Scene Description: The forest outside South Park, day. The camera pans down from the trees and settles on the forest floor, on which Cartman appears, followed by Tweek. Cartman is dressed like a lumberjack, with flannel shirt, vest, and rope.
Cartman: All right, let's try over here. [points straight ahead. Jason appears behind them] Set up traps there, and there as well. [points right] Last time I saw him he ran right through here. [moves, revealing Stan further back. Cartman moves to his left, and Kyle is seen sitting on a fallen tree]
Kyle: This is so retarded, Cartman. You've got everyone believing your stupid story.
Cartman: [sets up a trip wire between two stones] It isn't a story, it's true! I saw a leprechaun. I've seen him come through here three days in a row now. [drops the rope, walks forward, and whips out a walkie-talkie] Hawk Eyes, this is Dragon Wind. Do you copy?
Clyde: This is Hawk Eyes. We've set up the net and we're standing by. [behind him are Jimmy, Jason, and Craig hoisting the net into place]
Cartman: Copy that, Hawk Eyes. Keep surveillance tag Alpha Niner. Dragon Wind out. [Tweek joins Stan in the background]
Kyle: Just admit you were lying, Cartman, so that everyone can go home!
Cartman: O-ho no! We have a deal, Kyle! If I can prove there's a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls, remember?! [whips out his walkie talkie] Dragon Wind to Blackie: What's your six, Blackie?
Token: [pissed off] ... I don't want the code name Blackie.
Cartman: Code names are what they are, Blackie! Check your six and alert when in position! [puts away the walkie talkie and gets back to setting the trip wire.]
Kyle: This is fucking retarded!
Cartman: Hahaha, getting nervous, Kyle? When that leprechauns shows up you must suck my balls! Don't forget I have a signed contract from you. [finishes setting the trip wire]
Kyle: Yeah, and if you couldn't prove there was a leprechaun, you have to give me ten dollars! Now just pay up and stop being stupid!
Cartman: [whispers loudly] Goddammit, why hasn't it shown up yet? [whips out the walkie talkie] Dragon Wind to Faggot! Come in, Faggot!
Butters: [stands on a lookout platform with a telescope next to him. He answers in a subdued manner] This is faggot. Go ahead.
Cartman: Faggot, I need you to keep surveillance North to North East. Check back in five.
Butters: Okay, will do. Faggot out. [turns right and looks through the telescope] Waagh.
Kyle: Okay, that's enough. [hops off the tree and walks forward] Everybody! Cartman is just pulling one of his stupid tricks on everyone, because he's trying to get out of a deal he made!
Cartman: It was here, I swear it! I don't know why it's not showin' up this time!
Kyle: You didn't see a leprechaun, fatass! If you could prove it, I had to suck your balls, but if you couldn't, you had to pay me ten dollars! Pay up!
Butters: Uh, I got somethin'! I got it! [the other boys turn and pay attention] It's uh... Oh jeez I thnk it's a leprechaun!
Cartman: [to Token] Set off diversion track C! [Token sets off a small bomb under a pile of leaves. Nearby a leprechaun skips into view, then stops upon seeing the boys]
Stan: Dude...
Jimmy: Fuh, fuck me, it's a leprechaun.
Cartman: [charging forth] Get it! [the leprechaun runs away, and all the boys except Kyle, who is dumbfounded, give chase] Get that fucking leprechaun! I want it alive! [the leprechaun crawls under a tree trunk and gets up. He trips over a rope and a net descends on him; he dodges it and runs off. He runs into a bush and trips a sliding door, which drops down behind him. It traps him in a cage. He looks around for a way out, but sees the boys crowd in.]
Butters: Wow.
Stan: Cool.
Craig: No way.
Token: Whoa.
Jason: Wow.
Cartman: [making his way through, out of breath] Eugh! Uh, move aside! Move aside! All right, butthole, where's the gold?!
Leprechaun: You lads don't know what you're doin'. I need to deliver an important message! There's goin' to be an attack!
Cartman: [gets out a Bowie knife] Tell me where the gold is or you die! [unsheathes it] Slow! [the leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him out and disappears]
Stan: Where'd he go? [the leprechaun appears on a tree limb behind the boys; they turn to look at him again]
Leprechaun: I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack, but you boys have made me late. Now the terrorists will prevail! The end is near! [the leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him away and disappears]
Craig: Dude.
Cartman: [walks up to Kyle and clears his throat] Kyle, suck my balls. [brings out the contract both of them signed. Kyle stands motionless]
Scene Description: SOUTH PARK KYLE SUCKS CARTMAN'S BALLS THE TRILOGY
Scene Description: The dining room. The family is at dinner, eating silently. Kyle has got something on his mind, as he's not eating.
Kyle: Dad, where do leprechauns come from?
Gerald: [not skipping a beat] From Ireland.
Kyle: So... why would one come to America to warn us about a terrorist attack?
Sheila: Kyle, leprechauns aren't real. You're almost nine now; you need to understand the difference beween real and imaginary.
Kyle: I thought I did. [the doorbell rings and Sheila rises to get the door]
Cartman: [walks in with the contract and a camera] Ohhh, Ms. Broflovski, how are you this fine evening?
Sheila: Oh,hello Eric. [leads him to the dining room] Kyle, your friend is here.
Cartman: Hello, Mr. Broflovski, Ike. Nice evening, isn't it? Well Kyle, shall we go up to your room for a few minutes.
Kyle: [gets off his seat and stands between Cartman and the table] Get out of here, Cartman, we're eating dinner!
Cartman: Uhh, Kyle, I believe a certain someone is supposed to put a certain set of balls in their mouth.
Kyle: I'm not doing it, fatass!
Gerald: Doing what?
Cartman: We had a deal, Kyle!
Kyle: Just get out of here!
Cartman: [walks up to Kyle] You signed an agreement, Kyle!!
Kyle: I don't care if I signed an agreement!
Gerald: Ah hey now Kyle, if you made a deal with somebody, you have to stick by it.
Cartman: Thank you, Mr. Broflovski.
Gerald: What was the agreement?
Kyle: That if he could prove leprechauns exist, I would suck his balls.
Sheila: Whatwhatwhat?!
Cartman: And there was a leprechaun! You saw it, Kyle!!
Scene Description: A neighborhood clearing, day. Stan, Butters, Jimmy, and Kenny are working on a massive snow sculpture. Kyle walks up to them.
Kyle: Hey dudes. [the boys stop and pay attention]
Jimmy: Hey Kyle. So, ...how was it?
Kyle: How was what?
Jimmy: Sucking Cartman's b-balls.
Kyle: I didn't suck his balls, all right?! And I'm not going to!
Stan: [walks up to him] Dude, why did you ever agree to suck his balls in the first place?
Kyle: Uch, I didn't think there would actually be a leprechaun! And I still don't! Why would a leprechaun be warning us of a terrorist attack?! There's another explanation for all this.
Fanciful Mayor: [dressed in a Southern Victorian outfit, polka-dotted yellow pants, and curled shoes] Excuse me. Have you boys seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?
Stan: ...What do you know about the leprechaun?
Fanciful Mayor: Ooooo, then you did see him. [twirls] That's splendiferous! I want you to tell me everything he said. Where was he? What was he doing?
Kyle: All right I've had enough! Leprechauns are imaginary!
Fanciful Mayor: Well of course they are. But just because they're imaginary doesn't mean they're not real. Haven't you boys ever used your imagination? [whips out a striped cane and turns to Stan] You young man! How would you like to be a cowboy? Or a- swashbuckling pirate? [moves over to Kyle] And you! How would you like to be an astronaut, faaar out in space? All it takes is a little... [taps his head with his left hand] imagination.
Stan: Who the hell are you?
Fanciful Mayor: Still not convinced, eh? I tell you what, boys. What say we all take a ride on my... Imagination Flying Machine? [before them appears an elegant red blimp with four smaller yellow balloons from which hangs a small wooden ship with three wheels underneath it for landing on solid ground]
Kyle: Dude.
Fanciful Mayor: Hop aboard, kids. I have something to show you.
Butters: Uhhh, are you gonna rape us?
Fanciful Mayor: [confused] Ubeuh... uh... n... no?
Butters: Ah, all right then.
Stan: Come on, guys. [the others follow him, with Butters trailing.]
Butters: Watch it, fellas. I'm pretty sure this guy wants to rape us.
Fanciful Mayor: All aboard the Imagination Balloon! [sounds the boarding bell and lifts off as the boys draw up the rope ladder.] Some people feel imagination isn't real, but I tell them that they're wrong, 'cause whenever I want to play and pretend, I just sing the Imagination Sooong [the song consists of the one word "imagination," repeated. The ship floats lazily over the countryside, then over the Platte river and a bridge, then over another river flanked by meadows and woods, and ever higher into the sky, then over the Rockies].
Kyle: [at his limit] Are you gonna take us somewhere or not?!
Fanciful Mayor: Oh- Ohhh. But my boy, we're already here.
Scene Description: Imaginationland, where whatever fantastical creatures you could imagine exists. There are two moons and two pointy stars in the sky and mountains whose tops bend over like witches' hats. There are castles everywhere with flags atop them. As the Imagination Balloon floats in, a flying giraffe is shown, as is a flying city, a griffin, an elevated tram and its cars, and many, many creatures strange and familiar. The creatures all turn to see the ship and follow it to its landing
The Boys: Whoa...
Stan: What is this place?
Fanciful Mayor: This... is Imaginationland. [a yellow rocket flies in and lands on its own] It's where all the wonderful and goofy things that humans have made up over the years live together. [more of the land and its inhabitants are shown, and the balloon finally lands in the middle of town. The Mayor climbs down the rope ladder] Citizens of Imaginationland! We have distinguished guests from the world beyond! [the creatures ooo and aaa about them]
Cheetara: Hello. [the boys climb down. Butters is excited]
Lollipop King: [a walking lollipop with a crown and lollipop scepter] Welcome to Imaginationland. I am the Lollipop King.
