Rachel Green: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Ross Geller: I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
Joey Tribbiani: I need something sweet.
Phoebe Buffay: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
Everyone: Yeah, sure.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica your remote doesn't work.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh. Aw, forget it.
Rachel Green: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
Monica Geller: That's very nice.
Chandler Bing: That's sweet, Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.
Joey Tribbiani: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler Bing: Are you aware that you're still talking?
Monica Geller: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
Ross Geller: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
Ross Geller: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.
Chandler Bing: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
Rachel Green: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
Ross Geller: Oh God, no.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
Chandler Bing: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.
Nora Tyler Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
The Housekeeper: More turkey Mr. Chandler?
Ross Geller: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.
Chandler Bing: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
Phoebe Buffay: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying- Oh no.
Ross Geller: In this life, Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.
Joey Tribbiani: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories.
Phoebe Buffay: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.
Rachel Green: I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.
Monica Geller: Oh, let's not tell this story.
Everyone: Oh, come on!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
Rachel Green: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, it's not like it sounds.
Chandler Bing: It's exactly like it sounds.
Joey Tribbiani: Hello?
Phoebe Buffay: Hello?
Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: Joey? What's going on?
Joey Tribbiani: Look.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!
Joey Tribbiani: I know! It's stuck!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Easy. Step. How did it get on?
Joey Tribbiani: I put it on to scare Chandler!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!
Joey Tribbiani: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
Monica Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! Who is that?
Joey Tribbiani: It's Joey.
Monica Geller: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
Phoebe Buffay: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.
Monica Geller: Well, get it off now!
Joey Tribbiani: I can't! It-it's stuck!
Monica Geller: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
Phoebe Buffay: All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think.
Monica Geller: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. Joey? Now is not the time!
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry! Sorry.
Monica Geller: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!
Chandler Bing: Arghhhhhh!!
Joey Tribbiani: It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!
Chandler Bing: I'm over here big guy.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, you are! I scared you!
Chandler Bing: You did look like an idiot.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Ross Geller: Yeah that's the same.
Monica Geller: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?
Everyone: Which one?
Monica Geller: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.
Chandler Bing: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Monica Geller: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Judy Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here!
Monica Geller: I'll get it! Happy Thanksgiving!
Rachel Green: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
Monica Geller: Oh, why? Why? What happened?
Rachel Green: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over...
Monica Geller: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.
Rachel Green: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! Hi!
Jack Geller: Hi Rachel!
Rachel Green: Happy Thanksgiving!
Judy Geller: You too sweethart!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Jack Geller: Oh my!
Ross Geller: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Monica Geller: Ross!
Ross Geller: Oh, this is Monica.
Monica Geller: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Judy Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
Ross Geller: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
Judy Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.
Monica Geller: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
Chandler Bing: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.
Monica Geller: dammit!
Ross Geller: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.
Rachel Green: Oh! No, not really.
Ross Geller: Well, that's cool. So did...
Rachel Green: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!
Monica Geller: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
Rachel Green: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Ross Geller: Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for.
Monica Geller: Call them mom and dad you loser!
Ross Geller: Monica!
Monica Geller: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.
Monica Geller: Okay!
Rachel Green: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!
Monica Geller: Oh that's so great!
Rachel Green: I know!
Monica Geller: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.
Rachel Green: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
Monica Geller: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!
Rachel Green: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!
Ross Geller: So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week.
Chandler Bing: Emotional Knapsack?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.
Ross Geller: Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night.
Chandler Bing: Dude, don't do that too me!
Ross Geller: All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.
Chandler Bing: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
Monica Geller: No. No, thank you!
Jack Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!
Chandler Bing: I called you fat?! I don't even remember that!
Monica Geller: Well, I do.
Chandler Bing: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
Ross Geller: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.
Chandler Bing: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.
Rachel Green: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
Monica Geller: Yes, it was!
Rachel Green: No, it wasn't. It was actually the...
Monica Geller: Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!
Chandler Bing: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.
Judy Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Jack Geller: Hi Rachel.
Rachel Green: Oh hi!
Jack Geller: Wow, love your new nose!
Judy Geller: Jack.
Jack Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see?
Judy Geller: I'll get it.
Rachel Green: No, God! Please, let me!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jack Geller: God, your hair sure is different!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look.
Ross Geller: So uh, where's Monica?
Judy Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
Monica Geller: Hi, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Monica Geller: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress?
Chandler Bing: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!
Ross Geller: Dude!
Chandler Bing: Sorry!
Judy Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Ross Geller: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Monica Geller: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
Jack Geller: Dude!
Chandler Bing: Sorry.
Rachel Green: Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great!
Monica Geller: Well it didn't!
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Rachel Green: Okay, that we may be able to do.
