Chandler Bing: No-no-no-no, we're done.
Monica Geller: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross Geller: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta.
Chandler Bing: And, we're done with the yogurt.
Phoebe Buffay: Sorry.
Monica Geller: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? Nice talk, Aunt Syl. You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? This is your baby. Hi Daddy!
Ross Geller: Hello!
Joey Tribbiani: How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian?
Rachel Green: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos
Paolo: Ah, poke a nose, mmm
Monica Geller: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel Green: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Phoebe Buffay: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!
Monica Geller: Yeah, that's a big step.
Rachel Green: I know...
Chandler Bing: Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Ross Geller: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?
Rachel Green: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross Geller: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? I could call immigration!
Joey Tribbiani: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Chandler Bing: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever!
Joey Tribbiani: Need a new table.
Chandler Bing: You think?
Carol Willick: Hey hey, come on in!
Ross Geller: Hey, hello! mmwa! I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol Willick: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Ross Geller: I'm pretty sure that it is...
Carol Willick: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross Geller: Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh...?
Carol Willick: Totally and completely healthy!
Ross Geller: Oh, that's great, that is great!
Ross Geller: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Carol Willick: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Ross Geller: Of course it's your friend Tanya.
Carol Willick: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Ross Geller: The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya , yaw...
Carol Willick: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross Geller: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Carol Willick: Do you want to know?
Ross Geller: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! Or isn't...
Susan Bunch: Oh, hello Ross!
Ross Geller: Susan...
Susan Bunch: So, so, did you hear?
Ross Geller: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!
Susan Bunch: Oh, that's so... It really is...do we know...?
Carol Willick: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Ross Geller: Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!
Susan Bunch: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
Carol Willick: Mm-hmmm
Ross Geller: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Ross Geller: No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Carol Willick: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross Geller: No problem, ok, mmmwa oh, mmmwa Susan...
Susan Bunch: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona?
Carol Willick: Hello?
Ross Geller: Uh, never mind, I don't want to know.
Chandler Bing: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Joey Tribbiani: That's the rule.
Chandler Bing: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!
Joey Tribbiani: How'd you get to that?
Chandler Bing: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Joey Tribbiani: You knew about that?
Chandler Bing: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?
Chandler Bing: What do you mean, like, buy it together?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah
Chandler Bing: You think we're ready for something like that?
Joey Tribbiani: Why not?
Chandler Bing: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey Tribbiani: Why, are you moving out?
Chandler Bing: I'm not moving out.
Joey Tribbiani: You'd tell me if you were moving out right
Chandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Joey Tribbiani: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Chandler Bing: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Chandler Bing: Aw, don't do that
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, thanks.
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe Buffay: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel Green: I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows...
Monica Geller: And Monica knows...
Ross Geller: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica Geller: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Joey Tribbiani: So what's it gonna be?
Ross Geller: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!
Joey Tribbiani: Or an uncle...
Ross Geller: Hi Pheebs!
Rachel Green: Pheebs!
Phoebe Buffay: Fine!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?
Rachel Green: Oh, right, that's me!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on.
Chandler Bing: Fine.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, what is it?
Phoebe Buffay: All right, you know Paolo?
Ross Geller: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he made a move on me.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!
Chandler Bing: More coffee over here, please!
Monica Geller: Well, what happened?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until.
Ross Geller: My God.
Monica Geller: Are you sure?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, I'm sure. And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore.
Monica Geller: Was it...?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.
Guys: Oooooo...
Rachel Green: "Ooo," what?
Phoebe Buffay: Uma Thurman.
Monica Geller: Oh!
Ross Geller: The actress!
Ross Geller: Thanks Rach.
Chandler Bing: So what are you gonna do?
Ross Geller: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys?
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.
Joey Tribbiani: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Phoebe Buffay: She is gonna hate me.
Ross Geller: Yeah, well...
Joey Tribbiani: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one?
Chandler Bing: That's patio furniture!
Joey Tribbiani: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course!
Chandler Bing: What about the birds?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler Bing: You pick one.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Chandler Bing: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Joey Tribbiani: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Chandler Bing: Not like that, I won't! Kip would have liked the birds!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Rachel Green: Hi Pheebs!
Phoebe Buffay: Are you moving out?
Rachel Green: No, these aren't all my suitcases. This one's Paolo's.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Rachel Green: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Ok, um, ok, um,
Rachel Green: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, um, we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world.
Rachel Green: Ok, thanks Pheebs Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel Green: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Phoebe Buffay: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel Green: I guess you don't.
Phoebe Buffay: Paolo made a pass at me.
Chandler Bing: So, what do you think?
Ross Geller: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler Bing: I know!
Monica Geller: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey Tribbiani: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
Monica Geller: Heads up Ross! Score! You suck!
Phoebe Buffay: Are you okay?
Rachel Green: I need some milk.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, I've got milk Here you go... Oh! Better?
Rachel Green: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
Rachel Green: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Phoebe Buffay: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Rachel Green: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Phoebe Buffay: Such a pig!
Rachel Green: Oh, God, he's such a pig,
Phoebe Buffay: Oh he's like a...
Rachel Green: He's like a big disgusting...
Phoebe Buffay: ...like a...
Rachel Green: ...pig...pig man!
Phoebe Buffay: Yes, good! Ok...
