from you father, Steinbrenner is at you house, they think you're dead!
George: Dead?
Jerry: Yeah, and we had an accident with your car, it's a, its a little crumpled.
George: My cars a little crumpled?!?
Jerry: Yeah, yeah, I didn't know what to do so I put it back at the stadium. Oh, wait a second, wait a second, they saw the car, they saw the blood, they couldn't find ya, that's why Steinbrenner thinks you're dead!
George: Allright, I gotta head back right away, I'll-Ill - I gotta figure something out here.
Jerry: Well you gotta call your parents.
George: I can't, Steinbrenner might still be there!
Jerry: Aren't you gonna tell your parents you're still alive?
George: OOuuoo! They could use the break!
Peterman (Holding Up A Bra): Elaine, do you see this? Do you see what I'm holding in my hands?
Elaine: Yeah, it's a bra.
Peterman: I saw a woman in our hallway wearing one of these as a top. (sits on the corner of the desk)What exquisite beauty, I ran down the hallway to talk to her, but the elevator door closed. It was not to be.Perhaps our paths will cross again some day.
Elaine: w-What is this all about?
Peterman: I wanna market this item as a new direction in women's fashion.
Elaine: Oh-oh, but-
Peterman: We're gonna sell this as a top. Here's the angle Zelda Fitzgerald, aaaand, somebody in the 20s, wearing this at wild parties, driving all the men crazy (tosses the bra on Elaines desk) Have it on my desk by the end of the week.
Steinbrenner: Come in, come in.
George: Mr. Steinbrenner-
Steinbrenner (Shocked): Ahhh, Ahhh! Ah, ah ah! Is it you?
George: Yeah, it's me sir. It's been a harrowing few days. uuh,After the car accident, I-I crawled into a ditch, and managed to survive on, grubs and puddle water, until a kindly old gentleman picked me up.
Steinbrenner: Grubs, huh? Gotta admit, I never tasted one of those.
George: Anyway, as I was lying in the puddle, I-I think I may have found a way for us to get Bonds and Griffey, and we wouldn't have to give up that much.
Steinbrenner: Well, don't tell it to me George, tell it to the new Assistant to the General Manager.
George: I didn't get the job?
Steinbrenner: Well, once you were dead, we couldn't just sit on our hands. We had to make a move...
Steinbrenner: But, you still have your old job. Of course, we'll have to dock you for the time you missed. We're running a ball club here. If I give special treatment to you, everyone will want it. Next thing you know its chaos! And I can tell you this, (George closes the door) chaos does not work for the New York Yankees! Not as long as I'm running the show!
Jackie: So it was the meeting on the street that prompted you to buy the bra for Miss Mishke, would you say that was correct?
Elaine (On The Witness Stand): Yes...ummm, (leans into the microphone, pulling it closer it squeaks) yes, that's correct.
Jackie: And you have also brought with you, another bra, (goes over to the table and pulls a bra out of a bag) exactly like, the one that she so flagrantly exhibited herself in!
Elaine: Yes, that's correct.
Jackie: Uh, what was you golf score, the last round you played uh, before you shoulder was injured?
Kramer: Three under par.
Jackie (Impressed): Oooohhhh, three under par, HmmThat's what the professionals shoot, isn't it?
Kramer: Well if they're lucky.
Jackie: Well would you tell this jury exactly what you saw at the corner of 83rd Street and Columbus?
Jerry (Hesitant): I...don't remember.
Jackie: Well, did you, or did you not, see the defendant, wearing the bra?
Jerry: I don't know. Maybe.
Jackie: Mr. Seinfeld, I might remind you that you are under oath. Now I ask you again, did you or did you not, see this woman wearing a bra?!?
Jerry: ...Alright, alright, I saw her!
Jerry: And she was beautiful in that bra! I'm crazy about her! I love her whole free swinging, free wheeling attitude!
Judge (Banging His Gavel): This court will come to order!
Jackie: No further questions, your honor.
Judge: You may step down.
Jackie: Well Kramer, I think we got this wrapped up.
Kramer: Yeah, yeah...What's your read, Stan?
Stan: You're close, you're on the green. You just have to go for the cup.
Kramer: What do you mean?
Stan: Have her try on the bra, see if it fits.
Jackie: No, no, no, no!
Kramer: Do it, Jackie. Stan's the man.
Jackie: Stan? Who the hell is Stan?
Kramer: He's my caddy.
Jackie: You're caddy?!? This is a big mistake!
Kramer: Gu-gu- cada-
Jackie: Your honor, we request at this time, that Miss Mishke...try on the bra.
Judge: (bangs the gavel twice)This court will come to order! Go ahead Miss Mishke, try it on.
Sue Ellen: Uhhh-Ah, it doesn't fit...I, I-I can't put it on.
Jackie (To Kramer And Stan): Damn fools! Look at that! We got nothin' now, nothin'! I've been practicing law for 25 years, you're listenin' to a caddy!
Kramer: OK, OK-
Jackie : This is a public humiliation! You can't let the defendant, have control of the key piece of evidence. Plus, she's trying it on over a leotard, of course a bra's not gonna fit on over a leotard. A bras gotta fit right up against a person's skin, like a glove!
Woman #1: Oh, hey, Elaine, how 'bout some lunch?
Elaine: Oh, no, I-I don't think so.
Woman #2: Great job on the Gatzby Swing Top. It's a winner.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Woman #1: Are you sure you don't wanna go? We have reservations.
Elaine: Oh, I don't think you'll have any trouble gettin' a table.
Woman #1: Ciao.
Woman #2: Ba-bye.