Mr. Tumnus: [bows] We are honored to have Creators in our kingdom.
Fanciful Mayor: Now, good news, everyone! These boys did see the leprechaun! [the creatures jump for joy]
Pat the Hammer: What did he tell you? Did he have any news?
Stan: [hesitantly] Well he said there was gonna be a- ...that there was... gonna be a-
A Terrorist: [runs in out of nowhere] ALLAH!!! [he stops, rips open his jacket, and shows off the bombs strapped to his body]
Fanciful Mayor: [closeup] OH FUCK NO! [the terrorist sets off the bomb as everyone else leans back. The explosion sends creatures flying everywhere, with some of them dying as their bodies fall apart. Charlie Brown is blown away, losing his left leg below the knee.]
Charlie Brown: Awwwgh! [falls on his face]
Cheetara: [running past Stan] AAAAAH!
Scene Description: Stan is battered and looks for shelter. He finds it under a giant mushroom. He is now in a daze and time begins to move slowly for him. He watches as Raggedy Ann tries to revive a destroyed Raggedy Andy, but it's no use. He then turns to see Santa set ablaze and set two moon-bellied sneetches on fire. The action takes on a war-ravaged tone as Ronald McDonald finds he's lost his right arm. He sees it on the floor and walks over to pick it up with his left hand. He winces, then sees a large building go up in flames as burning creatures run about. An explosion sends the building's tower crashing down in front of the building. The terrorist fires away with his automatic machine gun. Stan begins to recover as he puts his cap back on. A faun runs past him in the background, and Kyle arrives. His lips move slowly and Stan doesn't know what he's saying.
Kyle: [above all the noise] Stan, we have to get out of here!! [Jimmy is with him. The three take off. The terrorist appears behind them, but doesn't see them. Kenny joins the group as a dragon drops down from the sky.]
Draco: Quickly boys! Get on my back! [the boys climb on and Draco takes off]
Butters: Fellas! Fellas wait! [the boys look back at Butters, who is running up to them as fast as he can] Hold on, fellas!
Stan: Butters.
Butters: Don't leave me, fellas! Come back! [a terrorist knocks him down with the butt of his gun, then kicks him around. Two other terrorists join in]
Kyle: Dude! [the terrorists keep kicking Butters around]
Butters: Hey guys!
The Boys: Butters!
Scene Description: The Broflovski House, morning. Kyle wakes up startled in his room and sits up.
Kyle: A-ah! A-a-ah! Wha? Where...? Oh. Oh dude. Oh, it was just a dream. It was all just a crazy dream. Huh, oh my God. [gets out of bed and walks off]
Scene Description: The Marsh house, morning. Stan is eating cereal at the breakfast table when the phone rings.
Stan: [picks up] Hello?
Kyle: Dude, did you finish your math homework? I kind of lost track of time last night.
Stan: No no I I hardly got any sleep. I had this whole messed up dream about some gay Mayor guy taking us to Imaginationland where all these imaginary characters live?
Kyle: [speechless, then] ...And then it got attacked by terrorists?
Stan: Yeah! How'd you know?
Kyle: Dude! I had the same dream! We jumped on a dragon's back and, and Butters got left behind!
Sharon: [enters the kitchen] Stan? Stanley? You haven't seen your little friend Butters, have you? [with her are Butters' parents. Linda is distraught]
Stan: Why?
Linda: Our darling Butters never came home last night.
Kyle: What did they say??
Steven: We don't wanna jump to conclusions, but... we're worried that maybe somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again, and then fed his genitals to wild animals. [Linda starts crying] There there, darling.
Kyle: [hearing the crying] ...Dude...
Scene Description: The Pentagon, Washington D.C., day.
General Deckter: [serious] Ladies and gentlemen, I have dire news. Yesterday, at approximately 18:00 hours, terrorists successfully attacked... our imagination. [the other officials there look around and murmur at each other]
Man 1: Our imagination?
Woman 1: [behind him, with gray hair] How?
Specialist: The imaginary attack appears to have been in the works for years. The effects of the attack are so far... unimaginable.
General Deckter: We've intercepted this videotape the terrorists made for broadcast. Luckily we've kept it from being broadcast to the public. [clicks on a remote control, and the video appears onscreen. The Fanciful Mayor is on the ground with a blindfold on. A Care Bear sits to his right with a blindfold on as well. The terrorist starts speaking, then backs up to shoot a Care Bear in the head]
Fanciful Mayor: No! It's just a Care Bear! [a terrorist knocks him down with the butt of his gun. A fairy godmother walks up to check on him]
Man 2: Oh my God.
General Deckter: [fast forwards the tape] Later in the video we can see another imaginary hostage; this one reading a forced statement.
Butters: [reading the statement at gunpoint] Praise to the mighty Allah. His divine grace a-and will have brought forth this day. [a terrorists brings forth a severed bear head to show the viewers] Oh jeez! [the terrorist withdraws] Uhhh, nnow see, your safety is at our whim. This is the price you pay, America! You have defiled Allah, and now we will turn your imagination against you! Death to the Infidels! [there's no more to read] Can I go now? [two terrorists come up and drag him away. The one wearing a vest takes the statement away from Butters.] Stan! Kyle! Could you could you get me out of here?? [the tape is stopped]
General Deckter: Gentlemen, the terrorists appear to have complete control of our imagination. It's only a matter of time before... our imaginations start running wild.
Scene Description: Colorado State Courthouse, day.
Cartman: [as the plaintiff, with a lawyer] I believe a serious blow to democracy has just been dealt. [Kyle is the defendant, without a laywer] A travesty has occurred, and I want justice! Kyle Broflovski did willingly and knowingly sign a contract, and yet, to date, he has made no effort, nor does he show any intention, of ever sucking my balls! [the judge can't believe what she's hearing] I've given him ample time to fulfill his obligation, and he has thus refused. I stand before you with dry balls, Your Honor. I've provided witnesses, collected testimonials, and still, my balls remain dry. I want what I'm entitled to!
Judge: [looks over the contract in front of her] Mr. Broflovski, did you agree to orally imbibe Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?
Kyle: I...
Judge: [shows Kyle the contract] Is this not your signature on the contract?
Kyle: Uh... W-uh... but... Come o- come on! Really? I mean, aren't there more important things going on right now?
Judge: From what I've been presented and the evidence put forth, the court has no choice but to order you to place Mr. Cartman's pubicle sac in your mouth, and draw upon it succulently for no less than 30 seconds.
Cartman: [pumps his left fist] Yesss!
Judge: You have twenty four hours to suck aforementioned balls. If after that time you still refuse, the court will be forced to arrest you for contempt. Next case! [lowers the gavel. The camera is in a position to see it block Kyle from view.]
Cartman: Thank you Your Honor. This isn't a victory for me, this is a victory for the justice system. And my balls.
Scene Description: The Pentagon, Washington D.C., day. General Deckter and four of his top people sit opposite a dark-skinned man. There are other people present
General Deckter: What I am about to tell you is highly classified. Two days ago, Muslim terrorists hijacked our imagination. [the man is now shown close up] Frankly we don't know what their next move is or how to stop them.
Specialist: In times like these the government often turns to Hollywood for help. You creative filmmakers can think of idea we just can't.
General Deckter: That's why we've asked you here, M. Night Shyal-amalam. [the camera zooms out a bit and shows the name tag in front of the man: the director M. Night Shyalaman] The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, all very clever films. But can you use your amazing idea brain now to help us stop the terrorists?
M. Night Shyalaman: What if... [the top officials lean in] What if it turns out they aren't terrorists? But they're actually werewolves? From the future?
General Deckter: N, no. No, they're terrorists. They've been linked to Al Qaeda.
M. Night Shyalaman: But what if Al Qaeda, it turns out, is the group being terrorized? By aliens?
General Deckter: No- No. That's not an idea, that's a twist. We need ideas.
M. Night Shyalaman: How about we make everyone think that terrorists attacked us? But really, we were all already dead.
General Deckter: [to the specialist] Get him out of here. [M. Night Shyalaman is hauled away, only to be replaced by...] Mr. Bay, can you think of any idea how to outwit these terrorists?
Michael Bay: I believe I can. [the officials get their pens ready to write] We start... by making a big CG building and then we have a meteor go CROSSHH! [makes a diving motion with his left arm] and it, and it's all like CRAAWWWLL [simulates an explosion with his arms] a-and motorcycles burst into flame while they jump over these helicopters, right? [has his right hand go over his left arm like a motorcycle over a helicopter]
General Deckter: [firmly] No no! We need ideas how to stop the terrorists!
Michael Bay: An eighteen-wheeler spins out of control and it's all like BROSSHH [makes a crashing motion with his right hand] And then this huuuge tanker full of dyna- [launches into a series of explosions]
General Deckter: [fed up] Those aren't ideas, those are special effects!
Michael Bay: I... don't understand the difference.
General Deckter: I know you don't. Get him out of here! [next in the chair is Mel Gibson] Aaand being that we are all big Mel Gibson film fans, we thought maybe you could help us.
Mel Gibson: [twisting his hipples hard] Ah, my nipples, they hurt! They hurt when I twist them!
General Deckter: [dismayed, drops his head into his left hand] Yes, uh, I don't suppose you have any creative ideas how to fight these terrorists?
Mel Gibson: How about this? You have that tape that the terrorists made, right? Well, maybe if you did a background check on that videotape, you might find somebody who doesn't belong. Somebody who doesn't fit in Imaginationland![twists his nipples again] Ohhh!
Specialist: Heyy... that's not a bad idea.
General Deckter: Yeah. Say what you will about Mel Gibson, but the son of a bitch knows story structure. Get the videotape and do a background check on everyone in it!
Mel Gibson: [twists his nipples from the excitement] Oogh! Yess! [grins]
Scene Description: some hours later.
