# Horrid Mysteries: a Story/Volume 3/Chapter 6

CHAPTER VI.
S******i and I left Paris with light hearts, and cheerfully anticipated the pleasures which awaited us. Our hilarity encreased with every mile that carried us farther from the residence of every terrestrial happiness. We did not regret it in the least; and were entirely occupied with ​the serenity of the sky, with our plans, and the good-natured cheerfulness of the country people. Berry lay before us, and promised to afford us ample scope for observations and amusement. Autumn was on the verge, and the wind whistled more chilly and bleak through the fading leaves: this is, however, the very season that agrees best with a certain weariness of soul. My companion was, besides, a man that would have been capable of soothing the acutest sorrows; for a most insinuating gentleness animated every word of his, and he took the warmest interest in the least trifle that concerned the heart. The objects that presented themselves to his eyes, made him completely forget all his cares; his exuberant imagination was sufficiently purified by the trial of early disappointments and sufferings; and his hilarity of mind reflected a cheerful light on every object that presented itself to his eyes. His heart was the amicable abode of tender sensibility; and he was too good-​natured to confine his friendship to an individual fellow-creature, cherishing the whole human race with undivided affection.
We travelled for some time without meeting with any remarkable incident, accelerating our course whenever we thought proper, and stopping at every place which promised to afford us pleasure. Count S******i being disposed by nature, and I by my fate, by philosophy and stern necessity, to find every where scope for amusement, we met at all places where we stopped a kind reception, and people with whom we could converse. Nothing is more ridiculous than to travel for the sake of amusement and improvement, and at the same time to pay a nice attention to one's rank. I have known very few ramblers who travelled with that intention, that did not display more or less of that foolish pomp. A traveller never ought to expect real pleasure and benefit from his rambles, if he is not initiated in the great ​art of being a peasant amongst country people, an artist amongst artists, and a merchant amongst merchants.
I have never known a man who possessed the different qualities and perfections which compose that art in a more extensive compass than S******i; his temper, which breathed nothing but cheerfulness and affability, appropinquating him to every open physiognomy. He spoke the language of all ranks, knew all their prejudices, their favourite ideas, and peculiar expressions. He could assume almost any shape; and no one could resist his manner, which spoke a language that is generally understood, the language of the heart. My rambling life, and the frequent changes of my situation, had taught me also a little knowledge of man; but whenever I was near him, I was but too sensible that I was obliged to exert all my attention, if I would spoil nothing. He stole almost irresistibly upon every heart; and scarcely a quarter of an hour elapsed before he was ​the idol of people who saw him the first time. There was no rest in the house before our horses were watered and baited, and our dinner or supper got ready. All was in a bustle: six feet were in motion as soon as one signified a wish; they assembled cheerfully around us; spoke freely, and without disguise, of every thing. The prettiest girls were selected to dance with us, or offered themselves voluntarily with the most amiable simplicity and innocence. Wherever we shewed ourselves, we beheld joy and good will depicted on every countenance; and were happy even amid the smoke of several dozens of tobacco pipes. If we stayed more than one day at a village, some little feast was generally given on our account; the best bottle of wine was fetched out of the cellar; the young girls of the place were assembled; and these poor people, who only wanted a pretext for being merry, were rendered happy for several hours by the share we took in their amusements. ​S******i, in return, slighted neither their dishes, nor their offers, nor their society; he ate and drank with every one what was offered to him; danced as well with the ugly as with the handsome villagers without discrimination; spoke and laughed with every one at whatever they chose; and frequently played a ballad on the guittar, or related his travels. Such a silence did then prevail around us, that one could have heard the falling of a feather. the company sat gaping on the benches, and hardly dared to fetch breath before the tale was concluded; the consequence of which was, that these poor people parted with us with weeping eyes, or ran a quarter of a mile after us, on our departure.
At Blois we happened to meet the Duke of B******, and gave occasion to that proud Briton, who thought to carry every thing by the weight of his purse, to make a very mortifying experience. Having arrived early in the morning, we deter​mined to take a ride after dinner, and to survey the environs of the town. The Duke arrived, not long before our return, with two coaches, two valets, seven or eight giant-like servants, and two led-horses. The landlady, who was preparing our supper, hesitated a while whether she should admit the proud Peer with his numerous retinue, notwithstanding the display of his guineas, as she could foresee that he would give her so much trouble that she should not be able to enjoy our society. At length she gave the keys of the apartments to the waiter, and ordered him to shew the Duke up. The purse-proud Nobleman being used to be received with the greatest respect at the inns, was astonished to see himself ushered in by the waiter, the landlady being just occupied to prepare a rice cream, which Count S******i had ordered; and the landlord gone in quest of a bottle of Vin de la Cote, which my friend had wished to have.
