# Merry and entertaining history of the king and the cobler

THE
MERRY AND ENTERTAINING
HISTORY
OF THE
KING
AND THE
COBLER
IN TWO PARTS.
EDINBURGH.
PRINTED BY J. ROBERTSON, No.30 NICHOLSON STREET.
1811.
THE
HISTORY
OF THE
KING AND THE COBLER.
It was the cuſtom of King Henry VIII. to walk late in the night into the city, diſquiſed, to obſerve and take notice how the conſtables and watchmen performed their duty, not only in guarding the city gates, but alſo diligently watching the inward parts of the city, ſo that they might, in a great meaſure, prevent thoſe diſturbances and caſunities which too often happen in great and populous cities in the night and this he did often without the leaft diſcovery who he was, returning some to Whitehall in the morning.
Now, in his return home through the Strand, he took notice of a certain cobler who was conſtantly up at work shilling and singing every morning The King a resolved to see him and be acquainted with him: In order in which he immediately knocks off the heel of his ſhoe by hitting it against a stone; and having done ſo, he bounced at the Cobler's ſtall.
Who's there? cries the cobler.
Here's one, ſaid the King.
With that the cobler opened the ſtall door, and the King aſked him if he could ſet on the heel on one of his shoes.
Yes, that I can ſays the cobler. Come in, honeſt fellow, and set thee down by me, and I will do it for free ſtraight; the cobler ſcraping his awls aud old ſhoes to one ſide, to make room for the king to sit down by him.
The king being hardly able to forbear laughing at the ​kindneſs of the cobler, aſked him if there was a houſe hard by the sold a cup of good ale, and that people were up.
Yes, said the cobler, there is an Inn over the way, where I believe the folks are up, for the carriers go from thence very early in the morning.
What the king borrowed an ſhoe of the cobler, and sent over to the inn, deſiring the cobler would bring his ſhoe to him thither, ſo ſoon as he had put the ſteel on again. The coblar promiſed he would ſo making what haſte he could to put on the heel, he carries it to the King, ſaying,
Honeſt blade, here is thy ſhoe again; and I warrant thee it will not come off again in haſte.
Very well, said the king, what muſt thou bare for they paint?
A couple of pence, replied the cobler.
Well, ſaid the King, ſeeing the art an honeſt merry follow, here is a teſter to thee. Come, fit down by me, will drink full pot with thee. Come here's a good health to the King.
With all my heart, ſaid the cobler, I'll pledge thee were it in wager.
So the cabler ſit down by the King, and war very merry, and drank of his liquer very freely, and like wise sung ſome of his mercy ſongs and catches, where the King laughed heartily, and was very jocund and pleaſant with the cobler, telling him withal that his name was Harry Tudors that he belonged to the court, and if he would come and see him there be would be very welcome, be cauſe he was a merry companion, charged in not to forget his name, and to ask any one for him about the court and they would soum bring him to him he ſaid the King, I am very well known there.
No the cobler little dreamed that the King which ſpoke to him, much leſs that the King's name was ​Harry Tudor; therefore, with a great deal of confidence, he ſtands up, and pulls off his hat, makes two or three ſcrapes with his foot, and gives the King many thanks; also telling him, that he was one of the honeſteſt men he ever met with in all his lifetime; and, although he had never been at court, yet it ſhould not be long before he would make a holliday to come and ſee him.
Whereupon the King paying for what they had drank, would have taken his leave of the cobler, who not being willing to part with him, took hold of his hand and ſaid, by my faith you muſt not go; you ſhall first go and ſee, my poor habitation; I have there a tub of good brown ale, that was never tapped yet, and you muſt go and taſte it for you are the honeſteſt blade I ever met withal, and I love at honeſt merry companion with all my heart.
CHAP. II.
So the cobler took the King with him over the way, where he had his caller adjoining to the ſtall which was handſomely and neatly furniſhed for a man of his profeſſion. Into this cellar he had the King; there ſaid he, it down, you are very welcome; but I muſt deſire you to ſpeak ſoftly for fear of awakening my wife Joan, who lies here hard by, (ſhowing the King a cloſe bed made up at one corner of the cellar much like a closet) for if ſhe ſhould awake, he would make our ears ring again.
