# Hudibras/Part 2/Canto 1

PART II.CANTO I.
ARGUMENT.
The Knight being clapp'd by th' heels in prison, The last unhappy expedition, Love brings his action on the case, And lays it upon Hudibras. How he receives the lady's visit, And cunningly solicits his suit, Which she defers: yet, on parole, Redeems him from th' enchanted hole.
* ↑ In the editions previous to 1674, the lines stand thus: The knight, by damnable magician, Being cast illegally in prison.
* ↑ An action on the case, is an action for redress of wrongs and injuries, done without force, and not specially provided against by law.
* ↑ The first editions read revi's. To revie means to cover a sum put down upon a hand at cards with a larger sum; also to retort or recriminate. See Wright's Provincial Dictionary.
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PART II. CANTO I.
UT now, t' observe romantique method, Let bloody steel awhile be sheathed: And all those harsh and rugged sounds Of bastinadoes, cuts, and wounds, Exchang'd to love's more gentle style, 5 To let our reader breathe awhile: In which, that we may be as brief as Is possible, by way of preface. Is't not enough to make one strange, That some men's fancies should ne'er change, 10 But make all people do and say The same things still the self-same way Some writers make all ladies purloin'd. And knights pursuing like a whirlwind: Others make all their knights, in fits15 Of jealousy, to lose their wits;
Till drawing blood o' th' dames, like witches, They're forthwith cur'd of their capriches. Some always thrive in their amours, By pulling plasters off their sores;20 As cripples do to get an alms, Just so do they, and win their dames. Some force whole regions, in despite O' geography, to change their site; Make former times shake hands with latter,25 And that which was before, come after; But those that write in rhyme still make The one verse for the other's sake; For one for sense, and one for rhyme, I think's sufficient at one time.30 But we forget in what sad plight We whilom left the captiv'd Knight And pensive Squire, both bruis'd in body And conjur'd into safe custody. Tir'd with dispute and speaking Latin,35 As well as basting and bear-baiting, And desperate of any course To free himself by wit or force. His only solace was, that now His dog-bolt fortune was so low,40
That either it must quickly end Or turn about again, and mend: In which he found the event, no less Than other times, beside his guess. There is a tall long-sided dame,—45 But wond'rous light—yeleped Fame, That like a thin chameleon boards Herself on air, and eats her words; Upon her shoulders wings she wears Like hanging sleeves, lin'd thro' with ears,50 And eyes, and tongues, as poets list. Made good by deep mythologist. With these she thro' the welkin flies, And sometimes carries truth, oft lies: With letters hung, like eastern pigeons.55 And Mercuries of furthest regions;
Diurnals writ for regulation Of lying, to inform the nation, And by their public use to bring down The rate of whetstones in the kingdom.60 About her neck a packet-mail. Fraught with advice, some fresh, some stale, Of men that walk'd when they were dead, And cows of monsters brought to bed: Of hail-stones big as pullets' eggs,65 And puppies whelp'd with twice two legs: A blazing star seen in the west, By six or seven men at least. Two trumpets she does sound at once, But both of clean contrary tones; 70 But whether both with the same wind, Or one before, and one behind, We know not, only this can tell, The one sounds vilely, th' other well; And therefore vulgar authors name 75 Th' one Good, th' other Evil Fame.
This tattling gossip knew too well, What mischief Hudibras befell; And straight the spiteful tidings bears, Of all, to th' unkind widow's ears.80 Democritus ne'er laugh'd so loud, To see bawds carted through the crowd, Or funerals with stately pomp, March slowly on in solemn dump. As she laugh'd out, until her back, 85 As well as sides, was like to crack. She vow'd she would go see the sight, And visit the distressed Knight, To do the office of a neighbour. And be a gossip at his labour; 90 And from his wooden jail, the stocks. To set at large his fetter-locks, And by exchange, parole, or ransom, To free him from th' enchanted mansion. This b'ing resolv'd, she call'd for hood 95 And usher, implements abroad Which ladies wear, beside a slender Young waiting damsel to attend her. All which appearing, on she went To find the Knight in limbo pent. 100 And 'twas not long before she found Him, and his stout Squire, in the pound; Both coupled in enchanted tether, By further leg behind together:
For as he sat upon his rump,105 His head like one in doleful dump, Between his knees, his hands applied Unto his ears on either side. And by him, in another hole, Afflicted Ralpho, cheek by joul.110 She came upon him in his wooden Magician's circle, on the sudden, As spirits do t' a conjurer, When in their dreadful'st shapes th' appear. No sooner did the Knight perceive her,115 But straight he fell into a fever, Inflam'd all over with disgrace, To b' seen by her in such a place; Which made him hang his head, and scowl And wink and goggle like an owl;120 He felt his brains begin to swim, When thus the Dame accosted him: This place, quoth she, they say's enchanted, And with delinquent spirits haunted; That here are tied in chains, and scourg'd,125 Until their guilty crimes be purg'd: Look, there are two of them appear Like persons I have seen somewhere: Some have mistaken blocks and posts For spectres, apparitions, ghosts,130 With saucer-eyes and horns; and some Have heard the devil beat a drum: But if our eyes are not false glasses, That give a wrong account of faces, That beard and I should be acquainted,135 Before 'twas conjur'd and enchanted, For though it be disfigur'd somewhat, As if 't had lately been in combat,
It did belong t' a worthy Knight, Howe'er this goblin is come by't.140 When Hudibras the lady heard, Discoursing thus upon his beard. And speak with such respect and honour, Both of the beard and the beard's owner, He thought it best to set as good145 A face upon it as he could, And thus he spoke: Lady, your bright And radiant eyes are in the right; The beard's th' identique beard you knew, The same numerically true: 150 Nor is it worn by fiend or elf, But its proprietor himself. O heavens! quoth she, can that be true? I do begin to fear 'tis you; Not by your individual whiskers,155 But by you dialect and discourse, That never spoke to man or beast, In notions vulgarly exprest: But what malignant star, alas! Has brought you both to this sad pass?160 Quoth he. The fortune of the war, Which I am less afflicted for,
Than to be seen with beard and face By you in such a homely case. Quoth she, Those need not be asham'd 165 For being honourably maim'd; If he that is in battle conquer'd Have any title to his own beard, Tho' yours be sorely lugg'd and torn, It does your visage more adorn 170 Than if 'twere prun'd, and starch'd, and lander'd, And cut square by the Russian standard. A torn beard's like a tatter'd ensign. That's bravest which there are most rents in. That petticoat, about your shoulders, 175 Does not so well become a soldier's; And I'm afraid they are worse handled, Altho' i' th' rear your beard the van led; And those uneasy bruises make My heart for company to ache, 180 To see so worshipful a friend I' th' pillory set, at the wrong end. Quoth Hudibras, This thing call'd pain, Is, as the learned Stoics maintain, Not bad simpliciter, nor good,185 But merely as 'tis understood.
