Rachel Green: So who's idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Monica Geller: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, they took my idea!
Monica Geller: That was you?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay, here you go.
Gunther: Rachel, I made you a cocoa.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, are you guys okay?
Gunther: Are you all right?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan.
Chandler Bing: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me. Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincy's theory. Okay?
Ross Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Ross Geller: I'm gonna be on TV!!
Chandler Bing: No way!
Ross Geller: Yeah! They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's gonna film it!
Chandler Bing: Oh my God! Who's gonna watch that?!
Ross Geller: Thanks. You ready to go?
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Saw a girl with that vest.
Chandler Bing: Thanks.
Anchorwoman: While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys won't live to see the fourth of July. Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? 'Cause I was watching this ah, commercial on TV and man, those guys are cute!
Peter Becker: Hi!
Monica Geller: Hi! Hey, Pete you're back! Hey, check this out.
Peter Becker: Wow! Skates!
Monica Geller: Wow! You're a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was you're trip?
Peter Becker: Well...
Monica Geller: Oh, what'd ya bring me?! Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Peter Becker: Yeah, sure, that'd be great.
Monica Geller: Regular or decaf?
Peter Becker: Ah, which ever is closest.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Peter Becker: So ask me what I did today.
Monica Geller: So what did you do today Pete?
Peter Becker: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef.
Monica Geller: What?! Oh.
Monica Geller: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?
Rachel Green: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass?
Monica Geller: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me.
Rachel Green: And you're still not attracted to him at all?
Monica Geller: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from him? I-I-I-I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.
Rachel Green: Yeah, but Mon that's totally different. He was you're health teacher.
Monica Geller: Oh, please.
Monica Geller: What? Honey.
Rachel Green: Oh, I am, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday.
Monica Geller: Oh God, I'm so sorry.
Rachel Green: I know.
Rachel Green: Ow!!
Monica Geller: Oh God!
Ross Geller: Hey, you guys! Guess what?
Rachel Green: Got a job on a river boat?
Ross Geller: Y'know what I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore so...
Rachel Green: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point.
Ross Geller: Right.
Rachel Green: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like.
Ross Geller: You like it right?
Monica Geller: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. Ross! Ross! I'm kidding!
Rachel Green: Yeah, come here!
Monica Geller: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?
Rachel Green: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!
Ross Geller: Okay, good bye!
Chandler Bing: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, oh, about three months.
Chandler Bing: Okay, so I guess that's about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: I got you something! Open it! Open it!
Chandler Bing: Okay. It's a chicken.
Joey Tribbiani: It's cute, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler Bing: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lot's and lot's of love.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, well no problem there.
Chandler Bing: Easy Lenny.
Peter Becker: So? I mean have you thought about it?
Monica Geller: Okay. Here's the thing.
Peter Becker: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. What's the thing?
Monica Geller: I can't do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but umm, see you have these feelings for me...
Peter Becker: Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's-that's what you're worried about? If that's the problem, we've got no problem.
Monica Geller: Huh?
Peter Becker: No! Look, I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else. On my trip.
Monica Geller: Oh?
Peter Becker: Her name's Ann, she's a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.
Monica Geller: Oh, that's great! I mean I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Peter Becker: I guess you can.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Oh, this is incredible! Ohh! All right, y'know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and-and quit!
Peter Becker: All right.
Monica Geller: Okay. Can you give me a little push?
Peter Becker: Yeah, sure. Good luck!
Monica Geller: I'm quitting!! Woo-hoo! I'm okay!! I'm all right!!
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! That's exciting, you went to Japan, made up a woman.
Peter Becker: What?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm just saying, this woman, I mean she's fictitious. No?
Peter Becker: Why would you say that?
Phoebe Buffay: 'Cause you're still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so 'cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Peter Becker: You're good. You're good!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, I'm fairly intuitive and psychic. It's a substantial gift.
Peter Becker: Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her though?
Phoebe Buffay: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what?
Peter Becker: Thanks a lot.
Phoebe Buffay: No I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.
Chandler Bing: Okay, but this is the last time. With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-chickeeeen.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: How's she doing?
Chandler Bing: She?
Joey Tribbiani: Well yeah, don't-don't you think it's a she?
Chandler Bing: I don't know. I can't tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, anyway, I got to go change, I'm ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler Bing: Excuse me?
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Chandler Bing: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Chandler Bing: You don't think I get up when you get up?
Joey Tribbiani: Ohhh, here it comes.
Chandler Bing: Yes, here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I don't think so mister!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!
Chandler Bing: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
Joey Tribbiani: That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...
Chandler Bing: I know what you meant!! You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
Chandler Bing: I'll take her back tomorrow.
Joey Tribbiani: Do you think we'll get our three bucks back?
Ross Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? This blue suit, or this brown one?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one.
Ross Geller: Really?
Rachel Green: Oww!
Ross Geller: Wow! That aspirin dance really works!
Rachel Green: Oww!
Ross Geller: Oh my God, is that still...
Rachel Green: I'm fine, I'm fine.
Ross Geller: No you're not.
Rachel Green: Yes I am!
Ross Geller: Rach!
Rachel Green: Look, I'm fine. Watch. Look at that. Whoa-whoa!
Ross Geller: Okay, okay. Look, you have got to go to a doctor! Okay?
Rachel Green: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. It's a very big deal, there's a lot of people there I have to meet.
Ross Geller: And I'm sure you're gonna make a big impression. Hi! I'm Rachel Green. It's nice to meet you. Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Rachel Green: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, it'll still be broken then.
Ross Geller: Rach...
Rachel Green: But y'know, I could use a hand getting ready.
Ross Geller: Rachel...
Rachel Green: Look, either help me or go.
Ross Geller: Fine. I'll go.
Rachel Green: Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?
Ross Geller: Sure. I'll help you.
Chandler Bing: Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
Rachel Green: Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too?
Ross Geller: Ohh.
Rachel Green: Okay. Let's use this brush.
Ross Geller: Okay. This stuff?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Ross Geller: All right.
Rachel Green: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Ross Geller: Oke-dokey.
Rachel Green: Oh-ho!
Ross Geller: Sorry.
Rachel Green: Hey! That's just poking me in the eye!
Ross Geller: Sorry, I'm sorry. Close, close, close...
Rachel Green: Okay, just sweep it.
Ross Geller: I'm sweeping...
Rachel Green: Right.
Ross Geller: Sweep, sweep...
Rachel Green: Okay, now make it even, 'cause we don't...
Ross Geller: What? What?
Rachel Green: We don't want it-it to be too much, we want it to be subtle.
Ross Geller: No. No, y'know you don't, you don't wear enough of this. What?
Rachel Green: Since when, since when do you think I don't wear enough of this?
Ross Geller: Well I, close your eyes, I just think you're gonna like this a little better, 'cause, close-close...
Rachel Green: Blow it.
Ross Geller: Sorry. 'Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Rachel Green: Sophisticated like a hooker?
Monica Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey, guess what I'm doing tonight.
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Monica Geller: I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you.
Monica Geller: I know.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, I have to tell you something.
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: But I can't tell you.
Monica Geller: Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Monica Geller: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Does it have to do with Joey?
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Phoebe Buffay: No, but let's come back to that later!
