# Horrid Mysteries: a Story/Volume 3/Chapter 3

CHAPTER III.
We now exerted ourselves jointly to settle the Count's affairs as well as it was possible. Before six months were elapsed, we accomplished our purpose, and soon after arrived at the capital of France.
We were obliged to mix with the great world, in order to make discoveries, and to obtain all kinds of assistance in the execution of our plans. The Count spared ​nothing to do credit to his rank and title, and to introduce himself with eclat. His equipage was one of the most splendid at Paris; his servants' liveries were in the highest taste; his dress was selected with elegance; and before many weeks were elapsed, we were introduced in the best circles of the town, and in some received with cordiality.
The amusements of that capital are too well known to require a minute description. The play, dancing, parties of pleasure, and particularly the charm of the fine arts, never miss their aim. The Count was not much attracted by them. My character, on the contrary, impels me forcibly to seek that sort of amusement. We mixed, therefore, with the gay circles, and enjoyed the pleasures of Paris, but without being much diverted. We made new connexions, and continued the old ones, without sacrificing much to them; and spared every day at least a few hours ​for more important conversations in our closet.
It was very favourable to our purpose, that many of my former acquaintances and friends gradually gathered around us. Don Bernhard and Count S******i were the first, and more strongly captivated with our plans than I had left them. They were surprised to the highest degree at Count S******'s adventures, and impatient to have those mysterious incidents elucidated. The sufferings and experiences of some years had ripened our characters, and rendered them more harmonious; and we found, in the mutual exchange of our ideas, comforts, pleasures, and prospects which none of us had expected.
Our method of proceeding was also altered very much through the existing circumstances. Having divested ourselves of our former timidity, we made no secret of our plans, but spoke of them wherever we met; and while we thus gained many ​friends and sharers in our enterprize, we also obtained gradually more resources, and perhaps, defeated thereby many secret machinations of the confederates.
Yet all these favourable circumstances did not, at bottom, bring us much nearer to the mark; for all our power consisted, as yet, in nothing else than in firmness, and in a calculated opposition against probable future events. We had not fixed upon a plan of attack, but left the regulation of our proceedings to the direction of circumstances; yet nothing happened that could have guided us. The Count was inclined to return to Spain; and I would have faithfully followed him, if it had not been for Don Bernhard, and our associated friends, without whose assistance we could not expect to succeed in our undertaking, which, to confess the truth, promised very little, as the centre of the confederacy could easily be shifted; and we had already been convinced that it could exist any where. Thus our prepa​rations were rendered ineffective by the confederates, while they took care to give us no opportunity of applying vigorous measures. We began, by degrees, to grow negligent, because no occasion occurred that could have given energy to our designs. Trifling amusements enervated our desire for great and important deeds; and the female world left us little time to meditate on serious occupations. A constant round of diversions unbraced our minds; and we soon looked upon our plans, which formerly had engaged our whole attention, as an object of exercising our wit. At last an incident happened which seemed to make us forget them entirely. A fatal love affair occasioned a difference between myself and the Count; deprived me, for a long time, of his affection and confidence, before I could prevail upon myself to make some sacrifice to him; and, surprising us unawares, almost terminated our investigations by an ill-fated jealousy. Chance only re-united ​us, and removed the veil of mysteriousness from our eyes.
Caroline de B****** was of an ancient and noble family in Picardy. She was not rich; however, her fortune was sufficient to afford her a good education, and to render her no despicable party. She was not handsome; but her complexion was fresh, her shape elegant, and her deportment natural and winning. She possessed an unaffected gaiety, which graced all her movements, and gave them diversity and novity. She neither possessed a striking wit, nor an uncommon understanding: however, her sallies were always pleasing; and her modesty, good-nature, and evenness of temper, spoke highly in her favour. As for her character, I might well say, she had none; it was, at least, impossible to discern it; for she accommodated herself with so much ease and simplicity to the individual disposition of those with whom she conversed, and adapted herself in so natural a manner to ​the humours of those with whom she was connected, that every one imagined to see in her his own picture. As for her heart, I may truly say that it was pure and noble.
It was, indeed, very unfortunate for us that we did not get sooner acquainted with that amiable being. If we had seen her on our introduction into our social circle, the impression she would have made upon us, would, perhaps, not have been so strong, or soon have been obliterated by other charming objects. But now we were tired by too much art; and our hearts being over-fatigued by the intricate mazes of the most consummate female coquetry, were in want of a place of rest in the lap of simple nature.