Specialist: All the imaginary characters in the tape were identified, sir. Count Chocula, Cinderella, Snarf from Thundercats... But here. [clicks. Butters is shown in full] Nothing in American folklore or storytelling match this kid. He appears to be... just some kid. [zooms into Butters. The last few seconds of the tape are replayed: "Stan! Kyle! Could you could you get me out of here??"]
General Deckter: [determined] I want digital imaging and resource magnification done stat! [slams his right fist into his left hand] If that kid isn't imaginary, I want to know who he is, where he's from, and who his friends are!
Specialist: Yes sir! [leaves, and General Deckter is alone in the meeting room with Butters' image]
General Deckter: [walks up to the screen and stares intently at Butters' image] Who are you?...
Scene Description: Imaginationland, the aftermath. Butters and the Mayor have been released and join the survivors. Mighty Mouse sits on a talking suitcase, Link tends to Tumnus. Other survivors are the Flash, the Wild Thing, H.R. Pufnstuf, Count Chocula, Orko, Pat the Hammer, Cinderella, Totoro, and Humpty Dumpty
Butters: Uh, excuse me? Uh Mr. Terrorist, sir? [a shot of the terrorists arming the rocket from the beginning of the episode] Uh, I'm actually not imaginary, a-and um, my p-my parents are gonna ground me if I don't get back- [one of the terrorists says something to him and cocks his gun] Aaah! [holds out his palms and backs up to join the survivors] Okay, sorry. Uh sorry.
Pat the Hammer: Can you tell what the terrorists are doing?
Fanciful Mayor: They're going something to Rockety Rocket.
Rockety Rocket: No! Leave me alone! Haaa!
Cinderella: It doesn't make sense. What do they want with Rockety?
Fanciful Mayor: The only reason they would- [shuts up upon a realization] Oh my God. They're gonna blow up the Barrier!
Butters: Uh what's the Barrier?
Fanciful Mayor: The wall! The wall which separates the evil side of Imaginationland from the good side! [the wall, which is rather low, is shown. Beyond it is a dark place, full of lightning and unknown dangers]
Rockety Rocket: No! No you can't blow up the barrier! Are you insane?! [the terrorists talk amongst themselves]
Cinderella: We can't let this happen.
Suitcase: It will be the end of Imaginationland.
Pat the Hammer: Yeah. You have to stop them, kid.
Butters: Me?? Woo, what am I supposed to do?
Fanciful Mayor: Don't you get it?! If the terrorists blow that barrier, all the most evil things ever imagined are gonna pour out and take over Imaginationland for good! YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!
Butters: [frightened] Waaahaa!
Scene Description: Cartman's house, day. He's the the whole house decked out for a party. A lush Arabian party. Persian throw rugs are spread out all over the floor. The sofa has been converted into a royal litter. His classmates mill around drinking juice. Cartman enters the living room dressed as a sultan
Cartman: Thanks for coming, everyone. The big moment is almost here, as soon as Kyle arrives.
Craig: He's not gonna show up to suck your balls dude.
Cartman: He has to. He's been ordered by the court.
Clyde: Hey, he's here. [the kids turn to face the front door. Stan and Kyle walk towards the house together]
Cartman: What? Move aside, move aside! [moves through the crowd to the door]
Stan: Dude, do you really have to do it?
Kyle: Let's just get this over with!
Cartman: Yes, come on in, peasant Kyle, and pay homage to this sultan's balls.
Kyle: God damnit!
Cartman: Yehehehesss. Yehhhs! [the sound of helicopters ruins the moment as Cartman's smile vanishes and he looks around. Stan and Kyle turn around and see the helicopters. Police cars and government vehicles converge on Cartman's house as the copters land. General Deckter, specialist, two soldiers, and two security guards pour out of the helicopter]
Specialist: That's them, sir. Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski.
General Deckter: You boys need to come with us on a matter of national security.
Kyle: Who are you?
General Deckter: There's no time! You need to come with us right now! [prods the boys towards the waiting helicopter]
Cartman: [runs up and grabs Kyle's free hand] Hey, let go of him! [Kyle is now in a tug of war between Cartman and General Deckter]
General Deckter: We aren't going to hurt your little friends. We just need information.
Cartman: No! No, he has to suck my balls! [loses his hold on Kyle and falls to the sidewalk on all fours. He gets up and runs after the helicopter, which takes off quickly. All the other vehicles pull out. Cartman runs down the street a bit] NO! KYYYYLE! [loses his turban]
Scene Description: Imaginationland. The terrorists make the end run with Rockety Rocket towards the Barrier.
Rockety Rocket: No! Noooo! [Butters comes into view to stop them]
Butters: Hold on! Hold on a second! [the terrorists screech to a halt] Now, you really should think about this. I mean, uh, I I know you think attacking our imagination will get you somewhere, but will it really? If you destroy that wall, all the most evil parts of our imagination are gonna break loose, but... will it really make you terrorists feel better? Maybe it's time for us all to just... get along.
Terrorists: [having had time to think about it, they give their answer] ALLAH!! [they charge forth with Rockety Rocket toward the door, then push him forward. Butters jumps out of the way.]
Rockety Rocket: AAAAAAAH! Jesus Christ, no!! [reaches the door and blows up. The terrorists cheer and fire away into the air. Butters gets up near the survivors]
Fanciful Mayor: That was your plan to stop them??
Butters: Y-yeah, and that's not a heartfelt speech?
Fanciful Mayor: That's fucking stupid! [the ground begins to shake under them as rumbles come from the evil side of Imaginationland. The terrorists stop firing. Cracks appear on the door. The Mayor says with dread] They are coming... [the door falls apart. "TO BE CONTINUED" appears over the action]
Scene Description: The desert, day. An oil rig moves east. The cab is red with a white stripe. Cartman is inside with the driver
Driver: Glad I picked you up, kid. It's dangerous for someone your age to be hitchhikin'
Cartman: Yeah well, when a man has been wronged... he no longer cares about danger.
Driver: You goin' to Washington to visit family?
Cartman: I've got unfinished business. You go through life being told there's justice, then you learn that the only real justice... [looks at a picture of Kyle] is the justice you take. [to the picture] Make no mistake, Kyle. Before this is over, you will suck my balls. [runs his finger over Kyle's mouth]


Scene Description: Previously on South Park.
Cartman: [voiceover] Previously on Battlestar Galactica [clips from last week's episode follow]
Stan: What is this place?
Fanciful Mayor: This... is Imaginationland.
A Terrorist: [runs in out of nowhere] ALLAH!!! [the terrorist sets off the bomb as everyone else leans back. The explosion sends creatures flying everywhere, with some of them dying as their bodies fall apart.]
Kyle: [above all the noise] We have to get out of here!!
Butters: [running up to the boys as Draco takes off with them] Hold on, fellas!
The Boys: Butters!!
General Deckter: Terrorists have just attacked... our imagination.
Fanciful Mayor: [to Butters] If the terrorists blow that barrier, all the most evil things ever imagined are gonna pour out!
Terrorists: ALLAH!! [they charge forth with Rockety Rocket toward the door, then push him forward. Butters jumps out of the way.]
Rockety Rocket: No!! [reaches the door and blows up. The terrorists cheer and fire away into the air. Butters gets up near the survivors]
Scene Description: EPISODE II
Scene Description: The screen brightens, and a bedroom is shown. A music box plays as the camera pans to the left. The bed is shown, and Butters is asleep in it.
Scene Description: Butters' room, morning.
Stephen: [voiceover] Butters, time for breakfast.
Butters: Buh, huh, but... Oh jeez, it was just a dream.
Stephen: [enters with Linda, who's holding a plate] Come on, Butters. Mom's cooked waffles and nanas for you.
Butters: [chuckles with relief] Hoho! Mom, Dad, I dreamt I was in Imaginationland and, and terrorists attacked it.
Stephen: You are in Imaginationland. This is a dream.
Butters: Huh?
Fanciful Mayor: [breaking into the dream] Hey, wake up, stupid! [the bedroom transitions into Imaginationland] Come on, wake up, kid!
Butters: [wakes and stands up] No, wait! Uh I was back home in bed!
Fanciful Mayor: NO! You passed out and peed your pants!
Cinderella: Look! The evil of Imaginationland is coming out! [monsters from the evil side pour through the broken wall. The survivors from the terrorist attack turn and run away]
Butters: Oh hamburgers! [the terrorists fire off their guns, but a monster wipes them out]
Fanciful Mayor: Everyone! Fall back to the Gumdrop Forest! [catches up to Butters] Come with me, little boy! I'm going to get you home! [an Alien jumps into view and jumps around the Mayor]
Butters: WAAAA! It's Alien! [points to the Xenomorph, which grabs the Mayor, lifts him up, and attacks him from behind and pierces right through him, killing him instantly. Butters runs away, only to be spotted by a Predator with laser sights. Butters avoids the lasers] Predator! Wha? [an army of Imperial Stormtroopers head his way. A heavy footfall behind him alerts him to Jason Voorhees's presence. He jumps] Huh? [Jason takes out his machete and slashes at him, but Butters ducks it and runs away] WAAAAAH! HAAAAAAAA! [geometric shapes and Tribbles join the fray]
Scene Description: The Pentagon, day. General Deckter and his specialist interrogate Stan and Kyle in the same room the directors were in previously. General Deckter paces back and forth.
Stan: Look, we already told you everything we know. Some guy just showed up in a big balloon and took us into Imaginationland.
General Deckter: [stops and places his hands on the table] What we want to know is how! We need to find a way into Imaginationland; you've been there! How did you do it?!
Kyle: We just... went on a balloon ride.
Specialist: There must have been some kind of portal or doorway.
Stan: Dude, we don't remember.
General Deckter: Do you realize what's goin' on here?! Terrorists have attacked our imagination, and now our imaginations are running wild! [wags his left index finger at them] You'd better start remembering!
Specialist: It was the Chinese, wasn't it?
Kyle: ...What?
Specialist: We've suspected that the Chinese government was working on a doorway to the imagination. [wags his right index finger at them] Is that where you were?!
Stan: No.
