# Aristophanes (Collins)/Chapter 9

CHAPTER IX.
PLUTUS.
The comedy which takes its name from the god of riches is a lively satire on the avarice and corruption which was a notorious feature of Athenian society, as it has been of other states, modern as well as ancient, when luxury and self-indulgence have created those artificial wants which are the danger of civilisation. The literal points of the satire are, of course, distinctly Athenian; but the moral is of no exclusive date or locality.
Chremylus—a country gentleman, or rather yeoman, living somewhere close to the city of Athens—has found, in his experience of life, that mere virtue and honesty are not the best policy; at any rate, not the policy which pays. He has made a visit, therefore, to the oracle of Apollo, to consult that authority as to how he shall bring up his only son; whether he shall train him in the honest and simple courses which were those of his forefathers, or have him initiated in the wicked but more profitable ways of the world, as the world is now. He is, in fact, the Strepsiades of ​'The Clouds,' only that he is a more unwilling disciple in the new school of unrighteousness. The answer given him by the god is, that he must accost the first person he meets on quitting the temple, and persuade or compel him to accompany him home to his house.
Chremylus appears on the stage accompanied by his slave Cario,—a clever rascal, the earliest classical type which has come down to us of the Davus with whom we become so familiar in Roman comedy, and the Leporello and Scapin, and their numerous progeny of lying valets and sharp servants, impudent but useful, who occupy the modern stage. They have encountered the stranger, and are following him; he is in rags, and he turns out to be blind. With some difficulty, and not without threats of beating, they get him to disclose his name: it is Plutus, the god of wealth himself. But how, then, in the name of wonder, does he appear in this wretched plight? He has just escaped, he tells them, from the house of a miser (who is satirised by name, with all the liberty of a satirist to whom actions for libel were unknown), where he has had a miserable time of it. And how, they ask, came he to be blind?
Pl. Jove wrought me this, out of ill-will to men. For in my younger days I threatened still T would betake me to the good and wise And upright only; so he made me blind, That I should not discern them from the knaves. Such grudge bears he to worth and honesty. Chr. Yet surely 'tis the worthy and the honest
Alone who pay him sacrifice? Pl. I know 'tis so. ​Chr. Go to, now, friend: suppose you had your sight As heretofore—say, wouldst thenceforth avoid All knaves and rascals? Pl. Yea, I swear I would. Chr. And seek the honest? Pl. Ay, and gladly too, For 'tis a long time since I saw their faces. Chr. No marvel—I have eyes, and cannot see them.
Plutus is very unwilling to accompany Ms new friend home, though Chremylus assures him that he is a man of unusual probity. "All men say that," is the god's reply; "but the moment they get hold of me, their probity goes to the winds." Besides, he is afraid of Jove. Chremylus cries out against him for a coward. "Would the sovereignty of Jove be worth three farthings' purchase, but for him? What do men offer prayer and sacrifice to Jove himself for, but for money? Money is the true ruler, alike of gods and men. "I myself," puts in Cario, "should not now be another gentleman's property, as I am, but for the fact of my master here having a little more money than I had." All arts and handicrafts, all inventions good or evil, have this one source—both master and man (for Cario is very forward in giving his opinion) agree in protesting; while the god listens to what he declares is, to his simpler mind, a new revelation:—
Car. Is't not your fault the Persian grows so proud? Chr. Do not men go to Parliament through you? Car. Who swells the navy estimates, but you? Chr. Who subsidises foreigners, but you? Car. For want of you our friend there goes to jail. ​Chr. Why are bad novels written, but for you? Car. That league with Egypt, was it not through you? Chr. And Lais loves that lout—and all for you! Car. And our new admiral's tower— Chr. (impatiently to Cario). May fall, I trust, Upon your noisy head!—But in brief, my friend, Are not all things that are done done for you? For, good or bad, you are alone the cause. Ay, and in war, that side is safe to win Into whose scale you throw the golden weight. Pl. Am I indeed so potent as all this? Chr. Yea, by great heaven, and very much more than this, Since none hath ever had his fill of you: Of all things else there comes satiety; We tire of Love— Car. Of loaves— Chr. Of music— Car. Sweetmeats— Chr. Of honour— Car. Cheesecakes— Chr. Valour— Car. Of dried figs— Chr. Ambition— Car. Biscuit— Chr. High command— Car. Pea-soup. Chr. Of you alone is no man filled too full.
