# The Dog With Two Masters

Translation of "Zwei Herren für einen Hund" from Erzählungen und Schwänke volume 1 (1818). Published in four parts in The Kaleidoscope; or, Literary and Scientific Mirror (1824): parts one, two, three, and four.
THE DOG WITH TWO MASTERS.
[Original Translation from the German of Frederic Laun.]
Chapter 1st, in which Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger is introduced.—The sun was just setting, and people of delicate health had already betaken themselves to their respective residences, when the discordant horns from the watch-tower announced the arrival of a new guest. The windows were immediately filled with young and old, with plain and pretty faces, and a smile hovered upon them all, when the object of the general solicitude came distinctly within sight.
On a small fleshless white horse sat a tall, stout, and well-fed young man, in a pea-green surtout, which seemed to have been much exposed to sun and rain; the weather-beaten head of the horseman, which contrasted singularly with the delicate colour of his coat, was adorned with a cocked hat of such enormous size, that one of its points projected between the ears of the Rosinante, whilst the other covered the animal’s very modest tail: a pair of boots, which would have been too long for the horse itself, hung in a sloping direction on both sides, and were thickly covered with particles of the soil which they had grazed, whilst an immense pipe, of great value, was dangling in front, and sent forth clouds of smoke, which would have warranted the supposition that he was a travelling steam-engine. The whip seemed to have been taken merely for fashion’s sake, for the horse walked so leisurely, that even the most lazy children had full time to get out of the way; and the animal appeared as conscious as the rider, that it would be altogether unreasonable to require greater speed, under existing circumstances.
The long sword, which rattled on the pavement, gave the salutary hint, that it might be as well for the spectators not to interfere with the pleasure of Jeremiah Schnackenberger; and this warning was rendered still more effectual by a Danish bull-dog, of nearly the horse’s size, which marched very deliberately in the rear, exhibiting, now and then, two rows of teeth, which commanded universal respect for the joint travellers.
The crowds in the windows were scrutinized by the rider in his turn, and this review absorbed him to such a degree, that he had actually suffered his pipe to go out: but he became no sooner aware of the fact, than he took out his tinder-box to rekindle it, when his horse took advantage of the opportunity to turn into a lateral-street, and to proceed, as by instinct, to the inn of the Golden Sow. The gold on the sign was rather tarnished, and the whole appearance of the premises was not very inviting; but Jeremiah would not contradict his poor beast; and, after having in vain called for the ostler, he first entered the house, and then proceeded into the open travellers’ room.
Chapter 2d.—Of the accommodations in the Golden Sow.—A strolling troop of players had lately given a representation of Don Juan; and Mrs. Barbara Liquorice, the landlady, very naturally took our hero for the old commander, when she awoke out of her afternoon’s rest, which a little extra glass had prolonged beyond its usual extent. She felt greatly alarmed at the visit, and inquired into its object; but as she became aware that she had to deal with mere creatures of flesh and bone, she feared neither dog nor master, and expostulated with the latter in her accustomed manner, about the impropriety of his entering on horseback into a dwelling-room.
Jeremiah stated, very calmly, the absence of the domestic, and appeased the angry fair one so effectually, that she asked pardon for her rashness, and conducted the horse to the stable. The traveller made himself comfortable, and was much amused with the portraits of half-a-dozen fat pigs, which hung against the wall, together with their pedigree, and a short description of their lives, in order to show the landlord’s skill in the noble art of rearing and fattening their species. The silence and dullness which prevailed throughout the house, indicated, however, that it had ceased to be the scene of activity; and the returning hostess put the matter beyond doubt. She related, without being much pressed, that she had been left a widow in the very prime of life, and with rather more property than she could conveniently manage herself, having to contend against an envious and enterprizing neighbour at the Fox, who contrived to get all her customers, by bribing the postillions and others to injure her fair fame. She made it pretty well understood, that she did not think it likely an inn could ever thrive without a master; whilst, on the other hand, her’s would afford a fine opportunity to a young man of spirit, to make his way in the world. A few years more, on the female side, appeared to her rather an advantage, since it offered additional security of steadiness and fidelity to the husband.
Mr. Schnackenberger listened with a great deal of good-nature to this exposition, interrupting it merely now and then with an “Indeed!” but more frequently addressing Jupiter (his dog) who was consuming the supper which had been brought in, and for which his master showed no particular relish. The lady drew rather a favourable augury from the latter circumstance; and, after having conducted her guest to a bed-room, she left him to ruminate on what had been said.
Chapter 3d.—An improper visit.—Our weary traveller had been fast asleep, when he was almost lifted out of his bed by Jupiter, who started from under it with a most tremendous howl, to receive a man with a whip in his hand, whom the hostess introduced by means of a master-key, because he pretended to come on very urgent business. Jeremiah held the candle to the intruder’s countenance, and recognised him as the proprietor of the horse, who suspected him to have left the University for good, and to have hired the animal with the intention of taking it home with him. He had traced him all the way; and he insisted on immediate payment and satisfaction. A well-filled purse was forthwith produced; and the sight of it convinced the horse-dealer, at once, of his error. He now begged to be excused, and desired his much-honoured ​patron to keep the quadruped as long as it might be his pleasure; but the money was laid before him in silence; and, as he still continued to proffer his services, a significant glance at Jupiter made both him and the hostess evacuate the room in an instant, and go down the stairs much more quickly than they had come up.
Chapter 4th.—A more serious disturbance.—All had long become quiet; but Jeremiah could not recover his sleep. Daylight began already to appear, when he thought he perceived something like smoke. He got up, opened the door, and found that he had not been mistaken: the staircase was in full blaze, and a violent fire raged below. He quickly filled his pipe, took his surtout on his arm, and looked out of the window to see what could be done that way. A leap upon the pavement appeared to be rather dangerous; but the chief sign of the house (a large sow of gilded stone) was placed over the entrance-gate at a little distance from the building, and he might hope to reach it. He succeeded to his wishes; and as soon as he was safely astride on the stone-representative, he began to bawl out lustily for help. It was some time before he could engage any one’s attention; because the house stood by itself, and there was none opposite: some early workmen took him for a drunkard, or for a madman, who was playing with his dog, to the annoyance of the neighbourhood. The cries of Jupiter were, indeed, quite as loud as his master’s, because he had not been able to follow, and his danger was greater: the flame had already penetrated into the room; and it was only then that the watchman saw what was the matter, and rang the fire-bell. Assistance was now speedily procured; but the engines were sooner at hand than the ladders, and the most efficacious way of preserving the man on the sow, seemed to be to drench him well with water, which was done accordingly. He bore this with great resignation; and when a ladder was finally produced, he entreated, for God’s sake, that it might be employed first in the preservation of his companion. The assistants thought themselves insulted by the request, and refused to comply with it; but when he offered a louis d’or to him who should do the deed, the competition became so great, that the dog would probably have perished, if he had not taken the resolution to escape by a courageous leap upon a water-cart, which happened to come within his reach.