General Deckter: That's it, isn't it?! Where do the Chinese keep this portal? How does it work?
Specialist: It is better than ours?
Stan: Your what?
Specialist: Our portal to the imagination built as a secret project back in 1962 to fight the Soviets-
General Deckter: [puts his hands on his hips] Shhh! Tom! That's super-secret.
Tom: [a bit chagrined] Ohh, I'm sorry sir.
Kyle: Wait. The U.S. Government has a portal to the imagination?
General Deckter: Aw, see? Good job, Tom! Why don't you just tell them everything about Project X?!
Tom: Yes sir. [to the boys] We built a portal to the imagination to use against the Russians during the Cold War, but we never got a-
General Deckter: THAT WAS SARCASM. I was being sarcastic, you fucking idiot!
Tom: [more chagrined] Aw jeez, I'm really sorry sir.
Stan: If you already built a doorway to the imagination, then why do you need us?
General Deckter: [turns his back to the boys] All right, we might as well show it to them. [whispers] God-dammit, Tom.
Scene Description: Darkness.
Cartman: [voiceover] Every night, the dream is the same. [a field of grain pops up with purple mountains in the background. Cartman walks in smiling and holding the contract] I'm on my way to visit my friend Kyle, because we had a bet that if I could prove leprechauns were real, he would suck my balls. [Kyle is standing in the field, and Cartman walks up to him] And it turns out I was right. "Time to pay up, Kyle." [Kyle's name echoes into the distance] But then... [Kyle turns around with his mouth sewn shut] "NO! NOOO!" [Cartman rises into the air and the field fades to black] It's been taken from me. I have dry balls. Balls so dry they explode like dust. [he floats through the darkness. His right testicle pops and dissolves into the air. His left one does the same, and there's no penis left either.]
Scene Description: In a bus. Cartman shakes himself awake
Elderly woman: You okay, kid?
Cartman: NO. I've got dry balls. And I'm running out of time.
Scene Description: The Pentagon, the portal. The technicians prepare the portal
General Deckter: Ever since the Cold War, the U.S. Government has been working on a secret project to build a doorway into the imagination. It is called "Project Imagination Doorway."
Stan: That's not very imaginative.
General Deckter: According to all the tests and the data, the doorway should work, but... it never has.
Lead tech: But we're close, sir. We're real close.
General Deckter: They've been saying that for over forty years.
Lead tech: [walks up and stands next to General Deckter] You're the ones, right? The kids who have been in the imagination.
Kyle: Ah I guess.
Lead tech: What was the sequence that got you inside? We know there's some kind of... resonance code, but we can't figure it out.
Kyle: Look, we're sorry, you guys, but the balloon just went up in the air and the dude sang a song and we were suddenly there.
General Deckter: Song? You didn't say anything about a song before.
Lead tech: What song?
Stan: The Imagination song?
Lead tech: That could be it. The fractal converter has never worked because it was waiting for a multitonal code!
General Deckter: Quick boys: how does the Imagination Song go?
Stan, Kyle: [unsure of the notes] Imaginaaaation Imaginaaaation
Operator: Sir, uh I'm getting some electrofeedback from the gate. Ih it's weak, but it's nanoresponding to something.
Lead tech: [urgently] Was there more to the Imagination Song? Ha, how does the rest of it go?
Stan, Kyle: Imaginaaaation. Imaginaaaa-
Kyle: No, no dude, it went up there.
Stan: Imagina-he-hey-
Kyle: Imagina-eh
Stan: [to General Deckter] Dude, we don't remember. It was really long and stupid.
General Deckter: I'm just about through playing with you boys! We're running out of time! You have to remember that song in its entirety! [Stan and Kyle look at each other.]
Scene Description: The Gumdrop forest. The Mayor is flat on his back, still alive, but with heavy blood loss. He gargles in trying to move. The Lollipop King and Butters gather around him.
Lollipop King: Mayor, Mayor, what are we supposed to do?
Butters: Please, sir. I have to get home to my world.
Fanciful Mayor: Oh, well. All you have to do is tap your heels together three times.
Butters: Really?
Fanciful Mayor: NO, you fucking dipshit, that was a joke! [groans for a few seconds more]
Snarf: Mayor, what are we supposed to do, shnarf shnarf?
Fanciful Mayor: Get to Castle Sunshine! It's your only hope!
Lollipop King: Castle Sunshine?
Fanciful Mayor: Through the Gumdrop Forest. Others will be hiding there; go, run! Look out for the evil characters! They're assembling on the Yum Yum mountain! [groans once more and dies]
Scene Description: The evil characters have gathered in a clearing in the woods of Yum Yum mountain.
Orc: We are free! Now all of Imaginationland is ours!
The Minotaur: Not all, foolish orc! There are still parts of Imaginationland we don't control.
Freddy Krueger: Tomorrow, we shall build our own castle right on this spot!
The Minotaur: Who put you in charge, Krueger?! I am the most evil character here!
ManBearPig: [half bear, half manpig] Nonsense! [somehow, he's been spliced together and brought to life] Your evil is stale!
Headless Horseman: [holding a flaming jack-o-lantern on his left hand] I am the most evil imaginary character! [Krueger hisses]
Squirrelly Squirrel: [hops into view] Now come on y'all. We shouldn't be fightin', we're supposed to all be on the same side. [the rest of the Woodland Critters arrive]
Critter: Yeah. You're all right, Squirrelly Squirrel.
Woodland Critters: Yaaaay!
The Minotaur: What evil imaginary characters are they?
Creature from the Black Lagoon: They were dreamt up by some fourth grade kid as part of his Christmas Story..
Squirrelly Squirrel: Now come on y'all. We can't waste time arguing, there could still be survivors out there. We need to hunt them down, and kill them.
Rabbity Rabbit: And eat their flesh!
Beavery Beaver: B'hut first we should rape them!
Beary Bear: How about we kill them, and then rape their bodies so we can use their blood as lubricant?
Squirrelly Squirrel: Say, that's a great idea, Beary Bear. [the Critters cheer and jump for joy]
Jason Voorhees: [to Khan in a campish voice] Man, I do not want to meet the kid that dreamt THOSE things up.
Scene Description: The Mall at Washington D.C., Day. Cartman has arrived and is on a pay phone.
Cartman: Look, I want some Goddamn answers! You brought my friend here to Washington! Where is he?! What is going on?!
Secretary: [at the Pentagon] I'm sorry, sir. That information is classified.
Cartman: Something is going on, and I have a right to know where my friend is!!
Secretary: [sees Tom arriving] There's somebody asking a lot of questions about what's going on.
Tom: Let me handle this! [takes the receiver] I'm sorry, but there is no such thing as Project Imagination Doorway! [listens] Imagination Doorway. It was started in the Sixties as a secret government project. Right.
Scene Description: The portal inside the Pentagon, day. Stan and Kyle rehearse the song, singing better on key than before.
Stan, Kyle: Imagina-a-ation, Imagina-
Stan: Waitwaitwait, maybe that's where he went really flat, like that half-step key change? Imagina-ation.
Kyle: Right, then it was "Imagina-ation, Imagina-ation. Imagina-atio-on" [the lights dim and the portal begins to glow. The boys are confused for a moment, then face the portal with the other people present]
Lead tech: It's open! It's open!
Operator: Getting readings from the other side... the, that's it. We've made an opening to our imagination, sir! [the officers and techs all cheer and hug each other. Stan and Kyle stand there, awed]
General Deckter: All right, that's enough! We've still got a lot of work to do, people! Its time to go in and get our imaginations under control!
Scene Description: The Gumdrop forest. Butters walks with Snarf and the Lollipop King along a multicolored road. Huge gumdrops line the road on either side
Butters: How much further to Castle Sunshine?
Snarf: Snarf, I'm not sure snarf snarf. I've never been. [a female scream stops them in their tracks]
Butters: What was that?
Lollipop King: [walks to his left into the woods] Over here. [the other two follow and peer over some bushes] Oh Christ. Its Strawberry Shortcake. [in a clearing, Strawberry Shortcake sits on a stump, tied up so she can't move. Many evil characters surround her, ready to do her great harm]
Strawberry Shortcake: Please, let me go. [the Headless Horseman kicks her] Wuh. [Frankenstein's Monster kicks her] Wuh! [an Imperial Stormtrooper smacks her around with his rifle] Dugh! [Jason walks up and put his knife under her eyes...]
Snarf: Oh my God! Snarf. [and scoops out her left eyeball.]
Strawberry Shortcake: Aaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!
The Minotaur: Now kill her!
Squirrelly Squirrel: [the Woodland Critters show up] Whoa whoa, hang on, y'all. You can't just kill her. That's not evil enough.
Freddy Krueger: What do you mean? We cut out her eyeball.
Jason Voorhees: Yeah, that's super hardcore.
Squirrelly Squirrel: Now come on y'all. We can do better than that.
Beavery Beaver: Hey! I know! Let's all pee in her empty eye socket!
Deery Deer: Let's make her eat her own eyeball, and then pee in her empty eyesocket.
Beary Bear: How about we get someone with AIDS to pee in her eyesocket, so she dies all slowlike? [the other Critters cheer at the idea]
The Minotaur: Nobody here has AIDS!
Woodland Critters: Awwww!!
Beary Bear: But we've got to have AIDS before we pee in her eyesocket!
Squirrelly Squirrel: Now don't be down y'all. I bet we can find some AIDS out in the forest. [the Critters scatter in renewed enthusiasm]
Lollipop King: Dude, run, run, ruuun! [Butters and Snarf leave quickly, and he follows]
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. Some army troops in camouflage arrive and the techs finish up preparations. General Deckter paces in front of the soldiers.
General Deckter: All right, men. We don't know what you'll experience on the other side of this doorway, but it will most likely be really weird. If you reach our imagination, you are to take every step necessary to get it under control! Are you ready?
Soldiers: Yes sir!
General Deckter: Are you ready, Kurt Russell?
Kurt Russell: [dressed in camouflage like the others] I... I don't understand why I'm here. I I'm just an actor.
