# Diary of the times of Charles II/Volume 1/The Countess of Sunderland to Mr. Sidney, August 13

THE COUNTESS OF SUNDERLAND TO MR. SIDNEY.
August 15.
I received yours of the 5-15 last night, just as I came to Windsor, and upon my word I was gladder of it than I have been of any thing a great while; the marks of your friendship being more precious to me than you can imagine. I have not writ to you since your going because I was at Althorpe, from whence I could say nothing but what you must be sure of without repetition, my being most unalterably your friend, absent and present, to the last of my life, and, if you need a letter to confirm your ​assurance, let me tell you, you are not worthy of it, but I hope better from you.
My Lord and I, whenever we meet, bewail your absence; this very day he said he was not able to bear your being away longer than October, and I thought that too long for more reasons than one; for, besides the friendship I have for you, indeed you are wanted for advice. I have somewhat on my spirits, that I must of necessity communicate to you, but 'tis a secret of such vast consequence, that I am ruined if it be known to any body living. Therefore I dare not venture it but by an express, and then in cipher. I will get my Lord's to copy, but he must not know the secret less than any body else, but it imports you and him and all of us. It has given me the spleen more than I ever had it in my life. Pray, when you know it, let it die with you, and resolve to follow my advice in the assisting me, for you are equally concerned.
For God's sake, burn my letters! I am fancying I am talking to you, and the trust I put in you leads me into a disclosing my thoughts beyond what is fit for a post. If you know of any express, be ​pleased to let me have notice; the business will yet stay a fortnight, but, between this and that, if there happen to be none, I'll send on purpose, but let not my Lord, I conjure you, know of this, though he is chiefly concerned, his good and welfare being the most precious worldly thing I have, and 'tis allowable to cozen one's friends, when 'tis plainly for their good, and I think it will not deserve so ill a name as cozening, though I give it that which, generally speaking, is a word which ought not to be allowed among true friends.
I have been so little a time here that I know nothing, and really my head and heart are so full of this, I can think of nothing else.
I am sincerely yours.
I am much better in health than I was, which you told me you would be glad to know. The King and Queen, who is now a mistress, the passion her spouse has for her is so great, go both to Newmarket the 18th of September, together with the whole court.
I am glad with all my soul for the good reception you say your letters and what they contained received at the Hague. For God's sake, cherish that plant, which is the only prop we have left to ​support our tottering house, which, without great industry, will be undermined; but this is between you and I only. Remember the fright we were all in a little before you left England; 'tis that I am to write to you about. So ease my troubled mind, for I smell a rat.
Mr. Gilbert Spencer is in hopes you may be chose; you see how hard it is to leave off when one is writing to one who is trusted as you are, and with so good reason.