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 Systemic risk 

I have a couple of suggestions for the third paragraph of Debates and controversies'#Systemic risk, aiming to improve the accuracy a bit. The paragraph currently reads, with the problem areas highlighted:

However, as all investors in the herd would lose funds in such a situation, I'd like to tweak the wording a bit to clarify this. Also, the last sentence is simply a restatement of risks already cited in greater detail above. I would suggest cutting to make the section more concise. My proposed revisions are below:

Thoughts from others? Cheers,  (Talk · ) "