Rachel Green: What the hell is that?!! What the hell is that? Is that you? Ohhhhhhh!
Monica Geller: Boy, you are really not a morning person.
Rachel Green: BACK OFF!!! Get up! Get up! Get up! God damn it! Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!!
Rachel Green: What is that noise?
Chandler Bing: You!
Joey Tribbiani: It's the chick! She's...going through some changes.
Monica Geller: What kind of changes?
Chandler Bing: Well the vet seems to think that's she's becoming a rooster. We're getting a second opinion.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?
Rachel Green: Well, I've been up since six. Thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe Buffay: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.
Rachel Green: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around...
Phoebe Buffay: All right. I'm gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if I'm ready to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.
Ross Geller: Now, how will they know if you're ready?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, they're just gonna umm, look to see if my endometria layer is thick.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I can uh, check that for ya.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay everyone, think thick.
Everyone: Good-bye! Good luck!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi! Wish me luck!
Monica Geller: Oh, good luck.
Joey Tribbiani: Good luck. And I'm still right!
Monica Geller: That is sooo not true!
Rachel Green: What?
Joey Tribbiani: She's mad because I know today's her laundry day and that means she's wearing her old lady underpants.
Chandler Bing: I can check that for ya.
Monica Geller: I just-I can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.
Chandler Bing: Well... we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's that about?
Chandler Bing: And you... Ross, I believe, if you check Rachel's bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Ross Geller: You're good. These are not.
Rachel Green: I'm so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Ross Geller: Five.
Chandler Bing: Okay, ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.
Rachel Green: How many guesses do you get?
Joey Tribbiani: Six.
Ross Geller: Challenge extended.
Monica Geller: Deal!
Ross Geller: Challenge excepted.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, we'll start with...apples.
Ross Geller: We'll be starting with apples.
Chandler Bing: Stop that now!
Chandler Bing: Yes!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay. Uhh, tortilla chips, yogurt.
Chandler Bing: Diet soda.
Ross Geller: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Chandler Bing: Orange juice.
Rachel Green: No! There's no orange juice in there! We win!!
Monica Geller: Ha-ha!
Ross Geller: They have another guess.
Rachel Green: Okay, well, we won that one.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, the last thing...
Chandler Bing: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh!
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, not for like another two weeks.
Chandler Bing: I got it! Scotch... tape.
Ross Geller: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?
Chandler Bing: Well, we used there's up last night making scary faces.
Monica Geller: Aww, man!
Chandler Bing: All right! Ten buck! Fork it over! Cough it up! Pay the piper! Gimme it.
Monica Geller: That does not mean you know us better, I-I want a rematch.
Rachel Green: Yeah, and none of these stupid grocery questions, real personal questions.
Monica Geller: Yeah! And the winner gets a hundred bucks.
Joey Tribbiani: Serious?
Monica Geller: Are you scared?
Joey Tribbiani: No! All right, who-who makes up the questions?
Monica Geller: Ross will do it.
Ross Geller: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" It's not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Rachel Green: Fine! We'll ask Phoebe.
Ross Geller: No-no-no, I-I wanna play.
Dr. Zane: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Well, okay, so what's now-go get, go get the eggs, put 'em in there.
Dr. Zane: Okay, it'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
Phoebe Buffay: Embryossss? As in, "More than one?"
Dr. Zane: Um-hmm, five actually.
Phoebe Buffay: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Dr. Zane: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.
Phoebe Buffay: That's it! 25 percent? That means that's it's like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hey, y'know I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?
Alice Knight: Sweety, now, she's a woman, not a gumball machine.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well y'know what, don't worry you guys, 'cause I'm-I'm gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.
Alice Knight: Umm, it costs $16,000 each time you do this. So, umm, we're kinda using all the money we have to do it just this one time.
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa!! That-okay, that's a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. So, well okay, so is there-is maybe is there something that I can do y'know just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Dr. Zane: No, I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! You guys really don't know anything!
Frank Buffay Jr.: I know! Why don't you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.
Monica Geller: You guys! Do you realize that any minute now, Phoebe can be pregnant?
Joey Tribbiani: Huh.
Rachel Green: I know! I know, it's such a huge, life-altering thing.
Joey Tribbiani: I know.
Ross Geller: The test is ready.
Everyone: Yeah! Yes!
Ross Geller: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It's All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. Okay, somebody call it this time.
Everyone: Oh yeah!
Rachel Green: Tails!
Ross Geller: It's heads. Gentlemen, pick your category.
Chandler Bing: Fears and Pet Peeves.
Ross Geller: What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?
Joey Tribbiani: Animals dressed as humans.
Ross Geller: That's correct. Ladies?
Monica Geller: Same category?
Ross Geller: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Monica Geller: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!
Ross Geller: That is correct.
Joey Tribbiani: The Irish gig guy?!
Chandler Bing: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!
Ross Geller: Gentlemen, you're pick.
Joey Tribbiani: It's All Relative.
Ross Geller: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Joey Tribbiani: Nana?
Chandler Bing: She has a real name.
Joey Tribbiani: Althea!
Chandler Bing: Althea?! What are you doing?!
Joey Tribbiani: I took a shot.
Chandler Bing: You're shooting with Althea?!
Ross Geller: Althea is correct.
Chandler Bing: Nice shooting!
Rachel Green: We'll take Literature!!
Ross Geller: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel Green: Chandler gets it! It's Chandler Bing!
Monica Geller: No!!
Ross Geller: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Monica Geller: I knew that! Rachel! Use you're head!
Chandler Bing: Actually, it's Miss Chinandolor Bong.
Phoebe Buffay: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, I'm-I'm Phoebe Buffay, hi! I'm-I'm-I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that we're doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, you've been there! Umm, y'know they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home, so... Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, I'm screaming, don't worry, that's what's supposed to happen.
Dr. Zane: Ready?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Good luck.
Ross Geller: All right, the score is nine to eight in favor of the guys. Ladies if you miss this the game is theirs, pick your category.
Rachel Green: It's All Relative!!
Ross Geller: You don't have to shout everything.
Rachel Green: I'm sorry!
Ross Geller: Ooh. What is the name of Chandler's father's Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Monica Geller: Viva Las Gaygas!
Chandler Bing: Unfortunately that is correct.
The Girls: Yes!!
Ross Geller: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. The Lightning Round!
Everyone: Ohhhh.
Ross Geller: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
Monica Geller: You guys are dead, I am so good at lighting rounds.
Chandler Bing: I majored in lightning rounds. All right, we're gonna destroy you.
Monica Geller: Huh, wanna bet?
Chandler Bing: Well, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far...
Monica Geller: How about we play for more money, say 150?
Ross Geller: 150 dollars.
Chandler Bing: Say 200?
Ross Geller: 200 dollars.
Monica Geller: You're doing it again.
Ross Geller: Excuse me.
Rachel Green: Monica, I don't want to lose 200 dollars.
Monica Geller: We won't. 300?
Rachel Green: Monica?!
Monica Geller: I'm just trying to spice it up!
Rachel Green: Okay, so let's play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!
Monica Geller: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Rachel Green: Oooohh that's interesting.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, no way, that rooster's family!
Rachel Green: Throw in the duck too!
Joey Tribbiani: What do you have against the duck?! He doesn't make any noise!
