# Quackery Unmasked/Chapter XXVII

CHAPTER XXVII.
NOSTRUM RECOMMENDATIONS.
The public are egregiously imposed upon by certificates of cures, and other recommendations of nostrums, which they see in print. There are a multitude of ways which the ingenuity of dishonest men have devised for this purpose, and they are so universally untrue that every such recommendation should be regarded as a falsehood, without respect to the appended signature; because no one who ought to be believed, will ever set his name to any such recommendation, unless he is himself deceived. The proprietor of a nostrum may have some relatives, or other persons, who are in some way interested in his success, and who are therefore willing to lend a helping hand in order thereby to benefit themselves. Or he may have presented certain individuals with samples for their trial and use, free of cost; and as some of those thus supplied may ​have felt better after using the articles, and have been silly enough to suppose the medicine cured them, they may feel very grateful for the supposed disinterested favor, and be willing to sign any paper that the nostrum-maker or his agent may present.
Consumptive persons, always deluded by false hopes, are ever prone to suppose that they are benefited by any new medicine, and often think that they are nearly or quite cured by some new article. They are still, they say, a little weak, but the main disease is, they think, wholly eradicated. Always extremely grateful, such patients are anxious that the whole world should be benefited by the same means. But, alas! the ink is scarcely dry upon their signatures, before their own history shows the falsity of their certificates. The disease, of which they imagined themselves cured, has hastened to its fatal termination, and the signer of the certificate rests quietly beneath the sod, unable to contradict it. Yet the certificates themselves are not consigned, as they should be, to the graves of their authors, but are preserved and printed, and made to travel the ​rounds of newspapers, almanacs and handbills, far from home, long after the remains of their authors have mingled with the dust.
The advertisers of such nostrums often assure the public that their articles are used and recommended by regular physicians. This is never true to any extent, and should never be in a single instance. Sometimes the names of physicians are affixed to recommendations of some kind, and ignominiously paraded before the public in that condition; sometimes the wretches have had the culpable audacity to make use of such names as Mott, Bache, or Warren, without any authority; and sometimes ignorant or weak-minded practitioners have been silly enough to lend their names for such unhallowed exhibitions. But the public ought to know that, in these times, no physician who does not deserve a mad-house ever allows such use of his name.
But there is a shorter and easier way of getting up certificates of remarkable cures. It is this:—the proprietor represents just such a case as he chooses; he then appends the certificates of cure, and affixes such names as his fancy may ​suggest, and the public are referred to Mr. A., or Mrs. B., or C, or D., in New York, Baltimore, or New Orleans. Nobody ever takes the trouble to look up the persons whose testimony is thus given to the public; and if they were sought for, they could never be found, for they never existed.
The most rascally of nostrum-makers often talk loudly against quackery, and very earnestly caution the public against counterfeits of their own preparations. I shall by no means undertake to expose all the tricks made use of by this class of men, for they are legions; but there is one more that I will mention, which may not be generally thought of. A puff is manufactured, and the publisher of some paper is paid for inserting it as an editorial article. The publishers of other papers, being paid for it, copy the article into their papers; and by these means such falsehoods are circulated in disguise, all over the country. Surely "man is a gullible animal"—the bait that a grey rat would reject, is swallowed by grey-headed men. And whilst all their nefarious schemes are going on, the authors ​and managers of the farce sit complaisantly behind the curtain, filling their pockets—not with coppers, but—with sovereigns.
