# The paradise of the Christian soul/Chap. I. Colloquy between Christ and Man on the way to do Penance.

PART III.
Penance; or, the sinner’s conversion, and its exercises.
FOR TUESDAY.
CHAPTER I.
Colloquy between Christ and Man on the way to do Penance.
I. The sinner lamentation over his miserable condition.
Man. Unhappy man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death? Why do I still live, or why do I cumber the ground? I who am a dry and unfruitful tree; I, who am ever thankless and hurtful to my God, while I do nought but heap sin upon sin, and so treasure up to myself wrath against the day of wrath, and the just judgment of God? Too well I know by experience, alas, that there dwells not in me that which is good, and that the corruptible body is a load upon the soul. Therefore it is that I do evil, and sin daily; and what, is worse, I seldom or never reflect, how dreadful a thing it is, that I commit sin, and yet endeavour not with adequate tears and groans to propitiate God my Creator, whom I so often provoke to anger.
How much cause, alas, I have to weep, while I have no just cause to laugh! With a darkened heart, and a treacherous conscience; with relapses into sin and rejection of grace; with so many entanglements and occasions of sinning, what can I do but weep and groan because of them? Who will give water to my head, and a fountain of tears to my eyes, and I will weep day and night for the losses of the time past, the dangers of that to come, and the miseries of my soul, which are multiplied without number. Ah, my Lord God! what will ever become of me, when I fail daily, and cease not to offend thee? When shall I be cured of my infirm​mity? When shall I rise again from the mire of the deep into which I am cast? Can it be thought that I have any hope of rising again? Can one that is dead again live?
Out of the depths, behold, I cry to thee, O Lord! Oh, graciously hear my voice. I have no hope of myself; would it were more firmly fixed on thee. A violent despair is ready to seize me, because my weakness grows daily greater by my fault. And if I say, Now I will begin; now is the hour for me to rise out of sleep; for now is the acceptable time, and the day of salvation; sin forthwith is present at the door, like a heavy yoke, and like a weight of lead pressing down my neck; and the enemy lifts himself up against me, and the habit of evil drags me in its fetters like one that is conquered and bound.
Look, O Lord, upon my affliction, deliver me from them that surround me, for the fear of them is grown strong upon me. For counsel has perished from me, and my strength has failed me. My arm is broken, and my sword will not save me. Thou only art left to me for a refuge. But, alas! I have too often forsaken thee, and therefore I justly dread to be forsaken by thee; nay, I fear already that I am cast away from thy sight. For thy countenance is against them that do evil things, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. Lord, all my desire is before thee, and my groaning is not hid from thee.
2. The conviction and confusion of the sinner.
Christ. My son, I have heard thy groaning, and the cry of thy heart has reached my ears. For I am near to them that are of a contrite heart, and am ready to save the humble of spirit. But hearken awhile, on thy part, to my just complaints. True, I break not the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax; for it is not for me to destroy any one of those whom my Father has given me. But see thyself how justly my anger might burn like fire against thee. I made thee to my own image and likeness, and redeemed thee with my blood, that thou mightst serve me, who before wert the slave of Satan. But thou hast made me to serve with thy sins, thou hast wearied me with thy iniquities. Put me in remembrance, and let us plead together. Tell if thou hast anything to justify thyself.
Am not I thy Father, who have possessed thee, and made thee, and created thee? But thou hast forsaken the Father that begot thee, and hast forgotten the God that created ​thee. If I am thy Father, where is my honour? And if I am thy Lord, where is my fear? Behold, I have brought thee up, and exalted thee to be my son, but thou hast despised me. Why, when thou mightst have been brought up in scarlet, and clothed in double garments, hast thou preferred to go abroad into a far country, to attach thyself to strangers, to embrace the dung, and to pine away naked with hunger and cold? ‘What have I done to thee, or in what have I molested thee, that thou shouldst abandon me? Why hast thou forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and dug to thyself broken cisterns, that can hold no water?
I had chosen thy soul to be my dearest spouse ; but thou hast preferred to go after other lovers, I shewed thee a straight and level way, for I am myself the way, the truth, and the life. Why hast thou, then, wearied thyself, in the way of iniquity, and walked through hard ways, in which is nought but sorrow and unhappiness, and refused to learn the way of peace?
I had given thee a law of life and discipline, that in keeping my commandments thou mightst show that thou lovedst me, and mightst have life; but thou hast hated my discipline, and hast cast my words behind thee. Oh, how often have I called, and thou hast refused! How often have I reached out my hand to thee, and thou regardest not, and despisedst all my counsel! Is not my yoke sweet, and my burden light? How, then, wouldst thou rather buy thee five yoke of oxen, and go after the concupiscences of thy own heart, which plunge a man into destruction and perdition? O son of man, how long wilt thou be dull of heart? Why dost thou love vanity, and seek after lying?