Monica Geller: How?
Rachel Green: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
Monica Geller: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Rachel Green: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Monica Geller: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!
Rachel Green: Then, you will definitely get him back!
Monica Geller: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?
Rachel Green: Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on.
Monica Geller: What do you mean?
Rachel Green: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
Monica Geller: I can do that!
Rachel Green: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. Hey, what's up?
Chandler Bing: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Monica Geller: Umm, I'd love too! Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Monica Geller: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, my body.
Chandler Bing: Are you all right?
Monica Geller: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that-
The Doctor: What do we got here?
The Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.
Ross Geller: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
The Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.
Jack Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
The Doctor: Did you bring the toe?
Monica Geller: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice!
The Doctor: Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and-
Monica Geller: What?! What is it?
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
Chandler Bing: What?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel Green: You brought a carrot?!
Judy Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.
Monica Geller: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!
The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
Chandler Bing: Without my toe?! I need my toe!
Monica Geller: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
Jack Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Chandler Bing: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!
Monica Geller: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
Chandler Bing: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
Monica Geller: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail.
Monica Geller: Chandler!
Ross Geller: Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.
Joey Tribbiani: You're a dork.
Chandler Bing: I can't believe this.
Monica Geller: Chandler, I said I was sorry.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.
Monica Geller: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while.
Chandler Bing: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I'm happy all the time!
Chandler Bing: Nice try.
Monica Geller: Wait, wait, wait!
Chandler Bing: Look, Monica...
Monica Geller: Look!
Chandler Bing: This is not going to work.
Monica Geller: I bet this will work!
Chandler Bing: You are so great! I love you!
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Monica Geller: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Chandler Bing: No I didn't!
Monica Geller: Yes, you did!
Chandler Bing: No I didn't!
Monica Geller: You love me!
Chandler Bing: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Phoebe Buffay: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! Whew! This is getting ridiculous uh!


Phoebe Buffay: What am I sitting on?
Chandler Bing: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? I'm out.
Phoebe Buffay: Ew-eww!! Undies!
Rachel Green: All right! Who's are they? Who's are they?
Ross Geller: Well, they're not mine!
Chandler Bing: Well, they're Joey's! They gotta be Joey's!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, they're mine.
Chandler Bing: See? They're Joey's! J-J-J-J-J-Joey's!
Ross Geller: Why are they here?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know uhh... Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Rachel Green: Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you?
Chandler Bing: Yeah!
Monica Geller: Yeah!
Rachel Green: Take 'em! Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler? A word.
Joey Tribbiani: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! Ahh! And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Monica Geller: Thank you Joey, thank you so much!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and
Monica Geller: Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, it was! All right, listen, I can't...
Chandler Bing: All this lying has been hard on us too.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier!
Chandler Bing: Well, yeah actually.
Monica Geller: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
Chandler Bing: I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships.
Monica Geller: We are! Help us!
Chandler Bing: Help!
Joey Tribbiani: All right! But, you do it with me once.
Monica Geller: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Didn't think so.
Monica Geller: Hey, Phoebe!
Chandler Bing: Hi, Pheebs!
Rachel Green: Hey, Pheebs!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs!
Rachel Green: What are you reading?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler Bing: I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.
Rachel Green: Honey that sounds like fun.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!
Rachel Green: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay-ooh, but are you going to have time to read it?
Rachel Green: Oh, I read that in high school.
Phoebe Buffay: This is going to be so much fun! Okay-shhh, I have to finish.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong buddy?
Ross Geller: Someone at work ate my sandwich!
Chandler Bing: Well, what did the police say?
Ross Geller: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it!
Chandler Bing: Ross, it's just a sandwich!
Ross Geller: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
Monica Geller: Okay, look, I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich, I mean I was going to eat it myself, but
Ross Geller: That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything.
Chandler Bing: Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Ross Geller: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"
Chandler Bing: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff.
Everyone: Whoa! Ohh!!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, you are a bad ass!
Phoebe Buffay: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
Monica Geller: Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he stabbed me first!!
Rachel Green: Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Rachel Green: So Pheebs, what is the book about?
Phoebe Buffay: I thought you said you read it in high school.
Rachel Green: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anyway-umm, what is this book about?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here , Rachel Green?
Rachel Green: Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story.
The Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?
Rachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here...
Phoebe Buffay: You completely stole my answer!
Rachel Green: Well, honey that was pretty obvious.
Phoebe Buffay: Well how would you know?! You didn't even read it!
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
Phoebe Buffay: I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers.
The Teacher: Would ya care to venture one?
Phoebe Buffay: Would you care to venture one?
The Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Phoebe Buffay: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
The Teacher: All right, let's move on.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay then.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!
Rachel Green: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!
