# Laird of Cool's ghost.

THE
LAIRD OF
COOL'S GHOST.
BEING
A Copy of several Conferences and Meetings that passed betwixt the Rev Mr Ogilvie, late Minister of the Gospel at Innerwick in East Lothian and the Ghost of Mr
Maxwell, late Laird of Cool.
As it was found in Mr Ogilvie's closet after his death, very soon after these Conferences.
[WRITTEN BY HIS OWN HAND.]
FALKIRK:
PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.
COPY OF CONFERENCES, &c.
UPON the third of February, 1722, at seven o'clock at night, after that I had parted with Thurston, and coming up the burial-road, one came up riding after me. Upon hearing the noise of the horse's feet I took it to be Thurston; but looking back and seeing the horse of grey colour, I called, Who's there? The answer was, The Laird of Cool, be not afraid. Looking to him with the little light the moon afforded, I took him to be Collector Castlelaw, who had a mind to put a trick upon me, and immediately I struck with all my force with my cane, thinking I
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business with me? he answered, The reason that I want you is, that, I know you are disposed to do for me what none of your brethren in Nithsdale will so much as attempt, though it serve never so good a purpose. I told him I would never refuse to do any thing to serve a good purpose if I thought I was obliged to do it as my duty. He answered, Since I had undertaking what few in Nithsdale would, for he had tried several persons on that subject, who were more obliged to him than I was to any person living. Upon this I drew my bridle-reins, and talked in surprise, asking what I had undertaking? He answered, that on Sabbath last, I heard you condemned Mr Paton, and the other ministers of Dumfries, for dissuading Mr Menzies from keeping his appointment with me:* and if you had been in their place, you would have persuaded the lad to do as I desired, and that you would have gone with him yourself, if he had been afraid; and if you had been in Mr Paton's place, you would have delivered my commissions yourself, since they tended to do several persons justice I asked him, Pray Cool, who informed you that I talked at that rate? To which he answered, You must know that we are acquainted with many things that the living know nothing about; these things you did say, and much more to that purpose. and deliver my commissions to my loving wife. Upon this I said, 'Tis a pity, Cool,
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that you who know so many things, should not know the difference between an absolute and conditional promise; I did indeed at the time you mention, blame Mr Paton, for I thought him justly blameable, in hindering the lad to meet with you, and if I had been in his place, I would have acted quite the reverse; but I did never say, that if you would come to Innerwick and employed me, that I would go all the way to Dumfries on such an errard, that is what never so much as entered into my thoughts. He answered, what were your thoughts, I don't pretend to know, but I can depend on my information that these were your words; but I see you are in some disorder, I will wait upon you when you have more presence of mind.
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Upon the fifth of March, 1792, being at Hare-head, baptizing the shepherd's child, I came off at sun-setting, or a little after, and near William White's march, the Laird of Cool came up with me as formerly; and after his first salutation, bade me not be afraid. I told him I was not in the least afraid, in the name of GOD, and Christ my Saviour, that he would do me the least harm; for I know that he in whom I trusted was stronger, than all they put together; and if any of them should attempt to do, even to the horse that I ride upon, as you have done to Dr. Menzie's man, if it be true that is said, and generally believed about Dumfries, I have free access to complain to my Lord and Master, to the lash of whose resentment you are liable now as before*.
COOL. You need not multiply words upon that head, for you are as safe with me, and safer, if safer can be, than when I was alive.
OGIL. Well, then, Cool, let me have a peaceable and easy conversation with you for
* What I know concerning the matter is this: The servant of Doctor Menzie, Physician at Dumfries, told his master and many others, that the Laird of Cool, lately dead, appeared to him, rode him down, and killed his horse. That he appointed him to meet him some time after at such a place; which he promised to do; but Mr Paton (then Minister of Dumfries) advised him to break that promise. Mr Ogilvie, (then Minister of Innerwick, near Dunbar,) on hearing this, blamed Mr Paton much, saying, Had he been there, he would not only have advised him to keep his promise, but would have gone with him. JAMES HAMILTON.
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the time we ride together, and give me some information about the affairs of the other world, for no man inclines to lose his time in conversing with the dead, without hearing or learning something that's useful,
COOL. Well, sir, I will satisfy you as far as I think it proper and convenient. Let me know what information you want to know.
OGIL. May I then ask you, if you be in a state of happiness or not?
COOL. There are a great many things I can answer, that the living are quite ignorant of; there are a great many things that, notwithstanding the additional knowledge I have acquired since my death, that I cannot answer; and there are a great many questions and things that you may start, of which the last is one, that I will not answer.
OGIL. Then I know how to manage our conversation; for whatever I shall enquire of you I see you can easily shift me; so that I might profit more by conversing with myself.
COOL. You may try.
