Ross Geller: And here's little Ben nodding off...
Monica Geller: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut!
Rachel Green: Oh, let me see! Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over!
Ross Geller: That would be nice.
Rachel Green: Pardon?
Chandler Bing: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back.
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Joey Tribbiani: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.
Chandler Bing: ... And where's this money coming from?
Joey Tribbiani: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Ross Geller: What kind of research?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, just, y'know... science.
Ross Geller: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that.
Joey Tribbiani: ... It's a fertility study.
Monica Geller: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!
Monica Geller: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns...
Phoebe Buffay: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew...
Chandler Bing: Men are here.
Joey Tribbiani: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler Bing: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Monica Geller: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, OK.
Phoebe Buffay: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your special someone?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, she's, uh... she's pretty great.
Monica Geller: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?
Joey Tribbiani: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?
Monica Geller: Man's got a point.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
Chandler Bing: Crazy bitch.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Monica Geller: Joey... we always know what you mean.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Monica Geller: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?
Ross Geller: I'm going to China.
Phoebe Buffay: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
Monica Geller: You're going to China?
Ross Geller: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the boit'sit's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary . Um... here's a picture of me...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, let me see!
Ross Geller: : Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh... Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Ross Geller: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.
Monica Geller: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross Geller: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?
Monica Geller: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Ross Geller: No.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross Geller: At the coffeehouse, right.
Phoebe Buffay: So you do know who he is! Sorry.
Ross Geller: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: ...I have to go to China.
Joey Tribbiani: The country?
Ross Geller: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is?
Chandler Bing: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore... no.
Ross Geller: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!?
Chandler Bing: Forget about her.
Joey Tribbiani: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
Chandler Bing: Course there, they just call it food.
Ross Geller: Yeah... I guess. I don'tI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK?
Joey Tribbiani: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you.
Ross Geller: I know.
Joey Tribbiani: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man.
Chandler Bing: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.'
Joey Tribbiani: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.
Chandler Bing: Ooooh.
Monica Geller: OK, how does everybody like their burgers?
Rachel Green: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later.
Monica Geller: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
Joey Tribbiani: Then you do. Heh, heh.
Monica Geller: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?
Joey Tribbiani: What do you mean?
Monica Geller: Y'know, just be there for her.
Joey Tribbiani: Not following you.
Monica Geller: Think about it.
Rachel Green: OK, I'm guessing this is from...
Rachel Green: Well, thank you, Melanie.
Chandler Bing: OK, this one right here is from me.
Rachel Green: OK... ah, it's light... ...it rattles... it's... Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you!
Rachel Green: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And... ...it's a book!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!
Joey Tribbiani: : That book got me through some tough times.
Melanie: There is a little child inside this man!
Chandler Bing: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
Rachel Green: Who's this from?
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's Ross's.
Rachel Green: Oh... ... Oh my God. He remembered.
Phoebe Buffay: Remembered what?
Rachel Green: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Chandler Bing: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Monica Geller: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler Bing: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel Green: What did you just say?
Chandler Bing: ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Rachel Green: No, no, no... the, um, the... 'love' part?
Chandler Bing: F-hah... flennin...
Rachel Green: Oh... my God.
Chandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no-no...
Joey Tribbiani: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Rachel Green: I mean, this is unbelievable.
Phoebe Buffay: I know. This is really, really huge.
Chandler Bing: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.
Phoebe Buffay: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.
Chandler Bing: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Monica Geller: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?
Rachel Green: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... : W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.
Rachel Green: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him.
Chandler Bing: H-He's in China!
Joey Tribbiani: The country.
Monica Geller: No, no, wait. His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes.
Chandler Bing: What about the time difference?
Monica Geller: From here to the airport?
Chandler Bing: Yes! You're never gonna make it!
Monica Geller: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him?
Rachel Green: I-I-I don't know.
Chandler Bing: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Joey Tribbiani: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
Monica Geller: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.
Rachel Green: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.
Phoebe Buffay: Here, look, alright, does this help?
Rachel Green: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later.
Chandler Bing: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first!
Ross Geller:
Flight Attendant: Alright!
Ross Geller: Ni-chou chi-ma!
Rachel Green: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me...
Flight Attendant: Hi!
Rachel Green: Hi.
Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass?
Rachel Green: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.
Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.
Rachel Green: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations!
Rachel Green: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just give him a message for me? Please? This is very important.
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel Green: Uh... I don't know.
Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a message for you.
Man: What?
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.
Man: : Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze.
Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute!
Joey Tribbiani: Heh, heh. It was nothin'.
Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you!
Joey Tribbiani: Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn.
Melanie: M-Me again?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure! Why not?
Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow.
Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be.
Joey Tribbiani: How do you mean?
Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.
Monica Geller: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Rachel Green: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
Rachel Green: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on the fifteenth date.
Monica Geller: Another good point.
Phoebe Buffay: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.
Rachel Green: Huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out?
Monica Geller: Why isn't it working out?
Rachel Green: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't.
Monica Geller: Is he not cute enough for you?
Rachel Green: No!
Monica Geller: Does he not make enough money?
Rachel Green: No, I'm just...
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe there's someone else.
Rachel Green: Wha...
Monica Geller: Is there? Is there someone else?
Rachel Green: No! There is.. there is noone else!
Monica Geller: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?
Chandler Bing: Hey, big...
Joey Tribbiani: Shhhh!
Chandler Bing: ...spender.
Joey Tribbiani: She's still asleep.
Chandler Bing: So how'd it go?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler Bing: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Chandler Bing: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
Joey Tribbiani: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.
Chandler Bing: I didn't know you had another level.
Joey Tribbiani: I know! Neither did I!
Monica Geller: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Oh, from who?
Rachel Green: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.
Monica Geller: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?
Rachel Green: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.
Monica Geller: Oh, why?
Rachel Green: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
Monica Geller: No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure!
Rachel Green: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...
Monica Geller: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise.
Rachel Green: Who is it?
Intercom: It's me, Carl.
Rachel Green: C'mon up.
Monica Geller: Behind my brother's back? ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.
Joey Tribbiani: Seven hundred bucks!
Chandler Bing: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?
Joey Tribbiani: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something.
