# Tiberius Smith/Chapter 14
### XIV A FEW VOLCANIC DOG-BISCUIT

"ONCE back in Callao we began looking bout for some means of earning a daily crust. Tib was fearfully impatient to escape the town, but never once did he mention the fortune I had lost from my insecure belt. From a plane of plethoric affluence, you see, we had dropped to absolute poverty, and realizing I was the innocent cause, my head drooped like the homesick petals of an abducted wild-flower. Breusy had forced a loan on us, although my patron hated like sin to take it, and we could have had passage-money to any place if the old chap hadn't been so stiffly independent. As it was, we took enough to run us economically for a few weeks, and from sun to sun Tib was combing the town for something with gilt on it. He framed up a half-dozen different schemes and as quickly discarded them.
"‘There's good money in each, but they're not soon enough,' he explained, cheerily. 'What we must have is a quick remedy, no slow, lazy spell of ​convalescence. Now if I can get that concession and sell it—but what's the use. It's a hollow dream. Let's go back to the hotel and take a nap. Nothing so inexpensive, when you're out of a job, as slumber.'
"But as we turned our steps into the ranch where we were stopping, what should be presented to us but a big yellow envelope, having faintly etched all over its fat surface the familiar Big Tops and the snappy assertion it was the best ever.
"Tib smothered his agitation and calmly consumed fifteen seconds in opening it. Inside was an elegantly engraved draft calling for all kinds of money, and the brief proclamation: 'If Tiberius Smith will write home, all will be forgiven. Come to 'Frisco by the next boat and meet my manager. Sacred white apes in India. Does it sound good?'
"‘We will catch the steamer to-night, child!' cried Tib, as he fondly gloated on the eccentric signature of the circus boss. 'We are reprieved, and we must fetch him his dear old apes, or leave our bones for jade ornaments in Indian land.'
"Now the India jaunt would not have been worth the telling if Breusy hadn't stumbled in upon us at the last minute, and, in discussing our destination, asked us to look up an old pal of his if we should happen to wander into Burmah. The man's name was Danby, and by a coincidence Tib had already met him. He was passing through New York on a ​globe-trotting stunt, and became entangled in some contretemps here, and Tiberius entered from the right wing and performed a thrilling three-dollar rescue. It was nothing to be remembered, especially when one appreciated my patron had filled in his active life doing those sort of things. But the idea sank into Danby's head that Tib was his sword-brother, and occasionally he had written long, solid, stolid letters renewing his sense of appreciation.
"When we were managing the London office of the big show we met him again, just after his marriage to a little, pink-cheeked woman, who always thought of him in capitals. At that time he was busy crating up his household gods, preparatory to moving into his newly purchased home in Burmah, on the banks of the Irrawaddy. I never could understand how a man able to live in Manhattan should choose a site that gave him promise only of being eaten up by a new breed of flies, or of being stung by a serpent with a long Latin name. But Tib was pleased to recall him, and in his hearty way promised Breusy we would drop in for a pipe if we happened to strike his country.
"From Callao to Panama and then on to 'Frisco we ransacked our memories for Indian lore, and by the time we landed on good old American soil, where the fishing was great in '51, we had our plans all perfected. Consequently it required only thirty min​utes of the sub-boss's time to conclude all details, and on the next day we were afloat for Shanghai.
"It was the same old trip, and I was heartily ennuied before we struck Hong-Kong. Then, down around that sore thumb of a peninsula and up to Calcutta. There we struck it rich, as we got a tip from the consul that a whole invoice of white apes had just been received at one of the depots. In a trice we had the trick turned and the bric-à-brac neatly stored away on a home-bound boat.
"Ordinarily we would have quit right there, but remembering Danby we studied the map and located him thirty miles from Bhamo. As we felt entitled to a bit of a rest—dear, dear! how many times I've started out gunning for rest and quiet with that man—Tib wrote a short letter, and as soon as a reply could be received we were urgently invited to visit him and his wife. His bungalow, he said, was three miles from the nearest plantation, and somehow I drew the inference that our coming would fracture some kind of a monotony. As I read his epistle I fell to wondering what on earth an Englishwoman could find to enjoy up there alone with her hubby and a dozen of unwholesome coolies.