General Deckter: Yes, but you were in that one movie that was kinda like this. That gives you more experience than anybody. All right, here we go! Men! Forwaaard!
Tech 1: Sir, we have a security breach!
General Deckter: What?!
Tech: There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert, sir-it's coming from Sector Two!
General Deckter: Sector Two?? [a large window at the far end of the room shatters as Cartman tumbles in, landing on his back. Everyone turns to see him]
Kyle: Cartman??
Cartman: [gets up quickly and marches towards Kyle] Hello Kyle! Thought you could get out of your responsibilities, huh?!
General Deckter: Who the hell are you?!
Cartman: That kid you have made a bet that if I could prove that I saw a leprechaun, he would suck my balls!
General Deckter: Get him out of here!
Cartman: [some guards seize him and begin to drag him away] No! Hold on a second! [they stop and let him go] I have a contract [holds it out] validated by the United States court system!
General Deckter: Let me see that! [a guard takes it from Cartman over to General Deckter, who reads it over] Why would you agree to suck someone's balls?
Kyle: I didn't think there was going to be a goddamned leperachaun!!!
General Deckter: All right, you two can go use the conference room. Go on, we have work to do here.
Kyle: [stunned] Wha?! Well wait, ahah I wanna see what happens here!
Deckter: You signed an agreement, kid. We don't have time for this. Go on and do it.
Kyle: [looks at General Deckter, than at Stan] Stan?
Stan: Dude, you did make a deal... [Kyle has run out of appeals and reluctantly follows Cartman out]
Cartman: Theee conference room is which way? [smiles]
Scene Description: Conference room, later. Cartman and Kyle sit facing each other.
Cartman: Here we are, Kyle. You tried to bail out on our agreement, but I found you.
Kyle: I didn't "bail," I got picked up by the government!
Cartman: Well we're here now, that's all that matters. [brings up a small cup of mixed nuts] Care for some nuts? Oh, that's right. I guess you'll be chock full of nuts in a few minutes.
Kyle: Cartman, do you even know what's going on? We went to Imaginationland, terrorists attacked it, and now the government is about to-
Cartman: [cuts him off with a loud yawn and hops off his chair] Oh jeez, I'm sorry, Kyle. [walks towards a tripod and sets a camera on it] It's just that I'm so completely bored by this story. See, I'm really only interested in the part where the leprechaun was real, and so you have to suck my balls.
Kyle: Okay, fine. You know what? Let's just get it over with!
Cartman: Oh nonono, nononot so fast, Kyle. [starts unzipping a duffle bag] I've waited a long time for this, and I intend to savor each and every second. [pulls out a purple robe]
Kyle: No, I'm serious! I wanna see what's happening downstairs, so let's just do it! [pounds the table with his left fist]
Cartman: [puts on the robe] Not... just yet, Kyle. There's still a few things I need to do. [pulls out a crown and turns to face Kyle] By the way, I should tell you that I haven't had a chance to shower while making my way up here. My balls are... [puts on the crown] extra vinegary...
Kyle: Just get to it already!
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. The soldiers move slowly towards the portal. General Deckter walks up to the lead tech
Lead tech: Entering the portal in five seconds.
General Deckter: Kurt Russell, can I get a comm check?
Kurt Russell: Check 1, 2.
General Deckter: Good luck men! Godspeed! [the soldiers walk up the ramp and through the portal] What do we have?! Kurt Russell, can you hear me?
Kurt Russell: [voice only] We're here. We're s-somewhere.
Tech 3: They are inside the imagination, sir.
General Deckter: What do you see in there?
Kurt Russell: There's lots of... big mushrooms, colorful grass, some castles in the distance, eh... Wait. Something's coming for us! It's coming out of the bushes and- [everyone braces for the worst] It's a-! ...Oh, Aw, it's just a cute little squirrel. [Everyone relaxes. Stan draws a sigh of relief] Hey, it talks, haha. The little squirrel talks.
Lead tech: Awww, an imaginary talking squirrel.
Techs: Awww.
General Deckter: Ask the squirrel what it knows about the terrorist attack.
Kurt Russell: Wait a minute, eh. The squirrel has friends. Oh why, why it's a whole bunch of woodland critters.
Stan: Wait, woodland critters... [begins searching his memory]
Kurt Russell: There's a talking bear and a beaver, uh... the, they seem to be Christmas critters. Well hello. Yes, hi.
Stan: Get them out of there!
General Deckter: What?
Stan: Tell them to get away now!
General Deckter: What's the matter?
Kurt Russell: Oh the... cute little bear's eyes are starting to glow red now... Uh hello there, little animals, do you happen to know how to huh? OW! AAAAAAAHHHH!
General Deckter: Kurt Russell, what's going on?!
Kurt Russell: They're raping mee!! They're raping meee!!!
General Deckter: Get out of there, Kurt Russell!
Kurt Russell: They're raping all of us! Whoaho! Oh it hurts! They're raping us and it huuurts! Waaagh!
Scene Description: The conference room. Cartman fine-tunes the camera position.
Cartman: I was thinking of using a high-speed shutter with a low depth of field. What do you think?
Kyle: Goddammit Cartman, will you stop wasting time? I wanna get this over with!
Cartman: No, you're right, Kyle. A higher depth of field will make sure everything stays in focus. [sets the depth] There we go. [smiles, then returns to his seat] Now, Kyle, when you're sucking my balls, are you gonna think about how right I was about the leprechaun, or are you just gonna try and focus on how rough and salty my balls feel in your mouth?
Kyle: Let's just do it!! [pounds the table with both fists]
Cartman: In time, Kyle. You certainly are eager for balls, aren't you? Are you ball-famished? Balls-starving? You see, Kyle, I wonder if at this moment you are actually- [a red alert interrupts him]
Guard: Everyone to the main hall now! Go!
Cartman: Uh, no, no, we're not done in here yet.
Guard: Everyone to the main hall now!! [Kyle heads for the door and out behind the security guard]
Cartman: No! Goddammit, no!
Scene Description: The Gumdrop Forest. Butters, the Lollipop King, and Snarf continue down the Rainbow Road.
Snarf: Boy snarf snarf, my feet are really gettin' tired snarf.
Butters: Aww, Sn-Snarf, could you maybe like sh-shut up for five minutes?
Lollipop King: Wait! There it is. We made it! [a rather impressive complex looms before them] Castle Sunshine! [they rejoice at the sight, but a hissing sound follows] Hurry! Get inside! [they run towards the castle]
Perseus: The evil imaginary characters are approaching! Lock down the gates! Prepare to fire the cannons! [more survivors walk in]
Butters: Wait! Waaait! [the trio reach the castle gate and Perseus stops them with his sword]
Perseus: What imaginary character are you?!
Lollipop King: The Lollipop King? From the Lollipop Forest?
Snarf: And I'm Snarf. Snarf, snarf snarf snarf.
Perseus: [to Butters] And what imaginary character are you?
Butters: Oh, uhh, uh I'm not imaginary. Ah I'm Butters.
Perseus: What's a "Butters"?
Snarf: The Mayor brought him and some other kids into Imaginationland just before the terrorist attack.
Perseus: So YOU came from the real world at precisely the same time as the terrorists! That seems like quite a coincidence!
Butters: I, well I was just playin' with my friends, and then, wu-we caught a leprechaun, and then this guy-
Perseus: You caught the Leprechaun? Take him!
Snarf: Perseus! He's not against us snarf snarf!
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. The portal has begun to act violently. Lightning shoots out from the portal and it changes color frequently. Everyone backs away.
General Deckter: Talk to me! What's going on?! [the guard comes in with Kyle and Cartman]
Lead tech: Something is... coming through the gate from the other side. [a few moments later, ManBearPig walks through]
Operator: What is it?!
Tech 4: Its like a... half man half bear!
Lead tech: And half pig! [ManBearPig grabs a tech and slams him against the portal's supporting wall]
Tech 5: Oh! No, no wait! It's like a half bear half manpig! [ManBearPig rips the tech's head off and tosses it towards General Deckter. Everyone scatters]
General Deckter: Look out! [ManBearPig jumps over and grabs the tech at both ends]
Lead tech: No! I think it's more like a half man, and half pigbear! [ManBearPig rips him in two at the waist]
General Deckter: Reverse the doorway! Send it back through!
Kyle: AAAHHH! [runs away, but ManBearPig scoops him up]
Stan: KYLE!! [a fading tech pushes the red button at his station as he drops to the floor. Lightning flashes into the room as a tractor beam pulls Stan into the portal. ManBearPig resists the pull, but crushes Kyle in its left hand for several seconds]
Kyle: AAAAAAAAAAAA- [ManBearPig lets go of Kyle as the tractor beam fiinally pulls it in. Kyle lays on the floor, blue in the face]
Scene Description: Castle Sunshine, inside. Perseus leads Butters, Snarf, and the Lollipop King down the main hall as two Tron soldiers escort them.
Butters: Please! I didn't help the terrorists get into Imaginationland! Honest!
Perseus: That is for the Council of Nine to decide!
Lollipop King: Don't worry, kid, the Council of Nine consists of some of the most highly-regarded imaginary characters in all Imaginationland
Scene Description: The meeting room. At a triangular table sit nine imaginary characters. On the left side of the table are Gandalf the Grey, Glinda the Good Witch, and Morpheus. On the right side are Zeus, Luke Skywalker, and Popeye the Sailor. Sitting on the third side with their backs to us are Jesus and Wonder Woman. At the opposing vertex sits Aslan the Lion
Aslan: Fellow Council, these are indeed dark times. The evil forces amass at our gates as we speak. Zeus believes we should evacuate.
Zeus: Yes. Their power outmatches ours. If they are giving us a chance to leave we must take it!
Aslan: And what say you, Morpheus?
Morpheus: How our we to know that they will let us go? Their offer could be a trap.
Glinda: Perhaps we must flee to the Temple of Alderon. Surely they wouldn't chase us there.
