OpenLLM-France/wikimedia huggingface dataset:
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3820/A Food War

A FOOD WAR.
Some folk believe that wars commence
From greed of gain or self-defence;
But Austrian sages have divined
Incitements of a different kind.
The Servian Army (so 'tis said)
Has run completely out of bread,
And every day the hungry souls
Fight Austria for Vienna rolls.
The Austrian battles with the Tsar Because he dotes on caviare,
And must that monarch's realm invade
Because he likes it freshly made.
The Russians cannot do without
The soul-sustaining sauerkraut,
And march their armies to the West
Because Berliners make the best.
The German confidently thinks
That absinthe is the prince of drinks,
And therefore must attack the land
That keeps the most seductive brand.
The Frenchman, tired of his ragoûts,
Covets the meat that Teutons use,
And charges like an avalanche
For German sausage, not revanche.
The Briton, vexed by rules austere,
Has heard the fame of German beer,
And nought his onward march can stop
While Munich holds a single drop.
The bold Italian stands prepared
With rifle loaded, sabre bared,
And to a questioning world replies,
"Who touches my spaghetti, dies!"
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3819/The Tirpitz Touch

THE TIRPITZ TOUCH.
(A new nautical ballad.)
They faced the winds, the waves, the fogs, For they were a gallant band, And they ventured forth, the bold sea dogs, From the bight of Heligoland.
Six ships of war they steamed along, Audacious and yet discreet, When lo! on the skyline, fifteen strong. They sighted another fleet.
Oh! theirs was indeed a perilous choice, 'Twas a case of fight or flee, When the captain cried in a resolute voice, "Let us fight, my lads," cried he.
"Long have we panted to come to grips, And here we shall gain our wish; Moreover, I fancy that yonder ships Have nothing on board but fish."
Then up spake a grizzled Goeben lad, "We be far from land or fort; I should feel more safe if I knew we had A battleship in support."
"There be six of us, and fifteen of them; Have a care while the odds are thus; We may rake 'em with shell from stern to stem, But they might throw herrings at us."
The captain he said, "Take heart of grace; There's many a risk to run; A herring's an awkward thing to face, But it's not so bad as a gun.
"My mariners all, be not afraid To venture on bold designs; Remember ye come of the stock that made The North Sea stiff with mines.
"So clear the decks for a scrap, my braves, Since fight ye must and shall, Like sons of the men who rule the waves, The waves of the Kiel Canal."
So all that day they fought and drank Of the battle's fierce delight, And blazed and blazed away till they sank Those trawling boats ere night.
Then they steamed away, Yeo ho! Yeo ho! Brave men who had gained their wish, With lots of captives of war in tow, And any amount of fish.
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3819/To Limehouse

TO LIMEHOUSE.
Eastward the buzzing tram-ear dips
Adown Commercial Road,
Till you may see the masts of ships,
With all their canvas stowed,
Stand o'er the house-tops, high
Against blue sky;
And thus Romance doth stray,
Mid work-a-day.
O drabbest of all penny fares!
Yet may you catch a glimpse
Of little dusty courts and squares
Where little dusty imps
Play by the plane-trees there,
Squalid, un-fair— If these a child or tree
Could ever be.
The trams they go with hoot and lurch
Long miles, through glare and grime,
With here and there a dim cool church
Wide open all the time;
Where on this lovely day
Folk stop to pray
That wars, at length, may cease
And we have peace.
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3820/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
The Kaiser, we are told, travels with an asbestos hut. We fancy, however, that it is not during his lifetime that the most pressing need for a fire-proof shelter will arise.
"The Germans," said one of our experts last week, "are retreating to what looks like a bootle-neck exit." Their fondness for the bottle is, of course, well known and may yet be their undoing.
The Times, one day, gave a map showing "The Line of Battle in Champagne." It was, as might have been expected, a very wobbly line.
A somewhat illiterate correspondent writes to say that he considers that the French ought to have allowed the Mad Dog to retain Looneyville.
The German papers publish the statement that a Breslau merchant has offered 30,000 marks to the German soldier who, weapon in hand, shall be the first to place his feet on British soil. By a characteristic piece of sharp practice the reward, it will be noted, is offered to the man personally and would not be payable to his next of kin.
With one exception all good hitherto manufactured in Germany can be made just as well here. The exception is Lies.
We have been requested to deny the rumour that Mr. A. C. Benson's forthcoming Christmas book is to be a Eulogy of German Culture and is to bear the title, Some Broken Panes From a College Window (in Louvain).
A Corps of Artists for Home Defence is being formed, and the painter members are said to be longing for a brush with the enemy.
Cases have been brought to our notice by racing men of betting news having been delayed on more than one occasion owing to the wires being required for war purposes. We are confident that if a protest were made to Lord Kitchener he would look very closely into the matter.
Another item reaches us from the dear old village of Pufflecombe this week. The oldest inhabitant met a stranger. "'Scuse me, Zur," he said, "but be you from Lunnon town?" The visitor nodded. "Then maybe, Zur," said the rustic, "you can tell me if it be true, as I have heerd tell, that relations 'tween England and Germany be strained?"
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3820/Bob's Way

