# The She-Gallants/Act 4

ACT IV. Scene I.
Enter Frederick, Surrounded by His Sisters, viz. Diana, Melissa, Dorinda, and Miranda.
Dian.REad mine, they are all Blanks but mine.
Mel. I say, hers is a Blank. Read mine.
Dor. and Mir. They are all Blanks but mine.
Fred. What? are you all mad! give me your Notes in Peace and I'll read 'em, else I am gone.
All Women. Well then, here take 'em.
Fred. So: Let none interrupt me; but whose soever the lot is, let the rest be contented and Silent.
(opens a note and reads it.
Melissa is beauty—ful———
Mel. I told you so, I knew 'twas I, you need read no farther.
Fred. Good Sister, forbear.
Reads.) Dorinda is good humour———
Dor. That's I.
Fred. Patience.
Reads.) Miranda is Charming to admiration. But it is Diana that is adorable, and has my Heart.
Speaks.) Let none reply Diana's is the lot.
Mel. Diana's is a Cheat, a Counterfeit; he vow'd to me he cou'd not endure her.
Fred. We are to stand to what he has written. You may take back your notes, we need read no more.
Mel. I say, my Sifter Dy's, is all Forgery.
Dia. I say you are a confident Creature.
Fred. interposing. Sisters, this is misbecoming all modesty. Melissa, be satisfy'd! there are more Men besides Courtall.
Dor. Dear Brother, open the rest of our Notes for our common satisfaction; Courtall told me, all should be Blanks but mine.
​Mir. So he told me.
Fred. Any thing for peace. This Melissa I think is yours
Reads.) Diana is discreet—Dorinda, &c. Miranda, &c. (as before,) but Melissa only has my heart.
Speaks.) How Diana! is it true then, that yours was forg'd? Melissa, be happy, the lot is yours.
Dia. I say, 'tis she has forg'd, and not I. Let me tear her Eyes out for this trick.
Fred. No more, I entreat you—I suspect a trick; I'll read the rest.
(Reads the other two notes to himself.
How? Why in these he declares for Dorinda and Miranda: this is all a trick.
Dor. to Mir. Sister, I begin to suspect this Courtall. Let us be no more seen in this business.
Mir. to Dor. The Imprudence of my Sisters, may be an example for us to be wise.
Fred. 'Tis plain, Courtall has abus'd us all, but be you advis'd, and I'll be reveng'd? I love his Sister, but not above the Honour of my Family. I'll instantly find him out, and teach the young Impostor, what it is to play with the Reputation of Ladies, or fool with a man of Honour. Be at peace among your selves, and all shall be well. (Exeunt.
Enter Angelica and Constantia.
Ang. Victoria, Victoria, turn'd out of doors, quite discarded; ha, ha, ha. To have seen how he storm'd and Hector'd, 'twould have made thee die with Laughing, ha, ha, ha.
Cons. 'Twas most Heroically perform'd indeed.
Ang. He swore I must give him satisfaction, and by Heaven I am ready, when ever he dares demand it.
Cons. How! ready to fight with him! what, fight with a man?
Ang. Yes, Conquer him too; lay him groveling at my Feet, Panting, and not able to stir a Limb.
Cons. The Truth is, that may be done, but how will you lay your Widow Panting?
Ang. That indeed, is now my hardest task. And pray, ​how will you come of with your Virgins.
Cons. That's to be thought of too. I'll go consider on't. You are bound for other Adventures, and so good night.
(Exit Constantia.
Enter Sir Toby, Philabell, Women and Musick.
Sir Toby spying Ang. My little Cupid, turn'd wanderer of Darkness, A Night Rover, An Eve-dropper under his Mistress's Window: Nay then thou'rt in indeed; there's no such infallible sign of a Lover.
Phil. A Lover can no more go to bed, without easing his heart in sighs under his Mistress's Window, then without comforting it afterwards with a Bottle.
Sir Toby. Behold, Lover, to your sighs I have brought a Song, 't shall pass for thy Serenade, to my Lady Dorimen, Hey Myrmidons strike up.
SONG.
Sir Toby takes Angelica about the Neck and Kisses her.