Non-professional men appear to suppose, that, for each disease incident to humanity, nature has provided a special remedy, and that all the secret of medicine consists in the proper selection of that article. This notion prevailed in the earliest times, when superstitious rites were the only remedies employed; and at the present time it is an empirical hypothesis, upon which most nostrums are predicated. This is an obvious error. No disease, of any considerable duration, is found to consist of a single stage only, but most diseases in their course pass through several stages, by which the condition of the patient is essentially changed; so that such agents as might be most beneficial in one stage, would be useless or even injurious in another. Rational medicine endeavors to adapt the treatment to the condition and requirements of the patient in every stage of his disease, always selecting some of the most suitable remedies for each symptom and condition; and no skilful practitioner ever ​thinks of treating all diseases by specifics, any more than a skilful mechanic would think of building a house or constructing a machine with a single tool. The treatment which is proper in the beginning of a disease, is often quite improper in its progress or towards its close; and a remedy that might be very proper in a certain stage of a certain disease in one individual, is often quite improper in the same stage of the same disease in another in different circumstances. A skilful mariner never thinks of making a voyage by any positive directions given before hand; but he watches the ocean and the elements—is continually taking his observations, his soundings, and his reckonings, and endeavors always to adapt his measures to existing circumstances. In like manner, the skilful physician carefully watches his patient, takes account of all his symptoms, considers the nature and tendency of his disease, and the circumstances which attend him, and, after a full computation of all these, endeavors to adapt his measures to the exigency of the case. Every case of indisposition, however plain and simple it may appear to ​bystanders, is nevertheless to some extent complicated; it has its peculiar symptoms and conditions, and it is not until collecting, comparing and considering all these, that the best physician is able to determine upon the means most proper to be employed.
Besides, it is often very difficult, if not impossible, to determine the true character of a disease by its early symptoms; so that much skill and experience are often required to make a correct diagnosis. But when the case is fully made out, no good physician thinks of treating it with one or more specifics. Such remedies are improper for physicians, and always dangerous in the hands of the common people, as many sad examples prove. The mother thinks her child has worms, because a neighboring matron has made such a positive diagnosis. Although she is not aware that the child is in the least indisposed, yet she thinks it must be cured of the worms immediately. She procures a bottle of vermifuge, and commences the process. She repeats and continues to repeat the dose, but no worms appear. Being determined to ​accomplish her object, the mother continues to administer the vermifuge which the accompanying directions inform her never fails, until the child is almost dead. At last a physician is called, and the mother is fortunate if her child is rescued from death and herself saved from the crime of infanticide.
Take another case. A child has taken cold and has a slight catarrh. The mother is awakened in the night by his coughing;—she is instantly terrified with the thought of croup, and as soon as possible proceeds to administer croup syrup. She gives one dose according to the directions. The child is no better. She repeats the dose, and the child grows worse. She continues the medication, until, before morning, the child sinks under the influence of lobelia, antimony, or some other poison, and expires. Now if this good mother had given her child a cup of water, or called some prudent physician, her child might have been well in the morning.
These are no mere fancy sketches, but true reports of cases which have often occurred; and every thoughtful mother should know that all ​printed recommendations of nostrums are falsehoods, and that every such article is more or less dangerous, is always liable to do more harm than good, and should ever be shunned as some deadly Upas.
The American people are great lovers of nostrums. They devour whatever in that line is new, with insatiable voracity. Staid Englishmen look on in astonishment. They call us pill-eaters and syrup-drinkers, and wonder at our fickleness and easy credulity; so that we have almost become a laughing-stock in the eyes of the world. Medicine mongers are continually catering for the public taste, and as soon as one dish becomes a little stale, the table is bountifully supplied with new varieties in the greatest profusion. Brandreth could never have succeeded in his own country; but he saw that the people of the United States, like young birds in their nest, were holding their mouths wide open for something new. He embraced the opportunity, and presented himself here, ready to supply their cravings. He announced to the people of the United States that he had made the great ​discovery that there is but one disease, viz., impurity of blood, and only one sure remedy, viz., Brandreth's pills. He soon found that he had made no mistake in calculating upon the credulity of our people. The plan succeeded beyond his most sanguine expectations—the demand for his pills increased so rapidly, that in a short time he found it necessary to resort to steam power to supply it. Like a majestic stream collected from a thousand rivulets, wealth flowed in upon him in measureless abundance, and made him in a brief period a wealthy baron. The pill mania has now nearly passed, but the great tragedian still hoards the immense proceeds of the mighty farce.
But where are the millions who fed upon this ambrosia? Of those who have been thereby hastened to their dread account, we will say nothing; but thousands may still be found who rue the day when unnecessarily and incautiously they first swallowed the mischievous article, by which they have entailed upon themselves perpetual constipation.