BOBS' WAY.
He knew, none better, how 't would be, And spoke his warning far and wide;
He worked to save us ceaselessly, Setting his well-earnt ease aside.
We smiled and shrugged and went our way Blind to the swift-approaching blow; His every word proves true to-day, But no man hears, "I told you so!"
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3820/Bobs' Way

BOBS' WAY.
He knew, none better, how 't would be, And spoke his warning far and wide;
He worked to save us ceaselessly, Setting his well-earnt ease aside.
We smiled and shrugged and went our way Blind to the swift-approaching blow; His every word proves true to-day, But no man hears, "I told you so!"
# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3820/Doubt

DOUBT.
The War has caused one thing (among others). It has filled me with an infinite distrust of human testimony. Were I on a jury I should find every not "Not guilty" now—unless, of course, the prisoner were foolish enough to bring evidence on his own behalf. It is not the German Press Bureau that has done this. It has maintained its customary high standard with magnificent consistency.
My faith in human testimony has been shattered by Mactavish's uncle, Bloomer's maiden aunt, and Wiggins' brother-in-law. I put on one side the statement of Mirfin's grandmother because her allegation that 193 trains passed her house one night might have been based on the shunting of a single goods train. One knows the fiendish persistency of the shunted goods train at night.
But let me take the bald statement of Mactavish's uncle. He is a baillie, an elder and a drysalter. He wrote to Mactavish:—"I regret that the attendance at the Kirk on Sunday was most unsatisfactory. The younger members of the congregation were all watching the disembarcation of the Cossacks. I understand that the Established Kirk held no services at all. I did not feel it consistent with a proper observance of the Sabbath to go and watch them myself, so I only saw by chance, and not intentionally, the six regiments which marched past my house."
What could be more conclusive than that?
The very next day Bloomer met me and produced a much-crossed letter from his pocket. "Just read the last few lines," he said triumphantly.
I read with zest.
"Damsons are very cheap this year. I am jamming an extra quantity. Do you think pots of jam could be safely sent to the chaplains at the front? Kiss the dear baby for me. Excuse a longer letter, but I am quite worn out with handing hot meat pies to the Russian troops passing through here.
Ever your affectionate Aunt,
Millicent Bloomer."
Not "meat pies," mark you, but "hot meat pies." Somehow that little touch won my absolute belief.
Now we come to the solemn statement of Wiggins' brother-in-law. He is, according to Wiggins, a patriot of the finest type—only prevented from going to the front by the claims of business, a family of nine, and a certain superfluity of adipose tissue. "When guarding a railway bridge as a special constable a troop train stopped through an engine breakdown. Numbers of finely built men in fur coats descended on to the line. Two of them came to me and, making signs of thirst, said, 'Vodka, vodka.' They embraced me warmly after I had offered them my pocket-flask, and then, shouting 'Berlin,' rejoined the train."
I could quite believe that. Any brother-in-law of Wiggins would have a pocket-flask.
Yet the Press Bureau solemnly asserts that no Russian troops have passed through this country. I have now no faith in anyone's uncles, aunts nor yet brothers-in-law. I believe nothing. Is there a Kaiser? Is there a War? Or is the whole thing a malignant invention of Lloyd George to save a tottering Government? But then again—(most terrible of all doubts)—is there a Lloyd George?
# Proclamation 7886