Caroline charmed us at first sight. We got acquainted with her at an evening assembly which we frequented almost every day to play at cards. Caroline had already, sometime before our arrival, accompanied some friends into the country; and being ​a constant member of the cheerful circle where we met her, her return occasioned some confusion in the arrangement of the gaming-party. As soon as she perceived this, she declared that she would not play with us, but was determined to be received again into the party to which she belonged before she went into the country. This whim threw the whole company into a new confusion. Those with whom she desired to associate again, were already used to their new companions, and did not shew the least inclination to quit them; and their ladies were not less disinclined to be abandoned by their partners on Caroline's account. The general commotion to which this gave rise terminated at last in a loud laughter, which covered the face of the poor girl with a high crimson colour, and she declared that she would not play at all. Tranquillity and order were soon restored, and I seated myself by her side on the sofa; not ill pleased with the termination of that ridiculous affair. ​However, the Count's mind was far from being easy. It is almost impossible to brook such an incident with indifference with an irritability like his, which was unimpaired by misfortunes. Anger boiled in his heart, and he only wanted an opportunity of giving vent to it. A fire, whose nature I was no stranger to, flushed in his eye, and seemed to search an object. I ridiculed his agitation, and begged him to be easy: however, he replied; "Fye upon you, Carlos; how can you be so torpid?" "He then fixed his eyes upon a German officer, who played at some distance from us, and continued to smile at our disaster. "Don't you comprehend," he resumed, "that all this is pre-concerted?"
He was, perhaps, not much mistaken, if he suspected the German officer, who called himself Baron de H******, to have acted in this affair with some malicious heat, and with design. Yet he was not a man that could submit to be scoffed at ​without chastising the offender. He knew the Baron already at Gibraltar, where he had fought with him against the Britons, and, by a strange accident, was his rival in the love of a Spanish lady. This had already incensed him against the Baron; and an affair of a later date, which I am going to relate, made him his implacable enemy.
The Count kept an actress of the royal opera, a charming girl, of uncommon wit, and a great knowledge of man; an excellent companion, but not very famous for her fidelity. Although he was not over fond of her, keeping her rather for fashion's sake than from inclination, yet he looked upon her favours as goods which he had bought, and which no one could intrude upon without violating his property. His vanity contributed to render his ambition still more tender with regard to that point; and there was a period when his mind was entirely occupied with plans of securing the fidelity of his Amasia ​against all temptations which might be thrown into her way. But how was it possible he could have interrupted all the connections of a vain, voluptuous, and covetous girl, who had made it the study of her life to insnare men, and to jilt them, in her fetters? In short, he had sufficient reason for being jealous, and particularly of his sworn rival, Baron de H******.
An odd incident served to blow up that dormant fire into a blazing flame. He went one evening over the Pont Neuf to pay her a visit; and intending to surprise her unexpectedly, to be certain of her infidelity, he had put on a blue coat, and taken only one servant with him. On coming to the middle of the bridge, he was at once surrounded by a troop of intoxicated citizens, who had drowned their sorrows in large bumpers, and, by their inebrity, were led to commit a number of ridiculous frolicks. One of them having engaged to discover the profession of every ​passenger by his external appearance, they had placed themselves upon that spot to observe every one that went over the bridge, and the Count was unfortunately the first that happened to come into their way.
He that was to guess at the profession of the passengers, was extremely puzzled by the Count's appearance; a wager of some louis d'ors having been laid. He easily conceived, notwithstanding the disguise of my friend, by his gait and shape, that he was of a superior rank. He hesitated, therefore, some moments to pronounce his opinions; crossing his arms, and gaping at the Count. The latter being struck by the oddity of that scene, could not help smiling, which inspired the drunken inquisitor with additional courage. He turned, therefore, to his comrades, who were diverted by his perplexity, exclaiming, "I will be d———d, if I don't guess that gentleman's profession: I lay you one louis d'or more that he is a cuckold." ​The whole company broke out into a roaring laughter; and the decision of the wager depending on the confession of the other party, they pressed the poor Count, in their merry humour, to confess the fact. My friend being armed with no other weapon of defence, but a cane, was in danger of being torn to pieces. He defended himself as well as he could; but, without the assistance of some soldiers, who came to his relief, he would probably have been forced to make the ridiculous confession.