Rachel Green: Well, he gets the other one all riled up.
Joey Tribbiani: Look, we are not gonna...
Chandler Bing: All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
Joey Tribbiani: Dah!!
Chandler Bing: But if we win, we get your apartment.
Joey Tribbiani: Oooooh!
Monica Geller: Deal!
Rachel Green: Monica, betting the apartment, I don't know about this.
Monica Geller: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand.
Rachel Green: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?
Monica Geller: No! Steady as a rock! Now, are you with me.
Rachel Green: All right, let's do it.
Monica Geller: Come on!
Rachel Green: Okay.
Ross Geller: All right, gentlemen, you're up first.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Ross Geller: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round begins-stop it -now. What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey Tribbiani: Big fat goalie.
Ross Geller: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie...
Chandler Bing: Dangerous Liaisons.
Ross Geller: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
Joey Tribbiani: Weekend at Bernie's.
Ross Geller: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?
Chandler Bing: Oh!
Ross Geller: Eww! No!! Her ear! All right, Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?
Joey Tribbiani: Everyday use.
Chandler Bing: Fancy.
Joey Tribbiani: Guest.
Chandler Bing: Fancy guest.
Ross Geller: Two seconds...
Joey Tribbiani: Uhh, 11!
Ross Geller: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. All right, that's 4 for the guys. Ladies, you're up.
Rachel Green: All right!
Monica Geller: Come on!
Ross Geller: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now! What is Joey's favorite food?
Monica Geller: Sandwiches!
Ross Geller: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
Rachel Green: 14?
Ross Geller: No, 19.
Chandler Bing: Thanks man.
Ross Geller: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Monica Geller: Maurice.
Ross Geller: Correct, his profession was?
Rachel Green: Space cowboy!
Ross Geller: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?
Rachel Green: Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica Geller: And processing.
Rachel Green: He carries a briefcase.
Ross Geller: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.
Monica Geller: It's umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel Green: Oh-oh-oh, he's a transponce-transpondster!
Monica Geller: That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
Monica Geller: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Rachel Green: Oh my God.
Joey Tribbiani: I call Monica's room!
Chandler Bing: You can't just call Monica's room.
Joey Tribbiani: Sure I can, standard shotgun rules, I'm sight of the room and I called it.
Monica Geller: Man, I feel like I'm coming down with something.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Monica Geller: Yeah. I bet you can't guess what color my tonsils are? I'll bet the apartment!
Chandler Bing: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It's too nice.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-ooh Pheebs, are they in there?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, yeah, uh-huh, they're implanted.
Monica Geller: How do you feel?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, freaked. 'Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alice's like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, but I bet it works.
Monica Geller: Really?! How much?!
Phoebe Buffay: All right, I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test, right now.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh wow! You can tell this soon.
Phoebe Buffay: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my body's always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! I can't believe you guys are actually think you're moving in here!
Chandler Bing: Well believe it baby!
Rachel Green: Well I-I-I'm not moving.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Rachel Green: No, it was a stupid bet! We were just playing a game!
Joey Tribbiani: You can't just ignore the bet! It's a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
Monica Geller: Look Rach, we have to move. I mean if they had lost, we would've made them get rid of the birds. Right?
Rachel Green: Noooo.
Monica Geller: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, it's all your fault.
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: Chinadolor Bong, come on, we steal that TV Guide every week!
Chandler Bing: I knew it!
Rachel Green: I don't care, I'm not going anywhere.
Chandler Bing: Cool, girl roommate.
Monica Geller: Well?
Phoebe Buffay: Nope, not knocked up yet.
Monica Geller: It's only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help this so, I'm just gonna y'know, lie it your chair, Y'know? Yeah, good, I'm let gravity y'know, do its jobs.
Monica Geller: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
Rachel Green: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girl's apartment! That is a boy's apartment, it's dirty and it smells. This is pretty. It's-it's so pretty! And look, and it's-it's purple! And I'm telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand.
Monica Geller: I'll take care of it.
Rachel Green: That's right! You do what the hand says!
Rachel Green: How did it go?
Monica Geller: I lost our mattresses.
Phoebe Buffay: "Are you in there little fetus? In nine will you come great us? I will buy you some Adidas."
Monica Geller: Hey!
Alice Knight: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh. Oh.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Umm, it's a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
Monica Geller: Hey, don't mix those up, you could really ruin that lollipop.
Alice Knight: So umm, you feel like taking a test? There's only one question.
Phoebe Buffay: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, y'know just remember that it's still really early, okay so, if it says that I'm not pregnant, that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I don't go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Alice Knight: Okay.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Great.
Rachel Green: Y'know what, you are mean boys, who are just being mean!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, don't get mad at us! No one forced you to raise the stakes!
Rachel Green: That is not true. She did! She forced me!
Monica Geller: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn't gotten the question wrong!
Rachel Green: Well it stupid, unfair question!
Ross Geller: Don't blame the questions!
Chandler Bing: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
Rachel Green: Will you stop calling it your apartment!
Joey Tribbiani: But it is our apartment!
Rachel Green: No it's not!
Phoebe Buffay: You guys! You guys! You're gonna have a baby! They're gonna have a baby!
Frank Buffay Jr.: MY SISTER'S GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, but this can't be good for the baby.
Everyone: Oh!
Monica Geller: I can't find garbage bags!
Rachel Green: Oh, I think I saw some in here.
Monica Geller: What is it?!
Rachel Green: I don't know! But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.
Monica Geller: I can't believe we're living here!
Chandler Bing: What?! What-what is it?!
Joey Tribbiani: Did you see the size of the closets?!
Chandler Bing: I can't believe we live here!


Chandler Bing: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Ross Geller: People can hear you.
Chandler Bing: I know!!
Chandler Bing: Wow! She looks great. Doesn't she?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Kathy's Co-Star: Hi!
Kathy: Hi!
Ross Geller: That is one good looking man!
Chandler Bing: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Kathy's Co-Star: Sooo, you've been doing this long?
Kathy: No, you're my first. Put the money on the table.
Kathy's Co-Star: Oh, yeah! Ooh, that's nice.
Ross Geller: Dude!
Kathy's Co-Star: Is that an expensive blouse?
Kathy: If you want it to be.
Ross Geller: Here's your girlfriend's button.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?
Monica Geller: Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, it's just that maternity clothes are so expensive.
Monica Geller: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just...throw your purses at it.
Rachel Green: Bloomingdale's eliminated my department.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, are you out of a job?
Rachel Green: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
Phoebe Buffay: Personal shopping? What is that? Like where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?
Rachel Green: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Buffay: That sounds great!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Monica Geller: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You can't eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
Joey Tribbiani: There's gravy?
Monica Geller: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, that's your department now.
Monica Geller: What are you doing?
Joey Tribbiani: I think I left a donut up here.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! How was Kathy's play?
Ross Geller: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin' guy.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, it's like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Phoebe Buffay: That's a good idea for a business!
Chandler Bing: I'm totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then they're gonna go to their cast parties and he's gonna try to undermine me. Y'know it'll be like, "So where's your boyfriend, what's-his-name, Chester?" And she'll go, "No-no-no, it's Chandler." And he'll go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey Tribbiani: That-that is a good trick.