At which ſpeech of the cobler's the King laughed, and told the cobler he would be mindful to follow his directions
Whereupon the cobler kindled up a fire, and fetched out brown loaf from which he cut lofly toaſt, which he ſet a baking at the fire then he brought out his Cheſhire cheeſe, come, ſaid he, will you eat any of my Cheſhire cheeſe? There is a good fellowſhip in eating as there is in drinking; which made the King admire the ​honeſt freedom of the cobler. So, having eaten a bit the cobler began a health, to all true hearts and merry companions: At which the king ſmiled, ſaying, friend I'll pledge thee.
In this manner they ate and drank together till it was almoſt break of day; the cobler being very free with his liquor, and delighted the King with several of his old ſtories, inſomuch that he was highly pleaſed with the manner of his entertainments when, on a ſudden, the cobler's wife Joan began to wake. I ſaith, ſays the cobler, you muſl be gone; my wife Joan begins to grumble, ſhe'll awake preſently, and I would not for half the ſhoes in my ſhop ſhe ſhould find you here.
CHAP. III.
Now as ſoon as the King came home he ſent out orders about the court, that if required for him by the name of Harry Tudor, they ſhould immediately bring the person before him, whatever he was, without any further examination of him.
The cobler thought every day a month, till he had been at court, to ſee his new acquaintance, and was troubled how he ſhould get leave of his wife Joan, for he could not get without her knowledge, by reaſon he did reſolve to make himſelf as fine a' he could, for his wife always kept the key of his holiday clothes. Whereupon, one evening at they ſat at ſupper, finding her in a very good humour, he began to lay open his mind to her, telling her the whole ſtory of their acquaintance, repeating it over and over again, that he was the honeſt fellow he ever met withal. Huſband, quoth he, becauſe you have been ſo ingenuous as to tell me the whole truth, I will gie you leave to make holliday for this once; you ſhall go to court, and I will make you as fine as I can ​So it wat agreed that he ſhould go to court next day; whereupon Joan roſe betimes next morning to bruſh up her huſband's holiday clothes, and make him as ſnug as the could. She wathed and ironed the lace band, and made his ſhoes ſhine that he might ſee his face in them. Having done this ſhe made him riſe, and pull of his ſhirt; then he washed him with warm water, from head to foot, putting on him a clean ſhirt: Afterwards ſhe dreſſed him in his holiday clothes, pinning his laced band in the prim.
CHAP. IV.
The cooler being thus ſet forth, he ſtruted through the ſtreets like'a crow in a gutter, thinking himſelf the bed of them all.
In this manner he came to court, ſtaring at this body and that body, as he walked up and down, and not knowing who to aſk for Harry Tudor. At laſt be eſpied one, as he thought, in the habit of a ſerving man, to whom be made his address, ſaying.
Doſt thou hear, honeſt fellow do you know one Harry Tudor who belong to this court.
Yes, ſaid the man, follow me and I will bring you to him.
With that he had him preſently up into the guard chamber, telling one of the yeomen of the guards there was one who enquired for Harry Tudor.
I know him very well, replied the yeoman: if you please to go along with me, I'll bring you to hit immediately
So the cobler followed the yeoman, admiring very much the prodigious finery of the rooms which he carried him through. He thought within himself that the yeoman was mistaken in the person whom he enquired for; for, ſaid he, he whom I look for is a plain merry fellow ​low; his name is Marty Tudor, we drank two pots together not long ſince; I ſuppose he may belong to ſome Lord or another about the court.
I tell you friend, ſaid the yeoman, I know him very well, do you but follow me, and I ſhall bring you to him ſtraight.
So going forward, he came to the room where the King was accompanied with ſeveral of his nobles who attended him.
As ſoon as the yeoman had put by the orres, he spoke aloud, may it pleaſe your Majeſty here is one who enquires for Harry Tudor.