Chandler Bing: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?
Joey Tribbiani: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this?
Carl (Rachel's date): I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se... it's just that guy!
Ross Geller: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Rachel Green: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date here.
Ross Geller: Fine, just stop thinking about me.
Ross Geller: Can't do it, can you?
Rachel Green: So I'm thinking about you. So what?
Ross Geller: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?
Rachel Green: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy...
Carl (Rachel's date): I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car!
Ross Geller: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.
Rachel Green: Ross, it's too hard.
Ross Geller: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth grade.
Rachel Green: Ross, you're like my best friend.
Ross Geller: I know.
Rachel Green: If we broke up, and I lost you...
Ross Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break up?
Rachel Green: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?
Ross Geller: No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Rachel Green: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.
Ross Geller: Well, start looking.
Rachel Green: Wow.
Carl (Rachel's date): Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!
Rachel Green: Right! You're right!
Carl (Rachel's date): Heh... y'know?
Rachel Green: You know what?
Carl (Rachel's date): What?
Rachel Green: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do... I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Carl (Rachel's date): But...
Rachel Green: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi.
Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!
Ross Geller: Oh, hey, hey, I got that.
Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie.
Ross Geller: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends.
Julie: Really?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?
Ross Geller: No, no, they will. I just... uh...
Ross Geller: Come on, they're gonna love you.


Monica Geller: Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...?
Chandler Bing: You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.
Monica Geller: I'll put a pillowcase over my head.
Chandler Bing: You're on!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: What's up?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want...
Ross Geller: ... finally...
Phoebe Buffay: Is that Ross?
Monica Geller: Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.
Phoebe Buffay: Sounds like he's with someone.
Chandler Bing: He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps.
Monica Geller: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
Charlie Wheeler: Ooh... Dr. Geller!
Ross Geller: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, that's Charlie!
Chandler Bing: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh that tart... floozy... giant...
Monica Geller: I'm not sure about this.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.
Monica Geller: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend.
Rachel Green: Ooh... I love Barbados!
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!
Rachel Green: I know, I'm her!
Phoebe Buffay: Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Get over here!
Rachel Green: ooh...
Chandler Bing: Wow!
Monica Geller: Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
Monica Geller: Thank you.
Rachel Green: Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...
Rachel Green: What? Ross and Charlie? Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?
Monica Geller: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
Chandler Bing: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
Monica Geller: I'm on it!
Chandler Bing: Anything?
Monica Geller: I think I hear curtains closing...
Phoebe Buffay: We've got shoes being kicked off over here.
Monica Geller: Bedsprings, unmistakable!
Chandler Bing: You do realise that's your brother?
Monica Geller: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with.
Chandler Bing: That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.
Monica Geller: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
Chandler Bing: Okay Buckwheat!
Phoebe Buffay: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn!
Ross Geller: Weh...*sigh*
Charlie Wheeler: uhm... Is everything okay?
Ross Geller: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...
Charlie Wheeler: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
Ross Geller: No, NO! Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
Charlie Wheeler: I uhm... I completely understand.
Ross Geller: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... I just need a... need a before I can... you know. Grandma... grandma... grandma... Okay, I see you later.
Charlie Wheeler: Okay...
Phoebe Buffay: That's the door. He's gone...
Chandler Bing: And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality!
Monica Geller: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
Ross Geller: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa...
Monica Geller: Yeah, we had a great time, thank you!
Chandler Bing: Bye!
Ross Geller: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?
Chandler Bing: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it...
Ross Geller: Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him?
Chandler Bing: You got it!
Ross Geller: Thanks! Thank you!
Monica Geller: Other wall, people! Other wall!
Ross Geller: Rach, you there?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?
Rachel Green: Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. That's not nonchalant!
Joey Tribbiani: No idea what it means.
Rachel Green: Oh... okay, just hide!
Ross Geller: Rach?
Rachel Green: Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed!
Rachel Green: There's no room under the bed.
Ross Geller: Is everything okay?
Rachel Green: Yeah...
Ross Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hi...
Ross Geller: You know where Joey is?
Rachel Green: ...I really don't...
Ross Geller: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Rachel Green: Yeah, sure...
Joey Tribbiani: I don't believe this... Have you guys been...
Phoebe Buffay: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
Ross Geller: And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me.
Rachel Green: Uh-huh... right... yeah...
Ross Geller: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.
Rachel Green: Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you.
Ross Geller: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
Rachel Green: That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Ross Geller: You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace.
Rachel Green: You would think!
Rachel Green: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Is he gone?
Rachel Green: How are you doing this?
Joey Tribbiani: Pssst...
Rachel Green: How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time?
Phoebe Buffay: Now, what is this?
Rachel Green: Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, he's with Charlie now.
Monica Geller: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
Joey Tribbiani: You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Rachel Green: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
Chandler Bing: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Rachel Green: Sure...
Chandler Bing: Enunciate!
Rachel Green: Get out!
Rachel Green: Are they right?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Rachel Green: Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
Rachel Green: Although...
Joey Tribbiani: I like although!
Rachel Green: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
Joey Tribbiani: Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool...
Rachel Green: Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now.
Joey Tribbiani: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.
Rachel Green: No...
Joey Tribbiani: I'm thinking about you...
Rachel Green: Yeah...
Joey Tribbiani: Let's forget about Ross...
Rachel Green: Forgotten.
Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong?
Rachel Green: Nothing...
Ross Geller: Seriously... What is it?
Rachel Green: Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here...
Ross Geller: What's wrong?
Rachel Green: Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head...
Joey Tribbiani: Well, maybe I can help.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...
Both: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: You guys ready to go?
Chandler Bing: Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing.
Ross Geller: Dude! You're not taking your Bible?
Chandler Bing: You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
Ross Geller: Learn about Jesus...
Ross Geller: Hey!
Charlie Wheeler: So, did you talk to Joey?
Ross Geller: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!
Ross Geller: Stop it!
Charlie Wheeler: PHD.
Ross Geller: You're filthy!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, have you guys seen Monica?
Ross Geller: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright...
Monica Geller: Check it out!
Phoebe Buffay: Who's day just got better? CHANDLER!
Chandler Bing: Hey!... aaaaaahhhh!
Monica Geller: What do you think?
