Ross Geller: I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore.
Rachel Green: You want me to just quit my job so that you can feel like you've got a girlfriend?
Ross Geller: Is this about Mark?
Rachel Green: Oh my God.
Ross Geller: Okay, it's not, it's not.
Rachel Green: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight with you Ross! Look, urrgh, maybe we should take a break.
Ross Geller: Fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yoghurt, or something..
Rachel Green: No. A break from us.
Rachel Green: Then, we had this big, stupid fight, and I said I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.
Ross Geller: I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?
Mark Robinson: Hey, what do you want to drink?
Ross Geller: Who's that?
Rachel Green: Nobody.
Ross Geller: Is that Mark?
Rachel Green: Umm, honey, look he just came over to...
Ross Geller: Yeah! Got it!
Chloe: Hey, come dance. What? Are you married? 'Cause that's okay.
Monica Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Monica Geller: How's the big anniversary dinner?
Rachel Green: Well, we never actually got to dinner.
Monica Geller: Ohhh, nice.
Rachel Green: No, we kinda broke up instead.
Monica Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: God, Monica it's on the ceiling.
Monica Geller: That's okay, this is more important than fruit on my ceiling! You broke up?!
Rachel Green: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Monica Geller: Oh no!!
Rachel Green: No.
Monica Geller: Rachel, you and Mark?!
Rachel Green: No, no-no, it's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realised how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work.
Chloe: Morning!
Rachel Green: Hi, it's me. I've been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, Ross, you gotta know there is nothing between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid.
Ross Geller: Yeah!!
Rachel Green: Eh, I'm just so sorry I put you through it. And, I y'know, I don't want to get back together over a machine.
Ross Geller: Na-huh.
Rachel Green: So, I love you.
Ross Geller: I love you.
Rachel Green: And y'know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed now, but ah, on my way to work tomorrow morning, I'm gonna stop by around 8:30.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Bye.
Ross Geller: Chloe, Chloe how's it coming?!!
Chloe: Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
Ross Geller: Umm, oh, hey, I don't know. How about a big one?
Chloe: But my apartment is so...
Ross Geller: Well then a small one!! Listen, let's, we kinda have to get going!
Chloe: Wait! Where's my shoes?
Ross Geller: You, you sure you need shoes? Okay.
Chloe: Do I know why we're rushing?
Ross Geller: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Chloe: That's so great for you guys!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
Chloe: You must be so happy!
Ross Geller: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things I'm feeling. Well...
Chloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.
Ross Geller: Oh, thank you. Hey, hey. Rachel!!!!
Rachel Green: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.
Ross Geller: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
Rachel Green: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
Ross Geller: Yes, you can, very much.
Ross Geller: Ahhhh!!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica Geller: Oh, there's banana on it.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Monica Geller: So then you know?
Phoebe Buffay: The mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail.
Monica Geller: Oh, good. Thanks.
Phoebe Buffay: Now what is Fabutec?
Monica Geller: Okay, all right don't judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing...
Phoebe Buffay: Waxine!!
Monica Geller: Yes! Have you seen it?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Monica Geller: I know!!
Phoebe Buffay: God. Do think it really doesn't hurt? 'Cause how can they do that?
Monica Geller: Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest!
Phoebe Buffay: They have the best stuff in there.
Chandler Bing: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?
Ross Geller: You think?! God, I, ah, I'm in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all like, 'I love you and, and let's work on this.' And all I can think about is, 'What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say?' when I tell her what I did.
Chandler Bing: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question. How dumb are you?
Ross Geller: What?! Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Joey Tribbiani: Look, Ross look, I'm on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
Chandler Bing: He's right. Nobody's gonna benefit, and you're just gonna hurt her.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
Ross Geller: Yeah, but don't you think...
Chandler Bing: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
Ross Geller: Yeah, okay.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, okay, now, we just have to make sure she doesn't find out some other way. Did you think about the trail?
Ross Geller: What trail?
Joey Tribbiani: The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! You always have to think about the trail!
Ross Geller: Oh, I-I don't think there's any trail.
Chandler Bing: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issac's sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebe's friends with Rachel. And that's the trail, I did it!
Phoebe Buffay: After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,
Monica Geller: Did that!
Phoebe Buffay: Grasp one of the linen strips by its 'easy grab tab' and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
Monica Geller: Okay. Ow!!!!! Ow-oh-oh!
Phoebe Buffay: Was it not pain-free?
Monica Geller: No. It was painful. Oh my God , they should call it Pain-zine, now with a little wax.
Phoebe Buffay: Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
Monica Geller: That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid. But hey, y'know if you don't believe me, please, by my guest.
Phoebe Buffay: Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
Monica Geller: Now, are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?
Ross Geller: Chloe? Hi..
Chloe: Is this about me taking your watch?
Ross Geller: You took my watch?
Chloe: I'm sorry, I do that.
Ross Geller: Just you keep it, listen did you, did you tell anyone about us?
Chloe: Oh no. I feel it isn't really anybody's business, y'know.
Ross Geller: Exactly. So you didn't, didn't mention anything to Issac right?
Chloe: Oh, well I tell Issac everything.
Ross Geller: You tell, of course you do. Issac. Issac. Hey, Issac. Issac, hi! Y'know we haven't actually met...
Issac: You dog!
Ross Geller: Yes, I suppose I am a dog. But Issac, see I-I happen to have a girlfriend.
Issac: Oh right, that Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Ross Geller: Yeah, that's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt her.
Issac: Oh, hey, man I know, doesn't matter how much we love 'em, monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Ross Geller: Yeah. Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Issac: Aw, no problem dude. Y'know we got to look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Ross Geller: Actually, no, we're not.
Issac: Yeah, we are.
Ross Geller: No, we're not.
Issac: Yeah, we are.
Ross Geller: No, we're not!!
Issac: Okay, we're not.
Ross Geller: Right.
Issac: But, we are.
Ross Geller: Fine. I just need to know that you're not gonna tell your sister.
Issac: I can promise not to tell her again.
Ross Geller: Jasmine?
Jasmine: Uh-huh.
Ross Geller: We met at Phoebe's birthday party, I'm, I'm Ross Geller.
Jasmine: You did a bad thing!
Ross Geller: Yes, I did.
Jasmine: Very bad!
Ross Geller: Very bad.
Jasmine: Very, very bad.
Ross Geller: I'm agreeing with you. Did you, listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
Jasmine: No.
Ross Geller: Okay, Jasmine, please, please don't. I love my girlfriend very much, and I want more than anything to just work it out with her. Okay?
Jasmine: All right.
Ross Geller: Thank you, thank you.
Jasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate, because I told him and he knows Phoebe too.
Ross Geller: Who's your roommate?
Ross Geller: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?
Monica Geller: Ow!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh!!
Monica Geller: Ow!! Ow!!
Phoebe Buffay: Ow!!!