Man. Indeed I know it is so, and that man cannot be justified compared with God.
I would justify myself, the truth will condemn me. If I say that I am innocent, thou wilt prove me guilty. If I would contend with thee, I cannot answer thee one for a thousand. I have sinned. What shall I do to thee, O keeper of men? Behold, I know my iniquity, and am become burdensome to myself. Why dost thou not take away my sin, for my iniquities, as a heavy burden, are become heavy upon me. I confess I have deserved thy anger, not thy pardon. Thou actest justly, then, if thou castest me out from thy presence. But thou actest mercifully, if, wretched and unworthy as I am, thou receivest me even among thy hired servants. Oh, that mercy would exalt itself above judgment, because it is mercy ​that is over all thy works! Behold, I, a wretched pilgrim and exile, in going down from the heavenly Jerusalem, have fallen among robbers; I have been stripped of my robe of immortality, and, with many wounds, have been left half-dead; and now my sores are putrified and corrupted because of my foolishness, and there is no health in my flesh. If thou neglect me, and pass me by, who will have pity upon me, or who will bind up my wounds? If thou pour not in the wine of consolation, and the oil of mercy, who shall prepare for me the medicine that I need? And if thou pay not the penny, the price of my salvation, who shall be able beside?
3. The sinner urged to penance from the motive of its necessity.
Christ. My son, be of better comfort, and be not afraid. Thy ruin is from thyself alone, but thy help is from me. I am the Samaritan, that true physician, who came for this into the world, to heal the contrite of heart. It is I myself who have borne thy infirmities, and even of my own blood have prepared a remedy for thy wounds. For I desire not the death of a sinner, but that lie turn from his way and live; and therefore I came to seek and to save that which was lost. I came not to call the just, but sinners. For they that are in health need not a physician, but they that are ill. Remember my words, by which I invited to myself all the sinners of the earth, saying, Come to me, all you that labour and are burdened, and I will refresh you.
Come, then, too, and return by another way to the heavenly country, the way which I have shown to sinners, that they might walk in it; I mean the way of penance. If, then, thou desirest life, turn away from evil, and do good; be mindful from whence thou art fallen, and do penance, and do thy first works. Return, transgressor, to the heart, and see that it is a bitter thing to have forsaken the Lord thy God, thy Creator. Lay aside all malice; cast off the works of darkness; bring forth fruits worthy of penance; deny thyself ungodliness and worldly desires, and live henceforward soberly, justly, and godly in this world. This is the way that leads to life, and beside it there is no other.
Man. Oh, how sweet are thy words to my palate, O Lord, more than honey and the honeycomb to my mouth! Now, indeed, according to the multitude of my sorrows in my heart, thy comforts have given joy to my soul. Oh, faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ ​came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the chief. Now, therefore, be mindful of thy word, in which thou hast given me hope; receive again the son, who has been a prodigal and a fugitive from thy presence, and, now that he returns to his dearest Father, embrace him with the arms of love. Cast me not away from thy presence, and forgive thy servant all his sin, and strike not out my name from the book of the living.
4. The sinner urged to hasten his penance,
Christ. I, even I, am he that blots out thy iniquities for my own sake, and I will not remember thy sins. It is I that justify the wicked, forgiving him all his sins for my name’s sake; for I choose rather to be merciful than angry, and desire to spare more than to punish. Why, then, dost thou fear? Why tremblest thou to approach so loving a bosom? I am more ready to pardon than thou to repent.
But see thou be not slow to turn to the Lord, and that thou defer it not from day to day. Marty herein are the evils of delay and procrastination. When thou art sick, dost thou defer to take care of thy health? On the contrary, dost thou not presently send for a physician, and deem that the disease should be met in its beginning, lest perhaps medicine be prepared in vain, when the complaint has gained strength by too long a delay?
Thou art wise in so doing; but why dost thou not the same when thy soul is sick? Then, surely, thou art in greater danger than if pestilence or poison had penetrated into the inmost parts of thy body. Why, then, dost thou slumber? Why delay? Arise, make haste, and turn to God thy Saviour, lest at any time he seize upon thy soul as a lion, and there be none to ransom it, none to save. Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth, and beware of habituating thyself to any sin: for nothing binds down a man more powerfully than a bad habit. It is as difficult to rid one’s self of a bad habit, which is as it were a second nature, as of nature itself. Shouldst thou give thy prime to the world and the flesh, and thy refuse to me, who have given thee my all, not the worst, but the best, and for thy sake have been in labours from my youth?