Chandler Bing: I think... I think I can see your scalp.
Monica Geller: Don't you just love it?
Ross Geller: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.
Charlie Wheeler: It's so... something... You go girlfriend!
Ross Geller: You've never said that in your life, have you?
Charlie Wheeler: Not once.
Ross Geller: I thought so.
Monica Geller: And listen to this...
Chandler Bing: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
Joey Tribbiani: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?
Ross Geller: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.
Joey Tribbiani: I understand...
Ross Geller: No, I'll do it.
Chandler Bing: Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there.
Phoebe Buffay: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
Mike Hannigan: You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...
Phoebe Buffay: Aaah... you're not good at this...
Mike Hannigan: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
Phoebe Buffay: No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right?
Mike Hannigan: Oh...
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Mike Hannigan: Uhm... I can't do anything tonight.
Phoebe Buffay: Why not?
Mike Hannigan: I have a date.
Phoebe Buffay: You have a... You have a date? With who?
Mike Hannigan: Oh, it's... my girlfriend.
Phoebe Buffay: You have... have a girlfriend?
Mike Hannigan: Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone.
Phoebe Buffay: For how long?
Mike Hannigan: Three months.
Phoebe Buffay: Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?
Mike Hannigan: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you.
Mike Hannigan: Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
Phoebe Buffay: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
Ross Geller: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
Charlie Wheeler: Okay... Good luck.
Rachel Green: Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him.
Joey Tribbiani: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.
Rachel Green: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh...
Rachel Green: Still nervous?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm gonna get the lasagna.
Ross Geller: Hey Rach...
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Ross Geller: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.?
Rachel Green: Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah?
Ross Geller: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...
Joey Tribbiani: You kissed.
Ross Geller: Wha... What? What would give you that idea?
Joey Tribbiani: I saw you.
Ross Geller: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.
Ross Geller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.
Ross Geller: Are you serious?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah... Now I have something...
Ross Geller: I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh... uh... look... before you...
Ross Geller: No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous...
Joey Tribbiani: I am those things, yeah.
Ross Geller: You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
Joey Tribbiani: Dude!
Ross Geller: Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...
Joey Tribbiani: I can't think of anything.
Ross Geller: Thanks!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Rachel Green: So hi!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: So you eh, you talked to Joey?
Ross Geller: Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.
Rachel Green: Oh! That's great!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Rachel Green: Oh, so everything's okay?
Ross Geller: Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy.
Rachel Green: Ah... Well, obviously I think so too.
Ross Geller: Well, I'm so excited about this.
Rachel Green: Really? Excited?
Ross Geller: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...
Rachel Green: Excuse me! You didn't tell him, did you?
Joey Tribbiani: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
Rachel Green: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him.
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Mike's place.
Mike Hannigan: Hey, it's Mike.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, that was fast.
Mike Hannigan: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Mike Hannigan: One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
Phoebe Buffay: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
Mike Hannigan: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout.
Precious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you?
Phoebe Buffay: I... I'm Phoebe.
Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: Enchante.
Monica Geller: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... Ow!
Chandler Bing: You go back to work tomorrow night, right?
Monica Geller: Yeah!
Chandler Bing: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
Monica Geller: Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. You like that, right?
Chandler Bing: What are you singing?
Monica Geller: It's "Bolero" from "10".
Chandler Bing: It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, Here's The Thing The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!
Monica Geller: You what? You said you liked them.
Chandler Bing: Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.
Monica Geller: Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does.
Chandler Bing: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
Monica Geller: You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... OUCH!
Chandler Bing: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Monica Geller: And the eye!
Ross Geller: Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle?
Rachel Green: That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.
Ross Geller: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
Rachel Green: Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about.
Ross Geller: Okay, shoot!
Rachel Green: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Ross Geller: OH NO!
Rachel Green: What? What is it?
Ross Geller: Oh, major shampoo explosion!
Rachel Green: Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy.
Ross Geller: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me?
Rachel Green: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?
Rachel Green: Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and...
Ross Geller: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
Rachel Green: Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time.
Ross Geller: Duh, you think?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.
Precious: I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something?
Phoebe Buffay: Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie?
Precious: My name is Precious.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Precious: I just can't believe this... Why?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I don't...
Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.
Precious: I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
Phoebe Buffay: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Precious: I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning.
Phoebe Buffay: But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever.
Phoebe Buffay: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Phoebe Buffay: You're welcome!
Chandler Bing: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
Monica Geller: Not really.
Monica Geller: I have a problem.
Chandler Bing: Really? What happened?
Monica Geller: Well, I was dancing around, and singing "No Woman, No Cry" and I got stuck.
Chandler Bing: You can't move at all?
Monica Geller: Oh, well, I can move...
Chandler Bing: If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose?
Monica Geller: I guess so...
Chandler Bing: Some of these look a little frayed.
Monica Geller: Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: So, did you err... did you tell Ross?
Rachel Green: Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so-ooory.
Rachel Green: Yeah, 'cause that's what we do.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together.
Rachel Green: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...
Joey Tribbiani: I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals.
Rachel Green: No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! Good night!
Rachel Green: Goo-ood night!
Joey Tribbiani: Good night!
Rachel Green: Seriously, good night!
Joey Tribbiani: Stop saying good night.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: Look what I found in the drawer... And you said I'd never wear this...
Chandler Bing: Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?
Monica Geller: Sure, what do you have in mind?
Chandler Bing: I think you know.
Monica Geller: Really? I don't really feel like it.
Chandler Bing: This is what I want to do.
Monica Geller: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.
Chandler Bing: She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.


Joey Tribbiani: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?
Rachel Green: We weren't doing anything!
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, he just saw us.
Rachel Green: Shhh.
Joey Tribbiani: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Rachel Green: No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, chill! Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Rachel Green: Yeah, you started it! I've got to chill.
Joey Tribbiani: Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but..
Rachel Green: We feel so terrible about this, Ross.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but it did happen, so...
Joey Tribbiani: Ross?
Rachel Green: Ross? Can we just close the door?
Rachel Green: Ross, say something. Anything.
Ross Geller: So you two are..?
Ross Geller: And have you .. ed?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no!
Rachel Green: No, no, no!
Ross Geller: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no!
Rachel Green: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts.