Chapter 5th, which explains the object of the journey, and introduces a person of rank.—Jupiter was as unrivalled in the university as his namesake had formerly been at Olympus; and all the students envied his fortunate master, who had often refused the most brilliant offers, and whom even the greatest distress for money had never been able to tempt to the idea of parting with his dog; although he could not conceal from himself than the keep of the animal was infinitely more expensive than his own, which was itself none of the cheapest. Jupiter was in the constant practice of visiting all the kitchens to which he could get access, and to consider every thing as a fair prize that came within his reach: the fierceness of his aspect prevented the lawful proprietors from using violent means in keeping him off; they found it much more convenient to let him have the articles, which he had laid under sequestration, and to present his master with a bill of the damage, in which some slight indemnification for the alarm was either directly charged or tacitly laid on. An account of this description was one day given in by a tavern-keeper, whose whole stock of provisions had been attacked, and notably injured by the voracious brute. Mr. Schnackenberger happened, in his first emotion, to ask his friend Fabian Sebastian, whether he would still abide by the offer which he had lately made for the destroyer? the answer was affirmative; but as the purchase-money was of considerable amount, the buyer requested eight days to raise it. To this the seller consented; but, having received a remittance from home before the stipulated term was expired, he repented of the bargain, and laboured hard to annul the same; finding it, however, impossible to set any negociation on foot, he bestrode the first horse he could meet with, and set off for a celebrated bathing-place, with the intention to stop there as long as his money would last, and to enjoy the exclusive society of his dear Jupiter without interruption, until they should be finally separated.
The oddity of his situation, during the fire, produced, however, a circumstance which he could neither have foreseen nor expected. There was, among the various bathing-guests, a daughter of his own sovereign, whom the alarm had likewise brought to the spot, and who had no sooner understood that the sufferer was her countryman, than she interested herself with particular solicitude in his safety, congratulated him with her usual affability on his escape, and, finally, invited him to a ball which she intended to give in the evening. This operated a sudden and total revolution in the ideas of Jeremiah, and he accepted of the invitation, although attendance in ball-rooms was rather foreign from the character of his usual pursuits.
The fire had not spread very far, for there was a strong partition-wall between the part in which it had broken out, and the rest of the premises. Mrs. Liquorice had already prepared fresh quarters in an out-building, and she showed herself very anxious to make her lodger as comfortable as circumstances would admit. The side-glance which she had taken at his full purse, and his noble behaviour, during the night and in the morning, had inspired her with deep respect, and confirmed her in the favourable opinion which his manly person had made her conceive at first sight.
​Chapter 6th.—Preparations for the Ball.—Jeremiah Schnackenberger was not naturally of a ferocious disposition; but a military dress had been introduced by some young men of his acquaintance, and he had adopted it, because it freed him from the company of fops, who were his decided aversion. He never began a quarrel himself; but, when he was engaged in one, he made the best of it, and gave as good as he received. For the rest, he attached no great importance to the dress of other people; and he thought they had no right to take notice of his own. He dried himself at a large fire, without caring whether the ablution had improved or disfigured his appearance; yet, as he cast, from time to time, a glance through the window, he could not help remarking, that, among all the passengers, there was not one that looked at all like himself and his friends, and that he should make himself rather too conspicuous by going to a ball in his usual costume: he resolved, therefore, to effect some slight alteration in that respect.
He sent for several tailors, and desired to have either a new coat or to have his surtout shortened in such a manner as to make it look like one: but the tailors declared, unanimously, that they could not enter into any fresh engagements for the day, because they had already more work on hand than they could possibly finish; but, that any day after the present, they should be most happy to serve him. The shoe-makers were not more accommodating; for, although some of them had a stock on hand, their shoes were all too small for his feet. He addressed himself, in this emergency, to his landlady, and she kindly opened forthwith all her trunks and chests for his service: the wardrobe of her late husband had been considerable, but unfortunately his shoes would not fit, and his coats were not only half-an-ell too short, but they had also such a butcher-like appearance, that they could not be turned to any use. Urged to desperation, by so many disappointments, Jeremiah seized at last a pair of large scissors, and cut off the superfluous part of his surtout, which was thus transformed into a dress-coat, in spite of what the tailors had said about the impossibility of the thing and the shortness of the time. This having been accomplished, the boots were also sacrificed, and cut down to a pair of ball-shoes, which had every desirable solidity, and no other defect but that of a rigid stiffness, which would not allow the slender and elegant buckles to take sufficient hold; so that it was necessary for him to move his foot with great caution, to prevent them from springing off. This circumstance proved the more troublesome, as such a manner of walking was in direct opposition to Mr. Schnackenberger’s general habits, and formed a complete contrast to the rest of his demeanour; but it could not be helped. All other needful articles of dress were easily procured; and the hostess declared, upon her conscience, that there would not be a better-looking man than her guest in the whole room. She promised to take care of Jupiter; but was of opinion that the fine silver-chased pipe ought to be taken ​by way of ornament; and to this recommendation the proprietor lent a willing ear.
Chapter 7th.—Jeremiah Schnackenberger falls in love with the Princess.—The ball was given in honour of the King’s birth-day, and the company was of the most brilliant description; it may, therefore, easily be imagined what kind of sensation the grotesque appearance of our hero excited; many of the persons present recognised him, either as the horseman of the preceding day, or as the swine-rider of the morning; but both events were forgotton in the surprise produced by his present entrance. The lining of his ci-devant surtout was loosened from the cloth, and the pockets protruded between the openings, because one was weighed down by his heavy purse, and the other by his large pipe, of which the mouth-piece projected also at the top of its temporary residence. Jeremiah paced along with great deliberation and almost maidenly demureness, lest he should lose his shoe-buckles; his eyes sought the Princess, but he had already been pointed out to her, and she very kindly sent one of her attendants to meet him for the purpose of pointing out to him the disorder that reigned in his toilet, and of offering to assist him to remedy it. Mr. Schnackenberger scarcely knew whether he should laugh at what was pointed out to him, or be ashamed of it; but he availed himself, with great glee, of the proffered service; he stepped with the messenger into a side-room, where another coat and a decent pair of shoes were procured and appropriated to his use; after this he re-entered the saloon and cut a tolerable figure. He took the first opportunity to join his patroness, and to express his thanks. Her friendly and condescending manners placed him so much at his ease, that he candidly told her the reason of his singular appearance; she was amused with these details, and as she thought that the man was, after all, not quite so foolish as he looked, she prolonged the conversation, in order to procure him also the favourable opinion of the public by her apparent countenance. Jeremiah felt more and more at home; for, although he had nothing of the fop about him, he judged quite as advantageously of his own merits as most people do, and he thought that there was no harm in pushing one’s fortune if one happened to have a good opportunity of doing so. He kept as close to the fair lady as possible; and as, in the course of conversation, she had declared that she was fond of botany, he offered her, without ceremony, to spend the principal part of his time in her company, in order to direct her studies in a branch of science to which he had particularly devoted himself. Upon this the Princess thought it high time to break off the conference: she said, in a loud and almost angry tone, that she would take his proposal into consideration, and withdrew suddenly from him. The latter was astounded at this unexpected retreat; and his surprise amounted to confusion, when he perceived himself to be the laughing-stock of a Mr. De Pilsen, who seemed to have observed him with scrutinizing attention from the very beginning. He retired into an anti-room, and threw himself upon a sofa, without taking any notice of what was passing around him; he sat there for a considerable time with his hands upon his eyes; but when he finally changed his position, he found a paper upon his knees, which contained the following words, in apparently female characters: “We are too much observed here. To-morrow morning, at nine o’clock; the parts of the neighbouring mountain, which abound in fine plants, afford a convenient rendezvous.” This must be from her, thought Jeremiah: he put the note into his pocket, and was himself again.