Man. To many this saying, O Lord, is hard, and they cannot receive it. Hence they say, Come, and let us enjoy the good things that are present, and let us speedily use the creatures as in youth. Let not the flower of the time pass by us; let us crown ​ourselves with roses before they be withered. Among them, too, are some who promise themselves length of days, and meantime pass their days in pleasures, as though it would be time enough at the last to recount the years that are gone in the bitterness of their soul, and then to ask thee not to remember the sins and the ignorances of their youth. As though it were just, that where sin abounded, grace should much more abound. Thus they speak foolishly in their heart, and to this their life and their very works bear witness.
5. Penance not to be delayed from the hope of a longer life.
Christ. I know that the number of the foolish is infinite, but be not emulous of the evil-doers, and, if sinners entice thee, consent not to them. Walk not with them: restrain thy foot from their paths. For when sudden calamity shall fall upon them, and destruction as a tempest shall be at hand; when tribulation and distress shall come upon them, then shall they call upon me, and I will not hear; because they despised all my counsel, and neglected my reproofs. Hearken, whosoever thou art, who, in the hope to live longer, delayest to live better. Fool, what if this night, what if this very hour, I require of thee thy unhappy soul! whither, thinkest thou, will it go? Oh, how many thousands of men have been deluded by that hope, or rather foolish presumption! But now they are laid in hell, death feeds upon them, and, above all things, they are tormented by this, that they neglected to do good works while they had time, and, for the sake of an uncertain hope, neglected the sure remedy for the recovery of their salvation, not so much wishing to abandon, as to defer their penance. But that procrastination has been their destruction: for their life has* been cut off as by a weaver, when they seemed but to begin it. They died before they knew they were dying. And now infer for thyself what kind of repentance was theirs at the last. Then they most repented, and still, but in vain, repent, that they neglected penance at the seasonable time, and did not, as they easily might, at the expense of a few hours, ransom themselves from eternal torments.
Oh, that thou wouldst gain wisdom from the loss of others, and become more cautious in so serious a matter! True, I have promised pardon to the penitent, but I have not promised life to the deferrer of his penitence till to-morrow. To-day, then, if thou wilt hear my voice, harden not ​thy heart, for thou knowest not when I shall come to thee. What if I come as a thief in the night, and at an hour when thou thinkest not! Watch, therefore, and be ready at all hours.
Behold, what is thy life but a vapour, that appears for a little while! What is thy body, liable as it is to a thousand accidents, miseries, and dangers, and which a wind, a slight fever, or a sudden accident, lays low in a moment? And dost thou venture to lean confidently upon so frail a support?
Is not the folly of such confidence sufficiently proved by the examples of mortality that are of daily occurrence; which, without distinction of age, sex, or condition, but not without the sure counsel of my providence, are frequently brought before thy eyes, that thou mayest learn how vain are men’s hopes, how delusive their thoughts, and remember that what has befallen another may also befall thee, and that he is happy and wise who improves his own conduct from the misfortunes of others.
Man. Thou art just, O Lord, and thy judgment is right; but spare me, if I speak to my Lord, who am dust and ashes. Is the death of the wicked a pleasure to thee? Are not thy mercies over all thy works? And when thou art angry, wilt thou not remember mercy? Hast thou not said, I desire not the death of a sinner, and the wickedness of the wicked shall not hurt him, in what day soever he shall turn from his wickedness? Is there not, then, time for repentance as long as there is life?
6. Penance not to be delayed from regard to the divine mercy.
Christ. Great indeed is thy folly, whosoever thou art, who forgettest my justice, to flatter thyself with the hope of my mercy. Wilt thou therefore be evil, because I am good?
Is it for this that I proclaim myself to be merciful and ready to pardon, merely that thou mayest sin the more securely, and the more freely provoke me to anger? and that, when thou hast filled me with reproaches at thy will, thou mayest not the less confidently promise thyself my mercy? Great, I own, is my mercy towards sinners, while it is the time for mercy; but thou, whom I have warned so often by my inward inspirations, so often by the preachers of my word, but hast ever resisted my spirit, and, like the deaf asp, that stops her ears, hast refused to hearken to my voice, how canst thou venture to hope for my mercy at the last, who, according to thy hard​ness and impenitent heart, treasurest up to thyself wrath against the day of wrath?