Ross Geller: I'm not going nuts. Do you see me go nuts?
Rachel Green: No, but you know what I mean.
Ross Geller: Hey, hey, hey... If you two are happy, then I'm happy for you. I'm fine!
Joey Tribbiani: Really?
Ross Geller: Absolutely. I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine. I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. But now that I've had time to absorb it; Lovin' this.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross..
Ross Geller: It's all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do?
Rachel Green: Calm ourselves?
Ross Geller: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!!
Joey Tribbiani: Look, don't you think that will be a little weird?
Ross Geller: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!!
Joey Tribbiani: I do like fajitas.
Monica Geller: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.
Chandler Bing: There's a hair in my coffee.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey guys!
Monica Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
Chandler Bing: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.
Monica Geller: That's sweet. Drink your hair.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, what's all this stuff?
Monica Geller: Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one!
Monica Geller: That's not really how it works.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, how does it work?
Monica Geller: I don't know!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, if you're having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.
Monica Geller: Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.
Frank Buffay Jr.: That's not what we talked about!!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Good to see you.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Good to see you, too.
Monica Geller: Hi Frank.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi, how you doin'?
Monica Geller: Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big!
Monica Geller: Which one is which again?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.
Monica Geller: "Willing to adopt triplets?" No!
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.
Rachel Green: Well, what would we be doing?
Joey Tribbiani: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Rachel Green: Feel me up?
Joey Tribbiani: In a carriage!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Charlie!
Rachel Green: Hey.
Charlie Wheeler: Hi, hi. So.. Dreading this?
Rachel Green: Oh, you bet.
Joey Tribbiani: So, did you bring a little something for Ross?
Charlie Wheeler: Actually.. It's stuff you left at my apartment.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Oh, thanks.
Charlie Wheeler: And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out..
Ross Geller: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! Hi Joey. And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. Come, please come in. Come in.
Rachel Green: Okay, well, we brought you some wine.
Ross Geller: Oh! That is so thoughtful. She's a keeper. And what did you bring me?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, actually, that's..
Ross Geller: Underwear, a toothbrush, and Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!!
Charlie Wheeler: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little...
Ross Geller: What? Fine? Because I am! Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't you? You see? Who else is fine?
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, listen, hey, Ross. Why don't you try to relax, okay? Maybe have a drink.
Ross Geller: You know what? That is a very good idea. I'm gonna go make a pitcher of Margaritas.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, god. So adorable. Look at them sleeping there like angels.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, they may be a handful, but they're so cute.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..
Frank Buffay Jr.: I haven't slept in four years!
Phoebe Buffay: That's a, that's a long time.
Frank Buffay Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No.
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Frank Buffay Jr.: No, I can't.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no! I would never do that. No. I just was thinking that, you know, maybe you could take one.
Phoebe Buffay: What?! You can't separate them! That's terrible. Which one?
Monica Geller: Thank you so much for seeing us. Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys.
Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.
Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting.
Chandler Bing: So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh?
Chandler Bing: I mean, you have a lovely home.
Monica Geller: Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us.
Colleen: Well, actually, I think this might help.
Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.
Monica Geller: Oh my god!
Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
Monica Geller: Thank you. I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
Bill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Chandler Bing: That's great. Can I see the book?
Chandler Bing: You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Monica Geller: It's.. It's just so pretty and white.
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
Colleen: I would have told him to do it too.
Monica Geller: Can I adopt you?
Chandler Bing: Hey, you must be Owen.
Owen: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
Owen: You were?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, in fact my father was a den-mother.
Owen: Huh?
Chandler Bing: You know how to use a compass?
Owen: I have a badge in it.
Chandler Bing: You do? That's fantastic!
Owen: You wanna see it?
Chandler Bing: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talking to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Owen: What?!?
Chandler Bing: What?
Owen: I'm adopted?
Chandler Bing: I got nothing.
Ross Geller: The first batch of margaritas was not so great, but the second batch is gooooood.
Rachel Green: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
Ross Geller: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?
Ross Geller: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.
Rachel Green: No awareness.
Ross Geller: We make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh! Let's take a trip. Okay, where do you think we - we can go?
Ross Geller: My fajitas!!
Rachel Green: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you know what? This is nothing. My father is a raging alcoholic.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, I'm sorry, have I made this evening uncomfortable?
Ross Geller: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!!
Rachel Green: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on!
Ross Geller: That is gonna hurt tomorrow!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well, this is crazy. Can't seriously be talking about me taking one of your kids, can we?
Frank Buffay Jr.: No, of course we're not.
Phoebe Buffay: Insane.
Frank Buffay Jr.: I know.
Phoebe Buffay: Alice would never go for it, right?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I don't know, she's pretty tired, too, I think we've got her onboard.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Huh.
Phoebe Buffay: Frank Jr.Jr.?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.
Frank Buffay Jr.: What's green and says "hey, I'm a frog"? A talking frog! Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, alright, that's fine. What about Leslie?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, Frank. I think we just ran out of kids.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.
Frank Buffay Jr.: How about tomorrow?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.
Frank Buffay Jr.: You'd do that for us?
Phoebe Buffay: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for. Frank Jr. : Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
Chandler Bing: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Monica Geller: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?
Chandler Bing: We have to leave!!
Monica Geller: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Chandler Bing: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica Geller: Oh my god, where's my purse? No, you know what? I can replace everything in there. Get that binder, and let's go!
Colleen: Hey.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Chandler Bing: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think on some level he already knows?
Owen: I'm adopted?!
Chandler Bing: See? Intuitive!
Bill: What? Where did you hear that?
Owen: He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.
Chandler Bing: Which technically now you should give back!
Colleen: You told him he's adopted?
Chandler Bing: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Owen: He isn't?!
Chandler Bing: We have to get out of here, baby!
Ross Geller: Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.
Rachel Green: Ooy.
Ross Geller: And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?
Rachel Green: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?
Ross Geller: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, are you okay?
Ross Geller: Totally.
Rachel Green: Ross, you don't seem okay.
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Charlie Wheeler: Wait, Ross. Ross. I - I have to take off.
Ross Geller: No!
Charlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.
Ross Geller: Wasn't it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.
Charlie Wheeler: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?
Ross Geller: Okay.
