# Diamonds To Sit On/Chapter 31

Contents
CHAPTER XXXI
A SHADY PAIR
MORNING. The passengers on the "Scriabin" were beginning to stir. Ropes were thrown out at the Barminov landing-stage and the Scriabin, amidst shouts and yells, slowly came in to the side. It was still early in the morning, and it was decided that the draw in the lottery should take place at nine o'clock.
Work on the Scriabin began punctually at nine o'clock, just as on land, and every one remained true to his habits. Whoever was late on land was also late here, although his office was his bedroom, and the employees of the Commissariat of Finance soon became accustomed to their new way of life.
Office boys were sweeping the cabin floors and were just as indifferent about it as if they were in the Moscow offices. Messenger girls carried tea round and ran about taking papers from one department to another, and the adding machines and typewriters were clicking merrily away. Some one was being scolded in the captain's cabin.
The great schemer was walking barefoot round a long narrow strip of red cloth. He was busy painting a slogan on it, and every now and then he would refer to something written on a small piece of paper.
'Everything for the State! Every worker should have a Government loan certificate in his pocket!'
The great schemer was doing his best, but the absence of talent was obvious: the letters were sloping badly and the piece of red cloth was irretrievably spoilt. Then with the help of Hippolyte he turned the cloth over and again began to daub, but this time he was more careful; before splashing the paint on ​2O8
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
for the letters he drew two parallel chalk lines ; and quietly cursing at the innocent Hippolyte, he set to work again. Hippolyte conscientiously did all that a youthful assistant should do. He fetched hot water, he melted the glue, he sneezed as he poured the dry colour powder into pails, and listened obediently to his exacting master. As soon as the slogan was ready and the letters were dry, the two conspirators lifted the cloth carefully and nailed it to the side of the steamer. The fat man who had engaged Bender hurried down the gangway to examine the new artist’s work from the shore. The letters were of varying size and were slanting in various directions. There was nothing to be done, however ; he would have to put up with it. The brass band went ashore and began to play rousing marches. The children of the place immedi­ ately ran up and they were soon followed by the peasants. The band went on thundering until the members of the Finance Commission came ashore. The meeting began. The first part was taken up with the reading of a report on the international situation, which was delivered from the steps of a tea-room. The Columbus Theatre company had remained on board and were watching the meeting from a distance. They could see the white headkerchiefs of the women who stood to one side of the tea-room. They could see a stolid, immovable group of men who were listening to the orator, and they could see the orator himself, who waved his arms about from time to time. Then the band began to play again. The first part of the meeting was over ; the band continued to play as it moved towards the steamer, and the crowd followed. The apparatus for the lottery was methodically throw­ ing out combinations of numbers, and as the wheels turned round, the numbers were shouted out. The Barminov inhabitants watched and listened intently. Bender joined the crowd, looked round, saw that all ​A SHADY PAIR
209
the Scriabin passengers were safely out of the way in the lottery-room, and then ran up on deck again. ‘ Hippolyte,’ he whispered, ' there’s an important bit of artistic work for you to do. Go to the exit of the first-class corridor and stand there, and if any one passes you sing louder.’ ‘ What do you mean ? What am I to sing ? ’
Save the Tsar Sing something passionate, but I warn you that if you don’t sing at the right moment I’ll knock your head off.’ The great schemer pattered into the corridor, and for a second Hippolyte could see his reflection in the mirror at the end of the corridor as he read the notice on one of the doors : ‘ Nikolas Sestrin, Producer ’
A few seconds later, he was running along the corridor carrying a chair with bent legs. He came up on deck and after exchanging glances with Hippolyte, took the chair into a comer. ‘ The chair must remain here until the evening,’ he said rapidly. ‘ I have thought the whole thing out. Hardly any one comes to this part of the boat. Cover the chair with our canvases and when it’s dark we can quietly rip it open.’ A minute later the chair was hidden under canvases and bunting. Hippolyte was again overcome with anxiety and nervousness. ' Why not take it to our cabin ? ’ he said impati­ ently. ‘ We could examine it then and there, and if the diamonds are in it we can go ashore at once.’ ‘ And if we don’t find them, what are we to do with the chair ? Perhaps you’d like me to return it to Comrade Sestrin and say politely : “ Excuse us, com­ rade, we stole your chair, but unfortunately we did not find what we were looking for. You can have it back now, although we’re afraid it is in a slightly damaged condition.” Is that what you’d do ? ’ ​210