Rachel Green: Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! I know! It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Rachel Green: Ok, Ok, Pheebs...
Phoebe Buffay: The end.
Rachel Green: Oh, God...
Phoebe Buffay: Should I not have told you?
Rachel Green: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe Buffay: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Monica Geller: We should get over there and see if she's okay. Just one...second! Score! Game! Come on.
Ross Geller: Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Ross Geller: Come on, two on one.
Chandler Bing: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Ross Geller: What, now?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler Bing: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross!
Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's...
Ross Geller: How's it going?
Monica Geller: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, , Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh!
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, ok bye-bye.
Monica Geller: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Paolo: Grazie.
Ross Geller: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, just look at her...
Ross Geller: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Monica Geller: Oh, you're right.
Ross Geller: ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Ross Geller: You all right?
Rachel Green: Ooh, I've been better...
Ross Geller: Come here. Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel Green: Oh, Ross...
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy.
Ross Geller: Huh.
Rachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross Geller: Ohhhh
Monica Geller: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?
Rachel Green: Oh...
Phoebe Buffay: You ok?
Rachel Green: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?
Phoebe Buffay: Yep!
Ross Geller: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel Green: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Ross Geller: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Rachel Green: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: What?
Ross Geller: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Rachel Green: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.
Ross Geller: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! Huh, am I having a boy?
Ross Geller: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Chandler Bing: Wha-
Joey Tribbiani: Wha-
Ross Geller: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: I'm having a son. Um...
Monica Geller: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
Monica Geller: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, get out!
Monica Geller: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, and I'm gone.
Chandler Bing: One more game?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah!


Rachel Green: That is it! You just barge in here, you don't knock
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry!
Rachel Green: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!
Chandler Bing: Rachel, wait, wait.
Rachel Green: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
Chandler Bing: Can I just say one thing?
Rachel Green: What? What?!
Chandler Bing: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Rachel Green: Oh!!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Roger: That's pretty much it.
Phoebe Buffay: Oops!
Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.
Roger: Okay. I'll miss you.
Phoebe Buffay: Isn't he great?
Rachel Green: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Monica Geller: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.
Rachel Green: Okaaay. Any of you guys want anything else?
Chandler Bing: Oh, yes, could I have one of those.
Rachel Green: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?
Chandler Bing: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Ross Geller: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler Bing: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Rachel Green: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.
Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Rachel Green: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Chandler Bing: Okaaay, rock, hard place, me.
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Chandler Bing: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Chandler Bing: Huh.
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler Bing: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?
Everyone: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!
Monica Geller: Hey, how long are you in the city?
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. I don't know this one.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, this is my friend Roger.
Roger: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.
Roger: You too, sir.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Joey Tribbiani: Dad, dad.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? Did you know this isn't Ma?
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.
Joey Tribbiani: Sure. So how long you been...
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?
Joey Tribbiani: Since then?!
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?
Joey Tribbiani: ...I d'know.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.
Joey Tribbiani: You're one to talk.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Joey Tribbiani: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. That'd be cool... This blows!
Rachel Green: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler Bing: What? What?
Rachel Green: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
Ross Geller: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Rachel Green: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler Bing: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
Monica Geller: Hello?
Phoebe Buffay: It's Phoebe.
Roger: And Rog.
Monica Geller: C'mon up.
Chandler Bing: Oh, good. Rog is here.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter with Rog?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
Ross Geller: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
Ross Geller: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
Ross Geller: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...
Monica Geller: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Ross Geller: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!
Monica Geller: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!
Phoebe Buffay: Isn't he good?
Ross Geller: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...
Monica Geller: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!
Ross Geller: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!
Rachel Green: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay?
Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.
Monica Geller: You're welcome.
Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.
Monica Geller: Hate that guy!
Joey Tribbiani: Night, you guys.
Chandler Bing: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?
Ronni Rapalono: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm Joey Tribbiani.
Ronni Rapalono: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! I-I'm, I'm Ronni...Cheese Nip?
Chandler Bing: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
Ronni Rapalono: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.
Chandler Bing: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Ronni Rapalono: That's a good one!
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey, Joe.
Joey Tribbiani: Dad, Ronni's here.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Huh?
Ronni Rapalono: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?
Ronni Rapalono: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Thank you. Uh...
Chandler Bing: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Ronni Rapalono: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: I don't want you taking that thing.
Ronni Rapalono: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here?
Joey Tribbiani: Who-ah-ho.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: We'll go to a hotel.
Ronni Rapalono: We'll go to a hotel.
Joey Tribbiani: No you won't.
Ronni Rapalono: No we won't.
Joey Tribbiani: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: You're gonna keep an eye on us?
Joey Tribbiani: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
Ronni Rapalono: Wow. He's strict.
Joey Tribbiani: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.
Ronni Rapalono: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.
Chandler Bing: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
Joey Tribbiani: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: What kinda change?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, either you break it off with Ronni
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: I can't do that!
Joey Tribbiani: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Yeah, but this is
Joey Tribbiani: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!
Chandler Bing: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Joey Tribbiani: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Chandler Bing: Well, you're gonna.
Joey Tribbiani: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...
Chandler Bing: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Chandler Bing: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Joey Tribbiani: No.
Chandler Bing: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Joey Tribbiani: You really think so?
Chandler Bing: Yeah. I really do.
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Get off!
Ronni Rapalono: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hi...May I help you?