Charlie Wheeler: Alright.
Charlie Wheeler: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..
Rachel Green: Oh, that's okay, girls tend not to like me.
Charlie Wheeler: Bye.
Ross Geller: Okay, I guess it's just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed!
Rachel Green: You know what, Ross? I think we're gonna take off too.
Ross Geller: Oh, oh. Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
Rachel Green: No, no, it's just that it's getting late...
Ross Geller: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good.
Ross Geller: I don't even know what that's for.
Joey Tribbiani: You know what? I think I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's okay.
Rachel Green: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.
Rachel Green: Uh-huh. Okay. You know what, Joey, I don't think he's ever gonna be okay with this.
Joey Tribbiani: It doesn't look good, does it?
Joey Tribbiani: Morning. Here you go.
Ross Geller: Thanks. Did you stay here all night?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Ross Geller: So you took off my pants and shoes?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.
Ross Geller: What do you mean?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Ross Geller: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine!
Joey Tribbiani: It's okay, Ross, alright? I totally understand. Of course you're not fine. You're.. You're Ross and Rachel.
Ross Geller: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Joey Tribbiani: That's what I hear, yeah.
Ross Geller: This is crazy. I mean, six years? And because of me you guys aren't gonna be together? Can I ask you something? Really, what is this thing with you and Rachel?
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, I mean, you know me, you know...
Ross Geller: Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm crazy about her.
Ross Geller: And she feels the same way?
Joey Tribbiani: I think so.
Ross Geller: Well, then, maybe it's time we all moved on.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
Ross Geller: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, no, that was - that was just for me. Are you sure about this?
Ross Geller: Yeah, I'm sure.
Joey Tribbiani: And we're okay?
Monica Geller: Hey, Phoebs.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Monica Geller: Uhm, we just wanna give you a heads-up. Bill and Colleen hate us.
Chandler Bing: Owen didn't know he was adopted, and Monica told him.
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Still, he had to find out sometime.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
Chandler Bing: I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident.


Chandler Bing: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. It's actually our first official date.
Chandler Bing: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
Joey Tribbiani: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Chandler Bing: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing.
Joey Tribbiani: It's OK!
Chandler Bing: How can you be so confident?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I... I know exactly what I'm gonna do!
Chandler Bing: Really? Like you have a routine?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Chandler Bing: Really?
Joey Tribbiani: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.
Chandler Bing: You mean like this?
Joey Tribbiani: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice.
Joey Tribbiani: More foosball?
Chandler Bing: ...and beer!!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey sweetie!
Ross Geller: WOW!
Chandler Bing: Hey! Stop staring at my wife's legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister's legs!
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, it's just... how did you get so tan?
Chandler Bing: She went on one of those spray-on tan places.
Ross Geller: Eh, you got a spray-on tan?
Monica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures!
Ross Geller: Why, why you do, like with the-the toe separators?
Chandler Bing: Why...why?
Ross Geller: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one!
Chandler Bing: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off.
Ross Geller: So, do you get colours or just French tips?
Monica Geller: There. Here's their card.
Ross Geller: Thanks. Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... florist.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey Pheebs!
Monica Geller: Hey Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town.
Monica Geller: I know, Amanda! Ah! She called me too! She's the worst!
Chandler Bing: Who's Amanda?
Monica Geller: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Chandler Bing: Are you trying to do a British accent?
Monica Geller: Chandler gets pedicures!
Chandler Bing: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?
Phoebe Buffay: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!"
Monica Geller: I know, and she's always bragging about all the famous people she's met.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't?
Monica Geller: Oh, what are we gonna do! I don't wanna see her!!
Phoebe Buffay: Ugh, Let's just cut her out!
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point!
Monica Geller: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! Have you ever done that?
Chandler Bing: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !
Assistant: Alright Mr. Geller! Right this way! So, how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three.
Ross Geller: Well... I like how you look, what are you?
Assistant: Puerto Rican.
Ross Geller: Two, I think a two.
Assistant: You've got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it?
Ross Geller: Spray, count, pat, then turn, spray, count and pat.
Assistant: Wow, you catch on quick.
Ross Geller: Well, I have a PhD, so...
Ross Geller: One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis... WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting!!
Ross Geller: You sprayed my front twice!
Assistant: You've never turned?
Ross Geller: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Assistant: Mississippi? I said count to five'!
Ross Geller: Mississippilesly? Well, how bad is it?
Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Ross Geller: So, how dark is it gonna get?
Assistant: You got sprayed with two two' s and...
Ross Geller: I'm a four?
Assistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out.
Ross Geller: Really!
Assistant: You might wanna get back in there.
Ross Geller: Ok!
Ross Geller: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? Ah, oh, ah! Ah! The same thing happened again!
Assistant: You got two more twos?
Ross Geller: I'm an eight!
Rachel Green: Thanks for dinner.
Joey Tribbiani: I thought you paid. Ha, guess we won't be going back there!
Rachel Green: So.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch?
Rachel Green: I say 'cheesy line', but ok.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter?
Rachel Green: I am sorry, I don't know, I am sorry, I don't know why I did that!
Rachel Green: Ok, so sorry.
Rachel Green: I am sorry! Again... I don't know, I don't know what happened, I must be nervous!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it, Chandler loved it!
Rachel Green: Ok, ok, ok. I promise, I promise, I promise, I won't do it again. I really do. I promise. This is gonna be great.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, was that good for you?
Monica Geller: No, no, don't get it. Let the machine pick up.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again.
Monica Geller: It could be Amanda!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you're right! I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting is a gas!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hello Monica. It's Amanda calling again. I am in the neighborhood hoping I can pop by your flat!
Monica Geller: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffo-Martisis!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Let's see.. to assure you get this directly, ring me back on my mobile.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, don't hold thy breath!
Chandler Bing: Hello? Is someone on the line?
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Yes, I was looking for Monica.
Chandler Bing: Hang on, she's right here. Someone's on the phone, for ya.
Monica Geller: We weren't picking up, it's Amanda!
Chandler Bing: I get pedicures!
Monica Geller: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it's... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then!
Phoebe Buffay: Why, why, why didn't you just say no!
