Rachel Green: Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Chandler Bing: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Phoebe Buffay: The exclamation point in the title scares me. Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
Ross Geller: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
Joey Tribbiani: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear.
Joey Tribbiani: All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
Rachel Green: God. I feel violated.
Monica Geller: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Chandler Bing: Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross Geller: Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler Bing: No, ten o'clock.
Ross Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross Geller: Oh. Hel-lo!
Chandler Bing: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Monica Geller: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler Bing: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Rachel Green: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
Chandler Bing: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Ross Geller: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
Chandler Bing: Thank you, buddy.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Monica Geller: You could do that!
Chandler Bing: Y'think?
Everyone: Yeah!
Chandler Bing: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
Ross Geller: C'mon! C'mon!
Chandler Bing: Here goes.
Aurora: ...Yes?
Chandler Bing: Hi... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh... ...hi.
Aurora: Yes, you said that.
Chandler Bing: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight.
Aurora: Chandler?
Everyone: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey Tribbiani: Whadja think?
Everyone: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
Everyone: Saw your head. Saw your head.
Chandler Bing: She said yes!! She said yes!! Awful play, man. Whoah. Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you.
Rachel Green: What is it?
Joey Tribbiani: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
Phoebe Buffay: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!
Chandler Bing: Hey, kids.
Everyone: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Chandler Bing: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Monica Geller: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?
Chandler Bing: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler Bing: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler Bing: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.
Joey Tribbiani: Who's Rick?
Chandler Bing: Who's Rick?
Aurora: My husband.
Everyone: Ooooohhh.
Chandler Bing: Oh, so you're divorced?
Aurora: No.
Chandler Bing: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Aurora: No, I'm still married.
Chandler Bing: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler Bing: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
Everyone: What?!
Chandler Bing: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual.
Chandler Bing: ...Hm.
Monica Geller: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler Bing: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica Geller: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler Bing: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross Geller: No, of course not! ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica Geller: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
Joey Tribbiani: I couldn't do it.
Monica Geller: Good for you, Joey.
Joey Tribbiani: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Ross Geller: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-
Ross Geller: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.
Monica Geller: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!
Everyone: Yeah! C'mon!
Ross Geller: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
Rachel Green: Tah-daaah!
Chandler Bing: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Rachel Green: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
Ross Geller: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Rachel Green: Well, whaddya think?
Everyone: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!
Monica Geller: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
Everyone: Uh-oh...
Monica Geller: How-how did that happen?
Rachel Green: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
Monica Geller: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler Bing: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
Ross Geller: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
Monica Geller: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
Ross Geller: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Monica Geller: Why not?
Ross Geller: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Monica Geller: I could do that.
Rachel Green: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Monica Geller: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Chandler Bing: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Monica Geller: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?
Ross Geller: Monica? You're Mom.
Phoebe Buffay: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Joey Tribbiani: Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! That was my agent. My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
Everyone: Oh my God! Whoah!
Monica Geller: Well, what's the part?
Joey Tribbiani: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Phoebe Buffay: Seriously, what-what's the part?
Joey Tribbiani: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
Ross Geller: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey Tribbiani: ...I'm his
Rachel Green: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?
Joey Tribbiani: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Monica Geller: Oh my God.
Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Chandler Bing: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness.
Joey Tribbiani: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross Geller: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Monica Geller: Alright, alright, alright...
Joey Tribbiani: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.
Monica Geller: For what?
Joey Tribbiani: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Monica Geller: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
Joey Tribbiani: Thank you!
Chandler Bing: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica Geller: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler Bing: C'mon, we're roommates! My eyes!! My eyes!!
Monica Geller: I warned you...
Rachel Green: Who is being loud?
Chandler Bing: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Monica Geller: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know..
Rachel Green: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?
Chandler Bing: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door?
Monica Geller: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
Director: ...Dammit, hire the girl! Okay, everybody ready?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Director: Lose the robe.
Joey Tribbiani: Me?
Director: That would work.
Joey Tribbiani: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. And the robe is lost.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working .. and... action.
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey Tribbiani: Well, I'm- I'm showering.
Director: No, that was clenching.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action...and cut. What was that?
Joey Tribbiani: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
Chandler Bing: God, I love these fingers...
Aurora: Thank you.
Chandler Bing: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Aurora: Oh my God, I'm late.
Chandler Bing: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go..
Aurora: Okay.
Chandler Bing: Don't go.
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Chandler Bing: Too bad, she's leaving.
Aurora: I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
Chandler Bing: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Aurora: It's not Rick.
Chandler Bing: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.
Chandler Bing: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Aurora: He's... new.
Chandler Bing: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..
Chandler Bing: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Aurora: So what do you want?
Chandler Bing: You.
Aurora: You have me!
Chandler Bing: Nono, just you.
Aurora: Whaddyou mean?
Chandler Bing: Lose the other guys.
Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them?
Chandler Bing: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.
Chandler Bing: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?
Chandler Bing: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Aurora: Which one?