Still Plutus follows his guides unwillingly. His experiences as the guest of men have not hitherto been pleasant:—
Pl. If I perchance took lodging with a miser, He digs me a hole i' the earth, and buries me; And if some honest friend shall come to him, And ask the loan of me, by way of help, ​He swears him out he never saw my face. Or, if I quarter with your man of pleasure, He wastes me on his dice and courtesans, And forthwith turns me naked on the street. Chr. Because you never had the luck, as yet, To light upon a moderate man—like me. I love economy, look ye—no man more; Then again, I know how to spend, in season. But let's indoors: I long to introduce My wife, and only son, whom I do love Best in this world—next to yourself, I should say.
So Plutus goes home with his new host, and Cario is forthwith sent to call together the friends and acquaintances of his master from the neighbouring farms to rejoice with them at the arrival of this blessed guest. These form the Chorus of the comedy. They enter with dance and song, and are welcomed heartily by Chremylus, with some apology for taking them away from their business,—but the occasion is exceptional. They protest against any apology being required. If they can bear the crush and wrangle of the law-courts, day after day, for their poor dole of threepence as jurymen, they are not going to let Plutus slip through their hands for a trifle. Following more leisurely in the rear of the common rush,—perhaps as a person of more importance,—comes in a neighbour, Blepsidemus, whose name and character is something equivalent to that of "Mr Facing-both-ways" in Bunyan's allegory. He has heard that Chremylus has become suddenly rich, and is most of all surprised that in such an event he should think of sending for his old friends,—a very unusual proceeding, as he observes, ​in modern society. Chremylus, however, informs his friend that the report is true; at least, that he is in a fair way to become rich, but that there is, as yet, some little risk in the matter:—
If all go right, I'm a made man for ever; But,—if we slip—we're ruined past redemption.
Blepsidemus thinks he sees the state of the case. This sudden wealth, this fear of possible disaster,—the man has robbed a temple, or something of that kind, it is evident; and he tells him so. In vain does Chremylus protest his innocence. Blepsidemus will not believe him, and regards him with pious horror:—
Alack that in this world there is no honesty, But every man is a mere slave to pelf! Chr. Heaven help the man!—has he gone mad on a sudden? Bl. (looking at Chremylus, and half aside). What a sad change from his old honest ways! Chr. You've lost your wits, sirrah, by all that's good! Bl. And his eyes quail—he dares not meet my look— For damning guilt stands written in his face! Chr. Ha! now I see! you take me for a thief, And would go shares, then, would ye? Bl. (eagerly). Shares? in what? Chr. Stuff! don't be a fool! 'tis quite another matter. Bl. (in a whisper). Not a mere larceny then, but—robbery? Chr. (getting angry). I say, no. Bl. (confidentially). Hark ye, old friend—for a mere trifle, look you, I'll undertake, before this gets abroad, To hush it up, — I'll bribe the prosecutors.
Chremylus has great difficulty in making his ​conscientious friend understand the real position—that he has Wealth in person come to be his guest, and means to keep him, if possible. But the god is blind at present, and the first thing to be done is to get him restored to sight. "Blind! is he really?" says Blepsidemus; "then no wonder he never found his way to my house!" They agree that the best means to effect a cure is to make him pass the night in the temple of Æsculapius; and this they are proceeding to arrange, when they are interrupted by the appearance of a very ill-looking lady. It is Poverty, who comes to put a stop, if it may be, to a revolution which threatens to banish her altogether from Athens. Chremylus fails to recognise her, in spite of a long practical acquaintanceship. Blepsidemus at first thinks she must be one of the Furies out of the tragedy repertory, by her grim visage and squalid habit. But the moment he learns who his friend's visitor really is, he takes to flight at once—as is the way of the world—scared at her very appearance. He is persuaded, however, to return and listen to what the goddess has to say. She proceeds to explain the great mistake that will be made for the true interest of the citizens, if she be really banished from the city. For she it is who is their real benefactor, as she assures them, and not Wealth. All the real blessings of mankind come from the hand of Poverty. This Chremylus will by no means admit. It is possible that Wealth may have done some harm heretofore by inadvertence; but if this blessed guest can once recover his sight, then will he for the future visit only the upright and the ​virtuous; and so will all men—as soon as virtue and honesty become the only introduction to Wealth—be very sure to practise them. Poverty continues to argue the point in the presence of the Chorus of rustic neighbours, who now come on the stage, and naturally take a very warm interest in the question. She contends that were it not for the stimulus which she continually applies, the work of the world would stand still. No man would learn or exercise any trade or calling. There would be neither smith, nor shipwright, nor tailor, nor shoemaker, nor wheelwright—nay, there would be none either to plough or sow, if all alike were rich. "Nonsense," interposes Chremylus, "the slaves would do it." But there would be no slaves, the goddess reminds him, if there were no Poverty. It is Wealth, on the other hand, that gives men the gout, makes them corpulent and thick-legged, wheezy and pursy; "while I," says Poverty, "make them strong and wiry, with waists like wasps—ay, and with stings for their enemies.""Look at your popular leaders" (for the satirist never spares the demagogues)—"so long as they continue poor, they are honest enough; but when once they have grown rich at the public expense, they betray the public interest." Chremylus confesses that here, at least, she speaks no more than the truth. But if such are the advantages which Poverty brings, he has a very natural (question to ask—
How comes it then that all men flee thy face? Pov. Because I make men better.