Chapter 8th, in which Jupiter acts the principal part.—When Mrs. Liquorice engaged to keep the dog within her premises, she undertook rather more than she was able to accomplish; she treated him, indeed, with a most splendid supper, and his attention was further rivetted to the spot, as long as there was any appearance of cooking and eating going on in the house; but as soon as every transaction of the kind was finally settled for that night, nothing could prevent him from tracing the steps of his master. The numerous servants of the Princess were, at first, unwilling to admit him; but, on second consideration, it was found more advisable to entice him into the back-yard, where a kennel and a strong chain happened to be vacant. A clever scullion succeeded in fastening him, unawares, to the latter; and all would have been well, if the favourite cat of an old Countess had not passed through the yard before the door could be fastened. This sight enraged Jupiter to such a degree that he broke chain, kennel, and all, to fly at the enemy. The cat fled for protection to the assembly-room, and, in her anxiety, over the table of refreshments, with her pursuer close at her heels. Punch, lemonade, and glasses went smash to the ground; the dance was interrupted, and the most dreadful confusion prevailed at the moment, when Jeremiah returned to the room; his voice made Jupiter immediately desist, but the mischief was done. Several people had been hurt; and it was some time before any thing like gaiety could be restored. It required no great skill in physiognomy to read upon the countenances of the assembly what were the general sentiments; and when the beast was led away by its master, the latter heard, in passing, such remarks about would-be gentlemen, as he would not have put up with on any other occasion.
Chapter 9th. Birth-day Amusements.—“My good friends,” said Mr. de Pilsen to some of his cronies, “when the fellow comes again, we must have him at table.”—“He come again!” replied some, “No, no; he has had enough of balls for all his life.” “We shall see that presently,” said the former, “I am much mistaken if he gives in so easily, and I repeat it, let us stick together and keep him warm. I should like to see him drunk.”
Mr. De Pilsen was right in his conjecture, for Jeremiah came back in a short time: the joyous troop surrounded him forthwith; and its leader succeeded in overcoming the suspicion which the student had at first conceived of him, on account of his satirical sneers. He protested that he had been highly amused with Jupiter’s frolic, and that he should be very happy to cultivate Mr. Schnackenberger’s acquaintance. With regard to the latter point, the addressed person had no objection; but as to the frolic, he would give one half of his future property if it had not happened. The party took great pains to persuade him that it was a most exquisite addition to the festivity; but he thought the Princess did not look so friendly as before, and nothing could overcome his grief on that account. This was, perhaps, the chief reason why his new friends were so successful in making him drink whatever was poured out for him; the poor man wanted to drown his sorrow, and so he did.—He was already far gone when Jupiter made his second appearance. The company showed great deference for him by getting out of his way; and he was thereby enabled to join his master, and to lay his fore-paws upon the table whilst he demolished whatever happened to be the contents of the nearest plates and dishes. A servant attempted to interfere, but was told that he had better let it alone; and a glance from the head of the table confirmed the injunction. Mr. De Pilsen and his friends were nearly bursting with laughter, when, at last, the pipe was produced, and a thick cloud of smoke enveloped the two guests: but Jeremiah interrupted the merriment by saying again—“You laugh, Gentlemen, but I could soon cure you of that, and make you look as demure as grave-diggers: one word to my dog, and he clears the room as completely as if a hurricane were to sweep away the company; I need say seize only.”—Upon this, the animal actually resigned every other engagement, and, beginning the war-whoop, looked with great earnestness at his commander for further orders. The wags now declared that they were perfectly satisfied, and required no farther proof: but Jeremiah insisted on a little experiment, by way of joke. He pointed towards Mr. De Pilsen, whose elegant, embroidered waistcoat was in a moment torn to tatters, and who was half dead with fear, when the collegian released him, and said that there was no danger as long as he did not also say bite! This scene, served, however, as a signal for a general breaking-up; and Jeremiah rose like the others, without once imagining that the disturbance was occasioned by his joke. He found some difficulty in preserving his equilibrium, and entrusted himself to the guidance of two stout servants, who were appointed to lead him home; but who brought him, by mistake, to the Fox instead of the Sow. The waiter, who was not very sober himself, and more than half asleep, showed him to a bed-room, and wished him a good night.
Chapter 10th.--Fresk troubles.–About half-an-hour later came the lawful occupant of the room, who had likewise his full cargo, and threw himself on the bed in his clothes. This awoke Schnackenberger; but as he only felt a weight upon him, without knowing what it was, he recollected the large feather-bed, under which he had been sweating the preceding night, rolled the man up in the blanket, and threw both out of bed. The ejected person was sometime in disentangling himself; but as soon as he had succeeded, he made a most determined attack upon the intruder, and, being not quite so far gone, would probably have got the better of him, if friend Jupiter had not just arrived at the time: he had been detained in the neighbourhood of the larder by the smell of a venison-pie, with which he found an opportunity of regaling himself; but as soon as he had dispatched that business, he followed his master, and saved him from an awkward predicament. The ensuing noise set the whole house in an uproar, and the various inhabitants made their appearance in every description of night-dress and attitude, forming the most picturesque groups. In the mean time the smuggled lodger would have been turned out by the landlord, if the word of command to Jupiter had not produced such an effect as to put such a measure altogether out of the question.
