# All the Works of Epictetus, Which Are Now Extant/Book 2/Chapter 20

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CHAPTER XX.
Concerning the Epicureans, and Academics.
§. 1.True and evident Propositions must, of Necessity, be used even by those, who contradict them. And, perhaps, one of the strongest Proofs, that there is such a Thing as Evidence, is the Necessity which those, who contradict it, are under, to make use of it. If a Person, for Instance, should deny, that any thing is universally true, he will be obliged to assert the contrary, that nothing is universally true. What, Wretch, not even this itself? For what is this, but to say, that every thing universal is false. Again: if any one should come, and say, "Know that there is nothing to be known; but all Things are uncertain:" or another; "Believe me, and it will be the better for you, no Man ought to be believed in any thing" or a Third, "Learn from me, that nothing is to be learned; I tell you this, and will teach the Proof of it, if you please." Now what Difference is there between such as these, and those who call themselves Academics? Who say to us, "Be convinced, that no one ever is convinced [on good Grounds]. Believe us, that no body believes any body."
§. 2. Thus also, when Epicurus would destroy the natural Relation of Mankind to each other, he makes use of the very thing he is destroying. For what doth he say? "Be not deceived; be not seduced, and mistaken. There is no natural Re​lation between reasonable Beings. Believe me. Those who say otherwise, mislead and impose upon you."——Why are you concerned for us then? Let us be deceived. You will fare never the worse, if all the rest of us are persuaded, that there is a natural Relation between Mankind; and that it is by all means to be preserved. Nay, it will be much safer and better. Why do you give yourself any Trouble about us, Sir? Why do you break your Rest for us? Why do you light your Lamp? Why do you rise early? Why do you compose so many Volumes? Is it that none of us should be deceived, concerning the Gods; as if they took any Care of Men? Or that we may not suppose the Essence of Good consists in any thing, but Pleasure? For, if these Things be so, lie down and sleep, and lead the Life of which you judge yourself worthy; that of a mere Reptile. Eat and drink, and satisfy your Passion for Women, and ease yourself and snore. What is it to you, whether others think right or wrong about these Things? For what have you to do with us? You take care of Sheep, because they afford us their Milk, their Wool, and, at last, their Flesh. And would it not be a desirable Thing that Men might be so lulled and inchanted by the Stoics, as to give themselves up to be milked and fleeced by you, and such as you? Should not these Doctrines be taught to your Brother Epicureans only, and concealed from the rest of the World; who should by all means, above all things, be persuaded, that we have a natural Relation to each other: and that Temperance is a good Thing, in order that all may be kept safe for you? Or is this Relation to be preserved towards some, and not towards others? Towards whom then, is it to be preserved? Towards such as mutually preserve, or such as violate it? And who violate it more, than you, who teach such Doctrines?
​§. 3. What was it then, that waked Epicurus from his Sleep; and compelled him to write what he did? What else, but that which is of all others the most powerful in Mankind, Nature; which draws every one, however unwilling and reluctant, to its own Purposes. For since, says she, you think that there is no Relation between Mankind, write this Doctrine, and leave it for the Use of others; and break your Sleep upon that Account; and, by your own Practice, confute your own Principles. Do we say, that Orestes was roused from Sleep by the Agitation of the Furies; and was not Epicurus waked by Furies, more cruel and avenging, which would not suffer him to rest; but compelled him to divulge his own Evils, as Wine and Madness do the Priests of Cybele? So strong and unconquerable a Thing is human Nature! For how can a Vine have the Properties not of a Vine, but of an Olive Tree? Or an Olive Tree, not those of an Olive Tree, but of a Vine? It is impossible. It is inconceivable. Neither, therefore, is it possible for a human Creature intirely to lose human Affections. But even those who have undergone a Mutilation, cannot have their Inclinations also mutilated: and so Epicurus, when he had mutilated all the Offices of a Man, of a Master of a Family, of a Citizen, and of a Friend, did not mutilate the Inclinations of Humanity: for he could not, any more than the idle Academics can throw away, or blind their own Senses; though this be, of all others, the Point they labour most. What a Misfortune is it, when any one, after having received, from Nature, Standards and Rules for the Knowledge of Truth, doth not strive to add to these, and make up their Deficiencies; but, on the contrary, endeavours to take away, and destroy, whatever Truth may be known even by them?
