{"text": "Monica Geller: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!\nChandler Bing: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, does he eat chalk?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!\nMonica Geller: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.\nChandler Bing: Sounds like a date to me.\nChandler Bing: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.\nEveryone: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.\nChandler Bing: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Instead of...?\nChandler Bing: That's right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Never had that dream.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nChandler Bing: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.\nMonica Geller: And they weren't looking at you before?!\nChandler Bing: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay, sweetie?\nRoss Geller: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...\nChandler Bing: Cookie?\nMonica Geller: Carol moved her stuff out today.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh.\nMonica Geller: Let me get you some coffee.\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! Oh!\nRoss Geller: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! Be murky!\nRoss Geller: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.\nMonica Geller: No you don't.\nRoss Geller: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!\nJoey Tribbiani: And you never knew she was a lesbian...\nRoss Geller: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?\nChandler Bing: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... Did I say that out loud?\nRoss Geller: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.\nMonica Geller: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., \"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren.\" was what? A wrong number?\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!\nRoss Geller: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!\nChandler Bing: And I just want a million dollars!\nMonica Geller: Rachel?!\nRachel Green: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!\nWaitress: Can I get you some coffee?\nMonica Geller: De-caff. Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?\nRachel Green: Hi, sure!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?\nRachel Green: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.\nMonica Geller: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...\nMonica Geller: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.\nChandler Bing: Tuna or egg salad? Decide!\nRoss Geller: I'll have whatever Christine is having.\nRachel Green: Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!\nPhoebe Buffay: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.\nJoey Tribbiani: I say push her down the stairs.\nRachel Green: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!\nRoss Geller: You can see where he'd have trouble.\nRachel Green: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.\nMonica Geller: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...\nRachel Green: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!\nMonica Geller: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...\nPhoebe Buffay: Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...\nRachel Green: I'm all better now.\nPhoebe Buffay: I helped!\nMonica Geller: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.\nMonica Geller: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!\nJoey Tribbiani: What, like there's a rule or something?\nChandler Bing: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.\nPaul the Wine Guy: It's, uh, it's Paul.\nMonica Geller: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's Paul?\nRoss Geller: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?\nMonica Geller: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?\nRoss Geller: He finally asked you out?\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nChandler Bing: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.\nMonica Geller: Rach, wait, I can cancel...\nRachel Green: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!\nMonica Geller: Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?\nRoss Geller: That'd be good...\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRoss Geller: No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot?\nMonica Geller: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. ... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.\nEveryone: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?\nMonica Geller: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just-I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...\nRoss Geller: A wandering?\nMonica Geller: Change! Okay, sit down. Two seconds.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Paul!\nPaul the Wine Guy: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.\nMonica Geller: Shut up, Joey!\nRoss Geller: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?\nRachel Green: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!\nRoss Geller: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and we're very excited about it.\nRachel Green: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.\nRoss Geller: Okay, sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- Thank you. La-la-la-la...ohhh!\nRoss Geller: I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.\nChandler Bing: It's a beautiful thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's this?\nChandler Bing: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.\nJoey Tribbiani: Which goes where?\nChandler Bing: I have no idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: Done with the bookcase!\nChandler Bing: All finished!\nRoss Geller: This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.\nChandler Bing: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?\nRoss Geller: You guys.\nChandler Bing: Oh, God.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got screwed.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPaul the Wine Guy: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?\nMonica Geller: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?\nPaul the Wine Guy: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-\nMonica Geller: -leg?\nPaul the Wine Guy: That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.\nMonica Geller: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.\nPaul the Wine Guy: Ooh, steer clear of you.\nMonica Geller: That's right.\nRachel Green: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too...\nRoss Geller: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!\nJoey Tribbiani: Shut up!\nChandler Bing: You must stop!\nRoss Geller: That only took me an hour.\nChandler Bing: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!\nRoss Geller: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!\nRoss Geller: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.\nChandler Bing: Stay out of my freezer!\nPaul the Wine Guy: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...\nMonica Geller: What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?\nPaul the Wine Guy: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.\nMonica Geller: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?\nPaul the Wine Guy: Isn't there?\nMonica Geller: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?\nPaul the Wine Guy: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. ...Sexually.\nMonica Geller: Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...\nPaul the Wine Guy: It's okay...\nMonica Geller: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?\nPaul the Wine Guy: Two years.\nMonica Geller: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!\nPaul the Wine Guy: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?\nMonica Geller: ...Yeah. Yeah, I do.\nPriest On Tv: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.\nRachel Green: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!\nRoss Geller: Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea-Angela-Andrea... Oh man,\nChandler Bing: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask?\nRachel Green: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.\nChandler Bing: That is amazing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Congratulations.\nRachel Green: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.\nChandler Bing: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... Although actually I'm really not that hungry...\nMonica Geller: Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.\nEveryone: Morning. Good morning.\nPaul the Wine Guy: Morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning, Paul.\nRachel Green: Hello, Paul.\nChandler Bing: Hi, Paul, is it?\nPaul the Wine Guy: Thank you! Thank you so much!\nMonica Geller: Stop!\nPaul the Wine Guy: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.\nMonica Geller: We'll talk later.\nPaul the Wine Guy: Yeah. Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?\nMonica Geller: Shut up, and put my table back.\nEveryone: Okayyy!\nChandler Bing: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...\nRachel Green: So, like, you guys all have jobs?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'm an actor.\nRachel Green: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.\nMonica Geller: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it was a job all right?\nChandler Bing: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'\nJoey Tribbiani: I will not take this abuse.\nChandler Bing: You're right, I'm sorry. \"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy...\"\nJoey Tribbiani: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler?\nMonica Geller: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.\nRachel Green: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.\nMonica Geller: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah.\nMonica Geller: Well, it's like that. With feelings.\nRachel Green: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.\nMonica Geller: Big time!\nRachel Green: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.\nMonica Geller: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.\nRachel Green: Oh, look, wish me luck!\nMonica Geller: What for?\nRachel Green: I'm gonna go get one of those job things.\nFranny: Hey, Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?\nFranny: You had sex, didn't you?\nMonica Geller: How do you do that?\nFranny: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?\nMonica Geller: You know Paul?\nFranny: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.\nMonica Geller: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?\nFranny: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course it was a line!\nMonica Geller: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?\nRoss Geller: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.\nMonica Geller: I hate men! I hate men!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.\nMonica Geller: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.\nMonica Geller: I just thought he was nice, y'know?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!\nRachel Green: Guess what?\nRoss Geller: You got a job?\nRachel Green: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.\nChandler Bing: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.\nRachel Green: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!\nChandler Bing: Oh, how well you know me...\nRachel Green: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!\nMonica Geller: How'd you pay for them?\nRachel Green: Uh, credit card.\nMonica Geller: And who pays for that?\nRachel Green: Um... my... father.\nRachel Green: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.\nMonica Geller: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.\nRachel Green: I know that. That's why I was getting married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.\nRoss Geller: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...\nMonica Geller: All right, you ready?\nRachel Green: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? \"Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?\" Come on, I can't do this!\nMonica Geller: You can, I know you can!\nRachel Green: I don't think so.\nRoss Geller: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything!\nRoss Geller: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...\nEveryone: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut...\nRachel Green: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...\nMonica Geller: Rachel! That was a library card!\nEveryone: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..\nChandler Bing: Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.\nMonica Geller: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!\nMonica Geller: Well, that's it You gonna crash on the couch?\nRoss Geller: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.\nMonica Geller: You be okay?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. What?\nMonica Geller: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.\nRoss Geller: Mmm. Oh, no-\nRachel Green: Sorry-\nRoss Geller: No no no, go-\nRachel Green: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-\nRoss Geller: Split it?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay. You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.\nRachel Green: I knew.\nRoss Geller: You did! Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.\nRachel Green: I did.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe...\nRoss Geller: Okay... okay, maybe I will...\nRachel Green: Goodnight.\nRoss Geller: Goodnight.\nMonica Geller: See ya... Waitwait, what's with you?\nRoss Geller: I just grabbed a spoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe what I'm hearing here...\nMonica Geller: What? I-I said you had a-\nPhoebe Buffay: What I said you had...\nMonica Geller: Would you stop?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, was I doing it again?\nEveryone: Yes!\nMonica Geller: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.\nRoss Geller: There's an image.\nRachel Green: Would anybody like more coffee?\nChandler Bing: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?\nRachel Green: I'm just serving it.\nEveryone: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.\nChandler Bing: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas.\nCustomer: Ahh, miss? More coffee?\nRachel Green: Ugh. Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? Go ahead. Thank you. Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, right!...Y'serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah!\nRachel Green: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.\nMonica Geller: Absolutely.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.\nChandler Bing: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: ...Are we still talking about sex?\nRoss Geller: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?\nMarsha: Well, she has issues.\nRoss Geller: Does she.\nMarsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!\nRoss Geller: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?\nMarsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?\nRoss Geller: No. No.\nMarsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, yes, it is. How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nCarol Willick: So.\nRoss Geller: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.\nCarol Willick: Sorry. You look good too.\nRoss Geller: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...\nCarol Willick: A lesbian?\nRoss Geller: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?\nCarol Willick: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-\nRoss Geller: Why- why are you here, Carol?\nCarol Willick: I'm pregnant.\nRoss Geller: Pregnant?!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.\nPhoebe Buffay: ...Then I've already seen this one!\nMonica Geller: Are you through with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.\nMonica Geller: Whose little ball of paper is this?!\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... ...now I wish I was dead.\nPhoebe Buffay: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- -but, it's fine!\nMonica Geller: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.\nMonica Geller: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.\nChandler Bing: Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!\nEveryone: Eeaagh!\nRachel Green: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's beautiful.\nRachel Green: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, look, don't touch that!\nRachel Green: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...\nMonica Geller: Easy Rach, we'll find it. Won't we!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?\nPhoebe Buffay: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!\nChandler Bing: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...\nRachel Green: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...\nChandler Bing: ...Dinah?\nRachel Green: Ohhhhh, don't be mad...\nMonica Geller: You didn't.\nRachel Green: Oh, I am sorry...\nMonica Geller: I gave you one job!\nRachel Green: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!\nChandler Bing: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...\nMonica Geller: I just... can't do it.\nChandler Bing: Boys? We're going in.\nRoss Geller: ...Hi.\nMonica Geller: Wow. That is not a happy hi.\nRoss Geller: Carol's pregnant.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! I found it!\nMonica Geller: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now.\nChandler Bing: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?\nRachel Green: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?\nRoss Geller: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: She is so great! I miss her.\nMonica Geller: What does she mean by 'involved'?\nChandler Bing: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.\nRachel Green: So what are you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.\nJoey Tribbiani: ...Well, this is still ruined, right?\nJudy Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. Mmm! What's that curry taste?\nMonica Geller: Curry.\nJudy Geller: Mmmm!\nRoss Geller: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.\nRoss Geller: Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?\nJudy Geller: They all had a thing for him.\nRoss Geller: Aw, Mom...\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?\nJudy Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-\nMonica Geller: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.\nJudy Geller: Well, they don't have to know that...\nMonica Geller: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJudy Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's... easy.\nMonica Geller: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.\nJudy Geller: What that Rachel did to her life... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.\nRoss Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!\nJudy Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...\nMonica Geller: What's that supposed to mean?\nJudy Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.\nMonica Geller: No it's not.\nRoss Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...\nRoss Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.\nRoss Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.\nMonica Geller: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay. Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.\nJudy Geller: And you knew about this?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Your folks are really that bad, huh?\nRoss Geller: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.\nMonica Geller: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- -I'd want yours.\nRoss Geller: Must pee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.\nRachel Green: You're twins?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.\nChandler Bing: What does she do?\nPhoebe Buffay: She's a waitress.\nRachel Green: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.\nChandler Bing: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.\nRachel Green: The lights, please..\nRoss Geller: ...How long was I in there?\nRachel Green: I'm just cleaning up.\nRoss Geller: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?\nRachel Green: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Anyway.. um.. So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?\nRachel Green: Oh.. a little..\nRoss Geller: Mm-hmm..\nRachel Green: A lot.\nRoss Geller: Mm.\nRachel Green: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?\nRoss Geller: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...\nRachel Green: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?\nRoss Geller: Got me.\nRachel Green: Remember when we were in high school together?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? ..Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes!\nRachel Green: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here..\nRoss Geller: Me either...\nRoss Geller: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.\nSusan Bunch: Hi.\nCarol Willick: Ross, you remember Susan.\nRoss Geller: How could I forget?\nSusan Bunch: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hello, Susan. Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?\nCarol Willick: Dr. Oberman.\nRoss Geller: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-\nSusan Bunch: She.\nRoss Geller: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?\nCarol Willick: Yes, and she's very supportive.\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's great. No, I'm- Oh.\nCarol Willick: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Quack, quack..\nCarol Willick: Ross? That opens my cervix.\nRachel Green: Barry?\nBarry Farber: C'mon in.\nRachel Green: Are you sure?\nBarry Farber: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.\nRobbie: Huh?!\nBarry Farber: So, how ya doin?\nRachel Green: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!\nBarry Farber: Yeah, well..\nBernice: Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.\nBarry Farber: Be right there. Be back in a sec.\nRachel Green: I dumped him.\nRobbie: Okay.\nRoss Geller: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?\nCarol Willick: Give me a 'for instance'.\nRoss Geller: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?\nCarol Willick: Marlon-\nRoss Geller: Marlon?!\nCarol Willick: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.\nRoss Geller: ...As in Mouse?\nCarol Willick: As in my grandmother.\nRoss Geller: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?\nCarol Willick: Julia..\nSusan Bunch: We agreed on Minnie.\nRoss Geller: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?\nBarry Farber: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?\nRachel Green: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.\nBarry Farber: Oh, that's great.\nRachel Green: Why are- why are you so tanned?\nBarry Farber: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.\nRachel Green: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?\nBarry Farber: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.\nRobbie: Me?!\nBarry Farber: No! I went with Mindy.\nRachel Green: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!\nBarry Farber: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.\nRachel Green: Oh! Well, um.. You've got plugs!\nBarry Farber: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.\nRachel Green: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!\nBarry Farber: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.\nRachel Green: Okay..\nBarry Farber: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.\nRachel Green: Wow.\nBarry Farber: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.\nRachel Green: What?\nRobbie: Me.\nRachel Green: Anyway, um, I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.\nBarry Farber: Well, thank you for giving it back.\nRobbie: Hello?!\nSusan Bunch: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?\nRoss Geller: Helen Geller? I don't think so.\nCarol Willick: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nCarol Willick: No, I mean it's not Geller.\nRoss Geller: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?\nCarol Willick: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.\nRoss Geller: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?\nSusan Bunch: It's my baby too.\nRoss Geller: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.\nSusan Bunch: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!\nCarol Willick: All right, you two, stop it!\nRoss Geller: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.\nCarol Willick: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.\nRoss Geller: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.\nSusan Bunch: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!\nRoss Geller: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-\nDr. Oberman: Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?\nEveryone: Yeah. Yeah. A little.\nDr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. Uh, lie back..\nRoss Geller: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nSusan Bunch: Look at that.\nCarol Willick: I know.\nRoss Geller: Well? Isn't that amazing?\nJoey Tribbiani: What are we supposed to be seeing here?\nChandler Bing: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.\nRoss Geller: Then don't do that, alright?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Monica. Whaddya think?\nMonica Geller: Mm-hmm.\nRoss Geller: Wh- are you welling up?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: You are, you're welling up.\nMonica Geller: Am not!\nRoss Geller: You're gonna be an aunt.\nMonica Geller: Oh shut up!\nRachel Green: Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hi guys!\nEveryone: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'\nEveryone: Ohh. Ouch.\nRachel Green: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?\nMonica Geller: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.\nRachel Green: Since when?\nJoey Tribbiani: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.\nChandler Bing: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.\nRachel Green: And everybody knows this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Cushions the blow.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.\nRoss Geller: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.\nMonica Geller: Uh, Ross.\nRoss Geller: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- ...Oh my God, Chi Chi!\nChandler Bing: \"So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die.\"\nChandler Bing: Hey, that was really good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks! Let's keep going.\nChandler Bing: Okay. \"So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke.\"\nChandler Bing: \"Smoke away.\"\nChandler Bing: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Relax your hand!\nChandler Bing: Not so much!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoah!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Alright, now try taking a puff.\nChandler Bing: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.\nChandler Bing: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.\nChandler Bing: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'miss it?\nChandler Bing: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. Oh.. my.. God.\nMonica Geller: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's ridiculous!\nRoss Geller: Can I use.. either thumb?\nRachel Green: Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!\nEveryone: Yeah. Yeah, excellent.\nRachel Green: Good for me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'okay, Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.\nMonica Geller: What did they do to you?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-\nRoss Geller: Easy.\nPhoebe Buffay: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.\nChandler Bing: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? Keep it!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing.\nRachel Green: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...\nMonica Geller: We're with you. We got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.\nRachel Green: Chandler, what are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Hey. Whaddya doing?\nEveryone: Oh! Oh, God!\nRoss Geller: What is this?!\nChandler Bing: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!\nChandler Bing: And this- is my reward!\nRoss Geller: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so this time I won't quit!\nEveryone: Ohhh! Put it out!\nChandler Bing: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!\nMonica Geller: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date.\nRachel Green: This Alan again? How's it goin'?\nMonica Geller: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: So when do we get to meet the guy?\nMonica Geller: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.\nEveryone: Oh, come on! Come on!\nMonica Geller: No. Not after what happened with Steve.\nChandler Bing: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out.\nRachel Green: Well, then can we meet him?\nMonica Geller: Nope. Schhorry.\nMonica Geller: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.\nPaula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.\nMonica Geller: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.\nPaula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..\nJoey Tribbiani: Let it go, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.\nMonica Geller: Do you all promise?\nEveryone: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!\nMonica Geller: Chandler? Do you promise to be good?\nJoey Tribbiani: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!\nRoss Geller: Hey, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!\nRachel Green: What bank is this?\nMonica Geller: Hey. It's him. Who is it?\nAlan: It's Alan.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler! He's here!\nMonica Geller: Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.\nAlan: Hi.\nEveryone: Hi, Alan.\nAlan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!\nMonica Geller: Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?\nMonica Geller: C'mon!\nRoss Geller: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.\nEveryone: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?\nEveryone: Yeah!\nRachel Green: And did you notice...?\nThe Guys: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!\nRoss Geller: ...What shoe?\nPhoebe Buffay: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'\nRoss Geller: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.\nRachel Green: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.\nMonica Geller: Really!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right?\nRoss Geller: You know what I like most about him, though?\nEveryone: What?\nRoss Geller: The way he makes me feel about myself.\nEveryone: Yeah...\nMonica Geller: Hi.. how was the game?\nRoss Geller: Well..\nEveryone: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!\nMonica Geller: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?\nJoey Tribbiani: Alan.\nRoss Geller: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...\nRachel Green: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.\nChandler Bing: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..\nMonica Geller: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?\nRachel Green: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.\nChandler Bing: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Lizzie.\nLizzy: Hey, Weird Girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: I brought you alphabet soup.\nLizzy: Did you pick out the vowels?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, \"sometimes y\". Uh, I also have something else for you.\nLizzy: Saltines?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?\nLizzy: What? Oh my God, there's really money in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nLizzy: Weird Girl, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.\nLizzy: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that's fine, no.\nLizzy: Would you like my tin-foil hat?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.\nLizzy: Please, let me do something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?\nLizzy: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nLizzy: Keep the change. Sure you don't wanna pretzel?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm fine.\nLizzy: See ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh!\nRoss Geller: A thumb?!\nEveryone: Eww!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?\nPhoebe Buffay: Does, um, anyone wanna see?\nEveryone: Nooo!\nEveryone: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!\nRachel Green: It's worse than the thumb!\nChandler Bing: Hey, this is so unfair!\nMonica Geller: Oh, why is it unfair?\nChandler Bing: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I could live without it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?\nRoss Geller: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, \"you do, do you\"?\nRoss Geller: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.\nRachel Green: \"Indeed there isn't\"... I should really get back to work.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.\nRachel Green: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.\nMonica Geller: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?\nPaula: No.\nMonica Geller: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.\nPaula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!\nMonica Geller: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.\nPaula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him!\nMonica Geller: I know.. it's gonna be really hard.\nPaula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.\nMonica Geller: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you have any respect for your body?\nRoss Geller: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.\nRachel Green: Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.\nChandler Bing: Really? He does? Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks!\nRachel Green: God, he's good.\nRoss Geller: If only he were a woman.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.\nRoss Geller: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Where's Joey?\nChandler Bing: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?\nRachel Green: I think he's across the hall.\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: There y'go.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I might!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.\nEveryone: You're kidding. Oh my God.\nPhoebe Buffay: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..\nRachel Green: Uh, Joey..\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, God!\nMonica Geller: Okay..\nEveryone: Oh! That was Lambchop!\nMonica Geller: Please, guys, we have to talk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not.\nMonica Geller: Alright, we have to talk.\nPhoebe Buffay: There it is!\nMonica Geller: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.\nRoss Geller: Is there somebody else?\nMonica Geller: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.\nRachel Green: We didn't change..\nJoey Tribbiani: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-\nMonica Geller: Look, I- I could go on pretending-\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nMonica Geller: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!\nRoss Geller: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry..\nChandler Bing: Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!\nRachel Green: I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-\nMonica Geller: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.\nEveryone: Oh, yeah! Right!\nMonica Geller: Are you guys gonna be okay?\nRoss Geller: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.\nMonica Geller: I understand.\nAlan: Wow.\nMonica Geller: I'm, I'm really sorry.\nAlan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.\nMonica Geller: Relieved?\nAlan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.\nRachel Green: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. He could row like a viking.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nEveryone: Mmm.\nRoss Geller: So how'd it go?\nMonica Geller: Oh, y'know..\nPhoebe Buffay: Did he mention us?\nMonica Geller: He said he's really gonna miss you guys.\nRoss Geller: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere.\nChandler Bing: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.\nEveryone: No no no!\nChandler Bing: I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!\nPhoebe Buffay: If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, alright."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Alright. Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?\nChandler Bing: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.\nRachel Green: See, there's always one guy. \"If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes.\"\nEveryone: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself!\nMonica Geller: ..Excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!\nRoss Geller: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.\nJoey Tribbiani: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..\nMonica Geller: How does she do that?\nRoss Geller: I cannot sleep in a public place.\nMonica Geller: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! What what what! ...Hi.\nRoss Geller: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.\nMonica Geller: What's going on with you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I got no sleep last night!\nRoss Geller: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!\nMonica Geller: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.\nChandler Bing: You got waaaay too much free time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.\nChandler Bing: Happy birthday, pal!\nJoey Tribbiani: We love you, man.\nRoss Geller: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: So?\nRoss Geller: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?\nChandler Bing: Well, aren't we Mr. \"The glass is half empty.\"\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.\nRoss Geller: Ohhh.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's wrong with the twentieth?\nChandler Bing: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?\nRoss Geller: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.\nJoey Tribbiani: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!\nChandler Bing: C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, Huh? Huh? Huh?\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: I have no idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, Ross!\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?\nChandler Bing: You got it.\nRachel Green: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!\nPhoebe Buffay: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.\nMonica Geller: Wow, you worked in a mine?\nPhoebe Buffay: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?\nRachel Green: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.\nChandler Bing: Oh, this is not that bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.\nRoss Geller: You can totally, totally live on this.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.\nEveryone: Oh! Yeah!\nGuys: Hockey! Hockey! Hockey.\nLeslie: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.\nRachel Green: What are you guys doing here?\nKiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!\nJoanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.\nRachel Green: Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!\nLeslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.\nRachel Green: So what's going on with you?\nJoanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm?\nKiki: And while we're on the subject of news..\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, look, I have elbows!\nChandler Bing: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch!\nJoey Tribbiani: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass!\nChandler Bing: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.\nRoss Geller: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- Sorry. Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: Peach pit.\nChandler Bing: Yes, Bunny?\nRoss Geller: Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-\nJoey Tribbiani: -Peaches?\nRoss Geller: Actually, nectarines, but basically...\nChandler Bing: Could've been a peach.\nRoss Geller: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- -the bus stop... I'm fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.\nRachel Green: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!\nKiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar!\nJoanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoanne: When are you coming home?\nRachel Green: What? Guys, I'm not.\nJoanne: C'mon, this is us.\nRachel Green: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-\nKiki: Waitressing?\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.\nLeslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch?\nRachel Green: What's that?\nMonica Geller: Weeeell, it's rum, and-\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!\nMonica Geller: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people.\nRachel Green: Oh, God, ask them what they want.\nMonica Geller: Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on. Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.\nRachel Green: But I haven't used my card in weeks!\nMonica Geller: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.\nRachel Green: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?\nMonica Geller: Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back?\nRachel Green: Alright, c'mon! Let's play Twister!\nRoss Geller: Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.\nChandler Bing: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?\nRoss Geller: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.\nMonica Geller: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing!\nRachel Green: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?\nPhoebe Buffay: You are just like Jack.\nRachel Green: ...Jack from downstairs?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.\nMonica Geller: Ah, the other Jack.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..\nRachel Green: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.\nRachel Green: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...\nPhoebe Buffay: Floopy?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, like that's a word.\nRachel Green: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together?\nMonica Geller: ...Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well... 'cause... you just... I don't like this question.\nRachel Green: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?\nRoss Geller: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!\nChandler Bing: See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.\nRoss Geller: Pass it! Pass it!\nChandler Bing: He's open!\nEveryone: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!\nChandler Bing: 'Scuse me.\nReceptionist: It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.\nChandler Bing: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room.\nReceptionist: Hold on. Fill these out, sit over there.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.\nReceptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, how long do you think it'll be?\nReceptionist: Any minute now.\nRoss Geller: Hey, this- Heyy...\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.\nMonica Geller: No, you were right. I don't have a plan.\nPizza Guy: Pizza guy!\nRachel Green: Thank God. Food.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: Do you have a plan?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't even have a 'pl'.\nPizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?\nRachel Green: No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.\nPizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me!\nMonica Geller: Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'\nPizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!\nMonica Geller: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?\nPizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right.\nMonica Geller: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?\nPhoebe Buffay: And-and a power tie?\nPizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.\nMonica Geller: Oh God.\nPizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back?\nMonica Geller: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza!\nRachel Green: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?\nPhoebe Buffay: Big Bird's friend.\nMonica Geller: I see pizza!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!\nRachel Green: Hello? Who are we spying on?\nMonica Geller: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?\nRachel Green: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.\nMonica Geller: Please tell me it's his mother.\nPhoebe Buffay: Definitely not his mother.\nMonica Geller: Oh, no...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- Hey, that's not for you, bitch!\nChandler Bing: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. Ba-!\nMonica Geller: Light still out?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.\nRachel Green: Oh please, they're having sex.\nRachel Green: So, whaddya think George is like?\nMonica Geller: I think he's shy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.\nRoss Geller: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.\nChandler Bing: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?\nJoey Tribbiani: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.\nRoss Geller: Look, it's just a little more complicated...\nChandler Bing: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?\nRoss Geller: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...\nChandler Bing: Then what?\nRoss Geller: My first time with Carol was...\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: It was my first time.\nJoey Tribbiani: With Carol? Oh.\nChandler Bing: So in your whole life, you've only been with one oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.\nMonica Geller: What?! You slept with Jason?\nPhoebe Buffay: You'd already broken up.\nRachel Green: How long?\nPhoebe Buffay: A couple hours.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's nice!\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.\nMonica Geller: Excuse me?!\nRachel Green: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? She was a big girl.\nMonica Geller: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!\nRachel Green: I was laughing! You made me laugh!\nPhoebe Buffay: There he is! There he is!\nMonica Geller: Where?\nPhoebe Buffay: Right- where we've been looking all night!\nRachel Green: He is so cute!\nMonica Geller: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!\nEveryone: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the wowww.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?\nChandler Bing: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nChandler Bing: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak..\nBoth: Hey, buddy.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nReceptionist: Oh, that's attractive.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.\nRoss Geller: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ah- the kid has it.\nRoss Geller: The kid...? Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.\nKid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.\nChandler Bing: You gotta do it, man.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever can't do it. Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.\nKid: No.\nRoss Geller: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!\nKid: No! No!\nReceptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!\nRoss Geller: GIVE ME MY PUCK!!\nRoss Geller: ...Now that was fun.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Monica: Right foot red.\nMonica Geller: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. Good.\nChandler Bing: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?\nChandler Bing: Alright. Yes, this is Rachel.\nRachel Green: Nooo! Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.\nRoss Geller: Green. To the green.\nRachel Green: I've got magic beans. Never-never mind.\nChandler Bing: To the left, to the left- aww!\nRachel Green: Ohhh... I'm fine."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.\nRoss Geller: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?\nRachel Green: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.\nChandler Bing: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.\nRoss Geller: Multiple orgasms!\nChandler Bing: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!\nJoey Tribbiani: No plans, huh?\nChandler Bing: Not a one.\nRoss Geller: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?\nChandler Bing: Oh, right, right, shut up.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.\nChandler Bing: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.\nChandler Bing: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.\nRoss Geller: Tony?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.\nRachel Green: Does anybody want anything else?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?\nRachel Green: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.\nRoss Geller: That guy, he burns me up.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.\nMonica Geller: Did he give you that whole \"You're-not-up-to-this\" thing again?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of \"You'll never make it on your own\".\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, uh-huh.\nAngela Delveccio: Hi, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: My god, Angela.\nMonica Geller: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you gonna go over there?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. Hey, Angela.\nAngela Delveccio: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: You look good.\nAngela Delveccio: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't say.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?\nRachel Green: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?\nRachel Green: Who?\nRoss Geller: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?\nRachel Green: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?\nRoss Geller: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?\nRachel Green: Sure.\nAngela Delveccio: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?\nAngela Delveccio: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.\nAngela Delveccio: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nAngela Delveccio: We're just friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?\nAngela Delveccio: What four of us?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.\nMonica Geller: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is...\nMonica Geller: Oh, god help us.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nMonica Geller: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww!\nJoey Tribbiani: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.\nMonica Geller: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?\nRoss Geller: Ok, bye. Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?\nRoss Geller: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.\nChandler Bing: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.\nRoss Geller: Nuh-uh.\nChandler Bing: Yuh-huh.\nRoss Geller: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?\nChandler Bing: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty?\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.\nChandler Bing: There you go.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep.\nMonica Geller: Which?\nJoey Tribbiani: Which what?\nMonica Geller: You've never met Bob, have you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but he's...\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...\nAngela Delveccio: Hey, Joey.\nMonica Geller: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.\nChandler Bing: Where are they? Where are they?\nPhoebe Buffay: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.\nChandler Bing: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eww, I don't wanna do that.\nChandler Bing: Here we go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, have a good break-up.\nChandler Bing: Hey, Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.\nChandler Bing: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping... ... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...\nChandler Bing: What?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What?\nChandler Bing: What... did you get me there?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I got you...these.\nChandler Bing: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.\nChandler Bing: That's great.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No, no, I'm still working on mine.\nChandler Bing: That's it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it was really hard.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, you weren't there.\nWoman: Comin' through. Move, move.\nRachel Green: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.\nWoman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.\nRachel Green: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.\nWoman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.\nRachel Green: What?\nWoman: No suds, no save. Ok?\nRoss Geller: What's goin' on?\nRachel Green: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine.\nRoss Geller: Was your basket on top?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but, there were no suds.\nRoss Geller: So?\nRachel Green: Well, you know, no suds, no save.\nRoss Geller: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. That's my friend's machine.\nWoman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.\nRoss Geller: All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. Ok, let's do laundry.\nRachel Green: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.\nRoss Geller: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.\nRachel Green: What's that?\nRoss Geller: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.\nRoss Geller: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?\nRachel Green: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?\nRoss Geller: Rach, have you never done this before?\nRachel Green: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.\nRoss Geller: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.\nRachel Green: Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?\nRoss Geller: Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call.\nMonica Geller: He is so cute. So, where did you guys grow up?\nAngela Delveccio: Brooklyn Heights.\nBob: Cleveland.\nMonica Geller: How, how did that happen?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my god.\nMonica Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you and Angela, huh?\nBob: Yep. Pretty much.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.\nBob: Huh, I never really noticed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.\nBob: Monica, Monica is great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.\nMonica Geller: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.\nAngela Delveccio: Yeah, isn't he?\nMonica Geller: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.\nAngela Delveccio: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.\nMonica Geller: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.\nAngela Delveccio: Huh. That's nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.\nChandler Bing: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: All right. Well, there you go. Stop it, stop it, stop it.\nRachel Green: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.\nRoss Geller: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross... Uh-oh.\nRachel Green: What uh-oh?\nRoss Geller: Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.\nRachel Green: Ross, what's the matter?\nRoss Geller: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.\nRachel Green: Come on, show me.\nRoss Geller: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.\nRachel Green: Oh, everything's pink.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.\nRachel Green: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!\nMonica Geller: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?\nMonica Geller: Oh my god.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nMonica Geller: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, they're close.\nMonica Geller: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.\nMonica Geller: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it'snot really true, is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, what were you thinking?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.\nMonica Geller: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ow!\nMonica Geller: I'm outta here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.\nMonica Geller: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.\nChandler Bing: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, ... boom.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ow!\nChandler Bing: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back.\nChandler Bing: I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god. How many of those have you had?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I don't know, a million?\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.\nChandler Bing: I'm fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nChandler Bing: I'm not fine. Here she comes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait here. Breathe.\nChandler Bing: How do you do that?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's like a gift.\nChandler Bing: We should always always break up together.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'd like that.\nRoss Geller: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.\nRachel Green: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.\nRachel Green: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.\nWoman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart.\nWoman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it.\nRachel Green: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules!\nWoman: Let go!\nRachel Green: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!\nRachel Green: Yes! Did you see that?\nRoss Geller: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.\nRachel Green: I could not have done this without you.\nRoss Geller: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? I'm fine, I'm fine.\nRachel Green: Are you sure?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Oh, are you sure you're ok?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Does it still hurt?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, how'd it go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent.\nMonica Geller: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.\nRoss Geller: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Where's Chandler?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.\nChandler Bing: I'm free! I'm free!\nPhoebe Buffay: That oughta do it."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!\nChandler Bing: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...\nPhoebe Buffay: The exclamation point in the title scares me. Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!\nRoss Geller: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear.\nJoey Tribbiani: All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...\nRachel Green: God. I feel violated.\nMonica Geller: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?\nChandler Bing: Ross, ten o'clock.\nRoss Geller: Is it? Feels like two.\nChandler Bing: No, ten o'clock.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!\nRoss Geller: Oh. Hel-lo!\nChandler Bing: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!\nMonica Geller: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'\nRachel Green: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!\nChandler Bing: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.\nRoss Geller: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.\nChandler Bing: Thank you, buddy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.\nMonica Geller: You could do that!\nChandler Bing: Y'think?\nEveryone: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...\nRoss Geller: C'mon! C'mon!\nChandler Bing: Here goes.\nAurora: ...Yes?\nChandler Bing: Hi... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh... ...hi.\nAurora: Yes, you said that.\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight.\nAurora: Chandler?\nEveryone: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whadja think?\nEveryone: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.\nEveryone: Saw your head. Saw your head.\nChandler Bing: She said yes!! She said yes!! Awful play, man. Whoah. Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you.\nRachel Green: What is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!\nChandler Bing: Hey, kids.\nEveryone: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.\nChandler Bing: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.\nMonica Geller: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?\nChandler Bing: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...\nAurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.\nChandler Bing: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.\nChandler Bing: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.\nAurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?\nAurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's Rick?\nChandler Bing: Who's Rick?\nAurora: My husband.\nEveryone: Ooooohhh.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so you're divorced?\nAurora: No.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?\nAurora: No, I'm still married.\nChandler Bing: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?\nAurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.\nChandler Bing: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?\nAurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.\nEveryone: What?!\nChandler Bing: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?\nAurora: I suppose mainly sexual.\nChandler Bing: ...Hm.\nMonica Geller: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.\nChandler Bing: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?\nMonica Geller: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?\nRoss Geller: No, of course not! ...Yeah, yeah, it is.\nMonica Geller: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't do it.\nMonica Geller: Good for you, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.\nRoss Geller: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-\nRoss Geller: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.\nMonica Geller: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!\nEveryone: Yeah! C'mon!\nRoss Geller: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-\nRachel Green: Tah-daaah!\nChandler Bing: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.\nRachel Green: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.\nRachel Green: Well, whaddya think?\nEveryone: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!\nMonica Geller: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.\nEveryone: Uh-oh...\nMonica Geller: How-how did that happen?\nRachel Green: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.\nChandler Bing: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.\nMonica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!\nMonica Geller: That is so unfair!\nRoss Geller: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!\nMonica Geller: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.\nRoss Geller: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.\nMonica Geller: I could do that.\nRachel Green: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.\nMonica Geller: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.\nChandler Bing: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...\nMonica Geller: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?\nRoss Geller: Monica? You're Mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! That was my agent. My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!\nEveryone: Oh my God! Whoah!\nMonica Geller: Well, what's the part?\nJoey Tribbiani: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! \"I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Seriously, what-what's the part?\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!\"\nRoss Geller: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...I'm his\nRachel Green: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!\nChandler Bing: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!\nRoss Geller: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?\nMonica Geller: Alright, alright, alright...\nJoey Tribbiani: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.\nMonica Geller: For what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you!\nChandler Bing: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.\nMonica Geller: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!\nChandler Bing: C'mon, we're roommates! My eyes!! My eyes!!\nMonica Geller: I warned you...\nRachel Green: Who is being loud?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know..\nRachel Green: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?\nChandler Bing: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door?\nMonica Geller: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.\nDirector: ...Dammit, hire the girl! Okay, everybody ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.\nDirector: Lose the robe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me?\nDirector: That would work.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. And the robe is lost.\nDirector: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working .. and... action.\nDirector: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm- I'm showering.\nDirector: No, that was clenching.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.\nDirector: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action...and cut. What was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...\nChandler Bing: God, I love these fingers...\nAurora: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.\nAurora: Oh my God, I'm late.\nChandler Bing: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go..\nAurora: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Don't go.\nAurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.\nChandler Bing: Too bad, she's leaving.\nAurora: I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.\nChandler Bing: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.\nAurora: It's not Rick.\nChandler Bing: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!\nAurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.\nChandler Bing: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?\nAurora: He's... new.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?\nAurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.\nAurora: So what do you want?\nChandler Bing: You.\nAurora: You have me!\nChandler Bing: Nono, just you.\nAurora: Whaddyou mean?\nChandler Bing: Lose the other guys.\nAurora: ...Like, ...all of them?\nChandler Bing: C'mon, we're great together, why not?\nAurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.\nChandler Bing: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'\nAurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...\nAurora: Which one?\nChandler Bing: ...The second guy.\nAurora: Well, call me if you change your mind.\nChandler Bing: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.\nRoss Geller: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?\nEveryone: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nRoss Geller: No? What happened, big guy?\nChandler Bing: \"Big guy?\"\nRoss Geller: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.\nJoey Tribbiani: I got fired.\nEveryone: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.\nJoey Tribbiani: My mom will.\nChandler Bing: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!\nMonica Geller: Maybe this wasn't your shot.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, I was naked.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? That's so nice!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.\nEveryone: Night.\nRachel Green: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh!\nRachel Green: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?\nMonica Geller: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever.\nRoss Geller: She is a kook.\nMonica Geller: If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. OK, thank you very much.\nChandler Bing: Oh, great. This is just...\nRachel Green: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!\nMonica Geller: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.\nRachel Green: Wow, you guys, this is big.\nMonica Geller: Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. What's my number?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I never call me.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.\nJill Goodacre: Hi Mom, it's Jill.\nChandler Bing: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!\nJill Goodacre: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.\nChandler Bing: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.\nJill Goodacre: I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi everyone.\nRoss Geller: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.\nRachel Green: That had to hurt!\nChandler Bing: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!\nChandler Bing: There you go!\nChandler Bing: You're definitely scaring here.\nJill Goodacre: Would you like to call somebody?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks.\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nChandler Bing: Hey, it's me.\nMonica Geller: It's Chandler! Are you OK?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!\nMonica Geller: I have no idea what you just said.\nChandler Bing: Put Joey on the phone.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's up man?\nChandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Chandler, listen.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.\nRachel Green: Alright, somebody.\nMonica Geller: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.\nEveryone: Whoooaa!\nRoss Geller: That's my sister.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, what about you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh... Milwaukee.\nRachel Green: Um... Ross?\nRoss Geller: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'\nEveryone: No way!\nRoss Geller: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Oh come on, I already went.\nMonica Geller: You did not go!\nEveryone: Come on.\nRachel Green: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... ... oh, the foot of the bed.\nRoss Geller: Step back.\nJoey Tribbiani: We have a winner!\nRachel Green: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.\nRoss Geller: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.\nRachel Green: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.\nRoss Geller: Come on.\nRachel Green: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.\nRoss Geller: And you didn't marry him because...?\nRachel Green: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...\nRoss Geller: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.\nRachel Green: Yeah right.\nRoss Geller: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.\nRachel Green: OK.\nRoss Geller: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.\nRachel Green: You don't.\nRoss Geller: Uh-uh. See, I see... big passion in your future.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Mmmm.\nRachel Green: You do?\nRoss Geller: I do.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's never gonna happen.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: You and Rachel.\nRoss Geller: What? Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.\nRoss Geller: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...\nJoey Tribbiani: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.\nRoss Geller: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. What? What, now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...'\nRoss Geller: Shhhh!\nRachel Green: What are you shushing?\nRoss Geller: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. Don't you hear that?\nRachel Green: Ahhhh!\nRoss Geller: See?\nRachel Green: Huh.\nJill Goodacre: Would you like some gum?\nChandler Bing: Um, is it sugarless?\nJill Goodacre: Sorry, it's not.\nChandler Bing: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.\nPhoebe Buffay: New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy... la la la, la la, la la...\nRoss Geller: OK, here goes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you going to do it?\nRoss Geller: I'm going to do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you want any help?\nRoss Geller: You come out there, you're a dead man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck, man.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. OK.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, where are you going?\nMonica Geller: Outside.\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't go out there.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because of... the reason.\nMonica Geller: And that would be?\nJoey Tribbiani: I, um, can't tell you.\nMonica Geller: Joey, what's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.\nMonica Geller: About what?\nJoey Tribbiani: He's planning your birthday party.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! I love him!\nJoey Tribbiani: You'd better act surprised.\nPhoebe Buffay: About what?\nMonica Geller: My surprise party!\nPhoebe Buffay: What surprise party?\nMonica Geller: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he didn't tell me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.\nMonica Geller: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. Looks like I was second to last.\nRachel Green: Hmmm... this is so nice.\nRoss Geller: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.\nRachel Green: OK.\nRoss Geller: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um...\nRachel Green: Ohhh!!!!\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes, that's right...\nRachel Green: Oh, look at the little cat!\nRoss Geller: What? Ow!\nMonica Geller: This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry, that was wax.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.\nRoss Geller: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?\nRachel Green: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?\nRachel Green: Oh. Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.\nMr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: He seems to hate you. Are you sure?\nMr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute. What's his name?\nMr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.\nRachel Green: Bob Buttons?\nMr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh! You are a very bad man!\nMr. Heckles: You owe me a cat.\nRachel Green: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...\nPaolo: \nRachel Green: Wow.\nRoss Geller: Lucky sixes...\nRachel Green: Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: And Joey...\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: And Ross.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPaolo: \nRachel Green: He doesn't speak much English.\nPaolo: Monopoly!\nRachel Green: Look at that!\nRoss Geller: So, um... where did Paolo come from?\nRachel Green: Oh... Italy, I think.\nRoss Geller: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.\nRachel Green: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!\nRoss Geller: That, that is funny... ... and Rachel keeps touching him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.\nRachel Green: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.\nRachel Green: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.\nPaolo: \nPhoebe Buffay: You betcha!\nChandler Bing: Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.\nChandler Bing: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth.\nChandler Bing: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.\nJill Goodacre: Are you alright?\nJill Goodacre: My God, you're choking! That better?\nChandler Bing: Yes... thank you. That was... that was...\nJill Goodacre: Perfection?\nPaolo: \nRoss Geller: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah...\nRoss Geller: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?\nRachel Green: I have absolutely no idea.\nRoss Geller: That's... that's classic.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!\nMonica Geller: If you want, I'll do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. But I won't.\nRachel Green: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... ... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.\nRachel Green: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd...\nRoss Geller: Paolo. Hi.\nPaolo: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.\nPaolo: Thing?\nRoss Geller: Thing, yes. Thing.\nPaolo: Ah, you... have the sex?\nRoss Geller: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the... um...\nPaolo: Bed?\nRoss Geller: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.\nPaolo: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Se vice?\nPaolo: Si.\nRoss Geller: So you do know a little English.\nPaolo: Poco... a leetle.\nRoss Geller: Do you know the word crapweasel?\nPaolo: No.\nRoss Geller: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!\nJill Goodacre: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.\nChandler Bing: OK.\nJill Goodacre: Ready?\nJill Goodacre: No, you've got to whip it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... ... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48...\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Kinda... spooky without any lights.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bwah-hah-hah!\nRoss Geller: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...\nRoss Geller: Oh.. oh... oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.\nJill Goodacre: Well, this has been fun.\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.\nJill Goodacre: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. See ya.\nChandler Bing: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?\nShelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.\nChandler Bing: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...\nShelley: Do you want a date Saturday?\nChandler Bing: Yes please.\nShelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-\nChandler Bing: He's a he?\nShelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now... Okay, goodbye...\nChandler Bing: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?\nRachel Green: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...\nChandler Bing: You did?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.\nChandler Bing: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?\nMonica Geller: I did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think so, yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not me.\nRoss Geller: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.\nChandler Bing: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?\nRoss Geller: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...\nChandler Bing: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?\nPhoebe Buffay: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...\nChandler Bing: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?\nEveryone: Yeah! Right!\nChandler Bing: WHAT IS IT?!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.\nEveryone: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.\nChandler Bing: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.\nMonica Geller: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! Bon giorno, caro mio.\nRoss Geller: So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.\nRachel Green: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. I'm talking to Rome.\nMonica Geller: Hey dad, what's up? Oh God. Ross, it's Nana.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, how's she doing?\nAunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.\nMonica Geller: How-how are you, Mom?\nJudy Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?\nMonica Geller: What?\nJudy Geller: What's different?\nMonica Geller: Nothing.\nJudy Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.\nMonica Geller: She is unbelievable, our mother is...\nRoss Geller: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nMonica Geller: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.\nRoss Geller: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.\nRoss Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.\nNurse Sizemore: Mrs. Geller?\nRoss Geller: She looks so small.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRoss Geller: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.\nMonica Geller: G'bye, Nana.\nRoss Geller: Bye, Nana.\nMonica Geller: Ross!\nJudy Geller: What is going on?!\nRoss Geller: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..\nJudy Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.\nAunt Lillian: What's going on?\nRoss Geller: She may have died.\nAunt Lillian: She may have died?\nRoss Geller: We're looking into it.\nRoss Geller: I, uh, I'll go see.\nNurse Sizemore: This almost never happens!\nRoss Geller: Now she's passed.\nChandler Bing: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?\nRachel Green: Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.\nRachel Green: So, um, did she...\nRoss Geller: Twice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Twice?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that sucks!\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys okay?\nRoss Geller: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh...\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.\nRoss Geller: Nono, she's gone.\nMonica Geller: We checked. A lot.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.\nRachel Green: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks!\nRachel Green: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie.\nRoss Geller: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.\nJudy Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice!\nJudy Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?\nRoss Geller: I don't see why not.\nRoss Geller: Here's my retainer!\nRoss Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-\nMonica Geller: Dad!\nRoss Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.\nMonica Geller: You what?\nRoss Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.\nMonica Geller: Define fun.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...\nMonica Geller: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.\nRoss Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.\nMonica Geller: That's probably what they'll say.\nRoss Geller: I'd like that.\nChandler Bing: Hey, gorgeous.\nShelley: Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um-\nChandler Bing: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.\nShelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!\nChandler Bing: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?\nShelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a...\nChandler Bing: ...Quality, right, great.\nShelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.\nChandler Bing: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?\nShelley: What? He's cute!\nChandler Bing: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.\nShelley: Is Brian...?\nChandler Bing: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.\nShelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.\nRoss Geller: This one?\nAunt Lillian: No.\nRoss Geller: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.\nAunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.\nJudy Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.\nRoss Geller: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out.\nAunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes!\nRoss Geller: Okay. Um, how about these?\nJudy Geller: That's really a day shoe.\nRoss Geller: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?\nAunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?\nRoss Geller: Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.\nAunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy.\nJudy Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?\nRoss Geller: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God..\nJudy Geller: Is everything all right, dear?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff.\nRoss Geller: How we doing, you guys ready?\nMonica Geller: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?\nRoss Geller: Some days it's all I can think about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings.\nRachel Green: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?\nPhoebe Buffay: What'd I say?\nRachel Green: Hm-m.\nMonica Geller: Are these the shoes?\nRachel Green: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.\nRoss Geller: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...?\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning. We ready to go?\nChandler Bing: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?\nMonica Geller: It was a really beautiful service.\nJudy Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys.\nChandler Bing: You're watching a football game at a funeral?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.\nChandler Bing: You are a frightening, frightening man.\nRachel Green: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I hope they're not ruined.\nPhoebe Buffay: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!\nRoss Geller: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff-\nEveryone: God! Ross!\nRoss Geller: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.\nRoss Geller: What, what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: You missed a belt loop.\nRoss Geller: Oh! No-n-\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, it's in spasm.\nJudy Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no-\nAndrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter.\nChandler Bing: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?\nRoss Geller: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.\nMonica Geller: Wow, those pills really worked, huh?\nRoss Geller: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister , I love Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's so nice...\nRoss Geller: ...Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.\nAndrea: You were right.\nRoss Geller: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. I love you the most.\nRachel Green: Oh, well you know who I love the most?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: You!\nRoss Geller: Oh.. you don't get it!\nRoss Geller: Whaddya got there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just a, uh... hearing disability.\nRoss Geller: What's the score?\nJoey Tribbiani: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.\nRoss Geller: Beautiful!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?\nJudy Geller: Your grandmother would have hated this.\nMonica Geller: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.\nJudy Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.\nMonica Geller: That sounds like Nana.\nJudy Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?\nMonica Geller: ...I can imagine.\nJudy Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.\nMonica Geller: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?\nJudy Geller: Tell her what?\nMonica Geller: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example.\nJudy Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.\nMonica Geller: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?\nJudy Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along.\nMonica Geller: Huh.\nJudy Geller: More wine, dear?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I think so.\nJudy Geller: Those earrings look really lovely on you.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. They're yours.\nJudy Geller: Actually they were Nana's.\nRoss Geller: Now I'm depressed! ... Even more than I was.\nRachel Green: Hey, who's this little naked guy?\nRoss Geller: That little naked guy would be me.\nRachel Green: Aww, look at the little thing.\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?\nChandler Bing: Who are those people?\nRoss Geller: Got me.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.\nRachel Green: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?\nMonica Geller: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?\nRoss Geller: Looks like a fun gang.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!\nRoss Geller: Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something.\nChandler Bing: Hey, Lowell.\nLowell: Hey, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: So how's it going there in Financial Services?\nLowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?\nChandler Bing: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.\nLowell: I know. That's what I told her.\nChandler Bing: Really.\nLowell: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: So- you can tell?\nLowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.\nChandler Bing: So you don't think I have a, a quality?\nLowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.\nChandler Bing: He is?\nLowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league.\nChandler Bing: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. Hey, Brian."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?\nTerry: An advance?\nRachel Green: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.\nTerry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.\nRachel Green: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? Oh, look at that.\nRachel Green: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?\nGuy: Huh?\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. Only $98.50 to go.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?\nRoss Geller: No, they're not.\nMonica Geller: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.\nRoss Geller: You're wrong.\nMonica Geller: I am not wrong.\nRoss Geller: You're wrong.\nMonica Geller: No, I just talked to them.\nRoss Geller: I'm calling Mom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nChandler Bing: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.\nChandler Bing: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.\nPhoebe Buffay: What were you modeling for?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know those posters for the city free clinic?\nMonica Geller: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those \"healthy, healthy, healthy guys\"?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.\nChandler Bing: Do you know which one you're gonna be?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so...\nChandler Bing: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.\nMonica Geller: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.\nRoss Geller: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?\nMonica Geller: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.\nChandler Bing: Yes, every single one of them.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.\nMonica Geller: So you're free Thursday, then.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, can I come?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?\nRachel Green: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.\nChandler Bing: I thought it was $98.50.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm off to Carol's.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?\nRoss Geller: Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.\nRoss Geller: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?\nSusan Bunch: No, she's at a faculty meeting.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.\nSusan Bunch: What's it look like?\nRoss Geller: Kinda like a big face without skin.\nSusan Bunch: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.\nRoss Geller: Ok. Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.\nSusan Bunch: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.\nSusan Bunch: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.\nRoss Geller: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?\nSusan Bunch: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?\nRoss Geller: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?\nSusan Bunch: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.\nRoss Geller: Do you uh, do you talk about me?\nSusan Bunch: Yeah, yeah, all the time.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nSusan Bunch: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.\nRoss Geller: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.\nChandler Bing: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?\nRachel Green: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.\nMonica Geller: Rach, here's your mail.\nRachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.\nMonica Geller: No, here's your mail.\nRachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.\nMonica Geller: Would you just open it?\nRachel Green: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.\nMonica Geller: We all chipped in.\nJoey Tribbiani: We did?\nMonica Geller: You owe me 20 bucks.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Thank you so much!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.\nRachel Green: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?\nChandler Bing: All right, I'm nine years old.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I hate this story.\nChandler Bing: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have-and I remember this part vividly-a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.\nRachel Green: Oh my god.\nChandler Bing: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.\nGirl: We did?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. Aramis? Aramis?\nGirl: Yeah, right.\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.\nGirl: Get out.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.\nGirl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?\nGirl: Nothing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?\nGirl: Yeah. Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's wrong?\nGirl: I just remembered, I have to do something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. What?\nGirl: Um, leave.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, wait!\nJoey Tribbiani: So I guess you all saw it.\nRachel Green: Saw what?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.\nJoey Tribbiani: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.\nChandler Bing: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.\nMonica Geller: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. What?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.\nMonica Geller: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.\nRoss Geller: That's closer.\nRachel Green: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you must stop shooping.\nRachel Green: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, will you just come in already?\nChandler Bing: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!\nChandler Bing: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.\nMonica Geller: That's not a question.\nJoey Tribbiani: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.\nMonica Geller: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.\nRoss Geller: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.\nMonica Geller: Ah!\nRoss Geller: Ok, Mom never hit.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, all done.\nMonica Geller: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.\nMonica Geller: Why would we do that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.\nMonica Geller: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.\nRachel Green: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!\nChandler Bing: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.\nJoey Tribbiani: The balloon?\nChandler Bing: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?\nRachel Green: I can't, I gotta go.\nChandler Bing: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Almost never.\nMonica Geller: Got the keys? or Got the keys!\nRachel Green: Ok.\nCarol Willick: Anytime you're ready.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, here we go. Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...\nCarol Willick: Just aim for the bump.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.\nCarol Willick: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.\nRoss Geller: Hello, baby. Hello, hello.\nRachel Green: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.\nMonica Geller: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?\nRachel Green: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.\nMonica Geller: No I don't.\nRachel Green: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, \"got the keys.\"\nMonica Geller: No I didn't. I asked, \"got the ke-eys?\"\nRachel Green: No, no, no, you said, \"got the keys\".\nChandler Bing: Do either of you have the keys?\nMonica Geller: The oven is on.\nRachel Green: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.\nMonica Geller: Well then get it, get it!\nJoey Tribbiani: That tone will not make me go any faster.\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: That one will.\nRoss Geller: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.\nCarol Willick: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.\nRoss Geller: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?\nSusan Bunch: Hi, how's it goin?\nRoss Geller: Shh! Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! Hey, uh, did you just feel that?\nCarol Willick: I did.\nRoss Geller: Does it always, uh-?\nCarol Willick: No, no that was the first.\nSusan Bunch: Keep singing! Keep singing!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.\nSusan Bunch: I felt it!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope, not that one.\nMonica Geller: Can you go any faster with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.\nMonica Geller: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?\nChandler Bing: For an emergency just like this.\nRachel Green: All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this right now. But I'm not.\nMonica Geller: I swear you said you had the keys.\nRachel Green: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.\nMonica Geller: Why would I have the keys?\nRachel Green: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?\nMonica Geller: But I didn't.\nRachel Green: Well, you should have.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nRachel Green: Because!\nMonica Geller: Why?\nRachel Green: Because!\nMonica Geller: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...\nChandler Bing: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.\nMonica Geller: Well, the turkey's burnt. Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.\nRoss Geller: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's.\nMonica Geller: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.\nRachel Green: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.\nMonica Geller: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?\nJoey Tribbiani: You call that delicious?\nMonica Geller: Stop it, stop it, stop it!\nChandler Bing: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.\nJoey Tribbiani: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!\nMonica Geller: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's nice that he has someone.\nChandler Bing: Shall I carve?\nRachel Green: By all means.\nChandler Bing: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?\nRoss Geller: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.\nMonica Geller: Does anybody wanna split this with me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I will.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.\nMonica Geller: Make a wish?\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?\nJoey Tribbiani: The bigger half.\nChandler Bing: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.\nEveryone: That's so sweet.\nRoss Geller: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.\nRachel Green: And a crappy New Year.\nChandler Bing: Here, here!\nChandler Bing: Bladder Control Problem Stop Wife Beating Hemorrhoids? Winner of 3 Tony Awards...\nChandler Bing: He's finally happy with that and walks away."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.\nEveryone: Oooh!\nMonica Geller: W-wait. What is that?\nRoss Geller: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?\nMonica Geller: No, no, I don't.\nRachel Green: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?\nRoss Geller: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?\nChandler Bing: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!\nMonica Geller: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just get a roommate?\nRoss Geller: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- ...sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.\nChandler Bing: Might wanna open with the snowman.\nEveryone: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.\nMonica Geller: So, how'd it go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.\nRoss Geller: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.\nJoey Tribbiani: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.\nMonica Geller: So what are you gonna be?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?\nRachel Green: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?\nChandler Bing: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!\nRachel Green: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you wish!\nChandler Bing: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.\nEveryone: Yeah, okay. Alright.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.\nEveryone: Woooo! Yeah!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, you're on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, good.\nRachel Green: Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year.\nPhoebe Buffay: I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? La lalala la la la la lalala la la...\nPhoebe Buffay: \nPhoebe Buffay: ...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...\nPhoebe Buffay: \nPhoebe Buffay: ...I feel a little sneezy And now I-\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?\nMax: No. No, that's- that's okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!\nChandler Bing: That guy's going home with a note!\nDavid: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-\nPhoebe Buffay: Could you speak up please?\nDavid: Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought\nMax: Daryl Hannah.\nDavid: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a\nMax: Hard quality.\nDavid: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, we're gonna take a short break.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!\nRoss Geller: Come here, Marcel. Sit here.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?\nRoss Geller: Just a smidge.\nPhoebe Buffay: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.\nMonica Geller: I think it's romantic.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!\nChandler Bing: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!\nChandler Bing: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.\nChandler Bing: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice shoes, huh?\nChandler Bing: Aah, y'killing me!\nMonica Geller: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!\nRoss Geller: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?\nMonica Geller: Do you always have to bring him here?\nRoss Geller: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...\nChandler Bing: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.\nDavid: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.\nDavid: Yuh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?\nDavid: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nDavid: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.\nDavid: Rrrreally.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.\nDavid: ...Now? Now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, right now.\nDavid: Okay, okay, okay. Y'know what, this was just really expensive. And I'll take- this was a gift.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.\nDavid: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can hop.\nRoss Geller: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.\nChandler Bing: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know more than one Fun Bobby?\nChandler Bing: I happen to know a Fun Bob.\nRachel Green: Okay, here we go...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!\nRachel Green: There. Now there is.\nRoss Geller: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, four.\nRoss Geller: Four.\nRachel Green: Five.\nRoss Geller: Five.\nRachel Green: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?\nRoss Geller: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?\nRachel Green: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...\nChandler Bing: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.\nRoss Geller: Really.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.\nRoss Geller: What, uh... what juggling thing?\nChandler Bing: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...\nMax: Phoebe. Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?\nMax: No. Have you seen David?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, he hasn't been around.\nMax: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Minsk?\nMax: Minsk. It's in Russia.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know where Minsk is.\nMax: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.\nPhoebe Buffay: So when, when do you leave?\nMax: January first.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello?\nDavid: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nDavid: Hi! What-what're you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so congratulations! This is so exciting!\nMax: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're not going? Oh, why?\nMax: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!'\nDavid: Thank you, Max. Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So-so you're really not going?\nDavid: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh don't do that.\nDavid: Please.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no no.\nDavid: No, but I'm asking-\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, but I can't do that-\nDavid: No, but I can't-\nPhoebe Buffay: It's your thing, and-\nDavid: -make the decision-\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, um, stay.\nDavid: Stay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Stay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Getting so good at that!\nDavid: It was Max's stuff.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow!\nChandler Bing: You remember Janice.\nMonica Geller: Vividly.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nSandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! ...You brought your kids.\nSandy: Yeah. That's okay, right?\nRoss Geller: Par-tay!\nMonica Geller: That thing is not coming in here.\nRoss Geller: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?\nMonica Geller: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.\nRoss Geller: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...\nMonica Geller: Alright. Just keep him away from me.\nRoss Geller: Thank you. C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.\nMonica Geller: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?\nRachel Green: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.\nPhoebe Buffay: And then... your face is bloated?\nRachel Green: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? Are people eating my dip?\nSandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.\nSandy: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, kids...\nRoss Geller: Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!\nChandler Bing: But you found me!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile! You're on Janice Camera!\nChandler Bing: Kill me. Kill me now.\nMonica Geller: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!\nBobby Rush: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?\nBobby Rush: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.\nChandler Bing: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, no. Oh, no.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry you misunderstood...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me.\nChandler Bing: Oh, will you give me the thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, Max!\nMax: Yoko. I've decided to go to Minsk without you.\nDavid: Wow.\nMax: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you alright?\nDavid: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're going to Minsk.\nDavid: No, I'm... not going to Minsk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.\nDavid: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.\nDavid: Uh, ow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.\nDavid: I'll never forget you.\nPhoebe Buffay: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.\nDick Clark: Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...\nJoey Tribbiani: There y'go, kids.\nChandler Bing: And then the peacock bit me. Please kiss me at midnight.\nJoey Tribbiani: You seen Sandy?\nChandler Bing: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.\nRachel Green: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.\nEveryone: What?\nRachel Green: The bll is drrbing!\nDick Clark: In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...\nChandler Bing: And the moment of joy is upon us.\nJoey Tribbiani: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.\nMonica Geller: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.\nRachel Green: I can't kiss anyone.\nMonica Geller: So I'm kissing everyone?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.\nRoss Geller: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.\nChandler Bing: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alrightalrightalright. There.\nRoss Geller: I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.\nRachel Green: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?\nMonica Geller: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where? Ooh, come to Momma.\nMonica Geller: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.\nGuy: Nice hat.\nPhoebe Buffay: We should do something. Whistle.\nMonica Geller: We are not going to whistle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, do it.\nMonica Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Do it!\nMonica Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Do it do it do it!\nMonica Geller: Woo-woo!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did that!\nMonica Geller: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just wish there was something we could do. Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe nobody's tried this.\nMonica Geller: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.\nMonica Geller: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.\nMonica Geller: I wish all guys could be like him.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nChandler Bing: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?\nMonica Geller: He doesn't have anyone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.\nRachel Green: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up!\nJay Leno: Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.\nRachel Green: No way, forget it.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon, she's your mom!\nChandler Bing: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?\nRachel Green: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'\nRoss Geller: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.\nChandler Bing: You can say that because she's not your mom.\nRoss Geller: Oh, please...\nPaolo: Bona sera.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi sweetie.\nRoss Geller: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?\nMonica Geller: Last night.\nRoss Geller: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey hey hey! She's on!\nPaolo: Ah! Nora Bing!\nJay Leno: ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Your mom was arrested?\nChandler Bing: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.\nNora Tyler Bing: ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...\nChandler Bing: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?\nEveryone: Shhh.\nNora Tyler Bing: ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.\nChandler Bing: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!\nJay Leno: Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...\nEveryone: Awww!\nChandler Bing: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.\nJay Leno: Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.\nChandler Bing: ...And then he burst into flames.\nMonica Geller: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.\nMonica Geller: Nah... not-not special enough.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?\nMonica Geller: Waaay too special.\nNora Tyler Bing: I am famished. What do I want...\nChandler Bing: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?\nChandler Bing: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.\nRoss Geller: What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.\nChandler Bing: I know I am.\nNora Tyler Bing: Who's doing shots?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm in.\nNora Tyler Bing: There y'go. Ross?\nRoss Geller: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.\nRachel Green: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time.\nRoss Geller: ...But a man can change.\nRoss Geller: Anyone want me to appraise anything?\nRachel Green: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.\nChandler Bing: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.\nNora Tyler Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?\nNora Tyler Bing: You okay there, slugger?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.\nNora Tyler Bing: What is with you tonight?\nRoss Geller: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.\nNora Tyler Bing: Okay, thank you. It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.\nRoss Geller: No. It's the one he's licking.\nNora Tyler Bing: She's supposed to be with you.\nRoss Geller: You're good.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?\nRoss Geller: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?\nNora Tyler Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.\nRoss Geller: When?\nNora Tyler Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.\nRoss Geller: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?\nNora Tyler Bing: No, it's you!\nRoss Geller: Please.\nNora Tyler Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...\nRoss Geller: Right.\nNora Tyler Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.\nRoss Geller: Uh-oh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... I'll just pee in the street.\nRoss Geller: Hey, is Chandler here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. No big deal.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!\nRoss Geller: What code?\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!\nChandler Bing: What are you guys doing out here?\nRoss Geller: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.\nRoss Geller: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.\nChandler Bing: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, how could you let this happen?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't think my mom's sexy?\nRoss Geller: Well... not in the same way...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?\nRoss Geller: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: What're you guys doing out here?\nRoss Geller: Well, not playing raquetball!\nJoey Tribbiani: He forgot to leave his grip size!\nRoss Geller: He didn't get the goggles!\nRachel Green: Well,sounds like you two have issues.\nRachel Green: Goodbye, baby.\nPaolo: Ciao, bela.\nRoss Geller: Do they wait for me to do this?\nJoey Tribbiani: So are you gonna tell him?\nRoss Geller: Why would I tell him?\nJoey Tribbiani: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.\nRoss Geller: Oh...\nMonica Geller: What are you guys doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!\nMonica Geller: ...What did I ask?\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?\nMonica Geller: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?\nMonica Geller: How would I know? I-I wasn't here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-\nChandler Bing: You knew about this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.\nChandler Bing: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.\nRoss Geller: Thanks, man, big help.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?\nRoss Geller: I wasn't- I mean, I-\nChandler Bing: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.\nRoss Geller: I know-\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you did this.\nRoss Geller: Chandler-\nJoey Tribbiani: Me neither, y'know what-\nChandler Bing: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you mad at me for?!\nRoss Geller: Chandler-\nChandler Bing: You gotta let me slam the door!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! See what happens when you break the code?\nRoss Geller: Joey-\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah! Huh?\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nMonica Geller: 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello.\nMonica Geller: Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Going to the hospital tonight?\nMonica Geller: No, you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you?\nMonica Geller: You just asked me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. Um, Rachel can we do this now?\nRachel Green: Okay. I am so hot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.\nRoss Geller: I cannot believe we're having this conversation.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.\nRachel Green: Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. 'Kay.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break!\nRachel Green: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!\nChandler Bing: What was that?\nRoss Geller: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mother-Kisser... I'll shut up.\nRoss Geller: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.\nChandler Bing: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.\nRoss Geller: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?\nChandler Bing: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!\nRoss Geller: We're rehearsing a Greek play.\nChandler Bing: That's very funny. We done now?\nRoss Geller: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?\nChandler Bing: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.\nRoss Geller: Okay, 'you' can't, or you can't? Okay, that's my finger. That's, that's my knee. Still doing the play. Aaah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, whadyou do with him?\nMonica Geller: Oh! You're awake!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look at you! How, how do you feel?\nComa Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.\nMonica Geller: You look good!\nComa Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you?\nMonica Geller: Oh, sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm Phoebe Buffay.\nMonica Geller: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we both have.\nComa Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, actually it's just from me.\nMonica Geller: I got you the foot massager.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know who shaved you? That was me.\nMonica Geller: I read to you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I sang. Hah!\nComa Guy: Well,... thanks.\nMonica Geller: Oh, my pleasure.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're welcome.\nComa Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around.\nPhoebe Buffay: What, that's it?\nMonica Geller: \"See you around?\"\nComa Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, \"That was nice?\" Admit something to me? \"I'll call you?\"\nComa Guy: Alright, I'll call you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't think you mean that.\nMonica Geller: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and \"See you around!\" Let's go, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.\nNora Tyler Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?\nChandler Bing: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.\nNora Tyler Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you.\nChandler Bing: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.\nNora Tyler Bing: O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.\nChandler Bing: Really stupid.\nNora Tyler Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. No. No...\nRoss Geller: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.\nRoss Geller: You're kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no. He said \"When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?\"\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then she came back with \"The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?\"\nRoss Geller: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say \"When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: That makes more sense.\nRoss Geller: So, what's going on now?\nJoey Tribbiani: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait.\nRoss Geller: Whaddya see?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!\nNora Tyler Bing: You okay, kiddo?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, okay.\nNora Tyler Bing: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Nice save.\nRoss Geller: Mrs. Bing.\nNora Tyler Bing: Mr. Geller.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: You mean that?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, why not. So I told her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? How'd it go?\nChandler Bing: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.\nRoss Geller: Well, howdya feel?\nChandler Bing: Pretty good! I told her.\nRoss Geller: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? But.. we don't have to go down that road.\nRachel Green: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.\nMonica Geller: What's a 'niffle'?\nJoey Tribbiani: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.\nRachel Green: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...\nRoss Geller: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!\nRachel Green: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!\nEveryone: Nooo!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: No-no-no-no, we're done.\nMonica Geller: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?\nRoss Geller: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta.\nChandler Bing: And, we're done with the yogurt.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? Nice talk, Aunt Syl. You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? This is your baby. Hi Daddy!\nRoss Geller: Hello!\nJoey Tribbiani: How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian?\nRachel Green: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos\nPaolo: Ah, poke a nose, mmm\nMonica Geller: So, did I hear Poconos?\nRachel Green: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.\nPhoebe Buffay: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, that's a big step.\nRachel Green: I know...\nChandler Bing: Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!\nRoss Geller: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?\nRachel Green: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...\nRoss Geller: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? I could call immigration!\nJoey Tribbiani: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...\nChandler Bing: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever!\nJoey Tribbiani: Need a new table.\nChandler Bing: You think?\nCarol Willick: Hey hey, come on in!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hello! mmwa! I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.\nCarol Willick: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.\nRoss Geller: I'm pretty sure that it is...\nCarol Willick: So, I got the results of the amnio today.\nRoss Geller: Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh...?\nCarol Willick: Totally and completely healthy!\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's great, that is great!\nRoss Geller: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?\nCarol Willick: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.\nRoss Geller: Of course it's your friend Tanya.\nCarol Willick: Don't you want to know about the sex?\nRoss Geller: The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya , yaw...\nCarol Willick: The sex of the baby, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!\nCarol Willick: Do you want to know?\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! Or isn't...\nSusan Bunch: Oh, hello Ross!\nRoss Geller: Susan...\nSusan Bunch: So, so, did you hear?\nRoss Geller: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!\nSusan Bunch: Oh, that's so... It really is...do we know...?\nCarol Willick: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!\nSusan Bunch: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?\nCarol Willick: Mm-hmmm\nRoss Geller: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?\nRoss Geller: No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.\nCarol Willick: Well, thanks for the books.\nRoss Geller: No problem, ok, mmmwa oh, mmmwa Susan...\nSusan Bunch: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona?\nCarol Willick: Hello?\nRoss Geller: Uh, never mind, I don't want to know.\nChandler Bing: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's the rule.\nChandler Bing: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!\nJoey Tribbiani: How'd you get to that?\nChandler Bing: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio\nJoey Tribbiani: You knew about that?\nChandler Bing: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?\nChandler Bing: What do you mean, like, buy it together?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah\nChandler Bing: You think we're ready for something like that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why, are you moving out?\nChandler Bing: I'm not moving out.\nJoey Tribbiani: You'd tell me if you were moving out right\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw, I know all about Kip!\nChandler Bing: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?\nChandler Bing: Aw, don't do that\nPhoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, thanks.\nPhoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum\nPaolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?\nPaolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.\nPaolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!\nRachel Green: I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows...\nMonica Geller: And Monica knows...\nRoss Geller: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!\nMonica Geller: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what's it gonna be?\nRoss Geller: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!\nJoey Tribbiani: Or an uncle...\nRoss Geller: Hi Pheebs!\nRachel Green: Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, what's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.\nCustomer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?\nRachel Green: Oh, right, that's me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on.\nChandler Bing: Fine.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, you know Paolo?\nRoss Geller: I'm familiar with his work, yes...\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he made a move on me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!\nChandler Bing: More coffee over here, please!\nMonica Geller: Well, what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until.\nRoss Geller: My God.\nMonica Geller: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, I'm sure. And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore.\nMonica Geller: Was it...?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.\nGuys: Oooooo...\nRachel Green: \"Ooo,\" what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uma Thurman.\nMonica Geller: Oh!\nRoss Geller: The actress!\nRoss Geller: Thanks Rach.\nChandler Bing: So what are you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Feminist issue. That's where I went!\nPhoebe Buffay: She is gonna hate me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well...\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one?\nChandler Bing: That's patio furniture!\nJoey Tribbiani: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, \"Uh-oh, I'm outside again?\" Of course!\nChandler Bing: What about the birds?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, birds just don't say, \"Hello, sit here, eat something.\"\nChandler Bing: You pick one.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, how about the ladybugs?\nChandler Bing: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!\nChandler Bing: Not like that, I won't! Kip would have liked the birds!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you moving out?\nRachel Green: No, these aren't all my suitcases. This one's Paolo's.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?\nRachel Green: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Ok, um, ok, um,\nRachel Green: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, um, we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world.\nRachel Green: Ok, thanks Pheebs Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies\nRachel Green: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which proves that I never lie.\nRachel Green: I guess you don't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Paolo made a pass at me.\nChandler Bing: So, what do you think?\nRoss Geller: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.\nChandler Bing: I know!\nMonica Geller: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!\nMonica Geller: Heads up Ross! Score! You suck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you okay?\nRachel Green: I need some milk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I've got milk Here you go... Oh! Better?\nRachel Green: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all \"Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so...\" Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?\nRachel Green: I don't know...right, he's the pig!\nPhoebe Buffay: Such a pig!\nRachel Green: Oh, God, he's such a pig,\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh he's like a...\nRachel Green: He's like a big disgusting...\nPhoebe Buffay: ...like a...\nRachel Green: ...pig...pig man!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, good! Ok...\nRachel Green: Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I know! It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...\nRachel Green: Ok, Ok, Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: The end.\nRachel Green: Oh, God...\nPhoebe Buffay: Should I not have told you?\nRachel Green: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...\nPhoebe Buffay: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...\nMonica Geller: We should get over there and see if she's okay. Just one...second! Score! Game! Come on.\nRoss Geller: Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.\nRoss Geller: Come on, two on one.\nChandler Bing: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!\nRoss Geller: What, now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!\nChandler Bing: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross!\nPaolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's...\nRoss Geller: How's it going?\nMonica Geller: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, , Ok, that is either, \"How could you?\" or, \"Enormous breasts!\" Here he comes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh!\nPaolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok bye-bye.\nMonica Geller: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.\nPaolo: Grazie.\nRoss Geller: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, just look at her...\nRoss Geller: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're right.\nRoss Geller: ...and I really think it should be me.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: You all right?\nRachel Green: Ooh, I've been better...\nRoss Geller: Come here. Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross...\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy.\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great!\nRoss Geller: Ohhhh\nMonica Geller: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?\nRachel Green: Oh...\nPhoebe Buffay: You ok?\nRachel Green: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep!\nRoss Geller: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.\nRachel Green: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want\nRoss Geller: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.\nRachel Green: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?\nRachel Green: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.\nRoss Geller: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! Huh, am I having a boy?\nRoss Geller: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!\nChandler Bing: Wha-\nJoey Tribbiani: Wha-\nRoss Geller: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: I'm having a son. Um...\nMonica Geller: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!\nMonica Geller: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, get out!\nMonica Geller: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, and I'm gone.\nChandler Bing: One more game?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: That is it! You just barge in here, you don't knock\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry!\nRachel Green: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!\nChandler Bing: Rachel, wait, wait.\nRachel Green: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!\nChandler Bing: Can I just say one thing?\nRachel Green: What? What?!\nChandler Bing: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.\nRachel Green: Oh!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.\nRoger: That's pretty much it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oops!\nRoger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.\nRoger: Okay. I'll miss you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't he great?\nRachel Green: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?\nMonica Geller: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.\nRachel Green: Okaaay. Any of you guys want anything else?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yes, could I have one of those.\nRachel Green: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?\nChandler Bing: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.\nRoss Geller: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies?\nChandler Bing: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.\nRachel Green: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.\nChandler Bing: Okaaay, rock, hard place, me.\nRoger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.\nChandler Bing: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?\nRoger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nRoger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.\nChandler Bing: Uhhuh, how did you know that?\nRoger: It's textbook.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?\nEveryone: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!\nMonica Geller: Hey, how long are you in the city?\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. I don't know this one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is my friend Roger.\nRoger: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.\nRoger: You too, sir.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dad, dad.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? Did you know this isn't Ma?\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. So how long you been...\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?\nJoey Tribbiani: Since then?!\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...I d'know.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're one to talk.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. That'd be cool... This blows!\nRachel Green: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?\nChandler Bing: What? What?\nRachel Green: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I don't see that happening?\nRachel Green: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.\nChandler Bing: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Phoebe.\nRoger: And Rog.\nMonica Geller: C'mon up.\nChandler Bing: Oh, good. Rog is here.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter with Rog?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.\nRoss Geller: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.\nRoss Geller: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?\nRoger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.\nRoss Geller: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?\nRoger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...\nMonica Geller: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.\nRoger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.\nRoss Geller: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!\nMonica Geller: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't he good?\nRoss Geller: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...\nMonica Geller: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!\nRachel Green: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.\nRoger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay?\nRoger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.\nMonica Geller: You're welcome.\nRoger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.\nMonica Geller: Hate that guy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Night, you guys.\nChandler Bing: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?\nRonni Rapalono: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm Joey Tribbiani.\nRonni Rapalono: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! I-I'm, I'm Ronni...Cheese Nip?\nChandler Bing: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?\nRonni Rapalono: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.\nChandler Bing: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.\nRonni Rapalono: That's a good one!\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dad, Ronni's here.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Huh?\nRonni Rapalono: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?\nRonni Rapalono: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Thank you. Uh...\nChandler Bing: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?\nRonni Rapalono: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: I don't want you taking that thing.\nRonni Rapalono: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who-ah-ho.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: We'll go to a hotel.\nRonni Rapalono: We'll go to a hotel.\nJoey Tribbiani: No you won't.\nRonni Rapalono: No we won't.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: You're gonna keep an eye on us?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.\nRonni Rapalono: Wow. He's strict.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.\nRonni Rapalono: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.\nChandler Bing: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by \"No thanks, it's late.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: What kinda change?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, either you break it off with Ronni\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: I can't do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Yeah, but this is\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're gonna.\nJoey Tribbiani: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...\nChandler Bing: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...\nChandler Bing: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nChandler Bing: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say \"No thanks, I'm married.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: You really think so?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. I really do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Get off!\nRonni Rapalono: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi...May I help you?\nRonni Rapalono: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?\nMonica Geller: Okay...who are you?\nRonni Rapalono: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?\nMonica Geller: Oh, c'mon in.\nRonni Rapalono: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm Rachel.\nRonni Rapalono: Hi.\nRachel Green: Bathroom's up there.\nRonni Rapalono: Great.\nRachel Green: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?\nRonni Rapalono: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?\nRachel Green: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. Hey, Mr. Trib.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey. Morning, dear.\nRachel Green: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter with you?!\nRachel Green: I thought it was Chandler!\nChandler Bing: What? What?\nRachel Green: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!\nChandler Bing: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.\nEveryone: Hey, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: How's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: So what's going on?\nMonica Geller: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.\nRoss Geller: I dunno, there's just something about...\nChandler Bing: Basically we just feel that he's...\nRachel Green: We hate that guy.\nEveryone: Yeah. Hate him.\nRoss Geller: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?\nEveryone: ...No, we hate him.\nRachel Green: We're sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ma! What're you doing here?\nGloria Tribbiani: I came to give you this and this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oww! Big ring!\nGloria Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hold on, you-you knew?\nGloria Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. \"I'm sleeping over at my accountant's,\" I mean, what is that? Please!\nJoey Tribbiani: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!\nGloria Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?\nGloria Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm...happy...for you?\nGloria Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.\nGloria Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.\nGloria Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?\nJoey Tribbiani: With this ring? No contest.\nRoger: What's wrong, sweetie?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.\nRoger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.\nRoger: Oh. They don't.\nPhoebe Buffay: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...\nRoger: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Intense and creepy.\nRoger: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.\nRoger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!\nRoger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.\nMonica Geller: So you talked to your dad, huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.\nRachel Green: Wow.\nChandler Bing: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.\nRoss Geller: So Joey, you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.\nRachel Green: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.\nChandler Bing: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey, Pheebs.\nMonica Geller: How's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.\nEveryone: Awww.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, right.\nEveryone: Aaawwwwww!!\nRachel Green: What happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey. What's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green.\nMonica Geller: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry. Wrong boobies.\nMonica Geller: Hello, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh! ...Hello, dear."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.\nRoss Geller: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.\nChandler Bing: Any contact?\nRoss Geller: She lent me an egg once.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're in!\nRoss Geller: Aw, right.\nWoman: Hi, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...\nJoey Tribbiani: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.\nRoss Geller: An egg?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, \"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg.\"\nChandler Bing: I think it's winning.\nRoss Geller: I think it's insane.\nChandler Bing: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Think it'll work?\nChandler Bing: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.\nMonica Geller: You can not do this.\nRachel Green: Do what, do what?\nMonica Geller: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.\nRachel Green: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!\nMonica Geller: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.\nRachel Green: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.\nChandler Bing: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...\nJoey Tribbiani: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.\nRoss Geller: Hi. She said yes.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Way to go, man! Still got the egg, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: How do I look?\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.\nLorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.\nChandler Bing: ...And what did you bring?\nLorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.\nChandler Bing: Janice?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh... my... God.\nChandler Bing: Hey, it's Janice.\nChandler Bing: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.\nChandler Bing: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.\nMonica Geller: Which one was Pete Carney?\nRachel Green: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. \"Was it good for you?\"\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-\"I-win\"-guy. \"I win! I win!\" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.\nRachel Green: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!\nMonica Geller: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.\nMonica Geller: There's more beer, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.\nRachel Green: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.\nMonica Geller: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.\nRachel Green: Or?\nPhoebe Buffay: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.\nMonica Geller: Burning's good.\nRachel Green: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.\nLorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good for you. Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.\nChandler Bing: That's OK.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.\nJoey Tribbiani: We can't do that.\nChandler Bing: What? What can't you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, we might be leaving now.\nChandler Bing: Tell me it's \"you and me\" we.\nJoey Tribbiani: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.\nChandler Bing: Ok, you can not do this to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.\nLorraine: Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I hope she throws up on you.\nChandler Bing: So...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Just us.\nChandler Bing: Oh, what a crappy night!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me. How ya doin'?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So, do we have the best friends or what?\nChandler Bing: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I will go for that drink.\nChandler Bing: You got it. Good woman! Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Each.\nChandler Bing: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. I've always wanted to know...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Happy Valentine's Day!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened?\nChandler Bing: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Kiss me!\nMonica Geller: Oh, Chandler, sorry.\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Monica.\nChandler Bing: Ok, well, this was very special.\nMonica Geller: Rach, come see who's out here!\nRachel Green: Oh my god. Janice, hi!\nChandler Bing: Janice is gonna go away now.\nMonica Geller: I'll be right back.\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey, look who it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa.\nChandler Bing: Oh, good, Joey's home now.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.\nMonica Geller: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. He just happened to call.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know?\nRoss Geller: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.\nKristin: That's funny. Who are they?\nRoss Geller: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.\nKristin: You mean they're lovers.\nRoss Geller: If you wanna put a label on it.\nKristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?\nRoss Geller: Nope, nope, that's it.\nRoss Geller: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. Helloo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.\nMonica Geller: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, that's ok! Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.\nRachel Green: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.\nMonica Geller: Can we just start throwing things in?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, yeah, ok. Oh, OK.\nRachel Green: Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.\nMonica Geller: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.\nRachel Green: Hey he's wearing a sweater.\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure...\nChandler Bing: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.\nChandler Bing: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hello, funny Valentine.\nChandler Bing: Hi, Just Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!\nJoey Tribbiani: If you don't do it, I will.\nRoss Geller: So, um, what do you do for a living?\nKristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working.. ...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.\nCarol Willick: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.\nSusan Bunch: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.\nKristin: I guess.\nRoss Geller: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?\nCarol Willick: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.\nRoss Geller: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin... ...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!\nFireman No. 1: What do we got there?\nFireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred pictureWow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!\nMonica Geller: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.\nFireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.\nFireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.\nRachel Green: Really?\nFireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I brought you something.\nChandler Bing: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. Chan and Jan Forever.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I had them made special.\nChandler Bing: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: That's fine.\nChandler Bing: It is?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.\nChandler Bing: Oh no, you see, actually it is.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no I don't.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?\nChandler Bing: I did, but...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.\nChandler Bing: Call me!\nCarol Willick: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.\nRoss Geller: You did so. I swear, I swear How long has she been in the bathroom?\nCarol Willick: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.\nRoss Geller: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.\nCarol Willick: That could be it.\nRoss Geller: Oh, god. You know, this is still pretty hot.\nCarol Willick: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny\nRoss Geller: No, it's just...you know the whole \"getting on with your life\" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.\nCarol Willick: Oh, I love you too. But...\nRoss Geller: No but, no but.\nCarol Willick: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.\nRoss Geller: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.\nCarol Willick: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.\nCarol Willick: Not her.\nFireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then?\nRachel Green: So, um, will you bring the truck?\nFireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell.\nRachel Green: Oh, my god.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, there you go, the cleansing works!\nMonica Geller: They're nice guys.\nRachel Green: Oh, they're firemen guys.\nFireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?\nFireman No. 2: No way!\nFireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Coffee.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Cappuccino.\nRoss Geller: Grazie.\nRachel Green: And a nice hot cider for Monica.\nMonica Geller: Aww, thank you. Uh Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?\nRachel Green: Oh! That's why. I'm sorry!\nWoman: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.\nMrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.\nChandler Bing: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. Nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nEveryone: What is it?\nChandler Bing: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.\nEveryone: That's great!\nChandler Bing: So... I quit.\nEveryone: Why?\nChandler Bing: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.\nChandler Bing: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.\nPhoebe Buffay: So was it a lot more money?\nChandler Bing: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.\nRachel Green: ... the WENUS?\nChandler Bing: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.\nRachel Green: Oh. That WENUS.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what're you going to do?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.\nMonica Geller: Um... hi there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...\nChandler Bing: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah!\nMonica Geller: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know! So, what do you think?\nChandler Bing: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. Oh Monica! Guess what!\nChandler Bing: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?\nRachel Green: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?\nChandler Bing: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. I added the \"a-gogo.\"\nRachel Green: Career counselor?\nChandler Bing: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.\nRachel Green: I don't!\nChandler Bing: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.\nRoss Geller: Ah, the lesser-known \"I don't have a dream\" speech.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! Brian's Song!\nRachel Green: The meeting with the guy went great?\nMonica Geller: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.\nChandler Bing: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?\nMonica Geller: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.\nRachel Green: What are you going to make?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yummy noises.\nRachel Green: And Monica, what are you going to make?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! I know what you could make! I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?\nJoey Tribbiani: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.\nRoss Geller: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?\nChandler Bing: Who are you going out with?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, is this the bug lady?\nRachel Green: Bzzzz... I love you, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.\nRachel Green: So what are you guys going to do?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.\nChandler Bing: And he's not speaking metaphorically.\nJoey Tribbiani: So... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... huh-huh?\nRoss Geller: Well, I don't know... huh-huh... but I'm hoping huh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.\nRoss Geller: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...\nCelia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...\nRoss Geller: Alright...\nMonica Geller: OK, try this salmon mousse.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mmmm. Good.\nMonica Geller: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's creamier.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well, is that better?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?\nRachel Green: My God! What happened to you?\nChandler Bing: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? \"You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!\nChandler Bing: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.\nRachel Green: Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!\nMonica Geller: Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you.\nMonica Geller: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche.\nChandler Bing: Well... it is amouz-ing...\nMonica Geller: Hello? Oh, hi Wendy! Yeah, eight o'clock. What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... OK, great. All right, I'll see you then. Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ten dollars an hour for what?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out.\nRachel Green: Waitressing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.\nMonica Geller: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but...\nRachel Green: But, but?\nMonica Geller: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress.\nRachel Green: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.\nChandler Bing: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. Amouz-bouche?\nCelia: Talk to me.\nRoss Geller: OK... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...\nCelia: No no no. Talk... dirty.\nRoss Geller: Wha... what, here?\nCelia: Yes...\nRoss Geller: Ah...\nCelia: Say something... hot.\nRoss Geller: Er... um...\nCelia: What?\nRoss Geller: Um... uh... vulva.\nJoey Tribbiani: Vulva?\nRoss Geller: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??\nRoss Geller: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.\nRoss Geller: Please be kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.\nRoss Geller: OK. I'm in my apartment...\nJoey Tribbiani: ...yeah... what else?\nRoss Geller: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, look, I'll start, OK?\nRoss Geller: Joey, please.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! Oh... Ross... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.\nRoss Geller: Wow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, now you say something.\nRoss Geller: I... ahem... I really don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! You like this woman, right?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: You want to see her again, right?\nRoss Geller: Sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!\nRoss Geller: OK, turn around. I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.\nRoss Geller: Ahem... I want... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.\nJoey Tribbiani: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!\nRoss Geller: I, er...\nRoss Geller: I want to take my tongue... and...\nRoss Geller: ...and...\nJoey Tribbiani: Say it... say it!\nRoss Geller: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...\nChandler Bing: ...with??\nRoss Geller: Funny story!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're not going to believe this!\nChandler Bing: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.\nChandler Bing: Again?\nJoey Tribbiani: And again, and again, and again... Hello? And again.\nChandler Bing: Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? Yeah, I miss you too. Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? Well, that's very generous er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about... And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you on Monday!\nChandler Bing: Well?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.\nChandler Bing: Look at this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! You have a window!\nChandler Bing: Yes indeedy! With a beautiful view of...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh look! That guy's peeing!\nChandler Bing: OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK.\nChandler Bing: This is great! Helen, could you come in here for a moment?\nChandler Bing: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.\nChandler Bing: Last time I do that, I promise.\nMonica Geller: Wendy, we had a deal! Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!\nRachel Green: Who was that?\nMonica Geller: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.\nRachel Green: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye.\nMonica Geller: Ten dollars an hour.\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Twelve dollars an hour.\nRachel Green: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.\nMonica Geller: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... twenty dollars an hour.\nRachel Green: Done.\nRachel Green: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?\nMonica Geller: Hi Steve!\nSteve (drug addict): Hello, Monica. Hello, greeter girl.\nMonica Geller: This is Rachel.\nSteve (drug addict): Yeah, OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of of, OK, smells.\nSteve (drug addict): It's a lovely apartment.\nMonica Geller: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?\nSteve (drug addict): I was just being polite, but, alright.\nRachel Green: What's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?\nRachel Green: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.\nSteve (drug addict): Is it dry in here?\nRachel Green: Let me, let me get you some wine!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... ... with just a touch of mints... and... ... ginger.\nSteve (drug addict): Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!\nMonica Geller: I'm so glad you liked them!\nSteve (drug addict): Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!\nMonica Geller: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.\nSteve (drug addict): Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning.\nRachel Green: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?\nSteve (drug addict): You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.\nSteve (drug addict): Ah, cool! Taco shells! You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.\nMonica Geller: You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.\nSteve (drug addict): Hey! Sugar-O's!\nMonica Geller: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes...\nSteve (drug addict): Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!\nMonica Geller: No, we don't.\nSteve (drug addict): Oh, OK. Oh, sorry.\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just have a seat here? OK... give me the Gummi-bears.\nSteve (drug addict): No.\nMonica Geller: Give them to me.\nSteve (drug addict): Alright, we'll share.\nMonica Geller: No, give me the...\nSteve (drug addict): Well then you can't have any. Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! \"Help! I'm drowning! Help!\"\nMonica Geller: That's it! Dinner is over!\nSteve (drug addict): What?\nMonica Geller: What?\nSteve (drug addict): Why?\nMonica Geller: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?\nSteve (drug addict): Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What a tool!\nRachel Green: You don't want to work for a guy like that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it.\nRoss Geller: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, er... how did it go with Celia?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I was unbelievable.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, Ross!\nRoss Geller: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! And the... huh-huh?\nRoss Geller: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...\nJoey Tribbiani: You cuddled.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, which was nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?\nRachel Green: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, where the hell is he?\nChandler Bing: Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! Whooooaaaa...\nPhoebe Buffay: How's this?\nSteve (drug addict): Eeeee!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry. How about over here?\nSteve (drug addict): Aaaaah!\nPhoebe Buffay: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt?\nSteve (drug addict): No.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about this?\nSteve (drug addict): Aaaaahhh!!\nPhoebe Buffay: There you go!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Theres the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?\nChandler Bing: Its Phoebe! Hi!\nUrsula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?\nChandler Bing: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?\nUrsula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, \"Excuse me, hello Miss,\" so now Im here.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no... how come you are working here?\nUrsula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.\nChandler Bing: Can we start over?\nUrsula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here.\nRoss Geller: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, \"supposedly\" by accident.\nRachel Green: No, yeah, Ive done that.\nRoss Geller: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.\nRachel Green: Ive never done that.\nChandler Bing: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.\nJoey Tribbiani: Im sayin I see a difference.\nChandler Bing: Theyre twins!\nJoey Tribbiani: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!\nChandler Bing: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Lets not do that any more.\nEveryone: Hey guys! Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nPhoebe Buffay: Morly Safer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nPhoebe Buffay: The woman who cuts my hair!\nMonica Geller: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.\nChandler Bing: Your sister Ursula.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, really.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...\nPhoebe Buffay: Rifts. Yeah, I know.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havent talked in like years.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not from where I was standin.\nPhoebe Buffay: where were you standing?\nRachel Green: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just dont get along?\nPhoebe Buffay: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like \"yeah, right, well what else is new?\"\nRoss Geller: Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.\nChandler Bing: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.\nRachel Green: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?\nRoss Geller: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.\nRachel Green: Well, isnt, isnt that gonna be weird?\nRoss Geller: No, no. I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.\nMonica Geller: Ross, thats my jacket.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nWoman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.\nTeacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next?\nRoss Geller: Hi, um, Im err, Im Ross Geller, and err ah... ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... ..whos next?\nTeacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?\nRoss Geller: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...\nCarol Willick: Life partner.\nRoss Geller: Like buddies.\nSusan Bunch: Like lovers.\nRoss Geller: You know how close women can get.\nCarol Willick: Susan and I live together.\nRoss Geller: Although I was married to her.\nSusan Bunch: Carol, not me.\nRoss Geller: Err, right.\nCarol Willick: Its a little complicated.\nRoss Geller: A little.\nSusan Bunch: But were fine.\nRoss Geller: Absolutely. So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. Ouch.\nChandler Bing: And to you too, Helen.\nHelen: Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay. Send her in.\nNina Bookbinder: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi, Nina. Come on in.\nNina Bookbinder: You wanted to see me?\nChandler Bing: Uh, Yes. Yes. Ive just been going over your data here, and little thing, youve been post-dating your Friday numbers.\nNina Bookbinder: Which is bad, because?\nChandler Bing: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.\nNina Bookbinder: Your... excuse me?\nChandler Bing: WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net...\nNina Bookbinder: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Wont happen again. I wouldnt want to do anything to hurt your... \"wenus.\"\nChandler Bing: Its not just that shes cute, okay. Its just that... shes really really cute.\nRoss Geller: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.\nMonica Geller: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.\nRoss Geller: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...\nMonica Geller: Great.\nRoss Geller: Relax, I'll fix it.\nRachel Green: Cool... \"Urkel\" in Spanish is \"Urkel.\"\nRoss Geller: How did he do this?\nChandler Bing: So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?\nMonica Geller: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Years... but obviously someone forgot.\nRachel Green: Well, someone was supposed to write \"Rach, take down the lights\" and put it on the re... frigerate... How long has that been there?\nChandler Bing: Hey, where you been?\nJoey Tribbiani: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.\nChandler Bing: Score.\nJoey Tribbiani: She is so hot!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err...\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, I'm not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool, thanks.\nRoss Geller: You okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah Im fine.\nRoss Geller: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?\nSusan Bunch: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I'll get the information.\nRoss Geller: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.\nSusan Bunch: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.\nTeacher: Alrighty. Were gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why dont you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummys head.\nSusan Bunch: I am supposed to be the mommy?\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.\nSusan Bunch: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman.\nRoss Geller: I see. So what do you propose to do?\nSusan Bunch: I will flip you for it.\nRoss Geller: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!\nSusan Bunch: On your back... Mom.\nTeacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.\nTeacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.\nChandler Bing: Mr. D, hows it going, sir?\nMr. Douglas: Ohh, its been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.\nChandler Bing: And?\nMr. Douglas: Its pretty ugly. We havent seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.\nChandler Bing: So what does this mean?\nMr. Douglas: Well, were gonna be layin off people in every department.\nChandler Bing: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very –\nMr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?\nChandler Bing: Nina? Nina. Nina. Nina.\nNina Bookbinder: Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.\nNina Bookbinder: What?\nChandler Bing: Would you like to have dinner sometime?\nRachel Green: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.\nRachel Green: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.\nRachel Green: Ooh, okay... good.\nJamie: What is this place?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?\nJamie: I think we have an answer.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Whats she doing here?\nJamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Think she got fired at Riffs?\nJamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... ..bringing swordfish. are you gonna go to the, um?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.\nJamie: It looks like her.\nJamie: Um, excuse me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJamie: Hi, its us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right, and its me.\nJamie: So, so youre here too?\nPhoebe Buffay: Much as you are.\nJamie: Your turn.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Err... we know what we want.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thats good.\nJamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: And some biscottie cookies.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good choice.\nJamie: Definitely her.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?\nChandler Bing: Well, you still havent taken down the Christmas lights.\nMonica Geller: Congratulations, I think youve found the worlds thinnest argument.\nChandler Bing: Im just trying to find the right moment, you know?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. \"Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: You know, once youre inside, you dont have to knock any more.\nMonica Geller: I'll get it.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.\nMr. Heckles: Youre doing it again.\nMonica Geller: Were not doing anything. Were just sitting around talking, quietly.\nMr. Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats cant sleep.\nRachel Green: You dont even have cats.\nMr. Heckles: I could have cats.\nMonica Geller: Goodbye Mr.Heckles.\nRachel Green: Well try to keep it down.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, my first birthday present... ..oh, this is really...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... ..okay, it fits.\nRachel Green: Are you seein her again tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep. Ice Capades.\nChandler Bing: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.\nJoey Tribbiani: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.\nPhoebe Buffay: That you like, we get it. You like her. Great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay... Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Knit, good woman, knit, knit!\nChandler Bing: And thats the Chrysler Building right there.\nMr. Douglas: Nina.\nNina Bookbinder: Mr.Douglas... ..cool tie.\nMr. Douglas: Shes still here.\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.\nChandler Bing: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.\nMr. Douglas: Youre kidding? She seems so...\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no. Nina... ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.\nMr. Douglas: Thats unbelievable.\nChandler Bing: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.\nMr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.\nChandler Bing: Well, I guess thats why they call it psychology, sir.\nSoothing Male Voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.\nTeacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.\nRoss Geller: Susan, go deep.\nCarol Willick: This is impossible. Its just impossible.\nSusan Bunch: What is, honey?\nCarol Willick: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.\nRoss Geller: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.\nCarol Willick: Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, \"Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?\"\nSusan Bunch: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.\nSusan Bunch: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.\nSusan Bunch: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?\nRoss Geller: Im gonna be a father.\nRachel Green: This is just occurring to you?\nRoss Geller: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.\nRachel Green: Oh, youre gonna be great!\nRoss Geller: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?\nChandler Bing: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wherere you going?\nJoey Tribbiani: Out.\nPhoebe Buffay: With?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, could I just ask you one question?\nPhoebe Buffay: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, not that its any of your business, but, no, we havent, okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: You meant sex, right?\nNina Bookbinder: Do you have a sec?\nChandler Bing: Ah, sure, Nina. Whats up?\nNina Bookbinder: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.\nChandler Bing: Oh, well, ah... maybe thats because theyre ah... jealous, of us.\nNina Bookbinder: Maybe. But that doesnt explain why they keep taking my scissors.\nChandler Bing: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.\nNina Bookbinder: I am?\nChandler Bing: Sure, why not?\nNina Bookbinder: Oh my god! Youre amazing!\nChandler Bing: Oh, you dont know. Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?\nHelen: So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?\nNina Bookbinder: What?\nChandler Bing: Helen drinks. Will you marry me?\nChandler Bing: Well, I ended up telling her everything.\nRachel Green: Oh, howd she take it?\nChandler Bing: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... ..on the desk.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I think I get how to do this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.\nMonica Geller: okay, Pheebs, theyre gone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Are you alright?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.\nRachel Green: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...\nChandler Bing: Youre not gonna lose him.\nMonica Geller: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Okay.\nRoss Geller: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.\nPhoebe Buffay: But hes falling in love with her.\nRachel Green: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay... Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, oh.\nUrsula: Oh.\nUrsula: Yeah, um, may we help you?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?\nRachel Green: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... ..Im takin em down. Okay? Whoa!\nMonica Geller: Oh-my-god Rachel! Rachel!\nRachel Green: Im okay! Im okay! Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?\nMr. Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.\nNurse Sizemore: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?\nNurse Sizemore: Fill this out and bring it back to me.\nRachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.\nMonica Geller: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?\nRachel Green: You.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that is so sweet. Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.\nMonica Geller: you don't have insurance?\nRachel Green: Why, how much is this gonna cost?\nMonica Geller: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.\nRachel Green: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?\nMonica Geller: Well there's not much we can do.\nRachel Green: Um... unless, unless I use yours.\nMonica Geller: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.\nRachel Green: well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my \"In case of emergency\" person?\nMonica Geller: That's insurance fraud.\nRachel Green: Well, alright, then, forget it. Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!\nMonica Geller: Okay, okay. I hate this.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.\nMonica Geller: Hi, um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms .\nNurse Sizemore: Why?\nMonica Geller: I am really an idiot. you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, I put mine.\nNurse Sizemore: You are an idiot. .\nMonica Geller: yep, that's me, I am that stupid .\nRoss Geller: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.\nRoss Geller: No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.\nRoss Geller: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.\nChandler Bing: What are you crazy? That's a baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: He should take the sack?\nRoss Geller: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?\nChandler Bing: Well, only if you order stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.\nRoss Geller: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?\nJoey Tribbiani: When's that?\nRoss Geller: Tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?\nRoss Geller: You take your time.\nChandler Bing: There it is! So what're you gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.\nChandler Bing: And your friend Phoebe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?\nChandler Bing: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.\nDr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.\nDr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?\nMonica Geller: Yes? ..yes, she is.\nRachel Green: Hi, this is my friend Rachel.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nDr. Mitchell: Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell.\nDr. Rosen: And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.\nRachel Green: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?\nDr. Rosen: Excuse me?\nRachel Green: I meant er, young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Right.\nRachel Green: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.\nMonica Geller: Uh, you left out the stupid part.\nRachel Green: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said \"yes.\"\nMonica Geller: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.\nRachel Green: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, cute doctors, doctors who are cute!\nChandler Bing: Alright, what have we learned so far?\nThe Whole Party: SURPRISE!!!\nRoss Geller: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.\nRachel Green: Was that the cake?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.\nMonica Geller: Come on, she'll be here any minute.\nRachel Green: I hope it's okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh...\nChandler Bing: \"Happy Birthday Peehe.\"\nMonica Geller: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, what's going on?\nRoss Geller: Oh, we just...\nPhoebe's Friends: Surprise!\nPhoebe Buffay: oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! You found Betty! Oh my god! This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, Where's Joey?\nChandler Bing: Did you see Betty?\nRoss Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say \"get out of my office!\"\nRoss Geller: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?\nRoss Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash;\nRoss Geller: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, \"Oh my god I'm gonna be a father\" kind of a thing?\nRoss Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?\nRoss Geller: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.\nRoss Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?\nRoss Geller: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?\nRoss Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.\nRoss Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?\nRoss Geller: No, we can go to Williamsburg.\nRoss Geller: Eat your fish.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.\nRachel Green: Okay, coming!\nMonica Geller: Hi, come on in.\nDr. Mitchell: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Geoffrey.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nDr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.\nDr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?\nRachel Green: Oh, that's great. Look at that.\nDr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?\nMonica Geller: It's uh...\nMonica Geller: ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.\nRachel Green: You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... STAT!\nRachel Green: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.\nMonica Geller: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.\nRachel Green: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?\nMonica Geller: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?\nDr. Mitchell: So?\nDr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal.\nDr. Mitchell: That's because they are.\nDr. Rosen: okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...\nDr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. Go like this.\nMonica Geller: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.\nRachel Green: I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...\nMonica Geller: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...\nRachel Green: You know what?\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: You know what?\nMonica Geller: What!?\nRachel Green: You know what?\nMonica Geller: What!!?\nRachel Green: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.\nRachel Green: Hello! Here we go!\nDr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?\nRachel Green: Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.\nMonica Geller: Yeah... ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.\nDr. Mitchell: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. Why don't you try the hummus?\nDr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?\nRachel Green: Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.\nDr. Rosen: Good for you.\nRachel Green: Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.\nDr. Rosen: This hummus is great.\nDr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.\nMonica Geller: Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!\nRachel Green: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?\nMonica Geller: I used to wet my bed.\nRachel Green: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.\nMonica Geller: We both do that!\nDr. Mitchell: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...\nRachel Green: Would you excuse me for a second?\nMonica Geller: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.\nRachel Green: Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! ...dead!\nMonica Geller: Ross, he's got the remote again.\nRoss Geller: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.\nRoss Geller: Maybe not.\nRachel Green: Hello? Um, yeah, uh, Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.\nRachel Green: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...\nMonica Geller: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want!\nRachel Green: Okay no, you do it.\nMonica Geller: Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down. Thank you.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.\nRachel Green: Ohhh... Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Okay, let me just change.\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Trouble?\nJoey Tribbiani: Your sister stood me up the other night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?\nRoss Geller: Well did you try calling her?\nJoey Tribbiani: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nUrsula: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Um you, you got a minute?\nUrsula: Um, yeah, I'm just... ..working.\nPhoebe Buffay: So.\nUrsula: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.\nUrsula: Oh, wow! You remembered! Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!\nPhoebe Buffay: Right, like the kind you...\nUrsula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.\nPhoebe Buffay: How'd you know I was coming?\nUrsula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did this.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you... ..did this.\nPhoebe Buffay: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?\nUrsula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Does he know?\nUrsula: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.\nUrsula: He is? Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: You got me.\nUrsula: Right.\nUrsula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?\nPhoebe Buffay: So, um, are you gonna call him?\nUrsula: What? Do you think he likes me?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, Joey.\nUrsula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. Do you want some chicken?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No food with a face.\nUrsula: You have not changed!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you too.\nRachel Green: Hi, remember us?\nNurse Sizemore: Mmm hmmm.\nMonica Geller: Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. 'cause um...\nNurse Sizemore: You're that stupid.\nMonica Geller: I am. I'm that stupid.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.\nNurse Sizemore: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know... ..I'm I'm just not that bright either.\nChandler Bing: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.\nRoss Geller: Do you have a point?\nChandler Bing: You know, you think I would.\nChandler Bing: What's up with the simian?\nRoss Geller: It's just a fur ball.\nChandler Bing: Okay... ..whose turn is it?\nRoss Geller: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.\nChandler Bing: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.\nRoss Geller: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?\nRoss Geller: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!\nNurse Sizemore: You go get that animal outta here.\nRoss Geller: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.\nMonica Geller: What's goin' on?\nChandler Bing: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nNurse Sizemore: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!\nRoss Geller: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!\nDr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.\nMonica Geller: Michael.\nDr. Mitchell: Rachel.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Monica.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Urse...\nJoey Tribbiani: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, um...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't say \"listen.\" I know that \"listen.\" I've said that \"listen.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?\nPhoebe Buffay: : Yeah, um... You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't drink.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Urse...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?\nJoey Tribbiani: no. No, I, I couldn't do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know... You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know...\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oooh...\nRoss Geller: He looks so tiny.\nJoey Tribbiani: We just got the message.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is he alright?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.\nChandler Bing: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'\nRoss Geller: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.\nChandler Bing: So, you feel like a dad yet?\nRoss Geller: No, why?\nChandler Bing: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.\nMonica Geller: Oh, look, he's waking up!\nRoss Geller: hey, fella! How you doing?\nRoss Geller: Aqui est.\nMonica Geller: A quin pidio el pollo General Tso?\nChandler Bing: Pudo aver sido General Tso!\nRachel Green: Mira, Mira, el viejo desnudo est haciendo el hula hoop!\nEveryone: Ewww!\nEveryone: Hola, Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hola, amigos!\nMonica Geller: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto.\nRoss Geller: Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey, guys.\nRachel Green: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? : Did you bring the mail?\nMonica Geller: Lots of responses.\nRachel Green: : Really? : Sure, we have scones left! : OK, read them to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: : Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however... oh...\nRachel Green: : We have apple cinnamon...\nMonica Geller: : OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... yeah... yeah... No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow!\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: : Your Visa bill is huge!\nRachel Green: Give me that!\nChandler Bing: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?\nRoss Geller: I don't know.\nChandler Bing: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?\nRoss Geller: No, it's not just that. It's justI want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh...\nChandler Bing: ...little playthings with yarn?\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Could you want her more?\nRoss Geller: Who?\nChandler Bing: Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.\nRoss Geller: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... : Hiiii!\nRachel Green: Hi! How are you?\nRoss Geller: We're fine, we're fine.\nRachel Green: OK.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shut up!\nChandler Bing: We're notwe're not saying anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: We were playing poker, alright...\nJoey Tribbiani: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?\nRoss Geller: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'\nChandler Bing: And then he did.\nRachel Green: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?\nRoss Geller: No, women are welcome to play.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?\nChandler Bing: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.\nMonica Geller: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!\nRachel Green: Really.\nMonica Geller: I mean, that's a typical guy response.\nRoss Geller: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?\nRachel Green: But you could teach us.\nGuys: No.\nChandler Bing: OK, so now we draw cards.\nMonica Geller: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight.\nRachel Green: Oh, good for you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Congratulations!\nChandler Bing: OK Phoebs, how many do you want?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.\nRoss Geller: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can'tyou can't do...\nRachel Green: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here!\nRoss Geller: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that.\nRachel Green: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you're...\nMonica Geller: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz...\nChandler Bing: OK, so at this point, the dealer...\nMonica Geller: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for real. High stakes... big bucks...\nRoss Geller: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy...\nPhoebe Buffay: But... I'm ready, so, just deal.\nChandler Bing: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. Alright babe, deal the cards.\nMonica Geller: Dammit, dammit, dammit!\nPhoebe Buffay: : Oh I see, so then, you were lying.\nJoey Tribbiani: About what?\nPhoebe Buffay: About how good your cards were.\nJoey Tribbiani: Heh... I was bluffing.\nPhoebe Buffay: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?\nRachel Green: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow...\nGuys: Whoa, whoa, whoa!\nChandler Bing: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.\nRachel Green: Settle what?\nChandler Bing: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...\nRoss Geller: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.\nRachel Green: Oh. Right.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?\nMonica Geller: Hell no, we'll pay!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready.\nMonica Geller: And you know what? We want a rematch.\nRoss Geller: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.\nRachel Green: : So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends.\nRoss Geller: ...Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.\nRoss Geller: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt...\nJoey Tribbiani: ...Yeah?\nRoss Geller: I'm not a nice guy.\nRoss Geller: Alright boys, let's eat.\nChandler Bing: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?\nRoss Geller: You still on that?\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? : \"When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!\"\nRoss Geller: You are way off, pal.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her.\nRoss Geller: Um... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one timenot any more. I justI...\nRoss Geller: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc?\nRoss Geller: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.\nRachel Green: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ha. Ha, ha.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.\nMonica Geller: Please! I am not as bad as Ross.\nRachel Green: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?\nMonica Geller: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand.\nRachel Green: Oooooh. : Oh! I got an interview! I got an interview!\nMonica Geller: You're kidding! Where? Where?\nRachel Green: : Sak's... Fifth... Avenue.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Rachel!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.\nMonica Geller: Well, what's the job?\nRachel Green: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living!\nMonica Geller: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says. Hi!\nAunt Iris: Is Tony Randall dead?\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: I don't think so.\nRachel Green: Why?\nAunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Really?\nAunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. : Nice earrings.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank y...\nAunt Iris: Girls, sit down.\nMonica Geller: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel...\nAunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything else?\nRoss Geller: Alright.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna pay for that tonight.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what!\nChandler Bing: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?\nRachel Green: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!\nEveryone: That's great! That's wonderful!\nRachel Green: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story...\nMonica Geller: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's play poker.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand.\nChandler Bing: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary?\nMonica Geller: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies?\nRoss Geller: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those?\nRachel Green: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go.\nRoss Geller: Alright.\nRachel Green: Alright...\nRoss Geller: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones.\nJoey Tribbiani: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, here's my $7.50. But I think you should know that this money is cursed.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it.\nChandler Bing: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.\nRoss Geller: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...\nRachel Green: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women.\nMonica Geller: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever.\nRachel Green: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon.\nRoss Geller: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.\nRachel Green: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.\nMonica Geller: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. Right, OK, serious poker.\nMonica Geller: Excuse me, where are you going?\nRoss Geller: Uh... to the bathroom.\nMonica Geller: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?\nRoss Geller: I want to go to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over.\nMonica Geller: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! ... or no.\nRoss Geller: Alright. : Your money's mine, Green.\nRachel Green: Your fly is open, Geller.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?\nChandler Bing: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Um... I'm out.\nRachel Green: I'm in.\nMonica Geller: Me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too. Alright, whattaya got.\nRoss Geller: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush.\nRachel Green: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. I think that one was Ross's, and I thinkohthat one was Ross's. Yes! : Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it...\nRachel Green: And your fly's still open...\nRachel Green: Ha, I made you look...\nRachel Green: I couldn't be inner. Monica?\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, in or out?\nMonica Geller: I hate this game!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK Joey, your bet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. Oh, I'm out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I am very in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Couldn't be more out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too. Rachel.\nRachel Green: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck?\nRoss Geller: No, not this time. So... what'd you have?\nRachel Green: I'm not telling.\nRoss Geller: Come on, show them to me.\nRachel Green: No..!\nRoss Geller: Show them to me!\nRachel Green: Get your hands out of there! No!\nRoss Geller: Let me see! Show them!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I've had dates like this.\nRachel Green: Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple...\nPhoebe Buffay: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.\nRoss Geller: First of all, I'm not losing...\nRachel Green: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing.\nRoss Geller: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...\nRachel Green: Hel-lo, Rachel Green.\nRoss Geller: Mee mee, mee-mee mee.\nRachel Green: Excuse me. It's about the job.\nRachel Green: Barbara! Hi, how are you? Uh-huh. No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, pleaHello? Hello?\nMonica Geller: Sorry, Rach.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.\nRachel Green: Yeah... ...OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this.\nRachel Green: Yes, we do.\nMonica Geller: Alright, check.\nJoey Tribbiani: Check.\nRoss Geller: I'm in for fifty cents.\nChandler Bing: Call.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm in.\nRachel Green: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars.\nRoss Geller: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit.\nRachel Green: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?\nRachel Green: : Loser?\nRoss Geller: No, I fold.\nRachel Green: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?\nRoss Geller: I'm in.\nRachel Green: How many you want?\nRoss Geller: One.\nRachel Green: Dealer takes two. What do you bet?\nRoss Geller: I bet two dollars.\nRachel Green: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty.\nRoss Geller: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five.\nRachel Green: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, there's nothing in it.\nRachel Green: OK, then get me your purse.\nMonica Geller: OK, here you go. Good luck.\nRachel Green: : Thank you. : I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven.\nPhoebe Buffay: ...teen!\nRoss Geller: : Joey, I'm a little shy.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What?\nChandler Bing: : What do you need, what do you need?\nRoss Geller: Fifteen.\nChandler Bing: Alright, here's ten.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here, I got five, I got five.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Good luck.\nRoss Geller: : OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?\nRachel Green: Full house.\nRoss Geller: You got me.\nJoey Tribbiani: : Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat.\nChandler Bing: : I thought we had them!\nRoss Geller: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. But, uh... look how happy she is.\nChandler Bing: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport '79!\nRachel Green: Oh, time's up.\nMonica Geller: Bye... bye... BIRDIE.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a bird?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a bird!\nRachel Green: OK, OK, it's my turn.\nChandler Bing: Go.\nRoss Geller: Uh... bean! Bean!\nJoey Tribbiani: The Unbearable Likeness of Being!\nRachel Green: Yes!\nMonica Geller: That, you get? That, you get?"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? Okay.\nMonica Geller: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!\nMonica Geller: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?\nRachel Green: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.\nMonica Geller: What is it?\nRachel Green: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!\nMonica Geller: Barry who you almost...?\nRachel Green: Barry who I almost.\nMonica Geller: And Mindy, your maid of...?\nRachel Green: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!\nMonica Geller: That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. Lucky. To have had a friend like you.\nRoss Geller: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. 'Bring me the' and- Rach?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.\nRoss Geller: Really.\nRachel Green: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.\nRoss Geller: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...\nRoss Geller: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.\nRachel Green: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi, how was the movie?\nMonica Geller: Wonderful!\nPhoebe Buffay: So good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Suck-fest.\nChandler Bing: Toootal chick-flick.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.\nMonica Geller: There was nudity!\nJoey Tribbiani: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.\nRoss Geller: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.\nChandler Bing: They're still just friends, right?\nRachel Green: And I will see you tomorrow!\nRoss Geller: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.\nMonica Geller: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?\nRoss Geller: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.\nJoey Tribbiani: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.\nChandler Bing: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.\nJoey Tribbiani: She really said that?\nRoss Geller: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Tonight' tonight?\nRoss Geller: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...\nChandler Bing: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.\nRachel Green: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- Marcel? Marc-\nJoey Tribbiani: How could you lose him?\nRachel Green: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-\nMonica Geller: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?\nRachel Green: I don't know. The left one.\nMonica Geller: Which ones?\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nEveryone: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?\nChandler Bing: Rachel lost Marcel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, how?\nMonica Geller: He- he pooped in my shoe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which one?\nMonica Geller: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...\nRachel Green: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.\nRachel Green: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!\nMonica Geller: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.\nRachel Green: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?\nMonica Geller: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.\nRachel Green: Anybody wanna trade? Oh...\nMr. Heckles: Whaddyou want?\nMonica Geller: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?\nMr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?\nMonica Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?\nMr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.\nMonica Geller: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?\nMr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles.\nMr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.\nRachel Green: Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?\nRachel Green: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. You, uh, you want some?\nRachel Green: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?\nRoss Geller: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? Well-\nRachel Green: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.\nRoss Geller: Okay, quick and painful.\nRachel Green: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.\nRoss Geller: Oh, what? What-what?\nRachel Green: Y'know Marcel?\nRoss Geller: ...Yeah?\nRachel Green: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.\nRoss Geller: I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.\nRachel Green: I know, I know, I'm sorry-\nRoss Geller: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.\nRachel Green: Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- Oh! Who is it?\nIntercom: Animal Control.\nRachel Green: See? I've even called Animal Control!\nRoss Geller: You called Animal Control?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?\nRoss Geller: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.\nRachel Green: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...\nRoss Geller: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!\nRachel Green: Hi, thanks for coming.\nLuisa Gianetti: Somebody called about a monkey?\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.\nRachel Green: Turned out it was a hat.\nRoss Geller: Cat!\nRachel Green: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!\nMonica Geller: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.\nLuisa Gianetti: Marcel?\nRoss Geller: My uncle Marcel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?\nLuisa Gianetti: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?\nMonica Geller: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, but there isn't always time!\nMonica Geller: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.\nLuisa Gianetti: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nLuisa Gianetti: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!\nRachel Green: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!\nMonica Geller: The Luisa from home room!\nRachel Green: Yes!!\nLuisa Gianetti: You have no idea who I am, do you.\nMonica Geller: No, none at all.\nRachel Green: None.\nLuisa Gianetti: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!\nLuisa Gianetti: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. But you? What a bitch!\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?\nLuisa Gianetti: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.\nChandler Bing: Marcel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Marcel?\nChandler Bing: Marcel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Marcel?\nWoman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?\nChandler Bing: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...\nJoey Tribbiani: A monkey.\nChandler Bing: Yes have you seen any?\nWoman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators?\nJoey Tribbiani: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?\nWoman No. 1: Of course.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Then, no.\nWoman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?\nWoman No. 1: Just a sec. Hope you find your monkey.\nChandler Bing: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?\nChandler Bing: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.\nJoey Tribbiani: We can't, alright? We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.\nChandler Bing: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.\nJoey Tribbiani: Marcel?\nChandler Bing: Marcel?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Marcel?\nMonica Geller: Marcel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Marcel?\nBoth: Marcel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh-my-God!\nMonica Geller: Whaaat!\nPhoebe Buffay: Something just brushed up against my right leg!\nMonica Geller: What is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.\nMonica Geller: Look, Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!\nLuisa Gianetti: Step aside, ladies!\nMonica Geller: What're you gonna do?\nLuisa Gianetti: Just a small tranquiliser.\nMonica Geller: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! Are you okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, think so. Oh! Huh. Whoah.\nMonica Geller: Oh gosh.\nRoss Geller: Marcel?\nRachel Green: Marcel?\nRoss Geller: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.\nRachel Green: Ross, you don't know that.\nRoss Geller: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.\nRachel Green: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!\nRachel Green: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...\nRachel Green: Ross.\nRoss Geller: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...\nRachel Green: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Oh, forget it, okay?\nRachel Green: Ross!\nRoss Geller: What? What?\nBoth: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.\nRoss Geller: Hi, did you order some bananas?\nMr. Heckles: What about it?\nRoss Geller: Gimme back my monkey.\nMr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.\nRachel Green: Then what's with all the bananas?\nMr. Heckles: Potassium.\nRoss Geller: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?\nRoss Geller: Marcel! What've you done to him?\nMr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.\nRoss Geller: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon.\nMr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti.\nRoss Geller: C'mere, Marcel.\nMr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti.\nLuisa Gianetti: Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! Gotcha.\nRoss Geller: Okay, gimme my monkey back.\nMr. Heckles: That's my monkey.\nLuisa Gianetti: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.\nMr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.\nRoss Geller: Alright, I want my monkey.\nLuisa Gianetti: No!\nRachel Green: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!\nLuisa Gianetti: Sorry, prom queen.\nRoss Geller: You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.\nRachel Green: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!\nLuisa Gianetti: Nope.\nRachel Green: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?\nRoss Geller: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.\nRachel Green: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.\nRoss Geller: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?\nRachel Green: That'd be good.\nRoss Geller: Alright. The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...\nBarry Farber: Rachel.\nRachel Green: Barry?!\nBarry Farber: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.\nRoss Geller: We have got to start locking that door!\nMonica Geller: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope.\nMonica Geller: That's because I'm in front of them.\nChandler Bing: Eh. I thought that was an alp.\nMonica Geller: Well, high school was not my favourite time.\nJoey Tribbiani: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.\nMonica Geller: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.\nRoss Geller: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so sick.\nChandler Bing: I feel violated. And not in a good way.\nPhoebe Buffay: How can people do that?... Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!\nChandler Bing: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...\nMonica Geller: So have you called her yet?\nChandler Bing: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? I'm right, right?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!\nChandler Bing: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. I got her machine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Her answer machine?\nChandler Bing: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, uh, why didn't you say anything?\nChandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase \"Yes indeedy-o.\"\nMonica Geller: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody look at once!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, they're just talking...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was just told to shove anything?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, don't do that!!\nRoss Geller: What? What? What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! Oh!\nChandler Bing: And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.\nEveryone: Oh!... Right!\nChandler Bing: Hey Rach!\nMonica Geller: How'd it go?\nRachel Green: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...\nPhoebe Buffay: Not a good day for birds...\nRachel Green: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel...\nRoss Geller: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, hmm?\nRachel Green: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice!\nRoss Geller: That's, that's nice twice!\nMonica Geller: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?\nJoey Tribbiani: Duh, where've you been?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nRachel Green: Why?\nChandler Bing: I have my reasons.\nMonica Geller: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman, who just happens to be your ex-best friend?\nRachel Green: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it!\nRachel Green: Wow... Wow!\nBarry Farber: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that.\nBarry Farber: Nooo, it wasn't.\nRachel Green: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here...\nChandler Bing: Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye-bye. Oh God!\nMonica Geller: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!\nChandler Bing: Hey, I've been honing!\nRoss Geller: What was with the dishes?\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.\nMonica Geller: Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Go away! Stop looking in here!\nMonica Geller: Great, now he's waving back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!\nMonica Geller: What kinda stuff?\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.\nPhoebe Buffay: You cook naked?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.\nChandler Bing: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.\nBarry Farber: What's the matter?\nRachel Green: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good.\nBarry Farber: No, it was. It was very very good.\nRachel Green: Well, what about Mindy?\nBarry Farber: Oh, way, way better than Mindy.\nRachel Green: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy?\nBarry Farber: Well, if you want, I'll justI'll just break it off with her.\nRachel Green: No. No-no-no-no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I mean not for me.\nBernice: Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.\nBarry Farber: Thanks, Bernice. Let's go away this weekend.\nRachel Green: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too..\nBarry Farber: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. You would've liked it.\nRachel Green: I had a bra.\nBobby Rush: Hey, Dr. Farber.\nBarry Farber: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here.\nRachel Green: What?!\nBobby Rush: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid.\nChandler Bing: Can I use your phone?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.\nChandler Bing: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe she never got your message.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.\nChandler Bing: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...\nRoss Geller: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?\nChandler Bing: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.\nPhoebe Buffay: How many beeps?\nChandler Bing: She answered.\nMonica Geller: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about.\nChandler Bing: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.\nEveryone: Hey! Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: How'd he take it?\nRachel Green: Pretty well, actually...\nMonica Geller: Uh, Rach... how come you have dental floss in your hair?\nRachel Green: Oh, do I?\nMonica Geller: Uh huh.\nRachel Green: We ended up having sex in his chair.\nMonica Geller: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?\nRoss Geller: You-you had what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sex in his chair.\nRoss Geller: What, uh... what were you thinking?\nRachel Green: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.\nRoss Geller: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!\nRachel Green: Please. If she said to you, \"Ross, I want you on this couch, right here, right now,\" what would you say?\nChandler Bing: If it helps, I could slide over.\nRoss Geller: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where are you going?\nRoss Geller: I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?\nChandler Bing: Hello? Hello?\nRachel Green: Hello? Mindy! Hi! Hey, how are you? Yes, yes, I've heard, congratulations, that is so great. Really? Oh. Okay. Okay, well I'm working tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can come by and... Okay... Great... Great... All right, so I'll, so I'll see you tomorrow! Okay.. Okay... Bye. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.\nChandler Bing: So how's Mindy?\nRachel Green: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be!\nMonica Geller: Brrrrrrr!\nChandler Bing: Hell is filled with people like you.\nJoey Tribbiani: He's back! The peeper's back!\nJoey Tribbiani: Get down!\nRachel Green: Get down?\nChandler Bing: ...And boogie!\nRachel Green: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.\nMonica Geller: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know.\nRachel Green: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it about? Oh! She was my best friend, you guys! We went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss..\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRachel Green: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..\nJoey Tribbiani: ..Naughty!\nRachel Green: Right, I'll see you guys later...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- That's fine, yeah...\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just take it with you?\nChandler Bing: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just call her?\nChandler Bing: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.\nMonica Geller: Do you?\nChandler Bing: No! Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. Okay. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...\nMonica Geller: Don't you have to pee?\nChandler Bing: 'S'why I'm dancing...\nRachel Green: Mindy.\nMindy Hunter: Hey, you.\nRachel Green: Hey, you... So, what's up?\nMindy Hunter: Um.. we should really be sitting for this.\nRachel Green: Sure we should... So.\nMindy Hunter: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ...Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMindy Hunter: Will you be my maid of honour?\nRachel Green: Of course!\nMindy Hunter: Oh that's so great!\nRachel Green: Was that all you wanted to ask me?\nMindy Hunter: That's all!\nRachel Green: Ohhhh!! ...What? What?\nMindy Hunter: That's not all.\nRachel Green: Oh sure it is!\nMindy Hunter: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.\nRachel Green: Um, what- what would make you think that?\nMindy Hunter: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.\nRachel Green: Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better, when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too.\nMindy Hunter: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of!\nRachel Green: What? What's what you were afraid of?\nMindy Hunter: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.\nRachel Green: What?\nMindy Hunter: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said \"Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel,\" and now I feel so stupid.\nRachel Green: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.\nMindy Hunter: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: Smell familiar?\nMindy Hunter: Oh no.\nRachel Green: Oh, I am so sorry.\nMindy Hunter: No me, I am so sorry...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my.\nRoss Geller: Four letters: \"Circle or hoop\".\nChandler Bing: Ring dammit, ring!\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know our phone's not working?\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer.\nChandler Bing: I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!\nMonica Geller: Just like you told her you did! ... Just pointing out the irony.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?\nChandler Bing: Nngghhh!!!!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I use your phone? Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.\nRoss Geller: \"Heating device.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Radiator.\nRoss Geller: Five letters.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rdtor.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, is Sidney there? Oh, this is? Sidney's a woman.\nMonica Geller: So she's a woman! So what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yeah, so what? Look, I live across the street, and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? Yeah, I can see you right now! Hello! If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like Thank you, but... that's not really the point... The point is that... Mostly free weights, but occasionally..\nMonica Geller: Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, my neighbor... Yeah, the brunette... She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress.\nMonica Geller: The green dress? Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day.\nMonica Geller: Nooo!\nRachel Green: Hey. Got a second?\nBarry Farber: Sure, sure. Come on... ...in...\nMindy Hunter: Hello, sweetheart.\nBarry Farber: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing here?\nRachel Green: Uh, we are here to break up with you.\nBarry Farber: Both of you?\nMindy Hunter: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you.\nBarry Farber: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an idiot, I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much!\nRachel Green: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr?\nBarry Farber: ...Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy.\nRachel Green: Even when we were having sex in that chair?\nBarry Farber: I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you.\nRachel Green: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup!\nMindy Hunter: You did it twice?\nRachel Green: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, y'know, 's'Barry.\nMindy Hunter: Okay...\nBarry Farber: Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another chance, okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Aruba.\nBernice: Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer.\nBarry Farber: Oh God... I'll be right there, Bernice. Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be, I'll be right back.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great.\nMindy Hunter: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him.\nRachel Green: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock!\nMindy Hunter: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.\nRachel Green: Oh God.\nMindy Hunter: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor...?\nRachel Green: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba.\nMonica Geller: You okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now I know.\nMonica Geller: Aww...\nJoey Tribbiani: Big day.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...\nPhoebe Buffay: You know he's gay?\nRoss Geller: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut?\nDanielle: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.\nEveryone: Hi. Hi.\nChandler Bing: What are you doing here?\nDanielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay.\nChandler Bing: ...I'm, I'm okay.\nDanielle: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later?\nChandler Bing: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...\nDanielle: You got it.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nDanielle: G'bye, everybody.\nEveryone: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoo-hoo!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, there you go!\nRoss Geller: Second date!\nChandler Bing: ...I dunno.\nRachel Green: You don't know?!\nChandler Bing: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?\nMonica Geller: I have no idea. But look how much they spent!\nRachel Green: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.\nMonica Geller: I know. It's just such reckless spending.\nRoss Geller: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.\nChandler Bing: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.\nMonica Geller: That's me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again!\nRoss Geller: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- come here, Marcel-\nRachel Green: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.\nMonica Geller: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.\nRoss Geller: What? It's, it's just a phase.\nChandler Bing: Well, that's what we said about Joey...\nRoss Geller: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.\nRachel Green: Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.\nRachel Green: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.\nMonica Geller: This woman's living my life.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.\nRachel Green: You're not an artist.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.\nRachel Green: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things.\nMonica Geller: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...\nMonica Geller: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?\nRachel Green: Nooo...\nMonica Geller: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.\nChandler Bing: How about Joey... Pepponi?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.\nChandler Bing: Joey... Switzerland?\nJoey Tribbiani: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. Which I'm not.\nChandler Bing: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?\nJoey Tribbiani: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar.\nChandler Bing: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...\nJoey Tribbiani: Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good.\nChandler Bing: Might wanna try Joseph.\nJoey Tribbiani: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!\nChandler Bing: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Alright, great. Thanks a lot. I'm going to tap class.\nRachel Green: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?\nMonica Geller: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is.\nRachel Green: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.\nMonica Geller: What d'you think?\nPhoebe Buffay: Lotsa things.\nRachel Green: Which one do you think she is?\nTeacher: May I help you?\nMonica Geller: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.\nTeacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.\nRachel Green: What does she mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think she means 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon.\nMonica Geller: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me?\nTeacher: People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!\nRachel Green: She could be you.\nTeacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight...\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm not getting this!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm totally getting it!\nMonica Geller: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated?\nRachel Green: What? You just click when they click.\nTeacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.\nMonica Geller: Great. It's gym class all over again.\nTeacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.\nMonica Geller: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.\nWoman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl?\nTeacher: She's your partner.\nWoman: Hi. I'm Monica.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana.\nWoman: Monana?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. It's Dutch.\nFake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam.\nMonica Geller: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.\nTeacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight...\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where've you been?\nRoss Geller: At the vet.\nChandler Bing: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?\nRoss Geller: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! He beat ya.\nRoss Geller: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting agressive and violent.\nChandler Bing: So what does this mean?\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna have to give him up.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!\nChandler Bing: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?\nRoss Geller: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.\nJoey Tribbiani: Isn't there any way you can keep him?\nRoss Geller: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?\nChandler Bing: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.\nRoss Geller: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you call the cops?\nRachel Green: Nope. We took her to lunch.\nChandler Bing: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.\nRoss Geller: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.\nChandler Bing: ...Take off their hats!\nPhoebe Buffay: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.\nRachel Green: No way. No way did you do this.\nFake Monica: Monana was very brave.\nMonica Geller: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!\nFake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...\nMonica Geller: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!\nRachel Green: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up.\nFake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.\nMonica Geller: 'Scuse me?\nFake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?\nMonica Geller: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.\nFake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.\nMonica Geller: What?\nFake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?\nMonica Geller: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.\nFake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nFake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.\nMonica Geller: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.\nRoss Geller: Oh God. We didn't get into Scranton. That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.\nRoss Geller: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?\nRachel Green: Oh, somebody will.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?\nChandler Bing: You're kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, you'd think I would've.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?\nPhoebe Buffay: ...Flame Boy.\nRoss Geller: Where exactly is your zoo?\nDr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?\nRoss Geller: Yes.\nDr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?\nRoss Geller: No-no, he's, he's very docile.\nDr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered?\nRoss Geller: Well I, I don't know. Why?\nDr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?\nRoss Geller: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...\nDr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?\nRoss Geller: Why- why- why would he need a blade?\nDr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.\nJoey Tribbiani: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...\nChandler Bing: ...He's in.\nRoss Geller: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!\nDr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.\nMonica Geller: Yo- hooo!\nRachel Green: Where the hell've you been?\nMonica Geller: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.\nRachel Green: Are you drunk?!\nMonica Geller: Noooo! I'm lying. I am so drunk.\nRachel Green: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've called, I have been up here, I've been worried...\nRachel Green: Monica? Monica!\nMonica Geller: Water rules!\nRachel Green: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?\nMonica Geller: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.\nRachel Green: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job! This is not you!\nMonica Geller: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!\nRachel Green: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.\nMonica Geller: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: They've arrested Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nFake Monica: Hey.\nMonica Geller: How are you?\nFake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was here?\nMonica Geller: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using.\nFake Monica: That I was not expecting.\nMonica Geller: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in.\nFake Monica: Oh. Thanks.\nMonica Geller: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater!\nFake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.\nMonica Geller: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?\nFake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?\nMonica Geller: Well, not... worried, just... wondering.\nFake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who you are.\nMonica Geller: Not necessarily...\nFake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.\nMonica Geller: Um, I'm not actually Amish.\nFake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?\nTeacher: You by the door. In or out?\nMonica Geller: In.\nTeacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!\nAnnouncement: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane.\nRoss Geller: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nChandler Bing: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.\nJoey Tribbiani: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.\nRoss Geller: Just, just say what you feel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Marcel, I'm hungry.\nRoss Geller: That was good.\nRachel Green: Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.\nRoss Geller: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.\nEveryone: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely.\nRoss Geller: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.\nActor: Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...\nCasting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.\nCasting Director No. 2: Next.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.\nCasting Director No. 2: Name?\nJoey Tribbiani: Holden McGroin."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Tell him.\nRachel Green: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Tell him, tell him.\nMonica Geller: Just...please tell him.\nRachel Green: Shut up!\nChandler Bing: Tell me what?\nMonica Geller: Look at you, you won't even look at him.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.\nRachel Green: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...\nPhoebe Buffay: Doing it on this table.\nChandler Bing: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Exellent dream score.\nRoss Geller: Why, why, why would you dream that?\nChandler Bing: More importantly, was I any good?\nRachel Green: Well, you were pretty damn good.\nChandler Bing: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate.\nRachel Green: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.\nRoss Geller: I love it, when we share.\nChandler Bing: You're okay there?\nRoss Geller: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.\nChandler Bing: Hello Rachel.\nRachel Green: Get off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. What are you wearing?\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.\nChandler Bing: Pirates again?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this \"massage-yourself-at-home-workshop.\" And they are.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.\nChandler Bing: Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?\nChandler Bing: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. It's a whole big boob story.\nPhoebe Buffay: I could be a secretary.\nChandler Bing: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.\nPhoebe Buffay: I could do that.\nRachel Green: What are you playing with?\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's my new beeper.\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?\nMonica Geller: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'\nRoss Geller: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.\nChandler Bing: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.\nMonica Geller: All right, I'll see you guys later.\nRachel Green: Off to see young Ethan?\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: How young is young Ethan? Young?\nMonica Geller: He's... our age.\nChandler Bing: When we were?\nMonica Geller: Okay, he's a senior in college.\nRoss Geller: College?\nChandler Bing: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?\nMonica Geller: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22.\nEveryone: What?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I can't pass for 22?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe 25-26.\nMonica Geller: I am 26.\nPhoebe Buffay: There you go.\nChandler Bing: Can you hear that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: See that'll stop when you pick up the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Uh, I'm on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mr. Bing's office. No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.\nChandler Bing: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.\nPhoebe Buffay: Will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross says hi.\nChandler Bing: Ah!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?\nChandler Bing: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.\nPhoebe Buffay: Most likely. Okay, I'm gonna be out there.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Bye bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye bye.\nChandler Bing: Yes?\nPhoebe Buffay: Whatcha doin'?\nChandler Bing: Ooh.\nMonica Geller: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? No, cause I made lasagne. Am I out of control?\nRachel Green: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Could tonight be the Night?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.\nRachel Green: So, did you shave your legs?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: A-ha!\nJoey Tribbiani: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't mean...\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. No, Andr is not here. Third time today. Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.\nJoey Tribbiani: Services? Oh, services.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. All rightie, bye bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey. How was the first day?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.\nChandler Bing: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. Me.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought you knew that.\nChandler Bing: Noho. Who doesn't they like me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.\nChandler Bing: What are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like \"Mr. Boss Man\". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, \"Boss Man Bing\".\nChandler Bing: I can't belive it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.\nChandler Bing: They do me?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?'\nChandler Bing: I don't sound like that.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh Chandler...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... Yeah, you do.\nRoss Geller: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'\nJoey Tribbiani: My scones.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.\nChandler Bing: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!\nMonica Geller: Did not.\nEthan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen.\nMonica Geller: How was that possible?\nEthan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? Oh, ah. I should go.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nEthan: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Unless...\nEthan: What?\nMonica Geller: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so...\nEthan: Yeah, I'd really like that.\nEthan: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know.\nMonica Geller: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'\nEthan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh...\nMonica Geller: Ethan?\nEthan: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Are you a virgin?\nEthan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nEthan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?\nEthan: Wow!\nMonica Geller: You keep saying that.\nEthan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.\nMonica Geller: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.\nEthan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.\nMonica Geller: No-no. Nothing wrong about that.\nEthan: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.\nEthan: Huh!\nMonica Geller: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.\nEthan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.\nMonica Geller: You're not a senior?\nEthan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.\nMonica Geller: Ok...ay.\nMonica Geller: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.\nEthan: I just had sex.\nMonica Geller: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?\nEthan: Well, you never told me how old you were.\nMonica Geller: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?\nEthan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'...\nMonica Geller: Don't say it.\nEthan: ...in love with you.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nEthan: Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.\nEthan: Who?\nRoss Geller: Okay, Andr should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. Just easier that way.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.\nRachel Green: No, forget it.\nChandler Bing: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?\nRachel Green: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. Joey was there too.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nRoss Geller: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there.\nRachel Green: No.\nRoss Geller: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?\nRachel Green: No, it was just the three of us.\nRoss Geller: Huh!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?\nRachel Green: You know what?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: There were times when it wasn't even me.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so sweet, you guys.\nRachel Green: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon?\nEveryone: Mon!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Ethan called again.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Are you not seeing him anymore?\nMonica Geller: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out.\nChandler Bing: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.\nRachel Green: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. He stopped by.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah.\nMonica Geller: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?\nRoss Geller: It's morphin time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Stegosaurus!\nChandler Bing: Tyrannosaurus!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. Cool!\nRachel Green: Where are you going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.\nChandler Bing: Work people? Nobody told me.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.\nChandler Bing: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.\nChandler Bing: You think I should?\nPhoebe Buffay: I really do, yeah.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.\nChandler Bing: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.\nPhoebe Buffay: You were great. But they still made fun of you.\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, now you're more like, you know like, \"Mr. Caring Boss,\" \"Mr.\", you know, \"I'm one of you, Boss,\" \"Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!\"\nChandler Bing: Then, I don't get it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.\nChandler Bing: They do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.\nChandler Bing: I just wan't to...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but you can't.\nChandler Bing: But I just wa...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh uh.\nMonica Geller: Aren't you gonna...\nRoss Geller: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.\nJoey Tribbiani: What about Andre?\nRoss Geller: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.\nEthan: Hey.\nMonica Geller: That was gonna be my opener.\nRachel Green: Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom?\nRoss Geller: I thought that was just a rumour.\nRachel Green: True story.\nJoey Tribbiani: They're here already?\nEthan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.\nMonica Geller: It was.\nEthan: Then, what's the problem?\nMonica Geller: Ethan, it's um... it's icky.\nEthan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky?\nMonica Geller: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...\nEthan: No, don't say it.\nMonica Geller: ...love you.\nRoss Geller: Are you're hands still wet?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, moist, yeah.\nRachel Green: Let's dry 'em again.\nGerston: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? Hey, Chandler.\nSantos: Hello, Mr. Bing.\nPetrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night.\nChandler Bing: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.\nSantos: Sure.\nGerston: No problem.\nChandler Bing: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?\nPhoebe Buffay: Petrie.\nChandler Bing: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.\nRachel Green: Oooooooooh. Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!\nRachel Green: Ross?\nRoss Geller: I'm here.\nRachel Green: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!\nRoss Geller: What? Great, now I'm having a baby.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Ooh, Ooh.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I'm having... I'm having a baby. I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?\nRachel Green: I don't know where the phone is.\nRachel Green: Ross?\nRoss Geller: I'm hurt.\nRoss Geller: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.\nChandler Bing: Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.\nRoss Geller: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.\nRachel Green: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there.\nRoss Geller: Joey, get out of the fridge.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right.\nRoss Geller: What is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: For the ride.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, like in a cab...\nRoss Geller: Save it.\nChandler Bing: Okay, hating this.\nRoss Geller: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.\nMonica Geller: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew.\nRoss Geller: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm going. I'm going.\nChandler Bing: Here we go, here we go.\nRachel Green: Rossy, Rossy."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.\nMonica Geller: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do we have to know about that?\nMonica Geller: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.\nChandler Bing: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.\nRoss Geller: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.\nRachel Green: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?\nChandler Bing: You have to pick your moments.\nPhoebe Buffay: Did I miss it, did I miss it?\nRoss Geller: She's not even here yet.\nMonica Geller: What's with the guitar?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.\nRoss Geller: Where the hell have you been?\nSusan Bunch: We stopped at the gift shop.\nCarol Willick: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.\nRoss Geller: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.\nChandler Bing: I used to have that bumper sticker.\nChandler Bing: You see what I mean.\nRoss Geller: Stopped for a Chunky.\nCarol Willick: Let it go, Ross.\nSusan Bunch: I got an extra one. You want this?\nRoss Geller: No.\nDr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?\nRoss Geller: Dr. Franzblau, hi.\nDr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?\nCarol Willick: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.\nSusan Bunch: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.\nRoss Geller: 59 seconds. Quartz, ha.\nSusan Bunch: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.\nCarol Willick: Am I allowed to drink anything?\nDr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.\nRoss Geller: I'll get it.\nSusan Bunch: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.\nRoss Geller: I got itI'm getting it!\nRachel Green: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.\nCarol Willick: Thanks.\nRachel Green: And if you need anything else, I do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.\nDr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's funny!\nMonica Geller: I want a baby.\nChandler Bing: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.\nMonica Geller: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.\nChandler Bing: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.\nLydia: Knick fan?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah.\nLydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, listen, lady... ...whoa.\nLydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? And who do you like?\nLydia: The Celtics.\nJoey Tribbiani: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?\nLydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!\nLydia: There is no father.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.\nLydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.\nLydia: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: \nPhoebe Buffay: They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry...\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.\nMonica Geller: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?\nChandler Bing: You'll get one.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah? When?\nChandler Bing: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?\nMonica Geller: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.\nMonica Geller: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?\nChandler Bing: No, no, no.\nMonica Geller: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?\nChandler Bing: Uh, uh.\nMonica Geller: Well?\nChandler Bing: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.\nMonica Geller: Did you go home and change?\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?\nMonica Geller: No, I haven't seen him.\nRachel Green: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. What if the baby needs him?\nChandler Bing: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?\nRachel Green: Yeah, why?\nChandler Bing: No reason.\nLydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. What do you mean, Joey who? Joey who?\nJoey Tribbiani: Tribbiani.\nLydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, yeah, it's me. Oh, no no no, we're just friends. Yeah, I'm single. 25. An actor. Hello?\nLydia: She's not much of a phone person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?\nLydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.\nLydia: Maybe you should.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.\nLydia: Oh, that is so not true.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it is.\nLydia: It isn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: It is.\nLydia: Isn't!\nRoss Geller: Breathe.\nSusan Bunch: Breathe.\nRoss Geller: Breathe.\nSusan Bunch: Breathe.\nRoss Geller: Breathe.\nSusan Bunch: Breathe.\nCarol Willick: You're gonna kill me!\nRoss Geller: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...\nCarol Willick: Count faster.\nSusan Bunch: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.\nRoss Geller: Who the hell is Jordie?\nSusan Bunch: Your son.\nRoss Geller: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.\nCarol Willick: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.\nRoss Geller: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.\nCarol Willick: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.\nRoss Geller: I got it.\nSusan Bunch: I got it.\nRoss Geller: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.\nSusan Bunch: No, you don't.\nCarol Willick: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.\nRoss Geller: Why?\nSusan Bunch: He started it!\nRoss Geller: No, you started it.\nSusan Bunch: You did!\nCarol Willick: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.\nRoss Geller: But...\nCarol Willick: Now go!\nRoss Geller: Thanks a lot.\nSusan Bunch: See what you did.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, listen...\nCarol Willick: Out!\nNurse Sizemore: Breathe, breathe, breathe...\nLydia: Oh, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!\nNurse Sizemore: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?\nNurse Sizemore: Breathe, breathe, breathe.\nRoss Geller: Please. This is so your fault.\nSusan Bunch: How, how is this my fault?\nRoss Geller: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.\nSusan Bunch: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.\nRoss Geller: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?\nSusan Bunch: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm threatened by you?\nSusan Bunch: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, Susan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?\nEveryone: Help!\nRoss Geller: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. Ow.\nCarol Willick: Are they here yet?\nRachel Green: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?\nCarol Willick: Ok.\nRachel Green: Ok?\nCarol Willick: Ok.\nRachel Green: Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.\nDr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. There you go, dear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!\nSusan Bunch: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?\nRoss Geller: Help! Help!\nPhoebe Buffay: They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next... la la la la la la.\nMonica Geller: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. No, he's gone. No no, you don't have to fly back, really. What do you mean this might be your only chance? Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.\nChandler Bing: Where have you been?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, just had a baby.\nChandler Bing: Mazel tov!\nDr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?\nRachel Green: No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?\nDr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.\nRachel Green: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.\nDr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nDr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?\nRachel Green: I'm a waitress.\nDr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...\nRachel Green: Yeah. Gotcha.\nDr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.\nRachel Green: Ok. That's fine.\nLydia: So how did you know I was even here?\nGuy: Your mom called me. So is this her?\nLydia: No, this is a loaner.\nGuy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.\nLydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. So, did you see who won the game?\nGuy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.\nLydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.\nRoss Geller: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.\nSusan Bunch: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.\nRoss Geller: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?\nSusan Bunch: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.\nRoss Geller: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is so great.\nRoss Geller: You wanna explain that?\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. I'm sorry, you were fighting.\nCarol Willick: Where are they?\nMonica Geller: I'm sure they'll be here soon.\nRachel Green: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.\nChandler Bing: You are really frightening me.\nChandler Bing: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. Uh, that's great. Anybody seen a nipple?\nDr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.\nNurse Sizemore: All right, honey, time to start pushing.\nCarol Willick: But they're not here yet!\nDr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.\nCarol Willick: Oh, god.\nRoss Geller: Ok, got the vent open.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!\nRoss Geller: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.\nSusan Bunch: What do you see?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.\nRoss Geller: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!\nJanitor: Wait! You forgot your legs!\nEveryone: Push, push!\nRoss Geller: We're here!\nCarol Willick: Where have you been?\nRoss Geller: Long story, honey.\nDr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need Excuse me, could I have this?\nNurse Sizemore: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!\nEveryone: Good luck!\nChandler Bing: Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?\nNurse Sizemore: Out!\nDr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.\nRoss Geller: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?\nCarol Willick: Not... helping!\nDr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.\nRoss Geller: Hello! Oh, sorry.\nSusan Bunch: What do you see? What do you see?\nRoss Geller: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.\nSusan Bunch: Oh, look at that.\nCarol Willick: What does he look like?\nRoss Geller: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.\nCarol Willick: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, he's beautiful!\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!\nSusan Bunch: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.\nRoss Geller: How 'bout Ben?\nSusan Bunch: I like Ben.\nCarol Willick: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?\nRoss Geller: We uh, we just cooked it up.\nSusan Bunch: That's what we were off doing.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Can we come in?\nRoss Geller: I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.\nPhoebe Buffay: Susan, he looks just like you.\nSusan Bunch: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.\nChandler Bing: I know, I still am one of these.\nMonica Geller: Ross, can I?\nRoss Geller: The head, the head. You gotta...\nMonica Geller: Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.\nRoss Geller: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. But I'll still always come back, like this. And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. But I'll still always come back, like this.\nChandler Bing: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this.\nMonica Geller: He is so amazing.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know. Look at him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. Look, he's opening his eyes.\nJoey Tribbiani: He doesn't do much, does he?\nRoss Geller: No, this is pretty much it.\nRachel Green: You guys wanna get some coffee?\nEveryone: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: All right, I'll see you guys later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: And here's little Ben nodding off...\nMonica Geller: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut!\nRachel Green: Oh, let me see! Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over!\nRoss Geller: That would be nice.\nRachel Green: Pardon?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.\nJoey Tribbiani: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.\nChandler Bing: ... And where's this money coming from?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.\nRoss Geller: What kind of research?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, just, y'know... science.\nRoss Geller: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that.\nJoey Tribbiani: ... It's a fertility study.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!\nMonica Geller: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns...\nPhoebe Buffay: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew...\nChandler Bing: Men are here.\nJoey Tribbiani: We make fire. Cook meat.\nChandler Bing: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.\nMonica Geller: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your special someone?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, she's, uh... she's pretty great.\nMonica Geller: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?\nJoey Tribbiani: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?\nMonica Geller: Man's got a point.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.\nChandler Bing: Crazy bitch.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.\nMonica Geller: Joey... we always know what you mean.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?\nRoss Geller: I'm going to China.\nPhoebe Buffay: Jeez, you say one thing, and...\nMonica Geller: You're going to China?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the boit'sit's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary . Um... here's a picture of me...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, let me see!\nRoss Geller: : Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh... Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.\nRoss Geller: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?\nMonica Geller: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.\nRoss Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...\nRoss Geller: At the coffeehouse, right.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you do know who he is! Sorry.\nRoss Geller: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: ...I have to go to China.\nJoey Tribbiani: The country?\nRoss Geller: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is?\nChandler Bing: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore... no.\nRoss Geller: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!?\nChandler Bing: Forget about her.\nJoey Tribbiani: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.\nChandler Bing: Course there, they just call it food.\nRoss Geller: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK?\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man.\nChandler Bing: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.\nMelanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.\nChandler Bing: Ooooh.\nMonica Geller: OK, how does everybody like their burgers?\nRachel Green: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later.\nMonica Geller: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...\nJoey Tribbiani: Then you do. Heh, heh.\nMonica Geller: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you mean?\nMonica Geller: Y'know, just be there for her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not following you.\nMonica Geller: Think about it.\nRachel Green: OK, I'm guessing this is from...\nRachel Green: Well, thank you, Melanie.\nChandler Bing: OK, this one right here is from me.\nRachel Green: OK... ah, it's light... ...it rattles... it's... Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you!\nRachel Green: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And... ...it's a book!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!\nJoey Tribbiani: : That book got me through some tough times.\nMelanie: There is a little child inside this man!\nChandler Bing: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.\nRachel Green: Who's this from?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's Ross's.\nRachel Green: Oh... ... Oh my God. He remembered.\nPhoebe Buffay: Remembered what?\nRachel Green: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!\nChandler Bing: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe he did this.\nChandler Bing: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?\nRachel Green: What did you just say?\nChandler Bing: ahem... um... Crystal duck.\nRachel Green: No, no, no... the, um, the... 'love' part?\nChandler Bing: F-hah... flennin...\nRachel Green: Oh... my God.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no-no...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.\nRachel Green: I mean, this is unbelievable.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. This is really, really huge.\nChandler Bing: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.\nChandler Bing: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?\nMonica Geller: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?\nRachel Green: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... : W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.\nRachel Green: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him.\nChandler Bing: H-He's in China!\nJoey Tribbiani: The country.\nMonica Geller: No, no, wait. His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes.\nChandler Bing: What about the time difference?\nMonica Geller: From here to the airport?\nChandler Bing: Yes! You're never gonna make it!\nMonica Geller: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him?\nRachel Green: I-I-I don't know.\nChandler Bing: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.\nJoey Tribbiani: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.\nRachel Green: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here, look, alright, does this help?\nRachel Green: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later.\nChandler Bing: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first!\nRoss Geller: \nFlight Attendant: Alright!\nRoss Geller: Ni-chou chi-ma!\nRachel Green: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me...\nFlight Attendant: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nFlight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass?\nRachel Green: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.\nFlight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.\nRachel Green: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...\nFlight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations!\nRachel Green: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just give him a message for me? Please? This is very important.\nFlight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?\nRachel Green: Uh... I don't know.\nFlight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a message for you.\nMan: What?\nFlight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.\nMan: : Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze.\nMelanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute!\nJoey Tribbiani: Heh, heh. It was nothin'.\nMelanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn.\nMelanie: M-Me again?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! Why not?\nMelanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow.\nMelanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be.\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you mean?\nMelanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.\nMonica Geller: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?\nRachel Green: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.\nRachel Green: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on the fifteenth date.\nMonica Geller: Another good point.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.\nRachel Green: Huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out?\nMonica Geller: Why isn't it working out?\nRachel Green: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't.\nMonica Geller: Is he not cute enough for you?\nRachel Green: No!\nMonica Geller: Does he not make enough money?\nRachel Green: No, I'm just...\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe there's someone else.\nRachel Green: Wha...\nMonica Geller: Is there? Is there someone else?\nRachel Green: No! There is.. there is noone else!\nMonica Geller: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?\nChandler Bing: Hey, big...\nJoey Tribbiani: Shhhh!\nChandler Bing: ...spender.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's still asleep.\nChandler Bing: So how'd it go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?\nChandler Bing: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!\nChandler Bing: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.\nJoey Tribbiani: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know you had another level.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! Neither did I!\nMonica Geller: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh, from who?\nRachel Green: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.\nMonica Geller: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?\nRachel Green: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.\nMonica Geller: Oh, why?\nRachel Green: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...\nMonica Geller: No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure!\nRachel Green: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...\nMonica Geller: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise.\nRachel Green: Who is it?\nIntercom: It's me, Carl.\nRachel Green: C'mon up.\nMonica Geller: Behind my brother's back? ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Seven hundred bucks!\nChandler Bing: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something.\nChandler Bing: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this?\nCarl (Rachel's date): I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se... it's just that guy!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.\nRachel Green: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date here.\nRoss Geller: Fine, just stop thinking about me.\nRoss Geller: Can't do it, can you?\nRachel Green: So I'm thinking about you. So what?\nRoss Geller: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?\nRachel Green: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy...\nCarl (Rachel's date): I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car!\nRoss Geller: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.\nRachel Green: Ross, it's too hard.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth grade.\nRachel Green: Ross, you're like my best friend.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nRachel Green: If we broke up, and I lost you...\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break up?\nRachel Green: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?\nRoss Geller: No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?\nRachel Green: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.\nRoss Geller: Well, start looking.\nRachel Green: Wow.\nCarl (Rachel's date): Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!\nRachel Green: Right! You're right!\nCarl (Rachel's date): Heh... y'know?\nRachel Green: You know what?\nCarl (Rachel's date): What?\nRachel Green: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do... I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.\nCarl (Rachel's date): But...\nRachel Green: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi.\nMan: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey, hey, I got that.\nJulie: Oh, thanks, sweetie.\nRoss Geller: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends.\nJulie: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJulie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?\nRoss Geller: No, no, they will. I just... uh...\nRoss Geller: Come on, they're gonna love you."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...?\nChandler Bing: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.\nMonica Geller: I'll put a pillowcase over my head.\nChandler Bing: You're on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want...\nRoss Geller: ... finally...\nPhoebe Buffay: Is that Ross?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sounds like he's with someone.\nChandler Bing: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.\nCharlie Wheeler: Ooh... Dr. Geller!\nRoss Geller: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, that's Charlie!\nChandler Bing: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that tart... floozy... giant...\nMonica Geller: I'm not sure about this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.\nMonica Geller: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend.\nRachel Green: Ooh... I love Barbados!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!\nRachel Green: I know, I'm her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Get over here!\nRachel Green: ooh...\nChandler Bing: Wow!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...\nRachel Green: What? Ross and Charlie? Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?\nChandler Bing: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!\nMonica Geller: I'm on it!\nChandler Bing: Anything?\nMonica Geller: I think I hear curtains closing...\nPhoebe Buffay: We've got shoes being kicked off over here.\nMonica Geller: Bedsprings, unmistakable!\nChandler Bing: You do realise that's your brother?\nMonica Geller: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with.\nChandler Bing: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.\nChandler Bing: Okay Buckwheat!\nPhoebe Buffay: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn!\nRoss Geller: Weh...*sigh*\nCharlie Wheeler: uhm... Is everything okay?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...\nCharlie Wheeler: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...\nRoss Geller: No, NO! Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.\nCharlie Wheeler: I uhm... I completely understand.\nRoss Geller: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... I just need a... need a before I can... you know. Grandma... grandma... grandma... Okay, I see you later.\nCharlie Wheeler: Okay...\nPhoebe Buffay: That's the door. He's gone...\nChandler Bing: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality!\nMonica Geller: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what are you guys doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa...\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we had a great time, thank you!\nChandler Bing: Bye!\nRoss Geller: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?\nChandler Bing: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it...\nRoss Geller: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him?\nChandler Bing: You got it!\nRoss Geller: Thanks! Thank you!\nMonica Geller: Other wall, people! Other wall!\nRoss Geller: Rach, you there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?\nRachel Green: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. That's not nonchalant!\nJoey Tribbiani: No idea what it means.\nRachel Green: Oh... okay, just hide!\nRoss Geller: Rach?\nRachel Green: Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed!\nRachel Green: There's no room under the bed.\nRoss Geller: Is everything okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah...\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi...\nRoss Geller: You know where Joey is?\nRachel Green: ...I really don't...\nRoss Geller: Can I talk to you for a minute?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure...\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't believe this... Have you guys been...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.\nRoss Geller: And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh... right... yeah...\nRoss Geller: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?\nRachel Green: That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.\nRoss Geller: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace.\nRachel Green: You would think!\nRachel Green: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is he gone?\nRachel Green: How are you doing this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pssst...\nRachel Green: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time?\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, what is this?\nRachel Green: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he's with Charlie now.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a pain in my ass, Geller!\nRachel Green: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...\nChandler Bing: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?\nRachel Green: Sure...\nChandler Bing: Enunciate!\nRachel Green: Get out!\nRachel Green: Are they right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.\nRachel Green: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...\nRachel Green: Although...\nJoey Tribbiani: I like although!\nRachel Green: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...\nJoey Tribbiani: Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool...\nRachel Green: Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.\nRachel Green: No...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm thinking about you...\nRachel Green: Yeah...\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's forget about Ross...\nRachel Green: Forgotten.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's wrong?\nRachel Green: Nothing...\nRoss Geller: Seriously... What is it?\nRachel Green: Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here...\nRoss Geller: What's wrong?\nRachel Green: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, maybe I can help.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...\nBoth: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: You guys ready to go?\nChandler Bing: Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing.\nRoss Geller: Dude! You're not taking your Bible?\nChandler Bing: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?\nRoss Geller: Learn about Jesus...\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nCharlie Wheeler: So, did you talk to Joey?\nRoss Geller: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!\nRoss Geller: Stop it!\nCharlie Wheeler: PHD.\nRoss Geller: You're filthy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, have you guys seen Monica?\nRoss Geller: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright...\nMonica Geller: Check it out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who's day just got better? CHANDLER!\nChandler Bing: Hey!... aaaaaahhhh!\nMonica Geller: What do you think?\nChandler Bing: I think... I think I can see your scalp.\nMonica Geller: Don't you just love it?\nRoss Geller: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.\nCharlie Wheeler: It's so... something... You go girlfriend!\nRoss Geller: You've never said that in your life, have you?\nCharlie Wheeler: Not once.\nRoss Geller: I thought so.\nMonica Geller: And listen to this...\nChandler Bing: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.\nJoey Tribbiani: I understand...\nRoss Geller: No, I'll do it.\nChandler Bing: Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...\nMike Hannigan: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...\nPhoebe Buffay: Aaah... you're not good at this...\nMike Hannigan: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right?\nMike Hannigan: Oh...\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMike Hannigan: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?\nMike Hannigan: I have a date.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have a... You have a date? With who?\nMike Hannigan: Oh, it's... my girlfriend.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have... have a girlfriend?\nMike Hannigan: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: For how long?\nMike Hannigan: Three months.\nPhoebe Buffay: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?\nMike Hannigan: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you.\nMike Hannigan: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...\nPhoebe Buffay: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.\nRoss Geller: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says \"duty free\".\nCharlie Wheeler: Okay... Good luck.\nRachel Green: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him.\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.\nRachel Green: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh...\nRachel Green: Still nervous?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna get the lasagna.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach...\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.?\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...\nJoey Tribbiani: You kissed.\nRoss Geller: Wha... What? What would give you that idea?\nJoey Tribbiani: I saw you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah... Now I have something...\nRoss Geller: I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... uh... look... before you...\nRoss Geller: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous...\nJoey Tribbiani: I am those things, yeah.\nRoss Geller: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude!\nRoss Geller: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't think of anything.\nRoss Geller: Thanks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: So hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: So you eh, you talked to Joey?\nRoss Geller: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.\nRachel Green: Oh! That's great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Oh, so everything's okay?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy.\nRachel Green: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm so excited about this.\nRachel Green: Really? Excited?\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...\nRachel Green: Excuse me! You didn't tell him, did you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.\nRachel Green: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, Mike's place.\nMike Hannigan: Hey, it's Mike.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, that was fast.\nMike Hannigan: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.\nMike Hannigan: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.\nPhoebe Buffay: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?\nMike Hannigan: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout.\nPrecious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I... I'm Phoebe.\nPrecious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Enchante.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... Ow!\nChandler Bing: You go back to work tomorrow night, right?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?\nMonica Geller: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. You like that, right?\nChandler Bing: What are you singing?\nMonica Geller: It's \"Bolero\" from \"10\".\nChandler Bing: It's \"Ride of the Valkyries\" from \"Apocalypse Now\"... See, Here's The Thing The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!\nMonica Geller: You what? You said you liked them.\nChandler Bing: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.\nMonica Geller: Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does.\nChandler Bing: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.\nMonica Geller: You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... OUCH!\nChandler Bing: Hit yourself in the tooth?\nMonica Geller: And the eye!\nRoss Geller: Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle?\nRachel Green: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.\nRoss Geller: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.\nRachel Green: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about.\nRoss Geller: Okay, shoot!\nRachel Green: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.\nRoss Geller: OH NO!\nRachel Green: What? What is it?\nRoss Geller: Oh, major shampoo explosion!\nRachel Green: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy.\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me?\nRachel Green: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?\nRachel Green: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and...\nRoss Geller: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?\nRachel Green: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time.\nRoss Geller: Duh, you think?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.\nPrecious: I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something?\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie?\nPrecious: My name is Precious.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.\nPrecious: I just can't believe this... Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I don't...\nPrecious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.\nPrecious: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.\nPrecious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning.\nPhoebe Buffay: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...\nPrecious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.\nPrecious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.\nPrecious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're welcome!\nChandler Bing: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?\nMonica Geller: Not really.\nMonica Geller: I have a problem.\nChandler Bing: Really? What happened?\nMonica Geller: Well, I was dancing around, and singing \"No Woman, No Cry\" and I got stuck.\nChandler Bing: You can't move at all?\nMonica Geller: Oh, well, I can move...\nChandler Bing: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose?\nMonica Geller: I guess so...\nChandler Bing: Some of these look a little frayed.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, did you err... did you tell Ross?\nRachel Green: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so-ooory.\nRachel Green: Yeah, 'cause that's what we do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together.\nRachel Green: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals.\nRachel Green: No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Good night!\nRachel Green: Goo-ood night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good night!\nRachel Green: Seriously, good night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Stop saying good night.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Look what I found in the drawer... And you said I'd never wear this...\nChandler Bing: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?\nMonica Geller: Sure, what do you have in mind?\nChandler Bing: I think you know.\nMonica Geller: Really? I don't really feel like it.\nChandler Bing: This is what I want to do.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.\nChandler Bing: She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?\nRachel Green: We weren't doing anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, he just saw us.\nRachel Green: Shhh.\nJoey Tribbiani: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.\nRachel Green: No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, chill! Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.\nRachel Green: Yeah, you started it! I've got to chill.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but..\nRachel Green: We feel so terrible about this, Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it did happen, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross?\nRachel Green: Ross? Can we just close the door?\nRachel Green: Ross, say something. Anything.\nRoss Geller: So you two are..?\nRoss Geller: And have you .. ed?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no!\nRachel Green: No, no, no!\nRoss Geller: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no!\nRachel Green: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts.\nRoss Geller: I'm not going nuts. Do you see me go nuts?\nRachel Green: No, but you know what I mean.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, hey... If you two are happy, then I'm happy for you. I'm fine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Absolutely. I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross..\nRoss Geller: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do?\nRachel Green: Calm ourselves?\nRoss Geller: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird?\nRoss Geller: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I do like fajitas.\nMonica Geller: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.\nChandler Bing: There's a hair in my coffee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey guys!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.\nChandler Bing: You know, it's funny. Every time you say \"triplets,\" I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.\nMonica Geller: That's sweet. Drink your hair.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, what's all this stuff?\nMonica Geller: Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one!\nMonica Geller: That's not really how it works.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how does it work?\nMonica Geller: I don't know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.\nMonica Geller: Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: That's not what we talked about!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good to see you.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Good to see you, too.\nMonica Geller: Hi Frank.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi, how you doin'?\nMonica Geller: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big!\nMonica Geller: Which one is which again?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.\nMonica Geller: \"Willing to adopt triplets?\" No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.\nRachel Green: Well, what would we be doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...\nRachel Green: Feel me up?\nJoey Tribbiani: In a carriage!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Charlie!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nCharlie Wheeler: Hi, hi. So.. Dreading this?\nRachel Green: Oh, you bet.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, did you bring a little something for Ross?\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually.. It's stuff you left at my apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Oh, thanks.\nCharlie Wheeler: And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out..\nRoss Geller: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! Hi Joey. And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. Come, please come in. Come in.\nRachel Green: Okay, well, we brought you some wine.\nRoss Geller: Oh! That is so thoughtful. She's a keeper. And what did you bring me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, actually, that's..\nRoss Geller: Underwear, a toothbrush, and Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!!\nCharlie Wheeler: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little...\nRoss Geller: What? Fine? Because I am! Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you? You see? Who else is fine?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink.\nRoss Geller: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, god. So adorable. Look at them sleeping there like angels.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I haven't slept in four years!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a, that's a long time.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, I can't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no! I would never do that. No. I just was thinking that, you know, maybe you could take one.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! You can't separate them! That's terrible. Which one?\nMonica Geller: Thank you so much for seeing us. Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys.\nColleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.\nBill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting.\nChandler Bing: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?\nChandler Bing: I mean, you have a lovely home.\nMonica Geller: Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us.\nColleen: Well, actually, I think this might help.\nColleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god!\nColleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. I think I just had a tiny orgasm.\nBill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.\nChandler Bing: That's great. Can I see the book?\nChandler Bing: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?\nMonica Geller: It's.. It's just so pretty and white.\nColleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.\nColleen: I would have told him to do it too.\nMonica Geller: Can I adopt you?\nChandler Bing: Hey, you must be Owen.\nOwen: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.\nOwen: You were?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.\nOwen: Huh?\nChandler Bing: You know how to use a compass?\nOwen: I have a badge in it.\nChandler Bing: You do? That's fantastic!\nOwen: You wanna see it?\nChandler Bing: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.\nOwen: What?!?\nChandler Bing: What?\nOwen: I'm adopted?\nChandler Bing: I got nothing.\nRoss Geller: The first batch of margaritas was not so great, but the second batch is gooooood.\nRachel Green: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.\nRoss Geller: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?\nRoss Geller: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.\nRachel Green: No awareness.\nRoss Geller: We make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh! Let's take a trip. Okay, where do you think we - we can go?\nRoss Geller: My fajitas!!\nRachel Green: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, you know what? This is nothing. My father is a raging alcoholic.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, I'm sorry, have I made this evening uncomfortable?\nRoss Geller: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!!\nRachel Green: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!\nRoss Geller: That is gonna hurt tomorrow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well, this is crazy. Can't seriously be talking about me taking one of your kids, can we?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, of course we're not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Insane.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alice would never go for it, right?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I don't know, she's pretty tired, too, I think we've got her onboard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Frank Jr.Jr.?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What's green and says \"hey, I'm a frog\"? A talking frog! Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, alright, that's fine. What about Leslie?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, Frank. I think we just ran out of kids.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: How about tomorrow?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You'd do that for us?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for. Frank Jr. : Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!\nChandler Bing: Where are Bill and Colleen?\nMonica Geller: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?\nChandler Bing: We have to leave!!\nMonica Geller: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?\nChandler Bing: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go!\nColleen: Hey.\nBill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.\nColleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.\nChandler Bing: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?\nOwen: I'm adopted?!\nChandler Bing: See? Intuitive!\nBill: What? Where did you hear that?\nOwen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.\nChandler Bing: Which technically now you should give back!\nColleen: You told him he's adopted?\nChandler Bing: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. \"Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real.\"\nOwen: He isn't?!\nChandler Bing: We have to get out of here, baby!\nRoss Geller: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.\nRachel Green: Ooy.\nRoss Geller: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?\nRachel Green: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?\nRoss Geller: O is for \"oh, wow!\" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay?\nRoss Geller: Totally.\nRachel Green: Ross, you don't seem okay.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.\nCharlie Wheeler: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off.\nRoss Geller: No!\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.\nRoss Geller: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.\nCharlie Wheeler: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nCharlie Wheeler: Alright.\nCharlie Wheeler: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..\nRachel Green: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me.\nCharlie Wheeler: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I guess it's just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed!\nRachel Green: You know what, Ross? I think we're gonna take off too.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.\nRachel Green: No, no, it's just that it's getting late...\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good.\nRoss Geller: I don't even know what that's for.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what? I think I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's okay.\nRachel Green: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.\nJoey Tribbiani: It doesn't look good, does it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning. Here you go.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Did you stay here all night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: So you took off my pants and shoes?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.\nRoss Geller: What do you mean?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..\nRoss Geller: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what I hear, yeah.\nRoss Geller: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know...\nRoss Geller: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm crazy about her.\nRoss Geller: And she feels the same way?\nJoey Tribbiani: I think so.\nRoss Geller: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.\nRoss Geller: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: And we're okay?\nMonica Geller: Hey, Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Uhm, we just wanna give you a heads-up. Bill and Colleen hate us.\nChandler Bing: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Still, he had to find out sometime.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. It's actually our first official date.\nChandler Bing: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?\nJoey Tribbiani: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at.\nChandler Bing: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's OK!\nChandler Bing: How can you be so confident?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I... I know exactly what I'm gonna do!\nChandler Bing: Really? Like you have a routine?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.\nChandler Bing: You mean like this?\nJoey Tribbiani: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: More foosball?\nChandler Bing: ...and beer!!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey sweetie!\nRoss Geller: WOW!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Stop staring at my wife's legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister's legs!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, it's just... how did you get so tan?\nChandler Bing: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.\nRoss Geller: Eh, you got a spray-on tan?\nMonica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures!\nRoss Geller: Why, why you do, like with the-the toe separators?\nChandler Bing: Why...why?\nRoss Geller: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!\nChandler Bing: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.\nRoss Geller: So, do you get colours or just French tips?\nMonica Geller: There. Here's their card.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... florist.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey Pheebs!\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town.\nMonica Geller: I know, Amanda! Ah! She called me too! She's the worst!\nChandler Bing: Who's Amanda?\nMonica Geller: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. \"Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!\"\nChandler Bing: Are you trying to do a British accent?\nMonica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures!\nChandler Bing: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? \"Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!\" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!\"\nMonica Geller: I know, and she's always bragging about all the famous people she's met.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I know! \"Oh...I slept with Billy Joel\". All right, who hasn't?\nMonica Geller: Oh, what are we gonna do! I don't wanna see her!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, Let's just cut her out!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! Have you ever done that?\nChandler Bing: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !\nAssistant: Alright Mr. Geller! Right this way! So, how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three.\nRoss Geller: Well... I like how you look, what are you?\nAssistant: Puerto Rican.\nRoss Geller: Two, I think a two.\nAssistant: You've got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it?\nRoss Geller: Spray, count, pat, then turn, spray, count and pat.\nAssistant: Wow, you catch on quick.\nRoss Geller: Well, I have a PhD, so...\nRoss Geller: One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis... WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting!!\nRoss Geller: You sprayed my front twice!\nAssistant: You've never turned?\nRoss Geller: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.\nAssistant: Mississippi? I said count to five'!\nRoss Geller: Mississippilesly? Well, how bad is it?\nAssistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.\nRoss Geller: So, how dark is it gonna get?\nAssistant: You got sprayed with two two' s and...\nRoss Geller: I'm a four?\nAssistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out.\nRoss Geller: Really!\nAssistant: You might wanna get back in there.\nRoss Geller: Ok!\nRoss Geller: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? Ah, oh, ah! Ah! The same thing happened again!\nAssistant: You got two more twos?\nRoss Geller: I'm an eight!\nRachel Green: Thanks for dinner.\nJoey Tribbiani: I thought you paid. Ha, guess we won't be going back there!\nRachel Green: So.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch?\nRachel Green: I say 'cheesy line', but ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter?\nRachel Green: I am sorry, I don't know, I am sorry, I don't know why I did that!\nRachel Green: Ok, so sorry.\nRachel Green: I am sorry! Again... I don't know, I don't know what happened, I must be nervous!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't get it, Chandler loved it!\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, ok. I promise, I promise, I promise, I won't do it again. I really do. I promise. This is gonna be great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, was that good for you?\nMonica Geller: No, no, don't get it. Let the machine pick up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again.\nMonica Geller: It could be Amanda!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're right! I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting is a gas!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Hello Monica. It's Amanda calling again. I am in the neighborhood hoping I can pop by your flat!\nMonica Geller: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffo-Martisis!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Let's see.. to assure you get this directly, ring me back on my mobile.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, don't hold thy breath!\nChandler Bing: Hello? Is someone on the line?\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Yes, I was looking for Monica.\nChandler Bing: Hang on, she's right here. Someone's on the phone, for ya.\nMonica Geller: We weren't picking up, it's Amanda!\nChandler Bing: I get pedicures!\nMonica Geller: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it's... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, why, why didn't you just say no!\nMonica Geller: Well, I said 'no' to her coming over now! I couldn't say 'no' twice! I get this uncontrollable need to please people!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine, fine! You would not hold up well under torture!\nMonica Geller: And you would?\nPhoebe Buffay: I did!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, you sure you wanna do this?\nRachel Green: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it's just a little weird, it's you, and it's me, it's just gonna take some getting used to.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok. Well, how, how can we make it easier?\nRachel Green: Ok, let's work from the top down! Just work the bra, Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, yeah, got it.\nJoey Tribbiani: This thing welded shut?!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nRachel Green: Ow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry!\nRachel Green: Well this is romantic!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra!\nRachel Green: It's a standard issue bra clasp!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping!\nRachel Green: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?\nJoey Tribbiani: NAH! I don't have another level!!\nChandler Bing: Hold on! There is something different.\nRoss Geller: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.\nChandler Bing: Was that place... The Sun?\nRoss Geller: Oh! And it gets worse!\nChandler Bing: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!\nMonica Geller: How could you mess this up? It's so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!!\nRoss Geller: How do you count to five?\nMonica Geller: One Two Three...\nRoss Geller: Damnit!\nRachel Green: oooh! Oh oh!\nRoss Geller: I Know!\nRachel Green: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?\nChandler Bing: How was your date with Joey?\nRachel Green: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away!\nChandler Bing: You didn't like that?\nRachel Green: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra!\nMonica Geller: Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open.\nRachel Green: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.\nMonica Geller: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that.\nRachel Green: Ok, that's true. That's true, we can do this. You're right, you're right, we can do this. We're just gonna power through!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second .\nRachel Green: No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through .\nMonica Geller: Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!\nChandler Bing: You don't know!\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Is Amanda here yet?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Oh good. Good, look I'm so sorry, for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan. But I have a new plan. Chandler agreed to call here in a few minutes with an emergency.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here?\nMonica Geller: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding, I love it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Hi!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Hello!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs I don't exercise at all! Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Smell my neck! It's not perfume! It's me! It's my natural scent!\nPhoebe Buffay: Musty!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Gosh! This is brilliant. Gosh, it's just like old times. I'm so happy you two are friends again!\nMonica Geller: When were we not friends?\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel .\nMonica Geller: Ehm, we were friends in 1992.\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: No I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls and trying to avoid seeing her.\nMonica Geller: You were going to cut me out?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well...kinda.\nMonica Geller: Oh My God!\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Bugger. Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, in America you're just an \"ass\".\nMonica Geller: Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? Oh my God, are you alright? Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God. Was Mike with him?\nMonica Geller: Nope!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! Got champagne?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes ma'am, ready to Power through!\nRachel Green: Excellent! Stick it in the ice bucket, the phone is off the hook, and in the interest of powering through ...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh!\nRachel Green: Ok Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. Alright! Lets do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, you're scaring me a little bit.\nRachel Green: Oh! Get over it soldier, we've gotta do this! Ok. Aha! You like that huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! yeah!\nRachel Green: You like that? Let's take this into high gear.\nJoey Tribbiani: uh uh!\nRachel Green: Yeah baby, I'll show you how we do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!\nRachel Green: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok?\nJoey Tribbiani: Soldier down!\nMonica Geller: We are not friends with Phoebe anymore.\nChandler Bing: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?\nMonica Geller: I have nothing to say to you.\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Wow, my flat is twice this size!\nPhoebe Buffay: Please, Monica? In the hall?\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Ooh, that accident must have been terrible. You look positively ghastly.\nChandler Bing: Well, aren't you a treat.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you tried to cut me out. Why Phoebe, why?\nPhoebe Buffay: It was right after we were living together and you were driving me crazy, okay? You were really controlling and compulsive and shrill.\nMonica Geller: I'm still all those things!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're also so generous and kind and scrappy!\nMonica Geller: I am scrappy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Exactly! Look, no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life. Of all the people I have cut out, you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in.\nMonica Geller: It's because I'm scrappy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are. And I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, because I don't know what I would do without you.\nMonica Geller: I won't know what I would do without you.\nMonica Geller: Well, I guess we should go back in. When you gave me another chance, I guess we should do the same for Amanda.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I guess you're right.\nAmanda Buffamonteezi: Can you believe it. I've never had any professional dance training.\nGlenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and...\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back.\nGlenda: Okay...\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, there's two sets of nozzles, which one is it?\nRoss Geller: Which... which... which... Which one is it?\nRoss Geller: OH! SON OF A BITCH!\nRachel Green: What is the matter with us?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I know what's the matter with me.\nRachel Green: No, I mean with us, you know. I mean, is it supposed to be this... difficult?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nChandler Bing: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi! Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to... more than that?\nChandler Bing: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...\nRachel Green: No, no, no... No, I mean... se-x-u-ally...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, was there a part of you that... felt like it was... really wrong?\nChandler Bing: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.\nChandler Bing: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy.\nRachel Green: Well, just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah... Absolutely. I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit.\nRachel Green: Right, totally.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a... pla-an.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow... I did not see this coming.\nRachel Green: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted.\nRachel Green: Hmmm... Me too...\nRachel Green: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.\nRachel Green: Aah... I bet you're right.\nJoey Tribbiani: So...\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love ya.\nRachel Green: Love you too... Alright, I'm going to bed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere for a while.\nChandler Bing: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.\nRoss Geller: Go away! I don't want to see anybody.\nChandler Bing: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.\nRoss Geller: Really? Did you count Mississipily?\nRoss Geller: Dude, you're not tanned.\nChandler Bing: No, I just had to get a picture of this.\nChandler Bing: I see you later! end."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.\nMonica Geller: That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!\nRachel Green: Wait, you can't go away this weekend! It's Emma's birthday!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: We're having a party.\nMonica Geller: Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: No, that day... that won't be her real birthday!\nChandler Bing: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!\nRoss Geller: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.\nMonica Geller: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.\nChandler Bing: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...\nRachel Green: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.\nRachel Green: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!\nMonica Geller: All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.\nChandler Bing: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...\nMonica Geller: Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that!\nRachel Green: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.\nRachel Green: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, COOL!! Wow, it's like a time capsule!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!\nRoss Geller: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?\nRachel Green: Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.\nRoss Geller: Ah, and where is Joey?\nRachel Green: I said it's still nap time.\nRoss Geller: Hey, there is uncle Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!\nJoey Tribbiani: 18, uh?\nRoss Geller: Joey, NO!\nJoey Tribbiani: What, what!? it's for her hot friends!\nRoss Geller: When they see this you'll be 52!\nJoey Tribbiani: And starting to think about settling down!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd love to! Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: We were supposed to bring presents?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! I wrote Emma a song.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, it's a birthday party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says \"El-moo\"! Yeah... that's a funny cup!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?\nRachel Green: Oh, she's still napping.\nChandler Bing: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.\nRachel Green: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.\nMonica Geller: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!\nRachel Green: No really, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her up.\nMonica Geller: Are you freaking kidding me, Green?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: So glad you came!\nJack Geller: I can't believe Emma is already one!\nJudy Geller: I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room!\nRoss Geller: There's something you didn't know about your dad!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.\nJack Geller: Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!\nJack Geller: Which one are you?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe Emma is still asleep!\nChandler Bing: I know, what are we gonna do?\nMonica Geller: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!\nChandler Bing: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents!\nPhoebe Buffay: So you're gonna... hit on her?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!\nPhoebe Buffay: Or you could stick a fork in an apple!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I think Emma might like it!\nRachel Green: Oh! Emma might like what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Um, my present!\nRachel Green: What did you get her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually we prepared performances.\nPhoebe Buffay: Separate performances.\nJoey Tribbiani: But equally real!\nRachel Green: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: O K.\nRachel Green: All right, let's get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.\nRoss Geller: Oh, great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!\nRachel Green: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?\nJoey Tribbiani: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.\nRachel Green: Oh, ok, which one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, why, it's a... one of her favorites, uh, \"Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression\" eesh! \"Love you forever\". Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang \"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be\". . And while he rocked her, he sang \"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be\".\nRachel Green: Wow! That was amazing!\nRoss Geller: Thank you so much for that gift!\nChandler Bing: I was not ready for this today!\nRoss Geller: Amazing... amazing.\nRachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift, than the gift of music. Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!\nRachel Green: Is that it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading . \"Sex and the single mother. Finding your G-spot.\nEveryone: No, no, no, no, no!\nJudy Geller: Hello Emma. Happy eighteenth birthday.\nJack Geller: Right now that seems so far away, seventeen years.\nJudy Geller: Yes, you'll be all grown up by then. We'll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.\nJack Geller: That's true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!\nJudy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.\nJack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts!\nJudy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too!\nRoss Geller: Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!\nRachel Green: Ross, um, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.\nRoss Geller: Sure.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino's.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.\nRachel Green: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!\nMonica Geller: Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?\nRachel Green: Yes! On a cake shaped like a bunny.\nRoss Geller: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?\nRachel Green: Ross, what are you talking about? oh! Oh my God! They put my baby's face on a penis!\nPhoebe Buffay: oh! Now it's a party!\nRachel Green: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?\nJudy Geller: Jack, look at this.\nJack Geller: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!\nRoss Geller: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.\nRachel Green: No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter's birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!\nRoss Geller: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. . That is a weird sentence!\nRachel Green: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... Joey, don't touch it!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so confused!\nRachel Green: Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!\nChandler Bing: To be fair this one does have nuts.\nRoss Geller: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.\nMonica Geller: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!\nRoss Geller: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? Ok!\nChandler Bing: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?\nMonica Geller: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!\nChandler Bing: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday.\nMonica Geller: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.\nPhoebe Buffay: And you know, I have a massage client soon.\nRoss Geller: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?\nMonica Geller: Alright, 5 more minutes.\nRoss Geller: Hello? Oh no! What happened? Ok ok, where are you? . Ok, I'll be right there.\nChandler Bing: Was that Emma? Is she up?\nRoss Geller: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.\nMonica Geller: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us We've been complaining the longest!\nRoss Geller: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?\nChandler Bing: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!\nRoss Geller: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves!\nJoey Tribbiani: Got it! Hey hey hey! Where do you think you're going?\nChandler Bing: To the bathroom!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li... Wait a minute, there is a window in there!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy!\nChandler Bing: What are you doing? Get the hell out of here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it did not.\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nJudy Geller: Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.\nJack Geller: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.\nJudy Geller: Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok!\nJudy Geller: Bye... Bye dear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nighty-night!\nJudy Geller: Nighty-night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye, bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey? How could you just let them leave?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.\nMonica Geller: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in.\nChandler Bing: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! I forgot you used to live here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nEstelle Leonard: Joey! It's Estelle!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEstelle Leonard: So, how did your audition go today?\nJoey Tribbiani: What audition?\nEstelle Leonard: The one I told you about last week?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? You never said anything about an audition!\nEstelle Leonard: Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.\nJoey Tribbiani: A monologue? I don't have.. I got it. Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!\nMonica Geller: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.\nMonica Geller: Ok, ten.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, lets just draw straws.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..\nChandler Bing: I'm begging you stop.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right.\nMonica Geller: Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!! Let's do that!\nChandler Bing: That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!\nMonica Geller: Everybody get your toys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok! I want the dolphin!\nChandler Bing: Thats a bear.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm too excited!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys!\nChandler Bing: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Go! Go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on robot!\nMonica Geller: What are you barking at?\nMonica Geller: Wha... How the hell is that gonna help?\nChandler Bing: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Way to go robot!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good job Alan!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, good race you guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, see you later!\nMonica Geller: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...\nChandler Bing: They left.\nRachel Green: No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. Bye...\nRoss Geller: RACHEL!\nRachel Green: OOH! God! Sorry!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.\nRachel Green: Emma's awake.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.\nRoss Geller: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else.\nRachel Green: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.\nRoss Geller: Rach, she's not going to remember this.\nRachel Green: I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing \"Happy Birthday\". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! They have to learn!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: It's not bad.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?\nRoss Geller: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm very impressed.\nRoss Geller: Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.\nMonica Geller: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?\nMonica Geller: Game?\nChandler Bing: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.\nChandler Bing: Ooh! That's my girl!\nMonica Geller: That's how old you are.\nChandler Bing: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?\nMonica Geller: Ooh, I want one...\nChandler Bing: Me too...\nChandler Bing: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?\nMonica Geller: ...and head to Canada!\nChandler Bing: I was kidding.\nMonica Geller: I wasn't. Let's get going!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?\nChandler Bing: No, not yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good, I didn't miss the party.\nMonica Geller: What about your massage client?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!\nJoey Tribbiani: I've been here the whole time!\nRoss Geller: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.\nRachel Green: I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.\nRachel Green: What?\nChandler Bing: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today?\nEmma: Wo-ish.\nRachel Green: Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...\nRachel Green: NO, no science camp!\nRoss Geller: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.\nRachel Green: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!\nMonica Geller: Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.\nChandler Bing: Let's do it, come on!\nRoss Geller: What's wrong? Are you okay?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you made it into a bunny.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay, you ready?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: A-a-and... record.\nRachel Green: Okay. Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...\nPhoebe Buffay: Go, go, go Alan! Run you, hairy bastard! end."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Her first cookie? She has cookies all the time!\nRachel Green: I've never given her a cookie. Have you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No... and, for the record, I've also never given her a frosting from a can!\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and we were wondering if you would write one for us.\nRachel Green: Of course, I'd be honored!\nChandler Bing: Thanks!\nMonica Geller: Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: U-U-Um, I think there's been an oversight.\nChandler Bing: Joey, we would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be interested.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it's just we don't think of you as really being so much \"with the words\".\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoo-weh hey weh-hey whoo hey!!\nMonica Geller: Clearly we were wrong.\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would love to help you get one.\nMonica Geller: You know what? Then, Joey, we want you to do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you! Alright, let me see how I'm gonna start... \"Dear baby adoption decider people...\"\nChandler Bing: So excited about your letter!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey Phoebe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Wow! Don't you look nice?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, I do! Today is Mike and my one-year anniversary.\nRachel Green: OH! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date, your first kiss, first time you had sex...\nPhoebe Buffay: YEAH!\nChandler Bing: So you must be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-uh. Ehm, a Knicks game.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... Aren't you a little overdressed?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.\nMonica Geller: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!\nChandler Bing: That's where people make number two!!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey...\nCharlie Wheeler: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to...\nRoss Geller: Oh... Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.\nCharlie Wheeler: Fine, it's fine... I'll just shower by myself...\nRoss Geller: B, B, B, B, B!\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, Ross, you gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalogue.\nRoss Geller: Well, it had some good ideas, take off your shirt.\nRoss Geller: Damnit!\nAmy Green: Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! I have to talk to you!!\nRoss Geller: Hi Amy!\nAmy Green: You're not Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Still sharp as a tack!\nAmy Green: Um... Charlie, this is Rachel's sister Amy. Amy, this is Charlie.\nCharlie Wheeler: Hi!\nAmy Green: Hi!\nCharlie Wheeler: Nice to meet you.\nAmy Green: H-Hi!! And you are...?\nRoss Geller: Ross? I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving together last year... I had a baby with your sister!\nAmy Green: N-no... uhm... did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes, you did.\nRoss Geller: Hi Rachel! Here's your sister Amy! She thinks I need pec implants!\nRachel Green: Amy! Hi! Oh-oh-hoh! Wow! You remember Joey?\nAmy Green: Yeah! Hey, sure! The \"Days of Our Lives\" guy!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, yeah.\nAmy Green: You're not good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Always nice to meet a fan!\nRachel Green: So now, what are you doing here?\nAmy Green: Well, I have huge news.\nRachel Green: Oh sorry, hold on. Let me just check on the baby!\nAmy Green: Wait, this is important! Can Ella wait?\nRoss Geller: Ehm... Her name is Emma.\nAmy Green: Why did you change it, Ella was so much prettier!\nRoss Geller: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart!\nAmy Green: Hey, your English is getting better!!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, she may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.\nRoss Geller: What... what you working on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...\nRoss Geller: Why don't you use your Thesaurus?\nJoey Tribbiani: What did I just say?\nRoss Geller: Watch. Here, you ehm... You highlight the word you want to change. Go under Tools and the Thesaurus generates... 'gives'... 'gives' a whole list of choices. You can pick the word that sounds smartest.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... \"brainy, bright, clever\", I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!!\nRachel Green: God!\nAmy Green: So beautiful.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know, isn't she?\nAmy Green: No, I was talking about your bedding.\nRachel Green: All right. What's your news, Amy?\nAmy Green: Oh! Um... Well... I'm getting married.\nRachel Green: What? Oh my God! To who?\nAmy Green: This guy! He has a killer apartment.\nRachel Green: A-And??\nAmy Green: A-And it's on Fifth. And the elevator opens up right into the living room.\nRachel Green: No, what's he like?\nAmy Green: Oh! He's ok. Do you remember my old boyfriend Mark?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nAmy Green: It's his dad.\nRachel Green: Huh... wow, so he's gotta be...\nAmy Green: Old? Yeah! But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there.\nRachel Green: Sweety, I gotta tell ya... it sounds a little bit like you like the apartment more than you like...\nAmy Green: Myron. Hmm... I told you he was old!\nRachel Green: Oh... sit down, sit down. Oh, honey, you know, I once also almost married somebody that I didn't love. Do you remember Barry?\nAmy Green: Humpf, remember him? How we used to make out all the time after you went to sleep.\nRachel Green: Sometimes just nodding is ok. Uhm, so but anyway, listen, not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever, ever made. Honey, you deserve true love. Your soulmate is out there, somewhere. Someone that is your age, that is smart, that is fun and that you care about!\nAmy Green: You're right, you're right! I'm gonna do it!\nRachel Green: Ok.\nAmy Green: I'm gonna marry Myron and keep looking for Mr Right.\nRachel Green: Ok, let's keep talking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. . Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they're in my seat. It's my anniversary. Here we are! . Can't believe it's been a whole year!\nMike Hannigan: I know. This has been the best year... THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!\nPhoebe Buffay: ME TOO! I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH!\nMike Hannigan: I FEEL THE SAME WAY!\nPhoebe Buffay: YOU'RE SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND YOU'RE AMAZING IN BED IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY!\nAnnouncer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the score board. Someone has a special question to ask.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh how lame... oh, it's so tacky, and impersonal.\nMike Hannigan: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's the worst way to propose!\nMike Hannigan: Excuse me... .\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, finished my recommendation. Here. And I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.\nChandler Bing: I don't... uh... understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: Some of the words are a little too sophisticated for ya?\nMonica Geller: It doesn't make any sense.\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course it does! It's smart! I used the the-saurus!\nChandler Bing: On every word?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep!\nMonica Geller: Alright, what was this sentence originally?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, 'They are warm, nice, people with big hearts'.\nChandler Bing: And that became 'they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens with full sized aortic pumps...?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah and hey, I really mean it, dude.\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey, I don't think we can use this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nMonica Geller: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani . Hey, why don't you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!\nChandler Bing: You know what? You don't need a thesaurus, just write from here, your full sized aortic pump.\nRachel Green: Amy, hi!\nAmy Green: I took your advice, I left Myron.\nRachel Green: Oh, good for you!\nAmy Green: I know! I'm Erin Brockovich!\nRachel Green: Yes you are! Oh, I am so proud of you!\nAmy Green: Thank you! So, can I stay with you?\nRachel Green: But Erin Brockovich had her own house.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, look who's back! Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?\nAmy Green: Well, I'm staying with you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nAmy Green: We're gonna be roomies! Come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: You slept out here?\nRachel Green: Yeah... Amy kept kicking me in her sleep yelling 'Myron, get off!'\nJoey Tribbiani: But uhm, we're getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we're getting rid of her.\nRachel Green: Joey, I can't do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said \"Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!\" I don't need that kind of talk in my house!\nRachel Green: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she's difficult, but I think it's really good that she's here.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she's gone?\nRachel Green: No, it's just... look, you know, when I first moved to the city I was a lot like her! I was spoiled, self-centered and you guys really took care of me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Monica made us!\nRachel Green: Well, uhm... whatever, I have really appreciated it, 'cause I don't think I would be the person that I am today if it wasn't for you guys. See, I wanna help Amy the way you guys helped me. And I know it's gonna take patience, but that's ok.\nAmy Green: Good morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeaah.\nRachel Green: Amy, that's what I was supposed to wear today, that's why I hung it on the door.\nAmy Green: Oh, sweety, you can't pull this off.\nRachel Green: Amy, you know what? I was thinking that maybe now it'd be a good time for us to sit down and, you know, talk about your future.\nAmy Green: Oh, I can't, honey. I'm gonna go get my eyebrows shaped. I am not happy. Oh... sure you wanna eat that?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'M CURVY, AND I LIKE IT!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi. I just had the worst anniversary ever.\nChandler Bing: I doubt that! Tell her about us last year.\nMonica Geller: Oh, well, I bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he wrote me a rap song.\nRoss Geller: Seriously?\nChandler Bing: Word!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, mine was worse than that.\nRachel Green: Well, what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: We were at the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend on the big screen thing...\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so tacky.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, that's what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on proposing to me that same way last night!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Mike was gonna propose?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, that's huge!\nRoss Geller: Well, do you wanna marry him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I really do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me, I don't think he's ever gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and now this!\nChandler Bing: She's right! If I were a guy and... Did I just say if I were a guy..?\nMonica Geller: Maybe you don't need him to propose to you, maybe you can propose to him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know, I don't know, isn't that a little desperate?\nMonica Geller: I proposed to Chandler! Alright, moving on...\nChandler Bing: Oh, I don't think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, do you think I should propose?\nRachel Green: I think it could be kind of great!\nRoss Geller: Absolutely! You'll love the feeling! There's nothing like it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, so how should I do it?\nMonica Geller: How about at a game, on the big screen?\nRachel Green: Uuuh!! How about at a Footlocker?\nMonica Geller: What? what? He obviously thinks that's a nice way to be proposed to, plus he'd never suspect it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, that does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two like that?\nChandler Bing: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?\nAmy Green: Nana is on the phone.\nRachel Green: Oh! That's interesting, since she died seven years ago!!\nAmy Green: She did? Who got her condo in Boca?\nRachel Green: Hello? Oh, it's our nanny! Hi! Oh... God! I hope you feel better! Ok, bye! That's Molly, she's sick. Can you watch Emma today?\nRoss Geller: No, I can't. I have back-to-back classes. Did Molly say what she had? Because my throat's been hurting?\nRachel Green: Menstrual cramps.\nRoss Geller: I don't think that's what this is.\nRachel Green: Can any of you watch Emma?\nMonica Geller: No, sorry sweety..\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I've got work and then I'm proposing..\nRachel Green: Great, shoot, what are we gonna do?\nAmy Green: Well, I can do it.\nRachel Green: Well, actually...\nRoss Geller: Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Um, I do not want her baby-sitting our child.\nRachel Green: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Well, for one thing, she keeps calling her Ella!\nRachel Green: Wha.. well, Ella's a nice name!\nRoss Geller: Fine, we'll call the next one Ella.\nRachel Green: Wha... the next one?\nRoss Geller: Okay, um... I don't want her watching our baby.\nRachel Green: Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person. This is a huge breakthrough for her! She just offered to do something for another human being!!\nRoss Geller: I... I don't know..\nRachel Green: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?\nAmy Green: um... listen, I couldn't help but overhear... 'cause I was trying to... Listen, let me do this alright? I really wanna help you guys out, and plus Rachel's been so wonderful to me...\nRachel Green: Absolutely.\nAmy Green: Oh! Great! So how much does it pay?\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?\nJoey Tribbiani: Great, I'm finished! In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.\nMonica Geller: You dropped it off?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?\nJoey Tribbiani: No can do amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal to hand-write it.\nMonica Geller: You hand-wrote it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and don't worry. I didn't try to sound smart at all! See ya later!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, oh my God, that letter is gonna go in our file! We're never gonna get a kid. No, we're gonna be one of those old couples that collects orchids or has a lot of birds!\nChandler Bing: It's ok, it's ok. You know what? I'll just call the agency and tell them to throw out the letter.\nMonica Geller: Okay good.\nChandler Bing: Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. .\nMonica Geller: Ugh, we're screwed, aren't we? You know what? Just tell me on the way to the bird store.\nChandler Bing: They loved it.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.\nMonica Geller: They thought Joey was a child?\nChandler Bing: She guessed 8, 9, based on his drawings.\nAmy Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey, what did you guys do today?\nAmy Green: Ella wanted to go out, so we went shopping and got some sushi.\nChandler Bing: That sounds like fun.\nAmy Green: Yeah, not really. Babies are dull.\nRachel Green: Hey! Hi, how's my girl?\nAmy Green: I'm fine! And, I got you a present for letting me stay with you. Ready?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nAmy Green: Ta-daaa!\nRachel Green: You pierced her ears!?\nAmy Green: Doesn't it make her nose look smaller?\nRachel Green: You pierced her ears? How could you do this without telling me?\nAmy Green: Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now would it?\nChandler Bing: I think she looks cute. ... but I am wrong!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Oh my God, here comes Ross. He's gonna flip out.\nAmy Green: Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?\nRachel Green: Ugh.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nRoss Geller: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. .\nRachel Green: Nah, I don't really want her to see.\nRoss Geller: Why not?\nMonica Geller: Because there are so many terrible sights in this world.\nChandler Bing: Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?\nRoss Geller: Come here Oh! There she is! Hi!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Nothing.\nRoss Geller: Hi! What... . Please tell me those are clip-ons.\nRachel Green: Oh, they're real!\nRoss Geller: Did she do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!\nRachel Green: I know, I know, and you were right Ross. You are soo irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever again!\nAmy Green: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt!\nMonica Geller: I'm a cool, fun aunt!\nAmy Green: O-Okay!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Monica can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects!\nRachel Green: I can't believe this. All I wanted to do was help you try to figure out what to do with your life and this is how you repay me?\nAmy Green: Well, I don't need you to help me, because I already know what I'm going to do with my life.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Since when?\nAmy Green: Since today... I am going to be a baby stylist.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: That's not a thing!\nAmy Green: Well, it should be. I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize, what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming...\nRachel Green: Babies don't care if they're slim.\nAmy Green: Enter Amy!\nRoss Geller: Amy, I ju... I just... I just wanna...\nAmy Green: What? What are you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: No more falafel for you!\nMike Hannigan: Great game, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhuh, uhuh...\nMike Hannigan: Why do you keep looking at the screen?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not. I'm praying. Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! Where... where are you going?\nMike Hannigan: Going go to the bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think you should wait.\nMike Hannigan: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you don't... if you don't hold it in, you don't get all the nutrients.\nAnnouncer: Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the scoreboard. Someone has a special question to ask.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike Hannigan... will you marry me?\nAnnouncer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not very enlightened!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, hey! Boo us? Boo you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello? Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani... Oh, hi! Well, I'm glad you liked my letter... No my mommy and daddy aren't home right now... Okay, bye bye. She was nice!\nRachel Green: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoo-hoo!\nAmy Green: You're kicking me out?\nRachel Green: You put holes in my baby's ears!\nAmy Green: Yeah well, at least now people will know she is a girl!\nRachel Green: I can't believe I ever even tried to help you. You are so beyond help.\nAmy Green: You know what? Ever since I got here, you have been nothing but negative.\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nAmy Green: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws And suddenly I am the bad guy?\nRachel Green: Joey, where are those bags?\nJoey Tribbiani: She has a lot of crap!\nAmy Green: You know what? When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so great. Just us sisters, back together again like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh! Who has gotten fat by the way...\nRachel Green: Seriously?\nAmy Green: hm-mmm... Mom said she gained like fifteen pounds.\nRachel Green: Hips or thighs?\nAmy Green: Ass and face.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh my God! I thought she was on Atkins.\nAmy Green: She was. Carbs found her... See, this is what I wanted. Two sisters, talking about real stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh, I can give you that.\nAmy Green: You can?\nRachel Green: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are.\nAmy Green: Thank you. I've got to admit, Emma does look cute.\nRachel Green: Did you just say Emma?\nAmy Green: Ugh, I'm sorry... Ella.\nPhoebe Buffay: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.\nMike Hannigan: But please, let's just forget the whole thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's in the cake, isn't it?\nMike Hannigan: Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it?\nPhoebe Buffay: What's the matter with me? How do I keep ruining this? I'm sorry, I'm sorry!\nMike Hannigan: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.\nMike Hannigan: I'm gonna do this now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe, I...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! Oh wait! Oh no!\nMike Hannigan: Ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!\nMike Hannigan: I love you!\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you more!\nMike Hannigan: Not possible! She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.\nRachel Green: So how is the uhm... baby styling business going?\nAmy Green: Not that great. It's almost if people don't want to hear that their babies are ugly.\nRachel Green: That's shocking!\nAmy Green: Oh! It's Ross... Hey Ross! Hello-oo Ross! He's rude!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hey...\nEveryone: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, what's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm just so exhausted from dragging around this... HUGE engagement ring!\nEveryone: OH!\nRachel Green: My God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Congratulations! Wow!!\nRoss Geller: So, did he get on one knee, did he have a speech prepared, or did he cry? Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it was really sweet, and like the most romantic thing ever.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, hey! Well... Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... I wanna say Mike? To Phoebe and Mike!\nEveryone: Whoo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you! Oh, and I have something for you!\nRachel Green: Mmh-mmh!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's, yes, my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.\nRachel Green: Oh, Pheebs, baby, that's nice but, you know what, I think I'm ok. Why don't you give it to one of your other single girlfriends?\nPhoebe Buffay: I would, but you're the last one.\nRachel Green: GIVE ME THE BOOK! Pablo Diaz, Brady Smith, huh, \"Guy-in-van\"?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my first love!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nMonica Geller: What does the red X next to Bob Greenmore's name mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: Dead. Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.\nChandler Bing: Hey, I'm sorry, I should have given you guys my black book when I got married! Although it wasn't so much a book as a... napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, isn't Jethro Tull a band?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes, they are.\nChandler Bing: Hey honey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi sweetie!\nChandler Bing: Is Monica not here?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nChandler Bing: Oh, then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding for a big account and they got it! It's my first national commercial!\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and I don't wanna brag but a lot of the ideas were mine! Hell, you weren't there? All the ideas were mine!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?\nChandler Bing: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you mean? I can do anything, I'm a chameleon! Huh? I'm old! I'm tired! Hey, I'm hot I'm cold!! Huh?? Come on! What can't I do?\nChandler Bing: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can do that! \"Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use...\" Oh, what's the product?\nChandler Bing: Software that facilitates inter-business networking e-solutions?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm cold!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Guess who's a finalist for a huge research grant! I'll give you a hint, he's looking right at you.\nCharlie Wheeler: Ah, well, unless it's the creepy guy with his hand up his kilt, I'm gonna say congratulations!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm so excited, I mean, apparently I beat out hundreds of other applicants, included five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything... five!\nCharlie Wheeler: Wow, that's great! So, tell me about the grant!\nRoss Geller: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the \"Paleontology Review\"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!\nCharlie Wheeler: Wait. Are you talking about the Dewar grant?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Why?\nCharlie Wheeler: Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant.\nRoss Geller: Your ex-boyfriend?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: So, your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed!\nCharlie Wheeler: No, no, we ended up in great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner together, and I can introduce you.\nRoss Geller: Well, if you think it would help.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yes, absolutely. I'll call him.\nRoss Geller: Ok, now, is there anything I can do to... you know, butter him up? Anything he really likes?\nCharlie Wheeler: Mmh... he does have a pretty serious latex fetish.\nRoss Geller: We'll see how dinner goes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, you wanna go to see a movie?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.\nMonica Geller: Oh, right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh, well. Now that I'm here I might as well help you with the cleaning and organizing! Just happen to have my label maker!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff! Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?\nMonica Geller: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up?\nPhoebe Buffay: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.\nMonica Geller: Who's Gladys? Oh! What a tragic loss!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I really hate to give her up. Oh, I know!! Oh, you should take her!\nMonica Geller: Well, I-I-I-I... I don't know...\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, you don't like her?\nMonica Geller: Well, of course I do. What's not to like! I'll take her in a minute! But, you know, I think that you're giving up too easy, honey. I think that you need to fight for her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? You think?\nMonica Geller: Absolutely! Yes, you say to him \"I'm sorry Mike I can't live without her, she means too much to me!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I'll fight for her. Ok! Oh, wait, oh I just realized... if I do that, that means you don't get her.\nMonica Geller: Damn it, I did not think this through!\nChandler Bing: Hey you guys.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Any word on casting yet?\nChandler Bing: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! . Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.\nChandler Bing: Joe...\nJoey Tribbiani: Just watch it, and if you don't like it, you don't pass it on to your bosses!\nChandler Bing: Fine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Work, Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Damn it!\nChandler Bing: What am I gonna do now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just pass it to your boss!\nChandler Bing: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!\nRachel Green: Just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.\nChandler Bing: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. Joey, for God's sake, go to work! .\nRoss Geller: I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. I've always thought of him as one of the people I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C3PO?\nCharlie Wheeler: Sorry, looks like it's just him.\nBenjamin Hobart: Charlie! My God, you look absolutely stunning!\nRoss Geller: Well, I... I am having a good hair day.\nBenjamin Hobart: So good to see you.\nCharlie Wheeler: Me too.\nRoss Geller: I'm ok.\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sorry... Ross Geller... Benjamin Hobart.\nRoss Geller: It's an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how long I've been an admirer of your work, I mean, that Nobel prize, whoooo! I mean, I have to tell you that, you're one of the reasons I got into the field.\nBenjamin Hobart: Oh, well, likewise. Actually, not likewise. I've never heard of you until this morning, but, it's nice to be nice!\nCharlie Wheeler: Shall we? .\nBenjamin Hobart: Thank you! . I can't believe that you chose this restaurant! Do you remember the night?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh my God, I completely forgot! Oh my God! I can't believe they let us back in this place! .\nBenjamin Hobart: You weren't there!\nRoss Geller: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... tzz-zzz, mmm.\nCharlie Wheeler: Ross, why don't you tell Benji about your proposal, while I go to the ladies room?\nBenjamin Hobart: So, tell me about it.\nRoss Geller: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.\nBenjamin Hobart: M-m.\nRoss Geller: See, there are still several areas that haven't been fully excavated.\nBenjamin Hobart: Break up with Charlie!\nRoss Geller: What?\nBenjamin Hobart: What?\nRoss Geller: Did you just say \"break up with Charlie\"?\nBenjamin Hobart: Well, yes, and now. Yes I did say it, and no, I didn't not say it.\nRoss Geller: Kind of inappropriate, don't you think?\nBenjamin Hobart: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long! All these feelings are rushing back! I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?\nBenjamin Hobart: If you say yes then I'm serious, if you say no then I'm joking!\nRoss Geller: No!\nBenjamin Hobart: Joking it is!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Sorry, I'm late.\nMonica Geller: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours!\nMonica Geller: Wow, what's the bad news!\nRachel Green: Who's Gladys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, she's that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.\nRachel Green: Oh, and Monica gets to keep her? In her house? I am so jealous!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I didn't know you wanted her too!\nMonica Geller: Huh!\nRachel Green: Well, I mean, sure, of course. But... you already gave that to Monica, so...\nMonica Geller: You know, I would give her up, for you.\nRachel Green: No, I couldn't let you do that.\nMonica Geller: But I want to.\nRachel Green: But I don't want you to.\nMonica Geller: But I insist!\nRachel Green: But I insist harder!\nPhoebe Buffay: Girls, girls, stop, ok? We'll flip a coin. Heads, she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. . Tails! Monica, she's yours!\nMonica Geller: No, that landed in your food!\nRachel Green: No, no, that's ok. You won fair and square. I'm so sad!\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's up?\nChandler Bing: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry man.\nJoey Tribbiani: But, ehm... you watched the tape?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! I... I... I liked it! But, ehm... my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches!\nJoey Tribbiani: You didn't watch the tape.\nChandler Bing: What!? Of course I did!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me?\nChandler Bing: I'm not lying to you, I watched it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you lied again!\nChandler Bing: I watched it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Keep going Pinocchio!\nChandler Bing: I did!\nJoey Tribbiani: No you didn't!\nChandler Bing: I'm telling you, I watched the tape.\nRachel Green: Did you watch the tape?\nChandler Bing: No!\nBenjamin Hobart: The selection committee has chosen the three of you as our finalists today. The ultimate decision will be based upon the answers you give to the questions I ask here. I'm gonna start with Dr. Li. Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant on the Linnaean taxonomic system. How do you propose to correct this problem?\nDr. Li: Well, I believe that the answers lie in the osteological evidence. I plan to begin there.\nBenjamin Hobart: Interesting.\nRoss Geller: I guess!\nBenjamin Hobart: Dr. Biely, your proposal includes some field work. Where might that take place?\nDr. Biely: Primarily in the Pierre Shale region of South Dakota.\nBenjamin Hobart: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?\nRoss Geller: What? I... I...\nBenjamin Hobart: Care to venture a guess?\nRoss Geller: May 12th?\nBenjamin Hobart: That's not even kinda close! Dr. Li, how many graduate students you'd be needing?\nDr. Li: Half a dozen.\nBenjamin Hobart: I see, and Dr. Biely?\nDr. Biely: Three for excavation and two for analysis.\nBenjamin Hobart: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British invasion band?\nRoss Geller: Wha..? I need 6 graduate students.\nBenjamin Hobart: No! I'm sorry, we were looking for \"Baby It's You\". Baby It's You.\nRoss Geller: Wha...? Wait, wait, wait, just a minute. None of my questions have anything to do with Paleontology.\nBenjamin Hobart: You're right, I apologize. Scratch the last question. Spell \"Boscodictiasaur\".\nRoss Geller: um... I've never heard of a \"Boscodictiasaur\".\nBenjamin Hobart: Yeah, I just made it up. Spell it.\nRoss Geller: Ok. B - O - S ...\nBenjamin Hobart: No, it starts with a silent \"M\".\nRoss Geller: Oh come on!!\nChandler Bing: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!\nRachel Green: But you are a liar.\nChandler Bing: What did I just say?\nJoey Tribbiani: You still here?\nChandler Bing: Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt. I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok whoah-hey... Let me just stop you right there, ok? First, you lied, right? Then, you lied about lying, ok? Then you lied about lying about lying, ok? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about... lying... Stop lying!\nChandler Bing: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna know wh...? You wanna know why?\nRachel Green: Well, this is going well.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan.\nJoey Tribbiani: And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! .\nChandler Bing: He really is a chameleon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Gladys say hello to your new home!\nMonica Geller: Oh, my!\nRachel Green: Wow! Oh, she's so nice and big! Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys oh so proudly?\nMonica Geller: I haven't really settled on a spot yet!\nRachel Green: Well, hey! How about right above the TV? . That way, it will be the first thing that you see when you walk in the door!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah! And you can get rid of that French poster.\nMonica Geller: I like that poster!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?\nRachel Green: Oh! There's nothing above your bed!!\nMonica Geller: Are you still here?\nRoss Geller: Oh hi! Hello! Uh, have you come to ask me some more paleontology related questions? Uhm... your grandmother's nickname, perhaps? Aunt Margaret's pants size?\nBenjamin Hobart: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.\nRoss Geller: No! Stop!\nBenjamin Hobart: Anyway, I've decided to offer you the grant.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nBenjamin Hobart: Well... there is just one small... stipulation...\nRoss Geller: I have to break up with Charlie?\nBenjamin Hobart: Hey, you got one right!\nRoss Geller: You're crazy.\nBenjamin Hobart: Crazy, or... romantic?\nRoss Geller: Crazy!\nBenjamin Hobart: Ooor...\nRoss Geller: Get out!\nRachel Green: O-oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: Joey, what... is... this...thing... doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: I got it from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.\nRachel Green: Joey, we're not keeping this!\nJoey Tribbiani: But it's an original Buffay...\nRachel Green: Alright, fine. You can keep it. As long as you don't mind that she's haunted.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey? what? what? wey! whoo! what? what!?\nRachel Green: Well, legend has it Joey, that... she comes alive when you're asleep.\nRachel Green: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.\nJoey Tribbiani: GET THAT LEGLESS WITCH OUT OF HERE!\nMonica Geller: Hey! I sold that to Joey.\nRachel Green: Well, why I told him it's haunted. Two can play at this game.\nMonica Geller: No, too late. You can't give it back!\nRachel Green: Yes I can!\nMonica Geller: No you can't. She's yours!\nRachel Green: She's yours!\nMonica Geller: SHE'S YOURS!\nRachel Green: She's yours!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: She's mine!\nMonica Geller: She's m-i-i-ne!\nRachel Green: She's mine!\nMonica Geller: She's mine!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis.\nRachel Green: I want Gladys!\nMonica Geller: She's mine!\nRachel Green: She's mine!\nMonica Geller: She's mine!\nRachel Green: She's mine!\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.\nChandler Bing: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Excellent!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, what do you say?\nChandler Bing: Lying is wrong!\nJoey Tribbiani: And?... AND?\nChandler Bing: I'm a pretty little girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: I knew it!\nRoss Geller: Your ex-boyfriend is insane.\nCharlie Wheeler: Did you get the grant?\nRoss Geller: No I didn't, and you want to know why? Because your ex-boyfriend is still in love with you.\nCharlie Wheeler: What?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.\nCharlie Wheeler: Benji isn't in love with me. I mean, he broke up with me. And besides, he's a very ethical man.\nRoss Geller: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of \"Underdog\"?\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sure he was just joking, Ross.\nRoss Geller: If you don't believe me, let's go talk to him, okay? I'm telling you, he didn't ask me one paleontological question.\nCharlie Wheeler: Seriously?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sorry, no. He did ask me one. Uhm... How do you spell Mboscodictiosaur?\nCharlie Wheeler: Well, if it's like the lake Mbosco in Congo, then M-B-O...\nRoss Geller: Damnit!\nBenjamin Hobart: Dr. Geller...? Charlie... What are you... what are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: I want you to tell her everything. About the deal you tried to make with me, about the crazy questions you... Wally Cox! That's the voice of Underdog!\nBenjamin Hobart: Like I tried to tell you in the interview Ross, this grant is not based on your knowledge of pretty useless trivia.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.\nCharlie Wheeler: Benji?\nBenjamin Hobart: Alright, it's true. I behaved horribly. But it's only because I still love you. And I would do anything to have you back in my life.\nRoss Geller: Too little, too late, Benji!\nCharlie Wheeler: I can't believe this.\nBenjamin Hobart: I never should have broken up with you. I think about you all the time. I mean, do you ever still think about me?\nRoss Geller: No!\nCharlie Wheeler: Yes!\nRoss Geller: What?\nCharlie Wheeler: I don't know what to say, Benji. This is all so... romantic.\nRoss Geller: or...\nBenjamin Hobart: Listen, I know, I may be way out of bounds here, but is there any chance you will take me back?\nCharlie Wheeler: Maybe...\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, this conversation is starting to make me a little uncomfortable.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh God! I am so sorry, but... I mean it's... there's so much history between us, you know...\nBenjamin Hobart: I'm sorry too...\nBenjamin Hobart: I love you!\nCharlie Wheeler: I love you too!\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's it. WE ARE SEEING OTHER PEOPLE!\nJoey Tribbiani: Gladys?\nRachel Green: Ha ha ha, third time this week. Man, this does not get old.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're mean!\nRachel Green: Oh, don't be such a baby! end."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey you guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what are you doing?\nMike Hannigan: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans.\nChandler Bing: That's funny, we were doing the same thing!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's really crazy! The hall, the dress, the food... I-I had no idea how expensive this stuff was!\nChandler Bing: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers.\nPhoebe Buffay: So what did you two do about it?\nChandler Bing: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell.\nRoss Geller: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.\nMike Hannigan: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just like half of that.\nPhoebe Buffay: But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use?\nMike Hannigan: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?\nMike Hannigan: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more.\nRoss Geller: I've got to say you guys, that's an incredible gesture!\nChandler Bing: Maybe you do that next time you get married!\nRoss Geller: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. But maybe the time after that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment.\nMonica Geller: We?\nChandler Bing: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, is this person who decides whether or not you... get a baby?\nChandler Bing: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.\nMonica Geller: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, maybe I should stop by! She could be a soap opera fan! It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity.\nChandler Bing: Little people?\nJoey Tribbiani: Celebrity.\nMonica Geller: Ok, so I think I'm just about done here, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like... porn or cigarettes?\nChandler Bing: What...? NO!\nMonica Geller: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation!\nMonica Geller: Ok, so there's not a magazine under the couch, or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank, or a filthy video in the VCR?\nChandler Bing: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.\nMonica Geller: It isn't mine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!\nCharity Guy: May I help you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children.\nCharity Guy: Well, any contribution, large or small, is always appreciated.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one.\nCharity Guy: Well, this is very generous!\nPhoebe Buffay: And we don't want any recognition. This is completely anonymous.\nMike Hannigan: Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay.\nCharity Guy: Well if you like, we can include your names in our newsletter.\nMike Hannigan: Not necessary.\nPhoebe Buffay: Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y.\nMike Hannigan: And \"X\" is spelled uhm... \"Mike Hannigan\".\nCharity Guy: Right. Well, on behalf of the children: thank you both very much.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, I so glad we did this. It feels so good!\nMike Hannigan: It does. It feels really good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look! And we get these free t-shirts!\nCharity Guy: Oh, actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mhm... it's moist.\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! Emma will be up in a minute!\nRoss Geller: Oh, good!\nRachel Green: Oh hey Ross... Listen, I heard about you and Charlie. I'm really sorry.\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's OK. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there.\nRachel Green: Absolutely.\nRoss Geller: There was one! She's it! All the rest look like they should live under a bridge!\nRachel Green: So, uhm... what are you gonna do today?\nRoss Geller: Well, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, what!?\nRoss Geller: Like I said I was thinking of taking Emma to the museum of knives and fire!\nRachel Green: Ok, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground.\nRoss Geller: Be-caaauuuse...\nRachel Green: All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.\nRoss Geller: Seriously?\nRachel Green: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! And it was uneven for weeks!\nRoss Geller: And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!\nRachel Green: Ok, fine! You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there. And I was thinking Claire Danes.\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, ok? But the swings are perfectly safe, and besides Emma loves them. You know what, you should come with us and you'll see!\nRachel Green: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth!\nRoss Geller: Space is filled with orbiting children. Look, please, just come on, you know, when you'll see the look on Emma's face, I swear you won't regret it.\nRachel Green: All right!\nRoss Geller: Good, you don't want to be one of those mothers who pass on their irrational fears on their children, do you?\nRachel Green: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I'll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment!\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, that's the same, I am sure there are thirty different species of poisonous swings!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, the adoption lady is early!\nChandler Bing: Ok, ok, here we go.\nMonica Geller: Ok.\nChandler Bing: Here we go. Stand up straight. Big smile.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello, is this the creepy residence?\nMonica Geller: We're waiting for the adoption lady, but, hey, I'm glad you're here. I was cleaning this morning and I found this . I don't know if you wanna use it, but...\nPhoebe Buffay: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won't be needing a veil, I actually won't be wearing a dress at all!\nMonica Geller: I told you! I am not coming to a naked wedding!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, we're not having a big reception, we took the money we were gonna spend on a wedding and we donate them to the children charity.\nMonica Geller: That's crazy! . I am sorry. I just can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that!\nPhoebe Buffay: We, you know, we're different! We don't care about having a huge party. This is really nice for you, but, oh, please, I put this on? And, ow, I look , why, well, radiant. All right, well, who cares, I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress.\nMonica Geller: That's right. You're making a commitment and that's the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it?\nPhoebe Buffay: City Hall.\nMonica Geller: Ow! Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's ok, it's ok. I made my decision. What I really want is a great big wedding.\nMonica Geller: Yay!\nChandler Bing: But you already gave all your money to charity!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'll just ask for it back!\nChandler Bing: I don't think you can do that!\nMonica Geller: Why not! This is her wedding day, this is way more important than some stupid kids!\nChandler Bing: That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady.\nRachel Green: Ok, careful.\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nRachel Green: Careful, watch her hair. WATCH HER HAIR!\nRoss Geller: Rach, she's got like three hairs!\nRachel Green: I know but they're just so beautiful! Oh, my God, I just pulled one out.\nRoss Geller: I promise you she's safe! No watch how much she loves this.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Ready sweety?\nRachel Green: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Here we go!\nRachel Green: Ok, careful, ok. Oh, she's smiling! Oh my God, she does like it!\nRoss Geller: See, I told you!\nRachel Green: Awe! Oh my God! Looks, she's a little dare-devil! Oh, let me push, can I push?\nRoss Geller: Oh, absolutely!\nRachel Green: Ok. Oh God. Get the camera, it's in the diaper bag.\nRoss Geller: Ok! See? Scared of swings, I bet you feel pretty silly Ow!\nMike Hannigan: We're seriously asking for our money back?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.\nCharity Guy: Wow! Are you here to make another donation the same day? I don't think that that's ever happened before.\nPhoebe Buffay: Gay, go.\nMike Hannigan: Oh my God, I love your shirt!\nPhoebe Buffay: The donation we made earlier, we k..., we w..., we want it back.\nCharity Guy: Excuse me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. See, that money was for a big wedding, that we thought we didn't want, but it turns out we do.\nCharity Guy: So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children?\nMike Hannigan: Yeah! This feels really good.\nPhoebe Buffay: I am sorry. I am, but this wedding is just really important to me.\nCharity Guy: Hey, it's not my business, besides it's probably a good thing. We really would have been spoiling the children, all those food, and warm clothing...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, that's not fair! A person's wedding is important! And especially to me! Ok? I didn't have a graduation party! And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who is his own words wanted to \"kill me\" or whatever. So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.\nMike Hannigan: She could have been talking about either one of us.\nLaura: Hi, I am Laura, I am here for your adoption interview.\nMonica Geller: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.\nLaura: Thank you!\nMonica Geller: Would you like something to drink?\nLaura: Oh, water would be fine.\nMonica Geller: Ok. Great. I am so glad that you are here. We're really excited about getting this process started.\nChandler Bing: Oh, because we love kids. Love 'em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law.\nLaura: Your place is just lovely.\nMonica Geller: Ah, thank you. This building does have a wholesome family feel to it.\nLaura: You know, I... I feel like I've been here before. Are any other couples in the building adopting?\nMonica Geller: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs.\nChandler Bing: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building.\nLaura: Oh...\nChandler Bing: What?\nLaura: I just realized why I remember this place.\nMonica Geller: Really? What is it?\nLaura: Oh, it's nothing. I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well.\nMonica Geller: Ohh... that wouldn't by any chance be... Joey Tribbiani?\nLaura: Yes!\nChandler Bing: Of course it was!\nLaura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't.\nChandler Bing: RAT BASTARD!\nLaura: So you're not friends with him?\nLaura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? OW!\nLaura: What was that?\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.\nRachel Green: Oh, oh Ross, oh my God, are you okay?\nRoss Geller: SON OF A BITCH! Oh relax! I didn't say the 'F' word!\nRachel Green: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.\nRoss Geller: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.\nRachel Green: Ross, c'mon, please. Can we just get out of here, before somebody else gets hurt?\nRoss Geller: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.\nRachel Green: I know what this is all about... You've always been jealous of my hair.\nRoss Geller: Look, I just think you're an adult, okay? And you should get over your silly fears.\nRachel Green: Alright fine. I'll do it.\nRoss Geller: Good.\nRachel Green: If you hold a spider.\nRoss Geller: WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?\nRachel Green: IF you hold a spider.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Guys? Everything ok? It's me, Joe...\nChandler Bing: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAaaa-doption!!\nLaura: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls.\nJoey Tribbiani: Guys!?\nMonica Geller: Keep on roaming Bert! We don't want any crazy today!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Everything doesn't sound fine!\nLaura: Is he alright out there by himself?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie.\nLaura: Bert and Ernie!\nChandler Bing: You can't make this stuff up!\nMike Hannigan: You never told me about that guy on your sweet sixteen. Oh, ugh. I'm sorry about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! It ended okay. One of my friends shot him.\nMike Hannigan: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up. Just like the kids I took the money from.\nMike Hannigan: No! No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.\nMike Hannigan: Alright, fine. We'll give the money back.\nPhoebe Buffay: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.\nPhoebe Buffay: We're back!\nCharity Guy: Are you here to take more money? Because, I think what you're looking for is an ATM.\nMike Hannigan: No, no, we're here to give the money back.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, because you know what, it's... it's all about the children.\nPhoebe Buffay: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. No... Oh God... Oh!\nCharity Guy: If I haven't said so already sir, congratulations!\nMike Hannigan: Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. Now... what do you think we should do?\nCharity Guy: You know what? It's not your decision anymore.\nMike Hannigan: What?\nCharity Guy: On behalf of the Children of New York, I reject your money.\nPhoebe Buffay: But... but... but we're giving you this!\nCharity Guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, this is very generous!\nCharity Guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.\nMike Hannigan: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.\nCharity Guy: Absolutely! And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, is that you?\nCharity Guy: No!\nMonica Geller: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye.\nChandler Bing: Wrong number?\nMonica Geller: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.\nChandler Bing: That's great!\nMonica Geller: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh...\nChandler Bing: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat?\nRachel Green: Ok... I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one.\nRoss Geller: Ok...\nRachel Green: Ok...\nRoss Geller: This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!\nRachel Green: Ok... O-k...\nRachel Green: Ok...\nRachel Green: whoo... ok... wow... ok... OH!\nRoss Geller: See?\nRachel Green: A-alright! I can do this.\nRoss Geller: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore.\nRachel Green: That's because he's on your neck.\nRoss Geller: Well... Whaa... aaah... aaahhh...\nRachel Green: ROSS! end."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey guys!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: We need to talk to you about something.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.\nEveryone: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding?\nChandler Bing: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.\nRoss Geller: That doesn't sound like you... That's Monica talking!\nChandler Bing: No, no! We made this decision together.\nRoss Geller: She's putting words in your mouth!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths!\nRachel Green: I can't believe this! This is Emma's first Thanksgiving!\nMonica Geller: No, it's not!\nRachel Green: It's not? When was she born?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, personally I think it's great you're giving yourself a break.\nMonica Geller: Thank you, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure. It's just as well... I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch.\nMonica Geller: What? You are way off, lady!\nPhoebe Buffay: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself.\nMonica Geller: That's my favourite kind! Okay, we are doing this!\nChandler Bing: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!\nMonica Geller: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!\nChandler Bing: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi! Happy Thanksgiving!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, happy needless-turkey-murder day.\nMonica Geller: You guys, I ordered some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me?\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not making the pies yourself?\nMonica Geller: No, no, no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I-I enter in this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick.\nRachel Green: Did you at least win the contest?\nMonica Geller: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4.\nRachel Green: Can't wait!\nMonica Geller: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year \"me\"!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's Emma doing today?\nRachel Green: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!\nRachel Green: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh... okay.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...\nRachel Green: And a thousand dollars.\nRachel Green: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that what's in the inside is important...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.\nRachel Green: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I was thinking...\nRachel Green: Oh, take the clothes of Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Did someone drop the baton again?\nChandler Bing: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?\nMonica Geller: I don't get older. I just get better!\nChandler Bing: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!\nMonica Geller: You don't know that.\nChandler Bing: Somebody is gonna pick us.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!\nChandler Bing: I'm telling ya! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. What, he's my favourite author!\nMonica Geller: Name one of his books.\nChandler Bing: \"The Firm\"?\nMonica Geller: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...\nChandler Bing: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.\nChandler Bing: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing \"high profile\".\nMonica Geller: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.\nChandler Bing: Tell me more.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these Not with soap!!\nChandler Bing: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hey, guess what Joey has!\nJoey Tribbiani: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!!\nRoss Geller: Dude, I wanted him to guess.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they're great seats too!\nRoss Geller: Guess where they are?\nJoey Tribbiani: Center ice.\nRoss Geller: Did I do something to you?\nChandler Bing: Hmm, the game's at one.\nRoss Geller: So?\nChandler Bing: Dinner is at four, we'll never gonna make it back.\nJoey Tribbiani: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time.\nChandler Bing: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, two times that happened!\nChandler Bing: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!\nRoss Geller: He's right, man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, I guess. Alright, so see you at four.\nChandler Bing: Okay. And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's some gentle comedy, dude.\nRoss Geller: We're still going at the game, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nHost: This is contestant number sixteen, Rebecca...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!\nPhoebe Buffay: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I think... It's just too weird, I just saw a one year old running around with pantyhose on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.\nRachel Green: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!\nPhoebe Buffay: But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, you have to calm down.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Rachel, the hottest babies in the Tri-State Area are in this room right now! I overheard one of the judges say that not one of them holds a candle to Emma!\nRachel Green: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: You heard them say that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: All right, okay. Alright, let's give to these babies something to cry about!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good! Oh yay! Let's get down to business! Emma needs some makeup!\nRachel Green: No, what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants!\nRachel Green: No Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not!\nRachel Green: Because I already did!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Bob, get off the guy!\nRoss Geller: Oh! What a game, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, yeah.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhhh! These seats are great!\nRoss Geller: I know, I know! When I was here for Holidays on Ice I was sitting so far away Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.\nRoss Geller: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know...\nRoss Geller: One more fight!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Where is everybody? They're forty-five minutes late!\nChandler Bing: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day!\nJoey Tribbiani: How late are we?\nRoss Geller: Forty-five minutes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow.\nRoss Geller: Here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were!\nRoss Geller: You may want to lose the foam finger!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: You are not at Thanksgiving?\nRachel Green: No...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we're late!\nRachel Green: What are you doing here!\nRoss Geller: We're late too!\nJoey Tribbiani: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani!\nRoss Geller: So, nobody's here? Monica's gonna kill us!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, where were you!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, we were at the Spelling Bee!\nRachel Green: And I won!\nRoss Geller: You won an adult Thanksgiving day spelling bee.\nRachel Green: Yes! Y-E-S. Yes!\nRoss Geller: Let me see this... Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.\nRachel Green: Yeah. That's me!\nRoss Geller: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant?\nPhoebe Buffay: And it looks like she put makeup on her!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this, she's our daughter! That you would treat her like some kind of showdog is inexcusable!\nRachel Green: She won a thousand dollars!\nRoss Geller: So this is an annual thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! That's Alicia Mae Emory's outfit!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. What are we gonna do?\nRachel Green: Well, I don't know, you guys figure it out, I got to put Emma down for a nap.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, what are we gonna say?\nRoss Geller: Ooh, we'll say that we were mugged! You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, good, that's good, but you don't look like you were mugged!\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Here.\nRoss Geller: HEY!\nMonica Geller: Do you hear something?\nChandler Bing: They're out there!\nMonica Geller: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!\nChandler Bing: Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says \"Rangers\" on it. They went to the game!\nMonica Geller: Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!\nChandler Bing: Ross' shirt is torn.\nMonica Geller: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy!\nRachel Green: Alright, Emma is napping... what happened to your shirt?\nRoss Geller: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.\nPhoebe Buffay: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.\nRoss Geller: That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.\nRachel Green: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time.\nRoss Geller: We know you're out there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who do you think its from?\nRachel Green: Oh, God. This is bad. This is so bad.\nRoss Geller: Well, let's just go in there and face them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.\nJoey Tribbiani: I hate that thing, it's like a... bolt of lightning.\nRachel Green: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. Ready? .\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah-haah! I win!!\nRoss Geller: What is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's fire. Beats everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? .\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! Well played, Phoebe Buffay, well played.\nRachel Green: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.\nEveryone: Alright, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's locked.\nRoss Geller: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: \"Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy\".\nRachel Green: Alright, come on... Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.\nMonica Geller: No! Everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the... the stuffing is all soggy.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... what happens to cranberry sauce?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. It's fine.\nChandler Bing: Oh thank God!\nRoss Geller: Come on you guys, we're sorry, alri...? Our subway broke down.\nChandler Bing: That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.\nRoss Geller: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!!\nRachel Green: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey.\nJoey Tribbiani: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that.\nMonica Geller: That's all the turkey you're gonna get.\nRoss Geller: How are we gonna decide who gets this?\nJoey Tribbiani: WATER BALLOON!\nPhoebe Buffay: What are we gonna do? I'm starving.\nRachel Green: Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah!\nMonica Geller: Hey, you touch that and you will be sorry.\nChandler Bing: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it.\nRachel Green: Huh... OH MY GOD IT'S BRUSSELS SPROUTS.\nRoss Geller: That's worse than no food.\nChandler Bing: HA-HA! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts!\nMonica Geller: Stinky?!\nChandler Bing: Please let me stay on this side of the door.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! We can just unlock the door.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. They clearly don't want to be with us.\nRachel Green: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.\nRoss Geller: I don't know...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm telling ya... I can do it.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, he can do it!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...\nChandler Bing: The cranberries...?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Enough! A monkey could have made 'em!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.\nChandler Bing: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're very very sorry. Right guys?\nRoss Geller: I feel terrible.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?\nChandler Bing: The floating heads do make a good point.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, they do seem to feel pretty bad.\nRachel Green: So bad.\nRoss Geller: So bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: So bad.\nMonica Geller: Okay, okay. You two go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.\nRachel Green: Dessert?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize . Here! .\nMonica Geller: Grand Supreme Little Darling?\nRachel Green: Congratulatioooons!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.\nRoss Geller: Really girls, not cool.\nChandler Bing: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this okay? We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness!\nRoss Geller: It's a day to be thankful.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't make me come up there!\nMonica Geller: It's too late for apologies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Let's just go. I don't need your stupid dinner.\nChandler Bing: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.\nRachel Green: Ewww, is that what that is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on you guys, let's just do our own Thanksgiving.\nRachel Green: Yeah! I'll cook!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Let's go out.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You three have a nice Thanksgiving.\nMonica Geller: The three of us?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ha!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh! I'm stuck!\nMonica Geller: Joey, that is not gonna work.\nJoey Tribbiani: No seriously... I'm really wedged in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll pull you through.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.\nChandler Bing: A little late for that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, hurry up, you gotta do something.\nMonica Geller: Alright, well, this does not change anything. Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.\nChandler Bing: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.\nMonica Geller: Bring it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a seperate person...\nMonica Geller: Here you go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that smells good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay, try it.\nJoey Tribbiani: It isn't working.\nMonica Geller: Alright, we're gonna have to unscrew the chain.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well hurry, I can't feel my ears!\nChandler Bing: Can you ever feel your ears?\nJoey Tribbiani: Interesting...\nMonica Geller: Chandler, where are your tools?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I left them on my bulldozer... I don't have tools!\nMonica Geller: I do, but Rachel borrowed them.\nRachel Green: I lent them to Ross.\nRoss Geller: I gave them to Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: I left them at the park.\nMonica Geller: Oh!\nRoss Geller: I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussel sprouts down his pants.\nRoss Geller: Nice!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's really starting to hurt.\nChandler Bing: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!\nPhoebe Buffay: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! Stop putting things down my pants!\nChandler Bing: Come on guys, PUSH!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Come on!\nChandler Bing: My cranberries!\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I've got food all over me.\nChandler Bing: Argh! I can't believe what you did. Monica's gonna kill you!\nChandler Bing: Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!\nMonica Geller: I don't care.\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: That was the adoption agency...\nChandler Bing: And?\nMonica Geller: WE'RE GETTING A BABY!\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nMonica Geller: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!\nRachel Green: I'm so happy for you!\nMonica Geller: This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass!\nRachel Green: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.\nRoss Geller: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. Have you considered pageanting?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I know how you feel...\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia Mae Emory... The waiting, the wandering... Then one day... I get that call from Toys \"R\" Us... She was in stock!\nChandler Bing: That is the exact same thing."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: We're just here to say goodbye, we're off to Ohio.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, right! Your adoption interview!\nMonica Geller: Yep, we're gonna meet the lady who could be carrying our baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe it. When you guys come back, you're gonna have a baby! That is so weird!\nChandler Bing: And so incorrect!\nMonica Geller: She's only a couple of months pregnant. She liked our application but who knows if she's gonna like us.\nRoss Geller: Come on, she's gonna love you guys!\nChandler Bing: Uhm, thank you, but we're really trying not to get our hopes up.\nMonica Geller: And a lot could still get in our way.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. I mean, this girl could decide against adoption or she could like another couple better..\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you gonna name the baby?\nChandler Bing: I can develop a condition in which I talk and talk and no one hears a word.\nJoey Tribbiani: But just think, ok? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. She's gonna pick us!\nChandler Bing: So we're standing firm on the 'not getting our hopes up'?\nMonica Geller: You know, I know that things could still go wrong but if they don't? If this works out, we're gonna have a baby Chandler, a baby!\nChandler Bing: Yes, but...\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, it's gonna WORK! We're gonna make it work! I'm gonna be a mummy and you're gonna be a daddy! All right, I'll see you suckers. I'm gonna get me... A BABY!\nChandler Bing: Oh, screw it, I'm gonna be a daddy!!\nRachel Green: Hey, who's Phoebe with?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: So... who's your friend?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that's Sarah. No, no. Don't you get any ideas, ok? No, I'm not setting you up with any more of my friends!\nJoey Tribbiani: OW, why, why, why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because you'll date her once, sleep with her and then forget she exists!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, name one friend of yours that I did that with.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mandy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mandy, uh? Uh... really hot blonde, big boobs?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know why I don't remember her, huh?\nRachel Green: Do you think I'm someone else?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?\nRachel Green: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!\nJoey Tribbiani: Growth!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine, I'll give you her number.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. Mandy.\nPhoebe Buffay: SARAH!\nJoey Tribbiani: Saraaah.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey you guys, I need some fashion advice.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nRoss Geller: How does this look?\nRachel Green: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... a little bit more... a little bit more... There you go! Now throw it away!\nRoss Geller: C'mon! This looks good!\nRachel Green: Ross, please, trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that... NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat.\nRoss Geller: Damnit! I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right?\nRoss Geller: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can see why, nice shirt!\nRoss Geller: You're wearing the same shirt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Stupid Gap on every corner!\nAgency Guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.\nMonica Geller: Ok, thank you. Uh, well this is it. Are you OK?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Just weird, you know. It's like: \"Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have the human growing inside you?\"\nMonica Geller: Uh, we're gonna be great.\nChandler Bing: You're gonna be great.\nMonica Geller: Well... obviously!\nAgency Guy: Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.\nMonica Geller: Hi. It is so, so nice to meet you.\nErica: Hi...\nChandler Bing: Thank you so much for agreeing to see us.\nErica: Hi.\nAgency Guy: I'll let you get acquainted.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nErica: So, it's Monica and Chandler. I only know you as file 0W33815-D.\nChandler Bing: That's what our friends call us.\nErica: Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. It's... kind of intimidating.\nMonica Geller: I don't know about that.\nErica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?\nChandler Bing: I don't think that's exactly...\nMonica Geller: Let her finish, doctor.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! So you're gonna call this one back?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you talking about? Sarah's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...\nPhoebe Buffay: That's it? That's why you won't go out with her again? So, she took some fries, big deal!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, look! It's not about a few fries... it's about what the fries represent.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: ALL FOOD!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I can't believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look. I take a girl out, she can order whatever she wants! The more, the better! All right? Just don't order a Garden salad and then eat my food! That's a good way to lose some fingers!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank God you're here. Listen to this!\nRachel Green: what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey and my friend were out last night and having dinner and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries...\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh, no!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? You know about the plate thing?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah. Joey doesn't share food. I mean, just last week we were having breakfast and he had a couple of grapes on his plate and ...\nPhoebe Buffay: You wouldn't let her have a grape?\nRachel Green: Oh no! Not me! Emma!\nJoey Tribbiani: JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I still think that it's a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like that! A sharing buffer! Yeah! I'll order some extra fries! Maybe a plate of onion rings. Yeah. And a shrimp cocktail. And some buffalo wings. Maybe an individual pizza, uh? And some mozzarella sticks. What were we talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: This place is awesome!\nRoss Geller: You know, we should just go, I'm not gonna find anything here! This stuff is ridiculous!\nRachel Green: Ah, this place is great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow!\nRoss Geller: Rach, come on, I'm not gonna wear any of this! Nothing silver. . Ok? Nothing with hair! And nothing with padlocks on it! .\nRachel Green: Ross, look, I know that some of this stuff is out there, but I mean, come on, look at this, look at this sweater! . I mean, this is just beautiful!\nRoss Geller: Wow, this is really soft . Three hundred and fifty dollars?\nRachel Green: Yeah, down from seven hundred, you are saving like two hundred bucks!\nRoss Geller: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today. Phoebe : Hey, check this out! It's totally you!\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah! Boys will be boys?\nPhoebe Buffay: What? They will be!\nRoss Geller: All right, that's it, I'm getting out of here.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there's other stuff. Here's a nice shirt, look at these nice pants...\nRoss Geller: Uh, actually these might look pretty good on me.\nRachel Green: Yes, they will! You know what you should do? Just go take a walk, all right? I know your size and I'm... I'm gonna pick up some really good stuff for you.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she's gonna go nuts for you.\nRoss Geller: So, you're saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers?\nRachel Green: Why do men keep talking to me like this?\nChandler Bing: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife's a reverend, that's important to you?\nErica: Yeah, I read some great applications, but then I thought \"who better then a minister to raise a child!\"\nMonica Geller: Amen.\nChandler Bing: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!\nMonica Geller: Uh, good hands. Healing hands.\nErica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the bible say anything about adoption?\nMonica Geller: It says \"Do it!\". And behold she did adopt onto them a baby. And it was good.\nErica: Wow.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, wow.\nErica: I was wondering you both have such serious jobs. Would you have time to take care of a baby and your flock?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you know, my flock is good, I mean, yeah, my flock pretty much takes care of themselves at this point. Good flock. Flock, flock, flock.\nErica: Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.\nChandler Bing: No-ot for me it doesn't.\nAgency Guy: So, how's everything going in here?\nErica: We're great, I think I may have asked all my questions.\nAgency Guy: Do you have any question for Erica?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, actually. So, you read a file that you liked and you gave the agency the serial number and they contacted us?\nAgency Guy: Yes, our system assures total anonimity. We're very proud of it.\nChandler Bing: You should be. You're really on top of stuff..\nAgency Guy: Well, then if there's nothing else, then the two of us should talk.\nErica: Actually, I don't think we have to.\nMonica Geller: We don't?\nErica: Yeah, when I read about you two, I was pretty sure I wanted you, but I just thought we should meet face to face. . I've made my decision. I choose them.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, this is great! This is so great! . Did you hear that?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I did.\nMonica Geller: Hey, thank you. Thank you so much. . You are SO going to Heaven!\nRachel Green: We got some really great stuff!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah but I am not sure about some of the bra's I got.\nRachel Green: Oh! Really? Do you wanna try some of them on for me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! okay. Wait, are we in Joey's imagination?\nRachel Green: Oh no! I took one of Ross' bags by mistake, and one of mine is missing.\nPhoebe Buffay: oh, well, Ross probably has it, you can get it from him later.\nRoss Geller: So? What do you think?\nJoey Tribbiani: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I really don't think you should be wearing that.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I see, somebody is afraid of a little competition with the ladies?\nJoey Tribbiani: Looks like someone IS the ladies!!\nRoss Geller: You're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off. Yeah, now if you'll excuse me I have a date. See? ALL eyes on ME!\nChandler Bing: We are NOT signing those papers.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: It's wrong. They made a mistake. They think we're somebody else.\nMonica Geller: God works in mysterious ways.\nChandler Bing: You have gotta stop!\nMonica Geller: But she liked us.\nChandler Bing: She likes Doctor Chandler and Reverend Monica.\nMonica Geller: Well, if you think about it, I am kind of like a Reverend. I mean, as a chef, I serve God, by feeing the hungry and poor.\nChandler Bing: Your Veal Chop is $34,95!\nMonica Geller: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.\nChandler Bing: But we are not the one she chose! How can you feel okay about this?\nMonica Geller: Because... We may not be who she thinks we are but no-one will ever love that baby more than us.\nChandler Bing: I know..\nMonica Geller: I mean, who knows how long it's gonna take for someone else to give us a baby? What if, what if no one ever picks us?\nChandler Bing: oh, honey..\nMonica Geller: Please.. please, we are so close.\nChandler Bing: Monica, I want a baby too, but this woman is giving away her child. She deserves to know who it's going to.\nMonica Geller: okay, right.\nChandler Bing: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.\nMonica Geller: Maybe she will. Uh! Why couldn't I have been a Reverend?\nChandler Bing: You're Jewish.\nMonica Geller: Technicality!\nWaiter: A garden salad for the lady.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that looks great! Good ordering!\nWaiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!\nSarah: Mmmh, those fries look delicious.\nJoey Tribbiani: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours.\nSarah: Oh wow, are those stuffed clams?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uuuh.. yes, they are my stuffed clams.\nJoey Tribbiani: How about those fries though, huh?\nSarah: They are delicious.\nJoey Tribbiani: You are beautiful, you know that?\nSarah: Oh, that is so sweet..\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh okay..\nJoey Tribbiani: NOW look what you did!!\nSarah: What? what is the matter with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't like it when people take food off of my plate, okay?\nSarah: But you just said \"What's mine is yours\"?\nJoey Tribbiani: WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!\nSarah: Fine, I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that big a deal.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, I'm overreacting. Okay, It's just when it comes to food, I have certain rules, okay, I mean There are things you do..and you now, things.. that you don't do .\nGirl: Wow, this place looks great.\nRoss Geller: Oh! You are gonna love it! and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.\nGirl: Me too!\nRoss Geller: Here So this was fun!\nJoey Tribbiani: I really am sorry about, you know..before. I just want to make sure you know that I really do like you.\nSarah: Sure Just not as much as clams.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, stuffed clams.\nWaiter: Chocolate Torte for the lady, cheesecake for the gentleman.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, excuse me sir, there seems to be some sort of red crap on my cheesecake.\nWaiter: Yes, that's Raspberry coule.\nJoey Tribbiani: So stupid, ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy.\nSarah: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, all right, I'll just have what she's having instead.\nWaiter: Oh, I'm sorry sir, that was our last piece.\nSarah: Mmmm! Mmm!\nSarah: Oh, no! This is work. I should call in. Can you excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, sure. No problem.\nSarah: What are you doing? I thought you don't share food.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure I do. Coule?\nSarah: No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nSarah: Really! Now this all better be here when I come back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, of course. I can control myself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Stop staring at me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why, just a tiny little...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh! TIME LAPSE.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not even sorry.\nErica: Hi!\nAdoption Agency Guy: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nAgency Guy: So, these are the preliminary forms for an open adoption. There's a lot to go over, but I'll explain everything as we go through it.\nMonica Geller: I-Is... Is that a picture?\nErica: Yeah. It's a sonogram they took of the baby last week. I thought you might want to see it.\nMonica Geller: Look, doctor! Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk... We're not who you think we are.\nAgency Guy: I don't understand.\nChandler Bing: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.\nErica: What?\nAgency Guy: That's impossible.\nChandler Bing: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.\nAgency Guy: I'll go check your file. Excuse me.\nErica: So who are you?\nChandler Bing: Well, our names really are Monica and Chandler. We're from New York.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby.\nErica: So you lied to me before?\nMonica Geller: Well, we... \"bore false witness\"... See I could be a reverend.\nErica: I can't believe this.\nMonica Geller: But we were hoping that since we told you the truth that you still might consider...\nErica: Giving you my baby? You think I'd give you my child after this?\nMonica Geller: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file...\nErica: I don't want to look at your file! This is over.\nChandler Bing: Erica wait!\nErica: I've nothing to say to you.\nChandler Bing: You have every reason to be upset. We did lie. But only because we've been waiting and trying to have a baby for so long. Now we don't know how long it's gonna be before we can get another chance again.\nErica: Why don't you ask the reverend to pray on it?\nChandler Bing: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.\nErica: Oh yeah. I actually liked you guys. But it doesn't matter, because what you did was wrong.\nChandler Bing: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?\nChandler Bing: You still want that baby?\nMonica Geller: God bless you Chandler Bing!\nRoss Geller: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, why are you still wearing it?\nRoss Geller: Because it's soft... Hey, so how was your date?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh... Not so good.\nRoss Geller: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and you know what? We could do a lot worse.\nJoey Tribbiani: JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD! end."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Mmh... this cake is amazing!\nRachel Green: My God, get a room!\nMonica Geller: I would get a room with this cake. I think I could show this cake a good time!\nPhoebe Buffay: If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?\nMonica Geller: Sex!\nChandler Bing: Seriously, answer faster!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry honey, you know, but when she said \"sex\" I wasn't thinking about \"sex with you\"!\nChandler Bing: It's like a giant hug.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, how about you. What would you give up, sex or food?\nRoss Geller: Food.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, how about... uhm... sex or dinosaurs?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. It's like Sophie's Choice.\nRachel Green: Oh God. What about you, Joe? What would you give up, sex or food?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... oh... I don't know, it's too hard.\nRachel Green: No, you gotta pick one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... food. No, sex. Food! Sex! Food! Se-I don't know! Good God, I don't know, I want girls on bread!\nRachel Green: You gotta see these latest pictures of Emma.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how cute!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, she looks just like a little doll!\nRachel Green: Oh, no, no. That is a doll.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! Look, there's Chandler.\nRachel Green: Oh. Who is the blonde, she's pretty.\nPhoebe Buffay: OH! He's having an affair.\nRachel Green: He's not having an affair!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, I'm always right about these things.\nRachel Green: No, you're not! Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!\nRachel Green: Oh, that doesn't mean anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. Ok, duck down.\nChandler Bing: Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so... ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either \"Liar, Liar\" or \"Betrayal\", or... \"An Affair To Remember\".\nChandler Bing: Those are all really old!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, then maybe it'll be, uhm...\nRachel Green: \"Dude, Where's My Car?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: They're in a caaar...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, we-we'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.\nRachel Green: Geez!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Quick. We gotta find a cab and follow them.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, ok. Let me just grab my night vision goggles and my stun gun.\nPhoebe Buffay: I got them!\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey! You smell like perfume and cigarettes.\nChandler Bing: I was in the car with Nancy all day.\nMonica Geller: Nancy doesn't smoke!\nChandler Bing: Well, at least the perfume is not mine, be thankful for that!\nMonica Geller: So? What do you think of the house?\nChandler Bing: It's perfect. It's everything we've been looking for.\nMonica Geller: Isn't it? Then what about the amazing wainscotting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?\nChandler Bing: And the wiggle wharms and the zip zorps? What were the things you said?\nMonica Geller: Don't you love the huge yard?\nChandler Bing: And the fireplace in the bedroom.\nMonica Geller: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!\nChandler Bing: This is bringing out a lovely color in you!\nMonica Geller: So? Do you think we should get it?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. What do you think?\nMonica Geller: I think we should.\nChandler Bing: I do too.\nMonica Geller: This is huge!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: How bad you wanna smoke, right now.\nChandler Bing: I don't know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy's car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.\nMonica Geller: Gotcha. When do we tell them about this?\nChandler Bing: We don't. Not until it's a hundred percent. I mean, why upset everybody over nothing.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Right. Oh my God that is gonna be so hard.\nChandler Bing: I know. Gooooood luck with it.\nRoss Geller: I just can't see Chandler cheating!\nRachel Green: I'm telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler? Forty-five minutes? Well, something is not right. I just can't believe he would do this to Monica!\nRoss Geller: I know, and with the baby coming?\nPhoebe Buffay: So, should we tell her?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Who'd you seen him with?\nRoss Geller: No one, I'm just saying if...\nPhoebe Buffay: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!\nRoss Geller: I know nothing! Mike's a great guy, it was hypothetical!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. . He is a good guy. You're right, he wouldn't cheat.\nRoss Geller: Believe me, if I did see with someone, there's no way I...\nPhoebe Buffay: WHO DID YOU SEE HIM WITH?\nRachel Green: Oh, look at her, so happy!\nMonica Geller: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, is uhm... is Chandler here?\nMonica Geller: No, he's picking up dinner, why, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, look, whatever happens, we're here for you and we love you.\nMonica Geller: All right...\nRoss Geller: We think Chandler might be having an affair.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.\nPhoebe Buffay: They went in together. So sorry.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Oh my God that's awful! What did you think of the house?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, you understand what we are saying, right?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... Did you think the neighborhood was homey?\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: You son of a bitch!\nChandler Bing: Is it me, or have the greetings gone downhill around here?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today and... em... they think you're having an affair.\nRachel Green: Who's Nancy?\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: Ok, alright, you guys, you'd better sit down, this is pretty big.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I'm not having an affair. Nancy is our realtor.\nJoey Tribbiani: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why do you have a realtor?\nMonica Geller: Uhm, she has been showing us houses outside of the city.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: Are you serious?\nMonica Geller: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you're gonna move?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?!\nRachel Green: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it, Ross is doing it, Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it!\nMonica Geller: And that's great for you guys, but we want a lawn and a swingset...\nChandler Bing: ...and a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice-cream truck can go by.\nRoss Geller: So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?\nPhoebe Buffay: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?\nRoss Geller: You know what, if you wanna look for a house, that's okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, it's not, don't listen to him! I'm gonna thump you!\nRoss Geller: It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay , but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.\nChandler Bing: Actually, we already found a house we love.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: And about an hour ago, we made an offer.\nChandler Bing: Bet you wish I was having an affair now, huh? TIME LAPSE.\nRoss Geller: You put an offer on a house?\nMonica Geller: It's so sweet. It really is. It has this big yard that leads down to this stream and then there's these old maple trees...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wha..? Again with the nature, what are you? Beavers?\nChandler Bing: I know this is really hard and we're really sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is this because I come over here without knocking and eat your food? Because I can stop doing that, I really, really think I can!\nChandler Bing: You know that's not the reason Joe.\nMonica Geller: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. It is beautiful, isn't it?\nRachel Green: Yeah it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell are you doin'?\nRachel Green: Well, it is, all right? When we were out there today, all I kept thinking was: I can't believe Chandler is screwing this woman, but MAN this would be a nice place to live!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but so is this.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I mean, if you moved there, you have to leave here. I mean, how can you leave this place?\nRachel Green: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!\nRoss Geller: You can see where he'd have trouble.\nRachel Green: Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.\nMonica Geller: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...\nRoss Geller: That money is mine, Green!\nRachel Green: You're fly is open, Geller!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?\nChandler Bing: Hey, that's...'joincidence' with a 'C'!\nPhoebe Buffay: Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.\nRachel Green: Ow, that had to hurt!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.\nThe Guys: We will.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in concentric circles.\nRachel Green: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.\nMonica Geller: Every year.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's stuck!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Easy. Step. How did it get on?\nJoey Tribbiani: I put it on to scare Chandler!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!\nJoey Tribbiani: It smells really bad in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head inside a turkey's ass!\nMonica Geller: Hey, did you get the turkey bast-Oh my God! Oh my God! Who is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Joey.\nMonica Geller: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?\nRachel Green: Oooohh that's interesting.\nChandler Bing: If you win, we give up the birds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dah!!\nChandler Bing: But if we win, we get your apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooooh!\nMonica Geller: Deal! TIME LAPSE.\nRoss Geller: What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Big fat goalie.\nRoss Geller: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie...\nChandler Bing: Dangerous Liaisons.\nRoss Geller: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...\nJoey Tribbiani: Weekend at Bernie's.\nRoss Geller: Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Everyday use.\nChandler Bing: Fancy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Guest.\nChandler Bing: Fancy guest.\nRoss Geller: Two seconds...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, 11!\nRoss Geller: 11, unbelievable, 11 is correct.\nRoss Geller: Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?\nRachel Green: 14?\nRoss Geller: No, 19.\nChandler Bing: Thanks man.\nRoss Geller: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?\nMonica Geller: Maurice.\nRoss Geller: Correct, his profession was?\nRachel Green: Space cowboy!\nRoss Geller: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?\nRachel Green: Ow...Oh Gosh!\nRoss Geller: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.\nMonica Geller: It's umm, it has something to do with transponding.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, he's a transponce-transpondster!\nMonica Geller: That's not even a word!\nMonica Geller: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! TIME LAPSE.\nRachel Green: Y'know what, you are mean boys, who are just being mean!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, don't get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!\nRachel Green: That is not true. She did! She forced me!\nMonica Geller: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn't gotten the question wrong!\nRachel Green: Well it stupid, unfair question!\nRoss Geller: Don't blame the questions!\nChandler Bing: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!\nRoss Geller: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!\nChandler Bing: Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then!\nMonica Geller: Hey Ross. What's up bro?\nRoss Geller: What the hell are doing?!!\nRachel Green: Hey, what's-what's going on?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! He's right there!\nRoss Geller: I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!\nChandler Bing: Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.\nMonica Geller: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but iit-t's true, I love him too.\nRoss Geller: My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this.\nMonica Geller: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, \"What were you thinking?\"\nRachel Green: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but umm, I don't want to live with Rachel anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're just so mean to each other! And I don't want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!\nRachel Green: Well, Phoebe that's fine because I'm not moving.\nMonica Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y'know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y'know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she'll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I'd like.\nPhoebe Buffay: What else?\nMonica Geller: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.\nMonica Geller: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.\nRachel Green: Well y'know, I don't want you to be cold.\nMonica Geller: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! TIME LAPSE.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: She really left.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: No problem roomie.\nMonica Geller: Can I ask you a question?\nChandler Bing: Sure!\nMonica Geller: What the hell is that dog doing here?!\nChandler Bing: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.\nEveryone: That's so sweet.\nRoss Geller: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.\nRachel Green: And a crappy New Year.\nChandler Bing: Here, here!\nRachel Green: You can't move. You just... you just can't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel's right. This is where you guys belong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you don't wanna live in Westchester. That's like the worst of the Chesters.\nRoss Geller: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good.\nRachel Green: Yeah. So don't move, okay? Just stay here and... maybe close your blinds at night.\nChandler Bing: Hello? It's Nancy, they responded to our offer.\nMonica Geller: And?\nChandler Bing: Okay, thanks... They passed. They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.\nMonica Geller: We can't afford that.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: Well, there you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm really sorry you guys.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I'm sorry too. I'm even more sorry that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window.\nRachel Green: Yeah, we're gonna let you be alone.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're gonna be okay?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we'll be okay.\nRoss Geller: Love you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, I'm really sorry I wasn't more supportive before.\nChandler Bing: That's okay, we understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?\nMonica Geller: I know there'll be other houses, but it's just so... I love that one so much.\nChandler Bing: Yeah... Well, it's a good thing we got it then.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: We got the house.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: I just didn't want to tell you in front of them.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! My God! We've got the house !?\nChandler Bing: We're getting the house. We're getting the house.\nMonica Geller: And a baby...\nChandler Bing: We're growing up.\nMonica Geller: We sure are.\nChandler Bing: So who's gonna tell them?\nMonica Geller: Not it!\nChandler Bing: Not it! Damn it!\nMonica Geller: Rachel, this is yours.\nRachel Green: Aah! Why? What are these for?\nChandler Bing: You'll see.\nMonica Geller: All right, everybody open them!\nRachel Green: Ooh! Oh wow this is so beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! These are the ones I was looking at in the store.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRoss Geller: I love this.\nJoey Tribbiani: A meatball Sub? Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Seriously you guys, what's going on? What are these for?\nChandler Bing: Well, I didn't know how to tell you before, but... We got the house.\nMonica Geller: Enjoy!\nJoey Tribbiani: What did they say?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey guys!\nMonica Geller: Hey, let me tell them!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nMonica Geller: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!\nPhoebe Buffay: Great!\nRoss Geller: Really? Which one?\nMonica Geller: Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.\nRoss Geller: Things you find in the ocean, You're gonna be on \"Pyramid\"!!\nMonica Geller: Oh, that was our favourite game show ever!\nRoss Geller: Except for \"Match game\"...\nMonica Geller: Or \"Win, Lose or Draw\".\nChandler Bing: What did I marry into?\nJoey Tribbiani: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, sorry boys, this ride's closing.\nRoss Geller: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously?\nRoss Geller: Yeah-uh!\nMonica Geller: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.\nChandler Bing: You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.\nRachel Green: Oh God, that's right. I blocked that out.\nMonica Geller: \"I'm a little bit country\"...\nRoss Geller: \"...and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll\"!\nChandler Bing: I'm leaving you.\nRoss Geller: So weird to see all these people again... Oh my God, look, there's Geoffrey Cleric.\nChandler Bing: Who?\nRoss Geller: He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamburino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.\nChandler Bing: Did I go to this school?\nRoss Geller: Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. You gotta remember her.\nChandler Bing: Sure, nice.\nRoss Geller: Dude. You're married to my sister.\nChandler Bing: You're right, by saying \"nice\" I'm virtually licking her.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I hear she's single again, d'you think I should ask her out?\nChandler Bing: Are you asking permission to break the pact?\nRoss Geller: Yes please.\nRoss Geller: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!\nChandler Bing: Awesome, the name really stands out.\nRoss Geller: Thanks to a little something called \"Helvetica Bold 24 point\"!\nChandler Bing: Man, we're gonna rock that Asian student union!\nMissy Goldberg: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, Missy...\nChandler Bing: You know, our band is playing on Friday.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah. You should come check us out. We're called \"Way! No Way!\".\nMissy Goldberg: No way!\nMissy Goldberg: Right. I'll be there.\nChandler Bing: Fresh!\nRoss Geller: Boss!\nChandler Bing: Mint!\nRoss Geller: She's gone.\nChandler Bing: I know it. You know, I'm totally gonna ask her out.\nRoss Geller: Dude, I was gonna ask her out.\nChandler Bing: I said it first, bro.\nRoss Geller: Well, I thought it first, Holmes.\nChandler Bing: Look, if you did...\nRoss Geller: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.\nChandler Bing: Totally. I had sex in High school...\nRoss Geller: Me too. I'm good at it.\nChandler Bing: All right, I'd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.\nRoss Geller: You got it.\nChandler Bing: All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.\nRoss Geller: Those are the pacts!\nChandler Bing: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh... maybe not you!\nChandler Bing: Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.\nRoss Geller: Thank you. All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?\nChandler Bing: Your hands are shaking.\nRoss Geller: I know, and I can't stop sweating.\nVoice: Five! Four! Three! Applause!\nDonny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with \"Days of Our Life's\" star Joey Tribbiani!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but... relax, I'm just like you! Only better looking and richer.\nDonny Osmond: ...should be playing with the star of \"General Hospital\" Leslie Charleson. Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?\nGene: I'll take \"You crossed the line\".\nDonny Osmond: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...\nGene: Diary.\nJoey Tribbiani: Noo, more like a notebook... Damn it! Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...\nGene: Cafeteria.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! But that is not what they're looking for. OOOH!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you so much for this.\nRachel Green: Oh, d'you like it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I... there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok. I see what you're doing, that's fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. Hmmmm... raunchy!\nRachel Green: Seriously Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?\nRachel Green: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!\nDonny Osmond: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.\nDonny Osmond: Give me twenty seconds on the clock. Ready? Go!\nGene: You put this in your coffee.\nJoey Tribbiani: A spoon. Your hands. Your face!\nGene: It's white!\nJoey Tribbiani: Paper, snow, a ghost!\nGene: It's heavier then milk!\nJoey Tribbiani: A rock, a dog, the earth.\nGene: Pass!\nGene: You put this on a sandwich.\nJoey Tribbiani: Salami, anchovies, jam!\nGene: It's white!\nJoey Tribbiani: Paper, snow, a ghost!\nGene: It's made from eggs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chickens?\nGene: Pass!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nGene: You put this on a hamburger!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ketchup!\nGene: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Relish!\nGene: Stop!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nDonny Osmond: Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nDonny Osmond: Uh, Gene, you're gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, don't go away.\nStage Manager: And we're out!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?\nGene: Hey! I got a kid starting college. I've to get surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, wow! I'm so sorry, ok? I promise, we'll do better next time!\nGene: Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? . Yeah!\nRoss Geller: So, Saturday night!\nMissy Goldberg: I'd love to!\nRoss Geller: Great!\nMissy Goldberg: So how come it took you so long to ask me out?\nRoss Geller: Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kinda silly, but, do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing?\nMissy Goldberg: Sure, he was in your \"band\"?\nRoss Geller: It's been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.\nMissy Goldberg: Sorry.\nRoss Geller: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!\nMissy Goldberg: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, why?\nMissy Goldberg: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!\nRoss Geller: You did?\nMissy Goldberg: Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after hours!\nRoss Geller: AND ON MY TURF?\nMonica Geller: Hey, where is this guy, it's been over an hour!\nRachel Green: Well, he's coming from Jersey, he said he would get here as fast as he could!\nMonica Geller: Who is it?\nMan: It's the police!\nRachel Green: Uh! The police!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nMan: That's right, it's officer Goodbody.\nMonica Geller: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad?\nRoy: Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!\nRoy: Ooh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.\nMonica Geller: Are you gonna be ok, officer, uhm,...\nRoy: Goodbody!\nMonica Geller: ...If-you-say-so.\nRoy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take downtown!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, God!\nRoy: All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and we'll get this party started! Whaaaa... Here? All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding?\nRachel Green: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!\nPhoebe Buffay: How old is your phonebook?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!\nRoy: Are you talking about me?\nMonica Geller: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!\nRoy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? Did someone call for the long arm of the law? I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!\nRoy: Whoa, whoa, whoa . She cringed!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is how I look when I'm turned on!\nRoy: You were talking about me before! Look, I don't need this! I'm outta here! Where's my hat? Look, I've been in this business for a long time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Shocking!\nRoy: Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, I'll be on my way!\nPhoebe Buffay: Three hundred dollars, are you kidding?\nRachel Green: No, that's ok, let's me just get my check book!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you're not gonna pay him, he didn't do anything!\nRoy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.\nRoy: Well, look - it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all it's glory.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume!\nRoy: I may have borrowed this from my nephew, but let me assure you, what's underneath ... is all man.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, did you say all man or old man?\nRoy: Oh, you're mean!\nMonica Geller: Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...\nRoy: Damnit. OH! Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!\nDonny Osmond: Ok Henrietta, you've picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.\nJoey Tribbiani: My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes!\nDonny Osmond: Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. Pass. Pass. Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.\nHenrietta: Uvula!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, then pass.\nDonny Osmond: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani.\nRoss Geller: You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?\nChandler Bing: Excuse me. . That didn't make us sound gay at all!\nRoss Geller: You broke the pact!\nChandler Bing: Ross, that was 16 years ago!\nRoss Geller: That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.\nChandler Bing: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.\nRoss Geller: I didn't.\nChandler Bing: Oh really?\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Oh really!?\nRoss Geller: NO!\nChandler Bing: ADRIENNE TURNER!!\nAdrienne: Yes?\nRoss Geller: I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.\nChandler Bing: Oh please, and you knew how much I liked her.\nRoss Geller: I don't know what... you're talking about.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nChandler Bing: Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe we are at a real college party! I have to pee so bad!\nRachel Green: This is so awesome! College guys are so cute!\nMonica Geller: Hey, you've got a boyfriend!\nRachel Green: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm sooo gonna let them!\nMonica Geller: Look, there's Chandler. You knew, that stupid friend of Ross'. Said I'm fat. You know I've already lost 4 pounds!\nRachel Green: It... You can so totally tell.\nMonica Geller: I KNOW!\nRachel Green: Well lets see. Maybe he knows where Ross is. Hey, how's it going .\nChandler Bing: Aren't you...?\nRachel Green: Yeah, Rachel. And this is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. .\nChandler Bing: Right. So how're you doing?\nRachel Green: Bitchin'\nChandler Bing: Hi Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you NOT.\nChandler Bing: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God Rach. Bean bag chairs.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.\nRoss Geller: Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.\nAdrienne: Oh believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.\nRoss Geller: Cool!\nRoss Geller: I didn't know you knew about that.\nChandler Bing: Well, I did and it hurt. That's when I wrote the song: \"Betrayal In The Common Room\".\nRoss Geller: Man... I... I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Look it was a lo-o-ong time ago.\nRoss Geller: So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess we're even.\nChandler Bing: Hmm mmmhm..\nRoss Geller: We are even, right?\nChandler Bing: Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?\nRoss Geller: What did you do to my mom?\nChandler Bing: Not her!\nRachel Green: I am sooo drunk.\nMonica Geller: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all.\nChandler Bing: Soo... you girls having fun?\nMonica Geller: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing.\nPizza Guy: SOMEBODY ORDER A PIZZA?\nMonica Geller: Oh THATS ME!\nRachel Green: I am soo not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.\nRachel Green: Oh, what a line.\nChandler Bing: So where are you applying to?\nRachel Green: Oh well, You know, I think it's kinda really important that I go somewhere where there's sun, so I'm sort of... Hey!\nChandler Bing: I'm in college and I'm in a band.\nRachel Green: Yeah okay.\nRoy: What's the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.\nRoy: No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean, this has been my life for thirty two years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.\nRachel Green: No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?\nRoy: I don't know... I can make my pecs dance... I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks... I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.\nRachel Green: So maybe something in an office.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.\nRoy: You know, actually that's not a bad idea. I can do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.\nPhoebe Buffay: There you go. Okay, do you think you're gonna be okay?\nRoy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Finish it!\nRoy: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Your last dance. Do it for us.\nRoy: Really?\nRachel Green: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.\nRoy: Okay, all right... Get ready ladies!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh this is so ho-o-ot!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, no, no, don't stop!\nRoy: Have to...\nDonny Osmond: Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nGene: Sure.\nDonny Osmond: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO!\nGene: Oak, maple, elm, birch...\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I-I don't know. Types of trees?\nGene: Uhm... Buenos dias, enchilada, por favor...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.\nGene: A match, a candle...\nJoey Tribbiani: Things that go \"tssst\" when you put them out.\nGene: A torch, a bonfire... uhm, your pee...\nJoey Tribbiani: Things that burn.\nGene: \"I'd like to go for a walk\", uhm \"scratch my belly\".\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, dude! I think you're losing it.\nGene: Uhm, \"I have fur\", \"I like to bark\".\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, oh... What a dog says.\nGene: Pepperoni...\nJoey Tribbiani: Pizza toppings, next!\nGene: Cindy Crawford, Christie Brinkley, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, oh...\nGene: Christie Turlington, Kate Moss...\nJoey Tribbiani: Girls Chandler could never get?\nGene: Supermodels!\nJoey Tribbiani: Where?\nRoss Geller: Hey, where's Rachel?\nMonica Geller: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.\nRoss Geller: Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?\nMonica Geller: What? When was this?\nRoss Geller: Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weekend you guys visited me at school.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! That's wild!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.\nRoss Geller: Well, it matters to me.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRoss Geller: Because... the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.\nChandler Bing: You kissed her that night too?\nMonica Geller: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.\nChandler Bing: Seriously, where did this happen?\nRoss Geller: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.\nChandler Bing: Oh wait... What bed did you say she was on?\nRoss Geller: Mine.\nChandler Bing: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.\nRoss Geller: No, she was definitely on my bed.\nChandler Bing: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?\nRoss Geller: Well, then who was on my bed?\nMonica Geller: OH! Oh, oh!\nRoss Geller: NO! No, no!\nMonica Geller: YES!\nRoss Geller: You were under the pile of coats?\nMonica Geller: I was the pile of coats!\nRoss Geller: OH MY GOD!\nMonica Geller: You were my Midnight Mystery Kisser?\nRoss Geller: You were my first kiss with Rachel?\nMonica Geller: You were my first kiss ever?\nChandler Bing: What did I marry into?\nMonica Geller: Oh, crap!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.\nJoey Tribbiani: So he can't come?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...\nJoey Tribbiani: I am pretty wisdomous.\nPhoebe Buffay: So... what do you say?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, I hope... that you know... I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!\nMonica Geller: Well, it matters to me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I don't care, so you pick!\nMonica Geller: Did you just hung up on me? All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.\nMonica Geller: You don't know military time?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.\nMonica Geller: Just subtract twelve.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...\nMonica Geller: Six o'clock!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nMonica Geller: Ok. Hold on. Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.\nMonica Geller: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.\nPhoebe Buffay: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.\nMonica Geller: Ooh... she backed out.\nPhoebe Buffay: She did? Why?\nMonica Geller: I made her. Steel drums don't really say \"elegant wedding\". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?\nChandler Bing: No stupid jokes. I thought that was for the actual wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rehearse it!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nMike Hannigan: Thanks for coming you guys.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.\nMike Hannigan: Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?\nRoss Geller: That is why!\nMike Hannigan: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: So Rach.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where is Emma?\nRachel Green: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.\nMonica Geller: Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?\nMike's Mother: Yes, we are.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, our little ones are growing up fast, uh?\nMike's Father: How's that?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.\nMike's Father: Who in God's name are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!\nChandler Bing: You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to be their bridesmaid?\nRachel Green: Uh... November?\nRoss Geller: I wanna say it's not looking good.\nRachel Green: Hey Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: What's up?\nRachel Green: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.\nChandler Bing: Heh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Well, this is really awkward Oh, and I can leave!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.\nRoss Geller: Oh, man!\nChandler Bing: This is like figure skating team all over again. I mean synchronized swimming. I mean- I mean the balance beam. Help me!\nRoss Geller: FOOTBALL!\nChandler Bing: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't have a fax machine.\nMonica Geller: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.\nChandler Bing: I know, I hate being left out of things.\nRoss Geller: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...\nMike Hannigan: Hey guys, how is it going?\nChandler Bing: Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.\nChandler Bing: What happened?\nRoss Geller: Who cares, AND?\nMike Hannigan: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys...\nRoss Geller: I'll do it!\nChandler Bing: M-Me-me-me!\nMike Hannigan: You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room for one.\nChandler Bing: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.\nRoss Geller: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! Huh?\nMike Hannigan: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose.\nRoss Geller: Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!\nRoss Geller: Please, you're going down!\nChandler Bing: You are going downer!\nRoss Geller: Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team?\nChandler Bing: I wouldn't know, I didn't make it!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, my pleasure. So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?\nMike Hannigan: I intend to marry her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, a wiseacre. . No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?\nMike Hannigan: No more so than acting.\nJoey Tribbiani: Strike two!\nMike Hannigan: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?\nJoey Tribbiani: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!\nRoss Geller: So, what did you decide?\nPhoebe Buffay: I decided to pee.\nChandler Bing: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!\nChandler Bing: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's . Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.\nRachel Green: Goody, what is it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.\nRachel Green: What, what, what, no, I don't wanna do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.\nRoss Geller: I'll do it!\nMonica Geller: Ok, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toast.\nMike Hannigan: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?\nMonica Geller: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! . Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!\nMike Hannigan: Is that what you say to Chandler?\nMonica Geller: It's 2101 and I am not amused. . Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. . My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...\nMonica Geller: oh God.\nPhoebe Buffay: And... moment's over! So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I . Ok, ok, I, ok, I... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS OR THIS OR THIS OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! You know what? You're done.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: YOU'RE FIRED! Cheers!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Happy wedding day!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!\nRachel Green: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages!\nMonica Geller: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.\nMonica Geller: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, this is a lot!\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: You won awards?\nMonica Geller: Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Where's Rach?\nMonica Geller: She's in her room, why?\nRoss Geller: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! . Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!\nRachel Green: What d'you want?\nRoss Geller: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you?\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, c'mon, please! Don't make this harder than it already is!\nRoss Geller: I'm not! I'm making it easier! Pick me!\nRachel Green: Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him too!\nRoss Geller: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!\nRachel Green: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!\nRoss Geller: YES, YES!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?\nMonica Geller: I know. .\nMike Hannigan: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word \"lorkins\" what flowers would that be?\nMike Hannigan: Orchids?\nPhoebe Buffay: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello Michael.\nMike Hannigan: Joseph.\nJoey Tribbiani: May I have a word with you, please?\nMike Hannigan: This is... great...\nJoey Tribbiani: Have a seat. Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... I cannot allow this.\nMike Hannigan: Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for \"Family Honor 2: Thissa Time Itsa Personal.\"\nMike Hannigan: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?\nJoey Tribbiani: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.\nMike Hannigan: Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.\nMike Hannigan: That must have been one lousy movie.\nJoey Tribbiani: That was ME!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!\nRachel Green: Even so, I think I'm gonna pick Ross.\nChandler Bing: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.\nRachel Green: All right fine, I pick you.\nChandler Bing: Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make \"groom\" for Chandler.\nRachel Green: Oh my...\nPhoebe Buffay: No! We're gonna do it my way. Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm glad we had this little talk.\nMike Hannigan: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nMike Hannigan: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, what's it doing here?\nMonica Geller: Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. Uh! What a pickle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?\nJoey Tribbiani: How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that?\nChandler Bing: How's it going?\nRoss Geller: Good. I'm just getting some coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding.\nChandler Bing: That's what I was doing too.\nRoss Geller: Well, you have fun tonight.\nChandler Bing: You too.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I will.\nChandler Bing: Me too.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why are you?\nChandler Bing: I'm not supposed to tell you.\nRoss Geller: I'm not supposed to tell you!\nChandler Bing: You told us both we could be in the wedding?\nRachel Green: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.\nRoss Geller: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again.\nChandler Bing: Rach, Rach, knock knock.\nRachel Green: Who's there?\nChandler Bing: I'll tell you at the wedding.\nRachel Green: Uh.\nMike Hannigan: Hey, I forgot my scarf.\nRachel Green: You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.\nMike Hannigan: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.\nRoss Geller: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.\nRachel Green: Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?\nMonica Geller: How's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Help me.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Please?\nMonica Geller: You really want me to come back?\nPhoebe Buffay: More than I wanna get married.\nMonica Geller: Ok people, we are back in business! Oh God, we've missed you soo much! Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what are you guys gonna do?\nPhoebe Buffay: About what?\nJoey Tribbiani: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels.\nMonica Geller: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't think they are.\nRoss Geller: Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. So sorry Pheebs.\nMonica Geller: Well, the club lost it's power.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah according to the news, most of the city did.\nRachel Green: Since when do you watch the news?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nRachel Green: Wow, you know, it's so beautiful out there. You always wanted to get married outside. Why don't you guys just do it on the street?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you think?\nMike Hannigan: I think I wanna get married to you today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too! Monica, do you think we could do it?\nMonica Geller: AFFIRMATIVE!\nMonica Geller: OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. Okay, who left the ice sculpture ON THE STEAM GRATE?\nMike's Mom: Michael!\nMike Hannigan: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! Hi! Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...\nMike's Mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.\nMike's Dad: I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... Come on, sweetheart.\nMike Hannigan: You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.\nChandler Bing: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?\nMike Hannigan: I guess.\nRoss Geller: No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared of dogs?\nChandler Bing: I'm not scared. I'll just take little Chappy and... HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.\nRoss Geller: Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... He stinks!\nMonica Geller: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.\nMike Hannigan: Oh, no!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...\nRoss Geller: Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free.\nJoey Tribbiani: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but... yeah we do.\nMonica Geller: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.\nChandler Bing: I'll do it.\nRoss Geller: I'll...\nChandler Bing: Na ha ha... Ne he he... Ah ah...\nMonica Geller: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Hi new dad.\nMonica Geller: So, you're ready to do this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you.\nMonica Geller: I love you. Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you guys.\nMonica Geller: Okay. It's zero hour. All teams execute on my count. Let's get this bad boy on the road.\nChandler Bing: Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?\nMonica Geller: I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah!\nMonica Geller: Okay Marjorie, hit it.\nRachel Green: Geez Ross, you could have showered.\nRoss Geller: It's the dog.\nMonica Geller: Groomsman, groomsman, why are you just standing there, where is your bridesmaid? We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! Oh, that's me.\nChandler Bing: Ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.\nChandler Bing: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't care... I'll be my something blue.\nChandler Bing: You look beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nMike Hannigan: My God! Aren't you freezing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Na-ah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay...\nPhoebe Buffay: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family.\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.\nMike Hannigan: I love you too.\nRoss Geller: Uh Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?\nPhoebe Buffay: I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?\nMike Hannigan: I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: I now pronounce you... husband and wife.\nPhoebe Buffay: I got married! Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.\nChandler Bing: That really was an incredible wedding.\nJoey Tribbiani: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?\nChandler Bing: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.\nRoss Geller: Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE! I did not sign on for this."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hi.\nEveryone: Hey! Hi!\nRachel Green: How was the honeymoon? Phoebe; Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was sooo ro-man-tic!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nChandler Bing: So, where's Mike?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, why? What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my resume, I'm fluent in.\nRoss Geller: Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you really shouldn't. By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?\nRoss Geller: It was ok...\nRachel Green: I did not know you spoke French.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oui, bien sur je parle Francais! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?\nRachel Green: Oh... you're so sexy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.\nRachel Green: Seriously stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Why are you wearing my apron?\nMonica Geller: I'm making cookies for Erica. And oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour.\nChandler Bing: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as \"my wife\" and \"the woman who's carrying my child\"? No? Divorce?\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: You guys know where Rachel is?\nMonica Geller: No, we haven't seen her since this morning.\nRoss Geller: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: These are for Erica!\nRoss Geller: What? She's gonna eat all those cookies?\nMonica Geller: Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat!\nRoss Geller: So, why is Erica coming to visit?\nMonica Geller: Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...\nChandler Bing: Oh, those places! There's always so many people, their being corralled like cattle, and... you know, there's always some idiot who goes \"Mooooo\"!\nMonica Geller: Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?\nRoss Geller: Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!\nRachel Green: Ross...\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?\nRachel Green: My father had an heart attack... ...while I was at Barney's.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Honey.\nChandler Bing: I'm so sorry...\nRoss Geller: Is-is he ok?\nRachel Green: Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now.\nRachel Green: No, come on, I'm totally ok. I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.\nRoss Geller: Still-still, let me come... for me.\nRachel Green: Ok. If you really need to.\nRoss Geller: I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.\nRachel Green: Oh, I really could.\nRoss Geller: Oh!\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is \"My name is Claude\", so, just repeat after me. \"Je m'appelle Claude\".\nJoey Tribbiani: Je de coup Clow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, just... let's try it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: Je m'appelle Claude.\nJoey Tribbiani: Je depli mblue.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: It does, really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, let just try it again. Really listen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Je m'appelle Claude.\nJoey Tribbiani: Je te flouppe Fli.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, mon Dieu!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, de fuff!\nMonica Geller: Hey you guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nMonica Geller: Joey. Erica, baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Everyone. Erica, baby!\nChandler Bing: Monica. Calm, self.\nErica: Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Welcome to New York City! Or should I say \"ghe deu flooff New York City\"?\nChandler Bing: Why would you say that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. What are you gonna be doing today?\nErica: I wanna see everything! Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty.\nErica: Oh yeah, let's do that!\nChandler Bing: Great! This baby'd better to be really good.\nRachel Green: Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.\nRoss Geller: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.\nRachel Green: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.\nRachel Green: Can somebody please go in?\nNurse: Absolutely.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.\nRachel Green: Ross, please, don't be so scared of him!\nRoss Geller: I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick!\nNurse: He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.\nRoss Geller: I'm feeling better.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?\nNurse: Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.\nRachel Green: Oh, great, Are you gonna be ok?\nRoss Geller: He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!\nRachel Green: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Did the TV wake you?\nLeonard Green: No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter.\nRoss Geller: Ouchy.\nLeonard Green: What are you doing here, Geller?\nRoss Geller: Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! So what's new?\nLeonard Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack.\nRoss Geller: Right, is it painful?\nLeonard Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you? Ross Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.\nLeonard Green: So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?\nRoss Geller: Nope, just the one. RACH!\nPhoebe Buffay: Je m'appelle Claude.\nJoey Tribbiani: Je do call blue!\nPhoebe Buffay: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. \"je\".\nJoey Tribbiani: je.\nPhoebe Buffay: m'ap.\nJoey Tribbiani: mah.\nPhoebe Buffay: pelle.\nJoey Tribbiani: pel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great, ok faster! \"je\"\nJoey Tribbiani: je.\nPhoebe Buffay: m'ap.\nJoey Tribbiani: mah.\nPhoebe Buffay: pelle.\nJoey Tribbiani: pel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Je m'appelle!\nJoey Tribbiani: Me pooh pooh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! . Pooh.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.\nRachel Green: Uh. Did you call your parents?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.\nRachel Green: Oh good.\nRoss Geller: Wow.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.\nRachel Green: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.\nRachel Green: Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.\nRoss Geller: Sorry. . You ok?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You had a rough day, uh?\nRachel Green: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!\nRoss Geller: But we do! It's gonna be ok, Rach!\nRachel Green: Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!\nRoss Geller: What? No, no! Hey, hey, hey look...\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?\nRachel Green: Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?\nRoss Geller: No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.\nRachel Green: Ok, maybe you're right.\nRoss Geller: Good night.\nRachel Green: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?\nRoss Geller: Sure!\nRachel Green: Ok. Thank you for coming with me today.\nRoss Geller: Oh, of course...\nRachel Green: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!\nRoss Geller: Me too. Come here.\nRachel Green: I just don't want to be alone tonight.\nRoss Geller: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or... Oh, oh. . No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.\nRachel Green: Wait, we won't know that until we do it, will we?\nRoss Geller: No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.\nRachel Green: Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!\nRachel Green: Wow. Ok.\nRoss Geller: I'll see you in the morning .\nRachel Green: Mhm-mh!\nRoss Geller: Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!\nErica: Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.\nChandler Bing: New York is awesome!\nMonica Geller: What is with you?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you miss alot, when you're moo-ing.\nErica: Thanks so much for showing me around.\nMonica Geller: Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.\nErica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know...\nChandler Bing: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?\nErica: Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college.\nChandler Bing: That's great.\nErica: Yeah... it's almost definitely him.\nMonica Geller: How's that now?\nErica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.\nChandler Bing: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?\nErica: No, he's in prison.\nMonica Geller: Was he falsely accused of something?\nErica: No... he killed his father with a shovel. But other than that, he's a great guy.\nChandler Bing: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.\nMonica Geller: Are you awake?\nChandler Bing: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake!\nMonica Geller: Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.\nChandler Bing: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.\nMonica Geller: Alright, lets say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently?\nChandler Bing: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.\nMonica Geller: How?\nChandler Bing: I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but maybe we're just over-reacting.\nChandler Bing: Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says \"mom\" on his shovel-wielding arm!\nTape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!\nTape: Good job.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really, can I hear some of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, sure. Ok, \"Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu\" See?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you're not, You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.\nPhoebe Buffay: How could you possibly think that?\nJoey Tribbiani: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?\nRachel Green: Sure.\nRoss Geller: You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?\nRachel Green: Hmm-hmm.\nRoss Geller: You sure you're alright?\nRachel Green: Yep.\nRoss Geller: O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast.\nRachel Green: FYI..\nRoss Geller: There it is...\nRachel Green: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it.\nRoss Geller: Wait, wait, You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.\nRachel Green: Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!\nRoss Geller: Well...\nRachel Green: Oh stop that!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so hot. She walks around him to the other side)\nRoss Geller: Hey, I was looking out for you.\nRachel Green: Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.\nRoss Geller: I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.\nRachel Green: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either.\nRoss Geller: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: That's right, sex is off the table. I am never having sex with you again. Dr. Green, are you feeling better?\nChandler Bing: Hey! How was lunch?\nErica: We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob.\nChandler Bing: Oh, really?\nErica: No! You we're right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing.\nChandler Bing: O-okay. So, is she gonna take the test?\nMonica Geller: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.\nChandler Bing: Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?\nMonica Geller: No it's not.\nChandler Bing: How do you know?\nErica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.\nChandler Bing: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?\nMonica Geller: The thing we never do.\nChandler Bing: Shovely Joe!\nDirector: Whenever you're ready Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo.\nCasting Assistant: I'm sorry, what's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, come on! French it u-up!\nDirector: Joey, do you speak French?\nJoey Tribbiani: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!\nDirector: You know what. I think this audition is over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Regine Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estee Lauder.\nDirector: You really think this man is speaking French?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sa-sa-saw!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ecoutez, je vais vous dire la verite. C'est mon petit frere. Il est un peu retarde.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui...\nDirector: Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah. All right. But my French was good?\nDirector: It was great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!\nPhoebe Buffay: Merci. Au revoir.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.\nRoss Geller: Emma's down for the night.\nRachel Green: Oh, good.\nRoss Geller: So uh... I guess I wanna take off.\nRachel Green: Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say \"thank you\" for coming with me.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no problem.\nRachel Green: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.\nRoss Geller: Thank you. I'm glad you agree.\nRachel Green: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.\nRoss Geller: Yeah... Yeah, that's true.\nRachel Green: Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...?\nRoss Geller: Oh, ye-ah!\nRachel Green: You know it was you're uhm... birthday...\nRoss Geller: ...Valentine's day...\nBoth: Oh yeah!\nRachel Green: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.\nRoss Geller: Hmmm-mmmm.\nRachel Green: Not even one more time?\nRoss Geller: Not even once.\nRachel Green: No matter how much we want it.\nRoss Geller: Even if we want it really bad.\nRachel Green: That's what we decided.\nRoss Geller: Uhm, right!\nRachel Green: ...It's kinda hard though!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.\nRoss Geller: ...I hate waste.\nRachel Green: ...Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yes?\nRachel Green: Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table.\nRoss Geller: Damn it. It's never off the table.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, can you really tapdance?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's off the resume.\nPhoebe Buffay: Archery?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Horseback riding?\nJoey Tribbiani: Would fall off a lot.\nPhoebe Buffay: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?\nJoey Tribbiani: That I can do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, watch me! Okay, you time me. Ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ready... GO!\nPhoebe Buffay: You did it!"}