OGIL. Well, then, what sort of a body is that you appear in; and what sort of a horse is that you ride upon, which appears to be so full of mettle?
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before you can ride twice the length of your horse, nay, if I have a mind to go to London, or Jerusalem, or to the moon, if you please, I can perform all these journeys equally soon, for it costs me nothing but a thought or wish; for this body is as fleet as your thought, for in the moment of time you can turn your thoughts on Rome, I can go there in person; and as for my horse, he is much like myself for he is Andrew Johnston, my tenant, who died forty eight hours before me.
OGIL. So it seems when Andrew Johnston inclines to ride, you must serve him in the quality of an horse, as he does you now.
COOL. You are mistaken.
OGIL. I thought that all distinctions between mistresses and maids, lairds and tenants, had been done away at death.
COOL. True it is, but you do not take up the matter.
OGIL. This is one of the questions you won’t answer.
COOL. You are mistaken, for that question I can answer and after you may understand it.
OGIL. Well, then, Cool, have you never yet appeared before God, nor received any sentence from him as a Judge.
COOL. Never yet.
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COOL. No such thing, no such thing! No trial, no trial till the great day! The heaven which good men enjoy after death, consists only in the serenity of their minds, and the satisfaction of a good conscience, and the certain hopes they have of eternal joy, when that day shall come. The punishment, or hell of the wicked immediately after death, consists in the dreadful stings of an awakened: conscience, and the terrors of facing the great Judge! and the sensible apprehensions of eternal torments ensuing! And this bears still a due proportion to the evils they did when living. So indeed the state of some good folks differ but little in happiness from what they enjoyed in the world, save only that they are free from the body, and the sins and sorrows that attended it. On the other hand, there are some who may be said rather not to have been good, than that they are wicked; while living their state is not so easily distinguished from that of the former; and under that class comes a great head of souls; a vast number of ignorant people, who have not much minded the affairs of eternity, but at the same time have lived in much indolence, ignorance and innocence.
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knowledge of these things might have been easily attained.
COOL. They never properly rejected the terms of salvation; they never, strictly speaking, rejected Christ; poor souls, they have as great a liking both to him and heaven, as their gross imaginations were capable of. Impartial reason must make many allowances, as the stupidity of their parents want of education, distance from people of good sense and knowledge, and the uninterrupted application they were obliged to give to their secular affairs for their daily bread, the impious treachery of their pastors, who persuaded them that if they were of such a party all was well; and many other considerations, which God, who is pure and perfect reason itself, will not overlook. These are not so much under the load of divine displeasure, as they are out of his grace and favour; and you know it is one thing to be discouraged and quite another thing to be persecuted with all the power and rage of an incensed earthly king. I assure you, men's faces are not mere various and different in the world, than their circumstances are after death.
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the one was inmediately after death carried up by angels into Abraham's bosom, and the other thurst down immediately to hell.
COOL. Excuse me, sir, that does not contradict one word that I have said, but you seem not to understand the parable, whose only end is to illustrate the truth, that at man may be very happy and flourishing in this world, and most wretched and miserable in the next; and that a man may be miserable in this world, and more happy and glorious in the next.
OGIL. Being so, Cool, I shall yield that point to you and pass to another, which has afforded me much speculation since our last encounter; and that is, How you came to know that I talked after the manner that I did concerning Mr Paton, on the first Sabbath of February last. Was you present with me, but invisible? He answered very haughtily, No, sir, I was not present myself. I answered, I would not have you angry, Cool; I proposed this question for my own satisfaction, but if you don't think proper to answer, let it pass. After he had paused, with his eyes on the ground, for three or four minutes of time at most, with some haste and seeming cheerfulness, says,
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departed are employed in that errand.
OGIL. And do you not think that every man has a good angel?
COOL. No, but a great many particular men have; there are but few houses of distinction especially, but what have at least one attending them; and from what you have already heard of spirits, it is no difficult matter to understand how they may be serviceable to each particular member, though at different places at a great distance. Many are the good offices which the good angels do to them that fear God, though many times they are not sensible of it, and I know assuredly, that one powerful angel, or even an active clever soul departed, may be sufficient for some villages: but for your great cities, such as London, Edinburgh, or the like, there is one great angel, that has the superintendance of the whole; and there are inferior angels and souls departed, to whose particular care such a man, of such a particular weight or business, is committed. Now, sir, the kingdom of Satan does ape the kingdom of Christ as much in matters of politics, as can be,
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OGIL. I read that there are ten thousand times ten thousand of angels that wait upon God and sing his praise, and do his will, and I cannot understand how the good angels can be inferior in number to the evil.
