# St. Nicholas/Volume 32/Number 4/Mrs. Tubbs's Telegram

Mrs. Tubbs’s Telegram.
(A Comedy in One Act.
By Katharine McDowell Rice.
Dramatis Personæ
| Mrs. Tubbs, | | | Mrs. Raven, | } | Neighbors of Mrs. Tubbs. |
| Rowena, | } | Children of Mrs. Tubbs. | Mrs. Donnell, | } | Neighbors of Mrs. Tubbs. |
| Amelia, | } | Children of Mrs. Tubbs. | Mrs. Simpkins, and others, | } | Neighbors of Mrs. Tubbs. |
| Tommy, | } | Children of Mrs. Tubbs. | Telegraph Boy. |
| Teddy, and | } | Children of Mrs. Tubbs. | |
| Other little Tubbs, | } | Children of Mrs. Tubbs. | Place: Kitchen of Mrs. Tubbs at Cinder Corner. |
Tommy Tubbs. Ma, oh, ma! There ’s one o’ them telegrapher boys a-comin’ in here!
Mrs. Tubbs. [Excitedly wiping her hands on her apron] In here! Oh, Tommy, what on earth ’s happened? It must be from your Aunt Sarah. Nobody ever telegraphs here ’less it’s sister Sarah. I hope she ain’t dead! She ain’t seen the parlor sence the rug went down!
Enter Telegraph Boy.
Boy. Telegram for Mrs. Tubbs.
Mrs. T. Oh, you make my heart go ’way down in my throat! Is there any answer to it?
​Boy. Nothin’ said ’bout any answer to me.
Mrs. T. Then it’s death. That’s the only thing there ’s no answer to. I ’m all of a tremble. Tommy, you call Mrs. Raven to read it. [Exit Tommy, calling, “Mis’ Raven!”] You better wait, boy. P’r’aps there’s an answer.
Boy. I can read it for you, if you like.
Mrs. T. No, I ’ve sent for Mrs. Raven now, and she might be offended if she come in and found you readin’ it. Mrs. Raven does all the readin’ for the house. You know Mrs. Raven? [Boy shakes hes head negatively] Well, you will when you see her, ’cause she allus dresses in black. No matter if she ’s buyin’ jest a calico, she never gets anything but black. I guess I ’ll open the telegraph and see if it looks long or short, It’s these short telegraphs that ’s so dreadful. [Opens sheet and looks at it] It ’s a long telegraph; ain’t it, boy?
Boy. [Glancing at telegram] It’s a ten-worder, ma’am.
Enter Mrs. Raven and Tommy.
Mrs. T. [Hands telegram to Mrs. Raven] I am perpared for the werst. I think it must be from sister Sarah—that she has telegraphed she has passed away.
Mrs. Raven. [Takes telegram and reads, her eyes and mouth opening as she does so] Why, Mrs. Tubbs! Who ’d ’a’ thought it!
Mrs. T. [Faintly] Is sister Sarah alive?
Mrs. R. I guess so. I don’t know, [Mrs. Tubbs gasps and closes her eyes| This ain’t from her at all, but it’s a piece of news as must be broke gentle. It ain’t your sister Sarah that ’s dead. This is from your daughter Roweny.
Mrs. T. Roweny dead! [Steadies herself on table, then falls back into chair]
Mrs. R. Bring a dipper of water, Tommy. There! [Throws some in Mrs. Tubbs’s face, then in loud and measured tones] Roweny ain't dead. Nobody ’s dead.
Mrs. T. [Faintly] Why didn’t you say so in the beginning? You said it was bad news.
Mrs. R. I said it was news as must be broke gentle; that ’s what I said, It takes just as good management to break good news as to break bad news; not that I say this is good news. I don’t think it’s wisdom yet for you to know just what kind o’ news it is. But even if it was good news, people has been known to faint and go into fits and have apperplexy and rush a’ blood to the head, and strokes even, over gettin’ good news, and I don’t intend none of these things shall happen to you. Tommy, let your mother drink some o’ that water. [Mrs. T. obeys meekly. Then to Telegraph Boy] You ’d ought to run right back to the telegraph place. You know people say you boys waste a deal of time on your errands.