"No dropping in to tea, no theatres, no lawn-parties, just a sun-baked existence minus the latest fashions. I remarked that the lady must be lonely at times, but Tib waxed enthusiastic and spoke ​learnedly of the scenery, of the sport of hunting wild animals in the company of a rajahputra, or some other wild elf, and many other diversions peculiarly suited to feminine tastes.
"So I held my peace, and Tib wrote a hasty note saying the Campbells and Smiths were coming and would work up the Irrawaddy with all possible speed.
"Now the longer we remained in India the more Indian-like did Tib become in his attire and language. He addressed me as 'sahib,' and reckoned all our expenditures in annas, and told me I was a surajah, or a sepoy, according to whether he approved or condemned some of my boyish remarks.
"‘Now for the last leg, sahib,' he cried, gleefully, resplendent in an impossible turban, which, together with his rotund form and merry, Vermont face, caused even the niggers to smile, and we hopped across to Rangoon.
"Once there, I insisted on a few days' rest before making the final spurt, for, although young and lithesome, I could never stand a hegira as could Tib, who was solidified by many long travels.
"While recuperating and preparing for the trip up-country, a letter from Danby found us. He was immensely pleased to know we were coming, although one not versed in the characteristics of the average Briton would never have absorbed that ​impression. But realizing that he was one of those careful, conservative fellows who, if you saved the dearly beloved life of his grandfather, would color up and say, 'Aw, thanks, old chap,' we read between the lines and knew he was impatient for our arrival.
"The only thing to mar the placidity of the journey was when we were leaving Mandalay. It was then that the native agent for the freight depot overtook us at the gang-plank with a small box and asked if we would deliver it to the English sahib, and would the sahib be very careful of it?
"‘What is it? Gold?' asked Tib, quizzingly.
The agent salaamed very low, and, backing away, replied that it was not gold, and that the contents of the box were indicated on the cover. As the little boat crept away from the landing, we were interested to read: 'Handle with Care, Dynamite. From Beeks & Dungrove's depots, Rangoon.'
"‘Drop it overboard,' was my earnest advice, for I felt very shivery.
"Tib started to do so, but paused and remonstrated: 'No, it's inconvenient, but doubtless Danby wants this or he wouldn't have sent for it. It might be weeks getting to him by the runners, and of course the company wouldn't accept it as freight. We'll say nothing about it, and I'll keep the length of the boat between us, so if it should go off you'll ​be left to notify the Vermont papers. There's no danger if we don't fuss or get frolicsome with it.'
"Later we decided that Danby wanted it for road building, as in his letter he had mentioned that he was laying a highway and that the rock bothered him quite a deal.
"Well, to arrive at Danby's plantation we had to make the last forty miles in a small boat rowed by coolies, as the little river-craft had broken down. We met Danby, baked to a fine chocolate color, several miles down-stream on the watch for us, and he was overjoyed to behold us. But beneath it all I thought I detected an air of restraint,
"Tib also noticed this, and at last asked him if our visit was inopportune, if he had lots of company, or if his wife were ill.
"‘Nothing like that, old chap,' he replied, gravely. 'But, to be thoroughly honest, some of the Dacoits are acting nasty up here and may make a raid from the hills at any time. If my coolies stick by me it's of no consequence, as I've sent a runner to Bhamo for the troops there, and the Shan robbers will be cleaned out of this district in short order. To be more honest, I'm selfish enough to be glad to have you here, as you can help me stand 'em off if they come ahead of the troops. And it will calm Alice's fears. She's the only English lady in sixty miles of the valley.'
