# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3829/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
Enver Pasha, in a proclamation to the Turkish troops, says: "The army will destroy all our enemies with the aid of Allah and the assistance of the Prophet." It is rumoured that the Kaiser is a little bit piqued about it.
We learn from a German paper that, since the brave Ottomans have discovered that their Culture and that of the Germans are one, many Englishmen who live in Crescents are crying out in fury for an alteration of their addresses.
According to a Berlin journal, about 2,000 players of orchestral instruments have been thrown out of employment by the war. It is suggested that, with a view to providing them more employment, reverses as well as victories should be musically celebrated in the capital.
We are glad to see that the names of battles in Belgium show a tendency to become more cheery. The other day, for instance, we had the battle of the Yperlee—and we muay yet have a battle of Yip-i-yaddy-i-yay.
It is rumoured that a compromise has been arrived at in regard to the proposal, emanating from America, that the war shall be stopped for twenty-four hours on Christmas Day. The combatants, it is said, have agreed to fire plum-puddings instead of cannon-balls.
Among the promotions which we do not remember seeing gazetted is that of Karl Gustav Ernst, a German barber-spy. At the Old Bailey, the other day, Mr. Justice Coleridge promoted him to be a Steinhauer or stone-hacker.
   "'MIRACLE' PRODUCER KILLED."
   Daily Chronicle.
This is unfortunate for the Germans, for if ever they needed a miracle it is now.
"Information that has come into our possession," says The Grocer, "proves to our satisfaction that Germany has been receiving plentiful supplies of tea from our shores through neutral countries since the outbreak of hostilities." The italics are ours: the satisfaction appears to be our contemporary's.
A cynic sends us a tip for the recruiting department of our army. "Why go for the single man?" he asks. "We may expect just as much courage from the married man. He has already proved his pluck."
   "HOW DE WET ESCAPED. A MISSING LINK IN THE CORDON.
   Observer.
The Germans, who have already been calling the Allied forces "The Menagerie," should appreciate this item.
Angry newspaper men are now calling a certain institution the Suppress Bureau.
A solicitor having announced that he is prepared to make the wills of the men of a certain regiment free of charge, another enterprising legal gentleman, not be be outdone, would like it to known that he is willing to act as residuary legatee without a fee.
In his interesting sketch, in The Times, of the Prince of Wales' career at the University the President of Magdalen mentions that His Royal Highness "shot at various country houses round Oxford." We hope that this will not be quoted against the Prince by a spiteful German Press, should any bullet marks be found one day on the walls of some castle on the Rhine.
It came as quite an unpleasant surprise to many persons to learn from Mr. Asquith that the War is costing us a million pounds a day, that being more than some of us spend in a year.