{"text": "Mike Hannigan: Thank you guys for having us over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Yeah, this is fun, couples night.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I don't know why we hang out with married couples more often.\nMonica Geller: Well, because every time we do, you make jokes about swinging and scare them away.\nChandler Bing: You mean that Portuguese couple? Yeah, like you wouldn't have done it.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys... I have great news.\nMonica Geller: Ross, we're kind of in the middle of diner here.\nRoss Geller: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! Guess what happened at work today...\nChandler Bing: A dinosaur died a million years ago?\nRoss Geller: Try sixty-five million years ago, and then try sssshhhhhh... My tenure review board met today and I hear it's looking really good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Do you have any idea what this means in academic circles, uh? I am gonna get laid.\nRachel Green: Hi you guys.\nEveryone: Hey.\nRachel Green: Ooh, Italian!\nMonica Geller: No one wanted seconds, right?\nRoss Geller: No, no. I-I'm good.\nRachel Green: Hey you guys... You're never gonna believe it. This headhunter called me. I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci. Gucci wants me.\nRoss Geller: I'm up for tenure.\nRachel Green: Congratulations!\nRoss Geller: You too! What are the odds?\nRachel Green: Ooh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Guess what? I finally got that seed out of my teeth.\nMonica Geller: I don't know who I'm happiest for...\nPhoebe Buffay: I do, he's been working on that all day!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Mon? Was it weird changing your name to Geller-Bing?\nMonica Geller: No, no. It felt nice to acknowledge this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where did you go to do it?\nMonica Geller: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...\nChandler Bing: YOU NEVER DID IT!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of being an official Bing.\nChandler Bing: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.\nMike Hannigan: Here you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks! Honey, would you want me to take your name?\nMike Hannigan: Oh, it's just... It's up to you. It's your name. You've got to live with it.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, let's see, call me mrs Hannigan.\nChandler Bing: Mrs Hannigan?\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, thank you.\nMonica Geller: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.\nJoey Tribbiani: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.\nMonica Geller: Joey, please come. It would mean so much to us.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what? You are my friends, I wanna be supportive, I will come with you. SHOTGUN!\nChandler Bing: Damn it.\nMonica Geller: See you guys later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nMonica Geller: I'll pick you up at eleven. So glad you're coming.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good for you. That was really mature.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.\nMike Hannigan: You're a strange kind of grown-up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...\nMike Hannigan: Woo-wo-hey-hey-hey... Can we not talk about that right now?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, prude... Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. You are not gonna talk them into staying here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that \"thing\". What is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I AM NOT GONNA HELP YOU DO THAT! Goodbye!\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm here to see mr Campbell... with Gucci. The reservation is probably under Gucci. It's spelled like Gukki, which could be confusing.\nMaitre D': Mr Campbell's not here yet. Let me show you to his table.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! That's my boss. You have to seat us somewhere else.\nMaitre D': I'm sorry. That's always mr Campbell's table.\nRachel Green: But my... but my boss cannot see me. I'm interviewing for another job.\nMaitre D': I know. With Gukki.\nRachel Green: Sssshhhh!\nMr. Zelner: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Hi... I'm on a date...\nMr. Zelner: That's great!\nRachel Green: Yeah, it is. Yeah, you know, it's tough. Single mom, career... You gotta get out there.\nMr. Zelner: Well, you got uhm... good energy.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMr. Campbell: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yes, hi!\nMr. Campbell: James Campbell...\nRachel Green: Hi! Excuse us.\nMr. Campbell: Please...\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh, yeah... Oh he's cute!\nMr. Campbell: So... your resume is quite impressive.\nRachel Green: Wha... My resume? I wouldn't... I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resume.\nMr. Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resume.\nRachel Green: Whatever happened to just singing for no reason? Huh?\nMr. Campbell: Maybe people... found it weird... So, why do you want to leave Ralph Lauren?\nRachel Green: What? I-I don't.\nMr. Campbell: You don't?\nRachel Green: No, I-I-I love it there.\nMr. Campbell: Well, if you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch?\nMr. Campbell: What?\nMr. Campbell: That's Hugo Boss?\nPhoebe Buffay: This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. But you obviously haven't.\nClerk: How can I help you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. You're fun.\nClerk: You need to fill out this form.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well, I just don't, I don't know how it works exactly. See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan, so is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?\nClerk: It can be anything you want.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, not anything, I mean...\nClerk: Yeah... anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this could take a while.\nClerk: Get out of my line.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry, mrs Hannigan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wrong again! Apparently you can change it to anything you want. So I thought, all right, here's an opportunity to be creative. So meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.\nChandler Bing: That's what we were gonna name the baby.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh! Princess Consuela.\nMonica Geller: You seriously changed your name to that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nMonica Geller: Okay, so from now on we have to call you Princess Consuela?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm, no. I'm gonna have my friends call me Valerie.\nChandler Bing: Hey, how'd the interview go?\nRachel Green: Oh! It's not good.\nChandler Bing: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.\nRachel Green: Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.\nChandler Bing: That is a bad interview.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you, what are you talking about? How did this happen?\nRachel Green: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said \"Wait a minute! Yes I am.\" and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.\nMonica Geller: Oh God. I'm so sorry.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross...\nRoss Geller: I guess it's here because I GOT TENURE!\nEveryone: Congratulations!\nRoss Geller: This is the single greatest day of my professional career. Gunther, six glasses!\nGunther: Six? You want me to join you?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: Ooh! Israeli champagne. And it's vanilla!\nRoss Geller: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?\nRachel Green: Oh it... good! Yeah, but I'm not gonna hear from that for a couple of days.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you know what? You're gonna get it. I-I-I-I can feel it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you?\nRachel Green: Ah, all right. Here's to Ross!\nRoss Geller: And-and to years of hard work finally paying off.\nPhoebe Buffay: And to knowing that your career doesn't mean everything.\nRoss Geller: But also knowing it means a lot.\nMonica Geller: But more importantly to full well-rounded lives.\nRoss Geller: ...that center around work.\nChandler Bing: To Ross!\nEveryone: Ross!\nRoss Geller: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: No seriously. I have job security for life. You know, I never have to worry. Oh, look at you. Look how happy you are for me.\nRachel Green: No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I'm so sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Great. I feel like an idiot.\nRachel Green: No, it's okay, you didn't know.\nRoss Geller: Oh... Little heads-up would have been nice.\nMonica Geller: Thank you for letting us see the house again.\nChandler Bing: And thank you for explaining to us what escrow means... I've already forgotten what you said, but thank you.\nRealtor: Take as long as you want. Just let me know when you're through.\nMonica Geller: Ah, so glad you decided to come.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too. Yeah, this place is great. I'm so happy for you guys. Although, you know, I hope you like fungus.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fungus! Yeah. Place is full of it.\nMonica Geller: No it's not. We had an inspection and they didn't find anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Then I guess I have dry eyes and a scratchy throat for no reason.\nMonica Geller: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark.\nMonica Geller: No it's not!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!\nChandler Bing: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe. Well, I just think you guys can do better than this house, you know? Or any other house for that matter.\nMonica Geller: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.\nJoey Tribbiani: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...\nMonica Geller: Joey, we know that's you.\nJoey Tribbiani: no... hmmmmm... it's not... hmmmmmmmmmm.\nMike Hannigan: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Welcome back!\nMike Hannigan: Ah! I missed you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, me too!\nMike Hannigan: So, what's new?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.\nMike Hannigan: That's great! You changed you name?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes I did! Meet: Princess Consuela Banana Hammock!\nMike Hannigan: You're kidding right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope.\nMike Hannigan: You really did that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, but you can't do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.\nMike Hannigan: Alright, then I'm gonna change my name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great, okay, what are you gonna change it to?\nMike Hannigan: Crap Bag.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike Crap Bag?\nMike Hannigan: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not serious, right?\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, I'm serious. It's fun, it's different and no-one else has a name like that!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhu, uhu, well, then, great. If you love it, I love it.\nMike Hannigan: I do love it, and I love your name. I love Princess Consuela.\nPhoebe Buffay: And I love Crap.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ow!\nGirl: Who are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hi, I'm Joey. My stupid friends are buying this house. Who are you?\nGirl: I'm Mackenzie. My stupid parents are selling this house.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nMackenzie: I hate my parents.\nJoey Tribbiani: I hate my friends. Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.\nMackenzie: Like what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!\nMackenzie: What are you? Eight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah, uh! Okay, let's hear your great idea.\nMackenzie: I don't have any great ideas. I am eight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?\nMackenzie: I really don't.\nJoey Tribbiani: What am I gonna do, I feel like I'm losing my friends.\nMackenzie: My parents say I'm gonna make new friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, sure, easy for you, you're young. Me, I'm set in my ways.\nMackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about. Whiners are wieners. Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, I guess.\nMackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, maybe.\nMackenzie: Then you gotta let them go.\nJoey Tribbiani: I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. How did you get to be so smart?\nMackenzie: I read a lot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just when I thought we could be friends.\nMan: Hey Rach, I just heard. I'm so sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you...\nMan: You still don't know my name, do you?\nRachel Green: Well, now I don't have to.\nRachel Green: Ross, what is taking you so long?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, it's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway!\nMark Robinson: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Mark? Oh my God!\nMark Robinson: How've you been?\nRachel Green: I'm fantastic. You remember Ross?\nMark Robinson: Sure, sure. What's with the chair.\nRoss Geller: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so...\nMark Robinson: Clever. So how are you?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, you're not catching me on my best day.\nMark Robinson: Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.\nRachel Green: No, but it's good, you know, I'm gonna take some time off and do some charity work.\nMark Robinson: Are you sure, because we may have something at Louis Vuitton.\nRachel Green: Well, screw charity work. What've you got?\nMark Robinson: Why don't we have dinner tonight and talk about it?\nRachel Green: Great! I'll call ya!\nMark Robinson: Nice to see you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah! yeah, I got tenure!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: See? I told you something good would come along. And he seemed really nice. I've met him before?\nRachel Green: Ross! That's Mark. From Bloomingdales? You were insanely jealous of him.\nRoss Geller: That is Mark?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nRoss Geller: I hate that guy.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: No, no, NO, you cannot go to dinner with him.\nRachel Green: What? You don't want me to get a job?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, I'm sure he's gonna give you a job. Maybe make you his SEXretary.\nRachel Green: Ugh.\nRoss Geller: I'm serious. I just don't trust that guy, okay?\nRachel Green: Ross, you know what? Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I love this street. The trees, the big front yards, the actual picket fences.\nChandler Bing: Man, those two dogs are going at it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey, where have you been?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, just er... you know, looking around. But you know what? This house... is great.\nChandler Bing: Really? What changed your mind?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.\nChandler Bing: Joey, there was a little girl who lived here, but she died like 30 years ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Ha! I'm just messing with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not funny! You know I'm afraid of little girl ghosts!\nMonica Geller: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? I get my own room?\nChandler Bing: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! Oh! Hey, can I have an aquarium? And a sex swing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.\nMike Hannigan: After you, miss Banana Hammock.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you, mister Bag.\nWoman: Oh hey, how are you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hi Rita! Good! Oh, Rita's a massage client.\nMike Hannigan: Oh! Why don't you introduce me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Er, Rita, this is my husband.\nRita: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMike Hannigan: Why don't you tell her my name?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I will. This is my husband Crap Bag.\nRita: Crap Bag?\nMike Hannigan: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.\nRita: Okay. Excuse me...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... Ogh... Okay, fine. You made your point. Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?\nMike Hannigan: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.\nPhoebe Buffay: How about uhm... How about Buffay-Hannigan?\nMike Hannigan: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I'm Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan Banana Hammock.\nMike Hannigan: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a funny word.\nMike Hannigan: It's a Speedo.\nPhoebe Buffay: ...Oh crap!\nRoss Geller: Hey, is Rachel here?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: She's still at dinner?\nMonica Geller: I guess. Why? Who's she with?\nRoss Geller: That guy Mark. From Bloomingdale's... She thinks he's just being nice to her. But I know he really wants to sleep with her.\nChandler Bing: It's seven years ago. My time machine works!\nRoss Geller: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.\nMonica Geller: So what if he wants to sleep with her? I mean, she's single and he's cute.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me?\nMonica Geller: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.\nChandler Bing: For your information, I was staring at her baby. We're about to be parents.\nMonica Geller: Oh, sorry!\nRachel Green: Hi you guys!\nRoss Geller: Hey, so uhm... How was dinner?\nRachel Green: Oh, it was great. Mark is so sweet.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? Yeah? I wonder why? What could that smarmy letch possibly want?\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, come on. He's happily married. His wife just had twins.\nRoss Geller: Should we send something?\nChandler Bing: How did the job stuff go?\nRachel Green: He offered me one.\nChandler Bing: That's great!\nRoss Geller: Congratulations!\nRachel Green: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...\nRoss Geller: Can we, can we just stop for a second? Who said something better would come along, huh? You didn't believe me. I told you everything was gonna work out. You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.\nRachel Green: The job is in Paris.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?\nMackenzie: I don't know... You know what? I'm gonna put you on with my bear. Hold on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey bear, I need some career advice."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: How did the job stuff go?\nRachel Green: He offered me one.\nRoss Geller: You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.\nRachel Green: The job is in Paris. FADE OUT.\nRachel Green: Oh, God! Please, somebody say something.\nRoss Geller: So if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris?\nChandler Bing: Or facing a bitch of a commute.\nRachel Green: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: I mean, I'll fly back and forth, they'll fly you out... Anything we want.\nChandler Bing: My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle.\nRoss Geller: All right, we'll work it out.\nRachel Green: Thank you! Thank you!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah! You sure this is what you want?\nRachel Green: I think it is.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, what's going on?\nRachel Green: I got a really incredible job offer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, great! All right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good for you!\nRachel Green: It's in Paris.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married Congratulations! ... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...\nMonica Geller: Hey, this afternoon you said you'd be supportive...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it comes and goes. I wouldn't trust it.\nRachel Green: Look, you guys... this is really, really important to me. And it means a lot if you could try to get on board.\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course we can. Congratulations. Yay! Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no. My hugs are reserved for people STAYING IN AMERICA.\nRachel Green: Joey, it would mean so...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! No! Get your France-going-arms away from me.\nRachel Green: Joey...\nPhoebe Buffay: You okay with this?\nChandler Bing: Well, it makes me feel sad, but...\nPhoebe Buffay: Talking to Ross.\nChandler Bing: I see.\nRoss Geller: Well, Rachel moving to another country? Not being able to see her every day. How can I be okay with this?\nMonica Geller: I know, but what are we gonna do? She really needs this job.\nRoss Geller: Do you think if the Ralph Lauren people offered her her old job back, she would take it?\nMonica Geller: How is that gonna happen?\nChandler Bing: Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. I could talk to her boss. Yeah! I met him at that Christmas party. We really hit it off.\nMonica Geller: You mean the guy who kept calling you Ron?\nRoss Geller: I didn't say we were brothers.\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe. Hey, tell me what you think. All right. The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester? Just went on the market. I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.\nChandler Bing: We close escrow tomorrow, so seeing another house can only confuse us, and we're easily confused. We're not very bright.\nMonica Geller: But what if it is better than ours? Should we at least look?\nChandler Bing: What do you think Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins... Anyway... Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: She died.\nChandler Bing: You're kidding!\nMonica Geller: That's terrible!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, she was just an agent.\nMonica Geller: Joey's gonna be *so* upset.\nChandler Bing: I know. *He* always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we cannot tell Joey about this. He's already flipping out about everything that's changing. This will push him over the edge.\nMonica Geller: Seriously, you don't think we should tell him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, not for a little while. Let's just give him a few days to get used to everything else.\nMonica Geller: What if he reads it in the paper?\nChandler Bing: Unless Snoopy says it to Charlie Brown, I think we're okay.\nMr. Zelner: May I help you?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm a friend of Rachel Green's. Uhm, actually we met at the Christmas party about two years ago.\nMr. Zelner: Oh right, uhm, Don?\nRoss Geller: Close. Ron.\nMr. Zelner: Uh... What can I do for you?\nRoss Geller: Uhm, well... I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.\nMr. Zelner: Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no. At first I have to get you to agree. Then we'll see if she wants to come back.\nMr. Zelner: Wow, that is tempting.\nRoss Geller: Look, she loved her job here. And let's face it: you're not gonna find anyone who did it as well as she did it. Isn't that true?\nMr. Zelner: She is good!\nRoss Geller: Huh, I took a shot there.\nMr. Zelner: But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do... Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.\nRoss Geller: I see... Thanks very much. Is this your son?\nMr. Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. What?\nRoss Geller: Oh, nothing, it's just, it's close to Ron. Does he.. Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?\nMr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?\nRoss Geller: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. . I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones... fossils!\nMr. Zelner: You can really arrange that?\nRoss Geller: You let Rachel come back, and it's done.\nMr. Zelner: Well, I guess having Rachel back wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.\nMr. Zelner: That's great. I worry about little Ross. He's always reading, he's collecting rocks and he's obsessed with dinosaurs.\nRoss Geller: He'll be fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Everything ok?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm just mad at my agent.\nPhoebe Buffay: Estelle? Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: There's a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn't even be put up for it! She'd better have a good reason.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm guessing she does.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I'm wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait. All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love that saying! .\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, it's Estelle.\nJoey Tribbiani: I was just gonna call you! That's weird.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a little coincidental, but believable. . Listen, I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't get you an audition for that TV movie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, actually I am!\nPhoebe Buffay: I guess I dropped the ball there. Whoopsie!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it? You know, it seems all you do lately is drop the ball.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't take that tone with me. Who you think you are? Alan Lemond, the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, look. All I'm saying is that you're my agent, ok? And you're not getting me into any auditions and I'm tired of it.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm saying that... . This isn't working for me anymore, ok? Estelle, you're fired. Goodbye. .\nPhoebe Buffay: Man, tough week for Estelle!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Emma left her stuffed t-rex at my house. You know she can't sleep without it.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, she's asleep now. Stop forcing that thing on her.\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're not gonna believe what happened to me today! Ralph Lauren called, and gave me my job back!\nRoss Geller: Nooo!\nRachel Green: Yee. I mean, it was so weirdest thing. They fired me and then out of nowhere they just hire me back! I mean, that place must have been falling apart without me.\nRoss Geller: So, you're not going to Paris.\nRachel Green: No, I'm still going.\nRoss Geller: Wh... wh...what?\nRachel Green: When the Louis Vuitton people found out that Ralph Lauren wanted me back, the offered me more money! Isn't that great?\nRoss Geller: Yeeeah!\nMonica Geller: Hi. We're buying the house next door, and we were wondering if we could just take a look around.\nLady: Oh, sure. I'm showing it to someone else right now, but please, look around.\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nChandler Bing: It feels like we're cheating on our house. And if we're gonna cheat, shouldn't it be with like a hot, younger house, that does stuff that our house won't do?\nMonica Geller: Ours is so much better! This living room is smaller, the dining room looks like a cave! What a hole!\nLady: So? What do you think?\nMonica Geller: Love it!\nLady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.\nMonica Geller: They could be our neighbors, what are they like?\nLady: Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God! .\nChandler Bing: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Joey, want come with me to... are you ok?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I just... I just feel bad about firing Estelle. This is got to be killing her.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, that wouldn't kill her. Ordinary embolism might.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. She's got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I'm guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she's not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I'm gonna call her and hire her again.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no! Don't call her! You wait for her to call you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because patience is the road to understanding which ... is the key... to a happy heart.\nJoey Tribbiani: You blow me away.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so promise you're gonna wait for her to call you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What a small world!\nChandler Bing: And yet I never run into Beyonce!\nRealtor: You two know each other?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him, Chandler used to be my little love muffin! . So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too? Ooh! Are we gonna have a bidding war? I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie.\nChandler Bing: Don't, don't!\nMonica Geller: No, actually, we're buying the house next door.\nChandler Bing: Why!?\nMonica Geller: I don't know why.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! Ellen, we're going to talk numbers.\nChandler Bing: This can not be happening!\nMonica Geller: Okay, the realtor said another couple made an offer. Maybe the Janice's won't get it! Maybe the other couple will.\nChandler Bing: The only way that that is going to happen, is if the other couple are the Hitlers.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Okay, All right. What if we got both houses? Huh? We can turn this house into a guest house.\nChandler Bing: That is a great idea! And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful, but when did you start crapping money!?\nMonica Geller: Okay, you come up with an idea.\nChandler Bing: Alright alright, we still have three hours till escrow closes on our house. We can still get out.\nMonica Geller: But we love our house.\nChandler Bing: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and \"Oh My God\"!\nMonica Geller: Okay, but if we don't get this house, she's stil gonna show up wherever we go! I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of suprise. I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body.\nChandler Bing: Well, we have to do something. We can't have her living next door. Oh, that does it too.\nMr. Zelner: Who is it?\nRoss Geller: It's me. Ron. Look, I um, I now Rachel turned you down but I think there is a way you might be able to get her to come back.\nMr. Zelner: This may surprise you, but re-hiring fired employees, is not my main job.\nRoss Geller: Just hear me out. How would you feel about offering her a raise?\nMr. Zelner: Not good, Ron.\nRoss Geller: Perhaps I can persuade you. What if you can give your son this genuine pterodactyl egg replica.\nMr. Zelner: Wow, that's pretty cool.\nRoss Geller: Huh? So? We have a deal?\nMr. Zelner: Okay, you got it.\nRoss Geller: Yes! yes!\nMr. Zelner: This is gonna make me very popular.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Believe me, the ladies, they love it!\nMr. Zelner: I meant with my son.\nRoss Geller: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much.\nAnswering Machine: Joey, this is Al T. Booker, the guy who eats paper. I'm sure you've heard that Estelle passed away. I wanted to let you know there's a memorial for her at the Westside chapel, tomorrow at ten. Hope you can make it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God. Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, it's Estelle.\nJoey Tribbiani: Estelle?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I wanted to call and tell you that there's no hard feelings for firing me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok-ay. I just, I can't believe you're calling me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I didn't think I should just drop by...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no! Don't drop by, don't drop by!\nPhoebe Buffay: Anyway, you did what you had to do. I'm okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I ask you something? Uhm, what's it like there?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's alright. Look kiddo, I gotta go. Good luck with the career. You're gonna be huge.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks for everything Estelle. Bye. \"out of area\". Boy, I'll say.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well... I just talked to Sid, we are definitely putting in an offer on the house... a-a-and I'll bet we get it.\nChandler Bing: The Hitlers will be so disappointed.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye. And... I'll see you later, neighbor.\nChandler Bing: Wait! I just want you to know that... I'm so happy you're going to be here.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, me too...\nChandler Bing: Because... that way... we can pick up where we left off.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Huh?\nChandler Bing: I never stopped loving you.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh... my...\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you... I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler, what are you talking about?\nChandler Bing: Now that you live next door, we can be together every day. Sid and Monica never have to know a thing.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I don't know what to say... I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.\nChandler Bing: Obviously.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: But I love my husband. And I know you love your wife. Now, I don't think we should get this house now.\nChandler Bing: Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.\nChandler Bing: I understand.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... Goodbye Chandler Bing.\nChandler Bing: They're never coming down now.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: You are never going to believe what happened to me today.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Ralph Lauren called again and they offered me more money.\nRoss Geller: They did?\nRachel Green: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.\nRoss Geller: So, what are you gonna do?\nRachel Green: Well, I took it.\nRoss Geller: That's great! So you're staying in New York!\nBoth: YAY! WHOO! YAY!\nRoss Geller: You're excited, right?\nRachel Green: Ye-ah. Yeah! You know, the money's great. It's certainly the easier choice...\nRoss Geller: Right!\nRachel Green: Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can...\nRoss Geller: Uhm, I hadn't no you... I had no idea you were so excited about Paris. Uhm, I mean, you said you were scared.\nRachel Green: Well yeah, but I mean, it was good scared though, you know? Like when I-moved-to-New-York scared. Or uhm, when I-found-out-I-was-gonna-have-Emma scared... But this is... fine. This is gonna be good.\nRoss Geller: You should go.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: It's what you want. You should go.\nRachel Green: You really think so?\nRoss Geller: I really do.\nRachel Green: But I already told Zelner that I would come back...\nRoss Geller: I'm sure he'll understand.\nRachel Green: All right. ALL RIGHT! I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to Paris.\nRoss Geller: Yeah...\nRachel Green: Yeah! I'm going to Paris. Thank you, Ross!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, oh!\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh, I'm so happy.\nRoss Geller: Then I'm happy too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. Dude, where's my speech? That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris.\nRachel Green: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just flip!\nRachel Green: Ha, tails!\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: So we thought we'd throw you little going away party around seven.\nRachel Green: Oh, that sounds good!\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, you're leaving tomorrow, shouldn't you be packing?\nRachel Green: It's all done!\nMonica Geller: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.\nRachel Green: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane...\nMonica Geller: Ok, so you've done some good work! What about your carry-ons?\nRachel Green: Oh, well. Everything that I need is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! I have nothing left to teach you!\nChandler Bing: Where's your passport?\nRachel Green: It should be right next to my plane ticket.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's not.\nRachel Green: What? Maybe I put it in here . Oh, oh, it's not in there! Oh, no! I must have packed it in one of these boxes!\nMonica Geller: Here, let me help you.\nRachel Green: Shoot. Oh, I can't believe I did this!\nChandler Bing: At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport? OPENING SEQUENCE.\nMonica Geller: Oh, wow, can you believe you're like three weeks away?\nErica: I know.\nMonica Geller: You don't mind me touching your belly, do you?\nErica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nErica: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey Erica, welcome back to town! Wow, look how big you've gotten.\nErica: That's because I'm pregnant!\nRoss Geller: Right, no, I understand.\nErica: Oh, ok. I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts.\nRoss Geller: No, no, I knew .\nMonica Geller: Okay, well, stop staring at them.\nRoss Geller: She brought them up! I didn't realize you were coming back so soon!\nErica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel.\nRoss Geller: Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys?\nMonica Geller: Because we're moving in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense.\nErica: Plus hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks!\nRoss Geller: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...\nMonica Geller: Ross! She's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants.\nErica: I'll be right back.\nRoss Geller: Oh man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name.\nRoss Geller: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it takes two incomes.\nRoss Geller: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie.\nMonica Geller: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.\nRoss Geller: Mhm, packing - sexy cheerleader comedy.\nMonica Geller: Mhm, helpful brother - creepy loner at teen movie.\nRoss Geller: What are you guys doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Try it, I can't feel a thing!\nMonica Geller: Are, are you kidding? This is packing?\nChandler Bing: We're taking a break!\nMonica Geller: From?\nChandler Bing: Jumping on the bed?\nMonica Geller: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you're in charge of these yahoos!\nRoss Geller: You got it! . All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys hear a ringing?\nChandler Bing: What the hell is this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Handcuffs! And fur line, nice! I didn't know you guys had it in ya!\nRoss Geller: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know Monica had these!\nJoey Tribbiani: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!\nChandler Bing: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!\nRoss Geller: Bumming hard, guys, bumming hard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Where's Mike?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Yeah, where is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party.\nRoss Geller: Rock on! Phoebe : Wow, this is quite a spread! What is all this stuff?\nMonica Geller: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey, where's Rach?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.\nRoss Geller: Great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now it just hit her that she's leaving and she's kind of emotional so no one say anything to set her off, ok?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nEveryone: Hey Rach, hey you.\nRoss Geller: Here she is!\nRachel Green: Hi you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: What did I just say?\nRachel Green: No, no, no. It's ok. I'm gonna be fine.\nMonica Geller: Come here, I'll make you a drink.\nRoss Geller: Oh, man! I can't believe she's actually leaving. How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel?\nChandler Bing: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, I had a chance to stop her too!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. Wait a minute...\nChandler Bing: Yes, Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!\nPhoebe Buffay: You doing ok?\nRachel Green: Well, I've been better.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nRachel Green: You guys are gonna come and visit me, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!\nRachel Green: I'm gonna miss you so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nRachel Green: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here .\nRoss Geller: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.\nRachel Green: Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, but I do have something for you.\nRachel Green: Oh, oh. . What is this?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!\nRachel Green: I'm gonna throw this away, but thank you so much for the gesture!\nMonica Geller: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these on my pillow.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? These aren't mine.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me!\nMonica Geller: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before.\nChandler Bing: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom?\nMonica Geller: Rachel used to live in that room.\nChandler Bing: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting!\nMonica Geller: Joey's bare ass!\nChandler Bing: . Well played.\nRachel Green: I love you Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you too. Please don't... Don't turn into... you know... French bitch!\nRachel Green: All right. Well, if I gonna do this, I'd better keep going.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nRachel Green: Ok. Monica?\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Can you come here with me for a minute?\nMonica Geller: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you wearing waterproof mascara?\nMonica Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're so screwed.\nRoss Geller: Hey. What was that all about?\nPhoebe Buffay: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding? Oh my God...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God... Ross, get ready to do some serious crying.\nRoss Geller: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.\nRachel Green: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...\nMonica Geller: I know what you mean. You're like a sister to me too.\nRachel Green: I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you...\nMonica Geller: You're the best friend I ever had.\nRachel Green: \nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I... I... I...\nMonica Geller: That is so sweet.\nRoss Geller: Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.\nChandler Bing: Uh, Rach?\nRoss Geller: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her.\nJoey Tribbiani: I really made you think about that thing uh?\nChandler Bing: Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.\nChandler Bing: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room.\nRachel Green: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with...\nChandler Bing: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?\nRachel Green: Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: I think these are yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice.\nRachel Green: Can I talk to you alone for a minute?\nChandler Bing: Sure. You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Where do you think Mike really is?\nRachel Green: Oh honey...\nChandler Bing: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.\nRachel Green: Oh, you know what? Let's not say anything else. I love you.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, not so tight... I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh...\nRachel Green: Oh!\nChandler Bing: I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't.\nMonica Geller: So, I guess you're next. You're ready?\nRoss Geller: I don't think so.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years.\nMonica Geller: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news.\nChandler Bing: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.\nRoss Geller: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. Why are they taking so long?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.\nEveryone: No, no, no, no!\nRoss Geller: Okay, here we go...\nRachel Green: Oh... Well...\nRoss Geller: Yeah...\nRachel Green: I think I'm gonna take off.\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nRachel Green: Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much. I love you. Good night.\nRoss Geller: What? I don't get a goodbye?\nJoey Tribbiani: Lucky bastard!\nRoss Geller: Unbelievable. She says goodbye to everyone but me.\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit.\nRoss Geller: Well, it needs to be plicit.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, let's think about this. I mean, there's got to be an explanation. Uh... did you do anything to make her mad?\nRoss Geller: No, I don't think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Mine too.\nChandler Bing: Mine was a humdinger.\nRoss Geller: O-kay... I mean, don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? NOT FROM YOU!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.\nMonica Geller: And say what? \"You owe me a goodbye\", I mean, he's got more pride than that.\nRoss Geller: THE HELL I DO!\nRoss Geller: I don't get a goodbye?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.\nRachel Green: Ross...\nRoss Geller: Oh no, maybe it's me, I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good... IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you want to leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris.\nMonica Geller: I hope Ross isn't too upset.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.\nPhoebe Buffay: Tell me about it.\nChandler Bing: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I think I'm gonna head out.\nMonica Geller: Uh, where do you think you're going?\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here.\nMonica Geller: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in.\nChandler Bing: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea.\nMonica Geller: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.\nChandler Bing: You couldn't be cool.\nMonica Geller: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?\nMonica Geller: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong.\nChandler Bing: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are.\nMonica Geller: You did? How?\nChandler Bing: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Let me see.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's that dirty old lady?\nChandler Bing: Monica's grandmother.\nMonica Geller: Nana liked it rough!\nErica: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on here, have a seat.\nPhoebe Buffay: How was your night?\nErica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.\nMonica Geller: Erica, are you okay?\nErica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Relax! We just get her some antacids.\nMonica Geller: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.\nMonica Geller: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh!\nChandler Bing: Honey, it's gonna be okay.\nErica: You can do this. Just breathe.\nMonica Geller: Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better.\nErica: Ooh! Are you sure?\nMonica Geller: Oh... Yes, I'm sure. Oh honey, let's go. Okay bye everyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, wait, wait, wait...\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.\nRachel Green: You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care?\nRoss Geller: That's what it seemed like.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me.\nRoss Geller: Fine, then why didn't you say something?\nRachel Green: Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye... Oh!\nRoss Geller: Rach!\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: You keep, you keep... You can't...\nRachel Green: WHAT?\nJoey Tribbiani: A little more.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: A little more, a little more. A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. All right, now give me your best shot.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, here it goes...\nJoey Tribbiani: Doesn't work..."}
{"text": "Jennifer Aniston: Previously on Friends.\nMonica Geller: Erica, are you okay?\nErica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Relax! We'll just get her some antacids.\nMonica Geller: She doesn't have a stomach-ache. She's in labor!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: So if you think I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me.\nRoss Geller: Rach!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Shh.. Go back to sleep. I have to go home.\nRoss Geller: Oh. This was amazing.\nRachel Green: It really was. You've learned some new moves!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me \"Sex for Dummies\" as a joke.\nRachel Green: Ah.\nRoss Geller: Who's laughing now?\nRachel Green: I know!\nMonica Geller: Breathe, breathe, breathe... Good.\nChandler Bing: Next time, can I say breathe?\nMonica Geller: No, last time you said it like Dracula, and it scared her! Can I get you anything? You want some more ice chips?\nErica: No, I'm okay.\nMonica Geller: Alright, I'll be right back.\nChandler Bing: Where are you going?\nMonica Geller: To use the bathroom.\nChandler Bing: You can't leave me alone with her.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!\nMonica Geller: What kind of social situation are you comfortable with?\nChandler Bing: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.\nMonica Geller: You'll be fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?\nErica: I don't know. Maybe church-camp?\nChandler Bing: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?\nErica: What?\nChandler Bing: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.\nChandler Bing: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's that?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a baby chick and duck!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.\nPhoebe Buffay: I did not see that coming.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is the rule, though.\nPhoebe Buffay: Guess what? You're almost an uncle!\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: Have you seen him throw a ball?\nRoss Geller: Is Rachel here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I think she's still asleep. Hey, hey, how did it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.\nRoss Geller: Uh, we, y'know, we worked things out.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's that smile? Did something happen with you two?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God. You and Rachel?\nRoss Geller: I know, it's pretty great.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I.. I don't know. We didn't really get to talk.\nPhoebe Buffay: But do you wanna get back together?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. It was incredible. I mean, it just felt so right. When I was holding her, I mean, I never wanted to let her go. You know what? Yeah, I do. I wanna be together.\nPhoebe Buffay: YAY!\nRoss Geller: Shhh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, so is she still going to Paris?\nRoss Geller: Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I hope not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! \"Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes...\"\nRachel Green: Morning!\nPhoebe Buffay: Guess we'll never know how it ends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey. How did you sleep?\nRachel Green: Good. You?\nRoss Geller: Good.\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet you did!\nRoss Geller: Uh. Would you guys mind giving us a minute?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?\nRachel Green: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...\nPhoebe Buffay: Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.\nRoss Geller: So...\nRoss Geller: Morning.\nRachel Green: You too. Last night was just wonderful.\nRoss Geller: It really was.\nRachel Green: I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.\nRoss Geller: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh. I know. It was just, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye.\nMonica Geller: It's just a little bit more, honey.\nErica: Help me! This hurts!\nChandler Bing: Is it really that bad?\nErica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!\nDoctor: The baby's head is crowning.\nMonica Geller: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!\nChandler Bing: I'm okay.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!\nChandler Bing: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.\nDoctor: Start pushing. Here we go. Here come the shoulders...\nMonica Geller: It's a... It's a boy!\nChandler Bing: Wow!\nErica: Is he okay?\nDoctor: He's just fine.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you did it!\nChandler Bing: It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.\nDoctor: Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?\nChandler Bing: Well, that's spongy.\nMonica Geller: Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! Oh, we are so lucky!\nChandler Bing: I know. He has your eyes.\nChandler Bing: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.\nNurse: We'll just get him cleaned up a bit.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.\nErica: I'm really happy for you guys.\nChandler Bing: How do you feel?\nErica: I'm tired!\nDoctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.\nMonica Geller: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?\nDoctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.\nMonica Geller: We only ordered one!\nDoctor: You know it's twins, right?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!\nDoctor: I can't believe you didn't know it's twins! This has never happened before.\nChandler Bing: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.\nMonica Geller: Wait, did you know it was twins?\nDoctor: Yeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.\nMonica Geller: Anybody tell you?\nErica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.\nMonica Geller: This is unbelievable.\nErica: Twins actually run in my family.\nChandler Bing: Interesting! Can I see you for a second?\nChandler Bing: What do we do?\nMonica Geller: What do you mean \"what do we do\"?\nChandler Bing: Twins! Twins!!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you're panicking!\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?\nMonica Geller: We can't split them up!\nChandler Bing: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion, and then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.\nMonica Geller: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?\nChandler Bing: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.\nChandler Bing: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!\nMonica Geller: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of \"Eight is Enough\" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Shhh...\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nDoctor: It looks like we're about ready over here.\nDoctor: Come on, Erica, start pushing again now.\nErica: Ow!\nDoctor: Here she comes!\nChandler Bing: She? It's a girl?\nDoctor: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Well, now we have one of each! And that's enough!\nRoss Geller: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! What did you say?\nRoss Geller: Nothing! What do you say to that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel!\nRoss Geller: No way!\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I'm just trying to speak your language.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.\nRoss Geller: You really think so?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. \"Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam...\"\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Can't a girl finish a song around here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi! So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you're not taking her with you tonight?\nRachel Green: No, we decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, eight hour flight with a one-year old? Good luck, mom.\nRachel Green: Are you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma!\nRoss Geller: Alright, you know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, wait!\nRoss Geller: What? What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Could you get me a muffin?\nGunther: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nGunther: I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you.\nGunther: I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.\nRachel Green: Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a cafe, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.\nRachel Green: Oh... Bye guys.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Unbelievable!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know what might help?\nRoss Geller: I'm not getting you a muffin!\nMonica Geller: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?\nChandler Bing: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.\nNurse: We're going to take Erica to recovery now.\nMonica Geller: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.\nErica: Oh my God, that's just like my name!\nMonica Geller: Son of a gun, it is!\nErica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Okay, well, bye!\nErica: Bye!\nChandler Bing: Bye!\nMonica Geller: We'll call you!\nErica: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Have fun at church-camp!\nMonica Geller: Oh, look at these little bunnies!\nChandler Bing: I know! You ready to trade?\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Alright, let's see..\nChandler Bing: We could trade later.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, what are you working on?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a... It's a \"welcome home\" sign for the baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I sat in the paint.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. So, did you talk to Rachel?\nRoss Geller: No, and I'm not going to.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: How can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Damn it!\nRoss Geller: Look, even if I were gonna tell her, I don't have to do it now. Okay? I'll be seeing her again. We've got time.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!\nMike Hannigan: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! What do you have there?\nMike Hannigan: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! You did that yourself?\nPhoebe Buffay: Honey, that's gorgeous!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!\nRachel Green: Hi! You guys, the car-service just got here. I can't believe they're not home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, did she sound happy about it? 'Cause my friend Ethel's baby was born with a teeny, tiny beard.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Hi! Oh my gosh!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so what is the big surprise?\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: What... What...\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?\nMonica Geller: Yes, it's twins!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?\nMonica Geller: This is a boy, and that's a girl.\nChandler Bing: Her name is Erica.\nRachel Green: Aw..\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we named the boy Jack after dad.\nRoss Geller: Aw, he's gonna be so happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Jack Bing. I love that. Ooh, it sounds like a '40s newspaper guy, you know? \"Jack Bing, Morning Gazette. I'm gonna blow this story wide open!\"\nRachel Green: Oh my gosh. Wow, so beautiful.\nMike Hannigan: I want one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.\nMike Hannigan: Seriously. Wanna make one of those?\nPhoebe Buffay: One? How about a whole bunch?\nMike Hannigan: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.\nRachel Green: Oh, you guys, I can't believe this. But I'll leave now, or I'm gonna miss my plane.\nMonica Geller: I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.\nRachel Green: Me too. Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two attempt to handle this! Alright, I can't say goodbye to you guys again. I love you all so much.\nMonica Geller: I love you.\nChandler Bing: I love you.\nMonica Geller: Call us when you get there.\nRachel Green: I will. Ross, come here.\nRachel Green: I just want you to know.. Last night.. I'll never forget it.\nRoss Geller: Neither will I.\nRachel Green: Alright, now I really have to go. Okay. Au revoir! Oh, they're gonna really hate me over there.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, you just let her go?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, maybe that's for the best.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. You know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last night the way she does, okay? Maybe, maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye?\nPhoebe Buffay: But now she'll never know how he feels!\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe that's okay. You know? Maybe, maybe it is better this way? I mean, now, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents.. Right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe now you can actually do it. You know? You can finally get over her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's true. Except I don't wanna get over her.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: I don't! I wanna be with her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm gonna go after her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you are!\nPhoebe Buffay: Woo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait! Get your coat! Get your coat!\nRoss Geller: My coat...\nJoey Tribbiani: This is so cool!\nChandler Bing: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!\nJoey Tribbiani: But Ross, Ross. What do you, what do you think she's going to say?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. Where - where is my coat?!\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't bring one! My cab's downstairs, I'll drive you to the airport.\nRoss Geller: Okay, guys, wish me luck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hurry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck, good luck!\nRoss Geller: There's no seatbelt!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's okay. If - if we hit anything, the engine will explode, so you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, let's do this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMan: 18th and East End.\nPhoebe Buffay: I - I don't take passengers.\nMan: Hey! The law says you have to accept any fare.\nRoss Geller: No, you don't understand. This isn't a real cab.\nMan: Alright, I gotta report you. What's your medallion number?\nPhoebe Buffay: My medallion number is, \"Get out of the cab!\"\nMan: What?\nRoss Geller: Get out of the cab!\nPhoebe Buffay: Get out of the cab!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, hey, can I give you guys your house-warming present now?\nMonica Geller: Now, that you can do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah... Chick Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from mama!\nPhoebe Buffay: You can open your eyes now.\nRoss Geller: Are we off the bridge?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, she jumped right back up.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, Phoebe, slow down!\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?\nRoss Geller: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!\nPhoebe Buffay: You should have thought of that before you got in!\nPhoebe Buffay: Toll-booth.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hurry!\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Damn, that window is clean.\nJoey Tribbiani: Quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, quack, tweet, tweet, quack, tweet, quack...\nChandler Bing: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but for your house-warming gift, I got you a baby-chick and a baby-duck!\nChandler Bing: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?\nMonica Geller: Oh, great! Just what you want for a new house with infants. Bird feces.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!\nChandler Bing: Oh, don't worry, we'll find them.\nMonica Geller: Actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.\nChandler Bing: Alright.\nMonica Geller: Oh God! What did I just step on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nChandler Bing: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.\nMonica Geller: Oh..\nJoey Tribbiani: You stepped on my egg roll?\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just put it on a plate and leave.\nChandler Bing: Okay, let's find these birds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, wait. Do you hear that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! They're in the table!\nChandler Bing: Well, that can't be good!\nJoey Tribbiani: We gotta get them out of there!\nChandler Bing: How?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh! Maybe we can lure them out. You know any birdcalls?\nChandler Bing: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, maybe we can just tip the table a little.\nChandler Bing: Joey, wait! The ball!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh God! So what do we do?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Maybe we can open this up somehow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: No... It's all glued together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Does that mean we have to bust it open?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Maybe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. \"Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine.\"\nChandler Bing: Did that movie ever get made?\nJoey Tribbiani: It did not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, where are you going?\nRoss Geller: To talk to Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?\nPhoebe Buffay: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?\nRoss Geller: Not since my cop-show got cancelled.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have to get a ticket to get past security.\nRoss Geller: What? We're never gonna make it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!\nRoss Geller: Okay, if you could all walk slower, that'd be great."}
{"text": "Gate Attendant #1: Madame, your passport please?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I was so afraid I wasn't gonna remember any of my high-school French, but I understood every word you just said!\nGate Attendant #1: Your boarding pass, please.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRachel Green: Oh, shoot. I had it. Oh, I can't believe this.\nGate Attendant #1: Madame, if you don't have your boarding pass...\nRachel Green: I have it, I have it, I have it. Oh, okay, I can't find it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.\nGate Attendant #1: Madame, you must have your boarding pass..\nRachel Green: Okay, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I need a ticket.\nPhoebe Buffay: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?\nRoss Geller: Fine, two tickets, I need two tickets.\nPhoebe Buffay: We're on our honeymoon.\nTicket Agent: And the destination?\nRoss Geller: I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so lucky I married you.\nRachel Green: Oh! Shoot! Damn it! Where is it? Oh! Oh! I found it! I found it!\nRachel Green: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.\nRoss Geller: Okay, flight 421 to Paris. I don't see it, do you see it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, did we miss it?\nRoss Geller: No, no, no. That's impossible. It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe we have the flight-number wrong. God.\nMonica Geller: Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, it's me. Here's Ross.\nRoss Geller: What? Hey, hey, listen..\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Ross, you wouldn't believe the cute little noises the twins are making. Listen.\nRoss Geller: Monica? Monica, Monica, Monica, Monica..?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.\nRoss Geller: That's alright. Listen, listen.\nMonica Geller: Oh, wait, wait, wait! Here they go again.\nRoss Geller: Monica? Monica, Monica, Monica, Monica..?\nMonica Geller: Isn't that cute?\nRoss Geller: That is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.\nMonica Geller: Oh, okay. Alright, it's flight 421. Leaves at 8:40.\nRoss Geller: Yes, that's what I have. It's not on the board.\nMonica Geller: That's what it says here. Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Newark airport. Why, where are you?\nRoss Geller: JFK.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, you guys, we're gonna get you out of there.\nChandler Bing: And we're also gonna buy you tiny, bird hearing-aids.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Here goes.\nChandler Bing: What's the matter?\nJoey Tribbiani: I need to say goodbye to the table first.\nChandler Bing: I understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Table, you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. You wanna say anything?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, here we go. I can't do it.\nChandler Bing: Well, I can't do it either.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Did you find them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they're stuck inside the table!\nChandler Bing: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!\nMonica Geller: Oh, well sure. This gotta be so hard. I'll do it. Gimme!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe! Wow! No, no, no!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I've never gone this fast before.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, forget it, okay? Newark is - is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.\nPhoebe Buffay: She's got her cell, you could call her.\nRoss Geller: I am not doing this over the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have any other choice!\nRachel Green: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel? Oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.\nRoss Geller: Yay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, Rach, hang on.\nRachel Green: Phoebe? Is everything okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm, actually no. No, you've... You have to get off the plane.\nRachel Green: What? Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left Philange.\nRachel Green: Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane.\nRachel Green: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.\nPassenger #1: Uhm, what was that?\nRachel Green: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.\nPassenger #1: Okay, that doesn't sound good.\nRachel Green: I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.\nPassenger #1: But she is sometimes.\nRachel Green: Well...\nRachel Green: Wait, what are you doing?\nPassenger #1: Well, I can't take this plane now.\nAir Stewardess: Excuse me, sir, where are you going?\nPassenger #1: I have to get off this plane, okay? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left Philange.\nRachel Green: Could I get some peanuts?\nPassenger #2: What's wrong with the plane?\nAir Stewardess: There's nothing wrong with the plane.\nPassenger #1: Yeah! The left Philange!\nAir Stewardess: There is no Philange!\nPassenger #1: Oh my God. This plane doesn't even have a Philange!\nPassenger #2: I'm not flying on it!\nAir Stewardess: Ma'am, please sit down!\nPassenger #3: What's going on?\nPassenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no Philange!\nRachel Green: This is ridiculous! I...\nRachel Green: Yeah, okay.\nMonica Geller: Alright. My job here is done.\nChandler Bing: That was... Impressive.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you didn't even use the tools for most of it!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.\nChandler Bing: Sorry about the table, man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You gonna buy a new one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably not. Nah. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you go.\nChandler Bing: Well, at least we got these little guys out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna miss these little guys. It was nice having birds around again.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.\nJoey Tribbiani: I could get a goose!\nChandler Bing: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks man. Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.\nChandler Bing: I think there may be another reason. So, awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, lame cool guy handshake, yeah.\nGate Attendant #2: Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.\nPassenger #2: And you fixed the Philange?\nGate Attendant #2: Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.\nRoss Geller: Where is she?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't see her.\nRoss Geller: Rachel! Rachel Green!\nPhoebe Buffay: There she is!\nRoss Geller: Rachel! Rachel!\nGate Attendant #2: Wow, excuse me, sir, do you have a boarding pass?\nRoss Geller: No, no, I just have to talk to someone.\nGate Attendant #2: I'm sorry, you cannot go any further without a boarding pass.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, but...\nPhoebe Buffay: RACHEL!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God... What.. What are you guys doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you're on.\nRachel Green: What? What? Ross, you're scaring me. What's going on?\nRoss Geller: Okay, the thing is..\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Don't go.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: I know, I know. I shouldn't have waited 'till now to say it, but I'm.. That was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.\nGate Attendant #2: Miss? Are you boarding the plane?\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.\nGate Attendant #2: Miss?\nRachel Green: I - I have to get on the plane.\nRoss Geller: No, you don't.\nRachel Green: Yes, I do.\nRoss Geller: No, you don't.\nRachel Green: They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Rachel?\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry.\nRoss Geller: I really thought she'd stay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: Well, that's it. Everything's packed.\nChandler Bing: Wow, this is weird.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat?\nMonica Geller: I put three lasagnas in your freezer.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: So did you guys make it in time?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway.\nChandler Bing: Where's Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: He went home. He didn't want to see anybody.\nRachel Green: Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nAir Stewardess: Miss? Please, sit down!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love love them.\nAir Stewardess: Miss, I can't let you off the plane.\nRoss Geller: Let her off the plane!\nAir Stewardess: I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.\nRachel Green: Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!\nRoss Geller: Try to understand!\nRachel Green: Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off...\nRoss Geller: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?\nRachel Green: I got off the plane.\nRoss Geller: You got off the plane.\nRachel Green: I do love you.\nRoss Geller: I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.\nRachel Green: Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.\nRoss Geller: Me neither, okay? We are - we're done being stupid.\nRachel Green: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.\nRoss Geller: This is it. Unless we're on a break.\nRoss Geller: Don't make jokes now.\nMonica Geller: Okay, please be careful with that. It was my grandmother's. Be careful.\nMonica Geller: If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.\nRoss Geller: Wow.\nRachel Green: I know. It seems smaller somehow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Has it always been purple?\nChandler Bing: Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, do you realise that at one time or another we all lived in this apartment?\nMonica Geller: Oh, yeah, that's true.\nRoss Geller: Uh, I haven't.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute. What about that summer during college that you lived with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?\nRoss Geller: Do you realise we almost made it ten years without that coming up?\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey, I forgot. I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I guess this is it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I guess so.\nMonica Geller: This is harder than I thought it would be.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's gonna be okay.\nRachel Green: Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?\nMonica Geller: We got some time.\nRachel Green: Okay, should we get some coffee?\nChandler Bing: Sure. Where?"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like \"forget about her\" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, \"Oh my god.\" So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?\nRachel Green: Oh my god. Oh my god. Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me!\nRoss Geller: Rach!\nRachel Green: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you?\nRoss Geller: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: You're bleeding.\nRachel Green: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. Come on. I wanna hear everything! Everything.\nRoss Geller: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.\nRachel Green: These are, these aren't for you. These are for you. Welcome to our country.\nJulie: Thank you. I'm from New York.\nRachel Green: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.\nChandler Bing: No way!\nMonica Geller: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?\nJoey Tribbiani: Um, this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nMonica Geller: Guys, you got your hair cut.\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause, you know, if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.\nRachel Green: Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.\nChandler Bing: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.\nRachel Green: You, you, you said he liked me. You, you slowpokes!\nRoss Geller: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?\nJoey Tribbiani: What up?!\nRoss Geller: Everyone, this is Julie.\nRachel Green: Julie.\nEveryone: Ohh. Hi!\nJulie: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.\nRoss Geller: And bus.\nJulie: Oh my god.\nRoss Geller: The screaming guy?\nJulie: And the spitting?\nRoss Geller: You gotta hear this story.\nJulie: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old...\nRoss Geller: 200 at least.\nJulie: ...and this guy...\nRachel Green: And the chicken pooped in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.\nMonica Geller: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?\nJulie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.\nRoss Geller: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.\nRachel Green: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?\nMonica Geller: It's an expression.\nRoss Geller: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.\nJulie: And then we've gotta get some sleep.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.\nChandler Bing: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.\nRachel Green: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Rach, can I get some coffee?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Hey, Rach, can I get...\nRachel Green: Did you talk to him?\nChandler Bing: Not yet.\nRachel Green: Then, no.\nChandler Bing: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.\nRoss Geller: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?\nChandler Bing: God?\nRoss Geller: It was you, pal.\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe it was God, doing me.\nRoss Geller: Look, you were right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you.\nChandler Bing: Well, you owe me one, big guy.\nRachel Green: Here's your lemonade.\nRoss Geller: I didn't order lemonade.\nRachel Green: Oh. Well then, you better go take that back because they're gonna charge you for that.\nRoss Geller: But...\nRachel Green: Go-go-go-go, come on! So uh, what did you find out?\nChandler Bing: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.\nRachel Green: How is that the silver lining?\nChandler Bing: You have to really wanna see it.\nRoss Geller: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.\nMonica Geller: Pheebes, you know what I'm thinking?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?\nMonica Geller: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so what were you thinking?\nMonica Geller: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd like to do mine?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! No.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.\nMonica Geller: No you're not.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you.\nRoss Geller: Hello? Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi. Anybody know a good tailor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Needs some clothes altered?\nChandler Bing: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. All right, when was 1990?\nChandler Bing: Okay. You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. Well you didn't hang up either.\nRachel Green: She didn't hang up either!\nRoss Geller: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y...\nRachel Green: Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.\nRoss Geller: Rachel! I'll just call her back.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Hi? Sorry, we got disconnected...\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie, I wanted you to have him too.\nRachel Green: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. I gotta get out of here.\nChandler Bing: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, I think I was sixteen.\nMonica Geller: Please, just a little bit off the back.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm still on \"no.\"\nRachel Green: Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no, I'm not fallin' for that again.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's goin' on?\nRachel Green: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.\nChandler Bing: What stupid thing did you do?\nPaulo: Bon giorno tutti!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ewww!\nRachel Green: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, how did this happen?\nRachel Green: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where?\nRachel Green: At his apartment. Is this juice?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?\nRachel Green: Oh God, I know I'm a pathetic loser.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you're not pathetic, you're sad.\nChandler Bing: People do stupid things when they're upset.\nMonica Geller: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't..., but this is about your horrible mistake.\nEveryone: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi. Sorry we're late but we werewell, there was touching.\nPaulo: Hey, hey Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here?\nPaulo: I do Raquel.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, he's back.\nRachel Green: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?\nRoss Geller: No, not a problem.\nRachel Green: Good! I'm glad it's not a problem.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.\nChandler Bing: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means.\nChandler Bing: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?\nMonica Geller: You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Ok, but, but! You have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.\nMonica Geller: I promise.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, that's it, I quit.\nMonica Geller: What? I didn't say anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but this isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.\nPhoebe Buffay: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.\nMonica Geller: How who wears it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Demi Moore.\nMonica Geller: Demi Moore is not a he.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.\nMonica Geller: That's Dudley Moore. I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Oh!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?\nMonica Geller: She's the actress that was in Disclosure, Indecent Proposal, Ghost!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.\nMonica Geller: I know!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: How long do you want the cuffs?\nChandler Bing: At least as long as I have the pants.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I just got that. Ok, now we'll do your inseam.\nRachel Green: How is she?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.\nRoss Geller: How's the hair?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can we see her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: How're you doing?\nRachel Green: I'm okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, that bad, huh?\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.\nRachel Green: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, 50 feet of crap, then me.\nJoey Tribbiani: You gotta tell Ross how you feel.\nRachel Green: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about Julie?\nJoey Tribbiani: What about her? They've only been going out for two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 years.\nRachel Green: I don't know, I don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.\nChandler Bing: Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man!\nJoey Tribbiani: Frankie? What're you talking about?\nRoss Geller: Hey, what's goin' on?\nChandler Bing: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Cupping.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? That's not? Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Even Mary Tyler Moore would've been better.\nRoss Geller: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. My hair is very amused.\nChandler Bing: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rach.\nRachel Green: Wait, are you leaving?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by \"bye!\"\nRachel Green: Well, can I talk to you for a sec?\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...\nChandler Bing: That's ok.\nRoss Geller: What's goin' on?\nRachel Green: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all , what?\nRoss Geller: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?\nRachel Green: No. No-no-no-no.\nRoss Geller: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking \"Oh my god, I'm with Rachel\". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all?\nRachel Green: No, I think that was the whole all.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they measure pants.\nJulie: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andie McDowell's new haircut?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.\nJulie: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: You wanna do it right now?\nJulie: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?\nRachel Green: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.\nRachel Green: You're welcome."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. Oh my God, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?\nSusan Bunch: Oh, is he hungry already?\nCarol Willick: I guess so.\nChandler Bing: You know, it's... something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back.\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta get one, too.\nRoss Geller: What are you guys doing?\nChandler Bing: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?\nRoss Geller: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.\nRoss Geller: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.\nRoss Geller: Carol?\nChandler Bing: Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?\nCarol Willick: Sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, does it hurt?\nCarol Willick: It did at first, but not anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: So, uh, how often can you do it?\nCarol Willick: As much as he needs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, I got one, I got one. Uh, if he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?\nJulie: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I forget which ones.\nJulie: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one?\nEveryone: No thanks.\nJulie: Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me get it. There you go.\nRachel Green: Thank you. What a bitch.\nJulie: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.\nMonica Geller: Ok, um, I'll go with you.\nJulie: Great.\nRoss Geller: Hi, honey.\nChandler Bing: Hey, sweetums.\nRoss Geller: Hello to the rest.\nEveryone: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?\nChandler Bing: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.\nMonica Geller: But I'm...\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.\nRoss Geller: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.\nMonica Geller: You're welcome.\nPhoebe Buffay: Woof, woof.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Hey Annabelle.\nAnnabelle: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who?\nAnnabelle: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.\nHombre Man: Hombre?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's he doin' in my section?\nAnnabelle: I guess he doesn't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? Hey, how ya doin'?\nHombre Man: Mornin'.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.\nHombre Man: Your territory, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Bijan for men?\nGuy: No thanks.\nHombre Man: Hombre?\nGuy: Yeah. All right.\nHombre Man: You were saying?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: We were shopping, and we had lunch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, all right. What did I have?\nMonica Geller: You had a salad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.\nRachel Green: Hey, guys, what's up.\nPhoebe Buffay: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.\nRachel Green: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.\nRachel Green: You went shopping for fur?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, uh, boobs.\nRachel Green: You bought boobs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for... Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.\nAnnabelle: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.\nHombre Man: Ready, Annabelle?\nAnnabelle: You bet. Maybe some other time?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men? Bijan for men?!\nCarol Willick: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.\nRoss Geller: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.\nSusan Bunch: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.\nRachel Green: Oh, this is so cute.\nSusan Bunch: Oh, I got that for him.\nRoss Geller: My mommies love me. That's clever.\nMonica Geller: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye.\nRachel Green: Did you just say Hi, Jew?\nMonica Geller: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ben, dinner!\nRoss Geller: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not supposed to do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok.\nChandler Bing: What did you just do?\nPhoebe Buffay: I licked my arm, what?\nRoss Geller: It's breast milk.\nPhoebe Buffay: So?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, that is juice, squeezed from a person.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is the big deal?\nChandler Bing: What did you just do?\nRoss Geller: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk?\nPhoebe Buffay: You won't even taste it?\nRoss Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk?\nRoss Geller: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.\nMonica Geller: Hey, where is everybody?\nRachel Green: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?\nMonica Geller: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.\nRachel Green: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. Here are your keys, hon.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Mon, if uh you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars?\nMonica Geller: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.\nRachel Green: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket?\nMonica Geller: That is an excellent excellent question. That is excellent.\nRachel Green: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?\nMonica Geller: Judy.\nRachel Green: Who?\nMonica Geller: Julie.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Jody!\nRachel Green: You were with Julie?\nMonica Geller: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we were...shopping.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean anything to me.\nRachel Green: Yeah, right. Sure!\nMonica Geller: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out!\nRachel Green: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught.\nMonica Geller: That is not true!\nRachel Green: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?\nMonica Geller: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?\nRachel Green: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now.\nMonica Geller: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanne, it's not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve thinks. Hi, Steve.\nCarol Willick: How did we do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.\nRoss Geller: I did not freak out.\nCarol Willick: Why'd you freak out?\nRoss Geller: Because it's breast milk. It's gross.\nCarol Willick: My breast milk is gross?\nSusan Bunch: This should be fun.\nRoss Geller: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults.\nChandler Bing: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.\nCarol Willick: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it.\nRoss Geller: That would be no.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh...\nSusan Bunch: Cantaloupe juice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Exactly.\nRoss Geller: You've tasted it? You've tasted it.\nSusan Bunch: Uh huh.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you've tasted it.\nSusan Bunch: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.\nRoss Geller: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel.\nChandler Bing: Howdy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.\nChandler Bing: What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.\nChandler Bing: All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah I guess you're right.\nChandler Bing: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna do it.\nChandler Bing: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.\nMonica Geller: I don't know what else to say.\nRachel Green: Well that works out good, because I'm not listening.\nMonica Geller: I feel terrible, I really do.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nMonica Geller: It's that terrible?\nRachel Green: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually , but now she's actually stealing you.\nMonica Geller: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.\nRachel Green: I love you too.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. Oh, I really needed that.\nMonica Geller: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?\nRachel Green: I'd do anything for you, you know that.\nMonica Geller: I'd do anything for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, wait, wait!\nJoey Tribbiani: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.\nHombre Man: I heard ya.\nStore Guy: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?\nHombre Man: Ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'm ready.\nCustomer: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you blinded me, I'm suing!\nStore Guy: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you do?\nHombre Man: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.\nAnnabelle: My god, what happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?\nAnnabelle: Sure.\nJulie: So.\nRachel Green: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?\nJulie: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.\nRachel Green: Really? Me?\nJulie: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.\nRachel Green: Well, you're not totally paranoid.\nJulie: Oy.\nRachel Green: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.\nJulie: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?\nRachel Green: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.\nJulie: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.\nRachel Green: All right, Julie.\nJulie: Bye.\nRachel Green: Bye. What a manipulative bitch.\nRoss Geller: That's not bad."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: So how was Joan?\nChandler Bing: I broke up with her.\nChandler Bing: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.\nRachel Green: Come on, they were not that huge.\nChandler Bing: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.\nMonica Geller: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.\nChandler Bing: You or me?\nRoss Geller: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys are messin' with me, right?\nEveryone: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, \"whoa.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.\nChandler Bing: Maureen Rosilla.\nRoss Geller: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.\nMonica Geller: Hello, Mr. Heckles.\nMr. Heckles: You're doing it again.\nMonica Geller: We're not doing anything.\nMr. Heckles: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.\nRachel Green: You don't have birds.\nMr. Heckles: I could have birds.\nMonica Geller: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down.\nMr. Heckles: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.\nRachel Green: All right, bye-bye.\nChandler Bing: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.\nRoss Geller: We'll give you Janice.\nPhoebe Buffay: I miss Janice though. \"Hello, Chandler Bing.\"\nRachel Green: \"Oh, my, god.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!\"\nMonica Geller: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.\nRachel Green: We won. We won!\nMonica Geller: Mr. Heckles.\nRachel Green: How did this happen?\nMr. Treeger: He musta been sweepin'. They found a broom in his hand.\nMonica Geller: That's terrible.\nMr. Treeger: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. It coulda been me.\nRoss Geller: Sure, sweepin'. You never know.\nMr. Treeger: You never know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!\nChandler Bing: Ok, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.\nJoey Tribbiani: Such as?\nPhoebe Buffay: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution?\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nah. Not really.\nRoss Geller: You don't believe in evolution?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.\nRoss Geller: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I just don't buy it.\nRoss Geller: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.\nRoss Geller: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.\nChandler Bing: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.\nMr. Treeger: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.\nMonica Geller: What can we do for you?\nBuddy Boyles: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to \"the noisy girls in the apartment above mine\".\nMonica Geller: Well, what about his family?\nBuddy Boyles: He didn't have any.\nRachel Green: Ok, so let's talk money.\nBuddy Boyles: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!\nRachel Green: Have you ever seen so much crap?\nChandler Bing: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap\nJoey Tribbiani: Check this out. Can I have this?\nRoss Geller: How can you not believe in evolution?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? You can actually see it?\nRoss Geller: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, I didn't know that.\nRoss Geller: Well, there you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?\nChandler Bing: Hey, look at this. \"My Big Book of Grievances.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.\nChandler Bing: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent.\nRachel Green: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.\nMonica Geller: Rache, I think we have enough regular lamps.\nRachel Green: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.\nMonica Geller: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.\nRachel Green: Well, what about my stuff?\nMonica Geller: You don't have any stuff.\nRachel Green: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.\nMonica Geller: Mmmmm.\nRachel Green: Ok, while you \"mmm\" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.\nRoss Geller: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.\nRoss Geller: Please tell me you're joking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.\nRoss Geller: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because-\nPhoebe Buffay: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.\nRoss Geller: Is there blood coming out of my ears?\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.\nChandler Bing: Wow, he looks so normal.\nPhoebe Buffay: He's even kind of cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.\nChandler Bing: Funniest? Heckles?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what it says.\nChandler Bing: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'd call that excessive.\nChandler Bing: Whoa!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.\nChandler Bing: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you been here all night?\nChandler Bing: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.\nChandler Bing: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.\nChandler Bing: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it \"supposably\"?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.\nChandler Bing: How do you know that? How?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.\nChandler Bing: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?\nChandler Bing: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably.\nChandler Bing: Hi, it's me.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, my, god.\nPhoebe Buffay: Janice? You called Janice?\nChandler Bing: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?\nRoss Geller: You remember Janice, right?\nChandler Bing: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Helloo!!\nChandler Bing: Oh, my, god!\nJoey Tribbiani: Geez, look how fat she got.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hey, it's everybody.\nChandler Bing: Janice, you're-\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yes, I am.\nChandler Bing: Is it-?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.\nChandler Bing: Congratulations.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while?\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Hide the Lamp.\nRachel Green: Monica, let it go.\nMonica Geller: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?\nRachel Green: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.\nRoss Geller: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.\nRoss Geller: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?\nRoss Geller: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you caved.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?\nRachel Green: I am. Let me just get my coat.\nMonica Geller: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke.\nRachel Green: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, tell her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.\nRachel Green: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.\nChandler Bing: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.\nRachel Green: Ok, you win.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.\nChandler Bing: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh. Why is that?\nChandler Bing: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, yknow. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. \"Run away from Crazy Snake Man,\" they'll shout!\nMonica Geller: You have got to get over this. You're not gonna end up alone.\nChandler Bing: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.\nRachel Green: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.\nMonica Geller: You are not a freak. You're a guy.\nRachel Green: She's right. She's right. You are no different than the rest of them.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.\nChandler Bing: In a bad way?\nMonica Geller: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.\nRachel Green: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!\nMonica Geller: You made it!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're there!\nRachel Green: You are ready to make a commitment!\nChandler Bing: Whoa! Don't know about that.\nRachel Green: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?\nMonica Geller: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: That's fine.\nChandler Bing: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?\nChandler Bing: I'll take that.\nJoey Tribbiani: You want his yearbook?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.\nMonica Geller: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.\nRachel Green: It's really not that big!\nChandler Bing: Takin' that with you, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah.\nRoss Geller: You comin'?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.\nAlison: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see \"Philosopher wanted\"?\nChandler Bing: Sure."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. It's open you guys.\nStranger: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi, hi can I help you?\nStranger: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?\nRachel Green: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.\nStranger: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by.\nRachel Green: What?\nStranger: Hey, how, how did you do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.\nMonica Geller: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?\nRoss Geller: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.\nMonica Geller: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.\nEveryone: Huuh.\nMonica Geller: Well, didn't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I might have.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you didn't tell me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.\nMonica Geller: What have I not told you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.\nRachel Green: What!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, who told you? You are dead meat.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know it was a big secret.\nMonica Geller: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have a third nipple?\nChandler Bing: You bitch.\nRoss Geller: Whip it out, whip it out.\nChandler Bing: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.\nRachel Green: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.\nRoss Geller: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.\nEveryone: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.\nChandler Bing: Joey was in a porno movie.\nEveryone: Huuh.\nChandler Bing: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.\nRoss Geller: You were in a porno?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.\nMonica Geller: That is wild.\nRoss Geller: So what's it shaped like?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, is there a hair on it?\nJoey Tribbiani: What happens if you flick it?\nRoss Geller: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?\nChandler Bing: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.\nJulie: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.\nChandler Bing: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?\nRoss Geller: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?\nRachel Green: Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.\nMonica Geller: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.\nEveryone: Woah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Foxy lady.\nJulie: Where you goin'?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.\nJoey Tribbiani: The Ice Capades?\nChandler Bing: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.\nRoss Geller: Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?\nChandler Bing: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .\nRoss Geller: OK sweetie, I'll see you later.\nJulie: See you later Rach.\nRachel Green: Bye-bye Julie.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey, c'mon, cut it out.\nRoss Geller: Hey?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Can I ask you somethin'?\nRachel Green: Sure.\nRoss Geller: Naa.\nRachel Green: What? C'mon, talk to me.\nRoss Geller: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?\nRachel Green: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?\nRoss Geller: Technically, huh, no.\nRachel Green: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school?\nRoss Geller: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .\nRachel Green: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.\nRoss Geller: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I think it's sexy.\nRoss Geller: Sexy?\nRachel Green: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.\nRoss Geller: No kidding?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I'd wait.\nRoss Geller: You'd wait?\nRachel Green: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.\nRoss Geller: Women really want this?\nRachel Green: More than jewelry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nDuncan: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ta-da.\nDuncan: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nDuncan: Ahh, look at you, you look great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Do I? Thank you, so do you.\nDuncan: Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.\nDuncan: You always said I'd make it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Wooo.\nDuncan: I missed you. I'm gonna get changed.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK.\nDuncan: Um, now. Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, right, OK. Ole.\nDuncan: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, the matador. Ole, ha ha ha.\nRoss Geller: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks.\nChandler Bing: Uh, Julie.\nJulie: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.\nRoss Geller: Hi everyone.\nEveryone: Hi.\nRoss Geller: I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before.\nRachel Green: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?\nRoss Geller: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.\nRachel Green: What did, what did he say?\nRoss Geller: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .\nChandler Bing: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.\nRoss Geller: Pop it in.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people.\nRachel Green: Great, people having sex, that's just what I need to see.\nRoss Geller: What's wrong with people having sex?\nRachel Green: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.\nMonica Geller: Hell, I wanna see Joey.\nJulie: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.\nChandler Bing: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.\nMonica Geller: All I say is, she better get the job.\nRoss Geller: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.\nChandler Bing: Nice work my friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .\nPhoebe Buffay: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday.\nDuncan: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. . .K. How come?\nDuncan: Umm, actually, I'm getting married again.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nDuncan: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huuh.\nDuncan: Yeah, I know, I.\nPhoebe Buffay: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.\nDuncan: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: So how long have you known?\nDuncan: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in.\nPhoebe Buffay: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?\nDuncan: Her name's Debra.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?\nDuncan: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nDuncan: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way.\nPhoebe Buffay: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.'\nDuncan: I'm, I'm still me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago?\nMonica Geller: You know, it still smells like monkey in there.\nJulie: That saves us a conversation.\nChandler Bing: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too, we should get goin'.\nRachel Green: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, that's all we do.\nRachel Green: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie?\nJulie: What about Julie?\nRachel Green: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.\nJulie: Well, that could take a while.\nRachel Green: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?\nChandler Bing: I got the time to get to know Julie.\nJoey Tribbiani: I got time.\nMonica Geller: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? That's fine.\nRachel Green: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?\nJulie: Well, in a nutshell. . .\nRachel Green: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, um, have you told your parents?\nDuncan: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . .\nPhoebe Buffay: Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.\nDuncan: I love you Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously.\nJulie: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.\nRachel Green: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?\nJulie: No Cobb, as in cobb salad.\nRachel Green: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?\nChandler Bing: I'm goin' home.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?\nRoss Geller: Goodnight.\nRachel Green: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not still planning on. . .\nRoss Geller: Oh, no no, I am.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous?\nRoss Geller: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.\nRachel Green: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you gonna handle it. I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna pounce?\nRoss Geller: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens.\nRachel Green: OK, gook luck.\nRoss Geller: Wha, uhh, what?\nRachel Green: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.\nRoss Geller: OK, now I'm nervous.\nRachel Green: Maybe you should put it off.\nRoss Geller: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.\nRachel Green: I know, yeah, sorry.\nRoss Geller: What, it's not your fault.\nRachel Green: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nRachel Green: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull me really close to you so that, so that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind of sweaty and uh, and blurry, and then it's just happening.\nRoss Geller: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight.\nRachel Green: Ohh, God.\nRoss Geller: Good morning.\nOld Woman: Well, somebody got some last night.\nRoss Geller: Twice."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Man, I sure miss Julie.\nChandler Bing: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there.\nRoss Geller: You ever figure out what that thing's for?\nChandler Bing: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.\nJade: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?\nChandler Bing: What?\nJade: I got a little drunk...and naked.\nChandler Bing: Bob here.\nChandler Bing: What've you been up to?\nJade: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.\nChandler Bing: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. I love her.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nChandler Bing: I'm back.\nJade: So, are we gonna get together or what?\nChandler Bing: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?\nJade: Great, I'll see you then.\nChandler Bing: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.\nRoss Geller: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, \"hey, you're not Bob.\"\nChandler Bing: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.\nRoss Geller: Oh my god. You are pure evil.\nChandler Bing: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.\nEveryone: Hi, Julie!\nRachel Green: Hi, Julie.\nChandler Bing: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?\nChandler Bing: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do we need a cake?\nChandler Bing: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.\nRachel Green: Yeah, whoosh!\nChandler Bing: But it's Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nChandler Bing: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.\nRoss Geller: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?\nChandler Bing: You know, I think I might just.\nRachel Green: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I guess I gotta start savin' up for Ross's birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?\nRachel Green: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying \"let's go here, let's go there\". Like we can afford to go here and there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: For Ross.\nRachel Green: For Ross, Ross, Ross.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.\nJoey Tribbiani: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.\nMonica Geller: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, someplace nice. How much do you think I can get for my kidney?\nRoss Geller: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.\nRoss Geller: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.\nChandler Bing: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.\nRoss Geller: Go over there and tell that woman the truth.\nChandler Bing: All right.\nRoss Geller: Go.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nJade: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.\nJade: Yes?\nChandler Bing: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.\nJade: How did you-?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?\nJade: Thanks.\nChandler Bing: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef-\nMonica Geller: Who is also in charge of purchasing.\nRoss Geller: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing-\nMonica Geller: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.\nRoss Geller: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister-\nMonica Geller: Oh, wait, and I got a beeper!\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's see!\nRoss Geller: That's fine, I'll just wait!\nMonica Geller: Oh, sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry, sorry.\nRoss Geller: Monica!\nWaiter: Are we ready to order?\nRachel Green: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet.\nWaiter: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, look at these prices.\nRachel Green: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are these, like famous chickens?\nChandler Bing: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?\nRoss Geller: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?\nChandler Bing: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.\nRoss Geller: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls?\nWaiter: Do I dare ask?\nMonica Geller: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.\nRoss Geller: That sounds great. Same for me.\nWaiter: And for the gentleman?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper?\nWaiter: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?\nRachel Green: Ok, I will have the uh, side salad.\nWaiter: And what will that be on the side of?\nRachel Green: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?\nWaiter: And for you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care.\nChandler Bing: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.\nWaiter: Anything else?\nChandler Bing: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?\nRoss Geller: Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks.\nRachel Green: Um, everyone?\nRoss Geller: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay.\nMonica Geller: Oh, thank you!\nRoss Geller: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.\nChandler Bing: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...\nRoss Geller: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not for you.\nMonica Geller: All right, what's goin' on?\nRachel Green: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine. All right, fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You can tell us.\nRoss Geller: Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you.\nMonica Geller: Ok.\nRoss Geller: I hear ya.\nChandler Bing: We can talk about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, then...Let's.\nRoss Geller: I, I just never think of money as an issue.\nRachel Green: That's 'cause you have it.\nRoss Geller: That's a good point.\nChandler Bing: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.\nRoss Geller: Wha-? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative-there's gonna be a hoopla?\nRachel Green: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing.\nMonica Geller: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift.\nRoss Geller: G-gift? The thing's not the gift?\nChandler Bing: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.\nRoss Geller: Hootie and the-oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.\nRoss Geller: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together.\nMonica Geller: All of us.\nChandler Bing: Together.\nRoss Geller: Not at the concert.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?\nChandler Bing: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's like a skit.\nMonica Geller: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Whoo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Cool.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you.\nRoss Geller: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?\nChandler Bing: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.\nRoss Geller: Come on.\nChandler Bing: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!\nMonica Geller: It's on us, all right, so don't worry. It's our treat.\nPhoebe Buffay: So...Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Could you be less enthused?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like-\nMonica Geller: Like?\nJoey Tribbiani: Charity.\nMonica Geller: Charity?\nRoss Geller: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here.\nRachel Green: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big.\nPhoebe Buffay: Actually, it makes us feel that big.\nRoss Geller: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys.\nChandler Bing: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel.\nRachel Green: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.\nRachel Green: Me neither.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too.\nMonica Geller: Guys, we bought the tickets.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.\nChandler Bing: Why did you look at me when you said that?\nMonica Geller: Well, I guess now we can't go.\nRachel Green: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together?\nMonica Geller: You know what? You're right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine.\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine.\nChandler Bing: Fine.\nRachel Green: Fine.\nMonica Geller: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.\nRoss Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Geez! Are you ready?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.\nRoss Geller: Whoa! You had sex today?\nChandler Bing: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.\nRoss Geller: Wow.\nChandler Bing: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.\nRoss Geller: Still doing the screening thing?\nChandler Bing: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.\nMachine: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.\nJade: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.\nChandler Bing: Bob here.\nJade: Oh, hi.\nChandler Bing: So, uh, you met someone, huh?\nJade: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him 2 hours ago.\nChandler Bing: So, uh, how was he?\nJade: Eh.\nChandler Bing: Eh?\nJade: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.\nChandler Bing: Well, that makes me feel so good.\nJade: It was just so awkward and bumpy.\nRoss Geller: Bumpy?\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.\nJade: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?\nMonica Geller: You know what? I'm not gonna be able to enjoy this.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I know, it's my birthday. We all should be here.\nChandler Bing: So, let's go.\nRoss Geller: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.\nMonica Geller: You know, the guys are probably having a great time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on you guys, one more time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. One.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo.\nMonica Geller: That was amazing!\nRoss Geller: Excellent, that was excellent.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe the guys missed this.\nRoss Geller: What guys? Oh, yeah.\nSteven Fisher: Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't you?\nMonica Geller: Do I know you?\nSteven Fisher: You used to be my babysitter.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How've you been?\nSteven Fisher: Good, good, I'm a lawyer now.\nMonica Geller: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight.\nSteven Fisher: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage.\nMonica Geller: Uh, wait, backstage?\nSteven Fisher: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band.\nRoss Geller: Ross.\nChandler Bing: Chandler.\nSteven Fisher: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys.\nRachel Green: Happy birthday.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad?\nMonica Geller: Uh, good.\nRoss Geller: Uh, aside from that, the whole evening was pretty much a bust.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we really missed you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole thing is really stupid.\nPhoebe Buffay: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get-is that a hickey?\nMonica Geller: No, I just, I fell down.\nRachel Green: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?\nMonica Geller: You know, a party, or-\nRachel Green: What party?\nRoss Geller: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.\nJoey Tribbiani: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?\nChandler Bing: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.\nRachel Green: Who gave you that hickey?\nMonica Geller: That would be the work of a Blowfish.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, \"hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck\".\nRoss Geller: Look, don't blame us. You guys coulda been there, you know.\nRachel Green: What, as part of your poor friends outreach program?\nMonica Geller: It's work.\nChandler Bing: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.\nJoey Tribbiani: And we don't work hard?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, hi, it's Monica. I just got a page.\nChandler Bing: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you feel like we hold you back.\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nWaitress: Here's your check. That'll be $4.12.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me get that. You got five bucks?\nMachine: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.\nJade: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night..."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?\nRoss Geller: Let me hold him for a sec. There. Huh? There we are.\nMonica Geller: Maye it's me.\nRoss Geller: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.\nChandler Bing: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.\nRoss Geller: There we go. All better.\nMonica Geller: There's my little boy.\nChandler Bing: Can I uh see something?\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool.\nMonica Geller: He hates me. My nephew hates me.\nRoss Geller: Come on, don't do this.\nMonica Geller: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?\nChandler Bing: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!\nMonica Geller: That is so funny. Let me see that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you ok, Ross?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. What's in this pie?\nMonica Geller: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi-\nRoss Geller: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.\nMonica Geller: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.\nRoss Geller: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.\nMonica Geller: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and-oh my god.\nRoss Geller: Ugh.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god.\nRoss Geller: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.\nMonica Geller: Is your tongue swelling up?\nRoss Geller: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.\nMonica Geller: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is he gonna be ok?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot.\nRoss Geller: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?\nMonica Geller: Jacket now.\nRoss Geller: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.\nChandler Bing: We'll watch him.\nRoss Geller: I don't think tho.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?\nChandler Bing: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.\nRoss Geller: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hat, milk, got it.\nRoss Geller: ??? Thro up a thro thro-a thro thro!\nJoey Tribbiani: Consider it done.\nChandler Bing: You understood that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.\nChandler Bing: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.\nTerry: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?\nRachel Green: What's up?\nTerry: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.\nRachel Green: But what about Phoebe?\nTerry: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.\nTerry: Uh-\nRachel Green: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.\nChandler Bing: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.\nChandler Bing: No, I got him.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, seriously.\nChandler Bing: Oh, seriously you want him?\nCaroline: Hello.\nCaroline: And who is this little cutie pie?\nChandler Bing: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna smell him?\nCaroline: I assume we're talking about the baby now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.\nCaroline: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.\nJoey Tribbiani: What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?\nCaroline: I think it's great you guys are doing this.\nChandler Bing: Well, we are great guys.\nCaroline: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?\nPhoebe Buffay: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.\nRachel Green: Honey, I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.\nRachel Green: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying \"Terry's a jerk!\" That's where that came from.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.\nRachel Green: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.\nTerry: I, I don't know.\nRachel Green: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.\nTerry: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?\nRachel Green: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.\nTerry: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine.\nRachel Green: Done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.\nRachel Green: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.\nRachel Green: Well, but Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. Thank you! La la la la la la la...\nRoss Geller: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.\nDoctor: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.\nMonica Geller: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.\nRoss Geller: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?\nMonica Geller: My brother, the PhD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally.\nDoctor: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.\nRoss Geller: Tho?\nRoss Geller: Ohhh.\nMonica Geller: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nMonica Geller: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!\nChandler Bing: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, look at that talent.\nChandler Bing: Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.\nGirl 1 On Bus: Hey, you. He's just adorable.\nChandler Bing: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.\nGirl 2 On Bus: So what are you guys out doing today?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.\nChandler Bing: You done?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nGirl 1: Oh, there's our stop.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get outta here. This is our stop too.\nGirl 2: You guys live around here too?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.\nChandler Bing: You know it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?\nGirl 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?\nChandler Bing: Oh, sure, they love us over there.\nGirl 2: Where's your baby?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.\nBoth: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!\nMonica Geller: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.\nDoctor: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.\nPhoebe Buffay: ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah. I'm Stephanie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says \"carrot cake\". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?\nStephanie Schiffer: All of them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, so you know D?\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, do you know A minor?\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?\nStephanie Schiffer: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Mine does. Stephanie knows all the chords.\nChandler Bing: Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.\nRachel Green: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central Perk welcome to-\nPhoebe Buffay: Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!\nRachel Green: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer.\nStephanie Schiffer: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. Zachary.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're all invited to bite me!\nTransit Authority Guy: He's here. I'm assuming one of you is the father.\nChandler Bing: That's me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm him.\nChandler Bing: Actually, uh, we're both the father.\nBoth: Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!\nChandler Bing: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh!\nChandler Bing: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.\nChandler Bing: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got a better idea?\nChandler Bing: All right, call it in the air.\nJoey Tribbiani: Heads.\nChandler Bing: Heads it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Whew!\nChandler Bing: We have to assign heads to something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.\nChandler Bing: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi.\nRachel Green: Here. I thought you might be cold.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really, 'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.\nRachel Green: Do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang \"Su-Su-Suicide\", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, \"Smelly Cat\", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.\nRachel Green: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.\nRachel Green: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for \"Smelly Cat\".\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? From who?\nRachel Green: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.\nKid: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Here you go.\nKid: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it!\nRoss Geller: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.\nMonica Geller: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?\nMonica Geller: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?\nRoss Geller: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?\nMonica Geller: No. But I remember people telling me about it.\nRoss Geller: I hope Ben has a little sister.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?\nMonica Geller: That was you?\nRoss Geller: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.\nMonica Geller: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying.\nChandler Bing: Hey, he's not crying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! There's still pie.\nRoss Geller: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.\nRoss Geller: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus-Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?\nChandler Bing: You, you are gonna love this.\nRoss Geller: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. Come here.\nChandler Bing: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!\nStephanie Schiffer: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's \"smelly cat, smel-ly cat\".\nStephanie Schiffer: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...\nPhoebe Buffay: Better. Yeah.\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, much better. And you know what, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: You wanna try it again?\nStephanie Schiffer: Yeah. From the top?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?\nStephanie Schiffer: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mmmm hmmm.\nTogether: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's too much. Sorry."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?\nRachel Green: So, how was the party?\nChandler Bing: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.\nChandler Bing: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not wieght... y'know, more like insulation.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.\nMonica Geller: Please.\nEveryone: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.\nPhoebe Buffay: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. Oh, can't make... hands... meet...\nChandler Bing: OK, let's do it. What?\nMonica Geller: Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.\nChandler Bing: And we're changing.\nMonica Geller: C'mon give me five more. Five more.\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: Five more and I'll flash you.\nChandler Bing: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.\nChandler Bing: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. . She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.\nRachel Green: Hey Phoebs, how'd it go with Scott last night?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restraunt, ordered champagne, nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: The guy still won't put out, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope. Zilch, nothin', uh-uh.\nEveryone: Sorry Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow, I like him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really sweet and why won't he give it up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, whad'ya mean? He's not British.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe he's. . . gay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.\nRachel Green: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I felt it on my hip. You could tell.\nMonica Geller: Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.\nChandler Bing: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.\nRachel Green: What? C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?\nRachel Green: Yeah, Monica's settin' me up.\nJoey Tribbiani: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?\nRachel Green: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.\nChandler Bing: So you really OK about all this?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.\nRoss Geller: Hi guys.\nEveryone: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?\nMonica Geller: Only if you say his full name.\nRoss Geller: Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.\nMonica Geller: Alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're getting a cat?\nRoss Geller: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.\nRachel Green: Together?\nRoss Geller: Uh huh.\nRachel Green: Both of you?\nRoss Geller: Yep.\nRachel Green: Together.\nJulie: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.\nRachel Green: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.\nRoss Geller: Hopefully.\nRachel Green: Well. Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.\nMichael: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.\nRachel Green: How long do cats live?\nMichael: I'm sorry?\nRachel Green: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't... y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?\nMichael: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.\nRachel Green: That's just great.\nMichael: Um, cheers.\nRachel Green: Oh, right, clink.\nMichael: Monica told you I was cuter that this, didn't she?\nRachel Green: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.\nMichael: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.\nRachel Green: I mean he just started going out with her.\nMichael: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?\nRachel Green: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.\nMichael: Alright.\nRachel Green: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I figured it out.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, \"Excellent butt, great rack.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended but, sweet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're right, you're right. Ah, you are so yumm.\nRachel Green: I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?\nMichael: Fruitflies?\nRachel Green: Yes! Thank you.\nWaiter: So, would you like any dessert?\nMichael: No! No dessert, just a check, please.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?\nMichael: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.\nRachel Green: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?\nMichael: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.\nRachel Green: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?\nMichael: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, \"I'm over you.\"\nRachel Green: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo\nGuy: Hang on.\nRachel Green: Hello, excuse me.\nGuy: What.\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.\nGuy: I'm talkin'!\nRachel Green: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.\nGuy: Alright, fine. I'll call you back.\nRachel Green: Thank you. OK. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.\nMichael: Good.\nRachel Green: Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure.\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, no, no, no No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.\nMonica Geller: OK, if you say stop, then we stop.\nChandler Bing: OK, stop.\nMonica Geller: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo Woo.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach.\nRachel Green: Ahhhh.\nRoss Geller: Oh. And how was the date?\nRachel Green: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . .\nRoss Geller: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that?\nRachel Green: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember.\nRoss Geller: OK. Oh, oh, oh.\nRachel Green: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?\nRoss Geller: No, I stayed at Julie's last night.\nRachel Green: Huh.\nRoss Geller: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, go ahead.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I got a message from you. Who's Michael?\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . .\nRoss Geller: You're over me?\nRachel Green: Ohhhhhhhh God.\nRoss Geller: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?\nRachel Green: Ohh, ohh.\nRoss Geller: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What?\nRachel Green: Ohh, OK, OK, OK, well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.\nRoss Geller: You've had feelings for me?\nRachel Green: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first.\nRoss Geller: Woah. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had... you know?\nRachel Green: Chandler told me.\nRoss Geller: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?\nRachel Green: When you were in China.\nRoss Geller: China.\nRachel Green: Meeting Julie.\nRoss Geller: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. OK, I need to lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. OK so you uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me?\nRachel Green: Are you over me?\nRoss Geller: That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. Hi Julie.\nJulie: Hi honey, I've got a cab waiting.\nRoss Geller: I'll be right down.\nRachel Green: Wait, so, you're going?\nRoss Geller: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.\nRachel Green: OK, OK.\nRoss Geller: Cat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't find the remote. Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch today and I did.\nJoey Tribbiani: And?\nPhoebe Buffay: And we did.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right Phoebs, way to go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay me.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, so how did it happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.\nJoey Tribbiani: And what did he say?\nPhoebe Buffay: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, so I said, \"OK, relax please,\" y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-hum.\nJoey Tribbiani: This man is my God.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: I didn't get a cat.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's um, interesting.\nRoss Geller: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.\nRachel Green: Alright, I got it Ross.\nRoss Geller: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.\nRachel Green: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?\nRoss Geller: Then you should have said something before I met her.\nRachel Green: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me.\nRoss Geller: There was never a good time.\nRachel Green: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night.\nRoss Geller: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.\nRachel Green: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do you even have a point?\nRoss Geller: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.\nRachel Green: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.\nRachel Green: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nRachel Green: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.\nRoss Geller: Good.\nRachel Green: Good.\nRachel Green: And ya know what, now I've got closure.\nRoss Geller: Try the bottom one.\nChandler Bing: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over.\nMonica Geller: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'.\nChandler Bing: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.\nMonica Geller: Well, thanks.\nChandler Bing: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.\nMonica Geller: Well, you know.\nChandler Bing: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.\nMonica Geller: Well no, but um.\nChandler Bing: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . .\nChandler Bing: So, you feel like goin' for a run?\nMonica Geller: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here.\nMonica Geller: OK. Just for a little while.\nChandler Bing: OK."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Ross kissed me.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!\nRachel Green: It was unbelievable!\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?\nRachel Green: Oh, it ended very well.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Do not start without me. Do not start without me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a \"I gotta have you now\" kind of thing?\nRachel Green: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?\nRachel Green: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.\nRoss Geller: And, uh, and then I kissed her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tongue?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool.\nChandler Bing: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?\nChandler Bing: Games and stuff.\nMonica Geller: There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?\nMonica Geller: There's an ad for a naked chef?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then...\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night?\nRoss Geller: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got all that from saline solution?\nMonica Geller: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... ... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hey, you.\nRoss Geller: How are you?\nRachel Green: Good. How are you?\nRoss Geller: Good.\nJulie: Hi, honey.\nRoss Geller: Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you?\nJulie: Good.\nRoss Geller: Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, actually.\nRoss Geller: Play it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, all right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.\nJulie: What?\nRoss Geller: Ssshh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, \"Two of Them Kissed Last Night\".\nPhoebe Buffay: There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!\nMr. Ratstatter: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.\nMonica Geller: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.\nMr. Ratstatter: Mockolate.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry?\nMr. Ratstatter: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.\nMonica Geller: Ohh.\nMr. Ratstatter: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.\nMonica Geller: All right. Mmm-mmm.\nMr. Ratstatter: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.\nMr. Ratstatter: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.\nMonica Geller: Mmm-mmm.\nMr. Ratstatter: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.\nMonica Geller: Wow.\nMr. Ratstatter: Aren't you going to swallow that?\nMonica Geller: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.\nMr. Ratstatter: Yeah, isn't that great?\nMonica Geller: Mmm.\nMr. Ratstatter: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested?\nMonica Geller: Abso... ...lutely. See, I love creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well, now, I love Mockolate.\nMr. Ratstatter: Really?\nMonica Geller: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.\nMonica Geller: How about Mockolate mousse?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.\nMonica Geller: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?\nPhoebe Buffay: What makes it pilgrim?\nMonica Geller: We'll put buckles on it.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Did uh, Ross call?\nMonica Geller: No, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, \"Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.\nRoss Geller: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, here's a thought, Ross.\nChandler Bing: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome.\nChandler Bing: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.\nRoss Geller: Can't we just use a pen?\nChandler Bing: No, Amish boy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.\nRoss Geller: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.\nJoey Tribbiani: You could say that.\nRoss Geller: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress.\nChandler Bing: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom? Or we could keep doing this. What else?\nRoss Geller: I don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.\nChandler Bing: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?\nRoss Geller: She's not Rachel.\nMonica Geller: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.\nRachel Green: Oh my god.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god good?\nRachel Green: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!\nChandler Bing: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart?\nRoss Geller: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.\nChandler Bing: So, Spock actually hugs his father?\nRachel Green: Hey, do you guys have... ...hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Where you goin'?\nRoss Geller: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.\nRachel Green: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?\nRoss Geller: Well, uh.\nJoey Tribbiani: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Really. It's always been you, Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh, god.\nRachel Green: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.\nRoss Geller: I know, I know, it's, it's almost... What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?\nRachel Green: Let me get my coat.\nRoss Geller: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat.\nRachel Green: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. What's that?\nChandler Bing: What? Nothing.\nRachel Green: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?\nChandler Bing: No, no, see? See? Hey, it's printing. Hey, it's printing!\nRachel Green: Well what is it? Let me see.\nRoss Geller: Hey, someone order a coat?\nRachel Green: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.\nRoss Geller: He won't? He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.\nRachel Green: And I'm in it? Then let me read it.\nRachel Green: Come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?\nChandler Bing: Alright. \"It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end.\"\nRoss Geller: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.\nRachel Green: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it.\nRoss Geller: No, you don't.\nRachel Green: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it.\nRachel Green: What is this? Ross, what is this?\nChandler Bing: Good luck.\nRoss Geller: Ok, just, just remember how crazy I am about you, ok?\nRachel Green: Kind of ditzy? Too into her looks? Spoiled?\nRoss Geller: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type \"little\", the idiot.\nRachel Green: Just a waitress?\nRoss Geller: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach?\nRachel Green: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles!\nRoss Geller: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.\nRachel Green: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.\nRoss Geller: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra-Rachel?\nChandler Bing: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.\nMonica Geller: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.\nPhoebe Buffay: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.\nMonica Geller: This was your idea?\nPhoebe Buffay: What were you thinking?\nChandler Bing: All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. You!\nChandler Bing: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.\nRoss Geller: Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!\nRachel Green: When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.\nRoss Geller: I just wanna read something. It's your pro list.\nRachel Green: Not interested.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.\nRoss Geller: Number six: the way you smell.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Ross! What are you doin'?\nRoss Geller: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, I do.\nChandler Bing: What are you doing out there?\nRoss Geller: I am, uh, I am...\nMonica Geller: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate?\nRoss Geller: Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, Rach. You got to give me another chance.\nRachel Green: No.\nRoss Geller: No?\nRachel Green: That's what I said.\nChandler Bing: Look, maybe we should go?\nRachel Green: No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're done talking.\nRoss Geller: Rach, come on, look, I know how you must feel.\nRachel Green: No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.\nRoss Geller: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. I said don't go!\nRoss Geller: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.\nRachel Green: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.\nJoey Tribbiani: I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? Maybe a little longer.\nMonica Geller: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.\nMr. Ratstatter: Doesn't matter.\nMonica Geller: What?\nMr. Ratstatter: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats.\nMonica Geller: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.\nMr. Ratstatter: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?\nMonica Geller: Well, uh, I ate some.\nMr. Ratstatter: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.\nMonica Geller: Listen, I... I don't think this is the best time.\nRoss Geller: Look, can, can you do something for me?\nMonica Geller: Sure, what? Ok, ok. Music?\nRadio: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him.\nRadio: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.\nMr. Ratstatter: Hi, thanks for coming in again.\nMonica Geller: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.\nMr. Ratstatter: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called \"fishtachios\". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?\nMonica Geller: Cat hair.\nMr. Ratstatter: Oh, sorry."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.\nMonica Geller: Oh, actually this year we just made him homemade cookies.\nChandler Bing: And twenty-five it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: You gave him cookies?\nMonica Geller: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but cookies do say that.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.\nChandler Bing: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?\nPhoebe Buffay: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.\nRoss Geller: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?\nRachel Green: Uhh, the mailman, the super.\nMonica Geller: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.\nRachel Green: Ooh, goooosh, ooh, these are cookies smashed in the sports section.\nMonica Geller: Oh look, and he did my crossword puzzle.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is bitemebitemebitemebiteme.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.\nChandler Bing: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. . . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .\nRachel Green: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?\nRoss Geller: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?\nGunther: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Here, go nuts.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nChandler Bing: What's in the bag?\nRoss Geller: Um, just some presents.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.\nRoss Geller: OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.\nMonica Geller: Cute.\nRoss Geller: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.\nMonica Geller: Ross, that is gorgeous!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nGang: Hey. Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. Oh my God, where did you get this?\nRoss Geller: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.\nChandler Bing: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.\nPhoebe Buffay: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.\nRachel Green: How have you never been on Oprah?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.\nMonica Geller: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a collie.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother.\nMonica Geller: Oh, wait a minute honey.\nGang: Phoebs.\nMonica Geller: Wow.\nJoey Tribbiani: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me. . .\nGang: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!\nGrandmother: Esther Livingston. Gone.\nGrandmother: Hi, Phoe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?\nGrandmother: Oh, just updating the phonebook.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?\nGrandmother: Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, how come?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just, you know, to see... um.\nGrandmother: Oh, sure, yeah. This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, is this really my father?\nGrandmother: Is it really your fa-I can't... well of course it is.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.\nGrandmother: Look, I. . .\nPhoebe Buffay: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.\nGrandmother: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God.\nGrandmother: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?\nGrandmother: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?\nGrandmother: Honey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nGrandmother: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. This is the real him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.\nRachel Green: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.\nChandler Bing: Who said anything about Christmas?\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?\nRachel Green: No, nothin'.\nMonica Geller: I hope she's OK.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.\nMonica Geller: How do you know exactly what she's going through?\nJoey Tribbiani: She told us.\nChandler Bing: So whaddya got there Monica?\nMonica Geller: Just some stuff for the party.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?\nMonica Geller: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do?\nChandler Bing: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?\nRachel Green: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent.\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me.\nRachel Green: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . .\nRoss Geller: C'mon Rachel.\nRachel Green: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.\nRoss Geller: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information.\nGrandmother: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name.\nGrandmother: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math.\nGrandmother: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.\nPhoebe Buffay: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know.\nGrandmother: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whattaya mean?\nGrandmother: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. Thank you.\nGrandmother: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! Commercial\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe here with the cab yet?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.\nChandler Bing: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, here she comes.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.\nChandler Bing: Eeeshk.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, big stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, let's go.\nChandler Bing: OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, here, you have to hold this.\nChandler Bing: OK. Brake left, gas right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.\nChandler Bing: Where's my seat belt?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, just tell me, please, please.\nMonica Geller: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not think you're obsessive.\nRachel Green: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.\nMonica Geller: Rach, get the heat. Ross, could you turn the heat down please?\nRoss Geller: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and. . .\nMonica Geller: Ross, the heat!\nRoss Geller: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. OK, this way is on, so this is. . . off.\nRachel Green: Did you just break the radiator?\nRoss Geller: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.\nMonica Geller: Well put it back.\nRoss Geller: It uhh, it won't go back.\nRachel Green: I'll call the super.\nMonica Geller: Here, let me try.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.\nMonica Geller: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny.\nRachel Green: Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? Wha t, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.\nRoss Geller: OK, tip the man.\nMonica Geller: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.\nRoss Geller: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like bacon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is it, 74.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so that's what this is for.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure is.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.\nChandler Bing: Alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'.\nRachel Green: Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.\nRoss Geller: It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?\nMonica Geller: Ice, ice, ice squares anyone? Take a napkin. Alright.\nRoss Geller: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, OK.\nMonica Geller: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next.\nRachel Green: Mr. Treeger.\nMr. Treeger: Uhh, you said there was a party.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.\nMr. Treeger: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool, probably 'cause I have so much skin. Hey, cheese!\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything.\nMonica Geller: No, I will not cave.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm with Mon.\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas.\nMr. Treeger: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's five back.\nRoss Geller: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright. Oh, hey, do you think there's a chance you could fix that radiator now?\nMr. Treeger: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.\nMonica Geller: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Looks like he's playin' baseball.\nRoss Geller: You mean hardball?\nMonica Geller: Whatever.\nRachel Green: What'cha gonna' do?\nRoss Geller: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?\nMr. Treeger: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.\nMonica Geller: So, wait, you really did like my cookies?\nMr. Treeger: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.\nRachel Green: Nice seizing. . . gel boy.\nMr. Treeger: So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?\nRachel Green: Huh-huh, no act-no, uhh, that, that is basil.\nMr. Treeger: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss ya.\nRachel Green: Huh-hoo, yeah, no, it's still basil.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK.\nJoey Tribbiani: How far'd ya get?\nPhoebe Buffay: Mailbox.\nChandler Bing: Alright, we're gettin' closer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebs, what's goin' on?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.\nChandler Bing: Well, so why not go knock?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebs, that's OK. You took a big step today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.\nChandler Bing: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?\nMonica Geller: Hey, we could have used that kind of thinkin' earlier.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Phoebs, how'd it go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I couldn't go in.\nMonica Geller: Honey, I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Are you OK?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.\nChandler Bing: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, these are for you.\nRachel Green: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.\nChandler Bing: OK, Phoebs, your turn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guuuyys.\nJoey Tribbiani: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.\nRoss Geller: You got me a cola drink?\nChandler Bing: And, a lemon lime.\nRoss Geller: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.\nChandler Bing: And last but not least.\nJoey Tribbiani: They're ribbed for your pleasure."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.\nRoss Geller: Hiiiiii.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are... are you OK?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th-Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?\nMonica Geller: Maybe.\nRoss Geller: Don't toy with me.\nBobby Rush: Geller!\nRoss Geller: Hey, Fun Bobby!\nBobby Rush: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, huh?\nRoss Geller: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!\nMonica Geller: You and me both.\nBobby Rush: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, c'mon?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.\nBobby Rush: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm alright man. Really.\nBobby Rush: No, I'm picking you up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... Alright! It still works.\nBobby Rush: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? I'm still gonna go.\nMonica Geller: OK, I'll see you later babe.\nBobby Rush: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes.\nBobby Rush: See ya.\nEveryone: Bye! See you later!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fun Bobby is so great.\nMonica Geller: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.\nPhoebe Buffay: Half full of looooovvvvve.\nMonica Geller: And for our two-week anniversary, he's gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for the weekend.\nPhoebe Buffay: Cabin of loooooovvvvve.\nRachel Green: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys.\nMonica Geller: Really? I only had two glasses.\nJoey Tribbiani: I just had a glass.\nPhoebe Buffay: Two.\nRachel Green: I had one glass.\nChandler Bing: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.\nRachel Green: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?\nRoss Geller: Oooooh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooooooh.\nMonica Geller: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.\nRoss Geller: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?\nMonica Geller: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.\nMonica Geller: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?\nRachel Green: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.\nMonica Geller: Mmmm, no.\nRachel Green: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some.\nBobby Rush: Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, cake.\nRachel Green: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake.\nMonica Geller: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.\nBobby Rush: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.\nMonica Geller: Bobby.\nBobby Rush: Yeah, OK.\nMonica Geller: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know... but, uh, I'm kind of worried about you.\nBobby Rush: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'\nMonica Geller: So, what are you saying now?\nBobby Rush: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?\nBobby Rush: I am gonna try and quit drinking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooohh, why?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Guess who's back in show business.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green?\nChandler Bing: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no.\nChandler Bing: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.\nChandler Bing: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all gonna do something tonight.\nRachel Green: Ummmm... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.\nMonica Geller: You have other friends?\nRachel Green: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.\nMonica Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: With a man?\nRachel Green: What? What is so strange about me having a date?\nJoey Tribbiani: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?\nRachel Green: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really anything at him anymore.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not.\nPhoebe Buffay: But you guys came so close.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross.\nRachel Green: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.\nRuss: Hhhhiiiii.\nEstelle Leonard: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.\nEstelle Leonard: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, how was the audition?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.\nEstelle Leonard: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nEstelle Leonard: Well, here it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK, uh... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...\nEstelle Leonard: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.\nEstelle Leonard: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. Yeah, hi, Lori please. Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? Uh-huuuuh. Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.\nRachel Green: What's the matter?\nMonica Geller: It's Fun Bobby.\nRachel Green: What, isn't he sober?\nMonica Geller: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.\nRachel Green: Ohhh, OK.\nMonica Geller: Alright, here you go, sweetie.\nBobby Rush: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?\nMonica Geller: Oh God, yes!\nBobby Rush: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is funny.\nBobby Rush: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.\nMonica Geller: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?\nBobby Rush: Oh yeah. See you guys.\nChandler Bing: Bye... ridiculously dull Bobby.\nMonica Geller: Oh... my... God.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not that bad.\nMonica Geller: Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer story?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.\nRachel Green: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you have to be there.\nMonica Geller: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life. I mean, I can't break up with him. I'm the one who made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set it free.\nRuss: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey Ross... bahhhh!\nRachel Green: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean and then we'll go, OK?\nRuss: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your, uh... friend-type...people.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel? Um, hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?\nRachel Green: Uhh... waitressing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't... doesn't Russ just remind you of someone?\nRachel Green: Huh, Bob Saget?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh, oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my, oh!\nRoss Geller: What? What's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: I, OK...\nMonica Geller: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.\nRoss Geller: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.\nRuss: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRuss: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?\nRuss: Actually, I'm a... kind of a... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.\nRoss Geller: A date.\nRuss: Yeah, I'm her date.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh you're the date.\nChandler Bing: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.\nRuss: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes I am. And you are a...\nRuss: Periodontist.\nMonica Geller: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.\nRoss Geller: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.\nRuss: Ditto.\nRoss Geller: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.\nRachel Green: Well, we're not seeing each other, so...\nRoss Geller: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...\nRachel Green: Well, yeah, this is the deal.\nRoss Geller: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.\nRachel Green: Um, Russ, you ready?\nRuss: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Bye.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye.\nRoss Geller: She's dating. She's dating.\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes, but did you see who she was dating?\nRoss Geller: What do you mean?\nMonica Geller: Do you not see it?\nRoss Geller: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello... a... week, to get out a sentence.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?\nRoss Geller: ...Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was hungry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the part's mine if I want it.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.\nChandler Bing: Oh my... God?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.\nChandler Bing: So, what're you gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?\nChandler Bing: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I've never slept with someone for a part.\nChandler Bing: Well is she...\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry.\nChandler Bing: It's alright. Is she good-looking?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. You know, after having slept with her.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.\nJoey Tribbiani: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.\nChandler Bing: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.\nWaiter: Can I get you something from the bar?\nMonica Geller: Yes, I would like something. No, no thank you.\nBobby Rush: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, I've got to get used to it.\nMonica Geller: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. Just some water.\nBobby Rush: So the light went out in my refrigerator...\nMonica Geller: I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.\nChandler Bing: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in ium.\nRuss: Dysprosium.\nRoss Geller: Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.\nChandler Bing: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't see it? You actually don't see it?\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK honey, you're dating Ross.\nRachel Green: No, Phoebs. I'm dating Russ.\nPhoebe Buffay: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross!\nRachel Green: Steve... sleeve!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, noone is named Sleeve.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.\nRoss Geller: For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.\nRuss: You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful.\nChandler Bing: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins.\nRuss: I know what your problem is.\nRoss Geller: Oh you do, do you?\nRuss: Um-hum, you're jealous.\nRoss Geller: Of... of what?\nRuss: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.\nRuss: Hey, you listen.\nRoss Geller: No, no, let me finish.\nRuss: No, let me finish.\nRoss Geller: No, you let me fini...\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRuss: Hi.\nRachel Green: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww!\nRachel Green: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?\nChandler Bing: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?\nChandler Bing: Me.\nRachel Green: Why would I have to sleep with you?\nChandler Bing: It's my game. You want the job or not?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Morning.\nRoss Geller: Where ya goin'?\nMonica Geller: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, remember?\nRoss Geller: Ooooohhhh.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's with all the bottles of liquor?\nRoss Geller: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?\nMonica Geller: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.\nRachel Green: Oh God, even his knock is boring.\nMonica Geller: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.\nBobby Rush: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?\nMonica Geller: Sure.\nBobby Rush: This is really hard for me to say.\nMonica Geller: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.\nBobby Rush: Oh, no, no, it's about you.\nMonica Geller: What about me?\nBobby Rush: I think you may have a drinking problem.\nMonica Geller: What these? Oh, these are, um, for.. cuts and scrapes.\nBobby Rush: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?\nMonica Geller: Oh... shoot.\nBobby Rush: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.\nMonica Geller: OK.\nMonica Geller: Take care.\nBobby Rush: You too.\nRachel Green: What happened?\nMonica Geller: Well we... we kinda broke up.\nGang: Awwwwwwww.\nMonica Geller: Does anybody want these?\nChandler Bing: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nGang: Hey!\nRoss Geller: How'd the callback go?\nJoey Tribbiani: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.\nChandler Bing: So what'd you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.\nRoss Geller: Good for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.\nPhoebe Buffay: So... and?\nJoey Tribbiani: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!\nGang: Allright!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright... I've got to go shower.\nRuss: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Oh, hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nRuss: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm sorry man.\nRuss: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I do, it's... it's Bob Saget. She hates him.\nRuss: Oh.\nJulie: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing?\nJulie: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um..."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Ok. Here's his diaper bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, and uh...oh, him. Hi!\nCarol Willick: So how did everything go?\nRoss Geller: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile, uh, throwing up incident, but he started it.\nCarol Willick: Well, we've gotta go.\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nSusan Bunch: \nCarol Willick: Oh, right. Um, I've got some news. It's about us.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you and me?\nCarol Willick: Uh, no, Susan and me.\nSusan Bunch: The other us.\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nCarol Willick: We're uh, we're getting married.\nRoss Geller: As in, \"I now pronounce you wife and wife\" married?\nCarol Willick: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.\nRoss Geller: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.\nCarol Willick: Look I just thought that...\nRoss Geller: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!\nSusan Bunch: Is your finger caught in that chair?\nRoss Geller: Mmm hmmm.\nCarol Willick: Want us to go?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: This is so cool. You're actually gonna be on television.\nJoey Tribbiani: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..\nMonica Geller: Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a full body cast.\nMonica Geller: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?\nRoss Geller: Would it matter?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you are so great! Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you really not going?\nRoss Geller: I am really not going. I don't get it. They already live together, why do they need to get married?\nMonica Geller: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.\nRoss Geller: If you wanna call that a reason.\nChandler Bing: Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.\nMonica Geller: Ross, I thought you were over this.\nRoss Geller: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.\nRachel Green: Did I miss it? Did I miss it?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.\nChandler Bing: Whoa, she's pretty.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, what?\nMonica Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.\nChandler Bing: Oh, ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's my scene, there's my scene. \"Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.\nMrs. Wallace: Is she gonna be all right?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial hematoma. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.\nChandler Bing: Nice!\nRachel Green: That's great!\nRoss Geller: Excellent!\nChandler Bing: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.\nRoss Geller: That is so good! Do it again!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right. \"Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!\"\nChandler Bing: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.\nRoss Geller: No no, that's me.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...\nRoss Geller: Is everything ok?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.\nRoss Geller: Oh my god.\nChandler Bing: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name was um, Mrs. Adelman.\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, \"ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage.\" Little did she know God was thinking, \"Ok, but that's it.\" Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.\nRachel Green: What do you mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think it went into me.\nMonica Geller: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.\nChandler Bing: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.\nRachel Green: Ok, who ordered what?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I believe I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?\nRachel Green: Oh god.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom comin'.\nRachel Green: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this lady'll be with us?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. Sit up!\nSandra Green: There she is.\nRachel Green: Mom!\nSandra Green: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.\nRachel Green: Pretty much.\nSandra Green: Monica! You look gorgeous! Last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.\nRachel Green: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is Chandler, and you remember Ross.\nSandra Green: Oh hello, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hi, Mrs. Green.\nSandra Green: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?\nRachel Green: Oh Mom!\nSandra Green: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.\nChandler Bing: Believe me, sometimes that happens.\nSandra Green: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.\nRachel Green: Really?\nSandra Green: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, who's Evelyn Dermer?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales?\nSandra Green: Oh my god, there's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.\nSandra Green: You have some life here, sweetie.\nRachel Green: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?\nSandra Green: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've never seen you this happy. I look at you and I think, oh, this is what I want.\nRachel Green: For...me.\nSandra Green: Well, not just for you.\nRachel Green: Well, what do you mean?\nSandra Green: I'm uh, considering leaving your father.\nMonica Geller: All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.\nRachel Green: Oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick.\nMonica Geller: Why? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them.\nRoss Geller: And you had no idea they weren't getting along?\nRachel Green: None.\nJoey Tribbiani: They didn't fight a lot?\nRachel Green: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?\nPhoebe Buffay: In my day, divorce was not an option.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, look who's up.\nRachel Green: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.\nMonica Geller: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.\nRachel Green: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?\nChandler Bing: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's him.\nChandler Bing: Damn. My mail order grandfather hasn't come yet.\nMr. Adelman: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for meeting me.\nMr. Adelman: Oh, that's all right, although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, do you wanna sit?\nMr. Adelman: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.\nMr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?\nMr. Adelman: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Everything?\nMr. Adelman: Everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.\nMr. Adelman: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head.\nMr. Adelman: Worth a shot, huh?\nSandra Green: Look at this.\nRachel Green: These are from Halloween three years ago.\nSandra Green: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?\nRachel Green: No, that was his costume. See, he's actually an orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist.\nMonica Geller: Um, you guys, you know when I said before, \"thank you, but I don't really need your help\"?\nRachel Green: Actually, what I think you said was, \"don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen.\"\nMonica Geller: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.\nRachel Green: Hey, Mon, you want some help?\nMonica Geller: If you want.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.\nRachel Green: She's still with you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. Oh, such a pretty face.\nSandra Green: This is so much fun, just the girls. You know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?\nRachel Green: God!\nMonica Geller: All right, look, nobody's smoking pot around all this food.\nSandra Green: That's fine. I never did it. I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?\nRachel Green: Oh! What's new in sex?\nSandra Green: The only man I've ever been with is your father.\nMonica Geller: I'm dicing, I'm dicing, I don't hear anything.\nSandra Green: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? I cannot have this conversation with you. I mean, god, you just come in here, and drop this bomb on me, before you even tell Daddy. What? What do you want? Do you want my blessing?\nSandra Green: No.\nRachel Green: You want me to talk you out of it?\nSandra Green: No.\nRachel Green: Then what? What do you want?\nSandra Green: I guess I just figured of all people you would understand this.\nRachel Green: Why on earth would I understand this?\nSandra Green: You didn't marry your Barry. I did.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMonica Geller: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!\nChandler Bing: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.\nMonica Geller: Joey, speed it up!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the blankets!\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, how did this happen? I thought you had this all planned out.\nMonica Geller: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sir! No sir!\nMonica Geller: All right, you!\nRoss Geller: No. Look, I told you I am not a part of this thing.\nMonica Geller: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called \"pigs in Ross\". All right, ball the melon.\nChandler Bing: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nCarol Willick: How's it going?\nMonica Geller: It's goin' great. Right on schedule. Got my little happy helpers.\nCarol Willick: Fine, whatever.\nRoss Geller: What's the matter?\nCarol Willick: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: You're still gonna pay me, right? Or something a little less selfish.\nRoss Geller: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?\nCarol Willick: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.\nRoss Geller: Oh my god.\nCarol Willick: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.\nRoss Geller: It's ok. I'm sorry.\nCarol Willick: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.\nRoss Geller: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.\nCarol Willick: You do?\nRoss Geller: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to be too emphatic about this.\nCarol Willick: Of course I do.\nRoss Geller: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.\nCarol Willick: You're right. Of course you're right.\nMonica Geller: So we're back on?\nCarol Willick: We're back on.\nMonica Geller: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost 2 minutes.\nJoey Tribbiani: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.\nChandler Bing: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Butterscotch? No one? All right, you'll be sorry later.\nCarol Willick: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Any time.\nCarol Willick: Ross.\nMinister: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god. Now I've seen everything! Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.\nMonica Geller: Would you look at them?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, can't help but.\nJoey Tribbiani: How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? I wrapped those bad boys.\nPhoebe Buffay: I miss Rose.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.\nWoman: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, that's so nice.\nChandler Bing: I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right?\nRachel Green: Hey, Mom? Having fun?\nSandra Green: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.\nRachel Green: There's more alcohol, right?\nSusan Bunch: How you doin'?\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nSusan Bunch: You did a good thing today.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nSusan Bunch: You wanna dance?\nRoss Geller: No, that's fine.\nSusan Bunch: Come on. I'll let you lead.\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nChandler Bing: All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people.\nMonica Geller: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?\nRoss Geller: Well, Mon, I was married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, me, too, technically.\nRachel Green: I had a wedding.\nMonica Geller: All right, just trying to start an interesting discussion.\nJoey Tribbiani: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married?\nChandler Bing: Isn't Ben in this?\nEveryone: Oh, yeah!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: That commercial always makes me so sad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.\nRoss Geller: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin.\nMonica Geller: And the fact that they're both monkeys.\nRoss Geller: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.\nRoss Geller: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.\nChandler Bing: Rhythm?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, my first fan mail.\nEveryone: Alright!\nMonica Geller: 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'\nRachel Green: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.\nMonica Geller: This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nEveryone: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?\nRoss Geller: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.\nChandler Bing: You know I think he will be surprised, 'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion.\nRachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I know. Hello.\nRob: Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Rob Dohnen.\nRob: I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really, really great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wow.\nRob: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?\nChandler Bing: Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves.\nChandler Bing: Hello.\nErica Ford: It's Erica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, the stalker.\nErica Ford: Never mind, it's open.\nChandler Bing: Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's get out of here.\nChandler Bing: The one time they're not home.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.\nChandler Bing: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's comin'.\nErica Ford: It's me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?\nChandler Bing: Wait, wait, wait.\nErica Ford: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Erica.\nDean Lipson: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.\nRoss Geller: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.\nDean Lipson: Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, what happened?\nDean Lipson: Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then he got a little better but then he died.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this.\nDean Lipson: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.\nRoss Geller: Well, ya know, someone should have called me.\nDean Lipson: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.\nRoss Geller: Zoo dollars?\nDean Lipson: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.\nKids: Ooohhh.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.\nChandler Bing: Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery?\nChandler Bing: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.\nRachel Green: And she's not crazy?\nChandler Bing: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not persue this.\nChandler Bing: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.\nRob: You OK?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.\nRob: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?\nRoss Geller: I was thinkin' about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe\nEveryone: Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes, she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died and some day you will too. La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...\nErica Ford: Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah it is. . . what?\nErica Ford: Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.\nErica Ford: Who's they?\nJoey Tribbiani: No one.\nErica Ford: Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands, oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off.\nErica Ford: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, just one. Wow, you're good at that.\nWaiter: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?\nErica Ford: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.\nJanitor: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.\nRoss Geller: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?\nJanitor: It's about your monkey. It's alive.\nErica Ford: I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.\nErica Ford: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?\nJoey Tribbiani: But that's what...\nErica Ford: I should just be happy to be near you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey I-\nErica Ford: Hey what?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! Hey. He-hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: There'll be times when you get older when you'll want to sleep with people just to make them like you. . . But don't. Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody That's another thing that you don't wanna do.\nMonica Geller: Excellent!\nChandler Bing: Very informative!\nRachel Green: Not at all inappropriate!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.\nRob: That was great, the kids loved you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay, I rock.\nRob: And you know why? Because you told the truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth.You were incredible.\nPhoebe Buffay: But.\nRob: How did you know there was a but?\nPhoebe Buffay: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.\nRob: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can do that.\nRob: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRob: Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Thinkin' about it.\nJanitor: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.\nRoss Geller: Buddy, my monkey?\nJanitor: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.\nJanitor: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?\nRoss Geller: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.\nJanitor: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?\nRoss Geller: That guy Lipson?\nJanitor: Lipson knows. Do you have any idea who else knows?\nRoss Geller: No, I, I only know Lipson.\nJanitor: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...\nRoss Geller: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.\nJanitor: Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.\nRoss Geller: Of course.\nJanitor: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.\nRoss Geller: This is unbelievable.\nJanitor: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?\nRoss Geller: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?\nJanitor: Maybe.\nRoss Geller: But you already told me everything.\nRoss Geller: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.\nRachel Green: Well, so what're you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.\nChandler Bing: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, hi again.\nEveryone: Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo, Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo. Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up, And that's how we get hamburgers. Nooowww, chickens!\nTv Doctor: You're the only one who can save her Drake.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.\nRoss Geller: Well, there goes my whole belief system.\nErica Ford: It's Erica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.\nRachel Green: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.\nRachel Green: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Erica, c'mon in.\nErica Ford: How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in Salem?\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?\nErica Ford: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who?\nErica Ford: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not what you think, that was...\nErica Ford: You told me I was the only one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.\nErica Ford: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Somebody wanna help me out here?\nRachel Green: Oh, I know, I know.\nErica Ford: How, how can you be here and there.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause it's a television show.\nErica Ford: Drake, what're you getting at?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not Drake.\nRoss Geller: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.\nErica Ford: Is this true?\nRachel Green: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me.\nMonica Geller: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't.\nChandler Bing: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard.\nErica Ford: Is all this true?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.\nErica Ford: Oh Hans.\nRoss Geller: Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care\nErica Ford: I'll never forget you Hans.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fired! Why?\nRob: The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?\nRob: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: I see.\nRob: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?\nRob: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who's Barney.\nRoss Geller: Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this, he's healthy, he's happy, and he's right here in New York filming Outbreak II - The Virus Takes Manhattan.\nRachel Green: You're kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is amazing.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, Rachel, I'm ready.\nRachel Green: OK.\nKid: Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is that tells the truth?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, yeah I guess that's me.\nKid: She's here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sometimes men love women, sometimes men love men, and then there are bisexuals, though some just say they're kidding themselves. la la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...\nRoss Geller: This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year.\nChandler Bing: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?\nSecurity Guard: C'mon people, back up please, back up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.\nRoss Geller: Uh, excuse me, uh, where can we find the monkey?\nSecurity Guard: I'm sorry guys, closed set.\nRoss Geller: Uh, I'm sorry, you don't understand, I'm, I'm, I'm a friend of his. We uh, we used to live together.\nSecurity Guard: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.\nMonica Geller: Ross, there he is.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. a-weema-way, a-weema-way..."}
{"text": "Security Guard: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey.\nRoss Geller: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah, dude, burn.\nRoss Geller: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see me yesterday.\nTrainer: Hey don't take it personal, he's under a lot of pressure, ya know, starring in a movie and all.\nRachel Green: Now just how big of a star is Marcel?\nTrainer: In human terms, I'd say Cybill Shepard.\nEveryone: Woah.\nChandler Bing: So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.\nDirector's Assistant: Hey Sal, Jerry wants to know if the monkey's ready for the subway set?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?\nDirector's Assistant: The one in the director's chair.\nJoey Tribbiani: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?\nSusie Moss: We've got a problem.\nDirector's Assistant: Tell me.\nSusie Moss: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a moustasche.\nDirector's Assistant: Is it bad?\nSusie Moss: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.\nDirector's Assistant: I'll talk to her.\nSusie Moss: I hate actors.\nChandler Bing: Nice camoflauge man, for a minute there I almost didn't see ya.\nSusie Moss: Excuse me.\nChandler Bing: Ahhhh.\nSusie Moss: Uh, is your name Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Uh, yes, yes it is.\nSusie Moss: Chandler Bing?\nChandler Bing: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?\nSusie Moss: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse.\nChandler Bing: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look. . . great job growing up.\nSusie Moss: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.\nChandler Bing: Oh, right, well yeah, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.\nSusie Moss: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.\nChandler Bing: Yes, back then I, uh, used humor as a defense mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.\nRachel Green: What what what what?\nMonica Geller: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie, he is so hot.\nRachel Green: Ya think?\nMonica Geller: The muscles from Brussels, wham bam Van Damme, did you see Time Cop?\nRachel Green: No, was he any good in it?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, he like, totally changed time.\nRachel Green: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?\nMonica Geller: Oh, yeah.\nRachel Green: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?\nMonica Geller: He could hear me.\nRachel Green: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.\nMonica Geller: Oh Rachel don't, don't you dare, don't, don't. Tell him I cook.\nRachel Green: Excuse me. Hi.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Hi.\nRachel Green: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: You don't think I'm cute?\nRachel Green: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?\nJean-Claude Van Damme: You can tell her I think her friend is cute.\nChandler Bing: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.\nSusie Moss: OK, well then who was the kid that got caught masturbating?\nChandler Bing: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.\nSusie Moss: Oh that's me, I gotta go.\nChandler Bing: Oh uh, o, OK.\nSusie Moss: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date.\nChandler Bing: Well, uh, let's try one more. . . there you go, say Ernie's, 8 o'clock.\nSusie Moss: I'll be there, and who knows, if things go well, maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear.\nChandler Bing: No one was around to hear that?\nMonica Geller: So what'd he say?\nRachel Green: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.\nMonica Geller: Well, thanks anyway.\nRachel Green: He just kept asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.\nMonica Geller: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...\nRachel Green: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight. Thank you.\nRachel Green: And then Jean-Claude took me to that place Crossroads and that's where we hung out with Drew Barrymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.\nRachel Green: Does anybody need anything?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'll have an espresso. Oh acutally, I'll get it. If I ask you to, you'll probably end up drinking it yourself.\nRachel Green: That is so unfair.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme.\nRoss Geller: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?\nRoss Geller: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.\nChandler Bing: Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Stick a fork what?\nChandler Bing: Like, when you're cooking a steak.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.\nChandler Bing: Well then, how do you know when vegetables are done?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you know, you juist, you eat them and you can tell.\nChandler Bing: OK, then, eat me, I'm done.\nChandler Bing: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want to do it in an elevator?'\nMonica Geller: What did you say?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, I believe my exact words were, 'Flaign,en - sten'. I mean I didn't know what to say, how do you know if you wanna do it on an elevator?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you just know.\nSusie Moss: Oh, shoot, we gotta go, got a reservation in 30 minutes.\nChandler Bing: Oh no no no no, no no no no no no, you see, what I had planned shouldn't take more that 2, 3 minutes tops.\nSusie Moss: Oh, 200 seconds of passion. We gotta go.\nSusie Moss: But um, here's an idea, have you ever worn women's underwear?\nChandler Bing: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in there.\nSusie Moss: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.\nChandler Bing: You want me to wear your panties?\nSusie Moss: Could ya?\nChandler Bing: Well, if I was wearing your underwear then, uh, what would you be wearing?. . . You're swell.\nRoss Geller: OK, got the music, got the dinner. Oh and check it out, I made Marcel's favorite dish, banannacake.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooh.\nRoss Geller: With mealworms.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks gonna happen here tonight?\nRoss Geller: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No, no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking first.\nRachel Green: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...\nMonica Geller: Ya know, you had no right to go out with him.\nRachel Green: That is the most ridiculous.\nMonica Geller: You sold me out.\nRachel Green: I did not sell you out.\nMonica Geller: Yes you did. Absolutely.\nRachel Green: Would you let me talk.\nMonica Geller: Did you just flick me?\nRachel Green: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- Ow. That hurt\nMonica Geller: Quit flicking\nRachel Green: Ow, you stop flicking.\nMonica Geller: You flicked me first.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.\nRachel Green: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nRachel Green: You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want?\nMonica Geller: OK.\nRachel Green: Oh that's what you want.\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: Fine.\nMonica Geller: Fine,\nPhoebe Buffay: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.\nRoss Geller: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Forget about it.\nSusie Moss: How you doin there squirmy?\nChandler Bing: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.\nDirector's Assistant: I have nothing to do with casting.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what're you guys gonna eat?\nSusie Moss: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?\nChandler Bing: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.\nSusie Moss: I want you right here, right now.\nChandler Bing: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa They do have the shrimp.\nSusie Moss: Meet me in the bathroom.\nChandler Bing: I'm going to the bathroom now.\nSusie Moss: C'mon.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe we're doing this.\nSusie Moss: Alright mister, let's see those panties.\nChandler Bing: Alrighty.\nSusie Moss: Ooh. Ooh. But ya know what would be even sexier?\nChandler Bing: What?\nSusie Moss: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nSusie Moss: Alright. Now I would like to see you wearing nothing but them. Take your clothes off.\nChandler Bing: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.\nSusie Moss: C'mon hurry, hurry.\nChandler Bing: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you want this done right?\nSusie Moss: Alright, turn around. Time to see you from behind.\nChandler Bing: OK.\nSusie Moss: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video.\nChandler Bing: Well, you want me to uh, clench anything, or-... Susie? Susie.\nSusie Moss: This is for the fourth grade.\nChandler Bing: Huh? Where, whaddya mean?\nSusie Moss: Whaddo I mean. Whaddya mean, whaddo I mean? I mean underpants, mister, that's what I mean.\nChandler Bing: What, what's what you mean?\nSusie Moss: My skirt, you lifted, kids laughing. I was Susie Underpants 'till I was 18.\nChandler Bing: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?\nSusie Moss: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this.\nChandler Bing: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? Can you beat up that guy?\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Sure.\nMonica Geller: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Normally, I would not do it.\nMonica Geller: Well, what made you make the exception for me?\nJean-Claude Van Damme: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some groundrules and...\nMonica Geller: Say you're sorry.\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Say it.\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.\nRachel Green: OK, OK, that is my favorite sweater, that is my third date sweater.\nMonica Geller: Say you're sorry.\nRachel Green: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play.\nMonica Geller: What're you gonna do?\nRachel Green: You give me back my sweater or it's handbag marinara.\nMonica Geller: You don't have the guts.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.\nMonica Geller: I'll help you fix your sweater.\nRachel Green: I'll help you throw out your purse.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves\nChandler Bing: Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ma?\nChandler Bing: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you naked in there?\nChandler Bing: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?\nChandler Bing: No, no, this is the first time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.\nChandler Bing: I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, let me see.\nChandler Bing: No. I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, alright. Woah, someone's flossing.\nRoss Geller: Joey, some people don't like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler's wearing panties.\nRoss Geller: What? Let me see.\nChandler Bing: No, no, you don't have to see.\nRoss Geller: Hi Tushie.\nChandler Bing: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.\nChandler Bing: How can you not be wearing any underwear?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.\nChandler Bing: Alright look Ross I'll give you 50 dollars for your underpants.\nEveryone: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.\nRoss Geller: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it goes right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJean-Claude Van Damme: I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and me, or you and me. Drew was very disappointed.\nRachel Green: OK, well, bye.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Goodbye.\nMonica Geller: Well, bye for me too.\nRachel Green: OK, well, bye-bye again.\nMonica Geller: OK.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Perhaps, uh, the three of us, just could. . .\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut with my butt.\nRachel Green: Impressive.\nMonica Geller: But no. Maybe if I were baking.\nRoss Geller: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?\nChandler Bing: How long you been waitin' to say that?\nPhoebe Buffay: About 20 minutes. CLOSING CREDITS\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaaaagggghhhhh.\nDirector: Cut.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaaaagggghhhhh.\nDirector: Cut.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy\nDirector: Cut.\nJean-Claude Van Damme: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dead."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey. Hold on a second. Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.\nChandler Bing: What's this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.\nChandler Bing: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me.\nChandler Bing: Wow, I don't know what to say. Wow, I, I don't know what to say.\nJoey Tribbiani: Heh, what d'ya say?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. It's a bracelet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.\nChandler Bing: To my best bud. Thanks best bud.\nJoey Tribbiani: Put it on.\nChandler Bing: Oh, now? No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. You put this on, you're good to go. Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.\nChandler Bing: I so am.\nJoey Tribbiani: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?\nChandler Bing: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.\nInterviewer: Well, this all looks good.\nMonica Geller: Great.\nInterviewer: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.\nInterviewer: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.\nMonica Geller: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more complicated if you like.\nInterviewer: No, just a salad will be fine.\nMonica Geller: You got it.\nInterviewer: Now, I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're doing it.\nMonica Geller: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.\nInterviewer: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?\nMonica Geller: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.\nInterviewer: Don't, I like it dirty.\nMonica Geller: That's your call.\nInterviewer: So, uh, what are you going to do next?\nMonica Geller: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.\nInterviewer: Are they, uh, firm?\nMonica Geller: They'r alright.\nInterviewer: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?\nMonica Geller: No really, they're OK.\nInterviewer: You gonna slice them up real nice?\nMonica Geller: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.\nInterviewer: Aaaahhhhhhh.\nMonica Geller: I'm outa here.\nRoss Geller: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.\nRoss Geller: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.\nRoss Geller: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because she's your lobster.\nChandler Bing: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.\nPhoebe Buffay: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .\nChandler Bing: Hey, you feelin' better?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, do you have any other possibilities?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.\nRoss Geller: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.\nMonica Geller: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.\nRoss Geller: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.\nChandler Bing: Ya know, the man's got a point.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is that sparkly thing?\nChandler Bing: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.\nRoss Geller: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.\nMonica Geller: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few debloons.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJudy Geller: Hi darling.\nMonica Geller: So, what's this.\nRoss Geller: Some of your old stuff.\nJudy Geller: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.\nMonica Geller: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?\nRoss Geller: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb them.\nMonica Geller: Oh, God forbid.\nJudy Geller: Oh, hi Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJudy Geller: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up, dear.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, you know, they're just separated so, you know, never know, we'll see.\nRoss Geller: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially after that incident in Hawaii.\nRachel Green: What, what incident?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thinking of someone else, uh, maybe me. Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold dear. Fold. You fold.\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you want a refill?\nChandler Bing: No, I'm alright, thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.\nChandler Bing: I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.\nGail: I'm Gail.\nChandler Bing: Chandler.\nGail: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was nice meeting you.\nChandler Bing: What? Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not that bad.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. That's actually good.\nRoss Geller: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think she's OK.\nRoss Geller: Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. Excuse me, are you Rachel?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you were pretty but wow.\nRachel Green: What are you, what are you doin'?\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.\nMan: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.\nRoss Geller: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. You're welcome.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I was saving you.\nRachel Green: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?\nRoss Geller: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .\nRachel Green: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.\nRoss Geller: But, you are.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.\nRachel Green: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?\nRoss Geller: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Do the claws again.\nRoss Geller: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?\nRachel Green: Ross, there is no us, OK.\nRoss Geller: No, but. . .\nRachel Green: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.\nRoss Geller: Well, but, but. . .\nRachel Green: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.\nRoss Geller: E-except, except that what?\nRachel Green: No, no, ACC-cept that.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? OK, that's my bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.\nChandler Bing: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?\nChandler Bing: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what the. . .\nChandler Bing: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . .\nRoss Geller: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nJudy Geller: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you didn't bring him?\nRoss Geller: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.\nRoss Geller: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.\nJudy Geller: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up.\nMonica Geller: Where have you been?\nRoss Geller: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?\nMonica Geller: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.\nRoss Geller: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.\nMonica Geller: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.\nJudy Geller: Why?\nMonica Geller: Because they made me.\nJudy Geller: You were fired? What're you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?\nRoss Geller: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it.\nMonica Geller: Anything larger back there?\nChandler Bing: I can't believe it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay.\nRachel Green: Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey now you have two. Oh, now you have two.\nChandler Bing: What am I gonna do, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: How come you have two?\nChandler Bing: Well this one's for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out.\nChandler Bing: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, it's about you and me and the fact that we're best buds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.\nChandler Bing: That's what they'll call us.\nRoss Geller: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.\nMonica Geller: You have dinosaur checks?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?\nMonica Geller: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Mon, what is this?\nMonica Geller: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger then.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?\nMonica Geller: Hey, you got me, put it in.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJudy Geller: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is with your nose?\nRachel Green: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.\nChandler Bing: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.\nMonica Geller: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.\nEveryone: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.\nJudy Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.\nMonica Geller: Over here dad.\nRoss Geller: Wait, how do you zoom out? There she is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Some girl ate Monica.\nMonica Geller: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you look so great.\nRachel Green: Ahh, so do you, beautiful.\nMonica Geller: Oops.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.\nRoss Geller: Everybody smile.\nMonica Geller: Oh, dad, turn it off.\nRoss Geller: It is off.\nMonica Geller: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?\nRoss Geller: It's the off light. Right Ross?\nJoey Tribbiani: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.\nRoss Geller: You look pretty tonight.\nRachel Green: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?\nRoss Geller: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.\nRachel Green: Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .\nRoss Geller: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . .\nRachel Green: Oh, the guys are here.\nRoss Geller: this summer?\nChandler Bing: Work on your music?\nRachel Green: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik.\nMonica Geller: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.\nRachel Green: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?\nRoy: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill.\nMonica Geller: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.\nRachel Green: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.\nMonica Geller: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.\nRoy: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.\nJudy Geller: I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.\nRoss Geller: Doubtful.\nJudy Geller: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.\nRoss Geller: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.\nRoss Geller: Dad, she won't want to go with me.\nRoss Geller: Of course she would, you're a college man.\nRoss Geller: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?\nRachel Green: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so harsh.\nRoss Geller: OK. Hold my board.\nRoss Geller: Atta boy.\nRoss Geller: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.\nEveryone: No, no, no.\nRoss Geller: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.\nRoss Geller: C'mon kid, let's go.\nJudy Geller: Ahh, are you hadsome.\nRoss Geller: Let's show 'em.\nRoss Geller: Uh, just a sec dad. OK, be cool, just be cool. OK dad.\nRoss Geller: Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no.\nJudy Geller: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?\nRoss Geller: Press the button.\nJudy Geller: Which one? Which button, Jack.\nRoss Geller: The button, the button.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you did that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, he's her lobster.\nJudy Geller: Dance with him.\nMonica Geller: Mom, I'm hungry.\nJudy Geller: Dance with your father.\nRoss Geller: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.\nMonica Geller: Alright.\nJudy Geller: Oh, Jack.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.\nBoth: Oh, ohhhhh."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.\nChandler Bing: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright open your eyes.\nChandler Bing: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.\nChandler Bing: Congratulations!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: So uh, which one is mine?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. Not that one.\nChandler Bing: Ohh yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.\nChandler Bing: Do we dare?\nJoey Tribbiani: We dare.\nBoth: Aaahhhh. AAAAHHHHHH.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.\nChandler Bing: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.\nRoss Geller: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.\nEveryone: Woah!\nMonica Geller: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?\nRachel Green: Hi you guys.\nEveryone: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey you.\nRoss Geller: Hey you.\nRachel Green: So, uh, how was your day?\nRoss Geller: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.\nRachel Green: Really? Mine too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey cool, mine too.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.\nRachel Green: OK.\nRoss Geller: Bye guys.\nEveryone: Bye.\nMonica Geller: Tonight?\nMonica Geller: What's tonight?\nRachel Green: It is our first official date. Our first date.\nMonica Geller: Uh, hello.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you?\nRachel Green: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.\nMonica Geller: Yes but my mom got me this job.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.\nMonica Geller: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's James Bond.\nMonica Geller: Sorry we're late.\nRichard Burke: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.\nMonica Geller: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.\nRichard Burke: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight.\nRichard Burke: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. So, how ya been?\nMonica Geller: I've been great, just great. How have you been?\nRichard Burke: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.\nMonica Geller: The head tilt?\nRichard Burke: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. 'How ya doin'? You OK?'\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry.\nRichard Burke: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. 'I'm OK.' 'You sure?' 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's too bad.\nRichard Burke: I'll survive.\nChandler Bing: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.\nJoey Tribbiani: What if we have to pee?\nChandler Bing: I'll cancel the sodas.\nMonica Geller: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.\nRichard Burke: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.\nMonica Geller: You're an opthamologist.\nRichard Burke: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.\nRichard Burke: See.\nMonica Geller: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.\nRichard Burke: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. Who needs glasses?\nPhoebe Buffay: You are so smitten.\nMonica Geller: I am not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.\nMonica Geller: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.\nPhoebe Buffay: So. You two are totally into each other.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?\nMonica Geller: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.\nPhoebe Buffay: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?\nMonica Geller: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.\nRachel Green: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.\nRoss Geller: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.\nRachel Green: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.\nRachel Green: Monica.\nRoss Geller: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name.\nRachel Green: Honey, I'm just checking.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Monica.\nRoss Geller: Mon.\nRachel Green: Monica.\nRoss Geller: Mon.\nRoss Geller: What, what.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry.\nRoss Geller: And that's, that's funny why?\nRachel Green: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.\nRoss Geller: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.\nRachel Green: OK.\nRoss Geller: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.\nRachel Green: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your hands back there.\nRoss Geller: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.\nRachel Green: Just one cheek.\nRoss Geller: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.\nRachel Green: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.\nRoss Geller: That's romantic.\nRachel Green: C'mon touch it.\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on squeeze it.\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Rub it.\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.\nChandler Bing: You got a Cheeto on your face man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?\nRoss Geller: That was 14 hours ago.\nChandler Bing: So how'd it go?\nRoss Geller: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.\nJoey Tribbiani: She laughed at you?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?\nChandler Bing: It's the Miracle Wax.\nJoey Tribbiani: It certainly is a miracle.\nRachel Green: Hi you guys.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .\nChandler Bing: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.\nRachel Green: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.\nRoss Geller: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?\nRachel Green: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.\nRoss Geller: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.\nRachel Green: What's this.\nChandler Bing: Could you get us a couple of beers?\nRichard Burke: I'm going to look into your eyes now.\nMonica Geller: Really.\nRichard Burke: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.\nMonica Geller: Good, they feel good, in my head.\nRichard Burke: So, it's great to see ya.\nMonica Geller: You too.\nRichard Burke: You too.\nMonica Geller: OK, um. Goodbye.\nRichard Burke: Drops!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRichard Burke: Drops. Here, they're free.\nMonica Geller: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going.\nRichard Burke: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.\nMonica Geller: Thanks again.\nPhoebe Buffay: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, inside good, outside bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.\nChandler Bing: She's one of us now.\nRachel Green: Hi you guys.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.\nRoss Geller: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.\nRachel Green: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Naa, she's lyin'.\nMonica Geller: Stop sending food to our apartment.\nRoss Geller: Well, why're you all dressed up?\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.\nRoss Geller: What? You have a date? Who with?\nMonica Geller: No one.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, what's his name?\nMonica Geller: Nothing.\nRoss Geller: Come on, tell me.\nMonica Geller: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I promise, what.\nMonica Geller: It's Richard Burke.\nRoss Geller: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.\nMonica Geller: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.\nRoss Geller: Doctor Burke is sexy?\nRoss Geller: It's the museum again, can I, oh.\nRachel Green: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.\nMonica Geller: When?\nRachel Green: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you are so lucky.\nRachel Green: I know.\nRoss Geller: Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.\nChandler Bing: Well maybe he was nervous.\nRoss Geller: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.\nRachel Green: It's OK, it's fine.\nRoss Geller: KARL!\nMonica Geller: Wow, is that Michelle?\nRichard Burke: Yep.\nMonica Geller: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.\nRichard Burke: Ya know, she's having another baby.\nMonica Geller: I thought she just had one.\nRichard Burke: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're a grandpa.\nRichard Burke: Yeah. Are we nuts here?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.\nRichard Burke: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRichard Burke: So.\nMonica Geller: So maybe we should just. . .\nRichard Burke: Yeah, yeah, maybe.\nMonica Geller: Wow, this really sucks.\nRichard Burke: Yeah, it sure does.\nMonica Geller: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?\nRichard Burke: No, no, there's no rush or anything.\nDelivery Guy: Pizza delivery.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys.\nRoss Geller: Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: I'm done.\nRachel Green: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.\nRoss Geller: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.\nRachel Green: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?\nRoss Geller: No, no, we won't.\nRachel Green: We won't?\nRoss Geller: C'mon.\nRachel Green: OK, that's dead right?\nRachel Green: What is this? What are we doing?\nRoss Geller: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?\nRachel Green: Grape.\nRoss Geller: OK, now, sit. OK.\nRachel Green: Oh, God.\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nRachel Green: Ah, so what are we looking at?\nRoss Geller: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.\nRachel Green: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.\nRoss Geller: You're not laughing.\nRachel Green: This time it's not so funny.\nRachel Green: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.\nRoss Geller: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank God.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.\nRoss Geller: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: We're not alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that the fire alarm?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?\nChandler Bing: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.\nChandler Bing: Waaa-aaah.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so.\nChandler Bing: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. You used my toothbrush?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.\nChandler Bing: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?\nChandler Bing: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahh.\nRachel Green: OK, ready when you are.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okey-doke.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?\nRachel Green: Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I want to surprise him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily.\nChandler Bing: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?\nJoey Tribbiani: So where you gettin' it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think on my shoulder.\nRoss Geller: What? What's on your shoulder?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a tattoo.\nRoss Geller: A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do that? Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi. Well hey, you don't - you don't think they're kind of cool?\nRoss Geller: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?\nMonica Geller: Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.\nChandler Bing: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?\nMonica Geller: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he has to be there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I think you should tell them.\nMonica Geller: No, I don't even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything.\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope they get together.'\nRoss Geller: Alright, shall we?\nMonica Geller: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.\nRoss Geller: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. We're here.\nJudy Geller: Oh hi kids. Hi darling.\nMonica Geller: Happy birthday dad.\nRoss Geller: Oh thank you.\nRoss Geller: Hi ma.\nRichard Burke: Happy birthday.\nJudy Geller: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?\nRoss Geller: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.\nFriend: Well, you kids take the train in?\nJudy Geller: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.\nFriend: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city.\nMonica Geller: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.\nJudy Geller: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior section.\nMonica Geller: Are we still on that?\nJudy Geller: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.\nFriend: She's probably not even very pretty, just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can you believe this place?\nChandler Bing: I know, this is a great apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.\nChandler Bing: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.\nJoey's Co-Star: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man.\nJoey's Co-Star: Thanks. You want it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh?\nJoey's Co-Star: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?\nJoey's Co-Star: Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? C'mon I'll show you the kitchen.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, tell us.\nFriend: Yeah, is she really 20.\nRichard Burke: I am not telling you guys anything.\nRoss Geller: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live vicariously.\nRoss Geller: Dad, you really don't want to do that.\nRoss Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?\nRichard Burke: Jack, would you let it go?\nRoss Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.\nRichard Burke: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.\nRoss Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .\nRoss Geller: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.\nRoss Geller: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily?\nRachel Green: Well I. . .\nPhoebe Buffay: I like this lily. It's more open, ya know, and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh.\nTattoo Artist: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, not so blonde girl, you're with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here we go.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not going?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?\nRachel Green: No. Well, yeah, maybe.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?\nRachel Green: What's 1922?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?\nRachel Green: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?\nRachel Green: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, who is the boss of you?!!\nRachel Green: You?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!\nRichard Burke: How ya doin'?\nMonica Geller: I'm a twinkie.\nRichard Burke: Really? I'm a hero.\nMonica Geller: Oh, this is so hard.\nRichard Burke: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.\nMonica Geller: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.\nRichard Burke: My parents are dead.\nMonica Geller: God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . . you know what I mean.\nRichard Burke: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.\nMonica Geller: Alright.\nRichard Burke: Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.\nJudy Geller: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.\nRoss Geller: Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.\nJudy Geller: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?\nRoss Geller: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.\nJudy Geller: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.\nRoss Geller: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.\nJudy Geller: Really.\nRoss Geller: I tell you, I've never seen him this happy.\nJudy Geller: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?\nRoss Geller: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.\nJudy Geller: Oh Jack stop.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, it's my birthday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.\nChandler Bing: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.\nChandler Bing: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.\nChandler Bing: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.\nJoey Tribbiani: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, huh? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.\nChandler Bing: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well that's how I feel.\nChandler Bing: Well then maybe you should take it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well then maybe I will.\nChandler Bing: Fine with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.\nRoss Geller: Who's drink can I freshen?\nJudy Geller: Almost time for cake.\nRoss Geller: Mon, Mon, are you OK?\nMonica Geller: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Well, I just caught the live show.\nRoss Geller: Eww.\nMonica Geller: Hey there.\nRichard Burke: What?\nMonica Geller: Nothing, I just heard something nice about you.\nRichard Burke: Humm, really?\nJudy Geller: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?\nRichard Burke: Uhh, not that I know of.\nJudy Geller: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?\nRichard Burke: That - that's an idea.\nMonica Geller: Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.\nJudy Geller: Oh?\nRichard Burke: Oh?\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nJudy Geller: She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?\nRoss Geller: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?\nJudy Geller: So, who's the mystery man?\nMonica Geller: Well, uh, he's a doctor.\nJudy Geller: A real doctor?\nMonica Geller: No, a doctor of meat. Of course he's a real doctor. And he's handsome, and he's sweet, and know you'd like him.\nJudy Geller: Well that's wonderful. . . I\nMonica Geller: Mom, it's OK.\nRichard Burke: It is Judy.\nJudy Geller: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!\nRoss Geller: Found it.\nRoss Geller: I'll take that dad.\nJudy Geller: It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.\nRoss Geller: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.\nMonica Geller: Dad, I'm the twinkie.\nRoss Geller: You're the twinkie?\nRichard Burke: She's not a twinkie.\nMonica Geller: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .\nJudy Geller: Oh please, a relationship.\nMonica Geller: Yes, a relationship. For your information I am crazy about this man.\nRichard Burke: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?\nMonica Geller: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.\nRoss Geller: When did I say that?\nMonica Geller: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that looks so good, oh I love it.\nRachel Green: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.\nRachel Green: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh OK. Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.\nRachel Green: You didn't get it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRachel Green: Why didn't you get it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?\nRachel Green: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .\nChandler Bing: Yeah me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .\nJoey Tribbiani: No, we're alright.\nChandler Bing: So I got ya something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Plastic spoons. Great.\nChandler Bing: Lick away my man.\nJoey Tribbiani: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.\nChandler Bing: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm movin' out like we talked about.\nChandler Bing: Well I didn't think that was serious. Ya know I thought that was just a fight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.\nChandler Bing: Well, there you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.\nChandler Bing: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?\nChandler Bing: I did pay for half of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.\nChandler Bing: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.\nChandler Bing: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?\nMonica Geller: So, are you sorry that I told them?\nRichard Burke: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.\nRachel Green: Is Ross here?\nMonica Geller: No he went out to get pizza.\nRachel Green: Oh really, OK.\nMonica Geller: That's great.\nRichard Burke: Very tasteful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: What? You didn't get one.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, well then what is this?\nRichard Burke: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, that's my tattoo.\nRachel Green: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.\nRachel Green: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo.\nRoss Geller: You got a tattoo?\nRachel Green: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.\nRoss Geller: Lemme see.\nRachel Green: Well?\nRoss Geller: Well it's really. . . sexy. I wouldn't have thought it would be but. . . wow.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?\nRachel Green: I guess.\nRoss Geller: Hey, save us some pizza.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.\nChandler Bing: Stop talkin' to your men.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! And the table is mine.\nChandler Bing: Congratulations.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, right?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . except when we are here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know you're just moving uptown but I'm really gonna miss you.\nMonica Geller: I know, how can you not be accross the hall anymore.\nRachel Green: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I remember.\nRoss Geller: Hey, let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.\nChandler Bing: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?\nJoey Tribbiani: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, I guess this is it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care.\nChandler Bing: Yeah."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.\nRoss Geller: Get out.\nEveryone: No.\nMonica Geller: Wow Joey, this is, uhh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Art.\nMonica Geller: Art it is.\nRoss Geller: Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.\nRachel Green: Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?\nRoss Geller: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, I go-, I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. Heh?\nRachel Green: Hey, nice toilet.\nJoey Tribbiani: No no no, behind it.\nRoss Geller: Wha-, you have a phone in here?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, I have a phone in here.\nMonica Geller: Joey, promise me something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Never call me from that phone.\nRachel Green: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.\nChandler Bing: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.\nEveryone: OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.\nEveryone: \nPhoebe Buffay: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.\nEveryone: \nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm done now.\nEveryone: \nRachel Green: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.\nRoss Geller: Get the what?\nRachel Green: Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go.\nGuy: What're you doing?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7.\nMonica Geller: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.\nRoss Geller: Calm down, I'm blow drying.\nMonica Geller: Blow drying what, you have no hair.\nRachel Green: What's goin' on?\nMonica Geller: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .\nRachel Green: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.\nMonica Geller: GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!\nRachel Green: Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.\nRoss Geller: All yours.\nMonica Geller: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.\nRoss Geller: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.\nMonica Geller: Shut up.\nRoss Geller: Shut up.\nMonica Geller: Cut it out.\nRoss Geller: Mi-mi-mii.\nRachel Green: I've never wanted you more.\nChandler Bing: So, whaddya say boys, should I call him? Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.\nChandler Bing: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'\nChandler Bing: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well great.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well OK then. Was that the oven timer?\nChandler Bing: That's right my friend. It's time for...\nBoth: Baywatch!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?\nChandler Bing: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.\nChandler Bing: Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, they're runnin'\nChandler Bing: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.\nMonica Geller: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?\nJoey Tribbiani: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.\nMonica Geller: I promise you, he would definitely want you back.\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.\nChandler Bing: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.\nRoss Geller: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.\nRachel Green: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.\nChandler Bing: But...\nRoss Geller: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.\nProducer: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?\nProducer: They're your backup singers... beind you.\nPhoebe Buffay: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.\nProducer: Alrighty. From the top.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK. Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.\nProducer: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.\nRoss Geller: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. Oh, were you takin' a nap?\nMonica Geller: I was.\nRoss Geller: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. Call Joanna. Hi.\nMonica Geller: Did she leave a number?\nRoss Geller: Did you see me write one down?\nMonica Geller: I don't have her number, butt-munch.\nRoss Geller: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.\nMonica Geller: I'm not a baby, you're the baby.\nRoss Geller: Look, you wanna get off my back?\nMonica Geller: You wanna get out of my face?\nRoss Geller: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.\nMonica Geller: Give me that.\nRoss Geller: OK.\nMonica Geller: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: So uhh, how's the palace?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?\nChandler Bing: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.\nEddie Menuek: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?\nChandler Bing: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.\nEddie Menuek: Nice to meet ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?\nEddie Menuek: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow.\nChandler Bing: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, now it's a spare room?\nChandler Bing: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I uh, got what I came for. I'll uh, I'll see you guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey Jo. When'd you start usin' mousse in your hair?\nEddie Menuek: Is this guy great or what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah he is.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?\nRoss Geller: Uh, Eddie something. He just met him.\nRachel Green: It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.\nEveryone: \nPhoebe Buffay: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so cool, now I can hear what you hear.\nRachel Green: Pretty uhm, different huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I am sorry but I am incredibly talented.\nEddie Menuek: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Eddie.\nChandler Bing: Morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. Where's the mail?\nChandler Bing: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't keep it over here on this table any more?\nChandler Bing: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.\nEddie Menuek: Alright, here you go my friend. Eggs a-la Eddie, huh?\nChandler Bing: Oh, ooh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.\nChandler Bing: Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this way and, well they're pretty darn good.\nEddie Menuek: Well you guys, I'm outta here. See ya pals.\nChandler Bing: See ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: So how you two gettin' along?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I couldn't be happier.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.\nChandler Bing: There's another carton right over there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.\nChandler Bing: Alright, so what's it about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?\nChandler Bing: Well I like both eggs equally.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.\nChandler Bing: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?\nMonica Geller: I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.\nRoss Geller: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.\nRachel Green: Would you guys stop.\nMonica Geller: It's my TV.\nRoss Geller: Wha-, oh, quit it.\nMonica Geller: Bite me.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's great, why don't you tell mommy on me.\nRachel Green: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy.\nMonica Geller: OK, what're we gonna do about this?\nRoss Geller: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.\nMonica Geller: Not that, this, US. Oh my God, Ross, you-re, you're, it's jus-, you-, ever sin- you been here.\nRoss Geller: Ow, ow, OK. Alright, alright, Mon, Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again, alright.\nMonica Geller: I just can't stand you being here all the time.\nRoss Geller: Why, why, why can't you stand me being here? I don't, I, we're just, ya know, we're just havin' fun.\nMonica Geller: Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when we were kids.\nMonica Geller: Ross, I hated you when we were kids.\nRoss Geller: You hated me when we were kids?\nMonica Geller: Yes. I hated you. I mean I, I, loved you in a 'you're my brother so I have to' kind of way, but basically, yeah, I hated your guts.\nRoss Geller: Why did you hate me?\nMonica Geller: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.\nRoss Geller: And that wasn't fun for you?\nMonica Geller: Duh-huh!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you hated me.\nMonica Geller: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.\nRoss Geller: I can do that.\nMonica Geller: Then I won't have to kill you.\nRoss Geller: So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment Tonight?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, thanks. You know what?\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.\nRoss Geller: Ohh... OK.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.\nEveryone: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nRachel Green: Well, how did you find out?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.\nMonica Geller: So what're you gonna do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.\nMonica Geller: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean this poor woman.\nRoss Geller: What woman?\nPhoebe Buffay: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.\nRachel Green: OK, Phoebs. But what about you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.\nChandler Bing: Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play some foosball?\nEddie Menuek: No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really into sports.\nChandler Bing: Yeah o-, OK, alright. Doesn't matter, time for Baywatch.\nEddie Menuek: Y-, y-, you like that show?\nChandler Bing: You don't like that show?\nEddie Menuek: Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya know.\nChandler Bing: Well that's the brilliance of it. The pretty people... and the running.\nEddie Menuek: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.\nChandler Bing: Oh o-, OK man.\nPhoebe Buffay: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Everybody.\nEveryone: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica.\nMonica Geller: They won't take you to the vet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: You're obviously not their favorite pet.\nMonica Geller: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: It may not be a bed of roses.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel.\nRachel Green: And you're no friend to those with noses.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more."}
{"text": "Amber: Oh Drake.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry I'm late, what happened?\nMonica Geller: We, we just wanna see the end.\nAmber: I want you Drake.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.\nAmber: What?\nDr. Drake Ramoray: There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your half- brother.\nRachel Green: So what happens next?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.\nChandler Bing: God that is good TV.\nChandler Bing: Phoebs, play with meeee.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.\nChandler Bing: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you play with your roommate?\nChandler Bing: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?\nChandler Bing: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?\nChandler Bing: We don't need to remedy that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, it'll be fun.\nEddie Menuek: What was that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.\nEddie Menuek: Yeah alright, that sounds alright.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.\nChandler Bing: That was so lame.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him.\nChandler Bing: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets er?\nEddie Menuek: That's good, that's good. So, so, so who broke up with who?\nChandler Bing: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.\nEddie Menuek: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...\nChandler Bing: Well it's not Sean Penn.\nEddie Menuek: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?\nPhoebe Buffay: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.\nRichard Burke: Phoebe's got another job, right?\nRachel Green: Great set tonight Phoebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nRoss Geller: Well, we should probably get going.\nRichard Burke: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.\nMonica Geller: Ya know, I was thinking. Ya know how we always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe tonight we'd stay at my place.\nRichard Burke: I don't know, I don't have my jammies.\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe you don't need them.\nRoss Geller: My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.\nMonica Geller: Shut up, I'm happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.\nRichard Burke: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nRichard Burke: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there've been a lot.\nMonica Geller: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.\nRachel Green: Phoebe's dead.\nTilly: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nTilly: I'm looking for Eddie Minowick.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fishtank?\nTilly: Thanks.\nChandler Bing: Oh, oh, c'mon in.\nTilly: I'm Tilly.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nTilly: I gather by that oh that he told you about me.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.\nTilly: He's kind of intense huh?\nChandler Bing: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...\nEddie Menuek: A little what?\nChandler Bing: Bit country? C'mon in here you roomie.\nEddie Menuek: Hello Tilly.\nTilly: Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.\nEddie Menuek: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thougtful.\nTilly: Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye.\nEddie Menuek: Bye-bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye.\nChandler Bing: So, we gettin' a fish?\nEddie Menuek: You had sex with her didn't you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebs, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's one of my favorite digests.\nJoey Tribbiani: Page 42, page 42, page 42.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, I look good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?\nWriter: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. Yeah, well, write this jerkweed.\nJoey Tribbiani: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?\nDelivery Guy: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.\nJoey Tribbiani: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.\nDelivery Guy: Right. Could you sign this?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No way, I'm not signing that.\nDelivery Guy: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.\nJoey Tribbiani: How can they do this to me?\nDelivery Guy: Er, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.\nRachel Green: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.\nRoss Geller: G'night.\nRichard Burke: Night Richard. Good luck Mon.\nMonica Geller: Alright, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell me how many women you've been with.\nRichard Burke: Two.\nMonica Geller: Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have you seen you?\nRichard Burke: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.\nMonica Geller: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth.\nRichard Burke: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.\nMonica Geller: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.\nRachel Green: Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.\nRoss Geller: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?\nRachel Green: Uhhhooo.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.\nRachel Green: Well, there's you.\nRoss Geller: Better not be doin' these in order.\nRachel Green: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo.\nRoss Geller: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.\nChandler Bing: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.\nEddie Menuek: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.\nChandler Bing: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.\nEddie Menuek: Where's Buddy?\nChandler Bing: Buddy?\nEddie Menuek: My fish, Buddy.\nChandler Bing: There was no fish when she dropped it off.\nEddie Menuek: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?\nChandler Bing: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie... Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon?\nRichard Burke: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?\nMonica Geller: Well yeah.\nRichard Burke: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.\nMonica Geller: You really ok with it?\nRichard Burke: Oh honey, I'm fine.\nMonica Geller: Oh, yay. Ok about that two.\nRichard Burke: What? Alright, what about my two?\nMonica Geller: Well, it just seems like a really small number.\nRichard Burke: Right, and...\nMonica Geller: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?\nRichard Burke: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.\nMonica Geller: But you've only slept with two people.\nRichard Burke: Right.\nMonica Geller: Wow. Oh wow. You know I love you too, right.\nRichard Burke: Now I do.\nRachel Green: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.\nRachel Green: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is special, all Paolo and I ever had was...\nRoss Geller: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sex?\nRachel Green: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo.\nRoss Geller: Knock-knock.\nRachel Green: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had.\nRoss Geller: Until now.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, honey that's great.\nMonica Geller: I know. I just can't find...\nRachel Green: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.\nMonica Geller: You need one too?\nRachel Green: Ooooh yeah.\nMonica Geller: There's only one.\nRichard Burke: Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something.\nRoss Geller: Rachel. Hey.\nRichard Burke: Hey. They're just trying to decide somehting.\nRoss Geller: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?\nRichard Burke: No.\nRoss Geller: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?\nRichard Burke: I have a little comb.\nRoss Geller: Oh. And what do you call that?\nRichard Burke: A moustache comb.\nRachel Green: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month.\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.\nMonica Geller: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.\nRachel Green: Agghhh.\nRoss Geller: So were you in Nam?\nRachel Green: Rock-paper-scissors?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeesss.\nMonica Geller: Fine, go have sex.\nRichard Burke: No. You have got it completely wrong. John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit was coming home, couldn't feel his legs.\nRoss Geller: No, no way. You've got it totally the other way around my friend. John Voit was...\nRachel Green: Honey.\nRoss Geller: What, what oh...\nRichard Burke: Shall we?\nMonica Geller: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow.\nRichard Burke: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...\nChandler Bing: So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nChandler Bing: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why would you kill his fish?\nChandler Bing: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.\nRachel Green: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Wait, he's not here yet.\nRachel Green: So, he's on the show, he knows what happens.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.\nRachel Green: Oh good.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.\nAmber: Oh Drake.\nDr. Horton: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Some guys are just lucky I guess.\nIntercom: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?\nDr. Horton: No, no, they only said you.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Oh, ok. Alright.\nAmber: I love you Drake.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Yeah, whatever. Oh no.\nAmber: Drake, look out.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.\nMonica Geller: Did they just kill off Joey?\nRoss Geller: No. Now maybe.\nRoss Geller: C'mon.\nRachel Green: Joey.\nRoss Geller: Open up. We want to talk to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't feel like talkin.\nRachel Green: Oh c'mon Joey, we care about you.\nChandler Bing: We're worried about you.\nMonica Geller: And some of us really have to pee.\nMonica Geller: Sorry Joey\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, sorry about your death, that really sucks.\nChandler Bing: We came over as soon as we saw.\nRoss Geller: How could you not tell us?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, I was kinda hopin' no one would ever find out.\nRachel Green: Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.\nPhoebe Buffay: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good, here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say.\nMonica Geller: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew. What? To me that's nice.\nChandler Bing: It's gonna be ok. You know that?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry man.\nRachel Green: Yeah, Joey honey, I don't know if this'll mean anything to you but you'll always be pre-approved with us.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, that means nothin to me.\nChandler Bing: Uhhhaahh.\nEddie Menuek: Pecan sandy, just made em.\nChandler Bing: Yeah alright. What're these, raisins?\nEddie Menuek: Uh, sure, why not.\nChandler Bing: Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our current living situation and uh, why are you smiling?\nEddie Menuek: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you.\nChandler Bing: Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker.\nEddie Menuek: What's you point man?\nChandler Bing: Ok, good night. You big freak of nature.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRichard Burke: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRichard Burke: Ohh, brisk tonight.\nRoss Geller: Oh man.\nRichard Burke: Let's never speak of this.\nRoss Geller: You got it."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey Eddie. Daahh!! What're you doin' here?\nEddie Menuek: Nothin' roomie, just watchin' you sleep.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nEddie Menuek: Makes me feel um, peaceful, heh-heh, please.\nChandler Bing: I can't sleep now.\nEddie Menuek: You want me to sing?\nChandler Bing: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.\nEddie Menuek: Woah, woah, woah, what're, what're you talkin' about man.\nChandler Bing: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than you.\nEddie Menuek: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?\nChandler Bing: I didn't realize that.\nEddie Menuek: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: GET OUT NOW!!\nEddie Menuek: Ok, you really want me out?\nChandler Bing: Yes please.\nEddie Menuek: Ok, then I want to hear you say it, I, I want to hear you say you want me out.\nChandler Bing: I want you out.\nEddie Menuek: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.\nChandler Bing: Where did you hear it from before?\nEddie Menuek: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.\nEddie Menuek: I heard that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that time machine workin' huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?\nMonica Geller: A mirror?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.\nMonica Geller: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.\nMonica Geller: Cache? Jaunty?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, it was incredible.\nPhoebe Buffay: Didn't it like totally speak to you?\nRachel Green: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this?\nMonica Geller: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.\nRachel Green: Men just take out wind?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.\nRachel Green: Wow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.\nMonica Geller: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes, no, Richard would never steal your wind.\nMonica Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, 'cause he's yummy.\nMonica Geller: Yes. But all the other ones.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.\nJoey Tribbiani: Anybody want a croan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'\nEstelle Leonard: Don't worry about it already. Things happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?\nEstelle Leonard: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, can we get back to me?\nEstelle Leonard: Look honey, people get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright. Cab driver number two?\nEstelle Leonard: You're welcome.\nJoey Tribbiani: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?\nEstelle Leonard: Things change, roll with em.\nJoey Tribbiani: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.\nEstelle Leonard: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry. See ya.\nRachel Green: Oh, God, oh, God, I mean it's just so.\nMonica Geller: Isn't it.\nRachel Green: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about my own life. I mean this book could have been called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.\nRoss Geller: Hey you guys.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.\nRachel Green: NO!\nRoss Geller: No?\nRachel Green: No, why do we always have to do everything according to your time table?\nRoss Geller: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.\nRachel Green: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.\nMonica Geller: You go girl. I can't pull that off can I?\nRoss Geller: Excuse me, your, your, your wind?\nRachel Green: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?\nRoss Geller: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that.\nRachel Green: Ok, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-um, um-um.\nRachel Green: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damnit!\nJoey Tribbiani: What is it?\nRoss Geller: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: What, what's that?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.\nRoss Geller: Open it, open in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Woah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?\nRoss Geller: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh.\nRoss Geller: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari?\nJoey Tribbiani: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.\nRoss Geller: Well I guess you can start by drivin a cab on Another World.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: That audition.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a two line part.\nRoss Geller: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what.\nRoss Geller: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.\nRoss Geller: Toilet paper?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just being realistic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend.\nRoss Geller: I am your friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'\nRoss Geller: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.\nRoss Geller: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.\nRoss Geller: Huh, I'm just saying...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well don't just say.\nRoss Geller: Ya know, maybe, maybe I should just go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Ok. I'll see ya later. Just think about it, ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?\nEddie Menuek: Hey pal.\nChandler Bing: Ahhhh-gaaaahhh. Eddie what're you still doin' here?\nEddie Menuek: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!\nChandler Bing: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?\nEddie Menuek: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.\nChandler Bing: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?\nEddie Menuek: Well, not unless it's got something to do with dehydrating my man because right now I'm a dehydrating maniac!\nChandler Bing: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...\nEddie Menuek: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?\nChandler Bing: Your last roommate's kidney?\nEddie Menuek: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.\nGunther: Lemonade? You ok man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.\nGunther: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I fell down an elevator shaft.\nGunther: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nGunther: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.\nChandler Bing: Daaahhhh!\nMonica Geller: Aaahhhhhhh! Aaahhhh!\nChandler Bing: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There'll be no more watching me sleep, no more watching.\nMonica Geller: I wa-\nChandler Bing: Uuuh.\nEddie Menuek: Hey man, check it out, I got some great stuff to dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots, I thought it would be really cool to see what happens with these water balloons.\nChandler Bing: Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.\nEddie Menuek: What?\nChandler Bing: You, move out. Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and GET OUT!\nEddie Menuek: You, you want, you want me to move out?\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh.\nEddie Menuek: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?\nChandler Bing: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.\nEddie Menuek: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!\nChandler Bing: You want some help.\nEddie Menuek: No help required Chico.\nJoey Tribbiani: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.\nCasting Guy: Excuse me, that's 50 bucks.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nCasting Guy: Five oh dollars.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.\nCasting Guy: That's great.\nJoey Tribbiani: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.\nCasting Guy: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.\nJoey Tribbiani: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.\nMonica Geller: And I would have to say pah-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: Do you not remember the puppet guy?\nRachel Green: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.\nMonica Geller: And his puppet too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.\nMonica Geller: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Paul.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.\nMonica Geller: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.\nRachel Green: Not uh, not to my recollection.\nMonica Geller: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.\nRachel Green: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.\nRachel Green: Well not when they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica.\nMonica Geller: One hour? You are such a leaf blower.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, what's goin' on?\nJoey Tribbiani: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.\nRoss Geller: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.\nJoey Tribbiani: I went.\nRoss Geller: Great, how did it go?\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't get it.\nRoss Geller: Good for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: You're livin' the dream.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh?\nRoss Geller: All right then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, not my parrot.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't watch this.\nRoss Geller: Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?\nMover: 1200.\nRoss Geller: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.\nRoss Geller: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?\nMover: Uh, the dog.\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nMover: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I'll take it. My gift to you man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.\nRachel Green: Here are your cakes.\nMonica Geller: We didn't order cake.\nRachel Green: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.\nMonica Geller: You're right.\nRachel Green: You know.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck your wind again.\nRachel Green: Thank you. So are we good?\nMonica Geller: We're good.\nRachel Green: We're good?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're gonna take that out of my paycheck.\nChandler Bing: Ding dong, the psycho's gone.\nMonica Geller: Are you sure this time?\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!\nEddie Menuek: Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.\nMonica Geller: There is no alley behind Macy's.\nEddie Menuek: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?\nChandler Bing: Our next cocktail party?\nEddie Menuek: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.\nChandler Bing: Eddie, do you remember yesterday?\nEddie Menuek: Uh yes, I think I vaguely recall it.\nChandler Bing: Do you remember talking to me yesterday?\nEddie Menuek: Uh, yes.\nChandler Bing: So what happened?\nEddie Menuek: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.\nChandler Bing: Oh sweet Moses.\nMonica Geller: So on this road trip, did you guys win any money?\nEddie Menuek: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?\nMonica Geller: Nice.\nEddie Menuek: Yeah. Well see ya upstairs. See ya pals.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is anyone else starting to really like him?\nChandler Bing: May I help you?\nEddie Menuek: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my stuff doin' downstairs?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm, I'm sorry... Ahhh. Have we met?\nEddie Menuek: It's Eddie you freak, your roommate.\nChandler Bing: I, I'm sorry, I uh I already have a roommate.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he's lived here for years, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about man.\nEddie Menuek: No he, he moved out and I moved in.\nChandler Bing: Well I, I think we'd remember something like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know I would.\nEddie Menuek: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey no problem.\nChandler Bing: See ya. Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?\nJoey Tribbiani: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...\nChandler Bing: Welcome home man.\nJoey Tribbiani: A little foos?\nChandler Bing: Absolutely.\nJoey Tribbiani: What happened to the foosball?\nChandler Bing: Ah that's a cantelope.\nChandler Bing: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?\nJoey Tribbiani: He paid a lot of money for it.\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.\nChandler Bing: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Watcha guys doin?\nRichard Burke: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: What're you talkin' about?\nPhoebe Buffay: C'mon, happy family gets a dog, frontier fun.\nRoss Geller: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?\nPhoebe Buffay: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?\nRachel Green: That's not the end.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.\nMonica Geller: What about the part where he has rabies?\nPhoebe Buffay: He doesn't have rabies, he has babies. That's what my mom said.\nRichard Burke: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.\nPhoebe Buffay: What, what's about to happen? I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END.\nMonica Geller: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.\nMonica Geller: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.\nChandler Bing: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, Monica, we've got a question.\nMonica Geller: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'\nMonica Geller: Ok. Hey, why don't you ask Richard?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?\nRichard Burke: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.\nChandler Bing: Ok, that's Eric.\nRichard Burke: Glad to be of help. Matches.\nMonica Geller: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.\nChandler Bing: I don't know, Richard's really nice and everything, uh, it's just that we don't know him really well, ya know, and plus he's, ya know, old -er than some people, but, uh, younger than some buildings.\nMonica Geller: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag.\nJoey Tribbiani: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?\nChandler Bing: Ok, this could be tough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, you almost had it.\nRoss Geller: No no, you're fine, you're fine.\nCarol Willick: Hello\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nSusan Bunch: Hey.\nCarol Willick: Hi honey.\nRoss Geller: Oh you guys are not gonna believe what happened.\nCarol Willick: What?\nSusan Bunch: What?\nRoss Geller: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.\nCarol Willick: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.\nSusan Bunch: You can watch our tape if you want.\nRoss Geller: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?\nCarol Willick: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.\nRoss Geller: Ooh, I, I'm so sick of missing stuff. Ya know, I want him for more than, than a day, I want him for a whole weekend. No listen , I mean, I feel like-\nRoss Geller: Really? I mean, I, I had a whole speach prepared.\nSusan Bunch: Oh shout, that would have been fun.\nRoss Geller: Oh look, did, did you just see that? Did you see? He just waved, he just waved, he's never waved before, you've never waved before. Yes he has. Very good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey Phoebs, whatcha got there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, Love Story, Brian's Song, and Terms of Endearment.\nMonica Geller: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.\nMonica Geller: So'd you guys have fun?\nChandler Bing: Your boyfriend is so cool.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.\nRachel Green: Wow, he must like you the best.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats .\nChandler Bing: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car .\nJoey Tribbiani: No problem. Hey Chandler\nChandler Bing: I think they get it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nChandler Bing: There's the man.\nJoey Tribbiani: He-he-eyy.\nRichard Burke: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok. He kept my dollar.\nMonica Geller: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what're you guys gonna do?\nCarol Willick: Uh, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.\nSusan Bunch: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.\nRoss Geller: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.\nCarol Willick: Think I better go before mommy starts weeping.\nRoss Geller: Buy mommy.\nRoss Geller: Have a good time. Ok, Ben.\nMonica Geller: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Look. Joey, do you know we can see you from here?\nJoey Tribbiani: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?\nRoss Geller: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.\nMonica Geller: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not like him, per-se, just not un-like him.\nRoss Geller: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Just tryin' somethin' here, ya know.\nMonica Geller: So Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you really sidestepped that land mine.\nChandler Bing: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.\nMonica Geller: You're meeting Richard?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we're goin' to a Ranger game.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?\nMonica Geller: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.\nChandler Bing: You hear that? We're the guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: We're the guys.\nMonica Geller: With that moustache doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da. Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your momies you said it anyway so you might as well try.\nRachel Green: No luck huh?\nRoss Geller: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, which I thought, ya know, might turn into sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take this off.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah sure, Ok.\nRoss Geller: What're you doing?\nRachel Green: Uh, I'm holding Ben.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, he's a baby not a bomb.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Well just hold him like you'd hold a football.\nRachel Green: This is how I would hold a football.\nRoss Geller: Ok, here, here. There we go.\nRachel Green: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I mean, you know, since I was one.\nRoss Geller: It's alright, it's no big deal.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, definitely, I'm sure you'll feel totally different when it's our baby.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: You think about stuff like that?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, yeah. I mean, actually I kinda think that we'll have, we'll have two babies.\nRachel Green: Two, two babies?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.\nRachel Green: Then what's gonna happen?\nRoss Geller: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.\nRachel Green: Wow. Wow, that's great. Great. Ok, wow, you know what.\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nRachel Green: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRichard Burke: Hey Phoebs, what's happening?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.\nMonica Geller: So you watched the movies huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.\nRichard Burke: Charlotte who?\nPhoebe Buffay: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.\nMonica Geller: Alright, you wanna feel better?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Ok, here, watch this.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this.\nMonica Geller: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.\nRichard Burke: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?\nPhoebe Buffay: Phoebe, just watch that, I promise it will resotre all your faith in humanity.\nChandler Bing: Hey, big guy, game time.\nRichard Burke: Hey, be right there.\nMonica Geller: There's a game?\nChandler Bing: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.\nRichard Burke: It's the basketball playoffs.\nMonica Geller: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.\nRichard Burke: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'\nMonica Geller: Alright that's great, then just go. Go Knicks.\nRichard Burke: Uh, it's the college playoffs.\nMonica Geller: Oh, then go Vassar.\nRichard Burke: Uh, they're not in it.\nMonica Geller: Ok, then just go.\nRichard Burke: Ok.\nMonica Geller: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nMonica Geller: It's just that he doesn't have that much free time, ya know, and I don't know, what do I do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.\nRachel Green: Aghh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too.\nMonica Geller: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.\nRachel Green: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.\nMonica Geller: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there. Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles.\nRoss Geller: Ok, what the hell happened back there?\nRachel Green: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.\nRoss Geller: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.\nRachel Green: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.\nRoss Geller: C'mon, what, you never think about our future?\nRachel Green: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.\nRoss Geller: No, no, I mean, ya know, I, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily and I thought, I thought that might be good.\nRachel Green: What was the book?\nRoss Geller: The big book of childrens' names.\nRachel Green: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.\nRoss Geller: Ok fine.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: We're not done.\nRachel Green: I didn't know that.\nRoss Geller: Ok, then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows that we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough, 'cause you're gonna have to deal with that.\nRachel Green: Fine, I will.\nRoss Geller: Good, 'cause I love you.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well I love you too.\nRoss Geller: Well that's the first time we've said that.\nRachel Green: Yes it is.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm gonna kiss you.\nRachel Green: Well you better.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.\nMonica Geller: Did you like it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.\nMonica Geller: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, \"It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does.\"\nChandler Bing: Kick save and... denied.\nRichard Burke: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?\nJoey Tribbiani: Man you are incredible.\nRichard Burke: Well, we had a table in college.\nChandler Bing: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.\nRichard Burke: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.\nMonica Geller: Honey. Uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.\nRichard Burke: Ok, just one more point.\nMonica Geller: Score! Now can we go?\nChandler Bing: See, that's why we don't let her play.\nRichard Burke: Is everything all right?\nMonica Geller: Um-hmm.\nRichard Burke: Uh-oh.\nChandler Bing: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.\nRichard Burke: Well.\nJoey Tribbiani: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.\nRichard Burke: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.\nChandler Bing: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooooo.\nChandler Bing: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.\nRichard Burke: Uh-huh, yeah.\nChandler Bing: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad, Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.\nRichard Burke: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.\nMonica Geller: Nighty-nite.\nChandler Bing: You're not a dad. You're not a dad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not a dad.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you got us into trouble.\nMonica Geller: So are you ok?\nRichard Burke: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.\nMonica Geller: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.\nRichard Burke: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well they suck too.\nRoss Geller: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.\nRachel Green: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nCarol Willick: It's us.\nRoss Geller: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together.\nRachel Green: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.\nBen Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you just say hi? Oh my God, Ross, Ross, Ben just said 'Hi'.\nRoss Geller: Wha, what?\nRachel Green: Ben just said hi.\nRoss Geller: What, the word hi?\nRachel Green: Ye-, no, my Uncle Hi.\nRoss Geller: Great, great, and I miss that too, I miss everything.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I just bring it out in him.\nRachel Green: Guess what. Ben just said his first word.\nCarol Willick: What did he say?\nRoss Geller: Something about hi.\nSusan Bunch: That's so exciting.\nCarol Willick: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.\nRachel Green: You know, actually it's more like, hi.\nCarol Willick: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nCarol Willick: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nCarol Willick: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nCarol Willick: Hi.\nSusan Bunch: Ok, this could go on for a while.\nCarol Willick: We've got a cab waiting downstairs.\nRoss Geller: Well, this was fun. Uh, we should really do it again sometime, wha'dya say? Ok. Alright so I've got him.\nCarol Willick: Tuesday.\nRoss Geller: Tuesday right. Ok, bye you guys.\nRachel Green: Take care.\nRoss Geller: Bye Ben.\nBen Geller: Bye.\nRachel Green: Did, did he just, did he, did he just say, he said bye. He said bye. You said, you said bye to me. You said bye to me.\nSusan Bunch: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.\nCarol Willick: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.\nBen Geller: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nBen Geller: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nBen Geller: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nErnie: Oh wow, look at this nice deep hole I've been digging. Hey Bert, isn't this a nice hole here. Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go.\nErnie: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm so glad you're here."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business channel?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.\nRachel Green: Ok honey, you really need a job.\nRoss Geller: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows someone you can call for an interview.\nMonica Geller: Really.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.\nRoss Geller: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name.\nEveryone: Ahh.\nPhoebe Buffay: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken.\nMonica Geller: His indian name?\nPhoebe Buffay: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.\nRoss Geller: Freakish.\nMonica Geller: Wow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Freaky.\nMonica Geller: Weird, weird.\nRachel Green: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.\nChandler Bing: Man, I am so beat.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you just wanna forget about raquetball and hang out here?\nRoss Geller: Yeah alright.\nBig Bully: Hey you're in our seats.\nRoss Geller: Oh, sorry we didn't know.\nLittle Bully: Hey, we were sitting there.\nChandler Bing: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?\nLittle Bully: Is that supposed to be funny?\nChandler Bing: No actually, I was just going for colorful.\nBig Bully: What's with this guy?\nLittle Bully: What's with you?\nRoss Geller: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him. Enjoy your coffee.\nChandler Bing: What just happened?\nLittle Bully: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.\nChandler Bing: That, that is funny. Can I have it back?\nLittle Bully: No.\nChandler Bing: No?\nBig Bully: No.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.\nBig Bully: Why should we?\nRoss Geller: Because it's a special hat. See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...\nChandler Bing: Stop talking, stop talking now. Let me just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat?\nBig Bully: You got a problem with that?\nChandler Bing: No, just wanna make sure we're on the same page.\nRachel Green: Hey, how'd the interview go?\nMonica Geller: It bit. It was a 50's theme restraunt. I have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean I was a chef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I take a job where I have to make something called Laverne and Curly Fries?\nRachel Green: So don't do it.\nMonica Geller: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the bank.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, relax, go get a beer.\nMonica Geller: I don't want a beer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who said it was for you?\nRachel Green: What's the matter with you?\nChandler Bing: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.\nRachel Green: Noo.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're kiddin'.\nRoss Geller: It was ridiculous. Ya know, these guys, they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.\nRachel Green: Oohhh.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Ohhh Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, woah, let's go down there and get your hat back.\nChandler Bing: Na, forget it, it's probably stripped and sold for parts by now.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I went up.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do what?\nMonica Geller: Put all my money in me.\nRachel Green: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know the first thing about the stock market.\nMonica Geller: What's to know? Buy sell, high low, bears bulls... Yes Manhattan...yeah telephone number of the stock...selling store.\nJoey Tribbiani: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, here we go. For the first time in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'.\nRachel Green: We love you, we're here for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah good luck, good luck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some sandwich?\nRachel Green: Ohh, what is in that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.\nRachel Green: No no, 'cause mayo, that would make it gross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, hey, no, oh oh.\nRachel Green: Run Phoebe run.\nPhoebe Buffay: No no no, doggie please. Oh, I do so wanna love all animals, please no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone?\nRachel Green: Are you kidding me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. Ok, alright, we have a problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline.\nRachel Green: Ok, here, I know what we can do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey no.\nRachel Green: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you crazy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. Ahhh.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?\nRoss Geller: Do you say this stuff to girls?\nBig Bully: Hehehehey, isn't that the guy who used to wear your hat?\nLittle Bully: And look where they're sitting.\nRoss Geller: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through the door.\nBig Bully: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough.\nLittle Bully: Yeah.\nBig Bully: This couch belongs to us.\nChandler Bing: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.\nBig Bully: You know what I keep wondering? Why you two are still sitting here.\nRoss Geller: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.\nGunther: Fellas, these guys were here first.\nBig Bully: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.\nLittle Bully: Sorry.\nGunther: There you go.\nRoss Geller: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that.\nLittle Bully: He told on us?\nBig Bully: You told on us?\nRoss Geller: Well pal, you didn't give me much of a choice.\nChandler Bing: Don't play with his things.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nBig Bully: Alright, let's take this outside.\nRoss Geller: Let's, let's take this outside? Who talks like that?\nBig Bully: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that.\nChandler Bing: You had to ask.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not gonna fight you guys.\nLittle Bully: Well then here's the deal, you won't have to so long as never ever show your faces in this coffee house ever again.\nChandler Bing: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I don't know.\nRachel Green: What's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.\nRachel Green: Yeah Phoebe, I completely understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go home?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again\nPhoebe Buffay: What was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.\nMonica Geller: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJ and I wanna buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank you. Wooo.\nRachel Green: Time is money my friend?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.'\nMonica Geller: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast, what have you done?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I saved $3.50.\nRachel Green: How did you make $17.\nMonica Geller: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.\nJoey Tribbiani: How come those?\nMonica Geller: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.\nRachel Green: What happened to uh, MEG.?\nMonica Geller: MEG was good for me but I dumped her. Ya know, my motto is get out before they go down.\nJoey Tribbiani: That is so not my motto.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how's the dog?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.\nRachel Green: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?\nPhoebe Buffay: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'll do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok.\nMonica Geller: DON'T...be too long with the phone.\nRachel Green: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a woman.\nPhoebe Buffay: So talk to her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye.\nRachel Green: Why the voice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hard to say.\nChandler Bing: Your cappucino sir.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.\nRoss Geller: Absolutely.\nRoss Geller: How come it's not mixing with the water?\nChandler Bing: Well the package says you have to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, never let it settle.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: No?\nRoss Geller: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys.\nChandler Bing: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: By someone besides Monica?\nRoss Geller: No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'.\nChandler Bing: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.\nMonica Geller: I need to borrow a hundred bucks.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Hi, welcome home. I need to borrow a hundred bucks.\nRachel Green: For what?\nMonica Geller: I've gotta get back in the game.\nRachel Green: Why, when did you get out of the game?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, I lost it all ok. I lost it.\nRachel Green: Oh no.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I've come to terms with it, you have to too.\nRachel Green: Ok. Look uhh, Mon I'm, I'm really sorry.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?\nRachel Green: I, I don't have it.\nMonica Geller: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.\nRachel Green: Nobody does honey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMrs. Buffay: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?\nPhoebe Buffay: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.\nMrs. Buffay: What are these, stitches?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast.\nMrs. Buffay: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's left of him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.\nMrs. Buffay: How do you know Frank?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?\nMrs. Buffay: Yeah. Frank.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah. What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior.\nMrs. Buffay: He went out for groceries.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok so will he be back soon?\nMrs. Buffay: Well he left four years ago so we're expecting him back any minute now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey lady. Hey wait up. How do you know my dad?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um well I don't really. Just genetically. He's kinda my dad too.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Heavy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. So um, did he ever talk about me, Phoebe?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No but he didn't really talk about anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Except stilts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Stilts?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I was stealing cigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all of a sudden I look over and there's my dad's head bobbing past the window. He just had this big smile on his face and he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was on his stilts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know what to do with that.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Me neither. So you're like my big sister.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: This is huge, you can buy me beer.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I gotta friend named Mark.\nPhoebe Buffay: That'll work too.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, that'd be ok.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Alright.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I'm in the book.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Ok, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright. So um, stilts huh?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show you where he hit his head on the rain gutter.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?\nChandler Bing: Would you come on! Come on! Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Ah, there we go.\nRoss Geller: I think we proved our point.\nChandler Bing: You burn your mouth?\nRoss Geller: Cannot feel my tounge.\nChandler Bing: Bullies, big bullies.\nLittle Bully: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies.\nBig Bully: Did we not make ourselves clear the other day.\nRoss Geller: Yes, and that's why we're here.\nChandler Bing: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently.\nLittle Bully: Let's do this alright.\nRoss Geller: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?\nLittle Bully: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.\nChandler Bing: Alright, let's do this.\nLittle Bully: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?\nRoss Geller: Whad'ya mean?\nChandler Bing: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.\nBig Bully: No, you can't use your watch.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nBig Bully: Or your keys.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nLittle Bully: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.\nRoss Geller: Before I forget, are we hitting faces?\nBig Bully: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces?\nRoss Geller: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.\nLittle Bully: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.\nBig Bully: Ok, nothing from the neck up. Or the waist down. Dana's ovulating.\nLittle Bully: Oh really, you guys tryin' again?\nBig Bully: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Ok, so let me just get this straight. So we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?\nBig Bully: C'MON!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, woah, you want some of this, huh? You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.\nChandler Bing: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nBig Bully: Hey.\nRoss Geller: God, that was, that was amazing, that was incredible. You guys, you guys kicked butt.\nLittle Bully: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.\nRoss Geller: Yeah he was wasn't he.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.\nBig Bully: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.\nRoss Geller: So, listen guys, are we uh, are we ok here?\nLittle Bully: We're ok.\nRoss Geller: Alright.\nChandler Bing: Ok so, can I have my hat back?\nLittle Bully: No.\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nRachel Green: Look at her.\nChandler Bing: Hi Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: He-he-he, how's it goin'?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey nice boobs.\nChandler Bing: Guys guys, check this out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon.\nEveryone: Ohhh.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?\nMonica Geller: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?\nRoss Geller: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?\nJoey Tribbiani: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.\nMonica Geller: Alright. If you guys don't want it to be special, fine. You can throw any kind of party you want.\nMonica Geller: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See honk honk.\nChandler Bing: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.\nRoss Geller: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.\nMonica Geller: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon and Emma and Shannon Cooper.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.\nChandler Bing: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.\nMonica Geller: Joey that is horriable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I didn't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok.\nRoss Geller: Hi honey, how did it go?\nRachel Green: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.\nChandler Bing: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.\nRachel Green: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.\nMonica Geller: So what happened?\nRachel Green: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.\nMonica Geller: Well, how bout just her mom?\nChandler Bing: Why her mom?\nMonica Geller: Cause I already invited her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, here are the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake?\nMonica Geller: Ok, we're not having birthday cake, we're having birthday flan.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me?\nMonica Geller: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.\nMonica Geller: Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?\nLeonard Green: What? The father can't drop by to see the daughter on her birthday?\nMonica Geller: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye.\nLeonard Green: Ohhh, you're having a parteee.\nMonica Geller: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.\nLeonard Green: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it?\nChandler Bing: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?\nSandra Green: Hi Monica.\nMonica Geller: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.\nChandler Bing: So, basically just a Chinese guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.\nLeonard Green: Alright, that sounds like a two person job.\nSandra Green: Well, my goodness, what was that?\nMonica Geller: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.\nSandra Green: You thought I was Rachel?\nChandler Bing: Yes because uh, you look so young.\nPhoebe Buffay: And because you're both, you know, white women.\nSandra Green: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom?\nChandler Bing: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.\nSandra Green: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.\nChandler Bing: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.\nMonica Geller: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.\nChandler Bing: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?\nMonica Geller: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right this is staging.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is clearly in the wrong apartment.\nChandler Bing: Alright you guys are off to party number one and you, you are off to party number two Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.\nMonica Geller: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? Alright that's Ross.\nChandler Bing: Ok, they're coming, shhh.\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank you for the wonderful dinner.\nRoss Geller: Thanks for being born.\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank you for my beautiul earrings, they're perfect. I love you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, ok.\nRachel Green: Now I love you even more.\nEveryone: Surprise.\nRachel Green: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god. Mom. This is so great.\nSandra Green: Happy birthday sweetie.\nRachel Green: Wow you, you. I had no idea.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: No, I knew.\nRoss Geller: All right.\nMonica Geller: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.\nRachel Green: Why.\nMonica Geller: Just go.\nEveryone: Surprise.\nLeonard Green: Happy birthday sweetpea.\nRachel Green: Daddy.\nRachel Green: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?\nChandler Bing: Well, we could count again.\nRachel Green: I can't believe this is happening.\nRoss Geller: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.\nRachel Green: I do.\nRoss Geller: That's who.\nChandler Bing: Look, are you gonna be ok?\nRachel Green: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.\nChandler Bing: Well, actually just one birthday flan.\nRachel Green: What?\nChandler Bing: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.\nChandler Bing: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Quick volleyball question.\nChandler Bing: Volleyball.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?\nChandler Bing: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.\nGirl's Voice: Dennis.\nChandler Bing: Ok, that's me.\nRachel Green: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.\nRoss Geller: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?\nRachel Green: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok.\nMonica Geller: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.\nRoss Geller: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery...game?\nLeonard Green: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.\nMonica Geller: Listen you guys, I don't mean to be a pain about this but, um, I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on. You wanna push the caps until you hear them click. Gunther, where're you going?\nGunther: I um, was sorta thinking about maybe...\nMonica Geller: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's your marker.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen if you wanna go, just go.\nGunther: No, she'll yell at me again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, I can get you out.\nGunther: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.\nLeonard Green: I think I need a drink.\nRoss Geller: Oh, here, I, I'll get it for ya. Whad'ya want?\nLeonard Green: Scotch.\nRoss Geller: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.\nLeonard Green: Neat.\nRoss Geller: Cool.\nLeonard Green: No no no, no no no, neat, as in no rocks.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nLeonard Green: Oh hello Ross, where have you been?\nRoss Geller: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.\nSandra Green: Oh, scotch neat. Ya know, that's Rachel's father's drink.\nRoss Geller: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?\nLeonard Green: I'm getting my cigarettes out of my jacket.\nRoss Geller: No. no.\nLeonard Green: Whad'ya mean no?\nRoss Geller: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.\nLeonard Green: Get my glasses too.\nRoss Geller: All righty roo. What a great moment to say that for the first time.\nMonica Geller: Ok, the first person's most embarassing memory is, 'Monica, your party sucks.' Very funny.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?\nMonica Geller: What? I don't see anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great, I'm seeing water rings again.\nJudy Geller: Ross, whose glasses are those?\nRoss Geller: Mine.\nSandra Green: You wear bi-focals?\nRoss Geller: Um-hmm. I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.\nSandra Green: Did you know my husband has glasses just like that?\nRachel Green: Well those are very popular frames.\nRoss Geller: Neil Sedaka wears them.\nGuy: I hear you can get people out of here.\nSandra Green: Rachel, you didn't tell me your boyfriend smoked.\nRachel Green: Yeah, like a chimney.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, big smoker. Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy.\nLeonard Green: Are you wearing my glasses?\nRoss Geller: Yes. I was just warming up the earpieces for you.\nLeonard Green: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.\nGirl 1: What about my friend Victor?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.\nGirl 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.\nPhoebe Buffay: There isn't time. You must leave everything. They'll take care of you next door.\nGirl 1: Is it true they have beer?\nPhoebe Buffay: Everything you've heard is true.\nMonica Geller: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.\nMonica Geller: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?\nGunther: Um\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.\nMonica Geller: Ya know, my party is fun. I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sorta fun but, you know, if people would just give it a chance...\nRachel Green: You want me to see a therapist?\nSandra Green: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.\nRachel Green: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.\nLeonard Green: Did you know your mother spent $1200 dollars on bansai trees. I felt like Gulliver around that place.\nRachel Green: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.\nSandra Green: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.\nLeonard Green: You work and you work and you work on a boat...\nSandra Green: He always ridiculed my pottery classs...\nLeonard Green: ...and you sand it and you varnish it...\nSandra Green: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.\nLeonard Green: ...and her yoga and her Bridges of Madison County...\nSandra Green: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...\nLeonard Green: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...\nSandra Green: ...I may have only been in therapy for three weeks now dear but...\nLeonard Green: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...\nChandler Bing: Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins. Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.\nRachel Green: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?\nChandler Bing: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.\nRachel Green: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.\nChandler Bing: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?\nRachel Green: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...\nChandler Bing: I, I know.\nMonica Geller: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys had fun.\nSandra Green: Alright, Monica dear, I'm gonna hit the road. Now I've left my 10 verbs on the table. And you be sure and send me that finished poem.\nMonica Geller: Ok will do. So glad you came.\nSandra Green: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.\nMonica Geller: Ok, let me go check. Your mom want's to say goodbye.\nRachel Green: Oh ok.\nSandra Green: Happy birthday sweetie.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, you drive safe.\nSandra Green: Ross, what're you doing.\nRoss Geller: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. How are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?\nLeonard Green: To get my coat.\nGuys: No no no.\nLeonard Green: Alright, alright, I can get my own coat.\nChandler Bing: Sorry, we're on a major flan high.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, you're not supposed to be here. This is the staging area, you should, it's all wrong, you should leave, ya know, get out. Or perhaps you'd like a creme d'menthe.\nLeonard Green: I have to be heading to my chateau, thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh all right, then I guess we're going back into the hallway.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. Well, ok, you take care.\nSandra Green: Oh, you kids Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Ok everybody, it's time for flan.\nChandler Bing: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.\nMonica Geller: Ok, that's enough.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.\nRachel Green: Ok, I've got one. Wow, those things almost never come true."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna nut muffin left.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I ordered mine first.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...\nMonica Geller: Give it to me.\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: Give it to me.\nChandler Bing: Ok, you can have it.\nMonica Geller: There you go, enjoy your coffee.\nChandler Bing: That was there when I got here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.\nMonica Geller: Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.\nRachel Green: You went out with a guy in the Navy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in Washington Square Park. Ryan threw in salt water taffy 'cause he didn't have any change.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.\nRachel Green: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?\nMonica Geller: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.\nRoss Geller: Hiii.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, what happened?\nRoss Geller: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.\nEveryone: Oh no.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, so if you haven't already had it, chances are you're gonna get it.\nRachel Green: Well I've had it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I've had it.\nMonica Geller: Had it.\nChandler Bing: Had it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. Oh look!\nMonica Geller: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.\nRichard Burke: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.\nRichard Burke: Monica... Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?\nMonica Geller: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.\nRichard Burke: What're you doing?\nMonica Geller: Just waiting for you sweetie.\nRichard Burke: Are you remaking the bed?\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the way you did it was just fine.\nRichard Burke: Then, you're redoing it because...\nMonica Geller: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.\nRichard Burke: You're pretty much running that risk either way.\nMonica Geller: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.\nRichard Burke: Oh, well that's not so crazy.\nMonica Geller: I'm just easing you in.\nRichard Burke: Oh, alright.\nMonica Geller: Alright, you see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me any more do you.\nRichard Burke: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.\nMonica Geller: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.\nChandler Bing: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.\nJoey Tribbiani: But don't you need experience for a job like that?\nChandler Bing: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.\nScott Alexander: Hey Chandler, here's this morning's projections.\nChandler Bing: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.\nScott Alexander: No kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.\nScott Alexander: Where do you work?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.\nChandler Bing: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.\nScott Alexander: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't touch his sandwiches. Ha-ha-ha...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ha-ha. Are all you processors dorks?\nRachel Green: Oh, this lipstick looks just great on you.\nMonica Geller: You look fabulous honey, you really do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? Are you sure, really.\nRachel Green: You see, you look beautiful. For god sakes, dim the lights.\nPhoebe Buffay: I, I, I'm hideous.\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water. He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have barnicles on your butt.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come in.\nRyan: Hey baby, I'm back...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Ryan, what's up?\nRyan: What's goin' on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.\nRyan: Chicken or small?\nPhoebe Buffay: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.\nRyan: Why aren't you at home in bed?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, 'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.\nRyan: I'm sorry, I never had 'em.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, ohh.\nRyan: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.\nRyan: Can I please see your face?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.\nRyan: Your face could be covered with lochs, I wouldn't care.\nPhoebe Buffay: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... Oh, I am scary.\nRyan: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.\nPhoebe Buffay: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.\nRyan: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey, how's the first day goin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.\nChandler Bing: Well there you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.\nChandler Bing: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?\nChandler Bing: Weird world. Your kids?\nJoey Tribbiani: I figure my character has kids.\nChandler Bing: Ya know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.\nChandler Bing: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.\nChandler Bing: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.\nRyan: You know what makes the itching even worse?\nPhoebe Buffay: That you don't stop talking about it.\nRyan: Fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. Here we go, double sixes, here we go... Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...\nRyan: What're you doing? Are you scratching?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.\nRyan: You're scratching. Give me the dice.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRyan: Give me the dice.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. Here. There. Ooh, double sixes.\nRyan: We can't scratch. You know we can't, we'll scar.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body.\nRyan: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Give it.\nRyan: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good.\nRyan: Oh God help me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.\nRachel Green: Oh, stop that, stop that right now.\nRoss Geller: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.\nJoey Tribbiani: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.\nJeannie: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie.\nJeannie: Bye bye Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What a phony.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sir.\nMr. Douglas: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, we're not gonna receive the systems report until next Friday?\nChandler Bing: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.\nMr. Douglas: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah Bing, what's that about?\nChandler Bing: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.\nMr. Douglas: Rough numbers?\nJoey Tribbiani: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas.\nMr. Douglas: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday.\nChandler Bing: Uh, if you say so sir.\nJoey Tribbiani: Joseph's good, isn't he?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm going to kill you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.\nRichard Burke: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?\nMonica Geller: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.\nRichard Burke: You're strict.\nMonica Geller: It's for their own good.\nRichard Burke: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.\nMonica Geller: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?\nRichard Burke: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.\nMonica Geller: Very good.\nRichard Burke: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: You know what. Tomorrow I'm gonna do your clocks.\nRichard Burke: You're gonna do what to my clocks.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna set them to my time.\nRichard Burke: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time.\nMonica Geller: No no. See, in my bedroom I set my clock six minutes fast. You wanna know why?\nRichard Burke: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen.\nMonica Geller: No forget it, I'm not gonna tell you now.\nRichard Burke: No come on. Come on tell me.\nMonica Geller: No. See you don't understand.\nRichard Burke: Come on.\nMonica Geller: No. You don't have any of these cute little obsessive things.\nRichard Burke: No that's not true. That is not true.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah.\nRichard Burke: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Alright, well tell me one of yours.\nRichard Burke: Ok. Ahh. One of my things is, I always separate my sweat socks from my dress socks.\nMonica Geller: What if they get mixed up?\nRichard Burke: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.\nMonica Geller: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.\nRichard Burke: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.\nChandler Bing: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me?\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project.\nChandler Bing: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. Anyway, I just thought you should know.\nChandler Bing: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph.\nChandler Bing: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.\nChandler Bing: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.\nJoey Tribbiani: Karen.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.\nChandler Bing: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nChandler Bing: No freakshow, she's fictional.\nJoey Tribbiani: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.\nChandler Bing: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.\nRachel Green: No sorry hon, Monica's orders.\nRyan: Well that wasn't easy.\nRoss Geller: Ok, dinner's on.\nRachel Green: And there's a peach cobbler warming in the oven so the plate's gonna be hot but that shouldn't be a problem for you.\nRoss Geller: Alright you kids, bye now.\nRoss Geller: Oh look, a low budget puppet show.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.\nRyan: Wine?\nPhoebe Buffay: Please.\nRyan: Oh, I spilled some.\nPhoebe Buffay: I got it.\nRyan: I must tell you, you look beautiful tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRyan: Sorry. You look beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know what, that's it, that's it.\nRichard Burke: Monica, wake up. Monica.\nMonica Geller: What's up?\nRichard Burke: I thought of a thing.\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nRichard Burke: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.\nMonica Geller: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.\nRichard Burke: Or so I would have you believe.\nMonica Geller: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.\nRichard Burke: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.\nMonica Geller: Alright, go on.\nRichard Burke: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, you're a freak.\nRichard Burke: Yeah. How 'bout that.\nRachel Green: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?\nRyan: I really can't say.\nRoss Geller: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?\nRyan: I can't say.\nRachel Green: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.\nRyan: I'm sorry, but I can't say.\nRoss Geller: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.\nRyan: I better get out of here, I'm gonna miss my flight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, I'll walk you out.\nRoss Geller: Bye Ryan.\nRyan: Pleasure.\nRachel Green: It was nice to meet you.\nRyan: Take care.\nRachel Green: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?\nRoss Geller: You like that do ya?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nRoss Geller: I'll make some calls.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nRyan: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks together?\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that.\nRyan: Taxi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye you.\nRachel Green: Oh I'm sorry, we're clo-... Hey sailor.\nRoss Geller: Is this what you had in mind?\nRachel Green: I'll say.\nRoss Geller: I'm shipping out tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Well then uh, we better make this night count. Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.\nRoss Geller: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you upstairs."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.\nEveryone: Who?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.\nEveryone: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.\nChandler Bing: 'Cause he was just so darn cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.\nRoss Geller: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. Or you just do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I did do it, I'm a professional.\nMonica Geller: Then what's the problem?\nJoey Tribbiani: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing Ooh.\nChandler Bing: Hey, what did your agent say?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.\nMonica Geller: What, forget it!\nRachel Green: Yeah, right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, I need your help here.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. I'll do it, I kissed him before I can do it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: You see this, this is a friend.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, let's go. Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?\nMonica Geller: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that makes sense.\nRoss Geller: Over my dead body!\nChandler Bing: And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.\nRoss Geller: Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, you look so good!\nRachel Green: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.\nRoss Geller: So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.\nRachel Green: Because I promised Mindy I would.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well you promised Barry, you'd marry him.\nRachel Green: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?\nChandler Bing: I may have.\nMonica Geller: Woo-hoo, stuud!\nRoss Geller: What's she look like?\nChandler Bing: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.\nMonica Geller: Woo-hoo, geeek!\nChandler Bing: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defended and quipy...\nRoss Geller: Get out!\nRachel Green: Nooo!\nMonica Geller: Please!\nChandler Bing: Well she totally called me on it, okay. She said, 'cut it out, get real', and I did.\nRachel Green: Wow! What's that like?\nChandler Bing: It's like this, me, no jokes.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.\nRichard Burke: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.\nEveryone: Bye, Richard.\nMonica Geller: Bye sweetie, I love you.\nRichard Burke: I love you, too.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think my boyfriend ever so dreamy, I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? What wedding?\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, like you never talk that.\nMonica Geller: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'\nRachel Green: Afraid to ask him?\nMonica Geller: Could not be more terrified.\nChandler Bing: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.\nMonica Geller: Where's Benny? There he is! Where's Benny, there he is.\nRichard Burke: Awww! You know that's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to cut it out.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you know I got a question for ya. Just a little thing, no pressure.\nRichard Burke: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Did you ever, uh, like, think about the future?\nRichard Burke: Sure I do.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, am I in it?\nRichard Burke: Honey, you are in it.\nMonica Geller: Oh God, you are about to get sooo lucky.\nRichard Burke: Oh, yeah!\nMonica Geller: Keep talkin'.\nRichard Burke: Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.\nMonica Geller: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?\nRichard Burke: Like a hound?\nMonica Geller: Not a basset, a bassinet.\nRichard Burke: You really need the bassinet?\nMonica Geller: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.\nRichard Burke: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nRichard Burke: Look I want you, now.\nMonica Geller: That's Great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much. Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone.\nChandler Bing: Joey, no means no!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon .\nRoss Geller: Get away from me I said no!\nMonica Geller: Richard buzzed. He's waiting downstairs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to him\nEveryone: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye, good luck.\nPhoebe Buffay: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that .\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.\nPhoebe Buffay: What does she mean by HH?\nChandler Bing: It means we're holding hands.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you the cutest?\nChandler Bing: I'm afraid I might just be.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a guy.\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.\nPhoebe Buffay: It could be like a big giant guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I got this close to him and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.\nChandler Bing: How do you not fall down more?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, ask her 'What is her current method of birth control?'\nChandler Bing: All right. \"My husband is sleeping with his secretary.\" She's married!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well at least we know she's a woman.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe she's married.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw, man I'm sorry . This must be very tough for ya, huh .\nMonica Geller: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.\nRichard Burke: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars. See, we're having fun.\nMonica Geller: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you know I'm not even thinking about that thing that we're not supposed to think about.\nRichard Burke: Neither am I.\nRoss Geller: Hey, there.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Are you all right?\nRachel Green: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.\nRachel Green: God I know, you're right.\nWedding Planner: All rightie, everybody look at me. Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's see two lines, thank you.\nRachel Green: Okay, I'll see you after the thing.\nRoss Geller: Okay, good luck\nRachel Green: Thank you, Okay, Okay.\nRachel Green: Why the hell didn't you tell me!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do stand up and shout 'Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!'\nRachel Green: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.\nRoss Geller: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, would you stop, you got me, I'm dating you.\nMr. Wineburg: Rachel!\nRachel Green: Oh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.\nMr. Wineburg: It's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.\nMrs. Wineburg: You told me you didn't see anything.\nMr. Wineburg: I tell ya a lot things!\nMrs. Wineburg: Well it's wonderful to have you up and about, again, dear.\nMr. Wineburg: Stay well.\nRachel Green: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.\nMindy Hunter: Rach! Rach!\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nMindy Hunter: Oh my God, I'm married!\nRachel Green: I know.\nMindy Hunter: I'm Mrs. Dr. Barry Hunter hyphen Farber.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, I'm so proud of you, Min.\nBarry Farber: Min. Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?\nMindy Hunter: Well uh, after you ran out on your wedding, Barry's parents told people that you were sort of...insane.\nRachel Green: Insane!\nMindy Hunter: ...from the syphilis.\nRachel Green: What?!\nBarry Farber: Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't love me anymore. Come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him...Hello? Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?\nChandler Bing: What's wrong? What's wrong? You're married that's what's wrong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my.\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: She wants to meet you in person.\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.\nPhoebe Buffay: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'll do it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much.\nMonica Geller: Okay, one more, please. Come on, I'm gonna get it in this time, I will.\nRichard Burke: Okay, last chance. Again, I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: You know what, maybe I don't need to have children. You know maybe I just think I do because that is what society, and by that I mean my mom, has always convinced me that I... I do, I have to have children, I'm sorry, I just do.\nBest Man: Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...\nEveryone: What?!\nBest Man: What, you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...\nRachel Green: What.\nBest Man: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out!\nRoss Geller: Uh, I like to, uh, to add something to that...\nRachel Green: Why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding?\nRoss Geller: Most of you don't know me, I'm Rachel's boyfriend.\nRachel Green: Oh dear God.\nRoss Geller: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me Cheers.\nRachel Green: She you in the parking lot.\nRoss Geller: No, Rach!\nBarry Farber: And once again she is out of here. Okay who had 9:45? Um?\nRachel Green: Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings . See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well , I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except... \"Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers , feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would...\"\nRoss Geller: Marenge,\nRachel Green: \"...marenge, thank you honey, and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody..\"\nRoss Geller: Everybody!\nRachel Green: At the Copa, Copa Cabana The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa...\nRichard Burke: Okay, I'll do it.\nMonica Geller: You'll do what?\nRichard Burke: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nRichard Burke: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRichard Burke: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.\nMonica Geller: You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be saying 'okay, let's do it.'\nRichard Burke: But you're not.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.\nRichard Burke: God. I love you.\nMonica Geller: I know you do. Me too. So what now?\nRichard Burke: I guess we just keep dancing.\nChandler Bing: Where is she, Where is she? Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?\nRachel Green: Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: OH...MY...GAWD!!\nEveryone: OH...MY...GOD!!\nRoss Geller: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes .\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.\nEveryone: Did not, she did not wink at you...\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nRoss Geller: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.\nRachel Green: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.\nRachel Green: What song was that, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Monica!\nRoss Geller: Hey Mon!\nRachel Green: Hey Mon!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, has she slept at all?\nRoss Geller: Nope.\nRachel Green: No, it's been three nights in a row.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.\nChandler Bing: Morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. Good morning Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good morning.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.\nChandler Bing: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Kiss her! Kiss her!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.\nChandler Bing: Nope, not this time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, quite yankin' me.\nChandler Bing: I'm not yanking you.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is Janice.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking, that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.\nChandler Bing: I'm not breaking up with her!\nMonica Geller: God, look what I found in the drain.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: It's some of Richard's hair! What do I do with this?\nRoss Geller: Getting it away from me would be job one.\nMonica Geller: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal.\nMonica Geller: God, what is wrong with me.\nRoss Geller: You need to get some sleep.\nMonica Geller: I need to get some Richard.\nRachel Green: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.\nMonica Geller: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why hasn't he called!\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe, because you told him not to.\nMonica Geller: What are you the memory woman?\nJoey Tribbiani: Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.\nRachel Green: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, they're really cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?\nRachel Green: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?\nJoey Tribbiani: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?\nRoss Geller: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right?\nRachel Green: Honey, I was wondering...\nRoss Geller: Hmm?\nRachel Green: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?\nRoss Geller: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.\nRachel Green: Hmm.\nRoss Geller: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.\nRachel Green: You remember not having sex in high school, right?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well honey, what about you?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Come on you gotta have one!\nRoss Geller: Nope.\nRachel Green: Ross, you know what...\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: ...if you tell me, I might do it.\nRoss Geller: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.\nRachel Green: Oooh!\nRoss Geller: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.\nRachel Green: Really!\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.\nRachel Green: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!\nRachel Green: Really! That-that great huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi you guys!\nRoss Geller: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.\nRachel Green: Mon. Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Why aren't you at work?\nMonica Geller: Oh, they-they sent me home.\nRachel Green: Why?\nMonica Geller: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.\nMonica Geller: I know I do.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Guess what?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: They published my paper.\nRachel Green: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach, look! Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. There he is.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wheel!\nChandler Bing: Of!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore!!\nChandler Bing: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say?\nJoey Tribbiani: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?\nChandler Bing: No, Janice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.\nChandler Bing: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. . Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair ?\nChandler Bing: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww, oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.\nChandler Bing: Well, there you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! Don't worry, those are the right letters.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, what do you want me to say?\nChandler Bing: I want you to say that you like her!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.\nChandler Bing: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?\nRoss Geller: How could you have told her?\nRachel Green: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.\nRoss Geller: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.\nRachel Green: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?\nRoss Geller: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.\nRachel Green: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.\nRoss Geller: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.\nRachel Green: Were both of those Joey?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.\nRachel Green: Not even with your best friend.\nRoss Geller: Noo!\nRachel Green: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.\nRoss Geller: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?\nRachel Green: Pretty much.\nRoss Geller: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times?\nRachel Green: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.\nRoss Geller: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.\nPhoebe Buffay: Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.\nMonica Geller: Richard's living room, drinking wine.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything.\nMonica Geller: All right, I'll try not to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky...\nMonica Geller: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees...\nMonica Geller: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook...\nMonica Geller: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So, I hear, you hate me!\nJoey Tribbiani: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you got a 'hate' from that?! Your taking a big leap there...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, We've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea you and me spending some quality time together.\nJoey Tribbiani: But what does that gonna do...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: For Chandler!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. I'm in.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'\nJoey Tribbiani: Does it have to be a whole day?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.\nMonica Geller: So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civil War.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, do you want us to take you home?\nMonica Geller: Uh, huh. Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.\nRoss Geller: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?\nChandler Bing: Umm, yeah.\nRoss Geller: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth...\nChandler Bing: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?\nRoss Geller: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?\nChandler Bing: We're not gonna talk about girth are we?\nRoss Geller: Nooo!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, okay.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! All right! You go first.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, I'll go first.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing...\nChandler Bing: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.\nRoss Geller: Yes!\nChandler Bing: I know!\nRoss Geller: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.\nRoss Geller: Hmph.\nChandler Bing: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place...\nRoss Geller: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!\nChandler Bing: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know... You don't know!\nRoss Geller: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?\nChandler Bing: You said...\nRoss Geller: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! .\nJanice Litman Goralnik: We're baack!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: What are you guys doing together?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!!\nChandler Bing: Really.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler.\nChandler Bing: You still can't stand her can you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.\nChandler Bing: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.\nJoey Tribbiani: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.\nChandler Bing: Well, I guess that's something.\nJoey Tribbiani: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.\nChandler Bing: Oh God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?\nJack Geller: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. Since when did you start smoking cigars?\nMonica Geller: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?\nJack Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.\nMonica Geller: What makes you think that I might not be okay?\nJack Geller: I saw Richard.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nJack Geller: So, how are you doing?\nMonica Geller: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?\nJack Geller: You don't wanna know.\nMonica Geller: No, I really, really do.\nJack Geller: Well, he's doing terrible!\nMonica Geller: Really!\nJack Geller: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.\nMonica Geller: You're not just saying that are you?\nJack Geller: No, the man is a mess.\nMonica Geller: Was he crying?\nJack Geller: No.\nMonica Geller: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry?\nJack Geller: Maybe.\nMonica Geller: I think so.\nJack Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However,\nRachel Green: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?\nRoss Geller: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's\nJudy Geller: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.\nRoss Geller: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.\nChandler Bing: Taste it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, mister tux!\nRoss Geller: Why aren't you guys dressed?\nJoey Tribbiani: We have a half hour.\nRoss Geller: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.\nRoss Geller: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.\nRachel Green: Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.\nRoss Geller: Really.\nRachel Green: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: How come you didn't come over earlier?\nRoss Geller: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Ross, want some cider?\nRoss Geller: No. So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.\nRoss Geller: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.\nRachel Green: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Glass of fat?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?\nRoss Geller: No! Do you wanna hear it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Am I in it?\nRoss Geller: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa!\nRoss Geller: Wow, hello! You look great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you! I know, though.\nRoss Geller: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.\nChandler Bing: All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. Get up.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: You're in my seat.\nJoey Tribbiani: How is this your seat?\nChandler Bing: 'Cause I was sitting there.\nJoey Tribbiani: But then you left.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.\nChandler Bing: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there . Soo...\nRoss Geller: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..\nChandler Bing: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. GET UP!!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nEveryone: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right all ready.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, are you gonna do magic?\nRoss Geller: That's, that's funny. Change!\nMonica Geller: Hang on a second I just got in.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.\nPhoebe Buffay: We could not, would not want to wait.\nRoss Geller: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.\nMonica Geller: Has somebody been drinking my fat?\nRachel Green: You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, you might be the first one.\nMonica Geller: Rach, did you check the machine?\nRachel Green: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.\nChandler Bing: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called Get Up.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! You can have the chair.\nChandler Bing: Really!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my, would you look at that!\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?\" Is that too spooky?\nRoss Geller: \"Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!\"\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Nevermind.\nRichard Burke: \"Monica, it's Richard. Call me.\"\nMonica Geller: Is-is-is that message old or new? Old or new?! Old or new?!\nRoss Geller: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?\nMonica Geller: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?\nChandler Bing: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?\nMonica Geller: Huh?\nRoss Geller: I...got...dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. There we go, there we go.\nChandler Bing: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: What am I gonna do?\nRoss Geller: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.\nMonica Geller: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.\nChandler Bing: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.\nMonica Geller: So, should I call him back?\nThe Guys: Noo! NO!\nChandler Bing: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. I'm soooo, comfortable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.\nChandler Bing: All right!\nRoss Geller: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.\nChandler Bing: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's...sitting in a chair!\nRachel Green: Is this a little too... Pheebs, what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hummus. I got the hummus.\nRachel Green: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket?\nPhoebe Buffay: That won't go with this dress though.\nRachel Green: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.\nRachel Green: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?\nMonica Geller: I called him.\nEveryone: Nooo.\nMonica Geller: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.\nMonica Geller: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, how are you gonna do that?\nMonica Geller: I know the code to his answering machine.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.\nRichard Burke: \"Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone.\"\nMachine: \"You have two new messages.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, what a cool job. 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'\nMonica Geller: \"Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.\nWoman's Voice: Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now she sounded breezy.\nMonica Geller: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, you don't know that.\nMonica Geller: Well, who's voice was that?\nChandler Bing: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.\nMonica Geller: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?\nRoss Geller: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.\nMonica Geller: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!\nRoss Geller: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?\nRachel Green: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you.\nChandler Bing: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, \"Get out of my chair, dillhole!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.\nChandler Bing: The cushions are the essence of the chair!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right! I'm taking the essence.\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.\nRachel Green: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.\nRoss Geller: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.\nRachel Green: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me!\nRachel Green: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!\nRoss Geller: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?\nRachel Green: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.\nChandler Bing: We used them as pillows when we went camping.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: The sheep.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what you do on your own time...\nJoey Tribbiani: Where's my underwear?!\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?\nChandler Bing: He took my essence!\nRoss Geller: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.\nRoss Geller: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.\nChandler Bing: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.\nChandler Bing: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, opposite, is opposite!\nChandler Bing: He's got nothing!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm ready.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'\nChandler Bing: What are you supporting?\nPhoebe Buffay: Duh!! Christmas!\nRoss Geller: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?\nRoss Geller: Just, just, just pick one!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?\nRachel Green: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.\nRachel Green: But I...\nRoss Geller: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.\nRachel Green: All right.\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nMonica Geller: Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.\nRoss Geller: It was, it was her voice.\nChandler Bing: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.\nMichelle Burke: Hola! Hello. Hello?\nMonica Geller: Okay. That was her right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Definitely.\nMonica Geller: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.\nRoss Geller: Yay!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll get it, okay. Hi, Monica and Rachel's. Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.\nMonica Geller: Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that...\nChandler Bing: You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?\nMonica Geller: Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.\nMonica Geller: Okay, fine.\nChandler Bing: They got a phone in there, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.\nRoss Geller: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um.\nRachel Green: I'm not gonna gooo.\nRoss Geller: You're not going to go.\nRachel Green: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.\nRoss Geller: How, how, um how can you not be going?\nRachel Green: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going.\nRoss Geller: Um, you know, just out of curiosity...\nRachel Green: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.\nRoss Geller: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.\nRachel Green: It's fine.\nRoss Geller: No, but, your-your mad.\nRachel Green: I'm not mad.\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: I'm just not going.\nRoss Geller: Your not going.\nRachel Green: Right.\nRoss Geller: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.\nRachel Green: Um, hum.\nRoss Geller: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'\nRachel Green: No.\nRoss Geller: No, because your not upset.\nRachel Green: Right.\nRoss Geller: About the yelling.\nRachel Green: Right, and the humiliating.\nRoss Geller: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.\nRachel Green: Um, hum.\nRoss Geller: We're good.\nRachel Green: Right.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Honey?\nRachel Green: Yes, Ross.\nRoss Geller: I love you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Get away from that! No! She's just getting dressed.\nChandler Bing: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...\nChandler Bing: Oooo-ooh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!\nChandler Bing: Jeez, what a baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.\nRoss Geller: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.\nJoey Tribbiani: You could drink the fat.\nRoss Geller: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I think you should drink the fat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yaaaay!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.\nRoss Geller: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!\nRoss Geller: You will?!\nRachel Green: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?\nRoss Geller: Well, yeah.\nRachel Green: You were gonna drink the fat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's see what else he'll do!\nRoss Geller: How 'bout instead you, go get changed! You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!\nChandler Bing: Stop it. Stop it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!\nRichard Burke: Hi, this is Richard.\nMachine: You have three new messages.\nMonica Geller: Not any more!\nMachine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.\nMonica Geller: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.\nMachine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.\nMonica Geller: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!\nMonica Geller: \"Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know.\" Nooo!!\nPhoebe Buffay: How did you do that?\nMonica Geller: I don't know!\nMachine: Good-bye.\nMonica Geller: Noooo!!!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!\nMonica Geller: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.\nRoss Geller: Rachel!! Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!\nRachel Green: And I still have about five seconds to spare. Okay, that was about seven seconds.\nRoss Geller: So we're a little late.\nRachel Green: Come on. Oh! And, uh, by the way...\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I'm going commando, too.\nRoss Geller: Awwww!!!\nSherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.\nRoss Geller: Wow! What a pleasure.\nSherman Whitfield: Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me. Hi.\nSherman Whitfield: Yes?\nChandler Bing: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.\nSherman Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?\nChandler Bing: I mean, I was sitting there.\nSherman Whitfield: But, you got up!\nChandler Bing: But, I never left the room!\nSherman Whitfield: But, you left the chair area.\nChandler Bing: All right, that's it, give me your underwear."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: WHOAA!!\nChandler Bing: See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.\nMonica Geller: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.\nRoss Geller: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?\nMonica Geller: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.\nRachel Green: I didn't know there were docks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Aww, is it broken?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks.\nRachel Green: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is this? Fruit?\nRachel Green: Monica's making jam.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?\nChandler Bing: Because the kids need new shoes.\nMonica Geller: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot.\nJoey Tribbiani: This will just be my batch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J. Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.\nGuy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters...\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nGuy: One more chance Ursula, please?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.\nGuy: Wh..\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.\nGuy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're not a dingus.\nGuy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay.\nGuy: Well thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?\nGuy: Not really.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay.\nGuy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?\nGuy: Yeah, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.\nGuy: Sorry.\nRachel Green: Mon?\nRoss Geller: Mon?\nRachel Green: 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, look.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Look, look, look.\nRachel Green: What, what, what?\nRoss Geller: It's an empty apartment.\nRachel Green: Oooh.\nRoss Geller: We're all alone in an empty apartment.\nRachel Green: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.\nRoss Geller: There it is.\nRachel Green: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Do I look fat?\nChandler Bing: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.\nRachel Green: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her...\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?\nRachel Green: Nooo!\nRoss Geller: And it works both ways.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?\nRachel Green: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.\nRoss Geller: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?\nChandler Bing: That's easy, baggage claim.\nRoss Geller: Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.\nChandler Bing: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. Okay, I'm late for work.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: All right are you guys gonna come down?\nRoss Geller: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.\nRachel Green: Good luck Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Thank you Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Bye sweetie.\nRachel Green: Bye hon.\nRoss Geller: Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.\nChandler Bing: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.\nRoss Geller: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. Okay, you're in bed...\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna use the cushion.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.\nChandler Bing: Okay, the old hug and roll.\nRoss Geller: Yep.\nChandler Bing: Okay, one question.\nRoss Geller: Shoot.\nChandler Bing: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?\nRachel Green: You're so pretty.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.\nJoey Tribbiani: You talked to him. Are you crazy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.\nChandler Bing: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys.\nEveryone: Hey Mon.\nMonica Geller: Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry curin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww. Ohh!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked , or, or a big tub of jam.\nJoey Tribbiani: Put your hands together.\nMonica Geller: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.\nJoey Tribbiani: No more jam?!\nRachel Green: Well, what happened to your jam plan?\nMonica Geller: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.\nChandler Bing: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.\nRoss Geller: What are you talking about?\nMonica Geller: I'm talking about me having a baby.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Are you serious?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.\nRoss Geller: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!\nMonica Geller: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.\nChandler Bing: That, that's what's stupid.\nMonica Geller: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.\nRachel Green: Down at the docks again?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Night-night Bing-a-ling.\nChandler Bing: Night-night...Janice. 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and...yes! Freedom! Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!'\nMalcom: Here's my binoculars.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know real strong. Going strong. Keep going.\nMalcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. What's this?\nMalcom: Oh, this is log I kept, recording her every movement. Do you wanna here something from it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, not even a little bit.\nMalcom: It's about you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay then.\nMalcom: I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. So what were you thinking?\nMalcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nMalcom: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMalcom: See that's just something I said now, so that maybe I could kiss you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay.\nChandler Bing: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.\nMonica Geller: Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2\", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.\nChandler Bing: You mean there's more than one of us.\nRoss Geller: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna...\nMonica Geller: You're gonna what?\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna tell Mom.\nRachel Green: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but you're crazy.\nRoss Geller: Crazy.\nMonica Geller: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something...\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's not the ideal way...\nMonica Geller: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out!! Jam crackers!\nMonica Geller: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only...boy. Oh my God, under personal comments 'New York Knicks, rule!'\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the Knicks rule!\nMonica Geller: Joey, this is you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me see. Oh, right.\nRachel Green: When did you go to a sperm bank?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?\nChandler Bing: And that's how you bought it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Noooo, that's what I was wearing when I donated. I'm kinda surprised there's any of my boys left.\nMonica Geller: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've got an actual rocket scientist here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hellooo!\nEveryone: Hey.\nRoss Geller: How's the maniac?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, he's not into that stuff anymore. He quit for me.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up something like that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and everything.\nRoss Geller: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?\nPhoebe Buffay: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her?\nChandler Bing: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you saying I should do?\nMonica Geller: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you, Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he goes.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, what happened?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!\nRachel Green: Wow! Spinning that sounds like fun.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I wish. No, you know he was just trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing.\nRachel Green: Ross's what?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: You know what, where he hugs you and kinda rolls you away and... Oh... my...God.\nMalcom: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes? Yes! Oh.\nMalcom: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh.\nMalcom: Were you following me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.\nMalcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?\nMalcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.\nMalcom: Uh-huh, I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where you going?\nMonica Geller: To the bank.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sperm or regular?\nMonica Geller: Sperm.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you're really doing this, huh?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sounds nice.\nMonica Geller: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...\nJoey Tribbiani: No kiddin', hmm.\nMonica Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.\nMonica Geller: Really? Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like... Hoyt.\nMonica Geller: Hoyt?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.\nMonica Geller: Really, is he a swimmer?\nJoey Tribbiani: He's got the body for it.\nMonica Geller: I like that. What?\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys have one of those signs that says 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.\nMonica Geller: We do not have one of those signs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.\nMonica Geller: Two girls and a boy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! But hey, you know this way sounds good too.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh Monica. Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, for like a day. .\nJoey Tribbiani: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it Maybe if they met me in person.\nRachel Green: Honey, you got a little thing on your...\nJoey Tribbiani: Did I get it?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hey. Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?\nChandler Bing: Sure. What's up?\nRoss Geller: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk!"}
