# Court Royal/Chapter XIV

CHAPTER XIV.
THE MONOKERATIC PRINCIPLE.
‘You are a capital girl,’ said Lazarus, ‘and I will not forget what you have done. The Ems water was no loss to cry over, as the demand for it is slack. I am grateful, and to show you my gratitude I will give sound advice.’
‘Advice!’ echoed Joanna contemptuously. ‘That costs nothing. Take mine, and get into your clothes.’
‘To be sure I will,’ said the Jew. ‘Whilst I am getting on my garments, do you, Joanna, see that the back-yard is clear, and bolt and bar the door. I’ll provide that the sink window is fastened up to-morrow. Every downstair window but that has iron bars. That, I suppose, was neglected because it looked into the yard. How did they get the window open?’
‘Go to your room and get on your clothes, and I’ll find out.’
‘To be sure. I am shivery, and might catch cold, and be forced to send for a doctor. Look here, Joanna; after this affair there will be no more sleep to-night for either of us, so I will allow you to light the fire. We will sit up and talk matters over till daybreak.’ Then he retired to his room, taking the candle with him, and locking his door behind him.
Joanna took the lantern. She examined the window that had been entered. The burglars had affixed a diachylum heart-plaster to a pane of glass, and cut the pane out. By this means it had been removed noiselessly, and was laid outside against the wall, unbroken. She found the door in the yard open, as she expected. The burglars had come in over the wall, but had escaped by means of the door.
She made all the doors fast, and put a tray before the paneless window to exclude the cold. Then she lighted a cheerful fire in the stove. By this time Lazarus was clothed and came out of his room.
‘I think,’ said he, ‘as there is a good fire, we might get the Persian carpet down from the roof and dry it. Always kill two birds with one stone, if they will stand for it.’
Assisted by the Jew, the carpet was brought down and hung on a horse in the kitchen.
​Then Lazarus drew his chair to the fire and warmed his palms at the blaze.
‘When I consider,’ said he, ‘the deliberation and coolness with which you worked off those burglars, all I can say is you ought to have been a Jew.’
The girl made no reply. It was a matter of indifference to her whether she were a Jew or a Gentile. She collected the broken stone bottle sherds from the floor and mopped up the slop of mineral water.
‘I have been counting the Ems water,’ said Lazarus; ‘there are but six bottles left.’
‘You are not going to make me drink the remainder, are you,’ asked Joanna, standing up, ‘to show that you are grateful because I saved your house from being burnt and your throat from being cut?’
‘No, I am not,’ answered Lazarus.
‘Whatever you do won’t cost you much,’ said Joanna.
‘Now, don’t say that,’ Lazarus remonstrated, nettled with the truth of the observation; ‘I am not bound to do anything for you.’
‘Nor was I bound to save your roof from flames and your throat from the knife.’
‘How coarsely you speak!’ said Lazarus. Then he was silent, looking into the fire and then at Joanna, with something trembling on his tongue, yet doubtful whether to utter it. Probably he had resolved not to speak, for he merely said to himself, ‘Ems ain’t bad; but its day is over. Double dahlias one day, single next. Such is the world. So the pendulum swings.’
Joanna continued her work without a reply.
‘You are a good girl,’ he added, looking into the fire; ‘there is a splendid future in store for you, only you don’t know it. When that does break on you you will cry out, “O Lazarus! O Lazarus!” and swoon away for delight.’
‘I’d rather have something now,’ said Joanna; ‘the gift of a sheet in winter is better than the promise of a blanket in summer.’
‘You are fed, clothed, shod at my expense,’ said the Jew. ‘Your mind has been formed and your morals moulded by me. You have no cause to grumble.’
‘Fed on scraps, clothed in rags, and educated to keep your accounts,’ muttered the girl.
​‘You are discontented, peevish, and don’t know when you are well off.’
‘Every man knows the warmth of his own jacket,’ said Joanna.
