# Islam, Turkey, and Armenia, and How They Happened/Chapter XI

CHAPTER XI.
ARMENIAN CUSTOMS IN MARRIAGE.
1. The Intended Bride. Among the Armenians marriage is at an age earlier than in western countries—19 for boys and 15 for girls may be regarded a medium age for marriage. The engagement takes place earlier than that, sometimes when the couple are too young to understand the meaning of "the cradle contract." The parents are the chief operators in this. When a boy reaches his fifteenth or seventeenth year, his parents, especially the mother, the sisters and the aunts, begin to talk among themselves about a proper candidate for their future bride. Dark and large eyes, long and brown hair, rosy cheeks and round face and medium stature are desired for her physical qualities; diligence, modesty, manual skill, respectable parentage and good name for the moral qualities. The education, however, is not regarded essential, especially in the interior. In their research for a proper candidate they very often carry their mission and consultation beyond the borders of the family circle—it may be whispered in the church, in the marriage feasts, at the public baths, and on the streets. They make unexpected calls to the home of the girl under their consideration, the object of which is to examine the condition of the house and the manners of the girl, etc. When they ​approve one the subject is taken into more serious consideration among all the members of the family, and the opinion of the young man is consulted. He is too bashful to state his thoughts freely, especially in his father's presence, but he finds many ways to express himself. The young lady and her family are considered formally unaware of the intention, though they actually know about the case and prepare themselves to respond to the proposition. The girl has less voice than the young man, still her decision can not be entirely overlooked.
2. The Ceremony of Engagement. When the friends of the young man give their decision for a certain young woman, they send some friends or their priest to make the formal proposition and get the answer of "the other side." If they get a favorable reply a day is appointed for the ceremony of engagement, when the friends of the young man, associated with the priest, go to the home of the young woman to perform the ceremony of engagement. The nearest friends of both families are there, but neither of the couple. After some pell mell conversation, the representative of the young man asks the elder member of the girl's family, "Mr. ——, do you know for what purpose we came here this evening?" He answers, "You are all welcome; what purpose can we expect but friendship and brotherly call. You know our house is always open for the friends; you are a thousand times welcome." "Yes, indeed, we are friends, and always welcomed in your house. God bless you and your home, but in this visit we ​have a special purpose, and, the Lord willing, a good purpose, and we are sure that you will not disappoint us." The girl's friends must never show themselves acquainted with the said purpose or anxious for its discussion; therefore, must always repeat the same general words of welcome and friendship, until the representative of the young man opens the question and says, "Mr. ——, by the will of God we came to beg your favor in giving your noble daughter, Mary, to your servant, our son James. We expect that you will not refuse our proposal and send us away disappointed." After sone formal hesitation and repetitions of the proposal the question is referred to the oldest member of the young woman's family, who says, "You are welcome a thousand times, if it is the Lord's will, may it be blessed for us all." This answer being equal to "yes," is responded to with great joy and congratulations, and the young woman being called in, the presents of the young man—pieces of gold coins, heavy embroidered handkerchiefs, a gold ring, etc.—presented to her. Her silent acceptance of these things is regarded the sign of her consent for the contract, after which the priest rehearses some words of prayer and vows in behalf of the contractors, then a good supper is served. In larger towns the young man may accompany the friends for the ceremony of engagement. Between the times of engagement and wedding the couple do not see nor write to each other—only the parents give visits on special days, as Christmas and Easter, or other occasions, and send presents to each ​other. The presents of the groom are expected to be more valuable and frequent. The bride is expected to furnish the groom and his nearest friends with embroideries, stockings and other articles, all made by her own hand. Also she has to prepare several suits for herself, all to be used after marriage. The wedding garments, however, silken and of any color but white, are to be prepared by the groom.
3. The Wedding. The families of the bride and groom make special preparations for the wedding and invite their relatives and friends and neighbors to their respective homes two or three days before the marriage. One hundred guests in each home can be regarded a moderate estimate. A feast is served in both homes on the afternoon of the marriage day, after which the family and guests of the groom, all with lighted candles in their hands, go to the home of the bride "to take the bride," as they say. After spending about an hour with the guests there, and partaking of "sherbet," (non-alcholic drink) and fruits, they take the bride to the home of the groom, or to the church, where the religious ceremony is performed by the priest. The ceremony takes about an hour, and sometimes more. Nobody among the friends of the bride except one lady attends the marriage ceremony in the church, and the members of her family do not come to see her in her new home within ten to fifteen days, and she does not go to visit them before thirty to forty days.
In various parts of Armenia they have different customs, e.g.: In some places each guest brings ​with her or him a small sum of money or other provisions to meet the wedding expenses. In some places they do not use invitation cards, but send a messenger to each friend's house, or distribute pieces of candy with a message of "salutations." In many places on the marriage-feast day the gates are opened to the poor and strangers. The jewelry presented to the bride by the groom are pieces of gold coins of various value, as $1 to $15 apiece worn as a necklace. On the day after the marriage the friends bring gifts, such as rugs and copper vessels, and from a saucer to a wash-tub. A few days before and after the marriage the groom is called by the name of "King" and another young man will associate him as his "Prime Minister," and a little boy "the groom's brother." In many places the bride has to wear a veil for months or years after her departure from her father's home. The new bride, beginning from the engagement day, is not allowed to speak before her father-in-law, brothers-in-law and their nearest relatives for several months or years after the marriage. If they are obliged to tell something they either speak into the ears of a child of the family, who repeats it aloud, or they themselves express it by signs. In the interior, men and women do not eat together, especially when there is a stranger in the house.
The Armenian church ever allows divorce for any cause; only permits separation without re-marriage. A god-child can never marry his or her godfather's children. The common priests of the Armenian ​church must be married men before they are ordained, but neither the priest nor his wife can marry a second time.
The marriage feasts are generally accompanied with music and singing and fire-works, and similar amusements. Once in a Protestant community, when they were taking the groom and the bride from the church back to the home, they sang on the way, "Jesus, I my cross have taken."