Thus he was seasonably extricated from the danger which had threatened him; but, far from taking the whole affair for what it really was, an accidental frolick, he imagined it to have been pre-concerted, to give him a hint of the infidelity of his mistress; he fancied, at least, the whole town was already informed of his cuckoldom. His blood began violently to ferment, he quickened his steps to the house of his mistress, and entered her ​apartment in the height of his passion, abusing the poor, trembling girl with the bitterest reproaches. However, she soon collected herself; and having attempted in vain to soothe his rage, by tears and tender remonstrances, asked him, at length, coolly, "whether she should ring for her people, or whether he preferred to quit her house without their assistance?" He chose the latter; and she appeared the next day in public as the declared mistress of Baron de H******. This affair recurred, on the present occasion, to the recollection of my friend, and he imagined the Baron's malicious smiles alluded to it. He went, therefore, to him, whispering in his ear, "Baron, you will give me leave to ask you, how far you are concerned in this affair?"
The Baron made a low bow, replying, smiling, in German, "My Lord, I shall give you every explanation on that head you can wish for."
​The place where we were being not proper for pushing the matter any farther, the Count pretended to be satisfied with this answer, and retired; yet I could plainly see what was going on in his mind. Caroline did every thing in her power to make us forget the consequences of her little caprice, displaying her mental charms with a most bewitching humour, nature, and elegance. She endeavoured to dispel the gloom which frowned on the Count's brow, telling him, that she would try her fortune with him the next day: however, nothing was capable of restoring the harmony of his soul; and while I felt myself as happy as a god by Caroline's side, and reviewed all my ideas to select for her the most natural and intelligible sentiments, he was absorpt in a gloomy reverie, from which he scarcely awoke now and then.
Supper was, at length, served up, and we sat down to table in tolerable good humour and harmony. The conversation turning on the siege of Gibraltar, the ​company were desirous to know the particulars of it. The Count was requested to favour us with a circumstantial relation of that remarkable siege; but declined it with a great deal of politeness and modesty, directing the company to beg that favour of Baron de H******, who had given many proofs of his courage and superior talents on that occasion. The Baron, having not the least suspicion that his conduct on that occasion was notorious, accepted the challenge, with a presumptuous smile, as a just tribute of his merits, and began his narrative. I was astonished to hear with how much barefacedness that fellow interlarded his relation with a number of various adventures in which he pretended to have been engaged. There was no rencounter in which he had not acted a principal part: he made the whole company shudder at the dangers which he pretended to have experienced during the war; and it was merely owing to his modesty and delicacy that he forbore to speak ​also of those to which he was exposed by the fair sex. I am firmly convinced, that he flattered himself to have sold his rodomontades for sterling truth, as he did not take the least notice of the suspicious smiles of the company, and would certainly have carried his impudence still further, if the Count had not interrupted him at the conclusion of a most romantic adventure with the words, "And then you awoke?" An audible whisper, which ran through the company when the Count uttered these sarcastic words, roused him completely from his infatuation, and he stopped half a minute, glowing with shame and rage.
He then was going to vent his fury upon the Count, when the latter interrupted him with the greatest politeness, turning to the company, and begging leave to relate also an incident which happened at that time. The whole company signified their approbation; but few only guessed what was to come. The Count began his ​story, directing some significant looks at the Baron, who wanted to continue his tale, and only could be silenced by the general clamour of the company.
"When we raised the siege of Gibraltar," the Count resumed, "most of those who had expected to gain honor and preferment on that expedition as volunteers, abandoned every idea of making a new attempt; three of my comrades, and myself, resigned on the spot, and went farther into the country, to recover from the fatigues of the campaign, and to visit an intimate friend of mine, who had married a charming and rich Spanish lady. Our journey was more pleasant than is usual in Spain. Two of my companions, who resembled me in their temper and good humour, as well as myself, found every where sufficient opportunities for diversion; and when nothing occurred that could afford us amusement, the comical lies, and rodomontades, of our fourth fellow-traveller, ​made us forget the badness of the roads and the poverty of the inns.
"Don Antonio (thus we will call him) was one of the strangest human beings nature has produced. He had a pretty good share of understanding, and not little experience, but was of a most singular disposition. Although he knew that we had been eye witnesses of, and concerned in, almost all engagements, in which he displayed very little of the hero, yet he invented a number of adventures, in which he pretended to have acted a principal part, and endeavoured to persuade us of his veracity by a semblance of the greatest candour, as well as by numberless oaths.
"Well invented!" we frequently used to exclaim, "though it is not true!" However, he pledged his honour, and, what was still more important, his tried courage, for the truth of his tale. We resolved, therefore, unanimously, to try, ​on the next opportunity, how far we could rely upon the latter.