Sir Toby singing). And a Kiss and a Glass be still going round.
Ang. Sir Toby, you Kiss in anothers wrong: all my kisses are bespoke for to Night. See what a dreadful challenge my Lady Dorimen put into my hand at parting.
Sir Toby reads.) You may Wonder at the confidence I have in you, upon so short an acquaintance. Think it not an effect of my easiness, but your own Merit. You will be welcome to Night at my own house at ten.
Ang. Ten is the lucky hour Sir Toby: if you have any thing to Command, speak, I must give the Signal.
(Knocks at the Door.
Enter Placket.
Plac. O, are you come; follow me, and be sure you make no noise.
Ang. I know how to behave my self upon these occasions.
Plac. 'Tis not the first time you have practis'd.
Sir Toby. Nor you neither, good Mrs. Placket; you both know your Trades.
Plac. Are you there, then we shall never have done. Come, come your ways.(Exeunt Ang. and Plac.
Phil. These young Smock-fac'd fellows, Sir Toby, carry all before 'em. Brave Warriours and Men of Sense, Besiege ten years in vain, the Beast prevails in a night.
Sir Toby. The truth is, Women have deprav'd Appetites; but here's my comfort still— (Embracing a Wench.
Pox of Quality—Give me an obedient Jade, without forms of Ceremonies. Hark ye Colonel these are most of 'em my own Flesh and Blood, begotten by my Iniquity, and bred up for my Iniquity. The Great Turk has not a better Seraglio.
Phil. Not such a Seraglio indeed.
Sir Toby. But why loiter we here? yonder's a Tavern, what sayest thou, Lad, to a quart of Canary before we sleep—Hey! Cats Guts strike up. Jenny, Gipsy, Judith—yee Jezebels follow me all.
Sings.) Our Joys are Immortal, &c.(Exeunt Musick playing.
SCENE of a Bed-chamber.
Lady Dorimen in her Night-dress, and Angelica.
La. Dor. I blush exceedingly, to see my self alone with a Man; for tho' your coming is upon an innocent account, yet there is room for a Scandalous interpretation: but I hope you are too civil a Gentleman to take the Advantage of being alone with a Lady in her Bed-chamber.
Ang. Let my Transports express———
La. Dor. O fie, methinks you're very forward: who could have imagin'd it from one so young.
Ang. Pardon me, Madam, if too much eagerness to express the sense of your favours———
La. Dor. Frighten me so no more. And on that condition I give you leave to sit down by me.
(Takes Angelica by the Hand.
Ang. Ah, Madam—you squeeze my hand too hard.
La. Dor. You are so tender.
Ang. You are so killing, the least touch goes to the Soul. What a Complexion! What Eyes!
L. Dor. Don't you look so upon me; I never lookt so ill in my life. I hate you should look upon me so—I am quite out of order to night.
Ang. You never were so Charming.
L. Dor. You are the strangest Man.
Ang. Pray, Madam, give me leave to see———
L. Dor. See! Pray what wou'd you see?
Ang. Your Neck, Madam, that I may vindicate you from the Aspersions of the World, that says it is not of the same Complexion with your face.
L. Dor. The World is a Malitious ill-natur'd impertinent World.
Ang. And you the most invincible temptation in it. Am I Flesh and Blood—am I a Man Madam———
​L. Dor. I vow, Sir, I can't tell. But I hope you mean to be Civil.
Ang. repeats.)
But since you will have it so, I must submit. I may perhaps, have been too far transported, but I hope your Ladiship's goodness, will excuse the violence of a Passion that was not to be with-held.
L. Dor. I must needs say, any one in your place would have offer'd as much, and perhaps more: for who cou'd have imagin'd, that such an Assignation was contriv'd for nothing but a little discourse? besides, 'tis natural enough to suspect, that all this great care that I have taken to forbid, was meant only to mind you of what else you might be too backward to undertake: and I know it to be a Maxim among Men, that Women are angry to be always obey'd, and that our first refusals are necessary to decency, and proceed only from a little Customary formality, and not from any real dis-like. But you, I perceive, are none of those—
Ang. Who I? Heav'ns forbid—
(Removes her Chair farther off, Lady Dorimen following.
