Monica Geller: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
Ross Geller: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? But SURPRISE!
Chandler Bing: I missed most of the party Charlie's a girl, right?
Ross Geller: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Rachel Green: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Ross Geller: Why do you care so much?
Monica Geller: Yes Rachel, why do you care so much?
Rachel Green: Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross Geller: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Phoebe Buffay: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Rachel Green: All right, so... Ross, you're ok with all this? I mean...
Ross Geller: Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it...
Ross Geller: Oh, God. I forgot how hot she was!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Everyone: Hi!
Ross Geller: I'm gonna get some more coffee.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you know what? I'll come with you!
Ross Geller: Ok.
Chandler Bing: So, a professor, uh?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! She is cool, and she's so smart! Her mind is totally acrimonious . That's not how she used it...?
Charlie Wheeler: I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
Ross Geller: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
Charlie Wheeler: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Ross Geller: Yeah, I know the type.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close? Opening credits.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey you guys! Look what I just got.
Rachel Green: Oh, OH! Wow, I love those! Where did you get them?
Phoebe Buffay: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Rachel Green: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh... then I overpaid.
Monica Geller: Hey, what's this?
Rachel Green: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Monica Geller: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.
Rachel Green: Ah, why, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of! I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting...
Monica Geller: Do you wanna go hunting?
Rachel Green: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Phoebe Buffay: What's up? Hey, Rachel!!
Rachel Green: Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these "big massage places"! They're putting people like me out of business!
Monica Geller: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Rachel Green: I don't care about any of that!!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, do you care about friendship?
Rachel Green: Oh!
Phoebe Buffay: I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
Rachel Green: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! Fine, I won't use it!
Phoebe Buffay: Promise?
Rachel Green: I promise.
Phoebe Buffay: Thank you.
Rachel Green: But I am going hunting!!
Monica Geller: Hey honey! I missed you today!
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah?
Monica Geller: Yeah. What d'you wanna do tonight?
Chandler Bing: Oh, well... Maybe we could...
Monica Geller: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Chandler Bing: We really need to take those tests?
Monica Geller: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.
Chandler Bing: But I don't wanna do it in a cup!
Monica Geller: What is the big deal?
Chandler Bing: It's weird! In a doctor's office?
Monica Geller: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler Bing: I cannot believe Ross told you that! And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Monica Geller: Look, I don't wanna do this test either, but I really do think it's a good idea!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Monica Geller: OH!
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah! RACHEL TALKS TOO!
Joey Tribbiani: Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
Joey Tribbiani: Heeey!
Charlie Wheeler: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on in, how are ya?
Charlie Wheeler: I'm good!
Joey Tribbiani: Can I offer you a drink?
Charlie Wheeler: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Joey Tribbiani: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go ohhhh!
Charlie Wheeler: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, if you need a tour guide...
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you mean it? That would be so fun!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, definitely, definitely. Ok, what do you wanna see first?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok!
Charlie Wheeler: And there is a collection of Walt Whitman letters on display at the public library.
Joey Tribbiani: I know, yeah!
Charlie Wheeler: And first, I have to see the MET!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Charlie Wheeler: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!
Joey Tribbiani: Which one, they all suck!
Charlie Wheeler: The museum!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't think so.
Rachel Green: Hi there!
Receptionist: Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?
Rachel Green: Oh, hi. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate.
Receptionist: This has been torn up.
Rachel Green: And... taped back together.
Receptionist: Ok well, I'll call you as soon as your massage therapist is ready.
Rachel Green: Ok.
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
Rachel Green: through the glass doors.
Receptionist: Through the glass doors.
Rachel Green: Alright-y then.
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
Receptionist: Sorry, everyone is booked!
Phoebe Buffay: But that woman can't know I work here. She's a friend of mine and I made this big stink about how awful this massage chains are.
Receptionist: Then why you work here?
Phoebe Buffay: 'Cause it's good money! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine!
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, are they listening?
Joey Tribbiani: Ross!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Joey Tribbiani: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross Geller: Oh, do you, do you really?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I'm... I'm kind of having a little problem.
Ross Geller: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it!
Joey Tribbiani: No, look, you know Charlie, right? She's cool, she's funny, her body is soo...
Ross Geller: Get to the problem!
Joey Tribbiani: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Ross Geller: Are you wearing two belts?
Joey Tribbiani: EH, what do you know!
Ross Geller: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Joey Tribbiani: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!
Ross Geller: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.
Joey Tribbiani: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross Geller: Fine.
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks.
Ross Geller: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey Tribbiani: The Metsss!
Ross Geller: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, that's what she meant! You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Ross Geller: Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross Geller: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
Joey Tribbiani: Geez, sounds like you should be going on this date!
Ross Geller: But I'm not! . You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Ross Geller: Ok.
Joey Tribbiani: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.
Ross Geller: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right.
Chandler Bing: I have a weird feeling about this place. How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet.
Monica Geller: Because, honey, I mean this in the sweetest way possible, nobody is gonna wanna watch that.
Nurse: Mr. Bing? Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
Chandler Bing: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Monica Geller: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I guess!
Monica Geller: I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares! No one here even knows you!
Janice Litman Goralnik: OH MY GOD!!
Chandler Bing: Oh, Come on!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Ah ahahahhahaa! How great is this!
Monica Geller: Hey, we're probably fertile, let's go home!
Chandler Bing: Why are you here?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Well, Sid and I are trying again and we had trouble last time because apparently we...
Chandler Bing: No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! Oh! They gave you the kiddy size .
Chandler Bing: What!?
