"

 be with you.]]

The Force is something that makes others do things and stuff float at our command. It was discovered by George Lucas and revealed in his seven-and-two-thirds-part documentary Star Wars. Mark Hamill can use it, but Harrison Ford cannot. Not even while canoeing a fjord.

The Force and Religion
In the essential melodrama of Force-wielding, George Lucas uncovers the struggle of Light vs. Dark in his aforementioned documentary Star Wars. During the filming, Lucas resided with and studied a small group of Jedi, Catholic monks who police and protect the Galaxy in accordance with the Gospel description of Jesus' work. We learn early that the Jedi manipulate small bits of The Force by controlling ther emotion, waving their hands around in odd and nondescript ways, and moving junk around via telepathy.  Soon, we encounter the Sith, pimps of the Galaxy who use the Dark Side of the Force for to fulfill their passions for beer and hookers, gambling, and unlimited power. The Dark Side, of course, is a double-edge sword, or more accurately, a red lightpaper: it can cut the shit outta yo hands unless you hold it the right way.  It is for this reason that many Sith have met their untimely demise falling down shafts and electrocuting things as their dead ass falls.

The Force and the Jedi Order
Jedi training in the Presbyterian faith under Britney Spears (an anagram of Presbyterians) is a strenous and ancient ritual.  Boys and girls who show marked skills with the Force are granted training at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, where they learn Jedi skills, included amongst the many: lightsaber fighting, moving stuff with your mind, and convincing people these aren't the droids they're looking for.  While spending a number of years getting shot by remote droids, young Jedis in training learn about Jesus and his works, and the apostles, who were the first Jedi.  

The Jedi Order has come under some severe scrutiny since a number of Padawan molestation cases during training in the Outer Rim territories.  Cardinal Yoda remains pensive.

The earliest recording of The Force is when Moses crossed the Delaware.

The second most Holy day of the Jedi Order is May 4th, colloquially recognized as 'May the 4th Be With You' day. The first most Holy day is Hannukah.

The Force and the Sith Lordth
Many religious scholars blame the Sith, or the Jews, either way, for the murder and crucifiction of Jesus after Jesus balanced the Force.  However, many agree, except for those fascist scholarly types, that the Sith did not murder Jesus for religious reasons, but instead stood in the way to the creation of The First Galactic Empire as ruled by, then, Pope John Paul II.

In the modern era, Many Sith were converted by door-to-door Force-marketers, a practice which is currently being aprised by the Supreme Court. If people choose not to convert to the Sith, the Sith use the Dark side to throw barrels, pipes, man hole covers, and freight trains through people's front windows or trap them in Force-fields until they can be used to make a rather fuckish shade of Soylent Green.

The Force and Race
An often-used explanation of The Force consists of Light and Dark sides of a spectrum, or, in computing terms, 256-bit values of RGB locked together. In this analogy, the Force draws upon the age-old battle of 'The White Man Repressin' against 'Nigger Stole my bike.'  ""Paradise Losticus,"" of ancient, unknown authoring, is the most vivid and accurate account of the religious turmoil within the Force. In the climactic ending of the book, Sith Lord Darth Maul returns Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn's bike.

The Light and Dark sides cannot coexist side-by-side, not even in Detroit.  Bickering on both sides has sparked off many Holy Wars, like the Crusades and as detailed in the six part documentary Star Wars.  The Light Side has come under significant fire in mordern times, despite its true purpose of ""Guarding of Peace and Justice."" Many believe, probably due to Sith indoctrination, that this could just be bullshit for ""Defenders of Big Business and the Oil Industry.""  This could explain why the Jedi Temple is on the wildly industrialized planet Coruscant, and the Sith live in ghettos like Cleveland.

It is wholly undisputed that the Dark Side of the Force repre