Chandler Bing: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, look they're actors. They're there to do a job, just 'cause they work together, doesn't mean they're gonna get together. I mean just 'cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesn't mean it's gonna happen with them.
Ross Geller: Oh-oh, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
Joey Tribbiani: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
Ross Geller: They're not a couple!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh-okay, I get the game now.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Ross Geller: Oh yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: Well okay, so then you're fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it's hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It's when the heat goes away, that's when you're in trouble.
Chandler Bing: Really?
Joey Tribbiani: Look, you guys have been to every play I've ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?
Ross Geller: No.
Joey Tribbiani: Noooo!!
Chandler Bing: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Ross Geller: Y'know what, I don't know how comfortable I am going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I know but...
Ross Geller: Oh no-no-no, I'm there.
Monica Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Mon! Want some pancakes?
Monica Geller: You made pancakes?
Joey Tribbiani: Yep! Grab a plate.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, stay right there. Gettin' closer.
Chandler Bing: Okay, okay, but don't worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which I'm fairly certain are the same thing.
Joey Tribbiani: Listen also we're uh, we're watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Ross Geller: Oh yeah!
Monica Geller: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, who's playing?
Monica Geller: The players.
Ross Geller: Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.
Monica Geller: Please, it's a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Joey Tribbiani: All right Pheebs, stick out your plate!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Rachel Green: Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Stephen Waltham: In a moment, please, I'm in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Joshua Burgin: Hi, I'm Joshua.
Rachel Green: Hi, I'm Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joshua Burgin: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife...
Rachel Green: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Joshua Burgin: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Rachel Green: Well, at least that's a great suit.
Joshua Burgin: Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. So I need everything down to underwear, so if you're willing, I'm all yours.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Stephen Waltham: Rachel, you needed to speak to me?
Rachel Green: No-no, that wasn't me! Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. The selection of underwear we carry.
Rachel Green: Oh-oh, sorry, it's this way, it's this way.
Joshua Burgin: It's this way? Sorry.
Chandler Bing: I'm right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now there's no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Ross Geller: All right, let's not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.
Chandler Bing: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Ross Geller: Here she comes. Don't say a word, okay? Just be cool, don't be...y'know you.
Kathy: Hey you guys!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Kathy: Hi! Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
Ross Geller: Oh, absolutely!
Kathy: Wasn't Nick funny when he couldn't get his match lit?
Kathy: It's a good play, isn't it?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly you're having sex with him.
Ross Geller: Okay, I...
Kathy: Clearly, I'm having sex with him?
Chandler Bing: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Kathy: Okay, so let me just get this straight. You're accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know you're up there every night, you're naked, touching, kissing.
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! I'm-I'm playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
Chandler Bing: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Kathy: Oh, wow. I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.
Chandler Bing: Well, that is what happened, and I don't even see you denying this!
Kathy: I'll tell you what, Chandler, why don't you call me when you grow up!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!
Rachel Green: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
Phoebe Buffay: Rachel has a new doll.
Rachel Green: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Ross Geller: Uh, hello!
Rachel Green: Hi-e!!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, what do I smell?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, it smells good.
Monica Geller: Fresh cookies! Hot from the oven!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh!
Monica Geller: Please, have some!
Ross Geller: Oh, yumm!
Monica Geller: Yeah, I've just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! The new Playboy!
Monica Geller: Yeah, it's just something I picked up.
Ross Geller: Cookies and porn, you're the best mom ever!!
Phoebe Buffay: What? What?
Rachel Green: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
Ross Geller: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
Rachel Green: It's Joshua.
Ross Geller: Oh, whatever.
Monica Geller: Wait! Wait! This isn't take-out!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I hate to eat and run, but...
Monica Geller: No, wait, please don't go! I've got porn for you too!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I don't need it.
Monica Geller: People are supposed to wanna hang out here!
Rachel Green: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
Monica Geller: I'm the hostess! Not those guys! I'm always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I-I served the best air.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
Monica Geller: 'Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But I'm-I'm done now. They've suffered enough.
Phoebe Buffay: If you wanted to punish them, you should've just made them hang out here!
Rachel Green: Yeah, that's true.
Monica Geller: All right then, when I'm done with this place, it's gonna be ten times better than that place!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, are we gonna trash that place?
Chandler Bing: Steps! Slut! You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Everyone: What?!
Ross Geller: So you were right?
Chandler Bing: I confronted her, and she didn't deny it! I don't live here!
Ross Geller: Chandler!
Rachel Green: Chandler, what did she say?
Phoebe Buffay: Wait a minute.
Joey Tribbiani: Come here.
Monica Geller: Are you sure?
Chandler Bing: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julie's...
Rachel Green: Beefsteak Charlie's?
Chandler Bing: Yes! See you and I have always been like-
Rachel Green: Whoops. Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Monica Geller: Nah, I got it.
Rachel Green: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Everyone: Hey!
Rachel Green: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It's just so frustrating!
Phoebe Buffay: Why don't you ask him out?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, totally! That's such a turn-on!
Rachel Green: Really? It doesn't seem desperate?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-ooh, that's the turn-on.
Phoebe Buffay: He just got a divorce right?
Rachel Green: Hmm-mmm.
Phoebe Buffay: So he's probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
Rachel Green: Yeah but, I've never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe Buffay: You've never asked a guy out?!!
Rachel Green: No. Have you?
Phoebe Buffay: Thousands of times!! That doesn't make me sound too good does it?
Rachel Green: I don't even know how I would go about it.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin'?"
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, please!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, how you doin'?
Rachel Green: You know what, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna call him up, and I'm gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. How you doin'? Hi! Joshua? It's Rachel Green from Bloomingdale's. Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we- the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, let's see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye. You've done that a thousand times?
Phoebe Buffay: I've never done that.
Rachel Green: Ohh, God, I just got so nervous that he would say no.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, you gotta give him something that he can't say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, you're guaranteed he'll say yes!
Rachel Green: Really?! You think that will work?
Joey Tribbiani: Absolutely! And if it doesn't, can I get the extra ticket?
Joey Tribbiani: What the heck is that?
Chandler Bing: Did she call?
Phoebe Buffay: No, sorry.
Chandler Bing: All right, maybe I should call her.
Joey Tribbiani: No! Forget her, man! You don't need her, you don't need that!
Ross Geller: He's right, what she did was unforgivable.
Chandler Bing: Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?
Ross Geller: How might you be wrong?
Chandler Bing: Well y'know, what if she didn't actually sleep with the guy?
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, tell me she actually told you this.
Chandler Bing: She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!
Ross Geller: That's all you're basing this on?
Chandler Bing: That's not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!!
Rachel Green: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too... Umm, who likes the Knicks-
Joshua Burgin: What do you think?
Rachel Green: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
Joshua Burgin: Huh. Yeah?
Rachel Green: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. Umm, so you like it?
Joshua Burgin: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think I'm gonna wear it home.
Rachel Green: Great.
Joshua Burgin: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Rachel Green: Sure.
Joshua Burgin: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel Green: Yeah-eah-ha!
Joshua Burgin: Thanks. Maybe I'll see in the spring, with the uh, y'know, for the uh, bathing suits.
Rachel Green: Oh well, you don't want to do that now?!