Phoebe Buffay: We're all right.
Monica Geller: It's okay, it's okay.
Phoebe Buffay: We're all right.
Monica Geller: We were just waxing our legs.
Chandler Bing: Off?!!
Phoebe Buffay: For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well I don't think you can make that statement, unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, that's all. I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, come here.
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's mature.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, fine, so now what, I just pull it off?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.
Monica Geller: That's right.
Ross Geller: Come on, Rachel, come on! Talk to me! Please!!
Rachel Green: I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you right now!
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: Nothing, nothing.
Monica Geller: Rachel said everything was okay.
Phoebe Buffay: What, what are they talking about?
Ross Geller: Rachel?
Rachel Green: Just get away from me!
Ross Geller: No, it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?
Rachel Green: A mistake?! What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!
Phoebe Buffay: Whe-where did he put it?!
Rachel Green: Ross, you had sex with another woman!
Monica Geller: Oh my God.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk...
Monica Geller: Oh!! You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?!
Chandler Bing: He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Rachel Green: Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
Ross Geller: No!!
Rachel Green: Just get out! Now!!
Ross Geller: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
Rachel Green: Okay! All right! How was she?
Chandler Bing: Uh-oh.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: Was she good?
Joey Tribbiani: Don't answer that.
Rachel Green: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it!! How was she?
Ross Geller: She was...
Joey Tribbiani: Awful! Horrible!
Chandler Bing: She was not good. Not good.
Joey Tribbiani: She was nothing compared to you.
Ross Geller: She, she was different.
Joey Tribbiani: Ewwwww!
Chandler Bing: Uh-oh.
Rachel Green: Good different?
Ross Geller: Nobody likes change.
Ross Geller: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Should we do something?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
Ross Geller: I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry. I wa-I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so, I was so upset and then I got your message and I was so happy, and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.
Rachel Green: Whoa!! Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? Oh my God. She was there? She was still there? She was in there, when I was in there?!
Ross Geller: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!
Rachel Green: And yet she was worth jeopardising our relationship!!
Ross Geller: Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardise. I thought we were broken up.
Rachel Green: We were on a break!
Ross Geller: That, for all I knew would, could last forever. That to me is a break-up.
Rachel Green: You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?
Ross Geller: Look, I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay. I thought our relationship was dead!
Rachel Green: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know what, I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
Monica Geller: What, what are you doing? You can't go out there.
Joey Tribbiani: Why not?! I'm hungry.
Monica Geller: Because they'll know we've been listening.
Rachel Green: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!
Ross Geller: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen!
Rachel Green: Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, we'll be fine.
Ross Geller: Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Chandler Bing: Wax the door shut, we're never leaving, ever.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi, it's Phoebe. Listen someone's gonna have to take my 9:00 with Mr. Rehack, 'cause it's like 9:15 now, and I'm not there.
Ross Geller: Don't you realise none of this would've ever happened if I didn't think at that same moment you weren't having sex with Mark?
Rachel Green: All right. Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you have been able to forgive me?
Ross Geller: Yes I would.
Rachel Green: You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, and been naked with me, and made love to me?
Ross Geller: Yes.
Rachel Green: You knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were...
Ross Geller: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean it's you.
Everyone: Ohhhhh!
Ross Geller: What? Come on Rach, tell me what you're thinking?
Rachel Green: I'm thinking, I'm gonna order a pizza.
Ross Geller: Order a pizza like, 'I forgive you?'
Joey Tribbiani: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. Put olives on the pizza.
Phoebe Buffay: We could eat the wax! It's organic.
Chandler Bing: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe Buffay: No, not the used wax.
Chandler Bing: Because that would be crazy?
Ross Geller: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because I'm kinda hungry myself.
Rachel Green: Fine. Hi! Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
Ross Geller: No anchovies.
Rachel Green: With ah, extra anchovies.
Ross Geller: That's okay, I'll just pick 'em off.
Rachel Green: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right there in the sauce?
Ross Geller: You can have the last piece, if you want.
Rachel Green: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
Phoebe Buffay: They're gonna get through this, aren't they?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, come on, it's Ross and Rachel, they've got too.
Monica Geller: What if they don't?
Joey Tribbiani: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler Bing: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Well y'know, I've been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler Bing: Are you actually saying these words?
Ross Geller: What, now you're not even taking to me? Look Rachel, I-I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought I'd lost you, I didn't know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I don't cheat right, I, that's not me, I'm not Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-ho-ho! Yeah, okay.
Monica Geller: Hey. It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them are wondering where I am.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved.
Ross Geller: Y'know what, y'know what, I'm-I'm not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. You're the one that bailed on us. You're the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!
Rachel Green: That's...
Ross Geller: That's what?!
Rachel Green: That is neither here nor there.
Ross Geller: Okay, well here we are. Now we're in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? Look, I, I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And I'm sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
Rachel Green: No Ross!! Don't! You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better. Okay?
Ross Geller: Okay, okay, okay.
Rachel Green: I think you should go.
Ross Geller: What?
Rachel Green: I really think you need to go now.
Ross Geller: Okay, okay. This morning you said there was nothing so big that we couldn't work past it together...
Rachel Green: Yeah, what the hell did I know!
Ross Geller: Look, look, there's got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, I can't imagine, I can't imagine my life without you. Without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, and, and...
Rachel Green: No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing with her, I can't, it doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed, everything. Forever.
Ross Geller: Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean.
Rachel Green: Then how come it is?
Phoebe Buffay: They've been quiet for a long time.
Joey Tribbiani: Maybe she killed him?
Chandler Bing: Let's go.
Chandler Bing: Is that your new walk?
Joey Tribbiani: No, I really have to pee.


Joey Tribbiani: Can I see the comics?
Chandler Bing: This is the New York Times.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, may I see the comics?
Monica Geller: Guys. I thought you were taking Ross to the game?
Chandler Bing: We are. He's meeting us here.
Monica Geller: No! Rachel is meeting us here.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, you shoulda been there last night.
Phoebe Buffay: Why? What happened now?
Joey Tribbiani: Well Ross was hangin' out over at our place, Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturiser from Chandler...
Chandler Bing: Yeah y-you, how hard is it to say something? Rachel came over to borrow something.
Joey Tribbiani: Anyway! Her and Ross just started yelling at each other.
Phoebe Buffay: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy...
Joey Tribbiani: I had the same dream!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I had the opposite dream.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what maybe it's gonna be okay, I mean it's been a week.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I mean it's never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Monica Geller: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.
Monica Geller: Okay, let's go!! Let's hit the road!!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Let's get the show on it!
Rachel Green: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.
Monica Geller: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.
Rachel Green: Closer than here?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hey, look, I found coffee! Okay, let's skedaddle.