​"Well, I've no need to say that this was a situation pleasing to Tib. The possibility of succoring a gentlewoman caused his brown eyes to twinkle, and he smote the box of dynamite smartly, then remembering its irresponsible nature he brushed it tenderly, as if to take back the blow. And he swore that nothing could delight him more than to be a minute-man when the foe was approaching.
"Danby's face cleared wonderfully, and he shook hands with us both warmly and declared we were 'a real good sort,' and that he would always remember it. Then he noticed the fireworks, relieved Tib, and cursed the station agent for passing the truck on to us.
"By this time we came to his plantation. It was pleasantly situated in a little valley, bounded on either side by wooded spurs of the steep hills that ended abruptly on the right banks of the stream. The bungalow was built back a bit from the river, in a small clearing on the hill-side, facing the west, where the view was certainly mellow.
"It was now near sundown, and the teak-trees showed purple on the surrounding heights. On the strong log veranda the English lady, all in white, looking very frail and much out of place in the wild environment, stood to receive us. She was more demonstrative in her greeting than was her husband, and instinctively took to Tib as a pillar of strength.
​"That was the magnetic way of him. He was like a physician in a sick-room, radiating confidence.
"‘Mrs. Danby,' he said, bowing over her hand in his graceful way, 'your husband tells me some of the Shan people threaten to be rude, but I don't think you need feel a bit worried.'
"‘I'm not very much afraid,' she asserted, 'but the coolies are. They have taken to the woods, and I should be nervous here alone with Sydney. But now you and Mr. Campbell have come, I shall feel perfectly safe.' And she smiled in a most delightful manner.
"Her mention of the coolies caused her husband to frown a bit, for the servants were an excellent barometer as to any trouble that might leak down from the hills behind us. When he called for a boy to remove the box of dynamite, only Mike, an interpreter appeared.
"Mike said he regretted to announce that all of the sahib's dogs had run away to the jungles. As for himself, bah—and he spat in the direction of the hills. Might the graves of his ancestors be defiled if ever he turned his back to the half-caste hill robbers.
"And yet Michael's eyes shifted uneasily as the warm breeze caught the jungle leaves two hundred yards away and rustled them softly.
"While waiting for a bite to eat, Danby, his feet ​on the veranda railing, told us of the Dacoits and explained how they were robbers by profession from their very birth, being similar to the Thugs in their amiable intentions on organized society.
"If through some freak of nature, he said, the germ of honesty develops in a Dacoit youngster, he is looked upon as a black sheep, a disgrace to the family, and his own parents drive him forth with thongs until he can experience a change of heart and come back purified and repentant, a man worthy of his name and caste, a robber. Thanks to the government's activity, he continued, the Dacoits have a harder life to live every year, and are slowly going the way of their first cousins, the Thugs.
"It seemed all strange to me, as we sat there and sipped our whiskey-and-soda and smoked the native tobacco, to realize that back in the jungle, perhaps watching us even then, the Shan people, with their strange notions and long knives, were waiting patiently to gather us in. And I remembered that somewhere beneath my feet was quiet Broadway, with its occasional knock-out drops and sometimes a belligerent policeman.
"It eased my mind to a degree to learn that there were several rifles and shot-guns inside the bungalow, but as I noted the dry, thatched roof, inviting arson, my fears returned and I believed there would ​be a little inferno despite our combined efforts if the beggars rushed us under the moon.
"‘But the soldiers will be here by to-morrow afternoon, and that will end it all,' laughed Danby, as his wife brought out the tea things and placed some civilized food before us.
"This obvious fact, that even her domestics had fled, caused another wave of uneasiness to sweep up my spine and ruffle my back hair.
"‘No chance of your runner being held up, is there?' asked Tib, keenly, as he stood by the rail and scrutinized the deep foliage.
"‘Why, yes,' confessed Danby, slowly. 'That's what bothers me. I ought to have sent two or three. But if any one can get through, Shingah Lal can.'
"‘And yet if they are as near as that, why weren't we stopped from coming here?' asked Tib.
"‘Because you were coming here and not leaving here,' replied Danby, in a low voice, so that his wife might not hear him.