Chandler Bing: ...The second guy.
Aurora: Well, call me if you change your mind.
Chandler Bing: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
Ross Geller: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?
Everyone: Hey!
Monica Geller: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Joey Tribbiani: Nope.
Ross Geller: No? What happened, big guy?
Chandler Bing: "Big guy?"
Ross Geller: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
Joey Tribbiani: I got fired.
Everyone: Oh!
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Rachel Green: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Joey Tribbiani: My mom will.
Chandler Bing: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.
Joey Tribbiani: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica Geller: Maybe this wasn't your shot.
Ross Geller: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?
Joey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, I was naked.
Phoebe Buffay: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah? That's so nice!
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
Everyone: Night.
Rachel Green: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?
Monica Geller: Uh-huh!
Rachel Green: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?
Monica Geller: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever.
Ross Geller: She is a kook.
Monica Geller: If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help!


Rachel Green: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. OK, thank you very much.
Chandler Bing: Oh, great. This is just...
Rachel Green: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
Monica Geller: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.
Rachel Green: Wow, you guys, this is big.
Monica Geller: Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK.
Phoebe Buffay: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. What's my number?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, I never call me.
Chandler Bing: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Jill Goodacre: Hi Mom, it's Jill.
Chandler Bing: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Jill Goodacre: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
Chandler Bing: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
Jill Goodacre: I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy.
Chandler Bing: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
Joey Tribbiani: Hi everyone.
Ross Geller: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.
Joey Tribbiani: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
Phoebe Buffay: Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
Rachel Green: That had to hurt!
Chandler Bing: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
Chandler Bing: There you go!
Chandler Bing: You're definitely scaring here.
Jill Goodacre: Would you like to call somebody?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks.
Monica Geller: Hello?
Chandler Bing: Hey, it's me.
Monica Geller: It's Chandler! Are you OK?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
Monica Geller: What?
Chandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Monica Geller: I have no idea what you just said.
Chandler Bing: Put Joey on the phone.
Joey Tribbiani: What's up man?
Chandler Bing: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! Chandler, listen.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
Rachel Green: Alright, somebody.
Monica Geller: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
Everyone: Whoooaa!
Ross Geller: That's my sister.
Joey Tribbiani: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross Geller: Pheebs, what about you?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh... Milwaukee.
Rachel Green: Um... Ross?
Ross Geller: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
Everyone: No way!
Ross Geller: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, Rachel.
Rachel Green: Oh come on, I already went.
Monica Geller: You did not go!
Everyone: Come on.
Rachel Green: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... ... oh, the foot of the bed.
Ross Geller: Step back.
Joey Tribbiani: We have a winner!
Rachel Green: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Ross Geller: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Rachel Green: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.
Ross Geller: Come on.
Rachel Green: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross Geller: And you didn't marry him because...?
Rachel Green: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...
Ross Geller: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.
Rachel Green: Yeah right.
Ross Geller: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Rachel Green: OK.
Ross Geller: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.
Rachel Green: You don't.
Ross Geller: Uh-uh. See, I see... big passion in your future.
Rachel Green: Really?
Ross Geller: Mmmm.
Rachel Green: You do?
Ross Geller: I do.
Rachel Green: Oh Ross, you're so great.
Joey Tribbiani: It's never gonna happen.
Ross Geller: What?
Joey Tribbiani: You and Rachel.
Ross Geller: What? Why not?
Joey Tribbiani: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Ross Geller: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Ross Geller: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey Tribbiani: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross Geller: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. What? What, now?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...'
Ross Geller: Shhhh!
Rachel Green: What are you shushing?
Ross Geller: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. Don't you hear that?
Rachel Green: Ahhhh!
Ross Geller: See?
Rachel Green: Huh.
Jill Goodacre: Would you like some gum?
Chandler Bing: Um, is it sugarless?
Jill Goodacre: Sorry, it's not.
Chandler Bing: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
Phoebe Buffay: New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy... la la la, la la, la la...
Ross Geller: OK, here goes.
Joey Tribbiani: Are you going to do it?
Ross Geller: I'm going to do it.
Joey Tribbiani: Do you want any help?
Ross Geller: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Joey Tribbiani: Good luck, man.
Ross Geller: Thanks. OK.
Joey Tribbiani: OK.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, where are you going?
Monica Geller: Outside.
Joey Tribbiani: You can't go out there.
Monica Geller: Why not?
Joey Tribbiani: Because of... the reason.
Monica Geller: And that would be?
Joey Tribbiani: I, um, can't tell you.
Monica Geller: Joey, what's going on?
Joey Tribbiani: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Monica Geller: About what?
Joey Tribbiani: He's planning your birthday party.
Monica Geller: Oh my God! I love him!
Joey Tribbiani: You'd better act surprised.
Phoebe Buffay: About what?
Monica Geller: My surprise party!
Phoebe Buffay: What surprise party?
Monica Geller: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he didn't tell me.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.
Phoebe Buffay: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.
Monica Geller: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe Buffay: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. Looks like I was second to last.
