# The Covent-Garden Journal/Number 5

SATURDAY, JANUARY 18, 1752. Numb. 5.
       Nostrisque ductum seditionibus
       Bellum resedit ----
                   HOR.
Paraphrased.
    The War, I thank Fortune, is now at an End,
    Since I scarce could distinguish my Foe from my Friend.
    THERE never was a Peace so wholesome and advantageous to any Country, but that some Persons who have found or proposed to themselves certain Emoluments from the Continuance of the War, have openly dared to censure and malign it.
    I do not wonder, therefore, to find that the Peace, which I have lately concluded with the Low Republic, is not received by all my Readers with universal Approbation. One of my Correspondents, in a Rage, asserts that it was base and cowardly; a second declares, that he would have made no Peace while a Single Drop of his Ink had remained; and a third, with a very grave and political Air, assures me, that the Enemy was brought to such a State of Distress, and so torn with intestine Broils, there being scars two Members of the Republic who do not heartily hate each other, and had the War continued but one Campaign, I might have obtained what Concessions I would have asked, or might have extirpated the whole Race of Grub-Street for ever.
    But, notwithstanding these Opinions, all which I am well persuaded have many Supporters, I do assert, that this Peace was made by me, from very solid and substantial Reasons; and I doubt not but that after-Ages, when Party and Prejudice shall subside; when the Reason of Things, and not private Views, shall lead Mens' Judgments, this Peace will be reckoned as wise a Measure as was ever concerted in the Cabinet; indeed a Master-Piece (or as the Enemy* calls it, a Coup de Maitre) in Politics.
    Nor is the Interest, which many good People proposed to themselves in the Continuance of the War, so great a Secret to me, as some may imagine. Sorry am I to say, that their own Diversion, and not the general good of the allied Cause, is at the Bottom of their Hearts. So powerful is the Love of Laughter in depraved Minds, that they care not what nor whom they sacrifice to its Gratification. The too general Prevalency of this Disposition hath been, in all Times, of Infinite Service to Grub-Street. Had Mankind, indeed, restrained this Inclination within proper Rules, and had refused to indulge it at the Expence of common Sense and common Humanity, the Name of Grub-Street, would have long since been obliterated out of the Memory of Man.
    To such Gentlemen as these I shall offer no Arguments; but to all my sober and sensible Readers, to all, in short, who know how to be merry and wise I am convinced I shall appear to have acted very prudently in putting an End to the late War almost on any Terms.
    First, it was a War in which nothing but dry Blows could be obtained on my Side; whilst the Enemy had much to hope, and as little to fear. In such a Case, notwithstanding any Superiority of Force, the wisest Measures must tend towards a Pacification.
    Secondly, The unfair Methods made use of by the Enemy, are a second Reason for concluding a Peace. This may be illustrated by a familiar Instance; Mr. Sherlock is, I believe, justly allowed to be superior to all Europe in the Skill of the Broad Sword; but what would this Skill avail him against a number of Blunderbusses? might he not, without any Blemish to his Courage or his Skill, retreat from such an Enemy; when these Blunderbusses were moreover loaded with ragged Bullets; and when like the poisoned Arrows of the wild Indians, they were discharged at him from lurking Holes and Places of Security?
    Again, who but a Mad-man would engage with an Enemy that is invulnerable! And this, however strange it appears, was, in Reality, the Case: For several of the Enemy, as we are well assured, did in certain Skirmishes with our Forces, receive such Blows on their Heads with the sharpest Weapons, as must have proved fatal to any common Man; but to our great Surprize we found that they were not in the least hurt by these Blows, that many did not feel them, and some did even declare they were never hit. In real Truth, as Grass escapes the Scythe by being low, a Man may escape the sharpest Satire by the same means: For Ridicule may bring any Person into Contempt; but what is already the Object of our Contempt, can never be raised to be the proper Object of Ridicule.
    And beside these Discouragements, I had some little Reason to suspect whether I should have fair Play in the Contest. It is the Advice of Machiavel, that when two Parties are at Variance in a City, you should side with the weakest, in order to foment and continue the War. This is a Rule in Politics, which Men are naturally enough inclined to follow; when a Superior and Inferior ingage, the World, as well as the Mob, are apt to side with the latter; and therefore, when the comic Writer says, 'There is nothing so moving as a great Man in Distress:' I suppose he means, there is nothing so apt to move Laughter.
    I might, however, be contented to indulge this risible Inclination in my Readers, at the Expence of having all the abusive Words in the English Language discharged at me, had I no other Objection; but this would too much interrupt the Design of my Paper; which, if the Public will grant me but a little of their Patience, will, I hope, appear to be much nobler than that of diverting them, by sacrificing two, or three poor Writers to their Mirth. However vain or romantic the Attempt may seem, I am sanguine enough to aim at serving the noble Interests of Religion, Virtue, and good Sense, by these my Lucubrations.
    To effect so glorious a Purpose, I know no readier a Way than by an Endeavour to restore that true and manly Taste, which hath, within these few Years, degenerated in these Kingdoms. A Degeneracy which hath been greatly owing to those base and scandalous Writings, which the Press hath lately poured in such a Torrent upon us, that the Name of an Author is, in the Ears of all good Men, become almost an infamous Appellation. Religion, Virtue, Modesty, Decency, and the Characters of some of the best of Men, have been all violated by these Writings; insomuch, that when we consider the Impressions which young Minds are apt to conceive from Books, the very learning to read seems a dangerous Part of a Child's Education.
