# Rosemary and Pansies/Epigrams from the French

EPIGRAMS TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH
TO A BORE
You say that when you come to me
You quite forget your dull ennui;
But tell me, Tomkins, is it fair
To leave me your ennui to bear?
REASON AND LOVE INCOMPATIBLE
To excuse your folly, friend, you need not seek—
Who knows not Love is strong and Reason weak?
A HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE
Virtuous and fair you are—and by my life
I should adore you—were you not my wife.
TO A SCANDAL-LOVING COQUETTE
I marvel, Maud, that you're so fond of scandal,
Since you yourself give to it such a handle.
TO A JEALOUS MAN
Seduce your wife! Nay, friend, your fears are vain—
D'ye think my taste so bad? she's far too plain.
LOVE AND REASON
Love once in Heaven reigned and Reason reigned on earth,
But Reason now has gone above since Love had here her birth.
BEAUTY WITHOUT WIT
Phillis! a deaf man you should wed,
Because your beauty he would see,
And, hearing not the things you said,
Would never disenchanted be.
ON A VERY FAT LADY
They say I take no exercise,—but that is idle talk,—
Around Emilia, fair and fat, three times a day I walk.
TO THE BEAUTIFUL HORTENSE, ABSENT
Return, dear maid, my longing heart to bless;
I'm dying of desire to die of happiness.
ON A COQUETTE
Blanche says she loves me: that is true no doubt:
She loves all men—and doesn't leave me out.
TO THE VICIOUS CLARICE
Nothing you love but evil—tell us why
You show to virtue such antipathy?
Why when you see it show so much alarm?
Virtue has never done you any harm.
THE DISINHERITED SON
Dad's dead and left me nothing in his will—
I shouldn't care if he were living still.
ON THE DEATH OF COUNT GRAMMONT
(Author of the famous Memoirs)
Another Condé we may see,
Turenne may come again,
But for another Grammont we
Must ever look in vain.
LOUISA AND I
Louisa says that I'm her beau,
So I suppose it must be so;
But till she said so I must own
The fact to me was quite unknown.
ON A PHYSICIAN
"My patients never of my skill complain,"
Said a physician, ignorant and vain:
"That I can understand," a jester said
"For no complaints are uttered by the dead."
EPITAPH ON AN ENGLISHMAN
Here lies John Smith—a tear afford him—
Who hung himself because life bored him.
LIBERTY?
When most for liberty the people shout
There's usually the least of it about:
It means most oft that every one is free
With the misguided millions to agree.
WHEN TRUTH SHOULD BE TOLD
Should we the truth on all occasions tell?
Say, should the sun each morn the darkness quell?
LOVE LIKE THE MOON
Love's like the changing moon, whose figure
Grows smaller if it grows not bigger.
LOVE VERSUS REASON
What reason have I for my love, you ask?
Alas! to answer were too hard a task:
Affection from the reason does not flow, The heart has reasons reason does not know.
THE ONLY HAPPINESS
At happiness in prospect do not jeer,
Since 'tis the only pleasure we have here.
LOVE NOT TO BE WILLED
To love or not to love we cannot will;
A greater will our will o'erruleth still.
DESIRE AND POSSESSION
He whom desire doth make a slave,
Possessed, as tyrant will behave.
ON FORLIS
What! here alone, dear Forlis! What's amiss?
You do not oft shun company, I wis.
"I was engaged communing with myself."
Alas! how bored you most have been, poor elf!
ON MAUPOU
Titus counted as lost the day
Unsignalised by some good deed;
But Maupou counts the other way,
And mourns the day from evil freed,—
And yet he mourns but few indeed.
BENSERADE ON THE DEATH OF CARDINAL RICHELIEU
Here lies the famous Cardinal Richelieu,
Whose grave with tears I constantly bedew:
If you should think my grief too great appears
Know with him died my pension: hence these tears.
ON THE PORTRAIT OF A GREAT TALKER
Since Bufo's picture never says a word
To call it a good likeness is absurd.
A HUSBAND'S GRIEF
"Robbers and thieves! how dare they cheat me so?
Charge twenty crowns for burying my wife!
The rascals mean to give me cause for woe—
I almost wish her back, upon my life!"
ON A COURTESAN
"A true chameleon, Chloris can assume
All the bright colours known in nature's loom."
"What, all the colours?" "Well, the truth to speak,
I've never seen a blush upon her cheek!"
EPITAPH ON A FRIEND
He who lies here was faithful, good and kind.
Search where you will no better friend you'll find:
He clung to me when I was fortune's prey."
"A man of men!" "Ah no! 'twas my dog Tray."
MARRIAGE À LA MODE
Why don't you wed?—I like my present state.—
I know a maiden—Guard me from her, fate!—
Charming: I'm sure she'll please you.—There you're out.—
Fifteen.—Too young.—Most witty.—Pert, I doubt.—
Discreet.—Dissembler.—Pretty.—Oft a curse!—
Well born.—Proud as a peacock.—Loving.—Worse!
Much talent.—Far too much, I fear, for me.—
Wealthy.—Enough: to marry I agree.
EPITAPH ON REGNIER, 1613
Death, in stopping my breath
Was unfair, you'll agree,
Since I ne'er thought of Death
Why should he think of me?
THE FEMALE SMOKER
I own I hardly like it, though
Such clouds of smoke you see me blow;
In fact I should not care for it a bit,
But that my husband has forbidden it:
Therefore my smoking is incessant,
To aggravate him—not because it's pleasant.
THE TRUE TEMPTERS
Women alone true tempters are to man,
The devil cannot tempt as women can.
A GOOD BARGAIN
You wish to make a good round fortune? Well,
Here's a receipt will bring you in much pelf—
Buy Gilbert at his proper value: sell
Him at the rate he estimates himself.