"Our common friend received us as well as we could expect, and did every thing in his power to prolong our stay with him, and to give us pleasure. His country seat united all the charms of the Spanish clime, and our rural diversions were seasoned by the pleasant flows of humorous sallies. We played most charming little tricks; and our sociable harmony prevented us from being offended when, now and then, our frolicks degenerated into something more than jest. Our hostess and host soon knew Antonio's weak side as well as we did; and we resolved to repay him with a vengeance, on the first opportunity, all the liberties he had taken with us, and soon were enabled to carry our purpose into execution.
"A sudden noise arose in the castle, one night, while we were at supper in a garden-house. Some of the servants came running, pale and with ghastly looks, to ​inform our host secretly, that a ghost had been seen in one of the apartments. The Marquis acquainted us instantly with that intelligence. The ladies grew deadly pale, and started up from their chairs. Some gentlemen, who happily had succeeded to suppress the first emotions of fear, began to raise a loud laughter, and to ridicule the cowardice of the servants. The Marquis, however, declared the affair ought to be treated more seriously; ordered the servants to light some torches; and begging the ladies to keep themselves quiet and easy till his return, took up his sword, and begged us to follow him.
"Now a very tender scene took place. The married ladies, as well as those of the unmarried, who had a lover amongst us, began solemnly to protest against that resolution, and conjured us not to leave them unprotected. The Marquis, however, entreated them to give him leave not to suffer himself to be robbed thus quietly; and, after a number of remonstrances, ​admonitions, and obsecrations, had been exchanged, it was agreed to examine the affair in the company of the ladies. The latter took fearfully hold of the arms of their neighbours, the servants led the way with a blaze of torches, and we covered the procession with drawn swords.
"I did not rightly know what to think of the matter, which appeared to me to be rather strange, and quite unpre-concerted. It was impossible to draw any conclusion from the looks of our host. He really seemed to be rather agitated, and I knew that he was but a poor dissembler. I also could not imagine that he wantonly would alarm a whole company, merely to punish an individual. I concluded, therefore, that really something must have happened; and giving, at that time, very little credit to the apparition of ghosts, suspected some roguery, and resolved to behave with as much courage as my unhappy education would allow in that point.
​"I grew, at length, so tranquil and cool, that I was capable of making observations on the company. At first, a general, profound, and anxious silence prevailed amongst us, and was only now and then interrupted by a solitary sigh, which escaped some of our companions. Don Antonio uttered, at length, the greatest oath he could find in the visible agony of his mind. His fair neighbour (for he had carefully avoided to offer his arm to one of the ladies, in order to be at full liberty to take to his heels in case of necessity) conjured him to be quiet. However, he probably mistook this for a challenge to regale the company with some more of his fine exclamations, and repeated every oath he knew, to protest that he was impatient to have the pleasure of engaging a ghost. Yet, notwithstanding these strong protestations, he could not help looking fearfully around now and then, and keeping carefully between the two servants who closed the train. He even made, at ​intervals, a certain noise with his teeth, which is not accounted to be a token of heroism, when the wind rustled a little stronger betwixt the leaves, and became more and more silent the nearer we approached the castle. The rest of the company were also not entirely free of fearful apprehensions; and there was not one who did not exhibit stronger or weaker symptoms of anxious apprehensions.
"A sudden gust of wind, which extinguished some of the torches, served to encrease the fear which prevailed in our heroic society: and some of the ladies protested they would not advance a step farther, if they were not lighted again immediately. We were, therefore, obliged to halt, which happening frequently, our march was very much retarded; and those that were more fearful than the rest, gained time to communicate their apprehensions to their neighbours, and to infect even the servants, who, at first, had displayed pretty much courage.
​"We arrived, at length, at the castle-gate. The haunted apartment was on the first floor; but the anxiety of the company displayed itself already at the staircase which led to the great hall. Numberless fears and apprehensions exhibited themselves on the countenances of my fellow-adventurers, which were rendered more visible by their painful exertions to conceal them from the rest. We now counted the company, to see whether none had stayed behind; and were struck with astonishment, on finding that the Chevalier Antonio was missing. We were already going to ridicule his cowardice severely, and felt ourselves strongly inclined to laugh at the desertion of his vaunted courage, when he convinced us that we had wronged him; for he came running out of breath, and wiping the sweat from his face. He even asked, with a great clamour, why we did not proceed; and the whole company being re-animated with new ​courage by his noisy exhortations, advanced towards the great staircase.