There is more reason for thee to fear, for thy contempt of my mercy, to be delivered up to a reprobate sense, thenceforth entirely to follow the desires of thy own heart; and so, when thou art come into the depth of sins, be a scorner, and thus, at length, become unworthy of mercy, and be reserved for justice only. The sinner who forgot me when alive and well, is deservedly punished in dying by forgetting himself.
Say not, therefore, The mercy of the Lord is great, lie will have mercy on the multitude of my sins; for mercy and wrath quickly come from him, and his wrath looks upon sinners. Walk rather whilst thou hast the light, that the darkness overtake thee not. And whatsoever thy hand is able to do, do it earnestly. Thou knowest not what thou wilt or mayest be able to do hereafter, when thy strength fails thee. While thou art young, correct thy way, by observing my words. Behold, now is the acceptable time, now is the day of salvation. If thou neglectest these, thou art too rash in promising thyself more time for penitence. A late repentance is seldom real, for sins are then rather forsakers than forsaken, because the power to sin is failing. How strange is it, then, that thou shouldst venture to risk thy salvation on so uncertain and doubtful an event, when, in other things, thou seekest anxiously for the greatest certainty! I offer thee my grace now, which, if thou reject, it will probably be justly refused thee hereafter.
Oh, couldst thou but know how dangerous and hurtful it is to receive my grace in vain, and to reject me when I call! Then wouldst thou pant after me, like the hart for the fountains of water; thou wouldst labour by good works to make sure thy calling and election. Do then now, what thou wilt wish done then, when thou canst do it no longer, and wilt exceedingly grieve that thou hadst not done when thou couldst; but then thou wilt find no remedy left for thy grief. What things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. The time of sowing is this life, in death will come the time of harvest; then, if thou hast sown of thy flesh corruption, thou shalt of thy flesh reap corruption. Sow, then, now in tears, what then thou mayest reap in joy.
Understand this, ye that forget God; understand, lest at any time he seize upon thee, and there be none to deliver thee.
Behold, I have left the ​ninety-nine sheep in the desert, and have sought thee the stray one; and now that, as a good shepherd, I am ready to take thee upon my shoulders, rejoicing to carry thee back to my fold, defraud me no longer of my desire, and my angels of their joy, with which they rejoice over one sinner doing penance.
Man. Truly I have gone astray like a sheep that is lost, but thou, O Lord, seek thy servant, for thou earnest to seek and to save that which was lost. To thee only have I sinned, and done evil before thee; but, oh, the occasion of magnifying thy glory, if, according to thy promises, thou showest thy mercy to the wretched and downcast; and overcomest, when thou art judged, the perverse judgments' of men, who do not think of thee in goodness, but deem thee too cruel and severe in punishing the sins of men. But I, who know thy mercy and goodness, will return to thee, as a prodigal son to the Father of mercies. Oh, cast me not away from thy face.
7. Examination of conscience the first step towards contrition and confession.
Christ. Return, my son; why dost thou eat the husks of swine abroad, when thou mayest be fed upon the children’s dainties at home? Return to me with thy whole heart, and I will receive thee to my arms. Here is the way: First of all, recount in the bitterness of thy soul all the days and years which thou hast spent in sins. Examine thyself seriously; carefully clear the hiding-places of thy conscience. If thou do this only thoughtlessly and carelessly, much will escape thee; for the heart is perverse, and unsearchable, and who can know it? Nothing is more difficult, but, at the same time, nothing is more useful, than to know one's self. If thou knowest not thyself, all other knowledge is vain. To know thy own disease is the beginning of health.
Man. In many things we all offend, and thou, O Lord, hast proved me, and known me, and numbered all my steps, for all things are naked and open to thy eyes. Thou best knowest what is in man, and understandest my thoughts afar off; but who is there of us who understands his sins? From my secret ones cleanse me, O Lord. For I fear all my works, knowing that thou dost not spare the offender; my iniquities are multiplied above the hairs of my head, and I was not able to see. But thou, O true light, who enlightenest every man that comes into this world, enlighten the darkness of my mind, that I may see where I have swerved from ​thy commandments, and be directed back into the right way. Tell me how great are my iniquities and my sins.
8. Contrition the first part of penance.
Christ. Thy own conscience, if not blunted or seared, will easily answer thee; question it earnestly, and it will not be silent. Does it not very often, unasked, torment, reprove, and scourge with secret lash the guilty sinner? But if any thing is forgotten, however, after diligent scrutiny, commit it to my mercy, and weary not thyself with scruples; for I intend this Sacrament of Penance for thy comfort, and not thy torture. Yet self-love not unfrequently causes a man to incline his heart to evil words, to make excuses in sins. Exercise, then, with all impartiality, within thyself, the several functions of culprit, accuser, and judge; and when thou hast found thyself guilty, do not spare, but reprove thyself very severely, and grieve from the bottom of thy heart, that thou hast offended and despised me thy God, thy Creator, and thy Saviour, who should have been the supreme object of thy love, because I am supremely good.