L. Dor. The Men, I say, of this age, for the most part, are bold and undertaking, in the Tête à Tête, as they call it, and when the Chambermaid's sent away, and a Bed in the Room, they think they may venture on any thing.
Angelica continues to get farther off, Lady Dorimen gets closer and closer.
Ang. Excuse me, Madam, you shall find me none of those impudent intruders, of whom you complain. I must needs condemn the forwardness of those men, who are still encroaching upon the modesty of the Ladies: and would not for the World offend against the respect that is due to you.
L. Dor. I only say 'tis the way of most Men. But I am convinc'd you are none of those.
Ang. Heavens forbid, Madam, that I should be any thing that were displeasing to your Ladiship.
L. Dor. aside. Provoking Ignorance! What shall I do to ​be understood? I have thought of a way—
(Falls lack in her Chair, as going into a Swoon.
Oh I feel a sudden swimming in my Eyes, and trembling in my Limbs, it comes all over me, Help, help, help, Oh, oh.
Ang. I'll run and call for help.
(Lady Dorimen takes fast hold of her.
L. Dor. Call no body, you may do it your self; Oh, oh! you may do it your self.
Ang. (aside. What the Devil does she mean———
L. Dor. Oh, oh.
Ang. Let me go, Madam, and call your Maid, for some cold Water to sprinkle in your Face.
L. Dor. No, do you sprinkle me, do you sprinkle me.
Ang. So I would with all my Heart, but I have nothing to do it withal—(calls) Mrs. Placket, Mrs. Placket, help, your Lady's in a Fit.
Lady Dorimen rises in a Passion, letting go her hold, enter Placket.
L. Dor. Ungrateful Man! Such insolence is unpardonable, Flesh and Blood can never forgive it.
Plack. Wicked Man! what have you been doing to my Lady?
Ang. I have been doing nothing to my Lady, she has been in a fit.
Plack. Poor Lady; how out of Breath, she is—I say, what have you Committed?
Ang. I say, I have Omitted—and that's it.
Bellamour's Voice within.
Bell. (within.) Where is Lucinda? I will see her—I will not be deny'd———
Ang. As I live, Bellamour's Voice—O save me, if he finds me here, I am Sacrific'd—Pity Madam, my Youth, and forgive my Ignorance—all shall be mended.
L. Dor. I pity you indeed. Run Placket, and stop Mr. Bellamour—carry him up the back-way to my Neece, and let her be sure to see him, that the Passage be clear———
​Ang. Preserve me to Night from the Fury of this incen'st Man: To morrow we may repair the time that has been lost.
L. Dor. Which we might not have lost neither—but we have been both to blame.
Ang. To Morrow all shall be mended.
L. Dor. Shall it indeed?
Ang. Upon Condition, that this Bellamour comes here no more; I thought you had forbid him your House.
L. Dor. All Men you see don't mind us when we forbid. I promise you after this Night he shall never more be admitted; my Neice shall sooner couple with a Vulture or a Bear. This interruption is new Guilt.
Ang. That is all I ask.
L. Dor. Remember then to Morrow.
Ang. By this Kiss. (Kisses her Hand.) (Exit Angelica.
Re-enter Placket.
L. Dor. Placket, are the other Gentlemen here?
Plack. They were here, Madam: And I thought I had lockt 'em up safe, but when I went to lock just now, I found the Lock of the Closet Door broke, and they were gone.
L. Dor. Curst Disappointments.
Plack. The Chaplain, Madam, is not yet gone to Bed.
L. Dor. Tell him I must have Prayers presently, and bring him into my Closet; and d'ye hear, lay the Books on the Table.
Plack. That is, the Cups and the Bottle of Orange-flow'r Brandy. (Exeunt.
Enter Lucinda and Bellamour.
Lucind. Now the Angry Fit is over, you are come to beg Pardon; this is the Trick of you Men: You Quarrel on purpose to try, whether our Fondness is great enough, to excuse the Insolencies of your Passion, and then think to Lord it as you please.
​Bell. You mistake, Madam; I come not to beg Pardon, but to take my leave: Yes, ungrateful Woman, but one last look, and then we part, never to behold each ether more; let cringing Fools and base born Slaves, continue their Officiousness to thole who neglect 'em: A brave Man scorns it.
