# The Complete Works of Count Tolstoy/Volume 18/The Fruits of Enlightenment/Act 4

ACT IV.
The theatre represents the scene of the First Act.
Scene I. Two footmen in liveries, Fédor Iványch, and Grigóri.
First Footman (with gray side-whiskers). You are the third to-day. I am glad the receptions are all in the same part of the city. You used to have them on Thursdays.
Fédor Iványch. Then we changed it to Saturday, so as to have it on the same day with the Golovkins, and with Grade-von-Grabe—
Second Footman. It is so nice at the Shcherbakovs: the lackeys are treated as though there were a ball there.
Young Princess. Yes, be sure and come! If you don't come, and Dodo does not, there will nothing come of it.
Betsy. I do not know. I must go to the Shúbins anyway. Then comes the rehearsal.
Young Princess. You will have time. Do come! Ne nous fais pas faux bond! Fédya and Coco will be there.
Betsy. J'en ai par dessus la tête de votre Coco.
​Young Princess. I thought I should find him here. Ordinairement il est d'une exactitude.
Betsy. He certainly will be here.
Young Princess. When I see him with you, I always think that he has just proposed to you, or that he will do so in a minute.
Betsy. I suppose I shall have to go through it. It is so unpleasant!
Young Princess. Poor Coco! He is so in love!
Betsy. Cessez, les gens!
(Young Princess sits down on the sofa, speaking in a whisper. Grigori puts on her overshoes.)
Young Princess. Good-bye until evening!
Betsy. I will try.
Princess. Tell your papa that I do not believe a thing, but that I will come to see his new medium, if he will let me know when. Good-bye, ma toute belle! (Kisses her and exit with Young Princess. Betsy goes uptairs.)
Scene III. The two footmen, Fédor Iványch, and Grigóri.
Grigóri. I do not like to put overshoes on old women: they don't bend, and they can't see anything, because their bellies are so large, and so they keep sticking their feet anywhere but into the overshoes. It is quite different with a young woman: it is pleasant to take her foot into the hand.
Second Footman. How dainty he is!
First Lackey. It is not for people of our class to be dainty.
Grigóri. Why should we not be dainty? Are we not human beings? They think we do not understand anything: when they began to talk, they looked at me, and immediately said "les gens."
Second Footman. What does that mean?
Grigóri. That means in Russian: "Don't say it, for ​they will understand!" They say the same thing at dinner, but I understand it. You say there is a difference, but I say there is none.
First Footman. There is a great difference, if a person understands anything.
Grigóri. There is no difference whatsoever. To-day I am a lackey, and to-morrow I may be living as well as they. Fine women sometimes marry lackeys: such things have happened. I will go and take a smoke. (Exit.)
Scene IV. The same, without Grigóri.
Second Footman. That young fellow of yours is a bold chap.
Fédor Iványch. A worthless lad and unfit for service: he has served in an office, and that has spoiled him. I advised against taking him, but the lady wanted him because he makes such a fine appearance in the carriage.
First Footman. I should like to see him serving under our count: he would straighten him out in no time. Oh, how he hates such sleek fellows! If you are a lackey, stay a lackey, and do justice to your calling! This pride does not become him.
Scene V. The same. Petríshchev runs down-stairs and takes out a cigarette.
Petríshchev (in thought). Yes, yes. No "ta"—my second. No-ta-ry. My whole—Yes, yes.(Coco Klíngen, in eye-glasses, enters, and goes up to him.) Ah, Cocolate, Choco-late! Where do you come from?
Coco Klíngen. From the Shcherbakóvs. Will you never stop your foolishness?
Petríshchev. Just listen to my charade: My first is no "rial"; no "ta"—my second; my whole is quite contrary.
​Coco Klíngen. I don't know, I don't know, and I have no time.
Petríshchev. Where are you going?
Coco Klíngen. Where am I going? To the Ivins, to practise singing. Then to the Shúbins, and then to the rehearsal. Aren't you going to be there?