Ross Geller: Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Ross Geller: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Monica Geller: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
Ross Geller: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!
Cynthia: God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out.
Joey Tribbiani: So you uh, still wondering?
Cynthia: No, we just went out.
Joey Tribbiani: You're smart. I like that.
Cynthia: Oh, candles! What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no-no, wait-wait-wait!!
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date!
Joey Tribbiani: Hiya.
Rachel Green: Joey, is what she just said umm-Oh my God. You were actually gonna...
Chandler Bing: What is going on here?
Rachel Green: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.
Joey Tribbiani: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Monica Geller: We're so sorry.
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Chandler Bing: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your adult film class.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
Chandler Bing: Oh-I don't know.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Monica Geller: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.
Joey Tribbiani: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
Dr. Ledbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?
Ross Geller: Yeah, of course, Donald.
Dr. Ledbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.
Ross Geller: What?!
Dr. Ledbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Dr. Ledbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross Geller: Oh no, you-you don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Umm, this is all because of a sandwich.
Dr. Ledbetter: A sandwich?
Ross Geller: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here...
Dr. Ledbetter: Oh, you know what?
Ross Geller: What?
Dr. Ledbetter: I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that.
Ross Geller: You ate my sandwich?
Dr. Ledbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Ross Geller: Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
Dr. Ledbetter: No.
Ross Geller: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Dr. Ledbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Ross Geller: That said it was my sandwich?!
Dr. Ledbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Ross Geller: What?
Dr. Ledbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.
Ross Geller: You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away!
Ross Geller: MY SANDWICH?!!!
Ross Geller: MY SANDWICH!!!!!!
Rachel Green: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi!
Rachel Green: So umm, what's this book about?
Phoebe Buffay: You didn't read this one either?!
Rachel Green: Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else.
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Rachel Green: Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Phoebe Buffay: No! You should've read it yourself!
Rachel Green: Come on Phoebe! Don't be such a goodie-goodie!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Rachel Green: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.
The Teacher: Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel Green: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
The Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel Green: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Monica Geller: Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview.
Chandler Bing: You're naked in this picture!
Monica Geller: I know.
Chandler Bing: Ross?
Ross Geller: Hey Chandler. Monica!
Monica Geller: Ross, are you okay?
Ross Geller: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica Geller: Why?!
Ross Geller: On account of my rage.
Chandler Bing: Which I may say, right now, is out of control.
Ross Geller: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica Geller: A pill?
Ross Geller: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Monica Geller: Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work?
Chandler Bing: And you're okay with that?
Ross Geller: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich.
Rachel Green: Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop.
Rachel Green: That was not funny!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel Green: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Rachel Green: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?
Monica Geller: I know! I know! I know!
The Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Rachel Green: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!
Ross Geller: What's going on?
Rachel Green: Joey has got a secret peephole!
Chandler Bing: Oh no! No! No! No!
Rachel Green: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
Rachel Green: Look!
Ross Geller: Dude! That's my sister!
Monica Geller: Give me that!
Phoebe Buffay: All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!
Joey Tribbiani: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just... I just... Kinda...
Chandler Bing: All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this.
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you!
Chandler Bing: Joey's a sex addict.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!! No I'm not!!
Monica Geller: It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease!
Joey Tribbiani: No! No! I am not a sex addict!
Monica Geller: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey Tribbiani: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Rachel Green: Well, what is the truth?
Ross Geller: Yeah, what's going on?
Phoebe Buffay: What's going on?
Joey Tribbiani: I slept with Monica.
Chandler Bing: Well let's...let's see what everybody thinks of that?
Monica Geller: Oh no!
Ross Geller: You slept with my sister?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.
Ross Geller: This is not good for my rage.
Rachel Green: Monica, is this true?
Joey Tribbiani: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Monica Geller: Yes it's true.
Rachel Green: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey Tribbiani: Ahh-oy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Monica Geller: I guess I wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
Ross Geller: My God Monica!!
Chandler Bing: Are you sure Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?
Joey Tribbiani: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Phoebe Buffay: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Joey Tribbiani: That makes sense!
Rachel Green: And the video camera?
Joey Tribbiani: Uhh, Monica?
Monica Geller: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: But sadly I could not be enticed.
Ross Geller: Unbelievable! I mean you really kept Joey's underwear?! Why? Why would you do that?!
Monica Geller: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs.
Phoebe Buffay: I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off.
A Female Student: Yeah, what's up with that girl Monica?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know! I didn't come with her!
Monica Geller: All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Everyone: A test?!!
Monica Geller: Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! We should have essay questions!!


Joey Tribbiani: What are you doing?
Ross Geller: I...Reorganized The Fridge. See, Bottom Shelf: Meats And Dairy. And Top Shelf expired products.
