# Confessions of a Thug/Vol 1/Chapter 5

CHAPTER V.
wherein the old thug ends his tale.
"'I thought I should have died, my son,' said my father, at length; 'and see what a black heart that villain must have to treat an old man after that fashion. My curses on him and his! he will prosper awhile, but judgment for this and all his villanies will at last overtake him.'
"'Tell me,' said I, 'what quarrel there is between you, and what cause he has to persecute you in this manner.'
"'Listen,' he replied, 'and you shall know. Some years ago, when you were but a boy, Jeysookhdas, who was the principal sahoukar in the village, died. On his death-bed he sent for me, and delivering over his family to my care, entreated me as a Moosulman, and one of the ​faithful, to protect them against this Brij Lall, whom he had in the public durbar at Nagpoor beaten with a shoe, for slandering him in the vilest manner, with the intent of ruining his reputation. In fact, Brij Lall had accused him of making away with some of the revenue; for Jeysookhdas was the channel of payment not only of the revenue of our village, but of those around us, amounting in the year to nearly a lakh of rupees. Fortunately for him, the character of Jeysookhdas stood too high for the aspersions of a low wretch like this to hurt it, and no notice was taken of what he had said. But the insult he had received never left the mind of Brij Lall. He brooded over it, and made every attempt to ruin my old friend; who, as he had powerful enemies at the court, was ever afterwards kept in continual dread of being plundered under some false accusation, or cast into prison. At length however he died; and in our last interview he implored me to lose no time in sending off his wife and family to their country, Marwar, with their jewels and what money I could collect. I did so as soon as I possibly could, under an escort of our people, in case they should fall in with other Thugs on the road.
"'They had scarcely been gone a week, when this Brij Lall and another mootsuddee came with ​an order from his master, Narayun Pundit, the Peshkar, to seize Jeysookhdas's family and effects. The order was a verbal one, and this being a very unusual circumstance, I directly refused to give any intelligence about the family, or account of the effects of the deceased. Brij Lall began to threaten, and at last became grossly abusive to me, on which I beat him with my shoe, had him turned out of the village, and he was pelted with mud and stones by all the idle lads, as he was conducted beyond the boundaries.
"'I never heard anything more of Brij Lall; but I knew he was my enemy at court, as I could get no justice for many complaints I made against the ill conduct and aggressions of a neighbour, who had not only encroached on my boundaries, but seized grain which had been cut, on several occasions. This annoyance at last reached such a height, that I determined to send a deputation to the court to petition for redress. It was however fruitless; my people were openly opposed by Brij Lall, who it seemed had risen into great favour and power: I was openly accused as a usurper of the patelship of our village, a person was set up by Brij Lall as the descendant of the real patel, and so ​much countenance and support were given him, that my people returned to me in great alarm, and utterly discomfited.
"'Since that time, my son, now about five years ago, I have been constantly alarmed by reports which have reached me through my friends at Nagpoor. I have been warned to beware of assassination, to allow no strange men to come into the village, nor to go anywhere without a sufficient escort. This, however, has not, as you know, interfered with our profession, which I have not neglected to follow; but in other respects I have been careful. In spite of all, however, we are fairly in his hands; and may Alla deliver us out of them!'
"We remained some days without another visit from our tormentor; but at last he came again, and my poor father was again tortured in various ways, but without effect: he would tell nothing.
"'You dare not kill me, cowardly kafir as you are,' cried he to Brij Lall; 'and, Inshalla! were I once out of this vile prison, you should see what a true Moosulman could do for himself. And I bid you beware.'
"Brij Lall laughed at my father's impotent threats, and again left us.
​"We had remained in confinement for nearly three months, when one day one of the soldiers of our guard, won over by my father's promises, and really struck with the injustice of our case, agreed to convey a petition, which my father had drawn up, to a sahoukar with whom he was acquainted, who then managed the money affairs of our village, and resided in the city of Nagpoor.
"He was extremely astonished to hear of our situation, and immediately set to work to procure our liberation. But this was no easy task; Brij Lall possessed the ear of the minister of the court, and every attempt our friend made was frustrated. At last he laid our case before the chief sahoukar of Nagpoor, a man of great influence, who went to the minister himself expressly on our behalf. We were told that the next day we were to appear in the durbar, and answer the accusations which had been made against us; and at the hour appointed we were taken to the house where the Peshkar resided, and where he heard the various suits and cases which were brought before him.
