# Tiberius Smith/Chapter 10
### X AN APPRECIATIVE JUNGLE

"FROM retailing justice we jumped to the pier to meet the circus boss, just returned from England, and before the cab had landed us at the Broadway office we had consented to engineer a brand-new deal, twofold in its incentive. First, we were to escort a slap-bang animal-show around the Southwestern circuit, penetrating the home of the frijoles and tortillas, and wrench from the childish grasp of the Aztecs enough crude silver to pay expenses. We were to go to Chihuahua, and possibly farther. Secondly, we were to pick up a troupe of bull-fighters and Mazeppa-like dons for a big Wild-West show. The latter was the real object, only we wished to invade the firesides of the Montezumas in an off-handed manner, with our mission slightly disguised.
"Well, everything went along in the rut of dull routine until after we left El Paso. Then the curiosity of the mestizos, who form one-half of the population of old Mexico, and who, by-the-way, are in ​a state of slavery but slightly removed from the conditions after the Spanish Mayflower tripped into the coast, began to furnish us with annoyance.
"However, we had been chambermaids too long to such outfits as our show to be bothered extensively, and although pestered we retained our health and several colonies of fleas, and had exhausted Chihuahua, and were about to close with a tempting offer to show for the winter in Mexico City, when a sun-kissed peon, with a large quantity of aguardiente concealed about his person, came to our show-tent and tried to bite his way by the rotund Vermont man without crossing our palms with silver. That's largely metaphor, as we let them in for what they had, except the alcalde, who entered deadhead. 'Take what you can,' was our motto; but the half- breed forestalled a shake-down by explaining, in badly fractured English, that he had a message for Don Hidalgo Tiberio, which he would only deliver in return for a front seat. It was written by an Americano, he said, who was in Quelta, an adjacent town.
"We yanked him within the portals and placed him perilously near the hyena's cage, and then received the note. I could see Tib was worked up over the contents, for his round face was drawn down in four curves as he digested it.
"‘Too bad, Billy,' he said, in a whisper. 'And one of them worked in Vermont once.'
​"‘Poor devil!' I sighed; for I knew my irrelevant remark would make him mad.
"‘Certainly it's poor devil when a white man fresh from that blessed State is in this plight,' he snapped, his brown eyes becoming two points. 'Here, read.'
"It seems there were four 'poor devils,' all Americans. They were in Quelta, the letter said, waiting to be sent to the salt-mines for life. Now a man who knows Mexico would rent the salt-mines out to his dearest enemy and live in Hades—if he owned both. The letter was a brief one, the writer merely stating his prospects, and saying he had heard from his guards of Smith's presence in Chihuahua. He begged Tiberius to rescue him if he had any love for the children of the Star-Spangled Banner.
"Tib knew Spanish more or less, chiefly less, but he carried a gilt-headed cane that would make up the difference in effect on the average alcalde, and a quick trot to the halls of justice gave him an insight to the situation. It seems Murphy, the writer, and his friends had been foolish enough to hire out as a train-crew on the Central, and that their train, near Quelta, had run over a big-bug's hired man. Now the average peon, after absorbing all the visible supply of aguardiente, will hunt all over the map for the most outre place in which to sleep off his Alice-blue rabbits, and nothing appeals to his sordid imagina​tion so much as a busy railroad-track when it comes to trundle-beds. But while the United States lines yearly cause the battle of Gettysburg to blush when it comes to boasting of carnage, our little brunette brother beyond the Rio Grande has a way of making it uncomfortable for train-crews when a simple life is crushed out. It isn't because a peon is highly prized as a bit of social bric-à-brac, but because, I reckon, the train-crews are usually made up of, or bossed by, Americans.
"The alcalde admitted the defendants had no course to choose, except to run over the man, but he added, with a graceful flirt of his hands: 'The man is dead. What would you have? The lesson must be taught.' He also said that the three judges who sat on the case, at first were of the inclination to let a line of barefooted riflemen toy with the quartet behind a 'dobe wall. 'But,' he concluded, 'we are merciful—we are merciful.'
