# Memoirs of James Hardy Vaux/Volume 2/Chapter 10

CHAPTER X.
FROM the description I have briefly given of the hulks, the reader will easily believe I ardently longed for the moment which was to release me from so miserable an existence. That happy day at length arrived. On the 15th of June, 1810, I was removed from the Retribution, in company with fifty-four others, to Long-reach, a few miles below Woolwich, where we were put on board the Indian, which ship had recently been fitted at Deptford for the reception of two hundred prisoners. The next day we sailed for Gravesend, and at this place I anxiously hoped for a farewell visit from my wife, to whom I had written from Woolwich on the morning of my embarkation, acquainting her with my approaching departure. She had attended me at least once a month, during my stay at Woolwich, and supported me as well as her circumstances ​would permit. We remained at Gravesend three days, but she did not appear; and in our progress from thence to Spithead, we took on board at the Nore forty-five more convicts from the Zealand hulk at Sheerness. In a few days we arrived at Spithead, where we received one hundred prisoners from the hulks at Portsmouth, and Langston harbour; soon after which I had a letter from my wife, stating that she had arrived at Gravesend on the evening of the day our ship departed, and brought with her a supply of the most necessary articles for my comfort; that on finding, to her grief, that she was too late, she had been advised to follow the ship to Sheerness; which she, in fact, did, and arrived at that place on the very day after we had taken in the prisoners, and immediately proceeded on our voyage, without even coming to an anchor. Thus she was again fatally disappointed; and having incurred this expense, and endured much fatigue, she had been obliged to return to town; but added, that if possible, she would see me before we sailed from Portsmouth. This, however, she was not enabled to accomplish, her health and circumstances being both unfavourable to the undertaking. But I received, on the 18th of July, when we were quite ready for, and in hourly expectation of, sailing, a letter from her, in which she expressed her concern at not being in a condition to visit me; but gave me advice that she had packed ​up some clothes and other necessaries, of which she enclosed a list; and that the trunk containing them would arrive by the Gosport coach at a certain time and place. I had not received this letter from the hands of our captain above half an hour, when the Lion of 64 made the signal to weigh; and from that moment no boat was permitted to leave the ship, so that I went to sea without the smallest comfort for the voyage, or any wearing apparel except the suit of slops I had on. We accordingly got under weigh immediately, and sailed, in company with the Lion, and the Chichester store-ship. The former had on board the Persian ambassador and suite, and was bound for Bombay. The latter was destined for St. Helena, and we were to accompany them (under convoy,) as far as the latitude of the Cape of Good Hope. We were no sooner at sea, than Captain Barclay, who had been induced to notice me from the recommendation of a female passenger who was going out to New South Wales, and who (singular to relate,) had actually come home with me in H. M. Ship Buffalo; the Captain, I say, from her representation of my abilities, and from an application I made to him by letter, treated me with peculiar kindness. I was released from irons, and appointed to assist the steward in the issue of provisions, &c., both to the prisoners, the ship's company, and the troops. As the steward himself was not very expert, and an ​indifferent scholar, I had the chief management of the whole business, and the arrangement of all the victualling accounts. From the experience I had formerly gained, I was perfectly at home in this situation, and gave satisfaction to all parties. I also wrote the ship's log-book, and executed many services with my pen for Captain Barclay himself. The effects of this favourable distinction and confidence were, that I had every personal comfort the ship afforded during our passage, lived tolerably well, and accumulated a decent change of clothing to equip myself on our arrival at Port-Jackson. Nothing but the usual routine of occurrences befel us in this voyage. We touched first at Madeira, and afterwards at Rio-de-Janeiro, but our stay at both places was short. The day after we quitted the latter, in company with our Commodore and the store-ship; both these vessels so far out-sailed us, that we lost sight of them and separated, continuing our course alone without interruption, and, with tolerable expedition, to the end of our voyage. On the 16th of December, we anchored in Sydney-cove, from which place I had been absent nearly four years.