Sense is deceitful, and may feign As well in counterfeiting pain As other gross phenomenas, In which it oft mistakes the case,190 But since th' immortal intellect, That's free from error and defect, Whose objects still persist the same, Is free from outward bruise or maim, Which nought external can expose 195 To gross material bangs or blows, It follows we can ne'er be sure Whether we pain or not endure; And just so far are sore and griev'd. As by the fancy is believ'd. 200 Some have been wounded with conceit, And died of mere opinion straight; Others, tho' wounded sore, in reason Felt no contusion, nor discretion. A Saxon Duke did grow so fat, 205 That mice, as histories relate, Ate grots and labyrinths to dwell in His postique parts, without his feeling; Then how is't possible a kick Should e'er reach that way to the quick?210 Quoth she, I grant it is in vain, For one that's basted to feel pain;
Because the pangs his bones endure, Contribute nothing to the cure; Yet honour hurt, is wont to rage 215 With pain no med'cine can assuage. Quoth he, That honour's very squeamish That takes a basting for a blemish: For what's more honourable than scars, Or skin to tatters rent in wars? 220 Some have been beaten till they know What wood a cudgel's of by th' blow; Some kick'd, until they can feel whether A shoe be Spanish or neat's leather: And yet have met, after long running, 225 With some whom they have taught that cunning. The furthest way about, t' o'ercome, I' th' end does prove the nearest home. By laws of learned duellists. They that are bruis'd with wood or fists, 230 And think one beating may for once Suffice, are cowards and poltroons: But if they dare engage t' a second, They're stout and gallant fellows reckon'd. Th' old Romans freedom did bestow, 235 Our princes worship, with a blow: King Pyrrhus cur'd his splenetic And testy courtiers with a kick. The Negus, when some mighty lord Or potentate's to be restor'd, 240
And pardon'd for some great offence, With which he's willing to dispense, First has him laid upon his belly, Then beaten back and side t' a jelly; That done, he rises, humbly bows, 245 And gives thanks for the princely blows; Departs not meanly proud, and boasting Of his magnificent rib-roasting. The beaten soldier proves most manful, That, like his sword, endures the anvil,250 And justly 's held more formidable, The more his valour's malleable: But he that fears a bastinado, Will run away from his own shadow: And though I'm now in durance fast,255 By our own party basely cast, Ransom, exchange, parole, refus'd, And worse than by the en'my is'd; In close catasta shut, past hope Of wit or valour to elope;260 As beards, the nearer that they tend To th' earth, still grow more reverend; And cannons shoot the higher pitches, The lower we let down their breeches; I'll make this low dejected fate 265 Advance me to a greater height. Quoth she, Y' have almost made m' in love With that which did my pity move.
Great wits and valours, like great states, Do sometimes sink with their own weights:270 Th' extremes of glory and of shame, Like east and west, become the same. No Indian Prince has to his palace More followers than a thief to the gallows. But if a beating seems so brave,275 What glories must a whipping have? Such great achievements cannot fail To cast salt on a woman's tail: For if I thought your nat'ral talent Of passive courage were so gallant,280 As you strain hard to have it thought, I could grow amorous, and dote. When Hudibras this language heard, He prick'd up's ears, and strok'd his beard; Thought he, this is the lucky hour,285 Wines work when vines are in the flower: This crisis then I'll set my rest on, And put her boldly to the question. Madam, What you would seem to doubt Shall be to all the world made out,290 How I've been drubb'd, and with what spirit And magnanimity I bear it; And if you doubt it to be true, I'll stake myself down against you: And if I fail in love or troth,295 Be you the winner, and take both.
Quoth she, I've heard old cunning stagers Say, fools for arguments use wagers. And though I prais'd your valour, yet I did not mean to baulk your wit,300 Which, if you have, you must needs know What, I have told you before now, And you by experiment have prov'd, I cannot love where I'm belov'd. Quoth Hudibras, 'Tis a caprich 305 Beyond the infliction of a witch; So cheats to play with those still aim, That do not understand the game. Love in your heart as idly burns As fire in antique Roman urns,310 To warm the dead, and vainly light Those only that see nothing by 't. Have you not power to entertain, And render love for love again? As no man can draw in his breath 315 At once, and force out air beneath. Or do you love yourself so much To bear all rivals else a grutch? What fate can lay a greater curse, Than you upon yourself would force; 320 For wedlock without love, some say, Is but a lock without a key. It is a kind of rape to marry One that neglects, or cares not for ye:
For what does make it ravishment 325 But b'ing against the mind's consent? A rape that is the more inhuman, For being acted by a woman. Why are you fair, but to entice us To love you, that you may despise us? 330 But though you cannot love, you say, Out of your own fantastic way, Why should you not, at least, allow Those that love you, to do so too: For as you fly me, and pursue 335 Love more averse, so I do you: And am, by your own doctrine, taught To practise what you call a fault. Quoth she, If what you say be true, You must fly me, as I do you; 340 But 'tis not what we do, but say, In love, and preaching, that must sway. Quoth he. To bid me not to love, Is to forbid my pulse to move. My beard to grow, my ears to prick up, 345 Or, when I'm in a fit, to hickup: Command me to piss out the moon, And 'twill as easily be done. Love's power's too great to be withstood By feeble human flesh and blood. 350 'Twas he that brought upon his knees The hect'ring kill-cow Hercules; Reduc'd his leaguer-lion's skin T' a petticoat, and make him spin:
Seiz'd on his club, and made it dwindle355 T' a feeble distaff, and a spindle. 'Twas he made emperors gallants To their own sisters and their aunts; Set popes and cardinals agog, To play with pages at leap-frog;360 'T was he that gave our senate purges, And flux'd the house of many a burgess; Made those that represent the nation Submit, and suffer amputation: And all the grandees o' th' cabal,365 Adjourn to tubs, at spring and fall. He mounted synod-men, and rode 'em To Dirty-lane and Little Sodom; Made 'em curvet, like Spanish gennets, And take the ring at Madam ———.370 'Twas he that made Saint Francis do More than the devil could tempt him to;
In cold and frosty weather grow Enamour'd of a wife of snow; And though she were of rigid temper,375 With melting flames accost and tempt her: Which after in enjoyment quenching, He hung a garland on his engine. Quoth she, If love have these effects, Why is it not forbid our sex?380 Why is 't not damn'd, and interdicted, For diabolical and wicked? And sung, as out of tune, against, As Turk and Pope are by the saints? I find, I've greater reason for it,385 Than I believ'd before t' abhor it. Quoth Hudibras, These sad effects Spring from your heathenish neglects Of love's great pow'r, which he returns Upon yourselves with equal scorns;390 And those who worthy lovers slight, Plagues with prepost'rous appetite; This made the beauteous queen of Crete To take a town-bull for her sweet; And from her greatness stoop so low,395 To be the rival of a cow. Others, to prostitute their great hearts, To be baboons' and monkeys' sweet-hearts. Some with the devil himself in league grow, By's representative a negro; 400
'Twas this made vestal maids love-sick, And venture to be buried quick. Some, by their fathers and their brothers, To be made mistresses, and mothers; 'Tis this that proudest dames enamours 405 On lacqueys, and varlets-des-chambres; Their haughty stomachs overcomes, And makes 'em stoop to dirty grooms, To slight the world, and to disparage Claps, issue, infamy, and marriage.410 Quoth she, These judgments are severe, Yet such as I should rather bear, Than trust men with their oaths, or prove Their faith and secrecy in love. Says he, There is a weighty reason 415 For secrecy in love as treason. Love is a burglarer, a felon, That in the windore-eye does steal in To rob the heart, and, with his prey, Steals out again a closer way, 420 Which whosoever can discover, He's sure, as he deserves, to suffer. Love is a fire, that burns and sparkles In men, as naturally as in charcoals, Which sooty chemists stop in holes, 425 When out of wood they extract coals; So lovers should their passions choke, That tho' they burn, they may not smoke.
'Tis like that sturdy thief that stole, And dragg'd beasts backward into's hole;430 So love does lovers, and us men Draws by the tails into his den, That no impression may discover, And trace t' his cave, the wary lover. But if you doubt I should reveal 435 What you intrust me under seal, I'll prove myself as close and virtuous As your own secretary, Albertus. Quoth she, I grant you may be close In hiding what your aims propose: 440 Love-passions are like parables, By which men still mean something else: Tho' love be all the world's pretence, Money's the mythologic sense, The real substance of the shadow, 445 Which all address and courtship's made to. Thought he, I understand your play, And how to quit you your own way; He that will win his dame, must do As Love does, when he bends his bow; 450 With one hand thrust the lady from, And with the other pull her home. I grant, quoth he, wealth is a great Provocative to am'rous beat:
R. Cooper sculp$^t$.
ALBERTUS MAGNUS.
From a scarce Print.