"After kicking the hyena to stop his howling, Tib sat down by the bear-cage that night and thought steady for ten minutes. Then he jolted his hat over his right ear, and I began to realize we were about to become fair and merry knight-errants.
"‘Billy,' he declared, 'I could never paint polka-dots on a greyhound and believe he was a leopard if I left those men to go to the country of saline pursuits. Once we can get them out of Quelta it's ​a quick dash to the Rio, and farewell to the dons of the blue Pacific.'
"That was his poetry. Whenever he was stung into radical action he always talked in circus type. But he had a scheme back of it all that caused my sapphire eyes to bulge out and touch the walls of the tent. I asked him if we were to invade a lunatic asylum that we must indulge in such opera bouffe. I even doubted if Murphy and his friends would submit to being rescued by such legerdemain.
"‘I've thought it all over, and it's our only way,' replied Tib. 'The relatives of the decedent would go without fire-water a week if those sons of Uncle Sam would only escape into the open and give the bereaved family a chance to shoot them up. Why, look! They are doing real work out-of-doors, and I don't doubt but what their guards are yearning for them to make a break for liberty. If they did they would never get ten miles from Quelta. So, my way is the only way, my bosom the only haven of refuge.'
"The upshot of it all was I hustled back to El Paso, where we had some green-room effects of a new opera stored, and as fleet-footed as possible I hiked back to Chihuahua, accompanied by two big trunks. Meanwhile, Tib had sent our bill-poster to Quelta to hang up a few valentines, advertising the coming of the show, and incidentally to slip ​into Murphy's hand a note of minute instructions.
"This done, Tib tried to get me to go north and sit on the farther bank of the Rio and await the last curtain. Of course I wasn't for that, and he blessed me and said we would probably wind up as salt-miners. Then he directed me to throw some hardware and cartridges into the cages, and on Saturday morning, with two closed animal-wagons, we started for Quelta. We had one man who could drive chain-lightning, let alone the most erratic Mexican mule, and, best of all, we could trust him. He had lived in Mexico for years, but had never forgotten he came from the land of greatness and graft. He led the way, while Tib and I did the brake act on the second tally-ho. The rest of the show we left at Chihuahua.
"It took us a day to cover the short stretch over their rotten roads, but at last we arrived at Quelta amid a Toltec buzz of excitement, and pitched the side-show tent, as if preparing for the Sunday performance. Tib explained to the head Injun of the town, who met us two miles out of the place to make sure of the tickets, that if the rest of the treat arrived per schedule, Quelta was to enjoy a highly moral entertainment that would be the red-lettered starting-point on all Mexican calendars for all hence. And he cemented his promise with a sheaf of free ​passes. You can wager the mayor was there with a group of corn-fed peasants to erect the tent when we did arrive. And so the time came for us to set down and wait.
"‘My plans are built like a watch, and if it don't happen in five minutes I've missed fire,' groaned Tib, as we unlocked the covers to the carts.
"Then it happened. First we heard a yell; then half a dozen champagne-bottles opened in quick succession, and the little chapel-bell began ding-donging excitedly.
"Next, with fierce panting, four men burst through the chaparral that came up to the rear of our tent and plunged inside the white walls. I had just time to notice they were haggard and unkempt, and then in a second the wooden covers were down to allow them to enter the cages, and then snapped back in place again.
"I'm afraid, Billy,' declared Tib, calmly, as he began sorting out some posters, 'that the rest of the show won't arrive in time for to-morrow's performance.'
"Just as he said this a bevy of villagers, headed by our trusty driver, Collins, burst through the canvas, yelling and brandishing carbines and other impedimenta.
"‘Four men escaped from the soldiers, Mr. Smith, ​and I told the guards I thought they came this way,' panted Collins, with an expressive wink.
"‘What?' roared Tib, in Spanish. 'Law-breakers escaped! Free passes to the brave men who capture 'em. I believe they did pass this way behind the tent in the brush. I heard a crashing and thought it was a mule. My lion growled fiercely. Hark! He is growling now!"
"The gang paused in running away to hear the growl, and Tiberius, standing near Murphy's cage, hissed, 'Growl, you villain, growl!'