​The Duke took, however, possession of his apartments, and suddenly a dreadful noise arose in the yard. Our two servants had been watering their horses, while the Duke's people had quartered theirs in our stable, which appeared to them to be more commodious, and better than the rest. Our trusty esquires were astonished to find, on their return, the receptacle of their beasts occupied by new inhabitants; and having not the least inclination to be dislodged, Antonio dismounted silently, with all possible Spanish grandezza, led the intruders into the yard, and put his horses in possession of their former station, in presence of all the servants, who were struck with astonishment on seeing the beasts of an English Peer treated thus disrespectfully, and dislodged by two miserable hacks, as they were pleased to call them.
Their indignation soon broke out into dreadful curses; and they asked Alfonso, with kindling rage, how he dared to re​move the horses of an English Lord. A loud laugh was the only answer my servant returned. He locked the stable, and having put the key coolly into his pocket, was going to step into the house. The Duke's servants seeing themselves treated with so much disrespect, grew furious; and the contest soon became so clamorous and warm, that the Peer, hearing the voices of his people, opened the window of his bed-chamber, and desired to know the cause of their quarrel. Being informed of Alfonso's temerity, he ordered him, in a domineering accent, to deliver up the key, and to put his horses into another stable. The servants exulted already at their supposed victory; but Alfonso pleaded, with the greatest civility, his prior claims to the stable, and declared that he rather would lose his life than give up the key. The Peer being highly exasperated at his obstinacy, ordered his servants to take it from him by force; and his people having only waited for the sig​nal of attack, fell furiously upon poor Alfonso. The honest fellow being assailed by seven strong and lusty men, saw no other expedient of saving the key, than to throw it into an open window, which went into the kitchen where the landlady was busily occupied with the Count's rice cream.
She had been amused already for some time by the scene which was acting under her window, and secretly applauded Alfonso's spirited conduct. He possessed, like my friend S******i, a secret charm to ingratiate himself with all the landladies we met with on our journey; and our hostess no sooner saw him fling the key into the kitchen, than she took it for a signal to come to his assistance, and instantly armed herself with her largest skimmer to terminate the contest. She was firmly resolved to hit a sound blow at the lusty fellow who had seized her dear Alfonso by the collar, when the landlord appeared on the field of battle, carrying the bottle ​the costly wine, which he had got at last, after numberless fruitless inquiries, triumphantly under his arm. He was instantly informed of the cause of the contest in a most clamorous manner, and hastened with his yoke-mate to poor Alfonso's relief.
The Duke's servants being more desirous to get the key into their possession than to vent their vengeance against my man, had already unhanded him, when they came up with them, without having done him any other harm than beating a hole into his head as large as a shilling. It may easily be conceived what a terrible clamour our landlady raised when she beheld the broken head of her favourite. "Good god! what will the dear gentlemen say on their return!" she exclaimed ever and anon. "Holy Peter! how they will be enraged!" Mean time, one of the Duke's servants attempted to get into the house to fetch the key, which she no sooner perceived, than she hit him such a ​dreadful blow with her culinary weapon in the face, that the poor fellow staggered back with a roaring yell.
The Duke now ordered his people to desist from all further contention; for although he was an Englishman, yet he did not possess a large share of that undaunted courage for which his countrymen are renowned; and having learnt, by the exclamation of the landlady, that Alfonso had a master, which till then had not come into his Lordship's mind, he thought it prudent to proceed with less violence. The hostess did, however, no sooner espy him at the window, than she let loose the reins of her tongue, thinking him to be the chief cause of that incident. She read such a lecture to the Englishman on the impudence of his people, as he probably never had heard before. Her husband too, who was not in the habit of agreeing with his loving spouse, was of the same opinion with her, declaring that the stable could be parted with for no price.
​The Duke thinking the honour of his nation was at stake, looked upon this Philippic as a challenge to throw some guineas out of the window: however, that indelicate expedient only served to exasperate the host more violently; yet he contented himself with kicking them indignantly aside, and proceeded to the Duke's apartment, to remonstrate with him on his conduct. The latter was, by our host's obstinacy, inflamed with such an eagerness of getting possession of the stable, that he offered a considerable sum of money; and at last threatened to quit the house immediately. But neither the one nor the other made the least impression upon the headstrong landlord; and the Peer was, at length, obliged to drop the contest, because he knew that he could not get post-horses before the next day, and apprehended that he should find no accommodation in another inn.
