# All the Works of Epictetus, Which Are Now Extant/Book 4/Chapter 13

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CHAPTER XIII.
Concerning Such as readily discover their own Affairs.
§. 1.When any one appears to us to discourse frankly of his own Affairs, we too are some Way induced to discover our Secrets to him; and we suppose this to be acting with Frankness. First, because it seems unfair, that, when we have heard the Affairs of our Neighbour, we should not, in return, communicate ours to him; and, besides, we think, that we shall not appear of a frank Character in concealing what belongs to ourselves. Indeed it is often said, "I have told you all my Affairs; and will you tell me none of yours? Where do People act thus?" Lastly, it is supposed, that we may safely trust him who hath already trusted us: for we imagine, that he will never discover our Affairs, for fear we, in our Turn, should discover his. It is thus that the Inconsiderate are caught by the Soldiers at Rome. A Soldier sits by you, in a common Dress, and begins to speak ill of Cæsar. Then you, as if you had received a Pledge of his Fidelity, by his first beginning the Abuse, say likewise what you think; and so you are led away in Chains to Execution.
​§. 2. Something like this is the Case with us in general. But when one hath safely intrusted his Secrets to me, shall I, in Imitation of him, trust mine to any one who comes in my Way? The Case is different. I indeed hold my Tongue, (supposing me to be of such a Disposition) but he goes, and discovers them to every body: and then, when I come to find it out, if I happen to be like him, from a Desire of Revenge, I discover his; and asperse, and am aspersed. But, if I remember, that one Man doth not hurt another, but that every one is hurt and profited by his own Actions, I indeed keep to this, not to do any thing like him: yet, by my own talkative Folly, I suffer what I do suffer.
§. 3. "Ay: but it is unfair, when you have heard the Secrets of your Neighbour, not to communicate any thing to him, in return."——Why, did I ask you to do it, Sir? Did you tell me your Affairs, upon Condition that I should tell you mine, in return? If you are a Blab, and believe all you meet to be Friends, would you have me too become like you? But, what if the Case be this: that you did right in trusting your Affairs to me, but it is not right that I should trust you? Would you have me run headlong, and fall? This is just as if I had a sound Barrel, and you a leaky one: and you should come and deposite your Wine with me to put it into my Barrel; and then should take it ill, that, in my Turn, I did not trust you with my Wine. No. You have a leaky Barrel. How then are we any longer upon equal Terms? You have deposited your Affairs with an honest Man, and a Man of Honour; one who esteems his own Actions alone, and nothing external, to be either hurtful or profitable. Would you have me deposite mine with you; a Man who have dishonoured your own Faculty of Choice, and who would get a paultry Sum, or a Post of Power or Preferment at ​Court, even if, for the Sake of it, you were to kill your own Children, like Medea? Where is the Equality of this? But show me, that you are faithful; a Man of Honour, steady; show me, that you have friendly Principles; show me, that your Vessel is not leaky; and you shall see, that I will not stay till you have trusted your Affairs to me; but I will come and intreat you to hear an Account of mine. For who would not make use of a good Vessel? Who despises a benevolent and friendly Adviser? Who will not gladly receive one to share the Burden, as it were, of his Difficulties; and, by sharing, to make it lighter?——"Well: "but I trust you, and you do not trust me."——In the first place, you do not really trust me; but you are a Blab, and therefore can keep nothing in. For, if the former be the Case, trust only me. But now, whomever you see at leisure, you sit down by him, and say, "My dear Friend, there is not a Man in the World that wishes me better, or hath more Kindness for me, than you; I intreat you to hear my Affairs." And this you do to those, with whom you have not the least Acquaintance. But, if you do [really] trust me, it is plainly as [thinking me] a Man of Fidelity and Honour; and not because I have told you my Affairs. Let me alone then, till I too am of this Opinion [with regard to You]. Show me, that, if a Person hath told his Affairs to any one, it is a Proof of his being a Man of Fidelity and Honour. For, if this was the Case, I would go about and tell my Affairs to the whole World; if, upon that Account, I should become a Man of Fidelity and Honour. But that is no such Matter; but requires a Person to have no ordinary Principles.
§. 4. If then you see any one taking Pains for Things that belong to others, and subjecting his Choice to them, be assured, that this Man hath a thousand Things to compell and restrain him. He ​hath no Need of burning Pitch, or the torturing Wheel, to make him tell what he knows; but the Nod of a Girl, for Instance, will shake his Purpose; the Good-will of a Courtier, the Desire of a public Post, of an Inheritance; ten thousand other Things of that Sort. It must therefore be remembered in general, that secret Discourses require Fidelity, and a certain Sort of Principles. And where at this Time, are these easily to be found? Pray let any one show me a Person of such a Disposition as to say, I trouble myself only with those Things which are my own, incapable of Restraint, by Nature free. This I esteem the Essence of Good. Let the rest be as it may happen. It makes no Difference to me.
End of the Discourses.