It is all philtres and high diet,455 That makes love rampant, and to fly out: 'Tis beauty always in the flower, That buds and blossoms at fourscore: 'Tis that by which the sun and moon, At their own weapons are outdone:460 That makes knights-errant fall in trances, And lay about 'em in romances: 'Tis virtue, wit, and worth, and all That men divine and sacred call: For what is worth in anything,465 But so much money as 'twill bring? Or what but riches is there known, Which man can solely call his own; In which no creature goes his half, Unless it be to squint and laugh?470 I do confess, with goods and land, I'd have a wife at second hand; And such you are: nor is't your person My stomach's set so sharp and fierce on; But 'tis your better part, your riches,475 That my enamour'd heart bewitches: Let me your fortune but possess, And settle. your person how you please; Or make it o'er in trust to the devil, You'll find me reasonable and civil.480 Quoth she, I like this plainness better Than false mock-passion, speech, or letter, Or any feat of qualm or sowning, But hanging of yourself, or drowning; Your only way with me to break485 Your mind, is breaking of your neck:
For as when merchants break, o'erthrown Like nine-pins, they strike others down; So that would break my heart; which done, My tempting fortune is your own.490 These are but trifles; every lover Will damn himself over and over, And greater matters undertake For a less worthy mistress' sake: Yet th' are the only ways to prove495 Th' unfeign'd realities of love; For he that hangs, or beats out's brains, The devil's in him if he feigns. Quoth Hudibras, This way's too rough For mere experiment and proof;500 It is no jesting, trivial matter, To swing i' th' air, or douce in water, And, like a water-witch, try love; That's to destroy, and not to prove: As if a man should be dissected,505 To find what part is disaffected: Your better way is to make over, In trust, your fortune to your lover: Trust is a trial; if it break, 'Tis not so desp'rate as a neck:510 Beside, th' experiment's more certain, Men venture necks to gain a fortune: The soldier does it every day, Eight to the week, for six-pence pay:
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ROGER BACON.
From a scarce Print by Ægidius Sadeler.
Your pettifoggers damn their souls, 515 To share with knaves in cheating fools: And merchants, venturing through the main, Slight pirates, rocks, and horns for gain. This is the way I advise you to. Trust me, and see what I will do.520 Quoth she, I should be loth to run Myself all th' hazard, and you none; Which must be done, unless some deed Of yours aforesaid do precede; Give but yourself one gentle swing525 For trial, and I'll cut the string: Or give that rev'rend head a maul, Or two, or three, against a wall; To show you are a man of mettle, And I'll engage myself to settle.530 Quoth he, My head's not made of brass, As Friar Bacon's noddle was; Nor, like the Indian's skull, so tough, That, authors say, 'twas musket-proof: As it had need to be to enter,535 As yet, on any new adventure; You see what bangs it has endur'd, That would, before new feats, be cur'd:
But if that's all you stand upon, Here, strike me luck, it shall be done.540 Quoth she, The matter's not so far gone As you suppose, two words t' a bargain; That may be done, and time enough, When you have given downright proof: And yet, 'tis no fantastic pique 545 I have to love, nor coy dislike; 'Tis no implicit, nice aversion T' your conversation, mien, or person: But, a just fear, lest you should prove False and perfidious in love;550 For if I thought you could be true, I could love twice as much as you. Quoth he. My faith, as adamantine As chains of destiny, I'll maintain; True as Apollo ever spoke, 555 Or oracle from heart of oak; And if you'll give my flame but vent, Now in close hugger-mugger pent, And shine upon me but benignly, With that one, and that other pigsney,560 The sun and day shall sooner part, Than love, or you, shake off my heart: The sun that shall no more dispense His own, but your bright influence; I'll carve your name on barks of trees,565 With true love-knots, and flourishes;
That shall infuse eternal spring, And everlasting flourishing: Drink every letter on't in stum, And make it brisk champagne become;570 Where'er you tread, your foot shall set The primrose and the violet; All spices, perfumes, and sweet powders, Shall borrow from your breath their odours; Nature her charter shall renew,575 And take all lives of things from you; The world depend upon your eye, And when you frown upon it, die. Only our loves shall still survive, New worlds and natures to outlive;580 And like to heralds' moons, remain All crescents, without change or wane. Hold, hold, quoth she, no more of this, Sir Knight, you take your aim amiss; For you will find it a hard chapter,585 To catch me with poetic rapture, In which your mastery of art Doth show itself, and not your heart; Nor will you raise in mine combustion, By dint of high heroic fustian:590 She that with poetry is won, Is but a desk to write upon; And what men say of her, they mean No more than on the thing they lean.
Some with Arabian spices strive 595 T' embalm her cruelly alive; Or season her, as French cooks use Their haut-gouts, bouillies, or ragouts; Use her so barbarously ill, To grind her lips upon a mill,600 Until the facet doublet doth Fit their rhymes rather than her mouth; Her mouth compar'd t' an oyster's, with A row of pearl in't, 'stead of teeth; Others make posies of her cheeks,605 Where red and whitest colours mix; In which the lily and the rose, For Indian lake and ceruse goes. The sun and moon, by her bright eyes, Eclips'd and darken'd in the skies;610 Are but black patches that she wears, Cut into suns, and moons, and stars, By which astrologers, as well As those in heav'n above, can tell What strange events they do foreshow,615 Unto her under-world below.
Her voice, the music of the spheres, So loud, it deafens mortal ears; As wise philosophers have thought, And that's the cause we hear it not. 620 This has been done by some, who those Th' ador'd in rhyme, would kick in prose; And in those ribbons would have hung, Of which melodiously they sung. That have the hard fate, to write best 625 Of those still that deserve it least; It matters not how false, or forc'd, So the best things be said o' th' worst; It goes for nothing when 'tis said, Only the arrow's drawn to th' head, 630 Whether it be a swan or goose They level at: so shepherds use To set the same mark on the hip, Both of their sound and rotten sheep: For wits that carry low or wide, 635 Must be aim'd higher, or beside The mark, which else they ne'er come nigh, But when they take their aim awry. But I do wonder you should chuse This way t' attack me with your muse. 640
As one cut out to pass your tricks on, With fulhams of poetic fiction: I rather hop'd I should no more Hear from you o' th' gallanting score; For hard dry-bastings us'd to prove645 The readiest remedies of love, Next a dry diet; but if those fail, Yet this uneasy loop-hol'd jail, In which y' are hamper'd by the fetlock, Cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock: 650 Wedlock, that's worse than any hole here, If that may serve you for a cooler, T' allay your mettle, all agog Upon a wife, the heavier clog. Nor rather thank your gentler fate, 655 That, for a bruis'd or broken pate, Has freed you from those hanks that grow, Much harder, on the marry'd brow: But if no dread can cool your courage, From vent'ring on that dragon, marriage; 660 Yet give me quarter, and advance To nobler aims your puissance; Level at beauty and at wit; The fairest mark is easiest hit. Quoth Hudibras, I am beforehand 665 In that already, with your command; Por where does beauty and high wit But in your constellation meet? Quoth she, What does a match imply, But likeness and equality? 670 I know you cannot think me fit To be th' yokefellow of your wit; Nor take one of so mean deserts, To be the partner of your parts;
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charles the first.
From a Picture by Vandyck.
A grace which, if I could believe,675 I've not the conscience to receive. That conscience, quoth Hudibras, Is misinform'd; I'll state the case. A man may be a legal donor Of anything whereof he's owner, 680 And may confer it where he lists, I' th' judgment of all casuists: Then wit, and parts, and valour may Be ali'nated, and made away, By those that are proprietors, 685 As I may give or sell my horse. Quoth she, I grant the case is true, And proper twixt your horse and you; And whether L may take, as well As yon may give away, or sell? 690 Buyers, you know, are bid beware; And worse than thieves receivers are, How shall I answer Hue and Cry For a roan gelding, twelve hands high. All spurr'd and switch'd, a lock on's hoof,695 A sorrel mane? Can I bring proof Where, when, by whom, and what y' were sold for, And in the open market toll'd for? Or, should I take you for a stray, You must be kept a year and day, 700
Ere I can own you, here i' th' pound. Where, if ye're sought, you may be found; And in the mean time I must pay For all your provender and hay. Quoth he, It stands me much upon 705 T' enervate this objection, And prove myself, by topic clear, No gelding, as you would infer. Loss of virility's averr'd To be the cause of loss of beard,710 That does, like embryo in the womb, Abortive on the chin become: This first a woman did invent, In envy of man's ornament: Semiramis of Babylon,715 Who first of all cut men o' th' stone. To mar their beards, and laid foundation Of sow-geldering operation: Look on this beard, and tell me whether Eunuchs wear such, or geldings either? 720 Next it appears I am no horse, That I can argue and discourse, Have but two legs, and ne'er a tail. Quoth she, That nothing will avail; For some philosophers of late here, 725 Write men have four legs by nature, And that 'tis custom makes them go Erroneously upon but two; As 'twas in Germany made good, B' a boy that lost himself in a wood;730
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sir kenelm digby.
