Joey Tribbiani: Okay, pick a card, any card. All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Monica Geller: Um-mm.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, give it back to me. 5 of hearts.
Ross Geller: Real magic does exist.
Rachel Green: Wow.
Monica Geller: Wow. Joey, how do you do it?
Joey Tribbiani: I can't tell you that, no.
Ross Geller: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
Rachel Green: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
Monica Geller: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Phoebe Buffay: Why don't you go up there and ask him to 'step lightly, please?'
Monica Geller: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, that is silly. I'll go up there, I'll tell him to keep it down.
Monica Geller: All right, be my guest.
Rachel Green: Good luck.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I'll show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. I just did it. I just did it, again. Here, I'll slow it down so that you guys can see it.
Everyone: Oh, I got it.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... .
Guy: Whoa, you are very beautiful.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, thank you.
Chandler Bing: Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Monica Geller: Honey, what's the matter?
Chandler Bing: I just saw Janice.
Everyone: Oh.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.
Joey Tribbiani: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Chandler Bing: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know...
Ross Geller: Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll feel better then.
Chandler Bing: Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you don't have to throw a party for me.
Monica Geller: It's Joey's birthday.
Chandler Bing: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
Monica Geller: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
Chandler Bing: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
Mr. Kaplan: How's that coffee comin,' dear?
Rachel Green: Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.
Mr. Kaplan: I'm not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.
Rachel Green: I know!
Mr. Kaplan: I'll bet your thinking, 'What's an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?' Eh?
Rachel Green: Op.
Mr. Kaplan: Eh.
Rachel Green: Oh, you got me.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, don't think I haven't noticed your potential. Well, I've got a project for you that's a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
Rachel Green: Oh, that sounds great.
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart.
Rachel Green: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.
Mr. Kaplan: I need these hangers separated ASAP. You're welcome.
Rachel Green: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.
Monica Geller: I know honey, I'm sorry.
Rachel Green: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it's remotely related to the field they're interested in.
Monica Geller: Gee, I don't know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!
Rachel Green: Oh honey, come on, I'm sorry, I didn't... I don't mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
Rachel Green: Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?
Guy: I'm sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah...
Rachel Green: It's not funny, this is actually my job.
Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I've been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.
Rachel Green: Oh well then, so I'm just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Guy: Ah, just one other thing.
Rachel Green: Yes?!
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale's and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
Rachel Green: Do you want my pickle?
Gunther: Hey guys.
Monica Geller: Hey Gunther. Hi. I mean you're going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he's very charming.
Monica Geller: I know, he's too charming, but if you two start going out, then it's just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, you're just gonna have to try.
Monica Geller: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, Chandler is supposed to be passin' 'em around...
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Hello-dillillio!!
Ross Geller: Oh, somebody's feeling better.
Monica Geller: Stick out your tongue.
Chandler Bing: Take off your shirt!
Monica Geller: Oh my!!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Rachel Green: The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: Hi! So I'm out having lunch at Monica's and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he's gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Ross Geller: Wow!
Rachel Green: I know!
Ross Geller: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Rachel Green: Uh-huh!
Ross Geller: And he's, he's a total stranger?
Rachel Green: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Ross Geller: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
Rachel Green: What!?
Ross Geller: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Rachel Green: To be nice.
Ross Geller: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey Tribbiani: No, only for sex.
Ross Geller: Thank you. So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?
Rachel Green: I didn't have to, because I was wearing my 'I heart Ross' sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Ross Geller: Uh-huh.
Joey's Sisters: Joey!!! Happy Birthday!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!
Chandler Bing: Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Monica Geller: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey's sisters.
Chandler Bing: Hi Joey's sisters!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Cookie Tribbiani: Hey. What are we drinkin' over here.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Cookie Tribbiani: No kiddin,' that's the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow. Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.
Sister 1: What 'cha doing?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
Joey's Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler Bing: No-no-no-no, no, it's a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can't we savor the precious moments? Those are some huge breasts you have.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Ross Geller: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.
Monica Geller: Isn't that great?
Ross Geller: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.
Monica Geller: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 'Hummina-hummina-hummina.'
Ross Geller: That's excellent.
Ross Geller: So, he's just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping him?
Rachel Green: Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him, but y'know, that's true of any job.
Monica Geller: How ya feelin'?
Chandler Bing: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, because I drank it.
Phoebe Buffay: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
Everyone: Woooo hoooo!!!
Chandler Bing: Ow, no 'woo-hooing,' no 'woo-hooing.'
Phoebe Buffay: Why, what happened?
Chandler Bing: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. Well, that's not the worst part.
Monica Geller: What is the worse part?
Chandler Bing: I can't remember which sister.
Ross Geller: You see what men do! Don't tell me men are not nice! This is men!!
Monica Geller: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he's actually going to kill you dead.
Chandler Bing: Okay! You don't think I thought of that?
Phoebe Buffay: How can you not know which one?
Rachel Green: I mean that's unbelievable.
Monica Geller: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross Geller: Which one is Gina?
Rachel Green: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica Geller: No, no, no, that's Dina.
Chandler Bing: You see you can't tell which one is which either, dwha!!
Phoebe Buffay: We didn't fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!
Chandler Bing: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Monica Geller: That was me.
Chandler Bing: Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I'm sorry.
Monica Geller: That's okay.
Rachel Green: That's all right.
Ross Geller: That's okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross Geller: Hey, Joey.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on!!
Chandler Bing: Why can't we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Joey Tribbiani: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Ross Geller: Ah, which, which one?
Joey Tribbiani: Mary-Angela.
Ross Geller: Mary-Angela.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Y'know which one was she again?
Joey Tribbiani: Why don't you ask Chandler, 'cause he's the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin' over Janice by groping my sister.
Chandler Bing: It's gotta be the first one.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? That's great! You and my sister, sittin' in a tree.
Chandler Bing: Yep, I'm in a tree.
Rachel Green: Did he call? Did Mark call?
Monica Geller: No honey, I'm sorry, but the weekend's not over yet.
Rachel Green: Oh. Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Monica Geller: I guess they're back from their date.
Rachel Green: Music. Very nice.
Monica Geller: Oh my God!
Rachel Green: So, how are you?
Monica Geller: I am good. I finished my book.
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Monica Geller: I don't remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
Rachel Green: Yeah, I do.
