# Emotional intelligence
## Topics

Emotional intelligence (EQ) has become a popular topic for staff training in organisations during the late 1990s and 2000s. Some of the topics commonly taught include:
* EQ: why it can matter more than IQ
* The framework
* Personal competencies
* Self awareness
* Self management
* Positive psychology - how to use your strengths to enjoy your work and improve performance
* Group EQ and teams
* Social competencies
* Social awareness
* Relationship management
* Solutions focused coaching strategies

## An Emotional Intelligence Framework
### SELF AWARENESS

* Emotional self awareness: attuned to inner signals and guiding values. Able to be candid and authentic about own emotions and guiding vision.
* Accurate self-assessment: knows own limitations and strengths. Exhibits a sense of humour about themselves. Graceful in learning and in receiving feedback. Knows when to ask for help.
* Self confidence: knows own abilities and can play to own strengths. Self assured and happy to take on difficult assignments.

### SELF MANAGEMENT

* Self Control: Can manage disturbing emotions and impulses. Calm and clear under stress.
* Transparency: an authentic openness to others about one’s feelings, beliefs and actions.
* Adaptability: flexible in adapting to new challenges. Can juggle multiple demands without losing focus or energy.
* Achievement: High personal standards, continually seeks ways to improve.
* Initiative: controls own destiny. Cuts through red tape or bends the rules in order to achieve better outcomes.
* Optimism: Sees situations as an opportunity rather than a threat.

### SOCIAL AWARENESS

* Empathy: able to attune to a wide range of emotional signals.
* Organisational Awareness: politically astute. Able to network and read the key power relationships.
* Service: delivers high level service to clients and customers

### RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

* Inspiration: creates a compelling vision that inspires others to follow.
* Influence: is persuasive, influential and engaging.
* Develop others: cultivates other’s abilities through feedback, coaching and opportunities.
* Change catalyst: recognises and drives change.
* Conflict Management: is able to manage conflict through understanding different perspectives and finding common ground.
* Teamwork and collaboration: is an able team player and team builder.
from Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence see http://danielgoleman.info/topics/emotional-intelligence/

## How to become more emotionally intelligent

(adapted from LexisNexis)
* Be aware of your body. Posture and gesture reflect your feelings. Practise reading body signals.
* Notice which situations or people make you uncomfortable. Work out why.
* Anticipate situations you don't like. Think what you want to achieve and keep focused.
* If you feel you are going to lose it, count to 10. Then ask: do I want to shout or do I have an alternative?
* Ask for feedback. Knowing how you come across identifies strengths and weaknesses.
* Give feedback not criticism. Challenge behaviour, not people.
* If criticised, acknowledge appropriate responsibility then see it as an opportunity to solve a problem.
* Twice a day listen to someone without interruption. Then repeat what they say: 'So you think ...." It helps you understand others' feelings.
* Identify and cultivate key people who would be useful when difficulties occur. They will respond more willingly when you need them.
* Be available to talk to people; this is more important the higher up you go.
* Set achievable targets, eg I'll make two points at the meeting.
Behaviours for Inclusion (Judith Katz - Change Champions Fieldguide)
* Greet others authentically
* Create a sense of safety for you and your team members
* Address misunderstandings and resolve disagreements
* Listen carefully to the person speaking until that person feels understood.
* Communicate clearly, directly and honestly
* Solidify the team’s vision of its tasks and its relationship to the organisation’s mission.
* Hear all voices. Allow for options.
* Ask others to share their thoughts and experiences and accept their frame of reference.
* Speak up when people are being excluded.
* Make careful choices about group actions and schedules. Treat everyone’s time as valuable and their presence as critical
* Be brave.

## Short articles, tools and resources

* Salovey & Mayer on emotional intelligence 1990 (Melissa Karnaze)
* Entitlement-thinking (Leadership Freak)
* Emotional intelligence (EQ) (Businessballs)
* Ten tips to improve your EQ (eqi.org)
* Ladder of Inference (Chris Argyris and Society for Organisational Learning) Diagram
* Search for Learn-About-Emotional-Intelligence 5min30sec video by Daniel Goleman
* 20min video Brené Brown - Wholeheartedness (TED)
* The Art of Possibility (Ben Zander)
* EQ self assessment tool (Institute for Health and Human Potential)
* Authentic Happiness and Positive Pyschology questionnaires (Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania)
* The Emerging Field of NeuroLeadership (David Rock)
* Maintain Your Mental Wellbeing (David Rock)
* Science of Motivation (Dan Pink)
* Conflict is the Stuff of Life - 12 steps (Conflict Resolution Network)
* Turn conflict into connection and collaboration (John Kinyon)
* 9 Unexpected Questions that Create Engagement (Leadership Freak, Dan Rockwell)
* WikiLove and emotional intelligence have much in common
* The Path to Eldership (Tjanara Goreng Goreng)
* Three part assertive communication
* Identify the 'real problem'. The presenting behaviour is rarely the real problem. The real problem is often the emotional reaction as a consequence the thinking and emotions from a flight or fight response.
* State your feelings using 'I' statements. Be direct, honest and specific.
* Offer solutions and/or negotiate mutual agreement for resolution.
* Karpman drama triangle — a useful model, supporting emotional intelligence.