"‘I see,' smiled Tib. 'Kind of a trap, eh? Well, I've been in others worse than this, and I've always got away with the bait.'
"And, sir, as if in mockery at his little boast, a long knife hurtled from out of the shadows somewhere and stood trembling in a veranda post three inches from his head. In one jump we were all ​inside, leaving the untasted supper spread invitingly on the bamboo table.
"Then the jungle gave up its secret, and a score or more of half-naked forms, the quaint tattooing on which showed quite plainly, now sprang into view, shaking their weapons and accompanying their gesticulations with fearsome cries and yells.
"To add to the babel, about a score of dogs, gaunt and wolf-like, dashed into the clearing, and, with greater temerity than their masters displayed, ran up near the bungalow and began showing their fangs in a real disquieting fashion.
"‘Don't waste a bullet on the curs,' cried Tib, restraining Danby's trigger-finger as one of the brutes jumped boldly on to the veranda and began bolting our supper.
"And while Mike barricaded the doors and windows, with one accord we three began dropping lead into the heathens. They disappeared like magic at the first volley. Then the sun sank.
"‘If we only had a light out there!' moaned Danby. 'They'll rush us in the dark.'
"‘I fear we'll have more light than we want,' whispered Tib. 'Unless they are thoroughly untutored in cussedness, they'll try to burn us out.'
"Danby turned, looked at his white-faced wife, and groaned. Then Tib pointed to the moon ap​pearing over the teak-trees, and told him to cheer up as we should have plenty of light.
"As he said it a dozen forms huddled together, dashed around the house from the rear, hugging the walls of the building, and before we knew were gone in the gloom again. But each in passing had deposited a bunch of fagots against the base of the bungalow.
"‘So that's their game, eh?' mused Tib. 'I thought they'd come the Seneca Indian trick with a flaming arrow into our roof-tree.'
"‘Stand by!' shouted Danby, and we sprang to the rear and sides of the house, for from three directions a man with a flaming torch was running towards us, intent on starting the blaze.
"Danby saw them first, and dropped his man before he had advanced ten feet. Tib nailed number two as he got dangerously close to the tinder by a plunging shot. And even then the kicking rascal tried to hurl his torch upon us. But, although I fired twice, my messenger delivered the goods and scuttled to safety before the others could pick him off.
"Well, sir, the crackle of that little sheet of flame froze me. But Tib, before we knew what he was at, threw open the side door, and, running nimbly around the corner, kicked the bonfire to the four winds and was back again with three pups hanging at his heels.
​"It was all done in two winks of the eye. But Tib was mad. Not mad at the Dacoits so much as he was at their dogs.
"‘Did they hurt you?' wailed Mrs. Danby, as we wrung his scorched old hand and tenderly patted out several smouldering coals on his coat.
"‘Not once,' he growled; 'but how can the fire-company answer a box if those brutes are to remain on the watch to eat him up?'
"And then the full import of the dogs' presence appealed to us. A sally might be made to stop the flames, as the Shan people seemed to have no firearms. But it was a serious proposition to play the hook-and-ladder act with twenty curs waiting for a bite.
"Furthermore, the pests were certainly wise; for they now formed a ring about the two doors and growled heartily. The Dacoits encouraged them with shrill cries, and while we were debating if it would do to waste our precious ammunition on the beasts there came another fagot rush. Only this time two of the hewers of wood remained with us, as Tib expressed it, in statu quo.
"‘Billy,' he whispered, 'I'm afraid, unless something unusual happens, they'll get us before morning. If they do, try to get Mrs. Danby to the river, where you may find a boat.'
"Here he was interrupted by a prolonged howl ​from the jungle, and a myriad of lights appeared on the border of the wood.
"‘Don't shoot until they approach,' commanded Tib, at once detecting the ruse, which was to get us to empty our guns and allow some of them to dash up to the bungalow.
