# Alice in Wonderland in Words of One Syllable/Chapter 6

CHAPTER VI.
PIG AND PEP-PER.
The Fish-Foot-man took from un-der his arm a great ​let-ter and hand-ed it to the oth-er and said in a grave tone "For the Duch-ess; from the Queen." The Frog-Foot-man said in the same grave tone, "From the Queen, for the Duch-ess." Then they both bowed so low that their heads touched each oth-er.
All this made Al-ice laugh so much that she had to run back to the wood for fear they would hear her, and when she next peeped out the Fish-Foot-man was gone, and the oth-er sat on the ground near the door and stared up at the sky.
Al-ice went up to the door and knocked.
"There's no sort of use for you to knock," said the Foot-man, "I'm on the same side of the door that you are, and there is so much noise in the room that no one could hear you." There was, in-deed, a great noise in the house—a howl-ing and sneez-ing, with now and then a great crash, as if a dish or a pot had been bro-ken to piec-es.
"Please, then," said Al-ice, "how am I to get in?"
"There might be some sense in your knock-ing," the Foot-man went on, "if we were not both on the same side of the door. If you were in the room, you might knock and I could let you out, you know." He looked up at the sky all the time he was speak-ing, which Al-ice thought was quite rude. "But per-haps he can't help it," she thought, "his eyes are so near the top of his head. Still he might tell me what I ask him—How am I to get in?" she asked.
"I shall sit here," the Foot-man said, "till to-mor-row—"
​Just then the door of the house flew o-pen and a large plate skimmed out straight at his head; it just grazed his nose and broke on one of the trees near him. "—or next day, may-be," he went on in the same tone as if he had not seen the plate.
"How am I to get in?" Al-ice asked as loud as she could speak.
"Are you to get in at all?" he said. "That's the first thing, you know."
It was, no doubt; but Al-ice didn't like to be told so.
The Foot-man seemed to think this a good time to say a-gain, "I shall sit here on and off, for days and days."
"But what am I to do?" said Al-ice.
​"Do what you like," he said.
"Oh, there's no use to try to talk to him," said Al-ice; "he has no sense at all." And she o-pened the door and went in.
The door led right in-to a large room that was full of smoke from end to end: the Duch-ess sat on a stool and held a child in her arms; the cook stood near the fire and stirred a large pot which seemed to be full of soup.
"There's too much pep-per in that soup!" Al-ice said to her-self as well as she could for sneez-ing. There was too much of it in the air, for the Duch-ess sneezed now and then; and as for the child, it sneezed and howled all the time.
A large cat sat on the hearth grin-ning from ear to ear.
"Please, would you tell me," said Al-ice, not quite sure that it was right for her to speak first, "why your cat grins like that?"
"It's a Che-shire cat," said the Duch-ess, "and that's why. Pig!"
She said the last word so loud that Al-ice jumped; but she soon saw that the Duch-ess spoke to the child and not to her, so she went on:
"I didn't know that Che-shire cats grinned; in fact, I didn't know that cats could grin."
"They all can," said the Duch-ess; "and most of 'em do."
"I don't know of an-y that do," Al-ice said, quite pleased to have some one to talk with.
​"You don't know much," said the Duch-ess; "and that's a fact."
Al-ice did not at all like the tone in which this was said, and thought it would be as well to speak of some-thing else. While she tried to think of what to say, the cook took the pot from the fire, and at once set to work throw-ing things at the Duch-ess and the child—the tongs came first, then pots, pans, plates and cups flew thick and fast through the air. The Duch-ess did not seem to see them, e-ven when they hit her; and the child had howled so loud all the while, that one could not tell if the blows hurt it or not.
"Oh, please mind what you do!" cried Al-ice, as she jumped up and down in great fear, lest she should be struck.
"Hold your tongue," said the Duch-ess; then she be-gan a sort of song to the child, giv-ing it a hard shake at the end of each line.