COOL. Did I not say, that whatever the number be, the spirits departed are employed in the same business; so that as to the number of original deities, whereof Satan is chief, I cannot determine, but you need not doubt but there are more souls departed in that place, which in a loose sense you call hell, by almost an infinity than what are gone to that place, which in a like sense you call heaven, which likewise are employed in the same purpose: and I can assure you by the bye, that there is as great a difference between angels both good and bad, as there is among men, with respect to their sense, knowledge, cunning, cleverness, and action; nay, which is more, the departed souls on both sides outdo several, from the very first departure of the original angels. This you will perhaps thing a paradox, but it is true.
OGIL. I do not doubt it, but what is that to my question, about which I am solicitous?
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kingdoms, not to mention particular persons, villages, and families, and all that is transacted in these several parts of the country, are there made open; and at their re-encounter on each side, every thing is told, as in your parish, in milns, kilns, and smithies, only with this differences that many things false are talked at the living re-encounters, but nothing but what is exact truth is said or told among the dead; only I must observe to you, that, as I am credibly informed, several of the inferior bad angels, and souls of wicked men departed, have told many things that they have done, and then when a more intelligent spirit is sent out upon enquiry, and the report of the former seeming doubtful, he brings in a contrary report, and makes it appear truth, the former fares very ill; nevertheless, their regard to truth prevents it; for while they observe the truth they do their business and keep their station, for God is truth.
OGIL. So much truth being among the good angels, I am apt to think that lies and falsehoods will be as much in vogue among the bad.
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in admitting report he must tell the truth, or woe be to him. But besides their monthly, quarterly, or yearly meetings, or whatever they be, departed souls acquainted, may take a trip to see another yearly, weekly, daily, or oftener if they please. Thus then I answer your question that you was so much concerned about; for my information was from no less than three persons, viz. Andrew Aikman, who attends Thurston's family; Jawes Corbat, who waits upon Mr Paton; for at that time he was then looking after Mrs Sarah Paton, who was at your house; and an original emissary appointed to wait upon yours.
At this I was much surprised, and after a little thinking, I asked him, And is there really, Cool, an emissary from hell, in whatever sense you take it, that attends my family?
COOL. You may depend upon it.
OGIL. And what do you think is his business?
COOL. To divert you from your duty, and cause you to do as many ill things as he can; for much depend on having the minister on their side.
Upon this I was struck with a sort of terror, which I cannot account for, nor express! In the meantime he said several things I did not understand. But after a little, I coming to my former presence of mind, said,
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COOL. Just as sure as you are breathing, but be not so much dejected upon this information, for I tell you likewise, that there is a good angel who attends you; who is stronger than the other.
OGIL. Are you sure of that, Cool?
COOL. Yes; there is one riding on your right hand, who might as well have been elsewhere, for I meant you no harm.
OGIL. And how long has he been with me?
COOL. Only since we passed Brand’s-lee, but now he is gone.
OGIL. We are just upon Elensclugh, aud I desire to part with you, though perhaps I have gained more by conversation than I could have done otherwise in a twelvemonth; I choose rather to see you another time, when you are at leisure; and I wish it were at as great a distance from Innerwick as you can.
COOL. Be it so, sir; but I hope you will be as obliging to me next re-encounter, as I have been to you this.
OGIL. I promise you I will, as far as is consistent with my duty to my Lord and Master Christ Jesus: and since you have obliged me so much by information, I will answer all the questions you propose, as far as consists with my knowledge; but I believe you want no information from me.
COOL. I came not here to be instructed by you, but I want your help of another kind.
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with me on horseback, at the foot of the ruinous inclosure, before we came to Dod; I told him his last conversation had proved so acceptable to me, that I was well pleased to see him again; and that there was a vast number of things that I wanted to inform myself farther of, if he would be so good as to satisfy me.
COOL. Last time we met, I refused you nothing you asked; and now I expect that you shall refuse me nothing that I shall ask.
OGIL. Nothing, Sir, that is in my power, for that I can do with safety to my reputation and character. What then are your demands?
COOL. All that I desire of you is, that as you promised that on a Sabbath day you would go to my wife, who now possesses all my effects,
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a discharge for £200 Scots that I was owing to your father-in-law, and his own friend Mr Muirhead, which discharge I gave to John Ewart, when he desired the money; and he, at my desire, produced it to you, which you sustained.
A great many of the like instances were told, of which I cannot remember the persons names and things; but, says he, what vexes me more than all these, is the injustice I did to Homer Maxwell, tenant to my Lord Nithsdale, for whom I was factor. I borrowed 2000 merks from him, 500 of which he borrowed from another hand: I gave him my bond, and, for reasons contrived, I obliged him to secrecy. He died within the year, and left nine children, and his wife had died before himself. I came to seal up his papers for my Lord's security; his eldest daughter entreated me to look through them all and to give her an account what was their stock, and what was their debt. I very willingly undertook it, and in going through the papers, I put my own bond in my pocket. His circumstances proving bad, his nine children are now starving. These things I desire you to represent to my wife; and take her brother with you, and let them be immediately rectified, for she has a sufficient fund to do it upon; and if it were done, I think I would be easy and happy; therefore I hope you will make no delay.