Monica Geller: Well, I said 'no' to her coming over now! I couldn't say 'no' twice! I get this uncontrollable need to please people!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine, fine! You would not hold up well under torture!
Monica Geller: And you would?
Phoebe Buffay: I did!
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, you sure you wanna do this?
Rachel Green: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it's just a little weird, it's you, and it's me, it's just gonna take some getting used to.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok. Well, how, how can we make it easier?
Rachel Green: Ok, let's work from the top down! Just work the bra, Joe!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, yeah, got it.
Joey Tribbiani: This thing welded shut?!
Rachel Green: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing.
Rachel Green: Oh!
Rachel Green: Ow!
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry!
Rachel Green: Well this is romantic!
Joey Tribbiani: I'm sorry! This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra!
Rachel Green: It's a standard issue bra clasp!
Joey Tribbiani: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping!
Rachel Green: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey Tribbiani: NAH! I don't have another level!!
Chandler Bing: Hold on! There is something different.
Ross Geller: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler Bing: Was that place... The Sun?
Ross Geller: Oh! And it gets worse!
Chandler Bing: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself!
Monica Geller: How could you mess this up? It's so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!!
Ross Geller: How do you count to five?
Monica Geller: One Two Three...
Ross Geller: Damnit!
Rachel Green: oooh! Oh oh!
Ross Geller: I Know!
Rachel Green: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic?
Chandler Bing: How was your date with Joey?
Rachel Green: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away!
Chandler Bing: You didn't like that?
Rachel Green: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra!
Monica Geller: Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open.
Rachel Green: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
Monica Geller: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that.
Rachel Green: Ok, that's true. That's true, we can do this. You're right, you're right, we can do this. We're just gonna power through!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second .
Rachel Green: No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through .
Monica Geller: Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Chandler Bing: You don't know!
Monica Geller: Hey Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Is Amanda here yet?
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Oh good. Good, look I'm so sorry, for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan. But I have a new plan. Chandler agreed to call here in a few minutes with an emergency.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here?
Monica Geller: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Phoebe Buffay: Are you kidding, I love it!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi!
Monica Geller: Hi!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hi!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Hello!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs I don't exercise at all! Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
Monica Geller: Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and...
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Smell my neck! It's not perfume! It's me! It's my natural scent!
Phoebe Buffay: Musty!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Gosh! This is brilliant. Gosh, it's just like old times. I'm so happy you two are friends again!
Monica Geller: When were we not friends?
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had sex with Evil Knievel .
Monica Geller: Ehm, we were friends in 1992.
Amanda Buffamonteezi: No I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls and trying to avoid seeing her.
Monica Geller: You were going to cut me out?
Phoebe Buffay: Well...kinda.
Monica Geller: Oh My God!
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Oh! Bugger. Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass".
Monica Geller: Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? Oh my God, are you alright? Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God. Was Mike with him?
Monica Geller: Nope!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hey! Got champagne?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes ma'am, ready to Power through!
Rachel Green: Excellent! Stick it in the ice bucket, the phone is off the hook, and in the interest of powering through ...
Joey Tribbiani: Uh!
Rachel Green: Ok Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. Alright! Lets do it!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, you're scaring me a little bit.
Rachel Green: Oh! Get over it soldier, we've gotta do this! Ok. Aha! You like that huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! yeah!
Rachel Green: You like that? Let's take this into high gear.
Joey Tribbiani: uh uh!
Rachel Green: Yeah baby, I'll show you how we do it!
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Rachel Green: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok?
Joey Tribbiani: Soldier down!
Monica Geller: We are not friends with Phoebe anymore.
Chandler Bing: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Monica Geller: I have nothing to say to you.
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Wow, my flat is twice this size!
Phoebe Buffay: Please, Monica? In the hall?
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Ooh, that accident must have been terrible. You look positively ghastly.
Chandler Bing: Well, aren't you a treat.
Monica Geller: I can't believe you tried to cut me out. Why Phoebe, why?
Phoebe Buffay: It was right after we were living together and you were driving me crazy, okay? You were really controlling and compulsive and shrill.
Monica Geller: I'm still all those things!
Phoebe Buffay: You're also so generous and kind and scrappy!
Monica Geller: I am scrappy.
Phoebe Buffay: Exactly! Look, no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life. Of all the people I have cut out, you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in.
Monica Geller: It's because I'm scrappy.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are. And I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, because I don't know what I would do without you.
Monica Geller: I won't know what I would do without you.
Monica Geller: Well, I guess we should go back in. When you gave me another chance, I guess we should do the same for Amanda.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Amanda Buffamonteezi: Can you believe it. I've never had any professional dance training.
Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and...
Ross Geller: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back.
Glenda: Okay...
Ross Geller: Wait a minute, there's two sets of nozzles, which one is it?
Ross Geller: Which... which... which... Which one is it?
Ross Geller: OH! SON OF A BITCH!
Rachel Green: What is the matter with us?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I know what's the matter with me.
Rachel Green: No, I mean with us, you know. I mean, is it supposed to be this... difficult?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Chandler Bing: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey!
Rachel Green: Hi! Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to... more than that?
Chandler Bing: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys...
Rachel Green: No, no, no... No, I mean... se-x-u-ally...
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, was there a part of you that... felt like it was... really wrong?
Chandler Bing: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time.
Chandler Bing: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy.
Rachel Green: Well, just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah... Absolutely. I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit.
Rachel Green: Right, totally.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it.
Rachel Green: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.
Joey Tribbiani: That's a... pla-an.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow... I did not see this coming.
Rachel Green: I know.
Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted.
Rachel Green: Hmmm... Me too...
Rachel Green: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Joey Tribbiani: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
Rachel Green: Aah... I bet you're right.
Joey Tribbiani: So...
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: I love ya.
Rachel Green: Love you too... Alright, I'm going to bed.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, me too.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere for a while.
Chandler Bing: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.
Ross Geller: Go away! I don't want to see anybody.
Chandler Bing: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.
Ross Geller: Really? Did you count Mississipily?
Ross Geller: Dude, you're not tanned.
Chandler Bing: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
Chandler Bing: I see you later! end.


Monica Geller: Hey guys!
Chandler Bing: Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
Monica Geller: That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!