Ross Geller: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How's it going. This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. What the hell's a matter with you? How do you think Joey's going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Chandler Bing: Well, that's the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I'll be in Cuba.
Ross Geller: All right, look, look, you've got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Chandler Bing: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Ross Geller: Where in Cuba?
Chandler Bing: Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Joey Tribbiani: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Chandler Bing: I'm here to see Mary-Angela.
Joey Tribbiani: You are so the man! Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Where's Mary-Angela?
Joey Tribbiani: She's right in there.
Joey's Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
Rachel Green: I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's Sunday night, and he didn't call.
Ross Geller: Bummer.
Rachel Green: Yeah, right. Look at you, you're practically giddy.
Ross Geller: No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
Monica Geller: Wait a minute, why don't you just call Mark. I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you've got to make stuff happen.
Ross Geller: But, you, you don't want to seem too pushy.
Monica Geller: Honey, it's not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Ross Geller: What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Rachel Green: Yeah, and you don't mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
Ross Geller: That's right good things, that-that is what I said.
Rachel Green: Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green. Oh no, don't you apologize. Yeah, I'll hold. He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Ross Geller: That is so made up!
Rachel Green: Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it's perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! I got the interview!
Monica Geller: Yay!
Ross Geller: There you go.
Rachel Green: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Monica Geller: Oh, that is amazing!
Ross Geller: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd expect nothing less.
Rachel Green: I got to figure out what I'm going to wear.
Ross Geller: High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.
Rachel Green: Yeah! Right! Okay, I'll see you guys later. Woo hoo!
Ross Geller: You go get 'em. What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Monica Geller: What?
Ross Geller: 'Why don't you call him?!' Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Monica Geller: Are you crazy?!
Ross Geller: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
Monica Geller: What?! Ross y'know this isn't even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you're right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Ross Geller: No.
Monica Geller: I mean don't you trust her?
Ross Geller: Well, yeah!
Monica Geller: Then get over yourself! Grow up!
Ross Geller: You grow up.
Chandler Bing: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Joey's Grandmother: No! I did!
Chandler Bing: Well, it's, it's yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?
Joey's Grandmother: Of course! It's her favorite.
Chandler Bing: So um, Mary-Angela, what's your second favorite?
Joey's Grandmother: More of Grandma's teramisu.
Chandler Bing: Would you just please...give me the receipt 'cause this is great. It's top notch.
Joey's Grandmother: That dies with me.
Chandler Bing: So will I.
Joey's Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Chandler Bing: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn't mean anything.
Joey's Sister: Just do it.
Chandler Bing: Will you excuse me I have to um...
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey's Sister: Finally, I thought we'd never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party.
Chandler Bing: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. Um, I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Joey's Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
Chandler Bing: Ahhhh, you're not Mary-Angela.
Joey's Sister: No, I'm Mary-Theresa.
Chandler Bing: This is so bad. If-if you're not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?
Mary-Angela: I am!
Chandler Bing: Oh, this is soo bad.
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Chandler Bing: No Joey! No Joey! Don't Joey! Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: What's goin' on?
Chandler Bing: You're it! Now run and hide!
Mary-Theresa: It's no big deal. Chandler was just kissin' me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.
Joey Tribbiani: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Chandler Bing: I wasn't sure which one Mary-Angela was. Look, I'm sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Joey's Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
Everyone: Yeah! Punch him!!
Chandler Bing: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother's not going to punch me. Are ya?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you'd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler Bing: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you're my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Cookie Tribbiani: So what. I say, punch him.
Everyone: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!
Joey Tribbiani: No! No! No! No, I'm not going to punch Chandler.
Cookie Tribbiani: I'll do it.
Joey Tribbiani: No you won't. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he's sorry. But, you've got one more apology to make, all right, you've got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler Bing: Okay, absolutely!
Joey Tribbiani: All right.
Chandler Bing: You've got it.
Joey Tribbiani: Cookie, now you can punch him!
Chandler Bing: What?!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: What are you doing here?
Ross Geller: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I...
Rachel Green: Oh.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi.
Ross Geller: How'd did it go?
Rachel Green: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn't shut up.
Ross Geller: I'm so proud of you.
Rachel Green: Me too!
Ross Geller: Listen, I'm ah, I'm sorry I've been so crazy and jealous and, it's just that I like you a lot, so...
Rachel Green: I know.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Mark Robinson: Rachel?
Rachel Green: Yeah. Hi Mark!
Mark Robinson: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Rachel Green: Oh, I did!
Mark Robinson: Yes.
Rachel Green: Oh my God!!
Ross Geller: Congratu!! -lations-lations.
Monica Geller: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh well y'know.
Monica Geller: Yeah, I do know.
Phoebe Buffay: Ick, you were eavesdropping.
Rachel Green: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
Ross Geller: Maybe he's just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Ross Geller: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?
Joey Tribbiani: All right, that's it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! But, is he a big guy?
Ross Geller: Ah, we'll all go. Come on.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks you guys! Thank you.
Chandler Bing: Don't worry.
Phoebe Buffay: God, I hope they kick his ass!
Rachel Green: Honey, I'm sorry.
Monica Geller: Y'know if it's any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you.
Guy: May I help you?


Rachel Green: Okay. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.
Rachel Green: Tell him.
Ross Geller: It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Chandler Bing: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Ross Geller: Why?
Chandler Bing: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist.
Ross Geller: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks.
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Ross Geller: Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!
Chandler Bing: It must take you forever to find your keys.
Rachel Green: Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Phoebe Buffay: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Rachel Green: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.
Ross Geller: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?
Rachel Green: Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.
Ross Geller: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
Rachel Green: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. Is this actually a lunchbox?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Chandler Bing: Hey, so can you make it on Friday?
Ross Geller: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again?
Chandler Bing: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
Phoebe Buffay: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich. Why don't you get a magician?!
Chandler Bing: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
Ross Geller: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, he's really good looking. What am I gonna do?
Chandler Bing: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! Don't cry outloud.
Joey Tribbiani: Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?
Chandler Bing: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer.
Joey Tribbiani: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh I left My Heart in San Francisco.
Ross Geller: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Ross Geller: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.
Joey Tribbiani: Who?
Chandler Bing: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey Tribbiani: The what?
Chandler Bing: The abridgment.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, okay. The what?
Mark Robinson: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?
