Joey Tribbiani: Okay, pick a card.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: All right now, memorize it. You got it?
Chandler Bing: Oh yes.
Joey Tribbiani: Is that your card?
Chandler Bing: Yes.
Carol Willick: Hey guys!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Chandler Bing: Hi there!
Ben Geller: Hi!!
Carol Willick: Guess what? Ben is going to be in a TV commercial!
Phoebe Buffay: What are you talking about?!
Ross Geller: Well, it's not for sure but umm, we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute-y'know, which he is-so umm anyhoo, he uh, he gave us his card and told us to bring him down for this commercial he's auditioning.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! I mean, way to go Ben! Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross Geller: I know, it's crazy! We were just pushing Ben on the swings...
Joey Tribbiani: I'm always on the swings! What am I doing wrong?!
Chandler Bing: That.
Rachel Green: Okay, gotta go! Wish me luck!
Joey Tribbiani: Luck!
Chandler Bing: Hey Rach, now that you're working at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?
Rachel Green: Uh well, y'know what? I don't think if I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day...
Chandler Bing: Unwilling to steal from work, interesting.
Monica Geller: Besides, if anybody's gonna get free stuff, it's gonna be me.
Rachel Green: Okay guys, way to wish me luck!
Everyone: Good luck! Go get 'em!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, let's discuss Rachel's birthday. I say we throw a surprise party this weekend.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa, but her birthday isn't like for another month.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah but if we throw her a party on her birthday, then it's not a surprise.
Monica Geller: I think it's a great idea. Yeah, we could have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Ross Geller: Okay!!
Joey Tribbiani: Done.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, great so do you want to do it together?
Monica Geller: I would love to do it together!
Joey Tribbiani: They're gonna do it together.
Chandler Bing: Dude! That's my girlfriend!
Joey Tribbiani: What, so I gotta shut it down now?
Ross Geller: All right, I gotta take off. I'm picking up Ben then we're off to the big audition.
Monica Geller: It's gonna be weird to watch some actor pretending to be Ben's dad.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Weirder than watching his two moms make out?
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Ross Geller: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Ross Geller: You're not his godfather.
Joey Tribbiani: What?! Are you kidding?!
Ross Geller: Of course I am! Okay, let's go godfather.
Joey Tribbiani: All right!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
Ross Geller: Really? That's great!
Joey Tribbiani: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her...
Carol Willick: Hey, that kid looks familiar.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, yeah! He's done tons of commercials. I've seen him in like Sugar Smacks, Playstation, and that one for the phone company. In fact he was so good in that one, he actually convinced me to switch phone companies. Chandler was mad...
Ross Geller: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you,
Joey Tribbiani: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?
Ross Geller: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Joey Tribbiani: I look more like him than you do!
Carol Willick: Y'know, I don't really know you well enough for you to do that.
Kim: So it's down to these two, Nancy I know you like this one and I think I agree. Rachel, what do you think?
Rachel Green: Well umm, that one is pretty but uh, I just, I just love this fabric Sorry.
Kim: Oh don't be sorry, that's part of your job here to give your opinions and then I take credit for them-I'm kidding.
Nancy: She is kidding, but don't ever disagree with her again. Okay, now I'm kidding!
Rachel Green: Oh, what a fun office.
Kim: I don't know which one, but I do know I need a cigarette. So what do you say we take a break, we go outside, and we'll figure this out when we come back?
Kim: Rachel? Do you smoke?
Rachel Green: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories...about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
Rachel Green: ...and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
Monica Geller: That doesn't seem fair.
Rachel Green: I know! It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisoning habit!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, it is the best.
Rachel Green: I mean what if this keeps happening? Y'know, they'll-they'll be outside smoking, making all the decisions and I'll just be up in my office breathing my stupid clean air, y'know? And then when the day comes when Kim wants to promote one of us, who do you think she's gonna pick? Me or Smokey Smokerson?
Monica Geller: Rachel, you can go down there, you don't have to smoke. Just say you wanna get some fresh air.
Rachel Green: Yeah, I can do that.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, or you can do the easy thing and smoke.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Rach, you wanna get some coffee?
Rachel Green: I would love to!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I wanna go to babe.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh wait, I change my mind! Okay, let's talk about the party! I have so many ideas!
Monica Geller: Yeah, me too!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look at that.
Monica Geller: All right, that's a little sketch of the cake, umm some sample menus, umm y'know what I thought we would start out with Tuscan style finger food, and for music, here's an alphabetized list of all my CDs! I've highlighted the ones that would go really good with the food.
Phoebe Buffay: What happened to the intimate dinner party?
Monica Geller: Oh, we're not doing that. Okay...
Phoebe Buffay: So wow, it looks like you took care of everything. Thanks a lot, co-host.
Monica Geller: What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do!
Phoebe Buffay: Like what?
Monica Geller: Cups.
Phoebe Buffay: Cups? You're giving me cups?
Monica Geller: And ice!
Phoebe Buffay: Cups and ice? Ooh, I get to be in charge of cups and ice? All right. Fine, okay, I will be in charge of cups and ice!
Monica Geller: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant...
Phoebe Buffay: I got it! Mine!
Ross Geller: Hi.
Monica Geller: Hey! How'd the audition go?!
Ross Geller: Not so good.
Monica Geller: Wait a minute, are you doing Joey's "Audition didn't go so well. Yeah it did?"
Ross Geller: Yeah I am! Yeah, Ben got a second audition!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Monica Geller: You got a callback too didn't you?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah I did!
Kim: Hey Rachel, what are you doing out here?
Rachel Green: Oh well, it's kinda lonely up there, so I just thought I would come out here and get some fresh air.
Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.
Rachel Green: Oh great!
Kim: So anyway we really... Honey, we're just smoking all over you.
Nancy: Oh, sorry!
Rachel Green: Oh that's okay.
Kim: No-no-no, we'll move you just stay right there.
Nancy: So anyway I sent the designs over to Ralph and he's very excited about the line.
Kim: Oh that's great! You are the best!
Rachel Green: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? Y'know what, actually... Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
Nancy: I thought you didn't smoke.
Rachel Green: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time.
Kim: We get high.
Rachel Green: Oh, me too.
Kim: I'm kidding.
Rachel Green: Oh, me too.
Ross Geller: Oh God, this is so nerve wracking! How-how do you do this?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, unfortunately, I don't get many callbacks so...
Carol Willick: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Joey Tribbiani: Who knows?
The Casting Director: Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Ross Geller: Yes!! I knew it!! Bye-bye! So long! Later!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
Ross Geller: Yeah!
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two or you two.
Joey Tribbiani: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.
Ross Geller: Yeah, it is.
Kyle: Yeah. It's gonna be weird.
Ross Geller: No, we-we're gonna be like best friends, that's why it's gonna be weird.
Kyle: Oh, oh, I thought we were just talking.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?
Chandler Bing: Ah sure. What's in 'em?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, cups.
Chandler Bing: Oh good, because uh we got Rachel 800 gallons of water.
Ross Geller: Seriously that's a lot of cups.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice.
Chandler Bing: Y'know I rued the day once...didn't get a whole lot else done.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, time to bring up the rest of the cups. Oh, hi Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs! Hey!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Ross Geller: What's up?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Ross Geller: Wow, uh, Joey that's-that's great. Thanks man.