Ronni Rapalono: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Monica Geller: Okay...who are you?
Ronni Rapalono: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?
Monica Geller: Oh, c'mon in.
Ronni Rapalono: Thanks.
Rachel Green: Hi, I'm Rachel.
Ronni Rapalono: Hi.
Rachel Green: Bathroom's up there.
Ronni Rapalono: Great.
Rachel Green: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?
Ronni Rapalono: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?
Rachel Green: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Hey. Morning, dear.
Rachel Green: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter with you?!
Rachel Green: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler Bing: What? What?
Rachel Green: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!
Chandler Bing: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
Everyone: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Monica Geller: How's it going?
Phoebe Buffay: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.
Phoebe Buffay: So what's going on?
Monica Geller: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.
Ross Geller: I dunno, there's just something about...
Chandler Bing: Basically we just feel that he's...
Rachel Green: We hate that guy.
Everyone: Yeah. Hate him.
Ross Geller: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?
Everyone: ...No, we hate him.
Rachel Green: We're sorry.
Joey Tribbiani: Ma! What're you doing here?
Gloria Tribbiani: I came to give you this and this.
Joey Tribbiani: Oww! Big ring!
Gloria Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really.
Joey Tribbiani: Hold on, you-you knew?
Gloria Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!
Joey Tribbiani: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
Gloria Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.
Joey Tribbiani: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
Gloria Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm...happy...for you?
Gloria Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.
Joey Tribbiani: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Gloria Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Gloria Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
Joey Tribbiani: With this ring? No contest.
Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon.
Phoebe Buffay: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Phoebe Buffay: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Roger: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe Buffay: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
Monica Geller: So you talked to your dad, huh.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Rachel Green: Wow.
Chandler Bing: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Ross Geller: So Joey, you okay?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Rachel Green: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.
Chandler Bing: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Everyone: Hey, Pheebs.
Monica Geller: How's it going?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
Everyone: Awww.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, right.
Everyone: Aaawwwwww!!
Rachel Green: What happened?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Joey Tribbiani: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green.
Monica Geller: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry. Wrong boobies.
Monica Geller: Hello, Joey.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Oh! ...Hello, dear.


Joey Tribbiani: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross Geller: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler Bing: Any contact?
Ross Geller: She lent me an egg once.
Joey Tribbiani: You're in!
Ross Geller: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Chandler Bing: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Joey Tribbiani: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross Geller: An egg?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Chandler Bing: I think it's winning.
Ross Geller: I think it's insane.
Chandler Bing: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
Joey Tribbiani: Think it'll work?
Chandler Bing: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Monica Geller: You can not do this.
Rachel Green: Do what, do what?
Monica Geller: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel Green: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe Buffay: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica Geller: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Rachel Green: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey Tribbiani: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler Bing: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler Bing: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey Tribbiani: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Ross Geller: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler Bing: Yes! Way to go, man! Still got the egg, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: How do I look?
Chandler Bing: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Chandler Bing: ...And what did you bring?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler Bing: Janice?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh... my... God.
Chandler Bing: Hey, it's Janice.
Chandler Bing: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler Bing: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
Joey Tribbiani: Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
Rachel Green: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.
Monica Geller: Which one was Pete Carney?
Rachel Green: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. "Was it good for you?"
Monica Geller: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.
Rachel Green: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!
Monica Geller: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.
Phoebe Buffay: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Monica Geller: There's more beer, right?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Rachel Green: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
Monica Geller: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?
Phoebe Buffay: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
Rachel Green: Or?
Phoebe Buffay: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Monica Geller: Burning's good.
Rachel Green: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.
Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Joey Tribbiani: Good for you. Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Janice Litman Goralnik: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler Bing: That's OK.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
Joey Tribbiani: We can't do that.
Chandler Bing: What? What can't you do?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Chandler Bing: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Joey Tribbiani: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Chandler Bing: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Joey Tribbiani: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Lorraine: Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: I hope she throws up on you.
Chandler Bing: So...
Janice Litman Goralnik: Just us.
Chandler Bing: Oh, what a crappy night!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
Chandler Bing: Excuse me. How ya doin'?
Janice Litman Goralnik: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Chandler Bing: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
Janice Litman Goralnik: I will go for that drink.
Chandler Bing: You got it. Good woman! Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Each.
Chandler Bing: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. I've always wanted to know...
Janice Litman Goralnik: Happy Valentine's Day!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened?
Chandler Bing: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Kiss me!
Monica Geller: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
Monica Geller: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Monica.
Chandler Bing: Ok, well, this was very special.
Monica Geller: Rach, come see who's out here!
Rachel Green: Oh my god. Janice, hi!
Chandler Bing: Janice is gonna go away now.
Monica Geller: I'll be right back.
Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa.
Chandler Bing: Oh, good, Joey's home now.
Janice Litman Goralnik: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
Monica Geller: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. He just happened to call.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know?
Ross Geller: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?
Ross Geller: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Kristin: You mean they're lovers.
Ross Geller: If you wanna put a label on it.
Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?
Ross Geller: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross Geller: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. Helloo!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica Geller: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, that's ok! Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel Green: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Monica Geller: Can we just start throwing things in?
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, yeah, ok. Oh, OK.
Rachel Green: Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.
Monica Geller: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel Green: Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Monica Geller: No.
Rachel Green: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.
Monica Geller: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure...
