Peer review from Vision 
Hi Paul,
At first glance your theory page seems to be really rich. However, after reading the lead part, I have to agree with you that the language is sort of unclear. More importantly, my feel is that it reads like fragments mixed together but not well integrated. Therefore, I suggest that you may want to work on better summarize the theory and make it more like an article than excerpt. 
Another suggestion from me regards the structure. Obviously, the sections after “Criticism of the theory” were not organized logically. (For example criticism of the theory itself shows up twice.) I think you have done a great job in your page edit outline in describing how you are going to restructure it. 
Also, I just want to mention that you “bonus analysis of talk page” is really fascinating!!! I might do a similar analysis as well, because it addresses some general concerns from a community that not only read the article but also try to enhance it.