{"text": "Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, oh! It's on again!\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.\nEveryone: Shhhh!\nHost: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you said it Mike. Aw! There's got to be a better way!\nMike: And there is Kevin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can we please turn this off?\nRachel Green: Noo way, Kevin.\nMike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.\nRoss Geller: Are you intrigued?\nChandler Bing: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!\nMike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead. This works with any milk carton.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, it is easy. Now, I can have milk everyday.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's official there are no good movies.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out.\nMonica Geller: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, so that you can bunny bump against my back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey, man. What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! Okay, it was me!\nJoey Tribbiani: How is it you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep, that's my audition.\nMonica Geller: See, now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.\nPhoebe Buffay: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh .\nJoey Tribbiani: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Hang up, hang up.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'\nChandler Bing: Is anybody else scared?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' I need a pen.\nChandler Bing: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!\nMonica Geller: Oh, now you want a pad.\nRoss Geller: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?\nCarol Willick: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.\nSusan Bunch: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's, it's, it's cute. Why, why, why does he have it, again?\nSusan Bunch: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.\nCarol Willick: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?\nRoss Geller: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.\nRoss Geller: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder?\nRachel Green: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll?\nMonica Geller: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?\nJoey Tribbiani: I love that movie.\nMonica Geller: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.\nChandler Bing: Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.\nChandler Bing: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.\nRachel Green: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?\nChandler Bing: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.\nRoss Geller: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata?\nChandler Bing: Noo.\nRoss Geller: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.\nChandler Bing: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'\nRachel Green: Men are unbelievable.\nMonica Geller: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?\nChandler Bing: I know, that, that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know about that?!\nChandler Bing: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!\nRoss Geller: Where there is no fear of commitment.\nChandler Bing: Do we have any... Do we have any thoughts here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs...get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.\nRachel Green: Amazingly, that makes sense.\nChandler Bing: You think?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?\nRachel Green: Sure Pheebs, you know, that's what it's there for, emergencies and pretend agents.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on baby, come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'\nRachel Green: Very nice touch.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Okay, go ahead.' Um, hi Annie. Fantastic! You got it. Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next... Op, went through a tunnel.\nRachel Green: Unbelievable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.\nJoey Tribbiani: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.\nPhoebe Buffay: Two?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo, four.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?\nChandler Bing: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ohhh, are you a puppy! Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.\nChandler Bing: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, you didn't have to do this.\nChandler Bing: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.\nChandler Bing: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: We should?\nChandler Bing: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: You probably want us to move in together?\nChandler Bing: It doesn't scare me!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street.\nRachel Green: Honey, this will help.\nChandler Bing: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.\nMonica Geller: That is never good.\nChandler Bing: Then I got all needy and clingy.\nRachel Green: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?\nChandler Bing: She said she'd call me.\nChandler Bing: Oh God.\nMonica Geller: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.\nChandler Bing: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.\nMonica Geller: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.\nRachel Green: Yeah, you do.\nChandler Bing: So, you don't think I'm terminal?\nMonica Geller: Well, no, not at all, you're not terminal, you just, you just need some damage control.\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?\nRachel Green: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.\nMonica Geller: She has to know that your not ready.\nRachel Green: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.\nChandler Bing: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?\nRachel Green: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.\nChandler Bing: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.\nRachel Green: G.I. Joe? Do you really think he's gonna fall for that?\nJoey Tribbiani: G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?\nRoss Geller: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!\nPhoebe Buffay: Helloo! Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! There you are!\nPhoebe Buffay: No it's not, sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those...pants.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's okay, these things happen.\nPhoebe Buffay: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm, I'm okay. See.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.\nJoey Tribbiani: They actually said that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. I canna work on a new accent.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You'll never get me, Joe!!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No, thank you. Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hello, Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What are you doing here?\nChandler Bing: Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Are you being British?!\nChandler Bing: No. Not anymore.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Where is this party?\nChandler Bing: Here in Chelsea.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Who's party is it?\nChandler Bing: A woman's\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What woman?!\nChandler Bing: Chelsea.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be?\nChandler Bing: Can I be that guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, shoot.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't get it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, what else?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty dumb.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, I understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: You do, thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's-ah what I suspected-ah.\nChandler Bing: ...And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.\nMonica Geller: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'.\nChandler Bing: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it is.\nMonica Geller: You know what, everything's gonna be okay.\nChandler Bing: Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. Okay, what do I do?\nRachel Green: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.\nMonica Geller: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Hello!\nMonica Geller: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.\nRachel Green: Yes, and grumpy.\nChandler Bing: What are you, stop naming dwarves! Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and...stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. Really?! Really?!\nRachel Green: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.\nChandler Bing: I love you too.\nMonica Geller: Aw, it's soo unfair.\nCarol Willick: G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.\nSusan Bunch: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?\nRoss Geller: Look, G. I. Joe's in, Barbi's out. And if you guys can't deal with it, that's your 'too bad.'\nMonica Geller: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.\nRoss Geller: What are you talking about?\nMonica Geller: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.\nRoss Geller: Okay, you are totally making this up.\nMonica Geller: How can you not remember? You made us call you...Bea.\nRoss Geller: Oh God.\nSusan Bunch: I've literally never been this happy.\nMonica Geller: Wasn't there a little song?\nCarol Willick: Oh please God, let there be a song.\nRoss Geller: There was no song. There was no song!\nMonica Geller: 'I am Bea.'\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nMonica Geller: 'I drink tea.'\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's, that's enough.\nMonica Geller: '...Won't you, won't you, won't you... '\nRoss Geller: Won't you dance around with me.\nMonica Geller: A-ha!!!\nRoss Geller: 'I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with...' Ohhh!\nMonica Geller: Ross!!!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Y'know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.\nChandler Bing: You're building a post office?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. It's a one day job, max.\nChandler Bing: Okay. My word! Those are snug.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valente's.\nJoey Tribbiani: Power saw kinda got away from me there.\nRachel Green: Hey Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Any sign of your brother?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but he's always late.\nRachel Green: I thought you only met him once?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, 'Frank's always late.'\nRachel Green: Well relax, he'll be here.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know, I'm just nervous. Y'know it's just y'know Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister, Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately. It's like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. You're so sweet to wait with me.\nRachel Green: Well, actually Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to have cups out here, it's a thing.\nChandler Bing: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?\nMonica Geller: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.\nChandler Bing: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.\nJoey Tribbiani: Her what?\nChandler Bing: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.\nRoss Geller: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.\nMonica Geller: So, Chandler, who's on your list?\nChandler Bing: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.\nRachel Green: Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and way out of your league?\nChandler Bing: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?\nMonica Geller: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's just a game Mon. Rach, how about you?\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't know, I guess, Chris O'Donnel, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson.\nRoss Geller: Spiderman?\nRachel Green: Hardy Boy.\nChandler Bing: Peter Parker.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: What about you honey, who would be on your list?\nRoss Geller: Well I-I-I, that kind of thing requires some serious thought. First, I'll divide my perspective canidates into catergories...\nChandler Bing: What a geek!\nPhoebe Buffay: Everbody this is Frank! This is my half-brother Frank.\nEveryone: Oh, hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is everybody. This is Ross.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: How are you?\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is Monica.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Whoa!\nPhoebe Buffay: And this is Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Whoa!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm gonna get coffee.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?\nChandler Bing: We don't, really.\nRachel Green: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, we're gonna connect, y'know bond, and everything.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.\nChandler Bing: You know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?\nChandler Bing: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?\nChandler Bing: I do NOT want this unit!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you should've told me that before, I'm not a mind reader. Hey, we're out of beer. I'm going to Monica's.\nChandler Bing: Fine!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Where 'ya headin' in those pants? 1982?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.\nMonica Geller: Why, what's wrong with my bathroom floor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.\nMonica Geller: I highly doubt that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see what color the tile used to be. Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I can't live like this! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Relax. Here hold this . This old stuff just comes right off.\nMonica Geller: That's a little more than I wanted to see.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. It'd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it.\nMonica Geller: I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.\nJoey Tribbiani: Eh! There you go.\nMonica Geller: You know that's nice, y'know we could put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ew!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and my Mom couldn't, and I thought y'know, I figured that was something I got from our Dad.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What, wait, you mean like this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah. You can do it to.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Your not doing it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, yeah okay, my Mom could, and I can't. We don't have that...\nFrank Buffay Jr.: When's your birthday?\nPhoebe Buffay: Feburary 16th.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I know a guy who's the 18th.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, that's close. When's yours?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: October 25th.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Melt stuff.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I've got three of my five.\nRachel Green: Three of your five, what?\nRoss Geller: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's hard okay, I only have two spots left.\nChandler Bing: All right, so who do you got it narrowed down to?\nRoss Geller: Okay, Elizabeth Hurely...\nChandler Bing: Oooh-hoo, very attractive, forgiving.\nRoss Geller: Susan Sarandon.\nChandler Bing: Eh, y'know what, she's to political, she probably wouldn't let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.\nRoss Geller: And!! Isabella Rosselini.\nChandler Bing: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, y'know she's too international, y'know she's never gonna be around.\nRachel Green: So?\nChandler Bing: So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody who's gonna be in the country like all the time.\nRachel Green: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rosselini, geography.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: So is it like art?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, you can melt art. Hey, can I use your phone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, yeah sure. Why you wanna call your Mom?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, I wanna melt it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well um, not right now. Y'know I'm just gonna go to bed, I think the fumes are giving me a headache.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: G'night, bro.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: G'night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here. Y'know, just in case.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, excellent.\nMonica Geller: What kind of karate is that?\nPhoebe Buffay: No kind. He just makes it up.\nMonica Geller: So how's it going with you guys?\nPhoebe Buffay: So far, it kinda blows. I don't know, I just thought y'know that he'd feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and...\nMonica Geller: Oh honey, we're close now but you-you wouldn't believe the years of-of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and... That's where the waistband actually goes over your head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah!!\nMonica Geller: Oh, we used to drive each other crazy playing the shadow game.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?\nMonica Geller: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just asked you.\nMonica Geller: I just asked you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't have time for this.\nMonica Geller: No, that is what the game is.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which you just gave up really quickly.\nChandler Bing: Have you seen Joey?\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nChandler Bing: Oh, just this! Y'know what it's my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: He's retiling my floor.\nChandler Bing: Yo!! Spackel boy! Get up!\nMonica Geller: Ah-ah-ah, now you started this, you will finish it.\nChandler Bing: He started mine first!\nPhoebe Buffay: Build the unit Cinderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Whoa! Big octopus.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. 'Hello. Oh my God, I totally forgot! Well can't someone else do it. But, I have company. Yeah, no look, that's all right I'll come in.' Um, Frank, I'm really sorry but I have to go to work. It's-it's one of my regulars and he's insisting that I do 'um.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey, what kind of work do you do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You-you work at one of those massage parlors?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, y'know we don't call it that, but yeah!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Wow! That's wild! No, I had no idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: All righty. I'll be back in-in a little bit. Unless you wanna come with me?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You mean like watch?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, you can get one yourself. It'll be on the house! Y'know what are big sisters for?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, I don't think this, y'know.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah! Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?\nMonica Geller: It's beautiful! It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was. Whoa! Are you going in there for?\nChandler Bing: What, like a number?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hi! Bye!\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm done with my choices, these are final.\nRachel Green: Well, it's about time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, very official.\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.\nMonica Geller: And who laminated it?\nRoss Geller: That would be me.\nRachel Green: All right let me see. Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?\nRoss Geller: Hey, it's my list.\nRachel Green: Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Ow!-Ow!-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Y'know, ow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!-Hey! What's going on?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: She broke my arm.\nGirl: He touched my fanny.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, she touched mine first!\nGirl: That's my job!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: So wait, what's the deal here, I can have sex with you, but I can't touch you?\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't have sex with her!\nGirl: What'd you think I was, a hooker?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, your a masseuse, it's cool, I'm not a cop.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.\nJasmine: Fine. I don't like you!!\nPhoebe Buffay: So that's what you thought I did!! God! That's not what I do!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Wait that's-that's, what that's not what you do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nooo! Why would you think that?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I don't know, I mean, y'know, this is the city y'know, I just, I mean, I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whatever, it's the perfect end to the perfect weekend anyways.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, wait, no your right, no it was perfect and I can't believe that I screwed it up so bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: You really thought it was perfect?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, no, maybe-maybe it wasn't perfect, but y'know it was pretty cool, y'know, 'cause we had all those great talks y'know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and how I told you about my likes and my dislikes...\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't...\nFrank Buffay Jr.: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right, okay, um-mm.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you 'cause y'know you're my sister, y'know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I guess I do, yeah.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I-I wasn't hopping mad, y'know.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: This?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...\nPhoebe Buffay: She wasn't a hooker.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, when I tell my friends about her she will be.\nChandler Bing: Okay, on three. One...Two...\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't we just go on two.\nChandler Bing: Why two?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because it's faster.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I coulda counted to three like four times without all this 'two' talk.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, but in the future...\nRoss Geller: Okay!! Okay!!\nRachel Green: Come on!\nRoss Geller: Heavy thing, not getting lighter!\nChandler Bing: Okay, one...two...\nJoey Tribbiani: So we are going on two?\nEveryone: All right!!\nChandler Bing: Oh, good job Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, it's big!\nChandler Bing: Yeah-yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe, my ruler's wrong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look it's not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how 'bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, listen, before I forget that side is still wet.\nRachel Green: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? Okay, great. You freak.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nIsabella Rosselini: Um, coffee to go, please.\nRoss Geller: Isabella Rosselini.\nMonica Geller: Are you serious? Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Damn! I can't believe I took her off my list.\nMonica Geller: Why? 'Cause otherwise you'd go for it?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, maybe.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh, you lie.\nRoss Geller: What you don't think I'd go up to her?\nRachel Green: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is laminated.\nRachel Green: You know what honey, you go ahead, we'll call her an alternate.\nRoss Geller: Okay, hold my crawler.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?\nRachel Green: Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rosselini. I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.\nRoss Geller: Hi! Hi, I'm Ross, you don't know me, but I'm a big, big fan of yours. I mean, Blue Velvet, woo-oo hoo! Um, I was wondering if I could um, maybe buy you a cup of coffee? Or maybe reimburse you for that one?\nIsabella Rosselini: Aren't you with that girl over there?\nRoss Geller: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but that's okay, see we have an understanding, um, see we each have this list of five famous people, so I'm allowed to sleep with you. No, no, no, it's flattery.\nIsabella Rosselini: I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Don't, don't just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...\nIsabella Rosselini: Yeah, for you. Is that the list?\nRoss Geller: Um, yeah.\nIsabella Rosselini: May I see it?\nRoss Geller: Um, no.\nIsabella Rosselini: Come on!\nRoss Geller: But, okay.\nIsabella Rosselini: I'm not on the list!\nRoss Geller: Um, see, but that's not the final draft.\nIsabella Rosselini: It's laminated!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.\nIsabella Rosselini: Y'know it's ironic...\nRoss Geller: What?\nIsabella Rosselini: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there.\nRoss Geller: We're just gonna be friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what?\nChandler Bing: Umm?\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet 'ya ya I could fit in there.\nChandler Bing: I've got five bucks says you can't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out your checkbook, mister.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I think I have the cash.\nJoey Tribbiani: You are dogged man! I totally fit!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you got me. I'm out five big ones! Here you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Cha-ching! Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. And the drinks are on me!"}
{"text": "Janice Litman Goralnik: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry the answer there would be...none of us.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that's really a different question.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.\nRachel Green: Excuse me, there was no time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever... almost?\nRachel Green: Does anybody need more coffee?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'll take some.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, there's a dog out there!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that is so unfortunate.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.\nMonica Geller: Oh, then it must've been you. Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye-bye! That's why I moved out.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know while we're on that, when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think on some levels she already knows.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, she doesn't know that you sneak out every night, she doesn't know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesn't know that you've been living with your Grandmother's for a week now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, nobody good?\nChandler Bing: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!\nRoss Geller: So how many more do you have tomorrow?\nChandler Bing: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-whoa, short message.'\nMonica Geller: Ross , foot on the floor or come over no more!\nRoss Geller: Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...\nChandler Bing: Umm, how's it going with you guys?\nRoss Geller: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I finally figured out why we were having so much trouble lately.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesn't really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think it's gonna make a difference\nChandler Bing: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do?\nEric (photographer): Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope that's cool.\nChandler Bing: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know...never.\nEric (photographer): Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she's a porn star.\nChandler Bing: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you're chances are pretty good. All right.\nChandler Bing: Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, Bye-bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you ah, don't you wanna ask me any questions?\nChandler Bing: Sure. Ummm. What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, ah, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry I'm totally okay with the gay thing.\nChandler Bing: What gay thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. I'm totally cool with that.\nChandler Bing: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Mon.\nMonica Geller: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that sucks.\nChandler Bing: Do I ever.\nMonica Geller: Chris says they're closing down the bar.\nChandler Bing: No way!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some kinda coffee place.\nChandler Bing: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now?\nMonica Geller: Got me.\nChandler Bing: Can I get a beer.\nMonica Geller: Hey, did you pick a roommate?\nChandler Bing: You betcha!\nMonica Geller: Is it the Italian guy?\nChandler Bing: Um-mm, yeah right!\nMonica Geller: He's so cute.\nChandler Bing: Oh yes, and that's what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.\nMonica Geller: Oh look, the pool table's free. Rack 'em up. I'll be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool.\nRachel Green: Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is.\nWaitress: I am so sorry.\nRachel Green: That's all right. I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?\nFriend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS\nRachel Green: Ummm, I think it's time to see the ring again.\nFriend No. 2: Oh, isn't it exciting, I mean it's like having a boyfriend for life.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know.\nFriend No. 1: What?\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe it's just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system.\nFriend No. 1: Rachel stop!\nFriend No. 2: You're so bad!\nRachel Green: I'm serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.\nChandler Bing: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball.\nRachel Green: Yeah, so?\nChandler Bing: And now I've picked it up again.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. Rachel! Hi!\nRachel Green: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, you can't even see where the Titanic hit it.\nRachel Green: Yes, his name is Barry, he's a doctor, thank you very much.\nMonica Geller: Awww, just like you always wanted. Congratulations\nRachel Green: Thank you. So how-how 'bout you, are-are you seeing anybody?\nMonica Geller: Aww, not right now.\nRachel Green: Oh, but that's okay.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: So, I'll get-get back to my friend.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I'm in the city?\nMonica Geller: Oh, that'd be great.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Bye!\nMonica Geller: Bye! Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.\nRoss Geller: No real-, honey, really it's fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye\nPhoebe Buffay: So what are they doing?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, something girlie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you're early.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing with the lamp?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just taking it to be re-wired.\nMonica Geller: Oh, well don't take it to the same place you took the stereo, 'cause they've had that thing for over a week.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here.\nMr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't play the oboe!\nMr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down.\nMr. Heckles: Who are you?\nEric (photographer): Hi, I'm Eric, I'm gonna be Chandler's new roommate.\nMr. Heckles: I'm Chandler's new roommate.\nEric (photographer): I-I-I don't think so.\nMr. Heckles: I could be Chandler's new roommate.\nEric (photographer): But, he told me over the phone.\nMr. Heckles: He told me in person.\nEric (photographer): That's weird.\nMr. Heckles: Well, I'm going to go into my new apartment now. Ehh!\nMonica Geller: Hi, again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Thank you soo, much.\nChandler Bing: Oh, don't thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.\nMonica Geller: You want some help with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no thanks, I got it. No I don't!\nMonica Geller: Whoa! Are you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.\nMonica Geller: It's the heat. And-and the humidity.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a uh, that's a tough combination.\nMonica Geller: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?\nJoey Tribbiani: Like you wouldn't believe. Wow! This is a great place.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Gotcha.\nMonica Geller: This place is really my Grandmother's. I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I'm 87 year old woman, who's afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you bet I am!\nMonica Geller: Okay, here's your penis!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?\nMonica Geller: So?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, ah!! We're you just gonna give me some lemonade?\nMonica Geller: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh right, right.\nMonica Geller: I don't believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. I'm such a jerk.\nMonica Geller: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.\nMonica Geller: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nMonica Geller: Where's your bed?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not in the apartment? Oh no. I can't believe this is happening again.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I've, I don't live here anymore.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I-I-I-I don't live here anymore. I-I didn't know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows!\nMonica Geller: Everybody knows!\nPhoebe Buffay: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldn't sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.\nMonica Geller: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I would've except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.\nMonica Geller: What?!?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.\nMonica Geller: You can spill. In the sink.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw, honey it's not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I don't see that happening.\nMonica Geller: I love you, too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aww, good. What?\nMonica Geller: What? I'm just said.\nPhoebe Buffay: No you're not, you're wondering which cushion it is.\nChandler Bing: So ah, whatcha watching?\nJoey Tribbiani: Baywatch.\nChandler Bing: What's it about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Lifeguards.\nChandler Bing: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... Who's she?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.\nChandler Bing: Wow! Look at them run.\nJoey Tribbiani: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'll go get one.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't get up, I got a cooler right here.\nChandler Bing: Well, hello!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Do you have any beers? We're out of beers.\nMonica Geller: Help yourself.\nChandler Bing: You okay?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe moved out.\nChandler Bing: Right.\nMonica Geller: I don't understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don't have a boyfriend?\nChandler Bing: Noo!! You don't have a boyfriend because...I don't, I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.\nMonica Geller: Well, I think so.\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho, come here. Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life.\nRoss Geller: Hi. Where is everybody?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?\nRoss Geller: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! Why?\nRoss Geller: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian. And, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I don't believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.\nRoss Geller: I'm an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I'd be out and she'd, she'd see some beautiful woman, and, and she'd be Ross y'know look at her, and I'd think, God, my wife is cool!\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?\nRoss Geller: Well, now I do!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Seven years. I mean we've been together seven years, she's the only woman who's ever loved me, and the only woman I've-I've ever...\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw, God Ross. Oh.\nChandler Bing: Umm, this is nice.\nMonica Geller: I know, it is isn't it?\nChandler Bing: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too.\nChandler Bing: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.\nMonica Geller: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, that sounds great. Oh, and listen, it's, it's gonna be...\nMonica Geller: I know. Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Maybe this would've happened if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I can't believe this!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know no, no, y'know you don't deserve this, you don't Ross. You're, you're really, you're so good.\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: And you're so sweet. And you're kind\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, it's okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Wait, wait, wait.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: My foot is stuck in the pocket.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: No, I can't get it out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear.\nRoss Geller: No, come on don't start. Ouch!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: Stupid balls are in the way.\nRoss Geller: Oh well. It probably would've been the most constructive solution.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have chalk on your face.\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Ross you're right, I don't know why I always thought this was real grass.\nMonica Geller: Hey, are you okay?\nRoss Geller: My wife's a lesbian.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool!!\nChandler Bing: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you came back.\nRachel Green: Don't say anything. I don't wanna speak, I don't wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now.\nFriend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel!\nRachel Green: What?\nFriend No. 2: You missed the exit!\nRachel Green: Oh, sorry.\nFriend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about?\nRachel Green: Um, Barry.\nHer Friends: Awwww!!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.' But of course this went in one ear and out...\nRachel Green: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.\nMonica Geller: Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?\nChandler Bing: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.\nGunther: What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who's singing?\nRoss Geller: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.\nMonica Geller: I was always Joanne.\nJoey Tribbiani: Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of your neighbourhood?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King!\nJoey Tribbiani: Booo!!\nChandler Bing: Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.\nMatress King: 'Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!\nChandler Bing: What a wank!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.\nMonica Geller: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. And I'm appalled for you by the way.\nMatress King: I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.\nRachel Green: 'Okay. Okay, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. Okay bye-bye.'\nRoss Geller: We?\nRachel Green: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.\nRoss Geller: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.\nRachel Green: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.\nRoss Geller: Please, he refers to me as 'wethead'.\nRachel Green: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.\nChandler Bing: I'll go.\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Hi Gunther.\nGunther: Yeah, we'll see!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Guess what?\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I got a gig!\nEveryone: Yay!!\nChandler Bing: See, that's why I could never be an actor. Because I can't say gig.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I can't say croissant. Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: What's the part?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.\nRoss Geller: Come on! That's great.\nEveryone: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.\nRoss Geller: Y'know your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh! I don't know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, that's like betraying Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Not at these prices.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. Woo!\nMonica Geller: Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler's your friend... Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good evening. I'm Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.'\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooooh, nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me. Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nGuy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. You Miss Geller?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nGuy: Sign here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: You want me to lie to Chandler?\nPhoebe Buffay: Is that a problem?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men weren't acting Christian enough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey now!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh! Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Kay, put your head back.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. I can't see.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I have ya. Oh God.\nGuy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.\nGuy: Gotcha.\nRachel Green: Hi Daddy!\nLeonard Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.\nRachel Green: You remember Ross.\nLeonard Green: Um-hmm.\nRoss Geller: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.\nLeonard Green: So! How's the library?\nRoss Geller: Ugh, museum.\nLeonard Green: What happened to the library?\nRoss Geller: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.\nLeonard Green: You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, if you're really hungry. It was a joke, I made a joke.\nRachel Green: Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.\nLeonard Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.\nRoss Geller: It's not a library...\nLeonard Green: I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu.\nRoss Geller: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.\nLeonard Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?\nRoss Geller: It gives it a nice antiquey look.\nLeonard Green: Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that.\nLeonard Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nRachel Green: Aw honey stop! It's not that bad.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.\nRachel Green: Yeah. That's Daddy.\nRoss Geller: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.\nRachel Green: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.\nRoss Geller: So?\nRachel Green: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.\nRoss Geller: You really serve people sneezers?\nRachel Green: Well um, I don't.\nLeonard Green: You kids ready?\nRoss Geller: Thanks again, Dr. Green.\nLeonard Green: All right.\nLeonard Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.\nRoss Geller: Oh, ah, you don't need that.\nLeonard Green: Why not?\nRoss Geller: The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.\nLeonard Green: What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.\nRachel Green: Yeah it is, it is. We really, really have to do something about that.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nLeonard Green: Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?\nRachel Green: Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.\nRoss Geller: Nothing I do means anything, really.\nLeonard Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right.\nRoss Geller: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 'wethead'.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.\nStudent: Hey, Mr. Trib.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey.\nStudent: Guess what, I got an audition!\nJoey Tribbiani: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.\nStudent: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?\nJoey Tribbiani: You bet! What's the part?\nStudent: Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.\nRachel Green: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.\nRoss Geller: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.\nRachel Green: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?\nRachel Green: Um. yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I am soo dead.\nRachel Green: All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.\nRoss Geller: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.\nRachel Green: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.\nRoss Geller: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say 'Like me! Like me tiny doctor!'\nRachel Green: Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?\nRoss Geller: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay we're never gonna get along.\nRachel Green: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, okay. I'll get the bagels.\nMonica Geller: What's this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom!\nMonica Geller: This is not the bed I ordered!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, you must've won like a contest or something!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nMonica Geller: Why is this car in my bedroom?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...\nMonica Geller: When did I sign for it?\nPhoebe Buffay: When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!\nMonica Geller: Did you make brownies today?\nChandler Bing: Knock, knock.\nMonica Geller: Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.\nChandler Bing: Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Monica's bed. What?\nChandler Bing: Okay. It's a racecar.\nPhoebe Buffay: So. This has always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you?\nChandler Bing: Okay, well it this bed isn't new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?\nMonica Geller: Sometimes I have bad dreams.\nStudent: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! That was good. That was... Tweezers?\nStudent: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa. That was really good.\nStudent: Thanks, any suggestions?\nChandler Bing: You told him to play the boxer gay!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I-I might've said supergay.\nChandler Bing: You totally screwed him over.\nMonica Geller: Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.\nRachel Green: Hi Daddy.\nLeonard Green: Baby. Ross.\nRoss Geller: Dr. Green. How are you?\nLeonard Green: Thanks for dinner last night.\nRoss Geller: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.\nLeonard Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.\nRachel Green: What? What? He's interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.\nRoss Geller: Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay, I'm just gonna go.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that...\nLeonard Green: Ross? What's with the neck?\nRachel Green: He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...\nLeonard Green: You're still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn't get into medical school in Extapa!\nRoss Geller: Thank you! That's what I keep saying.\nRachel Green: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.\nRoss Geller: Uh.\nLeonard Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?\nRachel Green: Well that's his last name.\nRoss Geller: And his first name.\nLeonard Green: He's Bobby Bobby?\nRachel Green: It's Robert Bobby.\nLeonard Green: Oh.\nRachel Green: And um, excuse me, he helps me.\nRoss Geller: Oh-ho please. Ask her how?\nLeonard Green: What do you need help for?\nRachel Green: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.\nLeonard Green: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Argue with that.\nRachel Green: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.\nLeonard Green: Come on! You're just titling! Her legs are fine!\nRoss Geller: I know that!\nLeonard Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, let her?\nRoss Geller: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.\nLeonard Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!\nRachel Green: No.\nLeonard Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?\nLeonard Green: I'd love some juice. Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?\nRachel Green: Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got checked yet.\nRoss Geller: Excellent!\nJoey Tribbiani: There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he's got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you.\nJester: Uh, may I help you?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.\nJester: Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.\nJester: Nobody sees the king!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king.\nJester: Hey! You can't go back there!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God.\nChandler Bing: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! Hey-hey good lookin'! Varrrrrrrrroom. All right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?\nChandler Bing: I will have one.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'm not gonna have one.\nRoss Geller: Neither will I.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, it's just my tooth.\nChandler Bing: All right I'll have one.\nRoss Geller: So what's a matter, you need a dentist? I've got a good one.\nPhoebe Buffay: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can't see him.\nChandler Bing: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.\nRoss Geller: Why? Why can't you go to him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because, every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.\nChandler Bing: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist's blouse.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend 'Albino Bob'.\nRachel Green: And all these people actually died?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, while I was in the chair! That's why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, it's not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, come on, you didn't kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's, it's, it's just ah, a coincidence.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can't, their dead.\nRoss Geller: Thanks, Gunther. Hey! Umm, can I get a napkin too?\nGunther: Oh, like you don't already have everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ow! Ow!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, fine, fine, but if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.\nRachel Green: I promise.\nPhoebe Buffay: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?\nRoss Geller: No, no he's not.\nMonica Geller: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.\nRoss Geller: What? So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.\nRachel Green: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.\nJoey Tribbiani: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the dentist, maybe I'll kill him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. It's like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...\nRoss Geller: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.\nJoey Tribbiani: What did they do?\nRoss Geller: Well, they painted over the word 'Sapien' for one thing, then they rearranged the figures, let's just leave it at that.\nMonica Geller: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?\nRoss Geller: Yes, that's what I was going to ask, thank you.\nRachel Green: Whoa! Wait! Hello! What about me?\nRoss Geller: You? You! Want to watch Ben? Yes! That'd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: I've got a science question.\nRoss Geller: Hmm?\nJoey Tribbiani: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact 'Homo-sapien', is that why there extinct?\nRoss Geller: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, I'm not judging.\nRachel Green: Look Benny, spoon. Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think he's bored.\nMonica Geller: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. We're gonna do something fun. Okay. Weee!! Weee!!\nMonica Geller: Who's so brave, you're so brave, yes you are, you're so brave.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay honey, he's fine, he's fine, let's just put him down. Come here, Ben. See that's a good boy. How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!\nMonica Geller: He's not gonna say anything, because we're not gonna tell him.\nRachel Green: We're not?!\nMonica Geller: No we're not.\nRachel Green: All right, I like that.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: So we're okay, we're okay, we're okay, aren't we? No, we're not okay, we're not okay, there's a bump, there's a bump.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in!\nRachel Green: I cannot push it in!\nMonica Geller: Okay, we're gonna need a distraction.\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, okay.\nMonica Geller: I got it!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, rweee!!\nRachel Green: Or. We could put a hat on his head.\nMonica Geller: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.\nRachel Green: We need a hat..\nMonica Geller: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?\nRachel Green: Oh, oh, oh, I'll get 'Rainy Day Bear'!!\nMonica Geller: Because he'll know what to do? Oh my God, you're a genius!\nRachel Green: Oh God, oh God, it's sowed on though.\nMonica Geller: Give it. Give it.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd really prefer a mountain bike.\nChandler Bing: Janice's birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. Do you ah, want to get her something speacial, get her flowers, get her candy, get her gum, girls love gum.\nChandler Bing: That's a good idea, 'Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday'. I would like to get her something serious.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you want something serious. Y'know what you should do, you should get her one of those um, barium enemas. Those are dead serious.\nChandler Bing: All right. Look, I'm gonna go in here, and you don't buy me anything ever.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, you can't, you can't, okay, you can't, you can't buy her pearls, you just can't, you can't, you can't.\nChandler Bing: Why not?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh God. Uh, okay, here's the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...\nChandler Bing: What is the thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. I went down to the 'Mattress King' showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: They were in his office.\nChandler Bing: Well she, she wouldn't do that, she's with, she's with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm telling you man, I saw it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, you're wrong! Okay, you're wrong.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not wrong! I wish I was. I'm sorry. Bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad now, huh?\nMonica Geller: It just makes more sense as an ensemble.\nRachel Green: Right.\nMonica Geller: Besides, it takes the focus off the hat.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Oh! You're alive! You're alive!\nRachel Green: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn't I?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your phone? I just wanna call everyone I know.\nMonica Geller: Sure, we have no money, go ahead.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Hey! You're not dead! Okay, see ya!'\nBen Geller: Monica.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear that?\nBen Geller: Monica bang!\nRachel Green: Okay, I heard that.\nMonica Geller: Did he just say 'Monica bang'?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! He's gonna rat me out!\nBen Geller: Monica bang!\nMonica Geller: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. It's no big deal, it's not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. Ow, Monica bang! Everybody bang. Ben bang. Rachel bang. Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isn't that fun?\nRachel Green: Look at that! Look at that! We all do it. Okay, I'm stopping now.\nMonica Geller: You okay?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Y'know, if it's not a headboard, it's just not worth it.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: How's my Bing-a-ling?\nChandler Bing: Ah, I don't know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Why are your eyes so white?\nChandler Bing: You tell me! Maybe, it's because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God!!\nChandler Bing: All right!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: How did you know?\nChandler Bing: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: In the park?\nChandler Bing: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Just those two!\nChandler Bing: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I'm sorry honey, I'm so, so, haaaaa! I'm so, so sorry, I just haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I can't breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?\nChandler Bing: Here.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: The receipt.\nChandler Bing: I'll take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? Are you finished with him? Do you still love him? Do you still love me? All right look, I'm gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. If you're alive you answer your phone!\nMonica Geller: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you don't tell about our little bonking incident.\nRachel Green: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You said number two.\nRachel Green: I also said number one.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Everyone.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: How's my little boy?\nRachel Green: He's perfect, he's never been better.\nRoss Geller: What'd you do, take him whaling?\nBen Geller: Monica.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, he just said your name, that's great! Good job Ben.\nBen Geller: Monica bang!\nMonica Geller: Oh that's right, that's what I'd sound like if I exploded.\nPhoebe Buffay: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called everybody I know, and everyone is alive.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.\nRachel Green: Well maybe he's just taking a nap.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm tellin' ya, he hasn't moved since this morning.\nMonica Geller: All right, we should call somebody.\nRoss Geller: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving.\nRachel Green: Well, we have gotta find out if he's alive.\nMonica Geller: How are we gonna do that? There's no way.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there is one way. His window's open, I say, we poke him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Y'know how we ah, save all those chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese food?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, now we got a reason.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we're fashioning a very long poking device.\nChandler Bing: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, what's a matter?\nChandler Bing: I talked to Janice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, is she going back to him?\nChandler Bing: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the reciept!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you ah, what are you gonna do?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, y'know. What, what, would you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it doesn't matter what I would do.\nChandler Bing: Come on, tell me.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, you're probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, I would ah, I would bow out.\nChandler Bing: What? What are you, what are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: They have a kid together, y'know. They're like, they're like a family, and if, I don't know, there's chance they could make that work, I know I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?\nRoss Geller: Well, he's finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?\nRachel Green: Are you, are you, are you sure it's ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, I've always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.\nRoss Geller: It's okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.\nRachel Green: I did!\nRoss Geller: I know! I'm saying you have to watch them all the time.\nRachel Green: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!\nRoss Geller: Monica did it?\nRoss Geller: Monica?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?\nMonica Geller: No. Why?\nRoss Geller: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly he's leaving out 'e' and 'f.' It's like they just ah, I don't know, fell out of his head.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nRoss Geller: Oh, and also, he's, he's walkin' kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and he's in there just sort of y'know...\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!!\nRachel Green: I hope it's still funny when you're in hell.\nMonica Geller: You jerk! You know how much I love that kid!\nRoss Geller: Monica bang! Monica bang! Ow!\nRachel Green: I'll get the hat.\nChandler Bing: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because it's, it's, it's not gonna be easy.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay.\nChandler Bing: I think you should go back with Gary. I don't wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know 'You're the reason, you are the reason why their not together.' and I hated that guy. And it didn't matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Wow!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well. It's the right thing to do.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh! You're right. Oh God. But, before I can say 'good-bye', there's something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, it's like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie's been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, it's like movie love, you're my soulmate, and I can't believe we're not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.\nChandler Bing: Then don't leave me!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What?\nChandler Bing: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-I've got to give my marriage another chance.\nChandler Bing: No you don't! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Ohhh. Don't go.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No, I-I-I gotta go.\nChandler Bing: No. No! No! No!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Honey, honey, people are looking.\nChandler Bing: I don't care! I don't care!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yeah, um, I'm, I'm leaving now.\nChandler Bing: You can't leave! I have your shoe!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Good-bye Chandler Bing.\nGunther: Rachel has those in burgendy.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.\nRoss Geller: Can we please focus here, a naked man's life hangs in the balance!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm telling you he's dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, we're approaching the window Thread the needle. Thread the needle.\nPhoebe Buffay: He's alive! He's a-live!!!\nMonica Geller: And yet, we're still poking him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.\nRoss Geller: He does not look happy.\nRachel Green: Hey-hey, now he's showing us his poking device.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!\nChandler Bing: I'll hold you close in my arms. I can't resist your charms. And love...\nPhoebe Buffay: Love...\nChandler Bing: No you know I don't mind.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nChandler Bing: I've found.\nPhoebe Buffay: I've found..."}
{"text": "The Guys: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.\nThe Guys: We will.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.\nRachel Green: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.\nMonica Geller: Every year.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. .\nRoss Geller: Halftime.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?\nRachel Green: Oh! That would be sooo much fun!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like ever.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great, you can cover Chandler.\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.\nChandler Bing: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice, and if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, all right, I'll play.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!!\nRachel Green: Let's do it! Ross?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Do you wanna play football?\nRoss Geller: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.\nJoey Tribbiani: Says who? Your mom?\nMonica Geller: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the 'Geller Bowl.'\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, you say that proudly.\nMonica Geller: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind've competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.\nRoss Geller: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keep running.\nMonica Geller: To score the winning touchdown, by the way.\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didn't count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking.\nMonica Geller: I won the game.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?\nRachel Green: Um, there was a Geller Cup?\nRoss Geller: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, 'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and... threw it in the lake.\nChandler Bing: And was the curse lifted?\nRoss Geller: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever again.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's been twelve years.\nRoss Geller: Can I see you for a second?\nMonica Geller: Once!!\nRoss Geller: All right, we're gonna play.\nChandler Bing: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom won't let me cross the street.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Let's bring it in.\nRachel Green: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.\nRoss Geller: Here you go.\nRachel Green: That almost hit me in the face.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, we have to pick captains.\nChandler Bing: And then Tineals.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so how do we decide that?\nMonica Geller: Well, why don't we just bunny up.\nMonica Geller: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied first so that means I get to pick first. Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Monica, I'm your best friend.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler.\nRachel Green: Ross!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, now I pick you.\nRachel Green: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me!\nRoss Geller: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll kick off.\nMonica Geller: All right people listen, I've got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.\nChandler Bing: Wow! Just like in the pros.\nMonica Geller: Huddle up.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, huddle up, right over here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?\nMonica Geller: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's block?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought you meant in life.\nMonica Geller: Break.\nChandler Bing: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice.\nRoss Geller: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!\nChandler Bing: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just gonna throw it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Go! Go! Go!\nMonica Geller: Score!! 7 to nothing!\nRachel Green: Are you okay?\nRoss Geller: Come on, let's go!\nMonica Geller: Losers walk!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, losers talk!\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.\nChandler Bing: Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! You wanna go shotgun?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Hike!\nRachel Green: Over here!\nRachel Green: I almost caught that one!\nChandler Bing: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.\nRoss Geller: Okay, this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!\nRachel Green: Wait, what am I gonna do?\nRoss Geller: You, you go long.\nRachel Green: Wait, how long?\nRoss Geller: Until we start to look very small.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Break!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Set...hike!\nRoss Geller: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!!\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, no, no!\nJoey Tribbiani: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball.\nWoman: You are playing American football?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.\nWoman: I'm Dutch.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi-hi, I'm Joey.\nWoman: I'm Margha.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. Hi, I'm Chandler.\nMargha: Hello, Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.\nMargha: Margha.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mar-klan.\nMargha: Mar-gha.\nChandler Bing: Mar-haaaan.\nMonica Geller: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's second down.\nRoss Geller: Uh, hello, it's third down.\nMonica Geller: No it's not, it's second.\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nMonica Geller: Wow, what?\nRoss Geller: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.\nMonica Geller: Pulling what? It's second down.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's second down. Take all the second downs you need.\nMonica Geller: I heard that!\nRoss Geller: Well, I said it loud.\nMargha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?\nChandler Bing: Well, that went well.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think so.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know.\nChandler Bing: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I'll let you have her.\nChandler Bing: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn't I wouldn't have a shot?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff.\nChandler Bing: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her.\nRoss Geller: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all I'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle.\nRoss Geller: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there?\nRachel Green: Can I see that for second.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Hut! Hike!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fumble!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.\nChandler Bing: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean!\nMonica Geller: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie score, and we're runnin' out of time. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I got it!! Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, run!\nMonica Geller: Run, Phoebe, run!\nPhoebe Buffay: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!\nRoss Geller: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count.\nMonica Geller: After the snap!\nRoss Geller: Before the snap!\nJoey Tribbiani: After!!\nChandler Bing: Before!!\nRachel Green: Now, does it really matter?\nEveryone: Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?\nRoss Geller: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count.\nMonica Geller: Does so count!\nRoss Geller: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't grown up, but I have.\nRoss Geller: Oh-ho, okay.\nMonica Geller: Dead leg!!\nRoss Geller: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.\nPhoebe Buffay: Woo-yay!!\nMonica Geller: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can't blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tie score and it's halftime.\nRoss Geller: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play.\nRoss Geller: Oh really! Why is that?\nMonica Geller: Because the winner gets this!\nRoss Geller: The Geller Cup.\nChandler Bing: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?\nEveryone: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Okay, good.\nRoss Geller: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!\nMonica Geller: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.\nRoss Geller: That cup is mine!\nMonica Geller: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win it!\nRachel Green: All right, so are we not having dinner at all?\nMonica Geller: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.\nMonica Geller: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you gonna do?\nMonica Geller: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I'll take care of the rest.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Break!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here you go!\nRoss Geller: Chandler! Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see that everyday, do ya?\nRoss Geller: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling?\nMonica Geller: What?! I just touched him and he went over.\nRoss Geller: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love this game!!\nRoss Geller: Hey, where'd you get that?\nRachel Green: I went really long.\nMonica Geller: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!\nRoss Geller: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.\nMonica Geller: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, we're winning because I'm better than you.\nMonica Geller: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I'll prove it to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I'll still win the game.\nRoss Geller: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's ridiculous Monica, because I'm only down by three touchdowns.\nMonica Geller: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.\nRoss Geller: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with me.\nRachel Green: I can not believe your trading me!!\nMonica Geller: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to be on a winning team for a change.\nRachel Green: Are you gonna let me play?\nMonica Geller: All right then.\nMargha: The game is over, we eat now?\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on the same team.\nRoss Geller: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.\nChandler Bing: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.\nChandler Bing: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice try. See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.\nMargha: Oh, my.\nRoss Geller: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let's play some ball, guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this guy, now.\nChandler Bing: Fine with me.\nRoss Geller: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?\nMargha: Which do I like?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill...\nMargha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Yes!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn't understand the question.\nChandler Bing: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her.\nMargha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose.\nChandler Bing: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!!\nMargha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one.\nChandler Bing: Wh-what?\nMargha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!\nRoss Geller: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.\nChandler Bing: We're not gonna lose to girls.\nRoss Geller: Hey! It's 42-21!\nJoey Tribbiani: This sucks, I was just up by that much!\nMonica Geller: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.\nMonica Geller: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while you're making out...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!\nMonica Geller: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let's kill 'um!\nRachel Green: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know how are we gonna beat three boys?\nMonica Geller: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we're down by two points. Two points... Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.\nRachel Green: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.\nMonica Geller: Honey, there's a reason.\nRachel Green: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is my game too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.\nMonica Geller: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.\nRachel Green: Thank you! Break!\nMonica Geller: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!\nThe Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi!\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry! Are you okay?\nMonica Geller: No! I'm not okay!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn't know what to do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thirty seconds left on the timer!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!\nMonica Geller: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time! Huddle up!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah.\nMonica Geller: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Break!\nRachel Green: I got a touchdown! We did it!!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts at that pole, so you're five feet short, so we win!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going.\nRoss Geller: Let go! Let go!\nMonica Geller: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!!\nChandler Bing: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins or loses. The important thing is, the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!\nMonica Geller: Ow!!\nRachel Green: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there's a like league we could join or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't there a national football league.\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.\nRachel Green: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?\nJoey Tribbiani: When they're hungry enough, they'll come in.\nMonica Geller: Let go!\nRoss Geller: No! You let go!\nMonica Geller: No!\nRoss Geller: How come it's always us left in the field holding the ball?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough.\nRoss Geller: Hey! It's starting to snow.\nRoss Geller: Gimme the this!\nMonica Geller: Let go!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Eh..., I don't, I don't know.\nRachel Green: What?\nChandler Bing: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?\nGunther: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nGunther: Do you remember when you first came here, how you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?\nRachel Green: Oh, sure! Do you need me to train somebody new?\nGunther: Good one. Actually, ah, Terry wants you to take the training again, whenever.\nRachel Green: Eh, do you believe that?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nSarah Tuttle: So that's two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you.\nRoss Geller: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.\nRoss Geller: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.\nChandler Bing: I was shrieking... like a Marine.\nRoss Geller: All right here. Watch me execute the three 'P's of championship play. Power. Precision. and penache.\nMonica Geller: You broke a little girl's leg?!!\nRoss Geller: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.\nChandler Bing: Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. Where exactly were around ten-ish?\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm gonna go see her. I want to bring her something, what do you think she'll like?\nMonica Geller: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...\nRachel Green: I'm gonna get back to retraining.\nRoss Geller: All right, see you guys.\nChandler Bing: Look out kids, he's coming!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.\nPhoebe Buffay: Have fun. Oh wait, no, don't! I forgot I am totally against that now.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Me having a job?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. Hey, how do you sleep at night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, it's the only chance to see New York.\nGunther: ...and after you've delivered the drinks, you take the empty tray...\nRachel Green: Gunther, Gunther, please, I've worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there.\nGunther: What if you put them here.\nRachel Green: Huh. Well, y'know that's actually a really good idea, because that way they'll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.\nGunther: They already do. That's why they call it the 'tray spot.'\nRachel Green: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, I'm, I'm sorry.\nGunther: It's all right. Sweetheart.\nRoss Geller: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, don't have to sell those cookies anymore.\nSarah Tuttle: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.\nRoss Geller: Wow, you ah, you really like all this space stuff, huh?\nSarah Tuttle: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer space, he'd be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal.\nRoss Geller: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.\nSarah Tuttle: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He says he's gonna double the college money my Grandma left me.\nRoss Geller: Huh. Well, good luck to Dad. Say, how many more boxes would you have to sell in order to win?\nSarah Tuttle: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and seventy-five.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nSarah Tuttle: So far, I've sold seventy-five.\nRoss Geller: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds do-able. How much are the boxes?\nSarah Tuttle: Five dollars a box.\nRoss Geller: And what is second prize?\nSarah Tuttle: A ten speed bike. But, I'd rather have something my Dad couldn't sell.\nRoss Geller: Well, that makes sense.\nSarah Tuttle: Could you do me one favor, if it's not too much trouble?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, Sarah, anything.\nSarah Tuttle: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we don't have a TV, the lady across the alley said she'd push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.\nWoman: Yesss?\nRoss Geller: Hi, I'm selling Brown Bird cookies.\nWoman: You're no Brown Bird, I can see you through my peephole.\nRoss Geller: No, hi, I'm, I'm an honorary Brown Bird\nWoman: What does that mean?\nRoss Geller: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to sleep-overs.\nWoman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!\nRoss Geller: No, please, please, um, it's for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.\nWoman: I'm pressing, a policeman is on his way.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay! I'm going. I'm going.\nWoman: I can still see you!\nRoss Geller: All right!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. What, what are you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, oh, but oh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just fulfilling their Christmas...\nPhoebe Buffay: Destiny.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Yikes! That one doesn't look very fulfilled.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that's, that's ah, one of the old ones, he's just taking it to the back.\nPhoebe Buffay: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what happens to the old guys?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, they go into the chipper.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds? No! Nooooo!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey!!\nRoss Geller: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'll take a box of the cream filled Jesus's.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, I'm trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp, I'm putting you down for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured deities?\nRoss Geller: No, but ah, there's coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, I'll put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.\nRoss Geller: Mon?\nMonica Geller: All right, I'll take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and that's it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?\nRoss Geller: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know I'm sure that's not gonna happen this time, why don't I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolph's.\nMonica Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on, now you know you want 'em.\nMonica Geller: Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do this.\nRoss Geller: I'll tell you what Mon, I'll give you the first box for free.\nMonica Geller: Oh God! I gotta go!\nRoss Geller: Come on! All the cool kids are eating 'em!\nGunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.\nRachel Green: I'm training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?\nRachel Green: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.\nChandler Bing: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?\nRachel Green: Well, I'm also sending out... good thoughts.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.\nRachel Green: The fear?\nChandler Bing: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.\nRachel Green: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?\nChandler Bing: Because, I'm too afraid.\nRachel Green: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer... Oh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work here.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.\nGunther: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nGunther: Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.\nRachel Green: Can't I just look at the handles on them?\nGunther: You would think.\nRachel Green: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible waitress? Because, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you my weeks notice.\nGunther: What?!\nRachel Green: Gunther, I quit.\nChandler Bing: Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee?\nRoss Geller: ...and 12, 22, 18, four... What?\nChandler Bing: I spelled out boobies.\nMonica Geller: Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?\nRoss Geller: Ah, we're out. I sold them all.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Monica, I'm cutting you off.\nMonica Geller: No. No, just, just, just a couple more boxes. It-it-it's no big deal, all right, I'm-I'm cool. You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!\nRoss Geller: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on your neck.\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nChandler Bing: So, how many have you sold so far?\nRoss Geller: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, how did you do that?\nRoss Geller: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as 'Laser Floyd' was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! That's when it occurred to me, the key to my success, 'The Munchies.' So I ah, started hitting the new dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me 'Cookie Dude!'\nRachel Green: Okay, stop what you're doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers...\nRoss Geller: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya?\nChandler Bing: Me! On my computer.\nRoss Geller: Well you sure used a large font.\nChandler Bing: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.\nRachel Green: Hey-hey-hey that's funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!\nChandler Bing: Something else I might have said?\nRachel Green: I don't know, I don't know, weren't you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, calm down, it's gonna be okay.\nRachel Green: No, it's not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have a lead. Okay, y'know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna call Gunther and I'm gonna tell him, I'm not quitting.\nChandler Bing: You-you-you don't wanna give into the fear.\nRachel Green: You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear. I would like to take you and your fear...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I got great news!\nChandler Bing: Run, Joey! Run for your life!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Rachel, listen, have you ever heard of Fortunata Fashions?\nRachel Green: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening. So, you want me to see if I can get you an interview?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, that is soo sweet, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not a problem.\nRachel Green: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: And now for the great news.\nRoss Geller: What, that wasn't the great news?\nJoey Tribbiani: Only if you think it's better than this... snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.\nMonica Geller: Christmas cookie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, now it's a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.\nGuy: Looks good. I'll take it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you don't want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one.\nGuy: It's-it's-it's almost dead!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay but that's why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil it's Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the ah, trees that don't fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.\nGuy: I-I think I'm gonna look around a little bit more.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, you gotta stop this, I working on commission here.\nMonica Geller: Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my Christmas tree.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well look no further, this one's yours! Ahhh.\nMonica Geller: Is this the one that I threw out last year?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone wants to have a green one! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional, I guess it's just the holidays, it's hard.\nMonica Geller: Oh honey, is that 'cause your Mom died around Christmas?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?\nGirl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.\nRoss Geller: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.\nGirl: You're a big scrud.\nRoss Geller: What's a scrud?\nGirl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.\nRoss Geller: I don't have too. I can just look at you.\nLeader: All right girls, and man. Let's see your final tallies. Ohhhh, Debbie, 321 boxes of cookies, Very nice.\nRoss Geller: Not nice enough.\nLeader: Charla, 278. Sorry, dear, but still good.\nRoss Geller: Good for a scrud.\nLeader: Oh, yes Elizabeth. Ah, 871.\nRoss Geller: That's crap!! Sister Brown Bird. Good going.\nLeader: Who's next?\nRoss Geller: Hi there!\nLeader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.\nRoss Geller: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious... nuget... diffency.\nChandler Bing: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.\nRoss Geller: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.\nChandler Bing: Hey! How'd the interview go?\nRachel Green: Oh, I blew it. I wouldn't of even hired me.\nRoss Geller: Oh, come here sweetie, listen, you're gonna go on like a thousand interviews before you get a job. That's not how that was supposed to come out.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is the worst Christmas ever.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, y'know stay here at the coffee house.\nRachel Green: I can't! It's too late! Terry already hired that girl over there. Look at her, she's even got waitress experience. Last night she was teaching everybody how to make napkin... swans.\nRoss Geller: That word was swans.\nChandler Bing: Well seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really perked up my Christmas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, you're the best!\nChandler Bing: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.'\nRachel Green: Hello? Yeah, this is she. Oh! You're kidding! You're kidding! Oh thank you! I love you!\nChandler Bing: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.\nRachel Green: I got the job!\nEveryone: That's great! Hey! Excellent!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, God bless us, everyone.\nRachel Green: Here we go. I'm serving my last cup of coffee. There you go. Enjoy.\nChandler Bing: Should I tell her I ordered tea?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night working here, and I ah, just wanted say that I made some really good friends working here, and ah, it's just time to move on. Ah, and no offence to everybody who ah, still works here, you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.\nRachel's Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, so your gonna use two bags instead of one, see. Now pay attention, 'cause this part's tricky, see some people use filters just once.\nRoss Geller: I'm, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Spacecamp, and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttle's Private Very Special Spacecamp!!\nSarah Tuttle: Really Mr. Geller, you don't have to do this.\nRoss Geller: Oh come on! Here we go! Stand by for mission countdown!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine..., eight, eight, eight... Okay, Blast off!\nChandler Bing: I'm an alien. I'm an alien.\nRoss Geller: Oh no! An asteroid!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Okay, pick a card, any card. All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?\nMonica Geller: Um-mm.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, give it back to me. 5 of hearts.\nRoss Geller: Real magic does exist.\nRachel Green: Wow.\nMonica Geller: Wow. Joey, how do you do it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't tell you that, no.\nRoss Geller: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.\nRachel Green: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.\nMonica Geller: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you go up there and ask him to 'step lightly, please?'\nMonica Geller: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, that is silly. I'll go up there, I'll tell him to keep it down.\nMonica Geller: All right, be my guest.\nRachel Green: Good luck.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I'll show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. I just did it. I just did it, again. Here, I'll slow it down so that you guys can see it.\nEveryone: Oh, I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... .\nGuy: Whoa, you are very beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you.\nChandler Bing: Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?\nMonica Geller: Honey, what's the matter?\nChandler Bing: I just saw Janice.\nEveryone: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know...\nRoss Geller: Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll feel better then.\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you don't have to throw a party for me.\nMonica Geller: It's Joey's birthday.\nChandler Bing: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.\nMonica Geller: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.\nMr. Kaplan: How's that coffee comin,' dear?\nRachel Green: Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.\nMr. Kaplan: I'm not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.\nRachel Green: I know!\nMr. Kaplan: I'll bet your thinking, 'What's an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?' Eh?\nRachel Green: Op.\nMr. Kaplan: Eh.\nRachel Green: Oh, you got me.\nMr. Kaplan: Well, don't think I haven't noticed your potential. Well, I've got a project for you that's a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?\nRachel Green: Oh, that sounds great.\nMr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.\nMr. Kaplan: I need these hangers separated ASAP. You're welcome.\nRachel Green: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.\nMonica Geller: I know honey, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it's remotely related to the field they're interested in.\nMonica Geller: Gee, I don't know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!\nRachel Green: Oh honey, come on, I'm sorry, I didn't... I don't mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.\nRachel Green: Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?\nGuy: I'm sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah...\nRachel Green: It's not funny, this is actually my job.\nGuy: Oh believe me, I-I-I've been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.\nRachel Green: Oh well then, so I'm just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.\nGuy: Ah, just one other thing.\nRachel Green: Yes?!\nGuy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale's and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?\nRachel Green: Do you want my pickle?\nGunther: Hey guys.\nMonica Geller: Hey Gunther. Hi. I mean you're going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he's very charming.\nMonica Geller: I know, he's too charming, but if you two start going out, then it's just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you're just gonna have to try.\nMonica Geller: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, Chandler is supposed to be passin' 'em around...\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hello-dillillio!!\nRoss Geller: Oh, somebody's feeling better.\nMonica Geller: Stick out your tongue.\nChandler Bing: Take off your shirt!\nMonica Geller: Oh my!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.\nRachel Green: The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! So I'm out having lunch at Monica's and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he's gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nRachel Green: I know!\nRoss Geller: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh!\nRoss Geller: And he's, he's a total stranger?\nRachel Green: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.\nRoss Geller: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.\nRachel Green: What!?\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.\nRachel Green: To be nice.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, only for sex.\nRoss Geller: Thank you. So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?\nRachel Green: I didn't have to, because I was wearing my 'I heart Ross' sandwich board and ringing my bell.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nJoey's Sisters: Joey!!! Happy Birthday!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!\nChandler Bing: Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?\nMonica Geller: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey's sisters.\nChandler Bing: Hi Joey's sisters!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nCookie Tribbiani: Hey. What are we drinkin' over here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.\nCookie Tribbiani: No kiddin,' that's the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.\nSister 1: What 'cha doing?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.\nJoey's Sisters: Oh!!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no, no, it's a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can't we savor the precious moments? Those are some huge breasts you have.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.\nMonica Geller: Isn't that great?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.\nMonica Geller: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 'Hummina-hummina-hummina.'\nRoss Geller: That's excellent.\nRoss Geller: So, he's just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping him?\nRachel Green: Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him, but y'know, that's true of any job.\nMonica Geller: How ya feelin'?\nChandler Bing: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, because I drank it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.\nEveryone: Woooo hoooo!!!\nChandler Bing: Ow, no 'woo-hooing,' no 'woo-hooing.'\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, what happened?\nChandler Bing: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. Well, that's not the worst part.\nMonica Geller: What is the worse part?\nChandler Bing: I can't remember which sister.\nRoss Geller: You see what men do! Don't tell me men are not nice! This is men!!\nMonica Geller: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he's actually going to kill you dead.\nChandler Bing: Okay! You don't think I thought of that?\nPhoebe Buffay: How can you not know which one?\nRachel Green: I mean that's unbelievable.\nMonica Geller: I mean, was it Gina?\nRoss Geller: Which one is Gina?\nRachel Green: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.\nMonica Geller: No, no, no, that's Dina.\nChandler Bing: You see you can't tell which one is which either, dwha!!\nPhoebe Buffay: We didn't fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!\nChandler Bing: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.\nMonica Geller: That was me.\nChandler Bing: Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: That's okay.\nRachel Green: That's all right.\nRoss Geller: That's okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I talk to you for a second?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, Joey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on!!\nChandler Bing: Why can't we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.\nJoey Tribbiani: I just got off the phone with my sister.\nRoss Geller: Ah, which, which one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mary-Angela.\nRoss Geller: Mary-Angela.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Y'know which one was she again?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't you ask Chandler, 'cause he's the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin' over Janice by groping my sister.\nChandler Bing: It's gotta be the first one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? That's great! You and my sister, sittin' in a tree.\nChandler Bing: Yep, I'm in a tree.\nRachel Green: Did he call? Did Mark call?\nMonica Geller: No honey, I'm sorry, but the weekend's not over yet.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh my God, is that Phoebe?\nMonica Geller: I guess they're back from their date.\nRachel Green: Music. Very nice.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: So, how are you?\nMonica Geller: I am good. I finished my book.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, what's it about?\nMonica Geller: I don't remember. Do you wanna take a walk?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I do.\nRoss Geller: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How's it going. This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. What the hell's a matter with you? How do you think Joey's going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?\nChandler Bing: Well, that's the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I'll be in Cuba.\nRoss Geller: All right, look, look, you've got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.\nChandler Bing: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?\nRoss Geller: Where in Cuba?\nChandler Bing: Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?\nChandler Bing: I'm here to see Mary-Angela.\nJoey Tribbiani: You are so the man! Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Where's Mary-Angela?\nJoey Tribbiani: She's right in there.\nJoey's Sisters: Hey, Chandler!\nRachel Green: I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's Sunday night, and he didn't call.\nRoss Geller: Bummer.\nRachel Green: Yeah, right. Look at you, you're practically giddy.\nRoss Geller: No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, why don't you just call Mark. I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you've got to make stuff happen.\nRoss Geller: But, you, you don't want to seem too pushy.\nMonica Geller: Honey, it's not pushy, he gave her his home number.\nRoss Geller: What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?\nRachel Green: Yeah, and you don't mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.\nRoss Geller: That's right good things, that-that is what I said.\nRachel Green: Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green. Oh no, don't you apologize. Yeah, I'll hold. He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.\nRoss Geller: That is so made up!\nRachel Green: Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it's perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! I got the interview!\nMonica Geller: Yay!\nRoss Geller: There you go.\nRachel Green: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that is amazing!\nRoss Geller: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd expect nothing less.\nRachel Green: I got to figure out what I'm going to wear.\nRoss Geller: High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.\nRachel Green: Yeah! Right! Okay, I'll see you guys later. Woo hoo!\nRoss Geller: You go get 'em. What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: 'Why don't you call him?!' Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!\nMonica Geller: Are you crazy?!\nRoss Geller: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.\nMonica Geller: What?! Ross y'know this isn't even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you're right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?\nRoss Geller: No.\nMonica Geller: I mean don't you trust her?\nRoss Geller: Well, yeah!\nMonica Geller: Then get over yourself! Grow up!\nRoss Geller: You grow up.\nChandler Bing: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?\nJoey's Grandmother: No! I did!\nChandler Bing: Well, it's, it's yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?\nJoey's Grandmother: Of course! It's her favorite.\nChandler Bing: So um, Mary-Angela, what's your second favorite?\nJoey's Grandmother: More of Grandma's teramisu.\nChandler Bing: Would you just please...give me the receipt 'cause this is great. It's top notch.\nJoey's Grandmother: That dies with me.\nChandler Bing: So will I.\nJoey's Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn't mean anything.\nJoey's Sister: Just do it.\nChandler Bing: Will you excuse me I have to um...\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey's Sister: Finally, I thought we'd never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party.\nChandler Bing: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. Um, I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.\nJoey's Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.\nChandler Bing: Ahhhh, you're not Mary-Angela.\nJoey's Sister: No, I'm Mary-Theresa.\nChandler Bing: This is so bad. If-if you're not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?\nMary-Angela: I am!\nChandler Bing: Oh, this is soo bad.\nMary-Angela: Joey!!!\nChandler Bing: No Joey! No Joey! Don't Joey! Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's goin' on?\nChandler Bing: You're it! Now run and hide!\nMary-Theresa: It's no big deal. Chandler was just kissin' me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?\nChandler Bing: I wasn't sure which one Mary-Angela was. Look, I'm sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.\nJoey's Sister: I say, punch him Joey.\nEveryone: Yeah! Punch him!!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother's not going to punch me. Are ya?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you'd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!\nChandler Bing: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you're my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.\nCookie Tribbiani: So what. I say, punch him.\nEveryone: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No! No, I'm not going to punch Chandler.\nCookie Tribbiani: I'll do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: No you won't. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he's sorry. But, you've got one more apology to make, all right, you've got to apologize to Mary-Angela.\nChandler Bing: Okay, absolutely!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nChandler Bing: You've got it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cookie, now you can punch him!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: What are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I...\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: How'd did it go?\nRachel Green: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn't shut up.\nRoss Geller: I'm so proud of you.\nRachel Green: Me too!\nRoss Geller: Listen, I'm ah, I'm sorry I've been so crazy and jealous and, it's just that I like you a lot, so...\nRachel Green: I know.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMark Robinson: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Hi Mark!\nMark Robinson: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.\nRachel Green: Oh, I did!\nMark Robinson: Yes.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!!\nRoss Geller: Congratu!! -lations-lations.\nMonica Geller: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well y'know.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I do know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ick, you were eavesdropping.\nRachel Green: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.\nRoss Geller: Maybe he's just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?\nRoss Geller: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, that's it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! But, is he a big guy?\nRoss Geller: Ah, we'll all go. Come on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks you guys! Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Don't worry.\nPhoebe Buffay: God, I hope they kick his ass!\nRachel Green: Honey, I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: Y'know if it's any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you.\nGuy: May I help you?"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Okay. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.\nRachel Green: Tell him.\nRoss Geller: It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!\nChandler Bing: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?\nRoss Geller: Why?\nChandler Bing: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.\nRoss Geller: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?\nRoss Geller: Hmm? Oh, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!\nChandler Bing: It must take you forever to find your keys.\nRachel Green: Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.\nRoss Geller: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?\nRachel Green: Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.\nRoss Geller: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. Is this actually a lunchbox?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hey, so can you make it on Friday?\nRoss Geller: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again?\nChandler Bing: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.\nPhoebe Buffay: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich. Why don't you get a magician?!\nChandler Bing: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.\nRoss Geller: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, he's really good looking. What am I gonna do?\nChandler Bing: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! Don't cry outloud.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?\nChandler Bing: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.\nJoey Tribbiani: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh I left My Heart in San Francisco.\nRoss Geller: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who?\nChandler Bing: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.\nJoey Tribbiani: The what?\nChandler Bing: The abridgment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, okay. The what?\nMark Robinson: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?\nRachel Green: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?\nMark Robinson: Twenty percent.\nRachel Green: Oh!! I love this job! Wow! My first call.\nMark Robinson: Here, let me. Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?\nRoss Geller: Hi, is Rachel there?\nMark Robinson: And who may I say is calling?\nRoss Geller: This is Ross?\nMark Robinson: Ross of...\nRoss Geller: Of Ross and Rachel.\nMark Robinson: Oh hi. It's, it's Mark.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, hey Mark.\nMark Robinson: Hey, hold on a second.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hi honey!\nRoss Geller: Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone?\nRachel Green: Oh, he's just goofing around.\nRoss Geller: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?\nRachel Green: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.\nRoss Geller: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you!\nRoss Geller: Okay, bye-bye.\nRachel Green: Ow! Ross!!\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing another number.\nJeannine: All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.\nMonica Geller: Please, I'm not going for anything.\nJeannine: Well, if you don't, I will.\nMonica Geller: Would you please go?\nJeannine: Night Mon. Night Julio.\nJulio (poet): Adios.\nMonica Geller: Look Julio, someone left their book here.\nJulio (poet): Ah actually, that is mine.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, what are you reading?\nJulio (poet): Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?\nMonica Geller: Have I read it? No, are you enjoying it?\nJulio (poet): I thought I would, but the translation's no good.\nMonica Geller: Your a poet and don't know it.\nJulio (poet): Actually I ah, I am a poet.\nMonica Geller: Oh, then you do know it. So um what kind of things do you write about?\nJulio (poet): Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this lip.\nMonica Geller: Mine? Right here?\nJulio (poet): I can write an epic poem about this lip.\nMonica Geller: How would that go? Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.\nJoey Tribbiani: You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, you've got to pick a pocket or two...\nDirector: Lovely, just lovely.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? Thanks.\nDirector: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent, I'll be there.\nDirector: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.\nDirector: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.\nChandler Bing: ...three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, can you dance at all?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I can dance, y'know.\nChandler Bing: Oh no, no, no, no.\nPhoebe Buffay: What, what is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.\nChandler Bing: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. Hello? Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita?\nMonica Geller: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.\nChandler Bing: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?\nMonica Geller: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out.\nJoey Tribbiani: The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...\nChandler Bing: To yourself. Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.\nMonica Geller: Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, I'm not done.\nMonica Geller: All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys.\nChandler Bing: Bye-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica!\nChandler Bing: What, what, what?!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!\nChandler Bing: You really think that is what he meant?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Done.\nMark Robinson: Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm...\nMark Robinson: Wh-what's that?\nRoss Geller: It's from Ross, it's a love bug.\nMark Robinson: Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.\nRachel Green: Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.\nMan: Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nMan: One, two, three...\nQuartet: Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss.\nThe Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.\nQuartet: And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend...\nThe Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.\nQuartet: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross... Ross!\nRoss Geller: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!\nRachel Green: All right Ross!! I get it!!\nRoss Geller: I mean my God...\nRachel Green: You're hurt!\nRoss Geller: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!\nRachel Green: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!\nRoss Geller: I would never do that!\nRachel Green: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.\nRoss Geller: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mark's a genius!\nRoss Geller: Why?! How?! How is he a genius?\nChandler Bing: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.\nRoss Geller: What am I going to do?\nChandler Bing: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.\nRoss Geller: I don't know you guys.\nChandler Bing: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'\nJoey Tribbiani: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'\nChandler Bing: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?\nWoman: Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.\nMark Robinson: And wait, I've got something for you.\nWoman: Mark!!\nMark Robinson: It's okay, Rachel knows.\nWoman: Yeah, but even soo.\nMark Robinson: I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you.\nRachel Green: Ohhh! That is soo sweet!\nMark Robinson: Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.\nRoss Geller: All right that's, that's it!! Get off her!\nMark Robinson: What is going on?\nRoss Geller: What's going on?! That's what's going on!!\nRachel Green: Ross!\nRoss Geller: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! Hi Rach.\nDirector: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, does that mean the audition is off?\nDirector: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nDirector: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.\nDirector: Have fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you wrapping?\nMonica Geller: Oh-ho, look what I got Julio.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's a vase.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.\nMonica Geller: What do you mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh.\nMonica Geller: So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?\nJulio (poet): What?\nMonica Geller: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.\nJulio (poet): Whoa, whoa, whoa.\nMonica Geller: You don't even know me...\nJulio (poet): Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.\nMonica Geller: What?\nJulio (poet): The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe...\nJulio (poet): No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah.\nDirector: All right, let's do it!\nDirector: No, no, no. What was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.\nDirector: Well, people!\nJoey Tribbiani: People, people, people.\nDirector: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. Show 'em how it's done. Count it off.\nRachel Green: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. See, she's fully dressed, right?\nRachel Green: Right.\nChandler Bing: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, I was an idiot.\nRachel Green: A big idiot.\nRoss Geller: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me.\nRachel Green: Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now?\nRoss Geller: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.\nGunther: Let it be me! Let it be me!\nRachel Green: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous.\nRoss Geller: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?\nRachel Green: Where ya going?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.\nRachel Green: Ohh, with who?\nRoss Geller: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.\nRachel Green: There was a woman at the... The stripper?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: You have a play date with a stripper?!\nChandler Bing: Man, I gotta get a kid.\nRoss Geller: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?\nRachel Green: Sure, is she married?\nRoss Geller: Ahh, no.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Are you jealous?\nRachel Green: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own?\nRoss Geller: You are totally jealous.\nRachel Green: I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I...\nRoss Geller: Honey, I love you too.\nRachel Green: Ugh. Wait, wait, wait.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nRachel Green: Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.\nMan: Is there a Julio here?\nJulio (poet): I am Julio.\nMan: Mister Pretensous, you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.\nQuartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.\nBass Singer: No one likes a buttmunch.\nQuartet: And your also bad in bedd-edd-edd!."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hi.\nClerk: Six dollars, please.\nMonica Geller: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.\nClerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and, aww, it's 8:02.\nMonica Geller: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you're gonna have to help me out here, 'cause I only have three.\nRichard Burke: I can help with that.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. Richard? Hi!\nRichard Burke: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Wow! Your lip went bald. Hey, thanks.\nRichard Burke: So, you look great.\nMonica Geller: Right.\nRichard Burke: No you do. You... just...\nMonica Geller: What?\nRichard Burke: You've got panties stuck to your leg.\nMonica Geller: That's because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and it's static cling. Or maybe it's just that God knew I'd be running into you and saw an opportunity.\nRichard Burke: It's good to see you.\nMonica Geller: It's good to see you too.\nMonica Geller: You see that guy? He's in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave he's going straight to the porn.\nRichard Burke: He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. This is nice.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRichard Burke: I missed this.\nMonica Geller: Me too.\nRichard Burke: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?\nMonica Geller: Oh, um, I don't know if that's a good idea.\nRichard Burke: Oh. Look, just friends, I won't grope you. I promise.\nMonica Geller: No, I just I think that it's too soon.\nRichard Burke: No it's not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, baby!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?\nRoss Geller: No thanks. I'm 29.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, I gotta go to work!\nRoss Geller: Oh sweetie, when do you think you're going to get off tonight?\nRachel Green: Oh I don't know honey. It's gonna be really late.\nRoss Geller: Oh come on, not again.\nRachel Green: I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll make a deal with you all right? Okay?\nRoss Geller: Hmm.\nRachel Green: For every night that you're asleep before I get home from work...\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I will wake you up in a way that's proved very popular in the past.\nRoss Geller: Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.\nRachel Green: Right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nEveryone: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that's he's going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.\nRoss Geller: And what are you going to do for him?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm going to let him.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Cool.\nMonica Geller: Morning.\nEveryone: Hey.\nRachel Green: Somebody got in late last night.\nMonica Geller: Yeah well, I ran into Richard.\nRachel Green: When did this happen?\nMonica Geller: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent burger.\nRoss Geller: So, are you gonna see him again?\nMonica Geller: Tomorrow night.\nRachel Green: Monica, what are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.\nMonica Geller: It's not a date, okay. I'm just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you'll probably be hungry after the sex.\nMonica Geller: We're not gonna have sex! Okay, nothing's changed here. He still doesn't want children and I still do, so that's why we're just gonna be friends.\nRoss Geller: Naked friends.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Do you have any ice?\nJoey Tribbiani: Check the freezer. If there's none in there, then we're probably out. Are you just getting in from work? It's late.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?\nJoey Tribbiani: I discovered I'm able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.\nRachel Green: Hmm. Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.\nRachel Green: But ah, you're safe from it if it's in the freezer?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure we've got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.\nRachel Green: How often do you read it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again?\nRachel Green: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean that's a classic, what's so great about The Shining?\nJoey Tribbiani: The question should be Rach, what is not so great about the shining. Okay? And the answer would be nothing. All right? This is like the scariest book ever. I bet it's way better than that classic of yours.\nRachel Green: Okay. Ah, well we'll just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, and you will read Little Women.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, you got it.\nRachel Green: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.\nChandler Bing: Oh, hey.\nRobert Bobby: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: You've have lipstick right here . That's okay, it's mine, we just kissed.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nChandler Bing: So ah, isn't a bit cold out for shorts?\nRobert Bobby: Well, I'm from California.\nChandler Bing: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.\nChandler Bing: I'm up! I'm up, I've gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll have coffee.\nRobert Bobby: Yeah, me too.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, make that three.\nChandler Bing: Okay Ross, why don't you come with me?\nRoss Geller: Okay. What ah, what is the matter with you? What's going on?\nChandler Bing: Robert's coming out.\nRoss Geller: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?\nChandler Bing: No. He...he's coming out of his shorts.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: The man is showing brain.\nRoss Geller: Are you sure? Hold on. I'm sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a...\nRobert Bobby: Coffee.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRobert Bobby: We could write it down for you?\nRoss Geller: No, no, that won't be ah, that won't be necessary\nChandler Bing: Wellll?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, yeah!\nChandler Bing: What do we do? What do we do?\nRoss Geller: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.\nChandler Bing: Like an eclipse.\nRichard Burke: So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say?\nMonica Geller: You say 'Thank you very much,' and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, we're gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we're gonna start squishing the tomatoes.\nRichard Burke: Ew, this feels very weird.\nMonica Geller: You touch people's eyeballs every day and this feels weird.\nRichard Burke: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. That's my hand.\nMonica Geller: Oops.\nRichard Burke: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Gotta keep squishing.\nRichard Burke: Tomatoes are squishing.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRichard Burke: Op.\nMonica Geller: Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt.\nRichard Burke: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it and it should umm, be...\nRichard Burke: What?\nMonica Geller: Umm, you've got some on your pants.\nRichard Burke: I'll just throw them out.\nJoey Tribbiani: These little women. Wow!\nChandler Bing: Your liking it, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her.\nRoss Geller: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.\nJoey Tribbiani: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. Oh. You mean it's like a girl-girl thing? 'Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.\nChandler Bing: No, actually Laurie's a boy.\nJoey Tribbiani: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey! How'd the ah, basketball go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer.\nChandler Bing: You mean a three pointer?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I get more because I'm dainty.\nRobert Bobby: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?\nRobert Bobby: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing? Get back over on your side of the... Hello!! Hi, I'm Joey, we haven't met.\nRobert Bobby: Ah, good to meet you. Robert.\nPhoebe Buffay: What? What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? Why are you laughing?!\nRoss Geller: Calm down. There's no reason to get testy.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys!! Come on!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just seems that Robert isn't as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you mean?\nRobert Bobby: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?\nRobert Bobby: Sure.\nMonica Geller: So, how'd the lasagne go over? Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about you too. I know. It's hard this whole platonic thing. It's a word!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I do think it's better this way. Yeah, we're being smart. Yes, I'm sure.\nRichard Burke: You really sure?\nMonica Geller: I'll call you back.\nMonica Geller: So we can be friends who sleep together.\nRichard Burke: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.\nMonica Geller: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies?\nRichard Burke: Just your dad. Although that's actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sister's neighbour next Tuesday.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRichard Burke: You want me to cancel it?\nMonica Geller: No! No!\nRichard Burke: Okay.\nMonica Geller: 'Cause if you do that means you'd be cancelling it for me, and we're just friends.\nRichard Burke: Exactly.\nRobert Bobby: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Ooh! Don't sit down!\nRobert Bobby: You ready to go to the batting cage?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. And, first here's a gift.\nRobert Bobby: Oh! Wow! Hey!\nChandler Bing: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!\nRobert Bobby: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I don't think I can wear these, they're so tight, I feel like I'm on display. I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's all right, that's well, I figured...\nRobert Bobby: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! How's it going?\nRoss Geller: Good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?\nRachel Green: Oh, Danny just went into room 217.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...\nRachel Green: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you're gonna ruin it!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right I'll talk in code. Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?\nChandler Bing: Hmmm, that's very cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make's blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!\nRachel Green: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!\nChandler Bing: I can't believe she cracked your code!\nRachel Green: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though she's still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.\nRachel Green: Eh. Beth dies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Beth, Beth dies?\nRachel Green: Um-hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?\nChandler Bing: No, Beth doesn't die, she doesn't die. Does she Rachel?\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson?\nRachel Green: No. She doesn't die.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then why would you say that?!\nRachel Green: Because, I wanted to hurt you.\nRobert Bobby: Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.\nRachel Green: Oh my...\nRobert Bobby: Got 'em.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Sorry. I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, in a grill fire.\nMonica Geller: What are you smiling at?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, I was just thinking you're day could still pick up.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, right.\nRichard Burke: Hello.\nMonica Geller: I love this friend thing!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, Robert's gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Please, right now, no, every time I see him it's like 'Is it on the lose?' 'Is it watching me?'\nChandler Bing: We can't tell him, you can't go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his... stuff.\nRoss Geller: He's right, even if it's to say something complementary.\nRobert Bobby: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRobert Bobby: So are ready for the gym? They've got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I can spot you from here.\nRobert Bobby: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, listen Robert...\nRoss Geller: Hey, don't we have to...\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we got, um-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I think you're really, really great...\nRobert Bobby: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? Is it something I'm putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I-I-I-I don't know, I don't know what to say.\nGunther: Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.\nMonica Geller: Ow!\nRichard Burke: Really?! Well, it's just like everyone else's apartment. It's got rooms, walls, and ceilings.\nRichard's Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Oh my God!\nRichard Burke: Ah well, this is the living room.\nRichard's Date: Impressive.\nRichard Burke: All right. This is the kitchen.\nRichard's Date: Oh, that's real pretty. Wait a minute, don't I get to see the bedroom?\nRichard Burke: The bedroom. Well it's pretty much your typical... bedroom.\nRichard's Date: We're still on this side of the door.\nRichard Burke: Um-hmm.\nRichard's Date: Yeah, but I didn't get to see it.\nRichard Burke: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. Thanks for a lovely evening.\nMonica Geller: So um, who was she?\nRichard Burke: Oh, that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.\nMonica Geller: Did you like her? And I'm just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.\nRichard Burke: Well, you seem fine.\nMonica Geller: Okay, y'know what, I'm not fine, I'm not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom... Y'know what, what if we're friends who don't see other people?\nRichard Burke: You mean like exclusive friends?\nMonica Geller: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.\nRichard Burke: Wow. Y'know we're back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothing's changed.\nMonica Geller: That's not true, you don't have a moustache.\nRichard Burke: Okay, okay, one thing's changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, I've got to walk out of here right now, 'cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again.\nRichard Burke: I know I couldn't. So...\nMonica Geller: How 'bout one last game of racquetball?\nMonica Geller: Watch the thorns!\nRichard Burke: Ow!!\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Beth is really, really sick.\nRachel Green: Awwww.\nJoey Tribbiani: Jo's there, but I don't think there's anything she could do.\nRachel Green: Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Do you want to put the book in the freezer?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay."}
{"text": "Singer: 'Cause every time I see your face, I can't help but fall from grace. I know...\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! This girl is good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.\nChandler Bing: I like her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?\nChandler Bing: Well, that's pretty much all I'm looking for from these people.\nMonica Geller: Look at you. All jealous.\nRoss Geller: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, she's more.. y'know, and you're more\nSinger: beside meeeee-eeee-ee. .\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she's done.\nSinger: Okay, my next song's called Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn't Have Left You That Way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, one of those 'look for the hidden meaning' songs.\nSinger: Hey Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Leslie, how'd you know I'd be here?\nLeslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm...\nChandler Bing: All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I'd like know whether that's several big fish or just one big fish.\nJoey Tribbiani: So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.\nPhoebe Buffay: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, anything we might of heard of?\nLeslie: Ah, yeah, umm. Home is never far away..\nLeslie: Yeah, but, I don't do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldn't come up with anything good, so they fired me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, bummer.\nLeslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you'd want to get back together?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. But thanks.\nLeslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. No. But thanks.\nLeslie: Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, that was kinda brutal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y'know. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. Can I have a tissue, please?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, sure.\nGunther: Someone in there?\nChandler Bing: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 'wait until the last moment before I burst and die.'\nChandler Bing: Jeez, man did you fall.. Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?\nWoman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn't wait. I left the lid up for ya though.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I'm-I'm talking to ah, . This is the part where you say your name.\nWoman: Ginger.\nChandler Bing: Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger, so...\nGinger: Don't you have to use the bathroom?\nChandler Bing: Nope, nope, I'd just ah, I'd rather talk to you. Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.\nGunther: Someone in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where's Chandler?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, he can't make it, he said he had to his... Whoa-oh!\nGinger: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?\nGinger: Joey I can see you okay? You're hiding behind the coats.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phew, close one.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi, sweetie!\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nMark Robinson: Hi, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, huh.\nRachel Green: I've got some bad news.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.\nRoss Geller: Come on sweetie! You've had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?\nMark Robinson: Actually, it's kinda my fault. I-I quit today.\nRoss Geller: But work comes first! Oh hey, but that's sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?\nRachel Green: Nooo, he's leaving for a better job.\nRoss Geller: Oh well that's great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? Good bye.\nMark Robinson: Okay, then.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Well we're gonna miss you around here.\nMark Robinson: Yeah, me too.\nMark Robinson: So, see ya on Saturday.\nRachel Green: Yeah, you bet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That's the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!\nMonica Geller: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.\nPhoebe Buffay: You never run on a barge!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is ah, is Chandler around?\nMonica Geller: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooh.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, Ginger something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn't something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?\nMonica Geller: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, 'the movie star.'\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, man. That's the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he's my roommate, she's gonna tell him what I did.\nMonica Geller: Well, what did you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can't, I can't tell you that, it's like the most awful, horrible thing I've ever done my whole life.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, don't tell us. We'll just wait until Chandler gets home, because it'll be more fun that way.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner...\nMonica Geller: You gave her food poisoning!?\nJoey Tribbiani: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!\nJoey Tribbiani: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should've told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?\nJoey Tribbiani: I ran!!\nChandler Bing: Well, that's the best kiss I've had with anyone I've ever met in a men's room.\nGinger: Actually, me too.\nChandler Bing: Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.\nGinger: Oh damn, I hate that.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we're gonna have to get you out of those shoes.\nGinger: Oh, don't worry about it.\nChandler Bing: No, really you're gonna freeze.\nGinger: No, I'm not.\nChandler Bing: You're not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?\nGinger: Some day, maybe.\nRachel Green: Funny book?\nRoss Geller: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying 'I'll see you Saturday.'\nRachel Green: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didn't mind.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, no, no, it's-it's not the lecture ah, I mind, umm...\nRachel Green: Oh, please tell me it's not because I'm going with Mark.\nRoss Geller: Oh, well...\nRachel Green: Oh my God!!! Ross!!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm sorry, but ah, look if you're not working with him anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?\nRachel Green: Because, he's my friend.\nRoss Geller: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...\nRachel Green: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?\nRoss Geller: Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?\nRachel Green: I don't know, you thought 'See you Saturday' was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.\nRoss Geller: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.\nRachel Green: Really!?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion... monger.\nRachel Green: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. What?\nRoss Geller: What should I wear, now I'm all nervous.\nMonica Geller: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn't called. Not that I even care, y'know.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe why don't you just call her? You obviously want to.\nPhoebe Buffay: You think you know me so well.\nMonica Geller: Well, don't 'cha wanna?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Okay, well I do know you.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's what I said.\nMonica Geller: Well so?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't. I can't. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 'Okay, bye Pheebs' gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I've ever had in like all my lives.\nLeslie: My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Don't care what people say. My feet's best friends, pals to the end. With them I'm one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I...\nPhoebe Buffay: I stepped in something icky.\nLecturer: We're beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink...\nRoss Geller: I'm really glad we came. You're so pretty. I love you.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.\nLeslie: Wow, that's great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah!\nLeslie: Y'know you could totally sell this. It'd be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign.\nPhoebe Buffay: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.\nLeslie: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I'd be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.\nLeslie: Aw, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's okay. All right, I'm gonna play song that's really, really sad. It's called Magician Box Mix Up.\nLecturer: ...oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh, can I borrow this? My milk's gone bad.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.\nMonica Geller: So umm, how was your date with Ginger?\nChandler Bing: Great. It was great. She's ah, she's great, great looking, great personality, she's greatness.\nMonica Geller: Sounds like she's got the ah, whole package.\nChandler Bing: Joey told you about the leg, huh?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often it's like 'Hey, y'know what, where's your leg?' I mean I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? I'm the smallest person in the world.\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning.\nChandler Bing: Actually he's the smallest person in the world.\nJoey Tribbiani: Heard about the leg burnin' huh?\nChandler Bing: It came up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, I ah, I know it's a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?\nRoss Geller: So I nodded off a little.\nRachel Green: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks!\nRoss Geller: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.\nRachel Green: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he's 'Hey everybody! Remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years. Well there's this little bone we didn't know it had!'\nRoss Geller: First of all it's Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly.\nRachel Green: Okay, see now, what I just heard, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so...\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island.\nRachel Green: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn't go with Mark?\nRoss Geller: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don't know, I feel like lately, I feel like you're slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and you've got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it's dumb, but I hate that I'm not a part of it.\nRachel Green: It's not dumb. But, maybe it's okay that you're not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? I mean it's like, I-I-I like that you're not involved in that part of my life.\nRoss Geller: That's a little clearer.\nRachel Green: Honey see, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it's-it's for me y'know, I'm out there, on my own, and I'm doing it and it's scary but I love it, because it's mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?\nRoss Geller: Sure, I-I-I...\nGinger: Your thinking about my leg aren't you?\nChandler Bing: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?\nGinger: It's okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is 'how much it bothers you?' because I don't like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?\nChandler Bing: No. No. I don't think so.\nGinger: Okay. It's just like anything else, you just have to get used to it.\nGinger: What's that?\nChandler Bing: That's-that's my nubbin.\nGinger: What's a nubbin?\nChandler Bing: It's kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.\nGinger: You have three nipples?\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... Ahh, what?\nGinger: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.\nChandler Bing: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?\nGinger: Ah well, it's nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I'll see you later. Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I thought you weren't coming. What? Where were you?\nLeslie: Come here, come here. Okay, don't get mad, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't give me a reason to get mad, okay\nLeslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, look, I told you that I didn't want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would've done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can't trust you then just forget it.\nLeslie: No, no, I don't want to forget it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won't be partners. So what's it gonna be?\nCommercial: Problem odour in the litter box? Don't change your kitty, change your kitty litter.\nMonica Geller: Sorry, Pheebs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. You okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life's gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: We'd love too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. 'Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.' That's all I have so far.\nChandler Bing: Well hello!\nJoey Tribbiani: Where have you been?\nChandler Bing: The doctor.\nRoss Geller: Is everything okay?\nChandler Bing: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting.\nMonica Geller: Wow! It's like Rachel in High School.\nRachel Green: What?!!\nMonica Geller: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!\nChandler Bing: That was an obvious joke, and I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?\nMonica Geller: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95.\nJoey Tribbiani: Done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. I need an atlas! I need an atlas!\nMonica Geller: Why? Do you have a report due?\nPhoebe Buffay: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I don't know where his country is.\nMonica Geller: Okay, let's start with the free messages outside the UN.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!! That's my new thing. I figure bodies at peace, make peace.\nMonica Geller: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ick-neck-tree-anis... There's a 'g' in there.\nMonica Geller: Where's that?\nPhoebe Buffay: In your atlas!\nMonica Geller: I don't have an atlas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Oh, but wait I do have a globe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Hold on.\nJoey Tribbiani: So Pheebs what's this guy like?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, well he's very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesn't speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.\nMonica Geller: 'Kay, here you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is this?\nMonica Geller: It's a globe and, a pencil sharpener.\nChandler Bing: Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down to the Xerox place.\nMonica Geller: Oh, no thanks.\nChandler Bing: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.\nMonica Geller: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the belly button ring again?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! You wanna come?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!!\nIssac: Can I help you?\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, y'know what, we're having second thoughts about our copying needs. And we'll need a little more time to think about it.\nIssac: Chloe, switch with me, there's some guys here that got a crush on you.\nChandler Bing: Okay, that hurt us.\nChloe: Hi guys. I haven't seen you since this morning.\nChandler Bing: Well ah, ...y'know.\nChloe: Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Both of us?\nChloe: Maybe. Does that scare ya?\nChloe: Relax. It's just Issac's D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.\nJoey Tribbiani: We'll be there.\nChloe: Great. I'll ah, see ya then.\nChandler Bing: All right, rock on.\nSergei: \nMischa: He's says, 'Walking with you makes this strange city, feel like home.'\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So that's dumb what I said, don't tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. Nice, thank you. This is me. Here.\nMischa: Your eyes are very pretty.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you, very much! Oh! Thank you!\nMischa: He would like to kiss you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, y'know what, you don't have to do that now. No-no-no-no!! Not him, you don't! Well the moment's over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMischa: Oy!\nPhoebe Buffay: See there it is right there.\nMonica Geller: Wow! It's small.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.\nMonica Geller: So you had fun, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Except for, y'know when you're on a date and you're getting along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way.\nMonica Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: What is ah, Rach in her room?\nMonica Geller: Oh no, she's still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her.\nRoss Geller: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesn't she know it's our anniversary?\nMonica Geller: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. Call Rachel.\nRoss Geller: What's that on the bottom?\nMonica Geller: Oh that's my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. She's fancy.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hey, honey.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what's going on?\nRachel Green: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and I've got to get this order in. Honey, I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm gonna be here all night.\nRoss Geller: What, do you, well umm, oh how about I come up there?\nRachel Green: No-no-no, no, honey please, I've got, I've just have so much to deal with.\nPhoebe Buffay: Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translator's date? So that when we, it's time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, he's really, he's kinda cute.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well kinda cute, like really kinda cute, or kinda cute like your friend Spackel Back Larry?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, don't call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, 10:30.\nChandler Bing: What time is it now?\nJoey Tribbiani: 4:30.\nChandler Bing: Yeah all right, so we'll hang out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us?\nChandler Bing: Yes. Vividly.\nJoey Tribbiani: She was kidding about that right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I-I-I think so. Yeah, I-I think so...\nJoey Tribbiani: God, that would be weird it that situation presented itself tonight, huh?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I don't know.\nChandler Bing: She was kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: She was... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you don't want to be doing something and then look up and see something you don't want to be seeing.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... y'know each would, y'know be?\nChandler Bing: Right. Right. Well ah, y'know we could flip for it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess, but what's like heads and what's tails?\nChandler Bing: Well it you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, I'm looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And... What does it matter, what I'm wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? Thank you. We're holding.\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Oh!! My God, what are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: Well you said you couldn't go out so...\nSophie: You brought a picnic, oh, what a boyfriend. That's it, on Monday I start wearing make-up.\nRachel Green: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but I got cous-cous!\nRachel Green: Honey, honey, I'm sorry, I know it's our anniversary but I told you on the phone I don't have time to stop.\nRoss Geller: Okay, you don't have to stop, I'm invisible, I'm not here.\nRachel Green: But I don't, hmm... Oh, who approved that order?! Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. Get me Mark on the phone!\nSophie: I love Mark. Do you know Mark?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!\nRachel Green: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...\nRoss Geller: Pepper?\nRachel Green: None for me.\nRoss Geller: Okay sorry, whew.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and I'm sorry but that's... Oh my God!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.\nRachel Green: Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back, I've got a Schemp in my office. What are you doing?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebody's off the phone, how 'bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again.\nRachel Green: Ross you're not listening to me, I don't have time to stop.\nRoss Geller: Come on Rach, you don't have what, ten minutes?\nRachel Green: I don't have ten minutes!!\nRoss Geller: What? Sophie, does she have ten minutes?\nRachel Green: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I don't!\nRoss Geller: Don't yell at me okay, this is the most I've seen you all week.\nRachel Green: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, I've got a deadline, would you just go home, I'll talk to you later.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but wait...\nRachel Green: Good bye!\nSophie: Actually, that's our three hole punch.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...\nRoss Geller: No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed.\nRachel Green: I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me.\nRoss Geller: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?\nRachel Green: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.\nRachel Green: But I told you, I didn't have the time!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?\nRoss Geller: No, but it'd be nice if you realised, it's just a job!\nRachel Green: Just a job!\nRoss Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...\nRoss Geller: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore.\nRachel Green: Well neither do I!\nRoss Geller: Is this about Mark?\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's not, it's not.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.\nRoss Geller: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.\nRachel Green: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something..\nRachel Green: No. A break from us.\nChloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.\nChloe: Hey, it's the dinosaur guy. Hi, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hi Chloe.\nChloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say 'let's Ross it!'\nChandler Bing: And that's the only colour that comes in.\nIssac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?\nChloe: Oh!\nChandler Bing: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, we're gonna break-up instead.\nMonica Geller: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Why? What did I say?\nMischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't say Boutros Boutros Gali.\nMischa: Boutros Boutros Gali.\nMischa: He says he was too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Interesting.\nMischa: So I was wondering...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, ah, before you get all talky again, umm, could you also please tell Sergei that I really like his suit.\nMischa: Eh, he said, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair, golden like the sun. So you're a chef?\nMonica Geller: I'm also thinking about opening up my own restaurant.\nMischa: Oh, really.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please. What are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Well, I was having a conversation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I haven't been able to say two words to each other.\nMonica Geller: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?\nPhoebe Buffay: That would be great. Thank you.\nRachel Green: Hello!\nMark Robinson: Oh, hi. It's Mark.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMark Robinson: What? Is it my breath?\nRachel Green: No! Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else. Hi!\nMark Robinson: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isn't tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Well, umm...\nMark Robinson: Rach, are you okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm fine.\nMark Robinson: You wanna talk, I mean I can come over?\nRachel Green: No! Really, no, please, please, that's, that's okay.\nMark Robinson: All right, all right, I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, I'm not, I'm not hungry.\nMark Robinson: It's for me.\nRachel Green: Oh. Okay, bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what are you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.\nChandler Bing: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.\nRoss Geller: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to wait a while?\nChandler Bing: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!\nChandler Bing: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.\nChandler Bing: Why? What happened to him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing, he's just really believes in that.\nRachel Green: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.\nMark Robinson: Wow. I'm sorry. Eggroll?\nRachel Green: No. And then I called him, and he wasn't there.\nMark Robinson: Well, then he's, he's probably just, out.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you that's very helpful, I'm glad you came over.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hi! It's me.\nRachel Green: Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you called.\nRoss Geller: Really? I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?\nMark Robinson: Hey, what do you want to drink?\nRoss Geller: Who's that?\nRachel Green: Nobody.\nMark Robinson: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?\nRoss Geller: Is that Mark?\nRachel Green: Umm, honey, look he just came over to...\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Got it!\nChloe: Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance.\nRoss Geller: Ah, that's okay, thanks.\nChloe: Hey, you don't have to smile. You just have to dance.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay?\nChloe: Oh, okay. Hey, two beers.\nMischa: And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Can I have a tissue?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.\nMischa: Sergei, would like to apologise for my behaviour tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, tell him, apology accepted.\nMischa: Oh, he's unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! You silly diplomat, why don't you learn some English, Sergei?\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, but umm, isn't he paying for your dinner?\nMonica Geller: Hey, the man's dog just died.\nMischa: I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.\nMonica Geller: It will be my pleasure. My guy has diplomatic coupons. Your guy can't even say coupons.\nSergei: Uh, plate?\nPhoebe Buffay: Plate! Yes, plate.\nSergei: Plate. Plate. Plate.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, we don't need them.\nSergei: Plate?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I like this song.\nChloe: Well, you're practically dancing already. Why don't you just do it over here?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, no.\nChloe: What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.\nRachel Green: Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, you're not home.\nChloe: Still no smile?\nSergei: Touchet, touchet, Miss Americccan pie. Ameri-ccan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ameri-can.\nSergei: Ameri-ccan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ameri-can. Y'know it's a very hard language. Let's do it again.\nSergei: Everybody!!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore.\nRachel Green: You want me to just quit my job so that you can feel like you've got a girlfriend?\nRoss Geller: Is this about Mark?\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's not, it's not.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight with you Ross! Look, urrgh, maybe we should take a break.\nRoss Geller: Fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yoghurt, or something..\nRachel Green: No. A break from us.\nRachel Green: Then, we had this big, stupid fight, and I said I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.\nRoss Geller: I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?\nMark Robinson: Hey, what do you want to drink?\nRoss Geller: Who's that?\nRachel Green: Nobody.\nRoss Geller: Is that Mark?\nRachel Green: Umm, honey, look he just came over to...\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Got it!\nChloe: Hey, come dance. What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nMonica Geller: How's the big anniversary dinner?\nRachel Green: Well, we never actually got to dinner.\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, nice.\nRachel Green: No, we kinda broke up instead.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: God, Monica it's on the ceiling.\nMonica Geller: That's okay, this is more important than fruit on my ceiling! You broke up?!\nRachel Green: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.\nMonica Geller: Oh no!!\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, you and Mark?!\nRachel Green: No, no-no, it's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realised how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work.\nChloe: Morning!\nRachel Green: Hi, it's me. I've been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!\nRachel Green: Eh, I'm just so sorry I put you through it. And, I y'know, I don't want to get back together over a machine.\nRoss Geller: Na-huh.\nRachel Green: So, I love you.\nRoss Geller: I love you.\nRachel Green: And y'know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed now, but ah, on my way to work tomorrow morning, I'm gonna stop by around 8:30.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Chloe, Chloe how's it coming?!!\nChloe: Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?\nRoss Geller: Umm, oh, hey, I don't know. How about a big one?\nChloe: But my apartment is so...\nRoss Geller: Well then a small one!! Listen, let's, we kinda have to get going!\nChloe: Wait! Where's my shoes?\nRoss Geller: You, you sure you need shoes? Okay.\nChloe: Do I know why we're rushing?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!\nChloe: That's so great for you guys!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChloe: You must be so happy!\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things I'm feeling. Well...\nChloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank you. Hey, hey. Rachel!!!!\nRachel Green: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.\nRachel Green: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?\nRoss Geller: Yes, you can, very much.\nRoss Geller: Ahhhh!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, why are you mopping your ceiling?\nMonica Geller: Oh, there's banana on it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.\nMonica Geller: So then you know?\nPhoebe Buffay: The mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail.\nMonica Geller: Oh, good. Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now what is Fabutec?\nMonica Geller: Okay, all right don't judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing...\nPhoebe Buffay: Waxine!!\nMonica Geller: Yes! Have you seen it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.\nMonica Geller: I know!!\nPhoebe Buffay: God. Do think it really doesn't hurt? 'Cause how can they do that?\nMonica Geller: Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest!\nPhoebe Buffay: They have the best stuff in there.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?\nRoss Geller: You think?! God, I, ah, I'm in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all like, 'I love you and, and let's work on this.' And all I can think about is, 'What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say?' when I tell her what I did.\nChandler Bing: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?\nRoss Geller: What?! Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Ross look, I'm on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.\nChandler Bing: He's right. Nobody's gonna benefit, and you're just gonna hurt her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but don't you think...\nChandler Bing: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, okay, now, we just have to make sure she doesn't find out some other way. Did you think about the trail?\nRoss Geller: What trail?\nJoey Tribbiani: The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! You always have to think about the trail!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I-I don't think there's any trail.\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issac's sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebe's friends with Rachel. And that's the trail, I did it!\nPhoebe Buffay: After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,\nMonica Geller: Did that!\nPhoebe Buffay: Grasp one of the linen strips by its 'easy grab tab' and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Ow!!!!! Ow-oh-oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Was it not pain-free?\nMonica Geller: No. It was painful. Oh my God , they should call it Pain-zine, now with a little wax.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.\nMonica Geller: That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid. But hey, y'know if you don't believe me, please, by my guest.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!\nMonica Geller: Now, are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?\nRoss Geller: Chloe? Hi..\nChloe: Is this about me taking your watch?\nRoss Geller: You took my watch?\nChloe: I'm sorry, I do that.\nRoss Geller: Just you keep it, listen did you, did you tell anyone about us?\nChloe: Oh no. I feel it isn't really anybody's business, y'know.\nRoss Geller: Exactly. So you didn't, didn't mention anything to Issac right?\nChloe: Oh, well I tell Issac everything.\nRoss Geller: You tell, of course you do. Issac. Issac. Hey, Issac. Issac, hi! Y'know we haven't actually met...\nIssac: You dog!\nRoss Geller: Yes, I suppose I am a dog. But Issac, see I-I happen to have a girlfriend.\nIssac: Oh right, that Rachel chick from the coffee place.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt her.\nIssac: Oh, hey, man I know, doesn't matter how much we love 'em, monogamy is too cruel a rule.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?\nIssac: Aw, no problem dude. Y'know we got to look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.\nRoss Geller: Actually, no, we're not.\nIssac: Yeah, we are.\nRoss Geller: No, we're not.\nIssac: Yeah, we are.\nRoss Geller: No, we're not!!\nIssac: Okay, we're not.\nRoss Geller: Right.\nIssac: But, we are.\nRoss Geller: Fine. I just need to know that you're not gonna tell your sister.\nIssac: I can promise not to tell her again.\nRoss Geller: Jasmine?\nJasmine: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: We met at Phoebe's birthday party, I'm, I'm Ross Geller.\nJasmine: You did a bad thing!\nRoss Geller: Yes, I did.\nJasmine: Very bad!\nRoss Geller: Very bad.\nJasmine: Very, very bad.\nRoss Geller: I'm agreeing with you. Did you, listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?\nJasmine: No.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Jasmine, please, please don't. I love my girlfriend very much, and I want more than anything to just work it out with her. Okay?\nJasmine: All right.\nRoss Geller: Thank you, thank you.\nJasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate, because I told him and he knows Phoebe too.\nRoss Geller: Who's your roommate?\nRoss Geller: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.\nGunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?\nMonica Geller: Ow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!!\nMonica Geller: Ow!! Ow!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ow!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: We're all right.\nMonica Geller: It's okay, it's okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: We're all right.\nMonica Geller: We were just waxing our legs.\nChandler Bing: Off?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well I don't think you can make that statement, unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, that's all. I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, come here.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's mature.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, fine, so now what, I just pull it off?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: That's right.\nRoss Geller: Come on, Rachel, come on! Talk to me! Please!!\nRachel Green: I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you right now!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, nothing.\nMonica Geller: Rachel said everything was okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: What, what are they talking about?\nRoss Geller: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Just get away from me!\nRoss Geller: No, it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?\nRachel Green: A mistake?! What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Whe-where did he put it?!\nRachel Green: Ross, you had sex with another woman!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk...\nMonica Geller: Oh!! You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?!\nChandler Bing: He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.\nRachel Green: Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!\nRoss Geller: No!!\nRachel Green: Just get out! Now!!\nRoss Geller: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.\nRachel Green: Okay! All right! How was she?\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Was she good?\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't answer that.\nRachel Green: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she?\nRoss Geller: She was...\nJoey Tribbiani: Awful! Horrible!\nChandler Bing: She was not good. Not good.\nJoey Tribbiani: She was nothing compared to you.\nRoss Geller: She, she was different.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ewwwww!\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh.\nRachel Green: Good different?\nRoss Geller: Nobody likes change.\nRoss Geller: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Should we do something?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry. I wa-I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy, and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.\nRachel Green: Whoa!! Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? Oh my God. She was there? She was still there? She was in there, when I was in there?!\nRoss Geller: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!\nRachel Green: And yet she was worth jeopardising our relationship!!\nRoss Geller: Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardise. I thought we were broken up.\nRachel Green: We were on a break!\nRoss Geller: That, for all I knew would, could last forever. That to me is a break-up.\nRachel Green: You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay. I thought our relationship was dead!\nRachel Green: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what, I don't think we should listen to this anymore.\nMonica Geller: What, what are you doing? You can't go out there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?! I'm hungry.\nMonica Geller: Because they'll know we've been listening.\nRachel Green: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!\nRoss Geller: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen!\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we'll be fine.\nRoss Geller: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.\nChandler Bing: Wax the door shut, we're never leaving, ever.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, it's Phoebe. Listen someone's gonna have to take my 9:00 with Mr. Rehack, 'cause it's like 9:15 now, and I'm not there.\nRoss Geller: Don't you realise none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you weren't having sex with Mark?\nRachel Green: All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?\nRoss Geller: Yes I would.\nRachel Green: You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?\nRoss Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: You knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were...\nRoss Geller: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.\nEveryone: Ohhhhh!\nRoss Geller: What? Come on Rach, tell me what you're thinking?\nRachel Green: I'm thinking, I'm gonna order a pizza.\nRoss Geller: Order a pizza like, 'I forgive you?'\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. Put olives on the pizza.\nPhoebe Buffay: We could eat the wax! It's organic.\nChandler Bing: Oh great, food with hair on it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not the used wax.\nChandler Bing: Because that would be crazy?\nRoss Geller: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because I'm kinda hungry myself.\nRachel Green: Fine. Hi! Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.\nRoss Geller: No anchovies.\nRachel Green: With ah, extra anchovies.\nRoss Geller: That's okay, I'll just pick 'em off.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?\nRoss Geller: You can have the last piece, if you want.\nRachel Green: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: They're gonna get through this, aren't they?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, come on, it's Ross and Rachel, they've got too.\nMonica Geller: What if they don't?\nJoey Tribbiani: You think I need a new walk?\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well y'know, I've been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.\nChandler Bing: Are you actually saying these words?\nRoss Geller: What, now you're not even taking to me? Look Rachel, I-I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought I'd lost you, I didn't know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I don't cheat right, I, that's not me, I'm not Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-ho-ho! Yeah, okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey. It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what, y'know what, I'm-I'm not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. You're the one that bailed on us. You're the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!\nRachel Green: That's...\nRoss Geller: That's what?!\nRachel Green: That is neither here nor there.\nRoss Geller: Okay, well here we are. Now we're in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? Look, I, I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And I'm sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.\nRachel Green: No Ross!! Don't! You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better. Okay?\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, okay.\nRachel Green: I think you should go.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I really think you need to go now.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. This morning you said there was nothing so big that we couldn't work past it together...\nRachel Green: Yeah, what the hell did I know!\nRoss Geller: Look, look, there's got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, I can't imagine, I can't imagine my life without you. Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, and, and...\nRachel Green: No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing with her, I can't, it doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed, everything. Forever.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean.\nRachel Green: Then how come it is?\nPhoebe Buffay: They've been quiet for a long time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe she killed him?\nChandler Bing: Let's go.\nChandler Bing: Is that your new walk?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I really have to pee."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Can I see the comics?\nChandler Bing: This is the New York Times.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, may I see the comics?\nMonica Geller: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?\nChandler Bing: We are. He's meeting us here.\nMonica Geller: No! Rachel is meeting us here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you shoulda been there last night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? What happened now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well Ross was hangin' out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler...\nChandler Bing: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.\nJoey Tribbiani: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy...\nJoey Tribbiani: I had the same dream!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I had the opposite dream.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what maybe it's gonna be okay, I mean it's been a week.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I mean it's never taken me a week to get over a relationship.\nMonica Geller: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.\nMonica Geller: Okay, let's go!! Let's hit the road!!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Let's get the show on it!\nRachel Green: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.\nMonica Geller: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.\nRachel Green: Closer than here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! Okay, let's skedaddle.\nRachel Green: Wait, I'm not just gonna drink somebody's old coffee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, your highness.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um, Rachel I'm really sorry. That's okay, do you wanna get back together? Yeah, okay. Did anyone else hear that?!\nRachel Green: Is he here?\nChandler Bing: No.\nRachel Green: Oh. Here's your moisturiser. Hi!\nRachel Green: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. Okay, I said that out loud right?\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes, it's just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.\nRachel Green: Oh, well okay. Well, there you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.\nRachel Green: Hm-mm.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he's really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.\nRachel Green: Ohh!\nMonica Geller: We're sorry honey.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, it's, it's ah, it's not that we don't want to, really. Are we talking models in their underwear?\nRachel Green: And heels.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.\nRachel Green: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, that's only fair.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh boy, do I feel bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.\nMonica Geller: Very bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler what are you doing?!\nMonica Geller: Chandler!!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're smoking again?!\nChandler Bing: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm, I'm smoking still.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.\nMonica Geller: Weren't you nine?!\nChandler Bing: Yeahhh. I'm tellin' ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time...\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great, with my luck, that's gonna be him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Him? Him, Ross?\nChandler Bing: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism.\nRachel Green: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? I'm asking you first, right?!. I mean I'm playing by the rules.\nEveryone: Absolutely, yeah!\nRachel Green: Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: Hey, shut up!! You're not my real Mom!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait. Really?! 'Cause mine get me out of tickets.\nRoss Geller: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. It's been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.\nChandler Bing: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? Two days of darts, it'll be great!\nJoey Tribbiani: It'll be great for next weekend.\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, this weekend guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: It'll be great for next weekend. I mean, it'll be grrreat.\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachel's sister's cabin.\nRoss Geller: So, for the whole weekend?\nMonica Geller: We're really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what, I can stay, I'm gonna stay. 'Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmother's cab, but y'know what, I'll stay.\nMonica Geller: Noo! I'll stay. He's my brother.\nRoss Geller: What a pity stay?\nMonica Geller: No! We're gonna have fun. We can make fudge!\nRoss Geller: Pity food? Y'know what that's okay, all right, I don't need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.\nChandler Bing: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?\nMonica Geller: Why? Do you think he's still mad at us?\nChandler Bing: Well he's probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Mine aren't tinted.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler!!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: What does the sign say?\nChandler Bing: Beam me up Jesus.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, the 'No Smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my Grandmother's cab.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.\nEveryone: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Please!\nMonica Geller: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on, there's a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, now I have to go!!\nChandler Bing: Here we go. Okay, brace yourselves.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Ow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Aren't you gonna go?\nRachel Green: No. Thank you.\nMonica Geller: No, Rachel never pees in public restrooms.\nRachel Green: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is 'no tissue, no tuschy.' Well, if everybody's going.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, y'know what don't close it 'cause the... keys...are in there.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: My lighter's in there!\nChandler Bing: Damn! The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?\nChandler Bing: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.\nMonica Geller: So, if you're parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?\nMonica Geller: Please!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.\nThe Girls: No, not getting my bra!\nJoey Tribbiani: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.\nMonica Geller: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.\nRachel Green: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.\nMonica Geller: All right then, your bra would still be big.\nRachel Green: No, I stuff outside the bra.\nChandler Bing: Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monica's bra.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, forget it, nevermind, you can have mine.\nRachel Green: Chandler, what are you doing? There is a trash can right there.\nChandler Bing: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you Phoebe, that is very, very generous.\nChandler Bing: Okay, now let's decide who has the nicest ass.\nJoey Tribbiani: And there you go!\nEveryone: Oh, yeahhhhh!!!\nMonica Geller: Chandler!!\nChandler Bing: At least let me smoke it to the good part.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh, no!\nRachel Green: What, what's it, what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, this has happened before.\nRachel Green: So you know how to fix it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep. Put more gas in.\nCarol Willick: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nCarol Willick: Hey, what are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?\nCarol Willick: Ah yeah, but now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.\nRoss Geller: Where's Ben?\nCarol Willick: He's sleeping.\nRoss Geller: Ahh. Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?\nCarol Willick: Umm, yeah, actually, Susan's gonna be home any minute, it's kinda an anniversary.\nRoss Geller: Oh! I thought you guys got married in uh, January?\nCarol Willick: It's not that kind of anniversary.\nRoss Geller: Ah! Oh.\nCarol Willick: Sooo!! Anyway...\nRoss Geller: Umm, candles, champagne, yeah anniversaries are great. 'Cause you know love lasts forever, y'know. Nothing like it in this lifetime, money in the bank, so Rachel and I broke up.\nCarol Willick: Oh God, Ross I am so sorry.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well.\nCarol Willick: Y'know what, I want to talk to you about this so much, but we should probably do it when we could really get into it, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, I'd love that.\nCarol Willick: Oh, great! Me too.\nRoss Geller: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah. Triple A can pick us up.\nRachel Green: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, what town are we near?\nMonica Geller: Freemont. West-Westmont, ah Westburg?\nPhoebe Buffay: Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route we're on?\nRachel Green: Yeah, we are definitely on Route 27.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay. There is no Route 27. Okay, either 93 or 76?\nRachel Green: I don't know, I'm sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Hey, can you send somebody up and down 76 and check every rest stop, and, and also 93? Okay! Yeah, no they don't do that.\nRachel Green: Ugh, okay, well somebody will come and save us.\nMonica Geller: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.\nRachel Green: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!\nPhoebe Buffay: But if...\nRachel Green: No you guys, I am not getting in a car with him, you'll have to think of something else.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.\nMonica Geller: So the going for help went well?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.\nChandler Bing: I have the lung capacity of a two year old.\nMonica Geller: Then why are you smoking?\nChandler Bing: Well it's very unsettling.\nRoss Geller: ...right? Right? I mean it's pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I don't, I don't need them, huh, I've got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.\nCarol Willick: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.\nRoss Geller: 717? Where's 717? Hey, you've have more of these for Susan right?\nCarol Willick: No. But it's okay, I'll just put out pickles or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, thank God.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs? What, why are you whispering?\nPhoebe Buffay: I ate a bug.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Let's stock up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we don't know where we are, so we can't get a tow truck.\nRoss Geller: Oh, now you want a favour?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, please.\nRoss Geller: Well, oh, I'm sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but I'm a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?\nCarol Willick: Phoebe, hang on a second. Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.\nRoss Geller: No, I'm not gonna pick them up.\nCarol Willick: Listen, we both know you're gonna do it 'cause you're not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.\nRoss Geller: No, Rachel doesn't want me to...\nCarol Willick: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you 'cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but don't punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you're right.\nCarol Willick: Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. What? You slept with someone else?!\nRoss Geller: We were on a break!!! Okay!! We were, we were..., yeah. Where are you? I'll find you.\nCarol Willick: You slept with another woman?\nRoss Geller: Oh, you-you're-you're one to talk.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, done.\nMonica Geller: What's 'pleh'?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!\nMonica Geller: Huh. What's doofus spelled backwards?\nRachel Green: Op, op, car! Car!! Ugh!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's Ross on one of his drives!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRachel Green: What is he doing here?!\nRoss Geller: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course I'm stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, I've got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.\nEveryone: No! Come on!\nRachel Green: All right!! Fine! Fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Arrrghh!!\nChandler Bing: Oh no, now it's not gonna make any sense!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and we're then gonna go skiing?\nChandler Bing: Oh, this is horrible, it's just horrible.\nJoey Tribbiani: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?\nMonica Geller: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?\nRachel Green: Ask me what?\nMonica Geller: Umm, if ah, it might be okay if Ross came skiing?\nRachel Green: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.\nRoss Geller: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: It's horrible.\nRoss Geller: Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?\nRachel Green: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills.\nMonica Geller: Here we go again.\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I can't handle this, you guys.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I can handle it, handle's my middle name. Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.\nRoss Geller: All right Pheebs, your cab's ready.\nRachel Green: All right, let's go!\nRoss Geller: You're welcome.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?\nRoss Geller: We were on a break!\nRachel Green: Y'know Ross why don't you put that on your answering machine!\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey, it's valid okay? And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: That's what you said last night.\nMonica Geller: What I said was, was that I understood. Joey's the one who agreed with you!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Really Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.\nRachel Green: No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.\nRoss Geller: Obviously not to Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.\nChandler Bing: Guys, guys, guess who I am?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! Look what you're doing to Chandler!! Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? You don't, all right you don't have to love each other, okay? You don't, you don't even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, otherwise, I mean that's, that's, that's just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? Can you be civil?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I can.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Good, all right, let's get back in the car, 'cause it's freezing, and my chest is unsupported.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with who?\nRoss Geller: Look, you guys, you guys should go. No, I'm, you, you planned this all out, and I don't want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.\nRoss Geller: No, no, really, I've got to take the car back anyway, I'm spending all day tomorrow with Ben, It's fine, no guilt I promise.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: All right, we'll call you when we get back.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, or the rodeo!!\nRoss Geller: That would be great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nChandler Bing: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.\nRoss Geller: I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!!!\nCarol Willick: Ugh. Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi! Sorry I'm late. Were you sleeping?\nCarol Willick: Ahh, nooo!!\nRoss Geller: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, 'cause that's not where you want to skimp.\nCarol Willick: You're a genius, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?\nCarol Willick: Okay, I'll pay you tomorrow.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nCarol Willick: Okay, bye!!\nRoss Geller: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?\nCarol Willick: Yeah, okay, bye.\nRoss Geller: So I'm gonna take off then!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: What's so funny?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what's so funny?\nGunther: Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.\nGunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nGunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit.\nChandler Bing: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one.\nChandler Bing: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Nope, that patch is no good.\nRachel Green: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.\nRoss Geller: Pffhah.\nRachel Green: What's your problem?\nRoss Geller: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.\nRachel Green: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.\nRoss Geller: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.\nRachel Green: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.\nChandler Bing: Or what my Father called Thursday night.\nRoss Geller: Here you go.\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this.\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Frank! Hi!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: How are you?\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you doing here?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...\nPhoebe Buffay: What happened?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Your getting married?!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, yeah!\nEveryone: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: My little brother's getting married!!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Do I?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I do, yeah.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fiance man!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, isn't it fantastic?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married?\nPhoebe Buffay: What, he's 18.\nRoss Geller: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.\nChandler Bing: Always illegal Joe.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fiance, Mrs. Knight.\nAlice Knight: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm a big surprise.\nMonica Geller: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.\nAlice Knight: And he was my best student.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, she was my best teacher.\nAlice Knight: Ohhh.\nChandler Bing: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?\nRoss Geller: And so now you guys are gonna be married?\nAlice Knight: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!! Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right?\nAlice Knight: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't.\nAlice Knight: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?\nHypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.\nMonica Geller: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.\nRachel Green: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.\nMonica Geller: Pete, can I get you something else?\nPeter Becker: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out.\nMonica Geller: Haven't you and I covered that topic?\nPeter Becker: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you...\nMonica Geller: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.\nPeter Becker: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you?\nRachel Green: Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.\nMonica Geller: I mean really, think about it.\nPeter Becker: Ho-ho, I will.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Not out loud.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, \"Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,\" remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, \"Nah, let's just hang out at your place.\" Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.\nRachel Green: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.\nMonica Geller: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.\nRachel Green: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker Texas Ranger?\nMonica Geller: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids... All right, I get your point.\nRachel Green: All right.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?\nMonica Geller: Uh, yeah.\nRachel Green: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, pretty good.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Here you go.\nChandler Bing: Thanks\nRachel Green: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.\nChandler Bing: What check thing?\nMonica Geller: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him.\nChandler Bing: Pete Becker. Pete... Is this him?\nMonica Geller: That's Bill Clinton.\nChandler Bing: Who's he huggin'?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete?\nChandler Bing: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!\nRachel Green: We use it!!\nChandler Bing: There you go!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire.\nMonica Geller: I'm not gonna go out with him.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.\nMonica Geller: Or incredibly offensive.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, sure, that too.\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What, you don't think I know that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had sex with yet!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay, but isn't sex better when it's with one person that you really, really care about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, in a poem maybe.\nRoss Geller: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You don't have it anymore?\nRoss Geller: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?\nRoss Geller: It didn't.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, wh-what, what is that like?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why can't I find that?\nRoss Geller: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I want it!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: You can have it!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no! No!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then you hold on to it!!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: All right, man!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're Frank's best man?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then, what about you?! Huh?!\nRoss Geller: I'm the ring bearer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency.\nAlice Knight: Oh my God, who died on this?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?\nAlice Knight: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to...\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined.\nAlice Knight: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.\nPeter Becker: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.\nEveryone: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.\nSecretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.\nPeter Becker: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. Hi.\nMonica Geller: What the hell is this?\nPeter Becker: Hang on a second. I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. I'm sorry what?\nMonica Geller: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?\nPeter Becker: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip.\nMonica Geller: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?\nEmployee: Umm, I'm still here.\nPeter Becker: You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPeter Becker: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights.\nMonica Geller: Okay, umm, you're a loon.\nPeter Becker: Look, forget the check, okay. I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say?\nMonica Geller: I don't know.\nPeter Becker: Why not?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.\nPeter Becker: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi. Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive.\nPhoebe Buffay: What umm, what happened?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, sweetie, oh.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, but.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go...\nRachel Green: Oh my God! The millionaire's here!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.\nMonica Geller: I know!!\nChandler Bing: Okay, then get the lobster!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPeter Becker: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?\nMonica Geller: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. Bye.\nEveryone: Oh-no-no-no-no...\nRachel Green: Just one drink?!\nMonica Geller: So, where do you want to go?\nPeter Becker: Hey, you like pizza?\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's sounds great.\nPeter Becker: I know a great little place.\nPeter Becker: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza!\nMonica Geller: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?\nPeter Becker: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that.\nMonica Geller: Why, how much is that?\nPeter Becker: That's about 60 cents.\nJoey Tribbiani: Every night!!\nHypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can.\nAlice Knight: Hi Frank.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi, Mrs. Knight.\nAlice Knight: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. Is that it, is that what it is?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but not just that.\nAlice Knight: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less...\nPhoebe Buffay: None the less.\nAlice Knight: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right, exactly. All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. Bye-bye. Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? Okay, all right, good. .\nHypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants."}
{"text": "Gunther: Here you go.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nGunther: Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe you'd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.\nMark Robinson: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! All right, let's go shoppin'!!\nMark Robinson: Um, y'know, before we go ah, there's something I need to say.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay.\nMark Robinson: I've kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. But since you were with Ross, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.\nRachel Green: Wow! Umm...\nGunther: I dropped a cup.\nPeter Becker: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, 'Wash my car.' 'Clean my room.' It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand what you're saying.\nMonica Geller: Oh, this is so great.\nPeter Becker: Yeah, it was.\nMonica Geller: All right then. Bye.\nMonica Geller: Hello, people who do not live here.\nEveryone: Hi! Hello!\nMonica Geller: I gave you a key for emergencies!\nPhoebe Buffay: We were out of Doritos.\nRoss Geller: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?\nChandler Bing: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.\nMonica Geller: He's great! I mean we have such a good time together! He's so funny, and sooo sweet, and I'm not attracted to him at all!!\nRoss Geller: Still?!\nMonica Geller: Noo!! It's driving me crazy. I mean every other way he's like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything.\nChandler Bing: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?\nMonica Geller: Two.\nChandler Bing: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie!\nRoss Geller: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.\nThe Director: Joe. How's it going?\nJoey Tribbiani: Good. Hey.\nKate Miller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh?\nKate Miller: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. I'm Joey Tribianni.\nKate Miller: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.\nJoey Tribbiani: So the ah, play's pretty great, huh?\nKate Miller: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murray's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!\nKate Miller: Where do I know you from?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.\nKate Miller: No, that's not it. So, you're a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor.\nKate Miller: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're-you're-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!!\nJoey Tribbiani: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.\nKate Miller: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that was real.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.\nRachel Green: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: What, so what are you gonna tell him?\nRachel Green: Well, I told him I would think about it, but I'm gonna tell him no.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh.\nRachel Green: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now. Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.\nRachel Green: I don't have any issues with my Father.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing then.\nJoey Tribbiani: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I can't do it, they're all like-like laughing at me.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nRoss Geller: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, what-what do you think she wants?\nRoss Geller: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me... a-sucks.\nChandler Bing: It's possible. You are very loveable, I'd miss you if I broke up with you. I was just trying to be supportive.\nRoss Geller: Then be supportive like a guy.\nChandler Bing: If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: You ah, wanted to see me?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Ahh, here's a box of your stuff.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know, it's just like hats, and a shirt, and CD's, just sort of stuff that you've left here.\nRoss Geller: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something?\nRachel Green: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know it's time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean don't' you think?\nRoss Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Yes, I do.\nRachel Green: Good.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I-I really do. Hey! This-this was a gift?!\nRachel Green: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.\nRoss Geller: It's still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!\nRachel Green: Okay, all right, give me the mug! I'll keep the mug.\nRoss Geller: No!! Y'know-y'know don't do me any favours. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do.\nRachel Green: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt!\nRoss Geller: I'm just trying to help you, move on.\nRachel Green: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty...\nRoss Geller: Petty...\nRachel Green: Petty...\nRoss Geller: Petty...\nRachel Green: Petty...\nRoss Geller: Petty...\nRachel Green: Small...\nRoss Geller: Small...\nRachel Green: You are so just doing this out of spite.\nRoss Geller: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!!\nRachel Green: Huh?\nRoss Geller: I'm-I'm gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!!\nRachel Green: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesn't even fit you anymore!\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...\nRachel Green: yeah-yeah-yeah!!\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, okay, okay! If you don't mind I'm gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. You have a pleasant evening.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, you're like a zillionaire?\nChandler Bing: And you're our age. You're our age.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.\nPeter Becker: What like Pete Dakota?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.\nChandler Bing: That's not a state Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?\nPeter Becker: I got to go, so ah, I'll see you guys later.\nEveryone: Okay.\nChandler Bing: You're our age!\nPeter Becker: So ah, we on for tomorrow?\nMonica Geller: Absolutely! Now get out of here you!! Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young, and then there's Pete who's-who's crazy about me, and who's absolutely perfect for me, and there's like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like something's wrong with me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, kinda.\nKate Miller: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and nothin'. You look at me, and it's nothin'. Nothing.\nThe Director: Tasty! I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history, it's-it's nice.\nKate Miller: I have a question about this scene.\nThe Director: Yes?\nKate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.\nThe Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good looking.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nKate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, it's says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that you're a bitch.\nKate Miller: It doesn't say that in the script.\nJoey Tribbiani: It does in mine!\nChandler Bing: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter, I still wind up with this little cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you?\nRoss Geller: You bug me.\nChandler Bing: Is there any chance you didn't see that?\nChandler Bing: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You can't just stare through the peep hole for three hours! You're gonna get peep eye!\nRoss Geller: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, she'd say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!\nChandler Bing: You didn't just break up.\nRoss Geller: Hey, it's been like three weeks!\nChandler Bing: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!\nRoss Geller: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't, I can't watch this. Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, she's going in.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: She's going in. Wait! He's going in! He's going in!! The door's closed! I, I can't see anything but the door closed!!\nChandler Bing: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it!\nChandler Bing: Stop what?!\nRoss Geller: I don't know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. I'll go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!\nChandler Bing: No!! You can't!!\nRoss Geller: Look, they must be stopped!\nChandler Bing: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! You are surprisingly strong!\nRoss Geller: I need juice! People need juice!!\nChandler Bing: Look man!\nRoss Geller: People need juice!\nChandler Bing: Listen to me!!\nRoss Geller: Juice, I need...\nChandler Bing: She's moving on! Okay, if it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? It's over.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: It's just I miss her so much.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMark Robinson: Why do all you're coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?\nRachel Green: Oh. That's so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?!'\nRachel Green: Y'know what?\nMark Robinson: No. And I don't think I'm gonna want to.\nRachel Green: I can't do this.\nMark Robinson: Yep. Yep, that's what I didn't want to know.\nRachel Green: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.\nMark Robinson: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!\nRachel Green: Oh God. I'm sorry about this.\nMark Robinson: That's okay.\nRachel Green: You sure?\nMark Robinson: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.\nSpokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...\nPeter Becker: Hey, can I ask you something?\nMonica Geller: Sure.\nPeter Becker: Where are we?\nMonica Geller: Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo.\nPeter Becker: Just tell me the truth.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Umm, y'know, I don't think, I don't think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.\nPeter Becker: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that like a year ago?\nMonica Geller: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isn't the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now I'm just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?\nPeter Becker: Oh, yeah. I know that.\nMonica Geller: I so wanna be attracted to you.\nPeter Becker: But you're not. Okay, good.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry.\nPeter Becker: Y'know what, don't be. This is not, don't be, 'cause it's not so bad.\nMonica Geller: It's not?\nPeter Becker: I know I'm no John Bon Jovi, or someone who find attractive, I'm just, I think, y'know, that you might end up feeling differently.\nMonica Geller: Well, um, look I-I don't want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted too.\nPeter Becker: Yeah, stupidly charming isn't' it? Well listen let's, you wanna get something to eat? 'Cause this place is kinda depressing.\nSpokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.\nPeter Becker: One second.\nChandler Bing: I don't think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. Draw!!\nChandler Bing: I wasn't doing anything. Uh-oh, what did she do now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!\nChandler Bing: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.\nJoey Tribbiani: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, 'Oh, I'm so talented.' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Ooh, I smell so good.'\nChandler Bing: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?\nChandler Bing: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Ohh. Ohh, you're out of your mind.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!\nKate Miller: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and it's nothin'. You look at me, and nothin'. Nothing.\nThe Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, we're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.\nKate Miller: Well, that was ah...\nJoey Tribbiani: Better?\nKate Miller: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. G'night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, Kate?\nKate Miller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: You ah, you forgot your shoes.\nKate Miller: I'm probably gonna need those. Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, listen you ah...\nKate Miller: Hmm?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?\nKate Miller: Umm.\nThe Director: Kate?\nKate Miller: Yep.\nThe Director: You ready to go?\nKate Miller: Yeah.\nThe Director: Very nice. Very nice.\nKate Miller: So umm, I'll see you tomorrow, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman...\nChandler Bing: 'Cause it's-it's not his last name.\nPhoebe Buffay: It isn't?\nChandler Bing: No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, how was work?\nRachel Green: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair.\nMonica Geller: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and...\nMonica Geller: Something wrong?\nRachel Green: No. Nothing.\nChandler Bing: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.\nChandler Bing: What about things that are already gold?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahh, his work is done.\nChandler Bing: Okay, let's play my game now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait. You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Oh my God! Is this what it's like to be you?\nMonica Geller: Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when we're on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and it's like somebody's ripping out my heart!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.\nMonica Geller: Yes!! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!\nRoss Geller: We were all pretty shaken up about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, am I missing something though? 'Cause I thought death was something that's supposed to be sad, in a way.\nRoss Geller: Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person.\nMonica Geller: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! And I'm sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?\nRoss Geller: You get the dollhouse.\nMonica Geller: I get the dollhouse!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, just a barrel.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! Really?!\nMonica Geller: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.\nChandler Bing: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.\nRachel Green: Hey, Sophie!\nSophie: Hey, Rach!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nSophie: Hey.\nRachel Green: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up here.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's-that's okay, no problem.\nRachel Green: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don't keep the women's lingerie here in the office?\nChandler Bing: Yes, I realise that.\nRachel Green: Summer catalogue!\nChandler Bing: That's the stuff!\nJoanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. Hello! You don't work for me.\nRachel Green: Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing Joanna.\nJoanna: Bing! That's a great name.\nChandler Bing: Thanks, it's ah, Gaelic, for 'Thy turkey's done.' So ah, I'm gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.\nJoanna: Me too.\nRachel Green: Bye, Chandler.\nJoanna: So ah, what's wrong with him?\nRachel Green: Oh, nothing, he's just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore.\nJoanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?\nRachel Green: No!! No! He's not married, or involved, with anyone!\nJoanna: Oh, Rachel, actually, y'know what, forget it.\nRachel Green: Well, I'll ask him for you, if you want me too?\nJoanna: Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something that Sophie would do?\nSophie: Uh, uh, uh, I am here.\nJoanna: I know that.\nMonica Geller: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpaper's a little faded, that's okay. Carpet's a little loose. Hardwood floors!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It's so beautiful.\nMonica Geller: I know!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I'm here, ready to play.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha.\nMonica Geller: What's this?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a dog, every house should have a dog.\nMonica Geller: Not one that can pee on the roof.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.\nChandler Bing: And is this in case the house sneezes?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, that's the ghost for the attic.\nMonica Geller: I don't want a ghost.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, obviously you don't know much about the U.S. government.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nEveryone: Hello.\nRachel Green: I need to talk to you!\nRoss Geller: Sure, what's up?\nRachel Green: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.\nRoss Geller: I-I know. Well if something comes up...\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.\nRachel Green: Okay, my boss, Joanna, when you left, she started asking questions about you...\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan man!\nRachel Green: That was surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do it.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, she's gonna love me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the house!! Ahh-ahh! Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!\nMonica Geller: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that's it, that's it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian, and they just don't go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, fine. Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination.\nRoss Geller: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they don't go, rrroof!\nPhoebe Buffay: The little ones do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Kate!\nKate Miller: Morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week...\nThe Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah...\nWoman: Hi, oh, I'm Lauren, Kate's understudy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.\nLauren: I know! I-I'm a big fan of yours.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nLauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out of here, really?!\nLauren: Absolutely!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nLauren: Oh but then, they went and dropped you down that elevator shaft.\nJoey Tribbiani: They gave me the shaft all right.\nLauren: Oh, you're so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well Ahh, yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.\nLauren: Cool! I-I'll see you then.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nThe Director: All right, it's time to act, my talking props.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!\nRachel Green: Wow!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, look!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what's this?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, it's the slide instead of stairs. Watch this.\nMonica Geller: It's very interesting, Phoebe.\nRachel Green: What's this?\nPhoebe Buffay: The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.\nRoss Geller: This is the coolest house ever!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, does anybody want to join me in the aroma room?\nRachel Green: All right!\nRoss Geller: I would!\nMonica Geller: Hey, guys, guys, did you see my new, china cabinet?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Watch, watch.\nPhoebe Buffay: And, and!\nChandler Bing: Hey, my Father's house does that!\nRachel Green: O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.\nChandler Bing: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and there's nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.\nRachel Green: Hmm.\nChandler Bing: Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull dud!\nJoanna: Chandler is fantastic!!\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoanna: Oh God, we just clicked! Y'know how people just click? Like he came by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you?\nRachel Green: Oh, I...\nJoanna: Oh, and he's got such a good heart! Doesn't he have a good heart?\nRachel Green: Oh, I know...\nJoanna: Oh, I know and he's soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.\nSophie: Isn't this great?!\nJoanna: Don't spoil it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?\nThe Director: Hello. Oh! It's you. Just ah, just one-one sec. I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment!\nJoey Tribbiani: That guy's like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?\nKate Miller: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater! It's what's underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who I'm going out with?\nKate Miller: I don't care. Why, do you want me to care?\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you want me to want you to care?\nKate Miller: Do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nThe Director: Okay, I'm afraid to say this, but let's pick it up where we left off.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?\nKate Miller: I've got no reason to stay.\nThe Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! I'll see you in the morning.\nKate Miller: I can't believe we go on in, in a week.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's gonna be all right.\nLauren: Hey! So since we're getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nLauren: You know! At the place I told you about last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.\nLauren: Oh, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nLauren: I'll see you tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nLauren: G'night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, are you okay?\nKate Miller: Yeah, I guess. Look, what are we gonna do about this scene, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nKate Miller: Well umm, maybe if it had more heat.\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you mean?\nKate Miller: Well, Adrian's looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor can't just kiss her, he's gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe he could slip her the tongue.\nKate Miller: Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist.\nKate Miller: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach!\nJoey Tribbiani: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!\nKate Miller: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal...\nJoey Tribbiani: Something like that?\nKate Miller: Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: It's a little early to be drinkin'.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, things ah, finally happened with Kate.\nRoss Geller: Ohhhhh!\nMonica Geller: You're kidding?! That's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it was so amazing. After the love making...\nMonica Geller: Oh my.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep. I just, I just watched her sleep for like hours, just breathing in and breathing out. And then I knew she was dreaming 'cause, 'cause her eyes keep going like this.\nChandler Bing: I'm telling ya, Joanna's got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, 'This was fun. Let's do it again sometime. I'll give you a call.'\nRachel Green: Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks you're going to call her?\nChandler Bing: That's what you say at the end of a date.\nRachel Green: You can't just say, 'Nice to meet you, good night?'\nChandler Bing: To her face? Look it's the end of the date, I'm standing there, I know all she's waiting for is for me to say 'I'll call her' and it's just y'know, comes out. I can't help it, it's a compulsion.\nMonica Geller: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?\nRachel Green: Well, they always called.\nMonica Geller: Hmm, bite me.\nJoanna: Did he call?\nRachel Green: No. Sorry.\nJoanna: Why?! Why?! He said he'd call. Why hasn't he called?\nSophie: Maybe he's intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.\nJoanna: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why?\nRachel Green: Okay, okay. Umm, well ah, maybe he, maybe he feels awkward because you are my boss.\nJoanna: Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?\nRachel Green: Well...\nJoanna: The only person that should feel awkward is you, and you didn't tell him not to call me, did you?\nRachel Green: No. I...\nJoanna: Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you work for, there are always ways to fix...that.\nRachel Green: Call her! Call her now!\nChandler Bing: Multiple, so many paper cuts.\nRachel Green: Why hasn't he called Rachel? Why? Why? I don't understand. Why? He said he'll call. Why? Why? Chandler I'm telling you she has flipped out, she's gone crazy!\nChandler Bing: Oh, well give me the phone then.\nRachel Green: Come on, this isn't funny. She thinks it's my fault that you haven't called her. You have to call her!\nChandler Bing: Look, you can't call somebody after this long just to say, 'In case you didn't notice, I don't like you!'\nRachel Green: Well then you're going to have to take her out again.\nChandler Bing: Nooo!! She's really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!\nRachel Green: I don't care! I don't care! You are going to have to take her out again and end it, and end it in way that she knows it's actually ended. And, I don't care how hard it is for you, do not tell her that you will call her again!\nChandler Bing: All right! Fine! But it's just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I don't want you setting me up with anybody ever again!\nRachel Green: That's fine!\nChandler Bing: That's just a lot of big talk, y'know.\nRachel Green: I know.\nRoss Geller: Mon?\nMonica Geller: I'm in the shower!\nRoss Geller: Oh, fire! There, there's a fire! Fire!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nKate Miller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you ah, did you talk to Marshall?\nKate Miller: About what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, about what happened with us.\nKate Miller: Nooo. And there's really no reason he should find out, so ah let's not make a big deal about it, okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you can't tell me last night didn't mean something to you. I-I was there, you're not that good an actress.\nKate Miller: Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. That's all it was. Joey, I'm-I'm sorry you feel bad, but haven't you ever sleep with a women where it meant more to her than it did to you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo.\nLauren: Hi, Kate!\nKate Miller: Hi, Lauren.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, Lauren.\nLauren: Hi, pig!\nRoss Geller: Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's okay. By the way, I was just checking the shower massager.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: I tried to reach you at work. There's...been a fire.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Oh my... Oh my God!! What happened?!\nRoss Geller: Well, we believe it originated here. In the Aroma Room.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Did everyone get out okay?\nMonica Geller: Well, the giraffe's okay. And so is the pirate.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. What is this?\nRoss Geller: No Phoebe, don't look! You don't want to see what's under there!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, the-the Foster puppets!\nChandler Bing: It's not a big deal. It's, just it's right here, and it's all the time.\nJoanna: Well, thanks again for lunch.\nChandler Bing: Yes, this, this was pleasant.\nJoanna: It was, wasn't it?\nChandler Bing: The food there was, was great.\nJoanna: Wasn't it?\nChandler Bing: So take care.\nJoanna: You too.\nChandler Bing: Well, this was great. I'll give you a call. We should do it again sometime.\nJoanna: Great! I'm looking forward to it. Rachel, any messages?\nRachel Green: Sophie's desk.\nRachel Green: Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!\nChandler Bing: Noo!\nRachel Green: Chandler!!\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm weak, and pathetic, and sorry.\nRachel Green: Okay, you are going to tell her and you're going to tell her now.\nChandler Bing: Ahhhh-I'm not going to call you.\nJoanna: What?\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that I said I was going to when I'm not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, mascara goop. And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not, this isn't going to work out.\nJoanna: Well, this isn't how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, o-okay.\nJoanna: So...\nChandler Bing: Well this is great! I'll give you a call! We should do it again sometime!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, so anyway Beth, what I'm saying is I should've considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. I've ah, I've recently learned what's it like to be on your side of it, and I'm sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. Hello, Jennifer? Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? Oh, she's not home huh? Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: So who's idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?\nMonica Geller: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, they took my idea!\nMonica Geller: That was you?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay, here you go.\nGunther: Rachel, I made you a cocoa.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, are you guys okay?\nGunther: Are you all right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me. Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincy's theory. Okay?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna be on TV!!\nChandler Bing: No way!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's gonna film it!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! Who's gonna watch that?!\nRoss Geller: Thanks. You ready to go?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Saw a girl with that vest.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nAnchorwoman: While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys won't live to see the fourth of July. Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? 'Cause I was watching this ah, commercial on TV and man, those guys are cute!\nPeter Becker: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi! Hey, Pete you're back! Hey, check this out.\nPeter Becker: Wow! Skates!\nMonica Geller: Wow! You're a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was you're trip?\nPeter Becker: Well...\nMonica Geller: Oh, what'd ya bring me?! Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?\nPeter Becker: Yeah, sure, that'd be great.\nMonica Geller: Regular or decaf?\nPeter Becker: Ah, which ever is closest.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPeter Becker: So ask me what I did today.\nMonica Geller: So what did you do today Pete?\nPeter Becker: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef.\nMonica Geller: What?! Oh.\nMonica Geller: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?\nRachel Green: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass?\nMonica Geller: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me.\nRachel Green: And you're still not attracted to him at all?\nMonica Geller: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from him? I-I-I-I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.\nRachel Green: Yeah, but Mon that's totally different. He was you're health teacher.\nMonica Geller: Oh, please.\nMonica Geller: What? Honey.\nRachel Green: Oh, I am, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday.\nMonica Geller: Oh God, I'm so sorry.\nRachel Green: I know.\nRachel Green: Ow!!\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys! Guess what?\nRachel Green: Got a job on a river boat?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore so...\nRachel Green: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point.\nRoss Geller: Right.\nRachel Green: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like.\nRoss Geller: You like it right?\nMonica Geller: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. Ross! Ross! I'm kidding!\nRachel Green: Yeah, come here!\nMonica Geller: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, good bye!\nChandler Bing: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, oh, about three months.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so I guess that's about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I got you something! Open it! Open it!\nChandler Bing: Okay. It's a chicken.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's cute, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?\nChandler Bing: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lot's and lot's of love.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well no problem there.\nChandler Bing: Easy Lenny.\nPeter Becker: So? I mean have you thought about it?\nMonica Geller: Okay. Here's the thing.\nPeter Becker: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. What's the thing?\nMonica Geller: I can't do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but umm, see you have these feelings for me...\nPeter Becker: Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's-that's what you're worried about? If that's the problem, we've got no problem.\nMonica Geller: Huh?\nPeter Becker: No! Look, I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else. On my trip.\nMonica Geller: Oh?\nPeter Becker: Her name's Ann, she's a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's great! I mean I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you. And now I can work for you!\nPeter Becker: I guess you can.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Oh, this is incredible! Ohh! All right, y'know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and-and quit!\nPeter Becker: All right.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Can you give me a little push?\nPeter Becker: Yeah, sure. Good luck!\nMonica Geller: I'm quitting!! Woo-hoo! I'm okay!! I'm all right!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! That's exciting, you went to Japan, made up a woman.\nPeter Becker: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just saying, this woman, I mean she's fictitious. No?\nPeter Becker: Why would you say that?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause you're still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so 'cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...\nPeter Becker: You're good. You're good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, I'm fairly intuitive and psychic. It's a substantial gift.\nPeter Becker: Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her though?\nPhoebe Buffay: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what?\nPeter Becker: Thanks a lot.\nPhoebe Buffay: No I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but this is the last time. With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-chickeeeen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: How's she doing?\nChandler Bing: She?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well yeah, don't-don't you think it's a she?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. I can't tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, anyway, I got to go change, I'm ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.\nChandler Bing: Excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?\nChandler Bing: You don't think I get up when you get up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhh, here it comes.\nChandler Bing: Yes, here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I don't think so mister!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!\nChandler Bing: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...\nChandler Bing: I know what you meant!! You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used too?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.\nChandler Bing: I'll take her back tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you think we'll get our three bucks back?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? This blue suit, or this brown one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Oww!\nRoss Geller: Wow! That aspirin dance really works!\nRachel Green: Oww!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, is that still...\nRachel Green: I'm fine, I'm fine.\nRoss Geller: No you're not.\nRachel Green: Yes I am!\nRoss Geller: Rach!\nRachel Green: Look, I'm fine. Watch. Look at that. Whoa-whoa!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. Look, you have got to go to a doctor! Okay?\nRachel Green: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. It's a very big deal, there's a lot of people there I have to meet.\nRoss Geller: And I'm sure you're gonna make a big impression. Hi! I'm Rachel Green. It's nice to meet you. Come on, you probably have a broken rib!\nRachel Green: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, it'll still be broken then.\nRoss Geller: Rach...\nRachel Green: But y'know, I could use a hand getting ready.\nRoss Geller: Rachel...\nRachel Green: Look, either help me or go.\nRoss Geller: Fine. I'll go.\nRachel Green: Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?\nRoss Geller: Sure. I'll help you.\nChandler Bing: Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!\nRachel Green: Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too?\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nRachel Green: Okay. Let's use this brush.\nRoss Geller: Okay. This stuff?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: All right.\nRachel Green: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.\nRoss Geller: Oke-dokey.\nRachel Green: Oh-ho!\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nRachel Green: Hey! That's just poking me in the eye!\nRoss Geller: Sorry, I'm sorry. Close, close, close...\nRachel Green: Okay, just sweep it.\nRoss Geller: I'm sweeping...\nRachel Green: Right.\nRoss Geller: Sweep, sweep...\nRachel Green: Okay, now make it even, 'cause we don't...\nRoss Geller: What? What?\nRachel Green: We don't want it-it to be too much, we want it to be subtle.\nRoss Geller: No. No, y'know you don't, you don't wear enough of this. What?\nRachel Green: Since when, since when do you think I don't wear enough of this?\nRoss Geller: Well I, close your eyes, I just think you're gonna like this a little better, 'cause, close-close...\nRachel Green: Blow it.\nRoss Geller: Sorry. 'Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.\nRachel Green: Sophisticated like a hooker?\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, guess what I'm doing tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I have to tell you something.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: But I can't tell you.\nMonica Geller: Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to like all my gods.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Does it have to do with Joey?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but let's come back to that later!\nRoss Geller: There you go! Good enough for your party, huh?\nRachel Green: Sure.\nRoss Geller: Yep?\nRachel Green: Sure, I'll just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.\nRoss Geller: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?\nRachel Green: Oh wait, Ross, would you just stay and help me get dressed?\nRoss Geller: Sure, okay.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I don't want you to see me naked!\nRoss Geller: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but that was different. Y'know? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think it's weird.\nRoss Geller: Rach, y'know I can see you naked any time I want.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woo-hoo!!\nRachel Green: Ross! Stop that!\nRoss Geller: Ah, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that any more!\nRoss Geller: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. It's one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. Oop, oh yeah!\nRachel Green: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it will never happen... Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and I'm the king.\nRachel Green: Rosss...\nRoss Geller: Come on, would you grow up? It's no big deal.\nRachel Green: All right. Fine.\nRoss Geller: Yowzah!!!\nRachel Green: O-kay!! See what you did, I'm gonna be doing it by myself now. Okay?\nRoss Geller: Aww, come on.\nRachel Green: That's it. Ow!!!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Oh-ow!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nRachel Green: Ow!\nRoss Geller: Look...\nRachel Green: Ow!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Ow!\nRoss Geller: Rach?\nRachel Green: Ow! Ow!\nRoss Geller: Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital. Okay?\nRachel Green: Okay, I do.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: I really do.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm gonna get your coat and then I'll-I'll put you in a cab.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, you're not gonna come with me?\nRoss Geller: Of course I am. I just have to make a call.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay?\nRachel Green: Thank you. Oww!!!! God!\nRoss Geller: What?! I wh-, what's wrong?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, I just can't go to the hospital lookin' like this.\nMonica Geller: Does it involve travel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Noo!\nMonica Geller: Does it involve clogs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, wait. Clogs, or claws?\nMonica Geller: Clogs.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Claws?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nMonica Geller: What is it?! What about Pete?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't!!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I gotta go.\nPhoebe Buffay: I, but you're so close! No!\nMonica Geller: Okay, does it involve something to do with Pete's computer company?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, just go. You're never gonna get it!\nChandler Bing: I know. See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth, she's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhh. Ahh! What are you doing?! I thought you were gonna take her back to the store today.\nChandler Bing: I did! But the store wouldn't take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out?\nChandler Bing: If they can't find a home for her, they kill her! And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, good, good, good, 'cause, good, 'cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.\nChandler Bing: Okay. And it's not just chicks y'know? It's all kinds of other animals!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.\nChandler Bing: Thanks, I'm glad you see it that way.\nChandler Bing: Ohhh-hoo, funny story!\nMonica Geller: I don't believe this! Wow, look at this refrigerator! It's gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! I'd be cold, but I'm always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners.\nPeter Becker: So you like it?\nMonica Geller: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much.\nPeter Becker: Oh, you're welcome.\nMonica Geller: Did you just smell my hair?\nPeter Becker: Nooo. Uh-huh, no way. What? No.\nMonica Geller: Oh God.\nPeter Becker: What?\nMonica Geller: You still have feelings for me don't you?\nPeter Becker: Now, nooo! I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all.\nMonica Geller: Pete.\nPeter Becker: Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?\nMonica Geller: No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's-it's really nice.\nPeter Becker: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And I'm okay with that.\nMonica Geller: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. That's why I can't take this job.\nPeter Becker: What?\nMonica Geller: And well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry.\nPeter Becker: Okay, yeah. I mean... If that's, if that's really what you want, okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay, bye.\nPeter Becker: I'm sorry things didn't work out...\nMonica Geller: All right shut up for a second and let me just see something. Oh, wow!\nRachel Green: Okay, you'd tell me the truth. Right?\nRoss Geller: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!\nRoss Geller: That's a duck.\nChandler Bing: That's a bad duck!!! How'd the thing go tonight, Ross?\nRoss Geller: Oh, it was, nah, well...\nRachel Green: What thing? What thing?\nRoss Geller: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. Easy.\nChandler Bing: Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy!\nRachel Green: What thing? What is this thing?\nRoss Geller: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Ross, why didn't you tell me that?\nRoss Geller: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe you.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: That is the sweetest thing, I just...\nRoss Geller: You should get some sleep.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: So, I'll umm...\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry I spoiled you're evening.\nRoss Geller: No, that's, no, as long as you're okay. So I'll ah, I'll see you tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Um-hmm, yeah.\nRachel Green: See ya.\nChandler Bing: What did you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: What 'cha doing?\nChandler Bing: Having a swim.\nJoey Tribbiani: What about the chick?\nChandler Bing: Chicks don't swim.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you sure?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Should we try it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nChandler Bing: See, I told you they don't swim.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait. Give him a minute.\nChandler Bing: Noo! Oh, it's okay, it's okay, baby, baby, baby."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he's at Flimby's.\nRachel Green: What's Flimby's?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't remember the real thing.\nRachel Green: Okay. Hang up! That's it! Come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Rachel, that's what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don't get through, they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It's us versus them!\nChandler Bing: Ye-e-es!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?\nMonica Geller: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!\nJoey Tribbiani: Two it is. Ross, how about you?\nRoss Geller: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.\nMonica Geller: Really? Who's number two?\nChandler Bing: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.\nRoss Geller: Uh, no, it's-it's just this person.\nPhoebe Buffay: Like a date type person?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?\nRachel Green: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: But you said one.\nRachel Green: I meant, me plus one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?\nRoss Geller: All right, I'll see you tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay, bye-bye!\nChandler Bing: Bye!\nMonica Geller: Bye-bye!\nRachel Green: Okay, I need a date!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!\nEveryone: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.\nMonica Geller: Joey, what are you doing?! It's never gonna happen, she's seeing somebody.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.\nJoey Tribbiani: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.\nMonica Geller: Here you go. You can wear this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks!\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Ooh, I'm setting the phone down. But I'm still here! Just don't go anywhere I'm still here. Don't-don't switch or anything, 'cause I'm, I'm right here. Just one sec. One sec! One second!! Wait! One second! Just...\nMonica Geller: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Monica, I'm scared!!\nMonica Geller: All right. Honey, that's-that's a sleeve. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: And! We also have speaker phone.\nHold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.\nMonica Geller: Okay, wait, you gotta hang up 'cause we're gonna be late.\nHold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!! Yes!! I'm the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?\nMonica Geller: Of course not.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nChandler Bing: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: How are you?\nRoss Geller: Good.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: So it's looks like we're the first ones here.\nRachel Green: Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!\nRoss Geller: Yay!!\nRachel Green: Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.\nTommy: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Cailin.\nRoss Geller: And! Break!!\nRachel Green: Okay, uhh, I think I'm going to run to the ladies room.\nTommy: Okay.\nCailin: I'll join you.\nTommy: I'll get our seats.\nRoss Geller: Okay. So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is awkward.\nTommy: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.\nTommy: Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh...\nTommy: I think we're here.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Yeah.\nTommy: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Uh, huh. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.\nMan: Umm, no, I don't think so.\nTommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?\nMan: Sure.\nRoss Geller: Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh...\nMan: Oh, well I thought that ah...\nTommy: Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didn't really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look you're surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!\nMan: Uh, the usher told us to come...\nTommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! Here! Hey man, you want the aisle?\nRoss Geller: No, I'm good.\nChandler Bing: There he is!\nMonica Geller: There's our star!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, so, what'd ya think?\nChandler Bing: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I wasn't in that.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nThe Director: Excuse me. Excuse me. Sweetheart! Come!\nChandler Bing: So that's the girl you like.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think he's baaad news!\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nLauren: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey. Gosh, you look soo familiar.\nLauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.\nCailin: So. How'd you guys meet?\nPeter Becker: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.\nEstelle Leonard: Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.\nEstelle Leonard: How do you do. Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! Did they have representation?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, they-they weren't in the play.\nRachel Green: We're not actors.\nEstelle Leonard: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face and her chest I could really put something together.\nChandler Bing: Could I borrow it?\nCailin: Hi! Remember me?\nRoss Geller: Hi! Yeah! Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think he's gonna snap.\nCailin: Ross, I'm gonna go.\nRoss Geller: Go? Why?\nCailin: I don't know. Could be because I don't feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.\nRoss Geller: But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.\nCailin: Good bye Ross.\nRoss Geller: Uh, oh-ho bye.\nThe Director: Here we go people! Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la... Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!!! Ha-ha-ha!\nThe Director: Kate Miller's awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is... Thank you, boys and girls, you've ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mother's crab cakes! Excuse me!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Anyone mind if I save this?\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, is the play over?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Where were you?\nHold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.\nMonica Geller: You were the next caller five hours ago. You must be going crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nah. I kept myself busy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, yeah. I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Are you okay?\nKate Miller: Fabulous.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, drama critics they're nothing but, but people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?\nKate Miller: Become a drama critic!\nThe Director: I am hurt! A plague on both your houses!\nKate Miller: By the way, he dumped me tonight after he read my review.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, classy.\nKate Miller: Yep! I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Y'know I gave up a part on a soap for this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Yeah I ah, I gave up a job too.\nKate Miller: Really. What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. We'll stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.\nKate Miller: Why the Post?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you didn't see the Post?\nKate Miller: No. You?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Why?\nKate Miller: So you really think those newspapers are just jealous of me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, absolutely! You're talented and you're good looking.\nKate Miller: Oh, you're sweet and cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! That's why they trashed me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa. Wait a minute, wait a minute.\nKate Miller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I, I don't get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.\nKate Miller: What? So you never went out with an actress before?\nJoey Tribbiani: Kate, do you even like me?\nKate Miller: Of course I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?\nKate Miller: I don't know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy... Why can't I just pick someone like you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nKate Miller: You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, you're just so, you're so, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay, okay, hey. There we go, let's get your feet up there. Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. I'm gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.\nHold Voice: Please stay on the line. You're call is very important to us.\nMonica Geller: Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours! Go to sleep, honey. Th-this isn't healthy.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, I'm fine, and y'know why? 'Cause of all the riboflavin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Didn't you have that outfit on last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I stayed at Kate's, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see you're play. I swear you're play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. You're play is the next play is the next play I'm gonna see.\nMonica Geller: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now we're like totally crazy about each other!\nMonica Geller: Joey, you had the night!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nMonica Geller: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!\nJoey Tribbiani: You-you think?\nMonica Geller: Did you like learn about her family?\nJoey Tribbiani: Two brothers, one died!\nMonica Geller: Yes!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?!\nMonica Geller: Oh!\nGunther: This is from the woman at the bar.\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho-ho-ho.\nGunther: Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.\nRachel Green: What time is it?\nMonica Geller: One.\nRoss Geller: One.\nChandler Bing: 7:15. Watch doesn't work.\nRachel Green: Tommy's supposed to be here soon, we're going to lunch.\nRoss Geller: Look. Look, I wasn't going to say anything to you, but... All right, I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.\nRachel Green: You don't?!\nRoss Geller: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.\nRachel Green: Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men.\nRoss Geller: No, it's not just 'cause I'm jealous. I mean I'm not, I'm not, I'm not jealous, okay? It's... Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, banging his hands together!\nRoss Geller: Okay, fine, fine. You don't want to believe me? No, that's fine.\nMonica Geller: We're kidding!\nChandler Bing: Ross, don't. Ross!\nRoss Geller: You don't want to believe me, I'm Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny...\nTommy: Whoa!!\nRoss Geller: Whoa, sorry Tommy.\nTommy: What's in the cup, Ross?\nRoss Geller: Umm...\nTommy: What is in the cup?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's coffee.\nTommy: Ice coffee? Tell me it's ice coffee!\nRoss Geller: It's-it's hot...\nTommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!\nRachel Green: What's your favourite thing about summertime?\nMonica Geller: Umm, going to the beach. When it stays light real late.\nRachel Green: Yeah...\nTommy: Hey!\nRachel Green: Tommyyyy! Say, what's your favourite thing about summer?\nTommy: Ooh, I don't know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.\nChandler Bing: Ohh, that's a good one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry! Sorry, I'm late; sorry, I'm late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.\nStage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, let's go! Let's go!\nLauren: Vic! Where have you been, baby?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Where's Kate?\nLauren: She got a job in L.A.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nLauren: I've been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? Where have you been? Vic?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ahh, go to the window. I'm wanna run down to the truck and show you something.\nLauren: What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?\nJoey Tribbiani: When is she leaving?\nLauren: Tonight. What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm coming up!\nTommy: Hey, mind if I use the phone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I...\nChandler Bing: Why don't you use ours across the hall, 'cause she...has...problems.\nRoss Geller: Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.\nTommy: Yeah, but you didn't.\nRoss Geller: No, but it's-it's-it's hot!\nRachel Green: Ross, would you just stop it! It's getting really old.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe no one believes me!\nPhoebe Buffay: I do, I believe you.\nRoss Geller: You do Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. But I also believed her when she said I was next.\nTommy: Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? Aww. Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's disgusting! God, you're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!\nChandler Bing: Step away from the duck.\nTommy: Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Whaa!!!\nKate Miller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nKate Miller: I'm soo glad I caught you, I couldn't find you before.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wh-wh-what's going on? Wh-what's this about L.A.?\nKate Miller: They still want me for General Hospital.\nJoey Tribbiani: But, but wh-what about us?\nKate Miller: Last night was wonderful. But I-I can't stay here just for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, so, stay for the museums!\nKate Miller: I'm sorry.\nStage Manager: Joey, onstage!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, I'll go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.\nLauren: Where are you Vic?\nKate Miller: Flight's in an hour. I-I gotta go.\nLauren: Vic! Vic! Vic!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: In a minute!!\nLauren: So this is it? Victor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess it is. Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick 'cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, you've got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, I'm gonna want to meet her.\nLauren: So long, Vic!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, it's been two days.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers. Right?\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, it's has to be 800. 'Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.\nRachel Green: Phoe-be!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry, I'm so sorry, I will pay you back.\nChandler Bing: And yet, she's still not hanging up the phone.\nEveryone: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! Fine! Oh-oh!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.\nMonica Geller: Oh."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.\nChandler Bing: Or... Dick.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.\nChandler Bing: Was it like a sneeze only better?\nRoss Geller: No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body.\nJoey Tribbiani: What was it?\nRoss Geller: Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out.\nChandler Bing: No!!\nRoss Geller: Come on you guys, it's no big deal!\nChandler Bing: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! Huh.\nRoss Geller: Well what is it? Is it a mole?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.\nRoss Geller: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?\nChandler Bing: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a...\nRachel Green: Hey guys! What's...\nChandler Bing: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.\nRoss Geller: Ahhh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music.\nVince: Good deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nVince: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Vince is a fireman.\nRachel Green: Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?\nVince: 98 hot saves, highest in the force.\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.\nVince: Fire safety is not a joke, son.\nChandler Bing: You're right, I know.\nVince: Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. See you Saturday.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.\nRachel Green: What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.\nJoey Tribbiani: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?\nPhoebe Buffay: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? Okay, no they don't.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well?!\nChandler Bing: Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?\nRoss Geller: Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well what is it?!\nRoss Geller: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.\nRoss Geller: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, \"Awww, he's got a Ross.\"\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that'd be cool!\nMonica Geller: Pete's breaking up with me.\nEveryone: What?!\nMonica Geller: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.\nRachel Green: And?\nMonica Geller: Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.\nJason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so great! Oh, I... Oh my God!\nJason: Whoa!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!!\nJason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No!\nJason: No, no?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!\nJason: W-w-w-wait! Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay?\nRoss Geller: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!\nDr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. What are you doing?\nRoss Geller: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill-slice-it-right-off third nipple.\nDr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.\nRoss Geller: No?\nDr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.\nRoss Geller: Well then, what is it?!\nDr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?\nDr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton!\nDr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.\nMonica Geller: I gotta go water Pete's plants. Y'know what, if he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.\nChandler Bing: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them.\nPhoebe Buffay: ...and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.\nRachel Green: Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.\nRachel Green: So Pheebs, pick one of them.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Which one do you like more?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.\nChandler Bing: Well sensitive is important, pick him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sure, go with the sissy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Jason is not a sissy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Y'know I have dinner plans!!\nDr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.\nEveryone: Whoa.\nMonica Geller: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! Oh, see you just need to find the right command.\nRoss Geller: Yes, and the dimmer switch.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.\nMonica Geller: No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything.\nChandler Bing: I-kea! This is comfortable.\nRachel Green: This place is amazing.\nPhoebe Buffay: God, that is the nicest kitchen.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.\nMonica Geller: Joey, put that down! Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone!\nPeter Becker: Monica?\nMonica Geller: I guess that's how.\nPeter Becker: Hey Monica, how's it going.\nMonica Geller: Oh it's umm, good! It's umm, it's good, just here watering the plants.\nPeter Becker: Well don't forget that fiches over there by Rachel.\nRachel Green: Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!\nPeter Becker: I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever.\nEveryone: Hey Pete.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, how ya doing?\nMonica Geller: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.\nPeter Becker: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. Hey, how's it going?\nMonica Geller: Oh no-no-no, it's still me.\nPeter Becker: Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.\nMonica Geller: Oh, oh, okay umm, so I'll see you soon.\nPeter Becker: Okay, I love you.\nMonica Geller: I love you.\nEveryone: I love you, love you.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Well, it's good news. It's good news.\nChandler Bing: So, what do you thing the good news is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?\nMonica Geller: Oh my.\nRachel Green: Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!\nPete's Mom: Hello.\nMonica Geller: And that's Pete's Mom.\nRachel Green: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, \"Look how much money we've got!\" Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.\nMonica Geller: Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing.\nMonica Geller: Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy.\nRoss Geller: Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this.\nRachel Green: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just better than having just like a really, really, really nice butt. Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!\nEveryone: Good luck!\nRachel Green: OH MY GOD!!! Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here?\nFireman: Oh sure. Vince?!\nVince: Yo!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those.\nVince: So, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore.\nVince: Uh-huh. G-good deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nVince: No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, I didn't...\nVince: I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.\nRoss Geller: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.\nMonica Geller: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.\nRoss Geller: Gimme this.\nRachel Green: Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.\nMonica Geller: Brides magazines?\nRachel Green: Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. Like for clubbing.\nMonica Geller: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: I know. I need more pie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?\nRachel Green: You didn't break up with that fireman?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.\nRachel Green: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.\nMonica Geller: So then, are you going to dump Jason?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, but now so's Vince Plus, Vince has the body y'know? So... It's really just about the math.\nPhoebe Buffay: Jason?\nJason: Yeah, come on in.\nJason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nah-ha!\nGuru Saj: You must be Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nGuru Saj: I am Guru Saj.\nRoss Geller: Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so...\nGuru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. Come on, have a seat. Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis!\nRoss Geller: What's a koondis?\nGuru Saj: I don't know, what's a koondis with you? Please, lie down! I've got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.\nRoss Geller: I guess it's worth a try.\nGuru Saj: Oh sure, we should see results-Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!!\nRoss Geller: What?! What?!\nGuru Saj: We appear to have angered it.\nRoss Geller: We?! We angered it?!\nGuru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. Love.\nRoss Geller: Oh God!\nGuru Saj: Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to...\nRoss Geller: Ow!!\nGuru Saj: Oops.\nRoss Geller: What was, what was that?\nGuru Saj: Well it's gone.\nRoss Geller: What?! How's that?\nGuru Saj: It got caught on my watch.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPeter Becker: Lights. Uh, romantic lights.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, nice.\nPeter Becker: So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.\nMonica Geller: Oh, right! I completely forgot about that.\nPeter Becker: Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life...\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nPeter Becker: And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.\nMonica Geller: Wow.\nPeter Becker: There's one thing missing.\nMonica Geller: What's that?\nPeter Becker: It's time for me to conquer the physical world.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPeter Becker: Monica, I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion.\nMonica Geller: You wanna what?!\nPeter Becker: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nPeter Becker: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.\nMonica Geller: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.\nPeter Becker: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?\nMonica Geller: My parents will be so happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-wear...\" Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.\nJason: Hey. I was...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJason: I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there.\nVince: Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince!\nVince: What?!\nJason: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to chose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.\nVince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.\nJason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nJason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh.\nVince: You haven't?\nJason: You have?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, this is none of my business.\nJason: I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.\nJason: Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, that could've been really awkward.\nVince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you.\nVince: Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area.\nChandler Bing: Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?\nGuru Saj: Hello, I am Guru Saj-Whoa!! That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do?\nGuru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Do you think that there's a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And ah, as you're driving into town there's-there's like a sign, and it says \"You're in Sample.\"\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey!\nRachel Green: How'd it go with Pete?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Tell us!\nMonica Geller: You're not gonna believe this. Okay, so I go over...\nBilly: I'm sorry. Ex-excuse us. I'm sorry, it's a little crowded. Do you mind if we...\nRobin Williams: Yeah, could you scooch?\nBilly: Yeah, move over just a little bit.\nRobin: Keep on scooching.\nMonica Geller: So guys, listen, I go over there, and umm...\nRobin: Why? Why?! What's wrong with me?!\nBilly: What's the matter?\nRobin: I have a feelin'... I, my wife is sleeping with her gynaecologist.\nBilly: How do you know?\nRobin: Well y'know, he's got access.\nBilly: Yeah.\nRobin: Y'know it's that feeling you get, y'know?\nBilly: Like when you go bowling and you know you're in somebody else's shoes?\nRobin: That's the one.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so, so you went to Pete's...\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nMonica Geller: I...\nRobin: Why is this happening to me?! I don't know, maybe it's my wound.\nMonica Geller: Forget it.\nBilly: So it's-it's not heeled yet?\nRobin: No-no, it's ooozing, oozing. Could you pass me the cream? Is there any-Oh, there's the cream.\nBilly: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and nobody else.\nRobin: What is it, Tim?\nBilly: It's me, I've been sleeping with your wife.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you're the gynaecologist?\nBilly: Hey, I'm trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!\nRobin: Ooh, Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? Would you-Give me this thing all right!! Enough! And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! Get away from me!!\nBilly: Thomas, come back here!\nPhoebe Buffay: So Monica, what were you gonna tell us?\nMonica Geller: I have no idea.\nRachel Green: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don't take his name.\nMonica Geller: He didn't ask me to marry him.\nEveryone: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then definately don't take his name.\nMonica Geller: He wanted to tell me he's gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.\nThe Guys: Pete?!\nRachel Green: Why?! What is it?\nMonica Geller: I don't know exactly. It's-it's sorta like wrestling.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but without the costumes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: And it's not fake, it's totally brutal.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's two guys in a ring, and the rules are \"There are no rules.\"\nMonica Geller: So you can like, bite, and pull people's hair and stuff?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, anything goes, except ah, eye gouging and fish hooking.\nMonica Geller: What's fish hooking?\nRoss Geller: Huh, what's fish hooking... Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.\nDoug: So thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, let's go out there and get 'em! Huh? And remember, there is no 'I' in team.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but there's two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.\nDoug: You! Chuckles! What's your name?\nChandler Bing: Oh it's Bing, sir. I'm sorry , I was just ah...\nDoug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. This team is about hard work, but it's also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing!\nRoss Geller: That's right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. Thank you. Yeah, we have the reservations.\nRachel Green: Yes!!\nChandler Bing: All right buddy, way to go!\nRoss Geller: Dude, what are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Thank you! Today, my boss keep slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeesh, what'd you do about it?\nChandler Bing: Well, I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.\nMonica Geller: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, maybe it's like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns.\nRachel Green: Y'know I don't, I don't understand guys, I mean I-I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by y'know, grabbin' her boob.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between 'em.\nMonica Geller: Okay, can we please go eat?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. What are we getting?\nMonica Geller: Anything but stew.\nRoss Geller: All right so, Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, don't turn your back to him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?\nChandler Bing: What if Joey were president?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, hey Rach, can I ask you something?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?\nRachel Green: Oh, ah with who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, my friend, Bonnie. She just always thought Ross was really cute, and now that you two aren't together, she asked if I could set it up, but if you're not cool with it...\nRachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, which one is Bonnie again?\nPhoebe Buffay: You remember her from my birthday party two years ago. She's yeah, like, average height, medium build, bald...\nRachel Green: Oh! That's fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Okay, good for you!\nHoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?\nPeter Becker: I told you, we're adding new operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?\nHoshi: It's just hard when I know I have e-mail I can't get!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPeter Becker: Monica! Hi honey.\nHoshi: All right, on the table.\nMonica Geller: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I don't want you to get hurt, 'cause I kinda like you.\nPeter Becker: Oh, believe me, I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this. See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. A house painter! He used to be a house painter.\nMonica Geller: Promise me you'll be careful.\nPeter Becker: I promise.\nMonica Geller: Hey, are we still on for tonight?\nPeter Becker: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Okay, good, 'cause umm, well maybe we could have a little workout of our own...\nHoshi: No! No boom-boom before big fight!\nMonica Geller: How 'bout just a boom?\nRachel Green: Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie.\nBonnie: Hi!\nRachel Green: This is Bonnie? This is Bonnie? You're Bonnie?\nBonnie: I can show you an ID if you want?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I'm sorry, you look a lot different from the last time I-I saw you.\nBonnie: Oh yeah, well I just started wearing bras again.\nRachel Green: Oh, that must be it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I hope you have fun tonight.\nBonnie: Thanks! You too.\nRachel Green: You said she was bald.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, she was bald, she's not now.\nRachel Green: How could you not tell me that she has hair?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, I hardly ever say that about people.\nRachel Green: Ohh, well, this is just perfect!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I'm sorry, I thought you said it was okay.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I said what was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick. I mean, y'know, that girl has hair got all over head!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like her personality.\nRachel Green: Why, does she have a bad personality?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, Bonnie's the best!\nDoug: Bing! Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. Wham! Good one. That was a good one. Keep at it team.\nChandler Bing: What is with him?\nPhil: With him? You're is favourite, you're his guy!\nStevens: We never get smacked.\nChandler Bing: Well, that's not true, he-he smacked you once.\nPhil: Not on purpose, he ricocheted of you and got me.\nStevens: I'm telling you, I need some smacks. I got a kid starting Dartmouth in the fall.\nDoug: Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?\nChandler Bing: No sir.\nDoug: There you go.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: God Ross, what is that?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!\nAnnouncer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! He's known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!\nMonica Geller: I love you, Pete!!!\nAnnouncer: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! He's a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!!!\nMonica Geller: Pete! Pete!! That guy's pretty huge!\nPeter Becker: Don't worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponent's strength and weight against him.\nRoss Geller: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.\nRoss Geller: All right! You go get him! Let's go!\nReferee: Here we go gentlemen, here we go! Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's get it on!!\nPeter Becker: Uh-oh.\nMonica Geller: Hey! It's me. Mon-i-ca! Can I just tell you how proud I am of you.\nPeter Becker: It would be nice after hearing 20,000 people chant \"You suck!\"\nMonica Geller: I mean I-I thought you were nuts at first, but you-you did it. And now you can just look back at this thing with no regrets.\nPeter Becker: What, look back?\nMonica Geller: Well, you're not gonna get going are you?\nPeter Becker: Well let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?\nMonica Geller: Well, no. But...\nPeter Becker: Well I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.\nMonica Geller: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out!\nPeter Becker: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dad's garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.\nMonica Geller: You didn't know that already?\nPeter Becker: Look, I'm gonna get better. Okay? I promise you.\nMonica Geller: Okay, just get a lot better. Fast.\nPeter Becker: Oh, one other thing. Hoshi thinks that you being ringside may have affected my concentration.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. That-that was the problem.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey! How long until Pete's fight?\nMonica Geller: Oh, about five minutes. Right now they're interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.\nRoss Geller: Hot dog?\nMonica Geller: Four, please. I'm really nervous. Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So Ross, how umm, how did it go with Bonnie?\nRoss Geller: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasn't expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, that's too bad!\nRoss Geller: No, I-I'm saying I liked her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, y'know what, there are other fish in the sea.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, I think she's great. Okay? We're going out again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I hear you! Are you capable of talking about any thing else?\nChandler Bing: Hey! Which one's my turkey burger?\nRoss Geller: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, the fight's starting!\nRoss Geller: Okay, we'll be right in. So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?\nChandler Bing: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, it's gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow I'm conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fight's over!\nChandler Bing: Excuse me, Doug? Hey there sports fan!!\nDoug: Bing! You got those numbers for me?\nChandler Bing: No, I ah, I didn't do them.\nDoug: Oh, you forgot?\nChandler Bing: No, no I just ah, didn't do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly don't deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.\nDoug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. That's okay, you're still my number one guy! Bing!\nChandler Bing: Doug!!\nDoug: Hmm.\nChandler Bing: I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.\nDoug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!\nChandler Bing: No, no. It-it's not about the swearing, it's more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.\nDoug: Oh?\nChandler Bing: Oh, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, it's making all the other guys jealous.\nDoug: Well, say no more. Y'know it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! You're okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nDoug: Ha! Ahhhhhhh!\nChandler Bing: Ahhhhh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Phoebe look, it's Ross and that girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! Look at that! It's a line of ants! They're working as a team!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Let's go.\nRachel Green: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay that's, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, that's what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! That really is nothing, she is very sexually aggressive.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, he's gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: You said it was okay!\nRachel Green: You said she was bald!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! What-what-what-what-what?!!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, we can't, we just can't just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I don't get it. Aren't you the one that decided that you didn't want to be with Ross?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well isn't he your friend? Don't you want him to be happy?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: So?\nRachel Green: I just y'know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, we killed them all.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPeter Becker: It's okay, it's not as bad as it looks, it's a precaution. Ah, I'm not supposed to move my spine.\nMonica Geller: Please tell me you're stopping now.\nPeter Becker: I'm fine! I'd fight tonight, if they'd let me. See this circle I'm marking off here? This is my zone of terror.\nMonica Geller: You are insane! You-you gotta give this up!\nPeter Becker: I can't until I'm the ultimate fighter. I will do it. I'm telling you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman. Now, I'm not saying I could beat Superman, but y'know, kids are stupid.\nMonica Geller: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!!\nPeter Becker: Y'know I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adam's Apple, but that really hurt.\nMonica Geller: Well then, y'know what? I care about you to much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then you're gonna have to do it without me.\nPeter Becker: Well if you're asking me to quit, then you're asking me to be someone I'm not. I've got to do this.\nMonica Geller: Then I've gotta go. Bye.\nPeter Becker: Mon-Monica?\nMonica Geller: Yes?\nPeter Becker: Could you leave a note? 'Cause I'm on a lot of pain killers now, and I don't know if I'll remember this tomorrow.\nDoug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up , so I'm happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. Phil! Nice job. Stevens! Way to go! Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! Bing! Good job, couldn't have done it without ya.\nChandler Bing: Thank you, sir.\nStevens: Oh, excuse me. I forgot my briefcase y'know, by accident.\nDoug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! Well, what about you? You're not feeling left out or anything are ya?\nChandler Bing: No. No, not at all, that's-that's ridiculous.\nDoug: Everybody else got one, and you want one too. Don't you?\nChandler Bing: Ye-ye-yeah, yes I do!\nDoug: Now get on out of here, you!\nTv Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, he's just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...\nChandler Bing: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak!\nRachel Green: Oh, I can't watch this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out, he's winning! Pete's winning!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-o-o!!\nTv Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.\nEveryone: Oh! Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, if that's his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?\nRoss Geller: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete can't.\nEveryone: Ohh!!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!\nBonnie: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out.\nChandler Bing: Tell it again. Seriously.\nRachel Green: I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.\nMonica Geller: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I think we all learned something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! That's my Mom's writing! Look.\nChandler Bing: Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what that means?\nJoey Tribbiani: That you're actually 50?\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. Best Friends Forever.\nEveryone: Oh!\nRachel Green: That is so cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?\nEveryone: Yeah! Yeah, we can!\nBonnie: Shoot! I can't go, I have to work!\nRoss Geller: That's too bad.\nRachel Green: Ohh, big, fat bummerrr.\nPhoebe Buffay: So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Bonnie had sex there!\nMonica Geller: Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.\nChandler Bing: You're not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.\nMonica Geller: Thanks!\nChandler Bing: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.\nMonica Geller: Yeah right.\nChandler Bing: Why is that so funny?\nMonica Geller: You made a joke right? So I laughed.\nChandler Bing: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?\nMonica Geller: Well, no. You're Chandler. Y'know, Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we weren't friends, say it's a blind date. I show up at your door, and I'm like \"Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.\"\nMonica Geller: Well I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's just my luggage.\nJoey Tribbiani: Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? What about ah, that bike messenger you hit?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, check out the hat!\nChandler Bing: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!!\nMonica Geller: Seriously, where did you get the hat?\nRachel Green: Ross gave it to me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I think she looks good.\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank you.\nChandler Bing: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?\nRachel Green: Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back.\nPhoebe Buffay: And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat.\nRoss Geller: Go, go, go!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oy!!\nMonica Geller: What's with all this sand?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, yes, it's kind've an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Knock, knock, knock.\nPhoebe Abbott: Ah, oh, hang on a second. Come in, come in. All right, so think about it, and call me back.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you ah, Phoebe Abott?\nPhoebe Abbott: Ahh, yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Phoebe Abott, I'm your best friends daughter!\nPhoebe Abbott: You're Erwin's daughter?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I-I mean your-your old best friend, here. Lily, from high school. Remember?\nPhoebe Abbott: Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be?\nPhoebe Buffay: Phoebe. Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you I guess.\nPhoebe Abbott: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! There's Frank.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! That's my Dad, that's Frank! Yeah! I'm sorry I'm getting all flingy.\nPhoebe Abbott: Take it easy-if you want, there's cookies on the counter, or, or-sangria! I can make sangria!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks.\nPhoebe Abbott: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, so, umm, anyway umm, I've been, I've been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?\nPhoebe Abbott: Oh no, I-I'm sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents. Everything.\nPhoebe Abbott: Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname for the three of us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, what? What was it?\nPhoebe Abbott: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, it was great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?\nMonica Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.\nEveryone: No, no!\nMonica Geller: What are you crazy?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law!\nRachel Green: Allll done!\nMonica Geller: Aww, thank you.\nRachel Green: Okay, who's next?!\nRoss Geller: No-o-o! No way!\nRachel Green: Come on, please?! I'm boredddd! You let me do it once before.\nRoss Geller: Yeah well, if ah, if that's the rule this weekend... No!\nRachel Green: Yes!\nRoss Geller: Get away!\nRachel Green: Just once!\nRoss Geller: Stay away!\nRachel Green: Take it like a man, Ross!\nRoss Geller: No! No!\nRachel Green: Oh, come on!\nChandler Bing: Big bullies!!\nRoss Geller: Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, so, how are we doing?\nChandler Bing: Bored and bored!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?\nEveryone: Noo!!\nMonica Geller: So what's Phoebe like?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like?\nMonica Geller: Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Oh well, where is he?!\nPhoebe Buffay: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasn't heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look ! Isn't this what he would look like now?\nMonica Geller: Totally familiar.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah.\nThe Guys: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Well, why would she lie to you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, but we're having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, she's gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I don't know! So, you're all bored?\nEveryone: Ohh!!\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, all right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fan out! Fan out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Ooh, y'know we could just do this.\nChandler Bing: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.\nJoey Tribbiani: OH YES!!!!!\nMonica Geller: Strip Happy Days Game?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited.\nRoss Geller: Okay, come on! Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! Okay. Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.\nThe Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, relax. It's just a shoe.\nEveryone: Wooooo!!!!\nRachel Green: Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, take 'em off!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?\nRachel Green: All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas!\nRoss Geller: Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk?\nRachel Green: I'm just making margaritas.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I think I'll help her out. What is going on here?\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: You painting his toenails?\nRachel Green: Oh, come on!\nMonica Geller: Chasing him all around the room?\nRachel Green: Monica, please?\nMonica Geller: He's totally flirting with you too.\nRachel Green: He is, isn't he? I don't know, I don't know, I mean maybe it's just being here at the beach together or, I don't know. But it's like something...\nBonnie: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hi Bonnie!\nBonnie: Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nBonnie: What are you guys doing?!\nJoey Tribbiani: We're playing Strip Happy Days Game!\nBonnie: Cool! I'll catch up!\nChandler Bing: So, you still don't think I'm boyfriend material?\nMonica Geller: Huh?\nChandler Bing: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.\nMonica Geller: You didn't even take off your pants.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, lucky for you.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: I don't know.\nRachel Green: Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh! Shhhh! Joey's asleep.\nPhoebe Buffay: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.\nRachel Green: Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.\nRoss Geller: Good morning.\nEveryone: Hey.\nBonnie: Hey! How did everybody sleep?\nRachel Green: Oh, great.\nMonica Geller: Like a log.\nRachel Green: I'm going for a walk.\nRoss Geller: Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.\nBonnie: Hey, what happened to you?\nRachel Green: Oh, ah nothin'. I just felt like hangin' out here and reading.\nBonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.\nRachel Green: Ohhhh, sorry I missed that.\nBonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.\nRachel Green: Ohh-ha-ha!\nBonnie: I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.\nRachel Green: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I just loved your look when you were bald.\nBonnie: Really?!\nRachel Green: Ohh!\nBonnie: Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime.\nRachel Green: Really?!\nBonnie: Yeah!\nRachel Green: I mean you definitely should do that.\nBonnie: Y'know what, I should do it.\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nBonnie: Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool.\nRachel Green: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!\nBonnie: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me.\nRachel Green: Aww Pheebs, that sucks!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, don't \"Aww Pheebs, that sucks!\" me yet.\nChandler Bing: Where ya going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.\nRoss Geller: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, are any of those people here?!\nEveryone: Oh, no!! No, no!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays.\nBonnie: Hey, everybody!\nEveryone: Wow!!\nRoss Geller: Wh-haa-haa! Look what 'cha did!\nBonnie: You wanna touch it?\nRoss Geller: Nooo, but it, but it's great.\nBonnie: Come on, touch it!\nRoss Geller: Okay. You can feel all the bones in your skull.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you!\nRachel Green: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.\nRoss Geller: She said you gave her the razor!\nBonnie: Hey guys.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nBonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?\nRoss Geller: Ahh, no, I'm good.\nBonnie: Okay, I'll see you in a bit.\nRoss Geller: Okay, have fun! Wooo!!\nRachel Green: Come on see, she doesn't look that bad.\nRoss Geller: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!!\nRachel Green: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!\nRachel Green: All right! Ross, do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?\nRoss Geller: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?\nRachel Green: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!\nRoss Geller: You still love me?\nRachel Green: Noo.\nRoss Geller: You still love me.\nRachel Green: Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!\nRoss Geller: Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?\nRachel Green: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so...\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: I just, I feel, I-I just...\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I feel...\nChandler Bing: Noo!! I don't care! I'm not, I'm not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!\nJoey Tribbiani: But I made cards!!\nRachel Green: Well! Good night. I'm going upstairs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wanna play strip poker for practice?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. Oh, shhh!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No!! It's me! It's me! I-I didn't want to make any noise!\nPhoebe Abbott: Then don't break in!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Abbott: What are you doing here?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays.\nPhoebe Abbott: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you're just mean! So, just tell me the truth!\nPhoebe Abbott: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.\nPhoebe Buffay: My Father is Chuck Magioni?\nPhoebe Abbott: No, no, that's just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And I'm very sorry, but I don't know where your Father is, and that's the truth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nPhoebe Abbott: But umm, you're right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, ahh, okay. I'm your mother.\nPhoebe Buffay: Heh?\nPhoebe Abbott: Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!\nRoss Geller: That's not true! Her, she doesn't even know what she wants! Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.\nChandler Bing: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don't need that kind've hurt. Take it from a guy who's never had a long term relationship...\nRoss Geller: I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!\nBonnie: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Ahhhh!\nBonnie: You guys, the water's great. You should really go in.\nChandler Bing: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.\nBonnie: Okay, well g'night.\nRoss Geller: Good night.\nBonnie: Don't be too long.\nRoss Geller: Okey-dokey!\nChandler Bing: There is not one hair on that head.\nRoss Geller: Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she-she's really fun, and she's cool, and-and I'm finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so , y'know? Y'know, and I'm finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesn't work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?\nJoey Tribbiani: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi there.\nMonica Geller: That's that weird voice again.\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, you're gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!\nChandler Bing: Hi! I'm Dorf! You're date for the evening. Oh come on! Dorf on dating, that's good stuff!!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hi!\nBonnie: Rachel was just helping me out. My head got all sunburned.\nRoss Geller: Awww.\nBonnie: Thanks a million.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're welcome a million.\nBonnie: Okay, I'll see you in our room.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I gotta go.\nRachel Green: Whoa! What?! Why?!\nRoss Geller: Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.\nRachel Green: Here?! Now?!\nRoss Geller: Well, yeah. I can't-I can't stay here all night, and if I go in there she's-she's gonna wanna... do stuff.\nRachel Green: Well, can't you tell her that you are not in the mood?\nRoss Geller: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesn't work either, I can't tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...\nRachel Green: Whoa-ho.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?\nRachel Green: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah. It wasn't every morning.\nRachel Green: Oh, making it worse!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Abbott: So I guess you'd like to know how it all happened.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!\nPhoebe Abbott: Noo! No! It wasn't like that I... Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.\nPhoebe Buffay: How close?\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of umm, a couple.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't even know how that would work!\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, we were...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not asking!\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what it's like to be eighteen years old?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Let's see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, I'm so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didn't even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I don't know, you're here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, everybody does! I'm a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didn't even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and I'm just, I'm gonna do the same thing to you.\nPhoebe Abbott: Wait!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't ever want to see you again!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, where's my purse?\nMonica Geller: Shoot! We're out of soda.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'll go out and get you some.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Nope! Because I'm not your boyfriend. Hey Pheebs, how did it go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, umm, my Mom's friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth Mom.\nChandler Bing: I found a dried up seashores.\nMonica Geller: Sweety, what are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my new Mom, who-who's a big, fat abandoner!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, wait, Pheebs, wait a second! Don't you wanna stay here and talk about it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. I'm just, I wanna, I need to be alone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica!\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRoss Geller: It's over.\nRachel Green: Oh, was it awful?\nRoss Geller: Well, it was loong. I didn't even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 o'clock shadow on her head. Anyway, she didn't want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.\nRachel Green: I wrote you a letter.\nRoss Geller: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail.\nRachel Green: It's just some things I've been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Wow, it's-it's 5:30 in the morning. So, I'd better get cracking on this baby.\nRachel Green: Well, I'll be waiting for you, just come up when you're done.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'll be up in, 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Oh-oh.\nRachel Green: Hey! What happened to you? Why didn't you come up?\nRoss Geller: Done!\nRachel Green: You just finished?\nRoss Geller: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!\nRachel Green: So umm, does it?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Does it?\nRoss Geller: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole 'Does it?' part just another glance.\nRachel Green: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesn't, and if you have to even think about it...\nRoss Geller: No, Rach, no. I don't, I don't, I don't have to think about it, in fact, I've decided, I've decided that, that it...does.\nRachel Green: Are you sure?\nRoss Geller: Oh, sure! I'm sure.\nRachel Green: I know.\nChandler Bing: All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?\nMonica Geller: Ennnh.\nChandler Bing: I've got canned goods.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! Check this baby out, dug me a hole!\nChandler Bing: Excellent hole, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no! No!! My hole!!\nMonica Geller: Ow!! Ow!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! What?!! What is it?!\nMonica Geller: Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts!! It hurts!!\nChandler Bing: Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!\nMonica Geller: It's like two miles!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole.\nMonica Geller: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!\nChandler Bing: We've got to do something!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there's really only one thing you can do.\nMonica Geller: What?! What is it?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're gonna have to pee on it.\nMonica Geller: What?!! Gross!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, he's right. There's something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.\nMonica Geller: Well forget it! It doesn't hurt that baaad!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: If you want some privacy you can use my hole.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm ready to get the hell out of here! Oh. Are you? Are you?!! Ohh! That's so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. But for you, yay! Ohh.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: How was the beach?\nMonica Geller: Nothing, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. I'm gonna take a shower.\nChandler Bing: Me too!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna put this in the car.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I have to go pack. It really does?\nRoss Geller: It does. It really and truly does.\nRoss Geller: It so does not!!!\nRoss Geller: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I'm gonna break up with you!\nRoss Geller: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, \"If you accept full responsibility...\" Full responsibility! \"...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. Does it?!!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: No?\nChandler Bing: Look, Ross, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you're gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you're right. Yeah I guess I'll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, it's hard to forget! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, ever talk about.\nRoss Geller: What the hell happened on that beach?!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's between us and the sea, Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, Ursula.\nUrsula Buffay: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well umm, I know that we haven't talked in a long time, but umm okay, our Mom is not our birth Mom. This-this other lady is our birth Mom.\nUrsula Buffay: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know her?!\nUrsula Buffay: No, I umm, I read about her in Mom's suicide note.\nPhoebe Buffay: There-there was a suicide note?! Well, do you still have it?\nUrsula Buffay: Hang on.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a suicide note!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah. So how have you been doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I, umm, shut up!\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. I'll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk.\" You just wrote this!\nUrsula Buffay: Well, it's pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Noooo!!\nUrsula Buffay: All right, hang on!\nMonica Geller: Pass the cheese, please.\nMonica Geller: My God, you can't even look at me! Can you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No. I'm-I'm to depressed to talk.\nChandler Bing: I'll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?\nRachel Green: All right, that's it, you guys! What happened out there?\nMonica Geller: What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I can back with nothing all over me.\nRoss Geller: What happened? Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nMonica Geller: No! Joey, we swore we'd never tell!\nChandler Bing: They'll never understand!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It's eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.\nMonica Geller: All right!! All right. I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I-I couldn't walk.\nChandler Bing: We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.\nMonica Geller: I was in too much pain.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!\nChandler Bing: And then Joey remembered something.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!\nMonica Geller: You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn't. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Joey kept screaming at me, \"Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!\" Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's 'cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm.\" Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. Except for you. You go away.\nPhoebe Abbott: I'll go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell you that there hasn't been a day where I didn't regret giving you up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, bye.\nPhoebe Abbott: No, I'm not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didn't look you up was, well I was afraid that you'd react, just well like, the way, the way you're reacting right now, and can't we just, y'know, start from here?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nPhoebe Abbott: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. I'm family, I'm it. Now, now I'm done.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, it's not like we're losing anything. Y'know?\nPhoebe Abbott: Yeah, I guess you're right.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, I don't know. I mean it's not like we don't have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I like pizza!\nPhoebe Abbott: You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, so do I!\nPhoebe Abbott: I knew it, wow!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait-wait-wait, wait! Puppies. Cute or ugly?\nPhoebe Abbott: Ohh, so cute.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, well! But umm, still I'm-I'm mad at you.\nPhoebe Abbott: I know. I'm mad at me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well umm, do you wanna get something to eat? I'm kinda hungry.\nPhoebe Abbott: Hey! Me too!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, stop it. Now you're just doing it to freak me out.\nRachel Green: Oh-hooo, I missed you.\nRoss Geller: I missed you too.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. Y'know?\nRoss Geller: I suppose.\nRachel Green: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, \"Once a cheater, always a cheater.\"\nRoss Geller: Umm-hmm.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...\nRoss Geller: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Coffee house?\nMonica Geller: You bet.\nRoss Geller: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!\nRachel Green: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!\nRoss Geller: I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter!\nRachel Green: What?!!\nRoss Geller: I fell asleep!\nRachel Green: You fell asleep?!\nRoss Geller: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!'\nRachel Green: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!\nRoss Geller: FINE BY ME!!\nRachel Green: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!\nMonica Geller: Hey!!\nRachel Green: Sorry!! I just feel bad about all that sleep you're gonna miss wishing you were with me!\nRoss Geller: Oh, no-no-no don't you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!\nRachel Green: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!\nChandler Bing: I KNEW IT!!!!\nMonica Geller: Gin.\nChandler Bing: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.\nMonica Geller: Will you stop!\nChandler Bing: Okay. All right.\nMonica Geller: Okay, all right, I think you're great, I think you're sweet, and you're smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.\nMonica Geller: Gin.\nChandler Bing: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.\nMonica Geller: Will you stop!\nChandler Bing: Okay. All right.\nMonica Geller: Okay, all right, I think you're great, I think you're sweet, and you're smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Wow! That ripped! That ripped real nice!\nJoey Tribbiani: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.\nChandler Bing: You don't turn and slide, you throw it out! I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, we're not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!\nChandler Bing: All right, how about we, how 'bout we sell it.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. But, you're gonna have to tell them.\nChandler Bing: Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? They seem all right with it!\nChip Matthews: Hey Monica, it's Chip.\nMonica Geller: Yesss!!\nRoss Geller: Who's Chip?\nMonica Geller: Shhh!\nChip Matthews: Good runnin' into you at the bank today, so ah, here's my number, 555-9323. Give me a call. Later.\nMonica Geller: Chip, is Chip Matthews.\nRoss Geller: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause I ran into him at the bank, he is still soo cute.\nRoss Geller: Monica, you're so lucky! He's like the most popular guy in school!!\nMonica Geller: I know!! Chip? Hi! It's Monica. 'Kay. 'Kay. Okay. Okay, good-bye. Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!!\nRoss Geller: I was just leaving.\nRachel Green: Good! 'Cause I've got a product report to read, it's like eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep.\nRoss Geller: Why? Did you write it?\nRachel Green: Wow! Look at that, Chip Matthews called. I wonder what he wants?\nRoss Geller: Well ah, actually...\nRachel Green: I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.\nRoss Geller: Well, umm, why don't you give him a call?\nRachel Green: Okay. Are you sure you wanna hear this?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sure.\nRachel Green: Chip! Hi, it's Rachel. Rachel Green. Yeah, umm, you left me a message. Yes you did, my roommate wrote it down. Monica Geller. Ohh.\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's right! He called to ask out Monica! That-that's gotta be embarrassing!\nPhoebe Buffay: ...DUMB, DRUNKEN, BITCH!!! Thank you, thanks.\nRoss Geller: Hey, here's a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land.\nRoss Geller: I'm reading your ad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Looks good, uh?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Stunning entertainment center. Fine, fine Italian craftsmanship.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?\nRachel Green: Why? I love that thing.\nChandler Bing: You want it?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, Gepeto, $5,000 dollars? Are you insane?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!\nChandler Bing: All right look, I'm changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer.\nJoey Tribbiani: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.\nChandler Bing: Nooo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. What do you do?\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you don't know what I do for a living!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I actually don't know...\nRoss Geller: Good, so do I\nRachel Green: Something to do with numbers?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! Come on. Crazy. Oh my God.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing. Nothing.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? What's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just, I just have this really strong feeling that this cat is my Mother.\nRachel Green: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.\nRoss Geller: Are you sure she's in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma's glycoma medicine again?\nPhoebe Buffay: No Dr. Skeptismo! I'm sure. First of all, okay, there's the feeling. Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. My Mother's favourite fish is Orange Roughy... Cats...like...fish! Hi, Mommy. Oh, I haven't seen this smile in 17 years!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, Phoebe's mom has got a huge peni...\nChandler Bing: Let it go!!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Umm, when were you gonna tell me that you're going out with Chip Matthews?\nMonica Geller: Now? Is it okay if I go out with Chip Matthews?\nRachel Green: Nooo! It's not okay! I can't believe you would want to after what he did to me!\nMonica Geller: What, that little thing at the prom?\nRachel Green: Monica! I couldn't find him for two hours! He was having sex with Amy Welch!\nMonica Geller: Come on, that was back in high school! How could that still bother you?\nRachel Green: I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?!\nMonica Geller: Look, you and I went to different high schools...\nRachel Green: Okay, that doesn't help me, because we went to the same high school.\nMonica Geller: You went to one where you were popular, and you got to ride off Chip's motorcycle, and wear his letterman jacket. I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made.\nRachel Green: They had to have that specially made?!\nMonica Geller: It was a project for one of the Home Ec classes.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, they told us that was for the mascot!\nMonica Geller: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now he's-he's called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.\nRachel Green: Oh, you go out with him.\nMonica Geller: Oh, really?!\nRachel Green: Yeah. Just, if it's possible, could you leave him somewhere and go have sex with another guy?\nMonica Geller: I'll try.\nRoss Geller: So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I don't think any of them are gonna work out.\nChandler Bing: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.\nPhoebe Buffay: Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.\nRoss Geller: So Pheebs, how long is your mom gonna be with us?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that there's y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think she's worried that y'know, she's gonna, she's gonna be replaced. Well, that's not gonna happen is it? Noo. Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.\nMonica Geller: Why can't you use the phone in here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H. I just spelled the wrong word.\nRoss Geller: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebe's mom remind anyone of a cat?\nMonica Geller: Ross, don't start.\nRoss Geller: Come on, you-you can't tell me you actually believe that-that there's a woman inside that cat!\nRachel Green: I believe it.\nRoss Geller: No you don't.\nRachel Green: Yes, I do.\nRoss Geller: No you do-y'know what, you're not gonna suck me into this.\nRachel Green: Oh sure I am, because you always have to be right.\nRoss Geller: I do not always have to be-okay, okay.\nRachel Green: Jurassic Park could happen.\nTony: Wow! That's ah, that's pretty nice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty nice?\nChandler Bing: You'll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this.\nTony: We don't have 50 bucks, but would you be willing to trade for it? We've got a canoe.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I, I really don't think we need a canoe.\nTony: You gotta take the canoe!\nChandler Bing: All right, just, just take the entertainment center, and then when you get home, throw the canoe away!\nPeter: We're not throwing it away! I built that canoe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good for you!!\nRachel Green: You guys, you're never gonna believe what I just found tacked up on a telephone pole! Look kinda familiar?\nRoss Geller: Apparently Phoebe's mother also goes by the name Julio.\nRachel Green: You guys, there's a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-eah! 200 dollar reward, split five ways!!\nRachel Green: Do we have to tell her?\nRoss Geller: Yes, we have to tell her!\nMonica Geller: Oh, but it's made her so happy.\nRoss Geller: Little girl misses her cat. Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.\nEveryone: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: I hate when Ross is right!\nMonica Geller: He is right, isn't he?\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I think this might be one of the times he's wrong.\nEveryone: You think?\nChandler Bing: Oh-no, he's right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: How's that going?\nPhoebe Buffay: So great. Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's so sweet. I'm gonna get some coffee.\nMonica Geller: Huh? What'd ya say Joe? I'll be right there.\nRachel Green: Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: I just feel so, uhh...\nRachel Green: All right!!\nChandler Bing: I'm coming already!!\nRachel Green: Jeez!\nMonica Geller: Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet!\nRachel Green: Hello, Chip.\nChip Matthews: Hey, Rach! How ya doin'?\nRachel Green: I'm great! I'm great. I've got a great job at Bloomingdale's, have wonderful friends, and eventhough I'm not seeing anyone right now, I've never felt better about myself.\nChip Matthews: So ah, Monica ready yet?\nRachel Green: She'll be out in a second. So, Chip, how's umm, Amy Welch?\nChip Matthews: Amy Welch? Wow! I haven't seen her since... So, Monica about ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.\nGuy: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldn't, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny 'til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.\nGuy: No, you, you can't fit in that thing. That's not deep enough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? If I can't, I'll knock five bucks off the price off the unit.\nGuy: All right, you have yourself a deal.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. See?! I told ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!\nChip Matthews: Here, we are.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You still have the Chipper!\nChip Matthews: The what?\nMonica Geller: That's what we used to call your ah, your motorcycle in high school. Y'know how a motorcycle is a Chopper, and you're Chip. Nevermind.\nChip Matthews: No, I think it's cute.\nMonica Geller: Wow! A lipper from Chipper.\nChip Matthews: So you still in touch with anyone from high school?\nMonica Geller: Umm. Well, there's Rachel, and umm, I think that's it. How bout you?\nChip Matthews: Oh yeah, I still hang with Simmons and Zana, y'know. I see Spindler a lot. Devane, Kelly, and I run into Goldie from time to time. Steve Brown, Zuchoff, McGwire, J.T., Breadsly.\nMonica Geller: Is that all?\nChip Matthews: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, how is he?\nChip Matthews: Not so good, Simmons and I gave him a wedgie.\nMonica Geller: Isn't he an architect now?\nChip Matthews: Yeah, they still wear underwear.\nChandler Bing: OH MY GOD!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: WHAT?!!\nChandler Bing: Are you all right?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nChandler Bing: What happened?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Awww, man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs!!\nChandler Bing: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man!\nChandler Bing: So-You got in voluntarily?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I was tryin' to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do?\nChandler Bing: BEND OVER?!!!\nChip Matthews: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!!\nMonica Geller: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, 'cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I don't even know where you work?\nChip Matthews: You know where I work!\nMonica Geller: I do?\nChip Matthews: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.\nMonica Geller: You still work at the multiplex?\nChip Matthews: Oh, like I'd give up that job! Free popcorn and candy, anytime I want. I can get you free posters for your room.\nMonica Geller: Thanks, I'm set. Do you still live with your parents?\nChip Matthews: Oh yeah, but I can stay out as late as I want.\nRachel Green: Wow! They really got you guys. Your T.V. The chairs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, your microwave. The stereo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, man, he took the five of spades!! Oh, no-no-no, here it is!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! What happened?\nChandler Bing: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!\nRachel Green: So, how was your date?\nMonica Geller: Well, y'know how I always wanted to go out with Chip Matthews in high school?\nRachel Green: Um-hmm.\nMonica Geller: Well, tonight, I actually went out with Chip Matthews in high school.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: No, it's okay, not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews, I got to dump Chip Matthews.\nRachel Green: Ohh! That's so great!\nMonica Geller: I know!\nRoss Geller: Hey! So ah, what did the insurance company say?\nChandler Bing: Oh, they said uh, \"You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us.\"\nRoss Geller: You didn't tell her?! Okay, fine! Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi! Listen uhh, this cat belongs to a little girl. There are flyers all over the place.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, sweetie.\nMonica Geller: Hey, we can take her back with you if you want.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. Um-hmm. But y'know, she choose to find me. I mean, I have to respect her decision. Right?\nRoss Geller: No! No! Look-Hey, enough is enough! Look, I am sorry that you feel guilty or whatever about spending time with your new mom, but this is not your old mom. This is a cat! Okay, Julio the cat! Not mom! Cat!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, how many parents have you lost?\nRoss Geller: None.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, then you don't know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if I'm wrong, who cares? Just be a friend. Okay? Be supportive.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I don't know what to say.\nRachel Green: You could... say you're sorry to her mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think she would like that.\nRoss Geller: Come here, here, come here, come here, Mrs. Buffay. Sorry, about what I said, umm, it was, it was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When clearly you are also the reincarnated spirit, of my friend's mother.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you. We both forgive you.\nRachel Green: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay, listen, umm, Mom, I hope you know you still mean a lot to me. And you're welcome to come back anytime.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, Mom, I'll take you home.\nRachel Green: I'll go with you.\nMonica Geller: Me too.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Y'know, I've got an extra futon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you don't have to brag! We got nothing here!!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, I'm, I'm paddling away!\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh?!\nChandler Bing: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped!\nChandler Bing: Could we be more white trash?\nMonica Geller: How desperate am I?\nRachel Green: Oh! Good thing Chandler's not here, he always wins at this game.\nMonica Geller: I just told my Mom I'd cater a party for her.\nPhoebe Buffay: How come?\nMonica Geller: Because I need the money, and I thought that it'd be a great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.\nRoss Geller: Come on, I think this is a good thing. I don't think Mom would've hired you if she didn't think you were good at what you do.\nMonica Geller: You don't have to stick up for her. She can't here you.\nRachel Green: Hey! Umm, do you guys have any juice?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just pickle.\nChandler Bing: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.\nRachel Green: My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must've been awkward.\nChandler Bing: Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a drink.\nRachel Green: You ah, you didn't say 'Yes' to that did you?\nChandler Bing: No. No!\nJoanna: Hello, Rachel.\nChandler Bing: Well, not at first.\nRachel Green: What is she doing here?\nRachel Green: I don't understand! Last time you went out with her you said she was a 'big, dull dud.'\nChandler Bing: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.\nRachel Green: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must end it now!\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on! It's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually I'm pretty much just in there by myself.\nRachel Green: Chandler!! Promise me, you will end it.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I promise, I'll end it.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: I hope you know what I'm giving up for ya, because she's not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-eh-eah! Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.\nJudy Geller: How's the hired help?\nMonica Geller: Doing great, the quiches are coming along.\nJudy Geller: What's this? Blue nail polish?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I thought it was cute.\nJudy Geller: Ahh, that's what your Grandmother's hands looked like when we found her.\nMonica Geller: Let me ask you a question.\nJudy Geller: Hmm.\nMonica Geller: Why did you hire me?\nJudy Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you weren't sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Did you hear that? She hired me because she thinks I'm good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I didn't hear that.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, she didn't hire me out of pity, it wasn't so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks I'm good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! And hey, it's cool if you're a lesbian!\nThe Salesman: Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhhh.\nThe Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there.\nThe Salesman: Actually, I'm not buying. I'm selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though you're not really sure what they're talking about?\nRoss Geller: ...I'm telling you it's totally unconstituional.\nMonica Geller: ...I think he deserves a Nobel Prize.\nEveryone: Nooo!!\nChandler Bing: ...it was like the Algonquin kids table.\nThe Salesman: Excuse me, I'm sorry, you haven't said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all interested?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's weird.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Your nails.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I know, I never wear fake ones. I just did it so my Mom wouldn't give me grief about me biting them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no, I meant that it's weird that you only have nine now.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put... Oh my God! It's in the quiche! Oh My God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't panic. I'm gonna go to the store, I'm gonna get you another set of nails, no one's gonna know, and you're gonna look great. Oh! Oh, it's 'cause they're gonna eat-that's the problem.\nJudy Geller: Honey, don't bite your nails.\nMonica Geller: Okay ah, please don't freak out. Umm, but ah, there's a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and there's no way to know which one.\nPhoebe Buffay: And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!\nJudy Geller: I'm not freaking out.\nMonica Geller: Then why are you laughing?\nJudy Geller: It's nothing, it's just that now your Father owes me five dollars.\nMonica Geller: What? You bet I'd lose a nail?\nJudy Geller: Oh no, don't be silly. I just bet I'd need these.\nMonica Geller: Frozen lasagnas?\nJudy Geller: Um-hmm.\nMonica Geller: You bet that I'd screw up?! So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was...\nJudy Geller: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica.\nMonica Geller: You promised Dr. Weinburg, you'd never use that phrase.\nJudy Geller: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, you've never been able to laugh at yourself.\nMonica Geller: That's right. My Mom doesn't have any faith in me! Oh, that's hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't get it.\nJudy Geller: No, I have faith...\nMonica Geller: No! You have lasagnas!\nOven: Ding!\nPhoebe Buffay: Op, the ruined quiches are ready.\nChandler Bing: It just doesn't...feel like we're breaking up.\nJoanna: No, we are. I'm sad.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoanna: Yes. Uh, can't you wait until tomorrow? All right. Unbelievable!!\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nJoanna: No, no, that was my boss. I have to go.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoanna: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: I'm getting dressed.\nJoanna: Why?\nChandler Bing: When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.\nJoanna: Wait. I wanna show you something.\nChandler Bing: What is it?\nJoanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. Put your hands together.\nChandler Bing: Ah-ha, you're not the boss of me. Yeah, you are! Ooh, saucy.\nJoanna: I'll be back in ten minutes.\nChandler Bing: You are, you're gonna leave me like this?\nJoanna: Knowing you're here, waiting for me I think it's kinda exciting.\nChandler Bing: Okay. But if you don't come back soon, there's pretty much nothing I can do about it!\nJoanna: Oh.\nSophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!\nJoanna: Oh great! I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.\nRachel Green: That's weird, she locked the door.\nSophie: Y'know why? She's got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.\nRachel Green: Okay, swear you won't tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joanna's office. Do you wanna see the list?\nSophie: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Hi! How are you?\nChandler Bing: Hello, Joanna...'s office.\nJoanna: I'm really sorry but I may be a little while longer.\nChandler Bing: How little?!\nJoanna: A couple of hours, I feel awful.\nChandler Bing: Look, this isn't funny! You get back here right now!\nJoanna: I can't!!\nChandler Bing: Why not?!\nJoanna: I'm in my boss's car!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoanna: Uh-oh, tunnel.\nRachel Green: What?!\nChandler Bing: Rachel, could I see you for a moment?\nChandler Bing: Okay, here's the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.\nRachel Green: You promised you would break up with her!\nChandler Bing: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well!\nRachel Green: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!\nChandler Bing: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out.\nRachel Green: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can't get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and I'm cold, and\nRachel Green: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! You never see Joanna again!\nChandler Bing: Never!\nRachel Green: You never come into this office again!\nChandler Bing: Fine!\nRachel Green: You give me back my Walkman!\nChandler Bing: I-never borrowed your Walkman.\nRachel Green: Well, then I lost it. You buy me one!\nChandler Bing: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! Ahhh!\nRachel Green: Does it hurt?\nChandler Bing: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. Hello sweet pants!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?\nChandler Bing: About what?\nRachel Green: When she sees that you're gone, she's gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and I'm gonna get fired!\nChandler Bing: I'll make something up! I'm good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!\nRachel Green: No, there's nothing to make up, she's gonna know that I have a key to her office, I've got to get you locked up back the way you were!\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho-ho, I don't think so!\nChandler Bing: Well, this is much better.\nThe Salesman: So, here's somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?\nJoey Tribbiani: He cut off his ear.\nThe Salesman: And?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm out.\nThe Salesman: He painted that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! That's pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear 'cause he sucked. What else you got in there?\nThe Salesman: Let's see, ahhh... Where does the Pope live?\nJoey Tribbiani: In the woods. No wait-wait, that's the joke answer.\nThe Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?\nJoey Tribbiani: Spock's birth control.\nThe Salesman: You need these books.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: This used to be your room? Wow! You must've been in really good shape as a kid.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I actually thought she could change.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, who cares what your Mom thinks? So you pulled a Monica.\nMonica Geller: Oh good, I'm glad that's catching on.\nPhoebe Buffay: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and we'll call that pulling a Monica.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight A's, his parents would say, \"Yeah, he pulled a Monica.\" Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, \"Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica.\" Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, \"Yeah, that one's outta here.\" Though some things don't change.\nMonica Geller: All right, I'll go down there. But, I'm not gonna serve the lasagna. I'm gonna serve something I make.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! My breasts are really strong.\nRachel Green: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, she's very private about her office. Now I know why.\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, you're in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, she's gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.\nRachel Green: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?\nChandler Bing: It still wouldn't be clean. All I want is my freedom.\nRachel Green: Foot rubs for a month!\nChandler Bing: Freedom!\nRachel Green: I'll take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!\nChandler Bing: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why won't you here me?! Sophie, help me! Help me!!\nRachel Green: Sophie sit!!\nRachel Green: No! God, would you just calm down!\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna say this for the last time. Would you please just...\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! There's a lot I didn't know about vomit. In a minute.\nThe Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!\nJoey Tribbiani: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? I'm home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learnin'.\nThe Salesman: Well ah, what can you swing?\nJoey Tribbiani: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?\nThe Salesman: You don't have, anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna see what I got? Okay? I've got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!\nThe Salesman: Okay, I-I get the picture. Uh, thanks, for your time.\nJoey Tribbiani: And a 50. Huh, these must be Chandler's pants.\nThe Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I-I think I'm gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.\nRachel Green: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.\nChandler Bing: No!\nRachel Green: I ah... Oh! I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning!\nChandler Bing: With extra pulp?\nRachel Green: Yeah!!\nChandler Bing: No!\nRachel Green: D'oh!! I've got it!\nChandler Bing: You don't have it.\nRachel Green: I have so got it. There's gonna be rumours about this, there's no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.\nChandler Bing: How do Monica and Phoebe know?\nRachel Green: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous or very stingy.\nChandler Bing: Go on.\nRachel Green: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.\nChandler Bing: And Milton Berle has a...\nRachel Green: Ohh, not compared to you.\nMonica Geller: Well?\nPhoebe Buffay: They're not even touching the lasagna!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, they love your casserole.\nMonica Geller: Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.\nJudy Geller: Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.\nMonica Geller: And you?\nJudy Geller: I thought it was... quite tasty.\nMonica Geller: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you...\nJudy Geller: A bitch?\nMonica Geller: Well, I was going for wrong, but we can use your word.\nJudy Geller: Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really impressed me today.\nMonica Geller: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. She doesn't know we switched it.\nJudy Geller: And the next time you cater for me, there will be nothing but ice in the freezer.\nMonica Geller: That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, don't bite your nails.\nChandler Bing: Hello.\nMonica Geller: Hello, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I love you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wh-what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: No he doesn't!\nChandler Bing: Two hours, that lasted!\nRachel Green: So did you break up with Joanna?\nChandler Bing: I think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it's good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.\nRoss Geller: The volcano?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation.\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.\nMonica Geller: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War?\nEveryone: Oh, yeah. Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, Korea is such a beautiful country.\nRoss Geller: With such a sad history.\nChandler Bing: Could there be more Kims?\nJoanna: Who's out there?\nRachel Green: It's me! Good morning!\nJoanna: Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didn't have poppy seed bagels, so I... Oh my word!\nJoanna: I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please get the key off the back of the door for me.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah! Yeah!\nJoanna: You tell your friend Chandler that we're definately broken up this time.\nRachel Green: Okay."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hey! New wallet, huh?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesn't say 'cool' anymore.\nMonica Geller: Rachel!\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.\nMonica Geller: Have you ever taken out the trash?\nRachel Green: Well, I thought you liked doing it.\nMonica Geller: Third door on the left.\nRachel Green: Right!\nRachel Green: Oh! Hey, Mr. Treeger.\nMr. Treeger: Hey.\nMr. Treeger: What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Ummm. Oh! I'm sorry. It's a little old but...\nMr. Treeger: No! You're clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I didn't-I don't come in here a lot.\nMr. Treeger: Oh yeah, of course you don't!\nRachel Green: No.\nMr. Treeger: 'Cause you're a little princess! \"Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of Cats sing Happy Birthday to me...\"\nRachel Green: I didn't... I never said that.\nMr. Treeger: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why don't think of someone else for a change?\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: God! If you're gonna cry about it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?\nRachel Green: Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.\nMonica Geller: Joey, please don't do that. I think it's best that we just forget about it.\nRachel Green: That's easy for you to say, you weren't almost just killed.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right that's it, school is in session!\nMonica Geller: My God! Is this a gym card?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last 1200 times.\nRoss Geller: So why don't you quit?\nChandler Bing: You don't think I've tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.\nRoss Geller: Who is Maria?\nChandler Bing: Oh Maria. You can't say no to her, she's like this lycra spandex covered gym...treat.\nRoss Geller: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?\nChandler Bing: No!\nRoss Geller: So you're strong enough to face her on your own?\nChandler Bing: Oh no, you'll have to come.\nMr. Treeger: Tribbiani! Hold on, I'll get the plunger.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, you're gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.\nMr. Treeger: And tell him what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.\nMr. Treeger: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!\nJoey Tribbiani: I have actually not heard of that.\nMr. Treeger: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. I've been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I don't need this grief. I'm gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmother's apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't you tell me something I don't know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh please, somebody tell me I don't have to go to work today!\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that I'm not allowed to charge for.\nMonica Geller: So do them for free.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And it's against my oath as a masseuse.\nRoss Geller: They make you take an oath?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that one's actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.\nChandler Bing: Why don't you just give him to somebody else?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I can handle it. No, I'm a professional.\nRachel Green: Oh Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet?\nMonica Geller: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.\nChandler Bing: Because that's the only part of you he can see when he's on the table!\nMonica Geller: You're gonna do some feet flirtin'!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't what your talking about.\nRoss Geller: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because it's Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!\nRachel Green: Oh! My hero! What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that he'd better come up here and apologize. I'll see you later.\nMonica Geller: What a minute, what did he say?\nJoey Tribbiani: He said that he wasn't gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what he's gonna do is have you evicted-I'll see you later.\nRachel Green: What?! You got us evicted!!\nMonica Geller: I told you not to go down there!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well he made Rachel cry!\nMonica Geller: Rachel always cries!\nRachel Green: That's not true!\nMonica Geller: Now Joey, you go down there and you suck up to him. I mean you suck like you've never sucked before!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! I'll try! But if I can't, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.\nRachel Green: Go!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right, all right. I mean I'll have to check with him first, but I'll think he'll be cool with it.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes!\nRoss Geller: One more time, \"Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?\"\nChandler Bing: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!\nRoss Geller: Good! That's good!\nChandler Bing: Okay. I wanna quit the gym.\nGym Employee: You wanna quit?\nChandler Bing: I wanna quit the gym.\nGym Employee: You do realize that you won't have access to our new full service Swedish spa.\nChandler Bing: I wanna quit the gym.\nGym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. Uh, excuse me, are you a member?\nRoss Geller: Me? No.\nGym Employee: Sorry, members only.\nChandler Bing: I wanna quit the gym.\nRoss Geller: It's okay man, be strong.\nGym Employee: So, are you a member of any gym.\nRoss Geller: No! And I'm not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.\nGym Employee: Okay, no problem. Could you come here for a second?\nWoman: Hi, I'm Maria.\nRick Sanoven: Wow, you have really pretty feet.\nPhoebe Buffay: These old things.\nRick Sanoven: Would you mind spending some time on my siadic area, it's been killing me today.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean the-Okay by siadic, you mean the towel covered portion.\nRick Sanoven: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in the siadic area can get y'know, real nice and tight. So umm, tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.\nRick Sanoven: Oh, a 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRick Sanoven: Ow! Did you just bite me?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nMr. Treeger: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Please don't kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasn't there fault, it was mine.\nMr. Treeger: You want me to kick you guys out instead?\nJoey Tribbiani: No you can't do that, where would the chick and the duck live?\nMr. Treeger: You have pets!\nJoey Tribbiani: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.\nMr. Treeger: Huh, I would've thought it was the other way around.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, I'll do whatever you want.\nMr. Treeger: Really? You'll do anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, absolutely.\nMr. Treeger: Yeah, I've got something you can do.\nJoey Tribbiani: What, what is it?\nMr. Treeger: Can you be my dancing partner?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not, prison lingo, is it?\nMonica Geller: His dancing partner?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, there's this superintendent's dance, the Super Ball. I don't know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that he's a crush on.\nRachel Green: Well, why doesn't he practice with a girl?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he's too shy, he doesn't thing he's good enough to dance with girls yet.\nRachel Green: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that...garbage chute.\nMonica Geller: Oh, would you let it go already?! You're fine!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey! So, did you quit?\nChandler Bing: No, I almost did, couldn't leave Ross there without a spotter!\nMonica Geller: Wait, now so you joined the gym?\nRoss Geller: And that's funny, why?\nRachel Green: Oh, umm, I was just y'know working out and umm... Oh, that's it.\nChandler Bing: We're doomed. Okay, they're gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?\nMonica Geller: Well, you could actually go to the gym.\nRoss Geller: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.\nChandler Bing: You're a genius!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, man, now we won't be bank buddies!\nChandler Bing: Now, there's two reasons.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.\nRachel Green: Where?!\nPhoebe Buffay: On the touchy.\nRoss Geller: And that's not against your oath?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know! I-I'm sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.\nMonica Geller: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when I'm doing something exciting and I don't wanna get too excited, I just ahh, y'know try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Thank you, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm here, let's ahh, get this over with.\nMr. Treeger: Okay ahh, well, just ahh, follow my lead.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, don't we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?\nMr. Treeger: Look come on, eh, just ah, just ah, put your arms around me, eh.\nMr. Treeger: Ahhhh! I'm sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's okay, but if I'm Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.\nMr. Treeger: Ahh, forget it! I'll never be any good at this, my mom was right, I'm just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man, you're not a potato.\nMr. Treeger: I'm sure as hell a dancer, it's no use Marge will never go for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Treeger, don't say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, let's ahh, let's try it again. Come on. Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, y'know, I'm not really that comfortable dancing with a- We-he!! Hey!\nMr. Treeger: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Hey-hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time.\nRachel Green: What was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: You just did a little dancy thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: No I didn't.\nMonica Geller: Yes you did! You did like a little hop.\nRachel Green: You are soo enjoying this.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm not! And it wasn't a hop it was a pademarie.\nMonica Geller: You know the words! You are so into this!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, well maybe I'm enjoying it a little bit. I mean I'm getting pretty good at it.\nRachel Green: Ooh, this is soo sweet, Joey our little twinkle-toes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, hold on, this isn't some kind of like girly dance. All right, it's like a sport, it's manly!\nMonica Geller: All right, then show me some manly moves.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know how to lead.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nRoss Geller: We'd like to close our accounts.\nBank Officer: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?\nRoss Geller: No-no.\nChandler Bing: No, we'd just like to close them.\nBank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. Would you come over here please?\nMs. Lambert: Hi, I'm Karen.\nChandler Bing: I wanna quit the bank!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little... Oh no-wait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Rick's pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, that's working.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler's knees. Chandler's... ankles. Chandler's ankle hair. Oh no. Okay, you're all set.\nRick Sanoven: Oh wow! That was amazing, was that really just an hour?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! In... really long hour world.\nRick Sanoven: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because you're a client, I can't ask you out, even though you give me y'know, the feeling.\nRick Sanoven: Wow! I had no idea! But you know, I could always find another masseuse.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nRick Sanoven: Yeah, really.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRick Sanoven: Suddenly, I very aware that I'm naked.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, quit down.\nMrs. Potter: Mr. Simon's been waiting for- Oh my God!\nMr. Simon: Why wasn't I offered that? I'd definitely pay more for that.\nMrs. Potter: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isn't that kind of place.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isn't what it looks like, 'cause Rick is my ahh, husband.\nMrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then you'd better tell his other wife, 'cause she called three times asking where he is.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, I will tell her.\nMonica Geller: So you didn't leave the bank?\nRoss Geller: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.\nRachel Green: What are you ever gonna use that for?!\nChandler Bing: To pay for the gym.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRachel Green: You got fired?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my Gosh!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!\nRachel Green: Sweety...\nPhoebe Buffay: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y'know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. It's been a really bad day, whore wise.\nMr. Treeger: Hey Duck, is Chick here?\nChandler Bing: Yeah... Bunny-rabbit.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you ah, ready for our last practice?\nMr. Treeger: Yeah, but y'know, I think the reason we're not getting that spin right is because my apartment's too small.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, you wanna use our place?\nMr. Treeger: No, I ahh, had another idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: We did it!!\nMr. Treeger: I know, we did it!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.\nMr. Treeger: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, . Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, okay, good luck.\nMr. Treeger: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?\nMr. Treeger: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think I'm ready to dance with girls.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMr. Treeger: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Go get 'em Treeger.\nMr. Treeger: Right. Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nMr. Treeger: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, she's the same size as me.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm good.\nInterviewer: So it looks like you've got some great experience here. Let's see ahh, reason for leaving last job?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, they thought I was a whore.\nInterviewer: Okay, we'll give a call if anything comes up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Thank you very much."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but... Whoa! Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nGunther: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nGunther: When's your birthday?\nRachel Green: May fifth, why?\nGunther: Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.\nRoss Geller: Oh, mine's December...\nGunther: Yeah, whatever.\nChandler Bing: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty-she's pretty.\nMonica Geller: Just go up to her and ask her out. Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?\nChandler Bing: I could die.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's-it's tough being single. That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.\nRachel Green: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.\nChandler Bing: I tell people secrets. It makes them like me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! You're sick, you shouldn't play. You should just go home, get in bed, and stay there.\nPhoebe Buffay: But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. Pretty, huh?\nChandler Bing: All right, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get shot down. Any advice?\nMonica Geller: Just be yourself. But, not too much.\nChandler Bing: Wish me luck.\nRoss Geller: Good luck!\nChandler Bing: Wish it! Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?\nKathy: No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Kathy.\nChandler Bing: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?\nKathy: With a K.\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh-hey!\nKathy: Wow! You are really good at this.\nChandler Bing: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.\nKathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. Oh, and there he is now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Hey, hey-hey, hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I see you guys already met, huh?\nChandler Bing: Yes-yes, I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth.\nJoey Tribbiani: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? This chick sounds good. Smelly cat, smelly- Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nKathy: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.\nKathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! That's why I got up too!\nKathy: You're kidding! Oh, I love him.\nChandler Bing: Hey, listen, I'm sorry about this afternoon, y'know, if I would've known you guys were... I never would've...\nKathy: Oh please!\nChandler Bing: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.\nKathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.\nChandler Bing: That's a good thing actually, because ah, he used to have me rehearse with him.\nKathy: Oh-oh-oh-oh!\nChandler Bing: Is it on?\nKathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nKathy: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Oh! It's on! It's on!\nChandler Bing: There we go little fella.\nKathy: What about the duck?\nChandler Bing: Well the duck can swim.\nKathy: Oh, jeez.\nPhoebe Buffay: My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.\nEveryone: Way to go, Phoebe!\nMonica Geller: That cold makes you sound so great.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's fun, God I love how sexy I am.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Kath, we should get going. We're going to by hamsters.\nEveryone: Ooh, that's great, I love those little guys.\nKathy: No, no, it's not like that. I, I work for a medical researcher.\nRachel Green: Well, have fun!\nKathy: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think it's great that the medical community is finally trying to help sick hamsters.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, I like Kathy.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, me too, she's so cool and pretty.\nRachel Green: Yeah, she's...\nChandler Bing: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about-what?\nRachel Green: You love her.\nChandler Bing: No, I don't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, you do. Chandler loves Kathy.\nRoss Geller: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.\nChandler Bing: Thank you, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, he's a little sensitive right now, `cause he's so in love.\nChandler Bing: All right.\nEveryone: Ohh!\nChandler Bing: All right.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, umm, oh Kathy! Kathy, I love you! Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.\nMonica Geller: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, I could write about the time my hair did that \"Woo-hoo\" thing.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRoss Geller: So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!\nMonica Geller: Rachel's not here.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nMonica Geller: How's it going with her?\nRoss Geller: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little \"playing\" ourselves.\nRachel Green: Hi guys! This is Josh. Josh, these are my friends, and that's Ross.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Josh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nJoshua Burgin: Dudes.\nMonica Geller: So, did you play in college? sweatshirt he's wearing.)\nJoshua Burgin: Oh, I still do. Next year, I hope to make varsity though.\nRachel Green: Ross, didn't you ah, play soccer in High School? Oh no wait, that's right. You just organized their game schedules on your Commodore 64.\nJoshua Burgin: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.\nRachel Green: Okay. I'll miss you.\nJoshua Burgin: Dope!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, cute one!\nMonica Geller: Very!\nRachel Green: I know, isn't he great? It's so nice to finally be in a fun relationship, y'know? There's nothing boring about him, and ah, I bet he's never set foot in a museum.\nRoss Geller: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.\nRachel Green: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?\nRoss Geller: Oh!\nRachel Green: What was that?\nRoss Geller: Monica knows.\nMonica Geller: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up `cause he was trying to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger, without actually having to give it. I remember I cried the night you made it up, `cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I should go to, `cause I'm playing in one hour. Hey, you guys should come hear me, ooh hear me. Ooh, My sticky shoes-eww! Eww! I lost my sexy phlegm!\nAmanda (Ross' date): Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nAmanda (Ross' date): Hi Ben!\nRoss Geller: Wow! You-you look great!\nAmanda (Ross' date): Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Hey Tommy.\nAmanda (Ross' date): I am so glad that you could come over tonight.\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no-no, it's my pleasure.\nAmanda (Ross' date): Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.\nRoss Geller: What?\nAmanda (Ross' date): I appreciate this soo much, I've been trying to go out with this guy for like a month.\nRoss Geller: I-I-I...\nAmanda (Ross' date): Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime.\nRoss Geller: Who wants to make some long distance calls?\nChandler Bing: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! Fetch! Fetch it! Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! Kathy.\nKathy: Hey, Chandler! What are you doing here?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I just wanted to say, \"Hey!\"\nKathy: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh come on! You're making it sound worse than it actually was.\nRoss Geller: Her date tipped me ten dollars.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I wanna be sexy again so I'm trying to catch a cold. It should be easy, supposedly they're pretty common.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia.\nChandler Bing: Okay. You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!\nChandler Bing: I don't know. I can't-I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!\nMonica Geller: Oh gosh, Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean you stole it! Don't cover your mouth when you do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nKathy: We were just talking about you.\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.\nChandler Bing: Right in there!\nChandler Bing: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! All right, let's go over the concept one more time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys. Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?\nChandler Bing: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's 4:30.\nChandler Bing: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I see what's going on here.\nChandler Bing: You-you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You don't like Kathy.\nChandler Bing: You got me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good, and hey! My treat. But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Ross isn't here.\nRachel Green: Oh. Stop it!\nJoshua Burgin: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!\nRachel Green: Yeah! I am soo gonna marry that guy. Ohhh!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I think he's stealing from me.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nRachel Green: Because he's stealing from me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! It's me. And soup. Hey, I just saw Josh, he looks so yummy in your leather jacket.\nRachel Green: Ughh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.\nMonica Geller: Thank you so much Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing with those?!\nPhoebe Buffay: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.\nMonica Geller: Sorry, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay. How's the soup?\nMonica Geller: Umm.\nMonica Geller: Ohhhh!! Gross!!\nKathy: Ohh, God, guys, check it out, you can see that girl's underwear!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is she great or what?\nKathy: So? Huh? What do you think?\nChandler Bing: Ohh, she's-she's not really my type.\nKathy: Not your type?! She's gorgeous!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.\nKathy: Okay. Understanding a little more why you're single. Ohh! Y'know, I have a friend you would like, she's really pretty. And then we could double date!\nChandler Bing: Uhh, no-no thanks.\nKathy: Okay, I've got some ugly friends, and they're all available too.\nChandler Bing: Listen, I-I'm gonna grab a beer.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll be right back. What was that?\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Kathy was being really nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, what do you want from me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.\nChandler Bing: I am pretending.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well then, do it better!\nChandler Bing: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that's pretty good. But you might wanna tone it down a little.\nRoss Geller: Hey! So, uhh, Amanda just-just dropped me off. Yeah, that's one of the things I love about her, she's...uh, she's old enough to drive. So uhh, I guess you're not going to mom and dad's tonight?\nMonica Geller: No, sorry.\nRachel Green: Well where's Amanda?\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, could you get me some cough drops?\nRachel Green: I mean y'know, I'm thinking. You could bring her, and you guys could go up to your old room, and not make out.\nMonica Geller: Ross, cough drops, please?\nRoss Geller: At least I know she's not going out with me to get into R rated movies.\nRachel Green: Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute you can't, I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian.\nRoss Geller: You see Amanda and I have a very special...\nMonica Geller: You have nothing! You're not even going out! You're her baby sitter! You have a 12-year-old girl's job!\nRachel Green: Ohh, that is soo sad.\nMonica Geller: And what are you laughing at, Miss `My-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me!'\nRachel Green: Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me! At least he bought me something with it!\nMonica Geller: That's mine!! Now, would you both please start acting like adults? And get me my cough drops!\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nRachel Green: Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Here. At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.\nRachel Green: Y'know...\nPhoebe Buffay: Platting goats are platting. Platting down the street. Platting goats are platting, leaving little treats. Does it even work without my sexy voice?\nGunther: I like it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Gunther, kiss me.\nGunther: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?\nChandler Bing: Can I sleep on your couch?\nPhoebe Buffay: And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.\nGunther: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nGunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_\nRachel Green: No!\nGunther: Well, we kissed. I-I-I didn't initiate the kiss, but-but I also didn't stop it, and I've been feeling guilty.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nGunther: So umm, are we cool?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nGunther: I knew you'd understand."}