Jesus: [rises] No, we can't. Come on, you guys, this is our home. We have to fight, to keep it the way it was meant to be.
Luke Skywalker: I'm with Jesus. The evil characters aren't going to just let us go.
Popeye: [Says something, but it's unintelligible]
Jesus: That may be, Popeye, but we don't have a choice! [the doors open and the Council looks to see who's entering]
Perseus: Forgive my intrusion, Council of Nine, but this boy has infiltrated from the real world.
Aslan: Bring him here!
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. Paramedics have arrived to check on Kyle. One of them tries to resuscitate him with a defibrillator.
Paramedic: Clear! [sends power through the paddles. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No sign of life yet. The paramedic removes the paddles and announces] I'm sorry. He's gone.
Cartman: No! Kyle can't die. [gets on his knees and checks various parts of his body for a pulse]
Paramedic: I'm sorry, young man.
Cartman: Kyle?
Paramedic: Well... at least now he doesn't have to suck anyone's balls.
Cartman: [enraged] NNNOOO! [begins giving Kyle CPR] No, he has a strong heart! He wants to live! Come on, Kyle! Come on, buddy!
General Deckter: He's gone, little boy.
Cartman: [to the paramedic] Zap him again! [opens Kyle's coat and shirt for better contact] Do it!
Paramedic: Charging.
Cartman: DO IT! [the paramedic places the paddles back on Kyle's body] Come on buddy.
Paramedic: Clear.
Cartman: Come on buddy. [the paramedic fires away. Kyle rises, then falls softly. No sign of life yet.] Get out of here! [goes back to giving Kyle CPR. A woman covers her eyes in despair] Godammit Kyle, you never walked away from anything in your life! Now fight! [smacks Kyle around] Fight! Fight! Right now! [begins to break down] Fu-hight! Fu-hu-hight! [pounds Kyle's chest hard] Fight! [Kyle coughs, then comes to. Cartman begins to weep happily.] Give him some air. [an oxygen mask appears and Cartman places it over Kyle's nose and mouth.] There, easy. Breathe easy. [weeps softly some more]
Scene Description: The meeting room at Castle Sunshine. Butters now stands on a platform in the middle of the table
Aslan: I believe this child was brought into Imaginationland for a reason. Perhaps the Mayor knew something we don't.
Zeus: What are you saying, Aslan? That if we are to take back control, we might-?
Morpheus: Yes. If we are to take back control from the evil forces, this little boy might be the key.
Butters: Awww, I'm the key? Could I not be the key, Morpheus? I don't wanna be the key.
Luke Skywalker: If you ever wanna see your home again, little boy, you'll have to rise to this challenge.
Butters: But I, but I'm supposed to be at school right now, uh, and instead I got, I got Snarf and Popeye and Luke Skywalker all pissed off...
Aslan: It is a dark time for all of us, young boy. But know that if you believe in yourself, everything will turn out all right.
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. A large missile is being wheeled into place.
Tom: Sir? Are you sure about this?
General Deckter: We have no choice. Terrorists have attacked us where we are most vulnerable. There's no other option. [the missile is in place] We have to nuke our imagination. [the missile is lifted and tilted]
Scene Description: A hospital room. Kyle is resting. A few gifts lie near him. Cartman rises from under the bed with his crown and robe on and contract in hand
Cartman: Wake up, Kyle. [Kyle wakes up to a smiling Cartman]


Scene Description: Imaginationland. Recaps from the other two episodes follow. First scene: Arrival at Imaginationland
Aslan: [voice only] Imaginationland... used to be a happy place. But then the terrorists attacked. [a shot of a terrorist blowing himself up, killing many imaginary creatures] And so many of us were killed. [a shot of Santa on fire, then a shot of the Barrier falling apart] The Barrier came down, and all the most evil imaginary characters were unleashed. [the evil characters pour through the Barrier. Next shot is Strawberry Shortcake being kicked by the Headless Horseman, then by Frankenstein's Monster. Aslan now appears] Now our final battle will take place. The evil characters are marching toward us with the intent to wipe us all out. [various shots of evil characters on the march]
Beavery Beaver: This is gonna be fun, huh? [the other Woodland Critters whoop and holler]
Aslan: We prepare for a battle we cannot win. [a shot of Popeye honing swords, then a shot of Luke Skywalker handing swards to imaginary creatures. Totoro gets one, then a robot] Sweet and cuddly imaginary characters, many who have never held a weapon, [Donatello puts a helmet on Snarf's head. Wonder Woman hands a sword to a doll character] must now fight for their very lives. We are too few in number, [Mario takes a full-sized sword and walks away with it without a problem. Superman walks off with a battle axe. A smurf tries to take a sword, but has trouble moving it once it's on the floor. Another character takes a spear] but we have one hope. That is where you come in, young boy. [walks over to Butters as other members of the Council look on] Only you can help us win this battle.
Butters: Wuh, what can I do?
Aslan: You have a power here that you have yet to understand.
Scene Description: EPISODE III
Scene Description: Static appears on screen, then clears up to a security camera clip of ManBearPig attacking Pentagon officials after entering the real world through the portal. After ManBearPig rips the lead tech in two, the tape is halted
Al Gore: [voice only] Back it up! [the footage is rewound to the part where ManBearPig attacks the tech in blue dress shirt, then stopped.] Look! [points to ManBearPig] Right there! [the tape plays normally] See that?! [the tape stops again where the lead tech is ripped in two] What does that look like to you?! It's ManBearPig! [now onscreen wearing his Nobel Prize medallion] I told you it was real! [three officials watch him from a table in his office] Look again! [fast forwards, then stops when ManBearPig picks up Kyle] There! half man, half bear, and half pig! Do you see it?!
Official 1: Yes, we see it, Mr. Gore.
Al Gore: Something big is going on, and the American people need to know what! I'm off! [makes like he's flying away like Superman]
Scene Description: Washington D.C. Memorial Hospital, day. Kyle is resting in a room, and his doctor is in the hallway talking to another doctor.
Doctor: He's recovering, but there's been some trauma to his brain. The boy says he's been hearing imaginary voices.
Scene Description: Kyle's room. A closeup of him in bed
Stan: [in Kyle's head] Hello? [Kyle's eyes open and blink] Hello? Anybody? [Kyle's eyes dart around]
Kyle: Stan? [sits up and looks around]
Stan: Hello?
Kyle: Stan?
Cartman: [comes in smiling with a covered platter on a food cart] Good morning, Kyle. How are we feeling?
Kyle: Cartman, what's happened?
Cartman: What's happened? Well, let's see: You bet me that I couldn't prove that leprechauns were real. And if I could prove it, you had to suck my balls, I believe.
Kyle: No, I mean what happened at the Pentagon?!
Cartman: [smiles] You just rest, Kyle. [takes the lid off the platter] Look what I made for you. A sundae. It has hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry- [suddenly pondering] but... I feel like something is missing; don't you, Kyle? [taps his chin] What else belongs on a sundae besides hot fudge and whipped cream, [real softly] let's see
Kyle: Arh!
Cartman: Hot fudge, whipped cream, what else belongs on a sundae, Kyle? [turns towards the sundae] What else goes on a sundae besides hot fudge,whipped cream, and ...oh, that's right! [faces Kyle with a determined face] My balls!
Kyle: Cartman, what is going on out there?! What happened to Stan?!
Cartman: Oh, he got sucked through that portal thing and they're gonna nuke it now. [takes off his cap and begins to pull out yet another costume] So are you all set for your big photo shoot, Kyle?
Kyle: Wwait, what do you mean? Stan's in danger?
Cartman: [now in papal robes] Don't try to change the subject, Kyle. [puts on the papal tiara and pulls the camera and its tripod into place] You've done a really good job of getting out of this bet, but it's finally time to settle. Get ready for your sundae, Kyle. With extra nuts. [closes his eyes and smiles]
Scene Description: Castle Sunshine. Aslan stands guard on a bridge overlooking the fields outside the castle.
Jesus: [arriving with Perseus and the Lollipop King] Aslan, the evil characters are almost here!
Aslan: Get everyone to the battlefield! Defend the castle walls! Quickly young boy, we need your powers now!
Butters: What powers? Ah I don't understand.
Gandalf: You are real. You are a creator. That means you can imagine things into existence here.
Butters: I c-I can?
Aslan: Santa Claus was killed in the terrorist attack. The first thing we need is for you to bring him back.
Butters: How?
Glinda: You just have to focus your mind. Imagine Santa and nothing else.
Butters: How am I supposed to focus with all this crap goin' on?!
Luke Skywalker: Think only of one thing. Imagine it. Believe in it.
Gandalf: Whatever is most prominent in your mind will come to be. [Butters closes his eyes to focus, and soon something appears before him. He opens his eyes and sees his father]
Steven: [arms akimbo] Butters! [Butters cowers in fear] You are grounded, mister! You hear me?! [suddenly with a deformed leg, elfin ears, horns, and claws instead of fingers, and a deep voice] GROUNDED!
Butters: [runs around in circles and then shakes his head is disbelief] AAAAAAAAA! No, nonono, no no no! [Steven vanishes]
Aslan: [in Butters' face] What are you doing?! We need Santa!
Butters: I'm trying!
Wonder Woman: [arrives and kneels down next to him] Come on, kid, imagine Santa! Believe in Santa!
Zeus: You must believe in Santa!
Aslan: BELIEVE IN SANTA! RIGHT NOW!
Butters: GAA HAA!
Scene Description: Kyle's hospital room. Cartman has called in some workers to install a photo studio, consisting of a blue background with clouds, and a small platform with a throne on it. On the right arm rest sits the sundae. Two spotlights and light reflectors round out the setup. Cartman tests a remote control for the camera, and it works.
Cartman: Kevin, can I get some more bounce off that too, 'kay? Let's just go with a 5 6 8 split
Kyle: Cartman, will you shut up? I'm trying to find out what's going on.
Scene Description: Channel 5 Breaking News.