Joey Tribbiani: Why are you doing this?
Ross Geller: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I've already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You've got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven't you ever been unemployed?
Ross Geller: Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, don't get religious on me, ok. A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here...sit down. Ready? Ahh!! Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Ross Geller: So what, we just sit?
Joey Tribbiani: Ohh, no, no. We're not going to just sit. Shhh.
Chandler Bing: Hello, Chandler Bing.
Joey Tribbiani: Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler Bing: Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! It's been six months! It's not funny!
Joey Tribbiani: But, I love you.
Chandler Bing: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!!
Joey Tribbiani: And that's Wednesday. Ohh.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys, guess what?
Chandler Bing: The British are coming?
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, you and your ways. Since it's Christmastime. I'm going to be one of those people collection donations.
Everyone: Ohh.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I already have my bell and later on...I get my bucket.
Chandler Bing: Ohh.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, I'm going to do the whole city.
Monica Geller: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular.
Joey Tribbiani: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing?
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but I'm the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. I lied.
Rachel Green: Oh my god. Ok you guys, there's Danny. Watch. Just watch this. See?! Still pretending he's not interested. Ohh, he's coming over. Just pretend like we don't know him. We've forgotten who he is.
Danny: Hey guys.
Everyone: Hey Danny.
Monica Geller: Danny? You know Rachel? She's nice. She's not bad to look at, right?
Rachel Green: Thanks, Mon.
Danny: Well, of course.
Monica Geller: Do you want to go out on a date with her?
Rachel Green: Monica!!!
Danny: Absolutely! Is Friday okay?
Monica Geller: Friday's perfect...She can't wait.
Danny: On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? See ya Friday.
Rachel Green: Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don't answer me. I have a date with Danny.
Joey Tribbiani: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Estelle Leonard: Well, Telia Shire suddenly became available.
Joey Tribbiani: She's a woman!
Estelle Leonard: What can I say? She nailed it.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, is there anything else?
Estelle Leonard: Well, you're just going to say no again but...gay porn.
Phoebe Buffay: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy.
Monica Geller: Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: I just wanted to see how it's going.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, it's going okay.
Monica Geller: Well good, here let me help you out.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, thanks!
Monica Geller: Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Wow!
Phoebe Buffay: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Monica Geller: Yeah. I guess.
Phoebe Buffay: Just get your nails done?
Monica Geller: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy.
Phoebe Buffay: Thank you! And Happy Holidays.
Phoebe Buffay: Wait, you can't take the money out.
The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.
Phoebe Buffay: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.
The Man: I'm poor! I gotta take the bus!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, Seasons Greetings and everything, but still...
The Man: Bite me, blondie!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just...
Joey Tribbiani: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys?
Joey Tribbiani: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Joey Tribbiani: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Ross Geller: Or that.
Joey Tribbiani: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Ross Geller: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks!
Ross Geller: All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Joey Tribbiani: Done!
Ross Geller: And it can't be Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: It's not.
Ross Geller: Or Joseph.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh.
Monica Geller: Hey, what's up?
Rachel Green: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Monica Geller: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Rachel Green: Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!!
Monica Geller: You had no relationship!!
Rachel Green: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
Monica Geller: Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl.
Rachel Green: She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan.
Monica Geller: Come on, hurry!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, how do you spell suspicious?
Chandler Bing: Why?
Joey Tribbiani: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff.
Chandler Bing: Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0.
Joey Tribbiani: You're driving me crazy with that!
Chandler Bing: Okay, I'll stop.
Joey Tribbiani: Don't stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.
Chandler Bing: You wanna play?
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler Bing: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
Joey Tribbiani: All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Chandler Bing: I'm intrigued.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Chandler Bing: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts.
Chandler Bing: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh yeah, right here.
Phoebe Buffay: Thank you, Happy Holidays.
Phoebe Buffay: Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't... Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!! The charity's on fire! Help! Oh good! Thank you, I need that. Whoa! What is that?! It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Ross Geller: All right. A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. That's it? Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! And what is, and what is all this?! The official rulebook of Fireball.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluid-Op! Op!
Ross Geller: This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game!
Joey Tribbiani: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Ross Geller: And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. Now come on!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! Ahh!
Danny: I had a really nice time tonight.
Rachel Green: So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out.
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
Rachel Green: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
Danny's Sister: Oh, I thought I heard you.
Danny: Oh hey, great, you're up. Rachel, this is my sister Krista. Krista, this is Rachel.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Krista: Nice to meet you. I wish you'd told me we were having company, I'd fix myself up!
Danny: Like it would help.
Krista: You are so bad!
Danny: You are!
Krista: You are!
Danny: You are!
Krista: You are!
Danny: You are!