Boy. [Points to Mrs. Tubbs] She asked me to wait and see if there was an answer.
Mrs. R. [Relenting] Oh, did she? Well, there ain’t none. An’, if there is, Tommy can take it.
Boy. Somebody ’s got ta sign my book. [Mrs. R. takes book and Boy shows her where to sign]
Mrs. R. I can’t never sign in a little place like that. Ain’t there a blank page somewhere? Right in here, you say? Why, look a-here, that’s Mrs, Donnell’s name! Mary Donnell. But she never wrote that, know. Why, that’s real pretty writing.
Boy. There was a young lady there a-callin’ that wrote it for her,
Mrs. R. What’d they get a telegraph about over there, do you know?
Boy. No, ma’am; I don't.
Mrs. R. [Signs in slow, clumsy, labored way] Well, they ain’t got any news equal to Mrs. Tubbs’s news, I can tell ’em that.
Mrs. T. I think I ’m strong enough to hear it now, Mrs. Raven,
Mrs. R. No, you ain't. You ’re trembly as can be.
Mrs. T. Well, let the boy have the pleasure o’ knowin’, He 's been very kind to wait. Tommy, bring him a doughnut. [Tommy brings doughnut. Mrs. R. whispers to Boy, who opens his eyes and draws prolonged whistle]
Mrs. R. [Delighted ut the impression made] I guess you better stay an’hear it. You better set down, too, an’ rest—you little boys has to run so hard over the whole city with all these telegraphs. [Boy seats himself. Mrs. R., with telegram in hand, keeps her eyes on Mrs. T. Reads] “T.P. Form I. Pacific Railway Company’s Telegraph, Terms and Conditions.”
​Boy. You don’t want to read that printin’. It ’s the writin’ below that 's to read.
Mrs. R. [With cold stare] I don’t want to? Who ’s to know as well as I what I want?
Mrs. T. [Motions to Boy not to interfere. Aside to Boy] Don't aggervate her or she might n’t read it, and there ’s nobedy else in the house can read telegraphs till some a’ the children gets home.
Mrs. R. [Drawing Herself up in offended manner| To you wish to hear all the telegraph, Mrs. Tubbs, or only part of it?
Mrs. T. Let me hear it all. I am perpared for the worst. You tell me it ’s from Roweny, and she ain’t dead. I only hope she ain't crippled. [With sudden fear] Oh, Mrs. Raven, it ain’t that; is it?
Mrs. R. No, no, no. In fact, this telegraph as much as says she never will be crippled.
Mrs. T. [Moans] But that shows there ’s been an accident or they would n’t be sayin’ anything about her bein’ or not bein’ crippled.
Mrs. R. Now I'll wait until you are calm again. [Mrs. T. motions to Mrs. R. to proceed]
Mrs. R. [Reads] “All messages are received by this company for transmission subject to the terms and conditions printed on their blank form No. 2, which terms and conditions have been agreed to by the sender of the following message.” [To Mrs. Tubbs] You see, Roweny had to agree to all this [Points to top of telegram], and it is only proper [Looks severely at Boy] we should know what she ’s agreed to. You understand, Mrs. Tubbs, they told Roweny all this, and she was willin’ to agree to it all?
Mrs. T. [Wiping her eyes] Roweny was allus a good girl. She ’d be willin’ to agree to it if they told her it was all for the best.
Mrs. R. [Reads] “This is an unrepeated message, and is delivered by request of the sender under these conditions.” That ’s Roweny, you know. She ’s the “sender.” You understand all that, don’t you, Mrs. Tubbs?
Mrs. T. I don’t think I quite understand about its bein’ an “unrepeated message,” or somethin’ like that.
Mrs. R. You could n’t be expected to understand that with your nerves all unstrung as they be, It means this; [Significantly] Roweny did n’t want this telegraph repeated all over New York; she just wanted it to you from her.
Mrs. T. Roweny was allus so considerate.
Mrs. R. So even this boy did n't know what it was till I told him. Did you, boy?
Boy. No, ma'am; I did n’t,
Mrs. R. It’s a great deal nicer to have ‘em come unrepeated. Prob’ly they cost a good deal more, but Roweny would n’t mind that.
