Choose your Loyalties 

Sir,

It has come to my attention that despite taking advantage of our first-rate American education facilities, you insist upon identifying as a Bangladeshi.

My parents are/were Bangladeshis, and they were amongst the most wretched people I have ever had the misfortune of knowing; Indeed, during this unfortunate period of my life that I have been forced to spend in Bangladesh due to my father, I am now convinced that Bangladesh is the single most unworthy nation to exist. (I use are/were because, I regret to say, my mother was struck dead by Bangladesh - and despite her dysfunctional state and pathological lying, I mourn her loss greatly.)

Never have I felt more love for my country than now, when I find myself forced away from it! I have now given my loyalty, heart and soul, to the United States of America: The greatest country in the world, God bless every inch of it.

But after my experiences with Bangladeshis, I cannot allow for one such as yourself to leech off of the United States while offering nothing in return. I implore you to either renounce Bangladesh and enjoy the remainder of your life in the blessed free world, or get the fuck out of my country, you filthy ape.

Sincerely yours,

A proud AMERICAN