Chapter 11th.—Slighted love aims at revenge.—When Mr. Shnackenberger opened his eyes the next morning, at about half-past ten o’clock, he found the landlady of the Golden Sow sitting in his room, and before he could get out of his bed, he heard himself addressed as follows:—“So, so, my fine gentleman, you are a pretty person to be received and taken care off by an honest widow.” “Well, what is the matter? old woman,” said Jeremiah.—“Old woman, indeed! if I am a few years older than some people, I am also somewhat more discreet: how dare you insult me in that manner? you base betrayer.” “The poor creature has surely been bit by a Tarantula. I ask once more, what do you want? speak out, that I may know it.” “Speak! ay, that I will: I will scream it out so loud that it may be heard throughout the town, and that every body may be upon their guard against you; you cruel, unfeeling monster! You come first riding into my room, like a fool; and I am good enough to pardon it; to bring you meat and drink myself, and to keep you company all evening: in the midst of the night I am called up for your sake; and you are the cause of a fire which consumes one half of my inn: I say not a word about it, and do every thing in my power to cheer you up. You seem to be thankful; and I open all my stores to fit you out for the assembly. You put the marriage-shirt of my late poor dear innocent husband upon your wicked body, and so you set off, leaving me your voracious dog, to spoil all my provisions, and to kill all my rabbits and geese: at last the beast follows you, but you bring it back again, and return to your fine ladies, who persuade you to go to another inn.” “This is the first word I have heard of it, said the student, rubbing his eyes, and looking around him; according to this account I am no longer in your house?” “Oh! mighty well, pretend to be innocent and to clear yourself; but I’ll get satisfaction, I warrant you.” “My good friends,” said Jeremiah to a couple of waiters who had come up in the mean time to listen to the altercation, “my good friends, if such is the case, pray rid me with all possible dispatch of this brute.” “What?” cried Mrs. Liquorice, putting herself in a position of defence, ​“turn me out!” But a few unguarded expressions against the Fox, and all its inmates, decided the wavering attendants, and the lady was actually bundled out with the utmost expedition. She vented the rest of her fury in the middle of the street, to the no small amusement of the bystanders; and she finally betook herself to the habitation of a well-known pettifogging attorney.
The Collegian inquired into the particulars of what had happened during the night; and when he understood that a gentleman had actually been wronged by him, he repaired immediately to his apartment, to ask his pardon, and to offer every reparation in his power. This done, he perceived to his utmost consteration that it was already eleven o’clock, whilst he had an invitation to the Mount, for nine: he was happy to hear that he could get a horse in the house, and ordered it to be saddled forthwith.
​Chapter 12th.—An accident.—Having cut his boots to pieces, Jeremiah was obliged to set off in shoes and silk stockings; and he did this with so much expedition that Jupiter was unable to follow. Enraged at so unusual a behaviour, the animal began to make such a noise that the rider was obliged to slacken his pace to avoid a fresh uproar. The journey was, therefore, continued very peaceably; and, after a little while, the Princess was actually discovered, in an open landau, with another lady and a gentleman. The heart of our hero began to beat with anxiety, for he had but a confused recollection of what had happened at supper, and he was anxious to know the extent of the mischief. He mustered up all the powers of his mind, in order to begin a neat speech; but the company in the carriage had no sooner perceived him, than their faces were turned, with marked displeasure, to the opposite side of the road, as if to avoid every communication; whilst Mr. De Pilson and his friends passed by in full gallop. A newly-painted turnpike alarmed, at the same time, the luckless adventurer’s horse; and, in his endeavours to pass, he got entangled with an old soldier’s wife, who had been fetching a fresh stock of brandy and other commodities, which the horse kicked into the mire. The virago attacked, thereupon, the traveller with such fury, and kept such fast hold of his coat, that Jupiter was obliged to tear it to pieces before he could free his master. The woman was, of course, indemnified beyond her demand, and the horse was led by the bridle; but it was a grievous thing, that the Princess and all the rest should have witnessed the scene—and yet that was the melancholy truth; for the cries of the Amazon had been heard at a great distance, and the whole party had stopped to see the issue of the contest. Jeremiah was more anxious than ever to come to an explanation, and to clear himself of the ridicule to which this new affair must have exposed him. He was determined to risk every thing for a tête-a-tête; but, for the present he could do nothing but return.
Chapter 13th. Fresh accidents.—Except the attention which was attracted to Jeremiah by his torn coat, he met with no disagreeable occurrence on his way home. A billet had been left at the Fox, with the following contents: “Excuse, if you can, the neglect you met with this morning, and be more punctual in the evening. I shall be at the play; and I will endeavour to get rid of my companions.”
This was glorious news; but there came also a messenger of evil in the shape of an attorney, who called on the part of Mrs. Liquorice, in order to obtain a final answer to her claims, and to insist upon Jeremiah’s declaring, in a legal manner, whether he intended to fulfil her just expectations, or to let the law have its course?
The student laughed in the ambassador’s face; but the latter continued very seriously and coolly. He said that his client could not have dreamt all the circumstances which she had stated, and that the giving up of her late husband’s marriage-shirt was in itself a proof of her having received positive declarations from its present wearer. At the same time, the gentleman presented a bill of the incurred expenses; stating, that no further mention should be made of the latter, in case of an accommodation on the main point. To avoid juridical interference, Mr. Schnackenberger declared, in his turn, that he would pay the enormous charges without dispute, if the hostess would sign a promise of resigning all other claims. The solicitor went to make the proposal; and the landlord of the Fox, who had been consulted on the occasion, gave it as his decided opinion, that it was by far the best way to get out of the scrape; and that his guest might think himself well off if the affair ended there; for nobody could come near the Sow without becoming a sufferer. The often-mentioned surtout had been sent back by a servant, who received in return the borrowed coat, and was commanded to give the best respects of the revived adventurer, including a delicate allusion to the next meeting; whilst an experienced taylor undertook the necessary reparation of his outward appearance.
Chapter 14th and 15th. A fur great coat, and its effects.—The knight of the thimble was not as good as his word; for, instead of bringing home the coat, he went to the play himself, without caring for Mr. Shnackenberger, who was now worse off than ever. The landlord and the principal waiters were likewise gone, and a poor, snivelling, little fellow, who kindly offered his Sunday-rigging, could not render him the service he wished; because the clothes were far too narrow and short. At last the waiter recollected a dealer in second-hand clothes, and set off for his dwelling; but he soon returned with the melancholy news that the man had gone to a neighbouring fair, and had left nothing at home but a huge fur great coat, for which he could not expect to find a customer at the present time of the year. “Never mind,” cried Jeremiah; “fetch me the fur coat, and I will wear it. It is impossible to struggle against fate.” The waiter represented, in vain, how the people would stare: he was despatched for the article, to which a round hat was added, in order to render the incognito more complete. For the same reason, it was also resolved that Jupiter should stay behind; and means were taken to secure him effectually.
