# The Covent-Garden Journal/Number 3

SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1752. Numb. 3.
    Majores nusquam Rhonchi; Juvenesque, Senesque,
    Et Pueri Nasum Rhinocerotis habent.
                   Martial.
In English
No Town can such a Gang of Critics shew, Ev'n Boys turn up that Nose they cannot blow.
    BY a Record in the Censors Office, and now in my Custody, it appears, that at a censorial Inquisition, taken Tricesimo qto. Eliz. by one of my illustrious Predecessors, no more than 19 Critics were entrolled in the Cities of London and Westminster; whereas at the last Inquisition taken by myself, 25°. Geo. 2di. the Number of Persons claiming a Right to that Order, appears to amount to 276302.
    This immense Encrease is, I believe, to be no otherwise accounted for, than from the very blameable Negligence of the late Censors, who have, indeed, converted their Office into a mere Sinecure, no Inquisition, as I can find, having been taken since the Censorship of Isaac Bickerstaffe, Esq; in the latter End of the Reign of Queen Anne.
    To the same Neglect are owing many Encroachments on all the other Orders of the Society. That of Gentlemen in particular, I observe to have greatly increased, and that of Sharpers to have decreased in the same Proportion within these few Years.
    All these Irregularities it is my firm Purpose to endeavour at reforming, and to restore the high Office with which I am invested to its ancient Use and Dignity. This, however, must be attempted with Prudence and by slow Degrees: For habitual and inveterate Evils are to be cured by slow Alteratives, and not by violent Remedies. Of this the good Emperor Pertinax will be a lasting Example. "This worthy Man" (says Dion Cassius) "perished by endeavouring too hastily to reform all the Evils which infested his Country. He knew not, it seems, tho' otherwise a Man of very great Knowledge, that it is not safe, nor indeed possible, to effect a Reformation in too many Matters at once. A Rule which, if it holds true in private Life, is much more so when it is applied to those Evils that affect the Public."
    I thought it, therefore, not prudent, in the Hurry of my above Inquisition to make any Exceptions, but admitted all who offered to be enrolled. This is a Method which I shall not pursue hereafter, being fully resolved to enquire into the Qualifications of every Pretender.
    And that all Persons may come prepared to prove their Right to the Order of Critics, I shall here set down those several Qualifications which will be insisted on before any will be admitted to that high Honour. In doing this, however, I shall strictly pursue the excellent Rule I have cited, and shall act with most perfect Moderation; for I am willing to throw open the Door as wide as I can, so that as few as possible may be rejected.
    It is, I think, the Sentiment of Quinctillian, that no Man is capable of becoming a good Critic on a great Poet, but he who is himself a great Poet. This would, indeed, confine the Critics on Poetry, at least, to a very small Number; and would, indeed, strike all the Antients, except only Horace and Longinus off the Roll; of the latter of whom, tho' he was no Poet, Mr. Pope finely says,
          Thee, great Longinus, all the Nine inspire,
          And bless their Critic with a Poet's Fire.
    But with Respect to so great a Name as that of Quinctillian, this Rule appears to me much too rigid. It seems, indeed, to be little less severe than an Injunction that no Man should criticize on Cookery but he who was himself a Cook.
    To require what is generally called Learning in a Critic, is altogether as absurd as to require Genius. Why should a Man in this Case, any more than in all others, be bound by any Opinions but his own? Or why should he read by Rule any more than eat by it? If I delight in a Slice of Bullock's Liver or of Oldmixon, why shall I be confined to Turtle or to Swift?
    The only Learning, therefore, that I insist upon, is, That my Critic BE ABLE TO READ; and this is surely very reasonable: For I do not see how he can otherwise be called a Reader: and if I include every Reader in the Name of Critic, it is surely very just to confine every Critic within the Number of Readers.
    Nor do I only require the Capacity of Reading, but the actual Exercise of that Capacity; I do here strictly forbid any Persons whatever to pass a definitive Sentence on a Book BEFORE THEY HAVE READ AT LEAST TEN PAGES IN IT, under the Penalty of being for ever rendered incapable of Admission to the Order of Critics.
    Thirdly, all Critics who from and after the First Day of February next, shall condemn any Book, shall be ready to give some Reason for their Judgment: Nor shall it be sufficient for such Critic to drivel out, I don't know not I, but all that I know is, I don't like it. Provided, nevertheless, that any Reason how foolish or frivolous soever, shall be allowed a good and full Justification; except only the Words POOR STUFF, WRETCHED STUFF, BAD STUFF, SAD STUFF LOW STUFF, PAULTRY STUFF. All which STUFFS I do forever banish from the Mouths of all Critics.
    Provided also, that the last-mentioned Clause do extend only to such Critics as openly proclaim their Censures; for it is our Intention, that all Persons shall be at Liberty to dislike privately, whatever Book they please, without understanding, or reading one Word of it, any Thing therein or herein contained to the contrary notwithstanding.
    But as it is reasonable to extend this Power of judging for themselves, no farther in this Case of Criticism, than it is allowed to Men in some others, I do here declare, that I shall not, for the future, admit any Males to the Office of Criticism till they be of the full Age of 18, that being the Age when the Laws allow them to have a Capacity of disposing personal Chattles: for, before that Time, they have only the Power of disposing of themselves in the trifling Article of Marriage. Females, perhaps, I shall admit somewhat earlier, provided they be either witty or handsome, or have a Fortune of 5000 l. and upwards.
