Scene Description: The camera runs through the mountains.
Narrator: Long ago, in the deep and frozen lands of Scandinavia, there were creatures who wreaked havoc on humanity. [A troll is seen] The Troll. They dwell in rocks, in caves, isolated from civilization. The creatures were ugly, fat and slow-witted, but some could look and behave like human beings. These are the most dangerous. Now, the creatures have returned, this time, a thousand miles across the sea. [Earth is seen as it rotates. It zooms in on America, and an internet troll is seen] Today, the monsters believe they can go undetected, [Different trolls are seen] free to attack and then retreat to the darkness. But in Denmark, we have dealt with the trolls before, and now and now, we shall deal with them... again.
Scene Description: The Broflovski living room. Gerald looks at the note, reading 'I know who you are'. Kyle comes up.
Kyle: Dad, can I talk to you?
Gerald: Sure, Kyle.
Kyle: All the girls at school are really mad. It's like, one guy gets online and says terrible things about girls and it reflects badly on all of us.
Gerald: Uh huh.
Kyle: Everyone's sad, everyone's depressed and nobody knows how to move forward.
Gerald: Good.
Kyle: I guess what I'm saying is, I'm starting to feel a lot of guilt, just for being a boy. How do I not feel that?
Gerald: Sorry Kyle, I have to meet someone. Talk to your mother. [gets off the couch] I love you! [walks away]
Scene Description: Butters' bedroom. Butters Skypes with Charlotte while she is in her room.
Butters: It's been a rough few weeks, Baby. The girls are still mad about being trolled on the school message board, parents are all freaking out about the election and, and I tell you... you are glad to not be living in this country right now.
Charlotte: Butters, I'm sorry, but I told you not to Skype me anymore, right?
Butters: [becomes shocked] But Baby, I love you! I need you! You can't break up with me!
Charlotte: I have to stand with my girlfriends.
Butters: Oh my god, I can't believe they got to you. [starts shouting] Those sneaky snakes in the grass!
Charlotte: Who?!
Butters: Well you know who, the girls in my school! They all broke up with their boyfriends and now they got you to go along with them!
Charlotte: This is a time when women and girls have to stick together.
Butters: So then it's true! You're all snakes in the grass! Every [slams the keyboard] last one of you!
Charlotte: [ends the call]
Butters: Oh Charlotte? [presses on the mouse] Are you there? [presses on the mouse] Honey?
Scene Description: Gerald walks under the Freemont Bridge incognito and meets with Dick. Dick blows a puff of smoke at him.
Gerald: [takes off his sunglasses] I don't know why you are harassing me. I don't even own a computer.
Dick: My name is Dick.
Gerald: Are you with the NSA or Homeland Security?
Dick: No! I'm a colleague.
Gerald: A colleague?
Dick: You probably know me as "Dildo Shwaggins".
Gerald: Dildo Shwaggins from Pussystores.org?!
Dick: We need to talk.
Gerald: You're just a troll?! [turns to his left, raises his arms, and looks up] Oh thank god!
Dick: We're on the same team, Skankhunt.
Gerald: [lowers his hand] Wait, but that means I went "Protocol Zero" for nothing. Oh shit [throws his cup of coffee]!
Dick: What's "Protocol Zero"?
Gerald: [circles around and then sits] Everything's gone! I destroyed my computers, my phone! [looks at Dick] Why couldn't you just say, "I know who you are. I'm a troll too,"? Why do you have to be so fucking cryptic?!
Dick: Us trolls have to be careful. You know that.
Gerald: Look, I'm not really a troll, okay? I just started as a Yelp reviewer and got sick of how everyone's stupid comments sounded. I just like messing with people 'cause it was funny. I got carried away!
Dick: These are really dangerous times, Skankhunt. There are there are things happening in the world and trolls have to come together.
Gerald: For what?
Dick: Someone is trying to wipe us out! Our way of life is in danger.
Gerald: It's not a way of life! I was just doing it for the LOLs.
Dick: That's not true. I've studied your work. You're one of the best trolls I have ever seen.
Gerald: [stands up] No, no! I am done with this crap. I thought my wife was going to find out, [grabs his sunglasses] but that was too spooky. [puts on his sunglasses and walks away].
Dick: Gerald, we need each other. The Danish [raises his arms] are planning something horrible against us.
Gerald: [stops and faces Dick] I'm not one of you, okay? I just need to stop. [tries to climb up the steep dirt, but falls down].
Scene Description: South Park Elementary School Playground. A group of boys come together and form a semi-circle around Kyle.
Kyle: [talks while pacing back and forth] Guys, I've been thinking this over a lot and ... we need to be more active in showing the girls that we respect them. There's a big girl-volleyball game tonight and we should all go and show our support.
Stan: You really think that's gonna make a difference?
Kyle: I do. We need to show the girls that not all boys aren't the same and that we are willing to change. [stops pacing]
Butters: Well why don't you just shut the fuck up, Kyle? [talks while walking] All I've been hearing in a few weeks is how [stops walking]this is our fault, how boys need to change. Well I'm getting pretty sick of it. Everyone else seems to be proud about who they are, but not us; and then we get Uncle Kyle here telling us that the girls are right!
Kyle: Butters?
Butters: [turns towards and points at him] This is a war [walks from Kyle] on all of us. You want to listen to Uncle Kyle, we'll go ahead. Pretty soon [stops walking, and faces Tweek and Craig] they'll be locking us all up. And don't think you're safe either, Tweek and Craig. Just 'cause you're gay does not mean that you aren't looked down upon for being boys! [turns to his left] The world wants us all to feel shame just because we were all born with [points downwards] wieners!
Kyle: Butters, you need to calm down.
Butters: No! [walks towards Kyle] We tried doing it your way, Kyle. We tried doing what the girls wanted us to do and where did it get us?
Clyde: Nowhere.
Butters: [turns around] Right! It turned us against one of our own match, that's what it did! What happened to Eric Cartman is the girl's fault, not ours!
Token: That's true!
Butters: I'm done feeling guilt. I'm a boy, dang nab it! And you know what? I'm proud of my little wiener. Mark my words, the moment is coming when you all need to decide; are you with your kind, [points at Kyle] or are you with Uncle Kyle.
Scene Description: The Broflovski living room. Gerald taps his fingers with boredom on the dinner table. Sheila then checks on her husband.
Sheila: Gerald, you've been sitting at the table for three hours now. You okay?
Gerald: [stops tapping] I'm great! Totally good. Just sitting down and ... doing nothing. Is there a problem with that? Is there a problem with just wanting to sit and just be? Is that illegal now?
Sheila: Not at all, Gerald. I'm sorry.
Gerald: I'm totally happy. I'm happy. I don't need to do anything to make me happy, fuck.
Sheila: Well! I know you said your computer was broken. So, I went ahead and got you something. [takes out iPad from a bag] Here, it's your own iPad.
Gerald: [gets frightened, stands up and tries walking away from Sheila] Ah! Ah ah, ah! No, no! I'm good. Get that away from me.
Sheila: [turns to her husband] You don't like it?
Gerald: No, sorry! I love it! I'm just swearing off electronics for a little bit. [leans closer to the iPad and speaks softer in a harsh tone] Or maybe I can just get on a couple of message boards. [backs away and speaks normally] No, I'm good! I don't need it!
Sheila: Gerald, [walks closer to Gerald] what's going on?
Gerald: Nothing, Sheila. I'm fine. [turns so his body faces the table] I'm just trying to make some changes and less electronics is part of it. I'm sorry, Honey. Everything is okay. Promise.
Sheila: Okay, Gerald. I'll make us some lunch. [walks to the kitchen] Oh uh, did that guy outside talk to you?
Gerald: [faces the front window] What guy outside? [walks towards the window and sees Dick on the other side of the road from his house] What the fuck? [checks on Sheila and then whispers to Dick] Go away, go! [waves his arms sideways] Go! Go away! Go go!
Dick: [shows a note to Gerald that says "WE REALLY HAVE TO TALK", then drops the paper to show the other note saying "IT'S IMPORTANT"]
Gerald: [whispers quickly, closes the blind and curtains of the window, and then walks away]
Scene Description: South Park Elementary gymnasium. A large crowd of people watch the girls volleyball game.
Sports Commentator: Welcome students and parents to tonight's matchup between the South Park Cows and the Bona Festa Demons.
Kyle: Dude, this is awesome! Did you see how many of the boys I've got to come out tonight?!
Stan: Yeah! This is a pretty sweet turnout!
Wendy: [smiles at Stan]
Kyle: This is exactly what we needed. Thank god people listen to me.
Referee: [blows whistle]
Sports Commentator: And now please sit, stand, or kneel for the National Anthem.
Scene Description: National Anthem plays
Butters: [takes off his pants and underwear, pulls his shirt, and raises his fist causing people to be shocked]
Jason: Holy crap, dude. Look at Butters.
Scene Description: other boys gradually start to follow Butters' actions except for adults, Kyle, and Stan
Kyle: Oh [hits his face] no!
Scene Description: South Park.
Gerald: [walks through town depressed and then quickly dodges a bicyclist] Son a bitch! Ahhh! [walks near the Community Center, reads a sign about addiction problems, and checks the group]
Scene Description: South Park Community Center. A group of guys are in a social group hosted by Randy.
Randy: Gerald. Hey come on in. You're not alone, bud. We're all facing the same struggles and trying to do something about it. Anyways please continue, Richard.