From a Picture by Vandyck in the Bodleian Gallery.
And growing down't' a man, was wont With wolves upon all four to hunt. As for your reasons drawn from tails, We cannot say they're true or false, Till you explain yourself, and show735 B' experiment, 'tis so or no. Quoth he, If you'll join issue on't, I'll give you satistact'ry account; So you will promise, if you lose, To settle all, and be my spouse.740 That never shall be done, quoth she, To one that wants a tail, by me: For tails by nature sure were meant. As well as beards, for ornament; And tho' the vulgar count them homely,745 In man or beast they are so comely, So gentee, alamode, and handsome, I'll never marry man that wants one: And till you can demonstrate plain, You have one equal to your mane,750 I'll be torn piece-meal by a horse, Ere I'll take you for better or worse. The Prince of Cambay's daily food Is asp, and basilisk, and toad,
Which makes him have so strong a breath,755 Each night he stinks a queen to death; Yet I shall rather lie in's arms Than your's, on any other terms. Quoth he, What nature can afford I shall produce, upon my word;760 And if she ever gave that boon To man, I'll prove that I have one; I mean, by postulate illation, When you shall offer just occasion; But since ye've yet denied to give765 My heart, your pris'ner, a reprieve, But make it sink down to my heel, Let that at least your pity feel; And for the sufferings of your martyr, Give its poor entertainer quarter;770 And by discharge, or mainprise, grant Deliv'ry from this base restraint. Quoth she, I grieve to see your leg 8tuck in a hole here like a peg, And if I knew which way to do't,775 Tour honour safe. I'd let you out. That dames by jail-delivery Of errant knights have been set free, When by enchantment they have been. And sometimes for it too, laid in,780 Is that which knights are bound to do By order, oaths, and honour too;
For what are they renown'd and famous else, But aiding of distressed damosels? But for a lady, no ways errant.785 To free a knight, we have no warrant In any authentical romance, Or classic author yet of France; And I'd be loth to have you break An ancient custom for a freak,790 Or innovation introduce In place of things of antique use. To free your heels by any course, That might b' unwholesome to your spurs: Which if I should consent unto,795 It is not in my pow'r to do; For 'tis a service must be done ye With solemn previous ceremony; Which always has been us'd t' untie The charms of those who here do lie.800 For as the ancients heretofore To Honour's temple had no door. But that which thorough Virtue's lay: So from this dungeon there's no way To honour's freedom, but by passing805 That other virtuous school of lashing. Where knights are kept in narrow lists, With wooden lockets 'bout their wrists; In which they for awhile are tenants, And for their ladies suffer penance:810 Whipping, that's virtue's governess, Tut'ress of arts and sciences; That mends the gross mistakes of nature, And puts new life into dull matter;
That lays foundation for renown, 815 And all the honours of the gown. This suffer'd, they are set at large, And freed with hon'rable discharge; Then, in their robes, the penitentials Are straight presented with credentials,820 And in their way attended on By magistrates of every town; And, all respect and charges paid, They're to their ancient seats convey'd. Now if you'll venture for my sake,825 To try the toughness of your back, And suffer, as the rest have done, The laying of a whipping on, And may you prosper in your suit, As you with equal vigour do't,830 I here engage myself to loose ye And free your heels from caperdewsie: But since our sex's modesty Will not allow I should be by. Bring me, on oath, a fair account, 835 And honour too, when you have done't: And I'll admit you to the place You claim as due in my good grace. If matrimony and hanging go By dest'ny, why not whipping too? 840 What med'cine else can cure the fits Of lovers, when they lose their wits? Love is a boy by poets styl'd. Then spare the rod, and spoil the child:
A Persian emp'ror whipp'd his grannum, 845 The sea, his mother Venus came on; And hence some rev'rend men approve Of rosemary in making love. As skilful coopers hoop their tubs With Lydian and with Phrygian dubs,850 Why may not whipping have as good A grace, perform'd in time and mood, With comely movement, and by art, Raise passion in a lady's heart? It is an easier way to make 855 Love by, than that which many take. Who would not rather suffer whipping, Than swallow toasts of bits of ribbon? Make wicked verses, treats, and faces. And spell names over with beer-glasses?860 Be under vows to hang and die Love's sacrifice, and all a lie? With China-oranges and tarts, And whining-plays, lay baits for hearts? Bribe chambermaids with love and money,865 To break no roguish jests upon ye; For lilies limn'd on cheeks, and roses. With painted perfumes, hazard noses?
Or, vent'ring to be brisk and wanton. Do penance in a paper lanthorn? 870 All this you may compound for now, By suff'ring what I offer you; Which is no more than has been done By knights for ladies long agone. Did not the great La Mancha do so 875 For the Infanta Del Toboso? Did not th' illustrious Bassa make Himself a slave for Miss's sake? And with bull's pizzle, for her love. Was taw'd as gentle as a glove? 880 Was not young Florio sent, to cool His flame for Biancafiore, to school, Where pedant made his pathic bum For her sake suffer martyrdom? Did not a certain lady whip, 885 Of late, her husband's own lordship?
And, tho' a grandee of the house, Claw'd him with fundamental blows; Tied him stark naked to a bed-post. And firk'd his hide, as if sh' had rid post:890 And after in the sessions' court, Where whipping's judg'd, had honour for't? This swear you will perform, and then I'll set you from th' enchanted den, And the magician's circle, clear.895 Quoth he, I do profess and swear, And will perform what you enjoin. Or may I never see you mine. Amen, quoth she, then turn'd about, And bid her squire let him out.900 But ere an artist could be found T' undo the charms another bound. The sun grew low, and left the skies, Put down, some write, by ladies' eyes. The moon pull'd off her veil of light,905 That hides her face by day from sight. Mysterious veil, of brightness made, That's both her lustre and her shade, And in the lanthorn of the night, With shining horns, hung out her light:910 For darkness is the proper sphere Where all false glories use t' appear.
The twinkling stars began to muster, And glitter with their borrow'd lustre, While sleep the weary'd world reliev'd,915 By counterfeiting death reviv'd. Our vot'ry thought it best t' adjourn His whipping penance till the morn, And not to carry on a work Of such importance in the dark,920 With erring haste, but rather stay, And do't i' th' open face of day: And in the mean time go in quest Of next retreat, to take his rest.
* ↑ The abrupt opening of this Canto is designed; being in imitation of the commencement of the fourth book of the Æneid, "At regina gravi jam dudum saucia cura," &c.
* ↑ Var. rusty steel in 1674—84, and trusty in 1700. Restored to bloody steel in 1704.
* ↑ In like manner Shakspeare, Richard III. Act i. sc. 1, says: "Our stern alarums chang'd to merry meetings, Our dreadful marches to delightful measures."
* ↑ For this and the three previous lines, the first edition has: And unto love turn we our style To let our reader breathe awhile. By this time tir'd with th' horrid sounds Of blows, and cuts, and blood, and wounds.
* ↑ That is, to make one wonder.
* ↑ Var. That a man's fancy.
* ↑ Alluding, probably, to Don Quixote's account of the enchanted Dulcineas, flying from him, like a whirlwind, in Montesino's Cave.
* ↑ It was a vulgar notion that if you drew blood from a witch, she could not hurt you. Thus Cleveland, in his Rebel Scot: Scots are like witches; do but whet your pen, Scratch till the blood comes, they'll not hurt you then. See also Shakspeare, Henry VI. Part I. Act i. sc. 5.