Monica Geller: This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to!
Chandler Bing: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... got a hot date...
Janice Litman Goralnik: Please... go! Just let me know if you need a hand!
Chandler Bing: I think it just fell off.
Phoebe Buffay: Hello "ja", it's time for your massage, ja! Put your face in the hole.
Rachel Green: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, then I'm Swedish...
Monica Geller: So, what's your name?
Phoebe Buffay: It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...
Rachel Green: Oh... what an interesting name.
Phoebe Buffay: Ja!
Rachel Green: You know I...
Phoebe Buffay: Time for your scalp massage!
Rachel Green: Wow... I really love your...
Phoebe Buffay: Is something wrong?
Rachel Green: No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe Buffay: Uhm... Stockholm.
Rachel Green: Damn! I wish I knew if that was right!
Joey Tribbiani: Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Ross Geller: Now, do you have any idea what you just said?
Joey Tribbiani: No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Ross Geller: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.
Joey Tribbiani: Phonetically?
Ross Geller: Yeah, yeah that means... you know? We just... we don't have time for this.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok.
Ross Geller: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Joey Tribbiani: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
Ross Geller: Wow. What does that mean?
Joey Tribbiani: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Ross Geller: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! .
Ross Geller: Nah ah! Nah ah! No no no! No ad-libbing and dude, you can't touch the paintings.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on! you...
Ross Geller: No!
Chandler Bing: My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! Janice! You're not... gone?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
Chandler Bing: Yeah! yeah... The hard part is over!
Janice Litman Goralnik: That's not the hard part honey! The hard part is what comes next, I mean aren't you worried about the results?
Chandler Bing: I haven't... I haven't even thought about the results yet... I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh! Well, you know what? It probably is.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler Bing: oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Janice Litman Goralnik: What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office?
Chandler Bing: It was a "Wendy's!! "
Phoebe Buffay: "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " And that is the Swedish National Anthem! Thank you for asking!
Rachel Green: Wow, Ikea... what a rich culture. Uhm, you know what? I have a friend who is a masseuse.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Ja! Ja!
Rachel Green: Yah! She's... uhm... not very good though...
Phoebe Buffay: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?
Rachel Green: I don't know... maybe it's because she has got such callousy fingers from playing crummy guitar...
Phoebe Buffay: Or... maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high maintenance tight ass!
Rachel Green: Phoebe!!
Phoebe Buffay: You know it's me?
Rachel Green: For like a half an hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Phoebe Buffay: How can you come here?
Rachel Green: How could you not tell me you worked here?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel Green: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Phoebe Buffay: Tips not included.
Rachel Green: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe Buffay: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe Buffay: You know what? You are right. I am gonna quit. It's time I took my life back!
Rachel Green: Good for you Pheebs!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.
Ross Geller: Haha! Got ya! Die, die, die!
Ross Geller: Respectfully, professor R. Geller. , closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!
Charlie Wheeler: Hi!
Ross Geller: Hey, how was the Met?
Charlie Wheeler: The museum was amazing!
Ross Geller: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh?
Charlie Wheeler: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross Geller: What do you mean?
Charlie Wheeler: Well, for one, he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around.
Ross Geller: Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
Charlie Wheeler: No, we went to the left.
Ross Geller: Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, it's fun .
Ross Geller: What?
Charlie Wheeler: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
Ross Geller: What, I mean, a little, but no, what, go on.
Charlie Wheeler: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Ross Geller: Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, I guess that's true.
Ross Geller: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Charlie Wheeler: He is very sweet. Plus he's hot!
Ross Geller: That was going to be my next argument.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Charlie Wheeler: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: You're ready?
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, let's go. Thanks Ross.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
Ross Geller: Glad I could help man.
Joey Tribbiani: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... I made it work.
Chandler Bing: It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler Bing: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? Oh. Well, so what does that mean? Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks.
Monica Geller: Hey sweetie.
Chandler Bing: Doctor Connelly just called.
Monica Geller: With good news? Of course it is not good news, you just said "Doctor Connelly just called". If it was good news you would have said "Doctor Connelly just called! " But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?
Chandler Bing: Actually it's both of us.
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica Geller: Oh... what does that mean?
Chandler Bing: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. It means...
Monica Geller: Chandler?
Chandler Bing: It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.
Monica Geller: Oh my God!
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry.
Monica Geller: I'm sorry too.
Chandler Bing: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.
Monica Geller: I know. Closing credits.
Receptionist: Good morning Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: Good morning receptionist.
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
Phoebe Buffay: Rachel Green? Son of a bitch, she came back?
Phoebe Buffay: Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassy.


Charlie Wheeler: Oh! That feels sooo good!
Rachel Green: Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live sex show!
Charlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, what?
Rachel Green: Oh... Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not... I was just-I was just reading to Emma.
Charlie Wheeler: From... Cosmo??
Rachel Green: Yeah, yeah... It's... "climax your way to better skin".
Charlie Wheeler: So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!
Joey Tribbiani: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.
Rachel Green: Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh hey Rach!
Rachel Green: Yeah...
Joey Tribbiani: Maybe you could take Charlie shopping.
Rachel Green: Oh, well...
Charlie Wheeler: I'm sure you have better things to do.
Joey Tribbiani: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Charlie Wheeler: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Rachel Green: Ok, uh-uh... Let's-Let's shop!!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... ... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, great! All right, bye! Pain in the ass!! That's off, right?
Joey Tribbiani: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!
Rachel Green: Which you're not, because you've totally hung up on him!
Phoebe Buffay: Exactly!