Ross Geller: There you go! Good enough for your party, huh?
Rachel Green: Sure.
Ross Geller: Yep?
Rachel Green: Sure, I'll just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.
Ross Geller: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Rachel Green: Oh wait, Ross, would you just stay and help me get dressed?
Ross Geller: Sure, okay.
Rachel Green: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I don't want you to see me naked!
Ross Geller: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button?
Rachel Green: Yeah, but that was different. Y'know? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think it's weird.
Ross Geller: Rach, y'know I can see you naked any time I want.
Rachel Green: What?
Ross Geller: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woo-hoo!!
Rachel Green: Ross! Stop that!
Ross Geller: Ah, I'm sorry.
Rachel Green: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that any more!
Ross Geller: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. It's one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. Oop, oh yeah!
Rachel Green: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross Geller: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it will never happen... Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and I'm the king.
Rachel Green: Rosss...
Ross Geller: Come on, would you grow up? It's no big deal.
Rachel Green: All right. Fine.
Ross Geller: Yowzah!!!
Rachel Green: O-kay!! See what you did, I'm gonna be doing it by myself now. Okay?
Ross Geller: Aww, come on.
Rachel Green: That's it. Ow!!!
Ross Geller: Oh my God!
Rachel Green: Oh-ow!
Ross Geller: All right.
Rachel Green: Ow!
Ross Geller: Look...
Rachel Green: Ow!
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Ow!
Ross Geller: Rach?
Rachel Green: Ow! Ow!
Ross Geller: Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital. Okay?
Rachel Green: Okay, I do.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: I really do.
Ross Geller: Okay, I'm gonna get your coat and then I'll-I'll put you in a cab.
Rachel Green: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, you're not gonna come with me?
Ross Geller: Of course I am. I just have to make a call.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Ross Geller: Okay?
Rachel Green: Thank you. Oww!!!! God!
Ross Geller: What?! I wh-, what's wrong?
Rachel Green: I'm sorry, I just can't go to the hospital lookin' like this.
Monica Geller: Does it involve travel?
Phoebe Buffay: Noo!
Monica Geller: Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, wait, wait. Clogs, or claws?
Monica Geller: Clogs.
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Claws?!
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Phoebe Buffay: No!
Monica Geller: What is it?! What about Pete?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know!
Monica Geller: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me!
Phoebe Buffay: I can't!!
Monica Geller: Okay, I gotta go.
Phoebe Buffay: I, but you're so close! No!
Monica Geller: Okay, does it involve something to do with Pete's computer company?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, just go. You're never gonna get it!
Chandler Bing: I know. See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth, she's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Ohhh. Ahh! What are you doing?! I thought you were gonna take her back to the store today.
Chandler Bing: I did! But the store wouldn't take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out?
Chandler Bing: If they can't find a home for her, they kill her! And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, good, good, good, 'cause, good, 'cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Chandler Bing: Okay. And it's not just chicks y'know? It's all kinds of other animals!
Joey Tribbiani: That's horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
Chandler Bing: Thanks, I'm glad you see it that way.
Chandler Bing: Ohhh-hoo, funny story!
Monica Geller: I don't believe this! Wow, look at this refrigerator! It's gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! I'd be cold, but I'm always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners.
Peter Becker: So you like it?
Monica Geller: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much.
Peter Becker: Oh, you're welcome.
Monica Geller: Did you just smell my hair?
Peter Becker: Nooo. Uh-huh, no way. What? No.
Monica Geller: Oh God.
Peter Becker: What?
Monica Geller: You still have feelings for me don't you?
Peter Becker: Now, nooo! I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all.
Monica Geller: Pete.
Peter Becker: Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?
Monica Geller: No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's-it's really nice.
Peter Becker: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And I'm okay with that.
Monica Geller: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. That's why I can't take this job.
Peter Becker: What?
Monica Geller: And well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry.
Peter Becker: Okay, yeah. I mean... If that's, if that's really what you want, okay.
Monica Geller: Okay, bye.
Peter Becker: I'm sorry things didn't work out...
Monica Geller: All right shut up for a second and let me just see something. Oh, wow!
Rachel Green: Okay, you'd tell me the truth. Right?
Ross Geller: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Chandler Bing: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!
Ross Geller: That's a duck.
Chandler Bing: That's a bad duck!!! How'd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Ross Geller: Oh, it was, nah, well...
Rachel Green: What thing? What thing?
Ross Geller: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. Easy.
Chandler Bing: Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy!
Rachel Green: What thing? What is this thing?
Ross Geller: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Rachel Green: Oh my God!
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Ross, why didn't you tell me that?
Ross Geller: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Rachel Green: I cannot believe you.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: That is the sweetest thing, I just...
Ross Geller: You should get some sleep.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Ross Geller: So, I'll umm...
Rachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry I spoiled you're evening.
Ross Geller: No, that's, no, as long as you're okay. So I'll ah, I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel Green: Um-hmm, yeah.
Rachel Green: See ya.
Chandler Bing: What did you do?
Joey Tribbiani: What 'cha doing?
Chandler Bing: Having a swim.
Joey Tribbiani: What about the chick?
Chandler Bing: Chicks don't swim.
Joey Tribbiani: Are you sure?
Chandler Bing: I don't know. Should we try it?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure.
Chandler Bing: See, I told you they don't swim.
Joey Tribbiani: Wait. Give him a minute.
Chandler Bing: Noo! Oh, it's okay, it's okay, baby, baby, baby.


Rachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he's at Flimby's.
Rachel Green: What's Flimby's?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't remember the real thing.
Rachel Green: Okay. Hang up! That's it! Come on!
Phoebe Buffay: No! Rachel, that's what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don't get through, they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It's us versus them!
Chandler Bing: Ye-e-es!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Everyone: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
Monica Geller: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey Tribbiani: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross Geller: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.
Monica Geller: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler Bing: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross Geller: Uh, no, it's-it's just this person.
Phoebe Buffay: Like a date type person?
Ross Geller: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel Green: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey Tribbiani: But you said one.
Rachel Green: I meant, me plus one!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay. Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Ross Geller: All right, I'll see you tonight.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay, bye-bye!
Chandler Bing: Bye!
Monica Geller: Bye-bye!
Rachel Green: Okay, I need a date!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!
Everyone: Oh!
Joey Tribbiani: And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica Geller: Joey, what are you doing?! It's never gonna happen, she's seeing somebody.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.
Joey Tribbiani: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.
Chandler Bing: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
Monica Geller: Here you go. You can wear this.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks!
Monica Geller: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Ooh, I'm setting the phone down. But I'm still here! Just don't go anywhere I'm still here. Don't-don't switch or anything, 'cause I'm, I'm right here. Just one sec. One sec! One second!! Wait! One second! Just...
Monica Geller: Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: What?! Monica, I'm scared!!
Monica Geller: All right. Honey, that's-that's a sleeve. Okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Monica Geller: And! We also have speaker phone.
Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
Monica Geller: Okay, wait, you gotta hang up 'cause we're gonna be late.
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Phoebe Buffay: Yes!! Yes!! I'm the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.
Chandler Bing: Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Monica Geller: Of course not.
