Chandler Bing: Did you see our bank statement? Can this be right?
Monica Geller: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
Chandler Bing: I'm not sure what they did, but I'm inclined to blame Enron.
Monica Geller: I guess with you doing the internship, we're just spending more than we're bringing in.
Chandler Bing: Maybe I should quit and get a job that pays.
Monica Geller: Oh, But you're finally doing something that you love! I can't ask you to give that up. Though it'd be nice if the thing that you love was y'know... finding gold.
Chandler Bing: You know what? You know what? I think we're making too big a deal out of this. ok? So we pay our bills a little late this month and maybe next month we cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're chef... what can you make out of backing soda and beer?
Monica Geller: Ok worse case scenario is...we borrow some money from my parents.
Chandler Bing: No! We're not borrowing money.
Monica Geller: Why not?
Chandler Bing: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Monica Geller: Wow! I Had no idea you had this much pride.
Chandler Bing: That's right! I do! And I'm your man. And I'm going to get us through this situation even if it means you working twice as hard.
Mike Hannigan: I'm gonna go.
Phoebe Buffay: Why??
Mike Hannigan: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh...you don't have to go, I have something that will fit you.
Mike Hannigan: I put that tube top on as a joke.
Phoebe Buffay: I want you to stay.
Mike Hannigan: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
Phoebe Buffay: Why don't you turn them inside ou...
Mike Hannigan: Done it. I'll be back in a couple of hours.
Phoebe Buffay: I'll miss you.
Mike Hannigan: Me too. You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.
Phoebe Buffay: Great! Ok...I'll go get the tube top.
Mike Hannigan: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say "Hell yeah!"
Mike Hannigan: So we're doing it?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
Mike Hannigan: Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: I've always wanted to live with a guy. "Pick up your socks!" "Put down the toilet seat!" "No! We're not having sex anymore!" It's gonna be fun!
Monica Geller: Hey Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Monica Geller: Listen...I need to know that what I'm about to ask you, will never get back to Chandler.
Joey Tribbiani: I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it myself. Chandler is my best friend, it would be wrong. Good...But wrong.
Monica Geller: Ok first of all...It would be great. But that's not what I'm here to talk to you about. I need to borrow some money.
Joey Tribbiani: Aww, I don't know Monica y'know... erm... lending friends money is always a mistake.
Monica Geller: But Chandler lent you money!
Joey Tribbiani: And I think he would tell you it was a mistake.
Monica Geller: Come on...I just need it for some rent and..and some other bills.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh...how much?
Monica Geller: Two thousand dollars?
Joey Tribbiani: Two thousand dollars!? What do you think I am? I soap opera star!?
Monica Geller: Yeah...
Joey Tribbiani: That's right I am!
Rachel Green: Hi you guys!
Joey Tribbiani: Oo...what's in the bag?
Rachel Green: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!" Huh!
Monica Geller: Anyway erm, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?
Rachel Green: No. I was just going to do this myself.
Joey Tribbiani: You're gonna do it?
Rachel Green: Yeah, Why? You don't think a woman can do this?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, women can. You can't.
Rachel Green: Monica...would you please tell Joey that he is a pig?
Monica Geller: You're a pig. And you can't do this.
Rachel Green: Wha!? What!? Come on! I found the hardware store all by myself!
Joey Tribbiani: The hardware store is right down the street.
Rachel Green: There is a hardware store right down the street?
Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Ok, we've got great news.
Mike Hannigan: Phoebe and I are moving in together.
Phoebe Buffay: I know it's so exciting! You know I've never lived with a guy before.
Monica Geller: Well you know it's just like living with a girl. Only they don't steal your makeup. Unless they're playing "This is what my sister would look like"
Chandler Bing: Yeah... she's not so cute.
Mike Hannigan: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well you put down the toilet seat.
Mike Hannigan: Yes dear.
Monica Geller: Is that a bit you guys do?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh huh...we're playing you two.
Monica Geller: We don't do that! Tell her we don't do that!
Chandler Bing: Yes dear.
Ross Geller: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's, that's great! I mean...I'm happy for you guys..
Monica Geller: I hear wedding bells.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Ross Geller: Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional.
Phoebe Buffay: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!
Mike Hannigan: You ready to go?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! You bet roomy!
Monica Geller: Don't you mean..groomy?
Mike Hannigan: What are you talking about?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns.
Phoebe Buffay: China patterns!!!!!
Rachel Green: This is easy...Can't do this! Oh! Wow! Seriously I can't do this.
Chandler Bing: Hey Joe!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Listen er..I need to ask you a favor but you can't tell Monica anything about it.
Joey Tribbiani: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica.
Chandler Bing: And that would have made the official party line. Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I know.
Chandler Bing: What? What do you mean you know?
Joey Tribbiani: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.
Chandler Bing: Oh! Right.
Joey Tribbiani: That's the fastest I have ever thought!
Chandler Bing: Anyway, err... I need to borrow some money.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Sure! How much? Two thousand dollars?
Chandler Bing: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that!
Joey Tribbiani: Err...Well I...Know how much you used to make and I know how much your rent is.
Chandler Bing: Oh ok.
Joey Tribbiani: I am on fire! Chandler : Listen...this is really nice. Do you... Did you write a cheque to Monica for two thousand dollars? Did Monica borrow money from you?
Joey Tribbiani: Err... Kind of.
Chandler Bing: I can't believe her! Did she tell you we were having money problems?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no no no no no... It wasn't... It wasn't because of your money problems, it was for something for her.
Chandler Bing: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Something personal.
Chandler Bing: What would she get for herself for two thousand dollars that she wouldn't tell me about?
Woman: Excuse me.
Joey Tribbiani: Boob job.
Monica Geller: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Joey Tribbiani: Well it's...It's not that crazy okay? Making them smaller, that would be crazy.
Mike Hannigan: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Alright. Well I think the reason people laugh is becuase it's a play on the word roomy.
Mike Hannigan: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no! No no! Not at all. We're just moving in right now. See where it goes.
Mike Hannigan: Yeah well, that's the thing. For me it's as far as it can ever go.
Phoebe Buffay: What do you mean?
Mike Hannigan: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh. Wow.
Mike Hannigan: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Phoebe Buffay: Was it really that bad?
Mike Hannigan: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated...
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Mike Hannigan: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Phoebe Buffay: But it's just...
Mike Hannigan: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh!
Mike Hannigan: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
Phoebe Buffay: No! I definitely don't wanna get married. No I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to too. Whew! Coz you know when we move in and you start changing your mind there's gonna be hell to pay mister!
Mike Hannigan: Trust me, I will never...
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah I get that.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Monica Geller: So you gave in and decided to call someone?
Rachel Green: Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks.
Handyman: You're all set.
Rachel Green: Oh thank you so much. Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game.
Handyman: Thanks...
Chandler Bing: Hey Rach! There she is...My perfectly proportioned wife.
Rachel Green: Don't look at me I never get his jokes.
Monica Geller: Thank you?
Chandler Bing: Oh no..don't thank me. Thank you. You know there's not one thing I would change about you? Not one single thing! And definitely not... two... single things.
Monica Geller: Ok, you're being wierd. Do you want sex or did you do something bad?
Chandler Bing: No no! I just love the way you look, I am warm, for your form.
Monica Geller: Ok..You know the old classics you know,You look nice? They're still ok.
