# Aristophanes (Collins)/Chapter 7

CHAPTER VII.
THE FROGS.
The point of the satire in this comedy is chiefly critical, and directed against the tragedian Euripides, upon whom Aristophanes is never weary of showering his ridicule. There must have been something more in this than the mere desire to raise a laugh by a burlesque of a popular tragedian, or the satisfaction of a purely literary dislike. It is probable, as has been suggested, that our conservative and aristocratic author looked upon Euripides as a dangerous innovator in philosophy as well as in literature; one of the "new school" at Athens, whom he was so fond of contrasting with the "men of Marathon."
Bacchus, the patron of the drama, has become disgusted with its present state. He finds worse writers now in possession of the stage than Euripides; and he has resolved upon undertaking a journey to Tartarus, to bring him back to earth again. He would prefer Sophocles; but to get away from the dominions of Pluto requires a good deal of scheming and stratagem: and Sophocles is such a good easy man that he is ​probably contented where he is, while the other is such a clever, contriving fellow, that he will be sure to find some plan for his own escape. Remembering the success of Hercules on a similar expedition to the lower regions, Bacchus has determined to adopt the club and the lion's skin, in order to be taken for that hero. Followed by his slave Xanthias—who comes in riding upon an ass (a kind of classical Sancho Panza), and carrying his master's luggage—he calls upon Hercules on his way, in order to gather from him some information as to his route,—which is the best road to take, what there is worth seeing there, and especially what inns he can recommend, where the beds are reasonably clean, and free from those disagreeable bedfellows with which the Athenians of old seem to have been quite as well acquainted as any modern Londoner.
Hercules laughs to himself at the figure which his brother deity cuts in a costume so unsuited to his habits and character, and answers him in a tone of banter. Bacchus wants to know the shortest and most convenient road to the regions of the dead.
"Her. Well,—which shall I tell ye first, now? Let me see— There's a good convenient road by the Rope and Noose— The Hanging Road. Bac. No, that's too close and stifling. Her. Then there's an easy, fair, well-beaten track, As you go by the Pestle and Mortar. Bac. What, the Hemlock? Her. To be sure. Bac. That's much too cold,—it will never do. They tell me it strikes a chill to the legs and feet. ​Her. Should you like a speedy, rapid, downhill road? Bac. Indeed I should, for I'm a sorry traveller. Her. Go to the Keramicus, then. Bac. What then? Her. Get up to the very top of the tower— Bac. What then? Her. Stand there and watch when the Race of the Torch begins; And mind, when you hear the people cry 'Start, start!' Then start at once with 'em. Bac. Me? Start? Where from? Her. From the top of the tower to the bottom. Bac. No, not I. It's enough to dash my brains out! I'll not go Such a road upon any account."—(F.)
Bacchus gets the needful information at last, and sets out on his journey—not without some remonstrance from his slave as to the weight of the luggage he has to carry. Surely, Xanthias says, there must be some dead people going that way on their own account, in a conveyance, who would carry it for a trifle? His master gives him leave to make such an arrangement if he can—and as a bier is borne across the stage, Xanthias stops it, and tries to make a bargain with the occupant. The dead man asks eighteenpence; Xanthias offers him a shilling; the other replies that he "would rather come to life again," and bids his bearers "move on."
There must have been some kind of change of scene, to enable the travellers to arrive at the passage of the Styx, where Charon's ferry-boat is in waiting. He plies his trade exactly after the fashion of a modern omnibus-conductor. "Any one for Lethe, Tænarus, ​the Dogs, or No-man's-Land?""You're sure you're going straight to Hell?" asks the cautious traveller. "Certainly—to oblige you." So Bacchus steps into the boat, begging Charon to be very careful, for it seems very small and crank, as Hercules had warned him. But Charon carries no slaves—Xanthias must run round and meet them on the other side. The god takes his place at the oar, at the ferryman's bidding (but in very awkward "form," as a modern oarsman would term it), to work his passage across: and an invisible Chorus of Frogs, who give their name to the piece—the "Swans of the Marsh," as Charon calls them—chant their discordant music, in which, nevertheless, occur some very graceful lines, to the time of the stroke. It must be remembered that the oldest temple of Bacchus—the Lenæan—was known as that "In the Marsh," and it was there that the festival was held at which this piece was brought forward.
