# Book of Etiquette/Volume 2/Part 4/Chapter 7

CHAPTER VII
TRAVEL ETIQUETTE
THE RESTLESS URGE OF TRAVEL
Man is essentially a restless being. Ever since the world began, men and women have found themselves growing impatient, eager for new scenes, new faces, new experiences. First they packed up their few belongings and moved by foot to another place a few miles away. Then they took down their tents and put them up in some other place. Soon we find them building houses, and at different periods moving to other houses. Gradually, through the ages, as man's desire for wider experiences and a wider radius for travel and exploration developed, the horse-drawn carriage appeared, then the steamboat, then the locomotive, the surface car, the subway, the auto-mobile and airplane.
Diogenes with his lantern could not find an honest man, and he would have just as difficult a task to-day to find a man, woman or child who does not love to travel. Everyone likes to see new scenes, meet new people, enjoy new experiences; and the easiest way to accomplish this is through traveling.
THE CUSTOMS OF COUNTRIES
In America, where almost everyone is something of a tourist, the etiquette of travel must not be neglected. And ​it is particularly important that the customs of foreign countries be respected, especially now that the world is becoming one great family and intercourse among the nations is increasing every day.
Somehow, we Americans feel that there is no other country in the world quite as wonderful as our dear United States. There is, of course, no reason why we should not believe this; but it is bad form and poor judgment to show by action and speech in other countries that you believe it. The man or woman who affects a supercilious disdain of all foreign countries and their forms and customs, is not impressing the natives with his vast superiority, but is really convincing them that he or she is an ill-bred simpleton. And even our beloved America is hardly perfect enough to warrant a great deal of boasting.
In traveling abroad, every national prejudice, every custom of every little town or village, should be observed as nearly as possible. "When in Rome do as the Romans do" is the truest courtesy that can be observed by those who travel. Well-bred and polite people conform to native customs no matter how strange they may appear. And they do it gracefully, with a smile of friendliness rather than one of disdain.
In her book "Fear and Conventionality," Elsie Parsons relates an incident during her visit to Tokyo. She and her companions were the guests of Japan. As they were on their way to the station, the natives stole up furtively and placed cards in their carriages. Realizing that it must be some native custom, the occupants of the carriages merely smiled and allowed the cards to remain. Perhaps if they had been haughty individuals they might have scowled at the seeming intrusion, thrown aside the cards, and won the everlasting hate of the natives not ​only for themselves but for all future American tourists. For one ill-bred traveler makes it hard for the next people who pass along the same route, however courteous they may be. The best way to make a pleasant journey is to adapt oneself graciously and courteously to varying circumstances and conditions.
THE TRAVELER'S WARDROBE
It is not wise to overburden oneself with numerous clothes when traveling. Wardrobes can always be replenished if the necessity arises, in other countries, and there is really no need to impede one's journey with numerous trunks and handbags that must be constantly checked, looked after and traced. Many people have journeyed happily all over Europe with only a suit case or two.
Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. A dark, tailored suit with light blouses is in excellent taste, especially when worn with a small dark turban or toque. In her wardrobe should be simple, but smart frocks for the afternoon, an evening gown, numerous fresh blouses and perhaps a sport outfit or two. An abundant supply of fresh undergarments is essential, but even these can be bought during the trip if the supply does not hold out. Remember that it is a wise rule to take too little rather than too much. An experienced traveler can usually be distinguished by the small amount of luggage he carries.
The wardrobe of the gentleman traveling should also be as small as possible. Of course the number of suits and the quantity of linen he takes with him depends upon the length of his trip and the social activities he expects to indulge in.
​If the trip is to be one of long duration the porter will provide a paper bag in which the hat may be placed. On a trip of this kind it is permissible to make oneself at ease by removing hat and wraps and leaning against a pillow which the porter will furnish upon request.
IN THE TRAIN
An ill-bred person is always known by his selfishness and discourtesy in the train. He will claim more service and comfort than he is entitled to. He will scold the attendants and make himself generally a nuisance. He will encroach upon the rights of others, assume an air of importance, and make himself conspicuous by his actions and manners.