But her pleading is in vain. "Away with your ​rhetoric," says Chremylus; "our ears are deaf to all such arguments." He uses almost the very words of Sir Hudibras—
"He who complies against his will, Is of his own opinion still."
And an unanimous sentence of expulsion is passed against the unpopular deity, while Plutus is sent, under the escort of Cario, with bed and bedding, to take up his quarters for the night in the temple of Æsculapius, there to invoke the healing power which can restore his sight.
An interval of time unusually long for the Athenian drama is supposed to elapse between this and what we may call the second act of the comedy—the break in the action having been most probably marked by a chant from the Chorus, which has not, however, come down to us in the manuscripts. The scene reopens with the return of Cario from the temple on the morning following.
The resort to Æsculapius has been entirely successful. But Aristophanes does not miss the opportunity of sharp satire upon the gross materialities of the popular creed and the tricks of priestcraft. Cario informs his mistress and the Chorus, who come to inquire the result, that the god has performed the cure in person—going round the beds of the patients, who lay there awaiting his visit, for all the world like a modern hospital surgeon, making his diagnosis of each ​case, with an assistant following him with pestle and mortar and portable medicine-chest. Plutus had been cured almost instantaneously—quicker, as the narrator impudently tells his mistress, than she could toss off half-a-dozen glasses of wine. But one Neoclides, who had come there on the same errand (though, blind as he was, observes Cario, not the sharpest-sighted of them all could match him in stealing), fares very differently at the hands of the god of medicine; for Æsculapius applies to his eyes a lotion of garlic and vinegar, which makes him roar with pain, and leaves him blinder than ever. Another secret of the temple, too, the cunning varlet has seen, while he was pretending to be asleep like the rest. He saw the priests go round quietly, after the lamps were put out, and eat all the cakes and fruit brought by the patients as offerings to the god. He took the liberty, he says—"thinking it must be a very holy practice"—of following their example, and so got possession of a pudding which an old lady, one of the patients, had placed carefully by her bedside for her supper, and on which he had set his heart when first he saw it. His mistress is shocked at such profanity.
Unhallowed varlet! didst not fear the god? Cario. Marry did I, and sorely—lest his godship Should get the start of me, and grab the dish. But the old lady, when she heard me coming, Put her hand out; and so I gave a hiss, And bit her gently; 'twas the Holy Snake, She thought, and pulled her hand in, and lay still.
But the mistress of the house is too delighted with ​the good news which Cario has brought to chide him very severely for his irreverence. She orders her maids at once to prepare a banquet for the return of this blessed guest, who presently reappears, attended by Chremylus and a troop of friends. Plutus salutes his new home in a burlesque of the high vein of tragedy:—
All hail! thou first, O bright and blessed sun, And thou, fair plain, where awful Pallas dwells, And this Cecropian land, henceforth mine home! I blush to mind me of my past estate— Of the vile herd with whom I long consorted; While those who had been worthy of my friendship I, poor blind wretch! unwittingly passed by. But now the wrong I did will I undo, And show henceforth to all mankind, that sore Against my will I kept bad company.
[Enter Chremylus, surrounded and followed by a crowd of congratulating friends, whom he thrusts aside right and left.]
Chr. To the devil with you all—d'ye hear, good people! Why, what a plague friends are on these occasions! One hatches them in swarms, when one gets money. They nudge my sides, and pat me on the back, And smother me with tokens of affection; Men bow to me I never saw before; And all the pompous dawdlers in the Square Find me the very centre of attraction!
Even his wife is unusually affectionate; and the welcome guest is ushered into the house with choral dance and song—highly burlesque, no doubt; but both are lost to us, and such losses are not always to be regretted.
​The scene which follows introduces Cario in a state of great contentment with the new order of things. It is possible that, as in 'The Knights,' there was an entire change of scenery as well as of dresses at this point of the performance; that the ancient country grange has been transmuted into a grand modern mansion, with all the appliances of wealth and luxury. At all events, Cario (who from a rustic slave has now become quite a "gentleman's gentleman") informs the Chorus, who listen to him open-mouthed, that such has been the result of entertaining Plutus.
