# Her Benny/Chapter 14

CHAPTER X.
A Glimpse of Pradise.
I know not how others saw her,
But to me she was wholly fair;
And the light of the heaven she came from
Still lingered and gleamed in her hair;
For it was as wavy and golden,
And as many changes took,
As the shadow of sunlight ripples
On the yellow bed of a brook.
J. R. Lowell.
For the next month Benny lived in a seventh heaven of delight. The only drawback to his happiness was that Nelly was not alive to share his good fortune. Time was mercifully blunting the keen edge of his sorrow, and day by day he was getting more reconciled to his loss. Yet never a day passed but that he wished a hundred times that his little sister were still with him, that they might rejoice together in his good fortune. He knew that she was better off, and even hoped that she was not altogether ignorant of his success in life. Yet how much pleasanter it would have been, he thought, if they could have journeyed on through life together.
Benny had wonderful dreams of future success. Though not of a very imaginative temperament, he could not help occasionally indulging in day-dreams and castle-building, and ​some of his castles, it must be admitted, were of a most magnificent description.
He saw the glowing heights before him, the summits of which others had reached, and why might not he? He certainly had commenced the ascent: what was there to hinder him from reaching the top? Had not granny told him of poor Liverpool boys who, by perseverance and honest toil, had become wealthy men, and were now occupying high and honourable positions? Surely, then, there was a chance for him, and if he did not succeed it should not be for want of trying.
He felt that already he had got his foot on the first rung of the ladder, and if there was any chance of his reaching the top he would do it. And as he thought thus, the future opened out before him in glowing vistas of unimagined beauty.
He knew that he must wait many years; that he must work hard and patiently; that perhaps many difficulties would arise that he could not foresee; still, still, across the boggy valley the mountain rose with its sunlighted crown, and the question came back—Others had reached the top, then why might not he?
It is true he never attempted to put these thoughts into words. They seemed to him too big for utterance; yet they were always with him, lightening his toil and brightening the long future that lay before him.
If Benny had been of a less practical turn, of mind, he might have done what so many others have done—dreamed his life away, or waited idly for fortune to drop her treasures ​in his lap. But Benny, notwithstanding his occasional day-dreams, was sufficiently matter-of-fact to know that if he was to win any success in life, it must be by hard work.
He was already able to read very creditably. But now a new desire seized him—he would learn to write as well. But how was he to begin? He had to confess that that was a poser, for neither granny nor Joe could give him any assistance. Still he had set his heart upon learning to write, and he was not to be defeated.
So one day he said to one of Mr. Lawrence's clerks—
"Does yer think, Mr. Morgan, that I could learn to write if I was to try very hard?"
"Of course you could, Benny," said Mr. Morgan, looking kindly down into the dark earnest-looking eyes of the office boy. For Benny had done several little things for Mr. Morgan, and so that gentleman was disposed to be kind to the little waif.
"But how is I to begin?" said Benny eagerly.
"I'm busy now," said Mr. Morgan, "but if you will wait till to-morrow, I'll bring you a slate and pencil and will set you a copy, and then you'll be able to begin right off."
Just then Mr. Lawrence called Benny from the inner office, and sent him with a note to Mrs. Lawrence, with instructions to wait for an answer.
"You know the way, Benny?"
"Yes, sir."
"But you've never been to the house?"
"No, sir."
​"Then how do you know the way?"
"It's where you has the music an' 'love at home,' sir, ain't it?"
Mr. Lawrence smiled and said—
"You are on the right track, Benny, I think. Go to the house, and give this note to the servant that opens the door, and say that you have to wait for an answer."
"Yes, sir," said Benny, bowing very politely, and hurrying out of the office.
Benny had often longed to listen under the window of Mr. Lawrence's house, that he might hear again the song that had so touched his heart, and see again the little angel face through whose intercession he owed his good fortune; for Mr. Lawrence had hinted as much as that to him. But even if nothing had ever been said, he would still have connected Mr. Lawrence's kindness to him with his little daughter, who had spoken so kindly to him in the hour of his sorrow and despair, and whose bright shilling he still kept, and regarded with almost superstitious reverence.