Lucin. You have free Liberty to depart, and will leave no aking Hearts behind you.
Bell. 'Tis false, I know my Resolution vexes you, how'ere you'd strive to Conceal it. There is never a Dissembling ill-natur'd Woman of you all, but is vext at the loss of a Lover, tho' 'tis one she hates; all are necessary for your Vanity, and your Pride, though but some are pickt for your Pleasures. But by Heaven, I scorn the Office, nor will be ty'd like a Slave to the Chariot, while others ride in it in Triumph.
Luc. Speak softly.
Bell. Would I could speak louder yet, that Heaven and Earth might witness to your Perjury. Yes, Lucinda, when I am again your Fool, may all the Town Laugh at me, as well as you: May I be Hooted and Pointed at for a Monster, and which would be the greatest, greatest Plague, may you Marry me, and bring forth a Bastard the next Day.
Lucin. In return to your obliging Oath, hear mine. If ever I Pardon your Ill-manner'd Outragious Carriage to Day, may I be the most Wretched, and most Infamous of Women; may all the Villanous Slanders of thy Tongue be believ'd of me; and for my Eternal Perdition, may my Ill Fate condemn me to such a Brute, as thee for my Husband.
Bell. Agreed: And therefore that I may preserve nothing which might give me the least feint remembrance of you—here, take back your Picture—this representation in little of so Faithless an Original———
(Gazes on the Picture, e'er he delivers it.
How beautiful it looks! Ah! Lucinda, Lucinda, were but thy Soul Celestial as its Frame—but that is false, a Course Deceitful dawbing, no real, but a Painted Joy, like this.
Lucin. Ha, ha, ha.
Bell. Then here is another Encouragement—the Only one indeed, that I have under your Hand—here 'tis—
​Reads. You swear you love me, Ah Bellamour! if I have not as yet an equal Passion for you, believe me, I am pleas'd with yours.
These were Deceits that merit this! (Tears the Paper.
Lucy. (aside) I am glad to see it torn, 'twas cue only Proof he had to mow against me, that I had ever any Inclination to receive his Love.
Bell. And now no more but this; O Lucinda! False, Ungrateful Lucinda, farewel forever! (Is going, then returns.
Lucin. A very fair Riddance—why do you come back?
Bell. But one word more Lucinda! Ah Lucinda! Call but to mind your former Vows, then see if your Heart can hold up to its point, and still be fixt, tho' knowing how 't has wrong'd me.
Lucin. What froward Fools are Men? Still they perplex us with ungrounded Jealousies, and affront us with vile Aspersions; yet know us at the same time, to be their Judges, and that by our Sentence 'tis, they Live or Die. No, Bellamour, after your Rude Behaviour to Day, never must you more expect the least appearance of Kindness from me; there is no trusting for a Husband, a Man who makes so unruly a Lover.
Bell. You wrong me, Madam, by all that's good, you do.
Lucin. No more, Mr. Bellamour, I'll hear no more upon this Subject. Return to your first Allegiance, you have wrong'd an Innocent Lady; think not that I'll be any longer accessary to your Perjury.
Sir John Aery, and Vaunter within.
Aery. (within.) Demm'e, Madam, where are you?
Vaunter. (within.) Here are Lights, and a Door open.
They Enter.
Sir J. Aery. Beged Madam, 'tis very unconscionable to send for Gentlemen, and then make 'em wait Three Hours in the Dark.
Lucin. Insolent Fellow, who sent for you! And how got you in?
​Sir J. Aery. Insolent Fellow? Demm'e, methinks she begins to be very familiar already.
Bell. You sent for them, they tell you; and I beg Pardon for having so long detain'd you from the Company you expected. Vile Woman, my resentment is now turn'd to Pity, and I blush at this Infamous Confirmation of your Wickedness.
Lucin. I rather beleive 'em Companions of your own, brought hither on purpose to put some new affront upon me.
Sir. J. Aery. No, Demm'e Madam, if any thing should have brought us but your own Commands.