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Chandler Bing: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
Ross Geller: Hey, hey Rach!
Rachel Green: Oh, hi!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: How are you?
Ross Geller: Good.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Ross Geller: So it's looks like we're the first ones here.
Rachel Green: Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!
Ross Geller: Yay!!
Rachel Green: Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.
Tommy: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Cailin.
Ross Geller: And! Break!!
Rachel Green: Okay, uhh, I think I'm going to run to the ladies room.
Tommy: Okay.
Cailin: I'll join you.
Tommy: I'll get our seats.
Ross Geller: Okay. So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is awkward.
Tommy: Yeah?
Ross Geller: Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy: Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross Geller: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh...
Tommy: I think we're here.
Ross Geller: Oh! Yeah.
Tommy: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Okay. Uh, huh. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.
Man: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Man: Sure.
Ross Geller: Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh...
Man: Oh, well I thought that ah...
Tommy: Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didn't really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look you're surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!
Man: Uh, the usher told us to come...
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! Here! Hey man, you want the aisle?
Ross Geller: No, I'm good.
Chandler Bing: There he is!
Monica Geller: There's our star!
Joey Tribbiani: So, so, what'd ya think?
Chandler Bing: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey Tribbiani: I-I wasn't in that.
Chandler Bing: I know.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
Monica Geller: Hi!
The Director: Excuse me. Excuse me. Sweetheart! Come!
Chandler Bing: So that's the girl you like.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Ross Geller: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think he's baaad news!
Chandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.
Rachel Green: Oh, hi!
Lauren: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hey. Gosh, you look soo familiar.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Cailin: So. How'd you guys meet?
Peter Becker: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Monica Geller: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
Estelle Leonard: Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.
Estelle Leonard: How do you do. Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! Did they have representation?
Joey Tribbiani: No, they-they weren't in the play.
Rachel Green: We're not actors.
Estelle Leonard: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face and her chest I could really put something together.
Chandler Bing: Could I borrow it?
Cailin: Hi! Remember me?
Ross Geller: Hi! Yeah! Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think he's gonna snap.
Cailin: Ross, I'm gonna go.
Ross Geller: Go? Why?
Cailin: I don't know. Could be because I don't feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.
Ross Geller: But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.
Cailin: Good bye Ross.
Ross Geller: Uh, oh-ho bye.
The Director: Here we go people! Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la... Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey Tribbiani: Yes!!! Ha-ha-ha!
The Director: Kate Miller's awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is... Thank you, boys and girls, you've ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mother's crab cakes! Excuse me!!
Joey Tribbiani: Anyone mind if I save this?
Monica Geller: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, is the play over?
Monica Geller: Yeah. Where were you?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Monica Geller: You were the next caller five hours ago. You must be going crazy.
Phoebe Buffay: Nah. I kept myself busy.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, yeah. I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Are you okay?
Kate Miller: Fabulous.
Joey Tribbiani: Listen, drama critics they're nothing but, but people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate Miller: Become a drama critic!
The Director: I am hurt! A plague on both your houses!
Kate Miller: By the way, he dumped me tonight after he read my review.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, classy.
Kate Miller: Yep! I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Y'know I gave up a part on a soap for this!
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! Yeah I ah, I gave up a job too.
Kate Miller: Really. What?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. We'll stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
Kate Miller: Why the Post?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you didn't see the Post?
Kate Miller: No. You?
Joey Tribbiani: No. Why?
Kate Miller: So you really think those newspapers are just jealous of me?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, absolutely! You're talented and you're good looking.
Kate Miller: Oh, you're sweet and cute.
Joey Tribbiani: I know! That's why they trashed me!
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Kate Miller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: I, I don't get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
Kate Miller: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Joey Tribbiani: Kate, do you even like me?
Kate Miller: Of course I do.
Joey Tribbiani: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Kate Miller: I don't know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy... Why can't I just pick someone like you?
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks.
Kate Miller: You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, you're just so, you're so, so...
Joey Tribbiani: Okay. Okay, okay, hey. There we go, let's get your feet up there. Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. I'm gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. You're call is very important to us.
Monica Geller: Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours! Go to sleep, honey. Th-this isn't healthy.
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, I'm fine, and y'know why? 'Cause of all the riboflavin.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey! Didn't you have that outfit on last night?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! I stayed at Kate's, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see you're play. I swear you're play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. You're play is the next play is the next play I'm gonna see.
Monica Geller: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now we're like totally crazy about each other!
Monica Geller: Joey, you had the night!
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Monica Geller: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Joey Tribbiani: You-you think?
Monica Geller: Did you like learn about her family?
Joey Tribbiani: Two brothers, one died!
Monica Geller: Yes!!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah?!
Monica Geller: Oh!
Gunther: This is from the woman at the bar.
Chandler Bing: Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Gunther: Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
Rachel Green: What time is it?
Monica Geller: One.
Ross Geller: One.
Chandler Bing: 7:15. Watch doesn't work.
Rachel Green: Tommy's supposed to be here soon, we're going to lunch.
Ross Geller: Look. Look, I wasn't going to say anything to you, but... All right, I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.
Rachel Green: You don't?!
Ross Geller: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
Rachel Green: Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men.
Ross Geller: No, it's not just 'cause I'm jealous. I mean I'm not, I'm not, I'm not jealous, okay? It's... Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, banging his hands together!
Ross Geller: Okay, fine, fine. You don't want to believe me? No, that's fine.
Monica Geller: We're kidding!
Chandler Bing: Ross, don't. Ross!
Ross Geller: You don't want to believe me, I'm Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny...
Tommy: Whoa!!
Ross Geller: Whoa, sorry Tommy.
Tommy: What's in the cup, Ross?
Ross Geller: Umm...
Tommy: What is in the cup?!
Ross Geller: Okay, it's coffee.
Tommy: Ice coffee? Tell me it's ice coffee!
Ross Geller: It's-it's hot...
Tommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
Rachel Green: What's your favourite thing about summertime?
Monica Geller: Umm, going to the beach. When it stays light real late.
Rachel Green: Yeah...
Tommy: Hey!
Rachel Green: Tommyyyy! Say, what's your favourite thing about summer?
Tommy: Ooh, I don't know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Chandler Bing: Ohh, that's a good one.
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry! Sorry, I'm late; sorry, I'm late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
Stage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, let's go! Let's go!
Lauren: Vic! Where have you been, baby?!
Joey Tribbiani: Where's Kate?
Lauren: She got a job in L.A.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Lauren: I've been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? Where have you been? Vic?!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, ahh, go to the window. I'm wanna run down to the truck and show you something.
Lauren: What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Joey Tribbiani: When is she leaving?
Lauren: Tonight. What are you doing?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm coming up!
Tommy: Hey, mind if I use the phone?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I...
Chandler Bing: Why don't you use ours across the hall, 'cause she...has...problems.
Ross Geller: Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Tommy: Yeah, but you didn't.
Ross Geller: No, but it's-it's-it's hot!
Rachel Green: Ross, would you just stop it! It's getting really old.
Ross Geller: I can't believe no one believes me!
Phoebe Buffay: I do, I believe you.
Ross Geller: You do Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. But I also believed her when she said I was next.