At the end of the song she threw the child at Al-ice and said, "Here, you may nurse it a bit if you like; I must go and get read-y to play cro-quet with the Queen," and she left the room in great haste. The cook threw a pan after her as she went, but it just missed her.
Al-ice caught the child, which held out its arms and legs on all sides, "just like a star-fish," Al-ice thought. The poor thing snort-ed like a steam en-gine when she caught it, and turned a-bout so much, it was as much as she could do at first to hold it.
​As soon as she found out the right way to nurse it, (which was to twist it up in a sort of knot, then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot), she took it out in the fresh air. "If I don't take this child with me," thought Al-ice, "they're sure to kill it in a day or two; wouldn't it be wrong to leave it here?" She said the last words out loud, and the child grunt-ed (it had left off sneez-ing by this time). "Don't grunt," said Al-ice, "that is not at all the right way to do."
"Per-haps that was not a grunt, but a sob," and she looked to see if there were tears in its eyes.
No, there were no tears. "If you're go-ing to turn in-to a pig, my dear," said Al-ice, "I'll have no more to do with you. Mind now!" The poor thing sobbed once more (or grunted, Al-ice couldn't say which).
"Now, what am I to do with this thing when I get it home?" thought Al-ice. Just then it grunt-ed so loud that ​she looked down at its face with some fear. This time there could be no doubt a-bout it—it was a pig!
As she turned to walk on, she saw the Che-shire Cat on the bough of a tree a few yards off. The Cat grinned when it saw Al-ice. It looked like a good cat, she thought; still it had long claws and large teeth, so she felt she ought to be kind to it.
"Puss," said Al-ice, "would you please tell me which way I ought to walk from here?"
"That de-pends a good deal on where you want to go to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where——" said Al-ice.
"Then you need not care which way you walk," said the Cat.
"——so long as I get somewhere," Al-ice add-ed.
​"Oh, you're sure to do that if you don't stop," said the Cat.
Al-ice knew that this was true, so she asked: "What sort of peo-ple live near here?"
"In that way," said the Cat, with a wave of its right paw, "lives a Hat-ter; and in that way," with a wave of its left paw, "lives a March Hare. Go to see the one you like; they're both mad."
"But I don't want to go where mad folks live," said Al-ice.
"How do you know I'm mad!" asked Al-ice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Al-ice didn't think that proved it at all, but she went on; "and how do you know that you are mad?"
"First," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"
"Yes."
"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you know a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. ​Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm an-gry. So you see, I'm mad."
"I say the cat purrs; I do not call it a growl," said Al-ice.
"Call it what you like," said the Cat. "Do you play cro-quet with the Queen to-day?"
"I should like it, but I haven't been asked yet," said Al-ice.
"You'll see me there," said the Cat, then fa-ded out of sight.
Al-ice did not think this so queer as she was now used to strange things. While she still looked at the place where it had been, it came back a-gain, all at once.
"By-the-by, what be-came of the child?" it asked.
"It turned in-to a pig," Al-ice said.
"I thought it would," said the Cat, then once more fa-ded out of sight.
Al-ice wait-ed a while to see if it would come back, then walked on in the way in which the March Hare was said to live.
"I've seen Hat-ters," she said to her-self; "so I'll go to see the March Hare." As she said this, she looked up, and there sat the Cat on a branch of a tree.
"Did you say pig, or fig?" asked the Cat.
"I said pig; and I wish you wouldn't come and go, all at once, like you do; you make one quite gid-dy."
"All right," said the Cat; and this time it faded out in such a way that its tail went first, and the last thing Al-ice ​saw was the grin which stayed some time af-ter the rest of it had gone.
"Well, I've seen a cat with-out a grin," thought Al-ice; "but a grin with-out a cat! It's the strang-est thing I ev-er saw in all my life!"
She soon came in sight of the house of the March Hare; she thought it must be the right place, as the chim-neys were shaped like ears, and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like to go too near while she was so small; so she ate a small piece from the left-hand bit of mush-room, and raised her-self to two feet high. Then she walked up to the house, though with some fear lest it should be mad as the Cat had said.