# The Book of the Thousand Nights and One Night/The Tailor’s Story

Second-level story, contained in Story of the Hunchback. Contains The Barber’s Story, Story of the Barber’s First Brother, Story of the Barber’s Second Brother, Story of the Barber’s Third Brother, Story of the Barber’s Fourth Brother, Story of the Barber’s Fifth Brother, Story of the Barber’s Sixth Brother
THE TAILOR’S STORY.
Yesterday morning early I was at an entertainment given by a friend of mine, at which there were assembled near twenty men of the people of the city, amongst them ​tailors and silk-weavers and carpenters and other craftsmen. As soon as the sun had risen, they set food before us that we might eat, when behold, the master of the house entered, and with him a comely young man, a stranger from Baghdad, dressed in the finest of clothes and perfectly handsome, except that he was lame. He saluted us, while we rose to receive him; and he was about to sit down, when he espied amongst us a certain barber; whereupon he refused to sit and would have gone away. But we stopped him and the host seized him and adjured him, saying, “What is the reason of thy coming in and going out again at once?” “By Allah, O my lord,” answered he, “do not hinder me, for the cause of my turning back is yonder barber of ill-omen sitting there.” When the host heard this, he wondered and said, “How comes this young man, who is from Baghdad, to be troubled in his mind about this barber?” Then we looked at the young man and said to him, “Tell us the reason of thine anger against the barber.” “O company,” replied he, “there befell me a strange adventure with this barber in my native city of Baghdad; he was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my lameness, and I have sworn that I will never sit in the same place with him nor tarry in any city of which he is an inhabitant. I left Baghdad, to be rid of him, and took up my abode in this city and lo, I find him with you! But now not another night shall pass, before I depart hence.” So we begged him to sit down and tell us what had passed between him and the barber in Baghdad, whereat the latter changed colour and hung down his head. Then said the young man, “Know, O company, that my father was one of the chief merchants of Baghdad, and God had vouchsafed him no child but myself. When I grew up to man’s estate, my father was translated to the mercy of God, leaving me great wealth in money and slaves and ​servants, and I began to dress handsomely and feed daintily. Now God had made me a hater of women, and one day, as I was going along one of the streets of Baghdad, a company of women stopped the way before me; so I fled from them, and entering a by-street without an outlet, sat down upon a stone bench at the other end. I had not sat long, before the lattice of one of the houses in the street opened and a young lady, as she were the moon at its full, never in my life saw I her like, put forth her head and began to water some flowers she had on the balcony. Then she turned right and left and seeing me watching her, smiled and shut the window and went away. Therewithal, fire flamed up in my heart and my mind was taken up with her, and my hatred (of women) was changed to love. I continued sitting there, lost to the world, till sundown, when the Cadi of the city came riding up the street, with slaves before him and servants behind him, and alighting, entered the very house at which the young lady had appeared. By this I guessed that he was her father; so I went home, sorrowful, and fell on my bed, oppressed with melancholy thoughts. My women came in to me and sat round me, puzzled to know what ailed me; but I would not speak to them nor answer their questions, and they wept and lamented over me. Presently, in came an old woman, who looked at me and saw at once what was the matter with me. So she sat down at my head and spoke me fair and said, ‘O my son, tell me what ails thee, and I will bring thee to thy desire.’ So I told her what had happened to me, and she said, ‘O my son, this girl is the Cadi’s daughter of Baghdad; she is kept in strict seclusion, and the window at which thou sawest her is that of her apartment, where she dwells alone, her father occupying a great suite of rooms underneath. I often visit her, and thou shalt not come at her but through me; so gird thy middle and be of good ​cheer.’ So saying, she went away, whilst I took comfort at what she said and arose in the morning well, to the great satisfaction of my people. By-and-by the old woman came in, chopfallen, and said to me, ‘O my son, do not ask how I have fared with her! When I opened the subject to her, she said to me, “An thou leave not this talk, pestilent hag that thou art, I will assuredly use thee as thou deserves!” But needs must I have at her again.’ When I heard this, it added sickness to my sickness: but after some days, the old woman came again and said to me, ‘O my son, I must have of thee a present for good news.’ With this, life returned to me, and I said, ‘Whatever thou wilt is thine.’ Then said she, ‘O my son, I went yesterday to the young lady, who seeing me broken-spirited and tearful-eyed, said to me, “O my aunt, what ails thee that I see thy heart thus straitened?” Whereupon I wept and replied, “O my lady, I am just come from a youth who loves thee and is like to die for thy sake.” Quoth she (and indeed her heart was moved to pity), “And who is this youth of whom thou speakest?” “He is my son,” answered I, “and the darling of my heart. He saw thee, some days since, at the window, tending thy flowers, and fell madly in love with thee. I told him what passed between thee and me the other day, whereupon his disorder increased and he took to his bed and will surely die.” At this her colour changed and she said, “Is all this on my account?” “Yea, by Allah!” answered I. “What wouldst thou have me do?” Then said she, “Go back to him and salute him for me and tell him that my sufferings are twice as great as his. And on Friday, before the time of prayer, let him come hither and I will come down and open the door to him. Then I will carry him to my chamber, where we can converse awhile and he can go away, before my father comes back from the mosque.”’ When I heard this, my ​anguish ceased and my heart was comforted. So I took off the clothes I was wearing and gave them to the old woman; and she said, ‘Be of good cheer.’ ‘There is no pain left in me,’ answered I; and she went away. My household and friends rejoiced in my restoration to health, and I abode thus till Friday, when the old woman entered and asked me how I did, to which I replied that I was well and in good case. Then I dressed and perfumed myself and sat down to await the going in of the folk to the mosque, that I might betake myself to the young lady. But the old woman said to me, ‘Thou hast time and to spare; so thou wouldst do well to go to the bath and have thy head shaved, to do away the traces of thy disorder.’ ‘It is well thought,’ answered I; ‘I will first have my head shaved and then go to the bath.’ Then I said to my servant, ‘Go to the market and bring me a barber, and look that he be no meddler, but a man of sense, who will not split my head with his much talk.’ So he went out and returned with this wretched old man. When he came in, he saluted me, and I returned his salutation. Then said he, ‘Surely, I see thee thin of body.’ And I replied, ‘I have been ill.’ Quoth he, ‘God cause affliction and trouble and anxiety to depart from thee!’ ‘May God hear thy prayer!’ answered I: and he said, ‘Be of good cheer, O my lord, for indeed recovery is come to thee. Dost thou wish to be polled or let blood? Indeed, it is reported, on the authority of Ibn Abbas (whom God accept!), that the Prophet said, “Whoso is polled on a Friday, God shall avert from him threescore and ten diseases;” and again, “He who is cupped on a Friday is safe from loss of sight and a host of other ailments.”’ ‘Leave this talk,’ said I; ‘come, shave my head at once, for I am yet weak.’ With this he pulled out a handkerchief, from which he took an astrolabe with seven plates, mounted ​in silver, and going into the courtyard, held the instrument up to the sun’s rays and looked for some time. Then he came back and said to me, ‘Know that eight degrees and six minutes have elapsed of this our day, which is Friday, the tenth of Sefer, in the six hundred and fifty-third year of the Flight of the Prophet (upon whom be the most excellent of blessing and peace!) and the seven thousand three hundred and twentieth year of the Alexandrian era, and the planet now in the ascendant, according to the rules of mathematics, is Mars, which being in conjunction with Mercury, denotes a favourable time for cutting hair; and this also indicates to me that thou purposest to foregather with some one and that your interview will be propitious; but after this there occurs a sign, respecting a thing which I will not name to thee.’ ‘By Allah,’ exclaimed I, ‘thou weariest me and pesterest me with thy foolish auguries, when I only sent for thee to shave my head! So come, shave me at once and give me no more talk.’ ‘By Allah,’ rejoined he, ‘if thou knewest what is about to befall thee, thou wouldst do nothing this day; and I counsel thee to do as I shall tell thee, by observation of the stars.’ ‘By Allah,’ said I, ‘I never saw a barber skilled in astrology except thee: but I think and know that thou art prodigal of idle talk. I sent for thee to shave my head, and thou plaguest me with this sorry prate!’ ‘What more wouldst thou have!’ replied he. ‘God hath vouchsafed thee a barber, who is an astrologer, versed in the arts of alchemy and white magic, syntax, grammar and lexicology, rhetoric and logic, arithmetic, astronomy and geometry, as well as in the knowledge of the Law and the Traditions of the Prophet and in exegesis. Moreover, I have read many books and digested them and have had experience of affairs and understand them thoroughly. In short, I have examined into all things and studied all arts and crafts and sciences and mastered ​them; and thy father loved me because of my lack of officiousness, for which reason my service is obligatory on thee. I am no meddler, as thou pretendest, and on this account I am known as the Silent, the Grave One. Wherefore it behoves thee to give thanks to God and not cross me for I am a true counsellor to thee and take an affectionate interest in thee. I would I were in thy service a whole year, that thou mightst do me justice: and I would ask no hire of thee for this.’ When I heard this, I said, ‘Thou wilt certainly be the death of me this day!’Note xxx. ‘O my lord,’ replied he, ‘I am he whom the folk call the Silent, by reason of my few words, to distinguish me from my six brothers, the eldest of whom was called Becbac, the second Heddar, the third Fekic, the fourth El Kouz el Aswani, the fifth El Feshar, the sixth Shecashic and the seventh (myself) Samit.’ Whilst he thus overwhelmed me with his talk, I thought my gall-bladder would burst; so I said to the servant, ‘Give him a quarter-dinar and let him go, for God’s sake! I won’t have my head shaved to-day.’ ‘What words are these, O my lord?’ said he. ‘By Allah, I will take no hire of thee till I have served thee; and needs must I serve thee, for indeed it is incumbent on me to do so and fulfil thy need; and I care not if I take no money of thee. If thou knowest not my worth, I know thine; and I owe thy father (may God the Most High have mercy on him!) many a kindness, for he was a generous man. By Allah, he sent for me one day as it were this blessed day, and I went in to him and found a company of his friends with him. He would have had me let him blood; but I pulled out my astrolabe and taking an altitude for him, found the aspect inauspicious and the hour unfavourable for the letting of blood. I told him of this and he conformed to my advice ​and put off the operation to a more convenient season. So I recited the following verses in his honour:
I came one day unto my lord, that I might let him blood, But found that for his body’s health the season was not good; So sat me down and talked with him of many a pleasant thing And all the treasures of my mind before him freely strewed. Well pleased, he listened, then, “O mine of knowledge!” he did say, “Thy wit and wisdom overpass the bounds of likelihood!” “Not so,” quoth I; “my wit indeed were little, but for thee, O prince of men, that pour’st on me thy wisdom like a flood! Thou seem’st indeed the lord of grace, bounty and excellence, World’s treasure-house of knowledge, wit, sense and mansuetude!”
Thy father was charmed and cried out to the servant, saying, “Give him a hundred and three dinars and a dress of honour.” The servant did as he bade, and I waited till a favourable moment, when I let him blood; and he did not cross me, but thanked me, and all present also praised me. When the cupping was over, I could not help saying to him, “By Allah, O my lord, what made thee say to the servant, ‘Give him a hundred and three dinars’?” Quoth he, “One dinar was for the astrological observation, another for thine entertaining converse, the third for the blood-letting and the remaining hundred and the dress for thy verses in my honour.”’ ‘May God show no mercy to my father,’ exclaimed I, ‘for knowing the like of thee!’ He laughed and said, ‘There is no god but God and Mohammed is His Apostle! Glory be to Him who changes but is not changed! I took thee for a man of sense; but I see thou dotest for illness. God says, in His precious Book, that Paradise is prepared for “those who restrain their wrath and forgive men”, and in any case thou art excused. But I am ignorant of the cause of thy haste, and thou must know that thy father and grandfather did nothing without consulting me, for indeed it is said that he with whom one takes counsel should be trustworthy and that he who takes counsel shall not be disappointed. It is said also that he ​who hath not an elder (to advise him) will never be an elder himself; and indeed the poet says:
Ere thou decide to venture thyself in aught, Consult an experienced man and cross him not.