When in the train, be as solicitous of the passenger's comforts as you would be of your dearest friend's, if he or she were traveling with you. Do not keep your window open if you know that it is causing discomfort to others. Do not spread your hand-luggage into the aisles where other passengers will be likely to trip over it. It is good nature, courtesy and an affable adaptation to unexpected circumstances that mark the lady and gentleman in traveling.
If someone opens a window that places you in a draught or exposes you to flying cinders or other discomforts, it is permissible to request politely that the window be lowered again. The courteous man or woman will do so immediately without impatience or annoyance.
All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless, excitable, ​fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct himself.
It should be remembered that the railroad train is a public place, and therefore it is not correct to discuss family affairs or converse loudly about people who are absent while you are traveling on it. This habit of talking about people who are absent is most uncivil. How often do we overhear conversations in which some unfortunate man or woman is "picked to pieces" by inconsiderate friends or acquaintances who mean no harm and bear no malice but having nothing else to talk about, choose their friend as the subject of their conversation. It is unkind, and it is certainly bad form.
IN THE SLEEPING CAR
In traveling on the sleeping car the person who has the lower berth is entitled to the seat facing forward while the one with the upper berth has the seat facing backward. If a lady was unable to procure a lower berth and the gentleman beneath her offers to exchange she may at discretion accept the offer.
When one is ready to go to bed he rings for the porter to prepare the berth. In crowded trains it may be some time before this can be done and the owner of the berth must be patient until his turn comes. It is courteous to consult one's seat mate before asking to have the beds made for the night, and if one wishes to go to bed early because of fatigue or slight illness, he may politely beg of his partner to allow him to do so.
​The person who is to spend the night on the train should provide himself with a dressing gown, a traveling toilette case containing the necessary accessories such as brushes, soap, tooth-paste, pins, etc. One may dress and undress in the regular dressing room but many people prefer to accomplish the greater part of their toilette in their berths. It is not permissible to take exclusive possession of the dressing-room or to spread one's belongings out so as to be in the way of the other travelers.
TRAIN COURTESY
A gentleman always steps aside to permit a woman to enter a train first. He does not rush ahead of her for a choice seat, nor does he open a window near her without having first requested and obtained her permission to do so.
Civility of the highest sort is possible when traveling in a train. One may be courteous to the gruff ticket-collector and polite to the bustling expressman. A "soft answer turneth away wrath"—and we usually find that a curt, peremptory order receives response that is no less curt; but a kind and courteous request invariably receives an immediate friendly response. "Thank you" is never superfluous, and it is only the exceedingly impolite man who fails to say it when some service, no matter how trivial, has been performed for him.
When a gentleman sees that a woman passenger is having difficulty in raising a window, he need feel no hesitancy in offering to assist her. However, the courtesy ends when the window has been raised; he resumes his seat and the incident is closed. It is incorrect for him to ​Attempt a conversation with her or to intrude upon her in any way. The gentleman should also offer his seat to a woman standing in an overcrowded train, or to a man very much older than himself. A man or woman carrying a child should never be permitted to remain standing.
A gentleman never allows a woman to feel incumbent upon him for monetary assistance. For instance, if a young and inexperienced woman is traveling alone and seems to be in doubt as to where she will be able to get something to eat, the gentleman may offer to send a porter to take her order. Or if no porter can be found, he may himself get her a sandwich and a glass of milk. But he must absolutely accept the money expended for these articles, otherwise the young woman will undoubtedly feel embarrassed.
THE WOMAN TRAVELER
Women travel about much more independently to-day than ever before. We find young and elderly women traveling across country for business purposes, for relaxation, and for pleasure. And though conventions are no less strict than they were twenty-five years ago, these women who travel are enjoying a much wider and more untrammeled freedom than their grandmothers ever enjoyed.
Women who have not had much experience in traveling, who are ignorant of the laws of good conduct while en route, are prone to expect a great many courtesies and much attention from the train officials and from the gentlemen passengers. Very often they make themselves appear rude and ill-bred by their assumed manner of haughtiness. It is the quiet, dignified manner that ​commands respect; not the exacting, fault-finding and imperious one that so many women like to affect.
The woman on a train should never sacrifice the comfort of the people around her for her own. It is exceedingly discourteous to insist upon having a window open, when you know that others around you object, even though they are all men. And it is just as discourteous to accept a seat that a gentleman has kindly relinquished, or to accept any other courtesy, without offering polite thanks.