Rachel Green: Hmmm... this is so nice.
Ross Geller: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel Green: OK.
Ross Geller: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um...
Rachel Green: Ohhh!!!!
Ross Geller: Yes, yes, that's right...
Rachel Green: Oh, look at the little cat!
Ross Geller: What? Ow!
Monica Geller: This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.
Joey Tribbiani: Sorry, that was wax.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.
Ross Geller: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?
Rachel Green: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!
Ross Geller: Yeah?
Chandler Bing: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Rachel Green: Oh. Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.
Phoebe Buffay: He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Phoebe Buffay: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
Rachel Green: Bob Buttons?
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Phoebe Buffay: Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a cat.
Rachel Green: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
Paolo:
Rachel Green: Wow.
Ross Geller: Lucky sixes...
Rachel Green: Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Monica Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: And Joey...
Monica Geller: Hi!
Rachel Green: And Ross.
Monica Geller: Hi!
Paolo:
Rachel Green: He doesn't speak much English.
Paolo: Monopoly!
Rachel Green: Look at that!
Ross Geller: So, um... where did Paolo come from?
Rachel Green: Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross Geller: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Rachel Green: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Ross Geller: That, that is funny... ... and Rachel keeps touching him.
Phoebe Buffay: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Rachel Green: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
Phoebe Buffay: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.
Rachel Green: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
Paolo:
Phoebe Buffay: You betcha!
Chandler Bing: Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.
Chandler Bing: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth.
Chandler Bing: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
Jill Goodacre: Are you alright?
Jill Goodacre: My God, you're choking! That better?
Chandler Bing: Yes... thank you. That was... that was...
Jill Goodacre: Perfection?
Paolo:
Ross Geller: Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah...
Ross Geller: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?
Rachel Green: I have absolutely no idea.
Ross Geller: That's... that's classic.
Rachel Green: Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Monica Geller: If you want, I'll do it.
Phoebe Buffay: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. But I won't.
Rachel Green: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Phoebe Buffay: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... ... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.
Rachel Green: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd...
Ross Geller: Paolo. Hi.
Paolo: Ross!
Ross Geller: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Paolo: Thing?
Ross Geller: Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross Geller: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the... um...
Paolo: Bed?
Ross Geller: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Paolo: Oh!
Ross Geller: Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo: Si.
Ross Geller: So you do know a little English.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross Geller: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross Geller: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
Jill Goodacre: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.
Chandler Bing: OK.
Jill Goodacre: Ready?
Jill Goodacre: No, you've got to whip it.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... ... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48...
Ross Geller: Thank you.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks.
Ross Geller: Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey Tribbiani: Bwah-hah-hah!
Ross Geller: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...
Ross Geller: Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Jill Goodacre: Well, this has been fun.
Chandler Bing: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
Jill Goodacre: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. See ya.
Chandler Bing: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.


Chandler Bing: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Chandler Bing: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler Bing: Yes please.
Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-
Chandler Bing: He's a he?
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now... Okay, goodbye...
Chandler Bing: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Rachel Green: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...
Chandler Bing: You did?
Rachel Green: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Chandler Bing: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Monica Geller: I did.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Not me.
Ross Geller: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
Chandler Bing: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Ross Geller: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...
Chandler Bing: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Phoebe Buffay: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...
Chandler Bing: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Everyone: Yeah! Right!
Chandler Bing: WHAT IS IT?!
Monica Geller: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.
Everyone: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Chandler Bing: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Monica Geller: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.
Rachel Green: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! Bon giorno, caro mio.
Ross Geller: So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
Rachel Green: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. I'm talking to Rome.
Monica Geller: Hey dad, what's up? Oh God. Ross, it's Nana.
Ross Geller: So, uh, how's she doing?
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
Monica Geller: How-how are you, Mom?
Judy Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?
Monica Geller: What?
Judy Geller: What's different?
Monica Geller: Nothing.
Judy Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.
Monica Geller: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
Ross Geller: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Monica Geller: Oh God!
Monica Geller: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
Ross Geller: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.
Ross Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.
Nurse Sizemore: Mrs. Geller?
Ross Geller: She looks so small.
Monica Geller: I know.
Ross Geller: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.
Monica Geller: G'bye, Nana.
Ross Geller: Bye, Nana.
Monica Geller: Ross!
Judy Geller: What is going on?!
Ross Geller: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Judy Geller: What?
Ross Geller: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.
Aunt Lillian: What's going on?
Ross Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Ross Geller: We're looking into it.
Ross Geller: I, uh, I'll go see.
Nurse Sizemore: This almost never happens!
Ross Geller: Now she's passed.
Chandler Bing: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel Green: Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
Rachel Green: So, um, did she...
Ross Geller: Twice.
Joey Tribbiani: Twice?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, that sucks!
Joey Tribbiani: You guys okay?
Ross Geller: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh...
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.
Ross Geller: Nono, she's gone.
Monica Geller: We checked. A lot.
Phoebe Buffay: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Rachel Green: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this?
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks!
Rachel Green: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.