Gerald: [sits on the available chair to the right of Randy]
Richard: Well like I was saying, I've been addicted to memberberries for the past two months now.
Randy: It's okay, man. You're not alone.
Richard: It's just, you know, 'membering is more fun than thinking. I want so bad to go back to when things were good. When I was a kid, you know like, the 80s and the 90s, and things made sense.
Randy: And that's how we got here to this very memberberry election.
Gerald: What is this?!
Randy: What have been your struggles with memberberries, Gerald?
Gerald: I, I don't even know what a member-.
Berries: [muffled from Michael's pocket] 'Member the Dagobah? Yeah, I remember the Dagobah. That's where Yoda lives. 'Member Yoda?! Oh, I 'member!
Randy: [coughs] Michael, are there memberberries in your pocket?
Berries: Oh, 'member Corellian Corvette?! I remember Corellian Corvette!
Michael: [sqishes the memberberries] Nope!
Randy: Anyway, Gerald, what has your experience been?
Gerald: I don't even know what memberberries are.
Stephen: Gerald, come on. The first step towards healing is admitting you've got a problem.
Gerald: Yeah. [stands up and points at Stephen] Well you've got a fat pussy, and you should go and fucking kill yourself! [calms down] Sorry, I think I'm in the wrong place. [walks away]
Scene Description: South Park Elementary: Principal's Office. PC Principal talks with Wendy, Bebe, Annie Knitts, and Nichole.
PC Principal: Make no mistake! I want to be very upset. However, as a community, we have all decided that people have the right to protest the National Anthem.
Wendy: They took their wieners out!
PC Principal: [points upwards] Correct! [lowers his arms] But they did so peacefully and without malice towards others.
Wendy: This was an attack on us. This is exactly why we sat out the National Anthem in the first place!
PC Principal: I want you to understand something, ladies. [positions his hands parallel from each other] I am in a PC Pretzel here because if I say [moves his hands to his right] they can't protest even though [moves his hands to the left of him] you protested [moves his hand back towards the middle] and the only difference is that their protest included physical gestures, then I'm body shaming!
Bebe: So you're just gonna let the boys take their wieners out whenever they want?
PC Principal: That's what happens when you sit out the National Anthem.
Scene Description: South Park Elementary: hallways. Stan and Kyle put their stuff in their lockers. While hearing Butters, they face him in shock.
Butters: [speaks through a microphone while rallying a group of boys with their pants pulled out] We walk together in peace! We walk together in peace! We're not poor for feeling ashamed in who we are! We're not gonna feel guilt for the way we were born! Wieners out!
Wieners Out boys (except Butters): Wieners out!
Butters: Don't let anyone tell you you are somehow nice because you're a boy! Don't let anyone tell you to not think with your wiener, as if your wiener is a bad thing!
Wieners Out boys (except Butters): Yeah!
Butters: What makes us different makes us beautiful! No more shame, no more doubt, no more bigotry!
Wendy: [runs away from the rally]
Wieners Out boys (except Butters): Wieners out!
Butters: Don't be an Uncle Kyle! Be proud of who you are!
Stan: [pulls down his pants and joins the rally]
Butters: You are either with us or against us! It's really that simple!
Scene Description: The Broflovski master bedroom. Gerald brushes his teeth when he suddenly hears a flute playing. He checks the window and sees Dick playing on a tree branch.
Gerald: [whispers] Damn it! [waves his arms away from the window] I live here! Stop that! [shuts the curtains and lies on the bed next to Sheila]
Sheila: [stops reading and faces Gerald] You don't have to work tonight?
Gerald: No, nothing!
Sheila: Wow! I don't remember the last time you were able to get in bed the same time as me.
Gerald: Got all caught up with work!
Sheila: Hey, I'm not complaining. [closes her book] It feels good to have you here.
Gerald: [gets off the bed and runs away] I'm going on a run!
Scene Description: South Park. Gerald is going for a run.
Gerald: [gets surprised by the car honking at him] Ah! [raises his fist] Fuck you! ["flips" his index fingers] Fuck you!
Scene Description: The Broflovski master bedroom at 2:43 a.m. Sheila is sleeping.
Gerald: [talks from the master bathroom] Yeah!
Sheila: [fully wakes up]
Gerald: Screw you, Skank! You fat little bitch! Go kill yourself, whore!
Shiela: [gets off bed and walks near the master bathroom].
Gerald: Yeah, fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! [chuckles]
Sheila: Gerald? [opens the door, gets scared of the Gerald's creepy face, screams, and runs away]
Gerald: [lays iPad in the sink and chases Sheila] Oh, sorry, Hun! Sorry!
Scene Description: The Broflovski hallway. Kyle notices Sheila screaming and exits his room.
Kyle: Everyone all right, guys?
Gerald: Everything's fine, Kyle. Go back to bed.
Scene Description: The Broflovski kitchen. Gerald and Sheila sit down on the table to have talk.
Sheila: [wipes her eyes with tissue] One night you, you say all of our computer stuff is broken and you, you hide everything and then you show up with all of this new equipment and now this! Please, tell me what's going on!
Gerald: Nothing is going on!
Sheila: [points at Gerald] You hissed at me! You went [faces to her right, hisses, and then faces back at him].
Gerald: Okay, okay. I'm going to tell you the truth, Sheila. I watch porn on the Internet. I'm sorry. I'll try to stop.
Sheila: But I know you watch porn. You told me you watched porn and I told you that I don't care, Gerald.
Gerald: Oh yeah! But uh, it's uh, but this is different.
Sheila: Why?! Because it's not normal porn?
Gerald: Right!
Sheila: Like something really embarrassing?
Gerald: It's really embarrassing.
Sheila: Tell me!
Gerald: It's... porn! It's... uh, piss! Porn! Piss porn!
Sheila: Piss porn? Like people peeing on each other?
Gerald: [stands up] See?! [walks closer to Sheila] It's so embarrassing! No wonder I hid it, right?! [wipes his forehead] Whew! [moves closer to Sheila] I'm sorry! It's good to get it out in the open though. [walks to bed]
Sheila: Do you want me to pee on you?
Gerald: [stops and turns around] No!
Sheila: You only like watching other women pee?
Gerald: [walks closer to Sheila] Oh no, no! It's not like that.
Sheila: [turns around] Because they're pretty? You have to watch around a video because I'm overweight and old?
Gerald: No! I, I, I want you to! I just couldn't ask.
Sheila: You do, promise? [faces Gerald]
Gerald: [in complete shock] Yes?
Scene Description: The Broflovski master bedroom. Gerald lies on the bed with his top off. Romantic music plays as Sheila walks out of the master bathroom and onto the bed over Gerald's head, while wearing a sex outfit and peeing on him. Gerald gnarls moving his head back and forth.
Sheila: Am I doing it right, Gerald?
Gerald: Yep! [gnarls]
Ike: [watches Gerald and Sheila from the hallway]
Gerald: So hot, I mean [gnarls] warm! [gnarls some more]
Kyle: [walks behind Ike and gets shocked by Gerald and Sheila's actions]
Scene Description: South Park Elementary: hallways. Eric Cartman sits on the stairs sewing a necklace and Kyle approaches him.
Kyle: Hi, Cartman.
Cartman: [looks at Kyle] Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: I'm so sorry, what we did to you. This Internet troll has everyone going crazy. We shouldn't have assumed it was you. We shouldn't have broke all of your stuff.
Cartman: Cool. That's cool.
Kyle: No! I know it's not cool. I know you're figuring out how to get back at us.
Cartman: I saw a vagina, Kyle.
Kyle: What?!
Cartman: I'm not holding a grudge. I'm happier now. I have purpose.
Kyle: You saw who's vagina?
Cartman: My girlfriend's. She stood six feet away and flashed it really fast. But in that instant, you know what I saw? I saw that humankind can colonize Mars. I saw the potential of our species to terraform other planets and reach the infinite.
Kyle: [lays his hand on his forehead] Yeah right, okay. [lowers his hand] I'm being serious, Cartman. Butters needs to be taken down a notch and you're the best at that.
Heidi: [overlaps Kyle's last few words and approaches Eric] Eric, hey! I got us both chocolate milks.
Cartman: [stands up and talks to Heidi] Of course you did 'cause you're amazing. Look at what I made you.
Heidi: The pink and blue one?!
Cartman: That's what my baby wanted.
Heidi: [raises her arms and cheers] Yay, [lowers her arms] put it on me!
Cartman: [puts the necklace on Heidi and faces Kyle] Oh sorry. Heidi, you know Kyle?
Heidi: [faces Kyle] Oh yeah. Hey, Kyle. [talks to Eric while they hold hands] The show's on at five tonight if you want to watch it at your house or my house.
Cartman: Oh either way, we totally can. I, I guess Kyle has something to talk to us something about first, um. [talks to Kyle] Go ahead, Kyle.
Kyle: [in complete shock] The, the school is in trouble and, um our friends are...
Cartman: He said something about us working together to take down Butters.
Heidi: Why? What's going on, Boo?
Cartman: I'm not sure, Boo. [faces Kyle] Could you start from the beginning, Kyle? [faces Heidi] Heidi is amazing at figuring stuff out.
Kyle: [pauses in complete shock]
Scene Description: South Park park. Gerald sits on a bench and starts gnarling after seeing a dog pee on a tree. Dick sits down next to Gerald.
Gerald: It wasn't suppose to be like this. I just thought it was funny making people get wild up. It was just stupid-harmless-lock-room humor, till I made that lady kill herself.