"But now a new difficulty arose; none of us being willing or able to ascend the steps first. The Marquis was retained by his lady, and the rest were stopt by his example. At length, she suffered him to proceed, after he had asked her angrily, whether he took him for a child; and Antonio, who was in the rear, had exclaimed, Why we did not go on? He now ascended the stairs; and myself, with a friend of mine, who had taken me by the arm, pushed through the rest, and followed him closely, while the greater part of the company were loitering partly at the bottom, and partly in the middle, of the staircase, according to their respective share of courage. We did not mind their backwardness, and proceeded towards the haunted apartment with a great show of courage, but I dare say not without palpitating hearts.
​"The servants, who carried the torches, being in the rear, I went back to provide myself with one. The whole troop, who followed us slowly, watching every step of ours, were put in motion by my hasty return; and some, who were already at the landing-place, put themselves in motion to turn back on the first signal. I could not help smiling at the fear of men who had fought like lions before Gibraltar, faced all the dangers and hardships of that fatal siege with coolness and bravery, and now were overcome so much by the prejudices of their religion and education, as to give way to a most extraordinary and childish fear. Instead of being infected by their example, I derived additional courage from their unmanly conduct, returned laughing to my friend, and opening the door for the Marquis, went before him with a torch.
"However, we started a few steps back, seized with terror, as soon as we had entered the apartment; and the rest ​of the company, who were awaiting the event, hurried instantly down stairs. Before two seconds were elapsed, we were forsaken by the whole train, except a servant of the Marquis, who was uncommonly attached to his master, and would not leave him in the danger which seemed to threaten us. The sight which we beheld was, indeed, terrible enough. An enormous figure, with large, fiery eyes, advanced towards us; and I do not know whether an antecedent transitory fright does not sharpen the senses and the judgment; for I made, almost immediately, an observation which considerably diminished my fear.
"First of all, the figure was too grotesque. What a moderate deception would have effected, is generally frustrated by an extravagant one. I could not help remarking that the figure resembled the giant who challenged Don Quixote, the celebrated knight of the woeful countenance. This laughable idea, which ​forced itself upon my mind, made me suspect the whole; for as soon as I advanced further with my torch, I perceived a second figure, sneaking into an adjoining apartment, which communicated with those of the Marchioness that bordered on the garden. The room in which we were was a state-chamber of the Marquis. This train of ideas came almost in a moment in my mind; and looking around, I missed a silver clock which used to stand on a table. Having seen it in its place before we went to supper, I could easily account for the apparition.
"I took, therefore, our dubious host by the arm, exclaiming, "They are thieves, as true as I am alive! Don't you see that your clock is gone?" He was struck by that remark, and we instantly attacked the phantom with drawn swords. However, the human spectre had a long staff in its hand, with which it parried our thrusts excellently. The servant entering with a candle, along with my friend, I ​observed that the torch which I still held in my left hand was in my way, and threw it into my antagonist's face. His headdress caught fire; and I threw my sword down, taking hold of his stick. The Marquis did the same: we began to embrace him in a most violent manner, and before half a minute was elapsed, came with him down upon the floor. The fellow being seized with despair, displayed a more than human strength, and could have killed every one of us if he had been armed. Being, however, engaged by four men at once, he was soon exhausted; and begged us, in a hollow accent, to spare him. The Marquis promised ⟨to⟩ pardon him; and he confessed that he belonged to a band of five robbers, who had intended to avail themselves of the bustle our festival produced in the castle, to plunder it: in short, he confirmed my suspicion.
"His hands were tied, and he was committed to the guard of the servants. The ​Marquis and my friend examined every apartment, in order to apprehend the rest of the gang; and I went down stairs to send some servants to their assistance. A death-like silence reigned every where, and not one human being was to be seen. They even had left some candles upon the stairs, to effect their escape with more ease. At the bottom of the staircase I found a lady who had been left there in a swoon; and a little farther I discovered Don Antonio in a condition that was not much better. As soon as he heard a noise on the stairs, he covered his face with his handkerchief, and expected a happy deliverance, seized with a most painful agony."
"Prepare thyself for eternity, Don Antonio!" I exclaimed, on coming nearer; "for thou must die!"
"Spare me, O! spare me only this time!" he stammered, in a hollow and broken accent, which scarcely was intelligible.
​"No mercy this time!" I replied laughing, in my natural accent. He knew me instantly, took the handkerchief from his face, and gazing at me with astonishment, said, highly rejoiced, "Dear Count, is it you? are you still alive? You have played me a fine trick."
"I now gave him a brief account of the whole affair, and recommended the fainting lady to his care. This animated him at once with new life, and he hastened to her with the alacrity of a buck to lend his assistance.
"I found the servants dispersed in different parts of the garden, and called to them to assist their master. The rest of the company were returned to the garden-house, and there awaited the event in great anxiety. When I entered the door, the ladies sat up a loud scream, because they did not at first know me, and mistook me for the ghost. I never beheld a more singular scene than that. Every distinction of rank and sex was suspended for a while. ​The general panic having driven the whole company into a corner of the saloon, the coyest ladies sat upon the lap of their lovers; the most obstinate shrew clung round the neck of her patient husband, and the bitterest enemies and rivals held one another enfolded in their arms in the most amicable manner.
"At length, they perceived their mistake, joyfully exclaiming, with one voice, "It is the Count! it is the Count!"
"It is impossible to describe the astonishment and the rapture with which I was received; not so much on my account, than because they saw themselves relieved from their apprehensions. I gave them a brief account of the affair; and when I had finished my report, the Chevalier joined us with the lady whom I had recommended to his care.
"Was the Chevalier also present?" one of the company exclaimed.
"Most certainly; he acted a principal part," I replied.
​"This made Don Antonio suppose that I had not yet related the incident; he therefore took my assertion for a compliment paid to his courage, bowed, and began, with the greatest impudence, to relate the affair, with some additions and embellishments of his own invention. We listened patiently to his tale: however, the Marquis had mean time entered the saloon, and hearing his rodomontades, was struck with his barefaced impudence. He took his resolution on the spot, and winking me to follow him into the garden, communicated a plan to me, which was to make Don Antonio spend the night in a different manner than he seemed to expect.
"Our measures were soon taken; and we had only to give a hint to the Marchioness, in which I fortunately succeeded on my return into the saloon. She comprehended me so quickly, and so completely, that I concluded we only anticipated her design; thus much had Antonio exaspe​rated the company by his barefaced fictions.
"Our return restored cheerfulness and merriment to our sociable circle. We sat gaily down to the desert, ridiculing one another for our fear, and the heroes of the drama earned the deserved applause. Nothing makes people more daring than a danger which has been happily overcome. There was not one amongst us who could not have defied all the infernal spirits; and but very few who did not loudly declaim against the existence of apparitions, as we had been fortunate enough to have discovered the human nature of one. It may easily be conceived who was the most clamorous amongst us. Don Antonio swore that he had laughed immoderately at our childish fear, that he had wanted to make game at me when I came down, and had been alarmed by nothing in the world than the situation of the lady.
"Our hostess now interrupted him, declaring, that her education, as well as a ​certain circumstance, did not allow her to coincide with the opinion most of the company seemed to have adopted. Every one being curious to know that circumstance, she was pressed to relate it; upon which she protested that it was no secret, that, every night, at twelve o'clock, such a terrible noise was heard in the chapel of the castle, that one expected it would be turned upside down. The Marquis raised a loud laugh, in which he was joined by the whole company, but particularly by Don Antonio, who, probably recollecting that midnight was already past, proposed to the company to go with him into the chapel. However, the Marchioness dissembled to pay no attention to what he said, and feigned to be offended by the ridicule which her information had been received with; declaring, that she would lay any wager, that none of the gentlemen who were pleased to laugh at her, would fetch a fan she had left in her pew in the afternoon.
​"A general silence of some seconds was the consequence of this declaration. The Marquis, at length, thought proper to interrupt it, declaring, that he would cheerfully accept the wager, and that he was firmly persuaded any one of the gentlemen present would render her that service instantly with the greatest pleasure. We all confirmed his declaration, and begged the Marchioness to choose her hero. She now surveyed the whole circle, and Don Antonio always turned pale when she seemed to be going to fix upon him. Her looks were, to his greatest joy, several times fixed upon me; yet poor Antonio had, at length, the misfortune to be singled out by her. The Chevalier being bound by his word of honour, could not but accept the charge, and thank her for her good opinion of him. Having once more stolen a clandestine look at his watch, and convinced himself that it was near two o'clock, he took his sword, and left us with a very martial air. Yet his cou​rage failed him already at the door. Having inadvertently unfastened the red cockade of his hat, it fell into his face. He was violently frightened; but when we began to laugh, and declared that it was a bad omen, he collected himself again, and looking at us with an indescribable contempt, on account of our supposed timidity, flung the cockade into a corner. We took it up, resolving to make a good use of it. He had no sooner quitted the saloon, than the Marquis communicated his plan and measures to the company, asking the gentlemen which of them would act a part in the farce he was going to play? Don Joachim F******, a man like a giant, and Don Romero L******, who was rather of a dwarfish stature, offered instantly to act the principal parts. Our plan now was briefly concerted, and the company rose to follow the Chevalier at a distance, and, if possible, to get the start of him."