Cario (stroking himself). Oh what a blessed thing, good friends, is riches! And with no toil or trouble of our own! Lo, there is store of all good things within, Yea, heaped upon us—yet we've cheated no one! Our meal-chest's brimming with the finest boltings, The cellar's stocked with wine—of such a bouquet! And every pot and pan in the house is heaped With gold and silver—it's a sight to see! The well runs oil—the very mustard-pot Has nothing but myrrh in it, and you can't get up Into the garret, it's so full of figs. The crockery's bronze, the wooden bowls are silver, And the oven's made of ivory. In the kitchen, We play at pitch-and-toss with golden pieces; And scent ourselves (so delicate are we grown) with—garlic. ​As to my master, he's within there, sacrificing A hog and a goat and a ram, full drest, good soul! But the smoke drove me out—(affectedly)—I cannot stand it. I'm rather sensitive, and smoke hurts my eyelids.
The happy results of the new administration are further shown in the cases of some other characters who now come upon the scene. An Honest Man, who has spent his fortune on his friends and met with nothing but ingratitude in return, now finds his wealth suddenly restored to him, and comes to dedicate to the god who has been his benefactor the threadbare cloak and worn-out shoes which he had been lately reduced to wear. A public Informer—that hateful character whom the comic dramatist was never tired of holding up to the execration of his audience—has now found his business fail him, and threatens that, if there be any law or justice left in Athens, this god who leaves the poor knaves to starve shall be made blind again. Cario—quite in the spirit of the clown in a modern pantomime—strips him of his fine clothes, puts the honest man's ragged cloak on him instead, hangs the old shoes round his neck, and kicks him off the stage, howling out that he will surely "lay an information." An old lady who has lost her young lover, as soon as under the new dispensation she lost the charms of her money, in vain appeals to Chremylus, as having influence with this reformed government, to obtain her some ​measure of justice. Not only the world of men, but the world of gods, is out of joint. In the last scene, Mercury knocks at the door of Chremylus. He has brought a terrible message from Jupiter. He orders Cario to bring out the whole family—"master, mistress, children, slaves—and the dog—and himself—and the pig," and the rest of the brutes, that they may all be thrown together into the Barathrum—the punishment inflicted on malefactors of the deepest dye. Cario answers the Olympian messenger with a courtesy as scant as his own; under the new régime, he and his master are become very independent of Jupiter. "You'd be none the worse for a slice off your tongue, young fellow," says the mortal servant to him of Olympus; "why, what's the matter?""Matter enough," answers Mercury:—
Why, ye have wrought the very vilest deed; Since Plutus yonder got his sight again, No man doth offer frankincense or bays, Or honey-cake or victim or aught else, To us poor gods. Car. Nay, nor will offer, now; Ye took poor care of us when we were pious. Mer. As for the other gods, I care not much; But 'tis myself I pity. Car. You're right there. Mer. Why, in the good old times, from every shop I got good things,—rich wine-cakes, honey, figs, Fit for a god like Mercury to eat; But now I lie and sleep to cheat my hunger. Car. It serves you right; you never did much good. Mer. Oh for those noble cheesecakes, rich and brown! Car. 'Tis no use calling—cheesecakes an't in season. ​Mer. O those brave gammons that I once enjoyed! Car. Don't gammon me—be off with you to—heaven!
Mercury begs him at last, for old acquaintance' sake, and in remembrance of the many little scrapes which his pilfering propensities would have brought him into with his master, but that he, the god of craft, helped him out of them,—to have a little fellow-feeling for a servant out of place and thrown upon his own finding. Is there no place for him in Chremylus's household? What? says Cario; would he leave Olympus and take service with mortals? Certainly he would—the living and the perquisites are so much better. Would he turn deserter? asks the other (deserter being a word of abomination to Greek ears). The god replies in words which seem to be a quotation or a parody from some of the tragic poets—
That soil is fatherland which feeds us best.
The dialogue which follows is an amusing play upon the various offices assigned to Mercury, who was a veritable Jack-of-all-trades in the popular theology. The humour is very much lost in any English version, however free:—
Car. What place would suit you, now, suppose we hired you? Mer. I'll turn my hand to anything you please; You know I'm called the "Turner." Car. Yes, but now Luck's on our side, we want no turns at present. Mer. I'll make your bargains for you. Car. Thankye, no— Now we've grown rich, we don't much care for bargains. ​Mer. But I can cheat— Car. On no account—for shame! We well-to-do folks all go in for honesty. Mer. Let me be Guide, then. Car. Nay, our god ship here Has got his sight again, and needs no guiding. Mer. Well, Master of the revels? don't say no— Wealth must have pleasures,—music, and all that. Car. (ironically turning to the audience). Why, what a lucky thing it is to be Jack-of-all-trades! Here's a young man, now, who's sure to make a living! (To Mercury.) Well—go and wash these tripes,—be quick—let's see What sort of training servants get in heaven.