Think how greatly thou sorrowest and weepest instantly for the loss of something most worthless; and dost thou not sorrow when thou hast injured thy own soul, and lost me, thy greatest good? Thou confessest me thy Lord, but where is my fear? Thou callest me thy Father, but where is my love? How often have I spoken to thee in thy heart, and said, nay, even thy own conscience has said to thee, Thy way is perverse; by this men go not to heaven; this is the broad way that leads to destruction: none have gone by it who pleased God. How long wilt thou love vanity, and seek after lying? But for all this, thou hast cast my words behind thee; and behold, still I stand at the door and knock, and am hardly admitted.
Man. Enter not into judgment with thy servant, for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. Remember, O Lord, I beseech thee, that thou hast made me as the clay, and wilt bring me into dust again. And since thou hatest nothing that thou hast made, let thy mercies speedily overtake me, for I am become exceeding poor.
9. Method of awakening in one's self contrition, or sorrow for sins.
Christ. Remember, my son, what I have done for thee; for what hast thou ​which thou hast not received?
See how evil and bitter a thing it is for thee to have forsaken the Lord thy Creator, and to be so ungrateful and noxious to thy greatest benefactor.
I created thee to my own image and likeness, and signed upon thee the light of my countenance, that thou mightst acknowledge and praise me as thy Creator, and set thee over the works of my hands. But thou, when thou wert in honour, understoodst not; thou art compared to senseless beasts, and art become like the horse and the mule, which have no understanding.
Yet have I preserved thee, and fostered thee hitherto with a father’s care, as the eagle enticing her young to fly, and hovering over them. I have given thee health and strength, safety in so many dangers and adversities, the necessaries of life, and countless other blessings. But how many times hast thou been made only the more insolent by my very gifts and blessings, and abused them to my reproach; whilst thou hast grown fat and gross, and forsaken the God who made thee?
And if these seem small things, recollect others, that are far greater. When thou wert a lost slave to Satan, and a debtor to suffer eternal death, for thy sake I came down from heaven, and was made man; for thy sake I took the form of a servant, although I was Lord of all. I endured so many labours and sorrows, and redeemed thee at a great price, not with corruptible things, as gold or silver, or precious gems, but with my own blood, that thou mightst glorify me, and bear me in thy heart and in thy body; and what is there that I ought to do more to my vineyard that I have not done to it?
But what hast thou rendered to me for all the things that I have rendered to thee? Has it not been evil for good, and hatred for my love? I looked for thee to bring forth grapes, and thou hast brought forth wild grapes. The price of thy soul is my blood, and yet thou hast sold it for nought. For what are all those things for which thou so often and so readily barterest away thy soul, wasting my blood as though it were worthless, — what but smoke and shadow? What else is the filthy pleasure of the flesh? What else the most empty vanity of the world, or the base desire of gain? All these things have my apostle, and the rest of my friends, esteemed as dung, that they might gain me. But thou holdest them so high, that thou preferrest often to offend me rather than man, and rather to despise my com​mandments than the judgment of the world. And what doth it profit thee, if thou gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of thy own soul? Is this the return thou makest me, O foolish and senseless man?
Man. Who shall stand up to plead with thee, or shall answer thee one for a thousand? I acknowledge that thou art a God long-suffering and patient, and of great mercy, who hast mercy upon all, and overlookest the sins of men for the sake of repentance. Oh, who will give water to my head, and a fountain of tears to my eyes, because I have not kept thy law, and have received my soul in vain, for which thou gavest thy own beloved soul to death? What shall I say to thee, O immeasurable goodness? I have sinned; but spare me, and condemn me not, who wast willing to be condemned for me.
Christ. With what unceasing affection have I loved thee; with what sweetness, what promises of reward have I invited thee to return my love! But thou hast run like an adulteress after many lovers, and hast not been afraid to become my enemy, that thou mightst be the friend of the world. Thou hast forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and hast dug to thyself broken cisterns, that can hold no water, when thou mightst have drawn waters with joy out of the Saviour’s fountains. Thou hast chosen, I say, rather to follow an enemy, who requites the service rendered him with eternal punishments, and the short-lived pleasure that attends it, than me, who crown my followers with glory and honour.