Joey Tribbiani: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Ross Geller: Well, you just...
Joey Tribbiani: I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it! Look Ross, if anyone should step aside it should be Ben!
Ross Geller: What?!
Joey Tribbiani: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Chandler Bing: Well I mean, let me get the door first. Oh, hi! No one.
Ross Geller: Why should Ben step aside? It was his audition in the first place! You-you just tagged along! You're like the uh, tag-a-long dad.
Joey Tribbiani: At least I care about his feelings!
Ross Geller: What?!
Joey Tribbiani: Do you know how hard this is gonna be on him when he doesn't get it?
Ross Geller: And why wouldn't he get it?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, come on! Have you seen what my kid can do?! Huh?! I mean he dials phones! He-he-he eats tortilla chips! He-he plays soccer with the cartoon tiger!
Ross Geller: Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?
Joey Tribbiani: You just give him a spoon baby!
Ross Geller: Oh yeah? I guess we'll just see!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!
Ross Geller: You're kid's name is Raymond!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah?! So's yours!
Monica Geller: How did work go?
Rachel Green: Oh it was great! It was great! I went down there just like you said, y'know? And we talked business. Kim totally took my opinions.
Monica Geller: You stink!
Rachel Green: Thanks!
Monica Geller: No, I'm-I'm serious!
Rachel Green: Well-well that's 'cause I went down there and they were all smoking. This is actually the smell of success.
Chandler Bing: Okay, there's something different though-Oh my God! You smoked!
Rachel Green: I did not!
Chandler Bing: Yes you did! You look happy and sick; you smoked!
Rachel Green: All right, fine! But I had too! I had to do it for my career!
Chandler Bing: I wish I had smoked for my career...
Monica Geller: That's so gross!
Rachel Green: No well, no it's not that bad, y'know? I mean yeah, my tongue feels a little fuzzy and these fingers sort of smell, I actually feel like I can throw up.
Chandler Bing: Okay, but you gotta push past this because it is about to get so good!
Monica Geller: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding.
Chandler Bing: I think you smell great!
Kim: So, we're decided, no on plaid, yes on pink?
Nancy: Absolutely!
Rachel Green: I am so on board!
Kim: Rachel didn't you just light that?
Rachel Green: Yeah, I did, but y'know what? I am really, really trying to cut back, y'know? Good luck, Rach.
Nancy: I've actually been thinking about quitting lately.
Kim: Oh sure, every Sunday night I'm telling myself I'm quitting but every Monday morning it's like
Nancy: Tell me about it!
Rachel Green: Well then let's just quit! We'll just quit! Let's all quit!
Kim: It does sound appealing.
Nancy: Oh, I never could do it.
Rachel Green: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get-what are those-those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!
Kim: Oh y'know, we really should quit. Okay, let's quit!
Rachel Green: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it!
Kim: My late husband gave me that lighter. I'm not kidding.
Rachel Green: Okay then!
Joey Tribbiani: Hmmm, soup! Hmm soup! Hmm, soup!
Carol Willick: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, no problem.
Carol Willick: Thanks.
Joey Tribbiani: Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Ross Geller: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Ross!
Ross Geller: Ben! I mean, Ben! Ben!
The Casting Director: Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
Joey Tribbiani: Hi!
The Casting Director: Okay, uh well, let's try one. Whenever you guys are ready.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Joey Tribbiani: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: Y'know, that's-that's fine, but the line is, "Hmm, soup."
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, what did I say?
The Casting Director: Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey Tribbiani: How's that different? Oh! Yeah!
The Casting Director: All right, let's try one.
Joey Tribbiani: Hmm, noodle soup.
The Casting Director: Okay. Let's do it again.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Hmm, soup. I mean, noodle soup. I mean soup!
Raymond: COME ON!!!!
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
Joey Tribbiani: No! No! I-I can do it one more time! See? Look! Hmm, noodle soup. Damnit!
Rachel Green: Hey! Hey-hey-hey!!
Kim: Uh-oh, busted!
Rachel Green: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Kim: Yeah. That didn't work out.
Nancy: Rachel we tried to quit, but it was too hard!
Rachel Green: Well y'know if you, if you started smoking again you could've at least told me! Come on, give me one of those! What are we talking about?
Kim: No. No! You're doing great! Don't you give up! That's why we didn't tell you and we're not gonna drag you down with us.
Rachel Green: Oh wait, no-no-no! Drag me down. Drag-drag me down.
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Rachel Green: Okay.
Kim: So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
Rachel Green: Oh man!
Phoebe Buffay: Check it out! Cup hat! Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup!
Chandler Bing: Great job with the cups, Pheebs!
Monica Geller: Why don't you just go out with her!
Phoebe Buffay: And did you notice the ice? Look! We have it all! We have crushed! Cubed! And dry! Watch! Ahhh! Mystical!
Chandler Bing: Awesome!
Monica Geller: Chandler! Everyone-no one's eating my Tuscan finger food 'cause they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones!
Chandler Bing: There are snow cones! Snow cones! Yuck!
Monica Geller: Y'know...go! Go! Right there!
Chandler Bing: Thank you! Thank you!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look! Look! Look!
Everyone: Surprise!!
Rachel Green: What?! What?! My birthday's not for another month!
Monica Geller: That's the surprise!
Rachel Green: Oh my God! You guys this is so great! I mean it's so unexpected! I mean Chandler's birthday is even before mine!
Everyone: Surprise!
Rachel Green: Wow! This is great! Look at all these cups! This is so weird.
Phoebe Buffay: I was in charge of cups.
Rachel Green: Oh, okay, not so weird.
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey.
Ross Geller: Listen man, uh, I'm sorry the audition didn't go so well.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah right!
Ross Geller: No really, I-I am! I feel bad!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah? Well look Ross, you don't have to. Okay? It's not your fault I suck. I mean what kind of an actor can't even say, "Hmm, noodle soup."
Ross Geller: Yeah y'know what? Maybe-maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck, maybe you messed up because you care more about uh, your godson.
Joey Tribbiani: What you do mean?
Ross Geller: I think, sub-consciously...
Joey Tribbiani: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.
Ross Geller: I think on some level, you-you sabotaged your own audition so that Ben would get the part.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor...
Ross Geller: No!
Joey Tribbiani: No, it's just ah, I care so damn much about little Ben that uh, it was more important to see him succeed.
Ross Geller: There you go. Thank you!
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you! So, did-did he get it?
Ross Geller: No.
Joey Tribbiani: Eh, what are you gonna do?
Chandler Bing: Oh, hi! Excuse me, is uh Rachel Green here? I was supposed to meet her for lunch.
Kim: Oh, she doesn't come down here any more. You can find her up on ten.
Chandler Bing: Okay, great.
Kim: So we talked about the whole presentation yesterday at lunch and he wondered if one person would be enough to get a take on the trip and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!"
Chandler Bing: I'll catch you guys later.


Ross Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Ross Geller: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler Bing: Monica and I are celebrating our ten-month anniversary, we've got reservations at Ja George.
Ross Geller: Wow! How'd you get in there?