But he had never dared to listen under the window again; he felt somehow as if he had no business in that neighbourhood, no right to look upon the face of his little benefactress; so he kept away and spent his long winter evenings by granny's fireside, poring over the few books that she and Joe were able to procure for him.
Benny could not help wondering, as he hurried along the streets, holding the letter very carefully in his hand, whether he would see again the little face at the window ​or hear her voice in song. He hoped that one or the other would greet him; but he was disappointed in both. No face was at the window, no sound of music floated out on the bright frosty air.
He pulled the door-bell very timidly, and then waited a long time very patiently for the door to open. It was opened, however, at length, and, bowing very low, he said, "Please, 'm, here's a letter from the master, an' I's to wait for an answer."
"You'll have to wait some time, then," said the girl, scornfully, "for Mrs. Lawrence has gone out; but come inside," and she shut the door with a bang.
"May I wait here?” said Benny, looking round the roomy hall.
"Yes," said the girl; "I'll have no brats in the kitchen; you can sit on that chair if you like;" and she hurried downstairs.
Benny obeyed, and sat for a long time holding his cap between his knees. At length, as he was growing rather impatient, he heard a light step on the stairs near him, and, looking up, he saw his little benefactress descending, carrying a huge doll in her arms.
Benny felt himself growing hot all over, for he had no idea whether it was the proper thing to stand or sit still, so he shufﬂed about on his chair in a very uneasy manner.
The girl looked at him curiously for a moment, and then came towards him, saying—
“Are you not Benny, that papa has in his office?”
​"Yes, 'm," said Benny, shuffling dangerously near the edge of the chair, and blushing to the roots of his hair.
Looking up, he saw his little benefactress.
"Don't be frightened," she said, noticing his embarrassment. "I've been wanting a long time to see you. Are you waiting for something?"
"Ay," said Benny, regaining his composure; "the master sent me with a letter, an' told me to wait an answer."
​"Well, mamma won't be in yet, so you can come into the nursery; it is warm there."
Benny had not the remotest idea what a nursery was, but he followed his guide at what he thought a very respectful distance, and soon found himself in the most wonderful room he had ever seen in his life. Toys of every description were scattered about, and pictures of every description adorned the walls. A swing was suspended from the ceiling in the centre of the room, and in the nearest comer was a dolls house furnished in magnificent style. But what most attracted Benny's attention was a huge rocking-horse. At first he thought it was alive, but soon found out his mistake, though his wonderment was not in the least diminished by his discovery.
Little Eva Lawrence was evidently amused at Benny's astonishment, and after regarding him for some time with a merry twinkle in her eyes, said—
"Did you never see a rocking-horse before, Benny!"
"Never!" was the laconic reply.
"Would you like to ride, Benny?"
" Wouldn't I just!" he said, his eyes beaming with pleasure.
"Well, here are the steps; take care you don't fall off, though," said Eva.
"Oh, never fear," said Benny, mounting the horse." Now for't, miss, an' see if I ain't a stunner at it !"
And the next moment our hero was sprawling on the floor in the middle of the room.
​"Golly!" he ejaculated, picking himself up with a bewildered air, and scratching his head. "I's floored, to a sartinty."
"You tried to go too fast to begin with," laughed Eva; you'll do better next time.
"May I try again?" he questioned.
"Oh, yes," was the reply; "I want you to enjoy yourself."
And enjoy himself he did, to his heart's content. After awhile Eva said, "Now, Benny, I want to know more about you: won't you tell me something about yourself and about your little sister?"
"Ay, that I will, if you wish," said Benny, sitting down in a low chair before the fire. And in his simple childish way he told her all the story with which the reader is acquainted—for he had lost all shyness now—told it with a simple eloquence and pathos that brought the tears again and again to his listener's eyes. Ay, he wept himself when he told of his little sister, of her goodness and of her love. He did not even hide from his listener the story of his temptation, and how but for his little Nelly he would have been a thief in act as well as in heart.