The heat was most oppressive on that day, and the play-house likely to become very full; the people there assembled could, therefore, hardly believe their eyes, when they saw a man enter, who was dressed in an unusually heavy great coat, and who had drawn his hat over both ears, as if afraid of catching cold. The bench on which the figure had sat down was immediately evacuated, and so were other places in the neighbourhood; for the general idea was, that the creature had escaped from a mad-house, and its great bulk gave it a most formidable appearance. At last the manager ventured to address it, urged by the fear that his profits might be lessened, or the play disturbed through this circumstance. The cries of “turn him out” became at the same time pretty general, when suddenly three soldiers appeared to arrest the individual, by order of the police. Mr. Schnackenberger made no resistance, but felt rather relieved; because he hoped to find the means of providing himself with a more suitable dress which would enable him to return forthwith, and to appear with more advantage. He doubted not a moment of his being able to arrange every thing to his satisfaction as soon as he should state the case, such as it was; and he was not a little surprised at his been hurried along, among a noisy crowd of idlers, and conducted straight forward to the town’s prison, the door of which was turned and locked upon him before he could enter into any explanation. The jailor told him, for his greater comfort, that he would not be examined in a hurry, because the magistrate was better engaged for the evening, and the next day would be a holy-day, on which there was no court held. Jeremiah was very near knocking the man down; but he just recollected in time that this would not mend the matter.
Chapter 16th. Escape from Prison.—A fine moonlight night made confinement more irksome, and the prisoner shook in his rage the iron-bars of the window, when, to his great astonishment, they gave way, and remained in his hand. Apparently, one of his predecessors in the cell had thus prepared the way without having time to take advantage of his dexterity. Jeremiah hesitated not an ​instant to avail himself of the discovery; the height was not considerable, and, as soon as the sentinel turned round, he threw out his great-coat, jumped upon it, and stood on the parapet.
“Who goes there?” asked the sentinel.—“Nobody,” answered the fugitive.—“I must shoot,” rejoined the former.—“Do, if you can,” said the latter, shaking him by the breast, after having covered his face with fur. The trembling soldier fell on his knees, and begged for his life: he was a poor hair-dresser who had only entered into service very lately, in order to add something to his earnings.
The conqueror could scarcely refrain from laughing; but he granted the request of the vanquished soldier in exchange for his military coat, hat, and sword. He then hung the fur upon the poor man’s shoulders, put the round hat upon his head, and bid him to walk up and down, as if nothing had happened.
Chapter 17th. A Visit to the Burgomaster.—As the first magistrate lived in a very conspicuous part of the town, it was easy to find his dwelling. His housekeeper was quite alarmed at the unusual violence with which the bell was rung; and, when she perceived a town’s soldier at the door, she threatened him with exemplary punishment for his insolence.—“I come on business,” was the reply.—“No matter,” said the old woman, “Master is asleep, and business must sleep too until he awakes; that has always been the custom.”—“Well, but this time I must speak to him forthwith.”—“If you will, take all the responsibility upon yourself; but consider well what you are about: you eat corporation-bread, and it may be taken from you; that’s my business.”—“O, ho! very well.”—“I have given you fair warning; but come on.’—With these words she led the way to the great man’s room, and the appearance of the stranger excited quite as much wonder there as had been expressed before by the servant; but the Burgomaster stared still more when he perceived that the man was none of the chosen twelve, who constituted the military force of the town. Mr. Schnackenberger, however, allowed him not much time for consideration; he told him that he had been arrested without lawful cause, and that, having made his escape, he now wanted satisfaction.
“What! an escaped prisoner?” said the justice, trembling in every limb, and endeavouring to get near to the bell. “Stop,” said the visitor, who perceived his aim and witheld him, “I am the man in the fur coat; why have I been so shamefully treated?” After much shuffling and mutual misunderstanding, it came out, at last, that the unlucky fur had been described in a list of stolen goods, and that the magistrate had thought himself fully authorised to arrest the wearer of it. Jeremiah conceived, after this explanation, that his anxiety to conceal his face must have served to strengthen the suspicion against him: and he now only asked why a better [prison had not been assigned to him until after examination? But this was easily cleared up by the fact that the one in which he had been was the only one in the place. The collegian related now, in his turn, how he had become involved in this difficulty, and he offered to remain in the house until the next day: but the Burgomaster though it was better to let even a criminal escape than to break his promise by keeping a stranger. He very politely replied that he felt perfectly convinced of the gentleman’s innocence, and that he was very glad to have made his acquaintance; he even attended him down stairs himself.
Chapter 18th. Bad company.—The door of the Fox was still open; and there was light in Jeremiah’s room. He walked, therefore, up to it, without making any inquiries below. To his utmost surprise he was stopt at the threshhold, by two gigantic domestics, who spoke to him in a anguage which he did not understand; and, on his persisting in going forward, he felt himself suddenly lifted up and carried down stairs. Several people had joined those whom he had first seen; and, although he struggled with all his might, they succeeded in getting him out of the house, into a building of much smaller dimensions, in which he had every reason to wish rather for the stone image of his former inn, and more particularly for the pure air which he had enjoyed during his ride upon it.
He now exerted the power of his lungs to the utmost, and he had actually the satisfaction of hearing that several windows were opened, and that various people insisted on an inquiry into the cause of the disturbance; but unfortunately he heard also the waiter excuse himself from immediately complying with the request, under pretence of having lost the key to the yard. Jeremiah’s situation was shocking; he could neither stand upright nor stir: and he regretted his former prison, the more so, as it is certainly better to be alone than in bad company.
Chapter 19th. Better prospects.—It was near day- break when a drawling servant made his appearance to release the prisoner; he put a piece of gold into his hand, in order to indemnify him for what had passed, and to induce him to silence. “So, so,” said the sufferer; “you put your guests into the pig-stye, and you think to pacify them with a paltry piece of money.” “Good God!” exclaimed the man, “who could have imagined that it were you! You have been taken for an agent of the police, and treated accordingly.” The fact was, that a faro-bank had been kept during the night; and as the arrest of Mr. Schnackenberger had soon come to the ears of the landlord, he had not hesitated to give up the room to the gamblers, who paid a high price, and had their own set of foreign servants, so that neither he nor any of his people had need to go near them. The military appearance and demeanour of the student had left no doubt in the minds of the attendants as to the object of his visit, and they had, consequently, secured him until the company had dispersed. The apartment was now at his service, and he was just preparing for rest when he found the following note upon his pillow. “I suppose you have been waiting for me at the door of the theatre, but I was not able to shake off my party, without setting propriety at open defiance. There may be a better opportunity at to-morrow’s chace. Will you come as a spectator?” This was not only very well in itself, but it became doubly agreeable by the conviction which it afforded of his not having been discovered by the Princess as the man in the fur.