Rachel Green: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!
Phoebe Buffay: I didn't even think about that! Aaargh, sexual politics!!
Rachel Green: Hey Pheebs, I'm-I'm taking Charlie shopping, why don't you come and I'll help you find something.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, that'll be great!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.
Rachel Green: That's not what we're gonna do!
Joey Tribbiani: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'?
Chandler Bing: Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Monica Geller: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!
Chandler Bing: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Doctor Connelly: Hi there.
Chandler Bing: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Doctor Connelly: I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week but I wanted to talk to you about your options.
Monica Geller: Ok.
Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having sex on a regular basis.
Chandler Bing: Oh, DAMN IT!
Monica Geller: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Monica Geller: Ok.
Doctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you can always adopt.
Chandler Bing: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Rachel Green: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, yeah! Let's do it!
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, have a good time.
Rachel Green: Not gonna find any clothes in there!
Ross Geller: Hey, you guys!
Rachel Green: Hi.
Ross Geller: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?
Charlie Wheeler: Umh... Kurts Baley?
Ross Geller: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract Well, why are you laughing?
Joey Tribbiani: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Charlie Wheeler: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions?
Ross Geller: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Charlie Wheeler: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.
Ross Geller: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him.
Rachel Green: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya?
Ross Geller: Tsz... NO! .
Chandler Bing: Hey guys!
Ross Geller: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Chandler Bing: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick.
Ross Geller: It's in Barbados.
Chandler Bing: But you come first!
Rachel Green: I'm there!
Charlie Wheeler: We'll see you, guys!
Joey Tribbiani: Bye.
Rachel Green: Bye, see ya.
Chandler Bing: Ok.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?
Chandler Bing: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.
Ross Geller: So-so what did the doctor say?
Chandler Bing: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her.
Joey Tribbiani: So you're ruling out surrogacy?
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: So, I don't have to learn what that means?
Chandler Bing: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Joey Tribbiani: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs?
Chandler Bing: ah-ha!
Ross Geller: How do you feel about all this?
Chandler Bing: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Joey Tribbiani: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it!
Ross Geller: What?
Ross Geller: What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
Ross Geller: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
Professor Sherman: Mmm-mm.
Ross Geller: I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. So-so what I am saying is - is is that is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Ross Geller: Oh, that's not what you want...
Shop Assistant: Incentive For Men?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'll take some of that.
Rachel Green: Pheebs, that's for men!
Phoebe Buffay: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. . Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Charlie Wheeler: So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Rachel Green: On Melanie Griffith in "Working girl". I think what you want is over here.
Charlie Wheeler: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Rachel Green: Really?
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
Rachel Green: Oh, I can't. Because I-I've seen them.
Charlie Wheeler: You've seen all the movies...
Rachel Green: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
Rachel Green: Sure!
Phoebe Buffay: Ok!
Charlie Wheeler: Wha, you know, maybe we can do something else!
Rachel Green: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Phoebe Buffay: So what were you doing out there, do you not like Charlie?
Rachel Green: She's ok, I just don't get a really good vibe from her!
Phoebe Buffay: Why?
Rachel Green: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Phoebe Buffay: Who else?
Rachel Green: Anybody! You, me, you know, Monica's mom...
Phoebe Buffay: You like Joey?
Rachel Green: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!
Rachel Green: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
Phoebe Buffay: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him?
Rachel Green: Oh, I get it!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right.
Rachel Green: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Rachel Green: So can we keep this between us?
Phoebe Buffay: Sure!
Rachel Green: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
Monica Geller: Hi honey!
Chandler Bing: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Monica Geller: Oh, of course, it's so nice to see you again, Zack!
Zack: You too.
Chandler Bing: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Monica Geller: I got it.
Zack: Thanks.
Chandler Bing: So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Monica Geller: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler Bing: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Chandler Bing: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Monica Geller: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Chandler Bing: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Monica Geller: Chandler!
Chandler Bing: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Monica Geller: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Chandler Bing: Ok!
Monica Geller: Uh!
Chandler Bing: Zack!
Zack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring.
Monica Geller: Tell me about yourself, Zack!
Rachel Green: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me.
Rachel Green: Ok, great!
Rachel Green: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying!
Phoebe Buffay: I didn't say anything yet!
Rachel Green: Well, get back in there and talk!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
Rachel Green: What!?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.
Rachel Green: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! We have a problem.
Rachel Green: Oh! What are we gonna do?
Stranger: Just be honest with her.
Rachel Green: Oh my God!
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
Rachel Green: Alright! Enough out of you!
Joey Tribbiani: Hello?
Ross Geller: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Joey Tribbiani: No. no... eh... she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up?
Ross Geller: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker...
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! How's it going?
Ross Geller: It could be better! He, uhm... he fell asleep!
Joey Tribbiani: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda!
Ross Geller: Barbados.
Joey Tribbiani: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Ross Geller: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, just wake him up!
Ross Geller: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
Monica Geller: Hey guys! Dinner's ready!
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. Thanks!
Chandler Bing: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones!
Monica Geller: Ok, there's enthusiastic and there's just plain gay!!
Chandler Bing: You don't like him.
Monica Geller: I think he is fine! It's just that we don't know anything real about him... we should get more information.
Chandler Bing: Alright! Just follow my lead!
Zack: You guys have such a great place here.
Chandler Bing: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Zack: Uhm... no. Although I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis.
Chandler Bing: That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Zack: Okaaay... so eh... so tell me, how did you guys meet.
Monica Geller: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
Zack: No...