​"Never has a plan better succeeded. The sky was indeed overclouded; however, it was not so dark that we could not have discerned the objects at some distance; and we could clearly perceive that Don Antonio anxiously listened at every bush before he approached it, and that his steps grew slower and slower, the nearer he came to the wall of the church-yard. He brandished his sword to frighten away the spirits, and at length arrived at the gate of the church-yard. He opened it with a great noise, and shut it again in the same violent manner. He, at the same time, began to sing and to whistle with all his might, struck against all the crosses that came in his way; but soon lost his way, and stumbled over one tomb-stone after the other, which enabled us to steal into the chapel from the opposite side about ten minutes before his arrival. Having missed the large gate, it was almost impossible for him to come to the pew of the ​Marchioness, because he would have been obliged to climb over all the other seats.
"There was only one lady in our company, who, however, had almost spoiled the whole sport. For when she saw the poor Chevalier climbing over the pews, and heard him groan in a most rueful accent, she broke out into an immoderate laughter, and endeavouring to stifle it, rendered it only more hideous. I had placed myself near the organ; and being at a loss how to remedy the fault she had committed, accompanied her with a still more disharmonious passage on the instrument. This produced an effect which surpassed my most sanguine expectation, as but little wind was in the bellows, and I never was an adept in music.
"The poor Chevalier was almost petrified. He sat down in a pew, and awaited, in a kind of stupefaction, the things that were to come. I am sure he would have cared neither for the fan nor for his reputation, if he had had the least hope of getting ​safe out of the chapel. In this distress he looked anxiously about for an asylum, and seeing something of a white colour, which were the pillars of the pulpit, shine through the dusk, that prevailed around him, he climbed over the remaining pews to get at that supposed place of safety.
"We thought it our duty to light him on that expedition. A great electric machine, which the Marquis had ordered to be placed near the pulpit, served our purpose excellently, emitting from the conductor, at first, large sparks, and then a whole electric stream. We also lighted some candles of the large chandelier, which was suspended in the centre of the chapel, by means of a quantity of hemp, which was overspread with sulphur and pitch. However, we soon extinguished the candles again. Two servants, who were stationed at the church-yard, broke some panes of glass, which came with a great noise into the chapel: the doors were opened and shut again; the howling of ​cats was imitated; some of the company blew a strong current of air into his face by means of large bellows; the shrill sound of whistles re-echoed from every corner; and as the effect of the electrical machine grew stronger, whole streams of fire illuminated the chapel at intervals. We also had contrived to tie cords round his arms and legs, which made the poor fellow believe that he was spell-bound. In short, the effect of our contrivance was so great, that the actors themselves could not help shuddering now and then.
"Mean time, a thick smoke arose near the altar, and Don Joachim F****** and Don Romero L****** stepped forth from its grisly womb, dressed like devils. The latter being of a very diminutive size, made the former appear a great deal more gigantic than he really was. The garments of either were streaked with phosphorus; and Don Joachim F****** carried a large lanthorn on his head, on which was written, "Sinner, prepare thyself, for ​thou must die!" Don Romero had the cockade which Don Antonio had flung on the ground, and now was stained with phosphorus, fixed to his head. Both of them extended two long fiery arms, the extremities of which were armed with claws, and howled some hollow accents. Antonio shut his eyes when he saw these two frightful figures, and did not open them for some minutes.
"However, the scene was soon changed to our mutual terror. The pulpit-door opened; a man, clad in a white robe, armed with a large cross, and carrying a lanthorn, stept forth. He was soon followed by one more, clad in black.
"It was the pastor of the place, and the sexton, who had heard the uproar in the chapel. The Marquis having neglected to inform them of our nocturnal undertaking, they were come to see what was the matter. We soon knew them; however, the two disguised devils, who never had seen them before, imagined ​that they were apparitions from another world, their late fear seized them again, and they ran with all possible speed towards the door. They had, however, the misfortune to lose their way between the pews; Don Joachim's lanthorn dropt from his head, and fell in Don Romero's face; the one was frightened at the other; yet the latter had the presence of mind to take it up, to fasten it to one of his long artificial arms, which he took upon his shoulder, and thus happily gained the door. His giant-like assistant was close at his heels.
"But now a new misfortune happened; for when the priest began his exorcisms, both of them were tempted to look once more back; the little one, who led the way, turning suddenly round, knocked the lanthorn so violently into the face of his tall companion, that the latter, imagining to have received a blow from a spirit, dropped half dead upon the ground. Don Romero was terribly frightened at ​that incident, but retained sufficient recollection to disencumber himself of every thing that could retard him on his flight, and to leap with the greatest agility over the graves. Yet the terror which pervaded his agitated mind did not leave him sufficient power to proceed far, and he seated himself, at length, half fainting, upon a tombstone, patiently awaiting the event.
"The Marquis now resolved to put an end to the whole scene; and making a signal to the servants, the machinery was concealed as well as possible; every one of the actors stole silently out of the chapel, and the whole company met at the great gate. The first thing we did was to restore Don Joachim to the use of his senses; Don Romero soon joined us; and having lighted our torches, we repaired again to the chapel.
"The priest was still preaching. He had taken the candle out of the lanthorn, and fixed it upon the pulpit, devoutly ​reading the exorcisms from his book. The Marquis now stepped before the pulpit, asking the priest what his strange behaviour meant, if he was in his senses, or had lost his understanding? Yet he remained some time longer in his error; and recollecting, at length, the voice of his master, was seized with amazement, and gave us a brief account of his transactions. The Marquis then begged him to go home, and we hastened to assist the poor Chevalier.
"We were struck with terror on perceiving not the least sign of life in him. His pulse ceased to beat, and the Marquis repented already the whole affair, thinking to have carried the jest rather too far, when the poor fellow, at once, opened his eyes to our greatest joy. Yet he still fancied to be in the power of spirits, and cried aloud for assistance. We scarcely could convince him that we were human beings, and come in quest of him. He now was carried to the castle, and put to bed; having ​entirely lost the use of his speech. When we visited him the next morning, we found him quite restored, and he informed us that he had fallen asleep at chapel, and had a terrible dream."
Here the Count concluded his tale, which we had listened to with the greatest pleasure, though most of us had heard it already, and knew very well who the person was whom he had introduced under the name of Antonio. The Baron was covered with shame, and had lost the power of utterance, yet was prudent enough to suppress his wrath.
What rendered the whole tale most entertaining, was the presence of Don Romero L******, a man of known courage, honesty, and of an excellent temper, who made no secret of his defects; and, at the close of the history, exclaimed, "By holy Peter! I was terribly frightened."
"Then you also was present on that occasion?" one of the company asked, laughing.
​"Yes! yes!" he resumed; "and the Baron yonder, too, was not far off."
The laughter encreased. However, the Baron thought it proper to bridle his passions, and not to reply a syllable, but to wait for a more favourable opportunity to revenge himself upon the Count, which he very nearly had found that very night.
We now conversed a little longer on different subjects, and then parted, as it seemed, entirely reconciled to one another. The Count saw Caroline to her carriage, and soon after went home with me, to all appearance completely happy.
He was used to sit every night half an hour with me on my sofa, and to converse on the occurrences of the day; but that time his mind was so much occupied with the past events, that he forgot it, and went directly to his apartment, which occasioned one of the drollest scenes of my life.
To make myself perfectly understood, I must premise a brief description of the ​arrangement of our house. The ground floor was occupied by our landlady, a mantua-maker; the first floor was inhabited by the Count and myself; and my servants lodged in the second floor. Our landlady was a young, gay woman, who understood her profession excellently, and made the utmost of every little advantage. She not only let the remaining apartments of the ground floor to compassionate ladies, but her charitable disposition was so great, that she also admitted some young gentlemen by day and night to her own room. The Count and myself being very much displeased with her conduct, we had taken a resolution to quit her house the subsequent week.
The Baron had visited us sometimes, and taken a liking to our little gay landlady. He was not used to slip an opportunity of ingratiating himself with the ladies; yet our hostess did not think proper to be kind to the Baron; and some weeks elapsed before he could make any consi​derable advances in her favour, notwithstanding the great pains he took to make her favourably disposed to him. But learning, at length, that two floors in her house soon would be evacuated, he paid for that which the Count inhabited beforehand, and, in return, put himself in possession of the happiness he had been hunting after for some time. He paid, that very night, a visit to his future landlady; and was safely housed in her bed when the adventure occurred which I now am going to relate.