"And thereat a most blood-chilling roar came from Murphy's den, and the others, to make sure, began to throw in a series of yells that would cause a Bowery gallery-god to go home and through sheer envy take lessons. The crowd fell back in a wave; it simply swept 'em off their feet, sir. To cap the climax, Collins cried: 'Don let 'em get excited, Mr. Smith! Remember the three men mauled to death in El Paso!'
"After they'd gone, Tib turned to me and grinned. 'I think we'll win the trick. And isn't that Collins a jewel!'
"Now each cage was divided by a grating of bars, and in each cosey nook was one of the comic-opera suits I'd brought from El Paso. In designing these animal make-ups Tib had made use of air-chambers, so that when a man got tucked into one and ​the bicycle-pump had been agitated for padding, you had a real, lifelike beast, with muscles standing out like barnacles on a forgotten dredge. Of course, at the best it was a fierce counterfeit, and when the quadruped forgot and stood on his hind-legs the effect was simply stupendous. First, Tib ordered Murphy to slip into the lion's pelt, and Murphy was mad. He said he was Irish and would pose as a harp, but never as an emblem of Merry England. Tib talked to him like a hired man to a sick horse, and at last the metamorphosis was effected. Then the others were speedily transformed into a black bear, a tiger, and a hyena respectively.
"After they had struggled into their masquerades and Tib had used the pump on the air-pockets, we dropped the covers to get the tout ensemble. Dear, dear! Serious as the situation was, Tib and I sat down and cried like children. And then if you could only have heard 'em swear! All four going at once, with their front paws thrust through the bars and shaking at us. They were half starved and hysterical, you see; besides, there are cooler things in Mexico than fur suits. But Tib soothed them down at last and reminded them of what they were missing in the salt-mines, and they promised to be good and not cuss any more. As they were quieting down and we were replacing the covers, the alcalde's amazed head was thrust inside the ​flaps, and he said: 'I heard you shouting at the beasts, señor. Such a confusion, I had to look within. Surely, they must be devils. I must see them all to-morrow.'
"Tib snapped the barricades in place in a jiffy, and said, stiffly: 'I never give a performance unless I have all my animals. These are but the advance-wagons and tent. If the others do not arrive, I cannot exhibit.'
"‘But, señor, I have tickets. I have invited my friends. As alcalde I shall command you to exhibit to-morrow to prove you are not a humbug,' cried the intruder.
"‘That comes of profanity, Murphy,' groaned Tib, after the alcalde left us. 'I brought these suits along as a safeguard, so that if any one should get a peep the fleeting glance would not arouse suspicion. Now, hang it all! we've got to give a performance to placate the mayor. For if we don't we can never leave town. So you've got to learn your wild-wood lessons, my lads.'
"Tor mercy's sake, gimme a drink of water!' moaned the bear.
"‘A sup of th' crathur!' howled Murphy, and before we could quiet them we had to pass a bottle.
"We didn't dare allow them to remove their disguises, and between the temperature and the fleas I am afraid they passed a troubled night. But early ​next morning we fed them up and carefully outlined what they were to do.
"‘Above all things, Murphy, don't swear,' begged Tib. 'It's immoral, and again, lions, as a rule, eschew profanity. And don't, Reynolds, don't sit with folded arms. That's too much, even in a hyena. Crouch, that's the idea, crouch! and snarl occasionally. The tiger must lie on his side, asleep, the lion on his stomach, dignified and solemn, and the bear should huddle up in a ball.'
"Then the unthankful beasts began to protest, and Murphy and Reynolds wanted to be the tiger and sleep, but Weisman swore he'd claw the lining out of any one that disturbed his feline ease. Burke, the bear, didn't know what kind of a noise to make, and it took Tib ten minutes to teach him to say 'woof' in a bruinesque manner. Then we took each one in turn and gave the key, and made him practise his call of the wild so there would be some individuality. Then we waited for the mayor.
"I remember Tib wore a pink shirt and a suit of clothes that reminded me of a backgammon-board. But it would have done you a world of good, sir, could you have seen him walking to the entrance in his old, cheerful manner, smiling pleasantly as he confronted the rabble and explained that no show would be given until all of his menagerie had arrived. He compromised, however, by explaining that the ​alcalde and his friends could come in for a private inspection of the few animals now on hand, and the alcalde silenced all grumbling by telling the crowd that Don Tiberio was an honest man to refuse their money until he had his best to offer. Then Tib took up the passes and called me to stand guard while he harangued the mayor and a dozen men and women on the marvellous points of his collection.
"‘I can't see in the bloody thing,' growled the lion, as the party swept inside.
"‘Silence!' roared Tib to the king of beasts, in English. 'The villagers approach. 'Tis better to be a circus lion than a delver after table-salt, known only by a number. Remember that, my lad.' With this admonition he began to spiel to the jabbering, half-clothed jays in his unique Spanish.
"‘Fear them not, señors and señoritas. For though they rage and writhe in anger, they know their master's voice.—Look out, Burke, pull in your left leg!'—the last in English. 'They never dream of incurring my displeasure. Nero, here, your excellency, ate three men and two women before he was brought low in captivity, and has added a choice collection of thumbs and fingers to the total since then. The villagers near his wild, free home called him "Ah-Ghee-Dah," which being interpreted means, "He-Who-Eats-Men-Gladly." Growl, Murph. Ah, not so loud. Even a lion has ​limitations,' And the sound of the Irishman buying freedom with a series of bull-like bellows swept by me and caused the chocolate populace without to shudder.
"‘Now we come to the hyena, the most treacherous of all beasts,' continued Tib, skilfully drawing the spectators away from Murphy's cage, as that animal, I observed with horror, tried to scratch his left shoulder-blade with a most unlion-like contortion. 'His record was kept for three years by my head trainer as to the number of digits he has chewed off, then the task was given up because of its monotony. So, not too near, señors and señoritas—not too near. See him show his teeth in vain—show your teeth, Reynolds—repining for his native lair. Note his antipathy to Nero, the monarch of the Abyssinian wild, for he hates and dreads his roar.—Roar, Murph.'
"But Nero, in desperation to escape a flea, began to clamber to his hind legs, and Tib saw the move just in time to jump to the bars and smite him on the nose.
"‘Damn ye!' mumbled Nero.
"‘By all the saints! it sounded as though he spoke!' gasped a little, dried-up señorita.
"‘Ahem! His long association with men has given his hoarse growl an almost human quality,' said Tib, his face going a bit white. 'Or maybe ​it's because of the men he has eaten. Down, you devil! down!' he cried, jumping to the hyena's cage and striking him with his cane to distract their attention. Reynolds was lying quiescent at the time, and at the blow promptly raised his head in amazement. 'Snarl!' hissed Tib, in English, and Reynolds made good with a long-drawn hoot that sounded like a barn-owl suffering from diphtheria.
"‘These idiots will see their finish yet, Billy,' cried Tib to me, in disgust. 'It's them to the salty brine all right, I guess.'
"This caused the quartet to overdo it as they attempted to cinch freedom by cunning acting. None of them had ever read nature stories, however, and only Tib's ready cane and warning—'Back! back! Not too near!'—saved the day. 'Where I can approach with impunity,' he explained, turning easily to the alcalde, 'you would feel their cruel fangs. Ah, bite, would you?' This to the bear, who was lying perfectly quiet, and Tib gave him a poke that brought a cloud of dust from his flanks, whereat he raised his paw to straighten his head, that now was at right angles with all the laws of nature.
"‘Behold the lion about to spring!' shrieked Tib, thrusting into the ribs of the king of the forest and thus bringing him into a more reasonable posture.
"‘Fer th' love iv—o-o-o-gh!' spoke and snarled Murphy, in his rich brogue.
​"‘Wonderful!' gasped the alcalde and his followers.
"But I never heard a lion use such a delightful Irish accent before or since in giving his howl of rage.
"‘Now we come to the Royal Bengal tiger, bought by me from the Sultan of Skowhegan for ten thousand dollars,' rattled Tib, rapidly, drawing his audience to the second bin. To his horror he found the royal stretched out on his stomach, legs straight behind, while the head, turned upside down, stared complacently at the top of the cage. 'Notice the wonderful elasticity of his neck,'—and snap! Tib had reached in and turned the head-piece into place. It simply swept 'em off their feet, sir. It didn't need a naturalist sharp to detect that the tiger was abnormal in some respects.