Rachel Green: Wait, I'm not just gonna drink somebody's old coffee.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, your highness.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, Rachel I'm really sorry. That's okay, do you wanna get back together? Yeah, okay. Did anyone else hear that?!
Rachel Green: Is he here?
Chandler Bing: No.
Rachel Green: Oh. Here's your moisturiser. Hi!
Rachel Green: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. Okay, I said that out loud right?
Chandler Bing: Yes, yes, it's just that we ah, we kinda all ready, made plans with Ross.
Rachel Green: Oh, well okay. Well, there you go.
Phoebe Buffay: No, it's just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.
Rachel Green: Hm-mm.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, he's really excited about it too, he even recorded show times on his answering machine.
Rachel Green: Ohh!
Monica Geller: We're sorry honey.
Rachel Green: Oh, it's okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Rach, it's, it's ah, it's not that we don't want to, really. Are we talking models in their underwear?
Rachel Green: And heels.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Rachel Green: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, that's only fair.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohhh boy, do I feel bad.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah.
Monica Geller: Very bad.
Phoebe Buffay: Chandler what are you doing?!
Monica Geller: Chandler!!
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Joey Tribbiani: You're smoking again?!
Chandler Bing: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm, I'm smoking still.
Phoebe Buffay: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
Chandler Bing: Look, I'm telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Monica Geller: Weren't you nine?!
Chandler Bing: Yeahhh. I'm tellin' ya something, that ah, first smoke after nap time...
Chandler Bing: Oh that's great, with my luck, that's gonna be him.
Phoebe Buffay: Him? Him, Ross?
Chandler Bing: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism.
Rachel Green: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? I'm asking you first, right?!. I mean I'm playing by the rules.
Everyone: Absolutely, yeah!
Rachel Green: Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?!
Chandler Bing: Hey, shut up!! You're not my real Mom!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
Phoebe Buffay: Wait. Really?! 'Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Ross Geller: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. It's been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Chandler Bing: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Ross Geller: Oh hey, hey, huh, how about this weekend we have a laser disc marathon okay, and maybe a tournament on my new dart board? Huh, huh, what do you think? Two days of darts, it'll be great!
Joey Tribbiani: It'll be great for next weekend.
Ross Geller: No, no, no, this weekend guys!
Joey Tribbiani: It'll be great for next weekend. I mean, it'll be grrreat.
Ross Geller: What's going on?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachel's sister's cabin.
Ross Geller: So, for the whole weekend?
Monica Geller: We're really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.
Ross Geller: Yeah, that's okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what, I can stay, I'm gonna stay. 'Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmother's cab, but y'know what, I'll stay.
Monica Geller: Noo! I'll stay. He's my brother.
Ross Geller: What a pity stay?
Monica Geller: No! We're gonna have fun. We can make fudge!
Ross Geller: Pity food? Y'know what that's okay, all right, I don't need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.
Chandler Bing: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
Monica Geller: Why? Do you think he's still mad at us?
Chandler Bing: Well he's probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.
Joey Tribbiani: What? Mine aren't tinted.
Phoebe Buffay: Chandler!!
Chandler Bing: What?
Phoebe Buffay: What does the sign say?
Chandler Bing: Beam me up Jesus.
Phoebe Buffay: No, the 'No Smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my Grandmother's cab.
Chandler Bing: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
Everyone: Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: Please!
Monica Geller: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.
Chandler Bing: Oh, come on, there's a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, now I have to go!!
Chandler Bing: Here we go. Okay, brace yourselves.
Monica Geller: What?
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: Ow!
Phoebe Buffay: Aren't you gonna go?
Rachel Green: No. Thank you.
Monica Geller: No, Rachel never pees in public restrooms.
Rachel Green: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is 'no tissue, no tuschy.' Well, if everybody's going.
Phoebe Buffay: No, y'know what don't close it 'cause the... keys...are in there.
Chandler Bing: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!
Joey Tribbiani: What's going on?
Chandler Bing: My lighter's in there!
Chandler Bing: Damn! The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this!
Joey Tribbiani: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
Chandler Bing: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
Monica Geller: So, if you're parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?
Joey Tribbiani: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Monica Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: What?!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?
Monica Geller: Please!!
Joey Tribbiani: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.
The Girls: No, not getting my bra!
Joey Tribbiani: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.
Monica Geller: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.
Rachel Green: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.
Monica Geller: All right then, your bra would still be big.
Rachel Green: No, I stuff outside the bra.
Chandler Bing: Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monica's bra.
Phoebe Buffay: All right, forget it, nevermind, you can have mine.
Rachel Green: Chandler, what are you doing? There is a trash can right there.
Chandler Bing: Well, I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, there.
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you Phoebe, that is very, very generous.
Chandler Bing: Okay, now let's decide who has the nicest ass.
Joey Tribbiani: And there you go!
Everyone: Oh, yeahhhhh!!!
Monica Geller: Chandler!!
Chandler Bing: At least let me smoke it to the good part.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh, no!
Rachel Green: What, what's it, what's going on?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, this has happened before.
Rachel Green: So you know how to fix it?
Phoebe Buffay: Yep. Put more gas in.
Carol Willick: Hi!
Ross Geller: Hey.
Carol Willick: Hey, what are you doing here?
Ross Geller: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
Carol Willick: Ah yeah, but now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross Geller: Where's Ben?
Carol Willick: He's sleeping.
Ross Geller: Ahh. Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Carol Willick: Umm, yeah, actually, Susan's gonna be home any minute, it's kinda an anniversary.
Ross Geller: Oh! I thought you guys got married in uh, January?
Carol Willick: It's not that kind of anniversary.
Ross Geller: Ah! Oh.
Carol Willick: Sooo!! Anyway...
Ross Geller: Umm, candles, champagne, yeah anniversaries are great. 'Cause you know love lasts forever, y'know. Nothing like it in this lifetime, money in the bank, so Rachel and I broke up.
Carol Willick: Oh God, Ross I am so sorry.
Ross Geller: Yeah, well.
Carol Willick: Y'know what, I want to talk to you about this so much, but we should probably do it when we could really get into it, are you free for dinner tomorrow night?
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, I'd love that.
Carol Willick: Oh, great! Me too.
Ross Geller: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah. Triple A can pick us up.
Rachel Green: Great!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, what town are we near?
Monica Geller: Freemont. West-Westmont, ah Westburg?
Phoebe Buffay: Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route we're on?
Rachel Green: Yeah, we are definitely on Route 27.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay. There is no Route 27. Okay, either 93 or 76?
Rachel Green: I don't know, I'm sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Hey, can you send somebody up and down 76 and check every rest stop, and, and also 93? Okay! Yeah, no they don't do that.
Rachel Green: Ugh, okay, well somebody will come and save us.
Monica Geller: Who? I mean have you seen a car come by here in the last hour and a half? I think we should call Ross, maybe he can get a car and come pick us up.
Rachel Green: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!