Mrs. T. I allus told Roweny she was far too ready to spend her money tn little ways on me. She ’d really ought to sent it cheaper.
Mrs. R. Well, evidently Roweny ain’t stoppin’ for money these days. [Looks closely at telegram] And she ’s got the name of the superintendent of the telegraph works on here, and about six other names—all of ‘em great persons from the way their names read.
Mrs. T. Roweny was allus a great hand for gettin’ people’s names. She got the Sunday-school superintendent and a lot of other names on her recommend papers when she went away.
Mrs. R. I don’t know as there ’s any need o’ readin’ all these names. They ‘re sort o’ foreign-lookin’ and hard to pronounce, not but what I could pronounce ’em if I took time to it, but we ’ve seen enough to know the telegraph is all right.
Mrs. T. I thik I ’m strong enough now to hear what Roweny has wrote, Mrs. Raven.
Mrs. R. Well, you do look better. [Regards her critically] Your countenance is better.
Mrs. T. If there ain’t any answer the boy ought n’ ter wait. You ’ve told him the news, and Tommy, you give him another doughnut. [Tommy runs for doughnut and presents as before. Exit Boy]
Mrs. R. I ’ll tell you one thing at a time, Mrs. Tubbs, and see how you take it. Roweny’s got three children.
Mrs. T. [Gasps and clutches Mrs. R.] Roweny—three children!
Mrs. R. She don’t say whether they ‘re girls or boys, She just says: [Consults telegram] Three children.”
Mrs. T. I don’t see why Roweny should be adoptin’ children. She ain’t got no home for ‘em and they can’t come here. Can you understand it, Mrs. Raven? I ’m sure I can’t.
​Mrs. R. Yes, I can understand it perfectly, and so can you when it ’s all broke to you.
Mrs. T. I wish I could hear it just as Roweny sent it.
Mrs. R. Well, it’s well you did n’t, ’cause if your nerves is so overwrought now, what would they be if you ’d ’a’ known it all to oncet? [Noise outside. Mrs. Donnell’s voice heard calling out in excited tones to some neighbor]
Enter Mrs. Donnell.
Mrs. Donnell. [Rushes in with arms upraised] Ach, what has happened? Poor Mis’ Toobs! I see the boy had a tilegraph for Mis’ Toobs. We had a tilegraph, too,’bout one o’ Mamie’s b’ys; he ’s died from overstudy of the brain. And soon’s I could, I run over to see what bad news Mis’ Toobs had. The tilegraph b'y was here so long I thought she might ’a’ gone into a dead faint or somethin’, but I could n’t come sooner. Did yere tilegraph come paid?
Mrs. R. [Grandly| Yes, Mrs. Tubbs’s come all paid, and it was an unrepeated message and cost nobody knows what. The boy even said he did n’t know what was in it. It was very private—just from Roweny to her mother.
Mrs. T. I ’d be glad to have Mrs. Donnell stay and hear it, Mrs. Raven.
Mrs. D. [Takes seat] Thanks. How fortunate ye was here to break the news, Mis’ Raven.
Mrs. R. [Majestically] I was n’t here. They sent for me. And I got here in time to save her——yes, before she ’d heard a word of it. If I had n’t’a’ been home the telegraph boy would have read the whole thing right out to her. [Mrs. Donnell breathes a deep sigh of relief]
Mrs. T. [To Mrs. Donnell] Roweny ’s adopted three children. [Mrs. Donnell holds up hands in surprise and dismay]
Mrs. R. You ain’t heard it all, Mrs. Tubbs. The children belongs to her husband, He’s a widower.
Mrs. T. Roweny married! [{{sc|Mrs. Raven]] motions to Tommy for more water. Both women bend over Mrs. Tubbs]
Mrs. R. This is just what I knew would happen if we broke it sudden. But she may as well know all the rest now. Yes, Mrs. Tubbs, Roweny is married to a gentleman with three children; and can you bear it all right if I go on, Mrs. Tubbs, and tell you the rest? [Mrs. Tubbs nods her head energetically] Her husband is a millionaire!
Mrs. D. [Throws up both arms, dipper flying across the room] Ye don’t say! Ye don’t say! Well, well, this is cause for congratulations. I ’m awful glad for ye, Mis’ Toobs, and all yere family. I only hope it won't take ye away from Cinder Corner, but I s’pose the next thing ye ’ll be livin’ with Roweny on Fifth Avenue. Well, well. They say stranger things happens in rale life than in books, and I begin to belave it.
Mrs. T. [Gazes about in dazed way] There ’s no mistake about it?
Mrs. R. [Reads in self-vindication] “Have married a millionaire. Three children. Return home Thursday next.”
Mrs. T. [Takes telegram and gazes vacantly at it] Nothing sister Sarah did ever surprised me so much as this. To be sure, she married a rich man, but she allus said she was goin’ to, and so nobody was much surprised. But Roweny has allus said she was n't goin’ to marry anybody. She allus said she wanted to go as a missionary to the heathens, and I don’t see how she come to change her mind.
Mrs. R. Well, I guess it would change anybody’s mind to get a millionaire as easy as Roweny ’s got hers.
Mrs. D. There goes Miss Simpkins. I must tell her the news. [Motions frantically from window]
Enter Miss Simpkins, in great concern.
Miss Simpkins. What is the matter? Mrs. Tubbs had one o’ her spells?
Mrs. R. I broke some news to Mrs. Tubbs too hasty, I ’m afraid, We had a telegraph here this morning.
Miss S. [Snaps off her words] You did! Why, I ’ve been settin’ right in the window trimmin’ a new hat, and I never once saw the telegraph bey, nor didn’t even see Mrs. Donnell come over.
Mrs. R. [Impressively] It was an unrepeated message.
Miss S. Oh,that explains it. I thought the telegraph boy could n’t been on the street and I not know it.
Mrs. R. [Patronisingly] The telegraph boy ​brought it just as he would a common repeated message; but this was a special message, it said, from one person to another, and nobody is allowed to know of it but the two persons and the superintendent of the works. They cost something fearful, these unrepeated messages. The boy did n’t say how much.
Miss S. I never even heard of them. [Stiffly] Perhaps I ’d better not stay if it ’s so dreadful private, [Rises to go]
Mrs. T. I want Miss Simpkins should know the news. She ’s allus been a good friend to Roweny. Set down, Miss Simpkins,
Miss S. [Seats herself] Oh, ’t was from Rowena, was it? I s’posed, Mrs, Tubhs, it was from your sister. I ’m awful sorry if anything’s happened to Rowena.
Mrs. R. Well, it has happened, and you need n’t be sorry, neither.
Mrs. D. It ain’t bad news: it’s about the best ye can guess. Roweny Toobs is married to a man with three million dollars.
Miss S.. Geodness! Where ’d she find him?
Mrs. D. We don’t know.
Mrs. R. [Reads telegram] “Have married a millionaire. Three children, Return home Thursday next.”
Miss S. Well, I don’t envy her with three children to bring up. But I will say Rowena Tubbs will make a good step-mother.
Mrs. R. I’ve always said as how something good would come to Roweny Tubbs from her bein’ so faithful to Sunday meetin’.
Mrs. T. [On verge of tears] She allus went twice a day.
Mrs. R. She always went, whatever the weather and [Looks significantly at Miss Simpkins] whether she had a new hat or not. But here comes the children. They must hear the news, But it can be broke different to children. They never take anything hard.
Mrs. R. [Catches hold of children] Children; something has happened, and I want you to hear it. [Arranges them in line] Now, in the first place, do you know what a millionaire is?
Teddy. [Raises hand] It ’s a kind of naughty mobile.
Mrs. D. [Proudly| Well, now, that is an idea; ain’t it? I should n’t wonder if Roweny would ride right up to the door on her orter-mobile; and it would be the first one on the street!
T. Is Roweny comin’ home? Hooray! hooray! [Children all caper about]
First Little Tubbs. When ’s she comin’, ma? Can I set up to see her?
Second Little Tubbs. Can I set up to see her?
Third Little Tubbs. Can I set up to see her?
Mrs. R. [Again lines up children] Your mother has had a telegraph this morning.
Children. Oh?!
Amelia. [Pertly] Was it from Aunt Sarah?
Mrs. R. No; it was from Roweny.