Chandler Bing: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
Delivery Girl: Hi Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Hey Caitlin! Somebody got a haircut.
Caitlin: Ugh, I hate it! I look like an 8-year-old boy.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting.
Caitlin: It's uh, 27 dollars even.
Chandler Bing: Oh, okay. Here you go.
Caitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?
Chandler Bing: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
Caitlin: Great. I'll see you later!
Chandler Bing: Okay, bye!
Ross Geller: What the hell was that?!
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!
Chandler Bing: I was not flirting.
Ross Geller: It was totally flirting. "Somebody got a haircut "
Chandler Bing: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
Ross Geller: Yeah, right.
Chandler Bing: You wanna see flirting? I'll show you flirting.
Ross Geller: I'm good.
Rachel Green: I am so proud of Joey, I can't believe he's going to be on Law & Order!
Phoebe Buffay: I know. But don't you think that it should be called Order and Law?
Rachel Green: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
Phoebe Buffay: Don't get me started on that.
Chandler Bing: I was not flirting.
Ross Geller: And on your anniversary, for shame!
Rachel Green: What's going on?
Ross Geller: Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl!
Chandler Bing: I was not and oh God, shh!
Ross Geller: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Phoebe Buffay: Sounds like somebody wants to be Mr. Pizza Delivery Girl.
Ross Geller: Well...
Chandler Bing: Is that what this is about? You like Caitlin?
Rachel Green: Ross! We broke up two years ago; you've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.
Ross Geller: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.
Rachel Green: Hm-mmm.
Ross Geller: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little...
Rachel Green: Okay, y'know what? We don't need her measurements.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross Geller: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Phoebe Buffay: See? Vegetarianism benefits everyone.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey everybody, look who's here! You remember my grandmother!
Rachel Green: Big night!
Phoebe Buffay: This is so cool!
Chandler Bing: So, Joey on Law & Order, you must be very proud!
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, she doesn't understand a word of English.
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry, I thought you were Joey's other grandmother. I've done it again.
Joey Tribbiani: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I uh weighted like 27 pounds when I was born so...
Monica Geller: Hey! Happy Anniversary!
Chandler Bing: Happy Anniversary, 10 months!
Monica Geller: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London...
Chandler Bing: Uhh, Joey's grandmother is right there.
Monica Geller: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
Chandler Bing: The one that doesn't.
Monica Geller: That was some hot love you gave me! I'm gonna go get ready.
Chandler Bing: Hey, why don't you wear those earrings I gave you?
Monica Geller: That's a great idea! I was saving them for something special.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Monica Geller: You have got to go home!
Phoebe Buffay: But I like it here!
Monica Geller: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, well I think that they're in my purse. Why don't you go get dressed and I'll look for them.
Monica Geller: Great!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay! Rach, hi, I need those earrings you borrowed.
Rachel Green: Oh, umm, okay, yeah, I'll be, yeah I'll be right back.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow Pheebs, you speak Italian?
Phoebe Buffay: I guess so.
Rachel Green: Here you go. Thank you!
Phoebe Buffay: Wait, Rach! Where's the other one?
Rachel Green: Oh what, you-you want both of them?
Phoebe Buffay: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
Rachel Green: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, what am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight!
Rachel Green: Tell her to wear her own earrings.
Phoebe Buffay: These are her earrings.
Rachel Green: Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!
Phoebe Buffay: Why not?
Rachel Green: Because I lose her stuff!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, see that blind guy right there? I'm gonna bash his head in later.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up.
Chandler Bing: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Monica Geller: Rach? What are you doing?
Rachel Green: Oh boy, I just can't watch. It's too scary!
Monica Geller: It's a diaper commercial.
Rachel Green: Oh yeah well, you know me, babies, responsibilities, ahhh!!!
Caitlin: Pizza delivery!
Ross Geller: I'll get it! I will get that!
Caitlin: Hi!
Ross Geller: Hi!
Caitlin: One uh, vegetarian pizza. That's $12.15.
Ross Geller: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Caitlin: What?!
Ross Geller: The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Oh. Thanks.
Ross Geller: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Chandler Bing: Here you go. Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try.
Chandler Bing: You're welcome.
Ross Geller: You couldn't let me have her, could ya?!
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: This is a girl that I really like and had too swoop in there!
Monica Geller: What's goin' on?
Ross Geller: Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl!
Chandler Bing: Thank you for that! I was not flirting.
Monica Geller: It's okay. I don't care. It's uh, it's fine.
Ross Geller: Really?!
Chandler Bing: Really?!
Monica Geller: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Chandler Bing: So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Monica Geller: Sure! It doesn't mean anything! Just like I know it doesn't mean anything with you!
Chandler Bing: Okay, but there is a big difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Joey Tribbiani: True story!
Monica Geller: Chandler, this actually bothers you?
Chandler Bing: Yes, it does bother me! And I think it would bother a lot of people. Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Rachel Green: Uhh, no, no, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
Ross Geller: And thank you, for that.
Rachel Green: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Ross Geller: What? What-what, what are talking about? It-it worked with you.
Rachel Green: Oh! Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bamn nine years later you had me!
Ross Geller: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you-I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! And not the one on the menu!
Phoebe Buffay: I found it!
Rachel Green: Ohh! Thank God! Where was it?
Phoebe Buffay: On your dresser.
Rachel Green: Okay that is the one we already have!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! Oh my God.
Monica Geller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, everybody just keep smiling. It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out.
Chandler Bing: Well, what is it?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, they cut me out of the show.
Rachel Green: What?!
Ross Geller: Are you sure?
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe your scene's coming up?
Joey Tribbiani: Not likely. 'Cause you see that body bag right there
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm in it.
Phoebe Buffay: This is terrible, what are you going to do?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Phoebe Buffay: That's not good.
Joey Tribbiani: No, smile! Not that face, smile! Everybody smile!
Rachel Green: Joey, why don't you just tell her what happened? It's not your fault.
Chandler Bing: If we keep talking this way, aren't we gonna freak her out soon?
Grandma Tribbiani:
Joey Tribbiani: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am!
Grandma Tribbiani: No! Sam Waterston!
Joey Tribbiani: No-no-no, that-that's me, that's me.
Grandma Tribbiani: No, it's Sam Waterston! Crimes and Misdemeanors, Capricorn One.
Chandler Bing: Doesn't know, "Hello." But she knows Capricorn One.
Monica Geller: Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Phoebe Buffay: But I already gave them back to you!
Monica Geller: No you didn't.
Phoebe Buffay: All right, I already didn't give them back to you, that's what I said. Where is that other earring?
Rachel Green: It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay!
Phoebe Buffay: Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box.
Rachel Green: Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, we have like ten minutes. Do you want me to get into that now?!
Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Why are you being weird?
Ross Geller: Do you like it?
Phoebe Buffay: No, that would be, "Why are you being cute?"
Ross Geller: Okay, I'm working on my flirting.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh! I did not get that.
Chandler Bing: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
Monica Geller: Yeah, it's good.
Chandler Bing: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Monica Geller: Chandler! Okay, let me get this straight, it's okay for you to flirt, but not for me.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm so glad we cleared that up. Look, I'm sorry, some things are different for men and for women.
Monica Geller: Go on, teach me something about men and women.