Phoebe Buffay: But if...
Rachel Green: No you guys, I am not getting in a car with him, you'll have to think of something else.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
Monica Geller: So the going for help went well?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler Bing: I have the lung capacity of a two year old.
Monica Geller: Then why are you smoking?
Chandler Bing: Well it's very unsettling.
Ross Geller: ...right? Right? I mean it's pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I don't, I don't need them, huh, I've got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Carol Willick: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Ross Geller: 717? Where's 717? Hey, you've have more of these for Susan right?
Carol Willick: No. But it's okay, I'll just put out pickles or something.
Phoebe Buffay: Ross, thank God.
Ross Geller: Pheebs? What, why are you whispering?
Phoebe Buffay: I ate a bug.
Monica Geller: Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Let's stock up.
Phoebe Buffay: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we don't know where we are, so we can't get a tow truck.
Ross Geller: Oh, now you want a favour?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes, please.
Ross Geller: Well, oh, I'm sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but I'm a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?
Carol Willick: Phoebe, hang on a second. Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.
Ross Geller: No, I'm not gonna pick them up.
Carol Willick: Listen, we both know you're gonna do it 'cause you're not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.
Ross Geller: No, Rachel doesn't want me to...
Carol Willick: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you 'cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but don't punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Ross Geller: Yeah, you're right.
Carol Willick: Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. What? You slept with someone else?!
Ross Geller: We were on a break!!! Okay!! We were, we were..., yeah. Where are you? I'll find you.
Carol Willick: You slept with another woman?
Ross Geller: Oh, you-you're-you're one to talk.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, done.
Monica Geller: What's 'pleh'?
Joey Tribbiani: That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica Geller: Huh. What's doofus spelled backwards?
Rachel Green: Op, op, car! Car!! Ugh!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's Ross on one of his drives!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi!
Rachel Green: What is he doing here?!
Ross Geller: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course I'm stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, I've got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
Everyone: No! Come on!
Rachel Green: All right!! Fine! Fine.
Joey Tribbiani: Arrrghh!!
Chandler Bing: Oh no, now it's not gonna make any sense!
Phoebe Buffay: You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and we're then gonna go skiing?
Chandler Bing: Oh, this is horrible, it's just horrible.
Joey Tribbiani: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?
Monica Geller: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?
Rachel Green: Ask me what?
Monica Geller: Umm, if ah, it might be okay if Ross came skiing?
Rachel Green: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.
Ross Geller: Excuse me?
Chandler Bing: It's horrible.
Ross Geller: Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
Rachel Green: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.
Ross Geller: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills.
Monica Geller: Here we go again.
Joey Tribbiani: I-I can't handle this, you guys.
Chandler Bing: Y'know what, I can handle it, handle's my middle name. Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.
Ross Geller: All right Pheebs, your cab's ready.
Rachel Green: All right, let's go!
Ross Geller: You're welcome.
Rachel Green: Oh, I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?
Ross Geller: We were on a break!
Rachel Green: Y'know Ross why don't you put that on your answering machine!
Ross Geller: Hey-hey, it's valid okay? And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: I don't know.
Ross Geller: That's what you said last night.
Monica Geller: What I said was, was that I understood. Joey's the one who agreed with you!
Ross Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Really Joey?
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what, but there is, there is no right or wrong, here.
Rachel Green: No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
Ross Geller: Obviously not to Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Ross Geller: Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Chandler Bing: Guys, guys, guess who I am?!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! Look what you're doing to Chandler!! Yeah, look, we know this is really, really hard for you guys. Okay? You don't, all right you don't have to love each other, okay? You don't, you don't even have to like each other much right now. But please, you have to figure out a way to be around each other.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, otherwise, I mean that's, that's, that's just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? Can you be civil?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Ross Geller: I can.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Good, all right, let's get back in the car, 'cause it's freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh what, wait, wait a second, I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with who?
Ross Geller: Look, you guys, you guys should go. No, I'm, you, you planned this all out, and I don't want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on man, you drove all the way up here.
Ross Geller: No, no, really, I've got to take the car back anyway, I'm spending all day tomorrow with Ben, It's fine, no guilt I promise.
Rachel Green: Thank you.
Monica Geller: All right, we'll call you when we get back.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Or, or the rodeo!!
Ross Geller: That would be great.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay!
Chandler Bing: I was being Shelly Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.
Ross Geller: I know!
Phoebe Buffay: Bye!!!
Carol Willick: Ugh. Ross!
Ross Geller: Hi! Sorry I'm late. Were you sleeping?
Carol Willick: Ahh, nooo!!
Ross Geller: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, 'cause that's not where you want to skimp.
Carol Willick: You're a genius, Ross.
Ross Geller: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Carol Willick: Okay, I'll pay you tomorrow.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Carol Willick: Okay, bye!!
Ross Geller: So they ah, they all took off, it was pretty hard watching them go, y'know?
Carol Willick: Yeah, okay, bye.
Ross Geller: So I'm gonna take off then!


Monica Geller: What's so funny?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh.
Monica Geller: Oh.
Joey Tribbiani: What-what's so funny?
Gunther: Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here.
Chandler Bing: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.
Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit.
Chandler Bing: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one.
Chandler Bing: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever.
Rachel Green: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit.
Chandler Bing: Oh. Nope, that patch is no good.
Rachel Green: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since.
Ross Geller: Pffhah.
Rachel Green: What's your problem?
Ross Geller: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel Green: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.
Ross Geller: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.
Rachel Green: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe Buffay: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Chandler Bing: Or what my Father called Thursday night.
Ross Geller: Here you go.
Rachel Green: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this.
Ross Geller: Sorry.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Frank! Hi!
Frank Buffay Jr.: How are you?
Phoebe Buffay: What are you doing here?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Phoebe Buffay: What happened?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.
Phoebe Buffay: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married.
Phoebe Buffay: Your getting married?!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, yeah!
Everyone: Wow!
Phoebe Buffay: My little brother's getting married!!
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her?
Phoebe Buffay: Do I?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Do you?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I do, yeah.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fiance man!
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, isn't it fantastic?
Monica Geller: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married?
Phoebe Buffay: What, he's 18.
Ross Geller: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
Chandler Bing: Always illegal Joe.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fiance, Mrs. Knight.
Alice Knight: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm a big surprise.
Monica Geller: So, um, how-how did you guys meet?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.
Alice Knight: And he was my best student.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, she was my best teacher.
Alice Knight: Ohhh.
Chandler Bing: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?
Ross Geller: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Alice Knight: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away.
Rachel Green: Oh my God!! Great!
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that?
Frank Buffay Jr.: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right?
Alice Knight: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't.
Alice Knight: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
Monica Geller: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game.
Rachel Green: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Monica Geller: Pete, can I get you something else?
Peter Becker: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out.
Monica Geller: Haven't you and I covered that topic?
Peter Becker: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you...
Monica Geller: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Peter Becker: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you?
Rachel Green: Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Monica Geller: I mean really, think about it.
Peter Becker: Ho-ho, I will.
Phoebe Buffay: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong!
Ross Geller: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Phoebe Buffay: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!
Joey Tribbiani: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Phoebe Buffay: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, have-have you told him how you feel?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes. Not out loud.
Ross Geller: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it.
Phoebe Buffay: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank.
Joey Tribbiani: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, "Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes," remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, "Nah, let's just hang out at your place." Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
Rachel Green: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.
Monica Geller: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.
Rachel Green: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker Texas Ranger?
Monica Geller: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids... All right, I get your point.
Rachel Green: All right.
Chandler Bing: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hey.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Monica Geller: Uh, yeah.
Rachel Green: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?
Chandler Bing: Y'know what, pretty good.
Rachel Green: Yeah?
Chandler Bing: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse.
Rachel Green: Thank you.
Monica Geller: Here you go.
Chandler Bing: Thanks
Rachel Green: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable.
Chandler Bing: What check thing?
Monica Geller: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him.
Chandler Bing: Pete Becker. Pete... Is this him?
Monica Geller: That's Bill Clinton.
Chandler Bing: Who's he huggin'?
Monica Geller: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete?
Chandler Bing: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Rachel Green: We use it!!
Chandler Bing: There you go!!
Rachel Green: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire.
Monica Geller: I'm not gonna go out with him.
Rachel Green: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting.
Monica Geller: Or incredibly offensive.
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, sure, that too.
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank Buffay Jr.: What, you don't think I know that?
Joey Tribbiani: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had sex with yet!
Ross Geller: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Okay, but isn't sex better when it's with one person that you really, really care about.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, in a poem maybe.
Ross Geller: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel.
Frank Buffay Jr.: You don't have it anymore?
Ross Geller: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?
Ross Geller: It didn't.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice.
Joey Tribbiani: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Frank Buffay Jr.: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Why can't I find that?
Ross Geller: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I want it!
Frank Buffay Jr.: You can have it!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Ross Geller: Oh, no! No!
Frank Buffay Jr.: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!!
Joey Tribbiani: Then you hold on to it!!
Frank Buffay Jr.: All right, man!!
Joey Tribbiani: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard!
Phoebe Buffay: You're Frank's best man?!
Joey Tribbiani: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure.
Phoebe Buffay: Well then, what about you?! Huh?!
Ross Geller: I'm the ring bearer.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency.
Alice Knight: Oh my God, who died on this?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?
Alice Knight: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to...
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined.
Alice Knight: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Phoebe Buffay: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.
Peter Becker: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.
Everyone: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.
Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here.
Peter Becker: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. Hi.
Monica Geller: What the hell is this?
Peter Becker: Hang on a second. I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. I'm sorry what?
Monica Geller: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?
Peter Becker: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip.
Monica Geller: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Employee: Umm, I'm still here.
Peter Becker: You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us.
Monica Geller: What?!
Peter Becker: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights.
Monica Geller: Okay, umm, you're a loon.
Peter Becker: Look, forget the check, okay. I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say?
Monica Geller: I don't know.
Peter Becker: Why not?
Monica Geller: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour.
Peter Becker: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi. Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive.
Phoebe Buffay: What umm, what happened?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best?
Frank Buffay Jr.: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, sweetie, oh.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why!
Phoebe Buffay: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?
Frank Buffay Jr.: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, but.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go...
Rachel Green: Oh my God! The millionaire's here!
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Monica Geller: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?
Chandler Bing: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything.
Monica Geller: I know!!
Chandler Bing: Okay, then get the lobster!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Peter Becker: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?
Monica Geller: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. Bye.
Everyone: Oh-no-no-no-no...
Rachel Green: Just one drink?!
Monica Geller: So, where do you want to go?
Peter Becker: Hey, you like pizza?
Monica Geller: Oh, that's sounds great.
Peter Becker: I know a great little place.
Peter Becker: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza!
Monica Geller: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Peter Becker: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that.
Monica Geller: Why, how much is that?
Peter Becker: That's about 60 cents.
Joey Tribbiani: Every night!!
Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can.
Alice Knight: Hi Frank.
Frank Buffay Jr.: Hi, Mrs. Knight.
Alice Knight: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. Is that it, is that what it is?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but not just that.
Alice Knight: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less...
Phoebe Buffay: None the less.
Alice Knight: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want.
Phoebe Buffay: That's right, exactly. All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. Bye-bye. Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? Okay, all right, good. .
Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.
Joey Tribbiani: Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.


Gunther: Here you go.
Rachel Green: Thank you.
Gunther: Say Rachel, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe you'd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Mark Robinson: Hi!
Rachel Green: Hi! All right, let's go shoppin'!!
Mark Robinson: Um, y'know, before we go ah, there's something I need to say.
Rachel Green: Oh, okay.
Mark Robinson: I've kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. But since you were with Ross, I-I didn't do anything about it. But, now that you're not, I'd really like to ask you out sometime. So-so that's-that's what I'm doing, now.
Rachel Green: Wow! Umm...
Gunther: I dropped a cup.
Peter Becker: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you could be like-like, 'Wash my car.' 'Clean my room.' It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand what you're saying.
Monica Geller: Oh, this is so great.
Peter Becker: Yeah, it was.
Monica Geller: All right then. Bye.
Monica Geller: Hello, people who do not live here.
Everyone: Hi! Hello!
Monica Geller: I gave you a key for emergencies!
Phoebe Buffay: We were out of Doritos.
Ross Geller: Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler Bing: Mr. Millionaire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately.
Monica Geller: He's great! I mean we have such a good time together! He's so funny, and sooo sweet, and I'm not attracted to him at all!!
Ross Geller: Still?!
Monica Geller: Noo!! It's driving me crazy. I mean every other way he's like the perfect guy, he has everything. Plus! He actually has everything.
Chandler Bing: Life-sized Imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Monica Geller: Two.
Chandler Bing: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie!
Ross Geller: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
The Director: Joe. How's it going?
Joey Tribbiani: Good. Hey.
Kate Miller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh?
Kate Miller: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, no. Ah, I playing your husband, Victor. I'm Joey Tribianni.
Kate Miller: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
Joey Tribbiani: So the ah, play's pretty great, huh?
Kate Miller: Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Van Murray's work. She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing the psyche of the American middle class.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Kate Miller: Where do I know you from?
Joey Tribbiani: Dr. Drake Remoray. Days of Our Lives. Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen Beat.
Kate Miller: No, that's not it. So, you're a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious actor.
Kate Miller: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're-you're-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!!
Joey Tribbiani: See, I actually can pour milk, but I got you believing that I couldn't. Now, see, that's acting.
