# Horrid Mysteries: a Story/Volume 3/Chapter 7

CHAPTER VII.
It was Sunday when we arrived at the hamlet. All the inhabitants were assembled beneath a large wallnut-tree, and their joy was rather clamorous. One must have seen French peasants, to form an adequate idea of the scene which pre​sented itself to our eyes. The oppressed and the poor generally abandon themselves to excesses whenever they can catch a moment of liberty, tranquillity, and superfluity; and the human heart, which much sooner is urged from one extreme to the other than cooled to moderation, destroys, without hesitation, a part of future pleasure, while it abandons itself to the rapid torrent of present gratification.
The young people danced, and the girls were adorned with autumnal flowers. Some branches composed charming huts, where we received refreshments spread on benches. Their whole orchestra consisted of a single fiddle, a tambourine, a fife, and a clarinet: however, the female dancers moved with so much agility and natural grace, that the eyes were indemnified for what the ears missed. We passed the dancers in a hard trot, being impatient to arrive at the inn which was on the other side of the hamlet. The curiosity of seeing us ride by, put a momentary stop to ​the dance and the music, which began again, as soon as we were past, with the same unconstraint as if no observers were near. Our dress was soon changed: the Count put on a slight white night-gown: I followed his example; and thus accoutred, we went in our slippers to the dancing place, attended by our landlady, who gazed with visible delight at my friend's elegant form and graceful carriage. I also could not help making the same remarks I read on her countenance. He had the appearance of a king in disguise. His soft blue eye glittered with that tranquil majesty, which peacefully raised itself above the pressure of sorrows; his looks spoke the sweet language of general benevolence; and his colour, which commonly was rather pale, had been animated, by exercise and good humour, with a rosy hue, which was charmingly set off by the disorder of his brown hair. The noble grace of his gait, and of his whole carriage, easily could tempt one to believe that ​he was an inhabitant of Heaven's realms, who had left his celestial abode to bless the mortal race.
When we approached the dancing place, we observed some motions among the merry company. They seemed to consult how we should be received: however, we joined them with as much ease as if we had lived many years amongst them; saluted every one, and shook hands with those who were most contiguous to us. The little confusion our arrival had caused was thereby instantly dispelled; and when we told them that we wished to take a cordial share in their joy, they raised a loud shout of satisfaction. We were led to the best seat: the oldest of the happy circle offered us wine, figs, almonds, and grapes; and the music and dancing began anew.
Having refreshed ourselves sufficiently, we did not hesitate to mix with the dancers. The Count chose a partner; and I also had no difficulty to find one for my​self. The vanity which our charmers felt at that preferment, soon raised them above the reserve which is natural to the female sex; and the blushing, innocent damsels joined their hands cheerfully with ours. The Count's partner was a tall, jolly brunette; and I was coupled to a little, languishing girl. The former was by far too fiery for the character of her partner, and the latter too gentle for me; yet the beauty of their form, the simple, animated and well conducted dance, which unfolded their charms in the most advantageous manner, soon made us forget the reciprocal contrast of our dispositions.
Annette, the partner of my friend, had the finest shape I ever beheld; a small, pale face, full and rosy lips, and a round voluptuous chin. Her black eyes spoke, or, at least, would not speak, much that evening; for I remarked afterwards that they could be pretty eloquent. She sported with the innocent caresses of the poor Count, who seemed to be enchanted with ​her, though he was not wont to brook female severity. He was probably so pliant at first merely for the sake of amusement, but at last his sentiments took a more serious turn.
Lucy, my fair partner, was Annette's younger sister, and quite the reverse of her; a little, languishing, puny being, of uncommonly fine limbs, and a most pliant make. Her soft eye, overshaded with long, brown eye-lashes, seemed, indeed, not to be an entire stranger to roguish coquetry; yet it displayed more modest goodness than wantonness. It burned with a wish, with a secret desire, for a certain something, which she, perhaps, had no clear notion of, or at least, seemed never to have found as yet. Her bosom spoke the same language, as well as the blushes of her dimpled cheeks, when I pressed her little charming hand. Her feelings certainly were strong, and she only was at a loss how to express them. She had too little energy of body and of mind, and ​for that reason, seemed not to be susceptible of a higher culture, as she indeed was sensible of the impression of the present moment, but did not retain it long.