Chandler Bing: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler Bing: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Hello, funny Valentine.
Chandler Bing: Hi, Just Janice.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
Joey Tribbiani: If you don't do it, I will.
Ross Geller: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working.. ...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Carol Willick: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Susan Bunch: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry.
Ross Geller: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Kristin: I guess.
Ross Geller: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol Willick: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Ross Geller: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin... ...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
Fireman No. 1: What do we got there?
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred pictureWow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!
Monica Geller: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.
Rachel Green: Really?
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
Janice Litman Goralnik: I brought you something.
Chandler Bing: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. Chan and Jan Forever.
Janice Litman Goralnik: I had them made special.
Chandler Bing: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice Litman Goralnik: That's fine.
Chandler Bing: It is?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
Chandler Bing: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
Janice Litman Goralnik: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Chandler Bing: Oh, no I don't.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
Chandler Bing: I did, but...
Janice Litman Goralnik: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
Chandler Bing: Call me!
Carol Willick: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
Ross Geller: You did so. I swear, I swear How long has she been in the bathroom?
Carol Willick: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross Geller: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Carol Willick: That could be it.
Ross Geller: Oh, god. You know, this is still pretty hot.
Carol Willick: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Ross Geller: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Carol Willick: Oh, I love you too. But...
Ross Geller: No but, no but.
Carol Willick: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross Geller: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
Carol Willick: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
Carol Willick: Not her.
Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then?
Rachel Green: So, um, will you bring the truck?
Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell.
Rachel Green: Oh, my god.
Phoebe Buffay: See, there you go, the cleansing works!
Monica Geller: They're nice guys.
Rachel Green: Oh, they're firemen guys.
Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?
Fireman No. 2: No way!
Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!


Rachel Green: Coffee.
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you.
Rachel Green: Cappuccino.
Ross Geller: Grazie.
Rachel Green: And a nice hot cider for Monica.
Monica Geller: Aww, thank you. Uh Rach?
Rachel Green: Yeah?
Monica Geller: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?
Rachel Green: Oh! That's why. I'm sorry!
Woman: Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
Chandler Bing: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. Nothing.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Everyone: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.
Ross Geller: What's going on?
Everyone: What is it?
Chandler Bing: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
Everyone: That's great!
Chandler Bing: So... I quit.
Everyone: Why?
Chandler Bing: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!
Monica Geller: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
Chandler Bing: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
Phoebe Buffay: So was it a lot more money?
Chandler Bing: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
Rachel Green: ... the WENUS?
Chandler Bing: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Rachel Green: Oh. That WENUS.
Joey Tribbiani: So what're you going to do?
Chandler Bing: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Monica Geller: Um... hi there.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so...
Chandler Bing: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah!
Monica Geller: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.
Monica Geller: Oh my God!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know! So, what do you think?
Chandler Bing: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
Phoebe Buffay: OK. Oh Monica! Guess what!
Chandler Bing: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel Green: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.
Phoebe Buffay: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
Chandler Bing: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. I added the "a-gogo."
Rachel Green: Career counselor?
Chandler Bing: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Rachel Green: I don't!
Chandler Bing: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Ross Geller: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech.
Monica Geller: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Brian's Song!
Rachel Green: The meeting with the guy went great?
Monica Geller: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Chandler Bing: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Monica Geller: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.
Rachel Green: What are you going to make?
Phoebe Buffay: Yummy noises.
Rachel Green: And Monica, what are you going to make?
Monica Geller: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! I know what you could make! I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know.
Ross Geller: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey Tribbiani: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross Geller: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Chandler Bing: Who are you going out with?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Rachel Green: Bzzzz... I love you, Ross.
Ross Geller: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Rachel Green: So what are you guys going to do?
Ross Geller: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Chandler Bing: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
Joey Tribbiani: So... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... huh-huh?
Ross Geller: Well, I don't know... huh-huh... but I'm hoping huh-huh.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
Ross Geller: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...
Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...
Ross Geller: Alright...
Monica Geller: OK, try this salmon mousse.
Joey Tribbiani: Mmmm. Good.
Monica Geller: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Joey Tribbiani: It's creamier.
Monica Geller: Yeah, well, is that better?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?
Rachel Green: My God! What happened to you?
Chandler Bing: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Phoebe Buffay: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!
Chandler Bing: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
Rachel Green: Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Monica Geller: Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up.
Chandler Bing: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you.
Monica Geller: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche.
Chandler Bing: Well... it is amouz-ing...
Monica Geller: Hello? Oh, hi Wendy! Yeah, eight o'clock. What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... OK, great. All right, I'll see you then. Bye.
Phoebe Buffay: Ten dollars an hour for what?
Monica Geller: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out.
Rachel Green: Waitressing?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.
Monica Geller: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but...
Rachel Green: But, but?
Monica Geller: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress.
Rachel Green: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
Chandler Bing: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. Amouz-bouche?
Celia: Talk to me.
Ross Geller: OK... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty.
Ross Geller: Wha... what, here?
Celia: Yes...
Ross Geller: Ah...
Celia: Say something... hot.
Ross Geller: Er... um...
Celia: What?
Ross Geller: Um... uh... vulva.
Joey Tribbiani: Vulva?
Ross Geller: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??
Ross Geller: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
Joey Tribbiani: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.
Ross Geller: Please be kidding.