The host was just going to quit the apartment, when the Duke perceived the ​bottle he carried under his arm. He inquired after the name of the wine, and it happened unfortunately to be his Lordship's favourite liqour. He began, therefore, to make new offers; but the host was equally inexorable: nay, he was even so malicious as to extoll the deliciousness of the wine to the skies; adding, that he had found it extremely difficult to get a bottle of it, and that he would take no price for it. The Duke inquiring after the reason of such strange behaviour, the host, who was impatient to display his attachment to the Count, enumerated our merits in a most hyperbolical manner, and laid a particular stress on the description he was pleased to give of our noble spirit and bravery. "These two gentlemen do, indeed, travel in a simple and unexpensive manner," he concluded: "however, I will be hanged if they are not two foreign princes who travel incognito." These words had the desired effect on the Duke: he now began seriously to think that his ​heat had misled him to commit a very foolish action, and asked the landlord, with visible perplexity, how he thought Alfonso could be indemnified best. The landlord shook his head, declaring, that he was afraid it could not be done by money; and an attempt which the Duke made to that purpose confirmed his supposition. We returned from our excursion in the moment the landlord had finished his parley. The Duke was at the window, and seemed to be astonished at the majestic appearance of the Count, whose uncommonly beautiful horse was prancing in the yard. The noble animal was of a high mettle, and gave his rider an opportunity of displaying his skill in horsemanship. Mean-while the landlady came running out of the house to seize the reins of the horse, thinking the Count was in danger; and Alfonso, whose head was bound up, was close at her heels. We dismounted; and seeing a number of ​strange servants in the house, could partly guess at the affair.
Having patiently listened to the minute account of our kind landlady, we found that it was of a complexion which made it necessary we should wait upon his Lordship immediately. He received us with an incredible perplexity, which he strove to conceal as much as possible. My address was very short; and, without mentioning our names, or inquiring for his, I asked him what sort of satisfaction he meant to give to my servant for the ill treatment of which he had been the principal cause? He started some difficulties; but at length grew more reasonable, begging my pardon; and we parted with mutual civility.
We frequently met with similar instances; for the vanity of men is greater than their desire for gain. We had entirely divested ourselves of our rank and dignity; and without abandoning, only for a moment, that elegance of deportment which ​always distinguishes a man of noble birth and a good education, flattered the passions and prejudices of every one. Little friends ought not to be slighted, as well as petty enemies; and we frequently received the greatest services from people of whom we had not expected the smallest kindness. The innkeepers and their people rivalled every where to treat us as well as possible: the less we required, and the more satisfied we seemed to be with what they could give us, the more did they exert themselves to render us every kind of service, and to anticipate our wishes; the consequence of which was, that we never had any reason to complain of the insolence and the imposition of the landlords; and we were convinced, by repeated experience, that travellers generally have to accuse no person but themselves if they are not well treated by the innkeepers.
One evening we had already left Chartres far behind us, and approached a village, whose solitary, but romantic, situation ​promised us, if not a convenient, at least an agreeable, accommodation for the night. We had made it a rule to decline as much as possible from the high road, bending our course generally towards a village on the top of a rising eminence, or secluded from the rest of the world in a deep valley. There nature was purer, happiness more artless; the inhabitants were handsomer and more cordial; and the reception was kinder than in the neighbourhood of more cultivated manners.
And why did we travel? Was a statistic speculation, or the examination of the different degrees of morality, or of churches and steeples, or of bridges and edifices; were the fine arts, or any thing of that kind, the objects of our peregrination? Certainly not. If one is desirous to travel for that purpose, one must not stop long at Paris, where speculation finds such an ample scope, and where the finest products of art, and the objects of the most luxuriant physical and moral refinement are so numerous, that a resi​dence of a twelvemonth at that gay capital blunts the senses and the mind almost entirely; takes away every relish for such objects, at least for a considerable time; and excites an irresistible desire to fly from that fatiguing bustle, and to rest the weary mind, and the satiated senses, on the bosom of pure and artless nature. This was our aim, and constituted our sole pleasure.
The hamlet, which now hailed our eyes, seemed to consist only of a few houses; and reclined so artfully against the steep declivity of a rock, that it was almost perpendicularly suspended over a precipice. The eminence terminated, on both sides, in a plain, which was covered with a number of a fertile hillocks, and exhibited a variegated mixture of garden ground, meadows, and wood. Art seemed to have joined with nature to mix the colours in the most pleasing manner.
The sensations of the traveller chiefly depend upon trifles. Nothing, therefore, ​produces a more picturesque effect than the rising smoke of a solitary chimney concealed between a cluster of trees. Hunger, fatigue, and curiosity, lead us to form an idea conformable to the disposition of our imagination, or to the wants of the moment of the scene which is before us: we anticipate the enjoyment of every thing we expect to find, mould the faces into the form in which we wish to meet them, and reduce the circumstances to the shape that would be the most convenient to us. Nothing is truer than that not the enjoyment makes us happy, but its approach.