# New game at cards, or, A pack of cards changed into a compleat and perpetual almanack (1)

THE
NEW GAME at CARDS;
or, a
PACK OF CARDS
Changed into a Compleat and Perpetual
ALMANACK.
in a DIALOGUE BETWEEN A NOBLEMAN AND HIS SERVANT.
Stirling,—Printed by C. RANDALL.
A
PACK OF CARDS
TURN'D INTO
AN ALMANACK.
A Certain Nobleman, living in the city of London, and having a considerable number of servants, among them he had one in whom he reposed a great deal of confidence; one of his fellow servants becoming jealous of him, went to make a complaint to his master, in order to get him turned out of his service; and all he could impeach him with, was, that he was a great gamester at cards.
At which the Nobleman being highly displeased, for gamesters were a set of people, that he mortally hated and detested, took this opportunity to call him to account in order to chastise him for the same.
Jack, says the Nobleman, what's this I've heard of you?
I can’t tell, please your Lordship, says Jack, What is it?
Why, says the Nobleman, I’m informed you are a gamester at cards.
My Lord, says Jack, who was it that informed you? It was a false report, I wish I could know who told you so.
'Tis no matter for that, says the Nobleman, are you really a gamester or not?
My Lord, says Jack, I am so far from a ​gamester, I never play’d a card in my life, nor do I even know what a card means.
Well, says the Nobleman, I’m glad of that on your account; however, we shall call the informer to appear, and know whether these reports be true.
J. With all my heart, my Lord, I am very well satisfied. The Informer being called and come to his Lord.
Did you not tell me, says the Nobleman, that Jack was become a great gamester at cards?
Informer. I did indeed, my Lord.
N. Why then you villain, says the Nobleman, how dare you belie any one?
J. I did not, my Lord.
N. Why, Jack utterly denies it.
I I don’t care my Lord, I will prove it to his face, that he is one of the greatest gamesters in London; and to convince your Lordship of the truth of what I say, search him, and you’ll find a pack of cards in his pocket. Jack being search’d, the cards were haul’d out of his pocket.
N. The Nobleman being in a fury, began to stamp and rage in a passion about the room, saying, you audacious impudent rogue, how dare you be guilty of such falsehood, before my face? Did not you tell me you never played at cards in your life, nor could not tell what a card meant, and now I find them in your pocket; you villain, seeing you are guilty, what reason had you to deny it? had, you confessed your fault, I would be apt to ​forgive you, but now I will punish you with the utmost severity, not only because you are a gamester, but because you are a liar also.
J My Lord, says Jack, your Lordship may use your pleasure, but I hope, you will not condemn me for a fault I am not guilty of.
N. You villain, what stronger evidence need there be than the cards being found in your pocket, how can you speak for yourself?
J. My Lord, if you call these cards, I do not; neither do I use them as such.
N. Why, what do you call them then?
J. My Lord, this is my Almanack.
N. Your Almanack! you dog, Did ever any one make an Almanack of a pack of cards? you villain; What sense could one make of them?
J. My Lord, I am no scholar, and for that reason I use them as an Almanack to rule and govern the year by.
N. Well Jack, if so, let me hear how you manage your cards, and if I find you convert them to a proper use, I will not in the least be angry, but will freely forgive you.
J. Why then my Lord, consider in the 1st place. There are four suits in the cards, that intimates the four quarters of the year; then as there are thirteen cards in each suit, that is just as many, as there are weeks in a quarter; there are also as many lunations in a year as there are cards in a suit; there are twelve court cards which intimate the twelve months of the year, and the twelve signs of ​the Zodiack through which the sun steers its diurnal course during the space of one whole year; there are fifty-two cards in the pack, and that directly answers the exact number of weeks in a year; examine the cards a little further, and you will find as many spots in them as there are days in a year; there being three hundred and sixty-five spots in a pack of cards, which is exactly the number of days in a year, these I multiply by twenty-four, and then by sixty, which brings me out the exact number of hours and minutes in a year.
N. Very well Jack, I can't say but you apply your Almanack exceeding well, but prithee Jack, do you make any further use of them?
J Yes, my Lord, a great deal.
N. Why, prithee Jack, what further use do you make of them?
J. Why, my Lord, I sometimes convert Cards into a Prayer-Book.
N. A Prayer-Book, you villain, I am sure if you make an Almanack of your cards, you can never make a Prayer-Book of them.