Monica Geller: Eh... Heart Disease, Alzheimers, gout?
Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh?
Monica Geller: We're just making conversation.
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Chandler Bing: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness.
Zack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else?
Zack: Ravioli's delicious!
Chandler Bing: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child?
Zack: No I didn't.
Monica Geller: Yess!!
Chandler Bing: We're teeth people Zack!
Rachel Green: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.
Phoebe Buffay: Good plan.
Rachel Green: Ok. Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"!
Rachel Green: Hey, hi! Hey, where've you been?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh! trying on clothes.
Rachel Green: Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie Wheeler: Rachel... I heard you guys whispering.
Rachel Green: Oh God. You did. You heard. Ok, listen, let me explain.
Charlie Wheeler: No! There's nothing to explain. I heard you. Phoebe likes Joey.
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Charlie Wheeler: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Rachel Green: Yeah! That's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all! It's like she's a nympho!
Charlie Wheeler: Wow!
Rachel Green: Yeah...
Charlie Wheeler: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Rachel Green: I try...
Ross Geller: Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you!
Professor Feesen: You're welcome.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! You look... ... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Phoebe Buffay: Are you sure? Because I'm really dreading going to this party.
Joey Tribbiani: Then don't go!
Phoebe Buffay: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
Phoebe Buffay: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Phoebe Buffay: David?
David: Phoebe! Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God!
David: Wow, you look unbelievable.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. What-what are you doing here?
David: Well, I'm back from Minsk... permanently.
Phoebe Buffay: What happened?
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
David: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that it can't be done.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, it's great that you're back! How are you?
David: Good, good, life is good...
Phoebe Buffay: Good!
David: Ah well, I-I'm seeing someone.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, good for you.
David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that".
Phoebe Buffay: Mike and I broke up.
David: You're kidding me. Because I'm not seeing anybody, I've just totally made that up.
Phoebe Buffay: Really?
David: Yeah, I don't know why, I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't want to lose face.
Phoebe Buffay: I understand. Yeah. Ok so then ok, so we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. That's so not like us!
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
Phoebe Buffay: Well... no.
David: Do you wanna get a drink?
Phoebe Buffay: I'd love to.
David: Great.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok.
David: Do you smell beets?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, got it, stay upwind of me.
Charlie Wheeler: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
Rachel Green: No, that's David.
Charlie Wheeler: There's a third guy?
Rachel Green: Tip of the iceberg.
Zack: I'm gonna take off now. You're gonna let me go home, aren't you?
Chandler Bing: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer?
Zack: No, no, I should get home, I'm kinda tired.
Chandler Bing: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression.
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Chandler Bing: Ok.
Chandler Bing: I think we've found our sperm!
Monica Geller: Does seem pretty perfect.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?
Monica Geller: No.
Chandler Bing: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!
Monica Geller: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, he's better!
Monica Geller: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else.
Chandler Bing: Really? Are you sure?
Monica Geller: Yeah, I'm sure.
Chandler Bing: Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Monica Geller: That is so sweet. I love you.
Chandler Bing: So you know this leaves us with...
Monica Geller: Adoption.
Chandler Bing: How do you feel about that?
Monica Geller: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.
Chandler Bing: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.
Monica Geller: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, we're gonna be parents!
Chandler Bing: We are gonna be great parents.
Monica Geller: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there our baby could be being conceived.
Chandler Bing: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler Bing: Hey, Zack!
Zack: Hey Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Zack: No you didn't.
Chandler Bing: Really?
Zack: No you did.
Chandler Bing: My wife and I have some boundary issues, you know, sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. We're working on it.
Jeanette: Here are the boards for Friday's pitch .
Zack: Oh, thank you.
Chandler Bing: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?


Joey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm all packed and ready to go!
Ross Geller: Oh, that's right! Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey Tribbiani: Mmh-mmh.
Ross Geller: Can you say Barbados?
Joey Tribbiani: Barbados!
Ross Geller: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Rachel Green: Do you have anything that would... get us out of them?
Chandler Bing: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Phoebe Buffay: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
Ross Geller: Oh, right, because he's a scientist!
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
Ross Geller: Ok, we gotta go, yeah? So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
Ross Geller: It's a blanket Joe, not a cloak of invisibility!
Charlie Wheeler: Wow! This place is beautiful!
Ross Geller: Look at all these paleontologists!!
Joey Tribbiani: I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow!
Woman: Oh my God, I can't believe you're here!
Joey Tribbiani: I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!
Woman: Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!
Joey Tribbiani: That... never happens...
Woman: I've been following your career for years, I-I can't wait for your keynote speech.
Ross Geller: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...
Woman: I would love your autograph.
Ross Geller: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..."
Woman: Sarah.
Ross Geller: "... Sarah. I dig you", Uh? "Doctor Ross Geller".
Sarah: Thank you so much!
Ross Geller: Yeah, oh and Sarah... I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, uh, Professor Wheeler, a-and this is Joey Tribbiani.
Sarah: Are you a paleontologist?
Joey Tribbiani: No, God, no! No! No no, I'm an actor. You'd probably recognize me from a little show called "The Days of Our Lives".
Ross Geller: Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives"... there's no the.
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, Ross! It's... It's fun, yeah! No, I-I play Doctor Drake Ramoray.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
Joey Tribbiani: You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at??
Monica Geller: David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
David: Oh, certainly. That's a combination of Bernoulli's principle and Newton's third law of motion.
Monica Geller: See?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Monica Geller: Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Phoebe Buffay: Mike?? Who's Mike?
David: Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!
Phoebe Buffay: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
David: It's ok. Ho-honest mistake.
