I think the article reads pretty well. The quotes, far from being 'turgid', are essential for explaining. It's a real relief to read a wiki entry that actually quotes the subject and his critics rather than trying to ineptly summarise them. You're right there are a few repetitions, but the 'controversy' section certainly is of interest. Indeed, I notice the Daily Telegraph quoted it in full on Saturday, suggesting it is of interest to their million or so readers.

A criticism section would be welcome. I'm not sure what you mean by the practices/integrity section since as the Sourcewatch entry on Hari shows, they contradict each other. E.g. Littlejohn accused him of being on drugs on his show, Private Eye accused him of pretending to have taken drugs when he hasn't. They seem like a contradictory jumble of accusations, none of which come from credible sources.

If you are looking for wiki entries that need tidying up I can think of hundreds that need it urgently. However, if you proceed I will look forward to sparring with you on it!