# Anna Karenina (Dole)/Part Two/Chapter 5

CHAPTER V
"It's a little improper, but so amusing, that I wanted awfully to tell you about it," said Vronsky, looking at her with sparkling eyes. "However, I will not mention any names."
"But I can guess? so much the better!"
"Listen, then. Two gay young men were dining .... "
"Officers of your regiment, of course .... "
"I did not say that they were officers, but simply young men, who had dined well .... "
"Translated, tipsy!"
"Possibly. They went to dine with a comrade, in most excellent spirits. They saw a pretty young woman passing them in a hired carriage; she turns around, and, as it seems to them, nods to them and laughs. Of course they follow her. They gallop like mad. To their amazement their beauty stops at the entrance of the very house where they are going; she mounts to the upper floor, and they see nothing but a pair of rosy lips under a short veil, and a pair of pretty little feet."
"You describe the scene with so much feeling that you make me believe that you were in the party."
"Why do you accuse me so soon? Well! the two young men climb up to their comrade's room, where there is to be a farewell dinner, and there they drink, perhaps, more than is good for them, as is usually the case at farewell dinners. And at dinner they ask who lives on the top story of that house. No one knows any​thing about it; only their friend's valet, to their questions, 'Do any mamselles live on the top floor?' replies that there are a good many. After dinner the two young men go into their friend's library and write a letter to the unknown. They write a passionate letter, a declaration; they themselves carry up the letter, in order to explain whatever in the letter might not be perfectly understood."
"But why do you tell me such horrible things? Well?"
"They ring. A girl comes to the door; they give her the letter, telling her they are so desperately in love that they are ready to die, there at the door. The girl is in doubt and parleys with them. Suddenly a gentleman appears, red as a lobster and with side-whiskers like sausages, declares that there is no one there except his wife, and unceremoniously puts them out of the door."
"How did you know that his side-whiskers were like sausages?"
"But now listen. I have just made peace between them."
"Well! what came of it?"
"This is the most interesting part of the affair. The happy couple prove to be a titular counselor and his wife. The titular counselor brings a complaint, and I am obliged to serve as peacemaker. What a peacemaker! .... I assure you Talleyrand compared to me was nobody."
"What were your difficulties?"
"Here now! Listen! .... We make excuses as in duty bound, as: 'We are desperately sorry,' we said; 'we beg you to pardon us for this unfortunate misunderstanding.' The titular counselor with the sausage-whiskers seemed to be thawing; but he felt it necessary to express his feelings, and as soon as he began to express his feelings he began to get wrathy, and to say harsh things, and again I was obliged to bring all my diplomatic talents into requisition: 'I agree that their conduct was reprehensible, but please take into consideration that there was a misunderstanding; they were young, and had just ​come from a good dinner. You understand! Now they are sorry from the bottom of their hearts, and beg you to forgive them their fault.' The titular counselor softened still more: 'I agree with you, count, and I am ready to pardon them; but you perceive that my wife, my wife, a virtuous woman, has been exposed to insult, to persecution, to the impudence of good-for-nothing young scound.... ' And the impudent, good-for-nothing young fellows being present, I had to exert myself to calm them down; again I put my diplomacy to work, and every time I seem on the point of success my titular counselor gets wrathy again, and his face gets red, and his sausages begin to wag up and down, and I find myself drowned in the waves of diplomatic subtleties."
"Akh! we must tell you all about this," said Betsy to a lady who at this moment came into her box. "It has amused me much!"
"Well, good luck go with you," she added, giving Vronsky one of her fingers, as she held her fan; and then, shrugging her shoulders so as to keep the waist of her gown from coming up, so that she might be as naked as possible when she should go to the front of the box, and sit down in the full blaze of gas and in the eyes of all.
Vronsky went to the French Theater, where he really had to meet his regimental commander, who never failed to be present at a single representation. He wished to speak with him in regard to his business as peacemaker which had occupied and amused him for three days. Petritsky, whom he liked, was involved in this affair, and the other one was a charming, a glorious fellow, young Prince Kerdrof, who had lately joined their regiment. But the principal point was that the affair concerned the interests of his regiment.
Both the young men belonged to Vronsky's company. Venden, the titular counselor, had come to the regimental commander with a complaint that the officers had insulted his wife. His young wife—Venden said he had been married only half a year—had been to church with her mother, and, feeling indisposed, owing to her ​delicate condition, so that she could not stand any longer, had engaged the first decent izvoshchik at hand. The officers had chased her; she was frightened and, feeling still more ill, had run up the stairs. Venden himself, who had just returned from his office, heard the sound of a bell and voices. He came out, and, seeing drunken officers with a letter, he had put them out. He demanded that they should be severely punished.
"No, it's all very well to talk," said the regimental commander to Vronsky, whom he had asked to join him, "but Petritsky is becoming unbearable. Not a week passes by without some scandal. This chinovnik will not stop here, he will go farther."
Vronsky saw all the unpleasantness of this affair, and he felt that a duel should be avoided, and that everything should be done to make the titular counselor relent and smooth over the scandal. The regimental commander had summoned him because he knew he was a shrewd and gentlemanly man, and zealous for the interests of the regiment. They had talked the matter over and decided that Vronsky, accompanied by Petritsky and Kerdrof, should go to make their excuses to the titular counselor. The regimental commander and Vronsky both realized that Vronsky's name and his flügel-adjutant's monogram ought to have a great effect in soothing the titular counselor. In reality these two influences proved partially efficacious, but the results of the reconciliation remained in doubt, as Vronsky said.
When he reached the French Theater, Vronsky took the regimental commander into the lobby, and told him of his success, or rather lack of success. After reflection the regimental commander decided to leave the matter in abeyance; but afterward he began to question Vronsky regarding the details of the interview, and he could not help laughing as he heard Vronsky tell how the titular counselor kept suddenly flaming out in wrath as he recalled the particulars of the affair, and how Vronsky, veering round at the last mention of reconciliation, had withdrawn, pushing Petritsky before him, and ​his repeated attempts to bring him into a suitable frame of mind.
"It is a wretched piece of business, but comical enough. Kerdrof cannot fight with this gentleman. Was he so horribly angry?" he asked, laughing. "And how do you like Claire this evening?—charming!" said he, referring to a new French actress. "One can't see her too often; she is always new. Only the French can do that!"