Phoebe Buffay: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Chandler Bing: She does?
Monica Geller: Let's get you out of here!!
Monica Geller: At least you took me down with you!
Phoebe Buffay: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
Monica Geller: I guess, in time.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Monica Geller: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
Phoebe Buffay: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
David: Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler Bing: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler Bing: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
David: Sorry, I just... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe...
Chandler Bing: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler Bing: Oh, because his penis was too big. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
Chandler Bing: What?
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Chandler Bing: I didn't mean now...
David: Why not? It's brilliant! Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Chandler Bing: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
David: How do you think I should propose?
Chandler Bing: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! How you doin'? Yeah alright!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?
Charlie Wheeler: I didn't mean a thong... I meant thongs...
Joey Tribbiani: You really should have been more clear about that!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! ah! eh... Britney Spears!?
Ross Geller: Yeah, she never misses these conferences! No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!
Charlie Wheeler: Oh my God! Did you talk to him?
Ross Geller: Yeah... what am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz?
Joey Tribbiani: You could say: "Hey Kenny, how come you're not Britney Spears?"
Ross Geller: Ready to go?
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: Wha...? You're gonna go now? I thought we could hang out?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Charlie Wheeler: But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
Joey Tribbiani: Will you wear a thong?
Charlie Wheeler: I will if you will.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!
Ross Geller: I'm good, I have dinner plans .
Charlie Wheeler: So you'll be ok?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, yeah. I've got tons of stuff I could do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming...
Ross Geller: Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
Joey Tribbiani: No, why?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh man!
Charlie Wheeler: There's an indoor pool, you can swim there!
Joey Tribbiani: I wasn't gonna swim, I was gonna dig a hole!
Monica Geller: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
Chandler Bing: I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" "I do".
Monica Geller: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Chandler Bing: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica Geller: What? Why?
Chandler Bing: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica Geller: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler Bing: I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Monica Geller: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Chandler Bing: Man, that's some bad advice!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Hey! Thank God you guys are here!
Rachel Green: Hey! Hey what's going on?
Joey Tribbiani: Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
Rachel Green: Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!
Monica Geller: Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
Chandler Bing: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in.
Monica Geller: Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
Monica Geller: And make sure our room isn't next to theirs .
Rachel Green: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could share that with a guy.
Phoebe Buffay: Not Joey.
Rachel Green: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
Monica Geller: Yeah, right!
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight.
Chandler Bing: Tonight?! Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? Oh, there it is!
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Chandler Bing: Nice!
Chandler Bing: Monica, can I talk to you for a sec?
Monica Geller: Ok!
Chandler Bing: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Monica Geller: See what happens when you give people advice? I hope you told him not to?
Chandler Bing: That would be advice!!
Monica Geller: Ok fine. I'll handle this. Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Monica Geller: I need to talk to you.
Phoebe Buffay: Are you leaving "The Supremes"?
Monica Geller: Ok, my husband just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice. Look, David is going to propose to you tonight.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow? Really? That's fantastic!
Monica Geller: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." You know, it's every girl's dream!
Monica Geller: Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?
Phoebe Buffay: Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike... David! David. I love David. Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!
Ross Geller: By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.
Charlie Wheeler: It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference.
Ross Geller: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. .
Joey Tribbiani: Hey guys!
Ross Geller: The chocolates aren't here yet.
Joey Tribbiani: Damnit!
Charlie Wheeler: Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic!
Chandler Bing: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Ross Geller: If you want to check your email, just ask!
Chandler Bing: What? May I?
Rachel Green: What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
Charlie Wheeler: Actually the wet season is June to December.
Rachel Green: It's not the time Charlie.
Chandler Bing: Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? Oh! Secret teapot?
Chandler Bing: Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
Ross Geller: Wha... what do you mean?
Chandler Bing: It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Ross Geller: What, oh my God. What did you do?
Chandler Bing: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Ross Geller: Why, why would you open it?
Chandler Bing: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
Ross Geller: What did it say?
Chandler Bing: Nude... ... pictures of Anna Kournikova. I'm so sorry.
Ross Geller: What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
Chandler Bing: It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
Ross Geller: NO! I don't!!
Chandler Bing: Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
Joey Tribbiani: It's really gone?
Ross Geller: Yep! I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here to complain about the rain and ruin my career!
Chandler Bing: I just feel awful.
Ross Geller: Yeah, well you should! I mean, nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? I mean, she's never even won a major tournament!
Chandler Bing: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her...
Ross Geller: Get out!
Rachel Green: You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.
Ross Geller: Well, what do you do?
Rachel Green: Well, I usually go... play Tetris on somebody else's computer.
Ross Geller: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
Joey Tribbiani: I could teach you a speech that I memorized for auditions.
Ross Geller: I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!
Charlie Wheeler: Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
Ross Geller: Wha... what you really think we can do that?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner .
Joey Tribbiani: Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
Rachel Green: Ugh.
Ross Geller: Alright, ok, let's do it. Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, oh! Any chance any of this happened in a "Galaxy far, far away"? .
Mike Hannigan: Hello?
Monica Geller: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
Mike Hannigan: Who is this?
Monica Geller: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
Mike Hannigan: He... he's gonna propose?
Monica Geller: I... I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair!
Mike Hannigan: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Monica Geller: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? Damnit!
Monica Geller: Well, I hope you're happy!
Chandler Bing: Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Monica Geller: Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
Chandler Bing: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Monica Geller: No it's not, b'cause she's still in love with Mike!
Chandler Bing: And there's not chance that will work?
Monica Geller: No, I called him. It's not gonna happen.
Chandler Bing: Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!
Monica Geller: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Chandler Bing: This vacation sucks!!
Joey Tribbiani: I'm so bored! Stupid rain, we... we can't do anything.
Rachel Green: Well, I've brought some books. We could read.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?
Rachel Green: We can't. We're not pharmacists!
Joey Tribbiani: I know we're not, but Frank Medeio and... Eva Trorro... womba...
Rachel Green: Kate Miller?
Joey Tribbiani: Kate Miller it is.
Rachel Green: And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
Joey Tribbiani: In that case should I make sure it's on real good?
Rachel Green: Thank you.
Charlie Wheeler: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
Ross Geller: Yeah, that's it?
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Oh my God, we did it!
Charlie Wheeler: Actually I did it Ross. You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.
Ross Geller: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. That's a pretty necklace.
Charlie Wheeler: Thank you.
Ross Geller: Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne?
Charlie Wheeler: Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.
Ross Geller: Oh my God, I love you.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
Ross Geller: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Charlie Wheeler: Your first marriage?
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Charlie Wheeler: You're married more than once?
Ross Geller: No.
Charlie Wheeler: So, why did you break up?
Ross Geller: Oh, it was... it's complicated, you know? She... she was... eh... gay.
Charlie Wheeler: Oh my God, this is so cool!
Ross Geller: Ok, odd thing to get excited about!
Charlie Wheeler: No, it's just... I was enganged to a guy who turned out to be gay!
Ross Geller: Hey! High-five!
Charlie Wheeler: Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs? My fiance was always going away on these long weekends with his tennis partner.
Ross Geller: My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with everyday for a year. She didn't get any fitter.
Charlie Wheeler: Right and then everybody finds out and they're like: "Oh, I knew all along"
Ross Geller: I know! It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me, you know? I mean, call, or leave a note: "Hi, I just dropped by to say your wife's gay"
Charlie Wheeler: I know!
Ross Geller: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Charlie Wheeler: I didn't do that.
Ross Geller: Me neither.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.
Rachel Green: I know, that old lady at the end was ready to take you home.
Joey Tribbiani: Not enough pills in the world, Rach. What about you, you're the single one, seen anybody in there you like?
Rachel Green: Well, let's see. There was a really big guy that I was talking to, with the really nice breasts...
Joey Tribbiani: But what about back home, anything going on there? Anybody you like?
Rachel Green: No.
Joey Tribbiani: There it is, you're blushing!
Rachel Green: No, I'm not blushing, I'm sunburnt! From, you know, the rain.
Joey Tribbiani: You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it?
Rachel Green: No.
Joey Tribbiani: Tell me who it is.
Rachel Green: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on who? Who do you like? Tell me. You're not getting away that easy. Who do you like, who?
Rachel Green: Joey, come on! It doesn't matter, you know, it's not like anything's gonna happen.
Joey Tribbiani: What? Why not? Rach, who can you not get?
Rachel Green: Oh! Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, who is that?
Rachel Green: Do ya?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Charlie Wheeler: I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
Joey Tribbiani: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Ross Geller: Yep, we got it, we got it. Thank you so much.
Charlie Wheeler: I had a great time.
Joey Tribbiani: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
Rachel Green: Later! La...
Charlie Wheeler: So, shall we?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Rachel Green: Ok. See you, bye.
Charlie Wheeler: Bye.
Ross Geller: Good night.
Joey Tribbiani: Night.
Monica Geller: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.
Chandler Bing: You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
Chandler Bing: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Phoebe Buffay: Sure, ok, yeah.
David: But well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So, to that end...
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, Mike!
David: It's David, actually!
Phoebe Buffay: No, Mike's here.
David: Hi Mike!
Mike Hannigan: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... Oh!
Monica Geller: IT'S THE HUMIDITY!
Mike Hannigan: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: What are you, what are you doing here?
Mike Hannigan: I have a question I need to ask you.
David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
Mike Hannigan: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
David: Ok, would you care for my seat as well?
Mike Hannigan: Actually yeah, that'll be great.
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip.
Mike Hannigan: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
David: Kinda stepped on the toes of what I was going to say.
Mike Hannigan: Sorry David, but she really has to know this.
David: Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.
Monica Geller: You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? Now, I don't actually have a ring...
David: I have a ring.
Chandler Bing: I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
David: Phoebe, will you marry me?
Phoebe Buffay: No!
David: Uhm... Ha ha!
Phoebe Buffay: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
Mike Hannigan: We can have any future you want.
David: Ok, I'm gonna take off.
Phoebe Buffay: David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
David: Just so I know, if I had asked first...
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip!
Mike Hannigan: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes!
Monica Geller: BECAUSE OF OUR MEDDLING! Alright?


Chandler Bing: Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Monica Geller: I know.
Rachel Green: Open your drapes! Open your drapes!
Chandler Bing: I'm so glad we've got adjoining rooms!
Monica Geller: The sun is out!
Chandler Bing: Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
Monica Geller: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Chandler Bing: Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
Rachel Green: Nooo!
Monica Geller: Damn it!
Ross Geller: Walls are pretty thin, guys!
Ross Geller: Then we have to await the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.
Rachel Green: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
Ross Geller: Finally, factoring the profusion of new species recently discovered: Gigantosaurus, Argentinasaurus...
Chandler Bing: Not to mention the cold sores.
Ross Geller: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
Chandler Bing: Really?
Ross Geller: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Charlie Wheeler: What?
Joey Tribbiani: He said "erectus"!
Charlie Wheeler: You're... you're kidding, right?
