# Memoirs of James Hardy Vaux/Volume 1/Chapter 3

CHAPTER III.
I WAS, now turned of fourteen; my health and constitution good, my spirits elevated, and I felt all those pleasing sensations, which naturally arise in a youthful mind, happy in conscious innocence, and flattered by the prospect of rising to honourable independence. The gaiety and bustle of this beautiful and improving borough at once charmed and amused me; I spent a week in viewing the public buildings, the environs, &c.; but above all, my admiration was excited by the numerous and capacious docks, by which ships of large burden are admitted, as it were, into the heart of the town, and discharge their rich and varied cargoes with surprising facility, which are deposited in spacious warehouses, of amazing extent, and from twelve ​to fourteen stories high, with which these noble docks are nearly surrounded.
The opportunities I had, during my residence in Liverpool, of viewing the daily arrivals and sailings of merchant-ships to and from all parts of the world, particularly the Guineamen, which formed a remarkably fine class of vessels, revived the latent desire I had for a sea-faring life; and I wanted but little incitement, had the smallest opportunity offered, to take French leave of my masters, and gratify my rambling propensity. However, the bustle in which I was continually involved, and the new scones of amusement which every succeeding day presented, suppressed the inclination for a time; but that it was not totally subdued, will be seen hereafter.
The establishment and economy of our house were upon the most regular plan; the former consisted of six apprentices, (including myself,) and four assistants at very liberal stipends, besides a nephew of the elder partner who superintended the whole, and officiated in the compting-house: there were also several porters, and other subordinates, for all of whom full employment was found. Being the junior apprentice, it was my province to polish the counters, trim the lamps, carry out small parcels, and-to perform other inferior duties; when disengaged from which, I assisted in waiting on the retail customers, and making myself otherwise ​useful behind the counter. We had a plentiful table appropriated for us, to which we retired in turn during the hours of business; commodious and airy chambers; and, in short, enjoyed every comfort we could desire.
For the first month of my probation, I behaved extremely well, and by my quickness and assiduity, gained the good opinion of my employers, who wrote of me in the most favourable terms to my friends in S———shire; nor did my expenses exceed my allowance for pocket-money, which was fully adequate to every rational enjoyment.
Among my fellow apprentices, was a young man named King, some years older than myself, with whom, from a similarity of sentiments, I formed a close intimacy. He was of an excellent disposition, but a great lover of pleasure; and as his servitude was far advanced, and his prospects peculiarly flattering, he was under very little restraint, but gave the rein to his passion for dissipation. His expenses were profuse, but whether he indulged in them at the expense of his probity, I could never ascertain. He soon introduced me to several young men of his own stamp, and I became in a short time as great a rake as the best of them: nor was our conversation confined to our own sex; scarcely a night passing without our visiting one or other of those houses consecrated to the Cyprian goddess, with which the town of Liverpool abounds. ​In such a coarse of life, it is not likely that I could submit to limited hours; my companion and I seldom returned home before midnight, and sometimes not till the ensuing morning. Though we took measures to keep this from the ears of our employers, it could not fail to be known in time; and the consequence was, a strong but tender remonstrance on my impudence, which much affected me at the moment; but the impression was transitory, and soon effaced. I plunged deeper and deeper in the vortex of folly and dissipation, until I Was obliged to have recourse for advice to the Æsculapius of Gilead-house.
This irregular mode of life had borne hard on my finances, but I had not, as yet, had recourse to fraud or peculation. I was liberally supplied by my relations, on leaving S——, and had received my first quarterly allowance; but an event, which soon followed, tempted me to the first breach of confidence and integrity.
I had in my youth been passionately fond of Cocking, a sport for which the county of S—— has been always famed; and though so young, I had constantly kept several cocks at walk, unknown to my parents; so that I had acquired a considerable share of experience and knowledge on the subject. One day, when I was sent with some muslins to wait on a lady in the environs of Liverpool, near the Canal, I accidentally passed a cock-pit, where a ​great crowd was assembled; and I understood that a grand Main was about to commence. Elated at this pleasing intelligence, I hastened to execute my commission; and returning to the house, entered it, and leaving my wrapper of goods in care of the landlady, I ascended to the pit, and took my seat. The company was, as usual, of a motley description, but there were many genteel persons. I ventured a few trifling bets at first with various success; but at length an opportunity offering, which I considered as next to a certainty, I laid the odds to a large amount, flattering myself that by this stroke of judgment, I should be enabled to figure away with increased eclat among my gay companions. After I had so done, greater odds were still vociferated, but in a moment the scene was changed! the fallen cock, in the ironies of death, made a desperate effort, and rising for a moment, cut the throat of his antagonist, who was standing over him, in the act of crowing with exultation on his victory! The latter immediately fell, choked with the effusion of blood, nor did the victor survive him many moments. The whole pit resounded with acclamations, and the discord which ensued beggars description. I was not the only sufferer by this revolution of fortune; many others had laid higher odds than myself, and to a much greater amount, I was soon surrounded by my creditors, to whom I disbursed every shilling I had about me, among which were some ​pounds I had just received from the lady for goods, and for which I had given her a receipt, I was still something deficient, for which I pledged my honour to one of the parties, giving my address, and promising payment on an early day. I now returned home, filled with remorse and shame; but as the first false step of a young person insensibly leads to another, I added to my guilt by concealing the affair from my employers, and directed them to book the articles the lady had selected. I had a degree of false shame about me, which rendered me incapable of confessing the truth and promising amendment, or all might still have been well. In the evening I had recourse to the bottle to drown my chagrin; and I determined to purloin a certain sum every day, in the course of my attendance on retail customers until I had liquidated my debt of honour! Then, I vowed to stop and reform. Delusive idea! how little did I then know my own weakness, or the futility of such resolutions in a young mind! And who, that once begins a career of vice, can say to himself, "Thus far will I go, and no farther?" After I had discharged my engagement, I found a small sum must be raised for pocket-money, and other exigencies, as it would be above two months before I could expect a remittance.
I therefore continued my peculation, and at length my evil genius suggested to me, that I might, by venturing a small sum, become more fortunate at ​the cockpit, and repair the loss I had sustained; as miracles don't happen every day, and the odds must win in the long run. Thus I argued with myself; and, fatally for me, I tried the experiment.
From this moment I never missed a day's fighting at the cock-pit; and when sent on business which required my speedy return, I could not tear myself from the spot, but frequently staid out several hours, and afterwards forged a lie to account for my delay. I sometimes came off a winner, but as I was not then acquainted with the art of hedging, by which the knowing ones commonly save themselves, I was sure to be a loser at every week's end.
I managed matters so well, indeed, that my frequent secretions from the till, were not discovered, however they might be suspected. The extensive trade of the shop rendered it next to impossible; and what I abstracted, was a trifle compared to the gross receipts of the day.
My continued misconduct became now the subject of frequent remonstrances on the part of Mr. Parker the resident partner; which not having the desired effect, that gentleman wrote to my friends, informing them in general terms, that I had unhappily formed improper connexions, and that my late levity of conduct rendered me unfit to be received into their house; therefore, desiring I might be recalled without delay. Mr. Parker concluded with a remark, which I shall never forget, and which was ​peculiarly gratifying to my grandfather's (perhaps too partial) feelings: after expatiating on my general capacity for business, he added "his smartness and activity are really wonderful." This letter produced a speedy answer, in consequence of which, I was directed to hasten my departure, which took place in a few days, Mr. Parker giving me a great deal of wholesome advice at parting; observing that although it was not in his power to charge me with any direct criminality, my inconsiderate behaviour, and the continued excesses of my conduct, left but too much room for unfavourable conjectures.
Behold me now returned to my grandfather, after an absence of nearly five months; and this excursion may be called my first entrance into life. I could not help blushing at the consciousness of my own unworthiness; but the blind partiality of my dear parents, induced them to believe me less culpable than I really was; and to listen readily to any thing I had to offer in palliation of my errors.