We spent the evening in congenial, artless pleasure, frequently changed our partners, according to the established custom, but always returned to those our good fortune had bestowed upon us at first. The Count's charming impartiality forsook him at once, and I did not hesitate to imitate his example, impelled, as it were, by an unaccountable secret enchantment. If one has, or only imagines to have, received some pleasing sensual gratification, the first impression, the first taste, always predominates strongly among those that succeed it. There were at least twenty lovely figures among these little sweet country girls, that were prettier and more charming than our partners; however, we were almost entirely insensible to their beauty. The secret impulse that urged us to return to our charmers, cannot be called ​love, it rather was a strange sort of a nameless desire. The shape and the manners of the lovers inspired the rest with a jealousy which rather seemed to be owing to offended vanity than to a particular inclination towards us. The general good understanding was soon interrupted; the favoured fair ones indulged themselves with several little liberties; the rest did not care to disguise their indignation; and, besides, we were not the sole lovers of our partners. It was owing merely to the supposed superiority of our rank, which was confirmed by the noble carriage of the Count, that this general disatisfaction did not break out: however, the silence which began to prevail around us rapidly encreased every moment; the general inebriation of pleasure gradually vanished as one little troop separated itself by degrees from the rest; and those who were inspired with similar sentiments, retired at some distance in small groups, taking no farther share in our diversion. ​Our ladies, too, were sensible of our misconduct, and grew gradually more reserved; and we now were the only persons that did not observe it.
I was at length reminded of it by Alfonso, who, all the evening, had been a silent observer of our behaviour, without taking the least share in our diversions. I imparted his remarks secretly to the Count, and our eyes were opened at once. We now beheld ourselves and our partners entirely deserted by the company, and the rest dispersed in several groups. However, we neglected to make a proper use of that discovery, being diverted by the jealousy of the company; and, instead of behaving with more circumspection, encreased our caresses and our attention to our partners, which vexed their lovers in such a degree, that they drew nearer with glowing faces, and with looks which plainly told us that it was high time to discontinue our ungentleman-like sport.
​Night was, fortunately, setting in. The families broke up, and went to their respective homes, probably very little edified by the conclusion of their rural ball and our conduct. Annette and Lucy also were impatient to go home: we offered them our arms, and attended them to their house, amid the pretty audible hisses of those that had staid behind.
There are situations in human life in which we really seem to be controuled by some magic charm, of which the events of that evening were a speaking instance. All these humiliating consequences of our conduct, the cold civility of the old people, the scornful looks of the girls, the wry faces of the young men, and even the reserve and growing coldness of our charmers, were not sufficient to make us sensible of our foolish imprudence. The landlord and his dame, who, some hours before, had received us with so much kindness, and attended us, had also changed their looks very much on our re​turn: even our servants convinced us, by their gestures, that they did not much admire our prudence. Every thing was, besides, in a confusion to which we were not accustomed, and which we had not yet experienced on our excursion. The horses had bad stabling, and not yet got their fodder: no supper was to be seen; and having, at length, put the people of the house in motion, our meal turned out so meagre and miserable, that we went to bed with empty stomachs. We now began, almost at one time, to rail at the people of the house, instead of looking for the cause of our disappointment in our conduct; and were so much infatuated as to curse and to threaten our host, to quarrel with our servants, to beat cats and dogs, and several times were very near falling out with each other before we went to our apartment.
On coming to our bed-chamber, an additional cause of dissatisfaction threw itself in our way; only one spare bed being, ​unfortunately, in the house. This inconvenience would, indeed, not have given us the least uneasiness at any other time, either of us taking it rather as a favour to be suffered to sleep on a chair if the bed happened to be too small to contain both. But now, neither would resign the bed to the other; and, after a long and warm contention, we squeezed ourselves at length into the narrow compass of our uncomfortable couch. Yet we were incapable of getting a wink of sleep, tossing ourselves from one side to the other, and murmuring alternately at our miserable situation. We had the additional misfortune to be almost suffocated by an intense heat, which, at length, drove me out of the bed. I began to walk up and down in the room, and the Count soon followed my example, stepping to the window, and inhaling the fresh night air.