Delivered on 14 April 2005.
By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation
America's economy is the most prosperous in the world, and the small business sector is one of its great strengths. During Small Business Week, we honor small business owners and workers, and we reaffirm our commitment to keeping America the best place in the world to do business.
Our economy is strong and growing stronger. More Americans are working today than ever before. The unemployment rate is lower than the average rate of the 1970's, 1980's, and 1990's. Homeownership is at a record high. Family incomes are rising. Small businesses are at the heart of this growth, creating most new private-sector jobs in our economy and helping our citizens succeed.
My Administration is committed to keeping small businesses vibrant and strong. We provided tax relief and streamlined tax reporting requirements for small businesses. We are working to reduce the burden of unnecessary regulation and excessive litigation. We are working to make health care more available and affordable. We are opening up markets for U.S. products through free trade agreements and by enforcing existing trade laws. And we have promoted a culture of ownership so that more people can own their own homes and start their own businesses.
As small business owners and employees add to the vitality of our economy, they also inspire others to realize the full promise of our Nation. I join all Americans in celebrating the entrepreneurial spirit and hard work of our small business owners and employees.
Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim April 24 through April 30, 2005, as Small Business Week. I call upon all the people of the United States to observe this week with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and programs that celebrate the achievements of small business owners and their employees and encourage and foster the development of new small businesses.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this fourteenth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-ninth.
George W. Bush
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States federal government (see 17 U.S.C. 105).
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse
# Proclamation 7887

Delivered on 15 April 2005.
By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation
America's system of national parks is dedicated to protecting our resources and preserving our cultural and natural treasures. During National Park Week, we celebrate these places and those who work to support and maintain them. This year's National Park Week theme, "National Parks: America's Gift to the World," reminds us that our country's parks serve as tributes to our Nation's history that are enjoyed by visitors from around the globe.
My Administration is dedicated to ensuring that our national parks remain a source of pride for our citizens, and we are expanding our ability to protect America's historical and natural wonders. By insisting upon management excellence, the National Park Service is ensuring that the most vital maintenance and conservation needs of our parks are met and that resources are spent where they are needed the most.
As we observe National Park Week, we recognize the vital contributions of National Park Service employees and volunteers. These dedicated men and women manage nearly 400 areas, covering more than 84 million acres in 49 states. Together with the 140,000 volunteers who donated over 5 million hours to these sites last year, National Park Service employees ensure that our National Parks are safe and enjoyable places where visitors can experience America.
America's national parks reflect our commitment to protect the land that God has entrusted to our care and to mark the milestones that have made us a better Nation. In being good stewards of these treasures, we maintain the legacy of our country for future generations.
Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim April 18 through April 24, 2005, as National Park Week. I call upon the people of the United States to join me in recognizing the importance of our national parks and to learn more about these places of beauty, their cultural and historical significance, and the many ways citizens can volunteer to protect and conserve these precious national resources.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-ninth.
George W. Bush
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States federal government (see 17 U.S.C. 105).
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse
# Proclamation 7889

Delivered on 20 April 2005.
By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation
Physical fitness is vital to a healthy lifestyle. During National Physical Fitness and Sports Month, we highlight the importance of integrating exercise into our daily routines and encourage all our citizens to live more active lives.
Physical fitness benefits both the body and the mind. Regular exercise, along with healthy eating habits, helps prevent serious health problems, improves productivity, and promotes better sleep and relaxation. Maintaining an active lifestyle reduces the risk of chronic diseases such as obesity, diabetes, asthma, heart disease, and certain cancers. Americans can improve their health and well-being by dedicating a small part of each day to physical activity.
As children grow, athletic activities teach them important life lessons and help prepare them for the opportunities ahead. Sports are a way for young Americans to meet new friends, discover the value of teamwork, discipline, and patience, and learn to win and lose with respect for others. From baseball to mountain biking to swimming, sports and physical activities can be a great chance to get outdoors and enjoy memorable experiences with family and friends.
Through the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports, my Administration is promoting the incorporation of physical activity into daily life and the importance of a healthy lifestyle. The Council's website, www.fitness.gov, provides information on steps individuals can take to live better and more productive lives. Programs like "The President's Challenge" help individuals set fitness goals and work hard to achieve them.
I urge all Americans to set aside time to improve their health through physical fitness and sports, and I encourage individuals to help motivate their family and friends to get out and exercise. By contributing to a culture of health and well-being in America, citizens help demonstrate the strength and character of our great country.
Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim May 2005 as National Physical Fitness and Sports Month. I call upon the people of the United States to make daily physical activity a priority in their lives and to recognize the numerous benefits of an active lifestyle. I also call on all Americans to celebrate this month with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and programs.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-ninth.
George W. Bush
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States federal government (see 17 U.S.C. 105).
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse
# Proclamation 7891