{"text": "Cheryl: So, thank you for the delicious dinner.\nRoss Geller: You're welcome for a delicious dinner.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey what are you guys looking at?\nChandler Bing: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, come to papa.\nRoss Geller: I know!\nMonica Geller: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?\nChandler Bing: Where did you, when did you, how did you... How did you get a girl like that?\nRachel Green: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?\nRoss Geller: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.\nRoss Geller: I've seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we're going out again tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.\nRoss Geller: Fine by me; hope she wins.\nChandler Bing: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?\nChandler Bing: Phebes, it was your birthday, like, months ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?\nChandler Bing: Well, I have a call in about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Kay.\nChandler Bing: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.\nRachel Green: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!\nChandler Bing: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.\nRachel Green: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?\nChandler Bing: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.\nRachel Green: Oh, honey, that's so sweet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and what a great way to say, \"I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!\"\nChandler Bing: It doesn't say that. Does it?\nRoss Geller: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?\nChandler Bing: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's gotta be better than that book. Oo! Like a crossbow!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! What happened?\nMonica Geller: Sixty guests.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down?\nMonica Geller: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?\nMonica Geller: I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!\nMonica Geller: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! It's worth it, if it will get you moving. You haven't worked in months.\nMonica Geller: Well, you're not working either.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, but I'm doing this.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, that'd be great! Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey.\nKathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: You can pee here!\nKathy: Ahahaha... haha.. yes I can, of course. Excuse me.\nChandler Bing: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?\nJoey Tribbiani: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?\nEveryone: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I know...\nRachel Green: And not one of your coupons for an hour of \"Joey Love.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooo, a crossword! Can I help?\nRachel Green: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine. But you can't help me develop my new universal language.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, how'd it go?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrow-the dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mon! I'm so happy for you!\nMonica Geller: Thanks. Like, check out my new catering stuff. Look at this! I'm an omelet station! Omelet? Made to order!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But look-I've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Okay. Oo, sorry I acted like a bank.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Huh...\nCheryl: Um, would you like to come in?\nRoss Geller: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?\nCheryl: According to recent findings!\nCheryl: Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi!\nRoss Geller: Mitzi is...\nCheryl: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat.\nRoss Geller: Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh ...do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?\nCheryl: What?\nRoss Geller: Well, I do! Why don't we go back to my place, light a couple of candles, break open a box of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties, uh...\nCheryl: I'd rather not.\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, why not?\nCheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.\nMonica Geller: Oh, is everything in the car?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Did you settle the bill?\nMonica Geller: No. I hate this part.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look what we almost left.\nMonica Geller: No, that's not mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, all right. Oh! Look what we almost took!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.\nMrs. Burkart: Oh, good. Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...\nMrs. Burkart: Dear?\nMonica Geller: Just the matter of ...payment?\nMrs. Burkart: Jack used to handle the finances!\nRachel Green: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.\nChandler Bing: Sure...\nRachel Green: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?\nChandler Bing: I don't know... um, Grease?\nRachel Green: No...\nChandler Bing: Rent?\nRachel Green: Yes! Rent!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so when do you want to go?\nRachel Green: What? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm busy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.\nChandler Bing: Yes, it is, at Office Max.\nRachel Green: What did you get her?\nChandler Bing: A pen.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh?\nChandler Bing: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!\nRachel Green: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over... \"Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!\"\nChandler Bing: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday?\nJoey Tribbiani: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.\nChandler Bing: For three years?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...\nChandler Bing: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?\nChandler Bing: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?\nJoey Tribbiani: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it.\nPhoebe Buffay: But Mon, you have to get our money!\nMonica Geller: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, \"that massage wasn't long enough, or, \"I don't recognize any of those songs,\" or, you know, \"these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!\"\nMonica Geller: Okay. So what do you... you think she's faking?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, she sounded pretty upset to me.\nMrs. Burkart: You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave...\nPhoebe Buffay: She seems fine now.\nMrs. Burkart: ...emblem of the land I love. The home of...\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you just left? Her place was really that bad?\nRoss Geller: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! Here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow. Thanks. So, uh, what happened?\nRoss Geller: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, so... next time, you take her to your place.\nRoss Geller: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell.\nJoey Tribbiani: What kind of smell?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. Soap?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, listen, Ross... you like this girl, right?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna see her again, right?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay you're right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I mean, uh, who... who cares about a little sloppiness?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: It's, uh... it's endearing, really.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! Oink!\nChandler Bing: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.\nRachel Green: Any luck?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called \"Invisible things for Kathy.\" Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?\nRachel Green: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.\nChandler Bing: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.\nRachel Green: Aw, honey, that's so sweet.\nChandler Bing: Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic?\nRachel Green: Oh! Pathetic!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!\nChandler Bing: Where?\nJoey Tribbiani: Our place, the hall! I...\nChandler Bing: I got something for her. It's a book!\nJoey Tribbiani: A book? Is it like a book that's also a safe?\nChandler Bing: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?\nChandler Bing: No, it came out to an even twenty.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.\nMrs. Burkart: Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes?\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't get the money, did you?\nMonica Geller: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! Hey, widow?\nMrs. Burkart: Come on along and listen to...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Widow!\nMrs. Burkart: ...the lullabye of...\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me. Excuse me! Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.\nMrs. Burkart: All right. I'll get my bag.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna leave some cards here. Please think of us for you next event.\nCheryl: So you want to come inside?\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes I do.\nCheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.\nCheryl: Guess who?\nRoss Geller: Department of Sanitation?\nCheryl: It's me!\nRoss Geller: Oh! Ah. Aw!\nCheryl: What?\nRoss Geller: Ah, Cheryl!\nCheryl: Oh, Ross!\nCheryl: Wait! No! No! It's my hamster! It's Mitzi!\nRoss Geller: Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Cheryl. I must have freaked out.\nCheryl: Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.\nRachel Green: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!\nGunther: Move!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh... yay!\nRachel Green: Thanks!\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's great! Congratulations!\nRachel Green: Thank you! Hey, how'd the catering go?\nMonica Geller: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I'm a hard ass.\nMonica Geller: And I'm a wuss. And we should be partners.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nMonica Geller: I can cook and you can take care of the money.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!\nBoth: Aah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? That's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, I feel kinda bad taking credit for this, because man, am I gonna get a lot of credit for this!\nChandler Bing: Aahhuuhhh...\nKathy: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Happy birthday.\nKathy: Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, uh... Chandler got you a gift, too.\nChandler Bing: No he didn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!\nChandler Bing: Happy birthday! I'm sorry.\nKathy: You really didn't have to. Wow.\nChandler Bing: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.\nKathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. .\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah... yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah. Hm. Wanna go to bed?\nKathy: I'll be in in a minute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. .\nChandler Bing: Goodnight.\nKathy: Um, thank you for the gift.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.\nKathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.\nChandler Bing: Uh, the book?\nKathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.\nChandler Bing: What do you mean?\nKathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, \"This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese.\" Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.\nChandler Bing: Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, \"Uhl, ell.\"\nKathy: You must really like... Joey... to go to all that trouble for him.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend.\nKathy: Well...\nChandler Bing: Goodnight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that coupon expires, you know.\nMonica Geller: Hi. Uh, you... you don't know me, I'm Monica Geller... Ross's sister.\nCheryl: Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, that's too bad that didn't work out.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?\nMonica Geller: No?"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!\nRoss Geller: Y'know if we ever go to war and you're captured, you're in for a big surprise.\nChandler Bing: It just keeps getting worse and worse! Y'know? I mean it's bad enough that I'm in love with my roommates girlfriend-which by the way, I think she knows. Because every time we're in the room together there's this weird like energy between us. And call me crazy, but I think she likes me too. And now I have seen her naked. I mean at least when I've seen her with clothes on, I could imagine her body was like covered in boles or something. But there are no boles, she's smooth! Smooth!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Could everyone totally see up his robe?\nEveryone: Yeah! Oh my God!\nCasey: Here you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! All right, so I'll call you later.\nCasey: Great!\nChandler Bing: Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: That would be Casey. We're going out tonight.\nChandler Bing: Goin' out, huh? Wow! Wow! So things didn't work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, things are fine with Kathy. I'm having a late dinner with her tonight, right after my early dinner with Casey.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah. And the craziest thing is that I just ate a whole pizza by myself!\nChandler Bing: Wait! You're going out with Kathy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Why are you getting so upset?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm upset-for you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is the big deal? It's not like we're exclusive.\nChandler Bing: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that she's-she's smart, and funny, and gets you.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got all that from the back of her head?\nChandler Bing: All right look, I think it's time for you to settle down. Y'know? Make a choice, pick a lane.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's Elaine?\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Little, tiny Tarzan, swinging on a nose hair. Swinging with the greatest of ease...\" Darn it! Now, I don't know who to get to the next verse.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you could just go uh, \"greatest of ease... BAH-bah-bha-bhannn.\" Then go right into it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, ooh, I like that! Yeah. Wait! How do you know about 'bah-bah-bha-bhan?'\nRoss Geller: Well umm, y'know, I used to play.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, that's right, the keyboards, huh?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean that's-that's when I really found my sound.\nMonica Geller: Oh God! Orange juice just came out of my nose, but it was totally worth it. Oh my God, I completely forgot about your sound.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, \"The Sound.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: I wanna hear \"The Sound.\"\nRoss Geller: Really? No. I mean, nah, I haven't played in so long, and-and, well it's-it's really personal stuff, y'know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, play that funky music white boy.\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up in-No, yeah, okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay, guys.\nChandler Bing: All right! Bring it on, you...\nRoss Geller: Here we go. Y'know, I've-I've never played my stuff for anyone before, so it's important that-that you understand it's about communicating very private emotions. Y'know, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. That's what I'm...\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! Play!\nMonica Geller: Boy, that was-that was, umm... terrific.\nChandler Bing: Really, bitchin'!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, it was so-wow!\nRoss Geller: Really?! I mean, really?!!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I mean, you should play in public!\nRoss Geller: Wow! Thanks, you guys. That's uh-ohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. I'll be right back! Okay? This is so nice, I'm-I am so...\nMonica Geller: Oh God bless my dad sound proofing the basement!\nRachel Green: Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus it's just, it's so different from the stuff you usually hear.\nChandler Bing: You mean like, music?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.\nChandler Bing: Come in!\nKathy: Hey! Oh God, is that Baywatch?\nChandler Bing: Uh yes, but uh, I just watch it for the articles.\nKathy: So is Joey around?\nChandler Bing: No-no, he's not back yet, but he'll be here any minute. So uh, come on in. Have a seat. Bow or stern?\nKathy: I uh, don't really have a preference. You?\nChandler Bing: I like it in the stern. ...of the boat. Hello.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.\nChandler Bing: What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: We broke down on the Parkway, so I have to walk back and get some transmission fluid. And hey, listen could you please tell Kathy that I'll be there as soon as I can.\nChandler Bing: Why can't you tell her?\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to-\nChandler Bing: Joey! Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: I thought your time ran out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more-\nChandler Bing: Uhh, that was Joey. He's running a little late, he says he's sorry.\nKathy: Oh.\nChandler Bing: So I guess it's just uh, you and me then.\nKathy: Oh, okay.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I think it is!\nKathy: So what did you do today?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I had an appointment to get my haircut...\nKathy: Oh, it looks great!\nChandler Bing: ...and then it got canceled.\nKathy: Well, I could cut it.\nChandler Bing: Really?! You do that?\nKathy: Yeah, I do. Of course, I learned at my aunt's dog grooming shop, but hey, what do you say?\nChandler Bing: Dog grooming huh? Okay, just don't make my tail too poofy.\nKathy: You have really great hair.\nChandler Bing: Well, thanks. I grow it myself. Y'know who also has great hair is Joey!\nKathy: Yes! Yeah! Joey has great hair! Umm, I'm basically done here. Just let me get this off your neck.\nChandler Bing: What-what 'cha doin'?\nKathy: Checking to see if it's even.\nChandler Bing: 'Kay.\nKathy: Looks good.\nChandler Bing: Oh the phone! The phone's making sounds! Hello!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey dude, it's me.\nChandler Bing: Hey it's Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen uh, I'm really sorry, it looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasn't there!\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it must've fallen out a few blocks back. I just figured we hit a dog.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen uh, could you put Kathy on, I wanna apologize.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah man. Joey.\nKathy: Hey. Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. Yeah-no, stop apologizing, it's okay. Yeah! I'll talk to you tomorrow. I should uh, probably go.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Yes! Yeah.\nKathy: I forgot my purse.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nKathy: No, I really did forget my purse.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no, this is bad! It's bad! This is bad!\nKathy: Horrible!\nChandler Bing: Wait the uh, the kiss or the situation?\nKathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nKathy: No, but that's bad!\nChandler Bing: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Here's what we do, we-we forget it happened.\nKathy: What?!\nChandler Bing: Okay, we-we swallow our feelings. Even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?\nKathy: Can you really do that?\nChandler Bing: I have to; he's my best friend, and you're seeing him.\nKathy: Chandler, I like Joey a lot, but with you...\nChandler Bing: Oh-no-no-no! Don't! Don't! See-see, you're getting me confused, I'm starting to urn.\nKathy: I'm sorry. If you wanna pretend that nothing happened, I can try.\nChandler Bing: I-I think we have too.\nKathy: Okay. Bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye. Are you still out there?\nKathy: No.\nRoss Geller: Electrifying. Emphatic time-time-time...\nMonica Geller: Y'know, there's a Starbucks about three blocks down.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!\nRoss Geller: Thank you guys-guys-guys...\nMonica Geller: Hey, aren't you up next?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, I'm not playing tonight.\nRachel Green: Why not?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't follow Ross! It'd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, Ross sucks!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Umm, Phoebe, you suck too.\nRachel Green: Yeah, Phoebe you're... awful!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys. You suck too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww man! I can't believe I locked myself out again!\nChandler Bing: Hang on buddy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! What happened here? Did you do all this?\nChandler Bing: I sure did.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nChandler Bing: Well, I just thought it'd make me feel good to do something nice for my friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you're amazing.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing.\nJoey Tribbiani: A TV as if it appears from nowhere! That's the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know I'm 29. I mean who needs a savings account.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you are the best friends anyone has ever had.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-no-no-no, you are! You do this, you give me the great advice, and hey listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday about focusing on one woman, I'm gonna do that.\nChandler Bing: You mean with Casey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, I think I'm gonna see how things go with Kathy. She's pretty cool.\nChandler Bing: Or Casey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, Kathy.\nChandler Bing: Could be Casey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No, Kathy.\nChandler Bing: Consider Casey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what I think? I think somebody's got a little crush on Casey. How 'bout I fix you two up? What do you think?\nChandler Bing: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! You were really great! You were really, really great!\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you don't want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, kinda. Yeah. Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I-I can't-I mean y'know I was trying to be really y'know okay and upbeat about it, I just-I feel so dwarfed by your musical gift. I...\nRoss Geller: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Y'know my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I... I won't play anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no. No-no-no, don't do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay.\nRoss Geller: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Joey has the best boyfriend ever!\nChandler Bing: I kissed Kathy.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Does Joey know?\nChandler Bing: No. Is there anyway, anyway you think he'll understand this?\nMonica Geller: You obviously haven't screwed over a lot of your friends. Which we all appreciate.\nRoss Geller: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just would've just stepped aside.\nChandler Bing: Oh, don't say that! Don't say that. That's not true. Is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think maybe, yeah.\nMonica Geller: He loves you.\nChandler Bing: Then why didn't you tell me to do that?!!\nRoss Geller: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! No, that's right. And I thought it was a really good idea.\nRachel Green: I know, I remember that!\nMonica Geller: I remember you did.\nChandler Bing: God!! What am I gonna do?!\nRachel Green: Well, Chandler, you're gonna have to tell him.\nChandler Bing: Why?! Why do I have to tell him?!\nRachel Green: Because you do.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know.\nRoss Geller: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Samboucha Margarita?\nChandler Bing: Is that a real thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we only had samboucha, so it is now.\nChandler Bing: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's up?\nChandler Bing: It's-it's about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.\nJoey Tribbiani: You do?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you're timing couldn't be better. She's not my girlfriend anymore.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she broke up with me.\nChandler Bing: Oh uh, when?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just now, after acting class. At first I thought she was doing some kind of scene, that's why I let people watch.\nChandler Bing: Oh man, I am so sorry. Are, are you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I've been better. But, I'm all right. So you like her huh?\nChandler Bing: Yes, but I-I uh, don't have too.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, no it's uh, it's okay.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. You know why? 'Cause you came to me first.\nChandler Bing: Well, I thought that would be the best thing to do.\nJoey Tribbiani: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have you're work cut out for you. 'Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that she's into some other guy. So...\nChandler Bing: See uh, that's-that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who?\nChandler Bing: It's me. I'm the other guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and...\nJoey Tribbiani: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!\nChandler Bing: No! No! No! I just kissed her.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!! That's even worse!!\nChandler Bing: How is that worse?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! But it's the same!\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm sorry! But there's nothing I can do, I think I'm in love with her!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who cares?! You went behind my back! I would never do that to you!\nChandler Bing: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.\nJoey Tribbiani: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes! Right! And I feel horrible. You have to believe me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! Well, y'know what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and there's a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that I'm not gonna eat! You know why?!\nChandler Bing: Probably because...\nJoey Tribbiani: Because it's all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And I'm not happy about you either. Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, he's lost it. He's totally lost it.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.\nRoss Geller: Thank you, thanks. Yeah, I lost it. Y'know, I'm not gonna play anymore, would you, can you finish my set?\nPhoebe Buffay: After that? Yeah! No, I mean if I can help.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, like I could lose it.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I played bad on purpose guys.\nMonica Geller: Okay, so you were trying to play bad this whole time.\nRoss Geller: Yeah-no, just that last song."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Hey, it's me. I know you can't stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought I'd try and apologize over the phone. All I...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello.\nChandler Bing: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but I'm...\nJoey Tribbiani: Stop callin'!!\nVoice: Hey! Hey! Hey! This is 92.3, WXRK, K-Rock for our $1,000 daily challenge.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nVoice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything...\nChandler Bing: Aww, turkey! Aww, giving thanks! Aww!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look everyone, it's the spirit of Thanksgiving!\nRachel Green: So are things with you and Joey any better?\nChandler Bing: They couldn't be worse. I spent eight hours calling him last night, just trying to get him to talk to me.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, eight hours? So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets huh?\nRoss Geller: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?\nRachel Green: You shouldn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and there's the added mystery of who gets who.\nRoss Geller: Who gets whom. I don't know why I do that.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm gonna take a nap, turkey makes me sleepy.\nMonica Geller: We haven't eaten yet!\nRachel Green: I know, but all that work you're doing to get it ready, I just...\nChandler Bing: Hey, by any chance did either of pick uh Rachel for your secret Santa, 'cause I wanna trade for her.\nPhoebe Buffay: I picked her! Oh thank God you want her! Ooh!\nChandler Bing: Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets, it's like impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, let's trade!\nChandler Bing: Oh that's not true! That's not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it... Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it... Her initials...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh.\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe you could give to somebody else. Ooh, like Ross Geller.\nChandler Bing: Op, y'know what though, it's kind've a girlie briefcase.\nMonica Geller: Who cares? He works in a museum!\nChandler Bing: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade if you want.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: What is wrong with this freezer?! Ow! Ow!!\nPhoebe Buffay: God, what happened?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, ice just got in my eye!\nRachel Green: People are trying to sleep in here!\nChandler Bing: Monica got ice in her eye, and it hurts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Open it up, let me see.\nMonica Geller: Oh, y'know what, I can't, it really kills.\nChandler Bing: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, God it looks bad.\nRachel Green: Honey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.\nMonica Geller: No, my eye doctor is Richard! I can't go to him when I don't have a boyfriend!\nChandler Bing: He's really picky about his patients.\nPhoebe Buffay: Honey, you've got to go. What's his office number?\nMonica Geller: Like I remember his office number! Speed dial 7.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Monica Geller's eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. He's out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?\nMonica Geller: Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! She's very excited about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is so cool, 'til Monica gets back, it's like I'm head chef and I get to make all the decisions.\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, get out of my kitchen!\nChandler Bing: All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right I... I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question.\nRoss Geller: So listen ah, I picked Monica for secret Santa, but I'm already getting her something for Chanukah, I was wondering if you wanna switch.\nChandler Bing: Oh y'know what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.\nRoss Geller: Really?! Wow! That's-that's so nice, what are you gonna get me?\nChandler Bing: I don't know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well maybe Phoebe will switch with me.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, you don't want to do that, then you're gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's not true! I've got her lots of stuff she never took back.\nChandler Bing: Like?\nRoss Geller: Like uh, that gold necklace I got her last year.\nChandler Bing: When was the last time you saw her wear it?\nRoss Geller: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh...\nChandler Bing: Big dog?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.\nRoss Geller: Everything? Even the TV?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I'm putting that in my room.\nRoss Geller: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but don't you think you could at least hear the guy out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?\nRoss Geller: That's a good point. So uh, how long are you gonna punish him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Five years.\nRoss Geller: You've sentenced him?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.\nRoss Geller: Joey, the guy's your best friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I don't know why you're pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, there's a spot open.\nRoss Geller: Oh, who? Me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Wow! I'm honored! And y'know what I'm gonna do as my first act as your best friend?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna get you to talk to Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. But if you weren't my best friend.\nKathy: Oh my God, is it really that bad?\nChandler Bing: I walk into a room and he won't even talk to me, he just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?\nGunther: I thought you were Chandler. But umm, one of who is over there.\nKathy: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: \nDoctor: I'll be right with you. Okay? Thanks, Wendy.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! How cute is the on-call doctor?\nRachel Green: Ooh, so cute, that I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.\nNurse: Dr. Burke will see you know.\nMonica Geller: Oh no-no-no, not Dr. Burke. Dr. Burke is out of town. The-the on-call doctor will see me now.\nNurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.\nTimothy Burke: Ready?\nChandler Bing: Hey! I'm sorry! That- where are you going?\nJoey Tribbiani: My folks.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, when-when are you coming back?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, y'know at first I thought we could talk about this y'know, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I don't think I...\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I'll stop seeing her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I don't want to live with some one who doesn't know what it is to be a friend. So, I'll see ya.\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You did! And that's why I'm leaving.\nChandler Bing: All right look, if you're not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year! What with the robbery and all!\nJoey Tribbiani: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! But if would've know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldn't have worried about it so much! See you around!\nChandler Bing: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. What?\nJoey Tribbiani: We've got a box.\nTimothy Burke: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.\nMonica Geller: I was probably waiting for it to open.\nTimothy Burke: I gotta tell you, you look great now.\nMonica Geller: You look great too.\nTimothy Burke: You're an excellent patient!\nMonica Geller: So how does it look?\nTimothy Burke: Well, you've got a little scratch on your cornea, your gonna have to wear a patch for a couple of days.\nMonica Geller: Like a pirate?!\nTimothy Burke: If that helps you.\nMonica Geller: Umm, so how long have you been working with your dad? Come on, one of us had to mention him.\nTimothy Burke: I moved back here a couple of months ago.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Big family dinner tonight?\nTimothy Burke: Uh.\nMonica Geller: No way!\nTimothy Burke: I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriend's.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nTimothy Burke: But we broke up.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nTimothy Burke: She-she wasn't ready for a serious commitment.\nMonica Geller: Oh. So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?\nTimothy Burke: You're not wearing the patch yet.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRoss Geller: He's coming here for Thanksgiving!\nRachel Green: I know, it's sick.\nMonica Geller: Why is it sick?\nRachel Green: Because it's Richard's son! It's like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!\nMonica Geller: Hey, come on, Phoebe, you understand don't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I can see where I'd be your best shot but, no. I'm sorry, but I think it's twisted.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's twisted?\nMonica Geller: Me going out with Richard's son.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ewwwww!! Ew! Ew! Ew!\nChandler Bing: Sounds like a really bad idea to me.\nRachel Green: Is he okay in there?\nJoey Tribbiani: He's fine!\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richard's son, you'd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.\nMonica Geller: Fine! Judge all you want to but, married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire, livin' in a box!!\nRachel Green: So now, what exactly is the point of the box?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: The meaning of the box is three fold. One , it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two , it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three , it hurts!\nRoss Geller: Oh hey! Hey uh, you remember the necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it?\nRachel Green: Why?\nRoss Geller: I just wanna check something.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Now, we'll see.\nChandler Bing: Air hole! Air hole!!\nRachel Green: Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.\nRoss Geller: The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.\nRachel Green: Huh, well maybe it uh, it changed.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! You actually exchanged it!\nRachel Green: Well isn't it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and that I can get a lot of use out of?\nRoss Geller: What did you get?\nRachel Green: Credit.\nMonica Geller: I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! Hi, Tim.\nTimothy Burke: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.\nTimothy Burke: Hi, nice to meet you.\nMonica Geller: And Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nTimothy Burke: Hi, Joey.\nMonica Geller: My brother, Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: And Rachel. And that's Chandler.\nChandler Bing: How do ya do.\nTimothy Burke: What's...\nMonica Geller: Umm, well, he's...\nJoey Tribbiani: He's doin' some thinkin'!\nChandler Bing: What happened? What happened?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You kissed my girlfriend!\nRachel Green: Ooh, I like those sunglasses.\nRoss Geller: Like 'em, like 'em? Or, I'd like to get store credit for that amount like 'em?\nRachel Green: \nMonica Geller: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!\nTimothy Burke: Where can I wash up?\nMonica Geller: Here, let me show you. Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink, and umm, you can use the fancy soap.\nTimothy Burke: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Fancy soap? I thought we were savin' that for the Pope!\nMonica Geller: See he's nice. Right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, \"That's not how your dad used to do it.\"\nTimothy Burke: Wow! Everything looks great! Where should I sit?\nMonica Geller: I saved you a seat.\nRachel Green: Sick-sick-sick-sick.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'll get it.\nChandler Bing: Gotcha!\nJoey Tribbiani: That doesn't sound like thinking to me!\nChandler Bing: Sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know I don't think you should be talking at all in there! I think you've got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, you got it!\nRachel Green: Ross, can you pass me the yams?\nRoss Geller: Sure! Oh, and Joey's got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.\nRachel Green: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!\nMonica Geller: Oh-ho-ho, we've got company.\nRoss Geller: There's nothing the matter with me. See, I'm not completely devoid of sentiment, see I have feelings.\nRachel Green: Okay, fine.\nChandler Bing: You can't tell, but I'm trying to break the tension by mooning you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesn't mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise you're just an idiot in a box!\nChandler Bing: You're right, and I'm sorry! This means a lot to me! I want you to be my friend again! I swear, I won't say another word tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?\nChandler Bing: Absolutely!\nJoey Tribbiani: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? Okay.\nRachel Green: Don't say that I have no sentiment! This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! This is from the museum from the first time we... were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!\nRoss Geller: I don't know what to say, I'm sorry. Though, you're not supposed to take these. It's like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, this always happens.\nTimothy Burke: Here, let me help.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nTimothy Burke: You-you have a very beautiful... eye.\nMonica Geller: Y'know all my friends think this is weird.\nTimothy Burke: Y'know I-I thought it was gonna be weird, I mean I almost called and canceled, but it really isn't.\nMonica Geller: I know! I mean it's like me and your dad, that's a totally separate thing.\nTimothy Burke: Oh, I totally agree.\nMonica Geller: We're just two people who find each other very attractive. Right?\nTimothy Burke: What?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. Nothing.\nTimothy Burke: No-no really, was-was that not okay?\nMonica Geller: No-no-no that was good, it was, that was uh, that was a goood kiss...\nTimothy Burke: Oh my God! It didn't remind you of...\nMonica Geller: Don't say it!\nTimothy Burke: No, but it did! Didn't it?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nTimothy Burke: Oh man!!\nMonica Geller: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll get it.\nKathy: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nKathy: Hey. Listen, I want you to know how sorry I am...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's okay. Chandler's the one I'm mad at.\nKathy: Well, I'm still sorry. Is he here?\nJoey Tribbiani: In the box.\nKathy: Chandler?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, he-he can't talk right now.\nKathy: Why not? What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: He's just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.\nKathy: By being in a box?\nRachel Green: Joey, had reasons.\nPhoebe Buffay: They were threefold.\nKathy: Oh. Well uh, you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm... Listen I don't wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I can't stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I don't wanna be the cause of that. So, I don't think we can see each other anymore. I'm gonna go to my mom's in Chicago, I'm gonna stay there for awhile. I think this could've be something really amazing, but y'know this is probably for the best. Y'know? I'm gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: Open the box!!\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! Get out of there!\nChandler Bing: So?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we're gonna be fine! Get out!\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you did some real good thinkin' in there.\nChandler Bing: Man, this is...\nJoey Tribbiani: Now go! 'Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from you're secret Santa!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, who got Chandler? 'Cause I uh, need to trade.\nRachel Green: Oh, he sees her!\nMonica Geller: Oh, he's catching up to her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, she sees him! Oh, they're hugging!\nRoss Geller: He's taking her purse!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, that's not them. I'm gonna go call the police.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, there they are!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, get a room."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Come on, no peeking!\nChandler Bing: Our eyes are closed and we're about to cross the street. Very good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okayyyyy, open up!\nRoss Geller: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's for our catering business!\nJoey Tribbiani: I think I know that girl.\nMonica Geller: All right, umm, we're not gonna really keep it this way though.\nRachel Green: No?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we're gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: And also, we don't know what to do with this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.\nMonica Geller: Remember that guy from cooking school I told you about that put cilantro with everything?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh sure, Cilantro Larry.\nMonica Geller: Well, I'm gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.\nMonica Geller: Wow, Monica! What an amazing opportunity to influence... dozens of people.\nPhoebe Buffay: How could you say yes, what about our catering business?\nMonica Geller: Oh no-no-no, it's only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.\nEveryone: Yay!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, in that case-Yay! That was me hopping on board.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there's this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.\nChandler Bing: No-no, I don't think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!\nRoss Geller: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?\nChandler Bing: Kathy's with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!\nRoss Geller: Dude, we are sooo gonna party!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?\nRoss Geller: Mike \"Gandolf\" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna call and get off work tomorrow!\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna call after you!\nChandler Bing: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!\nMonica Geller: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?\nJoey Tribbiani: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?\nRoss Geller: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, why do you call him Gandolf?\nRoss Geller: Gandolf the wizard. Hello! Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I had sex in high school.\nRachel Green: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. There's an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss...\nJoanna: Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.\nRachel Green: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and...\nJoanna: Oh. Well, I wish I could say no, but you can't stay my assistant forever. Neither can you Sophie, but for different reasons.\nRachel Green: God, I am so glad you don't have a problem with this, because if you did, I wouldn't even consider applying.\nJoanna: Really? Well, in that case...\nRachel Green: And that's I'm so glad... there's no problem.\nJoanna: That's fine, actually I'm on the hiring committee, so there'll be at least one friendly face.\nRachel Green: Ohh! That's great!\nJoanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.\nRachel Green: Really?!\nJoanna: No-ho-ho! Yeah. I mean, no-no-no-no-no, don't you worry, I'm sure with your qualifications you won't need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing.\nRachel Green: Well, I, umm...\nJoanna: Kidding! God, I feel wild today!\nChandler Bing: Oh man! I am so excited-I may vomit!\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you calm down, he's just a human guy.\nChandler Bing: Look you don't understand, Gandolf is amazing. Y'know you're never know what's gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, it's beautiful country up there.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Okay! I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snake bite kit!\nChandler Bing: It's not gonna be exactly like last time.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'll see you guys.\nChandler Bing: Whoa-wh-wh-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!\nJoey Tribbiani: I have an audition, but I'll definitely hook up with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?\nRoss Geller: Somewhere maybe along the equator?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Hello. It's Gandolf!!! So, are you in town? Oh, well, well maybe next time then.\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nChandler Bing: He's not gonna make it, he's stuck in Chicago.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!\nChandler Bing: Stupid, useless Canadian money!\nMr. Posner: You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green. I especially like what I see here about implementing a new filing system.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nJoanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.\nRachel Green: Well, they uh, they-they do more than that.\nMrs. Lynch: I notice that you've been trusted with a lot of rather important responsibilities.\nRachel Green: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.\nJoanna: Oh. And Rachel has been really incredible in getting my morning bagel for me. It's amazing how she gets it right almost every time!\nRachel Green: I-I-I of course, I have more responsibilities than that.\nJoanna: Oh yes, well there's the coffee too. Rachel can carry two things at once!\nMr. Posner: Yes, that's very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.\nRachel Green: Yes, I realize that...\nJoanna: And Rachel shouldn't have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.\nRachel Green: I love working with designers!\nJoanna: With them, under them, what's the difference? Eh, Rach?\nMonica Geller: Hey! My first review is out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.\nMonica Geller: All right, look at my on the back page.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay! \"Would I go back to Allesandro's? Sure, but I'd have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head.\" Wow! You really laid into this place.\nMonica Geller: Hey, they don't pay me a penny a word to make friends.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.\nMonica Geller: Oh! Do you need me to go with you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, it's okay. But are we sure we don't want the waterbed?\nMonica Geller: Haven't we made this decision?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, all right.\nMonica Geller: Bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!\nMonica Geller: Who is it?\nAllesandro: It's Allesandro, from Allesandro's.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God.\nAllesandro: I want to talk to you about your review.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, oh my God. Call me on the phone!\nAllesandro: Why? So you could hang up on me?\nMonica Geller: Look, I-I'm never gonna let you up so you may as well just go away.\nAllesandro: Just give me a chance too...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.\nMonica Geller: No! Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Monica!\nAllesandro: I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!\nMonica Geller: I couldn't eat it! I had five friends who couldn't eat it, and one of them eats books.\nAllesandro: Well our service is not grossly incompetent.\nMonica Geller: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!\nAllesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!\nMonica Geller: All right, that I'll retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasn't it. You're marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.\nAllesandro: Hey! I'm proud of that sauce, it's delicious.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?! Where are you even from?\nAllesandro: Lebanon.\nMonica Geller: Hand me those tomatoes, I'm gonna show you what it should taste like! Come on, hand me them.\nAllesandro: How long is this gonna take? 'Cause I got another critic to go yell at.\nRachel Green: Umm, Joanna? I wanna talk about that interview.\nJoanna: I thought it went very well.\nRachel Green: No! It didn't! That's what I want to talk to you about. Now, just to brief you... I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.\nJoanna: Rachel, please, don't make a scene.\nRachel Green: There's nobody here!\nJoanna: Sophie, get in here! You see! Now you're making Sophie uncomfortable!\nSophie: She's not making me uncomfortable.\nJoanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out.\nRachel Green: Do you want me to quit?\nJoanna: What?! What would make you think that?\nRachel Green: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Y'know what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, and I will be gone by the end of the day! Well, I guess there's no use to me sticking around 'til the end of the day!\nJoanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in it's drawer. If you must know the truth, I didn't want to lose a perfectly good assistant.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoanna: That's why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking...\nRachel Green: My drinking?\nJoanna: Oh, I must've said that after you left.\nRachel Green: Said what? Exactly.\nJoanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink...ing binge.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!! Ohh, that is it! I'm leaving! You are just a horrible person!\nJoanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!! If you're gonna get all sensitive about it! I don't want to lose you. What if I, create a position for you? I'll make you an assistant buyer in this department.\nRachel Green: Say more things like that.\nJoanna: You can have your own office, and a raise! Effective tomorrow.\nRachel Green: I'd need an expense account.\nJoanna: Done!\nRachel Green: And an assistant.\nJoanna: Sophie, get in here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought you'd be out partying with Gandel-worf.\nRoss Geller: It's Gandolf, and he's not coming.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you've been sittin' around here all mornin'?\nRoss Geller: No! I balanced my checkbook.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe he didn't come!\nJoey Tribbiani: So what if he didn't come! We can still go out and party ourselves!\nChandler Bing: Oh-no, y'know with Gandolf we'd be out all night!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! We'd meet, we'd meet total strangers, and hang out with them!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we could do that!\nRoss Geller: There's other stuff too.\nJoey Tribbiani: We'll do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!!\nRoss Geller: It's not like we don't know how to party!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! All right? Let's go!\nChandler Bing: And may-maybe we could end up on a boat again?\nChandler Bing: All right!!\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?\nChandler Bing: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Well, those were seals, man.\nRachel Green: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?\nMonica Geller: Okay, the owner of Allesandro's came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but I'm soo happy!\nMonica Geller: Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen!\nRachel Green: Ohh, you've waited soo long.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, Pheebs, quick question for ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdale's?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, it would totally depend on her coloring and... You got the job!!\nRachel Green: Yes!!!\nMonica Geller: You got the job?! Why didn't you tell me?\nRachel Green: Ohh, it's gonna be so great! I'm gonna get to help decide what we sell, I'm gonna have an office with walls and everything. I'm gonna have walls!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.\nMonica Geller: Ohh! Umm, Phoebe, I kinda need to talk to you about that. Umm, well I-I-I think it might be time for me to take a step back from catering.\nPhoebe Buffay: But we've only had one job.\nMonica Geller: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like it's snowballing, y'know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! What are you saying?\nMonica Geller: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandro's.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: It's okay, 'cause y'know what? You don't really need me for the business.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're the cook! With out you it's just me driving up to people's houses with empty trays and asking for money!\nMonica Geller: All right. But umm, I-I-I'll pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.\nPhoebe Buffay: For what? I can't believe this! I gotta get out of here.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, wait a minute!\nRachel Green: I'm an assistant buyer!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, so we'll get a little coffee, and get energized, and we'll head back out.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, all right.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, we're having fun, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: We don't need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, we'll head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.\nRoss Geller: I'm kinda beat.\nChandler Bing: Actually, me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you serious?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank God! I'm exhausted!\nGunther: So you guys want coffees?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but uh, I don't want to be up too late, so uh, I'll have a decaf.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, me too.\nChandler Bing: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't hear a word you're saying, my ears are ringing so bad.\nRoss Geller: I'm just glad I brought that extra pair of socks, y'know? I used them as mittens, I didn't want to touch a thing in that last place.\nRoss Geller: How sad are we?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? We're not sad, we're not sad, we're just not 21 anymore. Y'know? I'm 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends.\nRoss Geller: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!\nJoey Tribbiani: We're 29, we're not women.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, here you are. Y'know, I'm-I'm glad you decided to hear me out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm hearing.\nMonica Geller: I've been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nMonica Geller: Or! A bakery delivery person.\nPhoebe Buffay: I wa-I wa-I wa...\nMonica Geller: Pizza?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica!\nMonica Geller: All right, I've got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to deliver.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I'm guessing that if you don't want to deliver, you probably don't want to pick stuff up either.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, let's do the catering business.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! Are you sure?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Y'know what, it'd be, it'd be fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, let's plan the wedding reception. Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. Y'know what, I want you to take the chef job.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. That's what you really want. Yeah, I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really don't want to be the reason I'm unhappy.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?\nMrs. Lynch: Oh my goodness! You haven't heard!\nRachel Green: Heard what?\nMrs. Lynch: Joanna passed away last night.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! How?!\nMrs. Lynch: Well, she was leaving work and she was hit by a cab.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh, I cannot believe it!\nMrs. Lynch: I know!\nRachel Green: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh God.\nMrs. Lynch: I didn't realize that she was so close.\nRachel Green: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before... it happened.\nMrs. Lynch: No. Nothing. Imagine, if she had just stepped off that curb a few seconds later.\nRachel Green: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and she'd still be with us-nothing about an assistant buyer?\nMrs. Lynch: No, I'm sorry. I have to go.\nSophie: Good morning!\nRachel Green: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didn't hear about Joanna...\nSophie: I sure did!\nAllesandro: I'm so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, it's like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much we're gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.\nMonica Geller: Umm, I just wanna say, uh that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... Are you gonna kill me?"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth.\nRoss Geller: 15? Your personal best!\nPhoebe Buffay: Where were you?\nRoss Geller: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, which museum?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, answer his.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.\nChandler Bing: Were you so late because you were burring this woman?\nRoss Geller: No, I'm getting back down 'cause she lives in Poughkeepsie. She seems really great, but she's like totally great, but she lives two and a half hours away.\nChandler Bing: How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie? That joke would've killed in Albany.\nJoey Tribbiani: Done! I did it! Heh, who's stupid now?\nChandler Bing: Hey, look at this! They're lighting the big Christmas tree tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, that paper's two weeks old.\nChandler Bing: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I can't believe I missed it.\nRachel Green: Hey, y'know, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know it'll be Valentine's Day, then my birthday, then bang!-before you know it, they're lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! Y'know, I want a man!! I mean, it doesn't even have to be a big relationship, y'know, just like a fling would be great.\nChandler Bing: Really?! I didn't think girls ever just wanted a fling.\nRachel Green: Well, believe me, it's been a long time since I've been flung.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I know what I'm giving you for Christmas.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? There's some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Wait a minute, it's been a long time that I've been single. How come you never offered this before?\nChandler Bing: Well, I have a girlfriend, I'm-I'm happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.\nRachel Green: Okay! No accountants. Oh, and no one from like legal. I don't like guys with boring jobs.\nChandler Bing: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's wrong Mon?\nMonica Geller: Ohh, everybody at the restaurant still hates me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: I thought I was making headway, everyone was smiling at me all day, I get off work and I find out that they wrote this on my chef's hat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, maybe they meant to write, 'Quiet, bitch.'\nRachel Green: Hey, honey! What's the matter? Fine, I was just trying to be nice! Whoa!\nMonica Geller: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhh!\nMonica Geller: I mean they're trying to do everything they can to make me quit, and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something I've been waiting for my whole life.\nRachel Green: Well, wait a minute, you're the boss! Why don't you just yell at them? Or, fire them?\nMonica Geller: I would love too, but I can't! I mean I just can't, you know that I'm not good at confrontation.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, who's boss.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Mon! I'm not doing anything, why don't you fire me?\nMonica Geller: That's a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?\nJoey Tribbiani: Good enough to get fired.\nMonica Geller: All right, you're hired!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nChandler Bing: I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? Og-ee-op, I'm not asking for me, I'm... I mean... No, I'm-I'm not gay, I'm not asking you out. I'm not-I'm not-I'm not gay!\nDrew: I didn't think you were gay. I do now.\nChandler Bing: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.\nDrew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, I'm not looking for any thing serious.\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a fling, that might be all right with Rachel.\nMike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?\nChandler Bing: Oh, by the way, that is her full name.\nMike: Oh wow! I'm free for her!\nDrew: Oh, wait a second! I didn't say I wasn't free!\nMike: Hey, Chandler, why don't we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?\nDrew: Hold on, y'know I just got a box of Cubans, maybe I bring them by your office around uh, five?\nChandler Bing: Oh well, that's uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!\nMike: Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch Basel Hadens.\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't really know what that is, but let's!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! You guys, I'm writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, that's great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yay!\nRachel Green: But y'know umm, Rachel doesn't rhyme with draddle.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know but it's so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.\nPhoebe Buffay: All good, thanks. Do you maybe have a nickname have like a nickname that's easier to rhyme?\nMonica Geller: Didn't your dad used to call you Pumpkin?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Pumpkin? Yeah. But did he ever call you like, Budolph?\nChandler Bing: Hello, children!\nEveryone: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Have I got the 50 guys for you!\nRachel Green: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! They're buying me drinks! They're giving me stuff! Knicks tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! Where are the seats?\nChandler Bing: Wherever! I've got like 20!\nRachel Green: So, will I like any of these guys?\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I'm gonna uh, play the field just a little more.\nRachel Green: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Guys are signing over their 401-K's to me?\nPhoebe Buffay: You work with robots!!\nChandler Bing: Yes. Okay, there's this one guy, Patrick, I think you're gonna like him, he's really nice, he's funny, he's a swimmer.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I like swimmer's bodies!\nChandler Bing: Yes, and his father invented that magnetic strip on the back of credit cards.\nRachel Green: Op, I like credit cards!\nChandler Bing: See, I'm not bad at this fixing up thing, huh?\nRachel Green: Well, so what does he do?\nChandler Bing: Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division.\nRachel Green: Your company has a fine foods division?\nChandler Bing: It's a big company, I don't-if you-I...\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, the robots just work for them.\nMonica Geller: All right, I'm gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!\nMonica Geller: You want a problem? I'll give you a problem!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, what are you gonna do? You're gonna fire me?\nMonica Geller: You bet your ass, I'm gonna fire you! Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! With who?\nRoss Geller: You know that girl I told you about who lives up in Poughkeepsie?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I can't decide between the two of them. Y'know the one from Poughkeepsie, even though she's a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Y'know she's, well she's-she's just as pretty, I guess she's smart, she's not fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: If she's no fun, why do you want to date her at all?\nRoss Geller: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, y'know? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that was-if she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn't kidding, she's not fun, she's stupid, and kind of a racist.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, man!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?\nJoey Tribbiani: Damn!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what happened to your fancy chef's jacket?\nMonica Geller: They baked it. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna call a meeting tonight, I'm gonna fire you tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it! Oh-oh!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's still a tiny bit on fire there.\nMonica Geller: Thanks. I think you got it!\nRachel Green: Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!\nChandler Bing: Well, like father, like son.\nRachel Green: Patrick and I had such a great time last night! I mean I think this could maybe turn into something serious.\nChandler Bing: Really?! I-I thought you weren't looking for something serious? I thought you were looking for some kind of a fling.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, possibly. You didn't tell him that, though? Right?\nChandler Bing: Ummmmmmmm, no.\nRachel Green: You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You don't tell the guy that!\nChandler Bing: Why not?! I'd be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to get-oh I see.\nRachel Green: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first date-oh, he's so gonna get the wrong idea.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Listen uh, I'd prefer it if you didn't call me Joey. Since I don't know anyone here, I thought it'd be cool to try out a cool work nickname.\nA Waiter: Hey, dragon! Here's your tips from Monday and Tuesday.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's like-there's like 300 bucks in this one!\nThe Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonight's specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bag-Why is nobody writing these down?\nThe Waiter: Because we can remember them.\nMonica Geller: Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like you did the other night?\nThe Waiter: Well, sure, that too.\nMonica Geller: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right here's the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere...\nThe Waiter: Can't hear you!\nMonica Geller: A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. From now on, it is gonna be my way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! Hey new guy! I said, does anybody have a problem with that?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No ma'am.\nThe Waiter: Hey! He has a name, it's Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. We did the hat right?\nMonica Geller: What the hell happened?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, \"Wow! It's been a long time since I had... 327 + 238 dollars!\"\nMonica Geller: Joey, we had a deal. That-that's why you're here! I've got to fire you!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You don't fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and they'll start listening to all the nice things I've been saying about you.\nMonica Geller: What kinda things have you been saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry...\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know, y'know what Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nChandler Bing: I'm not Jewish, so...\nPhoebe Buffay: So! Ross doesn't really decorate his tree with floss, but you don't hear him complaining do you? God!\nChandler Bing: Bad dream?\nRoss Geller: I wasn't sleeping.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebe's song about?\nRoss Geller: The one with the cat. I gotta go, I've got another date.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, did you pick one yet?\nRoss Geller: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thought-it wasn't that funny. So I'm still torn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well look, you don't really like the one from uptown and you're too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, you're done!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, you're right. Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, well I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague.\nChandler Bing: Prague?\nPhoebe Buffay: There's sooo much you don't know.\nRachel Green: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?\nChandler Bing: I did! I absolutely did!\nRachel Green: You idiot!!\nChandler Bing: I'm sure you're right, but why?\nRachel Green: You don't tell a guy that you're looking for a serious relationship! You don't tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!\nChandler Bing: Oh, man. I'm sorry, I'm so-so sorry.\nRachel Green: Y'know, you should never be allowed to talk to people!\nChandler Bing: I know! I know!\nRachel Green: Oh! See just I'm right back where I started! Aww, this sucks! Being alone, sucks!\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know, you're-you're gonna meet somebody! You're a great catch! Y'know when I was telling all those guys about you, I didn't have to lie once.\nRachel Green: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! You graduated Magma Ku Laude, right?\nRachel Green: No.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it doesn't matter. Hey, y'know what, I've got two tickets to tonight's Rangers game, you wanna come with me?\nRachel Green: Cute guys in little shorts? Sure.\nChandler Bing: Well, actually it's a hockey team, so it's angry Canadians with no teeth.\nRachel Green: Well that sounds fun too.\nChandler Bing: Have you ever been with a woman?\nRachel Green: What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?!\nChandler Bing: So there is no good time to ask that question.\nThe Conductor: The next station is Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie!\nThe Woman From Poughkeepsie: Ross? Ross! Wake up! Ross! Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!\nMonica Geller: I need more swordfish. Can you get me some more swordfish?\nKitchen Worker: I don't speak English.\nMonica Geller: You did a minute ago!\nKitchen Worker: Well, I don't know what to tell ya!\nMonica Geller: Fine!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, I'm cold! And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out!\nThe Waiter: You found that handle, did ya?\nMonica Geller: That's not funny.\nThe Waiter: Well that's not true.\nMonica Geller: I'm a good person. And I'm a good chef, and I don't deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Y'know what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Chef Geller! Y'know that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it!\nMonica Geller: You do?\nJoey Tribbiani: You bet I do! I just ah, wasn't listening then, that's all.\nMonica Geller: Well if you want a problem? I'll give you a problem!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you gonna do? You're gonna fire me?\nMonica Geller: You bet your ass I'm gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! All right! Anybody else got a problem? How 'bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now?\nThe Waiter: No.\nMonica Geller: How about if I dance around all covered in sauce? Huh? You think it's funny now?\nThe Waiter: No, it's really good.\nMonica Geller: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, And you! Get the swordfish! And you! Get a haircut!\nThe Conductor: Last stop, Montreal. This stop is Montreal.\nRoss Geller: What?\nWoman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win.\nRoss Geller: What?\nWoman On Train: We're at my stop. But would you like to have coffee?\nRoss Geller: Are we really in Montreal?!\nWoman On Train: Yes we are. So, coffee?\nRoss Geller: Coffee sounds great. Wait, so, so you live in Montreal?\nWoman On Train: Oh, no. But it's just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I guess I should've thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller!\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep! Looks like it's gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon house this year.\nMonica Geller: Enough!\nJoey Tribbiani: Lean-lean-lean!\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap./Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap./Said all you need is to write them a song./They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along./No, don't sing along./Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah./Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross./And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy!/And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!\"/Happy holidays, everybody!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I can't believe my little brother is married!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh I know!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, why didn't you tell me you were eloping?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: 'Cause it just sorta happened, y'know we were at the courthouse, we were having lunch...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, why were you at the courthouse?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: We were having lunch. Yeah and then all of the sudden we were like, \"Hey! Y'know, we're here, having lunch let's get married!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, a year and a half ago I didn't even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. Okay. Okay. Stop it, don't. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Uhh, yeah.\nAlice Knight: We've been trying to get pregnant, uh pretty much ever since we got engaged, we thought we'd get a jump on things, y'know no one's getting any younger.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: See the thing is umm, we're not able to y'know, uh, conceive.\nAlice Knight: And we've tried everything, we've seen a bunch of doctors.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy boat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You guys! Check it out, check it out! Guess which job I got.\nChandler Bing: I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Blue blazer back. He-he wants it back.\nRachel Green: But you-you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?\nChandler Bing: Well, you-you know what I meant.\nMonica Geller: No, you messed it up. You're stupid.\nChandler Bing: So what job did you get Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.\nRachel Green: Well, how can you be a tour guide, don't you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, not really. They give you all the information, it's uh, it's like memorizing a script. \"And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.\nRoss Geller: Uh actually Joey, it's the Cretasous period.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah but, I can pronounce Jurassic.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!!\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!\nEveryone: Oh my God!!\nPhoebe Buffay: And! And, they're gonna have a baby! And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus.\nRoss Geller: My God!\nMonica Geller: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah\nJoey Tribbiani: You're really thinking about having sex with your brother?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ewww! And \"Oh no!\" It's-they just want me to be the surrogate. It's her-it's her egg and her sperm, and I'm-I'm just the oven, it's totally their bun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nMonica Geller: What did you tell them?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? I'm gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.\nChandler Bing: You're gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?\nRachel Green: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, like you're gonna be pregnant. I mean pregnant.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, you're talking about putting your body through an awful lot, I mean morning sickness, uhh, labour, and it's all for somebody else!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, what's your point?\nRoss Geller: Well, the stuff I just mentioned.\nRachel Green: Wow! I don't know if I could ever do that. I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a...keeper.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, we'll be supportive like crazy.\nEveryone: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: We just want you to think it through.\nRachel Green: Yeah, honey, maybe you can talk to somebody who's had a baby. Like your mom?\nPhoebe Buffay: My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did.\nKathy: Umm, I love this touchy. Can I take it to work with me?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, sure, it's not mine anyway. It can with the pants.\nKathy: Oh!\nMonica Geller: I am so jealous.\nRachel Green: You guys are really right...there aren't you?\nChandler Bing: Yes. Right where?\nMonica Geller: In the beginning where y'know it's all sex and talking and sex and talking and...\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you-you gotta love the talking.\nMonica Geller: And the sex?\nChandler Bing: All right, we haven't had sex yet. Okay, what's the big deal? Y'know? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.\nRachel Green: Oh, Chandler that is so nice.\nRoss Geller: That is really nice...lying! No way is that the reason!\nRachel Green: Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?!\nChandler Bing: No, he's right, I'm totally lying.\nMonica Geller: Then what is it?\nChandler Bing: Well, Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.\nRoss Geller: And you're afraid you won't be able to...fill his shoes.\nChandler Bing: No, I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.\nMonica Geller: So big deal, so Joey's had a lot of girlfriends, it doesn't mean he's great in bed.\nChandler Bing: We share a wall! So either he's great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie, with you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, 'cause you-you guys are in love.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Just go for it Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you should.\nRachel Green: Yeah, you should, really.\nMonica Geller: Go on.\nChandler Bing: All right, all right, I'll go sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.\nSmart Kid: Isn't the Mastodon from the Pliocene Epic?\nJoey Tribbiani: Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, we have a large foot. Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. Everyone wave 'Hi' to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at work. Okay, moving right along. Come on.\nPhoebe Abbott: It's open! Come in!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nPhoebe Abbott: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm late.\nPhoebe Abbott: Oh, that's okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! You really go all out when you're expecting company.\nPhoebe Abbott: No, I was working on my pottery.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didn't know that you did...pot.\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, yeah, mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and erotica.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, erotiery!\nPhoebe Abbott: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Y'know...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Abbott: I really don't think it's a very good idea, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, because you'd be giving up a baby, and I-I really don't-I don't know if there's anything I can say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm,\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Don't-don't hurt the puppy.\nPhoebe Abbott: No-no-no, the-the puppy's yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I get a puppy!!\nPhoebe Abbott: Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nPhoebe Abbott: I realise I don't have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, uhh... Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, it's very important.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Abbott: I mean, I know what I'm talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. I really shouldn't have given you the puppy first.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, do you mind sitting there. I'm-I'm saving this for my friend Ross.\nTour Guide: You mean Dr. Geller?\nJoey Tribbiani: Doctor? Wow! I didn't know he had a nickname.\nTour Guide: Oh, he won't sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there, and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, how-how come?\nTour Guide: That's just the way it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's crazy.\nTour Guide: Maybe it's crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now... Peter! Hey, Peter! It's me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin' which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! See, he pretend he don't even here me!\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I think everybody's pretending they don't hear you. Anyway, look, I don't know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, I'm telling you, he will sit in it! Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.\nRoss Geller: That's okay, I'm cool over here. I'll catch up with you later, Joey.\nTour Guide: Op, this is saved. Gift shop.\nRoss Geller: Hey, uh, I'm really, really sorry about what happened in the cafeteria today.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's no big deal. Hey, y'know, you do what you gotta do. Right?\nRoss Geller: But hey, it's not just me, I mean the scientists and the tour guides never sit together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whatever.\nRoss Geller: It's like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?\nMonica Geller: I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Ross, really it's-it's no big deal. Y'know you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we can't be friends at work, then so be it. Y'know, hey I understand. Y'know? Hey, when I'm in a play and you're in the audience, I don't talk to you, right? So it's y'know, it's uh, it's cool. I'll see you tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Yeah, when we're in the audience he doesn't talk to us, but he does wave.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, y'know what, I think it's time for puppy to go out again. Come on, let's go to the balcony.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, the street. Come on, let's go to the street. Ooh, listen, don't go onto the balcony until after I get back.\nMonica Geller: So, did you do it?\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes, we had the sex.\nMonica Geller: Uh-oh, it was bad?\nChandler Bing: It was fine, y'know? But she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, \"I see you point, I'm all right with it.\"\nMonica Geller: Well, it was the first time. Y'know, there's not always a lot of agreement the first time.\nRachel Green: Yeah, not girls anyway, guys agree like that.\nChandler Bing: Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a woman, y'know, I know where everything goes, it's always nice. But I need to know what makes it go from nice to, \"My God! Somebody's killing her in there!\"\nMonica Geller: All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, give me that pad, please? All right. Now...\nChandler Bing: Look, you don't have to draw an actual wo-whoa! She's hot!\nMonica Geller: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got one, two three, four , five, six, and seven!\nChandler Bing: There are seven?!\nRachel Green: Let me see that. Oh, yeah.\nChandler Bing: That's one?\nMonica Geller: It's kind of an important one!\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know-y'know what, I was looking at it upside down.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, sometimes that helps.\nMonica Geller: Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.\nChandler Bing: That-that's bad?\nRachel Green: Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn.\nChandler Bing: Well you might if it were anything like 7!\nMonica Geller: All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit 'em all, and you mix 'em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.\nRachel Green: Oo, toes!! Well, for some people.\nMonica Geller: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7, ...7...7...7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7...!\nOlder Scientist: Dr. Geller, there's a seat over here.\nRoss Geller: Thank you, Dr. Phillips, but I'm having my lunch at this table, here in the middle. I'm having lunch right here, with my good friend Joey, if he'll sit with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I will sit with you Dr. Geller.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and y'know what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, \"My God why?!\" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. I'm Ross! I'm divorced, and I have a kid!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm Joey! I'm an actor! I don't know squat about dinosaurs!\nAnother Tour Guide: I'm Ted, and I just moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me.\nRoss Geller: All right, there you go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you hang in there Teddy!\nOlder Scientist: I'm Andrew, and I didn't pay for this pear.\nRoss Geller: Okay, good-good for you.\nTour Guide: I'm Rhonda, and these aren't real!\nRoss Geller: Wow, Rhonda.\nAnother Scientist: I'm Scott.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay, Scott!\nAnother Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.\nPhoebe Buffay: My mom's gonna be here any minute. I can't do this, I can't give him up. Yes-no, I can. I don't want to. But I can. No.\nRachel Green: Oo, I can't watch this, it's like Sophie's Choice.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I never saw that.\nRachel Green: Ooh, it was only okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I can't do this. My mom was right. If I can't-if I can't give him up, then there's no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give 'em-a kidney!\nAlice Knight: Hi!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hi!\nAlice Knight: Uhh, we were just in the neighbourhood, so...\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, so we just thought we'd stop by and let you know there's still no pressure.\nAlice Knight: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, we're just gonna be right over there having coffee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, who's this little guy?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Ooh! Umm!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, he's so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumour.\nAlice Knight: You are so precious, I could just take you home.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, why don't you?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, yeah!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh, thanks.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm really okay with this. Y'know why? 'Cause look at them, and I made that, so... I know it's gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, it's gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. I wanna carry your baby.\nAlice Knight: Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You don't know what this means to us! Oh!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh my God, I think I'm gonna cry!\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be so great.\nPhoebe Abbott: Hi! What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided I'm gonna carry their baby.\nPhoebe Abbott: But Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.\nPhoebe Abbott: Oh, I-I-I understand all that, but it's just-that was my puppy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nMonica Geller: Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone?\nRachel Green: It depends on who asked.\nMonica Geller: What if I asked?\nRachel Green: Oh, Mon, sure.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yes. You're not asking are you?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Yes! Totally!\nKathy: Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: What the hell is that?!! What the hell is that? Is that you? Ohhhhhhh!\nMonica Geller: Boy, you are really not a morning person.\nRachel Green: BACK OFF!!! Get up! Get up! Get up! God damn it! Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!!\nRachel Green: What is that noise?\nChandler Bing: You!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's the chick! She's...going through some changes.\nMonica Geller: What kind of changes?\nChandler Bing: Well the vet seems to think that's she's becoming a rooster. We're getting a second opinion.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?\nRachel Green: Well, I've been up since six. Thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.\nRachel Green: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around...\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. I'm gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if I'm ready to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.\nRoss Geller: Now, how will they know if you're ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, they're just gonna umm, look to see if my endometria layer is thick.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay everyone, think thick.\nEveryone: Good-bye! Good luck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Wish me luck!\nMonica Geller: Oh, good luck.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck. And I'm still right!\nMonica Geller: That is sooo not true!\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: She's mad because I know today's her laundry day and that means she's wearing her old lady underpants.\nChandler Bing: I can check that for ya.\nMonica Geller: I just-I can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.\nChandler Bing: Well... we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's that about?\nChandler Bing: And you... Ross, I believe, if you check Rachel's bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.\nRoss Geller: You're good. These are not.\nRachel Green: I'm so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?\nRoss Geller: Five.\nChandler Bing: Okay, ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.\nRachel Green: How many guesses do you get?\nJoey Tribbiani: Six.\nRoss Geller: Challenge extended.\nMonica Geller: Deal!\nRoss Geller: Challenge excepted.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, we'll start with...apples.\nRoss Geller: We'll be starting with apples.\nChandler Bing: Stop that now!\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Uhh, tortilla chips, yogurt.\nChandler Bing: Diet soda.\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes. Yes.\nChandler Bing: Orange juice.\nRachel Green: No! There's no orange juice in there! We win!!\nMonica Geller: Ha-ha!\nRoss Geller: They have another guess.\nRachel Green: Okay, well, we won that one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, the last thing...\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, not for like another two weeks.\nChandler Bing: I got it! Scotch... tape.\nRoss Geller: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?\nChandler Bing: Well, we used there's up last night making scary faces.\nMonica Geller: Aww, man!\nChandler Bing: All right! Ten buck! Fork it over! Cough it up! Pay the piper! Gimme it.\nMonica Geller: That does not mean you know us better, I-I want a rematch.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions, real personal questions.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! And the winner gets a hundred bucks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Serious?\nMonica Geller: Are you scared?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! All right, who-who makes up the questions?\nMonica Geller: Ross will do it.\nRoss Geller: Oh sure, \"Ross will do it!\" It's not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.\nRachel Green: Fine! We'll ask Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, I-I wanna play.\nDr. Zane: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, okay, so what's now-go get, go get the eggs, put 'em in there.\nDr. Zane: Okay, it'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.\nPhoebe Buffay: Embryossss? As in, \"More than one?\"\nDr. Zane: Um-hmm, five actually.\nPhoebe Buffay: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?\nDr. Zane: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's it! 25 percent? That means that's it's like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey, y'know I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?\nAlice Knight: Sweety, now, she's a woman, not a gumball machine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well y'know what, don't worry you guys, 'cause I'm-I'm gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.\nAlice Knight: Umm, it costs $16,000 each time you do this. So, umm, we're kinda using all the money we have to do it just this one time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa!! That-okay, that's a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. So, well okay, so is there-is maybe is there something that I can do y'know just to like help make sure I get pregnant?\nDr. Zane: No, I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! You guys really don't know anything!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I know! Why don't you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.\nMonica Geller: You guys! Do you realize that any minute now, Phoebe can be pregnant?\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nRachel Green: I know! I know, it's such a huge, life-altering thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nRoss Geller: The test is ready.\nEveryone: Yeah! Yes!\nRoss Geller: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It's All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. Okay, somebody call it this time.\nEveryone: Oh yeah!\nRachel Green: Tails!\nRoss Geller: It's heads. Gentlemen, pick your category.\nChandler Bing: Fears and Pet Peeves.\nRoss Geller: What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?\nJoey Tribbiani: Animals dressed as humans.\nRoss Geller: That's correct. Ladies?\nMonica Geller: Same category?\nRoss Geller: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?\nMonica Geller: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!\nRoss Geller: That is correct.\nJoey Tribbiani: The Irish gig guy?!\nChandler Bing: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!\nRoss Geller: Gentlemen, you're pick.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's All Relative.\nRoss Geller: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nana?\nChandler Bing: She has a real name.\nJoey Tribbiani: Althea!\nChandler Bing: Althea?! What are you doing?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I took a shot.\nChandler Bing: You're shooting with Althea?!\nRoss Geller: Althea is correct.\nChandler Bing: Nice shooting!\nRachel Green: We'll take Literature!!\nRoss Geller: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?\nRachel Green: Chandler gets it! It's Chandler Bing!\nMonica Geller: No!!\nRoss Geller: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.\nMonica Geller: I knew that! Rachel! Use you're head!\nChandler Bing: Actually, it's Miss Chinandolor Bong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, I'm-I'm Phoebe Buffay, hi! I'm-I'm-I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that we're doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, you've been there! Umm, y'know they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home, so... Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, I'm screaming, don't worry, that's what's supposed to happen.\nDr. Zane: Ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Good luck.\nRoss Geller: All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys. Ladies if you miss this the game is theirs, pick your category.\nRachel Green: It's All Relative!!\nRoss Geller: You don't have to shout everything.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry!\nRoss Geller: Ooh. What is the name of Chandler's father's Las Vegas all-male burlesque?\nMonica Geller: Viva Las Gaygas!\nChandler Bing: Unfortunately that is correct.\nThe Girls: Yes!!\nRoss Geller: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. The Lightning Round!\nEveryone: Ohhhh.\nRoss Geller: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.\nMonica Geller: You guys are dead, I am so good at lighting rounds.\nChandler Bing: I majored in lightning rounds. All right, we're gonna destroy you.\nMonica Geller: Huh, wanna bet?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far...\nMonica Geller: How about we play for more money, say 150?\nRoss Geller: 150 dollars.\nChandler Bing: Say 200?\nRoss Geller: 200 dollars.\nMonica Geller: You're doing it again.\nRoss Geller: Excuse me.\nRachel Green: Monica, I don't want to lose 200 dollars.\nMonica Geller: We won't. 300?\nRachel Green: Monica?!\nMonica Geller: I'm just trying to spice it up!\nRachel Green: Okay, so let's play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!\nMonica Geller: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?\nRachel Green: Oooohh that's interesting.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, no way, that rooster's family!\nRachel Green: Throw in the duck too!\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you have against the duck?! He doesn't make any noise!\nRachel Green: Well, he gets the other one all riled up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, we are not gonna...\nChandler Bing: All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dah!!\nChandler Bing: But if we win, we get your apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooooh!\nMonica Geller: Deal!\nRachel Green: Monica, betting the apartment, I don't know about this.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand.\nRachel Green: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?\nMonica Geller: No! Steady as a rock! Now, are you with me.\nRachel Green: All right, let's do it.\nMonica Geller: Come on!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: All right, gentlemen, you're up first.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round begins-stop it -now. What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Big fat goalie.\nRoss Geller: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie...\nChandler Bing: Dangerous Liaisons.\nRoss Geller: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...\nJoey Tribbiani: Weekend at Bernie's.\nRoss Geller: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?\nChandler Bing: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Eww! No!! Her ear! All right, Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Everyday use.\nChandler Bing: Fancy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Guest.\nChandler Bing: Fancy guest.\nRoss Geller: Two seconds...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, 11!\nRoss Geller: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. All right, that's 4 for the guys. Ladies, you're up.\nRachel Green: All right!\nMonica Geller: Come on!\nRoss Geller: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now! What is Joey's favorite food?\nMonica Geller: Sandwiches!\nRoss Geller: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?\nRachel Green: 14?\nRoss Geller: No, 19.\nChandler Bing: Thanks man.\nRoss Geller: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?\nMonica Geller: Maurice.\nRoss Geller: Correct, his profession was?\nRachel Green: Space cowboy!\nRoss Geller: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?\nRachel Green: Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.\nMonica Geller: And processing.\nRachel Green: He carries a briefcase.\nRoss Geller: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.\nMonica Geller: It's umm, it has something to do with transponding.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, he's a transponce-transpondster!\nMonica Geller: That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!\nMonica Geller: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: I call Monica's room!\nChandler Bing: You can't just call Monica's room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure I can, standard shotgun rules, I'm sight of the room and I called it.\nMonica Geller: Man, I feel like I'm coming down with something.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I bet you can't guess what color my tonsils are? I'll bet the apartment!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It's too nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-ooh Pheebs, are they in there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, yeah, uh-huh, they're implanted.\nMonica Geller: How do you feel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, freaked. 'Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alice's like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but I bet it works.\nMonica Geller: Really?! How much?!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test, right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow! You can tell this soon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my body's always been a little faster than Western medicine.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I can't believe you guys are actually think you're moving in here!\nChandler Bing: Well believe it baby!\nRachel Green: Well I-I-I'm not moving.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRachel Green: No, it was a stupid bet! We were just playing a game!\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't just ignore the bet! It's a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!\nMonica Geller: Look Rach, we have to move. I mean if they had lost, we would've made them get rid of the birds. Right?\nRachel Green: Noooo.\nMonica Geller: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, it's all your fault.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Chinadolor Bong, come on, we steal that TV Guide every week!\nChandler Bing: I knew it!\nRachel Green: I don't care, I'm not going anywhere.\nChandler Bing: Cool, girl roommate.\nMonica Geller: Well?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope, not knocked up yet.\nMonica Geller: It's only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help this so, I'm just gonna y'know, lie it your chair, Y'know? Yeah, good, I'm let gravity y'know, do its jobs.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?\nRachel Green: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girl's apartment! That is a boy's apartment, it's dirty and it smells. This is pretty. It's-it's so pretty! And look, and it's-it's purple! And I'm telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand.\nMonica Geller: I'll take care of it.\nRachel Green: That's right! You do what the hand says!\nRachel Green: How did it go?\nMonica Geller: I lost our mattresses.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Are you in there little fetus? In nine will you come great us? I will buy you some Adidas.\"\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nAlice Knight: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Oh.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Umm, it's a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.\nMonica Geller: Hey, don't mix those up, you could really ruin that lollipop.\nAlice Knight: So umm, you feel like taking a test? There's only one question.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, y'know just remember that it's still really early, okay so, if it says that I'm not pregnant, that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I don't go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.\nAlice Knight: Okay.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great.\nRachel Green: Y'know what, you are mean boys, who are just being mean!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, don't get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!\nRachel Green: That is not true. She did! She forced me!\nMonica Geller: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn't gotten the question wrong!\nRachel Green: Well it stupid, unfair question!\nRoss Geller: Don't blame the questions!\nChandler Bing: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!\nRachel Green: Will you stop calling it your apartment!\nJoey Tribbiani: But it is our apartment!\nRachel Green: No it's not!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys! You guys! You're gonna have a baby! They're gonna have a baby!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: MY SISTER'S GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, but this can't be good for the baby.\nEveryone: Oh!\nMonica Geller: I can't find garbage bags!\nRachel Green: Oh, I think I saw some in here.\nMonica Geller: What is it?!\nRachel Green: I don't know! But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe we're living here!\nChandler Bing: What?! What-what is it?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you see the size of the closets?!\nChandler Bing: I can't believe we live here!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!\nRoss Geller: People can hear you.\nChandler Bing: I know!!\nChandler Bing: Wow! She looks great. Doesn't she?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nKathy's Co-Star: Hi!\nKathy: Hi!\nRoss Geller: That is one good looking man!\nChandler Bing: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!\nKathy's Co-Star: Sooo, you've been doing this long?\nKathy: No, you're my first. Put the money on the table.\nKathy's Co-Star: Oh, yeah! Ooh, that's nice.\nRoss Geller: Dude!\nKathy's Co-Star: Is that an expensive blouse?\nKathy: If you want it to be.\nRoss Geller: Here's your girlfriend's button.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's just that maternity clothes are so expensive.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just...throw your purses at it.\nRachel Green: Bloomingdale's eliminated my department.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, are you out of a job?\nRachel Green: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!\nPhoebe Buffay: Personal shopping? What is that? Like where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: That sounds great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You can't eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's gravy?\nMonica Geller: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, that's your department now.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I think I left a donut up here.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! How was Kathy's play?\nRoss Geller: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin' guy.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a good idea for a business!\nChandler Bing: I'm totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then they're gonna go to their cast parties and he's gonna try to undermine me. Y'know it'll be like, \"So where's your boyfriend, what's-his-name, Chester?\" And she'll go, \"No-no-no, it's Chandler.\" And he'll go, \"Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: That-that is a good trick.\nChandler Bing: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, look they're actors. They're there to do a job, just 'cause they work together, doesn't mean they're gonna get together. I mean just 'cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesn't mean it's gonna happen with them.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.\nRoss Geller: They're not a couple!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh-okay, I get the game now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well okay, so then you're fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it's hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It's when the heat goes away, that's when you're in trouble.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, you guys have been to every play I've ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?\nRoss Geller: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Noooo!!\nChandler Bing: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what, I don't know how comfortable I am going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know but...\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no-no, I'm there.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Mon! Want some pancakes?\nMonica Geller: You made pancakes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep! Grab a plate.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, stay right there. Gettin' closer.\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, but don't worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which I'm fairly certain are the same thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen also we're uh, we're watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, who's playing?\nMonica Geller: The players.\nRoss Geller: Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.\nMonica Geller: Please, it's a relief is what it is, is what it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right Pheebs, stick out your plate!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRachel Green: Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.\nStephen Waltham: In a moment, please, I'm in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoshua Burgin: Hi, I'm Joshua.\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?\nJoshua Burgin: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife...\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm so sorry.\nJoshua Burgin: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.\nRachel Green: Well, at least that's a great suit.\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. So I need everything down to underwear, so if you're willing, I'm all yours.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nStephen Waltham: Rachel, you needed to speak to me?\nRachel Green: No-no, that wasn't me! Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. The selection of underwear we carry.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh, sorry, it's this way, it's this way.\nJoshua Burgin: It's this way? Sorry.\nChandler Bing: I'm right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now there's no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!\nRoss Geller: All right, let's not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.\nChandler Bing: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!\nRoss Geller: Here she comes. Don't say a word, okay? Just be cool, don't be...y'know you.\nKathy: Hey you guys!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nKathy: Hi! Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?\nRoss Geller: Oh, absolutely!\nKathy: Wasn't Nick funny when he couldn't get his match lit?\nKathy: It's a good play, isn't it?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly you're having sex with him.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I...\nKathy: Clearly, I'm having sex with him?\nChandler Bing: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!\nKathy: Okay, so let me just get this straight. You're accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know you're up there every night, you're naked, touching, kissing.\nKathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! I'm-I'm playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!\nChandler Bing: Well, you can understand, given how we started.\nKathy: Oh, wow. I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.\nChandler Bing: Well, that is what happened, and I don't even see you denying this!\nKathy: I'll tell you what, Chandler, why don't you call me when you grow up!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!\nRachel Green: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel has a new doll.\nRachel Green: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.\nRoss Geller: Uh, hello!\nRachel Green: Hi-e!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, what do I smell?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, it smells good.\nMonica Geller: Fresh cookies! Hot from the oven!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh!\nMonica Geller: Please, have some!\nRoss Geller: Oh, yumm!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I've just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! The new Playboy!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it's just something I picked up.\nRoss Geller: Cookies and porn, you're the best mom ever!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? What?\nRachel Green: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?\nRachel Green: It's Joshua.\nRoss Geller: Oh, whatever.\nMonica Geller: Wait! Wait! This isn't take-out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I hate to eat and run, but...\nMonica Geller: No, wait, please don't go! I've got porn for you too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I don't need it.\nMonica Geller: People are supposed to wanna hang out here!\nRachel Green: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?\nMonica Geller: I'm the hostess! Not those guys! I'm always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I-I served the best air.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But I'm-I'm done now. They've suffered enough.\nPhoebe Buffay: If you wanted to punish them, you should've just made them hang out here!\nRachel Green: Yeah, that's true.\nMonica Geller: All right then, when I'm done with this place, it's gonna be ten times better than that place!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, are we gonna trash that place?\nChandler Bing: Steps! Slut! You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!\nEveryone: What?!\nRoss Geller: So you were right?\nChandler Bing: I confronted her, and she didn't deny it! I don't live here!\nRoss Geller: Chandler!\nRachel Green: Chandler, what did she say?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come here.\nMonica Geller: Are you sure?\nChandler Bing: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julie's...\nRachel Green: Beefsteak Charlie's?\nChandler Bing: Yes! See you and I have always been like-\nRachel Green: Whoops. Oh, hey, do you need help with that?\nMonica Geller: Nah, I got it.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRachel Green: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It's just so frustrating!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you ask him out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, totally! That's such a turn-on!\nRachel Green: Really? It doesn't seem desperate?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ooh, that's the turn-on.\nPhoebe Buffay: He just got a divorce right?\nRachel Green: Hmm-mmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: So he's probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.\nRachel Green: Yeah but, I've never asked a guy out before.\nPhoebe Buffay: You've never asked a guy out?!!\nRachel Green: No. Have you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Thousands of times!! That doesn't make me sound too good does it?\nRachel Green: I don't even know how I would go about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, \"Hey, how you doin'?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, please!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how you doin'?\nRachel Green: You know what, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna call him up, and I'm gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. How you doin'? Hi! Joshua? It's Rachel Green from Bloomingdale's. Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we- the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, let's see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye. You've done that a thousand times?\nPhoebe Buffay: I've never done that.\nRachel Green: Ohh, God, I just got so nervous that he would say no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you gotta give him something that he can't say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, you're guaranteed he'll say yes!\nRachel Green: Really?! You think that will work?\nJoey Tribbiani: Absolutely! And if it doesn't, can I get the extra ticket?\nJoey Tribbiani: What the heck is that?\nChandler Bing: Did she call?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, sorry.\nChandler Bing: All right, maybe I should call her.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Forget her, man! You don't need her, you don't need that!\nRoss Geller: He's right, what she did was unforgivable.\nChandler Bing: Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?\nRoss Geller: How might you be wrong?\nChandler Bing: Well y'know, what if she didn't actually sleep with the guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, tell me she actually told you this.\nChandler Bing: She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!\nRoss Geller: That's all you're basing this on?\nChandler Bing: That's not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!!\nRachel Green: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too... Umm, who likes the Knicks-\nJoshua Burgin: What do you think?\nRachel Green: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!\nJoshua Burgin: Huh. Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. Umm, so you like it?\nJoshua Burgin: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think I'm gonna wear it home.\nRachel Green: Great.\nJoshua Burgin: All right, thank you so much for all your help.\nRachel Green: Sure.\nJoshua Burgin: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.\nRachel Green: Yeah-eah-ha!\nJoshua Burgin: Thanks. Maybe I'll see in the spring, with the uh, y'know, for the uh, bathing suits.\nRachel Green: Oh well, you don't want to do that now?!\nJoshua Burgin: Ah, that's okay, thanks.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoshua Burgin: Anyway, hopefully, I'll see you around sometime.\nRachel Green: Basketball!\nJoshua Burgin: I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if you're interested, just as a thank you for this week.\nJoshua Burgin: Wow! That would be great.\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel.\nStephen Waltham: Good morning.\nJoshua Burgin: Hi!\nKathy: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that I'm sorry. Y'know? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.\nKathy: Oh wow. I really wish you'd call me.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but y'know I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? 'Cause we've had our first fight, and now we can move on. Y'know, I know for me- Nick's pants?\nKathy: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, for next time, what do you say?\nRachel Green: I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.\nRoss Geller: So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?\nRachel Green: He didn't turn me down! He's at the game isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it!\nMonica Geller: Okay, it's ready. Come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's ready?\nMonica Geller: Just come.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Wow! Monica!\nPhoebe Buffay: Great!\nRoss Geller: This is beautiful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh did you-what did you-did you work for two days straight?\nMonica Geller: Pretty much. So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, it looks the same.\nMonica Geller: You used to have carpet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah!\nMonica Geller: So I made snacks. Please, just hang out okay? I'm just gonna rest my eyes just a little bit.\nRoss Geller: Look, Mon, do you want us to uh, come back later?\nMonica Geller: Oh no-no-no, stay, stay, stay, just keep talking. I'm always the hostess.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: How'd it go?\nChandler Bing: Well, she wasn't sleeping with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good!\nChandler Bing: She is now.\nRoss Geller: What are you saying?\nChandler Bing: I'm saying that she... is a devil woman! Y'know I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I don't hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.\nPhoebe Buffay: How? How is your fault?\nChandler Bing: Because, I-I should've called! Y'know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would've gone out with Nick, and they would've ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!\nRachel Green: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.\nRoss Geller: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break...\nStephen Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.\nRachel Green: Really?\nStephen Waltham: Will you call him?\nRachel Green: Yes! I will! Absolutely! Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, I'm glad. Rachel, I'd like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin'?"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: So now, what is this now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Guggly worm.\nPhoebe Buffay: And this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Glow-pop giggly jammer.\nPhoebe Buffay: You make it so funny.\nMonica Geller: Hey umm, what's this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, Geller's got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! It's the classic struggle between man and- Someone knocked over a lamp.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's all right. Hey you guys, you know what's going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, \"Joey, what are you doing with your life?\" stuff. I can say, \"Well, I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?\"\nEveryone: Great!\nChandler Bing: You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you. Well, except you.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it's only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now, he's still in his sweat pants, that's still Phase One. Y'know? I'll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.\nMonica Geller: What's Phase Two?\nJoey Tribbiani: Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club.\nRachel Green: How does going to a strip club help him better?\nRoss Geller: Because there are naked ladies there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.\nRoss Geller: There are naked ladies there too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Would you give me one minute!! Please.\nJoshua Burgin: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?\nRachel Green: Um-hmm. There we go. There it is.\nJoshua Burgin: Oh! You know what I need?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nJoshua Burgin: Gloves. Brown, leather dress gloves.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay. Uhh, well let's see. You're about-well uh, this one is large. And this one-\nJoshua Burgin: Also large?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Okay, two larges coming right up!\nJoshua Burgin: Okay.\nStephen Waltham: Rachel! Could I have a moment?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nStephen Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from London-well Shropshire really but y'know-well she's about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if you'd like to keep her company this evening?\nRachel Green: Sure. You got it. Great!\nStephen Waltham: Oh, good.\nRachel Green: Me, Fledermaus, great. I really-\nStephen Waltham: Ohh! Yes of course, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much.\nJoshua Burgin: So...\nRachel Green: So?\nJoshua Burgin: Gloves?\nRachel Green: Ohh! Right! Right, sorry, I'll be right back!\nJoshua Burgin: Uhh, actually y'know what, I kinda-I have to take off.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoshua Burgin: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?\nRachel Green: No! Nothing!\nJoshua Burgin: I invested in this night-club and it's opening tonight, would you like to come?\nRachel Green: Yeah! That would be great!\nJoshua Burgin: You're into hardcore S&M right?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I guess-I...\nJoshua Burgin: Kidding! I'm gonna get there early, but I'm going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.\nRachel Green: Yeah, great, you betcha!\nStephen Waltham: I almost forget the tickets, didn't I?\nRachel Green: What?\nStephen Waltham: For you and Emily, tonight, Die Fledermaus.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh, right.\nStephen Waltham: I think you'll like it, it has two out of the three tenors.\nRachel Green: Oh yay!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I can't believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on I'm never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!\nRoss Geller: Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Catch any big fish?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, you guys have no idea.\nEveryone: Oh! God! Wow!\nMonica Geller: You stink!\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-how's he doing?\nRoss Geller: He hasn't gotten out of that chair in two days.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey buddy! How's it going?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, I've got to go memorise my lines. Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, Monica!\nMonica Geller: Uh-oh, what's the matter?\nRachel Green: Ohh, it's Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So... What are you gonna do?\nMonica Geller: I don't know sweetie.\nRachel Green: No! Help me!\nMonica Geller: I can't! I have to work!\nRachel Green: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.\nRachel Green: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this is-I have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Y'know the \"Wouldn't it be great if she was my wife\" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?\nMonica Geller: No, Chandler's still in Phase One, and Joey's that thing you smell.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: So...\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Ohhhh, come on!!!\nMonica Geller: I think she's here.\nRachel Green: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!\nRoss Geller: You want me to take some girl I've never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, she's looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can't see people through that little hole, can you? Hello!\nWoman: Hello!\nRachel Green: I'll be right there! Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought we've gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?\nRoss Geller: All right, I'll do it.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Emily?\nEmily Waltham: Yes.\nRachel Green: I'm Rachel Green.\nEmily Waltham: Thank goodness.\nRachel Green: There's been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that I'm not free tonight. So...\nEmily Waltham: Really?! Well, that's just lovely, isn't it? I must've missed your call, even though I didn't leave the flat all day.\nRachel Green: Oh well, no I...\nEmily Waltham: Oh, no-no-no, that's not rude! It's perfectly in keeping with a trip that I've already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone who's got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.\nMonica Geller: I-I-I think you look great.\nEmily Waltham: Good night, it was very nice to meet you all.\nRachel Green: I'll get her.\nRoss Geller: Please hurry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't you just love the way they talk?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!\nMonica Geller: Oh wait, Joey, you can't go like that! You stink!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I know I feel asleep before I could shower and now I don't have time! They're just ten blocks away, if I run, I can make it.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Run ten blocks, that'll help the smell.\nRachel Green: Hey-whoa, slow down. No, keep moving. Wow!\nMonica Geller: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?\nRachel Green: Well, I didn't see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nRachel Green: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?\nRachel Green: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, \"I'm Rachel Greep! I'm Rachel Greep!\" and he let her right in.\nMonica Geller: So you hit her in the face?\nRachel Green: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can't believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aww, Pheebs.\nRachel Green: Honey, that's you're name.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!\nMonica Geller: Hey! You're wearing pants!\nChandler Bing: That's right! Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.\nMonica Geller: It's 9:30 in the morning!\nChandler Bing: They got a breakfast buffet.\nMonica Geller: Hello. Oh, hey Ross!\nChandler Bing: Ooh, let me talk to him!\nMonica Geller: Oh-oh, my God!\nChandler Bing: Well, can I just...\nMonica Geller: Shh!! Wait, what?\nChandler Bing: She's shhing me! It's my phone and she's shhing me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh!! Please! What's he saying?\nMonica Geller: He's with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Oh my God!\nRachel Green: What? Who the hell is Emily- noooo!!\nRachel Green: They're in Vermont!! How could this happen?!\nChandler Bing: Ow!\nRachel Green: How-how did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?!\nChandler Bing: Maybe, she doesn't hit him all the time.\nRoss Geller: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldn't be miserable? I'm telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.\nEmily Waltham: Ross! Come quickly! There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!\nRoss Geller: I've gotta go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!\nMonica Geller: He had to go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.\nRachel Green: I don't get this! She was horrible!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'm going to go stand over there.\nMonica Geller: Why do you care so much anyway?\nRachel Green: I don't care! All right, y'know what I'm just upset that I'm getting nowhere with Joshua that-y'know what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!\nMonica Geller: Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know, would you just for once, not remember every...little...thing!!\nChandler Bing: So y'know, uh, when's he getting back?\nMonica Geller: A couple of days.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I knew something like this was going to happen.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?! Chandler! You can't just go back a phase!\nChandler Bing: Yes you can. You're thinking about time, you can't go back in time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, look, why don't you just, why don't you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, come on, we can be guys!\nChandler Bing: No you can't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on! Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys!\nChandler Bing: You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Joey Tribbiani! I'm here! I'm here!\nThe A.D: Calm down, we got time, we're running a little late.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!\nThe A.D: Yeah, we loves 'em. I've never seen him with-\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?\nThe A.D: You.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?\nThe A.D: You?\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, it's uh, it's Heston.\nThe A.D: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.\nThe A.D: There's no way he smells, he's the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be?\nThe A.D: The one with \"Heston\" on it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Interesting.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I've got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?\nChandler Bing: No thanks, Mom!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, 'cause I'm pregnant.\nThe Cigarette Smoking Guy: Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ha-ha, it's not my baby, ha-ha-ha!\nMonica Geller: Very good, so good.\nPhoebe Buffay: I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.\nRachel Green: Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didn't call. I mean you'd think he'd be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on! Look where you are!!\nMonica Geller: When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.\nPhoebe Buffay: Remember, a virgin for me please.\nMonica Geller: Oh! And don't let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, come on! Y'know what-y'know what, I think I'm just gonna go home and call Kathy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you think it will help.\nChandler Bing: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I'm gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I'm gonna get so drunk, I'm gonna wanna call Janice\nPhoebe Buffay: You should! How is she?\nChandler Bing: Ohhh!!\nMonica Geller: I think somebody needs another lap dance.\nCharlton Heston: Hello! Who's in there?\nJoey Tribbiani: How ya doin'?\nCharlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh?\nCharlton Heston: Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I'm an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I'm doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.\nCharlton Heston: You're in this picture?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, I'm one of the cops that won't work with you 'cause you a lose cannon. Anyway, look, I'm really sorry, but I stink!\nCharlton Heston: Joey, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nCharlton Heston: Every actor at one time or another-opp! Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won't even watch himself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no, you don't understand...\nCharlton Heston: Listen to me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, yeah.\nCharlton Heston: I don't know one actor worth his salt that didn't say at one time or another, \"God, I stink!\" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes sir! Yes sir, I'm-I'm-\nCharlton Heston: Wait a minute! Take your pants.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Oh, yeah.\nMonica Geller: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!\nRachel Green: I can't believe it! He still hasn't called.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who, Josh?\nRachel Green: It's Joshua.\nMonica Geller: What, he doesn't like Josh?\nRachel Green: No, I don't.\nChandler Bing: All right, well I'm gonna put my sweats back on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, y'know what, you were right, you were right. We really weren't great at being guys, but you know why? Because we're girls.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: And do you know what girls are really good at?\nChandler Bing: Stripping!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, listening! Sit! Y'know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.\nRachel Green: Yeah, come on! What's going in on in there?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. And y'know, if you wanna cry, that's okay too.\nChandler Bing: Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.\nMonica Geller: Come on! Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn't picture myself with any of them.\nMonica Geller: They really were pretty, weren't they?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Candy! She was so spunky!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I think if I were going to be with a woman. It'd, it'd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.\nRachel Green: See, I don't know, for me it would have to Chantal.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Chantal!\nRachel Green: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh...\nChandler Bing: Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nChandler Bing: I am totally picturing you with all those women!\nMonica Geller: That's-that's not Phase Three.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm there too!\nRachel Green: Well, are we all together? Like in a group?\nChandler Bing: Stop it! You're killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! What is that? What is that?\nChandler Bing: Where I don't want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!\nChandler Bing: Come on, let me see that smile.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't wanna.\nChandler Bing: Please?\nJoey Tribbiani: I wanted to go to the strip club!\nChandler Bing: I know, I know, but you're gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, all right.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey-ooh so, how was Vermont?\nRoss Geller: Emily is...incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. Oh! And you! Rach!\nRachel Green: Oh, hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey! You were so right!\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Uh, what you said, about us being in a place where we could finally be happy for each other.\nRachel Green: Oh, hmm.\nRoss Geller: I mean, I, I-I admit I-I wasn't quite there. Y'know, I mean the thought of you and that-that Josh guy...\nRachel Green: Joshua.\nRoss Geller: Joshua...guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda...y'know.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I...\nRoss Geller: But now! I'm there! I'm totally there! I'm-I'm finally where you are!\nRachel Green: Oh, thank goodness!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and-and thank you for Emily.\nRachel Green: Oh, no problem. I'm so glad I could help. Happy for you.\nRoss Geller: Happy for you.\nRachel Green: No, happy for you!\nChandler Bing: All right ladies, here's what we're gonna do. You are gonna take off my clothes. You two, go get the oils. And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, \"Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I wanna be with her, I like her.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.\nMonica Geller: Wait, now, what am I doing again?\nChandler Bing: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!\nThe Cigarette Guy: Hi, I'm Joshua, I'm here to pick up Rachel.\nRachel Green: No-no-no, that' not Joshua.\nChandler Bing: What do you want from me, I've never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, I'm sorry you can't stay, but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. What are you doing? All right, listen, I've got to wake up!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!\nRachel Green: Chandler, there's a guy right over there.\nChandler Bing: That's a mailman! That's our mailman! Hi. How are ya?\nRachel Green: Chandler, don't worry! This doesn't make you any less of a guy! That does! What am I sitting on? I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?\nRachel Green: Hmm.\nWoman: OH...MY...GAWD!!\nMonica Geller: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, Nothing.\nMonica Geller: Didn't it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know what it did! Nothing.\nMonica Geller: They wouldn't have put it there if it didn't do something! How can you not care?\nJoey Tribbiani: Like this.\nRachel Green: Well, here's another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! It flushes it.\nRachel Green: Okay, good. Now that since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?\nChandler Bing: Hello!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Ah!!\nRachel Green: Guess who we ran into today?!\nMonica Geller: Janice?!\nChandler Bing: Isn't this amazing?\nMonica Geller: How have you been?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh well, I'm divorced.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh, wow.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yeah, I'm riding the alimony pony.\nJoey Tribbiani: And there it is.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I just came up to say, \"Hi!\" Hi! And you, sweetie, I'll see you tonight.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Bye.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Bye.\nChandler Bing: B-bye!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Bye-bye.\nChandler Bing: Bye. I can't stand the woman!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! I thought you were crazy about her!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality-Well, they're all back! Y'know? And she's picked up like nine new ones!\nJoey Tribbiani: So what are you doing bringing her here?! There's people here!\nChandler Bing: Don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it tonight.\nRachel Green: You are not. You have never been able to break up with her.\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't have to break up with her this time. We're not involved! I'm going to do a pre-emptive strike! I'm going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. I'm tellin' ya!\nEmily Waltham: I can't believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such stories about New York.\nRoss Geller: No, it's really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.\nRoss Geller: Help! Help!! Help! Help!!\nEmily Waltham: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. Liam, Devon, this is Ross.\nDevon: Hey, mate.\nLiam: How are ya man?\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? Help! Help!\nEmily Waltham: So how are you? I've been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, I've been rather busy.\nDevon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?\nEmily Waltham: Oh my God. I think you're right.\nLiam: Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was that morning.\nEmily Waltham: Oh, Liam.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or something-or should I call it football?\nDevon: We were playing rugby.\nLiam: In fact we're playing a game at the park tomorrow. You're welcome to play too if you want.\nEmily Waltham: Ross play rugby? I don't think so.\nRoss Geller: What's ah, what's so funny about that?\nEmily Waltham: Well I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here.\nRoss Geller: Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either so...\nDevon: So good then! We'll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers!\nLiam: Cheers!\nRoss Geller: Cheers!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh boy, I just love to sing!\nChandler Bing: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, look at us! Who would've thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails.\nChandler Bing: Okay, we have to talk. I'm just getting out of a very serious relationship...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I know! And I'm just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!\nChandler Bing: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.\nChandler Bing: I hear ya. But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh no! Where to? Too Paris?\nChandler Bing: No! No! Not, Paris.\nChandler Bing: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? Yemen. That's right, yes, I'm being transferred to Yemen!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: When?\nChandler Bing: I don't know exactly.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.\nChandler Bing: But I do know that it's some time tomorrow.\nMonica Geller: Done?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! What's up?\nMonica Geller: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them don't work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet I stopped listening before you did.\nRachel Green: Y'know, you-you also could've used uh, lamps and then followed the light.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well, I'm using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. I hear something! I hear something! Where is it?\nRachel Green: It's coming from Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.\nRoss Geller: Oh, just hold on a second. I'm watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I don't know what the big deal is. I'm man enough to play this sport.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hey there Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Janice.\nChandler Bing: Y'know uh, you didn't really have to help me pack.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you didn't really leave me much choice. Did you?\nChandler Bing: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, what's going on?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm packing. Y'know I'm-I'm packing 'cause I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks for telling me!\nChandler Bing: I'm only going to pretend I'm moving to Yemen, it's the only way I can get rid off her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler! Come on, I'm gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. It's a real space saver.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, I do that 'cause it makes me look taller.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay, Chandler, come on!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Joey, trade lives with me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope. Man look at this! Ross, I can't believe you said you'd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I can handle it! All right?\nRachel Green: Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.\nRoss Geller: That's 'cause-'cause you're mom's dog kept-kept looking at me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. That's called a scrum, okay? It's kinda like a huddle.\nRoss Geller: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! They're gonna kill you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, why are you doing this anyway?\nRoss Geller: Well, you should've seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, he's like Joe Rugby.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're kidding! And he plays rugby?! That's so funny. Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So I'm gonna show her how tough I really am!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest palaeontologist I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It's not like he's...Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Look, don't worry about me. Okay? I'll just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. I'll uh, I'll be that guy right out of the circle.\nEveryone: Oh!\nRachel Green: Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin' at him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy , and that guy . And that one-Dude! They're all huge!\nRoss Geller: They don't look any bigger than me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, maybe that's because you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.\nEmily Waltham: I'm just going to say hi to the lads. All right?\nRoss Geller: All right.\nEmily Waltham: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa! I kinda liked it.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I know what I have to do. I've got to go Red Ross. Y'know, Red Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: I totally don't know what you're talking about.\nRoss Geller: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRoss Geller: You'll see.\nEmily Waltham: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, it's his first time.\nLiam: You don't say!\nEmily Waltham: Good luck, babe.\nLiam: Ross! Ross! Come on! Get in here! Ross! Come on!\nLiam: Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!\nRoss Geller: JOEY!!!!!!\nRachel Green: You...are...not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?\nMonica Geller: He asked you out?!\nRachel Green: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.\nMonica Geller: Saucy!\nRachel Green: What are these?\nMonica Geller: Electrical plans for the building.\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?\nMonica Geller: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.\nRachel Green: Wow! If only more people knew.\nChandler Bing: Y'know you, really didn't have to take me to the airport.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Y'know? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends don't really seem to care too much that you're leaving.\nChandler Bing: Well, we're really not that close. Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: On no! No! It's not good-bye, I'm not leaving until you get on that plane.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Then I guess it's just, wait here then. Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.\nTicket Counter Attendant: One ticket to Yemen?\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.\nTicket Counter Attendant: I'm sorry sir, I don't understand.\nChandler Bing: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?\nTicket Counter Attendant: Are you travelling with a child?\nChandler Bing: No. All right, y'know what, she's gonna think that I'm handing you a credit card, but what I'm really gonna do is hand you a library card.\nTicket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we don't take library cards.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What's the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?\nChandler Bing: American Express?\nEmily Waltham: I can't believe they're doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!\nPhoebe Buffay: No offence but, y'know sometimes it's hard to understand you, y'know with the accent, so...\nEmily Waltham: That's just halftime, there's more of this.\nRoss Geller: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!\nEmily Waltham: Right.\nRoss Geller: Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?\nEmily Waltham: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. I-I think I'm dying. I really do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, poor baby.\nRoss Geller: Tell my son that I love him. Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!\nEmily Waltham: Ross, they are killing you out there!\nRoss Geller: That's not true!\nPhoebe Buffay: She's right! You have to stop!\nRoss Geller: What? No! No, I'm not stopping. I'm Red Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, if you go back out there, you're gonna be Dead Ross!\nRoss Geller: I don't care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!\nEmily Waltham: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.\nRoss Geller: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.\nEmily Waltham: No. That's not what I'm saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.\nRoss Geller: I like that.\nEmily Waltham: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nEmily Waltham: One swift kick and he'll back off.\nRoss Geller: All right, bad ankle, got it!\nEmily Waltham: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesn't wear a cup.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!\nEmily Waltham: And uh, Liam, Liam's got bad knees. You hit him right and he'll go down like a lamp.\nRoss Geller: But-but, Liam's on my team.\nEmily Waltham: I don't care! You just get him!\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in!\nJoey Tribbiani: The Red Ross! Okay.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: What-what are-what are these?\nMonica Geller: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they'd brighten up the place. They do don't you think?\nMonica Geller: No-no-no, no!\nMonica Geller: I know that there's no hole there, I just really liked that picture.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Look at this!\nMonica Geller: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!\nRachel Green: I don't care! The wires have come loose in your head!\nMonica Geller: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.\nRachel Green: And did you?!\nMonica Geller: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.\nMonica Geller: But it didn't. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nMrs. Chatracus: Hello darling.\nRachel Green: Hello, Mrs. Chatracus.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, are you sure you don't want to go see a doctor?\nRoss Geller: Oh no! That-that'll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Y'know what? I'm buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, it's in my pocket.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure.\nRoss Geller: No, not you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, look, your eye's still popping out a little, I'm gonna go get some ice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice!\nEmily Waltham: You were amazing out there.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I kinda was, wasn't I?\nEmily Waltham: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven't done that since I was four and I washed my dad's Porsche with rocks.\nEmily Waltham: You really enjoyed yourself didn't you?\nRoss Geller: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody nose-I mean I-I'm not proud of it but, I really am. And it's all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.\nEmily Waltham: I think you've got concussion.\nRoss Geller: No, no, I'm serious. Thank you.\nEmily Waltham: You're welcome. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?\nRoss Geller: It's worth the pain. Y'know what, you know what? It's not.\nTicket Counter Attendant: This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.\nChandler Bing: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I'll wait for you. Do you even know how long you're going to be gone?\nChandler Bing: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh. Well, I'll right you everyday. 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.\nChandler Bing: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: No!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No! No! I wanna see you take-off.\nChandler Bing: Well, I then guess I'm going to Yemen! I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?\nMonica Geller: All right. The super couldn't figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldn't figure out what it did. I've had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.\nRachel Green: Thank God.\nMonica Geller: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: See? I'm doing it. I am totally doing it. I lost it."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: What is it hon?\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I can't find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake-ooh! Cake! No.\nMonica Geller: Aww, honey I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: God! Ooh! What is that smell? It's coming from the bathroom. Ooh!\nChandler Bing: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen there's something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is it the shampoo? It's guava.\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Wait-wait! Is it my bologna sandwich?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I can't eat meat!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, wait-wait! Maybe it's a pickle?!\nChandler Bing: What are you writing?\nRachel Green: Well, Joshua's coming in tomorrow and since I don't have the guts to ask him out, I'm going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you never go out of style-what did you throw away?\nChandler Bing: Hi guys!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what have you guys been up too?\nRoss Geller: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.\nChandler Bing: Without me?!\nEmily Waltham: My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really interesting.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nEmily Waltham: They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that!\nMonica Geller: I don't know how museums work in England but, here, you're not supposed to take stuff.\nEmily Waltham: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. It's a joke.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nEmily Waltham: Right, I've got to be off, I'll see ya. Buh-bye then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, she's-she's amazing. And-and she's so much fun. And! Y'know what? When I'm with her, I'm fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. She's leaving in two days, I don't have to do it.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, she's got to go back to London. But you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and that's it. Y'know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey that's what all my relationships are like.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but in Ross's case, they both know in two weeks that's it.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hello! Hello!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y'know? And I got nauseous.\nChandler Bing: Maybe that's because soy-burgers suck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too.\nJoshua Burgin: Okay!\nRachel Green: Oh, here's that trench-coat that you wanted.\nJoshua Burgin: Oh great! Wow! Yeah, it's comfortable.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoshua Burgin: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no, no-no, they don't want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.\nJoshua Burgin: Why not?!\nRachel Green: Well, that's because of a lot of...\nJoshua Burgin: Y'know, they ruin it for everybody.\nRachel Green: I know!\nJoshua Burgin: Y'know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.\nRachel Green: Oh?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.\nRachel Green: Well, congratulations, so do you love her?\nJoshua Burgin: No, no, no, she's nice but, y'know, it just it made me realize that I'm just not, I'm just not ready to be dating, y'know?\nRachel Green: Huh. Well, uh, that's uh, that's interesting.\nJoshua Burgin: Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?\nRachel Green: Oh, it's just an anti-theft device.\nJoshua Burgin: Then uh, what's-what's this?\nRachel Green: You need that, you need that too 'cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up.\nRachel Green: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.\nChandler Bing: What are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what' going on?\nRachel Green: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it's actually for Joshua. Look, he said he's not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him!\nRoss Geller: Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I aren't going to be here. All right? I mean, she's going to come by first to say good-bye, and then I've got a whole special evening planned. So I'm sorry, no party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Awwww!\nEmily Waltham: Hello?\nRachel Green: Surprise!!!\nEmily Waltham: No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before!\nRachel Green: Well, it was all Ross's idea.\nEmily Waltham: You're so sweet! And I'm so surprised!\nRoss Geller: You really didn't know?\nChandler Bing: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there?\nRachel Green: Uhh, because I'm trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he's looking over here, say something funny.\nChandler Bing: Like what?\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what-what is so funny?\nChandler Bing: I said, \"Like what?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Now that's a thinker.\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what, y'know what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. Okay. Okay. Hi!\nJoshua Burgin: Hi!\nRachel Green: Care for a cherry?\nJoshua Burgin: Oh, no thanks.\nRachel Green: No? Y'know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue.\nJoshua Burgin: You okay? You all right?\nRoss Geller: So we should probably get going soon.\nEmily Waltham: Oh, but the party's only just getting started!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then y'know, then The Plaza for dinner.\nEmily Waltham: So why did you plan a party at the same time?\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. It's usually, \"Surprise!\" And then, \"Oh my God, I'm so surprised-good-bye!\"\nEmily Waltham: But Ross, I'm such having a great time! Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties.\nRoss Geller: Monica said that did she?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?\nJoey Tribbiani: A little salami.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pastrami.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh, yeah. You're a genius.\nRachel Green: Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Up!\nMonica Geller: You changed?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.\nMonica Geller: And lucky means, more cleavage?\nChandler Bing: Does for me.\nRachel Green: Ohh, God! Look at him, he's so cute. I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: There was a seen in Footloose...\nChandler Bing: Flashdance.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl...\nChandler Bing: She was a welder.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Were you like in the movie, or... Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.\nMonica Geller: Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.\nRachel Green: It's not Christmas!\nMonica Geller: Or Spin the Bottle?\nRachel Green: He's not 11!\nEmily Waltham: Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.\nRachel Green: What? You're leaving?!\nRoss Geller: Yes, we have something we have to get to.\nJoshua Burgin: Uhh, yeah, I think I'm going to take-off too.\nRachel Green: No! You guys can't leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole big thing planned!\nRoss Geller: What big thing?\nRachel Green: So, Spin The Bottle works like this I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther's face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?\nEmily Waltham: I'll go.\nEveryone: Yay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Welcome to America.\nMonica Geller: Two in a row! You've got to use your tongues now!\nRachel Green: Yay! Emily!\nChandler Bing: What are the odds? What are the odds?\nRoss Geller: Okay, that-that's enough! Y'know, let's, let's let someone else play.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you didn't want to play, why did you come to the party?\nRachel Green: Okay, my turn!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!\nEveryone: Ohh!\nRachel Green: It's okay! It's okay! It kicked once, it'll kick again!\nEveryone: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.\nRachel Green: Just a bug.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know it doesn't matter how much I'm craving it. Y'know why I'm never gonna eat meat? Because it's murder, cold blooded murder.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right look, y'know how-y'know how when you're dating someone and you don't want to cheat on them, unless it's with someone really hot?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, totally!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you're going to do something wrong, do it right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Feel better now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I'm gonna eat like, y'know millions of cows.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, suppose until the baby's born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-you'd just be eating my animals.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There's no meat in beer, right?\nRoss Geller: Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away.\nEmily Waltham: But, we can't go now. It looks like Rachel's gonna put on a skit.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?\nRachel Green: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasn't working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.\nMonica Geller: Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can't let-, actually I kinda want to see what happens.\nJoshua Burgin: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoshua Burgin: Nice uh, costume.\nRachel Green: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! Ready! Okay! Gimme an 'E!'\nEveryone: E!\nRachel Green: Gimme an 'M!'\nEveryone: M!\nRachel Green: Gimme an 'I!'\nEveryone: I!\nRachel Green: Gimme an 'L!'\nEveryone: L!\nRachel Green: Gimme a 'Y!'\nEveryone: Y!\nRachel Green: What do you get? Emily!! Emil-Whoa!! Okay! So that's me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum!\nRachel Green: I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm just losing a tooth, it's no big deal. I have a dentist! Y'know. I'm gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. What do I do now? What do I do now?\nMonica Geller: I think you're done.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, time to take off the bra.\nJoshua Burgin: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.\nJoey Tribbiani: Take the bra off.\nRachel Green: All right, come on, let's go get your coat.\nJoshua Burgin: Okay.\nGunther: Rachel is my girlfriend.\nJoshua Burgin: So, this was uh, really fun.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah! Real fun. Y'know, this bra... Really, bothers me. Y'know, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, y'know what they'd say? Wanna hear some memories?\nJoshua Burgin: Need uh, need a little hand there.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.\nJoshua Burgin: You really don't seem like you do. That's...\nRachel Green: Ughhhh!! Forget it! This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.\nJoshua Burgin: Well, what was supposed to happen?\nRachel Green: Can you not look at me when I say this? I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.\nJoshua Burgin: Huh. Oh, boy! Uhh, I-I don't wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm sorry, I thought you needed them!\nJoshua Burgin: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.\nRachel Green: Why?!\nJoshua Burgin: Because I-I like you.\nRachel Green: You like me?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah! I mean you're-you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated-a lot of this isn't based on tonight.\nRachel Green: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can't believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!\nJoshua Burgin: But...\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no don't say but! No-no, but's never good! Let's just leave it at, you like me and I like you.\nJoshua Burgin: Okay uh, however...\nRachel Green: Oh, now see that's a fancy but.\nJoshua Burgin: My marriage like just ended, and I'm really not ready to get into anything yet.\nRachel Green: But...\nJoshua Burgin: I'm sorry, I, I just need a little time.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua's gone so you and Emily are free to go.\nRoss Geller: That's okay. She's still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, it's too late to do any of the things I had planned, so...\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, I'm sorry. I completely ruined your evening.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.\nRoss Geller: Helps a little.\nRachel Green: Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, have a seat.\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry.\nRoss Geller: That's okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didn't want it to end this way, y'know?\nRachel Green: Well, maybe you didn't want it to end?\nRoss Geller: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: You seem to really like her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment.\nRachel Green: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.\nRoss Geller: You think?\nRachel Green: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you're right.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. What photo album was it?\nRachel Green: I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: You're a pathetic loser, right?\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho, yeah!\nRachel Green: Sit!\nJoshua Burgin: Hi.\nRachel Green: Oh my gosh, Joshua!\nJoshua Burgin: All those things I said about not being ready...\nRachel Green: They're not true?\nJoshua Burgin: No, they're-they're all true.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoshua Burgin: But...\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh, I love that but.\nRachel Green: You wanna go inside and have some coffee?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Okay. Every time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooh, what you got there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Pastrami.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y'know what goes good with that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hm-mm, corn beef.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that's much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?\nPhoebe Buffay: Six months.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Not if I get there first."}
{"text": "Mr. Treeger: Ohhh, man!!\nJoey Tribbiani: What is that?\nChandler Bing: Treeger's snaking the shower drain.\nMr. Treeger: What in the name of hell?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe he found you flip-flop.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Is this porn? What did I do? I must've hit something on the remote.\nChandler Bing: Do we pay for this?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, we didn't even pay our cable bill-maybe this is how they punish us.\nChandler Bing: Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill-free phone sex.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill?\nMr. Treeger: Whoa, hey, that lady's all kinds of naked.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!\nMr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and bam! It was like finding money.\nChandler Bing: Like finding money with naked people on it!\nMr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And I'm sad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would he turn off the TV?\nRachel Green: All right, y'know what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat?\nChandler Bing: We don't know what could make this go away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!\nChandler Bing: And no one touches the air around the TV!\nJoey Tribbiani: Imagine a protective porn bubble if you will, okay?\nMonica Geller: Well at least, I'm going to mute it.\nChandler Bing: We still have porn.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Honey, what are you doing? That's too heavy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Give it here. Oh, God.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, I'm getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Y'know, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table.\nChandler Bing: Or a job where you don't have to carry a table.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean like a doctor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! You're blocking the porn! Look out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! Oh my. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see my OB-GYN today.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: So uh, Emily just went to the airport.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Why didn't you take her?\nRoss Geller: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And y'know, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so...\nMonica Geller: You must feel horrible. Hey! The guys have free porn!\nRoss Geller: Nah.\nMonica Geller: Hey, cheer up! You're gonna see her again, right?\nRoss Geller: Well I, that's the thing, I don't know! I mean, whenever I brought it up with her she said, \"This is so fantastic! Why do we have to talk about the future? Let's just enjoy...\"\nMonica Geller: No-no-no, don't-don't do the accent. You've got to see her again.\nRoss Geller: And why do you care so much?\nMonica Geller: Because! You could get to live out my fantasy!\nRoss Geller: You had fantasies about Emily?\nMonica Geller: No! Y'know, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.\nRoss Geller: Is that why in junior high you were the only one that hung out with that Ukrainian kid?\nMonica Geller: Yeah that, plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything!\nRoss Geller: Ahh.\nMonica Geller: Do you love her?\nRoss Geller: We said it was only going to be two weeks, y'know?\nMonica Geller: You love her!\nRoss Geller: What-what is love really?\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, I knew you loved her! Then you need to go to the airport and tell her. You're probably just gonna catch her just as she's about to go to the gate. You're gonna call out her name and say, \"I love you!\" And she's gonna say, \"I love you, too!\" And you guys are going to have the most amazing kiss, everyone at the gate will applaud.\nRoss Geller: I am a good kisser.\nMonica Geller: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in... I've been watching too much porn.\nRachel Green: Is that the heartbeat?\nThe Doctor: That's it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Oh wow! This is so cool.\nThe Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't take care of this one, and should I get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay?\nThe Doctor: No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats.\nPhoebe Buffay: Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one!\nThe Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah.\nRachel Green: Well, so, are-are you sure that there are three?!\nThe Doctor: Definitely.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months I'm going to have three full grown babies just walkin' around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And it's gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!\nThe Doctor: Actually, giving birth to three babies isn't that different from giving birth to one.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you know?!\nAlice Knight: Oh-oh, Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! Hi!\nAlice Knight: Hi! So, how did it go at the doctors?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, okay, hey, y'know how when you're umm, you're walking down the street and you see three people in a row, and you say, \"Oh, that's nice?\"\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah well, good news, you're going to have three babies.\nAlice Knight: Three babies?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I finally got my band!\nAlice Knight: We're gonna have a big family, I've always wanted a big family!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, I'm so glad you guys are happy, I was so afraid you were going to be all freaked.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Why would we be freaked?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no maybe 'cause it's harder to raise them, and the added expense, and...\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh.\nAlice Knight: Right.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, back to happy. Back to happy!\nAlice Knight: No-no-no, no, it's going to be fine. Because umm, because I teach Home Ec, and uh, I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long. Y'know it'll-it'll be like my very own little sweatshop.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I've been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job.\nAlice Knight: No, Frank.\nPhoebe Buffay: No you can't quit college! No! You're in college? Really?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, refrigerator college.\nAlice Knight: Yeah.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, y'know when we found out we were going to have a baby, y'know I figured y'know like I should y'know have like a career-and I love refrigerators!\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't give up on your dream.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No, it's okay. We're-we're gonna have three kids! And that's-that's a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money.\nTicket Agent: This is the boarding call for Flight 009.\nRoss Geller: Emily!\nEmily Waltham: Oh my God! What are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: I just, I had to see you one more time before you took-off.\nEmily Waltham: You are so sweet.\nRoss Geller: That's, that's, that's a big candy bar. I had the most amazing time with you.\nEmily Waltham: Me too.\nTicket Agent: This is the final boarding call for Flight 009.\nEmily Waltham: Well, that' me. Here, have this. I'm only allowed one piece of carryon anyway.\nRoss Geller: Wait uh, listen. I-I, I have to tell you something. Umm, I've been thinking, I'm just gonna come out and say it. Okay? I-I-I ah, I-I think I love you.\nEmily Waltham: Oh. Thank you.\nRoss Geller: That's no problem.\nRachel Green: What's that song? It has been in my head all day long.\nChandler Bing: It's the theme from Good Will Humping.\nRachel Green: Y'know who doesn't even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend Joshua.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah right.\nRachel Green: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?\nRachel Green: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he likes porn.\nMonica Geller: Where ya going?\nRachel Green: I'm going to find out if he really thinks supermodels are too skinny. Hey, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: How did it go with Frank and Alice?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you about, 'cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.\nChandler Bing: They don't really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.\nMonica Geller: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?\nRoss Geller: I did.\nMonica Geller: And well, what did she say?\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're totally welcome! What'd she say?\nRoss Geller: She said, \"Thank you.\" I said, \"I love you.\" And she said, \"Thank you.\"\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa, wait a minute, did you say, you love her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what were you trying to get her to do?!\nRoss Geller: What do I do now?\nJoey Tribbiani: You play hard to get.\nRoss Geller: She already lives in London.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then you go to Tokyo.\nChandler Bing: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, it's over.\nMonica Geller: It is not over! You're over!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: You know!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Good one.\nMonica Geller: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldn't, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! But if she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, y'know just to she what's going on, and, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over.\nJoey Tribbiani: Way to be strong, man!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hi! Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television? We need a porn break. We spent the last two hours watching In & Out & In, Again.\nRachel Green: Well, so, why don't you just turn it off?\nChandler Bing: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, good, you're hear! Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRachel Green: Well, what-what 'cha got there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh this, well I'm glad you asked. Now, don't you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? Ahh! Now, I know what you're thinking...\nChandler Bing: Pregnant Woman Slays Four?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, they didn't make you pay for those knives, did they?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nMonica Geller: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nRachel Green: Honey, you're not gonna make enough money to help Frank and Alice just by selling knives.\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, I know that, but I just have to make enough money for the second part of my plan.\nChandler Bing: What's the second part of your plan?\nPhoebe Buffay: My Saturn dealership.\nRoss Geller: Hello?\nEmily Waltham: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Emily, hi! Uh, how-how was you flight?\nEmily Waltham: It was dreadful. I felt terrible about how I acted when you said those wonderful things.\nRoss Geller: No, no, that-that, that's all right. Umm, I'm just glad you called.\nEmily Waltham: Ross umm, there's something that I've got to tell you, there's-there's someone else.\nRoss Geller: Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?\nRoss Geller: She doesn't know which one of us she wants, me or this Colin guy.\nMonica Geller: This isn't how it's supposed to go, there can't be another guy.\nRoss Geller: Well...\nMonica Geller: Of course there's another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love!\nRoss Geller: I'm not proving anything. Okay, I'm done listening to you. If I hadn't let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never would've put my fist through the wall!\nChandler Bing: You put your fist through the wall?\nRoss Geller: No, I missed and hit the door. But, it opened really hard!\nMonica Geller: You have to go to London!\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you have to go fight for her!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, sure, that makes sense. Yeah. 'Cause you already told her you love her and she didn't say it back, then she called you and told you that there's another guy, so yeah, go to London that'll scare her!\nMonica Geller: When Rachel was with Paulo, what did you do?\nRoss Geller: I made fun of his accent.\nMonica Geller: You sat back and let him have her, you didn't fight at all. Am I right? Do you want the same thing to happen with Emily?\nRoss Geller: No.\nMonica Geller: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!\nRoss Geller: Really?\nMonica Geller: Come on! Surprise her! Show up at her doorstep! Don't let her go without a fight!\nRoss Geller: All right. All right, I'm gonna do it!\nMonica Geller: All right.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to London and I'm going to fight for her.\nMonica Geller: Okay, good luck!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! Ross! If you're going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars?\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh-Ooh! I did it! I did it! I figured out a way to make money! I'm gonna open up my own massage place and Frank's gonna help me! And! We can work it around his schedule so he doesn't have to quit school!\nMonica Geller: That's sounds great, but how are you going to afford it?\nRachel Green: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm telling it! I'm telling it!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. You know how people need transportation, but they also need massages to help them relax so I just figured we could combine the two, okay, I give the massages and Frank drives! I can fix up the van, bolt the table in the back, and you know what I've got?\nChandler Bing: A place where no one will ever get out alive?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Think about it, it's a taxi that people take when they need to relax, it's...\nRachel Green: Relaxi-Taxi!\nPhoebe Buffay: The name was my favourite part!\nRachel Green: Well, well I can up with it!\nPhoebe Buffay: YOU DID NOT!!!! Oh! No! You came up with Relaxi Cab! That's not good.\nRachel Green: Well, I...\nMonica Geller: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Ross, are you in England? Was Emily surprised?\nRoss Geller: No, because she hasn't come home yet. And she hasn't been home all night! She's obviously staying with that other guy, and I'm the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment!\nMonica Geller: All right. When is, when is the next flight out?\nRoss Geller: About four hours.\nMonica Geller: Okay, just stay there a couple more hours and if she doesn't show up by then, then just come on home.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi, and-and ask him if he thinks that's better than Relaxi Cab.\nRachel Green: Okay, it's not Relaxi Cab. It's Relaxicab, like taxicab.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that is better.\nChandler Bing: Are we in London?\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here? You can't be here!\nEmily Waltham: I've uh, I've come to talk to Ross.\nEmily Waltham: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing. No, nothing.\nEmily Waltham: I was going to call him, but...\nMonica Geller: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! I was right! I'm right, right?\nEmily Waltham: I'd really rather talk to him.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nEmily Waltham: I uh, I've been to his apartment and he wasn't there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?\nEmily Waltham: Ross, are you there? Ross, I don't know if you can hear this but... I'm gonna talk anyway, uh, I'm in the States with you sister and your friends and it's all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell you-Yes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.\nRoss Geller: I love you too! I'm, I'm gonna call you right now from the phone booth! You can't hear me.\nEmily Waltham: I wish I could know if you'd heard any of that. I suppose I've either just told you I love you or given my neighbours a good laugh. Mrs. Newman if you're listening, bugger off this in none of your business. I suppose there's not much chance you did heard that, and there's the call waiting so, I should go. Oh well. Hello.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nEmily Waltham: Ross, I love you!\nRoss Geller: Ohh! Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault.\nJoey Tribbiani: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza delivery guy come over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves!\nChandler Bing: What, no, \"Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Noo! Nothing!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, we have to turn off the porn.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think you're right.\nChandler Bing: All right, ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: One.\nChandler Bing: Two.\nBoth: Three.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's kinda nice.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that's kinda a relief.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You wanna see if we still have it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: FREE PORN!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!!\nChandler Bing: We have free porn here!!!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ha-ha. No, it's just I'm so pregnant that I-my guitar doesn't fit anymore. So I thought 'til I'm not, I'm just gonna play all my songs on this drum. It sounds really cool!\nChandler Bing: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen. Listen. Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, Pheebs! That sounds great!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! I know, and I've only been playing for like an hour!\nAlice Knight: Phoebe! Phoebe! Hi! Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! What are you doing here?\nAlice Knight: Umm, actually, I came down to ask you a big favour.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, don't tell me you want to keep more of your stuff in my uterus.\nAlice Knight: No. No. No. Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR.\nChandler Bing: Wouldn't that be Frank the III?\nAlice Knight: Don't get me started. Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! That's so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.\nAlice Knight: You think about it.\nEmily Waltham: I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you don't think your son will think it's yours and be horribly traumatised?\nRoss Geller: Hey, if mommy can have a wife, daddy can have a bra.\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, it's time to go.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no-no-no, see, that-that clock's a little fast, uh, we have 17 minutes. Huh, what can we do in 17 minutes? Twice?\nEmily Waltham: Well that's ambitious.\nRoss Geller: Hey, uh, you can ignore that.\nEmily Waltham: That's Carol with your son!\nRoss Geller: Uhh, believe me when he's older, he'll understand.\nCarol Willick: Ross!\nRoss Geller: I'll be right there. Hello! Hello! Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.\nSusan Bunch: Hey, it's so nice to finally meet you!\nEmily Waltham: Me too!\nCarol Willick: Ohh, y'know, Susan's gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.\nSusan Bunch: Oh yeah, I'm so excited, I've never been there.\nEmily Waltham: Oh, well, I'll show you around.\nSusan Bunch: That would be great! Also, uh, I was hoping to catch a show so if you can make any suggestions...\nEmily Waltham: Oh, there's tonnes of terrific stuff-I'll go with you!\nSusan Bunch: Ahh!\nRoss Geller: Look at you two, bonding, making us late for the airport so...\nEmily Waltham: Are you all right?\nSusan Bunch: Oh, he's fine. He's fine. It's just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesn't like me.\nRoss Geller: Oh come on! That's-that's... true.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh! No! This is so hard! I went through this whole book and found nothing! I want a name that's really like, y'know strong and confident, y'know? Like-like Exxon.\nChandler Bing: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm-I'm not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with \"The.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joey's your pal. Joey's your buddy. \"Where is everybody?\" \"Well, they're hanging out with Joey.\"\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what, if you're gonna do that, if you're gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. Oh, come on! Chandler's funny, sophisticated, and he's very loveable, once you get to know him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, hey, Joey's loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, he'll be there.\nChandler Bing: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, he'll be there. And he'll bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that you're really hot.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do ya say? What do ya say?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. But, all right, I don't-maybe I'll just name him The Hulk.\nJoey Tribbiani: I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it! That's what I wanted to name my kid!\nRachel Green: Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? It really creeps me out choosing other people's sex clothes.\nRachel Green: Sorry. I'm so exited! I've been waiting for this for months! I got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! I'm making him a very fancy meal.\nMonica Geller: Um-hmm.\nRachel Green: What am I making him by the way?\nMonica Geller: Well, you're making him a frieze salad with goat cheese and pine nuts, wild nuts, wild rice, roast asparagus, and salmon au croup.\nRachel Green: I thought I was making him filet mignon?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you bitched about it, then you would stop cooking, and you would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.\nRachel Green: Wow, I really get crabby when I cook.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: So uh, Emily called last night...\nChandler Bing: And now you're giving me the message!\nRoss Geller: Turns out them Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah, they're going to the theatre together! They're going to dinner! They're going horseback riding!\nPhoebe Buffay: God, Susan is so fun!\nRoss Geller: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for Like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was \"My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great.\"\nChandler Bing: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?\nRoss Geller: Hey, they're going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Y'know they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playful-didn't you see Personal Best?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but I'm gonna!\nChandler Bing: Hi! Hi! You're crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.\nRoss Geller: How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I definitely. I don't like the name Ross.\nRoss Geller: What a weird way to kick me when I'm down.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! I-I meant for the baby!\nRoss Geller: Oh. What's wrong with Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's just y'know that something like this would never to like The Hulk, y'know...\nRoss Geller: Actually that-that's not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found... Y'know, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriend's a lesbian.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I decided I'm definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Raymond Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: Someone you didn't make up!\nChandler Bing: Okay, there are no famous Joey's. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that guy really hurt us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, how about a compromise then, okay? What if it's like y'know, Chanoey?\nChandler Bing: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, he'll never be President. There's never gonna be a President Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right look man, I didn't want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! It's not even a name; it's barely even a word. Okay? It's kinda like chandelier, but it's not! All right? It's a stupid, stupid non-name!\nChandler Bing: Wow, you're, you're right. I have a horrible, horrible name.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry man, I didn't-I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: So I guess it's Joey then!\nJoshua Burgin: This is so nice. Thank you for doing this.\nRachel Green: Ohh, please! Cooking soothes me. Ahh. So, dig in!\nJoshua Burgin: Great! Oh, it all looks sooo good!\nRachel Green: Hmmm!\nJoshua Burgin: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Oh I know, my God, this is so-this rice is so-I am so good.\nJoshua Burgin: Behind you?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. They used to live here; sometimes they migrate back over.\nJoshua Burgin: Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. It's just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure, okay. Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in.\nRachel Green: All gone! So, farm birds, huh?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, it's-it's my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I would've told you about it, but I didn't know they would be here.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoshua Burgin: So, all right.\nRachel Green: Okay. So, can I serve you a little of-What? What? What?\nJoshua Burgin: Nothing I uh, it's just that I know that they're still out there.\nRachel Green: But, they're across the hall! I mean that's two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.\nJoshua Burgin: Okay, that's-that's not funny. Uhh.\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know, would you feel better if we went someplace else? I mean we could pack all this stuff up and y'know go to your apartment.\nJoshua Burgin: Oh, they're working on this week, it's a total mess. But uh, I'm staying at my parents' house, we could go there.\nRachel Green: Your parents'?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, they're out of town.\nRachel Green: Ohh.\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah-yeah, it's this huge place, and-and it's got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?\nRachel Green: Yeah that works.\nJoshua Burgin: They-they-they can smell fear.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nCarol Willick: Hey! How's Ben?\nRoss Geller: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, \"No.\" I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, \"No.\" I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, \"No.\" So, he's sweeping.\nCarol Willick: Hey, Ben! Hey!\nRoss Geller: So umm, any word from Susan?\nCarol Willick: Ooh, yeah! She said she's having sooo much fun with Emily.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, by the by, did it uh, did it ever occur to you that, I don't know, maybe they might be having a little too much fun?\nCarol Willick: What's too much fun?\nRoss Geller: Y'know, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.\nCarol Willick: Oh my God, you are so paranoid!\nRoss Geller: Am I?!\nCarol Willick: Yes!\nRoss Geller: Am I?!\nCarol Willick: I can't speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Y'know? Say-say they're coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, they're laughing, y'know, someone innocently touches someone else... There's electricity, it's new. It's exciting. Are you telling me there isn't even the slightest possibility of something happening?\nCarol Willick: Maybe.\nRoss Geller: OH MY GOD!! I didn't really believe it until you just said it!!\nJoshua Burgin: ...and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!\nRachel Green: Wow! This place is fabulous!\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, yeah, let me show you around. This is the uh, downstairs living room.\nRachel Green: Whoa-whoa, there's two living rooms? God, growing up here, this place must've been a real babe magnet.\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, well, it would've been, but uh, my parents just moved here.\nRachel Green: Ohh, you should know, this place is a real babe magnet. Wanna make out?\nJoshua Burgin: Hey, here's an idea. Why don't uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?\nRachel Green: That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?\nJoshua Burgin: Oh yeah, yeah uh, it's down the hall and uh, second door to your left.\nRachel Green: Ah.\nMrs. Burgin: Oh, hi, darling!\nJoshua Burgin: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?\nMrs. Burgin: Oh, well we cut the trip short.\nMr. Burgin: France sucks!\nJoshua Burgin: Umm, this may be a little weird, but I-I-I got a date here.\nMrs. Burgin: Oh, say no more!\nMr. Burgin: We'll just grab some food and take it with us right upstairs, and we'll be right out of you hair.\nJoshua Burgin: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didn't even get to Italy?\nMr. Burgin: Yep, sucks!\nRachel Green: Hi you!\nJoshua Burgin: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: I know, I can do more than cook.\nMr. Burgin: I like her. She sees smart.\nJoshua Burgin: Uhh, Rachel, my parents...\nRachel Green: Ohh! It's so nice to meet you. Hello.\nMr. Burgin: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nMrs. Burgin: Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.\nRachel Green: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is not-that's-that's not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. It's-it's, they're-they're wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdale's, so... And obviously in uh, in-in this case, I am going to report back, \"USA not ready.\"\nMrs. Burgin: Maybe in L.A?\nRachel Green: Yes!\nJoshua Burgin: There you go.\nMr. Burgin: So, have you kids eaten yet?\nRachel Green: Well, we were going to do that after-I mean umm, next.\nMr. Burgin: Well, we're starving, why don't we all go get something to eat?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, well... Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin' around the house.\nMr. Burgin: So... We go eat.\nRachel Green: Yes.\nMr. Burgin: You'll wear that. We'll be eating, and of course, you'll be wearing that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I am sorry about what I said!\nChandler Bing: No, no, you're right, it is a ridiculous name!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not that bad.\nChandler Bing: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you're just Bing?\nChandler Bing: I have no name.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?\nChandler Bing: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.\nJoey Tribbiani: No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Gene.\nChandler Bing: It's Clint. It's Clint!\nJoey Tribbiani: See you later, Gene.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye, Gene.\nChandler Bing: It's Clint! Clint!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's up with Gene?\nMonica Geller: So, you wore your nightie to dinner?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Oh, no!\nRachel Green: No, it's all right. I got nice boobs.\nRoss Geller: So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!\nRachel Green: So?\nRoss Geller: So! Poetry? Susan's gay! They're being gay together!\nMonica Geller: Emily's straight.\nRoss Geller: Oh, wake up!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, Carol really messed you up!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous, sycophant. All right, so I don't know what sycophant means, but the rest is right.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't know what you're talking about, I am not a crazy, jealous person.\nRachel Green: Huh.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: She's totally right! When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark and there was nothing going on.\nMonica Geller: This totally makes sense!\nRoss Geller: It does not!\nMonica Geller: Oh, sure it does! In high school, you weren't jealous at all even though all your girlfriends were cheating on you!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, all right, so up until '92-93 he was very trusting, then '94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!\nRachel Green: Absolutely! Absolutely!\nMonica Geller: This is so much fun!\nRoss Geller: This is not fun!\nMonica Geller: Look, all we're trying to say is, don't let what happened with Carol ruin what you got with Emily.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. The '92 Ross wouldn't.\nRoss Geller: Well, I still think I was right about that whole Mark thing.\nRachel Green: What-yeah-what, y'know what? I hope Emily is a lesbian.\nPhoebe Buffay: Drum roll.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah, you're not tall enough to be a Mark, but you might make a good Barney.\nChandler Bing: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're actually going through with this?\nChandler Bing: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, it's probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women... So, as of 4 o'clock tomorrow, I'm either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.\nPhoebe Buffay: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In fact-yes, I'm, I'm sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, I'm-I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna name the baby Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nChandler Bing: You wanna hug it out?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!\nChandler Bing: Yay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay-oh-yay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, uh...\nChandler Bing: Bye, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, bye!\nChandler Bing: Ha! Ha! Ha!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh!\nRoss Geller: Nice luggage.\nCarol Willick: I was gonna say...\nSusan Bunch: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nEmily Waltham: Hey! I missed you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I missed you too.\nSusan Bunch: Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.\nEmily Waltham: Oh, so did I.\nRoss Geller: No tongue."}
{"text": "The Singing Man: Morning's here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning's here! The morning's here!\nRachel Green: HEY!! Do you have to do that? It's Saturday!\nThe Singing Man: Oh come on! Morning's here! Morning's here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here!\nRachel Green: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding? I love that guy! Morning's here! Morning is here-\nRachel Green: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I have all the space I need. Just do what I did.\nRachel Green: Monica, you don't even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: See, this is a great apartment.\nMonica Geller: Shut up! This place is a hole!\nEmily Waltham: Oh, blimey, I still can't believe you've got an earring!\nRoss Geller: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe?\nEmily Waltham: He does that?!\nRoss Geller: Uh, I don't know, whatever.\nEmily Waltham: I think it makes you look really dangerous.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I know. Y'know what, I never would've gotten this if it weren't for you. No really, when I'm with you I'm-I'm like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy!\nEmily Waltham: I love both of you!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nEmily Waltham: I wish I didn't have to go.\nRoss Geller: Then don't. Stay here. Just don't go so soon to London, just one more day.\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, Ross, please!\nRoss Geller: One more day, seriously/\nEmily Waltham: Don't do this to me, again. You'd know I'd stay here in a minute, but I'd really miss so much work, they'll fire me.\nRoss Geller: So, then you can stay as long as you want.\nEmily Waltham: I wish I could.\nRoss Geller: Oh no. Don't, don't, don't start packing. Come on!\nEmily Waltham: I don't think you understand packing. Look, I just don't want to leave it to the last minute. Last time I left in such a rush, I left my knickers here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I know, I uh, I tried them on.\nEmily Waltham: You didn't!\nRoss Geller: No. No, I didn't. I didn't want to be that guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello!\nChandler Bing: Ho! Ho! Ho!\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me.\nChandler Bing: Your pants!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! You like 'em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nChandler Bing: Santa pants. Santa Claus's pants.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nuh-uh! They're maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. See, these names are good, and these names are bad. Ohh.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: So-Hey, Pheebs! So, how are the elves?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know! How are the-the-the-the, y'know-You're clothes aren't funny.\nMonica Geller: Hey, guys, what-what should I wear to a Knicks game?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, a T-shirt that says, \"I don't belong here.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: You have Knicks tickets?\nRachel Green: Yeah, my mom got my dad's season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, apparently, they're pretty good seats.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!\nRachel Green: Do you guys want these?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Yeah we do!\nRachel Green: Ohh, well you got 'em.\nBoth: All right!\nRachel Green: Just give us our apartment back!\nPhoebe Buffay: Boy! I didn't see that coming!\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! We know what these are worth.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, what, do you think we're stupid?\nJoey Tribbiani: You're not stupid. You're meaner than I thought.\nMonica Geller: What do you say?\nChandler Bing: Forget it! Okay, I'm not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!\nRachel Green: You're bachelor pad?!\nMonica Geller: Have you even had a girl up here?\nChandler Bing: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you do!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on!\nChandler Bing: Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?\nGunther: Good one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, season tickets! Season tickets, do you know what that means?\nChandler Bing: Forget it! Okay, I'm not giving up the apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh come-look, when I was a kid my dad's company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasn't in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!\nRoss Geller: Hey, guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: We don't make enough fun of you already?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, Emily convinced me to do it.\nChandler Bing: You do know that Wham broke up?\nRoss Geller: I like it, and Emily likes it, and that's what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-no, don't try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear.\nChandler Bing: Where is Emily?\nRoss Geller: Ugh, she's saying good-bye to her uncle.\nChandler Bing: Man, didn't she like just get here?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!! Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Easy tiger.\nRoss Geller: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, it's-it's so great. But at the same time I'm thinking, \"Well, I'm gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off.\"\nChandler Bing: So what are you going to do?\nRoss Geller: Nothing! There's nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-she'd have to uh, move here. She should move here!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: I could ask her to live with me!\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nRoss Geller: I mean, why not! I mean, I mean why not?!\nChandler Bing: Because you've only known her for six weeks! Okay, I've got a carton of milk in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with!\nRoss Geller: Look guys, when I'm with her it's-it's-it's like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, y'know?\nChandler Bing: And I love the milk! But, I'm not gonna some British girl to move in with me! Joey, you say things now.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right look, Ross, he's right. Emily's great, she's great! But this way too soon, you're only gonna scare her!\nRoss Geller: I don't want to do that.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! You don't want to wreck it, you don't want to go to fast!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, no, you're right, I know, you're right, I'm not, I'm not gonna do it. All right, thanks guys.\nChandler Bing: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's too hard. Too hard!\nMonica Geller: All right boys, last chance for the tickets!\nRachel Green: Or I'll give them to my new boyfriend, Joshua.\nChandler Bing: No thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait-wait-wait-wait! Come on! Come on, let's trade! The timing's perfect, I just clogged the toilet!\nChandler Bing: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we can't leave in the small apartment after we've lived here! Didn't you ever read Flowers for Algernon?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Didn't you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didn't read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight!\nChandler Bing: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's the Knicks!\nChandler Bing: Screw the Knicks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa!\nChandler Bing: I didn't mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nChandler Bing: And the Knicks rule all.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?\nChandler Bing: No. No. We're not gonna do that, y'know why? Because its not an even trade.\nRachel Green: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets?\nJoey Tribbiani: Done!\nRachel Green: Let me finish.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nRachel Green: I'm talking about a bet, winner takes all.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, we could end up with nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or you could end up with everything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, I like that.\nMonica Geller: All right, so what do you say?\nChandler Bing: No!\nMonica Geller: Oh, just do it!!\nChandler Bing: Op, op, I'm convinced!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man, you know I'd do it for you! Because, you're my best friend.\nChandler Bing: All right, but you can't use that again for a whole year. I'm in.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is so exciting! Ooh, God, what are you going to bet?\nRachel Green: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because she's the only who's impartial, and she's so pretty.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Umm, ooh, ooh-oh, I have a game!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is great!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the game?! What's the game?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, it doesn't have a name-oh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesn't have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?\nMonica Geller: They're green?\nPhoebe Buffay: Good! Good! Five points!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, Joey, same question.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, they're tall.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.\nMonica Geller: That's not even a game!\nRachel Green: What? Shut up! We're winning!\nMonica Geller: You wanna finish this right now? All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins. What do you say?\nChandler Bing: Fine, let's do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I have cards!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Oh, good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Here! Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Four.\nChandler Bing: That's a low one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Okay. Phoebe, you look, I can't.\nPhoebe Buffay: What make you think I can?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay. Ace!\nChandler Bing: Why are you screaming and hugging?\nMonica Geller: Because we won our apartment back!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace!\nMonica Geller: No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! Ah-ha!\nRachel Green: All right, cut, let's pick again, pick again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Come on apartment! Come on apartment! Oh! I know queen is high!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh, not as high as... It worked! King!\nChandler Bing: Yeah baby!\nMonica Geller: But, we pick again! We pick again!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?!\nMonica Geller: I don't know!\nChandler Bing: Tickets please! That's courtside baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously, good game though. Good game. What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!\nChandler Bing: No they didn't!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nEmily Waltham: I packed while you were gone. I left some knickers under your pillow.\nRoss Geller: Move in with me.\nEmily Waltham: What?!\nRoss Geller: Don't be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say it's too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, no. Ugh. Oh, leaving London, my whole family lives there.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nEmily Waltham: My job!\nRoss Geller: Well, so, you-you'll get a job here! I mean, I'm always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!\nEmily Waltham: Yeah, but it-it-it's my whole life-you come to England.\nRoss Geller: No, I can't. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I can't leave him. Isn't-you don't think there's any way?\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, I don't think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future –and-and-and we were getting married or something.\nRoss Geller: What?\nEmily Waltham: Oh no, no, right I shouldn't have said married. Uh, please don't go freaky on me. I didn't mean it. Well, I didn't say it; I take it back!\nRoss Geller: No, no, don't. Why don't we?\nEmily Waltham: Why don't we what?\nRoss Geller: Get married.\nEmily Waltham: You are mad!\nRoss Geller: No! No! I'm not! It's-it's-it's perfect! I mean it's better than you just-just moving here, 'cause it's us together forever, and that's-that's what I want.\nEmily Waltham: We've only known each other for six weeks!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, who's-who's to say? Does that me we-we can't do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesn't it?\nEmily Waltham: My parents are going to be really mad.\nRoss Geller: Is that-are you saying yes? Is that yes?\nEmily Waltham: Yes.\nEmily Waltham: Yes!\nRoss Geller: Yes! We're getting married?!\nEmily Waltham: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Yes!\nEmily Waltham: We're getting married!\nRoss Geller: Come here, come here. Uh, ow! Emily, will you marry me?\nEmily Waltham: Yes.\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, it's a bit small.\nRoss Geller: Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell!\nEmily Waltham: It was.\nChandler Bing: Those were like the best seats ever.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Y'know, kinda like a peace offering.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, that's very nice. Plus, y'know they were free and they're too small.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Oh, God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, want a beer? WHOA!!!!\nChandler Bing: I KNOW!!!\nChandler Bing: Open up! Open up! Open up!\nMonica Geller: We'll discuss it, in the morning!\nChandler Bing: What the hell is going on?!\nRachel Green: We took our apartment back!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I had nothing to do with it. Okay, it was my idea, but I don't feel good about it.\nChandler Bing: We are switching back, right now!\nMonica Geller: No, we're not! We're not leaving!\nChandler Bing: Well, you're gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we're switching it back! There's nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to move again!\nChandler Bing: I don't care, this is our apartment! And they stole-you stole it-our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I'm getting back right now!\nRachel Green: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can't offer anything to us!\nRachel Green: Let us keep the apartment and...\nMonica Geller: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.\nChandler Bing: Totally worth it!\nJoey Tribbiani: That was one good minute!\nChandler Bing: Good night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good night.\nMonica Geller: Men are such idiots.\nRachel Green: Yeah! Can you believe that something that stupid actually got us our apartment back?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's so funny to think if you'd just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, let-let-let's pretend that's not true.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, scarf's done.\nRoss Geller: Come on! Come on. Come on.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What-what's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross has some big thing to tell everyone.\nRoss Geller: Uhh, okay, it's uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married.\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Oh, are you pregnant too?!\nEmily Waltham: Umm, no.\nMonica Geller: When, when did-how, how did you...\nRoss Geller: We, we just decided to uh, to go for it.\nEmily Waltham: I mean, we know it's a bit hasty but, uh, it just feels so right, so...\nRoss Geller: Umm, uh, I was just telling the guys...\nRachel Green: Yeah, I-I heard. I think it's great! Ohh, I'm so happy for you!\nChandler Bing: Oh, well, that's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you're getting married!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica and Rachel made out.\nThe Singing Man: Morning's here! The morning's here!\nBoth: Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning's here!\nThe Singing Man: Hey! You're back!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Get into gear!\nThe Singing Man: Breakfast is near!\nBoth: The dark of night has disappeared!!\nThe Singing Man: I'll see you tomorrow morning!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!\nChandler Bing: Oh. Oh, did-did-did I wake you?\nChandler Bing: Gunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? So uh, what do you do when you're not working here?\nGunther: You don't need to fill these silences.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay, thanks.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, that's like your fourth cup of coffee!\nChandler Bing: Well, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because I'm exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!\nMonica Geller: He's in a different room! He's really that loud?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you should here me.\nChandler Bing: It's not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I told ya, I'm not going to any clinic! I don't have a problem, you're the one with the problem! You should go to a \"Quit being a baby and leave me alone\" clinic!\nChandler Bing: They don't have those.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, you've just had your first class!\nMonica Geller: Y'know I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhh, yeah!\nMonica Geller: He would just roll me over and I would stop snoring.\nChandler Bing: Next time you snore, I'm rolling ya over!\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey, all right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, the Olympics.\nMonica Geller: Have you guys picked a date yet?\nRoss Geller: Oh no, not yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: I still cannot believe you're engaged! Just 'cause its happening so fast; not 'cause you're such a loser.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Thanks. Uh, has anyone seen Rach?\nMonica Geller: Ugh, she's upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! I'm not doing them this time! I don't care if those dishes sit in the sink until they're all covered with-I'll do them when I get home!\nRoss Geller: Yeah-oh! Hey listen umm, Emily found this wedding dress in London...\nPhoebe Buffay: Already?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but it didn't fit. Well, luckily there's a store here that has one left in her size, but I'm the groom, I'm not supposed to see the dress...\nMonica Geller: I'll pick it up for you!\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Oh, she's got you running errands, y'know, picking up wedding dresses... Wah-pah!\nRoss Geller: What's wah-pah?\nChandler Bing: Y'know, whipped! Wah-pah!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!\nChandler Bing: That's what I did. Wah-pah!\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't do anything!\nRachel Green: Hey, Mon, I was just doing the dishes!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh! It's you. Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey, do uh, do you have a minute?\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah, I was just about to take a break anyways, so...\nRoss Geller: So listen uh, I know you and I haven't really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: I know if you were getting married I'd feel, kinda... y'know.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, well it definitely took me by surprise, but I'm okay.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: All right, I just wanted to check.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's sweet.\nRoss Geller: You're great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.\nRachel Green: Uhh, hang in there?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, I didn't mean, uh...\nRachel Green: I mean maybe you didn't hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I thought you guys had just been on like four dates, I didn't realise that had become anything, yet.\nRachel Green: Oh, no-no-no, no-no-no, it has become, it has-yeah. Oh no, those were four great dates.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean y'know, emotionally, mentally, physically...\nRoss Geller: Wow, that's-that's-that's incredible.\nRachel Green: I know isn't it? It's like I'm right there with Joshua.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nRachel Green: You are right there with Emily. And it's y'know, it's kinda like... it's a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.\nRoss Geller: I gotta get to work.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Fine.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know, y'know what would make me really happy?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, no, what's that?\nRoss Geller: If like the four of us could all y'know, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emily's coming into town this weekend, why don't you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?\nRachel Green: That would be great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, all right, it's a date.\nRachel Green: Hang in there. You hang in there.\nRoss Geller: Did you say something?\nRachel Green: No, just singing.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! It's so beautiful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but y'know, about have of these are gonna end up getting divorced.\nThe Saleslady: May I help you ladies?\nMonica Geller: Oh, yes, umm, I'm here to pick up a dress that you have on hold.\nThe Saleslady: Yes, what's the name, please?\nMonica Geller: Emily Waltham.\nThe Saleslady: Yes! I have it right here. Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.\nMonica Geller: I am, aren't I?\nThe Saleslady: Ms. Waltham?\nMonica Geller: Yes?\nThe Saleslady: We're closing.\nMonica Geller: All right.\nThe Saleslady: And could I get my ring back?\nChandler Bing: All right buddy, time to roll over. No-no! No, no-n-n-n-no!! You are going to a clinic! You're going to a clinic, and a pyjama store!\nMonica Geller: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. Uh, just a second!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, let me in!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Can you just hold on for one minute?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you have to let me in right now!!\nMonica Geller: Are you alone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!\nMonica Geller: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: This sucks! I didn't know I had to stay up all night before I went to this stupid sleep clinic! I'm so tired!\nChandler Bing: It's 6:00.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well...\nRachel Green: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that's, I think that's really cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Rach, I think you're handling that really well.\nRachel Green: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? There's nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn't for me and Joshua. Y'know, they're not gonna get married anyway!\nChandler Bing: What?\nRachel Green: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast it's ridiculous! I mean, they're gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what they've done and they're call the whole thing off. I'm telling ya, you're gonna be dancing at my wedding before you're dancing at there's.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I don't dance at weddings.\nRachel Green: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this...\nRoss Geller: Hey man.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?\nChandler Bing: Nothing.\nRachel Green: Nothing.\nJoey Tribbiani: I am... free!\nRoss Geller: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!\nRoss Geller: Yep!\nRachel Green: In a month?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: You mean, you mean 30 days?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: From now?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well, that's great.\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but it's going to be torn down, so... I mean, I-I know it's crazy, but everything up 'til now has been so crazy, and I don't know, this just feels right. Y'know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! That's the day after I stop menstruating! This isn't mine.\nJoshua Burgin: Hey, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoshua Burgin: What's up? You're voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.\nRachel Green: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. See you.\nJoshua Burgin: Great!\nRachel Green: Yeah! Sit!\nJoshua Burgin: You okay?\nRachel Green: I'm more than okay, I am really, really happy! Wanna know why?\nJoshua Burgin: Do I?\nRachel Green: 'Cause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are so on the right track! Y'know? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are clicking. Y'know?\nJoshua Burgin: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah, we're-we're-we're-we're-we're clicking.\nRachel Green: Yeah-yeah, y'know if-if there was just like one little area where I-that I think we need-we would need to work on; I-I would think it was we're just not crazy enough!\nJoshua Burgin: I-I gotta say, I-I-I-I'm not too sure I agree with that.\nRachel Green: Well, yeah, right, y'know what? Yeah, you're right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if ...I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Y'know? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound y'know, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?\nJoshua Burgin: What?!\nRachel Green: Oh, I know, I know, it's-it's so, it's so totally like, \"Whoa! Can we do this?\" Y'know, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Don't you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, don't you think?\nJoshua Burgin: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, you're a real special lady, but my divorce isn't final yet and, and, and we've been on four days, so I'm thinking \"No, but thanks.\"\nGunther: YOU IDIOT!!!!!\nSleep Clinic Worker: Your name, please?\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey Tribbiani.\nSleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. Uh, sir?\nChandler Bing: Yes he did.\nSleep Clinic Worker: Alll right, we'll call you in a few minutes.\nChandler Bing: Hey, check out that girl! She is really hot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she is. Wow! How you doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nChandler Bing: You're coming on to the entire room! I'm Chandler.\nWoman: I'm Marjorie.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMarjorie: Hi.\nChandler Bing: You mind if I...\nMarjorie: No, please.\nChandler Bing: So uh, what are you in for?\nMarjorie: I talk in my sleep.\nChandler Bing: What a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.\nJoey Tribbiani: So why don't you give me your number?\nMonica Geller: Okay, ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I got it! Mine!\nMonica Geller: Congratulations!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you!\nMonica Geller: Okay! My turn! My turn!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Okay, ready?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: That was a terrible throw!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not gonna right to you! That's not real!\nMonica Geller: Look at me! My big concern is what's real?! Oh my God. We're really sad, aren't we?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think we are.\nMonica Geller: This isn't even my dress.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, at least you didn't rent yours from a store called, \"It's Not Too Late.\"\nMonica Geller: I'm changing out of this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too.\nMonica Geller: In like a half-hour?\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too.\nMonica Geller: Okay, throw it straight this time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'm getting married next!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!\nPhoebe Buffay: I hate my regular clothes now! Y'know? I look down and-and I know that this isn't gonna be the most special day of my life.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I mean it was kinda fun for a while, but didn't you start feeling silly?\nPhoebe Buffay: I guess.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Oh God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're such a cheater!\nChandler Bing: Hello! Little ones.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: So, is Joey gonna stop snoring?\nChandler Bing: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how'd that happen?\nChandler Bing: Because I'm cooler.\nMonica Geller: No, seriously.\nChandler Bing: Well she's, she's the kinda girl-Joey was unconscious.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys! What's happening?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: What is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and it's gonna help me not to snore.\nMonica Geller: Well, are you asleep right now, Joe? 'Cause I don't think you have to wear it unless you are!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know I don't have too! It tastes good.\nChandler Bing: Plus, you look cool.\nRachel Green: Well, I just called Joshua...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, how did it go?\nRachel Green: Well, I did my best to convince him that I'm not some crazy girl who is dying to get married-I'm just going through a hard time.\nPhoebe Buffay: What did he say?\nRachel Green: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, sweetie! Hey, I bet you anything that he's gonna call you again.\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe, but I don't think I even care. I don't think he's the one I'm sad about. Y'know, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I don't think I'm handling it all that well.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, maybe.\nRachel Green: And I-I am just trying to figure out why.\nPhoebe Buffay: Any luck?\nRachel Green: Well, yeah, y'know how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.\nMonica Geller: Again. Y'know what? I think we all did.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about, Ernie's at 9 o'clock?\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, you uh, better make it for three.\nRoss Geller: Oh, see I-I don't know if we're gonna be hungry at three.\nRachel Green: Three people. Joshua's not gonna be there.\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nRachel Green: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.\nRoss Geller: Noo. Why?\nRachel Green: Well, apparently he scares easy.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Rachel, I'm-I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: It's okay. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd thought they would.\nRoss Geller: Come here.\nRachel Green: Oh, hey, don't you have to go pick up Emily?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah! I got my girls.\nRachel Green: Ugh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, y'know what might cheer you up?\nRachel Green: What?\nRachel Green: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. Maybe someday, there will be.\nMonica Geller: Oh God! He's gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!\nRachel Green: Oh, okay!\nMonica Geller: No-no, Rachel, don't get it! He can't see us!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!\nRachel Green: I'm not gonna marry Chandler!\nPhoebe Buffay: Not after this!\nRachel Green: Okay, you guys, just relax. I doooo.\nJoshua Burgin: I gotta go.\nRachel Green: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! Yeah, well, that oughta do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! I am trying to sleep!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Y'know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. Ross is getting married.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe is, making people.\nJoey Tribbiani: Everybody's doing stuff!\nChandler Bing: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!\nJoey Tribbiani: We could climb Mt. Everest!\nChandler Bing: No-no, not something stupid, something huge.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that!\nChandler Bing: Why not?! I mean it's just, it's just climbing! It's just, it's just steep!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: We're going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: What-what's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: We're gonna climb Mt. Everest!\nChandler Bing: Yeah baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and y'know you can die. And, you would die!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well...\nJoey Tribbiani: We could get that Everest video though.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we could do that without y'know risking our lives at all!\nJoey Tribbiani: And while we're down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! Oh, y'know what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.\nChandler Bing: Oh, well...\nPhoebe Buffay: So you guys'll stay here and hang out with me?\nChandler Bing: Yeeeeahhhh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: But I'll tell you something. One of these days we're get off of our buts and rent Die Hard again!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah we are!\nEmily Waltham: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?\nRoss Geller: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and he's so cheap, he'd never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough?\nEmily Waltham: Yeah, they're fine.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nEmily Waltham: If anyone asks, we'll just say Ben addressed them. Oh! So you invited Rachel then?\nRoss Geller: Sure. Why not?\nEmily Waltham: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nEmily Waltham: I don't think I'd be comfortable with any of my old lovers there.\nRoss Geller: Wait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldn't invite her?\nEmily Waltham: Oh, no-no, y'know I absolutely adore Rachel it's just that, well it might be a awkward for you. But it's absolutely your decision. More tea?\nRoss Geller: Yeah sure.\nEmily Waltham: Earl Grey?\nRoss Geller: Huh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want.\nRoss Geller: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!\nChandler Bing: And I just want a million dollars!\nMonica Geller: Rachel?!\nRachel Green: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!\nMonica Geller: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?\nRachel Green: Hi, sure!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.\nRachel Green: I knew.\nRoss Geller: You did! Oh... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.\nRachel Green: I did.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here-but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe...\nRoss Geller: Okay... okay, maybe I will...\nRoss Geller: See, I see... big passion in your future.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: I do.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's never gonna happen.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Umm, for a while now, I've been wanting to, um...\nRachel Green: Ohhh!!!!\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes, that's right...\nRachel Green: Oh, look at the little cat! Look at it!\nRoss Geller: What? Ow!\nRachel Green: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!\nRachel Green: Yes! Did you see that?\nRoss Geller: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.\nRachel Green: I could not have done this without you.\nRoss Geller: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? I'm fine, I'm fine.\nRoss Geller: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.\nRachel Green: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?\nRoss Geller: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.\nRachel Green: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nRachel Green: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.\nRoss Geller: Good.\nRachel Green: Good.\nRachel Green: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...\nRoss Geller: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore.\nRachel Green: Well neither do I!\nRoss Geller: Is this about Mark?\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's not, it's not.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.\nRoss Geller: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.\nRachel Green: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something..\nRachel Green: No. A break from us.\nChloe: Do I know why we're rushing?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!\nChloe: That's so great for you guys!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank you. Hey, hey. Rachel!!!!\nRachel Green: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.\nRachel Green: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?\nRoss Geller: Yes, you can, very much.\nRoss Geller: Ahhhh!!\nRachel Green: Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!\nRoss Geller: No!!\nRachel Green: Just get out! Now!!\nRoss Geller: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.\nRachel Green: Okay! All right! How was she?\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Was she good?\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't answer that.\nRachel Green: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she?\nRoss Geller: She was...\nJoey Tribbiani: Awful! Horrible!\nChandler Bing: She was not good. Not good.\nJoey Tribbiani: She was nothing compared to you.\nRoss Geller: She, she was different.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ewwwww!\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh.\nRachel Green: Good different?\nRoss Geller: Nobody likes change.\nRoss Geller: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.\nRachel Green: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, \"Once a cheater, always a cheater.\" Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...\nRoss Geller: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!\nRachel Green: You seem to really like her.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment.\nRachel Green: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.\nRoss Geller: You think?\nRachel Green: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you're right.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I can't believe my brother's getting married! And in London! It's so romantic!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! You're at the wedding, you have to cry, \"Handkerchief?\" \"No-no, I got my invitation.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh look! Isn't this adorable, Ross let Ben address mine!\nChandler Bing: Hello!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross's wedding?\nChandler Bing: Noo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry man, I get to bring a guest. We'll show him.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so jealous you're all going! I can't believe I never knew that you can't fly in your third trimester!\nChandler Bing: I didn't know that.\nMonica Geller: I never knew that either.\nJoey Tribbiani: I knew that! I sooo didn't know that, but you should see your faces.\nRachel Green: Hey guys! What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Heyyy.\nMonica Geller: We're hanging out.\nRachel Green: What's this? Is this Ross's wedding invitation?\nChandler Bing: See, maybe that's the one we should've actually hidden.\nRachel Green: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you don't have to do that! I'm happy for him! I am! I really-I'm-I'm happ-I'll work on it.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry honey.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Rach, you're gonna come though aren't you?\nRachel Green: Oh, honey, I don't know. I...\nChandler Bing: This isn't one of those uh, y'know \"If she doesn't come, we-we don't, we don't come?\" Right? Because I already bought my ticket...\nMonica Geller: You know what would be real weird? Is if you weren't there. Just say you'll think about it, okay?\nRachel Green: No, I'll think about it. Yeah.\nRachel Green: Who's this from?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's Ross's.\nRachel Green: Oh... Oh my God. He remembered.\nPhoebe Buffay: Remembered what?\nRachel Green: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe he did this.\nChandler Bing: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?\nRachel Green: What did you just say?\nChandler Bing: F-hah... flennin...\nRachel Green: Oh... my God.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nJulie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.\nRoss Geller: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.\nRachel Green: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?\nRoss Geller: Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. Well you didn't hang up either.\nRachel Green: She didn't hang up either...\nRoss Geller: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y-\nRachel Green: Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I got a message from you.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . .\nRoss Geller: You're over me?\nRachel Green: Ohhhhhhhh God.\nRoss Geller: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?\nRachel Green: Ohh, ohh.\nRoss Geller: When, when were you... under me?\nRachel Green: Well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.\nRoss Geller: OK, I need to lie down.\nJoey Tribbiani: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Really. It's always been you, Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh, god.\nRoss Geller: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.\nRachel Green: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.\nRachel Green: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.\nRoss Geller: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.\nRoss Geller: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.\nGunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?\nRoss Geller: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?\nRachel Green: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!\nRoss Geller: You still love me?\nRachel Green: Noo.\nRoss Geller: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?\nRachel Green: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: I just, I feel, I-I just...\nRachel Green: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!\nRoss Geller: FINE BY ME!!\nRachel Green: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!\nChandler Bing: I KNEW IT!!!!\nJudy Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack...\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.\nEveryone: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.\nJudy Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.\nJack Geller: Wait, how do you zoom out? There she is.\nMonica Geller: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?\nMonica Geller: Oh, dad, turn it off.\nJack Geller: It is off. Right Ross?\nJoey Tribbiani: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.\nRachel Green: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.\nMonica Geller: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.\nJudy Geller: I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.\nEveryone: No, no, no.\nRoss Geller: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.\nJack Geller: C'mon kid, let's go.\nJudy Geller: Ahh, are you hadsome.\nJack Geller: Let's show 'em.\nRoss Geller: Okay dad.\nJack Geller: Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining-Oh no.\nJudy Geller: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you did that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well.\nPhoebe Buffay: See, he's her lobster.\nMonica Geller: Nooooo. You're really not going?\nRachel Green: Yeah. It's just gonna be too hard. Y'know? I mean, it's Ross. How can I watch him get married? Y'know it's just, it's for the best, y'know it is, it's... Y'know, plus, somebody's got to stay here with Phoebe! Y'know she's gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.\nMonica Geller: You don't have a car. And your license expired.\nRachel Green: I know. Yeah, see, there's so much to do and I have so little time to do it in.\nChandler Bing: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that there's a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! \"It's almost as good as being there.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: It's better! You can't go to a museum in your underwear!\nChandler Bing: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!\nChandler Bing: If we do that, we gotta get Die Hard.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here!\nMonica Geller: That's also like the tenth time you told us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! I'm so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, 'cause-Oh! I'm pregnant!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, did...you want a cookie?\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you so much.\nRachel Green: So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?\nPhoebe Buffay: I haven't really had any yet.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: All right, here's the ring.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!\nRoss Geller: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward.\nRoss Geller: I sort've already asked Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!\nRoss Geller: Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I-I've known him a lot longer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Ross! Look, I-I don't have any brothers; I'll never get to be a best man!\nChandler Bing: You can be the best man when I get married.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll never get to be a best man!\nRoss Geller: Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, you-yeah, of course you get to be my best man.\nJoey Tribbiani: What about me?! You-you just said I could!\nChandler Bing: I'm not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you're not picking me.\nRoss Geller: Hey, how can it not be me?!HeyHey!\nChandler Bing: I'm not even... I'm not even...\nRoss Geller: Fine, y'know what, that's it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Shame about you man.\nPhoebe Buffay: Stop it!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: One of the babies is kicking.\nMonica Geller: I thought that was a good thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies. Oh ! Don't make me come in there!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Why do you need it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, we're having a big party tomorrow night. Later!\nRachel Green: Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo, later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!!\nRachel Green: Hormones!\nMonica Geller: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you're having a party and we're not invited?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's Ross's bachelor party.\nMonica Geller: Sooo?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you bachelors?\nMonica Geller: Nooo!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you strippers?\nRachel Green: Nooo!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then you're not invited.\nRachel Green: All right fine! You're not invited to the party we're gonna have either.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-whoa, what party?\nRachel Green: Well umm...\nMonica Geller: The baby shower for Phoebe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don't want to do! Later!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe I'm gonna have a party! This is so great! A party! Yay!! I don't know why.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is what I've got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.\nRoss Geller: Great. Great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I've got you, me, and Chandler and I'm gonna invite Gunther 'cause, well, we've been talking about this pretty loud.\nGunther: I'll be there.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right-oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I'd really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Tell ya what, let's not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! We'll need a six-pack of Zima.\nChandler Bing: Hey guys, what are you doing?\nRoss Geller: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna that difficult considering this one won't be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm Ross. I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut; I'm too good for the Hut.\nRoss Geller: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it.\nRoss Geller: Okay, see ya later.\nChandler Bing: See ya. Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers.\nChandler Bing: He just said, \"No strippers.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I chose not to hear that.\nMonica Geller: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! Can you believe they make these for little people?\nRachel Green: Little village people.\nMonica Geller: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite.\nRachel Green: Oh, that is so sweet!\nMonica Geller: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!\nRachel Green: Huh. Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.\nMonica Geller: Because she's not gonna get to keep the babies.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after she's done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila.\nRachel Green: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she's always wanted!\nMonica Geller: Oh, she's gonna love that!\nPhoebe Buffay: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I can't use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, what's my next present?!\nEveryone: I don't have anything.\nRoss Geller: Hey listen man, about the stripper...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Good call!\nChandler Bing: Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!\nGunther: What's my last name?\nChandler Bing: Central Perk?\nGunther: Thanks for not marrying Rachel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don't-don't forget your shirt.\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey, what are those?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, little party favours, check it out!\nRoss Geller: Wow! Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, so is the position of the bride.\nThe Stripper: Great!\nRoss Geller: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. Thanks Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, don't forget your shirt.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parent's basement. All right. Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.\nThe Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nThe Stripper: Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. Hardly move. Be white.\nThe Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin' ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday...\nThe Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around.\nThe Stripper: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, stripper!\nJoey Tribbiani: The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: The ring is gone!\nChandler Bing: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this-Ah-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! You're the worst best man ever!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, this isn't funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everything's cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone and the ring is gone!\nChandler Bing: You slept with the stripper?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, guys.\nRachel Green: Hi! Phoebe.\nMonica Geller: Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I wanted to apologise if I-y'know seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Y'know it's just the hormones, y'know.\nRachel Green: No we...\nMonica Geller: Hormones.\nRachel Green: ...hormones, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet.\nMonica Geller: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That's great. So how-how are things going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. Y'know-no-no, okay, it's-it feels like everything's been about me lately, so what's happening with you?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to Ross's wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nRachel Green: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.\nRachel Green: Well, h-how is this like that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, let's see, it's not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y'know a bunch of y'know high school crap that nobody really gives y'know...\nRachel Green: I'm-I'm sorry, I just thought that...\nPhoebe Buffay: Alrighty, here come the water works.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they don't care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isn't an emergency, then what is?\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey...\nRoss Geller: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Y'know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that's nice!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, right!\nJoey Tribbiani: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those...\nRoss Geller: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.\nChandler Bing: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable?\nRoss Geller: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life.\nChandler Bing: So you might say, it's a magic ring.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the stripper stole it.\nRoss Geller: My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?! H-how?! How could this all happen?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I think it all started when you said, \"Hey Joey, why don't you be my best man.\"\nRoss Geller: All right-all right, fine! I-I'm gonna call the cops!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in!\nRoss Geller: Not on you! On the stripper!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they're gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.\nRoss Geller: Okay, well, we'll call the company that sent her!\nJoey Tribbiani: I did that too! They wouldn't give me her real name or her number. They said, \"If I bothered them again they'd call the police.\" I said, \"If you talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring!\"\nRoss Geller: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there's nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I...\nChandler Bing: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find!!\nMonica Geller: Here's your tea Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's so good. Oh, thanks.\nRachel Green: Good.\nMonica Geller: I'm so glad you liked it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: What?! She made the tea!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction.\nRachel Green: You what?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one.\nMonica Geller: Wait, you can't have the baby here! I mean I haven't sterilised it since the guys moved out!\nRachel Green: Okay. It's okay. We're gonna be okay. Y'know what? It's okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets!\nPhoebe Buffay: No. It's all right; it's probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, get the book! The book!\nRachel Green: Okay! Okay! Here!\nMonica Geller: The Bible?!\nRachel Green: I don't know!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won't recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I'll be uh, Mr. Wong.\nRoss Geller: Diverse.\nThe Stripper: Did anybody call for security?\nChandler Bing: You be cool.\nThe Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? Hey, Joey?\nRoss Geller: Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring? Where is it? Where is it?\nChandler Bing: Way to be cool, man.\nThe Stripper: What's he talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!\nThe Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?\nThe Guys: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!\nThe Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don't need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?\nChandler Bing: Marry me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn't take it, and I didn't take it; and you didn't take it, then who did? Shh! We're trying to think!\nRachel Green: I still don't get how you know when it's false labour.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, do you see any babies?\nMonica Geller: How do you feel?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I guess. I mean... I don't know, it's just, I guess I know it's going to be over soon.\nRachel Green: Well, isn't that a good thing? You said you were sick of this.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. It's just y'know usually when you're, when you're done with the pregnant thing, y'know, then you get to do the mom thing. I'm gonna be y'know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.\nMonica Geller: Some moms do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay that's even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, it's just that now that they're in me it's like, it's like I know them y'know, I mean-I mean, it's just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away.\nMonica Geller: Aww, sweetie, but it's not like you're not gonna have anything. You're gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that's even better.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay.\nRachel Green: No, really. Really, Pheebs, you're not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when they're bad, y'know, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down. Y'know?\nMonica Geller: I mean, you're the one they're gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.\nRachel Green: And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool!\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: And y'know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you.\nPhoebe Buffay: They are gonna love me.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks you guys! Again.\nMonica Geller: Oh, sweetie!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're the best. Thanks. Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Just kidding. Ahh!\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Got cha again, you guys are so easy.\nJoey Tribbiani: If anything should happen to him...\nRoss Geller: Joey! The vet said it's a simple procedure.\nJoey Tribbiani: So! Things can go wrong! You don't know! What if he doesn't make it?!\nChandler Bing: He will, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but what if he doesn't? He's such a good duck.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so worried about him, y'know?\nThe Doctor: Somebody lose a ring?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much!\nJoey Tribbiani: H-h-h-how's the duck?\nThe Doctor: He's doing just fine, he's resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this.\nRoss Geller: No, that's all right.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down!\nChandler Bing: Hey, come on, it's not your fault.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it is! You wouldn't have lost the ring, right? Y'know what, Ross you were right from the start, he should be your best man.\nChandler Bing: No, you should.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, don't argue with me...\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my... I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good...\nChandler Bing: Thanks man.\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta go check something over here.\nChandler Bing: What a baby.\nRoss Geller: Total wuss!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!!\nChandler Bing: Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you got there?\nChandler Bing: Condoms, dude!\nJoey Tribbiani: How come the writing is in Spanish?\nChandler Bing: Don't read my condoms!\nMonica Geller: Passport, check! Camera, check! Traveller's cheques, check!\nRachel Green: Who are you saying \"check\" too?\nMonica Geller: Myself. Y'know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! My mom does it, I never realised it was weird.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Are you ready yet?\nMonica Geller: Yep! You got the tickets?\nRoss Geller: Oh! Got 'em right here, check!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's all London, baby! Here we go.\nChandler Bing: You got your passport?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don't want to lose that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh!!\nChandler Bing: There it is.\nMonica Geller: Okay, if you need the vacuum, it's in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, okay, but Rachel's gonna be here too, can't I just ask her this stuff?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, okay, give that a try!\nChandler Bing: All right! Let's do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Woo-hoo!!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, cheerie-o!\nJoey Tribbiani: London baby!\nChandler Bing: Okay, 'cause that's not gonna get annoying.\nJoey Tribbiani: London baby!!\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what? I was wrong.\nRoss Geller: Well, we're all here! I guess we should get going!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I don't-can't get up.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'll-I'll come hug you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, have a great wedding!\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it's on the counter in your apartment.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nRoss Geller: So, we're off.\nRachel Green: Have fun!\nRoss Geller: Thanks! Ugh, I can't believe you're not gonna be there!\nRachel Green: Oh, I know.\nRoss Geller: So-so come! Why don't you come?\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: To London! Come to London. Please? It'll mean so much to me.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, I gotta work, I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Why-why can't you take a couple of days off?\nRachel Green: Because, I can't! Ross, I told you, no. I can't.\nRoss Geller: This is my wedding.\nMonica Geller: All right, y'know what? We really are late! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!!\nRoss Geller: Fine. You'll-you'll watch it on video when we get back.\nChandler Bing: Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: All right, let's go! Bye, Pheebs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye, Pheebs!\nJoey Tribbiani: London baby!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! Do something!\nChandler Bing: I am, I'm ignoring you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, here! I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey.\nChandler Bing: Oh, what the hell is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. Wait. No, we wanna go... No. I know. I'm gonna have to go into the map.\nChandler Bing: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!\nJoey Tribbiani: I got it! Here we go.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?\nJoey Tribbiani: Shhh! Man, you made me lose it!\nEmily Waltham: ...and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We're not gonna be...\nRoss Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, honey, okay?\nEmily Waltham: Well, up yours too!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nEmily Waltham: Oh, that's not what it means?\nRoss Geller: No! No! That's-that's time-out!\nEmily Waltham: Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come on.\nMonica Geller: Chicken Kiev?\nRoss Geller: Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. But of course with salmon you'd have to worry about the chickenella... So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married here.\nEmily Waltham: I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you'll ever see. I mean it's over... Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: It's nice.\nEmily Waltham: Oh. Oh.\nEmily Waltham: Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?\nRoss Geller: It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right.\nEmily Waltham: How's it gonna be all right?!\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh, I see that.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.\nRoss Geller: What? What?\nMonica Geller: They tore it down a few days early.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen. Hey! Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?\nChandler Bing: I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? To what?\nChandler Bing: To Put the Camera Away!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, you are Westminster Crabby.\nMonica Geller: Don't worry. You'll find some place to get married.\nMonica Geller: Oowww!!\nDressmaker: Sorry. Lucky this dress is red!\nEmily Waltham: We can't find another place. Then we can't have the wedding! I've ordered chicken and salad and-and cake for 150. What should be the most wonderful day of my life is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food!\nMonica Geller: You're gonna find a place. But even if - God forbid - you didn't.. So you postpone the wedding. Is that really so bad? I mean, think about it. You could take all the time you needed to get everything that you want. You could have tulips, you could have salmon... Mmmmm... Salmon!!\nEmily Waltham: I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world... Oh, thank you!\nMonica Geller: But either way... You're gonna get married, you're gonna be happy, my mom's gonna like you better than me.\nMonica Geller: Oh, god... She's told you that already, didn't she?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Oh.\nRachel Green: Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.\nRachel Green: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I have a wedgie.\nRachel Green: Okay, that is all you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So-so, what do you want for lunch?\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I do. What's the matter?\nRachel Green: I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn't have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married...\nRachel Green: Still in love with?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: I'm not in love with Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in love with him. Y'know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him-Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my-why didn't you tell me?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: We thought you knew!\nRachel Green: We?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!\nRachel Green: You all know? Does Ross know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything.\nRachel Green: Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, \"Hey, you like things clean.\" Or, y'know, \"Hey, Joey, you're gay.\"\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, please! She's always got a broom in her hand!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nThe Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? We've got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...\nJoey Tribbiani: Check this out? Huh? Yeah. That's the stuff. What do you think?\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't have to buy that, \"I'm with stupid\" T-shirt anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I like it. Here you go.\nChandler Bing: All right, look, you're not really gonna buy that are you? Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I embarrass you?\nChandler Bing: How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?\nThe Vendor: He's just jealous. You'll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!\nChandler Bing: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?\nThe Vendor: They're all tourists.\nChandler Bing: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, y'know, you're gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? If you're gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.\nThe Vendor: Good choice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nChandler Bing: Okay, wait. All right, that's it, okay, I'm out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore!\nJoey Tribbiani: How you doin'? Joey Tribbiani, America.\nEmily Waltham: Hello?\nRoss Geller: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think we'll be able to find a new place for the wedding.\nEmily Waltham: We don't have to.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?\nEmily Waltham: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.\nRoss Geller: She said what?\nEmily Waltham: She said, \"If I'm not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it.\"\nRoss Geller: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sister's teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? This isn't right.\nEmily Waltham: I realise that people are going to be disappointed. But, I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right.\nRoss Geller: I can't ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that?\nEmily Waltham: Don't you point your pants at me! We have no choice! Anywhere that's half-decent would've be booked months ago, Ross don't you understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about.\nRoss Geller: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when we're getting married.\nEmily Waltham: So what are you saying? It's now or never?\nRoss Geller: No. I'm saying it's now.\nEmily Waltham: Or?\nRoss Geller: There's no 'or' in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!\nEmily Waltham: It's not the pants. It's you that is backwards. And if, and if you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't get married at all!\nRoss Geller: No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please-\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?\nRachel Green: Manhattan does not have enough stores.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think I can help you get over him.\nRachel Green: You can?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross.\nRachel Green: Um-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: And a small piece of chocolate.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: And a glass of tepid water.\nRachel Green: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn't feel like getting up. Okay, I'm gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you're going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.\nRachel Green: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think he's such a great guy. Here. Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you're with Ross okay and imagine that you're kissing him. And you're-you're running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross it's some kind of grease, it's-uck! Hah?\nRachel Green: I don't know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and y'know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let's try some uh, aversion therapy.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay?\nRachel Green: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: So uh, now look at the picture...\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, and umm...\nRachel Green: Ow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, how do you feel now?\nRachel Green: Well, I like you less!\nChandler Bing: Well, this is just as boring in England.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Sorry!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no, y'know what? I really shouldn't have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn't cool. And if it makes you feel any better, I've had a really lousy day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Noo!! I've had the best day ever! Dude, check this out! Now, I'm gonna fastforward past the part with you, 'cause it is boring.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sh-shh-shh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.\nFergie: Okay, so umm, what's your friend's name?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Chandler.\nFergie: Hi Chandler!\nChandler Bing: That's... That's was...\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's Fergie baby!!\nFergie: Joey says you don't really like his hat, but I think it's kinda dashing.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, I hear you're single now...\nFergie: Yeah, ummm, I don't like the hat that much.\nChandler Bing: How did you? How? How?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So, I'm in my map and-and... Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.\nMonica Geller: Yes, I did! And you are welcome!\nRoss Geller: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!\nMonica Geller: Umm...\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait up!\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey, since you're the 'fix-it' lady, here's a pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesn't want to have the wedding at all?\nMonica Geller: She said that?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Why?!\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. You're even dumber than I am!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me?\nMonica Geller: Ross, how long have you been planning this wedding?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. A month?\nMonica Geller: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That's what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake , with the little people on top. Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.\nRoss Geller: I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just doing the flying nun.\nMonica Geller: Sometimes we were.\nRoss Geller: Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay?\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Come on.\nChandler Bing: That was pretty intense huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!\nChandler Bing: I hope he did!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! I thought of a good flaw! Ross pops his gum!\nRachel Green: Oh, right! Wait a minute, I do that too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know. It drives me crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll get it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs! It's Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the-that looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say 'hi!' but then I figured, he doesn't care if he looks like you.\nJoey Tribbiani: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, they're having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasn't been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Kinda, but I've just been having way too much fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you're not homesick yet?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I don't think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, the seven of us miss you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's seven?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, the babies miss me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course they do! Or I'm just really hungry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, the pizza guy's here!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? You ordered pizza without me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. But y'know we were thinking about you, y'know we ordered the Joey Special.\nJoey Tribbiani: Two pizzas?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!\nEmily Waltham: Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?!\nMonica Geller: You'll see.\nEmily Waltham: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.\nEmily Waltham: Oh God.\nRoss Geller: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y'know fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles...\nMonica Geller: And the musicians, look, they can go over here , okay? And the chairs can face this way , and... You go.\nRoss Geller: But-but, if you don't love this, we'll do it in any other place at any other time. Really, it's fine, whatever you want.\nEmily Waltham: It's perfect.\nRoss Geller: And, I don't know, if it starts to rain...\nEmily Waltham: Well then we'll get wet.\nMonica Geller: Ohh. And I don't even have a date.\nRachel Green: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Do you remember where the duck food is?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's in the guys' apartment under the sink. Why?\nRachel Green: Because I'm going to London.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! What do you mean you're going to London?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you don't have those babies until I get back.\nPhoebe Buffay: But what about all the \"finding-his-flaws\" stuff we've been doing?\nRachel Green: Yeah, that didn't work.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-Rachel, you can't go! Ross loves Emily!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not why you're going! You're going because you hope he's gonna say, \"Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy.\"\nRachel Green: Ohh-Do you think he will?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Because he's in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, you're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y'know, it's too late! You missed you're chance! I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard, it's over.\nRachel Green: Y'know what? No. It's not over until someone says, \"I do.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: I do! I do! I do! I do! Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter."}
{"text": "Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emily's Parents' house.\nHousekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you saying?!\nHousekeeper: Now, let us try that again, shall we?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Ooh! Oh my god!\nHousekeeper: The Waltham Residence.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello. This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if it's not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?\nHousekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and it's not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.\nPhoebe Buffay: No no no, I'll be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?\nHousekeeper: I'm afraid, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you don't give me that number then I'm going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.\nHousekeeper: Hangs up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello, Hello. Ohh, OHH, she knew I could kick her ass.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hi. Mom. Dad.\nJudy Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the tube.\nJack Geller: Judy, the kids..\nJudy Geller: Jack, that's what they call the subway.\nJack Geller: Ohh, I thought that you...\nEmily Waltham: Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven and Andrea Waltham.\nStephen Waltham: Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do? Very nice to meet you. Darling it's the Gellers. Darling, it's the Gellers. She's very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her.\nAndrea Waltham: Sorry, what?\nStephen Waltham: It's the Gellers!\nAndrea Waltham: Where?\nStephen Waltham: Well there's one and there's another .\nAndrea Waltham: Lovely to meet you.\nStephen Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding.\nJack Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, we're happy to do it.\nJudy Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw .\nMonica Geller: Ha ha, a joke that's funny in all countries.\nWaiter: Sir?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's in it?\nWaiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not food...No, I don't, no... Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like.\nChandler Bing: Joey, it's been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Your different here too. Your mean in England.\nJack Geller: What the hell!!!\nRoss Geller: what's up, Dad?\nJack Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. it's insane.\nJudy Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.\nJack Geller: Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I'm paying to remodel this guys house. I'm going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.\nRoss Geller: Dad, dad, please. Look I don't want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?\nJack Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.\nJudy Geller: Ooh, Jack... Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be.\nMonica Geller: And I'm going to go get drunk.\nRachel Green: Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. Hi.\nTicket Agent: Hello.\nRachel Green: Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?\nTicket Agent: There's one leaving in thirty minutes.\nRachel Green: Ohh, good.\nTicket Agent: And I do have one seat left.\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.\nTicket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.\nRachel Green: Huh.. How about 600?\nTicket Agent: Sorry.\nRachel Green: How about 600 and these earrings?\nTicket Agent: They prefer it if I don't barter.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I just don't think I have enough left on my credit card.\nTicket Agent: Well you can split it with another credit card.\nRachel Green: Ohh, okay, how about five. Ohh, thank you.\nTicket Agent: I'm just going to need to see your passport.\nRachel Green: Okay, you know what? I don't have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty.\nTicket Agent: \nRoss Geller: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.\nStephen Waltham: Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.\nRoss Geller: I go back there with lawn ornaments, he's going to laugh in my face.\nAndrea Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!!\nStephen Waltham: Don't take that tone with me. All-all right you can.\nRachel Green: Hi, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...\nRachel Green: Bye, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!\nChandler Bing: I'd like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. And I thought things were going to work out for him.. Until the day he over inflated her. Ohh, Dear God..\nAndrea Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or Ross's sister Monica.\nAndrea Waltham: Who is this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends.\nAndrea Waltham: Where did you get this number?\nPhoebe Buffay: I got it from your maid. She's a bitch, but I wore her down.\nAndrea Waltham: Well, if you're one of Ross's best friends, why aren't you here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies.\nAndrea Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?\nPhoebe Buffay: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It's very very important.\nAndrea Waltham: No, I'm bored with you now. I'm going to cut you off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! Okay, I'm going to have to kick her ass too.\nChandler Bing: And I'm sure we're all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. But not as much as I love America. Could we please..go home now?\nFelicity: Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.\nMonica Geller: I was laughing.\nChandler Bing: Out loud?\nMonica Geller: Well I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid.\nChandler Bing: So how are you doing?\nMonica Geller: My mother's driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I'm happy. I'm not going to let anything spoil that.\nDrunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.\nMonica Geller: Well, thanks, we like him.\nDrunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him.\nJack Geller: There's no way in hell, I'm paying for it.\nRoss Geller: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding.\nJack Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, I'm not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren't for us, cheap little man.\nChandler Bing: The guy was hammered, okay? There's no way, you look like Ross's mother.\nMonica Geller: Then why would he say it?\nChandler Bing: Because he's crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.\nMonica Geller: Oh, my mother's right. I'm never going to get married.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, you know what? That is...Who wouldn't want you?\nMonica Geller: Ohh, Please?! I'm a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm back. Listen, I need to...\nTicket Agent: Hello.\nRachel Green: Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight.\nTicket Agent: Oh I'm afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate.\nRachel Green: Okay, you know what? You're going to have to call that plane and tell them to swing around and come and pick me up.\nTicket Agent: I can't do that.\nRachel Green: Sure, you know what? Come on, we'll just tell them that there was like a problem with like the \"engine\".\nTicket Agent: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step aside, Miss.\nRachel Green: Look, If I don't get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!\nTicket Agent: I can't imagine why.\nRachel Green: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!!\nRoss Geller: I'm getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!\nChandler Bing: Morning, Ross.\nRoss Geller: I'm getting married, to..day!!\nChandler Bing: Yeah you are!!\nRoss Geller: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!\nMonica Geller: Do you think he knew I was here?\nRachel Green: Ohhh.\nPassenger: Ahh, ahh, excuse me.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPassenger: If you're planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.\nRachel Green: Oh. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Sorry. It's just, I'm ahh, I'm kinda excited. I'm, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and...\nChandler Bing: Well I've-I've never done that with you before.\nMonica Geller: Nope.\nChandler Bing: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?\nMonica Geller: Yep, yep...You?\nChandler Bing: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You? We did you.\nMonica Geller: Well...I'd better get going.\nChandler Bing: Oh yea yea, absolutely.\nMonica Geller: Could you not look?\nChandler Bing: I don't want to look.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, were the hell have you been?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't want to hear about her!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachel's coming to London.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh great!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No it's not great. No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.\nJoey Tribbiani: But, he loves Emily?\nPhoebe Buffay: I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She's going to ruin the wedding!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so, okay...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hold on. Hold on. Rachel coming. Do...Something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so I'm done my part, okay. It's your responsibility now, okay. The burden is off me, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Right!\nPhoebe Buffay: So tell me about this girl?\nRachel Green: ...And so then I realised. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...\nPassenger: Oh, oh oh!! I'm sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.\nRachel Green: Ehh, pardon me?\nPassenger: You say you love this man, yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.\nRachel Green: But he has to know how I feel!\nPassenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.\nRachel Green: Well I-I think your wrong.\nPassenger: Oh-no.\nRachel Green: Well, he doesn't really love her. I mean, it's just a rebound thing from me... You'll see!\nPassenger: Fortunately, I won't. And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do something... Something...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you seen Monica?\nChandler Bing: I'm not seeing Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look we've got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel's coming to tell Ross she loves him!!\nChandler Bing: Oh my god!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! That's why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?\nChandler Bing: No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just shine a light in my eyes?!\nJudy Geller: Oh my God! It's like a fairyland.\nAndrea Waltham: I know, it's horrible isn't it?\nMonica Geller: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.\nJudy Geller: I just hope...\nMonica Geller: You can let some of them go by!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. I'll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.\nMonica Geller: Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I don't even like Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I do. I do. I do.\nChandler Bing: Oh yea, your right. It's the second one.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nFelicity: Hello Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Felicity.\nFelicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nFelicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fuggetaboutit. How you doin?\nFelicity: Mmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah.\nJudy Geller: There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine cellar.\nStephen Waltham: You-you have to meet me in the middle here.\nJack Geller: Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass.\nRoss Geller: Dad!!\nEmily Waltham: What-what's going on?!\nRoss Geller: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.\nStephen Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? You want a piece of me?\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! That's it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! That's right!!\nJack Geller: Okay, okay.\nStephen Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I could kill you with my thumb, you know.\nEmily Waltham: What was all that about?\nRoss Geller: It was...This disagreement over... My god. You...you look beautiful.\nEmily Waltham: Ohh... Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck.\nRoss Geller: You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have.\nRoss Geller: My God. Rachel! Your here. I can't believe it. What happen? Why are you here?\nRachel Green: Well I just came... I just needed to tell you... Congratulations.\nAndrea Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It's Phoebe again.\nAndrea Waltham: Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.\nAndrea Waltham: Joey there's a girl on the phone for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh great!! Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, it's Phoebe. Did you stop Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but it's okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.\nPhoebe Buffay: So nothing got ruined?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's so great! Ohh, so what's going on now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, I'm-I'm walking down the aisle...Still walking. I'm about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. Hey! I told her \"Hey.\" And now I'm at the front with Ross. It's Phoebe. He looks pretty mad. Uh...I'd better go.\nPhoebe Buffay: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen.\nChandler Bing: What we did last night was...\nMonica Geller: Stupid.\nChandler Bing: Totally crazy stupid.\nMonica Geller: What were we thinking?\nChandler Bing: I'm coming over tonight though, right?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah. Definitely.\nMinister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...\nEmily Waltham: I, Emily...\nMinister: Take thee Ross...\nEmily Waltham: Take thee Ross...\nMinister: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.\nEmily Waltham: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.\nMinister: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...\nRoss Geller: I Ross...\nMinister: Take thee, Emily...\nRoss Geller: Take thee, Rachel... Emily. Emily.\nRachel Green: He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?\nMinister: Uhh...Shall I go on?\nEmily Waltham: Yes, yes, do go on.\nJack Geller: He better go on for what I'm paying.\nStephen Waltham: After what he just said, you're paying for the whole bloody lot.\nMinister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross...\nRoss Geller: I, Ross...\nMinister: Take thee, EM-I-LY...\nRoss Geller: Take thee, Emily. Like there'd be anybody else.\nMinister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.\nAndrea Waltham: Looks like that might come any minute.\nRoss Geller: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily.\nMinister: May I have the rings? Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.\nRoss Geller: Happy to.\nMinister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.\nRoss Geller: Yay!\nMinister: You may kiss the bride.\nJudy Geller: This is worse than when he married the lesbian.\nEmily Waltham: Just keep smiling.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that went well. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: It could've been worse, he could've shot her.\nRoss Geller: That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it?\nEmily Waltham: You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?\nRoss Geller: That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. She's just fixing her makeup.\nEmily Waltham: I hate you!!\nRoss Geller: And, I love you!!\nJack Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?\nRoss Geller: That's true, thanks dad. People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!!\nAndrea Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange.\nAndrea Waltham: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.\nAndrea Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello? What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.\nMonica Geller: I know. How could we have let this happen?\nChandler Bing: Seven times!\nMonica Geller: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away...\nChandler Bing: In a foreign, romantic country...\nMonica Geller: I blame London.\nChandler Bing: Bad London!\nMonica Geller: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it.\nMonica Geller: Only here.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs...\nMonica Geller: I'll meet you there in two minutes.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nRachel Green: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.\nMonica Geller: Now?\nRachel Green: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I-I don't know.\nRachel Green: Monica, what should I do?\nMonica Geller: Just uh, do the right thing.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box!\nRachel Green: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.\nMonica Geller: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realise that, I can't help you.\nRachel Green: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me.\nJudy Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?\nStephen Waltham: Yes.\nJack Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: You and me, next dance?\nAndrea Waltham: Sweetheart, sweetheart...\nRachel Green: Yes?\nAndrea Waltham: You know, we're all wondering who this Rachel is. Can you point her out to me?\nRachel Green: Oh, you know what? Rachel.. She just left.\nAndrea Waltham: Oh.. Never mind. Who are you?\nRachel Green: Ra... Er.. Barbra.\nAndrea Waltham: Red Barbra?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?\nChandler Bing: Forget it, that's off.\nMonica Geller: Why?!\nStephen Waltham: The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes...\nMonica Geller: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.\nMonica Geller: That's true.\nChandler Bing: The man's got a point.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well.\nRoss Geller: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, \"I take thee circus freak.\" Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right?\nRoss Geller: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you...\nRachel Green: Right...\nRoss Geller: But it absolutely didn't. It didn't!! It didn't!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so...\nRoss Geller: Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!!\nJoey Tribbiani: You spit on me man!\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?\nRachel Green: Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.\nRoss Geller: Oh, right!\nRachel Green: Get the hell out of there, y'know?\nRoss Geller: Emily? Emily? I'm coming in.\nRachel Green: Well, look at that, same thing.\nChandler Bing: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, \"Yippee!\" just ignore me.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!\nChandler Bing: Oh, hello Rachel.\nRachel Green: Ross said my name. Okay? My name.\nMonica Geller: How did you get in here?\nRachel Green: If anybody asks, I'm your sister, Joan. Listen. C'mon, you guys. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me!\nChandler Bing: Your sister Joan is crazy.\nRachel Green: Y'know what? Fine, I don't care. Don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?\nChandler Bing: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.\nMonica Geller: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes.\nMonica Geller: Fifteen minutes.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! It's Phoebe!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yay...\nMonica Geller: Great...\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, so what happened?\nRachel Green: Well, Ross said my name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything.\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then...\nChandler Bing: Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room?\nMonica Geller: But my clothes are-ohh!\nChandler Bing: Wow, you look...\nMonica Geller: No time for that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!\nChandler Bing: Well, I've got a girl in here.\nJoey Tribbiani: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica!\nChandler Bing: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?\nChandler Bing: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here?\nMonica Geller: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant!\nJoey Tribbiani: My Giant? I love that movie!\nMonica Geller: You really think this is okay?\nChandler Bing: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it.\nMonica Geller: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this.\nChandler Bing: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Emily?!\nChandler Bing: Nope, not under here!\nMonica Geller: You didn't find her?\nRoss Geller: No, I've looked everywhere!\nChandler Bing: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.\nMonica Geller: Or 45.\nChandler Bing: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice.\nRoss Geller: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. Right here.\nMonica Geller: Well, it's getting late.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we're gonna go.\nRoss Geller: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?\nMonica Geller: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's a very large plane.\nRoss Geller: That's cool.\nChandler Bing: But, we'll stay here with you.\nRoss Geller: Thanks guys! I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt.\nChandler Bing: We have to leave for New York in an hour.\nMonica Geller: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think?\nChandler Bing: We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it.\nRoss Geller: Em-Emily? Em-Emily? Emily!\nStephen Waltham: No.\nAndrea Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us.\nStephen Waltham: We've come for her things.\nRoss Geller: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?\nStephen Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again.\nAndrea Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious.\nStephen Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here!\nAndrea Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.\nRachel Green: Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside...\nStephen Waltham: Goodbye Geller.\nRoss Geller: Now, hold on! Hold on! Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that.\nStephen Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. Come on bugger face!\nAndrea Waltham: Call me.\nStephen Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit?\nChandler Bing: 'Kay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I ask you something?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, \"I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant.\" Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing?\nChandler Bing: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks man.\nChandler Bing: Okay man.\nJoey Tribbiani: But what about how much taller he is than me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.\nMonica Geller: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Had the beef-tips, huh?\nRoss Geller: Rach! Rach!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?\nRoss Geller: Not yet.\nRachel Green: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?\nGate Agent: This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.\nRoss Geller: Pretty soon I guess.\nRachel Green: Yeah. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up?\nRachel Green: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.\nRoss Geller: Same difference.\nGate Agent: All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.\nRoss Geller: I get it! Well, that's that.\nRachel Green: No, you know what, I think you should go.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know...\nRachel Green: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!\nRoss Geller: I could, yeah, I can do that.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go!\nRachel Green: Good!\nRoss Geller: I know, why not?\nRachel Green: Right!\nRoss Geller: Right?\nRachel Green: Right!\nRoss Geller: Y'know-thanks!\nRachel Green: Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well...nah.\nRachel Green: What? Wait, what?\nRoss Geller: Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?\nRachel Green: Well-well, I don't know Ross-really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nRachel Green: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Cool!\nRachel Green: All right!\nRoss Geller: Come on! Here.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!\nRachel Green: Oh, wait-wait-wait...\nRoss Geller: You tell them to wait!\nRachel Green: Okay. Wait! Wait!\nRoss Geller: Emily.\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! No! No! Emily!\nRachel Green: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot\nAir Hostess: Okay.\nRachel Green: And uh, he will have a white wine spritzer.\nAir Hostess: Okay, good. Thank you. I'll be back shortly, all right?\nRachel Green: All right. Woo! Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? They said they were gonna wait! Miss? Yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? Oh my... Ross, you better be under the wheels of this thing!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: You ate meat! You had sex!\nChandler Bing: No we didn't!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, I did not have sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, me too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.\nMonica Geller: Well, we certainly are alone.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule.\nMonica Geller: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother...\nChandler Bing: Right.\nMonica Geller: Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay?\nMonica Geller: That's okay.\nChandler Bing: And I'm cute too.\nMonica Geller: And you're cute too.\nChandler Bing: Thank you! All right, I gotta go unpack.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Bye.\nChandler Bing: I'm still on London time, does that count?\nMonica Geller: That counts!\nChandler Bing: Oh, good!"}
{"text": "Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...\nRoss Geller: I Ross...\nMinister: Take thee, Emily...\nRoss Geller: Take thee, Rachel... Emily. Emily.\nMinister: Uhh...Shall I go on?\nRachel Green: He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?\nEmily Waltham: Yes, yes, do go on.\nMinister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross...\nRoss Geller: I, Ross...\nMinister: Take thee, EM-I-LY...\nRoss Geller: Take thee, Emily. Like there'd be anybody else.\nMinister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.\nRoss Geller: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily.\nMinister: May I have the rings? Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.\nRoss Geller: Happy too.\nMinister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.\nRoss Geller: Yay!\nMinister: You may kiss the bride.\nJudy Geller: This is worse than when he married the lesbian.\nEmily Waltham: Just keep smiling.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that went well. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: It could've been worse, he could've shot her.\nRoss Geller: That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it?\nEmily Waltham: You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?\nRoss Geller: That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. She's just fixing her makeup.\nEmily Waltham: I hate you!!\nRoss Geller: And, I love you!!\nJack Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?\nRoss Geller: That's true, thanks dad. People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!!\nAndrea Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange.\nAndrea Waltham: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.\nAndrea Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.\nMonica Geller: I know. How could we have let this happen?\nChandler Bing: Seven times!\nMonica Geller: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away...\nChandler Bing: In a foreign, romantic country...\nMonica Geller: I blame London.\nChandler Bing: Bad London!\nMonica Geller: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it.\nMonica Geller: Only here.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs...\nMonica Geller: I'll meet you there in two minutes.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nRachel Green: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.\nMonica Geller: Now?\nRachel Green: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I-I don't know.\nRachel Green: Monica, what should I do?\nMonica Geller: Just uh, do the right thing.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box!\nRachel Green: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.\nMonica Geller: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realize that, I can't help you.\nRachel Green: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me.\nJudy Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?\nStephen Waltham: Yes.\nJack Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what's up?\nMonica Geller: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?\nChandler Bing: Forget it, that's off.\nMonica Geller: Why?!\nStephen Waltham: The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes...\nMonica Geller: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.\nMonica Geller: That's true.\nChandler Bing: The man's got a point.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well.\nRoss Geller: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, \"I take thee circus freak.\" Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right?\nRoss Geller: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you...\nRachel Green: Right...\nRoss Geller: But it absolutely didn't. It didn't!! It didn't!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so...\nRoss Geller: Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!!\nJoey Tribbiani: You spit on me man!\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?\nRachel Green: Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.\nRoss Geller: Oh, right!\nRachel Green: Get the hell out of there, y'know?\nRoss Geller: Emily? Emily? I'm coming in.\nRachel Green: Well, look at that, same thing.\nChandler Bing: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, \"Yippee!\" just ignore me.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!\nChandler Bing: Oh, hello Rachel.\nRachel Green: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! Okay, don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?\nChandler Bing: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.\nMonica Geller: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes.\nMonica Geller: Fifteen minutes.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! It's Phoebe!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yay...\nMonica Geller: Great...\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, so what happened?\nRachel Green: Well, Ross said my name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything.\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then...\nChandler Bing: Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room?\nMonica Geller: But my clothes are-ohh!\nChandler Bing: Wow, you look...\nMonica Geller: No time for that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!\nChandler Bing: Well, I've got a girl in here.\nJoey Tribbiani: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica!\nChandler Bing: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?\nChandler Bing: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here?\nMonica Geller: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant!\nJoey Tribbiani: My Giant? I love that movie!\nMonica Geller: You really think this is okay?\nChandler Bing: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it.\nMonica Geller: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this.\nChandler Bing: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Emily?!\nChandler Bing: Nope, not under here!\nMonica Geller: You didn't find her?\nRoss Geller: No, I've looked everywhere!\nChandler Bing: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.\nMonica Geller: Or 45.\nChandler Bing: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice.\nRoss Geller: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. Right here.\nMonica Geller: Well, it's getting late.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we're gonna go.\nRoss Geller: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?\nMonica Geller: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's a very large plane.\nRoss Geller: That's cool.\nChandler Bing: But, we'll stay here with you.\nRoss Geller: Thanks guys! I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt.\nChandler Bing: We have to leave for New York in an hour.\nMonica Geller: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think?\nChandler Bing: We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it.\nRoss Geller: Em-Emily? Em-Emily? Emily!\nStephen Waltham: No.\nAndrea Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us.\nStephen Waltham: We've come for her things.\nRoss Geller: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?\nStephen Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again.\nAndrea Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious.\nStephen Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here!\nAndrea Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.\nRachel Green: Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside...\nStephen Waltham: Goodbye Geller.\nRoss Geller: Now, hold on! Hold on! Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that.\nStephen Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. Come on bugger face!\nAndrea Waltham: Call me.\nStephen Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit?\nChandler Bing: 'Kay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I ask you something?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, \"I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant.\" Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing?\nChandler Bing: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks man.\nChandler Bing: Okay man.\nJoey Tribbiani: But what about how much taller he is than me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.\nMonica Geller: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Had the beef-tips, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: You ate meat! You had sex!\nChandler Bing: No we didn't!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, I did not have sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, me too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.\nMonica Geller: Well, we certainly are alone.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule.\nMonica Geller: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother...\nChandler Bing: Right.\nMonica Geller: Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay?\nMonica Geller: That's okay.\nChandler Bing: And I'm cute too.\nMonica Geller: And you're cute too.\nChandler Bing: Thank you! All right, I gotta go unpack.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Bye.\nChandler Bing: I'm still on London time, does that count?\nMonica Geller: That counts!\nChandler Bing: Oh, good!\nRoss Geller: Rach! Rach!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?\nRoss Geller: Not yet.\nRachel Green: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?\nGate Agent: This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.\nRoss Geller: Pretty soon I guess.\nRachel Green: Yeah. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up?\nRachel Green: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.\nRoss Geller: Same difference.\nGate Agent: All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.\nRoss Geller: I get it! Well, that's that.\nRachel Green: No, you know what, I think you should go.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know...\nRachel Green: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!\nRoss Geller: I could, yeah, I can do that.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go!\nRachel Green: Good!\nRoss Geller: I know, why not?\nRachel Green: Right!\nRoss Geller: Right?\nRachel Green: Right!\nRoss Geller: Y'know-thanks!\nRachel Green: Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well...nah.\nRachel Green: What? Wait, what?\nRoss Geller: Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?\nRachel Green: Well-well, I don't know Ross-really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nRachel Green: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Cool!\nRachel Green: All right!\nRoss Geller: Come on! Here.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!\nRachel Green: Oh, wait-wait-wait...\nRoss Geller: You tell them to wait!\nRachel Green: Okay. Wait! Wait!\nRoss Geller: Emily.\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! No! No! Emily!\nRachel Green: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? Oh my God. Oh, my gosh."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: You look cute in bubbles.\nChandler Bing: Ehh, you're just liquored up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!\nChandler Bing: I've had a very long, hard day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?\nChandler Bing: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nChandler Bing: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.\nMonica Geller: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Pheebs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Mornin' Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver...\nJoey Tribbiani: Was his name Angus?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway...\nMonica Geller: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?\nChandler Bing: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh...\nMonica Geller: Bodington's!\nEveryone: Bodington's! Woohoo!\nChandler Bing: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat-I don't want to talk about it.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: That was good beer.\nRoss Geller: Ohh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.\nJoey Tribbiani: Later!\nRoss Geller: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, she should be here by now.\nRoss Geller: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?\nMonica Geller: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know-Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?\nPhoebe Buffay: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?\nRoss Geller: No, not since I lost her at the airport.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe she can out run you man!\nRoss Geller: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.\nRoss Geller: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.\nRachel Green: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel.\nRoss Geller: So, what? That's it?\nRachel Green: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best.\nRachel Green: Oh no, you're the best.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.\nChandler Bing: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.\nMonica Geller: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!\nRachel Green: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, \"Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?\" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's not true.\nRachel Green: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.\nPhoebe Buffay: London is stupid! Stupid!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh... No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.\nMonica Geller: I'll do it!\nRachel Green: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I gotta go to work.\nChandler Bing: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs! Always a pleasure.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.\nRachel Green: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't-I still can't believe it.\nMonica Geller: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.\nRachel Green: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it ...\nMonica Geller: Ohh.\nRachel Green: ...I mean it's my fault.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet it was about her a little.\nMonica Geller: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! I mean, he's nice, he's cute.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda...\nMonica Geller: Oh, what about that guy over there? Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.\nMonica Geller: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.\nRachel Green: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Say that to him and you're golden.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs!\nMonica Geller: We got out pictures back from London. Here's all of us at the Tower of London.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me.\nChandler Bing: All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.\nEveryone: Sorry.\nMonica Geller: What happened?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!\nRachel Green: Well...\nGunther: Get out!\nMonica Geller: What took you so long?\nChandler Bing: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.\nMonica Geller: Oh, good.\nChandler Bing: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. Pheebs.\nJoey Tribbiani: See ya!! What the hell was that?!\nMonica Geller: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.\nRachel Green: That's not European!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it felt French.\nRachel Green: Oh God, I really had a good time!\nDave: Yeah, me too. So, I guess this is it.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?\nDave: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.\nDave: Okay, yeah!\nRachel Green: Umm, hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.\nRoss Geller: She's doing her laundry.\nRachel Green: What's that?\nRoss Geller: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!\nRachel Green: Oh, honey that's awful.\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.\nRachel Green: But, it's not raining.\nRoss Geller: I can't catch a break!\nRachel Green: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? Hey, Dave!\nDave: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.\nMonica Geller: Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!\nRachel Green: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!\nMonica Geller: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?\nRachel Green: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted...tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.\nMonica Geller: What?!! You cannot tell him that!!\nRachel Green: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!\nMonica Geller: I make the decisions, and I say no.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.\nMonica Geller: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, \"I'm not fired!\" Ha!\nRachel Green: Well...\nMonica Geller: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!\nJoey Tribbiani: Havin' some trouble?\nMonica Geller: Rachel locked the door.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.\nMonica Geller: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!\nMonica Geller: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: I really need to talk to you.\nRachel Green: Well, then talk!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?\nRachel Green: Yes!\nRoss Geller: What thing?\nMonica Geller: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might end up hurting.\nRoss Geller: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. My God, think of the massacre.\nRachel Green: I'm gonna do it.\nMonica Geller: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.\nRachel Green: But I...\nMonica Geller: Please!\nRachel Green: All right, fine.\nMonica Geller: Joey, I'm in!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Good deal.\nEveryone: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, okay, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!\nMonica Geller: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic , in Central Park!\nPhoebe Buffay: Central... Park!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, all of us! All day!\nPhoebe Buffay: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? \"Well, it's right by my house, all right!\"\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea.\nRachel Green: Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just-y'know-stop it!\nChandler Bing: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.\nMonica Geller: Makes me wanna puke!\nRoss Geller: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Pheebs!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, woo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, woo! Hi.\nChandler Bing: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little... Y'know, it didn't have any... It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mine!\nRoss Geller: Wait! It was my plan.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.\nRoss Geller: And, I came up with Atlantic City.\nJoey Tribbiani: Which, is the new plan!\nMonica Geller: Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!\nMonica Geller: Come on Rach, let's go.\nRachel Green: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.\nMonica Geller: No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I-I don't care.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I-I can't watch.\nRachel Green: What 'cha readin'?\nRoss Geller: The paper.\nRachel Green: Yeah, what's it about?\nRoss Geller: Events from around the globe.\nRachel Green: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.\nRoss Geller: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized...\nRachel Green: Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Go ahead.\nRachel Green: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, I'm still in love with you Ross.\nRoss Geller: Wow. Umm... Huh... I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.\nRoss Geller: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.\nRachel Green: I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.\nRoss Geller: Why are you laughing?\nRachel Green: Because , because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel was like, \"You are such an idiot!\"\nRoss Geller: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, that's not funny.\nRoss Geller: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. \"Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?\" Don't know!\nRachel Green: Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?\nRoss Geller: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is...\nRachel Green: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.\nRoss Geller: That is what the thing is.\nRachel Green: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?\nRoss Geller: No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you.\nRachel Green: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice.\nRoss Geller: No thank you for... Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Okay, let's go!\nChandler Bing: Atlantic City!\nPhoebe Buffay: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You're water broke!\nThe Guys: Ohh!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun!\nEveryone: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!\nChandler Bing: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.\nRachel Green: High-five, the babies are coming!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, wait, remember when my water broke?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!\nChandler Bing: I know, it's beautiful. Amazing.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.\nMonica Geller: Do you know anything about women?\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: That's all right.\nChandler Bing: Okay."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hi.\nNurse: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.\nNurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions?\nPhoebe Buffay: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?\nNurse: Well...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: It's all right.\nNurse: Now, which of you is the father?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.\nNurse: Okay...\nRachel Green: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!\nMonica Geller: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.\nChandler Bing: That's right.\nRachel Green: You-you're not wearing a jacket.\nMonica Geller: Oh man! I did it again!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. And then my mom wants to know-Joey, what are you doing?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta get the before shot!\nRachel Green: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, she's so stupid!\nRoss Geller: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!\nRachel Green: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, he's head of the department.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right-Ooh! Oh dead God, save me!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm having my first contraction!\nChandler Bing: Oh no.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, it's not bad.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee!\nChandler Bing: Hey! You okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, something hurts!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nDr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie.\nChandler Bing: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?\nMonica Geller: That's what it sounded like.\nChandler Bing: All right...\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my!\nRachel Green: They're male nurses.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not in my head.\nRachel Green: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?\nMonica Geller: Umm. Umm. Umm. I don't think so.\nRachel Green: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.\nMonica Geller: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it?\nRachel Green: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep! There's always room for Jell-O...\nRachel Green: Joey, how do you make that dirty?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, Grandma's chicken salad...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! Get a shot of this. Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies... Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either-Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.\nRoss Geller: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.\nChandler Bing: Really? Male nurses?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I was bummed too.\nChandler Bing: So they're going on dates? When?\nJoey Tribbiani: I think Saturday-.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: What's with him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.\nDr. Harad: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nDr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.\nChandler Bing: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?\nDr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.\nChandler Bing: All right.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: It's not that weird, is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo!\nRoss Geller: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie...\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!\nRoss Geller: Again, it's not that he...\nChandler Bing: Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!\nMonica Geller: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.\nChandler Bing: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.\nMonica Geller: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.\nChandler Bing: Fine! Maybe I will too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. Get up! Get up! Get up!\nRoss Geller: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! And you're going into what grade?\nDr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.\nDr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Oh cool! You made him cry!\nJoey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, well, what else could it be?\nJoey's Doctor: It's kidney stones.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or?\nJoey's Doctor: Kidney stones!\nDr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.\nPhoebe Buffay: They are. Why?\nDr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy birthday!\nDr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie.\nRachel Green: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, it is.\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Can I tell you a little secret?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: I want to keep one.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!\nRachel Green: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!\nRachel Green: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, just ask him!\nRachel Green: Me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!\nRachel Green: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Tell him it's for you.\nMonica Geller: Feeling a little better sweetie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.\nMonica Geller: Me too.\nRoss Geller: Hey! I just heard. What's up?\nJoey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra...\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option-what's a urethra? Are you crazy?!\nPhoebe Buffay: So did you ask him?\nRachel Green: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.\nDr. Harad: Oh Fonzie.\nRachel Green: Y'know who I always liked? Mork.\nPhoebe Buffay: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.\nDr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.\nRachel Green: Yeah, but umm... Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?\nDr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nMonica Geller: How are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, doctor says any minute now.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.\nMale Nurse: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMale Nurse: Rachel.\nRachel Green: Monica, this is Dan , one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. Uh Dan, Monica.\nDan: Nice to meet you.\nMonica Geller: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!\nChandler Bing: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nDan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nDan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.\nChandler Bing: Sure. And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way.\nMonica Geller: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow?\nDan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.\nMonica Geller: Oh, great!\nChandler Bing: Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?\nDelivery Room Nurse: No.\nChandler Bing: All right. Very good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, get these things out of me!\nRoss Geller: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.\nJoey Tribbiani: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs!\nRoss Geller: I do too! I do too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Argh!\nRoss Geller: Argh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Argh!\nRoss Geller: Argh!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now!\nRachel Green: Oh, honey, don't worry. She's gonna make it on time.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Not to me.\nRachel Green: Yeah, fair enough.\nDr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.\nMonica Geller: Bye Dan!\nDan: Uh, bye Monica.\nChandler Bing: Bye, momi-moo.\nDr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nDr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.\nJoey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing.\nDr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!\nDan: I see the head.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yes, it has a head!\nDr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.\nDr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Frank Jr. Jr.!!\nRachel Green: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: So gross!\nDr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?\nPhoebe Buffay: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!\nDr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Hey, where's his thing?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Chandler's a girl!\nChandler Bing: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.\nFrank Buffay Jr.: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!\nChandler Bing: Okay, keep saying it!\nAlice Knight: Am I too late?!\nFrank Buffay Jr.: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.\nAlice Knight: We have our babies?\nFrank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.\nAlice Knight: Oh, we have our babies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: You did it, man.\nJoey's Doctor: Would you like to see them?\nJoey Tribbiani: They're so small!\nDan: So, I'll call you tomorrow.\nMonica Geller: Great!\nChandler Bing: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?\nMonica Geller: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.\nMonica Geller: I think you're better than you think you are.\nChandler Bing: Really? Okay, so...\nMonica Geller: Know when to stop.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. Don't do the dance.\nChandler Bing: Right!\nMonica Geller: I think you're my favorite.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which one do you have?\nMonica Geller: I don't care.\nRachel Green: Hi. Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.\nPhoebe Buffay: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know...\nRachel Green: Yeah, umm, no honey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.\nEveryone: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Well, if you're gonna cry.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nRachel Green: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.\nChandler Bing: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?\nPhoebe Buffay: They're gonna call her Chandler.\nChandler Bing: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?\nPhoebe Buffay: Works on you."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Come in. I've been waiting for you.\nRachel Green: Hi! I just wanna-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.\nRachel Green: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!\nMonica Geller: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!\nRachel Green: That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh, that one!\nRachel Green: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. Maybe that's him.\nMonica Geller: Okay, umm, okay, umm... It's just Joey and Ross.\nRachel Green: Why aren't you guys at the movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!\nRoss Geller: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!\nJoey Tribbiani: He's talking to London!\nMonica Geller: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.\nRoss Geller: I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.\nChandler Bing: Ha-ha-ha-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.\nMonica Geller: Vomit tux? Who vomited on-y'know what, what you up to Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!\nMonica Geller: Oh that's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, PBS!\nMonica Geller: What's wrong with PBS?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, what's right with them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't you like PBS, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.\nChandler Bing: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.\nPhoebe Buffay: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies.\nPhoebe Buffay: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!\nPhoebe Buffay: What-what are you talking about?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. So?\nJoey Tribbiani: It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, may I ask for one example?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's... Y'know there's-no you may not!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's because all people are selfish.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you calling me selfish?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you calling you people? Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nEmily Waltham: Hello, Ross?\nRoss Geller: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! Hi!\nEmily Waltham: Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!\nRoss Geller: No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me!\nEmily Waltham: Really? About what?\nRoss Geller: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.\nEmily Waltham: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.\nRoss Geller: She's talking.\nEveryone: Yay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?\nJoey Tribbiani: That he doesn't exist.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right.\nRachel Green: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.\nRachel Green: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?\nMonica Geller: Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.\nRachel Green: I don't care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!\nChandler Bing: Really?! That's what you heard? You said that?\nMonica Geller: I might've said that. Why is that funny?\nChandler Bing: Because I'm very happy for him! And you, you lucky dog!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nMonica Geller: That's great!\nRoss Geller: In London!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: She wants me to move to London.\nMonica Geller: But you live here! You know that.\nRachel Green: What-what-what are you gonna do?\nRoss Geller: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.\nRoss Geller: It could happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!\nStage Director: This will be your phone.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.\nStage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.\nJoey Tribbiani: But I'm the host!\nStage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.\nStage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor.\nPhoebe Buffay: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!\nRachel Green: Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.\nPhoebe Buffay: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?\nMonica Geller: Sure!\nChandler Bing: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?\nRachel Green: Chandler! Is he?\nMonica Geller: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.\nChandler Bing: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this.\nRoss Geller: All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.\nEmily Waltham: I understand that would be difficult.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?\nEmily Waltham: I don't know, it's just...\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out.\nEmily Waltham: All right.\nRoss Geller: All right, did you just say all right?\nEmily Waltham: I did. Now I'm the idiot.\nRoss Geller: Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!\nEmily Waltham: Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.\nRoss Geller: Yes, tell me.\nEmily Waltham: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.\nRoss Geller: I know. I am, I am so sorry.\nEmily Waltham: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.\nRoss Geller: Again, very sorry.\nEmily Waltham: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!\nRoss Geller: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.\nEmily Waltham: All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.\nRoss Geller: Oh that is so great! That's...\nEmily Waltham: As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.\nRoss Geller: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh-ohh!\nMonica Geller: Great!\nRoss Geller: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nMonica Geller: What?! You can't-what did you tell her?\nRoss Geller: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? I'm actually asking you!\nChandler Bing: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: That's true!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.\nChandler Bing: That's true!\nMonica Geller: No, you cannot.\nRoss Geller: Thanks for the help, problem solved.\nMonica Geller: Hello.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Mon!\nMonica Geller: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?\nJoey Tribbiani: See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure.\nMonica Geller: You're not on TV.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now?\nChandler Bing: Hey, there he is! There he is!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello New York!\nEmeril: Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs...\nChandler Bing: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!\nMonica Geller: Hi Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.\nChandler Bing: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.\nMonica Geller: William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27.\nChandler Bing: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, so?\nChandler Bing: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nMonica Geller: Why?\nChandler Bing: What's your point?\nJoey Tribbiani: PBS telethon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw, dammit!\nStage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?\nPbs Volunteer: Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man! You've been here all day!\nPbs Volunteer: Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?\nStage Director: We're on in 3, 2,\nGary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to...\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate.\nMonica Geller: A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, it's not a toy.\nRoss Geller: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? Ask again later. Later is not good enough. Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!\nMonica Geller: All right, let me see. Will Chandler have sex tonight? Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: PBS Telethon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.\nJoey Tribbiani: $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you don't a little good about donating the money?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.\nJoey Tribbiani: A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.\nGary Collins: It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers... Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel-Oh no!\nChandler Bing: Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.\nMonica Geller: Keep talking.\nChandler Bing: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH...MY...GOD.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!\nMonica Geller: Well, if we owe it? Oh my... When is Joey gonna be home?\nChandler Bing: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.\nMonica Geller: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: All right, let's show them how it's done.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Ow!\nChandler Bing: Y'know that wasn't part of it?\nMonica Geller: I know!\nRachel Green: Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!\nRoss Geller: For what?\nRachel Green: For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.\nRachel Green: Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!\nRoss Geller: It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.\nRachel Green: Like what?\nRoss Geller: Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.\nRachel Green: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.\nRoss Geller: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.\nRachel Green: Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to... Hi!\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy!\nRoss Geller: Hello. Hi sweetie. Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. So will you come to New York?\nMonica Geller: Never done that before.\nChandler Bing: Nope."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica? What time is it?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, 9.\nJoey Tribbiani: But it's dark out.\nMonica Geller: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise.\nMonica Geller: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.\nChandler Bing: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.\nMonica Geller: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!\nChandler Bing: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go.\nMonica Geller: Wait! What about Joey?\nMonica Geller: Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!\nMonica Geller: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.\nChandler Bing: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.\nMonica Geller: No, she's out shopping.\nRoss Geller: Damn!\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nRoss Geller: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?\nRoss Geller: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the \"I get to see my wife,\" part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this.\nMonica Geller: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?\nRoss Geller: I have no idea. I mean... But-but I assure you I will figure it out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Doesn't seem like it's going to work, I mean...\nRachel Green: Hi, guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Uh, hey!\nRachel Green: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: We're flipping Monica's mattress.\nJoey Tribbiani: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's better than my way.\nRachel Green: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?\nChandler Bing: Aww, man!\nRachel Green: Oh look! A letter from my mom.\nRoss Geller: So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you hear anything?\nChandler Bing: Oh yes, somebody just said, \"Can you hear anything?\"\nMonica Geller: Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, Madlibs, mine!\nChandler Bing: Condoms?\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.\nChandler Bing: And condoms are the way to do that?\nRoss Geller: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily...\nRachel Green: Oh my God! My dog died!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog!\nRoss Geller: Le Poo's still alive?!\nRachel Green: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-teen blocks. Oh. Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.\nRachel Green: It's Le Poo.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe it! We're here!\nMonica Geller: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!\nChandler Bing: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.\nMonica Geller: Come here. Okay, be right back.\nChandler Bing: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!\nMonica Geller: We're switching rooms.\nChandler Bing: Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!\nMonica Geller: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?\nChandler Bing: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed!\nRoss Geller: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah!\nRoss Geller: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing... Okay, here goes. I made a promise that-Oh hey!\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: You're nose is bleeding!\nRachel Green: Oh God. No! Oh not again! This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me?\nRoss Geller: Umm...\nRachel Green: Sorry. Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.\nHotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.\nChandler Bing: Okay, great.\nHotel Clerk: They say he's only got half a tank left.\nChandler Bing: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!\nMonica Geller: We're switching rooms again.\nChandler Bing: What? Why?\nMonica Geller: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.\nHotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.\nMonica Geller: Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!\nChandler Bing: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.\nMonica Geller: Okay, this one I like!\nChandler Bing: Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!\nMonica Geller: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?\nMonica Geller: Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight!\nChandler Bing: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!\nChandler Bing: Do not speak ill of the dead.\nMonica Geller: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?\nChandler Bing: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.\nMonica Geller: What did you say?\nChandler Bing: I said, \"Geez, relax Monnnnn.\"\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.\nRachel Green: Okay, what's up?\nRoss Geller: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.\nRoss Geller: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants...\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: ...is for me not to see you anymore.\nRachel Green: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?\nRoss Geller: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!\nRoss Geller: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Storming out!\nRoss Geller: Rachel, this is your apartment.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!\nChandler Bing: Damn Rollos!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're back!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: How was your conference?\nChandler Bing: It was terrible. I fought with my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?\nChandler Bing: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're back too!\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how was your chef thing?\nMonica Geller: Oh, it was awful. I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Monica.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.\nChandler Bing: Okay, fine, $300.\nMonica Geller: 300 dollars?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!\nMonica Geller: Urghh!!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you guys woofing about?\nMonica Geller: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!\nRoss Geller: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.\nJoey Tribbiani: You want my advice?\nRoss Geller: Yes! Please!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're not gonna like it.\nRoss Geller: That's okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got married to fast.\nRoss Geller: That's not advice!\nJoey Tribbiani: I told ya.\nRoss Geller: I'm going to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it.\nMonica Geller: Maybe I could do it.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi, Rach.\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there.\nRachel Green: That's not Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.\nChandler Bing: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're not Kip!\nRachel Green: Do you even know who Kip is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who cares? You're Rachel! Who's Kip?\nChandler Bing: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that poor bastard.\nRachel Green: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!\nMonica Geller: You're not gonna be phased out!\nRachel Green: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ehh!!\nRachel Green: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.\nChandler Bing: Yes that was mine.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.\nChandler Bing: Yes that would have made more sense.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!\nRachel Green: Phoebe? I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. You gotta come with me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come where?\nRachel Green: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, but try and get Joey too.\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, sure! Bye Ross! Forever.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?\nRoss Geller: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross...\nRoss Geller: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?\nRachel Green: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.\nRoss Geller: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?\nRachel Green: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this is happening.\nRachel Green: I know.\nRoss Geller: I am so sorry.\nRachel Green: I know that too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: I just came over to drop off...nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it did.\nChandler Bing: So, I guess this is over.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.\nMonica Geller: Why, exactly?\nChandler Bing: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.\nMonica Geller: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than-Ohhh!\nChandler Bing: So, this isn't over?\nMonica Geller: You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.\nChandler Bing: Really? Okay. Great!\nMonica Geller: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship!\nChandler Bing: We're in a relationship?\nMonica Geller: I'm afraid so.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.\nRachel Green: Yeah, it's in there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Ohh! Oh!!\nChandler Bing: Joey, can I talk to you for a second?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Yes. Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: You?! And-and you?!\nMonica Geller: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!\nJoey Tribbiani: How?! When?!\nChandler Bing: It happened in London.\nJoey Tribbiani: IN LONDON!!!\nChandler Bing: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!\nMonica Geller: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but...\nMonica Geller: I know, it's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, I don't want to see that!\nPhoebe Buffay: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, \"Hi, Phoebe!\"\nMonica Geller: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.\nPhoebe Buffay: Count for what?\nMonica Geller: Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs.\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess I'm done.\nChandler Bing: Fun's over!\nMonica Geller: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!\nRachel Green: Uh-huh!\nJoey Tribbiani: I think I'm gonna take-off.\nMonica Geller: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! Ohhh!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! None of that, not while you're living under my roof!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.\nChandler Bing: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.\nMonica Geller: Sorry.\nChandler Bing: Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can hear that!\nMonica Geller: Rachel's at work.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can still hear you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hello!\nMonica Geller: Hey, what's that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eeeee-ohh!! God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Argh-argh!! Ooh, soft. Is this mink?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. That didn't happen, I made that up!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nGunther: Oh, Ross? Ross! You can't put up flyers in here.\nRoss Geller: How come? Everybody else does.\nGunther: You can't.\nMonica Geller: What is that?\nRoss Geller: Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things.\nMonica Geller: This is all of your things.\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's-Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new.\nMonica Geller: So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale.\nRoss Geller: Touched. Used. Sat on. Sleep on.\nGunther: I'll take it all.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Ross, you're okay with that?\nRoss Geller: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme?\nRoss Geller: After what I did? Can you blame her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?\nMonica Geller: Now calm down Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence...\nMonica Geller: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool.\nRachel Green: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron.\nRachel Green: I want the little round waffles.\nMonica Geller: All right. Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? I'll-I'll have toast!\nRachel Green: Arghhhh!!!!!!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Fog him! Fog him!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know what I'm gonna do about this coat.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll take it!\nPhoebe Buffay: That might work!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! Enh? All right, what do you think?\nChandler Bing: You're on in 5 Ms. Minnelli.\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter Ross?\nRoss Geller: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nRoss Geller: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! Which is great! I love to ride that rail!\nChandler Bing: So you're really okay with this?\nRoss Geller: Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time!\nChandler Bing: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? Ow!! He's not even here!!!\nRachel Green: You guys! You guys!\nMonica Geller: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!\nRachel Green: It was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something!\nMonica Geller: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, like dark hair, bushy beard?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you fogged Danny.\nRachel Green: Please! We did not fog Danny! Who's Danny?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella.\nMonica Geller: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!\nDanny: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you.\nMonica Geller: We're-we're really sorry we fogged you.\nDanny: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hi! Just so you know, we-we didn't mean to fog you, we thought you were like a yeti or something.\nDanny: Okay.\nDanny: Yesss?\nRachel Green: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nDanny: O-kay!\nMonica Geller: Wow! That guy is so rude!\nRachel Green: Really! What is with that guy? I mean you'd forgive me if I fogged you.\nMonica Geller: Well you did a little bit.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry!\nMonica Geller: I totally forgive you!\nRachel Green: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?\nMonica Geller: Crematorium Chris? Sure!\nPhoebe Buffay: He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God, look at these pelts!\nMonica Geller: Don't get too attached, she's having it cremated.\nRachel Green: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is fashion?! Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? 'Cause I do.\nRoss Geller: I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye.\nChandler Bing: Okay, what is in here? Rocks?\nRoss Geller: No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples.\nChandler Bing: So, rocks.\nRoss Geller: I'm really gonna miss this apartment. Y'know, Ben-Ben took his first steps right over there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing and it kinda knocked me out a little?\nRoss Geller: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this?\nRoss Geller: Well, I mean if uh, if Emily gave me a choice...\nJoey Tribbiani: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!\nRoss Geller: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: We all hate Emily!\nPhoebe Buffay: Nooo!!\nMonica Geller: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes! Unreasonable!\nRoss Geller: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do!\nPhoebe Buffay: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.\nMonica Geller: God, I feel so guilty about Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I kinda feel like it's my fault.\nChandler Bing: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out!\nChandler Bing: Well, I think it's very brave what you said.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, I-it's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nDanny: So you like the short hair better.\nRachel Green: What? Yeti-I mean Danny?\nDanny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.\nRachel Green: Oh. Listen, I'm so sorry. I would, I would've never fogged you if y'know if you hadn't looked so... Y'know.\nDanny: Absolutely. Some people are just into appearances.\nRachel Green: What?\nDanny: That's cool. Cool.\nRachel Green: What? Hey! No-no-no! This not cool! You don't even know me!\nDanny: Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog.\nRachel Green: So from that you think you've got me all figured out? Well, you don't! Y'know I-I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here!\nDanny: Do you?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants.\nDanny: Okay.\nRachel Green: And stop saying that! I hate that!\nDanny: Okay!\nRachel Green: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?\nDanny: The pizza-place across the street any good?\nRachel Green: What?!\nDanny: I'm hungry. Wanna get some pizza? You can keep yelling if there's more.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay.\nDanny: Stop saying that. I hate that.\nChandler Bing: Uh, Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you still mad at us?\nRoss Geller: Yep.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good! Because we have an \"I'm sorry\" song.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Ross, I feel really bad. I mean, you're going through all this stuff and I just acted like a jerk.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we are so sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're kinda stepping on the song.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, we were way out of line, we totally support you.\nMonica Geller: Whatever you decide, whatever you do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!\nRoss Geller: Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Exactly! And that's why...\nMonica Geller: Why don't you come over tonight? And I'll make you favorite dinner.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Thanks you guys. Pheebs are you wearing fur?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, let's get some perspective people; it's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know Ross, I think I kinda understand why I kinda lost it today.\nRoss Geller: You do, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone...\nRoss Geller: What are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not sure.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey, look at you! Where have you been?\nRachel Green: Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny.\nMonica Geller: How did that happen?\nRachel Green: That yeti is one smooth talker.\nMonica Geller: I hope you're not full, 'cause dinner's almost ready.\nRachel Green: Yeah, y'know I-I think I'm just gonna hang out in my room.\nEveryone: No! Why?\nRachel Green: Come on you guys! Listen, if Emily knew I was here having dinner you with you she would flip out and you know it. It's okay, I really... I don't mind.\nRoss Geller: Wait! Wait! Wait! Y'know what? Just stay. Please? It uh... It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed.\nRachel Green: Ross, I...\nJoey Tribbiani: RACHEL PLEASE!!! JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US!!!\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. Joey, it's okay. Settle down.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You see Rach I'm an actor...\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hey, look! Ugly Naked Guy's back!\nRachel Green: I haven't seen him in so long!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, I really missed that fat bastard!\nMonica Geller: Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's almost as if he knew.\nMonica Geller: I'll get it. Hello. Hi Emily! Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. She wants to say hi. Hold on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Emily!\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nEmily Waltham: Hello everyone. So who am I saying hello too?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!\nEmily Waltham: Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here!\nEmily Waltham: She's there?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, there-there she is!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, she's here.\nEmily Waltham: Ross, take me off speakerphone.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nEmily Waltham: How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear!\nRoss Geller: Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay?\nEmily Waltham: You obviously can't keep away from her.\nRoss Geller: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.\nEmily Waltham: I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time.\nRoss Geller: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me.\nEmily Waltham: You're right.\nRoss Geller: So, can you trust me?\nEmily Waltham: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think it's going okay. Looks like he's smiling.\nMonica Geller: How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head!\nJoey Tribbiani: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. Smile!\nRoss Geller: Well, I guess that's it.\nEveryone: Why, what happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: What happened? What happened?\nRoss Geller: My marriage is over.\nEveryone: What?!\nMonica Geller: Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here.\nRachel Green: Ross, honey, is there anything we can do?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. You can help me get my furniture back from Gunther.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! All right, fine, now I get it. Here. You take it. Are you happy now? I'm cold!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, look.\nChandler Bing: That's a pig.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Emily's cousin kicked me out!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nRoss Geller: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.\nChandler Bing: How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease?\nRoss Geller: Who needs a lease when it's family!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you can stay with us! We'll take care of ya!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You got it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this. All right, I'm gonna get packing again. Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: He thought you said gonad.\nHealth Inspector: Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Larry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, do health inspectors work on commission?\nLarry: No, bribes.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay to laugh right?\nLarry: Yeah, I was just kidding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nLarry: I'll check the kitchen floors.\nMonica Geller: Okay, knock yourself out, Larry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yum-my!\nMonica Geller: Larry?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah! I'd let him check out my kitchen floors.\nLarry: A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation.\nMonica Geller: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.\nLarry: And where is your hat?\nMonica Geller: It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it.\nLarry: Ahh that's the 2 points.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!\nLarry: Oh, I don't know about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda.\nLarry: Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat.\nLarry: I-I'll call ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: He's so funny!\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Mon?\nMonica Geller: Hmm?\nRachel Green: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.\nMonica Geller: He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try...\nRachel Green: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.\nMonica Geller: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.\nDanny: Two pounds of Moca Java please.\nMonica Geller: Danny. Are you guys ever gonna go out again?\nRachel Green: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.\nDanny: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi Danny! Wow! Thirsty huh?\nDanny: Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, fun!\nRachel Green: Ohh, great!\nDanny: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nDanny: Okay, see ya.\nMonica Geller: Well, I guess we won't be warming his house.\nRachel Green: Okay. All right, I see what he's doing! He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out.\nMonica Geller: And you're not gonna do that.\nRachel Green: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?\nMonica Geller: So-so there is no party.\nRachel Green: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?\nMonica Geller: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.\nRachel Green: Exactly.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Hey roomies!\nChandler Bing: Love what you've done with the place.\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don't-I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. We will, we will, call you back!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, all right!\nRoss Geller: Pretty cool, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: You're fake laughing too, right?\nChandler Bing: Oh, the tears are real.\nLarry: You look beautiful this evening.\nPhoebe Buffay: Show me the badge again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Shiny.\nLarry: Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies have been.\nPhoebe Buffay: You are just nonstop!\nLarry: We're outta here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?!\nLarry: Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down!\nPhoebe Buffay: You have the power to do that?\nLarry: This does.\nPhoebe Buffay: Shut it down.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing.\nChandler Bing: You built a fort didn't ya?\nJoey Tribbiani: Kinda.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.\nChandler Bing: I hate this thing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!\nRachel Green: Oh, hi Danny.\nDanny: Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by.\nRachel Green: Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy.\nMonica Geller: You are?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Remember I got that uh, gala.\nDanny: Yeah, what's the gala for?\nRachel Green: It's a uh, regatta gala.\nDanny: Really! You-you sail?\nRachel Green: No-no, but I support it.\nDanny: Okay, hope I see you tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nDanny: Take care.\nRachel Green: Okay. Walked right into that one didn't he?\nMonica Geller: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!\nRachel Green: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, \"No!\" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.\nMonica Geller: Great. So the ball is in his court?\nRachel Green: Ball? There is no ball.\nRoss Geller: Joey, please!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhhhhhhhhh...\nChandler Bing: Hello children!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this?\nChandler Bing: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, the quiet down thing!\nChandler Bing: You mean this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been porn?\nChandler Bing: All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no!\nJoey Tribbiani: YES!!\nRoss Geller: Uh fellas,\nChandler Bing: Okay, so he's out of here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Um-hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?!\nMonica Geller: I don't know, clean places?\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, yum!\nMonica Geller: It's Danny.\nRachel Green: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.\nMonica Geller: We'll be right there! Can't you just say it starts later?\nRachel Green: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!\nMonica Geller: The fake kind!\nDanny: Hey, hi, I need a ladle. You got a ladle?\nMonica Geller: We have a ladle.\nDanny: Thanks, see you at the party.\nMonica Geller: Okay, great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say? He would say, \"See you ladle.\"\nChandler Bing: Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross? Sports? International? Apartment listings?\nRoss Geller: I'll take sports.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mine!\nRoss Geller: All right. Uhh, international.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's mine too! I'm Italian!\nRoss Geller: Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here.\nChandler Bing: Not even on page 7?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah! You're-hey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!\nChandler Bing: What about that circled one?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio.\nJoey Tribbiani: But it's available now! Isn't it?\nChandler Bing: Yes, it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, let's go look at it!\nRoss Geller: Okay, let's go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nChandler Bing: There we go!\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.\nChandler Bing: Let's go quicker.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub.\nJoey Tribbiani: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.\nRoss Geller: I think this is it. I don't know, maybe we should keep looking.\nJoey Tribbiani: But hey, Ross, this place is available now!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's perfect!\nRoss Geller: How about you?\nChandler Bing: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.\nRoss Geller: All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application.\nChandler Bing: We are bad people.\nJoey Tribbiani: He knew we were trying to get rid of him. He knew! You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen?\nLarry: Hey, ready for dinner?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, absolutely!\nLarry: Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I love that place! So, no.\nLarry: How about Mama Lisettie's?\nPhoebe Buffay: Enh. Sure!\nLarry: I wonder how long that milk has been setting out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That-this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. Okay, let's go!\nLarry: Hey, buddy! Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit?\nGunther: But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place.\nLarry: Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?\nLarry: Well, I suppose I could give him a warning.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you. Okay, go! Go! Go! Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!\nChandler Bing: Yes that was a nice place!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: What are we gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. Maybe pizza?\nChandler Bing: About Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello! Oh yeah! It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.\nChandler Bing: Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. Well, who doesn't love dogs? Ah, he's a tap dancer! Yes, some would say that is a lost art. He's a pimp! There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! Hello?\nChandler Bing: Ohhhhh!\nRachel Green: Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there!\nMonica Geller: Just go over and say hi.\nRachel Green: No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Danny!\nDanny: Hey! What's going on?\nMonica Geller: Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. So umm, what's this?\nDanny: Salad.\nMonica Geller: Ooooh! And-and-and what-what's this?\nDanny: Bread. Aren't you a chef?\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nDanny: Hey! Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hey! Oh right, tonight was your party.\nDanny: Oh wow, you look great! Glad you could make it.\nRachel Green: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.\nDanny: Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back.\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure. All right, whose court is the ball in now?\nMonica Geller: I thought there wasn't a ball?\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!\nDanny: Rachel, this is my friend Tom. This is the girl I told you about.\nRachel Green: Oh, go on! You telling people about me?\nDanny: You two could really hit it off! I'm gonna go mingle.\nTom: So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh? My mom calls it Bloomies.\nRachel Green: Yeah, okay, at ease solider!\nTom: I'm sorry?\nRachel Green: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!\nTom: I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend.\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, \"Nice try.\"\nRachel Green: Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!\nMonica Geller: I think I need a drink.\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: 98. 99. 100. Okay, go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine!\nChandler Bing: Here we go! Here we go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're kidding!\nChandler Bing: You're kidding, no!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies!\nRoss Geller: Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Are you guys sure about this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Definitely!\nChandler Bing: Yes! Ross, you have to stay!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nChandler Bing: All right, buddy!\nRoss Geller: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just .\nChandler Bing: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?\nRoss Geller: Come on, it's fun!\nChandler Bing: All right! Isn't this a woman's hat?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.\nRoss Geller: I couldn't possibly eat another bite.\nJoey Tribbiani: I need something sweet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Does anyone wanna watch TV?\nEveryone: Yeah, sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica your remote doesn't work.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Aw, forget it.\nRachel Green: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.\nMonica Geller: That's very nice.\nChandler Bing: That's sweet, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?\nChandler Bing: Are you aware that you're still talking?\nMonica Geller: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?\nRoss Geller: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?\nRoss Geller: Oh God, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!\nChandler Bing: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.\nNora Tyler Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.\nThe Housekeeper: More turkey Mr. Chandler?\nRoss Geller: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.\nChandler Bing: Really? Worse than, \"More turkey Mr. Chandler?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!\nPhoebe Buffay: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying- Oh no.\nRoss Geller: In this life, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories.\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.\nRachel Green: I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.\nMonica Geller: Oh, let's not tell this story.\nEveryone: Oh, come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!\nRachel Green: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's not like it sounds.\nChandler Bing: It's exactly like it sounds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey? What's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! It's stuck!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Easy. Step. How did it get on?\nJoey Tribbiani: I put it on to scare Chandler!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! Who is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Joey.\nMonica Geller: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.\nMonica Geller: Well, get it off now!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't! It-it's stuck!\nMonica Geller: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. Joey? Now is not the time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry! Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!\nChandler Bing: Arghhhhhh!!\nJoey Tribbiani: It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!\nChandler Bing: I'm over here big guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you are! I scared you!\nChandler Bing: You did look like an idiot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, \"Butternut squash?\" And it came out, \"Squatternut buash?\"\nRoss Geller: Yeah that's the same.\nMonica Geller: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?\nEveryone: Which one?\nMonica Geller: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.\nMonica Geller: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!\nJudy Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here!\nMonica Geller: I'll get it! Happy Thanksgiving!\nRachel Green: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!\nMonica Geller: Oh, why? Why? What happened?\nRachel Green: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over...\nMonica Geller: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.\nRachel Green: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! Hi!\nJack Geller: Hi Rachel!\nRachel Green: Happy Thanksgiving!\nJudy Geller: You too sweethart!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJack Geller: Oh my!\nRoss Geller: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!\nMonica Geller: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Oh, this is Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJudy Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.\nRoss Geller: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.\nJudy Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.\nMonica Geller: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.\nChandler Bing: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.\nMonica Geller: dammit!\nRoss Geller: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.\nRachel Green: Oh! No, not really.\nRoss Geller: Well, that's cool. So did...\nRachel Green: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!\nMonica Geller: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.\nRachel Green: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!\nRoss Geller: Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for.\nMonica Geller: Call them mom and dad you loser!\nRoss Geller: Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nRachel Green: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!\nMonica Geller: Oh that's so great!\nRachel Green: I know!\nMonica Geller: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.\nRachel Green: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.\nMonica Geller: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!\nRachel Green: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!\nRoss Geller: So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week.\nChandler Bing: Emotional Knapsack?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.\nRoss Geller: Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night.\nChandler Bing: Dude, don't do that too me!\nRoss Geller: All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.\nChandler Bing: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJudy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.\nMonica Geller: No. No, thank you!\nJack Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!\nChandler Bing: I called you fat?! I don't even remember that!\nMonica Geller: Well, I do.\nChandler Bing: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.\nChandler Bing: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.\nRachel Green: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.\nMonica Geller: Yes, it was!\nRachel Green: No, it wasn't. It was actually the...\nMonica Geller: Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!\nChandler Bing: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.\nJudy Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.\nJack Geller: Hi Rachel.\nRachel Green: Oh hi!\nJack Geller: Wow, love your new nose!\nJudy Geller: Jack.\nJack Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see?\nJudy Geller: I'll get it.\nRachel Green: No, God! Please, let me!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey. Happy Thanksgiving!\nJack Geller: God, your hair sure is different!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look.\nRoss Geller: So uh, where's Monica?\nJudy Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress?\nChandler Bing: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!\nRoss Geller: Dude!\nChandler Bing: Sorry!\nJudy Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.\nRoss Geller: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!\nMonica Geller: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.\nJack Geller: Dude!\nChandler Bing: Sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great!\nMonica Geller: Well it didn't!\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!\nRachel Green: Okay, that we may be able to do.\nMonica Geller: How?\nRachel Green: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.\nMonica Geller: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!\nRachel Green: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!\nRachel Green: Then, you will definitely get him back!\nMonica Geller: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?\nRachel Green: Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on.\nMonica Geller: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.\nMonica Geller: I can do that!\nRachel Green: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. Hey, what's up?\nChandler Bing: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.\nMonica Geller: Umm, I'd love too! Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, my body.\nChandler Bing: Are you all right?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that-\nThe Doctor: What do we got here?\nThe Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.\nRoss Geller: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!\nThe Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.\nJack Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.\nThe Doctor: Did you bring the toe?\nMonica Geller: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice!\nThe Doctor: Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and-\nMonica Geller: What?! What is it?\nThe Doctor: You brought a carrot.\nChandler Bing: What?\nThe Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.\nRachel Green: You brought a carrot?!\nJudy Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.\nMonica Geller: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!\nThe Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.\nChandler Bing: Without my toe?! I need my toe!\nMonica Geller: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!\nJack Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!\nChandler Bing: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!\nMonica Geller: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.\nChandler Bing: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nRoss Geller: Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a dork.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe this.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, I said I was sorry.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.\nMonica Geller: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while.\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, \"Quack, quack!\" I'm happy all the time!\nChandler Bing: Nice try.\nMonica Geller: Wait, wait, wait!\nChandler Bing: Look, Monica...\nMonica Geller: Look!\nChandler Bing: This is not going to work.\nMonica Geller: I bet this will work!\nChandler Bing: You are so great! I love you!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing! I said, I said \"You're so great\" and then I just, I just stopped talking!\nMonica Geller: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!\nChandler Bing: No I didn't!\nMonica Geller: Yes, you did!\nChandler Bing: No I didn't!\nMonica Geller: You love me!\nChandler Bing: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! Whew! This is getting ridiculous uh!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: What am I sitting on?\nChandler Bing: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? I'm out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ew-eww!! Undies!\nRachel Green: All right! Who's are they? Who's are they?\nRoss Geller: Well, they're not mine!\nChandler Bing: Well, they're Joey's! They gotta be Joey's!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they're mine.\nChandler Bing: See? They're Joey's! J-J-J-J-J-Joey's!\nRoss Geller: Why are they here?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know uhh... Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.\nRachel Green: Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you?\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Take 'em! Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler? A word.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! Ahh! And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?\nMonica Geller: Thank you Joey, thank you so much!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and\nMonica Geller: Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it was! All right, listen, I can't...\nChandler Bing: All this lying has been hard on us too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier!\nChandler Bing: Well, yeah actually.\nMonica Geller: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.\nChandler Bing: I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships.\nMonica Geller: We are! Help us!\nChandler Bing: Help!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! But, you do it with me once.\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Didn't think so.\nMonica Geller: Hey, Phoebe!\nChandler Bing: Hi, Pheebs!\nRachel Green: Hey, Pheebs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs!\nRachel Green: What are you reading?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.\nRachel Green: Honey that sounds like fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay-ooh, but are you going to have time to read it?\nRachel Green: Oh, I read that in high school.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is going to be so much fun! Okay-shhh, I have to finish.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's wrong buddy?\nRoss Geller: Someone at work ate my sandwich!\nChandler Bing: Well, what did the police say?\nRoss Geller: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it!\nChandler Bing: Ross, it's just a sandwich!\nRoss Geller: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!\nMonica Geller: Okay, look, I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich, I mean I was going to eat it myself, but\nRoss Geller: That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything.\nChandler Bing: Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.\nRoss Geller: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, \"Keep your mitts off my grub?\"\nChandler Bing: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff.\nEveryone: Whoa! Ohh!!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you are a bad ass!\nPhoebe Buffay: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he stabbed me first!!\nRachel Green: Sorry I'm late, but I left late.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: So Pheebs, what is the book about?\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought you said you read it in high school.\nRachel Green: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anyway-umm, what is this book about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.\nThe Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here , Rachel Green?\nRachel Green: Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story.\nThe Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?\nRachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.\nThe Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here...\nPhoebe Buffay: You completely stole my answer!\nRachel Green: Well, honey that was pretty obvious.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well how would you know?! You didn't even read it!\nThe Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers.\nThe Teacher: Would ya care to venture one?\nPhoebe Buffay: Would you care to venture one?\nThe Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?\nThe Teacher: All right, let's move on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay then.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!\nRachel Green: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.\nRoss Geller: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!\nCynthia: God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you uh, still wondering?\nCynthia: No, we just went out.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're smart. I like that.\nCynthia: Oh, candles! What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no-no, wait-wait-wait!!\nCynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hiya.\nRachel Green: Joey, is what she just said umm-Oh my God. You were actually gonna...\nChandler Bing: What is going on here?\nRachel Green: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!\nMonica Geller: We're so sorry.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!\nChandler Bing: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your adult film class.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?\nChandler Bing: Oh-I don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!\nMonica Geller: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!\nDr. Ledbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, of course, Donald.\nDr. Ledbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nDr. Ledbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nDr. Ledbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.\nRoss Geller: Oh no, you-you don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Umm, this is all because of a sandwich.\nDr. Ledbetter: A sandwich?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here...\nDr. Ledbetter: Oh, you know what?\nRoss Geller: What?\nDr. Ledbetter: I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that.\nRoss Geller: You ate my sandwich?\nDr. Ledbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?\nDr. Ledbetter: No.\nRoss Geller: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?\nDr. Ledbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.\nRoss Geller: That said it was my sandwich?!\nDr. Ledbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.\nRoss Geller: What?\nDr. Ledbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.\nRoss Geller: You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away!\nRoss Geller: MY SANDWICH?!!!\nRoss Geller: MY SANDWICH!!!!!!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRachel Green: So umm, what's this book about?\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't read this one either?!\nRachel Green: Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! You should've read it yourself!\nRachel Green: Come on Phoebe! Don't be such a goodie-goodie!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.\nRachel Green: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.\nThe Teacher: Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.\nThe Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.\nRachel Green: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.\nThe Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview.\nChandler Bing: You're naked in this picture!\nMonica Geller: I know.\nChandler Bing: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Hey Chandler. Monica!\nMonica Geller: Ross, are you okay?\nRoss Geller: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.\nMonica Geller: Why?!\nRoss Geller: On account of my rage.\nChandler Bing: Which I may say, right now, is out of control.\nRoss Geller: He gave me a pill for it.\nMonica Geller: A pill?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work?\nChandler Bing: And you're okay with that?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich.\nRachel Green: Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop.\nRachel Green: That was not funny!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.\nRachel Green: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?\nMonica Geller: I know! I know! I know!\nThe Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! That's Monica!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!\nRachel Green: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nRachel Green: Joey has got a secret peephole!\nChandler Bing: Oh no! No! No! No!\nRachel Green: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!\nRachel Green: Look!\nRoss Geller: Dude! That's my sister!\nMonica Geller: Give me that!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just... I just... Kinda...\nChandler Bing: All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you!\nChandler Bing: Joey's a sex addict.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!! No I'm not!!\nMonica Geller: It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! I am not a sex addict!\nMonica Geller: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!\nRachel Green: Well, what is the truth?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: What's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: I slept with Monica.\nChandler Bing: Well let's...let's see what everybody thinks of that?\nMonica Geller: Oh no!\nRoss Geller: You slept with my sister?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.\nRoss Geller: This is not good for my rage.\nRachel Green: Monica, is this true?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?\nMonica Geller: Yes it's true.\nRachel Green: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh-oy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?\nMonica Geller: I guess I wanted to keep it as a souvenir.\nRoss Geller: My God Monica!!\nChandler Bing: Are you sure Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!\nPhoebe Buffay: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.\nJoey Tribbiani: That makes sense!\nRachel Green: And the video camera?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, Monica?\nMonica Geller: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: But sadly I could not be enticed.\nRoss Geller: Unbelievable! I mean you really kept Joey's underwear?! Why? Why would you do that?!\nMonica Geller: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs.\nPhoebe Buffay: I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off.\nA Female Student: Yeah, what's up with that girl Monica?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know! I didn't come with her!\nMonica Geller: All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!\nEveryone: A test?!!\nMonica Geller: Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! We should have essay questions!!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: What are you doing?\nRoss Geller: I...Reorganized The Fridge. See, Bottom Shelf: Meats And Dairy. And Top Shelf expired products.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why are you doing this?\nRoss Geller: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I've already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You've got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven't you ever been unemployed?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, don't get religious on me, ok. A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here...sit down. Ready? Ahh!! Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!\nRoss Geller: So what, we just sit?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. Shhh.\nChandler Bing: Hello, Chandler Bing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.\nChandler Bing: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! It's been six months! It's not funny!\nJoey Tribbiani: But, I love you.\nChandler Bing: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: And that's Wednesday. Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, guess what?\nChandler Bing: The British are coming?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, you and your ways. Since it's Christmastime. I'm going to be one of those people collection donations.\nEveryone: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I already have my bell and later on...I get my bucket.\nChandler Bing: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, I'm going to do the whole city.\nMonica Geller: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular.\nJoey Tribbiani: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but I'm the only one who can sing \"Merry Christmas\" in 25 languages. I lied.\nRachel Green: Oh my god. Ok you guys, there's Danny. Watch. Just watch this. See?! Still pretending he's not interested. Ohh, he's coming over. Just pretend like we don't know him. We've forgotten who he is.\nDanny: Hey guys.\nEveryone: Hey Danny.\nMonica Geller: Danny? You know Rachel? She's nice. She's not bad to look at, right?\nRachel Green: Thanks, Mon.\nDanny: Well, of course.\nMonica Geller: Do you want to go out on a date with her?\nRachel Green: Monica!!!\nDanny: Absolutely! Is Friday okay?\nMonica Geller: Friday's perfect...She can't wait.\nDanny: On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? See ya Friday.\nRachel Green: Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don't answer me. I have a date with Danny.\nJoey Tribbiani: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.\nEstelle Leonard: Well, Telia Shire suddenly became available.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's a woman!\nEstelle Leonard: What can I say? She nailed it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, is there anything else?\nEstelle Leonard: Well, you're just going to say no again but...gay porn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: I just wanted to see how it's going.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's going okay.\nMonica Geller: Well good, here let me help you out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thanks!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I guess.\nPhoebe Buffay: Just get your nails done?\nMonica Geller: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you! And Happy Holidays.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, you can't take the money out.\nThe Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.\nThe Man: I'm poor! I gotta take the bus!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Seasons Greetings and everything, but still...\nThe Man: Bite me, blondie!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just...\nJoey Tribbiani: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a second, I could star in it!\nRoss Geller: Or that.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.\nRoss Geller: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks!\nRoss Geller: All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.\nJoey Tribbiani: Done!\nRoss Geller: And it can't be Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not.\nRoss Geller: Or Joseph.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Hey, what's up?\nRachel Green: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!!\nMonica Geller: You had no relationship!!\nRachel Green: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!\nMonica Geller: Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl.\nRachel Green: She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan.\nMonica Geller: Come on, hurry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how do you spell suspicious?\nChandler Bing: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're driving me crazy with that!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'll stop.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.\nChandler Bing: You wanna play?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.\nChandler Bing: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?\nChandler Bing: I'm intrigued.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts.\nChandler Bing: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh yeah, right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you, Happy Holidays.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't... Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!! The charity's on fire! Help! Oh good! Thank you, I need that. Whoa! What is that?! It's nine o'clock in the morning!\nRoss Geller: All right. A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. That's it? Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! And what is, and what is all this?! The official rulebook of Fireball.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluid-Op! Op!\nRoss Geller: This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.\nRoss Geller: And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. Now come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! Ahh!\nDanny: I had a really nice time tonight.\nRachel Green: So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out.\nDanny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.\nRachel Green: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!\nDanny's Sister: Oh, I thought I heard you.\nDanny: Oh hey, great, you're up. Rachel, this is my sister Krista. Krista, this is Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nKrista: Nice to meet you. I wish you'd told me we were having company, I'd fix myself up!\nDanny: Like it would help.\nKrista: You are so bad!\nDanny: You are!\nKrista: You are!\nDanny: You are!\nKrista: You are!\nDanny: You are!\nKrista: You are!\nDanny: You are so dead! I'm gonna get you.\nRachel Green: Uh, it was very nice meeting you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?\nMonica Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Does it look like an ashtray?\nMonica Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Does it look like a urinal?\nMonica Geller: Eww!!\nRoss Geller: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something?\nRachel Green: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, yeah.\nMonica Geller: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.\nRoss Geller: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds.\nMonica Geller: Still, I was quick as a cat.\nRachel Green: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're kidding.\nRachel Green: Yeah, they were very y'know...wrestley. But, I guess that's normal?\nMonica Geller: We don't, we don't wrestle now.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, not since I got too strong for you.\nMonica Geller: Too strong for me?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go?\nRoss Geller: Oh fine.\nMonica Geller: Ready? Wrestle!\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks.\nChandler Bing: Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!\nRoss Geller: Joey's not going.\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't finish my five pages.\nChandler Bing: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow?\nRoss Geller: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.\nChandler Bing: Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.\nRoss Geller: I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.\nChandler Bing: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.\nRoss Geller: I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on look guys, don't fight.\nRoss Geller: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?\nRoss Geller: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!\nRoss Geller: How about we settle this right now! There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!\nChandler Bing: I paid for those tickets!\nRoss Geller: No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah!\nDanny: ...so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here forgets the camera!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.\nChandler Bing: When did that happen to you?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture-I didn't have my camera!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.\nKrista: Oh, this is so good you have got to try it.\nDanny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants.\nKrista: Here, I'll get it.\nKrista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set.\nDanny: Yep. I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight.\nRachel Green: Oh, great!\nChandler Bing: Okay, bye! Oh my God!!\nMonica Geller: That was unbelievable!\nRachel Green: Okay, see? I told you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.\nChandler Bing: I don't believe they're brother and sister.\nJoey Tribbiani: They're brother and sister!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! Hi Bob! I thought I told you to get outta here!\nBob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nBob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner.\nPhoebe Buffay: That chick can't handle my corner.\nBob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine. All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch.\nDanny: Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven?\nRachel Green: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.\nDanny: What?! Why?!\nRachel Green: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and...\nDanny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?\nRachel Green: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's...\nDanny: Do-do you, do you have brothers?\nRachel Green: No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy.\nDanny: Are you close with them?\nRachel Green: No-no, they're not very nice people.\nDanny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?\nRachel Green: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of...\nKrista: Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!\nDanny: What?\nRachel Green: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later.\nChandler Bing: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?\nRoss Geller: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!\nRoss Geller: Yay!\nChandler Bing: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! Last night!\nJoey Tribbiani: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!\nRoss Geller: I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh?\nChandler Bing: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?\nChandler Bing: All right.\nRoss Geller: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. \"It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out.\" Ross\nRoss Geller: Hey man.\nChandler Bing: What is up?\nRoss Geller: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry.\nChandler Bing: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.\nRoss Geller: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest... But we had our best friend's interest at heart.\nChandler Bing: Could I be more sorry.\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. All right Joey, we get it. I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.\nRoss Geller: I am sorry, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I am sorry, Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: A handsome man enters. Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you well you co-created Fireball. The end.\nChandler Bing: This took you all day?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. Ha-ha!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.\nMonica Geller: Hi, how are you doing Kelly?\nRachel Green: I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great!\nMonica Geller: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!\nMonica Geller: This is disgusting!\nRachel Green: I'm not reading this!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!"}