The cobler bearing this, thought he had committed no leſs than treason, therefore be up with his heels and ran for it but not being acquainted with the ſeveral turnings and rooms through which he came, he was ſoon overtaken, and brought before the king, whom the cobler little thought to be the perſon whom he enquired for: Therefore in trembling condition he fell down on his knees, ſaying,
May it pleaſe your grace, may it pleaſe your highneſs, I am a poor cobles, and equires for one Harry Tudor, who is very honest fellow; I mended the heel of his ſhoe nor long ſince, for which he paid me nobly, and give me two pots to boot. But I had him afterwards go to my cellar, where we drank a cup of nappy ale and were very merry, till my wife Joan began to grumble, which put an end to our merriment for that time but I told him I would come to court and ſee him, as ſoon as I conveniently could.'
Well, ſaid the King, don't be troubled; do you know this honeſt fellow again if you ſaw him.
The cobler replied, yes, that I do from a thouſand. Then, ſold the King ſtand up, and be not afraid but look well about you, p ture you may find the fellow in this company ​Whereupon the cobler roſe up, and looked wishfully pon the and the rest of the nobles, but it was to lit- le or no purpoſe; for though he ſaw ſomething in the King's face which he thought he had seen before, yet he ould never imagine him to be Harry Tudor, whoſe heel his ſhoe he had mended, and who had been ſo merry ith him at the inn, and at his own cellar.
He therefore told the King he did not expect to find Harry Tudor smong ſuch fine folks as he ſaw there, at that the perſon he looked for was a plain honeſt, me he hearted fellow: Adding withal that he was ſure at did Harry Tudor but know that he was at court, he could make him very welcome for ſays the cobler, when parted, he charged the to come to coart and ſee him hich I promiſed I would, and accordingly have ds an oliday on purpose come and ſee him.
At which ſpeech of the cobler's the king had much do to forbear laghing outright; but keeping his counte ance as ſteady us he could before the cobler, he ſpake the yeoman of the guards
Here ſaid he, take the honeſt cobler down into my cel- r; and let him drink my good health I will give orders ist Harry Tudor ſhall come to him preſently.
So sway they went, the cobler being fit to leap out f his ſkin for joy, not only becauſe he had come ſo well s, but that he ſhould ſee his good friend Harry Tudor.
CHAP. V.
The cobler had not been long in the King's cellar, before the King came to him, in the ſame habit at he had on when be mended his ſhoe, whereupon the obler knew him immediately, and ran and killed him, aying.
Honeſt Harry, I have made a holiday on purpoſe to e you; but I such do to get leave of my wife ​loan, who was not that I ſhould loſe ſo much time from my work but I was reſolved to ſee you, and thereſore I made myſelf as fine as I could But I'll tell thee, Harry, when I came to court, I war in a peek of troubles how to find you out; but at laſt I met with a man who told me he knew you very well, and he would bring me to you; but instead of ſo doing, he brought me before the King, which had almost frightened me out of my ſeven ſenſes: But in good faith, added the cobler, I am reſolved to be merry with you, ſince I have had the good fortune to meet with you at laſt.
Ay, that you ſhall, replied the kings we all be as merry a princes.
With that he called for a large glaſs of wine, and drank to the cobler, the King's good health.
Good a mercy, ſaid the cobler, honeſt Harry, I'll pledge that health with all my heart.
Now, after the cobler had drank about four or five good healths, he began to be merry and ſell a ſinging his old ſong and catches, which pleaſed the King very much, and made him laugh heartily.
When, on a ſudden, ſeverel of the nobles came into the cellar, extraordinary rich in apparel, who all ſtood uncovered before Harry Tudor, which put the cobler into an amazement at firſt, but prefectly recovering himſelf, he looked man willfully upon Harry Tudos, and ſoon knowing him to be the king, whom he knew in the preſence chamber, though in another habit, he immediately fell on his knees, ſaying,
May it pleaſe your Grace, may it pleaſe your Highneſs, I am an honeſt poor cobler, and means no harm.' No, no, ſaid the King and full receive none here, I aſſure you.
He commanded him therefore to riſe up, and be as merry as he was before and though he knew him in be the King, yet be ſhould uſe the ſame freedom with him ​as he had done before, when he mended the heel of his hoe.
