# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3811/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
Those who deny that Mr. Lloyd George is ruining land-owners will perhaps be impressed by the following advertisement in The Bazaar, Exchange and Mart:—
   "To be sold, small holding, well stocked with fruit trees, good double tenement house on good road and close to station, good outer buildings. Price, Four Marks, Alton, Hants."
The fact that the price should be translated into German looks unpleasantly like an attempt to entrap an ignorant foreigner.
Meanwhile it looks as if the Socialist ideal of driving our landed gentry into the workhouse is already being realised. The Abergavenny Board of Guardians, we read, has decided to accept an offer by Lord Abergavenny to purchase the local workhouse for £3,000.
Three of the new peers have now chosen their titles. Sir Edgar Vincent becomes Baron d'Abernon; Major-General Brocklehurst, Baron Ranksborough, and Sir Edward Lyell, Baron Lyell. Rather lazy of Sir Edward.
A lioness which escaped from a circus at Bourg-en-Brasse, France, the other day, was killed, and a gendarme in the hunting party was shot in the leg. As the lioness was not armed it is thought that the gendarme must have been shot by one of the party.
It is frequently said that, if the Suffragettes were to drop their militant tactics, the suffrage would be granted to-morrow. A Suffragette now writes to stigmatise this as a hypocritical mis-statement. She points out that recently the experiment was tried of allowing an entire day to pass without an outrage, but not a single vote was granted.
Dr. Hans Friedenthal, a well-known Professor of Berlin University, declares that, as a result of the higher education, women will in the near future be totally bald, and will wear patriarchal beards and long moustaches. They will then, no doubt, get the vote by threatening that, unless their wishes are granted, they will kiss every man they meet at sight.
Portsmouth Town Council has carried, by eleven votes to nine, a Labour amendment refusing to place official guide-books to Pretoria in the public library unless the nine deportees are allowed to return to South Africa. General Botha could hardly have foreseen this result of his action, and it will be interesting to see what happens now.
   "Poison after a Duck's Egg."
   Evening News.
Our cricketers would seem to be getting absurdly sensitive. This is scarcely the way to brighten the game.
The Guildhall Art Gallery is to be rebuilt. Some of the pictures there might be at the same time re-painted with advantage.
Apparently the Moody of the Moody-Manners Opera Company is gaining the upper hand. This Company opened its London season with The Dance of Death.
The appearance in Bond Street last week of a lady leading a little pig instead of a dog as a pet is being widely discussed in canine circles, though it has not yet been decided what action, if any, shall be taken. In view of the fact that so many dogs are pigs it is possible that no objection will be raised to one pig being a dog.
By the way, The Daily Chronicle was not quite correct when, in describing the recent "Dog Feast," in which the Shepherds Bush Indians were alleged to have participated, it used the expression "pow-wow." Owing to the action of the Canine Defence League a sheep was roasted and not a pow-wow.
A motor-bus ran into a barber's shop in Gray's Inn Road last week, and three customers had a close shave.
Some burglars recently blew open with gelignite the safe of a Holborn jeweller containing £1,000 worth of gems, and, as the jewels are missing, the police incline to the view that the object of the men must have been robbery.
Asked by The Express for a suggestion for a motto for the L.C.C., Mr. H. de Vere Stacpoole sent the reply, "My word is sovereign." It is good to know that this delightful writer can command an even higher rate of pay than did Mr. Rudyard Kipling at the height of his popularity.
The Daily Herald informs us that the Russian monk, Rasputin, "started life as an illiterate peasant." But, we would ask, is there really anything remarkable in this? We believe that the number of persons who have been born literate is extremely small.
Says an advertisement in T.P.'s Weekly:—"Reader receives guests—Leigh-on-Sea, facing sea, minute cliffs." It is honourable of the advertiser to mention the minuteness of the cliffs. This is, we fear, a characteristic of the Essex coast.
Among "Businesses for Sale" in The Daily Chronicle, we come across what looks like an ugly example of military venality:--"General for Sale, taking £16 a week; going cheap."
Finally, we have the pleasure to award first honorary prize in our Pathetic Advertisement Competition to the following—also from The Daily Chronicle:—
   "Fish (Fried) and Chips for Sale, owing to wife's illness: only one in neighbourhood."
We trust that the advertiser's addiction to monogamy is not confined to the neighbourhood.