The chant of the Frogs dies away in the distance, and the scene changes to the other side of the infernal lake, where Xanthias was to await the arrival of his master. It does not seem likely that any means could have been adopted for darkening a stage which was nearly five hundred feet broad, and open to the sky: but it is plain that much of the humour of the following scene depends upon its being supposed to take place more or less in the dark. Probably the darkness was conventional, and only by grace of the audience—as indeed must be the case to some extent even in a modern theatre.
[Enter Bacchus, on one side of the stage.]
B. Hoy! Xanthias!—Where's Xanthias?—I say, Xanthias!
[Enter Xanthias, on the other side.]
X. Hallo! B. Come here, sir,—quick! X. Here I am, master! B. What kind of a place is it, out yonder? X. Dirt and darkness. B. Did you see any of those perjurers and assassins He told us of? X. Aye,—lots. (Looking round at the audience.) I see 'em now—don't you? B. (looking round). To be sure I do, by Neptune! now I see 'em!— What shall we do? X. Go forward, I should say; This is the place where lie those evil beasts— The monsters that he talked of. B. Oh! confound him! He was romancing—trying to frighten me, Knowing how bold I was—jealous, that's the fact: Never was such a braggart as that Hercules! I only wish I could fall in with something— Some brave adventure, worthy of my visit. X. Stop!—there!—by Jove, I heard a roar out yonder! B. (nervously). Where, where? X. Behind us. B. (pushing himself in front of Xanthias). Go behind, sir, will you? X. No—it's in front. B. (getting behind Xanthias again). Why don't you go in front, then? X. Great Jupiter! I see an awful beast! B. What like? X. Oh—horrible! like everything! ​Now it's a bull—and now a stag—and now A beautiful woman! B. (Jumping from behind X., and pushing him back). Where?—Let me go first! X. It's not a woman now—it's a great dog! B. (in great terror, getting behind X. again). Oh!—it's the Empusa! X. (getting frightened). It's got eyes like fire, And its face all of a blaze! B. And one brass leg? X. Lawk-a-mercy, yes!—and a cloven foot on the other
—It has indeed! B. (looking round in terror). "Where can I get to—tell me? X. Where can I go ? (runs into a corner.) B. (makes as if he would run into the arms of the Priest of Bacchus, who had a seat of honour in the front row.) Good priest, protect me!—take me home to supper! X. (from his corner). We're lost—we're lost! Hercules, dear master! B, (in a frightened whisper). Don't call me by that name, you fool—don't, don't! X. Well,—Bacchus, must I say? B. No-o!—that's worse still! X. (to something in the distance). Avaunt, there! go thy ways! (Joyfully.) Here, master! here! B. What is it? X. Hurrah! take heart! we've had the greatest luck— We can say now, in our great poet's words,— ​"After a storm there comes a calm."—It's gone! B. Upon your oath? X. Upon my oath. B. You swear it? X. I swear it. B. Swear again. X. I swear—by Jupiter.
But now the sound of flutes is heard in the distance, and with music and torches, a festive procession enters the orchestra. A parody of the great Eleusinian mysteries (for even these were lawful game to the comedy-writer) introduces the true Chorus of this play, consisting of the 'Initiated,' who chant an ode, half serious half burlesque, in honour of Bacchus and Ceres. They direct the travellers to the gates of Pluto's palace, which are close at hand. Bacchus eyes the awful portal for some time before he ventures to lift the knocker, and is very anxious to announce himself in the most polite fashion. "How do people knock at doors in these parts, I wonder ?"
"Æac. (from within, with the voice of a royal and infernal porter). Who's there? Bac. (with a forced voice). 'Tis I,—the valiant Hercules. Æac. (coming out). Thou brutal, abominable, detestable, Vile, villanous, infamous, nefarious scoundrel! How durst thou, villain as thou wert, to seize Our watchdog Cerberus, whom I kept and tended, Hurrying him off half-strangled in your grasp? But now, be sure, we have you safe and fast, Miscreant and villain! Thee the Stygian cliffs With stern adamantine durance, and the rocks ​Of inaccessible Acheron, red with gore, Environ and beleaguer, and the watch And swift pursuit of the hideous hounds of hell, And the horrible Hydra with her hundred heads, Whose furious ravening fangs shall rend and tear thee."
—(F.)