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good errand, Cool, you are sending me to do justice to the oppressed and injured; but notwithstanding that, I see myself come in for £200 Scots, yet I begged a little time to consider the matter. And since I find you are as much master of reason now as ever, and more than ever, I will reason upon the matter in its general view, and then with respect to the expediency of my being the messenger; and this I will do with all manner of frankness. From what you have said, I sec clearly what your present condition is, so that I need not ask any more questions upon that head; and you need not bid me take courage, and be not afraid of you, for at this moment I am no more afraid of you than a new-born child.
COOL. Well, say on.
OGIL. Tell me then, since such is your ability that you can fly a thousand miles in the twinkling of an eye, if you desire to do the oppressed justice be as great as you pretend, what is the reason you don't fly to the coffers of some rich Jew or Banker, where are thousands of gold and silver, invisibly lift and invisibly return it to the coffers of the injured? And since your wife has sufficient fund, and more, why cannot you empty her purse, invisibly, to make these people amends?
COOL. Because I cannot.
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people, yet the guilt of the base action always remains upon you.
COOL. Now you think you have silenced me and gained a noble victory; but I will show yon your mistake immediately; for I cannot touch any gold or money, by reason of these spirits that are stated guardians of justice and honesty.
OGIL. What is that you tell me, Cool? Do not unworthy fellows break honses every night and yet you, that can put yourself into so many hundred different shapes in a moment, cannot do it? What is that you tell me, Cool?
COOL. 'Tis true, Sir, against the living, men may find out some probable means of securing themselves; but if spirits departed were allowed, then no man would be secure; for, in that case, every man that I had a prejudice at would soon be beggared.
OGIL. Might you not go to the mines of Mexico and Peru, where those little sums would not be missed?
COOL. No, Sir, for the same reason.
OGIL. But Cool, there is so much treasure lost in the sea, you may easily dive into the bottom of it, search that, and refund those people their losses, where no man is injured.
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spirits, good nor bad, had the power to take any money or gold; the good never do, though the bad, if once in an age, it is no small quarrel; for if it were allowed them, then they would be very successful in their business, and never fail of gaining their points.
OGIL. What hinders them, Cool?
COOL. Superior power, that governs and guards them.
OGIL. You have satisfied me entirely upon that head. But pray, Cool, what is the reason that you cannot go to your wife yourself, and tell her what you have a mind; I should think this a more sure way to gain your point.
COOL Because I will not.
OGIL. That is not an answer to me, Cool.
COOL. That is one of the questions that I told you long ago I would not answer; but if you go as I desire, I promise to give you full satisfaction after you have done your business. Trust me for once, and believe I will not disappoint you.
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I told him that the list of his grievances were so great, that I conld not possibly remember them without being put in writing; and that I wanted nothing but reason to determine me in that and all other affairs of my life I know, said he, this is a mere evation; but tell me if the Laird of Thurston will do it? I am sure, said I, he will not; and if he should, I would do all that I could to hinder him; for I think he has as little concern in these matters as myself. But tell me, Cool, is it not as easy to write your story as tell it, or ride on what-do-you-call-him, for I have forgot your horse's name.
COOL. No, sir, it is not ; and perhaps I may convince you of the reasonableness of it afterwards.
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the devil had spoken with me; and who should I repeat these things for truth, which he, that was a liar from the beginning, had told me: C———p———! and B———m H———rie would be upon me, and pursue me before the Commissary; and every body would look upon me as brain-sick or mad: therefore I entreat you do not insist upon sending me so ridiculous an errand. The reasonableness of my demands I leave to your own consideration, as you did your former to mine. But dropping the matter till our next interview, give me leave to enter upon some more diverting subject; and I do not know, Cool, but the information you have given, may do as much service to mankind, as the redress of all these grievances would amount to.
[Mr Ogilvie died very soon after.]
FINIS.
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A
WONDERFUL STORY,
FROM A BOOK ENTITLED
VISITS FROM THE WORLD OF
SPIRITS.
A Clergyman, who lived in the Massachusetts, and had entertaining an opinion, for more than fifty years, that such stories were only the vapours of distempered and weak brains, was convinced at last in the following manner: Being in his own garden, he saw his own likeness or apparition, dressed just as he then was, passed by him, and looked him full in the face. He ran into the house in a great surprise, told his family what he had seen, that he was convinced of his former errors, and that he feared he should live but a few days. His words proved true, for he died in a short time after.
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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