Joey Tribbiani: No, he really said it.
Ross Geller: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
Joey Tribbiani: Erectus?
Rachel Green: Homo.
Ross Geller: ... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. Thank you!
Ross Geller: Oh, thanks guys!
Man With A Bow Tie: I thought... it was wonderful!
Ross Geller: Oh!
Man With A Bow Tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... .
Ross Geller: Ok... now... now we're just holding hands!
Rachel Green: All right! Well, uh... we're gonna hit the beach?
Monica Geller: Yeah!
Rachel Green: It was really... great!
Ross Geller: Oh, thank you so much!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and so funny!
Rachel Green: Oh!
Ross Geller: Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!
Mike Hannigan: You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
Mike Hannigan: Oh... I'm back!
Ross Geller: Ok!... Uh... excuse me? Yeah?
Ross Geller: Hey! Well...?
Charlie Wheeler: You were incredible!
Ross Geller: Yeah?
Charlie Wheeler: You blew them away!
Ross Geller: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were mouthing the words along with me?
Charlie Wheeler: I was not!
Ross Geller: No, it's ok! Made me feel like a rock star!
Charlie Wheeler: Oh my God! I'm your groupie!
Ross Geller: I'd better not found you naked in my hotel room!
Ross Geller: Look, I took it too far!
Monica Geller: I can't believe it's raining again! Oh, it's so unfair!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. Not you guys. You got it going on!
Monica Geller: So, what are we gonna do today?
Mike Hannigan: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
Monica Geller: Ping pong? Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
Chandler Bing: I don't think so!
Monica Geller: Why not?
Chandler Bing: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
Monica Geller: I'm not always that bad!
Chandler Bing: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
Monica Geller: I punched you...?
Chandler Bing: And...?
Monica Geller: ... Phoebe...?
Phoebe Buffay: ... and...?
Monica Geller: I clunked your heads together!
Charlie Wheeler: Hey! There you are!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya!
Charlie Wheeler: I'm sorry, I can't! I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...
Charlie Wheeler: You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and especially last night...
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech...
Charlie Wheeler: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh! Oh, well! At least we're both having fun!
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah...
Charlie Wheeler: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! A little bit, yeah...
Charlie Wheeler: I think we need to talk...!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah... I think we do... ... about what?
Monica Geller: C'mon guys, it'll be fun!
Phoebe Buffay: All right, all right... I'll play if we don't keep score!
Monica Geller: But then how do we know who wins?
Phoebe Buffay: Nobody wins!
Monica Geller: So, we're just four losers... SUPER!
Chandler Bing: I'm not playing with you.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I'm out.
Mike Hannigan: I'll play ya!
Monica Geller: OK!
Phoebe Buffay: Mike, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing!
Chandler Bing: She gets crazy! This scar is from Pictionary!
Mike Hannigan: I think I will be all right! You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Monica Geller: Sure! Got to!
Monica Geller: Aww!
Mike Hannigan: Oh, by the way... I'm awesome!!
Chandler Bing: Oh dear God, there's two of them!
Mike Hannigan: You're ready to play?
Monica Geller: Hell, yeah!
Chandler Bing: Did you know this about him?
Phoebe Buffay: No idea! I though he was soft like you!
Mike Hannigan: Wanna make it more interesting?
Monica Geller: How much were you thinking?
Mike Hannigan: Ten bucks a game?
Monica Geller: Make it fifty!
Mike Hannigan: I'll make it a hundred!
Monica Geller: One thousand...
Chandler Bing: OK!
Mike Hannigan: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Monica Geller: No... Either of you girls got a quarter?
Chandler Bing: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, you call it.
Monica Geller: Heads! No, Tails! He-he-heads!
Phoebe Buffay: Tails!
Monica Geller: Ow, what are the chances!
Monica Geller: Ha! My point!
Mike Hannigan: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Phoebe Buffay: He was a lawyer!
Alexandra Steele: ... all these coasts having beautiful weather. In New York, it's 72 and sunny!
Rachel Green: Oh! Weather bitch!
Rachel Green: It's open! Hi, Joe!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey...
Rachel Green: What, is everything ok?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh... Charlie and I broke up.
Rachel Green: Nooooo, why?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh well, she said we have nothing in common.
Rachel Green: Oh, that's crazy!
Joey Tribbiani: No, it's not, we have nothing in common!
Rachel Green: ... yeah, it's true.
Joey Tribbiani: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Rachel Green: What, hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok, Rach!
Joey Tribbiani: I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?
Rachel Green: W-What are you, what are you talking about?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, c'mon, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie, and it's like... What the hell is my problem? OH!
Rachel Green: Ok... uh... maybe you're not always going after the wrong girl...
Joey Tribbiani: I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me!
Rachel Green: Yeah, I'm not talking about her...
Joey Tribbiani: But then who? The waitress I went out with last month?
Rachel Green: You know? Forget it!
Joey Tribbiani: No-no-no-no, no! Who, who were you talking about?
Rachel Green: No, I-I-I-I don't, I actually don't know who I'm talking about! So!
Joey Tribbiani: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Rachel Green: Yeah, sure!
Joey Tribbiani: You like me?
Rachel Green: Ok, let's not make a big thing about this!
Joey Tribbiani: That's a huge thing!
Rachel Green: Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts musings, if you will!
Joey Tribbiani: What... for how long?
Rachel Green: Only like a month!
Joey Tribbiani: A MONTH??
Rachel Green: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! Ok, dial it up a little!
Joey Tribbiani: I just have one question!