This kind ſpeech of the King's, and three or four glaſſes of wine, made the cobler to be in as good humour is he was before, telling the King ſeveral of his pretty lories, and ſinging ſome of his beſt ſongs, very much to he ſatisfaction of the King and all his nobles.
THE COBLER's SONG IN THE KING's CELLAR.
Come let us drink the other pot, Our ſorrows to confound; We'll laugh and ſing before the King, So let his health go round: For I am a hold as bold can be, No cobler e'er was ruder; Then here, good fellow, here's to thee, Rememb'ring Harry Tudor. When I'm at work within my ſtall Upon him I ſhall think; His kindneſs I to mind all call, Whene'er I eat or drink: His kindneſs was to me is great, And ſo ſhall my wife Joan. I'll laugh when I fit in my ſtall, And merrily will ſing, That I, with poor laſt and awl, Am fellow to the King, And it is more, I muſt confeſs, Than I at firſt did know; But Harry Tudor, ne'ertheleſs, Reſolves it ſhall be ſo. And now farewell unto Whitehall, I homeward muſt retire, To ſing and while in my ſtall, My Joan will me deſire
I wonder that how ſhe will laugh, When she hears of this thing, That he who drank her nut-brown ale, Was England's royal King.
CHAP. IV.
Now the King conſidering the pleaſant humour of the cobler, how innocently marry he was, and free from any deſigns that he was perſon who laboured very hard, and took great deal of pains for a ſmall livelihood, was pleaſed, out of his princely grace and favour to allow him liberal annuity of forty marks a year, for the better ſupport of his jolly humour, and the maintenance of his wife Joan; and that he ſhould be admitted one of his courtiers, and that he might have the liberty of his cellar whenever he pleaſed; which bring ſo fa beyond expectation, did highly exalt the cobler's humour, much to the ſatisfaction of the King.
So, after a great many bows and ſcrapes, he returned home to his wife Joan, with the joyful news of his reception at court, which ſo well pleaſed her, that the did not think much of the great pains the had taken in decorating him up for the journey.
PART II. CHAP. I.
Christopher Crispin, for ſo was the cobler called, with whom King Henry VIII, had made himſelf ſo exceedingly familiar; the cobler, I ſay, having been at court, where he made much mirth and was much made of for the mirth and merriment which he made, returning home in the afternoon, full freighted with wine, and likewiſe wonderful expectations, his head and head being light, he went capering along, flinging with ​his ear, crying, long live Harry Tudor, long live Harry Tudor, with a hundred boys at his heels, whooping and losing. His wife ſtanding at the door, and ſeeing him pranceing along in ſuch a hair-brained poſture, ſhe immediately put on one of her accuſtomed crabbed looks, crying out, hoity toity, what's come of you now? I'll Harry Tudor you, with a vengeance! Wait for this I dreſſed you up in plimblico, in all your beſt apparel, to have you come home like one just out of bedlam.
Peace wife, quoth the cobler, for I am upon my preferment; I am promiſed to be made a courtier, that I am.
A courtier! quoth Joan; Adsfoot! more like a cuckold, drunken ſcoundrel.
Nay, you be know that, 'tis from you I must have that favour if it be conferred upon me.
Ceaſe your prating, quoth Joan, and get you to bed, that you may riſe in the morning, and fall to your buſineſs, for this courſe of life will never do. With theſe, and the like reprimands, ſhe conquers poor Criſpin, who for quietneſs ſake, forth with rent to bed, where we will leave him to take his reſt. Let us now return to court, and ſay ſomething of what pared between the King, Queen, and Nobles, relating that day's comical adventure.
CHAP. II.
Now it is to be noted that the coller was no ſooner gone, but the King with his Nobles, began to renew their mirth, upon their rehearſing the many comical fancies and pleaſant pranks with which the cobler had entertained them, and that which added the more to their recreation and ſport was, a certain Lord, who put himſelf into a country habit, and imitated the cobler ſo to the life, that the King and the reſt of the nobles fell into a hearty fit of laughter, which laſted a conſiderable ​time, without intermiſſion, whereupon the Queen, with her maids of honour, came to enquire the cauſe of ſuch general mirth.