Chapter 20th. A good deed.—Jeremiah inquired whether the attorney of Mrs. Liquorice had not called again, and he was sorry to receive a negative answer; on the other hand he was very glad to get his coat early in the morning, and to find that it looked quite as well as could be expected. The corporal of the militia called at the same time, for the accoutrements of the hair-dresser, and gave to understand that the latter would smart for the transaction. This could not be allowed, and the burgomaster was waited upon for the second time. Preparations for the intended punishment were already in considerable forwardness; but Mr. Schnackenberger had them suspended, and he represented to his worship, that courage was not at the command of every one. The incensed gentleman would not listen to any expostulations; but when he was reminded of his own pusillanimity during the night, and when he was, moreover, told that an engraver at the University had a particular knack of producing good caricatures, he became a little more tractable, and acknowledged that man was but a frail creature. He engaged to acquit the barber, on condition of his not being mentioned to the engraver.
Chapter 21st. Jupiter again.—A confused noise wa heard at the moment of the above-named convention; and Jeremiah, on looking through the window, perceived a great multitude pursuing Jupiter with brick-bats and stones; he was just in the act of turning round upon his tormenters, when the voice of his master bid him to desist, and to appear in court; the crowd followed, and lodged heavy complaints against the quadruped. A couple of children were bleeding, and the coat of a respectable looking man was shockingly torn. It appeared, nevertheless, an examination, that the bipeds had been the aggressors; the fathor of the children had enticed the dog, by means of a piece of sausage, to draw a little waggon, and the animal had honestly endeavoured to earn the reward by galloping with all his might; but taking a rather short turn round a corner, the carriage had upset, and the children had hurt themselves: at this the man had become enraged, and offering to strike the dog, he had been soundly shaken until released by the mob. The magistrate told him to let in future other people’s dogs alone, and to be thankful, for the present, for having got off so well. The student was aware that the hint about the caricature had mainly assisted in giving this turn to the affair, and he intended to scold the waiter at the inn for his negligence; he learned, however, that the man was not much to blame, because the dog had, most unexpectedly, forced his way through the window of a lower room, which he now offered to barricade so firmly as to remove all apprehension of another escape.
Chapter 22d. Disappointments.—“Pray, are not you Mr. Schnackenberger?” asked a young man at the gate of the town, when the bearer of that name proceeded towards the forest; and, on receiving an affirmative answer, he said, in half a whisper, “At eleven o’clock, in the forest-house; but without mentioning any thing of what has passed. The addressed person recollected then to have seen the speaker’s face among the attendants at the ball-room: and, after having rewarded him in proportion to the importance of the news he imparted, he continued his road in high glee. Yet the nearer he came to the appointed place, the more he slackened his pace, in order to reflect on the import of the message with regard to what had passed: he thought, at last, that it could only relate to the torn coat, and he entered the court-yard, in which he perceived the carriage of the Princess among many other vehicles of various descriptions. A singularly-shaped old coach struck him as very tasteless: it was very substantially built and profusely gilt; but, instead of armorial bearings, the panels represented nothing but sausages, hams, and other objects of the like nature. He was musing on the oddity of the devices, whilst entering the travellers’ room; but there he immediately discovered the owner in the landlady of the Golden Sow, who was sitting by herself in all her glory: she had taken off her mourning-weeds, and she shone forth in a most conspicuous dress, which exhibited all the colours of the rainbow. He was very glad that the still-existing quarrel dispensed him from taking any notice of her; and he went out again to seek for the sole loadstone of his wishes. It was only half-past ten by the clock, and he felt comforted by the idea that he needed not to hurry himself, when, to his great vexation, he saw himself followed by Mrs. Liquorice, who held out her fat hand, in sign of reconciliation, and said, “We have been both rather hasty, Mr. Schnackenberger, and I have now learned that you got into the Fox by mistake: we will, by and by, ride home together, and then all may be well again.” The student replied, very drily, that he had nothing at all to do with her, but just to pay his bill and to get back his sword: but the lady seized him tenderly by the arm and asked, whether he found her person so absolutely repulsive as to forget at once his good resolutions, when the time was come for putting them into execution? “What resolutions? exclaimed he, with astonishment. “Nay, do not deny now that you have appointed me to come hither, and that you have you have yourself made the first offer for peace: nothing shall now separate us again; for, what Heaven joins”——Jeremiah stared: he looked alternately at the speaker and the spectators, who had assembled in the mean time to watch the progress of the affair: when suddenly the sentimental fair one threw her arms around his neck, and breathed the spirit by which she was animated into his astonished face. This was rather too much to be borne; and the young man’s patience was fairly worn out; he pushed the assailant with great violence among the bystanders, and bid her to seek for lovers whereever she liked, but to let him alone. The fury of the ​slighted widow became now greater than ever. She appealed to the audience to bear witness to the atrocious conduct of the gay deceiver, who had himself arranged the meeting, in order to settle every thing to their mutual satisfaction. A letter, which she produced at the same time seemed to confirm her depositions, and although the student denied that he had any knowledge of the writing, it availed him nothing, and the indignation against him became pretty general. Several travelling mechanics, and other people, thought it very wrong to abuse thus the good nature and credulity of a lone widow; and a stout butcher distinguished himself particularly by the warmth with which he took up the affair; he offered himself as formal champion to the offended beauty, and Jeremiah thought it advisable to withdraw from the unequal contest. He was fortunate enough to reach the thick part of the forest in safety, and without being pursued; but his feelings were of the most unpleasant description. He had perceived many of the court-attendants among the crowd; and Mr. De Pilsen, in particular, had not escaped his hasty glances: he was now fully convinced, that the whole scene had originated in a contrivance, and that the hostess must have been misled in the same manner as he had been taken in himself by the message of the lacquey at the gate of the town. He feared much that his pretended connexion with the hostess would come to the ears of the Princess, and his greatest wish was, that he might meet her during the chase, and so justify himself from so odious a charge.
​Chapter 23. In which the hero does not appear to advantage.—Jeremiah had been wandering during several hours to no purpose. The hunting party seemed to have withdrawn to another part of the forest; and he began to grow so weary and hungry, that he resolved to return to the forest-house, whatever might be the consequences; because his wants were of such a nature, that they could not be trifled with any longer. One of them became, indeed, so pressing, that, rejecting the distant hostelry altogether, he resolved to satisfy it there and then; but as, notwithstanding the universally acknowledged exigency of such cases, decency required retirement, he cast his eyes about in all directions, and, having ascertained that there was no human creature within sight, he did what he could not help. Yet before he could recover his usual attitude and appearance, he heard the sound of horns at no great distance, and, almost at the same time, the hounds were upon him: they had probably lost the track of their real game, and appeared to regard him as a welcome substitute; they formed a circle around him, and called for their commanders with loud and unanimous barking.