Rachel Green: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?
Mark Robinson: Twenty percent.
Rachel Green: Oh!! I love this job! Wow! My first call.
Mark Robinson: Here, let me. Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?
Ross Geller: Hi, is Rachel there?
Mark Robinson: And who may I say is calling?
Ross Geller: This is Ross?
Mark Robinson: Ross of...
Ross Geller: Of Ross and Rachel.
Mark Robinson: Oh hi. It's, it's Mark.
Ross Geller: Oh hey, hey Mark.
Mark Robinson: Hey, hold on a second.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Hi honey!
Ross Geller: Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone?
Rachel Green: Oh, he's just goofing around.
Ross Geller: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Rachel Green: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
Ross Geller: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?
Rachel Green: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do?
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you!
Ross Geller: Okay, bye-bye.
Rachel Green: Ow! Ross!!
Ross Geller: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing another number.
Jeannine: All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.
Monica Geller: Please, I'm not going for anything.
Jeannine: Well, if you don't, I will.
Monica Geller: Would you please go?
Jeannine: Night Mon. Night Julio.
Julio (poet): Adios.
Monica Geller: Look Julio, someone left their book here.
Julio (poet): Ah actually, that is mine.
Monica Geller: Oh yeah, what are you reading?
Julio (poet): Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?
Monica Geller: Have I read it? No, are you enjoying it?
Julio (poet): I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
Monica Geller: Your a poet and don't know it.
Julio (poet): Actually I ah, I am a poet.
Monica Geller: Oh, then you do know it. So um what kind of things do you write about?
Julio (poet): Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this lip.
Monica Geller: Mine? Right here?
Julio (poet): I can write an epic poem about this lip.
Monica Geller: How would that go? Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.
Joey Tribbiani: You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, you've got to pick a pocket or two...
Director: Lovely, just lovely.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? Thanks.
Director: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday.
Joey Tribbiani: Excellent, I'll be there.
Director: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.
Joey Tribbiani: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
Chandler Bing: ...three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, can you dance at all?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I can dance, y'know.
Chandler Bing: Oh no, no, no, no.
Phoebe Buffay: What, what is that?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.
Chandler Bing: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. Hello? Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Monica Geller: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita?
Monica Geller: It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.
Joey Tribbiani: Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.
Chandler Bing: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.
Joey Tribbiani: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?
Monica Geller: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out.
Joey Tribbiani: The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...
Chandler Bing: To yourself. Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good.
Monica Geller: Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.
Monica Geller: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, I'm not done.
Monica Geller: All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys.
Chandler Bing: Bye-bye.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica!
Chandler Bing: What, what, what?!
Phoebe Buffay: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Chandler Bing: You really think that is what he meant?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.
Joey Tribbiani: Done.
Mark Robinson: Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm...
Mark Robinson: Wh-what's that?
Ross Geller: It's from Ross, it's a love bug.
Mark Robinson: Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.
Rachel Green: Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.
Man: Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green?
Rachel Green: Yes.
Man: One, two, three...
Quartet: Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss.
The Bass Barber: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah.
Quartet: And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend...
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Quartet: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross... Ross!
Ross Geller: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!
Rachel Green: All right Ross!! I get it!!
Ross Geller: I mean my God...
Rachel Green: You're hurt!
Ross Geller: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!
Rachel Green: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Ross Geller: I would never do that!
Rachel Green: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Ross Geller: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.
Joey Tribbiani: Mark's a genius!
Ross Geller: Why?! How?! How is he a genius?
Chandler Bing: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Ross Geller: What am I going to do?
Chandler Bing: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Ross Geller: I don't know you guys.
Chandler Bing: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Joey Tribbiani: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
Chandler Bing: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
Woman: Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Mark Robinson: And wait, I've got something for you.
Woman: Mark!!
Mark Robinson: It's okay, Rachel knows.
Woman: Yeah, but even soo.
Mark Robinson: I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you.
Rachel Green: Ohhh! That is soo sweet!
Mark Robinson: Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.
Ross Geller: All right that's, that's it!! Get off her!
Mark Robinson: What is going on?
Ross Geller: What's going on?! That's what's going on!!
Rachel Green: Ross!
Ross Geller: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service?! Hi Rach.
Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.
Joey Tribbiani: So, does that mean the audition is off?
Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
Joey Tribbiani: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands.
Director: Have fun.
Joey Tribbiani: Bye.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: What are you wrapping?
Monica Geller: Oh-ho, look what I got Julio.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, it's a vase.
Monica Geller: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe Buffay: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
Monica Geller: What do you mean?
Phoebe Buffay: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh.
Monica Geller: So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?
Julio (poet): What?
Monica Geller: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Julio (poet): Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Monica Geller: You don't even know me...
Julio (poet): Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.
Monica Geller: What?
Julio (poet): The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you would think this.
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe...
Julio (poet): No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now?
Monica Geller: Oh yeah.
Director: All right, let's do it!
Director: No, no, no. What was that?
Joey Tribbiani: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
Director: Well, people!
Joey Tribbiani: People, people, people.
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. Show 'em how it's done. Count it off.
Rachel Green: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. See, she's fully dressed, right?
Rachel Green: Right.
Chandler Bing: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked!
Ross Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hello.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, I was an idiot.
Rachel Green: A big idiot.
Ross Geller: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me.
Rachel Green: Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now?
Ross Geller: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Gunther: Let it be me! Let it be me!
Rachel Green: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous.
Ross Geller: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Rachel Green: Where ya going?
Ross Geller: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.
Rachel Green: Ohh, with who?
Ross Geller: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Rachel Green: There was a woman at the... The stripper?!
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: You have a play date with a stripper?!
Chandler Bing: Man, I gotta get a kid.
Ross Geller: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Rachel Green: Sure, is she married?
Ross Geller: Ahh, no.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Ross Geller: Are you jealous?
Rachel Green: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own?
Ross Geller: You are totally jealous.
Rachel Green: I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I...
Ross Geller: Honey, I love you too.
Rachel Green: Ugh. Wait, wait, wait.
Ross Geller: What?
Ross Geller: Huh.
Rachel Green: Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, y'know.
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.
Man: Is there a Julio here?
Julio (poet): I am Julio.
Man: Mister Pretensous, you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.
Quartet: Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch.
Bass Singer: No one likes a buttmunch.
Quartet: And your also bad in bedd-edd-edd!.