Dick: [sighs] You can't deny who you are, Skankhunt.
Gerald: [speaks softer and faces Dick] Don't call me that here! Why can't you just go away?!
Dick: Because we're all in danger. Didn't you see the video I sent you?
Gerald: No! Don't you get it?! I went "Protocol Zero"! I broke my phone, I delete all my email accounts so that nobody can trace me [faces away from the bench] ever again!
Dick: They will be able to, [faces Gerald] everyone. You need to see this video, Skankhunt. The whole world is about to change.
Scene Description: Sizzler. Kyle sits with Cartman and Heidi next to each other.
Cartman: [talks to Kyle] You want to know what's really going on? I'll tell you what's going on. Even though women have made great gains in the last century, there are still a part of men who aren't comfortable with women having power. It really just comes down to that, and then you have social media which allows men to anonymously say horrific things like "Women aren't funny," even though Heidi's like the funniest person I'be ever met.
Heidi: Shut up.
Cartman: [talks to Heidi] No, it's true. Get over yourself.
Kyle: [starts to get bored]
Heidi: I don't even try to be funny.
Cartman: I know. You don't have to 'cause you're awesome.
Kyle: Cartman, will you just help me mess with Butters to stop his little agroclub from getting any bigger?
Cartman: [talks to Kyle] Like mess with Butters how? [lifts mug] What do you mean "mess with Butters"? [drinks from mug]
Kyle: You know what I mean. Come on! We need the old Cartman back!
Cartman: [gets mad] Oh I see! You have a problem with Heidi.
Heidi: What?
Cartman: You're threatened by her because she actually has interesting things to say and she is funnier than you.
Kyle: That's not true at all!
Cartman: [talks sarcastically] Oh she's not funnier than you, [speaks with anger] or is she just not funny because she's a girl?
Heidi: Babe, stop. I don't think he meant anything by it.
Cartman: [talks to Heidi] Sorry, babe. It just really ruffles my feathers.
Heidi: [talks to Kyle] Look, Kyle, I think it's great you're trying to patch things up with everyone, but the truth is Eric and I are just kind of out of it now.
Cartman: [talks to Kyle] Look, Kyle, we're just out of it now.
Heidi: We gave up social media and the ugliness that goes along with it and we're in a better place.
Cartman: Humans on Mars.
Scene Description: South Park park. Dick and Gerald are sitting together on a bench.
Dick: I'm warning you, Skankhunt, [takes out his laptop and types] this video is really gonna rock your world.
Gerald: [talks softer] Can you please call me "Gerald"?!
Dick: [gives Gerald his laptop] It's very obscure news story from the BBC in England. Hardly anyone has seen it over here. [presses a button and faces away from the bench] This is why we all have to come together, Skank.
Scene Description: Internet video is played.
BBC reporter: Since the dawn of the Internet, message boards and chat rooms have lit up with people who insight and insult for no apparent reason. They're called [picture of guy with an actual troll behind him is shown] trolls, and a controversial company in Denmark is working to make them a thing of the pass. "The days of trolls hiding behind nicknames and message boards are over!" the Danish claim. [Danish music is played] As a new website, [Troll Trace headquarters is shown] Trolltrace.com will soon be up and running. In less than a month, the servers will become active. Anyone can take any troll comment and send it through the Danish service where a real name and real physical address will be attached.
Bedrager: [World spinning with the word "STIMULATION" is shown] Every message, every comment [comment is scan, world stops spinning, and a tracer is shown] ever made by trolls will retroactively be given a tag [troll's true identity is shown] with the author's name, location, and [police barge into the troll's house] whole Internet history.
Gerald: [in complete shock] Fffffuuuuuccckkk!
Dick: I told you.
Scene Description: Interview is shown
BBC reporter: And this is the man who has masterminded it all.
Bedrager: What this will allow people to do is trace back harmful and hateful postings or emails. You see, the troll hides behind a protective layer if you will that Internet enmity provides. We intend to strip them of that protection so that everyone will know who they are.
Scene Description: Gerald wipes his forehead of sweat.
BBC reporter: And what about people who will use this to spy on others who aren't trolls?
Bedrager: Uh, what do you mean?
BBC reporter: Once your servers become active, anyone can trace anything onto the Internet back to whoever wrote it. How do you stop that from happening?
Bedrager: Oh oh, right. [coughs and faces the camera] This service is only for tracing the identity of trolls. Thank you. Kom ud trold, komme ud og dø.
Scene Description: The video ends.
Dick: I Google Translated the last part. He said "Come out troll, come out and die".
Gerald: This can't be happening.
Dick: By next week, everything everyone has ever done online is going to be available to the public.
Gerald: [closes laptop] Then it's over. I'm dead.
Dick: [faces Gerald] You're not dead, Skankhunt. There's still hope.
Scene Description: South Park Elementary cafeteria.
Kyle: [shouts] Everyone, can I have your attention please?! [everyone has his attention] I know the past few weeks have been very difficult, for all of us. I know now more than ever that something has to change. I thought a lot about this the past few days. I've seen a lot of things I never thought I would have see. These are all complex issues we're all having to face, and now that I know that after you break it down, there's really only one answer. [pulls off his pants, holds his shirt, and raises his arm]
Scene Description: The girls get upset
Boys: Yeah! [one of them says "That's right." as they all gradually pull off their pants]
Butters: Good for you, Uncle Kyle!
Scene Description: Some of the girls leave while some of the boys lift Kyle up.
Scene Description: Secret room. Dick drags Gerald who is wearing a bandana over his eyes.
Dick: [takes off the bandana and crumples it in his shirt] Fellow trolls, let me introduce you to Skankhunt42.
Scene Description: Ten other trolls are seen in the meeting.
Gerald: I'm not necessarily Skankhunt42.
Troll #1: It's okay, Skank. You're with your kind.
Scene Description: Gerald is in shock and Dick closes the door of the room.


Scene Description: South Park Elementary playground. The boys and girls are yelling at each other as Nelly and Butters are about to fight each other.
Jason: Hit her!
Random Boy: Hit her, man!
Annie: Kick his ass, Nelly!
Red: All boys should die!
Lola: Take him out!
Nelly: I don't care if you're a boy, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Butters: [is seen with his pants put down and shirt pulled up] Anytime anywhere, skank.
Boys (except Butters): Yeah!
Boys (except Butters): Yeah!
Nelly: Pull up your stupid pants first.
Butters: Why? You're afraid to fight me like a man?
Clyde: Kick her ass, Butters. She called you stupid.
Wendy: He is stupid! Look at him!
Jimmy: At least he's not a zzzzitty-faced ggirl.
Boys (expect Butters and Jimmy): Yeah!
Cartman: [walks from the girls side of the fight to the in between Nelly and Butters and spreads his arms] Hey hey hey! Whoa, guys! Guys! [crowd stops yelling] Hasn't this gone on long enough? Aren't we tired of being so divided at skewl?
Annie: Get out of here, Cartman; nobody's buying it.
Red: Yeah, everyone knows you're the worst!
Heidi: Hey, leave him alone! [walks from the boys side of the fight to near Cartman] Eric tries to help [spreads her arms] and you call him names?! [talks to Cartman] Sorry, babe, I had to step in.
Cartman: It's cool, Baby.
Scene Description: [Heidi and Cartman kiss each other and causing the others to be flabbergasted]
Wendy: Heidi?!
Annie: [faints]
Cartman: Heidi has been really hurt by all of this, you guys. And I think it's time for us to all try to come together, as a skewl.
Scene Description: Presidential speech break room. Publicist speaks with Garrison.
Advisor #1: All right sir [gives Garrison his lines], don't be nervous for your speech; I know we're down a bit in the polls, but there's still a great chance we can win the Swing States.
Garrison: There's [flips through pages] still a chance, are you serious?!
Publicist #1: Just one thing sir, be a little careful of what you say about women. Uh, seems like that might be losing us some votes. [walks away]
Garrison: [puts his hand under his chin] Oh you don't say?
Scene Description: A campaign rally, later. "Make America Great Again." Chris Christie is at the podium]''
Chris Christie: Ladies and gentlemen, out country's divided like never before. And we all know that only one man has the guts to say what we're all thinking. Please, welcome the man who with your help will soon be the next President of the United States! [Mr. Garrison comes out to great fanfare and takes the mic.]
Crowd Members: Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! [somewhere in there a man shrieks. Garrison lights up a cigarette and starts pacing]
Garrison: So I'm standin' in line at the airport, waitin' in security 'cause of all the freakin' Muslims. [cheers and applause]
Supporter: Ow!
Garrison: And the TSA security people all look like black thugs from the inner city; I'm like "Oh good, you're gonna protect us?" [laughter] Well maybe it's good they're all gang members. At least they can tell the difference between Muslims and Mexicans, 'cause God knows I can't. [applause] You know, I'm standin' there in line and you know what I do? I stick my finger in this chick's asshole, [applause and laughter] and she turns to me and says, "Hey, aren't you that guy that's running for President?" I say Yeah. She says "Why you got your finger in my ass?" I say "I'm just keeping it warm, honey, 'cause that chick next to you is way hotter and I'm gonna stick it in her clam." [the men are clapping, the women just look at him now] Yeah, let's make America great again. No dude wants his finger in some ugly bitch's ass. [the men laugh] You gotta be careful though, it's only about half an inch away, you know, that asshole and that clam, so you gotta be careful. Right dudes? [A woman gets up and makes her way to the aisle] Oh. Oh, where are you goin'? Are you leavin? [the woman turns right to leave the rally] I'm sorry, did I offend you? Where did I lose you, honey? You've been okay with the "fuck everyone to death," all the Muslim and Mexican shit, but fingers in the ass did it for ya? [she reaches the door and exits] Cool, just wanted to see where your line was! [some more women get up, one of them leaves with her husband] Oh yeah, look, I guess some more broads are leavin'. Oh Jeez you were so on board, I can't believe I let that little offensive mark slip. Poor girls. Did you get your feelings hurt after "Fuck all the immigrants" and?" Jeez, I'm sorry. Jeez.