"We could see the lights rush back and forth, weaving in and out, but we held back our lead. Then, from opposite directions, four of them started for us, with several more in the rear to take their places if they should fall.
"They were certainly fanatics, all right. And yet this time, by some very clever shooting, we stopped them more easily than we did on the first occasion, and the brush was not set afire.
"‘I guess we can check 'em unless they all come in a bunch,' decided Tib, wiping the smoke and powder from his face.
"‘It's all up,' hoarsely growled Danby. 'We have only a round of cartridges apiece.'
"You'll admit, sir, that was discouraging, and even old Tib struck his head in despair and sat down to think. Next, to my great surprise, he jumped up and began to whistle a gem from a comic opera he once floated. I concluded his mind was affected.
"While Danby and I were watching the innumerable lights dodging back and forth in the forest, he ​stumbled to the back room. We had no light in the house except what filtered in from the moon, and by a stray ray of this I saw that Danby's face was sunken and clammy white. He had a woman with him, you know.
"‘Tib,' I choked, 'can't you think of something?'
"‘In a minute, dear boy. Wait till I feed these dogs,' he replied, and I stiffened in amazement to note a cheery strain in his voice. Then I heard him: 'Nice doggie, good doggie! Doggie, doggie, doggie! Does he want his supper? Naughty Bruno. Don't be a glutton, Bruno, let Fido have some.'
"‘For God's sake, man, come in here and help us fire the last round!' cried Danby, tense with fear and passion.
"Tib came in on the run, carefully wiping his hands with something.
"‘Could you see a dog at the edge of the clearing?' he asked, sharply.
"‘Ay, all too well,' said Danby, turning from his loop-hole in wonder at the query.
"‘Good!' ejaculated Tib, picking up a revolver. 'Mark me, both of you. When you see a cur with white flanks making for the wood, drill him through the body. But on your life don't shoot till he gets to the edge of the jungle, and then through the body. Remember what I say!'
"‘Stark mad,' whispered Danby, despairingly.
​"‘Hardly,' cried Tib, who had overheard him. 'But I've fed that pup about four sticks of your dynamite. I fed it in little pieces, covered with toothsome oil, and he bolted it bit by bit, and it never touched even the sides of his gullet in going down!'
"‘Fed him dynamite!' I repeated, dully.
"‘Sure! And now I'm going to feed some to a black brute with a shaggy white head. Then to scare them off, for the good Lord only knows what will happen if they get to romping about our back door! Remember the two, white flanks and white head!' And he was back on the run to take up again his job of chef to the canines.
"I could only fall against a table in a stupor. Danby swallowed convulsively, and then muttered, 'Rum cove!'
"Soon a chorus of yelps announced that Tib was feeding out some more tidbits. Imagine the situation if you can, sir. Fixing up four-legged mines, each one a thousand-fold more dangerous than the hound of the Baskervilles! And what if one of the loaded pups should jump against a post or a stone!
"‘Be ready!' warned Tib. 'Number two is loaded. I'm going to try to scare them away with my revolver. One little fellow got a nibble I'd not planned on, and I don't know which one it is. So I'll shoot over their heads. It won't do to explode a bowwow here, as you well know.'
​"A shrill whistle from the concealed marauders saved this waste of cartridges, however. Evidently the foe grew suspicious at the noise made by the dogs and believed we were poisoning them. The whistle caused the brutes to stop their yelping and turn towards the jungle. A repetition of it had them wavering, and the third call sent them all scurrying off in a bunch.
"‘Now look sharp!' cried Tib. 'White head and white flanks! Through the body, you know, to jar that stuff into action. Ah, the white head leads the pack!'
"Bang! Bang! The Englishman and I fired together, and the white-faced dog howled in agony and rolled over.
"Then, bang! boom! And Tib's shot struck him full in the stomach and sent a cloud of dust and twigs heavenward, while the other pups paused in dismay at beholding such extraordinary behavior in a companion. As to the white-head himself, he had disappeared in fine particles.