"‘Thanks, mate,' growled Weisman. 'The dust—'
But the lion and the hyena promptly came to the rescue and drowned the visitors' exclamation of wonder in a series of prolonged yells that put crimps in my tympanums even out at the entrance.
"‘Ah, he purrs, señors. He purrs, señoritas.—Purr, Weisman. At last he is in good humor,' cried Tib. Then in sotto English: 'Group your legs, you would-be suicide! Cluster yourself! It's no use, Billy,' cried Tib to me. 'I would have saved them if I could, but they won't have it so;' and all ​the time he was pointing dramatically at the bear. 'Kindly throw something at Murph. He's about to stand up.' I tossed a tent-peg, that didn't do the harp a bit of good, and his muttered curse was only drowned by Tib's addressing the bear.
"Well, sir, it was the most sweaty fifteen minutes I ever put in. You see, if the game was discovered, we were in as bad a box as the fugitives. And when the sight-seers began to file out I felt as limp as a rag.
"‘I shall come again when the whole menagerie is here,' declared the alcalde, on leaving. 'Wonderful and marvellous!'
"‘Scene first and curtain,' panted Tib, closing the tent-flaps leisurely, while I shoved bottles and fodder to the animals. In three seconds their disgusted faces were slipped free from the head-pieces and were busy with food and drink.
"Then we held a council of war and decided we would leave immediately while the alcalde and other citizens were having their siestas. And the way Collins and a dozen peons emulated the Arab in striking that tent was a caution. From the natives we learned the guards had got no trace of the fugitives, and that Chihuahua was being searched by inches. Tib accordingly decided to skirt the town and make for the Rio.
"We got away from Quelta all right, and when​ever we met any of the home people we stopped and inquired for the missing caravan, while the inmates of the wagon let off a few howls to heighten the effect. By night we were abreast of Chihuahua and drove slowly north until morning, when we got a change of mules. Then we crept nearer freedom, but never appearing to hurry, and on the second night out we allowed the four men to ride on top of their homes in their underclothing. But with the sun they again put on their trimmings and hopped inside. By this time Tib and I were nearly dead for want of sleep; for although we let Collins slumber every little once in a while, we dared not quit our posts. At last we neared the Rio, and the men wanted to take off their suits and make one dash for it, but Tib said nay. On inquiring from a half-breed we at last learned we had only a few miles to make.
"‘Now let's go through with a rush,' I suggested, wearily.
"‘We'll have to,' replied Tib. 'I see the glitter of their shields.'
"And looking back I made out a party of horsemen galloping a mile in our rear, while the sunlight played brightly on something they carried in their hands.
"With a yell to the mules we bumped and tore along, the heavy wagons swaying fearfully as we ​went down a decline. Nearer and nearer crept the pursuers, their shouts now reaching us, but before they could get within good shooting distance we caught the glimmer of the Rio, where in the dry season the stream is a mere trickle. Smash went the head cart against a bowlder, and a wheel was broken into toothpicks. Then in a second we were all out, making for the rock-studded stream, while the soldiers coming up dismouted and began to take pot-shots at us.
"They had got wind of our game someway and did not seem to be greatly surprised at beholding four fierce denizens of the jungle scrambling, wading, and swimming through the stream, each armed with a rifle or revolver.
"I reached home-base first, closely followed by Collins. And, sir, I shall never forget that spectacle. There was the lion, unable to loosen his head-piece, swearing profusely in rich Celtic as he sent back shot for shot. There were the hyena and tiger, very chummy, using revolvers. And in the rear, in the midst of the danger zone, old Tiberius was ruining his show-clothes by supporting the bear by the scruff of the neck. I howled to the lion, and he fiercely turned and went back to assist my patron. Once they got Burke ashore we found a neat bullet-hole through his neck, but no arteries or large veins were cut. And I didn't feel a bit bad when I saw ​that two of the enemy needed the kind care of a physician when they rode away. But, incidentally, we lost one of the best animal shows that was ever foolish enough to leave the States.