Joey Tribbiani: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie.
Ross Geller: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Judy Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice!
Judy Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?
Ross Geller: I don't see why not.
Ross Geller: Here's my retainer!
Ross Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-
Monica Geller: Dad!
Ross Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica Geller: You what?
Ross Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.
Monica Geller: Define fun.
Ross Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Monica Geller: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Ross Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.
Monica Geller: That's probably what they'll say.
Ross Geller: I'd like that.
Chandler Bing: Hey, gorgeous.
Shelley: Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um-
Chandler Bing: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!
Chandler Bing: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a...
Chandler Bing: ...Quality, right, great.
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.
Chandler Bing: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Shelley: What? He's cute!
Chandler Bing: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Shelley: Is Brian...?
Chandler Bing: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler Bing: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
Ross Geller: This one?
Aunt Lillian: No.
Ross Geller: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.
Judy Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.
Ross Geller: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out.
Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes!
Ross Geller: Okay. Um, how about these?
Judy Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross Geller: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?
Ross Geller: Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy.
Judy Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Ross Geller: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Ross Geller: Oh my God..
Judy Geller: Is everything all right, dear?
Ross Geller: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff.
Ross Geller: How we doing, you guys ready?
Monica Geller: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Ross Geller: Some days it's all I can think about.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings.
Rachel Green: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?
Phoebe Buffay: What'd I say?
Rachel Green: Hm-m.
Monica Geller: Are these the shoes?
Rachel Green: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.
Ross Geller: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...?
Joey Tribbiani: Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler Bing: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
Monica Geller: It was a really beautiful service.
Judy Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Chandler Bing: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey Tribbiani: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys.
Chandler Bing: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Joey Tribbiani: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler Bing: You are a frightening, frightening man.
Rachel Green: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!
Ross Geller: Oh, I hope they're not ruined.
Phoebe Buffay: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Ross Geller: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff-
Everyone: God! Ross!
Ross Geller: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised...
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
Ross Geller: What, what is it?
Phoebe Buffay: You missed a belt loop.
Ross Geller: Oh! No-n-
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, it's in spasm.
Judy Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident.
Chandler Bing: Oh, no-
Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter.
Chandler Bing: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?
Ross Geller: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.
Monica Geller: Wow, those pills really worked, huh?
Ross Geller: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister , I love Pheebs...
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! That's so nice...
Ross Geller: ...Chandler!
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Ross Geller: And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.
Andrea: You were right.
Ross Geller: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. I love you the most.
Rachel Green: Oh, well you know who I love the most?
Ross Geller: No.
Rachel Green: You!
Ross Geller: Oh.. you don't get it!
Ross Geller: Whaddya got there?
Joey Tribbiani: Just a, uh... hearing disability.
Ross Geller: What's the score?
Joey Tribbiani: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
Ross Geller: Beautiful!
Rachel Green: Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Judy Geller: Your grandmother would have hated this.
Monica Geller: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.
Judy Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.
Monica Geller: That sounds like Nana.
Judy Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?
Monica Geller: ...I can imagine.
Judy Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.
Monica Geller: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Judy Geller: Tell her what?
Monica Geller: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example.
Judy Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Monica Geller: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
Judy Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along.
Monica Geller: Huh.
Judy Geller: More wine, dear?
Monica Geller: Oh, I think so.
Judy Geller: Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Monica Geller: Thank you. They're yours.
Judy Geller: Actually they were Nana's.
Ross Geller: Now I'm depressed! ... Even more than I was.
Rachel Green: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ross Geller: That little naked guy would be me.
Rachel Green: Aww, look at the little thing.
Ross Geller: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
Chandler Bing: Who are those people?
Ross Geller: Got me.
Monica Geller: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel Green: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica Geller: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Ross Geller: Looks like a fun gang.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Ross Geller: Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something.
Chandler Bing: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler Bing: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?
Chandler Bing: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Chandler Bing: Really.
Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: So- you can tell?
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
Chandler Bing: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Chandler Bing: He is?
Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league.
Chandler Bing: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. Hey, Brian.


Rachel Green: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Terry: An advance?
Rachel Green: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel Green: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? Oh, look at that.
Rachel Green: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
Guy: Huh?
Rachel Green: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. Only $98.50 to go.
Monica Geller: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
Ross Geller: No, they're not.
Monica Geller: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.
Ross Geller: You're wrong.
Monica Geller: I am not wrong.
Ross Geller: You're wrong.
Monica Geller: No, I just talked to them.
Ross Geller: I'm calling Mom.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey.
Chandler Bing: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey Tribbiani: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler Bing: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Phoebe Buffay: What were you modeling for?
Joey Tribbiani: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Monica Geller: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe Buffay: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler Bing: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey Tribbiani: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so...
Chandler Bing: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Joey Tribbiani: Thanks.
Ross Geller: Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Monica Geller: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross Geller: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica Geller: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Monica Geller: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler Bing: Yes, every single one of them.
Monica Geller: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Phoebe Buffay: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Monica Geller: So you're free Thursday, then.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. Oh, can I come?