My ſeige, bid the Queen, I am glad to hear you and your Nobles ſo merry, and would be glad to know what fancies have been the occaſion of ſo much laughter?
My lady, quoth the King, we have had the company of comical cobler, the like of whom I think never came here to court ſince the conqueſt; for his downright honeſt Simplicity has afforded us much paſtime.
Then, ſaid the Queen, I wiſh I had been here, to have been a partaker of this mirth. Then, the King replied, it may not be too late as yet; for I ſhall contrive, the very firſt opportunity, to give you a fight of him under ſome diſguiſe, by which we will have new proofs of the of the pleaſant paſtime.
But then, ſaid the proud prelate, Cardidal Woolſey, how do theſe frolics agree with your kingly dignity- What will your friends and allies ſay, when they ſhall hear how you converſe and take pleaſure in the company of a cobler? Why, ſaid the King, Woolley, have you not heard, how the induſtrious bee extracted honey as well from the meant flowers as the richeſt bloſſoms? And, if ſo, why may I not experience the felicity of my people, by converfing with a poor cobler, as well as I may from the crafty policy of a proud cardinal.
This choke-pear ſtoped the mouth of cardinal Woolſey, while the King, Queen, and Nobits purſued their wirth, to the height of their ſatisfacion.
CHAP. III.
You may remember how the cobbler, at his return home from the court, in a frolickſome manner, was ſummoned to bed by the ſtrict order of old Joan, his commanding wife, where he ſlept ſecure till towards ​morning, at which time the awakened him with a thunder clap. Thou drunken ſwine, and whimſical woodcock, it not time to riſe? is this the courſe of life you intend to lend?-At which words the poor cobler awakned; and that he might get out of the hearing of this norning lecture, he jumps out of bed, puts on his clothes nd his conſidering cap, and so paſſed a way to his ſtall, where he fell to work upon his ſhoes and boots, as fierce fury, and as blythe a bird in the returning ſpring. leading his fancy with a ſong (of his own making), as follows:
THE COBLER's SONG IN HIS STALL:
Tho now I fit within my ſtall, Old ſhoes and ſlippers mending, I to the court ſhall have a call, There is my hope depending I do not value truly Joan, Tho' once in tears I woo'd her; I have the favour in well known, Of honeſt Harry Tudor.
He gave me forty merks in gold, Which is a deal of treaſure: Beſides all this there is no far of having courtly pleaſure I wiſh old Joan ſhe would die, Tho' once in tear, I woo'd her, I'd go to court, and the live by My honeſt Harry Tudor.
Now whilſt the cobler was making himſelf merry with singing his new made ſong. Joan ſuddenly chopped upon him, and hearing him mention the name of Tudor, salutes him in this manner;
Out you drunken ſcoundrel, what are you going to during it again? I thought you had got enough ​that yeſterday; come into breakfaſt, you blockhead. With that he immeditely follows her like patient man, while ſhe continued ſcolding in this manner I need not, quoth ſhe, aſk you whether or not you met with your pot companion; for I think you gave me a full proof that you did, by the drunken condition you came home in. I think you told me he was ſomething of a courtier, but I rather think him to be ſome carman or porter. Pray where is the money that you carried out with you? You had fourpence halfpenny of me: that I let you live out of my pocket, becauſe I would have you appear like a man and beſides what you took of Jobſon, the old joiner, and likewiſe of Simon Scucecrown the sadler, for two pair of heel pieces and of this money, pray let me ſee what you have left?
Alas! ſaid the cobler, my friend was ſo far from letting me ſpend any thing, that he has given me what may be the making of you and I.
Why, Huſband, quoth Joan, what has he given you? Why, to tell you the truth, my ſweet wife, he has ſettled forty merks a-year upon me; and, as a ſure token of his goodneſs, he has given me thefe two broad pieces of gold.
Oh meǃ quoth joan, did your friend give you all this? Well, God's bleſſing on his loving heart, he is an honeſt fellow, warrant him.
Who do you call fellow? quoth her huſband, be that is ſo particular a friend of mine, is no worſe perſon than our gracious King Henry, and was be to know what you have ſaid of him and me, you may happen to dine on the fruit of your hempſeed; by which means I might be rid of a ſhrew.