A. I did n’t know she had a telegrapht. I thought only Aunt Sarah had a telegrapht.
Mrs. R. [Impressively] Roweny will have everything your Aunt Sarah ever had.
A. [Whimpering] Has Aunt Sarah died?
Mrs. R. No, child, [Goes to Amelia] Stop crying. Nobody said your Aunt Sarah had died.
A. [Nods] You said Roweny was to have all her things.
Mrs. R. I said no such thing. Roweny will have as much as your Aunt Sarah ever had. Listen. Do you know what a millionaire is?
A. [Catches her breath as she speaks in broken sentences] When it’s a man it’s four horses, two behind the others; and when it’s a woman it ’s a cloak lined with fur on both sides, and long feathers on their hats, and everything set in di’monds. [Mrs. D. nods approvingly]
Mrs. R. Do you know what it is for a person to get married, Amelia?
A. Yes,’m.
Mrs. R. Well, what is it?
A. [Trying for some time to form a definition] It ’s what Miss Simpkins ain’t.
Miss S. [Rises tn high dudgeon] Well, I declare! I ’ve a mind to leave this house and never set foot in it again!
A. Oh, Miss Simpkins, please don’t, I did n’t mean anything, I might just as well have said what sister Rowena ain’t. Sister Rowena ’s never going to marry. She said people could do just as much good ’thout bein’ ​married, And she’s goin’ to the heathen some day and take me with her. Please don’t be mad at me, Miss Simpkins. Rowena says we must never let people stay mad at us. We must n’t let the little mad grow into a big mad, but we must take it right at the beginning and tell any one we ’re sorry, and ask them to forgive us. [Clings to Miss S., who shows signs of leaving] Please don’t be mad, Miss Simpkins.
Miss S. Well, I won’t, then. But you may as well know, Amelia, that Rowena ’s changed her mind and decided to get married.
A. [Runs to Mrs. T.] Oh, ma, it isn’t true, is it? [Receives confirmation from Mrs. T.] Oh, is n’t it dreadful? [Weeps]
Mrs. R. Roweny’s husband has lots of money, and she will give you whatever you want.
A. [Between sobs] Does it say so in the telegrapht?
Mrs. R. Not in so many words, but it means that. You prob’ly won’t know your sister in all her fine fixin’s when she drives up with all her horses and servants.
A. [Stoutly] I don’t want sister Rowena that way. I want her just as she always is. I can’t touch her if she ’s that way, and I want to put my arms around her as I always do.
Boys and Girls. [Whimper in chorus] We want sister Roweny as she always is. We don’t want her the new way. We want her the old way. We don’t want her married to a naughty mobile, [Sobbing and howling of the children]
Mrs. R. ’Sh! ’Sh! Land sakes! If ever I hear such goin’s-on! Well, it ’s good the whole thing is decided, for Roweny is just one of those home bodies that she ’d change her mind if she knew they all felt this way. The telegraph don’t say “May marry” or “Goin’ to marry”; it just says “Married.”
Chorus of Children. [Emphatically] We don’t want her married!
Miss S. Well, when I see such performances as these I must say I don’t envy Roweny, startin’ in with them three children.
Mrs. R. [Loftily] Those children are all provided for. Every one of them will have more money than any of us ever dreamed of. Amelia, go to the board and divide a millionaire into three parts. [To Mrs. T.] It’s nice, havin’ a board right here for figgerin’, Mrs. Tubbs.
Mrs. T. Roweny got it for the children to do their sums on, [Amelia goes to blackboard, and after more or less erasing, exhibits the figures 1,000,000.00]
Mrs. R. [Disappointedly] Is that a millionaire? Well, it ’s the poorest lot o’ lookin’ figgers I ever see for a rich man. It ’s all naughts and ciphers. Can’t you get in some 8’s and 9’s and rich-lookin’ figgers?
A. [Pertly] That is the way teacher told us to write a million.
Mrs. D. [To Mrs. Raven] Should n’t she put one of those big S’s with two lines runnin’ through it?
Miss S. [Quckly, with importance] You mean a dollar-mark. Yes, you ought to put a dollar-mark, Amelia.
A. I don’t know how. Teacher has n’t got us to that yet.
Mrs. R. My hand’s a little lame or I ’d do it. Could you do it, Mrs. Donnell?
