# Teleny, or The Reverse of the Medal/Chapter VIII

CHAPTER VIII
"TIME passed——"
"Of course, time never stops, so it is useless to say that it passed. Tell me, rather, what became of the poor Spahi?"
"He died, poor fellow! At first there was a general sauve qui peut from Briancourt's. Dr. Charles sent for his instruments and extracted the pieces of glass, and I was told that the poor young man suffered the most excruciating pains like a Stoic without uttering a cry or a groan; his courage was indeed worthy of a better cause. The operation finished, Dr. Charles told the sufferer that he ought to be transported to the hospital, for he was afraid that an inflammation might take place in the pierced parts of the intestines.
​"'What!' said he; 'go to the hospital, and expose myself to the sneers of all the nurses and doctors—never!'
"'But,' said his friend, 'should inflammation set in——'
"'It would be all up with me?'
"'I am afraid so.'
"'And is it likely that the inflammation will take place?'
"'Alas! more than likely.'
"'And if it does——?'
"Dr. Charles looked serious, but gave no answer.
"'It might be fatal?'
"'Yes.'
"'Well, I'll think it over. Anyhow, I must go home—that is, to my lodgings, to put some things to rights.'
"In fact, he was accompanied home, and there he begged to be left alone for half an hour.
"As soon as he was by himself, he locked the door of the room, took a revolver and shot himself. The cause of the suicide remained a mystery to everybody except ourselves.
​"This and another case which happened shortly afterwards, cast a dampness on us all, and for some time put an end to Briancourt's symposiums."
"And what was this other case?"
"One you have most likely read about, for it was in all the papers at the time it occurred. An elderly gentleman, whose name I have quite forgotten, was silly enough to be caught in the very act of sodomizing a soldier—a lusty young recruit lately arrived from the country. The case made a great ado, for the gentleman occupied a foremost position in society, and was, moreover, not only a person of unblemished reputation, but a most religious man besides."
"What! do you think it possible for a truly religious man to be addicted to such a vice?"
"Of course it is. Vice renders us superstitious; and what is superstition save an obsolete and discarded form of worship. It is the sinner and not the saint that needs a Saviour, an intercessor, and a priest; if you have nothing to atone for, what is the use of religion to you? Religion is no bridle to a passion, which—though termed ​against nature—is so deeply engrafted in our nature that reason can neither cool nor mask it. The Jesuits are, therefore, the only real priests. Far from damning you, like ranting Dissenters do, they have at least a thousand palliations for all the diseases which they cannot cure—a balm for every heavy-laden conscience.
"But to return to our story. When the young soldier was asked by the judge how he could thus degrade himself, and sully the uniform he wore,—'M. le Juge,' quoth he, ingenuously, 'the gentleman was very kind to me. Moreover, being a very influential person, he promised me un avancement dans le corps' (an advancement in the body)!
"Time passed, and I lived happily with Teleny—for who would not have been happy with him, handsome, good, and clever as he was? His playing now was so genial, so exuberant with lusty life, so beaming with sensual happiness, that he was daily becoming a greater favourite, and all the ladies were more than ever in love with him; but what did I care, was he not wholly mine?"
"What! you were not jealous?"
​"How could I be jealous, when he never gave me the slightest cause. I had the key of his house, and could go there at any moment of the day or of the night. If he ever left town I invariably accompanied him. No, I was sure of his love, and therefore of his fidelity, as he likewise had also perfect faith in me.
"He had, however, one great defect—he was an artist, and had an artist's lavishness in the composition of his character. Although he now gained enough to live comfortably, his concerts did not yet afford him the means to live in the princely way he did. I often lectured him on that score; he invariably promised me not to throw away his money, but, alas! there was in the web of his nature some of the yarn of which my namesake's mistress—Manon Lescaut—was made.
"Knowing that he had debts, and that he was often worried with duns, I begged him several times to give me his accounts, that I might settle all his bills, and allow him to begin life afresh. He would not have me even speak of such a thing.
"'I know myself,' he said, 'better than yo ​do; if I accept once, I'll do so again, and what will be the upshot? I'll end by being kept by you.'
"'And where is the great harm?' was my reply. 'Do you think I'd love you less for it?'
"'Oh! no; you perhaps might love me even more on account of the money I cost you—for we are often fond of a friend according to what we do for him—but I might be induced to love you less; gratitude is such an unbearable burden to human nature. I am your lover, it is true, but do not let me sink lower than that, Camille,' said he, with a wistful eagerness.
"'See! since I knew you, have I not tried to make ends meet? Some day or other I might even manage to pay off old debts; so do not tempt me any more.'
"Thereupon, taking me in his arms, he covered me with kisses.
"How handsome he was just then! I think I can see him leaning on a dark-blue satin cushion, with his arms under his head, as you are leaning now, for you have many of his feline, graceful ways.
​"We had now become inseparable, for our love seemed to wax stronger every day, and with us 'fire never drove out fire,' but, on the contrary, it grew on what it fed; so I lived far more with him than at home.
"My office did not take up much of my time, and I only remained there just long enough to attend to my business, and also to leave him some moments to practise. The remainder of the day we were together.
"At the theatre we occupied the same box, alone, or with my mother. Neither of us accepted, as was soon known, any invitation to whatsoever entertainment where the other was not also a guest. At the public promenades we either walked, rode or drove together. In fact, had our union been blessed by the Church, it could not have been a closer one. Let the moralist after that explain to me the harm we did, or the law-giver that would apply to us the penalty inflicted to the worst of criminals, the wrong we did to society.
"Although we did not dress alike, still—being almost of the same build, of about the ​same age, as well as of identical tastes—the people, who saw us always arm-in-arm, ended by not being able to think of the one apart from the other.
"Our friendship had almost become proverbial, and 'No Réné without Camille' had become a kind of by-word."
"But you, that had been so terrorized by the anonymous note, did you not fear that people might begin to suspect the real nature of your attachment?"
"That fear had quite passed away. Does the shame of a divorce-court keep the adultress from meeting her lover? Do the impending terrors of the law keep the thief from stealing? My conscience had been lulled by happiness into a calm repose; moreover, the knowledge I had acquired at Briancourt's gatherings, that I was not the only member of our cankered society who loved in the Socratic fashion, and that men of the highest intelligence, of the kindest heart, and of the purest aesthetic feelings, were—like myself—sodomists, quieted me. It is not the pains of hell we dread, but rather the low society ​we might meet there below.
"The ladies now had, I believe, begun to suspect that our excessive friendship was of too loving a nature; and as I have heard since, we had been nicknamed the angels of Sodom—hinting, thereby, that these heavenly messengers had not escaped their doom. But what did I care if some tribades suspected us of sharing their own frailties."
"And your mother?"
"She was actually suspected of being Réné's mistress. I was amused by it; the idea was so very absurd."
"But had she not any inkling of your love for your friend?"
"You know the husband is always the last to suspect his wife's infidelity. She was surprised to see the change wrought in me. She even asked me how it was that I had learnt to like the man I had snubbed and treated with such disdain; and then she added,—
"'You see you must never be prejudiced, and judge people without knowing them.'