Sweet huſband, quoth Joan, pardon what I've ſaid through my ignorance, and never devulge my unfortunate ſayings, as you love me, and I will never ſcold, nor call thou names for the future, during life. ​Be ſure, quoth he, to keep your promise, and I had aſſure you that all ſhall be well.
CHAP. IV.
King Henry, as you have heard, having promiſed the Queen that ſhe ſhould be accommodated with ſome of the cobler's segaries, now his care was how to perform and make good his promiſe; that is to ſay, how he might sing himfelf into the cobler's company without the cobler knowing who he was. Many thoughts came into his band, but among the reſt, one he reſolves upon, which this: The King ſends man and horſe down into the country, there to buy leather fit for ſhoe makers, and to send it to London with the carrier, who came to the ſame town that was over against the aforeſaid cobler.
This being accordingly done, the King, in the habit of complain countryman, came to the inn with the Queen, who the dreſs of an innocent country maiden, paſſed for his swoman: he paſſed for the tanner that had come to receive and ſell the leather. The King having paid the carrier for bringing the parcel, calls for a room and ſome the beſt liquor the houſe afforded which being brought, aſked the keeper, whether or no he could help him a chapman for his leather: who answered, here an honest fellow, a cobler over the way, I'll ſend for him; he'll either buy it; or help you to a cuſtomer for it.
Prithee ſend for him, ſaid the King.
Whereupon the cobler was called, who came capering as a Morice dancer, ſaying who wants me.
A gentleman ſaid the inn keeper, has a parcel of leather for sell.
I'll buy it, quoth the cobler, if it be for my turn. Now bring looked over it, he aſked the price, the King, not knowing what it was worth, aſked him forty ſhillings. ​Marry, quoth the cobler, I with that you may have com honeſtly by it; for though I be the buyer, I muſt need tell you it is worth much more.
That's neither here nor there, quoth the King, I am for falling off: which, when I have done, I dont think t deal in leather for the future; I am for a place at court and this young maid, my kinswoman, is likewiſe deſire to wait on ſome lady.
Marry, quoth the cobler, if it be ſo, perhaps I may d you a piece of ſervice, for at ſimple as I fit here; though I ſay ſo myself, I am very well acquainted with the King and, as you ſeem both to have good honeſt faces. I proteſt I will do you all the good I can, that I will, and there i my band on the ſame.
Thou ſayeſt well, quoth the King, and if thou doſt a kindneſs, I do not matter if I give thee the leather a reward for thy goodneſs; and ſo here's to thee.
I thank thee, quoth the cobler; and by the time had drank three or four carouſes his heart grew light he told the King he would ſing him a ſong of his ca making at which the Queen, when ſhe heard it, laughe heartily's for he had many jokes and pleaſant ſongs: delighted the Queen more than any thing he had see or met with in her life.
At length it drew towards noon; the cobler wat ſ going will them towards the court, but he muſt dre himſelf, for he would not appear before the King in h cobler's clothes for all the ſhoes in his ſhop.
CHAP. V.
The cobler being gone, the King turned himself the Queen ſaying, how do you like the converſation of this comical Criſpin?
The Queen ſaid, right well: beſide I ſee there is ſome thing of prirciple in him, which, in my judgement, ſeem ​to outſhine his poverty: for, my leige, when you offered the leather to him at a low price, he let you know it was worth much more, and therefore was loath to meddle with it, fearing you came not honeſtly by it. And what obſerve more in him it, that he has a light heart, briſk, and merry; and, for ought I know, he enjoys more comfort in his courſe and homely cottage, than a colonel or courtier, with all their accompliſhments.
Not ſo much of that, replied the King; I very well remember, that when he had me down in his lower cellar, drink a cup of his nappy ale, and eat ſome of his bread and cheeſe, all on a ſudden his wife Joan began to rouſe at of her night's reſt, and I found he began to be afraid her, for he ſaid, friend, you must begone; I would not that Joan my wife could catch you here, no not for all the shoes in my ſhop, And thereupon rather than the cobler would be cudgeled by his wife, I got away with all the seed I could.