I soon learnt that the news of my second transportation, and in fact of my principal adventures in London, had preceded my own arrival; and that, consequently, no surprise was excited by my appearance. I also heard, to my mortification, that from ​the changes which had taken place in public affairs since my departure from the colony, most of the departments were filled by strangers, from whom I could expect no indulgence; and that not only these officers, but the Governor himself, had conceived a violent prejudice against those unfortunate and misguided persons, who by a renewal of their vicious courses on returning to their native country, subject themselves to a second disgraceful banishment, and seem thereby to indicate that they are incapable of reformation, and systematically depraved. From this intimation I had reason to expect a cool reception; whereas, during my former residence in the colony, I witnessed many instances of persons who returned under the sentence of the law, being most cordially received, and preferred to any vacant appointment much sooner than a stranger. On the 24th of December, I was landed with the rest of the prisoners, and the whole of us were drawn up in the jail-yard for the Governor's inspection. It seems I had been particularly pointed out to his Excellency; for on approaching me, he asked me several questions respecting my employment under Governor King, and concluded with desiring Mr. Nicholls, the superintendent, to dispose of me at present to the Hawkesbury. His Excellency, however, paused a few moments before coming to this decision, and I was in hopes he had an idea of giving me a clerical employment. The Governor then ​added, that if I behaved well, something might in time be done for me, or to that effect. I was much disappointed on this occasion, as I too well knew the hardships I should have to encounter, if sent up the country and assigned to a settler. However, it was in vain to murmur, and about fifty of us were immediately conveyed by water to Parramatta, from whence we walked next day to Hawkesbury. On arriving at the town of Windsor, the settlers having been summoned by the magistrates, and there being a greater number of applicants for men servants than there were prisoners to dispose of, our names were written on tickets, and intermixed with a sufficient number of blanks, (we being the prizes at the disposal of Dame Fortune,) and then each settler in turn drew a ticket, which on being opened, published the good or ill luck of the drawer. It was my fate to be drawn by a settler called "Big Ben," and with him I quitted the scene of action, and prepared to remove my little baggage to the farm of my new master. As I had been intimately acquainted with this man, and in fact with every inhabitant of Hawkesbury, when I formerly officiated as clerk to Mr. Baker, the store-keeper, I flattered myself that he would treat me with more kindness, or at least with less severity than a total stranger; and every one who recollected me, declared I had been fortunate in getting such a master; and that Ben, on the other hand, could not have drawn a man more ​eminently qualified to render him essential service; as, although his agricultural and commercial speculations were both extensive, he was himself perfectly illiterate, and obliged to hire a free man to attend him at stated times, and arrange his books. But I soon found, to my sorrow, that I had little reason for self-congratulation. 'Tis true, this ignorant and good-for-nothing fellow was glad to avail himself of my talents, and thereby save the expense he had before incurred; but he thought it too much to support me in a ration of provisions in return for my services, though I should have been satisfied therewith. His avarice was such, that he expected me to act in the double capacity of his clerk and labourer; and he accordingly measured out the prescribed portion of ground which he required me to break up with the hoe, well knowing I had not been accustomed to hard labour, and that I was in fact incapable of the task. My remonstrances produced the most unfeeling replies on his part, accompanied with threats of getting me flogged, and every other species of tyrannical persecution. This wretch, though now possessed of thousands, was a few years ago one of the poorest objects in the colony, and as defective in bodily as in mental endowments; nor was his present opulence so much the effect of laudable industry, as of a natural low cunning he possessed, which qualified him to take advantage of floods, ​temporary scarcities, and other casual events; and becoming an adept in the arts of monopoly and extortion, he by degrees attained the rank of a first-rate settler, and, in the opinion of his dependants, but much more so in his own, is a man of consequence. His late prosperity has rendered him over-bearing and cruel to his inferiors (I mean in fortune,) while he is meanly servile to his superiors. In fact, the old proverb "Set a beggar on horseback," &c., was never more aptly applied than to "Big Ben." According to the lately-established custom, I had been assigned to this brute, by indenture, for three years; but the misery of my situation daily increasing, I determined to try every method of obtaining my deliverance from his power. After struggling with many hardships for about five weeks, during which I was generally employed at some laborious work in the field, or in drudgery about the house, from morning till evening, and sleeping in a barn over-run with vermin at night, I at length found means, through the friendly aid of an acquaintance, to escape from the hands of my persecutor, though much against his will; and the reader may judge of the malignity of his disposition by the following circumstance. I must premise that I could get away by no other means than counterfeiting sickness; in consequence of which I was ordered (by the humanity of the resident surgeon,) to the general hospital at Sydney. It would appear ​that Benn suspected this stratagem, for, after trying all he could to obstruct my success, he used these remarkable words at parting, "Aye, you may go;—but if you are six months in the hospital, I'll have you again when you come out. I know you're of no use to me, but I'll keep you, if it's only to torment you." However, as his avarice would not allow him to send a fortnight's ration with me to the hospital, (in which case he might have reclaimed me had I been then discharged,) I knew myself to be effectually free from his further persecution; and I had soon afterwards the pleasure to hear that he had applied for, and obtained, another man in my room. Indeed, so great was my aversion to this unfeeling monster, that I was determined to endure corporal or other punishment rather than have returned to him: but surely, the threat he used on my leaving him, ought, when made known, to have precluded him from ever having it in his power to realize so hellish an idea!