Petríshchev. Of course I will. I will be at the re-hearse-al and at the re-burial. I was a savage before, and now I am both a savage and a general.
Coco Klíngen. Well, how was the séance last night?
Petríshchev. It was killing! There was a peasant there; but the main thing is it was all in the dark. Vovó mewled like a baby, the professor explained, and Márya Vasilevna made glosses. It was great fun! What a pity you were not there!
Coco Klíngen. I am afraid, mon cher. You manage to keep out of trouble with all your jokes; but it seems to me that the moment I say a word, they will make me out as having proposed. Et ça ne m'arrange pas du tout, du tout. Mais du tout, du tout!
Petríshchev. You make a proposition with a predicate, and nothing will happen to you. Go in to Vovo's, and we will go together to the re-burial.
Coco Klíngen. I can't understand how you can keep company with such an ass. He is so stupid,—such a real good-for-nothing!
Petríshchev. I love him. I love Vovó, but "with a strange love," "to him the people's path will not be overgrown—" (Goes into Vasili Leonidych's room.)
Scene VI. The two lackeys, Fédor Iványch, and Coco Klíngen. Betsy sees Lady off
(Coco makes a deep bow.)
Betsy (shakes his head sidewise. To the Lady). Are you not acquainted?
​Lady. No.
Betsy. Baron Klíngen—Why were you not here yesterday?
Coco Klíngen. I could not,—I was so busy.
Betsy. What a pity! It was so interesting. (Laughing.) You ought to have seen what manifestations there were! Well, how is our charade getting on?
Coco Klíngen. Oh, yes! The verses for my second are ready. Nik has made them up, and I have added the music.
Betsy. How is it, how? Let me hear them!
Coco Klíngen. Nature is so beautiful Coco Klíngen. Where bananas native are, Coco Klíngen. Nanna, Nanna! Na, na, na!
Lady. My second is na, and what is my first?
Coco Klíngen. My first is Are, the name of a savage woman.
Betsy. Are, you see, is a savage, who wants to eat up the object of her love. (Laughs loud.) She walks around, and pines, and sings.
       Ah, my appetite!
Coco Klíngen (interrupting her).
       If I but had a bite!
Betsy (continues).
       I want some one to eat,
       I walk with saddened mind—
Coco Klíngen.
       No person do I find—
Betsy.
       No flesh to chew, no meat—
Coco Klíngen.
       Behold, a raft I see—
Betsy.
       It is swimming to me,
       On it two generals are—
​Coco Klíngen.
       Generals we are,
       Fate has brought us from afar,
       Fate has brought us,—here we are!
And again the refrain:
       Fate has brought us from afar,
       Fate has brought us,—here we are!
Lady. Charmant!
Betsy. Do you perceive how stupid it is?
Coco Klíngen. But that is where the charm of it is!
Lady. Who is Are?
Betsy. I. I have had a costume made, but mamma says it is indecent. It is not a bit more indecent than a ball-dress. (To Fédor Iványch.) Well, is the man here from Bourdier?
Fédor Iványch. Yes, he is sitting in the kitchen.
Lady. Well, and how is the Arena going to be?
Betsy. You will see. I do not wish to spoil your pleasure. Au revoir.
Lady. Good-bye! (They bow to each other. Lady exit.)
Betsy (to Coco Klíngen). Let us go to mamma! (Betsy and Coco Klíngen ascend the stairs.)
Yákov (to the lackeys). My regards to you, my regards!
(The lackeys bow.)
Yákov (to Fédor Iványch). Can't you tell Grigóri Mikháylych to give me a lift? Getting things ready has tired me out. (Exit.)
Scene VIII. The same, without Yákov.
First Footman. He is a hard-working man!
Fédor Iványch. He is a good man, but the lady does not like him. She says he does not make a good appearance. They accused him yesterday of letting some peasants into the kitchen, and I am afraid they will discharge him. And he is such a nice fellow.
Second Footman. What peasants?
