# Advice to Young Ladies/Chapter 5

Chapter V.
Domestic and culinary Affairs.
A brief allusion has already been made to domestic duties. But their importance requires some more particular reference. At the outset, it may be as well to notice a singular, but very prevalent error, which has, strangely enough, crept into the minds of a great many, especially those who have acquired some literary taste, and have imbibed the modes of thinking of a certain philosophical school of literary ladies. This error lies in the notion that there is something in domestic duties, that, if not actually degrading to a refined and intelligent woman, is rather below the plane of her true social sphere. The consequence is, that to housekeepers, and nurses, and cooks, are given up, not only the actual doing of all that pertains to the household economy; but their intelligence, such as it is, and their government, pervade the whole, instead of the intelligence and government of the true mistress and head of the family.
Men who not only see, but deeply feel, the evils arising from this error, and who strongly ​condemn it, are accused of wishing to degrade woman into the condition of a mere household drudge. But this is altogether a false issue. A household drudge, and a woman who rightly governs in her own family, are very different. But it is not to be concealed that no woman can properly govern in her family, and lead a life of idleness. The one is incompatible with the other. She can no more do it than a man can carry on his business successfully without industry and attention. To prepare himself to do this, a man has, early in life, to spend years in attaining to a full and practical knowledge of that calling in life by which he expects to sustain himself and all who may be dependent on him; and the same must be true of every woman. Her sphere of use is in the domestic and home circle, and she must pass through a like course of preparation, or she will be no more able to discharge her duties efficiently, when the time comes for her to assume them, than he would be to discharge his duties, if he were alike neglectful.
The simplest mode of viewing this matter may be, perhaps, in a comparison of what a man has to do in business and a woman at home, and to decide whether the one is more burdensome and less honorable than the other. We will take a ​storekeeper, for instance—a grocer or a dry goods’ dealer. He has served, in the first place, an apprenticeship at the business, industriously working with his hands, as well as with his mind, for one, two, three, or four years. At length, he goes into business for himself, and, after a few years, takes a wife, and makes her the mistress of his household. His business we will suppose to be successful. This being the case, we know that he must diligently attend to it, and give it the strength of his very best thoughts. Early in the morning, he goes to his store, and there he remains through the day, except when called out on business, or during a brief intermission of his duties for dinner. He stands at his counter, and serves out his goods to his customers; he looks over his accounts, and sees that all is done correctly; he carefully watches the markets, in order to buy with safety. In fact, all the powers of his mind and body are devoted to his business. He knows that there is no other way of success. If he were to pause to take his ease, or to think about the drudgery of his life, he knows too well that all would be in danger,—that he would be unable to secure, for those best beloved by him, the comforts he now brings into his household.
Now, is it requiring too much of the wife of ​such a man—is it degrading her into a household drudge—to ask her to see that, when he comes home wearied from his store, his meals are in time, and well and healthily cooked?—to ask her to think of his comfort, and to even work some with her hands to secure for him this comfort, if it can be done in no other way? Does she degrade herself by consulting his appetite, for instance, and seeking to gratify him by having something on the table that she knows will please him? or by seeing that order and comfort are in all parts of her household? We cannot believe that any woman truly loves her husband, who leaves all these matters to the cook or the housekeeper. What do they know of his peculiar tastes, or, knowing, care? They do their part for hire; but she should do her part for love, and love is ever seeking some new mode of blessing its object.
How there is any thing more degrading in making up and baking a loaf of bread, for instance, or in thinking about and giving directions for a dinner, than in selling goods over the counter, is something inconceivable to us. False, indeed, are her ideas of life, who can see any degrading distinctions here. In matters of this kind, our modern ladies have reached a degree of refinement far in advance of the ladies ​of former times, whose chief pride consisted in their being thoroughly acquainted with every branch. of household economy. Nor were they less intelligent than those of the present day, who eschew these things as below them.
In order that she may be qualified to act well her part in life, a young lady should acquire a thorough knowledge of all domestic and culinary affairs, so that, even if she should never be required by circumstances to go into the kitchen to cook a dinner, she will yet be able to give directions how to do it, and know when it is properly done. No one knows what a day may bring forth. Life is a scene of perpetual changes. We have known ladies who have been raised in entire freedom from labor, suddenly reduced to poverty, and compelled, for a time, to do what might well be called household drudgery, or see their husbands and children subjected to the severest privations. And even where no such reverse, but only a change from one section of the country to another, has taken place, the necessity for a practical knowledge of every thing pertaining to housekeeping is frequently found to exist.