Krista: You are!
Danny: You are so dead! I'm gonna get you.
Rachel Green: Uh, it was very nice meeting you.
Phoebe Buffay: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Monica Geller: No.
Phoebe Buffay: Does it look like an ashtray?
Monica Geller: No.
Phoebe Buffay: Does it look like a urinal?
Monica Geller: Eww!!
Ross Geller: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket!
Monica Geller: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something?
Rachel Green: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?
Ross Geller: Oh-oh, yeah.
Monica Geller: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.
Ross Geller: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds.
Monica Geller: Still, I was quick as a cat.
Rachel Green: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway.
Monica Geller: Oh, you're kidding.
Rachel Green: Yeah, they were very y'know...wrestley. But, I guess that's normal?
Monica Geller: We don't, we don't wrestle now.
Ross Geller: Yeah, not since I got too strong for you.
Monica Geller: Too strong for me?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Monica Geller: You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go?
Ross Geller: Oh fine.
Monica Geller: Ready? Wrestle!
Rachel Green: Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks.
Chandler Bing: Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Ross Geller: Joey's not going.
Joey Tribbiani: I didn't finish my five pages.
Chandler Bing: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow?
Ross Geller: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages.
Joey Tribbiani: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.
Chandler Bing: Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Ross Geller: I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.
Chandler Bing: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Ross Geller: I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on look guys, don't fight.
Ross Geller: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing.
Chandler Bing: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?
Ross Geller: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
Ross Geller: How about we settle this right now! There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!
Chandler Bing: I paid for those tickets!
Ross Geller: No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did!
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah!
Danny: ...so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here forgets the camera!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Chandler Bing: When did that happen to you?!
Joey Tribbiani: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture-I didn't have my camera!
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Krista: Oh, this is so good you have got to try it.
Danny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants.
Krista: Here, I'll get it.
Krista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set.
Danny: Yep. I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight.
Rachel Green: Oh, great!
Chandler Bing: Okay, bye! Oh my God!!
Monica Geller: That was unbelievable!
Rachel Green: Okay, see? I told you!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.
Chandler Bing: I don't believe they're brother and sister.
Joey Tribbiani: They're brother and sister!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here!
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! Hi Bob! I thought I told you to get outta here!
Bob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot.
Phoebe Buffay: What?!
Bob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner.
Phoebe Buffay: That chick can't handle my corner.
Bob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you.
Phoebe Buffay: Fine. All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch.
Danny: Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven?
Rachel Green: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Danny: What?! Why?!
Rachel Green: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and...
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
Rachel Green: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's...
Danny: Do-do you, do you have brothers?
Rachel Green: No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy.
Danny: Are you close with them?
Rachel Green: No-no, they're not very nice people.
Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Rachel Green: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of...
Krista: Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Danny: What?
Rachel Green: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later.
Chandler Bing: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Ross Geller: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Ross Geller: Yay!
Chandler Bing: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! Last night!
Joey Tribbiani: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Ross Geller: I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh?
Chandler Bing: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Chandler Bing: All right.
Ross Geller: All right.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay. "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross
Ross Geller: Hey man.
Chandler Bing: What is up?
Ross Geller: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry.
Chandler Bing: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.
Ross Geller: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest... But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Chandler Bing: Could I be more sorry.
Ross Geller: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. All right Joey, we get it. I'm sorry.
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry too.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Ross Geller: I am sorry, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: I am sorry, Ross.
Joey Tribbiani: A handsome man enters. Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Chandler Bing: This took you all day?!
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. Ha-ha!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
Monica Geller: Hi, how are you doing Kelly?
Rachel Green: I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great!
Monica Geller: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?
Rachel Green: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!
Monica Geller: This is disgusting!
Rachel Green: I'm not reading this!
Joey Tribbiani: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!


Jay Leno: Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Joey Tribbiani: All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!
Chandler Bing: We're very happy for you.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter?!
Chandler Bing: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know...
Joey Tribbiani: All right, I'll take care of it.
Monica Geller: Oh no, wait! Joey!
Ross Geller: 73! 72! 71!
Joey Tribbiani: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross Geller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.
Ross Geller: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler.
Ross Geller: Awww, man! Really?
Joey Tribbiani: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
Ross Geller: That's a good point.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, great!
Ross Geller: All right.
Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Phoebe Buffay: It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?
Joey Tribbiani: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
Rachel Green: What?!
Ross Geller: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
Rachel Green: So?
Joey Tribbiani: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
Rachel Green: Oh, good point.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah!
Everyone: 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Chandler Bing: Happy New Year!
Monica Geller: Happy New Year.
Ross Geller: Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Phoebe Buffay: You too!