Fédor Iványch. Some peasants from our Kursk village came to buy some land. It was night-time, and they are his countrymen. One of them is also the father of the peasant of the pantry. So they took them to the kitchen. They happened to have mind-reading here last night they hid something in the kitchen. Then all the company went into the kitchen, and there the lady saw them. Well, it was terrible! "These people," says she, "might be infected, and you let them stay in the kitchen!" She is dreadfully afraid of the infection.
Scene IX. The same and Grigóri.
Fédor Iványch. Go, Grigóri, and help Yákov Iványch, while I will stay here by myself. He can't get it done himself.
Grigóri. He can't get it done because he is awkward. (Exit.)
Scene X. The same, without Grigóri.
First Footman. A new fashion they have started with this infection! And so your lady is afraid of it, too?
Fédor Iványch. She is afraid of it worse than of ​fire. We are doing nothing now but fumigating, washing, and sprinkling.
First Footman. I thought I smelled something strong. (With animation.) It is a perfect shame how they carry on with these infections. Perfectly disgraceful! They have forgotten God. The daughter of Princess Mosólov, the sister of our master, died. What do you suppose they did? Neither father nor mother came into the room to bid her farewell. And the daughter kept weeping and begging for her parents to tell them good-bye, but they did not go in. The doctor had discovered some kind of an infection. And yet the chambermaid and a nurse attended to her, and they are alive!
Scene XI. The same, Vasíli Leonídych, and Petríshchev (coming out of the door with cigarettes).
Petríshchev. Let us go! I just want to fetch Cocolate—Chocolate.
Vasíli Leonídych. Your Cocolate is a stupid! Let me tell you: I can't bear him. He is such a brainless fellow, a genuine loafer! He does nothing but loaf. Ah, what?
Petríshchev. Wait, anyway! I want to tell him good-bye.
Vasíli Leonídych. All right. I will go and take a look in the coachman's room. One of the dogs is so vicious that the coachman says he has almost eaten him up. Ah, what?
Petríshchev. Who has eaten whom? Do you mean to tell me that the coachman has eaten up the dog?
Vasíli Leonídych. Your eternal jokes— (Puts on his wraps and exit.)
Petríshchev (in thought). Ma-no-rial, no-ta-ry— Yes, yes. (Goes up-stairs.)
Fédor Iványch (to Yákov). What is it again?
Yákov. I did not bring the sandwiches! I said— (Exit.)
Second Footman. Then our young master fell ill, so they took him with a nurse to a hotel, and there he died without his mother.
First Footman. They are forgetting God; but I think you can't get away from God.
Fédor Iványch. I think so myself. (Yákov runs upstairs with the sandwiches.)
First Footman. You must consider that if you are to be afraid of everything, you will have to shut yourself up within four walls, as in a prison, and stay there.
Scene XIII. The same and Tánya, then Yákov.
Tánya (bowing to the footmen). Good evening! (The footmen bow.)
Tánya. Fédor Iványch, I have a word or two to tell you.
Fédor Iványch. Well, what is it?
Tánya. Fédor Iványch, the peasants have come back―
Fédor Iványch. What of it? I gave the paper to Semén―
Tánya. I gave them the paper. I can't tell you how thankful they are. Now they ask that their money be accepted.
Fédor Iványch. Where are they?
Tánya. They are standing near the porch.
Fédor Iványch. Well, I will report it.
Tánya. I, too, want to ask you for something, dear Fédor Iványch.
Fédor Iványch. What is it?
​Tánya. Fédor Iványch, I can't stay here any longer. Will you ask for my dismissal? (Yákov running in.)
Fédor Iványch (to Yákov). What do you want?
Yákov. Another samovár, and some oranges.
Fédor Iványch. Ask the housekeeper for them! (Yákov runs away.)
Fédor Iványch. What is that for?
Tánya. Why, you know what I want to do!
Yákov (running in). There are not enough oranges there.