Chandler Bing: Well yes yes... You look nice can mean that your face looks nice. I want to compliment your body. I mean..I wouldn't change it. At all. And more specifically, I wouldn't want anything to get any bigger.
Monica Geller: Okay...
Chandler Bing: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.
Rachel Green: Just when you thought that dude couldn't get any wierder.
Monica Geller: I know why do you think he was so worried about me getting bigger?
Rachel Green: I don't know! I mean, what brought that on?
Monica Geller: Oh my god. We're trying to get pregnant so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact that my body is going to change.
Rachel Green: No you really think that's what it is?
Monica Geller: You heard him! "No bigger!" "You're perfect!" "Just don't get any bigger!" Oh my god he sounded just like my high school wrestling coach. You know what? I'm going to have to talk to Chandler.
Rachel Green: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. God! It's just such a magical time!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.
Ross Geller: Oh great now you're seeking me out to make jokes? I mean I can see for all hanging out but to come to my home!
Phoebe Buffay: No...I really wanted to know how you feel about it.
Ross Geller: Why?
Phoebe Buffay: Mike doesn't ever wanna get married.
Ross Geller: Never?
Phoebe Buffay: Never.
Ross Geller: wow, are you still going to move in with him?
Phoebe Buffay: I want to, but I just want you to tell me that marriage isn't really that big a deal. You know that I won't, I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks!
Ross Geller: Yeah, marriage... stinks! I mean if you wanna see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving? Get them married.
Phoebe Buffay: That's not how you really feel is it?
Ross Geller: No, I'm sorry. Look I don't think that's what you wanna hear right now but I can't help it. I love marriage.
Phoebe Buffay: Seriously? You divorce-o?
Ross Geller: If you have to call me name, I prefer "Ross the Divorcer". It's just cooler. Look, I know my marriage isn't exactly work out. But I love to be that committed to another person. And Carol had some good times before she became a lesbian... and once afterward. I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: It's ok that's how you feel.
Ross Geller: But come on! I mean living together will be great! I mean you guys have so much fun and you love Mike.
Phoebe Buffay: I do love Mike.
Ross Geller: Yeah see? And you are so excited about moving in together before, and you know what? You should be. It's a big deal!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah I guess you're right. Yeah thanks. This helped. Thanks.
Ross Geller: The Divorcer, to the rescue!
Phoebe Buffay: It's not cooler.
Ross Geller: Yeah I just hurt it.
Joey Tribbiani: Rach?! Rachel!!!!? So I can't do anything I like????
Chandler Bing: Hey Rach! Ah... Perfection. Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.
Monica Geller: Honey?
Chandler Bing: Yeah?
Monica Geller: About that? Erm...I'm going to change.
Chandler Bing: But honey you don't have to.
Monica Geller: I'm going to get bigger!
Chandler Bing: Honey I... I love your breasts the way they are!
Rachel Green: Argh. fascist.
Monica Geller: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Chandler Bing: your ass?!?!?
Rachel Green: Man, don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger too!
Chandler Bing: They...do that?
Monica Geller: It's kind of a package deal!
Chandler Bing: God why why would you want to do that to yourself!?
Monica Geller: I thought I was something that we both wanted!
Chandler Bing: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Rachel Green: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Chandler Bing: What?
Rachel Green: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey Tribbiani: Because she is!
Monica Geller: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey Tribbiani: Mmmm hmm! For your boob job!
Joey Tribbiani: OK so I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
Ross Geller: Hey! What do you guys think about this. "Ross: The Divorce-Force".
Phoebe Buffay: Better.
Mike Hannigan: Very cool.
Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs, you know I'm i'm really glad you came to talk to me the other day and I hope I was a little helpful.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah you were helpful! Yeah, no, thanks you.
Ross Geller: Good, good. Yeah coz the more I thought about it, the more I realised I don't think marriage is neccessarily the right path for you.
Phoebe Buffay: What do you mean?
Ross Geller: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Phoebe Buffay: They are awfully boxy...
Ross Geller: I don't know you'd be so bored with marriage. I mean it's so... normal.
Phoebe Buffay: Uh huh.
Ross Geller: Hey hey, can I help?
Chandler Bing: Well! We er..climbed up four flights of stairs, manueveored a narrow hallway, dodged a rabid pitbul... but these last three feet are where it gets really tricky.
Ross Geller: You know sometimes your words... they hurt.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey uh, where do you guys want this?
Rachel Green: Yeah, seriously coz this is really heavy. I mean not for me because i'm only pretending to hold this, but for these guys.
Phoebe Buffay: Just one last time erm... the marriage thing... there's no wiggle room? None at all?
Mike Hannigan: No but... You don't want to get married either right?
Phoebe Buffay: Right. Except that I do want to get married.
Joey Tribbiani: Couldn't have this conversation down at the truck huh?
Mike Hannigan: You wanna get married?
Phoebe Buffay: Someday.
Chandler Bing: Aaaaand... hernia.
Phoebe Buffay: I haven't exactly had a normal life and I never really felt I was missing out on anything but it just feels that now it's my turn some of the regular stuff.
Mike Hannigan: But if you wanna get married why didn't you say something before?
Phoebe Buffay: Because I just didn't know how much I wanted it. And I love you, and I wanted to live with you.
Mike Hannigan: I want to live with you too! Let's do that!
Phoebe Buffay: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.
Mike Hannigan: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Phoebe Buffay: Are you gonna change yours?
Mike Hannigan: No.
Phoebe Buffay: Me neither. I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.
Mike Hannigan: But I don't want this to end.
Phoebe Buffay: I don't want it to end either.
Mike Hannigan: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Mike Hannigan: Ok... so... Goodbye.
Rachel Green: I'm so sorry Pheebs.
Monica Geller: We're all sorry...
Chandler Bing: Ah, look on the bright side, I mean you won't have to live with this ugly chair! That was here already huh? I love you.
Joey Tribbiani: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!


Chandler Bing: Hey! Ready to go?
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, let me just finish this.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, check this out! yeah, I can't do that!
Chandler Bing: What are you doin'?
Ross Geller: Have you seen this? It's a new alumni website for college! It's cool! You can post messages for people, let everyone know what you're up to.
Chandler Bing: Great, a faster way to tell people that I'm unemployed and childless .
Ross Geller: It's actually kinda interesting to find out what people are doing... remember Andrea Rich?
Chandler Bing: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Ross Geller: Uh uh... well, her Internet Company went under and she lost an ear in a boating accident...
Chandler Bing: Bet she'd sleep with you now...
Ross Geller: No... I already e-mailed her.
Chandler Bing: Let me see what you wrote about yourself: "Doctor Paleontology, two kids... " You split with Carol because you have different interests?... I think you split with Carol because you've one very similar interest!
Ross Geller: You know what? I'm gonna finish this later, ok? Let me just grab my coat.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes??
Chandler Bing: Maybe we finish this for him! "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Ross Geller: Alright, let's go!
Joey Tribbiani: Dude!
Ross Geller: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!
Joey Tribbiani: aaand SEND! Opening credits.
Rachel Green: Hey! How was basketball?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Rachel Green: Oh, no! Who did that?
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler... hey... Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma?
Rachel Green: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that!
Rachel Green: Joey... are you sure? I mean, I know how much you love him!
Joey Tribbiani: Rachel... let's be clear on this, ok? I do not love Hugsy. I like him a normal amount...
Rachel Green: All right... Oh, Emma loves him!