Scene Description: Trolltrace.com, day. A camera zooms into it. Lennart Bedrager dances into view.
Bedrager: [in a weird accent] Hello. Are you tired of hate speech? Are you sick of sexism and-a bigotry? Then please, help the Danish put an end to trolls.
Danes: Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager: Right now, the people of Denmark are working on a biometric computer superstructure which will allow people all around the world to identify the trolls in their communities.
Danes: Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager: But to make this dream into a reality, we still need your donations. We are just a few million kroners away, so please donate via the social media of your choice.
Danes: [four windows open and some Danes sing out] Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager: Just imagine it, knowing who said what on the Internet.
Dane 1: The whole world will be-a peaceful and happy.
Dane 2: Like-a here, in Denmark.
Dane 3: Help fund our project on social media today!
Danes: Together, we will rid the world of trolls. Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing nutillej!
Scene Description: The darkened room from last episode. The trolls are gathered there again to plan their next move.
Dick: Fellow trolls, we have gathered together because our anonymity is being threatened. Individually, we are some of the most notorious trolls in Colorado. We must now find a way to unite. Each one of us has the power to make message boards go haywire, The power to make individuals buckle and fall. Imagine if we use those skills against a common enemy.
Troll #2: They have an entire government at their disposal.
Dick: And we... have Skankhunt42.
Gerald: [sighs] It's Gerald. Alright?
Dick: I believe that he... is the key to stopping all this.
Scene Description: South Park Elementary Gym, day. PC Principal is holding an assembly
PC Principal: Alright everyone, listen up. This school is falling apart, and it needs to stop. Boys are harassing girls, and girls are stereotyping boys as- Not now, Mr. Stotch! Put it away!
Butters: [with his pants down and dick out] Well okay. [pulls his pants back up.]
PC Principal: Now I've asked for some ideas and a couple of students wanna try and help. Please welcome Heidi and Eric. [they come up wearing matching shirts: "COME TOGETHER as a school"]
Cartman: Hey you guys?
Heidi: What's up? [the other kids stay silent]
Cartman: Guys, we have a lot of problems facing our skewl. I don't know if many of you know Heidi but she's really smart and really funny.
Heidi: Eheh, stop, Eric.
Cartman: You are. And she's come up with a pretty cool idea. Tell 'em, baby.
Heidi: Thanks, babe. I don't know if you guys have heard, but right now, Denmark is trying to make trolling a thing of the past. They're asking for help, and I thought "why not a school fundraiser?"
Cartman: Yeah, but the way you said it was actually way funnier, remember?
Heidi: What? How did I say it? [from here their voices get softer and softer until they're whispering to each other]
Cartman: Remember, you were like "Oh, what if we had a fundraiser?" in uh, what was it? [they hold hands] Remember, you- it was like uh-
Heidi: When was this? Were we at Denny's?
Cartman: Yeah, we were having uhh, that dessert thing. What was that, that-?
Heidi: [giggling] Oh, and you kept spilling it and everything?
Cartman: Yeah, yeah, remember? Remember that there was that, that guy that had that, what was it
Heidi: He had that weird haircut and you kept saying that it looked like he had a dick on his head.
Cartman: Yeah yeah yeah, that's when you said that- don't let anybody- [they get lost in the moment for a few seconds whispering to each other. The other kids lean forward trying to understand what they're discussing. Cartman notices, then] Oh hey guys. Wha-what's up? Oh right. A school fundraiser. Tomorrow, we'll be going to each individual class with more information. And after that...
Heidi: Then we should all come together [mimicking Cartman] as a skewl. [Cartman giggles and sighs happily. Bebe throws up involuntarily]
Scene Description: Campaign headquarters. Garrison's advisers are exasperated after his disastrous rally. Caitlyn is polishing her nails
Advisor #1: Sir, what were you thinking? We said to be careful how you talked about women.
Garrison: [satisfied with himself] Yeah I don't know, I guess I just kind of screwed the pooch on that one. [checks for any Pabst Blue Ribbon cans with beer left in them]
Chris Christie: We are way down in the polls. I don't know how we recover from this.
Garrison: Oh really? Jeez that's too bad. [dusts off his pants and checks his shoes]
Chris Christie: A lot of us have staked our lives on backing you! You can't just go bonkers like this!
Garrison: Hey, sorry. I didn't realize women were racists.
Advisor 2: You have... millions of supporters who are looking to you to lead! They're gonna wanna know what you're gonna do about this!
Garrison: I mean, I don't know. Nothin'. Whatever.
Chris Christie: You wanna tell them that? They're outside. [Garrison is horrified.]
Scene Description: Campaign headquarters, outside. a crowd of people wait to hear from Garrison. He cracks the door open and looks out
Supporter 1: What's goin' on?!
Supporter 2: What are ya doin?!
Garrison: [steps outside] Oh, uh hey everybody. Uh, looks like we're tanking in the polls, but you know what? It's fixed. I was never gonna win in the first place. I knew it from the beginning. And on November 8th, when I lose, I'll be able to say "I told you so!" [grins. The crowd is not amused.]
Supporter 2: This son of a bitch pulled a fast one on us!
Supporter 3: It's like he's not even trying!
Garrison: Oh no, I'm I'm trying. I just-
Supporter 2: Get him!
Garrison: Shiiit! [he runs off, and the crowd gives chase] Ohhh Jeeez! [people in the crowd come armed with shovels, pitchforks, bats, axes, knives, guns... One person even has a chainsaw he has trouble starting up.]
Supporters: Kill him! Tear his head off! Don't let him get away!
Supporter 4: [ginally gets that chainsaw going] Yeah haw!
Scene Description: The Airport Hilton. A concierge walks the hallways, humming to himself, and stops by a private conference: "Rape Victims Anonymous"
Andrew: [knocks on the door]
Anonymous821: What do you want? Go away.
Andrew: Hey, just checking to see if you needed any more refreshments for the conference room?
Anyomous821: We're fine. We don't need anything.
A Troll: [within the room] Some more creamer?
Anonymous821: Just some more creamer.
Andrew: Alright, well, I just wanna say "thanks for choosing the-" [the troll shuts the door]
Anonymous821: Okay, we're clear again.
Dick: You were saying, Skankhunt?
Gerald: Alright, look. How do you troll somebody?
Troll 4: Say really fucked up shit and make them quit social media?
Gerald: No, no, no, it's not about one person. It's about pushing people's buttons so that they'll react in a way that pushes other people's buttons. Look, you don't just troll a woman with cancer to get a reaction from her, it's all about the group of people that are gonna come to her defense. They're gonna be so self-righteous that another group of people will eventually find those people totally annoying. You're just setting them against each other. It's like the fission reaction that sets off the fusion explosion. The Internet does it all, and you just sit back with your glass of wine and laugh.
Anonymous821: Wow... that seems kind of... mean.
Gerald: It's not mean if it's hilarious.
Dick: If we all worked with you, Skank, could we do it? Could we troll an entire country?
Gerald: If we all worked together? Maybe. [makes a fist with his left hand] Maybe.
Scene Description: South Park Elementary, day. Mrs. Nelson has a lesson on mammals on the board, but Heidi is talking to the class about something else.
Heidi: Hey guys. Today we're gonna start our school fundraiser. It's an idea I came up with called "Danishes for Denmark."
Cartman: [almost whispering] It's awesome. You're doing awesome.
Heidi: We need everyone to do their part, so later on in the cafeteria, we are all gonna need to- [the classroom door opens and Heidi looks to see who opened it. Mr. Garrison rushes in and gets to work immediately]
Garrison: [frantic] Okay children, let's take our seats! Let's uh, get back to our lessons on grammar, shall we?
Stan: Mr. Garrison?
Garrison: Okay, does anybody, uh, remember where we left off? No? Alright, uh, who can tell me what an adjective is? [to Mrs. Nelson] You can go now, I'm back. [to the class] Who can t-who can tell me what an adjective is?
Token: Uh, aren't you running for President?
Garrison: Adjectives usually come before what? They come before nouns, that's right.
Chris Christie: [clears his throat] Mr. Garrison, you can't just act like nothing happened! You're spiraling out of control, and you have to answer to the people!
Garrison: I don't know what you're talking about! I am a teacher! [back to the board] Okay, adjectives describe nouns, and there are several types of them-
Chris Christie: Mr. Garrison.
Garrison: What are some examples of adjectives you can give me for this sentence? Anybody? [writes "Jack threw the ball." on the board.]
Chris Christie: You sold people a line, Mr. Garrison, and you have to make good on it!
Garrison: The yellow ball. That's a good one. Or we can say "the slippery ball," can't we?
Chris Christie: Come on. [his advisers come in.]