Jeremiah had several times been a hunting himself, and he knew that the dogs will do nothing but bark, as long as the boar remains quiet; but that they rush upon him the moment he offers to stir; consequently his life and limbs were at stake, and it behoved him to preserve the position he was in, although it was the more unpleasant, as one foot happened to stand in the midst of an ant’s-hill, the inhabitants of which were already creeping upon the disturber of their republic. In the mean time, the hunters had come up, and they called in the dogs as soon as their laughter would permit. Jeremiah still flattered himself that the Princess might not be amongst them, as with her mild disposition it was not likely that she should be a lover of this kind of sport; but the hunting party having been chiefly arranged on her account, she could not have avoided joining it, and the poor sufferer had the mortification to distinguish her otherwise so welcome voice, as she was giving the needful directions; and his grief became boundless when he understood that he was recognized, although he had used the precaution of shutting his own eyes from the very beginning of the scene.
The hunters and dogs withdrew at last, and Mr. Schnackenberger was left to enjoy the wished-for privacy; but he was now in no humour for it. His appetite had, indeed, completely forsaken him, and he had also forgotten his lassitude; but he was, nevertheless, resolved to go in search of a dwelling-house, because the ants were tormenting him in every part of his body, and he was under the absolute necessity of stripping. He had the good luck to fall in with the landlord of the Forest-house, and so far to move him by the exposition of his distressful circumstances, that he actually managed to smuggle him into a little room, where he might relieve himself. The place was snug and retired, yet not so much so but that he could hear the loud bursts of laughter which the returning hunters set up at his expense. He heard plainly that he was called the master of the sow, and that his riding upon the stone-image, his supposed connexion with Mrs. Liquorice, and his being taken by the hounds for a boar, were all mixed up in so ludicrous a manner by the company, that his belonging to the swinish multitude could scarcely be doubted by any body to whom the facts were thus represented.
Chapter 24th. Explanations.—Before the collegian ventured to emerge from his retirement, he learned, by a pretty loud conversation which took place in an adjoining room, that Mr. De Pilsen had been at the bottom of the tricks by which he had been deluded into a belief of the appointments to meet the Princess. One of the chamber-maids in the suite of the Princess had written the notes which deceived him, and a bribed male attendant had undertaken to play upon the feelings of the widowed hostess. The instigator of the intrigue boasted highly of his performance; and he stated, moreover, that he thought Jeremiah a mere poltroon, notwithstanding his warlike and Herculean outside; in consequence of which he invited all present to give him the meeting at the Fox, where he intended to give the fellow a complete dressing in the evening.
This information was very agreeable to the listener, who had already made up his mind to drop his claims to the heart of the Princess. He felt that after the scene in the forest nothing could possibly place him again in an advantageous light with her; her fancy would ever represent him to her in the unglorious attitude in which he had there presented himself; and even the finest protestations of eternal love and devotion could only produce involuntary fits of laughter. Convinced of this truth, he had already thought of the farewell letter which it would be necessary to write; and he quite rejoiced when he perceived that there was no occasion for such a measure.
The landlord of the forest-house gave him also another piece of comfort, by telling him that Mrs. Liquorice and the valiant butcher had come to such terms with each other as would secure him from the further amorous attacks of that lady.
Chapter 25th. Jupiter in danger.—A messenger from the corporation was in waiting for Mr. Schnackenberger, at the turnpike, in order to request his attendance at the Town-hall; where, for the first time, a full court was held on a holiday. The cause of this extraordinary proceeding was Jupiter. His howlings had been so intolerable at the inn, that the ostler had taken upon himself to give him his liberty, and this had no sooner been done than he ran directly towards the residence of the Princess. It has never been fully ascertained whether he did so in the hope of finding his master or merely for the sake of plunder: but chance would so have it that he got a sight of the same cat which he had previously pursued with so much eagerness; he renewed the chase forthwith; and a frightened female had but just time to receive grimalkin into her apron, and to retire with her charge into a room. This saved the cat; but it brought on the loss of semething infinitely more valuable, viz.—a trimming of lace, which the fille de chambre had been busy washing in milk in the anti-room, and which the voracious dog lapped up in no time. The Princess was highly incensed at this new and daring misdemeanour; and she had sent word to the magistrate, that she fully expected to be freed from such intrusions by the speedy removal of the animal.
The Burgomaster told his old acquaintance that the request was not only just in itself, but that, coming from such a quarter, it required immediate attention, and that it was absolutely necessary to take some steps to pacify her Highness. The student replied that the dog should not leave his side again, if he could get him within his call; and that he would remain answerable for any damage that might be done by him. The Justice, who had not yet recovered from his dread of being caricatured, was anxious to avoid falling out with the gentleman. He was just preparing a submissive reply to the request, in order to assuage the gathering storm, when a new blast made all his endeavours vain. The Recorder came bouncing into the room, and stated that the liver of the finest goose that had ever been hatched and reared in the town, from time immemorial, had just been fetched out of his own kitchen. It was to have been the chief ornament of a supper which he intended to give in honour of his lady’s birth-day: but, alas! the remorseless brute which had been introduced from foreign parts had seized and consumed it. He vowed vengeance on the perpetrator of the atrocious deed: and nothing would satisfy him but a formal declaration of outlawry, by which this enemy of public peace and comfort would be removed beyond the boundaries within twelve hours; and, after this period, it would be lawful in any individual to use such means, in just self-defence, as would lead to the ultimate destruction of the devourer.
The Recorder’s speech quite electrified the Council. The broken china, the torn cloths, the murdered rabbits, the swallowed lace, and all the various other encroachments upon domestic happiness, were so artfully brought forward in the discourse, that the Burgomaster was fairly outvoted: he entreated the student, with tears in his eyes, not to make him suffer for the obstinacy of his colleagues; and signed the verdict with a trembling hand.
Chapter 26th. Acme of misfortune.—Oppressed by the events of the day, Jeremiah looked out of his window, and the clouds of smoke which he blew forth from his mouth, seemed to indicate that something of vast importance was then passing through his head. Jupiter had but a short time to stop; his enemies were too numerous and powerful to leave any hope of alleviation of his fate; and the magistrates seemed to be in earnest, although they were not remarkable for energy on other occasions. The beadle was making his round with a drum, in order to proclaim, at every corner, the banishment which had been decreed against him. The assembled rabble received the news with shouts of approbation: but at that very moment the quadruped made an attack on a listening cake-merchant, and scattered the contents of his baskets on the ground. The proprietor cried “Murder!” and Schnackenberger lost patience himself. “Woe unto thee,” he exclaimed, throwing his pipe at the animal, and then he hastened down stairs. He rushed out of the house in a great passion; but dog and mob were gone: he found only his pipe under the window, his fine and valuable pipe, the pride of the University, and the object of general envy; which had been so long and so carefully wrapped up in silk handkerchiefs, that pipe he found smashed to atoms! oh cruel! cruel!
