# Twelve O'Clock

From Pall Mall Magazine, vol. 19, pp. 462-468, 1899.

## I

"Where were you at twelve o'clock, noon, on the 9th of June, 1875?" -- Question on intelligent cross-examination.
"EXCUSE me," said Ben Roddle with graphic gestures to a group of citizens in Nantucket's store. "Excuse me. When them fellers in leather pants an' six-shooters ride in, I go home an' set in th' cellar. That's what I do. When you see me pirooting through the streets at th' same time an' occasion as them punchers, you kin put me down fer bein' crazy. Excuse me."
"Why, Ben," drawled old Nantucket, "you ain't never really seen 'em turned loose. Why, I kin remember -- in th' old days -- when -- "
"Oh, damn yer old days!" retorted Roddle. Fixing Nantucket with the eye of scorn and contempt, he said: "I suppose you'll be sayin' in a minute that in th' old days you used to kill Injuns, won't you?"
There was some laughter, and Roddle was left free to expand his ideas on the periodic visits of cowboys to the town. "Mason Rickets, he had ten big punkins a-sittin' in front of his store, an' them fellers from the Upside-down-F ranch shot 'em up -- shot 'em all up -- an' Rickets lyin' on his belly in th' store a-callin' fer 'em to quit it. An' what did they do! Why, they laughed at 'im! -- just laughed at 'im! That don't do a town no good. Now, how would an eastern capiterlist" -- (it was the town's humour to be always gassing of phantom investors who were likely to come any moment and pay a thousand prices for everything) -- "how would an eastern capiterlist like that? Why, you couldn't see 'im fer th' dust on his trail. Then he'd tell all his friends that 'their town may be all right, but ther's too much loose-handed shootin' fer my money.' An' he'd be right, too. Them rich fellers, they don't make no bad breaks with their money. They watch it all th' time b'cause they know blame well there ain't hardly room fer their feet fer th' pikers an' tin-horns an' thimble-riggers what are layin' fer 'em. I tell you, one puncher racin' his cow-pony hell-bent-fer-election down Main Street an' yellin' an' shootin' an' nothin' at all done about it, would scare away a whole herd of capiterlists. An' it ain't right. It oughter be stopped."
A pessimistic voice asked: "How you goin' to stop it, Ben?"
"Organise," replied Roddle pompously. "Organise: that's the only way to make these fellers lay down. I -- "
From the street sounded a quick scudding of pony hoofs, and a party of cowboys swept past the door. One man, however, was seen to draw rein and dismount. He came clanking into the store. "Mornin', gentlemen," he said, civilly.
"Mornin'," they answered in subdued voices.
He stepped to the counter and said, "Give me a paper of fine cut, please." The group of citizens contemplated him in silence. He certainly did not look threatening. He appeared to be a young man of twenty-five years, with a tan from wind and sun, with a remarkably clear eye from perhaps a period of enforced temperance, a quiet young man who wanted to buy some tobacco. A six-shooter swung low on his hip, but at the moment it looked more decorative than warlike; it seemed merely a part of his odd gala dress -- his sombrero with its band of rattlesnake skin, his great flaming neckerchief, his belt of embroidered Mexican leather, his high-heeled boots, his huge spurs. And, above all, his hair had been watered and brushed until it lay as close to his head as the fur lays to a wet cat. Paying for his tobacco, he withdrew.
Ben Roddle resumed his harangue. "Well, there you are! Looks like a calm man now, but in less'n half an hour he'll be as drunk as three bucks an' a squaw, an' then . . . . excuse me!"

## II

ON this day the men of two outfits had come into town, but Ben Roddle's ominous words were not justified at once. The punchers spent most of the morning in an attack on whiskey which was too earnest to be noisy.
At five minutes of eleven, a tall, lank, brick-coloured cowboy strode over to Placer's Hotel. Placer's Hotel was a notable place. It was the best hotel within two hundred miles. Its office was filled with arm-chairs and brown papier-maché receptacles. At one end of the room was a wooden counter painted a bright pink, and on this morning a man was behind the counter writing in a ledger. He was the proprietor of the hotel, but his customary humour was so sullen that all strangers immediately wondered why in life he had chosen to play the part of mine host. Near his left hand, double doors opened into the dining-room, which in warm weather was always kept darkened in order to discourage the flies, which was not compassed at all.
Placer, writing in his ledger, did not look up when the tall cowboy entered.
"Mornin', mister," said the latter. "I've come to see if you kin grub-stake th' hull crowd of us fer dinner t'day."
Placer did not then raise his eyes, but with a certain churlishness, as if it annoyed him that his hotel was patronised, he asked: "How many?"
"Oh, about thirty," replied the cowboy. "An' we want th' best dinner you kin raise an' scrape. Everything th' best. We don't care what it costs s'long as we git a good square meal. We'll pay a dollar a head: by God, we will! We won't kick on nothin' in the bill if you do it up fine. If you ain't got it in th' house russle th' hull town fer it. That's our gait. So you just tear loose, an' we'll -- "
At this moment the machinery of a cuckoo-clock on the wall began to whirr, little doors flew open and a wooden bird appeared and cried, "Cuckoo!" And this was repeated until eleven o'clock had been announced, while the cowboy, stupefied, glassy-eyed, stood with his red throat gulping. At the end he wheeled upon Placer and demanded: "What in hell is that?"
Placer revealed by his manner that he had been asked this question too many times. "It's a clock," he answered shortly.
"I know it's a clock," gasped the cowboy; "but what kind of a clock?"
"A cuckoo-clock. Can't you see?"
The cowboy, recovering his self-possession by a violent effort, suddenly went shouting into the street. "Boys! Say, boys! Come' 'ere a minute!"
His comrades, comfortably inhabiting a near-by saloon, heard his stentorian calls, but they merely said to one another: "What's th' matter with Jake? -- he's off his nut again."
But Jake burst in upon them with violence. "Boys," he yelled, "come over to th' hotel! They got a clock with a bird inside it, an' when it's eleven o'clock or anything like that, th' bird comes out an' says, 'toot-toot, toot-toot!' that way, as many times as whatever time of day it is. It's immense! Come on over!"
The roars of laughter which greeted his proclamation were of two qualities; some men laughing because they knew all about cuckoo-clocks, and other men laughing because they had concluded that the eccentric Jake had been victimised by some wise child of civilisation.
Old Man Crumford, a venerable ruffian who probably had been born in a corral, was particularly offensive with his loud guffaws of contempt. "Bird a-comin' out of a clock an' a-tellin' ye th' time! Haw-haw-haw!" He swallowed his whiskey. "A bird! a-tellin' ye th' time! Haw-haw! Jake, you ben up agin some new drink. You ben drinkin' lonely an' got up agin some snake-medicine licker. A bird a-tellin' ye th' time! Haw-haw!"
The shrill voice of one of the younger cowboys piped from the background. "Brace up, Jake. Don't let 'em laugh at ye. Bring 'em that salt cod-fish of yourn what kin pick out th' ace."
"Oh, he's only kiddin' us. Don't pay no 'tention to 'im. He thinks he's smart."
A cowboy whose mother had a cuckoo-clock in her house in Philadelphia spoke with solemnity. "Jake's a liar. There's no such clock in the world. What? a bird inside a clock to tell the time? Change your drink, Jake."
Jake was furious, but his fury took a very icy form. He bent a withering glance upon the last speaker. "I don't mean a live bird," he said, with terrible dignity. "It's a wooden bird, an' -- "
"A wooden bird!" shouted Old Man Crumford. "Wooden bird a-tellin' ye th' time! Haw-haw!"
But Jake still paid his frigid attention to the Philadelphian. "An' if yer sober enough to walk, it ain't such a blame long ways from here to th' hotel, an' I'll bet my pile agin yours if you only got two bits."
"I don't want your money, Jake," said the Philadelphian. "Somebody's been stringin' you -- that's all. I wouldn't take your money." He cleverly appeared to pity the other's innocence.
"You couldn't git my money," cried Jake, in sudden hot anger. "You couldn't git it. Now -- since yer so fresh -- let's see how much you got." He clattered some large gold pieces noisily upon the bar.
The Philadelphian shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Jake was triumphant. "Any more bluffers 'round here?" he demanded. "Any more? Any more bluffers? Where's all these here hot sports? Let 'em step up. Here's my money -- come an' git it."
But they had ended by being afraid. To some of them his tale was absurd, but still one must be circumspect when a man throws forty-five dollars in gold upon the bar and bids the world come and win it. The general feeling was expressed by Old Man Crumford, when with deference he asked: "Well, this here bird, Jake -- what kinder lookin' bird is it?"
"It's a little brown thing," said Jake briefly. Apparently he almost disdained to answer.
"Well -- how does it work?" asked the old man meekly.
"Why in blazes don't you go an' look at it?" yelled Jake. "Want me to paint it in iles fer you? Go an' look!"

## III

PLACER was writing in his ledger. He heard a great trample of feet and clink of spurs on the porch, and there entered quietly the band of cowboys, some of them swaying a trifle, and these last being the most painfully decorous of all. Jake was in advance. He waved his hand toward the clock. "There she is," he said laconically. The cowboys drew up and stared. There was some giggling, but a serious voice said half-audibly, "I don't see no bird."
Jake politely addressed the landlord. "Mister, I've fetched these here friends of mine in here to see yer clock -- "
Placer looked up suddenly. "Well, they can see it, can't they?" he asked in sarcasm. Jake, abashed, retreated to his fellows.
There was a period of silence. From time to time the men shifted their feet. Finally, Old Man Crumford leaned towards Jake, and in a penetrating whisper demanded, "Where's th' bird?" Some frolicsome spirits on the outskirts began to call "Bird! Bird!" as men at a political meeting call for a particular speaker.
Jake removed his big hat and nervously mopped his brow.
The young cowboy with the shrill voice again spoke from the skirts of the crowd. "Jake, is ther' sure-'nough a bird in that thing?"
"Yes. Didn't I tell you once?"
"Then," said the shrill-voiced man, in a tone of conviction, "it ain't a clock at all. It's a bird-cage."
"I tell you it's a clock," cried the maddened Jake, but his retort could hardly be heard above the howls of glee and derision which greeted the words of him of the shrill voice.
Old Man Crumford was again rampant. "Wooden bird a-tellin' ye th' time! Haw-haw!"
Amid the confusion Jake went again to Placer. He spoke almost in supplication. "Say, mister, what time does this here thing go off again?"
Placer lifted his head, looked at the clock, and said: "Noon."
There was a stir near the door, and Big Watson of the Square-X outfit, and at this time very drunk indeed, came shouldering his way through the crowd and cursing everybody. The men gave him much room, for he was notorious as a quarrelsome person when drunk. He paused in front of Jake, and spoke as through a wet blanket. "What's all this -- monkeyin' about?"
Jake was already wild at being made a butt for everybody, and he did not give backward. "None a' your dam business, Watson."
"Huh?" growled Watson, with the surprise of a challenged bull.
"I said," repeated Jake distinctly, "it's none a' your dam business."
Watson whipped his revolver half out of its holster. "I'll make it m' business, then, you -- "
But Jake had backed a step away, and was holding his left-hand palm outward toward Watson, while in his right he held his six-shooter, its muzzle pointing at the floor. He was shouting in a frenzy, -- "No -- don't you try it, Watson! Don't you dare try it, or, by Gawd, I'll kill you, sure -- sure!"
He was aware of a torment of cries about him from fearful men; from men who protested, from men who cried out because they cried out. But he kept his eyes on Watson, and those two glared murder at each other, neither seeming to breathe, fixed like statues.
A loud new voice suddenly rang out: "Hol' on a minute!" All spectators who had not stampeded turned quickly, and saw Placer standing behind his bright pink counter, with an aimed revolver in each hand.
"Cheese it!" he said. "I won't have no fightin' here. If you want to fight, git out in the street."
Big Watson laughed, and, speeding up his six-shooter like a flash of blue light, he shot Placer through the throat -- shot the man as he stood behind his absurd pink counter with his two aimed revolvers in his incompetent hands. With a yell of rage and despair, Jake smote Watson on the pate with his heavy weapon, and knocked him sprawling and bloody. Somewhere a woman shrieked like windy, midnight death. Placer fell behind the counter, and down upon him came his ledger and his inkstand, so that one could not have told blood from ink.
The cowboys did not seem to hear, see, or feel, until they saw numbers of citizens with Winchesters running wildly upon them. Old Man Crumford threw high a passionate hand. "Don't shoot! We'll not fight ye for 'im."
Nevertheless two or three shots rang, and a cowboy who had been about to gallop off suddenly slumped over on his pony's neck, where he held for a moment like an old sack, and then slid to the ground, while his pony, with flapping rein, fled to the prairie.
"In God's name, don't shoot!" trumpeted Old Man Crumford. "We'll not fight ye fer 'im!"
"It's murder," bawled Ben Roddle.
In the chaotic street it seemed for a moment as if everybody would kill everybody. "Where's the man what done it?" These hot cries seemed to declare a war which would result in an absolute annihilation of one side. But the cowboys were singing out against it. They would fight for nothing -- yes -- they often fought for nothing -- but they would not fight for this dark something.
At last, when a flimsy truce had been made between the inflamed men, all parties went to the hotel. Placer, in some dying whim, had made his way out from behind the pink counter, and, leaving a horrible trail, had travelled to the centre of the room, where he had pitched headlong over the body of Big Watson.
The men lifted the corpse and laid it at the side.
"Who done it?" asked a white, stern man.
A cowboy pointed at Big Watson. "That's him," he said huskily.
There was a curious grim silence, and then suddenly, in the death-chamber, there sounded the loud whirring of the clock's works, little doors flew open, a tiny wooden bird appeared and cried "Cuckoo" -- twelve times.
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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