Fédor Iványch. Serve as many as there are. (Yákov runs away.) You have chosen a bad time: you see what an upheaval there is here now—
Tánya. You know yourself, Fédor Iványch, that there will be no end to this upheaval, no matter how long I may wait, and what I am about to do is for a lifetime You, dear Fédor Iványch, have already done me a great favour. Be now again in place of my own father, and choose the right time and tell the master about it. Or else he will get angry, and will not let me have my papers.
Fédor Iványch. You are in a terrible hurry!
Tánya. Everything has been settled, Fédor Iványch, and I should like to go back to godmother, and get ready. The wedding is to be after Quasimodo Sunday. Do tell him, Fédor Iványch!
Fédor Iványch. Go now, this is not the place for you just now.
(An elderly gentleman comes down-stairs and, without saying a word, goes away with Second Footman. Tánya exit.)
Scene XIV. Fédor Iványch, First Footman, and Yákov (who enters).
Yákov. Fédor Iványch, this is a burning shame! She wants to discharge me. She says: "You are bun​gling everything, and you do not attend to Fifi, and you took the peasants to the kitchen against my order." You know yourself that I did not know anything about it. Tatyána told me to take them to the kitchen, and I did not know by whose order it was.
Fédor Iványch. Did she talk to you about it?
Yákov. This very minute. Fédor Iványch, intercede for me! My family has just been getting on its legs, and if I should lose this place, who knows when I should find another? Fédor Iványch, do me the favour!
Anna Pávlovna. Of course. I am truly touched.
Countess. If it were not for my ill health, I should come to see you more frequently.
Anna Pávlovna. Really, you ought to try Peter Petróvich. He is rough, but no one will soothe you better. Everything is so simple and clear with him.
Countess. No, I am used to my own doctor.
Anna Pávlovna. Look out!
Countess. Merci, mille fois merci!
Semén. You leave her alone!
Grigóri. I will teach you, rascal, how to fight! You good-for-nothing!
Anna Pávlovna. What is this? Are you in an inn?
Grigóri. I can't stand this coarse peasant.
​Anna Pávlovna. You are crazy! Don't you see? (To the Countess.) Merci, mille fois merci! A mardi! (Countess and First Footman exeunt.)
Scene XVII. Fédor Iványch, Anna Pávlovna, Grigóri, and Semén.
Anna Pávlovna (to Grigóri). What is this?
Grigóri. Although I am only a lackey, I have my pride, and I will not allow any peasant to push me.
Anna Pávlovna. But what has happened?
Grigóri. Semén has become stuck up from having sat with gentlemen, and now he fights.
Anna Pávlovna. What is it? For what?
Grigóri. God knows.
Anna Pávlovna (to Semén). What does this mean?
Semén. Let him keep away from her!
Anna Pávlovna. What has happened between you?
Semén (smiling). It is like this: he keeps grabbing chambermaid Tánya, and she does not want him to do it. So I pushed him a little aside.
Grigóri. I should say he did push me aside! He nearly broke my ribs. He has torn my dress coat. He said: "My strength of yesterday has come back to me," and he began to choke me.
Anna Pávlovna (to Semén). How dare you fight in my house?
Fédor Iványch. Permit me to inform you, Anna Pávlovna, that Semén has certain feelings for Tánya, and as they are engaged to be married, and Grigóri - I must tell you the truth--acts badly and dishonourably, I suppose, Semén would not stand his behaviour.
Grigóri. Not at all. It is all because they are angry, knowing that I am up to their trickery.
Anna Pávlovna. What trickery?
Grigóri. At the séance. All the tricks of last night ​were not done by Semén, but by Tatyána. I saw her myself creeping out from under the sofa.
Anna Pávlovna. What? She crept out from under the sofa?
Grigóri. My word of honour. She also brought the paper and threw it on the table. If it had not been for her, the paper would not have been signed, and the land would not have been sold to them.
Anna Pávlovna. You saw it yourself?
Grigóri. With my own eyes. Have her come in, and she will not deny it.
Anna Pávlovna. Call her in! (Grigóri exit.)