Rachel Green: Shoot!
Joey Tribbiani: What the hell are you doin'???
Rachel Green: I don't know, I'm not trying to do anything, it's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know... I mean, aren't you just a... little curious... what that would be like?...
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, am I curious? I mean, I am as curious as... as... George!!
Rachel Green: Who...?
Joey Tribbiani: CURIOUS GEORGE ! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
Rachel Green: Oh yes, of course, I remember him!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, he had a paper route.
Rachel Green: Yeah, he did! Oh, see, this is what I'm talking about!
Joey Tribbiani: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
Rachel Green: But can it... just... happen a little bit?
Joey Tribbiani: NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
Rachel Green: But why, why not?
Joey Tribbiani: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! I couldn't do it to Ross!
Rachel Green: But that wasn't gonna stop you before!
Joey Tribbiani: I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... I'm sorry...!
Rachel Green: I'm sorry, too! OH GOD! I shouldn't have said anything!
Joey Tribbiani: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
Rachel Green: It's not a big deal!
Joey Tribbiani: NO BIG DEAL!
Rachel Green: It's so not a big deal!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! I'll see ya later! Yeah!
Rachel Green: Ok!
Rachel Green: Ok, I...
Rachel Green: AAAHHHH!
Monica Geller: Ooh! I'm sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!
Mike Hannigan: Do you?
Monica Geller: Ah, yeah!
Mike Hannigan: Do you?
Monica Geller: Ah, yeaaah!
Mike Hannigan: DO YOU?
Monica Geller: AH YEAAAAH!
Chandler Bing: Do you really find this attractive on him?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah! Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Chandler Bing: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Phoebe Buffay: C'mon Mike, you can beat her! Knock that dog off her head!
Monica Geller: Oh, damn it!
Phoebe Buffay: I sleep with him!
Mike Hannigan: Game, point!
Monica Geller: Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
Mike Hannigan: You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.
Monica Geller: NO, NO, NOOO!
Mike Hannigan: And that's how it's done!
Chandler Bing: Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
Monica Geller: Best out of three?
Mike Hannigan: That's what I'm thinking.
Chandler Bing: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
Monica Geller: Serve the ball, chump!
Mike Hannigan: : Serve the ball, chump.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.
Jarvis Oberblau: I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks if you ever want to get away from the city, well, that'd be just nifty!
Ross Geller: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man.
Woman: Jarvis?
Jarvis Oberblau: Oh, you're back... this is my wife, Nancy.
Ross Geller: Get Out!
Charlie Wheeler: Ross, can I talk to you for a minute?
Ross Geller: Yes, please! So, what's going on?
Charlie Wheeler: Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.
Ross Geller: Oh my God, wh-what happened?
Charlie Wheeler: Joey is a great guy, but we're just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!
Ross Geller: I knew that was him!
Charlie Wheeler: Anyway I just, uh, I think it's for the best.
Ross Geller: Hey, you ok?
Charlie Wheeler: I guess. There was hum... there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone else.
Paleontologist: Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Ross Geller: Oh, professor Clerk we're kind of in the middle of a conversation, here.
Charlie Wheeler: Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?
Professore Clerk: Or we could throw you both in now!
Ross Geller: Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren't we a little old for this? I mean, we're scientists, right? We're academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. . GO, GO, GO!
Mike Hannigan: Ok, so it's a tie again, 41 to 41.
Chandler Bing: Ok, look! Enough is enough!
Monica Geller: No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!
Chandler Bing: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
Monica Geller: I can't just walk away! I've put in four hours!
Chandler Bing: But...
Monica Geller: Look! You knew this about me when you married me! You agreed to take me in sickness and in health. Well, this is my sickness!
Chandler Bing: What about the obsessive cleaning?
Monica Geller: That's just good sense!
Monica Geller: Aww!
Chandler Bing: You ok?
Monica Geller: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! Oh my God! I can't play!
Mike Hannigan: So you forfeit?
Phoebe Buffay: Mike wins?
Monica Geller: I can't believe it! I lost!
Chandler Bing: No, you didn't.
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: Because I'm gonna play for ya.
Phoebe Buffay: You can't do that!
Mike Hannigan: Oh, that's ok. I don't care which of them I beat.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
Monica Geller: Honey, you don't have to do this.
Chandler Bing: Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
Monica Geller: But... you suck!
Chandler Bing: You're welcome, sweetheart.
Chandler Bing: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Mike Hannigan: Ok!
Monica Geller: Oh my God! You're good!
Phoebe Buffay: It's like watching porn!
Chandler Bing: And that's... how... it's done!
Monica Geller: Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you Hold on! I almost forgot loser! When did you stop sucking?
Chandler Bing: I never sucked, I actually didn't want you to know how good I was!
Monica Geller: Why?
Chandler Bing: I don't know.
Monica Geller: This is so great! Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!
Chandler Bing: That's why!
Charlie Wheeler: Thanks!
Ross Geller: Hi.
Charlie Wheeler: Are they still looking for us?
Ross Geller: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Ross Geller: I don't think they saw us.
Charlie Wheeler: I don't think they did.
Charlie Wheeler: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
Ross Geller: Oh. Can I... can I ask who?
Charlie Wheeler: I think you know.
Ross Geller: I think I know too but I've been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...
Ross Geller: I'm sorry... we... we can't.
Charlie Wheeler: All right, all right.
Ross Geller: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. Or-or not!
Rachel Green: What? Homo ergaster: Some scientists classify some African erectus specimens as belonging to a separate species, Homo ergaster, which differs from the Asian H. erectus fossils in some details of the skull .