Before the terrible porter has ended his threats, Bacchus has dropped to the ground from sheer terror. "Hallo!" says Xanthias, "what's the matter?""I've had an accident," says his master, recovering himself when he sees that Æacus is gone. But finding that the rôle of Hercules has so many unforeseen responsibilities, he begs Xanthias to change dresses and characters,—to relieve him of the club and lion's skin, while he takes his turn with the bundles. No sooner has the change been effected, than a waiting-woman of Queen Proserpine makes her appearance—she has been sent to invite Hercules to supper. She addresses herself, of course, to Xanthias:—
"Dear Hercules! so you're come at last! come in! For the goddess, as soon as she heard of it, set to work Baking peck-loaves, and frying stacks of pancakes, And making messes of frumenty: there's an ox, Besides, she has roasted whole, with a relishing stuffing."
—(F.)
There is the best of wine, besides, awaiting him—and such lovely singers and dancers!
Xanthias, after some modest refusals, allows himself to be persuaded, and prepares to follow his fair guide, bidding his master look after the luggage. But Bacchus prefers on this occasion to play the part of Hercules himself, and insists on each resuming their ​original characters,—the slave warning him that he may come to rue it yet. The warning soon comes true. Before he can get to the palace, he is seized upon by a brace of infernal landladies, at whose establishments Hercules, on his previous visit, has left some little bills unpaid. "Hallo!" says one lady, "here's the fellow that ate me up sixteen loaves!""And me a score of fried cutlets at three-halfpence apiece," says the other, "And all my garlic!""And my pickled fish, and the new cream-cheeses, which he swallowed rush-baskets and all! and then, when I asked for payment, he only grinned and roared at me like a bull, and threatened me with his sword.""Just like him!" says Xanthias. After abusing poor Bacchus, and shaking their fists in his face, they go off to fetch some of the infernal lawyers; and Bacchus once more begs Xanthias to stand his friend, and play Hercules again,—he shall really be Hercules for the future,—the part suits him infinitely better. The slave consents, and again they change dresses, when Æacus comes in with the Plutonian police. He points out to them the representative of Hercules—"Handcuff me this fellow that stole the dog!" But Xanthias is not easily handcuffed; he stands on his defence; protests that "he wishes he may die if he was ever that way before;"—he "never touched a hair of the dog's tail." If Æacus won't believe him, there stands his slave—he may take and torture him, after the usual fashion, and see whether he can extract any evidence of guilt. This seems so fair a proposal that Æacus at once agrees to it.
"Æac. (to Bac.) Come, you—put down your bundles, and make ready. And mind—let me hear no lies. Bac. I'll tell you what— I'd advise people not to torture me; I give you notice—I'm a deity; So mind now—you'll have nobody to blame But your own self. Æac. What's that you're saying there? Bac. Why, that I'm Bacchus, Jupiter's own son; That fellow there's a slave (pointing to Xanthias). Æac. (to Xanthias). Do you hear? Xan. I hear him: A reason the more to give him a good beating; If he's immortal, he need never mind it."—(F.)
Æacus proceeds to test their divinity, by administering a lash to each of them in turn; but they endure the ordeal so successfully, that at last he gives it up in despair.
"By the Holy Goddess, I'm completely puzzled! I must take you before Proserpine and Pluto— Being gods themselves, they're likeliest to know. Bac. Why, that's a lucky thought!—I only wish It had happened to occur before you beat us."—(F.)
There is an interval of choral song, with a political bearing, during which we are to suppose that Bacchus is being entertained at the infernal court, while Xanthias improves his acquaintance with Æacus in the servants' hall, or whatever might be the equivalent in Pluto's establishment. The conversation between the two is highly confidential. "Your master seems quite the gentleman," says Æacus. "Oh! quite," says ​Xanthias"—he does nothing but game and drink." They find that life "below stairs" is very much the same in Tartarus as it is in the upper regions; and both agree that what they enjoy most is listening at the door, and discussing their masters' secrets with their own friends afterwards. While the two retainers are engaged in this interesting conversation, a noise outside attracts the new-comer's attention. "Oh," says Æacus, " it's only Æschylus and Euripides quarrelling. There's a tremendous rivalry going on just now among these dead people." He explains to his guest that special rank and precedence, with a seat at the royal table, is accorded in the Shades to the artist or professor who stands first in his own line, Æschylus had held the chair of tragedy until Euripides appeared below: but now this latter has made a party in his own favour—"chiefly of rogues and vagabonds"—and has laid claim to the chair. Æschylus has his friends among the respectable men; but respectable men are as scarce in the Shades—"as they are in this present company," observes Æacus, with a wave of his hand towards the audience. So Pluto (who appears a very affable and good-humoured monarch) has determined that there shall be a public ​trial and discussion of their respective merits. Sophocles has put in no claim on his own behalf. The tribute which his brother dramatist here pays him is very graceful: "The first moment that he came, he went up straight to Æschylus and saluted him, and kissed his cheek, and took his hand quite kindly, and Æschylus edged a little from his seat, to give him room."