If the gods are suffering from this social revolution in the world below, still more lamentable are its effects upon the staff of officials maintained in their temples. The priest of Jupiter the Protector—one of the most important ecclesiastical functionaries in Athens—enters in great distress.
Priest. Be good enough to tell me, where is Chremylus? Chr. (coming out). What is it, my good sir? Priest. What is it?—ruin! Why, since this Plutus has begun to see, I'm dying of starvation. Positively, I haven't a crust to eat! I, my dear sir, The Priest of the Protector! think of that! Chr. Dear me! and what's the reason, may I ask? Priest. Why, because everybody now is rich: Before, if times were bad, there still would come Some merchant-captain home from time to time, And bring us thank-offerings for escape from wreck; Some lucky rogue, perhaps, who had got a verdict; Or some good man held a family sacrifice, ​And asked the priest, of course. But now no soul Pays either vows or sacrifice, or comes To the temple—save to shoot their rubbish there. Car. (half aside). You take your tithe of that, I warrant me.
Chremylus, whose good fortune in entertaining such a desirable guest has put him into good-humour with all the world, comforts the despairing official. The true Father Protector—the deity whom all men acknowledge—is here, he tells him, in the house. They mean to set him up permanently at Athens, in his proper place—the Public Treasury. And he shall be the minister of the new worship, if he likes to quit the service of Jupiter. The priest gladly consents, and an extempore procession is at once formed upon the stage, into which the old lady who has lost her lover is pressed, and persuaded to carry a slop-pail upon her head, to represent the maidens who, on such occasions, bore the lustral waters for the inauguration. Cario and the Chorus bring up the rear in an antic dance, and they proceed to establish at Athens, with all due formalities, the worship of Wealth alone.
This play, as we now have it (for it had been brought out in a different form twenty years before), shows evident signs of a transition in the character of Athenian comedy. It is less extravagant, and more domestic, and so far approaches more nearly to what is called the "New" Comedy, of which we know little except from a few fragmentary remains and from its Roman adapters, but of which our modern drama is the result. Possibly, now that the great war was over, ​and the spirit as well as the power of Athens was somewhat broken, Aristophanes no longer felt that deep personal interest in politics which has left such a mark on all his earlier pieces. Another reason for the change, independent of the public taste, seems to have been the growing parsimony in the expenditure of public money on such performances. Critics have detected, in the character of the Chorus of 'The Ecclesiazusæ,' exhibited five years previously, in which the masks and dresses for a body of old women could have involved but little expense in comparison with the elaborate mounting of such plays as 'The Birds' and 'Wasps,' an accommodation to this new spirit of economy; and the same remark has been made as to the poverty of the musical portion of the play. The same may be said of the Chorus of rustics in this latter drama. 'Plutus' was the last comedy put upon the stage by Aristophanes himself, though two pieces which he had composed, of which we know little more than the titles, were exhibited in his name, after his death, by his son. They appear to have approached still more nearly, in their plot and general character, to our modern notions of a comedy than even 'Plutus.' Whether the author made any important alterations in this second edition of the play is not known; but in its present state, the piece seems to want something of his old dash and vigour. He was getting an old man; and probably some young aspirants to dramatic fame remarked upon his failing powers in somewhat the same terms as those in which, thirty-seven years before, he had spoken of his elder rival Cratinus—
"The keys work loose, the strings are slack, the melodies a jar."
If so, Aristophanes never challenged and won the dramatic crown again, as Cratinus had done, to confound his younger critics. The curtain was soon about to fall for him altogether. He died a year or two afterwards.
END OF ARISTOPHANES.
PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.
* ↑ "I'll not be convinced, even if you convince me," are his words.
* ↑ This is a good instance of those jokes "contrary to expectation" (as the Greek term has it) which are very common in these comedies, but which can very seldom be reproduced, for more reasons than one, in an English version. Of course the audience were led to expect something more fragrant than "garlic." We are accustomed to something of the same kind in the puns which frequently conclude a line in our modern burlesques. In neither case, perhaps, is the wit of the highest order. Mr Walsh, in the preface to his 'Aristophanes' (p. viii), illustrates not inaptly this style of jest by a comparison with Goldsmith's "Elegy on the Glory of her sex, Mrs Mary Blaize."
* ↑ The Knights, l. 532.