# Shakespeare - First Folio facsimile (1910)/The Merry Wives of Windsor/Act 4 Scene 5

Scena Quinta.
Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans, Caius, Quickly.
Host.
What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick skin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke, snap.
Simp.
Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Falstaffe from M[aster]. Slender.
Host.
There’s his Chamber, his House, his Castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed:’tis painted about with the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock and call: hee’l speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto thee: Knocke I say.
Simp.
There’s an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp into his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
Host.
Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb’d: Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine Ephesian cals.
Fal.
How now, mine Host?
Host.
Here’s a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming downe of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) let her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priuacy? Fie.
Fal.
There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euen now with me, but she’s gone.
Simp.
Pray you Sir, was’t not the Wise-woman of Brainford?
Fal.
I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you with her?
Simp.
My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her seeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whether one Nim (Sir) that beguil’d him of a chaine, had the chaine, or no.
Fal.
I spake with the old woman about it.
Sim.
And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
Fal.
Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that beguil’d Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon’d him of it.
Simp.
I would I could haue spoken with the Woman
her selfe. I had other things to haue spoken with her too, from him.
Fal.  What are they? let vs know.
Host. I: come: quicke.
Fal.  I may not conceale them (Sir.)
Host. Conceale them, or thou di’st.
Sim.  Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris Anne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune to haue her, or no.
Fal.  ’Tis, ’tis his fortune.
Sim.  What Sir?
Fal.  To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman told me so.
Sim.  May I be bold to say so Sir?
Fal.  I Sir: like who more bold.
Sim.  I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master glad with these tydings.
Host. Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn) was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal.  I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taught me more wit, then euer I learn’d before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.
Bar.  Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage.
Host. Where be my horses? speake well of them varletto.
Bar.  Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behinde one of them, in a slough of myre; and set sputres, and away; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Faustasses.
Host. They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine) doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men.
Euan.
Where is mine Host?
Host. What is the matter Sir?
Euan.
Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three Cozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading, of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: I tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and full of gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and ’tis not conuenient you should be cozoned. Fare you well.
Cai.  Ver’is mine Host de Iarteere?
Host. Here (Master Doctor) in perplexifie, and doubtfull delemma.
Cai.  I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, dat you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: by my trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, to come: I tell you for good will: adieu.
Host. Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I am vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vndone.
Fal.  I would all the world might be cozond, for I haue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should come to the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed; and how my transformation hath beene washd, and cudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper’d, since I forswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde were but long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come you?
Qui.  From the two parties forsooth.
Fal.  The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the other: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suffer’d more for their sakes; more then the villanous inconstancy of mans disposition is able to beare.
Qui.  And haue not they suffer’d? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beaten blacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot about her.
Fal.  What telsst thou mee of blacke, and blew? I was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Rainebow: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Braineford, but that my admirable dexterifie of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer’d me, the knaue Constable had set me ith’Stocks, ith’common Stocks, for a Witch.
Qu, . Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber, you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your content: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts) what adoe here is to bring you together? Sure, one of you do’s not serue heauen well, that you are so cross’d.
Fal.  Come vp into my Chamber. Exeunt.
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