Monica Geller: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?
Rachel Green: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Chandler Bing: I thought it was $98.50.
Rachel Green: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Ross Geller: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?
Ross Geller: Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.
Ross Geller: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Susan Bunch: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross Geller: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Ross Geller: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan Bunch: What's it look like?
Ross Geller: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Susan Bunch: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross Geller: Ok. Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan Bunch: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Ross Geller: Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
Susan Bunch: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross Geller: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?
Susan Bunch: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Ross Geller: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Susan Bunch: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross Geller: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Susan Bunch: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
Ross Geller: Really?
Susan Bunch: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Ross Geller: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler Bing: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
Monica Geller: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?
Rachel Green: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.
Monica Geller: Rach, here's your mail.
Rachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica Geller: No, here's your mail.
Rachel Green: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica Geller: Would you just open it?
Rachel Green: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.
Monica Geller: We all chipped in.
Joey Tribbiani: We did?
Monica Geller: You owe me 20 bucks.
Rachel Green: Thank you. Thank you so much!
Monica Geller: Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel Green: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler Bing: All right, I'm nine years old.
Ross Geller: Oh, I hate this story.
Chandler Bing: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have-and I remember this part vividly-a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel Green: Oh my god.
Chandler Bing: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Girl: We did?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. Aramis? Aramis?
Girl: Yeah, right.
Joey Tribbiani: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Girl: Get out.
Joey Tribbiani: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
Girl: Nothing.
Joey Tribbiani: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Girl: Yeah. Oh.
Joey Tribbiani: What's wrong?
Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something.
Joey Tribbiani: Oh. What?
Girl: Um, leave.
Joey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, wait!
Joey Tribbiani: So I guess you all saw it.
Rachel Green: Saw what?
Phoebe Buffay: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
Joey Tribbiani: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler Bing: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Monica Geller: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. What?
Ross Geller: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Monica Geller: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.
Ross Geller: That's closer.
Rachel Green: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler Bing: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Rachel Green: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Chandler Bing: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
Phoebe Buffay: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!
Chandler Bing: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.
Monica Geller: That's not a question.
Joey Tribbiani: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica Geller: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Ross Geller: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
Monica Geller: Ah!
Ross Geller: Ok, Mom never hit.
Phoebe Buffay: Ok, all done.
Monica Geller: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica Geller: Why would we do that?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica Geller: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Rachel Green: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
Chandler Bing: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Joey Tribbiani: The balloon?
Chandler Bing: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Rachel Green: I can't, I gotta go.
Chandler Bing: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Phoebe Buffay: Almost never.
Monica Geller: Got the keys? or Got the keys!
Rachel Green: Ok.
Carol Willick: Anytime you're ready.
Ross Geller: Ok, ok, here we go. Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
Carol Willick: Just aim for the bump.
Ross Geller: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
Carol Willick: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Ross Geller: Hello, baby. Hello, hello.
Rachel Green: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Monica Geller: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?
Rachel Green: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Monica Geller: No I don't.
Rachel Green: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."
Monica Geller: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"
Rachel Green: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".
Chandler Bing: Do either of you have the keys?
Monica Geller: The oven is on.
Rachel Green: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!
Joey Tribbiani: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Monica Geller: Well then get it, get it!
Joey Tribbiani: That tone will not make me go any faster.
Monica Geller: Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: That one will.
Ross Geller: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Carol Willick: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
Ross Geller: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
Susan Bunch: Hi, how's it goin?
Ross Geller: Shh! Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol Willick: I did.
Ross Geller: Does it always, uh-?
Carol Willick: No, no that was the first.
Susan Bunch: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Ross Geller: Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
Susan Bunch: I felt it!
Ross Geller: Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.
Joey Tribbiani: Nope, not that one.
Monica Geller: Can you go any faster with that?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
Monica Geller: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?
Chandler Bing: For an emergency just like this.
Rachel Green: All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this right now. But I'm not.
Monica Geller: I swear you said you had the keys.
Rachel Green: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
Monica Geller: Why would I have the keys?
Rachel Green: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
Monica Geller: But I didn't.
Rachel Green: Well, you should have.
Monica Geller: Why?
Rachel Green: Because!
Monica Geller: Why?
Rachel Green: Because!
Monica Geller: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Chandler Bing: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
Monica Geller: Well, the turkey's burnt. Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.
Ross Geller: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's.
Monica Geller: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Rachel Green: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Monica Geller: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey Tribbiani: You call that delicious?
Monica Geller: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Chandler Bing: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh.
Rachel Green: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
Joey Tribbiani: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Monica Geller: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!
Phoebe Buffay: It's nice that he has someone.
Chandler Bing: Shall I carve?
Rachel Green: By all means.
Chandler Bing: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Ross Geller: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Monica Geller: Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Joey Tribbiani: Oh, I will.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica Geller: Make a wish?
Phoebe Buffay: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Joey Tribbiani: The bigger half.
Chandler Bing: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Everyone: That's so sweet.
Ross Geller: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel Green: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler Bing: Here, here!
Chandler Bing: Bladder Control Problem Stop Wife Beating Hemorrhoids? Winner of 3 Tony Awards...
Chandler Bing: He's finally happy with that and walks away.


Ross Geller: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
Everyone: Oooh!
Monica Geller: W-wait. What is that?
Ross Geller: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
Monica Geller: No, no, I don't.
Rachel Green: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
Ross Geller: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe Buffay: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
Chandler Bing: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
Monica Geller: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?
Ross Geller: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Monica Geller: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross Geller: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- ...sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.
Phoebe Buffay: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Chandler Bing: Might wanna open with the snowman.
Everyone: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
Monica Geller: So, how'd it go?
Joey Tribbiani: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Ross Geller: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.
Joey Tribbiani: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Monica Geller: So what are you gonna be?
Joey Tribbiani: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Rachel Green: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Chandler Bing: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel Green: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you wish!
Chandler Bing: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.
Everyone: Yeah, okay. Alright.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
Everyone: Woooo! Yeah!
Rachel Green: Phoebe, you're on.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, good.
Rachel Green: Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year.
Phoebe Buffay: I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
Phoebe Buffay:
Phoebe Buffay: ...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Phoebe Buffay:
Phoebe Buffay: ...I feel a little sneezy And now I-
Phoebe Buffay: Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's- that's okay.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Chandler Bing: That guy's going home with a note!
David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-
Phoebe Buffay: Could you speak up please?
David: Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought
Max: Daryl Hannah.
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
Max: Hard quality.
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, we're gonna take a short break.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!
Ross Geller: Come here, Marcel. Sit here.
Rachel Green: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?
Ross Geller: Just a smidge.
Phoebe Buffay: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Monica Geller: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe Buffay: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Rachel Green: Yeah!
Phoebe Buffay: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Chandler Bing: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica Geller: What?!
Ross Geller: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler Bing: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Monica Geller: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler Bing: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!
Joey Tribbiani: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
Chandler Bing: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
Joey Tribbiani: Nice shoes, huh?
Chandler Bing: Aah, y'killing me!
Monica Geller: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!
Ross Geller: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
Monica Geller: Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross Geller: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...
Chandler Bing: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.
Ross Geller: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Chandler Bing: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.
David: Yuh.
Phoebe Buffay: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
Phoebe Buffay: Sure.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
David: Rrrreally.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
David: ...Now? Now?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yeah, right now.
David: Okay, okay, okay. Y'know what, this was just really expensive. And I'll take- this was a gift.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe Buffay: I can hop.
Ross Geller: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Monica Geller: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Chandler Bing: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Chandler Bing: I happen to know a Fun Bob.
Rachel Green: Okay, here we go...
Joey Tribbiani: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!
Rachel Green: There. Now there is.
Ross Geller: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Joey Tribbiani: Uh, four.
Ross Geller: Four.
Rachel Green: Five.
Ross Geller: Five.
Rachel Green: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross Geller: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?
Rachel Green: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.
Ross Geller: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Monica Geller: What's the matter?
Ross Geller: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Chandler Bing: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Ross Geller: Really.
Chandler Bing: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
Ross Geller: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Chandler Bing: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Ross Geller: No.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...
Max: Phoebe. Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
Max: No. Have you seen David?
Phoebe Buffay: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.
Phoebe Buffay: Minsk?
Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.
Phoebe Buffay: I know where Minsk is.
Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.
Phoebe Buffay: So when, when do you leave?
Max: January first.
Phoebe Buffay: Hello?
David: Hey!
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
David: Hi! What-what're you doing here?
Phoebe Buffay: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so congratulations! This is so exciting!
Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you're not going? Oh, why?
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!'
David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.
Phoebe Buffay: So-so you're really not going?
David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh don't do that.
David: Please.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh no no.
David: No, but I'm asking-
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, but I can't do that-
David: No, but I can't-
Phoebe Buffay: It's your thing, and-
David: -make the decision-
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, um, stay.
David: Stay.
Phoebe Buffay: Stay.
Phoebe Buffay: Getting so good at that!
David: It was Max's stuff.
Janice Litman Goralnik: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow!
Chandler Bing: You remember Janice.
Monica Geller: Vividly.
Monica Geller: Hi.
Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.
Joey Tribbiani: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! ...You brought your kids.
Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right?
Ross Geller: Par-tay!
Monica Geller: That thing is not coming in here.
Ross Geller: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Monica Geller: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.
Ross Geller: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
Monica Geller: Alright. Just keep him away from me.
Ross Geller: Thank you. C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.
Monica Geller: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?
Rachel Green: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.
Phoebe Buffay: And then... your face is bloated?
Rachel Green: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? Are people eating my dip?
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.
Sandy: Yeah.
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, kids...
Ross Geller: Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Janice Litman Goralnik: There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!
Chandler Bing: But you found me!
Janice Litman Goralnik: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Chandler Bing: Kill me. Kill me now.
Monica Geller: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!
Bobby Rush: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?
Bobby Rush: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
Chandler Bing: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Chandler Bing: I'm sorry you misunderstood...
Janice Litman Goralnik: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me.
Chandler Bing: Oh, will you give me the thing.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi, Max!
Max: Yoko. I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
David: Wow.
Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.
Phoebe Buffay: Are you alright?
David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Phoebe Buffay: You're going to Minsk.
David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Phoebe Buffay: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
David: Uh, ow.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
David: I'll never forget you.
Phoebe Buffay: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Dick Clark: Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
Joey Tribbiani: There y'go, kids.
Chandler Bing: And then the peacock bit me. Please kiss me at midnight.
Joey Tribbiani: You seen Sandy?
Chandler Bing: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel Green: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
Everyone: What?
Rachel Green: The bll is drrbing!
Dick Clark: In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Chandler Bing: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Joey Tribbiani: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.
Phoebe Buffay: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.
Monica Geller: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!
Chandler Bing: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here.
Phoebe Buffay: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
Rachel Green: I can't kiss anyone.
Monica Geller: So I'm kissing everyone?
Joey Tribbiani: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.
Ross Geller: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
Chandler Bing: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!
Joey Tribbiani: Alrightalrightalright. There.
Ross Geller: I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Rachel Green: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.


Phoebe Buffay: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Monica Geller: Why?
Phoebe Buffay: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
Monica Geller: Oh my God. Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Phoebe Buffay: Where? Ooh, come to Momma.
Monica Geller: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
Guy: Nice hat.
Phoebe Buffay: We should do something. Whistle.
Monica Geller: We are not going to whistle.
Phoebe Buffay: Come on, do it.
Monica Geller: No!
Phoebe Buffay: Do it!
Monica Geller: No!
Phoebe Buffay: Do it do it do it!
Monica Geller: Woo-woo!
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you did that!
Monica Geller: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?
Phoebe Buffay: I just wish there was something we could do. Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Monica Geller: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe Buffay: Maybe nobody's tried this.
Monica Geller: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica Geller: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Phoebe Buffay: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
Monica Geller: I wish all guys could be like him.
Phoebe Buffay: I know.
Chandler Bing: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Monica Geller: He doesn't have anyone.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.
Joey Tribbiani: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.
Rachel Green: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up!
Jay Leno: Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Chandler Bing: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Rachel Green: No way, forget it.
Joey Tribbiani: C'mon, she's your mom!
Chandler Bing: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
Rachel Green: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler Bing: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Ross Geller: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler Bing: You can say that because she's not your mom.
Ross Geller: Oh, please...
Paolo: Bona sera.
Rachel Green: Oh, hi sweetie.
Ross Geller: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
Monica Geller: Last night.
Ross Geller: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey hey hey! She's on!
Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!
Jay Leno: ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe Buffay: Your mom was arrested?
Chandler Bing: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Nora Tyler Bing: ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
Chandler Bing: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?
Everyone: Shhh.
Nora Tyler Bing: ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler Bing: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Jay Leno: Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
Everyone: Awww!
Chandler Bing: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
Jay Leno: Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Nora Tyler Bing: Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
Chandler Bing: ...And then he burst into flames.
Monica Geller: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
Phoebe Buffay: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Monica Geller: Nah... not-not special enough.
Phoebe Buffay: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?
Monica Geller: Waaay too special.
Nora Tyler Bing: I am famished. What do I want...
Chandler Bing: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
Chandler Bing: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Ross Geller: What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
Nora Tyler Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Chandler Bing: I know I am.
Nora Tyler Bing: Who's doing shots?
Monica Geller: Yeah.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm in.
Nora Tyler Bing: There y'go. Ross?
Ross Geller: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
Rachel Green: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time.
Ross Geller: ...But a man can change.
Ross Geller: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
Rachel Green: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.
Chandler Bing: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Nora Tyler Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
Nora Tyler Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Ross Geller: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Nora Tyler Bing: What is with you tonight?
Ross Geller: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Nora Tyler Bing: Okay, thank you. It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross Geller: No. It's the one he's licking.
Nora Tyler Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Ross Geller: You're good.
Nora Tyler Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Ross Geller: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Nora Tyler Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross Geller: When?
Nora Tyler Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross Geller: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Nora Tyler Bing: No, it's you!
Ross Geller: Please.
Nora Tyler Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...
Ross Geller: Right.
Nora Tyler Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
Ross Geller: Uh-oh...
Joey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... I'll just pee in the street.
Ross Geller: Hey, is Chandler here?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Ross Geller: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Joey Tribbiani: Right. No big deal.
Ross Geller: Okay.
Joey Tribbiani: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Ross Geller: What code?
Joey Tribbiani: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
Chandler Bing: What are you guys doing out here?
Ross Geller: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
Ross Geller: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Chandler Bing: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together.
Ross Geller: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.
Joey Tribbiani: Ross, how could you let this happen?
Ross Geller: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...
Joey Tribbiani: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross Geller: Well... not in the same way...
Joey Tribbiani: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross Geller: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
Rachel Green: Hey.