"A circumstance, however, which happened ​at that time forcibly diverted my mother's attention away from Teleny.
"A young ballet-girl, whose attention I had apparently attracted at a masked ball, either feeling a certain liking for me, or else thinking me an easy prey, wrote a most loving epistle to me, and invited me to call upon her.
"Not knowing how to refuse the honour she was conferring upon me, and at the same time never liking to treat any woman scornfully, I sent her a huge basket of flowers and a book explaining their meaning.
"She understood that my love was bestowed elsewhere; still, in return for my present, I received a fine large photograph of her. I then called on her to thank her, and thus we soon got to be very good friends, but only friends and nothing more.
"As I had left the letter and the portrait in my room, my mother, who certainly saw the one, must likewise have seen the other, too. That is why she never gave my liaison with the musician a single thought.
"In her conversation there were, every now ​and then, either slight innuendoes or broad hints about the folly of men who ruin themselves for the corps de ballet, or about the bad taste of those who marry their own and other people's mistresses, but that was all.
"She knew that I was my own master, therefore she did not meddle with my own private life, but left me to do exactly what I liked. If I had a faux menage somewhere or other, so much the better or so much the worse for me. She was glad that I had the good taste to respect les convenances, and not to make a public affair of it. Only a man of forty-five who has made up his mind not to marry can brave public opinion, and keep a mistress ostentatiously.
"Moreover, it has occurred to me that, as she did not wish me to look too closely into the aim of her frequent little journeys, she left me full liberty to act at my own discretion."
"She was still a young woman at that time, was she not?"
"That entirely depends upon what you call a young woman. She was about thirty-seven or thirty-eight, and was exceedingly young-looking ​for her age. She has always been spoken of as a most beautiful and desirable woman.
"She was very handsome. Tall, with splendid arms and shoulders, a well-poised and erect head, you could not have helped remarking her whithersoever she went. Her eyes were large and of an invariable and impassable calmness that nothing ever seemed to ruffle; her eyebrows, which almost met, were level and thick; her hair, dark, naturally wavy, and in massy clusters; her forehead, low and broad; her nose, straight and small. All this combined to give something classically grave and statuesque to her whole countenance.
"Her mouth, however, was her best feature; not only was it perfect in its outline, but her almost pouting lips were so cherry-like, sappy, and luscious, that you longed to taste them. Such a mouth must have played the deuce with the men of strong desires who looked upon it—nay, it must have acted like a love-philtre, awakening the eager fire of lust even in the most sluggish hearts. In fact, few were the trousers that did not swell out in my mother's presence, ​notwithstanding all their owner's efforts not to shew the tattoo which was being beaten within them; and this, I should think, is the finest compliment that can be paid to a woman's beauty, for it is a natural not a maudlin one.
"Her manners, however, had that repose, and her gait that calmness, which not only stamp the caste of Vere de Vere but which characterize an Italian peasant and a French grande dame, though never met with in the German aristocracy. She seemed born to reign as a queen of drawing-rooms, and therefore accepted as her due, and without the slightest show of pleasure, not only all the flattering articles of the fashionable papers, but also the respectful homage of a host of distant admirers, not one of whom would have dared to attempt a flirtation with her. To everybody she was like Juno, an irreproachable woman who might have been either a volcano or an iceberg."
"And may I ask what she was?"
"A lady who received and paid innumerable visits, and who seemed always to preside everywhere—at the dinner-parties she gave, and also at those she accepted,—therefore the paragon of a lady ​patroness. A shopkeeper once observed, 'It is a red-letter day when Madame Des Grieux stops before our windows, for she not only attracts the gentlemen's attention, but also that of the ladies, who often buy what has caught her artistic eye.'
"She had, besides, that excellent thing in woman:—
'Her voice was ever soft, Gentle and low;'
for I think I could get accustomed to a plain-featured wife, but not to one whose voice is shrill, harsh, and piercing."
"They say that you looked very much like her."
"Do they? Anyhow, I hope that you do not wish me to praise my mother like Lamartine did, and then to add modestly, 'I am after her own image.'"
"But how is it that having become a widow so young, she did not marry again? Rich and handsome as she was, she must have had as many suitors as Penelope herself."
"Some day or other I will tell you her life, ​and then you will understand why she preferred her liberty to the ties of matrimony."
"She was fond of you, was she not?"
"Yes, very; and so was I of her. Moreover—had I not been given to those propensities which I dared not avow to her, and which only tribades can understand; had I, like other men of my age, been living a merry life of fornication with whores, mistresses, and lively grisettes—I should often have made her the confidante of my erotic exploits, for in the moment of bliss our prodigal feelings are often blunted by the too great excess, whilst the remembrance doled out at our will is a real twofold pleasure of the senses and of the mind.
"Teleny, however, had of late become a kind of bar between us, and I think she had got to be rather jealous of him, for his name seemed to have become as objectionable to her as it formerly had been to me."
"Did she begin to suspect your liaison?"
"I did not know whether she suspected it, or if she was beginning to be jealous of the affection I bore him.
​"Matters, however, were coming to a crisis, and were shaping towards the dreadful way in which they ended.
"One day a grand concert was to be given at——, and L—— who was to play having been taken ill, Teleny was asked to take his place. It was an honour he could not refuse.
"'I am loath to leave you,' said he, 'even for a day or two, for I know that just now you are so busy that you cannot possibly get away, especially as your manager is ill.'
"'Yes,' said I, 'it is rather awkward, still I might——'
"'No, no, it would be foolish; I'll not allow you.'
"'But you know it is so long since you played at a concert where I was not present.'
"You'll be present in mind if not in body. I shall see you sitting in your usual place, and I shall play for you and you alone. Besides, we have never been parted for any length of time—no, not for a single day since Briancourt's letter. Let us try and see if we can live apart for two days. Who knows? Perhaps, some time or other——'
​"'What do you mean?'
"'Nothing, only you might get tired of this life. You might, like other men, marry just to have a family.'
"'A family!' I burst out laughing. 'Is that encumbrance so very necessary to a man's happiness?'
"'My love might surfeit you.'
"'Réné, don't speak in that way! Could I live without you?'
"He smiled incredulously.
"'What! do you doubt my love?'
"'Can I doubt that the stars are fire? but,' continued he, slowly, and looking at me, 'do you doubt mine?'
"It seemed to me as if he had grown pale when he put that question to me.
"'No. Have you ever given me the slightest cause to doubt it?'
"'And if I were unfaithful?'
"'Teleny,' said I, feeling faint, 'you have another lover.' And I saw him in the arms of someone else, tasting that bliss which was mine and mine alone.
​"'No,' said he, 'I have not; but if I had?'
"'You would love him—or her, and then my life would be blasted for ever.'
"'No, not for ever; only for a time, perhaps. But could you not forgive me?'
"'Yes, if you still loved me.'