Joey Tribbiani: Why wouldn't she? He's a wonderful person!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better?
Phoebe Buffay: Breaking up sucks! Oh, I really miss Mike!
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this...
Chandler Bing: You're not gonna need my help?
Phoebe Buffay: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Chandler Bing: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Monica Geller: Ok, you got it!
Phoebe Buffay: Unless... Maybe it's too crazy about this... Alright so... you know, there is no future... but that doesn't mean we still can't have fun. You know what? Forget what I said.
Monica Geller: Really? If that's what you want...
Phoebe Buffay: That was a test and you just failed.
Monica Geller: Damn it! Rookie mistake!
Ross Geller: I have sex with dinosaurs??
Chandler Bing: I believe I read that somewhere!
Ross Geller: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... It's not funny!!
Chandler Bing: I respectfully disagree.
Ross Geller: I can't believe you put that on my alumni page!
Chandler Bing: Who cares? Nobody reads those things.
Ross Geller: You'd better hope not because I just read what you put on your page today.
Chandler Bing: I don't have a page.
Ross Geller: Oh oh oh! I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!!
Joey Tribbiani: Look at you, all sweet and innocent, sleeping like an angel... with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around ya. It's okay, Emma, you stay asleep.
Rachel Green: : Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!
Joey Tribbiani: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.
Rachel Green: What are you doing?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I heard Emma stirring, so I came to make sure she could reach Hugsy.
Rachel Green: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Joey Tribbiani: There you go sweetie... This isn't over.
Monica Geller: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... "gay as the day is long"?
Chandler Bing: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
Monica Geller: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true.
Chandler Bing: Would you get that please? People have been calling to congratulate me all day.
Monica Geller: Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
Chandler Bing: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go .
Monica Geller: What are you doing?
Chandler Bing: Oh, you'll see my friend.
Ross Geller: I'm dead?
Chandler Bing: And so young.
Ross Geller: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.
Chandler Bing: Well, how you died was funny.
Ross Geller: Oh please, hit by a blimp?
Chandler Bing: It kills over one americans every year.
Ross Geller: Unbelievable, my classmates are gonna think I'm dead, my professors, my... my parents are gonna get phone calls. You're messing with people's feelings here.
Chandler Bing: You wanna talk about people's feelings? You should have heard how hurt professor Stern was yesterday when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him to Key West!
Ross Geller: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Phoebe Buffay: God, I wish Mike were here.
Monica Geller: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Monica Geller: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!
Phoebe Buffay: I gotta call him. Just to talk to him, there's no harm in that.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. Give me your phone.
Phoebe Buffay: Here.
Monica Geller: And now your cell.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Monica Geller: This is your cellphone?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes.
Monica Geller: This is your current cellphone?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes, it reminds me of a simpler time.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, where's your purse?
Monica Geller: No, no! Give it to me!
Phoebe Buffay: You can't have it.
Monica Geller: Give it to me!
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: I'll go in there.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah.
Monica Geller: Phoebe come here.
Monica Geller: Haha!
Phoebe Buffay: Damn you Monica Geller hyphen Bing!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, look who's here! It's Joey, and he brought home a friend.
Rachel Green: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, it's not a girl, it's... a brand new Hugsy!
Rachel Green: Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
Rachel Green: Oh you know what? When I was a little girl I had a little pink pony named Cotton. Oh I loved her so much, I took her everywhere, I would braid her tail...
Joey Tribbiani: Make the transfer!
Rachel Green: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, no don't worry about that, I swallowed that years ago.
Rachel Green: Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy.
Joey Tribbiani: But he's the same.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Joey Tribbiani: But he's the same.
Rachel Green: Joey, come on!
Joey Tribbiani: He's the same! .
Joey Tribbiani: You're not the same!
Monica Geller: Haha!
Phoebe Buffay: You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building.
Monica Geller: So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door.
Phoebe Buffay: Those are my shoes.
Monica Geller: Oh, when you get over this breakup we need to go shopping.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, I really appreciate you checking in on me, but I'm actually feeling a lot better. Yeah, I just kinda want to be alone right now.
Monica Geller: Who's that?
Phoebe Buffay: I ordered Chinese food.
Phoebe Buffay: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?
Monica Geller: What are you doing here?
Mike Hannigan: Phoebe called me.
Monica Geller: Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him.
Monica Geller: Damnit Phoebe! How did you even call him?
Phoebe Buffay: There is a speakerphone on the base unit...
Monica Geller: Base Unit! Think Monica! Think!
Mike Hannigan: Look, if I wanna see Phoebe and she wants to see...
Monica Geller: This doesn't concern you!!
Mike Hannigan: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Monica Geller: Look, guys, you can't do this, it's just going to make getting over each other, that much harder.
Phoebe Buffay: Not if nothing happens. Why can't... why can't we just hang out as friends?
Monica Geller: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend and Mike's friend .
Phoebe Buffay: Sit down.
Monica Geller: Oh wow wow wow!! Make room for your friend!
Mike Hannigan: So how've you been?
Monica Geller: I've been pretty good!
Mike Hannigan: You look really beautiful.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks, you look good too.
Monica Geller: Oh no no no no... this is dangerous territory. Keep it clean!
Phoebe Buffay: So how's the piano playing going?
Mike Hannigan: Actually I've been playing a lot of love songs lately. I've missed you.
Phoebe Buffay: I've missed you too.
Monica Geller: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
Chandler Bing: Hey, Ross, I just wanted to apologize... ..don't tell me you actually made those gay pictures of me?
Ross Geller: uhu uhu, check this out.
Chandler Bing: Huh! So that's what I would look like if I worked out... and was being serviced by a policeman. You're not actually going to send these out are ya?
Ross Geller: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Chandler Bing: No, come on, you know that's not true.
Ross Geller: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!
Chandler Bing: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.
Ross Geller: I can't believe this. Not even my geology lab partner? And I carried that guy!
Chandler Bing: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
Ross Geller: You're right. There isn't a decent outlet.
Chandler Bing: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Ross Geller: Exactly!!
Chandler Bing: Ross, what're you... what're you... what are you doing? You're having a memorial service for yourself!?
Ross Geller: No! That would be stupid! You're having it for me!
Chandler Bing: Ross, don't press send, don't press se... !
Ross Geller: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...
Rachel Green: I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap, have you seen Hugsy?
Joey Tribbiani: Original or crappy?
Rachel Green: Original.
Joey Tribbiani: No, sorry haven't seen him.
Rachel Green: Then what's that big lump under your covers?
Joey Tribbiani: It's Monica, ok?
Rachel Green: That's not Monica!
Joey Tribbiani: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..
Rachel Green: Oh God.
Joey Tribbiani: ... she's being unreasonable!
Rachel Green: Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much Oh don't cover its ears! It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: It does?
Rachel Green: Yeah! And she's comforted by him because she loves her uncle Joey so much.
Joey Tribbiani: Really? She... she loves me?
Rachel Green: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever .
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.
Rachel Green: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. Look Emma, look who's baaack!
Joey Tribbiani: Look forget it forget it... I can't do it.
Rachel Green: Are you gonna... you're going to take Hugsy away from a little child?
Joey Tribbiani: How do you think I got him in the first place?
Monica Geller: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.
Mike Hannigan: I've missed you so much! No, I'm not gonna ask you to get back together because I know we want different things, but just to be with you one more night.
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I want that too, but IS that going to make it too hard?