* ↑ By showing their wounds to the ladies, who, it must remembered, in the times of chivalry, were instructed in surgery and the healing art. In the romance of Perceforest, a young lady sets the dislocated arm of a knight.
* ↑ A banter on these common faults of romance writers: even Shakspeare and Virgil have not wholly avoided them. The former transports his characters, in a quarter of an hour, from France to England: the latter has formed an intrigue between Dido and Æneas, who probably lived in very distant periods. The Spanish writers are rebuked for these violations of the unities in Don Quixote, ch. 21, where the canon speaks of having seen a play "in which the first act begins in Europe, the second in Asia, and the third in Africa."
* ↑ Var. Lately.
* ↑ In English, dog, in composition, like δυς in Greek, implies that the thing denoted by the noun annexed to it is vile, bad, savage, or unfortunate in its kind: thus dog-rose, dog-latin, dog-trick, dog-cheap, and many others. Wright, in his Glossary, explains dog-bolt as a term of reproach, and gives quotation from Ben Jonson and Shadwell to that effect. The happiest illustration of the text is afforded in Beaumont and Fletcher's Spanish Curate: "For, to say truth, the lawyer is a dog-bolt, An arrant worm."
* ↑ It was a maxim among the Stoic philosophers that things which were violent could not be lasting: Si longa est, levis est; si gravis est, brevis est.
* ↑ Our author has evidently followed Virgil (AEneid. iv.) in some parts of this description of Fame.
* ↑ The vulgar notion is, that chameleons live on air, but they are known to feed on flies, caterpillars, and other insects. See Brown's Vulgar Errors, book iii. ch. 21 .
* ↑ The beauty of this simile, says Mr Warburton, "consists in the double meaning: the first alluding to Fame's living on report; the second implying that a report, if narrowly inquired into and traced up to the original author, is made to contradict itself"
* ↑ Welkin is derived from the Anglo-Saxon wole, wolen, clouds, and is generally used by the English poets to denote the sky or visible region of the air.
* ↑ The pigeons of Aleppo served as couriers. They were taken from their young ones, and conveyed to distant places in open cages, and when it became necessary to send home any intelligence, one was let loose, with a billet tied to her foot, when she flew back with great swiftness. They would return in less than ten hours from Alexandretto to Aleppo, and in two days from Bagdad. This method was practised at Mutina, when besieged by Antony. Sec Pliny's Natural History, lib. x. 37.
* ↑ The newspapers of those times, called Mercuries and Diurnals, were characterised by many of the contemporary writers as lying journals. Each party had its Mercuries: there was Mercurius Rusticus, and Mercurius Aulicus.
* ↑ Whetstone is a proverbial term, denoting an excitement to lying, or a subject that gave a man an opportunity of whetting his wit upon another. See Ray, in Handbook of Proverbs, p. 60. Thus Shakspeare makes Celia reply to Rosalind upon the entry of the Clown: "Fortune hath sent this natural for our whetstone; for always the dulness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits." Lying for the whetstone appears to have been a jocular custom. In Lupton's "Too good to be true" occur these lines: "Omen. And what shall he gain that gets the victory in lying? Syilla. He shall have a silver whetstone for his labours." See a full account in Brand's Popular Antiquities (Bohn's edit.), vol. iii. p. 389—393.
* ↑ Some stories of the kind are found in Morton's History of Northamptonshire, p. 447; Knox's History of the Reformation in Scotland; and Philosophical Transactions, xxvi. p. 310.
* ↑ To make this story as wonderful as the rest, we ought to read thrice two, or twice four legs.
* ↑ Chaucer makes Æolus, an attendant on Fame, blow the clarion of laud, and the clarion of slander, alternately, accoding to her directions; and in Pope's Temple of Fame, she has the trumpet of eternal praise, and the trumpet of slander.
* ↑ Var. "Twattling gossip," in the two first editions.
* ↑ Democritus was the "laughing philosopher." He regarded the common cares and pursuits of men as simply ridiculous, and ridiculed them accordingly.
* ↑ Gossip, from God sib; that is, sib, or related by means of religion; a god-father or sponsor at baptism.
* ↑ The original reading of this and the following line explains the meaning of the preceding one. In the two editions of 1664, they stand That is, to see him deliver'd safe Of 's wooden burthen, and Squire Ralph.
* ↑ Some have doubted whether the word usher means an attendant, or part of her dress; but from Part III., Canto II., line 399, it is plain that it signifies the former.
* ↑ See above, Part I., Canto II., line 95, and note.
* ↑ That is, cheek to cheek, derived from two Anglo-Saxon words, ceac, and ceole. See jig by jowl in Wright's Glossary.
* ↑ The story of Mr Momposson's house being haunted by a drummer, made a great noise about the time our author wrote. The narrative is told in Glanvil on Witchcraft.
* ↑ Var. To take kind notice of his beard. The clergy in the middle ages threatened to excommunicate the Knights who persisted in wearing their beards, because their clipped chins, "like stubble land at harvest home," made them disagreeable to their ladies.
* ↑ See the dignity of the beard maintained by Dr Bulwer in his Artificial Changeling, p. 196. He says, shaving the chin is justly to be accounted a note of effeminacy, as appears by eunuchs, who produce not a beard, the sign of virility. Alexander and his officers did not shave their beards till they were effeminated by Persian luxury. It was late before barbers were in request at Rome: they first came from Sicily 454 years after the foundation of Rome. Varro tells us, they were introduced bv Ticinius Mena. Scipio Africanus was the first who shaved his face every day: the emperor Augustus used this practice. See Pliny's Nat. Hist. b. vii. c. 56. Diogenes, seeing one with a smooth-shaved chin, said to him, "Hast thou whereof to accuse nature for making thee a man and not a woman?"—The Rhodians and Byzantines, contrary to the practice of modern Russians, persisted against their laws and edicts in shaving and the use of the razor,—Ulmus, in his de fine barbæ humanæ, is of opinion that nature gave to mankind a beard, that it might remain as an index of the masculine generative faculty.—Beard-haters are by Barclay clapped on board the ship of fools.
* ↑ Var. "Elenctique case," in the first editions.
* ↑ From the French word lavendier, a washer. Wright's Glossary.
* ↑ Peter the Great of Russia had great difficulty in obliging his subjects to cut off their beards, and imposed a tax on them according to a given standard. The beaux in the reigns of James I. and Charles I. spent as much time in dressing their beards as modern beaux do in dressing their hair; and many kept a person to read to him while the operation was performing. See John Taylor, the water poet's Superbiæ Flagellum (Works, p. 3), for a droll account of the fashions of the beard in his time. Bottom, the weaver, was a connoisseur in beards (Mids. Night's Dream, Act i. sc. 2).
* ↑ The van is the front or fore part of an army, and commonly the post of danger and honour; the rear the hinder part. So that making a front in the rear must be retreating from the enemy. By this comical expression the lady signifies that he turned tail on them, by which means his shoulders fared worse than his beard.
* ↑ Some tenets of the Stoic philosophers are here burlesqued with great humour.
* ↑ That is, died of fear. Several stories to this effect are upon record; one of the most remarkable is the case of the Chevalier Jarre, "who was upon the scaffold at Troyes, had his hair cut off, the handkerchief before his eyes, and the sword in the executioner's hand to cut off his head; but the king pardoned him: being taken up, his fear had so taken hold of him, that he could not stand or speak: they led him to bed, and opened a vein, but no blood would come." Lord Stratford's Letters, vol. i. p. 166.
* ↑ According to the punctuation, it signifies, others, though really and sorely wounded (see the Lady's Reply, line 211), felt no bruise or cut: but if we put a semicolon after sore, and no stop after reason, the meaning may be, others, though wounded sore in body, yet in mind or imagination felt no bruise or cut. Discretion here signifies a cut, or separation of parts.
* ↑ He argues from this story, that if a man could be so gnawed and mangled without feeling it, a kick in the same place would not inflict much hurt. The note in the old editions, attributed to Butler himself, cites the Rhine legend of Bishop Hatto, "who was quite eaten up by rats and mice," as much more strange.