"Narayun Pundit was then a young man; but he was looked up to with much respect by all who had any dealings with him. He was ​considered just, and one who patiently listened to both sides of a question before he gave his decision. But our bitter enemy Brij Lall was his confidential mootsuddee, and conducted himself in so plausible a manner, that his tyrannies were never discovered.
"Brij Lall made his accusation against my father. He said that, by the laws of the kingdom, accounts of the effects of sahoukars and other wealthy persons ought to be furnished to the government when they died without male children. That it was well known that Jeysookhdas was wealthy; that he had two or three daughters, but no sons; and that they had no right to have touched a rupee of the property until the accounts of the government had been settled. Again, that my father was not the rightful Patel of Boree, and that the person who was descended from the original possessors claimed the office and the lands which were then in my father's possession. Brij Lall concluded his representation by saying to the Pundit, 'I will refrain from dwelling, oh incarnation of Brahma! on the usage I have met with at this man's hands. Twice did I visit his village, and twice was I received with such indignity that my blood boils at the recollection. ​My intentions in going there were solely for the good of the government; and had I but then complained, the wrath of my lord would have descended on this man's head, and annihilated him and his family. But I devoured my grief; and it was not until provoked by his repeated refusals to come to the presence, and his contempt of the messages sent to him about the effects of Jeysookhdas, that I became aware that the dignity of the government was set at nought, and I ordered his arrest and imprisonment.'
"'Ya Alla! Alla!' cried my father; 'my lord, it is all a lie; I call Alla to witness that I never disobeyed any order of the government when sent to me in a proper form. Have I not eaten the salt of the government before that pitiful wretch was born? and who is he that my lord should suffer him to abuse so old a servant of the state in his presence? If I have permission I will represent to my lord that I am not in fault, but that this devil ought to be severely punished for the treatment he has subjected your slave to.'
"'We will hear you to-morrow,' said the Pundit, 'and in the mean time it will be ​proper for you to draw up a statement of what you have to say in your defence, in order that its relation may be more succinct and more readily comprehended.'
"My father then begged not to be confined like a thief, and offered the two sahoukars as his securities to appear whenever he might be called on. This was admitted, in spite of Brij Lall's protestations that no securities would bind us, and we walked away in company with our friends; my father, as he passed him, twirling his mustachios and looking askance at him, with many a muttered Inshalla, and Mashalla, all of which Brij Lall answered with looks of the most deadly spite and hatred.
"In the course of the evening an account was drawn up in Persian of the whole of Brij Lall's conduct from first to last; and we took it to the durbar in every expectation of seeing him disgraced before our eyes, for his unwarrantable treatment of us. But we were doomed to 'eat disappointment.' The petition was read by Narayun Pundit, and he proceeded to pass judgment in the case; which was, that Brij Lall had much exceeded his authority in imprisoning my father, that he had acted wrongly in ​persecuting Jeysookhdas and his family, for that on an examination of the accounts there did not appear to be any claim against him.
"On the other hand, that my father had behaved ill to Brij Lall, in having had him turned out of the village; disrespectfully to the state, in not readily giving the accounts demanded to an agent who was known to have the power to ask for them, and in resisting for so long a time his repeated orders.
"My father was going to reply, when his friend the Sahoukar stopped him. 'Better,' said he, 'is it to come out of a battle with half your life than with no life at all. Be quiet: consider that you have escaped, which is what very few do, from the net which was thrown round you by that low rascal, and be thankful.'
"My father had only to pay a small fine for what he had done to Brij Lall. He considered that he had obtained a victory, and so the matter ended.
"I never shall forget the advice which the old Sahoukar gave my father, when, after some days' sojourn with him, and being entertained at his expense, we were about to set out for our village.
"'Pateljee!' said he, 'I know that Brij Lall ​well; he will never give up his revenge; you have seen that he behaves like a cow before his patron, but absent from him he is a tiger in heart and in manners; and such is the influence he has obtained, that no one dares to oppose him. You have indeed got well out of his clutches; but had not your affairs been taken up by our Séth, you would have remained in your miserable prison until his hate had been satisfied by your death, from the constant torment and ill-usage he would have subjected you to.'
