# Bill the Minder/The Merchant's Wife

THE MERCHANT'S WIFE AND THE MERCHANT
VERY, very good, indeed,' the King remarked when the policeman had finished his story, and he was so pleased that he gave all the youngsters a half-holiday, with strict injunctions to be back in time for tea.
​At tea-time they all came skipping back, bringing with them a little old man they had found, apparently lost, and moping about the common. He carried in front of him a pedlar's tray, on which were exposed for sale many little oddments, such as reels of cotton, needles, pins, ribbons, and even little toys, which he now hawked round amongst the assembled company. As many as were able bought some small thing or other out of kindness to the little merchant, and the good-natured old monarch invited him to tea.
While they were all enjoying this meal, they were disturbed by a great noise, very much like the galloping of a horse, and suddenly, without any warning, right into their midst there leapt a very large woman, who immediately seized upon the little merchant, and attempted to drag him away. Bill at once went to the assistance of the little fellow, and endeavoured to pacify his assailant. At length the irate creature calmed down, and addressing the company in an aggrieved tone, said: —'It's all very well for you people to stand up for this wicked man, but not one of you knows the dance the little wretch has led me for the last fifteen years.'
'Of course,' the King answered, 'it is hardly to be expected that we should know anything of either of you, considering that this is the very first time we have had the pleasure of meeting you. Perhaps you will be so kind as to enlighten us, and explain to us your strange conduct.'
​The large woman now sat down upon the grass and said:—'Well, I suppose I had better do so. Give me a cup of tea, and I'll let you know all there is to know.'
A cup of tea was accordingly handed to her, from which she took a sip, and then proceeded thus:—
'About fifteen years ago I was so unfortunate as to wed this poor specimen of a man you see before you, and we had not set up house together very long before I could see that he wanted thoroughly looking after, and, indeed, that he could hardly be allowed out by himself. Now this was very awkward, as his business required that he should be out all day, so I proposed to accompany him on his rounds. Holding him securely fastened to the end of a long cord, I never let him out of my sight for more than a minute at a time, and so kept him from mischief After a year or so, however, this grew rather tiresome for me, as I had to neglect my household duties in attending upon my husband, and, in the end, was compelled to let him out again alone.
Bringing with them a little old man
​you believe me, in spite of all my care, he would sometimes return earlier and, as I learnt afterwards, remain outside until the clock struck eight, when he would creep in as though he had only just returned?
'But my great trouble only began a few weeks ago, when, one evening, having cooked his nightly turnip, I waited patiently for my good man's return. At length the clock struck eight, and, to my surprise, it was not immediately followed by my husband's timid knock. One minute passed; two minutes passed; three minutes passed; four minutes passed; and, on the fifth minute, there was a low knock at the door, and in crept the miserable man, and cowered to his place. But, as you may suppose, there was no turnip for him that night, until he had given a satisfactory explanation of his late return. The only excuse the frightened little ruffian had to offer was, that he had dropped a needle on the road, and had to return for it. So he went supperless to bed.
'The next evening, having warmed up the old turnip, I again awaited his return. Eight o'clock struck, and, to my even greater surprise, it was not followed by the merchant's knock, and this time it was six minutes past before he entered, and with no better excuse for his late arrival than that he had dropped a reel of cotton on the road, and had to return for it. "Let this be a lesson to you, my man," said I, as I once more put away the turnip, which he had been regarding with longing eyes, and sent him to bed.
​'For the third time, on the following evening, I warmed up the turnip, feeling convinced that after the severe lesson he had received, my merchant would not again serve me such a trick. But eight o'clock struck, and then one minute passed; then two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and as the minute-hand pointed to the ten, he crawled in on hands and knees, not daring to raise his eyes from the ground. And then I told him what I thought of his conduct.
MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON
his heels, and ran as hard as he could in the opposite direction. I lost no time in climbing over the wall, behind which I had been hiding, and quickly followed him. Out of the town the villain ran as swiftly as he could go, and I followed as close as possible, without being seen by him, and was only just in time to see the rogue climb into an old barrel that was standing, end up, in a field near the roadway. "Now," thought I, "I've got you in a trap, my fine fellow," and I ran up to the barrel. I could hardly believe the evidence of my eyes when I found it to be quite empty. Amazed ​beyond measure, I at last turned my steps towards home.
'On arriving home, I found that my husband had not returned, and it was fully twenty minutes past eight when at last he appeared, but I was so astonished that I could not say a word to the little rascal, and once more he went supperless to bed.
'For four more days I followed the little man without approaching a solution to this riddle. Each day he would go about his business in the usual manner and, in the evening, he would run to the barrel, into which he would speedily disappear. He came home later and later every night, until I could stand this state of things no longer; and, on the sixth day I determined never to return until I had satisfactorily cleared up this mystery. This time, instead of following my merchant through the town, I went direct to the barrel, and, hiding myself behind a bush near by, prepared to wait there all day and see what happened.
'I had not made myself comfortable many minutes before I saw two old men coming along the road from the town; so old were they indeed, that they could only creep along by leaning one against the other. Right up to the barrel they crawled, and then, to my surprise, they scrambled over its sides and disappeared. Presently two more just as old and decrepit came along and disappeared in the same way. Now three more came, then two again, and then only one, all as old and wretched as could be, and each ​one crawled into the barrel and vanished. This went on for some time when, unable to restrain my curiosity and wondering why on earth the barrel didn't become full, I hurriedly left my hiding-place and looked therein, to find that it yet remained quite empty. I had barely time enough to regain my hiding-place when more and more old men came along the road and disappeared into the barrel.
'This went on all day, and when the evening drew near, I could see my little man approaching from the town. As I expected, he walked straight up to the barrel, and in a twinkling had vanished inside. Without giving myself a moment to think, I once more left my hiding-place and climbed into the mysterious old tub. It was certainly rather a tight fit, but I managed to get in somehow or other. Presently I was astonished and alarmed to find that the bottom of the barrel, which I had imagined to rest on the earth, began to give way and open like a trap-door, and I felt myself sinking lower and lower, down a sort of well. The next thing, I found myself at the bottom of the well, and at the mouth of a tunnel so narrow and low that I could only go through it on my hands and knees. This, however, I proceeded to do, and found that it opened into a great chamber cut out of the solid rock.
'Not daring to enter, I gazed into this strange place, which was lighted with many candles all affixed to the rocky walls with their own tallow. On the centre of the floor was piled a great heap of children's ​toys,—tin trumpets, wooden horses, drums, hoops, skipping-ropes, rocking-horses, peg-tops, in fact, every conceivable toy that a sensible child could wish for. Around this great heap, instead of children, sat all the poor miserable old men I had seen enter the barrel, and amongst them I now perceived my husband, who certainly seemed no happier than the rest. Securely hidden in the narrow passage from every one in the room, I could now watch all that took place, in the greatest comfort.
'Not a word was said by any of the decrepit creatures as they stared absently at the toys in the middle of the room. Presently one whom I took to be their host, as I had not seen him enter the barrel, took from a peg on the wall, from which it had been suspended by a piece of string, an old bent tin pipe and proceeded to play. At once the wrinkled faces of the poor old fellows began to brighten up, and as the music grew more lively, they rocked their withered frames to and fro to the tunes. Soon, one by one, they stood upon their feet, and seeming to lose their old age as the music every moment became more enchanting, they forgot their feebleness and danced gaily about the room.
KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF
see me there, and as we danced merrily up and down the room, to my great joy and astonishment, I felt myself growing younger every moment, whilst the rest of the company, now all transformed to fine young men, danced in one circle round us, as handsome a couple as you would wish to see.
GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS
and girls once more. At last we found ourselves to be a crowd of little toddling children, and, my word! how we grabbed at the great heap of toys placed there for our amusement, and what a time we had to be sure!
'Under the great heap of toys, we discovered the most glorious tarts, pastries, cakes and sweets, and it didn't seem to matter how much you ate of them, for you never lost your appetite for more. At last, alas! the wonderful music quieted down, and by degrees we once more lost our childhood, then our youth, and, when the music suddenly stopped, we all returned to our old selves again, and fell flat on our faces quite tired out, while our host hung up his old tin pipe on its peg in the wall.
IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE
conscience-stricken creature trembled before my gaze, and then made a rush for the door. All made way for him, but I quickly followed through the tunnel and mounted a ladder which led to the trap-door at the bottom of the barrel, out of which I climbed, but only in time to see the rascal disappear into the town. I then made the best of my way home.
'He had not returned when I arrived, so I waited three whole days and nights, prepared to make the unnatural man feel to the full my resentment at his shameful conduct. On the fourth day, as he had not come home, I went back to the tub, and not seeing any sign of him, I gave a kick to the old thing and sent it rolling over and over on its side. Would you believe me, there was not the slightest trace of any passage or well ever having existed beneath it. Since then I have wandered all over the country in search of this ungrateful wretch.' And the indignant woman, having finished her story, once more ​attempted to drag the affrighted little merchant away. Bill again intervened, and after a few very kind words, successfully persuaded her to allow her husband to remain with them, at the same time inviting her to make one of their brave band.
This she only consented to do on condition that the policeman also never left them, 'as you never know,' said she, 'what the little wretch will be up to next.'
The policeman having no objection to fall in with her wishes, they all marched on in peace.