* ↑ One form of declaring a slave free, at Rome, was for the prætor, in the presence of certain persons, to give the slave a light stroke with a small stick, from its use called vindicta. See Horat. Sat. ii. 7, 75, and Persius, v. 88. Sometimes freedom was given by an alapa, or blow with the open hand upon the face or head. Pers. v. 75, 78.
* ↑ Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, had this occult quality in his toe. It was believed he could cure the spleen by sacrificing a white cock, and with his right foot gently pressing the spleen of the person affected. Nor was any man so poor and inconsiderable as not to receive the benefit of his royal touch, if he desired it. The toe of that foot was said to have so divine a virtue, that after his death, the rest of his body being consumed, it was found untouched by the fire. See Plutarch, Life of Pyrrhus, and Pliny's Nat. Hist. vol. ii. p. 128 (Bohn).
* ↑ Negus was the title of the king of Abyssinia.
* ↑ In the editions of 1664, this and the following line read thus: "To his good grace, for some offence Forfeit before, and pardon'd since."
* ↑ This story is told in Le Blanc's Travels, Part ii. ch. 4.
* ↑ The fury of Bucephalus proceeded from the fear of his own shadow. See Rabelais, vol. i. c. 14.
* ↑ This was the chief complaint of the Presbyterians and Parliamentary party, when the Independents and the army ousted them from their misused supremacy; and it led to their negotiations with the King, their espousal of the cause of his son, and ultimately to his restoration as Charles the Second.
* ↑ A cage or prison wherein the Romans exposed slaves for sale. See Persius, vi. 76.
* ↑ See note $^2$, p. 39, supra.
* ↑ Thus Horace (Ep. xvi.) said that Rome was falling through the excess of its power.
* ↑ That is, glory and shame, which though opposite as east and west, sometimes become the same; exemplifying the proverb: "Extremes meet."
* ↑ Alluding to the common saying:—You will catch the bird if you throw salt on his tail.
* ↑ A proverbial expression for the fairest and best opportunity of doing anything. It was the common belief of brewers, distillers of gin, and vinegar-makers, that their liquors fermented best when the plants used in them were in flower. (See Sir Kenelm Digby's "Discourse concerning the Cure of Wounds by Sympathy," p. 79.) Hudibras compares himself to the vine in flower, for he thinks he has set the widow fermenting.
* ↑ Crisis is used here in the classical sense of "judgment" or "decision of a question."
* ↑ Caprice is here pronounced in the manner of the Italian capriccio.
* ↑ Fortunius Licctus wrote concerning these lamps; and from him Bishop Wilkins quotes largely in his Mathematical Memoirs. In Camden's Description of Yorkshire, a lamp is said to have been found burning in the tomb of Constantius Chlorus. The story of the lamp, in the sepulchre of Tullia, the daughter of Cicero, which was supposed to have burnt above 1500 years, is told by Pancirollus and others. These so-called perpetual lamps of the ancients were probably the spontaneous or accidental combustion of inflammable gases generated in close sepulchres; or the phosphorescence exhibited by animal substances in a state of decomposition.
* ↑ Thus Shakspeare, 1 Henry VI. Act v. sc. 5. "For what is wedlock forced, but a hell, An age of discord and continual strife?"
* ↑ This is Grey's emendation for "fanatick," which Butler's editions have, and it certainly agrees with what the widow says afterwards in lines 545, 546. But "fanatic" signifies "fantastic in the highest degree," and thus irrational, or absurd.
* ↑ "Do as I say, not as I do;" is said to have been the very rational recommendation of a preacher whose teaching was more correct than his practice.
* ↑ It is of the essence of burlesque poetry to turn into ridicule such legends as the labours of Hercules; and the common epithet "kill-cow" was exactly adapted to the character of these exploits.
* ↑ Leaguer was a camp; and "leaguer-lion's skin" is no more than the costume of Hercules the warrior, as contrasted with Omphale's petticoat, the costume of Hercules the lover. (See Skinner, sub voce Leaguer.)
* ↑ See Ovid's Epistle of Dejanira to Hercules. (Bohn's Ovid. vol. iii. p.81.)
* ↑ See Suetonius, Tacitus, and other historians of the Roman Empire.
* ↑ The name of Alexander Borgia (Pope Alexander VI.) continues to be the synonyme for the unspeakable abominations of the Papal Court, in the times that were not long past when Butler wrote.
* ↑ This alludes to the exclusion of the opponents of the army from the Parliament, called "Pride's Purge."
* ↑ Dirty-lane was not an unfrequent name for a place like that referred to; Maitland names five, in his time. One was in Old Palace Yard, and may have been meant by Butler. Little Sodom was near the Tower, on the site now occupied by St Catharine's Docks. These and other charges brought against the Puritan and Parliamentary leaders, will be found in Echard's History of England, and Walker's History of Independency. Cromwell, when he expelled the Long Parliament, himself called Martyn and Wentworth, "whoremasters."
* ↑ Sir Roger L'Estrange's "Key" fills up the blank with the name of "Stennet," the wife of a "broom-man" and lay-elder; and the same name is given in our contemporary MS. She is said to have followed "the laudable employment of bawding, and managed several intrigues for those brothers and sisters, whose piety consisted chiefly in the whiteness of their linen." The Taller mentions a lady of this stamp, called Bennet.
* ↑ In the Life of St Francis, we are told that, being tempted by the devil in the shape of a virgin, he subdued his passion by rolling himself naked in the snow.
* ↑ In the history of Howell's Life of Lewis XIII. p. 80, it is said that the French horsemen, who were killed at the Isle of Rhé, had their mistresses' favours tied about their engines.
* ↑ Perhaps alluding to Robert Wisdom's hymn: "Preserve us, Lord, by thy dear word— From Turk and Pope, defend us, Lord."
* ↑ Pasiphaë, the wife of Minos, of Crete, according to the myth, fell in love with a bull, and brought him a son.
* ↑ Old books of Natural History contain many stories of the "abduction" of women by the Mandrill, and other great kinds of ape. And fouler tales than these were circulated after the Restoration, against the Puritans.
* ↑ Such an amour forms the plot of Titus Andronicus, a play which Shakspeare revised for the stage, and which has in consequence been wrongly ascribed to him.
* ↑ By the Roman law vestal virgins, who broke their vow of chastity, were buried alive. See the story of Myrrha in Ovid. Metam. (Bohn's Ovid's M. p. 359).
* ↑ The marriage of brothers and sisters was common amongst royal families in Egypt and the East.
* ↑ Probably alluding to Lucretia Borgia, daughter of Pope Alexander VI., whom Roscoe (Leo X. App.) has attempted to defend against these charges.
* ↑ Varlet is the old form of valet. Thus knave, which now signifies a cheat, formerly meant no more than a servant.
* ↑ That is, to be indifferent to the consequences of illicit amours; the absence of marriage and legitimate offspring on the one hand, and the acquisition of claps and infamy on the other.
* ↑ Thus spelt in all editions before 1700 for "window," and perhaps most agreeably to the etymology, See Skinner.
* ↑ Charcoal is made by burning wood under a cover of turf and mould, which keeps it from blazing.
* ↑ Cacus, the noted robber, when he had stolen cattle, drew them backward by their tails into his den, lest their tracks should lead to the discovery of them. See Virgil, Æneid. viii. 205. Also Addison's Works (Bohn), v. 220.
* ↑ There is, no doubt, an allusion here to the obligation of secrecy, on the part of the confessor, respecting the confession of penitents, except in the ease of crimes; which was also enjoined upon ministers of the English Church, by the 113th Canon of 1603.
* ↑ Albertus Magnus, Bp of Ratisbon about 1260, wrote a book, De Secretis Mulierum; whence the poet facetiously calls him woman's secretary.
* ↑ Grey says this is illustrated in the story of Inkle aud Yarico. Spectator, XI.