J. My Lord, I’ll make it appear; you know I told you I could neither read nor write, for that reason, these cards answer my purpose, as well as the best Prayer-Book in England.
N. Prithee Jack, let me hear it out, I like the beginning very well.
J. Why then my Lord, when I look upon these Four suits of the cards, they present to me these four principal religions that’s predominant in the world, viz. Christianity, Judaism ​Mahometanism and Paganism, when I look over the twelve court cards, they remind me of the twelve Patriarchs, from whom proceed the twelve tribes of Israel, the twelve Apostles, also the twelve articles of the Christian faith in which I am bound to believe. When I look on the King, it reminds me of the allegiance due to his Majesty: when I look upon the Queen, it reminds me of the allegiance due to her Majesty; then when I look upon the ten, it puts me in mind of the ten cities in the plains of Sodom and Gomorrah, destroyed with fire and brimstone from heaven, the ten plagues of Egypt, with which God afflicted the Egyptians, when he brought the children of Israel out of that land; also the ten commandments, and the ten tribes of Israel which were cut off for their wickedness; when I look upon the nine, it puts me in mind of the nine Hierarchies, the nine muses, and the nine noble orders amongst men; when I look upon the eight, it reminds me of the eight Beatitudes, the eight Altitudes, the eight persons saved in Noah's Ark, the eight persons mentioned in scripture to be released from death to life; when I look upon the seven it puts me in mind of the seven administering spirits that stand before the throne of God, the seven seals with which the book of life is sealed, the seven angels with the seven vials, filled with the indignation of the Lord, which they were to plague the earth with, as mentioned in the Apocalyps of St. John, the seven liberal arts and siences, given by God ​for the instruction of man, the seven wonders of the world, the seven planets that rule the seven days of the week; the six puts me in mind of the six petitions contained in the Lord’s Prayer, the six days of the week that I have to work for my bread, and that I am appointed to keep the seventh holy; the five puts me in mind of the five senses given by God to man, viz. hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting and smelling; the four puts me in mind of the four theological virtues, the four Evangelists, the four last things, Death. Judgement, Heaven and Hell, and the four seasons into which God hath divided and disposed the year, for the use of man, viz. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter: the three puts me in mind of the Trinity, in which are three distinct Persons co-equal and co-eternal, it also puts me in mind of the three days that Jonas was in the whale's belly, and the three hours our Saviour hung upon the cross, the three days that he lay interr'd in the bowels of the earth; the two puts me in mind of the two Testaments, the Old and New, containing the Law and Gospel, the two contrary principles struggling in man, viz Virtue and Vice; then my Lord, when I look upon the ace, it puts me in mind, I’ve only one God to adore and serve, one faith to believe, one truth to practise, one baptism to cleanse me from original sin, and only one master to serve and obey.
N. Very well, Jack, I can’t say but you convert your cards to a very good use, but now ​I perceive there is one particular card in the pack you have not explained to me.
J. What is that my Lord?
N. Jack, when you were shuffling the cards, you past from the Queen to the ten and laid by the Knave, doth it put you in mind of nothing?
J. That is right, my Lord I had like to have forgot, when I look upon the Knave, it puts me in mind of your Lordship——
N. What villain, do you count me a Knave before my face?
J. No my Lord, you misapprehend me, I mean your Lordship’s informer.
N. If so Jack, I freely forgive you; ’tis pretty well turned.
On which the Nobleman was so well pleased with the ready turns of wit and humour which he found in Jack, that he preferr’d him to the highest place in his service, doubled his wages, and discharged the informer, who soon after died, and the following Epitaph was set over his grave.
EPITAPH.
STAY, Reader, and piss here, for it is said, Under this stone a sly informer's laid,
| Who studied nothing all his life throughout, | $\scriptstyle {\left.{\begin{matrix}\ \\\\\ \ \end{matrix}}\right\}\,$ |
| But mischief, till his own destruction wrought, | $\scriptstyle {\left.{\begin{matrix}\ \\\\\ \ \end{matrix}}\right\}\,$ |
| His neighbour's ill was what he chiefly fought. | $\scriptstyle {\left.{\begin{matrix}\ \\\\\ \ \end{matrix}}\right\}\,$ |
If Heav'n be pleas'd, when Mortals cease to sin; If Hell be pleas'd, when Villains enter in; Or Earth be pleas'd, when it entombs a Knave, Sure all are pleas'd—the Rogue is in his grave.
FINIS.
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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