# Preparation for death/XVIII. OF THE NUMBER OF SINS

CONSIDERATION XVIII
Of the Number of Sins
"Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil." Eccles. viii. 11.
First Point.
IF God were at once to chastise offences, He would not be insulted as He is now; but because the Lord delays His punishment, and waits, sinners take courage to further offend Him. We must understand, that though God waits and endures, He will not wait and suffer for ever. It is the opinion of many of the holy Fathers, that like as God has determined for each man the days of his life, the state of his health, the talents He wills to bestow upon him " Thou hast ordered all things in measure, number, and weight" (Wisd. xi. 21) so has He determined for each one, the number of sins which He will pardon, which, being fulfilled, He pardons no more. S. Augustine says, "We should remember that for a certain time the long-suffering of God bears with each one of us, but when this time is completed, no pardon is reserved for him." Eusebius of Caesarea also says that " God waits up to a certain number, and afterwards leaves the sinner."
This opinion of the Fathers is supported by Holy Scripture. In one place it says that the Lord delayed the ruin of the Amorites. " For the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full." (Gen. xv. 16.) In another, "I will no more have mercy upon the house of Israel." (Hos. i. 6.) Again, " Because all those ​men .... have tempted Me now these ten times ..... Surely they shall not see the land which I sware unto their fathers." (Num. xiv. 22, 23.) In another place Job says, " My transgression is sealed up in a bag." (Job xiv. 17.) Sinners keep no account of their sins, but God does, strictly, that He may punish when the harvest is ripe; that is, when the number is completed. "Put ye in the sickle, for the harvest is ripe." (Joel iii. 13.) Again, " Be not without fear about sin forgiven, and add not sin upon sin." (Ecclus. v. 5.) Which is as much as saying, Sinner, you should fear for the sins which have been forgiven you, for if you add another sin, it may be, that the new sin with those pardoned will complete the number, and then there will remain no more mercy for you; and this Holy Scripture plainly declares, " The Lord patiently expecteth, that when the day of judgment shall arrive, He may punish them in the fulness of their sins." (2 Mace. vi. 14.) So that God waits until the day in which the measure of sins is filled up, and then He punishes.
Of this delayed punishment, there are many examples in Holy Scripture, and especially in the case of Saul, who was forsaken by God for his last disobedience, and who prayed that Samuel would intercede for him, saying, " I pray thee, pardon my sin, and turn again with me, that I may worship the Lord." (i Sam. xv. 25.) But Samuel answered, " I will not return with thee: for thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord hath rejected thee." (Ib. xv. 26.)
There is also the example of Belshazzar, who, when he was feasting, prepared the vessels of the temple, and there saw a hand which wrote on the wall, " Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin." Daniel coming and explaining these words, said, amongst other things, " Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting." (Dan. v. 25-27.) He gave him to understand, that the weight of his sins had already weighed down the scale of Divine justice; in fact, that same night he was slain.
Oh, to how many miserable sinners does it not happen, that they live for many years in their sins, but when their number is filled up, they are seized by death and are sent to hell. " They spend their days in wealth, and in a moment go down to the grave." (Job xxi. 13.) Some apply themselves to searching ​out the number of the stars, the number of the angels, or the length of life which some have, but who can apply himself to searching out the number of sins which God will pardon in each of us? Therefore we should tremble. Who knows, my brother, that after that first unworthy gratification, that first allowed thought, that first sin which you may commit, God will ever pardon you?
Affections and Prayers.
Oh, my God, I thank Thee; how many, for less sins than mine are now in hell, and for them there is no more pardon or hope! Whilst I am still living, I am out of hell, and I have, if I desire it, the hope of pardon and of heaven. Yes, my God, I desire pardon. I repent, above every other sin, the having offended Thee, because I have offended Thy infinite Goodness. Eternal Father, " Look upon the face of Thine Anointed." (Ps. lxxxiv. 9.) Look upon that Son Who died upon that Cross for me; by His merits, have pity upon me. I promise to choose death rather than to offend Thee more. I may justly fear, thinking upon the sins that I have committed, and the graces which Thou hast bestowed upon me, that should I add another sin, my measure would be filled up, and I should be condemned. Oh, help me by Thy grace: from Thee I look for light and strength to be faithful to Thee, and if ever Thou seest that I should again offend Thee, let me die in this moment, in which I trust that I and in Thy grace. I love Thee, my God, above all things, and I fear more than death itself, to find myself again out of Thy grace; in mercy grant that this may never be.