Porter. You can't go there! Get out!
Second Peasant. No harm is meant! We are not up to any trouble. We want to give him the money.
First Peasant. In rivality, since by the signature of the application of the hand our affair has come into a finishing, we wish to present the money with our gratitude.
Anna Pávlovna. Wait, wait! Don't thank! It was all a trick. It is not ended yet. The land is not sold yet. Leoníd! Call Leoníd Fédorovich! (Porter exit.)
Scene XIX. The same and Leoníd Fédorovich, who, seeing the peasants and Anna Pávlovna, wants to withdraw.
Anna Pávlovna. No, no, please come here! I told you that the land must not be sold with an outstanding indebtedness, and everybody else told you so. And then you are deceived like a most stupid man.
​Leoníd Fédorovich. That is, how? I do not understand what deception you are speaking about.
Anna Pávlovna. You ought to be ashamed! You have gray hair, and yet they deceive you like a boy and make fun of you. You begrudge your son some paltry three hundred roubles to help him in his social standing, and you yourself are cheated out of thousands like the greatest fool.
Leoníd Fédorovich. Annette, calm yourself!
First Peasant. We are only in the reception of the sum, so to speak—
Third Peasant (draws out the money). Send us away, for Christ's sake!
Anna Pávlovna. Wait, wait!
Scene XX. The same, Grigóri, and Tánya.
Anna Pávlovna (sternly to Tánya). Were you in the drawing-room last night during the séance?
(Tánya, sighing, looks at Fédor Iványch, Leonid Fedorovich, and Semén.)
Grigóri. You needn't beat around the bush. I saw you there myself—
Anna Pávlovna. Speak! Were you there? I know everything, so you had better confess. I only want to accuse him (pointing to Leoníd Fédorovich) —the master. Did you throw the paper on the table?
Tánya. I do not know what to answer, except to ask you to let me go home.
Anna Pávlovna (to Leoníd Fédorovich). Now, you see, they have been fooling you.
Scene XXI. The same. Enter Betsy in the beginning of the scene and stands unnoticed.
Tánya. Let me go, Anna Pávlovna!
Anna Pávlovna. No, my dear! You may have ​caused a loss of several thousand. He sold the land which ought not to have been sold.
Tánya. Let me go, Anna Pávlovna!
Anna Pávlovna. No, you will have to answer. You can't cheat like that. I will take you before a justice of the peace.
Betsy (stepping forward). Let her go, mother! If you wish to sue her, you will have to sue me, too: I did it all with her last night.
Anna Pávlovna. Of course, if you had anything to do with it, it could have been nothing but the nastiest thing.
Scene XXII. The same and Professor.
Professor. Good day, Anna Pávlovna! Good day, madam! I am bringing you, Leoníd Fédorovich, the report of the thirteenth meeting of the spiritualists at Chicago. Schmidt delivered a wonderful speech!
Leoníd Fédorovich. Ah, that will be interesting!
Anna Pávlovna. I will tell you something which is more interesting still. It turns out that this girl has been fooling you and my husband. Betsy takes it upon herself, but that is only to tease me; it was really this illiterate girl who has been fooling you, and you believed it all. There were none of your mediumistic phenomena last night, but this girl here (pointing to Tanya) has done it all.
Professor (angrily). What do you mean?
Anna Pávlovna. I mean that it was she who played the guitar in the dark, and who struck my husband on the head, and who did all that foolishness. She has just confessed.
Professor (smiling). What does that prove?
Anna Pávlovna. It proves that your mediumism is nonsense, that is what it proves!
Professor. Because this girl wanted to cheat, mediumism is nonsense, as you have deigned to express yourself? (Smiling.) A strange conclusion! It may well ​be that this girl wanted to cheat: this often happens; and it may be that she really did do something; but what she did, she did, and that which was a manifestation of mediumistic energy was a manifestation of mediumistic energy. It is even very probable that that which this girl did, evoked, solicitated, so to speak, the manifestation of mediumistic energy, and gave it definite form.