Garrison: What else about the ball? No, please! [The advisers gather around him and carry him off] What else can we say about the ball, children? No, please! Leave me alone!
Butters: The bouncy ball?
Garrison: [grabs a chalk stick and scratches it against the blackboard] No! No, I'm not going back! Please! They're gonna kill me, children! Please! Help me, children! Help me! [Chris Christie shuts the door]
Scene Description: [The Broflovski house, day. Gerald and Dick arrive and go inside. They carry with them keyboards, computers, cables...]'
Gerald: Okay, come on. Office is upstairs. [they run into Sheila] Oh, hi honey.
Sheila: Gerald, you're back from your convention?
Gerald: Yeah, it went really well. This is uh, my IT guy. Gonna help me get my office computers set back up.
Sheila: Well, can I make you guys somethin' to eat?
Gerald: Don't worry about us, hon. Lots of work to do. Love you so much! [he and Dick go on upstairs.] Ike, no Internet tonight. We need all the bandwidth we can get. Say hi to Dildo Shwaggins.
Dick: Hello. [Gerald closes the door]
Scene Description: [Gerald's home office. Gerald and Dick sit on the floor putting the computers back in place.]'
Dick: I gotta hand it to you, Gerald. You have a really nice home, nice family.
Gerald: Yeah? Well now you see I have a lot to lose if they find out who I am.
Dick: And who is that?
Gerald: What?
Dick: I've studied your work. You're so good at lashing out at the system. Bringing people down off their high horses. Why do you do it?
Gerald: I told you, it's just funny to me. I do it for the lulz.
Dick: I don't believe that. I think there's more to Skankhunt. When I was in school, kids teased me. Called me "midget," even though I'm not. My mother was a little person, but she actually married a guy who had gigantism syndrome. She thought, if she was a little person and had a baby with a giant, I would come out normal. [Gerald stifles a laugh] We can't let these Danish pricks take our online lives, Skank. For some of us... it's all we have.
Scene Description: The school cafeteria, day. A banner over the kitchen entrance reads "SCHOOL FUNDRAISER. LET'S ALL WORK TOGETHER." All the kids are making Danishes and PC Principal supervises it all.
Heidi and Cartman: Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman: We can work together hand in hand to make the whole world understand that
Heidi and Cartman: We came together as a skewl.
Cartman: Put our difference aside, feeling hope now feeling pride. No more fighting, it's time for something new.
Heidi and Cartman: Let's come together as a skewl.
Scene Description: During the song, the following things are seen: Two kids come up to get some trays with freshly backed Danishes on them, two other kids hand them the trays. Stan, Wendy, and Millie spread frosting on the Danishes. Butters and Nelly do the same at another table. Red passes by. Nichole and Token prepare the batter, as do Tweek and a girl. Clyde and Bebe pack the Danishes up and hand them to Nelly, then move on to the next box. By the time the song ends, the kids look tired. Annie, Kyle, Kevin, and another girl are putting frosting on their Danishes.
Heidi: I really feel like this is the start of something new! We're gonna help Denmark, and Denmark is gonna put an end to trolls.
Cartman: And then maybe everyone can finally be as happy as we are.
Heidi and Cartman: Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman: Terraform Mars.
Scene Description: Shi Tpa Town, day. Mr. Garrison rans past City Wok
Garrison: Oooooohhh. [stops to catch his breath, then sees his advisers and runs again] Oohh!
Adviser: He went this way!
Chris Christie: Get back here! You're acting like an idiot! [Behind the advisers is the crowd of supporters with their weapons]
Supporters: Get him! String him up! We put our faith in you, asshole!
Scene Description: The trolls are in their own homes now.
Dick: Test test 1 2. This is Dildo Shwaggins. We are ready to commence the trashing of Denmark. All trolls report in.
PurpleheadedQueeflicker: PurpleheadedQueeflicker standing by.
Che Gamorrah: [voice over] Che Gamorrah standing by.
MLKKK: MLKKK and I'm ready.
Anonymous821: Anonymous821 signed in to multiple accounts and standing by.
URFATANDDUM: [voice over] URFATANDDUM standing by.
SuperSexyLisa18: SuperSexyLisa18 standing by.
YourMomsTits: [voice over] YourMomsTits standing by.
Gerald: Skankhunt42 standing by.
Dick: Okay. everyone follow Skankhunt's lead. Don't get distracted, we are only trolling Denmark.
Gerald: Alright, engaging Twitter... now! Prepare for overreaction on my mark. 3... 2... Mark.
Scene Description: South Park, day. Sleet falls to the ground as the wind howls through town. Thunder rolls by. Garrison, dripping wet from the sleet, finds a door and steps inside - it's the South Park Community Center. He sees the members of Member Berries Anonymous seated around a circle, with an empty chair waiting for the random walk-in. Garrison's spray tan is washing off.
Randy: Hey, Mr. Garrison. Come on in, bud. Have a seat, you're not alone.
Garrison: You, you're not gonna try and lynch me too?
Randy: No lynchings here, little cowboy. Take a seat. [Garrison takes the seat] You wanna share with us what you're goin' through?
Garrison: [crying softly] It's all my fault. I just wanted to get rid of all the immigrants, you know? [takes out a napkin and blows his nose with it] I just- I thought we could fuck them all to death, and everyone started listening to me. Next thing I know I actually get the nomination from the Republicans!
Randy: It's not your fault, little guy.
Garrison: It is my fault! I told people I could make the country great again, but I didn't have a plan!
Randy: Not your fault.
Garrison: I got caught up in people cheerin' for me, bein' in the media every day. I, I led this entire election down the shitter.
Randy: You've gotta stop blaming yourself.
Garrison: Well then, whose fault is it?!
Randy: Here, catch. [tosses a member berry at him]
Member Berry: Member Lando Calrissian? Member tauntauns? Member? Member feeling safe?
Garrison: What the fuck is this?
Randy: That... is why millions of Americans want you to be President. But there's more...
Scene Description: The Broflovski house. Gerald is in bed, sleeping. Dick knocks on his bedroom door and Gerald wakes up. He checks for Sheila, but she's not in bed. He gets up to answer the door, and Dick shows him the latest headline: DENMARK IN TURMOIL!
Dick: It's started! [smiles. Gerald smiles back, then grins.]
Scene Description: The living room. Gerald and Dick run down to the sofa and take seats
Gerald: Did they pick it up on Yahoo?
Dick: Don't know, but Google has it as the number one story.
Gerald: Oh, shit! Go to, go to Huffington!
Bill Keegan: Millions of people took to the Internet last night after shocking claims were made about the Danish company LEGO and their ties to ISIS.
Gerald: Oh yes! This is CNN front page right now.
CNN Anchor: It now appears the country of Denmark was the victim of a massive troll. The country is still reeling from the LEGO hoax story.
Bill Keegan: Tom, by the time the hoax was revealed the damage had already been done. Millions of people got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon, and when millions more came in to support Denmark, hundreds of millions more got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon.
Dick: We did it! We did it! [Kyle appears at the top of the stairs]
Gerald: Oh, Kyle! Ahh, hey, I didn't think you'd be leaving yet.
Kyle: I have a fundraiser at school.
Gerald: Well, did you see what was all over the Internet? Everyone's ripping on LEGOs.
Kyle: What?
Gerald: Yeah, now the whole world is blowing up with Danish jokes. It's hilarious.
Dick: The Guardian has a bunch of stories up about how the Denmark government isn't responding to even interview requests.
Gerald: Wow, fuck Denmark, huh Kyle? That's gotta be what just about everyone is thinking now. Fuck Denmark. [Dick grins]
Scene Description: Trolltrace.com, day. Its executives run inside the building for an emergency meeting.
Dane 2: Sir, public opinion of Denmark is-a very very shit.
Dane 3: All our social media pages are-a filled with million and millions of-a horrible comments.
Dane 4: And our crowd-funding sites are taken over too.
Dane 5: Everyone is making fun of us like we were goofballs.
Dane 6: How could-a this-a happen?
Lennart: Because that's what trolls DO! I should have known that once they got wind of our little plan, they would start trolling us!
Dane 7: So then Denmark isn't funding ISIS?
Lennart: Of course not!
Dane 1: But-a how do we prove that to the rest of-a the world?
Lennart: We can't respond, it will only make the trolls stronger! Our only choice is to go offline
Dane 5: You mean we have to quit Twitter?
Lennart: Everything, you ignoramus! The only way to stop the bleeding is for Denmark to get off social media! Pokkers Du Trold!
Scene Description: South Park Elementary, day. In front of the school, the kids have set up their Danishes for Denmark stand. Some of the kids are dressed in what appears to be Danish outfits]''
Heidi: Hello. [a car rolls by] Buy a Danish to help stop trolling? How come nobody's stopping? Maybe this was a terrible idea.
Cartman: It was a great idea. [spots another car driving by] Hey! Hey, buy a Danish for Denmark?
Driver: Heheh, fuck Denmark
Butters: [runs up with his boxes and throws then down] That's it! I am through with your stupid crap! Every house I've been to just rips on me and and says Denmark is stupid!
Cartman: What?
Kyle: [arriving] It's true. Denmark got trolled last night. They left social media.
Heidi: Then, all of this was... for nothing.
Butters: I told you fellas! This is what you get for working with a bunch of stupid girls!
Wendy: How is this our fault?! At least we actually did the work!
Clyde: Oh yeah? You guys fucked up all the frosting!
