# Familiar Colloquies/The Assembly or Parliament of Women

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THE ASSEMBLY OR PARLIAMENT OF WOMEN.
Cornelia, Margaret, Perotta, Julia, and Catherine.
Co. Since so many of you are assembled here to-day, and in so good humour, for the good and happiness of this convention, and the whole commonwealth of women, it gives me the greatest hope that every one's good genius will suggest to her those things that concern the dignity and advantage of the whole sex. I believe you all know what a prejudice it has been to our affairs, that while the men have had their daily meetings for transacting their affairs, we have been sitting at our spinning-wheels and neglected the management of our own cause. Whence things are now come to that pass that there are not the least footsteps of discipline and government left amongst us ; and the men make a mere jest of us, and scarce allow us the title of rational creatures. So that if we go on as we have done, you may easily foresee what will come of it in a short time ; and, indeed, I am afraid to utter it : and if we should take no care at all of our dignity, yet we ought to have some regard to our safety. And the wisest of kings has left it upon record, that in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. The bishops have their synods, and the flocks of monks their con- venticles ; the soldiers their councils of war, and thieves and pick- pockets their clubs ; and even the pismires themselves have their meetings. And we women, of all living creatures, are the only ones that have had no meeting of members at all. Ma. Oftener than is becoming. Co. Do not interrupt there ; let me conclude my speech, and you shall have all time to speak in your turns. That which we now do is no new thing; we only revive an old ciistom. For, if I am not mistaken, about 1300 years ago that most praiseworthy emperor, Heliogabalus Pe. Most praiseworthy ! when it is certain he was dragged about with a hook, and thrown into a house of office. Co. Here I am interrupted again. If we approve or disapprove of any person by this way of arguing, we must allow Christ was an ill person because he was crucified ; and Domitian a good man because he died in his bed. The worst thing that was laid to the charge of Heliogaba- lus was his flinging down to the ground the sacred fire that was kept by the vestal virgins, and that he had the pictures of Moses and Christ hanging up in his private ( chapel, whom, by way of contempt, they called Chrestus. This Heliogabalus published a proclamation, that as he being ​emperor had a parliament of men to consult of their common affairs, so his mother Augusta should have her parliament of women to trans- act the affairs of their own sex ; which the men, either by way of drollery or distinction, called the little senate. This precedent, which has been omitted for so many years, the present posture of our affairs obliges us to revive. Neither let any one be scrupulous, because the apostle Paul forbids a woman to speak in the assembly that he calls a church ; for he speaks of an assembly of men, and this is an assembly of women. Otherwise, if women must always hold their tongues, to what purpose did Nature give them, which are as voluble as men's, and a voice that is shriller ? although they make a hoarser sound, and thereby resemble asses more than we do. But this ought to be the care of us all, to manage our debates with that gravity, that the men may not call our assembly a conventicle, or by some other more scandalous name, and they are used to be forward enough to be scurrilous in their lan- guage to us ; although, if one might estimate their parliaments accord- ing to truth, they will appear more womanish than the assemblies of women themselves.
We see monarchs have done nothing but fight for these I do not know how many years. The students of divinity, priests, bishops, and people are at daggers-drawn, and there are as many opinions as there are men in the world, and they are more inconsistent in them than we women ourselves are. One city does not agree with another, nor one neighbour with another. If the supreme administration were entrusted in our hands, I am mistaken if the world would not be managed at a better rate than now it is. Perhaps it may not become our female modesty to charge such noble personages with folly ; but I suppose I may be allowed to recite what Solomon has written in the thirteenth chapter of his Proverbs : " There is always contention among the proud, but they that do everything by counsel are governed, by wisdom."
But that I may not detain you any longer with a tedious pream- ble, to the end that all things may be carried on decently and without confusion, in the first place it will be necessary to consider who shall be allowed as members, and who shall be excluded. For too great a company will make it look more like a mob and a riot than a grave assembly ; and if we take in too few, it will seem to be something tyrannical. Therefore I humbly conceive that no virgin is to be admitted as a member ; because many things may happen to be debated that are not proper for them to hear. Ju. But how shall we be able to know who are virgins and who are not 1 Will you allow all those to be virgins that pass for such 1 Go. No ; but my meaning is, that none but married women be admitted among us. Ju. But there are virgins among those that are married ; such as have fumblers for their husbands. Co, Well, but this honour shall be allowed to a married state, that all that have been married shall be allowed to be women. Ju. Under your favour, if you exclude none but virgins, we shall still have too great a number.
Co. Well, then, those shall be excluded that have been more than thrice married. Ju. For what reason 1 Co. Because they ought to have their quietus est, as being superannuated. And I am of opinion that we ought to do the same by those that are upwards of seventy years ​of age. I think also that it ought to be resolved, nemine contradicente, that no woman be allowed particularly to mention her own husband by name too freely. It may be allowed to speak in the general, but that too ought to be done with moderation and decency. Ca. But why may it not be allowed us to talk freely of the men here, when they are always talking about us everywhere ? My Titius, whenever he has a mind to divert his company, tells them what he did with me in the night, what I said to him, and oftentimes affirms what is false. Co. If we would speak the truth, our reputation depends wholly upon that of the men ; so that if we expose them, what else do we do but disgrace ourselves 1 ? And although, indeed, we have a great many just com- plaints against them, yet all things being duly considered, our condition is much preferable to theirs. For they, endeavouring to get a main- tenance for their families, scamper through all the parts of the earth by land and sea. In times of war they are called up by the sound of the trumpet, stand in armour in the front of the battle, while we sit at home in safety. If they transgress the law, they are punished severely ; but our sex is spared. And in the last place, for the most part it is in our own power to make our husbands such as we would have them. But it remains that we come to some resolutions about precedency in taking places, lest it should be with us as it often happens among the plenipotentiaries of kings, princes, and popes, who, in their con- gresses, squabble away three months at least in punctilios and cere- mony before they can sit down to business. Therefore it is my opinion that none but peeresses sit in the first bench ; and these shall take their places according to the degrees of their nobility. First, those that have four ; next, those that have three ; after them, those that have two ; then those who have one ; and last of all, those who have but half a one. And in every rank regard shall be had to antiquity. Bastards of every rank shall sit in the lowest place of it. The next bench shall be that of the commons ; and of those, they shall sit in the foremost places who have had the most children ; and between those who have had the same number, age shall decide the difference. The third bench shall be for those who never had any children.
Ca. Where do you intend to place the widows ? Co. Well remembered. They shall have their seats in the middle of the mothers, if they have children, or ever had any ; those that have been barren shall sit at the lower end of them. Ju. Well, but what place do you design for the wives of priests and monks 1 Co. We will consider of that matter at our next meeting. Ju. What do you determine about those women who get their living by their bodily labour 1 Co. We will not suffer this assembly to be polluted by the mixture of such cattle. Ju. What will you do concerning kept mistresses 1 Co. They are of several ranks ; we will consider that when we are more at leisure. There is another matter to be considered of, how we shall give our votes whether by sci'atching or balloting, or by word of tricks mouth, or holding up our hands, or by dividing. Ca. There are in balloting, and so there are in scratching ; and if we give our vote by dividing, as we wear long petticoats, we shall raise too much dust; so that I am of opinion, it will be the best way for every one to give her vote viva voce. Co. But it will be a difficult matter to number the votes. And then too, great care ought to be taken that it be not ​rather a Billingsgate than a senate [a place of scolding rather than a place of pleading]. Ca. It will be impossible to do anything without clerks, to take care that nothing be omitted.
Co. Well, then, we have taken care about numbering ; in the next place, how shall we exclude scolding? Ca. That nobody speak but when she is asked, and in her turn too. She that does otherwise shall be expelled the house. And if any one shall be found to blab out what is transacted here, she shall incur the penalty of a three days' silence. Co. Well, ladies, so far we have settled matters as to the method of proceeding, now let us consider what we shall debate about. In the first place, we ought to take care of our honour ; and that consists chiefly in dress, which matter has been so neglected that now-a-days you can scarce know a duchess from a shopkeeper's wife, a married woman from a maid, or a widow or a matron from a whore. Modesty is removed at that distance, that every one wears what apparel she pleases. You may see those that are scarce one degree on this side beggars, and of a base and soi'did extraction, dressed in their velvets, silks, and watered tabbies, garden satins, sprigged calicoes and chintzes, in gold and silver, sable tippets, &c., whose husbands in the meantime sit at home cobbling shoes. Their fingers are loaded with emerald and diamond rings ; for pearls are now made no account of, not to mention their amber and coral necklaces, their laced shoes. It was formerly thought enough for your ordinary women to be allowed the privilege to wear a silk girdle, and to border their petticoats with a ribbon, in honour of the sex. But now we laboiu- under a double inconveniency ; the family is beggared, and distinction, which is the life and soul of quality, is quite lost.
If the wives of the commonalty must be dragged about in gilded chariots, adorned with ivory seats, and coffbe linings and coach-seats, what shall duchesses and countesses do 1 And if a squire's spouse shall be allowed to drag a train after her of fifteen ells long, what must a duchess or a countess do 1 But there is one thing that is worse than all this, that by an unaccountable fickleness we are always altering the fashion. Formerly our headdresses were mounted upon wires, and by this dress women of quality were known from ordinary ones. Again, that the difference might be more visible, they wore caps of ermine, powdered with black spots. But the mob had them presently. Then they altered the fashion again, and wore black caps ; but the women of the ordinary sort did not only presume to imitate them, but outdid them, by adding gold embroidery and jewels to them. Formerly it was the custom of ladies of quality to comb up their hair from their fore- heads and temples, and to make a tower of it, but this did not last long ; for every baggage soon fell into that fashion. Then they wore their hair on their foreheads ; but in this too they were soon followed by the ordinary sort.
Formerly none but ladies of quality had their gentlemen ushers and pages, and out of these they chose some pretty smock -faced fellow to take them by the hand when they arose from their chairs, or to support their left arm with his right when they walked, but this honour was granted to none but gentlemen. But now women in common, following this fashion, admit any mean persons to this office, and also to bear up their train too. And whereas formerly, in primitive ​times, none but persons of high extraction saluted one another with a kiss, and did not permit every one to kiss them, no not so much as their hand; now-a-days a tanner or currier that stinks of the leather shall presume to kiss a lady of the highest quality. Nay, even in marriages there is no regard had to honour noblemen's daughters are married to tradesmen's sons, and tradesmen's daughters to noblemen, so that a sort of mongrels are brought into the world. Nor is there a wench of ever so mean a birth but would presume to use the same paints and washes that the quality use, when ordinary people ought to be satisfied with a little ale yeast, or the fresh juice of a tree that has been barked, or any such thing that costs but little; they ought to leave the fine paints, washes, and cosmetics to women of quality.
To come now to public entertainments and the park, what con- fusion and disorder is there? A merchant's wife shall oftentimes refuse to give place to a lady of noble descent both by father and mother. So that the present posture of affairs calls upon us to come to some resolution as to these matters, and these things may be easily settled among us, because they belong to none but our own sex. But there are also some affairs that we have to settle with the men too, who exclude us from all honourable employments, and only make us their laundresses and their cooks, while they themselves manage everything according to their own pleasure. We will allow them the management of public offices and military concerns. But is it a sufferahle thing that the wife's coat of arms should be painted on the left side of the escutcheon, although her family is twice as honourable as that of her husband's ? And in the last place, it is but just that a mother's consent should be had in putting out the children. And it may be we shall gain the ascendant so far as to take our turns in the administration of the public offices, but I mean only those that can be managed at home and without arms. These are the chief heads of the matters which, in my opinion, deserve our deliberation. Let every one here deliberate with herself upon these matters, that an act may be passed concerning every one of them; and if any one shall think of anything else that is necessary to be debated, let her communicate it to-morrow, for we will sit de die in diem till we have concluded the session. Let us have four clerks that may take down our speeches, and two chair- women, who shall have the power of giving liberty to speak and of enjoining silence. And let this meeting be a sample of what may be expected hereafter.