# The History of the Adventures of Joseph Andrews and his Friend, Mr. Abraham Abrams/Book I, Chapter VI

CHAPTER VI.
_How Joseph Andrews writ a letter to his sister Pamela._
"To MRS PAMELA ANDREWS, LIVING WITH SQUIRE BOOBY.
"DEAR SISTER,--Since I received your letter of your good lady's death,
we have had a misfortune of the same kind in our family. My worthy
master Sir Thomas died about four days ago; and, what is worse, my poor
lady is certainly gone distracted. None of the servants expected her to
take it so to heart, because they quarrelled almost every day of their
lives: but no more of that, because you know, Pamela, I never loved to
tell the secrets of my master's family; but to be sure you must have
known they never loved one another; and I have heard her ladyship wish
his honour dead above a thousand times; but nobody knows what it is to
lose a friend till they have lost him.
"Don't tell anybody what I write, because I should not care to have
folks say I discover what passes in our family; but if it had not been
so great a lady, I should have thought she had had a mind to me. Dear
Pamela, don't tell anybody; but she ordered me to sit down by her
bedside, when she was in naked bed; and she held my hand, and talked
exactly as a lady does to her sweetheart in a stage-play, which I have
seen in Covent Garden, while she wanted him to be no better than he
should be.
"If madam be mad, I shall not care for staying long in the family; so I
heartily wish you could get me a place, either at the squire's, or some
other neighbouring gentleman's, unless it be true that you are going to
be married to parson Williams, as folks talk, and then I should be very
willing to be his clerk; for which you know I am qualified, being able
to read and to set a psalm.
"I fancy I shall be discharged very soon; and the moment I am, unless I
hear from you, I shall return to my old master's country-seat, if it be
only to see parson Adams, who is the best man in the world. London is a
bad place, and there is so little good fellowship, that the next-door
neighbours don't know one another. Pray give my service to all friends
that inquire for me. So I rest
"Your loving brother,
"JOSEPH ANDREWS."
As soon as Joseph had sealed and directed this letter he walked
downstairs, where he met Mrs. Slipslop, with whom we shall take this
opportunity to bring the reader a little better acquainted. She was a
maiden gentlewoman of about forty-five years of age, who, having made a
small slip in her youth, had continued a good maid ever since. She was
not at this time remarkably handsome; being very short, and rather too
corpulent in body, and somewhat red, with the addition of pimples in the
face. Her nose was likewise rather too large, and her eyes too little;
nor did she resemble a cow so much in her breath as in two brown globes
which she carried before her; one of her legs was also a little shorter
than the other, which occasioned her to limp as she walked. This fair
creature had long cast the eyes of affection on Joseph, in which she had
not met with quite so good success as she probably wished, though,
besides the allurements of her native charms, she had given him tea,
sweetmeats, wine, and many other delicacies, of which, by keeping the
keys, she had the absolute command. Joseph, however, had not returned
the least gratitude to all these favours, not even so much as a kiss;
though I would not insinuate she was so easily to be satisfied; for
surely then he would have been highly blameable. The truth is, she was
arrived at an age when she thought she might indulge herself in any
liberties with a man, without the danger of bringing a third person into
the world to betray them. She imagined that by so long a self-denial she
had not only made amends for the small slip of her youth above hinted
at, but had likewise laid up a quantity of merit to excuse any future
failings. In a word, she resolved to give a loose to her amorous
inclinations, and to pay off the debt of pleasure which she found she
owed herself, as fast as possible.
With these charms of person, and in this disposition of mind, she
encountered poor Joseph at the bottom of the stairs, and asked him if he
would drink a glass of something good this morning. Joseph, whose
spirits were not a little cast down, very readily and thankfully
accepted the offer; and together they went into a closet, where, having
delivered him a full glass of ratafia, and desired him to sit down, Mrs.
Slipslop thus began:--
"Sure nothing can be a more simple contract in a woman than to place her
affections on a boy. If I had ever thought it would have been my fate, I
should have wished to die a thousand deaths rather than live to see that
day. If we like a man, the lightest hint sophisticates. Whereas a boy
proposes upon us to break through all the regulations of modesty, before
we can make any oppression upon him." Joseph, who did not understand a
word she said, answered, "Yes, madam."--"Yes, madam!" replied Mrs.
Slipslop with some warmth, "Do you intend to result my passion? Is it
not enough, ungrateful as you are, to make no return to all the favours
I have done you; but you must treat me with ironing? Barbarous monster!
how have I deserved that my passion should be resulted and treated with
ironing?" "Madam," answered Joseph, "I don't understand your hard words;
but I am certain you have no occasion to call me ungrateful, for, so far
from intending you any wrong, I have always loved you as well as if you
had been my own mother." "How, sirrah!" says Mrs. Slipslop in a rage;
"your own mother? Do you assinuate that I am old enough to be your
mother? I don't know what a stripling may think, but I believe a man
would refer me to any green-sickness silly girl whatsomdever: but I
ought to despise you rather than be angry with you, for referring the
conversation of girls to that of a woman of sense."--"Madam," says
Joseph, "I am sure I have always valued the honour you did me by your
conversation, for I know you are a woman of learning."--"Yes, but,
Joseph," said she, a little softened by the compliment to her learning,
"if you had a value for me, you certainly would have found some method
of showing it me; for I am convicted you must see the value I have for
you. Yes, Joseph, my eyes, whether I would or no, must have declared a
passion I cannot conquer.--Oh! Joseph!"
As when a hungry tigress, who long has traversed the woods in fruitless
search, sees within the reach of her claws a lamb, she prepares to leap
on her prey; or as a voracious pike, of immense size, surveys through
the liquid element a roach or gudgeon, which cannot escape her jaws,
opens them wide to swallow the little fish; so did Mrs. Slipslop prepare
to lay her violent amorous hands on the poor Joseph, when luckily her
mistress's bell rung, and delivered the intended martyr from her
clutches. She was obliged to leave him abruptly, and to defer the
execution of her purpose till some other time. We shall therefore return
to the Lady Booby, and give our reader some account of her behaviour,
after she was left by Joseph in a temper of mind not greatly different
from that of the inflamed Slipslop.