Annie: You assholes overcooked them! [the kids begin to argue with each other]
Heidi: Oh no! This was a terrible idea! [leaves the booth]
Cartman: Heidi! [follows her]
Scene Description: [the side of the school, moments later. Heidi reaches a tree and sobs on it a little. Cartman catches up to her]'
Heidi: I'm so stupid!
Cartman: Don't say that.
Heidi: Why did I even think I could bring the boys and girls together again?
Cartman: Because you're smart and funny, that's why. It was a great idea, Heidi. [puts his hand on her shoulder] I think that somehow... trolling is playing a bigger part in this than anyone even realizes.
Scene Description: The member berry anonymous meeting. Mr. Garrison is still there
Randy: Every great empire reaches a point where going backward can seem more appealing than forward. When the world is changing so fast it makes us yearn for the old ways, when life seemed simpler. But it doesn't mean those old ideas are good for us now. We have to face one hard reality as a country. [stands by an easel with a Star Wars poster on it] The new Star Wars was not as good as everyone thought it was. It may seem fun to go back and recycle the past we loved, but we end up with no sustenance.
Garrison: I thought you were gonna explain why people want a guy like me to be President.
Randy: Well, that's important too, I guess, but, it's just a symptom of the same thing. See, when a civilization has become so big it starts to get lazy, then that's [removes the Star Wars poster to reveal a picture of a member berry orchard] when you get member berries. They're noting new. They date back all the way to the Roman Empire. [shows a painting of a woman giving her lover some member berries.] Once too many Romans ate the member berries there was no more growth. They rested on their laurels just eating and 'membering all the good stuff.
Garrison: I think those are just grapes.
Randy: Thought so too till I zoomed in. [removes the painting to show a closeup of just the berries]
Member Berries: Member?
Randy: You see, we all wanna go back to when we were kids. Simple ideas like a big man to protect us, keep us safe. Instead of a fresh new Star Wars we want the old, just recycled and plopped in our tummies.
Garrison: You almost make it sound like J.J. Abrams is responsible for this entire election.
Randy: Does this look familiar? [removes the closeup to show J.J. Abrams wearing a cap on which is written "MAKE STAR WARS GREAT AGAIN."]
Garrison: [takes a good look at the picture, then stands up] Ohh Jeeez.
Scene Description: Trolltrace.com. Lennart Bedrager sits in the conference room alone
Dane 2: Sir! We got a message from overseas. You really should see it.
Lennart: A message how? We're completely offline.
Dane 2: This was sent on VHS. Whoever sent it is-a completely offline too.
Lennart: Put it on the screen. [a video pops up with Cartman and Heidi on it.]
Cartman: People of Denmark, we know that you've been the victim of trolling. So have we. Maybe we can help. I'm not sure if you know my girlfriend Heidi but... She's really smart and really funny.
Heidi: Stop baby, no I'm not.
Cartman: [whispers] You are, babe. Stop it.
Lennart: Who the hell are these people?
Dane 2: Just listen.
Cartman: [whispers] Go on, babe, just tell them. Tell them.
Heidi: I have an idea. I might be able to figure out the source of who trolled you last night.
Lennart: Get everyone back inside. If this girl really is that smart and funny, we might have another shot here. [the other Dane goes away]


Scene Description: Mars in Cartman's fantasy.
Cartman: [jumps] Whee! [waves at someone far away] Hi! [looks at a human city] So cool! [leaps towards the city]
Unnamed characters 1 and 2: [wave at Cartman] Hi!
Unnamed character 3: [waves at Cartman] Hi!
Cartman: Hi! [stops and sees a roller coaster] Dude, Mars rules. [leaps to the roller coaster] Mars rules!
Scene Description: M Burger. Cartman is smiling while on a date with Heidi.
Heidi: What are you thinking about, Babe?
Cartman: Just thinking about how much we could accomplish if... people weren't so close-minded.
Heidi: You're worried about him again, aren't you? Your friend, Kyle?
Cartman: [sighs] He's not a bad person, Heidi.
Heidi: Then talk to him babe. Tell him what we're doing. Maybe you can get him back.
Cartman: You're right. You're right, Heidi.
Scene Description: The Broflovski residence. Gerald is at his office trolling people.
Gerald: [repeatedly clicks on keyboard and talks softly] Ha ha, yeah. I'm yours, bitch. Ha ha. [speaks louder]. Suck it! [moves the mouse] How about a dick in your mouth?! There you go! Ha ha, ha ha ha ha. [notices the door bell ringing] Aw! [walks to the front door, and opens it]
Trolls: Hi Skankhunt!
Gerald: [gets shocked] Ah! [tries looking behind him] What are you guys doing here?!
Dick: We came to celebrate!
PurpleheadedQueeflicker: Not everyday you troll a whole country.
Anonymous821: [showed a case of John Adams beer] We brought some beer. Let's have a trolling party.
Scene Description: The trolls have sat down and laughed each other
PurpleheadedQueeflicker: We did it!
Dick: I think if anything, we proved that trolls really can have an effect on the world.
Trolls: Yeah! Yeah!
Troll 7: You said it!
SupersexyLisa18: Thanks to us!
Dick: And I think on the next one, [raises his beer] we're only gonna get better.
Troll 4: No doubt about it.
Gerald: Wh-what are you talking about "next one"?
Dick: Skankhunt, we got an entire country to sign off social media and... stop what they were doing. Imagine what effect we can have on the rest of the world?
Anonymous821: We're like super-trolls who could change anything.
Gerald: [leans to Dick] Can I talk to you for a second?
Scene Description: Gerald and Dick walk to the kitchen
Gerald: Why did you bring them here?!
Dick: What do you mean? We're all on a team, Skankhunt.
Gerald: That was a one-time deal so nobody would find out who we are!
Dick: But you saw what we did when we worked together? Just think what we could do to like the Presidential Election.
Gerald: The election?! I don't give a shit about the election! You don't troll to be political!
Dick: Of course it's political!
Gerald: No, I just do it to laugh, like I did when I was a kid! Don't you just remember being a kid and calling someone a fag for no reason?!
Dick: I remember being called a fag for no reason.
Gerald: Right! Like it was just fun, right?! Getting political doesn't do anything for me. I just like remembering when I was a kid. That's it. You need to get those people to go and then you need to go.
Dick: Okay. [puts down his beer mug] Sure, Skankhunt. Whatever you say. [walks away]
Scene Description: Marsh kitchen.
Garrison: Presidential election is only two weeks away. We have to [lifts a bag of memberberries talking] destroy these things.
Jar Berries: 'Member the Bi-wing fighters? 'Member the Service Droids? I 'member.
Randy: [setting up experiment] That's much easier said than done. They're resistent to just about everything I tried.
Experiment Berry: 'Member, 'member Mos Eisley? 'Member the Rancor, 'member? 'Member sand people? 'Member the Cantina? 'Member- [gets torched by Randy and screams] My eyes!
Jar Berries: What's going on now? They're using a torch on him. Oh, are they gonna use a torch on us?!
Experiment Berry: Ah, Aaaaah! [stops getting torched] 'Member Bespin? 'Member Wedge? I loved Wedge. 'Member?
Randy: Uh, there has to be something.
Garrison: Try the acid.
Experiment Berry: 'Member Mon Mothma? 'Member the rebel transports? [screams while acid is poured on him]
Jar Berries: They're trying to destroy us. They are?! Our whole species?! They can't do that?! Yeah they can! 'Member the Death Star blowing up Alderaan? Oo, Alderaan, I 'member.
Experiment Berry: [keeps on screaming until Randy runs out of acid] 'Member the Cloud City? 'Member IG-88, the bounty hunter droid? 'member, that was fanta'tic.
Randy: Damn it! [takes off flashlight] These things are impossible to get rid of.
Scene Description: Broflovski bathroom. Kyle sits on the toilet, using his phone and then hears a knock from the other side of the door]''
Kyle: [tilts head up] Yeah.
Cartman: [opens the door halfway and leans] Hey, Broship. You got a minute?
Kyle: Oh, what do you want now?!
Cartman: Just a second. Please, Kyle?
Kyle: Hurry up!
Cartman: Okay, [walks with Heidi in the bathroom] come on, Baby.
Kyle: Ah! Dude, what the fuck?
Cartman: Kyle Kyle, I know you haven't had a serious girlfriend, but you've stop caring about seeing each other in the bathroom.
Kyle: I'm going to the bathroom!
Heidi: Eric really cares about you, Kyle. He feels like he's losing you and he's really upset.
Kyle: Why?
Cartman: [walks away from the toilet] I remember not that long ago, Kyle, when you told me in this very room I believe, that you were going to prove who the troll was no matter what. Do you remember that, Kyle? Where's that Kyle?
Kyle: [looks down] I have to stay with my group, Cartman.
Cartman: [walks to the sink] No no, I know. Being in groups is great; you get to gang [opens sink draw and grabs Lysol spray] up and smash people's stuff, pull up your wiener in the cafeteria. [sprays Lysol at Kyle and walks near Heidi] I wonder what the old Kyle say about this Kyle. I wonder if old Kyle would be pretty disgusted right now by who he's become. Heidi's been working with Denmark now, Kyle. I want to show you what she's done. It's gonna change the way you think.
Scene Description: Gerald's office. Gerald keeps on trolling.
Gerald: Ha ha ha. ha. You stupid bitch. God. Fuck you! Nobody cares about your fat, little- [sees FaceTime call from Dick] Ah. Oh no, not again! [accepts his call] Yes?