A very beautiful and delicately-raised girl was married, not long since, to a young man on the ​eve of his departure, with a stock of goods, to a small but thriving town in the west. Her parents were in moderate circumstances; but she was their only daughter, and they had raised her most tenderly. Every dollar that could be spared was expended on her education. The highest accomplishments were sought for her. At the time of her marriage, she was a young, slender, sylph-like creature, that looked as if time had never showered any thing but blossoms on her head. She could dance with the grace of a fairy, perform with great skill upon the piano, harp, or guitar, and sing exquisitely. But she knew as little about housekeeping as a boy just let loose from school.
A few weeks after their marriage, the young couple started for their new home in the west. On arriving there, they found a little village of three or four hundred inhabitants, in which was a stage-house, or tavern, kept by a drunken Irishman. At this house they were compelled to stay for two or three weeks, until their furniture arrived. There was no other boarding-place in the village. By the time their furniture was received, they had rented the only vacant house there was. This was a small frame tenement, containing four rooms, two below and two above. It stood alone, on the outskirts of the ​village. Without, all was cheerless enough. The yard contained about an eighth of an acre, and was enclosed by a post and rail fence. There was upon it no tree nor shrub; but plenty of rubbish from the house, which had just been built. Inside, every thing was as meagre and common as could well be. There were windows, but no shutters; rooms, but no closets; walls, but no paper—not even whitewash. All was as brown and coarse as when it came from the hands of the plasterer. The young bride shed many tears in prospect of being compelled to occupy so miserable and lonely a place, and the young husband was made to feel as wretched as could well be, in consequence.
At length their furniture arrived; but there were no upholsterers to make and put down the carpets. Nor could any body, with the ability to ply a needle, be obtained, in the village, to do the work. After various efforts and inquiries on the subject, the bride was coolly told by a plain-spoken matron, that she guessed she would have to make her carpet herself, adding, “People in these ’ere parts have to help themselves.” The making and putting down of carpets was more serious work than she had been used to, or ever thought of doing. But it was out of the question to think of living on bare floors; so, ​after taking a good hearty cry to herself, she went to work, and, after two or three days of steady application, got the carpets made and tacked down. It is not to be denied that some of the figures were a long ways from matching, and that a number of rough places in the seams attested the young lady’s want of skill in such matters. But the work was done, after a fashion, and that was a good deal. The bedsteads were then put up, the furniture arranged, and the young couple took possession of their new home.
But here a new and undreamed-of difficulty arose. A servant could not be had for love nor money. There was not a woman in the village who had any help, unless she were fortunate enough to have a grown-up daughter, a niece, or an unmarried sister living with her.
“What am I to do?” asked the bride in despair, after she fully understood the disabilities with which housekeeping was to be attended. “I can’t cook and do all the work about the house. I never got a meal’s victuals in my life.”
“We can go back to the tavern and continue boarding, I suppose,” said the young husband, uttering what he did with great reluctance; for the accommodations at the stage-house were little better than no accommodations at all.
​“I wouldn’t be paid to stay another night in that house,” was the quick reply. “The worst fare we can have here will be better than going back to that wretched place.”
“I fully agree with you,” said the husband. “Bread and water here would be preferable to the richest food there. Try and do the best you can, and I will help you all I know how. It would be a pity, it seems to me, if two young people, with health, and the means of living as we have, could not take care of themselves.”
So it seemed to the young wife; but, then, how was she to do at all? She could make a cup of tea, but that was about the most she could do. As to baking a loaf of bread, she knew no more about doing it than if she had never heard of bread; and the cooking of meat, or the making of pies or puddings, were mysteries of the culinary art far beyond her comprehension.