Chandler Bing: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica Geller: No way!
Chandler Bing: It's true.
Monica Geller: Well that's pathetic!
Chandler Bing: Again true.
Monica Geller: And this goes for all guys?
Chandler Bing: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey Tribbiani: All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Ross Geller: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like ten minutes left!
Joey Tribbiani: I know, I know! What am I going to do? Ooh!
Monica Geller: No! You are not gonna run out and leave her here!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, all right. Ooh!
Grandma Tribbiani: Joey!
Chandler Bing: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. So, you're old and small.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Did you find it?
Rachel Green: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, those are my sunglasses, you borrowed them from me.
Rachel Green: Okay, calm down, here they are.
Monica Geller: Phoebe!
Phoebe Buffay: What are we going to do?!
Rachel Green: I don't know, I don't know.
Phoebe Buffay: All right well, we're just gonna have to tell Monica, that's all.
Rachel Green: Oh gosh, she's going to kill me.
Phoebe Buffay: I suppose I could tell her it's just all my fault.
Rachel Green: Ohh that'd be great!
Phoebe Buffay: Mon, can I talk to you for a sec?
Monica Geller: Yeah, what is it?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!
Monica Geller: Wow! All right well, I mean, what can you do? If you lost it you lost it.
Phoebe Buffay: I will replace it, I promise. I feel so terrible.
Monica Geller: All right, sweetie that's fine. You didn't do it on purpose.
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Monica Geller: Look at you! Come here! Feel better?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! You're the best!
Rachel Green: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too.
Monica Geller: That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Rachel Green: Your sunglasses?!
Monica Geller: Yes!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, right!
Caitlin: Pizza!
Ross Geller: Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Chandler Bing: Okay, hold on. Okay.
Rachel Green: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to...
Ross Geller: You'll see. Okay. Oh, what's-what's her name?
Everyone: Caitlin!
Grandma Tribbiani: Caitlin!
Ross Geller: Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this.
Caitlin: It's uh, $12.50.
Ross Geller: Okay, so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Caitlin: No actually umm, I think that they're umm, gas.
Ross Geller: Gas? Wow! Intense.
Chandler Bing: If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Ross Geller: Hey uh, y'know that smell gas has?
Caitlin: Yeah.
Ross Geller: They put that in.
Caitlin: What?!
Ross Geller: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Caitlin: Well okay!
Ross Geller: A lot of other gas smells...
Chandler Bing: Oh the humanity.
Ross Geller: Meth-methane smells...
Caitlin: Y'know what umm, actually I, I really, I should go.
Ross Geller: Oh but I-I-I haven't paid you yet!
Caitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me!
Ross Geller: Was I talking to her about gas?
Chandler Bing: More so than anything else.
Phoebe Buffay: I-I-I found it interesting.
Rachel Green: I'm sorry.
Ross Geller: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there.
Rachel Green: Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes.
Phoebe Buffay: Ross?
Ross Geller: Yeah?
Phoebe Buffay: What else do they add smell too?
Rachel Green: Hey! Hey! Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?
Caitlin: Oh, is there a problem?
Rachel Green: No. No. Every thing's-they're fine. Great pizza. But it's uh, actually umm my friend Ross. He uh, just gets really nervous when he's flirting.
Caitlin: Oh my God! That was flirting?!
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Caitlin: Wow!
Rachel Green: I know, I know, but uh just, I'm telling you, once, once you get past that part, that where it-it just feels like you wanna die, he's-he's really a good person.
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?!
Rachel Green: Yeah. I'm-I'm telling you he's really sweet and he's really funny and he's just ugh, got a good heart. And besides, I y'know, I think he really likes you.
Caitlin: Really?!
Rachel Green: Well y'know, we have 7 people and like 10 pizzas, what do you think?
Caitlin: I just, I thought Joey was there.
Rachel Green: Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Ross Geller: What do you mean?
Rachel Green: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number.
Ross Geller: And she just gave you this?
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Ross Geller: Rach, thanks but uh, I don't need you doing me any favors.
Rachel Green: I-I-I didn't! I didn't! She thought you were cute.
Ross Geller: Well that I can believe.
Rachel Green: Yay!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! Is the show still on?
Chandler Bing: Almost over man.
Joey Tribbiani: Look! Oh! Is that the Pope?!
Chandler Bing: Why am I looking?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, here I am, here's my big scene!
Joey Tribbiani: All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Grandma Tribbiani: Oh Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: That's right!
Chandler Bing: You couldn't have at least changed your shirt.
Joey Tribbiani: Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. Choo! Choo! Choo! Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it... Choo!! And if I don't get it, I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no!
Joey Tribbiani: I'm comin' out!
Ross Geller: And she's supposed to buy this?!
Grandma Tribbiani: Joey, bravo!
Chandler Bing: Ground control to Major Tom! Commencing countdown...engines...on!
Joey Tribbiani: That's uh, scenes from next week's show. Next week's!
Phoebe Buffay: I am definitely gonna watch that!
Monica Geller: What about these? These look the same?
Phoebe Buffay: Definitely!
Monica Geller: Not as each other!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, then no.
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hi!
Chandler Bing: You ready?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Monica Geller: Ohh, you're about to get a little luckier.
Chandler Bing: Let me see the earrings.
Monica Geller: Oh, honey, the earrings...
Chandler Bing: They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Monica Geller: My boyfriend really does have good taste!
Chandler Bing: Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
Ross Geller: Hm-mmm.


Monica Geller: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, yeah, good idea.
Chandler Bing: Hey man, what's up?
Ross Geller: Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, Ross, look! Look!
Ross Geller: What? Where?
Joey Tribbiani: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look!
Ross Geller: What am I looking at?
Joey Tribbiani: Somebody help me out here!
Phoebe Buffay: Hey!
Gary: Hello!
Monica Geller: Hey!
Gary: How are you?
Phoebe Buffay: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Joey Tribbiani: You got to go on a ride along?!
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!
Joey Tribbiani: I want to go on a ride along!
Ross Geller: Me too!
Gary: Okay!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, yeah! Me too!
Gary: Really?! You?
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Gary: Well, it's kinda dangerous.
Chandler Bing: Well, I like danger.
Gary: Okay, you guys free tonight?
Chandler Bing: Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime.
Rachel Green: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you're home, I thought tonight we could finally organize these photos!
Rachel Green: Ohh, thank God! Finally!
Monica Geller: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know... And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See?
Rachel Green: Ohh, it's me and La Poo! Wow! I miss that dog.
Monica Geller: You can also find him under umm, dog and dead.
Rachel Green: Great! Thanks!
Monica Geller: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Rachel Green: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh?
Monica Geller: I hadn't! Photo 152 was a prototype.
Rachel Green: Ohhhh. Honey, honey, honey, it's okay, it's okay honey. I'm gonna fix you a drink, huh? Maybe a margarita?
Ross Geller: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Rachel Green: No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready.
Monica Geller: All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash.
Rachel Green: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
Monica Geller: Nah, while you're at Ross's if you see any lying around...
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: What?! I-I-I don't, I don't do that!
Ross Geller: That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy.
Chandler Bing: It is starting to get dark out there.
Ross Geller: He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him!
Gary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.