Monica Geller: Hi.
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica Geller: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and, aww, it's 8:02.
Monica Geller: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you're gonna have to help me out here, 'cause I only have three.
Richard Burke: I can help with that.
Monica Geller: Oh my God. Richard? Hi!
Richard Burke: Hi!
Monica Geller: Wow! Your lip went bald. Hey, thanks.
Richard Burke: So, you look great.
Monica Geller: Right.
Richard Burke: No you do. You... just...
Monica Geller: What?
Richard Burke: You've got panties stuck to your leg.
Monica Geller: That's because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and it's static cling. Or maybe it's just that God knew I'd be running into you and saw an opportunity.
Richard Burke: It's good to see you.
Monica Geller: It's good to see you too.
Monica Geller: You see that guy? He's in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave he's going straight to the porn.
Richard Burke: He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. This is nice.
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Richard Burke: I missed this.
Monica Geller: Me too.
Richard Burke: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?
Monica Geller: Oh, um, I don't know if that's a good idea.
Richard Burke: Oh. Look, just friends, I won't grope you. I promise.
Monica Geller: No, I just I think that it's too soon.
Richard Burke: No it's not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, baby!
Ross Geller: What are you doing?
Chandler Bing: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?
Ross Geller: No thanks. I'm 29.
Rachel Green: Oh my God, I gotta go to work!
Ross Geller: Oh sweetie, when do you think you're going to get off tonight?
Rachel Green: Oh I don't know honey. It's gonna be really late.
Ross Geller: Oh come on, not again.
Rachel Green: I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll make a deal with you all right? Okay?
Ross Geller: Hmm.
Rachel Green: For every night that you're asleep before I get home from work...
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: I will wake you up in a way that's proved very popular in the past.
Ross Geller: Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.
Rachel Green: Right.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
Everyone: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that's he's going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Ross Geller: And what are you going to do for him?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm going to let him.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Cool.
Monica Geller: Morning.
Everyone: Hey.
Rachel Green: Somebody got in late last night.
Monica Geller: Yeah well, I ran into Richard.
Rachel Green: When did this happen?
Monica Geller: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent burger.
Ross Geller: So, are you gonna see him again?
Monica Geller: Tomorrow night.
Rachel Green: Monica, what are you doing?
Chandler Bing: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.
Monica Geller: It's not a date, okay. I'm just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you'll probably be hungry after the sex.
Monica Geller: We're not gonna have sex! Okay, nothing's changed here. He still doesn't want children and I still do, so that's why we're just gonna be friends.
Ross Geller: Naked friends.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Rachel Green: Do you have any ice?
Joey Tribbiani: Check the freezer. If there's none in there, then we're probably out. Are you just getting in from work? It's late.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
Joey Tribbiani: I discovered I'm able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.
Rachel Green: Hmm. Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.
Rachel Green: But ah, you're safe from it if it's in the freezer?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure we've got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.
Rachel Green: How often do you read it?
Joey Tribbiani: Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again?
Rachel Green: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean that's a classic, what's so great about The Shining?
Joey Tribbiani: The question should be Rach, what is not so great about the shining. Okay? And the answer would be nothing. All right? This is like the scariest book ever. I bet it's way better than that classic of yours.
Rachel Green: Okay. Ah, well we'll just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, and you will read Little Women.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, you got it.
Rachel Green: All right.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?
Phoebe Buffay: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Chandler Bing: Oh, hey.
Robert Bobby: Hi.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: You've have lipstick right here . That's okay, it's mine, we just kissed.
Ross Geller: Oh.
Chandler Bing: So ah, isn't a bit cold out for shorts?
Robert Bobby: Well, I'm from California.
Chandler Bing: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.
Chandler Bing: I'm up! I'm up, I've gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything?
Phoebe Buffay: I'll have coffee.
Robert Bobby: Yeah, me too.
Ross Geller: Yeah, make that three.
Chandler Bing: Okay Ross, why don't you come with me?
Ross Geller: Okay. What ah, what is the matter with you? What's going on?
Chandler Bing: Robert's coming out.
Ross Geller: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?
Chandler Bing: No. He...he's coming out of his shorts.
Ross Geller: What?!
Chandler Bing: The man is showing brain.
Ross Geller: Are you sure? Hold on. I'm sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a...
Robert Bobby: Coffee.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Robert Bobby: We could write it down for you?
Ross Geller: No, no, that won't be ah, that won't be necessary
Chandler Bing: Wellll?
Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Chandler Bing: What do we do? What do we do?
Ross Geller: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.
Chandler Bing: Like an eclipse.
Richard Burke: So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say?
Monica Geller: You say 'Thank you very much,' and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, we're gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we're gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Richard Burke: Ew, this feels very weird.
Monica Geller: You touch people's eyeballs every day and this feels weird.
Richard Burke: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. That's my hand.
Monica Geller: Oops.
Richard Burke: Okay.
Monica Geller: Gotta keep squishing.
Richard Burke: Tomatoes are squishing.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Richard Burke: Op.
Monica Geller: Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt.
Richard Burke: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it and it should umm, be...
Richard Burke: What?
Monica Geller: Umm, you've got some on your pants.
Richard Burke: I'll just throw them out.
Joey Tribbiani: These little women. Wow!
Chandler Bing: Your liking it, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her.
Ross Geller: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
Joey Tribbiani: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. Oh. You mean it's like a girl-girl thing? 'Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Chandler Bing: No, actually Laurie's a boy.
Joey Tribbiani: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hey! How'd the ah, basketball go?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer.
Chandler Bing: You mean a three pointer?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I get more because I'm dainty.
Robert Bobby: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?
Robert Bobby: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock.
Joey Tribbiani: What are you doing? Get back over on your side of the... Hello!! Hi, I'm Joey, we haven't met.
Robert Bobby: Ah, good to meet you. Robert.
Phoebe Buffay: What? What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? Why are you laughing?!
Ross Geller: Calm down. There's no reason to get testy.
Phoebe Buffay: You guys!! Come on!
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just seems that Robert isn't as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.
Phoebe Buffay: What do you mean?
Robert Bobby: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?
Robert Bobby: Sure.
Monica Geller: So, how'd the lasagne go over? Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about you too. I know. It's hard this whole platonic thing. It's a word!