​§. 4. What say you, Philosopher? What do you think of Piety and Sanctity? If you please, I will prove, that they are good.——Pray do prove it; that our Citizens may be converted, and honour the Deity, and may no longer neglect what is of the highest Importance.——Have you the Proofs, then?——I have, and I thank you. Since you are so well pleased with this then, learn the contrary: That there are no Gods; or, if there are, that they take no Care of Mankind; neither have we any Concern with them: that this Piety and Sanctity, which is so much talked of by many, is only an Imposition of boasting and sophistical Men; or, perhaps, of Legislators, for a Terror and Restraint to Injustice.——Well done, Philosopher. Our Citizens are much the better for you. You have already brought back all the Youth, to a Contempt of the Deity.——What! doth not this please you, then? Learn next, that Justice is nothing: that Shame is Folly: that the paternal Relation is nothing; the filial, nothing.——Well said, Philosopher: persist; convince the Youth: that we may have many more, to think and talk like you. By such Doctrines as these, have our well-governed States flourished? Upon these was Sparta founded! Lycurgus, by his Laws, and Method of Education, introduced such Persuasions as these; That it is just as honourable, as it is dishonourable, to be Slaves; and just as dishonourable, as honourable, to be free! They who died at Thermopylæ, died from such Principles as these! And from what other Doctrines did the Athenians leave their City?
​§. 5. And yet, they who talk thus, marry, and produce Children; and engage in public Affairs, and get themselves made Priests and Prophets (of whom? Of Gods that have no Existence); and consult the Pythian Priestess, only to hear Falshoods, and interpret the Oracles to others. What monstrous Impudence and Imposture!
§. 6. What are you doing, Man? You contradict yourself every Day; and yet you will not give up these paultry Cavils. When you eat, where do you carry your Hand? To your Mouth, or to your Eye? When you bathe, where do you go? Do you ever call a Kettle, a Dish; or a Spoon, a Spit? If I were a Servant to one of these Gentlemen, were it at the Hazard of being flayed every Day, I would plague him. "Throw some Oil into the Bath, Boy." I would take Pickle, and pour upon his Head. "What is this?" Really, Sir, an Appearance struck me so perfectly alike, as not to be distinguished from Oil. "Give me the Soup." I would carry him a Dish full of Vinegar. "Did not I ask for the Soup?"——Yes, Sir, this is the Soup.——"Is not this Vinegar?" Why so, more than Soup? "Take it and smell to it, take it and taste it." "How do you know then, but our Senses deceive us?" If I had three or four Fellow-servants to join with me, I would make him either choke with Passion, and burst, or change his Opinions. But now they insult us, by making use of the Gifts of Nature, while in Words, they destroy them. Grateful and modest Men, truly! Who, if there were nothing else in the Case, while they are eating their daily Bread, dare to say, "We do not know, whether there be any Ceres, or Proserpine, or Pluto." Not to mention, that ​while they enjoy the Night and Day, the Seasons of the Year, the Stars, the Earth and Sea, they are not the least affected by any of these Things; but only study to throw out some idle Problem; and, when they have, cleared their Stomachs, go and bathe but take not the least Care what they say; nor on what Subjects; nor to whom; nor what may be the Consequence of their Talk: whether any well-disposed young Man, by hearing such Doctrines, may not be affected by them, and so affected as intirely to lose the Seeds of his good Disposition: whether they may not furnish an Adulterer with Occasions of growing shameless in his Guilt whether a public Plunderer may not find Excuses from these Doctrines: whether he, who neglects his Parents, may not gain an additional Confidence from them——"What then, in your Opinion, is good and evil, fair and base; such Things, or such Things?"——Why should one say any more against such Creatures as these, or give them any Account, or receive any from them, or endeavour to convince them? By Jupiter, one might sooner hope to convince the most unnatural Debauchees, than those, who are thus deaf and blind to their own Evils.
* ↑ A New Testament Word.
* ↑ When the Athenians found themselves unable to resist the Forces of the Persians, they left their City; and, having removed their Wives and Children, and their moveable Effects, to Trœzen and Salamis, went on board their Ships, and defended the Liberty of Greece by their Fleet. Upton from Cicero, &c.
* ↑ What follows is against the Academics, who denied the Evidence of the Senses.
* ↑ By these Terms, the Stoics meant intelligent Powers, joining, to bring the Fruits of the Earth to Maturity, and to carry on the Course of Nature.
* ↑ These seem to be the Words of the Academic, desirous of begining a Dispute with Epictetus, to revenge himself, by puzzling him, for the severe Things which he had been saying against that Sect. But Epictetus refuses to enter into it; and gives his Reason.
* ↑ I have followed Mr. Upton's Addition of αισχρον; but, perhaps, even καλον may be an Addition, first arising from writing η καλον twice over.
* ↑ This resembles what our Saviour saith to the Jewish Rulers; Verily I say unto you, that the Publicans and the Harlots go into the Kingdom of God before you. Matt. xxi. 31.