# Political History of the Devil Upon Two Sticks/Chapter 1

THE
POLITICAL HISTORY
of the
DEVIL
upon
TWO STICKS
СНАР. І.
and where and how Don Cleosas Perez Zambullo became
ONE night in October, when thick darkness had overspread the famous city of Madrid, and the weary inhabitants, being retired to their respective homes, had left the streets free to those restless lovers, whose nightly care is to sing their pains or pleasures under the balconies of their mistresses; and now the busy instruments had already roused the careful fathers, and alarmed the jealous husbands. —in short, it was almost midnight, when Don Cleofas Leandro Perez Zambulo, a young student of Alcala, very nimbly bolted out of the garret window of a house, into which the indiscreet son of the Cytherean goddess had enticed him. He endeavoured to preserve his life and honour by flying from three or four bullies, who followed close at his heels, threatning to kill or force him to marry a lady, with whom they had just surprised him.
​Though alone, he yet bravely defended himself some time against so much odds, and had still maintained his ground, if they had not wrested his sword from him in the fight: they followed him for some time along the gutters: but, favoured by the night, he at length got clear of them, and stealing along from onehouse top to another, he made towards a light which he perceived a great distance off, and which, feeble as it was, yet served him for a lanthorn in that dangerous conjuncture. After more than once running the risk of breaking his neck, he reached the garret whence its rays proceeded, and entered it by a window, as much transported with joy as a pilot is when he finds himself and his ship safe in the harbour after a narrow escape at sea and the terrors of a tempest.
He immediately look'd around him, and much wondered he should meet with nobody in an apartment which seemed so very odd and surprising. He examined it with great attention and saw a copper lamp hanging from the ceiling books and papers in confusion on the table, spheres and compasses on the one side, phials and quadrants on the other; all which made him conclude, that under this roof lived an astrologer, who usually retired hither to make his observations. He reflected on the dangers he had by good fortune escaped, and was considering what course was the most proper for him to take, when he was interrupted by a deep sigh that broke forth very near him. He at first took it for a nocturnal illusion or imaginary phantom, proceeding from the disturbance he was in, and without interruption continued his reflections.
But being interrupted a second time in the same manner, he then took it for something real; and though he saw no soul in the room, could not help crying out, what devil is it that sighs here? It is me, Signior student, answered a voice, which had some​what very extraordinary in it; I have been six months inclosed in one of those glass phials. In this house lives a skilful astrologer and magician, who by the power of his art has confined me to this close prison. You are then a spirit said Cleofas somewhat at this uncommon adventure. I am a dæmon, replied the voice and you are come very opportunely to free me from slavery where I languish in idleness; though I am the most active and indefatigable devil in hell.
Cleofas was somewhat affrighted at these words; but being naturally courageous, he recollected himself, and in a resolute tone thus adressed himself to the spirit. Signor dæmon, pray inform me by what character you are distinguished among your brethren, are you a devil of quality, or an ordinary one! I am, replied the voice a very considerable devil and am more estreme! in this and the other world than any other. Perhaps, replied Cleofas, you may be the daemon which we call Lucifer? No replied the spirit he is the mountebank's devil. Are you then Uriel? returned the student, Fie! hastily interrupted the voice) he is the patron of traders, taylors, butchers, bakers, and other third-rate thieves.
It may be you are Beelzebub, said Leandro, You deceive yourself, answered the spirit, he is the dæmon of governantes, and gentlemen ushers, or waiting men. This surprises me, said the student: I took Beelzebub for one of the greatest of your number. He is one of the least replied the dæmon; you have no true notion of our hell.
You must then, replied Don Cleofas, be either Leviathan, Belphegor; or Ashtaroth. Oh! as for, those three, said the voice, they are devils of the first rank; they enter into the councils of princes, animate the ministers, form leagues, stir up insurrections in states, and light the torches of war.
But my business lies another way, I make ridi​culous matches, and marry old grey-beards to raw girls under age, masters to their maids, virgins of low fortunes to lovers that have none. It is I that have introduced into the world luxury, debauchery, games of chymistry. I am the inventor, of carousals dancing, music, plays, and all the new French fashions. In a word, I am the celebrated Asmodeo, surnamed the Devil upon Two Sticks.
Ah! cried Don Cleofas you are then the famous Asmodeo, so gloriously celebrated by Agrippa and the Clavicula Salamonis? Really you have not told me all your amusements: you have forgotten the best of them, I know that you sometimes divert yourself with assuaging the pains of unfortunate lovers; by the same token, it was by your assistance that a young gentleman a friend of mine, crept into the good graces of a doctor of the university of Alcala's lady. It is true, said the spirit; I reserved that till the last: I am the dæmon of luxury, or to express it genteeller, the god Cupid: for the poets have bestowed that fine name on me, and indeed painted me in very advantageous colours; they describe me with gilded wings, a fillet bound over my eyes, a bow in my hand, a quiver of arrows on my shoulders, and a charming beautiful face. What sort of a face it is you shall immediately see, if you please to set me at liberty.
Signior Asmodeo, replied Don Cleofas you know that I have long been your sincere devotee; of the truth of which the dangers I just now ran are sufficient evidences. I should be very ambitious of an opportunity of serving you; but the vessel in which you are hidden is undoubtedly enchanted It is in your power to do it, answered the demon: the phial in which I am inclosed is barely a plain glass bottle, which is very easy to break; you need only throw it on the ground, and I shall immediately appear in human shape. If so, said the scholar, it is easier than I imagined; tell me then in which phial ​you are, for I see so many like one another, that I cannot distinguish them. It is the fourth from the window, replied the spirit, though the cork be sealed with a magical seal, yet the bottle will easily break.
It is enough, Signior Asmodeo, returned Don Cleofas; there is now only one small difficulty which deters me when I have done you this service, will you not make me pay for the broken pots? No accident shall befal you, answered the dæmon,; but on the contrary you will be pleased with my acquaintance, I will learn you whatever you are desirous to know, inform you of all things which happen in the world, and discover to you all the faults of mankind; I will be your tutelar dæmon, you shall find me much more intelligent than that of Socrates, and I will make you far surpass that philosopher in wisdom: in a word, I will bestow myself on you, with my good and ill qualities; the latter of which shall not be less advantageous to you than the former.
These are fine promises, replied the student, but you gentlemen devils are accused of not being very religious observers of what you promise to men. It is a groundless charge replied Asmodeo; some of my brethren indeed make no scruple of breaking their word, but I (not to mention the service you are going to do me, which I can never sufficiently repay) am a slave to mine; and I swear by all that renders our oaths inviolable, that I will not deceive you. Depend upon my assurances. I promise you withal, that you shall revenge yourself on Donna Thomasa, that perfidious lady, who hid four ruffians to surprise and force you to marry her; a circumstance that should please you.
Young Zambullo, charmed above all with this last promise, to hasten its accomplishment, immediately took the phial, and without concerning himself what might be the event of it, he threw it hard against the ground. It broke into a thousand pieces, and overflowed the floor with a blackish liquor, which ​by little and little evaporated, and converted itself into a thick smoke; which dissipating all at once the amazed student beheld the figure of a man in a cloak, about two feet and a half high, resting on two crutches. This diminutive lame monster had goats legs, a long visage, sharp chin, a yellow and black complexion, and very flat nose; his eyes, which seemed very little, resembled two lighted coals; his mouth was extremely wide, above which were two wretched red whiskers, edged with a pair of unparallel'd lips.
This charming Cupid's head was wrapt up in a sort of turban of red crape, set off with a plume of cock's and peacock's feathers. About his neck he wore a yellow linen collar, on which were drawn several models of necklaces, and ear-rings. He was dressed in a short white sattin coat, and girt about with a girdle of virgin parchment, marked with talismanical characters. On this coat were printed several pair of women's stays, very advantageously fitted for the discovery of their breasts; scarves, party-coloured aprons, new fashioned head dresses of various sorts, each more extravagant than the other.
But all these were nothing compared with his cloak, the ground of which was also of white sattin: on it with Indian ink, were drawn an infinite number of figures, with so much freedom and such masterly strokes, that it was natural to think the devil had a hand in itː on one side appeared a Spanish lady covered with her vail, teazsing a stranger as they were walking; and on the other a French one practising new airs in her class, in order to try them at a young patched and painted abbot who appeared at her chamber door. Here a parcel of Italian cavaliers were singing and playing on the guitar under their mistresses balconies; and there a company of Germans all in confusion and unbuttoned, more intoxicated with wine and begrimed with snuff than your conceited French fops, surrounding a table ​overflowed with the filthy remains of their debauchː in one place was a great Mahometan lord coming out of the bath, and encompassed by all the women of his seraglio, officiously crouding to tender him their service: in another, an English gentleman very gallantly presenting a pipe and a pot of beer to his mistress.
There the gamsters were also wonderfully well represented: some of them animated by a sprightly joy, heaping up pieces of gold and silver in their hatsː and others, broken and reduced to play upon honour, casting up their sacriligious eyes to heaven, and gnawing their cards with despair. To conclude, there were as many curious things to be seen on it, as on the admirable buckler of the son of Peleus, which exhausted all Vulcan's art; with this difference betwixt the performance of the two cripples, that the figures on the buckler had no relation to the exploits of Achilles, but on the contrary, those on the cloak were so many lively images of whatever was done in the world by the suggestion of Asmodeo.
Layout 2