Chandler Bing: Okay. But it is officially nighttime.
Ross Geller: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Gary: It's called the cherry.
Ross Geller: It's the-Chandler!!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Gary: Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-ho, yeah!
Gary: Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce?
Joey Tribbiani: Yep!
Gary: Yeah, you can't eat that in my car.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah okay. Even though my tax dollars paid for this car.
Chandler Bing: Your tax dollars?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, okay.
Chandler Bing: Wow! That sandwich really does smell good.
Joey Tribbiani: Did I say you could smell it?!
Chandler Bing: I can't smell your sandwich?
Joey Tribbiani: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness!
Chandler Bing: Okay, I'll give them back. Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: Are you thinking about Monica?
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's that like?
Rachel Green: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?!
Monica Geller: Rach! It's me! Pick up!
Rachel Green: Hey! What's up?!
Monica Geller: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.
Rachel Green: So all we have is ice?
Monica Geller: See if he has ice.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Emily Waltham: Hello Ross? It's Emily. I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Rachel Green: Oh. Oh!
Ross Geller: So where are we going next?
Gary: This witness won't return my calls so we're gonna see if we can surprise him coming home.
Chandler Bing: Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we?
Joey Tribbiani: Come on man! Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Gary: It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that!
Ross Geller: Yeah, no one talks like that!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh what? Like your Mr. Cop!
Ross Geller: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!
Chandler Bing: How do you figure that?
Ross Geller: Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner!
Chandler Bing: Y'know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It, it sounds gay.
Ross Geller: Umm, jealous!
Gary: Hey, do you mind? We're under cover here.
Ross Geller: Yeah, no problem.
Gary: Ross!
Ross Geller: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, there! Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home!
Chandler Bing: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, what's up with that Serpico?
Emily Waltham: Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Monica Geller: Nooo!
Rachel Green: I know!
Monica Geller: Well thank God you were here! I mean, we have to erase that!
Rachel Green: What?! We can't do that!
Monica Geller: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Rachel Green: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesn't give us the right to erase his message!
Monica Geller: I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesn't that give me the right to control him-help him?
Rachel Green: I don't think he's the one who needs help.
Monica Geller: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Rachel Green: Ugh!
Monica Geller: Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him.
Rachel Green: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen!
Answering Machine: Your messages have been erased.
Rachel Green: Noooooooo!
Chandler Bing: Okay, y'know, we-we're safe right? I mean nothing bad can go down!
Gary: No. But that reminds me, sign this.
Ross Geller: What is it?
Gary: Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off.
Chandler Bing: Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.
Gary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?!
Ross Geller: What? What? What? What is it?
Joey Tribbiani: Is everything okay?
Chandler Bing: What's going on?
Gary: Okay, he sees us. Now don't move. Don't look at him.
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
Joey Tribbiani: You okay man?
Ross Geller: Uh-huh. Thank Joey!
Chandler Bing: Uh, HELLO!!
Joey Tribbiani: Hi.
Monica Geller: All right, I guess we should go.
Rachel Green: No, wait. Wait.
Monica Geller: Oh yeah right!
Rachel Green: No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this!
Monica Geller: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message!
Rachel Green: Yeah well unless we tell him.
Monica Geller: Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you! All right? Fine, if you wanna tell him, tell him. I just don't want to be a part of it.
Rachel Green: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.
Ross Geller: Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye!
Monica Geller: Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away!
Rachel Green: Right?
Gary: Hey, anybody want to meet a hero?
Phoebe Buffay: John Glenn is here?!
Gary: No, Joey!
Ross Geller: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car...
Gary: Wait! Hold on! Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi!
Gary: Okay, go ahead.
Ross Geller: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Phoebe Buffay: My God, Joey!
Chandler Bing: It was a car backfire!
Ross Geller: Yeah, but-but he didn't know that!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I didn't know that.
Ross Geller: And it could've just as easily have been a bullet.
Gary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.
Chandler Bing: Who jumps at loud noises!
Ross Geller: Wow! I could've died tonight.
Chandler Bing: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life.
Ross Geller: I do have a newfound respect for life.
Chandler Bing: Oh my God!
Gary: So you wanna get some dinner?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Sure! Yep! Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you.
Gary: Oh yeah? Well maybe you and I should take a walk through a bad neighborhood.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay!
Gary: All right.
Phoebe Buffay: Bye!
Joey Tribbiani: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!
Joey Tribbiani: Dude! How come you took off?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever...
Joey Tribbiani: Is something wrong?
Chandler Bing: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay.
Chandler Bing: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!
Joey Tribbiani: That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross!
Chandler Bing: I do not hate Ross!
Joey Tribbiani: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Chandler Bing: What picture?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing!
Chandler Bing: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Joey Tribbiani: Ohh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you! No! I...knew...you could take care of yourself. Y'know, I mean Ross, he need help. He's not street like us!
Chandler Bing: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, no, not exactly! All right, look, I, I wasn't trying to save Ross. Okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was, I was trying to save my sandwich.
Chandler Bing: From a bullet!
Joey Tribbiani: I know it doesn't make much sense...
Chandler Bing: Much sense?!
Joey Tribbiani: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it!
Chandler Bing: So you risked your life, for a sandwich!
Joey Tribbiani: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler Bing: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Joey Tribbiani: No! I would never do that! You-you're like my brother!
Chandler Bing: Really?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, here.
Chandler Bing: Thanks.
Joey Tribbiani: No, eh, oh-oi, easy, it's not a hot dog!
Joey Tribbiani: How good is that?
Chandler Bing: Oh-oi-ho, yeah!
Joey Tribbiani: See?
Chandler Bing: Hm-hmm.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what are you doing?!
Chandler Bing: I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. With a bite! Gee-e-e-eez!
Rachel Green: Hey! Hi!
Ross Geller: Rach, what uh, what are you doing here?
Rachel Green: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Ross Geller: Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh!
Rachel Green: Okay, just a little scared. What's going on Ross?
Ross Geller: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!
Rachel Green: What?! What? What happened?!
Ross Geller: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Ross Geller: And somebody took a shot at me!
Rachel Green: Really?!
Ross Geller: No, a car backfired, but I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I...I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now.
Rachel Green: Because a car backfired?
Ross Geller: Okay, why are you here?
Rachel Green: Well, I-I-I don't know how this fits into your whole "seizing" thing but um, Emily called you today.
Ross Geller: You talked to her?
Rachel Green: No, she left a message. But it-it kinda got erased. There's just something wrong with your machine.
Ross Geller: Well, okay, what-what did she say?
Rachel Green: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.
Ross Geller: Wow!
Rachel Green: Now, that-that was a good thing that I told you, right?
Ross Geller: Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course!
Rachel Green: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! Because-I'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want me-not important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. Your decision.
Ross Geller: Right. I guess, I guess I should call Emily.
Rachel Green: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?
Ross Geller: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Rachel Green: Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience!
Ross Geller: You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know?
Rachel Green: Okay, y'know what? Maybe, this is not about seizing stuff. Maybe this is about escaping stuff.
Ross Geller: Huh.
Rachel Green: I mean, look-look today you escaped death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily?
Ross Geller: That does make sense. Because I do wanna seize some opportunity, but I-I really don't wanna see or talk to her.
