Intro

This is the intro which was on the Palpatine page for a very long time:

Once an ambitious Senator in the Galactic Senate, the blockade of his homeworld, Naboo, by the Trade Federation, saw him become Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. Palpatine is leader of the Galactic Republic at the time of the Clone Wars, and later is the man who becomes the Emperor. Ultimately, Palpatine is revealed to be the alter ego of Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord of immense power and immeasurable cunning.

yesterday, user Robeykr changed it to this:

Once an ambitious yet unassuming Senator in the Galactic Senate, the blockade of his homeworld, Naboo, by the Trade Federation, saw him become Chancellor of the Galactic Republic shortly before the time of the Clone Wars, and later became absolute leader of the most crushing totalitarian government in the history of the galaxy. Ultimately, it was revealed that Palpatine was the alter ego of Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord of enormous power and considerable cunning.

I changed it back, and tried to clean it up a little:

Once a Senator in the Galactic Senate, the blockade of his homeworld, Naboo, by the Trade Federation, saw him become Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. Palpatine is leader of the Republic during the Clone Wars, and later becomes Galactic Emperor. Ultimately, Palpatine is revealed to be the alter ego of Darth Sidious, a Sith Lord of immense power and immeasurable cunning.

I cited the need for reversion as a) the intro needs to be short b) it should be NPOV

I would like to know what people think about the changes so that hopefully we can resolve this.