Anchorman: A new terrorist attack seems to have taken place. This time, in our imagination. [the footage of ManBearPig's killer rampage is shown, with the dialog cut out] Al Gore brought this video to the public's attention, sparking demands by everyone who wants to know exactly what's going on.
Scene Description: Pentagon Press Conference.
General Deckter: We were hoping to keep this quiet until it was all over, but, two days ago there was a terrorist attack on our imagination, and now our imaginations are running wild.
Reporter 1: Our imaginations are running wild and we weren't told?!
General Deckter: By attacking our imagination the terrorists have found our most vulnerable spot. And we've determined that the best course of action is to nuke our imagination.
Reporter 2: Is nuking our imagination really prudent?
Reporter 3: Aren't there other, more peaceful ways to get our imagination under control?
Reporter 4: Couldn't we trying sending Kurt Russell into a portal to our imagination to try and reason with the-
General Deckter: We tried that! And Kurt Russell was raped by Christmas Critters!
Reporter 5: ...A-ooch
Scene Description: Channel 5 Breaking News.
Anchorman: The Pentagon claims that because imaginary things are not real, the military doesn't need Senate approval to nuke them.
Scene Description: A protest in Washington D.C..
Hippie 1: That's bullcrap, man! You can't nuke our imagination!
Hippie 2: Don't nuke our imagination bro! WOOO!
Scene Description: Channel 5 Breaking News, commentary.
Anchorman: Mike, does the military have the authority to nuke our imagination?
Mike: Uh clearly they don't, Steven, and they're gonna have a big problem because state government has already set a precedent that imaginary characters are real. I cite a famous case of Cartman v. Broflovski in which a U.S. court found for the plaintiff who saw a leprechaun.
Anchorman: Yes, I believe the defendant had to suck the plaintiff's balls in that case.
Mike: That's right, Steven, yeah.
Scene Description: Kyle's hospital room. Kyle keeps watching. Cartman continues his preparations
Kyle: Oh for the love of God!
Stan: Hello? Can anybody hear me?
Kyle: Stan! Dude, is that you?
Stan: Kyle? Where are you? I, I don't see you.
Kyle: No, I'm not there. I'm at a hospital. I I'm hearing you in my imagination.
Stan: ...Oh that makes sense.
Kyle: Dude, what's happening?
Stan: [walking down the rainbow road] I'm in like a gumdrop forest. I just saw Strawberry Shortcake tied up and dead with pee in her eye. [some moaning horns are heard] Ha-hang on. I think something really big is about to go down.
Scene Description: The battlefield. The two sides appear, approaching each other. A man in only striped pants and shoes plays a horn
Lollipop King: The evil characters are here. [Jesus and Robin Hood join him, Jesus ready to fight with his sword]
Jesus: There are so many of them. HAAAAA! [lifts his sword to strike position as the other good characters crowd in. The two sides start fighting, and Waldo is impaled by both sides]
Scene Description: Jesus takes on Pinhead and decapitates him. As the battle rages, the six remaining Council members watch along with Butters
Aslan: There's no time left! You have to get control of your imagination and bring Santa back NOW!
Butters: Santa. Saaanta.
Luke Skywalker: Think. Jolly old Santa. Red suit, white beard.
Butters: Red suit, white beard... Ssssanta! [Poof! Santa appears, but he's horribly deformed. The toys in his toy sack are deformed as well. Butters screams and turns away]
Scene Description: Kyle's hospital room. Cartman is now on the throne, and Kevin is behind the camera
Cartman: How does that look? Can you see my balls and the sundae in frame?
Anchorman: [everyone turns to watch the TV] A shocking new development in the nuking of imagination!
Scene Description: The Supreme Court, outside.
Chief Justice: The Supreme Court has ruled with the military that imaginary things are officially not real, and therefore no approval is needed to nuke them.
General Deckter: Thank you.
Kyle: Oh no.
Chief Justice: This of course overturns any imagination-based verdicts in the past, including the famous Cartman v. Broflovski ballsucking case.
Cartman: ...What?
Steven: So it appears the military is ready to proceed with its operation, one they are calling "Operation Nuke the Imagination Through the Imagination Doorway."
Stan: Kyle? What's happening?
Kyle: The government is gonna nuke Imaginationland.
Stan: What?! You can't let them do that!
Kyle: What am I supposed to do?
Stan: Dude you have to stall them! [Kyle doesn't look too sure] Uh- ...uh oh, what is that? Hey! G-get out of here! Leave me alone!
Kyle: Stan? Stan?? [gets out of bed and puts on his clothes]
Cartman: Where are you going?!
Kyle: I'm going to try to save Stan and Butters from getting nuked!
Cartman: Okay okay, but you you have to suck my balls first real quick.
Kyle: No, I don't! The decision was overturned. [walks out of the room]
Cartman: [follows him out and watches him walk away] We had a DEAL KYLE!
Kyle: [walking towards the entrance] Yeah, that leprechauns were real! And the government just declared they AREN'T technically real, so I was right! It's over! I don't have to suck your balls!
Cartman: IT ISN'T OVER!! [Kyle turns to face him] It isn't over, Kyle! I have NOT waited this long to see you weasel your way out of this bet! Go ahead and go. But I swear on my life! Before this day is over! You, will, suck my balls! I SWEAR IT!!
Scene Description: Castle Sunshine. The battle rages on. Popeye punches Akuma away, then punches Khan away. Darth Maul whips out his double-ended light saber, but Popeye disarms him and punches him away. Morpehus lands a kick on Freddy Krueger.
Morpheus: [calling out to the Council members on the bridge] I need more spinach for Popeye! [Freddy gets up and swipes at him, sending him into the air and onto his back. A Tron soldier dispatches Jason Voorhees with a swing of his spear]
Tron Soldier: I-ee got one. I got him. [the Woodland Critters approach]
Beary Bear: Hey there. [the soldier turns around and Bear Bear blows his head apart with two laser beam blasts from his eyes. The Woodland Critters cheer him on. ]
Icarus: [flying in from the battlefield, lands on the bridge] We're losing the battle! There are simply too many of them!
Aslan: Then the day is lost.
Wonder Woman: Wait! Aslan, look! [Aslan looks over. Butters is thinking hard again, and Santa returns, as normal as he ever was. The Council members draw closer to Butters]
Santa: What? What happened?
Luke Skywalker: You did it, kid!
Aslan: Quickly Santa! They need you on the battlefield!
Santa: Huh? [discerns the situation] Oh, all right. [grabs a golden axe and leaps over the wall] Make way for Santa! [lands on the field below, then swings the axe at the Minotaur, who falls down. The axe stays buried in the ribs]
Aslan: Now you see your potential, young creator. But there is still much more we need from you if we are to win this day!
Scene Description: The Pentagon, day. Kyle arrives at a parking gate. Two armed guards are there, and three more guards are in the background in front of an entrance.
Guard 2: [sees Kyle and aims his gun at him] This area is restricted, little boy.
Kyle: Please, I need to talk to the people inside. They can't set off that nuke.
Guard 2: Get behind the line with the other protesters! [Kyle looks, and it's the same group he saw on television moments before]
Hippie 3: No nukes in our imagination, bro! Wooo! [the other hippies cheer him on]
Kyle: Uhn, you don't understand! My friend is in Imaginationland! I can hear him in my head!
Guard 2: You pot-smokin' hippies aren't gettin' through here, so back off!
Hippie 4: Stop that nuke!
Hippies: Stop that nuke!
Hippies and Kyle: Stop that nuke! [Al Gore appears out of nowhere, making like he's Superman about to land]
Al Gore: What's going on here? [no one says a word, and he "flies" around a bit more] The military has to do this! It's their only way to kill ManBearPig. ["flies" off]
Scene Description: Castle Sunshine. The battle continues. A pegasus fights a witch while a flying monkey does battle with the flying giraffe. On the bridge, Butters keeps imagining new characters into existence. A yellow furry archer appears and shoots an arrow right off the bat, then fires a second one
Aslan: Good, Butters. Now imagine some more archers on the castle walls!
Butters: Huwhoa! [Perseus appears on the bridge with a bad wound on his left arm]
Perseus: Aslan! We're losing the battle!
Robin Hood: [with a bleeding wound on his right arm] We managed to fight off the vampires and werewolves, but... now our troops are being shot down by the Cavity Creeps.
Aslan: Cavity Creeps?
Cavity Creeps: [cutting through the field with their cavity drills] We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth!
Wonder Woman: What can destroy the Cavity Creeps?
Perseus: Only Crest Gel with Tartar Control.
Aslan: [to Butters] Quickly! You must imagine a giant Crest Gel! [Butters thinks, and poof! There's a giant Crest Gel tube of toothpaste with arms and legs. Robin Hood and Perseus escort it to the battlefield]
Robin Hood: Yes!
Gandalf: His powers are getting stronger. We might just have a chance here.
Archangel: Aslan, we've captured a spy! He was sneaking around the Gumdrop Forest! [down from above comes the archangel with Stan]
Butters: Stan! [points him out to Aslan and walks to him] Hey look, I imagined Stan here!
Stan: No, no! I got sucked through Operation Imagination Doorway at the Pentagon.
Aslan: Project Imagination Doorway? [no one else has a clue either]
Gandalf: Never mind! The battle is almost won! We can deal with him later.
Stan: [stands next to Butters] No, no, you don't understand. There's a nuke. The government is about to level this entire place.
Luke Skywalker: What?
Butters: Wull why would they nuke Imaginationland?
Stan: So the terrorists can't ever use it against us again.
Aslan: We can get Imaginationland under control; the Chosen One just needs more time!
Stan: The Chosen One?
Butters: Yeah, it turns out I'm the Key.
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. The nuclear warhead is ready to be shot in.
Computer: [a female voice] Missile launch sequence initiated.
General Deckter: All right, people, I want this nuking done by the books.
Tech 1: Sir, we have a security breach!
General Deckter: What?!
Tech 3: There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert, sir-it's coming from Sector Two!