Dick: Hey, Skankhunt, it's Dildo Shwaggins.
Gerald: I told you to stop FaceTiming me while I'm on the computer. It's very distracting.
Dick: Well you haven't been answering my calls, so I know this is the only way I can only talk to my buddy.
Gerald: I'm trying to just use the Internet! People should be able to use the Internet without being harassed.
Dick: [sighs] Oh, alright. Look, [grabs his guitar] I wrote a song about our friendship. Can I just play it for you?
Gerald: No!
Dick: [sings badly while strumming his guitar] Two lone wolves on the plains of darkness. The Valkyrie flies from the wailing clouds. The last of the-
Gerald: [ends the call] Bye! Jesus, what is wrong with people?! [drinks wine] Huh. [keeps typing] Nobody cares about your fat sister with Lyme Disease, skank.
Scene Description: Turner residence. Cartman, Heidi, and Kyle walk near Heidi's room. Heide blocks the door before they go in.
Heidi: '[To Kyle.]' This is gonna seem a little weird to you, okay?
Kyle: What is?
Heidi: Before I quit Twitter and threw my phone away, I was trying to prove who our school message board troll was.
Cartman: Like you said what you would do, Kyle, except she actually meant it.
Heidi: Before I stopped searching, I learned something. [opens her door] Take a look.
Scene Description: Cartman, Heidi, and Kyle enter Heidi's room. Kyle walks closer to Heidi's wall to his shock
Kyle: What is all this?
Heidi: To try and prove who the troll was, I started to for patterns in how students used emojis; then I crossed-referenced that with the troll's writing. I call it "emoji analysis". People can hide behind a fake name, but the way they use emojis gives them away.
Kyle: Wow, that's pretty smart.
Cartman: She's funny too, Kyle.
Heidi: After I had eliminated nearly every student, I have started to realize that the troll's emojis were more archaic and less elegant than the average kid's. That's when I realized it; whoever Skankhunt42 is on the school message boards, it isn't a student, it's an adult.
Kyle: You mean like one of the teachers?
Heidi: I think... it's one of the parents.
Kyle: Are you sure?
Heidi: I had enough examples of the teachers' texts and emails to do an emoji analysis, they were much more in lines with Skankhunt's, but still not a match.
Kyle: Emoji analysis, it's genius!
Cartman: You're not giving her credit for being hilarious.
Scene Description: Denmark. People are living their usual lives while some mourn at Freja Ollegard's grave. The setting moves to TrollTrace Headquarters.
Danes: [sing] En junker red ved juletid Tjing tjang tjing nutillej Omkring ham dalet sneen hvid Tjing tjang tjing nutillej Han stred sig frem i regn og blæst Med et der segnede hans hest Tjing tjang lu Tjing tjang lu Tjing tjang tjing nutillej [stop singing]
Dane 8: [runs towards Bedrager] Sir, take a look at the [shows Bedrager analysis] statistical analysis. The servers are working.
Bedrager: So then we don't need any more funding?
Dane 9: [walks to Bedrager] No, sir. Using Heidi's emoji analysis, we have the final piece of the puzzle.
Dane 5: So far we have narrowed down the location of the troll attack on Denmark. [walks to map of the U.S. with state of Colorado highlighted] It is a location in the middle of the United States: a place they call "Colorido".
Bedrager: Colorido? That's a very goofy name.
Dane 5: We believe that very soon the servers will give us the place in Colorido that the troll originated.
Bedrager: [walks closer to map] Hmm hmm. Go on and hide in your cave, little troll. Soon, everyone will know where you live.
Scene Description: Marsh kitchen. Randy gazes the berry with electricity while its in pain.
Randy: [stops putting in electricity] Damn it! [takes off flashlight] Nothing kills these things!
Garrison: We have to keep trying. [walks to the jar and grabs it] Where did they go?
Randy: They're not in the jar? [turns around] That's it. Look, it's over.
Garrison: No, I'll go find more. [leaves kitchen]
Randy: [follows Garrison] It's over! Don't you get it?! [walks closer to Garrison] Even if we've found a way to eradicate them now, we don't have time to implement it nation-wide.
Garrison: Then how do we stop them from getting me elected President?
Randy: [walks away from Garrison] There's no other choice, Mr. Garrison. [stops walking] The American people have to be made to understand what's going on here. [turns around] You're gonna have to talk to them.
Garrison: [raises his hands near his head] No, no! I am done giving political speeches: I've tried being dirty, I tried being vulgar. [spreads his arm a little] Nothing matters!
Randy: [walks closer to Garrison] For the first time ever, [stops walking] you're gonna have to speak from the heart: not make it about you.
Garrison: Well that's just impossible.
Randy: You know what these things are capable of. Even if you lose the election, another one like you is gonna rise up and take your place. J.J. Abrams is seeing to that.
Garrison: [lays his hand on his face] Don't you get it, Randy? I'm not a politician. I never was.
Randy: All I know is that for the future of our country, you're gonna have to give one last speech: the speech that everyone needs to hear, a speech where you finally just talk like a normal human being.
Garrison: Oooh geeeeez!
Scene Description: Kyle's room, day. Kyle is at his desk working on math problems. His door is open and Cartman walks in.
Cartman: Hey man, can we have a quick chin wiggle? Look, the other day when you said Heidi wasn't funny, that was pretty lame, man.
Kyle: She wasn't being funny.
Cartman: Oh my God, will you let it go?! Why do you have to have this hangup against women?!
Kyle: I don't!
Cartman: You do, Kyle! You have to think about the things you say! They matter! [turns to leave]
Kyle: Cartman, [leaves his chair] I did some research on the Danish Web site you've been helping out. You do realize that once TrollTrace is online, anybody can use it on anyone, right?
Cartman: Yeah, to catch trolls.
Kyle: So somebody, like Heidi, could use it to see your entire Internet history. Everything you ever said and did on the Internet, even before you were together.
Cartman: [a look of fear crosses his face] Well, Heidi doesn't actually use the Internet. We've sworn off that stuff, so it's kewl.
Kyle: Right, but somebody, like me, could look up your entire Internet history, print it out, and give it to Heidi. I would imagine there's some things you've done or said on the Internet you wouldn't want Heidi to know about.
Cartman: [thinks for a moment] ...Uh oh. [the recent past flashes through his mind, stopping off at the moment he saw Heidi's vagina in his room with the lights out, then moving on to the day he saw Ghostbusters]
Scene Description: The Bijou, day. Cartman and his mom leave the theater
Liane: Did you like the movie, hon?
Cartman: No, it sucked! I'm gonna send Butters an e-mail right now. [whips out his phone and types] "Dude, don't bother with new Ghostbusters. Totally not funny. Chicks ruined it." [puts the phone away] Can we get ice cream now? I wanna get the taste of ass out of my mouth. [fast forward to the present]
Scene Description: Kyle's room, present day
Cartman: How can they make what I said on the Internet available to the public? That's bullshit!
Kyle: It's available to everyone, stupid!
Cartman: I gotta go! [runs out]
Scene Description: Randy's kitchen, night. The lights are out, only the moon shines in through the window above the sink.
Unknown Memberberries: Heehee, hurry! Come on, we have to hurry! Let's go.
Memberberry 1: [rolls away from toaster] This way, this way! We have to go this way, 'member?
Memberberry 2: [bounces away from toaster] Oh, I 'member!
Memberberry 3: [rolls away from toaster] Come on, we have to hurry! [rolls while Berry 1 bounces]
Memberberry 4: [bounces away from toaster] 'Member Jabba the Hut? [bounces while following the others]
Memberberry 2: Yeah! Come on Tubbs, you have to keep up! 'Member?! [rolls while following the others]
Tubbs: [bounces while ] Hehe, sorry. I 'member.
Memberberry 1: Okay, almost there.
Memberberry 4: [stops] 'Member the Battle of Endor?
Memberberry 1: Shh.
Memberberry 4: [talks softer] 'Member the Battle of Endor?
Memberberry 3: [stops] Oh I 'member. [berries keep on moving].
Tubbs: Hehehe. Are we almost there?
Memberberry 1: Shh.
Memberberry 2: Come on, 'member?
Memberberry 4: Oh I 'member!
Scene Description: The Broflovski residence. Dick rings the doorbell and Gerald answers.
Dick: I miss my friend.
Gerald: Oh you got to be-Are you joking?!
Dick: I don't know how things got derailed but, I-I'm sorry if I made you upset. I want to be buddies again.
Gerald: Buddies like when? When were we buddies?
Dick: Come on, let's just have a couple of beers and do some trolling.
Gerald: I don't have time for you! I'm sorry, dude, but I have a life. I have a wife, and kids, [raises his arms] and shit to do!
Dick: Why are you mad at me'?
Gerald: Because you won't go away and let me just have fun!
Dick: I refuse to believe that Skankhunt is that shallow.
Gerald: [turns to his side] Oh here we go!
Dick: When you Photoshopped penises in Kesha survivors' mouths, it's not just to make people laugh.
Gerald: [faces Dick] Yes it is!
Dick: If someone Photoshopped a dick in your wife's mouth, would you just think it was funny?
Gerald: You mean my [shows his phone to Dick with image of Sheila Photoshopped] fucking screensaver.
Dick: It's true. You're just an asshole. I thought you were the ultimate rebel. I actually looked up to you and you're nothing but a super... dick.
