OpenLLM-France/wikimedia huggingface dataset:
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 14

CHAP. XIV.
As I never had any intention of beginning the Digression, I am making all this preparation for, till I come to the 15th chapter—I have this chapter to put to whatever use I think proper—I have twenty this moment ready for it—I could write my chapter of Button-holes in it———
Or my chapter of Pishes, which should follow them———
Or my chapter of Knots, in case their reverences have done with them—they might lead me into mischief: the safest way is to follow the tract of the ​learned, and raise objections against what I have been writing, tho' I declare beforehand, I know no more than my heels how to answer them.
And first, it may be said, there is a pelting kind of thersitical satire, as black as the very ink 'tis wrote with—(and by the bye, whoever says so, is indebted to the muster-master general of the Grecian army, for suffering the name of so ugly and foul-mouth'd a man as Thersites to continue upon his roll—for it has furnished him with an epithet)—in these productions he will urge, all the personal washings and scrubbings upon earth do a sinking genius no sort of good—but just the contrary, inas​as the dirtier the fellow is, the better generally he succeeds in it.
To this, I have no other answer———at least ready———but that the Archbishop of Benevento wrote his nasty Romance of the Galatea, as all the world knows, in a purple coat, waistcoat, and purple pair of breeches; and that the penance set him of writing a commentary upon the book of the Revelations, as severe as it was look'd upon by one part of the world, was far from being deem'd so, by the other, upon the single account of that Investment.
Another objection, to all this remedy, is its want of universality; forasmuch as the shaving part of it, upon which so ​much stress is laid, by an unalterable law of nature excludes one half of the species entirely from its use: all I can say is, that female writers, whether of England, or of France, must e'en go without it———
As for the Spanish ladies———I am in no sort of distress———
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 13

CHAP. XIII.
Now in ordinary cases, that is, when I am only stupid, and the thoughts rise heavily and pass gummous through my pen———
Or that I am got, I know not how, into a cold unmetaphorical vein of infamous writing, and cannot take a plumb-lift out of it for my soul; so must be obliged to go on writing like a Dutch commentator to the end of the chapter, unless something be done———
———I never stand confering with pen and ink one moment; for if a pinch of snuff or a stride or two across the room will not do the business for me—I take a razor at once; and having tried the edge ​of it upon the palm of my hand, without further ceremony, except that of first lathering my beard, I shave it off; taking care only if I do leave a hair, that it be not a grey one: this done, I change my shirt—put on a better coat—send for my last wig—put my topaz ring upon my finger; and in a word, dress myself from one end to the other of me, after my best fashion.
Now the devil in hell must be in it, if this does not do: for consider, Sir, as every man chuses to be present at the shaving of his own beard (though there is no rule without an exception) and unavoidably sits overagainst himself the whole time it is doing, in case he has a hand in it—the Situation, like all others, ​has notions of her own to put into the brain.———
—I maintain it, the conceits of a rough-bearded man, are seven years more terse and juvenile for one single operation; and if they did not run a risk of being quite shaved away, might be carried up by continual shavings, to the highest pitch of sublimity—How Homer could write with so long a beard, I don't know—and as it makes against my hypothesis, I as little care—But let us return to the Toilet.
Ludovicus Sorbonensis makes this entirely an affair of the body (ϵξωτϵϱιϰη πϱαξις) as he calls it—but he is deceived: the soul and body are joint-​sharers in every thing they get: A man cannot dress, but his ideas get cloath'd at the same time; and if he dresses like a gentleman, every one of them stands presented to his imagination, genteelized along with him—so that he has nothing to do, but take his pen, and write like himself.
For this cause, when your honours and reverences would know whether I writ clean and fit to be read, you will be able to judge full as well by looking into my Laundress's bill, as my book: there was one single month in which I can make it appear, that I dirtied one and thirty shirts with clean writing; and after all, was more abus'd, curs'd, criticis'd and confounded, and had more ​mystic heads shaken at me, for what I had wrote in that one month, than in all the other months of that year put together.
———But their honours and reverences had not seen my bills.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 16

CHAP. XVI.
When my uncle Toby and the Corporal had marched down to the bottom of the avenue, they recollected their business lay the other way; so they faced about and marched up streight to Mrs. Wadman's door.
I warrant your honour; said the Corporal, touching his Montero-cap with his hand, as he passed him in order to give a knock at the door—My uncle Toby, contrary to his invariable way of treating his faithful servant, said nothing good or bad: the truth was, he had not altogether marshal'd his ideas; he wish'd for another conference, and as the Cor​poral was mounting up the three steps before the door—he hem'd twice—a portion of my uncle Toby's most modest spirits fled, at each expulsion, towards the Corporal; he stood with the rapper of the door suspended for a full minute in his hand, he scarce knew why. Bridget stood perdue within, with her finger and her thumb upon the latch, benumb'd with expectation; and Mrs. Wadman, with an eye ready to be de-flowered again, sat breathless behind the window-curtain of her bed-chamber, watching their approach.
Trim! said my uncle Toby———but as he articulated the word, the minute expired, and Trim let fall the rapper.
​My uncle Toby perceiving that all hopes of a conference were knock'd on the head by it———whistled Lillabullero.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 17

CHAP. XVII.
As Mrs. Bridget's finger and thumb were upon the latch, the Corporal did not knock as oft as perchance your honour's taylor———I might have taken my example something nearer home; for I owe mine, some five and twenty pounds at least, and wonder at the man's patience———
———But this is nothing at all to the world: only 'tis a cursed thing to be in debt; and there seems to be a fatality in the exchequers of some poor princes, particularly those of our house, which no Economy can bind down in irons: for my own part, I'm persuaded there is ​not any one prince, prelate, pope, or potentate, great or small upon earth, more desirous in his heart of keeping streight with the world than I am—or who takes more likely means for it. I never give about half a guinea—or walk with boots—or cheapen tooth-picks—or lay out a shilling upon a bandbox the year round; and for the six months I'm in the country, I'm upon so small a scale, that with all the good temper in the world, I out-do Rousseau, a bar length———for I keep neither man or boy, or horse, or cow, or dog, or cat, or any thing that can eat or drink, except a thin poor piece of a Vestal (to keep my sire in) and who has generally as bad an appetite as myself———but if you think this makes ​a philosopher of me———I would not, my good people! give a rush for your judgments.
True philosophy———but there is no treating the subject whilst my uncle is whistling Lillabullero.
———Let us go into the house.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 18

CHAP. XVIII.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 19

CHAP. XIX.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 12

CHAP. XII.
Upon looking back from the end of the last chapter and surveying the texture of what has been wrote, it is necessary, that upon this page and the five following, a good quantity of heterogeneous matter be inserted, to keep up that just balance betwixt wisdom and folly, without which a book would not hold together a single year: nor is it a poor creeping digression (which but for the name of, a man might continue as well going on in the king's highway) which will do the business———no; if it is to be a digression, it must be a good frisky one, and upon a frisky subject too, where neither the horse or his rider are to be caught, but by rebound.
​The only difficulty, is raising powers suitable to the nature of the service: Fancy is capricious—Wit must not be searched for—and Pleasantry (good-natured slut as she is) will not come in at a call, was an empire to be laid at her feet.
———The best way for a man, is to say his prayers———
Only if it puts him in mind of his infirmities and defects as well ghostly as bodily—for that purpose, he will find himself rather worse after he has said them than before—for other purposes, better.
For my own part there is not a way either moral or mechanical under heaven ​that I could think of, which I have not taken with myself in this case: sometimes by addressing myself directly to the soul herself, and arguing the point over and over again with her upon the extent of her own faculties———
———I never could make them an inch the wider———
Then by changing my system, and trying what could be made of it upon the body, by temperance, soberness and chastity: These are good, quoth I, in themselves—they are good, absolutely;—they are good, relatively;—they are good for health—they are good for happiness in this world—they are good for happiness in the next———
​In short, they were good for every thing but the thing wanted; and there they were good for nothing, but to leave the soul just as heaven made it: as for the theological virtues of faith and hope, they give it courage; but then that sniveling virtue of Meekness (as my father would always call it) takes it quite away again, so you are exactly where you started.
Now in all common and ordinary cases, there is nothing which I have found to answer so well as this———
———Certainly, if there is any dependence upon Logic, and that I am not blinded by self-love, there must be something of true genius about me, merely upon this symptom of it, that I do not know what envy is: for never do ​I hit upon any invention or device which tendeth to the furtherance of good writing, but I instantly make it public; willing that all mankind should write as well as myself.
—Which they certainly will, when they think as little.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 2