"‘Quick!' gasped Tib. 'White flanks! Side to us!'
"Danby pinked him as if it were at target-practice, and as white flanks was loaded the heavier of all, his departure was simply a volcano.
"‘Had the inspiration when I happened to sit down on the dynamite. Bless the agent for giving it to me!' murmured Tib, exultantly.
​"‘Deucedly clever, don't ye know,' muttered Danby, going as limp as a rag in a second.
"The silence in the forest was deathlike after we fired the two mines. Evidently the Dacoits were somewhat perplexed.
"‘Where's Mike?' asked Tib, suddenly. 'Quick! Now's the time to clinch this!'
"We found him wrapped in a rug, groaning industriously. We yanked him forth and Danby stood ready to kill him or anything else Tib might order. Our leader, however, unfastened the veranda door and dragged Mike out among the supper dishes. 'Can he make 'em understand?' asked Tib of the excited Danby.
"‘The rascal can talk any dialect in the hills,' replied our host.
"‘Good! Now, Michael, cry out to those people and inform 'em that if they don't leave here immediately we'll explode 'em as we did their howling pack of dogs.'
"Mike, in a quavering voice, gave the necessary information, and soon some one replied from the woods.
"‘What does he say?' I asked.
"‘Oh, sahib, he says if you brought his pets to death by the devil's thunder you are mighty and much to be feared. But he says he has seen guns shoot shells that burst, and he knows it was one of ​those that killed the dogs, and that there is no magic about it.'
"‘It needs just another touch to convert 'em, and we haven't got a single dog in reserve,' groaned Tib, sadly.
"‘But there's one dog still intact,' I reminded him.
"‘Yes, yes, Mr. Smith, the little dog!' urged Danby.
"‘But, hang it all, I only know he was little and that a big pup bit him in the ear when he dodged into the banquet,' lamented Tib.
"‘Little dog, mutilated ear!' I cheered.
"‘Why, say, that certainly does identify him,' cried Tib.
"‘Tell them, Mike, to bring forth a little dog with a bloody ear if they want further proof,' commanded Danby, throwing forward his rifle.
"‘No, no,' cried Tib, 'no gun-play! They'll only think we're shooting exploding-bullets or something. We must make them explode him.'
"‘But how?' I gasped.
"‘Tell 'em to trot him out,' commanded Tib, to Mike.
"The interpreter gave the order, and soon answered. 'They say, sahib, they have the dog,' explained Mike.
"‘Tell 'em to strike him on his side with a big club at least ten times,' directed Tib.
​"And would you believe it, sir, those men did, or started to do, as Tib had ordered? I reckon they were curious, or else believed that no magic would result until the tenth blow, or maybe they decided we were trying to bluff them. Of course it was tough on the dog. At the first smart rap we heard him yelp, and the robbers shouted derisively. But the second blow we were not permitted to hear.
"Instead, there was a dull report, and I believed some one besides the pup had been taken away. It was not so loud an explosion as the other two, and I remembered Tib said the little one had swallowed only one piece of the dynamite.
"But it had a great effect. There was a brief silence, followed by yells of fear. Then a trembling voice addressed us once more.
"‘They want to know sahib, if the big dogs will disappear with a greater noise than the little dogs,' explained Mike.
"‘Always,' affirmed Tib, firmly.
"‘They ask, sahib, if you will withdraw your spell if they go home and never return,' continued Mike.
"‘Tell 'em yes,' directed Tib. 'Only if they cut up again here, or elsewhere, I will fill 'em as full of devil's thunder as I did the dogs.'
"‘Sahib, they go,' proclaimed Mike. And they did.
​ "‘Can't we have that tea now?' asked Tib, playfully, as Mrs. Danby threw herself hysterically into her husband's arms.
"And when the soldiers, met on the road by the runner, came next day, it was to find the trouble over and the Danbys packing up to return to the settlements.
"‘For,' explained Danby, 'I can't live here without roads, and now that my guest has used up all my dynamite, I can't have the roads.'