Vaun. Nothing, beged, Madam, but your Commands, and our own Inclinations.
Lucin. My Commands! Impudent Rascal—Mr. Bellamour, this is a part below the Character of a Man of Honour; neither am I so destitute of Friends, but you may be call'd to a severe Account for it.
Bell. I doubt not but you have Bully's at Command as well as Fools; cunning Devil! This Disguise is too affected; Thus Women always turn Accusers, when they want an Excuse.
Sir J. Aery. Hark Vaunter, Gedemme, we should not have own'd before Bellamour, that we were sent for.
Vaun. True beged—but I'll let all right. The Truth is, Madam Bellamour did bid us meet him here.
Bell. I bid you come———
Sir J. Aery. Ay, Geddem me!
Vaun. Yes, Beged.
Bell. Rascals, your Tongues shall be Cut out for so damn'd a Lye.
Sir J. Aery. O Law, O Law; no, you did not bid us.
Vaun. No, no, you did not bid us.
Bell. Who sent for you?
Sir J. Aery. O Law, no body, no body, sent for us.
Vaun. We came—beged we don't know how.
Bell. Speak the Truth, as you value your Lives.
Lucin. Speak the Truth, or it shall be Rack's out of you.
Sir J. Aery. What would you have a Man say? If we speak ​the Truth, we offend the Lady; if we Lye, Gedem m'e you'll mince us, and what the Devil shall one do?
Bell. If he speaks the Truth, he tells you 'twill offend you; Devils! Devils! What are Women? You can tell best, they are so like you.
Faun. O Aery, this is the Darn'd Bawdy House that e'er I came in, in my Life.
Lucin. Who's within there—call up the Servants—I will make Examples of these Fellows, or know the Truth.
Bell. Give not your self unnecessary trouble; when I am gone, all will be well, their Confession will but add to your Guilt. Confounded Woman! (aside.) O Angelica, my broken Vows to thee are well Reveng'd. Farewel false Lucinda, I am asham'd of my past weakness, for one so Wicked.
Lucin. (holds him.) Stay Bellamour, you shall not go till I am justify'd of this Inhuman Imputation, that you would fix upon me—
Bell. Nay, Madam, you mull not hold me—I leave you to your Fools, and will be one no more.v(breaks from her and Exit.
Vaun. Is he gone? Madam are you sure he's gone?
(Lucinda walks about in a Passion.
Sir J. Aery. 'Tis well for him he is—Demm'e, had he stayd a minute longer, I'de have minc'd him.
Vaun. Dear Madam, why this Passion now? 'tis true, 'twould have vext any one to lose so much time thro' a Fellows Impertinence: but beged you may be as free now as you please, here's no body here, but Dear Jack Aery, and he and I are all one.
Sir J. Aery. 'Tis true. Madam, here's no body here, but Dear Vaunter, and He and I are one Soul in two Bodies.
Lucin. Apes and Monkeys.
Vaun. Be pleas'd Madam, to dispatch us, for I have promis'd to play at Ramp to Night, with some Ladies, and I would not beged disappoint the Ladies for the World.
Lucin. Whose within there—whose within?
Enter Placket and Servant.
Plack. Lord, Madam, what's the matter?
Lucin. How got these Fellows into the House?
Plack. Lord, Madam, how should I know. (aside.) as I live, the strayes that I had Pounded in my Ladies Closet.
Lunin. Let the Doors be better lookt to another time; and let the Footmen tye these Fools Neck and Heels, till they discover upon what Errant they came hither.
Vaun. O Law, O Law, rather let your Footmen show us the way down Stairs, and if you ever ketch me in your House again, may I be damn'd.
Sir J. Aery. Ay, if ever you ketch me in your House again, Ged demm'e.
Lucin. I say, let them be ty'd Neck and Heels—carry 'em away. (The Servants lay hold of 'em.
Sir J. Aery. O Dear Vaunter! What will become of us.
Vaun. What curst unmerciful Croccadels are these Women. (Exeunt carryed out.
Lucin. Take the Candles, and light to my Dressing-room. I have this Comfort under Bellamour's Jealousy of these Fools whom I hate, that Philabell whom I Love, will be less suspected.
(Exeunt.