My liege, quoth the Queen, you were hard put to it. In truth, quoth the King, ſo I was.
Then, with a ſmile her Majeſty ſaid, I would willingly see her.
She ſhall be ſent for ſaid the King, and thereupon he applied for the inn keeper, to know what he could let them have for dinner, Who told him, they had a ſhoulder of mutton, which would be ready in half an hour.
That will do, foid the King and therefore, pray call cobler and his wife, for I deſire they may both dine with me.
The innkeeper having delivered his meſſage, Joan ſet railing, ſaying, what fot is this that hath ſent for you now? I shall have you drunk again, that I ſhall.
Why, quoth the cobler, did you not tell me the other by that you would never ſcold at me again, if I would not keep your counſel; and do you begin already! go ​put on your beſt red petticoat and waiſtcoat, whilſt dreſs myſelf, for I do not know but we may take a walls to court after dinner, and it would be for your credit to appear before the King in your beſt apparel. Now Joan having a for of fear upon her for what he had formerly ſaid, doubting that he might out with all, poor creature ſhe was fain to bridle her unruly tongue, and turn her crabbed frowns into ſweet and pleaſant ſmiles; and with obedience to her huſband, the made herſelf as fine as London milkmaid upon May day: and Criſpin likewiſe bruſhed up his beard and then went over with Joan, pert as a pest-monger.
The King, taking his glaſs, drank to the cobler's wife; who ſimpering like firmity kettle, ſaid, I thank you, ſir.
Then paſſing the glaſs to her huſband, he filled up a bumper and drank to the Queen, with this compliment young woman, you are welcome to London, and I don' queſtion but I may help you to a ſervice that may be t your heart's content.
Now by the time the glaſs had gone round, the road was ready and ſet before them the cobler craved learn to ſay the grace, which was ſhort, and when ended, the King carved for himſelf and the Queen, and bid the cooler and his wife do the like.
Quoth Joan, I know my huſband is for the cuckold bit, and ſo here it is, ſo let him have it.
At which ſaying, the King and Queen ſmiled. He Majeſty being much more pleaſed with the mirth the the meat, fed but ſparingly, which the cobler merril ſaid, young woman, if you come to dine with the ſervant of a nobleman family adsuge, you muſt lay about you better than you do, or they will ſoon make you as sat a hen in the forehead.
With this, and the like diſcourſe they paſſed away time for an hour, and that King and Queen withdie ​into another room, there to conſult about finiſhing the comical adventure.
CHAP. VI.
Now it is to be noted that the King had told the ſecretary of ſtate, that he would ſend hit royal ſignet to him wrapped up, by a meſſenger whom he ſhould ſecure in order for him to give an accounts upon examination, how he came by it. Wherefore he preſently calls for pen, Ink and paper, and writes the letter, within which he incloſed the ſignet aforeſaid, and having directed the letter, the deſired the cobler to carry it, who was very ready to ſerve him. Now'Joan was reſolved to go with him, and did, becauſe the would keep him from being drunk. Now they were no ſooner gone, but the King called for the reckoning and paid for it. He and his Queen went privately by water to their palace, where they pulled off their diſguiſe, and appeared in their royal apparel; the King with his nobles and the Queen with her maids of honour. Now, by this time, the cobler and this wife deſerve the letter, to the ſecretary, who upon opening the ſame, ſeeming to ſtartle, and with a frowning countenance fold, behold here is the King's ſignet. How came you by it?
Why, ſays the cobler, I had the letter, and what was it I know not, only I had it from a tanner.
The ſecretary replied, if you do not find the tanner out, take my word for it, we ſhall make an example of you.
Why quoth Joan, you won't hang my huſband, will you?
Quoth the ſecretary, it will go hard with him, If he don't find the tanner.
I'll go fetch him, quoth Joan. But coming to the fun and finding the inner gone, ​poor Joan fell into a violent fit of tantrians, tearing her hair, wringing her hands, crying, what will become of my poor cobler? be will be hang'd.
For what? ſaid the innkeeper.