Second Point.
The sinner says, "But God is merciful;" I answer, "Who denies it? The compassion of God is infinite, but in spite of all this mercy, how many are daily lost?" " He hath sent Me to bind up the broken-hearted." (Isa. lxi. i.) He heals those who have a right disposition. He pardons sin, but He cannot pardon the desire to sin. The sinner will answer, " I am young." You are young, but God counts sins and not years. And this ​assessment of sins is not the same for all: to some God pardons a hundred, to others a thousand sins; He casts another into hell after the second sin. How many has the Lord sent there after the first sin? When our Blessed Lord in the gospel had cursed the barren fig-tree, we are told that " presently the fig-tree withered away." (S. Matt. xxi. 19.) The Prophet tells us that the Lord said, " For three transgressions of Damascus, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof." (Amos i. 3.) Perhaps some presumptuous man may demand of God, why He wills to pardon three sins and not four? In this matter we must adore the Divine judgments, and say with the Apostle, " O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out." (Rom. xi. 33.)
S. Augustine says that " God knows well whom He may spare, and whom not. To whom mercy is given, it is granted as a favour; to whom it is not given, it is denied of justice."
The obstinate sinner will plead, " But I have so often offended God, and He has pardoned me, and therefore I trust that He will pardon this other sin." But I reply, And because God has not punished you as yet, will He ever thus spare you? No; He will fill up the measure, and He will punish you. Samson, continuing to wanton with Delilah, hoped nevertheless to liberate himself from the hands of the Philistines as he had done before. " I will go out, as at other times before, and shake myself." (Judg. xvi. 20.) But this last time he was taken, and lost his life. " Say not, I have sinned, and what harm hath befallen me? for the Most High is a patient rewarder." (Ecclus. v. 4.) That is to say, the time will come when He will repay all; and by how much greater has been this mercy, by so much greater will be this punishment. S. Chrysostom holds that God "is more to be feared when He bears with sin, than when He quickly punishes it; " " because," as S. Gregory says, " those whom He waits for a long time, He condemns the more heavily; and often those who have been borne with for a long time are suddenly snatched away by death, so that there was no time even to be converted before death." Especially since the greater has been the light which God has given, the greater ​will be the blindness and obstinacy in sin. S. Peter says, " For it were better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment." (2 S. Pet. ii. 21.) And S. Paul adds, " It is impossible (speaking morally) for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, .... if they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance." (Heb. vi. 4-6.)
Terrible, indeed, is it, what the Lord says against those who are deaf to His calls. " Because I have called, and ye refused; .... I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh." (Prov. i. 24-26.) Mark carefully these two words, "I also;" they signify that as the sinner has mocked God, confessing Him, promising, and afterwards ever betraying Him; so the Lord will mock at the hour of his death. Moreover, the Wise Man says: "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly." (Prov. xxvi. 11.) Denis explains this passage: " That as it is most abominable and disgusting to take again that which has been vomited, so is it to repeat sins which have been blotted out."
Affections and Prayers
Behold me, O my God, at Thy feet; I am that unclean being who has so often returned to feed upon that forbidden fruit which I at first hated. I do not deserve mercy, O my Redeemer; but the Blood which Thou hast shed for me, encourages me and allows me to hope for it. How often have I offended Thee, and Thou hast pardoned me! I have promised never to offend Thee again, and then I returned to the vomit, and Thou hast again pardoned me. Do I wait for Thee to send me direct to hell, or to give me over into the hand or my sin, which would be a heavier punishment than hell? No, my God, I will amend; and that I may be faithful to Thee, I put all my confidence in Thee; and when I am tempted, I will fly to Thee instantly and ever. In times past I have trusted in my promises and resolutions, and I have neglected to commend myself to Thee in temptation, and this has caused my ruin. Lord, from this day henceforth Thou shalt be my hope and my ​strength, and then shall I be able to do all things. " I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthened me." (Phil. iv. 13.) Give me, then, grace through Thy merits, O my Jesus, to commend myself ever to Thee, and to implore Thy help in my needs. I love Thee, O Highest Good, amiable above every good, and Thee only will I love; but give Thou help to me.
Third Point.
" My son, hast thou sinned? do so no more; but, for thy former sins, also pray that they may be forgiven Thee." (Ecclus. xxi. I.) Behold, O Christian, how that good Saviour advises you, since He desires your salvation, " My son, do not return to offend Me, but from this day henceforth be mindful to ask pardon for your sins." My brother, the more you have offended God, so much the more you ought to fear to offend Him further, since the other sin which you commit will sink the scale of Divine justice, and you will be condemned. I do not say positively, that after another sin there will be no more pardon for you, since I know not this; but I say that this can be so. Therefore, when you are tempted, say, "Who knows whether God will not further pardon me, and I shall be condemned? " Of your favour, tell me, if there were a likelihood that poison were in some food, would you take it? If with probability you believed that your enemies lay in wait in a certain road, would you go along that road, having another way more secure? And thus, what security, what probability even, have you, that if you again sin, you will afterwards have a true sorrow, and not return again to sin; or that in the act of sinning, God will not strike you dead, and that He will not abandon you after it?
O God, if you buy a house even, you take every care to obtain the legal securities, and not to waste your money; if you take medicine, you seek to be well assured that it cannot harm you; if you pass a stream, to seek to secure yourself from falling into it and yet for a wretched gratification, for an animal pleasure, you are willing to risk your eternal salvation; and you say, " I will repent of it tomorrow." And who promises you this tomorrow? S. Augustine says: " Do you hold fast to a day, who canst not ​hold an hour?" He who has promised pardon to the penitent, has not promised tomorrow to the sinner; He may give it, or He may not. If you sin now, perhaps God may give you a time for repentance, and perhaps He may not; and if He should not, what will become of you for all eternity? Meanwhile, for a wretched pleasure, truly you lose your soul, and run the risk of losing it for ever? Would you for a brief pleasure cast away all, money, houses, estates, liberty, and life? No. And how then, for that wretched pleasure, are you willing in a moment to lose all truly the soul, heaven, and God? Tell me, are these things true which faith teaches, or are they fables? Is there such a thing, as heaven, hell, eternity? Do you believe that if death should overtake you in a state of sin, you would be lost for ever? And what temerity, what madness is it, to condemn oneself to an eternity of pain, saying, " I trust to remedy it afterwards." S. Augustine says that " no one under the hope of being cured, desires to fall ill." No one is so mad as to take poison, and then to say, I am able afterwards to be cured by remedies; and do you choose to condemn yourself to an eternal death, saying, " Perhaps I may afterwards deliver myself from it?" O folly, which has cast, does still cast, so many souls into hell. According to the threat of the Lord, " Thou hast trusted in thy wickedness, .... therefore shall evil come upon thee; thou shalt not know whence it riseth." (Isa. xlvii. 10, 11.) Thou hast sinned, rashly confiding in the Divine mercy; the punishment will fall suddenly upon you, without your knowing whence it comes.
Affections and Prayers.
Behold, O Lord, one of those foolish ones, who in the hope of recovering it, has so often lost his soul and Thy grace. If Thou hadst caused me to die in that moment, or in that night, when I was in sin, what should have become of me? I thank Thy mercy which has waited for me, and which now makes me to know my folly. I see that Thou desirest my salvation, and I desire to be saved. I repent, O Infinite Goodness, of having so often turned away from Thee. I love Thee with my whole heart. I trust, O my Jesus, through the merits ​of Thy Passion, to be no longer so foolish. Pardon me quickly, and receive me into Thy grace, for I wish never more to leave Thee. "In Thee, O Lord, have I trusted; let me never be confounded." Oh no; I hope, O my Redeemer, never again to endure the disgrace and the confusion of finding myself deprived of Thy grace and of Thy love. Give me holy perseverance; and grant, that I may always ask it of Thee, and especially when tempted, calling for the aid of Thy holy name, saying, " My Jesus! help me; " for as long as I turn to Thee, I shall never be more overcome. If the temptation continues, grant to me that I may not forsake the perpetual calling upon Thee.