Mrs. D. I ain’t niver made one.
Mrs. T. I’ve seen Roweny make ’em. I think I can make one. [Mrs. Tubbs is escorted to board, and after the figures 1,000,000.00 makes a dollar-mark turned wrongly|
A. Oh, is that what you mean? I can make that. But it ought to go to the front. [Makes proper sign at beginning and starts to rub out Mrs. Tubbs’s at the end]
Mrs. R. What you doin’, Amelia?
A. I’m goin’ to rub this one out. It ’s turned wrong and don’t belong at this end.
Mrs. R. [Severely] Don’t you think o’ rubbin’ it out! It gives a prosperous look to have one at each end. Now, you divide it by three children, Amelia. [Amelia puts division-sign, which she erases twice, and then a figure three before it, which she also erases until suited, then begins operations]
A. [Singsong] Three into ten, three times and one over; three into ten, three times and one over; three into ten, three times and one over; three into ten, three tines and one over, ​Mrs. R. [Who has regarded Amelia from the first doubtfully] Now you ‘re runnin’ to 3’s, just as you run to naughts and ciphers. You could run it around the world, at that rate.
A. That’s what teacher said. You can run it on, just as long as you bring down ciphers.
Mrs. R. [With superiority] That ’s a lot of nonsense. What’s your answer, Amelia?
A. [Glibly] I don’t know yet. I have n’t counted up. It depends on where I put this dot. If I put it here [Makes large dot], the answer is thirty-three cents; and if I put it here, it is three dollars and thirty-three cents; and if I put it here, it’s thirty-three dollars and thirty-three cents; and if I put it here, it ’s three hundred and thirty-three dollars and—
Mrs. R. Well, that ’s gettin’ more likely, ‘cause it don’t stand to reason that those children has got a millionaire for a father and only thirty-three cents apiece. [All shake heads negatively] But I can do that sum a great deal better in my head, anyway, than with figgerin’. Now, I should say this way. [Amelia leaves the blackboard and joins others] In the first place, how many thousand in a million?
Miss S. I don't know exactly, but I should say about a hundred.
Mrs. D. [Smiling] I was goin’ to say a hunderd. [Neighbors all acguiesce]
Mrs. R. Well, we'll call it a hundred, then, so long as we ’re all agreed. You ‘re satisfied with that, ain’t you, Mrs. Tubbs, to have a million mean a hundred thousand?
Mrs. T. Whatever you say, Mrs, Raven.
Mrs. R. Well, then, the way I should do this sum in my head is this: There’s a hundred thousand to be divided among the three children, Now, if there had been a hundred children each would have had a thousand; wouldn’t they? [All nod at one another and at Mrs. Raven in agreement] Now wait a minute; I’ve got this all in my head. [Presses her temples with both hands] Don’t speak to me. [All watch Mrs. Raven intently] Now, you see, there ain’t but three children, so that leaves ninety-seven children who have got to give their share to the three children. Now each of these ninety-seven children says: “I have a thousand,” “I have a thousand,” and so on, You can represent the children. [Motions with hand to each one before her, who says in turn, “I have a thousand”, Mrs. Donnell smiling blandly as she speaks, Miss Simpkins snapping off her words, as usual, the children as though it were a game, and all following, with intention, Mrs. Raven’s lead] Now, you see, there are not enough of us to be all the ninety-seven children, but we get the idea all right that each child has a thousand of its own. Now, the next step is—[Hands on temples—apparently holding head together] It's all here. [Agitatedly] Don’t speak to me. [All watch intently as before] These ninety-seven children give away their shares to the other three. These three chairs can stand for the three children. [Arranges chairs in group, dislodging the occupants to do so. Extends her hand graciously toward the three empty chairs] I give you my thousand. [Motions to next to follow, and one after another, inclining head toward chairs or making a gesture of handing over something, Says: “I give you my thousand,” until all have said it, the children being especially enthusiastic, going up to chairs and bowing as they say, “I give you my thousand,” now quite convinced they are playing some game] Now, you see, the money is all with these three children [Motions to chairs], and we must see how many times three will go into ninety-seven. [All go into calculation, some on their fingers, others doing imaginary sums in the air, etc., etc.]