"The idea of losing him sent a sharp pang through my heart, which seemed to act like a sound flagellation, my eyes were filled with tears, and my blood was on fire. I therefore clasped him in my arms and hugged him, straining all my muscles in my embrace; my lips eagerly sought his, my tongue was in his mouth. The more I kissed him the sadder I grew, and the more eager was my desire. I stopped a moment to look at him. How handsome he was that day! His beauty was almost ethereal.
"I can see him now with that aureole of hair so soft and silky, the colour of a golden ray of sunshine playing through a crystal goblet of topaz-coloured wine, with his moist half-opened mouth, Oriental in its voluptuousness, with his blood-red lips which no illness had withered like those of the painted, musk-scented courtezans ​who sell a few moments of carrion bliss for gold, nor discoloured like those of pale, wasp-waisted, anæmic virgins, whose monthly menses have left in their veins nothing but a colourless fluid instead of ruby blood.
"And those luminous eyes, in which an innate, sullen fire seemed to temper the lust of the carnal mouth, just as his cheeks, almost child-like in their innocent, peachy roundness, contrasted with the massive throat so full of manly vigour,—
'and a form indeed. Where every god did seem to set his seal To give the world assurance of a man.'
Let the listless, orris-scented æsthete in love with a shadow, scourge me after this for the burning, maddening passion which his virile beauty excited in my breast. Well—yes, I am like the men of fervent blood born on the volcanic soil of Naples, or under the glowing sun of the East; and, after all, I would rather be like Brunette Latun—a man who loved his fellow-men,—than like Dante, who sent them all to hell, whilst he himself went to that effete place called heaven, with a languid vision of his own creation.
​"Teleny returned me my kisses with the passionate eagerness of despair. His lips were on fire, his love seemed to have changed into a raging fever. I don't know what had come over me, but I felt that pleasure could kill, but not calm me. My head was all aglow!
"There are two kinds of lascivious feelings, both equally strong and overpowering: the one is the fervent, carnal lust of the senses, enkindled in the genital organs and mounting to the brain, making human beings
'Swim in mirth, and fancy that they feel Divinity within them breeding wings Wherewith to scorn the earth.'
The other is the cold libidinousness of fancy, the keen and gall-like irradiation of the brain which parches the healthy blood.
"The first, the strong concupiscence of lusty youth—
'as with new wine intoxicated,'
natural to the flesh, is satisfied as soon as men take largely
'their fill of love and love's disport,'
​and the heavily-laden anther has sturdily shaken forth the seed that clogged it; and then they feel as our first parents did, when dewy sleep
'Oppressed them, wearied with their amorous play.'
The body.then so delightfully light seems to rest on 'earth's freshest, softest lap,' and the slothful yet half-awakened mind broods over its slumbering shell.
"The second, kindled in the head,
'bred of unkindly fumes,'
is the lechery of senility—a morbid craving, like the hunger of surfeited gluttony. The senses, like Messalina,
'lassata sed non satiata,'
ever tingling, keep hankering after the impossible. The spermatic ejaculations, far from calming the body, only irritate it, for the exciting influence of a salacious fancy continues after the anther has yielded all its seed. Even if acrid blood comes instead of the balmy, cream-like fluid, it brings with it nothing but a painful irritation. If, unlike as in styriasis, an erection does not take place, and the phallus remains limp ​and lifeless, still the nervous system is no less convulsed by impotent desire and lechery—a mirage of the over-heated brain, no less shattering because it is effete.
"These two feelings combined together are something akin to what I underwent as, holding Teleny clasped against my throbbing, heaving breast, I felt within me the contagion of his eager longing and of his overpowering sadness.
"I had taken off my friend's shirt collar and cravat to see and to feel his beautiful bare neck, then little by little I stripped him of all his clothes, till at last he remained naked in my embrace.
"What a model of voluptuous comeliness he was, with his strong and muscular shoulders, his broad and swelling chest, his skin of a pearly whiteness, as soft and as fresh as the petals of a waterlily, his limbs rounded like those of Leotard, with whom every woman was in love. His thighs, his legs and feet in their exquisite grace, were perfect models.
"The more I looked upon him the more enamoured I was of him. But the sight was not ​enough. I had to heighten the visual delight by the sense of touch, I had to feel the tough and yet elastic muscles of the arm in the palm of my hand, to fondle his massive and sinewy breast, to paddle his back. From there my hands descended down to the round lobes of the rump, and I clasped him against me by the buttocks. Thereupon, tearing off my clothes, I pressed all his body on mine, and rubbed myself against him, wriggling like a worm. Lying over him as I was, my tongue was in his mouth, searching for his, that receded, and was darted out when mine retired, for they seemed to play a wanton, bickering game of hide-and-seek together—a game which made all the body quiver with delight.
"Then our fingers twisted the crisp and curly hair that grew all around the middle parts, or handled the testicles, so softly and so gently that they were hardly sentient of the touch, and still they shivered in a way that almost made the fluid in them flow out before its time.
"The most skilled of prostitutes could never give such thrilling sensations as those which I felt with my lover, for the tweake is, after all, only ​acquainted with the pleasures she herself has felt; whilst the keener emotions, not being those of her sex, are unknown to and cannot be imagined by her.
"Likewise, no man is ever able to madden a woman with such overpowering lust as another tribade can, for she alone knows how to tickle her on the right spot just in the nick of time. The quintessence of bliss can, therefore, only be enjoyed by beings of the same sex.
"Our two bodies were now in as close a contact as the glove is to the hand it sheathes, our feet were tickling each other wantonly, our knees were pressed together, the skin of our thighs seemed to cleave and to form one flesh.
"Though I was loath to rise, still, feeling his stiff and swollen phallus throbbing against my body, I was just going to tear myself off from him, and to take his fluttering implement of pleasure in my mouth and drain it, when he—feeling that mine was now not only turgid, but moist and brimful to overflowing—clasped me with his arms and kept me down.
"Opening his thighs, he thereupon took my ​legs between his own, and entwined them in such a way that his heels pressed against the sides of my calves. For a moment I was gripped as in a vice, and I could hardly move.
"Then loosening his arms, he uplifted himself, placed a pillow under his buttocks, which were thus well apart—his legs being all the time widely open.
"Having done this, he took hold of my rod and pressed it against his gaping anus. The tip of the frisky phallus soon found its entrance in the hospitable hole that endeavoured to give it admission. I pressed a little; the whole of the glans was engulfed. The sphincter soon gripped it in such a way that it could not come out without an effort. I thrust it slowly to prolong as much as possible the ineffable sensation that ran through every limb, to calm the quivering nerves, and to allay the heat of the blood. Another push, and half the phallus was in his body. I pulled it out half an inch, though it seemed to me a yard by the prolonged pleasure I felt. I pressed forward again, and the whole of it, down to its very root, was all swallowed up. Thus wedged, I vainly ​endeavoured to drive it higher up—an impossible feat, and, clasped as I was, I felt it wriggling in its sheath like a baby in its mother's womb, giving myself and him an unutterable and delightful titillation.
"So keen was the bliss that overcame me, that I asked myself if some ethereal, life-giving fluid were not being poured on my head, and trickling down slowly over my quivering flesh?