Monica Geller: Yeah, I do think it's better this way. Yeah, we're being smart. Yes, I'm sure.
Richard Burke: You really sure?
Monica Geller: I'll call you back.
Monica Geller: So we can be friends who sleep together.
Richard Burke: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
Monica Geller: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies?
Richard Burke: Just your dad. Although that's actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sister's neighbour next Tuesday.
Monica Geller: Oh.
Richard Burke: You want me to cancel it?
Monica Geller: No! No!
Richard Burke: Okay.
Monica Geller: 'Cause if you do that means you'd be cancelling it for me, and we're just friends.
Richard Burke: Exactly.
Robert Bobby: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey. Ooh! Don't sit down!
Robert Bobby: You ready to go to the batting cage?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. And, first here's a gift.
Robert Bobby: Oh! Wow! Hey!
Chandler Bing: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!
Robert Bobby: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I don't think I can wear these, they're so tight, I feel like I'm on display. I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: That's all right, that's well, I figured...
Robert Bobby: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! How's it going?
Ross Geller: Good.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?
Rachel Green: Oh, Danny just went into room 217.
Joey Tribbiani: Oooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...
Rachel Green: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you're gonna ruin it!
Joey Tribbiani: All right I'll talk in code. Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
Chandler Bing: Hmmm, that's very cool.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make's blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Rachel Green: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!
Chandler Bing: I can't believe she cracked your code!
Rachel Green: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though she's still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.
Rachel Green: Eh. Beth dies.
Joey Tribbiani: Beth, Beth dies?
Rachel Green: Um-hmm.
Joey Tribbiani: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
Chandler Bing: No, Beth doesn't die, she doesn't die. Does she Rachel?
Rachel Green: What?!
Ross Geller: Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson?
Rachel Green: No. She doesn't die.
Joey Tribbiani: Then why would you say that?!
Rachel Green: Because, I wanted to hurt you.
Robert Bobby: Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.
Rachel Green: Oh my...
Robert Bobby: Got 'em.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Sorry. I'm sorry.
Monica Geller: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, in a grill fire.
Monica Geller: What are you smiling at?
Rachel Green: I'm sorry, I was just thinking you're day could still pick up.
Monica Geller: Yeah, right.
Richard Burke: Hello.
Monica Geller: I love this friend thing!
Phoebe Buffay: Listen, Robert's gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
Ross Geller: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: Please, right now, no, every time I see him it's like 'Is it on the lose?' 'Is it watching me?'
Chandler Bing: We can't tell him, you can't go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his... stuff.
Ross Geller: He's right, even if it's to say something complementary.
Robert Bobby: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Robert Bobby: So are ready for the gym? They've got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.
Phoebe Buffay: No, I can spot you from here.
Robert Bobby: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, listen Robert...
Ross Geller: Hey, don't we have to...
Chandler Bing: Yeah, we got, um-hmm.
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, I think you're really, really great...
Robert Bobby: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? Is it something I'm putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?
Phoebe Buffay: I-I-I-I-I don't know, I don't know what to say.
Gunther: Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.
Monica Geller: Ow!
Richard Burke: Really?! Well, it's just like everyone else's apartment. It's got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Richard's Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Richard Burke: Ah well, this is the living room.
Richard's Date: Impressive.
Richard Burke: All right. This is the kitchen.
Richard's Date: Oh, that's real pretty. Wait a minute, don't I get to see the bedroom?
Richard Burke: The bedroom. Well it's pretty much your typical... bedroom.
Richard's Date: We're still on this side of the door.
Richard Burke: Um-hmm.
Richard's Date: Yeah, but I didn't get to see it.
Richard Burke: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. Thanks for a lovely evening.
Monica Geller: So um, who was she?
Richard Burke: Oh, that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Monica Geller: Did you like her? And I'm just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.
Richard Burke: Well, you seem fine.
Monica Geller: Okay, y'know what, I'm not fine, I'm not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom... Y'know what, what if we're friends who don't see other people?
Richard Burke: You mean like exclusive friends?
Monica Geller: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.
Richard Burke: Wow. Y'know we're back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothing's changed.
Monica Geller: That's not true, you don't have a moustache.
Richard Burke: Okay, okay, one thing's changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.
Monica Geller: Y'know what, I've got to walk out of here right now, 'cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again.
Richard Burke: I know I couldn't. So...
Monica Geller: How 'bout one last game of racquetball?
Monica Geller: Watch the thorns!
Richard Burke: Ow!!
Rachel Green: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Beth is really, really sick.
Rachel Green: Awwww.
Joey Tribbiani: Jo's there, but I don't think there's anything she could do.
Rachel Green: Joey?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Do you want to put the book in the freezer?
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay.


Singer: 'Cause every time I see your face, I can't help but fall from grace. I know...
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! This girl is good.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
Chandler Bing: I like her.
Phoebe Buffay: Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Chandler Bing: Well, that's pretty much all I'm looking for from these people.
Monica Geller: Look at you. All jealous.
Ross Geller: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, she's more.. y'know, and you're more
Singer: beside meeeee-eeee-ee. .
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Singer: Okay, my next song's called Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn't Have Left You That Way.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, one of those 'look for the hidden meaning' songs.
Singer: Hey Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Leslie, how'd you know I'd be here?
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm...
Chandler Bing: All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I'd like know whether that's several big fish or just one big fish.
Joey Tribbiani: So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.
Phoebe Buffay: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, anything we might of heard of?
Leslie: Ah, yeah, umm. Home is never far away..
Leslie: Yeah, but, I don't do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldn't come up with anything good, so they fired me.
Phoebe Buffay: Hmm, bummer.
Leslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you'd want to get back together?
Phoebe Buffay: No. But thanks.
Leslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. No. But thanks.
Leslie: Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow, that was kinda brutal.
Phoebe Buffay: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y'know. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. Can I have a tissue, please?
Monica Geller: Yeah, sure.
Gunther: Someone in there?
Chandler Bing: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 'wait until the last moment before I burst and die.'
Chandler Bing: Jeez, man did you fall.. Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn't wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I'm-I'm talking to ah, . This is the part where you say your name.
Woman: Ginger.
Chandler Bing: Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger, so...
Ginger: Don't you have to use the bathroom?
Chandler Bing: Nope, nope, I'd just ah, I'd rather talk to you. Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.
Gunther: Someone in here.