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
The great schemer was right, as usual, and Hippolyte only recovered from his confusion as he heard the sounds of an overture being played on deck. The financial transactions were over for the day, and the spectators on the river-bank were noisily showing their approval of the jazz band. The ‘ Five Noises ’—Malkin, Galkin, Palkin, Chaikin, and Zalkind were as proud as could be, and the expression on their faces seemed to be saying ; ‘ You see ! You tried to make out that the masses would not understand or appreciate, but Art always penetrates ! ’ Then on an improvised stage the Columbus Theatre company gave a light vaudeville performance of song and dance. A story was centred round a certain Vavila, who had won fifty thousand roubles in a lottery, and his subsequent adventures. The actors enjoyed themselves, they danced energetically and sang pleasantly, and the audience on the river-bank was satisfied. The second number on the programme was a balalaika virtuoso during which the faces of the audience were wreathed in smiles. This item was followed by the acrobatic antics of Georgette Tiraspolskikh, and the entertainment closed with a number of Russian dances. The Scriabin was getting ready to leave Barminov. The captain yelled instructions down the speakingtube to the engine-room. While the stokers were busy with the furnaces, the brass band went on shore again and to the delight of the crowd began to play dance music. The people danced and the cinema operator took pictures. Once again the siren began to scream and again ^e sun began to set. A second night was falling. The steamer was ready to leave. Bender was very anxious about the next day, for he had to cut out of cardboard the figure of a sower scattering loan certificates, and he had not the shghtest ​A SHADY PAIR
211
idea how to do it. He might manage to paint letters, but he had absolutely not the shghtest idea what a sower looked hke. ' It’s got to be ready by to-morrow night,’ Fatty had said to him. ‘ You needn’t worry,’ Bender had replied. ‘ It’ll be done.’ Night fell. A slight wind rose and stars appeared. All the passengers were asleep, but the shady pair were wideawake. Shortly after midnight Bender crept out of his cabin, and the faithful Hippolyte shadowed him like a ghost. They went up on deck and came to the place where the chair was buried under the canvases. Very care­ fully they cleared it, set it upright, and Bender began to unpick the upholstery. This done, he thrust his hand into the stuffing. The wind was whistling over the deck. Overhead stretched the starry sky and below them the splashing water. The river-banks were out of sight. Hippolyte was shivering with excitement. ‘ They’re here ! ’ said Bender in a muffled voice. ‘ They’re here ! ’ he repeated. ‘ Take this ! ’ And Hippolyte took hold of a flat wooden box, while Bender continued to burrow in the chair. ‘ Well, I’m damned! ’ said Bender; ‘ there’s nothing else here ! ’
' Look for yourself then ! ’ said Bender. Hardly daring to breathe, Hippolyte thrust his hand into the seat of the chair. He felt the springs with his fingers and they were the only hard objects he could feel. The chair smelt musty. ‘ Well,’ said Bender, ' anything there ? ’ ‘ Nothing,’ said Hippolyte. Bender picked up the chair and flung it overboard. A loud splash and it had gone Both men were shivering as they went down again to their cabin. ​212
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
Never mind/ said Bender. ' At any rate we’ve found something.’ Hippolyte pulled the little box out of his pocket and looked at it stupidly. Come on ; pass it over ! What’s the use of staring at It hke that ? ’ ® They opened the little box and they found inside it a small brass disk on which was written :
With this chair Master Gambs begins his new design. St. Petersburg, 1863. Bender read the inscription. ' But where are the diamonds ? ’ asked Hippolyte. You are amazingly intuitive, my dear friend,’ said Bender. As you see, there are no diamonds here.’ pathetic sight. His moustache was trembling, his glasses were misty, his face was drawn, he looked desperate. ‘Never mind. Pussy, never mind! Stifle your sorrow One of these days, we’ll have a good laugh over the eighth chair. Pull yourself together. There are three more chairs here and ninety-nine chances to a hundred. Let the good work go on.’