With the account of little Nelly's death Eva was much affected, and Benny sobbed again as the recollection of his loss came back to him.
"I thought I should ha' died when she were took," said he, between his sobs.
"Poor little boy!" said Eva, soothingly; "but you see your little sister's words have come true, after all."
"What words, miss?"
​"Why, what you told me just now, Benny,—how the Lord would provide."
"Oh, ay," said Benny, reflectively, "though I wur as near as nothin' to starvin', the day I fust seed you."
" Were you? Then perhaps the Lord sent me to help you.*'
" Oh, no doubt on that score," said Benny, stoutly; "I's sartin about that matter."
"Do you go to Sunday-school, Benny?"
Benny shook his head.
"Nor to church or chapel?"
"Not since that night me an' Nelly went, that I told you 'bout."
"How is that?"
"Well, we did try to get into another place o' the sort, smarter like, but the gent at the door shoved us out, an' said there wur no room for such brats as us, an' told us to off 'bout our bizness."
"Poor boy!" said Eva, wondering if he came to the chapel she attended if he would not receive similar treatment. At length she looked up and said, "I would go to that chapel again, that you and Nelly attended, if I were you, on a Sunday. It would not be closed then, and I'm sure that kind gentleman would be glad to have you in the Sunday-school."
"Oh, then, I'll go," said Benny, who felt that this little girl's wish was law to him.
Soon after Mrs. Lawrence came in, read her husband's note without a word, and hastily wrote a reply.
​"Make haste, Benny" she said kindly, giving him the letter she had written. "I'm afraid Mr. Lawrence will think you've been away a very long time."
Benny took the letter without a word, and hurried away with a heart fall of gratitude for the kindly treatment he had received. It seemed to him as if that day he had had a glimpse of Paradise, and had spoken to one of God's angels face to face.
How bright and smooth his path of life was growing! He almost feared sometimes that he was dreaming, and that he would awake and find himself destitute and forsaken.
He was now beginning to enjoy life, and as he looked back upon the past he almost wondered how he and his little sister had managed to live in those dark years of cold and want.
When Joe Wrag first heard of Benny's good fortune he lifted up his hands, and said in a voice of reverence—
"The Lord is good ! the Lord is good!" Then after a moment's pause he went on, "But oh! what an old sinner I've a-been, to be sure!"
"How so?" said Benny.
"How so? 'cause as how I turned my back upon God, an' tried to persuade mysel' that He had turned His back on me. Oh, I did, lad, an' in my heart I called Him 'ard names. I didn't dare say it wi' my lips, but in my heart, boy, I said He wur cruel—that He wur a monster, that He had no feelin', that He had shut the door agin me, when all the time He wur a-sayin', 'Joe, come back, come back, ​for there's room in the Father's heart and home for thee.' But, oh! praise His name, He sent His hangel to tell poor owd Joe the way, an' reveal the Father's love—He did, boy, for sure."
"His hangel, Joe?" said Benny, trying in vain to comprehend all Joe had said.
"Ay, His hangel, boy. An' that hangel war little Nell, bless her! she's wi' Him now, in the land where there's no more sorrow nor pain, an' Joe's on the way."
And the old man looked up into the star-bespangled sky, as if he would look through the very floor of heaven.
Benny thought of all this, as he hurried from Mr. Lawrence's door, and felt as if he, too, had had an angel sent from God to help him on the way to heaven.
Poor boy! he did not see the heavy cloud that was gathering in the sky, nor the dark and painful paths that lay before him, which he, with bruised and bleeding feet, would have to tread. He only saw the promised land, bathed in sunshine and clad in beauty, a land where plenty reigned and want could never come, and knew not of the weary wilderness that lay between. He thought that he had passed through the wilderness already, and that all the sorrow, and hunger, and pain lay behind him.
It was well he did so. Let him enjoy the sunshine while it lasts, and dream his happy dreams of coming joy. The awaking will come all too soon. Poor boy! may God protect him in the struggle of life.