Rachel Green: Wait, you can't go away this weekend! It's Emma's birthday!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Rachel Green: We're having a party.
Monica Geller: Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?
Ross Geller: No.
Rachel Green: No, that day... that won't be her real birthday!
Chandler Bing: Gee if only she were one and had no idea what the hell a birthday was!
Ross Geller: C'mon you guys, this is really important to us.
Monica Geller: Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away. You know, to reconnect... emotionally.
Chandler Bing: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
Rachel Green: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Ross Geller: Yeah, we want everyone to be there. As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.
Rachel Green: And I mean, you know, you guys... This is a big deal. I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle!
Monica Geller: All right, we'll stay. We can just drive up after the party.
Chandler Bing: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
Monica Geller: Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that!
Rachel Green: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Ross Geller: Hey guys!
Ross Geller: Hey, I brought the camera for Emma's video.
Rachel Green: Oh, good, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she is 18.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, COOL!! Wow, it's like a time capsule!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, just think... she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet! With friends who right now are just like babies! And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people!
Ross Geller: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?
Rachel Green: Oh no, it's still nap time. But she'll be up soon.
Ross Geller: Ah, and where is Joey?
Rachel Green: I said it's still nap time.
Ross Geller: Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday!
Joey Tribbiani: 18, uh?
Ross Geller: Joey, NO!
Joey Tribbiani: What, what!? it's for her hot friends!
Ross Geller: When they see this you'll be 52!
Joey Tribbiani: And starting to think about settling down!
Rachel Green: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Joey Tribbiani: I'd love to! Yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: We were supposed to bring presents?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! I wrote Emma a song.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah! How was I supposed to know?
Phoebe Buffay: Joey, it's a birthday party.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, but for a one-year-old. What's the point... the other day she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow and the cow says "El-moo"! Yeah... that's a funny cup!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey hey! Where's the birthday girl?
Rachel Green: Oh, she's still napping.
Chandler Bing: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.
Rachel Green: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
Monica Geller: All right... you're right. We're sorry. Now let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started!
Rachel Green: No really, she didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her up.
Monica Geller: Are you freaking kidding me, Green?
Ross Geller: Hey!
Monica Geller: So glad you came!
Jack Geller: I can't believe Emma is already one!
Judy Geller: I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room!
Ross Geller: There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller! Let me help you with that.
Jack Geller: Thank you!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh man, this is great, uh? The three of us together again! You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us!
Jack Geller: Which one are you?
Monica Geller: I can't believe Emma is still asleep!
Chandler Bing: I know, what are we gonna do?
Monica Geller: I've got a plan. I've got a plan. I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs. You're gonna scream out and that'll wake her up!
Chandler Bing: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents!
Phoebe Buffay: So you're gonna... hit on her?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh!
Joey Tribbiani: You know, I could like maybe... I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books!
Phoebe Buffay: Or you could stick a fork in an apple!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I think Emma might like it!
Rachel Green: Oh! Emma might like what?
Joey Tribbiani: Um, my present!
Rachel Green: What did you get her?
Joey Tribbiani: Actually we prepared performances.
Phoebe Buffay: Separate performances.
Joey Tribbiani: But equally real!
Rachel Green: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?
Phoebe Buffay: Sure, yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: O K.
Rachel Green: All right, let's get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Ross Geller: Oh, great!
Phoebe Buffay: Are you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting!
Rachel Green: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
Joey Tribbiani: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.
Rachel Green: Oh, ok, which one?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, why, it's a... one of her favorites, uh, "Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression" eesh! "Love you forever". Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be". . And while he rocked her, he sang "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be".
Rachel Green: Wow! That was amazing!
Ross Geller: Thank you so much for that gift!
Chandler Bing: I was not ready for this today!
Ross Geller: Amazing... amazing.
Rachel Green: Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry! Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Phoebe Buffay: That's right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift, than the gift of music. Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Rachel Green: Is that it?
Phoebe Buffay: No, of course not! I also, you know, prepared a reading . "Sex and the single mother. Finding your G-spot.
Everyone: No, no, no, no, no!
Judy Geller: Hello Emma. Happy eighteenth birthday.
Jack Geller: Right now that seems so far away, seventeen years.
Judy Geller: Yes, you'll be all grown up by then. We'll be... Well your grandfather and I might not be here.
Jack Geller: That's true! This message could becoming to you from beyond the grave, Emma!
Judy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.
Jack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts!
Judy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too!
Ross Geller: Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!
Rachel Green: Ross, um, don't forget to get a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.
Ross Geller: Sure.
Rachel Green: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino's.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.
Rachel Green: Well, anyway, they make these great novelty cakes, in all different shapes, and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!
Monica Geller: Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?
Rachel Green: Yes! On a cake shaped like a bunny.
Ross Geller: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake erotic cakes? Say for bachelorette parties?
Rachel Green: Ross, what are you talking about? oh! Oh my God! They put my baby's face on a penis!
Phoebe Buffay: oh! Now it's a party!
Rachel Green: Why you guys this isn't funny, all right? If I wanted this cake to be a disaster I would have baked it myself!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
Judy Geller: Jack, look at this.
Jack Geller: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!
Ross Geller: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.
Rachel Green: No, no, this is not what I ordered. Ok? I went all the way to New Jersey so that I could have the perfect cake for my daughter's birthday and I need a bunny cake, right now!
Ross Geller: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby's face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. . That is a weird sentence!
Rachel Green: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... Joey, don't touch it!!
Joey Tribbiani: I'm so confused!
Rachel Green: Yes, yes. I still want my daughters picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
Chandler Bing: To be fair this one does have nuts.
Ross Geller: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
Monica Geller: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!
Ross Geller: Well, you know what? While we're waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh? Ok!
Chandler Bing: Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?
Monica Geller: We're Aunt Monica and uncle Chandler, by the way. You may not recognize us, because we haven't spoken to your parents in seventeen years!
Chandler Bing: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday.
Monica Geller: Ross, Rachel promised it would be over by now. We seriously have to go, if we want to get to Vermont. I called them and the last train leaves in a half hour.
Phoebe Buffay: And you know, I have a massage client soon.