{"text": "Jay Leno: Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!\nChandler Bing: We're very happy for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter?!\nChandler Bing: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know...\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'll take care of it.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, wait! Joey!\nRoss Geller: 73! 72! 71!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.\nRoss Geller: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Awww, man! Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?\nRoss Geller: That's a good point.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, great!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.\nRachel Green: So?\nJoey Tribbiani: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?\nRachel Green: Oh, good point.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nEveryone: 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!\nChandler Bing: Happy New Year!\nMonica Geller: Happy New Year.\nRoss Geller: Happy New Year, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: You too!\nRachel Green: Happy New Year, Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: So did that do anything for ya?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!\nRachel Green: But your divorce isn't even final yet.\nRoss Geller: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.\nChandler Bing: Do you want us to leave the room, or?\nRoss Geller: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.\nChandler Bing: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.\nMonica Geller: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.\nRoss Geller: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.\nChandler Bing: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the \"new thing you do that day!\" And it starts right now!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! How come?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? Who-who have you taught?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I taught me and I love me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!\nRachel Green: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.\nRachel Green: I don't gossip!\nRachel Green: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?\nMonica Geller: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.\nRachel Green: What? They were like this!\nWoman: I'll see you tomorrow.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Hey!\nRoss Geller: I just asked that girl out.\nChandler Bing: Nice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?\nRoss Geller: Yes it is. See.\nChandler Bing: Elizabeth Hornswoggle?\nRoss Geller: That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.\nChandler Bing: Horn-swoggle.\nJoey Tribbiani: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?\nChandler Bing: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet!\nRoss Geller: Hi, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hornswoggle? Ooh, this must be killing you.\nRoss Geller: All right, see you later.\nJoey Tribbiani: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, then you learn here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Lesson One: Chords. Now, I Don'T Know The Actual Names Of The Chords But Umm, I-I-I Made Up Names For The Way My Hand Looks While I'M Doing Them. So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady.\nChandler Bing: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.\nRachel Green: I didn't! Even when I found out...umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and...\nPhoebe Buffay: Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Give me your hands. Strings. Gimme it! Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then don't touch one!!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nBen Geller: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi Ben!\nBen Geller: Auntie Monica!!\nChandler Bing: Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? Someone comment on the pants!\nRachel Green: I think they're very nice.\nMonica Geller: I like 'em.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I like them a lot.\nChandler Bing: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. Maybe there's something in that area.\nRoss Geller: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, \"Wow, I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before.\"\nChandler Bing: Oh come on!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, seriously, what do you think?\nJoey Tribbiani: You look like a freak.\nRachel Green: Awful, absolutely awful.\nRoss Geller: What are you, what are you doing?\nMonica Geller: It's my New Year's resolution!\nRoss Geller: What, to blind my child?\nMonica Geller: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well.\nRoss Geller: My God! These pants are burning up! Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! Are you hot?\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: No.\nRoss Geller: Okay, it must just be me then.\nRoss Geller: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: No, go ahead.\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: Hey, my favorite part is coming up!\nRoss Geller: 'Kay!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Tiger! Dragon! Iceberg!! Joseph, did you even study at all last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes, I did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then do Iceberg!\nJoey Tribbiani: G-sharp.\nPhoebe Buffay: G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? Have you? Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! I didn't touch a guitar!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but you're questioning my method!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! What?!\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Your other student, was you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!\nRachel Green: \"Baddest man in the whole damn town.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, fine! Take his side!\nMonica Geller: I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.\nChandler Bing: Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname?\nMonica Geller: Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...\nRachel Green: Arghh!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nRoss Geller: Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, Chandler's not here.\nRoss Geller: Well, you can help me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom...\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice!\nRoss Geller: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?\nRoss Geller: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, okay, hold on! They're not coming on man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, do you see any-oh, Vaseline?\nRoss Geller: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.\nRoss Geller: Hold on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross? You okay?\nRoss Geller: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?\nRoss Geller: What difference does that make?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm just-if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!\nRachel Green: Joey, do you have a minute?\nRoss Geller: Dude, what am I gonna...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out.\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what is it, what is it?\nRachel Green: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!\nRachel Green: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!\nRachel Green: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?\nJoey Tribbiani: And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!\nRachel Green: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not listening to you!\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.\nRoss Geller: All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: No, let's just leave the lights on.\nElizabeth Hornswoggle: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: I had a problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. You really think I'm ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Cool!\nJoey Tribbiani: Was the chord at least right...\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.\nRoss Geller: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!\nEveryone: No. No, you're not a loser.\nRoss Geller: Look at me!\nMonica Geller: Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!\nRoss Geller: Oh, be-because of the leather pants.\nMonica Geller: See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: That really is something; that's really cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: Howdy partner!\nRoss Geller: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. I would make a good cowboy.\nMonica Geller: Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. Yep.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.\nRachel Green: Good luck, honey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!\nRachel Green: Hey, uh, Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm?\nRachel Green: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no!\nRachel Green: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!\nRachel Green: Yeah. Well. Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Now? You want me to go over there now?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you know something?\nRachel Green: Do you know something?\nJoey Tribbiani: I might know something.\nRachel Green: I might know something too.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the thing you know?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't tell you what I know.\nRachel Green: Well then I can't tell you what I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't know!\nRachel Green: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: YOU KNOW!!!!\nRachel Green: AND YOU KNOW!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know!!!!\nRachel Green: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?\nJoey Tribbiani: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.\nRachel Green: Ohhh, yeah, me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's weird. I bet they're doing it.\nChandler Bing: Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Come on Joey!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.\nRachel Green: I can't believe you would say that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.\nRachel Green: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! Fine I want-I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nRachel Green: Is he romantic with her?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nRachel Green: Are they in love?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nRachel Green: You don't know anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, I know one thing!\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: They did it right there on the couch.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey-yeah. Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!\nEveryone: What? Oh!\nChandler Bing: Sorry man.\nGunther: Here's your scone.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks Gunther. STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I don't think anyone's mad about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Exactly! Because it's in the past!\nJoey Tribbiani: Anybody gonna eat that?\nMonica Geller: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?\nChandler Bing: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.\nMonica Geller: I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a real couple. We don't have to hide.\nChandler Bing: I know, I can do this.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, and I can do this.\nBoth: We can't do that.\nDoug: Hey Bing! Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?\nChandler Bing: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, this is Monica. This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi, nice to meet you!\nDoug: Hi! And this is my wife Kara.\nKara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing!\nDoug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?\nChandler Bing: No, sir.\nDoug: Yeah, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.\nDoug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight.\nMonica Geller: What was that?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: That noise you just made?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that was my work laugh.\nMonica Geller: Really? Your work laugh?\nChandler Bing: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.\nMonica Geller: All right, check me out.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nDoug: ...says $30 Father; same as in town.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I thought you already had one.\nChandler Bing: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at...bigger rocks. Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?\nRachel Green: Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.\nChandler Bing: Okay, good luck with that.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: What's up?!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.\nRachel Green: Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you?\nMonica Geller: Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good.\nRachel Green: Oh y'know what, we don't have to talk about work. We can talk about anything!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Umm...\nRachel Green: Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships!\nMonica Geller: Okay, what's going on with you?\nRachel Green: Nothing! You go!\nMonica Geller: Well, I-I-there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.\nRachel Green: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-if-are you sure there's just not anything else?\nMonica Geller: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?\nRachel Green: No! If there was I wouldn't tell you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, then what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You'll get your turn!\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing! This is not over!\nRoss Geller: No! No! No!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in... Actually, thanks!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?\nRoss Geller: Uh actually, I think I'm gonna skip it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.\nRoss Geller: That's okay, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, let's go Pheebs.\nRoss Geller: Oh God!\nDoug: Bing!\nKara: Oww!!\nMonica Geller: Game!\nDoug: Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. Are you all right sweethart?\nKara: I'm not all right.\nDoug: We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water.\nMonica Geller: Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!\nChandler Bing: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.\nChandler Bing: Let them win one.\nMonica Geller: Are you crazy?! We own those two! I mean look at 'um, he can't breath and she's popping pills.\nChandler Bing: You're not even giving them a chance!\nMonica Geller: They have racquets don't they?!\nDoug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.\nChandler Bing: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? Please let them win!\nMonica Geller: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.\nChandler Bing: Oopsey, missed it!\nMonica Geller: I got it!\nDoug: Nice shot.\nMonica Geller: I got it!!\nChandler Bing: Long!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you let them win!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it.\nMonica Geller: I was frustrated.\nChandler Bing: It was my racquet.\nMonica Geller: I was frustrated with you!\nChandler Bing: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what really bothers me? Is-it's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the \"I'll see you around, Bing!\" \"Not if I see you first, Doug!\" I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.\nChandler Bing: Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.\nMonica Geller: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe we should check the trash chute.\nRachel Green: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: There he is!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?!!\nRoss Geller: Just, y'know out.\nRachel Green: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!\nPhoebe Buffay: What were you doing?\nRoss Geller: I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.\nRachel Green: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?\nJoey Tribbiani: He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!\nJoey Tribbiani: He hooked up!! Tell us about her!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ross you left you scarf in... Hey you guys.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!\nRachel Green: Yeah! No that's what I was thinking.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, nobody's judging you.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Okay! You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me!\nRoss Geller: Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say...\nPhoebe Buffay: You two will have very hairy children.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I didn't know you would say that.\nRachel Green: Ross! Janice?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.\nRoss Geller: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.\nPhoebe Buffay: So are you actually gonna see her again?\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!\nRoss Geller: I am gonna see her again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit Phoebe!!\nRachel Green: Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go!\nMonica Geller: My turn? What-what are you talking about?\nRachel Green: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, \"I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours.\" And he said, \"Laundry? Is that my new nickname?\" And you said, \"No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big.\"\nMonica Geller: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.\nRachel Green: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.\nMonica Geller: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big...ot.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.\nRachel Green: All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Me and Chandler?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off!\nPhoebe Buffay: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!\nJoey Tribbiani: Judge rules, no violation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you serious?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We...\nJoey Tribbiani: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!\nJoey Tribbiani: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, tough call.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nDoug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill.\nKara: So how do you kids like your coffee?\nMonica Geller: Oh, none for me. Thanks.\nChandler Bing: Just a little bit of sugar.\nDoug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh?\nMonica Geller: How does that laugh not give you a headache?\nChandler Bing: Oh, you get used to it.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.\nChandler Bing: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?\nMonica Geller: I'd rather hang out with a sniveling work weasel guy when I can be hanging out with my boyfriend who I actually respect.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nDoug: Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. Did you hear what I said Bing?\nChandler Bing: What?\nDoug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?\nChandler Bing: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.\nDoug: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: Well, I just...\nMonica Geller: Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was weak physically. You get it now honey?\nChandler Bing: I think I do! Thank you, Monica.\nMonica Geller: I thought you could use the help.\nChandler Bing: Coffee in a fight!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?\nRachel Green: Sure! Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.\nRachel Green: What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right now!\nChandler Bing: All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!\nMonica Geller: Sorry! I'm just-I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel!\nChandler Bing: But we're not ready to tell yet!\nMonica Geller: I know! It's just that...ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.\nMonica Geller: Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hi!\nMonica Geller: Wh-wh-what are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Well, I was actually-I-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.\nMonica Geller: Okay great!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!\nRachel Green: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.\nMonica Geller: Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.\nRachel Green: That's good enough. Right? Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my books!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'll get back to my new job.\nRachel Green: 'Kay. Congratulations on your new job.\nChandler Bing: Man, she is really gullible.\nGunther: Here you go.\nRoss Geller: Thanks!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Actually, I should get going.\nRoss Geller: Are you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on sabbatical from work, right?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yes! Yes! You did!\nRoss Geller: Oh...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What is wrong now?!\nRoss Geller: This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my marriage falls apart and then...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee-ahh!! Ross, we need to talk.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Sometimes I feel...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!\nRoss Geller: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well yeah!!\nRoss Geller: OH...MY...GOD!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Are you gonna be okay?\nRoss Geller: I am now.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, hi.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey.\nRoss Geller: Dude, we got to talk.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. What you're-you're not mad?\nChandler Bing: Why would I be mad?\nRoss Geller: Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.\nChandler Bing: I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nChandler Bing: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it down-let's write it down!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! So good for Monica!\nChandler Bing: Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn!\nMonica Geller: That was a half an hour?\nChandler Bing: It's your timer.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages!\nChandler Bing: All right, then massage me up right nice!\nChandler Bing: Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!!\nMonica Geller: It's so good, isn't it?\nChandler Bing: It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it!\nMonica Geller: Say good-bye to sore muscles!\nChandler Bing: Good-bye muscles!!\nChandler Bing: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just-I didn't know what it was!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.\nChandler Bing: Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat!\nRoss Geller: Sorry.\nChandler Bing: And the bunny got away.\nRoss Geller: This would be the place where you explain the hat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.\nChandler Bing: And you're gonna make them all disappear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, like you could find something as sophisticated as this.\nChandler Bing: Done.\nRachel Green: Joey, if you wanna look good, why don't you just come down to the store? I'll help you out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Thanks, Rach!\nRachel Green: Sure! God, please take those off!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, how's it going?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: Is everything okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you all right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, no-no-no. I'm fine. I'm okay, but umm, my Grandma sorta died.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! Sorry!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.\nRachel Green: Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse!\nMonica Geller: Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside.\nRoss Geller: Uhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died.\nMonica Geller: Ohh my God, I'm so sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins.\nMonica Geller: Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, I'm so sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; \"Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter.\" And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.\nRachel Green: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then.\nRachel Green: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? A purse?\nRachel Green: It's not a purse! It's a shoulder bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: It looks like a women's purse.\nRachel Green: No Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are wearing them in the spring catalog. Look. See look, men, carrying the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: See look, women, carrying the bag. But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.\nRachel Green: Exactly! Unisex!\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.\nRachel Green: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.\nUrsula Buffay: Who is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Phoebe.\nUrsula Buffay: Oh great! Oh, you. Umm, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, well I sorta have some bad news, can I come in?\nUrsula Buffay: Umm, yeah-no thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, well, umm Grandma died.\nUrsula Buffay: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, she just died today! Okay, umm, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.\nUrsula Buffay: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.\nPhoebe Buffay: No you didn't!\nUrsula Buffay: Well, then who's been dead for five years?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, lots of people! Look, are you coming to memorial service or not?\nUrsula Buffay: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So... I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert.\nUrsula Buffay: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!\nRoss Geller: Your make-up!\nRachel Green: Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.\nRachel Green: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would I return it? I love this bag!\nRachel Green: All right, then you owe me $350.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard?\nRachel Green: Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you.\nRoss Geller: What's the part, Anti-man?\nRachel Green: Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.\nJoey Tribbiani: U-N-I-sexy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.\nRachel Green: Hi sweetie!\nRoss Geller: Hey, how are you holding up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, I'm so sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, y'know what? My Grandma had the exact same bag!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here, I brought you some flowers.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks!\nChandler Bing: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.\nMan: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, welcome.\nMan: Hello. Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm here's your 3-D glasses.\nMan: Oh, umm, all right.\nPhoebe Buffay: So how did you know Francis?\nMan: Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! What's your name?\nMan: Umm, Frank Buffay.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Y'know what? Strike that. My name uh, actually is-is Joe. Uh, Joe umm, Hill.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're Frank Buffay?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Shh! No! Joe Hill!\nPhoebe Buffay: You just said...\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming.\nPhoebe Buffay: But...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: What?! What honey?\nRoss Geller: What happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: That was my dad!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. It's like it's coming right at me.\nMonica Geller: Oh, did you catch him?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: Wh-what did he say?!\nPhoebe Buffay: He said, \"Nice to meet you Glenda.\" Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?\nRachel Green: Why?! Why not?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned!\nJoey Tribbiani: What did you say to him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.\nThe Pastor: Could everyone please take their seats?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: All right, let's go say good-bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?\nRachel Green: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.\nChandler Bing: And a date with a man!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, comes with a bag!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad.\nRachel Green: Ooh, Pheebs, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell him who you are?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, no, not at first 'cause I-I don't want to freak him out\nRoss Geller: Well, but aren't you pissed at him?! I mean this guy abandoned you! I gotta tell you if this were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger! I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like, \"Yo, dad! You and me outside right now!\" I kinda scared myself.\nMonica Geller: Well, at least you scared someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!\nMonica Geller: I give good massages! I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch!\nPhoebe Buffay: He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!\nMonica Geller: No he's not!\nChandler Bing: Yes, he is!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry but, ow-owww-owww!\nMonica Geller: You've been lying to me? I can't believe you'd do that.\nRoss Geller: Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.\nMonica Geller: But the minute we start to lie to each other... And by 'we' I mean society.\nThe Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you must be new here. Why don't we get a table and I'll buy you a drink.\nThe Casting Director: I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure. Well, you must be new here. Maybe we should-I'm sorry, can I ask you something?\nThe Casting Director: Sure. What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, first it's not a purse.\nThe Casting Director: Okay, anytime.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean if-if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not. It's a man's bag!\nThe Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right look, let me show you the catalog! See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!\nThe Casting Director: Umm, do you sell these bags?\nJoey Tribbiani: Noooo. No-no-no, these babies sell themselves.\nThe Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah but I didn't read anything.\nThe Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! All right, I'll see ya. We got it! We got it!\nChandler Bing: Hey, is Rachel here?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.\nMonica Geller: Oh, please, stop! Look, we're supposed to be honest with each other. I-I just wish you could tell me-just say, \"I don't like your massages.\"\nChandler Bing: I don't like your massages.\nMonica Geller: See? It's no big deal.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but now see you're crying!\nMonica Geller: I'm not crying about that! I'm crying about something that happened at work.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.\nChandler Bing: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You don't know me at all!\nChandler Bing: Okay, you give the worst massages in the world.\nMonica Geller: I'm crying here!!\nChandler Bing: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, \"Who's the best of that?\" They'd have to go to you.\nMonica Geller: Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?\nChandler Bing: Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!\nMonica Geller: So maybe they could umm, call the award the Monica?\nChandler Bing: Absolutely!\nMonica Geller: Okay. I suck!\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, thank you for meeting with me.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Thank you. All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come, sit. Sit. Sit! Umm, all righty, before we get started I just-I need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: So, what did Francis leave me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Well, that's why you wanted me to come, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes. Yes. Yeah-no. She did. She left you umm, this lipstick.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's oh it's-ew used. Umm, cool.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Yes, yes I was.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: It really says that?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. See?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A. Top secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad, bad man?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. But umm... Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note? Because I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at me the way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note, would you give it to her please?\nPhoebe Buffay: But you-you-you came to see Lilly?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Yeah, yeah. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Lilly's dead.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: She what?!\nPhoebe Buffay: She's dead.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: I can't believe this. I just-I can't believe this. How-how-Oh my God. How long ago?\nPhoebe Buffay: 17 years ago.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Oh! What about, what about the girls?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, is on this couch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, Oops. I just, I-I-I-I don't, I don't know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, very sorry that I left?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what, it doesn't matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's a defense?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!\nPhoebe Buffay: You make up songs?\nFrank Buffay Sr.: Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm.\nFrank Buffay Sr.: I just, I y'know, I'm not very good at this. So, umm...\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I am.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not yet, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nEveryone: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey man, how did the audition go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Estelle said I didn't get it.\nRachel Green: What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.\nRoss Geller: What kind of problem?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, they had a problem with the bag!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Nooooo!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? It was a stupid play anyway!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't wanna give up the bag. I don't have to give up the bag! Do I Rach? Oh, you think I should give up the bag!\nRachel Green: Honey wait, Joey, I'm sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it...\nChandler Bing: Oh, hey!\nRachel Green: ...I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe I'm hearing this!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a bag, I just-it's just there are other bags that are a little less umm, controversial.\nChandler Bing: Yeah umm, they're called wallets."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes!\nRachel Green: I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.\nRoss Geller: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.\nChandler Bing: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!\nEveryone: Good idea! Yes!\nRoss Geller: It would be so cool to live across from you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!\nChandler Bing: Or we can do the actual telephone thing.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is!\nRachel Green: Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nRachel Green: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!\nRachel Green: OH MY GOD!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!\nPhoebe Buffay: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!\nRachel Green: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!\nPhoebe Buffay: YOU KNOW?!!!\nRachel Green: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nRachel Green: HI!! Hi!\nRoss Geller: What?! What?!\nRachel Green: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!\nRoss Geller: Actually, it looks really good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Get in here!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping or-Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!\nRachel Green: Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys!\nRachel Green: Joey! Come here! Come here!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? What?\nRachel Green: Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: You mean how they're friends and nothing more?\nRachel Green: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.\nRachel Green: Wh-what do you mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.\nRachel Green: Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.\nRachel Green: Ehhh, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't take any...\nPhoebe Buffay: No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Noo! I can't take any more secrets! I've got your secrets. I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know!\nRachel Green: You don't have any secrets!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal.\nRachel Green: So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.\nChandler Bing: Hello children!\nEveryone: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah the material feels so soft-hello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out?\nChandler Bing: Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. Are you okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you really wanna know, I'm-Oh! I can't tell you this.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee-Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.\nMonica Geller: You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?\nChandler Bing: Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.\nMonica Geller: Okay, now you're even cuter!!\nChandler Bing: Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nChandler Bing: I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.\nMonica Geller: That's not possible!\nChandler Bing: Ow!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry it's just, Phoebe just always thought you were, you were charming in a, in a sexless kind of way.\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her.\nChandler Bing: No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud!\nMonica Geller: This bicep?\nChandler Bing: Well it's not flexed right now!\nRachel Green: Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?\nMonica Geller: Uhh, y'know actually I was gonna do some laundry.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Hey Chandler, wanna do it with me?\nChandler Bing: Sure, I'll do it with ya.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay great, hold on a sec! Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!\nMonica Geller: I mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters.\nPhoebe Buffay: I have quarters!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?\nRoss Geller: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to\nMonica Geller: Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: That new mountain bike?\nRoss Geller: No.\nMonica Geller: Well what did you send?\nRoss Geller: A basket of mini-muffins.\nPhoebe Buffay: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?\nRoss Geller: The small one.\nRachel Green: What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?\nRoss Geller: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.\nChandler Bing: Your work makes me sad.\nRoss Geller: Oh man! I want that place so much!! I was so sure that was gonna work! There's twelve bucks I'll never see again!\nRachel Green: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.\nMonica Geller: Bye!\nEveryone: Bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye Chandler! I miss you already.\nChandler Bing: Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!\nMonica Geller: Actually, I did!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!\nChandler Bing: Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps-She knows!\nChandler Bing: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Phoebe knows about us!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I didn't tell them!\nMonica Geller: Them?! Who's them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!\nChandler Bing: Oh man!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!\nMonica Geller: Unless...\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Not unless! Look this must end now!\nMonica Geller: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So...\nChandler Bing: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!\nRoss Geller: Noooo.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?\nRoss Geller: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!\nRachel Green: Y'know what you should do?\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nRachel Green: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm listening.\nRachel Green: See?\nRoss Geller: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.\nPhoebe Buffay: He broke that.\nRoss Geller: Well, he had gravity boots.\nRachel Green: Yeah, he broke those too.\nJoey Tribbiani: So he likes to break stuff.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?\nPhoebe Buffay: I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.\nRoss Geller: Right.\nRachel Green: Hello! Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! It's Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh? Hello you.\nChandler Bing: Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eh?\nChandler Bing: Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!\nRachel Green: Are you kidding?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nRachel Green: I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! Joey, do they know that we know?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRachel Green: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: They know you know.\nRachel Green: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!\nPhoebe Buffay: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! Joey, you can't say anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't even if I wanted too.\nRoss Geller: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but-I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.\nRachel Green: All right. Be sexy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Please.\nPhoebe Buffay: So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Oh my God! That is our friend! It's Naked Ross!\nEveryone: Yeah, it is! Naked Ross!!\nRachel Green: Show time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, Rachel, get me perfume!\nRachel Green: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses?\nMonica Geller: All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!\nChandler Bing: Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?\nMonica Geller: Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!\nChandler Bing: How do you know?!\nMonica Geller: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!\nChandler Bing: At this?!\nMonica Geller: Just go get some! Go!\nRachel Green: Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay? Whoa, wait!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good idea!\nRachel Green: Yeah, oh wait!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh now, don't give away the farm!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Come on in.\nPhoebe Buffay: I was going too. Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?\nChandler Bing: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, here we are. Nervous?\nChandler Bing: Me? No. You?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I want this to happen.\nChandler Bing: So do I.\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna put on some music.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you.\nChandler Bing: You look good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!\nChandler Bing: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nChandler Bing: Oh, do you not want to?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.\nChandler Bing: Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.\nChandler Bing: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!\nMonica Geller: She's bluffing!\nChandler Bing: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this!\nPhoebe Buffay: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!\nRachel Green: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh!\nRachel Green: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like that! Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey! Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not my first time.\nMonica Geller: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!\nChandler Bing: Okay, give me a second! Did you clean up in here?\nMonica Geller: Of course.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you're-you're going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, not without you, lover. So, this is my bra.\nChandler Bing: It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were gonna be having all the sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: You should be. I'm very bendy. I'm gonna kiss you now.\nChandler Bing: Not if I kiss you first.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh.\nChandler Bing: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here it comes. Our first kiss.\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!\nPhoebe Buffay: And why not?!\nChandler Bing: Because I'm in love with Monica!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're-you're what?!\nChandler Bing: Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! I love you, Monica.\nMonica Geller: I love you too Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude!\nChandler Bing: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. And might I say your breasts are still showing.\nPhoebe Buffay: God!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!\nMonica Geller: Well actually, Ross doesn't.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.\nRoss Geller: A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.\nDr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.\nRoss Geller: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.\nDr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?\nRoss Geller: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I-What? No! Wh... What are you doing?!! GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!\nChandler Bing: Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm going on the lamb.\nMonica Geller: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. Hold on! Hey Ross. What's up bro?\nRoss Geller: What the hell are doing?!!\nRachel Green: Hey, what's-what's going on?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! He's right there!\nRoss Geller: I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!\nChandler Bing: Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.\nMonica Geller: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's true, I love him too.\nRoss Geller: My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big news!\nRachel Green: Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while.\nRoss Geller: What? What? What?! You guys knew? You all knew and you didn't tell me?!!\nRachel Green: Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.\nRoss Geller: You were worried about me? You didn't know how I was going to react?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids...\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I call Godfather!\nRoss Geller: You can't just call Godfather. Don't you think her brother should be Godfather?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, if you cared enough to call it first.\nMonica Geller: Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie.\nKatie: Hi!\nEveryone: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, are you ready to go?\nKatie: Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sure, right back there.\nKatie: Hey, where are we going to lunch?\nJoey Tribbiani: I was thinking Chinese food.\nKatie: Ohh, I love Chinese! How did you know I love Chinese?!\nRachel Green: She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but...\nMonica Geller: But what?\nJoey Tribbiani: She keeps punching me.\nMonica Geller: In that cute, little, sweet way she just did?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? She-she-she's hurting me.\nMonica Geller: I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?\nChandler Bing: Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.\nRachel Green: Aww, Joey, come here. Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I-Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts.\nRoss Geller: Aww.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Salt, so your life always has flavor.\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bread, so you never go hungry.\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Thanks. And thanks again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nGuy: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nGuy: Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants committee.\nRoss Geller: Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.\nSteve Cera: Oh hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mr. President.\nSteve Cera: I came to talk to you about Howard.\nRoss Geller: Howard?\nSteve Cera: Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of thing.\nRoss Geller: Oh that's nice.\nSteve Cera: Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or...\nRoss Geller: Oh. Uhh...\nSteve Cera: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door.\nRoss Geller: No-no, it's not that, it's just... I-I just moved in.\nSteve Cera: Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years.\nRoss Geller: Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.\nSteve Cera: Oh, okay, I get it.\nRoss Geller: No wait, look. Look! I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard. I-I mean I don't know Howard.\nSteve Cera: Howard's the handy man!\nRoss Geller: Yes but too me he's just, man.\nSteve Cera: Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building.\nRoss Geller: Ugh, can you believe that guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I really like his glasses.\nRoss Geller: ...so then President Steve told everyone that I was a cheapskate, and now the whole building hates me! A little kid spit on my knee! Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building, and I'm gonna sit them down and explain to them, I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy! I'm just a guy who-who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles.\nChandler Bing: Sounds like a fun party.\nRachel Green: Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.\nRoss Geller: It doesn't matter! It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!\nRachel Green: Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags.\nRachel Green: And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.\nChandler Bing: Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.\nRachel Green: Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.\nChandler Bing: Wh-wh-why?!\nRachel Green: Well, because she loves you and because you love her.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!\nRachel Green: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.\nChandler Bing: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! I'm right. I'm right. Am I right?\nRachel Green: No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that makes everything different.\nChandler Bing: Okay. It's not different at all, is it?\nRachel Green: Not unless different means the same.\nKatie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny.\nKatie: No, you make them funny. You're the funny one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.\nKatie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size!\nMonica Geller: Isn't this great?\nChandler Bing: Hmm.\nMonica Geller: Couldn't you just stay like this forever? Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.\nMonica Geller: What-what are you doing?\nChandler Bing: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.\nMonica Geller: Man, I knew it! I knew you were going to do this!!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nMonica Geller: Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff.\nChandler Bing: Well, you do want all that stuff, right?\nMonica Geller: Oh and you know what I want!\nChandler Bing: Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!\nMonica Geller: I do not have baby fever!\nChandler Bing: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!\nMonica Geller: Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!\nChandler Bing: Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the head-in your head!\nMonica Geller: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I did not know that.\nChandler Bing: It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.\nChandler Bing: By me?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no.\nRoss Geller: Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, big!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-oh, shht! The Misses.\nMonica Geller: Gunther, can I get a coffee to go?\nChandler Bing: Monica.\nMonica Geller: I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.\nChandler Bing: Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.\nMonica Geller: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one.\nParty Guests: Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi Ross!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I thought this was your party and it turns out it's a party for Howard. He's just the sweetest little man!\nGuest #1: See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in!\nRoss Geller: You chipped in?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe! I can't believe you gave them money! I thought you agreed it was totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but you're making me look bad!\nPhoebe Buffay: No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's-I'm a hit!\nSteve Cera: Oh hey, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nSteve Cera: Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay, my bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi! Wow! You look, you look...big.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?\nRachel Green: Uhhh, yeah. But it's not obvious why.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well look, I'm breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?\nKatie: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Hiya!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey, cute jacket!\nKatie: Oh, thanks! That's so sweet!\nRachel Green: Oh! Ow!\nKatie: Oh, ow! Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys, are too much!\nRachel Green: Whoa! Y'know what Katie? I gotta tell ya I-I-I-I think you are the one who is too much.\nKatie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends!\nRachel Green: Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend!\nKatie: You're so sweet!\nRachel Green: Ohh, you're so sweet!\nKatie: Oww!!!! Joey, she just kicked me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nKatie: Well? Aren't you gonna do something?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh...\nKatie: You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's what I'm saying.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe? Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh.\nRoss Geller: Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?\nRoss Geller: So uh, what did you tell them about me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some sympathy.\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nPhoebe Buffay: But somehow you came off as the bad guy.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think I told it wrong. Y'know, we should talk about that because I don't totally understand what happened there.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, this cake is really good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, see? Things are looking up already!\nGuest #2: Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! Who would do a think like that?\nSteve Cera: 3-B!\nEveryone: Oh yeah, aww!\nSteve Cera: Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?!\nGuest #3: Yeah, leave!\nEveryone: Yeah, get out! Now!\nSteve Cera: Go back to 3-B, 3-B!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, \"Who hear likes Ross,\" and he's wearing two nametags! I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys Gold-digger, cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.\nPhoebe Buffay: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.\nRoss Geller: Oh wow, yeah! See, I did not get that.\nChandler Bing: Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?\nMonica Geller: I'm Monica.\nChandler Bing: I need to talk to you, it's urgent!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this.\nMonica Geller: Wait what-wh-wh-what are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: Monica...\nMonica Geller: No-no, don't-don't-don't do it!\nChandler Bing: Will you marry me?\nRoss Geller: Oh-no. No. No.\nJoey Tribbiani: What a bad idea!\nRachel Green: Ohhhh, I cannot look at it!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, why are you doing this?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.\nMonica Geller: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I'm doing this because I'm sorry?\nMonica Geller: Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?\nChandler Bing: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?\nMonica Geller: Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.\nMonica Geller: Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!\nChandler Bing: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys.\nMonica Geller: Who? Two divorces and Joey?!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: She's right y'know.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but still, cheap shot!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.\nChandler Bing: I didn't think I was!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?\nChandler Bing: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?\nRoss Geller: No, I will not!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.\nRoss Geller: You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.\nRachel Green: Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Okay, how long is this going to go on.\nMonica Geller: Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.\nRoss Geller: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole \"We were on a break thing?\" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me?\nChandler Bing: That's not funny.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not funny at all!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you guys doing up?\nChandler Bing: Oh, we wanted to finish the crossword before we went to bed. Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dark red.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. Hey, how about maroon?\nMonica Geller: Yes, you are so smart!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, you guys are so cute!\nMonica Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'll see you in the morning.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I love doing crossword puzzles with you honey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed.\nMonica Geller: Okay! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but...\nJoey Tribbiani: Cat.\nMonica Geller: Yes! You are so smart! I love you.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love you too.\nRachel Green: Uhh, we still need a tip.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Hold on. I got it. Nickel! How much more do we need?\nRachel Green: A couple of bucks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, dime! You guys should probably keep talking; this could take a while. Oh no, wait! Look it! Whoa! Oh my God, this is a police badge!\nMonica Geller: Wow!\nChandler Bing: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I bet somebody's missing that badge.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. That uh, that my sweatshirt?\nMonica Geller: Oh yes, it is. I'm sorry I borrowed it, I was cold. I hope its okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, it's just that uh, y'know if-if you're gonna be wearing someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriends-and I'm not him.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I'll give it back to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! No! I mean it's gonna be all smelling like Monica!\nMonica Geller: Are you saying I smell bad?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, you smell like a meadow. I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: What's with him?\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I still don't know. I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, \"Kids welcome here.\" But that also says, \"Come here to me!\"\nRachel Green: What?! You say that to kids?!!\nRoss Geller: No! No! No! The \"Come here to me\" is y'know for the ladies.\nRachel Green: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.\nThe Salesman: You picked a great couch.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nThe Salesman: Yeah. Could you just sign right here please?\nRoss Geller: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!\nRachel Green: Wait! No, that's ridiculous. Come on, he lives three blocks away!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! All right Rach, let's go!\nRachel Green: Yeah! Are you kiddin'?\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on!\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh! I can do it!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nThe Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together.\nThe Salesman: Ohh, okay. Something didn't quite add up there.\nRachel Green: Ross!\nRoss Geller: What's that supposed to mean?\nRachel Green: Ross!\nThe Salesman: Well you, her, I mean, she's very...y'know. And you're like...y'know.\nRoss Geller: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.\nThe Salesman: Really? You two?\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Rach?\nRachel Green: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.\nRoss Geller: Then tell him quickly.\nRachel Green: Fine! We went out.\nRoss Geller: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!\nRachel Green: Ross!! Oh my-ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!\nRoss Geller: A loser you did it with 298 times!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Oh! Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am?\nThe Smoking Woman: Yes?\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!\nThe Smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.\nPhoebe Buffay: No but you shouldn't! Don't ever do that again.\nThe Smoking Woman: I won't! Until I have my next cigarette.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hold it! N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk!\nThe Smoking Woman: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's right you are so busted. Book 'em.\nThe Smoking Woman: Who are you talking too?\nPhoebe Buffay: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.\nThe Smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!\nPhoebe Buffay: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. Backup! Backup!!\nThe Smoking Woman: I-I'm sorry! Sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, cancel backup! Cancel backup!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Ross, didn't you say that there was an elevator in here?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Okay, here we go.\nRoss Geller: Okay, go left. Left! Left!\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? There is no more left, left!\nRoss Geller: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! Okay. You got it?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Good-good-good.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you got it right? You got it right? You got it?\nRachel Green: Any chance you think the couch looks good there?\nPhoebe Buffay: ...so this guy was all And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. It was just so cool!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you were supposed to take that back!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know but I'm having so much fun doing good deeds.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested.\nPhoebe Buffay: You could get arrested, right now! All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Oh.\nChandler Bing: Hi, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't know you guys were going to be here.\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey, sweetie, taste this.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Why?!\nMonica Geller: What is going on with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing!\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on! You've been acting strange all day!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, but I don't want to talk about it.\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? I kinda have a dream! I don't want to talk about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it involved Monica.\nChandler Bing: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing?! Oh, that is so cool! I can't tell you how many times I've dreamt about a girl that he was seeing. Anyway we're talking about your dream. I love you. Your dream?\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, there wasn't any sex in it or anything. I haven't dreamt about her like that since I found out about you two-ish.\nMonica Geller: What was the dream about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.\nMonica Geller: Wait, Joey! Joey! That doesn't mean that-that you're in love with me!\nJoey Tribbiani: It-it doesn't?\nMonica Geller: No!\nChandler Bing: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.\nJoey Tribbiani: That kinda sounds like your dream dude.\nMonica Geller: Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and we y'know were being close and stuff and then you just want to have that with someone too.\nJoey Tribbiani: In the dream I did enjoy the closeness.\nMonica Geller: Um-hmm.\nChandler Bing: Joey, look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not really.\nChandler Bing: Well there you have it!\nMonica Geller: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! But that's good that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?\nChandler Bing: Well y'know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Friends first? That's interesting.\nMonica Geller: You become friends after?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, never done that either.\nRachel Green: Hey, umm, do you guys have that tape measure?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom.\nMonica Geller: That's right.\nRachel Green: What's up Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: How you doin'?\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, is this your car?\nGuy: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance.\nGuy: Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop.\nGuy: So am I!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, no. Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4.\nCop: Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I'm with the umm, the 57th.\nCop: Oh, I know a guy in homicide up there.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm in vice. Yeah, in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.\nCop: Who-who else is in vice up there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz?\nCop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, big guy, kinda bald.\nCop: No, I don't know him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there, he's out. His umm, his partner just died.\nCop: Wow umm, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I sure will, take care.\nCop: Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. And where did you find my badge?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRachel Green: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'd love too, but I got acting class. But y'know what? I guess I can blow that off, for you.\nRachel Green: Thanks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, hey, Rach let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boy they are really tight.\nRachel Green: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah that's not such a bad situation they got going over there. I'm thinking of getting me one of those.\nRachel Green: What's up Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great...\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, \"Who are my friends?\" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So...\nRachel Green: What are you saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.\nRachel Green: Y'know honey, umm, as uh, as flattered as I am that uh, you saw me first, uhh, I just, I-I don't think we should be cranking anything up.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll treat you real nice.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, y'know umm... No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!\nJoey Tribbiani: Won't-won't that take longer?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but once you find it, ohh it's so worth the wait.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I understand. I understand. Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!\nRoss Geller: Come here to me. No-no, you come here to me.\nRachel Green: Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements.\nRoss Geller: Oh great! What, you brought Joey?\nRachel Green: Well, I brought the next best thing.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...\nRoss Geller: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay Rach, that's you. That's the couch.\nRachel Green: Whoa-oh, what's-what's that?\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's me.\nRachel Green: Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.\nRoss Geller: No! That's-that's my arm!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Just-just follow my lead.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Come on, Chandler.\nRoss Geller: All right. Okay, here we go!\nRoss Geller: All right, ready?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Turn.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Turn! Turn!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I don't think we can turn anymore!\nRachel Green: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's going to fit.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!\nChandler Bing: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, I don't think it's going to pivot anymore.\nRoss Geller: All right, let's uh, let's bring it back down and-and try again.\nChandler Bing: Okay, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe that didn't work!\nRachel Green: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know, what did you mean when you said pivot?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.\nChandler Bing: Hey, whoa-whoa! What's she like?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, well, she's...really good in bed.\nMonica Geller: Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well look, hey, it's all your fault!\nRachel Green: What?! Why?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!\nMonica Geller: What about the closeness?\nJoey Tribbiani: Closeness-shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Hey, who wants pizza?!\nChandler Bing: Ooh, I do! I do! I do!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?\nMonica Geller: Who is it?\nVoice: N.Y.P.D!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, just a minute officer!!\nCop: I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!\nCop: Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!\nCop: I don't like looking foolish. Y'know what? Maybe uh, I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.\nPhoebe Buffay: I would love it if I weren't here!\nCop: Okay, so since umm, you're not going to jail tonight I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Me?!\nCop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I didn't see that coming! You're-you're asking me out!\nCop: Yeah. I mean, I coulda done it better, but these people keep staring at me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, yeah, I'd like to go out with you officer...\nCop: Gary.\nPhoebe Buffay: Gary.\nGary: Okay, so it's a date.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! So-ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?\nGary: Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, impressive.\nGary: Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, we'll talk at dinner.\nGary: Okay. So I'll come by in a couple hours and pick you up?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I can't wait!\nGary: Okay. And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for donuts.\nChandler Bing: He has a gun!\nRoss Geller: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.\nThe Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half!\nRoss Geller: That's what I'm telling you.\nThe Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?\nRoss Geller: This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half!\nThe Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!\nRoss Geller: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.\nThe Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.\nRoss Geller: I take it."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Good, you guys are all here!\nRoss Geller: Hey! What's up?\nRachel Green: Well, I have a job interview at Ralph Lauren tomorrow!\nEveryone: Congratulations! Ohh, that's great!\nRachel Green: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Boy, that guy's underwear sucks!\nRachel Green: Wh-what?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I got this pair marked excess, I gotta tell ya, there was no room for excess anything in there.\nRachel Green: Anyway, I'm going to be the coordinator of the woman's collection, I'll work right under the director, it's the perfect, perfect job for me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Well, if you nail the interview, you'll get it!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: You wanna work on your interview skills?\nRachel Green: O-okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Very good handshake, good wrist action.\nMonica Geller: Let me try.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?!\nMonica Geller: Did I squeeze it too hard?\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, same as the day before.\nMonica Geller: Is he doing his shark attack bit yet?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope. Op, wait! There he goes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.\nMonica Geller: Get in there man! Flirt back, mix it up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I-I-I'm down with that. Okay, here goes. How you a-doin'? It worked! She's waving me over. Okay, I-I-I'll be right over. Let's see, she's on the third floor...\nMonica Geller: Wow! She is pretty, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Tell me about it, huh? Oh no-no-no, I'm not with her, she's just Monica! Ewwuck!\nRoss Geller: Hey Joey! Great stuff huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is your place?\nRoss Geller: Of course it is. Yeah, come on in. Ooh-ooh, go by the window you can pretend to be surfing.\nJoey Tribbiani: But I counted, you're not supposed to live here! Oh man!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugh!!\nMonica Geller: What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit.\nMonica Geller: No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV.\nGary's Radio: We've lost visual contact with the suspect.\nGary: Okay, now I've really have to go!\nPhoebe Buffay: But it's just so unfair that our date has to get cut short just 'cause some guy shot at a store clerk.\nGary: I know, but it's my job, sweethart!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, then maybe I can come too!\nGary's Radio: Suspect has just emerged naked from the sewer.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, you go.\nGary: Bye-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Kay, bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I just miss him so much!\nMonica Geller: Wow! For just a week you guys are really close, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's weird. I can't help it though he's so sweet, he's like this little puppy dog, y'know? But like a really tough one that shots bad guys. Ohh, I just love beginning parts of relationships, y'know?! You just like can't keep your hands off each other.\nMonica Geller: I know it is the best.\nPhoebe Buffay: So-so how long did that last for you and Chandler?\nMonica Geller: What? It's still going on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, seriously! When did it end?\nMonica Geller: I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you know where you are better than I do. I was just curious.\nMonica Geller: What don't you just calm down Phoebe! All right?! Why don't you just get all your facts before you run around telling everybody that you're the only hot couple!!\nPhoebe Buffay: God, I woke the beast. Sorry. I was wrong obviously, I just-I misspoke. It's okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, it is okay, I mean as long as you know that Chandler and I are also very hot and fiery, just as hot as you! I mean our flame, whew, is on fire!\nChandler Bing: Hey Monica, here's your broom back.\nMonica Geller: You are so cute.\nChandler Bing: Oh hey, how'd the interview go?\nRachel Green: Ugh, horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?\nRachel Green: No!\nChandler Bing: So what happened?\nRachel Green: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, \"Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!\" Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!\nJoey Tribbiani: What happened?\nRachel Green: All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me... Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh...\nJoey Tribbiani: You kissed him?!\nRachel Green: Well, I didn't know what else to do!\nChandler Bing: Well you coulda tried, not kissing him.\nRachel Green: Thanks Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!\nRachel Green: I can't believe it! I got a second interview!\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet that kiss isn't looking like such a big mistake now, is it?\nRachel Green: What-what, wait a minute, you don't think that's why he wants me back?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! No?\nMonica Geller: A kiss? What are you talking about?\nRachel Green: I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause \"Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!\"\nChandler Bing: Come on, Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! What if he thinks I'm the kind of girl that-that would just sleep with him?\nMonica Geller: He probably wants you back because you're right for the job.\nRachel Green: Maybe. I-I don't know-Oh God, how could I be so stupid?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. She's back! Hot girl's back!\nRachel Green: Ohh, well I'm not totally back yet, but thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, in Ross's building! She's back! She's back! Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. Got it!\nChandler Bing: I gotta check out this hot girl! There she is!\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!! Did you move?!\nRoss Geller: Yes. I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. I'm Ross.\nThe Old Man: Yes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh do you happen to have a hot girl in there?\nThe Old Man: No. I'm all alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?\nThe Little Girl: Daddy!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Later! Oh man! Hot girl! Hot girl!!\nMr. Zelner: Hi Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMr. Zelner: Come on in.\nMr. Zelner: It's really nice to see you again.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nMr. Zelner: Oh Rachel, uhh...\nRachel Green: What?\nMr. Zelner: Just ah...\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nMr. Zelner: Here let me...\nRachel Green: Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I , hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir.\nRachel Green: Ugh, you will not believe what that sleaze-ball from Ralph Lauren did too me!\nRachel Green: Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that?\nRoss Geller: You got ink on your lip.\nRachel Green: Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh...\nChandler Bing: So what do you say, maybe sometime I hold your gun?\nGary: I don't know man, we're really not supposed to do that.\nChandler Bing: Oh, what can happen? I mean, would you...\nGary: Yeah, I'm gonna say no.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh we can't, we already have plans.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.\nMonica Geller: Oh, we're not seeing a movie!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're not? Then why did you ask us if we wanted to go?\nMonica Geller: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Chandler? Can I see you for a second?\nChandler Bing: Uh, yeah.\nMonica Geller: Okay. We have got to beat them! {Here we go yet again.}\nChandler Bing: Why?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause, Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!\nChandler Bing: Ohh, so?\nMonica Geller: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!\nChandler Bing: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nThe Man: Excuse me. You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.\nRoss Geller: Who isn't?\nRoss Geller: I don't, I don't think we've meet. I-I'm Ross.\nThe Hot Girl: I know. You're the guy who wouldn't chip in for the handyman.\nRoss Geller: Nevermind!\nThe Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.\nRoss Geller: I had just moved in. Thank you! Listen umm...\nThe Hot Girl: Jen.\nRoss Geller: Jen, I know this may sound a little... But uh, would you maybe wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime, or...\nJen: Sure! That would be nice.\nRoss Geller: Umm?\nJen: Oh! My number is on there. Give me a call.\nRoss Geller: I will give you a call.\nJen: I'll see you later.\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nJen: I forgot my paper.\nChandler Bing: That was amazing!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe and Gary are so gonna hear about this at dinner.\nChandler Bing: That was amazing.\nMonica Geller: We are the hottest! Huh? No one is hotter than we are! You're the best.\nChandler Bing: No, you're the best.\nMonica Geller: No, you're the best.\nChandler Bing: No, you're the best.\nMonica Geller: I am the best.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys! What 'cha been doin'?\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey! Isn't that the girl that waved at you the other day?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. But I can see through your sheet. Yeah, yeah, that's her. But y'know what? Doesn't matter, I'm never gonna get to meet her anyway.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some like of hot girl parallel universe, or something.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No. No. She lives on the third floor, eighth apartment from the left.\nMonica Geller: No, those first two windows, that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.\nJoey Tribbiani: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.\nRoss Geller: So uhh, you ready?\nJen: Sure, I'll just get my coat. Could you get that?\nRoss Geller: Sure. Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: Dahhhhh!! No! Noooo!!\nRachel Green: Ah, first, I-I would like to say thank you for agreeing to see me again.\nMr. Zelner: That's quite all right, but I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.\nRachel Green: Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.\nMr. Zelner: Fair enough.\nRachel Green: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got courage, you got integrity, you got courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr...\nMr. Zelner: Zelner.\nRachel Green: Zelner! Right! I knew that! I really, really want this job and I think, I think I would be really good at it.\nMr. Zelner: Y'know what? I may regret this but uh, I'm going to give you a shot.\nRachel Green: Oh! You are?\nMr. Zelner: Um-hmm.\nRachel Green: Really? Oh thank you! Oh... Oh, would it be completely inappropriate to give you a hug?\nMr. Zelner: Yes!\nRachel Green: Okay, well then how about a handshake? Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch that-I mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you so-Hey! I'll see you Monday!\nPhoebe Buffay: You tired Chandler?\nMonica Geller: You better believe he's tired, after the day we had! If you know what I mean. You know what I mean?\nChandler Bing: Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean.\nGary: So uh Chandler, you like that badge I got you?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, it's so cool. Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta, 10-100. That's pee-pee.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you have a, a twig in your hair.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, umm, we kinda took a little detour on the way over here.\nGary: Yeah, we took a little stroll in the park and no one was around, so...\nMonica Geller: You didn't!\nPhoebe Buffay: We did! We violated Section 12 Paragraph 7 of the criminal code!\nMonica Geller: The park huh? A public place.\nGary: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second!\nMonica Geller: Hi Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Monica! This is the Men's room! Isn't it?\nMonica Geller: Yes it is. You see I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?\nChandler Bing: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous!\nMonica Geller: Come on, we can't let them win!\nChandler Bing: Ugh, we have already proved that we are hot! Okay? So why-why are you getting so obsessed about this thing?!\nMonica Geller: Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can't-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase!\nChandler Bing: So?\nMonica Geller: I feel really sad that we're not...really there anymore.\nChandler Bing: Oh wow! Is that what this all have been about?\nMonica Geller: Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time?\nChandler Bing: Yeah that was great. That was really great! But to tell you the truth, I'm more excited about where we are right now.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! I've never been in a relationship that's lasted this long before. Y'know to get past the beginning and still be around each other all the time, I think that's pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that's pretty exciting.\nMonica Geller: That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.\nMonica Geller: Did not.\nChandler Bing: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I freaked out a little.\nChandler Bing: Little?! You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up! And now we're back.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe Ross is buying this!\nMonica Geller: Thank God! I can't watch him anymore!\nChandler Bing: You guys ready fore the movies?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Oh by the way, thank you for loaning us Pamela and Yasmine.\nRoss Geller: Man! They cannot get enough!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Okay, pick a card.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right now, memorize it. You got it?\nChandler Bing: Oh yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that your card?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nCarol Willick: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hi there!\nBen Geller: Hi!!\nCarol Willick: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you talking about?!\nRoss Geller: Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute-y'know, which he is-so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! I mean, way to go Ben! Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.\nRoss Geller: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!\nChandler Bing: That.\nRachel Green: Okay, gotta go! Wish me luck!\nJoey Tribbiani: Luck!\nChandler Bing: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?\nRachel Green: Uh well, y'know what? I don't think if I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day...\nChandler Bing: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting.\nMonica Geller: Besides, if anybody's gonna get free stuff, it's gonna be me.\nRachel Green: Okay guys, way to wish me luck!\nEveryone: Good luck! Go get 'em!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise.\nMonica Geller: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!\nRoss Geller: Okay!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, great so do you want to do it together?\nMonica Geller: I would love to do it together!\nJoey Tribbiani: They're gonna do it together.\nChandler Bing: Dude! That's my girlfriend!\nJoey Tribbiani: What, so I gotta shut it down now?\nRoss Geller: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition.\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be weird to watch some actor pretending to be Ben's dad.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Weirder than watching his two moms make out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?\nRoss Geller: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.\nRoss Geller: You're not his godfather.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Are you kidding?!\nRoss Geller: Of course I am! Okay, let's go godfather.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!\nRoss Geller: Really? That's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her...\nCarol Willick: Hey, that kid looks familiar.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad...\nRoss Geller: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you,\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?\nRoss Geller: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.\nJoey Tribbiani: I look more like him than you do!\nCarol Willick: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that.\nKim: So it's down to these two, Nancy I know you like this one and I think I agree. Rachel, what do you think?\nRachel Green: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric Sorry.\nKim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them-I'm kidding.\nNancy: She is kidding, but don't ever disagree with her again. Okay, now I'm kidding!\nRachel Green: Oh, what a fun office.\nKim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back?\nKim: Rachel? Do you smoke?\nRachel Green: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories...about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.\nRachel Green: ...and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!\nMonica Geller: That doesn't seem fair.\nRachel Green: I know! It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisoning habit!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it is the best.\nRachel Green: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, you can go down there, you don't have to smoke. Just say you wanna get some fresh air.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I can do that.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, you wanna get some coffee?\nRachel Green: I would love to!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I wanna go to babe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait, I change my mind! Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, me too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look at that.\nMonica Geller: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.\nPhoebe Buffay: What happened to the intimate dinner party?\nMonica Geller: Oh, we're not doing that. Okay...\nPhoebe Buffay: So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host.\nMonica Geller: What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do!\nPhoebe Buffay: Like what?\nMonica Geller: Cups.\nPhoebe Buffay: Cups? You're giving me cups?\nMonica Geller: And ice!\nPhoebe Buffay: Cups and ice? Ooh, I get to be in charge of cups and ice? All right. Fine, okay, I will be in charge of cups and ice!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant...\nPhoebe Buffay: I got it! Mine!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey! How'd the audition go?!\nRoss Geller: Not so good.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's \"Audition didn't go so well. Yeah it did?\"\nRoss Geller: Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.\nMonica Geller: You got a callback too didn't you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah I did!\nKim: Hey Rachel, what are you doing out here?\nRachel Green: Oh well, it's kinda lonely up there, so I just thought I would come out here and get some fresh air.\nKim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.\nRachel Green: Oh great!\nKim: So anyway we really... Honey, we're just smoking all over you.\nNancy: Oh, sorry!\nRachel Green: Oh that's okay.\nKim: No-no-no, we'll move you just stay right there.\nNancy: So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line.\nKim: Oh that's great! You are the best!\nRachel Green: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? Y'know what, actually... Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?\nNancy: I thought you didn't smoke.\nRachel Green: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, \"Wow, those guys are crazy!\" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time.\nKim: We get high.\nRachel Green: Oh, me too.\nKim: I'm kidding.\nRachel Green: Oh, me too.\nRoss Geller: Oh God, this is so nerve wracking! How-how do you do this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so...\nCarol Willick: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who knows?\nThe Casting Director: Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.\nRoss Geller: Yes!! I knew it!! Bye-bye! So long! Later!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nThe Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two or you two.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it is.\nKyle: Yeah. It's gonna be weird.\nRoss Geller: No, we-we're gonna be like best friends, that's why it's gonna be weird.\nKyle: Oh, oh, I thought we were just talking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?\nChandler Bing: Ah sure. What's in 'em?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, cups.\nChandler Bing: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.\nRoss Geller: Seriously that's a lot of cups.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice.\nChandler Bing: Y'know I rued the day once...didn't get a whole lot else done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. Oh, hi Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs! Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.\nRoss Geller: What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.\nRoss Geller: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!\nRoss Geller: Well, you just...\nJoey Tribbiani: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!\nChandler Bing: Well I mean, let me get the door first. Oh, hi! No one.\nRoss Geller: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.\nJoey Tribbiani: At least I care about his feelings!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesn't get it?\nRoss Geller: And why wouldn't he get it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!\nRoss Geller: Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?\nJoey Tribbiani: You just give him a spoon baby!\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? I guess we'll just see!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!\nRoss Geller: You're kid's name is Raymond!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?! So's yours!\nMonica Geller: How did work go?\nRachel Green: Oh it was great! It was great! I went down there just like you said, y'know? And we talked business. Kim totally took my opinions.\nMonica Geller: You stink!\nRachel Green: Thanks!\nMonica Geller: No, I'm-I'm serious!\nRachel Green: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success.\nChandler Bing: Okay, there's something different though-Oh my God! You smoked!\nRachel Green: I did not!\nChandler Bing: Yes you did! You look happy and sick; you smoked!\nRachel Green: All right, fine! But I had too! I had to do it for my career!\nChandler Bing: I wish I had smoked for my career...\nMonica Geller: That's so gross!\nRachel Green: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good!\nMonica Geller: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding.\nChandler Bing: I think you smell great!\nKim: So, we're decided, no on plaid, yes on pink?\nNancy: Absolutely!\nRachel Green: I am so on board!\nKim: Rachel didn't you just light that?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I did, but y'know what? I am really, really trying to cut back, y'know? Good luck, Rach.\nNancy: I've actually been thinking about quitting lately.\nKim: Oh sure, every Sunday night I'm telling myself I'm quitting but every Monday morning it's like\nNancy: Tell me about it!\nRachel Green: Well then let's just quit! We'll just quit! Let's all quit!\nKim: It does sound appealing.\nNancy: Oh, I never could do it.\nRachel Green: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get-what are those-those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!\nKim: Oh y'know, we really should quit. Okay, let's quit!\nRachel Green: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it!\nKim: My late husband gave me that lighter. I'm not kidding.\nRachel Green: Okay then!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmmm, soup! Hmm soup! Hmm, soup!\nCarol Willick: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, no problem.\nCarol Willick: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.\nRoss Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Ben! I mean, Ben! Ben!\nThe Casting Director: Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nThe Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.\nThe Casting Director: Is there a problem?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.\nThe Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, \"Hmm, soup.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, what did I say?\nThe Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.\nJoey Tribbiani: How's that different? Oh! Yeah!\nThe Casting Director: All right, let's try one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmm, noodle soup.\nThe Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmm, soup. I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup!\nRaymond: COME ON!!!!\nThe Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey-hey-hey!!\nKim: Uh-oh, busted!\nRachel Green: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!\nKim: Yeah. That didn't work out.\nNancy: Rachel we tried to quit, but it was too hard!\nRachel Green: Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about?\nKim: No. No! You're doing great! Don't you give up! That's why we didn't tell you and we're not gonna drag you down with us.\nRachel Green: Oh wait, no-no-no! Drag me down. Drag-drag me down.\nKim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nKim: So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.\nRachel Green: Oh man!\nPhoebe Buffay: Check it out! Cup hat! Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup!\nChandler Bing: Great job with the cups, Pheebs!\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just go out with her!\nPhoebe Buffay: And did you notice the ice? Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! Ahhh! Mystical!\nChandler Bing: Awesome!\nMonica Geller: Chandler! Everyone-no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!\nChandler Bing: There are snow cones! Snow cones! Yuck!\nMonica Geller: Y'know...go! Go! Right there!\nChandler Bing: Thank you! Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look! Look! Look!\nEveryone: Surprise!!\nRachel Green: What?! What?! My birthday's not for another month!\nMonica Geller: That's the surprise!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You guys this is so great! I mean it's so unexpected! I mean Chandler's birthday is even before mine!\nEveryone: Surprise!\nRachel Green: Wow! This is great! Look at all these cups! This is so weird.\nPhoebe Buffay: I was in charge of cups.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay, not so weird.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah right!\nRoss Geller: No really, I-I am! I feel bad!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, \"Hmm, noodle soup.\"\nRoss Geller: Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson.\nJoey Tribbiani: What you do mean?\nRoss Geller: I think, sub-consciously...\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.\nRoss Geller: I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor...\nRoss Geller: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.\nRoss Geller: There you go. Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you! So, did-did he get it?\nRoss Geller: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Eh, what are you gonna do?\nChandler Bing: Oh, hi! Excuse me, is uh Rachel Green here? I was supposed to meet her for lunch.\nKim: Oh, she doesn't come down here any more. You can find her up on ten.\nChandler Bing: Okay, great.\nKim: So we talked about the whole presentation yesterday at lunch and he wondered if one person would be enough to get a take on the trip and I said, \"Yeah, absolutely!\"\nChandler Bing: I'll catch you guys later."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?\nChandler Bing: Monica and I are celebrating our ten-month anniversary, we've got reservations at Ja George.\nRoss Geller: Wow! How'd you get in there?\nChandler Bing: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.\nDelivery Girl: Hi Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hey Caitlin! Somebody got a haircut.\nCaitlin: Ugh, I hate it! I look like an 8-year-old boy.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting.\nCaitlin: It's uh, 27 dollars even.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay. Here you go.\nCaitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?\nChandler Bing: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.\nCaitlin: Great. I'll see you later!\nChandler Bing: Okay, bye!\nRoss Geller: What the hell was that?!\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!\nChandler Bing: I was not flirting.\nRoss Geller: It was totally flirting. \"Somebody got a haircut \"\nChandler Bing: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, right.\nChandler Bing: You wanna see flirting? I'll show you flirting.\nRoss Geller: I'm good.\nRachel Green: I am so proud of Joey, I can't believe he's going to be on Law & Order!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. But don't you think that it should be called Order and Law?\nRachel Green: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't get me started on that.\nChandler Bing: I was not flirting.\nRoss Geller: And on your anniversary, for shame!\nRachel Green: What's going on?\nRoss Geller: Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl!\nChandler Bing: I was not and oh God, shh!\nRoss Geller: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sounds like somebody wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl.\nRoss Geller: Well...\nChandler Bing: Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin?\nRachel Green: Ross! We broke up two years ago; you've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.\nRoss Geller: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.\nRachel Green: Hm-mmm.\nRoss Geller: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little...\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? We don't need her measurements.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!\nRoss Geller: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.\nPhoebe Buffay: See? Vegetarianism benefits everyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey everybody, look who's here! You remember my grandmother!\nRachel Green: Big night!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is so cool!\nChandler Bing: So, Joey on Law & Order, you must be very proud!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, she doesn't understand a word of English.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I thought you were Joey's other grandmother. I've done it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I uh weighted like 27 pounds when I was born so...\nMonica Geller: Hey! Happy Anniversary!\nChandler Bing: Happy Anniversary, 10 months!\nMonica Geller: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London...\nChandler Bing: Uhh, Joey's grandmother is right there.\nMonica Geller: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?\nChandler Bing: The one that doesn't.\nMonica Geller: That was some hot love you gave me! I'm gonna go get ready.\nChandler Bing: Hey, why don't you wear those earrings I gave you?\nMonica Geller: That's a great idea! I was saving them for something special.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: You have got to go home!\nPhoebe Buffay: But I like it here!\nMonica Geller: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well I think that they're in my purse. Why don't you go get dressed and I'll look for them.\nMonica Geller: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Rach, hi, I need those earrings you borrowed.\nRachel Green: Oh, umm, okay, yeah, I'll be, yeah I'll be right back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow Pheebs, you speak Italian?\nPhoebe Buffay: I guess so.\nRachel Green: Here you go. Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, Rach! Where's the other one?\nRachel Green: Oh what, you-you want both of them?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight!\nRachel Green: Tell her to wear her own earrings.\nPhoebe Buffay: These are her earrings.\nRachel Green: Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?\nRachel Green: Because I lose her stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, see that blind guy right there? I'm gonna bash his head in later.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up.\nChandler Bing: If you said, \"Big lima bean, bubbling up.\" Would she understand the difference?\nMonica Geller: Rach? What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Oh boy, I just can't watch. It's too scary!\nMonica Geller: It's a diaper commercial.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah well, you know me, babies, responsibilities, ahhh!!!\nCaitlin: Pizza delivery!\nRoss Geller: I'll get it! I will get that!\nCaitlin: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nCaitlin: One uh, vegetarian pizza. That's $12.15.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.\nCaitlin: What?!\nRoss Geller: The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.\nCaitlin: Oh. Thanks.\nRoss Geller: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.\nCaitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.\nChandler Bing: Here you go. Now stop bringing us pizzas you.\nCaitlin: I'm gonna try.\nChandler Bing: You're welcome.\nRoss Geller: You couldn't let me have her, could ya?!\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: This is a girl that I really like and had too swoop in there!\nMonica Geller: What's goin' on?\nRoss Geller: Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl!\nChandler Bing: Thank you for that! I was not flirting.\nMonica Geller: It's okay. I don't care. It's uh, it's fine.\nRoss Geller: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nMonica Geller: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.\nChandler Bing: So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?\nMonica Geller: Sure! It doesn't mean anything! Just like I know it doesn't mean anything with you!\nChandler Bing: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.\nJoey Tribbiani: True story!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, this actually bothers you?\nChandler Bing: Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?\nRachel Green: Uhh, no, no, it bothered me when he slept with other women.\nRoss Geller: And thank you, for that.\nRachel Green: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.\nRoss Geller: What? What-what, what are talking about? It-it worked with you.\nRachel Green: Oh! Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bamn nine years later you had me!\nRoss Geller: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you-I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! And not the one on the menu!\nPhoebe Buffay: I found it!\nRachel Green: Ohh! Thank God! Where was it?\nPhoebe Buffay: On your dresser.\nRachel Green: Okay that is the one we already have!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, everybody just keep smiling. It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out.\nChandler Bing: Well, what is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, they cut me out of the show.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe your scene's coming up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not likely. 'Cause you see that body bag right there\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm in it.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is terrible, what are you going to do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not good.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, smile! Not that face, smile! Everybody smile!\nRachel Green: Joey, why don't you just tell her what happened? It's not your fault.\nChandler Bing: If we keep talking this way, aren't we gonna freak her out soon?\nGrandma Tribbiani: \nJoey Tribbiani: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am!\nGrandma Tribbiani: No! Sam Waterston!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, that-that's me, that's me.\nGrandma Tribbiani: No, it's Sam Waterston! Crimes and Misdemeanors, Capricorn One.\nChandler Bing: Doesn't know, \"Hello.\" But she knows Capricorn One.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.\nPhoebe Buffay: But I already gave them back to you!\nMonica Geller: No you didn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I already didn't give them back to you, that's what I said. Where is that other earring?\nRachel Green: It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box.\nRachel Green: Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, we have like ten minutes. Do you want me to get into that now?!\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why are you being weird?\nRoss Geller: Do you like it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, that would be, \"Why are you being cute?\"\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm working on my flirting.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! I did not get that.\nChandler Bing: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it's good.\nChandler Bing: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!\nMonica Geller: Chandler! Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women.\nMonica Geller: Go on, teach me something about men and women.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, \"I'm just flirting, no big deal.\" But the guy is thinking, \"Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!\"\nMonica Geller: No way!\nChandler Bing: It's true.\nMonica Geller: Well that's pathetic!\nChandler Bing: Again true.\nMonica Geller: And this goes for all guys?\nChandler Bing: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!\nRoss Geller: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like ten minutes left!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I know! What am I going to do? Ooh!\nMonica Geller: No! You are not gonna run out and leave her here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, all right. Ooh!\nGrandma Tribbiani: Joey!\nChandler Bing: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. So, you're old and small.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Did you find it?\nRachel Green: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, those are my sunglasses, you borrowed them from me.\nRachel Green: Okay, calm down, here they are.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: What are we going to do?!\nRachel Green: I don't know, I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right well, we're just gonna have to tell Monica, that's all.\nRachel Green: Oh gosh, she's going to kill me.\nPhoebe Buffay: I suppose I could tell her it's just all my fault.\nRachel Green: Ohh that'd be great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mon, can I talk to you for a sec?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!\nMonica Geller: Wow! All right well, I mean, what can you do? If you lost it you lost it.\nPhoebe Buffay: I will replace it, I promise. I feel so terrible.\nMonica Geller: All right, sweetie that's fine. You didn't do it on purpose.\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: Look at you! Come here! Feel better?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! You're the best!\nRachel Green: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too.\nMonica Geller: That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!\nRachel Green: Your sunglasses?!\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, right!\nCaitlin: Pizza!\nRoss Geller: Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.\nChandler Bing: Okay, hold on. Okay.\nRachel Green: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to...\nRoss Geller: You'll see. Okay. Oh, what's-what's her name?\nEveryone: Caitlin!\nGrandma Tribbiani: Caitlin!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this.\nCaitlin: It's uh, $12.50.\nRoss Geller: Okay, so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?\nCaitlin: No actually umm, I think that they're umm, gas.\nRoss Geller: Gas? Wow! Intense.\nChandler Bing: If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.\nRoss Geller: Hey uh, y'know that smell gas has?\nCaitlin: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: They put that in.\nCaitlin: What?!\nRoss Geller: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.\nCaitlin: Well okay!\nRoss Geller: A lot of other gas smells...\nChandler Bing: Oh the humanity.\nRoss Geller: Meth-methane smells...\nCaitlin: Y'know what umm, actually I, I really, I should go.\nRoss Geller: Oh but I-I-I haven't paid you yet!\nCaitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me!\nRoss Geller: Was I talking to her about gas?\nChandler Bing: More so than anything else.\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I-I found it interesting.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there.\nRachel Green: Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: What else do they add smell too?\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey! Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?\nCaitlin: Oh, is there a problem?\nRachel Green: No. No. Every thing's-they're fine. Great pizza. But it's uh, actually umm my friend Ross. He uh, just gets really nervous when he's flirting.\nCaitlin: Oh my God! That was flirting?!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nCaitlin: Wow!\nRachel Green: I know, I know, but uh just, I'm telling you, once, once you get past that part, that where it-it just feels like you wanna die, he's-he's really a good person.\nCaitlin: The guy with the gas?!\nRachel Green: Yeah. I'm-I'm telling you he's really sweet and he's really funny and he's just ugh, got a good heart. And besides, I y'know, I think he really likes you.\nCaitlin: Really?!\nRachel Green: Well y'know, we have 7 people and like 10 pizzas, what do you think?\nCaitlin: I just, I thought Joey was there.\nRachel Green: Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.\nRoss Geller: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number.\nRoss Geller: And she just gave you this?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Rach, thanks but uh, I don't need you doing me any favors.\nRachel Green: I-I-I didn't! I didn't! She thought you were cute.\nRoss Geller: Well that I can believe.\nRachel Green: Yay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Is the show still on?\nChandler Bing: Almost over man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look! Oh! Is that the Pope?!\nChandler Bing: Why am I looking?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, here I am, here's my big scene!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!\nGrandma Tribbiani: Oh Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right!\nChandler Bing: You couldn't have at least changed your shirt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. Choo! Choo! Choo! Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it... Choo!! And if I don't get it, I'm gonna shoot this duck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm comin' out!\nRoss Geller: And she's supposed to buy this?!\nGrandma Tribbiani: Joey, bravo!\nChandler Bing: Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown...engines...on!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!\nPhoebe Buffay: I am definitely gonna watch that!\nMonica Geller: What about these? These look the same?\nPhoebe Buffay: Definitely!\nMonica Geller: Not as each other!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, then no.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nChandler Bing: You ready?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, you're about to get a little luckier.\nChandler Bing: Let me see the earrings.\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey, the earrings...\nChandler Bing: They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?\nMonica Geller: My boyfriend really does have good taste!\nChandler Bing: Thanks for picking out the earrings man.\nRoss Geller: Hm-mmm."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, good idea.\nChandler Bing: Hey man, what's up?\nRoss Geller: Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, Ross, look! Look!\nRoss Geller: What? Where?\nJoey Tribbiani: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look!\nRoss Geller: What am I looking at?\nJoey Tribbiani: Somebody help me out here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nGary: Hello!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nGary: How are you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got to go on a ride along?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nJoey Tribbiani: I want to go on a ride along!\nRoss Geller: Me too!\nGary: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah! Me too!\nGary: Really?! You?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nGary: Well, it's kinda dangerous.\nChandler Bing: Well, I like danger.\nGary: Okay, you guys free tonight?\nChandler Bing: Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you're home, I thought tonight we could finally organize these photos!\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank God! Finally!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know... And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See?\nRachel Green: Ohh, it's me and La Poo! Wow! I miss that dog.\nMonica Geller: You can also find him under umm, dog and dead.\nRachel Green: Great! Thanks!\nMonica Geller: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh?\nMonica Geller: I hadn't! Photo 152 was a prototype.\nRachel Green: Ohhhh. Honey, honey, honey, it's okay, it's okay honey. I'm gonna fix you a drink, huh? Maybe a margarita?\nRoss Geller: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!\nRachel Green: No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready.\nMonica Geller: All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash.\nRachel Green: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?\nMonica Geller: Nah, while you're at Ross's if you see any lying around...\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: What?! I-I-I don't, I don't do that!\nRoss Geller: That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy.\nChandler Bing: It is starting to get dark out there.\nRoss Geller: He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him!\nGary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.\nChandler Bing: Okay. But it is officially nighttime.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?\nGary: It's called the cherry.\nRoss Geller: It's the-Chandler!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!\nGary: Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho, yeah!\nGary: Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep!\nGary: Yeah, you can't eat that in my car.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah okay. Even though my tax dollars paid for this car.\nChandler Bing: Your tax dollars?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, okay.\nChandler Bing: Wow! That sandwich really does smell good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Did I say you could smell it?!\nChandler Bing: I can't smell your sandwich?\nJoey Tribbiani: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'll give them back. Look! What is so great about that sandwich?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you thinking about Monica?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's that like?\nRachel Green: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?!\nMonica Geller: Rach! It's me! Pick up!\nRachel Green: Hey! What's up?!\nMonica Geller: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.\nRachel Green: So all we have is ice?\nMonica Geller: See if he has ice.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nEmily Waltham: Hello Ross? It's Emily. I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh!\nRoss Geller: So where are we going next?\nGary: This witness won't return my calls so we're gonna see if we can surprise him coming home.\nChandler Bing: Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man! Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?\nGary: It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, no one talks like that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh what? Like your Mr. Cop!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!\nChandler Bing: How do you figure that?\nRoss Geller: Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It, it sounds gay.\nRoss Geller: Umm, jealous!\nGary: Hey, do you mind? We're under cover here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, no problem.\nGary: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, there! Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home!\nChandler Bing: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's up with that Serpico?\nEmily Waltham: Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.\nMonica Geller: Nooo!\nRachel Green: I know!\nMonica Geller: Well thank God you were here! I mean, we have to erase that!\nRachel Green: What?! We can't do that!\nMonica Geller: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?\nRachel Green: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesn't give us the right to erase his message!\nMonica Geller: I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesn't that give me the right to control him-help him?\nRachel Green: I don't think he's the one who needs help.\nMonica Geller: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him.\nRachel Green: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen!\nAnswering Machine: Your messages have been erased.\nRachel Green: Noooooooo!\nChandler Bing: Okay, y'know, we-we're safe right? I mean nothing bad can go down!\nGary: No. But that reminds me, sign this.\nRoss Geller: What is it?\nGary: Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off.\nChandler Bing: Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.\nGary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?!\nRoss Geller: What? What? What? What is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is everything okay?\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nGary: Okay, he sees us. Now don't move. Don't look at him.\nGary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?\nJoey Tribbiani: You okay man?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. Thank Joey!\nChandler Bing: Uh, HELLO!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nMonica Geller: All right, I guess we should go.\nRachel Green: No, wait. Wait.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah right!\nRachel Green: No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this!\nMonica Geller: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message!\nRachel Green: Yeah well unless we tell him.\nMonica Geller: Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you! All right? Fine, if you wanna tell him, tell him. I just don't want to be a part of it.\nRachel Green: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.\nRoss Geller: Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye!\nMonica Geller: Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away!\nRachel Green: Right?\nGary: Hey, anybody want to meet a hero?\nPhoebe Buffay: John Glenn is here?!\nGary: No, Joey!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car...\nGary: Wait! Hold on! Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nGary: Okay, go ahead.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!\nPhoebe Buffay: My God, Joey!\nChandler Bing: It was a car backfire!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but-but he didn't know that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't know that.\nRoss Geller: And it could've just as easily have been a bullet.\nGary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.\nChandler Bing: Who jumps at loud noises!\nRoss Geller: Wow! I could've died tonight.\nChandler Bing: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life.\nRoss Geller: I do have a newfound respect for life.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nGary: So you wanna get some dinner?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Sure! Yep! Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you.\nGary: Oh yeah? Well maybe you and I should take a walk through a bad neighborhood.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nGary: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!\nJoey Tribbiani: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! How come you took off?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever...\nJoey Tribbiani: Is something wrong?\nChandler Bing: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross!\nChandler Bing: I do not hate Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.\nChandler Bing: What picture?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing!\nChandler Bing: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you! No! I...knew...you could take care of yourself. Y'know, I mean Ross, he need help. He's not street like us!\nChandler Bing: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, no, not exactly! All right, look, I, I wasn't trying to save Ross. Okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was, I was trying to save my sandwich.\nChandler Bing: From a bullet!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know it doesn't make much sense...\nChandler Bing: Much sense?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it!\nChandler Bing: So you risked your life, for a sandwich!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is the greatest sandwich in the world!\nChandler Bing: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I would never do that! You-you're like my brother!\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, here.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, eh, oh-oi, easy, it's not a hot dog!\nJoey Tribbiani: How good is that?\nChandler Bing: Oh-oi-ho, yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: See?\nChandler Bing: Hm-hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. With a bite! Gee-e-e-eez!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hi!\nRoss Geller: Rach, what uh, what are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh!\nRachel Green: Okay, just a little scared. What's going on Ross?\nRoss Geller: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!\nRachel Green: What?! What? What happened?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: And somebody took a shot at me!\nRachel Green: Really?!\nRoss Geller: No, a car backfired, but I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I...I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now.\nRachel Green: Because a car backfired?\nRoss Geller: Okay, why are you here?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I-I don't know how this fits into your whole \"seizing\" thing but um, Emily called you today.\nRoss Geller: You talked to her?\nRachel Green: No, she left a message. But it-it kinda got erased. There's just something wrong with your machine.\nRoss Geller: Well, okay, what-what did she say?\nRachel Green: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nRachel Green: Now, that-that was a good thing that I told you, right?\nRoss Geller: Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course!\nRachel Green: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! Because-I'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want me-not important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. Your decision.\nRoss Geller: Right. I guess, I guess I should call Emily.\nRachel Green: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?\nRoss Geller: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!\nRachel Green: Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience!\nRoss Geller: You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know?\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? Maybe, this is not about seizing stuff. Maybe this is about escaping stuff.\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nRachel Green: I mean, look-look today you escaped death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily?\nRoss Geller: That does make sense. Because I do wanna seize some opportunity, but I-I really don't wanna see or talk to her.\nRachel Green: Well, there you go!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Maybe today is just, close call day.\nRachel Green: Close call day.\nRoss Geller: Hey, thanks Rach.\nRachel Green: Ohh, honey no problem. Okay.\nRoss Geller: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.\nRachel Green: Oh?\nRoss Geller: \"Hey Ross, it's you!\" Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.\nRachel Green: No.\nRoss Geller: Hey umm, was-was Monica here?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I want my money back.\nRachel Green: Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.\nRoss Geller: I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something.\nMonica Geller: Man, I would be great in a war! I mean, I really, I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean I know I would make General way before any of you guys.\nChandler Bing: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?\nRoss Geller: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us.\nChandler Bing: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, hero sandwiches.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. Not you Joey."}
{"text": "Gary: Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm fine, thanks.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, see, I can't pull of baby-doll can I?\nMonica Geller: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Hiya doin' pumpkin?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nope.\nMonica Geller: So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh?\nGary: I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nGary: What do you, what do you think?\nMonica Geller: I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her?\nGary: Tonight, but don't say anything. Okay?\nMonica Geller: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral...\nGary: I'll see you after work sweetie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what movie should we see?\nMonica Geller: Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Really?!\nMonica Geller: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe this!\nChandler Bing: Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!\nMonica Geller: Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you!\nChandler Bing: Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but it is fast. Isn't it?\nMonica Geller: Ohhhh!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!\nChandler Bing: So, what are you gonna do?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. I'll just handle it-I'll ask you to talk to him!\nChandler Bing: Me?! Why me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a...man!\nChandler Bing: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.\nMonica Geller: That is so sweet!\nChandler Bing: Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhh. I thought it was like Long Island.\nRoss Geller: Also an island.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what time is it?\nRoss Geller: 2:17.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.\nRoss Geller: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! Yeah, my pants are a little loose!\nRachel Green: Hey, you guys...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Is Monica here?\nRachel Green: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.\nRoss Geller: You bought Shawn Cassidy!\nRachel Green: Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready?\nRachel Green: Okay! Check it out!\nRoss Geller: What-what is it?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell is that?!!\nRachel Green: It's a, it's a cat!\nJoey Tribbiani: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}\nRachel Green: Yes it is!\nRoss Geller: Why is it inside out?!\nRachel Green: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!\nRoss Geller: How much did you pay for that?\nRachel Green: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? How much?\nRachel Green: A thousand bucks.\nRoss Geller: ON A CAT??!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not a cat!\nRachel Green: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!\nRoss Geller: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not a cat!\nRachel Green: Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, the ball thing.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!\nRoss Geller: Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it!\nRoss Geller: I know! Don't switch hands, okay?\nChandler Bing: Hey ladies! What are you in here for?\nGary: Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?\nChandler Bing: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.\nGary: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.\nGary: What's up?\nChandler Bing: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.\nGary: Sure. Okay.\nChandler Bing: Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be y'know, live-living together!\nGary: Yeah, I-I considered that. I just know it would make me happy.\nChandler Bing: You mean scared.\nGary: No, I mean happy.\nChandler Bing: Scared? Happy?\nGary: Chandler, what-what are you doing?\nChandler Bing: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!\nGary: I know! I can't wait!\nChandler Bing: Were you're parents happy, or something?\nGary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I just-I wanna be around her as much as I can.\nChandler Bing: Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.\nGary: So you know what I'm talking about, right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!\nGary: No, it's too soon for you guys.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you're right about that.\nRoss Geller: ...now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. It was right here, where is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!\nRoss Geller: How do you know? You don't have a watch.\nMonica Geller: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't know... Yeah, can't do it.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in...\nRoss Geller: 2 hours, 27 minutes.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nMonica Geller: I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. Yes!! Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!\nRachel Green: Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.\nMonica Geller: Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: You have scratches all over you, what happened?\nRachel Green: Well, it's my cat.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, I got a cat.\nMonica Geller: I don't want a cat!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, \"Rachel!\"\nRoss Geller: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.\nMonica Geller: What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!\nRachel Green: Well, I was gonna let you play with it.\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?\nChandler Bing: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nChandler Bing: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.\nPhoebe Buffay: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. If you ask me, I'd move in with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh!! God! Ooh! Get out of here, good for nothing.\nGary: Hey Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hey Gar!\nGary: Hi sweetie. Hi, can I talk to you for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay.\nGary: You look very pretty today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks! Okay.\nGary: Here's the thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nGary: Y'know I really want to move this relationship forward.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nGary: Because if you're not moving forward, y'know you're just moving backwards.\nPhoebe Buffay: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this.\nGary: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nGary: I want you to move in with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.\nGary: Oh. Oh-oh-okay, I get it.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just-I don't want us to jump into something we're not ready for.\nGary: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm just-I'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.\nGary: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which is why my answer is yes!\nGary: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh! I'm so...happy.\nRoss Geller: Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!\nChandler Bing: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right baby.\nChandler Bing: All right, let me in.\nMonica Geller: No-no! Don't do it! Don't!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: He's a dropper!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, that's right!\nChandler Bing: I'm not a dropper!\nRoss Geller: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?\nChandler Bing: It's throwing and catching!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Oh! That's so hard.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!\nMonica Geller: Oh my-Oh good God!\nRachel Green: I give up you guys, I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing!\nRoss Geller: Baking it didn't help, huh?\nMonica Geller: So, why don't you just take it back to where you got it?\nRachel Green: I tried! They won't take her back.\nChandler Bing: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.\nMonica Geller: Rach, why won't they take it back?\nRachel Green: Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?\nMonica Geller: Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it.\nRachel Green: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.\nEveryone: Hey!\nGary: We have great news!\nPhoebe Buffay: We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay!\nEveryone: Congratulations! Congrats!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I'm so excited!\nGary: So am I!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited!\nGary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!\nGary: All right.\nMonica Geller: So you're moving in with him. What happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.\nMonica Geller: Why, do you write him a lot?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they?\nEveryone: Yeah! That's right. Yeah-yeah! Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.\nGary: Hey, honey! Okay, so did you find any apartments? Anything in Brooklyn Heights?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, nothing.\nGary: Oh really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nGary: Nothing at all?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool.\nGary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nGary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I feel great. 'Cause we're moving in together.\nGary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. Can I get some water?\nGary: In a minute. You-you checked today's Post?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, yeah! Today's.\nGary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post and uh, these are the listings I found. Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!\nGary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, \"Yes\" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Yes! Fine! I am someone! You want me to say it? I have doubts! I'm sorry!\nGary: Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nGary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's so sweet.\nGary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I just-I want you to be happy\nPhoebe Buffay: Living with you would make me happy.\nGary: Phoebe, you don't have to say that.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you!\nGary: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in!\nGary: Oh that's great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, which was never!\nRachel Green: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat!\nWoman No. 1: Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!\nRachel Green: It's not a baby! It's a cat!\nWoman No. 1: Eew! It's creepy looking!\nRachel Green: Oh no! No! It's actually-it's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look! Yeah, do you want it?\nWoman No. 1: No, I hate cats.\nRachel Green: Well, so then what are you doing to me? Okay? Just get out of here! All right? Move on!\nWoman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!\nRachel Green: Yes! Thank you! Exactly! You want it?\nWoman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter but... Okay, why not?\nRachel Green: Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000.\nWoman No. 2: What?!\nRachel Green: Okay, a thousand.\nWoman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.\nRachel Green: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.\nWoman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat.\nRachel Green: Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! Damnit! Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?\nRoss Geller: I'm starving!\nMonica Geller: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We invented this game!\nMonica Geller: Please! I made this game what it is.\nChandler Bing: Not fun anymore?\nRoss Geller: I'm still hungry!\nMonica Geller: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?\nRoss Geller: I am!\nMonica Geller: All right! Let's go! Let's go Team Monica! All right, we can work out the name later.\nMonica Geller: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!\nRachel Green: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you get your money back?\nRachel Green: Yeah, 15 hundred dollars.\nMonica Geller: Wow! You made a profit!\nGunther: I just came for the red-velvet pillow.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, there you go.\nGunther: Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime you want.\nRachel Green: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind.\nGunther: Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?\nGary: I really like waking up with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I like waking up with you too. Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. Oh, I can stay here all day.\nGary: That would be great!\nPhoebe Buffay: We could have breakfast in bed...\nGary: Wait, just a second.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh! Oh no.\nMonica Geller: All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good, you're all up.\nRachel Green: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, that's over.\nEveryone: What?!\nChandler Bing: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!\nPhoebe Buffay: He shot a bird!\nChandler Bing: Oh that is over!\nEveryone: That's terrible! I'm sorry!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, are you okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, here Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nah, I don't feel like playing.\nMonica Geller: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!\nEveryone: All right. Okay. I'm starving!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha!\nChandler Bing: You guys wanna eat here?\nEveryone: Yeah! As long as we're here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball around?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long.\nRoss Geller: I know. My arm is killing me.\nRachel Green: No, I meant with the dropper over here.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: What's going on?\nRachel Green: Well, my eye is a little itchy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor.\nRachel Green: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!\nChandler Bing: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!\nMonica Geller: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so Richard, Richard!\nMonica Geller: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.\nRachel Green: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor!\nRoss Geller: Oh God, here we go!\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch!\nRachel Green: Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine-Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?\nEveryone: All right, fine.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I?\nRachel Green: Monica! Come on!\nRoss Geller: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I?\nRachel Green: Ross! Stop it! Come on!\nChandler Bing: How much did I love The King and I?\nRachel Green: Chandler!\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too! Me too! Me too!\nRachel Green: Just stop it! Come on!\nChandler Bing: You okay there man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I got too excited!\nRoss Geller: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!\nRoss Geller: All right, bye!\nMonica Geller: Bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!\nRoss Geller: Later!\nPhoebe Buffay: I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!\nChandler Bing: Wow umm, calm down.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons!\nMonica Geller: Why are so mad at him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?\nMonica Geller: Well, it just seems that...\nPhoebe Buffay: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?\nChandler Bing: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, \"Ross\" on it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears... But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, \"Where's Betsy?\" Right? And she says, \"Betsy's been dead for 10 years.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh-oh, chilling!\nJoey Tribbiani: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! And you know what that means buddy!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I know that means buddy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.\nChandler Bing: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Thanks Pheebs!\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh umm, not go.\nChandler Bing: All right, great, road trip baby! This okay with you?\nMonica Geller: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. You can go.\nChandler Bing: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!\nRachel Green: All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! Ohhh! No! Look what I did! Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!\nMonica Geller: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! Chandler!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey Joey! What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I've been around.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Problem solved!\nPhoebe Buffay: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, back to square one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?\nJoey Tribbiani: Peanut butter!\nPhoebe Buffay: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?\nJoey Tribbiani: A swimmer!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica. Oh... huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.\nPhoebe Buffay: No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ascot!\nPhoebe Buffay: North route or south route?\nJoey Tribbiani: North route!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bamn! There you go! Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this guy again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey man, what's up?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, what do you want to see?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, umm...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, no thank you.\nRoss Geller: What's with her?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you like better action or comedy?\nRoss Geller: Action.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?\nRoss Geller: Dude, you are sick.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! What does that thing do?\nMonica Geller: Oh that's an eye removal machine.\nRachel Green: All right, I'm outta here!\nMonica Geller: I'm kidding! I'm kidding!\nThe Doctor: Hi Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nThe Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.\nRachel Green: So were done then!\nDr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nDr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nDr. Miller: Sit down.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nDr. Miller: But your chin here. Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: A small puff of air, now come on!\nDr. Miller: Here we go.\nRachel Green: All right.\nDr. Miller: 1...2...3!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. Okay.\nDr. Miller: Ready?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nDr. Miller: 1...2...\nMonica Geller: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nDr. Miller: That's okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay!\nDr. Miller: 1...2! Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.\nRachel Green: Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir-Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy!\nDr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.\nRachel Green: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.\nDr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.\nRachel Green: Great!\nDr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.\nRachel Green: Okay, just give me the damn drops!\nMonica Geller: Dr. Miller? P E C F D.\nDr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.\nMonica Geller: I sure do! And you don't get one!\nRachel Green: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.\nMonica Geller: They're still in my coat.\nRachel Green: Damn!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You ready to go?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: I love you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!\nChandler Bing: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.\nChandler Bing: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.\nChandler Bing: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? \"She's been dead for ten years.\" I'm gonna be a millionaire!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it!\nRoss Geller: All right!\nChandler Bing: All right, bye-bye now!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye!\nRachel Green: Bye you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye-bye!\nMonica Geller: I wanna say good-bye at the car!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?\nRachel Green: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.\nJoey Tribbiani: See ya!\nRachel Green: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing!\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? Pheebs? Hello? Phoebe? Phoe-Phoebe! Come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you don't know I can't help you.\nRoss Geller: Well, I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I can't help you.\nRoss Geller: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Apology accepted.\nRoss Geller: Okay. So we're, we're good?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: All right. I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye, fat ass.\nRoss Geller: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know! I don't remember!\nRoss Geller: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.\nChandler Bing: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, it's out there! I think I just need lunch.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna eat? My treat!\nChandler Bing: Isn't that Ross's money?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?\nChandler Bing: I don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?\nChandler Bing: Too dry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?\nChandler Bing: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is this movie gonna be my big break?\nChandler Bing: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude you said, \"No!\"\nChandler Bing: I also said, \"Yes!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?\nChandler Bing: No! Ahhh!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't believe this!\nChandler Bing: Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!\nChandler Bing: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.\nChandler Bing: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not if you're gonna be like this!\nChandler Bing: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!\nChandler Bing: All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Get out!\nChandler Bing: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out!!\nChandler Bing: All right!! Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.\nRoss Geller: Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRoss Geller: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?\nPhoebe Buffay: No that made me feel precious.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Sometimes it's...\nRachel Green: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm the baby.\nRachel Green: Eh! Stop it!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Chandler! What are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!\nEveryone: Why?!\nChandler Bing: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.\nPhoebe Buffay: That game should not be played without my supervision.\nChandler Bing: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie-Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's in the bag?\nChandler Bing: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?\nPhoebe Buffay: I do!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Not even close.\nRachel Green: Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!\nMonica Geller: Okay! All right! Let's do it!\nRachel Green: All right!\nMonica Geller: Sit down.\nRachel Green: All right.\nMonica Geller: Put your head back.\nRachel Green: Yes!\nMonica Geller: All right.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Now, open your eyes.\nRachel Green: Okay, they are.\nMonica Geller: How many fingers am I holding up?\nRachel Green: Four.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, I was thinking four.\nRachel Green: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?\nRachel Green: Okay!\nMonica Geller: No drops!\nRachel Green: Great!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: On three, 1...2...3! Now my pillow's all wet!\nRachel Green: Well, well, you said it was practice!\nMonica Geller: Then why did you move?!\nRachel Green: Because I knew you were lying!\nMonica Geller: All right, come here!\nRachel Green: What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it!\nMonica Geller: I am going... I'm going-Turn it over! I'm... I am going to get these drops in your eyes.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!\nRachel Green: Monica! Stop it!\nMonica Geller: Damn! It's empty!\nRachel Green: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. Or-or Rachel!\nMonica Geller: Hello? It's Joey. I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!\nMonica Geller: What did you do to his sweater vests?\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, dude!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's my grandma. And thanks Joey she's having a really great time.\nChandler Bing: Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering... Okay, I guess he ran out of change.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.\nChandler Bing: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn!\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.\nRoss Geller: Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nRoss Geller: What do you like better flora or fauna?\nPhoebe Buffay: Fauna.\nRoss Geller: Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?\nPhoebe Buffay: Garfunkle.\nRoss Geller: Why are you mad at me?\nPhoebe Buffay: You said I was boring-Ohh!\nRoss Geller: When did I say you were boring?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.\nStanley: Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wh-what?! Why?!\nStanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're kidding right?\nStanley: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nStanley: It-it's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get some more money soon, so if could just uh, hang out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, hang out?! How long?\nStanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?\nJoey Tribbiani: No!\nStanley: Eh, worth a shot. Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay?\nThe Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nThe Grip: These got left for ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Congratulations on your big break.\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica, it's Joey!\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!\nMonica Geller: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.\nThe Husband: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Everybody smile! Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! Kill me. Kill me now.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?\nRachel Green: Yep!\nMonica Geller: Go!!\nRachel Green: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Okay! Okay! We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.\nRachel Green: Oh!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Pheebs? Could you get that? Please?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Just 'cause you're too lazy to get up off your touchie?\nRachel Green: No! No! It's just that all the people in the entire world that I want to talk to are right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nRachel Green: Sucker!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello? Hey Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs! Listen, uh can you do me a favor? I forgot the pin number to my ATM card can, can you get it for me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! Where is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! So you're 5639?!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it! Thanks Pheebs!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Is that Joey?! Let me talk to him!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!\nA Casino Boss: Hey! Tribbiani! Get back to work! Break time's over!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, my stunt double. Yeah, and y'know, he's getting a little too familiar for my tastes.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? I have been trying to apologize to him all week! If he's not gonna let me do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there and do it in person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh Pheebs, I heard that. Can you put him on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't come out here!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no, I've supported you one hundred percent and I want to prove that to you in person!\nJoey Tribbiani: I got that! I forgive ya! Don't come out here!\nChandler Bing: Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls in a week!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm totally over it Chandler. Friends forever! Don't come out here!\nA Tourist: Would you mind doing a picture with us?\nChandler Bing: Uh, what was that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica! I'm sorry I'm late! Monica?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe? Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay. What the hell took you so long?\nMonica Geller: Okay, you can not tell Chandler. Okay? That I ran into Richard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which Richard?\nMonica Geller: The Richard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Okay, that actually makes more sense. So how was it?\nMonica Geller: It was, it was really nice. We started talking and I-I ended up having lunch with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: But again, Simmons. Go on.\nMonica Geller: The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! So now why can't we tell Chandler?\nMonica Geller: Because it would totally freak him out and tomorrow's our anniversary. I just don't want anything to spoil that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I can't believe you guys lasted a whole year!\nMonica Geller: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I owe Rachel 20 bucks!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: On a totally different bet.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: It's almost our anniversary!\nChandler Bing: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nMonica Geller: I got you a present!\nChandler Bing: Oh, but it's not 'til tomorrow!\nMonica Geller: I know, but you have to open it today!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay! There you go! It's two tickets to Vegas!\nChandler Bing: Wow!\nMonica Geller: For this weekend! Oh gosh, it would be perfect, we get to see Joey plus we get to start our anniversary celebration on the plane. We can call it out plane-aversary.\nChandler Bing: Do we have to?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.\nMonica Geller: Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble. Think of how excited he'll be when we go out and surprise him! Plus we get to have our own, ani-Vegas-ary! A-Nevadaversary!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I think we should see other people.\nMonica Geller: But we can go, right?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: It's a great idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna go too!\nChandler Bing: Y'know Pheebs, it's kinda our anniversary.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh please, you are not gonna ditch again like you did with London.\nMonica Geller: Ditch you? Phoebe, you were pregnant with the triplets!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, great story! I'm going!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend we're all gonna go to Las Vegas to surprise Joey! Including me!! You wanna go?!\nRachel Green: Well, I guess I could take a couple days off work.\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course you can take a couple days off work because this trip includes me!\nRachel Green: Oh no, wait a minute, wait, I've got a presentation tomorrow. I can't miss that.\nRoss Geller: Oh, but I've got tickets to the Van Gogh exhibit! I've been waiting like a year for this.\nChandler Bing: Art lover!\nRoss Geller: What'd you say?\nChandler Bing: I said art lover.\nRoss Geller: Is that supposed to be an insult?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, I'm very tired.\nRoss Geller: So Rach, maybe you and I could fly out together Saturday.\nRachel Green: That sounds great.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines.\nRachel Green: Okay. Yeah, that would be nice actually, to have the apartment to myself for a night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, so you can walk around naked.\nRachel Green: No! So I can be by myself. Y'know? Have a little alone time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Naked alone time.\nRachel Green: No! Phoebe just because I'm alone doesn't mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?\nPhoebe Buffay: So, so far is this trip to Vegas better or worse than the trip to London?\nChandler Bing: So it's pretty much the same Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, what about after I give you these candies?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah-ha! Okay, Las Vegas 1, London 0! I'll be right back.\nChandler Bing: Happy plane-aversary.\nMonica Geller: Aww! I love you!\nChandler Bing: Can I give you a present now?\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Oh man! Don't tell me I did this!\nMonica Geller: I love the \"I forgot the present\" fake out!\nChandler Bing: How do you feel about the, \"I really did forgot the present, please forgive me\" not fake out?\nMonica Geller: Oh that's okay. Don't worry about it, you can give it to me when we get back.\nChandler Bing: Ohh that's the worse thing that can happen on an anniversary ever!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.\nChandler Bing: What-what Richard thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no.\nChandler Bing: What Richard thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Simmons! Go with Simmons!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.\nChandler Bing: I'm not mad.\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! Yeah, so you-you bumped into Richard! You grabbed a bite! It's no big deal.\nMonica Geller: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, London 1...\nRachel Green: Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen...naked! I'm picking up an orange. I'm naked! Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokes-Unless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?\nRachel Green: Love to love ya baby! Ow! Love to love ya baby! Ow! Love to love ya, baby! Darnit! Ugh.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: May I come in?\nRachel Green: Uh, yeah, if you want too.\nRoss Geller: Do you want me too?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure?\nRoss Geller: So do I. Okay Rach, before anything happens I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of \"Us.\" Okay? I just want this to be about what it is!\nRachel Green: And um, what-what is that Ross?\nRoss Geller: The physical act of love.\nRachel Green: What?! Are you crazy?\nRoss Geller: Oh so-so you weren't trying to entice me just now with your-your nakedness?\nRachel Green: Oh God, you saw me?! Oh!\nRoss Geller: You weren't trying to entice me with your nakedness.\nRachel Green: Noo!! No! You thought, you actually thought I wanted to have sex with you?!\nRoss Geller: No! No! No! No-no-no-no.\nRachel Green: Ohh wow! I'm sorry, but Ross you kicked off your shoes!\nRoss Geller: Can we, can we just forget this ever happened?\nRachel Green: Yes of course, absolutely! You're right. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Yes.\nRoss Geller: All right I guess I'm, gonna go pack.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh wait! One more thing umm, do-do we still need to uh settle the question of \"us?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys wait! Guys! This place is so much better than London! Okay? This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me a coupon, 99 cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you don't eat animals.\nPhoebe Buffay: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! Oh! Look! Hi!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Joey! Hey! Hey!! Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Love your condoms my man.\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what are you guys doing here? I thought I told you not to come.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why are you dressed as a gladiator?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.\nMonica Geller: Who are you talking too?\nJoey Tribbiani: They uh director. Uhh, her. All right, all right, it's not a gladiator movie. I work here.\nChandler Bing: Why?! What happened?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.\nMonica Geller: I'm so sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. I'm sorry man.\nChandler Bing: No-no, that's okay, apparently there's a new policy where we don't have to share everything with everybody.\nMonica Geller: I knew you were not okay with that.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you're a gladiator! Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what-what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica had lunch with Richard.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dawson?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Noo! But that would've been so cool!\nChandler Bing: No! Her boyfriend Richard!\nMonica Geller: It meant nothing! Okay? After all this time, how can you not trust me?\nChandler Bing: When you go lunching with hunky moustache men and don't tell me about it!\nMonica Geller: You're right. I'm sorry. I should've told you.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, there we go.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love Vegas!\nMonica Geller: I promise you, next time I will absolutely tell you.\nChandler Bing: Next time?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, so close.\nChandler Bing: There's not gonna be a next time! You can not ever see him again!\nMonica Geller: I can not see him? I mean, you can't tell me what to do!\nChandler Bing: That's so funny, because I think I just did!\nMonica Geller: Oh y'know what? If you're gonna be acting like this all night, I really, I don't even want to be around you.\nChandler Bing: Fine with me!\nMonica Geller: Fine! Happy Anniversary!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding.\nMonica Geller: No it is not!\nChandler Bing: What are you talking...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey don't look at me! I just work here!\nRachel Green: Okay umm, Ross? I'm-I'm really warm, so I'm going to be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know that this is not an invitation to the physical act of love.\nRoss Geller: Yep! That's hilarious!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm done.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, last night was embarrassing for you too.\nRachel Green: No, not really. I mean you've seen me naked hundreds of times.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. But it was a first for the rest of my building.\nRachel Green: Okay. All right, that's true! But y'know I just don't embarrass that easily.\nRoss Geller: What?! You totally get embarrassed!\nRachel Green: No, I don't! Ross, I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.\nRoss Geller: Is that so?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Hey lady! I don't care how much you want it! Okay?! I am not gonna to have sex with you in the bathroom!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure! Sure! They would uh, they would scrub the floors with it! They would use it to get the mud off their shoe. And sometimes underneath the horse would get dirty so they would stick it right...\nChandler Bing: Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right well, I'll take you someplace nice then. Look! A guy tipped me a hundred bucks today.\nChandler Bing: Whoa!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, he was playing blackjack for like an hour and he won $5,000. Can you believe that? $5,000!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!\nChandler Bing: Good luck!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler! I don't need luck. I have thought this through!\nChandler Bing: I see.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know Monica you had a minor setback in your relationship with Chandler. Big deal! It's only Chandler. I am so sorry.\nMonica Geller: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.\nPhoebe Buffay: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! Yeah! Las Vegas, number one!\nMonica Geller: Anybody lose this?\nThe Croupier: Comin' out. Place your bet. Dice are out. Double or nothin'! Pay the front line!\nMonica Geller: Hmm.\nGuy: So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom.\nRachel Green: Yeah, all right. All right! Just keep walkin'! All right?\nRachel Green: Ross! What are you... I'm sorry sir. I just, I think he just really likes you.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Y'know that teacher who had a baby with her student?\nRoss Geller: What the? What...\nRachel Green: Hi!\nThe Flight Attendant: Miss? May I help you?\nRachel Green: Yes, I'm sorry. Do you have any extra pants? Umm, my friend seems to have had a little accident.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I change a hundred?\nBlackjack Dealer: Changing one hundred! Good luck sir.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's ride.\nBlackjack Dealer: 13.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me! Ohh man! Wait!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: My identical hand twin!\nChandler Bing: What's an identical hand twin?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!\nChandler Bing: Are you sure you weren't looking at your hands in a mirror?\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you see what this means?! I can forget about that stupid movie. I'm gonna be a millionaire!\nChandler Bing: How?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I don't have it all worked out yet, but it's gotta mean big money! Come on! Identical hands!\nChandler Bing: Again I must go back to, how?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand twice? Huh?\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I-I can't really put a price on that Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, are you unsupporting me again?\nChandler Bing: No! No! I support you 100%! I just didn't, I didn't get it right away. Y'know now I'm caught up! Identical hand twins! It's a million-dollar idea!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: I found my identical hand twin!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, you are so lucky! Hey! So, where's Monica? Did you guys make up?\nChandler Bing: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: But she just came up here!\nChandler Bing: That was Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: I wonder where she is. That is so weird.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, she's probably talking to Richard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Now, she feels terrible! She really wants to make up! You gotta find her.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. I should really start wearing hats!\nThe Flight Attendant: Welcome to Las Vegas.\nThe Flight Attendant: Thank you! Enjoy your flight?\nRachel Green: Yes, I did. Thank you very much, it was excellent.\nThe Flight Attendant: Hope you had a nice flight.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, it was the best!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: I think the check in is that way.\nRachel Green: Ahh.\nRachel Green: Hello! Ohh, kids love me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys are here! Yay!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? and you're Bob Saget.\nRachel Green: Pancho Vila?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: What are you talking about Pheebs? I don't... Oh my God, you drew on me?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you wet my pants!\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa, what kind of party was this?\nRachel Green: Ross, I have been walking around like this since the plane! I can-you have so crossed a line.\nRoss Geller: Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh!\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.\nRoss Geller: Oooohhh, I'll bet she's one of those people.\nPhoebe Buffay: M-M-Mole people?\nRoss Geller: What? No-no, a lurker.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. What's a lurker?\nRoss Geller: Okay when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then...\nPhoebe Buffay: Kills you?\nRoss Geller: No. They swoop in and steal your jackpot.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh!\nRoss Geller: Uh-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: How do you know about this?\nRoss Geller: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dance-karate lessons.\nPhoebe Buffay: Dance karate?\nRoss Geller: Yes, it's a deadly but beautiful sport.\nRachel Green: All right, it won't come off!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: It won't come off!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Rach-Rach, are-are-are you sure?\nRachel Green: No, actually I took it off then I drew it back on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey you made it!\nRoss Geller: Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Hey-hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's your friend? He's hot!\nRoss Geller: Thanks man.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey listen I uh, talked to Chandler, sorry about the movie.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!\nRoss Geller: Your what?\nJoey Tribbiani: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!\nRoss Geller: What?! That's not gonna make you any money!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Well, if that's how you feel about it, fine! None of you get to live with me in my great big hand-shaped mansion! Except uh, you Pheebs. You can live in the thumb.\nMonica Geller: All right baby, come on! Yes! Yes! I am on fire!\nChandler Bing: See you later Mon.\nMonica Geller: Wait Chandler, what are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: What does it look like? I'm going home.\nMonica Geller: What? Wait! Why? Chandler! Chandler! Wait! I'm sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!\nChandler Bing: Come on! I was there! I know he's the love of your life.\nMonica Geller: Not any more.\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Really! All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. Okay, this is empty.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, hey. Where's the other guy?\nThe Woman Dealer: Which guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: He's kinda tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this. See?\nThe Woman Dealer: I don't know about the hands, but the guy that was here before me just went to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! How you doin'?\nThe Woman Dealer: Very busy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right! Okay.\nRoss Geller: Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. A beard and a moustache. Thank you. No, she didn't think so. I know it's like anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh! Okay. Okay, thank you! Yeah, it's not coming off.\nRachel Green: What?! What else did he say?\nRoss Geller: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So... Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.\nRachel Green: Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this!\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on! Rach, it's-it's not that bad.\nRachel Green: Ross, I am a human doodle!!\nRoss Geller: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! There are tons...of...freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!\nRoss Geller: Okay, there was some staring and pointing.\nRachel Green: Okay, I need a, I need a drink!\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey y'know, they-they really overcharge you for that stuff. But who cares?! Because it's all on me! That is, one big drink!\nRachel Green: Macadamia nut?\nRoss Geller: Umm... Wow! That's-that's some pricey nut!\nRachel Green: Hm-mmm!\nRoss Geller: Really like those Macadamia nuts, huh?\nRachel Green: Nope!\nPhoebe Buffay: Get out of here you lurker! Go on! Get!\nChandler Bing: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! You made up!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I couldn't be mad at him for too long.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, get a room.\nMonica Geller: We have one.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. Use it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh-oh, yeah! That's right, you take good care of those babies!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's me, Joey!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Do I know you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Oh-ho, yeah. Yeah, the hand guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Nothing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay? We have to do something with it. Like-like, hand modeling! Huh? Or-or magic! And you know NASA's gonna wanna talk to us!\nJoey's Hand Twin: I have to get back to...\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!\nJoey's Hand Twin: That's okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you haven't even heard the chorus!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, I'm starting to look like my great aunt, Muriel.\nRoss Geller: All right. Y'know what? We don't have to go downstairs! We can bring Vegas up to us! All right, come on, come on, we'll play some blackjack. Here we go. 13.\nRachel Green: Hit me!\nRoss Geller: Oohh, 23. Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars!\nRachel Green: I bet 20.\nRoss Geller: You're right!\nMonica Geller: A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man! Yes!\nChandler Bing: Yes! I've-I've never seen a roll like this in my life!\nMonica Geller: That's right baby! Okay, what do I want now?\nChandler Bing: Okay, ah umm, ah, a 8. Ah, a 6?\nMonica Geller: Pick a number! That is your only job!\nChandler Bing: 8. 8!\nMonica Geller: Thank you!\nChandler Bing: If you get this one, we buy everybody here a steak dinner!\nEveryone: Yay!!\nThe Croupier: 8!\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nEveryone: Yay!!\nMonica Geller: We're not really gonna buy these people steak dinners are we?\nChandler Bing: Noo!\nMonica Geller: Okay, good! Okay, what do I want now?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, ooh, try a hard 8.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Two fours.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nThe Croupier: 8!:\nA Drunken Gambler: Don't you let her go! You're a lucky guy!\nChandler Bing: Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! Wait-wait-wait-wait! We get the biggest suite in the place.\nMonica Geller: All right, biggest suite in the place. Come on!\nChandler Bing: Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's because I had lunch with Rich-Me neither! Okay, what do I want now?\nChandler Bing: Another hard 8.\nMonica Geller: Hard 8?! We should call it easy 8!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; and we get married here tonight.\nDrunken Gambler: Go! Come on! Roll!\nEveryone: Roll-roll!!\nMonica Geller: Shut up!! It just got interesting!\nMonica Geller: What did you just say?\nChandler Bing: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.\nMonica Geller: Are you serious?!\nChandler Bing: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.\nMonica Geller: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Come on! Let's go! All right!\nChandler Bing: Okay! That's a four! And where-where's the other one?\nDrunken Gambler: It went under the table.\nMonica Geller: Nobody move! Okay, you look that way; I'll look this way!\nChandler Bing: All right!\nChandler Bing: Here it is! Here it is!\nMonica Geller: That could be a four or a five. It's your call.\nChandler Bing: It's a four.\nMonica Geller: I think so too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, lost again. That's it! You and me, outside!\nThe Lurker: I don't want to see you lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!\nPhoebe Buffay: Be cool! Okay lady, your lurking days are over!\nThe Lurker: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, from now on everyone you lurk, I'm gonna lurk first! You move on to someone else, I'm gonna be one step ahead of you, every single time! And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day 'til Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?\nThe Lurker: Also Monday.\nPhoebe Buffay: What time? Maybe we can share a cab!\nRachel Green: Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me.\nRoss Geller: We need more cards.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. Whup, okay. Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!\nRoss Geller: That must be our alcohol and beers!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey!\nRachel Green: Ohh, I love Joey! Joey lives with a duck!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!\nRoss Geller: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! Hey Rach, how you doin'?\nRachel Green: I'm doin' good, baby. How you doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, don't let her drink anymore!\nRoss Geller: Ohh, here's that Macadamia nut!\nRachel Green: Ohhh!!\nRoss Geller: Nope! Something else.\nRachel Green: Oops! All right, so what do you want to do now?\nRoss Geller: I wanna get out of the room! Y'know, I...I really miss downstairs.\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? There's only one way I'm leaving this hotel room.\nRoss Geller: Well hello! I'm Ross!\nRachel Green: Good luck to ya!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me sir, you've got a little something right here.\nRachel Green: Wow!\nRoss Geller: Hello!\nRachel Green: Hello!\nPhoebe Buffay: I won! I won! I finally won!\nThe Lurker: I won! That was my quarter!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! Here! Take a hike toots!\nThe Lurker: Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money.\nThe Security Guard: Is that true miss?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sells drugs to kids.\nThe Security Guard: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: She sells drugs to kids.\nThe Lurker: It was my quarter!\nThe Security Guard: Was it her quarter?\nPhoebe Buffay: How about we talk about this over dinner?\nThe Security Guard: Okay lady, you're out of here.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, you can't arrest me! No!! I won't go back! I won't go back to that hell hole!!\nThe Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay, come on, I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.\nChandler Bing: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.\nMonica Geller: You're so efficient. I love you!\nChandler Bing: Let's go!\nMonica Geller: No-no-no! We need something old!\nChandler Bing: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.\nMonica Geller: That'll work!\nChandler Bing: I don't think so.\nMonica Geller: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!\nChandler Bing: Here just...take this.\nMonica Geller: That's stealing!\nChandler Bing: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.\nMonica Geller: Ohh.\nChandler Bing: Okay, one thing at a time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Are you gonna play?\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, I don't really have any money. Not yet, anyway...\nJoey's Hand Twin: You can't sit here if you're not gonna play.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh-ho-ho!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.\nJoey's Hand Twin: 14.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands! They're identical! Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.\nJoey's Hand Twin: Stop it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, Ms. Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at-at this table?\nJoey's Hand Twin: Please stop it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of a uh, entertainment venue?\nJoey's Hand Twin: If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it too you!\nThe Security Guard: Didn't I just throw you out of here?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you threw out Phoebe. I'm Ms. Regina Phalange. Phalange!\nThe Security Guard: Come on, lady!\nJoey's Hand Twin: Please, please take him too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me?! Oh come on, man! You can't do this! Come on! I'm your hand twin!!\nChandler Bing: Hello! One marriage please!\nMonica Geller: Yep, we wanna get married!\nThe Attendant: Well, there's a service in progress. Have a seat.\nChandler Bing: Dum! Dum-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Dum! Dum-dum-dum!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's The Wedding March. Does, does that freak you out?\nMonica Geller: No, only because that's the graduation song.\nChandler Bing: Okay! This is it! We're gonna get married!\nMonica Geller: Are you sure you wanna do this?\nRoss Geller: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross!\nRachel Green: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel!\nRachel Green: Wait! Okay!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Okay! This is it! We're gonna get married!\nMonica Geller: Are you sure you wanna do this?\nRoss Geller: Well, hello, Mrs. Ross!\nRachel Green: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel!\nRachel Green: Wait! Okay!\nMonica Geller: Whoa!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Pheebs! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Okay! Okay!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!\nAttendant: N-No running in the chapel!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Don't you give me any of your-Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What are you guys doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isn't that why you guys are here?\nChandler Bing: Yes! Well that-yes.\nMonica Geller: Why else would we be here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well! What happened?! Did we miss it?\nChandler Bing: We actually missed it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe you wouldn't have had you run in the chapel!\nMonica Geller: This is insane!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's the big deal, y'know? It's not like it's a real marriage.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas you're married everywhere.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!-Eh! Well...\nRachel Green: Ohhh!\nRoss Geller: Why are we in bed together?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Do-do you have any clothes on?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Really?!\nRoss Geller: No! But we-we didn't have...sex-uh, did we? I mean, I don't remember much about last night, it was such a blur.\nRachel Green: Oh! I remember laughing! I laughed a lot.\nRoss Geller: And we didn't have sex.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I mean, we were really drunk. I'm just glad we didn't do anything stupid.\nRoss Geller: Tell me about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mornin' Pheebs. Well, my movie has officially been canceled.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Joey, I'm so sorry. You want some of my breakfast?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah, I'm too depressed to eat. I'll probably eat in like 5 minutes. So I guess I'll just fly home with you guys, what time's your flight?\nPhoebe Buffay: What about my cab?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't need that anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, Joey! You borrowed my cab; you have to drive it back.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. Oh-ooh! How about you come with me?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, it's such a long trip.\nJoey Tribbiani: It'll be great! We-we could talk, and play games! Huh? This could be our chance to like renew our friendship.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you asking me to have a frenaissance?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Although I don't think we need one, I never stopped loving you.\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-hmm, yeah. They left me a message; they should be here any minute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where is the waitress?! I'm starving!\nChandler Bing: It's a buffet man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!\nChandler Bing: Listen, I gotta talk to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! What's up?\nChandler Bing: Monica and I almost got married last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! That's huge! Wait a minute, why come I wasn't invited? And who was going to be your best man? Don't say, \"Ross.\" Do not say, \"Ross.\"\nChandler Bing: Look, I just don't think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Y'know? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Y'know? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Tell her she's not marriage material.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if she's anything like me, she's just gonna be relieved.\nMonica Geller: How do I tell Chandler that it's too soon. It's gonna break his heart, he's not gonna think that I don't love him anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you don't.\nMonica Geller: Yes I do!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good! Good! I was just testing you.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Oh hi! Hi! Y'know, we were just talking about bacon.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we were talking about tennis. Tennis is more believable.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nThe Girls: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night? Or...\nRachel Green: I don't know. What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh! Ross invited us all to watch.\nMonica Geller: Rach! We weren't gonna miss our friends getting married!\nRachel Green: Who got married?!\nChandler Bing: You did.\nRoss Geller: What?! Hello! We didn't get married.\nRachel Green: No, we didn't get married! That's ridiculous!\nRoss Geller: We-we-we-I remember being in a chapel.\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: I-They would not let us get married when we were that drunk!\nRachel Green: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: They let you get married when you're drunk! Most people who get married in Vegas are drunk!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hell, I'm drunk right now! What? I can't have a mimosa with breakfast?! I'm on vacation!\nMonica Geller: What are you guys gonna do?\nRachel Green: Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer?\nChandler Bing: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third one's free.\nRoss Geller: Laugh it up, but the joke's on you. Because we don't need to get divorced, okay? We we're just gonna get an annulment.\nJoey Tribbiani: An annulment? Ross! I don't think surgery's the answer here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh-oh, that's your thing.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You're thing. You're thing. Y'know? You're the guy who gets divorced.\nEveryone: Oh yeah!\nRoss Geller: No-no, that's-that's not my thing! I do not love getting divorced!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much you're probably gonna marry it! Then it won't work out and you're gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. I'm so drunk.\nMonica Geller: So, what do you think we should do?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. But I-I-I know I love you!\nMonica Geller: I know I love you!\nChandler Bing: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.\nMonica Geller: That's a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!\nChandler Bing: Yes, we don't get married unless there's a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight then there's a definite sign that we should get married.\nMonica Geller: All right, eight we get married, but 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 we don't get married.\nChandler Bing: Sounds great.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nCroupler: Coming in, we got a shooter! Money please.\nMonica Geller: Ready?\nChandler Bing: Ready!\nMonica Geller: Come on eight.\nChandler Bing: Yes, yes eight.\nCroupler: Eight! Easy eight.\nMonica Geller: Wow! I can't believe I actually rolled an eight.\nChandler Bing: That was so unlikely. Well, let's get married! I guess.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute. That wasn't a hard eight! Last night I rolled a hard eight.\nChandler Bing: That's right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!\nMonica Geller: I wanted it so bad! Wanna go pack?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. We're doing the right thing, right?\nMonica Geller: Ohh, of course we are! We left it up to fate. If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. Come on Joey! You can't win if you don't ask any QUESTIONS!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you promised me a fun road trip! We've been on the road six hours and you've been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radio's broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? I don't...\nPhoebe Buffay: Sing!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I wanna rock and roll all night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No!\nHitchhiker: Morning!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, hubby!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Yeah, actually um, I wanted to talk to you about that whole annulment thing?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: I'm not going to do that.\nRachel Green: Okay! So, we'll just stay married.\nRoss Geller: Yes, exactly!\nRachel Green: And I will make everyone call me Mrs. Geller!\nRoss Geller: Wow! This is so amazing. I uh, I really thought I'd have to talk you into this more.\nRachel Green: Okay, see now I'm scared because I don't actually think you're kidding.\nRoss Geller: I'm-I'm not kidding. Look I-I, I can't have three failed marriages. I can't. Okay? I-I am not gonna be that guy!\nRachel Green: What-wh-what so we'll just stay married forever?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! It's right next to it!\nRachel Green: Ohh, okay, I'm sorry. You're right. Y'know what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what you're asking of me.\nRoss Geller: I'm asking you to do me a favor.\nRachel Green: You are asking me to be your wife!\nRoss Geller: And as my wife I think you should grant me this favor.\nMonica Geller: That kid really kicked me hard on the plane.\nChandler Bing: Well you did pull his hair.\nMonica Geller: He took my snack!\nChandler Bing: I'm not getting into this again!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Oh God, y'know what? It's really bad.\nChandler Bing: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. There. Okay.\nMonica Geller: This doesn't mean anything, does it?\nChandler Bing: No!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape-, a rapist or a killer or something!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you think I asked him that before he got in?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what? I'm not talking to you! You go back to sleep! And you, are you a rapist?!\nHitchhiker: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you like car games?\nHitchhiker: Yeah, y'know the license plate game?\nPhoebe Buffay: I love the license plate game!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, I'll play! I'll play!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. We register, and you get to keep all the presents!\nRachel Green: No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.\nRoss Geller: I don't know if it's true.\nRachel Green: Oh b-b-but it is!\nRoss Geller: Oh, okay, y'know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage...\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the world's worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!\nRoss Geller: All right. All right, I'll do it.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Hey-hey umm, uh, is there, is there any such thing as an annulment shower?\nHitchhiker: Wait! Wait! There is the train station!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay.\nHitchhiker: This is where I get off. Well, I have your address and phone number.\nPhoebe Buffay: And I have your name and the fact that you're a drifter, so the ball's pretty much in your court.\nHitchhiker: All right, see ya Pheebs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Pheebs! I can't take this anymore! Let-let me make it up to you. Huh? Ground control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Stop it! Stop it no! That's not fair! Y'know I can't resist that beautiful voice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, I am so sorry! I know I promised you a fun road trip with your friend and I didn't deliver. But-but-but now I know that you think being awake is an important part of friendship! So, so, so I will strive to-to stay awake for as long as I know you.\nPhoebe Buffay: You can still sleep at night and stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? I've got a really good one! I've been thinking about it since Kansas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Is it a kind of hot sandwich?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it a meatball sub?\nJoey Tribbiani: That is incredible! You are the master!\nRachel Green: Huh, that's funny. You look like you're gonna be the...\nMonica Geller: No, don't say it! Don't even think it!\nRachel Green: All right. Okay Chandler, enjoy your handful.\nChandler Bing: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Y'know? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.\nMonica Geller: I'm sick of the signs! It's too fast, I'm happy the way things are!\nChandler Bing: Me too!\nMonica Geller: I don't want things to change! Do you?\nChandler Bing: No!\nMonica Geller: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because it's been three days and it's driving me insane!\nChandler Bing: Jeez, relax! It's not like we're mar-ah-ah!!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?\nMonica Geller: Then all your stuff would be here.\nChandler Bing: Well, what if all my stuff was here?\nMonica Geller: Then you'd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn't make any sense.\nChandler Bing: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I'm saying?\nMonica Geller: Live together? There have been no signs for that.\nChandler Bing: Me asking is kind of a sign.\nMonica Geller: YES!!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Okay!!!!!\nMonica Geller: Yes! Okay! Okay! Wait-wait-wait!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Here's your key\nChandler Bing: Oh thanks.\nMonica Geller: Here's your key. All right, you have to christen it! Now, go out and come back in!\nChandler Bing: The door hasn't been locked in five years, but okay! Ready?!\nMonica Geller: Ready!\nChandler Bing: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I can't get in!\nMonica Geller: Wait! Oh my God! I can't get out!\nChandler Bing: This is not a sign!\nMonica Geller: No, it's not a sign! It's a very old key!\nChandler Bing: It's an old key!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God it's old!\nChandler Bing: I love you!\nMonica Geller: I love you!\nChandler Bing: Are you hugging the door right now.\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Yeah-yeah, me neither.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, so did everything go all right with the annulment?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, no problems. It's all taken care of.\nRachel Green: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, why not?\nRachel Green: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: No thanks, I've already seen one.\nRachel Green: Okay, umm, I'm gonna get my sweater.\nRoss Geller: Okay. You uh, you wanna hear something weird?\nPhoebe Buffay: Always.\nRoss Geller: I didn't get the annulment.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: We're still married! Don't tell Rachel. See you later.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: The key's stuck in the lock.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can fix it. Hold on. Look out. Look out.\nChandler Bing: It still doesn't work.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not finished.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Nice job Joe! You're quite the craftsmen."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, no problems. It's all taken care of.\nRachel Green: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, why not?\nRachel Green: Okay, umm, I'm gonna get my sweater.\nRoss Geller: Okay. You uh, you wanna hear something weird?\nPhoebe Buffay: Always.\nRoss Geller: I didn't get the annulment.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: We're still married! Don't tell Rachel. See you later.\nRoss Geller: Hey, do you have any gum?\nRachel Green: Oh? Yeah! Sure!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?\nRachel Green: Oh but Phoebe, we're gonna be late for the movie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, there's a cab! Taxi!! Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go.\nRachel Green: Yeah, we're, we're actually just gonna walk 'cause it's right up there at the Angelica.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! You didn't get the annulment?!!\nRoss Geller: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross?!\nRoss Geller: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyer's office all I could hear was, \"Three divorces. Three divorces!\" Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Y'know? Mine's gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.\nRoss Geller: Look, all I know is I-I can't have another failed marriage!\nPhoebe Buffay: So okay what? You're gonna be married to a girl who doesn't even know about it?!-Op, woman! Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Well, okay so, I don't have it all worked out quite yet. Just don't say anything to Rachel, please?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel is one of my closest friends. Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!\nRachel Green: Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach!\nRachel Green: What was that?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?\nRachel Green: I haven't seen it yet!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then you'd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go!\nRachel Green: Noooooooo!!\nChandler Bing: Y'know when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?\nMonica Geller: Of course! Joey wouldn't let you have one?\nChandler Bing: No. When it comes to sweets, he's surprisingly strict.\nMonica Geller: Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him you're moving out?\nChandler Bing: No, no, I keep trying, y'know? I can get out, \"Joey, I have too...\" but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, \"...go to the bathroom.\" He may think I'm sick.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I really have to tell Rachel, but I... We just have to get it over with! Y'know, the next time we see them we're just gonna tell them. Okay? That's it.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so that's this is gonna work now? You're just gonna order me around all the time?\nMonica Geller: Pretty much.\nChandler Bing: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey man, you feeling any better?\nMonica Geller: Joey, we have something to tell you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! You're pregnant!\nChandler Bing: No-o-o! No? No-o-o! Look Joey, here's the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, I'm gonna be moving out man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Well, uh... Hey! I'm really happy for you guys! Congratulations! See you later.\nMonica Geller: Wait! Joey! Joey! Are you okay?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. Like you'd believe that. This sucks!\nChandler Bing: Look, I-I'm just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up I'm moving right back in with you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if you're gonna be moving in with him I feel it's my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? He's a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm... Oh-oh he always, he always umm-Oh, who am I kidding! He's the best roommate ever!\nMonica Geller: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey, have you seen Rachel?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, why?\nMonica Geller: I have some pretty exciting news!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're pregnant!\nMonica Geller: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's Good! Wow! But Now If You Were Pregnant, What Would You Name It? Hint Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What's up?\nMonica Geller: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend...shaking up. Oh, that's great. That's great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Guys, I'm happy too.\nMonica Geller: Okay, come here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled...\nMonica Geller: Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesn't seem so bad?\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel... Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!\nRoss Geller: Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebody's stairs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, it's not that big a deal! So you'll been divorced three times, you'll still have a life, you'll go on dates...\nRoss Geller: No! No, I won't! I'll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, you're being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know that's really fair. Y'know? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, I'll show you! Come here.\nRoss Geller: What?! Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldn't you date him?\nRoss Geller: And if you wait right here, I'll go get Ross.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Ugh, I thought you were Rachel!\nChandler Bing: What gave me away?\nMonica Geller: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and she's the only one left!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so that's it, everybody knows! It's official, we're moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Wow that was my scariest voice! You're very brave.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: Ugh, the worse day! Y'know, you think you're making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.\nChandler Bing: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. Seriously.\nRachel Green: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!\nChandler Bing: Well, I-I still think you're very-very nice and very pretty...\nRachel Green: What?\nChandler Bing: All yours babe.\nMonica Geller: Have a seat. Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! That's so great! I'm so happy for you guys!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nRachel Green: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!\nMonica Geller: Yes, we are.\nRachel Green: And Chandler, you're gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel can't be late.\nChandler Bing: Rach...\nMonica Geller: Yeah, he's gonna work on that.\nRachel Green: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God... Come and knock on my door...\nMonica Geller: We'll be waiting for you...\nRoss Geller: ...once you know the stories, it's not that bad. First marriage, wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn't allow you to get married when you're that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada's fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldn't be interested? Who wouldn't want to date him?\nStephanie: Well the divorces don't bother me, I'd date him. But, not while he's still married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, what about you? Wouldn't you want a date?\nKarin: Actually, I'm dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like y'know bad for me, so until I work that out...\nPhoebe Buffay: Whatever! What about you Meg?\nMeg: Well, I don't care about the divorces either, but I wouldn't date him. It's just that he's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: She said, \"He's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.\"\nRoss Geller: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.\nRoss Geller: We were drunk! I would've married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!!\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just don't want to be divorced three times.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and now he's using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, \"Well done!\" Bravo Meg.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-I'll go to my lawyer's office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth-Nothing!!\nMeg: Okay now I wouldn't date you because you seem a little creepy.\nKarin: I am so attracted to him right now.\nChandler Bing: Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?\nMonica Geller: Soon! I-I just couldn't before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldn't do that to her, she's my best friend!\nChandler Bing: Well, Joey's my best friend.\nMonica Geller: I'm not your best friend?\nChandler Bing: You just said... Of course you're my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?\nMonica Geller: All right, all right, at least I'm prepared.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Oh yes.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey!\nMonica Geller: These aren't for you! Are you upset?\nChandler Bing: I am now!\nRachel Green: Hey roomie!\nChandler Bing: Okay, bye!\nMonica Geller: Rach, there's something uh, important I have to tell you.\nRachel Green: Are you pregnant?!\nMonica Geller: No! But, I'm throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.\nRachel Green: Um-hmm.\nMonica Geller: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh, that's funny, I can't believe I did that.\nMonica Geller: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasn't clear! I'm really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? There's absolutely no rush.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Don't you want a cookie?\nRachel Green: Sure? Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Maybe, do you need a tissue?\nRachel Green: Monica, where did you get these?!\nMonica Geller: I made them!\nRachel Green: Ooh, good God, they're so yummy!\nJoey Tribbiani: God, it's gonna so weird like when I come home and you're not here. Y'know? No more Joey and Chan's. No more J and C's. \"You wanna go over to Joey and Chandler's?\" \"Can't, its not there.\"\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah but we won't be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.\nChandler Bing: Not once did we do that.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nMonica Geller: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? Well, how'd she take it?\nMonica Geller: Really well. Yeah. Surprisingly well. Yeah, she didn't cry. She wasn't angry or sad.\nChandler Bing: And you're upset because you didn't make your best friend cry?\nMonica Geller: I mean, all I'm asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Don't I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! It's like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channie's!!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?!\nRussell: You got married again.\nRoss Geller: Yes.\nRussell: So that's your second marriage in two years.\nRoss Geller: Yes, second in two years. Third overall.\nRussell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why don't you tell me what happened.\nRoss Geller: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk...\nRussell: I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel who's name you said at the altar in the second marriage?\nRoss Geller: Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.\nRussell: Oh, that's better then.\nRoss Geller: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.\nRussell: I see. Have you considered therapy?\nRoss Geller: I think just the annulment for today.\nRussell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.\nRoss Geller: Easy.\nRussell: And we'll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.\nRoss Geller: No problem.\nRussell: And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.\nRoss Geller: Ooh! There's no way to do this without her? 'Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.\nRussell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.\nRoss Geller: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? I will think about the therapy.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey. So um, I was thinking that maybe we should start dividing up our stuff.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, what about this? Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I don't know if I want it because it might be y'know, too many memories!\nRachel Green: What the hell is that?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.\nRachel Green: Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate!\nMonica Geller: Something to remember me by!\nRachel Green: Mon, honey you're not dying. I'm just moving out. Y'know, I mean we're gonna see each other all the time.\nMonica Geller: But still, it's a big change. The end of an era, you might say!\nRachel Green: Are you okay? You're not blinking.\nMonica Geller: I'm fine! I just, I'm thinking how much it's an end of era.\nRachel Green: Oh, all right. But y'know I gotta say, I don't, I don't think six years counts as an era.\nMonica Geller: An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasn't significant to you!\nRachel Green: What is the matter with you?!\nMonica Geller: What is the matter with you?!! Why aren't you more upset?! Aren't you gonna be sad that we're not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean aren't you gonna miss me at all?!\nRachel Green: All right, fine, but don't get mad at me. It's-it's just a little hard to believe.\nMonica Geller: What's hard to believe?\nRachel Green: Well y'know, it's you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Y'know? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess I'm not upset because I don't see you guys going through with it. I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, it's going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.\nRachel Green: But I...\nMonica Geller: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isn't something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.\nRachel Green: It is? Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, sweetie.\nRachel Green: I mean we're not, we're not gonna live together anymore?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: What? Oh my God! I'm gonna miss you so much!\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna miss you!\nRachel Green: I mean it's the end of an era!\nMonica Geller: I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, bye!\nRoss Geller: Oh no.\nPhoebe Buffay: So? Did you get the annulment?\nRoss Geller: I couldn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: I knew it! Because you love Rachel.\nRoss Geller: It's not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, complicated 'cause of the love.\nRoss Geller: I... I do, I do not love Rachel. I'm gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?\nPhoebe Buffay: I've never been more convinced of your love for her.\nRoss Geller: I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?!\nRoss Geller: Ohh, what's wrong?!\nRachel Green: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.\nRoss Geller: Oh my-Come here! Come here! It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Of course.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh we do, but not just yet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?! Well, when?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won't work out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. Then, I'm gonna marry Chandler for the money and you'll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: But then we ditch those two and that's when we get married. We'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel's drinking problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh, what about Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! What are yo-you trying to kill me?!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I wanna ask you something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, what?\nRachel Green: Well since I'm movin' out and-and you're so beautiful...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nRachel Green: ...how about I move in with you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?\nMonica Geller: Who's Denise?\nPhoebe Buffay: My roommate.\nRachel Green: You have a roommate?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, Denise. Denise!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?\nChandler Bing: Pheebs, I don't understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know anything about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin' uh, I'm gonna have an extra room over at my place...\nRachel Green: Oh, that's true.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursday's right?\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah I think I'm gonna find my own place.\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursday's was just our thing man!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?\nRoss Geller: Oh, that. Umm, she took it really well.\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't tell her did you?\nRoss Geller: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course not, because you're in love with her.\nRoss Geller: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didn't tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you mean, comforted her?\nRoss Geller: It's nothing, I just gave her a hug.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!\nRoss Geller: It's also a sign of friendship.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson.\nRoss Geller: It was a hug!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair?\nRoss Geller: S-s-smell her hair? What if I did?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ninety percent of a women's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why, that's why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! Oh come on Ross, you're a scientist.\nRoss Geller: I was hugging her as a friend. It's not my fault her-her hair got in my face, she's got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh...coconutty. What?! Oh, that doesn't mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachel's not in the same place you are.\nRoss Geller: If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I didn't understand that, but y'know, maybe that's 'cause you were speaking the secret language of love!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Dude, some guy just called for you.\nChandler Bing: Who was it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! How about, \"Thanks for taking the message.\" Jeez!\nMonica Geller: Okay listen, y'know when you move in Rachel's room is gonna be empty, you wanna talk about what we want to do with it?\nChandler Bing: Sure!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on them all the time! And we could have a roll top desk with comment cards on them so people could say how much they loved staying here!! Okay, whatever, I really haven't thought about it that much.\nChandler Bing: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, y'know? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Okay so you mean no as in, \"Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Let's discuss it before we reject it completely.\"\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Of course I mean that. Interesting idea, umm, talk about it, but no.\nChandler Bing: So, that's it?\nMonica Geller: I just don't think arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques.\nChandler Bing: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! It's the oldest game!\nMonica Geller: What do you have against the beautiful guest room?\nChandler Bing: I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!\nMonica Geller: Are you mocking me?\nChandler Bing: No, I'm not mocking you, or you beautiful guest room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what's up?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you're still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today.\nChandler Bing: \"Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly.\" Nice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? I just figured y'know, after living with you it'd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, y'know? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone who's different than me. And what's more different than me; a guy who's not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? Not just a hat rack my friend!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I have to ask you...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhhhhh! I'm swamped right now.\nRachel Green: You're just staring into space.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I'm trying to move that pencil.\nRachel Green: This one?\nPhoebe Buffay: It worked!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; \"Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly.\" It's just, there is nothing! The city's full!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, no, look at this! \"Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay...\" Oh, yeah, but it's on the ground floor.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Why?\nRoss Geller: Okay, there's this guy, Warren, from the museum and he's going on a dig for like two years and he's got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh, you interested?\nRachel Green: That sounds great! I'd love to live at Warren's!! I love Warren! Thank you!\nRoss Geller: Don't thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization. Here's Warren's number.\nRachel Green: Oh, this is great! I am gonna call him right now! Oh, thank you!\nRoss Geller: Okay, you go grab it!\nPhoebe Buffay: I saw it.\nRoss Geller: I don't know what you're talking about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I'm talking about that which you already know but won't admit. You love her again; you re-love her!\nRoss Geller: Look, I do not re-love her.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you won't just admit it! Okay, just promise me that you won't do anything stupid.\nRoss Geller: Look, we're just friends now! Okay? Why would I do anything stupid?\nRachel Green: Ugh!!! Well, the apartment is already subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. I'm never gonna find anything.\nRoss Geller: You can live with me.\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Are you serious?!\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nRachel Green: I would love to live with you Ross; that's-that's great! Thank you!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm-I'm just glad I could, y'know, help you out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I'm-I'm so happy for you guys. This is so-so, not stupid.\nRachel Green: Ross-Ross, you have no idea what this means to me! I mean, I mean I was gonna be homeless. You just saved me! You're my hero!\nRoss Geller: Hero, I uh, I don't know-well, all right.\nRachel Green: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has!\nRoss Geller: Oh please! You're gonna say things now, aren't ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No, I won't. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didn't love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And that's how she ended up living with me! Okay, that's a lie.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi, listen, I'm sorry about before. I don't need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldn't get girls, and now I can 'em-Now, I have you. Not-not that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women...\nMonica Geller: Stop it Chandler. I'm sorry too.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Oh yes!\nChandler Bing: Ohh.\nMonica Geller: Listen, we don't have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.\nChandler Bing: That's a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.\nMonica Geller: Totally!\nChandler Bing: We don't have to come up with this now.\nMonica Geller: Oh good.\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what? Why don't we think about changes we can make in the living room?\nMonica Geller: Changes?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean we're gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair.\nMonica Geller: You're-you're-you're gonna bring the Barca Lounger over here?\nChandler Bing: Is that a problem?\nMonica Geller: Well, it's a set and they should probably stay together.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's cool. Then I'll just bring them both over.\nMonica Geller: See now-now you're taking them away from their home.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything here is yours! I'll get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!\nMonica Geller: Yeah-yeah, y'know what? Yeah, that's it-that's it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! That's-that's what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! I'm talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesn't match! Where is it gonna go?!\nChandler Bing: In the game room!\nMonica Geller: Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!\nChandler Bing: All right! That's fine! That's fine! I won't bring over the chairs! I won't bring anything over! I wouldn't want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandma's place!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Everything on your application looks really good-Ohh! Just one last question umm, are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?\nThe Potential Roommate: Oh don't worry, I'm not really a party girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa!! Now look, don't be just blurtin' stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay?\nChandler Bing: You can call off the roommate search! Hi! I'll be living here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh don't listen to him, he's just some guy who really wants the apartment, but I don't think he's gonna get it.\nChandler Bing: Why did you take the shower curtain down?\nJoey Tribbiani: That thing was a hazard! I'm very safety conscious.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Oh listen, I was just clearing some space for your stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monica's and she and Chandler had a big fight and they're not moving in.\nRoss Geller: What do you mean, they're not moving in? They-they're still moving in right?\nRachel Green: No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.\nRoss Geller: What?! Over a stupid room!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but I'm also really psyched 'cause I don't have to move in here!\nRoss Geller: Oh no, yeah no, that part's great!\nRoss Geller: What's all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly!\nMonica Geller: Ross, we can handle this.\nRoss Geller: Well, apparently not, and I can't just stand by and watch two people I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the silliness!\nChandler Bing: Well, why don't you tell her to stop being silly!\nRoss Geller: Okay-okay! Two very good points, look I've known you both a long time, and I've never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as you've been since you've got together. Do you really want to throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?\nChandler Bing: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.\nMonica Geller: Love is the best medicine.\nChandler Bing: That's laughter.\nMonica Geller: Why do you do it?\nChandler Bing: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I do.\nRoss Geller: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, don't ya?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York!\nGunther: So I understand you're looking for a place.\nRachel Green: No-no, I'm staying put.\nGunther: Oh, I was going to offer you my apartment.\nRachel Green: Why, where are you going?\nGunther: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: You're never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in again. That's great news right-I mean for them. Right?\nRachel Green: Oh wow.\nRoss Geller: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Y'know umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but don't you think it's gonna be weird?\nRoss Geller: Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird?\nRachel Green: Well, because of us! Because of our history.\nRoss Geller: No!\nRachel Green: No?\nRoss Geller: No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?\nRachel Green: No! Not at all!\nRoss Geller: Good! Me neither! So it's not a problem. We're just two friends who happen to be roommates.\nRachel Green: Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.\nRoss Geller: Really?! We are?\nRachel Green: Yeah! I'm gonna have a boyfriend, you're gonna have a girlfriend...\nRoss Geller: Ohh! That would be great.\nRachel Green: But y'know what, if you think it's gonna be okay we'll just work out a system. Y'know, it'll be like college, I'll hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, \"Come back later, I'm gettin' lucky.\"\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I didn't think of that.\nRoss Geller: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean it's a really big step! And-and what's the rush?!\nMonica Geller: That's very funny!\nChandler Bing: He's being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness!\nRoss Geller: No, I-I-I'm serious, okay? I mean, think about it. You move in, you start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing y'know you break up!\nMonica Geller: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.\nRoss Geller: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isn't about the room, this is about what the room...represents! And unfortunately, this room could destroy you!!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm not so worried.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, no, me neither.\nRoss Geller: Fine! It's your life! I just don't want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, but that's what you want, there's nothing I can do. DON'T DO IT!!!!!\nMonica Geller: You still want to move in together right?\nChandler Bing: Of course!\nMonica Geller: Ross didn't scare you?\nChandler Bing: Scared me out of ever wanting to live with him.\nMonica Geller: Come here, I want to show you something!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! Someone's killed Square Man!\nMonica Geller: This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and it's still walking distance to the kitchen.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's so sweet! I want to show you something too!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Y'know those big-big uh, road signs that say \"Merge?\"\nMonica Geller: Uh-hmm.\nChandler Bing: Y'know? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed. Because, that's you and I together! Merge!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! I love that!\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Uh, no!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I found you in my bed! How'd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair...\nPhoebe Buffay: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.\nRoss Geller: So umm, where are the other guys?\nRachel Green: Umm, well let's see Monica and Chandler are occupied.\nRoss Geller: Fighting?!\nRachel Green: No, the other thing. I really think it's great they work things out.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. There's no breaking them up, is there?\nRachel Green: Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street and make a copy?\nRoss Geller: Sure! Here.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, there's no turning back.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm-I'm sure. Yeah, get out of here before I change my mind.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?\nRoss Geller: I've been back and forth.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it you're right where you don't want to be! Back together!\nRoss Geller: Ehh, I don't, I don't think so. She's already talked about y'know, dating other guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not gonna work out! Then she's gonna come home all weepy and you'll be tellin' her, \"Oh that's okay. You'll find someone.\" And then, bamn! She finds you!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, m-maybe you're right.\nJoey Tribbiani: I am telling you Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again! Now, is that what you want?\nRoss Geller: Is that what I want?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here she comes. Hold on, I'm gonna make your life much easier.\nRachel Green: All right, well the place was closed. I'll just copy it later.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or not. Uh, Rach, why don't you just move in with me?\nRoss Geller: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no... It's okay, I mean I-look Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursday's thing, but we don't have to do that!\nRachel Green: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless you're thinking about Naked Wednesday's.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thursday's clearly not good for ya, pick a day!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nThe Potential Roommate: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come in. Thanks for comin' back, umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!\nThe Potential Roommate: Great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, I'm gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.\nThe Potential Roommate: I can do that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! Here we go. Pillow.\nThe Potential Roommate: Fight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Very good! Okay. G.\nThe Potential Roommate: String?\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent! Okay umm, doggy.\nThe Potential Roommate: Kitten?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, sorry! No-no-no, so close though, but-bye-bye!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine?\nMonica Geller: This bottle opener.\nRachel Green: And?\nMonica Geller: And it's a magnet!\nRachel Green: Look at that!\nRoss Geller: How weird is that? Y'know? You're moving in with me and have the one thing I don't have. It's like uh, in a way you-you complete me kitchen.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: You complete me kitchen, matey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, I know what you're thinking.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: That she's gonna move in with you and maybe then she'll fall in love with you and then when she finds out you're already married, she'll just be happy. Y'know? You're just, you're very sad.\nRoss Geller: Oh...my...God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!!\nRoss Geller: Of course! It all adds up! I mean you you're obsessed with her. It's always, \"Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?\" \"Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?\" \"When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?\" You want her!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nRoss Geller: Uh-oh, saved by the bell. Hello?\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, aren't these candlesticks mine?\nRachel Green: No-no, I bought those.\nMonica Geller: Ohh! Yeah, I forgot.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: That you're a liar.\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, that's great! I'll be there Monday. And thank you again! Okay. Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!\nMonica Geller: Wow! Uh what, did he uh, say?\nRoss Geller: Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.\nRachel Green: Well, who wouldn't?!\nRoss Geller: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean it's temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? \"Professor Geller.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, Professor and Mrs.\nRachel Green: And Mrs.?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Yeah, y'know you and Ross are still married.\nRachel Green: What?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Just kidding!\nRachel Green: Ohh! Oh God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Saved your ass.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Oh, what's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you know that psychic I see?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, she told me that I'm gonna die this week, so I'm kinda bummed about that.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and I know you guys don't know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe that's crazy!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe she would say that too you.\nRachel Green: Yeah honey you don't believe her do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't-she said y'know that I'd have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.\nChandler Bing: Just out of curiosity did she tell you how you're gonna go?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, 'cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean I've only got a week left, y'know? I've really gotta start living now! , leans back, and starts reading.)\nRoss Geller: Hey everyone!\nChandler Bing: Oh hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey uh, well, today's my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?\nEveryone: Oh that'd be great. Sure!\nRoss Geller: \"There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct...\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is it. This what's gonna kill me.\nRoss Geller: \"...subcategories. The first of these subcategories is...\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?\nRoss Geller: No! Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I've just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it.\nRoss Geller: Ohh! Okay! Okay. \"There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into...\"\nChandler Bing: Why don't you open with a joke?\nRoss Geller: Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club!\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not talking about Chuckles University?!\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nEveryone: Ohh! We're kidding! Oh, we're kidding!\nRachel Green: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nRachel Green: Some uh, some visual aides.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ooh-ooh! Y'know what's a good visual aide?\nRoss Geller: Please don't say naked chicks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?!\nRoss Geller: I-I-I don't even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y'know what? I'm just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.\nChandler Bing: That's the way I did it 'til I was 19.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Any good mail?\nChandler Bing: Yes, you got something from the Screen Actor's Guild.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, it's probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, I'm kinda...\nChandler Bing: \"Benefits lapsed.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmm that's weird. I don't remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's not a check. They're saying your health insurance expired because, you didn't work enough last year.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me see that!\nChandler Bing: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I can't believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, y'know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry man, there's never a good time to stop catching on fire.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. I'm gonna go see my agent.\nChandler Bing: Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.\nJoey Tribbiani: ...look both ways before you cross the street.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey Pheebs, you're still alive! How are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, it's so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could-\nRachel Green: Pheebs, what-what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I was preparing you for my-didn't you think I was dead? Did that not come off?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, y'know if you can.\nRachel Green: Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hmm?\nRachel Green: Did-did you take these back?\nMonica Geller: No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, they're really great! Aren't they?\nMonica Geller: I loved them!\nRachel Green: Yeah. Nice try!\nRoss Geller: Hello!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: How'd the lecture go?\nRoss Geller: It went great! And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either!\nRachel Green: Wow, that's great Ross, I'm sorry we weren't more supportive before.\nRoss Geller: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, \"Ross you have to be funny and sexy.\" Well, I proved them wrong! And now, I'm gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.\nMonica Geller: That you're not funny or sexy?\nRoss Geller: That's right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Estelle, listen...\nEstelle Leonard: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talkin' about? I never left you! You've always been my agent!\nEstelle Leonard: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nEstelle Leonard: Oh well, no harm, no foul.\nJoey Tribbiani: Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.\nEstelle Leonard: All right, first thing we gotta do, damage control.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nEstelle Leonard: Well, I think uhh, someone out there may have been bad mouthing you all over town.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bastard!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.\nChandler Bing: That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nChandler Bing: What's wrong with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious.\nChandler Bing: This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you go to the doctor!\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach!\nChandler Bing: That's a hernia.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s!\nRachel Green: Well, we're a little early, the lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but y'know we could sneak in and watch.\nRachel Green: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. Hey sisters! Wow, we really are bitches.\nRoss Geller: Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when- Oh bloody hell.\nMonica Geller: What the hell are you doing?!\nRoss Geller: Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and not a very good one.\nRoss Geller: Will you-will you please?\nThe Professor: Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, I'm a professor in the paleontology department here.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nThe Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.\nMonica Geller: Monica Gellerrr.\nRoss Geller: Right, will you excuse us for one moment? What are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you can have an accent and I can't?! Top 'O the morning to ya laddies!\nRoss Geller: Just please stop!\nRachel Green: Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year.\nChandler Bing: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides it's getting darker and more painful, that means it's healing.\nChandler Bing: I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing...pushed back in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don't want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I'm thinking I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: Oh Joey's got a really bad hernia, but that's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I'm telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here it doesn't hurt that bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Maybe you'll die!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, now I'm scared.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we can go together! Just don't wait too long though, okay? 'Cause I'm outta here sometime before Friday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but I don't wanna die!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, it'll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!\nMonica Geller: Gimme 'em!\nRachel Green: No! They are mine!\nMonica Geller: You stole them from me!\nRachel Green: You stole them from me!!\nMonica Geller: Gimme them!\nMonica Geller: You just wanna each take one?\nRachel Green: Yeah that seems fair. We never use them.\nRoss Geller: Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?\nRachel Green: Well...\nMonica Geller: Why don't you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think you're, y'know, that you're adjusting to life in America.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean they're probably not even listening!\nRoss Geller: They're not listening too me?\nRachel Green: Of course they're listening to you! Everybody listens to you.\nRoss Geller: Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?\nMonica Geller: I think you look fine.\nCasting Director #1: Whenever you're ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. \"Hey, Timmy, I've got a surprise for you.\"\nCasting Director #1: Hold it. I'm sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less...intense?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, I'll just-hold on one second. \"Hey Timmy, I've got a surprise for you!\"\nCasting Director #1: Oh my God!!\nJoey Tribbiani: So that's why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today!\nCasting Director #2: That's where you pick up the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Exactly.\nCasting Director #2: No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. I didn't get it, did I?\nCasting Director #2: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi. I'm Joey Tribbiani; I'm here to audition for man.\nCasting Director #3: You mean dying man?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nMonica Geller: Okay, come on, do it one more time!\nRachel Green: Really? Really?!\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nRachel Green: Okay! \"Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, we'd like you to come on board with us full time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen to this! My reading was wrong, I'm not going die!\nRachel Green: Really?! How do you know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because my psychic is dead! She must've read the cards wrong!\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eh, better her than me! Hey, let's bake cookies!\nChandler Bing: Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: But are you sure you can do this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.\nChandler Bing: Now, is that never talking about it again?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hiya!\nThe Director: Hey Joey, we're ready for ya! Joey, this is Alex he's going to be playing your son.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi Alex! And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants.\nThe Director: Okay. All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, \"Take good care of your Momma son,\" that's your cue to cry. Got it? All right, let's do this.\nA Crew Member: Scene 5, take 1.\nThe Director: And Action!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Take could care of your Momma son.\" \"Take could care of your Momma son.\" \"Come on son! Your Momma's good people!\"\nThe Director: Cut! Alex, remember you're supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?\nAlex: Okay.\nThe Director: All right, from the top.\nA Crew Member: Scene 5, take 2.\nA Crew Member: Take 36 is up!\nThe Director: All right! Let's try this again! You ready Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?\nThe Director: Uh sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nThe Director: Action!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Take good care of your Momma son.\"\nThe Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why don't you uh, lift up your shirt? Take a look at this kiddo. We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!\nRachel Green: Hello?\nRussell: Hello, is Ross there?\nRachel Green: Uh no, he's not. Can I take a message?\nRussell: Yes, this Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.\nRachel Green: Ross got married again-Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!\nRoss Geller: All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis . Were there any questions at this point? Yes.\nA Student: What's happening to your accent?\nRoss Geller: Come again? What's-what's this nonsense? All right, I'm-I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? About paleontology. All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm-I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression...\nRachel Green: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!\nRoss Geller: Well, hello Rachel!\nPhoebe Buffay: Have you really done this before?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, don't hold back. and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey!\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.\nChandler Bing: Oh, all right."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: I cannot believe that you didn't tell me that we are still married!!\nRoss Geller: Look I was going to tell you!\nRachel Green: When?! After the birth of our first secret child?! Ross didn't get the annulment; we are still married.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: You're kidding!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!\nMonica Geller: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Okay, maybe it wasn't my best decision. But I just couldn't face another failed marriage.\nChandler Bing: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?\nRoss Geller: Rach, come on, if you think about it, it's actually kinda funny. Okay, maybe it's best not to think about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, I told her you already knew.\nPhoebe Buffay: Another lie. You have a sickness!\nChandler Bing: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you're not married to anymore of us are ya?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. Ooohh, to a Porsche! Hey Gunther, these yours?\nGunther: Yeah, that's what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!\nJoey Tribbiani: Na-uh! Hey did anybody lose their keys?\nMonica Geller: Joey, why don't you put them in the lost and found?\nJoey Tribbiani: There's a lost and found? My shoe!\nChandler Bing: You left a shoe here?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I didn't realize until I got home. I wasn't gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Y'know what? I'm gonna go find that guy's car and leave a note on the windshield.\nChandler Bing: Oh good, when he comes back for his keys, I'll be sure to give him your shoe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, what a fun day! That sounds great!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, all right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well I'll bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, they're not actually puppies, they're Frank and Alice's triplets. Okay, see ya!\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and I'm nervous 'cause I've never done that before by myself!\nMonica Geller: Don't worry about it Phoebe, we'll absolutely do it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm gonna pass. 'Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.\nMonica Geller: Come on Chandler, come on! It'll give us great practice for when-people with babies come to visit.\nGuy #1: Nice car!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's not mine.\nWoman: I love your car.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's mine.\nWoman: I bet it's fast.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too! Yeah. And comfortable. Do uh, do you like leather seats?\nWoman: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's got 'em!\nRachel Green: So, I still have boxes here. I still have boxes at Ross's, and I have nowhere to live! Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I don't have a roommate.\nRachel Green: Well, maybe-maybe I could be your roommate Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe you could be my roommate!\nRachel Green: Well there's an idea!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: That would be great! Wait, how long is Denise gone for?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, she said she'd be back December 26th.\nRachel Green: December 26th, huh maybe she's Santa Clause.\nRachel Green: Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. I'll take care of everything.\nRachel Green: Well sure, if you say you're gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! All right, now I'm gonna do this my way and I don't want to hear a peep out of you!\nRoss Geller: Okay Rach, but...\nRachel Green: Op! You're peeping!\nRachel Green: Ross! Y'know what, I just got-why? Why did you do this?!\nRoss Geller: Look I told you...\nRachel Green: I don't wanna hear \"Three failed marriages!\"\nRoss Geller: Look, if you'd had two failed marriages, you'd understand!\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what? Thanks to you I'm half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I don't think I have ever been this angry!\nRoss Geller: What about the time I said we were on a break?\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nMonica Geller: Pheebs, how's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm doing okay. I think it's going well. Do you think they're having fun? Am I talking to fast?\nMonica Geller: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, it's going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. Do you know what Pheebs? When you're done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Na-uh, no, we are all responsible for our own babies.\nChandler Bing: See that's where I think that you're wrong. We've been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.\nMonica Geller: What do you mean?\nChandler Bing: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And y'know Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around...\nPhoebe Buffay: That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.\nMonica Geller: This is so great! This is exactly how we set the plates at the restaurant.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? Well this is not what I ordered.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey babies! Oh, I'm having the best morning. That uh, that Porsche I've got the keys too, still there!\nChandler Bing: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.\nJoey Tribbiani: You should see the treatment I get when I'm with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.\nChandler Bing: What equity investments?\nJoey Tribbiani: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, they're gonna start to think that I don't own it. So I figured I'll wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, I got soap and sponges and rags and Carnuba wax and polishing compound.\nChandler Bing: You don't even have a car!\nMonica Geller: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.\nChandler Bing: And?\nMonica Geller: And six others.\nChandler Bing: There you are.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she tops out at 130.\nGuy #2: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: And that's just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.\nGuy #2: Really! You got a place upstate?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure!\nGuy #2: Well, I'll see you later.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, take it easy.\nThe Porsche Owner: Hey! That's my car.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it.\nThe Porsche Owner: What-what are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up.\nThe Porsche Owner: But it's my car!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it's my wax.\nThe Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I don't come to this city much so I don't know if you're crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. Here. I'll uh, save your parking spot.\nThe Porsche Owner: I'm not coming back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nThe Porsche Owner: I live upstate.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so did I.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know why I was so nervous about this. And I don't know why Frank and Alice are always complaining. This is so easy.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime that's the same.\nChandler Bing: Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing can put someone's eye out!\nChandler Bing: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!\nPhoebe Buffay: No Chandler, they can swallow one of those little parts! And also, look at his smooth area, that's just gonna mess them up.\nChandler Bing: They're not gonna swallow anything, you guys are being way over protective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nChandler Bing: Glass, sand, whatever.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look at little Leslie stretching in her sleep.\nMonica Geller: Oh it's so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I can still do that.\nMonica Geller: How are you still single?!\nChandler Bing: All right. I thought about it and maybe you're right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.\nMonica Geller: Good. What made you change your mind?\nChandler Bing: I swallowed the sonic blaster gun.\nPhoebe Buffay: How did that happen?!!\nChandler Bing: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Y'know? And it turns out I was wrong. And now it's lodged in my throat.\nMonica Geller: Damnit! Y'know this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler!\nJudge: Okay you two are asking the court for an annulment?\nRachel Green: Yes your honor, and here are, are forms, all filled out.\nJudge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.\nRoss Geller: Fine, I'm mentally unstable.\nJudge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Uh yes, heroin and crack.\nRoss Geller: Crack isn't even an intravenous drug!\nRachel Green: Well, you would know.\nJudge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on!\nRachel Green: Ross, please, I found the magazines!\nJudge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm sorry, this is insane! I-I-I'm not addicted to heroin, I'm not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything! Look, I'll consummate this marriage right here, right now!\nJudge: That won't be necessary.\nRoss Geller: And when we were dating we consummated like bunnies!\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nJudge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.\nRachel Green: Ross! Your honor, rest assured relationship ended like two years ago! And could you strike \"Consummated like bunnies\" from the record?\nJudge: Is there, anything in this record that is actually true?\nRachel Green: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.\nJudge: Well, based on what I heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you two don't want to be together you'll have to file for divorce.\nRoss Geller: That's great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!\nRachel Green: What?! Me?! What about you and your consummated like bunnies nonsense!\nRoss Geller: And what-What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We don't get the annulment. Don't type that! What?! Stop typing! Hey! Stop typing! Stop typing! Stop typing!!\nRachel Green: Okay, do you see, do you see what you're keeping me married too?!\nJudge: You need to get out of my chambers.\nRachel Green: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJudge: Would you like to spend the night in jail?\nRachel Green: And thank you for your time.\nJoey Tribbiani: So the Porsche guy took his car back.\nChandler Bing: But you found the keys to his clothes?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.\nMonica Geller: And people will think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn't have the car! Right?\nChandler Bing: That is true.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I've been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche.\nMonica Geller: Joey, you know you don't actually have one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! What are you doing?! I'm in character! Would you talk to her!\nChandler Bing: Ahh, I think it just moved. It's really poking me.\nMonica Geller: All right, that's it, we're going to the emergency room.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! No, you can't, you can't leave me here with them! We're baby-sitting!\nMonica Geller: The babies are asleep, I'm sure you'll be okay on your own for a while!\nPhoebe Buffay: But you-you can't leave me with them! We-we're a team! We're playing a zone! They're gonna triple team me!\nMonica Geller: He's got something plastic lodged in his throat, we've got to go to the hospital.\nPhoebe Buffay: But no, because a doctor won't be able to help him, it's just gonna y'know naturally pass through his system in like seven years.\nChandler Bing: I think that's gum.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm pretty sure it's gun.\nChandler Bing: Okay, listen this really hurts. Let's go.\nPhoebe Buffay: A real man wouldn't just run to the hospital! No! What would, what would Krog do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?\nPasserby: Maybe because you've got the keys?\nJoey Tribbiani: Porsche.\nRachel Green: This is totally your fault!\nRoss Geller: My fault?! You threatened the judge!\nRachel Green: Well, you ripped the paper out of the court reporter's machine!!\nRoss Geller: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi! How are the Gellers?\nRachel Green: Don't call us that!\nRoss Geller: The judge wouldn't let us get an annulment! Now we gotta get a divorce!! Did a Porsch throw up on you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! It's Porsche!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, I'm gonna take that spit bubble as, \"Yeah, I do!\" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, I'll set you up with a clean one. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? 'Cause let's face it, we're at Monica's. I broke it. All right. Well, that's just the way that goes. Okay, good. Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you can't answer. Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! Oh, you're a lot mischievous! Well, it'll dry. Okay, you sit with your brother and sister now-who aren't there!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: How do you feel?\nChandler Bing: Well, let's just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed 'em, bathed 'em, and put 'em to bed.\nChandler Bing: And protected them from a tornado?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, the babies are asleep.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, what, what happened here?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!\nMonica Geller: But my apartment!\nChandler Bing: Was the setting of Phoebe's triumph.\nMonica Geller: But the mess!\nChandler Bing: Is not as important as the fact that Phoebe took care of the babies all by herself.\nMonica Geller: You're right, you're right I shouldn't freak out. 'Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, would you take a look at this mess!!!!\nRachel Green: Oh honey thank God you're home, I was getting worried.\nRoss Geller: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, I've already signed everything and I put little 'X's where you need to sign.\nRachel Green: Oh, little 'X's! Great! That makes up for everything!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, I-I-you've done a lot of stupid stuff too! Okay?\nRachel Green: Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one!\nRoss Geller: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!\nRachel Green: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Right!\nRoss Geller: You're right. That's very different. So let's, let's just sign the papers. All right? What?\nRachel Green: Nothing.\nRoss Geller: Okay, can we just sign please?\nRachel Green: Uh-hmm.\nRoss Geller: Congratulations.\nRachel Green: Okay Ross, we're-wait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know this whole marriage thing, kinda my idea.\nRoss Geller: Excuse me?\nRachel Green: Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: And uh, yeah, I didn't really, I didn't want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.\nRoss Geller: So then if-if-I mean if you think about it, this is all your fault.\nRachel Green: Yeah, don't push it though.\nRoss Geller: I've got to say; I know I divorce a lot of women, never thought I would be divorcing you.\nRachel Green: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldn't be a secret, and we wouldn't have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut.\nRoss Geller: Did I, did I even treat?\nRachel Green: No, it was on the house, it was, it was a newlywed special.\nRoss Geller: That may be the most depressing thing I've heard in my life. I should probably get these to my lawyer's office.\nRachel Green: Hey, thanks Ross, for taking care of all of this.\nRoss Geller: Eh, no problem.\nRachel Green: I'm gonna need a copy of those.\nRoss Geller: Totally.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey! Be careful around my Porsche!\nWoman: Hi Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! How you doin'?\nWoman: He has the most amazing Porsche under there!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink?"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Okay! Listen, I'm gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right! And when is that due?\nChandler Bing: First of the month.\nJoey Tribbiani: And that's every month?\nChandler Bing: No, just the months you actually want to live here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh.\nChandler Bing: Okay, here is the phone bill.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!!\nChandler Bing: That's our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why don't I just-why don't I just cover you for a while?\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity...anymore.\nChandler Bing: It's not charity, Joe...\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Forget it! Okay-I mean thanks, but I'm done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, what's next? Come on.\nChandler Bing: Okay uh, here's the electric bill.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is how much we pay for electric?!!!\nChandler Bing: Uh, yeah.\nChandler Bing: So, we'll do the rest of the bills later then?\nPhoebe Buffay: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?\nChandler Bing: No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldn't take it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, how much do you think he needs?\nChandler Bing: I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, y'know? But I have to trick him into taking it so I won't hurt his pride.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you hire him as an actor? You could have him dress up and put on little skits. Whatever you want.\nChandler Bing: Well that would help the pride thing.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Wow! You look great! Wanna move in with me tomorrow?\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay! So, what do you girls have planned for tonight?\nMonica Geller: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought we'd go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: And also, my birthday.\nMonica Geller: It's not your birthday.\nPhoebe Buffay: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you it's not your birthday!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night?\nChandler Bing: Well, instead of just hanging out, we figure we'd do nothing.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know Ross, not if you're gonna talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist.\nRoss Geller: I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I was wondering...\nMonica Geller: You're not dressed yet?! We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes!\nRachel Green: Well and clearly not a minute sooner.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, you are packed though right, I mean please tell me that you're packed.\nRachel Green: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: My God, I can't get a minute of peace around this place.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Monica's just gonna kill you.\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah, I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what you're wearing is fine for that.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, I need to borrow-You're not packed!!!! You're not packed even a little bit!\nRachel Green: Surprise!!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: No, no don't get mad because look-this is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, \"What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!\" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da!\nMonica Geller: I'll be coordinator! Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I didn't get you anything! Okay, look everybody has to help! Okay? You can help, can't you Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: I have plans.\nMonica Geller: You're plans were with us.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right.\nMonica Geller: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay! Oh my God, thank you!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hurry! Monica's gonna make you pack! She's got jobs for everyone! Now, it's too late for me, but save your selves!\nMonica Geller: Okay! The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel has not packed. Now, everybody has to help! Chandler, we're gonna start with...\nChandler Bing: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.\nMonica Geller: I thought you said you were going to do nothing.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but for the last time.\nMonica Geller: Okay fine, now Ross...\nRoss Geller: Oh, but-but I can't do it.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: I've got Ben.\nRoss Geller: Because, because I've got Ben.\nMonica Geller: It's almost 8 o'clock, it's almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?\nChandler Bing: He's at a dinner party.\nMonica Geller: Is he really coming? Because I can see right into your apartment!\nRoss Geller: Of course he is! What, do you think I'd just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?\nMonica Geller: All right, sorry.\nRoss Geller: I gotta go make a fake Ben.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I wish I'd know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's okay. Hey, actually in a way it's kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!\nChandler Bing: Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money?\nJoey Tribbiani: What, are you crazy? You haven't beaten me once since my injury plagued '97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money.\nChandler Bing: Yes it would. What do you say to $50?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, you're on.\nChandler Bing: Okay, let's play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently.\nRachel Green: Ohhhhhh, look it's the roller blades.\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nRachel Green: You remember when we got these?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRachel Green: I guess you weren't there.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time... You don't remember?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry Pheebs, I guess I'm just really said that I'm leaving.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna miss you so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, this doesn't have to be so sad though. Y'know? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you're gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things you're not gonna miss.\nMonica Geller: I don't think there's anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, there's gotta be something.\nMonica Geller: Nope, she's perfect.\nRachel Green: I have one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good! Great! You can go first.\nRachel Green: Uh well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good that's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Y'know? Does Rachel move the phone pen?\nMonica Geller: Aw, sometimes. Always, actually.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, good. There you go. Doesn't anyone feel better?\nMonica Geller: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.\nRachel Green: You get your messages!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch.\nRachel Green: So-so, you missed a message from who? Chandler or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom?\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! It worked! No one's sad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! That's like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! $500 that is a loooot of electricity! Whoo-ho-ho! I gotta buy some food.\nChandler Bing: Okay, give me a chance to win my money back. Okay? Sudden death, one goal, $1,000.\nJoey Tribbiani: You serious?\nChandler Bing: Oh yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, get ready to owe me!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, here we go. Ready?\nChandler Bing: No! No! No! No-one can beat me.\nChandler Bing: See? Now, that's why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking.\nMonica Geller: Hello? Oh, hi Ross! See? Other people call me!\nRachel Green: Ooh, your brother. Score!\nMonica Geller: What's up?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm just over here with Ben. I thought we'd say hi.\nMonica Geller: Oh, put him on!\nRoss Geller: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. Oh, I guess he doesn't feel like talking right now. He's smiling though! Okay, talk to you later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades?\nRachel Green: You know what else I'm not gonna miss? \"I'm Monica. I wash the toilet 17 times a day. Even if people are on it!\"\nMonica Geller: \"Hi I'm Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I'd better wash it and shrink it!\"\nRachel Green: \"I'm Monica, I don't get phone messages from interesting people. Ever!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! I call her!\nMonica Geller: \"Oh my God, I love Ross! I hate Ross! I love Ross! I hate Ross!\"\nRachel Green: \"Oh my God, I can't find a boyfriend! So I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations.\nChandler Bing: Still broken?\nJoey Tribbiani: This sucks man! The last night you're here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500.\nChandler Bing: Well, there are other ways of winning back your money, how about a little uh, a little Blackjack?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah, not my game.\nChandler Bing: Okay, uh, how about, how about-y'know what? We could play a new game. A new game, it's fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what's it called?\nChandler Bing: Cups.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know how to play Cups.\nChandler Bing: I'll teach ya! Come on, come on, it's really easy and really, really fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nChandler Bing: Okay, here you go. I have two queens, what do you have?\nJoey Tribbiani: A two and a five.\nChandler Bing: Ho-ho, you win! 50 dollars!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! Okay, let's play again. What do you got?\nJoey Tribbiani: A four and a nine.\nChandler Bing: You're kidding right?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Why?\nChandler Bing: Well that's a full cup!\nJoey Tribbiani: Damn! I am good at Cups!\nMonica Geller: I'm not talking to her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her!\nMonica Geller: Well, maybe you're right-She made fun of my phone pen!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I took it hard too.\nMonica Geller: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad about-What are you doing?\nRachel Green: I'm unpacking!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: I'm not moving! Is that picture straight?\nMonica Geller: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left!\nRachel Green: Hey, y'know what? You're the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!\nMonica Geller: Because it's my apartment!\nRachel Green: Well it's mine too! What else you got?!\nMonica Geller: How about, you're moving!!\nRachel Green: Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, how are you guys doing?\nRachel Green: Great! Monica's moving!\nMonica Geller: I am not!\nRachel Green: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know what's going on here. Okay, you guys... STOP!! I know that, I know that you're acting mad because you think that it'll make it easier to leave. But deep down you're still really sad. Deep-deep down.\nMonica Geller: No Phoebe I am mad!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, deep-deep-deep down!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm just mad!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then keep running.\nChandler Bing: You win.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what did you have?\nChandler Bing: It doesn't matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, wow, 700.\nChandler Bing: Not 700 exactly?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Double it!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nChandler Bing: Hey, I didn't make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. Don't get to excited because that's not gonna happen unless you get-No way!\nMonica Geller: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, \"What were you thinking?\"\nRachel Green: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but umm, I don't want to live with Rachel anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're just so mean to each other! And I don't want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!\nRachel Green: Well, Phoebe that's fine because I'm not moving.\nMonica Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y'know I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y'know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate.\nRachel Green: Oh really? Like what Monica?\nMonica Geller: Y'know she has 147,000 pairs of boots...\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, good start Mon.\nMonica Geller: She lets you borrow them.\nRachel Green: Yeah and you stretch 'em out with your big old clown feet.\nMonica Geller: Do you wanna live outside?! Because it's gettin' cold! She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she'll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I'd like.\nPhoebe Buffay: What else?\nMonica Geller: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.\nMonica Geller: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.\nRachel Green: Well y'know, I don't want you to be cold.\nMonica Geller: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!!\nRachel Green: Oh, it's gonna be fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay Rachel, I can't wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! We'll have so much fun!!\nRachel Green: But honey, I think she's moving in with Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's right. You're still set on that?\nMonica Geller: Kinda. Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Hello? Hey Mon, how's the packing going? Ben? He's fine. Yeah, he's right-Oh my God! Get your head of your shirt there son! What? Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: What's wrong?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!\nChandler Bing: Wh-How did you lose at Cups?!\nJoey Tribbiani: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin' Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didn't even get half a cup! Nothin'!!\nChandler Bing: Oh man!!\nJoey Tribbiani: And he never played before either! Y'know what I think? I think beginner's luck, very important in Cups.\nChandler Bing: All right, let's play one more hand! One more!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! I'm serious this time! In-in fact, look, there's a-I wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, y'know, thank you for being such a great roommate.\nChandler Bing: I can't take the big white dog! You love it!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's him, not it!\nChandler Bing: No, but wait-what if I bought it from you, y'know? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say $1,500?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a second, I see what you're trying to do here! You-you're trying to give me money again!\nChandler Bing: When did I try to give you money?\nJoey Tribbiani: Over there! Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said \"No,\" you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again!\nChandler Bing: I'm just trying to help you out! Okay? I wanna make sure that you're okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself. Okay? Look, I'm not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that I'm gonna miss...is you. And now the dog.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Call me when you get there. Okay?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'm really gonna miss you.\nRachel Green: Oh! I have your key. Here you go.\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh God! This is silly, I'm gonna see you in a couple of hours!\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Bye house!\nRachel Green: Bye Mon.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: She really left.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: No problem roomie.\nMonica Geller: Can I ask you a question?\nChandler Bing: Sure!\nMonica Geller: What the hell is that dog doing here?!\nChandler Bing: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.\nRoss Geller: And now you want that money back.\nChandler Bing: Exactly.\nRoss Geller: Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for?\nChandler Bing: It's not a real game! I made it up!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square.\nChandler Bing: At a fake game!!\nRoss Geller: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, I'd be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.\nChandler Bing: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last.\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Hmm, let's see if it comes up this time."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Ready?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hi...\nPhoebe Buffay: it's...\nRachel Green: Rachel...\nPhoebe Buffay: and...\nRachel Green: Phoebe's...\nPhoebe Buffay: please...\nRachel Green: leave...\nPhoebe Buffay: leave...\nRachel Green: Wait, I-I just said \"leave.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get \"it's,\" \"and\" oh I'm sorry, I have \"A.\" Forget it.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, come on that's silly.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, so let's switch.\nRachel Green: No, I have all of the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi...\nRachel Green: Everybody...\nPhoebe Buffay: It's...\nRachel Green: Rachel...\nPhoebe Buffay: and...\nRachel Green: Phoebe's...\nPhoebe Buffay: Please...wait, how did you do that?\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're no ordinary roommate are you?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our first y'know roommate bonding thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, let's go running!\nRachel Green: Yeah and there's really cute guys there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's run towards them!\nRachel Green: OK!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks!\nRachel Green: Now wait a minute. You just took all the words!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. You've met your match Rachel Green.\nRoss Geller: So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine.\nChandler Bing: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor!\nChandler Bing: I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.\nMonica Geller: Oh, So you can move them!\nChandler Bing: Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey everybody! Uh, I'd like you to meet Janine. She's-she's gonna be my new roommate!\nJanine Lecroix: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nJanine Lecroix: Hi\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she's gonna live with me!\nMonica Geller: It's nice to meet you. Janine...?\nJanine Lecroix: Lecroix. Janine Lecroix\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't know that! Well, what a pretty last name!\nChandler Bing: So, uh, wh-where ya from?\nJanine Lecroix: Australia, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: From the land down under? I didn't know that either!\nRoss Geller: So uh, wha-uh, what do you do?\nJanine Lecroix: I'm a dancer.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a dancer? She-she's a dancer!\nJanine Lecroix: Well, I think I'll go and unpack.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey let me.\nMonica Geller: Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course I did.\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh, what exactly did you ask her?\nJoey Tribbiani: \"When can you move in?\"\nRoss Geller: Thank you for bringing her into our lives.\nChandler Bing: Unbelievable\nMonica Geller: Oh, so you like her too Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Hey, look at all the boxes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ugh, I cannot wait to ask her out!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah man don't do it. I mean if you date her, then-then-then I can't date her.\nChandler Bing: All right, think about it. Now remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh God, yeah.\nChandler Bing: Now imagine you live at the supermarket.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nChandler Bing: No-no\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that. I can't date her!\nMonica Geller: Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.\nMonica Geller: Hmm, well you're around me all the time and you don't flirt.\nJoey Tribbiani: You a little sad about that sweetheart?\nPhoebe Buffay: I have to tie my shoe, so you go ahead, I'll catch up.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Come on! That's not running! Let's go!\nRachel Green: You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit The Frog and The Six Million Dollar Man.\nRoss Geller: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.\nRachel Green: Oh! I used to do that too!\nMonica Geller: Did you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green?\nRachel Green: Aw, Mon...\nMonica Geller: So, Phoebe runs weird huh?\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah and you know what, I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her.\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: You're right, you're right. I should just tell her the truth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, Monica tripped me, I don't think I can ever run again, ever!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Why would you do that?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. Rachel I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.\nRachel Green: Ankle.\nMonica Geller: We'll see.\nChandler Bing: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. Joe? Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack.\nJoey Tribbiani: I Gotcha!!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! You-almost-gave-me-a-heart-attack.\nJoey Tribbiani: Boy, it was so hard not to laugh, I tell ya. Hey, hey, the place looks great!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monica's gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't! No, I wanna live with the super-hot Australian dancer.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. How you doin?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohhhh man\nJanine Lecroix: Sorry, there's just more room out here.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I need to do my stretches too.\nJanine Lecroix: Why don't you try to do-\nJoey Tribbiani: \nJanine Lecroix: What's wrong?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-uh nothing. I-I-I-I didn't want you to touch me cause I'm -I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. Oh my God!\nJanine Lecroix: Oh, sorry about that stuff hanging in there. It's just my thongs are too delicate for the dryer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself.\nRachel Green: No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can!\nPhoebe Buffay: Please Rachel, I am not an idiot.\nRachel Green: No, wait Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler...uh, what uh, what 'cha doin?\nChandler Bing: What does it look like I'm doing? I am cleaning!\nRoss Geller: Did you get Monica's authorization to move all of her stuff?\nChandler Bing: Authorization? I don't need that. I'm gonna put everything back.\nRoss Geller: Put it back exactly where you found it?\nChandler Bing: Yes I'm gonna put it back exactly where I found it.\nRoss Geller: 'Kay, first of all, this attitude is not helping.\nChandler Bing: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.\nRoss Geller: Whoa, hello, did you just meet Monica?\nChandler Bing: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.\nRoss Geller: Hmm -you know, actually this'll work out well. Cause when you have to move back in with Joey, Joey's hot new roommate can come and live with me.\nChandler Bing: I see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out.\nRoss Geller: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak...out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.\nChandler Bing: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. Phone's done ehh.\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey Mon, how's it going?\nMonica Geller: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.\nMonica Geller: It's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I may even try to get out of here early.\nChandler Bing: No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there.\nMonica Geller: Well, are you just hanging out with Ross?\nChandler Bing: It's, all good! Okay bye-bye Mon! She's-she's gonna kill me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. And that goes back up there.\nChandler Bing: We should start with the big stuff. Y'know? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. I got it.\nRoss Geller: Yeah that-that, doesn't look right.\nChandler Bing: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the... OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.\nRoss Geller: Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet.\nChandler Bing: OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.\nRoss Geller: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! What the hell's going on over here?!?!? Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I've been married 3 times\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no I've seen it happen, you-you get a rapport going with a woman but somehow you manage to kill it. What's your secret?\nRoss Geller: Look, we do not repel women OK? That is completely untrue.\nChandler Bing: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go \"ba dum bum chessh\"\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that.\nRoss Geller: Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science.\nChandler Bing: That's not specific to girls.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is great, this is great, what else, what else?\nRoss Geller: Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.\nChandler Bing: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.\nRoss Geller: They don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you.\nChandler Bing: Man, I'm so lucky I have Monica.\nRoss Geller: I'm never gonna find love again.\nRachel Green: Hey Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure\nRachel Green: Okay, um, I... All right Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and I should not have lied to you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what should you have done?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I should've told you the truth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-Huh, Which is...?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...\nPhoebe Buffay: So?\nRachel Green: Well, it's embarrassing. People were looking at us like we were crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why do you care?\nRachel Green: Because they're people.\nPhoebe Buffay: But people that you don't know and will never see again.\nRachel Green: Yes, but still. They're people...with eyes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss . But no, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight.\nRachel Green: I-I am not uptight-Hey-hey-hey-oh-oh! Listen, I am not uptight, man.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? The neighbor's dog.\nChandler Bing: Okay, is this lamp in the same place?\nRoss Geller: Who cares? I repel women.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked.\nRoss Geller: Why does anyone have to be naked?\nMonica Geller: Why is Ross naked?\nRoss Geller: I-I had to show Chandler something?\nMonica Geller: Naked?\nRoss Geller: Yeah-yeah I uh, I have a uh, a guy problem.\nMonica Geller: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?\nChandler Bing: Look, uh, just come later, we'll get everything squared away and you can come back later.\nMonica Geller: Okay, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine under the sink in the bathroom. Bye!\nChandler Bing: Bye! Thank God\nRoss Geller: Dude, what'd you have?\nChandler Bing: Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.\nRoss Geller: The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.\nChandler Bing: That's perfect! That's brilliant!\nRoss Geller: So really, what'd ya have?\nJanine Lecroix: Hey Joey, I got some beer for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, don't you mean \"for whom?\"\nJanine Lecroix: Sure, listen I was gonna order some pizza, you wanna share one?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pizza, heh, its not like I never had that before...ba dum bum cheshhh.\nJanine Lecroix: Is there something wrong?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.\nJanine Lecroix: Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?\nJanine Lecroix: Well, I don't think there is anything to do. I mean I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not interested in you like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nJanine Lecroix: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.\nJanine Lecroix: I don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I do. How you doin?\nJanine Lecroix: I'm OK\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!?!\nJanine Lecroix: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh dear God!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh honey, I'm so sorry, you were right, this feels great!\nPhoebe Buffay: See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone!\nRachel Green: Gone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. Hey! Look out for the horse! Sorry!\nMonica Geller: Is it okay for me to come in now?\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh\nMonica Geller: Why is everything different?\nRoss Geller: Bye!\nChandler Bing: No, I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it.\nMonica Geller: Well, the end table is wrong, The couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets.\nChandler Bing: Okay look, don't...don't be mad okay? But after I unpacked the boxes I wanted to do something nice for you, so, I-I-I cleaned the apartment. So I moved everything around and then I forgot where it, where it went back and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?\nChandler Bing: Do you want me to be afraid of you?\nMonica Geller: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Of course!\nChandler Bing: Oh well you're the best. You come here to me.\nMonica Geller: All right, hold on okay? First thing's first. Okay, now did Ross sit anywhere while he was naked?\nRoss Geller: So it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically we could download our thoughts and our memories into this computer...\nJanine Lecroix: ...and live forever as a machine!\nRoss Geller: That's so Janine, you-you-you know what, do you know we're doing right now? You and I, we're interfacing.\nJanine Lecroix: Yeah, I gotta go.\nChandler Bing: Ba dum bumb cheshhh!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control of the galaxies last remaining energy source?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, neighbor come on in.\nChandler Bing: So, is Janine around?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, no, she's at dance class.\nChandler Bing: Can I check out what she did to my room?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but, hey look, don't go through her stuff. She gets really mad.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God. What is th... it's like a guy never lived in here. Look, you've got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. It's spreading already.\nJoey Tribbiani: It is???\nChandler Bing: Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nChandler Bing: Is that your tiny little box, that's too small to put anything in?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nChandler Bing: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, you're going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, you're right. I'll talk to her.\nChandler Bing: Yes talk to her. Be a man.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm a man.\nChandler Bing: Defend yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmm.\nMonica Geller: Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.\nChandler Bing: Be right there sweetums. A totally different situation.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?\nMonica Geller: It was okay. She's still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.\nChandler Bing: Ohh, yeah.\nRoss Geller: Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: The one that always stares at me when I come in?\nMonica Geller: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.\nRoss Geller: Still I could tell. She was into me. Well, why don't you set us up?\nRachel Green: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale's and use the copy machine.\nRachel Green: Well, sure, but they might think it's kinda weird considering I don't work there anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God. What happened?\nRachel Green: I-I, got a job at Ralph Lauren.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well that's great! Congratulations!!\nRachel Green: Yeah. A year ago..\nPhoebe Buffay: You've lasted a whole year. Good for you.\nRachel Green: But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But, just come by at lunch so my boss doesn't see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesn't like me very much.\nChandler Bing: That's weird. I don't think my boss likes me either.\nMonica Geller: I don't think mine likes me either.\nRoss Geller: Maybe it's a universal thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Or maybe, it's because you're hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.\nChandler Bing: Yeah let's head off to work.\nMonica Geller: We should go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Did you talk to him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser.\nRachel Green: What? What!?! You kissed him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Totally.\nRachel Green: Phoebe are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, we're making out. You know.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I mean, you do know he's married?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nRachel Green: Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he's married? No, yeah, I should.\nJanine Lecroix: Hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?\nJanine Lecroix: No, I just thought it was cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh...Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. It's...too girly.\nJanine Lecroix: Ohh. Like what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Like this. Pictures of cute babies we don't know. We..we can't have that.\nJanine Lecroix: Joey, it's Anne Geddes. She's a famous artist.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not. You know, and I don't want to be a jerk but you're changing too much around here.\nJanine Lecroix: Well, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd try to make the place a little nicer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah but it's too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.\nJanine Lecroix: Well I just thought...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sure it's a famous watering can, okay. But, come on...and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?\nJanine Lecroix: It's a curling iron.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, well, that's ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. It's up here on some hook..and...smells different.\nJanine Lecroix: It's clean.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, it feels different.\nJanine Lecroix: It's dry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels...Also what is with these chips you bought?\nJanine Lecroix: No no no no, it's potpourri. You're supposed to smell it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well that's like summer in a bowl.\nRachel Green: Oh, Kim, Hi.\nKim: Uhh-huh.\nRachel Green: So you know, I...I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought.\nKim: I didn't read it.\nRachel Green: Ahh...So...Wow...The spring line, it's really going to be great this year, huh?\nKim: Yeah.\nRachel Green: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room.\nKim: Tell me everything.\nRoss Geller: Hey guys.\nRoss Geller: What's up?\nChandler Bing: You know...Oh My God.\nMonica Geller: What happened to your teeth.\nRoss Geller: I whitened them.\nChandler Bing: Really.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. What do you think.\nMonica Geller: Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.\nRoss Geller: Come on, seriously.\nMonica Geller: Ross they're really, really, really white.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, what was wrong with your old...human teeth.\nRoss Geller: Ahh, I-I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to.\nMonica Geller: How much longer?\nRoss Geller: A-A day.\nMonica Geller: Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?\nRoss Geller: I know. That's why I did it. Come on, are they really that bad?\nChandler Bing: No, no no no. You'll be fine. Hillary's bind, right?\nMonica Geller: She will be after tonight.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh...\nRachel Green: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.\nChandler Bing: What???\nMonica Geller: Oh my god.\nRachel Green: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just...made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip she'd heard all year.\nChandler Bing: I am proud of all my friends today.\nMonica Geller: My God, Rachel, I can't believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, I'm so jealous.\nChandler Bing: Hi, I'm Chandler. Your live-in boy\nMonica Geller: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Here. Ohh, who's the silver fox?\nRachel Green: That-that is your make out buddy. Don't you recognize him? Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, Ralph doesn't look anything like that guy. He's-he's young and he's got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack.\nRachel Green: Oh My God, Phoebe, that's not Ralph Lauren. That's Kenny the copy guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren?\nRachel Green: To get you to make out with him!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh.\nMonica Geller: Okay, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. Nope. Okay, colors that don't work are blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.\nRoss Geller: I don't know what I'm going to do. That date starts in like an hour.\nMonica Geller: Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldn't look so bright.\nRoss Geller: Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.\nMonica Geller: I'm just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you.\nRoss Geller: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We're not 13 anymore.\nMonica Geller: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.\nRoss Geller: But, won't she notice I have makeup on?\nMonica Geller: Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on.\nRoss Geller: What??\nMonica Geller: All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see.\nRoss Geller: No. I am not putting on makeup.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? OH!! Demon!! Demon!!\nMonica Geller: Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn't waste these pantyhose.\nChandler Bing: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? I'm going to go over to Joey's.\nMonica Geller: Wait, we're supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but I feel like I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today. You know. In fact I think we're two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.\nMonica Geller: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You're right, I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Nah, Nah, it's okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Go over to Joey's. Go over to Joey's and drink some beer and hammer up some drywall.\nChandler Bing: You know when guys hang out they don't just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?\nMonica Geller: When girls hang out, we don't have pillow fights in our underwear. I'm sorry. We do. We do. I don't know why I said that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler. Come on in. We're knitting pot holders.\nChandler Bing: No thanks, Josephine.\nChandler Bing: Hey Ross, I was wondering if... Oh my God!! Where are all the men???\nRachel Green: Ohh, hi, Kim.\nKim: Hi Rachel.\nRachel Green: Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it didn't happen.\nKim: You didn't cancel the fabric order from Taiwan?\nRachel Green: Okay, two things didn't happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that's not true.\nKim: That's not true?\nRachel Green: No.\nKim: Oh that's interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him.\nKim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken.\nRachel Green: I-I don't want your job. I-I don't. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I don't even know how to use my keycard.\nKim: Hi Ralph.\nRalph Lauren: Hi Kim.\nKim: Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.\nHillary: And after that, what could I do except become a chef.\nRoss Geller: Mmm-Hmm.\nHillary: And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant.\nRoss Geller: Mmm.\nHillary: You know, you're a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.\nRoss Geller: Mm-Hmm.\nHillary: After a while it's like, shut your mouth, you know?\nRoss Geller: Hmm-Hmm.\nHillary: I've probably been talking too much. Why don't we talk about you a little bit?\nRoss Geller: Mmm-Unmm.\nHillary: Come on. I want to know.\nRoss Geller: Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. Okay. I, uh, am from Long Island. I-I came to the city for college. Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let's talk more about you. Hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what's really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip.\nChandler Bing: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I'm going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, I love birds.\nChandler Bing: What is the matter with you ?!?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: You're arranging flowers! You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they're just, you know, they're nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.\nChandler Bing: You're turning into a women.\nJoey Tribbiani: No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.\nChandler Bing: Now I've upset you? What did I say?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not what you said. It's the way you said it...Oh My God, I'm a woman!!!\nRachel Green: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.\nPhoebe Buffay: But why didn't you just tell her the truth.\nRachel Green: I did but she doesn't think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that?\nRachel Green: You were with Kenny today, weren't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just for a second.\nRachel Green: Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.\nRachel Green: I'm not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, sleep with Kenny.\nRachel Green: That wouldn't help me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, yes it would.\nHillary: I've had a really good time tonight.\nRoss Geller: Mmm.\nHillary: You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date.\nRoss Geller: Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. Me, neither. I've had a really good time too, you know.\nHillary: Are you going to eat that bread?\nRoss Geller: Ohh, I just like the smell. Mmmm.\nHillary: You make me laugh.\nRoss Geller: Hmm-Hmm.\nHillary: Would you like to move over to the couch?\nRoss Geller: Mmm-Hmm.\nHillary: Maybe I'll just turn the lights down a little.\nRoss Geller: How about all the way.\nHillary: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? So, ahh, where were we?\nHillary: Are those your teeth??\nRoss Geller: Ohh, you can see them, huh?\nHillary: Yes. They're insanely white.\nRoss Geller: I-I, did that for you.\nHillary: What's a matter with you?\nRoss Geller: What's a matter with me? You've got a black light. It's 1999!\nRachel Green: Kim, hi.\nKim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, I've been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.\nRachel Green: Okay..Okay.. Look. I'm sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.\nKim: Oh, really?\nRachel Green: Yeah, he dumped me. He said, \"Rachel, I can't do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful woman. I can't do this. I'm married and I'm sorry.\" And then I don't know why but he said, \"and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine.\"\nKim: You expect me to believe.. Hi Ralph.\nRalph Lauren: Hi Kim.\nKim: Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It's like he hates you. Then it is true.\nRachel Green: Of course it's true and it hurts so bad.\nKim: Ohh honey come here. Ohh it will be ok. We've all been there.\nRachel Green: You and Ralph?\nKim: Kenny the copyboy.\nJanine Lecroix: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you.\nJanine Lecroix: What's the matter? Are you upset?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry but we've got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? That's just the way it has to be.\nJanine Lecroix: Well, if that's what you want. I'll just put it all in my room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great...Great...and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didn't want to make a big deal out of this, you know. You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.\nJanine Lecroix: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.\nJanine Lecroix: Sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: And a couple of these little tiny boxes.\nJanine Lecroix: Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Okay, great! Bye. So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner?\nChandler Bing: Sydney Portier? Hehheh.\nMonica Geller: I miss Rachel. No, my parents.\nChandler Bing: Oh! That's great, they haven't seen the place since I moved in!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, and y'know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! , I was thinking we would eat around four.\nChandler Bing: Why can't I tell them that we live together?\nMonica Geller: Because they don't know we're dating. Do you think we should eat in the kitchen?\nChandler Bing: Why haven't you told them?!\nMonica Geller: Um, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn't.\nChandler Bing: Why haven't you told them?! Wouldn't they be happy?!\nMonica Geller: So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I'll see you then.\nChandler Bing: Why wouldn't they be happy?\nMonica Geller: Well, um, because mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: What? What? Why?!\nMonica Geller: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, y'know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.\nChandler Bing: Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?\nMonica Geller: Look, I know that I should've told them. I know I shouldn't care what they think. I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, it'll be okay. It'll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we'll tell 'em.\nMonica Geller: You really think that'll work?\nChandler Bing: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didn't I?\nMonica Geller: I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Oh, good, Ross! You're parents like me, right?\nRoss Geller: Yes, of course they like you!\nChandler Bing: Well Monica just told me that they don't.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, they don't like you.\nChandler Bing: Do you know why?\nRoss Geller: I dunno, maybe it's because you're really sarcastic. Or maybe it's cause you uh-\nChandler Bing: Well if people don't know they shouldn't just guess!\nChandler Bing: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin' up, eh?\nChandler Bing: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well maybe I love ya'.\nChandler Bing: .\nJanine Lecroix: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJanine Lecroix: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: No I don't want to play video games, Joey!\nJanine Lecroix: Are you guys going to Chandler's for Thanksgiving?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah, why? What's up?\nJanine Lecroix: Well, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come.\nRoss Geller: For real?\nJanine Lecroix: No, but you should go to Chandler's. Because none of us knows how to cook, we'll probably just end up drinking all day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ye-ye, we go to yours!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because it's my sister. But, uh, uh y'know actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.\nJanine Lecroix: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: How you got three women to marry you, I'll never know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel's dessert is... so good that I eat all of it. There's none left for anybody else!\nMonica Geller: Nothing.\nRachel Green: Nothing?\nMonica Geller: No, sweetie, I-I trust you.\nRachel Green: So, if-if I mess this up, there's nothing else for dessert?\nMonica Geller: You're not gonna mess it up.\nRachel Green: Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter's done?\nMonica Geller: Well, it's done about two minutes before it looks like that.\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!\nRoss Geller: And the place looks so nice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody!\nRoss Geller: Happy Thanksgiving!\nThe Girls: Happy Thanksgiving!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, this has been great!\nRoss Geller: See ya!\nMonica Geller: Whoa whoa whoa! Where're you goin'?\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh, we did say we'd stop by this little thing Joey's roommate is having.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?\nRoss Geller: Some would say she's attractive, yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: And who else is going to be there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, some of her friends, yeah.\nRachel Green: Her dancer friends?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they're gonna be, be drinkin' and dancin, and we really wanna go!\nRoss Geller: Dude, we were good!\nMonica Geller: You're not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you're gonna eat here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy.\nRoss Geller: Oh, but-but it is, uh, it's just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!\nJudy Geller: Hello everybody!\nJack Geller: Hi!\nEveryone: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Dad , Mom . Look! Look who it is it's Chandler!\nJudy Geller: Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!\nChandler Bing: Whoa, snowing out there?\nJack Geller: No.\nJack Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.\nJack Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. There's no need to laugh and point.\nMonica Geller: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.\nJack Geller: My joke wasn't funny.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.\nRachel Green: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it's making me look at him totally differently. Y'know, I mean he used to be just, y'know \"Jack Geller Monica and Ross's dad\" and now he's he's \"Jack Geller, dream hunk.\"\nRachel Green: I dunno. Y'know to me he'll always be \"Jack Geller, walks in while you're changing.\"\nMonica Geller: Y'know dad, Chandler is one of Ross's very best friends!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, y'know I've always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.\nJack Geller: I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do?\nChandler Bing: He's the headliner of a gay burlesque show.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, you're killin' us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting!\nRachel Green: Look at it, isn't it beautiful?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, what is it?\nRachel Green: It's a truffle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!\nRoss Geller: W-What was the one right before bananas?\nRachel Green: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, y'know, I thought \"well, there's mincemeat pie,\" I mean that's an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, y'know. Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y-sure!\nRachel Green: And while I'm gone don't you boys sneak a taste.\nRoss Geller: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, the pages are stuck together!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler!\nRoss Geller: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd's Pie!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! Now she's gonna start all over! We're never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!\nRoss Geller: No, no, we will. We just won't tell her she messed up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just let her serve the beef-custard thing?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it'll be like a funny Thanksgiving story!\nJoey Tribbiani: Vomiting stories are funny...\nRachel Green: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?\nRachel Green: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Still not hot enough!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn't give to be that can of condensed milk.\nMonica Geller: Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.\nJudy Geller: Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yes. Well it's very beautiful. It's cream-colored and tight I don't mean tight, I mean it's not too tight, not that I was looking at-\nJack Geller: What's the matter with him?\nJudy Geller: I think he's stoned again.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I think I might know why my parents don't like you.\nChandler Bing: You do? Why?\nRoss Geller: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.\nChandler Bing: What?! Why did you do that?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, aheh, your's was the first name that-that popped into my head, I'm I'm sorry. I-I didn't think it would matter.\nChandler Bing: How could it not matter?!\nRoss Geller: How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?\nChandler Bing: What about all that \"friends forever\" stuff?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I-I was all high.\nMonica Geller: Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned!\nChandler Bing: Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me!\nMonica Geller: Ross, I can't believe you'd do that!\nChandler Bing: The reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, I'll tell 'em it wasn't Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?\nMonica Geller: You! It's not like it's a big deal! You-you don't still do it or anything!\nRoss Geller: Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?\nMonica Geller: Dad, please don't pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if you're gonna put your feet up, why don't you sit on the-\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, leave him alone!\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janine's friends are dancers?! And that they're going to be drinking alot!?\nRachel Green: No, I did, but tell me again, because it's so romantic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well you're whippin' so slow! Can't you do it any faster?\nRachel Green: Joey! Come on! I don't wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like \"Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?\"\nRachel Green: So why don't you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh I am!\nMonica Geller: Ross, if you don't tell them, then I will!\nRoss Geller: Okay, fine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?\nRoss Geller: Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it can't? Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.\nRoss Geller: What?! What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, they're all gonna' make fun of her, do you want that?\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, we'll just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, they're not objects.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just kiddin,' I'll talk to them, you distract Rach.\nRoss Geller: Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?\nRachel Green: Okay...\nRachel Green: What's up, Ross?\nRoss Geller: So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: And um...You look nice today.\nRachel Green: Oh no. No Ross, don't do this.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I just- I don't think us getting back together is a good idea.\nRoss Geller: Eh?\nRachel Green: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Y'know? And it's probably really hard for you to be alone right now.\nRoss Geller: You're alone.\nRachel Green: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean you're alone, alone. And I just-it's just not the time for us. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Ah well, can't blame a guy for trying!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh and Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach or uh, or saying \"mmm\" and uh, oh oh! And smiling , okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel, there you are! Come on, let's serve that dessert already!\nRachel Green: Joey, you're gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You don't get any dessert.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRachel Green: No, I'm just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, it's trifle time!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn't it?\nRachel Green: It sure is.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. So then did you make it with beef or Eggplant?\nRachel Green: Beef.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't have any. You know I don't eat meat. Ohhh no.\nRachel Green: Alright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Oh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! Ya gotta take a bite with all the layers!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Op! Wait, you dropped a pea.\nRachel Green: Well?\nMonica Geller: Mmmm! It's good!\nRachel Green: Really? How good?\nMonica Geller: It's so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one who's eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.\nEveryone: Mmm.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, this is so good, that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.\nJudy Geller: I've gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monica's room.\nJack Geller: I'll help you dial.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.\nRachel Green: Okay, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it.\nRoss Geller: Wha? No no! Ah! All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.\nRoss Geller: It tastes like feet!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like it.\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.\nRachel Green: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?\nChandler Bing: Yes, but if it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, come here. Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.\nRachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, do I wanna hear this?\nPhoebe Buffay: I dunno, let's see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.\nJack Geller: Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Five minutes ago, a line like that would've floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.\nMonica Geller: Ross? Let's go.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.\nMonica Geller: Alright, you know what? That's it. You've had your chance.\nRoss Geller: Wha-what?\nMonica Geller: Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college!\nRoss Geller: You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?\nRoss Geller: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry.\nJudy Geller: It was you?\nMonica Geller: And Dad, y'know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys! Ross did!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did!\nMonica Geller: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year!\nRoss Geller: Monica and Chandler are living together!\nMonica Geller: Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I love Jacques Cousteau!\nRachel Green: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!\nJoey Tribbiani: I wanna gooooooo!\nJudy Geller: That's alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.\nJack Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.\nJudy Geller: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?\nJack Geller: What happened son?\nRoss Geller: I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!\nJudy Geller: Chandler! You've been Ross's best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.\nChandler Bing: Thank you!\nJack Geller: No! Thank you! Monica, and Ross! I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you!\nChandler Bing: I'll talk to them!\nRachel Green: You guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad!\nMonica Geller: Well actually, I-I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: No it isn't, I ate that.\nJudy Geller: Well we left ours in Monica's bedroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope, got it and I got yours too."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Let me ask you, why is everybody using these tiny lights nowadays? I remember when people used to use big lights.\nRachel Green: That's a good story, Grandpa.\nRoss Geller: Hey\nEveryone: Hey\nRoss Geller: Wow, Monica's letting other people help decorate her tree! Did someone get her drunk again or?\nMonica Geller: Having a perfectly decorated tree is not what Christmas is about. It's about being with the people that you love.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is nice and we're done. TADA!\nChandler Bing: I dunno what it is, it just doesn't quite feel like Christmas to me.\nMonica Geller: Oh, here.\nChandler Bing: See now it feels like Christmas!\nRoss Geller: ... and that's the story of the dreidle. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolising life's triumph over death. And that was like 4000 years ago.\nRachel Green: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe what's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Y'know, everywhere I look she's like...\nChandler Bing: I can see why that's hard to resist.\nJoey Tribbiani: I like her so much!\nMonica Geller: Aw, I'm sorry sweetie that she doesn't feel the same way.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. And she's so sweet. I just wanna feed her grapes and brush her hair.\nChandler Bing: You are aware that she's not a monkey, right?\nRoss Geller: I am so over Janine. I mean, yeah, at first I thought she was hot, but now she's like OLD NEWS!\nJanine Lecroix: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: Hi Janine!\nJanine Lecroix: I just got a call to be a dancer on a television special for New Year's Eve. It's called some sort of Dick'n Rock'n Dickie Eve.\nMonica Geller: Hold it! Are you talking about Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve?\nJanine Lecroix: Yeah, that's what I said.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember!\nChandler Bing: Ah, you're still just a little fat girl inside aren't you?\nJanine Lecroix: Well I'm gonna be on it this year. I'm gonna be one of the party people.\nRoss Geller: You're gonna be a party person! Those guys rock the most!\nJanine Lecroix: Well they said I should bring someone. Do you wanna be my dance partner?\nJoey Tribbiani: Totally! I would love to spend New Year's with you.\nJanine Lecroix: Well actually they're taping tomorrow. I don't really understand why.\nRoss Geller: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.\nJanine Lecroix: Yeah well, do you guys wanna come too?\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?\nMonica Geller: We are there!\nChandler Bing: What, what are you laughing at?\nRachel Green: Well, I used to date him, but you're still going out with her!\nJanine Lecroix: Thanks. Great so we can all go together! I gotta run. Catch you later!\nEveryone: Bye!\nRoss Geller: Bye Janine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did she just ask me out on a date?\nChandler Bing: I don't think so.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? She just invited him to the biggest party of the millennium!\nRachel Green: Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, I'm sorry, but I don't think that was a romantic thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. We're going to a New Year's Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Y'know? But if she says 'Dude, what the hell are you doing?' I can say 'It wasn't me, it was New Years!'\nRachel Green: Well, that's a lot better than Ross trying to kiss me in High School, and saying that he did it because he needed chapstick.\nRoss Geller: It was a dry day.\nMonica Geller: We are going to Dick Clark's New Year's Rocking Eve!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: OK, listen I've been on sets before, so let me give you a little advice, alright? It's a show, but we're just dancing, OK? It's no big deal. The important thing to remember – stay cool.\nRoss Geller: Got it!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God it's just like I dreamed it!\nDirector: OK, everyone gather up.\nDirector: Here's what's gonna happen. The music's gonna start, you're gonna dance, we're gonna tape, you don't look at the camera. Any questions?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I have a question. When is this gonna air?\nDirector: Uh, yeah. Now you guys dance over there, you guys over there, and I want you two right around here, and everyone else spread out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross! So when is it gonna air?\nRachel Green: Okay, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.\nChandler Bing: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you.\nRachel Green: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.\nChandler Bing: What? That's terrible!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, we do it every year!\nChandler Bing: Oh well, that makes it not terrible.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us that wily minx.\nRachel Green: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, them we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK?\nChandler Bing: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents!\nPhoebe Buffay: But we have to!\nChandler Bing: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I live here too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then, you should look with us.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRachel Green: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?\nChandler Bing: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that's it? A great idea!\nRachel Green: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?\nChandler Bing: If I help, we can find 'em faster!\nRachel Green: That's right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!\nRachel Green: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, who's it for?\nRachel Green: Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-oh. She may be onto us.\nRachel Green: We are so gonna find them this year.\nChandler Bing: Y'know when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you don't, you don't do that every year do you?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You don't, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?\nChandler Bing: Because that's where Joey gave me some stuff to store that I've never seen before in my life! Okay, that did not just happen!\nMonica Geller: Okay, here comes another camera.\nRoss Geller: Right. No biggie. Stay loose.\nRoss Geller: Why do they keep doing that?\nMonica Geller: If we wanna get on camera, I think we have to get up on one of those platforms. They've been taping those people up there all day.\nRoss Geller: Right.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what'd you guys do to get up on there?\nGirl: We learned how to dance.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah? Well when you learned how to dance did you forget how to put on underpants?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJanine Lecroix: Hey! You're a good dancer!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nJanine Lecroix: Yeah, well you'd be better if you just loosened your hips a little.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you mean?\nJanine Lecroix: Like this.\nJanine Lecroix: That's it, feel the rhythm. That's better.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh.\nDirector: Okay, you're dancing with that girl over there.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no we came together!\nDirector: I don't see it. You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.\nDirector: Really, y'think so? I don't..\nChandler Bing: I couldn't find anything at Joey-Hey-hey, oh hey!\nRachel Green: Yeah, we found them. There were in the guest room closet behind some coats.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and you have nothing to worry about 'cos they're all crap!\nChandler Bing: Those are my gifts, I got them for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh. Thanks Chandler they're great!\nRachel Green: Well Chandler, what is this very weird, metal A Z thing?\nChandler Bing: Those are book ends! That's a great gift!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I'm sorry, thank you for my azzz.\nRachel Green: Ha!\nChandler Bing: Make sure you put all that stuff back in the closet, okay?\nRachel Green: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey dancer girl! Can I go to the bathroom? I just.. Here we go. Looking good Gellers!\nRoss Geller: We know!\nMonica Geller: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? He's the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nDirector: Okay, everybody hold!\nDirector: Next on the platforms are... ...you two! And... ...You two!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me, sir, would it help if I weren't wearing underpants?\nRoss Geller: Monica! Would it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Tall guy! Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl that you're dancing with.\nTall Guy: She's nice, huh? To think I almost brought my wife to this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, look buddy, I came with that girl, and I had this plan to kiss her at the new years countdown – I'm trying to win her over, so I was wondering if..\nTall Guy: No I don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh come on man, you can dance with my partner, she's real, uh, mellow!\nTall Guy: Look, are you dating this girl you came with?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was hoping after tonight that maybe I could you know...\nTall Guy: No, no. She's fair game if you ask me, sorry buddy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, alright, hey y'know fair is fair, if you're right, you're right, what can I say, but hey oh no!\nTall Guy: God! What are you, in second grade?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, now you're the one who wet his pants.\nMonica Geller: Man, this sucks! Y'know if Mom and Dad don't see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, who's gonna be the losers then?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I know what'll get us up on a platform!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: The routine!\nMonica Geller: Ross, we haven't done the routine since middle school.\nRoss Geller: Hey, when the snippy guy sees the routine, he'll wanna build us our own platform!\nMonica Geller: Was it really that good?\nRoss Geller: We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, it's almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice?\nMonica Geller: Okay, let's do it. Mom and Dad are gonna be so faced!\nMonica Geller: 5 6 7 8!\nRoss Geller: So, do we really have to ask who's going up on the platform next?\nDirector: Oh no! You get up there and do that again exactly like that!\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nDirector: Make sure you get this, they're gonna want it for the bloopers show. Alright cut! Listen up everyone, when we start again it's gonna be the countdown to new years, so I wanna see everybody's excitement.\nTall Guy: Hey, pal, you have about three seconds to get away from my partner.\nDirector: What's going on over here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, take a look at the guy's pants! I mean, I know you told us to show excitement, but don't you think he went a little overboard?\nDirector: What's the matter with you? Get out of here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, take a hike wetpants!\nRoss Geller: Can you believe this? We're gonna be on the platform for the Millennium moment!\nMonica Geller: I know! Hey, you haven't been practising the routine, have you?\nRoss Geller: No!\nMonica Geller: Me too!\nRoss Geller: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, y'know?\nMonica Geller: Ross, I think we should stick to the routine, we don't wanna look stupid!\nDirector: Alright we're back! Ten seconds left here we go! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, it all comes down to this. Whatever happens, happens. Destiny.\nEveryone: Three, Two, One!\nDirector: Cut!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Year! Happy No Year!\nDirector: Okay, here's where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone that's a wrap!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Look who I found!\nChandler Bing: Oh, hey guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, birds have a very good sense of direction, and I thought maybe they could help us find where the presents are hidden.\nChandler Bing: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or we could just follow your clever jokes – any ideas? No! Didn't think so! Okay, c'mon guys, show us where the presents are!\nChandler Bing: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica that's as good as garbage?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, how about my azzz?\nRachel Green: Hey, this is hollow.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: This bench, it's hollow! I can't believe I never knew that! Oh, the presents!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, don't look directly at them!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, no, we could look at them!\nRachel Green: Oh, this one's for me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this one's for Chandler. Here.\nChandler Bing: Oh great!\nPhoebe Buffay: And the big one's for me!\nRachel Green: Ooh, let's open them!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hee hee!\nChandler Bing: Wait, we can't do this.\nChandler Bing: I don't wanna know what Monica got me. Y'know? I mean, look, I'm sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.\nRachel Green: Whatever Linus, I'm opening mine.\nChandler Bing: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I don't know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monica's face when I give her my present, and I'm sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?\nPhoebe Buffay: Will you get us better gifts?\nChandler Bing: Fine!\nMonica Geller: Hey guys! You found the presents? Chandler, you let them find the presents? Great! Do you know how long it took me to find you that water purifier?\nChandler Bing: That's what you got me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yes, I see what you mean. That look is priceless.\nJoey Tribbiani: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Year's gonna go off. I guess there's no reason for all that Y2K panic, y'know? Anyway, g'night!\nJanine Lecroix: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nJanine Lecroix: 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yoii. What was that for?\nJanine Lecroix: Well, I don't know tonight when they yelled cut and we didn't get to kiss, I was really, really, disappointed, and I just, really wanted to kiss you\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? In the moment, I really wanted to kiss you too. In the moment.\nJanine Lecroix: In the moment, yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: But only in the moment. So do ya wanna kiss again?\nJanine Lecroix: Sure, New Year's Eve is only two weeks away. Can you wait?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nJanine Lecroix: Me neither.\nJoey Tribbiani: 3, 2,\nJanine Lecroix: Joey, you don't have to count down every time we kiss.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, yeah, okay. Except I sorta felt like I needed a couple of seconds to get ready.\nMonica Geller: We were on the platform, ready to dance the world into the new Millennium, and the guy yelled 'CUT!'\nRachel Green: Uh, wait, so you guys are telling me you actually did the routine from eighth grade?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. But of course we had to update it a little bit. Hey, by the way, great thinking about catching me!\nRachel Green: 'Cos I was gonna say there's no way you could've done the end the way you guys did it back then!\nMonica Geller: What? We could do it!\nRoss Geller: I don't know, I mean you were a lot bigger, I mean, stronger back then.\nMonica Geller: I can do it, okay? Come on, let's go.\nMonica Geller: I can't do it!\nChandler Bing: Now you do that, you're on TV."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?\nMonica Geller: Honey, we have been through this before!\nRachel Green: Yeah. Don't do this to yourself.\nPhoebe Buffay: She's made it pretty clear, it is not going to happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well all right then, I guess I shouldn't get to excited about the fact that I just kissed her!\nMonica Geller: You serious?!\nChandler Bing: That's great!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, we'll see.\nRoss Geller: You kissed her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh we kissed it up real nice.\nChandler Bing: So you kissed her, so what happened after that?\nJoey Tribbiani: I came over here to tell you guys.\nChandler Bing: So she's just waiting over there for ya?\nJanine Lecroix: I gotta go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nJanine Lecroix: I'm gonna be really late for dance class!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nJanine Lecroix: Okay, now I'm really late.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I'm all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips?\nJanine Lecroix: Bye.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you kissed her yet? It's awesome! I could do it forever! Y'know what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks!\nMonica Geller: I am so glad you said cooks.\nRachel Green: I know.\nChandler Bing: Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! You can throw the rest away.\nChandler Bing: I'm not your garbage man. I'm your mailman.\nRachel Green: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered.\nMonica Geller: You got it from Pottery Barn?!\nRachel Green: Yeah! It's an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?\nChandler Bing: A pharmacist.\nMonica Geller: Rach, Phoebe hates Pottery Barn.\nJoey Tribbiani: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!\nChandler Bing: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!\nJoey Tribbiani: I was tired!\nRachel Green: Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff. She thinks her furniture should have a history, a story behind it.\nRachel Green: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.\nMonica Geller: It's gotta be one of a kind. Y'know like umm, y'know uh, what's that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I made that for her!\nChandler Bing: You made pottery?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.\nMonica Geller: I'm telling-If you put that in her apartment you'll never hear the end of it.\nRachel Green: Okay fine! I'll-I'll just tell her it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore...\nChandler Bing: ...so then the farmer says, \"That's not a cow and you're not milking it.\"\nMonica Geller: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one!\nChandler Bing: Look at us, we're a couple of couples!\nJanine Lecroix: I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant.\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: And Chandler I can't believe I let you pay for this one. Thanks man.\nMonica Geller: So do you guys gonna come over tomorrow? I'll make that pasta thing I was telling you about.\nJanine Lecroix: Oh that would be great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.\nMonica Geller: Joey, you don't have too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope-op! I insist! You get the wine right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah all right. Okay, good night guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: See ya tomorrow!\nMonica Geller: Tomorrow!\nJanine Lecroix: Can't wait!\nJanine Lecroix: How are we gonna get out of that one?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nJanine Lecroix: I can't handle two nights in a row with them.\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler?\nJanine Lecroix: I don't know, they're just a little blah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Blah?!\nJanine Lecroix: Well y'know, he's blah, she's just-she's very loud for such a small person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, they're like my best friends. Are you saying we can't hang out with them? 'Cause that would kinda be a problem.\nJanine Lecroix: No! Of course we can still hang out with them. Just y'know, not two nights in a row. Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess.\nJanine Lecroix: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you want, I'll sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it?\nRachel Green: Guess!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, a flea market?\nRachel Green: Ha! See, I knew, I knew you'd get it on the first guess. Isn't it cool! It's an apothecary table.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where they kept all the stuff to make their potions.\nRachel Green: Ohh, yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know? Ooh, you can almost smell the opium.\nRachel Green: Almost.\nPhoebe Buffay: How much was it?\nRachel Green: It was only 500 bucks.\nPhoebe Buffay: 500 bucks at a flea market?!\nRachel Green: Oh, okay see I thought, I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, y'know like back then.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no.\nRachel Green: Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was y'know, it was like a dollar.\nPhoebe Buffay: A dollar?\nRachel Green: And fifty. So it was like one and fifty dollars.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, okay, they gave you the old time pricing.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what period is it from?\nRachel Green: Uh, it's from yore. Like the days of yore. Y'know?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, yes I do. God, oh it's just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like y'know where it was from or...\nRachel Green: Yes! That I know, this is from White Plains.\nPhoebe Buffay: White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.\nRachel Green: Hey! We're here!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Ohh! Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: You like it?\nRachel Green: Oh no!\nRoss Geller: It's my new apothecary table!\nRachel Green: Ross! Phoebe's gonna be here any second, she cannot see this!\nRoss Geller: Well why not?! She'll-she'll love it! It's the real thing! I got it at Pottery Barn.\nRachel Green: I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table she's gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original.\nRoss Geller: Why did you do that?\nRachel Green: Because she hates Pottery Barn.\nRoss Geller: She hates Pottery Barn?!!\nRachel Green: I know! I know, she says it's all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. So come on, she's gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please?\nRoss Geller: What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from Phoebe-Ooh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets!\nRachel Green: Ooo! Oh, I forgot they made sheets!\nRoss Geller: Uh, yeah! I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn!\nRachel Green: Ross, get over it! It's not like she hates you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah but Pottery Barn! Y'know what I think? It's just she-she's weird. Y'know it's because she's a twin. Twins are weird.\nRachel Green: Ross, she's not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind.\nRoss Geller: Huh. Y'know what's not one of a kind? A twin!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Ooh, Phoebe's here! Okay, let's turn out all the lights and we'll just watch the movie!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Hey-Ooh, cool sheets!\nRoss Geller: Oh, you like it? You wanna know where I got it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nRachel Green: He got it a flea market!\nPhoebe Buffay: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nMonica Geller: The dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. This is so exciting.\nChandler Bing: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldn't afford it, because you paid dinner last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Thanks, but uh actually it's just gonna be me again tonight.\nMonica Geller: What happened to Janine?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, she's uh-uh really sick.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's too bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she's been in there all day , uh high fever, a nose problem... Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!\nJanine Lecroix: Monica! Chandler! I'm really-really sorry about tonight. I don't know if Joey told you; I just couldn't get out of going to this play. I'm sorry. Have a great time.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Kay!\nJanine Lecroix: Bye.\nChandler Bing: That's funny, I saw no phlegm.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, she really is sick!\nChandler Bing: Then why-why is she going to a play?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, y'know, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.\nMonica Geller: Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, she didn't want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. I'm so sorry.\nChandler Bing: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud.\nMonica Geller: What?!! What?\nChandler Bing: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?!\nMonica Geller: Ugh, I can not believe this! I mean, who is she to judge us? We could not have been nicer to her!\nChandler Bing: And I am not blah, I am a hoot!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, don't-don't be mad. I'm sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Y'know? And it was our first date! Plus, she's really sick!\nChandler Bing: No, you sh-No you said you made that up!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, but don't you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?\nChandler Bing: Eh, they're both good. I generally just go with, Monica's drunk again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on you guys, come on please-please just give her another chance, huh? She'll come around I promise.\nMonica Geller: Of course we will, come on we gotta make dinner.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I do not like that woman!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can hear you!\nMonica Geller: I am loud!\nEveryone: Aww!\nRachel Green: That's funny.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new...old sheet?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh sure! Noo!\nRachel Green: Ohh!!\nRoss Geller: My apothecary table!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRachel Green: Noooooo!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, where did you get this?!\nRoss Geller: I got it at Pottery Barn!! Okay?!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Oh my God, well if they've ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars!\nRachel Green: Oh yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well this doesn't even smell like opium.\nRoss Geller: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Ross, calm down, I'll give you the 80 cents.\nChandler Bing: Okay, one more time.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?\nChandler Bing: Perfect decibel.\nMonica Geller: I know!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh, what are you guys doing?\nChandler Bing: Oh nothing, we're just talking. Y'know, blah-blah-blah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.\nMonica Geller: Well, I'd like to but, I'm not sure we have time to go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ha-ha, very funny-Look! I don't know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!\nMonica Geller: We owe you?!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!\nMonica Geller: We didn't give you any money!\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't think I know that!\nRachel Green: ...see I can't decide whether it would go better next to the new wicker dining chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table.\nRoss Geller: Wow! I didn't know that there was a Pottery Barn up here.\nRachel Green: I know, I know. I went a little crazy.\nRoss Geller: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Ross no. Be careful, that is very old! Okay? Early Colonial bird merchants used to bring their birds to market in that.\nRoss Geller: Fascinating.\nPhoebe Buffay: Another amazing find! Wow! Oh I bet this has a great story too!\nRachel Green: Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah!\nRoss Geller: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel?\nRachel Green: Well there's yore. And uh, y'know, yesteryear.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah no, I'm telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, y'know if you ever decide you need to redecorate-And I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.\nRachel Green: Oh honey he doesn't need my help.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, come on! I think he's ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.\nRoss Geller: Really?! Hey, y'know what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, here's-here's 60 bucks, why don't you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.\nRachel Green: Y'know what? I don't, I don't think Phoebe really wants to come.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! I do want to!\nRachel Green: Oh, she does want to.\nRoss Geller: She does want to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I don't know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uck, look at this! Pottery Barn, yuck!\nRachel Green: Yeah, y'know what? Don't look at it. Seriously, don't look at it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Look-look! There's the coffee table they stole from us!\nRachel Green: Ugh, those bastards! Let's go.\nPhoebe Buffay: That fan kinda looks like ours. And the birdcage and the...wait a sec! This is our exact living room!\nRachel Green: No! No! No! No it's not! No it's not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we don't have the... We don't have the...that lamp! And-and that screen is y'know, on the other side.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God. This is where you got all our stuff, Pottery Barn! Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Okay! Okay-okay look-no I did, I just wanted this stuff and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn. Just... Come on don't be mad.\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And it's all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I don't have that lamp!\nRachel Green: Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't! I can't! Unless... Well are you saying that-that you would move out if-if I didn't buy that lamp?\nRachel Green: What?! No! I'm not gonna move out!\nPhoebe Buffay: But are you saying that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp?\nRachel Green: Oh. Yes! I would so move out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay then I don't have a choice! I have to buy that lamp!\nRachel Green: That's right!\nPhoebe Buffay: But at least the apothecary table is real.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, this-this-this was great. Didn't everybody have a great time?\nJanine Lecroix: Well I did. I really did. And you guys, I've got to say, I'm sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something.\nChandler Bing: That's totally understandable.\nMonica Geller: Don't worry about it.\nJanine Lecroix: So we can go out again?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah!\nMonica Geller: Absolutely!\nJanine Lecroix: Oh good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well then, good night!\nMonica Geller: Good night!\nJoey Tribbiani: See? Eh, wasn't that fun?\nJanine Lecroix: We have got to move!\nMonica Geller: I knew it!! Y'know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy!\nChandler Bing: And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, \"Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment.\"\nJanine Lecroix: Y'know, I know you're talking, but all I hear is, \"Blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah.\"\nMonica Geller: All right! You and me! Let's go! Right now!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I think you can take her.\nMonica Geller: You'd better hope I don't see you in the hallway!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, uh, we've got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you can't treat them that way.\nJanine Lecroix: They said stuff to me too, y'know!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I know! And I'm going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They... They're like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I... I don't think we can be together. It just, it just can't work. It can't. I'm very upset.\nJanine Lecroix: Okay. Okay. Would, would it help if I went over and apologized?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah.\nMonica Geller: What did I tell you about the hall?!\nJanine Lecroix: I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior! I'd really like it if we could be friends.\nMonica Geller: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too.\nJanine Lecroix: Great.\nMonica Geller: Now come on. Well, I'm glad we worked things out.\nJanine Lecroix: Me too.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nJanine Lecroix: I'll see you.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nJanine Lecroix: Or I'll hear you.\nMonica Geller: That's it big girl! Come on!\nJanine Lecroix: Wait!\nMonica Geller: You'd better run!\nChandler Bing: Did you hear that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah uh, what am I gonna do?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm sorry man. You wanna go watch?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: How ya doin'?\nChandler Bing: Hey so, did uh, did she move out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty much, yeah.\nMonica Geller: I cannot believe you broke up with her just like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, when it's not right, you know it.\nChandler Bing: You okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah. I'll be all right.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what would cheer you up?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: I'm giving this lecture on erosion theories tomorrow night, I think you should come.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right! That did cheer me up!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey, you're not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures.\nMonica Geller: That didn't work on mom, it's not going to work on us.\nRoss Geller: Here, check it out. It's the first one, too.\nChandler Bing: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: I made that joke up.\nRoss Geller: Uh, oh-oh, no you didn't. I did.\nChandler Bing: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.\nRoss Geller: Hey, tell Dan, 'Thanks.'\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny.\nChandler Bing: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Seriously?\nMonica Geller: Well, you tell a lot of jokes!\nRoss Geller: Look, Chandler, it's my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they don't print the name, so it doesn't really matter who gets credit, right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I guess.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.\nRoss Geller: No, it's my joke, it's mine. You can call them, they'll tell you.\nChandler Bing: It's my joke.\nRoss Geller: It's my joke.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?\nChandler Bing: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's go watch it at your place.\nChandler Bing: Nah, Monica's watching some cooking show. Come on, I don't want to miss when they were skinny.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, Chandler, y'know what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.\nChandler Bing: What? No, I want to watch this. . Did your cable go out?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, that's VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . It's like a lotta noise to me. I don't know...\nChandler Bing: Joey, why is your cable out?\nJoey Tribbiani: I uh, oh! Because, uh, I haven't really paid the bill\nChandler Bing: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, Chandler. Look, forget about it, okay? Look, I know things have been a little tight since Janine moved out. Oh, was she hot.\nChandler Bing: Whoa ho.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book .\nChandler Bing: All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nChandler Bing: Paid your phone bill?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: It's only you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wh-wh-what are you doing?\nRachel Green: We are looking at a Playboy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I want to look too! . Yikes!\nMonica Geller: So do you think that these pictures-Are, are they trying to tell a story?\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, 'Where are they, where are they?'\nMonica Geller: Well, she's not going to find them lying in the grass like that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?\nRachel Green: You see, now, I would date this girl. She's cute, she's outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, that's got to come in handy\nMonica Geller: Okay, I've got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?\nRachel Green: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: Me neither.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. Me neither.\nJoey Tribbiani: You forget how many great songs Heart had.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.\nChandler Bing: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it.\nRoss Geller: What, you didn't get it? The doctor is a monkey.\nChandler Bing: And monkeys can't write out prescriptions.\nChandler Bing: You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.\nRoss Geller: Your joke? Well, I think 'the Hef' would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.\nChandler Bing: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.\nRoss Geller: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think I'll show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.\nChandler Bing: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.\nRoss Geller: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm not going to go now anyway .\nChandler Bing: Okay .\nGunther: Here you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin' for stuff.\nGunther: Well, if you want, you can work here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I don't know. Ya see, it's just, see I was a regular on a soap opera y'know? And to go from that to this, I just... Plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends.\nGunther: Okay, but the money's good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nGunther: Flexible hours.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?\nMonica Geller: She picked Rachel. I mean, she tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel.\nChandler Bing: He took my joke, he took it.\nMonica Geller: It's wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.\nChandler Bing: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? I'm going to get a joke journal. Y'know? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.\nMonica Geller: That's a good idea.\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Do you know what's a bad idea?\nChandler Bing: Picking Rachel.\nMonica Geller: That's right. Did you hear something?\nChandler Bing: Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.\nMonica Geller: It's coming from the living room.\nJoey Tribbiani: I finished my book.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you guys.\nMonica Geller: Oh, don't you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple.\nRachel Green: Monica, what are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Nothing, I'm just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.\nPhoebe Buffay: I guess it was kinda funny.\nMonica Geller: It wasn't funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didn't you pick me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that you're ... just ... kinda high maintenance-Okay let's go to lunch!\nMonica Geller: That is completely untrue. You think I'm high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and we're going to go through it point by point!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, okay, you're right. You're easy-going. You're just not as easy-going as Rachel. She's just more flexible and-and mellow. That's all.\nRachel Green: Well, people are different.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ya, you know, Rachel ... she'll do whatever you want. Y'know, you can just walk all over her.\nRachel Green: What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, you're not a pushover.\nRachel Green: Oh my ... you think I'm a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? You're not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think that's pretty strong, that's what I think. Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch.\nMonica Geller: You start working on that list.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe her.\nMonica Geller: I know. Where do you wanna go eat?\nRachel Green: Oh, oh, I love that Japanese place.\nMonica Geller: I'm sick of Japanese. We're not going there.\nRachel Green: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.\nMonica Geller: All right.\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.\nGunther: Yeah, that-that Chandler cracks me up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, 'cause I'm heading up there.\nRoss Geller: Uh, yeah, I'll take a coffee. Thanks, man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. Coffee? 'Cause I'm going up there.\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: No, thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys need anything, 'cause I'm heading up there.\nWoman: I'd love an ice water.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it.\nMonica Geller: Joey, what are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just being friendly.\nRachel Green: Joey, honey, I don't think you're supposed to go back there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah, it's okay. Right, Gunther?\nGunther: Don't wink at me. And put on your apron.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, but I don't see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.\nMonica Geller: Joey, do you work here?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nCustomer: Hey, waiter.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Joey, what's going on. What didn't you tell us you work here?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's kind of embarrassing, y'know. I mean, I was an actor and now I'm a waiter. It's supposed to go in the other direction.\nChandler Bing: So is your apron. You're wearing it like a cape.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? I guess I'm going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.\nRachel Green: Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that weird.\nRoss Geller: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still haven't gotten it.\nJoey Tribbiani: See, now it's weird again.\nChandler Bing: I Think It's Great That You Work Here. You'Re Going To Make A Lot Of Money, And Here's Your First Tip. Don't eat yellow snow. . Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.\nRachel Green: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. A smile goes a long way. And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Y'know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It's all about turnover.\nRoss Geller: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I'll toss in a free muffin.\nRachel Green: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?\nRachel Green: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.\nMonica Geller: Hah!\nPhoebe Buffay: That true, I am flaky.\nRachel Green: So, what, you're just, you're just okay with being flaky?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, totally.\nMonica Geller: Well, then, I'm okay with being high maintenance.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's great. Good for you guys.\nMonica Geller: I am not high maintenance!\nRachel Green: I am not a pushover!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who said you were?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm flaky. I'll say anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.\nGunther: No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, it's a great part. Look, check it out. I'm the lead guy's best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. 'I'm sorry, that seat's saved.'\nGunther: That's the whole part?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but ...\nGunther: Okay, I'll see you in an hour.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. 'I'm sorry, that seat is taken.'\nPatron: Oh, excuse me.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, I didn't mean you. But, you believed me, huh?\nPatron: I believed you were saving this seat for someone.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you'd hire me, right?\nPatron: For what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.\nCustomers: Huh? What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy. I'm sure you all read about it.\nRoss Geller: It's my joke.\nChandler Bing: It's my joke.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, I don't think we're going to settle this.\nChandler Bing: Let's have Monica decide.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Hey Mon.\nChandler Bing: Mon, get out here!\nRoss Geller: Monica!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.\nMonica Geller: Why do I have to decide?\nChandler Bing: Because you're the only one that can be fair.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I can't be fair. You're my boyfriend.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but I'm your brother. We're family. That's the most important thing in the world.\nChandler Bing: Don't try to sway her. I'm your only chance to have a baby. Okay, let's go.\nRoss Geller: We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth-me.\nMonica Geller: Okay, Chandler, you go first.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.\nMonica Geller: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?\nChandler Bing: Can I finish my story?!\nMonica Geller: Do you want me to pick you?!\nRoss Geller: See, I would never snap at you like that.\nMonica Geller: Continue.\nChandler Bing: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steve's doctor's name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, 'Doctor Monkey?' And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up.\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, I'm a doctor, and I had a monkey. I'm Doctor Monkey!\nChandler Bing: I'm not arguing with that.\nMonica Geller: All right, I've heard enough. I've made my decision.\nMonica Geller: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and it's offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!\nRoss Geller: It's your joke.\nChandler Bing: Is not.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Chandler. There you are.\nChandler Bing: Hi, oh hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why don't you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?\nChandler Bing: Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and-generosity of spirit.\nRachel Green: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? I've heard better.\nMonica Geller: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I'm out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?\nMonica Geller: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!\nChandler Bing: You're a little high maintenance.\nMonica Geller: Ahhh! You are on my list.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. You're not easy-going, but you're passionate, and that's good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I'm pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that's good too. So, they can say that you're high maintenance, but it's okay, because I like ... maintaining you.\nMonica Geller: I didn't even tell him to say that. . All right you're off my list.\nChandler Bing: I'm off the list.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, it's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, suddenly I find you very attractive.\nChandler Bing: Hey, buddy boy, how'd the audition go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Not good, no. I didn't get the part, and I lost my job here, so ...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! That is a bad audition.\nRachel Green: How-how did you lose your job here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.\nRachel Green: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when you've been working here two days? That's not, that's not right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, what are ya gonna do?\nRachel Green: Joey, you can't let him get away with that. Ya know what, I'm not going to let him get away with that. I'm going to say something to him-No, I really shouldn't say anything-No, I should say something to him. Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him...\nGunther: Okay.\nRachel Green: What?\nGunther: He can have his job back.\nRachel Green: That's right, he can have his job back. I'm glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great. Thanks Rach.\nRachel Green: Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now who's a pushover?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach, you're in my seat.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.\nMonica Geller: I pick you, Phoebe.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, I kinda thought.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?\nRoss Geller: No way.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not answering that.\nChandler Bing: Joey! No way. I'm not answering that."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together that's $12.75.\nChandler Bing: This coming from the man who couldn't split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.\nWoman: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nWoman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.\nWoman: Oh great! Well, tell him thanks. And since uh, Joey seems like such a nice guy, maybe we could go on a date sometime?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he's not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with him-He says it's okay. Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!\nRoss Geller: Hey Joey, how come our stuff isn't free?\nJoey Tribbiani: It will be when you look like that in a tight skirt! This is great! I'm getting more dates than ever!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute, you're only giving free stuff away to the pretty girls?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah Joey that is so gross!\nJoey Tribbiani: How about a scone on the house baby?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm pretty.\nRoss Geller: Hey does anyone have any gum?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I do! Oh, y'know what? No. Wait a second. I know it's in here somewhere.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I'm good! I'm good!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?\nMonica Geller: Ugh, they sent me home. They said I can't work if I'm sick.\nEveryone: Ohh!\nChandler Bing: I'm so sorry you're sick.\nMonica Geller: I'm not sick!! I don't get sick! Getting sick is for weaklings and for pansies!\nRachel Green: Honey, no one thinks you're a pansy, but we do think you need a tissue.\nMonica Geller: I have not been sick in over three years!\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna grab you some tissue.\nMonica Geller: I don't need a tissue! I'm fine-d!\nRoss Geller: When you put a 'D' at the end of 'Fine' you're not fine.\nMonica Geller: I'm fine-d. I'm fine-d! Y'know, it's a really hard word to say.\nChandler Bing: Yes?\nWoman: Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Jill!\nJill Green: Oh my God, Rachel!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, introduce us!\nRachel Green: This is Chandler.\nJill Green: Hi!\nRachel Green: And you know Monica and Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi Jill.\nRachel Green: And that's Phoebe , and that's Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how you doin'?\nRachel Green: Don't!! Honey, what are you doing here?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or that's bitter?\nJill Green: Daddy cut me off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Never mind, I got it.\nJill Green: And y'know what I said to him? \"I'm gonna hire a lawyer and I'm gonna sue you and take all your money. Then I'm gonna cut you off!\"\nRachel Green: Wow! What did he say?\nJill Green: That he wouldn't pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter he's actually proud off.\nRachel Green: Oh! Did you hear that?! My dad's proud of me! My dad's proud of me.\nMonica Geller: Rach?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, sorry. Wait honey, so what did you do that made dad cut you off?\nJill Green: Okay, I bought a boat.\nMonica Geller: You bought a boat?\nJill Green: Yeah but it wasn't for me, it was for a friend.\nChandler Bing: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister!\nRachel Green: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that could've ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! I'm the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get a job, you're gonna get an apartment, and then I'll help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course, yeah!\nJill Green: Oh, that's so great! Okay, I'm really gonna do this! I don't know how to thank you guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I like cards.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you all finished here?\nCustomer: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great!\nGunther: Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nGunther: For all the free food you gave away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well if it's free food, how come you're charging me for it?\nGunther: We don't give anything away unless it's someone's birthday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?\nGunther: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sorry!\nJill Green: I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy.\nRoss Geller: Jill, how did you pay for all this? I thought your dad took away your credit card.\nJill Green: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! This is my \"Please, hire me\" sweater. And these are my, \"Don't you want to rent me this apartment?\" pants.\nRoss Geller: I don't think charging new clothes too your dad qualifies as making it on your own.\nJill Green: Oh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical!\nPhoebe Buffay: Seriously, I don't Rachel's gonna think it's a good idea.\nJill Green: So who made her queen of the world?\nPhoebe Buffay: I would love that job!\nRachel Green: Hey! What's goin' on?\nJill Green: Hey!\nRachel Green: Jill! Did you shop?!\nJill Green: No! They did!\nRachel Green: You went shopping?! What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jill's nose when you know she's trying to quit. Wow, you guys are terrible!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry Jill.\nRoss Geller: Sorry-sorry Jill.\nRachel Green: What'd you get?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, all right, I got thank you, I got uh, this y'know \"I want a job sweater.\"\nRachel Green: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: And, and then I got uh, these are apartment pants.\nRachel Green: Apartment pants?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you never heard of them?\nRachel Green: No, of course, of course I've heard of them! Ross, what did you get?\nRoss Geller: Huh? Oh, I got this-this!\nRachel Green: A pajmena?\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Oh, I-I love this babies!\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Ross, wants a pajmena?\nRoss Geller: It's a rug.\nRachel Green: Jill?\nJill Green: I'm sorry Rachel, I'm sorry...\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! You think that's gonna work on me?! I invented that!\nJill Green: Right! But, I am sorry.\nRachel Green: All right, it's okay. One little setback is okay, just don't let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But I'm just gonna take the-the pajmena. And the uh, and the uh pants. Y'know what, I'm just gonna take it all away, 'cause that way you'll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, I'm gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner.\nJill Green: She took all my stuff.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one.\nJill Green: That's the best one! Oh my God, thank you so much!\nRoss Geller: Well. Hey...\nJill Green: Oh my gosh, that was so lame. Like a pajmena could be a rug!\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, how about you and the, \"I'm sorry!\"\nJill Green: Shut up! I did not sound like that at all!\nPhoebe Buffay: What about, what about when I said y'know about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?\nJill Green: Were you this cute in high school?\nRoss Geller: Oh stop.\nJill Green: No you stop!\nRoss Geller: No, you stop!\nJill Green: You stop!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay-okay, why don't I sit here and you'll both stop it!\nMonica Geller: Okay, so what do you, what do you want to do? Let's do something crazy!\nChandler Bing: I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'll rest. But y'know if I'm going to bed, then you're coming with me.\nChandler Bing: That would be impossible to resist if you weren't all drippy here.\nMonica Geller: Are you saying that you don't wanna get with this?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I don't you should say that even when you're healthy.\nMonica Geller: Come on.\nChandler Bing: Don't take this personally okay? It's just that I just can't have sex with a sick person.\nMonica Geller: I'm with you Chandler! I mean I can't have sex with a sick person either, that's disgusting! But I'm not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.\nChandler Bing: That's the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRachel Green: What's up?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I think there's something you should maybe know.\nRachel Green: Well, it'd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No. It's just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, I'm pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I mean it's probably nothing, but I just wanted to warn you that there might be something there.\nRachel Green: With Ross and Jill?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: With Ross and my sister?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: With my sister Jill and my ex-boyfriend Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh there is no way.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay then.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I don't really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isn't that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and they're gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I can't stop it! I can't-I don't own Ross! Y'know? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: But great news about the apartment pants, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: That'll be $3.85.\nWoman: What do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's just I can't because my manager said I... \"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Annie...\nWoman: Amy!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"...Amy! Happy birthday to you!\"\nA Male Customer: Hey, that's weird, today's my birthday too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, not it here it isn't.\nJill Green: Sorry I'm late, what's up?\nRachel Green: Oh hi! Y'know, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.\nJill Green: Oh no! But I just walked past three sales and I didn't go in. How strong am I?\nRachel Green: That is great. Hey, y'know who doesn't have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.\nJill Green: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh so you know that, you guys talked about that, so you get along, so you think you're gonna go out?\nJill Green: Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that?\nRachel Green: I just, Phoebe, said y'know thought she saw something between you guys.\nJill Green: No! I mean he's nice.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJill Green: He's the kind of guy you're friends with, y'know? But he's not the kind of guy you date. He's the kind of guy you'd date because you did. Me, not so much.\nRachel Green: Oh not-not so much. Umm, what-what do you, what do you mean is there something wrong with Ross?\nJill Green: Oh no-no-no, he's just I don't know, he's just a little bookish.\nRachel Green: Are-are you saying he's a geek?\nJill Green: You think so too?\nRachel Green: No! No I, no Ross is not a geek!\nJill Green: Fine, then let's just say he's not my type.\nRachel Green: What handsome is not your type? Smart? Kind? Good kisser? What those things aren't on your list? Ross is a great guy! You would be lucky to be with him!\nJill Green: Well okay, if it means that much to you, then I'll ask him out.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no, no-no-no, that's not what I meant.\nJill Green: No! Y'know what Rachel? You're right, y'know he has been really nice to me.\nRachel Green: Yeah but, he's not your type.\nJill Green: Yeah but maybe that's a good thing. Y'know I'm doing all these different sorts of things, and maybe I should try dating a geek too!\nRachel Green: Yeah but, you don't, you don't, you don't want to try to much too fast. Y'know? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast don't you?\nJill Green: What?\nRachel Green: She-she died Jill.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? Oh-ohhhh!\nMonica Geller: Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed.\nChandler Bing: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.\nMonica Geller: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room.\nChandler Bing: I was asleep. Oh no! No-no honey! Y'know what's sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.\nMonica Geller: Come on, get into bed! I want to prove to you that I'm not sick! I wanna make you feel, as good as I feel.\nChandler Bing: Would you please get some rest!\nMonica Geller: I'm fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Happy birthday to you!\"\nGunther: You're paying for that.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? No-no it's her birthday!\nGunther: You've sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!\nJoey Tribbiani: But it really...\nGunther: You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!\nRoss Geller: Rach? Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?\nRachel Green: Well yeah...\nRoss Geller: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think she's cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never!\nRachel Green: Really?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah but after you said it was okay, I figured, \"Why not?!\"\nRachel Green: Oh so-so not really never.\nRoss Geller: I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all we've been through, I just-y'know I wish I had a brother to reciprocate. Hey, if you ever want to go out with Monica, you have my blessing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho, and mine!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, I think I'm sick.\nChandler Bing: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!\nMonica Geller: Okay, fine I admit it! I feel terrible! Would you please rub this on my chest?\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no-no-no, you are not getting me this way.\nMonica Geller: Come on! I really need your help!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no!\nMonica Geller: Fine, I'll rub it on myself.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: So you're just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: It's nice.\nMonica Geller: Are you kidding me?! Is this; is this turning you on?\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?\nChandler Bing: It's all very, very good. So you wanna go uh, mix it up?\nMonica Geller: Not now, I'm sick!\nChandler Bing: Oh come on you big faker!\nMonica Geller: What happened to your rule about never sleeping with sick people?\nChandler Bing: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.\nMonica Geller: Okay, if you really wanna have sex...\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Worked like a charm.\nJill Green: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! Wh-what are you doing here?\nJill Green: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I don't like it.\nJill Green: Really?!\nRachel Green: It's kinda slutty.\nJill Green: It's yours!\nRachel Green: Yeah well, I'm-I'm a slut.\nJill Green: Me too.\nRoss Geller: Hi Jill!\nJill Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi .\nRachel Green: Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Rachel! Well, you-you're not at home, you're-you're-you're right here.\nRachel Green: Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But it's not!\nRoss Geller: Okay. So well I'll umm, I'll have her home by midnight.\nRachel Green: Why aren't you home yet?!\nMonica Geller: Is someone there?\nRachel Green: Oh yes, it's me! Sorry!\nChandler Bing: What are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Uh, I'm just, I'm just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing?\nChandler Bing: We got some Vap-O-Rub in some places.\nRachel Green: Oh, he brought her back to his apartment.\nMonica Geller: Who? Is that your sister?\nRachel Green: Ugh, she is a slut!\nMonica Geller: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, look-look he's taking off her clothes!\nChandler Bing: He's taking off her coat!\nRachel Green: Oh, this is just terrible.\nMonica Geller: Oh no it's not, no it's not. It's a first date. I'm sure that nothing is gonna...\nRachel Green: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Ho-oh, he's gonna get some! Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Y'know so umm, he's closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. Well, I'm off to bed!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh... Oh wait, I don't have to lie to you, you don't live here anymore. Uh, I'm eating their food. What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, I didn't know we could date your sister!\nMonica Geller: Joey we know you steal our food.\nChandler Bing: I'm good.\nMonica Geller: Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?\nRachel Green: Yeah. And y'know who should've shut their drapes? Is that perverted old couple two doors over.\nChandler Bing: Is that a swing?\nRachel Green: Oh don't even ask!\nChandler Bing: Yuck!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe Ross went out with Rachel's sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.\nChandler Bing: That was like 5 years ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah you got 5 years left!\nChandler Bing: Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: You wanna make it 6?!\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: I'll take a coffee. So how was your big date last night?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.\nRachel Green: Yeah fun? Great! So uh, so did you guys hit it off?\nRoss Geller: I guess so.\nRachel Green: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!\nRoss Geller: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.\nRachel Green: Oh, slides. So really nothing happened.\nRoss Geller: Something could've happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe.\nRachel Green: Right. Was it the, \"Please don't show me another picture of a trilobite vibe?\"\nRoss Geller: Anyway, if she, if she wasn't in to me, why-why would she ask me out again?\nRachel Green: She asked-asked you out again?\nRoss Geller: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.\nRachel Green: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I can't! I can't! I can't! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just can't. It's just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I can't do it! I can't do it.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! Okay! It's okay. It's okay. Hey, it's too weird for you, I won't see her again.\nRachel Green: Thank you. I...yeah.\nRoss Geller: I mean after tomorrow night.\nRachel Green: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I can't! I can't do it! It's just gonna freak me out!!!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! Ooh-hey-hey-hey! Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll-I'll tell her tonight I can't see her anymore.\nRachel Green: Ross thanks.\nRoss Geller: You want me to call her right now?\nRachel Green: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on that's-that's crazy-I mean that's crazy. So what's-what's going on with you? What is going on with you?\nRoss Geller: Well umm, oh! I might be teaching another class this semester!\nRachel Green: Yeah do it now, call right now.\nMonica Geller: This is my favorite part.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh y'know what's sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.\nChandler Bing: Well see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon!\nJoey Tribbiani: You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?\nChandler Bing: Yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer!\nMonica Geller: Chandler there's nothing wrong with crying! I mean you don't have to be so macho all the time.\nChandler Bing: I'm not macho.\nMonica Geller: Yeah you're right. I don't know what I was thinking.\nChandler Bing: No, I guess I just never really cried. Y'know? I'm not a crying kind of guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?\nChandler Bing: I'd be sad sure, but I wouldn't cry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, what if the puppy said, \"Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me.\"\nChandler Bing: Cry?! I just found a talking puppy, I'm rich!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I've got it! I have got it! Pictures from your childhood. This will get you going good!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, what's going on there?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's Parent's Day, first grade. That's me with the janitor Martin.\nMonica Geller: Where were your parents?\nChandler Bing: Oh they didn't want to come!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Chandler!\nMonica Geller: Poor thing!\nPhoebe Buffay: So that story doesn't make you cry?\nChandler Bing: No! Look, I don't cry! It's not a big deal! Okay?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! It's not okay! It's not okay at all!! You're dead inside!!\nThe Fan: Excuse me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nThe Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nThe Fan: Can-can I get your autograph, I'm your biggest fan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you're my biggest fan? I've always wanted to meet you! Hi! Sure! Yeah!\nThe Fan: Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think you're really talented.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're just saying that because you're my biggest fan. Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? He's a fan. Bye!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?\nThe Fan: I have no idea what you're talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you're Phoebe's fan!\nThe Fan: Oh yeah! I've seen all her movies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Movies?\nThe Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't think so.\nThe Fan: No-no, it was! She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of Alabia, and I got her autograph! The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Gunther, don't let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebe's a porn star!\nGunther: Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspecther Gadget.\nJill Green: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJill Green: You'll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didn't even tell me why!\nRachel Green: Ohhh well. Y'know what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! He's a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.\nJill Green: Y'know, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I'm not gonna date some random guy from your work.\nRachel Green: It's not random, it's Bob.\nJill Green: It's probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesn't like the way I dress-No that can't be it. It's really gotta be the smart thing. Oh I'm so stupid! I'm just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl!\nRachel Green: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.\nJill Green: You asked him too?!\nRachel Green: Hm-mmm.\nJill Green: Why?!\nRachel Green: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history...\nJill Green: I don't understand, do you want to go out with Ross?\nRachel Green: No.\nJill Green: You don't want him, but you don't want me to have him?\nRachel Green: Y'know Bob in Human Resources...\nJill Green: Ugh! I cannot believe you did this too me! You had me doubting how smart I was! You had me doubting my fashion sense!\nRachel Green: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just don't date Ross! There's a million other guys out there, you just...\nJill Green: Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do.\nRachel Green: I'm not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!\nJill Green: Why are you so jealous of me?\nRachel Green: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you can't have!\nJill Green: Can't have?! Excuse me, the only thing I can't have is dairy!\nRachel Green: All right, all right, well you just blew your chances at dating Bob!\nJill Green: Who?!\nRachel Green: In Human Resources!!!!!!\nRachel Green: ...I am jealous of her?! I mean who does she think she is?! Princess Caroline?!\nMonica Geller: You're jealous of Princess Caroline?\nRachel Green: Do I have my own castle?\nRoss Geller: Hey! Uh, Phoebe's not here is she?\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Oh great! Did you get a movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I don't think it's the kind you're gonna like.\nChandler Bing: You didn't get more movies that are gonna have us reaching for the tissues all night did you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sort of...\nMonica Geller: Guys, what's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe's a porn star!\nEveryone: What?!!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe Buffay In Buffay The Vampire Layer.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: That's Phoebe! Where did you get that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well down at the adult video place down on Bleaker.\nRoss Geller: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didn't know he was in there.\nRachel Green: Wow! I mean, I just-I can't, I can't believe this. Y'know, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe who's always been somewhat of a question mark.\nMonica Geller: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, y'know she had such a terrible childhood.\nChandler Bing: Hey, I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.\nMonica Geller: Yes, but you are dead inside.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right well, I'd better take that back.\nMonica Geller: Wh-what, why?\nJoey Tribbiani: We can't watch that! I mean that's Phoebe!\nMonica Geller: Yeah you're right, we can't-we shouldn't watch this.\nRachel Green: Absolutely not.\nMonica Geller: Y'know maybe a little bit!\nRachel Green: Probably just the first half.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebe's our friend! Well, I'm not gonna watch it!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Good for you Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nThe Vampire: Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?\nMonica Geller: Hold on a second! What is that on her ankle?\nChandler Bing: Her ankle is what you're watching?\nRachel Green: Well it's hard to tell... Oh God, if she would just stop moving.\nChandler Bing: She's just doing her job!\nJoey Tribbiani: You sick bastards!\nRachel Green: Oh, it's a tattoo! That's weird, Phoebe doesn't... Wait that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe that is Ursula!\nJoey Tribbiani: Re! Re! Then I can watch that! Rewind it! Rewind it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! What's up? Oh my God! What am I doing?!!\nMonica Geller: Hey sweetie!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Chicken Soup for the Soul?\nChandler Bing: There's no back to this couch!\nMonica Geller: Why are you reading this? You hate this kind of stuff.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I know, but I figured a shot y'know? Maybe one of those stories would make me cry and then you wouldn't think I was y'know, all dead inside.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's so sweet! Look Chandler I don't care if you can't cry, I love you.\nChandler Bing: Oh that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.\nMonica Geller: Stop it!\nChandler Bing: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, we're up at the altar and I'm like this.\nMonica Geller: I won't care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you don't cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it won't matter to me.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well I won't uh, worry about this anymore then.\nMonica Geller: And-and-and if I die, from a long illness. And you're writing out my eulogy and you open a desk drawer and you find a note from me that says, \"I will always be with you,\" and you still can't shed one tiny tear, I know you'll be crying a river inside.\nChandler Bing: Aww, I love you so...\nMonica Geller: What is wrong with you?!!!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nMonica Geller: What?! You can't shed a tear for your dead wife!! Now, I left you a note from the beyond!\nChandler Bing: So you didn't mean any of that?!\nMonica Geller: No you robot!!\nRoss Geller: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to... Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-that's just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, they've really taken a liking to me. Uhh what's-what's-what's the matter?\nJill Green: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know we're not supposed to see each other anymore and I'm okay with that, it's just that I don't know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.\nRoss Geller: Of course, what happened?\nJill Green: I don't want to talk about it.\nRoss Geller: Okay, umm...\nJill Green: But you know what might really cheer me up?\nRoss Geller: What?\nJill Green: Seeing some more of your super-cool slides.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Really?!\nJill Green: Totally, I love them! And, maybe you could finish telling me about all the different kinds of sand.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'd love to! Here, you wait right here and I'll go get the projector and my notes!\nJill Green: Oh great! Thanks Ross, you're such a good friend!\nRoss Geller: Ohh!\nRachel Green: Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I can't find her anywhere.\nMonica Geller: No, I haven't.\nRachel Green: Well, is Ross home? Maybe I'll just call him to see if he's actually seen her.\nUrsula Buffay: Who is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Phoebe! Phoebe!\nUrsula Buffay: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God. So-so you're making porn movies.\nUrsula Buffay: No I'm not.\nMan's Voice: We're still rolling!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're making one right now!\nAnother Man's Voice: Let's go Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: And-and you're using my name!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, can I help you with something?\nSame Man's Voice: Phoebe, come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, I'm talking right now! You're-you mean her.\nUrsula Buffay: Y'know, twin stuff is always a real big seller.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.\nPhoebe Buffay: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! And shame on all of you! You're disgusting! Especially you with that!\nRoss Geller: Slides are almost ready.\nJill Green: Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing! Alcohol!\nRoss Geller: Uh okay, well there's-there's wine in the kitchen.\nJill Green: Oh great!\nRoss Geller: Hello?\nRachel Green: What is my sister doing there?! And why are the drapes shut?!\nRoss Geller: O-okay, Rach calm-calm down, okay? She-she's really upset we're just talking.\nRachel Green: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!\nRoss Geller: So that's the only reason she could be here huh? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe I'm a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!\nRachel Green: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I think I can take care of myself, I'll talk to you later. Good-bye. Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that you're just using me.\nJill Green: So?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, not you too!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffay's checks; there were a lot of them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice!\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-mmm, and I won't have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great, but isn't it gonna bother that people still think you're a porn star?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.\nJoey Tribbiani: You do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. You're trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Okay? Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! See?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: You uh, you may have been right about Jill.\nRachel Green: Oh! I knew it! What happened?\nRoss Geller: Umm, she kissed me.\nRachel Green: What?! You kissed!\nChandler Bing: Maybe we should give them some privacy.\nMonica Geller: Shhhh!!!\nRoss Geller: Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?\nRachel Green: Well, it doesn't sound like it! I mean, it's pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just don't kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!\nRoss Geller: Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and-and I didn't stop it. I guess I-I just wasn't thinking...\nRachel Green: Yeah that's right you weren't thinking! Y'know what? Let me give you something to think about!\nRoss Geller: Oh wait-hold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.\nRachel Green: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sister's mouth long enough to tell me that.\nRoss Geller: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: No, I mean, look I don't know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I don't want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.\nRachel Green: Wow. I, I don't even know what to say. Thank you.\nRoss Geller: You're welcome.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Are-are you crying?\nChandler Bing: I just don't see why those two can't work things out!\nJill Green: All right, I'm leaving! Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I got that.\nJill Green: And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?\nRoss Geller: You take care Jill.\nJill Green: Okay, see ya!\nRachel Green: Bye-bye-e!\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nChandler Bing: I-I can't believe Jill's gone. I can't help it, I opened a gate."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: What is the matter with you?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Barry and Mindy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. Who-who's Barry and Mindy?\nRachel Green: Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh-oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.\nMonica Geller: Why did they get divorced?\nRachel Green: Well, apparently she caught him cheating on her with someone else. Isn't that sad? God, could you imagine if I actually married him?! I mean how different would my life be?\nRoss Geller: I know what you mean, I've always wondered how different my life would be if-if I'd never gotten divorced.\nPhoebe Buffay: Which time?\nRoss Geller: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't. I keep seeing it the good way.\nRoss Geller: I'd bet I'd still be doing my kara-tay. Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from y'know, not doing anything else physical.\nChandler Bing: Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it kara-tay.\nMonica Geller: And what if I was still fat? Well, you wouldn't be dating me, that's for sure.\nChandler Bing: Sure I would!\nEveryone: Oh yeah! Come on! Yeah right!\nChandler Bing: What, you guys really think that I'm that shallow?\nRoss Geller: No, I just think Monica was that fat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! Oh-hey, there's Carol again!\nChandler Bing: What if I had had the guts to quit my job? I'd probably be writing for the New Yorker, getting paid to be funny. But my job's fun too! I mean tomorrow, I-I don't have to wear a tie.\nPhoebe Buffay: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Merrill Lynch?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.\nRachel Green: Well why didn't you take the job?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because at that time you see, I thought everything that rhymed was true. So I thought y'know that if I'd work with stocks, I'd have to live in a box, and only eat lox, and have a pet fox.\nRoss Geller: Hey, do you guys think that if all those things happened, we'd still hang out?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Rachel Green?\nRachel Green: Rob Tillman!\nRoss Geller: No-no. It's-it's me, Ross!\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry. Ross Tillman.\nRoss Geller: No, no-no, Ross Geller.\nRachel Green: Ohh, of course Monica's brother!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Right.\nRachel Green: Wow! How are you?!\nRoss Geller: Good-good, I'm-I'm married.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Me too!\nRoss Geller: Is-isn't it the best?\nRachel Green: Oh, it's the best! So, umm how's Monica?\nRoss Geller: Oh really, really great! Yeah! A-actually she's right down the street, umm, do-do you know what? You should stop bye and say hi.\nRachel Green: Ohh, I would love too.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Oh-oh, she'd be so excited!\nRachel Green: Ohh! Okay!\nRoss Geller: Come on!\nRachel Green: Oh wait, don't you have to pay for your, Busty Ladies?\nRoss Geller: No, it's okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I don't...\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: But! Don't you have to give him his money back?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. Okay, let's go see Monica!\nJoey Tribbiani: So Monica, still going out with Dr. Boring huh?\nMonica Geller: He's not boring! He's just-he's just low key.\nMonica's Boyfriend: Here we go, one Hazelnut Latte.\nMonica Geller: Thanks.\nMonica's Boyfriend: Yeah. Y'know, the hazelnut actually not a nut, it's a seed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow!!\nMonica's Boyfriend: Can anyone else name a well known seed that's been masquerading as a nut?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh dear God, let me think.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh no! What's the matter?\nChandler Bing: Oh I just got another rejection letter. They said my writing was funny, just not \"Archie Comic funny.\"\nMonica's Boyfriend: Y'know what honey? I got to get back to the hospital.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nMonica's Boyfriend: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nMonica's Boyfriend: Bye-bye. Oh uh, by the way, the answer is, the Brazil nut.\nChandler Bing: Was his question what's more boring than him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey man, look sorry about that Archie thing. Do uh, do you need me to give you some money?\nChandler Bing: Hey, I may have no money, but I still have my pride.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nChandler Bing: Ehh.\nMonica Geller: Maybe Joey doesn't have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's an idea! Hey, if I hired an assistant, would-would you take money from her?\nMonica Geller: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's great! That would be great! Let's do that!\nChandler Bing: I could use the money; it could give me time to write.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I don't need any assistance in there, take a break!\nChandler Bing: All right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe! Guess what?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh that's so sweet! Oh! Hang on! Hang onnnnnn!!! Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, it's a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, it's okay. It's okay, you're allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.\nRoss Geller: Hey Mon!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Mon, look who I ran into!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Rachel!! You look terrific!\nRachel Green: Ohh, so do you! Did you lose weight?\nMonica Geller: You are so sweet to notice! Yes, I lost three and a half pounds!\nRoss Geller: And, and uh, you-you remember my friend Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nRoss Geller: And that's Phoebe over there!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, sit down! Sit down! How long as it been since we've seen each other?\nRoss Geller: 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahon's party. I played you one of my songs, y'know Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. Right. So now, are-do you, do you still do music?\nRoss Geller: Sometimes, you should come over sometime! I'll play you one of my other...\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!\nMonica Geller: Rach, he's a friend of ours.\nRachel Green: You are friends with Dr. Drake Remoray?\nChandler Bing: Well it's kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that he's not real.\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!\nRachel Green: He's coming over! He's coming over!\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, here-here!!\nMonica Geller: Ohhh! No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! I love you on that show! I watch you everyday! I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tired to kill you...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.\nRachel Green: Ah!\nJoey Tribbiani: She's not crazy is she?\nMonica Geller: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh, how you doin'?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Go!! Who's this? Oh okay, you're gonna like working for me. What's your name? What kind of name is Brendy? I... Whatever... Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey there you are!\nChandler Bing: Uh-oh, it's my boss!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, here's a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work I'm delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine!\nChandler Bing: Drop off my dry cleaning. Pick up my vitamins. Teach me how to spell vitamins. Wear in my new jeans.\nMonica Geller: You realize what you are don't you?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: You're his bitch.\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no!! No!!\nMonica Geller: Oh wait! You didn't just sit on my Kit-Kats did you?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! There-there was a little, a little diff in the market and I lost 13 million dollars.\nChandler Bing: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!\nPhoebe Buffay: What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! I can't call my office they'll kill me! I can't call my clients they'll kill themselves! Great, now my chest hearts.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I can't breathe.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, are you having a heart attack?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, if I were, would-would I have shooting pains up and down my left arm?\nMonica Geller: Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then yes that is what I'm having.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Come on Pheebs, it's not that bad! Y'know most people would be excited if they didn't have to work for a couple of weeks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Most people don't like their jobs, I love my job! I have not been working for three hours and I'm already going crazy. I miss Joan.\nMonica Geller: Honey, having a heart attack is nature's way of telling you to slow it down.\nChandler Bing: I always thought having a heart attack was nature's way of telling you to die! But you're not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but you're not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.\nMonica Geller: Let's take a walk. Y'know maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine!\nPhoebe Buffay: So what's going on with you?\nRoss Geller: Well umm, I've been doing a lot more of my kara-tay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Still going through that dry spell with Carol?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: How long has it been since you had sex?\nRoss Geller: Well, last weekend...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's not so bad.\nRoss Geller: ...will be two months...\nPhoebe Buffay: That is.\nRoss Geller: ...since I stopped trying.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.\nRoss Geller: What-what do you mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. You could tie her up, she could tie you up; you could eat stuff off each other...\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, dirty talk, mnage trois, toys...\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Roll playing... You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!\nRoss Geller: Okay, I think I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and you're-you're-you're rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybody's watching! It never happened.\nMonica Geller: Sorry. So how's it going with Joey?\nChandler Bing: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, \"Bring me food.\" Two is, \"I'm with a girl, bring us food.\" Three is, \"I'm lost and I can't find food.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! She's right in there!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh great. Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, and over there is Brady's Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.\nRachel Green: Wow! This is so amazing! What else? What else?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that is a large piece of television equipment. And uh that is an old man! Hey old man!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: All righty, what do you say we head back to my place?\nRachel Green: Wow! Umm, y'know, I-I would really love to, but I-I shouldn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why? Why can't the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?\nRachel Green: Isn't that a line from the show?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, yeah but uh, I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.\nRachel Green: That's a line from the show too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, you watch too much TV.\nChandler Bing: Here you go Joe, here's the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks! Yeah, there's pulp in that.\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: I thought we talked about this. I don't like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isn't juice. All juice, okay?\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I guess I just like the pulp.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, I'm sorry, I'm being so rude. Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.\nRachel Green: Yeah sure, iced tea would be great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Iced tea.\nChandler Bing: Okay, anything for you sir?\nJoey Tribbiani: Did I not just tell him?\nRachel Green: Yes, you did.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay look, Chandler, if this you have got to listen! You're gonna throw that juice at me, aren't ya?\nChandler Bing: It's not all juice!\nRoss Geller: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.\nCarol Willick: Yeah! And maybe someday we could get a place with two bathrooms.\nRoss Geller: Look Carol umm, I was, I was thinking maybe uh, maybe we can spice things up a little.\nCarol Willick: What do you mean?\nRoss Geller: Carol our sex life is-it's just not working...\nBen Geller: Dad!!\nRoss Geller: Hey there little fella! Hey, uh-hey, why don't we get some shoes on ya, huh? Hey, why don't you show dad how you can put your shoes on, in your room! Yay!!\nBen Geller: Yay!\nRoss Geller: Yay! Seriously, our sex life... I was thinking, maybe I don't know, we could try some-some new things. Y'know? For fun?\nCarol Willick: Like what?\nRoss Geller: Well I don't know umm, what if we were too tie each other up? Umm, some people eat stuff off one another. Nah! Umm, y'know we-we could try dirty talk? Umm, we could, we could have a threesome.\nCarol Willick: I love that idea!\nChandler Bing: Who sold a story to Archie Comics?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! That's great! Oh wow! You're a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!\nChandler Bing: Aww.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! My last Kit-Kat bar!\nChandler Bing: You wanna share it?\nMonica Geller: Okay!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know you're mad, but I just want to say I'm sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Y'know? I mean, y'know how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?\nMonica Geller: It's not mayonnaise!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Here.\nChandler Bing: What's this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.\nChandler Bing: Aww, thanks man.\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! That's great! Congratulations! What's the story?!\nChandler Bing: Oh you wouldn't uh, care. It's just a stupid comic book story.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!\nChandler Bing: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy , uh but he doesn't want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assist-as his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that can't have lumps in them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? 'Cause I think I read it!\nRachel Green: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, a lot. A lot, a lot!\nRachel Green: Ohh! And I'm one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!\nMonica Geller: Well, y'know it's none of my business, but aren't you married?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Oh I just wish we could not be married for a little bit! Y'know I just wish we could be like on a break!\nMonica Geller: Well, you're not.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's so easy for you I mean, you're not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!\nMonica Geller: Yeah I can! And don't think I don't, because I do! I mean all the time, you betcha!\nRachel Green: Monica. You've, you've done it right?\nMonica Geller: Of course I have! What do you think, I'm some 30 year old virgin?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You're a 30 year old virgin!\nMonica Geller: Say it louder, I don't think the guy all the way in the back heard you!\nGuy All The Way In The Back: Yeah, I heard it.\nMonica Geller: It's not like, I haven't any opportunities. I mean, y'know, I'm just waiting for the perfect guy. I'm seeing this guy Roger, all right? He's not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Y'know, give him my flower.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!! Do it!! Honey, you've waited long enough!!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? You are right?!\nRachel Green: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldn't be all this rules and restrictions! Y'know, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever...\nMonica Geller: Rachel! I'm never gonna think it's okay for you to cheat on your husband!\nRachel Green: Oh what do you know? Virgin!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, why is smoke coming out of the bathroom?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! Put that cigarette out!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! It's not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!\nMonica Geller: Put it out!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Okay! I'm so glad you're here.\nRoss Geller: Come on. I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, give it to me.\nRoss Geller: I got it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Give it!\nRoss Geller: Hello? No she can't come to the phone right now. Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!\nRoss Geller: J-j-just relax, nobody yelled. Jack just was calling to make sure that you were getting better.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank God.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, she's fired.\nNurse: You've done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.\nDr. Wesley: Good-bye and God speed, Hope Brady.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Not so fast Wesley!\nDr. Wesley: Remoray!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: That's right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, you're not a real doctor! And that woman's brain, is fine!\nRachel Green: Oh! Thank God!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Hope! Hope!\nHope: Drake!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: You're not dying Hope, you're gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.\nHope: Oh Drake.\nRachel Green: Okay! Here we go! Okay! Hi, Joey! It's Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find...\nCarol Willick: Ooh, actually I've been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!\nRoss Geller: Oh. Wow! Huh. Boy! Well, someone's been doing their homework.\nCarol Willick: Yeah. Ooh, and I know Gail Rosten is in there twice, but she is so...\nRoss Geller: Oh, I know. Y'know, just-just talking about it is getting me kinda...\nCarol Willick: Oh, me too.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Well, I-I think Ben's asleep.\nCarol Willick: Oh umm, y'know I think it would be better if we just save it.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Right. Save it. I can do that.\nRoss Geller: Hey, Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey, how's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I've got to get out of this bed, I'm going crazy here. Crazy!\nMonica Geller: Here you go sweetie.\nPhoebe Buffay: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!\nMonica Geller: But, I put some honey in it.\nRoss Geller: She doesn't know she was fired yet, does she?\nChandler Bing: No, the doctors say it may kill her.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you two girls whispering about over there?!\nChandler Bing: But I think we should tell her.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, maybe this whole heart attack thing is a sign, that-that you should start think about getting a different job.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here!\nChandler Bing: Listen Phoebe, he's right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! But if I didn't work there, what else would I do?\nMonica Geller: Well, you used to like playing the guitar.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that was lucrative! Smart like your brother!\nChandler Bing: Uh, what about y'know the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, pulling in a salary in the high six figures or rubbing gross naked people for chump change-ooh, what do I do?! What will I do?!\nRachel Green: Ohh, I mean it's just so realistic!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. Yeah, his name is Pat.\nRachel Green: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you uh, do you-ready for a refill?\nRachel Green: Oh, I probably shouldn't-so I will! Oh! Wow! It's like it's raining!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty cool, huh? But if you're thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldn't get sucked up into the mechanism, well you'd be wrong.\nRachel Green: Umm, can I use your bathroom?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's uh, right through there.\nRachel Green: Okay. God y'know, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbiani's apartment...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, life's pretty great isn't it?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it sure is!\nMonica Geller: I hope you're hungry, we're starting with oysters. And y'know what they say about oysters, don't you?\nDr. Roger: They have parasites?\nMonica Geller: No! Umm well, some people say that Oysters are an aphrodisiac.\nDr. Roger: What people?\nMonica Geller: People! People say it! Come here!\nDr. Roger: So oysters, huh?\nMonica Geller: And then we're gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.\nDr. Roger: Y'know, it's funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases...\nMonica Geller: No-no-no, no! It's sensual!\nDr. Roger: Ohh! Didn't know! Okay!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Ohhh no!\nDr. Roger: I'm sorry sweetie, it's the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?\nMonica Geller: I can't promise anything.\nRoss Geller: We're really gonna do this, huh?\nCarol Willick: Looks like it.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at...\nCarol Willick: I got it!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nCarol Willick: Susan! Hi!\nSusan Bunch: Hey!\nCarol Willick: Thank you so much for coming.\nSusan Bunch: Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.\nRoss Geller: I'm-I'm Ross by the way.\nSusan Bunch: Hello Ross. I love what you've done with this space.\nCarol Willick: Thank you so much.\nRoss Geller: How hot is this?!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry you're here with me instead of Roger.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, me too.\nChandler Bing: Well, I could make it seem like he's here. \"Here's some little known facts about cous-cous. They didn't add the second cous until 1979.\"\nMonica Geller: Stop it!! That's not funny!!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, okay? It just-tonight was supposed to be y'know, it was supposed to be a big deal.\nChandler Bing: What was tonight?\nMonica Geller: You don't want to know what tonight was.\nChandler Bing: Okay. What was tonight?\nMonica Geller: Well, tonight was-was going to be my first time.\nChandler Bing: With Roger? Not just with Roger?! Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: All right relax Mr. I've Had Sex Four Times!\nChandler Bing: Four different women! I've had sex way more times!\nMonica Geller: How many?\nChandler Bing: Nine.\nMonica Geller: I was just waiting for the perfect guy.\nChandler Bing: Well good, good for you. You really think that Roger is the perfect guy?\nMonica Geller: No. He's not a horrible guy.\nChandler Bing: Hey that's what I tell girls about me.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, I'm gonna die a virgin!\nChandler Bing: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.\nMonica Geller: Oh really? When? Do you wanna do it with me?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I was kidding.\nChandler Bing: So was I.\nRachel Green: Joey, you're such an amazing actor! How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, with Dr. Drake they always tell me what to say. And with Joey, I pretty much have to make it up on my own.\nRachel Green: Wow! Tell me something Joey-Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah you did.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here you go. Let me ask you a question.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are?\nRachel Green: Wow! I can't, I can't feel my hands.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come, come here.\nChandler Bing: We can't do this.\nMonica Geller: No! Oyster?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, y'know? Because you've been waiting a very long time and I wouldn't want to disappoint you.\nMonica Geller: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if you're horrible, how would I know?\nChandler Bing: I do like that.\nMonica Geller: It's harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!\nChandler Bing: Well, if it helps there were only three. So it would just be for tonight, right?\nMonica Geller: Absolutely! It would just be one friend helping out another friend.\nChandler Bing: Stop it! We're doing this! Let's do it!\nMonica Geller: Noo!! Okay!!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Umm, do you have any uhh, moves?\nChandler Bing: I have some moves.\nMonica Geller: I have no moves. Okay, whatcha doin' there?! Oh y'know what? I'm sorry, this is just too weird.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, let's just forget it.\nMonica Geller: What if I turn out the lights?\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah.\nMonica Geller: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: That's the couch.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: I know! I'll tell you something, we are gonna do that again!\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning!\nRachel Green: Oh right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh God. Oh I can't believe Joey Tribbiani heard me throw up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well he actually saw you a little bit too.\nRachel Green: Noo! Oh God we did-we didn't, we didn't uhh...\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No, not after seeing that.\nRachel Green: God I'm just a horrible person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wh-why?\nRachel Green: Because I'm married. That's right, I am a married woman! And I came to a TV star's apartment to have an affair! Uck!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's ridiculous! I'm not a \"Star,\" just a regular famous actor.\nRachel Green: Yeah and I'm a horrible, horrible person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel, would you stop saying that?! Hey-hey look, remember on the show when-when Caprice was dying and she gave me...\nRachel Green: The ring from the cave, yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Uh okay, well uh...\nRachel Green: Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! As long as they don't find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.\nRachel Green: No! No-no-no...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, you've had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didn't. And that's what this ring stands for.\nRachel Green: But I thought that ring stood for Caprice's undying love for her brother.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, do you want the ring or not?!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Look at you! You're up!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought I'd try to take a walk. Would you pour me some water? I'll be back soon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa! You're not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. I've learned my lesson.\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's go! Come on! Move it! Come on! Shoes! Briefcase! Thanks Lou, good luck with the gall bladder.\nRoss Geller: Hey Joe did... Did you ever have a threesome?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carol's great and I'm sure you're a very attractive man, but I...\nRoss Geller: No! The reason I'm asking is that... I sorta had one last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: You?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! So, was it amazing?\nRoss Geller: It was, it was okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just okay-Did you do it right?!\nRoss Geller: Look, it's just did, did you ever go to a party and think, \"Would really anyone miss me if I weren't here?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. But still Ross, you're worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Y'know what I mean?\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, absolutely!\nRoss Geller: It's just, my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then, and then there was a lot of waiting around.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you got to be with both of them, right?\nRoss Geller: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not the other one?\nRoss Geller: No, she kept kicking me away!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you don't want that.\nRoss Geller: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?\nRoss Geller: Oh I a lot of stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: You got a little bored?\nRoss Geller: A little. Yeah. I made a snack.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? What did ya have?\nRoss Geller: Just a sandwich. Turkey, a little mustard...\nJoey Tribbiani: Sounds good.\nRoss Geller: It really was!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!\nMonica Geller: Hey, check me out, I'm a slut!\nChandler Bing: So you uh, want to do something tonight?\nMonica Geller: Oh I can't. Dr. Roger is coming over again.\nChandler Bing: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because you're still seeing him and uh, he's a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when...\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! Totally! Totally, and you?\nMonica Geller: Great! It's so amazing! I mean, last time Dr. Roger came over, I was so nervous, but then after being with you I'm all like, \"Can the doctor see me now?\"\nChandler Bing: I bet he can.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I don't have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. Are you sure you're okay?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! Yeah! Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!\nRachel Green: Ohh! My God! Barry!!\nBarry Farber: You-you-you said you were gonna be away all weekend!\nRachel Green: Oh that's right! I'm sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Surprise! Look who's back!\nArthur: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nArthur: Call security. Pheebs, didn't you get fired?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, I don't think so!\nJack: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Jack!! Hey!\nJack: What are you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?\nJack: Well, you were fired.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nu-uh!\nJack: I told that guy who answered your phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay I didn't get that message. So this doesn't count-Anyway, I'll be in my office.\nJack: Uh, Phoebe you-you don't have an office.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's all right, I'll work here. This is goo, next to this plant.\nJack: Phoebe, listen...\nPhoebe Buffay: You're in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake...\nJack: You lost 13 million dollars.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, so this is all about money! Y'know it's bad enough that-Ow! Oh, you have got to be kidding!\nJack: Are you all right?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm having another heart attack!\nJack: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm having another heart attack!! Call 9-1-1!!\nJack: Take it easy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Dumbass!\nWoman: Hey Pheebs! How's it going?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, they fired me and I'm having heart attack.\nWoman: Wow! Well, welcome back!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Hi Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hey Rachel.\nRachel Green: Is Joey Tribbiani here?\nRoss Geller: Umm, no.\nRachel Green: Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that I'm looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!\nRoss Geller: That-that's always good news. Are you okay?\nRachel Green: Me? I'm great! I'm fine! I'm sooo good!! But, you know who's not great?! Men! You're a man right Ross?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Sit down!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you we're going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbor's dog walker?!\nRoss Geller: We're sorry.\nRachel Green: No seriously! Seriously! What has happened to the sanctity of marriage?\nRoss Geller: Didn't you spend last night at Joey's?\nRachel Green: Aw what are you?! A detective?\nRoss Geller: Look I-I don't know what's going on with you and your husband and what is hopefully an adult dog walker, look can I just say not all men are like that.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Hey! There are some men who will do whatever it takes to make their marriage work! Okay? There are some men who will stand by and-and watch as their wives engage in-in what only can be described as a twosome with some-some woman she barely knows from the gym!\nRachel Green: Who are these men?\nRoss Geller: Men. I guy I know.\nRachel Green: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is gay.\nRoss Geller: She is not... She's gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I can't believe this.\nRachel Green: Good day for married people huh?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry your husband cheated on you.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women aren't that great either.\nRoss Geller: Try telling my wife that.\nChandler Bing: Okay to come in?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I know, guess who beeped him?\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: I'm the ruptured spleen.\nMonica Geller: Why would you do that?\nChandler Bing: Because you shouldn't be with him. You should be with me.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! When you were talking about Roger, that was killing me! Look, things like last night they don't just happen. Y'know? Or at least not to me. Or with the other two women, in the morning y'know I was just lying there and I couldn't wait to just go hang out with my friends, but with you I always y'know with a friend.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I know you probably don't want to go out with me, y'know because I make too many jokes and I've never been in a serious relationship and I guess I'm not technically a \"doctor...\"\nMonica Geller: There was just one woman, wasn't there?\nChandler Bing: No, there were two.\nMonica Geller: Including me?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see.../One of them won't do it, but the second one will set you free.../Tell all your hate and anger, it's time to say good-bye.../And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die!/La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la..."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey, remember when I had a monkey?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, what, what was I thinking?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?\nChandler Bing: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what's more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y'know what's even more generous than that?!!\nChandler Bing: I see where you're goin'!\nRoss Geller: What's up with the greed Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, look I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, y'know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kinda blackened in some teeth-Why did I do that?!\nRoss Geller: Well isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't-can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, y'know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got y'know a little of this goin' on. Wow! I still have it!\nRoss Geller: Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!\nChandler Bing: Ah, finally an explanation.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't want to donate sperm again. I really prefer doing that at the home office y'know? Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?\nGunther: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nGunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh do it?\nGunther: That guy has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, where was I?\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what have you guys been up to?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nRachel Green: Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: Takes it out of you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: After one class? I don't think so.\nRachel Green: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!\nRoss Geller: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.\nRachel Green: Isn't that a kind of sushi?\nRoss Geller: No, it's a concept!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah it is! It is! It's freshwater eel!\nRoss Geller: All right, maybe it means that too...\nRachel Green: Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on Ross. We're sorry. Please tell us what it is.\nRoss Geller: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?\nRoss Geller: All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like a surprise!!\nRoss Geller: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.\nRachel Green: Ooh! Y'know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what...\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey, is Monica here?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRoss Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Okay, look I need your help, I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day.\nRachel Green: Well, Valentine's Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar!\nChandler Bing: She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, hey! Why don't you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea!\nJoey Tribbiani: And of course, crotchless panties.\nChandler Bing: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend and her brother, I can't do that we promised we'd make each other gifts this year.\nRachel Green: Aw, I love that.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut...\nRachel Green: Okay-okay-okay! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?\nChandler Bing: I made a...\nPhoebe Buffay: What is that?\nChandler Bing: Nothing!\nRoss Geller: So what are you gonna do?\nChandler Bing: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! Oh for crying out loud!\nRachel Green: Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock!\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, it's you little bunny friend.\nChandler Bing: This, this actually is a...\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts?\nMonica Geller: Oh, yeah.\nChandler Bing: Do we have to make the entire thing?\nMonica Geller: Yes! Why, did you-you forget to make yours?\nChandler Bing: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Okay, I can't wait! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever! I can't believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: I'm just so excited to make the presents! Shoot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I'd like to donate some fluids.\nReceptionist: We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's too bad. I've kinda been saving up. Uh, are you sure there's no studies I can participate in?\nReceptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Well but this one starts now.\nReceptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study.\nJoey Tribbiani: But it's $2,000.\nReceptionist: Sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.\nReceptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and they're not good.\nRoss Geller: DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross!!!\nRachel Green: What the hell was that?!\nRoss Geller: A lesson in the importance of unagi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, you're a freak!!\nRoss Geller: Perhaps. Now I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?\nRachel Green: All right, so we weren't prepared!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I-look, I just want you guys to be safe. DANGER!!!!! Ahhh, huh? Unagi.\nJoey Tribbiani: 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Chandler. I sensed it was you.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nRoss Geller: Unagi. I'm always aware.\nChandler Bing: Okay, are you aware unagi is an eel?\nRoss Geller: What's up?\nChandler Bing: I can't figure out what to make Monica.\nRoss Geller: Oh, why don't you make her one of your little jokes.\nChandler Bing: I'm going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? She'd-she'd love this. Uh, it's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.\nRoss Geller: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely.\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, I can't give this to her.\nRoss Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because it says \"Captain Ross\" on the side and \"I hate Monica\" on the bottom.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Okay. Yes honey, I made it myself. I can't do it. I can't do it. Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?\nMonica Geller: Sure! Okay, you go first.\nChandler Bing: Okay, come here! Come here.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Now, it's not wrapped because I just, just finished it.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.\nMonica Geller: Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it?!\nChandler Bing: Maybe we'll have to listen and see!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I love it! Thank you so much!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Okay, you ready to open yours?\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: It's a sock bunny.\nMonica Geller: Yeah-yeah, you remember how I call you bunny?\nChandler Bing: Not really.\nMonica Geller: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See that's what this is about.\nChandler Bing: I see. Y'know umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.\nMonica Geller: No! No, she doesn't. Uh Phoebe, what she makes-that's uh-they're sock rabbits. They are completely different-Okay! Okay! Okay! I didn't make it! I'm sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that we're supposed to make the presents!\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's okay. I don't...\nMonica Geller: No-no, it's not okay! It's not! I mean you were just... You're so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Y'know I'm just gonna-I, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here , and I am going to do anything you want in there!\nChandler Bing: Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape.\nChandler Bing: Wow! You are way to young to have seen that!\nMonica Geller: Oops! Y'know, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?\nChandler Bing: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.\nMonica Geller: We have got to wash that!\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Do you remember that jacket that you love so much, that you thought was too expensive?\nChandler Bing: You have done enough!\nMonica Geller: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!\nChandler Bing: No you don't-get it in black, not brown.\nMonica Geller: Oop, your cake is ready!\nChandler Bing: Oop!\nChandler Bing: Well, it's like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.\nJoey's Look-A-Like: Hey Mon! Hey Chann! Just gettin' a soda!\nMonica Geller: Who the hell are you?!\nJoey's Look-A-Like: I'm Joey! How are you doin'?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No! No! No! How you doin'?! How you doin'-Damnit Carl! Go wait in the hall!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.\nChandler Bing: Who the hell is Carl?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.\nChandler Bing: Y'know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Y'know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is...\nMonica Geller: The only problem!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.\nCarl (Joey's lookalike): Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Pat Sajak?\nRachel Green: Yep!\nPhoebe Buffay: Alex Trebek?\nRachel Green: Oh, of course!\nPhoebe Buffay: Chuck Woolery?\nRachel Green: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, who's ass I cannot kick.\nRachel Green: Say it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Say we are unagi!\nRoss Geller: It's not something you are! It's something you have!\nRachel Green: Say it!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is not gonna be?\nCarl (Joey's lookalike): Another Minute Maid fiasco.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right! And what are you not gonna do?\nCarl (Joey's lookalike): Well, I'm not gonna talk because...\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit Carl!\nThe Doctor: Can I have the next one please? Joey and Tony Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's us.\nThe Doctor: But uh, this is a study for identical twins.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, $2,000.\nThe Doctor: But, you're not identical twins.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit Carl!\nChandler Bing: Oh my good God.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.\nChandler Bing: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.\nMonica Geller: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.\nChandler Bing: Oh, the mixed tape.\nMonica Geller: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?\nMonica Geller: You are just the sweetest.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I love the way you look every night Chandler! That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!\nChandler Bing: No! You're the sweetest!\nThe Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends today's class, and let's remember, let's be safe out there.\nRoss Geller: It's a great class.\nThe Instructor: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?\nThe Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them...\nRoss Geller: No. No-no. No. What would you do next?\nThe Instructor: Who? Me the attacker?\nRoss Geller: Yes that's right.\nThe Instructor: Why?\nRoss Geller: I tired attacking two women, did not work.\nThe Instructor: What?!\nRoss Geller: No, I mean it's okay, I mean, they're-they're my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.\nThe Instructor: Let me get this straight man, you attacked your ex-wife?!\nRoss Geller: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together? That-that's a no.\nChandler Bing: I am so, so, so, so sorry!\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: And I will cook anything you want in here , and do anything in there!\nMonica Geller: Yeah you will! And, are you kiddin' me?!\nChandler Bing: Come on Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please-please, please?\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJanice's Voice: My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!\nChandler Bing: So, are we going in there?\nMonica Geller: I am!!\nJanice's Voice: You're look for laughable...\nRoss Geller: Ah-ha, nowhere to run!\nRachel Green: I don't like sitting up here! I'm just gonna over...\nPhoebe Buffay: No Rachel! They got here first!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why is Ross doing that?\nRoss Geller: DANGER!!!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!\nPhoebe Buffay: We should help him!\nRachel Green: I... Well, I don't think they need any help."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, \"I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!\"\nChandler Bing: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, there's a big selling calendar, eh?\nRachel Green: Who wrote it?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, 'cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, there's your admirer.\nChandler Bing: A hot girl's at stake and all of the sudden he's Rain Man.\nRachel Green: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl?\nRoss Geller: It's a girl! Anyway, it wou-it wouldn't matter. Okay? Because I'm a teacher and she's a student.\nChandler Bing: Oh, is that against the rules?\nRoss Geller: No, but it is frowned upon.\nChandler Bing: I see.\nRoss Geller: Besides, there's a big age difference.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well think of it like this, when you're 90...\nRoss Geller: I know when I'm 90 she'll be like 80 and it won't seem like such a big difference.\nJoey Tribbiani: No that's not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler! Y'know that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's a Movement class?\nMonica Geller: It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well listen, anyway she's directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I don't know man. I haven't talked to her in like ten years.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!\nChandler Bing: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?\nChandler Bing: Oh okay, I'll-I'll try.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Thanks! You're the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?\nChandler Bing: Yeah so, Tuesday?\nJoey Tribbiani: Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!\nChandler Bing: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hey Mon? I'm gonna check my messages.\nChandler Bing: You just thought of that in there?\nMonica Geller: Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.\nRachel Green: Hello? Uh, Rachel. Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!\nMonica Geller: You're on the phone!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! How bad was it?\nRachel Green: Well, he didn't say, but it was a fire. I'm guessing not very good. Come on, we gotta go!\nMonica Geller: Come on!\nChandler Bing: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?\nJoey Tribbiani: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!\nBurt: Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester!\nElizabeth Stevens: Professor Geller?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nElizabeth Stevens: I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class.\nRoss Geller: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. Ow!\nElizabeth Stevens: Uh, I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie on my evaluation...\nRoss Geller: That was you?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. You're a teacher. I'm a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?\nRoss Geller: Oh I, I don't-I don't think that would be the best idea.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh, because I was thinking, the semester's over; you're not my teacher anymore.\nRoss Geller: What time?\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh, y'know what? Forget it, you already gave me an A.\nRoss Geller: Gotcha.\nElizabeth Stevens: I'm kidding!\nRoss Geller: Oh! So-so seriously, what time?\nPhoebe Buffay: Coming through! Oh! Coming through! Oh! Hello! Hi! No! Right! Coming through!\nMonica Geller: Oh well, it's not so bad.\nFireman #1: Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nRachel Green: My God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?\nFireman #1: Excuse me?\nMonica Geller: Joey! He's working! You would look good in that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, how bad is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's bad. It's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!\nChandler Bing: How's your room Rach?\nRachel Green: Everything's ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater.\nMonica Geller: Isn't that mine?\nRachel Green: Fine! I'm sorry for your loss!\nFireman #1: So uh, you're not gonna be able to live here for a while, you ladies have a place to stay?\nRachel Green: Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.\nMonica Geller: Yes, they can stay with us.\nChandler Bing: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?\nFireman #1: Well uh, do either of you smoke?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.\nFireman #1: No-no-no, do you uh light candles? Burn incense?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! It's me! It's me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!\nRachel Green: Okay Phoebe calm down, there's no need to place blame. Okay? I warned her about those candles.\nChandler Bing: God, it's great to catch up! I can't believe how long it's been!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, is that...\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great! Good for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey listen...\nChandler Bing: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm... Can you hold for one second please? What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: When you're off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?\nChandler Bing: Hi! I'm back. Yeah, that sounds great. Okay. Well, we'll do it then. Okay, bye-bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey listen, so when's-when's my audition? I mean I know it's Thursday, but what time?\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: We didn't get to the audition. I'm gonna take her to coffee and then we'll do it then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah-ha!\nMonica Geller: Wow! So, now you're going on a date with this girl?\nChandler Bing: Honey, it is not a date! I haven't talked to her in ten years! You can't just call up somebody you haven't talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, y'know? You gotta, you got to put in some time.\nMonica Geller: You're right, I'm sorry. It's not like you're y'know, going out with an ex-girlfriend.\nChandler Bing: No, we only went out once.\nMonica Geller: You dated her!\nChandler Bing: Not once!\nMonica Geller: All right, well why don't I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great, my friend Joey's in the movie business.\nDana Keystone: Y'know who I ran into from school? Howie.\nChandler Bing: My friend's name is Joey.\nDana Keystone: Apparently Howie's editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Y'know I-I-I haven't spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.\nDana Keystone: No, no \"How you doing?\" Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first!\nChandler Bing: The nerve huh?\nDana Keystone: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Refill?\nMonica Geller: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.\nMonica Geller: I know! Now look, there's only one problem though. There's only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess you should get to stay here.\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no one's fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nMonica Geller: So Rach! You're the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, you'll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, y'know, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.\nRachel Green: I have.\nJoey Tribbiani: This right here is where I keep the pizza. And uh that's where the napkin is.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's that smell?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know!\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me!\nRoss Geller: What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.\nElizabeth Stevens: Who?\nRoss Geller: Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyone's name, so I-I kinda came up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was Smelly von Brownshirt.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me?\nRoss Geller: Umm, no. No.\nElizabeth Stevens: Yes you did! What was it?\nRoss Geller: Umm, it's Cutie McPretty.\nElizabeth Stevens: Ohh that's so sweet!\nRoss Geller: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-I'm having a great time! Y'know how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but it's not. I mean it's not at all.\nBurt: Dr. Geller!\nRoss Geller: Burt!\nPhoebe Buffay: So did you sleep well last night?\nRachel Green: I did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: I did, Monica was so sweet she left a little mint on my pillow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what Joey left on my pillow?\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Gum!\nFireman #2: Well, we determined the cause of the fire.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!\nFireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It's looks like a curling iron.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't use a curling iron.\nFireman #2: Well someone does.\nRachel Green: Well, don't look at me! My hair's straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!\nFireman #2: It could've been a hair straightener.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is where I keep the pizza. And-Hey! Where did the napkin go?!\nMonica Geller: Now there you go! I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks Monica!\nMonica Geller: Does that smell bother you?\nPhoebe Buffay: What the smell from Joey's? No, I can hardly smell it over here.\nMonica Geller: Well you let me know if you can, because y'know I can bake a pie to cover it.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hello? Oh yes, one minute please. It's for you. It's the fire inspector.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Hello? Yeah this is Phoebe. Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair straightener that started the fire. No-no, it was the candles. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is... Uhh... Uhh... Okay. Well, I have to go now.\nRoss Geller: We had such a great time! She's-she's incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn't. It wasn't at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. A concept lost on some people!\nMonica Geller: So it's okay to date a student.\nRoss Geller: Well, not really. I mean technically it's-it's not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.\nMonica Geller: Well Ross, you be careful now. You don't want to get a reputation as y'know Professor McNailshisstudents.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. What-what should I do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean what's more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.\nMonica Geller: Joey that is so sweet.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?\nChandler Bing: I couldn't do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: You couldn't do it?!\nChandler Bing: Hey, relax I just need more time. We're going to dinner tonight.\nMonica Geller: What?! You're going out with her again!\nRoss Geller: Going out with who?\nChandler Bing: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah! Wasn't she uh...\nChandler Bing: No, that was Dana Caplin.\nThe Guys: Ohhhh!\nMonica Geller: Joey! You didn't even know her!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah whatever!\nChandler Bing: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!\nDana Keystone: Y'know uh, actually I-I-I should get going.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay!\nDana Keystone: Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I just I don't feel that way about you.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, that's not-No-no-no!\nDana Keystone: I'm sorry Chandler, y'know you are such a sweet guy and I, I don't want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.\nChandler Bing: No-no-Really?!\nDana Keystone: Of course!\nChandler Bing: Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh...\nDana Keystone: Ohh, I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.\nDana Keystone: What?! Anything! Anything!\nChandler Bing: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?\nDana Keystone: Absolutely! But you-you would really feel better about me rejecting you if your actor friend can audition for my movie?\nChandler Bing: Well, the heart wants what it wants. I'll see you later.\nMonica Geller: Hey! How's it goin'?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.\nMonica Geller: Yes it has! I made cookies!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's all right. I'm still full from your homemade potato chips.\nMonica Geller: But you should eat them now because they're hot from the oven.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh-ho! But not in here! Can't eat 'em in bed, remember? No crumbies!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'll be out in a second.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: That doesn't lock does it?\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey! Sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: No that's all right. Don't worry about it.\nRachel Green: Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's!\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Look!\nRachel Green: I've never lived like this before.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food.\nRoss Geller: What do you want to do now? Huh? You wanna go get a drink?\nElizabeth Stevens: Uhh, I can't.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you have some studying to do?\nElizabeth Stevens: No, I have some turning 21 to do.\nRoss Geller: Y'know I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to...\nElizabeth Stevens: What are you doing?\nRoss Geller: Nothing, I'm-I'm just, I'm so comfortable with you!\nElizabeth Stevens: Do you not want to be seen with me?\nRoss Geller: What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone?\nElizabeth Stevens: Uh no, they're still here but I think I'm about to leave.\nRoss Geller: What?! No! No! Wait! You're right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? There's nothing wrong with that. Come on. Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.\nElizabeth Stevens: Hi!\nLydia: Aren't you in my Popular Culture class?\nRoss Geller: That's right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, we're dating. And you may frown upon that, but we're not gonna hide it anymore.\nMel: You are so fired.\nRoss Geller: What?\nBurt: They're gonna fire you! You can't date a student! It's against the rules.\nRoss Geller: Really? Its not just frowned upon?\nRachel Green: I love it at Joey's!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, here you go.\nChandler Bing: Ni-hi-ice!\nRachel Green: Thanks!\nChandler Bing: So, you busy Thursday?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, very funny. I don't know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. You got me the audition?! Let's hug it up!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Okay. What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you!\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think I'm partly at fault. You see, I didn't, I didn't tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so y'know let's just face it, that's just kindling! So I think it's better that I stay at Joey's.\nRachel Green: No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides y'know what? I'm fine here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah she said something about crumbies.\nChandler Bing: No! No! No! I was so careful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, all the ladies want to stay at Joey's.\nRachel Green: No! No! Phoebe, come on! I don't want to switch! Please come on! I can throw wet paper towels here!\nPhoebe Buffay: No but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink!\nRachel Green: I know. I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right fine! This looks like so much fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: God, what a mess.\nRoss Geller: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office. I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other.\nElizabeth Stevens: For what it's worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more.\nRoss Geller: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we can't date. It's against the rules. It's forbidden.\nElizabeth Stevens: Wow!\nRoss Geller: What?\nElizabeth Stevens: Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it's really hot.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Well I-I-I don't care how hot it is it's-it's uh, it's wrong.\nElizabeth Stevens: Stop it!\nRoss Geller: No! No! It's wrong! It's-it's-it's naughty. It's taboo.\nElizabeth Stevens: Shut the book!\nRoss Geller: Let's also get a hot plate!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: So?!\nJoey Tribbiani: So?\nChandler Bing: It's Thursday! How was the audition?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs- Oh!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!\nRachel Green: Hi Joey, how ya doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Roomie!\nRachel Green: Huh, yeah I guess we are roommates now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.\nRachel Green: I'm not paying for half of that! I'm only staying here until my apartment gets fixed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Rach, my parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay? Now, I have never had a problem with it. Then you show up and it breaks! What does that tell ya'?\nRachel Green: That refrigerators don't live as long as people.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, I'll take a check for the other hundred.\nRachel Green: You're jokin' right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course I'm jokin'! I don't take checks.\nRachel Green: Thank God you're pretty.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nEveryone: Hi! Hey!\nRachel Green: Do you guys know any cute guys?\nChandler Bing: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you Chandler.\nRachel Green: Anyway, there's this big charity ball this weekend and Ralph Lauren bought a table, so I kinda have to go...\nMonica Geller: What's the charity?\nRachel Green: I don't know, something either trees or disease-Ralph mumbles a lot.\nMonica Geller: Does Ralph mumble when you're not paying attention?\nRachel Green: Yeah! It's weird. But the thing is need to find a date.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what kind of guy are you looking for?\nRachel Green: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.\nChandler Bing: So he has to be a male who has at least $50.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! So close.\nRoss Geller: Hey everybody!\nEveryone: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey uh, this is Elizabeth.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh hi!\nEveryone: Hi!\nElizabeth Stevens: I'm the student.\nChandler Bing: Isn't she cute? No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, this is probably none of my business, but weren't you guys supposed to not be seen in public together?\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh, we're not together.\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no-no, we're just two people who happen to run into each other here at the coffee house.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, sly.\nElizabeth Stevens: Well, I really wanted to meet you guys, but I have to run. I'll see you later?\nEveryone: Okay!\nElizabeth Stevens: Bye Ross.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir.\nRoss Geller: Oh that is quite all right ma'am.\nChandler Bing: So, why is she leaving? Is it a school night and she has a lot of homework to do?\nRoss Geller: Yes, her molecular epidemiology paper is due tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: Oh, tell her good luck with that.\nRoss Geller: Anyone else? Huh? Bring 'em on!\nRachel Green: Oo! When's her birthday?!\nRoss Geller: I don't know Rachel, why?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know it's just been so long since I've been to Chuckie Cheese.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I like Elizabeth.\nRoss Geller: Well thanks!\nMonica Geller: Yeah. In fact, I like her so much you tell her I want my cookies early this year! Y'know, a box of Thin Mints and some Tag-a-Longs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, how's it going with her?\nRoss Geller: Well, actually it's been great. She's 20 so she's not looking for anything too serious, which is perfect for me right now.\nMonica Geller: Well that is great. And seriously, she seems very nice.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. I know you guys like to give me a hard time and all, but it really means a lot to me that you like her. Just knowing that you guys are...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I got a good one. Okay, umm, what is she? Like 12?\nMonica Geller: Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll-Ups?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's so funny because we found someone too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's good, I guess she'll have a choice between my guy and your weirdo.\nChandler Bing: Why would our guy be a weirdo?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause that's just your taste.\nMonica Geller: Rachel is not going to pick your stupid guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these\nChandler Bing: A face ass?\nPhoebe Buffay: A chin dimple!\nMonica Geller: Well, uh y'know, our guy works with Chandler and he's really nice and smart and he's a great dresser!\nPhoebe Buffay: Have you seen your guy's body?\nChandler Bing: No, our guy is just a floating head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? He's a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.\nMonica Geller: You're not supposed to look!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, like there are police for that!\nChandler Bing: Wait! You look? You-you massaged me.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nMonica Geller: All right fine, your guy may have a great body, but our guy is really funny.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Chandler funny?\nMonica Geller: Our guy's a great dancer!\nPhoebe Buffay: My guy is well read.\nChandler Bing: Our guy has great hair.\nPhoebe Buffay: My guy has great teeth!\nChandler Bing: Our guy smells incredible.\nMonica Geller: Do you want our guy to be your guy?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh.\nChandler Bing: Well, you...don't look good Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes-Hey, what was in that brown jar?\nChandler Bing: That's still in there?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?\nChandler Bing: Is this a service you're providing me?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No! For my new fridge-our new fridge!\nChandler Bing: Our new fridge? I don't live here anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what? Look, suppose we were a divorced couple.\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.\nChandler Bing: Okay...\nJoey Tribbiani: Give me $400!\nElizabeth Stevens: Professor Geller?\nRoss Geller: Hmm? Oh, a student I don't know.\nElizabeth Stevens: I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes of course, what-what would this be regarding?\nElizabeth Stevens: Making out in your office.\nRoss Geller: Shh! Of course, why don't we go inside?\nRoss Geller: Oh-ooh!\nElizabeth Stevens: What?\nRoss Geller: Doorknob! Doorknob!\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh! Sorry! Umm, I actually do need to talk to you.\nRoss Geller: Oh, okay. What-what about?\nElizabeth Stevens: Spring vacation.\nRoss Geller: Spring vacation.\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah, we have time off and a lot of people are going on trips...\nProfessor Feesen: Professor Geller!\nRoss Geller: Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger... I'll be with you in one moment. So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints.\nRoss Geller: You don't understand! Elizabeth was about to ask me to go on a trip with her! Is that taking it slow?! No, I'm not ready for this! Okay? What-what do I tell her?\nChandler Bing: Just tell her the truth! Tell her you're not ready.\nRoss Geller: I can do that. Oh-oh, what if she gets upset?\nChandler Bing: Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or! You can just, y'know...\nRoss Geller: What the hell are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!\nRoss Geller: What?! What? How do you, how do you even know its broken?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho-ho, you think I don't know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! Well what do you know! Broken! That'll be $400!\nChandler Bing: Joey, I saw you push him!\nJoey Tribbiani: You pushed him!\nRoss Geller: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? That has been broken for a while.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Chandler, do you remember how I told you about our fridge?\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: I still haven't gotten a check for your half yet.\nRoss Geller: Do not give him any money!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not talking to you! You broke my fridge!\nElizabeth Stevens: You wanted to see me Professor Geller?\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes! Please, come in.\nRoss Geller: Oo-oo!\nElizabeth Stevens: Doorknob?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it kinda grows on you. Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh good.\nRoss Geller: Look, I... Look, I'm having a great time with you and I just don't want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, I'm sorry I just don't think we should go away together yet. It's-it's too soon.\nElizabeth Stevens: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to Florida for a couple weeks.\nRoss Geller: No. I think you misunderstood what I was saying. What I meant was...\nElizabeth Stevens: You are so adorable.\nRoss Geller: That! Let's talk about that.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey! How did it go with Elizabeth?\nRoss Geller: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didn't want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that she's going to Florida for spring vacation.\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break?\nRoss Geller: What's-what's the difference?\nMonica Geller: Well, spring vacation is doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break you're doing frat guys.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know what? Not all spring breaks are like that.\nPhoebe Buffay: What did you do on yours?\nRoss Geller: I went to Egypt with my dad.\nChandler Bing: I can see it now, \"Look dad, it's the Sphinx!\"\nRoss Geller: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, \"Spring break!\" All right? I mean she's taken my class!\nMonica Geller: And slept with the professor.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna call her.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Hey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian.\nSebastian: Hi.\nRachel Green: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. What? I read that.\nSebastian: Can I get you a cup of coffee?\nRachel Green: Oh yes! Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, what the hell is this?!\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You ask us to find you a guy and you come traipsing in here with your own!\nRachel Green: You found me a guy?\nMonica Geller: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandler's work!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what though you guys? I really appreciate that but I think I'm just gonna take Sebastian to the charity.\nChandler Bing: Are you sure?! Because our guy smells incredible!\nMonica Geller: Uh, would you stop it with that already?!\nSebastian: Here you go.\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you.\nSebastian: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, Sebastian, do you do any volunteer work?\nSebastian: Uh, no not really. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: No reason, it's just I know a single guy that cares about other people.