Kate Miller: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, that was real.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
Rachel Green: I know.
Phoebe Buffay: What, so what are you gonna tell him?
Rachel Green: Well, I told him I would think about it, but I'm gonna tell him no.
Phoebe Buffay: Huh.
Rachel Green: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now. Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming, cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do, and I felt guilty. Y'know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet and you have issues with your father.
Rachel Green: I don't have any issues with my Father.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing then.
Joey Tribbiani: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I can't do it, they're all like-like laughing at me.
Ross Geller: Hello.
Ross Geller: So Rachel called. Wants to see me. Going over in a minute.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow, what-what do you think she wants?
Ross Geller: Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted and she realises that life without me... a-sucks.
Chandler Bing: It's possible. You are very loveable, I'd miss you if I broke up with you. I was just trying to be supportive.
Ross Geller: Then be supportive like a guy.
Chandler Bing: If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Rachel Green: Hi!
Ross Geller: You ah, wanted to see me?
Rachel Green: Yeah. Ahh, here's a box of your stuff.
Ross Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: Oh, y'know, it's just like hats, and a shirt, and CD's, just sort of stuff that you've left here.
Ross Geller: What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me? Or something?
Rachel Green: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know it's time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean don't' you think?
Ross Geller: Yes.
Rachel Green: Yeah?
Ross Geller: Yes, I do.
Rachel Green: Good.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I-I really do. Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Rachel Green: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
Ross Geller: It's still a gift! I got it from the gift shop!
Rachel Green: Okay, all right, give me the mug! I'll keep the mug.
Ross Geller: No!! Y'know-y'know don't do me any favours. In fact, where, where's the rest of my stuff?! Huh? Like-like my umm, Hey, this book is mine!! And-and-and, and that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that back too. Yes, I do.
Rachel Green: You know how much I love that T-shirt! You never even where that T-shirt!
Ross Geller: I'm just trying to help you, move on.
Rachel Green: Oh, you are a petty man. You are a petty, petty...
Ross Geller: Petty...
Rachel Green: Petty...
Ross Geller: Petty...
Rachel Green: Petty...
Ross Geller: Petty...
Rachel Green: Small...
Ross Geller: Small...
Rachel Green: You are so just doing this out of spite.
Ross Geller: Awwwahuh, no, no, no!!
Rachel Green: Huh?
Ross Geller: I'm-I'm gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!!
Rachel Green: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesn't even fit you anymore!
Ross Geller: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah...
Rachel Green: yeah-yeah-yeah!!
Ross Geller: Oh-oh, okay, okay! If you don't mind I'm gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. You have a pleasant evening.
Phoebe Buffay: So, you're like a zillionaire?
Chandler Bing: And you're our age. You're our age.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Peter Becker: What like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Chandler Bing: That's not a state Joe.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Peter Becker: I got to go, so ah, I'll see you guys later.
Everyone: Okay.
Chandler Bing: You're our age!
Peter Becker: So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica Geller: Absolutely! Now get out of here you!! Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future? Either they're too old, or they're too young, and then there's Pete who's-who's crazy about me, and who's absolutely perfect for me, and there's like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like something's wrong with me?!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, kinda.
Kate Miller: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and nothin'. You look at me, and it's nothin'. Nothing.
The Director: Tasty! I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history, it's-it's nice.
Kate Miller: I have a question about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good looking.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of reason than that.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, it's says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It doesn't say that in the script.
Joey Tribbiani: It does in mine!
Chandler Bing: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter, I still wind up with this little cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. It's so annoying. Does it bug you?
Ross Geller: You bug me.
Chandler Bing: Is there any chance you didn't see that?
Chandler Bing: Ross! You gotta stop! Okay?! You can't just stare through the peep hole for three hours! You're gonna get peep eye!
Ross Geller: I knew it! I knew it! I always knew she liked him! Y'know, she'd say no, but here we are! Right? We just broke up, first thing she does!
Chandler Bing: You didn't just break up.
Ross Geller: Hey, it's been like three weeks!
Chandler Bing: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!
Ross Geller: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself, I swear. I can't, I can't watch this. Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, she's going in.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Ross Geller: She's going in. Wait! He's going in! He's going in!! The door's closed! I, I can't see anything but the door closed!!
Chandler Bing: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Ross Geller: Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have, I have to stop it!
Chandler Bing: Stop what?!
Ross Geller: I don't know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. I'll go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
Chandler Bing: No!! You can't!!
Ross Geller: Look, they must be stopped!
Chandler Bing: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! You are surprisingly strong!
Ross Geller: I need juice! People need juice!!
Chandler Bing: Look man!
Ross Geller: People need juice!
Chandler Bing: Listen to me!!
Ross Geller: Juice, I need...
Chandler Bing: She's moving on! Okay, if it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over! Okay, man? It's over.
Ross Geller: Yeah, okay.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Ross Geller: It's just I miss her so much.
Chandler Bing: I know.
Mark Robinson: Why do all you're coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?
Rachel Green: Oh. That's so Monica can keep track. That way if one on them is missing, she can be like, 'Where's number 27?!'
Rachel Green: Y'know what?
Mark Robinson: No. And I don't think I'm gonna want to.
Rachel Green: I can't do this.
Mark Robinson: Yep. Yep, that's what I didn't want to know.
Rachel Green: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark Robinson: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel Green: Oh God. I'm sorry about this.
Mark Robinson: That's okay.
Rachel Green: You sure?
Mark Robinson: Yeah. I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Peter Becker: Hey, can I ask you something?
Monica Geller: Sure.
Peter Becker: Where are we?
Monica Geller: Well, with all these doctors and nurses, I'm gonna say, midget rodeo.
Peter Becker: Just tell me the truth.
Monica Geller: Okay. Umm, y'know, I don't think, I don't think I told you this, but umm, I just got out of a really serious relationship.
Peter Becker: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that like a year ago?
Monica Geller: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isn't the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now I'm just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Peter Becker: Oh, yeah. I know that.
Monica Geller: I so wanna be attracted to you.
Peter Becker: But you're not. Okay, good.
Monica Geller: I'm sorry.
Peter Becker: Y'know what, don't be. This is not, don't be, 'cause it's not so bad.
Monica Geller: It's not?
Peter Becker: I know I'm no John Bon Jovi, or someone who find attractive, I'm just, I think, y'know, that you might end up feeling differently.
Monica Geller: Well, um, look I-I don't want this to come our wrong, but ah, you seem awfully confident for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted too.
Peter Becker: Yeah, stupidly charming isn't' it? Well listen let's, you wanna get something to eat? 'Cause this place is kinda depressing.
Spokeswoman: And the man who made all this possible... Mr. Peter Becker.
Peter Becker: One second.
Chandler Bing: I don't think this town is big enough for both of us to relax in. Draw!!
Chandler Bing: I wasn't doing anything. Uh-oh, what did she do now?