‘How I’ve stored your mind with knowledge!’ exclaimed the Jew, ‘You know the value of an article as well as I, whether furniture, plate, clothing, china. I’ve taught you a lot of useful information, summing, bookkeeping.’
‘What is the good of striking matches for those who don’t want light?’ asked the girl, sullenly.
‘What has put you out of temper to-night, Joanna?’
‘I have good reason to be in bad humour. What have I done for Mr. Cheek that he should give me the silk dress and the necklace? Nothing but amuse him for an hour. What have I done for you? Everything. I have saved your house from fire and your throat from the razor. What do I get in return? Nothing.’
‘I am not ungrateful,’ said Lazarus, seriously, ‘Wait a bit longer, my girl, and I will show you that I am not, I cannot tell you now what I will do for you, but I will in time. I promise you this—you shall have a reward such as you have not dreamed to possess. Have I ever failed to keep my word, Joanna? No, never; it don’t pay in business to be shifty about promises. Now you have alluded to Mr. Charles Cheek, I wish to speak to you about him, and to give you a word of advice.’
‘Which again will cost you nothing,’ threw in the girl.
‘It is clear to me, Joanna, that Mr. Charles Cheek is interested in you. Now, you are no longer a child. You have swelled on my good fare into a big, handsome girl, not at all of the ordinary type. If Mr. Cheek continues to come here, you are the attraction. I am well pleased that he should come here, and provide beefsteak pie and champagne, and if you behave discreetly all is well. He is weak and careless, and you may entangle him in a web whilst I suck his blood; but let it be understood between us that I will not have you entangled in any thread of his spinning—not caught by finger or toe, Joanna. Keep your head clear and your heart cool. Be very careful of yourself, not to allow the smallest feeling of regard to lodge in your bosom; if you do you lose all control over yourself.’
‘What is the advantage of offering a wig to one with a head of hair?’ asked the girl, contemptuously. ‘I know how ​to take care of myself. Tell me now, who is this Charles Cheek?’
‘He is the offspring of the Monokeratic principle.’
‘Of what?’
‘Of the Monokeratic system of business,’ answered Lazarus.
‘I do not understand.’
‘I will explain to you. Sit down, child, on the other side of the fire. Old Joe Cheek—Lord! I knew him well, years ago, with a little shop and a long head. He was in Devonport when he began, but Devonport wasn’t a sphere for one like him, so he moved up country. Not content with a small retail shop, he opened a store of combined grocery, haberdashery, stationery, hosiery, wines, drugs, and oriental goods, and sold everything for ready money. Others have done the same, but not on the Monokeratic system.’
‘What is that?’
‘Well, he advertised all over England, “Try Cheek’s Monokeratic system.” “Monokeratic” is a Greek word, and means “the unicorn.” Cheek’s system is the unicorn system. That is the principle on which he does business and realises a great fortune.’
‘What is the unicorn system?’
‘The system of ready money. Most tradesmen have two systems—the cash system and the credit system, and they do business on both. Cheek does solely ready-money business.’
‘So do others, but they don’t call it by so wonderful a name.’
‘Exactly, and that is why they don’t make it answer so well. It is because Cheek calls a simple thing by a sounding name that he does a roaring trade. You know nothing, Joanna, worth calling knowledge if you do not know this, that English people love humbug as Italians love oil and Spaniards love garlic. Nothing goes down with them in politics, religion, business, unless it be seasoned to rankness with humbug. Mr. Cheek is sufficiently man of the world to know that, and sufficiently clever to take advantage of it. If old Joe Cheek did as others, and sold for tenpence cash what his neighbours sold for a shilling credit, he would not have many customers, but he has managed very cleverly. Every article is priced at credit value, and when a customer leaves his shop he is given a cheque for the discount. He pays full credit price as cash, and receives the discount back as a cheque to be deducted from his bill when next he purchases at Cheek’s. Do you ​understand? By this means he secures the return of the customer, who thinks he must come back and buy something more so as to recover the money on his cheque.’