Ross Geller: You guys, just please.. a little bit longer. I promise, Rachel will be back with the cake any minute. Monica, remember.. the frosting? huh?
Monica Geller: Alright, 5 more minutes.
Ross Geller: Hello? Oh no! What happened? Ok ok, where are you? . Ok, I'll be right there.
Chandler Bing: Was that Emma? Is she up?
Ross Geller: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.
Monica Geller: No! Wait! If anybody gets to go.. it's us We've been complaining the longest!
Ross Geller: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?
Chandler Bing: I don't know! You'll tell us on Monday!
Ross Geller: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves!
Joey Tribbiani: Got it! Hey hey hey! Where do you think you're going?
Chandler Bing: To the bathroom!
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, well the rest of you get comfortable, ok, because we're gonna be here for a li... Wait a minute, there is a window in there!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy!
Chandler Bing: What are you doing? Get the hell out of here!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, that one did not have Emma's face on it.
Phoebe Buffay: No, it did not.
Joey Tribbiani: No.
Judy Geller: Well, we better get going, it's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night anymore. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.
Judy Geller: Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok!
Judy Geller: Bye... Bye dear.
Joey Tribbiani: Nighty-night!
Judy Geller: Nighty-night!
Joey Tribbiani: Bye, bye.
Phoebe Buffay: Joey? How could you just let them leave?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.
Monica Geller: No, he didn't! He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in.
Chandler Bing: You do know, I can just turn them the other way around, right?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! I forgot you used to live here!
Joey Tribbiani: Hello?
Estelle Leonard: Joey! It's Estelle!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Estelle Leonard: So, how did your audition go today?
Joey Tribbiani: What audition?
Estelle Leonard: The one I told you about last week?
Joey Tribbiani: What? You never said anything about an audition!
Estelle Leonard: Let me start over. I just got a call about an audition. I think you can still make it. It's down at the Astor Theatre and you need to have a monologue prepared.
Joey Tribbiani: A monologue? I don't have.. I got it. Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
Phoebe Buffay: Wh.. what? No wait, you don't get to leave! I've got a massage client waiting outside my door any minute!
Monica Geller: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, oh, ok now... Only one of us has to stay with Emma. Ok, and as the person who realized that, I get to go!
Monica Geller: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! I got it! Ok, everyone pick a number from one to ten. Alright? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Monica Geller: Ok, ten.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?
Phoebe Buffay: No, lets just draw straws.
Joey Tribbiani: Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..
Chandler Bing: I'm begging you stop.
Joey Tribbiani: Right.
Monica Geller: Ok, how about this: We got wind up toys for Emma for her birthday. We can make them race, and whoever comes in last, stays!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah!! Let's do that!
Chandler Bing: That sounds more fun than the thing we were going to do in Vermont!
Monica Geller: Everybody get your toys!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok! I want the dolphin!
Chandler Bing: Thats a bear.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm too excited!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, wind your toys!
Chandler Bing: Ok, on your mark... Get set... GO!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Go! Go!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on robot!
Monica Geller: What are you barking at?
Monica Geller: Wha... How the hell is that gonna help?
Chandler Bing: I bought you. How did I forget that that's all you do?
Joey Tribbiani: Way to go robot!
Phoebe Buffay: Good job Alan!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, good race you guys.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, see you later!
Monica Geller: No! No, no... wait! We didn't lose. The rules clearly stated that the last one to cross the finish line was the loser. Well, our dog never crossed the finish line, so technically...
Chandler Bing: They left.
Rachel Green: No, there isn't time to go to the bakery. We're just gonna come home... Everybody left? Alright, well just tell Emma we're gonna be there as soon as we can. Bye...
Ross Geller: RACHEL!
Rachel Green: OOH! God! Sorry!
Ross Geller: I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.
Rachel Green: Emma's awake.
Ross Geller: Yeah?
Rachel Green: I can't believe this. This is her first birthday. She's awake. We're not even there. Everybody left. We still have this stupid obscene cake.
Ross Geller: Hey, maybe I can fix that, you know. Try to turn it into something else.
Rachel Green: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Ross Geller: Rach, she's not going to remember this.
Rachel Green: I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! They have to learn!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Rachel Green: What?
Ross Geller: It's not bad.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! Look what... you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?
Ross Geller: Well, I just made these two things uhm... cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.
Rachel Green: Well, I'm very impressed.
Ross Geller: Some can sing, some can dance. I apparently can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.
Monica Geller: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Monica Geller: Game?
Chandler Bing: Emma, you even know it's your birthday today? You're one! One-year-old, that's little.
Chandler Bing: Ooh! That's my girl!
Monica Geller: That's how old you are.
Chandler Bing: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
Monica Geller: Ooh, I want one...
Chandler Bing: Me too...
Chandler Bing: There's no-one around. Why don't we just take this one?
Monica Geller: ...and head to Canada!
Chandler Bing: I was kidding.
Monica Geller: I wasn't. Let's get going!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
Chandler Bing: No, not yet.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good, I didn't miss the party.
Monica Geller: What about your massage client?
Phoebe Buffay: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!
Joey Tribbiani: I've been here the whole time!
Ross Geller: Joey, we just saw you come in. You ran past us on the stairs.
Rachel Green: I don't care that you left. I'm just glad that you're here. Thanks you guys!
Chandler Bing: Hey, guys! Come on! You gotta see what Emma just did.
Rachel Green: What?
Chandler Bing: Emma, how old are you? How old are you today?
Emma: Wo-ish.
Rachel Green: Oh! Emma, that's right! You're that many!
Ross Geller: Oh my God! Our daughter's a genius! Rach, this means...
Rachel Green: NO, no science camp!
Ross Geller: Damnit! I'll put a candle on the cake.
Rachel Green: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!
Monica Geller: Thanks!
Ross Geller: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Chandler Bing: Let's do it, come on!
Ross Geller: What's wrong? Are you okay?
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, nothing! These are happy tears! This is just what I wanted.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, you made it into a bunny.
Joey Tribbiani: What is wrong with me. It looked more delicious when it was a penis.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Ross Geller: Okay, you ready?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Ross Geller: A-a-and... record.
Rachel Green: Okay. Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Phoebe Buffay: Go, go, go Alan! Run you, hairy bastard! end.