Joey Tribbiani: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler Bing: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey Tribbiani: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her!! With her, 'Oh, I'm so talented.' and 'Oh, I'm so pretty,' and 'Ooh, I smell so good.'
Chandler Bing: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Chandler Bing: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Ohh. Ohh, you're out of your mind.
Chandler Bing: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard you'd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah?! Then how come I keep thinking about her in all these sexual scenarios and stuff huh?!
Kate Miller: Happy?! Is that what I'm supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out! I talk to you and it's nothin'. You look at me, and nothin'. Nothing.
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, we're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
Kate Miller: Well, that was ah...
Joey Tribbiani: Better?
Kate Miller: Yeah! Yeah, it was definitely an improvement. G'night.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, Kate?
Kate Miller: Yeah?
Joey Tribbiani: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Kate Miller: I'm probably gonna need those. Huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, listen you ah...
Kate Miller: Hmm?
Joey Tribbiani: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
Kate Miller: Umm.
The Director: Kate?
Kate Miller: Yep.
The Director: You ready to go?
Kate Miller: Yeah.
The Director: Very nice. Very nice.
Kate Miller: So umm, I'll see you tomorrow, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah sure, goodnight.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey! Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman...
Chandler Bing: 'Cause it's-it's not his last name.
Phoebe Buffay: It isn't?
Chandler Bing: No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider, man. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold Man.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey, Rach, how was work?
Rachel Green: Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair.
Monica Geller: By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Rachel Green: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and...
Monica Geller: Something wrong?
Rachel Green: No. Nothing.
Chandler Bing: So, ahh, what kind of powers would Gold Man have?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay well, he would turn things to gold.
Chandler Bing: What about things that are already gold?
Phoebe Buffay: Ahh, his work is done.
Chandler Bing: Okay, let's play my game now.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!!


Chandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait. You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! Oh my God! Is this what it's like to be you?
Monica Geller: Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, you have no idea. And-and when we're on stage I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and it's like somebody's ripping out my heart!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Everyone: Hey!
Ross Geller: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
Monica Geller: Yes!! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ross Geller: We were all pretty shaken up about it.
Phoebe Buffay: Wait, am I missing something though? 'Cause I thought death was something that's supposed to be sad, in a way.
Ross Geller: Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person.
Monica Geller: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! And I'm sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
Ross Geller: You get the dollhouse.
Monica Geller: I get the dollhouse!
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?
Phoebe Buffay: No, just a barrel.
Monica Geller: Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse.
Phoebe Buffay: Really?! Really?!
Monica Geller: Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.
Chandler Bing: My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
Rachel Green: Hey, Sophie!
Sophie: Hey, Rach!
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Sophie: Hey.
Rachel Green: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up here.
Chandler Bing: Oh, that's-that's okay, no problem.
Rachel Green: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don't keep the women's lingerie here in the office?
Chandler Bing: Yes, I realise that.
Rachel Green: Summer catalogue!
Chandler Bing: That's the stuff!
Joanna: Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice. Hello! You don't work for me.
Rachel Green: Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing Joanna.
Joanna: Bing! That's a great name.
Chandler Bing: Thanks, it's ah, Gaelic, for 'Thy turkey's done.' So ah, I'm gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Joanna: Me too.
Rachel Green: Bye, Chandler.
Joanna: So ah, what's wrong with him?
Rachel Green: Oh, nothing, he's just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore.
Joanna: Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?
Rachel Green: No!! No! He's not married, or involved, with anyone!
Joanna: Oh, Rachel, actually, y'know what, forget it.
Rachel Green: Well, I'll ask him for you, if you want me too?
Joanna: Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something that Sophie would do?
Sophie: Uh, uh, uh, I am here.
Joanna: I know that.
Monica Geller: Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpaper's a little faded, that's okay. Carpet's a little loose. Hardwood floors!!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hello.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It's so beautiful.
Monica Geller: I know!!!
Phoebe Buffay: So, I'm here, ready to play.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Phoebe Buffay: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha.
Monica Geller: What's this?
Phoebe Buffay: That's a dog, every house should have a dog.
Monica Geller: Not one that can pee on the roof.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.
Chandler Bing: And is this in case the house sneezes?
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, that's the ghost for the attic.
Monica Geller: I don't want a ghost.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Ross Geller: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, obviously you don't know much about the U.S. government.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Everyone: Hello.
Rachel Green: I need to talk to you!
Ross Geller: Sure, what's up?
Rachel Green: Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Ross Geller: I-I know. Well if something comes up...
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
Rachel Green: Okay, my boss, Joanna, when you left, she started asking questions about you...
Chandler Bing: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan man!
Rachel Green: That was surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you interested at all?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do it.
Rachel Green: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, she's gonna love me.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the house!! Ahh-ahh! Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!
Monica Geller: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that's it, that's it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian, and they just don't go.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, fine. Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination.
Ross Geller: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they don't go, rrroof!
Phoebe Buffay: The little ones do.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Kate!
Kate Miller: Morning.
Joey Tribbiani: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week...
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute!
Joey Tribbiani: And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah...
Woman: Hi, oh, I'm Lauren, Kate's understudy.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.
Lauren: I know! I-I'm a big fan of yours.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
Joey Tribbiani: Get out of here, really?!
Lauren: Absolutely!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah?
Lauren: Oh but then, they went and dropped you down that elevator shaft.
Joey Tribbiani: They gave me the shaft all right.
Lauren: Oh, you're so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?
Joey Tribbiani: Well Ahh, yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Lauren: Cool! I-I'll see you then.
Joey Tribbiani: All right.
The Director: All right, it's time to act, my talking props.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Everyone: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!
Rachel Green: Wow!!
Phoebe Buffay: Look, look!
Ross Geller: Hey, what's this?!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay, it's the slide instead of stairs. Watch this.
Monica Geller: It's very interesting, Phoebe.
Rachel Green: What's this?
Phoebe Buffay: The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.
Ross Geller: This is the coolest house ever!!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, does anybody want to join me in the aroma room?
Rachel Green: All right!
Ross Geller: I would!
Monica Geller: Hey, guys, guys, did you see my new, china cabinet?!
Phoebe Buffay: Watch, watch.
Phoebe Buffay: And, and!
Chandler Bing: Hey, my Father's house does that!
Rachel Green: O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Chandler Bing: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and there's nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Rachel Green: Hmm.
Chandler Bing: Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull dud!
Joanna: Chandler is fantastic!!
Rachel Green: What?!
Joanna: Oh God, we just clicked! Y'know how people just click? Like he came by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you?
Rachel Green: Oh, I...
Joanna: Oh, and he's got such a good heart! Doesn't he have a good heart?
Rachel Green: Oh, I know...
Joanna: Oh, I know and he's soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to call, so put him straight through.
Sophie: Isn't this great?!
