# Developmental psychology/Chapter 8/The Importance of Friends

With the onslaught of the concrete operational thought stage, peer relationships are becoming more important.
* Child culture - the customs and trads of the older children passed down to the younger ones. An example is Ring around the Rosy, which originated from children coping with the Black Death.
* Child culture differs from adult culture
* Independence from adults is key (momma's boy, teacher's pet, snitch) and rebelliousness is evident
* Children help each other socially and academically!
* As social cognition and effortful control increases, friends become closer.
* Friends are based on similarities and boys & girls can become friends.

## Friendship Status

Unpopular children may lead to becoming a bully or bully victim and is caused by [often] awkwardness and mistreatment at home.
* Neglected, not rejected.
* Aggressive-rejected, children reject this person because of their aggressive behavior - biggest victim of bullying.
* Withdrawn-rejected, children reject this person because they're timid - bullied.
Cohorts and culture matters on who's popular or not. Shyness is valued in rural China, so shy kids are popular. Smart kids may be popular in other regions and funny/sporty kids can be popular in opposite regions.

## Bullying

Bullying: Repeated efforts to harm the defenseless. It consists of physical, verbal, relational (aims at destroying one's social status) and cyberbullying. A friend can aid a bully victim and protect from the worst harm, self-respect. Victims are chose based on their social vulnerability. Bullies are mostly popular kids who are pleased with themselves and are not "rejects". Bullies in the ages 6-12 become smart with the way they bully, avoiding the teacher's detections and getting away with socially rejecting other kids. Male bullies are more physical than female bullies but male bullying a female is not supported.

### Consequences

* Can't express frustration well: result of home life, bad discipline, hostile siblings, insecure attachment
* Bullying becomes a social act to gain social recognition
* Bullying consequences: "impaired social understanding, lower school achievement, and relationship difficulties, higher rates of mental illness". Victims = depressed, bullies = prison.
* Schools with high amounts of bullying may have students who are more focused socially than academically.

### Prevention

* When teachers are supportive and friendships are encouraged, bullying decreases.
* Pulling bullies in a class, talking to bully's parents and "zero tolerance" (awareness but no action) do not help.
* Aggression is reduced by onlookers if they sympathize with the victim, feel effective and reject the bullies.
* Appreciation of human diversity is not innate, but is learned. Friends are more effective at preventing bullying.

## Child's Morality

Children's desire to learn morality is guided by:
* child culture
* empathy
* education
* Children usually side with their friends vs. adult morality.
* Children succumb to defending friends, not telling adults anything and confirming to popular standards.
* Children learn empathy and goes hand-in-hand with diversity.

### Cognition and Moral Development

Piaget and Kohlberg came up with three cognitive stages associated with morality
* Preconventional moral reasoning (self-centered)- First level of moral reasoning, emphasizing avoiding personal punishments and gaining pleasure. Might makes right focuses on not getting caught while doing things out of pleasure. Look out for number one: Be nice to others so they can be nice to you.
* Concrete thought and experiences -->
* Conventional moral reasoning (social rules)- Second level of moral reasoning, emphasizing following and doing what they see. Good girl and nice boy: Social approval; Law and order: dutiful even without law nearby.
* Postconventional moral reasoning - Third level of moral reasoning, figuring out what to do based on themselves vs. norms. Social contract: Obey rules that work. Universal ethics principles: Individual reflections and religious ideas.
Intellectual maturity advances moral thinking. Kohlberg focuses on the why of an action vs. what of an action. Although Kohlberg's focus on rational principles is good, he failed to consider cultural and sexual differences.
* Retribution: Hurting the aggressor
* Restitution: Restoring what was lost
* Parents who discuss morality with their children may advance their morality as a result.
* "That deeper thought might protect the child during adolescence, when life-changing moral issues arise."