Anna Pávlovna. Another lecture!
Professor (sternly). You say, Anna Pávlovna, that this girl, and maybe this charming young lady, did something; but the light which we all saw, and in the first case the fall, and in the second the rise of the temperature, and Grossmann's agitation and vibration,—well, did the girl do that, too? But these are facts, facts, Anna Pávlovna! Anna Pávlovna, there are things which must be investigated and fully understood in order to speak of them,—things which are too serious, too serious—
Leoníd Fédorovich. And the child whom Márya Vasilevna saw plainly? I myself saw it. This girl could not do that!
Anna Pávlovna. You think that you are clever? But I tell you you are a fool!
Leoníd Fédorovich. Well, I will go away—Aleksyéy Vladímirovich, come to my room. (Goes into the cabinet.)
Professor (shrugging his shoulders, follows him). Oh, how far removed from Europe we still are!
Anna Pávlovna (to retreating Leonid Fédorovich). They have cheated him like a fool, and he does not see anything. (To Yákov.) What do you want?
Yákov. For how many persons shall I set the table?
Anna Pávlovna. For how many? Fédor Iványch, ​take the silver away from him! Out with him! He is the cause of everything. This man will bring me to the grave. Yesterday he came very near starving my dog, which had done him no harm. He is not satisfied with that. Last night he took the infected peasants to the kitchen, and now they are here again. He is the cause of everything. Out with him, this very minute! Discharge him, discharge him! (To Semén.) If you ever dare to make a noise in my house again, I will teach you!
Second Peasant. If he is not a good man, don't keep him! Discharge him, and that will be the end of it.
Anna Pávlovna (listening to him, looks at the Third Peasant). Look there! He has an eruption on his nose, an eruption! He is a sick man, a reservoir of infection! I told you yesterday not to let them in, and they are here again. Drive them out!
Fédor Iványch. Well, will you not order me to accept their money?
Anna Pávlovna. The money? Take the money, but drive them out this very minute, particularly that sick man! He is all rotten!
Third Peasant. In vain do you say this, motherkin, in vain! Let me say, ask my old woman and she will tell you that I am not rotten. I am like glass, let me say.
Anna Pávlovna. He dares discuss it. Out with them, out with them! They want to spite me! No, I cannot stand it, I cannot! Send for Peter Petróvich. (Runs out, sobbing. Yákov and Grigóri exeunt.)
Scene XXIV. The same, without Anna Pávlovna, Yákov, and Grigóri.
Tánya (to Betsy). My dear Lizavéta Leonídovna, what shall I do now?
Betsy. Nothing, nothing. Go with them to the village! I will arrange it all. (Exit.)
Scene XXV. Fédor Iványch, three peasants, Tánya, and Porter.
First Peasant. How is it, honourable man, about the reception of the sum?
Second Peasant. Let us depart!
Third Peasant (pushes forward with the money). If I had known this, I would never have undertaken it. This will dry me up worse than consumption.
Fédor Iványch (to Porter). Take them to my room. I have an abacus there. There I will receive it. Go, go!
Porter. Come, come!
Fédor Iványch. Thank Tánya for it! If it had not been for her, you would not have the land now.
First Peasant. In rivality, as she made the preposition, just so she advanced it into motion.
Third Peasant. She has made men of us. What should we have done without it? The land is small, there is not room enough to drive out a cow, nay, let me say, not even a chick. Good-bye, clever girl! When you come to the village, you will eat honey with us.
Second Peasant. When I get home, I will get ready for the wedding, and I will brew the beer. Be sure and come soon!
Tánya. I will, I will! (Squeaking.) Semén, isn't it nice? (Peasants exeunt.)
Scene XXVI. Fédor Iványch, Tánya, and Semén.
Fédor Iványch. God be with you! Remember this, Tánya! When you have your own house, I will come to be your guest. Will you receive me?
Tánya. My dear Fédor Iványch, I will receive you like a father! (Embraces and kisses him.)
Curtain.