The attempt to buy bread for the first meal proved unavailing. There was no baker yet in the village. The effort to beg or borrow was more successful. The young man called in at the house of their nearest neighbor, and frankly stated his difficulty. The woman to whom he applied understood the position of the young couple in a moment. She was of the ​better sort, and not only supplied them with a couple of large fresh loaves of good bread, but promised to step over in the morning, and give the inexperienced bride some little instruction in household affairs. She was as good as her word, and her young scholar was quite an apt one. The situation in which the latter found herself so unexpectedly placed caused her to reflect upon and to be ashamed of her deficiencies. She had spent years in the acquirement of various branches of information, many of them little better than useless; but not one of them was now available in this her first essay in life. Her education had been confined almost entirely to the ornamental, while the useful had been totally neglected. She had married, and commenced the world with her husband. He was fully prepared to do his part, but she was entirely deficient in ability to do hers. But she had the merit of possessing a fair proportion of common sense; had some quickness of perception; and, being willing to do the best she could, was not long, under the kind instruction of her neighbor, in acquiring a very fair knowledge of housekeeping. For six months, she did all her own cooking, baking, washing, and ironing. There was no help for it; unless she did it, it would have to remain undone. After that, she ​was fortunate enough to obtain a good domestic, brought from the East by her husband, when he went on to purchase goods.
A little previous instruction in housekeeping affairs would have saved this person from a good deal of mortification, trouble, and perplexity.
A friend of ours, remarkable for his strong good sense, married a very accomplished and fashionable young lady, attracted more by her beauty and accomplishments than by any thing else. In this, it must be owned that his strong good sense did not seem very apparent. His wife, however, proved to be a very excellent companion, and was deeply attached to him, though she still loved company, and spent more time abroad than he exactly approved. But, as his income was good, and his house furnished with a full supply of domestics, he was not aware of any abridgments of comfort on this account, and he therefore made no objection to it.
One day, some few months after his marriage, our friend, on coming home to dinner, saw no appearance of his usual meal, but found his wife in great trouble instead.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
“Nancy went off at ten o’clock this morning,” replied his wife, “and the chamber-maid knows ​no more about cooking a dinner than the man in the moon.”
“Couldn’t she have done it under your direction?” inquired the husband, very coolly.
“Under my direction? Goodness! I should like to see a dinner cooked under my direction.”
“Why so?” asked the husband in surprise. “You certainly do not mean that you cannot cook a dinner.”
“I certainly do, then,” replied his wife. “How should I know any thing about cooking?”
The husband was silent, but his look of astonishment perplexed and worried his wife.
“You look very much surprised,” she said, after a moment or two had elapsed.
“And so I am,” he answered, “as much surprised as I should be at finding the captain of one of my ships unacquainted with navigation. Don’t know how to cook, and the mistress of a family! Jane, if there is a cooking school any where in the city, go to it, and complete your education, for it is deficient in a very important particular.”
The wife was hurt and offended at the words and manner of her husband; but she soon got over this. The next time the cook went away, there was no trouble about the dinner.
​Under ordinary circumstances, a woman whose husband enjoys a moderate income has no need to do much in the way of cooking; but as most of the domestics to be obtained know very little about this very important branch of household economy, it is absolutely necessary that the mistress of a family should herself be able to give the most particular directions on the subject—should, in fact, know how to cook every dish ordinarily served upon the table. But there are occasions when to no second hand should be delegated the task of preparing certain articles of food. We now allude to sickness. No hand but the hand of a wife should prepare the good of her husband when he is sick; and no hand but the hand of a mother, the food of her child. A remembrance of the badly-prepared, tasteless food, which almost every woman has had served to her, in sickness, from her own cook, will be felt as a sufficient reason for this declaration. To cook for the sick requires an experienced hand. A woman who knows nothing at all about cooking will fail entirely in the attempt, and if her husband be sick, he will be fortunate, indeed, if he can take more than a few spoonfuls of the tea, or a few morsels of the toast, that is brought to his bedside as he begins to convalesce.
If for no other purpose, a young lady should ​learn the art of cooking, in order that she may be able to prepare the food of her parent, her brother, her sister, or, at some future time, the food of her husband, when sick. This may seem a little matter. But no one who has been sick will think it so.
This subject is one that admits of a great deal more being said on it than we have brought forward. Enough to cause every thinking young woman to reflect seriously on its importance, has, however, been introduced. It must not be inferred that we would shut every woman up, a prisoner in her house, and cause her to devote every hour of her time to domestic duties. All we contend for is, that a woman should govern in her household, as fully as a man governs in his store, office, counting-room, manufactory, or workshop, and that, in order to do this, she should qualify herself beforehand for her particular duties, as he has to qualify himself for his.