​Chapter 27th. Settling with Mr. De Pilsen.—The cake-seller was not long absent: he soon returned, to call for the payment of his merchandise, and to request some indemnification for the terror he had undergone. Both were immediately granted by the student, and he then went to the coffee-room of the inn, where he took an earthen pipe from the shelf, and sat down in a corner to smoke and reflect again. If Jupiter should come to any misfortune, what would be the consequence? and how would his friend Fabian Sebastian like it? The nearer the fatal stipulated term approached, the more this required to be taken into consideration; and all the probably impending consequences had never struck him so forcibly before. His train of thoughts, and the cloudy atmosphere, of his own creation, had made him entirely forget that he was in a public room, and in the midst of a numerous company: but the whispering and tittering around him increased so much, that at last it attracted his attention, the more so as he thought he heard the voice of the arch-fiend De Pilsen. The latter had actually been long amusing the guests at the expense of the student; and, taking his inactivity for cowardice, he became at last so bold, that he threw out a kind of indirect challenge, by placing a chair in the middle of the room, with a great noise, and sitting down upon it with the declaration, that he was quite in a fighting mood, and that he ardently wished somebody would give him an opportunity of taking a little exercise: at the same time he directed his quizzing-glass in so striking a manner towards the smoker, that his meaning could not possibly be mistaken. It appeared, however, as if Jeremiah Schnackenberger had lost hearing and seeing: he finished his pipe without altering even a muscle in his face; and when he finally arose, the spectators thought that he had enough, and that his exit would give them an opportunity of indulging in the loud laughter which they had so long contained; when they saw him, to their great surprise, stop before Mr. De Pilsen, and, very quietly, knock his pipe against the challenger’s nose, until every particle of the accumulated ashes had fallen to the ground. The sufferer had become pale and speechless during the operation: but when it was over, and nothing further seemed likely to follow, he plucked up his spirit, and ran after the operator with open arms, exclaiming, “Well, I declare you are the very man I want; we are quite made for each other, and must be friends.”—“Enough, fellow, never dare to call me your friend again; and if ever you should feel inclined to amuse yourself and friends with choice anecdotes, do not forget to mention at whose nose I have cleared my pipe.” Thus the hero departed, and the bursts of laughter became quite as loud as they had anticipated, with the remarkable difference, that they were set up at the expense of Mr. De Pilsen, who immediately left the room, and was never more heard of.
Chapter 28th.—A duel.—Jeremiah had but just reached his own room again, when he heard the sound of such boots and spurs as only he himself and his most intimate friends used to wear. The door opened, and in came Mr. Fabian Sebastian, to whom the horse-dealer had betrayed the excursion of his fellow-collegian. “Brother,” he said, “the time is expired, where is the dog? I bring the money with me.” Mr. Schnackenberger shrugged his shoulders. “That won’t do, brother; you have been wrong in taking my property out of my sight, and you are answerable for it.” “But,” said Jeremiah, “supposing the dog to be lost.” “Then we must fight until he comes back again. Here is your money.” “Well, let that alone for the present, and listen.” Fabian listened, but did not relish what was said; and he expressed his disapprobation so plainly, that a challenge ensued. This was forthwith accepted; but the purchaser insisted, once more, on the seller’s pocketing the money, because he would not have another man’s property on his conscience, not he. Jeremiah complied, at last, sent to the Golden Sow, in order to release his sword, by paying the bill; and as soon as it was brought, he girded his loins and set off with his companion. A convenient place was soon selected; but, when the swords were already drawn, Mr. Schnackenberge could not help remarking how unfortunate it was that two old and faithful friends should fall out about a worthless brute. “I assure thee, brother,” he said, “the beast brings nothing but mischief upon the owner, whosoever he may be.” “That is very possible,” replied Fabian Sebastian, “but as matters now stand we cannot decently avoid fighting.” “No more we can,” quoth Jeremiah, “so cut away, and you shall get as good as you give, I warrant you.” The swords were now actually set to work, and some strokes had been given and parried with equal skill, when Jupiter came suddenly through the hedge, and seized Mr. Fabian by the breast. Jeremiah dropped his weapon; and the contest was finished. The buyer and the seller now rivalled each other in generosity, by mutually offering to give up their claims; whilst Jupiter, catching a glance of a straggling hare, set off in pursuit of it: a shot fell nearly at the same time, and the reconciled friends ran to the spot with sad forebodings. Alas! their fears were but too well founded. Jupiter lay weltering in his blood. A gamekeeper had done the deed, and already withdrawn to his habitation, from the window of which he exhibited to the young men the printed game-laws, and the loaded guns of his assistants, against which the hangers of the strangers would stand but a poor chance. The advice was taken, and a speedy return to the inn was resolved upon.
Chapter 29th. Arrival at the University.—“Well, now!” cried Jeremiah, as he perceived the waiter, “bring us Champaign, Old Hock, and whatever else becomes a solemn occasion: we have a funeral to celebrate, and you see that we are well provided with the means.” So saying, he threw the purchase money on the table, and protested that he would not rise from it until every farthing of the sum was fairly spent. The more the friends drank, the more they became convinced that Jupiter’s death was a very happy event, not only for themselves and all their acquaintances, but even for the animal; because blows and other corrections had never been of any use to him, nor would they have been in future.
Their resolution to make merry with the amount in question was religiously fulfilled; and it was only after its literal completion that the young men thought of resuming their studies. Their safe arrival at their usual place of residence was heard with great joy by all the Philistines (tradespeople and other creditors) and some of them did not fail to pay their immediate respects to Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger, who addressed them in the following terms:—“My very good and worthy friends, I know you are a sensible set of people, who would rather walk quietly down stairs than fly out of the window, and I trust that you will pay due attention to what I have to communicate. My supplies from home arrived as expected, but a confounded bathing-place has swallowed the whole; and you must wait until the loss is repaired.”—The speaker’s reputation stood very high, and his auditors were so well persuaded of his integrity that they not only submitted to what they could not help, but that several among them offered to make the necessary advances to supply him until his affairs should be restored to perfect order. SPERANS.
Liverpool, February, 29, 1824.
The beginning of the 23d chapter is not exactly in unison with my own taste; although I have softened it down as much as circumstances and the connection of the story would permit. In the mean time, I do not see how it could be expunged without a great loss of effect and influence on the following scenes; nor am I aware that it could be replaced by any thing more comical: but I should have no objection to a little sacrifice in poin of ludicrousness, if means could be found to manage otherwise, without too great a weakening of the general plot. UT SUPRA.
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