"'Shookur Alla!' said my father, 'I am at least safe now.'
"'Not without great caution,' said the Sahoukar; 'his emissaries will beset you wherever you go, and it will require your utmost vigilance and wariness to avoid them. By your soul, O Patel, I beseech you not to disregard what I say, or you will repent it.'
"'I will not,' said my father; 'your words are friendly, and I drink them in as grateful sherbet. But this Brij Lall must have long arms and powerful if he can reach Mahomedjee Patel.'
"In a very few days after, we took our leave and returned home; but, as had been predicted, ​in a few months strange men began to be seen about the village; and my father, strange to say, disregarded all our prayers to stay at home, especially after dusk; he would not listen to us, called the men we had seen travellers, and staid from home late of nights out of bravado. However my mother grew at last so anxious and so alarmed about these repeated visits of unknown people, that she begged of me never to leave my father's side by day, and always to bring him home with me from the fields in the evening. This I did for a long time; but one night, one cursed night—would that I had never seen the dawn of the day preceding it!—having been delayed in a field of sugar-cane to arrange about the cutting of it the following day, we were late in returning home: we were accompanied part of the way by some men of a neighbouring village, but they separated from us about half a coss from ours; and the remainder of the way (if we followed the straight road) was one which was not thought safe, and by which no one went after nightfall if he could help it. I attempted to take another; but the old man observed it, and said sharply, 'That is not the way, that road will keep us out an hour longer.' I had no reason to give to dissuade him from the ​road I wished to avoid, though an ill-defined feeling that there was danger in the one before us had led me to endeavour to take the other. But, my friends, who can avoid his fate? If it is the will of Alla that one is to die, of what use is human foresight? We went on, and soon reached the inclosed fields, between the high milk-bush hedges of which the path wound. It was scarcely light enough for us to see our way, but we knew every foot of the road. All at once, as we proceeded, I thought I saw in a hedge which crossed the road a glimmer, as if of the match of a gun.
"'Look!' said I to my father, 'we are waylaid, there are people behind the hedge; look, there are three lighted matches!'
"'You are a fool,' cried he, 'they are fire-flies: are you afraid? has my son become a coward?"
"The words were hardly out of his mouth, when there were three sharp cracks close to us. My father fell on his face without uttering a sound, and I felt a coldness and numbness all down my back, with a sharp pain, and the same feeling in my leg. I became sick, staggered a few paces, and then fell; but I was not insensible. Three men rushed out from the ​hedge, and ran towards us with drawn swords. Seeing that neither of us moved, one of them turned me over on my back, and looked into my face. I shut my eyes, for I knew if they were open I should not live an instant.
"'This is not the man,' said the fellow standing over me; 'we have missed them.'
"Another came up.
"'It is nearly as good,' said he, 'it is the young devil, the son: the father, depend upon it, is the other; come and see.' And they left me.
"They went to where my poor father lay, but I could not see what they did. I suppose they examined him, for one cried, 'Alhumd-ul-illah! we have been successful; our faces will be bright in our employer's sight for this. And only think, to have succeeded so easily after this long watching! The old dog was as wary as a fox.'
"'You may thank me,' said another, who had not as yet spoken: 'if I had not dogged him to the sugar-cane field, and found out his nearest way homewards, we might have had a long continuance of our fruitless watching, of which I was heartily tired. Come,' continued he, 'we must not stay, the country will be too ​hot to hold us. Madhoo will help us on to Nagpoor, and the sooner we get to him the better; the horses I know are all ready.'
"I heard no more. I was sick and faint, and lay almost insensible for a long time: the pain of the wounds was horrible, and I writhed in torment; the night too was dreadfully cold, and I became so stiff I could not move. I tried even to get as far as my poor father's body, which I could just see lying on its back; but motion was denied me. I lay and moaned bitterly. I heard the voices of persons not far off, and shouted as loud as I could, but they did not hear me. There were shots fired, as I afterwards heard, as signals to us; but I could not answer them: what could I do, lying as I did like a crushed reptile? My senses went and returned, as though I were dead, and again alive. Oh, my friends, how can I describe to you the misery of that night! At last I was roused out of a faint by some persons with a torch standing over me. I quickly recognized them as some of the labourers of the village; they had searched every lane, and at length found me. I knew not what they said or did; but they broke out into lamentations on seeing my father's body, and taking me up in a blanket ​they carried me to the village, and set me down at the door of my father's house: alas! his no longer.