Mike Hannigan: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Monica Geller: Kiss him, you fool!!
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Monica Geller: Didn't you hear that speech? If you don't kiss him then I will!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I missed you so much!
Strange Man: I knew you'd be here!
Mike Hannigan: Oh, crap!
Phoebe Buffay: Who is this?
Mike Hannigan: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Monica Geller: Hi, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe!
Manny: Well, you are not doing a very good job!
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Manny: What's with the kissing?
Monica Geller: Hey, at least I knew where my guy was.
Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!
Monica Geller: You didn't hear the speech!
Manny: I've heard the speech: "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Monica Geller: Hey, it was very moving! You're just heartless!
Manny: You're weak!
Monica Geller: You're... weird!
Manny: Your pants are undone!
Monica Geller: Oh !
Manny: Where did they go?
Monica Geller: Damn it!
Manny: Oh we blew it. I blame myself.
Monica Geller: And I blame you too.
Ross Geller: It's been an hour and not one of my classmates has shown up! I tell you, when I actually die some people are gonna get seriously haunted!
Chandler Bing: There you go! Someone came!
Ross Geller: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner!
Monica Geller: Hi, glad you could come.
Chandler Bing: Please, come in.
Tom: Hi, you're Chandler Bing, right? I'm Tom Gordon, I was in your class.
Chandler Bing: Oh yes, yes... let me... take your coat.
Tom: Thanks... uh... I'm so sorry about Ross, it's...
Chandler Bing: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps.
Ross Geller: Who is he?
Chandler Bing: Some guy, Tom Gordon.
Ross Geller: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives.
Monica Geller: So, did you know Ross well?
Tom: Oh, actually I barely knew him. Yeah, I came because I heard Chandler's news. D'you know if he's seeing anyone?
Monica Geller: Yes, he is. Me.
Tom: What? You... You... Oh! Can I ask you a personal question? Ho-how do you shave your beard so close?
Chandler Bing: Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!!
Tom: Hey, listen. Call me.
Chandler Bing: Ok!
Ross Geller: I'm dead and no one cares?
Monica Geller: I look like a man??
Chandler Bing: Please, one ridiculous problem at a time!
Ross Geller: It isn't ridiculous, look around! No one's here!
Chandler Bing: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Ross Geller: Yes, you're right. Still somebody must have seen it... I mean, I went to that school for 4 years, I didn't have an impact on anyone?
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's not true. You had an impact on me, I mean, it's 15 years later and we're still best friends. Doesn't that count for something?
Ross Geller: Yeah... Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler Bing: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide.
Kori: Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service.
Chandler Bing: Kori? Kori Weston?
Kori: Yeah...
Chandler Bing: Wow! You look amazing!
Kori: And you are...
Chandler Bing: Chandler, Chandler Bing. I'm not gay, I'm not gay at all.
Monica Geller: You are married though.
Chandler Bing: Don't listen to him, he's in a really bad mood!
Kori: I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is just so sad.
Chandler Bing: I didn't know Ross and you were so close.
Kori: We weren't but we had one class together. He was such a great guy and he talked so passionately about science. I always remembered him.
Chandler Bing: I'm sure that would mean a lot to him. And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.
Kori: I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out. I guess I really missed my chance.
Ross Geller: But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you!
Ross Geller: Did you hear that? Kori Weston had a crush on me!!
Ross Geller: No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. Monica?


Joey Tribbiani: Monica, hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
Monica Geller: Ok.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright!
Monica Geller: But ehm...what is it not?
Joey Tribbiani: A place to entertain my lady friends.
Monica Geller: And what else is it not?
Joey Tribbiani: A place to eat spaghetti.
Monica Geller: Very good! What do you need it for anyway?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...
Rachel Green: Oh! So you're driving up to Connecticut?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah Connecticut...Not West Virginia.
Monica Geller: Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there! I'd like to buy some tickets myself!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh!
Monica Geller: Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey will you get me tickets too?
Rachel Green: Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it! Everyone almost simultaneously except Ross: yeah thats a great idea!
Ross Geller: No thanks!
Phoebe Buffay: You don't wanna win the lottery?
Ross Geller: Uh...sure I do, and I also wanna be King of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
Chandler Bing: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Ross Geller: The woman just vanished!
Joey Tribbiani: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
Ross Geller: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Chandler Bing: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Joey Tribbiani: I like those odds!
Ross Geller: Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki.
Chandler Bing: I'll ask. Boohaki?
Ross Geller: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
Rachel Green: Yeah so get ready to hear alot of ehm...boohaki, goshdarnit and brotherpucker.
Monica Geller: How do you know she's gonna start talking?
Rachel Green: Well when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
Chandler Bing: Kinda like Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: What's that now? Opening credits.
Monica Geller: God! Look at all these tickets! It's so exciting! You know I haven't won anything since the sixth grade.
Chandler Bing: Pie eating contest?
Monica Geller: Oh! You assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something?
Chandler Bing: No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
Monica Geller: That was a good day!
Ross Geller: They're towing your car, they're towing your car!!
Monica Geller: I'm parked in a garage on Morton!
Ross Geller: They're towing a car. And I am seeing...spots.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my god Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel you don't have Emma! Where's Emma? Who has Emma!?
Rachel Green: Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!
Joey Tribbiani: I was?
Racel: Yes and you talked to her...
Joey Tribbiani: I did?
Rachel Green: She dropped off a casserole?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! The casserole lady.
Monica Geller: So, did you come by to watch us win the big bucks?
Ross Geller: Yeah, uh... and then I figured after you win, we could all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it!
Chandler Bing: Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!!
Ross Geller: Think he washed his hands?
Chandler Bing: Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
Rachel Green: What's going on?
Monica Geller: Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh! Tough odds!
Ross Geller: Yeah if only it were a sure thing like your 24 state lottery!
Joey Tribbiani: Look who's coming around!
Chandler Bing: Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Joey Tribbiani: Did you get it?
Chandler Bing: One of the slots got filled.
Joey Tribbiani: By you!?
Chandler Bing: Sense the tone! No that kid Nate got it.
Monica Geller: Oh! I hate that guy! I mean come on kid! Pull up your pants!
Chandler Bing: Yeah I know.
Rachel Green: Well, there's two spots left right?
Chandler Bing: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
Monica Geller: Hey that reminds me, I thought we could use some extra luck so I brought a wishbone home from work.
Ross Geller: A psychic AND a wishbone? Guys! Give someone else a chance!
Monica Geller: Alright, who wants to do it?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Monica Geller: Ok, hey Rach?
Rachel Green: Oh no, I'm good, I don't wanna get that turkey smell all over my hands.
Joey Tribbiani: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
Phoebe Buffay: I hope I win!
Monica Geller: Well, it doesn't really matter ... you're both wishing for the same thing, right?
Joey Tribbiani: I can't tell you what I'm wishing for! Else...you know...won't come true!
Monica Geller: Right! .. but we "know" what you're wishing for!
Joey Tribbiani: Can't really say!
Monica Geller: I understand, but you're wishing for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm not really comfortable with these questions!
Phoebe Buffay: One, two, three!
Joey Tribbiani: I won, hey!
Ross Geller: You know what, I'm sure your wish is gonna come true, but, you guys - just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp! Ah!! That thing gets hot!!
Rachel Green: You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you gonna feel if we actually do win?
Ross Geller: Uh, you're not gonna win.