Joshua Burgin: Ah, that's okay, thanks.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Joshua Burgin: Anyway, hopefully, I'll see you around sometime.
Rachel Green: Basketball!
Joshua Burgin: I'm sorry.
Rachel Green: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if you're interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Joshua Burgin: Wow! That would be great.
Rachel Green: Really?
Joshua Burgin: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel.
Stephen Waltham: Good morning.
Joshua Burgin: Hi!
Kathy: Hey.
Chandler Bing: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that I'm sorry. Y'know? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
Kathy: Oh wow. I really wish you'd call me.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but y'know I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? 'Cause we've had our first fight, and now we can move on. Y'know, I know for me- Nick's pants?
Kathy: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, for next time, what do you say?
Rachel Green: I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.
Ross Geller: So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?
Rachel Green: He didn't turn me down! He's at the game isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it!
Monica Geller: Okay, it's ready. Come on.
Joey Tribbiani: What's ready?
Monica Geller: Just come.
Ross Geller: Oh my God!
Rachel Green: Wow! Monica!
Phoebe Buffay: Great!
Ross Geller: This is beautiful!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh did you-what did you-did you work for two days straight?
Monica Geller: Pretty much. So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, it looks the same.
Monica Geller: You used to have carpet.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah!
Monica Geller: So I made snacks. Please, just hang out okay? I'm just gonna rest my eyes just a little bit.
Ross Geller: Look, Mon, do you want us to uh, come back later?
Monica Geller: Oh no-no-no, stay, stay, stay, just keep talking. I'm always the hostess.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: How'd it go?
Chandler Bing: Well, she wasn't sleeping with him.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good!
Chandler Bing: She is now.
Ross Geller: What are you saying?
Chandler Bing: I'm saying that she... is a devil woman! Y'know I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I don't hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Phoebe Buffay: How? How is your fault?
Chandler Bing: Because, I-I should've called! Y'know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would've gone out with Nick, and they would've ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Rachel Green: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross Geller: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break...
Stephen Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
Rachel Green: Really?
Stephen Waltham: Will you call him?
Rachel Green: Yes! I will! Absolutely! Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, I'm glad. Rachel, I'd like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin'?


Phoebe Buffay: So now, what is this now?
Joey Tribbiani: Guggly worm.
Phoebe Buffay: And this?
Joey Tribbiani: Glow-pop giggly jammer.
Phoebe Buffay: You make it so funny.
Monica Geller: Hey umm, what's this?
Joey Tribbiani: Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year.
Ross Geller: Ohh, Geller's got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! It's the classic struggle between man and- Someone knocked over a lamp.
Joey Tribbiani: That's all right. Hey you guys, you know what's going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Everyone: Great!
Chandler Bing: You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you. Well, except you.
Monica Geller: Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it's only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Joey Tribbiani: Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now, he's still in his sweat pants, that's still Phase One. Y'know? I'll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.
Monica Geller: What's Phase Two?
Joey Tribbiani: Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club.
Rachel Green: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Ross Geller: Because there are naked ladies there.
Joey Tribbiani: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Ross Geller: There are naked ladies there too.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Would you give me one minute!! Please.
Joshua Burgin: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Rachel Green: Um-hmm. There we go. There it is.
Joshua Burgin: Oh! You know what I need?
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Joshua Burgin: Gloves. Brown, leather dress gloves.
Rachel Green: Oh, okay. Uhh, well let's see. You're about-well uh, this one is large. And this one-
Joshua Burgin: Also large?
Rachel Green: Yeah! Okay, two larges coming right up!
Joshua Burgin: Okay.
Stephen Waltham: Rachel! Could I have a moment?
Rachel Green: Yes.
Stephen Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from London-well Shropshire really but y'know-well she's about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if you'd like to keep her company this evening?
Rachel Green: Sure. You got it. Great!
Stephen Waltham: Oh, good.
Rachel Green: Me, Fledermaus, great. I really-
Stephen Waltham: Ohh! Yes of course, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much.
Joshua Burgin: So...
Rachel Green: So?
Joshua Burgin: Gloves?
Rachel Green: Ohh! Right! Right, sorry, I'll be right back!
Joshua Burgin: Uhh, actually y'know what, I kinda-I have to take off.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Joshua Burgin: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
Rachel Green: No! Nothing!
Joshua Burgin: I invested in this night-club and it's opening tonight, would you like to come?
Rachel Green: Yeah! That would be great!
Joshua Burgin: You're into hardcore S&M right?
Rachel Green: Well, I-I guess-I...
Joshua Burgin: Kidding! I'm gonna get there early, but I'm going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
Rachel Green: Yeah, great, you betcha!
Stephen Waltham: I almost forget the tickets, didn't I?
Rachel Green: What?
Stephen Waltham: For you and Emily, tonight, Die Fledermaus.
Rachel Green: Oh. Oh, right.
Stephen Waltham: I think you'll like it, it has two out of the three tenors.
Rachel Green: Oh yay!
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I can't believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on I'm never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Ross Geller: Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Ross Geller: Catch any big fish?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God, you guys have no idea.
Everyone: Oh! God! Wow!
Monica Geller: You stink!
Ross Geller: Are you kidding?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-how's he doing?
Ross Geller: He hasn't gotten out of that chair in two days.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey buddy! How's it going?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, I've got to go memorise my lines. Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hey, Monica!
Monica Geller: Uh-oh, what's the matter?
Rachel Green: Ohh, it's Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So... What are you gonna do?
Monica Geller: I don't know sweetie.
Rachel Green: No! Help me!
Monica Geller: I can't! I have to work!
Rachel Green: Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
Rachel Green: Ugh!
Phoebe Buffay: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
Rachel Green: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this is-I have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Y'know the "Wouldn't it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Monica Geller: No, Chandler's still in Phase One, and Joey's that thing you smell.
Rachel Green: Ohh! Hi!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: So...
Ross Geller: No.
Rachel Green: Ohhhh, come on!!!
Monica Geller: I think she's here.
Rachel Green: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Ross Geller: You want me to take some girl I've never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
Monica Geller: Ohh, she's looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can't see people through that little hole, can you? Hello!
Woman: Hello!
Rachel Green: I'll be right there! Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought we've gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Ross Geller: All right, I'll do it.
Rachel Green: Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Emily?
Emily Waltham: Yes.
Rachel Green: I'm Rachel Green.
Emily Waltham: Thank goodness.
Rachel Green: There's been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that I'm not free tonight. So...
Emily Waltham: Really?! Well, that's just lovely, isn't it? I must've missed your call, even though I didn't leave the flat all day.
Rachel Green: Oh well, no I...
Emily Waltham: Oh, no-no-no, that's not rude! It's perfectly in keeping with a trip that I've already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone who's got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
Monica Geller: I-I-I think you look great.
Emily Waltham: Good night, it was very nice to meet you all.
Rachel Green: I'll get her.
Ross Geller: Please hurry.
Phoebe Buffay: Don't you just love the way they talk?!
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh!
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Monica Geller: Oh my God!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!
Monica Geller: Oh wait, Joey, you can't go like that! You stink!
Joey Tribbiani: Look, I know I feel asleep before I could shower and now I don't have time! They're just ten blocks away, if I run, I can make it.
Monica Geller: Yeah. Run ten blocks, that'll help the smell.