"My friends, all of you have seen the grief of women when death has come into the house and struck down a father, a brother, a son; all of you know how the shrieks and moans of women pierce into the heart, and turn men's livers into water. Till my father's body arrived there was no cry—no scream; my mother sat in a corner rocking herself to and fro, calling on my father's name in a low tone, and every now and then beating her breast; my sister attended to me, and moistened my mouth with water, as I still lay unable to speak, but fully aware of all that was going on around me. Some old women of the village sat near my mother, shivering in the cold wind which whistled through the house, and speaking among themselves in whispers. There was but a small lamp in a niche in the wall, which with its flickering light now revealed one group now another, causing the shadows of the whole to leap about, over—around—above me, until my disturbed brain fancied them a legion of devils sent to torment me before my time.
"'Sister,' said I, 'call our mother to me, ​I am dying I think;' for at the moment I felt fainter than ever.
"'No, no! you must not die; you must not leave us now,' said the affectionate girl; 'it is but a wound; the barber is coming, and will take out the ball; and a fomentation is being prepared by the hukeem: you will soon be well.'
"As she spoke this, a sudden gleam of torches lighted up the whole space outside; and immediately after, four men bearing my poor father's body, walked slowly towards the house. I summoned energy enough to sit up, leaning against the wall, and the body was brought, all bloody as it was, and laid down. I should not say laid down, for as the men who carried it were preparing to let it down gently, one of the corners of the blanket slipped, and the corpse fell heavily to the ground, giving a horrid dull squelch, the sound of which thrilled through every nerve.
"For an instant there was not a word spoken; but when the bloody features were exposed to view, the uproar was dreadful. Headed by my mother, all the old women rushed to the side of the body and began the most heart-rending shrieks; those who had carried it were ​also affected, and the cry reached to the outside, where the crowd assembled took it up, till the heavens were cracked with the noise of the lamentations. It was in vain that I endeavoured to make myself heard. But on a sudden the noise ceased, and silence was ordered by the Kazee of the village who entered. He cast a look on the dead body, and then asked for me. 'Who has done this?' said he; 'whom do you suspect? Tell us, by your soul tell us, ere it be too late to overtake them, whoever they may be.'
"'Mahdoo, patel of Etare,' said I: 'but the villains have horses, they are gone ere this, there is no use sending.'
"'Who have horses? who have gone, did you say?' cried he with impatience: 'rally for a time, and strive all you can to let us know how this was, how it happened.'
"I had barely strength, but I gave a short relation of the whole.
"'By Alla, it is the work of Mahdoo himself,' said one, 'and we will burn his village before the morning breaks.'
"'It is the doing of Rheim Khan,' cried another.
​"Rheim Khan was my father's brother-in-law, and they had been at bitter enmity.
"'Who takes the name of Rheim Khan?' cried my mother, 'may his tongue be blistered and rot in his mouth! May his end be like this!' pointing to the corpse; and again she resumed her howls and lamentations.
"'Did you hear the woman?' said one fellow close to me; 'she would not curse at that rate if Rheim Khan was free from suspicion.'
"'Silence!" said I, as loud as I could; 'I know who is the author of this, at least I have a right to have the strongest suspicions. Mahdoo Patel had no hand in it, he is a coward; Rheim Khan, though he hated the old man, could never have done or planned this; no, it is neither; it is one whom we poor people can never reach from his height of station, one whom the pleasure of Alla alone can bring down to the condition of him who is there; I mean Brij Lall, the accursed, the merciless.' I was exhausted with speaking, and sank down.
"'Who spoke?' said my mother raising her head: 'I surely heard the voice of my son!'
​"'I am here, my mother,' said I; and she turned to me.
"'Thou here! thou alive! Coward! hast thou come to me to see thy father a bloody corpse in his own house? Where wert thou that thou diedst not with him? Did I not caution thee never to leave the headstrong old man, who would persist in disregarding all advice, and in exposing himself at night?'
"'I cannot answer thee now, my mother,' said I, 'but I was with him; see here, I fell also: though I did not die then, I feel that I shall do so soon.' I opened my vest and showed her the hole the ball had made, out of which a drop or two of black blood every now and then oozed; she looked at it, and threw herself at my feet.