"Surely the rain-awakened flowers must be conscious of such a sensation during a shower, after they have been parched by the scorching rays of an estival sun.
"Teleny again put his arm round me and held me tight. I gazed at myself within his eyes, he saw himself in mine. During this voluptuous, lambent feeling, we patted each other's bodies softly, our lips cleaved together and my tongue was again in his mouth. We remained in this copulation almost without stirring, for I felt that the slightest movement would provoke a copious ejaculation, and this feeling was too exquisite to be allowed to pass away so quickly. Still we could not help writhing, and we almost swooned ​away with delight. We were both shivering with lust, from the roots of our hair to the tips of our toes; all the flesh of our bodies kept bickering luxuriously, just as placid waters of the mere do at noontide when kissed by the sweet-scented, wanton breeze that has just deflowered the virgin rose.
"Such intensity of delight could not, however, last very long; a few almost unwilling contractions of the sphincter brandle the phallus, and then the first brunt was over; I thrust in with might and main, I wallowed on him; my breath came thickly; I panted, I sighed, I groaned. The thick burning fluid was spouted out slowly and at long intervals.
"As I rubbed myself against him, he underwent all the sensations I was feeling; for I was hardly drained of the last drop before I was likewise bathed with his own seething sperm. We did not kiss each other any further; our languid, half-open, lifeless lips only aspired each other's breath. Our sightless eyes saw each other no more, for we fell into that divine prostration which follows shattering ecstacy.
​"Oblivion, however, did not follow, but we remained in a benumbed state of torpor, speechless, forgetting everything except the love we bore each other, unconscious of everything save the pleasure of feeling each other's bodies, which, however, seemed to have lost their own individuality, mingled and confounded as they were together. Apparently we had but one head and one heart, for they beat in such unison, and the same vague thoughts flitted through both our brains.
"Why did not Jehovah strike us dead that moment? Had we not provoked Him enough? How was it that the jealous God was not envious of our bliss? Why did He not hurl one of His avenging thunderbolts at us, and annihilate us?"
"What! and have pitched you both headlong into hell?"
"Well, what then? Hell, of course, is no excelsior—no place of false aspirations after an unreachable ideal of fallacious hopes and bitter disappointments. Never pretending to be what we are not, we shall find there true contentedness of mind, and our bodies will be able to develop ​those faculties with which nature has endowed them. Not being either hypocrites or dissemblers, the dread of being seen such as we really are can never torment us.
"If we are grossly bad, we shall at least be truthfully so. There will be amongst us that honesty which here on earth exists only amongst thieves; and moreover, we shall have that genial companionship of fellow-beings after our own heart.
"Is hell, then, such a place to be dreaded? Thus, even admitting of an after-life in the bottomless pit, which I do not, hell would only be the paradise of those whom nature has created fit for it. Do animals repine for not having been created men? No, I think not. Why should we, then, make ourselves unhappy for not having been born angels?
"At that moment it seemed as if we were floating somewhere between heaven and earth, not thinking that everything that has a beginning has likewise an end.
"The senses were blunted, so that the downy couch upon which we were resting was like a ​bed of clouds. A death-like silence was reigning around us. The very noise and hum of the great city seemed to have stopped—or, at least, we did not hear it. Could the world have stopped in its rotation, and the hand of Time have arrested itself in its dismal march?
"I remember languidly wishing that my life could pass away in that placidly dull and dreamy state, so like a mesmeric trance, when the benumbed body is thrown into a death-like torpor, and the mind,
'Like an ember among fallen ashes,'
is just wakeful enough to feel the consciousness of ease and of peaceful rest.
"All at once we were roused from our pleasant somnolence by the jarring sound of an electric bell.
"Teleny jumped up, hastened to wrap himself in a dressing-gown, and to attend to the summons. A few moments afterwards he came back with a telegram in his hand.
"'What is it?' I asked.
"'A message from ——,' he replied, looking ​at me wistfully, and with a certain trepidation in his voice.
"'And you have to go?'
"'I suppose I must,' said he, with a mournful sadness in his eyes.
"'Is it so distasteful to you?'
"'Distasteful is not the word; it is unbearable. This is the first parting, and——'
"'Yes, but only for a day or two.'
"'A day or two,' added he, gloomily, 'is the space that divides life from death:—
"It is the little rift within the lute, That by-and-by will make the music mute, And ever widening slowly silence all."'
"'Teleny, you have had for some days a weight on your mind—something that I cannot fathom. Will you not tell your friend what it is?'
"He opened his eyes widely, as if he were looking into the depths of limitless space, whilst a painful expression was seen upon his lips; and then he added slowly,—
"'My fate. Have you forgotten the ​prophetic vision you had that evening of the charity concert?'
"'What! Adrian mourning over dead Antinöus?'
"'Yes.'
"'A fancy bred in my over-heated brain by the conflicting qualities of your Hungarian music, so stirringly sensuous and at the same time so gorgeously mournful.'
"He shook his head sadly.
"'No, it was something more than idle fancy.'
"'A change has been taking place in you, Teleny. Perhaps it is the religious or spiritual element of your nature that is predominating just now over the sensual, but you are not what you were.'
"'I feel that I have been too happy, but that our happiness is built on sand—a bond like ours——'
"'Not blessed by the Church, repugnant to the nice feelings of most men.'
"A little pitted speck in garnered fruit That, rotting inward, slowly moulders all."
Why did we meet—or, rather, why was not one of us born a woman? Had you only been some poor girl——'
"'Come, leave aside your morbid fancies, and tell me candidly if you would have loved me more than you do.'
"He looked at me sadly, but could not bring himself to utter an untruth. Still, after awhile he added, sighing:—
'"There is a love that is to last, When the hot days of youth are past."
Tell me, Camille, is such love ours?'
"'Why not? Can you not always be as fond of me as I am of you, or do I only care for you on account of the sensual pleasures you afford me? You know that my heart yearns for you when the senses are satiated and the desire is blunted.'
"'Still, had it not been for me, you might have loved some woman whom you could have married——'
"'And have found out, but too late, that ​I was born with other cravings. No, sooner or later I should have followed my destiny.'
"'Now it might be quite different; satiated with my love, you might, perhaps, marry and forget me.'
"'Never. But come, have you been confessing yourself? Are you going to turn Calvinist? or, like the "Dame aux Camellias," or Antinöus, do you think it necessary to sacrifice yourself on the altar of love for my sake?'
"'Please, don't joke.'
"'No, I'll tell you what we'll do. Let us leave France. Let us go to Spain, to Southern Italy—nay, let us leave Europe, and go to the East, where I must surely have lived during some former life, and which I have a hankering to see, just as if the land
"Where the flowers ever blossom, the beams ever shine,"
had been the home of my youth; there, unknown to everyone, forgotten by the world.'
"'Yes, but can I leave this town?' said he, musingly, more to himself than to me.
"I knew that of late Teleny had been ​dunned a good deal, and that his life had often been rendered unpleasant by usurers.