But—if Euripides is elected against Æschylus, Sophocles will challenge his right. The difficulty is to find competent judges, Æschylus has declined to leave the decision to the Athenians—he has no confidence in their honesty or their taste. [A bold stroke of personal satire, we might think, from a candidate for the dramatic crown of the festival, as against those whose verdict he was awaiting; the author was perhaps still smarting (as Brunck suggests) from the reception his "Clouds" had met with: but he knew his public—it was just the thing an Athenian audience would enjoy.] It had been already proposed to get Bacchus, as the great patron of the drama, to sit as judge in this controversy, so that his present visit has been most opportune; and whichever of the rival poets he places first, Pluto promises to allow his guest to take back to earth with him.
The contest between the rival dramatists takes place upon the stage, in full court, with Bacchus presiding, and the Chorus encouraging the competitors. It is extended to some length, but must have been full of interest to a play-loving audience, thoroughly familiar with the tragedies of both authors. Some of the points ​we can even now quite appreciate, Æschylus, in the hands of Aristophanes, does not spare his competitor.
"A wretch that has corrupted everything— Our music with his melodies from Crete, Our morals with incestuous tragedies. ······ I wish the place of trial had been elsewhere— I stand at disadvantage here. Bac. As how? Æs. Because my poems live on earth above, And his died with him, and descended here, And are at hand as ready witnesses."—(F.)
Euripides retorts upon his rival the use of "break-neck words, which it is not easy to find the meaning of"—a charge which some modern schoolboys would be quite ready to support. The two poets proceed, at the request of the arbitrator, each to recite passages from their tragedies for the other to criticise: and if we suppose, as we have every right to do, that the voice and gestures of some well-known popular tragedian were cleverly mimicked at the same time, we should then have an entertainment of a very similar kind to that which Foote and Matthews, and in later days Robson, afforded to an English audience by their remarkable imitations.
After various trials of skill, a huge pair of scales is produced, and the verses of each candidate are weighed, as a test of their comparative value. Still Bacchus cannot decide. At last he puts to each a political question—perhaps the question of the day—which has formed the subject of pointed allusion more than once in the course of the play. ​Alcibiades, long the popular favourite, has recently been banished, and is now living privately in Thrace;—shall he be recalled? Both answer enigmatically; but the advice of the elder poet plainly tends to the policy of recall, which was no doubt the prevailing inclination of the Athenians. In vain does Euripides remind Bacchus that he had come there purposely to bring him back, and had pledged his word to do so. The god quotes against him a well-known verse from his own tragedy of 'Hippolytus,' with the sophistry of which his critics were never tired of taunting him—
It was my tongue that swore.
And Æschylus, crowned by his decision as the First of Tragedians, is led off in triumphal procession in the suite of the god of the drama, with Pluto's hearty approbation. He leaves his chair in the Shades to Sophocles,—with strict injunctions to keep Euripides out of it.
This very lively comedy, the humour of which is still so intelligible, seems to have supplied the original idea for those modern burlesques upon the Olympian and Tartarian deities which were at one time so popular. For some reason it was not brought out in the author's own name; but it gained the first prize, and was acted a second time, probably in the same year—an honour, strange to say, very unusual at Athens.
* ↑ A sort of Night-hag belonging to Hecate, which assumed various shapes to terrify belated travellers at cross-roads.
* ↑ The priests of Bacchus had probably (and very naturally) a reputation as bons vivants. At all events, they gave a sumptuous official entertainment at these dramatic festivals.
* ↑ We find something of this professional badinage to the audience in Shakspeare's "Hamlet" (act v. sc. i.):— Ham. Marry, why was he sent into England? 1st Grave-d. Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits there; or if he do not, 'tis no great matter there. Ham. Why? 1st Gr. 'Twill not be seen in him there—there the men are as mad as he.