Rachel Green: Hey-whoa, slow down. No, keep moving. Wow!
Monica Geller: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel Green: Well, I didn't see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Monica Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Why?
Rachel Green: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?
Rachel Green: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "I'm Rachel Greep! I'm Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Monica Geller: So you hit her in the face?
Rachel Green: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can't believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Phoebe Buffay: Aww, Pheebs.
Rachel Green: Honey, that's you're name.
Phoebe Buffay: That's short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
Monica Geller: Hey! You're wearing pants!
Chandler Bing: That's right! Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Monica Geller: It's 9:30 in the morning!
Chandler Bing: They got a breakfast buffet.
Monica Geller: Hello. Oh, hey Ross!
Chandler Bing: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Monica Geller: Oh-oh, my God!
Chandler Bing: Well, can I just...
Monica Geller: Shh!! Wait, what?
Chandler Bing: She's shhing me! It's my phone and she's shhing me!
Phoebe Buffay: Shhh!! Please! What's he saying?
Monica Geller: He's with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Phoebe Buffay: What? Oh my God!
Rachel Green: What? Who the hell is Emily- noooo!!
Rachel Green: They're in Vermont!! How could this happen?!
Chandler Bing: Ow!
Rachel Green: How-how did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?!
Chandler Bing: Maybe, she doesn't hit him all the time.
Ross Geller: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldn't be miserable? I'm telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Emily Waltham: Ross! Come quickly! There's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross Geller: I've gotta go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Monica Geller: He had to go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Rachel Green: I don't get this! She was horrible!
Chandler Bing: Okay, I'm going to go stand over there.
Monica Geller: Why do you care so much anyway?
Rachel Green: I don't care! All right, y'know what I'm just upset that I'm getting nowhere with Joshua that-y'know what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!
Monica Geller: Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.
Rachel Green: Oh, y'know, would you just for once, not remember every...little...thing!!
Chandler Bing: So y'know, uh, when's he getting back?
Monica Geller: A couple of days.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I knew something like this was going to happen.
Monica Geller: What are you doing?! Chandler! You can't just go back a phase!
Chandler Bing: Yes you can. You're thinking about time, you can't go back in time.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, look, why don't you just, why don't you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.
Monica Geller: Yeah, come on, we can be guys!
Chandler Bing: No you can't.
Phoebe Buffay: Come on! Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys!
Chandler Bing: You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Joey Tribbiani! I'm here! I'm here!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, we're running a little late.
Joey Tribbiani: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!
The A.D: Yeah, we loves 'em. I've never seen him with-
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
The A.D: You.
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?
The A.D: You?
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, it's uh, it's Heston.
The A.D: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.
The A.D: There's no way he smells, he's the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
Joey Tribbiani: Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be?
The A.D: The one with "Heston" on it.
Joey Tribbiani: Interesting.
Monica Geller: Okay, I've got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler Bing: No thanks, Mom!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, 'cause I'm pregnant.
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe Buffay: Ha-ha, it's not my baby, ha-ha-ha!
Monica Geller: Very good, so good.
Phoebe Buffay: I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
Rachel Green: Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didn't call. I mean you'd think he'd be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Phoebe Buffay: Come on! Look where you are!!
Monica Geller: When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Phoebe Buffay: Remember, a virgin for me please.
Monica Geller: Oh! And don't let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Chandler Bing: Ahh, come on! Y'know what-y'know what, I think I'm just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, if you think it will help.
Chandler Bing: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I'm gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I'm gonna get so drunk, I'm gonna wanna call Janice
Phoebe Buffay: You should! How is she?
Chandler Bing: Ohhh!!
Monica Geller: I think somebody needs another lap dance.
Charlton Heston: Hello! Who's in there?
Joey Tribbiani: How ya doin'?
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Joey Tribbiani: I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh?
Charlton Heston: Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt.
Joey Tribbiani: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I'm an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I'm doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Charlton Heston: You're in this picture?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, I'm one of the cops that won't work with you 'cause you a lose cannon. Anyway, look, I'm really sorry, but I stink!
Charlton Heston: Joey, right?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Charlton Heston: Every actor at one time or another-opp! Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won't even watch himself.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh no-no-no, you don't understand...
Charlton Heston: Listen to me!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, yeah.
Charlton Heston: I don't know one actor worth his salt that didn't say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yes sir! Yes sir, I'm-I'm-
Charlton Heston: Wait a minute! Take your pants.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Monica Geller: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Rachel Green: I can't believe it! He still hasn't called.
Phoebe Buffay: Who, Josh?
Rachel Green: It's Joshua.
Monica Geller: What, he doesn't like Josh?
Rachel Green: No, I don't.
Chandler Bing: All right, well I'm gonna put my sweats back on.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, y'know what, you were right, you were right. We really weren't great at being guys, but you know why? Because we're girls.
Chandler Bing: Yeah?
Phoebe Buffay: And do you know what girls are really good at?
Chandler Bing: Stripping!
Phoebe Buffay: No, listening! Sit! Y'know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.
Rachel Green: Yeah, come on! What's going in on in there?
Monica Geller: Yeah. And y'know, if you wanna cry, that's okay too.
Chandler Bing: Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Monica Geller: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn't picture myself with any of them.
Monica Geller: They really were pretty, weren't they?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.
Monica Geller: Oh, Candy! She was so spunky!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Y'know, I think if I were going to be with a woman. It'd, it'd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Rachel Green: See, I don't know, for me it would have to Chantal.
Monica Geller: Oh, Chantal!
Rachel Green: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh...
Chandler Bing: Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Monica Geller: Really?!
Chandler Bing: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Monica Geller: That's-that's not Phase Three.
Chandler Bing: Well, I'm there too!
Rachel Green: Well, are we all together? Like in a group?
Chandler Bing: Stop it! You're killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! What is that? What is that?
Chandler Bing: Where I don't want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
Chandler Bing: Come on, let me see that smile.
Joey Tribbiani: I don't wanna.
Chandler Bing: Please?
Joey Tribbiani: I wanted to go to the strip club!
Chandler Bing: I know, I know, but you're gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, all right.
Monica Geller: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey-ooh so, how was Vermont?
Ross Geller: Emily is...incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. Oh! And you! Rach!
Rachel Green: Oh, hey!
Ross Geller: Hey! You were so right!
Rachel Green: What?
Ross Geller: Uh, what you said, about us being in a place where we could finally be happy for each other.
Rachel Green: Oh, hmm.
Ross Geller: I mean, I, I-I admit I-I wasn't quite there. Y'know, I mean the thought of you and that-that Josh guy...
Rachel Green: Joshua.
Ross Geller: Joshua...guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda...y'know.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I...
Ross Geller: But now! I'm there! I'm totally there! I'm-I'm finally where you are!
Rachel Green: Oh, thank goodness!
Ross Geller: Yeah, and-and thank you for Emily.
Rachel Green: Oh, no problem. I'm so glad I could help. Happy for you.
Ross Geller: Happy for you.
Rachel Green: No, happy for you!
Chandler Bing: All right ladies, here's what we're gonna do. You are gonna take off my clothes. You two, go get the oils. And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!"
Phoebe Buffay: I-I wanna be with her, I like her.
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Monica Geller: Wait, now, what am I doing again?
Chandler Bing: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!