"Caring, therefore, but little what people might think of me—besides, who has not a good opinion of the man that pays?—I had called all his creditors together, and, unknown to him, I had settled all his debts. I was about to tell him so, and relieve him from the weight that was oppressing him, when Fate—blind, inexorable, crushing Fate—sealed my mouth.
"There was again a loud ring at the door. Had that bell been rung a few seconds later, how different his life and mine would have been! But it was Kismet, as the Turks say.
"It was the carriage that had come to take him to the station. Whilst he was getting ready, I helped him to pack up his dress suit and some other little things he might require. I took up, by chance, a small match-box containing French letters, and smiling, said,—
"'Here, I'll put them in your trunk; they might be useful.'
"He shuddered, and grew deathly pale.
"'Who knows?' said I; 'some beautiful ​lady patroness——'
"'Please, don't joke,' he retorted, almost angrily.
"'Oh! now I can afford to do so, but once—do you know that I was even jealous of my mother?'
"Teleny at that moment dropped the mirror he was holding, which, as it fell, was shivered to pieces.
"For a moment we both looked aghast. Was it not a dreadful omen?
"Just then the clock on the mantelpiece struck the hour. Teleny shrugged his shoulders.
"'Come,' said he, 'there is no time to lose.'
"He snatched up his portmanteau, and we hurried downstairs.
"I accompanied him to the terminus, and before leaving him when he alighted from the carriage, my arms were clasped round him, and our lips met in a last and lingering kiss. They clung fondly to one another, not with the fever of lust, but with a love all fraught with tenderness, and with a sorrow that gripped the muscles of the heart.
​"His kiss was like the last emanation of a withering flower, or like the sweet scent shed at evening tide by one of those delicate white cactus blossoms that open their petals at dawn, follow the sun in its diurnal march, then droop and fade away with the planet's last rays.
"At parting from him I felt as if I had been bereft of my soul itself. My love was like a Nessus shirt, the severing of which was as painful as having my flesh torn from me piecemeal. It was as if the joy of my life had been snatched away from me.
"I watched him as he hurried away with his springy step and feline grace. When he had reached the portal he turned round. He was deathly pale, and in his despair he looked like a man about to commit suicide. He waved a last farewell, and quickly disappeared.
"The sun had set for me. Night had come over the world. I felt
'like a soul belated; In hell and heaven unmated;'
and, shuddering, I asked myself, what morn would come out of all this darkness?
​"The agony visible on his face struck a deep terror within me; then I thought how foolish we both were in giving each other such unnecessary pain, and I rushed out of the carriage after him.
"All at once a heavy country lout ran up against me, and clasped me in his arms.
"'Oh, ——!' I did not catch the name he said—'what an unexpected pleasure! How long have you been here?'
"'Let me go—let me go! You are mistaken!' I screamed out, but he held me fast.
"As I wrestled with the man, I heard the signal bell ring. With a strong jerk I pushed him away, and ran into the station. I reached the platform a few seconds too late, the train was in motion, Teleny had disappeared.
"Nothing was then left for me to do but to post a letter to this friend of mine, begging him to forgive me for having done what he had often forbidden me to do; that is, to have given an order to my attorney to collect all his outstanding accounts, and pay all those debts that had so long been weighing upon him. That letter, however, he never got.
​"I jumped back into the cab, and was whirled away to my office through the crowded thoroughfares of the town.
"What a jarring bustle there was everywhere! How sordid and meaningless this world appeared!
"A garishly-dressed, smirking female was casting lewd glances at a lad, and tempting him to follow her. A one-eyed satyr was ogling a very young girl—a mere child. I thought I knew him. Yes, it was that loathsome school-fellow of mine, Bion, only he looked even more of a pimp than his father used to look. A fat, sleek-headed man was carrying a cantaloup melon, and his mouth seemed to be watering at the prospect of the pleasure he would have in eating it after the soup, with his wife and children. I asked myself if ever man or woman could have kissed that slobbering mouth without feeling sick?
"I had during these last three days quite neglected my office, and my manager was ill. I therefore felt it a duty to set to work and do what had to be done. Notwithstanding the sorrow ​gnawing in my heart, I began answering letters and telegrams, or giving the necessary directions as to how they were to be answered. I worked feverishly, rather like a machine than a man. For a few hours I was quite absorbed in complicated commercial transactions, and although I worked and reckoned clearly, still my friend's face, with his mournful eyes, his voluptuous mouth with its bitter smile, was ever before me, whilst an after-taste of his kiss still lingered on my lips.
"The hour for shutting up the office came, and yet not half of my task was done. I saw, as in a dream, the rueful faces of my clerks kept back from their dinners or from their pleasures. They had all somewhere to go to. I was alone, even my mother was away. I therefore bade them go, saying I should remain with the head book-keeper. They did not wait to be told twice; in a twinkling the offices were empty.
"As for the accountant, he was a commercial fossil, a kind of living calculating machine; grown so old in the office that all his limbs creaked like rusty hinges every time he moved, so that he ​hardly ever did move. Nobody had ever seen him anywhere else but on his high stool; he was always at his place before any of the junior clerks came in, he was still there when they went off. Life for him had only one aim—that of making endless additions.
"Feeling rather sick, I sent the office boy for a bottle of dry sherry and a box of vanilla-wafers. When the lad returned I told him he could go.
"I poured out a glass of wine for the bookkeeper, and handed him the box of biscuits. The old man took up the glass with his parchment-coloured hand, and held it up to the light as if he were calculating its chemical properties or its specific weight. Then he sipped it slowly with evident gusto.
"As for the wafer he looked at it carefully, just as if it had been a draft he was going to register.
"Then we both set to work again, and at about ten, all the letters and dispatches having been answered, I heaved a deep sigh of relief.
"'If my manager comes to-morrow, as he said he would, he'll be satisfied with me.'
​"I smiled as this thought flitted through my brain. What was I working for? Lucre, to please my clerk, or for the work itself? I am sure I hardly knew. I think I laboured for the feverish excitement the work gave me, just as men play at chess to keep their brains active with other thoughts than those that oppress them; or, perhaps, because I was born with working propensities like bees or ants.
"Not wanting to keep the poor book-keeper on his stool any longer, I admitted the fact to him that it was time to shut up the office. He got up slowly, with a crepitating sound, took off his spectacles like an automaton, wiped them leisurely, put them in their case, quietly took out another pair—for he had glasses for every occasion—put them on his nose, then looked at me.
"'You have gone through a vast amount of work. If your grandfather and your father could have seen you, they surely would have been pleased with you.'
"I again poured out two glasses of wine, one of which I handed to him. He quaffed the wine, pleased, not with the wine itself, but for ​my kindness in offering it to him. Then I shook hands with him, and we parted.
"Where was I to go now—home?
"I wished my mother had come back. I had got a letter from her that very afternoon; in it she said that, instead of returning in a day or two, as she had intended doing, she might, perhaps, go off to Italy for a short time. She was suffering from a slight attack of bronchitis, and she dreaded the fogs and dampness of our town.
"Poor mother! I now thought that, since my intimacy with Teleny, there had been a slight estrangement between us; not that I loved her less, but because Teleny engrossed all my mental and bodily faculties. Still, just now that he was away, I almost felt mother-sick, and I decided to write a long and affectionate letter to her as soon as I got home.
"Meanwhile I walked on at hap-hazard. After wandering about for an hour, I found myself unexpectedly before Teleny's house. I had wended my steps thitherwards, without knowing where I went. I looked up at Teleny's windows with longing eyes. How I loved that house. ​I could have kissed the very stones on which he had stepped.
"The night was dark but clear, the street—a very quiet one—was not of the best lighted, and for some reason or other the nearest gas-lamp had gone out.
"As I kept staring up at the windows, it seemed as if I saw a faint light glimmering through the crevices of the shut-np blinds. 'Of course,' thought I, 'it is only my imagination.'
"I strained my eyes. 'No, surely, I am not mistaken,' said I, audibly to myself, 'surely there is a light.'
"'Had Teleny come back?'
"Perhaps he had been seized with the same state of dejection which had come over me when we parted. The anguish visible on my ghastly face must have paralyzed him, and in the state in which he was he could not play, so he had come back. Perhaps, also, the concert had been postponed.
"Perhaps it was thieves?
"But if Teleny——?
"No, the very idea was absurd. How ​could I suspect the man I loved of infidelity. I shrank from such a supposition as from something heinous—from a kind of moral pollution. No, it must be anything else but that. The key of the door downstairs was in my hand, I was already in the house.
"I crept stealthily upstairs, in the dark, thinking of the first night I had accompanied my friend there, thinking how we had stopped to kiss and hug each other at every step.
"But now, without my friend, the darkness was weighing upon me, overpowering, crushing me. I was at last on the landing of the entresol where my friend lived; the whole house was perfectly quiet.
"Before putting in the key, I looked through the hole. Had Teleny, or his servant, left the gas lighted in the antechamber and in one of the rooms?
"Then the remembrance of the broken mirror came into my mind; all kinds of horrible thoughts flitted through my brain. Then, again, in spite of myself, the awful apprehension of having been ​supplanted in Teleny's affection by someone else forced itself upon me.
"'No, it was too ridiculous. Who could this rival be?'
"Like a thief I introduced the key in the lock; the hinges were well oiled, the door yielded noiselessly, and opened. I shut it carefully, without its emitting the slightest sound. I stole in on tiptoe.
"There were thick carpets everywhere that muffled my steps. I went to the room where, a few hours before, I had known such rapturous bliss.
"It was lighted.
"I heard stifled sounds within.
"I knew but too well what those sounds meant. For the first time I felt the shattering pangs of jealousy. It seemed as if a poisoned dagger had all at once been thrust into my heart; as if an enormous hydra had caught my body between its jaws, and had driven its huge fangs through the flesh of my chest.
"Why had I come here? What was I to do now? Where was I to go?
​"I felt as if I were collapsing.
"My hand was already on the door, but before opening it I did what I suppose most people would have done. Trembling from head to foot, sick at heart, I bent down and looked through the key-hole.
"Was I dreaming—was this a dreadful nightmare?
"I stuck my nails deep into my flesh to convince myself of my self-consciousness.
"And yet I could not feel sure that I was alive and awake.
"Life at times loses its sense of reality; it appears to us like a weird, optical illusion—a phantasmagoric bubble that will disappear at the slightest breath.
"I held my breath, and looked.
"This was, then, no illusion—no vision of my over-heated fancy.
"There, on that chair—warm yet with our embraces—two beings were seated.
"But who were they?
"Perhaps Teleny had ceded his apartment to some friend for that night. Perhaps he had ​forgotten to mention the fact to me, or else he had not thought it necessary to do so.
"Yes, surely, it must be so. Teleny could not deceive me.
"I looked again. The light within the room being much brighter than that of the hall, I was able to perceive everything clearly.
"A man whose form I could not see was seated on that chair contrived by Teleny's ingenious mind to enhance sensual bliss. A woman with dark, dishevelled hair, robed in a white satin gown, was sitting astride upon him. Her back was thus turned to the door.
"I strained my eyes to catch every detail, and I saw that she was not really seated but standing on tiptoe, so that, though rather stout, she skipped lightly upon the man's knees.
"Though I could not see, I understood that every time she fell she received within her hole the good-sized pivot on which she seemed so tightly wedged. Moreover, that the pleasure she received thereby was so thrilling that it caused her to rebound like an elastic ball, but only to fall again, and thus engulf within her pulpy, spongy, ​well-moistened lips, the whole of that quivering rod of pleasure down to its hairy root. Whoever she was—grand lady or whore—she was no tyro, but a woman of great experience, to be able to ride that Cytherean race with such consummate skill.
"As I gazed on, I saw that her enjoyment kept getting stronger and ever stronger: it was reaching its paroxysm. From an amble she had gone on quietly to a trot, then to a canter; then, as she rode along, she clasped, with ever-increasing passion, the head of the man on whose knees she was astride. It was clear that the contact of her lover's lips, and the swelling and wriggling of his tool within her, thrilled her to an erotic rage, so she went off in a gallop, thus—
'Leaping higher, higher, higher, With a desperate desire'
to reach the delightful aim of her journey.
"In the meanwhile, the male, whoever he was, after having passed his hands on the massy lobes of her hind-parts, began to pat and press and knead her breasts, adding thus to her pleasure a ​thousand little caresses which almost maddened her.
"I remember now a most curious fact, shewing the way in which our brains work, and how our mind is attracted by slight extraneous objects, even when engrossed by the saddest thoughts. I remember feeling a certain artistic pleasure at the ever-changing effect of light and shadow thrown in different parts of the lady's rich satin gown, as it kept shimmering under the rays of the lamp hanging overhead. I recollect admiring its pearly, silky, metallic tints, now glistening, then glimmering, or fading into a dull lustre.
"Just then, however, the train of her gown had got entangled somewhere round the leg of the chair, so, as this incident impeded her rhythmical and ever quicker movements, enclasping her lover's neck, she managed deftly to cast off her gown, and thus remained stark naked in the man's embrace.
"What a splendid body she had! Juno's in all its majesty could not have been more perfect. I had, however, hardly time to admire her luxuriant beauty, her grace, her strength, the ​splendid symmetry of her outlines, her agility, or her skill, for the race was now reaching its end.
"They were both trembling under the spell of that rapturous titillation which just precedes the overflowing of the spermatic ducts. Evidently the tip of the man's tool was being sucked by the mouth of the vagina, a contraction of all the nerves had ensued; the sheath in which the whole column was enclosed had tightened, and both their bodies were writhing convulsively.
"Surely after such overpowering spasms, prolapsus and inflammation of the womb must ensue, but then what rapture she must give.
"Then I heard mingled sighs and panting, low cooings, gurgling sounds of lust, dying in stifled kisses given by lips that still cleaved languidly to each other; then, as they quivered with the last pangs of pleasure, I quivered in agony, for I was almost sure that that man must be my lover.