Ross Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: What're you guys doing out here?
Ross Geller: Well, not playing raquetball!
Joey Tribbiani: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross Geller: He didn't get the goggles!
Rachel Green: Well,sounds like you two have issues.
Rachel Green: Goodbye, baby.
Paolo: Ciao, bela.
Ross Geller: Do they wait for me to do this?
Joey Tribbiani: So are you gonna tell him?
Ross Geller: Why would I tell him?
Joey Tribbiani: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
Ross Geller: Oh...
Monica Geller: What are you guys doing here?
Joey Tribbiani: Uhhhh... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Monica Geller: ...What did I ask?
Monica Geller: Hi.
Phoebe Buffay: Hi.
Monica Geller: What are you doing here?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
Monica Geller: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Phoebe Buffay: No. No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Monica Geller: How would I know? I-I wasn't here.
Phoebe Buffay: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?!
Chandler Bing: Oh my God.
Ross Geller: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Chandler Bing: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Ross Geller: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler Bing: What?
Ross Geller: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-
Chandler Bing: You knew about this?
Joey Tribbiani: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Chandler Bing: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.
Ross Geller: Thanks, man, big help.
Chandler Bing: I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Ross Geller: I wasn't- I mean, I-
Chandler Bing: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Ross Geller: I know-
Chandler Bing: I can't believe you did this.
Ross Geller: Chandler-
Joey Tribbiani: Me neither, y'know what-
Chandler Bing: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Joey Tribbiani: What are you mad at me for?!
Ross Geller: Chandler-
Chandler Bing: You gotta let me slam the door!
Joey Tribbiani: Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! See what happens when you break the code?
Ross Geller: Joey-
Joey Tribbiani: Ah! Huh?
Monica Geller: Hey.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Monica Geller: 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.
Rachel Green: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Monica Geller: Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.
Phoebe Buffay: Hey Rach.
Rachel Green: Hey.
Phoebe Buffay: Hello.
Monica Geller: Hello.
Phoebe Buffay: Going to the hospital tonight?
Monica Geller: No, you?
Phoebe Buffay: No, you?
Monica Geller: You just asked me.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Rachel Green: Okay. I am so hot!
Joey Tribbiani: Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Ross Geller: I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
Joey Tribbiani: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
Rachel Green: Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe Buffay: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. 'Kay.
Phoebe Buffay: You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break!
Rachel Green: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
Chandler Bing: What was that?
Ross Geller: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Chandler Bing: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser?
Joey Tribbiani: Mother-Kisser... I'll shut up.
Ross Geller: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Chandler Bing: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Ross Geller: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
Chandler Bing: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!
Ross Geller: We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Chandler Bing: That's very funny. We done now?
Ross Geller: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Chandler Bing: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross Geller: Okay, 'you' can't, or you can't? Okay, that's my finger. That's, that's my knee. Still doing the play. Aaah!
Phoebe Buffay: Alright, whadyou do with him?
Monica Geller: Oh! You're awake!
Phoebe Buffay: Look at you! How, how do you feel?
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Monica Geller: You look good!
Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you?
Monica Geller: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe Buffay: I'm Phoebe Buffay.
Monica Geller: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.
Phoebe Buffay: Well, we both have.
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Phoebe Buffay: Well, actually it's just from me.
Monica Geller: I got you the foot massager.
Phoebe Buffay: You know who shaved you? That was me.
Monica Geller: I read to you.
Phoebe Buffay: I sang. Hah!
Coma Guy: Well,... thanks.
Monica Geller: Oh, my pleasure.
Phoebe Buffay: You're welcome.
Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around.
Phoebe Buffay: What, that's it?
Monica Geller: "See you around?"
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Monica Geller: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you.
Phoebe Buffay: I don't think you mean that.
Monica Geller: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
Nora Tyler Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Chandler Bing: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.
Nora Tyler Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you.
Chandler Bing: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
Nora Tyler Bing: O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.
Chandler Bing: Really stupid.
Nora Tyler Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now?
Chandler Bing: Yeah. No. No...
Ross Geller: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey Tribbiani: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Ross Geller: You're kidding.
Joey Tribbiani: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross Geller: Wow!
Joey Tribbiani: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross Geller: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Joey Tribbiani: That makes more sense.
Ross Geller: So, what's going on now?
Joey Tribbiani: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Ross Geller: Whaddya see?
Joey Tribbiani: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
Nora Tyler Bing: You okay, kiddo?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, okay.
Nora Tyler Bing: Alright.
Chandler Bing: Nice save.
Ross Geller: Mrs. Bing.
Nora Tyler Bing: Mr. Geller.
Chandler Bing: Hey.
Ross Geller: You mean that?
Chandler Bing: Yeah, why not. So I told her.
Ross Geller: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler Bing: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Ross Geller: Well, howdya feel?
Chandler Bing: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross Geller: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Rachel Green: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica Geller: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey Tribbiani: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Rachel Green: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Ross Geller: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Rachel Green: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!
Everyone: Nooo!