"What the D———l does that mean?" he exclaimed at once, starting suddenly back. "Look, Carlos, what a numerous ​crowd gathers under our window." I hastened to him, and actually beheld about twenty young people before our door, but could discern nothing else, the night being very dark. We now began to guess and to conjecture what could be the meaning of that assemblage, and naturally concluded that it must have some connection with the incidents at the dancing place. I was violently enraged at the insolence of our nocturnal visitors; but Count S******i, whose good humour returned at once, began to laugh. This inflamed me still more vehemently; and, instead of being pacified by his unconcern, I apprehended some danger. I fetched, therefore, our pistols; and having made every preparation for a vigorous defence, was going to awake our servants. Count S******i was, however, more prudent than myself, and stopping me at the door, with a loud laugh, said, "Don't put yourself into a passion; I will lay any thing that their whole drift is nothing but ​a miserable frolic. Don't spoil the pleasure of these poor fellows, but rather let us divert ourselves at their expense."
The event proved that he was not mistaken; for we were, after a few minutes, regaled with an excellent serenade, whose harmony soon informed us of its meaning. The effect this charming concert had on my risibility was so powerful, that I could not have resisted an immoderate fit of laughter if it had cost me my life. The music could certainly not be called a symphony; however, so much is certain, that the most horrid notes were borrowed from all instruments to produce a kind of chorus. As much as I could distinguish, some horns were the principal instruments; and it may easily be conceived how charmingly they were blown: a fiddle, with only one string, two or three rattles, a damaged trumpet, some little drums, and three or four kettles, accompanied the performers who played those agreeable instruments; and some small French ​whistles, which are used to call the flocks together, in the neighbourhood of which one is in danger to lose one's hearing for ever, completed, by their shrill notes, the harmony of the whole. Several other instruments I did not know; however, the whole concert was of such a nature, that it would have been able to resuscitate the dead, and to reduce nervous people to the brink of the grave.
We were amused for some time: however, the Count took, at length, a pocket pistol out, and having extracted the ball, fired it over their heads. It caused a louder report than I had expected, and the music was silenced in an instant. The young gentlemen, who had not conceived the most distant idea of the serious consequences which might attend their frolic, did not think proper to finish their serenade, and left us suddenly to our reflections.
The Count continued to laugh immoderately, and I was infected by his merry ​humour. "It would be excellent sport," he exclaimed, "if we could dispossess these fellows of their pretty little girls. I would give any thing." I was entirely of his opinion, protesting that nothing could be more pleasant. Our vexation at our disastrous circumstances had divided us, and the resentment these very circumstances created united us again. We now consulted about the means of effecting our purpose, and soon hit upon measures which promised us success.
The execution of our plan was more successful at first than we had expected, as the final issue of it was more unfortunate and mortifying than we ever could have imagined. The young people had again a dance the next evening; and we prepared the whole hamlet, during the day, for our behaviour on that occasion. We were as gentle as doves, and seemed to be good-nature and condescension itself; wandered through the hamlet, paying very little attention to the girls; joked with the ​young men, and were serious in the company of the old ones; flattered the mothers, and treated the daughters with cold civility. When we entered a house, we were received with frigid reserve and sour looks, but pleasure and good-will beamed in the eye of every inmate when we left it: our salutes were returned with cordiality; every one was charmed with our conduct; and every thing changed in our favour. Yet we were too much exasperated as to drop our design, and impatient to be revenged for the treatment we experienced last night.
Our behaviour in the evening was also entirely changed. We betrayed not the least desire to mix with the dancers, but associated with the old peasants, discoursed of the vintage, made our observations on the wind and the clouds, presaged the weather, and pretended to know the meaning of the croaking of the frogs. The gaping peasants were astonished at the striking change of our behaviour, and ​listened so eagerly to our discourses, that here and there a pipe dropt on the ground. Every recollection of the events of the preceding night seemed to be obliterated, and the listening circle, that stood around us, encreased with every minute. The Count sang and played on the guittar; and I relieved him at intervals by the relation of wonderful incidents, and of ludicrous anecdotes. The dance ceased, and the girls too assembled around us; however, we took little notice of them.