    Together with Childhood, I exclude all other civil Incapacities; and here I mean not only legal but real Lunatics, and Ideots. In this Number I include all Persons who, from the whole Tenour of their Conduct, appear to be incapable of discerning Good from Bad, Right from Wrong, or Wisdom from Folly, in any Instance whatever.
    There are again some Persons whom I shall admit only to a partial Exercise of this Office; as, for Instance, Rakes, Beaux, Sharpers, and fine Ladies, are strictly forbidden, under Penalty of perpetual Exclusion, to presume to criticise on any Works of Religion, or Morality. All Lawyers, Physicians, Surgeons, and Apothecaries, are strictly forbidden to pass any Judgment on those Authors who attempt any Reformation in Law, or Physic. Officers of State, and wou'd-be Officers of State, (honest Men only excepted,) with all their Attendants, and Dependents, their Placemen, and wou'd-be Placemen, Pimps, Spies, Parasites, Informers, and Agents, are forbidden, under Penalty aforesaid, to give their Opinions on any Work in which the Good of the Kingdom, in general, is designed to be advanced; but as for all Pamphlets which are anywise concern the great Cause of WOODALL OUT, and TAKEALL IN, Esqs; full Liberty is left to both Parties, and the one may universally cry up, and commend, and the other may universally censure and condemn, as usual. All Critics offending against this Clause, are to be deemed infamous, and their several Criticisms are hereby declared to be entirely void, and of none Effect.
    No Author is to be admitted into the Order of Critics, until he hath read over, and understood, Aristotle, Horace, and Longinus, in their original Language; nor then without a Testimonial that he hath spoken well of some living Author besides himself.
    Lastly, all Persons are forbid, under Penalty of our own highest Displeasure, to presume to criticise upon any of those Works with which WE OURSELVES shall think proper to oblige the Public; and any Person who shall presume to offend in this Particular, will not only be expunged from the Roll of Critics, but will be degraded from any other Order to which he shall belong; and his Name will be forthwith entered in the Records of Grub-Street.
                                                    ALEXANDER DRAWCANSIR
The JOURNAL of the present PAPER WAR.
    YESTERDAY Morning arrived at our Head Quarters David Garrick, and James Lacy, Esqs; and, after only an Hour and half's Waiting, in the Anti-chamber, they had both the Honour to be admitted into the General's Presence, and very humbly presented him with the Keys of their Theatre. The General presently returned them again into the Hands of Mr. Garrick, and was pleased to say they had never been deposited in so proper a Manner.
    The General said many kind Things to Mr. Garrick, whom he declared to be, in his Belief, the best Actor in the World could have ever produced. His Excellency then enquired after Mr. Woodward, and spoke very highly in his Commendation. He was pleased likewise to speak much in Favour of Mrs. Clive, and Mrs. Pritchard; but dwelt principally on the Praises of Miss Bellamy, who was, he said, not only one of the best Actresses, but one of the finest Women of her Age. 'I think,' said he, smiling, 'if I had the same Trial of my Virtue which Scipio once had, and Miss Bellamy was the Object, I should act in the same Manner; but I fear I should do it with more Reluctance.'
    Mr. Garrick and Mr. Lacy were then dismissed, both appearing to be highly satisfied with the obliging Reception which they had found; and they seemed to hug themselves greatly with the Re-possession of their Keys, without so much as the Exaction of any Tribute from them.
    The General then expressed some Wonder, that Mr. Rich had not yet made his Appearance; but was informed, that he was unluckily shut up in the Bedford Coffee House. 'Time when he could have leaped out at any Window of the House; sed FUIT Ilium.' His Excellency then said many kind Things of Mr. Rich, and of his surprizing Genius in the Pantomime Art; and declared, that, if he would exert his Genius that Way, he would be ready to take him under his Protection; 'but,' added he, 'though Mr. Barry and Mrs. Cibber have both their Merit, I fear, in Plays, that House will never be able to contend with the other.'
    It being reported to the General that a HILL must be levelled before the Bedford Coffee House could be taken, Orders were given accordingly; but this was afterwards found to be a Mistake, a second Express assuring us, that this HILL was only a little paultry DUNGHILL and had long before been levelled with Dirt. The General was then informed of a Report which had been spread by his Lowness the Prince of Billingsgate, in the Grub-Street Army, that his Excellency had proposed by a secret Treaty with that Prince, to carry on the War only in Appearance, against him, and so to betray the common Cause; upon which his Excellency said with a Smile, If the Betrayer of a private Treaty could ever deserve the least Credit, yet his Lowness here must proclaim himself either a Liar, or a Fool. None can doubt but that he is the former, if he hath feigned this Treaty, and I think few would scruple to call him the latter, if he had rejected it. The General then declared that the Fact stood thus: His Lowness, said he, came to my tent on an Affair of his own. I treated him, though a Commander in the Enemy's Camp, with Civility, and even Kindness. I told him, with the utmost good Humour, I should attack his Lion; and that he might, if he pleased, in the same Manner, defend him: from which, said I, no great Loss can happen to either Side. This, the General declared, was all that past, and added, with a little more Bitterness than is usual to him, that his Lowness was not only among the meanest of those who ever drew a Pen, but was absolutely the vilest Fellow that ever wore a Head.
(To be continued.)