CHAP. II.
Though the Corporal had been as good as his word in putting my uncle Toby's great ramallie-wig into pipes, yet the time was too short to produce any great effects from it: it had lain many years squeezed up in the corner of his old campaign trunk; and as bad forms are not so easy to be got the better of, and the use of candle-ends not so well understood, it was not so pliable a business as one would have wished. The Corporal with cheary eye and both arms extended, had fallen back perpendicular from it a score times, to inspire it, if possible, with a better air———had spleen given a look at it, ​'twould have cost her ladyship a smile—it curl'd every where but where the Corporal would have it; and where a buckle or two, in his opinion, would have done it honour, he could as soon have raised the dead.
Such it was———or rather such would it have seem'd upon any other brow; but the sweet look of goodness which sat upon my uncle Toby's, assimulated every thing around it so sovereignly to itself, and Nature had moreover wrote Gentleman with so fair a hand in every line of his countenance, that even his tarnish'd gold-laced hat and huge cockade of flimsy taffeta became him; and though not worth a button in themselves, yet the moment my uncle Toby put them on, they became serious objects, ​and altogether seem'd to have been picked up by the hand of Science to set him off to advantage.
Nothing in this world could have co-operated more powerfully towards this, than my uncle Toby's blue and gold—had not Quantity in some measure been necessary to Grace: in a period of fifteen or sixteen years since they had been made, by a total inactivity in my uncle Toby's life, for he seldom went further than the bowling-green—his blue and gold had become so miserably too strait for him, that it was with the utmost difficulty the Corporal was able to get him into them: the taking them up at the sleeves, was of no advantage.—They were laced however down the back, and at the seams of the sides, &c. in the mode of King ​William's reign; and to shorten all description, they shone so bright against the sun that morning, and had so metallick, and doughty an air with them, that had my uncle Toby thought of attacking in armour, nothing could have so well imposed upon his imagination.
As for the thin scarlet breeches, they had been unripp'd by the taylor between the legs, and left at sixes and sevens———
—Yes, Madam,—but let us govern our fancies. It is enough they were held impracticable the night before, and as there was no alternative in my uncle Toby's wardrobe, he sallied forth in the red plush.
The Corporal had array'd himself in poor Le Fevre's regimental coat; and ​with his hair tuck'd up under his Montero cap, which he had furbish'd up for the occasion, march'd three paces distant from his master: a whiff of military pride had puff'd out his shirt at the wrist; and upon that in a black leather thong clipp'd into a tassel beyond the knot, hung the Corporal's stick—My uncle Toby carried his cane like a pike.
—It looks well at least; quoth my father to himself.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 15

CHAP. XV.
The fifteenth chapter is come at last; and brings nothing with it but a sad signature of "How our pleasures slip from under us in this world;"
For in talking of my digression———I declare before heaven I have made it! What a strange creature is mortal man! said she.
'Tis very true, said I—but 'twere better to get all these things out of our heads, and return to my uncle Toby.
# The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman/Volume 9/Chapter 20

CHAP. XX.
—You shall see the very place, Madam; said my uncle Toby.
Mrs. Wadman blush'd—look'd towards the door—turn'd pale—blush'd slightly again—recovered her natural colour—blush'd worse than ever; which for the sake of the unlearned reader, I translate thus—
"L—d! I cannot look at it——— What would the world say if I look'd at it? I should drop down, if I look'd at it— I wish I could look at it——— There can be no sin in looking at it. ———I will look at it."
Whilst all this was running through Mrs. Wadman's imagination, my uncle Toby had risen from the sopha, and got to the other side of the parlour-door, to give Trim an order about it in the passage———
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *———I believe it is in the garret, said my uncle Toby—I saw it there, an' please your honour, this morning, answered Trim—Then prithee, ​step directly for it, Trim, said my uncle Toby, and bring it into the parlour.
The Corporal did not approve of the orders, but most chearfully obey'd them. The first was not an act of his will—the second was; so he put on his Montero cap, and went as fast as his lame knee would let him. My uncle Toby returned into the parlour, and sat himself down again upon the sopha.
———You shall lay your finger upon the place—said my uncle Toby.———I will not touch it, however, quoth Mrs. Wadman to herself.
This requires a second translation:—it shews what little knowledge is got by mere words—we must go up to the first springs.
​Now in order to clear up the mist which hangs upon these pages, I must endeavour to be as clear as possible myself.
Rub your hands thrice across your forehead—blow your noses—cleanse your emunctories—sneeze, my good people!———God bless you———
Now give me all the help you can.
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14
PURITY OF CONDUCT.
131. The man whose conduct is pure is honoured by all : purity of conduct is therefore to be prized even above life.
132. Watch anxiously over thy conduct: for wheresoever thou mayest search thou canst not find a firmer ally than right conduct.
133. Good conduct bespeaketh an honourable family : but low conduct placeth a man amongst the ignoble.
134. Even the Vêdas if forgotten can be learned again : but once fallen from virtuous conduct the Brâhman is fallen from his place for ever.
135. Prosperity is not for the envious : even so dignity is not for men of ill conduct.
​136. The firm-minded swerve not from virtuous conduct : for they know the evils brought on by such swerving.
137. The man of right conduct is honoured among men: but ignominy alone is the portion of those who fall therefrom.
138. Good conduct soweth the seed of prosperity : but an evil course is the mother of endless ills.
139. Foul words can never fall from the lips of the well-bred even when off their guard.
140. Fools may be as instructed as thou pleasest : but they never learn to conform to the ways of the Righteous.
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20
REFRAINING FROM VAIN SPEAKING
191. Behold the man that angereth the public by the speaking of vain words: he will be despised of all men.
192. Worse even than injuring one's friends is the speaking of vain words before many.
193. He that multiplieth empty words declareth loud his want of worth.
194. Behold the man that speaketh vain words in an assembly: no profit will come unto him and all that is good will flee from his side.
195. Even the worthy will lose honour and respect if they indulge in vain speaking.
​196. Call not him man who loveth idle words: call him rather a chaff among men.
197. Let the wise, if they deem it meet, speak even hard words : but it is good for them to desist from profitless speech.
198. The wise whose thoughts are set on great questions utter not words that are profitless and vain.
199. They whose eyes are whole say not vain words even by oversight.
200. Speak thou the speech that bringeth forth profit : but speak not ever words that are profitless and vain.
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 132

CHAPTER 132
THE FINESSES OF BOUDERIE
SHE
1311. All that are women devour thee with their eyes, thou gallant ! I shall have none of thy embrace.
1312. I was in the sulks : he then sneezed, for he thought that I would bless him saying, Long live my beloved !
HE
1313. Even if I wear a garland she would go off in a pique saying, Thou wantest to look smart in some damsel's eyes !
1314. I said to her, I love thee above all : and behold, she frowned at once asking, Above whom ? and above whom ?
1315. I told her, We shall never part in this life : alack, her eyes at once filled with tears !
​1316. I said to her, I called thee to mind when away : and she that was about to clasp me to her arms went off in a pet saying, Thou hadst forgotten me then !
1317. I sneezed and she blessed : but then she recalled her blessing and asked with tear-filled eyes, Who thought on thee now, that thou sneezedest ?
1318. I repressed my sneeze: and then aiso she wept saying, Thou wantest to conceal from me that some of thy friends are thinking on thee !
1319. Even if I exhaust all my arts to soothe her, she will only frown harder saying, Thou hast practised well at others' bouderies!
1320. Even if I look in rapture on her own charms, she will chide saying, To whose limbs now art thou comparing mine ?
* ↑ For she thought that he contemplated the possibility of parting in the next life.
* ↑ See footnote to verse 1203.
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 133

CHAPTER 133
THE CHARM OF BOUDERIE
SHE
1321. Even if he is free from faults, it is only bouderie that giveth me a taste of his conciliatory grace.
1322. Though the tenderness of the beloved hath to wait a little, there is a charm in the pinprick that we feel in being pettish.
1323. Is there a higher heaven than bouderie, provided that the beloved is one with us, even as the water with the land whereon it floweth ?
1324. In my very quarrel with my beloved lieth the engine that stormeth the defences of my heart.
HE
1325. Even when one is free from faults there is a delight when the arms of the beloved are withdrawn from one's clasp.
​1326. Sweeter is digestion than the meal: even so is the lovers' quarrel sweeter than the embrace.
1327. It is the one who yieldeth first who is the winner in lovers' quarrels : thou canst see it indeed at the hour of reconciliation.
1327. Verily, will she give some piquancy to the delights of our embrace by just feigning a quarrel for some time ?
1329. Oh, let me enjoy her frowning and her pouting a little more ! Only let night prolong her reign at my prayer.
1330. Bouderie is the charm of love : and the charm of that again is the sweet embrace at its close.
HERE ENDETH SECTION ii OF PART III
ENTITLED CHASTITY
HERE ALSO ENDETH PART III
ENTITLED LOVE
HERE ENDETH THE KURAL
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19
REFERAINING FROM SLANDER
181. Behold the man who doeth iniquity and who speaketh not so much as the name of righteousness : it is sweet even unto him if men say, Lo, here is one who backbiteth not.
182. It is wrong to turn away from good and do evil: but it is far worse to smile before and vilify behind.
183. It is worthier to die at once than live by lying and slander: for such a death bringeth with it the fruits of righteousness.
184. Slander not a man behind his back even though he hath insulted thee to thy very face.
185. The lips may speak righteousness : but a slanderous tongue betrayeth the meanness of the heart.
​186. If thou slander another, he will look into thy own transgressions and expose the worst of them.
187. They that know not to speak sweet and to make friendships create discord and separate men who were friends.
188. Those that speak abroad the transgressions of their friends, how will they spare the transgressions of their enemies ?
189. How doth the Earth suffer patiently the tread of the calumniator on her bosom? Is it that she looketh unto Righteousness to rid her of him?
190. If a man can scan his own faults as he doth those of his enemies, can evil ever come to him?
# The Kural or the Maxims of Tiruvalluvar/Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15
NON-DESIRING OF ANOTHER MAN'S WIFE
141. Behold the men whose eyes are turned towards righteousness and towards wealth: they commit not the folly of desiring another man's wife.
142. Among those that have fallen from virtue there is no greater fool than he that standeth at his neighbour's threshold.
143. Verily they are in the jaws of death who invade the home of an unsuspecting friend.
144. Let a man be ever so great : what availeth it all if he committeth adultery without thinking ever so little of the shame that floweth therefrom?
145. Behold the man who hangeth on to his neighbour's wife because she is accessible: his name is sullied for ever.
​146. The adulterer knoweth no respite from four things, hatred, sin, fear, and shame.
147. He is the righteous householder who careth not for the charms of his neighbour's wife.
148. Behold the high-souled man that looketh not on another's wife: he is more than righteous : he is saintly.
149. Who on earth deserve all the good things of the world ? It is they who clasp not the arms of her who belongeth to another.
150. Though thou shouldst transgress and yield to every other sin, it were well for thee if thou desire not thy neighbour's wife.