"'Thou art no coward!' she sobbed out, 'thou art no coward! thou hast bled in thy father's defence, and I can say nothing but that it is the will of Alla, and his fate. Who can avoid his destiny? But it is hard to lose both. Husband and son, husband and son, and I an old woman!'
"And she went from me, and resumed her place at the side of the body.
"One by one the neighbours left us; the ​name of Brij Lall had silenced every one; and in a very short time there remained only the watchers by the corpse, my sister, and myself. She was but a girl, my friends, but she watched by me and fomented my shoulder and leg with warm water, until the coagulated blood dissolved, and I was easier. How I wished for the light to be put out! but they would not hear of it. I have seen death in many, many forms since, but never have I seen anything that I could compare with my remembrance of my father's appearance. His features were pinched up, his lips drawn tightly across his mouth, showing his upper and under teeth; his eyes were wide open, for they could not be closed; and the flaring light, now rising now sinking, as it was agitated by the wind, caused an appearance as if of the features moving and gibbering, with that ghastly expression on them. I could not take my eyes off them, and lay gazing at them till the day broke.
"The barber, who had been absent at a neighbouring village, soon afterwards arrived, and examined my wounds. One ball had entered my shoulder and had passed into my neck. He groped in the wound for some time with a pair of pincers, and, after putting me to ​horrible pain, succeeded in getting hold of it and drawing it out. I was then easier: the blood flowed copiously; the wound in the leg was only through the flesh, and having taken some opium I soon fell asleep, and awoke, though still in pain, yet easier than I had been.
"My father had by this time been buried, and I was left with the consciousness of having one enemy, and one too who would not forego his revenge even to the son of his victim.
"The old Kazee could recommend nothing, could suggest no measures to be pursued to bring the murderers to conviction. So, as he said, we sat down on the carpet of patience, to smoke the pipe of regret, and to drown our affliction in the best way we could. Matters continued to run smoothly for the period of a year. I was considered to have succeeded to my father's rights, when one day the man who had been set up by Brij Lall as the real patel in opposition to my father, arrived at the village with a body of armed men, and with orders for his installation. The villagers were too weak to resist this tyranny, and I was forced to resign all my claims to the new comer. By this time my sister had gone to the house of her ​father-in-law, and I sent my mother after her, for I had no longer a home. I left the village with an aching heart, to see if my father's friends, the sahoukars, could do anything for me at the court. But they too had changed, as I might perhaps have expected, and would do nothing.
"Brij Lall, they said, was too powerful to be interfered with; and they recommended me to give up all hopes of justice, as the attempt to fix the crime of murder upon him, with the insufficient evidence I possessed, would be attended with my certain destruction. Nor would they assist me to regain my lost rights; so that I was friendless, and, as it were, forsaken in the world. I had but one resource: I joined the first band of Thugs I could discover, though I had previously not practised the profession, and I have since lived a lonely and wretched life in the world. My mother is long since dead. My sister still lives, and has some children; she is happy, and has no remembrance of the past. I pay her a visit now and then, and am received with affection and kindness. She is the only one in this world except you, my friends, who cares for me. She believes me to be a soldier in the service of Holkar, and she will never know to the contrary. Praise be to ​Alla! however, my enemy has died by my own hand, and I am content, for I am revenged. Some of you, my friends, will lay me in my grave when my time comes, and it will not be long. I have lived hitherto for the deed I did last night. There is no excitement for me in the future, and it matters not how soon the old Thug is laid in the earth. This is my story, such as it is; if I have arrested your attention, and gratified the Sahib-zada, my intentions have been fulfilled, and I am content."
The whole assembly was struck and affected by the old man's story, and all joined in consoling him for his misfortunes. But I was particularly interested in them, as they went more to convince me that the hand of Alla was upon all our doings than even my father's history. Both were striking instances, but the Thug's particularly so. It really seemed as though Brij Lall had been given into our hands, nay, to the very hands of him he had so oppressed, to receive his punishment on earth previous to the eternal fires of Jehunum. "Henceforward," said I to myself, "no one shall have it to say of Ameer Ali that he hung back when occasion required his personal exertions. ​I will emulate my father, and the country shall know and feel that I am a scourge on its wickedness. No one shall escape me; I shall act up to the utmost of the oath I have taken, wage unrelenting war with the whole human race, and, Inshalla! they shall see whether Ameer Ali cannot lead his men on to actions which will by far surpass any of the present times, and equal those the traditions of which remain among us."