It is bad form to get excited over every little thing that happens. A two-minute delay, a brief unexplained stop, is enough to make some women fret and fume.
The woman who travels alone should maintain a great deal of dignity and reserve. She should not make an acquaintance of any fellow-passengers of either sex, and she should not accept courtesies from anyone without cordial thanks. But beyond those few conventional words of thanks, there should be no conversation with a man or woman she does not know. And yet, when the journey is a very long one, lasting perhaps more than a day, what harm can it be for a woman to chat a bit about the scenery or the newest "best-seller" with the motherly looking woman beside her? Common-sense is often the better part of etiquette.
THE WOMAN WHO TRAVELS WITH AN ESCORT
When a man serves as escort to a woman who is traveling by train, he incurs all expenses. He buys her ticket at the station, attends to the checking and directing of her luggage, carries her hand-bags and sees that she is comfortably seated. He pays for all magazines and news​papers that she wishes and fees the porter that has helped her. He also buys and pays for all refreshments taken during the trip.
A lady invariably precedes her escort down the aisle of the train. She takes the inside seat and leaves the arranging of the luggage and wraps to the gentleman. He may, if he excuses himself, spend part of the trip in the smoking car, but it is exceedingly rude of him to leave the lady by herself throughout the trip. In fact, it is wise after the first few hours of travel, to leave the lady to her own devices for she may want to nap or to read a book. Even one's dearest friend, or one's favorite brother can become monotonous and tiresome after four or five hours of continuous conversation on a noisy train.
IN THE DINING-CAR
When a man meets a woman on a train, and after a brief conversation, invites her into the dining-car, she may assume that he wishes to be the host and that he would be offended if she refused to allow him to pay for her meal. However, the woman who travels alone must be extremely circumspect in her conduct, and she must not incur monetary obligations from men who are almost strangers to her.
For instance, if a man and woman who have met just once before and who are not really friends but slight acquaintances, find that they are traveling to the same place at the same time, they may for mutual pleasure's sake, elect to travel together. This is especially true when the journey is one of four or five hours' duration, when a bit of conversation would enliven the monotony of the trip. In this case, if both decide to go into the dining-room together, the woman must by no means allow the ​man to pay her bill. He may pay the tip, if he wishes, but he must accept the money that she offers him to pay for her share of the bill. A considerate woman will wait until they are back at their seats before venturing to reimburse her companion. It is better to have the waiter present separate bills. This does away with all awkwardness and embarrassment.
A gentleman who is escorting a lady on a trip should not be expected to pay for her meals on the train, unless there is only one and he feels that it would be a pleasure for him to serve as host on that occasion. But if the trip lasts several days, the woman should insist that she pay her own expenses. This is especially important if the escort is a friend and not a relative; she should by no means allow him to pay her bills.
CHILDREN ON THE TRAIN
Very often it is necessary for parents to travel with their children. The mother must see that her youngsters observe the most careful order while they are in the train and that they do not disturb the other passengers.
It is not very pleasant for young children to sit quietly for three or four hours, and the wise mother will see that they have something to amuse themselves with. A big picture book for the boy, a doll for the girl or some other equally interesting diversion will keep the child from becoming impatient and restless.
It is very wrong to permit children to race up and down the aisles, to climb over the backs of the seats, to play noisy games or in any other manner disturb the other passengers. Nor is it proper for them to eat continually, crumbling cake and dropping fruit stones upon the floor Of the train. Correct, well-bred little boys and girls will ​remain quietly seated in their places, watching the scenery or looking at the pictures in the book; and if they converse at all, it will be in a low tone that does not annoy the man Or woman in front who is reading. It is never too early to teach children the golden rule of courtesy and respect.
If a child is addressed by a kindly neighbor, he should answer politely; but he must not leave his place and go over to that neighbor to be flattered and indulged, and perhaps plied with sweets that will do him more harm than good. Courtesies extended children should be gratefully acknowledged both by the child himself and by his mother.
IN THE TAXI CAB
When one arrives at a station one usually has to summon a taxi to the hotel. It is hardly safe for a young woman traveling alone at night to ride in a taxi by herself especially if the ride is to be a long one. The best way to avoid it is for her if possible to time her trip so as to arrive in the day time. If this cannot be done she must perforce accept the alternative.
