# J. Archibald McKackney (Collector of Whiskers)

J. Archibald McKackney is the tale (or tales, rather) of the adventures of McKackney in his pursuit of the creation (and cataloguing of) the finest collection of whiskers. Includes his creation of the first ever "Hirsute Orchestra."
    At length I pressed a key and my fingers were tremulous with excitement. The bellows directly in front of old Captain Rust drove a swift blast of air on his face and his beard played to and fro like a miniature cascade. I waited an instant and again turned on the air current. The bellows next in line responded to an electric impulse and the flowing "Dundrearys" of the Salvation Army derelict waggled perceptibly. I turned to my tuning forks and almost stopped breathing. I had heard the first note struck from the vibrations of Captain Rust's magnificent beard....
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J. ARCHIBALD McKACKNEY
(Collector of Whiskers)
J. ARCHIBALD
McKACKNEY
(Collector of Whiskers)
Being certain episodes taken from the diary and notes of that estimable gentleman -student and now for the first time set forth.
EDITED BY RALPH D. PAINE
Author of "The Story of Martin Coe"
"The Greater America" etc.
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY WALLACE MORGAN
NEW YORK
THE OUTING PUBLISHING COMPANY
MCMVII
Copyrighted, 1907, by
THE OUTING PUBLISHING COMPANY
All rights reserved
A beard of rare dimensions that would create the bass of a whole symphony orchestra.
Contents
       Publisher's Preface
CONTENTS
* CHAPTERPAGE
* IThe Episode of the Titian Beard ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................3
* IIThe Pursuit of the Hirsute Orchestra ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................27
* IIIThe Tragedy of the Peasant's Revenge ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................59
* IVThe Episode of the Sentimental Anarchist ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................83
* VThe Tale of the Wandering Book-Case ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................113
* VIThe Tale of the Shipwrecked Parent ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................139
* VIIThe Abdication of King Wilkins I ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................161
ILLUSTRATIONS
* A beard of rare dimensions that would create the bass of a whole symphony orchestra ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Frontispiece
* PAGE
* "I'm looking for a game where they give away ham-and-eggs for first prizes" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................6
* "The magnificent torrent of his beard" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................11
* "I was plucked from my chair, and borne toward the fire-place" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................2
* "Wilkins smothered an amazed oath, while his rugged face was a study of novel emotions" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................35
* "Airily twisting the needle-like ends of a rat-tailed mustache" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................45
* "Now a fraction off the bottom. The tone is almost perfect" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................67
* "Wilkins brought the hairy exile home with him" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................70
* "He was sore about something and ran amuck with a big pair of scissors" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................78
* "The coveted stranger had suddenly and violently fallen in love" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................87
* "Struck a heroic attitude as he shouted" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................98
* "It seemed to rain cans of corned beef, tongue and deviled ham" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................103
* Snipped a generous handful from the end of the captive beard" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................117
* "The wooden-bottomed chair caught me in the small of the back" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................129
* "The wretch was crawling toward the box on hands and knees" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................135
* "A sprightly old man darted into view and ran down the gangplank" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................143
* "Hallelujah, I won by an eighth of an inch" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................147
* "And laugh in his bushy beard till the tears ran down into it" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................155
* "Behind him streamed scores of villagers" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................165
* "Uncle Jedediah woke up with a snort" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................173
* "Perhaps he would prefer to work out this problem for himself, Mr. J. Archibald McKackney" ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................177
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published before January 1, 1929.
The longest-living author of this work died in 1925, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 98 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works.
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