Joey Tribbiani: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
Ross Geller: OK. I'm in my apartment...
Joey Tribbiani: ...yeah... what else?
Ross Geller: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, look, I'll start, OK?
Ross Geller: Joey, please.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! Oh... Ross... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Ross Geller: Wow.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, now you say something.
Ross Geller: I... ahem... I really don't think so.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on! You like this woman, right?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: You want to see her again, right?
Ross Geller: Sure.
Joey Tribbiani: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!
Ross Geller: OK, turn around. I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
Ross Geller: Ahem... I want... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.
Joey Tribbiani: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!
Ross Geller: I, er...
Ross Geller: I want to take my tongue... and...
Ross Geller: ...and...
Joey Tribbiani: Say it... say it!
Ross Geller: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...
Chandler Bing: ...with??
Ross Geller: Funny story!
Joey Tribbiani: You're not going to believe this!
Chandler Bing: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.
Chandler Bing: Again?
Joey Tribbiani: And again, and again, and again... Hello? And again.
Chandler Bing: Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? Yeah, I miss you too. Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? Well, that's very generous er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about... And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you on Monday!
Chandler Bing: Well?
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.
Chandler Bing: Look at this!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! You have a window!
Chandler Bing: Yes indeedy! With a beautiful view of...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh look! That guy's peeing!
Chandler Bing: OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Phoebe Buffay: OK.
Chandler Bing: This is great! Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
Chandler Bing: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.
Chandler Bing: Last time I do that, I promise.
Monica Geller: Wendy, we had a deal! Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!
Rachel Green: Who was that?
Monica Geller: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.
Rachel Green: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye.
Monica Geller: Ten dollars an hour.
Rachel Green: No.
Monica Geller: Twelve dollars an hour.
Rachel Green: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.
Monica Geller: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... twenty dollars an hour.
Rachel Green: Done.
Rachel Green: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?
Monica Geller: Hi Steve!
Steve (drug addict): Hello, Monica. Hello, greeter girl.
Monica Geller: This is Rachel.
Steve (drug addict): Yeah, OK.
Phoebe Buffay: Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of of, OK, smells.
Steve (drug addict): It's a lovely apartment.
Monica Geller: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?
Steve (drug addict): I was just being polite, but, alright.
Rachel Green: What's up?
Phoebe Buffay: In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?
Rachel Green: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.
Steve (drug addict): Is it dry in here?
Rachel Green: Let me, let me get you some wine!
Monica Geller: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... ... with just a touch of mints... and... ... ginger.
Steve (drug addict): Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!
Monica Geller: I'm so glad you liked them!
Steve (drug addict): Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!
Monica Geller: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Steve (drug addict): Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning.
Rachel Green: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?
Steve (drug addict): You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.
Steve (drug addict): Ah, cool! Taco shells! You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.
Monica Geller: You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
Steve (drug addict): Hey! Sugar-O's!
Monica Geller: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes...
Steve (drug addict): Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
Monica Geller: No, we don't.
Steve (drug addict): Oh, OK. Oh, sorry.
Monica Geller: Why don't you just have a seat here? OK... give me the Gummi-bears.
Steve (drug addict): No.
Monica Geller: Give them to me.
Steve (drug addict): Alright, we'll share.
Monica Geller: No, give me the...
Steve (drug addict): Well then you can't have any. Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
Monica Geller: That's it! Dinner is over!
Steve (drug addict): What?
Monica Geller: What?
Steve (drug addict): Why?
Monica Geller: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
Steve (drug addict): Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: What a tool!
Rachel Green: You don't want to work for a guy like that.
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Monica Geller: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it.
Ross Geller: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
Joey Tribbiani: So, er... how did it go with Celia?
Ross Geller: Oh, I was unbelievable.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, Ross!
Ross Geller: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa! And the... huh-huh?
Ross Geller: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
Joey Tribbiani: You cuddled.
Ross Geller: Yeah, which was nice.
Phoebe Buffay: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Rachel Green: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Chandler Bing: Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! Whooooaaaa...
Phoebe Buffay: How's this?
Steve (drug addict): Eeeee!
Phoebe Buffay: Sorry. How about over here?
Steve (drug addict): Aaaaah!
Phoebe Buffay: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt?
Steve (drug addict): No.
Phoebe Buffay: What about this?
Steve (drug addict): Aaaaahhh!!
Phoebe Buffay: There you go!


Chandler Bing: This is unbelievable. Its been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, youd be looking like a ham right about now.
Joey Tribbiani: Theres the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?
Chandler Bing: Its Phoebe! Hi!
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Chandler Bing: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no... how come you are working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Chandler Bing: Can we start over?
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here.
Ross Geller: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Rachel Green: No, yeah, Ive done that.
Ross Geller: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel Green: Ive never done that.
Chandler Bing: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesnt look exactly like her sister.
Joey Tribbiani: Im sayin I see a difference.
Chandler Bing: Theyre twins!
Joey Tribbiani: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Chandler Bing: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Lets not do that any more.
Everyone: Hey guys! Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Joey Tribbiani: Nope.
Phoebe Buffay: Morly Safer.
Joey Tribbiani: Nope.
Phoebe Buffay: The woman who cuts my hair!
Monica Geller: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.
Chandler Bing: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, really.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...
Phoebe Buffay: Rifts. Yeah, I know.
Chandler Bing: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys havent talked in like years.
Phoebe Buffay: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Joey Tribbiani: Not from where I was standin.