"'But who can that hateful woman be?' I asked myself.
"Still the sight of those two naked bodies ​clasped in such a thrilling embrace, those two massy lobes of flesh, as white as newly-fallen snow; the smothered sound of their ecstatic bliss, overcame for a moment my excruciating jealousy, and I got to be excited to such an ungovernable pitch that I could hardly forbear from rushing into that room. My fluttering bird—my nightingale, as they call it in Italy—like Sterne's starling—was trying to escape from its cage; and not only that, but it also lifted up its head in such a way that it seemed to wish to reach the key-hole.
"My fingers were already on the handle of the door. Why should I not burst it and have my share in the feast, though in a humbler way, and like a beggar go in by the back entrance?
"Why not, indeed!
"Just then, the lady whose arms were still tightly clasped round the man's neck, said,—
"'Bon Dieu! how good it is! I have not felt such intensity of rapture for a long time.'
"For an instant I was stunned. My fingers relinquished the handle of the door, my arm fell, even my bird drooped down lifeless.
"What a voice!
​"'But I know that voice,' I said to myself. 'Its sound is most familar to me. Only the blood which is reaching up to my head and tingling in my ears prevents me from understanding whose voice it is.'
"Whilst in my amazement I had lifted up my head, she had got up and turned round. Standing as she was now, and nearer the door, my eyes could not reach her face, still I could see her naked body—from the shoulders downwards. It was a marvellous figure, the finest one I had ever seen. A woman's torso in the height of its beauty.
"Her skin was of a dazzling whiteness, and could vie in smoothness as well as in pearly lustre with the satin of the gown she had cast off. Her breasts—perhaps a little too big to be æsthetically beautiful—seemed to belong to one of those voluptuous Venetian courtezans painted by Titian; they stood out plump and hard as if swollen with milk; the protruding nipples, like two dainty pink buds, were surrounded by a brownish halo which looked like the silky fringe of the passion flower.
​"The powerful line of the hips shewed to advantage the beauty of the legs. Her stomach—so perfectly round and smooth—was half covered with a magnificent fur, as black and as glossy as a beaver's, and yet I could see that she had been a mother, for it was moiré like watered silk. From the yawning, humid lips pearly drops were slowly trickling down.
"Though not exactly in early youth, she was no less desirable for all that. Her beauty had all the gorgeousness of the full-blown rose, and the pleasure she evidently could give was that of the incarnadined flower in its fragrant bloom; that bliss which makes the bee which sucks its honey swoon in its bosom with delight. That aphrodisiacal body, as I could see, was made for, and surely had afforded pleasure to, more than one man, inasmuch as she had evidently been formed by nature to be one of Venus' Votaresses.
"After thus exhibiting her wonderful beauty to my dazed eyes, she stepped aside and I could see the partner of her dalliance. Though his face was covered with his hands, it was Teleny. ​There was no mistake about it.
"First his god-like figure, then his phallus, which I knew so well, then—I almost fainted as my eyes fell upon it—on his fingers glittered the ring I had given him.
"She spoke again.
"He drew his hands from off his face.
"It was he! It was Teleny—my friend—my lover—my life!
"How can I describe what I felt? It seemed to me as if I was breathing fire; as if a rain of glowing ashes was being poured down upon me.
"The door was locked. I caught its handle, and shook it as a mighty whirlwind shakes the sails of some large frigate, and then tears them to shreds. I burst it open.
"I staggered on the sill. The floor seemed to be giving way under my feet; everything was spinning around me; I was in the very midst of a mighty whirlpool. I caught myself by the door-posts not to fall, for there, to my inexpressible horror, I found myself face to face with—my own mother!
"There was a threefold cry of shame, of ​terror, of despair—a piercing, shrill cry that rang through the still night air, awakening all the inmates of that quiet house from their peaceful slumbers."
"And you—what did you do?"
"What did I do? I really don't know. I must have said something—I must have done something, but I have not the slightest recollection of what it was. Then I stumbled downstairs in the dark. It was like going down, down into a deep well. I only remember running through the gloomy streets—running like a madman, whither I knew not.
"I felt cursed like Cain, or like the Eternal Wanderer, so I ran on at random.
"I had fled from them, would that I had been able to flee from myself likewise.
"All at once, at the corner of the street, I ran against someone. We both recoiled from each other. I, aghast and terror-stricken; he, simply astonished."
"And whom did you meet?"
"My own image. A man exactly like myself—my Döppelgänger, in fact. He stared at me ​for an instant, and then passed on. I, instead, ran with whatever strength was left in me.
"My head was reeling, my strength was breaking down, I stumbled several times, still I ran on.
"Was I mad?
"All at once, panting, breathless, bruised in body and in mind, I found myself standing on the bridge—nay, on the very same spot on which I had stood some months before.
"I uttered a harsh, jarring laugh that frightened me. So it had come to this, after all.
"I cast a hurried glance around me. A dark shadow loomed in the distance. Was it my other self?
"Trembling, shuddering, maddened, without a moment's thought, I climbed on the parapet and plunged head foremost into the foaming flood beneath.
"I was again in the very midst of a whirlpool, I heard the noise of rushing waters in my ears; darkness was pressing closely round me, a world of thoughts flitted through my brain ​with astonishing rapidity, and then, for some time, nothing more.
"Only I vaguely remember opening my eyes, and seeing as in a looking-glass my own ghastly face staring at me.
"A blank came over me again. When at last I recovered my senses I found myself in the Morgue—that dreadful charnel-house, the Morgue! They had believed me dead, and had carried me thither.
"I looked around me, I saw nothing but unknown faces. My other self was nowhere to be seen."
"But did he really exist?"
"He did."
"And who was he?"
"A man of my own age, and so exactly like myself that we might have been taken for twin brothers."
"And he had saved your life?"
"Yes; it appears that on meeting me, he was not only struck with the strong likeness that existed between us, but also by the wildness of my appearance, therefore he was prompted to ​follow me. Having seen me throw myself into the water, he ran after me and managed to get me out."
"And did you see him again?"
"I did, poor fellow! But that is another strange incident of my too-eventful life. Perhaps I'll tell it you some other time."
"Then from the Morgue?"
"I begged to be transported to some neighbouring hospital, where I could have a private room all to myself, where I should see nobody, where nobody would see me; for I felt ill—very ill.
"As I was about to enter the carriage and go off from the charnel-house, a shrouded corpse was borne thither. They said it was a young man who had just committed suicide.
"I shuddered with fear, a terrible suspicion came into my mind. I begged the doctor who was with me to bid the coachman stop. I must see that corpse. It must be Teleny. The physician did not heed me, and the cab drove on.
"On reaching the hospital, my attendant ​seeing my state of mind sent to enquire who the dead man was. The name they mentioned was unknown to me.
"Three days passed. When I say three days, I mean a weary, endless space of time. The opiates the doctor had given me had put me to sleep, and had even stopped the horrible quivering of my nerves. But what opiate can cure a crushed heart?