But Joan had not patience to tell him her lamentation, crying. O the tannar! O the tanner is gone, and in this condition, raving like a fury, or like a lunatic perſon broken out of bedlam, the ran back to Weſtminſter, with a multitude of men, women, and children, after her, who wanted to know the cauſe: but Joan continued crying, O the tanner is gone! und my poor Criſpin, what will become of thee
Which words her huſband hapened to hear, juſt as ſhe entered the door, and cried, dear Joan, save you brought them with you?
With me, quoth Joan, no, no, they are gone, and you are left aloud to ſuffer. Now h d it not been better to work turn to follow every one that ſends for you now you may ſee what you have brought yourſelf to. Nothing would ſerve you, it ſeems, the other day, but to be courtier, ſuch was your ambition: but let me tell you, if they have a fancy to hang you, then I may ſay, you have made a fine piece of work on't; I can't but think how like a courtier you are now. But while ſhe was inſulting over poor Criſpin the King was informed of all their tranſactions, and therefore feat that they might be brought before him, which was done accordingly, but the cobler approached in the preſence of the King, every joint about him trembled, for he expected to find no favour. The King, with an angry countenance, ſaid, how came you by my ſignet?
The poor cobler, falling on his knees, and wringing his hands, cried, may it pleaſe your grace, may it please your honour, I had it fom a tanner, who ſent for me to the Bell, in the ſtrand to buy a parcel of leather he had brought out of the country, The King replied, this is a ​pleaſant and well connected ſtory, but if you don't produce this tanner, I'll leave you to the law, and if you be hanged by the law, you must take it for your pains, Joan hearing the King talk of hanging cried, good ſir, King, don't hang my poor Criſpin; he is an honeſt man, and has but one fault. What is that? quoth the King; he will not be ruled by his wife, quoth Joan. He ſhall die, ſaid the King, but I will allow him to chuſe his own death. Why, quoth the cobler, let me die the death of my grandfather and grandmother. How was that? quoth the King. It was on a death bed, replied the cobler. At which choice of the cobler's, the King. Queen, and nobles laughed bearily, and Criſpin and his wife were locked up in a room, to wait the King's pleaſure. No ſooner were they a ſecond time confined but the cobler ſaid with a trembling voice, ſweet wife, I wonder what the King intends to do with us now? quoth Joan, prithee be of good comfort, for I am perſuaded that the King and Queen, are the tanner and his kinſwoman.
Adfoot quoth the cobler, have care of what you ſay, I ſhall have you ſpeak treaſon and then we ſhall be both hang'd, i'faith after all, fear not, huſband, I can ſee as far into a mind one as he that picks it; I am ſure, though they changed their apparel, they could not change their complexion.
Whilſt they were in this diſpute, the King and Queen, dreſſed in their former diſguiſe, entered the room attended by nobler and maid of honour. The King and Queen ſaid, Criſpin ſince you could not find the tanner, I have brought him to you. At which words he fell upon his knees, and cried.
Long live our royal King and Queen, Who did their royal perſons ſo demean, And in familiar ſort did joke with us And I rejoice it is no worſe.
heart: I have tried thy patience, and will prove thy friend. The forty merks per annum which I formerly gave thee, ſhall be more by my bounty.
Thou ſhalt have fifty pounds a year in land, Which lies upon the ſouth ſide of the ſtrand: I am the royal giver, thou the taker; And I will have it called the Cobler's Acre.
Poor Criſpin and his wife were ſo tranſported at this coming off, and the more at the Queen's gift, which was a purſe of gold. Then they preſented the court with a comical farce, called the forked friends, or the Fidler and his wife, with which they finished the day, and were diſmiſſed with great applauſe. He and Joan went home; and in a ſhort time built a row of houſes, calling the place Cabler's Acre, according to the King's requeſt, which name continued after the cobler's death. At this time it is turned into a more magnificent building, and has loſt its former name.
Yet during life, the cobler at the court Was well belov'd and freely entertain'd Where he afforded much delightful ſport, So long as Harry Tudor liv'd and reign'd, The King died firſt, the cobler fullord' after, Who had ſo often fill'd the court with laughter.
FINIS.