Phoebe Buffay: where were you standing?
Rachel Green: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just dont get along?
Phoebe Buffay: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Ross Geller: Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Chandler Bing: Oh, and Ive got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
Rachel Green: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross Geller: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Rachel Green: Well, isnt, isnt that gonna be weird?
Ross Geller: No, no. I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica Geller: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross Geller: I know.
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next?
Ross Geller: Hi, um, Im err, Im Ross Geller, and err ah... ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... ..whos next?
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Ross Geller: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Carol Willick: Life partner.
Ross Geller: Like buddies.
Susan Bunch: Like lovers.
Ross Geller: You know how close women can get.
Carol Willick: Susan and I live together.
Ross Geller: Although I was married to her.
Susan Bunch: Carol, not me.
Ross Geller: Err, right.
Carol Willick: Its a little complicated.
Ross Geller: A little.
Susan Bunch: But were fine.
Ross Geller: Absolutely. So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. Ouch.
Chandler Bing: And to you too, Helen.
Helen: Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Chandler Bing: Oh, okay. Send her in.
Nina Bookbinder: Hi.
Chandler Bing: Hi, Nina. Come on in.
Nina Bookbinder: You wanted to see me?
Chandler Bing: Uh, Yes. Yes. Ive just been going over your data here, and little thing, youve been post-dating your Friday numbers.
Nina Bookbinder: Which is bad, because?
Chandler Bing: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
Nina Bookbinder: Your... excuse me?
Chandler Bing: WENUS. Weekly Estimated Net...
Nina Bookbinder: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Wont happen again. I wouldnt want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."
Chandler Bing: Its not just that shes cute, okay. Its just that... shes really really cute.
Ross Geller: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica Geller: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross Geller: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Monica Geller: Great.
Ross Geller: Relax, I'll fix it.
Rachel Green: Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Ross Geller: How did he do this?
Chandler Bing: So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Monica Geller: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Years... but obviously someone forgot.
Rachel Green: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... How long has that been there?
Chandler Bing: Hey, where you been?
Joey Tribbiani: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Chandler Bing: Score.
Joey Tribbiani: She is so hot!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err...
Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Joey Tribbiani: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Phoebe Buffay: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Joey Tribbiani: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I mean, I'm not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Cool, thanks.
Ross Geller: You okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah Im fine.
Ross Geller: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
Ross Geller: Sorry.
Ross Geller: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Susan Bunch: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I'll get the information.
Ross Geller: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
Susan Bunch: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Teacher: Alrighty. Were gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why dont you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummys head.
Susan Bunch: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Ross Geller: Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Susan Bunch: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman.
Ross Geller: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Susan Bunch: I will flip you for it.
Ross Geller: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
Susan Bunch: On your back... Mom.
Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
Chandler Bing: Mr. D, hows it going, sir?
Mr. Douglas: Ohh, its been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
Chandler Bing: And?
Mr. Douglas: Its pretty ugly. We havent seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.
Chandler Bing: So what does this mean?
Mr. Douglas: Well, were gonna be layin off people in every department.
Chandler Bing: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very –
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?
Chandler Bing: Nina? Nina. Nina. Nina.
Nina Bookbinder: Are you okay?
Chandler Bing: Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Nina Bookbinder: What?
Chandler Bing: Would you like to have dinner sometime?
Rachel Green: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel Green: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
Rachel Green: Ooh, okay... good.
Jamie: What is this place?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
Jamie: I think we have an answer.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Whats she doing here?
Jamie: This could be Gods way of telling us to eat at home.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Think she got fired at Riffs?
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... ..bringing swordfish. are you gonna go to the, um?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Jamie: It looks like her.
Jamie: Um, excuse me.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Jamie: Hi, its us.
Phoebe Buffay: Right, and its me.
Jamie: So, so youre here too?
Phoebe Buffay: Much as you are.
Jamie: Your turn.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Err... we know what we want.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, thats good.
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
Frank Buffay Jr.: And some biscottie cookies.
Phoebe Buffay: Good choice.
Jamie: Definitely her.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah.
Monica Geller: I cant believe you. You still havent told that girl she doesnt have a job yet?
Chandler Bing: Well, you still havent taken down the Christmas lights.
Monica Geller: Congratulations, I think youve found the worlds thinnest argument.
Chandler Bing: Im just trying to find the right moment, you know?
Rachel Green: Oh, well, that shouldnt be so hard, now that youre dating. "Sweetheart, youre fired, but how bout a quickie before I go to work?"
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Chandler Bing: You know, once youre inside, you dont have to knock any more.
Monica Geller: I'll get it.
Monica Geller: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.
Mr. Heckles: Youre doing it again.
Monica Geller: Were not doing anything. Were just sitting around talking, quietly.
Mr. Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats cant sleep.
Rachel Green: You dont even have cats.
Mr. Heckles: I could have cats.
Monica Geller: Goodbye Mr.Heckles.
Rachel Green: Well try to keep it down.
Joey Tribbiani: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, my first birthday present... ..oh, this is really...
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... ..okay, it fits.
Rachel Green: Are you seein her again tonight?
Joey Tribbiani: Yep. Ice Capades.
Chandler Bing: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Joey Tribbiani: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Phoebe Buffay: That you like, we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay... Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Chandler Bing: Knit, good woman, knit, knit!