Rachel Green: Well, there you go!
Ross Geller: Yeah. Maybe today is just, close call day.
Rachel Green: Close call day.
Ross Geller: Hey, thanks Rach.
Rachel Green: Ohh, honey no problem. Okay.
Ross Geller: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
Rachel Green: Oh?
Ross Geller: "Hey Ross, it's you!" Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
Rachel Green: No.
Ross Geller: Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
Rachel Green: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I want my money back.
Rachel Green: Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?
Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.
Ross Geller: I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something.
Monica Geller: Man, I would be great in a war! I mean, I really, I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean I know I would make General way before any of you guys.
Chandler Bing: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?
Ross Geller: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us.
Chandler Bing: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, hero sandwiches.
Phoebe Buffay: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. Not you Joey.


Gary: Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll?
Phoebe Buffay: I'm fine, thanks.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, see, I can't pull of baby-doll can I?
Monica Geller: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.
Chandler Bing: Okay.
Chandler Bing: Hiya doin' pumpkin?
Phoebe Buffay: Nope.
Monica Geller: So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh?
Gary: I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me.
Monica Geller: Oh my God!
Gary: What do you, what do you think?
Monica Geller: I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her?
Gary: Tonight, but don't say anything. Okay?
Monica Geller: I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! Sorry, just couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do not get her flowers. Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral...
Gary: I'll see you after work sweetie.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Bye!
Phoebe Buffay: So, what movie should we see?
Monica Geller: Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him!!
Phoebe Buffay: What?! Really?!
Monica Geller: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe this!
Chandler Bing: Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's fast!
Monica Geller: Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you!
Chandler Bing: Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go!
Phoebe Buffay: No, but it is fast. Isn't it?
Monica Geller: Ohhhh!
Phoebe Buffay: No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!
Chandler Bing: So, what are you gonna do?
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know. I'll just handle it-I'll ask you to talk to him!
Chandler Bing: Me?! Why me?
Phoebe Buffay: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a...man!
Chandler Bing: I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.
Monica Geller: That is so sweet!
Chandler Bing: Still terrified, I'll take care of it. No problem.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?
Ross Geller: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.
Joey Tribbiani: Ohhh. I thought it was like Long Island.
Ross Geller: Also an island.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, what time is it?
Ross Geller: 2:17.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
Ross Geller: Are you serious?!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Ross Geller: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
Rachel Green: Hey, you guys...
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Rachel Green: Is Monica here?
Rachel Green: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
Ross Geller: You bought Shawn Cassidy!
Rachel Green: Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready?
Rachel Green: Okay! Check it out!
Ross Geller: What-what is it?!
Joey Tribbiani: What the hell is that?!!
Rachel Green: It's a, it's a cat!
Joey Tribbiani: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Rachel Green: Yes it is!
Ross Geller: Why is it inside out?!
Rachel Green: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Ross Geller: How much did you pay for that?
Rachel Green: Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.
Ross Geller: Yeah? How much?
Rachel Green: A thousand bucks.
Ross Geller: ON A CAT??!!!!
Joey Tribbiani: It's not a cat!
Rachel Green: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Ross Geller: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Joey Tribbiani: It's not a cat!
Rachel Green: Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!
Ross Geller: Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Uhh, the ball thing.
Ross Geller: Yeah?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross Geller: Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh-oh.
Ross Geller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!
Joey Tribbiani: Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it!
Ross Geller: I know! Don't switch hands, okay?
Chandler Bing: Hey ladies! What are you in here for?
Gary: Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?
Chandler Bing: Gary, I'm here to report a crime.
Gary: Yeah?
Chandler Bing: It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.
Gary: What's up?
Chandler Bing: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Gary: Sure. Okay.
Chandler Bing: Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two are gonna be y'know, live-living together!
Gary: Yeah, I-I considered that. I just know it would make me happy.
Chandler Bing: You mean scared.
Gary: No, I mean happy.
Chandler Bing: Scared? Happy?
Gary: Chandler, what-what are you doing?
Chandler Bing: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Gary: I know! I can't wait!
Chandler Bing: Were you're parents happy, or something?
Gary: Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find someone that I really love. I just-I wanna be around her as much as I can.
Chandler Bing: Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.
Gary: So you know what I'm talking about, right?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!
Gary: No, it's too soon for you guys.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, you're right about that.
Ross Geller: ...now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
Joey Tribbiani: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.
Monica Geller: Hey guys!
Joey Tribbiani: Hi!
Monica Geller: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. It was right here, where is it?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know.
Monica Geller: All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!
Ross Geller: How do you know? You don't have a watch.
Monica Geller: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I don't know... Yeah, can't do it.
Monica Geller: What?!
Ross Geller: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in...
Ross Geller: 2 hours, 27 minutes.
Monica Geller: Really?!
Monica Geller: I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. Yes!! Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not.
Ross Geller: Hey Rach!
Rachel Green: Hey.
Ross Geller: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!
Rachel Green: Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.
Monica Geller: Rach?
Rachel Green: Yeah?
Monica Geller: You have scratches all over you, what happened?
Rachel Green: Well, it's my cat.
Monica Geller: What?!
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, I got a cat.
Monica Geller: I don't want a cat!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.
Ross Geller: Yeah.
Rachel Green: You guys this cat is nothing like my grandmother's cat. I mean, it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"
Ross Geller: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
Monica Geller: What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me 300!!
Rachel Green: Well, I was gonna let you play with it.
Chandler Bing: Hi!
Phoebe Buffay: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Chandler Bing: Yes I did, and I think you should do it.
Phoebe Buffay: What?!
Chandler Bing: He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky lady.
Phoebe Buffay: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry. If you ask me, I'd move in with him.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh!! God! Ooh! Get out of here, good for nothing.
Gary: Hey Chandler.
Chandler Bing: Hey Gar!
Gary: Hi sweetie. Hi, can I talk to you for a second?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah! Okay.
Gary: You look very pretty today.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks! Okay.
Gary: Here's the thing.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Gary: Y'know I really want to move this relationship forward.
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.
Gary: Because if you're not moving forward, y'know you're just moving backwards.
Phoebe Buffay: No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying still. And staying still is good. Watch this.
Gary: Phoebe?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Gary: I want you to move in with me.
Phoebe Buffay: That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean there's so much we don't know about each other.
Gary: Oh. Oh-oh-okay, I get it.
Phoebe Buffay: I just-I don't want us to jump into something we're not ready for.
Gary: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Buffay: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm just-I'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Gary: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: Which is why my answer is yes!
Gary: Really?!
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh! I'm so...happy.
Ross Geller: Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
Chandler Bing: Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?
Joey Tribbiani: That's right baby.
Chandler Bing: All right, let me in.
Monica Geller: No-no! Don't do it! Don't!
Chandler Bing: What?
Monica Geller: He's a dropper!
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah, that's right!
Chandler Bing: I'm not a dropper!
Ross Geller: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
Chandler Bing: It's throwing and catching!
Ross Geller: All right.
Chandler Bing: Oh! Oh! That's so hard.
Joey Tribbiani: Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!
Monica Geller: Oh my-Oh good God!
Rachel Green: I give up you guys, I don't know what I'm going to do with this thing!
Ross Geller: Baking it didn't help, huh?