Delivered on 29 April 2005.
By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation
The American legal system helps preserve our constitutional principles and ensures justice for all our citizens. As we celebrate Law Day, we recognize our Nation's commitment to the rule of law and the rights and privileges that all Americans share.
President Eisenhower established Law Day in 1958 to pay tribute to our heritage of liberty, justice, and equality under the law. Each year on Law Day, we recognize our Nation's commitment to a fair legal system and to protecting the rights and freedoms we cherish.
The theme of this year's Law Day, "The American Jury: We the People in Action," recognizes the imperative of self-government and the necessity of individuals'participation in the judicial process. By taking time away from their day-to-day responsibilities to serve on juries, Americans demonstrate their commitment to good citizenship and their willingness to uphold the laws of our Nation.
Since our founding, the jury has been a fundamental institution in American law and a pillar of our democracy. As we celebrate Law Day this year, we honor the continued role of the jury as a foundation of our legal system, and express our appreciation to all Americans who serve on juries.
Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, in accordance with Public Law 87-20, as amended, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2005, as Law Day, U.S.A. I also encourage Americans to observe May 1 through May 7, 2005, as National Juror Appreciation Week. I call upon the people of the United States to acknowledge the importance of our Nation's legal and judicial systems with appropriate ceremonies and activities, and to display the flag of the United States in support of this national observance.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-ninth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-ninth.
George W. Bush
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States federal government (see 17 U.S.C. 105).
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse
# Proclamation 7884

Delivered on 5 April 2005.
By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation
We are making great gains in the fight against cancer. Advances in prevention, early detection, and treatment are reducing cancer rates and increasing the likelihood of survival. Despite this progress, cancer remains the second leading cause of death in America. During Cancer Control Month, we continue to work to learn more about cancer prevention and detection, promote efforts to find better treatments and a cure, and support cancer patients, survivors, and their families.
A healthy lifestyle can lower the risk of developing certain types of cancer. This year, the Department of Health and Human Services released new Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005, which emphasize reducing caloric intake, eating healthy foods, and increasing physical activity. I encourage all Americans to follow these guidelines, to use sunscreen and limit exposure to the sun, and to avoid tobacco and alcohol abuse. I also urge citizens to talk with their doctors about their cancer risk and to get regular check-ups and preventive screenings. Detecting cancer early increases survival rates and saves lives.
There are nearly 9.8 million cancer survivors in the United States today because of advances in health care. Aggressive funding will lead scientists to earlier diagnoses and improved treatments for lung, colorectal, and other cancers. My Administration proposed more than $5.6 billion for cancer prevention, treatment, and research through the National Institutes of Health in my fiscal year 2006 budget. These funds will help scientists learn more about this devastating disease and offer new hope for countless Americans and their families.
As we observe this month, we honor cancer survivors for their inspiring examples of courage, steadfast strength, and willingness to share their stories and experiences with others. We recognize the families, friends, and loved ones who support and encourage those living with cancer. And we remain grateful to our scientists and medical professionals, who make America's health care system the best in the world. Together, we can help all our citizens live healthier, longer lives.
In 1938, the Congress of the United States passed a joint resolution (52 Stat. 148; 36 U.S.C. 103) as amended, requesting the President to issue an annual proclamation declaring April as "Cancer Control Month."
Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim April 2005 as Cancer Control Month. I encourage citizens, government agencies, private businesses, nonprofit organizations, and other interested groups to join in activities that raise awareness about how all Americans can prevent and control cancer.
In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this fifth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand five, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-ninth.
George W. Bush
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it is a work of the United States federal government (see 17 U.S.C. 105).
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse