# Memoirs of Vidocq, Volume III/Chapter 36

Thieves frequently fell into my clutches when I least expected them; it was said that their evil genius impelled them to come and find me. It must be confessed that those who thus flung themselves into the wolf's throat were horribly unlucky or infernally stupid. When I saw with what facility the majority of them gave themselves up, I was really astonished that they should have chosen a profession in which, to avoid perils, so many precautions are necessary: some of ​them were such good-natured fellows, that I considered as almost miraculous the impunity which they had enjoyed up to the moment when they met me, and paid the reckoning of their crimes. It is incredible that any individuals created expressly to fall into any plot or snare, should have awaited my coming to the police to be caught. Before my time the police was either most clumsily arranged, or else I was singularly fortunate: under any circumstances it is, as they say, "give a man luck and fling him into the sea." The following recital is in point. One day, towards twilight, dressed like a workman of the dock-yards, I was seated on the parapet of the Quai de Gèvres, when I saw, coming towards me, an individual whom I knew to be one of the frequenters of the Petite Chaise and the Bon Puits, two cabarets of renown for robbers.
"Good evening, Jean Louis," said this person, accosting me.
"Good evening, my lad."
"What the devil are you doing there! You look as if you were funking?"
"What do you mean, my boy? When the belly grumbles the mouth mumbles."
"What, the cupboard empty, that is not right for you, who are one of the family."
"Very true, but 'tis so."
"Come along, then, let us have a quart at Niguenac's: I have twenty browns left, and we will see how far they will go."
He conducted me to a vintner's, and called for a bottle, and then, leaving me for an instant, returned with two pounds of potatoes. "Here," he said, putting them smoking hot upon the table, "here are some gudgeons caught with a spade in the fields of Sablons; they are not fried though."
"These are oranges, but we want some salt."
"Salt, my lad, that will not ruin us."
The salt was brought, and, although an hour before I had made an excellent dinner at Martin's, I fell on the ​potatoes, and devoured them as if I had not tasted food for a couple of days.
"You peg away," said he, "as if you would crash your ivories, (teeth;) one would think that you were tucking in at a regular spread."
"Oh, my lad, all that goes down the gullet fills the belly."
"Very true, very true."
Mouthful followed mouthful with prodigious rapidity, and I did nothing but peel and swallow: I cannot tell how it was that I was not literally crammed, but my stomach had never been more complaisant. At last my task was done, my comrade offered me a quid, and thus addressed me.
"On the word of a man, and as true as my name is Masson, and is the same as my father's, I have always considered you a hearty blade; I know you have been unfortunate, I have been told so, but the devil's hoof is not always at the poor man's door, and if you like I can put you on a good scent."
"That would not, perhaps, suit me, for my rigging is not over and above excellent."
"True! I see, I see, (looking at my clothes, which were rather tattered,) it seems that at this moment you are not the luckiest cove in the world."
"Very right: I have most urgent need of a new fit out."
"In that case come with me, I have a locksmith's daughter with which I shall clear out an apartment this evening."
"Tell me all about it, for I must learn the particulars before I can join you in it."
"What a flat you are, there is no occasion for you to be fly.
"Oh! that is all true as gospel, and I am your man, only you can explain in two words ——."
"Now, hold your gab, I tell you my plan is settled, and the booty sure: the fence's ken (receiver's house) is only a stone's throw off. As soon as prigged, so ​soon disposed of; it is a good haul, and you shall have your whack."
"Come, then, let us be off."
Masson conducted me to the boulevard Saint Denis, which we traversed until we came to a heap of stones. There he stopped, looked about him to see that no one was watching, and then going up to the pile. He took off several lumps, put his hand into the cavity and fished up a bunch of keys.
"I have now all the herbs of Saint John," said he, "and we will go together to the corn-market."
On reaching the place, he pointed out to me, at a small distance, and almost opposite the guard-house, the house which he intended to enter.
"Now, my boy," said he, "do not go far distant, wait for me, and keep your weather-eye open; I am going to see if the mot has mizzled (if the woman of the house has gone out.)"
Masson opened the side-door, but no sooner had he shut it after him than I ran to the post, where making myself known to the chief, I hastily told him that a robbery was then committing, and that no time was to be lost, if they would secure the robber with the property in his possession. Having done this, I returned to the place where Masson had left me. Hardly had I got there when some person, advancing towards me, said,
"Is it you, Jean Louis?"
"Yes, it is me," was my reply, testifying my astonishment that he had returned empty-handed.
"Oh, say nothing about it; a devil of a neighbour came up the staircase and deranged my plans; but what is deferred is not lost. Minute follows minute and the mutton is boiled at last, as you will see; one must not compromise oneself."
He then left me again, and was not long in reappearing with a very large bundle, under the weight of which he was almost sinking. He passed me without uttering a word: I followed, and walking in close ​files, two guards, armed only with the bayonet, followed him also, making the least possible noise.
It was necessary to know where he deposited his booty. He entered a shopkeeper's at the Rue du Tour, (the death's head,) where he only stopped a moment.
"It was heavy," said he, on coming out, "and I have still a good cast to haul in."
I allowed him to go on, and returning again to the room he had before entered he completed the gutting of it; and scarcely had ten minutes elapsed before he descended the second time, carrying on his head a bed, mattresses, quilts, curtains, and sheets. He had not had time to make a good bundle of them, and on crossing the threshold, being stopped by the narrowness of the door, and unwilling to drop his prey, he stumbled and almost fell, but, recovering himself, he began his journey, beckoning me to follow him. At a turn of the street he came up to me, and said, in a low voice,
"I think I shall go back the third time, if you will go up with me, as we can then get down the window-curtains and blinds."
"Agreed," said I; "when one sleeps on straw curtains are a luxury."
"A luxury, indeed," said he, smiling; "but no time must be lost in chatter, do not go far away and I will hail you as I pass."
Masson went on his way, but at a short distance from where we had met we were both stopped. We were first conducted to the guard-house, and afterwards to the commissary, who interrogated us.
"There are two of you," said the public officer to Masson, (pointing at me,) "who is this man? I suppose a thief like yourself."
"Who is this man? Do I know him? Ask himself; when I shall have seen him once more, that will be the second time."
"You must not tell me that there is no collusion between you, for you were met together."
​"There is no collusion, my worthy commissary: he was going on one side of the way, I was coming on the other, just as he was passing close beside me, something slid from me, it was a pillow; I told him of it, and he stooped to pick it up, and just then the guard came up and nabbed us both: this is why I am now before you, and I wish I may die if it is not the actual truth. Ask him if it is not."
The story was not badly imagined, and I took care not to deny what Masson said, but follow in his track: at length the commissary appeared convinced. "Have you any papers?" he inquired. I showed a permission of residence, which was pronounced correct, and my dismissal was instantly ordered. An evident satisfaction pervaded the features of Masson, when he heard the words, allez-vous coucher, (go to bed,) addressed to me: it was the formula of my liberty, and he was so much rejoiced at it, that any person must have been blind not to perceive it.
The robber was still kept, and nothing remained but to lay hands on the female receiver before she had disposed of the property intrusted to her. An immediate search was made, and, surprised in the midst of most material evidence which condemned her, the death's head was carried off from her trade at the moment when she least expected it.
Masson was taken to the prefecture of police, and the next day, according to the custom of thieves, from time immemorial, when a brother labourer is grabbed, I sent him a twopenny brown loaf, a hock of bacon, and a franc. I was told that he felt obliged by the attention, but had not the slightest suspicion that he who sent him the tribute of the fraternity was the cause of his mishap. It was only at La Force that he learnt that Jean Louis and Vidocq were the same person, and then he devised a singular means of defence; he asserted that I was the author of the robbery with which he was charged, and that, wanting his aid to remove the property, I had gone to seek him: but this long story stated to the ​court would not bear him out, and Masson in vain pleaded his innocence: he was sentenced to incarceration.
A short time afterwards I was assisting at the preparations for the departure of the chain of galley-slaves, when Masson, whom I had not seen since his apprehension, saw me through the grating.
"Ha!" said he to me, "Monsieur Jean Louis: and so it was you who got me into the stone jug. Oh! if I had known that you were Vidocq I would have made you pay for the oranges!"
"You are a well-wisher of mine, then; you who made me the proposal of accompanying you?"
"Very true, but you never told me that you were a nose."
"If I had told you so I should have betrayed my trust, and that would not have prevented you from doing the job; you would only have chosen another pal."
"But you are not the less a rascal; I, who was so kind to you! Now, I would rather remain here as long as my life continued in my body, than be free, as you are, and equally dishonoured."
"Every man to his taste."
"That is very fine! your taste—a nose, a spy—very fine, truly!"
"Why, it is as respectable a trade as thieving; besides, but for us what would the honest men do?"
At these words he burst into a loud fit of laughter.
"Honest men I honest men!" he repeated, "you really make me laugh when I am in no grinning mood. Honest men! what would become of them? do not trouble yourself, for it cannot concern you; when you are at the meadow (Bagne) again you will sing to a different tune."
"Oh! he will return there," said one of the prisoners who was listening to us.
"He," cried out Masson, "we do not want him; luck to the jolly boys! that's the thing."
​Every time that my duties called me to Bicêtre I was sure that I should have to put up with such reproaches as I received from Masson. I seldom entered into discussion with the prisoner who apostrophized me: but I was not always silent, for fear that he might suppose, not that I despised him, but that I was afraid of him. Being in the presence of some hundreds of malefactors who had all, more or less, to complain of me, since they had all been apprehended by me, it may be supposed that it was necessary to evince some firmness, but this firmness was never more requisite than on the day when I first made my appearance in the midst of this horrible population.
I was no sooner the principal agent of the police of safety, than, most jealous of the proper fulfilment of the duty confided to me, I devoted myself seriously to acquire the necessary information. It seemed to me an excellent method to class, as accurately as possible, the descriptions of all the individuals at whom the finger of justice was pointed. I could thereby more readily recognise them if they should escape, and at the expiration of the sentence it became more easy for me to have that surveillance over them that was required of me. I then solicited from M. Henry authority to go to Bicêtre with my auxiliaries, that I might examine, during the operation of fettering, both the convicts of Paris and those from the provinces, who generally assemble on the same chain. M. Henry made many observations to turn me from a step, of which the advantages did not seem to him proportioned to the imminent danger to which I should thereby expose myself.
"I am informed," said he to me, "that the prisoners have conspired to play you some mischievous trick. If you persist—if you go at the departure of the chain, you will afford them an opportunity which they have long anxiously awaited: and, by my honour, whatever precaution you may take, I will not insure your safety." I thanked this gentleman for the interest which he testi​fied for me, but at the same time insisted that he should accord me the permission I asked for, and he at length gave me the order which it was necessary for me to obtain.
On the day of fettering I went to Bicêtre with some of my agents; I entered the court, and instantly a most tumultuous uproar ensued, mingled with cries: "Down with the spies! down with the villain! down with Vidocq!" were heard from all the windows, where the prisoners, mounted on each other's shoulders, with faces pressed against the bars, were collected in groups. I advanced a few paces, and the vociferations redoubled; the whole place resounded with invectives and threats of destruction, uttered with accents of fury; it was a most infernal sight to look at the visages of these cannibals, on which were manifested, by horrible contortions, the thirst of blood and the desire of vengeance. There was throughout the whole prison a most frightful uproar; I could not restrain an impulse of terror, and reproaching myself with my imprudence, was almost tempted to beat a retreat; but suddenly my courage mounted. "What!" said I to myself, "thou hast not trembled when thou hast attacked the villains in their dens: they are here under bolts and bars, and art thou now scared? Courage; if thou must perish, at least make head against the storm, and let them not think they have intimidated thee!"
This return to a resolution more suited to the opinion which should really be formed of me, was so rapid as to leave no opportunity for any person to remark my weakness; I soon recovered all my courage, and, no longer burthened by a shadow of fear, walked boldly forward with my eyes fixed on the windows, and advanced to those of the lower story. At this moment a new burst of rage was evinced by the prisoners. They were not men, but ferocious beasts who were roaring: it was a tumult, a noise; it might have been thought that Bicêtre was about to be rent from its foundations, and that the walls of its cells were actually gaping ​open. In the midst of this outrageous din, I made a signal that I wished to speak: a dead silence ensued after the tempest, and they listened. "Scum of the mob," I said, "why do you howl thus? It was when I grabbed you that you should, not have cried out, but defended yourselves. Shall you be any better for thus reproaching me? You treat me as a spy; well! I am a spy, but so are you also, for there is not one amongst you who has not offered to sell his comrade to me, in the hopes of thereby obtaining an impunity which I would not grant you; I rendered you to justice because you were culpable. I have not spared you I know; what motives have I for doing so? Is there any one here whom I ever knew when a freeman who can reproach me with ever having been his accomplice? Besides, even if I have been a thief, tell me what does it prove but that I am more skilful or fortunate than you, since I have not been caught in the fact. I defy the most malicious to show a tittle of evidence to prove that I have been accused of robbery or swindling. It is useless to seek for twelve o'clock at three in the morning; oppose me by a single fact, one solitary truth, and I will confess myself the greatest rogue amongst you all. Is it the profession that you disapprove? let those who blame me most for this tell me frankly, whether they do not a hundred times a day desire to be in my place?"
This harangue, during which no one interrupted me, was followed by hooting and shouting. Soon afterwards vociferations and roarings began again, but I felt no sensation but that of indignation, and, transported with anger, I became bold even beyond my strength. They announced that the convicts were about to be led into the court of fetters; I went to post myself in the passage, at the moment when they came to the call; and, determined on selling my life dearly, I awaited until they should try to accomplish their threats. I confess that, in my mind, I desired much that one of them should attempt to lay hands upon me, so greatly did ​the desire of vengeance animate me. Ill fated was the man who would have dared to assail me! but not one of these wretches made the least attempt, and I had only to endure the scowling look, to which I responded with that assurance which always disconcerts the enemy. The call terminated, a low murmur was the prelude to a fresh uproar: they vomited forth imprecations against me; "Let him come on then, he remains at the gate," the convicts bellowed forth, adding to my name the grossest epithets. Driven to extremity by this insolent defiance, I entered with one of my agents, and went into the midst of two hundred robbers, the majority of whom were arrested by me: "Come on, my friends! courage," cried they in the cells in which they were shut up, "look at the pig, kill him, and let us hear no more about him."
Now or never was the the time;—"Now, gentlemen," said I to the galley slaves, "kill him, you see that they advise you well; try." I do not know what revolution of opinion actuated them, but the more I was in their power, the more they became appeased. At the termination of the fettering, those men, who had sworn to exterminate me, were so much softened that many of them begged me to render them slight services. They had no reason to repent of having taxed my kindness, and the next day, at the hour of departure, after having thanked me, they bade me a cordial farewell. All was changed from black to white; the most mutinous of the previous evening had become supple, respectful at least in appearance, and almost overpoweringly so.
This was an experimental lesson of which I never lost the remembrance. It proved to me that, with persons of this stamp, we can only be potent when resolute: to keep them respectful, it is enough to have awed them once. From this period, I never allowed the chain to quit unless I attended the fettering of the convicts, and, with very few exceptions, I was never afterwards insulted. The convicts were accustomed to ​see me; if I did not go, it seemed as if they missed something, and in fact, nearly all of them had some commission to give me. From the moment they fell under the control of civil death, I was, in a measure, their testamentary executor. With a small portion resentments were not obliterated, but a thief's vengeance is not lasting. For eighteen years that I have carried on the war with thieves, little or great, I have often been menaced; many galley slaves, celebrated for their intrepidity, have made oaths to assassinate me as soon as they should be at liberty;—they have all perjured themselves, and will continue to do so. Am I asked why? It is, that, at first, the only affair for a robber is to rob: that alone occupies him. If he cannot do otherwise, he will kill me to get my purse, that is his "vocation;"—he will kill me to do away with a testimony which would destroy him, this is again a part of his business;—he will kill me to avoid punishment;—but when the punishment is inflicted, what purpose would it answer? Robbers do not lose time in assassination.