Rachel Green: Happy New Year, Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: So did that do anything for ya?
Ross Geller: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel Green: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross Geller: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler Bing: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross Geller: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler Bing: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Monica Geller: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
Ross Geller: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
Chandler Bing: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" And it starts right now!
Joey Tribbiani: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
Ross Geller: Ohh.
Phoebe Buffay: Really?! How come?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.
Phoebe Buffay: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? Who-who have you taught?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I taught me and I love me.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!
Rachel Green: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica Geller: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
Rachel Green: I don't gossip!
Rachel Green: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Monica Geller: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel Green: What? They were like this!
Woman: I'll see you tomorrow.
Ross Geller: Okay! Hey!
Ross Geller: I just asked that girl out.
Chandler Bing: Nice!
Joey Tribbiani: Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?
Ross Geller: Yes it is. See.
Chandler Bing: Elizabeth Hornswoggle?
Ross Geller: That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Chandler Bing: Horn-swoggle.
Joey Tribbiani: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
Chandler Bing: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet!
Ross Geller: Hi, Pheebs!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Ross Geller: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Phoebe Buffay: Hornswoggle? Ooh, this must be killing you.
Ross Geller: All right, see you later.
Joey Tribbiani: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, then you learn here.
Joey Tribbiani: Umm, okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, Lesson One: Chords. Now, I Don'T Know The Actual Names Of The Chords But Umm, I-I-I Made Up Names For The Way My Hand Looks While I'M Doing Them. So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady.
Chandler Bing: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel Green: I didn't! Even when I found out...umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and...
Phoebe Buffay: Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!
Joey Tribbiani: No.
Phoebe Buffay: Give me your hands. Strings. Gimme it! Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes!
Phoebe Buffay: Then don't touch one!!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Ben Geller: Hi!
Monica Geller: Hi Ben!
Ben Geller: Auntie Monica!!
Chandler Bing: Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? Someone comment on the pants!
Rachel Green: I think they're very nice.
Monica Geller: I like 'em.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah!
Monica Geller: I like them a lot.
Chandler Bing: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. Maybe there's something in that area.
Ross Geller: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Chandler Bing: Oh come on!!
Ross Geller: Okay, seriously, what do you think?
Joey Tribbiani: You look like a freak.
Rachel Green: Awful, absolutely awful.
Ross Geller: What are you, what are you doing?
Monica Geller: It's my New Year's resolution!
Ross Geller: What, to blind my child?
Monica Geller: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well.
Ross Geller: My God! These pants are burning up! Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! Are you hot?
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: No.
Ross Geller: Okay, it must just be me then.
Ross Geller: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: No, go ahead.
Ross Geller: Thanks.
Ross Geller: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: Hey, my favorite part is coming up!
Ross Geller: 'Kay!
Ross Geller: Oh my God!
Phoebe Buffay: Tiger! Dragon! Iceberg!! Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes! Yes, I did.
Phoebe Buffay: Then do Iceberg!
Joey Tribbiani: G-sharp.
Phoebe Buffay: G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? Have you? Oh my God!
Joey Tribbiani: What?! I didn't touch a guitar!
Phoebe Buffay: No, but you're questioning my method!
Joey Tribbiani: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! What?!
Monica Geller: Thank you.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid.
Joey Tribbiani: Your other student, was you!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Joey Tribbiani: Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Rachel Green: "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, fine! Take his side!
Monica Geller: I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler Bing: Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname?
Monica Geller: Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...
Rachel Green: Arghh!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hello?
Ross Geller: Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!
Joey Tribbiani: Uhh, Chandler's not here.
Ross Geller: Well, you can help me!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Ross Geller: Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom...
Joey Tribbiani: Nice!
Ross Geller: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Ross Geller: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder!
Joey Tribbiani: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.
Ross Geller: Yeah, okay, hold on! They're not coming on man.
Joey Tribbiani: Umm, do you see any-oh, Vaseline?
Ross Geller: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.
Ross Geller: Hold on.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross? You okay?
Ross Geller: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Joey Tribbiani: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
Ross Geller: What difference does that make?!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I'm just-if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Rachel Green: Joey, do you have a minute?
Ross Geller: Dude, what am I gonna...
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out.
Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.
Rachel Green: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Joey Tribbiani: What-what is it, what is it?
Rachel Green: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
Rachel Green: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!
Rachel Green: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
Joey Tribbiani: And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!
Rachel Green: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone...
Joey Tribbiani: I'm not listening to you!
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
Ross Geller: All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: No, let's just leave the lights on.
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: Oh my God!
Ross Geller: I had a problem.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Joey Tribbiani: Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. You really think I'm ready?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! Cool!
Joey Tribbiani: Was the chord at least right...