Miss S. [Hesitatingly] Would n’t it be a little over thirty-two?
Mrs. D. [Smiling blandly] That is just what I was goin’ to say.
Mrs. R. [Emerging from deep head-work] Yes, we can call it thirty-three. These children [Motions to chairs] will have thirty-three thousand dollars apiece. [Hearers are duly impressed]
Amelia. [Crying] That 's just what I got [Points to board], and you said it was n’t right.
Mrs. R. [Opens her mouth and eyes wide in astonishment as she looks toward blackboard] Why, did you get that, Amelia? Why, so you did! [Leniently] That was all right, Amelia. [All nod approvingly at Amelia.] And by doing it both ways we are sure it’s right. But, you see, by doing it in our heads we all understand just how the three come by their share.
​Miss S. [Rises] Well, I guess if Roweny’s children get thirty-three thousand apiece I need n’t worry over ‘em. Good-by, Mrs. Tubbs. Sorry to have you leave the neighborhood, but you ’ll find it nice up on Fifth Avenue. I was up there once. The streets is wider than these, and it's quite a different place. I’m told there ain’t the runnin’ from house to house that there is here at the Corner, and that people ain’t over-neighborly, and don't sometimes speak to people livin’ right on the same block; somebody said next door, but I won't believe it’s as bad as that. But you ’ll have all your family with you, so you won’t mind. Don’t forget your old friends at Cinder Corner, Mrs. Tubbs. [Shakes.. Mrs. T.’s hand]
Mrs. T. [Much affected] Indeed I won't, and you must all come and see me, I sha’n’t never feel to home up there, I don’t believe I ’ve never even seen the place,and I much rather stay here.
A. [Positively] I sha’n’t go to live on any o’ them avenoos. If I can’t go to the heathen with Roweny I ’m goin’ to stay right here at Cinder Corner. [Children show that they share Amelia’s sentiments]
T. [From window] Here comes Roweny now!
All. Roweny! [All run to door]
Rowena. How glad I am to see you all! I thought first I could n’t come till next Thursday, but suddenly found they would let me off and I took the next train, [To Mrs. Tubbs] You got my telegram, mother, and know that I am married? [Goes toward Mrs. Tubbs]
Mrs. T. Yes. My good Roweny. [Embraces her]
Miss S. We all want to congratulate you on doing so well, Rowena.
Mrs. D. That is just what I was goin’ to say. [All nod in agreement]
R. Yes, I have done well. I have married a splendid man, who is as much interested in the work as I am, and when you see him I know you will congratulate me indeed.
Miss S. Work? We did n’t suppose you’d have any work to do any more.
R. No work! Why, I could n’t live without work. What do you mean?
Mrs. R. What did you say in your telegraph about your husband?
R. Why, I don’t remember saying anything about him except that he was a missionary.
All. A missionary!!
A. Oh, I’m so glad: [Dances about Rowena; other children, catching Amelia’s spirit, testify in various ways to the rejoicing]
R. He is a missionary. One of the foremost workers for years, We sail for Africa next week, which will be the scene of our first labors together. And some day I shall send for you, Amelia, as I promised. And Miss Simpkins, I think there is a fine opening for you there to teach sewing in one of the girls’ schools. In fact, there is work for all of us—even for my three dear step-children.
Mrs. R. What is your husband worth?
R. [Laughs] Worth his weight in gold,
Miss S. We got the impression you had married a man with lots of money.
R. Money? Well,hardly. The Board allows us a nice salary—all we shall need. [Mrs. Raven hands Rowena the telegram]
R. [Reads] “Have married a millionaire.” [Laughs merrily] A millionaire! Oh, of all things, they took my word “missionary” for “millionaire”! It must be those long s’s I make. But you could n’t have believed it! What in the world would a millionaire have wanted of me for a‘ wife—me, Rowena Tubbs! [Laughs long and merrily]
Mrs. R. [Comes forward] Well, for my part,—and I guess we ’re all agreed,—I think any one as gets Roweny for a wife, whether he ’s a millionaire or a missionary, is a lucky man.
All. [Crowding around Rowena, clapping hands and otherwise assenting] That ’s right. Good, good!
Quick Curtain.