"At the end of those three days my manager had found me out, and came to see me. He seemed terrified with my appearance.
"Poor fellow! he was at a loss what to say. He avoided anything that might jar upon my nerves, so he spoke about business. I listened for a while, though his words had no meaning for me, then I managed to find out from him that my mother had left town, and that she had already written to him from Geneva, where she was at present staying. He did not mention Teleny's name and I myself durst not utter it.
"He offered me a room in his house, but I refused, and drove home with him. Now that my mother had gone I was obliged to go ​there—at least for a few days.
"No one had called during my absence; there was no letter or message left for me, so that I too could say,—
"'My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me.'
"'They that dwell in mine house, and my maids, count me for a stranger: I am an alien in their sight.'
"Like Job I felt now that—
"'All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.'
"'Yea, young children despised me.'
"Still I was anxious to know something about Teleny, for terrors made me afraid on every side. Had he gone off with my mother, and not left the slightest message for me?
"Still, what was he to write?
"If he had remained in town, had I not told him that, whatever his fault might be, I should always forgive him if he sent me back the ring."
"And had he sent it back, could you have pardoned him?"
​"I loved him.
"I could not hear this state of things any longer. Truth, however painful, was preferable to this dreadful suspense.
"I called on Briancourt. I found his studio shut. I went to his house. He had not been at home for two days. The servants did not know where he was. They thought that he had, perhaps, gone to his father's in Italy.
"Disconsolate, I roamed about the streets, and soon I found myself again before Teleny's house. The door downstairs was still open. I stole by the porter's lodge, frightened lest I might be stopped and told that my friend was not at home. No one, however, noticed me. I crept upstairs, shivering, nerveless, sick. I put the key in the lock, the door yielded noiselessly as it had done a few nights before. I went in.
"Then I asked myself what I was to do next, and I almost turned on my heels and ran off.
"As I stood there wavering, I thought I heard a faint moan.
​"I listened. All was quiet.
"No, there was a groan—a low, dying wail.
"It seemed to proceed from the white room.
"I shuddered with horror.
"I rushed in.
"The recollection of what I saw freezes the very marrow in my bones.
"'Even when I remember I am afraid, and trembling taketh hold of my flesh.'
"I saw a pool of coagulated blood on the dazzling-white, fur carpet, and Teleny, half-stretched, half-fallen, on the bearskin-covered couch. A small dagger was plunged in his breast, and the blood continued to trickle out of the wound.
"I threw myself upon him; he was not quite dead; he groaned; he opened his eyes.
"Overwhelmed by grief, distracted by terror, I lost all presence of mind. I let go his head, and clasped my throbbing temples between my palms, trying to collect my thoughts and to dominate myself so as to help my friend.
"Should I pluck the knife from the wound? No, it might be fatal.
​"Oh, if I had a slight knowledge of surgery! But having none, the only thing I could do was to call for help.
"I ran on the landing; I screamed out with all my might,—
"'Help, help! Fire, fire! Help!'
"On the stairs my voice sounded like thunder.
"The porter was out of his lodge in an instant.
"I heard doors and windows opening. I again screamed out, 'Help!' and then, snatching up a bottle of cognac from the dining-room sideboard, I hurried back to my friend.
"I moistened his lips; I poured a few spoonfuls of brandy, drop by drop, down his mouth.
"Teleny opened his eyes again. They were veiled and almost dead; only that mournful look he always had, had increased to such an intensity that his pupils were as gloomy as a yawning grave; they thrilled me with an unutterable anguish. I could hardly stand that pitiful, stony look; I felt my nerves stiffen; my breath stopped; I burst out into a convulsive sobbing.
​"'Oh, Teleny! why did you kill yourself?' I moaned. 'Could you have doubted my forgiveness, my love?'
"He evidently heard me, and tried to speak, but I could not catch the slightest sound.
"'No, you must not die, I cannot part with you, you are my very life.'
"I felt my fingers pressed slightly, imperceptibly.
"The porter now made his appearance, but he stopped on the threshold frightened, terrified.
"'A doctor—for mercy's sake, a doctor! Take a carriage—run!' I said, imploringly.
"Other people began to come in. I waved them back.
"'Shut the door. Let no one else enter, but for God's sake fetch a doctor before it is too late!'
"The people, aghast, stood at a distance, staring at the dreadful sight.
"Teleny again moved his lips.
"'Hush! silence!' I whispered, sternly. 'He speaks!'
"I felt racked at not being able to understand ​a single word of what he wanted to say. After several fruitless attempts I managed to make out,—
"'Forgive!'
"'If I forgive you, my angel? But I not only forgive you, I'd give my life for you!'
"The dreary expression of his eyes had deepened, still, grievous as they were, a happier look was to be seen in them. Little by little the heartfelt sadness teemed with ineffable sweetness. I could hardly bear his glances any longer; they were torturing me. Their burning fire sank far into my soul.
"Then he again uttered a whole phrase, the only two words of which I guessed rather than heard were—
"'Briancourt—letter.'
"After that his waning strength began to forsake him quite.
"As I looked at him I saw that his eyes were getting clouded, a faint film came over them, he did not seem to see me any more. Yes, they were getting ever more glazed and glassy.
"He did not attempt to speak, his lips were ​tightly shut. Still, after a few moments, he opened his mouth spasmodically; he gasped. He uttered a low, choking, raucous sound.
"It was his last breath. Death's awful rattle.
"The room was hushed.
"I saw the people cross themselves. Some women knelt, and began to mumble prayers.
"A horrible light dawned upon me.
"What! He is dead, then?
"His head fell lifeless on my chest.
"I uttered a shrill cry. I called for help.
"A doctor had come at last.
"'He is beyond help,' the doctor said; 'he is dead.'
"What! My Teleny dead?
"I looked around at the people. Aghast, they seemed to shrink from me. The room began to spin round. I knew nothing more. I had fainted.
"I only came back to my senses after some weeks. A certain dulness had come over me, and the
'Earth seemed a desert I was bound to traverse.'
​Still the idea of self-murder never returned to my mind. Death did not seem to want me.
"In the meanwhile, my story, in veiled words, had appeared in every newspaper. It was too dainty a bit of gossip not to spread about at once like wild fire.
"Even the letter Teleny had written to me before his suicide—stating that his debts, which had been paid by my mother, had been the cause of his infidelity—had got to be public property.
"Then, Heaven having revealed my iniquity, the earth rose against me; for if Society does not ask you to be intrinsically good, it asks you to make a goodly show of morality, and, above all, to avoid scandals. Therefore a famous clergyman—a saintly man—preached at that time an edifying sermon, which began with the following text:—
"'His remembrance shall perish from the the earth, and he shall have no name in the street.'
"And he ended it, saying,—
"'He shall be driven from light into darkness, and chased out of the world.'
​"Whereupon all Teleny's friends, the Zophars, the Eliphazes, and the Bildads uttered a loud Amen!"
"And Briancourt and your mother?"
"Oh, I promised to tell you her adventures! I may do so some other time. They are well worth hearing."
End of Volume II