If a man and woman are traveling together he helps her in before getting in himself. At the end of the ride he first helps her out and then pays and tips the driver. Ten per cent. of the amount of the fare is the usual rate. Unless a man is acting as a woman's escort he should not pay her fare.
BON VOYAGE GIFTS
Many people like to send their friends bon voyage gifts of flowers, books, fruit or candy when they are going away. Steamer letters are always acceptable and if they ​are arranged in some novel way they may be most delightful. A series of letters or small packages, one to be opened each day, go a long way toward relieving the tedium of the journey. Similar gifts may be sent to friends who are going on a long railway trip. The address of packages sent to steamers should include the name of the vessel and of the line to which it belongs and the number of the pier.
ON BOARD THE SHIP
The only place where formal introductions are not necessary is at sea. Life on shipboard is more or less free from conventionality, fortunately, especially for those who are making the voyage alone. The days would be long and tedious if one refused to speak to any of the other passengers because they had not been formally presented. It is quite permissible, if one feels so inclined, to speak to the person whose steamer chair is near or to the people who share one's table in the ship's dining-room.
COURTESY ON THE SHIP
Although the barriers of social etiquette are let down on board the ship to the extent of permitting passengers to talk to one another without formal introductions, there is no excuse for lack of courtesy. The man or woman who encroaches upon the rights of other passengers, who is discourteous or rude, will undoubtedly be shunned and avoided by the others.
It is, for instance, very bad form to use someone else's pillow, deck-chair or book, without having first requested permission to do so. It is also impolite to speak in loud ​tones, or to read aloud, where it would disturb others who are trying to nap or to read. Noisy conduct of any kind is an evidence of ill-breeding, and it is only the extremely ill-bred people who will sit in little groups and discuss and comment upon each passenger on board the ship.
Passengers are never permitted to interfere with the mechanisms of the ship. Not only is it very incorrect to do so, but it may be criminal or unsafe. To inspect certain parts of the ship barred to all but employees is to risk one's own life and the lives of the other passengers. Remain in your stateroom or on deck, but do not wander into places where ship-ethics forbid you.
THE WOMAN CROSSING THE OCEAN
It is not usual for a woman to travel across the ocean alone. But very often a young woman correspondent or journalist, or perhaps a woman buyer for some large fashion establishment, finds that business takes her abroad. She need feel no hesitancy or embarrassment in attempting the trip, if she knows and understands all the little rules of good conduct that govern railroad, steamship and hotel etiquette.
The young lady who is alone, should be careful that she does not make haphazard acquaintances among the gentlemen on board the ship. It is much wiser for her to find companions among the women passengers, and later they will undoubtedly introduce her to their gentleman acquaintances. She must never allow a man whose acquaintance she made only on board the ship, to assume any of her expenses. Nor should she sit up on the deck after eleven o'clock with one of her new acquaintances. ​She must be extremely careful of her conduct, and she must not give anyone the opportunity to talk about her and comment upon the fact that she is traveling without a chaperon.
When there is a dance on board the ship, the woman who is traveling alone may accept an invitation to dance from a gentleman she has not formally met; but it is always wiser to find some excuse to avoid dancing with a man who is a total stranger.
A CONCERT AT SEA
Very often, as the sea voyage draws near an end, a concert or entertainment is held for the benefit of some special charity fund, or merely for the amusement of the passengers. All those who are accomplished in any way—who can sing, dance, recite or play a musical instrument, are expected to volunteer their services for the occasion. Those who are specially requested to do so, should consent amiably; it is very rude, indeed, to refuse without some very good reason.
The passenger who absents himself from the concert which all other passengers attend, is both impolite and ill-bred. Whether he cares to or not, he should attend for the sake of courtesy. And everyone should contribute to the fund if one is raised after the concert. Only a very selfish and unkind person will refuse to contribute to a fund of this kind.
AT THE JOURNEY'S END
In the excitement of reaching terra firma once again, a few people are inclined to forget the courtesies due the other passengers.