From that day I put myself under the tuition of the Gooroo, or teacher of the band,—an old Thug who was worn out with age, but had been considered to be one of the most dexterous Bhuttotes, or stranglers, who had lived within the memories of any of the men of our company. He was a Hindoo, a Rajpoot; and though his frame was dry and shrivelled, yet from his height, breadth of shoulders, and sinews, which were developed the more by the absence of flesh to cover them, it was easy to see that he had been a man of immense strength and power; and, added to this, if his great dexterity in using the handkerchief was considered, the stories of his superior prowess might easily be credited. I had hitherto not associated much with him, and beyond a courteous demeanour to each ​other, we had been but little acquainted; so I begged my father to take me to him, deliver me over to his care, and request of him to initiate me thoroughly in the practice of a Bhuttote.
He was delighted at this spontaneous offer on my part, readily acceded to my wishes, and at once put me under the care of Hoosein and Roop Singh, the old Thug I have mentioned, who belonged to Hoosein's party.
"For a few days," said my father, "I will not see you; you shall remain with them; and when you return to me, let me welcome you as ready and willing to take a part in the next affair we may be engaged in."
The day after we began in earnest. Roop Singh repeated incantations over me. I ate no meat, indeed tasted nothing but milk for four days. Numerous sacrifices were made to the sacred pickaxe; every omen was observed, and as I sat under the trees after our daily march, scarcely a bird alighted on them but there was some conclusion drawn from it; and the appearances of different animals and birds as we commenced our march in the mornings were particularly observed and noted. I was naturally very inquisitive as to the meaning of all that was ​done to me and for me; but the old Gooroo would not enlighten me.
"My son," said he, "when I was your age, these ceremonies were performed over me, to make me fearless and stony-hearted, active and cunning, so as to ensnare all who came within my reach, and to avoid my enemies; to make me fortunate, and to cause me to win fame. In all these I have never failed. Two others upon whom I have performed them are rising fast to be jemadars, such is their address and courage; and you too will be the same; therefore ask no questions. Content yourself with knowing that everything is going on properly and to my complete satisfaction, for I have not observed one unfavourable omen."
On the fifth morning, the handkerchief was put into my hand; and after having been bathed, anointed with sweet-smelling oils, and marked on the forehead with vermilion, as a votary of Bhowanee, I was declared a Bhuttote.
"One thing I forgot," said the old man laughing, as he gave me the cloth, "and that was the principal perhaps. I have not shown you how to use it, and I have a peculiar knack of my own, which is easily communicated. You will soon learn it."
​He took the cloth, tied a large knot at one end, with a piece of silver inserted in it; this he held in his left hand, the plain end being in his right, and about as much space between them as would nearly compass a man's neck: the closed hands had the palms uppermost.
"Now," said he, "mark this; and when you throw the cloth from behind, and have got it tight, suddenly turn your knuckles into the neck, giving a sharp wrench to either side that may be most convenient. If done in a masterly manner, instant death ensues."
I took the cloth, and held it as he directed, but it did not please him.
"Give it me back, that I may show you more exactly on your own neck," said he.
"Indeed, no," cried I, laughing; "you might think I was a traveller, and have me down in an instant, without intending it; but I perfectly understand the method."
"Then try it on me, Ameer Ali; I shall see by the position of your hands whether you know anything about it."
I obeyed him; the old man shook his head and laughed.
"That will never do; you could not kill a child in that way," he said: "when you feel ​my hands round your neck you will understand."
So I submitted with as good a grace as I could, though I did not at all like the idea. My blood ran cold through me as I felt his chill, clammy hands about my neck. But he did not hurt me, and I saw where my error had been. I tried it on him as he had shown me several times, and was declared at last to be perfect.
"Now you only want practice, Ameer Ali," said he.
"Inshalla! Roop Singh," I replied, "we shall have plenty of it. One beginning, and I fear not for the rest. Like a tiger, which, once having tasted human blood, will if possible take no other, and runs every risk to get it, so I feel it will be with me." And it was so. Sahib! I knew myself—I had spoken truly.