Joanna: Don't spoil it.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?
The Director: Hello. Oh! It's you. Just ah, just one-one sec. I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, committing to the moment!
Joey Tribbiani: That guy's like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?
Kate Miller: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater! It's what's underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who I'm going out with?
Kate Miller: I don't care. Why, do you want me to care?
Joey Tribbiani: Do you want me to want you to care?
Kate Miller: Do you?
Joey Tribbiani: What?
The Director: Okay, I'm afraid to say this, but let's pick it up where we left off.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on baby, don't go. Please? What do you say?
Kate Miller: I've got no reason to stay.
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! I'll see you in the morning.
Kate Miller: I can't believe we go on in, in a week.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, it's gonna be all right.
Lauren: Hey! So since we're getting off early, do you want to go and paint mugs?
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Lauren: You know! At the place I told you about last night?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.
Lauren: Oh, okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Lauren: I'll see you tomorrow.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Lauren: G'night.
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, are you okay?
Kate Miller: Yeah, I guess. Look, what are we gonna do about this scene, huh?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Kate Miller: Well umm, maybe if it had more heat.
Joey Tribbiani: How do you mean?
Kate Miller: Well, Adrian's looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor can't just kiss her, he's gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know?
Joey Tribbiani: Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Kate Miller: Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist.
Kate Miller: And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his stomach!
Joey Tribbiani: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!
Kate Miller: And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this raw, animal...
Joey Tribbiani: Something like that?
Kate Miller: Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Ross Geller: It's a little early to be drinkin'.
Joey Tribbiani: No-no, things ah, finally happened with Kate.
Ross Geller: Ohhhhh!
Monica Geller: You're kidding?! That's great!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, it was so amazing. After the love making...
Monica Geller: Oh my.
Joey Tribbiani: Yep. I just, I just watched her sleep for like hours, just breathing in and breathing out. And then I knew she was dreaming 'cause, 'cause her eyes keep going like this.
Chandler Bing: I'm telling ya, Joanna's got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, 'This was fun. Let's do it again sometime. I'll give you a call.'
Rachel Green: Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks you're going to call her?
Chandler Bing: That's what you say at the end of a date.
Rachel Green: You can't just say, 'Nice to meet you, good night?'
Chandler Bing: To her face? Look it's the end of the date, I'm standing there, I know all she's waiting for is for me to say 'I'll call her' and it's just y'know, comes out. I can't help it, it's a compulsion.
Monica Geller: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?
Rachel Green: Well, they always called.
Monica Geller: Hmm, bite me.
Joanna: Did he call?
Rachel Green: No. Sorry.
Joanna: Why?! Why?! He said he'd call. Why hasn't he called?
Sophie: Maybe he's intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.
Joanna: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why?
Rachel Green: Okay, okay. Umm, well ah, maybe he, maybe he feels awkward because you are my boss.
Joanna: Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
Rachel Green: Well...
Joanna: The only person that should feel awkward is you, and you didn't tell him not to call me, did you?
Rachel Green: No. I...
Joanna: Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you work for, there are always ways to fix...that.
Rachel Green: Call her! Call her now!
Chandler Bing: Multiple, so many paper cuts.
Rachel Green: Why hasn't he called Rachel? Why? Why? I don't understand. Why? He said he'll call. Why? Why? Chandler I'm telling you she has flipped out, she's gone crazy!
Chandler Bing: Oh, well give me the phone then.
Rachel Green: Come on, this isn't funny. She thinks it's my fault that you haven't called her. You have to call her!
Chandler Bing: Look, you can't call somebody after this long just to say, 'In case you didn't notice, I don't like you!'
Rachel Green: Well then you're going to have to take her out again.
Chandler Bing: Nooo!! She's really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop thing in the corner of her eye!
Rachel Green: I don't care! I don't care! You are going to have to take her out again and end it, and end it in way that she knows it's actually ended. And, I don't care how hard it is for you, do not tell her that you will call her again!
Chandler Bing: All right! Fine! But it's just a lunch date, no more than an hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I don't want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
Rachel Green: That's fine!
Chandler Bing: That's just a lot of big talk, y'know.
Rachel Green: I know.
Ross Geller: Mon?
Monica Geller: I'm in the shower!
Ross Geller: Oh, fire! There, there's a fire! Fire!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Kate Miller: Hi.
Joey Tribbiani: So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you ah, did you talk to Marshall?
Kate Miller: About what?
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know, about what happened with us.
Kate Miller: Nooo. And there's really no reason he should find out, so ah let's not make a big deal about it, okay?
Joey Tribbiani: What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you can't tell me last night didn't mean something to you. I-I was there, you're not that good an actress.
Kate Miller: Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. That's all it was. Joey, I'm-I'm sorry you feel bad, but haven't you ever sleep with a women where it meant more to her than it did to you?
Joey Tribbiani: Nooo.
Lauren: Hi, Kate!
Kate Miller: Hi, Lauren.
Joey Tribbiani: Hi, Lauren.
Lauren: Hi, pig!
Ross Geller: Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.
Monica Geller: Oh, that's okay. By the way, I was just checking the shower massager.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: I tried to reach you at work. There's...been a fire.
Phoebe Buffay: What?! Oh my... Oh my God!! What happened?!
Ross Geller: Well, we believe it originated here. In the Aroma Room.
Phoebe Buffay: All right. Did everyone get out okay?
Monica Geller: Well, the giraffe's okay. And so is the pirate.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh. What is this?
Ross Geller: No Phoebe, don't look! You don't want to see what's under there!!
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, the-the Foster puppets!
Chandler Bing: It's not a big deal. It's, just it's right here, and it's all the time.
Joanna: Well, thanks again for lunch.
Chandler Bing: Yes, this, this was pleasant.
Joanna: It was, wasn't it?
Chandler Bing: The food there was, was great.
Joanna: Wasn't it?
Chandler Bing: So take care.
Joanna: You too.
Chandler Bing: Well, this was great. I'll give you a call. We should do it again sometime.
Joanna: Great! I'm looking forward to it. Rachel, any messages?
Rachel Green: Sophie's desk.
Rachel Green: Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!
Chandler Bing: Noo!
Rachel Green: Chandler!!
Chandler Bing: Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm weak, and pathetic, and sorry.
Rachel Green: Okay, you are going to tell her and you're going to tell her now.
Chandler Bing: Ahhhh-I'm not going to call you.
Joanna: What?
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that I said I was going to when I'm not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, mascara goop. And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not, this isn't going to work out.
Joanna: Well, this isn't how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, o-okay.
Joanna: So...
Chandler Bing: Well this is great! I'll give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
Joey Tribbiani: Well, so anyway Beth, what I'm saying is I should've considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. I've ah, I've recently learned what's it like to be on your side of it, and I'm sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. Hello, Jennifer? Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? Oh, she's not home huh? Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.