The Cigarette Guy: Hi, I'm Joshua, I'm here to pick up Rachel.
Rachel Green: No-no-no, that' not Joshua.
Chandler Bing: What do you want from me, I've never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, I'm sorry you can't stay, but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. What are you doing? All right, listen, I've got to wake up!


Chandler Bing: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel Green: Chandler, there's a guy right over there.
Chandler Bing: That's a mailman! That's our mailman! Hi. How are ya?
Rachel Green: Chandler, don't worry! This doesn't make you any less of a guy! That does! What am I sitting on? I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Chandler Bing: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Rachel Green: Hmm.
Woman: OH...MY...GAWD!!
Monica Geller: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Joey Tribbiani: Ohh, Nothing.
Monica Geller: Didn't it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Joey Tribbiani: I know what it did! Nothing.
Monica Geller: They wouldn't have put it there if it didn't do something! How can you not care?
Joey Tribbiani: Like this.
Rachel Green: Well, here's another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure! It flushes it.
Rachel Green: Okay, good. Now that since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?
Chandler Bing: Hello!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Ah!!
Rachel Green: Guess who we ran into today?!
Monica Geller: Janice?!
Chandler Bing: Isn't this amazing?
Monica Geller: How have you been?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh well, I'm divorced.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohhh, wow.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Yeah, I'm riding the alimony pony.
Joey Tribbiani: And there it is.
Janice Litman Goralnik: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! And you, sweetie, I'll see you tonight.
Chandler Bing: Okay. Bye.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Bye.
Chandler Bing: Bye.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Bye.
Chandler Bing: Bye.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Bye.
Chandler Bing: B-bye!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Bye-bye.
Chandler Bing: Bye. I can't stand the woman!
Phoebe Buffay: What?! I thought you were crazy about her!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality-Well, they're all back! Y'know? And she's picked up like nine new ones!
Joey Tribbiani: So what are you doing bringing her here?! There's people here!
Chandler Bing: Don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it tonight.
Rachel Green: You are not. You have never been able to break up with her.
Chandler Bing: Well, I don't have to break up with her this time. We're not involved! I'm going to do a pre-emptive strike! I'm going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. I'm tellin' ya!
Emily Waltham: I can't believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such stories about New York.
Ross Geller: No, it's really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Ross Geller: Help! Help!! Help! Help!!
Emily Waltham: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
Devon: Hey, mate.
Liam: How are ya man?
Ross Geller: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? Help! Help!
Emily Waltham: So how are you? I've been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, I've been rather busy.
Devon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
Emily Waltham: Oh my God. I think you're right.
Liam: Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was that morning.
Emily Waltham: Oh, Liam.
Ross Geller: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or something-or should I call it football?
Devon: We were playing rugby.
Liam: In fact we're playing a game at the park tomorrow. You're welcome to play too if you want.
Emily Waltham: Ross play rugby? I don't think so.
Ross Geller: What's ah, what's so funny about that?
Emily Waltham: Well I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here.
Ross Geller: Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either so...
Devon: So good then! We'll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers!
Liam: Cheers!
Ross Geller: Cheers!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh boy, I just love to sing!
Chandler Bing: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, look at us! Who would've thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails.
Chandler Bing: Okay, we have to talk. I'm just getting out of a very serious relationship...
Janice Litman Goralnik: I know! And I'm just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler Bing: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler Bing: I hear ya. But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh no! Where to? Too Paris?
Chandler Bing: No! No! Not, Paris.
Chandler Bing: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? Yemen. That's right, yes, I'm being transferred to Yemen!
Janice Litman Goralnik: When?
Chandler Bing: I don't know exactly.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler Bing: But I do know that it's some time tomorrow.
Monica Geller: Done?
Phoebe Buffay: Yep!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! What's up?
Monica Geller: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them don't work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Joey Tribbiani: I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Rachel Green: Y'know, you-you also could've used uh, lamps and then followed the light.
Monica Geller: Yeah, well, I'm using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. I hear something! I hear something! Where is it?
Rachel Green: It's coming from Joey!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off!!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross Geller: Oh, just hold on a second. I'm watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I don't know what the big deal is. I'm man enough to play this sport.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Hey there Ross!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Janice.
Chandler Bing: Y'know uh, you didn't really have to help me pack.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you didn't really leave me much choice. Did you?
Chandler Bing: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey, what's going on?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm packing. Y'know I'm-I'm packing 'cause I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks for telling me!
Chandler Bing: I'm only going to pretend I'm moving to Yemen, it's the only way I can get rid off her.
Joey Tribbiani: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Chandler! Come on, I'm gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. It's a real space saver.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know, I do that 'cause it makes me look taller.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Okay, Chandler, come on!
Chandler Bing: Okay. Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey Tribbiani: Nope. Man look at this! Ross, I can't believe you said you'd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross Geller: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Rachel Green: Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.
Ross Geller: That's 'cause-'cause you're mom's dog kept-kept looking at me.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. That's called a scrum, okay? It's kinda like a huddle.
Ross Geller: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Joey Tribbiani: Ross! They're gonna kill you!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, why are you doing this anyway?
Ross Geller: Well, you should've seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, he's like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe Buffay: You're kidding! And he plays rugby?! That's so funny. Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Ross Geller: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So I'm gonna show her how tough I really am!
Rachel Green: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It's not like he's...Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Thanks!
Ross Geller: Look, don't worry about me. Okay? I'll just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. I'll uh, I'll be that guy right out of the circle.
Everyone: Oh!
Rachel Green: Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin' at him.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy , and that guy . And that one-Dude! They're all huge!
Ross Geller: They don't look any bigger than me!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, maybe that's because you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Emily Waltham: I'm just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Ross Geller: All right.
Emily Waltham: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa! I kinda liked it.
Ross Geller: Okay, I know what I have to do. I've got to go Red Ross. Y'know, Red Ross!
Joey Tribbiani: I totally don't know what you're talking about.
Ross Geller: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Joey Tribbiani: No.
Ross Geller: You'll see.
Emily Waltham: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, it's his first time.
Liam: You don't say!
Emily Waltham: Good luck, babe.
Liam: Ross! Ross! Come on! Get in here! Ross! Come on!
Liam: Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!
Ross Geller: JOEY!!!!!!
Rachel Green: You...are...not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Monica Geller: He asked you out?!
Rachel Green: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Monica Geller: Saucy!
Rachel Green: What are these?
Monica Geller: Electrical plans for the building.
Rachel Green: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?
Monica Geller: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Rachel Green: Wow! If only more people knew.
Chandler Bing: Y'know you, really didn't have to take me to the airport.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Y'know? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends don't really seem to care too much that you're leaving.
Chandler Bing: Well, we're really not that close. Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Janice Litman Goralnik: On no! No! It's not good-bye, I'm not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler Bing: Okay. Then I guess it's just, wait here then. Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Ticket Counter Attendant: One ticket to Yemen?
Chandler Bing: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Ticket Counter Attendant: I'm sorry sir, I don't understand.
Chandler Bing: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Ticket Counter Attendant: Are you travelling with a child?
Chandler Bing: No. All right, y'know what, she's gonna think that I'm handing you a credit card, but what I'm really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we don't take library cards.
Janice Litman Goralnik: What's the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
Chandler Bing: American Express?
Emily Waltham: I can't believe they're doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!
Phoebe Buffay: No offence but, y'know sometimes it's hard to understand you, y'know with the accent, so...
Emily Waltham: That's just halftime, there's more of this.
Ross Geller: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Emily Waltham: Right.
Ross Geller: Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
Emily Waltham: Okay.
Ross Geller: Thanks. I-I think I'm dying. I really do.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, poor baby.
Ross Geller: Tell my son that I love him. Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Emily Waltham: Ross, they are killing you out there!
Ross Geller: That's not true!
Phoebe Buffay: She's right! You have to stop!
Ross Geller: What? No! No, I'm not stopping. I'm Red Ross!
Joey Tribbiani: Dude, if you go back out there, you're gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross Geller: I don't care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!
Emily Waltham: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.
Ross Geller: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
Emily Waltham: No. That's not what I'm saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross Geller: I like that.
Emily Waltham: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.
Ross Geller: Huh?
Emily Waltham: One swift kick and he'll back off.
Ross Geller: All right, bad ankle, got it!
Emily Waltham: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesn't wear a cup.
Ross Geller: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!
Emily Waltham: And uh, Liam, Liam's got bad knees. You hit him right and he'll go down like a lamp.
Ross Geller: But-but, Liam's on my team.
Emily Waltham: I don't care! You just get him!
Ross Geller: I'm gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in!
Joey Tribbiani: The Red Ross! Okay.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: What-what are-what are these?
Monica Geller: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they'd brighten up the place. They do don't you think?
Monica Geller: No-no-no, no!
Monica Geller: I know that there's no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! Look at this!
Monica Geller: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Rachel Green: I don't care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Monica Geller: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Rachel Green: And did you?!
Monica Geller: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
Monica Geller: But it didn't. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.
Rachel Green: Oh my God.
Mrs. Chatracus: Hello darling.
Rachel Green: Hello, Mrs. Chatracus.
Phoebe Buffay: Now, are you sure you don't want to go see a doctor?
Ross Geller: Oh no! That-that'll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Y'know what? I'm buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, it's in my pocket.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, sure.
Ross Geller: No, not you.
Joey Tribbiani: Uhh, look, your eye's still popping out a little, I'm gonna go get some ice.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice!
Emily Waltham: You were amazing out there.
Ross Geller: Oh, I kinda was, wasn't I?
Emily Waltham: Oh my God!
Ross Geller: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven't done that since I was four and I washed my dad's Porsche with rocks.
Emily Waltham: You really enjoyed yourself didn't you?
Ross Geller: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody nose-I mean I-I'm not proud of it but, I really am. And it's all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Emily Waltham: I think you've got concussion.
Ross Geller: No, no, I'm serious. Thank you.
Emily Waltham: You're welcome. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Ross Geller: It's worth the pain. Y'know what, you know what? It's not.
Ticket Counter Attendant: This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
Chandler Bing: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I'll wait for you. Do you even know how long you're going to be gone?
Chandler Bing: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh. Well, I'll right you everyday. 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Chandler Bing: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Chandler?
Chandler Bing: No!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Janice Litman Goralnik: No! No! I wanna see you take-off.
Chandler Bing: Well, I then guess I'm going to Yemen! I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Monica Geller: All right. The super couldn't figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldn't figure out what it did. I've had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Rachel Green: Thank God.
Monica Geller: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe Buffay: See? I'm doing it. I am totally doing it. I lost it.


Monica Geller: What is it hon?
Phoebe Buffay: I-I can't find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake-ooh! Cake! No.
Monica Geller: Aww, honey I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: God! Ooh! What is that smell? It's coming from the bathroom. Ooh!
Chandler Bing: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah?
Phoebe Buffay: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen there's something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Joey Tribbiani: Is it the shampoo? It's guava.
Phoebe Buffay: No!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Wait-wait! Is it my bologna sandwich?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I can't eat meat!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, wait-wait! Maybe it's a pickle?!
Chandler Bing: What are you writing?
Rachel Green: Well, Joshua's coming in tomorrow and since I don't have the guts to ask him out, I'm going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah? Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you never go out of style-what did you throw away?
Chandler Bing: Hi guys!
Everyone: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, what have you guys been up too?
Ross Geller: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Chandler Bing: Without me?!
Emily Waltham: My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really interesting.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Emily Waltham: They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that!
Monica Geller: I don't know how museums work in England but, here, you're not supposed to take stuff.
Emily Waltham: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. It's a joke.
Ross Geller: Bye.
Emily Waltham: Right, I've got to be off, I'll see ya. Buh-bye then.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, she's-she's amazing. And-and she's so much fun. And! Y'know what? When I'm with her, I'm fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. She's leaving in two days, I don't have to do it.
Monica Geller: Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.
Ross Geller: Yeah, she's got to go back to London. But you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and that's it. Y'know.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey that's what all my relationships are like.
Chandler Bing: Yes, but in Ross's case, they both know in two weeks that's it.
Ross Geller: Pheebs!
Everyone: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hello! Hello!
Phoebe Buffay: Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y'know? And I got nauseous.
Chandler Bing: Maybe that's because soy-burgers suck!
Phoebe Buffay: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.
Phoebe Buffay: That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too.
Joshua Burgin: Okay!
Rachel Green: Oh, here's that trench-coat that you wanted.
Joshua Burgin: Oh great! Wow! Yeah, it's comfortable.
Rachel Green: Yeah?
Joshua Burgin: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing.
Rachel Green: Oh no-no, no-no, they don't want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.
Joshua Burgin: Why not?!
Rachel Green: Well, that's because of a lot of...
Joshua Burgin: Y'know, they ruin it for everybody.
Rachel Green: I know!
Joshua Burgin: Y'know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.
Rachel Green: Oh?
Joshua Burgin: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.
Rachel Green: Well, congratulations, so do you love her?
Joshua Burgin: No, no, no, she's nice but, y'know, it just it made me realize that I'm just not, I'm just not ready to be dating, y'know?
Rachel Green: Huh. Well, uh, that's uh, that's interesting.
Joshua Burgin: Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?
Rachel Green: Oh, it's just an anti-theft device.
Joshua Burgin: Then uh, what's-what's this?
Rachel Green: You need that, you need that too 'cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up.
Rachel Green: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.
Chandler Bing: What are you talking about?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, what' going on?
Rachel Green: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it's actually for Joshua. Look, he said he's not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him!
Ross Geller: Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I aren't going to be here. All right? I mean, she's going to come by first to say good-bye, and then I've got a whole special evening planned. So I'm sorry, no party.
Joey Tribbiani: Awwww!
Emily Waltham: Hello?
Rachel Green: Surprise!!!
Emily Waltham: No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Rachel Green: Well, it was all Ross's idea.
Emily Waltham: You're so sweet! And I'm so surprised!
Ross Geller: You really didn't know?
Chandler Bing: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there?
Rachel Green: Uhh, because I'm trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he's looking over here, say something funny.
Chandler Bing: Like what?
Joey Tribbiani: What-what-what is so funny?
Chandler Bing: I said, "Like what?"
Joey Tribbiani: Now that's a thinker.
Rachel Green: Okay, y'know what, y'know what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. Okay. Okay. Hi!
Joshua Burgin: Hi!
Rachel Green: Care for a cherry?
Joshua Burgin: Oh, no thanks.
Rachel Green: No? Y'know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue.
Joshua Burgin: You okay? You all right?
Ross Geller: So we should probably get going soon.
Emily Waltham: Oh, but the party's only just getting started!
Ross Geller: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then y'know, then The Plaza for dinner.
Emily Waltham: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Ross Geller: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. It's usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, I'm so surprised-good-bye!"
Emily Waltham: But Ross, I'm such having a great time! Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties.
Ross Geller: Monica said that did she?
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Joey Tribbiani: A little salami.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?
Joey Tribbiani: Pastrami.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, yeah. You're a genius.
Rachel Green: Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Up!
Monica Geller: You changed?
Rachel Green: Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.
Monica Geller: And lucky means, more cleavage?
Chandler Bing: Does for me.
Rachel Green: Ohh, God! Look at him, he's so cute. I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.
Rachel Green: What?
Joey Tribbiani: There was a seen in Footloose...
Chandler Bing: Flashdance.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl...
Chandler Bing: She was a welder.
Joey Tribbiani: What? Were you like in the movie, or... Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Monica Geller: Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.
Rachel Green: It's not Christmas!
Monica Geller: Or Spin the Bottle?
Rachel Green: He's not 11!
Emily Waltham: Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
Rachel Green: What? You're leaving?!
Ross Geller: Yes, we have something we have to get to.
Joshua Burgin: Uhh, yeah, I think I'm going to take-off too.
Rachel Green: No! You guys can't leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole big thing planned!
Ross Geller: What big thing?
Rachel Green: So, Spin The Bottle works like this I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther's face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?
Emily Waltham: I'll go.
Everyone: Yay!
Joey Tribbiani: Welcome to America.
Monica Geller: Two in a row! You've got to use your tongues now!
Rachel Green: Yay! Emily!
Chandler Bing: What are the odds? What are the odds?
Ross Geller: Okay, that-that's enough! Y'know, let's, let's let someone else play.
Joey Tribbiani: If you didn't want to play, why did you come to the party?
Rachel Green: Okay, my turn!!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!
Everyone: Ohh!
Rachel Green: It's okay! It's okay! It kicked once, it'll kick again!
Everyone: Oh my God!
Rachel Green: All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.
Rachel Green: Just a bug.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know it doesn't matter how much I'm craving it. Y'know why I'm never gonna eat meat? Because it's murder, cold blooded murder.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Chandler Bing: There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!
Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!
Phoebe Buffay: I can't help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Joey Tribbiani: All right look, y'know how-y'know how when you're dating someone and you don't want to cheat on them, unless it's with someone really hot?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, totally!
Joey Tribbiani: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you're going to do something wrong, do it right!
Joey Tribbiani: Feel better now?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I'm gonna eat like, y'know millions of cows.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.
Phoebe Buffay: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, suppose until the baby's born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-you'd just be eating my animals.
Phoebe Buffay: Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.
Joey Tribbiani: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There's no meat in beer, right?
Ross Geller: Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away.
Emily Waltham: But, we can't go now. It looks like Rachel's gonna put on a skit.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?
Rachel Green: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasn't working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Monica Geller: Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can't let-, actually I kinda want to see what happens.
Joshua Burgin: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hi!
Joshua Burgin: Nice uh, costume.
Rachel Green: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! Ready! Okay! Gimme an 'E!'
Everyone: E!
Rachel Green: Gimme an 'M!'
Everyone: M!
Rachel Green: Gimme an 'I!'
Everyone: I!
Rachel Green: Gimme an 'L!'
Everyone: L!
Rachel Green: Gimme a 'Y!'
Everyone: Y!
Rachel Green: What do you get? Emily!! Emil-Whoa!! Okay! So that's me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum!
Rachel Green: I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm just losing a tooth, it's no big deal. I have a dentist! Y'know. I'm gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. What do I do now? What do I do now?
Monica Geller: I think you're done.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, time to take off the bra.
Joshua Burgin: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
Joey Tribbiani: Take the bra off.
Rachel Green: All right, come on, let's go get your coat.
Joshua Burgin: Okay.
Gunther: Rachel is my girlfriend.
Joshua Burgin: So, this was uh, really fun.
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah! Real fun. Y'know, this bra... Really, bothers me. Y'know, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, y'know what they'd say? Wanna hear some memories?
Joshua Burgin: Need uh, need a little hand there.
Rachel Green: Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.
Joshua Burgin: You really don't seem like you do. That's...
Rachel Green: Ughhhh!! Forget it! This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
Joshua Burgin: Well, what was supposed to happen?
Rachel Green: Can you not look at me when I say this? I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.
Joshua Burgin: Huh. Oh, boy! Uhh, I-I don't wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.
Rachel Green: Well, I'm sorry, I thought you needed them!
Joshua Burgin: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.
Rachel Green: Why?!
Joshua Burgin: Because I-I like you.
Rachel Green: You like me?
Joshua Burgin: Yeah! I mean you're-you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated-a lot of this isn't based on tonight.
Rachel Green: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can't believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!
Joshua Burgin: But...
Rachel Green: Oh no-no-no don't say but! No-no, but's never good! Let's just leave it at, you like me and I like you.
Joshua Burgin: Okay uh, however...
Rachel Green: Oh, now see that's a fancy but.
Joshua Burgin: My marriage like just ended, and I'm really not ready to get into anything yet.
Rachel Green: But...
Joshua Burgin: I'm sorry, I, I just need a little time.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Rachel Green: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua's gone so you and Emily are free to go.
Ross Geller: That's okay. She's still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, it's too late to do any of the things I had planned, so...
Rachel Green: Oh, Ross, I'm sorry. I completely ruined your evening.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.
Ross Geller: Helps a little.
Rachel Green: Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?
Ross Geller: Yeah, have a seat.
Rachel Green: I'm so sorry.
Ross Geller: That's okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didn't want it to end this way, y'know?
Rachel Green: Well, maybe you didn't want it to end?
Ross Geller: What do you mean?
Rachel Green: You seem to really like her.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment.
Rachel Green: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.
Ross Geller: You think?
Rachel Green: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
Ross Geller: Hey, you're right.
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Thanks. What photo album was it?
Rachel Green: I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Ross Geller: Oh my God! Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach!
Rachel Green: Hey.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Rachel Green: You're a pathetic loser, right?
Chandler Bing: Oh-ho, yeah!
Rachel Green: Sit!
Joshua Burgin: Hi.
Rachel Green: Oh my gosh, Joshua!
Joshua Burgin: All those things I said about not being ready...
Rachel Green: They're not true?
Joshua Burgin: No, they're-they're all true.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Joshua Burgin: But...
Rachel Green: Oh! Oh, I love that but.
Rachel Green: You wanna go inside and have some coffee?
Joshua Burgin: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Okay. Every time.
Joey Tribbiani: Oooh, what you got there?
Phoebe Buffay: Pastrami.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y'know what goes good with that?
Phoebe Buffay: Hm-mm, corn beef.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that's much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Phoebe Buffay: Six months.
Joey Tribbiani: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?
Phoebe Buffay: Not if I get there first.