‘But if he does not go back?’
‘Then he forfeits it. He has paid credit price in cash. This is the Monokeratic principle of business. You have no idea what a fascination the name and the cheque exercise on simple people.’
‘But what has this to do with the unicorn?’
‘Nothing whatever. The unicorn has one horn, and Cheek one way of doing business. That is the connection of ideas. The great charm lies in the word “Monokeratic,” of the meaning of which the purchasers have not the smallest idea.’
‘And he does a good business?’ asked Joanna, interested.
‘A roaring business. I wish I did one half as good. I lent him money when starting; but I knew my man. He slipped out of my fingers very quickly.’
‘He must have brains,’ said Joanna with admiration.
‘He has indeed.’
‘Then Mr. Charles is his son?’
‘Yes—without the brains.’
‘Is he in the business?’
‘Oh dear no! Charlie is far too fine a gentleman to soil his fingers with trade. He can spend money, but cannot make it. Old Joe Cheek was very anxious to have his son in the concern. His idea was not bad. The old man is a Dissenter and a Radical, and he wanted Charlie to be a Churchman and Tory. Then he calculated each could milk his own cow. But Charlie had not the pluck and energy for it. There is where we Jews have the pull over you Christians. Now and then you have among you a man of genius who makes a business, but the son has not his ability or perseverance, and lets it fall. With us the faculty of business is transmitted hereditarily, like our features; it never fails, leaps a generation, dies out.’
‘And Mr. Charles—what does he do with his time?’
‘Throws it away. Faculties? Throws them away. Money? Throws it away. He has come to me for money, and I have helped him. The old man turns rusty at times; but everything must go to Charlie in the end, as he is the only son; and then the business also will be thrown away.’
‘I suppose,’ said Joanna, ‘if he be such a fool, he may even throw himself away.’
Lazarus looked at her in surprise. ‘You are clever,’ said ​he, ‘but not clever enough to manage that. The thing you must consider is, to keep yourself secure. I don’t want to lose you as I lost——’
‘Lost what?’
‘Rachel.’
‘Who ran away with Rachel?’
‘Never mind. No one you ever heard of.
‘Where is she now?’
‘I have told you I do not know.’
‘Is she alone?’
‘I do not know.’
‘Is he with her?’
‘No.’
‘I suppose,’ said the girl, ‘if the burglar had cut your throat to-night, that Rachel would have heard of it, and come and claimed everything—your money, your jewels, your plate—and turned me out penniless.’
The Jew was startled, and looked at Joanna speechlessly.
‘You have never been legally divorced?’
‘No. I don’t fling money among lawyers. We are separated for ever practically, though perhaps not legally.’
‘Then she could take everything you have—or had, supposing your throat cut?’
‘I suppose so,’ was his slowly uttered reply, and he rubbed his legs before the fire, frowning and studying the coals.
‘Joanna,’ he said, after consideration of some minutes, which she did not interrupt, ‘that shall never be. Rather than that I will bequeath everything to you, every stick in the storerooms, and crumb in the larder, and farthing in my chest.’
‘That is your most sensible course,’ said Joanna; ‘that suits me better than stale advice and flat Ems.’
‘I will do it,’ said the Jew. ‘I will write to Crudge.’
‘I will bring the pen and ink at once.’
‘Not now—there is time. I’ll do it some time.’
‘That will not suit me,’ said Joanna. ‘What has to be done must be done on the spot. Do you not see that your interests are at stake? You secure me in the shop, ensuring my caring for everything as if it were my own, protect yourself against peculation by me,’ she laughed mockingly. ‘You tie me to you as a faithful servant for ever. I shall no more grumble. I shall be active, and on the alert to drive hard bargains. I shall be bound to you Monokeratically.’
‘What do you mean? How Monokeratically?’
‘By one principle, the strongest of all—self-interest.’