Phoebe Buffay: Where's Chandler?
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, he can't make it, he said he had to his... Whoa-oh!
Ginger: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? You're hiding behind the coats.
Joey Tribbiani: Phew, close one.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi, sweetie!
Ross Geller: Hello.
Mark Robinson: Hi, Ross.
Ross Geller: Yeah, huh.
Rachel Green: I've got some bad news.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.
Ross Geller: Come on sweetie! You've had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
Mark Robinson: Actually, it's kinda my fault. I-I quit today.
Ross Geller: But work comes first! Oh hey, but that's sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Rachel Green: Nooo, he's leaving for a better job.
Ross Geller: Oh well that's great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? Good bye.
Mark Robinson: Okay, then.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Well we're gonna miss you around here.
Mark Robinson: Yeah, me too.
Mark Robinson: So, see ya on Saturday.
Rachel Green: Yeah, you bet.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Monica Geller: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That's the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Monica Geller: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.
Monica Geller: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.
Phoebe Buffay: You never run on a barge!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Is ah, is Chandler around?
Monica Geller: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Joey Tribbiani: Oooh.
Monica Geller: Yeah, Ginger something.
Joey Tribbiani: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn't something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?
Monica Geller: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, 'the movie star.'
Joey Tribbiani: Aww, man. That's the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he's my roommate, she's gonna tell him what I did.
Monica Geller: Well, what did you do?
Joey Tribbiani: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can't, I can't tell you that, it's like the most awful, horrible thing I've ever done my whole life.
Monica Geller: Y'know what, don't tell us. We'll just wait until Chandler gets home, because it'll be more fun that way.
Joey Tribbiani: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner...
Monica Geller: You gave her food poisoning!?
Joey Tribbiani: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!
Joey Tribbiani: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should've told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey Tribbiani: I ran!!
Chandler Bing: Well, that's the best kiss I've had with anyone I've ever met in a men's room.
Ginger: Actually, me too.
Chandler Bing: Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.
Ginger: Oh damn, I hate that.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, we're gonna have to get you out of those shoes.
Ginger: Oh, don't worry about it.
Chandler Bing: No, really you're gonna freeze.
Ginger: No, I'm not.
Chandler Bing: You're not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Ginger: Some day, maybe.
Rachel Green: Funny book?
Ross Geller: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying 'I'll see you Saturday.'
Rachel Green: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didn't mind.
Ross Geller: Oh, no, no, no, it's-it's not the lecture ah, I mind, umm...
Rachel Green: Oh, please tell me it's not because I'm going with Mark.
Ross Geller: Oh, well...
Rachel Green: Oh my God!!! Ross!!
Ross Geller: Well, I'm sorry, but ah, look if you're not working with him anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?
Rachel Green: Because, he's my friend.
Ross Geller: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...
Rachel Green: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Ross Geller: Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?
Rachel Green: I don't know, you thought 'See you Saturday' was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
Ross Geller: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.
Rachel Green: Really!?
Ross Geller: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion... monger.
Rachel Green: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. What?
Ross Geller: What should I wear, now I'm all nervous.
Monica Geller: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.
Phoebe Buffay: It's just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn't called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Monica Geller: Phoebe why don't you just call her? You obviously want to.
Phoebe Buffay: You think you know me so well.
Monica Geller: Well, don't 'cha wanna?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Okay, well I do know you.
Phoebe Buffay: That's what I said.
Monica Geller: Well so?
Phoebe Buffay: I can't. I can't. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 'Okay, bye Pheebs' gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I've ever had in like all my lives.
Leslie: My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Don't care what people say. My feet's best friends, pals to the end. With them I'm one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I...
Phoebe Buffay: I stepped in something icky.
Lecturer: We're beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink...
Ross Geller: I'm really glad we came. You're so pretty. I love you.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault.
Leslie: Wow, that's great.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah!
Leslie: Y'know you could totally sell this. It'd be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign.
Phoebe Buffay: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.
Leslie: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I'd be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Leslie: Aw, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: That's okay. All right, I'm gonna play song that's really, really sad. It's called Magician Box Mix Up.
Lecturer: ...oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.
Monica Geller: Hi!
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Monica Geller: Oh, can I borrow this? My milk's gone bad.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.
Monica Geller: So umm, how was your date with Ginger?
Chandler Bing: Great. It was great. She's ah, she's great, great looking, great personality, she's greatness.
Monica Geller: Sounds like she's got the ah, whole package.
Chandler Bing: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Monica Geller: Uh-huh.
Chandler Bing: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often it's like 'Hey, y'know what, where's your leg?' I mean I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? I'm the smallest person in the world.
Joey Tribbiani: Morning.
Chandler Bing: Actually he's the smallest person in the world.
Joey Tribbiani: Heard about the leg burnin' huh?
Chandler Bing: It came up.
Joey Tribbiani: Listen, I ah, I know it's a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?
Ross Geller: So I nodded off a little.
Rachel Green: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Ross Geller: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
Rachel Green: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he's 'Hey everybody! Remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years. Well there's this little bone we didn't know it had!'
Ross Geller: First of all it's Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly.
Rachel Green: Okay, see now, what I just heard, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Ross Geller: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Rachel Green: Oh, that is so...
Ross Geller: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island.
Rachel Green: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn't go with Mark?
Ross Geller: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don't know, I feel like lately, I feel like you're slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and you've got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it's dumb, but I hate that I'm not a part of it.
Rachel Green: It's not dumb. But, maybe it's okay that you're not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? I mean it's like, I-I-I like that you're not involved in that part of my life.
Ross Geller: That's a little clearer.
Rachel Green: Honey see, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it's-it's for me y'know, I'm out there, on my own, and I'm doing it and it's scary but I love it, because it's mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?
Ross Geller: Sure, I-I-I...
Ginger: Your thinking about my leg aren't you?
Chandler Bing: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
Ginger: It's okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is 'how much it bothers you?' because I don't like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?
Chandler Bing: No. No. I don't think so.
Ginger: Okay. It's just like anything else, you just have to get used to it.
Ginger: What's that?
Chandler Bing: That's-that's my nubbin.
Ginger: What's a nubbin?
Chandler Bing: It's kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.
Ginger: You have three nipples?
Chandler Bing: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... Ahh, what?
Ginger: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.
Chandler Bing: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?