Gerald: And what are [points at Dick] you, Dildo Shwaggins? Huh? You think you're a fucking political activist hauled up in your shitty little midget condo. You're nothing but a pissed off little giant, lashing out at everyone because you can't get laid!
Dick: At least I have a reason to be angry. What do you have, that it's funny? Hurting people is just worth the laughs?
Gerald: Stop trolling me.
Dick: One day you're gonna wake up and realize that you don't have anyone either.
Gerald: Stop fucking trolling me. [shuts the front door]
Scene Description: TrollTrace Headquarters. Dane 2 walks to Bedrager while singers sings "Tjing Tjang Tjing".
Danes: Den jomfru sad i høje torn Tjing tjang tjing nutillej Og vendte ham som til forn Tjing tjang tjing nutillej
Dane 2: We have it! We think we have it! [stops walking] The emoji analysis worked. We've found the IP address of the troll that trolled us.
Bedrager: [turns around] Triangulate the servers.
Scene Description: [servers triangulated an area on North Colorado]
Bedrager: Focus everything on that area. It's time to see what these puppies can do.
Scene Description: Fort Collins, Colorado, MLKKK's house. MLKKK types at his computer and hears an air-raid siren and then turns on the TV.
News Reporter: Once again, if you live in the city of Fort Collins, there is a chance that all your emails and your entire Internet history has been made accessible to the public.
MLKKK: [checks his neighbor who is seen running out of the house screaming]
Fort Collins Citizen 1: [exits the house] Who the fuck are these emails to, and what the, what the fuck is MarriedButHorny.com?! [throws the Mac at her husband]
MLKKK: [sees his phone and picks it up with caution] Hello?
Unknown Caller: I know where you live now you son-a bitch.
MLKKK: [throws his phone on his desk and runs away to his car where he drives]
Fort Collins Citizen 2: I've been hacked! Help me I've been hacked!
Scene Description: Everyone in Fort Collins is panicking.
Fort Collins Citizen 3: They'll never forgive me! [jumps down from a high building]
MLKKK: [quickly presses the brake pedal, but crashes to the car in front of him. He leaves his car behind]
Fort Collins Citizen 4: [gets out of her car and clings onto him] They know everything I said about them! The club knows-
MLKKK: [pushes the woman] Get away from me! [runs away, but then gets stopped]
Scene Description: From an alleyway, the back of a man holding a bucket is seen as he calls out to MLKKK
Unknown Caller: Hello MLKKK! [the man is now visible and is accompanied by his disabled daughter] You called my daughter "R2-D2". You know how long I waited this day, you son-a bitch! [charges forward and throws the bucket's liquid content onto MLKKK. He then strikes a match and throws it onto MLKKK, immediately setting him on fire]
MLKKK: Ahhhh! [begins to run around and screams in pain as he is engulfed in flames]
Unknown Caller's Daughter: Is he burning, Pa?!
Unknown Caller: He's burning bright, little girl.
MLKKK: Ahhhh! [continues to run around and scream as father and daughter watch]
Scene Description: A highway. Evening. A toy car is driven with a few Memberries on them. The berries talked while the song "Africa" is played.
Toto: [sings] It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things...
Memberberry 1: 'Member which way we're going?
Memberberry 2: I 'member.
Tubbs: Hey hey, 'member the Ewok village?
Memberberry 3: Oh I 'member!
Memberberry 1: I 'member that!
Memberberry 4: Oh sure, I 'member!
Memberberry 2: 'Member 'member!
Scene Description: [a knocking sound is heard from the trunk]
Memberry 2: Oh shit, hang on. [pulls the car over and stops the song]
Scene Description: [the berries show left the car and opened the trunk to reveal a hostage berry]
Memberberry 1: Hey you, shut the fuck up!
Memberberry 2: Yeah, we're gonna kill you, 'member?
Mickey: Oh, I 'member. [trunk gets shut]
Scene Description: The Memberberries dance and talk while "Africa" is playing.
Toto: It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
Memberberry 3: Oh, 'member this song?
Memberberry 4: Sure, I 'member.
Memberberry 1: I love this song, it was fanta'tic, 'member?
Unknown Memberberries: Oh I 'member. Oh I love it when you 'member! 'Member! 'Member?
Scene Description: Gerald's work office. Gerald watches a live stream news report on his computer.
News reporter: Complete panic and mass-hysteria tonight as the City of Fort Collins has been hacked. [aerial footage of an interesection is shown, with burning cars and a bus smashed together while people run through the streets in panic]
Gerald: Oh my god. Oh my god, they've done it.
News reporter: The Danish are taking complete credit for the cyber-attack, blaming its successfully exposed and notorious troll. [A black and white photo of MLKKK's with the caption "MLKKK ANTHONY WEBSTER" is shown] The man has been identified as the Internet troll MLKKK, [the original photo moves to the side and a phtoto of MLKKK running while engulfed in flames as the unknown caller and his daughter look on is now shown] and was burned alive by one of his apparent victims.
Gerald: Ah!
News reporter: The Danish claimed this was only a beta-test and soon the servers will be available worldwide. [turns his head to his left] Wait, so like they'll be releasing everyone's Internet history? Uh, I gotta go. [runs away]
Gerald: No! No no no no no! [FaceTimes Dick] Dildo, they done it! The Danish figured out how to hack everyone's Internet history!
Dick: [ends the call]
Gerald: Ahhh!
Scene Description: Mars in Cartman's fantasy. There's a severe dust storm.
Cartman: Not kewl! Not kewl! [holds onto a rock and sees someone caught in the storm, flying away] Not kewl! [tries to walk to the station]
Unnamed character 3: [holds onto a station] Wait!
Unnamed character 1: Have fun! [gets blown away by storm]
Scene Description: [roler coaster gets damaged]
Cartman: It's all falling apart! Weak!
Scene Description: Cartman's room. Heidi notices Cartman is worried.
Heidi: What is it, Eric? What's wrong?
Cartman: I-I, I don't know.
Heidi: Come on. We don't keep secrets, remember?
Cartman: It's just hard.
Heidi: You said you wanted to be perfectly honest with me, always.
Cartman: And I do. [breathes heavily] This one time, [wipes his nose] I think it was over the summer I went to see the new Ghostbusters movie.
Heidi: Yeah.
Cartman: And, and during the movie I was like "Wait, where is my phone?" and I couldn't find it; and then Jimmy said "Ha ha ha, screw you, Cartman," and he was holding my phone and he ran off with it and said, "I gonna send a bunch of texts and emails from your phone so that everyone thinks it's from you,"; and I was like "No, that's not cool!" and he said "Yeah," and he said a bunch of mean stuff before I went to go get him and I took my phone back; and I'm just worried th-that people look at my Internet history, they're gonna think all that stuff came from me!
Heidi: Well I'm glad you told me, 'cause now I know.
Cartman: So you totally believe me?
Heidi: Of course. [Cartman and her touch hands] You've never given me a reason not to believe you, babe.
Cartman (fantasy): [sees Mars restored] Kewl! [leaps]
Heidi: You have no reason to worry. People will know it wasn't you. With emoji analysis, everyone will be able to tell exactly where any comments came from.
Cartman (fantasy): [holds onto a rock, noticing a severe dust storm] Ugh! No, [lets go of the rock] nooo!
Scene Description: A campaign. Mr. Garrison gives a speech.
Garrison: My fellow Americans, we live in an un-presented time of uncertainty. I want to speak to you human-to-human because with God's grace, this will be the last time you ever hear from me. When I started this campaign I was saying a lot of shit because I was angry, [Gerald is seen in a bar, worried] and then I turned that anger into pushing buttons by more and more outrageous. Slowly, people started paying attention to me and I guess it made me feel powerful. Well now the chickens have come home to roost. [Kyle, Ike, and Sheila are seen having dinner in their home] Sooner or later, we all get exposed. [Gerald sees his family having dinner] We're all held accountable for what we say, what we do. [Garrison is seen again] There is only one thing that matters now. On November eighth, you must vote against me, and show the world that you didn't think the new Star Wars was all that good. When you're in that voting booth, remember that every vote for Hillary Clinton is a vote that shows the world we agree that The Force Awakens was more like a happy day reunion's special than a movie. The choice is yours, America. Please make the right one.
Scene Description: Clinton's office. Two FBI agents enter.
FBI agent 1: The Danish claim they will soon have the ablity to publish anyone's Internet history. We have to act fast, Mrs. Sandwich.
Clinton: I'll have you treat me with more respect. Haven't you seen the polls? It's president elects Sandwich.
FBI agent 1: We may not want to get too far ahead ourselves. [takes out a file of Skankhunt42 from envelope] TrollTrace must be stopped. [gives file to Clinton]
Clinton: Who is Skankhunt42?
FBI agent 1: We believe he's the only one who can save you now.
Scene Description: A restaurant. The memberberries are together.
Memberberry 1: Here we are. We made it.
Tubbs: We did?
Memberberry 2: Yeah, we have to go with Plan B, 'member?
Memberberry 3: Ooh, I 'member.
Memberberry 4: [talks to Hostage Berry] Sorry asshole, end of the line for you.
Mickey: That's okay, I 'member. [gets pushed into a drink]
Waiter: [grabs the drink and brings it to a table] Here you are, ma'am, gin and tonic.
Caitlyn: [grabs drink] Thanks.
Waiter: Should be an interesting election this year, huh?
Caitlyn: [takes a sip] Buckle up, buckaroos.