Chandler Bing: And thats the Chrysler Building right there.
Mr. Douglas: Nina.
Nina Bookbinder: Mr.Douglas... ..cool tie.
Mr. Douglas: Shes still here.
Chandler Bing: Yes, yes she is. Didnt I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
Chandler Bing: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.
Mr. Douglas: Youre kidding? She seems so...
Chandler Bing: Oh, no, no. Nina... ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Mr. Douglas: Thats unbelievable.
Chandler Bing: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know whats goin on inside a persons head.
Chandler Bing: Well, I guess thats why they call it psychology, sir.
Soothing Male Voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
Ross Geller: Susan, go deep.
Carol Willick: This is impossible. Its just impossible.
Susan Bunch: What is, honey?
Carol Willick: What that woman... did. I am not doin that. Its just gonna have to stay in, thats all, everything will be the same, itll just stay in.
Ross Geller: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol Willick: Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Susan Bunch: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
Susan Bunch: I know its frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when its over, were all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
Susan Bunch: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross Geller: Im gonna be a father.
Rachel Green: This is just occurring to you?
Ross Geller: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Rachel Green: Oh, youre gonna be great!
Ross Geller: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler Bing: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
Phoebe Buffay: Wherere you going?
Joey Tribbiani: Out.
Phoebe Buffay: With?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Phoebe Buffay: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, not that its any of your business, but, no, we havent, okay?
Joey Tribbiani: You meant sex, right?
Nina Bookbinder: Do you have a sec?
Chandler Bing: Ah, sure, Nina. Whats up?
Nina Bookbinder: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Chandler Bing: Oh, well, ah... maybe thats because theyre ah... jealous, of us.
Nina Bookbinder: Maybe. But that doesnt explain why they keep taking my scissors.
Chandler Bing: Ah, well, maybe thats, ah, because youre getting a big raise.
Nina Bookbinder: I am?
Chandler Bing: Sure, why not?
Nina Bookbinder: Oh my god! Youre amazing!
Chandler Bing: Oh, you dont know. Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinders raise?
Helen: So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
Nina Bookbinder: What?
Chandler Bing: Helen drinks. Will you marry me?
Chandler Bing: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Rachel Green: Oh, howd she take it?
Chandler Bing: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. Little tip: if youre ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... ..on the desk.
Monica Geller: Okay, I think I get how to do this.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Monica Geller: okay, Pheebs, theyre gone.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Monica Geller: Are you alright?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, hes going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe Buffay: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Rachel Green: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.
Phoebe Buffay: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Chandler Bing: Youre not gonna lose him.
Monica Geller: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Okay.
Ross Geller: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
Phoebe Buffay: But hes falling in love with her.
Rachel Green: Oh please, theyve been going out a week. They havent even slept together yet, I mean, thats not serious.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, oh.
Ursula: Oh.
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Monica Geller: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Rachel Green: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... ..Im takin em down. Okay? Whoa!
Monica Geller: Oh-my-god Rachel! Rachel!
Rachel Green: Im okay! Im okay! Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
Mr. Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.


Rachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Monica Geller: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.
Nurse Sizemore: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
Nurse Sizemore: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
Rachel Green: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.
Monica Geller: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
Rachel Green: You.
Monica Geller: Really?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Oh, that is so sweet. Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?
Rachel Green: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.
Monica Geller: you don't have insurance?
Rachel Green: Why, how much is this gonna cost?
Monica Geller: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.
Rachel Green: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?
Monica Geller: Well there's not much we can do.
Rachel Green: Um... unless, unless I use yours.
Monica Geller: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.
Rachel Green: well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Monica Geller: That's insurance fraud.
Rachel Green: Well, alright, then, forget it. Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Monica Geller: Okay, okay. I hate this.
Rachel Green: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.
Monica Geller: Hi, um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms .
Nurse Sizemore: Why?
Monica Geller: I am really an idiot. you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, I put mine.
Nurse Sizemore: You are an idiot. .
Monica Geller: yep, that's me, I am that stupid .
Ross Geller: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Ross Geller: No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Joey Tribbiani: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross Geller: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.
Chandler Bing: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Joey Tribbiani: He should take the sack?
Ross Geller: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler Bing: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Chandler Bing: Well, only if you order stuff.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross Geller: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey Tribbiani: When's that?
Ross Geller: Tonight.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Ross Geller: You take your time.
Chandler Bing: There it is! So what're you gonna do?
Joey Tribbiani: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Chandler Bing: And your friend Phoebe?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?
Chandler Bing: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?
Monica Geller: Yes? ..yes, she is.
Rachel Green: Hi, this is my friend Rachel.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Dr. Mitchell: Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell.
Dr. Rosen: And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
Rachel Green: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Dr. Rosen: Excuse me?
Rachel Green: I meant er, young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Monica Geller: Thank you.
Rachel Green: Right.
Rachel Green: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Monica Geller: Uh, you left out the stupid part.
Rachel Green: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes."
Monica Geller: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.
Rachel Green: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
Chandler Bing: Alright, what have we learned so far?
The Whole Party: SURPRISE!!!
Ross Geller: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Rachel Green: Was that the cake?
Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.
Monica Geller: Come on, she'll be here any minute.
Rachel Green: I hope it's okay.
Monica Geller: Oh...
Chandler Bing: "Happy Birthday Peehe."
Monica Geller: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.