Tommy: Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? Aww. Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's disgusting! God, you're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
Chandler Bing: Step away from the duck.
Tommy: Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Whaa!!!
Kate Miller: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Kate Miller: I'm soo glad I caught you, I couldn't find you before.
Joey Tribbiani: Wh-wh-what's going on? Wh-what's this about L.A.?
Kate Miller: They still want me for General Hospital.
Joey Tribbiani: But, but wh-what about us?
Kate Miller: Last night was wonderful. But I-I can't stay here just for you.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, so, stay for the museums!
Kate Miller: I'm sorry.
Stage Manager: Joey, onstage!
Joey Tribbiani: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, I'll go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
Lauren: Where are you Vic?
Kate Miller: Flight's in an hour. I-I gotta go.
Lauren: Vic! Vic! Vic!!!
Joey Tribbiani: In a minute!!
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess it is. Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick 'cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, you've got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, I'm gonna want to meet her.
Lauren: So long, Vic!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, it's been two days.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Ross Geller: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, it's has to be 800. 'Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Rachel Green: Phoe-be!!
Phoebe Buffay: Sorry, I'm so sorry, I will pay you back.
Chandler Bing: And yet, she's still not hanging up the phone.
Everyone: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine! Fine! Oh-oh!
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.
Monica Geller: Oh.


Joey Tribbiani: Hey, wouldn't be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler Bing: Or... Dick.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Ross Geller: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
Chandler Bing: Was it like a sneeze only better?
Ross Geller: No, no, I mean, I mean a thing on my body.
Joey Tribbiani: What was it?
Ross Geller: Well, I don't know, it's-it's kinda in a place that's not... It's not visually accessible to me, and I was hoping maybe you guys could-could help me out.
Chandler Bing: No!!
Ross Geller: Come on you guys, it's no big deal!
Chandler Bing: Whoa-heeeiiiiii-iiiii-ah!! Huh.
Ross Geller: Well what is it? Is it a mole?
Joey Tribbiani: No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ross Geller: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?
Chandler Bing: No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a...
Rachel Green: Hey guys! What's...
Chandler Bing: Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter.
Ross Geller: Ahhh.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, right.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, and then this is the coffee house. This is where I play my music.
Vince: Good deal.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, and these are my friends. People. This is Vince, Vince the people.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Vince: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Vince is a fireman.
Rachel Green: Wow! Have you ever rescued anyone from a burning building before?
Vince: 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler Bing: Well, y'know if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.
Vince: Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Chandler Bing: You're right, I know.
Vince: Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. See you Saturday.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Rachel Green: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.
Rachel Green: What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.
Joey Tribbiani: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Phoebe Buffay: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? Okay, no they don't.
Ross Geller: Hey guys!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: Well?!
Chandler Bing: Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Ross Geller: Well, he said there's definitely nothing to worry about, it's totally benign.
Joey Tribbiani: Well what is it?!
Ross Geller: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what? You should go to my guy, because when I went in there with my third nipple. He just lopped it right off. Y'know? So I guess I'm lucky. I mean not as lucky as people who were born with two nipples.
Ross Geller: At least they knew what yours was. Y'know, yours had a name.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Ross Geller: Yeah, that'd be cool!
Monica Geller: Pete's breaking up with me.
Everyone: What?!
Monica Geller: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from Atlanta, we need to talk.
Rachel Green: And?
Monica Geller: Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Monica Geller: Really?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.
Jason: ...and I know I'll never miss doing it, but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool knowing that you're making a difference in a kid's life.
Phoebe Buffay: That is so great! Oh, I... Oh my God!
Jason: Whoa!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!!
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
Phoebe Buffay: No! No!
Jason: No, no?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, we don't n-n-n-n-need a fireman, we'd, we'd like a good mechanic. Oh my God, here they come! Well, we gotta get out of here!
Jason: W-w-w-wait! Why?!
Phoebe Buffay: Well look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would date one. Okay?
Ross Geller: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. What are you doing?
Ross Geller: Just showing you my run-of-the-mill-slice-it-right-off third nipple.
Dr. Rhodes: Well that's not a third nipple.
Ross Geller: No?
Dr. Rhodes: First of all, it's on your ass.
Ross Geller: Well then, what is it?!
Dr. Rhodes: Wait a minute, hold it. Johnson! Will you come in here a moment?
Dr. Johnson: I'm with Hamilton!
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Monica Geller: I gotta go water Pete's plants. Y'know what, if he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Chandler Bing: Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe Joey and I should water his plants. If y'know what I mean.
Joey Tribbiani: Or ha-ha, we could go over there and pee on them.
Phoebe Buffay: ...and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Rachel Green: Well honey, then why don't you break up with one of them?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa-whoa. What ah, what happened to playing the field?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Rachel Green: So Pheebs, pick one of them.
Monica Geller: Yeah. Which one do you like more?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, Vince is great, y'know `cause, he's like a guy, guy. Y'know? He's so burly, he's sooo very burly.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, good, so there you go. Go with Vince.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.
Chandler Bing: Well sensitive is important, pick him.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh sure, go with the sissy.
Phoebe Buffay: Jason is not a sissy!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no-no, I meant Chandler.
Ross Geller: Y'know I have dinner plans!!
Dr. Rhodes: Thank you soo much for coming on such a short notice. Ladies and gentlemen, I've-I've-I've been practicing medicine for twenty-three years, and I'm stumped.
Everyone: Whoa.
Monica Geller: Okay, this is the den. All right, check this out. Lights! Whoa! All right. Less lights! Bad lights! Lights go away! Oh, see you just need to find the right command.
Ross Geller: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Monica Geller: No-no-no, that's a video-phone. But hey guys you're not supposed to be here, so please, do not touch anything.
Chandler Bing: I-kea! This is comfortable.
Rachel Green: This place is amazing.
Phoebe Buffay: God, that is the nicest kitchen.
Monica Geller: I know.
Phoebe Buffay: No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day.
Joey Tribbiani: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.
Monica Geller: Joey, put that down! Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone!
Peter Becker: Monica?
Monica Geller: I guess that's how.
Peter Becker: Hey Monica, how's it going.
Monica Geller: Oh it's umm, good! It's umm, it's good, just here watering the plants.
Peter Becker: Well don't forget that fiches over there by Rachel.
Rachel Green: Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!
Peter Becker: I see him, you guys are just the worst hiders ever.
Everyone: Hey Pete.
Joey Tribbiani: Hi, how ya doing?
Monica Geller: Ahh, Pete, the other day when you said you needed to talk, umm, just so I know, is it good news or bad news.
Peter Becker: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. Hey, how's it going?
Monica Geller: Oh no-no-no, it's still me.
Peter Becker: Ah, no it's not. I've got picture-in-picture here. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call you back later. Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you back.
Monica Geller: Oh, oh, okay umm, so I'll see you soon.
Peter Becker: Okay, I love you.
Monica Geller: I love you.
Everyone: I love you, love you.
Monica Geller: Okay. Well, it's good news. It's good news.
Chandler Bing: So, what do you thing the good news is?
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! Look at this! He wrote a check for 50,000 dollars to Hugo Ligrens Ring Design. Oh, sorry, what do you think the good news is?
Monica Geller: Oh my.
Rachel Green: Monica's gonna marry a millionaire!!!
Ross Geller: Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call Mom! Call Mom!
Pete's Mom: Hello.
Monica Geller: And that's Pete's Mom.
Rachel Green: Mon you definitely have to make it a theme wedding, and the theme could be, "Look how much money we've got!" Y'know, I mean you could put, you could put money in-in the invitations! You-you could have like little money place settings. And ah, you could start with a money salad! I mean it'll be dry, but people will like it.
Monica Geller: Would you stop? We've only been going out a couple of weeks, I mean we don't even know if he's gonna propose.
Chandler Bing: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or fourth date kinda thing.
Monica Geller: Well if-if that's what it is, then it's-it's crazy.
Ross Geller: Monica's right. We're talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she can't just rush into this.
Rachel Green: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!
Phoebe Buffay: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.
Chandler Bing: Oh, so you're going with the teacher, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, it's just Jason's so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive it's just better than having just like a really, really, really nice butt. Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
Everyone: Good luck!
Rachel Green: OH MY GOD!!! Sorry, I was just imagining what it'd be like to catch the money bouquet.
Phoebe Buffay: Excuse me. Umm, is Vince here?
Fireman: Oh sure. Vince?!
Vince: Yo!!
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! I didn't know you guys actually used those.
Vince: So, what's up?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, wow. This-this isn't gonna be easy. Umm, I don't think we should see each other anymore.
Vince: Uh-huh. G-good deal.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.
Vince: No-no it's okay. It's just that ah, I thought we had something pretty special here. And y'know I-I felt like you were someone I could finally open up to, and... That there's so much in me I have to share with you yet.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, I didn't...
Vince: I'm sorry, I can't talk. I'm gonna go write in my journal.
Phoebe Buffay: Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.
Ross Geller: Thank you, but I want to remove it Pheebs. I don't want to make it savory.
Monica Geller: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Ross Geller: Gimme this.
Rachel Green: Hi! Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't resist.
Monica Geller: Brides magazines?
Rachel Green: Yes, and I know that you'd say no if he asked you, but I'm sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you so would! Oh, you should get that anyway. Like for clubbing.
Monica Geller: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. I know it's a little sudden, and it's a little rushed, and it's totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesn't mean I can't. Right? I mean I'm-I'm crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Rachel Green: Oh my God.
Monica Geller: I know. I need more pie.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?
Rachel Green: You didn't break up with that fireman?
Phoebe Buffay: No, that was my way of telling you. Well, it turns out he's incredibly sensitive, he keeps a journal and he paints. He even showed me charcoal drawings that he drew of me.
Rachel Green: Wow!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, well he'd prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Monica Geller: So then, are you going to dump Jason?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone, and... Okay so Jason is sensitive, but now so's Vince Plus, Vince has the body y'know? So... It's really just about the math.
Phoebe Buffay: Jason?
Jason: Yeah, come on in.
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
Phoebe Buffay: Nah-ha!
Guru Saj: You must be Ross.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj.
Ross Geller: Listen, I got to tell you I've-I've never been to a guru before, so...
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, I've attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, let's take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. Come on, have a seat. Eeh, huh. As I suspected, it's a koondis!
Ross Geller: What's a koondis?
Guru Saj: I don't know, what's a koondis with you? Please, lie down! I've got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Ross Geller: I guess it's worth a try.
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see results-Whoa!! Clearly not the way to go!!
Ross Geller: What?! What?!
Guru Saj: We appear to have angered it.
Ross Geller: We?! We angered it?!
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a much stronger tool. Love.
Ross Geller: Oh God!
Guru Saj: Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to...
Ross Geller: Ow!!
Guru Saj: Oops.
Ross Geller: What was, what was that?
Guru Saj: Well it's gone.
Ross Geller: What?! How's that?
Guru Saj: It got caught on my watch.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Peter Becker: Lights. Uh, romantic lights.
Monica Geller: Ooh, nice.
Peter Becker: So ah, there was this thing I wanted to talk to you about.
Monica Geller: Oh, right! I completely forgot about that.
Peter Becker: Well ah, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I look at my life...
Monica Geller: Yeah?
Peter Becker: And I feel like I've conquered the business world, and I feel like I've conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
Monica Geller: Wow.
Peter Becker: There's one thing missing.
Monica Geller: What's that?
Peter Becker: It's time for me to conquer the physical world.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Peter Becker: Monica, I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica Geller: You wanna what?!
Peter Becker: I want to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion! It's the most intense physical competition in the world, it's banned in 49 states!
Monica Geller: What are you talking about?
Peter Becker: Okay, my trainer, Ho Chi, is teaching me a combination of Gee Koon Doe and Brazilian street fighting, I've even had my own octagon training ring designed.
Monica Geller: And I suppose you used a ring designer for that.
Peter Becker: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Monica Geller: My parents will be so happy.
Phoebe Buffay: "Crazy underwear, creepin' up my butt. Crazy underwear, always in a rut. Crazy under-wear..." Oh No! What is he doing here? All right, just keep playing, just keep playing. You'll get through this; you'll be fine. Okay, thank you. And, as always no one talk to me after the show.
Jason: Hey. I was...
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Jason: I was passin' by and I saw that you were playing tonight, it's kinda cool seeing you up there.
Vince: Whoa! Hey-hey! What's going on here? Who is this guy?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know, he just started kissing me. Get him! Get him, Vince!
Vince: What?!
Jason: What?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, okay, I've-I've been dating both of you, and it's been really horrible. 'Cause y'know it's been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didn't know how to chose, so... I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm terrible, I'm a terrible person. I'm terrible.
Vince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, it's okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.
Jason: Yeah, and neither did we. Give yourself a break.
Phoebe Buffay: Really?!
Jason: Yeah. I mean y'know, we haven't been going out that long. Come on, we haven't even slept together yet. Huh.
Vince: You haven't?
Jason: You have?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, this is none of my business.
Jason: I-I can't believe this! You-you've slept with him?!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Jason: Y'know Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real easy for you.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, that could've been really awkward.
Vince: You made him a candle light dinner in the park?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but I-I-I-I can do that for you, I'm gonna do that for you.
Vince: Uh yeah, I can't believe I ever went out with somebody who would actually have an open flame in the middle of a wooden area.
Chandler Bing: Everything's gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
Guru Saj: Hello, I am Guru Saj-Whoa!! That's supposed to be a duck right? 'Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. He's got a, he's got a really bad cough, and our vet, he can't do anything about it. Is there something you can do?
Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?


Chandler Bing: Do you think that there's a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And ah, as you're driving into town there's-there's like a sign, and it says "You're in Sample."
Monica Geller: Hey.
Everyone: Hey!
Rachel Green: How'd it go with Pete?!
Joey Tribbiani: Tell us!
Monica Geller: You're not gonna believe this. Okay, so I go over...
Billy: I'm sorry. Ex-excuse us. I'm sorry, it's a little crowded. Do you mind if we...
Robin Williams: Yeah, could you scooch?
Billy: Yeah, move over just a little bit.
Robin: Keep on scooching.
Monica Geller: So guys, listen, I go over there, and umm...
Robin: Why? Why?! What's wrong with me?!
Billy: What's the matter?
Robin: I have a feelin'... I, my wife is sleeping with her gynaecologist.
Billy: How do you know?
Robin: Well y'know, he's got access.
Billy: Yeah.
Robin: Y'know it's that feeling you get, y'know?
Billy: Like when you go bowling and you know you're in somebody else's shoes?
Robin: That's the one.
Phoebe Buffay: All right, so, so you went to Pete's...
Ross Geller: What happened?
Monica Geller: I...
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I don't know, maybe it's my wound.
Monica Geller: Forget it.
Billy: So it's-it's not heeled yet?
Robin: No-no, it's ooozing, oozing. Could you pass me the cream? Is there any-Oh, there's the cream.
Billy: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and nobody else.
Robin: What is it, Tim?
Billy: It's me, I've been sleeping with your wife.
Joey Tribbiani: So you're the gynaecologist?
Billy: Hey, I'm trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Robin: Ooh, Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? Would you-Give me this thing all right!! Enough! And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! Get away from me!!
Billy: Thomas, come back here!
Phoebe Buffay: So Monica, what were you gonna tell us?
Monica Geller: I have no idea.
Rachel Green: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Phoebe Buffay: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don't take his name.
Monica Geller: He didn't ask me to marry him.
Everyone: Ohh.
Phoebe Buffay: Well then definately don't take his name.
Monica Geller: He wanted to tell me he's gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
The Guys: Pete?!
Rachel Green: Why?! What is it?
Monica Geller: I don't know exactly. It's-it's sorta like wrestling.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh?!
Monica Geller: Yeah, but without the costumes.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Joey Tribbiani: And it's not fake, it's totally brutal.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, it's two guys in a ring, and the rules are "There are no rules."
Monica Geller: So you can like, bite, and pull people's hair and stuff?
Ross Geller: Yeah, anything goes, except ah, eye gouging and fish hooking.
Monica Geller: What's fish hooking?
Ross Geller: Huh, what's fish hooking... Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Joey Tribbiani: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, let's go out there and get 'em! Huh? And remember, there is no 'I' in team.
Chandler Bing: Yes, but there's two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Doug: You! Chuckles! What's your name?
Chandler Bing: Oh it's Bing, sir. I'm sorry , I was just ah...
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. This team is about hard work, but it's also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing!
Ross Geller: That's right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. Thank you. Yeah, we have the reservations.
Rachel Green: Yes!!
Chandler Bing: All right buddy, way to go!
Ross Geller: Dude, what are you doing?
Chandler Bing: Thank you! Today, my boss keep slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeesh, what'd you do about it?
Chandler Bing: Well, I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica Geller: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, maybe it's like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns.
Rachel Green: Y'know I don't, I don't understand guys, I mean I-I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by y'know, grabbin' her boob.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between 'em.
Monica Geller: Okay, can we please go eat?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. What are we getting?
Monica Geller: Anything but stew.
Ross Geller: All right so, Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, don't turn your back to him.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler Bing: What if Joey were president?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, hey Rach, can I ask you something?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
Rachel Green: Oh, ah with who?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, my friend, Bonnie. She just always thought Ross was really cute, and now that you two aren't together, she asked if I could set it up, but if you're not cool with it...
Rachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, which one is Bonnie again?
Phoebe Buffay: You remember her from my birthday party two years ago. She's yeah, like, average height, medium build, bald...
Rachel Green: Oh! That's fine.
Phoebe Buffay: Great! Okay, good for you!
Hoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?
Peter Becker: I told you, we're adding new operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?
Hoshi: It's just hard when I know I have e-mail I can't get!
Monica Geller: Hi!
Peter Becker: Monica! Hi honey.
Hoshi: All right, on the table.
Monica Geller: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I don't want you to get hurt, 'cause I kinda like you.
Peter Becker: Oh, believe me, I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this. See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Monica Geller: Promise me you'll be careful.
Peter Becker: I promise.
Monica Geller: Hey, are we still on for tonight?
Peter Becker: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Okay, good, 'cause umm, well maybe we could have a little workout of our own...
Hoshi: No! No boom-boom before big fight!
Monica Geller: How 'bout just a boom?
Rachel Green: Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?
Phoebe Buffay: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie.
Bonnie: Hi!
Rachel Green: This is Bonnie? This is Bonnie? You're Bonnie?
Bonnie: I can show you an ID if you want?
Rachel Green: Oh no, I'm sorry, you look a lot different from the last time I-I saw you.
Bonnie: Oh yeah, well I just started wearing bras again.
Rachel Green: Oh, that must be it.
Phoebe Buffay: Well I hope you have fun tonight.
Bonnie: Thanks! You too.
Rachel Green: You said she was bald.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, she was bald, she's not now.
Rachel Green: How could you not tell me that she has hair?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know, I hardly ever say that about people.
Rachel Green: Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Phoebe Buffay: Well I'm sorry, I thought you said it was okay.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I said what was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick. I mean, y'know, that girl has hair got all over head!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, maybe it won't work out. Maybe Ross won't like her personality.
Rachel Green: Why, does she have a bad personality?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, Bonnie's the best!
Doug: Bing! Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. Wham! Good one. That was a good one. Keep at it team.
Chandler Bing: What is with him?
Phil: With him? You're is favourite, you're his guy!
Stevens: We never get smacked.
Chandler Bing: Well, that's not true, he-he smacked you once.
Phil: Not on purpose, he ricocheted of you and got me.
Stevens: I'm telling you, I need some smacks. I got a kid starting Dartmouth in the fall.
Doug: Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?
Chandler Bing: No sir.
Doug: There you go.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Monica Geller: God Ross, what is that?
Ross Geller: Yeah, it's the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! He's known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Monica Geller: I love you, Pete!!!
Announcer: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! He's a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!!!
Monica Geller: Pete! Pete!! That guy's pretty huge!
Peter Becker: Don't worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponent's strength and weight against him.
Ross Geller: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
Ross Geller: All right! You go get him! Let's go!
Referee: Here we go gentlemen, here we go! Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's get it on!!
Peter Becker: Uh-oh.
Monica Geller: Hey! It's me. Mon-i-ca! Can I just tell you how proud I am of you.
Peter Becker: It would be nice after hearing 20,000 people chant "You suck!"
Monica Geller: I mean I-I thought you were nuts at first, but you-you did it. And now you can just look back at this thing with no regrets.
Peter Becker: What, look back?
Monica Geller: Well, you're not gonna get going are you?
Peter Becker: Well let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?
Monica Geller: Well, no. But...
Peter Becker: Well I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica Geller: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out!
Peter Becker: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dad's garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica Geller: You didn't know that already?
Peter Becker: Look, I'm gonna get better. Okay? I promise you.
Monica Geller: Okay, just get a lot better. Fast.
Peter Becker: Oh, one other thing. Hoshi thinks that you being ringside may have affected my concentration.
Monica Geller: Yeah. That-that was the problem.
Monica Geller: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hey! How long until Pete's fight?
Monica Geller: Oh, about five minutes. Right now they're interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Ross Geller: Hot dog?
Monica Geller: Four, please. I'm really nervous. Thank you.
Phoebe Buffay: So Ross, how umm, how did it go with Bonnie?
Ross Geller: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasn't expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, that's too bad!
Ross Geller: No, I-I'm saying I liked her.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, y'know what, there are other fish in the sea.
Ross Geller: Pheebs, I think she's great. Okay? We're going out again.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, I hear you! Are you capable of talking about any thing else?
Chandler Bing: Hey! Which one's my turkey burger?
Ross Geller: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, the fight's starting!
Ross Geller: Okay, we'll be right in. So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler Bing: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, it's gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow I'm conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Joey Tribbiani: Fight's over!
Chandler Bing: Excuse me, Doug? Hey there sports fan!!
Doug: Bing! You got those numbers for me?
Chandler Bing: No, I ah, I didn't do them.
Doug: Oh, you forgot?
Chandler Bing: No, no I just ah, didn't do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with a couple of friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly don't deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. That's okay, you're still my number one guy! Bing!
Chandler Bing: Doug!!
Doug: Hmm.
Chandler Bing: I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
Chandler Bing: No, no. It-it's not about the swearing, it's more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Doug: Oh?
Chandler Bing: Oh, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, it's making all the other guys jealous.
Doug: Well, say no more. Y'know it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! You're okay.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Doug: Ha! Ahhhhhhh!
Chandler Bing: Ahhhhh!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?
Rachel Green: Oh my God! Phoebe look, it's Ross and that girl.
Phoebe Buffay: No! No! Look at that! It's a line of ants! They're working as a team!
Rachel Green: Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Let's go.
Rachel Green: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay that's, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, that's what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no! That really is nothing, she is very sexually aggressive.
Rachel Green: Ohh! Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, he's gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
Phoebe Buffay: You said it was okay!
Rachel Green: You said she was bald!!
Phoebe Buffay: What?! What-what-what-what-what?!!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, we can't, we just can't just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I don't get it. Aren't you the one that decided that you didn't want to be with Ross?
Rachel Green: Yes.
Phoebe Buffay: Well isn't he your friend? Don't you want him to be happy?
Rachel Green: Yes.
Phoebe Buffay: So?
Rachel Green: I just y'know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, we killed them all.
Rachel Green: Oh!
Peter Becker: It's okay, it's not as bad as it looks, it's a precaution. Ah, I'm not supposed to move my spine.
Monica Geller: Please tell me you're stopping now.
Peter Becker: I'm fine! I'd fight tonight, if they'd let me. See this circle I'm marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Monica Geller: You are insane! You-you gotta give this up!
Peter Becker: I can't until I'm the ultimate fighter. I will do it. I'm telling you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman. Now, I'm not saying I could beat Superman, but y'know, kids are stupid.
Monica Geller: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!!
Peter Becker: Y'know I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adam's Apple, but that really hurt.
Monica Geller: Well then, y'know what? I care about you to much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then you're gonna have to do it without me.
Peter Becker: Well if you're asking me to quit, then you're asking me to be someone I'm not. I've got to do this.
Monica Geller: Then I've gotta go. Bye.
Peter Becker: Mon-Monica?
Monica Geller: Yes?
Peter Becker: Could you leave a note? 'Cause I'm on a lot of pain killers now, and I don't know if I'll remember this tomorrow.
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up , so I'm happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. Phil! Nice job. Stevens! Way to go! Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! Bing! Good job, couldn't have done it without ya.
Chandler Bing: Thank you, sir.
Stevens: Oh, excuse me. I forgot my briefcase y'know, by accident.
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! Well, what about you? You're not feeling left out or anything are ya?
Chandler Bing: No. No, not at all, that's-that's ridiculous.
Doug: Everybody else got one, and you want one too. Don't you?
Chandler Bing: Ye-ye-yeah, yes I do!
Doug: Now get on out of here, you!
Tv Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, he's just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Chandler Bing: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak!
Rachel Green: Oh, I can't watch this.
Joey Tribbiani: Check it out, he's winning! Pete's winning!
Monica Geller: Really?!
Joey Tribbiani: No-o-o!!
Tv Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
Everyone: Oh! Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: Wait, if that's his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Ross Geller: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete can't.
Everyone: Ohh!!


Chandler Bing: So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
Bonnie: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out.
Chandler Bing: Tell it again. Seriously.
Rachel Green: I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.
Monica Geller: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I think we all learned something.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! That's my Mom's writing! Look.
Chandler Bing: Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what that means?
Joey Tribbiani: That you're actually 50?
Phoebe Buffay: No-no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. Best Friends Forever.
Everyone: Oh!
Rachel Green: That is so cool.
Phoebe Buffay: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
Everyone: Yeah! Yeah, we can!
Bonnie: Shoot! I can't go, I have to work!
Ross Geller: That's too bad.
Rachel Green: Ohh, big, fat bummerrr.
Phoebe Buffay: So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Bonnie had sex there!
Monica Geller: Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.
Chandler Bing: You're not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
Monica Geller: Thanks!
Chandler Bing: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica Geller: Yeah right.
Chandler Bing: Why is that so funny?
Monica Geller: You made a joke right? So I laughed.
Chandler Bing: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
Monica Geller: Well, no. You're Chandler. Y'know, Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we weren't friends, say it's a blind date. I show up at your door, and I'm like "Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey."
Monica Geller: Well I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Monica Geller: Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food!
Joey Tribbiani: No, it's just my luggage.
Joey Tribbiani: Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Ross Geller: Yeah? What about ah, that bike messenger you hit?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, check out the hat!
Chandler Bing: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!!
Monica Geller: Seriously, where did you get the hat?
Rachel Green: Ross gave it to me.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I think she looks good.
Rachel Green: Ohh, thank you.
Chandler Bing: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?
Rachel Green: Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back.
Phoebe Buffay: And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
Ross Geller: Go, go, go!
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!
Phoebe Buffay: Oy!!
Monica Geller: What's with all this sand?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.
Ross Geller: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
Phoebe Abbott: Well, yes, it's kind've an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
Phoebe Buffay: Knock, knock, knock.
Phoebe Abbott: Ah, oh, hang on a second. Come in, come in. All right, so think about it, and call me back.
Phoebe Buffay: Are you ah, Phoebe Abott?
Phoebe Abbott: Ahh, yes.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi Phoebe Abott, I'm your best friends daughter!
Phoebe Abbott: You're Erwin's daughter?!
Phoebe Buffay: No, I-I mean your-your old best friend, here. Lily, from high school. Remember?
Phoebe Abbott: Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be?
Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe. Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you I guess.
Phoebe Abbott: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! There's Frank.
Phoebe Buffay: Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! That's my Dad, that's Frank! Yeah! I'm sorry I'm getting all flingy.
Phoebe Abbott: Take it easy-if you want, there's cookies on the counter, or, or-sangria! I can make sangria!
Phoebe Buffay: No-no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks.
Phoebe Abbott: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, so, umm, anyway umm, I've been, I've been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?
Phoebe Abbott: Oh no, I-I'm sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents. Everything.
Phoebe Abbott: Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname for the three of us.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, what? What was it?
Phoebe Abbott: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, no, it was great.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?
Monica Geller: What?!
Joey Tribbiani: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.
Everyone: No, no!
Monica Geller: What are you crazy?!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law!
Rachel Green: Allll done!
Monica Geller: Aww, thank you.
Rachel Green: Okay, who's next?!
Ross Geller: No-o-o! No way!
Rachel Green: Come on, please?! I'm boredddd! You let me do it once before.
Ross Geller: Yeah well, if ah, if that's the rule this weekend... No!
Rachel Green: Yes!
Ross Geller: Get away!
Rachel Green: Just once!
Ross Geller: Stay away!
Rachel Green: Take it like a man, Ross!
Ross Geller: No! No!
Rachel Green: Oh, come on!
Chandler Bing: Big bullies!!
Ross Geller: Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, so, how are we doing?
Chandler Bing: Bored and bored!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?
Everyone: Noo!!
Monica Geller: So what's Phoebe like?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like?
Monica Geller: Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Rachel Green: Really?!
Monica Geller: Oh well, where is he?!
Phoebe Buffay: She was acting, she was pretending like she hasn't heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look ! Isn't this what he would look like now?
Monica Geller: Totally familiar.
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah.
The Guys: Yeah!
Monica Geller: Well, why would she lie to you?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know, but we're having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, she's gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I don't know! So, you're all bored?
Everyone: Ohh!!
Chandler Bing: Yes!
Phoebe Buffay: All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, all right.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Fan out! Fan out!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Ooh, y'know we could just do this.
Chandler Bing: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.
Joey Tribbiani: OH YES!!!!!
Monica Geller: Strip Happy Days Game?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.
Ross Geller: Okay, Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited.
Ross Geller: Okay, come on! Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! Okay. Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
The Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!!
Joey Tribbiani: All right, relax. It's just a shoe.
Everyone: Wooooo!!!!
Rachel Green: Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!
Joey Tribbiani: Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.
Phoebe Buffay: Come on, take 'em off!!
Joey Tribbiani: Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Rachel Green: All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas!
Ross Geller: Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk?
Rachel Green: I'm just making margaritas.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Monica Geller: I think I'll help her out. What is going on here?
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: You painting his toenails?
Rachel Green: Oh, come on!
Monica Geller: Chasing him all around the room?
Rachel Green: Monica, please?
Monica Geller: He's totally flirting with you too.
Rachel Green: He is, isn't he? I don't know, I don't know, I mean maybe it's just being here at the beach together or, I don't know. But it's like something...
Bonnie: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey! Hi Bonnie!
Bonnie: Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train.
Ross Geller: Oh.
Bonnie: What are you guys doing?!
Joey Tribbiani: We're playing Strip Happy Days Game!
Bonnie: Cool! I'll catch up!
Chandler Bing: So, you still don't think I'm boyfriend material?
Monica Geller: Huh?
Chandler Bing: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
Monica Geller: You didn't even take off your pants.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, lucky for you.
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: I don't know.
Rachel Green: Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!
Phoebe Buffay: Shhh! Shhhh! Joey's asleep.
Phoebe Buffay: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
Rachel Green: Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Ross Geller: Good morning.
Everyone: Hey.
Bonnie: Hey! How did everybody sleep?
Rachel Green: Oh, great.
Monica Geller: Like a log.
Rachel Green: I'm going for a walk.
Ross Geller: Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
Bonnie: Hey, what happened to you?
Rachel Green: Oh, ah nothin'. I just felt like hangin' out here and reading.
Bonnie: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Rachel Green: Ohhhh, sorry I missed that.
Bonnie: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Rachel Green: Ohh-ha-ha!
Bonnie: I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
Rachel Green: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I just loved your look when you were bald.
Bonnie: Really?!
Rachel Green: Ohh!
Bonnie: Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime.
Rachel Green: Really?!
Bonnie: Yeah!
Rachel Green: I mean you definitely should do that.
Bonnie: Y'know what, I should do it.
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Bonnie: Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool.
Rachel Green: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!
Bonnie: All right.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me.
Rachel Green: Aww Pheebs, that sucks!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, don't "Aww Pheebs, that sucks!" me yet.
Chandler Bing: Where ya going?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.
Ross Geller: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, are any of those people here?!
Everyone: Oh, no!! No, no!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays.
Bonnie: Hey, everybody!
Everyone: Wow!!
Ross Geller: Wh-haa-haa! Look what 'cha did!
Bonnie: You wanna touch it?
Ross Geller: Nooo, but it, but it's great.
Bonnie: Come on, touch it!
Ross Geller: Okay. You can feel all the bones in your skull.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Ross Geller: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you!
Rachel Green: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.
Ross Geller: She said you gave her the razor!
Bonnie: Hey guys.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
Ross Geller: Ahh, no, I'm good.
Bonnie: Okay, I'll see you in a bit.
Ross Geller: Okay, have fun! Wooo!!
Rachel Green: Come on see, she doesn't look that bad.
Ross Geller: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!!
Rachel Green: I don't know.
Ross Geller: You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!
Rachel Green: All right! Ross, do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Ross Geller: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?
Rachel Green: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
Ross Geller: You still love me?
Rachel Green: Noo.
Ross Geller: You still love me.
Rachel Green: Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!
Ross Geller: Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
Rachel Green: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so...
Ross Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: I just, I feel, I-I just...
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I feel...
Chandler Bing: Noo!! I don't care! I'm not, I'm not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Joey Tribbiani: But I made cards!!
Rachel Green: Well! Good night. I'm going upstairs.
Joey Tribbiani: Wanna play strip poker for practice?
Phoebe Buffay: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. Oh, shhh!
Phoebe Buffay: No! No!! It's me! It's me! I-I didn't want to make any noise!
Phoebe Abbott: Then don't break in!!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.
Phoebe Abbott: What are you doing here?!
Phoebe Buffay: I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays.
Phoebe Abbott: What?!
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you're just mean! So, just tell me the truth!
Phoebe Abbott: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
Phoebe Buffay: My Father is Chuck Magioni?
Phoebe Abbott: No, no, that's just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And I'm very sorry, but I don't know where your Father is, and that's the truth.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Phoebe Abbott: But umm, you're right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, ahh, okay. I'm your mother.
Phoebe Buffay: Heh?
Phoebe Abbott: Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and...
Joey Tribbiani: I'm telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!
Ross Geller: That's not true! Her, she doesn't even know what she wants! Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.
Chandler Bing: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don't need that kind've hurt. Take it from a guy who's never had a long term relationship...
Ross Geller: I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!
Bonnie: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Ahhhh!
Bonnie: You guys, the water's great. You should really go in.
Chandler Bing: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
Bonnie: Okay, well g'night.
Ross Geller: Good night.
Bonnie: Don't be too long.
Ross Geller: Okey-dokey!
Chandler Bing: There is not one hair on that head.
Ross Geller: Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she-she's really fun, and she's cool, and-and I'm finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so , y'know? Y'know, and I'm finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesn't work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?
Joey Tribbiani: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?
Ross Geller: Hi.
Chandler Bing: Hi there.
Monica Geller: That's that weird voice again.
Chandler Bing: Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, you're gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!
Chandler Bing: Hi! I'm Dorf! You're date for the evening. Oh come on! Dorf on dating, that's good stuff!!