Phoebe Buffay: No!
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Monica Geller: We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.
Ross Geller: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
Everyone: No. No, you're not a loser.
Ross Geller: Look at me!
Monica Geller: Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!
Ross Geller: Oh, be-because of the leather pants.
Monica Geller: See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah!
Rachel Green: That really is something; that's really cool.
Joey Tribbiani: Howdy partner!
Ross Geller: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. I would make a good cowboy.
Monica Geller: Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry.
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. Yep.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Rachel Green: Good luck, honey!
Phoebe Buffay: Bye!
Rachel Green: Hey, uh, Joey?
Joey Tribbiani: Umm?
Rachel Green: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, no!
Rachel Green: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!
Rachel Green: Yeah. Well. Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Joey Tribbiani: Now? You want me to go over there now?
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: Do you know something?
Rachel Green: Do you know something?
Joey Tribbiani: I might know something.
Rachel Green: I might know something too.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the thing you know?
Rachel Green: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Joey Tribbiani: I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel Green: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, fine.
Joey Tribbiani: You don't know!
Rachel Green: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!
Joey Tribbiani: YOU KNOW!!!!
Rachel Green: AND YOU KNOW!!!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know!!!!
Rachel Green: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Joey Tribbiani: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen...
Phoebe Buffay: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So...
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
Rachel Green: Ohhh, yeah, me too.
Phoebe Buffay: That's weird. I bet they're doing it.
Chandler Bing: Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?!


Rachel Green: Come on Joey!!!
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Rachel Green: I can't believe you would say that!
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Rachel Green: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! Fine I want-I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Rachel Green: Is he romantic with her?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Rachel Green: Are they in love?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Rachel Green: You don't know anything.
Joey Tribbiani: Ohh, I know one thing!
Rachel Green: What?
Joey Tribbiani: They did it right there on the couch.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey-yeah. Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Everyone: What? Oh!
Chandler Bing: Sorry man.
Gunther: Here's your scone.
Ross Geller: Oh, thanks Gunther. STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Chandler Bing: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Rachel Green: Pheebs, I don't think anyone's mad about that.
Phoebe Buffay: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey Tribbiani: Anybody gonna eat that?
Monica Geller: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler Bing: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica Geller: I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a real couple. We don't have to hide.
Chandler Bing: I know, I can do this.
Monica Geller: Ooh, and I can do this.
Both: We can't do that.
Doug: Hey Bing! Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Chandler Bing: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, this is Monica. This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.
Monica Geller: Hi, nice to meet you!
Doug: Hi! And this is my wife Kara.
Kara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing!
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
Chandler Bing: No, sir.
Doug: Yeah, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight.
Monica Geller: What was that?
Chandler Bing: What?
Monica Geller: That noise you just made?
Chandler Bing: Oh, that was my work laugh.
Monica Geller: Really? Your work laugh?
Chandler Bing: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
Monica Geller: All right, check me out.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Doug: ...says $30 Father; same as in town.
Chandler Bing: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Monica Geller: Really?
Chandler Bing: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Monica Geller: Hey, I thought you already had one.
Chandler Bing: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at...bigger rocks. Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Rachel Green: Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.
Chandler Bing: Okay, good luck with that.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: What's up?!
Monica Geller: What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.
Rachel Green: Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you?
Monica Geller: Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good.
Rachel Green: Oh y'know what, we don't have to talk about work. We can talk about anything!
Monica Geller: Okay. Umm...
Rachel Green: Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships!
Monica Geller: Okay, what's going on with you?
Rachel Green: Nothing! You go!
Monica Geller: Well, I-I-there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.
Rachel Green: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-if-are you sure there's just not anything else?
Monica Geller: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?
Rachel Green: No! If there was I wouldn't tell you.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, then what happened?
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You'll get your turn!
Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing! This is not over!
Ross Geller: No! No! No!
Phoebe Buffay: What?!
Ross Geller: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in... Actually, thanks!
Joey Tribbiani: All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross Geller: Uh actually, I think I'm gonna skip it.
Joey Tribbiani: Really?
Ross Geller: Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.
Ross Geller: That's okay, Joe.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, let's go Pheebs.
Ross Geller: Oh God!
Doug: Bing!
Kara: Oww!!
Monica Geller: Game!
Doug: Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. Are you all right sweethart?
Kara: I'm not all right.
Doug: We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water.
Monica Geller: Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!
Chandler Bing: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.
Chandler Bing: Let them win one.
Monica Geller: Are you crazy?! We own those two! I mean look at 'um, he can't breath and she's popping pills.
Chandler Bing: You're not even giving them a chance!
Monica Geller: They have racquets don't they?!
Doug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.
Chandler Bing: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? Please let them win!