\nChandler Bing: Are you funny?\nSebastian: Excuse me?\nRachel Green: What are you guys doing?\nMonica Geller: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!\nSebastian: Look, I just wanted to have coffee with Rachel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, so do a lot of people.\nSebastian: Actually, I uh, I gotta get going. Give me a call sometime.\nRachel Green: Oh, but y'know, no, you didn't give me your phone number.\nSebastian: Okay! See you later!\nChandler Bing: Turns out he is kinda funny.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe you guys! He was really nice and he left because of you!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but Sebastian? What is that? A cat's name?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, y'know what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy you'd like to take to a ball? \"Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?\" \"Uhh, okay-I gotta go!\"\nMonica Geller: All right guys stop it. Rachel, we're very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And y'know what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! What have you got to lose? Y'know you might even end up with someone really special if you pick my guy.\nRachel Green: All right.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so you will meet our guys?\nRachel Green: Yes, I'll meet 'em.\nChandler Bing: Okay now it doesn't matter which one you choose, y'know? It's completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! There you are! Okay, you broke my fridge; you owe me 400 bucks!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay sure!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, technically you owe me $600 for sending out happy thoughts on your last ten auditions.\nJoey Tribbiani: Call it even?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Well, there you are! So what did Elizabeth say?\nRoss Geller: Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off of girl's bodies, waking up next to people you don't even know...\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?\nChandler Bing: You know the hotels?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! I was there! Spring Break '81! Woo-hoo!\nMonica Geller: In 1981 you were 13!\nJoey Tribbiani: So what? I drove down, sold T-shirts, had a blast. And y'know who knows how to party? Drunk college chicks.\nRoss Geller: Okay, she can't go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, you can't tell her not to go. You just started dating.\nRoss Geller: Then what am I supposed to do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, you just have to be cool with it.\nRoss Geller: Well, what is she goes down and-and sleeps with a bunch of guys?\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe you don't marry this one.\nRoss Geller: I'm so glad you're going on this trip!\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah! I've been working so hard this semester. I really need to go crazy y'know, blow off some steam.\nRoss Geller: Sure. Sure. Look I don't, I don't know if your plans are finalized yet, but umm, hey I-I know another great way to blow off steam.\nElizabeth Stevens: What?\nRoss Geller: Are you into crafts at all?\nElizabeth Stevens: Ross, are you okay?\nRoss Geller: Well, yeah, of-of course I'm okay! What? I'm just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and what-what is uh, what's this?\nElizabeth Stevens: It's a bathing suit?\nRoss Geller: To wear in front of people?\nElizabeth Stevens: Is that supportive?\nRoss Geller: Is this?!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Good-good-good-good.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: We're really glad you decided to meet our guy.\nRachel Green: Oh...\nMonica Geller: You're gonna like him so much. So umm, when do you want to meet him?\nRachel Green: I don't know. I know I don't work late tomorrow night.\nChandler Bing: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, y'know what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? Eldad come here!\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Eldad, this is Rachel.\nEldad: How are you?\nRachel Green: Well-well a little blind sided but y'know good.\nChandler Bing: Eldad, sit down. Move over! Move over now!\nRachel Green: I-Ohh!\nChandler Bing: There you go! There you are!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! What are you doing here?!\nPhoebe Buffay: This is Patrick.\nPatrick: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hi. Okay, you're too late okay? Because she's already with our guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, you're right! I am too late; they're sitting on the couch and talking! Come on! Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: This is Patrick.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi.\nPatrick: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to what's underneath it.\nRachel Green: Oh-okay, but Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: I'm just sort of in the middle of something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Okay! Yeah, that's okay. Have a seat.\nMonica Geller: No! You can't do that!\nEldad: Maybe I should go!\nMonica Geller: Sit down! We're winning!\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? Maybe I should go!\nEveryone: No-no-no-no! Have a seat! Have a seat!\nMonica Geller: Rachel! Rachel! You haven't touched Eldad's hair!\nChandler Bing: It is the softest hair! Touch it!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel? Patrick is really rich. Give her some money.\nPatrick: Y'know what Phoebe? This isn't really worth the free massage.\nMonica Geller: That's right Patrick, bye-bye!\nChandler Bing: Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! You dance for Rachel!\nRachel Green: No-no! Don't dance for me! Please? Don't! What is the matter with you guys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay, let's talk it out.\nRachel Green: I... Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?\nEldad: I'm a little embarrassed.\nRachel Green: I'll tell ya who should be embarrassed! It's you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then why did she ask us to...\nRachel Green: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean congratulations on all the cash, and-and y'know-Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!\nEldad: Yes, Papaya Extract.\nRachel Green: Thank you!\nRoss Geller: So uh, have a great time down there.\nElizabeth Stevens: I will.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. And did you, did you pack that bathing suit?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: It was pretty funny when I, when I hid it for a while, huh? Anyway, umm, I-I am worried about that bathing suit, not because it's revealing which I'm fine with, no I'm concerned about your health, sun exposure.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh, don't worry I have plenty of sun block, it's SPF-30.\nRoss Geller: Well, if what's in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes it's-it's get 4, and I swear to God more often than not it's just milk.\nElizabeth Stevens: Ross, it's going to be okay. I'm not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah! I'm just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Cool.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh hey! Here they are!\nGuy: Elizabeth!\nRoss Geller: Call me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, we're sorry for pushing those guys on you.\nRachel Green: Oh that's all right! Y'know, I ended up having a really good time. Y'know, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.\nChandler Bing: So what was it for anyway?\nRachel Green: I wanna say a disease.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I just got this really weird message from Ross. He said turn on MTV.\nRachel Green: Huh. All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, look! That's Elizabeth!\nRachel Green: Oh-oh Professor Geller.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, to be 13 again.\nChandler Bing: Yeah."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: The reactor's gonna blow in three seconds, we're never gonna make it!\nPhoebe Buffay: You've got to get out of here! Save yourself!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I won't leave you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't worry about me, I'm a robot! I'm just a machine!!\nJoey Tribbiani: No you're not! Not to me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I am extremely talented!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're great! Okay, let's take it from...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I mean I was really acting my ass off.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I thought I was pretty good too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, you're solid. Yeah, you're just no me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? I think that's enough for now. Yeah. I don't want to be over rehearsed.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! I'll do it without you! I don't need you or anybody else! I'm gonna make it on my own! You'll see!! You'll all see!!\nChandler Bing: So uh, what's this thing you're auditioning for?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's a new TV show. Yeah. I'm up for the part of Mac Macaveli or \"Mac.\" Yeah, I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. He's a, he's a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or \"C.H.E.E.S.E.\"\nRachel Green: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's the title! Yeah! Y'know they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.\nChandler Bing: That is lucky.\nRachel Green: Huh-Wait so Joey if you get this, you're gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean you'll be like the Big Cheese! Or the Big Mac-Hey! You love those!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, don't get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen.\nChandler Bing: Now-now, why would you say that Joseph?\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just don't know if I'm good enough.\nPhoebe Buffay: I am.\nRachel Green: Joey, what are you talking about? You're a terrific actor.\nJoey Tribbiani: You really think so?\nRachel Green: Ugh, how can you even ask that question?!\nChandler Bing: Whoa, she's pretty.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, what?\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.\nChandler Bing: Oh, ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's my scene, there's my scene. \"Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a...\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear.\nJoey Tribbiani: I Play Al Pacino's Butt. All Right? He Goes Into The Shower, And Then- I'M His Butt.\nMonica Geller: Oh My God.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'Mon, You Guys. This Is A Real Movie, And Al Pacino's In It, And That's Big!\nChandler Bing: Oh No, It's Terrific, It'S- It'S- Y'Know, You Deserve This, After All Your Years Of Struggling, You'Ve Finally Been Able To Crack Your Way Into Show Business.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, Okay, Fine! Make Jokes, I Don'T Care! This Is A Big Break For Me!\nRoss Geller: You're right, you're right, it is.\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRoss Geller: So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right well, I'm outta here. Wish me luck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, whatever.\nRoss Geller: It's your turn.\nChandler Bing: Oh, are we playing this?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey! How'd the audition go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Terrible! I messed up every line! I shouldn't even be an actor!\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn't go well but it really did go well?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, did I fool ya?\nRoss Geller: Totally!\nChandler Bing: So it did go well.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it went amazingly well!\nRoss Geller: Great!\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, it's down to me and two other guys.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I know both of them, they're really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials who's always getting chased by those big flowers...\nRoss Geller: Oh, I love that guy!\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh, what are you doing?\nRoss Geller: What am I doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm just so nervous! Y'know? The callback isn't until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode!\nChandler Bing: Well, it is overdue.\nRoss Geller: Look, don't worry. Okay? You're gonna be fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I don't know if you'd understand.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.\nChandler Bing: Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!\nMonica Geller: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.\nInterviewer: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?\nMonica Geller: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.\nInterviewer: Don't, I like it dirty.\nMonica Geller: That's your call.\nInterviewer: So, uh, what are you going to do next?\nMonica Geller: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.\nInterviewer: Are they, uh, firm?\nMonica Geller: They'r alright.\nInterviewer: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?\nMonica Geller: No really, they're OK.\nInterviewer: You gonna slice them up real nice?\nMonica Geller: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.\nInterviewer: Aaaahhhhhhh.\nMonica Geller: I'm outa here.\nRachel Green: Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message.\nMonica Geller: Well, what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until...\nEveryone: Ohhhhhh!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: And all of the sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore.\nMonica Geller: Was it...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Boy Scouts could've camped under it!\nRoss Geller: You ate my sandwich?\nDr. Ledbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh really?\nDr. Ledbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.\nRoss Geller: What?\nDr. Ledbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.\nRoss Geller: You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away!\nRoss Geller: MY SANDWICH?!!!\nRoss Geller: MY SANDWICH!!!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I want this part so much! Y'know? If I don't get this part I'm never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!-No, I didn't say that! That's a lie.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on guys, it's not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it weren't for Monica's allergies. You're right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. Should I get that? Hello? Uh no, Joey's not here right now. Can I take a message? Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? Okay great. Bye.\nMonica Geller: Ahh! Aren't you dressed yet?\nChandler Bing: Am I naked again?!\nMonica Geller: We're supposed to meet my parents in 15 minutes.\nChandler Bing: Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean, is it okay if they come visit?\nMonica Geller: Wh?! What about my allergies?!\nChandler Bing: Oh right, your allergies. All her, she hates you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?\nChandler Bing: As crazy as soccer?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello? What are you talking about? The audition's not 'til 5:00! Well, nobody told me! Who'd you talk to? Nevermind!\nChandler Bing: You mean you didn't get it from this?\nJoey Tribbiani: The allergy guy got the part! Thanks!\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe we can fix it y'know? Maybe we can send him some-some big-big flowers and scare him!\nJoey Tribbiani: How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part could've turned my whole career around!\nChandler Bing: I messed up. Okay? I'm sorry, I really messed up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you don't even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine!\nChandler Bing: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybody's allowed one mistake, right?\nChandler Bing: You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the Liberace house of crap!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not that bad.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . Hi!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to talking, and one thing to another and...\nJoey Tribbiani: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!\nChandler Bing: No! No! No! I just kissed her.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!! That's even worse!!\nChandler Bing: How is that worse?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! But it's the same!\nChandler Bing: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.\nJoey Tribbiani: Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!\nChandler Bing: Look, I'm not saying that you should magically forgive me! But you're not perfect! You've made some errors in judgment too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Name one!\nChandler Bing: What happened?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Awww, man! He promised he wouldn't take the chairs!!\nChandler Bing: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man!\nChandler Bing: So-You got in voluntarily?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I was tryin' to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do?\nChandler Bing: BEND OVER?!!!\nChandler Bing: Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.\nLorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought.\nChandler Bing: ...And what did you bring?\nLorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.\nChandler Bing: Janice?\nChandler Bing: Janice?!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh... my... God.\nChandler Bing: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Cupping.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's how they do pants! Ross, will you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes it is. In prison!\nJoey Tribbiani: I said name one!\nChandler Bing: I can't believe I did this! What an idiot!\nMonica Geller: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There aren't any message you've forgotten to give me are there? Apparently you're not very good at it! I...\nChandler Bing: Do you think he'll ever forgive me?\nRachel Green: Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive yourself!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? I-I kinda have.\nRachel Green: Already? That's pretty bad what you did.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case... Okay...\nChandler Bing: You didn't see how mad he was, y'know?\nRachel Green: I'm sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Y'know, you fight, you make up, it's just the way it works.\nRoss Geller: It took two people to break up this relationship!!\nRachel Green: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!\nRoss Geller: I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter!\nRachel Green: What?!!\nRoss Geller: I fell asleep!\nRachel Green: You fell asleep?!\nRoss Geller: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!'\nRachel Green: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!\nRoss Geller: FINE BY ME!!\nRachel Green: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!\nChandler Bing: I KNEW IT!!!!\nMonica Geller: You had no right to go out with him.\nRachel Green: That is the most ridiculous...\nMonica Geller: You sold me out.\nRachel Green: I did not sell you out.\nMonica Geller: Yes you did. You absolutely sold me...\nRachel Green: Would you let me talk.\nMonica Geller: Did you just flick me?\nRachel Green: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- Ow. That hurt\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! All right. Now, let's not do this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! I know! I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.\nRachel Green: Fine!\nMonica Geller: Fine!\nPhoebe Buffay: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.\nChandler Bing: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? Hello? Damnit! Hello? No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message I think. He's still got a chance for the part?! Oh, that's great news! Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. Oh well, that's great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! Yes! Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. By dog not flowers.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Please tell me you got the message!\nJoey Tribbiani: What message?\nChandler Bing: The actor playing Mac couldn't do it, they needed to see you at 2 o'clock.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! It's 6 o'clock!\nChandler Bing: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Ross's! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe this Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Sorry! I-I-I don't know what to say.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to the audition! I got the part!!\nChandler Bing: Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well I'm uh...\nChandler Bing: Y'know, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow! Okay man, I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad.\nChandler Bing: Well that's good. Because you didn't! And I'm incredibly happy for ya!!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's mean! You really had me going there!\nChandler Bing: Oh, we could do this all day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're right. Okay look, listen, let's talk about what a huge star I'm gonna be!\nChandler Bing: You are gonna be a huge star! I'm gonna hug ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: You hug me!\nChandler Bing: All right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, do we do this too much?\nChandler Bing: I think so. Yeah, get off me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't! My circuits are fried! They're fried I tell you!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Well then I'll just have to carry you.\nRoss Geller: That'll be a neat trick, when you're, when you're dead!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, you don't have to yell.\nRoss Geller: There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired.\nPhoebe Buffay: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, \"Ooh, where'd Ross go?\"\nRoss Geller: Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. I mean...\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? I think that's enough for today. Thanks for your help!\nPhoebe Buffay: He's holding us back.\nRoss Geller: Totally."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Okay, Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRachel Green: And your horoscope says, \"On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift.\"\nChandler Bing: Oh, well thank you in advance.\nRachel Green: Op, but the twelfth brings a lover's spat.\nMonica Geller: You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!\nRachel Green: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: Oh that's right. It's your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?\nJoey Tribbiani: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? I've dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Joey, you're going to be great!\nJoey Tribbiani: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I don't know anything about technology! I can't even use Chandler's computer except to find porn! And-and that's only 'cause it's right there when you turn it on!\nMonica Geller: I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll be waiting.\nChandler Bing: Are you judging them by their covers? Because you're really not supposed to do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm just deciding which one to use-I'm gonna start writing another book!\nRachel Green: Be-because the last one was such a big seller?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What are you guys doing later?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.\nRachel Green: We do?\nPhoebe Buffay: I want to see what he wants first.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I just found out that Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not Elizabeth's dad?!\nRoss Geller: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.\nEveryone: Of course we'll help! Yeah! We'll be here!\nRoss Geller: Thanks!\nMonica Geller: We know how tough those parent/teacher conferences can be.\nThe Producer: So uh, here's your office set!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Huh? Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!\nThe Producer: Let's get you into wardrobe for a fitting.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?\nThe Producer: I'm sorry, why don't we do that right now? He's right here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nThe Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow! He's so lifelike! Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guy's ears.\nThe Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you do there, Wayne?\nThe Producer: I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Sorry about that... Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S.E.?\nWayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here.\nC.H.E.E.S.E.: Nice to meet you Mac!\nJoey Tribbiani: This is like the temporary robot, right?\nWayne: No. Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, y'know? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.\nWayne: I spent two years developing this machine, it's absolutely state of the art.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, it just-I don't know it doesn't really look like it can do anything.\nWayne: It can do this.\nElizabeth Stevens: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.\nRoss Geller: It-it's great to meet you Paul.\nPaul Stevens: I usually prefer Elizabeth's boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.\nRoss Geller: Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens.\nPaul Stevens: So Ross, what your problem?\nRoss Geller: Eh-wh-Excuse me?\nPaul Stevens: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?\nRoss Geller: That's funny. Umm... It's not funny.\nPaul Stevens: I don't like you going out with my daughter Ross.\nRoss Geller: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.\nPaul Stevens: Okay.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPaul Stevens: Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. You got one minute.\nElizabeth Stevens: Daddy!\nPaul Stevens: Fine! Two minutes. Go.\nRoss Geller: This is-you-\nPaul Stevens: 1 minute 50 seconds.\nRoss Geller: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean I've been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a student-I mean I not-not it! I mean, I mean I don't-We haven't done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, we've-we've-we've done stuff. Okay, okay, a joke, a joke-lighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.\nPaul Stevens: I'm Irish.\nRoss Geller: And the Irish guy wins the joke!\nMonica Geller: Ross!!\nChandler Bing: Ross!\nMonica Geller: How crazy that we'd run into you!\nRoss Geller: Oh God, thank you! Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens I'd like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're Elizabeth's father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.\nMonica Geller: Is-is-is there a-a Mrs. Stevens?\nChandler Bing: There's a Mr. Bing!\nPaul Stevens: No, unfortunately Lizzie's mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.\nPaul Stevens: I get that a lot.\nRoss Geller: Okay umm, why don't we all take a seat, y'know? And uh, and I'll get us all some uh some coffees-Yeah, why don't you. Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Y'know? Whatever pops into your head.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, 'cause usually he's got the children's hospital.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Not looking for dates.\nElizabeth Stevens: So uh, Monica is Ross's sister.\nMonica Geller: And he's a great brother!\nPaul Stevens: I had a sister.\nMonica Geller: Ohh!\nPaul Stevens: She passed away.\nPaul Stevens: Oh, you don't have to do that every time.\nChandler Bing: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story... You're roommate in college died didn't he?\nPaul Stevens: A part of him did yes.\nRoss Geller: Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.\nChandler Bing: Yes, we were just...\nRachel Green: Hi, I'm sorry I'm late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Liz's father get here?\nPaul Stevens: I'm already here.\nRachel Green: Oh! Ross is sooo great!\nChandler Bing: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.\nMonica Geller: No, you said the baby creeps you out.\nChandler Bing: No, the little girl creeps me out.\nMonica Geller: You said the baby.\nChandler Bing: Why would the baby creep me out?\nMonica Geller: Why would the little girl creep you out?\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, I'm sorry, could you please talk a little slower?\nChandler Bing: This is going in your book?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's about relationships. Y'know? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!\nMonica Geller: What?! Excuse me!\nPhoebe Buffay: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment.\nRachel Green: Oh hi!\nPaul Stevens: Hi! Hi. I think I left my keys here somewhere.\nRachel Green: Oh! Well let's look for them. Oh-oh-hey! Are these them?\nPaul Stevens: No.\nRachel Green: All right!\nPaul Stevens: Oh, here they are right here.\nRachel Green: Oh good.\nPaul Stevens: Thanks for your help.\nRachel Green: Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?\nPaul Stevens: Just call me Paul.\nRachel Green: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.\nPaul Stevens: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. Are you okay?\nRachel Green: You just don't look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.\nPaul Stevens: Well, we were very young when we had her.\nRachel Green: Oh. We?\nPaul Stevens: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to...\nRachel Green: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I just-I meant y'know are you still a 'We' or are you just 'You?'\nPaul Stevens: I'm just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.\nRachel Green: Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?\nPaul Stevens: Yes I did.\nRachel Green: Ohh. Ooh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: How was your first day?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.\nChandler Bing: Damn those robots, they're supposed to be our faithful servants!\nJoey Tribbiani: Anyway, it wasn't the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, why don't you just get him fired?\nJoey Tribbiani: I may have to, I hate to do it, but I'm the star! Y'know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. Excuse me. Joey Tribbiani.\nEstelle Leonard: Joe! I'm glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow!\nEstelle Leonard: The thing is it's kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!\nEstelle Leonard: Uh-oh!\nRoss Geller: Joey?!\nPaul Stevens: Hi Ross.\nRachel Green: I was just getting him to like you.\nRoss Geller: Joey?! Joey!!\nRachel Green: Ross, Joey is not here.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'll just wait for him in here!\nRachel Green: Ross, it's okay. You can come out.\nPaul Stevens: Yeah Ross it's okay, it's me, Mr. Stevens.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Oh my God! I didn't even see you!\nPaul Stevens: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, \"Joey! Joey!\" Bye Rach.\nRachel Green: Bye!\nPaul Stevens: I'll call you later. Bye Ross.\nRoss Geller: What-what-what the-how da-how did-what the-how did-what?!\nRachel Green: Well, y'know he lost his keys so he was looking for them...\nRoss Geller: In your mouth?!\nRachel Green: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking y'know, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.\nRoss Geller: You were at the coffeehouse!\nRachel Green: Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy!\nRoss Geller: He is my girlfriend's father, okay? It's-it's, it's weird!\nRachel Green: Wh-You dated my sister!\nRoss Geller: That was different!\nRachel Green: What? Why?!\nRoss Geller: This is weird for me!\nRachel Green: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Let's face it, so far the guy's not lovin' ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, y'know? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!\nRoss Geller: How is that important?\nRachel Green: Oh it's important!\nJoey Tribbiani: Apparently, there's like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and there's only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didn't know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?\nMonica Geller: Well y'know Joey, you're a pretty charming guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.\nMonica Geller: No sweetie, you've got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! You've got to kiss some serious robot ass!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow I'm not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs.\nChandler Bing: So do you think uh, Joey's more charming than me?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you wish.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"You wish.\"\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, stop writing about us!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not writing about you! I'm writing about other people.\nChandler Bing: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Marcia and Chester.\nMonica Geller: Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, I'll just write about Phyllis! Hmm!\nChandler Bing: Hmm.\nMonica Geller: Phyllis is sitting in a chair.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: I see what you're doing!\nMonica Geller: Phyllis sees what I'm doing.\nChandler Bing: Oh-oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!\nJoey Tribbiani: Morning! Hey, how's my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?!\nWayne: Don't touch him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! Ah-ah!! Okay, that's why you didn't want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? Stupid! I can't believe it! God! Hey, how you doin'?\nRachel Green: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me.\nElizabeth Stevens: What a nice story!\nPaul Stevens: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.\nRachel Green: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm gonna go to the bathroom.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, take your time.\nRoss Geller: Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as-as...\nPaul Stevens: Ross, look, I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs and it's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, many stories that Rachel has told me that, well you're not all bad.\nRoss Geller: Not all bad.\nPaul Stevens: And anyhow, I'm sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I still look at Lizzie like she's a twelve-year-old girl.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too.\nPaul Stevens: I beg your pardon?\nRoss Geller: No! No! Not-I don't mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, who's umm six and I still think of him as a baby.\nPaul Stevens: You have a son?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as I'm sure you are with your wife! Oh, I'm sorry! It's unbelievable!\nPaul Stevens: Don't worry about it, I just didn't realize you were married.\nRachel Green: Oh we were, but that was just a , I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.\nRoss Geller: You're back.\nPaul Stevens: You two were married?!\nRachel Green: Oh! Whoops! I'm sorry, you were talking about Emily!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.\nChandler Bing: We said seven!\nMonica Geller: We said six!\nChandler Bing: The only way that I said six would be if the seven's, let meet at seven, not at six.\nMonica Geller: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I would've said something like this, \"Wow! My boyfriend's such a wise ass-seven!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Oh my good God.\nMonica Geller: Ugh!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know what time you said.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.\nMonica Geller: What time?\nPhoebe Buffay: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.\nChandler Bing: What does it say?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.\nChandler Bing: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks! So are you.\nChandler Bing: I told you I should not wear this color.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mon... Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks they're supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks it's at seven.\nChandler Bing: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right.\nMonica Geller: Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book!\nPhoebe Buffay: Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe I'm going to lose this job!\nChandler Bing: Oh I'm so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.\nWayne: Hey Joey, I want to talk to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? Well, I don't want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hi, how are ya?\nWayne: Joey, Joey, I-I-I'll g-get you your job back if you help me out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why should I help you?!\nChandler Bing: The reason he just said.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you need?\nWayne: I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, y'know Sarah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nWayne: I wish I could talk to her.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you in love with her or something?\nWayne: Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I've been there my friend.\nWayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow Wayne, it's not really something you can teach y'know? It's pretty much something you're born with if you-You-you can teach it! I'll show you right how to do it.\nRachel Green: I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.\nPaul Stevens: How to make the next one even shorter?\nRachel Green: Now wait a minute that's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didn't tell me. Maybe I have to pee again.\nPaul Stevens: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I-I-I... I-I have had enough of this! Y'know, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if you've got a problem with me, frankly...\nPaul Stevens: Are you yelling at me?!\nRoss Geller: God no!\nElizabeth Stevens: Y'know what daddy? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna go out with him anyway.\nPaul Stevens: Really?!\nRoss Geller: Well if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me! Still not yelling!\nPaul Stevens: Wow. What can I say? This doesn't make me like you any better!\nRoss Geller: That's okay, I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.\nPaul Stevens: Then we agree?\nRoss Geller: Uh yeah, I guess-Yeah! I guess so.\nPaul Stevens: Neither of us like Ross!\nElizabeth Stevens: I like Ross.\nRoss Geller: Ohhh! Kids!\nRachel Green: Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!\nRoss Geller: That's okay Rach, we're not liking Ross right now.\nRachel Green: Oh! I've got a lot of those too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.\nC.H.E.E.S.E.: The shipment never made it through Omaha?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it! And the rabbi's beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! It's your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! Wayne! Wayne!!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hi, you guys.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: What's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well it's just-it's one of those situations that I just hate. Y'know? A massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmet-Pelts exhibit at the Morgan Chase museum.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! It's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!\nChandler Bing: I'll give up my ticket.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay that's so generous!\nChandler Bing: And I think Ross is generous too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Okay then it's just us girls!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: So what-what is the exhibit.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!\nRoss Geller: Thanks? But I have plans; Elizabeth and I are going out of town.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I mean think about all the money that you're gonna make!\nRoss Geller: Why? What?\nMonica Geller: Well, her father pays you for baby-sitting right?\nRoss Geller: No, no, that's funny. But maybe it's time to move on, let it go, y'know? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeth's father, so ah, he's much older than she is. Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils, huh?\nRachel Green: I mean Ross all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings in his ear.\nChandler Bing: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on you guys; that's funny! Y'know? Because he's need-he's got like a hearing aide y'know, 'cause-'cause y'know, 'cause he's all old, and...\nPaul Stevens: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, I've decided to accept the fact that you're going out with her.\nRoss Geller: Really? That okay, that's great.\nPaul Stevens: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. I'm funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now I'm telling you, I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore.\nRoss Geller: All right look, I-I realize it upsets you.\nPaul Stevens: Yes it does.\nRoss Geller: But, Elizabeth and I are-are both adults and so I don't think there's really anything you can do about it.\nPaul Stevens: I'll call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.\nRoss Geller: Ohh! A man with a plan!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is so exciting! You get your picture back up on the wall of fame! Eek!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin' up about something... Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now he's just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, I'll...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, okay maybe they put your picture back up they can put you next to Matt Lauer. Look at him, smiling at me. Yeah I know; we'd be great together!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! So I'm back.\nThe Dry Cleaner: Who are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, I'm ready to go back up on the wall I'm the star of a new TV show.\nThe Dry Cleaner: Show me in the table.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, it's not on TV yet.\nThe Dry Cleaner: Well, then it's not on the wall yet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: So umm, now do you have any of Matt Lauer's clothes here? Maybe? Just ones that haven't been cleaned yet?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I love museums!\nRachel Green: Umm.\nMonica Geller: Soakin' up all the culture.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Where do you want to start?\nRachel Green: Ooh, the gift shop!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, and then lunch.\nRachel Green: Oh, wait yes, but I can't eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wow. What, do you think maybe he's gonna tell you that he's gay?\nRachel Green: What?! No! Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No reason! That would just be a really big surprise, right?\nThe Museum Official: You can put the aisle over here , and put the wedding ceremony right over here.\nRachel Green: I didn't know you could get married here.\nMonica Geller: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldn't put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! I mean you'd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch.\nThe Museum Official: May I help you?\nRachel Green: Oh sorry didn't mean to interrupt. It's just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here?\nThe Museum Official: Yes. We're very popular. There's a two-year waiting list. Sorry!\nRachel Green: Monica, you should totally put your name down on the list\nMonica Geller: What?! Are you crazy?! I'm not getting married! I'm not even engaged.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but there's a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. That's four years. Chandler's not gonna wait that long. He's gonna find somebody else, y'know? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list.\nRachel Green: Yeah hon, it can't hurt to put your name down! I mean in if two years if you're not engaged you just don't use it.\nMonica Geller: Well, I mean I guess there is no harm in putting my name down.\nRachel Green: I'm gonna do it too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too!\nRachel Green: Really? Who would, who would you marry?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, I don't have anyone right now. Y'know?\nRachel Green: Oh Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't feel too sorry for me. At least my boyfriend isn't gay.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, that stuff is...\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't even get me started on yours!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show?\nThe Dry Cleaner: I did.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, let's get me back up there!\nThe Dry Cleaner: No! It don't go up on the wall!\nJoey Tribbiani: What-But you saw the show!\nThe Dry Cleaner: Yes, it was very offensive to my people!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dry cleaners?\nThe Dry Cleaner: Russians! It showed them as terrorists and villains!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there!\nThe Dry Cleaner: That's right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer, he brings us a lot of clothes; you bring us nothing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-that's offensive to Russians.\nThe Dry Cleaner: I've never seen it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh you should, it's great.\nRoss Geller: This place is really beautiful!\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah, I've been coming here since I was a kid. This used to be my Grandma's.\nRoss Geller: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyes-Do-do you want to make out?\nElizabeth Stevens: Sure!\nElizabeth Stevens: Are you okay? What's wrong?\nRoss Geller: Ehh, I was just, I was just thinking about your father.\nElizabeth Stevens: Well, whatever works for ya...\nRoss Geller: No. No-no uh, he just, he just really freaked me out before.\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh. Well, so we have to hide our relationship from one more person. Big deal. Besides, it's kinda fun hiding.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nElizabeth Stevens: Hey umm, you brought protection right?\nRoss Geller: Why?! Are there like bears or something?! Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.\nElizabeth Stevens: I'll just run to the store and get some.\nRoss Geller: Oh no! Hey-hey, I'm the guy! I'll get it.\nElizabeth Stevens: Do you know where the store is?\nRoss Geller: No.\nElizabeth Stevens: Do you want to ride around town on my little pink bicycle?\nRoss Geller: A little bit.\nElizabeth Stevens: I'll be back in ten minutes.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nElizabeth Stevens: Why don't you get in the hot tub and I'll meet you there.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, okay.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, what a great surprise! This is such a beautiful house.\nPaul Stevens: Thank you, it's my mom's. So this is the kitchen.\nChandler Bing: You've reached Monica and Chandler's, if you're listening to this message, we're probably screening. Yeah we are.\nThe Museum Official: Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available...\nChandler Bing: This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! Yes, the groom-No! Not the groom!!\nRachel Green: It's so secluded up here.\nPaul Stevens: I know. I like it up here.\nRachel Green: I feel like we're the only two people in the world. Oops. Sorry.\nPaul Stevens: What's the matter honey? Did you see a little mouse?\nRachel Green: No-no! Big bear! Big bear outside! I think I-I-would you-actually, would you go check on that?\nPaul Stevens: Honey, we don't have any bears here.\nRachel Green: Well, okay. Would-would you get me a Diet Coke?\nPaul Stevens: Okay. I'll be right back.\nRachel Green: Okay. What?! What are you doing here?!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing here?!\nRachel Green: I came with Paul!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I recognize the ankles!\nRachel Green: Get up!\nPaul Stevens: Here you go honey!\nRachel Green: Ahh. Thank you!\nPaul Stevens: Diet Coke.\nRachel Green: Op, ice. I need ice.\nPaul Stevens: Okay.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nPaul Stevens: I'll be right back.\nRoss Geller: You and your ice.\nRachel Green: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! No! Not in there! He's in there!\nRoss Geller: Did you really hear a bear?\nRachel Green: Go-go!\nPaul Stevens: Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice.\nRachel Green: Ohh, thank you.\nPaul Stevens: I'm so happy that you're here.\nElizabeth Stevens: Here I am!\nPaul Stevens: Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeth's here! Who are you talking to?\nElizabeth Stevens: Uh, you guys?\nPaul Stevens: How did you know we were here?\nElizabeth Stevens: Umm...\nRachel Green: Well, she-she ob-obviously saw the tire tracks that were leading up to the closed garage.\nElizabeth Stevens: Obviously.\nPaul Stevens: Elizabeth, what are you doing here?!\nRachel Green: Did-did you come up here to work on that term paper or something?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah! Yep.\nRachel Green: Well, why do y'know go in that room and do your homework?\nElizabeth Stevens: Ohh, I wouldn't do it in there. That's my dad's bedroom.\nRachel Green: That's your, that's your dad's bedroom. That's your dad's bedroom!\nPaul Stevens: Why are you yelling?\nRachel Green: Whoa, that Diet Coke just went straight to my head! Woo!\nMonica Geller: Hi, honey.\nChandler Bing: See you later.\nMonica Geller: What? I-I bought groceries, I was gonna make you dinner!\nChandler Bing: Well next time ask! Or at least wait for me to ask!\nThe Museum Official: Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller.\nMonica Geller: Oh no!\nThe Museum Official: I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available...\nMonica Geller: Oh please, he didn't hear it! He didn't hear it!!\nChandler Bing: This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing!\nMonica Geller: NOOOO!!!!!!!!\nFemale Clerk: Can I help you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh yeah, where-where's the guy who decides who's pictures go up on the wall?\nFemale Clerk: He's not here right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you're kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? I'm an actor; I'm kinda getting my picture up there on the wall.\nFemale Clerk: Y'know, there are two people who could put your picture up there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? You're the other one right?\nPaul Stevens: So Lizzie, are-are-are you planning on staying the night?\nElizabeth Stevens: Oh no-no believe me, I'm leaving as soon as possible!\nPaul Stevens: Good. Good. Not that we don't want you to stay, obviously you're welcome-How much more homework do you have?\nElizabeth Stevens: Ahh, I just have one problem left that I do not know how to solve. Uhh, Rachel maybe you want to come upstairs and help me figure it out?\nRachel Green: Really? Okay. Okay, I-I'll go upstairs. If-if you get me something from the car.\nPaul Stevens: What do you need from the car?\nRachel Green: Surprise me.\nPaul Stevens: Okay.\nRachel Green: So you're gonna be in the car, I will be upstairs, and that's where everybody's gonna be!\nPaul Stevens: Just relax. Just relax Paul, you're doing great. She likes you. She... Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Y'know why? Because you're a neat guy. You are the man. You are the man! I still got it. Nice and sexy. You're just a love machine. I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! Showtime. I'm just a love machine, yeah ba-by!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Have you seen Chandler?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Why?\nMonica Geller: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! I know! How bad is this?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well for the regular guy, it's bad, but Chandler, Oh dear God!\nMonica Geller: I know! I know! And he totally freaked out and I can't find him anywhere!\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you gonna do?\nMonica Geller: Well, I'm never gonna listen to you again, that's for sure! \"Y'know, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel said that!\nMonica Geller: Well Rachel's not here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Here it is! Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, \"Son of a bitch?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't do that! Who would've done that?!\nThe Dry Cleaner: Son of a bitch!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, maybe ask this guy.\nThe Dry Cleaner: You, get out of my shop!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what did he do?\nThe Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-I-Hey! I did not go out with your wife! Okay? I went out with her!\nThe Dry Cleaner: That's my wife!!! Get out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we should go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nElizabeth Stevens: Ross? Ross?\nRoss Geller: Elizabeth! Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go out this window. I'll meet you at the front door. Just tell them you're going home, okay?\nElizabeth Stevens: Okay!\nRachel Green: Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Don't go in there! Don't go in there! I need another soda!\nPaul Stevens: Ross!\nRachel Green: Oh my God Ross! What in heaven's name are you doing here?\nRoss Geller: And that is why we cannot see each other anymore.\nPaul Stevens: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.\nElizabeth Stevens: Daddy!\nPaul Stevens: You're next!!\nElizabeth Stevens: Okay. I didn't know he was here.\nPaul Stevens: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or I'll have you fired. What you heard was, \"Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!\"\nRoss Geller: Okay, please-please Paul, just let me explain...\nPaul Stevens: No, let me explain! Fired!!\nRoss Geller: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy.\nPaul Stevens: What?\nRoss Geller: And I too am just a love machine.\nPaul Stevens: Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.\nMonica Geller: I'm so sorry. Please, stop freaking out.\nChandler Bing: I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday.\nMonica Geller: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, what's the harm in that?\nChandler Bing: Right here!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, please don't think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel...\nChandler Bing: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!\nMonica Geller: It was a mistake. Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yes, if it really doesn't mean anything, because you know that I'm just not ready...\nMonica Geller: I know! I know.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go tell Joey that that you're back. I was really worried about you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, did she buy it?\nChandler Bing: Totally.\nPhoebe Buffay: So did Heldi show you the place?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, it's beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Gunther.\nGunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there wants the biscotti.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.\nGunther: Do you still work here?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, I quit a long time ago. Did I forget to you that one? I'm sorry.\nGunther: Oh that's cool, I was gonna fire you anyway.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I can't figure this out! It's so hard! Should I get her a Tiffany cut or a Princess cut or a-ah-ah! Paper cut!\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, have you told anyone else?\nChandler Bing: No, I don't want to tell anybody else because I don't want Monica to find out.\nPhoebe Buffay: You told me.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's because I trust you, you're one of my best friends, and you walked in on me when I was looking at ring brochures.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.\nChandler Bing: Me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?\nChandler Bing: Oh all right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, coffeehouse.\nRoss Geller: Oh perfect, we were just gonna see if you wanted to go.\nChandler Bing: Oh well, we don't because we got...the...other pl-place.\nRoss Geller: How rude.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. You wanna bite?\nPhoebe Buffay: So how are things going with Paul?\nRachel Green: Good. Although y'know, he-he's a private guy. Y'know, I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that won't open.\nRachel Green: So what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?\nPhoebe Buffay: No that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.\nPaul Stevens: Hi honey.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Watch this.\nPaul Stevens: How are you?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Paul!\nPaul Stevens: Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: So how are things going with you?\nPaul Stevens: Can't complain.\nPaul Stevens: Come on.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPaul Stevens: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nPaul Stevens: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Great to see you!\nPaul Stevens: Good to see you too!\nRoss Geller: How you doing?\nPaul Stevens: Good. Bye!\nRoss Geller: Okay! You take care!\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! That was so weird, huh?\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, why'd you do it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't do it! It was Chandler! He's... He's mad at you!\nRoss Geller: What?! Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Please, I think you know why.\nRoss Geller: I can't think of anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, is it because Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you think that's something that he'd be mad at you for?\nRoss Geller: I guess it could.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then I think that's it.\nRoss Geller: Well, if he's angry, he really shouldn't just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, if that's what you want you then you really should run his head under hot water and bang his head against a table.\nPaul Stevens: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah that's great. But first, wait, talk to me, talk to me. Tell me about your day.\nPaul Stevens: It was fine.\nRachel Green: Okay. Hey, what are you thinking? What are you thinking right now?\nPaul Stevens: I'm thinking that you are looking really fine it that dress.\nRachel Green: Yeah that's great Paul, but y'know I wanna know what-Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this-this strong, silent exterior. Y'know they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours.\nPaul Stevens: Are you talking about having sex?\nRachel Green: No Paul, I don't know anything about you! Y'know, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!\nPaul Stevens: Normal.\nRachel Green: Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, that's always a painful time! Y'know your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while you're sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.\nPaul Stevens: Nope! That never happened to me!\nRachel Green: Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm... The rest of you life, y'know? Any regrets?\nPaul Stevens: Nope.\nRachel Green: All right Paul, I'm not asking for a lot here. Okay? Just give me something. Anything!\nPaul Stevens: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPaul Stevens: Okay.\nRachel Green: All right.\nPaul Stevens: When I was six years old.\nRachel Green: Hm-mmm.\nPaul Stevens: I wanted a big wheel. And instead my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing; kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year.\nRachel Green: That's-that's great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Let's go.\nPaul Stevens: It was horrible. They called me chicken boy.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPaul Stevens: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasn't really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here you can see it.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that y'know, you shared your feelings. It's really, it's beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?\nPaul Stevens: Oh, I couldn't eat now.\nRachel Green: What?! Wait! What are you talking about?! You love their Kung Pao Chicken!\nPaul Stevens: Chicken? Chicken boy!\nRachel Green: My God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I wouldn't do that!\nChandler Bing: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store we've been too and I can't find the perfect ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! It's a beautiful selection.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Y'know? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, y'know? Or an engagement tiara? Or-ooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the ring. Oh, this one's nice! I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.\nMale Jeweler: Can I help you?\nChandler Bing: Uh-uh, yes. I would like to see that ring please.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or not, whatever.\nMale Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, it's a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.\nChandler Bing: Sir, can I ask you to umm, could you...hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?\nMale Jeweler: Okay. Will you marry me?\nChandler Bing: Oh my God that's it, that's the ring! How much is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, I-I will handle this! How much is it?\nMale Jeweler: 8,600.\nPhoebe Buffay: We will give you $10.\nMale Jeweler: Are you interested in this ring?!\nChandler Bing: Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.\nMale Jeweler: Okay, I can let it go at eight.\nPhoebe Buffay: We stand firm at $10.\nMale Jeweler: How would you like to pay?\nChandler Bing: Uh, credit card. Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. Okay, I'll go get it. You guard the ring.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Listen, I'm sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10.\nMale Jeweler: Uh yes, I have these two rather beautiful $5 bills.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll give you $1 for them.\nRoss Geller: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRoss Geller: Remember? You-you were eating pizza.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Well, apparently Chandler's angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, we're supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Anyway, I-I still think we should try to patch things up, y'know? Like uh, maybe we could get him to get tickets to another Knicks game and invite him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow that's a great idea! And I still have his credit card.\nGunther: Here you go.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. Y'know I gotta tell ya, sometimes I just-I don't get Chandler. Y'know, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you don't get all upset.\nRoss Geller: All the time?\nJoey Tribbiani: All the time!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God!!\nMonica Geller: Still crying?\nRachel Green: Like a little girl. I know. I know. I know. This is all my fault; I wanted him to open up. But God, I didn't know that I was gonna unleash this-this weepy, clingy, moist monster!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.\nRachel Green: What's the other one?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, I've never had to use the other one. I'm just saying y'know, if we're having sex, he's not gonna be talking.\nRachel Green: Oh that's right. You're the talker. Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.\nMonica Geller: Oh, we have some...\nRachel Green: No you don't!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay umm, I'd also like to try on the tiara. Oh yeah. Okay. What do you think, too much?\nMale Jeweler: A tad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. Something's missing. It's not... Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.\nMale Jeweler: Where's the 1920s princess cut ring.\nFemale Jeweler: I just sold it to that gentleman.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now!\nPaul Stevens: Rachel?\nChandler Bing: No. How are ya Paul?\nPaul Stevens: Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?\nChandler Bing: No, did he hug you?!\nPaul Stevens: No! No! It's just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.\nChandler Bing: Well, you can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.\nPaul Stevens: Hey Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nPaul Stevens: Would you...Would you hug me?\nChandler Bing: I'm a little busy here Paul.\nPaul Stevens: That's exactly what my dad used to say!\nChandler Bing: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. Oh hey! There you go. Okay.\nPaul Stevens: Five more seconds.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPaul Stevens: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! Hi, Paul is it?\nChandler Bing: Do you have my credit card?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, it's in my... In...in my pocket. My back pocket! My back pocket!\nChandler Bing: Thank God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey listen I got us tickets to a Knicks game tonight.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I can't go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! It'll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and... Paul probably...\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, I found the perfect ring.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's uh, that's pretty nice but I'm gonna go with the one I picked first.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. It's over!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Some guy bought it. I'm sorry. I tired to stop it but they put me in jail!\nChandler Bing: They put you in jail?\nPhoebe Buffay: The little jail between the doors!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I'm sorry! But y'know, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.\nChandler Bing: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe it was the guy.\nChandler Bing: It was the ring!\nRoss Geller: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! He blew us off!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe it. Can I tell you something? I'm a little mad at him now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I tell you something? Me too.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? He didn't want to talk to us about being angry, well maybe we don't talk to him at all!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooooh! Freeze him out.\nRoss Geller: That's right!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like it!\nRoss Geller: Eh? We'll show him!\nJoey Tribbiani: From now on, it's gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. Okay! We're gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.\nRachel Green: Hi. I'm back.\nPaul Stevens: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, I've written it all down!\nRachel Green: Ah that's great. No actually that's... That's great! That's really great! Y'know, I gotta tell ya writing, I mean writing, gets me uh, gets me kinda hot.\nPaul Stevens: Wait! Wait! Listen! Listen to this! Y'know what I wanted to be when I was that age?\nRachel Green: A lover?\nPaul Stevens: A surfer.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah surfer?\nPaul Stevens: I wanted to be one with the waves, y'know?\nRachel Green: Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isn't too revealing is it?\nPaul Stevens: No. What ever happened to that little dude. So full of dreams...\nRachel Green: I don't care about the little dude! I can't! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Y'know, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then it's only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I could've made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!\nPaul Stevens: What?! I can't believe you're trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!\nRachel Green: Oh... I'm sorry. I... I-I don't mean-I didn't mean to stifle you. I... This is all just a little overwhelming.\nPaul Stevens: Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It's just that, when those gates open, you... Hard to close 'em. But they are closed now. Believe me.\nRachel Green: I'm so glad, I'm so glad you shared. And I'm glad that you're done. What do you say we umm...\nPaul Stevens: I would really like that.\nPaul Stevens: That was...so good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe I let you talk me into buying this stupid gumball machine looking ring!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not a stupid gumball machine looking ring! It's a beautiful ring!\nChandler Bing: No, it's not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monica's face when I gave it to her, y'know? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. Look, this is the most important thing I'm gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure it's perfect.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. 'Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.\nChandler Bing: I can't do that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring.\nPhoebe Buffay: There he is!\nChandler Bing: Okay and he hasn't proposed yet because she has no ring on her finger.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! You're good! After this, we should solve crimes.\nChandler Bing: Yeah! Okay, go, go, go get him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Excuse me sir? Could you come with me please? You have a phone call.\nCustomer: Who is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It is your office.\nCustomer: Do you know who at my office?\nPhoebe Buffay: John?\nCustomer: Oh John! Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Here he is.\nChandler Bing: Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring you're about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, I'm gonna need to have that back. But, in exchange I'm willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. Ew.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! I would trade.\nCustomer: It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Now, if you'll excuse me.\nChandler Bing: No-no! This is my fiancee and her heart was set on that ring. You don't want to break her heart now do you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, do you want to break a dying woman's heart?\nCustomer: You're dying?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, she's dying... Of a cough apparently.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if I'm not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity...\nChandler Bing: Okay, that's enough honey!\nCustomer: I don't know. Let me see the ring.\nChandler Bing: Great! Okay, here.\nCustomer: All right.\nChandler Bing: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! And you are about to marry a wonderful man! Hey! I'm marrying a dead woman!\nChandler Bing: Guys? I've got something important to tell ya. Guys? Guys?! I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think we gotta end the freeze out.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, is this, is this for real?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, check out the ring.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!!\nRoss Geller: So you two are really serious?!\nChandler Bing: Yep, pretty much.\nRoss Geller: You-you're gonna get married?! I mean... We're gonna be brothers-in-law!\nJoey Tribbiani: And-and-and-and-and-and, and we're gonna be friends again!\nChandler Bing: Heyyyy-What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh it's water under the bridge, forget it!\nChandler Bing: Okay! I was gonna wait 'til uh, it was official y'know? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because you're my best friends.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think I'm gonna cry!\nRachel Green: Ugh! No more crying! Please! I just dumped one cry baby, I'll dump you too!\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh Chandler!! You guys are gonna be so happy!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where's all the tissues?!\nChandler Bing: Check out the ring.\nRachel Green: Nice! One and a half carat easy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.\nRoss Geller: You told her before you told us?\nChandler Bing: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? Guys? Guys?"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!\nRachel Green: Yeah? Well, you should know. You've bought like a billion of 'em.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you didn't get one.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well tonight's the big night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay listen, how are you gonna ask her?\nChandler Bing: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. I'm going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast I'm just gonna propose.\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nJoey Tribbiani: That sounds perfect!\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're gonna mess it up let me do it.\nChandler Bing: I'm not gonna mess it up.\nPhoebe Buffay: If she says no, can I have the ring?\nChandler Bing: She's not gonna say no.\nPhoebe Buffay: If!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Monica.\nChandler Bing: Give me it!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's gone.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hi Monica.\nPhoebe Buffay: We're practically kissing.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Well, Monica and Chandler can't go. We're going to dinner remember?!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.\nMonica Geller: What's the big deal?\nChandler Bing: I just get mad when Rachel doesn't remember where we're going.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where are you going?\nRachel Green: How about you guys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Open bar?\nRachel Green: I think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can do that for the kids.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know what? I'll come too. I'm making money now; it's about time I give something back.\nChandler Bing: Well, you could also give back the money you owe me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Have a benefit.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight?\nRoss Geller: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.\nChandler Bing: Oh, so you're already doing your part for the kids.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, it's just one of my last nights together before she leaves for camp-to be a counselor!\nMonica Geller: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didn't agree to that!\nMonica Geller: Do you really see this as a long-term thing?\nRoss Geller: I don't know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, you are 12 years older than her.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, does-does everyone feel this way?\nEveryone: Yeah! Yeah, sort of. I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: Uh-uh-Wow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesn't really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, I'm the one dating Elizabeth, not you!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not what she said last night.\nRachel Green: See? Now, he could date her.\nChandler Bing: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Hey, you marry me! What's going on little elves?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah you have the ring?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, right here in my pocket. Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oop!\nChandler Bing: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and she's gonna know.\nRoss Geller: Yeah-yeah you guys. Get out of here!\nMonica Geller: Hi guys.\nChandler Bing: You are beautiful.\nMonica Geller: Oh, thank you! What's going on?\nRachel Green: We're just really...very excited about this charity event that we have to go to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here.\nRachel Green: Oh! Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: So now what's going on here?\nRachel Green: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know what a silent is I meant, what's going on with your hair?\nRachel Green: Uh, wh-why?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! It's nice!\nMr. Thompson: Nice to see you Rachel.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi!\nMr. Thompson: So glad you brought someone.\nRachel Green: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. He's the head of my department.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hi.\nRachel Green: And I also brought my friend Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!! Shrimp toast!\nRachel Green: Well, y'know I-I don't know where he is.\nMr. Thompson: Well, I hope you're gonna bid on some things Rachel.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip to Paris.\nMr. Thompson: Ohh, nice choice.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMr. Thompson: Good luck.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Okay, twenty dollars.\nZoe: Shut the door! Shut the door!!\nRoss Geller: What's-what's going on?\nElizabeth Stevens: The guys across the hall are throwing water balloons at us.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you have to call the police! That's what I did to the kids in my building!\nElizabeth Stevens: No, it's a water balloon fight! We started it!\nRoss Geller: Oh! Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, it's supposed to be excellent. The director is the same...\nElizabeth Stevens: Who drank all the Kamikazes?\nSarah: Nobody! We put them in here!\nElizabeth Stevens: You want some?!\nRoss Geller: No! Okay! Okay! Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second?\nElizabeth Stevens: Yeah, sure.\nRoss Geller: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? It's-it's gotten great reviews! Y'know the uh...\nFirst Dorm Guy: Attack!\nSecond Dorm Guy: Put your balloons down!\nThe Girls: You put your balloons down!!\nFirst Dorm Guy: You put your balloons down!!\nRoss Geller: Everybody put their balloons down!!! Now this is a nice suit!!\nMr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.\nRachel Green: Ugh! So close!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Look!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: I got me some drinks!\nRachel Green: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Open bar!\nRachel Green: Well now it's an empty bar.\nPhoebe Buffay: You just can't stand anyone else enjoying themselves can't you?\nMr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentleman's day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000!\nJoey Tribbiani: I won! That was my guess!\nRachel Green: What?! What?! What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I guessed 20,000!\nRachel Green: Joey! It is an auction! You don't guess, you buy!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! I don't have 20,000!\nMr. Thompson: Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!!\nRachel Green: Joey! Sit down!\nPhoebe Buffay: Forget her! You enjoy this!!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. I remembered it. The champagne is here.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: Yes! Yes! I'm good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everything-are you-are you perrr-perfect?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah. I'm okay. I'm actually-I'm a little cold, can I have your jacket?\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah. Uh, no you can't have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were going to be cold, you should've brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are you okay? Are you okay?\nMonica Geller: Are you sure you're okay?\nChandler Bing: Yes! I'm fine. In fact I've been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.\nMonica Geller: Ohh that's sweet!\nChandler Bing: Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I couldn't imagine growing old with...\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: I know, but just let me say it.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Richard.\nChandler Bing: What?! I'm Chandler! Oh, that's Richard!\nMonica Geller: Oh God, maybe he won't see us. Richard!\nRichard Burke: Monica! Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey, hey! I don't know why I did that!\nMonica Geller: Hey, it's good to see you!\nRichard Burke: You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.\nMonica Geller: Yeah-Oh that's right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.\nRichard Burke: Well, my nose got lonely.\nChandler Bing: And uh, you don't have a mustache which is good. I'm Chandler; I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.\nRichard's Date: Hi, I'm Lisa.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nRichard Burke: Oh, I'm sorry. Lisa, Monica, Chandler. We used to date.\nChandler Bing: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! See I, did it again.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, wh-why don't we sit down?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'll sit down.\nMonica Geller: It's good to see you\nMatire'D: You're table's ready sir.\nRichard Burke: Oh. Good to see you guys.\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nMatire'D: Or if you prefer, this table is available.\nRichard Burke: That might be fun.\nRachel Green: What were you thinking?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't know it was an auction!\nRachel Green: Wh?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!\nRachel Green: Why would a charity give away a free boat?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! Charity?\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, just buy the damn boat!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, don't you think you've had enough to drink?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just helping the kids!\nRachel Green: How is you drinking helping the kids?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.\nMr. Thompson: Mr. Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hi!\nMr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?\nMr. Thompson: I think it was valued at 19,000\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I was pretty close. Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I can't buy the boat, I don't have any money.\nRachel Green: Joey! Joey, good one!\nMr. Thompson: That's good. Very good!\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh listen, I think I'm gonna take off now.\nRachel Green: Hey! You...can't...leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I don't have that kind of money!\nRachel Green: I know. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what we're gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then you're just gonna pay the difference.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I don't know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Y'know? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!\nRachel Green: Not great.\nMonica Geller: And so, we're hiding in the bathroom.\nRichard Burke: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.\nMonica Geller: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know they're going at it right on the bathroom floor.\nLisa: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.\nRichard Burke: It's so great seeing you guys again. I'd like to make a toast. Uh, as a poet once said, \"In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed.\"\nMonica Geller: Ohh.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, you guys!!\nChandler Bing: Before you say anything, have we got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!\nRoss Geller: Who?\nChandler Bing: Richard!\nRoss Geller: What? A-ohh! Ohh. Oh that's right that's right. That's Richard's favorite place too.\nChandler Bing: Oh you knew that. Good!\nMonica Geller: I thought you were going out with Elizabeth.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.\nMonica Geller: Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just can't get out of!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, maybe she is too young for me. Y'know, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I don't know what to do.\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean that's what I did when I first weighing stuff.\nRoss Geller: Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, I'm-I'm 12 years older than she is.\nMonica Geller: If the school finds out you're fired.\nRoss Geller: Hmm.\nMonica Geller: She's leaving for three months.\nChandler Bing: For camp!\nRoss Geller: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well she's-she's sweet and pretty and...\nMonica Geller: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, \"Do you see a future?\" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didn't you?!\nRoss Geller: No! No! I...didn't do that. It's just... Okay, honestly no. I don't, I don't see a big future with her.\nMonica Geller: Okay well I think...that's your answer.\nRoss Geller: I've got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if you're not careful you may not get married at all this year!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.\nRachel Green: Oh great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, okay.\nRachel Green: Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a trip for two! Excuse me. Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?\nEmil Alexander: That was me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, en chante.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?\nMr. Bowmont: That's me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, yes.\nRachel Green: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.\nJoey Tribbiani: You-you have to pay that! It's not just a guess.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay.\nMr. Bowmont: I was actually relieved uh I didn't win the boat. My wife would've killed me.\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me?! She's gonna this boat!\nRachel Green: Y-Yeah! What-what is your wife's name?\nMr. Bowmont: It's Pam.\nRachel Green: Pam! Oh God okay, just imagine this, \"The Pam.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw-awww!\nMr. Bowmont: I don't think she'd like that.\nRachel Green: Okay, uh-uh imagine this, \"The Mr. Bowmont.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooooh...\nMr. Bowmont: I don't think so dear.\nRachel Green: Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. All right, you are settin' sail up the Hudson! You've got the wind in your h-arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that you've always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin'! You can-ooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and then when you're old, Cappy.\nMr. Bowmont: What the hell, it's for a good cause! All right!\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! It's mine!!\nRachel Green: What?! What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All that stuff you just said? I want that!\nRachel Green: But Joey you don't have $20,000!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who cares?! I-I'll make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr. Bowmont!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God, you're back!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand!\nMonica Geller: Why do you want to see my hand?\nPhoebe Buffay: I wanna see what's in your hand. I wanna see the trash.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eww! Oh, it's all dirty. You should throw this out.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: What did you guys just do?!\nPhoebe Buffay: What happened?\nChandler Bing: Richard was there so I couldn't do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Noooo...\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna do it tomorrow y'know, and-and surprise her, but now you've ruined it!\nJoey Tribbiani: We didn't ruin it!\nChandler Bing: Who walks into a room and asks to see a person's hands?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor...\nJoey Tribbiani: Glove salesman!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good one! Yeah.\nChandler Bing: This is terrible. What am I going to do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesn't know for sure, so just throw her off the track.\nChandler Bing: That's right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that you're scared of commitment! Convince her that you're a little coward!\nChandler Bing: I can do that, I've had 30 years of practice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off!\nMonica Geller: I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!\nJoey Tribbiani: That guy's still doing that?!\nRachel Green: Hey! Oh my God you're here, let me see your hand!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you're too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!\nRoss Geller: Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was such a grown-up about it! She didn't seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge mistake?\nElizabeth Stevens: Ross! Wait!\nRoss Geller: Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about...\nElizabeth Stevens: You suck!!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, break-up's still on!\nChandler Bing: Okay, okay, here she comes! How do I look? Do I look like a guy who doesn't want to get married?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. I never noticed that before.\nMonica Geller: Hi guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What are you up too?\nChandler Bing: Oh, just hanging out, talkin' about uh, websites. Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, Big Brother.\nMonica Geller: Well that's a little crazy. Although I am y'know glad to hear that you're branching out on what you look at on the Internet.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well... Y'know, it just got me thinking though, why would anybody ever want to get married huh?\nMonica Geller: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!\nChandler Bing: Eh...\nMonica Geller: Okay well that's good to know.\nJoey Tribbiani: The Mr. Bowmont's here!!!\nWaitress: Hey Monica, there's a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?\nMonica Geller: Sure, I love this part!\nWaitress: Come on in.\nRichard Burke: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Richard!\nRichard Burke: Actually, I'm not here to complement the chef.\nMonica Geller: Ohh... Oh, that's okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So what's up?\nRichard Burke: Well, it was great seeing you the other night.\nMonica Geller: Oh, good to see you too. Did you come down here to tell me that?\nRichard Burke: No! I came here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: What uh-What did you-What?!\nRichard Burke: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldn't even be here telling you this, I mean you're with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say he's straight I'll believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didn't tell ya I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.\nMonica Geller: Y'know you're really not supposed to be back here!\nRichard Burke: Well yeah, I'm sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.\nMonica Geller: Oh God... Why don't they put chairs back here?!\nRichard Burke: I know this is crazy but am I too late?\nMonica Geller: What the... Yes you're too late! Where was all this three years ago?!\nRichard Burke: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Y'know after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!\nMonica Geller: What were you doing in Africa?\nRichard Burke: Working with blind kids.\nMonica Geller: Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I... I'm sorry but umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen.\nRichard Burke: Okay that's fine, I'll walk away. And I'll never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandler's willing to give you everything I am.\nMonica Geller: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, I'm the one that's making him wait!\nRichard Burke: You are?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nRichard Burke: Why?\nMonica Geller: Why? Because of the government.\nRachel Green: Isn't it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin' married.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, they're gonna be so happy together.\nRachel Green: Ohh... I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Not that often!\nRachel Green: No! I'm so happy for them!\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too! So happy for them!\nRachel Green: I'm so happy and not at all jealous.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! No God, definitely not jealous!\nRachel Green: I mean I'm probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean what's 2%? That's nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Totally. I'm like 90/10.\nRachel Green: Yeah me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler?\nRachel Green: Wh-no, but y'know who did stop in here looking for ya, Tennille.\nMonica Geller: So that marriage stuff that you were saying yesterday, you don't really believe that do you?\nChandler Bing: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Let's take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs don't mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and that's just an ordinary pig not even a pig that's good at sports!\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but that's pigs not people!\nChandler Bing: If marriage worked, I'd be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married?\nChandler Bing: Well, never say never but y'know probably uh yeah, never.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?!\nChandler Bing: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why don't you put down your copy of 'The Rules' huh mantrap?!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what?! I gotta go! Ugh!\nChandler Bing: It's okay, I got a plan.\nRachel Green: We're gonna find love!\nPhoebe Buffay: Definitely!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that. That's what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little guarantee though.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: Well y'know, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither of them are married by the time they're 40, they marry each other.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean a backup?\nRachel Green: Exactly!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah I got that.\nRachel Green: You do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hm-mmm.\nRachel Green: Who?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey.\nRachel Green: Joey?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Are you serious?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I locked him years ago!\nRachel Green: Wh... So... If neither of you are married by the time you're 40, you're gonna marry Joey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.\nRachel Green: Oh, seriously?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, yeah. I think his exact words were...\nRachel Green: Charming.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well hey, it's just a backup.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica!\nMonica Geller: Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, it's great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, what's the matter?! Talk to the captain!\nMonica Geller: I'm just having one of those days where you realize you're in a dead-end relationship!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler giving you a hard time huh?\nMonica Geller: It's not like I want to get married tomorrow! It's just that I-I'd like to believe that I'm in a relationship that's actually going somewhere, that I'm not just wasting my time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you know Chandler.\nMonica Geller: No I don't know Chandler! Not anymore! It's like it's like something's changed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you changed?\nMonica Geller: I didn't change!\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe that's the problem.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.\nMonica Geller: Is that some kind of boat talk?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! I haven't totally decided how to talk on my boat yet.\nMonica Geller: What does he think? Does he think I'm just gonna wait around for nothing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!\nMonica Geller: Well there's some people who do want to marry me.\nJoey Tribbiani: There are?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Richard!\nJoey Tribbiani: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! And-and Chandler's tellin' ya how much he hates marriage?!\nMonica Geller: That's right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler loves marriage!!\nMonica Geller: You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that he's a-a complex fellow who's unlikely to take a wife! That-that he's against marriage and always will be!\nJoey Tribbiani: You got that from what I said?!\nNarrator: When the Cretaceous period ended, the dinosaurs were gone.\nRoss Geller: What happened you guys?\nRoss Geller: Rach!\nRachel Green: Hey you!\nRoss Geller: Hey, come on in.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you. Hey y'know, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Elizabeth.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought we'd be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.\nRachel Green: Yeah, love. It's a tricky business isn't it?\nRoss Geller: I guess so.\nRachel Green: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time we're 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and we've-we've already slept together so y'know there'll be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, \"What's that?!\"\nRoss Geller: Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup.\nRachel Green: Exactly.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, yeah I already have one.\nRachel Green: What? Who?\nRoss Geller: Phoebe.\nRachel Green: Phoebe?! Wait a-but-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, I don't think so.\nRachel Green: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!\nRoss Geller: That's impossible! I mean we have had a deal for years! We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where the hell have you been?!\nChandler Bing: I was making a coconut phone with the professor.\nJoey Tribbiani: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah, I've been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these damn boat shoes wouldn't keep flying off!\nChandler Bing: My-Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! They suck!!\nChandler Bing: He's not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! I'm supposed to do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know!\nChandler Bing: Well what... Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go over there; I'm gonna kick his ass! Will you help me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Chandler I don't think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!\nChandler Bing: You're right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Okay. I'm gonna get the ring! I'm gonna get the ring! I'm gonna go find her and I'm just going to propose!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude-dude-dude!\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nRichard Burke: Hi.\nMonica Geller: I don't know why I'm here.\nRichard Burke: I didn't ask. You wanna come in?\nMonica Geller: I don't know.\nRichard Burke: Oh, okay. Well, I'll just leave the door open and go sit on the couch.\nMonica Geller: Chandler is such an idiot!\nRichard Burke: Drink?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'll have a scotch...\nRichard Burke: ...on the rocks with a twist? I remember.\nMonica Geller: Still smoking cigars?\nRichard Burke: Uh, no! No! That's...art! If it bothers you I can put my art out.\nMonica Geller: No that's, that's okay.\nRichard Burke: So Monica let me ask you a question. Y'know, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?\nMonica Geller: Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.\nRichard Burke: Oh really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I don't like my new eye doctor.\nRichard Burke: Who is it?\nMonica Geller: Edward Nevski?\nRichard Burke: Yeah he's no good. Do you ever think about me in a non-eye doctor way?\nMonica Geller: No.\nRichard Burke: Ahh.\nMonica Geller: But getting over was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. And I never let myself think about you.\nRachel Green: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course I can! It's just good sense to backup your backup! Look, I've already lost Chandler!\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe! We're both your backup?!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, how could you do this to me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't-Look I don't know what you're complaining about now? You were both aware of the situation!\nJoey Tribbiani: No we weren't!\nRoss Geller: I was not!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when we're married!\nRachel Green: Phoebe you can't have both of them! You have to pick one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pick me!!\nRoss Geller: No! Pick me! I don't want to end up an old maid!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right well let's see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boat-This is hard!\nJoey Tribbiani: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!\nRoss Geller: Ooh, I wanna switch to Rachel too!\nPhoebe Buffay: No wait! Just-Okay-Just wait! You guys! Wait you guys! Don't make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married, three times a week.\nRachel Green: Oh God, Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm talking about massages.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what we're gonna do! I'm gonna write Joey on one napkin and I'm gonna right Ross on the other napkin and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay that's fair.\nRoss Geller: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good!\nRachel Green: Pick one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Left! Thank you.\nRachel Green: You're welcome.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross!\nRachel Green: Joey! We should just switch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah absolutely!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak!\nRichard Burke: Excuse me?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Him.\nRichard Burke: Oh. Whew!\nMonica Geller: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-up's apartment! Y'know, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!\nRichard Burke: Yeah! You're saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, let's face it, I'm not a kid anymore! I-I need to be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I don't want that!\nRichard Burke: I think that's fair.\nMonica Geller: Fair? Please don't even talk to me about fair! Fair would've been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair would've been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!\nRichard Burke: It's okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. Shhhh.\nMonica Geller: Nothing. I don't kn-Umm. I don't know. Umm...\nRichard Burke: I know.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, I-I... I have to figure...some st-Y'know, some stuff before I can...\nRichard Burke: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. I'll be here. Not smoking.\nRichard Burke: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Where is she? I'm not scared of you!\nRichard Burke: She's not here and please come in.\nChandler Bing: Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica!\nRichard Burke: Okay, she was here, but she left.\nChandler Bing: Well where did she go?\nRichard Burke: Well she said she had to think things over.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, I can't believe this! Y'know, I thought...I thought you were a good guy.\nRichard Burke: Oh, hey look nothing happened.\nChandler Bing: Nothing happened? Nothing? So you didn't tell my girlfriend that you love her?\nRichard Burke: Well all right, one thing happened?\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? I can't believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!!\nRichard Burke: Well I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: And what does she have to think about? I love her!\nRichard Burke: Well, apparently I'm willing to offer her things that you are not.\nChandler Bing: But I am willing to offer her all those things. This was just a plan, y'know? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these things, she'd be surprised!\nRichard Burke: Well if it helps, it worked very well.\nChandler Bing: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isn't fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! I was gonna propose tonight.\nRichard Burke: You were gonna propose?\nChandler Bing: Yeah I even got a ring. Did you get a ring?\nRichard Burke: No I don't have a ring! You go get her Chandler. And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, don't let her go. Trust me.\nChandler Bing: Y'know Richard...you are a good guy.\nRichard Burke: I know. I hate that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude!\nChandler Bing: I can't talk to you now, I gotta find Monica!\nJoey Tribbiani: She's gone.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: She's gone. She had a bag and she left.\nChandler Bing: What are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that and that she needed time to think.\nChandler Bing: Well why didn't you stop her?! Why didn't you just tell her it was a plan?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn't believe me.\nChandler Bing: Well where... Where did she go?\nJoey Tribbiani: To her parent's I think and she said you shouldn't call her. But if I were you I would.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe I ruined this.\nJoey Tribbiani: I am so sorry man.\nMonica Geller: You wanted it to be a surprise.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought... Wait a minute, I-I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nMonica Geller: I knew you were likely to take a wife!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here!\nMonica Geller: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!!!\nRachel Green: Ohhh, this is the least jealous I've ever been!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isn't here!\nMonica Geller: Oh...\nRachel Green: Oh hell, he's done this three times! He knows what its about!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey, what's going on?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: I found a note on my door, \"Come to Monica's quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah I'll take that.\nRoss Geller: What's up?\nChandler Bing: Monica and I are engaged.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. Congratulations.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Where is she?\nMonica Geller: I'm engaged!!!!!! I'm engaged!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, she's been out there for twenty minutes, I'm surprised you didn't hear her on the way over.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, \"I'm gay! I'm gay!\" Can I bring her in?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, let her stay out there. It's sweet.\nMonica Geller: I'm getting married!!!! I'm gonna be a bride!!!! No, I will not shut up because I'm engaged! Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don't you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!\nChandler Bing: Okay, you get her in here. You bolt the door. I'll be in the closet.\nMonica Geller: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! Okay, umm, I just wanna say that...I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit!\nChandler Bing: It's okay, I want this to be your night too. To Monica.\nMonica Geller: Awww, come on-wait-stop it. Okay, to Monica.\nChandler Bing: To Monica!\nPhoebe Buffay: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, y'know, I'm kinda musical.\nRachel Green: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt she's even had time to...\nPhoebe Buffay: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?\nRachel Green: Yeah, you're on your own.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.\nJoey Tribbiani: But I-I-I can't stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. What?\nChandler Bing: So when you said, \"Get up early,\" did you mean 1986?\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys don't think I look 19?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, 19! We thought you said 90!\nMonica Geller: Okay everybody, let's go! Let's go!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh honey no, you ate it all.\nJoey Tribbiani: I was afraid of that.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! You're not getting dressed.\nChandler Bing: Know what I mean?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but I don't think we have time.\nChandler Bing: There's gonna be a wedding. You're gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.\nMonica Geller: Let's do it!\nMonica Geller: Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it!\nChandler Bing: I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. \"First Time I Met Chandler, I Thought He Was Gay. But here I am singing on his wedding day!\"\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: If you would've let me finish, it goes on to say that he's probably not gay.\nChandler Bing: Sure, you guys don't have this problem, you're made of wood. Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: You look great!\nRachel Green: Oh, thanks.\nChandler Bing: You okay over there?\nRachel Green: I don't know, y'know? I feel a little umm... No, y'know what? Nevermind, I'm gonna be fine.\nChandler Bing: Oh, don't worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Wow! Happy Monica's night!\nRachel Green: Well thank you, you too.\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nRachel Green: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married?\nRoss Geller: Well sure. But I get married all the time so...\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nRoss Geller: You okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I guess. I-I... I mean, do-do you think we're ever gonna have that?\nRoss Geller: You mean, we-you and me?\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone.\nRoss Geller: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.\nRachel Green: Shake it off.\nRoss Geller: I mean-no, it's just 'cause, it's just 'cause you and I were like a nightmare. No, but there was some good times.\nRachel Green: No, absolutely. Y'know like it was umm...\nRoss Geller: Surely you can think of something good.\nRachel Green: Yeah, just give me a minute! Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?\nRachel Green: Uh-hmm, uh-hmm, yeah, yeah, I really liked your hands.\nRoss Geller: My hands?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: Way to go guys. Y'know, you-you were really good at the stuff too.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know. Hey, y'know what we never did? Oh no, not that. We uh, we never had bonus night!\nRoss Geller: A what?\nRachel Green: Y'know, bonus night. Y'know, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night.\nRoss Geller: One night, just-just sex. No strings attached?\nRachel Green: Yeah-yeah, we never had that,\nRoss Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, I'm-I'm sure it would be amazing but I...gotta say I really-really don't think it would be a good idea. Y'know? I really, really...don't.\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Sup? 'Sup dude?\nChandler Bing: Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack! Playstation is whack! 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!\nChandler Bing: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on man, really how old?!\nChandler Bing: Young! You're a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybody's ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow thanks!\nChandler Bing: Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Uhh, you've had a lot of sex right?\nJoey Tribbiani: When? Today? Some, not a lot.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's just the reason that I'm asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable to-I mean I really wanted too, but I couldn't... There huh-hmm, there-there was an incident.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry about that man, that happens.\nChandler Bing: It's happened to you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Once.\nChandler Bing: Well, what'd you do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I did it anyway.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! Come on! Let's go! Come on! Why aren't you dressed yet?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out.\nMonica Geller: No, Phoebe, I'll tell you what, if you get ready now I'll let you play it at the wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! Oh that's so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again I'll have to pound on you for a little bit.\nMonica Geller: Fair enough, now go get ready!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I'll get everybody else , finally we can start celebrating my- I'm sorry, uh apparently I've opened the door to the past.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Monica. Mon, uh what-what you just saw...\nMonica Geller: Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: See, I've been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people I'm only planning on doing this once. So, uh y'know, maybe this is selfish and I'm sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, but it is just about...\nRoss Geller: It is! It is!\nMonica Geller: No it's not! No! No! Now it's about you and Ross getting back together!\nRachel Green: What?!\nMonica Geller: See yeah umm, you kinda stole my thunder!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Ho-ho! We did not steal your thunder because we are not getting back together!\nRachel Green: Yeah. No. And you know what? Nobody even saw!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: That's true.\nRachel Green: Honey I swear it we just kissed.\nRoss Geller: It was just a kiss.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding?\nMonica Geller: Thunder being stolen!!\nRachel Green: Okay come on Phoebe, it's nothing! Monica, come on!\nRoss Geller: Look let's not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesn't even matter!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!\nChandler Bing: I don't think that's what they were talking about Joe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What a great night, Chandler can't do it, these guys kissed...\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys kissed! Oh my-this is huge!\nRachel Green: No!\nRoss Geller: Oh no!\nRachel Green: No-no, it's really not huge.\nRoss Geller: And; people thinking it's huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. Which we are not!\nMonica Geller: Well, we're still talking about it, aren't we?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well yeah, that and Chandler's problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.\nMonica Geller: Yes that would be lovely.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?!\nChandler Bing: Yes, you can pass for 19.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously?\nChandler Bing: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm 30!\nRachel Green: Joey, you are not! You're 31.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww crap!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, we'll get us some Mai Thai's, maybe no more for you though.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I-I think that umm, I don't feel like going to The Plaza.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?!\nRachel Green: Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look...\nMonica Geller: No-no, I-I really don't want to talk about it! I don't! Especially with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Psss, that is whack!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? Okay, I think I'll play it at the wedding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Well, I think we'll see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, \"You look 19,\" and then they just take it away like-like, \"No you don't.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I don't think Monica is gonna take this away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wouldn't she?\nPhoebe Buffay: Would she?\nJoey Tribbiani: Would she? You ate my candy bar!\nRoss Geller: Guess who?\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air...\nRachel Green: What do you think Monica mean when she said she didn't want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing.\nRoss Geller: Still thinking about it huh?\nRachel Green: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? Especially you!\nRoss Geller: Oh, who cares?\nRachel Green: I care!\nRoss Geller: And so do I.\nRachel Green: Y'know what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?\nRoss Geller: Okay. Sure.\nRachel Green: Am I going to let you watch me undress?\nRoss Geller: No!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe her, y'know it's just-it's so typical.\nChandler Bing: Now Monica, I know you're upset, but don't forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then there's going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.\nMonica Geller: Paris?\nChandler Bing: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la .\nMonica Geller: Keep talking.\nChandler Bing: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because it's romantic, but because I can!\nMonica Geller: I love you!\nMonica Geller: Bonjour, monsieur.\nChandler Bing: Okay, don't say anything, you might scare it away.\nChandler Bing: It's Paris, who knows we're here!\nMonica Geller: Hi Pheebs, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, I'm just gonna need a small deposit.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, just some good faith money to hold the date.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs, we're not giving you a deposit for our wedding!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I see.\nJoey Tribbiani: They break your heart, don't they?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, I don't really their permission.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! And if you wanna look 19, then you... You gotta do something about your eyes.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! What's wrong with my eyes.\nPhoebe Buffay: They give you away! There's just-there's just too much wisdom in there. Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.\nJoey Tribbiani: And that'll get rid of my wisdom?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe just 10 minutes for you.\nChandler Bing: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I don't care!\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nRachel Green: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didn't want to talk to anyone, especially me?\nChandler Bing: What a great apology! And you accept! Okay, bye-bye!\nRachel Green: No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about?\nMonica Geller: Well, let's just say it's not the first time you've stolen my thunder.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Hey, here's a thought.\nRachel Green: Monica, what are you talking about?\nMonica Geller: My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie.\nChandler Bing: Ahh, third base.\nMonica Geller: It's all everybody at the party could talk about!\nRachel Green: Monica, y'know what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring!\nMonica Geller: We had a characturist!\nRachel Green: Oh!!\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Whenever I get married, guess who won't get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!\"\nRachel Green: Monica, your Sweet Sixteen was like a million years ago.\nMonica Geller: And yet, here we are doing it again.\nRachel Green: Ugh, Monica I don't want to steal your stupid thunder!\nMonica Geller: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?!\nRoss Geller: Got me.\nRachel Green: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it ain't gonna happen!\nMonica Geller: I just thought it would be nice if I could have just this one night!\nRachel Green: I swear, I never wanted any part of your night!\nMonica Geller: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!\nRoss Geller: Uh, Rachel, I've been thinking. I don't think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. I'm calling it off.\nChandler Bing: Why to save your dignity my man.\nRachel Green: Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night?\nMonica Geller: I don't know! I don't-maybe you're feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought you'd get married first! Maybe you can't stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!\nRachel Green: Oh wow. That-y'know what? That is so unfair. Y'know what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, let's go have sex!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you're gonna have sex on my engagement night!!\nChandler Bing: Well, somebody should.\nRoss Geller: Look uh, if we're gonna do this...\nRachel Green: We're not gonna do this, all right? She's just gonna think that we're doin' it.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I see, so everybody wins.\nRachel Green: Who is it?\nMonica Geller: It's Monica, open up!\nRachel Green: Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute!\nRoss Geller: Oww!\nRachel Green: Yeah, you like that baby? May we help you?\nMonica Geller: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement I'm going to announce that I'm pregnant!\nChandler Bing: How is that ever going to happen?!\nRachel Green: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?!\nMonica Geller: I know why!\nRachel Green: No you don't know why!\nMonica Geller: Okay! Why?!\nRachel Green: Because! Because I was sad.\nMonica Geller: What do you mean?\nRachel Green: Look, I am so...so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. I'm not even close. And I don't know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that's dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I don't care, she slept with me.\nRachel Green: Anyway sweetie, I am, I'm so sorry I ruined your night.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross.\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm going to take off. Congratulations man.\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: And uh, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person who's going to enjoy these bad boys is me.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed. That's right, I'm here all night, and Chandler will never get l...\"\nChandler Bing: Hey! Here's a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh thank you.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now... \"Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer-Oh-oh! All right, I'll pound on him in the morning."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who wants French toast?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'll have some!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good, me too. Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Oww!\nChandler Bing: What's the matter honey?\nMonica Geller: I don't know, my hand feels weird. I guess it's because, I'm engaged! How long before it starts getting annoying?\nPhoebe Buffay: It starts?\nRachel Green: Yeah, so let's get started on the wedding plans!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Already?!\nRachel Green: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music...\nChandler Bing: Oh, I got some thoughts on that.\nRachel Green: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks...\nRoss Geller: Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: What in God's name is that?!\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, the wedding book?! I haven't seen that since the forth grade!\nMonica Geller: This baby has got everything. Take y'know, locations for instance. First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so smart! Break it off. Break it off now.\nRoss Geller: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now let's take a look at...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Ross!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: I need to talk to you, it's pretty urgent. It's about Monica and Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Of course, of course. Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each other's hometowns? Why don't you... Wh-what's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, y'know? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?\nRoss Geller: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing-Why?!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you said it was urgent!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah it is! I'm going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.\nRoss Geller: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies?\nMonica Geller: All right, so I haven't cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: All right umm, a string quartet for the procession.\nRachel Green: Aw.\nMonica Geller: A jazz trio for cocktails. The Bay City Rollers for dancing. Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding.\nChandler Bing: Well, you couldn't get them anyway. Ian doesn't plan anymore and Derrick... And Derrick is a name I shouldn't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? Y'know, something a little snugglyer?\nChandler Bing: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, the duck...\nRachel Green: What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up!\nChandler Bing: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding?\nMonica Geller: Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces?\nChandler Bing: Centerpieces!\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Roses or Lilies?\nChandler Bing: Definitely roses. Well, I just think they're a little more weddingy. But Lilies are the clear choice.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! It's like one mind.\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Guys! Guys!! You gotta let me nap! Ugh, I'm gonna get cranky!\nRachel Green: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm gonna go!\nRachel Green: Now Joey, what did the duck do?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! But he did not eat your face cream!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? What the hell is in that face cream? That's so soft. Pillowcases! Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar... The vicar? ...wouldn't be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his... Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book!\nRoss Geller: Uh, Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Ross, hi.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, what are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm with a client right now.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, let's talk outside.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you can't massage people in my apartment!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandler's!\nRoss Geller: And they knew about it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well Ross, what is this really about?\nRoss Geller: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just don't know what the big deal is!\nRoss Geller: The big deal is I don't want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzle-beer! Cold beer.\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, what 'cha doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sweepin'. Why? Turn you on?\nRachel Green: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney?\nRachel Green: Joey, did you my face cream?\nJoey Tribbiani: Where are you going? The vicar won't be home for hours.\nRachel Green: Joey, where did you learn that word?\nJoey Tribbiani: Where do you think, Zelda?\nRachel Green: You found my book?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah I did!\nRachel Green: Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, look I'm sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldn't have, but you got porn!\nRachel Green: Hey-hey, y'know what? I don't care! I'm not ashamed of my book. There's nothing with a woman enjoying a little...erotica. It's just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got porn!\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nWoman: Hi, is uh Phoebe here?\nRoss Geller: Uh no-no, she-she's out for the night.\nWoman: Ohh great.\nRoss Geller: Can I, can I help you with something?\nWoman: Well, I don't know. Are you a masseur?\nRoss Geller: Yes I am.\nWoman: Great! Dad! Thank you so much, I'll be back to pick him up in an hour.\nJudy Geller: So Chandler, you're parents must've been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, I should probably call them.\nJack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.\nMonica Geller: Oh dad, really you don't need to...\nJack Geller: Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.\nJudy Geller: You don't know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy!\nChandler Bing: What a sweet story.\nMonica Geller: Well, at least you're not hearing it for the first time at your fifth grade Halloween party.\nJack Geller: What?! They wanted a scary story!\nMonica Geller: Anyway, we're really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. What?\nJudy Geller: You tell her Jack, I can't do it.\nMonica Geller: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund don't you?\nJack Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house.\nMonica Geller: I don't believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!\nJudy Geller: We're sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 you'd pay for it yourself.\nMonica Geller: You bought the beach house when I was 23!\nJack Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you can't put a price on that sweetie.\nJudy Geller: We really do feel bad about this though.\nJack Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.\nMonica Geller: What about when I started dating Chandler?\nJudy Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didn't think he'd ever propose!\nChandler Bing: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?!\nJudy Geller: We might still have some money, if your father didn't think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.\nJack Geller: It seemed like such a simple idea.\nJudy Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.\nJack Geller: All right, enough! I don't want to hear about it anymore! Good luck, Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Now, I'm going to touch you. Ohh, that's soft.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay for it?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. She's saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to Dollywood.\nRachel Green: Well what happened at dinner?\nMonica Geller: My parents spent the money for our wedding!\nPhoebe Buffay: My God! What did you order?!\nRachel Green: Wait, but there's no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!\nChandler Bing: Honey, it's gonna be okay.\nMonica Geller: No! No it's not! It's not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing band! No lilies!\nRachel Green: No, y'know what? It's gonna be okay. I mean you don't have to have this rustic Italian feast. Y'know? And-and you don't need, you don't need this custom-made, empire waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack.\nChandler Bing: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that we're gonna get married.\nRachel Green: Do you even understand what off the rack means?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, why don't you just pay for it yourself?\nMonica Geller: How? I don't have any money.\nChandler Bing: Well, I have some.\nMonica Geller: How much?\nChandler Bing: Well, close to...\nMonica Geller: Whoa!!! Are you kidding me?!\nRachel Green: Well what?! How-how much is it?!\nMonica Geller: It's enough for wedding scenario eight.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Really?!\nMonica Geller: How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!\nRachel Green: Ohh, you guys are so made for each other.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?\nChandler Bing: Well, come on, I've been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Hello, Mr. Chandler.\nMonica Geller: This is the most special day of our lives.\nChandler Bing: No, I realize that honey, but I'm not gonna spend all of the money on one party.\nMonica Geller: Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, we're only gonna get married once.\nChandler Bing: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.\nMonica Geller: You-you're gonna have to put your foot down?\nChandler Bing: Yes, I am!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach.\nRachel Green: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, do you smell smoke?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh, I get it, smoke, chimney, chimney sweep, very funny, ha-ha.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no, I'm serious. You don't smell it? Something's on fire.\nRachel Green: Well no, I don't smell anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know what? It's probably just your burnin' loins.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about?\nRachel Green: Nothing!\nRoss Geller: Damn, this coffee's cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins?\nRachel Green: Y'know, I can not believe you told him, Joey!\nRoss Geller: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh, yeah I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with you.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! 'Sup?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross! How could you do that to an old man?!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me ladies. I'm sorry?\nPhoebe Buffay: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.\nRoss Geller: I gave him an extremely professional massage!\nPhoebe Buffay: He said you poked at him with wooden spoons.\nRoss Geller: Okay, so it wasn't uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him accu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he's never coming back! Okay? You just cost me eight dollars a week!\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know what? This is your fault! You're the one that didn't move his-his appointment.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's my fault?! You didn't have to massage him! You could've sent him away! You could've not rolled Tonka trucks up and down his back!\nRoss Geller: He said he liked that!! Oh you're right, you're right. I'm sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, what are you massaging an old man for?\nRoss Geller: His daughter was hot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Gotcha.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.\nChandler Bing: Ehh.\nMonica Geller: Eh, you work for that.\nChandler Bing: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.\nMonica Geller: You do?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that's what we're gonna do.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're so sweet. Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?\nChandler Bing: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.\nMonica Geller: You thought about that?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: How many kids were we gonna have?\nChandler Bing: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.\nMonica Geller: What else did you think about?\nChandler Bing: Well, stuff like where'd we live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on it's collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.\nChandler Bing: Sure you do.\nMonica Geller: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage.\nChandler Bing: You sure?\nMonica Geller: Uh-hmm.\nChandler Bing: I love you so much.\nMonica Geller: I love you. Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin' about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, totally!\nMonica Geller: Oh good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello, Zelda.\nRachel Green: Who are you supposed to be?\nJoey Tribbiani: The vicar!\nRachel Green: Do you even know what a vicar is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Like a goalie, right?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Look Joey, it's enough all right?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and it's-I'm not-it's just not funny anymore!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I'm sorry. Rach I-Rach I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn.\nRachel Green: All right! Y'know what? That's it! You wanna do it?! Let's do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh?\nRachel Green: That's right, I wanna do it with you! I've been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things.\nJoey Tribbiani: I-I-I-I did?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Ohh, I've been waitin' so long to get on that body!\nJoey Tribbiani: This body?\nRachel Green: Yeah that's right! Come on Joey; sex me up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, you're startin' to sound like the butcher's wife there in-in chapter seven.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on now, don't keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But, I would keep that helmet on because you're in for a rough ride!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to, I'm scared."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey, you guys!\nChandler Bing: So, what do you think?\nRoss Geller: About what?\nRachel Green: Yeah, what?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: Are you kidding? Okay, I'll give you a hint; I'll give you a hint.\nJoey Tribbiani: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandler's eyes!\nChandler Bing: I got glasses!\nRoss Geller: Well, you-you've always had glasses.\nChandler Bing: No I didn't!\nRoss Geller: Are you sure?\nRachel Green: Yeah-yeah, did-didn't you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm...\nJoey Tribbiani: Feminine.\nRachel Green: Yes!\nChandler Bing: No!\nMonica Geller: Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: You didn't think I used to wear glasses, right?\nMonica Geller: Of course!\nPhoebe Buffay: So what do you guys want for an engagement present?\nChandler Bing: That's okay Pheebs, we're not having a party or anything, so you don't have to get us...\nMonica Geller: If someone wants to give us a present, we don't want to deprive them of that joy.\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I already have one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I know I what I want!\nChandler Bing: What we want honey.\nMonica Geller: No, you don't want this. I want to have your grandmother's cookie recipe.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?\nMonica Geller: Uh-huh, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?\nChandler Bing: Dying people say the craziest things.\nMonica Geller: I wanted it for years! I was gonna make cookies for my children.\nPhoebe Buffay: Break my heart-Oh, all right.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I'm gonna be the mom that makes the world's best chocolate chip cookies.\nChandler Bing: Our kids are gonna be fat aren't they.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahoy!\nChandler Bing: Hey! How's the boat?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! I'm finally getting into this sailing stuff.\nMonica Geller: Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!\nPhoebe Buffay: If you don't sail your boat, what do you do on it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's great! It's a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's good that you finally have a place to do that.\nRachel Green: Y'know Joey, I could teach you to sail if you want.\nJoey Tribbiani: You could?\nRachel Green: Yeah! I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Your own boat?\nRachel Green: What?! What?! He was trying to cheer me up! My pony was sick.\nChandler Bing: Do you know what I was thinkin'?\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing, I just like to go like this.\nRoss Geller: Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?\nChandler Bing: Uh why, do you have a lecture?\nRoss Geller: No, why?\nChandler Bing: Then free as a bird. What's up?\nRoss Geller: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.\nMonica Geller: Wow! That's great! Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.\nRoss Geller: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.\nChandler Bing: Well, did-did you correct him?\nRoss Geller: No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way.\nMonica Geller: This is so cool, maybe this is something you can do every week.\nRoss Geller: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.\nMonica Geller: Oh, just so you know, you-you have to let him win.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: He hates to lose.\nChandler Bing: Oh no problem, maybe I'll play with my left hand.\nRoss Geller: You're not a lefty?\nChandler Bing: Does anybody know me?!\nMonica Geller: What's wrong Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!\nMonica Geller: No!! Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I'm normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.\nRoss Geller: Oh, we have to get you an engagement present?\nChandler Bing: Don't worry about it Pheebs.\nRoss Geller: No one got me an engagement present.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, here I wish you health and happiness.\nChandler Bing: An old cookie?\nMonica Geller: This is what happens when you don't register for gifts!\nPhoebe Buffay: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.\nChandler Bing: We can't accept this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?\nChandler Bing: 'Cause it's gross.\nMonica Geller: No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nMonica Geller: Yeah! I bet I can do it.\nChandler Bing: Okay, we owe you a present.\nRoss Geller: Two! I've been engaged twice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way jackass! Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?\nRachel Green: That is the Coast Guard.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are they doing out here? The coast's all the way over there.\nRachel Green: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? We're not finished with the lesson yet.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Rach, not again. I got it! Okay? Let's start sailing, and I want to go over there where that boatload of girls is! Yo-ho-ho!\nRachel Green: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, let's do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, what's this called?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, boat rope.\nRachel Green: Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, rub it?\nRachel Green: No. What do you do if I say we are coming about?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd say, come again. No-no, wait I-I-I know this one, I know this one, uh...\nRachel Green: Time's up, now your dead.\nJoey Tribbiani: And deaf!\nRachel Green: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nRachel Green: Don't just say yes! This isn't a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.\nMonica Geller: All right, I definitely taste nutmeg.\nPhoebe Buffay: You do?\nMonica Geller: You don't? Well, that's the difference between a professional and a layman.\nPhoebe Buffay: That and arrogance.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey! How was sailing?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to talk about it. Y'know, you could've at least saved me a whole cookie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Women are mean!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmother's legacy is this crumb. I wish you a long and happy marriage.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey! How was it?\nRoss Geller: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand...\nChandler Bing: I will tell the story! It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding. He even said I could call him dad.\nRoss Geller: And what did he ask you not to call him?\nChandler Bing: Daddy. All right look, here's the story. Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. So I take off my glasses and that's when in happened.\nChandler Bing: Guys?\nRoss Geller: Over here.\nJack Geller: Have a seat son. Hey!!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God Chandler! I can't believe it!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: You gave my father a lap dance!\nChandler Bing: Why do they put so much steam in there?!\nRoss Geller: 'Cause otherwise they'd have to call it the room room.\nChandler Bing: Why? Okay? Why? Wh-wh-why did that have to happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, it's not that big a deal!\nChandler Bing: Not that big a deal? There...there was touching of things.\nRoss Geller: Now, I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you really have to bond to that part?\nMonica Geller: Listen, I'm sure that dad doesn't care. He probably thought this was funny; he'll be telling this story for years!\nChandler Bing: I don't want him to tell this story for years.\nRoss Geller: Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.\nMonica Geller: I wasn't escaping.\nRoss Geller: Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire?\nMonica Geller: I was trying to help out a squirrel.\nRoss Geller: You were trying to eat it!\nChandler Bing: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!\nMonica Geller: Come on. Hello? I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Okay, I'll call you later dad. I love you.\nChandler Bing: All right, I'm off to see your dad.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-whoa, aren't you a little over dressed?\nRachel Green: Yeah, and-and you better make sure he tips you this time.\nChandler Bing: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to face-And by face I don't mean his lap. And by face, I don't mean my ass.\nRoss Geller: Hey are you getting Monica and Chandler an engagement present?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Y'know, they didn't get us anything.\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Well hello! So, when are we gettin' back out on the water matey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, I don't know the boat way to say this, but uh never!\nRachel Green: Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because! You're mean on the boat!\nRachel Green: What? I was just trying to teach you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, lesson learned! Rachel is mean!\nRoss Geller: Yeeeeeep... Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dad's boat she wouldn't let me help at all.\nRachel Green: Excuse me, I wanted you to help, but you couldn't move your arms because you were wearing three life jackets.\nRoss Geller: You have to respect the sea!\nRachel Green: Look Joey, I'm sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.\nJoey Tribbiani: Does a good teacher say, \"Put down the beer pinhead!?\"\nRachel Green: Well, does a good student drink seven beers during his first lesson?\nJoey Tribbiani: Six and a half! You knocked that last one out of my hand! Remember?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I didn't want you to get hit by the boom!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well it hit me anyway! And it would've hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.\nRachel Green: All right, y'know what? I-I'm sorry. I will try to tone it down and uh stop yelling.\nJoey Tribbiani: You won't boss me around anymore?\nRachel Green: I won't boss you around.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you'll be nice?\nRachel Green: And, I'll be nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you'll be topless?\nRachel Green: And-Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you want me to learn?!\nMonica Geller: Okay, here's batch 22. Ohh, maybe these'll taste a little like your grandmother's. This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg.\nRoss Geller: Let's give it a shot.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, what was that for? Like a bake sale?\nMonica Geller: No, just a Friday night.\nRoss Geller: Ohh, these are pretty good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but not as good as batch 17.\nRoss Geller: Which one was that?\nMonica Geller: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah! Batch 17 was good. I did not like batch 16. I'm okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are there anymore from the good batch? 'Cause we could just work off of those.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh... It's batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way!\nRachel Green: Okay Joey honey, you're doing really good! All right, now I'm just gonna need you to step to the port side. Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh yeah.\nRachel Green: Right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nRachel Green: It's left sweetie, but that's okay sweetie, that's a tough one.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know why you just don't say left.\nRachel Green: Okay, go to the left. The left!\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh?\nRachel Green: Just sit over there!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! Okay, you're yelling again! See that?\nRachel Green: No! No-no, no-no-no, very quiet, said with love, no yelling.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know what? Since I'm here, I think I'm gonna have me a little beer on the port side.\nRachel Green: Okay Joey, we're luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, wow, you just said a bunch of stuff I didn't know there.\nRachel Green: Joey, come on! We just went over this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!\nRachel Green: No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right that's it! You're yelling and I don't see you taking your top off! I quit!\nRachel Green: What do you mean you quit?! You can't quit!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?!\nRachel Green: Because you're not finished yet and I won't have it! Greens do not quit!\nJoey Tribbiani: Greens? I'm a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, wait did I-I just said Greens don't quit didn't I? Did I just say Greens don't quit?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes! You did and you're still yelling at me!\nRachel Green: No! No! No! I'm not yelling at you, I'm just yelling near you. Oh God Joey, ohh I'm my father. Oh my God, this is horrible! I've been trying so hard not to be my mother I did not see this comin'. Oh, Joey, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to learn.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, hey I did learn.\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Come on.\nRachel Green: Awww...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's okay. I know what a mainsail is. I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.\nRachel Green: Left.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I bet she's l-l-lookin' up at us and smiling right now.\nRoss Geller: Looking up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah-No, she was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.\nMonica Geller: Well, I've tried everything. I give up. I guess I'm not gonna be the mom who makes the world's best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.\nRoss Geller: Aww, Pheeb, come on isn't there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And that's not happening 'til October 15th, 2032.\nRoss Geller: That's the day you're gonna die? See-darnit, I've got shuffleboard that day.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's what you think.\nMonica Geller: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, y'know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.\nMonica Geller: What was her name?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nesele Toulouse.\nMonica Geller: Nestle Tollhouse?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, is this the recipe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!! Ohh.\nMonica Geller: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why you're burning in hell!!\nChandler Bing: So you understand, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you didn't tell people what happened. Y'know, I'm a little...I'm a little embarrassed about it.\nJack Geller: I understand completely, there's nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws. As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy I was unemployed, and her father asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a lawyer.\nChandler Bing: What did you do when they found out?\nJack Geller: They never did, so if ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we?\nChandler Bing: So I guess we wear swimsuits in here!\nRachel Green: Well Joey, I hate to admit it, your way of sailing is a lot more fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. Hey, why don't you give a pull on that rope?\nRachel Green: Ohh we're not sailing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Just pull on it.\nRachel Green: All right. Hey-hey-hey!! Sandwiches!\nJoey Tribbiani: What else?\nRachel Green: Here you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Oh wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Ohh, sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: What you-don't hold it like that! You're lettin' all the good stuff fall out.\nRachel Green: Ohh whoops.\nJoey Tribbiani: Careful! You're wasting good pastrami! Oh my God! I'm my dad!"}
{"text": "Mac: Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix.\nC.H.E.E.S.E.: You can say that again Mac.\nMac: Well, I couldn't have done it without you buddy. You're a genius.\nC.H.E.E.S.E.: Oh yeah? Well then how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?\nJoey Tribbiani: So, what did you guys think?\nMonica Geller: Hello? Hold on please. Joey, it's your mom.\nChandler Bing: It's your mommy. It's your mommy.\nRoss Geller: Ohhhh...\nRachel Green: That's nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mom, so what did you think?\nRachel Green: Well that was umm...Okay.\nRoss Geller: It wasn't the best.\nChandler Bing: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.\nMonica Geller: Wh-what are we gonna tell him?\nRoss Geller: Well, the lighting was okay.\nRachel Green: Ohh no you don't! You got lighting last time, lighting is mine!\nMonica Geller: And I have costumes.\nRoss Geller: Oh great! That means I'm stuck with, \"So, we were watching you in there and you were sittin' right here! Whoa!\"\nRachel Green: What are you gonna do Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh no I-no! I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him.\nChandler Bing: And say nothing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, yeah that's right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? It wasn't that good.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you?\nPhoebe Buffay: What? You mean behind my back?\nRachel Green: Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! You'll never gonna believe happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and...\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me!\nRachel Green: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go.\nRachel Green: Okay, so anyway I'm sittin' in my office and guess who walks in.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna be on two TV shows!\nRachel Green: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you weren't finished?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. It was Ralph Lauren! Ralph Lauren walked into my office!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine.\nRachel Green: It's the same story.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, it's really long.\nRachel Green: Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.\nMonica Geller: Still get a discount on wedding dresses?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I'm so happy for you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, these really are the days of our lives.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God!\nRachel Green: I got-I get a big pay raise!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll be playing Drake Remoray's twin brother, Stryker!\nMonica Geller: Oooh!\nRachel Green: I get to hire my own assistant!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well-I got a head rush from standing up to fast right there.\nRachel Green: And you were at this job for four years?\nHilda: That's right.\nRachel Green: Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay?\nHilda: What?\nRachel Green: I've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing.\nHilda: No dear. It's not.\nRachel Green: No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in it was nice to meet you.\nHilda: Thank you! Good meeting you.\nRachel Green: All right. I'm a total pro!\nMan: Hello?\nRachel Green: Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh I'm sorry the models are actually down the hall.\nMan: Actually, I'm here about the assistant job.\nRachel Green: Really?! Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so what's-what is-what's your name?\nMan: Tag Jones.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh, go on.\nTag Jones: That's it. That's my whole name.\nRachel Green: That's your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well let's-let's just have a look-see here.\nTag Jones: I know I haven't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but uh...\nRachel Green: Oh come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's, come on!\nTag Jones: It's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn...\nRachel Green: Okay, hold on just a second. I'm sorry, it's for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no. Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye.\nMonica Geller: Hey sweetie.\nChandler Bing: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering?\nMonica Geller: I can't tell you. It's a secret.\nChandler Bing: Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another.\nMonica Geller: Awww. But still no.\nChandler Bing: No I'm serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.\nMonica Geller: Really? Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland?\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no, I can't do that.\nMonica Geller: If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. He threw up?\nChandler Bing: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. So what was Phoebe's secret?\nMonica Geller: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired.\nChandler Bing: That's it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that?\nMonica Geller: That's right! You lose sucker!! Please still marry me.\nRachel Green: Chandler, you have an assistant right?\nChandler Bing: Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick!\nRachel Green: No, I-I just don't know how you decide who to hire. I mean I've got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there's this guy...\nChandler Bing: What about him?\nRachel Green: I love him. He's so pretty I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're cute, you hire them because they're qualified.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh. No, I hear what you're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? Look how pretty!\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's see. Oh my God! Oh... But no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, because that-it's not professional. Umm, this is for me yes? Thanks.\nRachel Green: Okay you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda!\nChandler Bing: Let me see this guy. W-H-Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And don't tell her about the W-H-Wow!\nTerry: Hey-hey-hey Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Terry!\nTerry: Good to see you again!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller then they used to.\nTerry: It's a different building.\nJoey Tribbiani: So! Stryker Remoray huh? When do you want me to start?\nTerry: Why don't we start right now!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nTerry: Here are the audition scenes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part.\nTerry: Why would you think that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was Dr. Drake Remoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right?\nTerry: Everybody has to audition.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, with a robot.\nTerry: I'm sorry Joey that's...that's the way it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well. I guess you think you're pretty special huh? Sittin' up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin' stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well y'know what? This is one star who's hoop... This is a star that the hoop-this hoop-I was Dr. Drake Remoray!\nRachel Green: Hi! Tag. What are you doing here?\nTag Jones: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first... There is a plant in your office.\nRachel Green: Kinda.\nTag Jones: Right. So I guess I shouldn't put good at noticing stuff on my resume.\nRachel Green: Oh-ohh, thank you.\nTag Jones: Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody.\nRachel Green: Well...\nTag Jones: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me.\nRachel Green: But I hired you!\nTag Jones: What?\nRachel Green: Yeah! You-you got the job! You're my new assistant!\nTag Jones: I am?!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nTag Jones: I can't believe it!\nRachel Green: Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Good, you're home!\nChandler Bing: Oh it's always nicer to here than, \"Aw crap! You again!\"\nMonica Geller: Hey baby.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: I made you a surprise.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story I've had such a craving for them.\nChandler Bing: Did you not understand the story?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! What's up?\nMonica Geller: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Oh, nothin' much. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for dinner.\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nRoss Geller: Hey-Ooh! What's-what's that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?\nChandler Bing: No! Shhh!\nRoss Geller: What you got over there? Tacos?\nMonica Geller: No! No. They're umm... They're just uh...ground beef smileys.\nRoss Geller: Uhh, those are tacos.\nMonica Geller: Excuse me Mr. Mexico.\nRoss Geller: Eh, either way I'll pass. I still can't eat those. What's so funny?!\nMonica Geller: I'm not laughing.\nRoss Geller: You told her!\nChandler Bing: Nancy Thompson's getting fired!\nRoss Geller: Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! It's not like I choose to do it! It's not like-It's not like I said, \"Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!\"\nMonica Geller: You're right. I mean I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you!\nRoss Geller: How could you tell her?!\nChandler Bing: I had too okay?! We're getting married! Married couples can't keep secrets from one another!\nRoss Geller: Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.\nChandler Bing: Du-ude!\nMonica Geller: What happened in Atlantic City?!\nRoss Geller: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...\nChandler Bing: Did you not hear me say, \"Du-ude?!\"\nRoss Geller: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with...girls.\nMonica Geller: You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God.\nChandler Bing: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.\nRoss Geller: Oh Mon, I laughed so hard...\nChandler Bing: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again?\nRoss Geller: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey-Ooh, how's Hilda? Is she working out?\nRachel Green: Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Was she happy you gave her the job?\nRachel Green: Oh, my-my new assistant has very happy that I hired my new assistant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello? Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? It's the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script. Canceled?! Like they're taking it off the air? Ohh. All right, see you Monday. We're not even shootin' them anymore?!! All right, bye! They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sorry.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?!\nChandler Bing: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!\nRoss Geller: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won!\nChandler Bing: Ross came in forth and cried!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too!\nMonica Geller: I-I already told him everything! You shush!!\nRoss Geller: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made.\nMonica Geller: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!\nRoss Geller: Monica couldn't tell time 'til she was 13!\nMonica Geller: It's hard for some people!\nChandler Bing: Of course it is. Wow-whoa!\nMonica Geller: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work!\nChandler Bing: Hey!!!\nMonica Geller: Ohh, I'm sorry I couldn't think of anymore for Ross!\nRoss Geller: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!\nChandler Bing: That was you!\nRoss Geller: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin'!\nRachel Green: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there.\nPhoebe Buffay: What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go.\nRachel Green: Joey, why would you do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because they wanted me to audition!\nPhoebe Buffay: You! An actor?! That's madness!\nTag Jones: Rachel Green's office.\nRachel Green: Tag? Hi, who was that?\nTag Jones: Nobody. I was just practicing.\nRachel Green: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nTag Jones: Hi! Rachel Green's office.\nPhoebe Buffay: You must be Hilda.\nRachel Green: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second?\nTag Jones: Phoebe! That's a great name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.\nRachel Green: Okay. We'll be right back.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you hired yourself a little treat did ya?\nRachel Green: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but I'm telling you...\nPhoebe Buffay: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.\nRachel Green: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done. But I'm telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. Yes?\nKathy: Hey Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nKathy: Cute assistant! What's his story? Is he...\nRachel Green: Gay? Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Terry.\nTerry: Joey Tribbiani! I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! I gotta go Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait! Terry! Wait-Look-Wait I-I... Look, I'm really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking I'm too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance.\nTerry: I can't help you Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake.\nNurse #1: This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless.\nNurse #2: It's not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Remoray's a miracle worker. Look, here he comes.\nDr. Stryker Remoray: Good morning. Drake, it's your brother Stryker. Can you hear me?\nThe Director: And cut!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm back baby! Ha-ha-ha!\nMonica Geller: Y'know, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.\nRoss Geller: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!\nChandler Bing: You have no trouble telling time now right?\nMonica Geller: No!\nChandler Bing: Quick! What time is it?!\nMonica Geller: I don't know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! What are you laughing at Pampers?\nChandler Bing: Y'know when I said that because we're getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets?\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Yeah that was stupid. Let's not do that.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, absolutely.\nRoss Geller: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, definitely!\nRoss Geller: Okay, if you'll excuse me, I-I'm gonna go hang out with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story.\nMonica Geller: Then, I'd steer clear of Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Man!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with...all the guys in my office.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nTag Jones: Do you have a minute?\nRachel Green: Well yeah, sure, what's up?\nTag Jones: I got asked out twice today when I was at lunch...by guys.\nRachel Green: Oh really?!\nTag Jones: Yeah. Did you tell someone that I was gay?\nRachel Green: Oh, did you not want people to know that?\nTag Jones: But I'm not gay. And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay.\nRachel Green: Why's that?\nTag Jones: I don't think I should say.\nRachel Green: Ohh, you can say. Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things.\nTag Jones: Okay.\nRachel Green: 'Kay.\nTag Jones: Well...\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nTag Jones: I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe.\nRachel Green: Yeah, she's gay."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nChandler Bing: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Willie's still alive!\nChandler Bing: What are you guys doing?\nMonica Geller: Oh, my mom called, they're gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so we're looking for a good picture of us.\nChandler Bing: Oooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.\nMonica Geller: That's not true, there are great pictures of us!\nChandler Bing: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going like this...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! That's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.\nChandler Bing: I don't know what it is, I just can't take a good picture.\nMonica Geller: Oh, here's a great one.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm not in that.\nMonica Geller: I know, but look at me all tan.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, why don't you guys go, get portraits done by a professional photographer.\nMonica Geller: That's a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Y'know...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's great! Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.\nMonica Geller: Chandler what do you say?\nChandler Bing: All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going. I'm going.\nRoss Geller: Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh...\nChandler Bing: How about those three pointers?\nRoss Geller: Amazing!\nChandler Bing: And those guys were this close to lettin' us play this time too.\nRachel Green: Hey look-look, Phoebe's talking to uh, Cute Coffeehouse Guy.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out!\nRachel Green: Hey, I thought that guy was married.\nPhoebe Buffay: He is! But he's getting divorced-Ross! Maybe you know him.\nRoss Geller: It's not a club.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, if this guy's going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?\nRoss Geller: Hey, divorced men are not bad men!\nChandler Bing: They have that on the napkins at the club.\nRachel Green: Oh, I gotta get back to work.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have to be back for a half-hour!\nRachel Green: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.\nChandler Bing: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean y'know you can't date him right?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.\nRoss Geller: Soon he'll be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.\nRachel Green: I am not gonna get fired, because I'm not gonna act on it.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you wouldn't mind if he was dating someone else?\nRachel Green: Why? Is he? He is! Isn't he? He's dating that slut in marketing!\nRoss Geller: Maybe I should open a divorced men's club.\nChandler Bing: Dude that is so sad.\nRoss Geller: I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back.\nChandler Bing: Could I play?\nRachel Green: Oh, no sit-ups today Tag?\nTag Jones: I just did them.\nRachel Green: Oh, well drop and give me ten more!\nTag Jones: What?\nRachel Green: Uh, I-I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in?\nTag Jones: Yeah, I filled them out last night?\nRachel Green: Oh, great could you make me four copies of those?\nMelissa Warburton: Hey Rachel!\nRachel Green: Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, what's up? I'm just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Y'know, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. What's up?\nMelissa Warburton: Umm, is Tag here?\nRachel Green: No. Why?\nMelissa Warburton: Oh, I was gonna talk to him about doing something tonight.\nRachel Green: Really?! Got a little crush on Tag there do ya?\nMelissa Warburton: Well, we've been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that.\nRachel Green: Okay, whoa-whoa easy there Melissa! This ain't a locker room, okay? But, y'know I remember him saying that-that he had plans tonight.\nMelissa Warburton: Oh no!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. All right, back to work.\nMelissa Warburton: Hey! Isn't that Tag's backpack.\nRachel Green: Yeah Melissa, I don't want to be known as the uh, office bitch, but I will call your supervisor.\nThe Photographer: Great! That's great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nThe Photographer: I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?\nChandler Bing: No, I am.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.\nChandler Bing: I do?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! All right, maybe you don't have to smile. Let's try something else. Let's try umm, try looking sexy.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Or not.\nRachel Green: Hi Joey! What are you doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, well I've got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. You got an extra one?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure. Umm...here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great. You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I don't think so Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I guess this will be fine.\nRachel Green: Hey, listen umm, what-what are you doing tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing, why?\nRachel Green: How would you feel about taking out my assistant Tag? I'll pay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh, Rach I got to say it's gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.\nRachel Green: I'm not asking you to go on a date with him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? 'Cause I could kinda use the money.\nRachel Green: Joey, just-just he-he's new in town and I know he doesn't have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. I'll really appreciate it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, okay.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, no problem. Ooh-Hey, donuts!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I know. Let's try a look...of far off...wonderment. Okay, we'll-we'll gaze into our future and we'll think about our marriage and the days to come. Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say \"Geller and Bing to be married,\" not \"Local woman saves drowning moron!\" Hey! Don't laugh at him! He's my drowning moron!\nChandler Bing: Aww!\nMonica Geller: That's it! Take it! Take it! Take it!\nRoss Geller: I like this one. It seems to say, \"I love you and that's why I have to kill you.\"\nMonica Geller: They can't all be bad. Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?\nMonica Geller: Do you really want to pull at that thread?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm having a really good time!\nThe Cute Guy: Me too! I'm sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. No that's okay, he's a friend.\nThe Cute Guy: Hey uh, I don't mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I... Well y'know I-I mean I missed the-the semi-finals, so I'd just be lost.\nThe Cute Guy: I know it's really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss and-Oh no! No! No! My God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't freak out. I'll go.\nThe Cute Guy: No it's... Uh, my ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her right now. That woman is crazy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I know. Hold on. Hey Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, umm that's Whitney , Kyle's ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can y'know divert her so that we can slip out?\nRoss Geller: What?! No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals.\nRoss Geller: Look, I don't think so Pheebs. All right, I'll do it. But just because you're a friend.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Ginger.\nRoss Geller: All right! I want my key back!\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't have it!\nRoss Geller: It's right there!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, okay Sherlock!\nRoss Geller: Look, I'm sorry but you-you-you better go Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyle's ex.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah-No-You're welcome. We'll talk about it later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Hi Whitney.\nWhitney: Hi Ross! You ready for breakfast?\nRoss Geller: Yep. Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Kyle's ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!\nRoss Geller: Hi! I'm sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.\nWhitney: Sure.\nRoss Geller: Okay. I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Watching ballroom dancing?\nRoss Geller: Yes! That's where we realized we were both super cool people!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.\nRoss Geller: Like what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Like she's really mean, and she's over critical, and-and-No! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: And! She uses sex as a weapon!\nRoss Geller: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast I'll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're still gonna go out with her?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, didn't you just hear what I said?!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husband's gonna say that stuff. Now, if you'll excuse me...\nPhoebe Buffay: No listen to me! She is crazy!\nWhitney: Uh, your door isn't sound proof.\nPhoebe Buffay: You see? Nothing is good enough for her!\nTag Jones: Good morning.\nRachel Green: Hi Tag! Hey, so did you have fun with uh, with Joey last night?\nTag Jones: Oh yeah! We went to the Knicks game.\nRachel Green: Ohh that's nice.\nTag Jones: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!\nRachel Green: Wo-women? You mean like old women?\nTag Jones: Well kinda old, like 30.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nTag Jones: And I never used to be able to just talk to girls in bars, but I got like 20 phone numbers last night.\nRachel Green: That's great! Wow man, so Joey must've really taught you some stuff huh?\nTag Jones: A little.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nTag Jones: How you doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: See? That's a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. You're changing it!\nChandler Bing: I can't help it!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right, all right, all right, you wanna know what I do when I take resume shots?\nChandler Bing: Borrow money from me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, first-first of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down , look down, keep looking down; then I look up. See? All right, now you try. Look down , you're looking down, keep looking down...\nChandler Bing: Why is there jelly on your shoe?\nJoey Tribbiani: I had a donut.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRachel Green: So uh, heard you had some fun with Tag last night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! That guy's all right!\nRachel Green: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: Y'know, all the women.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey well, you can't teach someone to be good with women. Y'know, that's why I never had any luck with Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I'm right here!\nRachel Green: All right, would-would you mind just not going out with him again? Okay, just the idea of you and he and all these women, it's just-And I know he's my assistant and I can't date him-but it just bothers me, all right?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! No-no-no-no, you can't take him away from me! I got a great partner to pick up girls with! Finally!!\nChandler Bing: I'm still right here!\nRachel Green: All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRachel Green: I just don't want him to meet anybody until I am over my crush-And I will get over it. It's-it's not like I love him, it's just physical! But-I mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, Monica told me.\nChandler Bing: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Sure.\nChandler Bing: Can you people not see me?!\nRachel Green: So, will you talk to him?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! I'll give you ten free Ralph Lauren shirts.\nJoey Tribbiani: One! No ten! You said ten! You can't take that back!\nTag Jones: Hey Joey, you wanted to talk to me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. You uh, you got something for me?\nTag Jones: Oh, yeah, this is from Rachel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ten. Okay. Now Tag there's such a thing as to many women.\nTag Jones: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, for you!\nMonica Geller: Hey! There you are!\nChandler Bing: There I am!\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, what were you thinking?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, but don't worry, don't worry, because I know how to take a picture now. Okay, see? Look down , look down, look down...\nMonica Geller: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, how are things going with crazy? Has she cooked your rabbit yet?\nRoss Geller: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okay-and F.Y.I she must've shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, \"I don't give a tiny rat's ass.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, maybe she should've spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.\nRoss Geller: Well, I don't think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe that's just because I am not emotionally unavailable!\nPhoebe Buffay: You think he's emotionally unavailable?\nRoss Geller: I think he can be.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe he wouldn't be she didn't bring the office home every night!\nRoss Geller: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Year's Eve 1997.\nRoss Geller: I knew you were gonna throw that in my face!! That was three years ago! She apologized and she apologized! What more do you want?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: We want the last six years back!!\nRoss Geller: So do we!! So do we!! I'm sorry you had to see that.\nTag Jones: Good morning Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi! Thanks, hey so uh what'd you do last night?\nTag Jones: Went out with Joey.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas?\nTag Jones: No. We had a really good talk. I don't think I'm gonna do that bar scene anymore.\nRachel Green: Wow! I did not see that coming.\nTag Jones: It's just not really who I am. Y'know, I've always been happier when...Why am I telling you this? You don't care about this stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh no, yes I do! I do! I mean, come on go on, you were, you were saying I am happier when uh, y'know?\nTag Jones: When I'm in a relationship, I love having a girlfriend.\nRachel Green: Really?\nTag Jones: Someone I can spoil, y'know?\nRachel Green: Sp-spoil?\nTag Jones: Uh-huh! Let me ask you something?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nTag Jones: Do you believe that there is one perfect person for everyone?\nRachel Green: Well, I-I'm startin' too.\nTag Jones: And if that person is already in your life, you should do something about it right?\nRachel Green: Yes! Hell yes!\nTag Jones: All right then, it's settled.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nTag Jones: I'm gettin' back together with my ex-girlfriend.\nRachel Green: I'd love to!\nTag Jones: What?\nRachel Green: Hello?! Oh, yeah! This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. Yeah!\nRoss Geller: My God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, how's Whitney?\nRoss Geller: Well maybe she wouldn't have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh he knows! For the most part.\nKyle: Oh hey! Good, you're both here.\nWhitney: We kinda need to talk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Both of you together?\nRoss Geller: Wh-what's up?\nWhitney: Well, I went over to Kyle's last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing...\nKyle: ...we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So...\nRoss Geller: Oh just say it Kyle!\nKyle: We're gonna give it another try.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about her whining and her constant need for attention?!\nWhitney: I'm gonna work on that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, because you're so capable of change.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, he hums when he pees!\nWhitney: I do know.\nRoss Geller: It makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.\nWhitney: We're so sorry.\nRoss Geller: That's all right, we-we don't need you. In fact, hey I'm over it already.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and y'know what? I don't give a tiny rat's ass.\nKyle: Yeah, we're gonna go.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Y'know, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Y'know, he hums while he does other stuff to.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, were better off without them.\nPhoebe Buffay: And y'know, even if they break up again, you'd better not let him in your sad men's club!\nRoss Geller: Divorced men's club.\nPhoebe Buffay: Potato, Potaato.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys check it out! My mom sent me the paper!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, let's see it!\nChandler Bing: Ahhh.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, that looks good.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys make a very attractive couple.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, we look great together.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we really do!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Wow! Imagine what our kids would look like!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, we don't have to imagine.\nChandler Bing: I'm marrying her.\nJoey Tribbiani: We'll just see."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! This is it! I really hope it's you!\nPhoebe Buffay: I hope it's you.\nRachel Green: Me too!\nMonica Geller: First of all um, I love you both so much and you're both so important to me...\nRachel Green: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!\nMonica Geller: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!!! Oh!!\nRachel Green: Hypothetically!\nPhoebe Buffay: Still.\nMonica Geller: If Phoebe were my maid of honor...\nRachel Green: Uh-hmm.\nMonica Geller: Rachel would be Phoebe's, I would be Rachel's, that way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset.\nRachel Green: Yeah that's actually a pretty good idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'll do that. So who gets to be yours?\nMonica Geller: Well that's the best part. Umm, you guys get to decide!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wh-why is that the best part?\nMonica Geller: Because then I don't have to!\nRachel Green: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing , my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that...\nMonica Geller: I'm really not deciding!\nRachel Green: Fine!\nWoman: Excuse me, I-I couldn't help overhearing, you're marrying Chandler Bing?\nMonica Geller: Yeah that's right.\nWoman: Huh, good luck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Aww, and good luck to you too! What a nice lady!\nChandler Bing: Die Hard still great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?\nChandler Bing: What'd you rent?\nJoey Tribbiani: Die Hard 2.\nChandler Bing: Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!\nRoss Geller: Joey, we just saw it!\nJoey Tribbiani: And?\nRoss Geller: And it'll be cool to see it again! Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I just got uh, got plans.\nRoss Geller: Well, John McLane had plans!\nChandler Bing: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? Bitch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, when I get married will you be my maid of honor?\nRachel Green: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nRachel Green: Oh my God Phoebe! I mean I'm just-Wait a minute. If I'm your maid of honor that means you are Monica's.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Well, if that's what you want...\nRachel Green: Ohh! No way Phoebe! I want to be Monica's!\nPhoebe Buffay: But why does it even matter?!\nRachel Green: Why does it matter so much to you?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because this one is now! And-and it's two of our best friends! Who knows what you're gonna marry!\nRachel Green: What-what if I marry Ross-Or Joey?\nPhoebe Buffay: You wouldn't! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-I've never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know you've done it at least twice!\nRachel Green: Yeah but Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. Oh I guess that was it.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. It's-since you've never done it before you can be Monica's made of honor.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you so much! Okay.\nRachel Green: I'm gonna marry someone good y'know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I know.\nRachel Green: Better than Chandler.\nRoss Geller: What happened?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I don't know!!\nRoss Geller: We fell asleep! That is all.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, I'd better go.\nRoss Geller: I think that would be best.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. All right, I'll talk to you later.\nRoss Geller: Okay. But not about this!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Never! Never! Bye.\nRoss Geller: No touch! No touch!\nMonica Geller: Yeah hey, a weird thing happened today whey I was at brunch. This woman overheard that I was marrying you and-and then she...she wished me good luck.\nChandler Bing: That's sweet.\nMonica Geller: No, it's more like a good luck.\nChandler Bing: So uh, what did this woman look like?\nMonica Geller: She was like 30, dark hair, attractive.\nChandler Bing: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?\nMonica Geller: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?\nChandler Bing: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive... Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Well, let's see... Okay uh, is that her?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God yes! Who is she?\nChandler Bing: Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend.\nMonica Geller: Did you break up with her?\nChandler Bing: No, we're still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.\nMonica Geller: Why?\nChandler Bing: Well, 'cause she came back the third summer and she'd gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow...\nMonica Geller: Fat?!\nChandler Bing: I did not say fat! I said, \"Fa-aa-aw-ow...\"\nMonica Geller: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?\nMonica Geller: Well, apparently she does.\nChandler Bing: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. Seriously, good luck marrying me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! What's going on?\nRachel Green: Phoebe is gonna be Monica's maid of honor!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember?\nRachel Green: You have been maid of honor before?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: See? This is exactly why you shouldn't lie!\nRachel Green: All right that's it! I am maid of honor!\nPhoebe Buffay: Na-uh, I am!\nRachel Green: How come you are?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I cared enough to lie!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how you'd handle maid of honor type situations.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if I'm the best of the people they see, they give me the part.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so after this audition, who decides who gets it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's better than us deciding.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Can't we just flip a coin?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Coins hate me!\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay fine, y'know what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey there, you handsome thing.\nRoss Geller: Wow, this cologne really is every bit as good as Georgio.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Just uh, brought back your videos.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.\nRoss Geller: No! No we don't!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!\nRoss Geller: I... I don't know what you are talking about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!\nRoss Geller: I've had better.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! When?!\nRoss Geller: All right! All right! It was the best nap ever!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh!\nRoss Geller: I've said it! Okay?! But it's over Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: I want to do it again.\nRoss Geller: We can't do it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Because it's weird!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Do you want something to drink?\nRoss Geller: Sure, what do you got?\nJoey Tribbiani: Warm milk and Excedrin P.M.\nMonica Geller: Chandler! Chandler! I just figured out who you are!\nChandler Bing: Can you figure out what I'm doing?\nMonica Geller: You're Lewis Posin.\nChandler Bing: Who?\nMonica Geller: Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why?\nChandler Bing: Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?!\nMonica Geller: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa... And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Y'know, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.\nChandler Bing: What? Are you kidding? That was like 16 years ago.\nMonica Geller: No, I know. But y'know what? It would make me feel better if Lewis apologized to me.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, all right, this is how it's going to work. We're gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.\nRoss Geller: No, 10 is the highest.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why is 10 the highest?\nRoss Geller: Because It's The Highest. Situation No.1 You're with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to marry Chandler!\nRachel Green: Okay, uh...\nJoey Tribbiani: I've got cold feet.\nRachel Green: ...it's gonna be okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, one man for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can do it! This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey!\nRachel Green: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Y'know, it's-it's just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You don't get to keep the gifts.\nJoey Tribbiani: Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!\nRachel Green: Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Yes, very nice Rachel.\nRachel Green: Thank you judges.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, what a kiss ass.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Your honor?\nJoey Tribbiani: We're now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, \"I do\" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!\nRoss Geller: When Monica was a little girl, I remember that-Ooh!! Ow! Very good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Excellent! Perfect score!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Do you want do you want a little taste of Pheebs?!\nRoss Geller: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.\nRachel Green: Ohh, wait a minute, we haven't pre...\nRoss Geller: Go!\nRachel Green: Okay! Okay! Umm, Webster's Dictionary defines marriage as... Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh... I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, I've known them separately and I've known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow. Good speech.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it really was!\nRachel Green: Aw, thanks!\nRoss Geller: Okay Phoebe, I guess you're next although I really don't see the point.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I can't believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked.\nJoey Tribbiani: And she's back in the game.\nChandler Bing: Julie hi! Chandler Bing, I, I guess you remember me.\nJulie Graff: Hello Skidmark.\nChandler Bing: It's a nickname, I'll explain later.\nMonica Geller: It's pretty clear.\nChandler Bing: Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.\nJulie Graff: That's why you broke up with me?\nChandler Bing: You-you-you didn't know that. Well, I guess my work here is done!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for Rachel-Damnit!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! I won!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry Rach, it was, it was really close.\nRachel Green: Well then I demand a recount!\nRoss Geller: Actually, it wasn't that close.\nRachel Green: No! Y'know what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculous-We're gonna flip a coin! All right?! Heads!\nPhoebe Buffay: The coins have finally forgiven me!\nRachel Green: Well y'know what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach, it's gonna be okay! You guys are the best!\nJoey Tribbiani: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch.\nRoss Geller: Why-why would I care about that?\nJoey Tribbiani: No reason, I'm just saying that uh... That's where I'll be.\nChandler Bing: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that I'm going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.\nMonica Geller: Why don't you just stop doing stupid things? Then you wouldn't have to apologize.\nChandler Bing: I would really love it if could do both.\nMonica Geller: All right, I...I have to ask.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?\nChandler Bing: What?!\nMonica Geller: Well, you broke up with Julie Grath! How much weight could she have gained?\nChandler Bing: A hundred and forty-five pounds.\nMonica Geller: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! That's not the point.\nChandler Bing: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!\nMonica Geller: Well... That's not the only time this was an issue. You remember when umm, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.\nMonica Geller: How?\nChandler Bing: You were not supposed to hear that! I said that behind you back!\nMonica Geller: What if I have babies, okay? I mean I'm gonna look different. I'm okay with that, but I'm not sure that you are!\nChandler Bing: Look you have to realize I don't think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is you're Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.\nMonica Geller: Keep going.\nChandler Bing: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.\nMonica Geller: Even if I shrink down to two inches tall?\nChandler Bing: I'd carry you around in my pocket.\nMonica Geller: I love you.\nChandler Bing: Skidmark's still got a way with the ladies.\nRachel Green: Hi Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi! I just want to apologize. I'm really sorry I was a baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. Oh, you mean today.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Yeah, and y'know you-you deserve to win. And-and y'know I was thinking about it, if-if you're Monica's maid of honor that means I get to be yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah!\nRachel Green: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, y'know just in case...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's so sweet thanks.\nRachel Green: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and here's a little purse that I found. Y'know I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh.\nRachel Green: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs y'know 'cause, people cry at weddings. I'm just gonna grab a couple of these.\nPhoebe Buffay: This stuff is great!\nRachel Green: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monica's something borrowed and it's blue. Yeah...\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know Rach, I think that, I think you should be Monica's made of honor.\nRachel Green: You do? Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I think it means more to you.\nRachel Green: But Pheebs, y'know you earned it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Its fine. I mean, this is something that you've been thinking about since you were what, 14?\nRachel Green: No, I was ten. I just developed early.\nPhoebe Buffay: Man alive!\nMonica Geller: Hey, what's going on?\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, wow! That's great! Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; we'll get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? I'm so excited!\nRachel Green: Yeah okay, you laugh now, but she's gonna be yours.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great nap.\nRoss Geller: It really was.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Morning!\nRachel Green: Hi! Oh, how was your date last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pretty good.\nRachel Green: Oh good. Ahhh! My God, sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go; I'm late for work.\nRachel Green: What-what?! You're gonna leave this person with me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-Hey, don't worry, she's a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that I'm not looking for a serious relationship; that'd be great.\nRachel Green: Why?! What?! Are you kidding?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Just casually slip it in, y'know lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, I'm a loner-No! An outlaw! Tell her she doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me.\nRachel Green: Y'know what? That's a lot to remember, can't I just tell her you're a pig?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! He'd even make the girl pancakes! Plus, he'd make extras and leave 'em for me.\nRachel Green: Well forget it, I'm not telling that girl anything. That is not my responsibility.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Now, where'd we land on those pancakes?\nJoey's Date: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey's Date: Sorry about that, but I couldn't get that lock to work on the door.\nRachel Green: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.\nJoey's Date: You must be Rachel, I'm Erin.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nErin: Hi. I don't mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me?\nRachel Green: Would you like some pancakes?\nChandler Bing: ...Come on! Why are we here?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay take a guess.\nChandler Bing: The hot chicks?\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, y'know-y'know for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! It's here! Yeah, it's right-it's right down here! In the biggest library in the university!\nChandler Bing: Wow that's actually pretty cool.\nRoss Geller: Oh umm, there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. What is that?\nChandler Bing: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.\nFemale Student: I'm so sorry!\nMale Student: Sorry!\nChandler Bing: You didn't bring me here to do that, did you?\nMonica Geller: She sent the chicken back again?!\nThe Waitress: She says it's to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.\nMonica Geller: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in!\nThe Colonel: OH...MY...GAWD!!!!\nMonica Geller: Lucky bastard! Janice.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever!\nMonica Geller: I'm fine.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ohh! What is that on your finger?! I'm blind!\nMonica Geller: Oh... Uh...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So, who's the lucky guy?\nChandler Bing: OH...MY...GAWD! I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didn't tell her we were getting married, did you?\nMonica Geller: Well, she saw the ring.\nChandler Bing: Did she freak out?\nMonica Geller: Well, she was shocked when I told her, but then again so were most people.\nChandler Bing: Right.\nMonica Geller: Well, she actually has a boyfriend y'know herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.\nChandler Bing: You said no right?\nMonica Geller: Huh?\nChandler Bing: You said no right?!\nMonica Geller: Well, she corned me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?!\nChandler Bing: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The check's in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I can't wait to read your book Ross!!\nMonica Geller: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it won't be so bad.\nChandler Bing: What do you think she's just gonna sit there quietly? You don't think she's gonna want to make a toast? You don't think she's gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, she's not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? It's gonna be okay. Y'know what? She's probably not gonna even want to come.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was?\nMonica Geller: So-so you would've just lied?\nChandler Bing: Yes!!\nMonica Geller: Would it really have been that easy?\nChandler Bing: Yes!!!\nMonica Geller: Good, so do it Saturday night because we're going to dinner with her and Clark.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, who's your friend? Hey!!\nErin: Hey Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Erin! Still here!\nRachel Green: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why wouldn't ya? Erin is great! Then-then there's you guys.\nErin: Ohh, listen. I've got to get going. Today was great, thanks!\nRachel Green: I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay!\nErin: Bye Joey. Last night was fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'll uh, I'll call ya.\nRachel Green: Oh and I'll call ya too!\nErin: Or I'll call you!\nPhoebe Buffay: And call me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, good to see you again.\nErin: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye-bye.\nRachel Green: Bye!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, system kinda broke down huh?!\nRachel Green: Oh Joey, I'm sorry I just couldn't tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And y'know we got to talking and I...\nPhoebe Buffay: We want you to marry her!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: She is so amazing! You have no idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: No idea? Who do you think brought her here?\nRachel Green: Cupid.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, she's so cool. She speaks four languages.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, do you know what guys want!\nRachel Green: Look Joey, come on she's so perfect for you! I mean she's sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch.\nJoey Tribbiani: My beers?! Look you guys, she's a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I just-I don't see it going anywhere.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you always say that.\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look I'm sorry you guys, I-I just don't think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whatever.\nRachel Green: Fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, don't start judging me! Huh? You're the one who's in love with her assistant! Huh? And you, you're the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Secret affair!\nRoss Geller: People are doing it in front of my book!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry?\nRoss Geller: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin' babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Did you get to see anything good?\nRoss Geller: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.\nRachel Green: Yeah, there was. It was-there the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever read-Yes, there was.\nRoss Geller: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think it's like uh-a thing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?\nRoss Geller: Oh for cryin' out loud!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, so we should go catch our movie.\nRachel Green: Well now what's the rush?\nJoey Tribbiani: I like to see the previews. The candy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Hey!\nRachel Green: Well look who's here!\nErin: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nErin: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Erin.\nErin: Hey Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!\nErin: What's wrong?\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no.\nJoey Tribbiani: What party?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who's birthday party?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, and how is Allison?\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! Why don't you guys do something?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, look how that worked out.\nRoss Geller: Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?\nThe Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.\nRoss Geller: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?!\nThe Head Librarian: How can I help you?\nRoss Geller: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.\nThe Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I can't help you.\nRoss Geller: Well, fine. Fine! If-if I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, I'll go up there and defend it myself! And don't you follow me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: How did it go with Erin?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!! Oh so, you're not, you're not mad at us anymore?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Y'know? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.\nPhoebe Buffay: Didn't you sleep together?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well that's a...\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Listen to you talkin' about having kids. Oh my Joey. Oh, please don't get married before I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!\nMonica Geller: He might still show up.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, what are you, stupid? It's been three hours.\nMonica Geller: Is that all?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why don't you tell about your lovely wedding?\nChandler Bing: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, it's going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! We're not even sure why we're having it.\nMonica Geller: It's actually going to be just family.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh...wait...you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?\nJoey Tribbiani: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!\nErin: What about Benitez?\nJoey Tribbiani: What about Game 1 of the Series?\nErin: What about shut up?\nJoey Tribbiani: You shut up! I love arguing with her. I'll be right back.\nErin: Okay.\nRachel Green: So how's it goin' with Joey?\nErin: Uh, okay.\nRachel Green: Okay? Wait okay, tell-tell me that you like him, please? I mean tell me that you like him.\nErin: Look, he's a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just don't see this having a future.\nRachel Green: But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did ya just change your mind?!\nErin: Kinda.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then change it back!\nErin: I'm sorry I... It's just there's no real spark.\nPhoebe Buffay: No spark? Didn't you sleep together?\nErin: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Ugh, tramp!\nPhoebe Buffay: Does Joey have any idea?\nErin: I really don't think he does. And y'know what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. Y'know, tell him I'm-I'm not interested in a serious relationship or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you mean like that you're kind of a loner.\nErin: Yeah! That would be great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and maybe that you're a real\nErin: I'm sorry?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You wanna go?\nErin: Yeah, let's go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. See you guys later.\nErin: Bye guys.\nRachel Green: Yeah, see ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, thank you so much.\nRachel Green: Wow. Well, I guess it was Cupid who brought her here.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, just a regular old flying dwarf.\nRoss Geller: Yes? Yes?! How can I help you?\nGuy: Yeah, we were...we were just looking around.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, you're-you're fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the Smiledon Californicus?\nGuy: Uhh...\nRoss Geller: Ah... Ah...Get out of here! Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marion's views on evolution?\nWoman: Uh, actually I find Marion's views far to progressionist.\nRoss Geller: I find Marion's views far to progressionist.\nWoman: I'm sorry, who are you?\nRoss Geller: I'm a professor here uh, Ross...Geller.\nWoman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? It's uh-Wait! Did you write this?\nRoss Geller: Yes! You're the person who checked out my book?!\nWoman: Y'know, you look nothing like I would've thought. You're...you're so young.\nRoss Geller: Well I uh, I skipped forth grade.\nRoss Geller: I am very...very sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: So how was, how was your date?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still... And guess what, I'm thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no! It's a surprise, but it's gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.\nRachel Green: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, she's not lookin' for a serious relationship.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where are you gettin' this?\nRachel Green: Well, she told me. She said she's kinda a loner.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Oh.\nRachel Green: Joey...\nJoey Tribbiani: No hey Rach, it's cool okay? Y'know I'm a loner too! Right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Joey, y'know what? You are way to good for her.\nRachel Green: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell 'em you're not looking for a relationship.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No. Don't do that, just next time make sure she really likes me.\nRachel Green: Well that too. Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Do you want some pancakes?\nJoey Tribbiani: Finally!\nMonica Geller: What are we gonna do?\nChandler Bing: I say we go with Careless Whisper.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Did she see us yet? Did she see us?\nMonica Geller: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldn't really be alone tonight. I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.\nMonica Geller: Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice aren't they?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Please, it's because otherwise I really don't know what I might do.\nChandler Bing: Aren't you just a tinsy bit curious?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Do you have any tissues?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, in-in-in the bathroom.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay!\nMonica Geller: We'll just...we'll just let her stay.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever!\nMonica Geller: Kinda like your Barca lounger.\nChandler Bing: Is that what you're thinking about right now?\nMonica Geller: I never stop thinking about it.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.\nChandler Bing: Janice, I'm sorry but umm, you can't stay here tonight.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Honestly? Our apartment is a hotbed for electromagnetic activity. Now Monica and I have been immunized, but sadly you have not.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Okay, I'm going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. Do you have a cat? 'Cause it's already happening. Do you hear that?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Why?\nMonica Geller: Because Chandler still has feelings for you!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: He does?\nChandler Bing: Say again?\nMonica Geller: That's right. That's right. And that is why you can't stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding.\nChandler Bing: Feelings, such strong feelings.\nMonica Geller: I mean, I realize that his feelings may never completely go away, but you can.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh...my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, I'll go. Good-bye Monica , I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, you call me when this goes in the pooper.\nRoss Geller: Don't sweat it, I've got this section covered. Yeah, in fact I've got this little baby to shine in people's eye-Okay, see you later.\nChandler Bing: I just wanted to show Monica your book."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!\nChandler Bing: No, no, no. No-no-no.\nRoss Geller: What, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?\nChandler Bing: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.\nRoss Geller: What? That's like insanely easy!\nChandler Bing: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen .\nMonica Geller: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.\nRoss Geller: What? You forgot fourteen states?\nMonica Geller: Nobody cares about the Dakotas.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay, time's up!\nRachel Green: All right, I got 48.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's not bad, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I Got Tired Of Naming States. So I Decided To List The Types Of Celery, And I Have One regular celery.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in...vegetables, Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.\nRoss Geller: Wow, how many have you got?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fifty-six!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team!\nChandler Bing: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? There you go.\nRachel Green: How come we have one extra place setting?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause you invited your assistant.\nRachel Green: Oh, right. Sorry. But Tag's not coming; his girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her.\nMonica Geller: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.\nRachel Green: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.\nMonica Geller: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, but I still do.\nPhoebe Buffay: Regular Celery! Oh, I already have that.\nRoss Geller: Done! With time a-to-spare.\nChandler Bing: Oooh that may be a New World's record\nRoss Geller: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called \"a globe?\" Hmm?\nChandler Bing: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states.\nRoss Geller: What? That's impossible.\nJoey Tribbiani: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?\nMonica Geller: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!\nChandler Bing: I am only one man! Okay Ross, time is up!\nRoss Geller: No, just give me another minute.\nChandler Bing: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.\nRoss Geller: This-this is crazy! I can do this! All right, uhh, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner.\nChandler Bing: Okay, but if you can't...no dinner!\nRoss Geller: You're on!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.\nMonica Geller: Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?\nJoey Tribbiani: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?\nMonica Geller: Ross, I'm gonna use yours, okay?\nRoss Geller: Pshhshhh!\nMonica Geller: Chandler? Can you give me a hand?\nChandler Bing: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, why is your bag moving?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's not!\nRachel Green: Seriously, it's moving!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell is in there?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's just my knitting that's all! Yes! I knit this. I'm very good.\nMonica Geller: Ross's apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often?\nChandler Bing: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.\nMonica Geller: That's my pie!\nChandler Bing: Which smells delicious!\nMonica Geller: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: We left Joey alone with the food! Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, who's this?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!\nChandler Bing: Tell her, I'm allergic, and I will sue!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, there's no dog here?\nMonica Geller: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god! Where are you?\nMonica Geller: I'll be right there!\nPhoebe Buffay: They're here already? How are they doing this?\nRachel Green: Hi Tag! What are you doing here?\nTag Jones: I, uh, wanted to see if your offer to spend Thanksgiving with you is still good.\nRachel Green: Well, sure! Come in! Well, what-what happened to your girlfriend?\nTag Jones: We kinda broke up this morning.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry.\nTag Jones: Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.\nRoss Geller: Ohio!! Thank you!\nChandler Bing: Huh! Where is the dog?!\nRoss Geller: What dog? There-there's no dog here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah that dog left!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! Phoebe, open up!\nPhoebe Buffay: There's no dog in here.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!\nPhoebe Buffay: No that's just me coughing! Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.\nChandler Bing: What is it doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?\nMonica Geller: Oooh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic!\nChandler Bing: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?\nChandler Bing: Well, it still has to go, right?\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's um...\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't do it!\nMonica Geller: Don't do what?\nChandler Bing: I have to! Okay? It's time! Okay, I hate dogs.\nEveryone: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you crazy?\nRoss Geller: Are you out of your mind?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Told ya.\nChandler Bing: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.\nRoss Geller: Right, they are scary. Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?\nChandler Bing: Is there a puppy here?\nTag Jones: You don't like puppies?\nChandler Bing: Okay, you are new!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin' ice cream.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't like ice cream?\nRoss Geller: It's too cold.\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.\nRoss Geller: It hurts my teeth.\nChandler Bing: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. Oh my god!!\nRoss Geller: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T.s.\nMonica Geller: 1250.\nRoss Geller: Damn, I forgot you were here.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Ross's. We'll be back in a minute.\nRachel Green: Oh, wait before you guys go, can I just ask you a question?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'd say about a month.\nMonica Geller: Really? I'd say 3 to 4.\nJoey Tribbiani: Half hour.\nRachel Green: Interesting.\nMonica Geller: When it's your assistant, I would say never.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.\nRachel Green: Huh. A moo-point?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.\nRachel Green: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?\nMonica Geller: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-he's obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.\nRachel Green: You're right, I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nTag Jones: Hey.\nRachel Green: How are you holding up?\nTag Jones: Not bad.\nRachel Green: Yeah? I'm sorry about your girlfriend.\nTag Jones: Thanks.\nRachel Green: So were you guys together a long time?\nTag Jones: A year. On and off. I kinda thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore.\nRachel Green: Now that she broke up with you?\nTag Jones: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Hmmmm.\nTag Jones: It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling?\nRachel Green: No...Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it...it has to work out.\nTag Jones: Why?\nRachel Green: Because, uh-it has to.\nTag Jones: You have all the answers, don't you?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I know, I do. I really do.\nTag Jones: Hey, thanks for talking to me.\nRachel Green: Well, what is a boss for? Hug it out!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!\nTag Jones: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Street noise drowned any of that out? No, all right, I see you later, okay...\nTag Jones: What did Joey say? I like you back?\nRachel Green: Uh, yeah, well, see, he... Joey knows, that I'm-I'm very insecure about my back and, and...you're hugging me, so obviously you are not repulsed by it, yeah!\nTag Jones: Wait-wait a minute; that doesn't make any sense.\nRachel Green: No? All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.\nTag Jones: Wow.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.\nTag Jones: Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car!\nRachel Green: What?\nTag Jones: Right there! That's my car! Hey!!\nRachel Green: Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?\nTag Jones: I can't believe this!\nRachel Green: Wait, we still have time to talk and they're-they're not even in the car yet! Oh look, there they go, okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay Phoebe, we should probably go back now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Please don't leave me, I'll be lonely.\nMonica Geller: Stop it. Stop! Okay let's go. We can be strong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god! Did you hear that? She said Monica! Oooh, I can't leave her!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.\nMonica Geller: That's not gonna work.\nPhoebe Buffay: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.\nMonica Geller: Hey! I didn't know either.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you kinda knew that something was going on, didn't you?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I knew.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where's Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Here I am.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wash your hands!!!\nChandler Bing: How did you...know?\nRoss Geller: Hey! What's she doing back here?\nMonica Geller: Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream!\nRoss Geller: Hey look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but, but look what I'm...\nPhoebe Buffay: See, this is exactly what we do not have time for.\nChandler Bing: Where's Monica?\nRoss Geller: Um, in Phoebe's room. You can't go in there.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Monica's crying. She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing.\nChandler Bing: Well, I, I should go in there.\nRoss Geller: No. No, no. She doesn't want to see you right now.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nRoss Geller: Because you sent away the dog!\nChandler Bing: This is ridiculous.\nRoss Geller: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend...Phyllis...take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! What's the matter?\nChandler Bing: Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away.\nJoey Tribbiani: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do... I, w-w-what if, what if it attacks me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.\nChandler Bing: And that doesn't scare you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, you need some help?\nRoss Geller: From you? Yes, please!\nJoey Tribbiani: First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!\nRoss Geller: I hate America! When I finish this game, I swear I am moving.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.\nRachel Green: Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out\nJoey Tribbiani: If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, is Chandler here?\nChandler Bing: No, no he went for a walk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, but you cannot tell him... but look whose back!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, the dog's not going to be there!\nJoey Tribbiani: You think?\nMonica Geller: Hi, honey.\nChandler Bing: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.\nMonica Geller: What? Why, why would...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Y'know, for you, and... I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain.\nPhoebe Buffay: We have good news, look whose back!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Clunkers?! Oh my god!\nMonica Geller: That's right, she came back all by herself.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a Thanksgiving miracle!\nChandler Bing: It is so good to see you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in... I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?\nRoss Geller: Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states. Let me tell you something, I have 49 states, and there are no more! I-I think, I should be able to eat something.\nChandler Bing: It's up to you.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi! How are you doing?\nTag Jones: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nTag Jones: Thanks for having me over, you guys.\nRoss Geller: Tag? Y-You're going? Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?\nTag Jones: Colorado.\nRoss Geller: Ah, what good are you.\nRachel Green: Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.\nTag Jones: Okay.\nRachel Green: Ah, I-I never should have said what I said. It-y'know what? It just doesn't matter how I feel. I mean we work together, so nothing could really ever happen between us, and what I would love is just to go to work on Monday, and-and never talk about this again, okay? Big day Monday lots to do. So, we're okay?\nTag Jones: Um, I'm not.\nRachel Green: Oh, god, I know it, that I freaked you out.\nTag Jones: No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.\nRachel Green: Really?\nTag Jones: Yeah, so, please don't fire me for doing this.\nRachel Green: Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.\nRoss Geller: Delaware! Delaware!\nChandler Bing: All right.\nRoss Geller: I want my turkey now!\nChandler Bing: You got it. You got Nevada twice.\nRoss Geller: I know.\nChandler Bing: Yeah."}
{"text": "Ben Geller: I'm ready!\nRoss Geller: You sure?\nBen Geller: Uh-huh!\nChandler Bing: Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there.\nBen Geller: Thanks daddy.\nRoss Geller: No-no, one daddy, two mommies. All right, it's all yours.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Okay.\nRoss Geller: Yes! Yes! Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: His first big kid's bike, this is so exciting!\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, I remember mine! Ohh, it was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park, I got it, and...it bent.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I never had a bike of my own.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, we didn't have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on.\nChandler Bing: That sounds like my first bike. My dad gave me his old one.\nRoss Geller: Ohh.\nMonica Geller: Did the girl ever let you ride it?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard.\nRoss Geller: That is so unfair!\nPhoebe Buffay: Not really, I got to drag him around too!\nChandler Bing: Hey! What are you guys doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, who?\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna hang this basket on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece.\nChandler Bing: But we don't know the neighbors.\nJoey Tribbiani: I do. There's uh, let's see, Guy With a Mustache, Smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids I've Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.\nMonica Geller: See? This is exactly why I'm making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors.\nChandler Bing: Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?\nRachel Green: Gooood morning!!\nChandler Bing: Eh, somebody's in a good mood!\nRachel Green: Well, why shouldn't I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job!\nMonica Geller: Where you can make out with your assistant.\nRachel Green: Come on, it's not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, what's the plan?\nRachel Green: We... We are not... ...going to let it... be a problem.\nMonica Geller: Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?!\nRachel Green: Well y'know, we did other stuff too.\nMonica Geller: Did you two...\nRachel Green: Oh Monica come on, y'know I don't sleep with guys on the first date!\nMonica Geller: Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire...\nRachel Green: Anymore!!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct?\nTag Jones: Yes, at 4:00.\nRachel Green: Okay, thank you. That'll be all. Wait! Wait! Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea there was something going on between us.\nTag Jones: I'd better get back to my desk.\nRachel Green: Okay, you hard worker! I'll remember to put that in your evaluation.\nTag Jones: My what?\nRachel Green: Well, you've been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But y'know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate.\nTag Jones: Are you serious?\nRachel Green: No, I've just always wanted to do that. Can you help me clean this up?\nMonica Geller: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy!\nChandler Bing: Well, either that or uh...\nMonica Geller: Joey!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Did you eat all the neighbor candy?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and they've been coming by all day. They love it!\nMonica Geller: They love my candy? Oh man!!! I've gotta go make more!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Mon, you might wanna make some more lasagna too, because something might've happened to a huge chunk of it.\nMonica Geller: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!!\nRoss Geller: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!! Pheebs, you uh, you got a second.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, ever since you uh, told me that story about that bike I-I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean, everyone should have a-a first bike, so...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God Ross!!\nRoss Geller: You like it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I love it!!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh!! Ohh!! And I love you!\nRoss Geller: Ahh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer!\nRoss Geller: Ah! Well uh-uh, t-take it downstairs, y'know give it a test ride.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten.\nRoss Geller: You're welcome.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh and Chandler's about to cry.\nChandler Bing: Am not!\nMonica Geller: Who is that?!\nChandler Bing: Don't worry, I'm brave! I am brave! I...I am brave! No-no-no-no!! Can you tell me who is there please?\nThe Knocker: My name is Gary, I live upstairs.\nGary: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi. Do you know what time it is?\nGary: It's candy time! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven.\nMonica Geller: Oh please! Did you hear that? Little drops of heaven.\nChandler Bing: 4:00 A.M.\nGary: So, can I get some candy?\nChandler Bing: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! He does not know that I am not some of us.\nMonica Geller: Umm, listen I am sorry, but I'll put some out first thing in the morning.\nGary: Well okay, I'll swing by later. Do you live in this building?\nMonica Geller: Um-hmm.\nGary: Mm! Seems like I would've remembered you!\nChandler Bing: Mm! Night Gar'!\nRachel Green: So did you read your evaluation yet?\nTag Jones: No! It was marked confidential I just sent it down to Human Resources.\nRachel Green: Okay please, you're kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you!\nTag Jones: A joke they would appreciate?\nRachel Green: I'm thinkin' no.\nTag Jones: What did you say?!\nRachel Green: Umm, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny touchie.\nTag Jones: No, not my touchie.\nRachel Green: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, \"Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision,\" and under Problems with Performance I wrote, \"Dear God, I hope not,\" and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.\nMonica Geller: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried.\nJoey Tribbiani: Almost cried huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost cried!\nChandler Bing: Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic!\nJoey Tribbiani: Those two only had each other!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah! I saw her walkin' it down the street the other day. She had uh, these flowers in the basket. It was so cute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I saw her this morning walkin' it by the park.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hi!\nChandler Bing: Hey! So are you enjoying the bike?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, uh-huh so much!\nRoss Geller: Pheebs you uh...you do know how to ride a bike don't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course!\nMonica Geller: Umm, can we see you ride it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. See?\nMonica Geller: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs. Did you hear that Chandler? No such thing!\nChandler Bing: What happened? I'm just eating candy.\nRachel Green: Maybe it's not as bad as I think. Y'know, maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it.\nChandler Bing: Absolutely! Y'know, because touchie can mean both ass and good worker.\nRachel Green: Ugh, I just gotta get the thing back!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this?\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Joey!\nChandler Bing: What is the matter with you?\nRachel Green: Ugh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.\nThe Woman: Hi! I'm sorry, I know it's after hours but I really need candy.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, I can't help you. See? Rules are rules.\nThe Woman: Please! I have people coming from out of town today! And, I told them all about your candy!\nMonica Geller: No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell 'em?\nThe Woman: I told 'em your candy is absolutely indescribable!\nMonica Geller: Some people have been saying its y'know little drops of heaven, but whatever.\nThe Woman: Please, can't you help me out?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?\nChandler Bing: Maybe, isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?\nMonica Geller: All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!\nThe Woman: Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!\nThe Woman: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: It's unbelievable! I-I can't believe that sign didn't work!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what would work?\nMonica Geller: Hmm?\nChandler Bing: Stop making candy!\nMonica Geller: But they like it!\nChandler Bing: You mean they like you.\nMonica Geller: Maybe.\nChandler Bing: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?\nMonica Geller: Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man?\nRoss Geller: Okay, now just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine. Okay? Here we go. Ready...Set...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seat-or a beanbag chair!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you can't get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? Why do I have to learn?\nRoss Geller: Well...In-in case of emergency.\nPhoebe Buffay: What kind of an emergency?\nRoss Geller: Well let there-what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says, \"You ride this bike or I'll sh...I'll shoot you.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.\nRoss Geller: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike and-Hey! I'll hold you up and-and push you. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: You won't let go?\nRoss Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Swear?!\nRoss Geller: I swear!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Come on. All right, here we go. All right?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nRoss Geller: All right. Feel good?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well...\nRoss Geller: All right, try pedaling.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: That's it, your doing great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Doing great! Yes-yes-yes! Take control! Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Weee!!!\nRoss Geller: Yes!! Yes!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Oh! Oh no!! You swore!\nRoss Geller: I-I just thought you were doing so well. I...\nPhoebe Buffay: I am shocked! Shocked!!\nRoss Geller: It's a legitimate learning technique. Wow!\nRoss Geller: Hey, there's uh, some people outside, askin' about candy.\nMonica Geller: Well, they're just gonna have to wait aren't they? I've only got two hands!!\nRoss Geller: Need some help?\nMonica Geller: No! You don't know the system! There'll be nobody messing with the system!\nRoss Geller: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hello liar.\nRoss Geller: Look, I-I'm really sorry I let go of the bike.\nPhoebe Buffay: I could've been killed I hope you know!\nRoss Geller: I know. I know. But, can we please try it again? Huh? I mean, you were so close Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I would love to but...the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! What the hell?!\nRoss Geller: All right, y'know what? If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike then I'm sorry, I'm just gonna have to take it back.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Why?!\nRoss Geller: Because! Because, it-it-it's... It'd be like you having this guitar and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you don't ride it you-you're-you're killing its spirit! The bike is dying.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay.\nRoss Geller: Great! Great! You're making the bike very happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay Ross! Please don't die!\nRachel Green: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but we're gonna have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. Now, he doesn't get in until 10, so he's no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.\nTag Jones: That's kinda sad.\nRachel Green: Yeah, well Betty's kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.\nTag Jones: Got it!\nRachel Green: Let's roll!\nMr. Zelner: Hello Rachel, you uh, got a minute?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anything-minute. Okay. Fine. Abort the plan, abort the plan.\nMr. Zelner: Uh actually, I'd like to speak with both of you.\nRachel Green: Okay. Uh, well can we, can we get you anything Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates?\nMr. Zelner: Umm, no. Thanks, but I'll give these to Betty. So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two?\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Can you imagine if there was?! I mean, what would happen exactly.\nMr. Zelner: Well, I'd be forced to file a report. I'd have to consult with the legal department, and your future at the company would be in jeopardy.\nRachel Green: Well...\nTag Jones: Uh Mr. Zelner, I'm the one who filled in that evaluation.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no...\nTag Jones: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I thought it would be funny.\nMr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute touchie?\nTag Jones: Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and I'm kinda strangely proud of my butt.\nMr. Zelner: It's kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I can't figure out what this is?\nRachel Green: You're lookin' at it upside down-y'know what? It doesn't matter.\nMr. Zelner: Yeah, it's not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But there's a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? No? Okay, well uh, you've got my fax number.\nRachel Green: Whoa! I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet.\nTag Jones: No, don't worry about it.\nRachel Green: No, you could've lost your job.\nTag Jones: Are you kidding me?! With a cute butt like this, I'd find work.\nRachel Green: Thank you! You're great!\nTag Jones: Y'know what?\nRachel Green: What?\nTag Jones: I feel great. In fact! What?\nRachel Green: I... It just-it took me so long to get that desk organized.\nTag Jones: Oh, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: There it is.\nChandler Bing: What is going on?\nThe Man: We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah lady! Give us candy!!\nChandler Bing: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's up buddy?\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Waiting for candy.\nChandler Bing: Get in here! Hey, and you can not smoke in here! Merry Christmas.\nMonica Geller: Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool!\nEveryone: We want candy! We want candy now!\nChandler Bing: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and I'll bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?\nThe Man: Candy Lady?\nChandler Bing: No not Candy Lady.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!\nChandler Bing: All right, y'know what? Forget it, all of you forget it! You've ruined it! Go home! You've ruined it! You've ruined it!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, it's all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it!\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: You're welcome.\nMonica Geller: Did you smoke?\nChandler Bing: No! Smokes-A-Lot Lady blew smoke directly into my mouth. Eh-uh-are you okay?\nMonica Geller: I'm fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I don't know...\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought I'd be able to do that! Thank you Ross.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, don't thank me, thank yourself. You're the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't be so corny Ross, it's not an after-school special."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Buh-bye. I just got us reservations at Michelle's and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.\nMonica Geller: Betrothed...\nChandler Bing: ...betrothed couple.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Haaaa... ... ahhhh!\nChandler Bing: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nChandler Bing: Skull?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, it's my mom's.\nRachel Green: Oh my god!!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Licorice?\nRoss Geller: Sure! Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.\nEveryone: Ohh! That's great!\nMonica Geller: Are you gonna dress up as Santa?\nRoss Geller: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.\nPhoebe Buffay: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.\nRachel Green: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.\nRoss Geller: Hmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Did you know he was in there?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: How long have we been home?\nMonica Geller: About a half an hour.\nChandler Bing: Lovely!\nChandler Bing: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nMonica Geller: Bing's weird.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, you guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.\nMonica Geller: Ahh, Phoebe, I'm gonna miss you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.\nChandler Bing: Ohh! You guys gonna be living together again?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, why not?\nChandler Bing: Well, she's just so much fun with Joey, I just assumed, she'd still be living with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey?\nChandler Bing: No reason, except...she...told...me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? So she said, she didn't wanna live with me anymore?\nChandler Bing: No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're sure? You're absolutely sure?\nMonica Geller: Well, no. But, um, I bet she probably does.\nPhoebe Buffay: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. Kind of what 'probably' really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, \"Your mom probably won't kill herself,\" y'know? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on \"Probably!\" Y'know? You gotta take care of yourselves! In this world history teaches us nothing!\nChandler Bing: Bing doesn't seem so weird now, does it?\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Great, you're home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas!\nRachel Green: Drums?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! Drums!\nChandler Bing: Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please?\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.\nMaitre D': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.\nChandler Bing: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.\nMaitre D': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.\nChandler Bing: Is this because of the burrito thing?\nMonica Geller: You need to give him money.\nChandler Bing: Give him money? It was a joke!\nMonica Geller: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin' you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.\nChandler Bing: Right, calm down, O'Mally. I'll slip him some money.\nMonica Geller: You've got to be smooth about it.\nChandler Bing: Hey, I can be smooth. Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it.\nMaitre D': Of course, sir.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: How did it go?\nChandler Bing: Had the money in the wrong hand.\nRoss Geller: Wooooooo, hehehe. Hey, ahh, you don't feel like you're gonna throw up, do ya?\nBen Geller: No.\nRoss Geller: Well, I do, so let's... So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?\nBen Geller: Christmas.\nRoss Geller: Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up?\nBen Geller: Christmas eve.\nRoss Geller: Yes, but also Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.\nBen Geller: Santa has reindeers that can fly!\nRoss Geller: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.\nBen Geller: Jingle bells, jingle bells...\nRoss Geller: Okay, that's right, yes, but on Hanukkah, uh, we sing, uh Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay.\nBen Geller: Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...\nRoss Geller: Okay, it's not a contest.\nBen Geller: When is Santa coming?\nRoss Geller: Well, how about this year, instead of Santa, we have fun celebrating Hanukkah?\nBen Geller: No Santa? Was I bad?\nRoss Geller: No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been very good, Ben.\nBen Geller: Santa's mad at me.\nRoss Geller: No, hey-hey, come on, Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're-you're his favorite little guy!\nBen Geller: So Santa's coming?\nRoss Geller: Yes! Santa's coming!\nMonica Geller: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!\nChandler Bing: How do you know so much about this?\nMonica Geller: I don't know.\nChandler Bing: Richard used to do it, didn't he?\nMonica Geller: We'd be eating our soup right now.\nChandler Bing: Mustached bastard...\nMonica Geller: Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table!\nChandler Bing: Excuse me...\nMale Guest: Good evening.\nChandler Bing: Ahh-hahaha!\nRachel Green: Ha!\nPhoebe Buffay: So you like the drums! That's, that's great! Y'know, I was worried, that, you know, they would maybe an unbearable living situation. All right, okay, well, apparently not! So, yay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. Ready? One, two, three, four...\nPhoebe Buffay: That's fun.\nGunther: Here you go.\nChandler Bing: Thank you Gunther, put it there. Definitely not easier with coins. Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here. Now I only owe you $49.50.\nChandler Bing: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?\nMonica Geller: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, \"Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!\" I mean, it is so annoying.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe on some level.\nRachel Green: Joey, y'know that you could just not throw the sticks up in the air.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is Rock 'n' Roll about that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey, I got you another present.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wait, before you tell me what it is! Okay, what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a...tarantula! Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?\nRachel Green: What are you talking about? I love them! Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey!\nRachel Green: Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here.\nRachel Green: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?\nPhoebe Buffay: Our apartment is ready.\nRachel Green: And that makes you angry because...\nPhoebe Buffay: Because you would rather live here with Joey.\nRachel Green: Where did you get that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.\nRachel Green: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hm?\nRachel Green: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fish!\nRachel Green: It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here...\nRachel Green: Oh, it's so much more fun with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: We did have fun, didn't we?\nRachel Green: We did!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, anyway, they say, if we want, we can see it tonight.\nRachel Green: Oh, I would love to!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay, okay!\nRachel Green: Good, good, good, good, good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.\nRachel Green: Um... Done!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nSalesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?\nRoss Geller: No, these are my pants.\nSalesman: Oh. Okay! How can I help you?\nRoss Geller: Well, uh, do you have a Santa-outfit left?\nSalesman: Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.\nRoss Geller: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I...uh, you gotta have something.\nRoss Geller: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a Merry Christmas!\nMonica Geller: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?\nRoss Geller: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.\nMonica Geller: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from...Texas.\nBen Geller: Texas?\nRoss Geller: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.\nBen Geller: Wow! Thanks!\nRoss Geller: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, ooh, and Happy Hanukkah!\nBen Geller: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish.\nRoss Geller: You are? Me, too!\nMonica Geller: Because Armadillos also wandered in the desert?\nRoss Geller: You wanna wander in the hall? Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?\nBen Geller: Cool!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Come on Ben.\nRoss Geller: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...\nChandler Bing: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!\nBen Geller: Santa!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing here, Santa?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?\nRoss Geller: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?\nChandler Bing: What?\nBen Geller: Did you bring me any presents, Santa?\nChandler Bing: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! Ho, ho, ho!\nMonica Geller: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!\nRoss Geller: Thank you, but, but you gotta leave.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRoss Geller: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it.\nChandler Bing: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me.\nChandler Bing: Fine, I'll give the suit back.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you think, you can keep it another night?\nChandler Bing: Santa? Really?\nMonica Geller: Yes, is that okay?\nChandler Bing: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Then it's okay!\nRoss Geller: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!\nBen Geller: No! Why does he have to go?\nChandler Bing: Because, if Santa and the Holiday...Armadillo? ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!\nBen Geller: No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa!\nRoss Geller: Fine, I-I give up. Santa, Santa can stay.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?\nBen Geller: Okay, Santa!\nRoss Geller: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.\nJoey Tribbiani: Merry Christmas!\nRachel Green: Oh wow! Look at this place!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is terrible. Oh, they've made so many changes I can't even feel my grandmother's presence anymore-Ooh! New sconces!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRachel Green: Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Do you really not know where I'm going with this? It left! It's one huge room!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! Oh! Wow!!!\nRachel Green: See?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I guess we'll just have to put the wall back up.\nRachel Green: You can't, because of the new skylight!\nPhoebe Buffay: There's a skylight?! Wow!!\nRachel Green: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know I'm-I'm sensing that um, my grandmother would not be comfortable with that.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Startin' to feel her again there are we?\nPhoebe Buffay: A little bit, yeah.\nRachel Green: Pheebs is your grandmother maybe saying that you should live here alone?\nPhoebe Buffay: You heard her too?! You have the gift!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, it's okay. I like living with Joey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you sure?\nRachel Green: Oh please, I hate packing, it's closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, I'm really gonna miss living with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh me too.\nRachel Green: I know. Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, I'm gettin' something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I do not hear that.\nRoss Geller: ...and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that should've just lasted just one day, burned for...\nBen Geller: Eight whole days.\nRoss Geller: That's right, and that's why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.\nBen Geller: Awesome!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt.\nRoss Geller: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, it's time to light the Hanukkah candles!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nRachel Green: Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunny's funeral in here.\nRoss Geller: Come on, come on, we're-we're-we're lighting the candles!\nRachel Green: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunny's funeral?\nRachel Green: I got it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is it back in the cage?\nRachel Green: Its back in cage!\nJoey Tribbiani: Cage closed?\nRachel Green: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Ohh. Mmm.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake.\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I-Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this?\nChandler Bing: It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us.\nRachel Green: Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. Thief.\nChandler Bing: I-no! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box.\nRachel Green: Why, why not?\nChandler Bing: Because it's too delicious.\nRachel Green: Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, Momma's Little Bakery. I feel terrible, I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry what?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Y'know I'm in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out I'm not brain dead.\nChandler Bing: So...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, it's just not my character that's not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?\nPhoebe Buffay: Absolutely!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll see you at 8:00.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Oh, what's at 8:00?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.\nRoss Geller: Wow, did not know that! May I say how lovely you look today?\nPhoebe Buffay: Duly noted.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what?\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nRoss Geller: Cousin Frannie's wedding, its tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: You were invited?!\nRoss Geller: No.\nMonica Geller: My God, I can't believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable!\nChandler Bing: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannie's made some new friends.\nRoss Geller: Well l-look okay, it's probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that y'know when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadn't have stopped her, there probably wouldn't even be a wedding to go too.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, she tried to undress me too.\nChandler Bing: I used to undress my cousin Glenn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!!\nRachel Green: Umm, I think he's still out. What's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note.\nRachel Green: \"Pheebs, can't make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy.\" Big Daddy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's a nickname we were trying out.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Here's Joseph Francis!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note!\nPhoebe Buffay: So what?! That doesn't give you the right to ditch me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe he's right, that is the rule.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't accept this rule. When me make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I can't just be a way to kill time 'til you meet someone better! Y'know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this is for life!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! I'm so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it does.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? I'm sorry. How about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! I'll pay for myself!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, you wore me down.\nRoss Geller: Hey Joe, while you're over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?\nJoey Tribbiani: The Ross-Is that back?!!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!\nRachel Green: So just bring it back downstairs, what's the problem?\nChandler Bing: I can't seem to say goodbye.\nRachel Green: Are you serious?! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and you want more?\nChandler Bing: Well I've forgotten what it tastes like okay?!\nRachel Green: It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling... Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.\nRachel Green: Yeah and we'll drop it off downstairs so that we're not tempted.\nChandler Bing: Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch?\nRachel Green: Momma's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois.\nJoey Tribbiani: Awww! Mel Torme died.\nMonica Geller: Joey, that paper's like a year old!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goody's sale is over?!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasn't a mistake. Ahh, there's-there's limited seating in the hall.\nMonica Geller: Limited seating?! I am just one tiny person!\nRoss Geller: Well yeah, but she doesn't know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you would've turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.\nMonica Geller: Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! That's not the reason she's not inviting me!\nRoss Geller: Oh what's the big deal?! I wasn't even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and y'know what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then we'll-we'll leave early as a sign of protest.\nMonica Geller: Joan?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, you got Ross Gellar and guest?! I wasn't invited and you got \"and guest?!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross's behalf. I-I think the rule applies here y'know, since she has a chance to get on broad back...\nRoss Geller: Not broad backed!\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, y'know, you're bringing me!\nRoss Geller: What? I can't cancel on Joan!\nMonica Geller: Why not?!\nRoss Geller: Bec-Did you not hear me?! She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? They're wild! Why do you want to come anyway?\nMonica Geller: Because! She's my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! We're family y'know? Well that's important to me.\nRoss Geller: Okay, all right, I'll take you. I'll go call Joan.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww that's nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life.\nMonica Geller: We'll see.\nChandler Bing: Well, thank you for lunch.\nRachel Green: What? Wait a minute, I didn't pay, I thought you paid!\nChandler Bing: So apparently we just don't pay for food anymore. Do you see what I see?\nRachel Green: Its still there!\nChandler Bing: Mrs. Braverman must be out.\nRachel Green: She could be out of town. Maybe she'll be gone for months.\nChandler Bing: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don't want her to come back to bad cheesecake.\nRachel Green: No that could kill her.\nChandler Bing: Well, we don't want that.\nRachel Green: No so we're protecting her.\nChandler Bing: But we should take it.\nRachel Green: But we should move quick.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRachel Green: Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.\nChandler Bing: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! That's David!\nMonica Geller: David who?\nPhoebe Buffay: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David!\nDavid: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you say someone's name enough, they turn around.\nDavid: Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: David! What-what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Russia?\nDavid: Yeah, I'm just, I'm just in town for a conference. Umm, God you look phenomenal!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well... Yeah. You look great too. Did you get a haircut?\nDavid: Yeah. Well I-I got like thirty of them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nDavid: Umm, look I-I-I got a confession to make...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nDavid: Uh, I-I-I was hoping to run into you here. I didn't know whether I should call or not, y'know I-I was only in town for a few days. And y'know, I didn't want to intrude on your life or-or anything like that, but I-I really wanted to see you and-but I didn't know if you wanted to see me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, of course I would want to see you. I...I think about you all the time.\nDavid: Really? Because I think about you all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nDavid: I mean, there's a statue in Minsk...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nDavid: That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-it's actually of Lenin. But, y'know at certain angles...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nDavid: Umm, anyway...Do you want to have dinner tonight?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Oh no!\nDavid: Oh. Uh, what?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't. I can't believe I have plans, I can't. Can you do it tomorrow night though?\nDavid: Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, y'know, next time you're in Minsk umm...\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.\nMonica Geller: So! He'll understand!\nPhoebe Buffay: No he won't. And that's not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now y'know what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I don't have my principles, I don't have anything!\nMonica Geller: God, you are so strong.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! That is so good!\nChandler Bing: I'm full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I'll regret it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you got there?\nRachel Green: Oh it's umm, it's tofu cake. Do you want some?\nChandler Bing: What are you doing tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh? Uh...\nChandler Bing: Dude! Dude!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Sorry. Uh, I've got those plans with Phoebe, why?\nChandler Bing: Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Tonight?!\nChandler Bing: That's what Monica said.\nJoey Tribbiani: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think she's trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!\nRoss Geller: Oh here, I think this is us. Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Limited seating my ass. Let's see who made the cut. Hi!\nThe Wedding Guest: Hi!\nMonica Geller: I'm Monica Gellar. Who do you know the bride and groom?\nThe Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.\nMonica Geller: Used to work with her. Used to! I'm a relative and I didn't get invited! A blood relative! Blood!!\nRoss Geller: Stop saying, \"Blood\" to strangers.\nMonica Geller: So, how about you huh? How do you know the happy couple?\nThe Second Guest: We went to college with both of them and now we live next door.\nMonica Geller: Okay, you're fine.\nThe Waiter: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nThe Waiter: Are you guys ready?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and water's fine.\nThe Waiter: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nThe Waiter: And for you sir?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talkin' here?\nThe Waiter: It's uh, it's already been roasted.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Joey, we've heard the specials three times! Okay? There's prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli.\nThe Waiter: Actually we're out of the lobster ravioli.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, that changes everything! Y'know what Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: You were right before. I mean, friends are so important.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm very wise. I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know-y'know what I really want?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is to have a long, long talk. Y'know? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.\nThe Waiter: Any progress?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.\nPhoebe Buffay: God Joey, this is taking forever!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the rush? What?\nPhoebe Buffay: W-w-I just-it's that-I have-y'know I have-I have an appointment. And it's very important.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, what is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well... It's a date.\nJoey Tribbiani: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldn't schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on Joey, don't make me feel badly about this.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm gonna!! That's right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin' out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, you're doing the same thing!\nPhoebe Buffay: That-It's not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, he's very special to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist too!\nPhoebe Buffay: She was?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, she graduated from high school!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, whatever. Y'know what? I don't have time have time to convince you because he's only here for four hours, and I'm gonna go see him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you still doin' here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nDavid: Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didn't think you were coming.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I wouldn't miss this.\nDavid: Well, I'm very glad you're here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're such a gentleman. Come on! We're going to my place!\nChandler Bing: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!\nRachel Green: Mm-mmm.\nChandler Bing: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!\nRachel Green: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? I don't trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and I'm takin' it back!\nRachel Green: What?! What?!\nChandler Bing: Oh yes!\nRachel Green: Wait a minute!\nChandler Bing: Oh yes!\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no you don't!\nChandler Bing: Oh yes! Oh yes!\nRachel Green: You think I trust you with it?! No! We're gonna split it! You take half and I take half!\nChandler Bing: Well that's not fair, you've already had some!\nRachel Green: What? Oh, well then y'know what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.\nChandler Bing: What do we use to split it?\nRachel Green: Okay! All right, pick a half.\nChandler Bing: Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh... There's more crust on this side. Y'know? So, maybe if I measured...\nRachel Green: Oh for God sake just pick a piece!\nChandler Bing: All right, I'll pick that one.\nRachel Green: That's also the smaller piece. Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and don't come crying to me if you eat your piece to fast. Oh!!!!\nChandler Bing: Ohhh!\nRachel Green: Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece.\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and don't come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my...\nThe Woman: Ross, sweetheart!\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey Aunt Millie.\nAunt Millie: Isn't it a beautiful wedding?!\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes it is. It's uh... Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!\nMonica Geller: Here's Frannie. Hmm, won't she be happy to see me?\nRoss Geller: Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn't bring you here so you can ambush her.\nMonica Geller: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to mom.\nRoss Geller: That bitch!\nFranny: Monica! What...\nMonica Geller: Am I doing here? Why? Surprised to see me? Ross brought me. How do you like that?!\nRoss Geller: Hi Frannie, congratulations.\nMonica Geller: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?! What-Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?! Stuart!\nFranny: I believe you know my husband.\nRoss Geller: So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done.\nDavid: Oh, I hate this but I-I-I have to go. I-I can't miss my flight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you sure? I'll bet there's another flight to Minsk in like...\nDavid: July. Umm,\nPhoebe Buffay: That's really beautiful. What does it mean?\nDavid: Please, clean my beakers. I don't get out of the lab much.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.\nDavid: Yeah, I... Well I really actually wanted to say umm, that, but um, I figured I probably shouldn't because y'know, I...have to leave.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're right! You're right. Don't say it.\nDavid: I-I do though.\nPhoebe Buffay: I do too.\nDavid: Bye Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, now's not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No Pheebs, I'm not gonna yell at you. I just y'know, started thinking about you and David and I...remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just... Oh Pheebs, come here. Are you okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: No I'm not okay. The only guy I've ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never...I may never see him again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know you could always visit him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, like they're gonna let me have a passport.\nJoey Tribbiani: Anything I can do? Whatever you need.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well-But-Now, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles y'know before he does, then he can come back.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can give it a shot.\nRachel Green: Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!\nChandler Bing: Stick to your side!\nRachel Green: Hey, come on now!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, what are we havin'?\nMonica Geller: Oh wait I forgot my wrap.\nRoss Geller: What? Oh, okay. Wait here.\nAunt Millie: Hi sweetie! Are you leaving?\nRoss Geller: Well...\nAunt Millie: Give us a kiss. Come on! Come on!\nRoss Geller: Why?! Why on the lips?!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Ross, when's this comet thing start?\nRoss Geller: Well, technically it seven billion years ago...\nEveryone: Oh no! Oh no!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! Fine, I'll stop! No teaching, okay? We'll just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. Okay? Who's official name is Bapstein-King.\nEveryone: Okay! Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: There it is! Oh, look at that! Isn't Mother Nature amazing?\nChandler Bing: That's a plane!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, all right. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high, that's pretty amazing too.\nTag Jones: Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here.\nRachel Green: No. No, you can't.\nTag Jones: What?\nRachel Green: Oh I don't-I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Man, look at all those stars! Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesn't it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what else makes you wonder?\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Check out the rack on this chick!\nMonica Geller: Okay, we've been out here for two hours and we haven't seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandler's getting chilly.\nChandler Bing: No, I'm not!\nJoey Tribbiani: Then why are you wearing Monica's jacket?\nChandler Bing: Because it's flattering! Come on Monica! Come on Monica!\nRachel Green: Yeah actually, I think we're gonna take off too. We rented a movie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I won't say, 'no' to a movie!\nRachel Green: Uh Pheebs, we just actually kinda wanted to be alone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Shh! Get me out of here.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross!\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come here, check this out!\nRoss Geller: What? Is it the comet?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No-no. Look, there's a bug stuck in tar right here.\nRoss Geller: Joey come-I can't believe-I bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of nature's most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, there's two women dude.\nRoss Geller: Show me where?\nJoey Tribbiani: Right-right up here.\nRoss Geller: Joey where's the pipe that was holding the door open?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! Yeah, I do.\nRoss Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! All right-Hey! Don't look at me! You're the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!\nRoss Geller: It's called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no! No! No!\nChandler Bing: Monica!\nMonica Geller: She's sleeping.\nChandler Bing: I know, just quick-quick question, quick question. Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon?\nMonica Geller: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up.\nChandler Bing: Sorry, I just...can't sleep. Ooh! Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover I'm like...\nMonica Geller: It is in the living room where there is also a light! And no one will kick you in the shin.\nChandler Bing: What?! Ow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Please don't be a space ship. Please don't be a space ship. Oh thank God! How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can...\nSmoke Detector: Beep!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't interrupt me!!\nRoss Geller: Rachel!! Monica!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right well, y'know...I guess we know what we have to do to get down.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I guess we don't have a choice. Help us! Please help us! We're stuck up on the roof and we can't get down!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape.\nRoss Geller: I know, I wasn't finished. But don't worry! We're gonna go down the fire escape!!\nChandler Bing: Shhhhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry, I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep.\nMonica Geller: With a wok? I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.\nChandler Bing: It got interesting! Damn you Oprah!\nMonica Geller: Here, let me make the milk, I'm up anyway.\nChandler Bing: Hey, y'know what we can do? Y'know, now that we are up? We can just like talk to each other all night long, y'know like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun!\nMonica Geller: Okay that does sound like fun.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?\nMonica Geller: The second sister dies?!\nChandler Bing: No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading.\nMonica Geller: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?\nChandler Bing: That's correct.\nRachel Green: You wanna go in the bedroom? It's a little more comfortable.\nTag Jones: Sure.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh wait! Umm, did you send those contracts to Milan?\nTag Jones: If this is your idea of sexy talk?\nRachel Green: No seriously, y'know the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them?\nTag Jones: What contracts?\nRachel Green: Okay please tell me that this is just one of your jokes that you do that I don't get.\nTag Jones: Like what?\nRachel Green: Y'know, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? Tag! I'm serious! This isn't funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!\nTag Jones: Rach, I'm sorry, but you didn't give me any contracts!\nRachel Green: Yes I did! And I put a little Post-It on it that said, \"Must go out today,\" and underlined today three times and, and then I put a little heart in the corner because I didn't want to seem to bossy.\nTag Jones: I'm telling you, you never gave them to me.\nRachel Green: Y'know what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk.\nTag Jones: No, I would see you looking embarrassed because they are not on my desk!\nRachel Green: Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch!\nTag Jones: You wanna go down to the office right now?\nRachel Green: No! Come on its late, we're not gonna go down to the office.\nTag Jones: Okay I understand. I wouldn't want to be proved wrong either.\nRachel Green: Okay get your coat! Oh! When did you unhook this? Nice work!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, it won't go down any further. It's stuck.\nRoss Geller: Ugh. Well, we're just gonna have to jump. Yeah. Now, we're gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there...you go up to the roof and you let me in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh whoa-whoa wait a minute! I have to do it?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Oh yeah, you'll be fine! It-it'll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Y'know? But instead of bouncing back up you-you won't.\nJoey Tribbiani: What if I smack my head on the concrete?\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm gonna lie to you Joey, it's a possibility.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know Ross! I-I tell you what, let's flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?\nRoss Geller: Oh, all right. Tails! Can you-can you see what it is?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Well, you be careful.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! I'm not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I can't go if I break my leg.\nRoss Geller: Well I'm jumping! I have a son! Okay? He won't have a father if-if I die!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well all right so, it looks like we're even!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do... Well done, Pheebs. What do you want from me?!!!!!!!\nMonica Geller: Okay, here's your milk. What do you want to talk about?\nChandler Bing: What? What? What?\nMonica Geller: Ohh! Ohhhh! Were you sleeping sweetie? I'm sorry. Here.\nTag Jones: Okay! Feel free to look, but I'm telling you those contracts are not on this desk.\nRachel Green: Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what I'm talking about! You have to be organized! You've got newspapers! You've got magazines! You got-Ohh! And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever.\nTag Jones: It's my sister.\nRachel Green: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway y'know what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk.\nTag Jones: So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon?\nRachel Green: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it that said, \"Must go out today.\" So you just keep looking in there! All right?\nTag Jones: It's not here.\nRachel Green: Puzzler. A bit of a puzzle. Why don't you um, check the copy room, maybe you left the contracts in there?\nTag Jones: How could I have left them in the copy room?\nRachel Green: I don't know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? It's not a perfect world! Just go please.\nTag Jones: Fine.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Hello? I still don't get it.\nMonica Geller: Are you still awake?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! You?\nMonica Geller: You do know that was me who just said that right? Hey. As long as we're both up...\nChandler Bing: Yeah? I hope you're not thinking about cleaning the living room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I'm starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! \"Do you want soup or salad?\" Both! Always order both!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, y'know I'm lookin' and I don't think anyone's home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and y'know explain later.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? Really? No one's home?\nRoss Geller: I don't think so. Hello? When you get in there...\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this is where you and I part ways. Noisy bitch!\nMonica Geller: What?! What are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: Do you know what just happened?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. We-we had sex and then we fell asleep.\nChandler Bing: No. We were in the middle of sex...and you fell asleep.\nMonica Geller: Nooo! No, that's not true. No, best time ever! Yeah, you rocked me world!\nChandler Bing: Monica?\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: I was giving you some of my best moves, and you missed it. So please wake up so we can do it right!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Okay, I'm ready. Come on big fella!\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Give me the good stuff.\nChandler Bing: Yeah! No! No! No! Don't fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. And I probably won't spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm up! I'm up!\nRachel Green: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh... ...fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?\nTag Jones: Still no luck.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Did you check your entire desk! Did you check all the drawers!\nTag Jones: Do you want me to check again?\nRachel Green: Well yeah, I wish that you would. Well, no it's not in there! How about that drawer?\nTag Jones: Well, it's not out here. Is there any chance it could be in your office?\nRachel Green: Y'know, I don't-I don't know. Let me, let me check.\nTag Jones: Any luck?\nRachel Green: Can I see you in my office for a minute?\nTag Jones: Yeah? You found them!! Y'know what? I'm not even going to gloat. I'm just really relived this whole thing is over.\nRachel Green: You put these on my desk!\nTag Jones: I did not!\nRachel Green: Oh really? So you're saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?!\nTag Jones: How did you know they were in my bottom drawer?\nRachel Green: I am so hot for you right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! How did you get back here?!\nA Disembodied Voice: Phoebe Buffay?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fire alarm? Oh! Hi, officer-fireman, can-can I help you?\nThe Fireman: We found your fire alarm in the trash chute.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not mine.\nThe Fireman: Yes it is.\nPhoebe Buffay: How do you know?\nThe Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, don't wrap it in a blanket that says, \"Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay do you-Okay, do you have a search warrant? Because the last time I checked this was still America!\nThe Fireman: Please reattach this, it's against the law to disconnect them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off!\nThe Fireman: There's a reset button under the plastic cover.\nPhoebe Buffay: There's a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! There's a reset button! My God! Why didn't I see that! Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? Oh here it is! Oh! Ohh, God!\nRoss Geller: Okay, do-do you have a good grip?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'm going to start climb down you now.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Just hurry up!\nRoss Geller: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think face to face.\nRoss Geller: I would say that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Face to face, yeah!\nRoss Geller: Okay, here I go.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?!\nRoss Geller: I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through.\nRoss Geller: So what do you want me to do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, just shimmy down me and drop!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nRoss Geller: M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah? Maybe we should talk about that for a little while!\nRoss Geller: It's still looks pretty far!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not that far! Just drop!\nRoss Geller: Do not rush me!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin' to come down and I'm not wearing any underwear!\nRoss Geller: Oww!! My ankle! I really hurt my ankle! I think I twisted it when I-Ooh, a quarter!\nMonica Geller: That really was some of your best work.\nChandler Bing: Hm-hmm, I told you! I can't believe that I've only got two hours before I call in sick for work.\nMonica Geller: I have to be up in seven minutes.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're not gonna believe this, but if you have seven minutes...\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Do you wanna?\nMonica Geller: Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and I'll get the furniture polish!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing?\nRachel Green: Well, y'know I was thinking of moving the couch over here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would you want to do that?\nRachel Green: So that there will be a decent place for me to sit.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, there is a decent place to...\nRachel Green: And your lap does not count! Okay? Come on help me move this.\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No. No.\nRachel Green: No?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Rosita does not move.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, Rosita? As in...\nJoey Tribbiani: As in Rosita does not move.\nRachel Green: Joey, it's just a chair! What's the big deal?\nJoey Tribbiani: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and it's at the perfect angle so you don't get any glare coming of off Stevie.\nRachel Green: Stevie the TV?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is there a problem?\nRachel Green: No! Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! You bitch!\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know what's weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you're gonna have to say, \"This is my brother-in-law Ross.\" Not, \"My friend Ross,\" \"brother-in-law Ross.\" That's weird isn't it?\nChandler Bing: Couldn't I just say, \"This is Ross?\"\nRoss Geller: Sure, do whatever you want.\nMonica Geller: Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section...\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Look at this.\nRoss Geller: Oh, it looks like mom and dad's house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is...Oh my God!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe mom and dad are selling the house!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe they-they didn't even tell us!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe I still don't know what happened to the window in the attic!\nRoss Geller: Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! Yes we're surprised! Who did you leave a message with?\nChandler Bing: Sorry!\nRachel Green: Joey, Joey I am so sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said don't, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?\nRachel Green: Okay, come on-Joey, I'll buy you a new one! All right? We'll go down to the store right now and we'll-we'll get you a new chair.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's not even cold yet!\nRachel Green: But don't you think Rosita would've wanted you to move on? I mean y'know, she did always put...your comfort first.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's true.\nRachel Green: Okay? You ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I... I don't want Stevie to see her like this.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some stranger's gonna be living in my room.\nMonica Geller: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, it's time the velvet ropes came down.\nRoss Geller: They kept your room for a while.\nMonica Geller: Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of Victoria's Secret catalogues, not a gym!\nRoss Geller: Come on, you know they love you.\nMonica Geller: As much as they love you?\nRoss Geller: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! It's not my fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh, I hate this year!\nRoss Geller: What's wrong with this year?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well okay, it's already February and I've only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!\nMonica Geller: That was me and Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's right!\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's a great idea. You're really good on the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Y'know, I probably wouldn't have to say spank as much.\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, like you never called!\nSupervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.\nSupervisor: Why don't we do a trial run.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay. Umm, all right. Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?\nSupervisor: I'm the supply manager.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.\nSupervisor: We don't need any toner.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay, well I'm sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. Yeah you're right, this is easy.\nSupervisor: Okay, what was wrong with that call?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, all right...um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.\nSupervisor: They're always going to tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nSupervisor: So, I think you're ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?\nChandler Bing: Joey! Joe! Full bag. Beer's still cold. Something terrible must've happened here! Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! Stevie, I was never here!\nRoss Geller: Dad?\nJack Geller: I'm here!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJack Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.\nRoss Geller: Dad, we-we can't believe you're selling the house.\nJack Geller: Well, it's time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.\nRoss Geller: Let's grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.\nJack Geller: I'm sorry we can't store your childhood things anymore.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's okay, I can't wait to see everything again! All of the memories...\nJack Geller: Well, I don't know what's in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.\nMonica Geller: I used to love to play restaurant.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.\nMonica Geller: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies!\nJack Geller: So, I think you're boxes are over here.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Great! Wait, dad who-who's cigarettes are these?\nJack Geller: I don't know. They-they must be your mother's, but please, please don't ask her. I'll throw these away.\nRoss Geller: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym... Oooh, my rock polisher!\nJack Geller: Oh look, look there's your old makeup kit!\nRoss Geller: It's a clown kit! Clown kit!\nJack Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJack Geller: Y'know how the garage floods every Spring?\nRoss Geller: How are you ever going to sell this place?\nJack Geller: I think I accidentally used Monica's boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.\nRoss Geller: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What... Oh God...everything's ruined! Dad, she's gonna be crushed!\nJack Geller: You don't secretly smoke do you?\nRoss Geller: No!\nJack Geller: So it's just your mother then.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? Earl, thanks. Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.\nEarl: I don't need any toner.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.\nEarl: Not me.\nPhoebe Buffay: May I ask why?\nEarl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?\nPhoebe Buffay: I surely do!\nEarl: Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, is-is that because you're out of toner?\nEarl: Okay, so...no toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no wait-wait! I can't just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.\nEarl: Well...I Only Have One Thing To Do Today. I guess I could push it back.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?\nEarl: It's just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler?\nEarl: I-I'm sorry?\nPhoebe Buffay: No look, I-I'm sure that people know you exist!\nEarl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. I've been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no one's even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. Hey everybody! Uh, I'm gonna kill myself! I'll get back to ya. I got nothing. Wait. Uh, hey Marge! Ehh, nothing. Nothing.\nChandler Bing: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita!\nRachel Green: You will like it!\nJoey Tribbiani: No I won't.\nRachel Green: You don't even know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Because, I know what I like and what I don't like! It's not the same thing!\nRachel Green: Well look, if you don't like this...\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know why you say that so soon.\nRachel Green: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, y'know what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.\nJoey Tribbiani: Francette? What is she? A couch?\nJoey Tribbiani: Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.\nRachel Green: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Y'know, start the heeling process?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I guess you're right. Maybe, maybe I'll take her down to the incinerator. It's gonna be so said, and kinda cool. She's heeled!\nRachel Green: That's weird.\nJoey Tribbiani: No it's not weird, it's a miracle!\nRachel Green: It's not a miracle Joey! I'm sure there's some explanation.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh there is! If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous things can happen!\nRachel Green: Joey, I really don't...\nJoey Tribbiani: Can you tell me how this happened?\nRachel Green: Well no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Miracle!\nRachel Green: No, y'know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!\nJoey Tribbiani: Someone like an...angel?\nRachel Green: That's right Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get your non-believer ass outta my chair!\nJack Geller: Well, she'll understand right? It's not like I did it on purpose.\nRoss Geller: Dad that won't matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.\nJack Geller: Oh my God, does she really thinks that?\nRoss Geller: Well, can you blame her?\nJack Geller: Well I don't know, I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could...\nRoss Geller: Dad, dad I don't want to hear about it.\nJack Geller: Really?\nRoss Geller: Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, we're gonna give her some! Okay, grab...grab some empty boxes. Okay? We'll-we'll take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers we'll-we'll put 'em in their.\nJack Geller: Great!\nRoss Geller: Like uh y'know like this! This! She-she could've made this!\nJack Geller: Sure!\nRoss Geller: Right? And this! She-she could've won this!\nJack Geller: This could've been hers!\nRoss Geller: Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?\nJack Geller: Your make-up kit? I'd feel better.\nRachel Green: I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, me too.\nRachel Green: Hey, how's...how's the uh, miracle chair?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine.\nRachel Green: Yeah? Wow! Y'know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!\nJoey Tribbiani: My chair heels itself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Earl, you're not hearing me! All I'm saying is that you're not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with!\nGuy: Hey guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.\nEarl: No! That's just the \"Hey Guy\" guy. He says that to everybody! He's the worst! I'd like to take him with me!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right so Earl, let's just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-there's gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?\nEarl: Yeah! Right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh sorry, boyfriend!\nEarl: Oh no.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, whatever! Anything!\nThe \"Hey Guy\" Guy: Hey guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, he's gotta go.\nEarl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! I'm not finished yet! Don't! Don't you dare hang up on me!!!\nSupervisor: The new girl's good.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys! Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I just whipped us up some Easy Bake treats, they should be ready in about three days.\nJack Geller: That's a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Yeah! Oh, this will make a great memory.\nMonica Geller: Okay. So, which boxes are mine?\nRoss Geller: Well, these. These are yours right here.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Oh! A coloring book!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.\nMonica Geller: Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.\nRoss Geller: Nu-uh!\nMonica Geller: Oh, an old glove?\nJack Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.\nMonica Geller: Wow! Look At This! I Can'T Believe I Even Fit Into This Shirt! Oh, this is yours.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I don't know how that got in there.\nMonica Geller: This isn't mine. Hey, this isn't, this isn't my stuff! Ugh, Ross! These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?\nRoss Geller: Umm, your boxes are umm...\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: Dad?\nJack Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: Just mine?\nJack Geller: I'm afraid so.\nMonica Geller: So why-why wasn't Ross's stuff ruined? And if you say the words medical marvel I'm going to Easy Bake your head!\nJack Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.\nMonica Geller: So wait, Ross's stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!\nJack Geller: There was also leaves and guk and stuff.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this!\nJack Geller: Screw it! I'm having one.\nRachel Green: Hey Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRachel Green: How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'd love to but I've tried that so many times they won't even let me in the store anymore.\nRachel Green: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?\nChandler Bing: Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?\nRachel Green: I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000.\nChandler Bing: That's awesome! That's great! What made you do it?!\nRachel Green: Well, it's a long story, but umm I broke Joey's chair...\nChandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa! You broke Joey's chair?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: I thought I broke Joey's chair! That's why I replaced it with mine!\nRachel Green: Ohhhhh. That's how it got fixed!\nChandler Bing: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?\nRachel Green: Noo! Angels.\nChandler Bing: I'm gettin' my chair back!\nRachel Green: What? Wh-hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it looks like it wasn't heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now!\nChandler Bing: Joey you broke my chair!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Your chair?!\nRachel Green: Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs!\nJoey Tribbiani: So, there was no miracle?!\nRachel Green: No Joe, no miracle.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. I'm so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh! Nice try, but you don't get that chair anymore! All right? That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! No I take that back!\nChandler Bing: I think I should get the chair!\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you figure?\nChandler Bing: Because you broke a chair and you broke a chair! The only one around here that hasn't broke a chair, is me!\nRachel Green: No-no-no! This chair's not going anywhere.\nChandler Bing: Well, where's the logic in that?!\nRachel Green: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!\nChandler Bing: So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right!\nChandler Bing: What are you guys? Like a gang or something?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! We are!\nRachel Green: We're the Cobras!\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? He's the supply manager around here.\nMarge: Sorry, I don't know any Earl.\nEarl: I'm right here!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Earl! I'm Phoebe.\nEarl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, look it, you-you can't kill yourself.\nEarl: Look, um I really appreciate your coming down...\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no I can't! I can't let you do it!\nEarl: Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because it was fate that made me call you today!\nEarl: I thought it was toner.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Think about it okay? This isn't even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, you're my first call! And-and somebody else might've hung up on you, but I wouldn't do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.\nEarl: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nEarl: How?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not gonna give you tips! Look don't you see that this-this...this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.\nEarl: Couldn't it just be a coincidence?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's fate!\nEarl: It doesn't really seem like enough to be fate.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Well umm, okay here's a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.\nEarl: I'm actually the office manager.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.\nEarl: Well, was there anything else?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! Umm, where are you from?\nEarl: Philadelphia.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, I've got-I've got goose bumps.\nEarl: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, y'know I'm wearing layers and it's warm.\nEarl: Yeah-yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: But if-no look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!\nEarl: Did you hear that?! I don't need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! I really wished they'd care just a little bit though.\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, I don't-I don't think it's you. This is a freaky place. Hey! Guys! Oh no, it's you.\nEarl: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I don't even know what it is! Ohh, it's still soft. What do you think this is?\nRoss Geller: All right. I think it was a mouse.\nJack Geller: How are you honey?\nMonica Geller: How do you think I am?! You've wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!\nJack Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'd probably never be able to make it up to you, but here's a start.\nMonica Geller: What's this?\nJack Geller: It's the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: What?!!!\nJack Geller: I've been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother's right, I do look like an ass.\nMonica Geller: Wait, you're giving me your Porsche, you're kidding me right?!\nRoss Geller: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!\nJack Geller: Why don't we take it for a spin?\nMonica Geller: All right!\nRoss Geller: Well, what about me?! I'm a medical marvel!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.\nRachel Green: Ahhhh...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh... Eh?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Do you guys know what happened to Chandler's barca lounger?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.\nMonica Geller: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca lounger's gone?! This is the best day ever!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Happy birthday!!!\nMonica Geller: Happy birthday!!!\nEveryone: Rach! Come on! Rach!\nMonica Geller: It's your birthday!\nTag Jones: Hey.\nChandler Bing: She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29.\nTag Jones: Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you don't use the words old or downhill or they still look pretty damn good.\nJoey Tribbiani: They do!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel! Come on out! Monica made breakfast!\nMonica Geller: Chocolate-chip pancakes!\nRoss Geller: We've got presents!\nRachel Green: Good ones?\nMonica Geller: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.\nRachel Green: Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Rach! Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.\nRoss Geller: Oh really. Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!!\nRachel Green: Y'know, I'm still 29 in Guam.\nRoss Geller: Hey, 30 is not that old! Do you know how old the Earth is?\nRachel Green: Late thirties? Oh come on you guys! Is it just me? Am I overreacting to this?\nChandler Bing: No Rach, it's not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasn't that much fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: And now Chandler! We're all gettin' so old! Why are you doing this to us?!\nMonica Geller: Rach, you're in a great place in your life. Come on, you've got a great job! Good friends...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're roommate is a soap opera star.\nRachel Green: Look, y'know I know my life's going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people who've accomplished so many other goals by the time they're thirty.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me.\nEveryone: Come on Phoebe! You can do it Phoebe! Come on!\nRachel Green: There you go!\nPhoebe Buffay: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! That's it!! That's everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean.\nRachel Green: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!\nTag Jones: Come on, let's have some fun. Huh? What do you want to do today?\nRachel Green: Nothing. I don't want to do anything.\nMonica Geller: Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hey! That was a practical purchase! I needed that car for transportation! Okay? I-I have a child!\nRoss Geller: How hot do I look in this, huh?!\nChandler Bing: Ross, a sports car? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to just stuff a sock down there?\nRoss Geller: That's not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what's the horsepower on this thing?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, but-but look how shiny!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you bought this.\nRachel Green: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? I know it's really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well get in line missy. So, can I have a ride stud?\nRoss Geller: Hop in. Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life.\nRoss Geller: Damnit!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, who's next?\nRachel Green: Y'know what? I am going to do something today. I'm not just gonna sit around like some old lady. I'm gonna get something pierced. Like my uh, like my nose or my tongue or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! 'Cause y'know that hurts.\nRachel Green: So what?! Y'know what? The way I see it-Ow! Son of a bitch!!\nTag Jones: Look Rachel, I know what you're going through. I'm totally freaked about turning 25.\nRachel Green: Get out, get out of my apartment.\nMonica Geller: All right Rach, for what it's worth, I think that you're doing great. I mean y'know let's face it, no one handles this well.\nPhoebe Buffay: Least of all you.\nTag Jones: Why? What you'd do?\nMonica Geller: Weren't you asked to leave sonny?\nChandler Bing: Would you put that back on?! Monica's gonna be here any minute!\nJoey Tribbiani: But it hurt's my Joey's Apple.\nChandler Bing: Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.\nJudy Geller: You've done a wonderful job with this party Chandler. Everything looks so lovely.\nChandler Bing: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I can't believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! And you! I can't believe that you would have a tux that's thirty years old!\nJack Geller: It's older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.\nChandler Bing: Ohh!\nRachel Green: Hey! Everybody hide! Hide! I saw her! She's coming!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Everybody down! Everybody down!\nJack Geller: Crap.\nChandler Bing: Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out what's going on.\nMonica Geller: Heyyy!! You got the door open!!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey are you drunk?\nMonica Geller: Nooo! Okay. Whoa! Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning thirty. So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. I wanna puke on you later!\nChandler Bing: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!\nMonica Geller: Noo!!!\nChandler Bing: Yes!\nMonica Geller: Noo!!\nChandler Bing: Yes!!\nMonica Geller: Oh no! My parents have never seen me drunk! That they know of.\nChandler Bing: Okay, here's the thing. We're gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that you're drunk.\nMonica Geller: Really?! You promise?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'll take care of it.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I love you so much.\nChandler Bing: Okay we have to do something about your breath.\nMonica Geller: What about your breath?!\nChandler Bing: That's still yours. Okay, now remember it's a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I can do that.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nEveryone: Surprise!!!\nRoss Geller: Okay, forward. Forward-Stop! Okay, back-Stop! Okay, forward-Stop! Stop! Stop!\nMonica Geller: Ross, just forget about it. This guy's got you totally wedged in.\nWoman: Is this yours?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well actually...\nRoss Geller: No-no-no! It's mine! It's-it's mine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you soooo need this car.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Okay, I'm gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. Haul ass!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! It's for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!\nUrsula Buffay: Right, why do you keep saying that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because it's our thirtieth birthday.\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, no we're not thirty. We're 31. Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait!\nUrsula Buffay: Oh, it's you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. What?!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, we're not thirty, we're 31.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nu-uh!\nUrsula Buffay: Yea-huh! That's what is says on my birth certificate.\nPhoebe Buffay: You have your birth certificate?\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.\nPhoebe Buffay: Our mom.\nUrsula Buffay: Right! Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you have my birth certificate?\nUrsula Buffay: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Oh my God, we are 31.\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just lost a whole year of my life.\nUrsula Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Your middle name is Pamela?\nUrsula Buffay: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is?\nUrsula Buffay: Yes! Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's my first name.\nUrsula Buffay: Right, okay, then no.\nChandler Bing: Okay before we start the celebration, Monica has to go put on her party dress.\nMonica Geller: Yay!\nChandler Bing: See? Here we go.\nJack Geller: Happy birthday, sweetie! Give us a hug!\nJudy Geller: Don't get up Jack! The safety pins are about to blow.\nMonica Geller: Paul!\nChandler Bing: Phil.\nMonica Geller: Phil!\nChandler Bing: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. Okay, you're doing great. You're doing great. You're doing fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, what's going on?\nChandler Bing: Monica's a little drunk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay! I love drunk Monica!\nMonica Geller: Awwwww...\nChandler Bing: Go change! She doesn't want her parents to know she's drunk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! All right! All right. Here's what we'll do, I'll get twice as drunk as Monica and then no one's will even notice her.\nRachel Green: What's-what's going on? Phil's really pissed!\nChandler Bing: Monica's wasted.\nRoss Geller: Maybe that will liven up this party.\nChandler Bing: Okay, will you just go help her change please!\nRachel Green: Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep.\nTag Jones: This one's from me.\nRachel Green: Ahh!\nTag Jones: It wasn't on your list, but hopefully you'll think it's really fun.\nRachel Green: A scooter!\nRoss Geller: Stick to the list. Always stick to the list.\nRachel Green: No! No-no, I love it. Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Okay, open ours next. Open ours next!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now that you're a couple, we don't get two presents from you guys?\nChandler Bing: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! Okay, read the card! Read the card!\nRachel Green: Okay. Happy birthday Grandma! It's better to be over the hill then buried under it. All our love Monica and Chandler. That's funny, yeah!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!\nRachel Green: No, I know! I get it! It's funny!\nChandler Bing: No, because you're not a grandmother!\nRachel Green: No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I don't have any of those things. That's why it's so funny.\nMonica Geller: All you had to do was buy the card!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Look who's back! It's the birthday girl! How's the birthday girl feeling?\nRachel Green: Well, I feel fine, but I think you're bumming out the rest of the kids.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Okay! Y'know what? I realized it was stupid to get upset about not having a husband and kids. All I really needed was a plan. See I wanna have three kids...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.\nRachel Green: As I was saying... I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time I'm 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!\nPhoebe Buffay: If you could do that, I'd marry the hippity-hop.\nRachel Green: So, if I wanna have my kid when I'm 35, I don't have to get pregnant until I'm 34. Which gives Prada four years to start making maternity clothes! Oh wait, but I do want to be married for a year before I get pregnant...\nMonica Geller: Really! That long?! Look all you want, it's happening!\nRachel Green: No, so I don't have to get married until I'm 33! That's three years, that's three whole years-Oh, wait a minute though. I'll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I'd like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged... Which means I need to meet the guy by the time I'm thirty.\nRoss Geller: Which is fine! Because you just turned-twenty-eight!\nRachel Green: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you quit hoggin' it!\nRachel Green: I'm telling you it's like watching Bambi learn how to walk.\nRoss Geller: You're drunk! Mom and dad are gonna be maaaaadd! Maybe I'm a little drunk.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? There we go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Are those crab cakes? Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?\nChandler Bing: How are you feeling?\nMonica Geller: You are so handsome! I wanna make love to you right here, right now!\nRoss Geller: I really wish that you wouldn't.\nChandler Bing: Now all you have to do is just get through a little bit more, okay? Then we can put you in bed, okay? Just smile and don't talk to anyone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Speech! Speech! Let's hear from the birthday girl! Huh?\nChandler Bing: Pheebs!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't you see? Everyone's looking at me! The plan's working! I didn't even have to take off my top yet!\nJudy Geller: Speech! Come on Monica!\nRoss Geller: Come on!\nEveryone: Come on! Speech!\nJack Geller: Hey Chandler, you can't keep your hands off her for one second!\nJudy Geller: Oh-ho, I think it's nice.\nChandler Bing: I think it's necessary.\nMonica Geller: I-I-I wanna thank you all for coming. My family and my friends...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wooo!! Hoo!!\nMonica Geller: I really like to say that I'm-um... Y'know what I'd really like to say? I'm drunk!! That's right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! And guess what! I've been drunk before! And I've smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! It's all okay. It's okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay quick, help me get this off!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I lost a whole year! I can't believe it! This is so unfair!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't know Pheebs. It'll be okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Will it? Will it?! I mean, how would you feel if you found out you were 31?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not gonna happen. No. Because we have a new deal!\nPhoebe Buffay: Plus, it totally ruined my schedule! I...I haven't done any of the things I wanted to do by the time I was 31!\nJoey Tribbiani: Like what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Like okay I-I-I, I haven't met any Portuguese people! I, I haven't had the perfect kiss! And I haven't been to sniper's school!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, y'know why don't we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I just feel like being by myself for a while. All right? I'll see you guys later. Thanks.\nRachel Green: Hey. Oh, poor Pheebs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know what you guys? I think I'm gonna go walk her home.\nMonica Geller: Oh man!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: He's gonna eat the cake!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs! Wait up! Listen uh, close your eyes. Maybe that's one thing you can cross off your list.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, and plus I'm 1/16th Portuguese.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Okay, is everybody clear? We're gonna pick it up...and move it. Now all we need is teamwork, okay? We're gonna lift the car...and slide it out. Lift and slide!\nRachel Green: Ross, I really don't think...\nRoss Geller: Lift!! And slide!\nChandler Bing: Okay, here we go.\nRoss Geller: All right everyone, lift! And slide!!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, can I...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, come on Rach! My turn just started!\nRachel Green: Actually, I just wanna talk to Tag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Okay. Hey, can I ride this outside?\nRachel Green: Whatever! Okay, I'm not your mother.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nRachel Green: Not in the street!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nTag Jones: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nTag Jones: How are you doing? Are you feeling any better?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm doing okay. I'm um...let's talk.\nTag Jones: Okay.\nRachel Green: Umm...\nTag Jones: What's up?\nRachel Green: Ohh Tag, umm...you're such a great guy and we have sooo much fun together but I don't-I don't...\nTag Jones: Wait! I think I see where you're going, but before you say anything else, can I just say one more thing?\nRachel Green: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think I'm past the point where I think I can y'know, just have fun.\nTag Jones: Rachel, don't do this. This is just because you're turning thirty.\nRachel Green: Yeah, it is! But you're just a kid! I mean you're 25!\nTag Jones: Twenty-four actually.\nRachel Green: Oh God! Y'know what I wish? I wish you were six years older. Well actually, if I'm wishin' for stuff, I actually wish I was six years younger.\nTag Jones: Me too.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Hey! How'd it go?\nRachel Green: Oh, if I only want two kids, can I keep him for another year?\nPhoebe Buffay: You did the right thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't like this anymore.\nChandler Bing: Well, here we are, just a bunch of thirty year olds.\nRoss Geller: God, do you realize in ten years we're gonna be 40?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?!\nRoss Geller: Yes! My baby's finally free!\nJoey Tribbiani: All-all right! Start it up! Let's go!\nRoss Geller: Woohoo!\nThe Man In The Sportscar: How hot are we?\nRoss Geller: You wanna buy a car?\nJoey Tribbiani: No."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: I'm glad you're here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony.\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nRoss Geller: What's the matter? You okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it's just y'know...\nChandler Bing: Monica said wedding.\nMonica Geller: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony.\nRachel Green: Oh! I would love to read a poem.\nChandler Bing: Do you think you could get through a poem?\nRachel Green: It'll be a short one.\nMonica Geller: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.\nRachel Green: Ohhh...\nRoss Geller: Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess I could do that too.\nChandler Bing: Too?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys.\nMonica Geller: Do you mind telling us what it is?\nRoss Geller: Sorry, I'm kinda keeping this one on the Q.T.\nChandler Bing: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and...\nMonica Geller: What is DOOL?\nJoey Tribbiani: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!!\nEveryone: Oh!!\nChandler Bing: That's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: And-and-and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!!\nChandler Bing: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!\nRachel Green: Wait, what do you mean you're getting a new brain?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, they're killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.\nRoss Geller: What? A brain transplant?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, it's a highly controversial procedure.\nRoss Geller: It's ridiculous!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had sex in three and a half months.\nRoss Geller: It's winter, they are fewer people on the street.\nMonica Geller: Who are they killing off?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh Cecilia Monroe, she plays Jessica Lockhart.\nMonica Geller: She's my favorite character on DOOL.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice.\nRachel Green: She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces, I mean I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage.\nMonica Geller: And the way she slaps all the time!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nMonica Geller: Wouldn't you love to do it just once?!\nChandler Bing: Don't do it.\nRachel Green: Cecilia Monroe man, what a great actress.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, tell me about it. And she's been on the show forever, it's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.\nRoss Geller: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the \"brain transplant,\" you are going to be her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, but in Drake Remoray's body. Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay?\nRachel Green: Well, I'd have to say gay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? Why?\nRachel Green: Well mainly because he's kissing that other guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no not that guy there. That guy right there.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah he's too cute to be straight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh knockers will help us figure it out.\nRachel Green: All right, straight, and not subtle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, he left his cell phone.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or we could use it to call China. See how those guys are doing.\nRachel Green: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fell in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone.\nRachel Green: What? Wait! Why...why do you get the story?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, you had a date three days ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: That wasn't a date! That was, that was just friends getting together... having sex.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago.\nRachel Green: Yeah! And until now, I didn't think I'd love again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nice try.\nRachel Green: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know.\nRachel Green: Well umm, maybe we could uhh... Ah-ha! Too slow!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah-ha! Too cocky!\nDina: I'm going to keep dating him Mother, and there's nothing you can do about it!\nJessica Lockhart: Oh yes there is!\nDina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?!\nJessica Lockhart: That was an accident! And so were you.\nDina: Well, at least I'm not a murderer!\nJessica Lockhart: Oh, my baby!\nThe Director: Cut!\nJoey Tribbiani: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that?\nCecilia: Oh, just years of experience.\nDina: Can I get some ice here?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are.\nCecilia: You're not the fan who's dying are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Say what?\nCecilia: I'm supposed to meet and hug a fan whose dying, but that's not supposed to be until later!\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No, I'm Joey Tribbiani; we did a scene together yesterday. I-I'm the guy in the coma!\nCecilia: Oh that was a real person?!\nJoey Tribbiani: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me...\nCecilia: I-I-I'm leaving the show?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. Why? Did you hear something?\nCecilia: Who told you that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, one of the writers.\nCecilia: Which one? Was it bald or was it tall?\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm...\nCecilia: Y'know what? It doesn't matter! Because it is not true!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nCecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that I've been playing for 20 years-I'll give you a tip!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ms. Monroe... Oh there you go.\nRachel Green: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; that's not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why don't we, why don't we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone.\nRachel Green: I don't think so.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine all right, but I'd bet you'd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.\nRachel Green: All right, first name on the speed dial is mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, I lost my mom to suicide.\nRachel Green: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin.\nPhoebe Buffay: Did I use that already today? I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Yes okay. Well now see this isn't telling us anything. Joe. Carlos. Peter. Ooh! Peter Luger! T hat's a steak house!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, that's one for you.\nRachel Green: Oh, I win! He's got Barney's on his speed dial.\nPhoebe Buffay: So you don't know that's Barney's the store! That can be y'know his friend's house, or a bar. Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial?\nRachel Green: His new girlfriend!\nMonica Geller: What is that?\nChandler Bing: I think it's the dying cat parade.\nMonica Geller: It sounds like it's coming from across the street.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Y'know that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, \"You're half Scottish right?\"\nMonica Geller: Nooo!!\nChandler Bing: Yes!!\nMonica Geller: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!\nChandler Bing: Why is your family Ross?!\nMonica Geller: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! It's not even a song!\nChandler Bing: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.\nRachel Green: Hi Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRachel Green: How are ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: Good.\nRachel Green: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guy's cell phone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nRachel Green: And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, now you lost me.\nRachel Green: You stole the phone!\nPhoebe Buffay: No I didn't!\nRachel Green: No? So you're saying that if I called it, it wouldn't ring?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRachel Green: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. Oh, it does work!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: That is a different phone.\nRachel Green: Oh is it?! Uhh, hello? Yes hi, is Rachel there? Yes she is, just one moment please. It's for me!\nPhoebe Buffay: That is damning evidence.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I bet that's him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh Hello? Or should I be Hi! It's Rach... Would you stop doing that?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello? Yes, I'm the one who found your phone.\nRachel Green: Phoebe! You can't do th...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh! I'm on a call! Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. It's umm, it's umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe y'know after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. Okay, well okay I'll see you then. Bye.\nRachel Green: You do know that I will be here when he comes over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over?\nRachel Green: You just said it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just...be alone y'know to think about my mom and her suicide.\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! That's the first time today!\nRachel Green: Ohh!\nJoey Tribbiani: So you like the nachos uh? Myself I'm partial to...\nDina: I'm 16.\nJoey Tribbiani: See you in 2003.\nCecilia: You're absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and that's it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.\nCecilia: Yeah, thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: No I mean it! I can't believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much!\nCecilia: Oh you're right. Thank you! What's your name again?\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey.\nCecilia: Joey, well thank you. That is so sweet. Oh, excuse me.\nThe Writer: It wasn't my decision!\nCecilia: I'm having a conversation here! You were saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-l-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, I'm really nervous about-about being you. Y'know if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Y'know? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please?\nCecilia: All right Joey, I will help you. Not because I-I owe it to this stupid show, but because I owe it to Jessica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's great! Oh thank you so much!\nCecilia: You're so welcome.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Now, I've been watching some tapes, how's this? \"Jessica Lockhart will never step foot in this place again! Ever!!\"\nCecilia: Is that supposed to be me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nCecilia: Yeah but Jessica doesn't have an English accent.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can do an English accent?! That baby's going on my resume!\nChandler Bing: Well, I feel like a snack!\nMonica Geller: Do you want some shortbread? Eh that's Scottish like you are.\nChandler Bing: Oh no thanks. I don't like any thing from my Scottish heritage.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: Well it's just my entire family was run out of Scotland by...Vikings. Anyway, lots of bad memories.\nRoss Geller: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots.\nMonica Geller: No! No-no they're not. They're still very angry! But y'know Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.\nRoss Geller: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more...\nMonica Geller: You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!!\nRoss Geller: How did you know about that?!\nChandler Bing: We heard you play all the way from your apartment!\nRoss Geller: Were you the ones called the cops?!\nChandler Bing: That's not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just don't feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.\nRoss Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because we hate them.\nRoss Geller: Come on that's not fair! I mean you haven't even heard me play!\nChandler Bing: We have heard you play.\nRoss Geller: No, you've heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And I'm not going to tell you what song I'm gonna play either. But uh, let's just say when it's over I'll bet there will be a we bit o' celebration.\nCecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. You try.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay! All right!\nCecilia: No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! He's not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay.\nCecilia: Right. He's not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! All right, it's a little weird, but it's getting better. Oh well, I'm gonna miss this woman so much. I don't know what I'm going to do! I mean, it's been 20 years of my life.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well-Hey-hey! Maybe, maybe uh, maybe this is a good thing. Y'know? It'll-it'll give you a chance to shake things up, play different characters. You're so talented.\nCecilia: I am. I am, but I don't know you know. An actor of a certain age is not that easy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey that's not true! Look at uh, look at Angela Lansb-Angelina Jolie!\nCecilia: I probably should've just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but y'know I just got so comfy here! And... Ohh, I turned down some amazing work!\nJoey Tribbiani: Like-like what?\nCecilia: Well, let's just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow!\nCecilia: But... Well now, now's a different time for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey come on, don't-don't-don't do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, I'm thinking, \"Boy, she-she is a great actress!\" Uh but-but, I am also thinking, \"She is hot!\"\nCecilia: You think I'm hot?\nJoey Tribbiani: You own the room. We should probably get-get uh...\nCecilia: Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the... So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the man's face.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that 'cause she's so passionate?\nCecilia: No! It's because that way the camera only sees her! Do you wanna try it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Okay.\nCecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like...\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey!\nGuy: Hi! It's Tom, I'm here to pick up the phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door?\nRachel Green: Well why shouldn't I?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because it's my apartment!\nRachel Green: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. All right. Good luck explaining all the calls to China.\nTom: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! How long were we arguing for?\nRachel Green: You're not the man who left the cell phone.\nTom: No that's my assistant.\nRachel Green: Is-is he coming?\nTom: Umm, no.\nPhoebe Buffay: Could you-could you umm, give us one second?\nTom: Sure!\nRachel Green: We'll be right back sir.\nTom: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wh-what do we do?\nRachel Green: I don't know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you believe this? We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up!\nRachel Green: I know! What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, they just don't make 'em like that anymore!\nRachel Green: No-no they do but, you just have to wait.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, listen-I mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one.\nRachel Green: All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! You're such a great friend!\nRachel Green: Ohh...\nTom: So, which one of you lovely ladies am I going to take to dinner huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that'd be me. Sir. After you.\nTom: Okay. Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Nice!\nCecilia: Well, you certainly own that room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan!\nCecilia: Well, it's nice to know that you...\nRachel Green: MONICA!!!! MONICA!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: That uh, that is my roommate Rachel.\nCecilia: Oh that explains all the women's underwear.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. Yep.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! It's true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor?\nCecilia: Certainly.\nMonica Geller: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?!\nCecilia: I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore.\nRachel Green: God. You seem really, really nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, bye-bye.\nRachel Green: I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, here we go.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh wait, just one more thing! One more minute! Umm, you're a stupid bitch.\nCecilia: I really can't slap you.\nRachel Green: You are so beautiful.\nMonica Geller: Nice to meet you! My God you're great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! I-I am so sorry. I...\nCecilia: Oh no-no-no-no, being adored. I'm used to it, don't worry about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nCecilia: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: They sent me today's script! They never send the script!\nCecilia: They don't?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well no, I'm just in a coma. This must mean I have lines! Oh...\nCecilia: How does it happen?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ew, you get thrown from a horse into an electric fence.\nCecilia: Ah what?! Jessica hates horses!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah well, I'm guessing after this she's not going to be crazy about electricity either.\nRoss Geller: ...now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt.\nRachel Green: I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.\nRoss Geller: Do you wanna start telling secrets?\nRachel Green: No!\nRoss Geller: Now umm, remember I'm still learning.\nRoss Geller: One, two, three, four!\nRoss Geller: You know the song! Sing along!\nRoss Geller: So?\nDina: Loosening the saddle on mother's horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired.\nFredrick: Thank you sweetheart.\nDina: I can't believe she's really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't think so.\nDina: Who are you?!\nJessica Lockhart: What's the matter Dina? Don't you recognize your own mother?!\nThe Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you!\nCecilia: That was so wonderful! Ohh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh noo...\nCecilia: Well of course not, but you were very good.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks!\nCecilia: And guess what? Good news! I got another job!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Hey! All right! Well-well what is it?!\nCecilia: A film in Guadalajara!\nJoey Tribbiani: The airport?\nCecilia: No that's La Guardia. This is Mexico.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh. Wow! Well how-how, how will you be gone?\nCecilia: Eight months.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a really long time.\nCecilia: Yeah, but you can come and visit me. I bet that you could uh, own a few places down there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. And I just got what you meant again-That is-I tell ya, that is a tricky one!\nCecilia: That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. You've, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck.\nCecilia: You too.\nRoss Geller: You know the song! Sing along!\nPhoebe Buffay: Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!!\nMatthew Perry: Eee!!\nLisa Kudrow: Do it again!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi! Hi Ben!\nBen Geller: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah go ahead.\nRoss Geller: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there?\nRachel Green: No. No.\nRoss Geller: Okay! All clear!\nBen Geller: Thanks Phoebe!\nRachel Green: Ben, its Rachel! But whatever.\nRoss Geller: Everything okay in there?\nBen Geller: Don't talk to me now!\nRachel Green: Awww, just like his daddy.\nRoss Geller: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The dean's office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?\nRachel Green: What-what about Monica?\nRoss Geller: Oh, she isn't home.\nRachel Green: So it would just be, me alone?\nRoss Geller: Well, Ben would be there.\nRachel Green: Huh umm...\nRoss Geller: What's the matter?\nRachel Green: Well that-y'know it's just uh, I've never done that before. Me and him alone.\nRoss Geller: Rach, he's not an ex-con.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him?\nRoss Geller: I don't know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Ben? Come here. All right, I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah I think so.\nRoss Geller: I wasn't talking to you.\nBen Geller: I'll be okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'll see you soon buddy. Be back in an hour.\nBen Geller: Bye dad.\nRachel Green: Bye. Ahhh... So this is fun, huh?\nBen Geller: Not really.\nRachel Green: Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink?\nBen Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke?\nBen Geller: I'm not allowed to have soda.\nRachel Green: Okay. Well that's pretty much all that we have-Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita?\nBen Geller: What's a virgin?\nRachel Green: Water it is.\nMonica Geller: What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him.\nChandler Bing: You mean the spitter?\nMonica Geller: Come on! It wasn't that bad!\nChandler Bing: Easy for you to say; you'll be wearing a veil.\nMonica Geller: All right, what about the third guy?\nChandler Bing: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?\nMonica Geller: Can you blame him?\nChandler Bing: Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I say, \"I do,\" he's thinking, \"Yeah, I'd do her too!\"\nMonica Geller: Well then we still have a problem.\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: With what?\nMonica Geller: Well, we're trying to find someone to perform our wedding and they're all either boring or annoying or y'know, can't stop staring at the ladies.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oo! You should have one of us do it!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, we're getting married, married; not sixth grade married.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No! It's-it's uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!\nMonica Geller: Are you serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! A friend of mine did it and it's totally legal!\nJoey Tribbiani: I call it!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! No! It was my idea!\nChandler Bing: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.\nJoey Tribbiani: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?!\nChandler Bing: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!\nRachel Green: Ben y'know when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause I was, I was your daddy's girlfriend.\nBen Geller: But you're not anymore!\nRachel Green: No, I'm not.\nBen Geller: 'Cause you guys were on a break.\nRachel Green: Hey! We were not on a-Okay. That's fine! Fine. Y'know what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?\nBen Geller: When's my daddy coming back?\nRachel Green: Fifty-two minutes. So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You don't have to share stuff.\nBen Geller: Sharing is good.\nRachel Green: Oh, you're one of those. But y'know what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.\nBen Geller: Really? Like how?\nRachel Green: Well y'know, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so they'd put salt on their cereal.\nBen Geller: That's a good one.\nRachel Green: Yeah? You like that one?\nBen Geller: Yeah, you're funny.\nRachel Green: I'm funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, I've got a ton of these! Umm, oh hear-Do you want a good one? Here's a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? And then you say to person, I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, they're left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.\nBen Geller: Can I do it to you?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I-I-I-I'm funny Ben, but I'm not stupid. Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?\nChandler Bing: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together.\nMonica Geller: We're never gonna find anybody.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well then let me do it!\nChandler Bing: Joe...\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no! Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm an actor right? So I won't get nervous talking in front of people.\nMonica Geller: Joey look it's really sweet...\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no look no! I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts! Y'know? Everyone knows I'm an ass man!\nMonica Geller: That is true.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah and the most important thing is that it won't be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. It'll be me! And I swear I'll do a really good job. Plus, y'know I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, we haven't found anybody else.\nMonica Geller: It might be kinda cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: So I can do it?\nChandler Bing: Yeah you can do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sex right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey Pheebs, how's it going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you something?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, you've got to stop chattering!\nMonica Geller: Here, take a couple of these.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is it?\nMonica Geller: It's Hexadrin.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, I don't believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks.\nMonica Geller: Okay, while we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. Get some nice soft pillows under your head, I'm gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And I'm-Sit down-gonna make you some tea. And then, I'm gonna rub your feet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! My head! Oh! Oh!\nRachel Green: Coming.\nRoss Geller: I have a bone to pick with you.\nRachel Green: Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old...\nRoss Geller: That's right! That's right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!\nRachel Green: Oh that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! They're mean and they're stupid and-and I don't want my son learning them!\nRachel Green: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you don't think that's just a little funny?!\nRoss Geller: I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?\nMonica Geller: Hexadrin.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! Oh look! It comes with a story!\nMonica Geller: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Say what?\nMonica Geller: Y'know, the possible side affects.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headache-Headache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I don't recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh I'm sorry, extra strength death capsules!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nMonica Geller: In case it happens.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: You did it! You got ordained?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!\nChandler Bing: Our minister...\nPhoebe Buffay: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, your liver is right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, then I must be disoriented.\nJoey Tribbiani: Anyway, I started working on what I'm going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so... \"We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.\" Eh? \"It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving.\" \"We too can share and love and have and receive.\"\nChandler Bing: Should we call the spitter?\nCarol Willick: Hey Rachel!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nCarol Willick: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?\nRachel Green: Well y'know I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, \"What's up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?\"\nCarol Willick: Can I ask what-Come on in.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nCarol Willick: Umm uh, I'll make some coffee and we can uh, chat.\nRachel Green: I'd love that. I would loooove... So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...\nBen Geller: Gotcha!!\nRachel Green: I found him! Very funny, come here! That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you okay?\nCarol Willick: Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?\nRachel Green: Yes oh-Do I want sugar in my coffee? No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?\nBen Geller: Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?\nRachel Green: Don't do that.\nBen Geller: Don't do that.\nRachel Green: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.\nBen Geller: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.\nRachel Green: Oh damnit!\nBen Geller: Oh damnit!\nRachel Green: No! Don't say that! Don't say that!\nBen Geller: Damnit!\nRachel Green: No don't! Go back to repeating!\nBen Geller: Damnit!\nRachel Green: Oh crap!\nBen Geller: Oh crap!\nPhoebe Buffay: I feel like my face is swelling. Is my face swelling?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. O-okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: \"When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and...\" And then I can't think of a good word for right here.\nMonica Geller: How about receiving?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nChandler Bing: See Joe, not that that's not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Y'know, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?\nChandler Bing: No, not us... Us!\nMonica Geller: I gotcha. Sorry. So, did you ever make him throw up a whole anything?\nPhoebe Buffay: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?\nMonica Geller: It doesn't say that!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Suddenly somebody knows all about the side affects!\nChandler Bing: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but y'know, romantic stories. Nice stories.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe I'll talk about London! Y'know when you two hooked up! Only, only I won't say hooked up. I'll say, \"Began their beautiful journey...\"\nMonica Geller: There you go!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"...by doin' it.\"\nChandler Bing: Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing y'know you're in the bathtub together and she's feeding you strawberries?\nChandler Bing: Isn't that what happened with you and the bride's maid?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!! I call that London style.\nMonica Geller: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Ross's mom.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nMonica Geller: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah baby!\nChandler Bing: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nChandler Bing: But then later that night...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah baby!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Cute PJ's! You're really livin' it up here in London huh?\nChandler Bing: Well I was... I was exactly expecting company after... 9:15.\nMonica Geller: Is Joey here?\nChandler Bing: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the bride's maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?\nMonica Geller: Wouldn't you be?\nChandler Bing: Well, look it's been a really emotional time y'know, and you've had a lot to drink. And you've just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?\nMonica Geller: Well, not anymore.\nChandler Bing: But we don't do that.\nMonica Geller: I know, I just thought it would be fun.\nChandler Bing: How drunk are you?\nMonica Geller: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.\nChandler Bing: That's the perfect amount!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what's weird?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: This doesn't feel weird!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: You're a really good kisser.\nChandler Bing: Well, I have kissed over four women. Do you wanna get under the covers?\nMonica Geller: Hm-hmm!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Wow! You are really fast!\nChandler Bing: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.\nMonica Geller: We're gonna see each other naked.\nChandler Bing: Yep!\nMonica Geller: Do you wanna do it at the same time?\nChandler Bing: Count of three?\nMonica Geller: One!\nChandler Bing: Two!\nMonica Geller: Two!\nChandler Bing: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.\nMonica Geller: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!\nChandler Bing: Eh!\nChandler Bing: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, dude I'm so sorry!\nChandler Bing: No! No! No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey no-no-no-no! It's cool! It's cool! I-I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bride's maid, I just-Where are those condoms you brought?\nChandler Bing: They're in my bag over there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah.\nChandler Bing: Uh, could you leave me one?\nJoey Tribbiani: For just you?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey listen, why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there.\nChandler Bing: No I-I-I'm fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, here you go buddy. Go nuts.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what that was?! 'Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.\nMonica Geller: Okay, can we change the topic? Because it's really doing nothing for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one? You two might've never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! It's like it was in the stars!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's totally meant to be. Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nChandler Bing: Who did you originally want to hook up with?\nMonica Geller: Okay, fine but please don't be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted...just sex. So, when I...went to your room that night...I was actually looking...for Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah baby! No baby!\nChandler Bing: So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?\nMonica Geller: No because it-it didn't seem important.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's not important? It's not important?! If it wasn't for a bride's maid you'd be marrying him not me!\nMonica Geller: Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with!\nJoey Tribbiani: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv-\nChandler Bing: I don't believe it. The most romantic night of my life and I'm runner up.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Now I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!\nChandler Bing: Look there is no way you're doing this wedding now. Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! That's not fair! It's not my fault! I was off with my bride's maid! And who's to say I would've even said yes?! I mean I would've said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!\nChandler Bing: Okay, it's just weird! Okay? I don't want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need...I don't know what I need. I need a walk.\nMonica Geller: Wait Chandler come on, let's-it's not a big deal!\nChandler Bing: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! Robin is so gay!\nRachel Green: So now what have we agreed?\nBen Geller: No more pranks.\nRachel Green: And-and what else?\nBen Geller: That you and daddy were not on a break.\nRachel Green: Very good.\nRoss Geller: Rachel! What are you doing here?\nRachel Green: I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.\nRoss Geller: Your good friend?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: What's her last name?\nRachel Green: Carol...Lesbian?\nRoss Geller: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?\nRachel Green: What line?\nRoss Geller: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, \"Dude, don't you ever was your face?\"\nRachel Green: All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you were so mad already!\nRoss Geller: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-it's not funny!\nCarol Willick: Hey Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nCarol Willick: What's not funny?\nRoss Geller: Practical jokes.\nCarol Willick: Oh I...I think they're funny.\nRoss Geller: You have a line down your face.\nCarol Willick: What?\nRachel Green: Okay, maybe they are not funny to you...\nCarol Willick: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Or Carol! But they're funny to kids and who is it hurting?!\nRoss Geller: Uh, y'know what? I'll tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt!\nRachel Green: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, \"I will be revenged?!\"\nRoss Geller: I will be! Listen, I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay?\nRachel Green: Fine. Fine, but I'll have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but I'll go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if that's what you want!\nRoss Geller: No that's not what I want. Uh, I'm glad you guys were bonding but I...\nRachel Green: Look he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, somebody's gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I haven't taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesn't know anyway!\nBen Geller: Crap!!\nRachel Green: I gotta go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey. Do you want this scone? It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!\nChandler Bing: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding...\nJoey Tribbiani: No-hey-no! If you don't want me to do it, I except that. I don't care about that. I just...I don't want you to be upset.\nChandler Bing: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! You're so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, 'cause you guys are perfect for each other. Y'know, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just...it-it fits. Y'know? And you just know it's gonna last forever.\nChandler Bing: That's what you should say.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: When you're marrying us; that's what you should say.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? I can do it?\nChandler Bing: I'd love it if you would do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: But those are the words! Those exact words!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I don't know remember exactly but, it's-it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey I'm sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-I've got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, 'Fun Aunt' Rachel, so...\nRachel Green: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, don't we Ben?\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'll see you later pal.\nRachel Green: Ohh, okay. Wh-Ah-ha! Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I can't do it.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: I can't let him go out that way, he's got a meeting. You've got something here on your back.\nRoss Geller: What? That's great. That is great. What did we just finish talking about Ben?!\nRachel Green: Oh I...\nBen Geller: What did we just finish talking about Ben?!\nRoss Geller: All right, that's it! Come-you-no! You are in big trouble young man!\nRachel Green: No! Wait! Come on!\nRoss Geller: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding!\nRachel Green: No you guys...\nRoss Geller: I-I-am-\nRachel Green: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey-hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: So are guys doing okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.\nMonica Geller: Yeah baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two actually had hooked up.\nMonica Geller: Honey! Dinner's ready!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's my little chef got for me tonight?\nMonica Geller: Your favorite!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ho-ho-ho, fried stuff with cheese!\nMonica Geller: Yep! And lot's of it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay, in we go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! How you doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Here you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! That's it! I'm out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good for you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's like huge weight has been lifted! 'Cause look, no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, I'm just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria-Oh."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.\nJoey Tribbiani: Food? Uh-huh gimme!\nChandler Bing: So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings that we're trying to get to play at the wedding?\nPhoebe Buffay: Since when are you into swing music?\nChandler Bing: Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands!\nMonica Geller: Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Gap commercial. So did you book them? Did you call?\nMonica Geller: I will.\nChandler Bing: Do you want me to call?\nMonica Geller: No, I'll do it. You just stick to your job.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is your job?\nChandler Bing: Staying out of the way.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is impossible Monica, why don't you just pick all 15?\nMonica Geller: There were only twelve.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, I added three.\nMonica Geller: What are peanut butter fingers?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah...\nRoss Geller: Well hello! She's cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?\nChandler Bing: Sure! That's one of the great things about being engaged. I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.\nThe Woman: Could you guys help me?\nRoss Geller: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.\nThe Woman: It-it's really heavy.\nRoss Geller: I got it. So hi, I'm uh, I'm Ross and this is my friend Chandler.\nThe Woman: I-I am Kristen.\nRoss Geller: Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, 'cause if you are...I'd love to show you around sometime.\nKristen Leigh: I...I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over.\nRoss Geller: Ah.\nKristen Leigh: But-but this block is like a whole other world.\nRoss Geller: Y'know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep!\nChandler Bing: Smooth.\nKristen Leigh: Excuse me?\nRoss Geller: Umm, say you're gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?\nKristen Leigh: Oh I'd like that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nKristen Leigh: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Great! Uh, let me take this up for you.\nKristen Leigh: After you.\nRoss Geller: Oh no-no, after you. Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Am I crazy or does this totally go?!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You look so beautiful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica!\nMonica Geller: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can't believe I found it!\nThe Woman: Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I'd cry.\nMonica Geller: Well I'm Monica Geller, ball like a baby.\nThe Woman: I'm Megan Bailey.\nMonica Geller: Have you found your dress yet?\nMegan Bailey: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.\nMonica Geller: No, I can't afford this either. No. I-I-I'm, I'm just to figure out which one I want then I'm gonna get it at Kleinman's, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.\nMegan Bailey: Oh, thanks for the tip.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! So-so when are you getting married?\nMegan Bailey: Oh I'm not, I just like to try these on.\nRachel Green: I do the same thing.\nMegan Bailey: I'm just kidding. I'm getting married July 25th.\nRachel Green: I'm just kidding too. I'm getting married in December.\nMegan Bailey: So when are you getting married?\nMonica Geller: Oh May 15th.\nMegan Bailey: Oooh it's getting close!\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nMegan Bailey: So uh, who's your photographer?\nMonica Geller: Jeffery.\nMegan Bailey: We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?\nMonica Geller: The best man? Wow!\nMegan Bailey: I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who's your band?!\nMonica Geller: Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.\nMegan Bailey: Oh, you're so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, is that spelled with a 'C' or a 'K'? Oh my God! It doesn't matter; they're both great!\nRachel Green: Oh y'know what? Y'know what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.\nThe Woman: I own this store.\nRachel Green: So, does this come in another color or...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi! You uh, movin' in or movin' out?\nKristen Leigh: I'm moving in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?\nKristen Leigh: Oh okay. But y'know what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Boyfriend?\nKristen Leigh: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm Joey.\nKristen Leigh: Kristen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! What is it again?\nKristen Leigh: Kristen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Got it! So...\nKristen Leigh: So uh, do you live around here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop or you can wake up with your shoes gone.\nKristen Leigh: I'll remember that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?\nKristen Leigh: Oh I, I have plans tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nKristen Leigh: But how about tomorrow?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go?\nKristen Leigh: You look strong, why don't I take that and you grab one of the boxes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll grab this one.\nA Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!\nRachel Green: So this is Brooklyn.\nMonica Geller: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what you're looking for! Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Got it.\nMonica Geller: All right.\nA Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!\nRachel Green: Oh they're pushing! They're pushing!!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Don't be a baby!\nRachel Green: Well I...\nA Woman: Let's go!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Rachel! Come on!!!!\nMonica Geller: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. Don't crowd me! This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, it's perfect! I'm sorry, this one's taken! Whoa!\nMonica Geller: Megan!\nMegan Bailey: Monica!\nMonica Geller: You came?!\nMegan Bailey: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: This is my dress!\nMegan Bailey: No!\nMonica Geller: Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!\nMegan Bailey: And now you'll see me buying it.\nMonica Geller: What? You freak! You wouldn't even have known about this place if it wasn't for me!\nMegan Bailey: Look, you don't want to fight me.\nMonica Geller: Maybe I do! I'm pretty feisty!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm coming! I'm coming!\nWoman: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! Hey! What do I do?!! What are you doing? Did you find the dress?\nPhoebe Buffay: Did you find the dress?\nRachel Green: No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy!\nPhoebe Buffay: I-We gotta get Monica.\nRachel Green: No! You gotta hold my hand!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! Excuse me! Excuse me!\nMonica Geller: Go! Go! Go!\nRachel Green: Hey...\nMonica Geller: NOW!!!!!!!!\nChandler Bing: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?\nRoss Geller: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying she'd like to go out again.\nChandler Bing: Huh.\nRoss Geller: Yeah in fact, I'm gonna go call her right now. And I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night but I had a date.\nChandler Bing: Uh Joe, when it's one o'clock in the morning and you don't come by? That's okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right across the street!\nChandler Bing: Really? Right across the street?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: When'd you meet her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Two days ago.\nChandler Bing: Excellent! Y'know Ross met somebody too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah?\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hi! How'd it go?\nRoss Geller: Oh great! We're going out again Saturday. But I just found she's also seeing some other guy.\nChandler Bing: Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in Ross's situation?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy. But, I don't know, I'm not to worried about it.\nRoss Geller: Well you shouldn't be. Believe me I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you. I mean that doofus is going to lose!\nChandler Bing: So this is nice! I wish I didn't have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. Oh uh, by the way, what's the name the girl you're dating?\nChandler Bing: Bye!\nRoss Geller: Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Obviously! So, how do we decide?\nRoss Geller: Well now let's-let's look at this objectively, I think I should date her...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or, or I'm the one who dates her.\nRoss Geller: That's interesting, but check this out. I date her...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction...\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah well we should order some food then.\nRoss Geller: No Joey! Look why don't, why don't we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, we'll each go out with her one more time. And-and we'll see who she likes best.\nJoey Tribbiani: That sounds fair.\nRoss Geller: Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah yeah-wait a second now! Look we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.\nRoss Geller: Well sorry, that's what I do on dates.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, well I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.\nRoss Geller: So let's decide on the spending limit...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Uh, ...a slice...six dollars?\nRoss Geller: I was thinking more like a hundred.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars?\nMonica Geller: Oh...\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. Hand me a tissue.\nRachel Green: You're out of Diet Coke.\nMonica Geller: Hello? What?! You what?! Hey you listen here missy! Wh-\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nMonica Geller: That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress!\nPhoebe Buffay: Does that mean Carcass is available?\nMonica Geller: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh...Chandler wants the band. What do I do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.\nMonica Geller: How?\nRachel Green: You're out of toilet paper!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey! What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I just wanted to come by and y'know, wish you good luck on your date.\nRoss Geller: Oh thanks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. What time are you meeting her?\nRoss Geller: We have 8:00 reservations at Grammercy Bistero.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, that's in like 20 minutes. You'd better get dressed.\nRoss Geller: I am dressed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Well good! For me. What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?\nRoss Geller: I have an oily T-zone!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay dude! Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.\nRoss Geller: That's right.\nJoey Tribbiani: You spent a hundred dollars. That's the limit. You're screwed!\nRoss Geller: Uh actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So techincally, technically I didn't break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh! So that's the way it's gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too y'know!\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Why am I not surprised?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what Ross? I'm not gonna let you get away with this!\nRoss Geller: I don't think you have much choice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well we'll see!\nRoss Geller: Bye-bye!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah bye-bye! Hey! So just a light layer?\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes. Just here and there .\nChandler Bing: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, swing music is so out.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, he's gotta be in the room for that to work.\nChandler Bing: What are you guys talking about?\nMonica Geller: Well umm, we were just talking about the y'know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether y'know, they were the right way to go.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now I'm not saying that there's any connection here y'know, but they did tell me that's why they got divorced.\nChandler Bing: But I love swing music!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y'know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts-They just stop living.\nChandler Bing: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there's another reason too.\nRachel Green: Well, what is the other reason?\nChandler Bing: I don't want to say.\nRachel Green: Well you have to because maybe it's stupid.\nChandler Bing: Well it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was...the first time I knew that...you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.\nMonica Geller: Oh crap!\nRoss Geller: So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.\nKristen Leigh: Oh great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nKristen Leigh: Is your back feeling better?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah it's fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.\nJoey Tribbiani: Kristen?\nKristen Leigh: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nKristen Leigh: Hi! What are you doing here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I'm not breaking any rules so I...\nKristen Leigh: Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi. It's nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I don't anymore.\nKristen Leigh: Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks!\nRoss Geller: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?\nKristen Leigh: Well Joey doesn't like to talk about it but, he's one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.\nRoss Geller: That's right! That's right, don't you play a woman?\nJoey Tribbiani: A woman in a man's body.\nRoss Geller: Much better.\nJoey Tribbiani: So y'know Ross it's funny 'cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?\nRoss Geller: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married and how I have a son.\nKristen Leigh: Yeah, little Eric.\nRoss Geller: That's right! Wait no, Ben.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you've just married the one time then?\nRoss Geller: Well umm...\nKristen Leigh: You've been married twice?\nRoss Geller: Yes. And another time after that. Boy I'm getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?\nKristen Leigh: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. So uh Ross, well now-why did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?\nKristen Leigh: Do you two know each other?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?!\nRoss Geller: Hey you leave Marcel out of this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Monkey lover!\nJoey Tribbiani: When do you think we lost her?\nRoss Geller: Probably around gonorrhea.\nChandler Bing: Hi, honey! I'm home!\nMonica Geller: Don't come in here!\nChandler Bing: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?\nMonica Geller: No! We only mess around at his place!\nChandler Bing: Y'know it's funny I started it but, now it's scary me. So could you come out here please?\nMonica Geller: No, I'm wearing a wedding dress.\nChandler Bing: Oh you got a wedding dress? That's great!\nMonica Geller: Yeah but I'm not keeping it.\nChandler Bing: Well then why can't I see it?\nMonica Geller: Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can't like it.\nChandler Bing: Okay I promise. I'll-I'll hate it. Wow! You-you look...hideous.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?\nMonica Geller: Oh because it doesn't...really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked the Swing Kings.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it's like yuck! It's terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!\nMonica Geller: Okay! But you can't rip it. Well, maybe a little.\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? Guys?\nChandler Bing: I thought you were gonna be gone all day.\nMonica Geller: All right? What's going on?\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we're gonna have younger looking skin!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Y'know, she could use a little... Oh nice shot!!!"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey! You guys! You're not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I'm sorry, too soon. You go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. I got nominated for my part on Days of Our Lives!\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good for you!\nMonica Geller: Congratulations! Wow! I can't believe you're nominated for an Emmy!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no.\nMonica Geller: Oh Soap Opera Digest award!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I'm up for a Soapie!\nMonica Geller: Honey? Is that something you're making up?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no! It's real! And it has been since 1998. Hey Rach! Rach! I'm up for a Soapie!\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you! Well, I guess now I know who I'm taking to the awards.\nRachel Green: Oh, stop that! Don't kid about that! Will all the stars be there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Many are scheduled to appear.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't go! I'm gonna be too nervous!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'll go!\nRachel Green: No!! You are getting married! This is all I have.\nRoss Geller: ...and it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized that the Velociraptor would expand it's collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten it's predator. Yes Mr. Lewis?\nLewis: What kinda noise?\nRoss Geller: Just a high pitched intimidating noise.\nLewis: But like how?\nRoss Geller: Well we-we don't know for sure. But in my head it-it sounded something like this. Of course, this is just conjecture. Okay, that's uh, that's all for today. Uh Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment?\nNed Morse: Yes sir.\nRoss Geller: Mr. Morse I need to talk to you about your mid-term exam, I'm afraid I-I had to fail you.\nNed Morse: Why?!\nRoss Geller: Well you need 60% to pass...\nNed Morse: What'd I get?\nRoss Geller: Seven.\nNed Morse: That's not so good.\nRoss Geller: No-no it's not. What-what happened there Ned?\nNed Morse: Well maybe you can cut me some slack. I'm sort of in love.\nRoss Geller: Well I'm sorry but, that-that's really not my problem.\nNed Morse: I'm in love with you.\nRoss Geller: Well that brings me in the loop a little.\nNed Morse: You see, that's why I did so bad on this test. I'm having a hard time concentrating. When you're up there and you're teaching and your face gets all serious...you look so good. You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater...\nRoss Geller: Okay! Umm, I uh, I'm your teacher. I'm sorry, you're-you're a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! That guy at the counter is totally checking you out!\nMonica Geller: Really? My God, he's really cute.\nPhoebe Buffay: Go for it.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, I'm engaged!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and can't perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.\nThe Cute Guy: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Op, can I just tell you something? Very flattered but umm, I'm engaged.\nThe Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.\nMonica Geller: Well you should be embarrassed.\nThe Cute Guy: I thought you knew I was looking at you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I did, but that was really fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: And the winner is...Joey Tribbiani! Oh... Wow! I honestly never expected this. I uh, I didn't prepare a speech. But umm, I'd like to thank my parents, who've always been there for me. I'd also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel...\nRachel Green: I'm fourth! Look at you with your little maple syrup award!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah may-maybe you don't tell anyone about this.\nRachel Green: What? No! It's not a big deal! I do that too, with my shampoo bottle.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: What award are you practicing for?\nRachel Green: Grammy, Best New Artist.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey listen! The Soapie's called today and I also get to present an award.\nRachel Green: Ohh that's great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRachel Green: So you'll definitely get onstage, even if you don't win.\nJoey Tribbiani: What you-you don't think I'm gonna win?\nRachel Green: Well of course I do! But y'know, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean you're up against the guy who survived his own cremation.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. No-no I-I know I might not win, but it's just...I've never even been nominated before! I want it so much.\nRachel Green: Well Joey, you'll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Y'know when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Y'know? So it's sorta like...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Y'know?\nJoey Tribbiani: You practice losing the Grammies too?\nRachel Green: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey! How'd your date go with Jake?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, great! We couldn't keep our eyes off each other all night and then every once and a while y'know, he'd kinda lean over and stroke my hair and touch my neck.\nMonica Geller: Okay, stop it Phoebe, you're getting me all tingly.\nPhoebe Buffay: All I could think of was y'know, \"Is he gonna kiss me? Is he gonna kiss me?\"\nMonica Geller: And did he?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm a lady Monica, I don't kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself.\nMonica Geller: Okay-okay, I got it. I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just like him so much that I just feel like I've had 10 drinks today and I've only had six.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I haven't had that feeling since I first started going out with Chandler. Wow, I'm never gonna have that feeling again am I?\nPhoebe Buffay: You sound like a guy.\nMonica Geller: No, a guy would be saying, \"I'm never gonna get to sleep with anyone else.\" Oh my God! I'm never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! I've been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that I'd be giving up! I mean, I...I'm never gonna have a first kiss again.\nPhoebe Buffay: You'll have a last kiss.\nRoss Geller: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that why you wanted to tie my tie?\nRoss Geller: There's this kid in my class who said he's in love with me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa!\nRachel Green: Whoa what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross has a boyfriend.\nRoss Geller: I do-I do not have a boyfriend. There's a guy in one of my classes who-who has a crush on me.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah! I don't know. I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it?! Am I giving out some kind of...sexy professor vibe?\nRachel Green: Not right now.\nRoss Geller: It-it-The point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.\nRachel Green: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Y'know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: How'd you get over that teacher?\nRachel Green: I didn't. I got under him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Problem solved.\nJake: Bye Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay bye.\nJake: All right. Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye! We said good-bye at the door so as not to flaunt our new love.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, it's okay. You don't have to tip toe around me. I-I've been thinking about it and umm, y'know what? I'm okay about not having that new relationship feeling...\nJake: I miss you already!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I miss you too!!!!\nMonica Geller: See? That's what I mean. I mean that, that's great! But I wouldn't trade in what I have for that. I mean I'm gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and that's what makes me happy. Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is don't you think?\nChandler Bing: Oh totally! Pull my finger.\nAnnouncer: Presenting the award for Favorite Returning Male Character is McKensize...\nJoey Tribbiani: This is it! This is my category.\nRachel Green: I know! My God! Do you have your speech?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I got my speech!\nRachel Green: Do you got your gracious loser face?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Now Joey remember, if you win you have to hug me! You hug me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Can I squeeze your ass?\nRachel Green: On TV?! Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: 'Kay!\nThe Presenter: In The Category Of Favorite Returning Male Character The Nominees Are John Wheeler from General Hospital , Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless , Dunkin Harrington from Passions , and Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives . And the Soapie goes to...Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the?!\nAnnouncer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives.\nJoey Tribbiani: Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop , from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is...Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldn't be with us tonight so I'll be accepting this award on her behalf. And I'm sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. She'd also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel who's sittin' right there!\nRachel Green: Joey! Why did we have to rush out of there so fast?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach we had to get out of there because, look what I won!\nRachel Green: Oh my God you stole her award!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! No, I'm accepting it on her behalf.\nRachel Green: Joey I don't think you know what behalf means.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure I do! It's a verb! As in, \"I behalfin' it!\"\nRachel Green: Joey, you have got to take this back!\nJoey Tribbiani: But why?! I should've won one and I really want it and she didn't even care enough to come to the thing! It could also be a Grammy.\nRachel Green: No! Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Rach! No one saw me take it! There was a whole table full of 'em.\nRachel Green: Do you really want an award you didn't win?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! I want an award I did win! But nobody's giving me any of those! Plus-Hey Rach, if-if I put it up there right? When people come over they'll see it and they'll think I won it.\nRachel Green: Joey is says Best Supporting Actress!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can scratch that right off.\nRachel Green: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You don't want to win an award this way. You're very talented. And someday you're gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right!\nRachel Green: All right? Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll take it back tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: If I can't have it you can't have it!\nLewis: Professor Geller?\nRoss Geller: Yes Mr. Lewis, how can I help you?\nLewis: I know I didn't do well on my midterms and stuff but, I was kinda hoping you could change my grade.\nRoss Geller: And why exactly would I do that?\nLewis: Because I'm in love with you.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nLewis: Yeah, I'm all...in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade?\nRoss Geller: No!\nLewis: Well why not you changed Ned's grade!\nRoss Geller: Well that's different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!\nLewis: No he's not! He's totally yanking your chain! He's done this with three other teachers!\nRoss Geller: What?\nLewis: He's got a girlfriend!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe someone would do that for a grade.\nLewis: I know! It's awful. I love you.\nMonica Geller: Have you seen Chandler?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. Why?\nMonica Geller: 'Cause I just keeping thinking about all these things that I'm not gonna have and it's freaking me out. I don't know what to do about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't sweat it. Chandler is nowhere around so go ahead get it out of your system. That guy's cute.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! Come on I'm serious! I just got to talk to him about all this.\nPhoebe Buffay: No that is the last thing you want to do!\nMonica Geller: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because you're marrying him!\nMonica Geller: You gotta help me out here Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I've never been engaged and I've never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband.\nMonica Geller: So I'm not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with?\nPhoebe Buffay: That is correct! Yes, you're supposed to take all of that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight.\nMonica Geller: Your mother told you this?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!\nMonica Geller: The woman that got married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! You're right! Go! Go tell Chandler! Hurry before it's too late! Wait no! Does this also mean putting out doesn't get you love?\nRachel Green: I cannot believe I'm gonna meet Jessica Ashley!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay wait-wait p-please be cool! Okay? I work with this woman.\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm totally cool!\nJessica Ashley: Come in.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Jessica.\nRachel Green: Hey Jess.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, this is my friend Rachel.\nJessica Ashley: Hi.\nRachel Green: 'Sup?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh listen, here's your Soapie. I accepted it for ya.\nJessica Ashley: Oh my God! I won! Do you have any idea what this means?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, that-that-that's it? You're gonna, you're gonna put it on your self or anything?\nJessica Ashley: No, I try to save that for real awards. Now, if you'll excuse me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Take it back?\nRachel Green: Absolutely.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y-y-yeah! Yeah you do.\nMonica Geller: Honey, as we get closer to the wedding, is there anything that you would like to talk about or share?\nChandler Bing: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big\nMonica Geller: You're wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all?\nChandler Bing: Kinda. They're really big.\nMonica Geller: Doesn't it ever just freak you out that-that you're never gonna be with anybody new again?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Just, I love you so much. Just...It's just sometimes it bothers me that I'm never gonna have that feeling. Y'know when you meet someone for the first time and it's new and exciting? Y'know that rush?\nChandler Bing: No. No, see when I first meet somebody it's uh it's mostly panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.\nMonica Geller: Okay, but all right you're a guy, does it not freak you that you're never gonna sleep with anybody else?\nChandler Bing: Sleeping with somebody new, anxiety, panic, and I'm afraid even more sweating.\nMonica Geller: Even with me?\nChandler Bing: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Well yeah! But now that I know that you're having these thoughts, I'm back to panic, anxiety, and uh I'm definitely gonna need some kind of sports drink.\nMonica Geller: Come here! Come here! Sweetie you don't have to worry. No, besides y'know what? I'm gonna have a lot of new things with you. The first time we buy a house. Our first kid. Our first grandkid...\nChandler Bing: Water! Water! Water!\nRoss Geller: Uh Mr. Morse, can I speak to you for a moment?\nNed Morse: That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little hair cut?\nRoss Geller: Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you looove it? I just want you to know that I'm changing your grade back.\nNed Morse: What?! Why?\nRoss Geller: 'Cause I know what you're trying to pull here. Okay? It's not gonna work.\nNed Morse: I'm not trying to pull anything. Look I love you dude.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I-I'm not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay-Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You don't love me and you never did! Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, I'll be right with you. Don't make this worse and I'll give you a C. Shall we?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rach?\nRachel Green: I'll be out in a second.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. It's just so unexpected! I...I uh...Boy I'll tell you it's just such an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and y'know to win one for a massage. Especially after having just won a Tony award for best actress in...\nRachel Green: Honey, we have to go. Our reservations are at 8:00.\nPhoebe Buffay: ...in Reservations at 8:00 by Neil Simon. Thank-thank you Neil. Thank you for the words.\nRachel Green: Okay honey, you can finish this later we're gonna be late. We gotta go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Please, don't play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh hey! How was your audition?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, do I know you?\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing, I'm just practicing blowing you off because I'm gonna be a big movie star!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! You got it?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.\nMonica Geller: What was it for?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. It's really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.\nPhoebe Buffay: The next, next?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago who's supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guy's right after him. Hello!\nEstelle Leonard: Joey! It's Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!\nJoey Tribbiani: They loved me!\nEstelle Leonard: Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nEstelle Leonard: There's just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! Oh. Uh, okay uh let me call you back.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's the matter?\nJoey Tribbiani: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!\nMonica Geller: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! My grandmother's gonna see this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Grandma's gonna have to get in line.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey the wedding is so close! Are you getting nervous?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. But a part of me also can't wait 'til it's over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.\nRoss Geller: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nMonica Geller: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.\nRoss Geller: Cassie?\nMonica Geller: Uh-hmm.\nRoss Geller: Wow, I haven't seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.\nMonica Geller: Ross, she's 25 years old.\nRoss Geller: So what! I still have-No you're probably right.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Subtle guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nMonica Geller: I know you're planning my surprise bridal shower.\nRachel Green: Well okay-Well don't ruin it! Just play along at least!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Sorry.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! We have to throw her a shower?!\nMonica Geller: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! It's not like it's porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Y'know? And the nudity is really important to the story.\nMonica Geller: That's what you say about porn.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right. Maybe I shouldn't even go on the call back.\nMonica Geller: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well that's true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My character's catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. It's really sweet and-and tender.\nMonica Geller: Plus, everyone's gonna see your thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well when can we have this shower?\nRachel Green: She has got so much going on we-we have only two options. We have Friday...\nPhoebe Buffay: Well that's only two days away. What is the other option?\nRachel Green: Yesterday!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! We're done!\nRachel Green: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We can't do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! There's just too much to do! It's impossible! We can't do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, calm down!\nRachel Green: Okay. I'm sorry. You're right, you're right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Just calm down woman!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, I already, I already did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, here. What time?\nRachel Green: 4 o'clock. Food?\nPhoebe Buffay: Finger sandwiches and tea.\nRachel Green: Ooh great! Very Monica.\nPhoebe Buffay: And chili!\nRachel Green: Ah you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons?\nPhoebe Buffay: Both!\nRachel Green: We're paying for this y'know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Neither.\nRachel Green: Okay. Umm, what should we do for the theme?\nPhoebe Buffay: Lusts of the flesh.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. A cowboy theme?\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I'm-I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.\nMonica Geller: Oh boy me too!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I was thinking if we had a...a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours...\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!\nMonica Geller: The wedding is off, sloppy and immature!\nChandler Bing: That's me! Come on!\nMonica Geller: Okay. But wait, we can't. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, we're supposed to have lunch.\nChandler Bing: Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.\nMonica Geller: Shrill?! The wedding is back on!\nCassie Geller: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Hi! Nice to meet you!\nCassie Geller: Nice to meet you too.\nMonica Geller: So, are you ready to go?\nCassie Geller: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I'll be right with you.\nMonica Geller: Cassie needs to stay at your place.\nRoss Geller: What-why?\nMonica Geller: Because Purvry Perverson over here can't stop staring at her.\nRoss Geller: What?! Chandler she's our cousin!\nChandler Bing: I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It's called being a good conversationalist. Watch. Say something.\nMonica Geller: You were staring about eight inches south of there.\nRoss Geller: Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now.\nMonica Geller: She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn.\nChandler Bing: Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?\nMonica Geller: Wafer thin ice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm back!\nThe Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?\nThe Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didn't need to come down here today.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh great! Y'know I would've been perfect for this part, but whatever! Y'know, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day!\nThe Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didn't need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.\nJoey Tribbiani: And scene! Huh? Wasn't that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?\nThe Casting Director: Well, the director thinks you're really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Sure! That's great!\nThe Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as it's handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.\nThe Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, there's one more thing. Uhh, uh it's really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how she's never seen a naked man who wasn't Jewish. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: So...What?\nThe Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what I'm saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nThe Casting Director: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: No. What?\nThe Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be...\nJoey Tribbiani: Barmifsaed?\nMonica Geller: So to get this part you can't be?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nope.\nMonica Geller: But you are?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yep.\nMonica Geller: But you told them you weren't?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right.\nMonica Geller: Wow! Wow! And it's definitely all gone? There's nothing there to work with? What were you thinking?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell 'em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.\nMonica Geller: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to...grow a turtleneck!\nJoey Tribbiani: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, what are you gonna do?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I just have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part.\nMonica Geller: Unless!\nJoey Tribbiani: Unless what?\nMonica Geller: Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion.\nJoey Tribbiani: Like what?\nMonica Geller: Well I'm not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head I'm thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! I've got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyone's names in them and inside is everyone's individual birth stone.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still don't have a guest list.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know that's coming? Me. Are you?\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! What's up Mon?\nMonica Geller: Well uh, I'm trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?\nRachel Green: Have at it.\nMonica Geller: Okay. All right, turkey. Eh, that won't work. Cheese? That won't work. Olive loaf? I hope that won't work.\nRachel Green: Are you makin' him a sandwich?\nMonica Geller: No it's umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, I'm gonna go guys.\nMonica Geller: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present!\nRachel Green: We have to get her a present?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay but look! Look at what I got! It's her address book! We have a guest list!\nRachel Green: Oh my God you're amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, and a little seed money for the party.\nRoss Geller: Cassie?!\nCassie Geller: Hey Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nCassie Geller: It's been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Oh, that's right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didn't.\nCassie Geller: Ah yeah, sorry about that.\nRoss Geller: It's okay. Come, come on in.\nCassie Geller: Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monica's place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nCassie Geller: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. Yeah I-I have a knack for impressions.\nCassie Geller: Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me.\nRoss Geller: Yeah-No!!\nRoss Geller: Cassie, how you-how you doin' on that...hot dog.\nCassie Geller: I'm all done.\nRoss Geller: Thank God.\nCassie Geller: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.\nRoss Geller: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you 'til you cried? We're probably too old to do that now.\nCassie Geller: I'll always remember that summer, because it's when I got all of these freckles.\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related.\nCassie Geller: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?\nRoss Geller: Well I'm, I'm a little slow. Just as our children would be.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nWoman: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: How are you? Good. Hi, thanks for coming.\nWoman: Oh thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you. No? All right. Oh, it's so nice to see you.\nWoman: No.\nThe Other Woman: No thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Hey Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Who the hell are all these people?\nRachel Green: Well, I don't know. I called all the people in Monica's phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, y'know there's another word for people like that. Losers!\nRachel Green: Hi! I'm Rachel. This is Phoebe. I'm the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?\nWoman: I was her accountant four years ago.\nRachel Green: Ohhhh!\nWoman: I'm very interested to find out who's been doing her taxes these last four years.\nRachel Green: That's great!\nWoman: So, what time is Monica supposed to get here?\nRachel Green: Excuse us for a minute. You didn't tell her to come?!\nPhoebe Buffay: You were supposed to tell her!\nRachel Green: No I wasn't! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine, I'll go call her.\nRachel Green: Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake!\nMonica Geller: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! This looks great!\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. Umm, this one is made of bologna.\nJoey Tribbiani: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?\nMonica Geller: Oh, just until the glue dries.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank God!\nMonica Geller: Now, these are-are more realistic, but perishable.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah.\nMonica Geller: Okay? Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know it's gonna shrink.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well maybe we just take that one away.\nMonica Geller: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, that's really just for me. Okay. So, why don't you go into your room and try these on and we'll see-get a better idea of what's gonna work.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ow!\nMonica Geller: Toothpick?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: What are you trying on now?\nJoey Tribbiani: The fruit roll up.\nMonica Geller: And?\nJoey Tribbiani: Delicious.\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!\nMonica Geller: What?! Which one?!\nJoey Tribbiani: The Silly Putty! It's not so silly anymore!\nRoss Geller: She's your cousin. She's your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick! Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in.\nCassie Geller: Hey! What the hell are you doing?!\nRoss Geller: Say something clever! Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! I-I, I uh haven't had sex in a very long time. Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! Rachel! It's Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! Oh.\nRachel Green: Oh Monica, we are so sorry.\nMonica Geller: For what?\nRachel Green: Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.\nPhoebe Buffay: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.\nMonica Geller: You al-you already had it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.\nRachel Green: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you don't have either.\nPhoebe Buffay: We ruined everything.\nRachel Green: Ugh...\nMonica Geller: Well no wait a minute that's not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.\nRachel Green: What do you, what do you mean?\nMonica Geller: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents without having to talk to people I don't even like!\nRachel Green: Surprise...\nPhoebe Buffay: Sur-surprise.\nRachel Green: ...Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: And what's cool is, the character is from Naples, right?\nThe Director: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: My whole family's from Naples!\nThe Director: Oh that's great! Okay, well I've heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie...\nThe Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. I totally understand. You need to y'know make sure I don't have any horrible scars or tattoos. Don't you worry; I have nothing to hide. So there you go, that's me. One hundred percent natural! I tell ya, that has never happened before.\nPhoebe Buffay: Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there?\nCassie Geller: Yeah! Thank you so much for letting me stay here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! No problem! I...\nCassie Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! She's not your cousin!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably Monica and Chandler.\nWoman: Hi. Could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please?\nGunther: Oh umm, uh we don't sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street.\nWoman: That'd be great, thanks.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don't think I have the energy for this.\nMelissa Warburton: Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?!\nRachel Green: Melissa!\nMelissa Warburton: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, what's up with you?!\nRachel Green: Wh-Why don't I tell you over here?\nMelissa Warburton: So last I heard you were gonna get married. Oh poor Ray-ray.\nRachel Green: Oh no-no, no! It's good! It's all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren!\nMelissa Warburton: Shut up!\nRachel Green: I will not! I'm the divisional head of men's sportswear!\nMelissa Warburton: Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph?\nRachel Green: Oh please...\nMelissa Warburton: Are you?!\nRachel Green: No.\nMelissa Warburton: Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow night?\nRachel Green: Oh tomorrow, oh I don't know. Um...\nMelissa Warburton: You do now. You're having dinner with me.\nRachel Green: Shut up.\nMelissa Warburton: I-I've got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! Oh, there you are. Umm, so listen, just call me. Here's my card.\nRachel Green: Oh, wow thanks! Oh you're in real estate!\nMelissa Warburton: Oh no, that's-that's an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.\nRachel Green: Wow! What do you do now?\nMelissa Warburton: I'm a party planner. I'll see you tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys! Look who's back! It's Ray-ray!\nRachel Green: Shut up that was my friend Melissa from college.\nRoss Geller: She seems really, really fun!\nRachel Green: She's actually very sweet and we used to be very close.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, she isn't... She's not the one who you...\nJoey Tribbiani: Who you what? Who you what?!\nRachel Green: Yes.\nMonica Geller: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you-what?!!\nRachel Green: It's not a big deal!\nMonica Geller: They were lovers.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRachel Green: No we weren't! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and y'know, ended up...kissing for a bit.\nRoss Geller: So that's two of my wives.\nMonica Geller: Okay so this is where the band is. And this is where the bar is. And all these pins have people's names on them. And Rach, here you are.\nRachel Green: Oh wow. Why don't we just take me and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. These pins aren't for playing are they?\nMonica Geller: Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.\nChandler Bing: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, relax it's not a contest. Certainly not a close one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach.\nRachel Green: Stop picturing it!!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I think that's it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like they're having fun don't they?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Let's see, well...if this is the wedding hall then umm you're parents will be at home in Queens.\nJoey Tribbiani: What they're not invited?! Oh no, that's terrible! They're gonna be crushed!\nMonica Geller: Why would they think they're invited?\nJoey Tribbiani: You got me. I don't...\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm sorry. I thought parents were coming! Y'know? Your parents are comin'! Chandler's parents are comin'! Ross's parents are comin'!\nMonica Geller: Ross's parents are my parents!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well-well-see? Parents are comin'!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I think we should invite them.\nMonica Geller: Oh please, you just want more blue pins.\nChandler Bing: Well this is just sad!\nMonica Geller: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!\nRachel Green: That is not a problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you'll order a little sangria?\nRachel Green: Oh, get out of here!\nRachel Green: So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if there's anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.\nChandler Bing: Well, thanks a lot for hookin' me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.\nRachel Green: I'm Monica's maid of honor. Okay? Don't try to blue pin me!\nChandler Bing: Well, what's the deal with these? These-these look nice.\nRachel Green: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when they're done with them they just send 'em back.\nChandler Bing: You mean like for award shows?\nRachel Green: Some of them.\nChandler Bing: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, \"You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!\"\nRachel Green: Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E!?\nChandler Bing: Okay, who wore those?\nRachel Green: Umm, well let's see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.\nChandler Bing: Not bad.\nRachel Green: This one is uh Paul O'Neil.\nChandler Bing: Who's that?\nRachel Green: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!\nChandler Bing: Pierce Brosnan?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: 007?! This is James Bond's tux?!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Oh, I have to get married in James Bond's tux!\nRachel Green: It's a pretty cool tux.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's not just that, I would be England's most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majesty's secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. Would Monica let me wear this?\nJoey Tribbiani: We should really learn how to play the real way.\nPhoebe Buffay: I like our way. Oh! Chess!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice move.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm performing the ceremony. I'm not wearing a tux.\nRachel Green: Well, what are you going to wear?\nJoey Tribbiani: Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.\nRachel Green: Huh. Does Monica know about this?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't think so.\nRachel Green: Can I please be there when you tell her?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?\nRachel Green: Oh, y'know what? I can't. I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I come?! I won't even talk! You'll just hear the noise from my video camera.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is this? What's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?!\nRachel Green: Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey's lewd version?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey's!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay...\nRachel Green: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time...she and I y'know...kissed a little bit.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm sure that happened.\nRachel Green: It-it did!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. It happened!\nRachel Green: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!\nPhoebe Buffay: Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why are you taking this away from me?\nRachel Green: Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! I just-I didn't know that you are a lesbian.\nRachel Green: I'm not saying that I'm a lesbian! I'm just saying that this happened!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, it just seems pretty wild and you're so-y'know so...vanilla.\nRachel Green: Vanilla?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I'm not vanilla! I've done lots of crazy things! I mean I got-I got drunk and married in Vegas!\nPhoebe Buffay: To Ross.\nRachel Green: All right, y'know what? If you don't want to believe me about this, why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay! All right! Yeah! 'Cause I just can't picture it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-ho, you should get inside my head.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding!\nChandler Bing: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?\nRoss Geller: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman's tux!\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: That's right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film...that Batman film he was in.\nChandler Bing: You can't wear that! I'm wearing the famous tux! James Bond's tux!\nRoss Geller: So?\nChandler Bing: So-If you wear that you'll make mine less special.\nRoss Geller: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.\nChandler Bing: Please, don't take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!\nRoss Geller: Pretty please? Not very uh, 007.\nChandler Bing: Look, it's my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.\nRoss Geller: When I got married you slept with my sister.\nChandler Bing: That was pretty 007.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey. Oh good-good you're here! All right, I figured it out. I'm gonna take two tables of eight, I'm gonna add your parents, and I'm gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, they're not coming.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They...feel a little unwanted.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's too bad. It's true, but too bad.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Mon, if you could just call my mom...\nMonica Geller: Oh Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! Look just-just tell-let her know that you really want them to be there. Let's not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.\nMonica Geller: No she hasn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is it her fault that some of them didn't make it to you?\nMonica Geller: Well, what am I going to say?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. Just uh, just tell 'em it was a mix-up with the invitations, or-No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I don't think you can blame it on them so...\nMonica Geller: Hello? Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? Hi, this is Monica Geller. Yeah I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent weren't delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! T-Tell me about it! Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! What are they Irish?!\nMelissa Warburton: ...anyway, his name is Allan and we've been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh, that's great!\nMelissa Warburton: Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course! Yeah, I was uh, umm Thigh Mega Tampon.\nMelissa Warburton: What one?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Y'know, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning.\nMelissa Warburton: Oh, isn't a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch?\nRachel Green: Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin' Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.\nMelissa Warburton: What?\nRachel Green: Remember?! We-come on both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the coconut bikini tops...\nMelissa Warburton: Yeah?\nRachel Green: ...we went back the house and we got really silly and we...we made out.\nMelissa Warburton: Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what you're talking about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nChandler Bing: Ross is Batman!\nMonica Geller: Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.\nChandler Bing: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?! 007 has all those gadgets!\nChandler Bing: Batman has a utility belt!\nMonica Geller: 007 has a fancy car!\nChandler Bing: Batman has the Batmobile!\nMonica Geller: 007 gets all the ladies.\nChandler Bing: Batman has Robin! We get ESPN right?