    Against Works of this Kind was the jocose War declared, and against such Works, Ridicule was surely no hard nor immoderate Weapon. It was not my Intention to attack the Character of any Person; and if I have been once provoked to so disagreeable an Excess, no Provocation shall again hurry me so far. Vice and Folly, and not particular Men, will be the Objects of Satire in this Paper; and if any Man blushes when he reads it, he shall have the Pleasure of imputing it to his own Grace, and not to the Malignity of the Writer.
    There is no Precept in the whole Christian Religion which is less a Stumbling-Block in my Way, than that which forbids us to take Vengeance on our Enemies; and I can, with great Truth, declare, that I do not at this Instant, wish Ill to any Man living. Indeed, if a Sentiment which I heard drop from the late Mr. Pope be true, That Nature never produced a more venemous Animal than a BAD AUTHOR, I am sure that I want, at least, one Ingredient in that Character.
    And as Nothing is less agreeable to my own Disposition than private Abuse, so Nothing is more foreign to the Plan of this Paper. When Hercules undertook to cleanse the Stables of Augeas, (a Work not much unlike my present Undertaking) should any little Clod of Dirt, more filthy perhaps, than all the rest, have chanced to bedawb him, how unworthy his Spirit would it have been, to have polluted his Hands, by seizing the dirty Clod, and crumbling it to Pieces. He should have known that such Accidents are incident to such an Undertaking: which, though both a useful and heroic Office, was yet none of the cleanliest; since no Man, I believe, ever removed great Quantities of Dirt from any Place, without finding some of it sticking to his Skirts.
      * By the 14th Article of the Treaty of Covent-Garden, the Importation of French Words and Phrases in English Writings is declared to be the sole Right of Grub-Street.
    At a Court of Censorial Enquiry now held
       this 18th of January, 1752. before the
       truly respectable Sir ALEXANDER DRAW-
       CANSIR, Knt. Censor of Great-Britain.
    THE Court was opened by the Censor, with a very learned and elegant Speech; setting forth the great Antiquity, and Usefulness of this Court, and the many Inconveniences which had attended the Society by the long Discontinuance; but as he hath been pleased to give the Public much of this Substance of this Speech in his Essay of To-day, we will not here transcribe it at large.
    The Court then came to several Resolutions.
    First, It was resolved, That it of Right belongs to this Court to hear, and determine, all manner of Causes, which in anywise related to the Republic of Letters. To examine, try, recommend, or condemn, all Books, and Pamphlets, of whatever Size, or on whatever Subject.
    Secondly, That it is at the Discretion of this Court to pass any of the following Sentences on such Book, of Pamphlet, as shall, after a full and fair Hearing, be judged worthy of Condemnation; that is to say, 1. To be imprisoned on the Shelf, or in the Warehouse of the Bookseller. 2. To be immediately converted into waste Paper. 3. To be burnt by the Hands of the common Hangman, or by those of some common Publisher of Scandal, which are, perhaps, much the more infamous.
    Thirdly, That, after any such Judgment passed by this Court, it shall not be lawful for any Person whatever, to purchase, or read, the said Book, or Pamphlet, under the Penalty of being considered as in Contempt.
    Fourthly, For the more easy carrying on our Design of examining all Books which shall, from Time to Time, be made public, it is ordered, that all Booksellers do, previous to their publishing, or vending, any Book, or Pamphlet, present unto our Clerk in Court, for our Use, one fair Copy of all such Books, and Pamphlets; and that (in Case it be a Book) the same be well bound and gilt, and do contain, in gilt Letters on the Back, the Name, or Title, of the said Book.
    Fifthly, Resolved, That both the Theatres, and all other Places of Diversion and Resort, are under our Protection; and every thing which passes at any of these, is subject to our Cognizance and Jurisdiction. For which Reason, we do most earnestly and seriously recommend to all our trusty and well beloved People to send us immediate Notice of any Misconduct or Misbehaviour that shall happen in any of the Managers of these Places of Diversion, or in any of the Performers or Spectators.
    Sixthly, Resolved, That all Places of general Rendezvous tho' at a private House, shall be deemed public Places, and the Masters and Mistresses of all such Houses shall be considered in the same Light as the Managers of our public Theatres; and shall be equally subject to the Jurisdiction of this Court.
    Seventhly, Whereas, by the Statute of Good-Breeding, the wearing a Hat in the Boxes, at the Play-House, before or behind the Ladies, is a very great Offence, that swearing or talking loud, is, likewise, under very severe Penalty forbidden by the said Statute; all our Officers in the Pit are strictly charged to see the said Law carried into vigorous Execution.
    Eighthly, In the Statute of Gallantry, are these Words, 'Provided that for the future, a fierce Cock of the Hat be not considered as any Mark of Valour in any Person whatever save only in Attorney's Clerks, Apprentices, Gamblers, and Bullies': Resolved, therefore, that it shall be lawful for any honest and sober Man, at all Times to remove all such Hats from the Blocks on which they are displayed, with absolute Impunity, saying to the said Clerks their antient Right.
    Ninthly, Resolved, That laughing, grinning, whispering, and staring Modesty out of Countenance, are to be reputed Wit in any Ale-House, and at Sadler's Wells; but at no other Place whatsoever.
    Tenthly, Resolved, That to give an Affront or Offence at any public Place, to sober and grave Persons, to the Ladies, or to the Clergy, is a very high Crime and Misdemeanor, strictly forbidden by the Laws of Decency; and whoever is convicted thereof, will be struck out of the Order of Gentlemen, at the next Inquisition to be taken of that order.
Adjourned.