# New proverbs, on the pride of women, or, The vanity of this world displayed

THE
NEW PROVERBS,
ON
The Pride of Women;
OR THE
Vanity of this world diſplayed.
PARTS FIRST AND SECOND.
To which is added,
An excellent Receipt to all young men who what Wives, how to wale them by the mouth as Mungo did his Mare. Alſo a deſcription of the vain Girls who wear the Crazy Janes, which hang over the back of their heads like a Chimney-ſweeper's night-cap, or a bibly Jock's ſnout, with their humphy backed gowns.
Entered according to Order, 1799
the
New PROVERBS on the PRIDE of WOMEN
PART. 1.
A Woman who has haughty looks, is under the infection of a plague, even pride. She is ignorant of herſelf, and thinks as much as ſhe is her own maker always deſpiſing her fellow creatures, as if ſhe ⟨was⟩ not of the ſeed of Adam.
2. Her eyes being always bent upwards, ⟨towards⟩the ſkies, in my opinion, ſuch women come from ⟨the⟩ world of the moon, and look backwards toward their native country.
3. She who is patron full of pride, is empty ⟨of⟩virtue. O how wiſe in her own eyes is ſhe! ⟨eloquent⟩ in ſpeech, expert in law without experience.
4 He that joins with ſuch a woman, binds ⟨himſelf⟩to be a galley ſlave all the days of his life; he ⟨muft⟩ fight againſt wind and waves, and tow her to ⟨her⟩ grave's mouth, if ſhe ſink not; for ſhe cannot be ſo(illegible text)
5. Woe's me! for many women are weighed ⟨down⟩ with folly lifted up with vanity, and deeply ⟨wounded⟩ being ſo in love with themſelves, that their ⟨heads⟩ pine away with hatred and ſorrow, becauſe ⟨their⟩ neighbours are exalted above them.
6. This is a ſore evil which cleaveth to the daughtters of Eve, handed down from mother to daughter from one generation to another.
7. No ſooner have they got judgment to ⟨diſcern⟩ between the right hand and the left, but they ⟨are⟩ carried away to be taught by Madam Vanity, daughter of Lucifer, who brings them into the (illegible text)lege of Contradiction, which stands in the town ⟨of⟩Contention:
8. Here they are catechifed in all the parts of beings, ſuch as painting of the face, and plaiting ⟨of⟩ hair, and fixing theſe high crowned caps (illegible text) head-dreſſes, piled on their heads like (illegible text) ​for a quoil of hay, and even kilting their petticoats to the rump:
9. Come all ye dumb brutes, cats, dogs, and other creatures and behold a fooliſh people, walking on earth, as if they were not of the earth, decking their bodies with brats, and their bellies with beef, and yet you in rough ſkins, ſeem as comely in your kinds, and more obedient to your Maker and maſter than they.
10 Come, come ye lilies of the field, and roſes of he garden, and behold how queens, princeſſes, and Counteſſes, are counterfeited by poor clipfarts of vanity, going to church with the robes of unrighteouſneſs round the rumple; with a diſplayed banner of painted hypocriſy in their right hand, to guard their faces from the ſun. O but the lilies outshine the laſſes for beauty: the roſes rejoice and affront them, while they, like howlets, hide their faces from the beams of the ſun as if their faces were fiſh, and their hides hind's tongues; they abhor the bright beams thereof as a cat does muſtard.
11. Many of theſe women are more dangerous than the mouths of devouring cannons; though they appear as angels in the church, they are as ſerpents in the ſheets, and as Beelzebub above the blankets: Woe's the man, that marries ſuch a woman, he had better be wedded to his ſtaff, and go to bed with the beetle in his boſom.
CHAP. II.
HE who gets a ſcolding wife, and a mortifying goodmother, had far better be buried alive; for the one will cry him deaf, and the other will waſte his money and his meat? fill his belly with wind, and his heart with ſorrow, till with hunger and anger he will die a double death every day.
2. He that marries a gentle wife without a weighty purſe of gold, or as good a portion, binds himſelf to be his lady's page, his own fervant, captain Clout's coachman, and Mr. Poverty's poſtilion, all the days of his life.
​3 The care of ſuch a woman is to clothe ⟨her⟩ antiquity; if her huſband would go naked, ſhe labour with her tongue, not with her hands, deſcribing ⟨the⟩ genealogy of her forefathers, the gentleneſs of her blood, and of her huſband's deſcent, who never came to honour and poverty till he came to her.
4. He that weds for money is a miſer, and he for beauty a fool; but he that for virtue and the other two is wiſer than the weaver who took a wife and would have nothing becauſe he had nothing of his own.
5. And the reaſon was, becauſe his wif might ſay I have made thee rich with my tocher, when thou had nothing at all,
6. He that marries a widow for her pelf, had beter marry a whore, if ſhe be handſome and wholſome; for the widow will be upbraiding him with the wealth and pleaſure ſhe had with her former husband, who is always the beſt, becauſe he is gone.
7. Whereas the whore will be aſhamed to ſpeak of her former pleaſures, becauſe they were ſtolen, ſmuggled and unlawful; but rather ſhe will rejoice, love, and eſteem thee, when ſhe enjoys the ſame without fear, ſcandal, ſhame or reproach.
8. He that marries a widow, let it be with one who had a huſband that gave her blows on every fide for her breakfaſt, and was hanged for ſtealing that ſhe may have to ſay ſhe had got the beſt huſband to her left. And if thou do not ſo, thou art a poor wretch, I'll warrant you.
CHAP. II.
IT is moſt natural for every ſex to have a deſire towards its fellows, and without the company of each other they have no mutual happineſs.
2. Is it not reaſonable for thee, O man! who are reſolved to join thyſelf to a wife, that thou join thy houſe together firſt by a mathematical order, with couples and cumſoiling above, and pleniſh it below. ​Go to the birds, and be not blindfolded, who build their neſt, lay their eggs before they hatch their young. Be not ſo fooliſh, as to have a child, before you have a wiſe, nor a wife before you have a houſe to hold her in.
4 Stuff thy houſe with all manner of furniture neceſſary for the family, marry thy wife in the pudding month, and thou ſhall have warmneſs all the winter.
5. Beware of running too faſt, leſt you come to fall, for the fair ſex have ſhort heels, and often fall backwards when hearing of the voice of wedlock, ſwooning away, for the joy of a relief long looked for; behold them not when they turn up their ten toes, leſt thou fail into the trap from whence there is no returning without committing great wickedneſs
6. But when thou goeſt to looſe a wiſe, wale her by the mouth as Mungo did his mare; for by her words you may know whether ſhe be a wiſe woman or a fool.
7. If ſhe be poor, proud, and prideful, turn the back of your hand to her, and your face to another for ſhe is the worſt pennyworth ever came into a poor man's pack ſheet, yea happy is he that goes home with the toom halter without her.
8 But if you chance to admire the charms of one who is black and lovely, decent and sweet, honeſt and virtuous, tho' never ſo poor; cleave thou unto her by all means, for ſuch a woman will hold thee as her head and huſband, then ſhalt thou reign as a king over thine own houſe, and all thy family shall be ſubject unto thee.
9 For if thou marry one who thinks herſelf wiſer than myſelf, ſhe will uſurp your authority, countermand thy orders, and hold thee more like her monkey han her huſband or maſter.
10 Keep not private company with a woman that is great ſinger, nor a girl who is game keek, for the rolling of the eye and the ſweetneſs of the voice encourage men to commit wickedneſs.
11. Take not a wife that is tear minded for ſuch ​commonly is unchaſte diſpoſed ſoon angry, and as ſoonpleaſed, eaſily perſuaded to do any thing; and when tempted will not ſtand to hornify your head; for ſuch are live houſe's children.