​A little while before the ship reaches the dock, cordial farewells should be made to all those with whom one has been friendly. Hand-shaking is in order, and a polite phrase, such as, "Good-by, Mrs. Jones, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you again," is most appropriate. If it is desired, an exchange of cards may accompany this leave-taking, especially if one really wishes to continue the friendship.
Farewells on board a ship should be brief but cordial. Long, sentimental farewells should never be indulged in for, at the most, they cause only sorrow at the parting of a brief friendship that may perhaps never be resumed. A warm handclasp, a sincere word or two of farewell—and it should be over.
AT HOTEL AND RESTAURANT
When arriving in a strange city, a traveler immediately asks to be driven to whatever hotel he has previously decided upon. Here he registers, using the same form that appears on his visiting card but adding to it the name of the city from which he has come.
The woman who is traveling alone does well to wire or phone ahead to the hotel and request that they reserve a room for her. While at the hotel, her conduct must be unimpeachable. She must not entertain masculine visitors in her private rooms, but only in the public reception room of the hotel. She must not return to the hotel after midnight, and she should not dine alone in the hotel dining-room after eight o'clock.
When a large party is to dine at a hotel, the table should be reserved and the dishes chosen in advance. This will save a great deal of confusion and waste of time. ​If the dinner is not arranged for in advance, the host or hostess should do all the ordering, subjecting it, of course, to the approval of the guests.
AT TEA-ROOM AND ROOF GARDEN
There seems to be something about a tea-room, whether it be at home or in some strange city or town, that is conducive to quiet and peacefulness. Loud talking and boisterous laughter is entirely out of place, and those who are guilty of indulging in these two improprieties condemn themselves as ill-bred.
At the tea-room the lady always retains her hat. Gloves are removed and wraps may either be slipped off the shoulders or completely removed. At the roof garden, hats are also worn, except in the evening when full evening dress is worn. Here also, it is important that a quiet reserve of manner characterize the lady and the gentleman. No amount of frivolity and gayety in the atmosphere of one's environment can excuse noisy, ill-mannered conduct.
TO THOSE WHO LOVE TO TRAVEL
Almost everyone enjoys traveling, but there are comparatively few people who really appreciate it. To those who love to travel, who find it an inspiration and a delight, the following bits of information may be of interest.
If you want to enjoy a trip to a foreign country—let us say France,—spend a week or two reading about the history and literature of that country. Make notes while you are reading, give your imagination full rein, and ​absorb just as much knowledge as you can of the habits and customs of the French people. The cultivation of the imagination is especially important; while you read about France, picture the tiny villages and big cities to yourself, try to visualize the people and their homes. And when you do arrive in France, you will find keen enjoyment in seeing the people and places that lived first in your imagination. We promise that you will enjoy your trip a great deal more than if you neglected to devote a little time to the reading up of the important facts about the country you intended to visit.
Another very good plan is to buy a French-and-English or a Spanish-and-English dictionary before or as soon as reaching those countries. Whether one knows the language or not, it is always safest to have one of these little volumes handy. They are absolutely indispensable to those who expect to travel in a country the language of which is entirely unknown to them.
Wise tourists carry a map of the countries they intend visiting. It saves them much time, and often prevents mistakes. These maps may be obtained of most reliable stationers, and they take up very little space. There are times, during the journey, when their help is well nigh invaluable; and a map is nearly always a safer guide than a native.
A camera is a splendid thing to have along on one's trips abroad. No matter how vivid an impression a certain scene makes upon one's mind, it is bound to fade with the passing of a year or so. But a clear snap-shot taken of that scene will keep it fresh indefinitely, for one needs only to glance at the picture to have all associations with the scene recalled. The latest cameras have a device for writing the date and name of the place on the ​negative, to be printed with the picture. It is most convenient for the tourist.
There are too many of us who rush through the world seeing nothing. We race through one country after another, hustling and bustling, feeling important and acting the part—and we feel that we have traveled. But that is not travel. True travel is when a man or woman visits a strange country and carries back with him, or her, to be remembered forever, impressions of the people and customs of that country—valuable impressions that make his or her life fuller, wider, more in sympathy with the great world of fellow-men. Better stay at home and read good books about foreign countries, than rush through them with unseeing eyes, merely to be able to tell those at home that you have "been abroad."