Annette and Lucy were struck with astonishment at our behaviour with regard to themselves. They were dressed in their best apparel, and their disappointment was legibly written on their countenance. Annette affected to be entirely indifferent to the Count's inattention to her person, and strove to be extravagantly merry: Lucy, on the contrary, scarcely could retain her tears; and the more her sister exerted herself to make the company burst with laughter, the more frequently did she ​take her pocket handkerchief out to wipe her eyes.
Not the least of these circumstances escaped our observation, and our looks frequently met those of our offended fair ones; yet nothing was able to make the smallest impression on our obdurate hearts: they were obliged to go home unattended; and we returned to the inn, accompanied by almost all the inhabitants of the hamlet, who seemed to adore us.
No sooner were we left to ourselves, than we broke out in a fit of laughter, congratulating ourselves mutually on our excellent talents for hypocrisy, deceit, and courtly disguise, as well as on the impression we flattered ourselves to have made on the hearts of our charmers. We really had appeared more to our advantage to day than the evening before in our night gowns and slippers. The Count was dressed in his uniform, which, indeed, did not become him half so well as his white night gown: the buttons of his mi​litary dress were, however, so bright, and the rich embroidery of his coat was so refulgent, that every look was attracted by the splendor of his external appearance, which received additional charms by the bloom of health blushing on his cheeks, and the sparkling lustre of his eyes. Love, unblended with any kind of ambition, is, besides, rather unnatural; and the latter is frequently the father of the former.
The next morning we conversed, in the presence of our landlord, on the happiness a constant residence at such a charming spot, and with such good-natured people, must afford. Our host now assumed a very sly look, assuring us that he was not so ignorant of the state of our hearts as we perhaps imagined, and declaring that he would do as much as lay in his power to put us in possession of the two girls whom we had found so charming the first evening, provided we were willing to marry them. He added, they were ​the richest in the village, each of them possessing a large farm of her own; and we might be sure of success, if we would avail ourselves of his interposition, as he was their uncle and godfather, and had a great influence on the family.
I feigned to be astonished at his sagacity, replying, in my and in the Count's name, that he had completely guessed the real state of our hearts, and that we should avail ourselves of his kind offer as soon as we perceived that the girls were favourably inclined to us; mean-while we wished to hire a small farm for some time.
We were fortunate enough to have the choice of two, and hired that which required the least labour; because neither the Count nor myself was over fond of too much exertion, but knew how to set a proper value on ease and convenience. It was, however, requisite we should act the part of farmers in the highest perfection possible; and while we exerted ourselves to the utmost of our power to do honour ​to our new station, we actually incurred the danger of being rusticated. I do not know what opinion S******i entertained of me with regard to that point; however, his behaviour gave me just reason for thinking thus of him. He could easily accommodate himself to almost any situation; and its character, which he appropriated to himself, soon became completely natural to him. He pressed, as it were, the essence out of all scenes and circumstances of human life, and always found something agreeable in the enjoyment thereof. Ere long, his borrowed character grew habitual with him; and he never left his assumed manners before they relinquished him, or a new situation required it.
I, on the contrary, did not so easily and so perfectly catch the spirit of a character. My disposition of mind, which always leads me back to the time past, and renders the gratification the present moment affords agreeable to me only as far as it ​harmonizes with the images of my fancy, embellished by the distance of time, renders every situation very soon irksome to me. Being averse to yield to the alluring charms of novelty, it gains some gratification only by a long continued study of an object, and therefore approaches it only slowly. But not one moment of human life is alike to the other; the events we experience, and our notions, are eternally fluctuating and changing; and the moment in which I begin to grow sufficiently intimate with the existing circumstances, is generally the period in which I commence a new existence.
I acted, therefore, my part a good deal worse than the Count, who found it very convenient to attend personally the pasture of his flock; to adorn his hat and bosom with ribbons and flowers; to dine beneath a spreading lime-tree, to blow a melting air on the flute, or to compose the most heart-breaking pastorals. It was, however, very unfortunate, that the fine season ​was already past; a flower was a rarity; not one human being heard his plaintive strains; and his verses, which savoured already of the winter, were generally obliged to be thawed before the kitchen fire along with their author, before they were palatable; and were lost to the world, and to immortality, because no person heard them but myself.