Rachel Green: Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like "oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape" and you're gonna be all like "oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai"
Ross Geller: Ok, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.
Chandler Bing: I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
Ross Geller: Why would I eat my own arm?
Chandler Bing: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
Monica Geller: You know what, Ross? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.
Ross Geller: Why?
Monica Geller: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Ross Geller: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here.
Phoebe Buffay: Get a room!
Chandler Bing: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Ross Geller: I don't know, probably just invest it.
Chandler Bing: Ooh! Calm down ...
Joey Tribbiani: Seriously, that's your fantasy? To invest it?
Ross Geller: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "invest it"? I meant "be cool and piss it all away"
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, ooh, I know! We should pool all own money and buy the Knicks!
Rachel Green: I don't really care about the Knicks.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you will when I pick you as starting forward.
Rachel Green: You would do that? I never get picked!
Chandler Bing: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Joey Tribbiani: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
Chandler Bing: You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
Ross Geller: Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy?
Chandler Bing: I'll take this one too Uh ... Mommy?
Ross Geller: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...
Rachel Green: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
Ross Geller: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, I like that, "daddy"
Ross Geller: I ... I was just talking about Rachel.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, is daddy getting angry? Is daddy gonna spank me?
Ross Geller: Well that depends ... have you been a baaad gi .. no I can't.
Chandler Bing: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot left, right?
Chandler Bing: Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
Monica Geller: Hey, don't say that! You got just as good a chance as anybody else of getting that job!
Chandler Bing: He's the boss's son.
Monica Geller: Come on, lottery!!
Rachel Green: Ooh, you guys, it starts in like 20 minutes.
Monica Geller: Ok, here we go. We need to sort out the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won. So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? Ok, how about this: we divide them into 6 groups of 40, and the remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel Green: Ooh, I have another idea!
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, idea time is over.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, well, are all the tickets in the bowl?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
Monica Geller: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler Bing: Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
Monica Geller: Un, no you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler Bing: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
Monica Geller: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Rachel Green: Well, well, well, look what mommy found!!
Monica Geller: Ok, fine!! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.
Phoebe Buffay: Uh! The psychic also said that I would be betrayed.
Ross Geller: I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!
Monica Geller: Hey, you just got in 5 minutes ago!
Ross Geller: 3 minutes ago!!! I don't know why that's important ...
Joey Tribbiani: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut, when did you even get those?
Monica Geller: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey Tribbiani: I'll show you how.
Rachel Green: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Monica Geller: Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!
Rachel Green: Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
Chandler Bing: She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us ...
Monica Geller: Ahhh!
Chandler Bing: Let me finish ... however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!!
Monica Geller: There's the man I married!!
Rachel Green: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Monica Geller: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'd look just like you!
Rachel Green: OH! Alright, you know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets !
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I want my tickets too ! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Ross Geller: Than I want mine, too ! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together.
Monica Geller: No, no! We should divide them up and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This all thing was my idea!
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Rachel Green: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: OOOOOHHHHH!
Ross Geller: Hey, hey!!
Phoebe Buffay: OOOOOHHHHH! Fine, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!
Rachel Green: Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no!
Phoebe Buffay: If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! .
Everyone: NO!!
Phoebe Buffay: Don't come any closer!
Chandler Bing: Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
Phoebe Buffay: No, what's more important, your friends or money?
Monica Geller: Money! Friends...
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Monica, what about your extra tickets?
Monica Geller: They're all in there! Even these five that I hid in my bra ...
Ross Geller: Monica!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, good! You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this... Oh God, no! I think I broke your bowl.
Ross Geller: Go, go, go!!
Phoebe Buffay: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, we lost half of them.
Phoebe Buffay: So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Ross Geller: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
Phoebe Buffay: As a matter of fact she said that's how I am going to die. So, excuse me for being a little skittish.
Chandler Bing: Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!
Monica Geller: Oh, play them!
Chandler Bing: Ok, here we go!
Message: "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do.
Second Message: "Hey Chandler, it's Charlie"
Chandler Bing: This is..shhh!
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Monica Geller: Oh God, I am so sorry honey...
Everyone: Oh, so sorry man! Sorry!
Rachel Green: Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.
Chandler Bing: Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
Rachel Green: No, she was just much better at job than me!
Phoebe Buffay: Guys, the drawing is about to start!
Rachel Green: You know what? We should call my mum's house and say goodnight to Emma before she goes down.
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, it's a good idea!
Monica Geller: Honey, you've been really strong about this, I know how badly you wanted that job.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Monica Geller: 131!
Ross Geller: Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... Phoebe's totally ruined that for me...
Rachel Green: Hi mum, put her back on!
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing. TV: "Here we are, the official Powerball numbers! We have 53"
Chandler Bing: I got that!
Ross Geller: Oh, we have one too!!
Monica Geller: We are on a roll, people!!
Ross Geller: Come on!!
Rachel Green: Mum, please!I know you love your new lips, but I can barely understand you! Would you, please, just let me say goodnight to my daughter? TV: "And number 29! Here we go! The Powerball is 7"
Monica Geller: Check your numbers! Make me rich!
Rachel Green: Guys, you're not gonna believe this! I was just saying goodnight to Emma and she said her first words!!
Everyone: Wow!
Joey Tribbiani: And what did she say?
Rachel Green: She said "gleba"!!
Monica Geller: Make me rich!!
Rachel Green: Isn't that amazing?
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, no no no...that's great!
Rachel Green: Why-why aren't you more excited?
Ross Geller: Oh, Rach...oh..."gleba" is not a word.
Rachel Green: Oh, but of course it is!
Ross Geller: Okay, what does it mean?
Rachel Green: I don't know all the words.
Ross Geller: I'm just, I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first words .
Ross Geller: Yes you did, gleba is a word!
Ross Geller: Ok, use it in a sentence.
Rachel Green: Ok... "Emma just said gleba"!
Ross Geller: It's not a word!
Rachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up .
Ross Geller: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt...
Rachel Green: Alright, okay, okay, gleba, gleba... Gleba! Ha! Here it is: the fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
Ross Geller: She's gonna be a scientist!
Joey Tribbiani: Damnit! anybody got anything?
Chandler Bing: No.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm still looking through mine...
Monica Geller: Just double checking ...no, no, no... No!
Monica Geller: Hello? Hold on. It's your boss.
Chandler Bing: Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. Hey, Steve.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Chandler Bing: Oh no no no no, I'd love to be somebody's assistant! Answering phones, getting coffee, I live for that stuff! And I'm not too mature... farts, boobies, butt cracks!
Steve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Chandler Bing: Me, that guy who just said butt cracks?
Steve: Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.
Chandler Bing: Ok well, thanks, you won't regret it. I'll see you tomorrow .
Chandler Bing: What? Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a junior copywriter.
Everyone: Oh my God, congratulations!
Monica Geller: Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you!
Chandler Bing: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
Monica Geller: You bet! No TV or anything!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, that is so great about the job.
Chandler Bing: Thanks, man.
Joey Tribbiani: And I like to think I had a little something to do with it.
Chandler Bing: Really? What?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah? Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart right out.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.
Rachel Green: You know what? There is a little part of me that really thought we were gonna win.
Ross Geller: Me too. So much for my dinosaur/Amelia Earhart theme park.
Phoebe Buffay: You guys, what was the Powerball number again?
Phoebe Buffay: We won.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: We won!
Monica Geller: Let me see!
Phoebe Buffay: Don't tear it.
Ross Geller: Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.
Phoebe Buffay: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
Chandler Bing: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
Phoebe Buffay: I don't care, I've never won anything before, I can't believe this!
Rachel Green: So Pheebs, what are you going to do with your $3?
Phoebe Buffay: It's not all mine. We all get 50 cents.
Monica Geller: You know what? You can have mine.
Chandler Bing: Me too.
Joey Tribbiani: Me too.
Rachel Green: Me too.
Ross Geller: I guess if everybody else is... Closing credits.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
Phoebe Buffay: I beg to differ .
Gunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 .
Phoebe Buffay: Coo, again. Don't blame the pretty lady. It was not her fault. It was me, the pigeon, coo! Seriously, stop staring at her.


Joey Tribbiani: God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do. Joey: I want you.I need you.Let me make love to you.
Rachel Green: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, ehm...I'm...I'm rehearsing my lines.They gave me a big romantic story on Days Of Our Lives. It's the first time my character's got one. I'm so nervous, you know, I really want it to be good!
Rachel Green: Woow!I haven't seen you this worked up since you did that dog food commercial and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, that was a disappointment... Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?
Rachel Green: Are you serious?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah!Hey, you just have to promise not to get yourself thrown out again.
Rachel Green: Hey, that was an honest mistake!
Joey Tribbiani: Right!"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?"
Rachel Green: Yeah, that was an awesome day! Opening credits.
Monica Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Monica Geller: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?
Phoebe Buffay: Sure!
Ross Geller: I'd love to!
Monica Geller: Well you can't! We're booked solid for the next month!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I can't give you a massage, because my licence has been revoked again!
Ross Geller: Phoebe, what happened?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, it was an accident...You know, it's a lot of oil and sometimes the hand just slips! Chandler: Have I got a surprise for you? Pack your bags!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no!You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for 7 years!
Chandler Bing: What? No, I'm taking Monica to a romantic inn in Vermont !
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, good!Ok, good for you!Try to recapture the magic!
Chandler Bing: So, what do you say? Can you get out of work?
Monica Geller: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Chandler Bing: Are you really that busy?
Monica Geller: Yeah, I'm sorry. I really am.
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? Oh, can't you make an exception?"
Monica Geller: Tell them I'm a chef in a big New York restaurant!
Phoebe Buffay: And tell them that in 2 weeks I will once again be a masseuse in good standing!
Chandler Bing: "Look, this is ridiculous! I'm not paying for that room! Ok?" "Oh, thank you very much!" Yeah, I'm going to Vermont...
Ross Geller: Oh, don't worry about it! Just use your travel insurance.
Chandler Bing: I don't have travel insurance.
Ross Geller: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!
Monica Geller: Why don't you take Ross?
Ross Geller: Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
Monica Geller: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross Geller: I guess...It still seems a little... moonlight boat ride!!
Rachel Green: Hey Joey, is this the bed where Olivia lost her virginity?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, but one of the extras sure did! Hey, listen Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes!
Rachel Green: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!
Joey Tribbiani: Also so gay!
Rachel Green: Oh, in my head he's done some pretty "not-gay-stuff"!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, at the Christmas party him and Santa did some definitely gay stuff!
Director: Joey, Joey! We're ready for you!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, wish me luck!
Rachel Green: Ok, not that you need it but good...GOD!Is that Chase Lassiter?He's straight, right?
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, I gotta say...if you weren't here wondering if these guys were gay I don't know if I could do this!
Rachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, you're right.I'm sorry, good luck!
Director: On a bell please! Quietly.. and ACTION! Olivia: Drake! What are you doing in here?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Stopping you from marrying the wrong man and making the biggest mistake of your life.
Olivia: Get out!
Dr. Drake Ramoray: You don't love him!
Olivia: What do you know about love?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.
Olivia: That kiss never happened.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Oh, what about this one. Rachel: OH!
Olivia: No, I told you...get out!
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Fine. I'll go. But let me ask you one question...
Chase Lassiter: You look familiar, have we...
Rachel Green: SSSHHHHTTT!!He's asking her a question!!
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Can you really live the rest of your life never knowing what we could have been?
Olivia: I don't have a choice...
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
Olivia: Don't say that...
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Tell me to stop, just...tell me to stop.
Director: CUT!
Rachel Green: NO! Or, cut!You know, that's your call!
1st Customer: Everything was delicious!
Monica Geller: Thank you! 2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
Monica Geller: Thank you! You haven't said anything... 3rd Customer: Actually I do have one small complaint.
Monica Geller: Oh..please!I-I welcome criticism. 3rd Customer: The musician right outside the restaurant...it's kind of a mood-killer!
Monica Geller: What musician?
Phoebe Buffay: And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Ole!
Monica Geller: What are you doing here!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!
Monica Geller: Great!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! It really has been great too, you know, some of this people must have seen me play before because they were requesting a bunch of my songs! Yeah, "You suck" and "shut up and go home".
Monica Geller: Listen Phoebe...
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Monica Geller: You know how much I love listening to your music, you know, but...
Phoebe Buffay: But what?
Monica Geller: This is kind of a classy place.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, say no more.
Phoebe Buffay: : It wasn't just that she was fat, the woman smelled like garbage! Everyone! It wasn't just that she was fat the woman smelled like garbaaaaaage! Classy, uh?
Chandler Bing: Hi, Chandler Bing, I have a reservation.
Receptionist: Welcome to the Chestnut Inn Mr. Bing, so where are you joining from?
Chandler Bing: New York.
Ross Geller: The big apple!
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up, we had to stop at every maple candy stand on the way here.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I ate all my gifts for everybody.
Receptionist: I am sorry Mr. Bing, there's no record of your reservation in the computer.
Chandler Bing: Well, that's impossible, can you check again, please?
Ross Geller: Check again please!
Receptionist: I'm sorry, it's not here.
Ross Geller: Not there.
Chandler Bing: Let me get this straight. I called yesterday trying to cancel my reservation and I was told it was not refundable, then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you tell me that we don't have a reservation?
Receptionist: I don't know what to say.
Ross Geller: She doesn't know what to say!
Chandler Bing: Just give us the cheapest room you have.
Receptionist: Unfortunatly the only thing we have available is our deluxe suite, the rate is six hundred dollars.
Chandler Bing: That's insane!
Ross Geller: Totally insane. Dude, let's drive home, we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if...if they're closed maybe we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves.
Chandler Bing: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? We'll take it.
Receptionist: Great.
Chandler Bing: What!? They are totally ripping us off!
Ross Geller: Dude, don't worry 'bout it! I know how we can make your money back! This is a nice hotel, you know, plenty of amenities, we just load up on those! Like those apples. Instead of taking one, I'm... I take six!
Chandler Bing: Great, at a hundred dollars an apple, we're there!
Ross Geller: C'mon, you get the idea, ow-ow-ow we'll make our money back in no time!
Chandler Bing: Dude, you're shaking!
Ross Geller: I think it's the sugar, could you hold the apple?
Rachel Green: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Joey, I gotta tell ya, I've been thinking all day about that scene you did, I mean, you were amazing!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you know, the writing was good, and the director is good, and... and my co-star's good but they're not as good as me!
Rachel Green: God, you have to tell me what happens tomorrow!
Joey Tribbiani: Ow, I'm just going over the script now! You wanna read lines with me?
Rachel Green: Me? Oh, no, I am not an actress.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, all right, I can ask Monica.
Rachel Green: Oh screw her, that part is mine!
Joey Tribbiani: Right... ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.
Rachel Green: Okay. . Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: I can't believe you married him.
Rachel Green: But what choice did I have. He was keeping my sister in a dungeon!
Dr. Drake Ramoray: So what about us? Everything we feel for each other.
Rachel Green: It's over! You have to accept that.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.
Rachel Green: Kiss me.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Rachel Green: Kiss me.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, Rach, it doesn't say that!
Rachel Green: No, I'm saying...
Joey Tribbiani: but, but..
Rachel Green: just... don't talk...
Rachel Green: Ehhh, aw! . Well, that's new!
Ross Geller: Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons. Ross: What did you get?
Chandler Bing: USA Today.
Ross Geller: Nice, put it with the others.
Chandler Bing: And I also got... two more apples.
Ross Geller: We are four short of a bush-o . God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!
Chandler Bing: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.
Ross Geller: Oh, that's not cool.
Chandlers: Dude, none of this is cool.
Ross Geller: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt I wish I'd thought this through.
Chandler Bing: I think I know what you mean though...the lamp is the hotel's, but the bulbs ...oh, you already got that.
Ross Geller: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
Chandler Bing: Ok, how about this ?
Ross Geller: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!
Chandler Bing: Yes, but the batteries... Chandler: Thank you, thank you very much!
Ross Geller: Let's celebrate with some maple candy!
Chandler Bing: No!
Ross Geller: At least tell me where you hid it.
Rachel Green: Can I ask you a question?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Have you ever had any weird romantic dreams?
Monica Geller: Let me think. Oh, when I was younger I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese, and on our wedding night I ate his head.
Rachel Green: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Monica Geller: Wow, do you mean like kiss him-kiss him?
Rachel Green: Oh yeah! I mean, that was pretty intense.
Monica Geller: What do you think brought than on?
Rachel Green: I don't know! I mean, maybe that's something to do with the fact that I saw him do a love scene yesterday.
Monica Geller: A love scene? With who?
Rachel Green: Olivia.
Monica Geller: Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor! Oh right, real life more important.
Rachel Green: So do you think that my dream means anything?
Monica Geller: I don't know. I mean, you saw him do a love scene, so maybe you don't have a thing for Joey, maybe you have a thing for Drake.
Rachel Green: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...
Monica Geller: Of course it was! Trust me, when it comes to psychology I know what I'm talking about. I took two psych classes in college.
Rachel Green: You took the same class twice.
Monica Geller: It was hard! Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant uh, huh wait! Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad of the uncircumcised man.
Monica Geller: Oh...Phoebe? Maybe I wasn't clear before. I really love listening to your music here, but my restaurant is sort of an upscale place.
Phoebe Buffay: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, it's not what you wear. It's sort of your songs... I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, ok. Fine, I'll just, I'll take the hat back . Rachel: Hey, so you guys, the funniest thing happened, at work...
Phoebe Buffay: My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?
Rachel Green: Ok, we're still on that.
Monica Geller: I didn't say your songs were not good enough.
Phoebe Buffay: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Monica Geller: Tiny portions?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah well, "excuse me, I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but I can't see it, I can't see it"!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, it's not about quantity.
Phoebe Buffay: Well...it's not about quality.
Monica Geller: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
Phoebe Buffay: Well at least all my songs don't taste like garlic. Yeah, there are other ingredients Monica.
Monica Geller: Ok, so that's what we're doing. You know, when I'm in the coffee house bopping along to one of your songs, I'm wearing ear plugs.
Phoebe Buffay: Ear plugs, or cloves of garlic?
Monica Geller: You know what? I take back what I said before. You keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside, my bar sales are going up like crazy.
Phoebe Buffay: What are people having, the garlic Martini?
Receptionist: Here's your copy of the bill, we hope you enjoyed your stay.
Chandler Bing: Oh we did, and you still have all your lamps. Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.
Ross Geller: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game. Ross: Oh my god.
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: There's something new in the bowl.
Chandler Bing: Look, we have enough, just walk away.
Ross Geller: No, but I want...I want the pinecones!
Chandler Bing: There's a forest right outside.
Ross Geller: It's not the same.
Chandler Bing: Ok, go quick! Ross: Thank you for a delightful stay. Ross: Oh, my maple candy!
Phoebe Buffay: Food here at 'Javu'..will kill you..the food here at 'Javu' ...will kill you.. Monica: Thank god, it's just you! I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.
Phoebe Buffay: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Monica Geller: Ok, you have to stop playing now.
Phoebe Buffay: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!
Monica Geller: Oh yeah? Ok, let's settle this, come on!
Phoebe Buffay: Get your garlic-peelers off me!
Monica Geller: Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. .. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside?
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, ok, how many of you enjoyed the music outside? Ha!
Monica Geller: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? .
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, well, who identified the tone of this restaurant as pretentious comma garlicky?
Monica Geller: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone?
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? .
Monica Geller: Excuse us! Alright here's a question: Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music and feels really bad about it now?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh...Who was so stupid and stubborn that she lashed out against her friend's cooking which she actually thinks is pretty great!
Monica Geller: I'm sorry...
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry too...
Monica Geller: ooohh... hey! Wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! As long as it's free! Food here is ridiculously over-p... Phoebe: Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Rachel Green: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh man! I thought I got it all!
Rachel Green: How...how...?
Joey Tribbiani: I was making a peanut butter smoothy, right?
Rachel Green: uh-huh.
Joey Tribbiani: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing that goes on top of the blender...and I thought...well... how important can that be, right...? Turns out very!
Rachel Green: Wow...definitely just Drake...
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Rachel Green: What...how is it going with Drake?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh...I don't think it's going very well...
Rachel Green: What...that scene I saw was so good!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we are shooting tomorrow...
Rachel Green: Joey, is this that thing that you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?
Joey Tribbiani: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Rachel Green: So?
Joey Tribbiani: So...I've never played that!
Rachel Green: Ooh! Honey, it can't be that hard, I mean, you've been in love before?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh...well...just once...with you...
Rachel Green: Ok...this could be a little awkward...I'm just going to blow past it... well can't you just use that method actor thing where you use your real life memories to help you in your performance?
Joey Tribbiani: What the hell are you talking about??
Rachel Green: Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.
Rachel Green: Joey, you never..you never talked about that before...
Joey Tribbiani: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she...is... beautiful... and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you but it was worth it just to be there looking at you. Joey: Thanks dude!!!This is GREAT!! Closing credits.
Chandler Bing: I got you something from Vermont!
Monica Geller: Besides tampons and salt? Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. That's weird...it's empty! Ross: Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out...or...? do you...do you guys hear a buzzing?


Joey Tribbiani: Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Chandler Bing: Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Joey Tribbiani: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
Chandler Bing: I could fall asleep at a play.
Phoebe Buffay: What is it?
Joey Tribbiani: It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life".
Monica Geller: It sounds interesting!
Ross Geller: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett...
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?
Joey Tribbiani: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!
Ross Geller: What? How come that you don't have to go!
Joey Tribbiani: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Chandler Bing: Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
Rachel Green: Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, here you go.
Rachel Green: Ooh... oooh... oh, ah... Can I ask you a question?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
Monica Geller: No, I don't think it ever works. Why?
Rachel Green: No reason.
Monica Geller: No, no, Rachel?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Who do you wanna fool around with?