* ↑ The Harleian Miscellany, vol. vi. p. 530, describes an interview between Perkin Warbeck and Lady Katharine Gordon, which illustrates this kind of dalliance. "With a kind of reverence: and fashionable gesture, after he had kissed her thrice, he took her in both his hands, crosswise, and gazed upon her, with a kind of putting her from him and pulling her to him; and so again and again re-kissed her, and set her in her place, with a pretty manner of enforcement."
* ↑ Gold and silver are marked by the sun and moon in chemistry, as they were supposed to be more immediately under the influence of those luminaries. The appropriation of the seven metals known to the ancients, to the seven planets with which they were acquainted, respectively, may be traced as high as Proclus, in the fifth century. The splendour of gold is more refulgent than the rays of the sun and moon.
* ↑ Compare the whole of this passage with Petruchio's speech in the Taming of the Shrew. Act i. Sc. 2; and Grumio's explanation of it.
* ↑ Altered to "swooning" in the edition of 1700.
* ↑ Var. "plunge in water," or "dive in water."
* ↑ The common test for witchcraft was to throw the suspected witch into the water. If she swam, she was judged guilty; if she sank, she preserved her character, and only lost her life. King James, in his Dæmonology, explained the floating of the witch by the refusal of the element used in baptism to receive into its bosom one who had renounced the blessing of it. The last witch swum in England was an old woman in a village of Suffolk, about 30 years ago.
* ↑ Grey compares this to the highwayman's advice to a gentleman upon the road; "Sir, be pleased to leave your watch, your money, and your rings with me, or by ——— you'll be robbed."
* ↑ This and the three following lines were added in the edition of 1674.
* ↑ Warburton explains that "if a soldier gets only sixpence a day, and one day's pay is reserved weekly for stoppages, he must make eight days to the week before he will receive a clear week's pay." Percennius, the mutinous soldier in Tacitus (Annals I. c. 17), seems to have been sensible of some such hardship.
* ↑ See Spectator, No. 450.
* ↑ Grey surmises from Hudibras's refusal to comply with this request, that he would by no means have approved an antique game invented by a Thracian tribe, of which we are told by Martinus Scriblerus (book i. ch. 6) that one of the players was hung up, and had a knife given him to cut himself down with; of course, forfeiting his life if he failed.
* ↑ It was one of the legends respecting that great natural philosopher, Roger Bacon, that he had formed a head of brass, which uttered these words, Time is. Sir Thomas Browne, in his Vulgar Errors, book vii. ch. 17, § 7, explains it as a kind of myth regarding "the philosopher's great work"—the making of gold. In Sir Francis Palgrave's "Merchant and Friar," it is no more than the extremity of a tube for conveying messages from one room to another.
* ↑ Blockheads and loggerheads, says Bulwer (Artificial Changeling, p. 42), are in request in Brazil, and helmets are of little use, every one having a natural morion of his head: for the Brazilians' heads, some of them, are as hard as the wood that grows in their country, so that they cannot be broken. See also Purchas's Pilgr. fol. vol. iii. p. 993.
* ↑ In ancient times, when butchers and country people made a bargain, one of the parties held out in his hand a piece of money, which the other struck, and the bargain was closed. Compare this "impolite way of counting" with the following expression;— "Come, strike me luck with earnest, and draw the writings." Beaumont and Fletcher.—Scornful Lady, Act ii.
* ↑ Implicit signifies secret, not explicit; here was not a fanciful aversion which could not be explained. Nice means over-refined or squeamish.
* ↑ Jupiter's oracle near Dodona, in Epirus; Apollo's oracle was the celebrated one at Delphi.
* ↑ Pigsney is a term of endearment; used here, however, of the eyes alone. In Pembroke's Arcadia, Dametas says to his wife, "Miso, mine own pigsnie." Somner gives piga (Danish), "a little maid," as the etymology of this word; which is a purely burlesque expression.
* ↑ See Don Quixote, vol. i. ch. 4, and vol. iv. ch. 73; As you like it. Act 3.
* ↑ Stum (from the Latin mustum) is any new, thick, unfermented liquor. Hudibras means that bad wine would turn into good, foul muddy wine into clear sparkling champagne, by drinking the widow's health in it. It was a custom among the gallants of Butler's time, to drink a bumper to their mistress' health to every letter of her name. The custom prevailed among the Romans: thus the well-known epigram of Martial: Lævia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur, Quinque Lycas, Lyde quatuor, Ida tribus. Omnis ab infuso numeretur amica falerno.—Ep. I. 72. For every letter drink a glass That spells the name you fancy, Take four, if Suky be your lass, And five, if it be Nancy.
* ↑ Till the edition of 1704, this Hue stood: Their haut-gusts, buollies, or ragusts. These things were "made-dishes," and were all highly flavoured, and hot with spices.
* ↑ As they do by comparing her lips to rubies, which are polished by a mill.
* ↑ Facet, a little face, or small surface. Diamonds and precious stones are ground à la facette, or with many faces or small surfaces, that they may have the greater lustre. A doublet is a false stone, made of two crystals joined together with green or red cement between them, in order to resemble stones of that colour. Facet doublet, therefore, is a false stone cut in faces.
* ↑ See Don Quixote, ch. 73 and ch. 38; also the description of "a Whore," by John Taylor, the water poet, for other satires on this fantastic habit of lovers.
* ↑ These are the names of two pigments, the former crimson; the latter a preparation of white lead and vinegar.
* ↑ The ladies formerly were very fond of wearing a great number of black patches on their faces, often cut in fantastical shapes. See Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 252, &c.; Spectator, No. 50; and Beaumont and Fletcher's "Elder Brother," Act iii. sc. II.
* ↑ A double entendre. This and the three preceding lines do not appear in the editions of 1664, but were added in 1674.
* ↑ Thus Waller on a girdle: "Give me but what this riband bound."
* ↑ Warburton was of opinion that Butler alluded to one of Mr Waller's poems on Saccharissa, where he complains of her unkindness. Others suppose, with more probability, that he alludes to the poet's well-known reply to the king, when he reproached him with having written best in praise of Oliver Cromwell. "We poets," says he, succeed better in fiction than in truth."
* ↑ Pythagoras asserted that this world is made according to musical proportion; and that the seven planets, betwixt heaven and earth, which govern the nativities of mortals, have an harmonious motion, and render various sounds, according to their several heights, so consonant, that they make most sweet melody, but to us inaudible, because of the greatness of the noise, which the narrow passage of our ears is not capable to receive. He is presumed to have interpreted the passage in Job literally: "When the morning stars sang together," chap. xxix. 7. Stanley's Life of Pythagoras, p.393. Milton wrote on the Harmony of the Spheres, when at Cambridge; and has some fine lines on the subject, in his Arcades, and in his Paradise Lost, v. 625, &c. See Shakspeare's Merchant of Venice Act v. sc. 1, for the most exquisite passage in the language on this subject.
* ↑ That is, with cheats or impositions. Fulham was a cant word for a false dice, many of them, as it is supposed, being made at that place. The high dice were loaded so as to come up 4, 5, 6, and the low ones 1, 2, 3. "For gourd and fullam holds," says Pistol, 'And high and low beguile the rich and poor.' Merry Wives of Windsor, Act i. sc. 3. And Cleveland says; "Now a Scotchman's tongue runs high fulhams."
* ↑ Conscience is here used as a word of two syllables, and in the next line as three.
* ↑ See Caveat emptor! Dict. of Classical Quotations.
* ↑ Hue and Cry was the legal notice to a neighbourhood for pursuit of a felon. See Blackstone.
* ↑ This is a galling reflection upon the knight's abilities, his complexion, and his height, which the widow intimates was not more than four feet.
* ↑ There is humour in the representation which the widow makes of the knight, under the similitude of a roan gelding, supposed to be stolen, or to have strayed. Farmers often put locks on the fore-feet of their horses, to prevent their being stolen, and the knight had his feet fast in the stocks at the time.
* ↑ This alludes to the custom enjoined by two Acts, 2 & 3 Phil. and Mary, and 31 Eliz., of tolling horses at fairs, to prevent the sale of any that might have been stolen, and help the owners to the recovery of them.