Ginger: Ah well, it's nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I'll see you later. Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I thought you weren't coming. What? Where were you?
Leslie: Come here, come here. Okay, don't get mad, okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, don't give me a reason to get mad, okay
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Phoebe Buffay: No, look, I told you that I didn't want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would've done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can't trust you then just forget it.
Leslie: No, no, I don't want to forget it.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won't be partners. So what's it gonna be?
Commercial: Problem odour in the litter box? Don't change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
Monica Geller: Sorry, Pheebs.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. You okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life's gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Monica Geller: We'd love too.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. 'Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.' That's all I have so far.
Chandler Bing: Well hello!
Joey Tribbiani: Where have you been?
Chandler Bing: The doctor.
Ross Geller: Is everything okay?
Chandler Bing: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting.
Monica Geller: Wow! It's like Rachel in High School.
Rachel Green: What?!!
Monica Geller: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Chandler Bing: That was an obvious joke, and I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!


Joey Tribbiani: Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?
Monica Geller: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95.
Joey Tribbiani: Done.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey. I need an atlas! I need an atlas!
Monica Geller: Why? Do you have a report due?
Phoebe Buffay: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I don't know where his country is.
Monica Geller: Okay, let's start with the free messages outside the UN.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh!! That's my new thing. I figure bodies at peace, make peace.
Monica Geller: Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing. So what country is this guy from?
Phoebe Buffay: Ick-neck-tree-anis... There's a 'g' in there.
Monica Geller: Where's that?
Phoebe Buffay: In your atlas!
Monica Geller: I don't have an atlas.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Monica Geller: Oh, but wait I do have a globe.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Monica Geller: Hold on.
Joey Tribbiani: So Pheebs what's this guy like?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, well he's very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very sophisticated, and he doesn't speak any English, but according to his translator, he totally gets me.
Monica Geller: 'Kay, here you go.
Phoebe Buffay: What is this?
Monica Geller: It's a globe and, a pencil sharpener.
Chandler Bing: Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down to the Xerox place.
Monica Geller: Oh, no thanks.
Chandler Bing: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Monica Geller: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down there?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the belly button ring again?
Chandler Bing: Yeah! You wanna come?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah!
Chandler Bing: Come on Chloe! Finish up with your customer first. Come on Chloe! Come on Chloe!!
Issac: Can I help you?
Chandler Bing: Uh-oh.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, y'know what, we're having second thoughts about our copying needs. And we'll need a little more time to think about it.
Issac: Chloe, switch with me, there's some guys here that got a crush on you.
Chandler Bing: Okay, that hurt us.
Chloe: Hi guys. I haven't seen you since this morning.
Chandler Bing: Well ah, ...y'know.
Chloe: Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey Tribbiani: Both of us?
Chloe: Maybe. Does that scare ya?
Chloe: Relax. It's just Issac's D.J.-ing at the Philly. You should come.
Joey Tribbiani: We'll be there.
Chloe: Great. I'll ah, see ya then.
Chandler Bing: All right, rock on.
Sergei:
Mischa: He's says, 'Walking with you makes this strange city, feel like home.'
Phoebe Buffay: Me too. Although this city is my home, so. So that's dumb what I said, don't tell him I said that. Umm, you make something up. Nice, thank you. This is me. Here.
Mischa: Your eyes are very pretty.
Phoebe Buffay: Thank you, very much! Oh! Thank you!
Mischa: He would like to kiss you.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, y'know what, you don't have to do that now. No-no-no-no!! Not him, you don't! Well the moment's over.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Mischa: Oy!
Phoebe Buffay: See there it is right there.
Monica Geller: Wow! It's small.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Monica Geller: So you had fun, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Except for, y'know when you're on a date and you're getting along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way.
Monica Geller: No.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Ross Geller: What is ah, Rach in her room?
Monica Geller: Oh no, she's still at work, but she told me to tell you to call her.
Ross Geller: Oh what?! Is she gonna cancel on me again?! How can she do this? Doesn't she know it's our anniversary?
Monica Geller: All right ah, Ross, this is the extent of my knowledge on the subject. Call Rachel.
Ross Geller: What's that on the bottom?
Monica Geller: Oh that's my doodle of a ladybug, with a top hat. She's fancy.
Rachel Green: Hello.
Ross Geller: Hey, honey.
Rachel Green: Oh, hi.
Ross Geller: Hey, what's going on?
Rachel Green: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and I've got to get this order in. Honey, I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm gonna be here all night.
Ross Geller: What, do you, well umm, oh how about I come up there?
Rachel Green: No-no-no, no, honey please, I've got, I've just have so much to deal with.
Phoebe Buffay: Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again tonight, and um, could you come and be the translator's date? So that when we, it's time for our alone time, you two could split off. Y'know, he's really, he's kinda cute.
Monica Geller: Yeah, well kinda cute, like really kinda cute, or kinda cute like your friend Spackel Back Larry?
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, don't call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!
Chandler Bing: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time did Chloe say we should be there?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, 10:30.
Chandler Bing: What time is it now?
Joey Tribbiani: 4:30.
Chandler Bing: Yeah all right, so we'll hang out.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us?
Chandler Bing: Yes. Vividly.
Joey Tribbiani: She was kidding about that right?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I-I-I think so. Yeah, I-I think so...
Joey Tribbiani: God, that would be weird it that situation presented itself tonight, huh?
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, I don't know.
Chandler Bing: She was kidding.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: She was... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Y'know, because you don't want to be doing something and then look up and see something you don't want to be seeing.
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Good call, nice one. Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there...
Joey Tribbiani: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... y'know each would, y'know be?
Chandler Bing: Right. Right. Well ah, y'know we could flip for it.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess, but what's like heads and what's tails?
Chandler Bing: Well it you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you.
Rachel Green: No, no, no, I'm looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And... What does it matter, what I'm wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? Thank you. We're holding.
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: Oh!! My God, what are you doing here?
Ross Geller: Well you said you couldn't go out so...
Sophie: You brought a picnic, oh, what a boyfriend. That's it, on Monday I start wearing make-up.
Rachel Green: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Ross Geller: Yeah, but I got cous-cous!
Rachel Green: Honey, honey, I'm sorry, I know it's our anniversary but I told you on the phone I don't have time to stop.