Ross Geller: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, what's going on?
Ross Geller: Oh, we just...
Phoebe's Friends: Surprise!
Phoebe Buffay: oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! You found Betty! Oh my god! This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, Where's Joey?
Chandler Bing: Did you see Betty?
Ross Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Ross Geller: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Ross Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash;
Ross Geller: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Ross Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross Geller: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Ross Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?
Ross Geller: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Ross Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Ross Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Ross Geller: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
Ross Geller: Eat your fish.
Monica Geller: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Rachel Green: Okay, coming!
Monica Geller: Hi, come on in.
Dr. Mitchell: Hey.
Monica Geller: Hi, Geoffrey.
Rachel Green: Hi.
Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Rachel Green: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?
Monica Geller: It's uh...
Monica Geller: ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.
Rachel Green: You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... STAT!
Rachel Green: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Monica Geller: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
Rachel Green: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica Geller: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
Dr. Mitchell: So?
Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
Dr. Rosen: okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. Go like this.
Monica Geller: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel Green: I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
Monica Geller: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Rachel Green: You know what?
Monica Geller: What?
Rachel Green: You know what?
Monica Geller: What!?
Rachel Green: You know what?
Monica Geller: What!!?
Rachel Green: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.
Rachel Green: Hello! Here we go!
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Rachel Green: Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Monica Geller: Yeah... ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
Dr. Mitchell: Really?
Monica Geller: Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. Why don't you try the hummus?
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Rachel Green: Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
Dr. Rosen: Good for you.
Rachel Green: Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great.
Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.
Monica Geller: Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!
Rachel Green: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Monica Geller: I used to wet my bed.
Rachel Green: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica Geller: We both do that!
Dr. Mitchell: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica Geller: Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
Rachel Green: Would you excuse me for a second?
Monica Geller: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Rachel Green: Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! ...dead!
Monica Geller: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Ross Geller: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.
Ross Geller: Maybe not.
Rachel Green: Hello? Um, yeah, uh, Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
Rachel Green: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
Monica Geller: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want!
Rachel Green: Okay no, you do it.
Monica Geller: Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down. Thank you.
Rachel Green: What?
Monica Geller: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
Rachel Green: Ohhh... Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
Monica Geller: Thank you.
Rachel Green: Okay, let me just change.
Monica Geller: Yes.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: Trouble?
Joey Tribbiani: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?
Ross Geller: Well did you try calling her?
Joey Tribbiani: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Ursula: Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: Um you, you got a minute?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... ..working.
Phoebe Buffay: So.
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Phoebe Buffay: Right, like the kind you...
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Phoebe Buffay: How'd you know I was coming?
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did this.
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you... ..did this.
Phoebe Buffay: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Phoebe Buffay: Does he know?
Ursula: Who?
Phoebe Buffay: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.
Ursula: He is? Why?
Phoebe Buffay: You got me.
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Phoebe Buffay: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Ursula: What? Do you think he likes me?
Phoebe Buffay: No, Joey.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe Buffay: No. No food with a face.
Ursula: You have not changed!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you too.
Rachel Green: Hi, remember us?
Nurse Sizemore: Mmm hmmm.
Monica Geller: Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. 'cause um...
Nurse Sizemore: You're that stupid.
Monica Geller: I am. I'm that stupid.
Rachel Green: Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Nurse Sizemore: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I know... ..I'm I'm just not that bright either.
Chandler Bing: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Ross Geller: Uh-huh.
Chandler Bing: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross Geller: Do you have a point?
Chandler Bing: You know, you think I would.
Chandler Bing: What's up with the simian?
Ross Geller: It's just a fur ball.
Chandler Bing: Okay... ..whose turn is it?
Ross Geller: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.
Chandler Bing: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.
Ross Geller: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
Ross Geller: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
Nurse Sizemore: You go get that animal outta here.
Ross Geller: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Monica Geller: What's goin' on?
Chandler Bing: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Nurse Sizemore: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Ross Geller: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
Monica Geller: Michael.
Dr. Mitchell: Rachel.
Rachel Green: What?
Monica Geller: Monica.
Rachel Green: Oh.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Joey Tribbiani: Urse...
Joey Tribbiani: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.
Phoebe Buffay: Listen, um...
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen."
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sorry.
Joey Tribbiani: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?
Phoebe Buffay: : Yeah, um... You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Joey Tribbiani: You don't drink.
Phoebe Buffay: That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, Urse...
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Joey Tribbiani: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Joey Tribbiani: no. No, I, I couldn't do that.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Joey Tribbiani: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: You know... You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Joey Tribbiani: I know...
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.
Phoebe Buffay: Really?
Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oooh...
Ross Geller: He looks so tiny.
Joey Tribbiani: We just got the message.
Phoebe Buffay: Is he alright?
Ross Geller: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.
Chandler Bing: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
Ross Geller: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.
Chandler Bing: So, you feel like a dad yet?
Ross Geller: No, why?
Chandler Bing: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Monica Geller: Oh, look, he's waking up!
Ross Geller: hey, fella! How you doing?
Ross Geller: Aqui est.
Monica Geller: A quin pidio el pollo General Tso?
Chandler Bing: Pudo aver sido General Tso!
Rachel Green: Mira, Mira, el viejo desnudo est haciendo el hula hoop!
Everyone: Ewww!
Everyone: Hola, Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hola, amigos!
Monica Geller: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto.
Ross Geller: Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele!