# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3809/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
Lord Brassey is said to be annoyed at the way in which his recent adventure at Kiel was exaggerated. He landed, it seems, on the mole of the Kaiser Dockyard, not noticing a warning to trespassers—and certain of our newspapers proceeded at once to make a mountain out of the mole.
Mr. Roosevelt's American physician, Dr. Alexander Lambert, has confirmed the advice of his European physicians that the Ex-President must have four months' rest and must keep out of politics absolutely for that period; and it is said that President Wilson is also of the opinion that the distinguished invalid owes it to his country to keep quiet for a time.
At the farewell banquet to Lord Gladstone members of the Labour Unions surrounded the hotel and booed loudly with a view to making the speeches inaudible. As the first serious attempt to protect diners from an orgy of oratory this incident deserves recording.
There appear to have been some amusing misfits in the distribution of prizes at the recent Midnight Ball. For example a young lady of pronounced sobriety, according to The Daily Chronicle, secured a case of whisky and went about asking if she could get it changed for perfume. Whisky is, of course, essentially a man's perfume.
There are One Woman Shows as well as One Man Shows in these days. An invitation to be present at a certain function in connection with a certain charitable institution announces:—
   "Athletic Sports and Distribution of Prizes by Lady ———."
Some surprise is being expressed in non-legal circles that the actress who lost the case which she brought against Sandow, Limited, for depicting her as wearing one of their corsets, did not apply for stays of execution.
Quite a number of our picture galleries are now closed, and it has been suggested that, with the idea of reconciling the public to this state of affairs, there shall be displayed conspicuously at the entrance to the buildings the reminder, "Ars est celare artem."
The Gentlewoman, by the way, which is publishing a series of articles entitled "Woman's Work at the 1914 Academy," omits to show us photos OF mR. Sargent's and Mr. Clausen's paintings after certain women had worked upon them.
The Admiralty dismisses as "a silly rumour" the sport that one of our new first-class destroyers is to be named The Suffragette.
In Mr. Stephen Phillips' play, The Sin of David, we are to see Cavaliers and Roundheads. This will be a welcome change, for in most the theatres nowadays one sees a preponderance of Deadheads.
The intrepid photographer again! The Illustrated London News advertises:—
General Booth and Mrs. Bramwell Booth
Once upon a time Red Indians used to kidnap Whites. Last week, Mrs. W. Bowman Cutter, a wealthy widow of seventy, living at Boston, Massachusetts, eloped with her 21-year-old Redskin chauffeur.
A memorial to a prize-fighter who was beaten by Tom Sayers was unveiled at Nottingham last week. Should this idea of doing honour to defeated British heroes spread to those of to-day our sculptors should have a busy time.
A visitor to Scarborough nearly lost his motor-car in the sands at Filey last week: it sank up to the bonnet and was washed by the sea before it was hauled to safety by four horses. Neptune is said to have been not a little annoyed at the car's escape, as he realises that his old chariot drawn by sea-horses is now sadly démodé.
A new organisation, called "The League of Wayfarers," has been formed. Its members apparently consist of "child policemen," who undertake to protect wild flowers. How it is going to be done we do not quite understand. Presumably, small boys will hide behind, say, dandelions, and emit a loud roar when anyone tries to pluck the tender plant.