Monica Geller: So, why don't you just take it back to where you got it?
Rachel Green: I tried! They won't take her back.
Chandler Bing: Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.
Monica Geller: Rach, why won't they take it back?
Rachel Green: Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?
Monica Geller: Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what to do with it.
Rachel Green: No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand!
Monica Geller: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.
Everyone: Hey!
Gary: We have great news!
Phoebe Buffay: We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay!
Everyone: Congratulations! Congrats!
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I'm so excited!
Gary: So am I!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the most excited!
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!
Gary: All right.
Monica Geller: So you're moving in with him. What happened?
Phoebe Buffay: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Monica Geller: Why, do you write him a lot?
Phoebe Buffay: No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of stamps. Don't they?
Everyone: Yeah! That's right. Yeah-yeah! Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.
Gary: Hey, honey! Okay, so did you find any apartments? Anything in Brooklyn Heights?
Phoebe Buffay: No, nothing.
Gary: Oh really?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
Gary: Nothing at all?
Phoebe Buffay: No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't have a pool, I need a pool.
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh!
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I feel great. 'Cause we're moving in together.
Gary: So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right? You-you checked the Post?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. Can I get some water?
Gary: In a minute. You-you checked today's Post?
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, yeah! Today's.
Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post and uh, these are the listings I found. Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn Heights!
Phoebe Buffay: Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes. Yes! Fine! I am someone! You want me to say it? I have doubts! I'm sorry!
Gary: Phoebe...
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah?
Gary: Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it is soon. And there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both our names on the mailbox.
Phoebe Buffay: That's so sweet.
Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I just-I want you to be happy
Phoebe Buffay: Living with you would make me happy.
Gary: Phoebe, you don't have to say that.
Phoebe Buffay: No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you!
Gary: Are you sure?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in!
Gary: Oh that's great!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, which was never!
Rachel Green: Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat!
Woman No. 1: Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!
Rachel Green: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Woman No. 1: Eew! It's creepy looking!
Rachel Green: Oh no! No! It's actually-it's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look! Yeah, do you want it?
Woman No. 1: No, I hate cats.
Rachel Green: Well, so then what are you doing to me? Okay? Just get out of here! All right? Move on!
Woman No. 2: Wow! What an unusual cat!
Rachel Green: Yes! Thank you! Exactly! You want it?
Woman No. 2: Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go to the shelter but... Okay, why not?
Rachel Green: Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000.
Woman No. 2: What?!
Rachel Green: Okay, a thousand.
Woman No. 2: I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.
Rachel Green: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.
Woman No. 2: Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat.
Rachel Green: Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! Damnit! Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
Ross Geller: I'm starving!
Monica Geller: Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check time!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We invented this game!
Monica Geller: Please! I made this game what it is.
Chandler Bing: Not fun anymore?
Ross Geller: I'm still hungry!
Monica Geller: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?
Ross Geller: I am!
Monica Geller: All right! Let's go! Let's go Team Monica! All right, we can work out the name later.
Monica Geller: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
Rachel Green: It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. Oh, I uh sold Mrs. Whiskerson.
Ross Geller: Oh, thank God!
Joey Tribbiani: Did you get your money back?
Rachel Green: Yeah, 15 hundred dollars.
Monica Geller: Wow! You made a profit!
Gunther: I just came for the red-velvet pillow.
Rachel Green: Oh yeah, there you go.
Gunther: Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime you want.
Rachel Green: Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind.
Gunther: Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?
Gary: I really like waking up with you.
Phoebe Buffay: I like waking up with you too. Oh! It's such a beautiful morning. Oh, I can stay here all day.
Gary: That would be great!
Phoebe Buffay: We could have breakfast in bed...
Gary: Wait, just a second.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay. Oh! Oh no.
Monica Geller: All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh good, you're all up.
Rachel Green: Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, that's over.
Everyone: What?!
Chandler Bing: Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can work it out!
Phoebe Buffay: He shot a bird!
Chandler Bing: Oh that is over!
Everyone: That's terrible! I'm sorry!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, are you okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh hey, here Pheebs.
Phoebe Buffay: Nah, I don't feel like playing.
Monica Geller: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
Everyone: All right. Okay. I'm starving!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah!
Monica Geller: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha!
Chandler Bing: You guys wanna eat here?
Everyone: Yeah! As long as we're here!
Joey Tribbiani: Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball around?
Rachel Green: Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long.
Ross Geller: I know. My arm is killing me.
Rachel Green: No, I meant with the dropper over here.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper.


Ross Geller: What's going on?
Rachel Green: Well, my eye is a little itchy.
Joey Tribbiani: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.
Monica Geller: Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor.
Rachel Green: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!
Chandler Bing: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!
Monica Geller: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!
Chandler Bing: Okay, so Richard, Richard!
Monica Geller: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.
Rachel Green: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor!
Ross Geller: Oh God, here we go!
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch!
Rachel Green: Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine-Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Everyone: All right, fine.
Monica Geller: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I?
Rachel Green: Monica! Come on!
Ross Geller: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I?
Rachel Green: Ross! Stop it! Come on!
Chandler Bing: How much did I love The King and I?
Rachel Green: Chandler!
Joey Tribbiani: Me too! Me too! Me too!
Rachel Green: Just stop it! Come on!
Chandler Bing: You okay there man?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, I got too excited!
Ross Geller: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!
Ross Geller: All right, bye!
Monica Geller: Bye!
Phoebe Buffay: Bye!
Ross Geller: Later!
Phoebe Buffay: I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!
Chandler Bing: Wow umm, calm down.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons!
Monica Geller: Why are so mad at him?
Phoebe Buffay: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?
Monica Geller: Well, it just seems that...
Phoebe Buffay: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?
Chandler Bing: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler Bing: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey Tribbiani: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears... But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Phoebe Buffay: Ohh-oh, chilling!
Joey Tribbiani: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! And you know what that means buddy!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I know that means buddy!
Joey Tribbiani: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.
Chandler Bing: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.
Phoebe Buffay: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.
Joey Tribbiani: All right! Thanks Pheebs!
Chandler Bing: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh umm, not go.
Chandler Bing: All right, great, road trip baby! This okay with you?
Monica Geller: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. You can go.
Chandler Bing: Thank you.
Monica Geller: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!
Rachel Green: All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! Ohhh! No! Look what I did! Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Monica Geller: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! Chandler!!!!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh hey Joey! What's up?
Joey Tribbiani: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I've been around.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Joey Tribbiani: Great! Problem solved!
Phoebe Buffay: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, back to square one.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.
Joey Tribbiani: Yes!
Phoebe Buffay: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?
Joey Tribbiani: Peanut butter!
Phoebe Buffay: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?
Joey Tribbiani: A swimmer!
Phoebe Buffay: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Joey Tribbiani: Monica. Oh... huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
Phoebe Buffay: No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot?
Joey Tribbiani: Ascot!
Phoebe Buffay: North route or south route?
Joey Tribbiani: North route!
Phoebe Buffay: Bamn! There you go! Huh?
Joey Tribbiani: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, this guy again.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey man, what's up?
Ross Geller: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
Joey Tribbiani: Sure, what do you want to see?
Ross Geller: I don't know, umm...
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!
