# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3814/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
A gentleman with a foreign name who was arrested in the neighbourhood of the Tyne shipyards last week with measuring gauges and a map in his possession explained, on being charged, that he was looking for work. It is possible that some hard labour may be found for him.
"Members of Parliament will not suffer," was the comfortable statement of Mr. Josiah Wedgwood during a speech on the subject of the War. As a matter of fact, owing to the French cooks employed at the House of Commons having returned to their country, the menu at the House will have to consist, until the end of the session, of plain English fare.
The foresight of the British Public in refusing to subscribe the large amount of money asked of them for the Olympic Sports in Berlin is now apparent.
Although still under twenty-one years of age, and therefore not yet liable for military service, Georges Carpentier has gallantly joined the colours as a volunteer. It would be pleasant if he and the Russian Hackenschmidt could shortly meet in Berlin.
A dear old lady writes to say that she was shocked to read that Sir Ernest Shackleton's ship, on leaving the Thames, was hooted at by sirens, and that such conduct makes her ashamed of her sex.
Meanwhile, thoughtful persons are wondering whether there will be any fighting at the South Pole. It will be remembered that the Austrians were also fitting out a South Pole expedition, and friendly rivalry between the two nations may soon become impossible.
The W. S. P. U. has written to the Press to contradict the statement that the Union has issued instructions that acts of militancy are to be suspended during the European crisis. The Union, we understand, considers the statement calculated to cause serious injury to its reputation.
Which reminds us that The Liverpool Evening Echo was, we fancy, the only paper in the country to announce a sensational victory for feminism, and we congratulate our contemporary on its coup. We refer to the following announcement:—"At a meeting of the Fellows of All Souls' College, Oxford, Mrs. Francis William Pember was elected Warden in place of the late Sir William Anson."
The Hon. Sec. of the Fresh Air Fund appeals to ladies to send him their hair combings, every pound of which will provide a poor child with a day in the country. We like this idea of turning Old Hair into Fresh Air.
The London General Omnibus Company is appointing one lady and number of men to act as interpreters and guides. Their costumes, we should, will attract a considerable amount of attention, for the lady, we are told, will wear a braided frock coat and black skirt and straw-topped peak hat, while the men will work in double shifts.
By the way it is rumoured that several of our railway companies intend to follow the example of the L. G. O. C. and employ interpreters to translate to passengers the names of the railway stations as announced by porters and guards.
At the recent meeting of the British Medical Association at Aberdeen a doctor advocated the eating of onions and garlic. This should certainly produce an uninhabited area in one's immediate neighbourhood, and so render one less liable to catch infectious diseases.
"I know not," says Mr. Arnold Bennett, "why I find an aerid pleasure in beholding mediocrity, the average, the everyday ordinary, as it is; but I do." Can it be, Arnold, because we are all attracted by our opposites?
We are authorised to deny the allegation that Lord Gladstone, when he was booed upon his arrival at Waterloo from South Africa, remarked gaily, "Ah, I see I have not done with my friends the Booers yet!"
It is nice to know in these days of lost reputations that Oriental hospitality, at any rate, shows no signs of decadence. A correspondent has come across the following announcement in a tailor's shop in Tokio:—"Respectable ladies and gentlemen may come here to have fits."