And indeed thou wilt find none better versed in affairs than I, and I am here standing on my feet to serve thee. I am not vexed with thee: why shouldst thou be vexed with me? But I will bear with thee for the sake of the favours I owe thy father.’ ‘By Allah,’ exclaimed I, ‘O thou whose tongue is as long as a jackass’s tail, thou persistest in pestering me with talk and pelting me with words, when all I want of thee is to shave my head and take thyself off!’ Then he lathered my head, saying, ‘I know that thou art vexed with me, but I bear thee no malice; for thy wit is weak and thou art a boy: it was but yesterday I took thee on my shoulders and carried thee to the school’ ‘O my brother,’ cried I, ‘for God’s sake, do what I want and go thy way!’ And I rent my clothes. When he saw me do this, he took the razor and fell to sharpening it and stinted not, till I was well-nigh distraught. Then he came up to me and shaved a part of my head, then held his hand and said, ‘O my lord, hurry is of the Devil and deliberation of the Merciful One. Methinks thou knowest not my station; verily my hand falls on the heads of kings and amirs and viziers and sages and learned men: and it was of me the poet said:
All the trades are like necklets of jewels and gold And this barber indeed’s the chief pearl of the strings. He excelleth all others that boast of their skill. And under his hand are the topknots of kings.’
‘Leave what concerns thee not,’ said I: ‘indeed thou hast straitened my breast and troubled my mind.’ Quoth he, ‘Meseems thou art in haste.’ ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ answered I, and he, ‘Thou wouldst do well to proceed with deliberation, for haste is of the Devil and bequeaths repentance and disappointment. Verily he upon whom be blessing ​and peace hath said, “The best affair is that which is undertaken with deliberation.” By Allah, thy case troubles me, and I would have thee let me know what it is thou art in such haste to do, for I fear me it is other than good.’ Then said he, ‘It wants three hours yet of the time of prayer. However, I do not wish to be in doubt as to this, but am minded to know the time for certain; for speech, when it is conjectural, is but faulty, especially in the like of me, whose merit is plain and known of all men; and it does not befit me to talk at random, as do the common sort of astrologers.’ So saying, he threw down the razor and taking up the astrolabe, went out under the sun and stood a long while, after which he returned and said to me, ‘It wants three hours of the time of prayer, neither more nor less.’ ‘By Allah,’ answered I, ‘hold thy tongue, for thou breakest my heart in pieces!’ So he took his razor and after sharpening it as before, shaved another part of my head. Then he said, ‘I am concerned about thy haste; and indeed thou wouldst do well to tell me the cause of it, for thou knowest that thy father and grandfather did nothing without my counsel.’ When I saw that there was no getting rid of him, I said to myself, ‘The time of prayer draws near and I wish to go to her before the folk come out from the mosque. If I am delayed much longer, I know not how I shall come at her.’ Then I said to him, ‘Be quick and leave this prating and officiousness, for I have to go to an entertainment at the house of one of my friends.’ When he heard me speak of an entertainment, he said, ‘This thy day is a blessed one for me! Verily, yesterday I invited a party of my intimate friends and I have forgotten to provide aught for them to eat. I bethought me of it but now, on hearing thee speak of an entertainment. Alack, how I shall be disgraced in their eyes!’ ‘Be in no concern for that,’ answered I. ‘Have I ​not told thee that I am bidden abroad to-day? All the meat and drink in the house shall be thine, so thou despatch my affair and make haste to shave my head.’ ‘God requite thee with good!’ rejoined he. ‘Tell me what thou hast for my guests, that I may know.’ Quoth I, ‘I have five dishes of meat and ten fricasseed fowls and a roasted lamb.’ ‘Bring them out to me,’ said he, ‘that I may see them.’ So I had all this brought, and when he saw it, he said, ‘There lacks the wine.’ ‘I have a flagon or two in the house,’ answered I; and he said, ‘Have it brought out.’ So I sent for it, and he exclaimed, ‘God bless thee for a generous soul! But there are still the perfumes and the essences.’ So I brought him a box, containing fifty dinars’ worth of aloes-wood and ambergris and musk and other perfumes. By this, the time began to run short and my heart was straitened; so I said to him, ‘Take it all and finish shaving my head, by the life of Mohammed, whom God bless and preserve!’ ‘By Allah,’ said he, ‘I will not take it till I see all that is in it.’ So I made the servant open the box, and the barber threw down the astrolabe and sitting down on the ground, turned over the contents, till I was well-nigh distracted. Then he took the razor and coming up to me, shaved some little of my head and recited the following verse:
The boy after his father’s guise grows up and follows suit As surely as the tree springs up from out its parent root.
Then said he, ‘O my son, I know not whether to thank thee or thy father; for my entertainment to-day is all due to thy kindness and liberality, and none of my company is worthy of it; though I have none but men of consideration, such as Zentout the bath-keeper and Selya the corn-chandler and Silet the bean-seller and Akresheh the grocer and Hemid the scavenger and Said the camel-driver and Suweyd the porter and Abou Mukarish the bathman and ​Cassim the watchman and Kerim the groom. There is not among them all one curmudgeon or make-bate or meddler or spoil-sport; each has his own dance that he dances and his own couplets that he repeats, and the best of them is that they are like thy servant, knowing not abundance of talk nor meddlesomeness. The bath-keeper sings enchantingly to the tambourine and dances and says, “I am going, O my mother, to fill my jar!” As for the corn-chandler, he brings more skill to it than any of them; he dances and says, “O mourner, my mistress, thou dost not fall short!” and draws the very heart out of one for laughing at him. Whilst the scavenger sings, so that the birds stop to listen to him, and dances and says, “News with my wife is not kept in a chest!” And indeed he is a witty, accomplished rogue, and of his excellence I use to say the following:
My life redeem the scavenger! I love him passing dear, For, in his goodly gait, he’s like the zephyr-shaken bough. Fate blessed my eyes with him one night; and I to him did say, (Whilst in my bosom, as I spoke, desire did ebb and flow,) “Thou’st lit thy fire within my heart!” Whereto he answer made “What wonder though the scavenger have turned a fire-man now?”
And indeed each is perfection in all that can charm the wit with mirth and jollity. But hearing is not like seeing; and indeed if thou wilt join us and put off going to thy friends, it will be better both for us and for thee: for the traces of sickness are yet upon thee and belike thou art going amongst talkative folk, who will prate of what does not concern them, or there may be amongst them some impertinent busybody who will split thy head, and thou still weak from illness.’ ‘This shall be for another day,’ answered I and laughed in spite of my anger. ‘Finish what thou hast to do for me and go in peace and enjoy thyself with thy friends, for they will be awaiting thy coming.’ ‘O my lord,’ replied he, ‘I only seek to bring ​thee in company with these pleasant folk, amongst whom there is neither meddlesomeness nor excess of talk; for never, since I came to years of discretion, could I endure to consort with those who ask of what concerns them not, nor with any except those who are, like myself, men of few words. Verily, if thou wert once to see them and company with them, thou wouldst forsake all thy friends.’ ‘God fulfil thy gladness with them!’ rejoined I. ‘Needs must I foregather with them one of these days.’ And he said, ‘I would it were to be to-day, for I had made up my mind that thou shouldst make one of us: but if thou must indeed go to thy friends to-day, I will take the good things, with which thy bounty hath provided me for them, to my guests, and leave them to eat and drink, without waiting for me, whilst I return to thee in haste and accompany thee whither thou goest; for there is no ceremony between me and my friends to hinder me from leaving them.’ ‘There is no power and no virtue but in God the Most High, the Supreme!’ cried I. ‘Go thou to thy friends and make merry with them and let me go to mine and be with them this day, for they expect me.’ ‘I will not let thee go alone,’ replied he: and I said, ‘None can enter where I am going but myself.’ Then said he, ‘I believe thou hast an assignation with some woman to-day; else thou wouldst take me with thee, for it is the like of me that furnishes a merry-making; or if thou go to any one with whom thou wouldst be private, I am the fittest of all men for thy purpose, for I would help thee to what thou desirest and look that none saw thee. I fear lest thou go in to some strange woman and lose thy life; for in this city one cannot do aught of the kind, especially on a day like this and under so keen and masterful a chief of the police as ours of Baghdad.’ ‘Out on thee, O wretched old man!’ cried I. ‘Avaunt! what words are these thou givest me?’ ‘O dolt!’ rejoined he, ‘thou ​sayest to me what is not true and hidest thy mind from me; but I know that this is so and am certain of it, and I only seek to help thee this day.’ I was fearful lest my people or the neighbours should hear the barber’s talk, so kept silence, whilst he finished shaving my head; by which time the hour of prayer was come and it was well-nigh time for the exhortation. When he had done, I said to him, ‘Take the meat and drink and carry them to thy friends. I will await thy return.’ For I thought it best to dissemble with the accursed fellow and feign compliance with his wishes, so haply he might go away and leave me. Quoth he, ‘Thou art deceiving me and wilt go alone and cast thyself into some peril, from which there will be no escape for thee. For God’s sake, do not go till I return, that I may accompany thee and see what comes of thine affair.’ ‘It is well,’ answered I: ‘do not be long absent.’ Then he took all that I had given him and went out; but, instead of going home with it, the cursed fellow delivered it to a porter, to carry to his house, and hid himself in a by-street. As for me, I rose at once, for the Muezzins had already chanted the Salutation, and, dressing myself in haste, went out and hurried to the house where I had seen the young lady. I found the old woman standing at the door, awaiting me, and went up with her to the young lady’s apartment. Hardly had I done so, when the master of the house returned from the mosque and entering the saloon, shut the door. I looked out from the window and saw this barber (God’s malison on him!) sitting over against the door, and said, ‘How did this devil find me out?’ At this moment, as God had decreed it for my undoing, it befell that a slave-girl belonging to the master of the house committed some offence, for ​which he beat her. She cried out, and a male slave came in to deliver her, whereupon the Cadi beat him also, and he too cried out. The cursed barber concluded that it was I he was beating and fell to tearing his clothes and strewing dust on his head, shrieking and calling for help. So the folk came round him, and he said to them, ‘My master is being murdered in the Cadi’s house!’ Then he ran, shrieking, to my house, with the folk after him, and told my people and servants: and before I knew what was forward, up they came, with torn clothes and dishevelled hair, calling out, ‘Alas, our master!’ and the barber at their head, in a fine pickle, tearing his clothes and shouting. They made for the house in which I was, headed by the barber, crying out, ‘Woe is us for our murdered master!’ And the Cadi, hearing the uproar at his door, said to one of his servants, ‘Go and see what is the matter.’ The man went out and came back, saying, ‘O my lord, there are more than ten thousand men and women at the door, crying out, “Woe is us for our murdered master!” and pointing to our house.’ When the Cadi heard this, he was troubled and vexed; so he went to the door and opening it, saw a great concourse of people; whereat he was amazed and said, ‘O folk, what is the matter?’ ‘O accursed one, O dog, O hog,’ replied my servants, ‘thou hast killed our master!’ Quoth he, ‘And what has your master done to me that I should kill him? Behold, this my house is open to you!’Night xxxi. ‘Thou didst beat him but now with rods,’ answered the barber; ‘for I heard his cries.’ ‘What has he done that I should beat him?’ repeated the Cadi; ‘and what brings him into my house?’ ‘Be not a vile, perverse old man!’ replied the barber; ‘I know the whole story. The long and the short of it is that thy daughter is in love with him and he with her; and when thou knewest that he had entered the house, thou badest thy servants beat him, and ​they did so. By Allah, none shall judge between us and thee but the Khalif! So bring us out our master, that his people may take him, before I go and fetch him forth of thy house and thou be put to shame.’ When the Cadi heard this, he was dumb for amazement and confusion before the people, but presently said to the barber, ‘If thou speak truth, come in and fetch him out.’ Whereupon the barber pushed forward and entered the house. When I saw this, I looked about for a means of escape, but saw no hiding-place save a great chest that stood in the room. So I got into the chest and pulled the lid down on me and held my breath. Hardly had I done this, when the barber came straight to the place where I was and catching up the chest, set it on his head and made off with it in haste. At this, my reason forsook me and I was assured that he would not let me be; so I took courage and opening the chest, threw myself to the ground. My leg was broken in the fall, and the door of the house being opened, I saw without a great crowd of people. Now I had much gold in my sleeve, which I had provided against the like of this occasion; so I fell to scattering it among the people, to divert their attention from me; and whilst they were busy scrambling for it, I set off running through the