Rachel Green: Nobody, forget it! Rachel: Maybe.
Monica Geller: You can't!
Rachel Green: Why? Seriously I did not understand a word that you said.
Monica Geller: In the hall.
Monica Geller: You wanna fool around with Joey?
Rachel Green: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Monica Geller: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?
Rachel Green: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Monica Geller: Who, who are they?
Rachel Green: I know them from work.
Monica Geller: Both of them?
Rachel Green: No, one of them...
Monica Geller: Which one?
Rachel Green: I don't know, what were the names I just said?
Monica Geller: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.
Rachel Green: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion?
Monica Geller: What the hell are you cooking!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.
Chandler Bing: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
Ross Geller: There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
Monica Geller: What's so bad about that?
Ross Geller: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
Monica Geller: : Ross?
Ross Geller: These aren't suede. Charlie: Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
Gunther: No.
Ross Geller: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer.
Ross Geller: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice.
Charlie Wheeler: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.
Ross Geller: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
Monica Geller: Is he gonna introduce us?
Chandler Bing: No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
Charlie Wheeler: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Ross Geller: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.
Monica Geller: Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
Ross Geller: We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?
Ross Geller: I don't think so.
Charlie Wheeler: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell?
Ross Geller: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". An option that many of my students use. Shall we?
Charlie Wheeler: You don't think we should wait for him?
Ross Geller: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok?
Professor Spafford: Professor Geller?
Ross Geller: Oh, damn it!
Jane: Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: What's happenin'?
Rachel Green: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first.
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight"
Joey Tribbiani: Stupid Jane Rogers!!
Rachel Green: You are having a party tonight??
Joey Tribbiani: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.
Rachel Green: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
Joey Tribbiani: I do it every year.
Rachel Green: You do that every year??
Joey Tribbiani: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
Rachel Green: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah...
Rachel Green: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah...
Rachel Green: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe you guys went for that one!
Rachel Green: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
Joey Tribbiani: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!
Rachel Green: Well, then so you just invite me...!
Joey Tribbiani: Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!
Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
Rachel Green: OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! And it's out of my system!
Professor Spafford: And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Ross Geller: So, where did you get your undergraduate degree?
Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to.
Ross Geller: Oh, it's not over!
Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...
Ross Geller: So basically all nuts?
Professor Spafford: Interestingly... no.
Charlie Wheeler: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh my God!!
Ross Geller: I've lost the will to live.
Charlie Wheeler: Let's ditch him!
Ross Geller: What?
Charlie Wheeler: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you!
Ross Geller: Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll...
Charlie Wheeler: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!!
Ross Geller: Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi!
Ross Geller: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?
Charlie Wheeler: Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas...
Phoebe Buffay: Ah, ah.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me.
Ross Geller: Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Monica Geller: So, did you two have fun?
Ross Geller: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Monica Geller: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a HOTTY!! HI!
Rachel Green: Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Ross Geller: Really? Wh-what's wrong?
Rachel Green: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Rachel Green: ... Ok, who is this?
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue.
Rachel Green: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!
Monica Geller: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?
Rachel Green: Sure! Oh...
Monica Geller: You're not sick!
Rachel Green: What? Yes, I am!
Monica Geller: Ok, then, why are you... all dressed up??
Rachel Green: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better!
Monica Geller: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey!
Rachel Green: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is!
Monica Geller: Ok, what is this?
Rachel Green: Ok! Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Monica Geller: WHAT?
Ross Geller: Wh-what's going on?
Monica Geller: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Rachel Green: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Charlie Wheeler: I thought you came to say you were sick.
Rachel Green: Ok professor or detective?
Phoebe Buffay: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?
Rachel Green: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
Phoebe Buffay: And that horrible museum tour!
Ross Geller: No, I arranged that... Joey: Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
Phoebe Buffay: We know about your party Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: What party?
Monica Geller: The game's over! Take off your robe!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok... I mean...
Everyone: No!! Cover it up!!
Joey Tribbiani: Nice to meet ya!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it Thanks for coming.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder!
Kyle Lowder: Hi.
Monica Geller: I love you!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...
Monica Geller: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway?
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Where the hell is everybody? Bitter lady: Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period.
Monica Geller: Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
Rachel Green: Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number.
Monica Geller: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel.
Rachel Green: Nice to meet you.
Matthew Ashford: Call me.
Rachel Green: Ok Monica: We will!!
Monica Geller: Look at you with all the guys!
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Monica Geller: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?
Rachel Green: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
Monica Geller: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... ... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! Ross: So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
Charlie Wheeler: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.
Ross Geller: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?
Charlie Wheeler: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.
Ross Geller: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah...
Ross Geller: ... And you called him Alby!? I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
Ross Geller: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
Charlie Wheeler: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
Ross Geller: Oh! like what?! Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood".
Charlie Wheeler: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
Ross Geller: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie Wheeler: A guy who won two.
Ross Geller: Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart.
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah... for three years.
Ross Geller: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie Wheeler: ... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross Geller: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?
Charlie Wheeler: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.
Ross Geller: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine?
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Ross!
Rachel Green: How is it going with Charlie?
Ross Geller: Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, What's the matter?
Ross Geller: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Rachel Green: I always loved that!!
Ross Geller: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!
Phoebe Buffay: Worse?
Ross Geller: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... "Can we walk"? Oh, you... you like that?
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: Come on! I think this is funny!
Bitter Lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh?
Chandler Bing: oh yes, God yes!!
Bitter Lady: Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. How could he leave me?!?!
Chandler Bing: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.
Ross Geller: Nice to meet you.
Dirk: Hey! So what show are you on?
Ross Geller: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology. Joey: It's a science.
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize. Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Ross Geller: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
Ross Geller: I'd lead with that. Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra .
Joey Tribbiani: Monica!
Monica Geller: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year! Joey: What have you got there?
Ross Geller: Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, let me see! Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?
Rachel Green: I think I am.
Joey Tribbiani: Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug . This guy's Canadian . And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different. Joey: Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...
Rachel Green: Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?
Joey Tribbiani: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
Rachel Green: Joey, you're so sweet.
Joey Tribbiani: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.
Rachel Green: Who ? Joey: Me.
Rachel Green: What? Really?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
Rachel Green: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it!
Joey Tribbiani: Gotcha.
Rachel Green: Oh, Very funny... Joey. Chandler: So, how did you enjoy the play?
Monica Geller: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry.
Chandler Bing: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
Monica Geller: You really liked it?
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained not to listen! But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
Monica Geller: Oh really!
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!
Monica Geller: No!
Chandler Bing: Did somebody sign your bra?
Monica Geller: So I got it when I was 13...
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Ross Geller: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.
Phoebe Buffay: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
Ross Geller: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.
Phoebe Buffay: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
Ross Geller: And sexy.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Ross Geller: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.
Phoebe Buffay: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Ross Geller: Stop going through my stuff ! Rachel: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Rachel Green: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Monica Geller: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
Rachel Green: Please, what about you and Chandler?
Monica Geller: That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
Rachel Green: Well hello !
Monica Geller: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
Rachel Green: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!
Monica Geller: Alright . I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.
Rachel Green: I'm gonna do it.
Monica Geller: And I can't stop you.
Rachel Green: No. Ross: Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? Ross: I'm smarter than him!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Monica Geller: Oh, you're so wonderful.
Bitter Woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period.
Chandler Bing: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death .