Phoebe Buffay: Umm, no thank you.
Ross Geller: What's with her?
Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Ross Geller: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: What do you like better action or comedy?
Ross Geller: Action.
Joey Tribbiani: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Ross Geller: Dude, you are sick.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! What does that thing do?
Monica Geller: Oh that's an eye removal machine.
Rachel Green: All right, I'm outta here!
Monica Geller: I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
The Doctor: Hi Rachel!
Rachel Green: Hey!
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Rachel Green: So were done then!
Dr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Rachel Green: Uh-huh.
Dr. Miller: Sit down.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Rachel Green: What?!
Monica Geller: A small puff of air, now come on!
Dr. Miller: Here we go.
Rachel Green: All right.
Dr. Miller: 1...2...3!
Rachel Green: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. Okay.
Dr. Miller: Ready?
Rachel Green: Uh-huh.
Dr. Miller: 1...2...
Monica Geller: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Dr. Miller: That's okay.
Monica Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay. Okay!
Dr. Miller: 1...2! Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
Rachel Green: Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir-Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy!
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Rachel Green: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Rachel Green: Great!
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Rachel Green: Okay, just give me the damn drops!
Monica Geller: Dr. Miller? P E C F D.
Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.
Monica Geller: I sure do! And you don't get one!
Rachel Green: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.
Monica Geller: They're still in my coat.
Rachel Green: Damn!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey! You ready to go?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?
Chandler Bing: What?
Monica Geller: I love you.
Joey Tribbiani: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!
Chandler Bing: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler Bing: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Chandler Bing: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Joey Tribbiani: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Ross Geller: Hey!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey!
Ross Geller: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.
Joey Tribbiani: You got it!
Ross Geller: All right!
Chandler Bing: All right, bye-bye now!
Phoebe Buffay: Bye!
Rachel Green: Bye you guys!
Joey Tribbiani: Bye-bye!
Monica Geller: I wanna say good-bye at the car!
Chandler Bing: Okay!
Joey Tribbiani: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Rachel Green: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.
Joey Tribbiani: See ya!
Rachel Green: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing!
Ross Geller: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? Pheebs? Hello? Phoebe? Phoe-Phoebe! Come on!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.
Ross Geller: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, if you don't know I can't help you.
Ross Geller: Well, I don't know.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I can't help you.
Ross Geller: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Apology accepted.
Ross Geller: Okay. So we're, we're good?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.
Ross Geller: All right. I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Bye, fat ass.
Ross Geller: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Phoebe Buffay: I don't know! I don't remember!
Ross Geller: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
Joey Tribbiani: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.
Chandler Bing: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Joey Tribbiani: Don't worry, it's out there! I think I just need lunch.
Chandler Bing: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: You wanna eat? My treat!
Chandler Bing: Isn't that Ross's money?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?
Chandler Bing: I don't know.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Chandler Bing: Okay!
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?
Chandler Bing: Too dry.
Joey Tribbiani: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?
Chandler Bing: No!
Joey Tribbiani: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
Chandler Bing: No!
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Chandler Bing: Yes.
Joey Tribbiani: Dude you said, "No!"
Chandler Bing: I also said, "Yes!"
Joey Tribbiani: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Chandler Bing: No! Ahhh!!!
Joey Tribbiani: I don't believe this!
Chandler Bing: Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.
Joey Tribbiani: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler Bing: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Chandler Bing: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Joey Tribbiani: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Chandler Bing: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?
Joey Tribbiani: Not if you're gonna be like this!
Chandler Bing: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
Chandler Bing: All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!
Joey Tribbiani: Fine! Get out!
Chandler Bing: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Joey Tribbiani: Get out!!
Chandler Bing: All right!! Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.
Ross Geller: Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
Phoebe Buffay: No.
Ross Geller: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Phoebe Buffay: No that made me feel precious.
Monica Geller: Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!
Ross Geller: Yeah? Sometimes it's...
Rachel Green: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Ross Geller: Okay, I'm the baby.
Rachel Green: Eh! Stop it!
Chandler Bing: Hey!
Monica Geller: Chandler! What are you doing here?
Ross Geller: Hey!
Chandler Bing: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
Everyone: Why?!
Chandler Bing: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Phoebe Buffay: That game should not be played without my supervision.
Chandler Bing: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie-Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Phoebe Buffay: What's in the bag?
Chandler Bing: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Phoebe Buffay: I do!
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: Not even close.
Rachel Green: Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!
Monica Geller: Okay! All right! Let's do it!
Rachel Green: All right!
Monica Geller: Sit down.
Rachel Green: All right.
Monica Geller: Put your head back.
Rachel Green: Yes!
Monica Geller: All right.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: Now, open your eyes.
Rachel Green: Okay, they are.
Monica Geller: How many fingers am I holding up?
Rachel Green: Four.
Monica Geller: Oh my God, I was thinking four.
Rachel Green: Really?!
Monica Geller: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
Rachel Green: Okay!
Monica Geller: No drops!
Rachel Green: Great!
Monica Geller: Okay.
Rachel Green: Okay.
Monica Geller: On three, 1...2...3! Now my pillow's all wet!
Rachel Green: Well, well, you said it was practice!
Monica Geller: Then why did you move?!
Rachel Green: Because I knew you were lying!
Monica Geller: All right, come here!
Rachel Green: What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it!
Monica Geller: I am going... I'm going-Turn it over! I'm... I am going to get these drops in your eyes.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!
Rachel Green: Monica! Stop it!
Monica Geller: Damn! It's empty!
Rachel Green: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. Or-or Rachel!
Monica Geller: Hello? It's Joey. I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey Tribbiani: Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Monica Geller: What did you do to his sweater vests?
Joey Tribbiani: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Monica Geller: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, dude!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh that's my grandma. And thanks Joey she's having a really great time.
Chandler Bing: Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Phoebe Buffay: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering... Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?
Monica Geller: Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.
Chandler Bing: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could get a basket of porn...
Phoebe Buffay: No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn!
Chandler Bing: Really?
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
Ross Geller: Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-hmm.
Ross Geller: What do you like better flora or fauna?
Phoebe Buffay: Fauna.
Ross Geller: Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?
Phoebe Buffay: Garfunkle.
Ross Geller: Why are you mad at me?
Phoebe Buffay: You said I was boring-Ohh!
Ross Geller: When did I say you were boring?!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess!
Ross Geller: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.
Stanley: Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down.
Joey Tribbiani: Wh-what?! Why?!
Stanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.
Joey Tribbiani: You're kidding right?
Stanley: No.
Joey Tribbiani: What?!
Stanley: It-it's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get some more money soon, so if could just uh, hang out.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, hang out?! How long?
Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?
Joey Tribbiani: No!
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay?
The Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
The Grip: These got left for ya.
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks. Congratulations on your big break.
Monica Geller: Hello?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Monica, it's Joey!
Monica Geller: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!
Joey Tribbiani: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!
Monica Geller: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.
The Husband: Okay!
Joey Tribbiani: Everybody smile! Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! Kill me. Kill me now.
Ross Geller: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
Rachel Green: Yep!
Monica Geller: Go!!
Rachel Green: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!
Monica Geller: Okay! Okay! Okay! We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.
Rachel Green: Oh!