I took care of the internal economy of our house; and, with the two servants, fed and milked the cows, and prepared our meals. We three seemed to prefer having a good joint of meat in the pot, and a prospect of a substantial dinner, to hunting for rhimes all the day long. When the Count returned, and had properly arranged his ideas, he began to speak with enthusiasm of the graces of poetry, and of the celestial, immortal fire of love. His character had received some fatal lunatic spots from the reading of some German novels, and his fancies more frequently breathed an odour of the grave than of sound ​sense. Heaven knows how it came that I never was more materially disposed than at that period. I rather endured than coincided with his fine sentiments. If the morning was serene and pure, my feelings were neither more nor less elevated than those of the brute creation: when the moon shone bright, I could, indeed, rejoice for half an hour at her silvery orb; and a sweet melancholy, now and then, stole upon me; but, instead of shedding sentimental tears, I took my gun or a net, to shoot a good bird or to catch fish, assisted by her deceiving flight.
Being occupied and diverted by labour, allured by no temptation, and safe from the corruptive poison of idleness, my heart seemed, at that time, to be as healthy as my body. I can, indeed, not deny that a certain lady of the capital of France attended me sometimes in my little occupations. She was, however, rather gay and cheerful than gloomy and sad; and, what was still more agreeable, came ​always in the company of a third person. I thought very little of Lucy and her whole tribe, but nevertheless lent always, after our meals, a patient ear to the Count's amorous complaints, laughing inwardly at my friend, that he was such a fool to fall thus violently in love.
As for our sociable life, it was regulated in the following manner: In the week every one was hard at work; for our hamlet was poor, and the inhabitants lived upon the scanty produce of their agriculture, pasturage, vintage, and the making of wooden spoons. The time lying very heavy upon my hands for want of society, I employed my idle hours in the fabrication of the latter article, and improved so rapidly, that I soon was famed in the whole hamlet for making the finest wooden spoons. I had learned, in Germany, to make baskets, and now exercised that art also in great perfection. When I was sitting in the yard bending osiers, then it grew frequently lighter in my soul than at ​any other time; I smiled cheerfully at the time past, and was highly sensible that nothing in the world smooths the path through life so much as constant occupation and labour, which leaves no scope for idle speculation.
This predominant propensity for activity, which, being intimately connected with my nature, has frequently urged me, in the course of my life, to commit the most adventurous follies, made me stiffer, and less sociable, than the Count was rendered by his poetical idleness. When he returned from his pastoral world with his cows and his sheep, he usually was in such a good humour, and his imagination was so bright and active, that every object presented itself to him in a rosy-coloured light; and his rapture knew no bounds when he had succeeded in being happily delivered of some fine poem, or had seen his shepherdess, and received a kind look from her. He almost choaked me with his enthusiastic extravagancies; and when ​I shewed him a fine spoon I had made, or a neat basket which I had finished, he left me suddenly, ran through the whole hamlet, knocked at every window where he saw a light, disturbed our neighbours in their sleep, tired them with his unseasonable discourses, found every where wit, sound sense, simplicity, and honesty, honoured, at last, his mistress with a ballad of the time of Henry IV. or of Lewis XI. and persuaded her he had composed it for her that very day. When I returned with my gun or net, I generally went for him to her house, or delivered him from the teeth of some mastiffs, who could not conceive what business he could have in the street at so late an hour.
He made, however, excellent progress in his courtship. Annette had already confessed to him that she loved and preferred him to the rest of her lovers; and nothing but the marriage ceremony debarred him from the completion of his happiness. This was, however, a point ​with respect to which the Count possessed as little of the spirit of cosmopolitism as myself; for he professed the just principle, that, as a man of the world could not be certain to be happy with his lady, one ought to take care to get something along with her, that at least would make some atonement for disappointments which might happen, and sweeten the bitterness which oftentimes is mixed in the cup of matrimonial bliss.