by-streets of Baghdad, and this cursed barber, whom nothing could divert from me, after me. Wherever I went, he followed, crying out, ‘They would have bereft me of my master and slain him who has been a benefactor to me and my family and friends! But praised be God who aided me against them and delivered my lord from their hands! Where wilt thou go now? Thou persistedst in following thine own evil devices, till thou broughtest thyself to this pass, and if God had not vouchsafed me to thee, thou hadst never won free from this strait, for they would have plunged thee into irremediable ruin. How long dost thou expect I shall live to save thee? By Allah, thou hast ​well-nigh undone me by thy folly and thy perverseness in wishing to go by thyself! But I will not reproach thee with ignorance, for thou art little of wit and hasty.’ ‘Does not what thou hast brought upon me suffice thee,’ replied I, ‘but thou must pursue me with the like of this talk through the public streets?’ And I well-nigh gave up the ghost for excess of rage against him. Then I took refuge in the shop of a weaver in the midst of the market and sought protection of the owner, who drove the barber away. I sat down in the back shop and said to myself, ‘If I return home, I shall never be able to get rid of this accursed barber, for he will be with me night and day, and I cannot endure the sight of him.’ So I sent out at once for witnesses and made a will, dividing the greater part of my money among my people, and appointed a guardian over them, to whom I committed the charge of great and small directing him to sell my house and estates. Then I set out at once on my travels, that I might be free of this ruffian, and came to settle in your town, where I have lived for some time. When you invited me and I came hither the first thing I saw was this accursed pimp seated in the place of honour. How, then, can I be at my ease and how can it be pleasant to me to consort with you, in company with this fellow, who brought all this upon me and was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my exile from my country and family?” And he refused to sit down and went away. When we heard the young man’s story (continued the tailor), we were beyond measure amazed and diverted and said to the barber, “Is it true, that this young man says of thee?” “By Allah,” replied he, “I dealt thus with him of my courtesy and good sense and humanity. But for me, he had perished and none but I was the cause of his escape. Well for him that it was in his leg that he suffered and not in his life! Were I a man of many words or a busybody, I had not done him this ​kindness; but now I will tell you something that happened to me, that ye may know that I am indeed sparing of speech and no impertinent meddler, as were my six brothers; and it is this:
* ↑ One of the companions of Mohammed.
* ↑ Prater.
* ↑ Babbler.
* ↑ Gabbler.
* ↑ The Stone Mug.
* ↑ The Braggart.
* ↑ Noisy.
* ↑ Silent.
* ↑ Mohammed.
* ↑ Or attendant on the people in the bath.
* ↑ i.e. a stoker or man who keeps up the fire in the baths.
* ↑ A sort of sermon, which immediately follows, the noontide call to prayer on Fridays.
* ↑ Preliminary to the call to prayer.
    The Barber’s Story.
​When we heard the barber’s story (continued the tailor) and saw the abundance of his speech and the way in which he had oppressed the young man, we laid hands on him and shut him up, after which we sat down in peace and ate and drank till the time of the call to afternoon-prayer, ​when I left the company and returned home. My wife was sulky and said to me, “Thou hast taken thy pleasure all day, whilst I have been moping at home. So now, except thou carry me abroad and amuse me for the rest of the day, it will be the cause of my separation from thee.” So I took her out and we amused ourselves till nightfall, when we returned home and met the hunchback, brimming over with drunkenness and repeating the following verses:
The glass is pellucid, and so is the wine: So bring them together and see them combine: ’Tis a puzzle; one moment, all wine and no cup; At another, in turn, ’tis all cup and no wine.
So I invited him to pass the evening with us and went out to buy fried fish, after which we sat down to eat. Presently my wife took a piece of bread and fish and crammed them into his mouth, and he choked and died. Then I took him up and made shift to throw him into the house of the Jewish physician. He in his turn let him down into the house of the controller, who threw him in the way of the Christian broker. This, then, is my story. Is it not more wonderful than that of the hunchback?’
Return to Story of the Hunchback.