# The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift/Volume 2/The History of Martin/The History of Martin

THE
HISTORY OF MARTIN;
HOW Jack and Martin, being parted, set up each for himself. How they travelled over hills and dales, met many disasters, suffered much from the ​good cause, and struggled with difficulties and wants, not having where to lay their head; by all which they afterwards proved themselves to be right father's sons, and Peter to be spurious. Finding no shelter near Peter's habitation, Martin travelled northwards, and finding the Thuringians and neighbouring people disposed to change, he set up his stage first among them; where, making it his business to cry down Peter's powders, plasters, salves, and drugs, which he had sold a long time at a dear rate, allowing Martin none of the profit, though he had been often employed in recommending and putting them off; the good people, willing to save their pence, began to hearken to Martin's speeches. How several great lords took the hint, and on the same account declared for Martin; particularly one, who, not having enough of one wife, wanted to marry a second; and knowing Peter used not to grant such licences but at a swinging price, he struck up a bargain with Martin, whom he found more tractable, and who assured him he had the same power to allow such things. How most of the other northern lords, for their own private ends, withdrew themselves and their dependants from Peter's authority, and closed in with Martin. How Peter, enraged at the loss of such large territories, and consequently of so much revenue, thundered against Martin, and sent out the strongest and most terrible of his bulls to devour him; but, this having no effect, and Martin defending himself boldly and dextrously, Peter at last put forth proclamations, declaring Martin, and all his adherents, rebels and traitors, ordaining and requiring all his loving subjects to take up arms, and to kill, burn, and ​destroy all and every one of them, promising large rewards, &c, upon which ensued bloody wars and desolation.
How Harry Huff, lord of Albion, one of the greatest bullies of those days, sent a cartel to Martin, to fight him on a stage, at cudgels, quarter-staff, back-sword, &c. Hence the origin of that genteel custom of prize-fighting, so well known and practised to this day among those polite islanders, though unknown every where else. How Martin, being a bold blustering fellow, accepted the challenge; how they met and fought, to the great diversion of the spectators; and after giving one another broken heads, and many bloody wounds and bruises, how they both drew off victorious; in which their example has been frequently imitated by great clerks and others, since that time. How Martin's friends applauded his victory; and how lord Harry's friends complimented him on the same score; and particularly lord Peter, who sent him a fine feather for his cap, to be worn by him and his successors, as a perpetual mark for his bold defence of lord Peter's cause. How Harry, flushed with his pretended victory over Martin, began to huff Peter also, and at last downright quarrelled with him about a wench. How some of lord Harry's tenants, ever fond of changes, began to talk kindly of Martin, for which he mauled them soundly; as he did also those that adhered to Peter, How he turned some out of house and hold, others he hanged or burn, &c.
How Harry Huff, after a deal of blustering, wenching, and bullying, died, and was succeeded by a good-natured boy, who, giving way to the general bent of his tenants, allowed Martin's notions ​to spread every where, and take deep root in Albion. How, after his death, the farm fell into the hands of a lady, who was violently in love with lord Peter. How she purged the whole country with fire and sword, resolved not to leave the name or remembrance of Martin. How Peter triumphed, and set up shops again, for selling his own powders, plasters, and salves, which were now called the only true ones, Martin's being all declared counterfeit. How great numbers of Martin's friends left the country, and, travelling up and down in foreign parts, grew acquainted with many of Jack's followers, and took a liking to many of their notions and ways, which they afterwards brought back into Albion, now under another landlady, more moderate and more cunning than the former. How she endeavoured to keep friendship both with Peter and Martin, and trimmed for some time between the two, not without countenancing and assisting at the same time many of Jack's followers; but, finding no possibility of reconciling all the three brothers, because each would be master, and allow no other salves, powders, or plasters, to be used but his own, she discarded all three, and set up a shop for those of her own farm, well furnished with powders, plasters, salves, and all other drugs necessary, all right and true, composed according to receipts made by physicians and apothecaries of her own creating, which they extracted out of Peter's, and Martin's, and Jack's receipt-books; and of this medley or hodgepodge made up a dispensatory of their own; strictly forbidding any other to be used, and particularly Peter's, from which the greatest part of this new dispensatory was stolen. How the lady, ​farther to confirm this change, wisely imitating her father, degraded Peter from the rank he pretended as eldest brother; and set up herself in his place, as head of the family, and ever after wore her father's old cap, with the fine feather he had got from Peter for standing his friend: which has likewise been worn, with no small ostentation, to this day, by all her successors, though declared enemies to Peter. How lady Bess and her physicians, being told of many defects and imperfections in their new medley dispensatory, resolve on a farther alteration, and to purge it from a great deal of Peter's trash, that still remained in it; but were prevented by her death. How she was succeeded by a north-country farmer, who pretended great skill in the managing of farms, though he could never govern his own poor little farm, nor yet this large new one after he got it. How this new landlord, to show his valour and dexterity, fought against enchanters, weeds, giants, and wind-mills, and claimed great honour for his victories, though he oft-times b-sh-t himself when there was no danger. How his successer, no wiser than he, occasioned great disorders by the new methods he took to manage his farms. How he attempted to establish in his northern farm, the same dispensatory used in the southern, but miscarried, because Jack's powders, pills, salves, and plasters, were there in great vogue.
How the Author finds himself embarrassed for having introduced into his History a new sect, different from the three he had undertaken to treat of; and how his inviolable respect to the sacred number three, obliges him to reduce these four, as ​he intends to do all other things, to that number; and for that end to drop the former Martin, and to substitute in his place lady Bess's institution, which is to pass under the name of Martin in the sequel of this true History. This weighty point being cleared, the Author goes on, and describes mighty quarrels and squabbles between Jack and Martin; how sometimes the one had the better, and sometimes the other, to the great desolation of both farms, till at last both sides concur to hang up the landlord, who pretended to die a martyr for Martin, though he had been true to neither side, and was suspected by many to have a great affection for Peter.
* ↑ This History was inserted in the former editions of the Tale of a Tub, under the title of 'What follows after Sect. IX. in the Manuscript;' but in subsequent editions was omitted, by the dean's direction, in order to remove the censure of those who put a construction on it foreign to his design. As in these cooler times the whole allegory has been justly esteemed, the reader will doubtless be pleased at our having preserved this part of it from oblivion.
* ↑ 'A panegyrical Essay upon the number Three' is among the treatises advertised at the beginning of The Tale of a Tub.