General Deckter: Sector 2? [The large window opposite the portal had been patched up, but cracks remain. Cartman crashes through the large window again, reversing the patches, and again lands on his back.]
Cartman: [gets up] What the hell do you think you're doing declaring leprechauns aren't real?!
General Deckter: What?
Cartman: You just can't declare that imaginary things aren't real! Who are you to say what's real?! Think about it: is blue real? Is love really real?
Lab Tech: Imaginary things are things made up by people, like Santa and Rudolph.
Tom: Yeah, and they detract from real things, like Jesus.
Tech 1: Maybe Jesus is imaginary too.
Tom: Ooooh, you'd better not say that! You'll go to hell!
Tech 7: It's possible that hell is also imaginary.
Tech 2: Uh so then, we're about to nuke hell... that's a good thing, right?
Personnel: [not all at once] Hell yeah, that's a good thing, yeah.
Lab Tech: What if heaven is imaginary? We'd be nuking heaven.
Tech 3: Yeah, but it wouldn't be real.
Lab Tech 2: So it'd be all right.
Cartman: Look, maybe they're all part of the same thing. Santa and Jesus and hell and- leprechauns. Maybe they're all real in the same wway, right?
Tom: Santa Claus and leprechauns are imaginary, but Jesus and hell are real!
Tech 3: Well then, what about Buddha?
Tom: Well of course he's imaginary!
Lab Tech 3: Awww, see? Now you're being intolerant, Tom.
Tech 7: Am I real?
General Deckter: All right, enough! Keep that kid out of the way and let's get back to the nuking at hand!
Cartman: [two guards haul him away] No! Leprechauns are real, Goddammit!
Scene Description: The Mall, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, day. Kyle sits on some steps moping.
Stan: [in Kyle's imagination] Kyle? Kyle, what happened?
Kyle: Nothing.
Stan: What??
Kyle: [stands up and moves around] Nothing happened! There's nothing I can do! [a man walking by looks at him for a few seconds]
Stan: Dude, you can't let the government fire off that nuke!
Kyle: They say they can do whatever they want because imaginary things aren't real!
Stan: Well you have to convince them they are real!
Kyle: No way, dude, then I'd have to suck Cartman's balls
Stan: Whatever it takes, you have to do it, all right?! [Kyle sighs] Hang- hang on, Kyle, Jesus wants to talk to you.
Kyle: Huh? [POV changes. The White House is seen in the distance]
Jesus: Hello, Kyle? This is Jesus.
Kyle: Oh boy...
Jesus: What seems to be the problem, my child?
Kyle: Jesus, I can't do anything. [a man walking down the steps stops to look, then continues walking.] I'm just a fourth grader going against the entire government. [Jesus falls silent] Uh, hello? Jesus?
Luke Skywalker: No eh, hey Kyle, this is Luke Skywalker.
Kyle: [dejected] Aah.
Luke Skywalker: Look, I know this seems like an impossible task, but do you remember when I brought down the Death Star. I m, I mean, that seemed impossible too, right?
Kyle: Yeah, I guess.
Luke Skywalker: Uh okay, now, now hold on, because Superman is here and he wants to say something. [Kyle rolls his eyes around]
Superman: Kyle, this is Superman.
Kyle: Hi Superman.
Superman: I know that saving people can be a big responsibility, but no matter what it takes, it's worth it.
Kyle: [subdued] I know.
Superman: You can do this, Kyle. How hang on, because Hercules wants to talk to you.
Kyle: Oh God...
Superman: Yes, God is here too. He's gonna talk to you right after Captain Crunch.
Scene Description: Castle Sunshine. The battle rages on. Jesus fights a Xenomorph, but to no effect
Jesus: Popeye, I need some help here! [a donkey wearing a sombrero walks by shooting at the Pac-Man monsters]
Lollipop King: [being choked by an Imperial Stormtrooper] Popeye is being killed by Christmas Critters. [sure enough, the Critters hump on Popeye as Foxy Fox pisses on his face]
Popeye: Gaw guguh, getskug off of me!
Beary Bear: [sees something and leaves the other Critters] Hey, what is that?
Scene Description: the battle ceases as Butters floats through inside a bubble, then resumes after he's gone
Butters: More spinach for Popeye! [ten cans of spinach appear before Popeye in a pyramid] Imagine an M60 for Jesus!
Jesus: [his sword turns into an M60 and the Xenomorph cowers] All right!
Aslan: [on the bridge] The boy is doing it! Everything is going to be okay!
Scene Description: The portal at the Pentagon. Just a little longer...
Computer: Missile launch in one minute.
Cartman: Goddamnit, you stupid assholes are going to ruin everything!
General Deckter: Prepare for launch...
Tech 1: Sir, we have a security breach!
General Deckter: What?!
Tech 3: There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert, sir-it's coming from Sector Two!
General Deckter: Sector 2? [Kyle crashes through the part of the large window that was left intact and lands on his back. Cartman turns around]
Cartman: Kyle?
General Deckter: The hell are you doing back here?!
Kyle: Listen, you don't have to do this! Our imaginations aren't running wild anymore.
General Deckter: Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?!
Kyle: You have to stop!
General Deckter: If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real. So why do you care what happens?
Kyle: Because I- [catches himself] I... Um... because I think... they are real. It's all real. Think about it. Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he... he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny and, a-and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of "real." They might be imaginary, but, but they're more important than most of us here. And they're all gonna be around long after we're dead. So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us. [Cartman begins a slow clap, then speeds it up. The techs in the room join in and soon everyone is applauding Kyle's speech]
General Deckter: Abort the sequence. [a tech flips the switch and the power to the missile is cut. The missile lowers to a resting state]
Cartman: So Kyle, imaginary things are real, huh? Guess that means I did win the bet after all. And you know what that means, Kyle. [gloats]
Kyle: Just let it go with your fucking balls, you fucking asshole!! Your friends have been in danger and all you care about it this stupid bet! Well I've decided, Cartman, even if we had a bet, that I am never sucking your balls, [forces Cartman to face him] you got that?! They can throw me in jail for the rest of my life, but I am [jab] never going to suck your balls, [jab] never!! So [jab] there!!!
Al Gore: [walking through the sliding doors] What happened?! Why hasn't the missile gone off?!
General Deckter: There's been an abort, Mr. Gore.
Al Gore: [moves towards the switch] No! ManBearPig has to die! [presses buttons randomly]
Tech 3: Oh Jesus no! [the portal activates and begins sucking everyone and everything into Imaginationland, including Cartman and Kyle... and the missile]
Scene Description: Imaginationland, the battlefield outside Castle Sunshine.
Lollipop King: That's it, Aslan! The evil characters have fled!
Aslan: The day is ours! [screams are heard and bodies fall from the sky. Aslan and the others look up. Many of them land on the battlefield. Kyle lands on the bridge, face down]
Stan: [approaches] Kyle!
Butters: [approaches Cartman on the battlefield] Fellas! Where'd you come from? [a whistling sound is heard and everyone looks up]
Zeus: What is that? [the missile comes down from the sky and blows up on the battlefield, killing everyone. The screen fills up with white ash. Moments later, Butters digs himself out of the ash and dusts himself off. He looks around and walks off to his left.]
Butters: Huh... [with nothing but white around, he concentrates real hard and soon Imaginationland returns. The Barrier repairs itself, and all the imaginary characters reappear]
Jesus: He did it!
Fanciful Mayor: [poof] Oh look, I'm back!
Luke Skywalker: Nice going, kid. [the other good imaginary characters congratulate him]
Fanciful Mayor: The evil characters! They're all behind the wall again.
Stan: Dude! How did you do that, Butters?
Butters: Well I just... used my imagination.
All: Awwww [everyone has a good laugh]
Cartman: You know, I really have learned a lot, you guys. What Kyle said about imaginary things being real and, Butters using his imagination? It makes me think that... well maybe we all have the power to make things a reality. [he begins to think hard, and an imaginary version of himself appears, wearing the crown and robe from before.] Why look, it's me. And... [thinks again, and an imaginary Kyle appears] And there's Kyle. And, what's Kyle about to do? [the imaginary Kyle drops out of view]
Kyle: Cartman, don't!
Cartman: O-hoo Kyle! What are you doing to my balls? OHO, look! It's Kyle sucking my balls! [the imaginary Cartman is a little shocked]
Stan: Dude.
Lollipop King: Oh my God.
Cartman: O-hoo Kyle, you are gobbling those balls, aren't you? I told you you would suck my balls before this was over, didn't I, Kyle?
Kyle: I'm not sucking your balls; that's imaginary!
Cartman: No- Kyle, I believe you said that imaginary things are real.
General Deckter: That's true. You did.
Cartman: Oh, look at you go, Kyle! Oho, you dirty girl! You LOVE those balls. [everyone but Kyle laughs]
Santa: Okay, Kyle, that's enough ballsucking. We need to get you boys home.
Kyle: I am not sucking Cartman's balls!
Fanciful Mayor: Whatever you imagine to be real, is real. [everyone cheers that remark]
Scene Description: Butters' room, morning. He's asleep.
Steven: Butters? [Butters opens his eyes] Butters!
Butters: [sits up] A-huh? What? Oh! It was all just a dream.
Steven: Come on, Butters, time to get up. [walks in with newspaper in hand]
Butters: Oh Dad! I had the craziest dream! I, I saved all of Imaginationland from running wild after a terrorist attack!
Steven: You WERE in Imaginationland, Butters! We've read all about it in the paper! The question is, what were you doing in Imaginationland when you were supposed to be helping your mother clean up the basement?!
Linda: You are grounded, mister!
Butters: [dejected] Ohhh. [becomes determined] Wait, I'm not grounded.
Steven: Oh yes you are!
Butters: Oh yeah? [focuses real hard, then opens his eyes]
Steven: That only works in Imaginationland! You're grounded! [backs out of the room. He and Linda leave, closing the door behind them]
Butters: [thinks a bit, then lies down again] Ahhh, shit.