\nMonica Geller: How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo and I'll make you a nice martini.\nChandler Bing: Actually, I don't like martinis.\nMonica Geller: How about a Youhoo with a funny straw?\nChandler Bing: Ooh, yum!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?\nMonica Geller: The show?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, it's gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?\nMonica Geller: Have you ever been to one of my weddings?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is it's the same day as my niece's christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. 'Cause my part's just in the beginning I'm not even in the rest of the show-Wedding!\nMonica Geller: The wedding starts at six.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little 'til they get there?\nMonica Geller: You'll vamp?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah y'know, like warm up the crowd. Ask 'em where they're from. 'Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. I'm a minis-tainer! There is no one better! There is no one greater!\nRachel Green: How can you not remember us kissing?!\nMelissa Warburton: I don't know. I don't remember a lot of things that never happened.\nRachel Green: Wh... Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldn't stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin' together?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, somewhere Joey's head is exploding.\nRachel Green: Yeah-but come on-Listen, I'm sorry I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn't believe me.\nMelissa Warburton: I'm sorry Ray-ray. I mean if I thought it happened I would say it. Maybe I passed out and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping.\nRachel Green: No!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel, it's okay. You don't have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.\nRachel Green: Thank you Phoebe.\nMelissa Warburton: She didn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: You just carry that around?\nRoss Geller: Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece.\nMonica Geller: Between you and...\nRoss Geller: Gunther. Hey-hey! Why don't we put them on? Y'know get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.\nChandler Bing: I would but mine doesn't fit. The pants are a little tight.\nMonica Geller: A little tight? I could see double-oh and seven in those pants.\nRoss Geller: Well that stinks. I was looking forward to us wearing our celebrity tuxes together.\nChandler Bing: Well, does that mean that you're not going to wearing yours?\nRoss Geller: What are you kidding? It's Batman's tux!!\nChandler Bing: Let me try it on!\nRoss Geller: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin' in there.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! What's this?\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didn't wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!\nRoss Geller: Let me see that! Oh man!\nChandler Bing: The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?\nMonica Geller: All right that's it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I don't care!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. They're so happy they get to be a part of your special day.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're welcome. And tell them we're really glad they're coming.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this is for party time.\nRachel Green: It happened! I am telling you it happened!\nMelissa Warburton: Okay. Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I don't think I'll be calling you because umm, y'know you've gotten weird. Take care you guys.\nRachel Green: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I'm not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you don't remember that, maybe you will remember this!\nMelissa Warburton: My God! You love me!\nRachel Green: What?\nMelissa Warburton: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin' together I... I just didn't want to tell you 'cause I didn't think that you'd return my love, and now that you have...\nRachel Green: Whoa! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa! Whoa!\nMelissa Warburton: Aww, look who's being suddenly shy. You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel. Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it.\nRachel Green: I-I-I-I'm just...I'm just a good kisser!\nMelissa Warburton: Shut up!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry!\nMelissa Warburton: Oh you don't have to be sorry. I'm...I'm obviously kidding. I'm not in love with you. I'm not in love with her. I don't hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I don't...picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh...kiss good-bye? No? Okay.\nRachel Green: Wow! I mean I had no idea that that was gonna...\nRachel Green: What the hell was that?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.\nRachel Green: And?\nPhoebe Buffay: I've had better.\nChandler Bing: All right! I found one that fits!\nRachel Green: Well y'know what they say, the 23rd time's the charm. Aww, look at you all handsome!\nChandler Bing: Whose is it?\nRachel Green: Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.\nChandler Bing: Whose is it?\nRachel Green: I don't want to say.\nChandler Bing: Oh, come on! I don't care! Come on! Whose is it?\nRachel Green: Diane Keeton."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Do you realize that four weeks from today we're getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!\nChandler Bing: Do you realize you get louder each week?\nMonica Geller: There's still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?\nChandler Bing: I figured I'd buy those. Pat, I'd like to buy a vow.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.\nChandler Bing: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?\nMonica Geller: No! But I know exactly what I'm going to say.\nChandler Bing: Do you happen to know what I'm going to say?\nMonica Geller: Let's just do it right now. Okay? It won't be hard. Just say what's in your heart.\nChandler Bing: Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! What's wrong with me? Ooh, don't open that door.\nChandler Bing: Monica, there are no words... There are no words! This should not be this hard!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, uh... Oh hey, you've done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?\nRoss Geller: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.\nChandler Bing: I'm so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You should've seen her. Writing, writing, writing!\nRachel Green: Monica what?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRachel Green: What is the emergency?!\nMonica Geller: You have to help me! I'm supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this!\nRachel Green: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small.\nMonica Geller: Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Well, why don't you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm not sure I can do that.\nRoss Geller: ...everyone, this is Chandler!\nMonica Geller: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, \"Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more.\"\nChandler Bing: All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?\nMonica Geller: Ennnh.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well maybe you don't talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about y'know all the things that he's taught you. Like... Or all the things you taught him.\nMonica Geller: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got one, two three, four , five, six, and seven!\nChandler Bing: There are seven?! That's one?\nMonica Geller: It's kind of an important one!\nChandler Bing: Oh, y'know-y'know what, I was looking at it upside down.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know, sometimes that helps.\nMonica Geller: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 ...7...7...7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7...!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, \"Monica...\nChandler Bing: Monica...\nJoey Tribbiani: \"...when I look back over our time together...\"\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I can't do everything! Look back over your time together.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.\nMonica Geller: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?\nChandler Bing: You'll get one.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah? When?\nChandler Bing: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?\nMonica Geller: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.\nMonica Geller: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?\nChandler Bing: No, no, no.\nMonica Geller: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?\nChandler Bing: Uh, uh.\nMonica Geller: Well?\nChandler Bing: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!\nRoss Geller: I'm getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!\nMonica Geller: Do you think he knew I was here?\nChandler Bing: Nice try.\nMonica Geller: Wait, wait, wait!\nChandler Bing: Look, Monica...\nMonica Geller: Look!\nChandler Bing: This is not going to work.\nMonica Geller: I bet this will work!\nChandler Bing: You are so great! I love you!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Nothing! I said, I said \"You're so great\" and then I just, I just stopped talking!\nMonica Geller: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!\nChandler Bing: No I didn't!\nMonica Geller: Yes, you did!\nChandler Bing: No I didn't!\nMonica Geller: You love me!\nChandler Bing: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!\nChandler Bing: Y'know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?\nMonica Geller: Then all your stuff would be here.\nChandler Bing: Well, what if all my stuff was here?\nMonica Geller: Then you'd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn't make any sense.\nChandler Bing: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I'm saying?\nMonica Geller: You wanted it to be a surprise.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Chandler... In all my life... I never thought I would be so lucky. As to...fall in love with my best...my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this!\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought... Wait a minute, I-I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can we come it yet?! We're dying out here!\nMonica Geller: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey, what have you guys been up to?\nRoss Geller: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.\nJoey Tribbiani: How is \"Monica, I love your sweet ass,\" inappropriate?\nRoss Geller: How's Monica coming along with her vows?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well let's just say its she's lucky she has a sweet ass, 'cause she's not so good at the writing.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe in four weeks they're gonna be married!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well let's just hope it works. Y'know nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?\nRoss Geller: Phoebe that's not true.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you're right. How's the Mrs.?\nRachel Green: I can't believe they've been together for three years.\nJoey Tribbiani: Has it been that long?!\nRoss Geller: Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!\nChandler Bing: I've had a very long, hard day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?\nChandler Bing: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.\nMonica Geller: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-Diet Coke.\nRachel Green: I don't know why they didn't just tell us.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I mean it's not like we weren't cool about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: You?! And-and you?!\nMonica Geller: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!\nJoey Tribbiani: How?! When?!\nChandler Bing: It happened in London.\nJoey Tribbiani: IN LONDON!!!\nChandler Bing: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!\nChandler Bing: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!\nMonica Geller: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!\nMonica Geller: I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.\nChandler Bing: Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname?\nMonica Geller: Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...\nRachel Green: Arghh!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!\nRachel Green: OH MY GOD!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!\nPhoebe Buffay: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!\nRachel Green: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!\nPhoebe Buffay: YOU KNOW?!!!\nRachel Green: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!\nRoss Geller: What's going on?\nRachel Green: HI!! Hi!\nRoss Geller: What?! What?!\nRachel Green: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!\nRoss Geller: Actually, it looks really good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Get in here!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!\nPhoebe Buffay: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own\nRachel Green: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.\nMonica Geller: Bye!\nEveryone: Bye!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye Chandler! I miss you already.\nChandler Bing: Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!\nMonica Geller: Actually, I did!\nChandler Bing: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe knows about us!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I didn't tell them!\nMonica Geller: Them?! Who's them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.\nMonica Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!\nMonica Geller: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So...\nChandler Bing: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!\nRachel Green: Are you kidding?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nRachel Green: I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! Joey, do they know that we know?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRachel Green: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: They know you know.\nRachel Green: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!\nPhoebe Buffay: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! Joey, you can't say anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't even if I wanted too.\nChandler Bing: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!\nMonica Geller: She's bluffing!\nChandler Bing: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this!\nPhoebe Buffay: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?!\nRachel Green: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh!\nRachel Green: Okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like that! Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey! Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not my first time.\nMonica Geller: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!\nChandler Bing: Okay, give me a second! Did you clean up in here?\nMonica Geller: Of course.\nChandler Bing: Oh, you're-you're going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, not without you, lover. So, this is my bra.\nChandler Bing: It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: You should be. I'm very bendy. I'm gonna kiss you now.\nChandler Bing: Not if I kiss you first.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh.\nChandler Bing: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here it comes. Our first kiss.\nChandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!\nPhoebe Buffay: And why not?!\nChandler Bing: Because I'm in love with Monica!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You're-you're what?!\nChandler Bing: Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! I love you, Monica.\nMonica Geller: I love you too Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!\nJoey Tribbiani: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!\nMonica Geller: Well actually, Ross doesn't.\nChandler Bing: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.\nRoss Geller: No! No! Wh... What are you doing?!! GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know, you're friend's getting married, it's gotta change things.\nRachel Green: You really think it would be that different?\nPhoebe Buffay: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they're gonna be having kids, and then they're just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe they're gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.\nRachel Green: Well, things change.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want them to move to a Volvo dealership!\nRoss Geller: It'll be okay Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, I just...I like things the way they are.\nRachel Green: Hey, who's this little naked guy?\nRoss Geller: That little naked guy would be me.\nRachel Green: Aww, look at the little thing.\nRoss Geller: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?\nChandler Bing: Who are those people?\nRoss Geller: Got me.\nMonica Geller: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.\nRachel Green: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?\nMonica Geller: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?\nRoss Geller: Looks like a fun gang.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!\nRoss Geller: Nono, that would be me again.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you guys!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nRachel Green: Well, we were just talkin' about you guys gettin' married and how great it is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If that's what you really want.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's so sweet.\nChandler Bing: So we both finished our vows.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh, can we read them?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I don't hear Chandler's and he doesn't hear mine.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that's beautiful.\nJoey Tribbiani: Funny one! That's good!\nRachel Green: Monica, will-will you marry me?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? I don't get it.\nRoss Geller: Oh man, this is hilarious.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!!\nChandler Bing: Don't worry honey, we'll make yours funnier.\nChandler Bing: Okay, what do you guys think?\nRoss Geller: Dude!\nJoey Tribbiani: I have never known love like this.\nChandler Bing: You really like it?\nRoss Geller: Dude! How-how did you write this?\nChandler Bing: I stole Monica's and changed the name.\nRoss Geller: You can't do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: If he goes first he can!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey uh Mon, I saw the Porsche parked out front, can I get the keys? Thought I'd take that bad boy out for a little spin.\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! You let Ross drive the Porsche and when I ask you, you say you're the only one who's allowed to drive it.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, well he's my brother! And plus he drives so slow he could never hurt it.\nRoss Geller: It's a car Monica! Not a rocket ship!\nMonica Geller: Whatever Ross! Just replace the bulbs in the brake lights after you're done.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Saw the Porsche out there Mon, lookin' good. When do I get to take that baby out again?\nRachel Green: You let Joey drive it?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I've never driven it! Okay? Not once! Okay once. Okay, I drive it all the time.\nMonica Geller: Nice work everybody! So much for the y'know, \"You can drive it, but don't tell Rachel\" plan!\nRachel Green: Wow! I can't believe you lied to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding.\nMonica Geller: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I won't let you drive the Porsche is because you're a terrible driver. There! That wasn't about the wedding.\nRoss Geller: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche I'll be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you got a couple hours?\nRoss Geller: Whew! That was a brisk ride!\nRachel Green: Take the top down did ya?\nRoss Geller: Only way to fly.\nRachel Green: Come on Ross give me the keys! Monica does not know what she's talking about! I am an excellent driver!\nRoss Geller: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.\nRachel Green: Well in High School, that added up to head cheerleader.\nRoss Geller: Did you see the look that girl just gave me? Huh? She must've seen me cruising in the bad boy.\nRachel Green: I think she's checking out your beehive Ross.\nRoss Geller: What?! Give-give me a brush.\nRachel Green: Gimme the keys!\nRoss Geller: No way!\nRachel Green: Well no brush!\nRoss Geller: Fine! Y'know what? It doesn't matter, because, if I remember correctly, there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom.\nRachel Green: Alimony.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, we still haven't gotten an RSVP from your dad.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe that's because I didn't send him an invitation.\nMonica Geller: Chandler! He's your father; he should be at the wedding.\nChandler Bing: I don't even know the man. Okay? We're not the close. I haven't seen him in years.\nMonica Geller: Well what are you gonna do when he finds out he wasn't even asked?!\nChandler Bing: Well he doesn't have to know! It's not like we run in the same circles. I hang out with you guys, and he stars in a drag show in Vegas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, I think I wanna trade circles.\nChandler Bing: Trust me, you don't want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.\nMonica Geller: So what! As long as he's not wearing a white dress and a veil I don't care.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I think I need to do some shopping.\nRachel Green: Ahhh! Ooh, nice!\nRachel Green: My God!\nRoss Geller: What do you think you're doing?!\nRachel Green: Just washing the windshield.\nRoss Geller: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why don't you just hand over the keys?\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now!\nRachel Green: Look Ross, if you're so freaked out, just get in the car!\nRoss Geller: With you?! Yeah right!\nRachel Green: All right.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! Okay!\nRachel Green: What are you doing?! Get in the front!\nRoss Geller: In the death seat?!!\nRachel Green: Oh my...\nMan: Hey guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey sweetie!\nMan: Ready to go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Sure! Ooh, I left my purse up at Monica's. I'll be right back.\nMan: Wait a minute!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Oh. Ooh. Whoa! That one kept going.\nJoey Tribbiani: So! You and Phoebe huh? How long have you been going out?\nMan: Over a month.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Maybe uh, maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better.\nMan: Sure, I'd like that.\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh, what's your name?\nMan: Its Jake.\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey. Hey Jake, do you like the Knicks?\nJake: Yeah, big fan.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too! There's a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?\nJake: Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure I'm not doing anything Tuesday.\nMonica Geller: Here!\nChandler Bing: What's this?\nMonica Geller: It's your suitcase. We're going to Las Vegas.\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowers-Think of the money we'll save!! We're not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?\nMonica Geller: We're going to Las Vegas to see your dad. It's time you two talked, and I want to get to know my father-in-law.\nChandler Bing: Y'know we already went over this and I won!\nMonica Geller: No you didn't. Oh and honey just so you know, now that you're marrying me, you don't get to win anymore.\nChandler Bing: Look forget it okay? I don't want to go. I don't want to see him. I don't wanna.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know...\nChandler Bing: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, you'd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Y'know it's hard enough to be fourteen. You're skinny. You're wearing speedoes-That your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and there's your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!\nMonica Geller: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? That's a, that's a pretty great dad.\nChandler Bing: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!\nMonica Geller: Who's Mr. Girabaldi?\nChandler Bing: Does it matter?!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you're not fourteen anymore. Okay? Maybe it's time that you let that stuff go. If your father's not at your wedding...you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life.\nChandler Bing: Yeah o-okay, but I'm just doing this for you.\nMonica Geller: Yes!\nChandler Bing: So I really never get to win anymore?\nMonica Geller: How much did ever really win before?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen, you know how uh, when you're wearing pants and you lean forward I check out your underwear?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, when Jake did it I saw that...he was wearing women's underwear!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. They were mine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. No! No wait, that's weird!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's weird!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm wearing his briefs right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's...kinda hot.\nPhoebe Buffay: I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: And! Y'know what Jake says? That women's underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah well next thing you know, he'll be telling you that your high heels are good for his posture!\nPhoebe Buffay: There is nothing wrong with Jake! Okay? He is all man! I'm thinking even more than you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laceys.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in women's underwear! I don't think you could ever do that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I am secure with my masculinity.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay whatever.\nJoey Tribbiani: You've seen my huge stack of porn right?\nRachel Green: God. I forgot how much I love driving. I have got to get my license renewed.\nRoss Geller: You don't have a valid driver's license-Okay that is it! Pull over right now!\nRachel Green: Oh Ross you're so tense! You just gotta relax okay? Just need to relax all right? Just need to relax...\nRoss Geller: What-what are you doing?! Are you-Okay that's not funny! Just stop horsing around!\nRachel Green: I am not horsing around okay? I am Porsching around.\nRachel Green: Uh-oh.\nRoss Geller: Okay, stay calm. Nothing is going to happen to you, you are not in that much trouble.\nRachel Green: Really? You think so?\nRoss Geller: I was talking to myself! You're going down!\nWaiter In Drag: You're straight. I get it.\nMonica Geller: I still say that if we had called your dad we coulda gotten better seats.\nChandler Bing: No! No! I don't want him to know we're yet! I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And besides he's not gonna be too happy to see me either.\nMonica Geller: Why not?!\nChandler Bing: I don't know if I've told you this, but he's kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he's made phone calls, written letters, he even came to New York, but I always said I was too busy to see him. Y'know it's all very Cats in the Cradle-I don't want to get into it. Here we go.\nAnnouncer: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the incomparable Helena Handbasket!\nHelena: Hello darlings.\nChandler Bing: And there's daddy!\nRachel Green: Okay. Switch places with me! Switch places with me! Come on! I'll go under, you go over!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'll get right on that.\nRachel Green: Oh come on Ross!!\nRoss Geller: No Rach! Come on! No-no! Yeah, I'm sure we won't get arrested for this.\nRachel Green: Hi officer, was I going a little too fast?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nPoliceman: Can I see your license please?\nRachel Green: Oh yes, absolutely! Y'know, it's weird uh, but I had a dream last night where I was stopped by a policeman. And then he uh...well I probably shouldn't tell you the rest.\nPoliceman: Your license?\nRachel Green: Yes. Here you go Officer uh, Handsome.\nPoliceman: That's Hanson.\nRachel Green: Oops sorry, my mistake.\nRoss Geller: Dear Lord!!\nPoliceman: Wow!\nRoss Geller: Here it comes.\nPoliceman: This is a great picture.\nRachel Green: Really?! You think so? Y'know, I had just rolled out of bed.\nPoliceman: Yeah? Well you look phenomenal.\nRoss Geller: Well she should, it was taken ten years ago!\nRachel Green: Y'know you're-you're probably wondering about the old date on there.\nPoliceman: Yes I am.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPoliceman: You're an Aquarius, huh?\nRachel Green: I bet you're a Gemini.\nPoliceman: Nope.\nRachel Green: Taurus?\nPoliceman: Nope.\nRachel Green: Virgo?\nPoliceman: Nope.\nRachel Green: Sagittarius?\nPoliceman: Yep.\nRachel Green: I knew it! I knew it, ahh...\nPoliceman: Well I tell you what...\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nPoliceman: You're not gonna speed anymore right?\nRachel Green: I won't speed.\nPoliceman: And you promise you'll get this taken care of right away?\nRachel Green: I promise.\nPoliceman: And in the meantime you better let him drive. Does he have a license?\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nPoliceman: Can he handle the stick?\nRachel Green: Oh well...\nRoss Geller: I can handle the stick!!\nHelena: I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and...\nEveryone: Gay!\nMonica Geller: That can't be your father.\nChandler Bing: Believe me, I've been saying that for years. Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: That's Mr. Girabaldi playing the piano.\nHelena: For I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy! Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars.\nChandler Bing: He's coming into the audience. He's coming into the audience.\nMonica Geller: Relax! You'll be fine. Oh much better. You're invisible now.\nHelena: Where are you from?\nGuy: Bakersfield.\nHelena: I'm sorry?\nGuy: Bakersfield!\nHelena: No-no I heard! I'm just sorry.\nChandler Bing: It can't happen like this. Okay? I'll meet you back at the hotel.\nHelena: Oh look, a standing ovation already! So early in the show. Oh turn around honey; let me see your pretty face.\nMonica Geller: Can we have our drinks please?! Waiter-Uh, tress!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out. How much of a man am I?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I'm beginning to see what Jake was talking about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: The silk? Feels really good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! And-and things aren't as...smashed down as I thought they were gonna be.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's great Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! And you have so many more choices than you do with men's underwear!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bikini, French cut, thong! And-and the fabrics! You've got cotton, silk, lace! And y'know what I've always wondered about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm?\nJoey Tribbiani: Pantyhose! Y'know? They way they start at your toe and go all the way up to here... I should go take these off shouldn't I?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think it's important that you do.\nHelena: So what's your name?\nChandler Bing: Chandler.\nHelena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You must've had terribly fascinating parents.\nChandler Bing: Oh, they're a hoot.\nHelena: And who is your friend?\nMonica Geller: I'm-I'm Monica.\nHelena: Monica! Where are you from?\nMonica Geller: New York.\nHelena: I'm not very fond of New York. Queens I like. Ooh, what is this sparkle something! Honey! Huh?\nChandler Bing: Actually Monica and I are engaged.\nHelena: Really?! Congratulations. When's the big day?\nMonica Geller: In...in two weeks.\nHelena: I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. So you're bald?\nChandler Bing: Wait! Wait! We'd really love it if you could be there.\nHelena: We?\nChandler Bing: I know it would make me happy, ma'am.\nHelena: Well I wouldn't miss it for the world. Oh! I'm getting all misty here! You'd think I was having my legs waxed or something.\nMonica Geller: You okay?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Thanks for making me do this.\nHelena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life... It's raining men!\nThe Chorus Line: Hallelujah!\nHelena: It's raining men!\nThe Chorus Line: Amen!\nChandler Bing: When I was growing up I...played the one on the far left.\nRachel Green: Remind me to introduce you to someone!\nRoss Geller: Who?\nRachel Green: Fourth gear!!\nRoss Geller: What?! What does he want?! I wasn't doing anything!\nRachel Green: Well maybe he saw your hand slip briefly from the ten and two o'clock position.\nRoss Geller: Maybe it's uh Sergeant Sagittarius coming back to flirt some more!\nRachel Green: It's a different guy!\nRoss Geller: Good evening officer.\nPoliceman: Do you know how fast you were traveling back there?\nRoss Geller: Ah no. I don't, but it could not have been more than sixty.\nPoliceman: You're right. It was 37.\nRoss Geller: I mean you're not gonna give me a-a ticket for driving too slow are ya?\nPoliceman: That's right.\nRoss Geller: Y'know of-officer I uh...I had the weirdest dream last night...\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nPoliceman: Your license please.\nRoss Geller: You don't-you don't want to hear about my dream Officer...Pretty?\nPoliceman: It's Petty. I'll be right back with your ticket.\nRachel Green: You have a son!\nRoss Geller: I know. I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Feel better?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Much! Listen uh, not that I'm y'know insecure about my manhood or anything y'know, but I think I need to hook up with a woman like right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Okay! Hey! Hi!\nWoman: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?\nWoman: I don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Maybe it's because I'm on television. I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.\nWoman: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nWoman: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hm-mmm.\nWaitress: $4.50 please.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, let me get this. These are for you."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll all be here in the coffee house as six single people?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?! What's happening to the coffee house?! Oh!\nChandler Bing: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.\nMonica Geller: Old?\nChandler Bing: The young hot ball and chain.\nMonica Geller: That's much better.\nRachel Green: Op! We gotta go!\nRoss Geller: Oh, where are you guys going?\nMonica Geller: We're gonna pick up the wedding dress then we're gonna have lunch with mom.\nRoss Geller: Ah. Joey you're-you're having lunch with my mom?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Actually I'm kinda glad they're leaving 'cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.\nChandler Bing: What's up?\nRoss Geller: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.\nChandler Bing: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.\nRoss Geller: No, its...Its not that. Umm, now what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay? I'm-I'm saying as it as Monica's older brother.\nChandler Bing: But you're still my friend?\nRoss Geller: Not for the next few minutes.\nChandler Bing: During this time...are you, are you still my best man?\nRoss Geller: Nope.\nChandler Bing: Do I still call you Ross?\nRoss Geller: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica's older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! What? I'm-I'm-I'm serious! Come-Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I'm-I'm not kidding here!\nChandler Bing: Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.\nRoss Geller: No problem.\nChandler Bing: So are we...friends again?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Okay. You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!\nRachel Green: What 'cha doing Mon?\nMonica Geller: I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are they?\nMonica Geller: Well, so far I have uh, my bride's maids dresses won't get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don't have my something blue.\nRachel Green: Hey! Those are all the things I'm responsible for!\nMonica Geller: I had to go with the odds Rach.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn't get the part?\nRachel Green: The commercial?\nJoey Tribbiani: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: That play?\nJoey Tribbiani: No!\nMonica Geller: That other play?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooo!\nPhoebe Buffay: The movie?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes that's the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! Back then y'know, we called the Great War. It really was!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!\nPhoebe Buffay: Congratulations!\nRachel Green: Oh that's great!\nMonica Geller: Wait! Wait! Wait! You can't start today! Today's the rehearsal dinner!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, I'll be done by then.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Well then way to go you big movie star!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! All right, I'll see you guys over there! I'm off to fight the Nazis.\nRachel Green: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I?\nPhoebe Buffay: Go ahead.\nRachel Green: You're gonna be late! Go! Go!\nMonica Geller: Who did we fight in World War I?\nRachel Green: Mexico?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Very good.\nThe Assistant Director: Hey Joey! We're ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Me too.\nThe Assistant Director: Richard? We're ready for you. Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby he's playing Vincent.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm doing my scenes with you?\nRichard Burke: Nice to meet you Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! I can't believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!\nRichard Burke: No I didn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think you did.\nRichard Burke: I think I lost. Three times.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh...Cookie?\nThe Director: Okay! We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys don't mind, can we run it a couple of times?\nRichard Burke: Yeah, sure.\nThe Director: Okay, all right. Let's do it. And...Action!\nJoey Tribbiani: We have to find the rest of the platoon!\nRichard Burke: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRichard Burke: The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!\nJoey Tribbiani: So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food!\nRichard Burke: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!\nThe Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. Nope, I uh...I th-I thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Y'know? He's uh, he's a face toucher.\nThe Director: I don't think so. Let's take it back to Richard's last line. Action!\nRichard Burke: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna!\nMonica Geller: Honey, we gotta go!\nChandler Bing: Okay. Here's a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.\nMonica Geller: I don't have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does.\nChandler Bing: Yes, include more people in this.\nMonica Geller: Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we'll be getting married?\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: I just, I can't believe that we made it!\nChandler Bing: Well you don't have to sound so surprised.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry but...nothing.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Well...honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for something to, to flip you out.\nChandler Bing: Honestly? Me too.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Y'know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and I'll go all...Chandler. But nothing has.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean it's really, it's made me stay calm. I coulda been worse!\nChandler Bing: Okay. I'll be right there.\nMonica Geller: Hi! If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler. But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!\nMonica Geller: Hey Maureen! Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.\nChandler Bing: We're the Bings.\nRachel Green: Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful!\nChandler Bing: Mr. and Mrs. Bing!\nRoss Geller: Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.\nMonica Geller: What is that?\nRoss Geller: Well I...I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, please! My make-up!\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nNora Tyler Bing: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Mom. Thanks for wearing something.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there'll be lots of little Bings.\nMonica Geller: Mrs. Bing? Here, these are my parents umm, Judy and Jack Geller.\nJudy Geller: It's lovely to meet you.\nJack Geller: So are you his mother or his father?\nJudy Geller: Jack!\nJack Geller: What?! I've never seen one before!\nMonica Geller: Dad! There's Ross , why don't you go talk to him?\nJack Geller: I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it!\nCharles Bing: Hello all!\nChandler Bing: Hi...dad.\nMonica Geller: Hi Mr...Bing.\nCharles Bing: Nora!\nNora Tyler Bing: Charles.\nMonica Geller: It-it's so great to see you both here.\nCharles Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?\nNora Tyler Bing: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nJack Geller: ...of course you can kick his ass son.\nJudy Geller: You could kick anyone's ass you want too.\nRoss Geller: Thanks you guys.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandler's dad and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom?\nRachel Green: Yeah! But I don't know what he looks like!\nMonica Geller: He is the man in the black dress.\nRachel Green: Man in the black dress... Hi! I'm Rachel! I'm a friend of Monica and Chandler's!\nWoman: I'm Amanda.\nRachel Green: Oh I get it! A...man...duh!\nRoss Geller: Can I have everyone's attention please? I'm uh; I'm Ross Geller.\nJack Geller: Doctor Ross Geller.\nRoss Geller: Dad...dad, please! As I was saying umm, I'm Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and I'm the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple we're here to celebrate. To the Bings.\nEveryone: To the Bings!\nMonica Geller: All right, I'm gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?\nRachel Green: I'll do it.\nMonica Geller: Who wants it? Anybody?\nRachel Green: I said I'll do it!\nMonica Geller: Nobody wants to do it? All right, I'll do it myself.\nRachel Green: Monica! I'm not gonna screw it up!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? You're right, I'm sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.\nRachel Green: Well of course that is what I'm here for!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Sorry.\nRachel Green: Ugh! What grandmother?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Where have you been?\nRoss Geller: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.\nRoss Geller: What? Are you going back to work?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Nice shades.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes at least I won't get spit in the eyes, y'know?\nRoss Geller: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! All right. I'll see you later.\nRoss Geller: Hey, where's Chandler?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I think he's in Rachel's room. See ya.\nRoss Geller: Chandler? Chandler?\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Is uh, is Monica here?\nRachel Green: She's steaming her dress, why? What's up?\nRoss Geller: I think Chandler's gone.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: He left that.\nRachel Green: Tell Monica I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's up? Tell Monica I'm sorry. Tell her yourself!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Chandler just left though!\nRachel Green: Yeah but, maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's tell Monica I'm sorry I...drank the last of the milk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that he's changed his name, y'know? Tell Monica I'm sorry.\nRoss Geller: I think it means he freaked out and left!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't be so negative! Good God! Isn't it possible that Sorry is sitting in there right now?!\nRachel Green: Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do?\nRoss Geller: Look-Okay, I'm just gonna-I'm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay but if you don't find him and bring him back, I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass!\nRoss Geller: I will, I will find him.\nRichard Burke: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up!\nRichard Burke: Just the last two pages.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nRichard Burke: I found the picture!\nJoey Tribbiani: Picture? What picture?\nRichard Burke: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay uh, look I know you're a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff...\nRichard Burke: Oh, thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you're spittin' all over me man!\nRichard Burke: Well of course I am!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know you've been spitting on me?!\nRichard Burke: That's what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Didn't know that.\nRichard Burke: Great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! Picture? What picture? Eh?\nRoss Geller: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?\nGunther: No. No, I haven't seen him.\nRoss Geller: Oh damn!\nGunther: He's getting married tomorrow right?\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Everything's fine. We'll uh, we'll see you tomorrow at the wedding.\nGunther: I wasn't invited.\nRoss Geller: Well then we'll-we'll see you the day after tomorrow. Mom?! Dad?! What-what...what you guys doing here?!\nJack Geller: Well you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about.\nJudy Geller: I certainly see what the girls like coming here.\nRoss Geller: Why?!\nJudy Geller: The sexy blonde behind the counter.\nRoss Geller: Gunther?!\nJack Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.\nRoss Geller: What? Your-your list?\nJudy Geller: Yeah, the list that-of people we're allowed to sleep...\nRoss Geller: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know I'm looking for him?\nJack Geller: And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her.\nThe Director: Action!\nRichard Burke: I found the picture!\nJoey Tribbiani: What picture?!\nRichard Burke: The picture of my wife! In your pack!\nJoey Tribbiani: You went through my personal property?\nRichard Burke: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Because Vincent, we were lovers. For two years!\nThe Director: Cut! Wonderful!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great scene yeah?\nRichard Burke: Oh you're awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks a lot.\nThe Assistant Director: Here's your call sheet for tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm-I'm not working tomorrow.\nThe Assistant Director: You are now.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! I can't! You gotta get me out of it! I've got plans! Important plans!\nRachel Green: Ross said there's still no word from Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh man.\nRachel Green: Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Well there's one down.\nMonica Geller: I'm getting married today!!! I think I just cracked a rib. But I don't care because today's my wedding day! My day is finally here!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know she might not even notice he's gone.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna start getting ready!\nRachel Green: God! Don't-We can't let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up and then she's gonna have to take off the gown...\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can't do this here!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...It's just so sad!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but you've got to pull yourself together! Monica can't see you like this! Then she'll know something's wrong!\nRachel Green: I know. I know. Oh God. There's no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, that's gone too. This is Monica's bathroom right?!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no! I-I...I found one.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you! Oh God! Can I have another one?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure. Do you need some floss?\nRachel Green: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesn't show up!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh here's a whole bunch.\nRachel Green: Oh, I mean she's gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, \"Oh that poor girl.\" Y'know? Then she'll have to come back here and live all alone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it's positive. Monica's pregnant. So I guess she won't be totally alone."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! Monica's gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?\nRachel Green: No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And I'm still holding this.\nRachel Green: Okay Phoebe, we can not tell anyone about this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right.\nRachel Green: Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using?\nRachel Green: No. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it.\nRachel Green: Anything?\nRoss Geller: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn't heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandler's parents again!\nPhoebe Buffay: You told them he was missing?\nRoss Geller: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think I'm interested in them.\nRachel Green: All right, we've got to tell her he's gone.\nRoss Geller: No! Hey! Hey! We can't!\nRachel Green: Ross, she's gonna start getting ready soon!\nRoss Geller: Well, can't you at least stall her a little? I'll-I'll go back to some of the places I went last night.\nRachel Green: All right, well how much time do you need?\nRoss Geller: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?\nRachel Green: One hour.\nRoss Geller: Give me two.\nRachel Green: Then why do you ask?!\nRoss Geller: Okay, wish me luck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. I'm going with you.\nRoss Geller: Why?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ross, you're tired. You've been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.\nRachel Green: All right, I'll see you guys later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her?\nRachel Green: I'll figure something out.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Good luck.\nRachel Green: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair.\nRachel Green: Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me.\nMonica Geller: About what?\nRachel Green: Umm... I'm never gonna getting married!\nMonica Geller: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?\nRachel Green: No Monica! I'm serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.\nMonica Geller: Any woman would be lucky to have ya.\nRachel Green: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.\nMonica Geller: Rachel! You okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Excuse me, Aaron? Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn't supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past four.\nThe Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you. It's not like it's your wedding.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm having surgery!\nThe Director: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But, I'm having surgery today.\nThe Director: What kind of surgery?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Transplant.\nThe Director: But you're supposed to work on Monday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hair transplant.\nThe Director: But you're not bald.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not on my head.\nThe Director: Look Joey, there's nothing I can do. Besides, you're probably gonna be out by four anyway. We've just got one short scene. It's just you and Richard, and God knows he's a pro. You'll be fine. Morning Richard.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You're here! Great! Great! Great! Let's get going buddy, we've got a scene to shoot!\nRichard Burke: I'm wearing two belts.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you drunk?\nRichard Burke: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes you are!\nRichard Burke: All right.\nRoss Geller: We are never gonna find him! He's one guy in a huge city!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Is that him?\nRoss Geller: That is an old, Chinese woman!\nPhoebe Buffay: He could be in disguise, y'know.\nRoss Geller: Aw, y'know...Y'know, maybe we're-we're just approaching this all wrong. If you're Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think you'd go?\nRoss Geller: So this is your office?\nChandler Bing: How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym!\nPhoebe Buffay: What the hell are you doing?!\nChandler Bing: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica. How is she?\nRoss Geller: She's fine. She doesn't know you're gone. And she doesn't have to know, okay? Now come on, we're going home.\nChandler Bing: No! No! No! I can't do that!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?!\nChandler Bing: Because if I go home, we're gonna become the Bings! I can't be the Bings!\nRoss Geller: What's wrong with being the Bings?\nChandler Bing: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!\nRoss Geller: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?\nChandler Bing: No.\nRoss Geller: Then you are neither of your parents!\nChandler Bing: It's not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody's! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And I've met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don't race cars! I don't make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.\nPhoebe Buffay: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.\nChandler Bing: I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afr...It's too huge.\nRoss Geller: Y'know, okay. You're right. It is huge. So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?\nChandler Bing: Well yeah, but then...\nRoss Geller: Yeah-No-but-but-but-but! We're just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that's not scary right?\nChandler Bing: Depends on what you mean by we.\nRachel Green: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes! And that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...\nMonica Geller: The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel I'm sorry! I have to start getting ready! I'm getting married today!\nRachel Green: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour!\nRachel Green: Okay. But wait!\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Let's go to lunch.\nMonica Geller: I can't go to lunch!!\nRachel Green: Right.\nRachel Green: Oh good God! I've fallen down!\nMonica Geller: What's going on?\nRachel Green: Okay. All right. Honey listen. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you.\nMonica Geller: Okay, you're-you're really freaking me out.\nRachel Green: We can't find Chandler...-'s vest. We can't find Chandler's vest.\nMonica Geller: How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Found the vest! I mean we're gonna have to keep an eye on it, y'know make sure we don't lose it again...\nRachel Green: Oh!\nMonica Geller: Oh wow! Okay. Don't scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, \"Oh my God! The worst has happened!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!\nRichard Burke: That can be arranged.\nThe Director: Let's reset.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! He got me! Owwwwww!!!\nThe Director: Let's take it from there.\nRichard Burke: Are you a little off today? It's going terribly slowly.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, my best friends are getting married in like an hour. Okay? And I'm the minister. Please! Please! Can you pull it together?\nRichard Burke: Of course! I'm-I'm sorry. I-I'd hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Thank you.\nThe Director: Still rolling, annnnd action!\nJoey Tribbiani: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!\nRichard Burke: Now, that can be arranged! Slippery little bugger!\nPhoebe Buffay: So-so you two were married huh? What happened? You just drift apart?\nJudy Geller: Here comes the bride.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God Monica!\nMonica Geller: I wanna wear this everyday.\nRachel Green: You look so beautiful.\nMonica Geller: I'm so happy for me.\nRachel Green: Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?\nRachel Green: Yeah, we got him back. Everything's fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!\nRachel Green: What? Why? Where are you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm still on the set!\nRachel Green: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I'm sorry! The guy's drunk, they won't let me go until we get this.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I'm gonna have to find another minister.\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, I'm the minister! All right, look-look, put 'em both on the phone, I'll marry them right now.\nRachel Green: Ugh! Joey, I have to go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Don't you hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power!\nRoss Geller: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn't so scary, was it?\nChandler Bing: No.\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time.\nChandler Bing: Yeah okay. Well, what's the next little bit?\nRoss Geller: Getting married. Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like you've done everything else!\nChandler Bing: Yeah. You're right. Hey I-I can do that.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Okay, excuse me for a minute.\nRoss Geller: Wh-Hey-Whoa-whoa, where, where you going?!\nChandler Bing: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Oh fresh air!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! Maybe, maybe you're overreacting! You do that y'know.\nRachel Green: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! Well, y'know. I mean there's no way Joey's gonna make it in time. So I'm gonna through the hotel and see if there's any other weddings going on.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh but don't tell them Monica's pregnant because, they frown on that.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.} Congratulations. Mazel Tov! Hi! Oh, great hat. Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?\nThe Rabbi: I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Yeah. They're...they're-they're my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus.\nRoss Geller: Hi! Hi! Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?\nJack Geller: I thought he was with you.\nRoss Geller: He-he was with me umm, we're playing a little game, y'know? Hide and seek.\nJack Geller: You can't ask us son, that's cheating.\nRoss Geller: You're right, thanks for keeping me honest dad.\nJudy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.\nNora Tyler Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.\nCharles Bing: But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then.\nNora Tyler Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Monica!\nMonica Geller: I know! Hey, how's Chandler doin'?\nRoss Geller: Great. He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Well, you're-you're sweating.\nRoss Geller: These-these are beads of joy.\nMonica Geller: Oh that's sweet. Don't touch me.\nRoss Geller: Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's going on?\nRoss Geller: Chandler's gone again!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy's hammered!\nThe Director: I'm sorry Joey, as long as he's here and he's conscious we're still shooting.\nRichard Burke: You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork?\nJoey Tribbiani: So I uh, I just talked to the director. That's it, we're done for the day.\nRichard Burke: Well have we finished the scene?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You...you were wonderful.\nRichard Burke: As were you.\nJoey Tribbiani: So I got your car, it's right outside.\nRichard Burke: Why? Are we done for the day?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's what you told me.\nRichard Burke: Oh, thank you. You're welcome.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! Here we go.\nRichard Burke: Is that my ass?\nRoss Geller: There he is!!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Oh!\nRoss Geller: You're not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!\nChandler Bing: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hiiii-Ya!! I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister!\nChandler Bing: That's right! I'm not!\nRoss Geller: Then where the hell have you been?!\nChandler Bing: I know about Monica.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know?!\nRoss Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.\nRoss Geller: What?! What?! Talking about what?!\nChandler Bing: You don't know?\nRoss Geller: Know what-If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now...\nPhoebe Buffay: What? You'll hi-ya?\nChandler Bing: Monica's pregnant.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God. Oh my God! And you're-you're...you're not freaking out?\nChandler Bing: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes...\nChandler Bing: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that's when I uh, saw this. New York.) Yeah, y'know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can't be scary.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well you obviously didn't see Chucky 3.\nChandler Bing: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so she'd know I was okay.\nRoss Geller: Dude.\nJack Geller: Way to go son! I knew you'd find him!\nCharles Bing: Our little boy is getting married.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh look at you! So handsome!\nChandler Bing: You look beautiful mom. You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. I'm so glad you here.\nThe Rabbi: Are you Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Are you Joey?\nRoss Geller: Huh. This is nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.\nJudy Geller: Oh I wish you're grandmother had lived to see this.\nMonica Geller: She's right there.\nJudy Geller: Not that old crow, my mother. Congratulations darling.\nJack Geller: I love you sweetheart.\nChandler Bing: You look beautiful. Is this new?\nMonica Geller: Not now.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Who is this?\nThe Rabbi: I am Father Kalebasous.\nChandler Bing: He's Greek Orthodox.\nRachel Green: As are you...\nThe Rabbi: Let us begin. Dearly beloved...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's my line! I can take it from here, thanks. Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. You may be confused by this now, but you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?\nMonica Geller: He took off?\nRachel Green: Go on! Go on.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, for so long I...I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now...here we are...with our future before us...and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: No, that's okay. Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way it's okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure?\nJoey Tribbiani: You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?\nChandler Bing: I do.\nMonica Geller: I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah you do!\nRoss Geller: Rings?\nJoey Tribbiani: Aw crap! Okay-uh...uh let's-let's do the rings.\nJoey Tribbiani: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. Now kiss her again.\nChandler Bing: I love you. And I know about the baby.\nMonica Geller: What baby?\nChandler Bing: Our baby.\nMonica Geller: We have a baby?\nChandler Bing: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.\nMonica Geller: I didn't take a pregnancy test.\nChandler Bing: Then...who did?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh and they're gonna have a baby.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh."}
{"text": "Photographer: Great. Great! Just give me a sec to change film.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do. And I'm so excited for you!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? What's going on?\nRoss Geller: Monica's pregnant!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!\nMonica Geller: Guys! I'm not pregnant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah. Slow swimmers?\nRoss Geller: What?! What do you mean? You-you-you're not pregnant?\nMonica Geller: You didn't tell anybody I was did you?!\nRoss Geller: No! I'll be right back.\nPhotographer: Now why don't we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.\nMonica Geller: Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't! I-I don't have any other clothes here.\nMonica Geller: Find some! Please! Anything that doesn't say I-I died tragically in France.\nPhotographer: Well then why don't we see the bride and the groom and the bridemaids.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you weren't pregnant?\nMonica Geller: Because I'm not.\nPhoebe Buffay: We found your test in the trash, if you're not pregnant-It's because I am.\nChandler Bing: What?! What are you talking about?\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, I...I am with child. And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day; I didn't want to steal your thunder.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember?!\nChandler Bing: Who's the father?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't say.\nMonica Geller: Why?!\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't say because he's famous.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, who is it?!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, okay. It's James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.\nChandler Bing: As in Barbara Streisand's husband James Brolin?\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Well he never said that to me!\nPhotographer: Why don't we have Monica step away and we'll get Chandler and the bridemaids.\nPhoebe Buffay: How about just the bridemaids?\nChandler Bing: Y'know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: It is.\nRachel Green: For you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can't deal with this just quite yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: So instead you told me Monica was pregnant.\nRachel Green: You said that she was, I just didn't disagree with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sneaky.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nPhotographer: Smile ladies.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh by the way?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.\nRachel Green: James Brolin?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered he's gay.\nRachel Green: Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?!\nBandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!\nChandler Bing: Before we go out there I've got a present for ya.\nMonica Geller: Honey, I'm going to put my hand in your pocket!\nChandler Bing: No?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: I've been taking dancing lessons.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.\nMonica Geller: Oh that is so sweet!\nChandler Bing: So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, it's these new shoes, they're all slippery.\nMonica Geller: Well, are you going to be able to do this?\nChandler Bing: Not well.\nMonica Geller: Well, the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, are you ready to talk about it?\nRachel Green: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now?\nRachel Green: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, we'll talk about something else then.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who's the father?!\nRachel Green: Ugh! Look honey y'know what? I haven't told him yet, so until I do I don't think I should tell anybody else.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. That's fine. That's fair. Is it Tag?\nRachel Green: Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it Ross? It's Ross isn't it-Oh my God, it's Joey!\nRachel Green: Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah-hah! At least we know it's a him.\nMonica Geller: Oh sweet Lord.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and it's either this or a bathrobe! Look, what's more important, the way I'm dressed or me being with you on your special day?\nMonica Geller: Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening. Hey! Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi. I'm uh, I'm Ross. I don't, I don't believe we've met. I'm Monica's older brother.\nWoman: Oh hi, I'm, I'm Mona from her restaurant.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name.\nMona: You think so? I've always kinda hated it.\nRoss Geller: Aw come on, Mona Lisa?\nMona: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: Mona umm...Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no she's uh-well she's dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.\nMona: Really?! Well see? I never knew about her.\nRoss Geller: Linda Clickclocken. So what uh, what-what table are you at? Oh, uh me too.\nMona: Oh good. Now there'll be someone there who likes my name.\nRoss Geller: Yes there will. Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert you've just been bumped up to table one. And if it's all right with you I'm gonna take your place at table six-Martin Clickclocken.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it.\nNora Tyler Bing: Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips.\nDennis Phillips: Congratulations.\nChandler Bing: Thank you.\nNora Tyler Bing: Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover.\nChandler Bing: Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so.\nDennis Phillips: Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.\nNora Tyler Bing: Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't believe we've met, Joey Tribbiani.\nDennis Phillips: Dennis Phillips\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, I've admired your work for years. You-you've done some really amazing stuff.\nDennis Phillips: Oh, thank you. Well if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow Dennis Phillips! That's great! How did you guys meet?\nNora Tyler Bing: Well, it's a funny story.\nChandler Bing: Funny: Ha-Ha Or Funny\nBandleader: Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six.\nMona: No, nine.\nRoss Geller: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way which uh, which was misleading. Well I'm... Hello.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? 'Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I would've done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and that's just for ugly people.\nChandler Bing: What size shoes do you wear?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.\nChandler Bing: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, I don't even really know where I left those. Sorry.\nChandler Bing: Those aren't eleven and a half.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay fine! I'm a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, I'll show ya!\nMonica Geller: Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant?!\nRachel Green: Oh y'know what honey? Let's not talk about that right now?\nMonica Geller: This is so huge.\nRachel Green: Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding?\nMonica Geller: Of course not nothing is. Between me and you...\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: ...in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?\nRachel Green: Hey! Y'know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets through!\nMonica Geller: How?\nRachel Green: I don't know! Maybe they have tools.\nMonica Geller: Well I-I talked to and uh, she's definitely going to have this baby. Y'know, she said she was gonna raise it on her own.\nRachel Green: Well, maybe that's, maybe that's really brave.\nMonica Geller: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.\nRachel Green: Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that well.\nMonica Geller: Well, there's a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize she's not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?\nRachel Green: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay?\nRachel Green: Uh-hmm. I'm just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe.\nWaiter: Champagne?\nRachel Green: Oh yes! Thank you very much! Oh that's-that's actually how the French drink it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin...\nMonica Geller: Oh really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me. And I said, \"James, James Brolin, are you sure?\" James Brolin said...\nMonica Geller: Rachel's really the one who's pregnant.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! Why bother?\nMonica Geller: How do you feel?\nRachel Green: I don't know. I don't know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I don't want to make. Somebody just take this away from me!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Calm down. Maybe you're not pregnant.\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.\nMonica Geller: Yes! Maybe it's a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?\nRachel Green: How many ways are there to do that?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm-I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're a hundred percent sure.\nRachel Green: All right, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home.\nMonica Geller: You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me.\nRachel Green: Okay. Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll run out and get you one.\nRachel Green: Oh, you guys are so great.\nMonica Geller: Oh, wait a minute! Who's is the father?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, she won't tell us.\nMonica Geller: Oh, come on it's my wedding! That can be my present.\nRachel Green: Wh-Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.\nPhoebe Buffay: See? This is why you register.\nRoss Geller: It was the chair again! Okay? I'm not doing it! It what-look, I don't-y'know what-eh-eh... Hi.\nMona: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Umm, would you like to dance?\nMona: Sure.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nMona: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh great!\nLittle Girl: Dr. Geller?\nRoss Geller: I wasn't farting! Uh, a little game from our table. Yes?\nLittle Girl: Dr. Geller, will you dance with me?\nRoss Geller: Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady.\nLittle Girl: Okay.\nMona: Ohhhh!\nRoss Geller: Uh, unless! Unless, uh this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first.\nMona: I'd be happy to. You are very sweet.\nRoss Geller: Yes I-I am. In fact umm hey, why don't we try it my special way? You can dance on my feet.\nLittle Girl: Sure!\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Hop on. Is the pretty lady looking?\nLittle Girl: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: Keep dancing.\nChandler Bing: And the world will never know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?\nChandler Bing: Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! No! No! You don't tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks I'm a soap actor.\nChandler Bing: But you're not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nLittle Girl: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: No-no, thank you Miranda.\nLittle Girl: Melinda!\nRoss Geller: All right.\nMona: How cute was that?\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, were you, were you watching?\nSecond Girl: Can I go next?\nRoss Geller: What? Of course you can! Hop on!\nMona: Okay, but I get to hop on after her.\nRoss Geller: I am so gonna score.\nSecond Girl: What?\nRoss Geller: I like your bow.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, \"Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!\" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. And-and there was some sad memories. I'm sorry. And-and some scared memories-Whoa! Eh? And then, and then I realized I'll always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. Oh! To the happy couple!\nBandleader: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: That was very nice Ashley.\nAshley: Can we do it again?\nRoss Geller: No-no.\nMona: So, is it my turn now?\nFat Girl: I'm next!\nRoss Geller: Oh!\nMona: Uh, that's okay. You can dance with her first.\nRoss Geller: Oh, you-you sure? Okay. Okay. So what's uh, what's your name.\nFat Girl: Gert!\nRoss Geller: That's, that's pretty. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing there Gert?\nGert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Hop on Gert.\nGert: Why aren't you moving your feet?\nRoss Geller: I'm trying.\nGert: Faster! You're not going fast enough!\nRoss Geller: Maybe I should stand on your feet!\nJoey Tribbiani: So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there?\nDennis Phillips: Oh my God, that was for my benefit?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'd like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I know you're casting for this new show...\nDennis Phillips: Look umm Joey, I-I don't think you're quite right for this project.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, see that's where you're wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didn't see it up there, just-just try me.\nDennis Phillips: It's an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I'm not proud of this, but...\nDennis Phillips: Oh my God! No-no-no! Please! Please! Don't-don't-don't!\nMonica Geller: Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor?\nChandler Bing: Did it turn into sand?\nMonica Geller: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, you'll be fine.\nChandler Bing: No. No, I won't. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.\nMonica Geller: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesn't matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. Just try not to move your feet at all. There you go.\nJack Geller: Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nJack Geller: You stole my moves.\nRachel Green: How much longer?\nPhoebe Buffay: 30 seconds.\nRachel Green: 30 seconds, okay.\nMonica Geller: Did I miss it? Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if it's positive, we're gonna...\nRachel Green: Oh I know. I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's time.\nThe Girls: No!!\nMonica Geller: Go ahead Rach.\nRachel Green: Oh wait! Y'know what? I can't, I can't look at it. I can't. Somebody else tell me, somebody tell me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, it's negative.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's negative.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! That is-that's great-that is really great-great news. Y'know 'cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. God.\nMonica Geller: Well... Well, great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here.\nRachel Green: Thanks. God this is so stupid! How could I be upset over something I never had? It's negative?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's positive.\nRachel Green: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's-it's not negative, it's positive.\nRachel Green: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well yeah, I lied before.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nMonica Geller: Oh God...\nPhoebe Buffay: Now you know how you really feel about it.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh, that's a risky little game!\nMonica Geller: Are you really gonna do this?\nRachel Green: Yeah. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: With who?\nRachel Green: Ah, it's still not the time.\nRoss Geller: I just didn't see the fast song coming.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shh. Shh. Don't try to talk, we'll get you up to your room, we'll soak your feet, you'll be okay.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank you.\nMona: That is so sweet!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tell me about it, I feel like I'm holding down the fort all by myself.\nMona: It's Joey right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute! No! I'm the nice one! I'm the one who danced with the kids all night! How...How small are your feet?!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Listen y'know what sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!\nChandler Bing: Hi! We're checking out of the bridal suite.\nMonica Geller: That's right. I'm no longer a bride. I'll never be a bride again. Now, I'm just someone's wife!\nChandler Bing: And I'm the happiest guy in the world! Oh honey, come on don't be upset. We still have so much to look forward to!\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, right.\nChandler Bing: We got the honeymoon.\nMonica Geller: That's not 'til Thursday.\nChandler Bing: The wedding pictures?\nMonica Geller: They won't be ready for weeks.\nChandler Bing: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.\nMonica Geller: That's true! I knew I married you for a reason!\nChandler Bing: I'll tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go home.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: What? What did you take a picture of?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing! It was something.\nChandler Bing: Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?\nRachel Green: Are you joking? Check out is not 'til noon and he has a good eleven minutes left.\nChandler Bing: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to.\nRachel Green: Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until y'know, he screamed out Radisson at the end.\nChandler Bing: Okay, well I'm gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. 32 Joe. You're 32!\nFront Desk Clerk: Here's a copy of your bill.\nMonica Geller: Oh thanks. Champagne, strawberries...Oh my God! I can't believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's sad. Mashuga nut?\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Hey. Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?\nRoss Geller: Why not? It's built into the price of the room.\nChandler Bing: Yeah but you don't need-What is this?\nRoss Geller: Thread!\nChandler Bing: Score! Where are the disposable cameras?\nRoss Geller: What disposable cameras?\nChandler Bing: The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?\nRoss Geller: No you didn't.\nChandler Bing: Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I said...\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, \"Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?\" Yeah, then you did that.\nChandler Bing: So you don't have the cameras?!\nRoss Geller: No. Sorry man.\nChandler Bing: So? What? What? They're gone! Monica's gonna freak!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm sure they're still somewhere here in the hotel. I'll-I'll help you look for them.\nChandler Bing: Great.\nRoss Geller: In-in three minutes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?\nMonica Geller: No! But, they're callin' out to me! I mean this little guy even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldn't mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?\nPhoebe Buffay: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.\nMonica Geller: A tiny salt shaker!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!\nMonica Geller: Oh wow! Okay. Well that was fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.\nMonica Geller: Good. Okay, I'm just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Whew. Although y'know, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I mean... I guess y'know it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I guess it's okay to open one more if it's part of a set. Y'know, it's probably this one.\nMonica Geller: Or this one!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey, how are you feelin'? Any morning sickness?\nRachel Green: Shh-shh-shh! The guys don't know yet do they?\nMonica Geller: No! Joey and Ross don't know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebe's pregnant.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's right Chandler does still think I'm pregnant. He hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. After you of course.\nRachel Green: Don't worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a few more hours, 'cause I'm going to tell the father today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?\nRachel Green: Ew! No!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! I think he's cute.\nRachel Green: Well then you have his baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: Believe me I'm trying.\nMonica Geller: Wow. Y'know it is so weird. I mean, you're gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea what's gonna happen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. You're just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. You're like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Uh-huh, I guess it is pretty big news.\nPhoebe Buffay: Pretty big? It's huge! God, this guy doesn't have a clue! He's just walking down the street thinking, 'I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock!' then bam! He's a father and everything's different.\nRachel Green: Well it's only different if he wants it to be. I mean, I'm not gonna ask him for anything.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now he's walking around thinking, 'Do I want to be a dad?' and then bam!\nMonica Geller: What was that bam?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't. He got...he-he-he-he's hit by a bus.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you that she was pregnant?\nJoey Tribbiani: Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut!\nRachel Green: Oh Joey! Joey! No, it's not you! You didn't get anybody pregnant!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? Is somebody pregnant?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah. That's me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God Pheebs! You're gonna have a baby?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, I'm gonna have a baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, wait a minute. Who's the father?\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't know him. It's not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? 'Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!\nPhoebe Buffay: David Lynn.\nJoey Tribbiani: David Lynn! David Lynn! David Lynn!!\nMonica Geller: Who's David Lynn?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.\nRoss Geller: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Hey! Did you find the cameras?\nRoss Geller: No. Did you?\nChandler Bing: Yes! And that's why I'm under the table. Celebrating.\nRoss Geller: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-one's turned them.\nChandler Bing: Well this is great. Y'know, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, she's really depressed.\nRoss Geller: Now you guys just got married, why is she so depressed?\nChandler Bing: All my energy is going into not asking that question. I can't believe I screwed this up!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry man. Here's a thought. This is the same ballroom. There's a band. There's gonna be plenty of dressed up people.\nChandler Bing: Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away?\nRoss Geller: No-no-no, I'm saying we-we buy more of this at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody else's faces.\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?\nRoss Geller: I'm just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down?\nChandler Bing: Marriage advice? Really?!\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Aren't these the same flowers?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, Monica picked out the flowers.\nRoss Geller: What about the chairs?\nChandler Bing: She picked those out too.\nRoss Geller: How about the place settings?\nChandler Bing: That was her.\nRoss Geller: What did you do?\nChandler Bing: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?\nRoss Geller: Hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?\nRachel Green: Not yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? Is it Gunther?\nRachel Green: No! Phoebe, it's not Gunther.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank God, 'cause that hair on a baby...\nRachel Green: Phoebe the father is not here okay? I haven't told him yet and I don't think I can tell him at all now!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why not?\nRachel Green: I don't know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, 'I'm gonna tell the father today' and then bam!\nPhoebe Buffay: Bus?\nRachel Green: No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all is!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well-well but it is huge.\nRachel Green: I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I didn't even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. It's like, it's like ripping off this Band-Aid. Quick and painless, watch. Oh mother of...See?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh-ooh-ooh! Are we opening presents?\nMonica Geller: No! No! I shouldn't have even opened these! I mean I-Joey I am out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Give me one more.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh good, uh you're here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got something I want to say.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, now uh... It's a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Y'know, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hell yeah! I'll marry you!\nMonica Geller: You can't marry him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey lady, your day's over! It's my turn!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?! Why can't she marry me?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can and I will!\nMonica Geller: She's not pregnant. It's Rachel. Rachel's the one who's pregnant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didn't have a baby in nine months!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now I can't believe it! What? Rachel's pregnant? Who's the father?\nPhoebe Buffay: We don't know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh... I wonder if that dude.\nMonica Geller: There's a dude?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who? Who is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didn't see who it was but...\nPhoebe Buffay: Was that story over?\nJoey Tribbiani: The guy left this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I know who the father is...\nMonica Geller: People have got to finish their stories!\nChandler Bing: Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us?\nWoman At The Wedding: Oh! Of course.\nMan At The Wedding: Uh, would you take one of us?\nChandler Bing: Uhh... Yeah sure. Click!\nWoman At The Wedding: It didn't click.\nRoss Geller: I heard it. I heard it.\nMan At The Wedding: But there was no flash.\nWoman At The Wedding: Why won't you take our picture?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah. I'll take, I'll take your picture.\nMan At The Wedding: Uh, your finger was covering the lens.\nChandler Bing: Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!\nRachel Green: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?\nPhoebe Buffay: I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that won't quit. I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.\nRachel Green: Oh God... Oh, he's in there right now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?\nRachel Green: Uh, let's rip!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? Are you sure?\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, sorry. Yeah.\nTag Jones: Hey Rach.\nChandler Bing: Why don't you go up on stage. I'll get a picture of you doing the speech.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay!\nRoss Geller: Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed.\nAnxious Wedding Guest: That's my car!\nRoss Geller: A '95 LeSabre?!\nAnxious Wedding Guest: Yes!\nRoss Geller: A green LeSabre?\nAnxious Wedding Guest: Yes!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.\nAnxious Wedding Guest: Yes! Green-blue!\nRoss Geller: Well go! Go move it!\nChandler Bing: Okay, you ready for the last picture?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Get ready to run. Congratulations on your wedding.\nTag Jones: So, what's this about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.\nTag Jones: No. This is my red sweater.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or...poison? No? Just for me? Okay.\nTag Jones: What's going on Rach?\nRachel Green: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But y'know you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?\nTag Jones: Y'know, I'm actually glad Phoebe called. I know we broke up because you thought I wasn't mature enough, but I've really grown up and think we should get back together.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's just not the right time.\nTag Jones: It is the right time.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nTag Jones: I'm ready for more.\nRachel Green: Tag...\nTag Jones: Come on Rach, let's give it another try.\nRachel Green: I'm having a baby.\nTag Jones: Oh.\nRachel Green: You can go.\nTag Jones: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: I don't know how any of these got opened?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You opened them all?\nMonica Geller: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey! You got my parent's gift!\nMonica Geller: Yeah. What is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I don't know. I think it does something to salami.\nMonica Geller: Hey! How'd it go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. What-what did Tag say?\nRachel Green: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?\nJoey Tribbiani: I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, you didn't even try to unhook my bra!\nMonica Geller: So are you ever gonna tell whoever it is?\nRachel Green: No, I will. I'm just not up for it tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know you're not gonna be alone in this.\nRachel Green: I'm not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen I uh... It's a scary world out there especially if you're a single mom. Y'know, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Y'know? So, Rachel Green will you marry me?\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, give me the ring back!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!!\nRachel Green: No! Joey, oh you're so sweet. You're so-so sweet, honey. But I'm not, I'm not looking for a husband.\nJoey Tribbiani: I understand.\nRachel Green: Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't say that didn't hurt. But I'll take you back Joey Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! A Salami Buddy!\nJoey Tribbiani: There you go!\nChandler Bing: We're back!\nMonica Geller: Great! We're hangin' in the kitchen! Let's stay in the kitchen!\nChandler Bing: It's picture time.\nRoss Geller: Now you are going to love these.\nChandler Bing: Here's a picture of Ross. And that's me. And that's me and Ross. Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.\nMonica Geller: Wow! That is a great picture!\nChandler Bing: Eh?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags!\nRoss Geller: Huh, didn't see that coming.\nChandler Bing: Okay, so this isn't a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with...with this lady. Which by the look on your face I'm sure you'll remember. So we don't need-There's no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.\nMonica Geller: That would be a good idea.\nChandler Bing: Okay. You opened all the presents without me?! I thought we were supposed to do that together!\nMonica Geller: You kissed another woman!\nChandler Bing: Call it even?!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm gonna go get these in some water.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait you stole those from these people's wedding?\nRoss Geller: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. Hey! My sweater! I've been looking for this for like a month!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: Hey! How you doing?\nTag Jones: Good! Good, long time no see.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nTag Jones: Like your sweater.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, right back at ya.\nTag Jones: Oh, it's crazy about Rachel huh?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. She-Well, she's one crazy lady?\nTag Jones: So whose is it?\nRoss Geller: Umm, I don't some Italian guy. Come on, read your own label. See you later.\nTag Jones: Okay.\nRoss Geller: He is so weird."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey! Babe! Aren't you excited we're going on our honeymoon?\nMonica Geller: Yeah I am!\nChandler Bing: Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama...\nMonica Geller: That's right. Get it out of your system while we're alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Have a great honeymoon!\nChandler Bing: I'd better go pack.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, I already packed. The only thing I couldn't find though was your Speedo.\nChandler Bing: A Speedo? Uh, I don't have a Speedo. I'm gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit.\nRachel Green: Oh good you're still here!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: I want to tell you to have a good honeymoon!\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. What? What? What?\nJoey Tribbiani: We know its Ross!\nRachel Green: How?! How do you know?\nPhoebe Buffay: It was his sweater, but-Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Oh, I so wanted Ross to know first, but I'm so relieved you guys know.\nMonica Geller: This is so great! And I'm gonna be your baby's aunt!\nRachel Green: I know!\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna be an uncle! Come here!\nRachel Green: You're all gonna be aunts and uncles.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but I'm the only one related by blood.\nRachel Green: Okay. Great! So now that you guys all know you can help me. Give me some advice on how I'm gonna tell Ross!\nMonica Geller: Well, what were you gonna say?\nRachel Green: Well I was gonna tell him that I'm-I'm gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well that, that sounds good.\nRachel Green: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, what's-what's the first thing that I say? Okay great! Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Good luck!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye.\nChandler Bing: Hey, what was that all about?\nMonica Geller: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.\nChandler Bing: What?! I didn't even know that-Why didn't you tell me?! Why am I talking like this?!\nMonica Geller: I didn't think you could keep it a secret.\nChandler Bing: What?! I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.\nJoey Tribbiani: What secrets?\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.\nJoey Tribbiani: You'll tell me later?\nChandler Bing: You already know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.\nPhoebe Buffay: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't have a key, they took mine to give to you.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! They took mine to give to you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would they take away our keys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe they don't trust us.\nJoey Tribbiani: No that's not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.\nPhoebe Buffay: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I washed those!\nPhoebe Buffay: No you didn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah that didn't sound like me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, what am I gonna do? I really need my guitar!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I have stuff in there too.\nPhoebe Buffay: What stuff?\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica's chicken parm! I'll take care of it. Hey Mr. Treeger, it's Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment. It's an emergency. Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Did Rachel find you?\nRoss Geller: No why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh she was looking for you.\nRoss Geller: Oh well, I guess I'll catch up with her later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, she really wanted to talk to you now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it seemed pretty important.\nRoss Geller: Oh no.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nRoss Geller: I think I might know what this is about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Uh, uh we promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this but uh, about a month ago Rachel and I slept together.\nPhoebe Buffay: And?\nRoss Geller: Wow! I thought you would be a little more shocked.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh sorry. And?!\nRoss Geller: Well, we-we said we'd just do it that one time but, but now I think she may wanna start things up again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.\nRoss Geller: Why? What-what else could it be?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh wow, I don't feel well.\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you. I'm telling you. That's what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didn't say anything to you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe it's something you ate?\nJoey Tribbiani: Please, just-just, just go and talk to Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I guess I should. Man, y'know what I have to realize? Maybe I'm just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Y'know, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that.\nTicket Agent: Next?\nMonica Geller: They're kissing let's just go around them.\nChandler Bing: Oh honey, leave them alone, they're in love.\nMonica Geller: I'm in love too! But in an orderly fashion.\nTicket Agent: Next?\nMonica Geller: Hi! Can you do that and walk? 'Cause she said, \"Next.\"\nWoman: Sorry. We didn't hear you; we're on our honeymoon.\nTicket Agent: Oh, let me see what I can do. There are some first class seats available.\nMonica Geller: Did you hear that?! They bumped them up to first class because they are on their honeymoon! Come on! Let's act like we're on our honeymoon.\nChandler Bing: We are on our honeymoon.\nMonica Geller: Grab my ass!\nTicket Agent: Next?\nMonica Geller: Hi, sorry. I almost didn't hear you, because y'know I'm just so in love with my new husband. We're on our honeymoon.\nTicket Agent: Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing you'll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing you'll be in 25K.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, you see we're on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?\nTicket Agent: I'm sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.\nMonica Geller: You see, if we'd gone around them like I said, we-She would've given us those tickets. Damnit!\nChandler Bing: 25J and K, any chance those aren't together?\nJoey Tribbiani: I still can't believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course I do! And I'm gonna give it back to you as soon as they're done with it at the key shining place.\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell is that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Treeger, what are you doing?\nMr. Treeger: You said there was a gas leak in here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well why don't you use your key?\nMr. Treeger: Because by the time I find it on this thing , the whole place might have exploded. If that happens at another building that I manage, people are gonna start asking questions. Come on! Hurry up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! We could have done that.\nMonica Geller: Look at that! Look at that! They're going into the first class lounge! Do you know what they have in there?\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: Me neither! We have to get in!\nChandler Bing: Just act like you belong.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Oranges!\nChandler Bing: Shh! Nice to see you again.\nAirline Employee: Uh sir, may I see your tickets please?\nChandler Bing: Yes, of course.\nAirline Employee: I'm sorry, would you move your thumb? I can't see the seat number.\nChandler Bing: Oh that's all right, I have it memorized. It's 1A.\nAirline Employee: Sir, this is not a first class ticket. I'm sorry.\nChandler Bing: Apology accepted. Excuse us.\nAirline Employee: Sir! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.\nMonica Geller: Fine. Go! Go! Go!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hi. Umm, I think there's something that we really need to talk about.\nRoss Geller: I think we do. Why don't we go inside? Look uh, I know why you're here.\nRachel Green: You do?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and to save you from any embarrassment umm, I think maybe I should talk first.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Uh, Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. That's been one heck of a see-saw hasn't it?\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and...and certainly passionate, but don't you think it's better if we just stayed friends?\nRachel Green: Seriously. What?!\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. Y'know what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean I'd-I'd be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know what? Can I, can I talk now?\nRoss Geller: Oh sure.\nRachel Green: I'm pregnant. Ross? Ross? Okay, whenever you're ready. And you're the father by the way-but you got that...\nRachel Green: Can I get you some water?\nRoss Geller: I'm good. I'm good.\nRachel Green: Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay? I mean you can as involved as you want.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I need uh... I'm just-I don't know-I don't understand, umm, how this happened? We-we used a condom.\nRachel Green: I know. I know, but y'know condoms only work like 97% of the time.\nRoss Geller: What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!!\nRachel Green: They do!\nRoss Geller: No they don't!!! Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!\nRachel Green: Okay Ross come on let's just forget about the condoms.\nRoss Geller: Oh well I may as well have!\nRachel Green: Listen, y'know what? I was really freaked out too when I found out...\nRoss Geller: Freaked out? Hey no, I'm not freaked out! I'm indignant! As a consumer!\nRachel Green: Y'know what? Let's, let's talk later.\nRoss Geller: No! No! I want to talk now! Okay? I-In fact, I am going to talk to the president of the condom company!\nRachel Green: Okay, y'know maybe I should come back...\nRoss Geller: Shh! Shh! Shh!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Yeah I'll press 1!\nMr. Treeger: I've looked everywhere. There's no gas leak.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. So then I can heat this up?\nMr. Treeger: Anyway uh, I'll get moving on that new door.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? 'Cause y'know umm, they don't-they don't have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.\nMr. Treeger: Well I'm gonna have to put on a new lock, they'll find out anyway.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no.\nMr. Treeger: Whoa! This looks like an all day job, I'll have to cancel my yoga class. Hey Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMr. Treeger: Could you tell Jasmine that I won't make it to yoga class today?\nRoss Geller: Sure.\nMr. Treeger: Namaste.\nRoss Geller: Namaste.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! What happened to the door?!\nJoey Tribbiani: So it's noticeable huh?\nRoss Geller: Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Didn't you two already talk?\nRoss Geller: Yeah but uh... Okay, okay look you guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but there's something else. Rachel's pregnant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!!! I can't believe that!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Holy mother of God!!!\nRoss Geller: With my child.\nPhoebe Buffay: That is brand new information!!\nRoss Geller: You already know don't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: A little bit.\nJoey Tribbiani: How are you doing?\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. I mean I'll be okay. It's just I don't think I handled it very well.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what did you say to her?\nRoss Geller: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Ross.\nRoss Geller: But hey, in my defense I-I just found out condoms are like only 97% effective.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRoss Geller: I gotta go find her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! Hey! Whoa!! Hold up! Are you serious?! So like 3% of the time they don't even work?! Huh? They should put that on the box!\nRoss Geller: Evidently they do.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe we're here.\nChandler Bing: Oh you've got to be kidding me.\nMonica Geller: What?\nFront Desk Clerk: As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite.\nMonica Geller: No!! You have been screwing us all day!\nMan: Who are you?\nChandler Bing: We're you just ten seconds later!\nMonica Geller: Yeah! You already got the first class tickets; you got the lounge! I mean we should get free stuff too! I mean you're not the only ones on your honeymoon!\nWoman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We don't care about where we stay. We're here to celebrate our love together. We don't have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.\nChandler Bing: We need the stuff.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica it's Joey. Listen uh, Phoebe and I smell gas comin' from your apartment.\nMonica Geller: What? Are you serious?! Joey smells gas!\nChandler Bing: What else is new?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah and we'd go check it out, but you took away our keys.\nMonica Geller: Well do something! Get in there!\nJoey Tribbiani: How? I guess I could break down your door.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: And-and you won't blame us for any damage?\nMonica Geller: No! Are you doing it?! I don't hear anything! Come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, okay I'll-I'll-I'll break it down.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey hi, he's doing it. He's breaking down the door. Okay, we're in.\nNurse: Okay Rachel, are you comfortable?\nRachel Green: If I said I was, would you judge me?\nNurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh man, I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn...\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Uh we-we need to talk.\nRachel Green: Uh-uh-uh, right now? Because I've kinda got an el fresco situation going on over here.\nRoss Geller: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.\nRachel Green: Okay Ross that's fine, but can you please stand near my head?\nRoss Geller: What? Oh yeah. I'm sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I really-I should have been thinking about you Rach...\nRachel Green: Okay. Head Ross! Head Ross! Head Ross!\nRoss Geller: Right! Right! I just-I want you to know that I'm going to be there through this whole thing, okay? Okay? The doctor's appointments, the uh, the Lamaze classes, uh baby-proofing the apartment-Although we could probably worry about that 'til after we get married.\nRachel Green: What married?\nRoss Geller: Well yeah, I think we should get married.\nRachel Green: What, because that's your answer to everything?\nRoss Geller: No, because that's the right thing to do.\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe if you're in love. But Ross, we are not in love, are we?\nRoss Geller: No but...but still you can't possibly do this alone.\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nRoss Geller: Come on Rach, you can't even eat alone in a restaurant.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: I'm just saying if you can't eat by yourself, how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?\nRachel Green: I can too eat by myself!\nRoss Geller: When have you ever?\nRachel Green: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!\nRoss Geller: Well certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup!\nRachel Green: Oh please, you inhale your food!\nRoss Geller: I grew up with Monica! If you didn't eat fast you didn't eat!!\nDr. Long: Am I interrupting?\nRachel Green: Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father.\nRoss Geller: But not the husband, because evidently she can do this alone.\nDr. Long: Huh. Nice to meet you. I'll get started on this.\nRoss Geller: I don't know why you can't admit that you need me.\nRachel Green: I do need you! I need you to stand near my head!\nDr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God.\nRachel Green: Wow. There it is, I see it.\nDr. Long: Congratulations. I'll give you two a minute.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Pretty amazing huh?\nRachel Green: I don't see it!\nRoss Geller: What? What?!\nRachel Green: I can't see it!\nRoss Geller: You-you just said that you did!\nRachel Green: I know, I lied! I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother! I can't even see my own baby!\nRoss Geller: Oh sure, come here! Sure you can! Uh, look come here look, it's-it's-it's, it's right there .\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh, it's beautiful. I see it now.\nRoss Geller: Do you really?\nRachel Green: No, I don't see it!\nRoss Geller: Come on! Come on! Here, okay-okay, you see this? This tiny thing that looks like a peanut?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie that's it.\nRachel Green: That's it? Well I saw that! Ohh-ohh-oh, thank you.\nRoss Geller: You're welcome.\nRachel Green: Wow! I can't believe that's our baby.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's our baby.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! So how was the doctor?\nRachel Green: Oh, everything went great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good.\nRoss Geller: Oh hey, show them the picture of your uterus.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't see the baby. Where is it?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I know I couldn't see it either at first, but it's right umm... Ross, I lost it again.\nRoss Geller: Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I can't wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.\nMonica Geller: You're really sticking with the shell necklace huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You're back!\nMonica Geller: Hi sweetie!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on in!\nPhoebe Buffay: So how was the honeymoon?\nMonica Geller: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.\nPhoebe Buffay: That was the best part? Good honeymooning tiger.\nMonica Geller: No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too!\nChandler Bing: They're terrific, and they live right here in the city.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, we're just kinda excited because we finally have a couple to hang out with.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: A couple? Like two people? Like one , two people?\nMonica Geller: This is different! Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Greg and Jenny yuck! Hi Greg, I'm Chandler this is Monica. Hi Monica, this is Jenny. Hi Jenny. Hi Greg.\nChandler Bing: Listen, they are really great. If you just got a chance...\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? Why don't you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?\nChandler Bing: We really...didn't get a chance to...\nPhoebe Buffay: You have got to be kidding me!\nMonica Geller: We didn't get anything for anyone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hm-mm! Yeah nice necklace!\nMonica Geller: That you can have.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nEveryone: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hello!\nRachel Green: Welcome home.\nRoss Geller: So, how was the honeymoon?\nMonica Geller: It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean you're having a baby!\nRachel Green: Oh! Look! I have a sonogram picture!\nMonica Geller: Oh great!\nChandler Bing: Ross! It's got your wavy black lines!\nMonica Geller: All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us y'know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica! That's not right! Start with where.\nRachel Green: Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there 'cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're welcome buddy.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, thanks.\nRachel Green: And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.\nRoss Geller: Umm that's...that's a little misleading.\nRachel Green: What is?\nRoss Geller: The lie you just told.\nRachel Green: That-that you came on to me?\nRoss Geller: There's the one!\nRachel Green: But you did! I mean, let's be honest.\nRoss Geller: Yes let's. Y'know what? Uh, it's-it's not important. What is important is that, is that we're having a baby. And it's not-Doesn't matter who came on to who.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whom. That's right.\nRachel Green: You know you kissed me first.\nRoss Geller: What? What?! You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!\nRachel Green: I was sending you signals?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what?! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!\nRachel Green: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Y'know what? Rachel, just-just drop it.\nRachel Green: No please, show me how I begged you!\nRoss Geller: I can show you, I have it on videotape! It's an expression.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake.\nChandler Bing: Y'know who has a great video camera?\nPhoebe Buffay: Greg and Jenny?\nMonica Geller: Do you still wanna call 'em? I wanna call 'em.\nChandler Bing: Let's call 'em.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs!\nMonica Geller: Hello? Eighth street deli?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hang up! You get food poisoning just talkin' to that place.\nMonica Geller: Uh sorry, wrong number.\nChandler Bing: Here you go.\nMonica Geller: Hello? It's the deli again!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! I'll have a sandwich!\nMonica Geller: I don't think this number's right!\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You got fake numbered.\nMonica Geller: What?! People don't do that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh I think we do.\nMonica Geller: They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that?\nChandler Bing: I don't know! You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions.\nMonica Geller: And you've never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? Don't worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.\nRoss Geller: Rachel won't talk to me! She won't even open the door!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm, I wonder why. Pervert!\nRoss Geller: Okay, listen I am not a pervert!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!\nRoss Geller: Filming Rachel is not something I planned. Okay look, here's what happened, and Joey you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Personal thing? What personal thing? I don't know.\nRoss Geller: About...about sex? That I hadn't had sex in months?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah I knew what you were talkin' about.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm, I'm really uncomfortable talking about.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom?\nRoss Geller: I actually had a topic in mind! I'm, I'm kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, for like months?\nRoss Geller: Five to be lying, six.\nJoey Tribbiani: Six months? Whoa that's rough.\nRoss Geller: Well, I mean it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.\nJoey Tribbiani: The sky's blue Ross and I had sex yesterday!\nRoss Geller: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okay-I'm scared for my health!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay. Umm...Ooh! Oh-oh, I got something. It's this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; they're like putty.\nRoss Geller: Really? Well then tell it to me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Now you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.\nRoss Geller: I'll try to control myself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe...\nRoss Geller: You were backpacking across Western Europe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Have a nice six more months Ross!\nRoss Geller: Okay! Okay! Okay. I'm sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and?\nJoey Tribbiani: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous. And across the lake I saw...a beautiful woman...bathing herself...but she was crying...\nRoss Geller: Why?\nKristen: Umm, this is great wine.\nRoss Geller: It's from France...In Europe...Western Europe. Y'know umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe.\nKristen: Really?\nRoss Geller: Uh-hmm-Wait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona.\nKristen: I studied for a year in Barcelona.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking...\nKristen: I love hiking!\nRoss Geller: Oh that's great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo...\nKristen: I think its Tibidabo.\nRoss Geller: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa! What are you doing here? How did your date go?\nRoss Geller: Great! I'm across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Look, if it didn't work it's because you didn't tell it right! Show me how you did it.\nRoss Geller: No! No, I don't...don't want to.\nJoey Tribbiani: How long since you've seen a girl naked?\nRoss Geller: I was backpacking across Western Europe.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not feeling it.\nRoss Geller: I was just outside Barcelona, hiking...\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No Ross! I'm not hot! Are you hot?\nRoss Geller: It's been six months! I'm always hot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well you're not selling the story! It's like; it's like you don't believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition. Okay? I'll set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what you're doing wrong.\nRoss Geller: I'll try that.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right now... All right, you're all set up. You're good to go. Just hit record. All right?\nRoss Geller: Thanks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good luck.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. And-and hey Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know I'll help you out.\nJoey Tribbiani: That means a lot to me man.\nRoss Geller: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? Rachel!\nRachel Green: Oh Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nRachel Green: Thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself?\nRoss Geller: That's less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was.\nRoss Geller: So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. It kept rolling and recorded everything.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, definitely.\nRoss Geller: What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? This is not fair to her. Let's just forget the tape!\nRoss Geller: Thank you. No!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right.\nRoss Geller: Joey! No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Loud and clear!\nMonica Geller: I still don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, if they knew what they were doing they probably didn't give you real names either.\nMonica Geller: Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don't give out fake names.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Regina Philange.\nChandler Bing: I still don't get it, we didn't do anything wrong.\nMonica Geller: I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes.\nChandler Bing: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!\nMonica Geller: Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah!\nChandler Bing: Well maybe it was all of your questions.\nMonica Geller: What about my questions?\nChandler Bing: The sheer volume, it was like flying with the Riddler!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that another joke?\nChandler Bing: Was that another question?\nRachel Green: Hey! Is Ross still here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh no Rach, he's gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.\nRachel Green: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? Oh forget it! Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.\nRoss Geller: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn't even watch it! Anyway, here. I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself.\nRachel Green: Thank you. What? You don't want to see this do you?\nMonica Geller: Hell yeah!!!\nRachel Green: I am not gonna show you this!\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.\nRoss Geller: Forget it, she's destroying it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay fine! Fine! We'll just have to think of some other way to put the whole 'Who came onto who,' thing to rest! Come on now, think!!\nRoss Geller: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? It's Rachel's tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.\nRachel Green: I wanna see it.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. Now I don't want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don't people to see it makes me want to see it. You see?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are we watchin' the tape or not?!\nRoss Geller: I don't want people to see it for your sake.\nRachel Green: Ahh, I don't believe you. I think you don't want them to see you begging me.\nRoss Geller: Rachel, please...\nRachel Green: Ah, a little preview!\nRoss Geller: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I'm gonna be saying...\nRachel Green: Okay, here we go.\nRoss Geller: Hello! Can I get you anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so happy!\nRachel Green: Oh, thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself?\nRachel Green: There I am.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're gonna get pregnant.\nRachel Green: I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I...\nRoss Geller: You didn't do it?\nRachel Green: I-I know-I had put them in...in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.\nMonica Geller: Sweetie okay. It's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine.\nRachel Green: Kinda hurtin' my hand though.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRachel Green: I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! \"Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!\" Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh...oh-oh-oh...\nChandler Bing: Did you do it on our invitations?!\nRoss Geller: Not on the ones we sent out.\nChandler Bing: So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed!\nRachel Green: Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged.\nRoss Geller: I know. Hey remember...remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost...\nRachel Green: Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would've gone through with it? Y'know, if we hadn't gotten caught. Do you think we would've done it?\nRoss Geller: I mean I...I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to.\nRachel Green: Oh I wanted to.\nRoss Geller: So we...we both wanted to.\nRachel Green: Interesting.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, sure.\nRachel Green: Okay, in about ten seconds you're gonna see him kiss me.\nRoss Geller: And in about five seconds you're gonna see why.\nRachel Green: Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?\nRachel Green: Okay, get ready to see some beggin'!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you came on to Ross!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Now I'm so happy.\nRachel Green: What are you talking about?!\nMonica Geller: You used the Europe story!\nChandler Bing: That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!\nRachel Green: How do you know about that story?!\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you know about that story?!\nRachel Green: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Some guy!!\nRachel Green: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ken Adams!!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesn't matter. I mean, I think it would've happened either way. I mean if you hadn't initiated it I-I-I know I would've.\nRachel Green: It was an amazing night.\nRoss Geller: It was. It was an amazing night.\nRachel Green: You think it looked amazing?\nRoss Geller: I uh... I don't know. I mean I...I honestly didn't watch it.\nRachel Green: Yeah, me neither. Yet...\nRoss Geller: Uhhhhhh...that-that may be weird.\nRachel Green: Yeah, it would be really weird.\nRoss Geller: Good luck.\nRachel Green: Good luck to you.\nRoss Geller: Mind if I mute?\nRachel Green: Oh please.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh there go the clothes.\nRachel Green: You are undressing very quickly.\nRoss Geller: Six months Rachel, six months.\nRoss Geller: Hey. We-we look...we look pretty good.\nRachel Green: That's what I was gonna say.\nRoss Geller: Oh nice tan!\nRachel Green: Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend.\nRoss Geller: Ah...\nRachel Green: Have you been working out?\nRoss Geller: I have been working out.\nRachel Green: Really? Wow, this is so much better than I...\nRoss Geller: Oh that's not pretty.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh!\nRoss Geller: No!\nRachel Green: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Oh no!\nRachel Green: Oh, make it stop!\nRoss Geller: Oh no!!\nRachel Green: Make it stop!!\nRoss Geller: No!!\nRachel Green: Have to make it stop!!\nRoss Geller: No!!!\nMonica Geller: Hello Greg? Hi, this is Monica from the plane? Listen, the number that you gave me 853-5... That is their old number! Jenny's been giving it out since they moved!\nChandler Bing: Jenny! That is so Jenny!\nMonica Geller: Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? Okay, how about Sunday? Okay umm, the week after that? The week after that? Y'know what Greg? Y'know what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny can't see that then... January 15th? We'll see you then! Okay!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! Hey Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey how was dinner?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Dinner was good!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm just saying hi! Now I'm gonna go!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well hello there.\nGuy: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't see this on the menu.\nMonica Geller: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, so you're Monica's boss?\nTim: Actually she's my-my boss. Sous is French for under.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I sous stand.\nMonica Geller: Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me the pesto?\nTim: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you...you made pesto?\nTim: Yes I did.\nPhoebe Buffay: Would you say your pesto is the best-o?\nTim: I...I-I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o.\nMonica Geller: All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad.\nTim: I like your necklace.\nPhoebe Buffay: I made it myself.\nTim: You are so talented.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's no pesto.\nMonica Geller: All right, all right! Let's just cut to the chase, okay? You're single. You're single. He gets off work at eleven. She'll be waiting for your call. I'll give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.\nMr. Franklin: Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil.\nChandler Bing: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?\nMr. Franklin: You're a joker Bing.\nChandler Bing: What's funny about that?\nRoss Geller: Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long.\nChandler Bing: Hey that's okay. So, where do you want to go?\nRoss Geller: Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go.\nChandler Bing: The Hard Rock Caf?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: Again?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you, I like the food!\nChandler Bing: You like the Purple Rain display! Hey Bob.\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Hey Toby! Have a good night.\nRoss Geller: Did that guy just call you Toby?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he thinks that's my name.\nRoss Geller: Well, why don't you correct him?\nChandler Bing: Oh it's been going on way to long now. Y'know, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn't say anything. And then the next time he said, \"Hey Toby, do you want a donut?\" And I-I wanted a donut. And now it's five years later, the donut's gone and I'm still Toby.\nRoss Geller: Five years?! Chandler you have to tell him!\nChandler Bing: No! That would be so awkward! Look-Besides, we work in different departments. He's on the sixth floor y'know? So he calls me Toby once in a while. What's the big deal? It could be worse, it's not like he's calling me Muriel.\nRoss Geller: Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? It's not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!\nChandler Bing: Shh! It is a family name!\nRoss Geller: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they?\nJoey's Co-Star: Drake, I've discovered the reason for all your headaches and memory loss.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?\nJoey's Co-Star: Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It seems your body is rejecting Jessica's brain.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?\nJoey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Well that sounds simple enough, let's just do that.\nJoey's Co-Star: We would, but when we went to exhume Jessica's body, it was gone.\nDirector: Cut! Very nice people!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner.\nRachel Green: Well don't-What happened to Jessica's body?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not telling, you'll have to see it on TV!\nRachel Green: You don't know do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, couldn't care less.\nJoey's Co-Star: Hey good scene man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you too!\nJoey's Co-Star: Alright.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? You weren't in it.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash?\nKash: Yes?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nKash: Hey! How come I haven't seen you here before?\nRachel Green: Well, Joey probably thinks I'll just embarrass him. Y'know, he thinks I'm some kind of a soap opera nut-Which I'm not! I'm not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. And uh, and that your-your dog's name is Wally. Well look at that, I'm just stroking your arm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Here we go! Here we go!\nRachel Green: Oh, we're leaving. Bye Kash.\nKash: Bye.\nRachel Green: Say hi to Wally.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I can't wait to get sous-neath him.\nMonica Geller: I...I have to fire him.\nPhoebe Buffay: But why?!\nMonica Geller: Because he's terrible! Okay, he's slow, he burns things, last night he lit my pastry chef on fire!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well maybe he was just nervous, y'know you can be very intimidating. And besides I've met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two.\nMonica Geller: Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished.\nPhoebe Buffay: But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please?\nMonica Geller: All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.\nMonica Geller: I paid to have this done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Love it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming.\nRachel Green: I thought I was a complete idiot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm with you. He even asked me if I thought you'd go out with him.\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say?\nJoey Tribbiani: I said no.\nRachel Green: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? I...I just figured since you're pregnant you're not gonna be seeing people.\nRachel Green: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't tell him. I didn't know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people.\nRachel Green: Good-good, don't tell him. Don't tell him. Just have him call me okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach look, I really don't think that's such a great...\nRachel Green: Okay, you go do it! I'll come back to that set! I'll meet more actors! I'll meet 'em all!\nChandler Bing: Hey Bob.\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Hey! How's my pal Toby doing today?\nChandler Bing: If I see him, I'll ask.\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Toby!\nMr. Franklin: Hey-hey! Bing? Was that Bob from six you were just talking too?\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nMr. Franklin: Oh then you know each other.\nChandler Bing: We're on a semi-first name basis.\nMr. Franklin: What do you think of adding him to our team?\nChandler Bing: Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes.\nMr. Franklin: Really? They love him down on six.\nChandler Bing: But this is eleven. It's almost twice as hard up here.\nMr. Franklin: Okay, I hear you loud and clear. Bob will stay put.\nChandler Bing: I think it's best sir.\nMr. Franklin: But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. I've got a stack of documents on my desk this high.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what you should do, just toss 'em in the shedder and claim you never got 'em.\nMr. Franklin: That's a good one.\nChandler Bing: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has got to go!\nPhoebe Buffay: But...\nMonica Geller: No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, \"Ha-ha! Gotcha!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay, but you can't fire him today.\nMonica Geller: Why not?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I'm dumping him today.\nMonica Geller: What?! You said he was sweet!\nPhoebe Buffay: He is sweet. He's too sweet. He calls me all the time. \"So did-did you get home from work okay?\" \"Did-did you get out of the shower okay?\"\nMonica Geller: Just don't pick up your phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then he comes over! \"I'm so worried about you.\" Uck! Be a man!\nMonica Geller: What? So now I'm not allowed to fire him?\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't fire him and dump him the same day, he'll kill himself.\nMonica Geller: Okay well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, I'll kill myself!\nMonica Geller: Okay well, then we'll both do it today and he'll just have to deal with it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. But the question is who's gonna go first. 'Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.\nMonica Geller: What do you mean?\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on! The boss that fires a guy that's just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired, blond bitch!\nMonica Geller: I wanted to do this days ago so I think I should go first.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, that makes sense. Ugh. But-Screw you I'm going first!\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Hey Toby, you got a sec?\nChandler Bing: Sure, what's up?\nBob (Chandler's coworker): I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks I'm not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?\nRachel Green: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight. \"Umm, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm a Mormon,\" or \"I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?\"\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: So, what do you want to do tonight? There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelica that's supposed to be very powerful. Interested?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. No. But I'll go see a normal person movie with ya.\nRoss Geller: Rach? You wanna come?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I can't. I got a date.\nRoss Geller: A date?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you?\nRoss Geller: Why no, it's the opposite of weird. It's-it's uh, regular. It's-it's uh, it's mundane. It's actually uh, a little dull.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's no Ukrainian film.\nRachel Green: Yeah-Ooh! Earrings!\nRoss Geller: A date?! She's-she's got a date?! With who?\nJoey Tribbiani: I set her up with this actor on my show.\nRoss Geller: You set her up?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No\nRoss Geller: Joey what-what were you thinking?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was thinking that it'd probably be okay because Ross hasn't gone out with Rachel in five years!\nRoss Geller: Joey, I'm not worried about her! I'm worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this actor taking them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm an actor too! I'm not sure. I think they're taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.\nRoss Geller: A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?\nRoss Geller: Why don't they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-that's a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! That's fun too! Whew!!\nKash: Hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash.\nKash: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hi. I-I hear you're going on a ferry tonight.\nKash: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: A bit of a daredevil are we?\nRachel Green: Hey guys do you think this is too slutty-Hi Kash!\nKash: Hey Rachel! You ready to go?\nRachel Green: Yeah! All right, I'll see you guys later.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Have a great time you guys.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nKash: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Yes it is too slutty!\nTim: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nTim: Oh, I'm so glad you called. I feel like it's always me calling you. So, what's up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: It will be...in a minute. Listen, Tim you're a really great guy.\nTim: It's because I'm with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw. I'm just-I'm in a place in my life right now where I...I...\nTim: Whoops. Sorry. This just in. Oh, it's 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh-oh no she doesn't! I know what that is. You can stay.\nTim: Awww, I'll miss you too Pheebs. And I will be holding you, right here.\nJoey Tribbiani: So what movie do you want to see-And not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books.\nRoss Geller: Books?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but it's like enough!\nRoss Geller: Well, I tell you what. Why don't we uh, why don't we just stay here? Let's not see a movie, we'll just hang.\nJoey Tribbiani: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?\nRoss Geller: Hey, if that's what you want to do I'm not gonna say no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! What is going on?!\nRoss Geller: I just...I have to find out how it went.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nRoss Geller: This guy could be my baby's stepfather!\nJoey Tribbiani: They go on one date and you're worried about them getting married?! He's not you!\nRoss Geller: I just-I-I can't believe she's-she's dating?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do?\nRoss Geller: I don't know! I guess I just can't believe any of this is happening.\nJoey Tribbiani: What do you mean?\nRoss Geller: It's just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susan's, it's like-It breaks my heart a little. I mean I've always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Y'know? Maybe fight over the science section.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!\nRoss Geller: No! No I can't. I mean Rachel's out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?\nRoss Geller: It used to be. Now she doesn't really have a face. Smokin' body though.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isn't Rachel.\nRoss Geller: No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, but I don't think that's what she wants.\nRoss Geller: No, it's not what I want either. I mean I-I can't force myself to fall in love with her again now.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? It's not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what there's gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I tell you what. Let's you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on!\nRoss Geller: We can still catch that Ukrainian film.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I said fun!\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Hey Toby!\nChandler Bing: Hey Bobby.\nBob (Chandler's coworker): It's Bob actually. Hey, you work up here, can you tell me where this Chandler Bing's office is?\nChandler Bing: Uhh yeah. Yeah, it's right, right down there. Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?\nBob (Chandler's coworker): I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is.\nChandler Bing: Okay Bob listen uhh, I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here.\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Toby don't.\nChandler Bing: Bob!\nBob (Chandler's coworker): Toby! I'm not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Well that puts me in a difficult position.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nTim: I got your page, is everything okay?\nMonica Geller: Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe?\nTim: Oh it's great! It's great! Thank you so much for introducing us!\nMonica Geller: Oh my pleasure. Okay, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica!\nMonica Geller: You're fired!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm breaking up with you!\nTim: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm, I'm breaking up with you.\nMonica Geller: You're fired.\nTim: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm just-I'm...I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.\nMonica Geller: Yeah and-and I'm sorry too. But, well I just-I like things done a certain way and the chemistry's just not right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh that's good, the chemistry thing for us too.\nTim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm... I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, it's only because I think you're so amazing. And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because I-you're the most talented chef I've ever worked for. Anyway...\nMonica Geller: Tim wait!\nTim: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-there's a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again.\nTim: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nTim: Thank you so much! 'Cause I-I know I can do better!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here.\nRoss Geller: Hello.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Well, how was the date?\nRachel Green: Well I'm alone and I just bought fifteen dollars worth of candy bars, what do you think?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh. What happened?\nRachel Green: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.\nRoss Geller: Ah, he didn't uh, take it so well?\nRachel Green: Well better than you, but y'know still not what you want.\nRoss Geller: Oh?\nRachel Green: He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, \"Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch.\"\nRoss Geller: He sounds swell.\nRachel Green: Doesn't he?\nRoss Geller: Hey, wanna...wanna a little cheering up?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Sit down.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Guess whose middle name is Muriel.\nRachel Green: Chandler M. Bing?\nRoss Geller: Yeah-ha!\nRachel Green: Oh my God.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry about your date.\nRachel Green: Oh it's all right. I'm guess I'm just done with the whole dating thing. It's one more thing in my life that's suddenly completely different. This is hard.\nRoss Geller: Yeah I know. On the other hand in um, in about seven months you're gonna have something that you're gonna love more than any guy you've ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea.\nRachel Green: Thanks sweetie.\nRoss Geller: You wanna, you wanna grab some coffee?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I think I'm gonna go home and eat ten candy bars.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I thought I cheered you up.\nRachel Green: Oh you did, there are twenty in here.\nRoss Geller: Right. Good night.\nRachel Green: Good night.\nMona: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nMona: Hey it's Mona! From the wedding.\nRoss Geller: Oh hi!\nMona: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Wow! Uh...how are you?\nMona: I'm good except umm, you still owe me a dance.\nRoss Geller: Oh that's right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film?\nMona: Oh you're serious. Sure!\nRoss Geller: Great! Well umm...\nMona: I think I might need one more cup of coffee.\nRoss Geller: Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya.\nMona: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Bob. Bob! Bob!!! What the hell are you doing?!\nBob (Chandler's coworker): I just found out this is Chandler's office! Come on Toby, give me a hand!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey you guys?\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: I know it's last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good!\nMonica Geller: And everybody has to wear costumes. Come on! It'll be fun!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'll-I'll be there. I mean I have to wear a costume to all my classes that day anyway so...\nRachel Green: Please tell me you're not gonna dress up like a dinosaur.\nRoss Geller: Not two years in a row.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I'll come to the party but I'm not dressing up.\nMonica Geller: You have to!\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! Look, Halloween is so stupid! Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not...\nChandler Bing: You're an actor!\nMonica Geller: So Ross, are you gonna bring Mona?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.\nJoey Tribbiani: That hot girl from their wedding?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huh-Ooh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-No-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?\nRoss Geller: That's right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. Please don't take her from me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ursula! Wait! Err-err, it's me! Phoebe!\nUrsula Buffay: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a second! So, what's new with you?\nUrsula Buffay: Umm, nothing. I mean, I'm getting married next week.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah! Yeah, it's gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. His.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh. Okay. Well, I'm really happy for you.\nUrsula Buffay: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess that'd be okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nUrsula Buffay: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Okay. Umm, y'know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying.\nUrsula Buffay: Huh. Well, I'm supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. I'm supposed to be working right now, so who cares.\nPhoebe Buffay: By the way, it's a costume party.\nUrsula Buffay: Oh! Okay, so that's why you're...\nPhoebe Buffay: No. But thanks.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Wait! You're supposed to wear a costume!\nRachel Green: I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she won't be able to fit into it.\nMonica Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: Ahh!\nMonica Geller: I'm Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nKids: Trick or treat!\nRachel Green: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Y'know, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.\nKids: Trick or treat!!\nRachel Green: Just a minute!!! Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch.\nWitch: Thank you.\nRachel Green: And you are a very funny clown.\nClown: Thank you.\nRachel Green: And you are so in style right now. Y'know, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I don't suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but...\nCowgirl: Can I just have the candy?\nRachel Green: Yeah. Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah, Catwoman. So we meet again.\nMonica Geller: So we do Supergirl.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's me. Phoebe!\nChandler Bing: Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume...\nRachel Green: Oh, you did this to him?\nMonica Geller: What?! I thought he'd love it! His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit!\nChandler Bing: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!\nMonica Geller: Well, it was either a pink bunny or no bunny at all.\nChandler Bing: No bunny at all!! Always no bunny at all!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: You didn't dress up either?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes I did! I'm Chandler. Dude, what happened?\nChandler Bing: How is that me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. I'm Chandler\nPhoebe Buffay: That is so you!\nChandler Bing: When have I ever done that?!\nJoey Tribbiani: When have I ever done that?!\nGirl: Trick or treat!\nRachel Green: Oh! Well you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen.\nBallerina: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy.\nBallerina: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Well, I have to say that earns tutu pieces of candy.\nBallerina: I love you!\nRachel Green: Ohh... Oh, honey here. Take it all. Monica! We need more candy?\nMonica Geller: What?! There's only been like four kids.\nRachel Green: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.\nPhoebe Buffay: No wonder your pregnant.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey.\nMonica Geller: What are you supposed to be?\nRoss Geller: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? Well, I'm a potato or a...spud. And these are my antennae. So Sputnik, becomes... Spud-nik. Spudnik!\nChandler Bing: Wow! I don't have the worst costume anymore!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey all right, Ross came as doody.\nRoss Geller: No, I-I'm not doody.\nMonica Geller: No, space doody!\nEric: Aren't you gonna give me a kiss?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.\nEric: Ursula?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ursula's fiance?\nEric: Oh my God, you're the sister!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nEric: Okay, I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nEric: I'm an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.\nPhoebe Buffay: My mother killed herself.\nEric: She, now I knew that and...now I'm sweating. Look at me, I'm really sweating-Now I'm saying, \"Look at me,\" I'm getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no! That's okay, we'll just start over. Okay? Hi! I'm Phoebe.\nEric: Eric.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why are you looking at me like that?\nEric: 'Cause the sweat's getting in my eyes and its burning.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. So, what are you?\nEric: I don't think they have a name for it. It's just I get nervous; I start sweating like crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: No I-I meant your costume.\nEric: Oh umm, I'm the solar system. Yeah, my students helped me make it-I teach the second grade.\nPhoebe Buffay: I love the second grade!\nEric: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! It's so much better than first grade when you don't know what's going on and definitely better than third grade. Y'know with all the politics and mind games.\nEric: So what do you do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I'm a masseuse...by day.\nEric: Y'know you don't have to stand here with me, believe me...\nPhoebe Buffay: No I'm having fun. I'm really-And I'm really-really excited for you and Ursula.\nEric: Oh I feel very lucky, she's great. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: You read comic books right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Exclusively.\nMonica Geller: Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?\nJoey Tribbiani: Catwoman, hands down.\nMonica Geller: Yeah...\nJoey Tribbiani: But between you and Phoebe, I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.\nMonica Geller: What?! Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kiddin'? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She-She's not standing right behind me is she?\nMonica Geller: No you're fine. All right well, do you think I could take Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not sure.\nMonica Geller: What?! Come on I am tough! Punch me right here! As hard as you can!\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you relax?! What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter.\nMonica Geller: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, y'know, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I would say, \"Woman, please!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Ursula's fiance is really sweet! He's a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Y'know normally y'know, I don't like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: You're getting a crush on your sister's fiance.\nPhoebe Buffay: No I'm not! You are!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here comes the temper.\nGirl: Trick or treat!\nRachel Green: Hi! Y'know what honey, we're actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but I'm out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?\nGirl: Okay!\nRachel Green: Okay, what's your name?\nGirl: Lelani Mayolanofavich.\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm just gonna write this out to cash.\nMona: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hey Mona!\nChandler Bing: Oh! Hi!\nMona: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Joey's gonna be thrilled! He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse.\nMona: Umm, actually I'm just a nurse.\nChandler Bing: You'd think that would embarrass me, but you see I'm maxed out.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMona: Hi!\nRoss Geller: You made it!\nMona: Wait-wait! You're umm, you're a potato...\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm a spud...\nMona: And the antennae...Oh my God you're Spudnik!\nRoss Geller: Yes!\nChandler Bing: Marry her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, here's a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.\nMonica Geller: I can't answer that! Chandler's my husband.\nJoey Tribbiani: So Ross?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nEric: Hey beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello handsome. Oh God. Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?\nEric: Two weeks ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Two weeks? That's it?\nEric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it's not like me to do something so impulsive, but she's just so perfect, and we have so much in common.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh really?\nEric: We're both teachers.\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nEric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.\nPhoebe Buffay: Peace Corps, really?\nEric: In fact when we were building houses in Uruguay, we were, we were just two towns apart and we never met.\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. Shall we get me really drunk?\nEric: Sure.\nChandler Bing: Howdy doody.\nRoss Geller: That's funny. Yeah. Y'know you're the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.\nChandler Bing: Oh relax man, relax. You're looking a little flushed.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.\nChandler Bing: What question?\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?\nChandler Bing: There's no question.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you think Ross too?\nChandler Bing: You picked Ross?!\nMonica Geller: Ross is really strong! Okay, he's the strongest out of all three of you! Except for Joey.\nChandler Bing: I cannot believe you didn't pick me.\nRoss Geller: Uh, in her defense, she's right. I am stronger. I would destroy you.\nChandler Bing: Oh really?! You think you're stronger? Why don't you prove it?\nRoss Geller: Oh I'll prove it! I'll prove it like a theorem!!\nMonica Geller: Wait-wait!! Okay, stop it! Stop it! Stop! Now listen, no one's gonna fight in this apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Monica! People came to see a fight, let's give 'em what they came for!\nMona: Hey, you guys could arm wrestle.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Listen to the slutty nurse.\nChandler Bing: You're going down.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? You're going further down! Downtown!\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.\nRachel Green: Oh Gunther! You brought candy! Thank you so much for picking this up! You are so sweet.\nGunther: Really?\nRachel Green: Honey, someday you are gonna make some man the luckiest guy in the world.\nKid: Trick or treat!\nRachel Green: Gotta go! Hi! Wow! There you go!\nBoy In The Cape: My friend Lewis told me you were giving out money.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, we were but umm, now we've got candy.\nBoy In The Cape: I'd rather have the money.\nRachel Green: Well, that-that's not your choice. Happy Halloween!\nBoy In The Cape: This isn't fair.\nRachel Green: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?\nBoy In The Cape: Shut up!\nRachel Green: You shut up!\nBoy In The Cape: You can't tell me to shut up!\nRachel Green: Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah I know-I'm good-I got it! Now wait a minute, I've got one more thing I have to say to you...oh right! Shut up!\nBoy In The Cape: You're a mean old woman.\nRachel Green: No! Wait no! Shut up-I mean don't cry! Let me get my checkbook!\nMonica Geller: Look honey, you don't have to do this, okay? It's the strength you have inside that means the most to me. You're loyal, you're honest, and you have integrity! That's the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love!\nChandler Bing: That means nothing to me. Come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi liar!\nUrsula Buffay: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know the only reason he's marrying you is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true.\nUrsula Buffay: Well they could be true.\nPhoebe Buffay: But they're not!\nUrsula Buffay: Yeah, it's a fine line huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: Why are you lying to him?\nUrsula Buffay: I don't know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.\nEric: Honey?\nUrsula Buffay: It's a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!\nEric: She's helped so many people to quit smoking.\nUrsula Buffay: Y'know, we'd really better get going.\nEric: Oh right, you've got a church group meeting tonight.\nUrsula Buffay: Right.\nEric: Well, it was nice meeting you.\nPhoebe Buffay: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! We're waiting! Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?\nRoss Geller: Pride.\nChandler Bing: And dignity.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, if you say so. All right, ready? Set! Go!\nMona: Wow! They're both really strong.\nJoey Tribbiani: Or equally weak.\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmm?\nMonica Geller: Chandler's making his sex face.\nRoss Geller: So, you gettin' tired?\nChandler Bing: Nope! I can do this all day.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Me too. Gettin' a little tired though.\nChandler Bing: God, I'm exhausted.\nRoss Geller: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Mona's standing right over there. Oh God, she's talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!\nChandler Bing: No way! If anything you've gotta let me win! My wife thinks I'm a wimp!\nRoss Geller: Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knockin' people up! And I'm dressed as doody.\nChandler Bing: You're Spudnik.\nRoss Geller: Come on, who are we kidding? I'm doody. Please? She's watchin'.\nChandler Bing: Fine. Oh no!\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah!\nMona: Yay! My hero!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a weird lady.\nEric: Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nEric: What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure it does. Yeah, yeah.\nEric: Well, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm listen, I don't think...I don't think I'm gonna make it to the wedding. So I just want to wish you all the luck in the world.\nEric: I think we'll be okay. Besides it's so perfect and she's been saving herself for me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay I can't let you do this! She's lying to you.\nEric: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. Okay. Okay. Yeah-Not a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. Okay, here's the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, here's her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?\nEric: She told me she was 25.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I almost don't want to show this. Just remember I'm a minute younger.\nEric: I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! She's not a teacher. There's not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. You're not, you're not stupid.\nEric: I'm not smart. I just wanted so much to...be impulsive once. To be romantic.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just...you did it with the wrong person. What?\nEric: It's just so weird, two people look so much alike, and so different.\nUrsula Buffay: Eric!! Let's go!!\nEric: I'd better go, deal...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you should.\nUrsula Buffay: Hurry up I gotta pray!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not so bad.\nRachel Green: No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! You're good with kids. They're just crazy on Halloween. Y'know, they're all greedy and hopped up on sugar!\nRachel Green: Really? You think that's all it is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas...and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime they're hungry or sleepy. Y'know, kids are tough. Good luck with that.\nMonica Geller: Look, I wanted to tell I'm-I'm sorry you lost.\nChandler Bing: Listen, I've got a secret for ya. I let him win.\nMonica Geller: Is that a secret or a lie.\nChandler Bing: No, I let him win-Ross!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nChandler Bing: Would you tell her I let you win please?\nRoss Geller: Oh. Yeah. Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandler's really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse!\nChandler Bing: I am strong! I'll show you!\nMonica Geller: Chandler please!\nChandler Bing: Oh what's the matter? Are you scared?\nMonica Geller: Let's go big bunny!\nChandler Bing: Okay. 1...2...3-Go! I'm gonna kill myself!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You cleaned! Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works!\nChandler Bing: Y'know uh, I didn't actually do this.\nMonica Geller: Oh no, was I cleaning in my sleep again?\nChandler Bing: No, it wasn't you.\nMonica Geller: Well then who?\nChandler Bing: I got a maid. Yay!\nMonica Geller: I hope by maid you mean mistress, because if some other woman was here cleaning then...\nChandler Bing: Uh honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control...\nMonica Geller: Oh, relinquish is just a fancy word for lose!\nChandler Bing: Look, she's really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.\nMonica Geller: Did she really say that?\nChandler Bing: Yes, I distinctly remember 'cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?\nMonica Geller: Fine, I can do it. Whew.\nChandler Bing: What's the matter?\nMonica Geller: Well, usually when I'm this anxious, I clean!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who's cell phone is that? It's just so annoying; everywhere you go.\nRoss Geller: I think it's coming from your bag.\nPhoebe Buffay: I never get calls!! Hello?\nEric: Hi, it's Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursula's fiance.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God Eric hi! Wait, how'd you get this number?\nEric: Oh, I have a friend who's a cop and he got it for me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! What an incredible violation-and wonderful surprise.\nEric: Uh listen, I just-I thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you did? He did it! He did it!\nRachel Green: Wow! What did he do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Shhh! I'm talking.\nEric: Anyway, I was wondering if, you were the sort of person who...eats lunch.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you asking me out? 'Cause it would be kinda weird since you just broke up with my sister.\nEric: Yeah uh...okay. I'm-I'm sorry. Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Wait! I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me.\nEric: Uhh, I won't take no for an answer.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not great, but we can work on it at lunch. Okay, I can be at your apartment in two hours.\nEric: Great! But wh-wh-How do you know where I live?\nPhoebe Buffay: I've got friends too. Okay, bye.\nEric: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I'm going out with Eric! Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I can't make lunch.\nRoss Geller: So apparently I'm available for lunch.\nRachel Green: I can't. I'm busy. I'm apartment hunting.\nRoss Geller: You're moving?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, \"How you doin'?\"\nRoss Geller: So does-does Joey know you're moving?\nRachel Green: Well, I haven't discussed it with him yet, but I know he's gonna be relieved. Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.\nRoss Geller: That's not really porn.\nRachel Green: Not so much.\nRoss Geller: Hey, y'know what and if you're looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Was she old? Does she have a view?\nRoss Geller: Well I don't know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. With your permission.\nRachel Green: Yeah that would really be great.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well can we see it?! Oh maybe we shouldn't. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. No. No you're right.\nRachel Green: Shall we?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Yes?\nRoss Geller: Hi. I'm Ross Geller. I live in the building.\nRachel Green: And I'm Rachel, an admirer of the building.\nRoss Geller: I-I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away and I'm so sorry for your loss.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: She didn't pass.\nRoss Geller: What?\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: My mother's still alive.\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank God!\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning, but she's a tough old bird.\nRachel Green: Ahh.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Are you close with her?\nRoss Geller: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in the laundry room.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: You Speak Dutch? Zeer Vereerd Een Vriend Van Mijn Moeder Te Ontmoeten.\nRoss Geller: Y'know I would it's just painful.\nRachel Green: So she's really not dead.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: No, she's hanging in there.\nRachel Green: Hmm. Do you think-Could you tell me if she's hanging in, in a one bedroom or a two?\nBrenda: Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible! Where'd you get it?\nMonica Geller: Oh well umm, I make it myself! It's two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. And now the secret ingredient is...y'know what? We just met.\nBrenda: Okay. Uhh, I'm gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now. And, when I come back I'll clean behind the refrigerator.\nMonica Geller: I love her.\nBrenda: I'll be back in a minute.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: See? I told you.\nMonica Geller: She stole my jeans!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them!\nChandler Bing: So she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you?\nMonica Geller: Don't you see? It's the perfect crime!\nChandler Bing: She must've been planning this for years!\nMonica Geller: I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!\nChandler Bing: Honey, isn't it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair?\nMonica Geller: I guess.\nChandler Bing: So, shouldn't we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go...snooping around her crotch?\nMonica Geller: Fine. I'm just glad I didn't give her my secret ingredient.\nChandler Bing: Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nEric: Come in, I'm so glad you're here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, me too. Not in the shaky angry way you are though.\nEric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nEric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just...I got so angry just looking at her...face.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Yeah.\nEric: I'm sorry. I just...when I look at you I see her. When I see her I get a little bit angry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe this is too weird.\nEric: No wait! There's only a problem when I look at you. Oh I got it! I got it.\nPhoebe Buffay: No don't tear out your eyes!!\nEric: I was just, I was just gonna take out my lenses.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah try that. So, is that better?\nEric: Not really. You...you're blurry, but you still look like Ursula. You're Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe...If I-if I just don't look at you for a while. See? It...it works. I'm not, I'm not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!\nPhoebe Buffay: Look Eric, turn around. Look, I like you, but it shouldn't be this hard. Y'know? This is our first date y'know? First dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and 'Ooh, he just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand?' and y'know first kisses and...second kisses.\nRoss Geller: Thanks for the coffee, or bedankt voor de koffie, Gunter.\nGunther: Jij Spreekt Nederlands? Dat Is Te Gek. Heb Je Familie Daar?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we're done.\nGunther: Ezel.\nRoss Geller: Ezel? Ezel? Ezel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?\nRoss Geller: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Sweet!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, well finish your coffee; let's go.\nRoss Geller: Okay I-I just have to stop by my place first.\nJoey Tribbiani: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, you're not gonna be on TV!\nRoss Geller: No-no, I-I have to see if this apartment became available.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you're switching apartments?\nRoss Geller: It's not for me, it's for Rachel.\nJoey Tribbiani: But Rachel has an apartment.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, but when the baby comes she's gonna want to move.\nJoey Tribbiani: She is?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you didn't expect her to live there with a baby did you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess I didn't really think about it.\nRoss Geller: Ezel! Hey Gunther! You're an ezel!\nGunther: Jij Hebt Seks Met Ezels.\nRoss Geller: Damnit!\nMonica Geller: Nice jeans!\nBrenda: Oh thanks! I like your top.\nMonica Geller: Oh. You're not gettin' it.\nBrenda: What happened?!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I fell asleep.\nBrenda: I was thinking about taking my lunch break.\nMonica Geller: Oh, will you do the top of the cabinets? That'll really work up your appetite for lunch.\nBrenda: All right.\nMonica Geller: Hello.\nBrenda: What's going on?!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry. I've never had a maid before, is this not okay?\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: How was the game?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, okay. I...I ate way too much.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh. So umm, I was talkin' to Ross and he said you were looking for a new place.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Hopefully across the street if certain Dutch people would just let go.\nJoey Tribbiani: I was kinda hoping you'd stay.\nRachel Green: Oh but Joey, I have to go. There's no room for a baby here.\nJoey Tribbiani: No room? It's a baby. It's like this big. Y'know, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. Or-or-or we could put it right here. Aw, it's cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. You wouldn't even notice it. Where's the baby?\nRachel Green: Honey, it's not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when there's a screaming baby around.\nJoey Tribbiani: I could use a challenge! It's getting pretty easy.\nRachel Green: Honey, it's so sweet that you want me to stay, but I-I can't do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love living with you so much. I just wish things didn't have to change.\nRachel Green: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know I blame Ross for this.\nRachel Green: I do too a little bit.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna miss you, you're the hottest roommate I ever had.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, oh no! I have to go! I have a massage appointment.\nEric: Oh no, stay here we'll keep doing this. I'll pay you.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I got in trouble for that before. I'll see you later.\nEric: Absolutely. I love the way you kiss.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? That's the thing I'm worse at! You'll see.\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey! Umm, I think Brenda needs a raise.\nChandler Bing: How come?\nMonica Geller: Because I put my head between her legs.\nChandler Bing: To see her pants?\nMonica Geller: They're my pants!\nChandler Bing: Are you sure? Did you see the stain?\nMonica Geller: No! I was just getting into position and then everything went dark.\nChandler Bing: God! She is not stealing from us! Okay, will you let this go?\nMonica Geller: Fine. She's wearing my bra!\nChandler Bing: Oh dear God!\nMonica Geller: My pink flowered bra! I recognize the strap!\nChandler Bing: And yet you don't recognize that you're crazy.\nMonica Geller: Here's the plan! Okay? I'm going to leave you get a look at Brenda's bra!\nChandler Bing: Here's another plan...No!\nMonica Geller: I would do it but she thinks I'm attracted to her!\nChandler Bing: Why?\nMonica Geller: Did you not hear where my head was? Come on! Come on we're a team! We're in this together!\nChandler Bing: I fear a jury will see it the same way!\nMonica Geller: Do this for me! Come on, I catch you looking at woman's breasts all the time!\nChandler Bing: You see that?\nMonica Geller: Do you see this?\nChandler Bing: All right. Yes. Okay. I get your point. But if it's not your bra will you just let the woman clean the apartment?!\nMonica Geller: Yes! Absolutely. Okay? Look, you'll know it's mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, there's a very noticeable rip.\nChandler Bing: You need new clothes.\nRoss Geller: Hi. How is she?\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: It's not looking good.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Oh. Well I uh, I brought her some bloemen.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: That's so sweet. Would you like to come in and say good-bye? I'm sure it would mean a lot to her.\nRoss Geller: Oh I don't know that it would.\nMrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: Well, her memory is pretty much gone.\nRoss Geller: All right then.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nEric: Welcome back!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Can we pick up where we left off?\nEric: I don't know, I'm still pretty tired out from this afternoon.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nEric: Uh, the sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: What sex?\nEric: Our sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: We didn't have sex.\nEric: Well if I didn't have sex with you, I had sex with someone that looked an awful lot like...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!\nEric: Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! No! No! No!\nPhoebe Buffay: You-you...you had sex with Ursula?!\nEric: Uh, a little bit. She-she-she walked in and I thought she was you and I kissed her and...\nPhoebe Buffay: You didn't notice she was wearing different clothes?!\nEric: Well I was just so excited to see you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ugh! Y'know what? This is too weird.\nEric: No-no it's not! I don't want to lose you! It's-it's like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was you-Yeah it is too weird.\nPhoebe Buffay: So I guess this is it.\nEric: Yeah. Maybe it's for the best. You smell just like her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, so do you.\nBrenda: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: I'm leaning. This is where I lean.\nBrenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.\nChandler Bing: Brenda a bee!\nBrenda: What?\nChandler Bing: Yes! It's flown into your blouse and you'd better undo your buttons lest it sting you!\nBrenda: I think I know what's going on here.\nChandler Bing: You do?\nBrenda: Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian, but it's wrong. You're married.\nChandler Bing: I totally understand. Can I just see your bra?\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Where did you get those jeans?!\nRachel Green: You gave them to me!\nMonica Geller: No I didn't!\nRachel Green: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.\nMonica Geller: Oh no! Did you take my bra too?!\nRachel Green: What bra?\nMonica Geller: The pink one with the flowers?!\nRachel Green: You mean the one that you're wearing?\nBrenda: I quit!\nMonica Geller: Sounds about right.\nRachel Green: What is this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uh-Oh look! Here's a baby monitor , which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?\nRachel Green: You're so sweet. Oh my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh... That-that-that's really just to show where the baby would go. Y'know why don't I hold on to him so that there's no confusion?\nRachel Green: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, it's going to be loud.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm loud!\nRachel Green: It's gonna be up all night!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm up all night!\nRachel Green: It's gonna poop!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello!\nRachel Green: What about all the women you want to bring home?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, if I'm bringing home a woman who can't stand being around a baby, then maybe I don't want to be with that woman! Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club!\nRachel Green: Joey, are you sure?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! All right-Look, I know sometimes it'll be hard, okay? But, it'll also be really...really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.\nRachel Green: I want me to stay too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ohh!\nRachel Green: Thank you. Oh Joey and look at this crib! It's so cute!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I found it on the street.\nRachel Green: Are you serious-Really?! It's in such good condition.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Wow! Whoa-whoa what's under the covers?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know.\nRachel Green: It's moving.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ew.\nRachel Green: It's still-It's got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! Ah! Okay!\nRoss Geller: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I don't care, because you got the apartment. Yes!\nRachel Green: Ewww. Yeah. Umm. I think I'm gonna stay here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Isn't that great?\nRoss Geller: Ezels!!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hey Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh?\nRachel Green: I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure. Yeah, he's kinda sexy.\nRachel Green: Oh no, no, I'll be there too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay so, we'll just come up with some kind of signal if it's going well you can take off.\nRachel Green: No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Why not?\nRachel Green: 'Cause I know he's gonna flip out and I hate it when he's angry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Rachel, this is all so 'Papa don't preach.'\nRachel Green: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again he'd make me eat the entire pack.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Oh well, I will be there!\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Gosh. I'm not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.\nMonica Geller: No you don't!\nRachel Green: No you don't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!! Monica!! He's the stripper from your bachelorette party!!\nChandler Bing: Her what?!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Your secret bachelorette party...\nChandler Bing: You had a bachelorette party?!\nPhoebe Buffay: She untied his G-string with her teeth. Somebody stop me!\nChandler Bing: I thought we weren't gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Y'know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a grand tradition!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, they surprised me. There was nothing I could do!\nRachel Green: Well you could've untied it with your hands.\nJoey Tribbiani: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasn't allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!\nChandler Bing: You went home with the waitress.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you didn't tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!\nMonica Geller: Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass!\nLeonard Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I-I don't eat meat.\nLeonard Green: It's chicken.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I don't eat that either.\nLeonard Green: I'll never understand you lesbians. So baby, tell me...what is new with you.\nRachel Green: Well actually umm...\nWaiter: Your '74 Lafite sir.\nLeonard Green: '74?! I ordered the '75! That's a magnificent wine! The '74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter?\nWaiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight!\nLeonard Green: Oh come on! Don't be such a baby!\nRachel Green: In case you didn't notice, that is a scary man.\nPhoebe Buffay: He's right though, the '74 is absolute piss.\nRachel Green: This was such a huge mistake. I can't tell him Phoebe. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't...\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel!\nRachel Green: No it's okay, this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why, so he can get mad at the baby?\nRachel Green: Hey, that is the...baby's problem. Oh, everything okay with the waiter?\nLeonard Green: I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you.\nRachel Green: Well... Umm, I got TiVo.\nLeonard Green: What's TiVo?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's slang for pregnant.\nRachel Green: Phoebe!\nLeonard Green: Are you really pregnant?\nRachel Green: Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.\nLeonard Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please don't tell me it's her!\nRachel Green: No, it's Ross. It's Ross. You like Ross. Oh daddy, I hope you're okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. You're gonna-This is your first grandchild! You're gonna be a poppy!\nLeonard Green: That's true.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nLeonard Green: Poppy. Oh, I'm gonna be a poppy. So when is the wedding?\nRachel Green: Who?\nLeonard Green: The wedding! There's going to be a wedding. Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!\nRachel Green: February 2nd!\nMona: So it was really cool seeing you lecture today.\nRoss Geller: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.\nMona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and y'know take it all in.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.\nMona: So, I gotta get going.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I-I'll see you tonight.\nMona: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay, bye.\nMona: Oh hey, thanks again for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. It was amazing!\nChandler Bing: My God! You must be good in bed!\nJoey Tribbiani: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. How's it going?\nRoss Geller: Ah, it's good. It's going good. I mean, we get along great. She's, she's so...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hot?\nRoss Geller: Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh!\nChandler Bing: She's okay with Rachel and the baby?\nRoss Geller: Well I...I haven't actually told her yet. I don't want to scare her off, y'know?\nChandler Bing: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that you're going down the same path, but you're really going down different ones.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna take that book and beat you to death with it.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight you're gonna have a bachelor party.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!\nChandler Bing: Honey! That's crazy! I don't want you to get me a stripper...\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you let the lady talk?!\nMonica Geller: Come on! Come on, it'll be fun! It'll make me feel so much better.\nChandler Bing: Look, I appreciate it, but uh, it's a little creepy. Y'know? I'm not a bachelor anymore.\nMonica Geller: So don't think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a...a two month anniversary present.\nRoss Geller: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance!\nMonica Geller: Please! I feel so bad! Just watch the hot woman get naked!\nChandler Bing: All right fine! But I'm only doing this for you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: And Joey.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite?\nChandler Bing: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.\nRoss Geller: Uh actually, sorry I can't even make it. I'm seeing Mona again tonight.\nChandler Bing: I Understand who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.\nRachel Green: I know. I know. I panicked, I panicked. I didn't want him to start yelling at me like I was some '74 Latour.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's Lafite. The '74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely.\nRachel Green: All right here he comes. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna be strong.\nLeonard Green: I just called a friend of mine.\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nLeonard Green: I think I may be able to book The Plaza on short notice.\nRachel Green: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.\nLeonard Green: What is it sweetie?\nRachel Green: There's not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.\nLeonard Green: What?!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry daddy.\nLeonard Green: I don't believe this!!\nRachel Green: Oh now daddy, stay calm. Please.\nLeonard Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross won't marry you?! That's it! Is that it?!\nRachel Green: Yes. Yes, he says I'm damaged goods.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you uh, nervous about getting married?\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, look let's pretend it's a real bachelor party. Okay? Y'know? Before your wedding. Come on, it'll be fun.\nChandler Bing: Okay. I can't believe tomorrow's the big day.\nJoey Tribbiani: How does it feel knowing you're never gonna be with another woman again huh? Knowing you're gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday until you finally have the sweet release of death.\nChandler Bing: You're right, this is more fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's her! Okay, come on!\nStripper: Hi!\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nStripper: So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, that-that's-that's me!\nChandler Bing: That's me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.\nStripper: So is that a bedroom?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah right over there.\nStripper: All right, whenever you're ready.\nChandler Bing: That was weird.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why-why would she go in the bedroom?\nStripper: I'm waiting.\nChandler Bing: So she's a...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's one naked hooker!\nMona: I love your place! Where is this guy from?\nRoss Geller: Uh that's an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.\nMona: Oh wow! So, you're more than just dinosaurs.\nRoss Geller: So much more.\nMona: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm so sorry!\nRoss Geller: Aw forget it, it's from Pier One. Sorry.\nLeonard Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! I'm gonna kill you!!\nRoss Geller: Y'know this is actually not a great time for me.\nLeonard Green: So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel pregnant!\nMona: You got Rachel pregnant?!\nRoss Geller: Who did?!\nLeonard Green: You did!\nRoss Geller: Yes. Yes, yes I did. But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.\nLeonard Green: Oh? Really? That's what my daughter means to you? Nothing?\nRoss Geller: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I care-I-I love Rachel.\nMona: What?!\nRoss Geller: Oh but not that way. I mean...I mean I'm not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.\nLeonard Green: Oh really? That's how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?\nRoss Geller: Hey! I offered to marry her!\nMona: Wh...\nRoss Geller: But I didn't want to.\nLeonard Green: Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?!\nMona: Tramp?!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe there is a naked hooker in there!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait! Wait! Maybe she's a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what she's supposed to do.\nChandler Bing: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. Ma'am, are you also a stripper?\nHooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but that's gonna cost extra. Okay, here's the extras, handcuffs, spanking...\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe Monica's playing a joke on ya. Y'know? Getting her own husband a hooker, that's pretty funny.\nChandler Bing: That is funny, maybe for my birthday she'll murder someone.\nJoey Tribbiani: I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy.\nHooker: Do you mind if I smoke in here?\nChandler Bing: Oh actually, I'd rather you...Yeah, go ahead. We're gonna have to burn that room down anyway.\nMona: How could you have kept all of this from me?\nRoss Geller: I was going to tell you, but...\nLeonard Green: But what?! You figured you'd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!\nRoss Geller: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! Nor are we still together. Can I just... Why don't we just let the machine get that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross. It's Joey. There's a hooker over here and we thought maybe you'd know something about it.\nRoss Geller: No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-I-I need to, I need to lie down.\nStu: So, tonight's the night of the big bachelor party?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girl's number.\nStu: No problem. So who's the party for?\nMonica Geller: My husband.\nStu: You hired your husband a hooker?\nMonica Geller: She's a stripper.\nStu: No, she's a hooker.\nMonica Geller: Is that, is that what they call strippers sometimes?\nStu: When they're hookers.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God Stu! I-I can't believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure she's a hooker?\nStu: Either that or she's just the best, most expensive date I ever had.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.\nChandler Bing: Why would she do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe she wants you to learn something. Huh? Now is there anything you're really bad at y'know, sexually?\nChandler Bing: This is the worst bachelor party ever!\nHooker: What's taking you boys so long?\nJoey Tribbiani: In a minute!\nChandler Bing: In a minute? What's gonna happen in a minute?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave.\nChandler Bing: Why me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! It's your bachelor party.\nChandler Bing: Which is why you should do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't want to. You do it!\nChandler Bing: You do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: You do it!\nChandler Bing: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I miss this.\nChandler Bing: I don't think we've actually done this before!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I-I miss hanging out with you.\nChandler Bing: Well we...we still hang out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. Y'know now it's like...things are different.\nChandler Bing: Well y'know, things are different. I'm...I'm married now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sure-And hey, don't get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just...I miss...hanging out...just-just us, y'know?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on we'll make time to hang out with each other.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got it. Come here.\nHooker: Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys.\nMonica Geller: She's a hooker! She's a hooker! She's a... Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone.\nRoss Geller: So your dad dropped by. He's a pleasant man!\nRachel Green: Oh no...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'D Better Go. Just Over Here I don't want to miss the fight.\nRachel Green: Ross I'm so sorry. Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail.\nRoss Geller: I don't care about your dad! I care about Mona! She was there and now she's totally freaked out!\nRachel Green: Oh okay, I'll fix that to. What's her e-mail address?\nRoss Geller: Rachel!\nRachel Green: All right, I promise. I'll fix this. I swear. I'll-I'll-I'll-I'll talk to her.\nRoss Geller: Okay!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's it?! You call that a fight? Come on! \"We were on a break!\" \"No we weren't!\" What happened to you two?!\nRoss Geller: Thank you so much for coming back over.\nMona: Oh good, you're here. Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable.\nRachel Green: I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, I'm so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. You're gonna have to tell me how you did that.\nRoss Geller: Focus.\nRachel Green: Okay. Um...But-Okay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.\nMona: How can I be sure on that?\nRachel Green: Oh we just-we drove each other crazy!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I mean he was possessive, he was jealous, he could never just let the little things go!\nRoss Geller: Trying to date this woman.\nRachel Green: Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is.\nRoss Geller: Probably shouldn't touch me.\nMona: Y'know, I-I-I just...I don't want to get in the middle of something so complicated.\nRachel Green: I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? I am so gonna leave right now.\nRoss Geller: Should I leave this open for you too?\nMona: I'm not sure yet. Why didn't you just tell me about all this?\nRoss Geller: Because what's going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you.\nMona: Yeah? Well you still shoulda told me.\nRoss Geller: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachel's father. Look I...I made a mistake, but it's only because I really, really like you. Really!\nMona: Okay, I guess you can...close the door now.\nRachel Green: Forgot my purse! Oh, you guys made up. He's a good kisser isn't he? I'm going!\nMonica Geller: I swear I didn't know she was a hooker! I mean wh-Did you let her smoke in here?\nChandler Bing: Her ass print is still on your grandmother's quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking?\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I'm gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper , and you're gonna get a stripper.\nChandler Bing: Monica! Wait!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Carry on.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. I think I'll take them off.\nChandler Bing: Could you not narrate?\nMonica Geller: Gotcha sailor.\nLeonard Green: ...just because you're not in love with the guy you can't...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, you told your dad the truth.\nRachel Green: About an hour ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wanna go see a movie?\nRachel Green: Yes! Bye daddy.\nLeonard Green: ...there's gonna be a wedding! That's unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! ...constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! What gives you the right to... Go to hell! Stupid guy on my phone."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.\nRachel Green: Oh my...God! Let me see that!\nJoey Tribbiani: You fall for it every time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: I brought you my old maternity clothes!\nRachel Green: Oh Pheebs that's so sweet-Ooh, those are so cute!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! And look, see how they expand as the baby grows? And then after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons.\nMonica Geller: Oh good you're all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four o'clock. Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: He was in Ross's class...marching band...kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.\nRachel Green: Wow! I don't remember him. Honey, are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.\nMonica Geller: No that was Jarred! Wow! I haven't thought about him in a long time... Anyway, umm Will's, Will's here on business and he didn't have a place to go so I invited him here.\nRachel Green: Oh that's nice.\nMonica Geller: Oh, and by the way, he's lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! I still love Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: I just want you to say it once in a while.\nMonica Geller: All right okay, just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nMonica Geller: Well Phoebe doesn't eat turkey...\nJoey Tribbiani: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Turkey's are beautiful, intelligent animals!\nJoey Tribbiani: No they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious!\nMonica Geller: All right! Okay, it's just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry.\nJoey Tribbiani: She is?\nRachel Green: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.\nMonica Geller: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? It's a lot of work.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!\nMonica Geller: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But just-there's gonna be a ton left over.\nJoey Tribbiani: No there won't! I promise I will finish that turkey!\nMonica Geller: All right, you're telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!\nMonica Geller: Hey, isn't weird to think about how next year at this time they'll be a little baby at the table? Rachel's! But good to know where you're at!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Happy Thanksgiving!\nMonica Geller: You too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Anything I can do to help?\nMonica Geller: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but he's really into the game so I don't want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna go across the hall to check on the yams.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! We're not at a barn dance. You've gotta-you wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. So how's the game?\nChandler Bing: I have no idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! I'm just pretending to watch the game so I don't have to help out with stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't believe you! That is...brilliant! And Monica has no idea?\nChandler Bing: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.\nMonica Geller: Is your team winning hon?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! There's no Anderson.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I don't think I can help you after all, I didn't realize this game was on.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I didn't know you liked football.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well normally I don't, but y'know...Green Bay is playing.\nMonica Geller: You like Green Bay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well it's only like my favorite bay! {Actually, it's not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J }\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nWill Colbert: Hey!\nWill Colbert: Happy Thanksgiving!\nMonica Geller: Aww thanks! God Will I'm so glad that you came! You look great! You must've lost like...\nWill Colbert: 150 pounds. Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials.\nMonica Geller: A pie!\nWill Colbert: Oh right. All right, it's no fat, it's no sugar, it's no dairy...it's no good. Throw it out.\nMonica Geller: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.\nWill Colbert: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Oh hey. I'd shake your hand but uh; I'm really into the game. Plus, I think it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other.\nMonica Geller: This is Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Wow! Well done.\nMonica Geller: Wanna give me a hand?\nWill Colbert: Sure! Monica, I can't get over how great you look! You look stunning!\nMonica Geller: Well you look incredible too! You're just-you're so fit!\nChandler Bing: I'm watching the game, but I'm not deaf!\nMonica Geller: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.\nWill Colbert: Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross!\nMonica Geller: Good. And Rachel Green too.\nWill Colbert: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Is there a problem?\nWill Colbert: Nope. Uh, it's okay. It's just uh, God I hated her.\nMonica Geller: What?\nWill Colbert: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, I'm in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? No Will no!\nChandler Bing: Y'know, it's been a while since we've screamed something. Maybe we should.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!\nMonica Geller: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, you've got almost an entire turkey to eat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin' chips is like stretching.\nMonica Geller: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full.\nWill Colbert: I actually know what you're talking about. I'm here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who the hell is this guy?\nMonica Geller: Will! From high school.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey!\nMonica Geller: Joey.\nWill Colbert: Hello.\nRoss Geller: Will!\nWill Colbert: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! Hot stuff?\nWill Colbert: It's good to see you man.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?\nWill Colbert: I'm a commodities broker.\nRoss Geller: Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting.\nWill Colbert: Yeah, it's not. But I'm rich and thin.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Man I don't think I've seen you since uh, Lance Davis' graduation party.\nWill Colbert: That was such a fun night!\nRoss Geller: Yeah. It would've been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.\nWill Colbert: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nWill Colbert: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nWill Colbert: So what do you, what do you do now?\nRoss Geller: So how long are you in town?\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey sweetie. Oh good.\nWill Colbert: Rachel Green.\nRoss Geller: Aw-oh, that's right. Are-are you gonna be okay?\nWill Colbert: Oh, I'll-I'll be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her!\nRoss Geller: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.\nWill Colbert: Look At Her Standing There With Those Yams! My Two Greatest Enemies Ross Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.\nRachel Green: Oh my God Monica, who is that?\nMonica Geller: That's Will from high school!\nRachel Green: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. Oh my God, he's... Look at the way he's just staring at me. I think he's trying to mouth something to me, but I can't make it out.\nMonica Geller: Okay, dinner's ready!\nChandler Bing: Good game!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort.\nMonica Geller: Oh, so who won?\nPhoebe Buffay: Green Bay.\nChandler Bing: Detroit.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay...Mermen.\nRachel Green: Hi! Will, right?\nWill Colbert: Right.\nRachel Green: Hi! I'm Rachel Green.\nWill Colbert: Oh I-I remember you.\nRachel Green: Really?! Aren't you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis' graduation party?\nWill Colbert: You are unbelievable.\nRachel Green: Thank you!\nMonica Geller: Uh Rachel? Rachel, why don't you sit here? And Will you sit way over there.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!\nMonica Geller: This is Chandler's chicken. This is the turkey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. How-how big is that?\nMonica Geller: About nineteen pounds.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like me when I was born.\nRachel Green: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will?\nWill Colbert: Oh, you'd like that wouldn't ya?\nRachel Green: What? Oh y'know what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!\nWill Colbert: Typical.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry. What?\nWill Colbert: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land.\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously, who is this guy?\nRachel Green: Umm, I'm sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?\nWill Colbert: I don't know? Do I? Do I?\nPhoebe Buffay: I think you do.\nMonica Geller: Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.\nWill Colbert: A little mean? You made my life miserable!\nRachel Green: I'm-I'm-I had no idea. I'm sorry. I...\nWill Colbert: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams!\nMonica Geller: Oh Will. But you-you've worked so hard...\nWill Colbert: Yams!!!!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that I'm real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school...\nWill Colbert: Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club!\nRachel Green: You had a club?!\nWill Colbert: That's right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club!\nRachel Green: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?\nWill Colbert: Me and Ross.\nRoss Geller: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.\nRachel Green: So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?\nWill Colbert: Yes he was.\nRoss Geller: No. No.\nRachel Green: So who else was in this club?\nRoss Geller: Uh actually, there-there was also that exchange student from Thailand but I-I don't think he-he knew what it was.\nRachel Green: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.\nWill Colbert: You went out with her?! We had a pact!\nRoss Geller: That was in high school! It's not like it was binding forever.\nWill Colbert: Then why did it have the word eternity in it?\nRachel Green: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!\nMonica Geller: I swear I didn't. Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?\nMonica Geller: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say.\nRoss Geller: Look Rach I-I'm sorry, okay? I...I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined...\nWill Colbert: Co-founded!\nRoss Geller: ...co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didn't handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.\nWill Colbert: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.\nRachel Green: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?\nWill Colbert: Well, we did a little more than that.\nRoss Geller: No-no! No-no. No-no.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?! What else did you do?\nWill Colbert: We started a rumor.\nRachel Green: What rumor?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us!\nRachel Green: Ross!\nRoss Geller: It was no big deal. We-we...said that the rumor was...that umm...you had both...male and female reproductive parts.\nRachel Green: What?!\nWill Colbert: That's right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: You started that?!\nRachel Green: What?! You heard that?!\nMonica Geller: Everyone at our school heard it!\nChandler Bing: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?!\nRachel Green: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region!\nRoss Geller: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that one's not really our fault.\nRachel Green: Monica, how come you never told me this?!\nMonica Geller: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.\nRachel Green: Joey stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nJoey Tribbiani: You are my Everest.\nMonica Geller: Joey, you don't have to finish that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yes I do. Otherwise what's next? Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just...I just-I gotta change my pants. Jeans have no give.\nRachel Green: Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, \"Dear Rach, you're such a good person.\" Not girl! Person!\nRoss Geller: Rach, I think you're reading a little too much into it.\nRachel Green: \"Dear Rach, you're a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie.\"\nRoss Geller: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn't true?!\nRachel Green: Yes!\nWill Colbert: Could you also tell them I'm skinny now?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Me too!\nRoss Geller: Well look-look I'm not calling anybody! Okay? It was like a million years ago!\nRachel Green: I don't care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Y'know what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.\nMonica Geller: That's not totally true.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian.\nRoss Geller: How did you know that?!!!!\nMonica Geller: It's true?!!\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!\nWill Colbert: Mrs. Altman? She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman?\nRoss Geller: Hey! She didn't look 50!\nChandler Bing: Did she look 16?\nRachel Green: Ohh, there's a picture of her in the yearbook actually.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Wow!\nRoss Geller: She didn't photograph well!\nChandler Bing: Well, she probably wasn't familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings!\nPhoebe Buffay: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?\nRoss Geller: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace...\nMonica Geller: Didn't she walk with a cane?\nRoss Geller: Only when it was damp!! I can't believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Y'know what? I'm back in the club!\nWill Colbert: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: I wanna join!\nRachel Green: Wh-Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didn't go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.\nRachel Green: All right, y'know-Fine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie!\nMonica Geller: All right, listen you're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!\nRachel Green: Wow...\nMonica Geller: And Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!\nRoss Geller: As a romancer of the elderly.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.\nRoss Geller: The eyes...did still sparkle.\nMonica Geller: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-you've been through so much since then. And right now you've got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Can't you just let this go?\nRachel Green: She's right.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together.\nWill Colbert: Hold on! You got her pregnant?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nWill Colbert: Are ya getting married?\nRoss Geller: Nope.\nWill Colbert: So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude! Anybody?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. It's exactly how I'd imagined it would be.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right where's that turkey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!\nJoey Tribbiani: Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well that's it. I'm done. Whew! There come the meat sweats.\nMonica Geller: Well Joey, we're all...we're all very proud of you.\nChandler Bing: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is there anything we can do for you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No just, nobody press on my stomach.\nRachel Green: You can keep those pants by the way.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-hey-wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you want some?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. A little bigger. Little bigger. What?! Are you afraid you're gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey! So what do you think?\nChandler Bing: New haircut? Necklace? Dress? Boots? Boots!\nMonica Geller: Yes! Now, they're a little more than I normally spend on boots...or rent\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: I know.\nChandler Bing: I'm gonna miss being able to afford food.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, \"Oh, these are way too expensive for you.\"\nChandler Bing: She had a point.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing!\nMonica Geller: They're mine!\nChandler Bing: Yeah well, too bad we're gonna have to return them.\nRachel Green: Return them?! Shh! They're gonna hear you!\nMonica Geller: Honey, I'm not returning them. Okay? I mean I-I know they cost a lot, but I'm going to wear them all the time. You'll see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something so beautiful everyone wanted it?\nChandler Bing: I have you.\nMonica Geller: Nice try; I'm keeping the boots.\nRoss Geller: That's right, I love you! And-and I'm gonna play with you all the time.\nPhoebe Buffay: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?\nRachel Green: He's talking to the baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, \"I can't wait to hear your first words,\" I thought, \"There's a trick.\"\nRachel Green: Okay. Well, I gotta go you guys. I'll see you later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Bye.\nRachel Green: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey Rach, listen-Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin' to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren...\nRachel Green: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no-no-no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, she's really interested in fashion, and she wants to talk to someone successful, y'know, to give her some advice.\nRachel Green: I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no-no, she wants to talk to you!\nRachel Green: Really?! Oh my God! I'm successful!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, so will you meet with her?\nRachel Green: Yes! I'd love to! Have her come by the office.\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Thanks! You're gonna love her so much. And-Oh, she's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, y'know the S.A.T's?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: She took 'em!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Ross! Doesn't Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sting has a son that goes there too!\nRoss Geller: Yeah I know; he's in Ben's class.\nPhoebe Buffay: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!\nRoss Geller: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sting's son, seven years old and there's a picture.\nRoss Geller: What are you reading? The Kidnappers Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, it's New York magazine. It's an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?\nRoss Geller: Uh, I actually haven't even met him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, yeah that's too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out. I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two I'll take you.\nRoss Geller: Well actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe he'll be there.\nPhoebe Buffay: There you go! Oh, you are so lucky! You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow! That's why you have kids!\nMonica Geller: Hey guys!\nChandler Bing: Hey-hey.\nRachel Green: Hi Monica!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi boots.\nMonica Geller: See Chandler? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already! They're very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants...\nChandler Bing: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! They're beautiful!\nRachel Green: Ahh...\nMonica Geller: They hurt so much!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nMonica Geller: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!\nRachel Green: Well-well you can give them to me! I haven't felt my feet in years!\nMonica Geller: I can't! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I'd wear them all the time, I just can't give them away!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then get your money back and return them!\nMonica Geller: I can't do that either! The soles' are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school...\nChandler Bing: I don't think you did a very thorough job!\nRoss Geller: I dropped him off at Carol's. Anyway, it turns out that I'm not going to be able to get those tickets though.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! Why not?\nRoss Geller: Well it turns out that Ben and Sting's son do not get along.\nPhoebe Buffay: How come?!\nRoss Geller: Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are lesbinims.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! But Ross if they don't get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure you can! Give them some blocks, put them in a playpen!\nRoss Geller: Playpen?! Ben's seven!\nPhoebe Buffay: Your kid is seven?! He's really small. Please! Please get the tickets!\nRoss Geller: Look I'm sorry Pheebs, I can't do it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes you can! Sting says so himself!\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Rosssss can!\nRoss Geller: Look Phoebe, I'm sorry it's just...\nPhoebe Buffay: Rossss can!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, I...\nPhoebe Buffay: Rosss can! Give me the tickets! Ross can give me the tickets!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here she is! Future fashion superstar!\nRachel Green: Oh Joey, I'm hardly a...\nJoey Tribbiani: My little sister Dina!\nRachel Green: Right! Hi Dina!\nDina: Hi.\nRachel Green: Nice to meet you.\nDina: Thanks so much for meetin' with me. Joey's told me so much about you!\nJoey Tribbiani: This is so exciting for her. Well, I'll let you two fash...ists get down to business.\nRachel Green: Okay. All right Dina, well let's talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Let's see, there's design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, there's-there's sales, which is great because you get to travel...\nDina: I...I don't care about fashion! I'm pregnant! And I know you are too, so you gotta help me!\nRachel Green: And there's marketing...\nMonica Geller: Ahhhhhhhh!\nChandler Bing: What's wrong?\nMonica Geller: Oh nothing I'm just-just was yawning.\nChandler Bing: Oh don't forget, my office holiday party is tonight.\nMonica Geller: Honey, we don't really have to go to this thing tonight do we?\nChandler Bing: Now sweetie, I know you don't like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots. See? Every cloud has a...supple leather lining.\nMonica Geller: I-I don't-I don't think that I'm gonna wear the boots tonight.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nMonica Geller: Well y'know, I'm just-I'm just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!\nChandler Bing: Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company?\nMonica Geller: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots don't really go with it.\nChandler Bing: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!\nMonica Geller: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, I'll wear the boots. In fact, I'll go into my room right now and y'know try the outfit on.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay? Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots!\nDina: I-I can't go in there. I can't tell him!\nRachel Green: Honey, it's going to be okay. He's been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; that's what the meatball sub is for.\nDina: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! It's my fashion girls! What's wrong?\nRachel Green: Honey, why don't you sit down? Dina has something that she wants to tell you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. What's, what's going on? Is it mom? Is she sick? Is it dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?\nDina: Joe, mom and dad are fine...\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that a sandwich?!\nRachel Green: Joey...there's something that you...should know. Dina?\nDina: I'm pregnant.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nRachel Green: Now! Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well obviously this is a mistake! You can't be pregnant! Because you have to have sex to get pregnant!\nDina: Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25 like you did!\nRachel Green: What?! Dina...\nJoey Tribbiani: Bub!!! I can't believe this! You're the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?!\nDina: Bobby Corso, but he's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina...if he's funny...laugh! All right, I'll be back in a little while! You stay here!\nDina: Why? Where are you going?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't look at you right now!\nDina: Wow.\nRachel Green: I know.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, there you are Ben!\nBen Geller: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I heard you're having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boy's name is Sting's son.\nBen Geller: Jack? I hate him! He's a jerk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.\nBen Geller: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Him you're friends with.\nThe Teacher: Excuse me. Can, can I help you with something?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes! Yes you can, I'm looking for Jack's parents.\nThe Teacher: Are you with one of the students?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, I'm with Ben.\nThe Teacher: Are you one of Ben's mothers?\nPhoebe Buffay: I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.\nThe Teacher: Well hi, I'm Jenny Boone. I'm the new teacher here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nThe Teacher: I've only met your partner Carol.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.\nThe Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Let's do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?\nThe Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? 'Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, that party wasn't bad.\nMonica Geller: Yeah! I didn't know there would be dancing. That was a fun surprise!\nChandler Bing: I don't see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?\nMonica Geller: Oh no, we can't walk!\nChandler Bing: What honey, it's like fifteen blocks to the subway. Let's go.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Do you think that we can get to the subway right there if we climb down through the manhole cover?\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: I can't walk. Okay? Okay? These boots were a huge mistake!\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! They're killing me! One toe at a time!\nChandler Bing: So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. It's oddly unsettling.\nMonica Geller: How are we gonna get home? Maybe a piggy-back ride?\nChandler Bing: Hop on.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. Ah...Ooh...Oohh...Ohh...Oh God...Ohh...Oh...Ohh...Ohhhh...\nChandler Bing: Honey, I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on.\nDina: Do you ever worry that you'll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?\nRachel Green: What college was that Dina?\nDina: Oh my God! Bobby!\nBobby Corso: Hi Dina. Good to see you.\nRachel Green: Joey, what are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman...\nRachel Green: Oh Joey this is crazy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't interrupt me when I'm talkin' to God! Now where were we? Oh right, okay. Do you Dina, take this man...\nDina: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh you'll take 'em!\nDina: No I won't!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You don't get a say in this!\nDina: Yes I do!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh! I heard \"I do\", we're halfway there! Okay! You!\nRachel Green: All right Joey! That is enough! Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, it's not legal. Okay? They-they don't have a marriage license, they don't have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!\nBobby Corso: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well what am I supposed to do?\nRachel Green: You're supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.\nJoey Tribbiani: No they can't! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!\nRachel Green: Heyyyyy! Contraceptives are not always effective! Right?\nBobby Corso: Yeah...we kinda didn't use any...\nRachel Green: Oh, come on kids! A little help here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! This place is incredible! Sting's pen...that he gave to Phoebe. Come on! Secret passageway!\nTrudie Styler: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nTrudie Styler: I'm Trudie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nTrudie Styler: You must be Ben's mum.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why else would I be here?\nTrudie Styler: Do sit down.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nTrudie Styler: I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nTrudie Styler: I'm told there are two sides to this story, but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a poo-poo head.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I'm sorry. Won't-won't Jack's father be joining us?\nTrudie Styler: Oh I'm sorry, Jack's father is not available.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule? For say, Friday night perhaps at 8 o'clock?\nTrudie Styler: Oh no, I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.\nPhoebe Buffay: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in...quite a pickle. Because you see I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during.\nTrudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.\nTrudie Styler: Are you here for tickets?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you. Four would be great.\nTrudie Styler: I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who'd use their son like this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh good! Then you're in luck! Ben's not my son!\nTrudie Styler: Look, I've just pressed a button, triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here!\nPhoebe Buffay: The Police? Here? A reunion?!\nChandler Bing: Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go.\nMonica Geller: Oh wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!\nChandler Bing: Oh I'm sorry! Do you need a break?\nMonica Geller: My boots in tan! Hey! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?\nChandler Bing: I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots.\nChandler Bing: I don't have your boots.\nMonica Geller: Well I don't have them either. Where are they?\nChandler Bing: Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!\nMonica Geller: Okay. God well, we gotta go back and get them!\nChandler Bing: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm never gonna wear them again. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.\nMonica Geller: Okay. All right.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Bye boots-Wait! Half off?!\nRachel Green: Joey, just because they're not getting married doesn't mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Let's hear their plan! Now, what's the future look like for Dina and Bobby?\nBobby Corso: Well...I really have high hopes for my band.\nJoey Tribbiani: You were right. He is funny.\nRachel Green: Hey, now wait a minute! I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why don't you tell us a little bit about your band?\nBobby Corso: Well it's just me and my pal Rooster, the band's name is Numb Nuts.\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dina, if you're having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! Dude, that's not a compliment!\nDina: No Joey! I knew you wouldn't be supportive!\nJoey Tribbiani: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? You're gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself...without a husband?! You can't be a single mother alone! You're gonna ruin your life!\nRachel Green: Oh excuse me! Am I ruining my life?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No! No! It's different for you. You're so strong and together. You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing.\nDina: Excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: One pregnant woman at a time, please! I just want you to be okay.\nRachel Green: So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe! Well! Well...so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb Nuts-Oh forget it! I can't!\nDina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, I'm just gonna need some help. And Bobby's gonna be here the whole time.\nBobby Corso: You bet I am! And to answer your earlier question, we're straight-up gangster rap.\nDina: Look, Rachel's told me how much easier you've made all this on her. Why can't you do that for me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because! 'Cause... 'Cause you're my baby sister!\nDina: And you're my big brother! I mean, you're my favorite guy in the whole world. I'm not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I'd be scared of them, but all right.\nDina: Joey, I can't stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey!\nDina: We're gonna be all right. I mean, even if we're not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right! By his uncle too!\nBobby Corso: And by you.\nRachel Green: Okay Bobby, why don't we just come over here and let them have a little moment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come here!\nRachel Green: No! Seriously! What's wrong with you?!\nRoss Geller: You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I do love you! How did you do it?!\nRoss Geller: Well...let's just say... Rosss caaaaan!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oo, where are the seats?\nRoss Geller: Uh, middle balcony.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, now would you say that that's more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then that's not breaking the law! I'm there!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: \nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Look at that guy by the window, wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: He's awfully short and I think he's talking to himself. And to be completely honest, he's not that good in bed.\nRachel Green: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean it's like every guy I see-I mean look here. Look at that guy for example, I mean normally that's not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way I'm feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy.\nRachel Green: Really?! So this has happened to you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh absolutely yeah! Oh and keep in mind, now, I was carrying triplets so in, y'know, medical terms I was-I was thrice as randy.\nRachel Green: Wow! This explains so much! Last weekend, I went from store to store sitting on Santa's lap.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker.\nRachel Green: Ah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Well, y'know what? I go see my doctor tomorrow, I'll ask her about this. Maybe she can give me a pill or something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Yeah, that's what you need a good...pill.\nMona: Hey! Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nMona: Hi! Look! I got our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center.\nRoss Geller: Oh great! Hey-hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, ordinarily I would love too, but I am just swamped right now.\nRoss Geller: Hey where-where are the pictures that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together?\nMona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm missin' picture time?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know she has a face Ross!\nMona: Okay. Okay, here's a good one of us.\nRoss Geller: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card y'know, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.\nMona: Y'know, every year I say I'm gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together?\nRoss Geller: Together? Like-like to people?\nMona: Yeah, y'know. Happy holidays from Mona and Ross. It'll be cute, okay?\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nMona: Oh, I gotta get to work. So call me later?\nRoss Geller: Uh sure, sure.\nMona: Bye guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Congratulations! You just got married!\nRoss Geller: I know. Can you believe that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, I'm-I'm sorry. What's the big deal about a holiday card?\nRoss Geller: Married couples send out cards, families send out cards, people who have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards! What-what is she crazy?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey, hey that's your wife you're talking about!\nDoug: Bing! Ho! And the Bing-ette!\nChandler Bing: Honey, you remember my boss Doug right?\nMonica Geller: Yes, hi.\nDoug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know you and Carol were getting divorced, I'm sorry.\nDoug: Sorry? Finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. Hey, congratulations to you guys though!\nMonica Geller: No leg-chewing for us sir.\nDoug: Oh well, give it time. So the divorce, the marriage, we've got a lot to celebrate. How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night?\nMonica Geller: I can't think of anything we're doing. Why can't I think of anything we're doing?\nDoug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow! Just so you know, we're not seeing him tomorrow. I-I cannot spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding?\nChandler Bing: No.\nMonica Geller: That's because he wasn't invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah. Boy, urine cuts right through an ice sculpture doesn't it?\nMona: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?\nRoss Geller: Huh. Wow, this is great.\nMona: Now, do you think it should say, \"Love Ross and Mona?\"\nRoss Geller: Well, we-we haven't said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.\nMona: How many did you want? I'm getting a hundred.\nRoss Geller: A hundred?! Well, I-I guess I'll take a-Mona, uh...I-I'm not sure about the whole uh, card thing.\nMona: Really? Why not?\nRoss Geller: Sending out a holiday card, together, I mean I just don't know if we're really quite there yet.\nMona: Oh y'know, I didn't think of it that way. You're right. You're right. So, can I ask you a question?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMona: Where are we?\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nMona: Y'know, like where are we? Where is this relationship going?\nRoss Geller: Hmm...\nMona: I mean I love spending time with you, y'know I just-I hope we're moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that. Don't you think?\nRoss Geller: Let's do the card!\nMona: What?\nRoss Geller: The card! I think we're there!\nMona: Okay. I-But I think we should still have this conversation.\nRoss Geller: Really?! I mean, even with the card?\nNurse: Hi!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nNurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long can't be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Y'know who I'm talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers...\nDr. Schiff: Hi Rachel? I'm Dr. Schiff.\nRachel Green: Yes, you are.\nDr. Schiff: So, how's it going?\nRachel Green: Oh, really, really good. But enough about me, come on! Where-where are you from? What do you do?\nDr. Schiff: I'm a doctor.\nRachel Green: Right! Right! I-I actually meant in your spare time, do you cook? Do you ski? Or do you just hang out with your wife or girlfriend?\nDr. Schiff: Uh, I don't have a wife or girlfriend, but I do like to ski.\nRachel Green: Oh, I love to ski! How amazing is this?!\nDr. Schiff: So, are you experiencing any discomfort?\nRachel Green: No. I'm very comfortable.\nDr. Schiff: Any painful gas?\nRachel Green: No! Shoot, Dr. Schiff what kind of question is that?!\nDr. Schiff: Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table?\nRachel Green: Well would you like me to lie down on the table?\nDr. Schiff: I'm sorry, is there something going on here?\nRachel Green: Do you feel it too?\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey! So, how did your doctor's appointment go?\nRachel Green: Well, let's see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: Why did you do that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, remember that little problem I was having during my fourth month of pregnancy?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: You wish.\nMonica Geller: Hey, I could've had you if I wanted you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah? Come and get it.\nRachel Green: Okay, even this is turning me on!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey how's it, how's it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, yeah we're moving forward. You'll be getting our card!\nMonica Geller: You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we're not just doing a card! Y'know, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh! Women!\nRoss Geller: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, \"So, where is this going?\"\nRachel Green: Uh Ross? You asked me that.\nRoss Geller: Hey! You were a closed book! Okay? I'm not a mind reader! Besides, I hate those conversations. I'm horrible at them. Really! Maybe-maybe I need kind of a gesture. Y'know, something that says we're moving forward without having to talk about it.\nMonica Geller: Like asking her to move in with you?\nRoss Geller: Smaller than that.\nMonica Geller: Making her a mixed tape?\nRoss Geller: Uh, bigger than that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Give her a key to your apartment.\nRoss Geller: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.\nMonica Geller: All right. Have you said, \"I love you?\" You could say, I love you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah I-I don't-I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I could say I looove spending time with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, we hate that.\nMonica Geller: That is a slap in the face.\nRoss Geller: Forget it. I-I-Y'know what? I'll just have the conversation. I'll just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?\nRachel Green: I think, if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater.\nDoug: Bing! We're all set for tonight, 8 o'clock.\nChandler Bing: Oh uh, as it turns out, we can't do it. Monica has to work.\nDoug: Oh, my ex-wife didn't work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.\nChandler Bing: Oh uh well tomorrow's no good for her either.\nDoug: Oh? Why not?\nChandler Bing: It's the semi-finals...of her...botchy ball tournament.\nDoug: What's going on Bing? Does uh, your wife have a problem with me or something?\nChandler Bing: Well now-now you're just talking crazy.\nDoug: So why can't the three of us go out together?\nChandler Bing: Because uh...we-we...we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me.\nDoug: Good God Bing I...well I can't say I'm altogether surprised, I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me, pure lust.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke ya?\nDoug: Bing my boy, we're gonna get you over this. Now here's the plan, grab your coat, we're going to a strip club.\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, Monica would freak. But to hell with that bitch.\nRoss Geller: Here we go. Mona umm, I think it's time we-we had a conversation about-about where things are with us.\nMona: Yeah, I-I think I suggested that.\nRoss Geller: Aw, we-we are so... So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, y'know hanging out with you. And I mean-I'm having a lot of fun.\nMona: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I mean, there's no point in spending time with someone if-if it's just fun. It's gotta be, it's gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? Ah! That's-that's the real question. And-and the answer is...is it's going somewhere...fun. Now I-I know what you're thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago y'know, but you're-you're not getting any younger. No I mean-No not you, not you, you-you are getting younger. I mean-you-you look like you're getting younger by the second-What's your secret?\nMona: I'm sorry, so umm, so where are we?\nRoss Geller: Well, well to sum up, we're having fun, you look young.\nMona: Okay...\nRoss Geller: But that's not enough. So... So...here's a key to my apartment.\nMona: Really?!\nRoss Geller: Really.\nMona: You don't think this is too fast.\nRachel Green: You gave her a key to your apartment?!\nRoss Geller: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Ooh Ross! How'd the conversation go?\nRoss Geller: Oh great, I live on the street.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where?!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi! Okay, Monica, Rachel, this is my friend Roger.\nRoger: Hey everybody.\nMonica Geller: Hi Roger.\nPhoebe Buffay: So umm, I'm gonna get us some drinks. Would you help me out?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, he's here to have sex with you.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: You're welcome.\nRachel Green: Phoebe no!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay, he's a virgin.\nMonica Geller: Rachel umm, I was just talking to this guy and I think he'll have sex with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay let's leave these two alone.\nRachel Green: No! I do not care what my hormones are doing, I am not going to just do it with some random guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! Then you tell Roger because he was really looking forward to this!\nDoug: Oh Bing, look at those twin sisters dancing together. Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls. Huh?\nChandler Bing: Oh that's all right sir, and that's just one girl.\nDoug: Bing-What's this?!\nChandler Bing: It's a hand. It's a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.\nDoug: No, it's a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. We're gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no!\nDoug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, y'know I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.\nRoss Geller: Okay, and oh I'm gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.\nMona: Hey Ross, what's going on? You changing the lock?\nRoss Geller: No. That guy is.\nMona: I don't understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.\nLocksmith: Good luck buddy.\nMona: Umm, I-I thought we were moving forward and now you're-you're sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?\nRoss Geller: I'm trying to tell you I made you a mix tape.\nMona: What?\nRoss Geller: I love you!\nMona: Ohh! And I love spending time with you.\nChandler Bing: Hi honey I'm home.\nMonica Geller: From the tequila factory?\nChandler Bing: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldn't give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!\nMonica Geller: Come here. I can breath through my mouth.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.\nMonica Geller: I promise. Hey, speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year?\nChandler Bing: Ooh, I don't know if we're there yet.\nRachel Green: Yes. Hi, I'd like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question? Is-is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Ambercrombie & Fitch. I'll call you back.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who was that?\nRachel Green: It's just the pizza place.\nJoey Tribbiani: You hung up on the pizza place? I don't hang up on your friends.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry honey, I'm just having a, having a rough day.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, what's wrong?\nRachel Green: Oh you really, you really just don't want to hear about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then why did I ask?\nRachel Green: Okay, it's just-and this is really embarrassing-but lately with this whole pregnancy thing I'm just finding myself...how do I put this umm, erotically charged.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is that college talk for horny?\nRachel Green: Yeah. So y'know, I have all of these feelings and I don't know what to do about them, because I can't date like a normal person, which is fine because I don't need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, y'know? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what he's doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so...hard...to find. So how was your day?\nJoey Tribbiani: Good, I uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.\nRachel Green: Well, I gotta get up early and it's almost seven o'clock.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I gotta, I gotta go to my room too.\nRachel Green: Okay, good night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good night.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't do it!\nRachel Green: I didn't ask you to do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're Rachel!\nRachel Green: You're Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're my friend!\nRachel Green: Right back at ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: But plus, it would be wrong and weird and-and-and bad.\nRachel Green: And so bad. I don't even know what you're talking about because I didn't ask you to do anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you wanna do it?\nRachel Green: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, me neither! I was just testing you!\nRachel Green: That's the end of this conversation!\nJoey Tribbiani: This conversation never happened!\nRachel Green: Never happened! Good night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Good night!\nJoey Tribbiani: Get back in there!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi. Listen, I'm sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasn't right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think you'll really enjoy. Now, this is just a loan. Okay? I'm gonna, I'm gonna want him back. So... I'm gonna go now. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it and I can't!"}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Hey! I got you a present!!\nChandler Bing: Oh my goodness! Where did you hide it?\nPhoebe Buffay: I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here!\nChandler Bing: Pheebs you didn't have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang...\nMonica Geller: I love it! It's huge!! Let's open it! Open it!!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't know where to put it so I just left it here for now.\nMonica Geller: Oh well, maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom.\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay.\nMonica Geller: All right.\nChandler Bing: I kinda like it here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you really like it?\nMonica Geller: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is like-Oh my, this is like my second favorite game!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh really? What was your first?\nMonica Geller: Well I-I really don't remember the name of it.\nChandler Bing: Well what did it do?\nMonica Geller: Well, you just-you put a quarter in and y'know pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something.\nChandler Bing: A vending machine?\nMonica Geller: Don't feel bad for me! I won like every time!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here. I've been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?\nRoss Geller: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so...\nRachel Green: They made you head of the department!\nRoss Geller: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! Why didn't I get head of the department?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm...\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant?\nRachel Green: Uh, Paul's Caf. They got great food and it's really romantic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, great! Thanks!\nRachel Green: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing-Oh! Take her dancing!\nJoey Tribbiani: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I'll tell ya...\nRachel Green: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin' all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I'm not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it's so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know what?\nRachel Green: Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why don't I take you out?\nRachel Green: What?! Joey, you don't want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes I do! And we're gonna go out, we're gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out...\nRachel Green: Okay! I'll go with ya! I'll go! I'll go with ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll be fun.\nRachel Green: All right?\nPhoebe Buffay: No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm next. Don't! Don't start another game! I said I'm next! Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you over all the winning.\nMonica Geller: Chandler! Phoebe's hogging the game!\nChandler Bing: Who cares? It's a stupid game.\nMonica Geller: You only think it's stupid because you suck at it.\nChandler Bing: I don't suck. It's sucks. You suck.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause problems between the two of you, then maybe I should just keep it.\nMonica Geller: No! No-no! I love it! It is a great present! In fact, why don't you go home and wait for the thank you card?\nChandler Bing: Why do you want to play this game so bad?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! It's not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Phoebe that's it. Come on, get out-out of the chair. Get out! Oh come...Phoebe!\nRachel Green: Joey? Could you get that? What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm picking you up for our date. These are for you.\nRachel Green: Ohh, Lilies. Joey, they're my favorite. Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: And, a brownie! Well, half a brownie. Actually, it's just bag. It's been a long walk from the flower shop and I was startin' to feel faint so...\nRachel Green: Oh man! This is so great! I actually feel like I'm going on a real date! Although, I have a hint of morning sickness, and I'm wearing underwear that goes up to about...there.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so...nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman.\nRachel Green: Yeah, actually that's my roommate's.\nJoey Tribbiani: I would like to meet him. He sounds like a stand up guy.\nRachel Green: Ah yes, but he's very protective of me so you'd better watch yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah... Hey, so this roommate of yours...is he good looking?\nRachel Green: Hm-mmm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, it must be tough to keep your hands of him, huh?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's gay.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no, he's not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!\nRoss Geller: ...which brings us back, of course, to Greely's theory of dominance. Okay, that-that's all for today. Oh, uh does anyone know where the Freeman building is?\nStudent: Yeah, it's the new building on Avenue A.\nRoss Geller: What?! That-that's all the way cross town, I'm supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.\nStudent: Ooh, dude. That's not gonna happen.\nRoss Geller: Move it! Move it! Move it!! Hey!!! I'm the teacher!!\nRoss Geller: Hello. I'm sorry I'm a little late. Ah-Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. So to sum up, I'm Professor Geller. Good job today.\nRachel Green: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that?\nWaitress: There's a side of steamed vegetables.\nRachel Green: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what? Bring her both, and I'll have the same.\nRachel Green: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good date-Oh, I almost forgot. I didn't pay you the rent check.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa, no roommate stuff. Okay? We're on a date.\nRachel Green: Okay. Wow! So I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date. So do you have any moves?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No. Umm, just myself and if they don't like me for- I'm sorry I couldn't even get through that.\nRachel Green: I knew it! I knew it. Come on tell me your moves.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh alright. Umm, well, okay, I usually start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. And that works?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well it does when you combine it with, \"This is so embarrassing, I just want to have a normal life!\"\nRachel Green: Oh, you poor little famous man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh okay, how about this one. I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you, but you're so beautiful...I don't think I can.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Wow! That was fantastic, I almost leaned in. I really almost did!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, so...so tell me one of your moves.\nRachel Green: Alright. So where'd you grow up?\nJoey Tribbiani: That's your move? Boy Rach, you're lucky you're hot.\nRachel Green: Come on, just answer the question!\nJoey Tribbiani: Queens.\nRachel Green: And so were-were you close to your parents?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, with my mom. Yeah, not so much with my dad.\nRachel Green: Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. I guess there's just always been this distance y'know-I mean we both try to pretend it's not there, but it is.\nRachel Green: Oh. It's gotta be rough.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, it is. It's really tough. Y'know sometimes I think-Wow!! Nice move!\nRachel Green: Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Where'd you grow up,\" it's so simple!\nRachel Green: Thank you! And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the rest room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: And now you're watching me walk away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes I am! Again so simple!\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: You are not going to believe what I did today!\nMonica Geller: Well it clearly wasn't showering or shaving.\nChandler Bing: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. Although I-I hope they don't.\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, you stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off to work like some kind of chump?!\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five!\nMonica Geller: What is the matter with your hand?\nChandler Bing: Well I've been playing it for like eight hours, it'll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, they're dirty words.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, why would you do that?\nChandler Bing: Because it's awesome.\nMonica Geller: You think this is clever?\nChandler Bing: Well y'know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge.\nMonica Geller: Hey wait a minute, this one isn't dirty.\nChandler Bing: It is when you put it together with that one.\nMonica Geller: Ah, well if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me. But Ben's coming over here tomorrow to play this game, this can't be there.\nChandler Bing: Come on, he won't even know what they mean.\nMonica Geller: Chandler! He's seven; he's not stupid.\nChandler Bing: Have you talked to him lately?\nMonica Geller: All right, look I'm just gonna unplug it.\nChandler Bing: No-no-no, if you unplug it, I'll have nothing to show for my day! It would be like I was at work. No! Hey look at that! Look at that, it's still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM Chip in it or something!\nMonica Geller: Honey you-you got to beat your scores!\nChandler Bing: With the claw?!\nMonica Geller: All right fine. Fine, I'll do it. I've just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.\nChandler Bing: Pull my finger-My hand is messed up.\nRachel Green: I am not gonna answer that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh come on! Just pick one! Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross if you had to, if you had to, who would you punch?\nRachel Green: No one! They are my friends, I wouldn't punch any of them.\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler?\nRachel Green: Yeah, but I don't know why. Look at me, I'm having such a wonderful time!\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had!\nRachel Green: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: I never laughed so hard-Did you see the wine come out of my nose?\nRachel Green: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose.\nJoey Tribbiani: I gotta say, I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of the date so much.\nRachel Green: Well that is because you have never been on a date with me before.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. Huh.\nRachel Green: All right, now don't judge me. I normally wait until my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into this swan.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah! Okay, well then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before.\nRachel Green: So tell me, what are Joey Tribbiani's end of the night moves?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, well, if I want the girl to kiss me, first thing I do is make my lips look irresistible.\nRachel Green: How do you do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Now you can't tell anyone, but uh...I put on shiny lip balm.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, like a moth to a flame, I'm telling ya. Okay all right, so now you go.\nRachel Green: No, I don't want to tell you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nRachel Green: Because it's embarrassing.\nJoey Tribbiani: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! I didn't say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me!\nRachel Green: Okay. All right, stand up. Well, when we're at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, \"Hmmm.\" Okay, I know it doesn't sound like anything, but I swear it works.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Why-Yeah, that would work for ya...\nRachel Green: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh. Yeah. Me to.\nRachel Green: ...you were 50 minutes late to the class, what did you crawl there?!\nRoss Geller: No, I ran. It was really far, and when did people stop understanding the phrase, \"Get the hell out of my way!\"\nRachel Green: Well, why didn't you just take a cab?\nRoss Geller: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets it'll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?\nRachel Green: Well you're not gonna be able to keep doing this.\nRoss Geller: Well I have to. Okay? If I don't, they'll take the class away from me. And...I already put it in my family newsletter.\nRachel Green: You what?\nRoss Geller: You've seen it, the Geller Yeller.\nRachel Green: Right. Wow!\nRoss Geller: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, I'm sure I can make it this time. I just...I just can't be afraid to get a little bit...hit by cars.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi! Hey, remember how last night we were talking about that movie Cujo?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, I still can't believe you haven't seen Cujo. What is wrong with you?\nRachel Green: Relax! It's not like it's Citizen Kane!\nJoey Tribbiani: Have you ever tried to sit through Citizen Kane?\nRachel Green: Yeah I know it's really boring, but it's like a big deal. Anyway, I was thinking about renting Cujo sometime.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? All right, let's do it tonight.\nRachel Green: Well don't you have that big date tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh right!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, can I ask you something?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?!\nRachel Green: I don't know! I'm-I'm kinda thinking it-it was the lobster...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I mean I was up sick all night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah me too, all night.\nRachel Green: Really?! How come we didn't cross paths?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah well that's because uh...I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I got that. I'll escape over there. I'll come back over here. All right, come on Ms. Pac-Man. It's got-Right- Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you guys. Listen, I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before-Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials!\nMonica Geller: They're all Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler sucks! He couldn't have gotten this good!\nChandler Bing: I did. But it came at a price.\nMonica Geller: But Ben is coming over tonight and he can't see this.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on, by age seven kids have already seen orgies. Was it just me?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! I'm on time! Okay, why don't we all uh, open our books to page 23. Where... Where you will see...a uh...a bunch of uh...red spots. Okay, umm, why don't, why don't you all start to read, while I-\nJoey's Date: Hey. Are you all right? You seem a little distracted.\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no! I'm fine. It's just... Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for a while and then suddenly...suddenly see them a different way?\nJoey's Date: You mean like from behind?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yeah, that...that's exactly it. You're right. Yeah.\nJoey's Date: Ew, y'know what? One time I saw this guy from behind and he seemed like a totally normal guy and then he turned around and it was Stephan Baldwin!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what I'm talking about.\nJoey's Date: Totally! Wow! Would you excuse me for a sec?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, sure. Ehhh.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God Phoebe, you're on fire!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know!\nChandler Bing: One more score to go! You can do it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't touch me!!\nMonica Geller: Don't touch her!!\nChandler Bing: All right! Go left! Go left! Go right!! Go right!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't!! I can't!! Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hi Ben-No!! Don't look at the machine!\nRachel Green: Oh God! Thank God you're home! I'm watching Cujo.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alone?!\nRachel Green: Yes! But what is wrong with this dog?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, did you get to the part where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's throwin' himself at the windshield?\nRachel Green: No! No! Seriously, what's wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, it didn't work out.\nRachel Green: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, okay. Yeah.\nRachel Green: Y'know, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. What are you doing over there? Come sit here, you protect me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh sure, yeah, why not?\nRachel Green: Okay. Okay, that's him! That's him! That's Cujo! That's Cujo!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, I know! I know. Yeah, it'll be okay.\nRachel Green: Oh my God...What's he gonna do now? I can't watch! Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared?\nJoey Tribbiani: Terrified.\nRoss Geller: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. Here. Here. Now as for the hydrosaurs..."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: All right. It's a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now. It was crazy! You're fine. You're better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everything's normal! She's just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi, sweetie.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's your girlfriend, Rachel!\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nChandler Bing: Are you, are you high?\nMonica Geller: I just had the most amazing bath.\nChandler Bing: Really? I don't like baths.\nMonica Geller: Wait, you like them with me.\nChandler Bing: Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy, it's the wet, naked lady.\nMonica Geller: Oh, baths are so relaxing!\nChandler Bing: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own filth.\nMonica Geller: How dirty do you think I am? I'm telling you, if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your stress away.\nChandler Bing: Honey, it's 2:00 on a Wednesday and I'm watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to you.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, neither.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, what's up?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. It's-it's just...lately, I've been feeling... Okay, here's what it is... You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks!\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no, no you don't, just come back.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but that's different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?\nChandler Bing: Do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?\nChandler Bing: In London?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what? This is a bad idea. Forget it. Forget it, and listen, do me a favor, this conversation was between you and me.\nChandler Bing: If that.\nRachel Green: Hi! Oh, Ross, don't forget, we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow!\nRoss Geller: Right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?\nRoss Geller: No-no, we talked about it. We don't want to know. All we care about is that it's happy and healthy.\nRachel Green: Yep! Happy and healthy! And cute!\nRoss Geller: And smart!\nRachel Green: Popular.\nRoss Geller: With an aptitude for science.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! I've come up with a bunch of ideas!\nRoss Geller: Really? Me too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Me too!\nRachel Green: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh! If it's a girl, Phoebe, and if it's a boy, Phoebo!\nRoss Geller: Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach, what were you thinking?\nRachel Green: Okay! I was thinking if it's a girl, how about Sandrine? It's French.\nRoss Geller: Huh. That's a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent.\nRachel Green: Okay fine, what do you have?\nRoss Geller: Well, OK, it's for a boy. Well, I know it's a little out there, but...Darwin.\nRachel Green: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, by Sandrine.\nRoss Geller: You're just saying that 'cause I said no to your name!\nRachel Green: I'm really, really not.\nPhoebe Buffay: How-how about you each get five vetoes?\nRoss Geller: All right.\nRachel Green: All right.\nRoss Geller: That sounds fair.\nRachel Green: Yeah! I don't think you're going to need it though. Okay, check this out. If it's a girl, Rain.\nRoss Geller: Veto.\nRachel Green: Why?\nRoss Geller: Rain? Hi. Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know her! I bought homemade soap from her at a Dead show!\nRoss Geller: Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher?\nRachel Green: Ross, why do you hate our child?\nRoss Geller: Fine, you go.\nRachel Green: Okay, James.\nRoss Geller: Huh.\nRachel Green: But only if it's a girl.\nRoss Geller: Oh, veto. How about-Ooh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?\nRachel Green: Oh! I'm sorry! Are we having an 89-year-old? How about Dayton?\nRoss Geller: Veto. Stewart?\nRachel Green: Veto. Sawyer?\nRoss Geller: Veto. Helen?\nRachel Green: Veto.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it me, or is veto starting to sound really good?\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Boy, do I have a surprise for you!\nChandler Bing: Sex on the balcony?\nMonica Geller: No, but someone's really not going to get over that idea, are they?\nChandler Bing: What is it?\nMonica Geller: I drew you a bath!\nChandler Bing: Honey, I don't like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?\nMonica Geller: Please, could you just try it for me? Come on, I used all my best stuff! I-I-I lit some candles. I put on some music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath! And got you this little plastic Navy ship. So it's a boy bath!\nChandler Bing: Well, this does butch it up a bit.\nMonica Geller: I swear, if you try it, you will love it!\nChandler Bing: All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss sex on the balcony?\nMonica Geller: Absolutely.\nMonica Geller: Bet I know how that discussion's going to go.\nChandler Bing: All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because I've got my boat.\nMonica Geller: So?\nChandler Bing: Oh my God.\nMonica Geller: I told you you were a bath person! Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial!\nChandler Bing: I'm going to need a bigger boat.\nRoss Geller: I don't think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?\nRachel Green: Oh, oh my God! I can practically hear the mahjong tiles!\nDr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?\nRoss Geller: Uh, no. No, we're not.\nRachel Green: But you have it right there in that file? You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl? Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo?\nDr. Long: That's right. But if you don't want to know...\nRoss Geller: No, no, we want to wait, right?\nRachel Green: Right. Right.\nDr. Long: Oh, I'll be right back. And, uh, I know it's really not my place, but please don't name your child Phoebo.\nRachel Green: So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?\nRoss Geller: What? Rach! Come on, that's terrible! They're...uh...they're babies. They're-they're all beautiful.\nRachel Green: Third one from the left?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows I'm talking about it. Don't-don't you-Wh-Wha-Hey!!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: You're looking!\nRachel Green: I didn't!\nRoss Geller: I saw you!\nRachel Green: Okay fine, I did. But I didn't see anything, I swear.\nRoss Geller: Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!\nRachel Green: Okay, but Ross just listen to me...\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, no! Don't tell me! I don't want to know!\nRachel Green: But I couldn't even if I wanted to, because I don't know! I swear; I didn't see anything, and I don't want to know! It was just a momentary lapse.\nRoss Geller: Momentary lapse. Don't-don't you have any self-control?\nRachel Green: Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross.\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nChandler Bing: I'm in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think there's something wrong.\nMonica Geller: You know what? I-I think I'll wait out here.\nChandler Bing: I'm in the bathtub.\nMonica Geller: Oh. What's wrong?\nChandler Bing: I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The water's tepid. The salt didn't dissolve and is now... lodged places. And the scents I used don't compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomile-Oh!\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: The bath salts! They're starting to effervesce! It's different. It's interesting.\nMonica Geller: Okay, let's talk about something else.\nChandler Bing: Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh!\nMonica Geller: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and...\nChandler Bing: I had the exact same conversation.\nMonica Geller: You did? What was he talking about?\nChandler Bing: I don't know! Joey hasn't had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth!\nMonica Geller: That was a long night.\nChandler Bing: All right, let's break this down. What exactly did he say to you?\nMonica Geller: Okay, he was talking about rules.\nChandler Bing: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: Umm, and looking at people differently.\nChandler Bing: He didn't say anything about that to me.\nMonica Geller: What did he tell you?\nChandler Bing: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.\nMonica Geller: Okay. So you, me and London. Looking at people differently. Maybe he wants to do what you and I did in London with someone.\nChandler Bing: But what did he mean by rules?\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in!\nChandler Bing: Because he was looking at her differently.\nMonica Geller: And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules!\nChandler Bing: My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London!\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys?\nMonica Geller: Just a minute! That's Mrs. Tribbiani!\nChandler Bing: You don't say anything.\nMonica Geller: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?\nChandler Bing: I'm not going to let you say anything.\nMonica Geller: You just stay here!\nChandler Bing: Oh, God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you had that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nMonica Geller: I thought I lost it. I got a new one, like, a month ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, just as well, I broke this one.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: Nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: I mean, I-I, I really shouldn't say. I mean, I'm really not supposed to.\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine.\nMonica Geller: It's a humdinger!\nPhoebe Buffay: Then it's really too bad that you can't tell me.\nMonica Geller: Somebody likes you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it Chandler?\nMonica Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, then tell him to stop staring!\nMonica Geller: It's Joey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?! Joey?! You don't say.\nMonica Geller: Is it something you'd be interested in?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But y'know on the other hand... No. No, I can't. We're friends. No, oh, no. I don't want to risk what we have.\nMonica Geller: I guess that makes sense. So, you think you're going to talk to him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, yeah. I mean, it's Joey. I don't want him to get hurt. Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey!\nMonica Geller: Not Chandler, just Joey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: You know what? I've been thinking about it. I'm really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I-I can't tell you how-how much that means to me! Ohh... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You-you hated the name Ruth! Why-why would you change your mind? Unless, you know we're never going to have to use it. You did see the folder. You know it's a boy!\nRachel Green: I didn't see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name.\nRoss Geller: I don't think so! You're just giving me Ruth so you'll get to name it when it's a boy, and that's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.\nRachel Green: I would-Sequoia?\nRoss Geller: Veto.\nRachel Green: Fine.\nRoss Geller: Unless... You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, I'm not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!\nRachel Green: But Ross, you want the name Ruth!\nRoss Geller: Not like this!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Well, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Joey, I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: I knooow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whaaat?\nPhoebe Buffay: I know about your feelings.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God. You do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, and I'm sorry. I-I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica, but that's very rare.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, it's Rachel for God sakes.\nPhoebe Buffay: For God sakes, it's Rachel!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. I know. And she's not only my friend; she's my pregnant friend! She's my pregnant friend who's Ross' ex!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's Rachel. Beat me over the head with it.\nJoey Tribbiani: What am I going to do? You know, and I keep, I keep trying to get rid of these feelings, y'know? I stayed up all last night and made a list of everything I don't like about her. You want to hear it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: She made me switch to light Mayo. That's it! That's all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, I just think you're getting worked up over nothing. This is probably just a crush.\nJoey Tribbiani: You think?\nPhoebe Buffay: Absolutely! Y'know, you get this rush of feelings, but then it goes away.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, just a crush! That's all this is! It's a crush! I'm Joey; I don't get deep feelings.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know I've had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And I'm sure you've had them for us.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not really.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mm-hmm. Throw me a bone here.\nRoss Geller: So, I uh... I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.\nRachel Green: What?\nRoss Geller: That's right. The student has become the master.\nRachel Green: Ross, I swear, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on, you know it's a girl!\nRachel Green: A what?!\nRoss Geller: You really didn't know?\nRachel Green: We're having a girl?\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: That's what you just said!\nRoss Geller: No.\nRachel Green: You said girl!\nRoss Geller: Yes. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.\nRachel Green: I'm not! We're having a girl! Sometimes I can't believe it's with you-But still! We're having a girl!\nRoss Geller: I know! I know. You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table!\nRachel Green: Oh, yes! We'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth...\nRoss Geller: Permission to veto.\nRachel Green: Yes, please.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Do I smell essential oils?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm going to take a bath. I'm just going to get a magazine.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: What do you think you're doing?\nChandler Bing: L-leaving my troubles behind?\nMonica Geller: I know that you're new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.\nChandler Bing: Oh, it's so hard to care when you're this relaxed.\nMonica Geller: Fine, you can have the bath, but I am taking your boat. Now you're just a girl in a tub!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi, Bubbles. Manly. Well, I just thought I would drop by and let you know how it went with Joey.\nChandler Bing: You told her?!\nMonica Geller: She pulled it out of me! She's like a conversational wizard! How'd it go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you were wrong, he doesn't like me!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors' house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didn't like you? How would you feel?\nMonica Geller: I don't think I'd care.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? Lee Majors is hot!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nPhoebe Buffay: We're in the bathroom!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nChandler Bing: Because it's a relaxing and enjoyable time!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you guys doing in here?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! A friend he's looking at differently, but it's wrong. It's Rachel!\nChandler Bing: You like Rachel?!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's no big deal, okay? Phoebe and I talked about it. It's just a crush! It's going to go away! Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles! Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mazel tov.\nRachel Green: Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? Oh, my!\nMonica Geller: Honey, cover it up with the boat!\nRoss Geller: Hello?\nChandler Bing: Yes we're all in here and we would love for you to join us!\nRoss Geller: Well hey! What's going on? Ooh, cool boat-Oh, no. Hey, did you, did you tell them?\nRachel Green: No, I was waiting for you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Tell us what?\nRachel Green: We're having a girl.\nEveryone: Oh, wow! Yay! Wow! Hooray! Oh, man!\nChandler Bing: I'll...I'll get you later!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. It's a new day, and it's just a crush, that's all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, \"it was cuckoo!\" Everything's going to be fine. It's just a crush.\nRachel Green: Hi, sweetie.\nJoey Tribbiani: I love you.\nMonica Geller: It sure is nice to do this together, isn't it?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. And what you're doing feels so good.\nMonica Geller: I'm not touching you.\nChandler Bing: You're not?\nMonica Geller: It's the salts.\nChandler Bing: Oh, sweet Lord. New realms of pleasure!\nMonica Geller: Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I left my guitar here again.\nMonica Geller: Oh, okay. No problem.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMonica Geller: Here you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Umm...\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: So do you want to hang out or something?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh are you and Chandler...\nMonica Geller: Yes! Exactly.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Hey Pheebs, what's up?\nPhoebe Buffay: You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! You're getting a massage! You never let me massage you!!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, I can explain!\nPhoebe Buffay: You told me you hate massages!\nChandler Bing: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning...Don't let Phoebe in.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe this! How long as this been going on?\nMonica Geller: Well umm, Alexandra has been...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it has a name?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, don't get upset!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay-Oop! Too late! I'm leaving! Come on Chandler let's go!\nChandler Bing: Well, Phoebe I thought I'd-Yeah, what the hell.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, we're almost there! We're almost there!\nRachel Green: Oh Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us that we're having this baby together. I love you so much.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I love you too.\nRachel Green: And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this but, you're the best sex I ever had.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's always appropriate! Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!\nDoctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations!\nRoss Geller: I hope you're a better father than you're a friend!!\nRachel Green: Joey! Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What? What's going on?\nRachel Green: Come feel this! Come feel my belly!\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaaah...\nRachel Green: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?!\nRachel Green: Yes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know what? Maybe uh, you...you should come to me. I'm a not, I'm not wearing any bottoms.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my, oh my God!\nRachel Green: Aw, it's unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, she's like umm...oh...who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mia Hamm?\nRachel Green: Mia Hamm!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's amazing.\nRachel Green: Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry!\nChandler Bing: Hey babe.\nMonica Geller: Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they don't like us do they?\nChandler Bing: Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back?\nMonica Geller: No, it doesn't say where it came from. Where would we return it?\nChandler Bing: How about to the street say from the balcony?\nMonica Geller: Why don't we just find a place for it?\nChandler Bing: Okay. How about in that cabinet?\nMonica Geller: No! That's where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?\nChandler Bing: How about the closet by the bathroom?\nMonica Geller: Oh, okay. Here, why don't you let me do it?\nChandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. It's locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?\nMonica Geller: No reason. I-I keep private things in there.\nChandler Bing: Oh y'know, I've been living here a while and I've never seen what's inside that closet. What is, what is in there?\nMonica Geller: Feminine stuff.\nChandler Bing: Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you'll let it go.\nChandler Bing: Fine.\nMonica Geller: Thank you!\nChandler Bing: Love you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? You!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. If! I said, \"If it helps!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Why won't you let me massage you?\nMonica Geller: Well it's...I mean I'd just-I'd be self-conscious. You're my friend; I'd be naked.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica! We lived together for years! I've seen you naked!\nMonica Geller: That's different, we were roommates! And when?!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm curious about the human body.\nMonica Geller: Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me.\nPhoebe Buffay: But I'm a professional! And I'm really good! Look, if you're uncomfortable we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay. Please?\nMonica Geller: Okay, if it means that much to you...\nPhoebe Buffay: It does! How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons.\nMonica Geller: Dinosaurs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Potato, potaato.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross! The baby's kicking!\nRoss Geller: What?! It is?!\nRachel Green: It's not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do that again.\nRoss Geller: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?\nRachel Green: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joey's room and he was sleeping...\nJoey Tribbiani: A dreamless sleep.\nRoss Geller: My God, the baby's kicking. That's great. Although I...kinda wish I-I would've been there to feel the kicking for the first time y'know.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I got stuff going on in here if you wanna feel.\nRoss Geller: Look, I-I don't want to miss anymore baby stuff. So...Here. Here's my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! I'll be there! Okay? I don't care if it's three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! Can I get a copy of that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you under the sheet?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great, let's begin. How's the pressure?\nMonica Geller: Nice! Wow Phoebe you are good!\nPhoebe Buffay: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And it's not weird is it.\nMonica Geller: No. Ooohh...\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right, you just enjoy.\nMonica Geller: Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Oh God Phoebe!! Oh that's it! That's it! Right there! Oh! Ooooh-oooh-ooooh...\nChandler Bing: I wasn't trying to open your closet! I wasn't trying to open your closet! I swear!\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nChandler Bing: I don't know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard.\nChandler Bing: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!\nChandler Bing: And here we go...\nJoey Tribbiani: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y'know it wouldn't kill ya to respect your wife's privacy! Stupid closet full of bugs!\nRachel Green: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't-Whoa!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey whoa-whoa, don't worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Absolutely. But, we're gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? I'll page Ross on the way. Come on.\nRachel Green: Okay. Oh God-Ow!-Oo!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everything's gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. Oww crushing bones!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! So?\nDr. Long: She's fine. She's experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall.\nRachel Green: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?\nJoey Tribbiani: So but everything is normal.\nDr. Long: Absolutely.\nJoey Tribbiani: And-and there's no danger to her and the baby?\nDr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are, but she's fine.\nRachel Green: Thank you doctor. Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.\nJoey Tribbiani: Calm?! I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in all my life!\nRachel Green: But wait you said everything was gonna be okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well what do I know?! I'm not a doctor!\nRachel Green: But I-But everything is okay. I'm fine!\nJoey Tribbiani: You sure?!\nRachel Green: Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus though. Mild discomfort, what's he talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey-hey!\nRoss Geller: Is everything okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah, everything's fine!\nRoss Geller: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.\nRachel Green: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, what's with the candy?\nRoss Geller: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.\nRachel Green: Oh you went to the movies by yourself?\nRoss Geller: No I-Mona!\nRachel Green: Oh, I gotta go back in there.\nRoss Geller: What? Why? What's wrong?\nRachel Green: No, everything's fine. I just gotta go back...\nRoss Geller: No really, you tell me what's up.\nRachel Green: I-I forgot my underwear.\nRoss Geller: So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, don't worry about it man. Don't worry about it, no big deal.\nRoss Geller: Yeah but still, I mean it should've been me. I'm the dad.\nDr. Long: Uh, if you have any questions, here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. You're gonna make a wonderful father.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! He brought Twizlers!\nChandler Bing: There has got to be a way!\nJoey Tribbiani: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Oh no wait, I'm not an nine-year-old girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then why do you throw like one?\nChandler Bing: Maybe Monica has a bobby pin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure. \"Monica.\"\nChandler Bing: So, how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. Wow, you sure found that quick. I just-I wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore, y'know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think...I think Ross feels left out. Y'know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God... You should've seen the look on Ross's face. By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here. For all I know I'm just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?\nChandler Bing: That's a good idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Okay. So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I just...I feel terrible.\nChandler Bing: Well, it's not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y'know? You're doing nothing wrong. Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. Richard? If-if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nMonica Geller: I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, I got that.\nMonica Geller: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay but you should know though, I've raised my rates to $200 an hour.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean $500.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: 600.\nMonica Geller: What's going on?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged!\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.\nMonica Geller: What?! You're crazy! There's nothing sexual about the noises I make!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? There's nothing sexual about this? Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. What are you looking at?! I mean hi.\nMonica Geller: Oh my-This is so embarrassing. Oh my God, I'm never gonna get massaged again!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!\nMonica Geller: Really?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well not clients, lovers. But let's just y'know, try it again. Come back and-and we'll work through it.\nMonica Geller: Are you sure?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nMonica Geller: I guess.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Okay, if you'll just excuse me. So, did you hear something you liked?\nRachel Green: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!\nRoss Geller: Hey uh, I brought you some lunch.\nRachel Green: Ohh! That's so sweet of you! Oh yum! Did you put pickles on this?\nRoss Geller: Well yeah!\nRachel Green: Oh Ross!!\nRoss Geller: What?! What?! Rach what?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nRoss Geller: I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.\nRoss Geller: I-I'm sorry Rach, I didn't know. Are you gonna be okay?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'll be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm on it!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this! I shouldn't be the one making her throw up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I don't know any of it and I'm the father. I wish I'd be more involved y'know.\nRachel Green: Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation.\nRachel Green: Are you breaking up with us?\nJoey Tribbiani: The thing is...'cause I live with Rachel I'm here for a lot of the stuff, okay? And Ross...Ross is missing everything. So...\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you two should live together.\nRachel Green: Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that...if you're gonna have a roommate, y'know it might as well be the father.\nRachel Green: But Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean-Or he does.\nRoss Geller: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.\nRachel Green: But Ross, its you and me!\nRoss Geller: So? Sure! But it-it wouldn't be anything romantic. And I'm-I'm dating Mona-Damnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right now, so? What do you think?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Is it crazy?\nRoss Geller: No! No it's not. Joey, this is a smart idea.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I was due.\nRachel Green: Okay, let's do it. I'll move in.\nRoss Geller: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh Rach that's great. That's great.\nChandler Bing: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself...using my wife's tools. Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: How did you get in there?!\nChandler Bing: You're messy.\nMonica Geller: Oh no! You weren't supposed to see this!\nChandler Bing: I married Fred Sanford!\nMonica Geller: No Chandler, you don't understand! Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm y'know...I'm sick.\nChandler Bing: No, honey you're not sick! Look, I don't love you because you're organized, I love you in spite of that.\nMonica Geller: Really? You promise you won't tell anyone?\nChandler Bing: Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet.\nMonica Geller: Well...it's just umm...I'm afraid you might mess it up.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nChandler Bing: So Rachel's all moved out huh? How are you taking it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it's a couple weeks past it's expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.\nChandler Bing: Are you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me? I'm great! Yeah, I'm uh; I'm better than great. I am good. And now that she's gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn't do before. Y'know? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Y'know? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Y'know? I like being on my own, I'm uh, better off this way. I'm uh, a lone wolf. Y'know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. What's a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?!\nMonica Geller: Ohhh.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's it. Just relax.\nMonica Geller: Ohh. Oh! Ohh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on more!\nMonica Geller: Oh God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you like that don't you?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah right there!\nPhoebe Buffay: You want it there? You take it there baby!\nMonica Geller: Uh Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, say my name. Say it! And now I'm going to cover you back up, and umm we're never doing this again."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Hey, Rach!\nRachel Green: Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine's Day!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you, too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'?\nRachel Green: It's good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: There's one lucky to-go cup of coffee.\nPhoebe Buffay: Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. But maybe later.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone?\nGunther: You want anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that's never going to happen!\nGunther: We have red bagels.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents, but she'll be cool. I mean, she's been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, 'Fossils are my friends.'\nPhoebe Buffay: Ugh. Come on, Mona, don't kiss ass.\nRoss Geller: Uh, I'm going to take off.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!\nRoss Geller: What is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?\nRoss Geller: All right. 'Candy and Cookie?'\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Candy's the mother, Cookie's the daughter. The father's also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, c'mere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Monica, grow up!\nRoss Geller: Hey, what's behind your back?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.\nRoss Geller: You don't want my opinion?\nMonica Geller: Not really.\nRoss Geller: Come on, I'm your older brother, ask me!\nMonica Geller: All right, big brother. Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her?\nRoss Geller: The red one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. Look, I know you've been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again.\nPhoebe Buffay: He-hee!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.\nPhoebe Buffay: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks so much, Pheebs! We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! Oh! Not that kind of fun.\nChandler Bing: Happy Valentine's!\nMonica Geller: Okay! I'll be right out. I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable, and a little more slutty.\nChandler Bing: 'Candy and Cookie'. 'Candy and Cookie?' Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!!\nMan On Tv: Yeah, just relax.\nChandler Bing: I love you, St. Valentine.\nChandler Bing: Woah, woah, that's not pretty!\nMan On Tv: Now, push!\nWoman On Tv: Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!\nChandler Bing: Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever!\nWoman On Tv: Ohhh! Make it stop!\nChandler Bing: I am trying!\nJoey Tribbiani: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did I just throw this?\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nRachel Green: I accidentally packed these with my stuff. Who is this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that's, uh, that's Phoebe's friend's dog. I don't know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I've got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously can't stop it.\nJoey Tribbiani: C'mere. Hey. C'mere. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with you-we love her. But we can't have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? You're a guy. Well, you used to be.\nMonica Geller: So what do you think?\nMonica Geller: I've still got it!\nChandler Bing: Why did you get me this?\nMonica Geller: What is it?\nChandler Bing: It's yelling...bleeding...dilating. Oh, the dilating...\nMonica Geller: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why were you even watching it?\nChandler Bing: I thought...maybe...you got me porn for Valentine's Day.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentine's Day... you were right! Apparently, it's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood right now.\nMonica Geller: Honey, what's going on?\nChandler Bing: Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws?\nMonica Geller: Mm-hmm.\nChandler Bing: How long it took to go back in the water?\nMonica Geller: Chandler, we can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day!\nChandler Bing: You don't know. You didn't see it.\nMonica Geller: Child-birth, it's a natural thing! It's beautiful.\nChandler Bing: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful?\nMonica Geller: Oh! Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!\nChandler Bing: See, honey, there's-\nMonica Geller: Don't touch me!\nMona: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey! So, how was Atlantic City?\nMona: Good.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nMona: I brought you back a present.\nRoss Geller: Wha-? Oh, come on. You didn't have to-saltwater taffy?! Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but it's actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. That's not interesting.\nMona: I think it's interesting.\nRoss Geller: I do too! I missed you!\nMona: I missed you, too! So, how was your week?\nRoss Geller: Oh, it was good! It was good. Actually, the baby started kicking!\nMona: How exciting!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! I know! It was. Oh... the only sad thing is I wasn't around when it happened for the first time.\nMona: Oh no.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.\nMona: Yeah right!\nRoss Geller: What?\nMona: Joey cracks me up! It's like, 'Yeah, why don't you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldn't be awkward at all!'\nRoss Geller: Huh...uh-huh.\nMona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant!\nMona: So, what'd you tell him?\nRoss Geller: Just a second!\nPhoebe Buffay: How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, she seemed to think it was such a crazy idea! Um, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Taffy, really? I've never had any.\nRoss Geller: Ever?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. Thank you! So what, you're just never going to tell her?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: she's a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going to-what the mother of crap is up with this stuff? Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What's the deal? Oh, it's nice! May I try a pink one?\nJoey Tribbiani: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn't going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog? You're subdued. Did you give him a beer?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Oh, me, right!\nPhoebe Buffay: He's miserable! What happened to him?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing. We just talked about stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: What stuff?\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh...Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!\nJoey Tribbiani: He's breathing!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm going to take him back to Wendy's.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no! He's fine! Look, look, look! Here's your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog!\nRoss Geller: Well, I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What have you got going tonight?\nRachel Green: Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans! I've got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!\nRoss Geller: Y'know, it's interesting! Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact-\nRachel Green: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.\nRachel Green: Ooh! My Chinese food! Let me get my cash!\nRoss Geller: Mona? What are-hi! What are you doing here? I'm, um, supposed to pick you up!\nMona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentine's dinner! Surprise!\nRoss Geller: Ayyyayyyy!\nRachel Green: Oh, hey, Mona!\nMona: Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! What's she doing here?\nRoss Geller: I have no idea!\nRachel Green: I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me.\nMona: Seriously, what is she doing?\nRoss Geller: Uh...lately, she just likes hanging out here.\nMona: Why?\nRoss Geller: I think she's lonely.\nMona: Okay, but it's Valentine's Day!\nRoss Geller: I know.\nMona: Can't we just ask her to go?\nRoss Geller: No, no. She's way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy.\nRachel Green: I'm not here! That's just my Chinese food!\nMona: Oh, my God! She has food delivered here?\nRoss Geller: Mm-hmm. She's-she's emotional, but, but ballsy.\nRachel Green: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed!\nRoss Geller: And you thought she was going to be in our way! So, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I'll be right back. I've got a surprise for you.\nMona: You got another ex-wife back there?\nRoss Geller: Please start drinking!\nRachel Green: I'm just going to grab the phone.\nMona: Oh, Rachel! Wait! Hey, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, but, um... what are you doing?\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry! Do you need the phone?\nMona: No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we gotta have some boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place and give us some privacy?\nRachel Green: But, but, Mona, I live here.\nRoss Geller: Happy Valentine's Day! ...Or something to remember me by.\nMonica Geller: How long has it been this time?\nChandler Bing: 90 seconds.\nMonica Geller: That's better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it...except all I did was think about it.\nChandler Bing: You know, it haunts me? Up 'til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!\nMonica Geller: Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why don't we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?\nChandler Bing: I can do that.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Now all we've got to do is get rid of this chair.\nMonica Geller: Oh, thank God!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I know!\nMonica Geller: Come in!\nRachel Green: Hi! I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine's, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.\nMonica Geller: Oh, my God.\nChandler Bing: Poor Ross.\nChandler Bing: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!\nMonica Geller: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here.\nChandler Bing: Oh, And We Should Warn You, Before You Watch It don't watch it.\nRachel Green: Why? You saw it? Is it scary?\nChandler Bing: Well, let's just say it's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.\nRachel Green: Well, now, wait. Now I'm all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.\nMonica Geller: No, but I will leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you!\nRachel Green: C'mon, seriously, you guys, you're not going to make me watch this alone!\nMonica Geller: She's right...of course not. Honey, get the tape.\nChandler Bing: This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. Okay, here we go.\nRachel Green: Okay. Ooh, my! Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?!\nChandler Bing: Why have I seen this thing three times?!\nMonica Geller: It's...still beautiful.\nRachel Green: Uh! It's horrible!\nMonica Geller: I know! I know, I'm so sorry for you!\nRachel Green: Oh, my God!\nChandler Bing: Wait, you guys, look!\nRachel Green: What? Did her ass explode?!\nChandler Bing: No, the baby's out! Look, look!\nMonica Geller: Oh, look at those little fingers and toes!\nChandler Bing: And look how happy the mom is now!\nMonica Geller: Oh...Rach!\nRachel Green: Oh, screw you guys, you don't have to do it!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, man!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what's up?\nRoss Geller: Uh...Mona just dumped me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why?\nRoss Geller: Well, with everything that's been going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentine's Day.\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? What's going on, huh? Girl trouble?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sort of.\nRoss Geller: Really?!\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't have to seem so happy about it.\nRoss Geller: Oh, sorry. Well, look, maybe I can help you with it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I...I d-\nRoss Geller: Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Y'know, actually once-once I got dumped during sex.\nRoss Geller: Anyway, so, uh, so what is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Forget about it. It's no big deal.\nRoss Geller: C'mon! Joey! What is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's nothing.\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, uh...sit down. Um... there's this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh...it can't happen.\nRoss Geller: She's not a Tribbiani?\nJoey Tribbiani: No!\nRoss Geller: I knew it. So, is she someone from work?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Well, uh, does she like you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn't matter, because I can't do anything about it.\nRoss Geller: Why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because we're really good friends.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he still in love with her?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. I don't think so.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Um... is he a good guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he's the best.\nRoss Geller: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.\nJoey Tribbiani: I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I-\nRoss Geller: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.\nGunther: Here's your warm milk.\nRoss Geller: I'm going to...uh...I'm going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah.\nRoss Geller: Anyway... seriously, uh...just...just talk to the guy, okay? And tell me how it goes.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Rachel.\nRachel Green: You're going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, you're going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it!\nWoman On Tv: I came to the big city to become a star! I'll do...anything to make that happen!\nMan On Tv: Anything?\nRachel Green: Hmm...maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: There's this woman, that I like. A lot. Well, it's complicated. She's with this other guy. For a long time. And I could never do that to the guy, y'know? 'Ccause we're really good friends.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh... is he a good guy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he's the best.\nRoss Geller: Then talk to him! He might be fine with it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't know.\nRoss Geller: Joey, it's worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.\nJoey Tribbiani: I do! So much! I can't stop thinking about her! I can't sleep, I-\nRoss Geller: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Did you um-I'm sorry, did you just say it's Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nRoss Geller: Um, you...you like Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes. I like Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Rachel?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, okay but look, buy uh-Hey-hey, y'know, y'know who else I like? You! And it-it doesn't get said enough. I like you Ross.\nRoss Geller: But R-R-Rachel-Rachel?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it's not a big deal.\nRoss Geller: It's not a big deal? Oh, I'm sorry I just...um, I...what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I like-you-you can't stop thinking about her. Like how you can't sleep?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm an actor, y'know? As-as a group, we tend to be over dramatic.\nRoss Geller: Rachel who's carrying my baby? Rachel?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look no, I-I know it's bad, and I know it's wrong. Okay? But-but it's not like anything's ever gonna happen. Y'know? These-these are just feelings, they're gonna go away.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I-I gotta go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh come on Ross! Hey Ross-Ross don't...\nRoss Geller: I just-y'know-I-I just have one-Rachel?!\nGunther: Rachel?!!\nRachel Green: Oh-oh! Okay, she's kicking!\nChandler Bing: Oh! She's growing inside you.\nRachel Green: Whoa!!\nChandler Bing: Oh!\nRachel Green: Wow that was a big one.\nChandler Bing: I think that's the youngest girl ever to reject me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey you guys!\nChandler Bing: Oh hey!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates?\nRachel Green: Oh yes I do. I do. I believe that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. And do you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That's why I stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He'll find me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, and you?\nChandler Bing: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I don't think they exist.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, good.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well last night, I met Monica's.\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.\nChandler Bing: Come on, don't be crazy. You don't think there's someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya?\nRachel Green: Well, what's he like?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well he's tall.\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: He has brown hair.\nRachel Green: Of course, of course.\nChandler Bing: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!\nPhoebe Buffay: He works with food!\nRachel Green: Oh sure. Older?\nPhoebe Buffay: Obviously, and he's British.\nRachel Green: Oh, I was just gonna ask!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? And, he's-he's so centered and mature and confident.\nRachel Green: Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet.\nChandler Bing: Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm so sorry. Um, and maybe I'm wrong! I but-y'know I'm gonna go out with him again, I'll find out more.\nChandler Bing: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and you're still gonna date him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, he may not be my soul mate, but a girl's gotta eat.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nMonica Geller: I just talked to Joey, I just-I want to see how you were.\nRoss Geller: Oh y'know, I still-I can't believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean it's... It's like you and me going out, only weirder!\nMonica Geller: All right, I know you're hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but don't say that again.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! What if, what if they get married? Then he'd be the stepfather of my child.\nMonica Geller: Honey, I don't think that's something we need to worry about! First of all he's-he's never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how she'd react.\nRoss Geller: Sure, because women never like Joey. Y'know, I think he's a virgin.\nMonica Geller: Joey...he's not even thinking about going after Rachel!\nRoss Geller: He's not?\nMonica Geller: No! All he's thinking about is how you're taking this! I mean, listen it's totally freaking him out. He's talking about moving to Vermont.\nRoss Geller: Why?\nMonica Geller: He says he wants to leave the country. He thinks you hate him.\nRoss Geller: Hate him? I... No, I don't hate him. It's just it's Rachel, y'know?\nMonica Geller: Honey I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. But, I don't want you to lose Joey over it. And right now he just needs to know that you're still his friend.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay, I'll talk to him.\nMonica Geller: All right. Now do it soon, he just asked me how to convert his dollars into Vermont money.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Chandler, Monica, this is Don.\nDon: Oh, hello. Hello.\nPhoebe Buffay: Soul mate.\nChandler Bing: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Soul mate.\nMonica Geller: So, what have you guys been doing?\nDon: Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at Reattica. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?\nMonica Geller: I know! What is this, 1985?!\nDon: That's exactly what I said. Phoebe, isn't that strange.\nMonica Geller: Not really.\nChandler Bing: What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? On a barbecue chicken pizza? No?\nMonica Geller: So Don, what-what other restaurants do you like?\nDon: Well, Octavio, 27&7-Oh! And there's this great little place, Alessandro's.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! That's my restaurant, I'm the chef there.\nDon: You're kidding me!\nMonica Geller: No!\nDon: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'd like a latte. Oh y'know what? If you're gonna talk about me, I'm gonna go with you.\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing! I swear to God I didn't know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didn't believe in soul mates. So...\nChandler Bing: I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife!\nPhoebe Buffay: They're just talking, and y'know what? Just because I think they're soul mates doesn't mean anything's gonna happen.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, good work.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! Oh he's great, I love him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't worry, we'll find you someone else.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I understand if you came by to hit me, I deserve it.\nRoss Geller: No, I don't want to hit you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh what then? Kick me?\nRoss Geller: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bite me?\nRoss Geller: No, no I don't want to do anything to you. All right? I just want to tell you that I'm not mad at you and...and that I certainly do not hate you. I just, I just came here to say that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh now-Hey Ross-Ross! Do you wanna-wanna come in for a beer or something?\nRoss Geller: Uh...yeah sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I don't...\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey look Ross, you need to understand something okay? I uh...I am never gonna act on this Rachel thing, okay? I-I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Anyway, it uh...look it'll just...take me a while to get over her, that's all. I'm not even sure how to do that, I mean I've never been in love before so...\nRoss Geller: What?! You're in love with her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I thought you knew that.\nRoss Geller: Umm, no.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow. Hey look, if it helps, I don't want to feel this way. Honest. I just keep thinking, \"Ah, I'll get over this.\" Y'know? I just-It just keeps gettin' harder. I don't, I don't know what to do. Y'know? What do I do?\nRoss Geller: I think you need to tell her how you feel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay that's the green stuff talkin'.\nRoss Geller: No, I'm serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if she's not where you are, then you can start to move past this.\nJoey Tribbiani: But what if uh-and I'm not saying she will be-But...\nRoss Geller: If she is where you are then uh...then my feeling weird about it shouldn't stand in the way.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you sure?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Look if-if she's gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldn't find a better guy. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey thanks.\nRoss Geller: So when do you think you're gonna talk to her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God I have to tell her! I haven't even thought about what I will say. What should I say?\nRoss Geller: I'm understanding, but let's not get carried away.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry, you're right. What am I gonna say? Oh!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, tell me about it.\nDon: ...so I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing and focusing more on the cheese side of things.\nChandler Bing: Cheese you say? That's some pretty smelly work, huh Don?\nDon: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: Cheese, it's smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.\nDon: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I'm one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.\nMonica Geller: Me too! Yeah, Chandler can't stand it. He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.\nDon: And you're still married to him?\nMonica Geller: You know what I'd love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese-Not even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries... And pate. Oh, I'm really not high, it's just I used to be fat.\nDon: Well if you where ever enter the Loire valley let me know, I've got a great little villa you can stay at.\nChandler Bing: Is it made of cheese?\nDon: No. But God, a house made of cheese, wouldn't that be incredible?!\nMonica Geller: I'd move in tomorrow!\nChandler Bing: Oh come on! Are you listening to this?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so sorry.\nChandler Bing: What do we do?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. Take a couple deep breaths. Look confident.\nRachel Green: Joey? What's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: I uh, I just came by because I-I want to talk to you about something.\nRachel Green: Okay what's up?\nJoey Tribbiani: Here? In the hall? What are we animals?\nRachel Green: Well honey, I'm late for a meeting. So can you just make it quick?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I...want to have dinner with you tonight. That's all.\nRachel Green: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. That's good. Okay, that give you a couple hours to prepare what you're gonna say. Good. Yeah. Don't you people ever knock?!\nMonica Geller: I'd like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldn't that be nice?\nChandler Bing: Sure, why don't you set it up. I'll just be over here, browsing through the personals.\nMonica Geller: Are you okay? You've been acting weird all afternoon.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, fine. Fine. Not perfect!! But good enough.\nMonica Geller: Jeez! What is with you?\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, did you say cheese?\nMonica Geller: All right, what's going on?\nChandler Bing: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I don't believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I won't stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you don't believe in soul mates?\nChandler Bing: No. But I'm sure 'tomatoes' does.\nMonica Geller: I don't believe in soul mates either.\nChandler Bing: You don't?\nMonica Geller: No. I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.\nChandler Bing: So you...you don't want to live with Don in a cheese house?\nMonica Geller: No, I've had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?\nChandler Bing: I love you.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what? I am going to take you out to dinner tonight. I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalepino poppers. No? Really? They taste so good.\nRachel Green: ...and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean I'm really worried the baby's not going to like him. Are you okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason...-Is it hot in here?\nRachel Green: No. Not-not for me, but why don't you take off your sweater?\nJoey Tribbiani: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Sure.\nRachel Green: Huh. Wow, I wouldn't think Hobbs would like that so much.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh... How long have we known each other?\nRachel Green: Um, seven...e-e-eight, eight years. Wow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh, long time.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: But over the past few weeks...\nWaiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight...\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually uh, could you give us a second?\nWaiter: Sure. Sure. Second's up! Not...that kind of table.\nRachel Green: So you were saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not quite sure.\nRachel Green: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, \"Eight years.\" And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm...now here we are.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, here we are. Uhh... I... I think I'm...falling in love with you.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm falling in love with you.\nRachel Green: Who are you talking too? Oh, you're kidding! Oh, it's a joke! It's funny. It's funny. I don't get it. Oh. Okay. Umm... I-I...uh, wow. Are you uh... How did umm... When?\nJoey Tribbiani: Does it really matter?\nRachel Green: Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You don't have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. Okay, you gotta say something!\nRachel Green: Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I...\nJoey Tribbiani: But.\nRachel Green: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah right. That's okay. That's fine. That's uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, it's no big deal. All right? I think I'm gonna go.\nRachel Green: No! Joey please! Please don't! Please don't leave like this! Now come on, you cannot do this to a pregnant woman!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't start doing that. You can't do that Rach, 'cause then you're gonna make me do that. Oh, here we go!\nRachel Green: Can I?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure!\nRachel Green: Oh Joey honey I don't...I don't want to lose...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey, hey! You can't. Okay? Ever!\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no Rach, please, don't be sorry. Okay? Don't be sorry. Y'know I was only kidding you.\nRachel Green: Yeah, that was a real good one.\nWaiter No. 2: Is this your table?\nWaiter: Yeah.\nWaiter No. 2: God, you're gonna be here all night!\nWaiter: I know! I haven't even read them the specials yet!\nWaiter No. 2: What's the matter with them?\nWaiter: I don't know. I think maybe one of them is dying. I kinda hope it's the girl. The guy is really cute!"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Joey? Are you in there?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh God! That's Rachel!\nMonica Geller: Joey, you have to talk to her!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no, I can't! I can't! Not after the other night, it's just it's...too weird, okay? Don't tell her I'm here! Don't eat that!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey Rachel!\nRachel Green: Is Joey here?\nChandler Bing: I don't see him. Do you see him?\nMonica Geller: I don't see him. Hey! Maybe he's in the sugar bowl! Joey? Nope!\nRachel Green: Well, at least you make each other laugh.\nMonica Geller: What's up?\nRachel Green: Well, I haven't seen him since that night that he told me how he y'know... I don't know, I think he's avoiding me. Why is that bagel on the floor?\nMonica Geller: We were playing a game.\nRachel Green: Ew, was Chandler naked? Sort of like a, like a ring toss kind of situation?\nMonica Geller: Sure.\nChandler Bing: What?! No! No!\nRachel Green: All right. Well listen, if you see Joey will you just tell him uh...tell him I miss him.\nMonica Geller: Okay, did you hear that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, a naked bagel game? Dude, I don't know. That's a pretty small hole.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you gotta talk to her.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't! Y'know? You guys don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.\nChandler Bing: I don't know what that's like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, \"I love you,\" was, \"Oh crap!\"\nMonica Geller: Hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp! Boy, kids are mean when they're hungry.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right so, so what do I do?\nMonica Geller: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know it's weird, it's awkward, but you gotta at least try.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Okay. Whoa! I almost forgot this was on your...\nChandler Bing: We didn't play it!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so when you're done with your tea I'll look at your leaves and tell you your fortune.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know you read tea leaves.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, I've done it for years. I actually stopped because I was so accurate. Y'know, and-and y'know, one of the great joys of life is it's-it's wondrous unpredictability. Y'know? And also tea tends to give me the trots.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'm done. Read mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Ooh, I see a ladder. Which can mean either a promotion or a violent death.\nMonica Geller: I-I'm the head chef. I-I can't get promoted.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm, who's next?\nRachel Green: Okay, I'm done. Do mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Umm, oh! Okay, I see a circle.\nRachel Green: Ah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Which can either mean you're having a baby or you're gonna make a scientific discovery!\nRachel Green: Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.\nChandler Bing: What does yours say Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm... Wow, all right. Wow! Yay! Ooh, I'm gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And he's gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night.\nRoss Geller: Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? It's a button down, like a, like a faded salmon?\nMonica Geller: You mean your pink shirt?\nRoss Geller: Faded salmon color.\nMonica Geller: No, I-I haven't seen your pink shirt.\nRoss Geller: Great! Great. Then I must've left it at Mona's. I knew it!\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm sure you get another one at Ann Taylor's.\nRoss Geller: That's my favorite shirt! Okay? I love that shirt!\nRachel Green: Well just ask Mona to give it back!\nRoss Geller: I don't know. I mean I-I guess I could. It's just that we didn't really end things such good terms. And if I go over there I'd be ignoring the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wait a second you guys...for the last couple weeks I've been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe he's the tea guy.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Tea gives Phoebe the trots.\nRachel Green: So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it's not even like we know how to be with each other anymore.\nChandler Bing: I know it's tough now, but things will get better.\nRachel Green: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other?!\nChandler Bing: I'm not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?\nMonica Geller: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?\nChandler Bing: Let's just say if I can't find the right CD case I just put it in the nearest one.\nMonica Geller: Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD?\nChandler Bing: In the James Taylor case.\nMonica Geller: Where is the James Taylor CD?\nChandler Bing: Honey, I'm gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case.\nMonica Geller: Okay. No need to panic. Deep breathes everyone. Okay umm uh, we're just gonna have to spend some time and put the CDs in the right cases.\nChandler Bing: Well, if we're gonna do that we should come up with some kind of order. Y'know alphabetically or by genre?\nMonica Geller: Hmm, I don't know. We really have to talk this through.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!! You guys have such problems!! I feel so terrible for you!\nMonica Geller: Okay, I-I'm sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. That makes sense.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, like I don't know, maybe you have a work problem that you need his advice on.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I can do that.\nMonica Geller: Good. Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?\nChandler Bing: They were just giving those away at the store in exchange for money.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Uh I really don't know what to tell you Rach, I really don't. I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Yeah Joey she's...Rachel's got this really big work problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! Y'know what, if we're gonna make dinner we're gonna have to leave. Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you uh, have a...big work problem?\nRachel Green: Yeah it's umm... Yeah it's uh... It-it's y'know-It's nothing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. Okay. So uh, I think I'm gonna take off.\nRachel Green: Yeah-No wait! Joey no wait it is. It's something. It's-it's umm...it's my boss.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yeah, and umm my baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nRachel Green: My boss wants to buy my baby!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Oh my-oh my God!\nRachel Green: I know I told you, it's a really big problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: What he wants to buy your baby?!\nRachel Green: Can you believe that?!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's crazy!\nRachel Green: That's what I told him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, how did this even happen?\nRachel Green: Well I'll tell ya! See uh my-my boss and his wife-They-they can't have children. So umm, and that-we were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, \"Rachel, I want to buy your baby.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave.\nRachel Green: Ohh! Yeah! Yeah that-that would've been a much simpler problem.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hello.\nGuy: Oh, it's you. I see you everywhere. I'm Jim, Jim Nelson.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh Jim, Jim Nelson I'm Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay. We certainly have been seeing a lot of each other lately.\nJim: We have. Maybe we'll be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night, say around 8 o'clock?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe we will. Oh!\nRoss Geller: Mona? Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be?\nMona: I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your shirt.\nMona's Date: Oh, it's okay.\nMona: No, it's still wet. Y'know what? Let me get it out before it sets. Ooh, I have something you can wear. Here.\nMona's Date: Oh umm, I-I don't know if I want to wear a woman's shirt.\nMona: No-no that's a man's shirt.\nMona's Date: It's awfully pink.\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies of the Annie soundtrack.\nMonica Geller: Honey, both yours.\nRachel Green: Hey! Great advice on that Joey thing!\nMonica Geller: Yeah? The work problem?\nRachel Green: Oh it was perfect! I mean it really felt like he was my friend again.\nChandler Bing: What problem did you tell him you had?\nRachel Green: Oh that's not important. The point is, I really-I think everything's gonna be okay.\nMr. Zelner: May I help you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you think you can just buy my friends baby?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't it funny how we kept running into each other? It's as if someone really wants us to be together.\nJim: Someone does. Me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, witty banter. Well done.\nJim: So, tell me a little bit about yourself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay, well I'm a masseuse, and I used to work at this place...\nJim: Do you like to party?\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I-I like, I like parties.\nJim: You're wild, aren't ya?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I guess, a little.\nJim: It ain't no thing, I'm wild too.\nPhoebe Buffay: So! Umm, anyway I-I lived in New York, someone wildly I guess, for umm-Well since I was fourteen.\nJim: I'm sorry. I'm staring. It's just that you have the most beautiful eyes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh stop it.\nJim: And your breasts! Hmm!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Umm look, you're coming on a little strong. But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why don't we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.\nJim: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nJim: I write erotic novels, for children.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nJim: They're wildly unpopular.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nJim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! You do?\nJim: Yeah, a Pretty Huge...\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nChandler Bing: The sun'll come out...tomorrow! Bet...your bottom dollar that tomorrow... ...there'll be sun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guy's not going to be bothering you about that baby thing anymore.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's just say I took care of it.\nRachel Green: Whoa-whoa-whoa, let's say more!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't worry! Don't worry. I just told him, very nicely, \"You don't go buying people's babies, so back off!!\"\nRachel Green: What?!\nRachel Green: No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesn't want to buy my baby! I made that up!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Why?!\nRachel Green: So that we would have something to talk about! So it wouldn't be awkward!\nJoey Tribbiani: And you couldn't think of anything else?!\nMonica Geller: You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!\nRachel Green: I can't believe that you yelled at my boss! I'm-I'm gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?!\nChandler Bing: You can always sell your baby.\nRachel Green: Oh Joey, I can't believe you brought my boss into this! I'm gonna get fired!\nJoey Tribbiani: You lied to me!\nRachel Green: Well, she told me too!\nMonica Geller: Chandler has two copies of Annie!\nMona: Oh my God! Ross!!!\nRoss Geller: Hello!!\nMona: Ross, what are you doing?!\nRoss Geller: Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.\nRachel Green: Morning. You wanted to see me?\nMr. Zelner: Please, come in. Have a seat.\nRachel Green: Okay look Mr. Zelner...\nMr. Zelner: Oh I think it's best that I speak first.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.\nRachel Green: Oh God.\nMr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby...I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.\nRachel Green: Well, as long as we are clear about that.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh there it is.\nMonica Geller: That's not your regular dry cleaners.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store...\nMonica Geller: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and that's what they gave me? When I get up there I'm going to kick some ass.\nMonica Geller: Don't worry Phoebe, you're gonna meet someone. If I can meet a great guy, so can you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, we both can. And we both will.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you didn't have to come in with me.\nMonica Geller: Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like Disneyland for me. I'm-I'm gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nGuy: Oh, excuse me! I think you dropped s... Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nGuy: I'm sorry, it's just that you're so incredibly beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah well, I'm sorry about that too, but what are you going to do?\nGuy: I hope you don't think I'm crazy but I feel like I was meant to pick this up, do you believe in that kind of thing?\nPhoebe Buffay: A little. Now you're talking.\nGuy: Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?\nPhoebe Buffay: I-I-I'd love to. Let me just tell my friend.\nMonica Geller: Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?\nPhoebe Buffay: She must've left.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: So? What-what-what happened?\nRachel Green: It's all gonna be okay. They're just so happy that I'm not suing them that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I understand that the money should not construed as a down payment on this or any other child I should bear.\nChandler Bing: Wow, Ralph Lauren is really going out of there way to show they're not in the baby buying business.\nRachel Green: Chandler, can you give us a minute?\nChandler Bing: Oh I'm sorry, you're kicking me out of my own living room?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: I'll be in there.\nRachel Green: Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. I know.\nRachel Green: It kinda worked. I mean y'know, I don't know about you buy I haven't thought about our thing since all this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.\nRachel Green: Yeah I know! I miss that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too. I mean I...haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.\nRachel Green: My gynecologist tried to kill me.\nRoss Geller: Item J437-A, color: winterberry. Hi umm, listen come here, come in. I'm so-so sorry about yesterday. I-I'm really sorry. It's just that I...\nMona: Listen Ross, you don't have to apologize. I understand why you were there.\nRoss Geller: You do?\nMona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we can't. It's too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just... It just wasn't meant to be.\nRoss Geller: Oh God you're right.\nMona: Ross, we...we have to be strong. Okay, I-I'm gonna go. Can I? To remember you?\nRoss Geller: No."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parent's anniversary party?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Sure. Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, who's the guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.\nChandler Bing: Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? Who said that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, he's really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.\nMonica Geller: Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?\nRoss Geller: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'd really like to.\nRoss Geller: Okay, hopefully this time mom won't boo you.\nMonica Geller: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it's always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year I'm going to make them cry.\nChandler Bing: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?\nMonica Geller: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, \"God, your brother.\" Know what they'll say this year? \"God, you\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. I'm an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue.\nMonica Geller: Really you can do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me? Watch! Well I can't do it with you guys watching me!\nChandler Bing: What are you doing?\nMonica Geller: Oh I'm working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out.\nChandler Bing: It's a dog.\nMonica Geller: It's a dead dog. That's Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.\nChandler Bing: It's your parents' anniversary and you're going to talk about their dead pet?\nMonica Geller: The good stuff, huh?\nRachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: You got a present for my parents. That's so sweet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them.\nRoss Geller: Aww that is so cool.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.\nRachel Green: Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt, and I think my testacles may be in here too.\nRoss Geller: Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! Y'know Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.\nMonica Geller: What?!\nRoss Geller: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nEveryone: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is...\nParker: No, no, no wait! Don't tell me. Let me guess. Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, I'm sorry Phoebe didn't mention you. Chandler, I'm kidding all ready you're my favorite!\nChandler Bing: Ha!\nParker: Why don't all of you tell me a little about your self?\nRoss Geller: Ah, actually, I'm sorry we-we probably should get going.\nParker: Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, oh how you glow. May I?\nRachel Green: I, uh, think you already are.\nParker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous than-Oh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?\nMonica Geller: That's my old dog. He passed away years ago.\nParker: Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend, bow-wow. So where's the party?\nMonica Geller: It's out on the island. It's in Massapequa.\nParker: Maaaassapequa, Sounds Like A Magical Place. Tell Me About Massapequa, Is It Steep In Native American History?\nRoss Geller: Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tee-pee.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I got my note cards. Do you got the presents?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: And I've got the car keys.\nParker: We're driving!?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nParker: Aces!\nRoss Geller: So uh, he seems like a nice guy.\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah I like him a lot.\nRoss Geller: Ya wanna hang back and take our own cab?\nRachel Green: Yeah, otherwise I'm not going.\nRoss Geller: Hi! Hey mom.\nRachel Green: This is such a great party! 35 years. Very impressive, do you guys have any pearls of wisdom?\nJudy Geller: Jack?\nJack Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick?\nRoss Geller: That's a good question, dad. That's a good question...\nRachel Green: Hmmm...\nWoman: Congratulations you two!\nRachel Green: Thank you...we're so excited!\nWoman: And also, congratulations on your wedding.\nRoss Geller: Wha-What?\nJudy Geller: Can we talk to you for just a y'know... It's just a little thing. Well we think it's absolutely marvelous that you're having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why we've told them all that you're married.\nJudy Geller: Thanks for going along with this.\nRoss Geller: Dad so what we have to pretend that we're married?\nJack Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.\nRoss Geller: Can you believe that?\nRachel Green: Yeah, if you're going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.\nRoss Geller: No, us having to lie about being married.\nRachel Green: No, I know I don't either, but ya know what, it's their party, and it's just one night. And we don't even have to lie; we just won't say anything. If it comes up again, we'll just...smile. We'll nod along.\nWoman: Ross!\nMan: Rachel!\nRoss Geller: Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan.\nAunt Lisa: Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding!\nUncle Dan: Here's a little something to get you started.\nRachel Green: Oh...\nAunt Lisa: So, how's married life treating you?\nRachel Green: Unbelievable!\nRoss Geller: We love marriage!\nAunt Lisa: Great!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nParker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C...I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I don't want to forget this moment! It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click!\nChandler Bing: I don't think the flash went off.\nParker: Dahaaa! I'm going to find the men's room, be right back.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll go with you\nParker: Come on!\nChandler Bing: Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man.\nJoey Tribbiani: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I don't want him complimenting my thing.\nRoss Geller: I'm so we weren't in the car! Did he ever let up?\nMonica Geller: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.\nRoss Geller: This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! Ooh sorry...\nPhoebe Buffay: Were you guys making fun of Parker?\nRoss Geller: That depends, how much did you hear?\nPhoebe Buffay: So, he a little enthusiastic, what's wrong with that?\nMonica Geller: It's just that, it's so much.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people you've dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends don't do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? 'Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the who's who of human crap.\nMonica Geller: I feel terrible.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nRoss Geller: What was wrong with Mona?\nRachel Green: Open it! Open it! Open it!\nRoss Geller: Yeah baby!\nMan: So we never got to hear about your wedding!\nWoman: We were surprise that we weren't invited.\nRoss Geller: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.\nRachel Green: But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular.\nMan: Where did you have it?\nRachel Green: On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang Isn't She Lovely as I walked down the aisle.\nWoman: Really?\nRachel Green: Yeah, Stevie's an old family friend.\nWoman: Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures.\nRachel Green: So would I. You wouldn't think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera.\nRoss Geller: Would you excuse us for a second? Umm... what are you doing?\nRachel Green: What? I'm not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.\nRachel Green: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.\nParker: Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm with you.\nParker: And I'm with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. What an inspired solution to man's plate dispensing problems.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hm huh, yeah.\nParker: Ah! Oysters! Let me feed you one.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, that's not necessary.\nParker: Please.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, actually I don't eat...\nParker: I won't quit until you try.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, fine! Fine! Mmm...hmmmmm...\nParker: What are they like? I've never had one.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you just try one?\nParker: No, they look too weird.\nChandler Bing: What are you doin'?\nMonica Geller: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit 'em. I can't wait. They're going to be crying so hard. They're going to be fighting for breath.\nChandler Bing: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could .\nRachel Green: And my veil was lace, made by blind, Belgium nuns.\nWoman: Blind?\nRachel Green: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.\nAunt Lisa: I'll bet you looked beautiful...\nRachel Green: Well, I don't know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel.\nWoman: So, how did you propose?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. That's a great story.\nRoss Geller: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. That's-that's where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower...\nAunt Lisa: Oh that is so sweet!\nRachel Green: Shhh! I want to hear the rest!\nRoss Geller: Then, Fred Astaire singing The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words \"Will you marry me?\"\nRachel Green: And the ring, was the size of my fist !\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parker's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then you better do it now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I'm going to kill him\nJoey Tribbiani: What-what?\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys were right. He's just too excited about...everything. I mean I'm all for living life, but this is the Geller's 35th anniversary. Okay? Let's call a spade a spade this party stinks.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know I'm having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess it could've been, I didn't really look at it. Y'know, I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell out of there.\nPhoebe Buffay: He's just such a great guy I'm so excited about him.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey, you should be excited about him. There's nothing wrong with him he's a good guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: You think?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Ya know what I think; I think we were all just being too negative.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're right. You're right, he's just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! I'm a sunny, positive person.\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's that now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh look it's Parker!\nParker: Look! It's the bunny hop!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh I love it!\nParker: You do?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on!\nMonica Geller: Okay it's time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it.\nMonica Geller: No, no it's going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough, but I love you. When I look around this room, I'm-I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she can't because she's dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. . Was. Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember she's dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. You people are made of stone! Here's to mom and dad! Whatever!\nJudy Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasn't it interesting, Jack?\nJack Geller: Why don't I remember this dog?\nJudy Geller: Ross, why don't you give us your toast now?\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, Mom, it's just Monica this year.\nJudy Geller: You're not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary?\nRoss Geller: No, of course, Um... Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say...on behalf of my new bride, Rachel , and myself. Umm, that if...if in 35 years, we're half as happy as you guys are, we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.\nJudy Geller: Oh Ross...\nJack Geller: I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross's toast.\nParker: My God what a fantastically well lit hallway!\nPhoebe Buffay: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium?\nParker: I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh thank God.\nParker: It's a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why don't we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly!\nParker: That sounds great. My God this is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on in my entire life.\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's try something else, let's play a game.\nParker: I love games!\nPhoebe Buffay: Shocking! Let's play the game of who can stay quiet the longest.\nParker: Or...Jenga.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, let's play this one first. And remember whoever talks first loses!\nParker: I lose, now Jenga.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Oh my God!\nParker: Is something wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isn't perfect? Everything isn't magical? Everything isn't a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!\nParker: Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam!\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have to put a good spin on everything.\nParker: I'm sorry that's who I am. I'm a positive person.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid!\nParker: So what do you want me to do, you want me to be more negative, less happy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Much less happy!\nParker: Fine! Well then to quote Ross, \"I'd better be going.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: So long! Don't let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out!\nParker: Isn't this the most incredible fight you've ever had in your entire life?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh.\nRoss Geller: ...and then, we could've gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!\nRachel Green: Ross, it just wouldn't have been feasible.\nRoss Geller: But having a dove place the ring on your finger would've been no problem?\nRachel Green: It was really fun being married to you tonight.\nRoss Geller: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks I've ever made.\nRachel Green: Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: That proposal, at the planetarium...\nRoss Geller: I know, I know it was stupid.\nRachel Green: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was...really wonderful! Did you just make that up?\nRoss Geller: No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It's how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me.\nRachel Green: Well, that would've been very hard to say no too.\nRoss Geller: It's a good thing I didn't do it, because it sounds like it would've been a very expensive wedding. Okay, good night.\nRachel Green: Goodnight.\nRoss Geller: Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldn't get messed up?\nRachel Green: I will think about it.\nRoss Geller: That's all I'm askin'.\nMonica Geller: Okay that's it. I give up. At mom and dad's 40th anniversary, you're the one giving the speech.\nRoss Geller: Y'know I don't understand why they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech.\nMonica Geller: Oh, come on.\nRoss Geller: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really would've wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.\nMonica Geller: Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: So, I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle, and guess who the clue is for three down.\nJoey Tribbiani: Three down, Days Of Our Lives star blank Tribbiani. That's me!! I'm blank!!\nMonica Geller: How cool is this?! We know three down! I'm touching three down!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah you are baby.\nMonica Geller: Three down knows I'm married, what's three down doin'?\nRachel Green: So did they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. They really like me over there. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.\nRoss Geller: Why'd you say no?\nJoey Tribbiani: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.\nChandler Bing: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on Joey! You will totally keep it in check this time, and plus y'know the publicity would be really good for your career! And you deserve that! And if you do the interview you can mention, oh I don't know, gal pal Rachel Green?\nChandler Bing: Is that gal pal spelled L-O-S-E-R?\nRachel Green: Okay, don't listen to him. Please?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine! All right, I'll do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I y'know, start to say something stupid.\nRoss Geller: Just then or-or all the time, 'cause we-we have jobs y'know.\nRachel Green: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. Ha-ha! I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. Seriously, proud of you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nThe Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.\nMonica Geller: You think we're being obvious?\nChandler Bing: No, we're just four people with neck problems. You talk like this.\nThe Interviewer: Y'know I think its great you wanted to meet here. Y'know when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying for it. Wouldn't have mattered, I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food.\nGunther: Can I get you anything?\nThe Interviewer: Umm, I'll have a cup of coffee.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I'll have all the muffins.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Shhh! We're not talking.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Finally! Oh.\nThe Interviewer: So, according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything you're particularly proud of?\nJoey Tribbiani: All you want is a dingle/What you envy's a schwang/A thing through which you can tinkle/Or play with, or simply let hang...\nHost: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you said it Mike. Aw! There's got to be a better way!\nMike: And there is Kevin.\nMike: This is the first time he's ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead. This works with any milk carton.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, it is easy. Now, I can have milk everyday.\nLauren: So this is it? Victor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess it is. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne... baby...I'm gonna want to meet her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do...so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, you know that's bad for the paper tray.\nChandler Bing: Nice work my friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Wait-wait-wait-wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, there are so many things, it's hard to pick just one.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, I'd actually love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.\nRoss Geller: Uh, double latte, extra foam.\nChandler Bing: And a bagel with only...\nPhoebe Buffay: I was just being polite!\nThe Interviewer: Okay, how about when you're not working. What do you do in your spare time?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?\nRachel Green: That is the Coast Guard.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are they doing out here? The coast's all the way over there.\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude! What are yo-you trying to kill me?!\nChandler Bing: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?\nRoss Geller: Come on, it's fun!\nChandler Bing: All right! Isn't this a woman's hat?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, we have to turn off the porn.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think you're right.\nChandler Bing: All right, ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: One.\nChandler Bing: Two.\nBoth: Three.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's kinda nice.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that's kinda a relief.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: You wanna see if we still have it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: FREE PORN!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!!\nChandler Bing: We have free porn here!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for the kids. Y'know a mento, a role model.\nThe Interviewer: A mento...\nJoey Tribbiani: Right.\nThe Interviewer: Like the candy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Matter of fact, I do.\nThe Interviewer: Well umm, another thing our readers always want to know is how our soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, we stars just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?\nRoss Geller: Are you serious?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.\nRoss Geller: Wow! We are pretty good at this!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! Yeah, my pants are a little loose!\nChandler Bing: What's wrong with you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious.\nChandler Bing: This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you-Go to the doctor!\nJoey Tribbiani: No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s!\nRachel Green: It's a trifle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauted with peas and onions, then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!\nRoss Geller: It tastes like feet!\nJoey Tribbiani: I like it.\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.\nJoey Tribbiani: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes-Hey, what was in that brown jar?\nChandler Bing: That's still in there?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Not anymore.\nRachel Green: Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!\nChandler Bing: Stick to your side!\nRachel Green: Hey, come on now!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, what are we havin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhh, I don't believe in these crazy diets y'know, just everything in moderation.\nGunther: Your muffins.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll take those to go. For the kids.\nThe Interviewer: Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?\nJoey Tribbiani: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldn't have said. But believe me, that's not gonna happen today.\nThe Interviewer: Understood. So, what'd you say back then?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I said that I...\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys, this is Shelley, she's interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends...\nRachel Green: Hi! I'm gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, I'm the one you come too. This might be Joey's baby , who knows? I'm just kidding-Seriously, gal pal Rachel Green.\nRoss Geller: Who just lost the respect of her unborn child.\nThe Interviewer: Umm, I'm gonna just go get this warmed up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Joey! You're doing great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, so far nothing stupid.\nChandler Bing: Mento?\nJoey Tribbiani: No thanks.\nThe Interviewer: So, as Joey's friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?\nRoss Geller: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.\nRachel Green: Yeah, that's gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I...I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, I...I just think you don't expect someone so hot to be so sweet.\nThe Interviewer: Oh! I like that. What's your name?\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, Phoebe Buffay.\nThe Interviewer: How do you spell that? So we can get it right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay, it's P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in 'Ello there mate!\nThe Interviewer: Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you too.\nRachel Green: You too!\nChandler Bing: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nThe Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?\nJoey Tribbiani: How come you have two?\nChandler Bing: Well this one's for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Get out.\nChandler Bing: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, it's about you and me and the fact that we're best buds.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.\nChandler Bing: That's what they'll call us.\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey! Sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: No that's all right. Don't worry about it.\nRachel Green: Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's!\nRachel Green: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Look!\nRachel Green: I've never lived like this before.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food.\nRoss Geller: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and damnit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off!\nPhoebe Buffay: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!\nJoey Tribbiani: Judge rules, no violation.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh.\nJoey Tribbiani: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!\nPhoebe Buffay: No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!\nJoey Tribbiani: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh, tough call.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!\nMonica Geller: You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends.\nThe Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? Me? Wow! I don't even know any huge gay people!\nChandler Bing: It hurts me. It physically hurts me.\nThe Interviewer: Now, off the record, you're not...\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!\nRoss Geller: Your make-up!\nRoss Geller: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so we're face to face or-or should I climb down your back so we're-we're butt to face.\nJoey Tribbiani: I think face to face.\nRoss Geller: I would say that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Face to face, yeah!\nRoss Geller: Okay, here I go.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my... How much do you weigh Ross?!\nRoss Geller: I prefer not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, when we talked about face to face, I don't think we thought it all the way through.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Check it out. How much of a man am I?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Nice! Manly and also kind of a slut.\nChandler Bing: You're turning into a woman.\nJoey Tribbiani: No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.\nChandler Bing: Now I've upset you? What did I say?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not what you said. It's the way you said it... Oh My God, I'm a woman!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great nap.\nRoss Geller: It really was.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are.\nThe Interviewer: So, let's talk about women. I'm sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, \"Hey, how you doin'?\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, please!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how you doin'?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! How you doin'?\nWoman: He has the most amazing Porsche under there!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. She's sleeping. Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink?\nWoman: Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister.\nRachel Green: Oh my God, Jill!\nJill Green: Oh my God, Rachel!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God, introduce us!\nRachel Green: This is Chandler.\nJill Green: Hi!\nRachel Green: And you know Monica and Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi Jill.\nRachel Green: And that's Phoebe , and that's Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, how you doin'?\nRachel Green: Don't!!\nJanine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.\nJanine: I don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I do. How you doin?\nJanine: I'm okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!?! Oh dear God!\nJoey Tribbiani: Not much to tell there I'm really shy.\nThe Interviewer: So, that's it. I guess that's all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh great! Great! Thank you.\nThe Interviewer: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye-bye. I did it!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nRoss Geller: Amazing! Amazing!\nThe Interviewer: Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, what's your favorite soap opera?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't watch soap operas. Excuse me, I have a life, y'know?\nThe Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, good to know. So close!\nRachel Green: Wow! I can't believe they didn't put it in the part where you said you didn't watch soap operas.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.\nMonica Geller: You slept with her didn't you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Little bit, yeah.\nRoss Geller: Wow! This picture of you sure is steamy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, that's just a little something for my huge gay fan base.\nRoss Geller: Did you just wink at me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you're the one that loves the picture."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: So what's the final head count on my baby shower?\nPhoebe Buffay: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.\nMonica Geller: Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it.\nRachel Green: What?! You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and there's no booze?! That's shocking! I don't care, as long as my mom's here.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, your mother!\nRachel Green: What?! My mom's not gonna be here?!\nMonica Geller: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.\nRachel Green: My God!\nMonica Geller: Well it wasn't my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I don't, I don't have a mother so often I forget that other people...\nMonica Geller: Oh give it a rest!\nRachel Green: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!\nPhoebe Buffay: No. Neither is mine.\nMonica Geller: Okay, y'know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll take care of it. We'll call her. Just go home and get ready.\nRachel Green: Please, make sure she comes. It's really important to me, I mean it's my mom!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. I know, what's her number?\nRachel Green: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: Go! I have it in my book. Go! Wait a minute! If you're in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her-Hello Mrs. Green! Hi, it's Monica Geller.\nSandra Green: Oh, hello Monica.\nMonica Geller: Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.\nSandra Green: I know, my daughter's told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm so sorry.\nSandra Green: For what dear? For not inviting me or lying about it?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, my ass is sweating! Please! Please! Can you come? It's today at four.\nSandra Green: Well all right. I'll see you at four.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Isn't it at three?\nMonica Geller: Son of a bitch!\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, I can't go. I'm practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.\nRoss Geller: Oh cool!\nChandler Bing: That's great.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day I'll Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I'll be Joey Trrrribbiani!\nChandler Bing: You'll be perfect for this! That's already your name!\nJoey Tribbiani: But the audition's in a couple hours and I don't even understand the game.\nRoss Geller: Well do you want some help?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh really? That'd be great! You guys can be the contestants!\nRoss Geller: Awesome!\nChandler Bing: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Let's play Bamboozled!\nChandler Bing: Bamboozled?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, isn't that a cool name?\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nChandler Bing: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why don't you tell us a little something about you Ross?\nRoss Geller: Well uh, I-I'm a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! And uh...\nJoey Tribbiani: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Well Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin!\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent! Let's play Bamboozled! Chandler, you'll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?\nChandler Bing: Bogota.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.\nChandler Bing: What does a Wicked Wango card do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I should know that. Let's see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.\nChandler Bing: Higher or lower than what?\nJoey Tribbiani: This is embarrassing.\nChandler Bing: Can you believe how lame this is?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. That's good right?\nMonica Geller: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!\nPhoebe Buffay: What? He's gonna be dressed as a baby! Oh hi Mrs. Green!\nMonica Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so glad you could make it.\nMonica Geller: Yes, thank you so much. And again, we're so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.\nSandra Green: Try. There's my little girl.\nMonica Geller: She's still mad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I know. Isn't it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too. It-it doesn't bother you?\nPhoebe Buffay: No look, we've apologized twice! I can't do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.\nMonica Geller: Okay. I can do that. I gotta go powder my ass.\nSandra Green: Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school! If I didn't know better I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble. Come on, let's get some tea.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nSandra Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I don't want you to use your housekeeper 'cause it would just split her focus.\nRachel Green: Oh well actually gonna use a nanny and uh, I don't even have a housekeeper.\nSandra Green: It's like you're a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don't know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.\nRachel Green: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca.\nSandra Green: Such a sweet woman.\nRachel Green: Well, however great she was I just can't afford that.\nSandra Green: Oh Rachel!\nRachel Green: What?\nSandra Green: I just had the greatest idea! I'm gonna come live with you!\nRachel Green: Wh-wh-what? What?\nSandra Green: Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Aw, look at you. You have tears in your eyes.\nRachel Green: Yes. Yes I do.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right Ross you're in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?\nRoss Geller: The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, I'll take another question.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.\nRoss Geller: It's okay, I'm ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you're ready to answer the question.\nChandler Bing: This is ridiculous, he's not gonna hold his breath...\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris...Holy cow, that's a big word. Trisc... Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?\nChandler Bing: Let me see that.\nJoey Tribbiani: This one right here.\nChandler Bing: Triscadecaphobia.\nRoss Geller: The fear of Triscuts!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, fear of the number 13.\nChandler Bing: Fear of Triscuts?\nRoss Geller: It's possible, they have really sharp edges.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right Chandler, you're up.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, I-I believe I'm entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?\nChandler Bing: This game makes no sense!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? You're just upset because you're losing.\nChandler Bing: Oh come on Ross, I think we're all losers here.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.\nChandler Bing: Let me think. Let me think-Oh! I don't care.\nJoey Tribbiani: You-you must choose Mr. Bing.\nChandler Bing: Either, it makes no difference.\nJoey Tribbiani: Choose, you jackass!\nChandler Bing: I'll take a card.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross's points!\nRoss Geller: What?!\nChandler Bing: This game is kinda fun.\nRoss Geller: You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points just 'cause you...\nChandler Bing: I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.\nRachel Green: Why did you invite my mother?!\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: For how long?\nRachel Green: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.\nMonica Geller: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: She can't hear you.\nRachel Green: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if you don't want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.\nRachel Green: You're right. You're right. I mean I'm about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I don't want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! She's gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!\nMonica Geller: That's right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you don't want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: This is great! Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel! Y'know what? And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.\nPhoebe Buffay: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! It's time to open the presents!\nMonica Geller: Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world!\nSandra Green: Well uh, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyone's attention.\nPhoebe Buffay: How about you less important people, let's open your presents!\nRachel Green: Mom that's okay that you didn't get you a gift!\nSandra Green: Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.\nSandra Green: Sweetheart I know you're gonna be terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.\nRachel Green: But mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this.\nSandra Green: Really? Remember Twinkles?\nRachel Green: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, come on Rach it's present time! Y'know you're the glue that's holding this whole party together. It's kinda falling apart here.\nSandra Green: Oh look.\nRachel Green: Wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, this is from your friend at work.\nRachel Green: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! Wait a minute. That can't be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?\nSandra Green: Darling, that's a breast pump!\nRachel Green: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! What's this?\nWoman: It's a diaper genie.\nRachel Green: Oh, it dispenses clean diapers!\nWoman: No! It's where you put the dirty ones!\nRachel Green: Well that's gross, why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?\nSandra Green: Oh you're gonna do that ten times a day?\nRachel Green: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!\nSandra Green: No dear, that's what babies do.\nMonica Geller: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.\nSandra Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while you're trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?\nRachel Green: I don't know, I'd leave it on the changing table? What?! What'd I do? What'd I do?!\nSandra Green: You can't leave a baby alone!\nRachel Green: Oh come-Of course I know that. I mean of course you never leave a baby alone! I mean who would-she wouldn't be safe as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God, okay. Y'know what? I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, I'm just gonna maybe open them a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.\nWoman: It's actually a bassinet.\nRachel Green: Okay mommy, don't ever leave me.\nJoey Tribbiani: In what John Houston film would you hear this line, \"Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!\"\nChandler Bing: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!\nJoey Tribbiani: Correct! There's a possible backwards bonus!\nChandler Bing: Madre Sierra the of Treasure!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nChandler Bing: I'd like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wise choice, how many rungs?\nChandler Bing: Six!\nJoey Tribbiani: That noise can only me one thing.\nChandler Bing: Hungry monkey.\nRoss Geller: Hungry monkey! Haaa! I'd like a Wicked Wango card!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, it's an audio question, name this television theme song.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!\nChandler Bing: Tell it to the Time Turtle!\nRoss Geller: Shut up! I Dream of Genie!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes, you're back in the lead!\nRoss Geller: I'd like to spin the wheel!\nChandler Bing: Oh come on!!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round!\nRoss Geller: Is there a hopping bonus?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who invented bifocals?\nRoss Geller: Ben Franklin.\nJoey Tribbiani: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?\nRoss Geller: Queen Victoria.\nJoey Tribbiani: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!\nRoss Geller: Noooo!!! Every time!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now, over to Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I'd like a Google Card.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you sure?\nChandler Bing: Yes! No! Google!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, you've been Bamboozled!\nChandler Bing: Nooo!!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!!\nChandler Bing: This is the best game ever!!!\nRachel Green: So umm, you're gonna stay with me as long as I need you?\nSandra Green: Of course I am!\nRachel Green: Oh mom, I swear I'm not an idiot. I've read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didn't think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The baby's coming and I don't know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?\nSandra Green: No. Sweetie, you're gonna be fine.\nRachel Green: Wait-wait where are you going? Where are you going?\nSandra Green: I'm going to the bathroom.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nSandra Green: Now don't worry! Everything's gonna be okay.\nMonica Geller: It is going to be okay! It was worth a shot.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty?\nRoss Geller: I just Bamboozled Chandler! Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not if you were here.\nRoss Geller: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.\nRachel Green: Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all.\nRoss Geller: A Play-Dough Barber Shop?\nRachel Green: No. She's going to live with us for eight weeks.\nRoss Geller: Uh, what?\nRachel Green: Yes! She's gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo.\nRoss Geller: What-You're not serious. I mean she's a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her. She'll drive us totally crazy.\nSandra Green: Hi Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi roomie!\nMan: Hey Joey, hi! I'm Ray; I'm the producer of the show.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a pleasure to meet you Ray.\nRay: And this is Duncan and Erin, they're gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, let's get the camera rolling.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rightie-O Ray!\nRay: Whenever you're ready.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello, I'm Joey Tribbiani! Let's play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?\nErin: Wayne Gretzky.\nJoey Tribbiani: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?\nRay: Uh Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? We've eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.\nJoey Tribbiani: What-Why?!\nRay: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well what's complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You're in Paradise Pond!\nRay: Yeah all that's gone. It's basically just a simple question and answer game now.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well what's fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's just people standing around answering questions?\nRay: Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let's play Bamboozled!\nSandra Green: ...and all those dinosaur nick-knacks you have Ross, I thought they might be more at home in the garage.\nRoss Geller: Well we...we don't have a garage.\nSandra Green: Did I say garage? I meant garbage.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? Maybe, Mrs. Green, it's not absolutely vital that you live with us.\nSandra Green: Well Rachel needs help with the baby.\nRachel Green: I do. I really do. I don't know anything.\nRoss Geller: I'm-I'm sure that's not true.\nRachel Green: Oh no? Pheebs? Monica? Do I know anything about babies?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, not a thing.\nMonica Geller: It's frightening.\nRoss Geller: Well uh, y'know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.\nSandra Green: That's true. You do have another child.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nSandra Green: With another woman. Have you no control Ross?\nRoss Geller: That's a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to...to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.\nSandra Green: Well then you really don't need me to live with you.\nRoss Geller: Yes! Yes, you're gonna be so missed.\nSandra Green: You're gonna be a great father.\nRoss Geller: Well you're gonna be a wonderful grandma.\nRachel Green: Hello?! I still don't know what the hell I'm doing!\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. You'll-you're gonna pick it up. Hey! You will! Uh look, y'know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddy's credit card. Do you remember?\nRachel Green: I hope you're going somewhere with this.\nRoss Geller: Look at you! What-You're-you're this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother.\nRachel Green: Really?\nRoss Geller: I'm telling you.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nSandra Green: All right you two, I'm gonna get going.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nSandra Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here, which I almost wasn't.\nMonica Geller: You're still so funny. You're so funny. What do I do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and she's been nothing but terrible to you. And don't forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasn't even thanked you for it.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? You're-you're right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, I'd tell her off.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!\nMonica Geller: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose! But what you're during to me now is just plain spiteful!\nSandra Green: Spiteful?!\nMonica Geller: That's right! Maybe it's time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady...old lady...lady!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up...\nMonica Geller: So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! I can't feel my legs!\nPhoebe Buffay: You were fantastic! I'm so proud of you!\nMonica Geller: Yeah? I'm proud of me too.\nPhoebe Buffay: You should be!\nMonica Geller: Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink?\nPhoebe Buffay: You got it!\nMonica Geller: Okay. Mrs. Green! Okay I'm really sorry!! I'm apologizing for the- Okay, I bit my tongue, but I'm still really sorry!\nRachel Green: Okay! I'm ready.\nRoss Geller: You sure?\nRachel Green: Yes, I've done my studying and I really know my stuff.\nRoss Geller: All right then. Rachel Green! Let's play Bamboozled! How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water?\nRachel Green: Uh, put your elbow in it.\nRoss Geller: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?\nRachel Green: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.\nRoss Geller: That's correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound?\nRachel Green: Check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it!\nRoss Geller: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?\nRachel Green: A card! A card! I pick a card!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sorry you've been Bamboozled! You're gonna be a terrible mother! I've lost sight of why we're doing this!"}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey you guys I got some bad news.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well that's no way to sell newspapers. Why don't you try, \"Extra! Extra! Read all about it!\"\nRoss Geller: No, Monica's restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find.\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, this is bad! And I've had my share of bad reviews. I still remember my first good one though. \"Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal.\"\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!\nRoss Geller: Umm...\nMonica Geller: Oh dear God!\nRoss Geller: But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know.\nMonica Geller: What about the rest of Manhattan?!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, they all know.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, this is horrible!\nChandler Bing: I'm so sorry.\nMonica Geller: I'm so humiliated!\nRachel Green: Yeah but y'know what they say Mon, \"There's no such thing as bad press.\"\nMonica Geller: You don't think that umm, \"The chef's Mahi Mahi was awful awful,\" is bad press?\nRachel Green: I didn't write it.\nMonica Geller: Is he right? Am I really-Am I awful?\nEveryone: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah Monica! You listen to me, okay? And I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend, I'm sayin' it 'cause it's the truth. You're food is abysmal!\nRachel Green: Ross!\nRoss Geller: What?! What?\nRachel Green: I am freaking out!\nRoss Geller: Are ya?\nRachel Green: My due date is in one week!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing up?\nRachel Green: That is seven days!\nRoss Geller: Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after...\nRachel Green: No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!\nRoss Geller: It's funny you should mention diapers.\nRachel Green: I'm serious.\nRoss Geller: Okay look, there's nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. There's a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?\nRachel Green: Okay. Thank you. That's great. Thank you. Wait-wait! Where on west 10th? Because there's this really cute shoe store that has like this little...\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. If uh, if you're gonna do this, then I'm gonna do that. So...\nRachel Green: Oh, wait Ross! I'm sorry, one more thing!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: Umm, our situation. Y'know umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we-we're having this baby together, and we live together. Isn't that, isn't that weird?\nRoss Geller: Well uh...\nRachel Green: I'm just kidding! You can go pee!\nMonica Geller: Joey! Now that you're here...\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, I can hang out 'til I have to meet ya. What uh-How come you're not going?\nChandler Bing: I have a job interview I have to get ready for.\nJoey Tribbiani: I thought you already have a job.\nChandler Bing: And people say you don't pay attention. No, this is a much better job. It's vice-president of a company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! How do you know how to do that?!\nChandler Bing: That's what I do now.\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey, come taste this.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is it?\nMonica Geller: Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well... I'm getting my revenge!\nJoey Tribbiani: You cooked him?\nMonica Geller: No. He Teaches A Course On Food Criticism At The New School, So Before We Go To The Movies I Wanna Go By There And Make Him Try My Bouillabaisse Again. Oh, I Cannot Wait To Read The Front Page Of The Post Tomorrow! \"Restaurant Reviewer Admits I was wrong about Monica.\"\nChandler Bing: The front page? You really do live in your own little world, don't ya?\nCashier: Do you uh, want these things delivered Mr. and Mrs. Geller?\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nRachel Green: No-no-no! No, no, no, we're not married.\nRoss Geller: We are having a baby together, but we're not involved. I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. Or, yes stranger, we'd like this delivered please.\nCashier: Why don't you fill out this address card.\nRoss Geller: Oh, okay.\nCashier: I notice you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Actually, that's one of the reasons why we're not a couple.\nRoss Geller: I chose those, I'm a paleontologist.\nCashier: Really?! That is so cool!\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh yeah, don't get to worked up over it. I mean it-it sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not.\nCashier: Oh no-no, I'm fascinated by paleontology. Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book?\nRoss Geller: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! I'm standing at a cash register, holding a credit card, and I'm bored.\nCashier: Oh, I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym right around the corner from your building.\nRoss Geller: That's my gym.\nCashier: I can tell you work out. A paleontologist who works out, you're like Indiana Jones.\nRoss Geller: I am like Indiana Jones.\nRachel Green: Hi Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go?\nRachel Green: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasn't on the list. A whore.\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRachel Green: Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well did she know you two weren't married?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Well the idea of a woman flirting with a-with a single man, we-we must alert the church elders!\nRachel Green: You don't understand! You didn't see how brazen she was.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sounds like you're a little jealous.\nRachel Green: No! I'm not! I-I-I just think it's wrong! It's-it's that I'm-Here I am about to pop and he's out picking up some shop girl at Sluts 'R' Us!\nPhoebe Buffay: Is that a real place? Are they hiring?\nChandler Bing: Hey Phoebe! Fatty!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Chandler, why so fancy?\nChandler Bing: Well, I got a job interview. It's kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and I'd be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait, I think I know someone who does that.\nChandler Bing: Me! I do that. So... Seriously, do I look okay? I'm little nervous.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! You really-You look great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, just don't get your hopes up.\nChandler Bing: Why not?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, the interview...\nChandler Bing: What about it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you don't know.\nChandler Bing: Are you serious?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, when I first met you, you were like, \"Blah, blah, blah.\" I was like, shhh!\nChandler Bing: What is it that I do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just-You come off a little needy.\nChandler Bing: Did you like me when we first met?\nRachel Green: Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you.\nMonica Geller: Hi! Umm, I'm Monica Geller, I'm the chef at Alessandro's.\nThe Food Critic: Still?\nMonica Geller: I think the things that you said about me are really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance.\nThe Food Critic: I don't see any reason why I would do that to myself again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Either eat it, or be in it.\nMonica Geller: Spoon? So, what do you think?\nThe Food Critic: I'm torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soup is abysmal.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thata girl! Huh? We should get out of here; there's a new class comin' in.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Welcome to introduction to cooking. Now, before we start, can anyone tell me the difference between a hollandaise sauce and a bearnaise sauce?\nMonica Geller: I can.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Okay, go ahead.\nMonica Geller: Well umm, they both have a egg yolk and butter base, but a bearnaise has shallots, shirvel, and most importantly tarragon.\nThe Cooking Teacher: That's very good, what's your name?\nMonica Geller: Monica.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Monica, you go to the head of the class.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?\nRoss Geller: My son? Pretty serious. Oh hey Katie! What uh, what are you doing here?\nKatie (saleswoman): Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this.\nRoss Geller: Ah, must've been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.\nKatie (saleswoman): Listen, to be honest, home deliveries are really a part of my job description.\nRoss Geller: Oh.\nKatie (saleswoman): Oh uh...I actually came here to ask you out.\nRoss Geller: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. I'm just gonna put this back in my pocket, pretend that didn't happen. Uh yeah, actually I'm free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or...\nKatie (saleswoman): Sure!\nRachel Green: Horny bitch. No! You're a horny bitch! Noooo! You're the horny bitch! No! You're a horny bitch!\nRachel Green: So you guys go, have a really good time.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I'm just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. Y'know because of the Indiana Jones? Not-not because I'm-I'm into S&M. I'm not-I'm not into anything weird. Y'know? Just-just normal sex. So, I'm gonna grab my coat.\nRachel Green: So, you had a good day huh? Big commission; picked up a daddy.\nKatie (saleswoman): Are you okay with this?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! Yeah please, you guys have fun.\nKatie (saleswoman): Okay. It was nice to see you.\nRachel Green: Oh and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic, although you missed a button.\nKatie (saleswoman): Oh umm, actually I umm...\nRachel Green: Oh okay, I see what you're doing there.\nChandler Bing: I can't even believe this! I really come off that badly?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! It's okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.\nChandler Bing: Oh good. Good, because I'm sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, don't freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave?\nChandler Bing: An hour.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't help you.\nChandler Bing: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, all right, we'll just do our best. Okay? So let's say I'm the interviewer and I'm meeting you for the first time. Okay. \"Hi! Come on in, I'm uh, Regina Philange.\"\nChandler Bing: Chandler Bing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bing, what an unusual name.\nChandler Bing: Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. I'll let myself out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Your Fettuccini Alfredo looks a little dry, did you use all your cheese?\nJoey Tribbiani: When you say used, do you mean eat as a pre-cooking snack?\nThe Cooking Teacher: And the cream?\nJoey Tribbiani: Cheese makes me thirsty.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Okay. Let's move on.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Oh! Something smells good over at Monica's station! Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! You've never made this before?\nMonica Geller: Oh no! I don't know anything about cooking. I had to ask someone what it's called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Well, hats off to the chef.\nMonica Geller: I-I-I'm sorry, your-your mouth was full, I didn't hear what you said. Umm, hats off to who now?\nThe Cooking Teacher: The chef!\nMonica Geller: That's right.\nChandler Bing: ...I think you'll find if I come to work here, I don't micro-manage. I don't shy away from delegating.\nPhoebe Buffay: Um-hmm, that's good to know. But let's stop focusing on what you don't do, and start focusing on what you do do.\nChandler Bing: What I do do...is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.\nPhoebe Buffay: I see. Nice sidestep on the do do thing by the way.\nChandler Bing: Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.\nPhoebe Buffay: You gotta go!\nChandler Bing: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, don't worry. You're ready.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Absolutely! Just fight all your natural instincts and you'll be great.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Ah Monica, my star student.\nMonica Geller: Y'know, you called me that before so I-I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Oh, yum-yum-yum.\nMonica Geller: Wow! A star! I know you all hate me and-and I'm sorry, but I don't care.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, you're up next. This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can an A? In-in school? Hey, I'm a dork.\nMonica Geller: Joey! I'm so proud of you!\nThe Cooking Teacher: I think you should give him your star.\nMonica Geller: Excuse me? He doesn't even know what he's doing!\nThe Cooking Teacher: We're all beginners here. Nobody knows what they're doing.\nMonica Geller: I do! I'm a professional chef! Oh relax! It's not a courtroom drama!\nThe Cooking Teacher: If you're a professional chef, what are you doing taking Introduction to Cooking?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I'm-I'm sorry, it's just that umm... Well I-I cook at this restaurant, Alessandro's, and umm I just got a really bad review...\nThe Cooking Teacher: Oh Alessandro's! I love that place!\nMonica Geller: You do?\nThe Cooking Teacher: Oh yes! You're an excellent chef! As a person you're a little...\nMonica Geller: Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you-you like the food?\nThe Cooking Teacher: Very much.\nMonica Geller: Okay then, I don't stink. I'm a good chef. Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I don't want to go. I'm having fun.\nThe Cooking Teacher: Well actually, did either of you pay for this class?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.\nChandler Bing: ...also I was the point person on my company's transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.\nThe Interviewer: You must've had your hands full.\nChandler Bing: That I did. That I did.\nThe Interviewer: So let's talk a little bit about your duties.\nChandler Bing: My duties? All right.\nThe Interviewer: Now you'll be heading a whole division, so you'll have a lot of duties.\nChandler Bing: I see.\nThe Interviewer: But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.\nChandler Bing: Good to know.\nThe Interviewer: We can go into detail...\nChandler Bing: No don't I beg of you!\nThe Interviewer: All right then, we'll have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, you'll fit in well here.\nChandler Bing: Really?!\nThe Interviewer: Absolutely. You can relax; you did great.\nChandler Bing: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Y'know I've been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. Duties. Duties! Poo.\nThe Interviewer: Poo?\nChandler Bing: Oh my God this doesn't count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! There's a crazy guy out in the hall!\nThe Interviewer: Poo?!\nChandler Bing: I'll look forward to your call.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi! You're back from your date!\nRoss Geller: How are you?\nRachel Green: I'm fine, but that's not important. What's important is how was she?\nRoss Geller: Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.\nRachel Green: Oh uh-huh, uh-huh, coffee, a little rub-rub-rub under the table.\nRoss Geller: What's uh, what's going on? Do you not, do you not like Katie?\nRachel Green: No! No, she's-She was nice. I mean, she's a little slutty, but who isn't?\nRoss Geller: I liked her.\nRachel Green: Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!\nRoss Geller: Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today?!\nRachel Green: No! It's just that, Kate bothered me.\nRoss Geller: Why? What was wrong with her?\nRachel Green: There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!\nRoss Geller: Okay, so what's the matter?\nRachel Green: I don't want you to date her!\nRoss Geller: Why? What, what are you jealous?\nRachel Green: Yes! And not because I want you to go out with me, but because I don't want you to go out with anybody! Okay? I know it's a terrible thing to even think this, and it's completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day! I'm very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: I won't date. I'll uh, I'll be here, with you, all the time.\nRachel Green: Really? But I'm being so unreasonable.\nRoss Geller: True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. You're having our baby.\nRachel Green: Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Do you feel better?\nRachel Green: No, not really. You're pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry.\nRoss Geller: Uh Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Just one thing umm...\nRachel Green: Uh-huh.\nRoss Geller: We live together. You're having our baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you don't want something more?\nRachel Green: Wow! I don't know, maybe. I'm...\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, Rach! I was just messin' around! Like you did last night when I had to pee?\nRachel Green: I knew that! I knew that! I was just messin' with you too!\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you...\nRachel Green: Oh no-no-no-no, no!\nRoss Geller: ...that you actually...\nRachel Green: No that's just-That's just 'cause I'm such a good messer!\nRoss Geller: Rach?\nRachel Green: Yeah?\nRoss Geller: The bathroom?\nRachel Green: Right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, that's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade, and I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time.\nMonica Geller: Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself?\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nThe Acting Teacher: All right, let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, this was a stupid idea."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: Hey! What are you guys looking at?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it's a poster for that World War I movie that I'm in, check it out.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Wow! It looks really violent!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh! I know. I'm coming soon to a theater near you! I'm in THX! I'm unsuitable for children!\nRoss Geller: Now I cannot wait to see this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, it's already generating Oscar buzz.\nPhoebe Buffay: I started that!\nJoey Tribbiani: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and you're all invited!\nMonica Geller: Are we gonna take a limo?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure! Why not?!\nMonica Geller: Oh I love taking limos when nobody died!\nRachel Green: Well obviously I won't be able to come, for those of you who haven't checked their calendars today is my due date. Well y'know, I just want to take a moment and thank you guys for how great you've been during this time. I really couldn't have done it without you. And I have loved these last nine months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss being pregnant.\nRachel Green: That's right, still no baby! Come on people! Please make some room!\nRoss Geller: Uh sweetie, maybe you'd be more comfortable here?\nRachel Green: You. Like you haven't done enough.\nRoss Geller: Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. Because with seahorses it's the male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, I'd be far away in the sea.\nRachel Green: God. I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I know, I've been there. I remember toward the end...\nRachel Green: Oh Phoebe, that's a great story. Can you tell it to me when you're getting me some iced tea? Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!\nChandler Bing: Let's.\nChandler Bing: Hey! Did you have the baby yet?\nRachel Green: Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? 'Cause I'll do it.\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here so early?\nRachel Green: They sent me home from work. They were like, \"Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby.\" Well y'know what? Screw 'em! If they don't want me there, I'll just hang out with you guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Or you can do volunteer work.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nEstelle Leonard: Joey! It's Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one guest tickets to your premiere.\nJoey Tribbiani: One guest? You told me I can have six tickets!\nEstelle Leonard: Well, I sold four of them on Ebay. You'll be sitting next to HotGuy372.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God. So that's it?! I only get to bring one guest?\nEstelle Leonard: Yeah, what time do you wanna pick me up? Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.\nRachel Green: What-what about me?\nJoey Tribbiani: You said you didn't want to go.\nRachel Green: I don't. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just because I'm pregnant you think I'm invisible.\nJoey Tribbiani: Definitely not invisible.\nMonica Geller: Well, well Ross didn't care enough to be here, so I think he's out. You snooze you lose.\nChandler Bing: He's not snoozing, he's teaching a class.\nMonica Geller: Well then somebody's snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here.\nChandler Bing: I haven't seen this dress.\nMonica Geller: Star in a movie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? Phoebe, Phoebe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well uh...I think I want to take Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-Burrrrr!\nChandler Bing: You really want to take me?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Yeah! I mean I'm sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but y'know Chandler always supported my career. He's paid for acting classes and head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.\nChandler Bing: So you're never actually going to pay me back?\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots you're gonna take him? Joey, I don't think you're comprehending just how slutty this dress is!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's not just the stuff he paid for, I mean it's-it's everything. Y'know? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didn't get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didn't believe in myself.\nChandler Bing: I always knew you were gonna make it. I'm so proud of you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. That means a lot to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mon, maybe one of these guys wants to wear your dress.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm gonna go shave.\nChandler Bing: Yeah well, I'm gonna go spit.\nRachel Green: Oh, I have to pee. If I don't come out in five minutes it's because I've choked to death on the potpourri stink.\nPhoebe Buffay: When she comes out, you hold her nose, I'll blow in her mouth, and the kid will just right out of her.\nMonica Geller: She's over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. I-I think it's still gonna be a while.\nMonica Geller: Hmm, care to make it interesting? I'll bet you that she'll have it by this time tomorrow.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're on!\nMonica Geller: Okay, how much?\nPhoebe Buffay: One hundred thousand dollars!\nMonica Geller: How about fifty bucks?\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! I'll call Zurich and move some money around.\nRachel Green: All right, who's turn is it to help me get up!\nPhoebe Buffay: No one's here! Oh damnit!\nChandler Bing: This is so exciting! It's so glamorous! People taking our picture. How do I look?\nJoey Tribbiani: A little tall.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? There you go.\nChandler Bing: It's just so glamorous.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey Mon? Rach is here! Ohh, you're still pregnant. Oh, I'm sorry. I know how uncomfortable you are. Y'know what? You look great. Yeah, like fifty bucks.\nRachel Green: Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy.\nMonica Geller: Damnit! Damnit!! Here's your fifty bucks!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose?\nMonica Geller: Now stop it! Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Fine! You're on!\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Until then, General Grant, why don't you set up camp right there.\nRoss Geller: Hey is Rachel here? We have a doctor's appointment.\nMonica Geller: She's in the bathroom.\nRoss Geller: Rach, we gotta go.\nRachel Green: In a minute!!!\nRoss Geller: People ask me why we're not together, I just don't know what to tell them.\nRachel Green: All right, all right. Let's go!\nRoss Geller: Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctor's keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry...\nRachel Green: No, I'm fine.\nRoss Geller: Really? You don't think that's a little inappropriate.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good God man don't anger it.\nRachel Green: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.\nRoss Geller: Fine! Fine! Y'know what? Whatever you want. Okay? You're the mommy.\nRachel Green: Oh uh-uh pal! Don't call me mommy! It's bad enough you call your own mother that.\nMonica Geller: I'm actually with her on this one.\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, this is it. It's my big fight scene coming up.\nRachel Green: Ross.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Can I ask you something?\nRoss Geller: Uh-huh.\nRachel Green: When Carol was pregnant with Ben...\nRoss Geller: Mmm?\nRachel Green: ...were you this irritating?\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nRachel Green: Excuse me?!\nRoss Geller: Oh nothing. Nothing! Just uh, you've been a little short with me lately. I'm not trying to irritate you.\nRachel Green: Well then you just must have a natural talent for it.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? The doctor will be in soon, why don't we not speak until then.\nRachel Green: Okay. Seriously, breathe louder Ross! That's great!\nRoss Geller: Y'know we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human and half pure evil!\nRachel Green: Hi Dr. Long, how are you?\nRoss Geller: Oh, you're nice to her.\nRachel Green: She has the drugs!\nDr. Long: We'll do a quick check.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nDr. Long: So, eight days late huh?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nDr. Long: You must be a little uncomfortable.\nRachel Green: Eh, just a tad.\nDr. Long: You're about 80 percent effaced, so you're on your way. It still could last a little while longer. If you're anxious there are a few ways to help things along.\nRoss Geller: Do them!!\nDr. Long: Actually, they're things you can do. Just some home remedies, but in my experience I've found that some of them are quite effective.\nRachel Green: Well, we are ready to try anything.\nDr. Long: Okay, there's an herbal tea you can drink.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nDr. Long: You can take some caster oil, there's eating spicy foods...\nRachel Green: Great! We will do all of those.\nDr. Long: ...taking a long walk, and then there's the one that's proved most effective: sex.\nRoss Geller: You've got to be kidding me!\nChandler Bing: Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch!\nJoey Tribbiani: You liked it? You really liked it?\nChandler Bing: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Which part exactly?\nChandler Bing: The whole thing! Can we go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no, give me some specifics.\nChandler Bing: I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did-did you like that part?\nChandler Bing: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.\nJoey Tribbiani: You fell asleep!! There was no kangaroo! They didn't take any of my suggestions! That's for coming buddy. I'll see you later.\nChandler Bing: Don't go! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him! Or, call an ambulance.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby will come?\nRachel Green: No. But she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, we tried them all. We went for a walk, uh we tried a special tea, caster oil, spicy food nothing has worked.\nRachel Green: Well, there is one thing that we haven't tried, but someone thinks that, \"That will open up a can of worms.\"\nMonica Geller: Well what is it? What is it? If it's gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.\nRoss Geller: It's sex.\nMonica Geller: Do it!\nRoss Geller: Monica!\nMonica Geller: I'm just saying it's been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I-I don't know about that. No, I think that if the two of you had sex the-the-the repercussions would be catastrophic.\nMonica Geller: All right, let's be practical, if Ross isn't willing to do it, he's not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow Chandler-Chandler is good!\nRoss Geller: Monica, what is the matter with you?\nMonica Geller: Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today.\nRachel Green: Why? Why today?\nMonica Geller: Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that you're gonna have the baby and I don't want to lose again!\nRoss Geller: What?! While she's been going through this hell, you've been making money?! You're betting on your friend staying in this misery?!\nRachel Green: I'll take that bet.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: Well, I'm miserable here! I might as well make some money out it!\nRoss Geller: Can I get some of that action?\nMonica Geller: Wait a minute! Now I'm betting against all three of you?\nRachel Green: Oh honey, don't worry. I really do feel like tomorrow's the day.\nMonica Geller: Oh, okay!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Sleeping beauty!\nChandler Bing: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no, were you upset? Did you lose sleep?\nChandler Bing: I'm so sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between us! Okay? You've done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you?\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Give me a number, I don't want to owe you anything!\nChandler Bing: You don't owe me anything, I don't want you money...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah-ah-ah! We're doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots. Right, how much were those?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, five hundred dollars?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, five hundred dollars. What else?\nChandler Bing: Well then there was the second set, the infamous booger head shots.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, so that's another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, that's...\nChandler Bing: Do you want a calculator?\nJoey Tribbiani: Please!\nChandler Bing: Here!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, what else?\nChandler Bing: Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap classes...\nJoey Tribbiani: Which we're still keeping under our hats!\nChandler Bing: Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out Jamaican.\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell are you talking about, \"The south will rise again man.\"\nChandler Bing: Yes, money well spent!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Okay, what else? Rent!\nChandler Bing: Okay, two, three years of rent, utilities, food...\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay, so I'm writing you a check for...So you fell asleep during my movie. Big deal right? How do you clear this thing?\nRoss Geller: Come on, finish your enchilada.\nRachel Green: Ross I-We tried all the spicy food. It's not working.\nRoss Geller: Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha... Oh God! So...so hot! Oh my- By the way, you don't want to touch the pepper and then touch your eye.\nRachel Green: I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes me want to have sex with you.\nRoss Geller: Stop it.\nRachel Green: Oh come on Ross, why are we wasting our time with this other stuff?! We know what's gonna work! It's doctor recommended!\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, but we have to have some boundaries! My God, I'm dying.\nRachel Green: Oh come on Ross, we've done it before we'll do it again, it'll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy.\nRoss Geller: This is insane, I'm not gonna make love to you just so that you'll go into labor.\nRachel Green: Make love? What are you a girl?\nRoss Geller: Always a great way to get in a man's pants.\nRachel Green: But you will, you will be performing a service. Okay? Just-just think of me as a ketchup bottle, y'know you sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just to get something to come out.\nRoss Geller: I love when you talk dirty to me.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know it. You're right. That's not sexy. Oh...Oh! Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Okay enough! This is, this is not going to happen.\nRachel Green: Come on Ross! I'm miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.