Ross Geller: Okay, you don't have to stop, I'm invisible, I'm not here.
Rachel Green: But I don't, hmm... Oh, who approved that order?! Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. Get me Mark on the phone!
Sophie: I love Mark. Do you know Mark?
Ross Geller: Yeah!!
Rachel Green: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...
Ross Geller: Pepper?
Rachel Green: None for me.
Ross Geller: Okay sorry, whew.
Rachel Green: I'm sorry, as I was saying the store number is wrong, and I'm sorry but that's... Oh my God!!
Ross Geller: Okay, that's a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Rachel Green: Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call you back, I've got a Schemp in my office. What are you doing?
Ross Geller: I'm sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebody's off the phone, how 'bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again.
Rachel Green: Ross you're not listening to me, I don't have time to stop.
Ross Geller: Come on Rach, you don't have what, ten minutes?
Rachel Green: I don't have ten minutes!!
Ross Geller: What? Sophie, does she have ten minutes?
Rachel Green: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I don't!
Ross Geller: Don't yell at me okay, this is the most I've seen you all week.
Rachel Green: Look, I cannot do this right now, okay, I've got a deadline, would you just go home, I'll talk to you later.
Ross Geller: Yeah, but wait...
Rachel Green: Good bye!
Sophie: Actually, that's our three hole punch.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...
Ross Geller: No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed.
Rachel Green: I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me.
Ross Geller: For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?
Rachel Green: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!
Ross Geller: Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.
Rachel Green: But I told you, I didn't have the time!
Ross Geller: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Rachel Green: Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?
Ross Geller: No, but it'd be nice if you realised, it's just a job!
Rachel Green: Just a job!
Ross Geller: Yes.
Rachel Green: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...
Ross Geller: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore.
Rachel Green: Well neither do I!
Ross Geller: Is this about Mark?
Rachel Green: Oh my God.
Ross Geller: Okay, it's not, it's not.
Rachel Green: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.
Ross Geller: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.
Rachel Green: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.
Ross Geller: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something..
Rachel Green: No. A break from us.
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Chloe: Hey, it's the dinosaur guy. Hi, Ross.
Ross Geller: Oh, hi Chloe.
Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say 'let's Ross it!'
Chandler Bing: And that's the only colour that comes in.
Issac: Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
Chloe: Oh!
Chandler Bing: So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
Ross Geller: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, we're gonna break-up instead.
Monica Geller: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Why? What did I say?
Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! No wonder I get such great service at Cafe Maurice.
Phoebe Buffay: Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
Phoebe Buffay: You didn't say Boutros Boutros Gali.
Mischa: Boutros Boutros Gali.
Mischa: He says he was too.
Phoebe Buffay: Interesting.
Mischa: So I was wondering...
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, ah, before you get all talky again, umm, could you also please tell Sergei that I really like his suit.
Mischa: Eh, he said, thank you very much, he thinks you look very pretty tonight, your hair, golden like the sun. So you're a chef?
Monica Geller: I'm also thinking about opening up my own restaurant.
Mischa: Oh, really.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please. What are you doing?
Monica Geller: Well, I was having a conversation.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I haven't been able to say two words to each other.
Monica Geller: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three have a conversation?
Phoebe Buffay: That would be great. Thank you.
Rachel Green: Hello!
Mark Robinson: Oh, hi. It's Mark.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Mark Robinson: What? Is it my breath?
Rachel Green: No! Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else. Hi!
Mark Robinson: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isn't tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Rachel Green: Yeah. Well, umm...
Mark Robinson: Rach, are you okay?
Rachel Green: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mark Robinson: You wanna talk, I mean I can come over?
Rachel Green: No! Really, no, please, please, that's, that's okay.
Mark Robinson: All right, all right, I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food.
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, I'm not, I'm not hungry.
Mark Robinson: It's for me.
Rachel Green: Oh. Okay, bye.
Joey Tribbiani: So what are you gonna do?
Ross Geller: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.
Chandler Bing: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Ross Geller: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to wait a while?
Chandler Bing: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
Chandler Bing: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Chandler Bing: Why? What happened to him?
Joey Tribbiani: Nothing, he's just really believes in that.
Rachel Green: Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.
Mark Robinson: Wow. I'm sorry. Eggroll?
Rachel Green: No. And then I called him, and he wasn't there.
Mark Robinson: Well, then he's, he's probably just, out.
Rachel Green: Oh, thank you that's very helpful, I'm glad you came over.
Rachel Green: Hello.
Ross Geller: Hi! It's me.
Rachel Green: Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you called.
Ross Geller: Really? I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?
Mark Robinson: Hey, what do you want to drink?
Ross Geller: Who's that?
Rachel Green: Nobody.
Mark Robinson: Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Ross Geller: Is that Mark?
Rachel Green: Umm, honey, look he just came over to...
Ross Geller: Yeah! Got it!
Chloe: Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance.
Ross Geller: Ah, that's okay, thanks.
Chloe: Hey, you don't have to smile. You just have to dance.
Ross Geller: Look, I don't feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay?
Chloe: Oh, okay. Hey, two beers.
Mischa: And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Monica Geller: Oh. Can I have a tissue?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.
Mischa: Sergei, would like to apologise for my behaviour tonight.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, tell him, apology accepted.
Mischa: Oh, he's unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! You silly diplomat, why don't you learn some English, Sergei?
Phoebe Buffay: Excuse me, but umm, isn't he paying for your dinner?
Monica Geller: Hey, the man's dog just died.
Mischa: I have just resigned my post. Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I have diplomatic coupons.
Monica Geller: It will be my pleasure. My guy has diplomatic coupons. Your guy can't even say coupons.
Sergei: Uh, plate?
Phoebe Buffay: Plate! Yes, plate.
Sergei: Plate. Plate. Plate.
Phoebe Buffay: See, we don't need them.
Sergei: Plate?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Ross Geller: I like this song.
Chloe: Well, you're practically dancing already. Why don't you just do it over here?
Ross Geller: Oh, no, no.
Chloe: What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.
Rachel Green: Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, you're not home.
Chloe: Still no smile?
Sergei: Touchet, touchet, Miss Americccan pie. Ameri-ccan.
Phoebe Buffay: Ameri-can.
Sergei: Ameri-ccan.
Phoebe Buffay: Ameri-can. Y'know it's a very hard language. Let's do it again.
Sergei: Everybody!!