I was not so successful in my love, for which I probably had to thank nobody but myself; for while the fiery fair ones seem to make great pretensions, those of a gentler disposition actually demand a great deal. They do not easily forget little neglects, resent every fault one commits, and reflect at home on what one imagines to have been forgot in a moment. A great propensity for an easy and quiet life has always been a predominant stricture of my character, notwithstanding its restlessness; and my gallantry to the ladies was seldom ​carried to a very high degree, if my heart did not, of its own accord, urge me to tender those flattering assiduities that commonly are held to be the criterion of a fervent love.
Lucy profited, therefore, very little by my passion. I did, indeed, occasionally play a little air on the flute under her window at night, or danced twice with her on a Sunday, when the other damsels had that honour only once; or if I could get a nosegay without much difficulty, I presented it to her, entwined with a blue ribbon, in a basket of my own workmanship. I also told her sometimes, in the most elegant manner, if she was alone, and seemed to wish for it, that she was as beautiful as an angel, that I adored her, and that it depended entirely upon her to be beloved by me for ever. If I was in an uncommonly good humour, I even ventured to steal a kiss, and to repeat the sweet theft if she was angry at my boldness. This was, however, all I did for her. My rusticated ​phlegm did not suffer me to venture farther. The fervour of the first evening had been damped by the serenade; and I should have been vexed to death at our foolish frolic, if I had not been diverted by the cares attending my culinary and domestic employment.
It was, at bottom, nothing but kindness for the Count that prompted me to await patiently the conclusion of our whimsical farce; for love appeared to me, at that time, to be nothing else but an occupation fit only for idle people. The work I had on my hand quickened the circulation of my blood, enlivened my ideas, and rendered them more healthy, which enabled me to improve considerably, in that situation, in the true philosophy of life.
Unfortunately, our pleasure did not last much longer. The hamlet was too far remote from the high-road than that its inhabitants could have attained a great knowledge of the gallantry of the nation. ​It was, therefore, the custom with them to marry first, and then to commence to make love. The servants had, besides, not been over-careful to conceal our rank; and we had rendered ourselves very suspected the first night. The father of the two girls being heartily tired of the trouble of guarding their virgin treasure, and seeing their former lovers relinquish them, applied frankly to the Count, desiring him to declare whether we would marry his girls or not. S******i wanted to pacify him by an evasive answer and vague excuses: however, the farmer declared he perceived the drift of our courtship, and knew very well that it was impossible a serious alliance between ourselves and his daughters could ever take place; desiring him, at the same time, in the politest manner, never to enter his house again, nor to appear under the window, if he did not choose to expose himself to disagreeable accidents. My poor friend really was seized with despair; for although he ​had no mind to marry, yet he was violently in love with his charmer. He now told the fields his sorrows, and the echo repeated his desponding complaints. The moon and the stars were most ruefully invoked to witness his tears and his despair. His amorous fury and grief were, however, only poetical. He did, indeed, rove the fields, abscond himself in the most solitary recesses of the wood, gaze wildly at the waterfalls, and conjure the chilling autumnal gales, which only the absence of all feeling could mistake for Zephyrs, to waft his sighs and amorous complaints to his cruel Phyllis.
I was not displeased at that unfavourable turn of our affairs: and if the girls only had been a little more of our party, this would have afforded the finest opportunity for adventures. My healthy blood spoke of nothing but of murder and elopement. Opposition made me enterprising; and I could have torn our faithless inamoratas from the bosom of their parents, and carried ​them to the most distant parts of the globe. But the misfortune was, that the girls were not at all disposed to elope; and I laughed, at last, at myself and the Count, and resolved to attempt his conversion to sound sense.
I never performed a good work with less difficulty; for he soon began to laugh at himself and me. He coincided with my humour, and we began publicly to act the furious lovers. We quarrelled every day with the father of the girls, and not a night passed without a serenade under their window. The whole hamlet was put into an intestine commotion, and divided in different parties. A deputation appeared, at length, at our farm, and requested us respectfully to depart in peace. This was just what we wanted: we yielded, therefore, generously to their humble request, settled our affairs, sold our cows and sheep, paid our rent, and departed laughing, highly elated by the ridiculous termination of our frolic.