10. Sorrow for sins with hope of pardon.
Man. I have sinned, O Lord, and have done evil before thee. But far be it from me to say with the wicked, My iniquity is too great for me to obtain pardon. For I know thou art bountiful to forgive; and although my sins are multiplied exceedingly, yet of thy mercy also these is no number. I should despair indeed, did I not know the mercies of the Lord. And the tempter, too, does not sleep; but to him, my Jesus, I oppose the memory of thy abundant sweetness, which thou hast displayed to David when he grievously sinned, to the adulteress, to thy betrayer, to Mary the sinner, to Peter when he denied thee, to the woman of Canaan who cried out to thee, to the seditious robber on the cross; nay, to those even who crucified thee. Let those therefore hope in thee who know thy name, since thou, O Lord, forsakest not ​them that seek thee; nay, thou even invitest those who seek thee not.
I have gone astray like a sheep that is lost. For the love of thee I grieve from the bottom of my heart. Oh, that I had never offended thee! Oh, that I may offend thee no more for ever! Oh, who will grant me, that I might be according to the months past, and according to the days when I yet enjoyed the fatherly sweetness of thy countenance! Nevertheless, even now look upon me, and pity me, because I am poor and alone. Uphold thy servant unto good, for whither shall I fly from thy face any more? Without thee it has nowhere been well with me, since I have been a fugitive from thee. Cast me not away from thy face, and draw me not away together with the wicked. A sacrifice to thee is an afflicted spirit, a contrite and humbled heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Thou who search est the heart and reins knowest the desire of my heart, and my groaning is not hid from thee.
Christ. Can a mother forget her infant, so as not to have pity on the son of her womb? But if she should forget, yet will not I forget thee; for I have given my life for thee, and have washed thee in my blood. If thy sins be as scarlet, they shall be made as white as snow; and if they be red as crimson, they shall be white as wool.
Man. Oh, how good and tender, O Lord, in all things is thy spirit! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and never forget all that he hath done for thee, who forgives all thy iniquities, who heals all thy diseases, who redeems thy life from destruction, who crowns thee with mercy and compassion, who satisfies thy desire with good things; thy youth shall be renewed like the eagle’s. I thank thee, O Lord, from the inmost marrow of my soul, that thou hast given me life and mercy until now, and hast not destroyed me, as thou mightst have done, in the midst of my sins, doubtless in order that thy goodness might lead me to penance.
11. Confession the second part of penance.
Christ. But, that thou mayest be the more fully restored to my favour, when thou hast confessed against thyself thy injustice to me, go and show thyself also to the priest, to whom I have given the power to bind and to loose. For he that hides his sins shall not prosper; but he that shall confess, and forsake them, shall obtain mercy. My son, for thy soul be not ashamed to tell the truth. For there is a shame ​that leads to sin, and there is a shame that leads to glory. Open thy conscience, therefore, fully and sincerely to my vicar, and he will open heaven to thee; for to this end are delivered to him the keys of the kingdom of heaven.
Why blushest thou to say that in the presence of a man and sinner like thyself, which thou hast not blushed to do in my presence? For wheresoever thou art, my eyes are ever upon thee, which behold in every place the evil and the good. Away, then, with this shame, useful only when thou wouldst sin, but hurtful when thou wouldst repent. For what is to conceal sins else than to cover up wounds, and to refuse to permit the physician to examine them until they grow corrupt, because of thy foolishness? Dost thou, then, value thy honour more than thy salvation? And fearest thou to be exposed before one man like thyself, when hereafter thou wilt have to be accused and condemned before the whole world?
What, wretched one, wilt thou do in that terrible day, when I shall bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and shall make manifest the counsels of the hearts; when there is nothing hidden that shall not be known, and whatever has been spoken or done in the darkness shall be published in the light before the whole world? Be not ashamed, then, to say, what thou hast not been ashamed to do.
Oh, to how many do my sacraments, which are vessels of grace and salvation, become a stumbling-stone and rock of scandal, through this vice of unseasonable shame! Overcome, therefore, this ridiculous shame, and humble thyself before the priest, whom I have deputed to thee in my stead, to be thy physician and thy counsellor. Tell him thy iniquities, that thou mayest be justified.
Man. I have said, I will confess against myself my injustice to the Lord, and also to the man whom I venerate in thy stead: O Lord, forgive the iniquity of my sin. I am a man, and know that there dwells not in my flesh that which is good; and if I say that I have no sin, I am a liar, and deceive myself. It is my nature to go astray, to fall, to be ignorant, to be deceived; why should I deny, or attempt to hide it? Why should I wish to seem to men more holy or innocent than thou knowest me to be, who seest all that is within my heart? Rather will I candidly discover to him all my wounds, that so I may be the more easily cured by him whom I acknowledge to be the physician whom thou
12. How to avoid occasions of sin and relapse.
Christ. My son, thou hast sinned; sin no more but pray rather that thy past sins may be forgiven thee. When, therefore, thou returnest from confession, thou art now entirely cleansed from the leprosy of thy sins in Jordan; that is, in the bath of my blood. See thou return not, therefore, like a sow to her wallowing, or like a dog to his vomit. Behold, thou art made whole; sin no more, lest some worse thing happen to thee. An easy relapse is a proof of a not very serious repentance.
Firmly resolve, therefore, to endure all things rather than offend me again. For this, it will be most useful for thee to know into what sin thou art most liable to fall, and also upon what occasions thou art most apt to slip, so that thou mayest fortify thyself the most wherever thou findest thyself weakest and most exposed to danger.
Search, therefore, not carelessly, but diligently, for the very root itself, from which alone sprout forth nearly all the thorns, briers, and noxious weeds that infest thy soul. Pluck out, or at least choke up this, and thou wilt have done much.
But few do this in earnest, and therefore they ever stick in the same mire; they accuse, without heeding their conscience. They put by their sins, and propose to do better, but soon return to their vomit. They weep at one moment for what they have done, and a little after commit what they must weep for again; and often pass their lives in thus dallying with me, till death unexpectedly seizes them, and plunges them in the deep, and the pit of hell shuts its mouth upon them.
My son, beware of imitating those who thus abuse my patience and long-suffering, and so often receive my grace in vain; crucifying again to themselves the Son of God, and making him a mockery. I tell thee, it is hard for those who act thus to be renewed again to penance. For the earth that drinks in the rain which comes often upon it, and brings forth herbs meet for them by whom it is tilled, receives blessing from God. But that which brings forth thorns and briers is reprobate, and very near to a curse, — whose end is to be burnt. Does not man himself at last exclude entirely from his favour and friendship his fellow-man who time after time offends him?
Man. Alas, O Lord, but now I rejoice in the things which thou saidst to console me, but now again thou utterest words full of terror and severity. Good Lord, ​what shall I say? lam confounded and ashamed to lift up my face to thee, for my iniquities are multiplied over my head. For I too am become very vile, in so often retracing my steps, and in returning so often to my vomit, like a dog that is abominable in thy sight. Whither shall I go from thy Spirit, or whither shall I flee from thy face?
Christ. Whither, indeed, my dear son, but to his mercy. whose power, by sinning, thou hast despised. None of you do right to fly from me, unless it be to me; from my severity to my goodness. Whither wilt thou fly, where thou wilt not find me present? But it is well if, in thus reproaching thee, I have made thee sorrowful to penance. For the sorrow that is according to God works penance steadfast to salvation. One warning I give thee, to learn wisdom from others’ danger and loss, who confess their sins with their mouth; but their heart is not right with God, for they continually repeat the same deeds, and so perish at last.
How easy would it be for many to escape sins, if they wished in earnest to flee from dangers! The senses of man are too prone to evil from his youth; and shalt thou pass unhurt through the very occasions or incentives to sin? Can a man hide a fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burnt; or walk upon hot coals and the soles of his feet not be scorched? Behold, David, Solomon, Peter, and many others, were famous for their wisdom and holiness, yet the occasion of sin was their fall; and therefore they are now set before thee for an example of human frailty, and need of care. For, by so easily falling, they teach thee that thou too canst fall; and canst thou venture to trust to thyself, and to promise thyself security in the midst of dangers? Happy is the man who is always afraid.
13. Good purpose,
Man. I have sworn, and am determined to keep tho judgments of thy justice. But what can I do without thee? In vain do I purpose, unless thou, too, give me thy grace, and reach out thy right hand to the work of thy hands. True, I wish to serve thee, but without thee I cannot; thou, who hast given the will, give also the power to perform. Confirm, O Lord, what thou hast wrought in me; cast me not away from thy face, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Pierce my flesh with thy fear, and wound my heart with thy love; that upon these two feet, as it were, I may constantly walk in the path of thy commandments.
14. Satisfaction the third part of penance.
Christ. Walk before me, and I will be with thee in all thy ways, and will direct thy steps. But knowest thou not that torment is due to the sinner, in proportion to the vain-glory and luxury in which he has lived? Is it not just that the number of his stripes should be commensurate to the greatness of his fault?
Therefore, if thou art wise, anticipate the sentence of the judge, and punish thyself, lest, perhaps, at the last, thou be cast into prison, never to go out from thence till thou repay the last farthing. It is easier to satisfy the divine justice now, while it is yet the time of mercy, and the day of salvation; it is easier to discharge thy faults in this life than to reserve them to the time when I shall judge with justice.
Therefore, be converted to me with all thy heart, in fasting, in weeping, and in mourning. Thou hast indeed very often offended me, by pursuing the pleasures and gratifications of the flesh. Is it not just, then, that thou shouldst chastise thy body, and bring it into subjection; that, as thy flesh, when it Was pampered, drew thee into sin, so, now that it is afflicted it may bring thee back to pardon?
The prayer, too, of the humble and meek has ever been pleasing to me, and moved me to be favourable their sins. Therefore thou wilt earnestly employ this means also, that I, as the true High Priest and advocate at my Father’s right hand, may intercede for thee, and offer to my eternal Father the price of my blood and the merits of my passion, by which I have made satisfaction for the sins of the whole world.
Redeem, too, thy sins by alms-giving. Nothing so much inclines me to mercy, as to see you, from feelings of brotherly love, show mercy to the needy and afflicted. But if thou shut up the bowels of compassion towards them, and refuse to listen to their cry, see the time come not, when thou wilt cry thyself, and not be heard Wouldst thou, then, make satisfaction for thy sins? Behold, how good is prayer, with fasting and alms.
But the satisfaction which is best of all, as most pleasing to me, and most profitable to thyself, is, to direct the whole force of thy penitence against thy sins themselves, and the roots of those sins. Specially, therefore, and earnestly, apply thyself to the exercise of those virtues which are the most opposed to the vicious inclinations of thy mind, and most distasteful to the flesh, where ​it is the most prone to sin. When a wound in thy head needs a remedy, to what purpose wouldst thou apply a plaister to thy feet? Even so there are remedies proper for every vice, as for every disease. Nothing insures true penitence but hatred of sin. When thy repentance is such, that what was heretofore sweet to thy body tastes bitter to thy soul, then thou truly repentest, and makest me really thy friend.
Perhaps my counsel seems hard to thee; but that is harder from which I would have my counsel preserve thee. But tell me, hast thou hot heretofore suffered harder things than these for the world and the flesh? Thou hast promptly and cheerfully complied with their pleasure and the suggestions of Satan, but hast rejected with disgust my precepts, my counsels, nay, my entreaties, that, for the sake of my love and of my blood, thou wouldst carry about in thy body my mortification. Is it not so?
Behold, I will reprove thee, and set it before thy face. If any hope of gain, honour, or preferment, had gleamed upon thee, wouldst thou not, to gain it, at once have turned every stone, and undertaken the longest journeys by land and sea? If attacked by disease, thou wouldst have endured cutting and burning, and have spent all thy substance on physicians, rather than risk thy life. If another had inflicted on thee injury, loss, or insult, what wouldst thou not have done to defend thy property, reputation, or honour? But, to please me, how little hast thou done! True it is, that a very little pains would have gained thee much repose; for, hadst thou done for heaven the tenth part of what thou hast done for the world, thy life would indeed be secure and happy, for my yoke is sweet, and my burden light.
But is it, then, wonderful, if this almost surpassed thy belief? Thou hadst not tasted how sweet the Lord is, nor relished the things that are above, for thou wert fed only upon those which are upon the earth. What fruit hadst thou, then, in those things of which thou art now ashamed, the end of which is death? But now, being made free from sin, thou art become the servant of justice. Therefore, as thou hast yielded thy members to serve uncleanness and iniquity, to iniquity; so now yield them to serve justice, to sanctification. Then shalt thou know how sweet and good I am to those that are of an upright heart.
Man. It is true, O Lord, that when I turn myself to all the labours in which I have hitherto laboured in vain, I see nothing in them all but vanity and vexation of ​mind, and that nothing is lasting under the sun. But thou, O Lord, endurest for ever. What, then, shall I do? Henceforward it is good for me to adhere to thee, O Lord, and to put my hope in thee alone; and what shall separate me from thy love? Oh, that neither life, nor death, nor any other creature may be able! But how shall I come to thee, and be united to thee, unless thou draw me with the cords of thy love? Draw me, I beseech thee, that I may run to thee, as the hart to the fountains of water. Help me for the glory of thy name, for thou art God my Saviour.
It need not be regretted that this colloquy has exceeded the limits of my original design, since a subject merits a somewhat more accurate treatment, which is of daily and most necessary use; for we sin every day. And possibly this advantage will result from our greater diligence, that we may commit less frequent, or at least less shameful, sins.