\nRoss Geller: Y'know what?\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Forget it.\nRachel Green: Oh wow! What now Ross you're not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. I mean you'd think the damn jalepeno would've cleared up your sinuses, but no!! That's not enough... What are you doing?!\nRoss Geller: I'm getting that baby out of you!\nRachel Green: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I know.\nRachel Green: Oh no. No-no! I think my water just broke.\nRoss Geller: I am good. Okay! Okay! Uh, I got the pillow! I got the bag! You got the keys?\nRachel Green: Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: We're having a baby.\nRachel Green: I didn't uh, really have time to read this part of the books, but do you think we have time to...\nRoss Geller: Not so much.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Two hundred.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you!\nMonica Geller: That's it. I'm done. I don't care when the baby comes, no more betting.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. I guess we can bet one more time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is Rachel having the baby?\nMonica Geller: How did you know that?! Joey! Chandler!! It's time!\nPhoebe Buffay: They're at the coffeehouse.\nMonica Geller: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. I bet you it has hair. I bet you it's a girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: We know it's a girl!\nMonica Geller: I'll give you really good odds."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: All right! Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!\nRachel Green: Yes, the hard part is truly over.\nRoss Geller: No, but come on, we're off to a great start aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you made it!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: How are you doing?\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here?\nMonica Geller: We took a cab. Did you guys walk?\nRoss Geller: N... No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs!\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! You made it!\nRoss Geller: Okay is there...some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?!\nRachel Green: Ross, you stay here and talk, I'm gonna go have a baby.\nRoss Geller: Okay. Okay. Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. I'm Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.\nNurse: Right! We have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. So in just a minute...\nRachel Green: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I'm sorry, semi-private? We , we asked for a private room.\nNurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we can't guarantee a private room and currently they're all unavailable.\nChandler Bing: Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner.\nNurse: I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.\nRachel Green: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Give her some money.\nRoss Geller: I really think they're out of rooms.\nRachel Green: They're not!! Ross, they're just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!\nRoss Geller: Well then we'd be in a lot of trouble, you don't know where any countries are. Okay. Uh, say would you umm... Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have opened up?\nNurse: This is a hospital.\nRachel Green: Okay. Y'know what? I'd have to say I really don't care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem to-Whoa! Oh gosh! Whoa!\nRoss Geller: What-what?\nRachel Green: Ow! Ow! Contraction. Ow-ow! Ow-ow!\nNurse: Would you like to see a semi-private room?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it couldn't hurt to look.\nDr. Long: Well you're only two centimeters dilated and we need to get to ten. It'll be a while.\nRachel Green: Oh, okay.\nDr. Long: I'll be back in an hour to check you again.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Thank you. Well, I guess we have some time to kill.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! Never done this before.\nRachel Green: Yeah well it looks great!\nMan: Thank you very much.\nWoman: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Hi! Hi, I'm uh Ross. I'm here to ruin this magical day for you.\nMan: Oh no-no, not at all.\nWoman: Don't worry about it.\nMan: Marc Coreger, this is my wife Julie.\nRoss Geller: Hi Julie.\nJulie Coreger: Hi.\nRoss Geller: This is Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMarc Coreger: Oh hi Rachel.\nRachel Green: How are you?\nJulie Coreger: Hi. Is this your first?\nRachel Green: Yeah it is.\nJulie Coreger: Well, little Jamie here is our third. So, if you have questions or you need anything at all, just holler.\nRachel Green: That's so sweet.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier but let me give you guys some privacy.\nMarc Coreger: No nonsense! We're all in this together.\nJulie Coreger: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think we're gonna have some fun.\nMarc Coreger: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh, okay.\nMarc Coreger: Hey! Smile!\nRachel Green: Oh no, I really don't want any-Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross...\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Here comes another contraction.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Okay, just breathe.\nJulie Coreger: Oh honey, I think I'm having one too!\nMarc Coreger: Look at this! There we go!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you wanna see something?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! What?\nMonica Geller: Umm, this is going to be fun. Watch me freak out Chandler. Honey?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: Listen uh, I-I've been doing some thinking, and I don't know whether it's because we're here or Rachel's giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: What-what-what's that now?!\nChandler Bing: Okay. I've been thinking about it too, and I, I think we're ready.\nMonica Geller: What?! Are you kidding me?! You-you-you think we're ready to have a baby now?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, this is fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're ready to have a baby? My boy's all grown up!\nChandler Bing: But you said you were ready too.\nMonica Geller: Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now!\nChandler Bing: Yes, but haven't you wanted a kid like forever?\nMonica Geller: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. 'Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?! Are you crazy?!\nMonica Geller: That's it! Right there! Is all I wanted!\nMarc Coreger: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's very-Really very-very okay.\nMarc Coreger: Julie's cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, that's about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.\nJulie Coreger: Have you felt Rachel's cervix Ross?\nRachel Green: No, I don't think we'll be doing that.\nRoss Geller: We're not gonna do that.\nJulie Coreger: Well, if you like you can feel Rachel's and then feel mine to compare.\nJudy Geller: Am I interrupting?\nRoss Geller: Uh yes! Thank you.\nRachel Green: Oh. Oh wait no.\nRoss Geller: Later.\nRachel Green: No-no-don't! Don't leave me here with these people.\nRoss Geller: Oh uh, I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: No Ross! Ross! Ross! My child has no father!\nRoss Geller: Hi! I'm so glad you're here, but it's gonna be a while. I-I wished you'd called first.\nJudy Geller: Oh that's all right, I'm coming back later with your father.\nRoss Geller: Oh good.\nJudy Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.\nRoss Geller: Okay, what's up?\nJudy Geller: I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it.\nRoss Geller: Ma, you're asking me to marry you?\nJudy Geller: This is your grandmother's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.\nRoss Geller: Mom no, come on! Thank you.\nJudy Geller: Just hear me out!\nRoss Geller: N-no! Okay? We've been through this! We're not gonna get married just because she's pregnant, okay?\nJudy Geller: Honestly! Ross, this isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and humped. A child should have a family.\nRoss Geller: Mom, y'know what? I-I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry...\nJudy Geller: Just...think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping.\nRoss Geller: Gimmie!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJudy Geller: Oh hi dear!\nRachel Green: Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here!\nRoss Geller: ...she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why I'm not with Rachel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Why aren't you with Rachel?\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding? Look, we're not gonna be together just because we're having a baby. Okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: But y'know what? It just seems that you two belong together.\nRoss Geller: Okay, stop it! I can't deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right. And with who again?\nJoey Tribbiani: God. He's crazy! Why doesn't he want to be with Rachel?\nPhoebe Buffay: I know!\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean seriously, she's like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadn't and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and... I haven't bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?\nRoss Geller: Hey. Who's that?\nRachel Green: New people.\nRoss Geller: What happened to the Disgustingtons?\nRachel Green: They're having their baby! It's not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?\nRachel Green: Well they have uh, some unusual pet names for each other. Including umm, evil bitch and uh, sick bastard. Oh God oh! Contraction!\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Okay.\nRachel Green: Ooh! Ow!!\nEvil Bitch: Are you looking at her?!\nSick Bastard: No!\nEvil Bitch: Don't you look at her you sick bastard!\nSick Bastard: Honey I swear! I wasn't looking at her!\nEvil Bitch: She's in labor! You like that you sick son of a bitch!\nRoss Geller: Umm. Umm, I'm-I'm just gonna-\nEvil Bitch: See? See? It was because you were looking fat pervert!\nRoss Geller: No-no, I'm...I'm sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy.\nEvil Bitch: You miss your girlfriend?\nRoss Geller: Just ignore them.\nRachel Green: Ross.\nRoss Geller: What? What?\nRachel Green: He's looking at me.\nRoss Geller: Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?!\nEvil Bitch: Don't you talk to my husband like that you stupid bastard!\nMonica Geller: Oh good God! If you want a baby so bad just go steal it!\nMonica Geller: What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies?\nChandler Bing: I'm not crazy about babies. I'm crazy about us.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Look, we've always talked about having babies someday. I'm not saying it has to be right now, but I'm starting to think that we can handle it. We're good. We're really good.\nMonica Geller: We are pretty good.\nChandler Bing: But nothing has to happen until your ready.\nMonica Geller: Well maybe I'm ready now. I mean, it's a little scary, but maybe it's right.\nChandler Bing: What?! It's not right! We're not ready to have a kid now!!\nMonica Geller: What?!!\nChandler Bing: I'm kidding. This is going to be fun.\nMonica Geller: So we're gonna try? I mean, are we trying?\nChandler Bing: We're trying to get pregnant. Y'know I'm not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?\nMonica Geller: Okay, hold on a sec.\nChandler Bing: Period math?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Well, we could start trying. Now.\nChandler Bing: Right here?\nMonica Geller: No, not here. Maybe here.\nChandler Bing: Wait a minute, it's perfect. We got a lot of time to kill and we're in a building that's full of beds!\nMonica Geller: And it's so clean!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on you stupid machine! Come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it ate your money?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, I'll see you downstairs then.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey I got one! I got one!\nMan: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMan: Oh uh, up or down?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh down please. I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it?\nMan: Could you press up too please?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too.\nMan: Oh yeah? How'd yours happen?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's a long story. It's kind of embarrassing. Let's just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. How about you?\nMan: Car accident.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMan: Oh, let me guess some idiot on a cell phone wasn't paying attention?\nMan: Yeah. Me. Oh hey, that's me. Hey uh, I take it you're just visiting someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, yeah.\nMan: Well umm, if you have sometime y'know and maybe you might want to visit someone else...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah! I-I would like that.\nMan: I'm in the middle...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait! What?! No!! Elevator!! No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, you gotta press the button.\nRoss Geller: The nurse said they're bringing in another woman.\nRachel Green: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesn't need to be; she'll still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction!\nRoss Geller: That's it. That's it.\nWoman: Oooh, that sounded like a bad one.\nRachel Green: Yeah it was.\nWoman: Mine haven't been so bad. Oh! Here comes one now. Oh, that was a big one!\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, he's like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.\nNurse: I think I know who you're talking about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?\nNurse: I'm sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, she's with me. Dr. Drake Remoray.\nNurse: Dr. Drake who?\nJoey Tribbiani: Remoray. It's Portuguese. We need that information; I'm a doctor.\nNurse: A doctor at this hospital?\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit woman we're losing precious time! Now do you want this man's blood on your head?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hands.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. He's a patient of mine, I've been treating him for years!\nNurse: He's in room 816.\nJoey Tribbiani: 816, thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: And what is his name?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nMonica Geller: I think we found a place.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?\nChandler Bing: Okay. Uh, we'll dim the lights, dim the lights. Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go.\nMonica Geller: Okay! Okay! Make me sterile, but okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay. Let's hurry-Oh wait! Do we have a condom? Oh right!\nChandler Bing: Yes, 98.6. You're gonna be fine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is it! Oh, that's him! That's him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Great! Go get him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.\nJoey Tribbiani: He's not really my type.\nPhoebe Buffay: No not you, Dr. Drake Remoray. You can ask him questions and see what's he like. People tell doctors everything.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you said he was this great guy!\nPhoebe Buffay: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.\nJoey Tribbiani: You do attract some stinkers."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Dr. Long, I've been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?\nDr. Long: Three.\nRoss Geller: Just three?! I'm dilated three!\nDr. Long: We are moving along, just slowly. Don't worry, you're doing great. I'll be back soon.\nRachel Green: Hey, y'know what? I'm not waiting! I'm gonna push this baby out! I'm doing it! I mean it's what? Three centimeters? That's gotta be like this!\nRoss Geller: Actually it's more like this.\nRachel Green: Oh stupid metric system!\nDoctor: Oh my. We're gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.\nRachel Green: Oh for the love of God!\nWoman Giving Birth: It's coming! It's coming!\nDoctor: And here it is!\nRachel Green: Oh come on!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi! I'm Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.\nMan: Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, but I'm a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.\nMan: Dr. Wells is a woman.\nJoey Tribbiani: That was a test. Good response. All right, full name.\nMan: Clifford Burnett.\nJoey Tribbiani: Date of birth?\nCliff: November 16th, 1968.\nJoey Tribbiani: Age?\nCliff: Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.\nCliff: I'm 33.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. And uh, are you married.\nCliff: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?\nCliff: Are all the questions this personal?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes.\nCliff: Well uh if you must know I'm a widower.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's terrible. I'm-I'm really sorry.\nCliff: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hmm. Do you sleep with women and never call them again?\nCliff: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent! Excellent! And uh, finally, are you into any weird stuff y'know, sexually?\nCliff: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oooh, wrong answer.\nNurse: This room's available.\nRachel Green: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, that's four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! I'm next! It's my turn! It's only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me I'm going to sue you! Not this hospital, I'm going to sue you! And my husband he's a lawyer!\nRoss Geller: Uh Rach...\nRachel Green: Go get back on that case honey!\nNurse: I don't think the next patient is very far along.\nRachel Green: Okay, well then bring her in.\nWoman: OH...MY...GAWD!!!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I...can't...believe this!\nRoss Geller: And yet somehow it's true!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I mean this is so great! We're gonna be baby buddies!\nRoss Geller: Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears!\nMan: Hi sweetie!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I don't think you've met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank God for adult acne huh?\nSid Goralnik: I still can't believe it! I'm the luckiest guy in the world!\nRoss Geller: Really?\nSid Goralnik: What'd he say?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh y'know what? You have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid, because he's almost completely deaf.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Oh there you go!\nRachel Green: I get it!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: So? Congratulations you two, I didn't even know you got married.\nRachel Green: Oh we-we didn't.\nRoss Geller: No-no. We...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What?!\nRoss Geller: Um uh...We're-we're just having this baby together but uh, uh that's all.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Why?!!\nRoss Geller: Uh well umm...we're just not in that place, y'know? But we're very excited about this.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh. Well then shut me up.\nRachel Green: Just tell me how.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming.\nRoss Geller: Sid you lucky deaf bastard.\nPhoebe Buffay: What else? What else?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, well he's 33.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Ah-uh.\nJoey Tribbiani: A widower.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nJoey Tribbiani: He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and he's not into anything weird sexually.\nPhoebe Buffay: Enter Pheebs.\nChandler Bing: Should we tell Rachel there's an empty private room right next door to hers?\nMonica Geller: We could, or we can have sex in it.\nChandler Bing: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants!\nMonica Geller: Okay mister! Fertilize me!\nMonica Geller: Does that sound like Janice?\nChandler Bing: If it's not, then there's two of them. And that would mean it's the end of the world!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nRachel Green: Oh hi.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?\nRachel Green: Oh not bad. Do you know that feeling when you're trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?\nChandler Bing: Weirdest thing. Did I hear-Mother of God it's true!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Chandler Bing!\nChandler Bing: Jan-Janice!\nRoss Geller: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Janice I didn't even know you were pregnant! Who's the unwitting human who's essence you've stolen?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: It's you. This is yours.\nChandler Bing: What?!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years!\nChandler Bing: That's funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay I've got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla?\nCliff: I'd have to say...the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that you're making me eat him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Somebody went to college. Wow. What is it? I'm sorry.\nCliff: No, I'm sorry. It's just my foot itches like crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'll get it.\nCliff: Wow! I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Relax, it's not like we're forking.\nRachel Green: Oh that's five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesn't she want to come out?\nRoss Geller: Y'know what I think it is? I think you've made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesn't want to leave.\nRachel Green: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God!\nDr. Long: Twenty-one hours, you're a hero.\nRachel Green: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.\nDr. Long: Actually, I think you're ready to go to the delivery room.\nRachel Green: What?\nDr. Long: Ten centimeters, you're about to become a mom.\nRachel Green: My God. Okay. Ha-ha-ha beat ya! Sucker!\nCliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast?\nPhoebe Buffay: Y'know what? This one is.\nCliff: Oh my God! That's the doctor who was in my room before!\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh. Okay, Mr. Perkazet.\nCliff: I'm telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!\nPhoebe Buffay: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel's having her baby!! Which is of no interest to me, I'm a neurologist.\nCliff: That-that's him! You know him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay. Okay. I-Okay umm...this...I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm y'know, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than I'm coming off right now.\nCliff: I don't believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fake? Excuse me? Hello?\nCliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're right, that was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over?\nCliff: I don't think so.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brother's triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh Joey, we're trying to dial down the crazy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Umm, look we don't, we don't really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I don't know about you but that doesn't happen to me a lot.\nCliff: It doesn't happen to me either.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me neither.\nDr. Long: Push. Push. Come on push for five seconds. 5...4...\nRachel Green: 3-2-1 oh!!\nDr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds.\nRachel Green: I can't. I can't push anymore, I can't.\nRoss Geller: Sweetie you're doing great.\nRachel Green: Oh God twenty seconds my ass!!\nDr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something.\nRoss Geller: What? You do? You do? Oh my God!\nRachel Green: Don't say, \"Oh my God!\" Oh my God what?\nRoss Geller: What is that?\nDr. Long: It's the baby's buttock, she's breech.\nRoss Geller: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.\nRachel Green: Oh God. Is she gonna be okay?\nDr. Long: She's gonna be fine. Okay, she's in a more difficult position so you're gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push!\nRoss Geller: Go!\nDr. Long: Rachel you're gonna have to push even harder, nothing's happening!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, I can't!\nRoss Geller: Yes you can!\nRachel Green: I can't!\nRoss Geller: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Let's go!\nRachel Green: I can't. Please, you do it for me.\nRoss Geller: No! Come on let's-One more time! One final push! Ready? 1...2...3!\nDr. Long: Good!\nRoss Geller: Keep pushing!\nRachel Green: Are you okay?\nRoss Geller: You have no idea how much this hurts. Keep going! Keep going!\nDr. Long: Here we go!\nRoss Geller: Oh! Oh! She's upside down but she's coming! She's coming!\nRachel Green: Oh God!\nRoss Geller: Oh! Oh my God oh! Oh my God she's here.\nRoss Geller: Oh she's...she's perfect.\nRachel Green: Oh, she's so tiny. Where'd she go?\nRoss Geller: Oh it's okay. They're just-they're just wrapping her up.\nRachel Green: Okay. Well be careful with her, she's really tiny.\nDr. Long: Here she is!\nRachel Green: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, she's looking at me. Hi! I know you.\nDr. Long: Do we have a name yet?\nRachel Green: No, not yet.\nDr. Long: That's fine, for now we'll just call her Baby Girl Green.\nRachel Green: Oh no, Baby Girl Geller-Green.\nRachel Green: Hello baby girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: Can we come in?\nRoss Geller: Oh, come in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: There she is!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, she's so beautiful.\nRachel Green: Here.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! She's amazing. Oh, oh I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex!\nChandler Bing: It's incredible, I mean one minute she's inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.\nJoey Tribbiani: She looks so real! Y'know what I mean! She's this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and...uh-oh.\nRachel Green: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so we're good.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, my turn. My turn. Oh! You're so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! I won't.\nMonica Geller: What's the matter?\nRachel Green: Oh nothing I... Sorry, I just can't stop crying.\nRoss Geller: The doctor says it's completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-you're sleep deprived.\nRachel Green: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter now?\nRachel Green: I was reliving it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohhh.\nChandler Bing: So, do you know what you're gonna call her yet?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wait a minute it's not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!\nRoss Geller: Uh actually, we-we've narrowed it down to two names.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and y'know what? I love them both, so why don't you just pick one and that'll be it.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Umm, okay uh...everyone...this...is Isabella. What?\nRachel Green: That's not her name! I'm sorry, she just doesn't feel like an Isabella.\nChandler Bing: So then I guess Ferdinad is out.\nJoey Tribbiani: What was the other one Ross?\nRoss Geller: Umm, Delilah.\nRachel Green: Oh great! Suddenly she sounds like a biblical whore.\nRoss Geller: So I guess we're back to uh, Baby Girl.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay!\nRachel Green: Well what are we going to do?\nMonica Geller: It's okay honey, you'll find a name.\nRoss Geller: Ugh, easy for you to say, you already know what your kids names are going to be.\nChandler Bing: You do?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I've had them picked out since I was fourteen.\nChandler Bing: Oh no, it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good isn't it?\nRachel Green: Well tell us! What are they?\nMonica Geller: Umm, okay. If it's a boy it's Daniel.\nRachel Green: And if it's a girl?\nMonica Geller: I don't want to say.\nRachel Green: Oh, just tell us! We're not gonna want it!\nMonica Geller: Okay. It's Emma.\nRachel Green: Emma! See? I don't want it.\nMonica Geller: Take it.\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: It's clearly an Emma.\nRachel Green: Oh honey, but you love that name.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides y'know, nothing goes with Bing. So I'm screwed. I mean... Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, that's you. You're our little Em. Oh what's that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? You want a cousin right now?!\nChandler Bing: That was amazing.\nMonica Geller: I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby.\nChandler Bing: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride.\nRachel Green: Ohhh! Wow! He kinda takes your breath away doesn't he?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: He's a keeper. How are you feeling?\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm fine.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone.\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?\nRachel Green: Well then he gets a divorce, it's Ross!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I'm telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say they're gonna be there until they start their real family.\nRachel Green: Well I-That's never gonna happen with Ross.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh well that's what I thought about my first husband, now I'm lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.\nRachel Green: Really?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two are on your own.\nRachel Green: Well... That's...y'know-That's-We've been alone for the last twenty minutes we're doing okay. Besides y'know what? I-I-Maybe we won't be alone, 'cause lately I-I-things have been happening between me and Ross, y'know? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Y'know? So it might be the...the beginning of something.\nRoss Geller: Hey Janice!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh hi!\nRoss Geller: Who's this little guy?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Say hello to Aaron, your future son-in-law.\nRoss Geller: No-no. No.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: I'm gonna leave the three of you alone.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Man! Did you see the kid on that nose?\nRachel Green: Uh-huh. Y'know what I was, I was thinking about?\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nRachel Green: Umm...that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. Yeah, it really was. But we...we gotta be careful. We...we can't let that happen again, y'know?\nRachel Green: Right.\nRoss Geller: I mean we don't want to go down that road do we?\nRachel Green: No! No, of course not. No. That's why I brought it up. They didn't have any sodas?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot.\nRachel Green: That's all right. And so it begins.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is she in there?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. She's putting her down now, that's her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Look at Emma!\nPhoebe Buffay: I just can't decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel?\nRoss Geller: Oh what are you kidding? She's gorgeous, it's all Rachel.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, for the last time, why aren't you two together again? No, I know. I know, because you're not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.\nRoss Geller: It's...it's complicated okay?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah that's true. Yeah, you love her. You always have. You have a child together. There is no right answer.\nRoss Geller: Look, we've been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. It's just if-if we got together again and it didn't work out...I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything- Oh that's...now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I we're doing really, we're doing really well right now.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, exactly.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right. Or you might get everything you've wanted since you were fifteen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. What's the matter?\nRachel Green: Nothing.\nJoey Tribbiani: What is it? Hey!\nRachel Green: Really it's nothing. I'm just...\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach come on, what?\nRachel Green: I've just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you talking about alone? What about Ross?\nRachel Green: Oh please, he'll be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?\nRachel Green: I'm just saying that y'know, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and...he's gonna have his own life. Right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess so.\nRachel Green: I just never thought I would raise this baby all by myself. Pretty dumb huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, listen to me, listen to me...you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise that's not gonna happen.\nRachel Green: Joey. Honey what would I do without you?\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't have to worry about that okay?\nRachel Green: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? They're right on that chair under Ross's coat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: My God.\nRachel Green: Joey.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Okay."}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Joey.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. Okay.\nRachel Green: So uh...I guess we should...make it official huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh... Look Rach... Hey Ross is here! Hey look! It's my good friend Ross. Hey Ross.\nRoss Geller: Hey Joey. Hey you.\nRachel Green: Hey you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey and look he brought flowers. Thanks Ross, but I'm really more of a candy guy.\nRoss Geller: You're weird today. Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something.\nRachel Green: Uh yeah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.\nRoss Geller: Uh Joey, can you give us just a minute?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRoss Geller: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. I meant no.\nMonica Geller: Hi! Hey look who's here!\nJack Geller: Where's my granddaughter? I've been practicing my magic tricks.\nChandler Bing: He pulled a quarter out of my ear!\nRoss Geller: Hey, where's uh, where's mom?\nJack Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.\nMonica Geller: Oh, Aunt Liddy's coming? That means we get five dollars each!\nJack Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this?\nChandler Bing: Okay. Wow.\nRoss Geller: Uh Dad, Emma's in the nursery. I'll take you now. If you want, but I really want to talk to you.\nRachel Green: I know, I still need to talk to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey but, before you guys do that I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh and I need to talk to you.\nMonica Geller: About what?\nPhoebe Buffay: To see if know what these guys are talking about.\nMonica Geller: Isn't she beautiful?\nJack Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild.\nRoss Geller: What about Ben?\nJack Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. Wow.\nPhoebe Buffay: Have umm, have you thought anymore about you and Rachel?\nRoss Geller: Oh well yeah, actually I was going to talk to her when you guys all came in the room.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yay! It's so exciting! Wow, you could've done that with us there.\nRoss Geller: Yeah right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh sure okay, you can touch yourself in front of us but you can't talk to Rachel.\nRoss Geller: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?\nChandler Bing: Sure.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude I just did something terrible.\nChandler Bing: That was you?! I thought it was Jack!\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, that was Jack! Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me!\nChandler Bing: What?! Why does she think that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because it kinda looked like I did.\nChandler Bing: Again, what?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand.\nChandler Bing: As we all are at some point during the day.\nJoey Tribbiani: It wasn't my ring! It fell out of Ross's jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!\nChandler Bing: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess.\nChandler Bing: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know! I know it's awful.\nChandler Bing: Well, what did she say?\nJoey Tribbiani: She said yes.\nChandler Bing: Does Ross know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him?\nChandler Bing: Well maybe you don't have to tell him anything.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I like that. Yeah.\nChandler Bing: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass!\nJoey Tribbiani: Now let's not get carried away.\nMonica Geller: I want a baby.\nChandler Bing: Honey, we've been over this. I need to be facing the other way.\nMonica Geller: Come on! Come on, if we have sex again it'll double our chances of getting pregnant. Do you think that closet's still available?\nChandler Bing: I'm so tired. Yeah okay, but no foreplay.\nMonica Geller: Deal!\nRoss Geller: Dad seriously! Y'know you really should see someone about that!\nJack Geller: Noted.\nRoss Geller: I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute, are you gonna be okay alone for a bit?\nJack Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever.\nRoss Geller: Actually umm...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you all right?\nRachel Green: Uhh... I think I just got engaged.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! He did it?\nRachel Green: Well...did you know he was gonna ask me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? I'm like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.\nRachel Green: And you really think this is a good idea?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just talked him into it, don't tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired people.\nRachel Green: I just don't know! It just doesn't feel right.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so.\nRachel Green: Really?! Even Ross?\nPhoebe Buffay: Especially Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh y'know what? I'll-I'll come back later.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. I'll guess just...I'll come back.\nPhoebe Buffay: There he goes, your fiance.\nRachel Green: I guess so.\nPhoebe Buffay: Although he does play with himself in his sleep.\nRachel Green: I can't say that I'm surprised.\nRoss Geller: Dad, what are you doing?\nJack Geller: I think there are people in there having sex.\nJoey Tribbiani: It can't be me, I'm standing right here.\nJack Geller: Wanna peek?\nRoss Geller: No!\nJack Geller: Come on!\nRoss Geller: Y'know what? I don't like you without mom. Come on.\nJoey Tribbiani: We're not peeking?\nJack Geller: Well I'm peeking. Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Hello sir, you know Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, is it okay to come in?\nRachel Green: Of course! Oh Joey, this ring I...it's beautiful I love it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah uh look Rach, there's something I gotta tell ya.\nRachel Green: Hey!\nNurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Hi Emma. Hey, why do you think she won't take my breast?\nNurse: It's all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but don't worry. It'll happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yowsa!\nRachel Green: Okay sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dear Lord.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry honey, what were you saying?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh uh-uh yeah, I think that.\nRachel Green: Oh look, she's pulling away again! Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? She looks scared. Doesn't she look scared?\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know, I don't really know her.\nNurse: Why don't we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding me?!\nRachel Green: It's just so frustrating! Why doesn't she want my breast?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know! Maybe she's crazy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh hey! Wait up!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Congratulations! I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey 'cause I didn't know if he knew yet.\nRoss Geller: What, that we had a baby? Come on let's give him a little credit, although, he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, that you and Rachel are engaged!\nRoss Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We haven't done the secret thing in a long time.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didn't propose.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor?\nRoss Geller: I am a doctor! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself.\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, me too. Should we wake her up?\nRoss Geller: No! No, come on let her sleep! She's so exhausted.\nPhoebe Buffay: And so engaged.\nRoss Geller: What? Oh my God! She-she thinks we're engaged! Why? Why? Why would she think we're engaged?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? Y'know Ross doctors are supposed to be smart.\nRoss Geller: I didn't give her that ring!\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nRoss Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: So whose ring is it?\nRoss Geller: It's mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: Is it an engagement ring?\nRoss Geller: Yes!\nPhoebe Buffay: But you didn't give it to her?\nRoss Geller: No!\nPhoebe Buffay: But you were going to propose?\nRoss Geller: No!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Huh, I might be losing interest in this.\nRoss Geller: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe...kinda...wanted ah...start...things up again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment.\nRoss Geller: Look, I didn't want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didn't want to either. But I don't, I don't understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, and-and just start telling people?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! No, she said you actually proposed to her.\nRoss Geller: Well I didn't! I didn't propose! Unless uh... Did I? I haven't slept in forty hours and...it does sound like something I would do.\nChandler Bing: Look, we can't stay in here forever.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I still can't believe my dad saw us having sex! He didn't make it to one of piano recitals, but this he sees!\nChandler Bing: This is okay. We're all adults here; there's nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let's put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door.\nMonica Geller: Hi Dad! I can still call you that right?\nJack Geller: Of course. I'll always be your dad.\nChandler Bing: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn't for fun.\nMonica Geller: It wasn't fun?!\nChandler Bing: Why? Why-why-would you-Wh-why... Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.\nJack Geller: Oh, I don't think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.\nMonica Geller: The truth is, Dad, we're-we're trying.\nJack Geller: What?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.\nJack Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! I'll guard the door!\nMonica Geller: Well, that's okay dad, we-we can wait until later.\nJack Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa! I don't think so! Aren't you ovulating?\nMonica Geller: Daddy?!\nJack Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. That's how I got my bad hip.\nChandler Bing: That's funny, this conversation's how I got the bullet hole in my head.\nJack Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was.\nMonica Geller: Daddy! I don't think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.\nJack Geller: You're right, you're right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.\nMonica Geller: I don't feel good right now.\nJack Geller: But pleasure is important, and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?\nChandler Bing: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey. I need to tell you something.\nMonica Geller: Well, now's a good time. I'm on my way to have my ears cut off.\nRachel Green: Joey asked me marry him.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Joey proposed to me.\nMonica Geller: Is he crazy?! You just had Ross's baby!\nRachel Green: Well, I-I said yes.\nMonica Geller: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Ross's baby! It's-it's so inappropriate. No, it's worse than that. It's wrong. It's... It is bigger than mine!\nRachel Green: I know. Days of Our Lives, thank you very much.\nMonica Geller: You can't marry him!\nRachel Green: Why not? I don't want to do this alone! And he's such a sweet guy and he loves me so much.\nMonica Geller: Well do you love him?\nRachel Green: Sure.\nMonica Geller: Sure?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I mean whatever.\nMonica Geller: Honey, the question is...do you really want to marry Joey?\nRachel Green: No. No, I don't. Could you be a dear and go tell him?\nChandler Bing: You still haven't told Rachel you weren't really proposing?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! She had the ring on, she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out.\nChandler Bing: Joey, you have to tell her what's going on! And what did it look like?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't look at it. Stupid baby's head was blocking most of it.\nChandler Bing: Go and tell Rachel right now before Ross finds out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, it's not that easy. She said she wanted to marry me. I don't want to hurt her.\nChandler Bing: Okay, look, just do it gently.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're right. You're right. I-I'll go tell her now before Ross finds out and I'll be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there if you want to check that out.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nRoss Geller: Listen, I um... I heard about the engagement.\nRachel Green: Surprised?\nRoss Geller: And confused. Rach, sweetie, I-I um...I didn't propose to you.\nRachel Green: I know.\nRoss Geller: I don't think you do.\nRachel Green: You didn't propose to me. Joey did.\nRoss Geller: Poor baby, you're so tired. Rach, I didn't propose to you, Joey didn't propose to you, and Chandler didn't propose to you.\nRachel Green: Uh... You didn't propose to me, Chandler didn't propose to me, but Joey did.\nRoss Geller: Joey proposed to you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can come back.\nRoss Geller: Hey, wait! Wait-wait-wait! Joey, did you propose to her?\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nRachel Green: Yes you did!\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, technically, I didn't.\nRachel Green: Well then why did you give me a ring?\nRoss Geller: Wait! Whoa-whoa, you...you gave her the ring?\nJoey Tribbiani: No! No, and I did not ask her to marry me!\nRachel Green: Yes, you did!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I didn't!\nRachel Green: Yes, you did!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I didn't!\nRachel Green: Yes, you did! And don't you say, \"No, I didn't!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahhh!\nRachel Green: He was right there. He got down on one knee and proposed.\nRoss Geller: Whoa! You were down on one knee?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Yeah, that looks bad. But I didn't...I didn't propose!\nRoss Geller: Then what did happen?\nRachel Green: Yeah, what did happen?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing.\nRachel Green: Yeah, but you said, \"Will you marry me?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I didn't!\nRachel Green: Yes, you did!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I didn't!\nRachel Green: Yes, you did-Oh my God you didn't! Well then why didn't you tell me that before?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well I tried, but people kept coming in and then you took your breast out!\nRoss Geller: Whoa! Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa, you saw her breast?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll tell you about it later. Be cool.\nRachel Green: Well then Joey, what the hell were you doing with an engagement ring?!\nJoey Tribbiani: It wasn't my ring! It's Ross's ring! That's why I felt so bad Rach, because he was going to propose.\nRoss Geller: What?!\nRachel Green: You were gonna propose to me?\nRoss Geller: Uhh... No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, this is awkward.\nRoss Geller: But I-I was going to see if y'know, maybe you uh, start dating again but that-I mean that-that was all, Rach.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, step up! I proposed.\nRoss Geller: No, you didn't!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh that's right. There's a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier.\nNurse: Hey, she just woke up! She's hungry. Why don't we give this another try?\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you told her I was going to propose!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you're not going to propose!\nRoss Geller: Hey, I'm not going to rush into anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: She's doing it Look, she's breast-feeding look!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, it's beautiful.\nNurse: I'll come back for her later.\nRachel Green: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, this feels weird.\nRoss Geller: Good weird?\nRachel Green: Wonderful weird.\nJoey Tribbiani: Y'know what you guys? I'm uh, I'm gonna go too. And uh, I'm sorry about everything.\nRachel Green: Honey don't worry, it was my mistake.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, Rach, I should've told you sooner. It's just that...Man! That kid is going to town!\nRachel Green: She's perfect.\nRoss Geller: We're so lucky.\nRachel Green: We really are.\nRoss Geller: Look, I-I know it's not a proposal and I don't know where you are, but with everything that's been going on and with Emma and...I've been feeling.\nRachel Green: I know. I know. I've feeling.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Okay, well, that... Wow, okay, well, umm...then maybe, at least we can, we can talk about us again.\nRachel Green: Yeah, maybe.\nRoss Geller: Well good, okay. I-I, kind of think y'know if we...if You're wearing the ring.\nRachel Green: Wh-what's that?\nRoss Geller: And you told Phoebe you were engaged.\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, what?\nRoss Geller: When you thought Joey proposed did...did you say yes?\nJack Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant.\nMonica Geller: Hey dad!\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nJack Geller: Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? Thank you."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: You said you'd marry Joey?\nRachel Green: Okay you have to realize, I was exhausted, I was emotional, I would have said yes to anybody. Like that time you and I got married! I'm not helping.\nRoss Geller: So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?\nRachel Green: That is right and traditionally the daddy is supposed to give the mummy a present but I am prepared to let that go.\nRoss Geller: So when I came in here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again, you were engaged to my best friend.\nRachel Green: Well-Really? I thought Chandler was your best friend.\nRoss Geller: Well, Chandler's my oldest friend, but Joey's my-No! Ah!\nRachel Green: Ooooo!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey you guys I'm gonna take off. I just wanted to let you guys know, say goodbye.\nRoss Geller: Rachel said she'd marry you?!\nJoey Tribbiani: This isn't the right room, sorry folks.\nMonica Geller: Ok, I don't wanna be negative so I'll say that most of the signs you bought are good.\nPhoebe Buffay: No they ran out of \"It's a girl\" but I can fix this one, See?\nMonica Geller: So sexy. Honey.\nChandler Bing: Yea yea.\nMonica Geller: Honey why don't you go lie down.\nChandler Bing: No, no, Ross and Rachel will be back soon and then I gotta go to the office Am I producing them?\nJoey Tribbiani: Why're you so tired?\nChandler Bing: Couldn't sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldn't sleep. Y'know? I was like, if I fall asleep now I'll get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now I'll get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldn't fall asleep.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what you should've done, you should have told yourself that little story.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nEveryone: Hi, welcome home!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe did the signs!\nRachel Green: Oh you guys thanks for doing this.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look at all the stuff people sent!\nRachel Green: Oh Ah! Oh my gosh there's something every mother needs, a giant stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment! What are people think... Oh you guys I love it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey so where's Ross?\nRachel Green: He's downstairs getting the rest of the stuff out of the cab.\nJoey Tribbiani: Is he still mad at us?\nRachel Green: Well, you more then me, but he can't stay to mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's not fair! I can't do that.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm not so sure you should be here when he comes up.\nJoey Tribbiani: See this is what I was afraid of, I didn't think I should be here either but somebody said he'd be over it by now.\nChandler Bing: Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.\nMs. Mckenna: The numbers we are seeing New York, Chicago, and London are consistently solid, but many of our officers have reported disappointing fields.\nMs. Mckenna: Boston is down, Atlanta is down, Houston is down, I could go on and on but instead of boring you I'll go straight to my forty two point plan.\nChandler Bing: Walter .\nPhoebe Buffay: She's just so cute! I just wanna bite her ear off and use it and a sucking candy.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe! But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a pita pocket.\nRoss Geller: Okay I put most of the stuff away.\nRachel Green: Oh great, the pacifiers?\nRoss Geller: In the closet.\nRachel Green: The burping clogs?\nRoss Geller: Linen closet.\nRachel Green: The diapers?\nRoss Geller: In the hospital.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow you guys got a hospital? Fancy!\nRoss Geller: No I left the diapers at the hospital! There's some in the bag but I'll run out and get some more.\nRachel Green: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?\nRoss Geller: Sure what kind?\nRachel Green: Umm let me think...What do I want, what d-o I w-a-n-t...\nRoss Geller: Please take your time, it's an important decision. Not like, say, I know! deciding to marry someone, this is about a muffin.\nRachel Green: Blueberry.\nRoss Geller: Blueberry it is.\nRachel Green: Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Wow, he's really not letting this go, is he?\nRachel Green: God how long do you think that's gonna last?\nPhoebe Buffay: I dunno, well he got over the \"We were on a break\" thing really quickly.\nRachel Green: Y'know I can't even worry about that right now, cause I got the cutie little baby, oh I can't believe how much I love her, I can't get enough of her, like right now I miss her. I actually miss her.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know that's... that's her.\nRachel Green: Oh god look at her sleeping. Oh, I love her so much! Oh, I think I'm gonna wake her up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, Rach, no no, you know you're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby.\nRachel Green: Well I can do whatever I want! I made her! Come on little girl, hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can say I told you so but she's kinda doing that for me.\nRachel Green: Oh I'm sorry mummy's so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep.\nMonica Geller: Breaks your heart doesn't it.\nPhoebe Buffay: It really does... how long do you think we have to stay?\nMs. Mckenna: Ok if everyone's on board, it's settled, Chandler, Chandler?\nChandler Bing: Yep.\nMs. Mckenna: Are you on board?\nChandler Bing: Yes.\nMs. Mckenna: Then, problem solved. Chandler will be running our office in Tulsa. You're gonna love Oklahoma.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, alright, we already tried feeding her, changing her, burping her, oh try this one! Go back in time and listen to Phoebe!\nMonica Geller: Alright here's something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nMonica Geller: It worked!\nRachel Green: Oh oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it won't stop crying.\nMonica Geller: Umm, she Rach, not it, she.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm not so sure.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, I am losing my mind.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, no kidding, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hey Gunther, can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go?\nGunther: Diapers huh?\nRoss Geller: Yep.\nGunther: So I guess Rachel had you baby?\nRoss Geller: Yep, can you believe it?\nGunther: Nope! I still can't believe she slept with you in the first place.\nRoss Geller: Huh? Ooh you mean like a... Huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. Ross, I know you're pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.\nRoss Geller: Ah actually we don't.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine, fine okay. But I gotta say technically, I didn't even do anything wrong.\nRoss Geller: What! You didn't do anything wrong?!\nJoey Tribbiani: I said I didn't technically.\nRoss Geller: Okay let's put aside that you \"accidentally\" picked up my grandmothers ring and you \"accidentally\" proposed to Rachel.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, can I just stop you right there for a second? When people do this I don't really know what that means. You were saying?\nRoss Geller: And I can even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel, but why couldn't you tell me, huh? You had all day to and you didn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know I should've. \"I'm sorry.\"\nRoss Geller: Not using it right, Joe.\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna go.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, come on Ross! Look, Ross, we have to get past this.\nRoss Geller: Give me the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, look, I don't know what else to do. I said I'm sorry!\nRoss Geller: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: You should scream at me, or-or-or curse me, or hit me.\nRoss Geller: I'm not gonna hit you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not? You'll feel better! I'll feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.\nRoss Geller: No I don't.\nJoey Tribbiani: A little bit.\nRoss Geller: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Little bit.\nRoss Geller: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: A little bit more.\nRoss Geller: Give me the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, hit me.\nRoss Geller: Give me the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me.\nRoss Geller: Joey, give me the bag.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me!\nRoss Geller: Joe I'm not kidding.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me, hit me.\nRoss Geller: No!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hit me! Hit me!\nRoss Geller: You ducked!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! It was a reflex!\nRoss Geller: Oh my god, this really hurts!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I couldn't help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look!\nRoss Geller: What is the matter with you?!?\nJoey Tribbiani: You were supposed to duck!!! Why didn't you duck?\nRoss Geller: Why don't we talk about this on the way to the hospital?\nJoey Tribbiani: Good, good yeah, maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes. \"Oops.\"\nMonica Geller: Try feeding her again.\nRachel Green: I already fed her.\nMonica Geller: I know, that's why I said again!\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright you guys, we can't turn on each other, Okay? That's just what she wants.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nMonica Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Monica can I talk to you outside for a minute?\nRachel Green: Oh no, you guys, just stay here, I'm gonna go check her diaper, Pheebs you wanna come?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh I'm kinda part of this.\nChandler Bing: Actually Pheebs its more of a husband and wife kinda thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: I knew I should have married Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Okay what's up.\nChandler Bing: Umm, you know how we always said that it would be fun to move to Paris for a year? You know, you could study French cooking and I could write and we could take a picnic along the Seine and go wine tasting in Bordeaux?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah .\nChandler Bing: Okay, you know how that people say that Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma?\nMonica Geller: What? Who says that?\nChandler Bing: People who've never ever been to Paris.\nMonica Geller: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: We're moving to Tulsa!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: Okay, Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss, she asked me to move to Tulsa and be the president of our office there, and I was sleeping and apparently, said yes.\nMonica Geller: Tulsa, Oklahoma!\nChandler Bing: The Sooner State, whatever that is.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, I don't even wanna see the musical Oklahoma!\nChandler Bing: Really? Oh What A Beautiful Morning! Surrey With A Fringe On Top.\nMonica Geller: Are you trying to tell me that we're moving to Oklahoma, or that you're gay? All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?\nChandler Bing: No, no, but they are going to lease us a Ford Focus. I'll get out of it.\nMonica Geller: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: What is wrong with Emma?\nMonica Geller: Oh she misunderstood, she thought she was moving to Tulsa.\nChandler Bing: Umm ma'am, do you have a minute? I kind of have some bad news. I don't think I can move to Tulsa.\nMs. Mckenna: What?\nChandler Bing: It's a funny story, actually. I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning so when I said I'd move to Tulsa, I didn't really know what I was saying.\nMs. Mckenna: You fell asleep?\nChandler Bing: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, ain't that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright . See, here's the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she won't go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is Italy-Please don't make me go there!\nMs. Mckenna: Chandler, I.\nChandler Bing: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! That's a picture of your daughter, isn't it, well she's lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. I'll call you from Tulsa.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, so how is it?\nRoss Geller: I broke my thumb.\nJoey Tribbiani: Your thumb? That's weird. You sure you're punching right? Make a fist. Maybe later. Ross I feel terrible.\nRoss Geller: You know what, you can go, I just have to fill out some forms.\nJoey Tribbiani: You, you want me to help you with that?\nRoss Geller: Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my misshapen claw?\nJoey Tribbiani: Name? I know Ross but what's it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.\nRoss Geller: Just Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's pretty, Okay date of birth?\nRoss Geller: You know my birthday.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, May...tember.\nRoss Geller: October 18th.\nJoey Tribbiani: Occupation? Dinosaurs.\nRoss Geller: Actually I'm a palian... Dinosaurs is fine... the drawing is not.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, who do you want as your emergency contact?\nRoss Geller: Ah, Rachel I guess.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, relationship, boy this could take a while.\nRoss Geller: Just ah... just put roommate.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, you guys are more then that! I mean, you're gonna get together right?\nRoss Geller: I don't think that we are.\nJoey Tribbiani: But you two were supposed to be together.\nRoss Geller: Well, I thought so too, but then she said she'd marry you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, Ross, that didn't mean anything! She just had the baby, she was all freaked out about doing it alone, she would have said yes to anybody.\nRoss Geller: Yeah that's what she said.\nJoey Tribbiani: So?\nRoss Geller: So I don't wanna be just anybody.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow.\nRoss Geller: You know what, it's, it's better this way anyway. I mean I don't know what I was thinking, going down that road again with us. It's just much easier if we're just friends who have a kid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you're Okay with that?\nRoss Geller: Yes. I mean, it's what we always planned. And if you have a plan, you should stick to it. That's why they call them plans. Hello? I'm fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, for what it's worth, with Rachel I don't think you'll ever be just \"anybody.\"\nRoss Geller: Hey there you go!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"Thanks.\"\nRachel Green: Oh my God! How long has she been crying?\nMonica Geller: About a week and a half.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so I'm just gonna go. No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right!\nMonica Geller: Rach, try holding her a different way.\nRachel Green: You guys, I'm doing the best I can, anyone else is welcome to try.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, I'll try, fine! Yes, Okay!\nRachel Green: Here you go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Shh! Nothing works with this child!\nRachel Green: Oh god what am I gonna do you guys, I can't even comfort my own baby! I'm the worst mother ever!\nMonica Geller: You're just new at this, it'll get better, think about your first day at work. I mean, that couldn't have been easy but you figured that out.\nRachel Green: Yeah I don't think dressing provocatively is going to help me here! Oh my god just please take her.\nMonica Geller: Okay I'll take her, here.\nRachel Green: I have to go to the bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: I have to go scream into a pillow.\nMonica Geller: Bouncy baby, Bouncy baby, Ooh baby baby, Ooh baby baby, Ooh baby baby.\nPhoebe Buffay: Have I gone deaf?\nMonica Geller: It worked! Ooh baby baby baby, ooh baby baby baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: You must be a fireball in bed.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe it! She's asleep! I got her to go to sleep! I have actual magical powers!\nPhoebe Buffay: I can hear traffic and birds! I can hear the voices in my head again! I'm kidding.\nRachel Green: Oh my God! You got her to stop crying!\nMonica Geller: Yes I did, I'm Monica, Super Aunt.\nRachel Green: You are the official baby crier stopper!\nMonica Geller: Yes I am!!\nRachel Green: You're never leaving the apartment!\nMonica Geller: Say what?\nRachel Green: That's your new job, day and night, she starts crying I need you here.\nMonica Geller: Oh no no no no!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thankfully you don't need me at all so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel let's give it six to eight months .\nRachel Green: Okay so listen I'm gonna go lay down.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRachel Green: You know the book says that whenever she's sleeping I should be sleeping so...\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Shhh! We just got her to go to sleep.\nChandler Bing: Oh so there can't be any yelling.\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: We're moving to Tulsa.\nMonica Geller: What!?\nChandler Bing: Shhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shhhhh! I can't, I can't hear you.\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nRachel Green: Heeeeey, where have you been? What happened to you?\nRoss Geller: Ah I had a little thing with Joey, if you think this is bad you should see him.\nRachel Green: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nRachel Green: You know what I really really want?\nRoss Geller: What, Rach?\nRachel Green: I wanna sleep, I wanna eat, I wanna take a shower, I mean before she wakes up and we gotta do this all over again.\nRoss Geller: Right.\nRachel Green: I mean I got news for you mister, Emma? Not easy.\nRoss Geller: Well, that's what I'm here for. Want me to get that?\nRachel Green: No its really okay... Monica!\nMonica Geller: Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it! Got it!\nJoey Tribbiani: You know, ah, I've been thinking about this and I gotta tell ya, it's not my fault. It's a natural instinct.\nChandler Bing: Hey, what you guys talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this?"}
{"text": "Rachel Green: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey! So what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?\nChandler Bing: Okay, our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa , so as of Monday I'm being officially relocated.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nRachel Green: What?!\nRoss Geller: Monday?!\nJoey Tribbiani: How long do you have to go for?\nChandler Bing: They said it could be up to a year.\nJoey Tribbiani: A year?!\nRachel Green: Do you have to go?\nMonica Geller: I kind of have to don't I? Because of this stupid thing.\nChandler Bing: There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa. Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.\nJoey Tribbiani: We were gonna go see the Jets!\nRoss Geller: You can't go, I mean you're the glue that holds this group together!\nChandler Bing: Really?\nRoss Geller: Not you.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you guys are moving.\nPhoebe Buffay: I call their apartment!!!\nEveryone: No!!! Ah!! Ahh!!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Here you are.\nRachel Green: Thank you Joey. You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.\nRoss Geller: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.\nRachel Green: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.\nJoey Tribbiani: \nRachel Green: Every time?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhuh.\nRoss Geller: Rach, you don't have to call whenever you have a little question, okay? Trust me, I know this.\nRachel Green: All right, I trust you.\nRoss Geller: Rachel, I can see you dialing! I don't understand why...\nRachel Green: I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?\nJoey Tribbiani: \nPhoebe Buffay: It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. It's just so grown up.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up. Person named Wiener, God that kills me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Look at you all grown up.\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, you know what? I am. That whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship. You know? Like I'd like to meet a nice mature commitment-minded lady. And looks aren't as important as...Nah, she's gotta be hot.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, I might know somebody. Hey, how about you set me up with someone, and we double date!\nJoey Tribbiani: I can do that, yeah. How is Friday?\nPhoebe Buffay: Done. Oh good, really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: Let's see! Oh, you know who's great? Sandy Poophack.\nJoey Tribbiani: Poophack...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... All right, well that rules out Lana Titweiller.\nJoey Tribbiani: \nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: I've got good news!\nMonica Geller: You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?\nChandler Bing: Okay, I have news. You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job.\nMonica Geller: It's great! How? Chandler. Well my boss and I worked out a deal where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week, so the other three I can be here with you.\nMonica Geller: So you're gonna be gone four days a week? No.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?\nMonica Geller: No. I can't be away from you for that long.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, you're my husband. I'm not gonna live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.\nChandler Bing: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa.\nMonica Geller: Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you're going to Tulsa, I wanna go with you.\nChandler Bing: Hey, you said that without gagging!\nMonica Geller: I know!\nRachel Green: Excuse me? Oh yeah? Well, up yours too!\nRoss Geller: Who the hell was that?!\nRachel Green: Dr. Wiener.\nRoss Geller: Rach, you can't call people at three in the morning.\nRachel Green: Oh you know what, you sound just like his wife!\nRoss Geller: Was there anything you did wrong with Emma?\nRachel Green: Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane!\nRoss Geller: Well, what was it?\nRachel Green: Hiccups.\nRoss Geller: Rach, I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.\nRachel Green: Yeah well, not anymore I can't. He fired us! What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name?\nRoss Geller: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.\nRachel Green: Argh! Why does everything happen to me?!\nRoss Geller: Rach, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.\nRachel Green: What? What, do you mean you're not feeling well? What do you have? Is it Rubella? Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.\nRoss Geller: You know? Come to think of it, it does feel Rubella-like!\nRachel Green: Wiener, Wiener Wiener, Wiener!!!\nRoss Geller: Rachel!!!\nRachel Green: Great! Now he's gonna know it was me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: So how is this for our big double date tonight?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, great! Just the reaction I was hoping for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, so you found someone for me. You didn't forget?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes. So tell me some about my guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Come on, give me something. What's his name?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mike.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!?\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... There's no guy in there!\nRachel Green: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?\nMonica Geller: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: I know what she's talking about.\nRachel Green: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.\nMonica Geller: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?\nRachel Green: Ross said he died.\nMonica Geller: He didn't die. I saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine. Her on the other hand, botched Botox.\nRachel Green: Oh, great! Well, then I'm gonna take Emma to see him. I wonder why Ross said that he died.\nMonica Geller: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.\nChandler Bing: He saw a therapist?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare, just really freaked him out.\nRachel Green: Why? What was it?\nMonica Geller: That I was going to eat him.\nJoey Tribbiani: MIKE!!!\nMike Hannigan: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay!\nMike Hannigan: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.\nMike Hannigan: I am Mike.\nJoey Tribbiani: Atta boy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, look...\nEveryone: \nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?\nMike Hannigan: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.\nJoey Tribbiani: From school.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, we met in college. I mean, high school.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, you guys go way back then. So what are you up to these days?\nMike Hannigan: Well, I'm a lawyer.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mike, 'attorney at law'!\nMike Hannigan: Actually, I just gave up my practice.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? That's the kinda thing you usually run by me.\nMike Hannigan: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.\nMary Ellen: I thought you thought he was still a lawyer.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, that's not what I meant. Let's get you a cocktail.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.\nMonica Geller: That's so sweet. Find anything?\nChandler Bing: Slim Pickings.\nMonica Geller: Nothing, huh?\nChandler Bing: No, 'Slim Pickings', it's a barbecue restaurant. They're looking for a cook. Actually 'cook' may be a bit of a stretch. They're looking for someone to shovel mesquite.\nMonica Geller: 'Slim Pickings'...That is so cheesy.\nChandler Bing: 'So Cheesy' also has an opening.\nMonica Geller: Honey, that's okay. I actually know this woman, Nancy, who's a restaurant biz head-hunter. Maybe she'll know of something.\nChandler Bing: Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'. 'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.\nMonica Geller: Hi, Nancy. Hi, it's Monica Geller. I'm good. Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa. Well yeah, my husband has been relocated...Because I love him! No, I don't want a job in New York. Javo is looking? Oh my God! He asked for me personally? Oh my God! Oh, wow, this is really flattering, but I'm moving to Tulsa. Yeah, so if you would tell Javo 'I'll take it!'\nRachel Green: Hi, my name is Rachel Green, I have an appointment for Emma.\nReceptionist: Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient, he should be out shortly.\nDr. Gettleman: I think you just have a cold, it's definitely not Strep.\nRoss Geller: Thanks doctor.\nDr. Gettleman: Would you like a lollypop?\nRoss Geller: You even have to ask?! He is alive!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car.\nMike Hannigan: No, I didn't.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's okay Mike, I have forgiven you. And now we're friends again everything's great! Mary Ellen Wait, is your mom okay?\nJoey Tribbiani: Please, we're trying to have a conversation.\nMary Ellen: Wow, you're a lot nicer on 'Days of Our Lives'.\nMike Hannigan: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?!\nMike Hannigan: What?!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Do you not know each other?\nJoey Tribbiani: Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?\nMike Hannigan: Six!\nJoey Tribbiani: What are you doing? I said seven! Argh!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because I forgot about our date, I'm so sorry.\nMike Hannigan: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.\nPhoebe Buffay: You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.\nMary Ellen: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who are you kidding? You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. Mike!! Mike!!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm out of here.\nMike Hannigan: It was nice meeting you!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're leaving too?\nMary Ellen: I'll stay if you can tell me my name.\nJoey Tribbiani: Good night!\nChandler Bing: Honey, we're leaving tomorrow you've still got a lot of packing to do.\nMonica Geller: You're right. Maybe I shouldn't go.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javo . It's just a little outside of Tulsa.\nChandler Bing: How far outside?\nMonica Geller: Manhattan.\nChandler Bing: And you're thinking of taking it? So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, me, new job.\nMonica Geller: I'm gonna miss this hand! Okay I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God Chandler, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.\nChandler Bing: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?\nMonica Geller: Well, if you really think about it, I mean four days is not that long. I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work, and I see you Thursday when you get back, and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it, it's really just one day. And well, if we can't make it one day, we've got real problems my friend.\nChandler Bing: I think you should take the job.\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.\nMonica Geller: That's the nicest anyone has ever said to me!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: How was the pediatrician?\nRachel Green: Oh, I really liked him. Yeah, it was really, really, really good.\nRoss Geller: You promised you wouldn't say anything.\nRachel Green: I know. Ross still sees his pediatrician!!! I don't care!\nMonica Geller: Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?\nRoss Geller: He's a brilliant diagnostician!\nChandler Bing: Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?\nRachel Green: Ross, seriously! You've gotta go to an appropriate doctor.\nRoss Geller: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!'\nChandler Bing: Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your touchy?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college!\nChandler Bing: That was not a security blanket! That was a wall-hanging!\nRoss Geller: It didn't spend much time on the wall!!!\nMike Hannigan: Excuse me, hi. I was hoping I would run into you. Can we talk?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure.\nMike Hannigan: I'm sorry, really, I'm so embarrassed. Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer...Apparently I'm not a funny guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why did you go along with that?\nMike Hannigan: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's true. Well, is anything you told me about yourself true?\nMike Hannigan: My name in Mike, and I do play piano.\nPhoebe Buffay: Prove it.\nMike Hannigan: There isn't a piano here.\nPhoebe Buffay: That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.\nMike Hannigan: \nPhoebe Buffay: You are really good! I play a little guitar myself.\nMike Hannigan: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhuh.\nMike Hannigan: That's great. What kind of music do you play?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, like acoustic folksy stuff. You know? But right now I'm working on a couple 'Iron Maiden' covers.\nMike Hannigan: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...\nPhoebe Buffay: It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.\nMike Hannigan: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?\nJoey Tribbiani: \nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at this. My two best friends!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.\nReceptionist: The doctor will be right with you sir.\nGirl: Mommy, I can't find Waldo.\nRoss Geller: With the circus? He's behind the elephant.\nWoman: Wow, so your child is a big fan of the Waldo books too?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's how I know. I'm Ross by the way.\nSally: Hi, I'm Sally. So, no ring. Can I assume you are also a single parent?\nRoss Geller: I am a single parent.\nSally: It's hard isn't it? There's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where are you gonna meet someone?\nRoss Geller: Well, let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.\nNurse: Rossy, we're ready for you.\nRoss Geller: Hmm, yeah. Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.\nBoy: Mommy.\nGirl: Mommy, what's wrong with that man?\nRoss Geller: Hey, I helped you find Waldo!\nRoss Geller: Oh good, you haven't left yet.\nMonica Geller: Where have you been?\nRoss Geller: I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office. There was some guy that freaked everybody out.\nChandler Bing: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy.\nRoss Geller: Oh man.\nMonica Geller: Promise to call me when you land.\nChandler Bing: Of course I will call you. I love you.\nMonica Geller: I love you too.\nRachel Green: Okay, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Awww. Bye!\nRachel Green: Bye honey.\nChandler Bing: What's the matter Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.\nChandler Bing: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, you see right thru me!!\nChandler Bing: Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, bye-bye! Good trip!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, wait. It goes: Old job, new job, you. This is just something I have to do.\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: I love you so much.\nChandler Bing: I know that too.\nChandler Bing: Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.\nJoey Tribbiani: Double promise? Call me when you land.\nMonica Geller: Can I talk now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, bye.\nMonica Geller: Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: He had to board."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh hey Ross oh I'm so glad someone's here could you zip me up?\nRoss Geller: sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you. Can you believe no-one between my apartment and here offered to do that for me?\nRoss Geller: people so why you all dressed up.\nPhoebe Buffay: oh umm Mike's picking me up for a date.\nRoss Geller: oh yea now um how is that going, is it getting serious?\nPhoebe Buffay: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market.\nRoss Geller: you know I really admire your whole dating attitude, it's so healthy I'm always like is this moving to fast? Is this moving to slow? Where's this going?\nPhoebe Buffay: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen.\nRoss Geller: but you, your so much better off you just go from guy to guy having fun and never worrying that it terns into anything serious.\nPhoebe Buffay: I wouldn't say never, you know there's that guy well what about ok well there's gotta be someone.\nRoss Geller: There isn't that's what I'm saying.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god you're right.\nRoss Geller: I know and yet here you are all ready for the next date.\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god what's wrong with me.\nRoss Geller: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.\nPhoebe Buffay: I wanna get married.\nRoss Geller: please don't cry because of me pheebs I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been divorced three times.\nPhoebe Buffay: least you've been married, OH MY GOD! I wanna trade lives with Ross.\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe what's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry I didn't catch.\nMike Hannigan: its Mike Hanagen.\nRoss Geller: Oh Ross Geller.\nMike Hannigan: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.\nPhoebe Buffay: uh huh how do I look.\nRoss Geller: do you have a compact in your purse?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRoss Geller: you look great.\nMonica Geller: : hey Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, this girl won't turn around and I can't tell whether she's hot or not, what do you think?\nMonica Geller: : Joey I am not going to objectify woman with you but if her face is as nice as her ass woah mamma.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright thanks, Oh hey have you talked to Chandler?\nMonica Geller: : yeah he has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.\nJoey Tribbiani: how come?\nMonica Geller: : he has to work, there's some rush on the big ah damn it one of these days I'm really gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job.\nJoey Tribbiani: oh why don't you fly out there and surprise him.\nMonica Geller: : maybe I will go yea will have a second honeymoon at the Tulsa romana.\nJoey Tribbiani: oh and you know what you should bring the black see-through teddy with the attached garters.\nMonica Geller: : how do you know I have one of those?\nJoey Tribbiani: didn't till just now.\nJoey Tribbiani: hot not hot Hot!\nHayley: excuse me?\nJoey Tribbiani: I said I think you're hot and now I'm embarrassed.\nHayley: oh I thought you said Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: that would've been better, I'll try that Hi I'm Joey.\nHayley: I'm Hayley.\nJoey Tribbiani: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses.\nGunther: HA!\nJoey Tribbiani: gesundheit.\nHayley: I would love to go out with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: really, great, did I actually ask you?\nHayley: no that's just where you were going I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this very a lot.\nGunther: HA!\nJoey Tribbiani: seriously Gunther you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE!\nRoss Geller: so how'd the date go?\nPhoebe Buffay: well it was awful every time I thought about what you said I started crying.\nRoss Geller: So he hasn't called?\nPhoebe Buffay: would you call this girl? thanks-fo-r-a-love-ly-even-ing.\nRoss Geller: now I feel terrible this is all my fault.\nPhoebe Buffay: well you not what you should feel terrible about, this could have been my serious guy he was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?\nRoss Geller: We are a rare breed.\nHayley: what a great dinner.\nJoey Tribbiani: yeah and hey thanks again for letting me having that last piece of cake at the restaurant.\nHayley: your welcome again, I'm gonna make some coffee can I get you anything?\nJoey Tribbiani: do you have any cake? >>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.\nJoey Tribbiani: AWCH! That's why.\nRoss Geller: Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?\nMike Hannigan: Sure who are you?\nRoss Geller: I'm Ross, Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse.\nMike Hannigan: Oh.\nRoss Geller: yeah I really, really need to talk to you about something.\nMike Hannigan: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?\nRoss Geller: No.\nMike Hannigan: oh it's just you have that look.\nRoss Geller: Damn super cuts!\nMike Hannigan: what's up is Phoebe ok?\nRoss Geller: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.\nMike Hannigan: that's why she was weird.\nRoss Geller: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off.\nMike Hannigan: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.\nRoss Geller: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.\nMike Hannigan: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?\nRoss Geller: of course she has. if she'd never had a serious relationship I'd go round broadcasting it like some unstoppable moron.\nMike Hannigan: but you did say it.\nRoss Geller: yes, yes I did. and I will also say what I'm about to say Vis-a-vis the following Phoebe has never had a serious relationship since her. super-serious relationship with. Vicrum.\nMike Hannigan: Vicrum?\nRoss Geller: WHAT THAT'S A REAL NAME!\nChandler Bing: Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym who am I kidding pay-per-view porn. -Cuts to Monica.\nChandler Bing: DO NOT DISTURB DO NOT DISTURB! Monica:\nMonica Geller: : is everything all right?\nChandler Bing: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise.\nMonica Geller: : I'm gonna go freshen up ok.\nChandler Bing: Ok honey. that was close. -Cut to Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nMonica Geller: : Hey Rach its me ok I just got the Chandler's room and I caught him molesting himself.\nRachel Green: Oh that couldn't have been pretty. but you know guys do that.\nMonica Geller: : yea well the weird part is... he was getting off to a shark attack show!\nRachel Green: Nooooooooo!\nMonica Geller: : Yes! Chandler Watches Shark Porn!\nRachel Green: well watching sharks? Are you sure that's what he was doing?\nMonica Geller: : do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that, believe me I know what he was doing.\nRachel Green: man sharks. I always knew there was something weird about that dude. But you promised to love him no matter what.\nMonica Geller: : what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws!\nRachel Green: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.\nMonica Geller: : Eww are you talking about my bother.\nRachel Green: yeah I didn't disguise that very well did i.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: listen to this... I went out with this girl last night and half way through our date I realized I already slept with her.\nRachel Green: so basically you've slept with all the woman in New York and now you're just going around again.\nJoey Tribbiani: well that's not even the weird part. I don't think she remembered sleeping with me.\nMonica Geller: : But you don't remember sleeping with her.\nJoey Tribbiani: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know.\nRachel Green: what, how do we know, we never slept with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: and who's fault is that.\nMonica Geller: : what's the big deal, you forgot, she forgot, maybe you were having an off night.\nJoey Tribbiani: HEY! I never have an off night ok although sometimes when I'm a little bloated I don't feel very sexy BUT EVEN THEN I'M BETTER THEN MOST!\nMonica Geller: : Honey why don't you just let it go and ask her out again.\nRachel Green: yeah your both so slutty you don't even remember who you've slept with, you're made for each other.\nJoey Tribbiani: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it OH SALT BLOATY!\nMonica Geller: : Joey, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nMonica Geller: : you don't think sharks are sexy do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. wait a minute what was the little mermaid?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's open.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY!\nRoss Geller: YAY! quick thing, I went to talk to Mike.\nPhoebe Buffay: What? Wha-wha-wha-did you do ROSS!\nRoss Geller: oh boy you got mad at that part. I went over there to tell him how great you are but you know me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I ended up telling him that.\nPhoebe Buffay: WHAT!\nRoss Geller: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.\nPhoebe Buffay: WHAT! WHY?\nRoss Geller: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship.\nPhoebe Buffay: If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend I swear to Lucifer a raber dog would be feasting on your danglers RIGHT NOW!\nRoss Geller: well Phoebe, I think you'll feel better when you know a little bit about Vicrum, His a Kite designer and he used to date Oprah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm not going along with some lie you made Ross, No I'm just gonna be honest with him.\nRoss Geller: Good yeah just be honest with him.\nPhoebe Buffay: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh.\nRoss Geller: I'll get it.\nPhoebe Buffay: ok.\nMike Hannigan: You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh yeah there's just something umm, there's something you should know Vicrum just called.\nHayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh huh, sure, yeah. How can you not remember me?\nHayley: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: How could you not remember that we slept together?\nHayley: What! When?\nJoey Tribbiani: I dunno!\nHayley: I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had sex here, here, here NOT there. Anything?\nHayley: no it's not ringing any bells.\nJoey Tribbiani: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this?\nHayley's Roommate: Hey Hayley you've really gotta fix that doorknob. Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooooooooooh, I slept with you! And you obviously remember me Hey! I still got it. so were good. I'll let myself out.\nPhoebe Buffay: .and I said Vicrum you can't just call every time you get lonely you know, you, you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel.\nMike Hannigan: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: yeah well yeah you know Emma's birth certificate might say Geller but her eyes say Mookurgee.\nMike Hannigan: that is so wrong and on top of that his a glue sniffer.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know but he call's and my heart goes to him. You know that bastard is one smooth talking free lance kite designer.\nMike Hannigan: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nMike Hannigan: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy.\nPhoebe Buffay: ok I can't do this.\nMike Hannigan: what's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward You kissed me.\nMike Hannigan: uh huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: so you don't think I'm a total freak.\nMike Hannigan: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I guess so, can I. can I think it's cool that you kiss me and also wanna kiss you again and umm, be a little concerned about the magic markers.\nMike Hannigan: Definitely.\nRoss Geller: This is Vicrum.\nChandler Bing: Hi honey I'm home!\nMonica Geller: : Hi, how was your flight?\nChandler Bing: oh it was great.\nMonica Geller: : Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. have a little surprise for you.\nChandler Bing: well, well, well it must be five in Tulsa because it's six o clock IN NY.C!\nMonica Geller: : Ok This is how much I love you.\nChandler Bing: Honey why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around.\nMonica Geller: : Is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast forward to something a little toothier.\nChandler Bing: no I'm not quite sure you got the right movie that's all.\nMonica Geller: : Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?\nChandler Bing: does what always have to be sharks.\nMonica Geller: : Honey look we can do something else, do you want me to get into the tub and thrash.\nChandler Bing: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: : sweetie it's ok, I still love you, let me be a part of this.\nChandler Bing: let ME be a part of this!\nMonica Geller: : I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. angry sharks turn you on!\nChandler Bing: no they don't.\nMonica Geller: : then why were you watching them and giving YOURSELF a treat.\nChandler Bing: OH MY GOD! When you came in I switched the channel, I was just watching regular porn.\nMonica Geller: : really?\nChandler Bing: yeah just some good old fashion girl on girl American action.\nMonica Geller: : I cannot tell you how happy that makes me!\nChandler Bing: You are an amazing wife. No really you're amazing you were actually gonna do this for me, I mean where do you find the strength and understanding over something like that.\nMonica Geller: : Im very, very drunk right now.\nJoey Tribbiani: see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?\nPhoebe Buffay: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.\nJoey Tribbiani: your right! I love my life! I actually did sleep with her."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: Oh hey you guys, I couldn't get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thursday? But that's Halloween.\nPhoebe Buffay: So?\nJoey Tribbiani: So spooky, that's all.\nRoss Geller: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! It's my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Uch, I get mad at him, but I think it's a little to soon to show my true colors.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, I would make a reservation for five, because one of us has to stay home and watch Emma. Which one of us should go to dinner?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Rachel!\nRoss Geller: Actually, um, I was thinking maybe both of us could go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yay!\nRoss Geller: Thanks, I put a lot of extra thoughts on your gift.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven't been together the six of us in such a long time.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about? We're all together right now.\nRachel Green: Um, Mon, Chandler's not here.\nMonica Geller: Oh, dear god!\nChandler Bing: Good morning everyone, it's nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? Yes, Ken is it?\nKen: That's right. Is it true, that the reason you are here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?\nChandler Bing: Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken. But yeah, that's true. Alright, let's get started, by take a look at last quarter's figures. Ah, Claudia, aren't you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses' ass?\nClaudia: I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you?\nChandler Bing: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I can't remember why. You're not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right?\nClaudia: Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. Would you like one?\nChandler Bing: Alright, lo...look. I don't smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it's fine. So you all smoke then? That's almost rude, that I'm not.\nKen: That's not true. If you don't wanna smoke ...\nChandler Bing: Ken, please! No, I can't, I can't smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me.\nKen: I'm sorry, but isn't your wife back in New York?\nChandler Bing: I always liked you, Ken.\nPhoebe Buffay: Trick or treat!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, and treat it is.\nMonica Geller: Hmhmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, so glad I changed. Almost wore my ??? outfit that can't contain my breasts.\nMonica Geller: This is not, what I'm wearing. I'm ovulating and Chandler's gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ohh. Oh wait! you guys won't be late for my dinner, will you?\nMonica Geller: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. We'll probably be the first ones there.\nPhoebe Buffay: 'kay, see you there. Happy humping! Hey...hey! Oh, wow, somebody smoked out here? Oh my god, don't people know, you're not allowed to smoke in public spaces?\nChandler Bing: Actually, in Oklahoma smoking is legal in all commune areas and offices with fewer than fifteen people.\nPhoebe Buffay: You smoked!\nChandler Bing: No! I just happened t'do a lot trivias about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called Leyhallalookoos.\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, you stink of cigarettes.\nChandler Bing: Uch, do you think, Monica is gonna be able smell it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? The woman has the nose of a bloodhound ... and the breasts of a Greek goddess.\nChandler Bing: Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm gonna go.\nChandler Bing: Okay, something to cover the smell ... Oven cleaner! Unscented!\nMonica Geller: Welcome home. I've missed you. join me in the bedroom?\nChandler Bing: No thanks, I'm good.\nMonica Geller: O-kay, so you wanna play it that way, do you?\nChandler Bing: Right. You know what? Actually I just get off the plane, so I'm feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.\nMonica Geller: You don't need a shower.\nChandler Bing: Alright, the truth is, I soiled myself during some turbulences.\nMonica Geller: What do I smell? I smell smoke. Huh-did you smoke?\nChandler Bing: Yes, but I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack...a...a carton. Three big fat cartons in two days. But it's over, I made a decision, I'm not gonna smoke anymore.\nMonica Geller: \nChandler Bing: But, those are for you.\nRoss Geller: Alright, we'll just, uh, see when you get here. Bye. Huh, that was my mom, she's stuck in terrible traffic.\nRachel Green: Okay, well that's now the third sign that I should not leave Emma.\nRoss Geller: Oh, what were the other two?\nRachel Green: Well, let's see. The first one is: I don't want to. And, you know, I'm not going.\nRoss Geller: I know, it's the first time, we're leaving the baby and ... hey, I know how hard it is for you, but ... but Emma is gonna be fine. My mom is gonna be with her. She's great with kids.\nRachel Green: She is?\nRoss Geller: Ya.\nRachel Green: What about Monica.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you only heard Monica's side of that. That little fatso was a terror.\nRachel Green: Ish. I just don't think I can bear it.\nRoss Geller: Rachel, I know that you can. And you should.\nRachel Green: Uch.\nRoss Geller: Really, it would be good for you and in fact, why don't you, why don't you go ahead to the restaurant and I will wait for my mom and then I'll meet you there.\nRachel Green: Oh-A.\nRoss Geller: No, no, really. You should go. Just go! Go! Go out! Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up the heels. Paint the town red.\nRachel Green: You need to learn some new slang.\nRoss Geller: I'm serious. C'mon, you should go. Here. No, uh-uh, just go.\nRachel Green: What ... Oh!\nRoss Geller: No! No, you know what? You , the baby's fine, now squam . Yeah, story walking.\nRachel Green: I was just going to say that I left my keys.\nRoss Geller: Oh, holy molly are we in a pickle now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Where is everyone? They're forty minutes late.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, u-uch.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm starving. I know we were coming here tonight, I ate nothing all day.\nJoey Tribbiani: What about me, he? Only had one lunch today.\nWaiter: Soo, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah, yeah um, their arrival is in the offing.\nWaiter: Right. We do have a table for two available, perhaps you would be more comfortable.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, they're comin', we're waitin' right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joseph! Thou needn't worry, they shan't be long.\nWaiter: It's just that we do have some large parties waiting.\nPhoebe Buffay: One really does have a stick up one's ass. Doesn't one?\nMonica Geller: How can you smoke in this day of age? Do you not seen that ad with a little kid walks to grandpa, it's chilling.\nChandler Bing: I messed up, it was a meeting, everybody was smoking.\nMonica Geller: So what? Don't you have any will power?\nChandler Bing: Will power? I've watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs without taking the tin foil off.\nMonica Geller: You said that was sexy!\nChandler Bing: 'kay, look: Can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again.\nMonica Geller: That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again.\nChandler Bing: You forbid me?\nMonica Geller: Mhmm.\nChandler Bing: You know, I flew a long way t see my loving wife? Is she here by the way?\nMonica Geller: Don't joke with me, okay? I'm very, very upset right now.\nChandler Bing: Oh, would you say this was the most upset you could be?\nMonica Geller: Yes.\nChandler Bing: Then, I might as well ... do this . Not really sure what to do now.\nMonica Geller: Well, I'll tell you what we're gonna do: We are already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner, so you point out put out that cigarette, we're gonna put this fight on hold and go have sex.\nChandler Bing: Fine. What!?\nMonica Geller: Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating, and when we don't do it now, we'll have to wait till next month.\nChandler Bing: You serious?\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah!\nChandler Bing: Right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking.\nMonica Geller: Huh, and no cuddling.\nChandler Bing: And no kissing your neck.\nMonica Geller: Oh good, I hate it when you do that.\nChandler Bing: And lots of kissing your neck.\nRoss Geller: Okay, well the ??? is not home.\nRachel Green: No. Uch.\nRoss Geller: Oh-oh, wait, my mother is gonna be here any minute. And she has the keys.\nRachel Green: Alright, I can't, I can't wait that long. You have to do something-knock that door down!\nRoss Geller: I would, but I bruise like a peach. Besides, y...you know, everything is gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping.\nRachel Green: What if she jumped out the bassinet?\nRoss Geller: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah jumped.\nRachel Green: Oh my god, I left the water running.\nRoss Geller: Rach you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?\nRachel Green: Ah, did I leave the stove on?\nRoss Geller: You never cooked since 1996.\nRachel Green: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.\nRoss Geller: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think ... listen, listen!\nRachel Green: Ubb.\nRoss Geller: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment.\nRachel Green: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.\nWaiter: Hello.\nWaiter: It's been an hour. ??? be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe we should just eat now.\nWaiter: You can't order until your entire party has arrived. Restaurant policy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wha-a how about this: Another table leaves, right? But there's still some food left on their place, okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eatin' that?\nWaiter: Estrangement .\nJoey Tribbiani: But it happens? I'm gotta go to the bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you can't go. No-no-no, I can't hold this table on my own. If they ask me to move, I cave.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you ask me to stay, I'll pee.\nMaitre D': Good evening, Miss. Miss? Miss? Miss!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, fine, I'll move. Alright, you don't have to manhandle me. Where? Okay. Thank you. Wach.\nJoey Tribbiani: Finally you guys made it. Pheebs, who the hell-uhuhh!\nMonica Geller: Spend more time with the tie. That'll make a baby.\nChandler Bing: Look, I can't do this. I can't make luv to you while we're fighting this way.\nMonica Geller: Oh sure, now you're Mister Sensitivity. But when you wanted to have sex right after my uncle's funeral.\nChandler Bing: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I'm not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived?\nMonica Geller: No, you're right. Mnya, we shouldn't do it like this. Huch. For what it's worth, I'm, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking. So you had a few cigarettes, not the end of the world.\nChandler Bing: Mean it?\nMonica Geller: Yah.\nChandler Bing: You are incredible. Unless, I...I'm not gonna smoke again. And if I do, I promise, I will hide it so much better from you.\nMonica Geller: D'you want to?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, let's celebrate life!\nMonica Geller: 'kay.\nRachel Green: Och, god. Oh, thank god, you're okay. I'm so sorry we left you. Mom never gonna leave you again. Never ever ever again. Uch.\nRoss Geller: Great. So let's get going?\nRachel Green: Oh no. I mean it. After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again.\nJudy Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: \"Mommy, I'm a girl, take me with you.\"\nRoss Geller: Somehow over time it got easier to be apart from you.\nChandler Bing: Uhh. You are welcome.\nMonica Geller: You know what? Let's not talk.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Uch. I am still so mad at you for smoking.\nChandler Bing: But you said you forgave me. It was just a couple of cigarettes-no big deal.\nMonica Geller: Oh, blablablabaybaybay.\nChandler Bing: Leave it.\nMonica Geller: I was just saying that because I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sex with me while we're fighting.\nChandler Bing: You tricked me to get me into bed?\nMonica Geller: That's right, I got mine.\nChandler Bing: I feel so used.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I guess they're not coming. You wanna just order?\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you. Waiter! 'lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails.\nWaiter: Er-does not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Tomato tart and which of the pastas would you recommend?\nWaiter: Oh, they're both exclus...\nPhoebe Buffay: Both it is, thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, uh, again. Can I make a special request: Can you bring everything as soon as it's ready? Appetizers, entrees, we don't care.\nWaiter: I'll just wait to put your order in.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys are over an hour late. What happened to you two?\nRoss Geller: I'm so sorry ...\nRachel Green: We got locked out of the apartment, we ...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a great story-can I eat it?\nRoss Geller: And then Rachel wasn't sure she could leave the baby.\nRachel Green: N-it wasn't easy, but it's your birthday and I did what I got to do.\nPhoebe Buffay: And that's Judy over there at the bar with Emma?\nRachel Green: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I'm not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she's doing at home and I'm being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: She spit up. Judy! She spi...Judy! Look alive, Judy! Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Thanks. Oh.\nRachel Green: Oh, ooh, everything looks delicious. What should I ha-ave? What should I have?\nJoey Tribbiani: Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman.\nRoss Geller: Y'know this ??? is incredible.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach.\nRoss Geller: Okay, I'll have the fixed salad and the duck.\nRachel Green: Yah, I'll have the soup and the salmon.\nJoey Tribbiani: And remember whatever comes up first. Okay? And hurry, because ...\nMonica Geller: Happy birthday!\nJoey Tribbiani: Son of a bitch!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wher-where have you been?\nMonica Geller: Well, we had a little fight.\nChandler Bing: I would never lie to get someone into bed.\nMonica Geller: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn't it? How d'you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.\nChandler Bing: I suppose that Monica will have the ... manipulative shrew.\nWaiter: I'll give you another minute.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew!\nRoss Geller: Rach, c'mon, Emma is fine. You're turning into an obsessive mother. Okay, you need to stop.\nRachel Green: Y'guys ever heard the story about when Rosses mom went to the beauty salon?\nChandler Bing: You mean the lully story?\nRoss Geller: Huh-huh, they already know it.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, we've been waiting for you for a long time, maybe you should order.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, it's okay, I already told the waiter what they want.\nMonica Geller: Why would you do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler, control your woman!\nRachel Green: Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast ... to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aw ... what?\nRachel Green: N-no, Emma dropped her sock.\nMonica Geller: Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town.\nRachel Green: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.\nPhoebe Buffay: 's a good toast.\nRachel Green: Could you please get her attention?\nRoss Geller: W-oa ... Mommy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, for god's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! I'm sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt the hideousness that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn't even have the courtesy to call. Well, it's too late now.\nRoss Geller: Well, ??? think that's us?\nPhoebe Buffay: well, this is, this is, this is not over! Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, what is going on with you two?\nMonica Geller: Uch, you see, I'm ovulating.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, that's what she says. But maybe you're not ovulating at all, maybe it's just a clever ruse to get me into bed.\nMonica Geller: Yes smokie, that is what it was. I just can't get enough.\nChandler Bing: You not gonna believe this: She lied! She tricked me into having sex with her.\nJoey Tribbiani: So? Did have sex, right?\nChandler Bing: What's the matter with me? Why I'm such a girl?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, that was Mike.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, hi, we're so sorry. You're totally right. We are here one hundred per cent and we love you and we are ready to start your birthday celebration.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mhuh, guys, that means the world to me. Huh, nkay, I'm gonna take off.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I'm not t-not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! Judy! Bye.\nRachel Green: Oh thank god, if Phoebe's going, can we please take Emma home?\nRoss Geller: You know, I think that's a good idea-our babysitter just pounded in another Chardonnet. Bye, y'guys.\nMonica Geller: Bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: See ya. Well, this is just us.\nMonica Geller: So, I'm, I'm probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try?\nChandler Bing: So you never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Do, do you gonna do it now?\nMonica Geller: We don't have much time. Once the egg descended the oviduct ...\nJoey Tribbiani: No-ohoh.\nMaitre D': I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nah, just me. All alone. Dinner for six for one, uh, you boys are about to see something really special.\nWaiter: How was everything, sir?\nJoey Tribbiani: Excellent. The shrew in particular was exclusive.\nWaiter: Well, I hope, you got some room left.\nWaiters: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear ...\nJoey Tribbiani: Joey! Joey.\nWaiters: ... Joey, happy birthday to you.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's the best birthday ever."}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hello? Hello?\nMonica Geller: I LOVE MY NEW JOB!\nChandler Bing: Honey, you're screaming.\nMonica Geller: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's great.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, a-a-and clean. Not just health department clean... Monica clean.\nChandler Bing: Awesome.\nMonica Geller: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met.\nMike Hannigan: This is nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know!\nMike Hannigan: You need both hands for that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I kinda do. Well, how's this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaahhh, look at you two... holding hands... huh is this getting serious? Have you not talked about it yet? Am I making you uncomfortable? If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh...? Aaaaaahhhhhh.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry... I'm sorry. It's obviously way too early for us to be... having that conversation.\nMike Hannigan: Is it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Maybe not, is it?\nMike Hannigan: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... No, not... that's gum. Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...\nPhoebe Buffay: I know Mike, why don't you keep digging?\nMike Hannigan: Oh, sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, it's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.\nMike Hannigan: It's to my apartment.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh wow, ooh! Ooh, big step for Phoebe and Mike.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, look, and I don't want you to feel like you have to give me your key just because...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, I want to.\nMike Hannigan: Oh, thank God.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... ooh... wow... Even started to think I'd never meet someone that, you know, I wanted to... do this with. Here you go.\nMike Hannigan: Is this cool, huh?\nPhoebe Buffay: It really is.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh!\nRachel Green: So I don't go back to work for another four weeks, but we would like our nanny to start right away, so that Emma could get a chance to know her.\nProspective Nanny: I think that's really smart. The easier we can make the transition for her, the better.\nRachel Green: That's great, great. So do you have any questions for us?\nProspective Nanny: Not really.\nRachel Green: Allright. Well thank you so much for coming...\nRoss Geller: Thank you.\nRachel Green: Really nice to meet you... and we'll call you.\nProspective Nanny: Oh, you know, wait. I do have one question. Do you guys do random drug testing?\nRoss Geller: Boy, we uhm... hadn't really thought of that.\nProspective Nanny: That's cool. But... but if you do, I'm gonna need three days notice.\nRachel Green: Okidoki! Wow! We're never gonna find a nanny.\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.\nRachel Green: What, the blonde with no bra?\nRoss Geller: She was blonde? Just a sec.! Okay, okay. This one's name is Sandy. She's got a degree in early childhood education, uhm... she worked for her last family for three years.\nRachel Green: Okay...\nSandy: Hi... I'm Sandy.\nRoss Geller: And she's a little mannish...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! David!\nDavid: Hi! I-i-is this a bad time?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?\nDavid: Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Who cares, it got you here.\nDavid: Well, it got me to New York anyway, and then I got on a cab at the airport, and the guy said where to? and I just... gave him your address I... I... I didn't even think about it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow. Where is your luggage?\nDavid: Damn it!\nPhoebe Buffay: A-Allright, well... I'll call the cab company.\nDavid: Wa... wa... wait! We can... call them later. Can you just... just stand there f-f-for a moment? Boy! There's an old Russian expression, uhm... it goes: Schto ya ztez vigul... ui! Roughly translated that means uhm... This thing that I'm looking at: wow!\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you! God, no! You should see me when... Oh actually, no, I look pretty good.\nDavid: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone?\nPhoebe Buffay: No...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?\nMonica Geller: Maybe he didn't give you a chance.\nPhoebe Buffay: He said: Are you seeing someone? And I said no...\nMonica Geller: Oh, well... That had been your window.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! I mean, I don't know. I was just , I was looking, I was looking in his eyes and I was just thinking: Oh my God! It's David. David's here. He's just, he's so irresistible.\nMonica Geller: Really? The scientist guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? Chandler?\nMonica Geller: Continue...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.Okay, then it gets worse, 'cause then I told him that I would see him tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! Evil! And... and... and... I like Mike so much, you know. It's just going really well. Oh my God!\nMonica Geller: Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhuh... Yeah...!, you know. And given my life long search for irony, you can imagine how happy I am.\nMonica Geller: What are you gonna do?\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean I guess, I just have to... tell David that nothing can happen between us. Unless I don't... You know, complicated moral situation, no right, no wrong...\nMonica Geller: You have to tell David!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.\nChandler Bing: Funniest guy she's ever met! I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... Save it for inside!\nMonica Geller: Heeeeeey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nChandler Bing: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.\nMonica Geller: Was your cabin pressurised?\nChandler Bing: And don't get me started on the way that people from Tulsa talk.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nChandler Bing: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?\nMonica Geller: No, it just remind me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Geoffrey, right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he came up...\nMonica Geller: Well, he did this bit... You probably had to be there, but it was Liza Minelli locked in our freezer, eating a raw chicken.\nChandler Bing: Were you there?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny...\nSandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart...\nRachel Green: Sandy, that's exactly what it is...\nRoss Geller: Are you gay?\nRachel Green: Ross!\nSandy: It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. But I am straight. I-I'm engaged actually.\nRachel Green: Oh!\nSandy: Her name is Deliah.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's pretty.\nRoss Geller: So you're just like a... guy who's a nanny?\nSandy: I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.\nRoss Geller: Okay.\nSandy: Like in my last job, I met Daniel when he was three weeks old. And I got to watch him grow into this awesome person... When I Left, I Said I'll see you soon... And he said to me: Skdandy... That was his name for me... I'll see you every day... right in...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap.\nRachel Green: Oh God, she mu... she must need her diaper changed.\nSandy: Oh, oh, I can do it for her, if you want...\nRachel Green: Oh, that would be great! I love him, I love him, I love him...\nRoss Geller: Oh, come on, Rach, he's a guy!\nRachel Green: So wh..? He's smart, he's qualified. Give me one good reason we shouldn't try him out.\nRoss Geller: Because, it's weird!\nRachel Green: Why?\nRoss Geller: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...\nRachel Green: Yes?\nRoss Geller: King?\nSandy: I er... I hope you don't mind. I used some of my home-made lotion on Emma. It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up. Plus... It keeps the hands young...\nRachel Green: Please? YES! Sandy you're hired.\nSandy: That's great! I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...\nRachel Green: Oooh... ***I really can't hear what she says*** come here.\nRoss Geller: You gotta be at least bi...\nChandler Bing: Hey! I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh. I-I don't know Chan. I'm not so good with remembering lines.\nChandler Bing: Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, right? Wh... Wh... Why are we doing this?\nChandler Bing: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously? She actually said that?\nChandler Bing: Yes! Am I crazy to be this upset?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nooooo! Being funny is your thing!\nChandler Bing: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Without that, you just got \"lame with women\".\nChandler Bing: Ye...\nMonica Geller: Hi! There you are.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fire trucks!\nDavid: Wow, you look even... more beautiful than you did yesterday.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oof...\nDavid: In fact, ehm... I going to kiss you now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, wait!\nDavid: Yeah, I-I don't, I can't get away with stuff like that. I-I-It sounded sexy in my head, so I...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, it's not that. Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.\nDavid: Oh... oh...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I should have told you.\nDavid: No... well, yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.\nDavid: Well, i-it's okay. I-I-I understand... Well, s... well, are you happy with this guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: I am happy.\nDavid: Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...\nPhoebe Buffay: Well... but David, just... I just want you to know that... that... you know... telling you this... is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.\nDavid: Well... just so you know... hearing it wasn't exactly a Vladnik carnival either... Can we at least hug goodbye?\nPhoebe Buffay: Of course, yeah. You know, a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate...\nDavid: No... no...\nPhoebe Buffay: I mean...\nDavid: In Minsk...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nDavid: ...it's uhm... i-it's two on each cheek and uhm... and one on the lips.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... In New York... it's...\nRachel Green: Oh... Oh boy... Hi...\nRoss Geller: Is everything allright?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, it's fine, it's fine. Sandy was just... was just telling me about how he proposed to his fiance and it was just sooo beautiful.\nSandy: Well, her favourite flower is the camellia. From the poem...\nRachel Green: I can't... I can't hear it again.\nSandy: You know, I can't tell it again...\nRoss Geller: And I'm fine never having heard it... Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?\nRachel Green: Yeah! Excuse me...\nRoss Geller: Do you realise that man has cried in our apartment three times...? Huh? I haven't cried that many times since I moved in.\nRachel Green: Look, Ross, he's just... Sandy is just sensitive, that's all.\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive.\nRachel Green: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... These are amazing!\nRachel Green: Sandy made Madeleines.\nRoss Geller: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks.\nRachel Green: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.\nRoss Geller: Hey... there's sensitive... and there is too sensitive.\nRachel Green: Okay, what? What is too sensitive?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hmmm... No, no... No, I can't do this. It's bad.\nDavid: But... I-I-It's nice... A-a-and... nice is good. A-a-and good is not bad, ergo, w-w-we should keep kissing.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no. No.\nDavid: But... ergo...\nPhoebe Buffay: Look David, if... if you had never left, then... yeah, we'd probably still be together right now, but... you did leave, and I-I'm with Mike and I really care about him...\nDavid: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui...\nMike Hannigan: Well... hey, the key works...!\nPhoebe Buffay: And you thanks for the face massage. Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Did Rachel tell you we hired a male nanny?\nMonica Geller: Yeah! I think that's great!\nRoss Geller: Oh really? Did she tell you he plays the recorder, recites poetry and bakes Madeleines?\nMonica Geller: Oh... How are they?\nRoss Geller: Lighter than air... But that's not the point.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really...? Guys do that...? That's... weird...\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's like a woman wanting to be a...\nRoss Geller: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?\nMonica Geller: Yes... What is the end of that sentence?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... A penis model. Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, so?\nRoss Geller: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? Do you not know Chandler?\nMonica Geller: Is that why he's acting so weird...? He's jealous...? Oh my God, that is crazy. It's not like I'm attracted to Geoffrey...\nJoey Tribbiani: So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is...\nRoss Geller: Science...? Academia...? Being a good father...?\nJoey Tribbiani: ...No...\nMonica Geller: I can't believe he's that upset about this...\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, you have to do some damage control here, okay. 'Cause he's feeling like...\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Heeeyy! Hey!\nChandler Bing: What are you guys talking about?\nRoss Geller: Uhm... Rachel and I hired a male nanny.\nChandler Bing: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...?\nChandler Bing: You know, I don't mind a... male nanny, but I do draw the line at a male wetnurse.\nMonica Geller: Ohhh, ooohhh... you are on a roll, mister!\nChandler Bing: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would have brought more pizza.\nMonica Geller: Okay, okay... Chandler you... you stop it!\nChandler Bing: What is so funny about that?\nMonica Geller: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy!\nChandler Bing: Did you tell her what we talked about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nChandler Bing: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS?\nMonica Geller: Honey, listen... You have nothing to worry about with Geoffrey.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? Is he funnier than me?\nMonica Geller: Well, you're... you're different funny... I mean, you're... you're more sarcastic a-a-and... well, he does... bits... and impressions... and... and limericks...\nChandler Bing: I do limericks... uhm... There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? That slayed me.\nRoss Geller: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Not knowing when to shut up...\nRoss Geller: Yep! That's my thing...\nMike Hannigan: So... how many guys have your key?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, no, no... It's not... it's not... i'ts not as bad as it looks... really. I was just saying goodbye to an old friend.\nMike Hannigan: Your lipstick's on his mouth.\nDavid: Oh, uh... we just uh... happen to wear the same shade.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.\nMike Hannigan: Did you uhm...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no...\nMike Hannigan: ...kiss him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, well, yeah...\nDavid: Yes, but uhm... You should know... she really likes you. I-In fact I-I-I don't think you realise j-just how lucky you are fella.\nMike Hannigan: Don't point your finger at me.\nDavid: Why? Wh-What are you going to do about it?\nMike Hannigan: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it...\nPhoebe Buffay: Stop it! Stop it, before someone gets really hurt! Here David, you should just go.\nDavid: Allright... But... if I ever do come back from Minsk... well, you just better watch out.\nMike Hannigan: Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.\nDavid: Oh, you're going to Minsk?\nMike Hannigan: Well, I might.\nDavid: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well... guys?\nDavid: Right... Goodbye Phoebe.\nMike Hannigan: Hey, what are you kidding me?\nDavid: Right-o, right-o... Take good care of her.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If you... If you want your key back, I totally understand.\nMike Hannigan: It's never gonna happen again right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Right! Never! Never! I swear!\nDavid: I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Allright! Hey, hey Ross. Check it out! Sandy taught me Hot-cross Buns.\nRoss Geller: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.\nJoey Tribbiani: Noooo... Three Blind Mice goes like this...\nRoss Geller: I swear to God...!\nSandy: Who's up for puppets?\nJoey Tribbiani: Me! I'm up for puppets!\nSandy: Well, please welcome... The Snufflebumps... Who wants to be mr. Wigglemunch and who's gonna be the Grumpus?\nRoss Geller: Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?\nSandy: Actually studies have shown that the movement and colours help their cerebral development... The whimsical characters are just for us.\nJoey Tribbiani: I wanna be mr. Wigglemunch.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God!\nSandy: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus...\nRachel Green: That was kind of rude!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sorry. Please apologise to Sandy and the Snufflebumps for me.\nRachel Green: You know, he was just doing his job...\nRoss Geller: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.\nRachel Green: Oh, come on Ross...\nRoss Geller: No! Hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I would never force you... to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with...\nRachel Green: Oh... That's true.\nRoss Geller: Thank you!\nRachel Green: Well, you're the one who wants to fire him, so you're gonna have to do it.\nSandy: So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...\nJoey Tribbiani: I am learning so much from you.\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm off to Tulsa, so if your Maitre D. friend has any funny Oklahoma jokes, tell him to e-mail me at www.hahanotsomuch.com.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you can relax. Last night at work, Geoffrey told this really sexist joke. After that, not so funny anymore.\nChandler Bing: Really...? See... that's the thing: you gotta keep it smart, people!\nMonica Geller: Okay, don't miss that flight. You know I love you.\nChandler Bing: I love you too. And... I like you as a friend.\nJoey Tribbiani: Allright. See you later!\nChandler Bing: See ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did that guy really make that joke?\nMonica Geller: Naaaa... He still kills me. Last night he had me laughing so hard, I swear... a little pee came out.\nRoss Geller: Here goes...\nRachel Green: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo.\nRoss Geller: Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.\nSandy: Oh...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, uhm... I mean, Rachel and I, think you are great... with Emma... uhm... We just feel...\nRachel Green: YOU! You feel!\nRoss Geller: I... just feel that the... the chemistry isn't right. I'm sorry. We're... we're more than happy to give you good recommendation...\nSandy: Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.\nRachel Green: Oh, damn you Geller!\nRoss Geller: Anyway, uhm...Well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings.\nSandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.\nRoss Geller: No, you know, it's uhm... nothing you did, it's... it's uhm... my issue.\nSandy: What is it...? Please...?\nRoss Geller: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.\nSandy: That's fair... Although, can I ask... why do you think that is?\nRoss Geller: Why... I... I don't know. Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?\nSandy: hmmm...\nRoss Geller: I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.\nRachel Green: Huh ha ha!\nRoss Geller: I play squash...! Anyway, uhm... I uhm... I always get the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.\nSandy: That must have been hard.\nRoss Geller: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... \"What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?\nSandy: But you are a real boy!\nRoss Geller: I know I am! ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?\nSandy: It's allright! Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out.\nRoss Geller: Here come some more...\nSandy: And what's the one kind of boat that can never, ever sink?\nJoey Tribbiani: What kind?\nSandy: A friend-ship...\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! You blow my mind...\nSandy: Oh, I gotta go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aaahh... How much do I owe you?\nSandy: Twenty bucks.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like the cheapest college ever."}
{"text": "Ross Geller: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. Yes we were! Yes we were! Come here gorgeous. Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. Big baby butt! I like big butts. I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get... Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm... My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... I'm a terrible father!\nChandler Bing: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey... hey listen... What do you guys know about investments?\nChandler Bing: How come?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.\nMonica Geller: What do you do with your money now?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I just tape it to the back of my toilet tank. I didn't say that! It's in a bank guarded by robots!\nChandler Bing: Do you have any ideas?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, yeah... This guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm. That'd be kinda cool huh? Pitchin' in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus...\nMonica Geller: Joe... Emus are birds. You raise them for meat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! Right! People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: \"Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird.\" Or... or maybe just a wing or...\nMonica Geller: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. That's right, I know some stuff!\nJoey Tribbiani: Real estate, huh? Hmmm...\nMonica Geller: Oh, and you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard!\nChandler Bing: Oh, and you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!\nMonica Geller: My dad told me. They play golf together.\nChandler Bing: Oh, well... Maybe I'll join them some time. I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the moustache off his face.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen! You have to help me pick a dress 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight!\nMonica Geller: Wow, the boyfriend's parents! That's a big step.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? That hadn't occurred to me.\nMonica Geller: They just gonna love you, just be yourself.\nPhoebe Buffay: They live on the upper east side on Park Avenue!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, she can't be herself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, so... allright... Which dress? You can say \"neither\".\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry honey, but we're gonna take you shopping. It's gonna be fine.\nRachel Green: Yeah, totally! You are in such good hands. And I'm so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit, but not in a gross way. Just kind of like: \"Oh mr. Pincer, I can see where Wallis gets his good looks...\"\nMonica Geller: You went out with Wallis Pincer?\nRachel Green: Uh, he took the SAT's for me.\nMonica Geller: I knew you didn't get a 1400!\nRachel Green: Ssshyeah, well, duh! I mean...\nPhoebe Buffay: So... now... What about with Mike's mom?\nRachel Green: Oh, with the mother, just... just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. Take it from me, moms love me. Ross's mom one time actually said I'm like the daughter that she never had.\nMonica Geller: She said WHAT?\nPhoebe Buffay: That's she's like the daughter she never had. Listen!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nRachel Green: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so nervous, it's so sweet!\nRoss Geller: Guess what? I made Emma laugh today.\nRachel Green: You WHAT? And I missed it? Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and it was uhm... it was like a real little person laugh too. It was... it was like uhm... Only... only not creepy.\nRachel Green: Well... well, what did you do to make her laugh?\nRoss Geller: I uhm... Well, I sang... well actually I rapped... Baby Got Back...\nRachel Green: You WHAT? You sang... to our baby daughter... a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?\nRoss Geller: But you know what, if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy uhm... body image... because... even big butts or uhm... juicy doubles.\nRachel Green: owwwww...\nRoss Geller: Please don't take her away from me!\nCatherine: Oh hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.\nChandler Bing: So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? Choked on his own moustache?\nCatherine: Actually, he is buying a much bigger place. It's got a great view of Central Pa...\nChandler Bing: mmm That's enough about you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Is there anything we should know about the apartment?\nCatherine: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here...\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, no, no, NO! No, no... we're not together. We're not a couple. We're definately not a couple.\nCatherine: Oh... Okay, sorry!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?\nChandler Bing: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! You don't think he's here, do you?\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... Yeah, I could see it.\nChandler Bing: Look at these videos. You know, I mean, who does he think he is? Magnum Force, Dirty Harry, Cool Hand Luke... Oh my God!\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nChandler Bing: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... Wait a minute... This says Monica... And this is Richard's apartment...\nChandler Bing: Get there faster!\nMike Hannigan: Wow! You look like... like my mom.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm wearing pantyhose!\nMike Hannigan: Great! Come on in!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you! Oh... Oh my God, you're RICH!\nMike Hannigan: No, my parents are rich.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, so... They gotta die someday. HELLO!\nMike Hannigan: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Theodore... Bitsy... What a delight!\nBitsy Hannigan: It's so nice to finally meet you!\nPhoebe Buffay: And you... Your home is lovely.\nBitsy Hannigan: Well thank you, I'll give you a tour later. It's actually three floors.\nPhoebe Buffay: Holy crap!\nBitsy Hannigan: Phoebe, why don't you come in the living room and meet our friends?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, try and stop me!\nMike Hannigan: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm trying to get your parents to like me.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: Got it! It... It's hard to stop...\nMike Hannigan: Well, come on...\nTheodore: Phoebe, these are our friends, Tom and Sue Angle.\nBitsy Hannigan: Phoebe, come sit. Tell us a little bit about yourself... So where are you from?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... So... where does everyone summer?\nPhoebe Buffay: God! God! This is not going well.\nMike Hannigan: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, okay, okay, okay... Still sure about me being myself?\nMike Hannigan: Absolutely! Or maybe just a little less pimp spit.\nPhoebe Buffay: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...\nTheodore: Oh... Well...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... And that physique! You must work out all the time...\nTheodore: Oh no, not all the time... I do the best I can...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I bet! Look out!\nTheodore: OH! OWWWWW!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, are you okay?\nTheodore: I recently had surgery.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm so sorry!\nTheodore: No, I'll be fine... I just should check the stitches...\nPhoebe Buffay: I really, really am sorry.\nTheodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach?\nMike Hannigan: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes... I'm sorry, I've never met a boyfriends parents before...\nMike Hannigan: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah okay... yeah, your mom... okay... She looks nice, I can talk to her.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... Oh Bitsy, hi. Uhm... listen I just wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.\nBitsy Hannigan: Well, not at all...\nPhoebe Buffay: Also uhm... I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.\nBitsy Hannigan: Thank you, I think so too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, and you know, it really is a testament to how he was raised. Especially to you. Because he's very respectful of women.\nBitsy Hannigan: Is he really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.\nBitsy Hannigan: E-e-excuse me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...\nBitsy Hannigan: That's... my boy.\nMike Hannigan: Awesome!\nChandler Bing: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey dude, what's up?\nChandler Bing: Don't judge me, I'm only human!\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you take that tape?\nChandler Bing: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know. Who'm I'm married to?\nChandler Bing: Some girl...!?\nJoey Tribbiani: She hot?\nChandler Bing: Yeah...!?\nJoey Tribbiani: How did she get me to settle down?\nChandler Bing: Allright, I'm gonna watch it... I mean look, it's probably not even what I think it is... And even if it is... It can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head... Can it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Guess I don't know. My experience: if a girl says yes to being taped... She doesn't say no to much else, I tell ya...\nChandler Bing: Then you're gonna have to watch it for me.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Whoo... What?\nChandler Bing: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame...\nChandler Bing: Why am I hearing cheering?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well it's okay, its like... its just a football game.\nChandler Bing: Football? Just football?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, see... you were all worried for nothing.\nChandler Bing: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... What the... What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't wanna see what I just saw!\nMonica Geller: What are you guys doing? Oh my God, is that Richard?\nRachel Green: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo...\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Oh you missed it. She was laughing. Oh it was amazing. It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound that...\nRoss Geller: Oh I know, isn't it? Ooh... what'd you do to get her to laugh?\nRachel Green: Oh! You know, I just... couple of things I tried ... I just sang a little doo... Itsy Bitsy Spider...\nRoss Geller: You sang Baby Got Back didn't you?\nRachel Green: Nothing else worked. That girl is all about the ass...\nPhoebe Buffay: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Pervert Parade?\nMike Hannigan: No...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Ode To A Pubic Hair?\nMike Hannigan: Stop!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God! Is that veal?\nMike Hannigan: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.\nBitsy Hannigan: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe you don't have to eat...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... Hmmm... yummy Hmmm...\nMike Hannigan: So...? What do you think?\nMonica Geller: So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment?\nChandler Bing: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!\nMonica Geller: That tape was never meant to be seen by... Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later.\nMonica Geller: Why in the world would you take this tape and and why would you watch it?\nChandler Bing: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.\nMonica Geller: Is all this about you not being able to grow a moustache?\nChandler Bing: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.\nMonica Geller: Isn't that sad? I mean, can you see how pathetic that is? You shouldn't be jealous. You should feel bad for him.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, this is not our problem. We've got each other. That's all that matters.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, oh, but I just keep picturing you rolling around with him with your cowboy boots in the air...\nMonica Geller: Cowboy boots? I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life!\nChandler Bing: Oh, good, good. Play more, 'cause I wanna see how it ends.\nMonica Geller: THAT'S NOT ME!\nChandler Bing: What...? That's not you! Life is good again! Ride 'em cowgirl!\nMonica Geller: That bastard taped over me!\nChandler Bing: Is that a problem?\nMonica Geller: I-It's just so insulting! Big spring for a new blank tape, Doctor!\nTheodore: I can't imagine what he sees in her.\nBitsy Hannigan: She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. Oh, hello dear...\nMike Hannigan: Hey, what's going on?\nBitsy Hannigan: We were just chit-chatting. How's your friend?\nMike Hannigan: A little better.\nBitsy Hannigan: By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter Jen.\nTheodore: You remember her Michael, she's lovely and... well behaved and... single.\nMike Hannigan: I'm not interested.\nBitsy Hannigan: Oh, please darling, let's be honest. You can have all the... sailor fun you want with that one, but... let's be real...\nMike Hannigan: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...\nBitsy Hannigan: Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth!\nMike Hannigan: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...\nBitsy Hannigan: The woman you what?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... The woman you what?\nMike Hannigan: The woman I love... I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you too...\nMike Hannigan: You do?\nPhoebe Buffay: YEAH...! How great is this...?\nMike Hannigan: Wanna get out of here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMike Hannigan: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.\nPhoebe Buffay: I had a great time. It was really top drawer. And Here's Something Rich thirteen bathrooms in this place... I threw up in the coat closet... Ta taaa...\nRoss Geller: She sweat, wet. got it going like a turbo 'vette.\nRachel Green: So fellas.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: fellas.\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: has your girlfriend got the butt?\nRoss Geller: Hell yeah!\nRachel Green: So shake it!\nRoss Geller: Shake it!\nRachel Green: Shake it!\nRoss Geller: Shake it!\nRachel Green: Shake that nasty butt...\nRoss Geller: Baby got back.\nRachel Green: One more time from the top... I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other br...\nRoss Geller: Rachel please! That is so inappropriate!"}
{"text": "Monica Geller: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?\nChandler Bing: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today?\nMonica Geller: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.\nChandler Bing: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.\nMonica Geller: What if something gets broken, they're so expensive.\nChandler Bing: What is the point of having them if we never use them?\nMonica Geller: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over..\nChandler Bing: I will explain it to her.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen.\nJoey Tribbiani: wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap.\nTv Announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK.\nChandler Bing: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo!\nTv Announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm. Oh! Stupid long sleeves.\nChandler Bing: What are you going to do?\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said \"Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani.\" Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.\nChandler Bing: Well you proved them wrong.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Ross and Rachels Apartment.\nRachel Green: Oh Emma. This is going to be your first Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Mommy's bobbies.\nRoss Geller: A lot of people are thankful for those.\nWoman At Door: Hello? Rachel?\nRachel Green: Who is it?\nWoman At Door: It's your favorite sister. Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill? Woman at door in a sing song voice: Amy.\nRachel Green: Hide my rings.\nRachel Green: Oh. Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.\nAmy Green: Do you have a hair straightener?\nRachel Green: Um... hi.\nAmy Green: oh... hi..\nRachel Green: Aw.\nAmy Green: Hair Straightener?\nRachel Green: I haven't seen you in like.. a year.\nAmy Green: Oh, I know, I know. I've just been crazed.\nRachel Green: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby.\nAmy Green: I decorated Dad's office.\nRachel Green: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing.\nAmy Green: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.\nAmy Green: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: mh hmm..\nAmy Green: Is this Emmett?\nRachel Green: Uh... its Emma.\nAmy Green: Its a girl?\nRoss Geller: Hey Amy.\nRachel Green: Oh Amy, you remember Ross.\nAmy Green: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date.\nRoss Geller: That was me.\nAmy Green: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade. Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face: Still me.\nAmy Green: No, I'm not talking about you. It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember? Ross starts talking over her 'do you remember' line: Amy. I'm going to save you some time, ok. All me. Monica and Chandler's Apartment.\nMonica Geller: Careful. Careful. CAREFUL! Sorry.\nChandler Bing: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..\nMonica Geller: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nMonica Geller: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me.\nChandler Bing: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey happy Thanksgiving.. Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, what's going on Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: I.. I.. I need a good lie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh okay. How about the whole \"man walking on the moon\" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, honey. You stink at lying.\nJoey Tribbiani: I do not.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said \"Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's\" and he said.. He said.. \"Joey you stink at lying.\" What am I going to do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, what.. what was the work thing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh..\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Pick up grandma at the airport\"?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.. man.. Ross and Rachel's Apartment.\nAmy Green: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose?\nRachel Green: Amy! Yes I do.. I really do.\nAmy Green: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. Can I take this upstairs?\nRoss Geller: Sure, we don't live there but...\nAmy Green: Seriously? Its.. its just these rooms? I thought you were a doctor.\nRachel Green: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.\nAmy Green: Ew.\nRachel Green: God she is unbelievable.\nRoss Geller: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.\nRachel Green: Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.\nAmy Green: Stupid Thanksgiving.\nRachel Green: What? What happened?\nAmy Green: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean.. I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.\nRoss Geller: Don't say that.\nAmy Green: Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi.\nRachel Green: Oh Amy, don't cry Amy. Um.. Ross, could I talk to you in private?\nRoss Geller: Sure, you want to go upstairs?\nRachel Green: Um look I was thinking.. If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.\nRoss Geller: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.\nRachel Green: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.\nRoss Geller: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.\nRachel Green: Ross, you know what? She may need one..We're just going to have to make our peace with that! Monica and Chandler's apartment.\nRachel Green: Hi.\nEveryone: Hi, hey.\nRachel Green: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.\nEveryone: Hi.\nAmy Green: Oh my god. You're on Days of Our Lives.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nAmy Green: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hap.. Hap.. Happy Thanksgiving.\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey you.\nMonica Geller: So. Welcome. Is this your first time you're seeing Emma?\nAmy Green: Yeah I.. I think so. It's nice to meet you Emma.\nPhoebe Buffay: Phoe-Be.\nAmy Green: Oh. That's a funny noise.\nJoey Tribbiani: Pheebs, I still need some help here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh.. I don't know why this is so hard for me. you know.. I mean lying is basically just acting and I am a terrfic actor.\nPhoebe Buffay: You are a terrific actor.\nAmy Green: Hey. Hey where's the baby?\nRachel Green: Oh we just put her down for a nap.\nAmy Green: Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died. Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.\nAmy Green: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thats a great movie.\nAmy Green: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.\nRoss Geller: Emma.\nAmy Green: Emma, Ross wants you.\nPhoebe Buffay: PHOE-BE.\nAmy Green: Why does she keep making that noise?\nRachel Green: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself um you wouldn't get the baby.\nAmy Green: Well who would?\nRoss Geller: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.\nMonica Geller: yeah oh my god, I'm so moved.\nAmy Green: I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby?\nRachel Green: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.\nAmy Green: Connected? I mean.. to what? She's.. she's a lump.\nChandler Bing: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two...\nAmy Green: This guy? Seriously? Later in the day.\nMonica Geller: Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china.. um and its very expensive so please be careful.\nRoss Geller: Woah. Woah... Woah.\nMonica Geller: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. Ross makes some sort of sound to let us know it hurt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?\nMonica Geller: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe I won.\nAmy Green: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.\nRachel Green: Monica is Ross' sister.\nAmy Green: No, Ross' sister was really fat.\nMonica Geller: That was me.\nAmy Green: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.\nRachel Green: Hey. Amy. You've got to stop doing that. Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.\nMonica Geller: Now see, this way you protect the plate.. and lets face it you have fun.\nAmy Green: Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?\nChandler Bing: No, if crazy plate lad.. If Monica dies then I would get Emma, Right?\nRachel Green: Well actually...\nChandler Bing: Actually what?\nRoss Geller: well.. its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents.\nChandler Bing: What?\nAmy Green: Hurts, doesn't it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh.. who has to die for me to get her? Commercial Break.\nChandler Bing: So if Monica's not around, then I'm not good enough to raise Emma?\nRoss Geller: No, that that is not what we're saying.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah he's lying. He looked down.\nChandler Bing: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!\nRachel Green: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent.\nRoss Geller: Yeah and we'd want to make sure Emma has someone like Monica who is more uh. uh discliplinarin.. someone who can be firm and strict.\nMonica Geller: Thats not how you see me, is it? Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun.\nChandler Bing: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable?\nRoss Geller: No, you both are equally capable. Its just.. you're strongest when.. when you're together.\nChandler Bing: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die she'd have to give her up.\nRoss Geller: Sure, Monica would have to give her up.\nJoey Tribbiani: I lie better then that, right?\nChandler Bing: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?\nPhoebe Buffay: There's your movie! Later on. Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.\nMonica Geller: Hey. There you are. You disappeared after dinner.\nChandler Bing: Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly?\nMonica Geller: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.\nChandler Bing: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be.\nMonica Geller: No you learn these things. You grow into it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it.\nMonica Geller: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying \"Go to your room! You're grounded\"?\nMonica Geller: Can you hear me say \"You're grounded\"?\nChandler Bing: You said that to me last week.\nMonica Geller: How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture. Back to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad. Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. And they all got to meet Santa!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, what happened? Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear: Oh.. My sister's raccoon.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Nothing with a raccoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. Monica and Chandler come through the front door.\nMonica Geller: Oh wait.. What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Setting the table.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.\nMonica Geller: Oh how nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress. Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.\nRoss Geller: Hey dude, you okay? Sorry about before.\nChandler Bing: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey. Ross walks away with a face of yeah ok. Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel: Ucch. Uchh In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.\nRachel Green: UCHH!\nAmy Green: You know.. this.. this is classic Rachel.\nRachel Green: Yeah.. yeah right.. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?\nAmy Green: This might be my one chance to have a baby Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my carrer.\nRachel Green: What? What carrer?\nAmy Green: Um.. I'm a decorator.\nRachel Green: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.\nAmy Green: Why can't you ever be supportive?\nRachel Green: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.\nAmy Green: Oh. Yeah. Well.. You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.\nRachel Green: I did the first time! Oh. Oh.. And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you.\nRoss Geller: Emma.\nRachel Green: Oh whose side are you on? I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.\nAmy Green: How hard could it be? You do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: ooh oooh..\nAmy Green: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?\nRachel Green: uh huh.\nAmy Green: Because you don't want me to be happy. You.. you have always been jealous of me.\nRachel Green: Jealous of what? Of your lack of responsiblity? You, your immaturity? Your total disregard of other people's feelings?\nAmy Green: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?\nRachel Green: Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him!\nAmy Green: Oh come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it.\nRachel Green: I cannot, I cannot believe that I invited you here today.\nAmy Green: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.\nRachel Green: ah ha ha. ah ha ha. It's forty five.\nAmy Green: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.\nRoss Geller: Too far, Amy. Too far.\nRachel Green: You take that back.\nAmy Green: No.\nRachel Green: Take it back!\nAmy Green: No! What are you going to do? Make me?\nRachel Green: Heey man, I work out.\nAmy Green: So do I.\nRachel Green: I do pilates.\nAmy Green: I do yoga.\nRachel Green: Bring it on!\nMonica Geller: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!\nRachel Green: Did you just push me?\nAmy Green: Uh, yeah I think I did.\nRachel Green: Alright. Thats it!\nMonica Geller: Forget the bubblewrap! There isn't time! Rachel starts messing up Amy's hair: Frizzy frizzy frizzy frizzy!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god! Shouldn't we stop this?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some jello on them.\nRachel Green: Ew! Gross.\nChandler Bing: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.\nAmy Green: I'm sorry.\nRachel Green: Mon, I'm so sorry.\nChandler Bing: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it.\nChandler Bing: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.\nRoss Geller: Dude. Well done. You know what? If I die, and Rachel dies and Monica dies then you can totally take care of Emma.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? Well thanks.\nRoss Geller: So, so now do I get Joey?\nChandler Bing: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose.\nRachel Green: Are you okay Mon?\nMonica Geller: uh huh.. I mean these things happen. Its' just a plate. Its not like somebody died.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's all right. You can mourn.\nMonica Geller: Thank you. It was so beautiful. I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually its not pies, its just pie.\nMonica Geller: I don't care. Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.\nRachel Green: Look Amy, it got a little of control..Um.. and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh.. if it really means that much to you..\nAmy Green: So you're going to give me the baby?\nRachel Green: Uh. No.. I was going to let you use my Ralph Lauren discount.\nAmy Green: You are not going to regret this.\nRachel Green: She needs changing.\nChandler Bing: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, does Monica know about her broken plates yet?\nChandler Bing: Nope...\nPhoebe Buffay: Broke them all, huh?\nChandler Bing: Yep...\nPhoebe Buffay: You gonna tell her?\nChandler Bing: Nope... Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.\nMonica Geller: Like only if the queen comes?\nChandler Bing: Maybe not even then.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.\nPhoebe Buffay: No problem! Next week: stealing...\nMonica Geller: Bye plates!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh?\nMonica Geller: What? Something happened with the plates?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uhm... Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in..."}
{"text": "Jo Lynn: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.\nChandler Bing: Yep. That's a lot of cats Jo Lynn. Single are ya?\nChandler Bing: Chandler Bing.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. How come you're answering your own phone? Where's your crazy assistant?\nChandler Bing: What's up Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, what have we always wanted to do together?\nChandler Bing: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no. When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . . courtside!\nChandler Bing: Courtside? Oh my God.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.\nChandler Bing: That's so cool. I'll let Monica know.\nMonica Geller: Hello?\nChandler Bing: Joey just called. He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.\nMonica Geller: Really? But tomorrow night is the only night I get off from the restaurant. If you go to the game, we won't have a night together for another week.\nChandler Bing: But hey, it's courtside. The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . That's not the way to convince you.\nMonica Geller: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, \"You can't go to the game. You have to spend time with me.\" So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .\nChandler Bing: I know. You're right. I want to see you too. I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know? He's really looking forward to this.\nMonica Geller: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time. Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult. Tell him that what little time we have is precious.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, ah, ah . . . I'll think of something.\nRoss Geller: Wow! Wow, You look . . . uh . . . It's just, ah . . . That dress . . . uh . . .\nRachel Green: Well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.\nRoss Geller: Well, well, they're good. It's been a while since I've seen you like this. You, you clean up good.\nRachel Green: Oh well, well thank you. Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like that. The last time that happened, that happened.\nRoss Geller: Oh right, right. So, are you . . . ah . . . you excited about your, your first night away from Emma?\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah. Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun. And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's fine. Actually, I, I invited Mike over.\nRachel Green: Phoebe's Mike?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: I didn't know you guys hung out.\nRoss Geller: We don't. But I thought it would be nice to get to know him. You know, maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.\nRachel Green: Oh that's so cute: Ross and Mike's first date. Is that going to be awkward? I mean, what are you guys going to talk about?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know. He plays piano; I played keyboards in college. He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nRachel Green: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh. Girl's night out indeed.\nRachel Green: Ok. So now, I think Emma is probably down for the night, but if you need anything Ross . . .\nRoss Geller: Rach, Rach, we'll be fine, all right? You go have fun.\nRachel Green: Okay. You too. And I hope you score. Bye.\nMike Hannigan: Bye.\nRoss Geller: So . . . Welcome.\nMike Hannigan: I got beer.\nRoss Geller: I got bottled breast milk.\nMike Hannigan: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?\nRoss Geller: Okay. So, um, Phoebe tells me you, ah, you play piano.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.\nMike Hannigan: Ah? Do you have one here?\nRoss Geller: No.\nMike Hannigan: Okay.\nRoss Geller: Um . . . ah . . . you know, I'm divorced. Um, Phoebe, ah . . . Phoebe said you . . . You've been divorced?\nMike Hannigan: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.\nRoss Geller: That's okay. We'll talk about something else.\nMike Hannigan: So, you're a paleontologist, right?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nMike Hannigan: My cousin's a paleontologist.\nRoss Geller: Ah? Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God. Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?\nRachel Green: Oh God. It seems like forever ago.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. So, what's going on with you and Ross?\nRachel Green: Well, um . . . I don't know. I mean, for a long time nothing. But you know, actually right before you picked me up, Ross and I had a . . . ah . . . little thing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God! I love things. What happened?\nRachel Green: Well, um, first he told me he liked how I looked. And, ah, then we had a little . . . um . . . eye-contact.\nPhoebe Buffay: Eye-contact?\nRachel Green: Mm-hmm.\nPhoebe Buffay: I hope you were using protection.\nWaiter: Excuse me. Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.\nRachel Green: Oh. Should we send them something back?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh. Let's do. Let's send them mashed potatoes.\nRachel Green: No! Wait! No, no. Don't do that! That's going to make them think they can come over here.\nPhoebe Buffay: So? What if they do?\nRachel Green: Well, we're not here to meet guys. You have a boyfriend, I have a b. . . baby and a Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, but, ah, ah, nothing has to happen. We're just having fun. You know, not everything had to go as far as \"eye-contact.\"\nMonica Geller: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.\nChandler Bing: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me, than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? I heard it.\nMonica Geller: I don't want him to think that I'm having an affair.\nChandler Bing: All right. I've got a plan. I'll go down the fire escape.\nMonica Geller: Yes, because all good plans start with, \"I'll go down the fire escape.\"\nChandler Bing: Hear me out woman. I'll go down the fire escape. Then, I'll wait for a while. Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa. Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.\nMonica Geller: Aren't you afraid that Joey's going to figure all of this out? I heard it.\nChandler Bing: I'm just going to wait for a little while.\nMonica Geller: Scary pigeon's back?\nChandler Bing: It's huge.\nRachel Green: Oh my God. I can't believe you live in that building. My grandmother lives in that building. Ida Green? No sense of personal space? Kind of smells like chicken? Looks like a potato.\nBill: \"Spuds\" is your grandmother?\nRachel Green: That's my bubby!\nKevin: So, we're on our way to a couple of parties. Um. . . maybe we can get your numbers and give you guys a call if we find something fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. . . I'm sorry. We weren't really looking for anything to happen with you guys. I, I have a boyfriend.\nKevin: All right. It's no big deal.\nBill: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend. But um. . .\nBill: Then, can I have your number?\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, no.\nBill: Okay.\nRachel Green: Oh sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, you're giving your real number.\nBill: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight.\nRachel Green: Great.\nBill: Bye.\nPhoebe Buffay: Bye. Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?\nRachel Green: I don't know. He was cute, and he liked me. It was an impulse.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about Ross? What about your moment? Don't you want to talk to Ross about it?\nRachel Green: No. No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go. \"Hey Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before.\"\nRachel Green: \"Yeah.\" \"Me too.\"\nRachel Green: \"Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it.\"\nRachel Green: \"Yeah.\" \"Me neither.\"\nRachel Green: \"Well, should we just continue to live together and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?\"\nRachel Green: \"Yeah. That works for me.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I see what you mean. By the way, nice Ross imitation.\nRachel Green: Oh, thanks.\nPhoebe Buffay: But, your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.\nRachel Green: Wha. . . hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Better!\nRachel Green: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know? I should just . . . move on with my life.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? You're moving on from Ross?\nRachel Green: I don't know. Do I have to decide right now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you kind of just did. That guy is going to call you tonight. Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's a pretty clear message.\nRachel Green: Oh God, Ross. Ross is going to pick up the phone. Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh my God. He's gone.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh my God. He's gone.\" Dead on.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! That didn't take long. I thought you said Tulsa was, like a three hour flight.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.\nMonica Geller: Chandler! You're home!\nChandler Bing: That's right. You're husband's home. So, now the sex can stop.\nMonica Geller: What are you saying?\nChandler Bing: Joey said that you're in here with another man.\nMonica Geller: There's no man in here. How dare you accuse me of that.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right. All right. Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh? Bwa-ah-ah!\nChandler Bing: What is he doing?\nMonica Geller: I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.\nJoey Tribbiani: Bedroom is clear, although you might need some new pillows.\nChandler Bing: All right. Well, I'll check the guest room.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why do I smell men's cologne?\nMonica Geller: I think that's you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah. I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.\nChandler Bing: There's nobody here Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: I guess not.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you thought I was cheating. You own me an apology.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, right Monica. I'm so sorry.\nMonica Geller: Ah, it's an honest mistake. It could happen to anyone. All right, see ya.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?\nChandler Bing: I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?\nMike Hannigan: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing. Fascinating isn't it.\nRoss Geller: Maybe you should look up \"fascinating.\"\nMike Hannigan: I'll get it. Hello? Ross's place. Mike speaking. It's for you.\nRoss Geller: I don't understand what just happened here.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's going on?\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . . I didn't think you'd understand.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife? Huh? Do you think I'm like, \"Duh.\"\nMonica Geller: Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: I don't know what to say. We shouldn't have lied to you.\nChandler Bing: Yeah. I feel so bad. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't. But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. That's the one thing I can't do. I promised I'd be with Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right.\nMonica Geller: You can go.\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: You should go to the game. It's okay. I want you to.\nChandler Bing: Really? You're gonna be okay?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'll be fine. You know, maybe I'll stay here and practice the art of seduction.\nChandler Bing: You're gonna put on sweats and clean, aren't you?\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be so hot!\nChandler Bing: Okay, bye.\nMonica Geller: Have fun.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Here's your ticket.\nChandler Bing: Hey, listen. I'm never going to lie to you again, okay? And I want you to know that nobody thinks you're stupid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Where are you going?\nChandler Bing: Game's tomorrow night Joe.\nRoss Geller: Hey you guys.\nMike Hannigan: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. I'll be right back. I've got to go to the bathroom.\nMike Hannigan: Stout. That's a kind of beer."}
{"text": "Phoebe Buffay: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, \"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.\nChandler Bing: Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.\nRoss Geller: You're really not coming back?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.\nMonica Geller: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job!\nChandler Bing: So, who does?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I like my job.\nJoey Tribbiani: I *love* my job.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.\nRoss Geller: I can't get *enough* dinosaurs!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I won't be here.\nMonica Geller: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.\nChandler Bing: Thanks. I'll see you New Year's Day.\nMonica Geller: You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve??\nChandler Bing: Did I not mention that?\nMonica Geller: No!\nChandler Bing: AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! *Opening Credits*\nChandler Bing: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call for writing \"Screw you, Mr. Bing!\" on the back of my chair! - By the way, you can all call me Chandler.\nWendy: Hey!\nOthers: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey. Where've you been?\nWendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. - So I stole ther ham.\nChandler Bing: You hear that? You may not be with your families, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here.\nClaudia: My kid's in a play right now.\nChandler Bing: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.\nKen: \"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet\".\nChandler Bing: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks!\nWendy: *Now* it feels like Christmas.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.\nKen: You can come to my house!\nChandler Bing: Haha, no thanks!\nWendy: That was a nice pep-talk.\nChandler Bing: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker.\nWendy: So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing?\nChandler Bing: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...\nPhoebe Buffay: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. \"Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No, don't sing along. Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!\" Happy holidays, everybody!\nRachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.\nChandler Bing: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you.\nRachel Green: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.\nChandler Bing: What? That's terrible!\nPhoebe Buffay: No-no, we do it every year!\nChandler Bing: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.\nRachel Green: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK?\nChandler Bing: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, we have to!\nChandler Bing: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well then, you should look with us.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRachel Green: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?\nChandler Bing: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, that's it? A great idea! Oh yeah.\nRachel Green: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?\nChandler Bing: If I help, we can find 'em faster!\nRachel Green: That's right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!\nRachel Green: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!\nRachel Green: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, who's it for?\nRachel Green: \"Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, these are for you.\nRachel Green: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.\nChandler Bing: OK, Pheebs, your turn.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guuuyys.\nJoey Tribbiani: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.\nRoss Geller: You got me a cola drink?\nChandler Bing: And, a lemon lime.\nRoss Geller: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.\nChandler Bing: And last but not least.\nJoey Tribbiani: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.\nRoss Geller: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?\nBen Geller: Cool!\nRoss Geller: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: Come on Ben.\nRoss Geller: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...\nChandler Bing: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!\nBen Geller: Santa!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What are you doing here, Santa?\nChandler Bing: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?\nRoss Geller: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.\nRoss Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!\nRoss Geller: Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave.\nChandler Bing: Why?\nRoss Geller: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it.\nChandler Bing: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me.\nChandler Bing: Fine, I'll give the suit back.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you think, you can keep it another night?\nChandler Bing: Santa? Really?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, is that okay?\nChandler Bing: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Then it's okaaay!\nChandler Bing: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your families. It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve.\nChandler Bing: Did I not tell *anyone* about New Year's Eve? - Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go.\nChandler Bing: Good, God's speed, good people! You're not gonna go?\nWendy: Naah... I couldn't leave you alone.\nChandler Bing: Ah. Thanks.\nWendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.\nChandler Bing: Ah. Chandler Bing.\nMonica Geller: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.\nOthers: Merry Christmas!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ble-blah-blar Blargh!\nChandler Bing: Ahh, Merry Christmas; I miss you guys!\nMonica Geller: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?\nChandler Bing: Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy.\nMonica Geller: Wendy? - That sounds like a girl's name.\nChandler Bing: It is. Did I... not tell you about her?\nMonica Geller: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?\nChandler Bing: I sent them home.\nMonica Geller: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?\nChandler Bing: Uhh, uh...\nRoss Geller: Answer faster, answer faster!\nChandler Bing: I don't know!\nRoss Geller: Answer better, answer better!\nChandler Bing: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.\nMonica Geller: What does she do there?\nChandler Bing: Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me.\nMonica Geller: She did WHAT?\nChandler Bing: BE-LOW me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?\nMonica Geller: *What*??\nChandler Bing: Well, she... she didn't win...\nMonica Geller: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.\nChandler Bing: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...\nRachel Green: Oh Chandler, stop talking!\nChandler Bing: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: I'm serious!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nChandler Bing: Merry Christmas.\nMonica Geller: Merry Christmas.\nChandler Bing: Merry Christmas, you guys!\nOthers: Yeah, Merry... Christmas.\nPhoebe Buffay: Blah blargah, blar-blab.\nChandler Bing: The wife says \"Hi!\".\nWendy: Ah. Fun conversation?\nChandler Bing: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.\nWendy: Huh? Really? - Hm, that'd be so terrible?\nChandler Bing: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.\nChandler Bing: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy!\nWendy: ...Missy?\nChandler Bing: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?\nWendy: You are to me...\nChandler Bing: No,... no... NO! Look, I'm, I'm married!\nWendy: So? I'm married.\nChandler Bing: I'm *happily* married.\nWendy: Oh. - What's *that* like?\nChandler Bing: Right. So, I'm sorry...\nWendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?\nChandler Bing: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.\nWendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?\nChandler Bing: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!\nMonica Geller: Really?\nChandler Bing: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?\nMonica Geller: Well, not anymore.\nChandler Bing: But we don't do that.\nMonica Geller: I know, I just thought it would be fun.\nChandler Bing: How drunk are you?\nMonica Geller: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.\nChandler Bing: That's the perfect amount!\nMonica Geller: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Y'know what's weird?\nChandler Bing: What?\nMonica Geller: This doesn't feel weird!\nChandler Bing: I know.\nMonica Geller: You're a really good kisser.\nChandler Bing: Well, I have kissed over four women. Do you wanna get under the covers?\nMonica Geller: Hm-hmm!\nChandler Bing: Okay!\nMonica Geller: Wow! You are really fast!\nChandler Bing: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.\nMonica Geller: We're gonna see each other naked.\nChandler Bing: Yep!\nMonica Geller: Do you wanna do it at the same time?\nChandler Bing: Count of three?\nMonica Geller: One!\nChandler Bing: Two!\nMonica Geller: Two!\nChandler Bing: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.\nMonica Geller: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!\nChandler Bing: Eh!\nChandler Bing: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?\nMonica Geller: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.\nMonica Geller: I think you're better than you think you are.\nChandler Bing: Really? Okay, so...\nMonica Geller: Know when to stop.\nChandler Bing: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Don't do the dance.\nChandler Bing: Right!\nMonica Geller: I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.\nChandler Bing: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.\nMonica Geller: You're so efficient. I love you!\nChandler Bing: Let's go!\nMonica Geller: No-no-no, wait! We need something old!\nChandler Bing: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.\nMonica Geller: That'll work!\nChandler Bing: I don't think so.\nMonica Geller: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!\nChandler Bing: Here just...take this.\nMonica Geller: That's stealing!\nChandler Bing: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.\nMonica Geller: Ohh.\nChandler Bing: Okay, one thing at a time.\nMonica Geller: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.\nChandler Bing: Ehh.\nMonica Geller: Eh, you work for that.\nChandler Bing: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.\nMonica Geller: You do?!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're so sweet. Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?\nChandler Bing: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.\nMonica Geller: You thought about that?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: How many kids were we gonna have?\nChandler Bing: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.\nMonica Geller: What else did you think about?\nChandler Bing: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.\nMonica Geller: Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.\nChandler Bing: Sure you do.\nMonica Geller: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.\nChandler Bing: You sure?\nMonica Geller: Uh-hmm.\nChandler Bing: I love you so much.\nMonica Geller: I love you.\nRachel Green: Oohh, I love it!\nRoss Geller: Really? You're not gonna return it?\nRachel Green: Well, not this second!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey look, you guys, it's snowing!\nRachel Green: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...\nRoss Geller: Wow, it really is!\nMonica Geller: \"Wendy\" is a fat girl name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Aren't we done with that?\nMonica Geller: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. - Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Oh my god...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here?\nChandler Bing: I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?\nChandler Bing: Monica.\nJoey Tribbiani: Got ya.\nChandler Bing: I never want to leave you again!\nMonica Geller: But I thought if you left, you get fired.\nChandler Bing: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit.\nMonica Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: What, you, you really quit your job?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?\nRachel Green: What do you really want to do?\nChandler Bing: I have *not* thought this through!\nMonica Geller: Oh my god!\nChandler Bing: I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it.\nMonica Geller: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!\nChandler Bing: Thanks!\nPhoebe Buffay: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.\nChandler Bing: Ahh...\nPhoebe Buffay: Now give me my real gift.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nChandler Bing: Here, pass these, will ya..\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey...\nRoss Geller: \"A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet.\" - How did you know?\nRachel Green: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.\nChandler Bing: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.\nChandler Bing: I don't have a *job*! *Closing Credits*\nChandler Bing: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!\nMonica Geller: You are! Hey, here's twenty bucks. - Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Good morning, Tiger! I'm making you a nice big breakfast so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant.\nChandler Bing: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed! I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.\nMonica Geller: Well, I just lost my erection.\nChandler Bing: I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself?\nMonica Geller: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you wanna be now. It's exciting.\nChandler Bing: But it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start.\nMonica Geller: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. We can make a list of your qualifications, and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files!\nChandler Bing: Hey! This is where your hyper-organized-pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off!\nMonica Geller: I know!!! My erection is back!\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, can I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay. Phoebe Thank you. Thank you!\nJoey Tribbiani: : Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, it's just, I'm a little short on cash.\nJoey Tribbiani: If you want I could loan you some money?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no, no, no. I learned never to borrow money from friends. No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show?\nPhoebe Buffay: You could do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. The pay is pretty good and you could do it for as long as you need.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god, I'm gonna be on TV!\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, now. I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, really?\nJoey Tribbiani: No it is awesome!\nRoss Geller: Hi guys.\nEveryone: \nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Hey, why are you all dressed up?\nRoss Geller: Rachel and I are bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren today to introduce her to everyone. Doesn't she look cute?\nJoey Tribbiani: She sure does. Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head?\nRachel Green: Well, because if one more person says \"what a cute little boy\" I'm gonna whip them with a car antenna!\nRoss Geller: I think she's gonna be the hit of the office, huh? She's gonna be hotter than peasant blouses and A-line skirts. Can I get a blue bow?\nMonica Geller: Okay, I have looked through a bunch of career guides, photocopied and highlighted key passages and put them into alphabetical folders so you can make an informed decision.\nChandler Bing: How long was I in there?\nMonica Geller: Okay. Let us start with the A's. Advertising.\nChandler Bing: Wait. Advertising! That's a great idea!\nMonica Geller: Don't you want to look through the rest?\nChandler Bing: I don't think I have to hear the rest. Advertising makes perfect sense. Sorry you had to waste all this time, though.\nMonica Geller: You call eight hours alone with my label maker wasted time? Ooh, now I get to use my shredder!\nChandler Bing: I mean, I can write slogans. I mean, how hard can it be, right? \"Cheese. It's milk that you chew.\" \"Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy.\" \"A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?\"\nMonica Geller: I got one. \"Socks. Because your family's feet deserve the best.\"\nChandler Bing: Honey? Leave it to the pros.\nMonica Geller: I actually know someone in advertising. I grew up with this guy who is a vice president at a big agency. Maybe I can get him to meet you? Give me the phone.\nChandler Bing: \"The phone. Bringing you closer to people...who have phones.\"\nMonica Geller: \"Marriage. It's not for everybody.\"\nRachel Green: That went well. Almost everybody knew that she was a girl.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, after you punched that one guy who got it wrong, word spread.\nRachel Green: I'm just gonna go in my office and pick up some stuff . Who the hell are you!?\nGuy: Who the hell are you?\nRachel Green: I'm the hell person whose office this is!\nRoss Geller: Good one, Rach.\nGuy: I'm Gavin Mitchell, the person who's taken over your job.\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nGavin Mitchell: Oh, your baby's so cute. Why did you put a pink bow on a boy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, look at me! I'm a nurse!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes you are. I think it may be time for my sponge bath. Sorry, I'm just so used to hitting on the extras. So, are you excited about your scene?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! But I'm a little shaky and nervous.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, relax. Don't be. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. They'll probably just make you stand in the back.\nDirector: Okay, okay, okay! You. Here, come here, here. You're gonna take this tray, you're gonna stay on this yellow mark. You're gonna move on \"action!\" You're gonna walk over to the operating table. You're gonna stop on that blue mark, you're gonna put the tray down. Don't walk too fast! But don't doddle.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, now. What?\nDirector: And...Action!!\nDirector: Cut! Cut!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous.\nDirector: Well, don't be.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, that helps.\nDirector: And...Action!\nDirector: Cut!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, you know what? Don't worry, Pheebs! It usually takes me three takes too! Alright, eight.\nDirector: And...Action!\nInterviewer: So, do you have any other question about advertising?\nChandler Bing: No, no. But let me show you what I can do. \"Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood.\"\nInterviewer: Monica warned me you might do that. I actually think we might have something for you at the agency.\nChandler Bing: Really? That's great!\nInterviewer: It's an unpaid internship.\nChandler Bing: It's funny. When you said \"unpaid\" it sounded like you said \"unpaid.\"\nInterviewer: Come on now. Monica has a good job. And it's not like you have a family to support.\nChandler Bing: Actually, we're trying, and I don't think Monica's gonna wanna postpone it. We're supposed to have sex tonight. Actually, she's probably at home naked right now. I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me. I can just picture her on the bed right now.\nInterviewer: Stop!\nInterviewer: Okay.\nRachel Green: Wait a minute! What do you mean, you're taking over my job?\nGavin Mitchell: Well, while you were on your baby vacation I was doing your job.\nRachel Green: A vacation? My idea of a vacation does not involve something sucking on my nipples until they are raw.\nGavin Mitchell: Clearly you've never been to Sandles Paradise Island.\nRachel Green: Alright! Don't get too comfortable there, because I'm back in two weeks! And I want everything back to the way it was. I can't say that I care too much for the way you've rearranged my office.\nGavin Mitchell: I can't say I care too much for that smell you've brought in with you.\nRachel Green: Excuse me?\nRoss Geller: Rach we have a code brown situation.\nRachel Green: Can you please, please take care of it for me?\nRoss Geller: Alright, but you have to do one sometime.\nRachel Green: Let me just get this straight! So I go have a baby and they send some guy in to do my job?\nGavin Mitchell: Well, there was talk of shutting down Ralph Lauren all together.\nRachel Green: That's right. You're very cheeky for a temp.\nGavin Mitchell: I'm not a temp. I was transferred here from another department.\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, what department was that? The Jerk department?\nGavin Mitchell: Oh, they didn't tell me about your quick wit.\nRachel Green: Did they mention that I'm rubber and you're glue?\nMr. Zelner: Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi Mr. Zelner.\nMr. Zelner: Rachel, I see you've met Gavin. I must say, when you left us we weren't sure what we were gonna do. But then, Gavin to the rescue. Super Gavin!\nRachel Green: That's great. So now, Super Gavin, when I come back where are you planning on flying off to?\nGavin Mitchell: Well, that's up to Mr. Zelner. I'm sure he will make the right decision.\nRachel Green: Oh, wow. Super ass-kissing power.\nMr. Zelner: Incidentally, when are you coming back?\nRachel Green: Today.\nGavin Mitchell: You said two weeks.\nRachel Green: No, I said today! See, for a superhero, not so much with the listening.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. So, what did he say?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he can be a little rough around the edges, so I'm gonna replace a word he used a lot, with the word \"puppy.\" Okay, So He Said \"If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together, I'm gonna fire her mother-puppy ass.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm not an actor.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right, you're not. You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no. Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey, she doesn't have time for friends. She gets in that operating room and she carries that tray to the doctor, because if she doesn't, people die!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who dies?\nJoey Tribbiani: Man With Eye Patch! You get in there and you do your job.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, doctor.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay.\nDirector: Okay, let's try this one more time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch, your tray is coming!\nDirector: And...Action!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, I did it!!! I nailed it!!! Yay! What's next?\nDirector: The rest of the scene.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, from the top, people!\nRachel Green: Listen. Sudden change of plans. My maternity leave just ended. They told me that if I didn't come back today, they were gonna fire me.\nRoss Geller: What? No, that's illegal. I'm gonna have the labor department down her so fast they won't even...\nRachel Green: Alright, alright. Calm down Norma Rae. They didn't actually say that. I'm just afraid if I don't come back right now this guy's gonna try to squeeze me out.\nRoss Geller: What about Emma? We don't have a nanny.\nRachel Green: I know. You know, we're just gonna have to figure out a plan tonight. Can you please just take care of her for today?\nRoss Geller: Absolutely. Just give me your breast and we'll be on our way.\nRachel Green: Come on, I don't know what else to do.\nRoss Geller: Fine, fine. We'll have fun, won't we? Yes, we will, yes we will.\nRachel Green: Ross?\nRoss Geller: Huh?\nRachel Green: You're pretty.\nChandler Bing: Whatever I decide to do, I'm gonna be starting a career from scratch. It's gonna be a while before I make a living at it. Maybe now is not the right time to be starting a family.\nRoss Geller: So you have to tell Monica you don't want to have a baby right now?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Good-bye.\nMonica Geller: Okay, it's baby time. Pants off Bing. Didn't see you there Geller.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, Ross is here so...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, and I was really hoping that I could hang out. What do you feel like doing?\nMonica Geller: We're gonna have sex.\nRoss Geller: I don't feel like having sex. Maybe we can watch a movie or something.\nMonica Geller: Let me put it this way. We're having sex whether you're here or not.\nRoss Geller: Pants off Bing!\nRachel Green: Alright. Now that I'm back, why don't you just fill me in on what you've been up to?\nGavin Mitchell: Well, I've changed your screensaver from that picture of *Nsync.\nRachel Green: Hey, they were popular when I left!\nGavin Mitchell: Also, I've just been working on this big presentation for tomorrow.\nRachel Green: Well, I should be involved in that, so why don't you get me up to speed?\nGavin Mitchell: That's gonna take weeks. Why don't just let me take care of the presentation?\nRachel Green: Oh, no no no no. I see what you're doing here, alright, listen, this is my job buddy. Okay, I've had it for five years, and I know how it works, so why don't you just catch me up!\nGavin Mitchell: Fine.\nRachel Green: Oh god. You've totally messed with the back support of my chair. How do you fix this?\nGavin Mitchell: Hey, you've been here five years, you figure it out.\nRachel Green: Fine, I will. Alright, fill me in!\nRoss Geller: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hey.\nRoss Geller: You have a blue tie that would go with this? Emma spit up on mine.\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah. But you have to give it back if I get a job. Of course, by that time in the future ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jump suits.\nMonica Geller: Hi, good morning lover. I gotta say after last night, I'm a little weak in the knees.\nRoss Geller: Here's an idea. You walk into a room...take a quick scan!\nMonica Geller: Sorry. But I kind of have this feeling that we may have made a baby last night.\nChandler Bing: Oh god, I have to tell you something. You're not pregnant.\nMonica Geller: What are you talking about?\nChandler Bing: That thing that I have to do to make a baby. I faked it.\nMonica Geller: What!? You faked it?\nRoss Geller: You know what? I don't need a tie. I mean, it's better, open collar. You know, it's more casual.\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey, listen. I can't do this, it doesn't make any sense. Yesterday I was a nurse, and today I'm a waitress at a cafe?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, sometimes we use the same extras for different parts. It's okay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's not okay, because I gave a very memorable performance as the nurse. And now suddenly I'm the waitress? That's gonna confuse my fans.\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you are a nurse, but you moonlight as a waitress.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhuh. Because I'm a single mother, supporting my two children.\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute. Dr. Drake Ramoray and I work at the same hospital. Wouldn't I come over to say hi to him?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no. See, you and Drake are having a fight.\nPhoebe Buffay: About what?\nJoey Tribbiani: He slept with you and then never called you.\nPhoebe Buffay: And I just wanted a new daddy for Davy and Becky.\nDirector: Okay, okay, from the top. And...Action!\nMan: So, I'm surprised you agreed to have lunch with me.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I'm surprised to, but yet here I am.\nDirector: Cut, cut! What are you doing!?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, I'm very angry at him, because he slept with me and never called me back.\nExtra: Me too!\nAnother Extra: Me too!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, calm down! She means on the show! We need some new extras around here!\nGavin Mitchell: Wow, you're here already.\nRachel Green: Yes. Emma and I came in a little early to do research on the presentation. I actually made a few changes, but I think I'm caught up on everything. So ask me anything!\nGavin Mitchell: How do you fix the chair?\nRachel Green: Except that! Oh, hello, Mr. Zelner. We're all ready for our presentation this afternoon.\nMr. Zelner: Good, because it's in ten minutes.\nRachel Green: What? I can't do that! I have the baby, and Ross is not gonna pick her up for another hour.\nMr. Zelner: Well, then Gavin can give the presentation, okay, we have to do it now. Ralph needs to leave early today. He's going helicopter shopping.\nRachel Green: Well, there you go. You win, you win. You get to do the presentation, you'll knock 'em dead, no one will ever remember that I worked here, and then Ralph will buy his helicopter, and Super Gavin will just fly right along side of him!\nGavin Mitchell: You can do the presentation.\nRachel Green: No, I can't, I have a baby.\nGavin Mitchell: I'll watch her.\nRachel Green: Why would you do that?\nGavin Mitchell: Because you've worked really hard, and it's your job, and you're a little crazy.\nRachel Green: That's really nice.\nGavin Mitchell: I should tell you that crying women make me very uncomfortable.\nRachel Green: Then you're not gonna like what's coming. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you, thank you.\nGavin Mitchell: I'm really fine, don't worry, I'm great with children. Gavin Mitchell. Pleased to meet you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Please don't fire my friend. Just let me talk to her.\nDirector: Okay, okay. But this is her last chance.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you, thank you. How about I do something for you? Tomorrow, I'll bring you a hat, cover up the bald?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, listen Pheebs. I was just talking to the director, and he was thinking, maybe this time you don't hit Drake, you just wait on the tables?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't do that. I'm an actor. I have a process.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're a masseuse. You have a table with a hole in it.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. You're threatened.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm so good in this scene that I'm stealing focus from you. Well, rise to the challenge Tribianni 'cause I just raised the bar. Come join me up here!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you can fire her, but I would call security, she won't go easy.\nMonica Geller: You faked it? You couldn't have faked it!\nChandler Bing: Oh yes you can. You just make the faces and the noises.\nMonica Geller: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours! Besides, why would you fake it when we're trying to have a baby?\nChandler Bing: That's actually why. Look, I'm starting a whole new career now, and I'm not saying that I don't want to have a baby, I'm just saying maybe we could wait a little while.\nMonica Geller: Like a month?\nChandler Bing: Or a year?\nMonica Geller: Really, you want to wait a year?\nChandler Bing: It could be less than a year. I mean, you've heard my stuff. \"Pants. Like shorts, but longer.\" It'll probably be more than a year.\nMonica Geller: I really wanna have a baby.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, me too. Look, I'll just get my old job back.\nMonica Geller: No, I want you to have a job that you love. Not statistical analysis and data reconfiguration.\nChandler Bing: I quit and you learn what I do?\nMonica Geller: It's just, I think, there's never gonna be a right time to have a baby. I mean, now you're unemployed and in a little while you'll find a new job that'll keep you really busy. There's always gonna be a reason not to do this, but I think once the baby comes, forget about all those reasons.\nChandler Bing: I guess. It's always gonna be scary when we have a baby.\nMonica Geller: It's gonna be really scary. I mean, god. When we have a baby, there's gonna be so much that we're not able to control. I mean, the apartment's gonna be a mess, I won't have time to clean it. What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer? Messes up all the ribbons?! What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer, because the baby's stuff takes up all the space!? Where will all the ribbons go!?!\nChandler Bing: Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind?\nMonica Geller: Yes, please!\nChandler Bing: Oh, and I promise, I will not fake it this time.\nMonica Geller: I wish I could say the same. I'm a little shook up!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I know you botched that operation on purpose. I can't prove it yet, but when I do, you'll be going to jail for murder. I don't care if you are my brother.\nMan: I'm not your brother.\nPhoebe Buffay: What about my children Drake?! Huh!? No!! No!! No! God!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. So where's Mon?\nChandler Bing: Oh, she's at home, putting up decorations for Rachel's birthday party tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: And you're not helping?\nChandler Bing: I tried, but apparantly singing \"I will survive\" in a helium voice - not helping.\nRoss Geller: Hey you guys!\nRachel Green: Shhh don't say that loud, Gunther's gonna want to hug me.\nRoss Geller: Uh, good news everyone, we finally found a nanny. This is Molly . Molly, Chandler, Joey.\nMolly: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Ooh, somebody's getting a little fussy.\nJoey Tribbiani: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.\nRachel Green: Ok, you know what, I'm just gonna take her outside.\nMolly: No, you stay, I'll do it .\nRachel Green: OK, thank you.\nMolly: Nice to meet you guys .\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you too.\nRachel Green: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Yes, Bravo on the hot nanny.\nRachel Green: What? You really think she's hot?\nChandler Bing: Are you kidding? If I wasn't married she'd be rejecting me right now.\nRachel Green: And Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you think she's doing?\nRachel Green: Am I the only one who doesn't think that she's hot? Ross?\nRoss Geller: Eh, I mean, I mena she's not unattractive but hot? I ...\nRachel Green: Thank you!\nChandler Bing: Now that Rachel's gone?\nRachel Green: So hot I cried myself to sleep last night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?\nMike Hannigan: Lima.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. It starts with a \"v\" and ends with an \"x\". Helpfully with a \"to\" in the middle.\nMike Hannigan: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS \"vtox\". Oh god! Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMike Hannigan: OK, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, whew, no, that's Bob.\nMike Hannigan: What, is he your pet rat?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for, you know. Kinda like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.\nMike Hannigan: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are those?\nMike Hannigan: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments. You have to get rid of it!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.\nMike Hannigan: Thank you.\nPhoebe Buffay: So weird, you think he's so gross and you're willing to eat his crackers.\nRachel Green: Hello.\nGavin Mitchell: Hello.\nRachel Green: Gavin, I just wanted to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an appology.\nGavin Mitchell: For what?\nRachel Green: Well, when we first met, you know, I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious ...\nGavin Mitchell: Is this your first appology?\nRachel Green: No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything. And I-I think you're a really good guy and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.\nHeather: Good morning!\nRachel Green: Hello. But you know what, hey, new day, new leaf, I am just really really happy ... I'm sorry, obviously Heather's ass has something more important to say so I'll just wait 'till it's finished.\nGavin Mitchell: What?\nRachel Green: I was giving you an appology and you were totally checking her out!\nGavin Mitchell: I wasn't checking her out. I'm in fashion, I was looking at her skirt. Or was it pants? I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.\nRachel Green: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.\nGavin Mitchell: Why do you even care if I was looking at her? Are you jealous?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah, I'm jealous. \"Oh Gavin, please, please look at my ass\". Stop looking at my ass! I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate, ok? This is a work environment, she's your subordinate.\nGavin Mitchell: I thought it was ok when you slept with your old assistant Tag.\nRachel Green: That is totally different for two reasons. One - I didn't know that you knew that. And two, I wasn't some creep staring at his ass, we had a deap meaningful relationship.\nGavin Mitchell: Huh. What's Tag's last name?\nRachel Green: It was ... oh my god. He didn't have a last name. It was just \"Tag\". You know, like Cher, or, you know, Moses.\nGavin Mitchell: But it was a deap meaningful relationship.\nRachel Green: Oh, you know what - my first impression of you was absolutely right. You are arrogant, you are pompous ... Morgan! Morgan! Tag's last name was Morgan! Huh!\nGavin Mitchell: It was Jones.\nRachel Green: Yeah well what are you, his boyfriend?\nJoey Tribbiani: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.\nMolly: You mean, when you were a baby.\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure.\nMonica Geller: Would you stop staring at her?\nChandler Bing: I wasn't staring. I was leering.\nMonica Geller: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face. Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.\nChandler Bing: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.\nMonica Geller: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.\nMolly: I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.\nRoss Geller: Ok, I'll be home right after work. Ok, by Emma-Wemma-Demma, I love you - wovyou dovyou ...\nMolly: Bye.\nMonica Geller: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk - it's not so good.\nMolly: I think it's sweet.\nRachel Green: Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why not?\nRachel Green: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, what, you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable? Yeah, sounds about right.\nRoss Geller: Come on, there are plenty of other women out thereok? Just - just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, man, why did have to go and say that for? Now that you told me I can't have it makes me want her even more!\nRoss Geller: What are you, a child?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes!\nRoss Geller: Joey, come on now, for me! Please, just-just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine.\nMonica Geller: Take me home!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Mikey.\nMike Hannigan: Hey P.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you doing?\nMike Hannigan: Setting rat traps.\nPhoebe Buffay: To kill Bob??\nMike Hannigan: No, no, to test his neck strength.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.\nMike Hannigan: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll find Bob, I'll get him. Bob? Bob! Robert! Oh wait, I think I hear him. Oh - Oh my god! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!\nMike Hannigan: Better think of a new name for him.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know, I kinda like Bob for a girl.\nMike Hannigan: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure ...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god, we killed Bob!\nMike Hannigan: Maybe it wasn't Bob, maybe it was a mouse.\nPhoebe Buffay: Suzie?\nRoss Geller: Whazzup??\nChandler Bing: Seriously dude, 3 years ago.\nRoss Geller: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?\nChandler Bing: You don't trust him?\nRoss Geller: Wh - No. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the \"hot nanny\".\nChandler Bing: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference? Because I could get a job any day now.\nRoss Geller: You do appear right on the cusp of something. Come on man, I'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two, but for now can you please just do this for me?\nChandler Bing: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.\nRoss Geller: Well we gotta do something, ok? Nannies like her don't grow on trees.\nChandler Bing: Picturing that tree?\nRoss Geller: I am, yes.\nChandler Bing: Where you going, Joe?\nJoey Tribbiani: For a walk.\nChandler Bing: Oh. You mind if I join you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, that will be long. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.\nChandler Bing: Your thoughts? Plural?\nJoey Tribbiani: Allright, fine, I only have one thought! It's about the hot nanny, I gotta see her!\nChandler Bing: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe.\nJoey Tribbiani: Now YOU'RE telling me I can't see her?? You guys are killing me! She's forbidden fruit! It's like ... like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy ... Why are you doing this, huh? Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there?\nChandler Bing: Yes, as a matter of fact he did, so I can't let you go.\nJoey Tribbiani: Huh. Interesting. Now there are obstacles. Hot nanny and me against the world. This is the kind of stuff great novels are made of.\nChandler Bing: Great novels?\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine ... mediocre porn.\nGavin Mitchell: Gavin Mitchelle's office.\nRachel Green: Rachel Green's office!! Give me that phone! Hello, this is Rachel Green, how can I help you? Uh huh ... ok then ... I'll pass you back to your son.\nGavin Mitchell: Hey Mom! No, that's just my secretary.\nRachel Green: Um, excuse me Gavin, I have a question I need to ask you.\nGavin Mitchell: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. Yes?\nRachel Green: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look at a mirror?\nGavin Mitchell: Thank god you finally said that, I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. Man, I really bug you, don't I?\nRachel Green: Oh, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me. In fact, from now on, I'm going take the high road. And I'm going be very very nice to you, you \"momma's boy\", starting right now.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: Ready for your birthday lunch?\nRachel Green: Yeah I am, I am! Oh, but first of all, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleage and more importantly my wonderful friend Gavin Mitchelle.\nGavin Mitchell: Pleased to meet you.\nMonica Geller: Pleased to meet you. So you're coming to Rachel's party tonight?\nRachel Green: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.\nGavin Mitchell: Well I don't mind, I'll cancel. I would never miss my secretary's birthday.\nRachel Green: Why did you invite him?? I can't stand that guy!\nMonica Geller: You were just being so nice to him!\nRachel Green: I was faking it! Can't you tell when I'm being fake?\nRachel Green: Hey, Mr Philips, nice suit!\nMonica Geller: Right there! That was so fake!\nRachel Green: Shh!\nRachel Green: I still can't believe you invited Gavin. Allright, he is the last person I want to see.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're welcome for the party. I'm glad you're having a good time.\nRachel Green: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.\nMonica Geller: Does he?\nRachel Green: What?\nMonica Geller: Maybe he's bothering you so much because he likes you. It's like in first grade when Skippy Langwild always pushed me on the playground because he secretly had a crush on me?\nRachel Green: Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? Honey, all those buys had a bet to see if he can knock you over.\nMolly: She's out, I'm gonna take her home.\nRachel Green: Oh, ok, thank you. Do you see what all the guys see in her?\nMonica Geller: Wouldn't kick her out of bed. No more Vodka for me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, so can I sing happy birthday to you now?\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh ... Happy birth ... oh, see you later.\nMonica Geller: Hey Rach, somebody got you shoes!\nRachel Green: Oh, give me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Be careful, be careful! These are my rat babies!\nMike Hannigan: Yeah. We have rat babies now.\nRachel Green: Ahhhh , you brought rats to my birthday party?\nMonica Geller: So this is what a stroke feels like.\nPhoebe Buffay: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.\nRachel Green: Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?\nPhoebe Buffay: No! Seven rats! I think we should take them home, we need feed them.\nRachel Green: whhh wait, you're gonna leave my party to take care of a box of rats?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help.\nRoss Geller: Where the hell are Joey and Molly? I asked you to watch them.\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, I got a little occupied.\nRoss Geller: We have to stop them before something happens!\nChandler Bing: Right behind you, big guy!\nJoey Tribbiani: So you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. It takes a lot of hard work.\nMolly: So where did you study?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I didn't go to college.\nMolly: No, where did you study acting?\nJoey Tribbiani: Molly ... people don't study acting ...\nRoss Geller: Molly, ah, do you mind giving us just a minute?\nMolly: Sure, I'll go check on Emma.\nRoss Geller: Thanx.\nJoey Tribbiani: Will the stable boy never get the princess??\nRoss Geller: What do you think you're gonna do, have sex with her right here on my couch?\nJoey Tribbiani: No ... the leather sticks to my ass. You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off? Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actally like her, and might want something real? Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel, ok? I didn't think I could ever love again.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nWoman: Hi, is Molly here?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, come on in. Molly?\nMolly: Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha . I'll see you tomorrow.\nRoss Geller: Ok ... Well, uh, Joey, I guess we have no problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, you start preparing the formula and I start changing the box and then we gotta put them straight to bed.\nMike Hannigan: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you know what, they're our responsibility now.\nMike Hannigan: Ok, fine, these rats are our responsibility. What happens when they mate and there are hundreds of them?\nPhoebe Buffay: Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah - not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a \"love the one you're with\" kind of animals.\nPhoebe Buffay: No. wh - get off your sister! Oh my god, what are we gonna do? We have 7 rats. So what if each of them has 7 rats? And then each of those have 7 rats? That's like ... That's math I can't even do! What are we gonna do?\nMike Hannigan: Well, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. Allright, so we should just give them away. But to nice families, with children, and reduced fat wheat thins. They're Bob's favorites.\nMike Hannigan: It's gonna be ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: You must think I'm crazy.\nMike Hannigan: No, I think you're sweet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. I haven't told you about that yet, have I?\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi. Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?\nMonica Geller: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I just get a little bummed when my birthday's over.\nMonica Geller: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up .\nRachel Green: Mmm hmm.\nGavin Mitchell: Yeah, hey.\nMonica Geller: Oh, we weren't talking about you. No, no way to recover.\nRachel Green: No.\nGavin Mitchell: Nice party.\nRachel Green: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...\nMonica Geller: Again, you're welcome.\nGavin Mitchell: Look, I'll just give you this and go.\nRachel Green: Oh, you bought me a present! Why?\nGavin Mitchell: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.\nRachel Green: Aww. Well, ok, well that's very nice. And you wrote a card . \"From Gavin\"\nGavin Mitchell: I really mean it.\nRachel Green: Awww, awww, it's beautiful.\nGavin Mitchell: You don't mind? Well, what do you know, it fits!\nRachel Green: See, Gavin, you're capable of being a nice guy. Why did you give me such a hard time?\nGavin Mitchell: I'm not sure.\nRachel Green: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.\nGavin Mitchell: I do have feelings for you.\nRachel Green: You do?\nGavin Mitchell: Yes, I feel that you are a little annoying.\nRachel Green: See? Why, Gavin, why? Right when I'm about to change my opinion of you, you go and you ... and you do that ...\nChandler Bing: First I was afraid, I was petrified.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, I think I've left something here.\nChandler Bing: Oh, well someone left this . This is yours?\nPhoebe Buffay: No, but I like it. I think I left one of my rat babies.\nChandler Bing: Oh, uh, well, I haven't seem it but if I do I'll let you know.\nMonica Geller: Ohmygod! Rat baby! Rat baby! Rat baby!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, maybe that's him!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?\nChandler Bing: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who everdid something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!\nRoss Geller: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about?\nChandler Bing: No!\nRoss Geller: OK! Last night after the party I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony.\nChandler Bing: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said\"No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there.\" And I said \"Maybe if we put some light out there they will\"\nRoss Geller: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony,even though there were NO LIGHTS !\nChandler Bing: So are you gonna...talk to her?\nRoss Geller: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!\nChandler Bing: You know when \"That's fine\" sounds true when someone yells it and spits!\nRoss Geller: No I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You knowI...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys shebarely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay! Ah! Ah!\nChandler Bing: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?\nRoss Geller: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me.And then the other day on the subway a woman \"accidentally\" sat on my hand.\nChandler Bing: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life!\nRoss Geller: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmentalPotluck dinner.\nChandler Bing: Why did I get married?!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well it depends.\nJoey Tribbiani: On...?\nPhoebe Buffay: On how far along he's in the sex change process!\nMonica Geller: No I totally disagree. No I think it's fine for a guy to do something like that. Such you an actor. Not that you need to,your eyebrows are...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out!\nPhoebe Buffay: Your knuckles are kinda hairy too...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Talking about high maintenance.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey hey! You dye your hair!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm a woman!\nJoey Tribbiani: Arghhh! Double standards!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh before I forget, are you coming to Mike's piano bar tonight?\nMonica Geller: Only if I don't have to get up and sing.\nPhoebe Buffay: But everybody sings. It's so much fun! Last time this adorable old man got out there, forgot all of the words, flipped outand everyone booed him off the stage. So funny.\nMonica Geller: It's just, I'm not good at singing.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! What's the matter? Are you scared? You're afraid I'm a better singer? You're afraid I'm gonna beat you at singing?\nMonica Geller: No no, it's not working on me. Wow! I must be growing up!\nPhoebe Buffay: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.\nMonica Geller: So I don't have to sing and I can just sit there and pass judgments on others?\nPhoebe Buffay: While drinking...\nMonica Geller: I'm there!\nRachel Green: Hi guys! Listen I really need your help. I think I did something really stupid.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well yes Rachel but you got something so beautiful out there.\nRachel Green: No not that. I kissed Gavin last night.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god.\nMonica Geller: You kissed him?\nRachel Green: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and...\nMonica Geller: Wait wait wait. I was at home the whole time. How did I missed that?\nPhoebe Buffay: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper.\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah...So how did you end up kissing?\nRachel Green: You know we were all alone and he was being really nice to me and, oh and he gave me this scarf...\nMonica Geller: I thought you hated him?\nRachel Green: You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line...is a scarf!\nMonica Geller: So are you thinking of starting up something with this guy?\nRachel Green: I don't know. It's so complicated. I work with this guy, you know, I have the baby, and I have Ross, and I just...I don'tknow what to do and I have to be at the office and see Gavin in ten minutes.\nMonica Geller: Sounds like you need to think about what you want, talk to Gavin, and you definitely should talk to Ross.\nRachel Green: Or...I could call in sick and not deal with it at all...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow! Five-month maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker, call in sick, they are lucky to have you!!\nSalon Girl: Hi.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.\nSalon Girl: Name?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler Bing.\nSalon Girl: Ok. Very good. Have a seat right over here Mr. Bing and Sonia will be right with you.\nJoey Tribbiani: OK Thanks.. I touched the stuff.\nSonia: I'll take care of it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?\nSonia: Oh absolutely.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh good...\nSonia: Are you looking to meet somebody?\nJoey Tribbiani: All right let's just do this.\nSonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...\nJoey Tribbiani: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!\nChandler Bing: Hey it's the most eligible man in NY. How's the moving on going?\nRoss Geller: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand but that person was neither female nor wearing pants.\nChandler Bing: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it. Single white male, divorced three times,two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself...\nRoss Geller: That's funny...Do you think you'll ever work again?\nChandler Bing: What are doing? You know I can only dish it out!\nRoss Geller: I can't believe Rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to me.\nChandler Bing: Maybe she didn't move on, you know...maybe that kiss was just an impulsive one-time birthday thing.\nRoss Geller: No no, about a month ago she gave her number to some guy in a bar.\nChandler Bing: Did she go out with him?\nRoss Geller: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.\nChandler Bing: Ah! The high road...\nRoss Geller: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there!Hey come with me!\nChandler Bing: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?\nRoss Geller: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break theice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, sothey'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one...\nChandler Bing: I thought I had to make the jokes!\nRoss Geller: Don't you have to be at work?\nChandler Bing: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!\nRoss Geller: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here's a question: \"Would you...would you rather drown or be burnt alive?\"\nBlonde Girl: Sorry...we were just leaving.\nChandler Bing: We still got it!\nRachel Green: Who is it?\nGavin Mitchell: Gavin! I brought you some soup.\nRachel Green: Why?\nGavin Mitchell: I heard you were sick...\nRachel Green: Oh! Right! Yeah! Hold on, I'll be just clean up in here a little bit! Hello Gavin.\nGavin Mitchell: I missed you at work today. How are you feeling?\nRachel Green: I a not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick.\nGavin Mitchell: Oh! Good! Because I was having a totally paranoid moment when I thought you called in sick to avoid me.\nRachel Green: Oh no no no.\nGavin Mitchell: So I had fun last night.\nRachel Green: So did I.\nGavin Mitchell: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you?\nRachel Green: It's just a cold.\nGavin Mitchell: Do you have fever? Let me see. Hum...\nRachel Green: What? What's the matter?\nGavin Mitchell: What's Ross doing to you on that picture?\nRachel Green: Oh he's dusting me with a fossil brush. He thought it would be funny.\nGavin Mitchell: Right. Right. Ross. So what's the deal with you guys? I don't want to get in the middle of anything.\nRachel Green: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really. Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!\nGavin Mitchell: Yeah! But you said not to worry about...\nRachel Green: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain!\nMolly: Hi!\nRachel Green: Oh! Molly! You're not Ross.\nMolly: No I'm here to take Emma to your mother's, remember?\nRachel Green: Right, right, yes!\nMolly: Don't panic!\nRachel Green: What?\nMolly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.\nRachel Green: No! That's OK! That's OK! That's OK! No no no no! This is my business associate Gavin. He's just being silly.Gavin come out from behind that curtain!\nGavin Mitchell: Hi! Gavin! Please to meet you. It was my idea to stand there.\nMolly: Hello! I just go and get Emma.\nRachel Green: OK.\nGavin Mitchell: So hum...Why did I have to hide?\nRachel Green: I thought it was Ross.\nGavin Mitchell: So what if it was? I thought there was nothing going on between you two...\nRachel Green: There isn't. There is totally isn't.\nGavin Mitchell: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.\nRachel Green: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not inany relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so muchhistory...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place.\nGavin Mitchell: It's OK. I know it's probably not my place but can I give you a piece of advice?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nGavin Mitchell: I think you should talk to Ross about all this.\nRachel Green: People keep saying that. Oh I'm sorry Gavin.\nGavin Mitchell: Don't be. It's just bad timing.\nRachel Green: So seriously...rodeo clown?\nGavin Mitchell: One of the best, ma'am, one of the best...\nPhoebe Buffay: \"No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world...!\" Thank you!\nMike Hannigan: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kennethsinging \"I touch myself\"...I'm not here to judge!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi hi...Oh you have got to sing.\nMonica Geller: No I told you I can't.\nPhoebe Buffay: But you would have so much fun and you have a really nice voice.\nMonica Geller: What have you heard me sing?\nPhoebe Buffay: All the time when you're cooking.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah you're always singing \"Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy\"\nMonica Geller: Yeah I do rock that one.\nPhoebe Buffay: OK so isn't there a little part of you that wants to get up there?\nMonica Geller: Just a little but...it's just so scary! I don't even know what I would sing...\nMike Hannigan: Well I've got a book around...\nMonica Geller: \"Delta Dawn\"\nRoss Geller: Hi! I could help not notice, but that's an unusual necklace.\nWoman: You already hit on me an hour ago.\nRoss Geller: Right, so that's a firm \"no\". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out.\nChandler Bing: I don't get it neither, I mean you're obviously desperate, you're asking women how they want to be killed.\nRoss Geller: This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone.\nChandler Bing: By drowning or...?!\nMichelle: Why would he break up with me?\nHer Friend: I don't know sweetie.\nMichelle: All I ever wanted was just love him and have him love me back. I mean, am I so unlovable?\nChandler Bing: Well...\nRoss Geller: I know!\nMike Hannigan: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of \"I touch myself\". Coming up next we've got Monicasinging \"Delta Dawn\".\nMonica Geller: Wait wait! I can't sing in front of all these people.\nPhoebe Buffay: Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyoneanyway.\nMonica Geller: Hi! I'm Monica and I'm gonna be singing \"Delta Dawn\"\"Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ...\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Can you totally see through her shirt ?\nMike Hannigan: Like an X-Ray. Bad day not to wear a bra.\nMonica Geller: \"To take you to his mansion in the sky-y?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I need your help.\nChandler Bing: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, I'll get new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shaped.\nChandler Bing: I am sorry, moment to make fun of that, please!\nJoey Tribbiani: You may be a sissy but I'll still . All right, it hurts so bad, I could only let her do oneeyebrow and now... they don't match!\nChandler Bing: It's like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama!\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one soI don't look stupid for my pictures.\nChandler Bing: Ok. First of all, this is green!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell am I supposed to do!\nChandler Bing: All right, I will help you out but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you.\nJoey Tribbiani: What, what.\nChandler Bing: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his \"business\" partners.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I guess you don't need my help Victor Victoria!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don't know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!\nChandler Bing: Oh, not with my combination of ice cubes, aloe Vera and my gentle self-loathing touch.\nMonica Geller: \"Take me to the mansion in the sky-y\". I am sorry, the song is over. Did you see me out there?\nPhoebe Buffay: Every little bit of you!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I'm singing for the people, and they liked me! Hey, did you hear thatone shouting \"look at those tips\"! I mean, did I really help you get a lot of tips?\nMike Hannigan: Sure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mon', not that you didn't sound good, but...\nMonica Geller: Good? Didn't you hear them...I was great! Thank you so much for making me do this. That's is the best gift ever.\nMike Hannigan: Also a good gift? Underwear.\nMichelle: Thank you so much for letting me do this. Public bathrooms freak me out, I can't even pee, let alone doanything else.\nRoss Geller: But, what's great is that you don't mind talking about it.\nMichelle: It's so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it's like you lose a boyfriend,you get a boyfriend.\nRoss Geller: Uh-ah!\nMichelle: No don't worry, this is not some rebound thing. I am totally over Eric.\nRoss Geller: . Good choice Ross.\nRachel Green: Oh, hey! Hi, there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere!\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am.\nRachel Green: Listen, my mum is not bringing the baby back until nine o' clock. So I was hoping you and I could have achance to kind of talk... somebody here?\nRoss Geller: Oh, yeah, yeah that's Michelle.\nRachel Green: Who?\nRoss Geller: Oh, just this woman I've been seeing.\nRachel Green: You've being seeing someone?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, didn't I mention that? Yeah, I mean, we haven't being going out for too long, but rather there is thisamazing connection between us. I-I mean, in fact just before you came in she called me her boyfriend. I thought it wasa little too soon, but it was also, you know, it was kinda nice.\nMichelle: What are you taking amoxicillin for?\nRoss Geller: How great is this? You are already comfortable enough to look through my stuff. Oh, I am sorry Michelle, that'smy roommate, Rachel.\nRachel Green: Hi, and I am also Emma's mother.\nMichelle: Ah, who is Emma?\nRoss Geller: I told you about my daughter.\nMichelle: This is your daughter? I can be your new mummy!\nChandler Bing: And done!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my God! I didn't feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles aroundthat sadistic bitch at the saloon.\nChandler Bing: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, I think it looks pretty good. I was a little worried I was uncovering a birthmark right aboutthere, but it turned out to be a little piece of chocolate.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thank you so much.\nChandler Bing: No problem.\nJoey Tribbiani: Listen that's a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: Comb my eyelashes.\nMonica Geller: Ok, for my next song I think I'll sing something a little more upbeat. All right? Oh, how about the PointerSisters \"I am so excited\". And make it bouncy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh you'll probably take care of that on your hands.\nChandler Bing: I am sorry I am late. You'll understand when you'll see Joey.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you're just in time, I'm about to sing another song!\nChandler Bing: Really? In front of all this people?\nMonica Geller: And they love me!\nChandler Bing: Oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, she gives the people what they want.\nMonica Geller: All right, watch!\nMonica Geller: \"Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in thistime and show me some affection...\"\nChandler Bing: Are those my wife's nipples?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh? Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before, I wouldn't have let her go up again.\nChandler Bing: I gotta stop this.\nMonica Geller: Oh, who cares, they still love me! \"I am so excited...\"\nChandler Bing: You, touching yourself, out!\nRachel Green: Wow. She does that a lot!\nMichelle: Ross, you didn't tell me you were a doctor!\nRachel Green: What, what, wait a minute! You haven't even told her you were a doctor, yet? How long have you known her, likean hour?\nMichelle: Actually about an hour and a half.\nRoss Geller: I told you it wasn't long, but there is an amazing connection between us.\nMichelle: You feel that too? Oh, I thought that was just me!\nRoss Geller: Are you kidding?\nMichelle: Hey, do you want to go away this weekend?\nRoss Geller: We'll see.\nRachel Green: Ok, Ross, what's going on here, are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, are we just kissing guys on balconies?\nRachel Green: How do you know about that?\nRoss Geller: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep...\nMichelle: Emma.\nRoss Geller: When I happened to look through the window and I see you kissing a guy you know, for what? A week?\nRachel Green: Oh, that's what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me?\nMichelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, 'cause I can't use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites.\nRoss Geller: Ok, Michelle, it's time to go.\nMichelle: Well, call me!\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nMichelle: No, wait, you don't have my phone number!\nRoss Geller: You know, if it's meant to be, I'll guess it. Bye, bye.\nRachel Green: Score.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I am sorry, did you not like her, because I was hoping that we could come to one of your kissing parties onthe balcony.\nRachel Green: Oh God, I can't believe you're making such a big deal about this. It was one kiss, one guy, one time!\nRoss Geller: Oh, really!\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh, really!\nRachel Green: Oh yeah.\nRoss Geller: What about the guy from the bar?\nRachel Green: What? Who?\nRoss Geller: The guy you gave your number to.\nRachel Green: Whoa, how do you know about that?\nRoss Geller: Because he called here looking for you. So don't tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing,ok? You've been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn't even have the courtesy to tell me.\nRachel Green: Why didn't I get that message?\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: From the guy in the bar, why didn't I get that message?\nRoss Geller: Because I folded it up and put in my pants pocket. Do you...do you not look there?\nRachel Green: Ross?\nRoss Geller: I never gave it to you.\nRachel Green: Why?\nRoss Geller: I don't know.\nRachel Green: Oh God. You know what? Who you think you are? Who are you to decide what messages I should or should not get?\nRoss Geller: Who am I?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nRoss Geller: I am the guy who's taking care of our baby while you're out at bars meeting guys!\nRachel Green: Oh my God, I cannot believe this. You know I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with youAbout us! But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment!\nRoss Geller: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! That's not the point. Ok? The point is you...you are the oneWho moved on and didn't tell anyone!\nRachel Green: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What's wrong with us? You know when people hear about our situation theyAlways ask, \"what, you live together but you're not a couple? And you have a baby, isn't that weird? And I say \"No.You know what, it's not, because it works for us! But you know this doesn't work. In fact this is the opposite of working!\nRoss Geller: Uh, clearly.\nRachel Green: And you know, we said that we would, we would live together as long as this makes sense. An maybe this, you know,Just doesn't make sense anymore.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, maybe not. So what you wanna do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ha, oh, of course.\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Your eyebrows look weird.\nChandler Bing: \"Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine, never understood a single word he said, but I helped himdrink his wine.\" So you just touch yourself for anything?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Morning, roomie!\nRachel Green: Hey! You remembered to put clothes on this morning.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fifth day's a charm.\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it's great having you back. You know, stay as long as you want, and when does she stop crying all night?\nRoss Geller: Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?\nRachel Green: Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around six, but she's in the bedroom all ready to go. But she did actually fall back to sleep, so...\nJoey Tribbiani: She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.\nRachel Green: Bye!\nRoss Geller: Bye! Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it too hard on you.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, hey, it's been great.\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that'll do it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! So, how are you?\nRoss Geller: I'm, I'm okay.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really?\nRoss Geller: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, actually it...\nRoss Geller: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow, really?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, sure, why not? In fact, if you know anyone that would be good for me...\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, I know lots of girls.\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Any names come to mind?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, names? Opening credits.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?\nPhoebe Buffay: What you got?\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.\nPhoebe Buffay: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Why are they doing this?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.\nJoey Tribbiani: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?\nPhoebe Buffay: I just wish they'd realise they should be together.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.\nPhoebe Buffay: You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realise how good they are for each other.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, that's a great plan!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my \"plan-laugh.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...\nRachel Green: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: You guys aren't doing anything tonight, are you?\nChandler Bing: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.\nRachel Green: I was just asking 'cause I need someone to watch Emma tonight.\nMonica Geller: Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?\nRachel Green: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god.\nChandler Bing: Wow.\nRachel Green: Why? What's the big deal?\nMonica Geller: Just figured, 'cause you and Ross are...\nRachel Green: What, slept together a year and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.\nChandler Bing: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!\nMonica Geller: You want a job? Turn off \"Oprah,\" and send out a resume!\nRachel Green: So I'll bring her by around seven? Is that okay?\nMonica Geller: Oh, it's perfect.\nRachel Green: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!\nChandler Bing: Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right! Who is he?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!\nPhoebe Buffay: A teacher?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my god, you're right!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: She even reads for pleasure!\nPhoebe Buffay: How do you even know a woman like that?\nJoey Tribbiani: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.\nPhoebe Buffay: So now what do we do?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.\nPhoebe Buffay: What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh...I hear that's bad.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, yes, The Plan!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's...\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I think we killed it.\nChandler Bing: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.\nChandler Bing: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's okay, it's okay. I didn't go. Don't cry, it's just a bit! I'm your uncle Chandler; funny is all I have!\nMonica Geller: Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be ovulating from tomorrow until the sixth, so don't touch yourself in the next 48 hours.\nChandler Bing: I don't do that.\nChandler Bing: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: Today is the sixth.\nMonica Geller: No, it's not.\nChandler Bing: Yes, it's also 2003.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god. Today's the sixth?! I may be done ovulating! I may have also served some very questionable meat at the restaurant.\nChandler Bing: It's okay. Go take the test and see if we're okay.\nMonica Geller: Okay.\nChandler Bing: Tough crib.\nMonica Geller: Hey, where are all my ovulation-sticks? There's only one here.\nChandler Bing: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!\nRoss Geller: Excuse me, is there a woman waiting at the bar? Someone average height, dark hair, perhaps doing a puzzle?\nWaiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.\nRoss Geller: Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.\nWaiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?\nRoss Geller: Nah, I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I go home alone.\nWaiter: Got stood up, huh?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.\nWaiter: Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?\nRoss Geller: No!\nMonica Geller: We're okay. I'm still ovulating.\nChandler Bing: Oh, good, because as of four o'clock this afternoon, I am not.\nMonica Geller: So, let's do this.\nChandler Bing: I - I don't think I can.\nMonica Geller: Come on. I know you're not eighteen anymore, but give it a minute.\nChandler Bing: Because of Emma.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, Emma. Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here. Oh, you're right, we can't do this. We can't leave her alone.\nChandler Bing: Sorry.\nMonica Geller: Unless... Maybe we do it here. I mean, how much can she even be aware of at this age?\nChandler Bing: Well, she's aware when we leave the room. She may notice if we start... canoodling in it.\nMonica Geller: Canoodling?\nChandler Bing: Well, I can't say \"hump\" or \"screw\" in front of the B-A-B-Y.\nMonica Geller: I don't know. I mean, I guess having sex in front of a baby isn't so...\nChandler Bing: Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?\nMonica Geller: I guess you're right.\nChandler Bing: You guess I'm right? When we stayed at that bed and breakfast, you wouldn't have sex with me because you thought a deer was staring through the window.\nMonica Geller: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?\nRachel Green: Wow, everything looks so good! I think I'm gonna have the chicken.\nSteve: I - I just have to say this; you're really beautiful.\nRachel Green: Oh, well, that's - that's very sweet. Thank you.\nSteve: I'm kind of funny looking.\nRachel Green: What?\nSteve: Oh, come on, you're way out of my league. Everybody in here knows it. Bet that guy over there's probably saying, \"ooh, why she out with him? He must be rich!\" Well, I'm not!\nRachel Green: So, what do think you wanna order? I'm really excited about that chicken.\nSteve: I'm not funny either. So, if you were thinking, \"well, he's not that good-looking, but maybe we'll have some laughs\"... That ain't gonna happen.\nRachel Green: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.\nSteve: I lost it. To drugs.\nSteve: I silk-screen t-shirts now.\nRachel Green: Really? What's that like?\nSteve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.\nRachel Green: Now, come on, come on, Steve. There must be something that you like about yourself.\nSteve: I do like my hair.\nRachel Green: Really?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello?\nRachel Green: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Rach!\nRachel Green: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.\nRachel Green: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.\nRachel Green: He's not stoned.\nPhoebe Buffay: Did he go out for a cigarette?\nRachel Green: Yeah, four times.\nPhoebe Buffay: My dear, sweet Rach.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.\nPhoebe Buffay: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.\nMonica Geller: She's asleep. Chandler?\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Emma was doing it!\nMonica Geller: She's asleep.\nChandler Bing: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...\nMonica Geller: Yes, but we have to be fast.\nChandler Bing: Okay, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.\nMonica Geller: Okay, I'll try.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nJoey Tribbiani: Emma? Hey! Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?\nJoey Tribbiani: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!\nWaiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.\nRoss Geller: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.\nWaiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.\nRoss Geller: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.\nWaiter: Ooh...\nRoss Geller: Just the crab cakes.\nWaiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.\nWaiter: Just get out of here, okay?\nRoss Geller: What's - what's going on?\nWaiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.\nRoss Geller: What? You - you're making money off my misery?\nWaiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.\nRoss Geller: This is unbelievable. I - I have never been so insulted in my life. Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.\nMonica Geller: Well, that was weird. You were loud, and I was fast.\nChandler Bing: I think we may have really done it this time.\nMonica Geller: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.\nChandler Bing: You may wanna get some more of those too.\nChandler Bing: Where's Emma?\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, where's Emma? Where's Emma?\nChandler Bing: Don't ask me, I was in there canoodling you!\nMonica Geller: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.\nChandler Bing: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.\nSteve: I - I can't believe I'm crying in front of you. You must think I'm so pathetic.\nRachel Green: No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.\nSteve: Really?\nRachel Green: Don't touch my coat!\nRachel Green: Oh, sorry, it's my phone. Hello?\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rach, how's it going?\nRachel Green: Oh my god, this is the worst date ever!\nRachel Green: Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well? What's up?\nMonica Geller: Hey, did you stop by here?\nRachel Green: No.\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, then...\nMonica Geller: Oh, thank god! Emma, there you are!\nRachel Green: What? What do you mean, \"there you are\"? Where was she?\nMonica Geller: Oh, we were playing \"peek-a-boo.\" She just - she loves it when I'm dramatic.\nMonica Geller: Why the hell did you take her?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because you two were having sex!\nMonica Geller: No, we weren't!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?\nChandler Bing: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.\nChandler Bing: No, no, no.\nMonica Geller: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I gotta! Unless...\nMonica Geller: Unless what?\nJoey Tribbiani: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.\nChandler Bing: What? Why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.\nChandler Bing: Your family name is Tribbiani.\nJoey Tribbiani: You almost had me.\nRachel Green: Well, uh...\nSteve: Look, I think I know the answer to this question, but... Would you like to make love to me?\nRachel Green: Really, really not.\nSteve: Eh, it's just as well. Doesn't work anyway.\nRachel Green: All right, well that's good to know. Good night, Steve.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what's wrong?\nRachel Green: I just had a rough night.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Crab cake?\nRachel Green: Eww!\nRoss Geller: Well, what happened?\nRachel Green: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...\nRoss Geller: Monica told me you had a blind date.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: I did, too.\nRachel Green: Oh.\nRoss Geller: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?\nRachel Green: Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?\nRoss Geller: Why does everyone keep saying that?\nRachel Green: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.\nRoss Geller: That bad?\nRachel Green: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.\nRoss Geller: Female body inspector? What size is that?\nPhoebe Buffay: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-huh.\nPhoebe Buffay: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.\nRoss Geller: The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.\nRachel Green: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute; you don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.\nJoey Tribbiani: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!\nJoey Tribbiani: Where?\nPhoebe Buffay: Mexico! End credits.\nJoey Tribbiani: Can you believe they're still not here?\nRoss Geller: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?\nWaiter: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: We've been stood up. And we want our free crab cakes.\nWaiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.\nSteve: I have such fat hands!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what.\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?!\nMonica Geller: Really? Let's get past the moment.\nPhoebe Buffay: What's your news?\nChandler Bing: Thank you. I got a job in advertising.\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey, that's incredible!\nPhoebe Buffay: Gosh, what's the pay like? Oh, come on people... come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! Hey Joey!\nChandler Bing: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'.\nChandler Bing: Right. So, it'll be the same except... less sex with you.\nRoss Geller: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there?\nChandler Bing: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's great.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating.\nChandler Bing: Humiliating and noble!\nRoss Geller: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising.\nMonica Geller: Ross, you did not come up with \"got milk?\"\nRoss Geller: Yes, I did, I did! I should have written it down!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Where's Chandler? I wanna wish him good luck on his first day. ... and I smelled bacon.\nMonica Geller: He just left.\nJoey Tribbiani: Who did?\nRachel Green: Joey! You never gonna believe it: she called.\nJoey Tribbiani: She did?\nRachel Green: You got it!\nJoey Tribbiani: I did?\nMonica Geller: What is she talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, but it sounds great.\nRachel Green: Your agent called. You got that audition.\nJoey Tribbiani: With Lennart Haze?\nRachel Green: Yes.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my god, that is great! That is *** for a play on broadway... and in a real theatre, not that little one underneath the dally like last time.\nMonica Geller: Is it a good play?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, it must be, because I read and I didn't understand a singe word.\nRachel Green: Yeah, and Lennart Haze is starring in it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, and directing.\nMonica Geller: He was so good in that movie of MacBeth.\nRachel Green: You saw that?\nMonica Geller: No, but... I saw the previews. They played it right before Jackass.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he's done some amazing works.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah. Oh, I loved him in those cell phone commercials.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know. When the monkey hits him in the face with that giant rubber phone.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Maybe the monkey will be at the audition!\nJoey Tribbiani: Don't make me more nervous than I already am!\nChandler Bing: Good morning, everybody.\nIntern: Can I get you a cup of coffee, Sir?\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no, I'm an intern, just like you guys... except for the tie, the briefcase... and the fact that I can rent a car.\nIntern: Seriously, you're an intern?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, well, I'm kinda heading into a new career direction and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom.\nIntern: Dude!\nChandler Bing: Right. Look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.\nChandler Bing: The comedian? USO?!\nIntern: Uhm, it's USA, sir.\nReceptionist: This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey, these are the producers and, as you probably already know, this is Lennart Haze.\nJoey Tribbiani: It is so amazing to meet you. I'm such a big fan of your work.\nLennart: Well, I've... I've been blessed with a... a lot of great roles.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tell me about it! \"Unlimited nights and weekends!\"\nLennart: You making fun of me? Because I am not a sell-out. I didn't do that for the money, I believe in those phones. I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I-I-I wasn't making fun of you, honestly, I-I think you were great in those commercials.\nLennart: Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nLennart: Well, I do bring a certain credibility to the role.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kiddin'? When they shoot you out of that cannon.\nLennart: Peeeeeooooooooch \"Hang up that phone!\" One take!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow!\nLennart: So, shall we read?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yah, sure.\nLennart: Top of act two. This is my entrance. You got it?\nLennart: \"What the hell are you still doing here\"?\nJoey Tribbiani: Err, \"I think you know\".\nLennart: \"Bastard\"!\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I am what you made me. You know what? I could go right now.\"\nLennart: \"Go, go!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I can't. Oh, I want to, long pause, but I can't.\"\nLennart: I'm sorry, sorry. You're not supposed to say \"long pause\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, I thought that was your character's name, you know, I thought you were like an Indian or something, you know with a...\nLennart: No. Thank you so much for coming in. We appreciate it, thank you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, y-y-you're sure you don't want me to do it again? I could do it with an accent, you know, Southern \"I could go right now, maaan!\"\nLennart: My god in heaven.\nProducer #1: Joey, hang on for a second. Lennart, can we talk to you for a moment?\nLennart: You, you gotta be kidding. See, h-he, he can't act. .\nLennart: Hey! I-I-I don't care if he's hot, you know. If you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. This is a play. No, listen: if you insist on this, I will call my agent so fast on a cell phone that has a connection that is so clear he's gonna think I'm next door.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, hi, ah. Thank you so much for whispering for my benefit, but, ah, look, if you just tell me what I did wrong, I'd just love to work on it and come back and try it again for you. And, and also: 'How you doing?' You should, please, just gimme another chance. I really wanna get better, please.\nLennart: Well, if you wanna come back at the end of the day today, here are my notes. Ready?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nLennart: Uhm, you're in your head. You-you're thinking way too much.\nJoey Tribbiani: I really doubt that.\nLennart: No, no, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no urgency. The scene is a struggle, uhm, it's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal. Don't be afraid to explore the vertical. And don't learn the words. Let the words learn you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, do you wanna go to dinner tonight?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I can't. I've got a date with that waitress, Katy, yeah, I know we've been only going out like twice, but I have a really good feeling about her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I hear divorce bells.\nLowell (mugger): Alright. Just give me your wallets and there won't be a problem.\nRoss Geller: What?\nLowell (mugger): I have a gun.\nRoss Geller: O-ok. Just relax, Phoene, just stay calm. . Oh my god, I can't find my wallet.\nLowell (mugger): Alright, lady, now give me your purse!\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRoss Geller: What do you mean \"no\"? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay.\nPhoebe Buffay: Lowell, is that you?\nLowell (mugger): Phoebe? Oh my god!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, Ross, this is my old friend Lowell from the streets. Lowell, Ross.\nLowell (mugger): Ross, nice to meet you.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, a real pleasure.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah, it's been so long, so long. I can't believe you're still doing this!\nLowell (mugger): Ough, I know, but I quit smoking!\nPhoebe Buffay: Good for you!\nLowell (mugger): So you look like you're doing really well! I guess you're mugging days are behind you?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ouh...\nRoss Geller: Oh my god. Phoebe, you used to mug people?\nPhoebe Buffay: Excuse me, Ross, old friends catching up.\nMonica Geller: Hey, how did the audition go?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, they wanna see me again this afternoon, but, err, well, Lennart Haze did not like me.\nMonica Geller: What happened?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, he said I wasn't urgent enough, you know, and that everything I did was horizontal and I should be more vertical. Oh, and he said that I should think less.\nMonica Geller: So far so good!\nChandler Bing: Honey, I'm old!\nMonica Geller: What's wrong?\nChandler Bing: I am so much older than these other interns. I can't compete with them.\nMonica Geller: So you're a little older. Try to look at the positive: You have all this life experience.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but I don't think life experience with these.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wooooooooow It's like they're on fire!\nMonica Geller: What are they?\nChandler Bing: They're these prototype sneakers and come up with ideas on how to sell them which I can't do because no self-respecting adult would ever where these.\nJoey Tribbiani: I give you $ 500 for them!\nChandler Bing: What am I supposed to do with these?\nMonica Geller: Ah, come on, sneakers are easy. You wear sneakers all the time.\nChandler Bing: Well, first of all, they're not called \"sneakers\" anymore. Apparently, they're called \"kicks\" or \"skids\" and I think I heard somebody say \"slorps\". And here, look: they've got these wheels to pop out from the bottom so you can roll around 'cause, apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood obesity! Would you help me try to sell these?\nMonica Geller: Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers?\nChandler Bing: No, I don't think that's the kinda thing they're looking for.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that'd work on me! Why did I get to buy Mrs. Butterwords?\nEveryone: Hey, hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you'll never guess what just happened... Phoebe and I got mugged!\nMonica Geller: You okay?!\nRoss Geller: Yah, because Phoebe knew the mugger!\nMonica Geller: How do you know a mugger?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us.\nRoss Geller: You wanna know how she knew him? Because Phoebe used to mug people.\nMonica Geller: Seriously?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I'm not proud of it, but, you know... sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, that is awful!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, ok, I wasn't rich like you guys, ok, I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony... I had a hard life, my mother was killed by a drug dealer.\nMonica Geller: You're mother killed herself!\nPhoebe Buffay: She was a drug dealer!\nRoss Geller: Well, anyway, it was a good thing Phoebe knew the knew him, because I was about to do some serious damage!\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: Well, this must've brought back some really bad memories for you, Ross.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nMonica Geller: Well, Ross was mugged as a kid.\nPhoebe Buffay: You were?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it was pretty traumatic. I was outside St. Marc's Comics... you know, I-I-I was just there minding my own business, you know, seeing what kinda trouble spiderman got into that week-\nMonica Geller: Wonderwoman!\nRoss Geller: Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery, you know, to pick up a couple of dozen Linzer torts for someone... ... when outta nowhere this thug with a pipe jumps out and says: \"Gimme your money, punk!\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my god.\nRoss Geller: I know! And-and the worst part was they took my backpack which had all the original artwork I had done for my own comic book: \"Science Boy\"\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah! What was his superpower again?\nRoss Geller: A superhuman thirst for knowledge.\nMonica Geller: That's it.\nRoss Geller: Well, I-I better get to class Are there any more of your friends I should look out for on my way, Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: No... actually, you might wanna stay away from Jane street... that's where stabby Joe works.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, I think we have a problem here.\nMonica Geller: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, uhm, back in my mugging days, you know, I, uhm, I worked St. Marc's Comics.\nMonica Geller: Yeah?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, a pipe was my weapon of choice and, uhm, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat.\nMonica Geller: So?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said-\nMonica Geller: Oh my god!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know... I mugged Ross!\nReceptionist: You're late!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I'm sorry, but can I just have a quick second to run to the bathroom?\nReceptionist: No, Lennart doesn't wait!\nJoey Tribbiani: But I'm bursting with u-hu!\nLennart: Joey! Here we go. Let's go very quickly!\nJoey Tribbiani: Actually, I really need.\nLennart: We must go now, quickly, please.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes... ahahaaa.\nLennart: Ready? \"What the hell are you still doing here?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I think you know!\"\nLennart: \"Oh, you sick bastard!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I am what you made me! You know what?\"\nLennart: \"What?\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I could go right now.\"\nLennart: \"Then go, go!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I, oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!\"\nLennart: Cut! That was good. That was very good. You did everything I asked for.\nJoey Tribbiani: I did?\nLennart: Yes. Plus... what you've got that... I don't know what you've got going... this squirmy quality that you bring into the character that I couldn't've even imagined. Wow, hey, here's what we gonna do: come back tomorrow for the final callbacks with the ***, do all of this what you've got going now, but you know what? more, more. Can you do that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Sure, yeah. I don't have time to say thank you because I really gotta go.\nLennart: Look at that: still in character, I like it... I plant seeds I can't explain.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Putting on the sneakers... thought I'd get into a younger mindset, you know, to see if it sparked anything.\nRachel Green: Oh, anything yet?\nChandler Bing: Yes, how's this: They're so uncomfortable it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEveryone: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Probably wanna know what I'm doing...?\nMonica Geller: No, that seems about right.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yesterday at my audition, I really had to pee, and apparently, having to pee makes me a really good actor. I got a call-back, so I'm drinking everything. Oh, by the way, that egg nog in our fridge was great!\nRachel Green: Joey, that was formula.\nJoey Tribbiani: We gotta get more of that.\nChandler Bing: You know what... these aren't half-bad! You should suggest something like these to Ralph Lauren.\nRachel Green: Okay, first of all, that's stupid and second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph.\nChandler Bing: Alright I feel youger already!\nChandler Bing: Yah, I think I broke my hip.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, you!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, how was class?\nRoss Geller: No one ever asked me that, what's wrong?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nothing, I really wanna know.\nRoss Geller: Oh... Well, uhm, there was actually a rather lively discussion about the Pleistocene.\nPhoebe Buffay: Alright, nothing is worth this. Uhm, I have a confession to make... uhm, okay, you know, that girl that mugged you when you were a kid.\nRoss Geller: Wh-What are you talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude.\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't have to lie anymore, Ross, I know that it was a fourteen year-old girl.\nRoss Geller: No, it wasn't.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, it was.\nRoss Geller: No, it wasn't. You don't think I would've defended myself against a fourteen year-old.\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Gimme your money, punk!\"\nRoss Geller: Oh my god, it was you! I can't believe it, you... you mugged me?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, and I'm so, so sorry, Ross, I'm sorry, but, you know, if you think about it, it's kinda neat. I mean, well, it's just that I I've always felt kinda like an outsider, you know, the rest of you have these connections that go way back and, you know, now, you and I have... have a great one!\nRoss Geller: It's not the best!\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I don't know what to say.\nRoss Geller: There's nothing you can say. That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really? Even more humiliating than.\nRoss Geller: Hey, let's not do this!\nIntern: ... and then, at the end of the commercial, the girls get out of the hut tub and start making out with each other!\nBoss: That's interesting! Just one thought: You didn't mention the shoes. Who's next? Chander.\nChandler Bing: Okay... You start on the image of a guy putting on the shoes. He's about my age.\nIntern: Your age?\nChandler Bing: A-huh. So he's rolling down the street and he starts to lose control, you know... maybe he falls... maybe hurts himself. Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes. He jumps over the old guy and laughs, and the line reads: \"Not suitable for adults!\"\nBoss: Chandler, that's great!\nChandler Bing: Oh, thank you, sir... or man-who's-two-years-younger-than-me.\nBoss: You see? That has a clear selling point. It appeals to our key demographic, it's... You did you come up with that?\nChandler Bing: I don't know, I don' I don' know! I was just trying to get into a young mindset, you know, and it just started to flow.\nBoss: That is great. Good work! Chandler. Thank you.\nBoss: See all of you tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: The cold weather hurts my hip!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, Ross! I know you're still mad at me, but can I just talk to you for a second?\nRoss Geller: Sure, go ahead. Whoops, sorry, sure, go ahead.\nPhoebe Buffay: I just really wanted to apologize again and... and also show you something I think you'll find very exciting.\nRoss Geller: Oh my god, crap from the street?\nPhoebe Buffay: Look, Ross, in this box are all the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell... or smoke. Anyway, I was looking through it and I found \"Science Boy\"\nRoss Geller: Oh my god. I never thought I'd see this again. It's all here. What made you save it all these years?\nPhoebe Buffay: I can't say, I just thought it was really good... and... maybe would be worth something some day.\nRoss Geller: You really thought \"Science Boy\" was worth saving!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah... but you should know, I also have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here.\nRoss Geller: Still... this is amazing... Oh my god, thank you, Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're welcome. And thank you for \"Science Boy\". I learned a lot from him.\nRoss Geller: You're welcome.\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I need an answer!\"\nLennart: \"I-I-I can't tell you somethin' I don't know.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"You know!\"\nLennart: \"I don't know!\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"I need an answer now!\"\nLennart: \"Alright, here, you want an answer... the answer... is...\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nLennart: \"She never loved me, she only loved you.\"\nJoey Tribbiani: \"You knew this all along and you never told me? You never told me? I can never forgive you, I can never forgive myself, I have nothing to live for Bang End Scene!\"\nLennart: Absolutely amazing! The part is yours.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh thanks, thanks! Now, I really have to get.\nLennart: Wa-wa-wa-wait! Congratulations! You did it! You did it! You can relax now. Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Wow, that's a big cable bill! Huh, you don't have a job, but you have no problem ordering porn... on a Saturday afternoon?! I was in the house!\nRoss Geller: Hey, uhm, Phoebe didn't by any chance mention that.\nMonica Geller: ... that she was the huge guy that mugged you? Yah.\nRoss Geller: I see. You didn't happen to tell.\nMonica Geller: ... everybody we know? Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Great. Thanks!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Did you see our bank statement? Can this be right?\nMonica Geller: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?\nChandler Bing: I'm not sure what they did, but I'm inclined to blame Enron.\nMonica Geller: I guess with you doing the internship, we're just spending more than we're bringing in.\nChandler Bing: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.\nMonica Geller: Oh, But you're finally doing something that you love! I can't ask you to give that up. Though it'd be nice if the thing that you love was y'know... finding gold.\nChandler Bing: You know what? You know what? I think we're making too big a deal out of this. ok? So we pay our bills a little late this month and maybe next month we cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're chef... what can you make out of backing soda and beer?\nMonica Geller: Ok worse case scenario is...we borrow some money from my parents.\nChandler Bing: No! We're not borrowing money.\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.\nMonica Geller: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.\nChandler Bing: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.\nMike Hannigan: I'm gonna go.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why??\nMike Hannigan: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh...you don't have to go, I have something that will fit you.\nMike Hannigan: I put that tube top on as a joke.\nPhoebe Buffay: I want you to stay.\nMike Hannigan: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..\nPhoebe Buffay: Why don't you turn them inside ou...\nMike Hannigan: Done it. I'll be back in a couple of hours.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'll miss you.\nMike Hannigan: Me too. You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.\nPhoebe Buffay: Great! Ok...I'll go get the tube top.\nMike Hannigan: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say \"Hell yeah!\"\nMike Hannigan: So we're doing it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! Oh god, we're really going to move in together!\nMike Hannigan: Yeah!\nPhoebe Buffay: I've always wanted to live with a guy. \"Pick up your socks!\" \"Put down the toilet seat!\" \"No! We're not having sex anymore!\" It's gonna be fun!\nMonica Geller: Hey Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend, it would be wrong. Good...But wrong.\nMonica Geller: Ok first of all...It would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. I need to borrow some money.\nJoey Tribbiani: Aww, I don't know Monica y'know... erm... lending friends money is always a mistake.\nMonica Geller: But Chandler lent you money!\nJoey Tribbiani: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake.\nMonica Geller: Come on...I just need it for some rent and..and some other bills.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh...how much?\nMonica Geller: Two thousand dollars?\nJoey Tribbiani: Two thousand dollars!? What do you think I am? I soap opera star!?\nMonica Geller: Yeah...\nJoey Tribbiani: That's right I am!\nRachel Green: Hi you guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oo...what's in the bag?\nRachel Green: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. \"Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!\" or er.. \"Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!\" Huh!\nMonica Geller: Anyway erm, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?\nRachel Green: No. I was just going to do this myself.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're gonna do it?\nRachel Green: Yeah, Why? You don't think a woman can do this?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, women can. You can't.\nRachel Green: Monica...would you please tell Joey that he is a pig?\nMonica Geller: You're a pig. And you can't do this.\nRachel Green: Wha!? What!? Come on! I found the hardware store all by myself!\nJoey Tribbiani: The hardware store is right down the street.\nRachel Green: There is a hardware store right down the street?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Ok, we've got great news.\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe and I are moving in together.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know it's so exciting! You know I've never lived with a guy before.\nMonica Geller: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing \"This is what my sister would look like\"\nChandler Bing: Yeah... she's not so cute.\nMike Hannigan: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, well you put down the toilet seat.\nMike Hannigan: Yes dear.\nMonica Geller: Is that a bit you guys do?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh...we're playing you two.\nMonica Geller: We don't do that! Tell her we don't do that!\nChandler Bing: Yes dear.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's, that's great! I mean...I'm happy for you guys..\nMonica Geller: I hear wedding bells.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!\nMike Hannigan: You ready to go?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! You bet roomy!\nMonica Geller: Don't you mean..groomy?\nMike Hannigan: What are you talking about?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns.\nPhoebe Buffay: China patterns!!!!!\nRachel Green: This is easy...Can't do this! Oh! Wow! Seriously I can't do this.\nChandler Bing: Hey Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Listen er..I need to ask you a favor but you can't tell Monica anything about it.\nJoey Tribbiani: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica.\nChandler Bing: And that would have made the official party line. Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know.\nChandler Bing: What? What do you mean you know?\nJoey Tribbiani: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Right.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's the fastest I have ever thought!\nChandler Bing: Anyway, err... I need to borrow some money.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Sure! How much? Two thousand dollars?\nChandler Bing: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that!\nJoey Tribbiani: Err...Well I...Know how much you used to make and I know how much your rent is.\nChandler Bing: Oh ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: I am on fire! Chandler : Listen...this is really nice. Do you... Did you write a cheque to Monica for two thousand dollars? Did Monica borrow money from you?\nJoey Tribbiani: Err... Kind of.\nChandler Bing: I can't believe her! Did she tell you we were having money problems?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh no no no no no... It wasn't... It wasn't because of your money problems, it was for something for her.\nChandler Bing: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Something personal.\nChandler Bing: What would she get for herself for two thousand dollars that she wouldn't tell me about?\nWoman: Excuse me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Boob job.\nMonica Geller: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well it's...It's not that crazy okay? Making them smaller, that would be crazy.\nMike Hannigan: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little \"groomy\" joke.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! Alright. Well I think the reason people laugh is becuase it's a play on the word roomy.\nMike Hannigan: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no! No no! Not at all. We're just moving in right now. See where it goes.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah well, that's the thing. For me it's as far as it can ever go.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you mean?\nMike Hannigan: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh. Wow.\nMike Hannigan: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: Was it really that bad?\nMike Hannigan: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.\nMike Hannigan: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!\nPhoebe Buffay: But it's just...\nMike Hannigan: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh!\nMike Hannigan: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.\nPhoebe Buffay: No! I definitely don't wanna get married. No I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to too. Whew! Coz you know when we move in and you start changing your mind there's gonna be hell to pay mister!\nMike Hannigan: Trust me, I will never...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I get that.\nRachel Green: Hi!\nMonica Geller: So you gave in and decided to call someone?\nRachel Green: Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks.\nHandyman: You're all set.\nRachel Green: Oh thank you so much. Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game.\nHandyman: Thanks...\nChandler Bing: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.\nRachel Green: Don't look at me I never get his jokes.\nMonica Geller: Thank you?\nChandler Bing: Oh no..don't thank me. Thank you. You know there's not one thing I would change about you? Not one single thing! And definitely not... two... single things.\nMonica Geller: Ok, you're being wierd. Do you want sex or did you do something bad?\nChandler Bing: No no! I just love the way you look, I am warm, for your form.\nMonica Geller: Ok..You know the old classics you know,You look nice? They're still ok.\nChandler Bing: Well yes yes... You look nice can mean that your face looks nice. I want to compliment your body. I mean..I wouldn't change it. At all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.\nMonica Geller: Okay...\nChandler Bing: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.\nRachel Green: Just when you thought that dude couldn't get any wierder.\nMonica Geller: I know why do you think he was so worried about me getting bigger?\nRachel Green: I don't know! I mean, what brought that on?\nMonica Geller: Oh my god. We're trying to get pregnant so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact that my body is going to change.\nRachel Green: No you really think that's what it is?\nMonica Geller: You heard him! \"No bigger!\" \"You're perfect!\" \"Just don't get any bigger!\" Oh my god he sounded just like my high school wrestling coach. You know what? I'm going to have to talk to Chandler.\nRachel Green: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. God! It's just such a magical time!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.\nRoss Geller: Oh great now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean I can see for all hanging out but to come to my home!\nPhoebe Buffay: No...I really wanted to know how you feel about it.\nRoss Geller: Why?\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike doesn't ever wanna get married.\nRoss Geller: Never?\nPhoebe Buffay: Never.\nRoss Geller: wow, are you still going to move in with him?\nPhoebe Buffay: I want to, but I just want you to tell me that marriage isn't really that big a deal. You know that I won't, I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, marriage... stinks! I mean if you wanna see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving? Get them married.\nPhoebe Buffay: That's not how you really feel is it?\nRoss Geller: No, I'm sorry. Look I don't think that's what you wanna hear right now but I can't help it. I love marriage.\nPhoebe Buffay: Seriously? You divorce-o?\nRoss Geller: If you have to call me name, I prefer \"Ross the Divorcer\". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.\nPhoebe Buffay: It's ok that's how you feel.\nRoss Geller: But come on! I mean living together will be great! I mean you guys have so much fun and you love Mike.\nPhoebe Buffay: I do love Mike.\nRoss Geller: Yeah see? And you are so excited about moving in together before, and you know what? You should be. It's a big deal!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah I guess you're right. Yeah thanks. This helped. Thanks.\nRoss Geller: The Divorcer, to the rescue!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not cooler.\nRoss Geller: Yeah I just hurt it.\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach?! Rachel!!!!? So I can't do anything I like????\nChandler Bing: Hey Rach! Ah... Perfection. Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.\nMonica Geller: Honey?\nChandler Bing: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: About that? Erm...I'm going to change.\nChandler Bing: But honey you don't have to.\nMonica Geller: I'm going to get bigger!\nChandler Bing: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!\nRachel Green: Argh. fascist.\nMonica Geller: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.\nChandler Bing: your ass?!?!?\nRachel Green: Man, don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too!\nChandler Bing: They...do that?\nMonica Geller: It's kind of a package deal!\nChandler Bing: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?\nMonica Geller: I thought I was something that we both wanted!\nChandler Bing: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?\nRachel Green: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?\nChandler Bing: What?\nRachel Green: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because she is!\nMonica Geller: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.\nJoey Tribbiani: Mmmm hmm! For your boob job!\nJoey Tribbiani: OK so I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?\nRoss Geller: Hey! What do you guys think about this. \"Ross: The Divorce-Force\".\nPhoebe Buffay: Better.\nMike Hannigan: Very cool.\nRoss Geller: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah you were helpful! Yeah, no, thanks you.\nRoss Geller: Good, good. Yeah coz the more I thought about it, the more I realised I don't think marriage is neccessarily the right path for you.\nPhoebe Buffay: What do you mean?\nRoss Geller: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?\nPhoebe Buffay: They are awfully boxy...\nRoss Geller: I don't know you'd be so bored with marriage. I mean it's so... normal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh huh.\nRoss Geller: Hey hey, can I help?\nChandler Bing: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.\nRoss Geller: You know sometimes your words... they hurt.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey uh, where do you guys want this?\nRachel Green: Yeah, seriously coz this is really heavy. I mean not for me because i'm only pretending to hold this, but for these guys.\nPhoebe Buffay: Just one last time erm... the marriage thing... there's no wiggle room? None at all?\nMike Hannigan: No but... You don't want to get married either right?\nPhoebe Buffay: Right. Except that I do want to get married.\nJoey Tribbiani: Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck huh?\nMike Hannigan: You wanna get married?\nPhoebe Buffay: Someday.\nChandler Bing: Aaaaand... hernia.\nPhoebe Buffay: I haven't exactly had a normal life and I never really felt I was missing out on anything but it just feels that now it's my turn some of the regular stuff.\nMike Hannigan: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.\nMike Hannigan: I want to live with you too! Let's do that!\nPhoebe Buffay: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.\nMike Hannigan: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you gonna change yours?\nMike Hannigan: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: Me neither. I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.\nMike Hannigan: But I don't want this to end.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't want it to end either.\nMike Hannigan: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMike Hannigan: Ok... so... Goodbye.\nRachel Green: I'm so sorry Pheebs.\nMonica Geller: We're all sorry...\nChandler Bing: Ah, look on the bright side, I mean you won't have to live with this ugly chair! That was here already huh? I love you.\nJoey Tribbiani: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Hey! Ready to go?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, let me just finish this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, check this out! yeah, I can't do that!\nChandler Bing: What are you doin'?\nRoss Geller: Have you seen this? It's a new alumni website for college! It's cool! You can post messages for people, let everyone know what you're up to.\nChandler Bing: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .\nRoss Geller: It's actually kinda interesting to find out what people are doing... remember Andrea Rich?\nChandler Bing: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?\nRoss Geller: Uh uh... well, her Internet Company went under and she lost an ear in a boating accident...\nChandler Bing: Bet she'd sleep with you now...\nRoss Geller: No... I already e-mailed her.\nChandler Bing: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: \"Doctor Paleontology, two kids... \" You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!\nRoss Geller: You know what? I'm gonna finish this later, ok? Let me just grab my coat.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes??\nChandler Bing: Maybe we finish this for him! \"Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had\"... aaand SEND!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!\nRoss Geller: Alright, let's go!\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude!\nRoss Geller: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!\nJoey Tribbiani: aaand SEND! Opening credits.\nRachel Green: Hey! How was basketball?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!\nRachel Green: Oh, no! Who did that?\nJoey Tribbiani: Chandler... hey... Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma?\nRachel Green: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that!\nRachel Green: Joey... are you sure? I mean, I know how much you love him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rachel... let's be clear on this, ok? I do not love Hugsy. I like him a normal amount...\nRachel Green: All right... Oh, Emma loves him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why wouldn't she? He's a wonderful person!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better?\nPhoebe Buffay: Breaking up sucks! Oh, I really miss Mike!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I'm so sorry!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this...\nChandler Bing: You're not gonna need my help?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.\nChandler Bing: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.\nMonica Geller: Ok, you got it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Unless... Maybe it's too crazy about this... Alright so... you know, there is no future... but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. You know what? Forget what I said.\nMonica Geller: Really? If that's what you want...\nPhoebe Buffay: That was a test and you just failed.\nMonica Geller: Damn it! Rookie mistake!\nRoss Geller: I have sex with dinosaurs??\nChandler Bing: I believe I read that somewhere!\nRoss Geller: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... It's not funny!!\nChandler Bing: I respectfully disagree.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe you put that on my alumni page!\nChandler Bing: Who cares? Nobody reads those things.\nRoss Geller: You'd better hope not because I just read what you put on your page today.\nChandler Bing: I don't have a page.\nRoss Geller: Oh oh oh! I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look at you, all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around ya. It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep.\nRachel Green: : Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.\nRachel Green: What are you doing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.\nRachel Green: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.\nJoey Tribbiani: There you go sweetie... This isn't over.\nMonica Geller: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... \"gay as the day is long\"?\nChandler Bing: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.\nMonica Geller: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true.\nChandler Bing: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.\nMonica Geller: Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.\nChandler Bing: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go .\nMonica Geller: What are you doing?\nChandler Bing: Oh, you'll see my friend.\nRoss Geller: I'm dead?\nChandler Bing: And so young.\nRoss Geller: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.\nChandler Bing: Well, how you died was funny.\nRoss Geller: Oh please, hit by a blimp?\nChandler Bing: It kills over one americans every year.\nRoss Geller: Unbelievable, my classmates are gonna think I'm dead, my professors, my... my parents are gonna get phone calls. You're messing with people's feelings here.\nChandler Bing: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!\nRoss Geller: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.\nPhoebe Buffay: God, I wish Mike were here.\nMonica Geller: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?\nMonica Geller: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!\nPhoebe Buffay: I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. Give me your phone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Here.\nMonica Geller: And now your cell.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay.\nMonica Geller: This is your cellphone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes.\nMonica Geller: This is your current cellphone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes, it reminds me of a simpler time.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, where's your purse?\nMonica Geller: No, no! Give it to me!\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't have it.\nMonica Geller: Give it to me!\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nMonica Geller: I'll go in there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe come here.\nMonica Geller: Haha!\nPhoebe Buffay: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend.\nRachel Green: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, it's not a girl, it's... a brand new Hugsy!\nRachel Green: Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.\nRachel Green: Oh you know what? When I was a little girl I had a little pink pony named Cotton. Oh I loved her so much, I took her everywhere, I would braid her tail...\nJoey Tribbiani: Make the transfer!\nRachel Green: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, no don't worry about that, I swallowed that years ago.\nRachel Green: Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy.\nJoey Tribbiani: But he's the same.\nRachel Green: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.\nJoey Tribbiani: But he's the same.\nRachel Green: Joey, come on!\nJoey Tribbiani: He's the same! .\nJoey Tribbiani: You're not the same!\nMonica Geller: Haha!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building.\nMonica Geller: So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door.\nPhoebe Buffay: Those are my shoes.\nMonica Geller: Oh, when you get over this breakup we need to go shopping.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.\nMonica Geller: Who's that?\nPhoebe Buffay: I ordered Chinese food.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here?\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe called me.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him.\nMonica Geller: Damnit Phoebe! How did you even call him?\nPhoebe Buffay: There is a speakerphone on the base unit...\nMonica Geller: Base Unit! Think Monica! Think!\nMike Hannigan: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...\nMonica Geller: This doesn't concern you!!\nMike Hannigan: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!\nMonica Geller: Look, guys, you can't do this, it's just going to make getting over each other, that much harder.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not if nothing happens. Why can't... why can't we just hang out as friends?\nMonica Geller: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend and Mike's friend .\nPhoebe Buffay: Sit down.\nMonica Geller: Oh wow wow wow!! Make room for your friend!\nMike Hannigan: So how've you been?\nMonica Geller: I've been pretty good!\nMike Hannigan: You look really beautiful.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thanks, you look good too.\nMonica Geller: Oh no no no no... this is dangerous territory. Keep it clean!\nPhoebe Buffay: So how's the piano playing going?\nMike Hannigan: Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you.\nPhoebe Buffay: I've missed you too.\nMonica Geller: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... ..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?\nRoss Geller: uhu uhu, check this out.\nChandler Bing: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?\nRoss Geller: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little \"Ross is dead\" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?\nChandler Bing: No, come on, you know that's not true.\nRoss Geller: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!\nChandler Bing: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this. Not even my geology lab partner? And I carried that guy!\nChandler Bing: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.\nRoss Geller: You're right. There isn't a decent outlet.\nChandler Bing: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.\nRoss Geller: Exactly!!\nChandler Bing: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? You're having a memorial service for yourself!?\nRoss Geller: No! That would be stupid! You're having it for me!\nChandler Bing: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !\nRoss Geller: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...\nRachel Green: I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap, have you seen Hugsy?\nJoey Tribbiani: Original or crappy?\nRachel Green: Original.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, sorry haven't seen him.\nRachel Green: Then what's that big lump under your covers?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's Monica, ok?\nRachel Green: That's not Monica!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..\nRachel Green: Oh God.\nJoey Tribbiani: ... she's being unreasonable!\nRachel Green: Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much Oh don't cover its ears! It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: It does?\nRachel Green: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.\nJoey Tribbiani: Really? She... she loves me?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever .\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.\nRachel Green: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. Look Emma, look who's baaack!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look forget it forget it... I can't do it.\nRachel Green: Are you gonna... you're going to take Hugsy away from a little child?\nJoey Tribbiani: How do you think I got him in the first place?\nMonica Geller: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.\nMike Hannigan: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard?\nMike Hannigan: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.\nMonica Geller: Kiss him, you fool!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What?\nMonica Geller: Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I missed you so much!\nStrange Man: I knew you'd be here!\nMike Hannigan: Oh, crap!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who is this?\nMike Hannigan: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.\nMonica Geller: Hi, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe!\nManny: Well, you are not doing a very good job!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me?\nManny: What's with the kissing?\nMonica Geller: Hey, at least I knew where my guy was.\nManny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!\nMonica Geller: You didn't hear the speech!\nManny: I've heard the speech: \"if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... \"\nMonica Geller: Hey, it was very moving! You're just heartless!\nManny: You're weak!\nMonica Geller: You're... weird!\nManny: Your pants are undone!\nMonica Geller: Oh !\nManny: Where did they go?\nMonica Geller: Damn it!\nManny: Oh we blew it. I blame myself.\nMonica Geller: And I blame you too.\nRoss Geller: It's been an hour and not one of my classmates has shown up! I tell you, when I actually die some people are gonna get seriously haunted!\nChandler Bing: There you go! Someone came!\nRoss Geller: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner!\nMonica Geller: Hi, glad you could come.\nChandler Bing: Please, come in.\nTom: Hi, you're Chandler Bing, right? I'm Tom Gordon, I was in your class.\nChandler Bing: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.\nTom: Thanks... uh... I'm so sorry about Ross, it's...\nChandler Bing: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps.\nRoss Geller: Who is he?\nChandler Bing: Some guy, Tom Gordon.\nRoss Geller: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives.\nMonica Geller: So, did you know Ross well?\nTom: Oh, actually I barely knew him. Yeah, I came because I heard Chandler's news. D'you know if he's seeing anyone?\nMonica Geller: Yes, he is. Me.\nTom: What? You... You... Oh! Can I ask you a personal question? Ho-how do you shave your beard so close?\nChandler Bing: Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!!\nTom: Hey, listen. Call me.\nChandler Bing: Ok!\nRoss Geller: I'm dead and no one cares?\nMonica Geller: I look like a man??\nChandler Bing: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!\nRoss Geller: It isn't ridiculous, look around! No one's here!\nChandler Bing: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!\nRoss Geller: Yes, you're right. Still somebody must have seen it... I mean, I went to that school for 4 years, I didn't have an impact on anyone?\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?\nRoss Geller: Yeah... Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide.\nKori: Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service.\nChandler Bing: Kori? Kori Weston?\nKori: Yeah...\nChandler Bing: Wow! You look amazing!\nKori: And you are...\nChandler Bing: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.\nMonica Geller: You are married though.\nChandler Bing: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood!\nKori: I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is just so sad.\nChandler Bing: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.\nKori: We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him.\nChandler Bing: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.\nKori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.\nRoss Geller: But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!\nKori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you!\nRoss Geller: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!!\nRoss Geller: No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. Monica?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Monica, hey, can I borrow the Porsche?\nMonica Geller: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright!\nMonica Geller: But ehm...what is it not?\nJoey Tribbiani: A place to entertain my lady friends.\nMonica Geller: And what else is it not?\nJoey Tribbiani: A place to eat spaghetti.\nMonica Geller: Very good! What do you need it for anyway?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...\nRachel Green: Oh! So you're driving up to Connecticut?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah Connecticut...Not West Virginia.\nMonica Geller: Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there! I'd like to buy some tickets myself!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh!\nMonica Geller: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey will you get me tickets too?\nRachel Green: Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it! Everyone almost simultaneously except Ross: yeah thats a great idea!\nRoss Geller: No thanks!\nPhoebe Buffay: You don't wanna win the lottery?\nRoss Geller: Uh...sure I do, and I also wanna be King of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.\nChandler Bing: Still on Amelia Earhart?\nRoss Geller: The woman just vanished!\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?\nRoss Geller: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.\nChandler Bing: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.\nJoey Tribbiani: I like those odds!\nRoss Geller: Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki.\nChandler Bing: I'll ask. Boohaki?\nRoss Geller: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.\nRachel Green: Yeah so get ready to hear alot of ehm...boohaki, goshdarnit and brotherpucker.\nMonica Geller: How do you know she's gonna start talking?\nRachel Green: Well when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.\nChandler Bing: Kinda like Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What's that now? Opening credits.\nMonica Geller: God! Look at all these tickets! It's so exciting! You know I haven't won anything since the sixth grade.\nChandler Bing: Pie eating contest?\nMonica Geller: Oh! You assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something?\nChandler Bing: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.\nMonica Geller: That was a good day!\nRoss Geller: They're towing your car, they're towing your car!!\nMonica Geller: I'm parked in a garage on Morton!\nRoss Geller: They're towing a car. And I am seeing...spots.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh my god Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel you don't have Emma! Where's Emma? Who has Emma!?\nRachel Green: Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!\nJoey Tribbiani: I was?\nRacel: Yes and you talked to her...\nJoey Tribbiani: I did?\nRachel Green: She dropped off a casserole?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! The casserole lady.\nMonica Geller: So, did you come by to watch us win the big bucks?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, uh... and then I figured after you win, we could all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it!\nChandler Bing: Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!!\nRoss Geller: Think he washed his hands?\nChandler Bing: Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?\nRachel Green: What's going on?\nMonica Geller: Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh! Tough odds!\nRoss Geller: Yeah if only it were a sure thing like your 24 state lottery!\nJoey Tribbiani: Look who's coming around!\nChandler Bing: Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.\nJoey Tribbiani: Did you get it?\nChandler Bing: One of the slots got filled.\nJoey Tribbiani: By you!?\nChandler Bing: Sense the tone! No that kid Nate got it.\nMonica Geller: Oh! I hate that guy! I mean come on kid! Pull up your pants!\nChandler Bing: Yeah I know.\nRachel Green: Well, there's two spots left right?\nChandler Bing: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!\nMonica Geller: Hey that reminds me, I thought we could use some extra luck so I brought a wishbone home from work.\nRoss Geller: A psychic AND a wishbone? Guys! Give someone else a chance!\nMonica Geller: Alright, who wants to do it?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!\nMonica Geller: Ok, hey Rach?\nRachel Green: Oh no, I'm good, I don't wanna get that turkey smell all over my hands.\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.\nPhoebe Buffay: I hope I win!\nMonica Geller: Well, it doesn't really matter ... you're both wishing for the same thing, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't tell you what I'm wishing for! Else...you know...won't come true!\nMonica Geller: Right! .. but we \"know\" what you're wishing for!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can't really say!\nMonica Geller: I understand, but you're wishing for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you?\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm not really comfortable with these questions!\nPhoebe Buffay: One, two, three!\nJoey Tribbiani: I won, hey!\nRoss Geller: You know what, I'm sure your wish is gonna come true, but, you guys - just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp! Ah!! That thing gets hot!!\nRachel Green: You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you gonna feel if we actually do win?\nRoss Geller: Uh, you're not gonna win.\nRachel Green: Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like \"oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape\" and you're gonna be all like \"oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai\"\nRoss Geller: Ok, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.\nChandler Bing: I can see the headline now: \"Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm\".\nRoss Geller: Why would I eat my own arm?\nChandler Bing: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.\nMonica Geller: You know what, Ross? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.\nRoss Geller: Why?\nMonica Geller: Because I know that you think the lottery is \"boohaki\" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.\nRoss Geller: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here.\nPhoebe Buffay: Get a room!\nChandler Bing: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?\nRoss Geller: I don't know, probably just invest it.\nChandler Bing: Ooh! Calm down ...\nJoey Tribbiani: Seriously, that's your fantasy? To invest it?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say \"invest it\"? I meant \"be cool and piss it all away\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Ooh, ooh, I know! We should pool all own money and buy the Knicks!\nRachel Green: I don't really care about the Knicks.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you will when I pick you as starting forward.\nRachel Green: You would do that? I never get picked!\nChandler Bing: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.\nJoey Tribbiani: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!\nChandler Bing: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.\nRoss Geller: Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy?\nChandler Bing: I'll take this one too Uh ... Mommy?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel \"Mommy\" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...\nRachel Green: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.\nRoss Geller: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me \"Daddy\" too.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh, I like that, \"daddy\"\nRoss Geller: I ... I was just talking about Rachel.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oooh, is daddy getting angry? Is daddy gonna spank me?\nRoss Geller: Well that depends ... have you been a baaad gi .. no I can't.\nChandler Bing: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot left, right?\nChandler Bing: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.\nMonica Geller: Hey, don't say that! You got just as good a chance as anybody else of getting that job!\nChandler Bing: He's the boss's son.\nMonica Geller: Come on, lottery!!\nRachel Green: Ooh, you guys, it starts in like 20 minutes.\nMonica Geller: Ok, here we go. We need to sort out the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won. So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? Ok, how about this: we divide them into 6 groups of 40, and the remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.\nRachel Green: Ooh, I have another idea!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry, idea time is over.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, well, are all the tickets in the bowl?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nChandler Bing: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?\nMonica Geller: There are no tickets on the nightstand!\nChandler Bing: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.\nMonica Geller: Un, no you didn't! You must be mistaken!\nChandler Bing: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, sense the tone!!\nRachel Green: Well, well, well, look what mommy found!!\nMonica Geller: Ok, fine!! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh! The psychic also said that I would be betrayed.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!\nMonica Geller: Hey, you just got in 5 minutes ago!\nRoss Geller: 3 minutes ago!!! I don't know why that's important ...\nJoey Tribbiani: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut, when did you even get those?\nMonica Geller: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'll show you how.\nRachel Green: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your \"special\" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?\nMonica Geller: Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!\nRachel Green: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?\nChandler Bing: She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us ...\nMonica Geller: Ahhh!\nChandler Bing: Let me finish ... however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!!\nMonica Geller: There's the man I married!!\nRachel Green: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!\nMonica Geller: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'd look just like you!\nRachel Green: OH! Alright, you know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets !\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I want my tickets too ! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!\nRoss Geller: Than I want mine, too ! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together.\nMonica Geller: No, no! We should divide them up and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This all thing was my idea!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!\nRachel Green: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: OOOOOHHHHH!\nRoss Geller: Hey, hey!!\nPhoebe Buffay: OOOOOHHHHH! Fine, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!\nRachel Green: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no!\nPhoebe Buffay: If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! .\nEveryone: NO!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't come any closer!\nChandler Bing: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...\nPhoebe Buffay: No, what's more important, your friends or money?\nMonica Geller: Money! Friends...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Monica, what about your extra tickets?\nMonica Geller: They're all in there! Even these five that I hid in my bra ...\nRoss Geller: Monica!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, good! You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this... Oh God, no! I think I broke your bowl.\nRoss Geller: Go, go, go!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, we lost half of them.\nPhoebe Buffay: So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?\nRoss Geller: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...\nPhoebe Buffay: As a matter of fact she said that's how I am going to die. So, excuse me for being a little skittish.\nChandler Bing: Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!\nMonica Geller: Oh, play them!\nChandler Bing: Ok, here we go!\nMessage: \"Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise\" \"I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo.\"\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do.\nSecond Message: \"Hey Chandler, it's Charlie\"\nChandler Bing: This is..shhh!\nSecond Message: \"Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want.\"\nMonica Geller: Oh God, I am so sorry honey...\nEveryone: Oh, so sorry man! Sorry!\nRachel Green: Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.\nChandler Bing: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?\nRachel Green: No, she was just much better at job than me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Guys, the drawing is about to start!\nRachel Green: You know what? We should call my mum's house and say goodnight to Emma before she goes down.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, it's a good idea!\nMonica Geller: Honey, you've been really strong about this, I know how badly you wanted that job.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?\nMonica Geller: 131!\nRoss Geller: Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... Phoebe's totally ruined that for me...\nRachel Green: Hi mum, put her back on!\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing. TV: \"Here we are, the official Powerball numbers! We have 53\"\nChandler Bing: I got that!\nRoss Geller: Oh, we have one too!!\nMonica Geller: We are on a roll, people!!\nRoss Geller: Come on!!\nRachel Green: Mum, please!I know you love your new lips, but I can barely understand you! Would you, please, just let me say goodnight to my daughter? TV: \"And number 29! Here we go! The Powerball is 7\"\nMonica Geller: Check your numbers! Make me rich!\nRachel Green: Guys, you're not gonna believe this! I was just saying goodnight to Emma and she said her first words!!\nEveryone: Wow!\nJoey Tribbiani: And what did she say?\nRachel Green: She said \"gleba\"!!\nMonica Geller: Make me rich!!\nRachel Green: Isn't that amazing?\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah, no no no...that's great!\nRachel Green: Why-why aren't you more excited?\nRoss Geller: Oh, Rach...oh...\"gleba\" is not a word.\nRachel Green: Oh, but of course it is!\nRoss Geller: Okay, what does it mean?\nRachel Green: I don't know all the words.\nRoss Geller: I'm just, I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first words .\nRoss Geller: Yes you did, gleba is a word!\nRoss Geller: Ok, use it in a sentence.\nRachel Green: Ok... \"Emma just said gleba\"!\nRoss Geller: It's not a word!\nRachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up .\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt...\nRachel Green: Alright, okay, okay, gleba, gleba... Gleba! Ha! Here it is: the fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.\nRoss Geller: She's gonna be a scientist!\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit! anybody got anything?\nChandler Bing: No.\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm still looking through mine...\nMonica Geller: Just double checking ...no, no, no... No!\nMonica Geller: Hello? Hold on. It's your boss.\nChandler Bing: Ah, the \"I'm sorry I rejected you\" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. Hey, Steve.\nSteve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.\nChandler Bing: Oh no no no no, I'd love to be somebody's assistant! Answering phones, getting coffee, I live for that stuff! And I'm not too mature... farts, boobies, butt cracks!\nSteve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.\nChandler Bing: Me, that guy who just said butt cracks?\nSteve: Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.\nChandler Bing: Ok well, thanks, you won't regret it. I'll see you tomorrow .\nChandler Bing: What? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a junior copywriter.\nEveryone: Oh my God, congratulations!\nMonica Geller: Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you!\nChandler Bing: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?\nMonica Geller: You bet! No TV or anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that is so great about the job.\nChandler Bing: Thanks, man.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I like to think I had a little something to do with it.\nChandler Bing: Really? What?\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah? Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart right out.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.\nRachel Green: You know what? There is a little part of me that really thought we were gonna win.\nRoss Geller: Me too. So much for my dinosaur/Amelia Earhart theme park.\nPhoebe Buffay: You guys, what was the Powerball number again?\nPhoebe Buffay: We won.\nRachel Green: What?\nPhoebe Buffay: We won!\nMonica Geller: Let me see!\nPhoebe Buffay: Don't tear it.\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.\nPhoebe Buffay: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!\nChandler Bing: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't care, I've never won anything before, I can't believe this!\nRachel Green: So Pheebs, what are you going to do with your $3?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's not all mine. We all get 50 cents.\nMonica Geller: You know what? You can have mine.\nChandler Bing: Me too.\nJoey Tribbiani: Me too.\nRachel Green: Me too.\nRoss Geller: I guess if everybody else is... Closing credits.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.\nPhoebe Buffay: I beg to differ .\nGunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 .\nPhoebe Buffay: Coo, again. Don't blame the pretty lady. It was not her fault. It was me, the pigeon, coo! Seriously, stop staring at her."}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do. Joey: I want you.I need you.Let me make love to you.\nRachel Green: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ehm...I'm...I'm rehearsing my lines.They gave me a big romantic story on Days Of Our Lives. It's the first time my character's got one. I'm so nervous, you know, I really want it to be good!\nRachel Green: Woow!I haven't seen you this worked up since you did that dog food commercial and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, that was a disappointment... Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?\nRachel Green: Are you serious?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah!Hey, you just have to promise not to get yourself thrown out again.\nRachel Green: Hey, that was an honest mistake!\nJoey Tribbiani: Right!\"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?\"\nRachel Green: Yeah, that was an awesome day! Opening credits.\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nMonica Geller: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nRoss Geller: I'd love to!\nMonica Geller: Well you can't! We're booked solid for the next month!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, I can't give you a massage, because my licence has been revoked again!\nRoss Geller: Phoebe, what happened?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it was an accident...You know, it's a lot of oil and sometimes the hand just slips! Chandler: Have I got a surprise for you? Pack your bags!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh no!You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for 7 years!\nChandler Bing: What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont !\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, good!Ok, good for you!Try to recapture the magic!\nChandler Bing: So, what do you say? Can you get out of work?\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!\nChandler Bing: Are you really that busy?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm sorry. I really am.\nChandler Bing: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. \"Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? Oh, can't you make an exception?\"\nMonica Geller: Tell them I'm a chef in a big New York restaurant!\nPhoebe Buffay: And tell them that in 2 weeks I will once again be a masseuse in good standing!\nChandler Bing: \"Look, this is ridiculous! I'm not paying for that room! Ok?\" \"Oh, thank you very much!\" Yeah, I'm going to Vermont...\nRoss Geller: Oh, don't worry about it! Just use your travel insurance.\nChandler Bing: I don't have travel insurance.\nRoss Geller: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!\nMonica Geller: Why don't you take Ross?\nRoss Geller: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...\nMonica Geller: No, not if their room has two beds!\nRoss Geller: I guess...It still seems a little... moonlight boat ride!!\nRachel Green: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't know, but one of the extras sure did! Hey, listen Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes!\nRachel Green: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!\nJoey Tribbiani: Also so gay!\nRachel Green: Oh, in my head he's done some pretty \"not-gay-stuff\"!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, at the Christmas party him and Santa did some definitely gay stuff!\nDirector: Joey, Joey! We're ready for you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, wish me luck!\nRachel Green: Ok, not that you need it but good...GOD!Is that Chase Lassiter?He's straight, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Rach, I gotta say...if you weren't here wondering if these guys were gay I don't know if I could do this!\nRachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, you're right.I'm sorry, good luck!\nDirector: On a bell please! Quietly.. and ACTION! Olivia: Drake! What are you doing in here?\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.\nOlivia: Get out!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: You don't love him!\nOlivia: What do you know about love?\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.\nOlivia: That kiss never happened.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Oh, what about this one. Rachel: OH!\nOlivia: No, I told you...get out!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Fine. I'll go. But let me ask you one question...\nChase Lassiter: You look familiar, have we...\nRachel Green: SSSHHHHTTT!!He's asking her a question!!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Can you really live the rest of your life never knowing what we could have been?\nOlivia: I don't have a choice...\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.\nOlivia: Don't say that...\nDr. Drake Ramoray: Tell me to stop, just...tell me to stop.\nDirector: CUT!\nRachel Green: NO! Or, cut!You know, that's your call!\n1st Customer: Everything was delicious!\nMonica Geller: Thank you! 2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.\nMonica Geller: Thank you! You haven't said anything... 3rd Customer: Actually I do have one small complaint.\nMonica Geller: Oh..please!I-I welcome criticism. 3rd Customer: The musician right outside the restaurant...it's kind of a mood-killer!\nMonica Geller: What musician?\nPhoebe Buffay: And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Ole!\nMonica Geller: What are you doing here!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!\nMonica Geller: Great!\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! It really has been great too, you know, some of this people must have seen me play before because they were requesting a bunch of my songs! Yeah, \"You suck\" and \"shut up and go home\".\nMonica Geller: Listen Phoebe...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: You know how much I love listening to your music, you know, but...\nPhoebe Buffay: But what?\nMonica Geller: This is kind of a classy place.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, say no more.\nPhoebe Buffay: : It wasn't just that she was fat, the woman smelled like garbage! Everyone! It wasn't just that she was fat the woman smelled like garbaaaaaage! Classy, uh?\nChandler Bing: Hi, Chandler Bing, I have a reservation.\nReceptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?\nChandler Bing: New York.\nRoss Geller: The big apple!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up, we had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I ate all my gifts for everybody.\nReceptionist: I am sorry Mr. Bing, there's no record of your reservation in the computer.\nChandler Bing: Well, that's impossible, can you check again, please?\nRoss Geller: Check again please!\nReceptionist: I'm sorry, it's not here.\nRoss Geller: Not there.\nChandler Bing: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?\nReceptionist: I don't know what to say.\nRoss Geller: She doesn't know what to say!\nChandler Bing: Just give us the cheapest room you have.\nReceptionist: Unfortunatly the only thing we have available is our deluxe suite, the rate is six hundred dollars.\nChandler Bing: That's insane!\nRoss Geller: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.\nChandler Bing: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? We'll take it.\nReceptionist: Great.\nChandler Bing: What!? They are totally ripping us off!\nRoss Geller: Dude, don't worry 'bout it! I know how we can make your money back! This is a nice hotel, you know, plenty of amenities, we just load up on those! Like those apples. Instead of taking one, I'm... I take six!\nChandler Bing: Great, at a hundred dollars an apple, we're there!\nRoss Geller: C'mon, you get the idea, ow-ow-ow we'll make our money back in no time!\nChandler Bing: Dude, you're shaking!\nRoss Geller: I think it's the sugar, could you hold the apple?\nRachel Green: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Joey, I gotta tell ya, I've been thinking all day about that scene you did, I mean, you were amazing!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!\nRachel Green: God, you have to tell me what happens tomorrow!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ow, I'm just going over the script now! You wanna read lines with me?\nRachel Green: Me? Oh, no, I am not an actress.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, all right, I can ask Monica.\nRachel Green: Oh screw her, that part is mine!\nJoey Tribbiani: Right... ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.\nRachel Green: Okay. . Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: I can't believe you married him.\nRachel Green: But what choice did I have. He was keeping my sister in a dungeon!\nDr. Drake Ramoray: So what about us? Everything we feel for each other.\nRachel Green: It's over! You have to accept that.\nDr. Drake Ramoray: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.\nRachel Green: Kiss me.\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: Kiss me.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, Rach, it doesn't say that!\nRachel Green: No, I'm saying...\nJoey Tribbiani: but, but..\nRachel Green: just... don't talk...\nRachel Green: Ehhh, aw! . Well, that's new!\nRoss Geller: Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons. Ross: What did you get?\nChandler Bing: USA Today.\nRoss Geller: Nice, put it with the others.\nChandler Bing: And I also got... two more apples.\nRoss Geller: We are four short of a bush-o . God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!\nChandler Bing: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's not cool.\nChandlers: Dude, none of this is cool.\nRoss Geller: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt I wish I'd thought this through.\nChandler Bing: I think I know what you mean though...the lamp is the hotel's, but the bulbs ...oh, you already got that.\nRoss Geller: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.\nChandler Bing: Ok, how about this ?\nRoss Geller: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!\nChandler Bing: Yes, but the batteries... Chandler: Thank you, thank you very much!\nRoss Geller: Let's celebrate with some maple candy!\nChandler Bing: No!\nRoss Geller: At least tell me where you hid it.\nRachel Green: Can I ask you a question?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Have you ever had any weird romantic dreams?\nMonica Geller: Let me think. Oh, when I was younger I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese, and on our wedding night I ate his head.\nRachel Green: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.\nMonica Geller: Wow, do you mean like kiss him-kiss him?\nRachel Green: Oh yeah! I mean, that was pretty intense.\nMonica Geller: What do you think brought than on?\nRachel Green: I don't know! I mean, maybe that's something to do with the fact that I saw him do a love scene yesterday.\nMonica Geller: A love scene? With who?\nRachel Green: Olivia.\nMonica Geller: Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor! Oh right, real life more important.\nRachel Green: So do you think that my dream means anything?\nMonica Geller: I don't know. I mean, you saw him do a love scene, so maybe you don't have a thing for Joey, maybe you have a thing for Drake.\nRachel Green: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...\nMonica Geller: Of course it was! Trust me, when it comes to psychology I know what I'm talking about. I took two psych classes in college.\nRachel Green: You took the same class twice.\nMonica Geller: It was hard! Phoebe: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant uh, huh wait! Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad of the uncircumcised man.\nMonica Geller: Oh...Phoebe? Maybe I wasn't clear before. I really love listening to your music here, but my restaurant is sort of an upscale place.\nPhoebe Buffay: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault.\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, it's not what you wear. It's sort of your songs... I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok. Fine, I'll just, I'll take the hat back . Rachel: Hey, so you guys, the funniest thing happened, at work...\nPhoebe Buffay: My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?\nRachel Green: Ok, we're still on that.\nMonica Geller: I didn't say your songs were not good enough.\nPhoebe Buffay: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?\nMonica Geller: Tiny portions?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah well, \"excuse me, I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but I can't see it, I can't see it\"!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe, it's not about quantity.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well...it's not about quality.\nMonica Geller: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well at least all my songs don't taste like garlic. Yeah, there are other ingredients Monica.\nMonica Geller: Ok, so that's what we're doing. You know, when I'm in the coffee house bopping along to one of your songs, I'm wearing ear plugs.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ear plugs, or cloves of garlic?\nMonica Geller: You know what? I take back what I said before. You keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside, my bar sales are going up like crazy.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are people having, the garlic Martini?\nReceptionist: Here's your copy of the bill, we hope you enjoyed your stay.\nChandler Bing: Oh we did, and you still have all your lamps. Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.\nRoss Geller: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game. Ross: Oh my god.\nChandler Bing: What?\nRoss Geller: There's something new in the bowl.\nChandler Bing: Look, we have enough, just walk away.\nRoss Geller: No, but I want...I want the pinecones!\nChandler Bing: There's a forest right outside.\nRoss Geller: It's not the same.\nChandler Bing: Ok, go quick! Ross: Thank you for a delightful stay. Ross: Oh, my maple candy!\nPhoebe Buffay: Food here at 'Javu'..will kill you..the food here at 'Javu' ...will kill you.. Monica: Thank god, it's just you! I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.\nPhoebe Buffay: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.\nMonica Geller: Ok, you have to stop playing now.\nPhoebe Buffay: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah? Ok, let's settle this, come on!\nPhoebe Buffay: Get your garlic-peelers off me!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. .. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, how many of you enjoyed the music outside? Ha!\nMonica Geller: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? .\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, well, who identified the tone of this restaurant as pretentious comma garlicky?\nMonica Geller: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone?\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? .\nMonica Geller: Excuse us! Alright here's a question: Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music and feels really bad about it now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh...Who was so stupid and stubborn that she lashed out against her friend's cooking which she actually thinks is pretty great!\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry...\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sorry too...\nMonica Geller: ooohh... hey! Wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah! As long as it's free! Food here is ridiculously over-p... Phoebe: Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man! I thought I got it all!\nRachel Green: How...how...?\nJoey Tribbiani: I was making a peanut butter smoothy, right?\nRachel Green: uh-huh.\nJoey Tribbiani: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing that goes on top of the blender...and I thought...well... how important can that be, right...? Turns out very!\nRachel Green: Wow...definitely just Drake...\nJoey Tribbiani: What?\nRachel Green: What...how is it going with Drake?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh...I don't think it's going very well...\nRachel Green: What...that scene I saw was so good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we are shooting tomorrow...\nRachel Green: Joey, is this that thing that you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?\nJoey Tribbiani: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.\nRachel Green: So?\nJoey Tribbiani: So...I've never played that!\nRachel Green: Ooh! Honey, it can't be that hard, I mean, you've been in love before?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh...well...just once...with you...\nRachel Green: Ok...this could be a little awkward...I'm just going to blow past it... well can't you just use that method actor thing where you use your real life memories to help you in your performance?\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell are you talking about??\nRachel Green: Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.\nRachel Green: Joey, you never..you never talked about that before...\nJoey Tribbiani: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she...is... beautiful... and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you but it was worth it just to be there looking at you. Joey: Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! Closing credits.\nChandler Bing: I got you something from Vermont!\nMonica Geller: Besides tampons and salt? Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. That's weird...it's empty! Ross: Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out...or...? do you...do you guys hear a buzzing?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?\nChandler Bing: Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.\nJoey Tribbiani: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.\nChandler Bing: I could fall asleep at a play.\nPhoebe Buffay: What is it?\nJoey Tribbiani: It's a one-woman play called \"Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life\".\nMonica Geller: It sounds interesting!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett...\nPhoebe Buffay: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?\nJoey Tribbiani: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!\nRoss Geller: What? How come that you don't have to go!\nJoey Tribbiani: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.\nChandler Bing: Uh, let's see, who do I hate?\nRachel Green: Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, here you go.\nRachel Green: Ooh... oooh... oh, ah... Can I ask you a question?\nMonica Geller: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?\nMonica Geller: No, I don't think it ever works. Why?\nRachel Green: No reason.\nMonica Geller: No, no, Rachel?\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Who do you wanna fool around with?\nRachel Green: Nobody, forget it! Rachel: Maybe.\nMonica Geller: You can't!\nRachel Green: Why? Seriously I did not understand a word that you said.\nMonica Geller: In the hall.\nMonica Geller: You wanna fool around with Joey?\nRachel Green: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!\nMonica Geller: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?\nRachel Green: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.\nMonica Geller: Who, who are they?\nRachel Green: I know them from work.\nMonica Geller: Both of them?\nRachel Green: No, one of them...\nMonica Geller: Which one?\nRachel Green: I don't know, what were the names I just said?\nMonica Geller: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.\nRachel Green: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion?\nMonica Geller: What the hell are you cooking!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nChandler Bing: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.\nChandler Bing: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.\nRoss Geller: There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.\nMonica Geller: What's so bad about that?\nRoss Geller: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.\nMonica Geller: : Ross?\nRoss Geller: These aren't suede. Charlie: Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?\nGunther: No.\nRoss Geller: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer.\nRoss Geller: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice.\nCharlie Wheeler: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.\nRoss Geller: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.\nMonica Geller: Is he gonna introduce us?\nChandler Bing: No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.\nCharlie Wheeler: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.\nRoss Geller: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.\nMonica Geller: Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.\nRoss Geller: We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?\nRoss Geller: I don't think so.\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell?\nRoss Geller: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is \"if you can't come on time, then don't come at all\". An option that many of my students use. Shall we?\nCharlie Wheeler: You don't think we should wait for him?\nRoss Geller: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok?\nProfessor Spafford: Professor Geller?\nRoss Geller: Oh, damn it!\nJane: Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRachel Green: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: What's happenin'?\nRachel Green: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first.\nRachel Green: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...\nMessage: \"Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight\"\nJoey Tribbiani: Stupid Jane Rogers!!\nRachel Green: You are having a party tonight??\nJoey Tribbiani: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.\nRachel Green: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?\nJoey Tribbiani: I do it every year.\nRachel Green: You do that every year??\nJoey Tribbiani: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!\nRachel Green: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nRachel Green: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah...\nRachel Green: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?\nJoey Tribbiani: I can't believe you guys went for that one!\nRachel Green: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?\nJoey Tribbiani: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!\nRachel Green: Well, then so you just invite me...!\nJoey Tribbiani: Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!\nRachel Green: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.\nRachel Green: OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! And it's out of my system!\nProfessor Spafford: And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.\nRoss Geller: So, where did you get your undergraduate degree?\nProfessor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.\nRoss Geller: Oh, it's not over!\nProfessor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...\nRoss Geller: So basically all nuts?\nProfessor Spafford: Interestingly... no.\nCharlie Wheeler: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word \"interesting\".\nProfessor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh my God!!\nRoss Geller: I've lost the will to live.\nCharlie Wheeler: Let's ditch him!\nRoss Geller: What?\nCharlie Wheeler: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you!\nRoss Geller: Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll...\nCharlie Wheeler: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!!\nRoss Geller: Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?\nCharlie Wheeler: Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas...\nPhoebe Buffay: Ah, ah.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me.\nRoss Geller: Ranion's theory of species variegation?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!\nMonica Geller: So, did you two have fun?\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...\nMonica Geller: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a HOTTY!! HI!\nRachel Green: Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.\nRoss Geller: Really? Wh-what's wrong?\nRachel Green: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.\nRachel Green: ... Ok, who is this?\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue.\nRachel Green: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!\nMonica Geller: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?\nRachel Green: Sure! Oh...\nMonica Geller: You're not sick!\nRachel Green: What? Yes, I am!\nMonica Geller: Ok, then, why are you... all dressed up??\nRachel Green: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better!\nMonica Geller: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey!\nRachel Green: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is!\nMonica Geller: Ok, what is this?\nRachel Green: Ok! Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!\nMonica Geller: WHAT?\nRoss Geller: Wh-what's going on?\nMonica Geller: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!\nRachel Green: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!\nCharlie Wheeler: I thought you came to say you were sick.\nRachel Green: Ok professor or detective?\nPhoebe Buffay: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?\nRachel Green: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!\nPhoebe Buffay: And that horrible museum tour!\nRoss Geller: No, I arranged that... Joey: Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.\nPhoebe Buffay: We know about your party Joey.\nJoey Tribbiani: What party?\nMonica Geller: The game's over! Take off your robe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok... I mean...\nEveryone: No!! Cover it up!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Nice to meet ya!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it Thanks for coming.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder!\nKyle Lowder: Hi.\nMonica Geller: I love you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...\nMonica Geller: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway?\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! Chandler!\nChandler Bing: Where the hell is everybody? Bitter lady: Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period.\nMonica Geller: Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this \"best wishes\" crap. I want \"love\".\nRachel Green: Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number.\nMonica Geller: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!\nMatthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.\nRachel Green: Nice to meet you.\nMatthew Ashford: Call me.\nRachel Green: Ok Monica: We will!!\nMonica Geller: Look at you with all the guys!\nRachel Green: Yeah!\nMonica Geller: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?\nRachel Green: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!\nMonica Geller: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... ... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! Ross: So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.\nRoss Geller: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.\nRoss Geller: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah...\nRoss Geller: ... And you called him Alby!? I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.\nRoss Geller: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!\nCharlie Wheeler: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...\nRoss Geller: Oh! like what?! Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch \"Access Hollywood\".\nCharlie Wheeler: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.\nRoss Geller: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?\nCharlie Wheeler: A guy who won two.\nRoss Geller: Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah... for three years.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?\nCharlie Wheeler: ... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.\nRoss Geller: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?\nCharlie Wheeler: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.\nRoss Geller: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine?\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Ross!\nRachel Green: How is it going with Charlie?\nRoss Geller: Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, What's the matter?\nRoss Geller: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.\nRachel Green: I always loved that!!\nRoss Geller: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!\nPhoebe Buffay: Worse?\nRoss Geller: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... \"Can we walk\"? Oh, you... you like that?\nPhoebe Buffay: No.\nRoss Geller: What?\nRachel Green: Come on! I think this is funny!\nBitter Lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' \"Now would be a really great time for an intermission\", huh?\nChandler Bing: oh yes, God yes!!\nBitter Lady: Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. How could he leave me?!?!\nChandler Bing: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.\nRoss Geller: Nice to meet you.\nDirk: Hey! So what show are you on?\nRoss Geller: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology. Joey: It's a science.\nDirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on \"Days\". And my character has just won the Nobel prize. Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...\nRoss Geller: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.\nDirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.\nRoss Geller: I'd lead with that. Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra .\nJoey Tribbiani: Monica!\nMonica Geller: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year! Joey: What have you got there?\nRoss Geller: Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah, let me see! Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?\nRachel Green: I think I am.\nJoey Tribbiani: Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug . This guy's Canadian . And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different. Joey: Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...\nRachel Green: Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?\nJoey Tribbiani: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.\nRachel Green: Joey, you're so sweet.\nJoey Tribbiani: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.\nRachel Green: Who ? Joey: Me.\nRachel Green: What? Really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!\nRachel Green: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Gotcha.\nRachel Green: Oh, Very funny... Joey. Chandler: So, how did you enjoy the play?\nMonica Geller: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry.\nChandler Bing: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.\nMonica Geller: You really liked it?\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained not to listen! But after chapter 16: \"fat, single and ready to mingle\", I was uplifted.\nMonica Geller: Oh really!\nChandler Bing: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!\nMonica Geller: No!\nChandler Bing: Did somebody sign your bra?\nMonica Geller: So I got it when I was 13...\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?\nRoss Geller: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.\nPhoebe Buffay: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.\nPhoebe Buffay: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...\nRoss Geller: And sexy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!\nRoss Geller: Stop going through my stuff ! Rachel: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nRachel Green: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.\nMonica Geller: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.\nRachel Green: Please, what about you and Chandler?\nMonica Geller: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!\nRachel Green: Well hello !\nMonica Geller: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?\nRachel Green: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!\nMonica Geller: Alright . I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.\nRachel Green: I'm gonna do it.\nMonica Geller: And I can't stop you.\nRachel Green: No. Ross: Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? Ross: I'm smarter than him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you're so wonderful.\nBitter Woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period.\nChandler Bing: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death ."}
{"text": "Monica Geller: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.\nRoss Geller: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!\nChandler Bing: I missed most of the party Charlie's a girl, right?\nRoss Geller: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.\nRachel Green: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!\nRoss Geller: Why do you care so much?\nMonica Geller: Yes Rachel, why do you care so much?\nRachel Green: Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.\nRoss Geller: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!\nRachel Green: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...\nRoss Geller: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nEveryone: Hi!\nRoss Geller: I'm gonna get some more coffee.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, you know what? I'll come with you!\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nChandler Bing: So, a professor, uh?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious . That's not how she used it...?\nCharlie Wheeler: I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.\nRoss Geller: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.\nCharlie Wheeler: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...\nRoss Geller: Yeah, I know the type.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close? Opening credits.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey!\nMonica Geller: Hey!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Look what I just got.\nRachel Green: Oh, OH! Wow, I love those! Where did you get them?\nPhoebe Buffay: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.\nRachel Green: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh... then I overpaid.\nMonica Geller: Hey, what's this?\nRachel Green: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.\nMonica Geller: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.\nRachel Green: Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...\nMonica Geller: Do you wanna go hunting?\nRachel Green: Well, I would like to have the option!!\nPhoebe Buffay: What's up? Hey, Rachel!!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these \"big massage places\"! They're putting people like me out of business!\nMonica Geller: And she wants to go hunting, too!!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.\nRachel Green: I don't care about any of that!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, do you care about friendship?\nRachel Green: Oh!\nPhoebe Buffay: I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.\nRachel Green: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Promise?\nRachel Green: I promise.\nPhoebe Buffay: Thank you.\nRachel Green: But I am going hunting!!\nMonica Geller: Hey honey! I missed you today!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah?\nMonica Geller: Yeah. What d'you wanna do tonight?\nChandler Bing: Oh, well... Maybe we could...\nMonica Geller: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.\nChandler Bing: We really need to take those tests?\nMonica Geller: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.\nChandler Bing: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!\nMonica Geller: What is the big deal?\nChandler Bing: It's weird! In a doctor's office?\nMonica Geller: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?\nChandler Bing: I cannot believe Ross told you that! And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!\nMonica Geller: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!\nChandler Bing: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!\nMonica Geller: OH!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!\nJoey Tribbiani: Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!\nJoey Tribbiani: Heeey!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on in, how are ya?\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm good!\nJoey Tribbiani: Can I offer you a drink?\nCharlie Wheeler: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go ohhhh!\nCharlie Wheeler: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, if you need a tour guide...\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok!\nCharlie Wheeler: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, yeah!\nCharlie Wheeler: And first, I have to see the MET!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.\nCharlie Wheeler: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!\nJoey Tribbiani: Which one, they all suck!\nCharlie Wheeler: The museum!\nJoey Tribbiani: I don't think so.\nRachel Green: Hi there!\nReceptionist: Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?\nRachel Green: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.\nReceptionist: This has been torn up.\nRachel Green: And... taped back together.\nReceptionist: Ok well, I'll call you as soon as your massage therapist is ready.\nRachel Green: Ok.\nReceptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.\nRachel Green: through the glass doors.\nReceptionist: Through the glass doors.\nRachel Green: Alright-y then.\nReceptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?\nReceptionist: Sorry, everyone is booked!\nPhoebe Buffay: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.\nReceptionist: Then why you work here?\nPhoebe Buffay: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!\nReceptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, are they listening?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ross!\nRoss Geller: Hi!\nJoey Tribbiani: I need to talk to you about Charlie.\nRoss Geller: Oh, do you, do you really?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.\nRoss Geller: Look, if you don't know what the word \"acrimonious\" means, just don't use it!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...\nRoss Geller: Get to the problem!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!\nRoss Geller: Are you wearing two belts?\nJoey Tribbiani: EH, what do you know!\nRoss Geller: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!\nRoss Geller: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.\nJoey Tribbiani: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.\nRoss Geller: Fine.\nJoey Tribbiani: Thanks.\nRoss Geller: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!\nJoey Tribbiani: The Metsss!\nRoss Geller: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, that's what she meant! You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.\nJoey Tribbiani: Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!\nRoss Geller: But I'm not! . You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?\nRoss Geller: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.\nRoss Geller: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.\nJoey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right.\nChandler Bing: I have a weird feeling about this place. How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.\nMonica Geller: Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.\nNurse: Mr. Bing? Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.\nChandler Bing: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.\nMonica Geller: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, I guess!\nMonica Geller: I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares! No one here even knows you!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: OH MY GOD!!\nChandler Bing: Oh, Come on!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!\nMonica Geller: Hey, we're probably fertile, let's go home!\nChandler Bing: Why are you here?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...\nChandler Bing: No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! Oh! They gave you the kiddy size .\nChandler Bing: What!?\nMonica Geller: This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to!\nChandler Bing: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... got a hot date...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Please... go! Just let me know if you need a hand!\nChandler Bing: I think it just fell off.\nPhoebe Buffay: Hello \"ja\", it's time for your massage, ja! Put your face in the hole.\nRachel Green: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay, then I'm Swedish...\nMonica Geller: So, what's your name?\nPhoebe Buffay: It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...\nRachel Green: Oh... what an interesting name.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ja!\nRachel Green: You know I...\nPhoebe Buffay: Time for your scalp massage!\nRachel Green: Wow... I really love your...\nPhoebe Buffay: Is something wrong?\nRachel Green: No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhm... Stockholm.\nRachel Green: Damn! I wish I knew if that was right!\nJoey Tribbiani: Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.\nRoss Geller: Now, do you have any idea what you just said?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!\nRoss Geller: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.\nJoey Tribbiani: Phonetically?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, yeah that means... you know? We just... we don't have time for this.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok.\nRoss Geller: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on \"Days\" I had to say \"Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy\".\nRoss Geller: Wow. What does that mean?\nJoey Tribbiani: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means \"you're gonna get eaten by a bear\".\nRoss Geller: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! .\nRoss Geller: Nah ah! Nah ah! No no no! No ad-libbing and dude, you can't touch the paintings.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on! you...\nRoss Geller: No!\nChandler Bing: My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! Janice! You're not... gone?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?\nChandler Bing: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!\nJanice Litman Goralnik: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?\nChandler Bing: I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?\nJanice Litman Goralnik: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.\nChandler Bing: oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...\nJanice Litman Goralnik: What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office?\nChandler Bing: It was a \"Wendy's!! \"\nPhoebe Buffay: \"Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! \" And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking!\nRachel Green: Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, Ja! Ja!\nRachel Green: Yah! She's... uhm... not very good though...\nPhoebe Buffay: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?\nRachel Green: I don't know... maybe it's because she has got such callousy fingers from playing crummy guitar...\nPhoebe Buffay: Or... maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high maintenance tight ass!\nRachel Green: Phoebe!!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know it's me?\nRachel Green: For like a half an hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!\nPhoebe Buffay: How can you come here?\nRachel Green: How could you not tell me you worked here?\nPhoebe Buffay: I don't have to tell you everything!\nRachel Green: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!\nPhoebe Buffay: Tips not included.\nRachel Green: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?\nPhoebe Buffay: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!\nRachel Green: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!\nPhoebe Buffay: You know what? You are right. I am gonna quit. It's time I took my life back!\nRachel Green: Good for you Pheebs!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nPhoebe Buffay: Okay If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.\nRoss Geller: Haha! Got ya! Die, die, die!\nRoss Geller: Respectfully, professor R. Geller. , closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hi!\nRoss Geller: Hey, how was the Met?\nCharlie Wheeler: The museum was amazing!\nRoss Geller: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?\nCharlie Wheeler: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.\nRoss Geller: What do you mean?\nCharlie Wheeler: Well, for one, he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around.\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?\nCharlie Wheeler: No, we went to the left.\nRoss Geller: Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, it's fun .\nRoss Geller: What?\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.\nRoss Geller: What, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on.\nCharlie Wheeler: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, I guess that's true.\nRoss Geller: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.\nCharlie Wheeler: He is very sweet. Plus he's hot!\nRoss Geller: That was going to be my next argument.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: You're ready?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, let's go. Thanks Ross.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.\nRoss Geller: Glad I could help man.\nJoey Tribbiani: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... I made it work.\nChandler Bing: It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.\nChandler Bing: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? Oh. Well, so what does that mean? Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks.\nMonica Geller: Hey sweetie.\nChandler Bing: Doctor Connelly just called.\nMonica Geller: With good news? Of course it is not good news, you just said \"Doctor Connelly just called\". If it was good news you would have said \"Doctor Connelly just called! \" But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?\nChandler Bing: Actually it's both of us.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.\nMonica Geller: Oh... what does that mean?\nChandler Bing: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. It means...\nMonica Geller: Chandler?\nChandler Bing: It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God!\nChandler Bing: I'm sorry.\nMonica Geller: I'm sorry too.\nChandler Bing: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.\nMonica Geller: I know. Closing credits.\nReceptionist: Good morning Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good morning receptionist.\nReceptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.\nPhoebe Buffay: Rachel Green? Son of a bitch, she came back?\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassy."}
{"text": "Charlie Wheeler: Oh! That feels sooo good!\nRachel Green: Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live sex show!\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, what?\nRachel Green: Oh... Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not... I was just-I was just reading to Emma.\nCharlie Wheeler: From... Cosmo??\nRachel Green: Yeah, yeah... It's... \"climax your way to better skin\".\nCharlie Wheeler: So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!\nJoey Tribbiani: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.\nRachel Green: Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh hey Rach!\nRachel Green: Yeah...\nJoey Tribbiani: Maybe you could take Charlie shopping.\nRachel Green: Oh, well...\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sure you have better things to do.\nJoey Tribbiani: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.\nCharlie Wheeler: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.\nRachel Green: Ok, uh-uh... Let's-Let's shop!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... ... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, great! All right, bye! Pain in the ass!! That's off, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: What's the matter, Pheebs?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like \"Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!\". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!\nRachel Green: Which you're not, because you've totally hung up on him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Exactly!\nRachel Green: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't even think about that! Aaargh, sexual politics!!\nRachel Green: Hey Pheebs, I'm-I'm taking Charlie shopping, why don't you come and I'll help you find something.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, that'll be great!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.\nRachel Green: That's not what we're gonna do!\nJoey Tribbiani: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'?\nChandler Bing: Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!\nMonica Geller: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!\nChandler Bing: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!\nDoctor Connelly: Hi there.\nChandler Bing: Hi.\nMonica Geller: Hi.\nDoctor Connelly: I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week but I wanted to talk to you about your options.\nMonica Geller: Ok.\nDoctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.\nChandler Bing: Oh, DAMN IT!\nMonica Geller: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.\nDoctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.\nMonica Geller: Ok.\nDoctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you can always adopt.\nChandler Bing: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!\nRachel Green: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, yeah! Let's do it!\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, have a good time.\nRachel Green: Not gonna find any clothes in there!\nRoss Geller: Hey, you guys!\nRachel Green: Hi.\nRoss Geller: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?\nCharlie Wheeler: Umh... Kurts Baley?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract Well, why are you laughing?\nJoey Tribbiani: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!\nCharlie Wheeler: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions?\nRoss Geller: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.\nCharlie Wheeler: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him.\nRachel Green: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya?\nRoss Geller: Tsz... NO! .\nChandler Bing: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.\nChandler Bing: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.\nRoss Geller: It's in Barbados.\nChandler Bing: But you come first!\nRachel Green: I'm there!\nCharlie Wheeler: We'll see you, guys!\nJoey Tribbiani: Bye.\nRachel Green: Bye, see ya.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?\nChandler Bing: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.\nRoss Geller: So-so what did the doctor say?\nChandler Bing: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.\nJoey Tribbiani: So you're ruling out surrogacy?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nJoey Tribbiani: So, I don't have to learn what that means?\nChandler Bing: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.\nJoey Tribbiani: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs?\nChandler Bing: ah-ha!\nRoss Geller: How do you feel about all this?\nChandler Bing: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!\nRoss Geller: What?\nRoss Geller: What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!\nRoss Geller: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.\nProfessor Sherman: Mmm-mm.\nRoss Geller: I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. So-so what I am saying is - is is that is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's not what you want...\nShop Assistant: Incentive For Men?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I'll take some of that.\nRachel Green: Pheebs, that's for men!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. Yeah.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. . Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!\nCharlie Wheeler: So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?\nRachel Green: On Melanie Griffith in \"Working girl\". I think what you want is over here.\nCharlie Wheeler: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a \"thank you\", I would really love to take you out.\nRachel Green: Really?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?\nRachel Green: Oh, I can't. Because I-I've seen them.\nCharlie Wheeler: You've seen all the movies...\nRachel Green: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies!\nPhoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?\nRachel Green: Sure!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok!\nCharlie Wheeler: Wha, you know, maybe we can do something else!\nRachel Green: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.\nPhoebe Buffay: So what were you doing out there, do you not like Charlie?\nRachel Green: She's ok, I just don't get a really good vibe from her!\nPhoebe Buffay: Why?\nRachel Green: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!\nPhoebe Buffay: Who else?\nRachel Green: Anybody! You, me, you know, Monica's mom...\nPhoebe Buffay: You like Joey?\nRachel Green: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nRachel Green: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!\nPhoebe Buffay: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him?\nRachel Green: Oh, I get it!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.\nRachel Green: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nRachel Green: So can we keep this between us?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure!\nRachel Green: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh.\nPhoebe Buffay: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?\nMonica Geller: Hi honey!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!\nMonica Geller: Oh, of course, it's so nice to see you again, Zack!\nZack: You too.\nChandler Bing: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.\nMonica Geller: I got it.\nZack: Thanks.\nChandler Bing: So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I guess.\nChandler Bing: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!\nMonica Geller: Excuse me?\nChandler Bing: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is \"spermtastic\"!\nMonica Geller: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! \"Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm\"!\nChandler Bing: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.\nMonica Geller: Chandler!\nChandler Bing: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!\nMonica Geller: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!\nChandler Bing: Ok!\nMonica Geller: Uh!\nChandler Bing: Zack!\nZack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring.\nMonica Geller: Tell me about yourself, Zack!\nRachel Green: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me.\nRachel Green: Ok, great!\nRachel Green: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying!\nPhoebe Buffay: I didn't say anything yet!\nRachel Green: Well, get back in there and talk!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.\nRachel Green: What!?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.\nRachel Green: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too!\nPhoebe Buffay: Ooh! We have a problem.\nRachel Green: Oh! What are we gonna do?\nStranger: Just be honest with her.\nRachel Green: Oh my God!\nStranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...\nRachel Green: Alright! Enough out of you!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hello?\nRoss Geller: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?\nJoey Tribbiani: No. no... eh... she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up?\nRoss Geller: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker...\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! How's it going?\nRoss Geller: It could be better! He, uhm... he fell asleep!\nJoey Tribbiani: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda!\nRoss Geller: Barbados.\nJoey Tribbiani: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!\nRoss Geller: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, just wake him up!\nRoss Geller: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?\nMonica Geller: Hey guys! Dinner's ready!\nZack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. Thanks!\nChandler Bing: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones!\nMonica Geller: Ok, there's enthusiastic and there's just plain gay!!\nChandler Bing: You don't like him.\nMonica Geller: I think he is fine! It's just that we don't know anything real about him... we should get more information.\nChandler Bing: Alright! Just follow my lead!\nZack: You guys have such a great place here.\nChandler Bing: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?\nZack: Uhm... no. Although I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis.\nChandler Bing: That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.\nZack: Okaaay... so eh... so tell me, how did you guys meet.\nMonica Geller: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?\nZack: No...\nMonica Geller: Eh... Heart Disease, Alzheimers, gout?\nZack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?\nMonica Geller: We're just making conversation.\nZack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...\nChandler Bing: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness.\nZack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else?\nZack: Ravioli's delicious!\nChandler Bing: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?\nZack: No I didn't.\nMonica Geller: Yess!!\nChandler Bing: We're teeth people Zack!\nRachel Green: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.\nPhoebe Buffay: Good plan.\nRachel Green: Ok. Wha...? where? Where are you going?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at \"who's more over who\"!\nRachel Green: Hey, hi! Hey, where've you been?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh! trying on clothes.\nRachel Green: Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!\nCharlie Wheeler: Rachel... I heard you guys whispering.\nRachel Green: Oh God. You did. You heard. Ok, listen, let me explain.\nCharlie Wheeler: No! There's nothing to explain. I heard you. Phoebe likes Joey.\nRachel Green: Yeah.\nCharlie Wheeler: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?\nRachel Green: Yeah! That's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all! It's like she's a nympho!\nCharlie Wheeler: Wow!\nRachel Green: Yeah...\nCharlie Wheeler: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.\nRachel Green: I try...\nRoss Geller: Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you!\nProfessor Feesen: You're welcome.\nJoey Tribbiani: Wow! You look... ... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you sure? Because I'm really dreading going to this party.\nJoey Tribbiani: Then don't go!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!\nPhoebe Buffay: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.\nPhoebe Buffay: David?\nDavid: Phoebe! Hi!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God!\nDavid: Wow, you look unbelievable.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah. What-what are you doing here?\nDavid: Well, I'm back from Minsk... permanently.\nPhoebe Buffay: What happened?\nDavid: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nDavid: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that it can't be done.\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, it's great that you're back! How are you?\nDavid: Good, good, life is good...\nPhoebe Buffay: Good!\nDavid: Ah well, I-I'm seeing someone.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, good for you.\nDavid: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said \"Boy, I want that\".\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike and I broke up.\nDavid: You're kidding me. Because I'm not seeing anybody, I've just totally made that up.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really?\nDavid: Yeah, I don't know why, I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't want to lose face.\nPhoebe Buffay: I understand. Yeah. Ok so then ok, so we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. That's so not like us!\nDavid: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Well... no.\nDavid: Do you wanna get a drink?\nPhoebe Buffay: I'd love to.\nDavid: Great.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok.\nDavid: Do you smell beets?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, got it, stay upwind of me.\nCharlie Wheeler: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?\nRachel Green: No, that's David.\nCharlie Wheeler: There's a third guy?\nRachel Green: Tip of the iceberg.\nZack: I'm gonna take off now. You're gonna let me go home, aren't you?\nChandler Bing: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?\nZack: No, no, I should get home, I'm kinda tired.\nChandler Bing: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.\nZack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.\nChandler Bing: Ok.\nChandler Bing: I think we've found our sperm!\nMonica Geller: Does seem pretty perfect.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?\nMonica Geller: No.\nChandler Bing: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!\nMonica Geller: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.\nChandler Bing: Yeah, he's better!\nMonica Geller: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else.\nChandler Bing: Really? Are you sure?\nMonica Geller: Yeah, I'm sure.\nChandler Bing: Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.\nMonica Geller: That is so sweet. I love you.\nChandler Bing: So you know this leaves us with...\nMonica Geller: Adoption.\nChandler Bing: How do you feel about that?\nMonica Geller: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.\nChandler Bing: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.\nMonica Geller: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?\nChandler Bing: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, we're gonna be parents!\nChandler Bing: We are gonna be great parents.\nMonica Geller: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there our baby could be being conceived.\nChandler Bing: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!\nChandler Bing: Hey, Zack!\nZack: Hey Chandler.\nChandler Bing: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.\nZack: No you didn't.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nZack: No you did.\nChandler Bing: My wife and I have some boundary issues, you know, sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. We're working on it.\nJeanette: Here are the boards for Friday's pitch .\nZack: Oh, thank you.\nChandler Bing: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?"}
{"text": "Joey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm all packed and ready to go!\nRoss Geller: Oh, that's right! Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: Mmh-mmh.\nRoss Geller: Can you say Barbados?\nJoey Tribbiani: Barbados!\nRoss Geller: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.\nRachel Green: Do you have anything that would... get us out of them?\nChandler Bing: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, \"island's stuff\".\nPhoebe Buffay: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.\nRoss Geller: Oh, right, because he's a scientist!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, no, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.\nRoss Geller: Ok, we gotta go, yeah? So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.\nJoey Tribbiani: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.\nRoss Geller: It's a blanket Joe, not a cloak of invisibility!\nCharlie Wheeler: Wow! This place is beautiful!\nRoss Geller: Look at all these paleontologists!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow!\nWoman: Oh my God, I can't believe you're here!\nJoey Tribbiani: I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!\nWoman: Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!\nJoey Tribbiani: That... never happens...\nWoman: I've been following your career for years, I-I can't wait for your keynote speech.\nRoss Geller: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...\nWoman: I would love your autograph.\nRoss Geller: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... \"Dear...\"\nWoman: Sarah.\nRoss Geller: \"... Sarah. I dig you\", Uh? \"Doctor Ross Geller\".\nSarah: Thank you so much!\nRoss Geller: Yeah, oh and Sarah... I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, uh, Professor Wheeler, a-and this is Joey Tribbiani.\nSarah: Are you a paleontologist?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, God, no! No! No no, I'm an actor. You'd probably recognize me from a little show called \"The Days of Our Lives\".\nRoss Geller: Dude, it's just \"Days of Our Lives\"... there's no the.\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, Ross! It's... It's fun, yeah! No, I-I play Doctor Drake Ramoray.\nSarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.\nJoey Tribbiani: You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at??\nMonica Geller: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.\nDavid: Oh, certainly. That's a combination of Bernoulli's principle and Newton's third law of motion.\nMonica Geller: See?\nChandler Bing: Yeah, that's the same as \"it has something to do with wind\".\nMonica Geller: Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike?? Who's Mike?\nDavid: Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!\nPhoebe Buffay: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!\nDavid: It's ok. Ho-honest mistake.\nPhoebe Buffay: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!\nChandler Bing: She does?\nMonica Geller: Let's get you out of here!!\nMonica Geller: At least you took me down with you!\nPhoebe Buffay: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?\nMonica Geller: I guess, in time.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah.\nMonica Geller: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.\nPhoebe Buffay: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!\nDavid: Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?\nChandler Bing: I wouldn't read too much into it.\nDavid: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?\nChandler Bing: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.\nDavid: Sorry, I just... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe...\nChandler Bing: Seriously, we're gonna do this?\nDavid: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?\nChandler Bing: Oh, because his penis was too big. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?\nDavid: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!\nChandler Bing: What?\nDavid: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.\nChandler Bing: I didn't mean now...\nDavid: Why not? It's brilliant! Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.\nChandler Bing: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.\nDavid: How do you think I should propose?\nChandler Bing: David, I'm pretending to read here!!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! How you doin'? Yeah alright!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?\nCharlie Wheeler: I didn't mean a thong... I meant thongs...\nJoey Tribbiani: You really should have been more clear about that!\nRoss Geller: Hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey!\nRoss Geller: You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! ah! eh... Britney Spears!?\nRoss Geller: Yeah, she never misses these conferences! No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh my God! Did you talk to him?\nRoss Geller: Yeah... what am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz?\nJoey Tribbiani: You could say: \"Hey Kenny, how come you're not Britney Spears?\"\nRoss Geller: Ready to go?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah!\nJoey Tribbiani: Wha...? You're gonna go now? I thought we could hang out?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nCharlie Wheeler: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Will you wear a thong?\nCharlie Wheeler: I will if you will.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!\nRoss Geller: I'm good, I have dinner plans .\nCharlie Wheeler: So you'll be ok?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. I've got tons of stuff I could do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming...\nRoss Geller: Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh man!\nCharlie Wheeler: There's an indoor pool, you can swim there!\nJoey Tribbiani: I wasn't gonna swim, I was gonna dig a hole!\nMonica Geller: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.\nChandler Bing: I do! Want a hint? huh? \"I do\" \"I do\".\nMonica Geller: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.\nChandler Bing: David is going to propose to Phoebe.\nMonica Geller: What? Why?\nChandler Bing: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.\nMonica Geller: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?\nChandler Bing: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?\nMonica Geller: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say \"No\", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.\nChandler Bing: Man, that's some bad advice!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Hey! Thank God you guys are here!\nRachel Green: Hey! Hey what's going on?\nJoey Tribbiani: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!\nRachel Green: Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!\nMonica Geller: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!\nChandler Bing: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in.\nMonica Geller: Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!\nMonica Geller: And make sure our room isn't next to theirs .\nRachel Green: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could share that with a guy.\nPhoebe Buffay: Not Joey.\nRachel Green: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.\nMonica Geller: Yeah, right!\nDavid: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight.\nChandler Bing: Tonight?! Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? Oh, there it is!\nDavid: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.\nChandler Bing: Nice!\nChandler Bing: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec?\nMonica Geller: Ok!\nChandler Bing: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!\nMonica Geller: See what happens when you give people advice? I hope you told him not to?\nChandler Bing: That would be advice!!\nMonica Geller: Ok fine. I'll handle this. Phoebe?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah?\nMonica Geller: I need to talk to you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Are you leaving \"The Supremes\"?\nMonica Geller: Ok, my husband just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice. Look, David is going to propose to you tonight.\nPhoebe Buffay: Wow? Really? That's fantastic!\nMonica Geller: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: \"Mike, do you take Phoebe...\" You know, it's every girl's dream!\nMonica Geller: Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike... David! David. I love David. Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!\nRoss Geller: By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.\nCharlie Wheeler: It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference.\nRoss Geller: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. .\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey guys!\nRoss Geller: The chocolates aren't here yet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Damnit!\nCharlie Wheeler: Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic!\nChandler Bing: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?\nRoss Geller: If you want to check your email, just ask!\nChandler Bing: What? May I?\nRachel Green: What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually the wet season is June to December.\nRachel Green: It's not the time Charlie.\nChandler Bing: Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? Oh! Secret teapot?\nChandler Bing: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!\nRoss Geller: Wha... what do you mean?\nChandler Bing: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.\nRoss Geller: What, oh my God. What did you do?\nChandler Bing: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.\nRoss Geller: Why, why would you open it?\nChandler Bing: Well, it didn't say \"This is a virus\"!!\nRoss Geller: What did it say?\nChandler Bing: Nude... ... pictures of Anna Kournikova. I'm so sorry.\nRoss Geller: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!\nChandler Bing: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?\nRoss Geller: NO! I don't!!\nChandler Bing: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!\nJoey Tribbiani: It's really gone?\nRoss Geller: Yep! I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here to complain about the rain and ruin my career!\nChandler Bing: I just feel awful.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, well you should! I mean, nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? I mean, she's never even won a major tournament!\nChandler Bing: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... you know, you and Monica have the same \"I'm gonna kill you\" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her...\nRoss Geller: Get out!\nRachel Green: You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.\nRoss Geller: Well, what do you do?\nRachel Green: Well, I usually go... play Tetris on somebody else's computer.\nRoss Geller: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?\nJoey Tribbiani: I could teach you a speech that I memorized for auditions.\nRoss Geller: I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!\nCharlie Wheeler: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!\nRoss Geller: Wha... what you really think we can do that?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner .\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.\nRachel Green: Ugh.\nRoss Geller: Alright, ok, let's do it. Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, oh! Any chance any of this happened in a \"Galaxy far, far away\"? .\nMike Hannigan: Hello?\nMonica Geller: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole \"I never want to get married\" thing and step up!\nMike Hannigan: Who is this?\nMonica Geller: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say \"yes\" but I know she really wants to be with you!\nMike Hannigan: He... he's gonna propose?\nMonica Geller: I... I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair!\nMike Hannigan: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.\nMonica Geller: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? Damnit!\nMonica Geller: Well, I hope you're happy!\nChandler Bing: Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!\nMonica Geller: Phoebe is going to say \"Yes\" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!\nChandler Bing: Phoebe is going to say \"yes\"? That's, that's great!\nMonica Geller: No it's not, b'cause she's still in love with Mike!\nChandler Bing: And there's not chance that will work?\nMonica Geller: No, I called him. It's not gonna happen.\nChandler Bing: Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!\nMonica Geller: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!\nChandler Bing: This vacation sucks!!\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm so bored! Stupid rain, we... we can't do anything.\nRachel Green: Well, I've brought some books. We could read.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!\nWaiter: I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention.\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?\nRachel Green: We can't. We're not pharmacists!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know we're not, but Frank Medeio and... Eva Trorro... womba...\nRachel Green: Kate Miller?\nJoey Tribbiani: Kate Miller it is.\nRachel Green: And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.\nJoey Tribbiani: In that case should I make sure it's on real good?\nRachel Green: Thank you.\nCharlie Wheeler: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.\nRoss Geller: Yeah, that's it?\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, we did it!\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually I did it Ross. You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.\nRoss Geller: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. That's a pretty necklace.\nCharlie Wheeler: Thank you.\nRoss Geller: Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne?\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, I love you.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?\nRoss Geller: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.\nCharlie Wheeler: Your first marriage?\nRoss Geller: Yeah.\nCharlie Wheeler: You're married more than once?\nRoss Geller: No.\nCharlie Wheeler: So, why did you break up?\nRoss Geller: Oh, it was... it's complicated, you know? She... she was... eh... gay.\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh my God, this is so cool!\nRoss Geller: Ok, odd thing to get excited about!\nCharlie Wheeler: No, it's just... I was enganged to a guy who turned out to be gay!\nRoss Geller: Hey! High-five!\nCharlie Wheeler: Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs? My fiance was always going away on these long weekends with his tennis partner.\nRoss Geller: My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with everyday for a year. She didn't get any fitter.\nCharlie Wheeler: Right and then everybody finds out and they're like: \"Oh, I knew all along\"\nRoss Geller: I know! It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me, you know? I mean, call, or leave a note: \"Hi, I just dropped by to say your wife's gay\"\nCharlie Wheeler: I know!\nRoss Geller: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?\nCharlie Wheeler: I didn't do that.\nRoss Geller: Me neither.\nJoey Tribbiani: Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.\nRachel Green: I know, that old lady at the end was ready to take you home.\nJoey Tribbiani: Not enough pills in the world, Rach. What about you, you're the single one, seen anybody in there you like?\nRachel Green: Well, let's see. There was a really big guy that I was talking to, with the really nice breasts...\nJoey Tribbiani: But what about back home, anything going on there? Anybody you like?\nRachel Green: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: There it is, you're blushing!\nRachel Green: No, I'm not blushing, I'm sunburnt! From, you know, the rain.\nJoey Tribbiani: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it?\nRachel Green: No.\nJoey Tribbiani: Tell me who it is.\nRachel Green: Joey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Come on who? Who do you like? Tell me. You're not getting away that easy. Who do you like, who?\nRachel Green: Joey, come on! It doesn't matter, you know, it's not like anything's gonna happen.\nJoey Tribbiani: What? Why not? Rach, who can you not get?\nRachel Green: Oh! Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, who is that?\nRachel Green: Do ya?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nCharlie Wheeler: I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.\nJoey Tribbiani: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?\nRoss Geller: Yep, we got it, we got it. Thank you so much.\nCharlie Wheeler: I had a great time.\nJoey Tribbiani: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...\nRachel Green: Later! La...\nCharlie Wheeler: So, shall we?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah.\nRachel Green: Ok. See you, bye.\nCharlie Wheeler: Bye.\nRoss Geller: Good night.\nJoey Tribbiani: Night.\nMonica Geller: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.\nChandler Bing: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.\nDavid: Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.\nMonica Geller: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.\nChandler Bing: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? \"Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh...\" Spit it out, David!\nDavid: Uh, Phoebe, uh... you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!\nPhoebe Buffay: Sure, ok, yeah.\nDavid: But well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So, to that end...\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh my God, Mike!\nDavid: It's David, actually!\nPhoebe Buffay: No, Mike's here.\nDavid: Hi Mike!\nMike Hannigan: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... Oh!\nMonica Geller: IT'S THE HUMIDITY!\nMike Hannigan: Hi Phoebe.\nPhoebe Buffay: What are you, what are you doing here?\nMike Hannigan: I have a question I need to ask you.\nDavid: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.\nMike Hannigan: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.\nDavid: Ok, would you care for my seat as well?\nMike Hannigan: Actually yeah, that'll be great.\nDavid: That's fair, you've had a long trip.\nMike Hannigan: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.\nDavid: Kinda stepped on the toes of what I was going to say.\nMike Hannigan: Sorry David, but she really has to know this.\nDavid: Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.\nMonica Geller: You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? Now, I don't actually have a ring...\nDavid: I have a ring.\nChandler Bing: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.\nDavid: Phoebe, will you marry me?\nPhoebe Buffay: No!\nDavid: Uhm... Ha ha!\nPhoebe Buffay: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.\nMike Hannigan: We can have any future you want.\nDavid: Ok, I'm gonna take off.\nPhoebe Buffay: David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.\nDavid: Just so I know, if I had asked first...\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.\nDavid: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip!\nMike Hannigan: Is it ok if I hug you now?\nPhoebe Buffay: Yes!\nMonica Geller: BECAUSE OF OUR MEDDLING! Alright?"}
{"text": "Chandler Bing: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.\nMonica Geller: I know.\nRachel Green: Open your drapes! Open your drapes!\nChandler Bing: I'm so glad we've got adjoining rooms!\nMonica Geller: The sun is out!\nChandler Bing: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?\nMonica Geller: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.\nChandler Bing: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.\nRachel Green: Nooo!\nMonica Geller: Damn it!\nRoss Geller: Walls are pretty thin, guys!\nRoss Geller: Then we have to await the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.\nRachel Green: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!\nRoss Geller: Finally, factoring the profusion of new species recently discovered: Gigantosaurus, Argentinasaurus...\nChandler Bing: Not to mention the cold sores.\nRoss Geller: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.\nChandler Bing: Really?\nRoss Geller: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...\nCharlie Wheeler: What?\nJoey Tribbiani: He said \"erectus\"!\nCharlie Wheeler: You're... you're kidding, right?\nJoey Tribbiani: No, he really said it.\nRoss Geller: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...\nJoey Tribbiani: Erectus?\nRachel Green: Homo.\nRoss Geller: ... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. Thank you!\nRoss Geller: Oh, thanks guys!\nMan With A Bow Tie: I thought... it was wonderful!\nRoss Geller: Oh!\nMan With A Bow Tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... .\nRoss Geller: Ok... now... now we're just holding hands!\nRachel Green: All right! Well, uh... we're gonna hit the beach?\nMonica Geller: Yeah!\nRachel Green: It was really... great!\nRoss Geller: Oh, thank you so much!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, and so funny!\nRachel Green: Oh!\nRoss Geller: Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!\nMike Hannigan: You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!\nMike Hannigan: Oh... I'm back!\nRoss Geller: Ok!... Uh... excuse me? Yeah?\nRoss Geller: Hey! Well...?\nCharlie Wheeler: You were incredible!\nRoss Geller: Yeah?\nCharlie Wheeler: You blew them away!\nRoss Geller: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were mouthing the words along with me?\nCharlie Wheeler: I was not!\nRoss Geller: No, it's ok! Made me feel like a rock star!\nCharlie Wheeler: Oh my God! I'm your groupie!\nRoss Geller: I'd better not found you naked in my hotel room!\nRoss Geller: Look, I took it too far!\nMonica Geller: I can't believe it's raining again! Oh, it's so unfair!!!\nPhoebe Buffay: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. Not you guys. You got it going on!\nMonica Geller: So, what are we gonna do today?\nMike Hannigan: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.\nMonica Geller: Ping pong? Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!\nChandler Bing: I don't think so!\nMonica Geller: Why not?\nChandler Bing: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!\nMonica Geller: I'm not always that bad!\nChandler Bing: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?\nMonica Geller: I punched you...?\nChandler Bing: And...?\nMonica Geller: ... Phoebe...?\nPhoebe Buffay: ... and...?\nMonica Geller: I clunked your heads together!\nCharlie Wheeler: Hey! There you are!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya!\nCharlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, I can't! I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...\nCharlie Wheeler: You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and especially last night...\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech...\nCharlie Wheeler: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh! Oh, well! At least we're both having fun!\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah...\nCharlie Wheeler: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! A little bit, yeah...\nCharlie Wheeler: I think we need to talk...!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah... I think we do... ... about what?\nMonica Geller: C'mon guys, it'll be fun!\nPhoebe Buffay: All right, all right... I'll play if we don't keep score!\nMonica Geller: But then how do we know who wins?\nPhoebe Buffay: Nobody wins!\nMonica Geller: So, we're just four losers... SUPER!\nChandler Bing: I'm not playing with you.\nPhoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm out.\nMike Hannigan: I'll play ya!\nMonica Geller: OK!\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing!\nChandler Bing: She gets crazy! This scar is from Pictionary!\nMike Hannigan: I think I will be all right! You wanna volley a bit for a serve?\nMonica Geller: Sure! Got to!\nMonica Geller: Aww!\nMike Hannigan: Oh, by the way... I'm awesome!!\nChandler Bing: Oh dear God, there's two of them!\nMike Hannigan: You're ready to play?\nMonica Geller: Hell, yeah!\nChandler Bing: Did you know this about him?\nPhoebe Buffay: No idea! I though he was soft like you!\nMike Hannigan: Wanna make it more interesting?\nMonica Geller: How much were you thinking?\nMike Hannigan: Ten bucks a game?\nMonica Geller: Make it fifty!\nMike Hannigan: I'll make it a hundred!\nMonica Geller: One thousand...\nChandler Bing: OK!\nMike Hannigan: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?\nMonica Geller: No... Either of you girls got a quarter?\nChandler Bing: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!\nPhoebe Buffay: Monica, you call it.\nMonica Geller: Heads! No, Tails! He-he-heads!\nPhoebe Buffay: Tails!\nMonica Geller: Ow, what are the chances!\nMonica Geller: Ha! My point!\nMike Hannigan: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.\nPhoebe Buffay: He was a lawyer!\nAlexandra Steele: ... all these coasts having beautiful weather. In New York, it's 72 and sunny!\nRachel Green: Oh! Weather bitch!\nRachel Green: It's open! Hi, Joe!\nJoey Tribbiani: Hey...\nRachel Green: What, is everything ok?\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh... Charlie and I broke up.\nRachel Green: Nooooo, why?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh well, she said we have nothing in common.\nRachel Green: Oh, that's crazy!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, it's not, we have nothing in common!\nRachel Green: ... yeah, it's true.\nJoey Tribbiani: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!\nRachel Green: What, hey!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok, Rach!\nJoey Tribbiani: I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?\nRachel Green: W-What are you, what are you talking about?\nJoey Tribbiani: Oh, c'mon, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie, and it's like... What the hell is my problem? OH!\nRachel Green: Ok... uh... maybe you're not always going after the wrong girl...\nJoey Tribbiani: I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me!\nRachel Green: Yeah, I'm not talking about her...\nJoey Tribbiani: But then who? The waitress I went out with last month?\nRachel Green: You know? Forget it!\nJoey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no, no! Who, who were you talking about?\nRachel Green: No, I-I-I-I don't, I actually don't know who I'm talking about! So!\nJoey Tribbiani: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!\nRachel Green: Yeah, sure!\nJoey Tribbiani: You like me?\nRachel Green: Ok, let's not make a big thing about this!\nJoey Tribbiani: That's a huge thing!\nRachel Green: Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts musings, if you will!\nJoey Tribbiani: What... for how long?\nRachel Green: Only like a month!\nJoey Tribbiani: A MONTH??\nRachel Green: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! Ok, dial it up a little!\nJoey Tribbiani: I just have one question!\nRachel Green: Shoot!\nJoey Tribbiani: What the hell are you doin'???\nRachel Green: I don't know, I'm not trying to do anything, it's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know... I mean, aren't you just a... little curious... what that would be like?...\nJoey Tribbiani: Uh, am I curious? I mean, I am as curious as... as... George!!\nRachel Green: Who...?\nJoey Tribbiani: CURIOUS GEORGE ! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!\nRachel Green: Oh yes, of course, I remember him!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah, he had a paper route.\nRachel Green: Yeah, he did! Oh, see, this is what I'm talking about!\nJoey Tribbiani: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!\nRachel Green: But can it... just... happen a little bit?\nJoey Tribbiani: NO, NO! It can't happen at all!\nRachel Green: But why, why not?\nJoey Tribbiani: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! I couldn't do it to Ross!\nRachel Green: But that wasn't gonna stop you before!\nJoey Tribbiani: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... I'm sorry...!\nRachel Green: I'm sorry, too! OH GOD! I shouldn't have said anything!\nJoey Tribbiani: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!\nRachel Green: It's not a big deal!\nJoey Tribbiani: NO BIG DEAL!\nRachel Green: It's so not a big deal!\nJoey Tribbiani: Yeah! I'll see ya later! Yeah!\nRachel Green: Ok!\nRachel Green: Ok, I...\nRachel Green: AAAHHHH!\nMonica Geller: Ooh! I'm sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!\nMike Hannigan: Do you?\nMonica Geller: Ah, yeah!\nMike Hannigan: Do you?\nMonica Geller: Ah, yeaaah!\nMike Hannigan: DO YOU?\nMonica Geller: AH YEAAAAH!\nChandler Bing: Do you really find this attractive on him?\nPhoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?\nChandler Bing: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.\nPhoebe Buffay: C'mon Mike, you can beat her! Knock that dog off her head!\nMonica Geller: Oh, damn it!\nPhoebe Buffay: I sleep with him!\nMike Hannigan: Game, point!\nMonica Geller: Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?\nMike Hannigan: You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.\nMonica Geller: NO, NO, NOOO!\nMike Hannigan: And that's how it's done!\nChandler Bing: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.\nMonica Geller: Best out of three?\nMike Hannigan: That's what I'm thinking.\nChandler Bing: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?\nMonica Geller: Serve the ball, chump!\nMike Hannigan: : Serve the ball, chump.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.\nJarvis Oberblau: I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks if you ever want to get away from the city, well, that'd be just nifty!\nRoss Geller: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man.\nWoman: Jarvis?\nJarvis Oberblau: Oh, you're back... this is my wife, Nancy.\nRoss Geller: Get Out!\nCharlie Wheeler: Ross, can I talk to you for a minute?\nRoss Geller: Yes, please! So, what's going on?\nCharlie Wheeler: Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.\nRoss Geller: Oh my God, wh-what happened?\nCharlie Wheeler: Joey is a great guy, but we're just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!\nRoss Geller: I knew that was him!\nCharlie Wheeler: Anyway I just, uh, I think it's for the best.\nRoss Geller: Hey, you ok?\nCharlie Wheeler: I guess. There was hum... there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone else.\nPaleontologist: Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.\nRoss Geller: Oh, professor Clerk we're kind of in the middle of a conversation, here.\nCharlie Wheeler: Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?\nProfessore Clerk: Or we could throw you both in now!\nRoss Geller: Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren't we a little old for this? I mean, we're scientists, right? We're academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. . GO, GO, GO!\nMike Hannigan: Ok, so it's a tie again, 41 to 41.\nChandler Bing: Ok, look! Enough is enough!\nMonica Geller: No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!\nChandler Bing: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!\nMonica Geller: I can't just walk away! I've put in four hours!\nChandler Bing: But...\nMonica Geller: Look! You knew this about me when you married me! You agreed to take me in sickness and in health. Well, this is my sickness!\nChandler Bing: What about the obsessive cleaning?\nMonica Geller: That's just good sense!\nMonica Geller: Aww!\nChandler Bing: You ok?\nMonica Geller: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! Oh my God! I can't play!\nMike Hannigan: So you forfeit?\nPhoebe Buffay: Mike wins?\nMonica Geller: I can't believe it! I lost!\nChandler Bing: No, you didn't.\nMonica Geller: What?\nChandler Bing: Because I'm gonna play for ya.\nPhoebe Buffay: You can't do that!\nMike Hannigan: Oh, that's ok. I don't care which of them I beat.\nPhoebe Buffay: Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.\nMonica Geller: Honey, you don't have to do this.\nChandler Bing: Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.\nMonica Geller: But... you suck!\nChandler Bing: You're welcome, sweetheart.\nChandler Bing: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.\nMike Hannigan: Ok!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God! You're good!\nPhoebe Buffay: It's like watching porn!\nChandler Bing: And that's... how... it's done!\nMonica Geller: Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you Hold on! I almost forgot loser! When did you stop sucking?\nChandler Bing: I never sucked, I actually didn't want you to know how good I was!\nMonica Geller: Why?\nChandler Bing: I don't know.\nMonica Geller: This is so great! Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!\nChandler Bing: That's why!\nCharlie Wheeler: Thanks!\nRoss Geller: Hi.\nCharlie Wheeler: Are they still looking for us?\nRoss Geller: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. You know, we as a group are not the coolest.\nRoss Geller: I don't think they saw us.\nCharlie Wheeler: I don't think they did.\nCharlie Wheeler: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.\nRoss Geller: Oh. Can I... can I ask who?\nCharlie Wheeler: I think you know.\nRoss Geller: I think I know too but I've been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...\nRoss Geller: I'm sorry... we... we can't.\nCharlie Wheeler: All right, all right.\nRoss Geller: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. Or-or not!\nRachel Green: What? Homo ergaster: Some scientists classify some African erectus specimens as belonging to a separate species, Homo ergaster, which differs from the Asian H. erectus fossils in some details of the skull ."}