* ↑ Estrays, or cattle which came astray, were cried on two market days, and in two adjoining market towns, and if not claimed within a year and a day, they became the property of the lord of the liberty (or manor).
* ↑ See the note on line 114 of this Canto.
* ↑ Semiramis, queen of Assyria, is reputed to be the first that invented eunuchs: Semiramis teneros mares castravit omnium prima (Am. Marcellinus, i, 24), which is thought to be somewhat strange in a lady of her constitution, who is said to have received horses into her embrace. But the poet means to laugh at Dr Bulwer, who in his Artificial Changeling, scene 21, has many strange stories; and in page 208, says, "Nature gave to mankind a beard, that I might remain an index in the face of the masculine generative faculty."
* ↑ Sir Kenelm Digby, in his book of Bodies, has the well-known story of the wild German boy, who went on all fours, was overgrown with hair, and lived among the wild beasts; the credibility and truth of which he endeavours to establish by several natural reasons. See also Tatler, No. 105.
* ↑ See Fontaine, Conte de la jument du compere Pierre. Lord Monboddo had a theory about tails; he maintained that naturally they were as proper appendages to man as to beasts; but that the practice of sitting had in process of time completely abraded them.
* ↑ That is, rest the cause upon this point.
* ↑ Mr Butler here alludes to Dr Bulwer's Artificial Changeling, p. 410, where, besides the story of the Kentish men near Rochester, who had tails clapped to their breeches by Thomas a Beckett, he gives an account, from an honest young man of Captain Morris's company, in Ireton's regiment, "that at Cashell, in the county of Tipperary, in Carrick Patrick church, seated on a rock, stormed by Lord Inchequin, where near 700 were put to the sword, there were found among the slain of the Irish, when they were stripped, divers that had tails near a quarter of a yard lung: forty soldiers, that were eye-witnesses, testified the same upon their oaths." For an account of the Kentish Long-tails, see Lambarde's Perambulation of Kent, p. 315, and Bohn's Handbook of Proverbs, p. 207.
* ↑ Gentee is the affected pronunciation of the French Gentil.
* ↑ See Purchas's Pilgrime, vol. ii. p. 1495, for the story of Macamut, Sultan of Cambay, who is said to have lived upon poison, and so completely to have saturated his breath, that contact with him caused the death of 4000 concubines. Philosoph. Transactions, lxvi. 314. Montaigne, b. i. Essay on Customs. A gross double entendre runs through the whole of the widow's speeches, and likewise through those of the knight. See T. Warton on English Poetry, iii. p. 10.
* ↑ That is, by inference, consequence, or presumptive evidence.
* ↑ Grey supposes that the usher, who attended the widow, might be the constable of the place, and that on that account Hudibras begged her to release him; but it is more probable that she was of sufficient consideration to obtain his liberation, either absolutely, or on bail; or that she could order her said usher to open the stocks and set him free.
* ↑ These and the following lines are a banter upon romance writers. Our author keeps Don Quixote (Gayton's translation) constantly in his eye, when he is aiming at this object. In Europe, the Spaniards and the French engaged first in this kind of writing: from them it was communicated to the English.
* ↑ There were damsels-errant as well as knights-errant, in the romances, and the widow disclaims all connection with that order.
* ↑ That is, to his honour. The spurs were badges of knighthood, and if a knight was degraded, his spurs were hacked to pieces by a menial.
* ↑ The temple of Virtue and Honour was built by Marius; the architect was Mutius; it had no posticum. See Vitruvius, Piranesi, &c.
* ↑ This refers to the whipping of petty criminals—humorously styled Knights—in houses of correction.
* ↑ A sly glance at the passion for flagellation displayed by the masters of schools.
* ↑ This alludes to the Acts of Parliament, 33 Eliz. cap. 4, and 1 James I. c. 31, whereby vagrants were ordered to be whipped, and, with a certificate of the fact, conveyed by constables to the place of their settlement.
* ↑ A reference to the Amatorial Flagellants of Spain; no other way to move the hearts of their ladies being left them, they borrowed the ascetic's scourge, and used it.
* ↑ From 1674 to 1700, these lines stood: I here engage to be your bail. And free you from th' unknightly jail. The etymology of caperdewsie, evidently a term for the stocks, is unknown.
* ↑ Hanging and wiving go by destiny. Handbook of Proverbs, p. 367.
* ↑ Xerxes whipped the sea, which was the mother of Venus, and Venus was the mother of Cupid; the sea, therefore, was the "grannum," or grandmother, of Cupid, and the object of imperial flagellation, when the winds and the waves were not propitious. See Juven. Sat. x. 180.
* ↑ As Venus came from the sea the poet supposes some connection with the word rosemary, or ros maris, dew of the sea. Rosemary was worn at weddings, and carried at funerals. See chapter on the subject in vol. ii. p. 119—123, Brand's Pop. Antiquities (Bohn's edition).
* ↑ Coopers, like blacksmiths, give to their work alternately a heavy stroke and a light one; which our poet humorously compares to the Lydian and Phrygian measures. The former were soft and effeminate, the latter rough and martial.
* ↑ One of the follies practised by Inamoratos. Grey quotes a tract, printed in 1659, which informs us that French gallants "in their frolics, spare not the ornaments of their madams, who cannot wear a piece of ferret-ribbon, but they will cut it in pieces and swallow it in wine, to celebrate their better fortune."
* ↑ Spell them in the number of glasses of beer, as before at ver. 570.
* ↑ The plain meaning of the distich is, venture disease for painted and perfumed whores.
* ↑ Alluding to an ecclesiastical discipline for such faults as adultery and fornication.
* ↑ Meaning the penance which Don Quixote underwent on the mountain for the sake of Dulcinea, Part i. book iii. ch. 2.
* ↑ Ibrahim, the illustrious Bassa, in the romance of Monsieur Scudery. His mistress, Isabella, princess of Monaco, being conveyed away to the Sultan's seraglio, he got into the palace disguised as a slave, and, after a multitude of adventures, became grand vizier.
* ↑ To tawc, is a term used by leather-dressers, signifying to soften the leather and make it pliable, by rubbing it. See Wright's Glossary.
* ↑ Alluding to an Italian romance, entitled Florio and Biancafiore. The widow here cites some illustrious examples of the three nations, Spanish, French, and Italian, to induce the knight to give himself a scourging, according to the established laws of chivalry. The adventures of Florio and Biancafiore, which make the principal subject of Boccacio's Filocopo, were famous long before Boccacio, as he himself informs us. Florio and Blancaster are mentioned as illustrious lovers, by a Languedocian poet, in his Breviari d' Amor, dated in the year 1288: it is probable, however, that the story was enlarged by Boccacio. See Tyrwhitt on Chaucer, iv. 169.
* ↑ Alluding to the schoolmasters' passion for whipping.
* ↑ The person here meant is Lady Munson. Her husband, Lord Munson, of Bury St Edmund's, one of the king's judges, being suspected by his lady of changing his political principles, was by her, with the assistance of her maids, tied naked to the bed-post, and whipped till he promised to behave better. For which useful piece of political zeal she received thanks in open court. Sir William Waller's lady, Mrs May, and Sir Henry Mildmay's lady, were supposed to have exercised the same authority. See History of Flagellants, p. 340, 8vo; and Loyal Songs, vol. ii. p. 68, and 58.
* ↑ "Legislative blows," in the two first editions.
* ↑ In editions subsequent to 1734, we read: I'll free you from the enchanted den.
* ↑ So in the corrections at the end of vol. ii. of the second edition in 1664.
* ↑ One of the romance writers' extravagant conceits.
* ↑ The rays of the sun obscure the moon by day, and enlighten it by night. This passage is extremely beautiful and poetical, showing, among many others, Butler's powers in serious poetry, if he had chosen that path.
* ↑ Altered subsequently to— And in the night as freely shone, As if her rays had been her own.
* ↑ This and the following line were first inserted in the edition of 1671.
* ↑ The critic will remark how exact our poet is in observing times and seasons; he describes morning and evening; and one day only is passed since the opening of the poem.