# Tales from the Arabic/The Third Officer’s Story

Second-level story, contained in El Melik ez Zahir Rukneddin Bibers el Bunducdari and the Sixteen Officers of Police
THE THIRD OFFICER’S STORY.
I was one day abroad on an occasion with certain of my comrades, and as we went along, we fell in with a company of women, as they were moons, and among them one, the tallest and handsomest of them. When I saw her and she saw me, she tarried behind her companions and waited for me, till I came up to her and bespoke her. Quoth she, “O my lord, (God favour thee!) I saw thee prolong thy looking on me and imagined that thou knewest me. If it be thus, vouchsafe me more knowledge of thee.” “By Allah,” answered I, “I know thee not, save that God the Most High hath cast the love of thee into my heart and the goodliness of thine attributes hath confounded me and that wherewith God hath gifted thee of those eyes that shoot with arrows; for thou hast captivated me.” And she rejoined, “By Allah, I feel the like of that which thou feelest; so that meseemeth I have known thee from childhood.”
Then said I, “A man cannot well accomplish all whereof he hath need in the market-places.” “Hast thou a house?” asked she. “No, by Allah,” answered I; “nor is this town my dwelling-place.” “By Allah,” rejoined she, “nor have I a place; but I will contrive for thee.” Then she went on before me and I followed her till she came to a lodging-house and said to the ​housekeeper, “Hast thou an empty chamber?” “Yes,” answered she; and my mistress said, “Give us the key.” So we took the key and going up to see the room, entered it; after which she went out to the housekeeper and [giving her a dirhem], said to her, “Take the key-money, for the room pleaseth us, and here is another dirhem for thy trouble. Go, fetch us a pitcher of water, so we may [refresh ourselves] and rest till the time of the noonday siesta pass and the heat decline, when the man will go and fetch the [household] stuff.” Therewith the housekeeper rejoiced and brought us a mat and two pitchers of water on a tray and a leather rug.
We abode thus till the setting-in of the time of mid-afternoon, when she said, “Needs must I wash before I go.” Quoth I, “Get water wherewithal we may wash,” and pulled out from my pocket about a score of dirhems, thinking to give them to her; but she said, “I seek refuge with God!” and brought out of her pocket a handful of silver, saying, “But for destiny and that God hath caused the love of thee fall into my heart, there had not happened that which hath happened.” Quoth I, “Take this in requital of that which thou hast spent;” and she said, “O my lord, by and by, whenas companionship is prolonged between us, thou wilt see if the like of me looketh unto money and gain or no.” Then she took a pitcher of water and going into the lavatory, ​washed and presently coming forth, prayed and craved pardon of God the Most High for that which she had done.
Now I had questioned her of her name and she answered, “My name is Rihaneh,” and described to me her dwelling-place. When I saw her make the ablution, I said in myself, “This woman doth on this wise, and shall I not do the like of her?” Then said I to her, “Belike thou wilt seek us another pitcher of water?” So she went out to the housekeeper and said to her, “Take this para and fetch us water therewith, so we may wash the flags withal.” Accordingly, the housekeeper brought two pitchers of water and I took one of them and giving her my clothes, entered the lavatory and washed.
When I had made an end of washing, I cried out, saying, “Harkye, my lady Rihaneh!” But none answered me. So I went out and found her not; and indeed she had taken my clothes and that which was therein of money, to wit, four hundred dirhems. Moreover, she had taken my turban and my handkerchief and I found not wherewithal to cover my nakedness; wherefore I suffered somewhat than which death is less grievous and abode looking about the place, so haply I might espy wherewithal to hide my shame. Then I sat a little and presently going up to the door, smote upon it; whereupon up came the housekeeper and I said to her, “O my sister, what hath God done with the woman who was ​here?” Quoth she, “She came down but now and said, ‘I am going to cover the boys with the clothes and I have left him sleeping. If he awake, tell him not to stir till the clothes come to him.’” Then said I, “O my sister, secrets are [safe] with the worthy and the freeborn. By Allah, this woman is not my wife, nor ever in my life have I seen her before this day!” And I recounted to her the whole affair and begged her to cover me, informing her that I was discovered of the privities.
She laughed and cried out to the women of the house, saying, “Ho, Fatimeh! Ho, Khedijeh! Ho, Herifeh! Ho, Senineh!” Whereupon all those who were in the place of women and neighbours flocked to me and fell a-laughing at me and saying, “O blockhead, what ailed thee to meddle with gallantry?” Then one of them came and looked in my face and laughed, and another said, “By Allah, thou mightest have known that she lied, from the time she said she loved thee and was enamoured of thee? What is there in thee to love?” And a third said, “This is an old man without understanding.” And they vied with each other in making mock of me, what while I suffered sore chagrin.
However, after awhile, one of the women took pity on me and brought me a rag of thin stuff and cast it on me. With this I covered my privities, and no more, and abode awhile thus. Then said I in myself, “The husbands of these women will presently gather together on me and I shall be disgraced.” So I went out by another door of the house, and young and old crowded about me, running after me and saying, “A madman! A ​madman!” till I came to my house and knocked at the door; whereupon out came my wife and seeing me naked, tall, bareheaded, cried out and ran in again, saying, “This is a madman, a Satan!” But, when she and my family knew me, they rejoiced and said to me, “What aileth thee?” I told them that thieves had taken my clothes and stripped me and had been like to kill me; and when I told them that they would have killed me, they praised God the Most High and gave me joy of my safety. So consider the craft of this woman and this device that she practised upon me, for all my pretensions to sleight and quickwittedness.’
* ↑ Lit. “the douceur of the key,” i.e. the gratuity which it is customary to give to the porter or portress on hiring a house or lodging. Cf. the French denier à Dieu, Old English “God’s penny.”
* ↑ i.e. made the complete ablution prescribed by the Muslim law after copulation.
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