12 Neither do ye encounter with one who is tall, for ſuch long people, when they fall, are too heavy to riſe. But the beſt way under the ſun is to marry and ſo continue. Look back to derty maidens, and give then the ſcornful catalogue as follows:
13 О ye haughty maids, mock my proverbs, and I'll mock your pride. Sigh for a man when it is too late, and ſend for him when he will not come. Your ſong in youth is, "I'm o'er young to marry yet," until the wrinkles riſe on your face like the back of a ram horn, and have but one tooth, bound in with a rag! Then make a chanter of your thumbs, and a droner of four fingers, and play,
Fain would I marry a man juſt now, I've loſt my time and my lover too.
14. And here I ſhall be ſilent for a ſhort time, then shall I vex Vanity once more. Let one ſay I am a rattle skull, another, he is jumbled in his judgment or diſturbed in his ſtudies; ſo I make an end, leſt alſo, they ſay I am become a preacher and every trade is encroaching upon another. Now he that wonders at my folly. I will wonder at his wiſdom, and then are we even one with another.
The End of the First Part.
PART. II.
COME O men and miniſters, and behold madmen and fooliſh women, ruſhing into the bonds of wedlock, as the horſe doth into the battle.
2. No, no, no holding back, but John Slothe and Maggy Idle muſt be married, even becauſe they have no means but meanneſs, no teacher but luſt, no w(illegible text) but wickedneſs; no wealth but wanton folly, and poor pride is all their poſſeſſion, antiquity only excepted.
​3. For he is the honourable laird of Sluggard-field's ſon, and is the daughter of Slipmylabour.
4. Behold he goth with his garters unbound, his boſom bare, holding up his breeches with his hands.
5. Up gets Maggy in the morning againſt the hour of nine, whether it be day-light or not, but not without the power of a pearler, for the covers herſelf with her peticoat, and runs to the dung hill as a ſoldier to his arms, when alarmed by the drum.
6. This is the character of two, which may be multiplied into million, two by two that fall into miſery by matrimony, and are deadly wounded by the plague of poverty, for want of a virtuous proceeding in themſelves.
7 Their great care is, once to be firmly married, and then all their cares are drowned in the ſleep of luſt, and when they awake, the flame of calf-love: is quite out, then they look up, when their eyes are opened, and feeing them ſhocked with worldly cares, almoſt naked, and next to nothing.
8. Now they muſt work or want, their belly wages war againſt them; their back and beds must be cloathed; their children alſo come upon them thick, thick if not threefold.
9. Then fays the huſband, What have I done? I work hard all the day to my ſelf, and get no wages; my belly is never filled with bread, but my heart is almost like to break with ſorrow!
10. O had I been ſtill the ſervant of another man then had I got my daily bread and yearly wages, but now I have loſt good bread and great pleaſure, and O but her beef be a weighty burden to me.
11. Let never a man wale his wife at the kirk door, nor pick up a painted image in the market; as I have done to my deadly danger.
12 Her fine buiks are turned into miſerable brats; instead of painting on her face, a ſlough of dung which is the ſign of a ſapleſs carecaſe, occaſioned by the ſcarcity of ſcones, and a ſcantinefs of pottage.
12. O miserable madneſs and wicked alteration ​occaſioned thro' fond love, and forward kindneſs.
14. What can be worſe in a houſe, than a horned goodwife, and a hummil goodman a ſinged cat, and burnt dog, having nothing elſe but diſpeace and a poet's portion, which is perfect poverty.
15. Here the goodwife's tongue is a law, and the tongs the ſceptre of her ſupremacy, the children hunt their father as a cur doth a cow is a kail yard. The wife whiſpers him a cuckold, and all the children may ſay amen, our mother's a whore.
10 This is the ſweeteſt of all muſic in the ears of Old Nick, when the goodwife's paſſion breaks out like a flame again her huſband, and he with vicious blows, in hot rage, gives her a double downcom which is commonly called next to murder, if not ſo.
17. Now are the flames of fleſhy love quenched, and their charity towards each other become as cold as clay; their former love is ſmothered to death in the ſmoke of their wrath, and pride is become their torment and ruin.
FINIS
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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