Monica Geller: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
Chandler Bing: Oopsey, missed it!
Monica Geller: I got it!
Doug: Nice shot.
Monica Geller: I got it!!
Chandler Bing: Long!
Monica Geller: I can't believe you let them win!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it.
Monica Geller: I was frustrated.
Chandler Bing: It was my racquet.
Monica Geller: I was frustrated with you!
Chandler Bing: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica Geller: Y'know what really bothers me? Is-it's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler Bing: Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.
Monica Geller: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.
Joey Tribbiani: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel Green: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Joey Tribbiani: That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Rachel Green: There he is!
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?!!
Ross Geller: Just, y'know out.
Rachel Green: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!
Phoebe Buffay: What were you doing?
Ross Geller: I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.
Rachel Green: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
Joey Tribbiani: He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.
Ross Geller: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!
Joey Tribbiani: He hooked up!! Tell us about her!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Ross you left you scarf in... Hey you guys.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Rachel Green: Yeah! No that's what I was thinking.
Janice Litman Goralnik: So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, nobody's judging you.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Okay! You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me!
Ross Geller: Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say...
Phoebe Buffay: You two will have very hairy children.
Ross Geller: Okay, I didn't know you would say that.
Rachel Green: Ross! Janice?!
Joey Tribbiani: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.
Ross Geller: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
Phoebe Buffay: So are you actually gonna see her again?
Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!
Ross Geller: I am gonna see her again.
Joey Tribbiani: Damnit Phoebe!!
Rachel Green: Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go!
Monica Geller: My turn? What-what are you talking about?
Rachel Green: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Monica Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Monica Geller: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.
Rachel Green: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
Monica Geller: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big...ot.
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Rachel Green: All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler.
Monica Geller: Me and Chandler?!
Joey Tribbiani: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.
Joey Tribbiani: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off!
Phoebe Buffay: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!
Joey Tribbiani: Judge rules, no violation.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohhh.
Ross Geller: Hey guys!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah!
Ross Geller: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Phoebe Buffay: Are you serious?!
Ross Geller: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Phoebe Buffay: You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We...
Joey Tribbiani: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Phoebe Buffay: No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!
Joey Tribbiani: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, tough call.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill.
Kara: So how do you kids like your coffee?
Monica Geller: Oh, none for me. Thanks.
Chandler Bing: Just a little bit of sugar.
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh?
Monica Geller: How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler Bing: Oh, you get used to it.
Monica Geller: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler Bing: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Monica Geller: I'd rather hang out with a sniveling work weasel guy when I can be hanging out with my boyfriend who I actually respect.
Chandler Bing: Oh.
Doug: Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. Did you hear what I said Bing?
Chandler Bing: What?
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Chandler Bing: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.
Doug: Excuse me?
Chandler Bing: Well, I just...
Monica Geller: Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Chandler Bing: Really?
Monica Geller: Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was weak physically. You get it now honey?
Chandler Bing: I think I do! Thank you, Monica.
Monica Geller: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler Bing: Coffee in a fight!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?
Rachel Green: Sure! Why?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
Rachel Green: What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right now!
Chandler Bing: All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Monica Geller: Sorry! I'm just-I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel!
Chandler Bing: But we're not ready to tell yet!
Monica Geller: I know! It's just that...ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
Monica Geller: Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel Green: Hey! Hi!
Monica Geller: Wh-wh-what are you doing here?
Rachel Green: Well, I was actually-I-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.
Monica Geller: Okay great!
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Monica Geller: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Rachel Green: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.
Monica Geller: Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.
Rachel Green: That's good enough. Right? Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my books!
Monica Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: I'll get back to my new job.
Rachel Green: 'Kay. Congratulations on your new job.
Chandler Bing: Man, she is really gullible.
Gunther: Here you go.
Ross Geller: Thanks!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Actually, I should get going.
Ross Geller: Are you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on sabbatical from work, right?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Yes! Yes! You did!
Ross Geller: Oh...
Janice Litman Goralnik: What is wrong now?!
Ross Geller: This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my marriage falls apart and then...
Janice Litman Goralnik: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee-ahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Ross Geller: Okay. Sometimes I feel...
Janice Litman Goralnik: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Ross Geller: Huh?
Janice Litman Goralnik: You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!
Ross Geller: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Well yeah!!
Ross Geller: OH...MY...GOD!!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Are you gonna be okay?
Ross Geller: I am now.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Umm, hi.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey.
Ross Geller: Dude, we got to talk.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Ross Geller: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. What you're-you're not mad?
Chandler Bing: Why would I be mad?
Ross Geller: Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.
Chandler Bing: I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Chandler Bing: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!
Ross Geller: All right.
Chandler Bing: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it down-let's write it down!