# Preparation for death/XV. OF THE EVIL OF DEADLY SIN

CONSIDERATION XV
Of the evil of Deadly Sin
"I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me." Isa. i. 2.
First Point.
WHAT does he do who commits a deadly sin? He insults God, he dishonours God, he embitters God. In the first place, by the deadly sin that he commits, he insults God. As S. Thomas observes, the malice of an injury is measured according to the person that does it and the person who receives it. It is very wicked to insult a peasant, but it is worse to insult a nobleman, and still much worse is it, to insult a monarch. Who is God? He is the King of kings: " Lord of lords and King of kings." (Rev. xvii. 14.) God is of infinite majesty, with respect to Whom all the princes of the earth, the saints, and the angels in heaven, are less than a grain of dust, " As a drop of a bucket .... and as the small dust of the balance." (Isa. xl. 15.) Nay, says Isaiah, compared with the greatness of God all creatures are as the smallest things, even as though they had never been: " All nations before him are as nothing." (Isa. xl. 17.) Even such is God; and who is man? S. Bernard answers, even a sack of worms, and food for worms, who, in a short time, will be devoured by worms, " Miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked." (Rev. iii. 17.) Man is a miserable worm that can do nothing; he is blind, and can see nothing; and poor and naked, and has nothing. And this miserable worm dares to insult God!
​S. Bernard exclaims, "What terrible majesty for vile dust to dare to irritate! The Angelic Doctor is right when he says, " that the sin of man contains a malice almost infinite. Sin has a certain infinity of malice from the infinity of the Divine Majesty." Nay, S. Augustine calls sin absolutely an " infinite evil! " Therefore it is, that if all men, and all angels, were to offer themselves to die, and to annihilation, they would not be able to make satisfaction for one single sin. God punishes deadly sin with the great punishment of hell; but however much God punishes the sinner for it, all theologians agree in saying that God punishes it " Citra condignnm" that is to say, with less punishment than deadly sin deserves. And what punishment can be great enough for a worm that tries to set itself up against its Lord? God is Lord of all, because He has created all things. " All things are in Thy power. .... Thou hast made all things." (Esther xiii. 9, 10, Vulg.) And in fact all creatures obey God: "The winds and the sea obey Him;" (S. Matt. viii. 27.) " Fire and hail, snow and vapours; wind and storm, fulfilling His word." (Ps. cxlviii. 8.) But what does man do when he sins? He says to God, Lord, I do not wish to serve Thee! " I have broken Thy yoke, and burst Thy bands." (Jer. ii. 20.) The Lord says to him, "Revenge not thyself;" and he answers, " I will revenge myself! " " Take not the property of thy neighbour." He replies, " But I wish to take it." " Give up this wicked pleasure." He returns, " I will not give it up! " The sinner says to God, even what Pharaoh said to Moses when he brought him the command from God that he should let the people go. The rash one answered: " Who is the Lord that I should obey His voice ..... I know not the Lord." (Exod. v. 2.) Even thus does the sinner say, " Lord, I know Thee not; I wish to do what pleases me." In short, he despises God, and turns away from Him; and it is indeed committing a deadly sin to turn away from God "A turning away from the unchangeable good," as S. Thomas observes.
Of this does the Lord complain. " Thou hast forsaken me," saith the Lord; " thou art gone backward." (Jer. xv. 6.) Thou hast been ungrateful, says God, thou hast left Me, since I would never have left thee; thou hast turned away from Me. God has ​declared that He hates sin, therefore He cannot do otherwise than hate him who sins, " For the ungodly and his ungodliness are both alike hateful unto God." (Wisd. xiv. 9.) When man sins, he is bold enough to declare himself the enemy of God. " He stretcheth out his hand against God, and strengtheneth himself against the Almighty." (Job xv. 25.) God is that powerful One Who, from nothing, but as it were with a " beck," has created the heaven and the earth: " God made them of things that were not." (2 Mace. vii. 28.) And if He wishes, He can with another "beck" destroy them all. "Who at a beck can cast down .... all the world." (2 Mace. viii. 18.) And when the sinner consents to sin, he stretches out his hand against God. He stretches out his neck that is to say, pride, and flies in the face of God; he arms himself with a thick shield, that is to say, with ignorance thickness being a symbol of ignorance and says: " What have I done? what harm is there in the sin I have committed? God is merciful; He pardons sinners." O my God, keep me from such boldness and blindness.
Affections and Prayers.
Behold, O my God, at Thy feet the rebellious one; the bold one, who has had the boldness to insult Thee so many times, and to turn away from Thee; but now I seek for mercy from Thee. Thou hast said, " Call unto Me, and I will answer thee." (Jer. xxxiii. 3.) I know that hell is a fitting punishment for me; but Thou knowest that I feel very sorry for having offended Thee, O Thou Infinite Goodness; more sorry than if I had lost everything I possess, and my life even. Ah, my Lord, pardon me, and never let me offend Thee more. Thou hast waited for me, so that I may for ever bless Thy mercy, and love Thee. Yes, I do bless and love Thee, and hope because of. the merits of Jesus Christ, never more to be separated from Thy love. Thy love has freed me from hell; and for the future, it must free me from sin. I thank Thee, my Lord, for this light, and for the desire ever to love Thee, which Thou dost give me. Ah, take me entirely into Thy possession, my soul, my body, my powers, my senses, my will, and my liberty, " I am Thine, ​O save me." Thou Who art my only good, my only adorable one, be also my only love. Give me zeal in loving Thee. I have offended Thee often enough, therefore it will not suffice to love Thee; I must love Thee very much, so that I may in some measure atone for the wrongs I have committed against Thee. I hope for it from Thee, O Thou Who art Omnipotent.
Second Point.
Not only does the sinner insult God, but he dishonours Him. "Through breaking the law dishonourest thou God." (Rom. ii. 23.) Yes, it is because He renounces His grace, and for a miserable pleasure treads under foot the friendship of God. If a man loses the Divine friendship to gain a kingdom for himself, and even the whole world, he would nevertheless commit a great evil, because is not the friendship of God worth far more than the world, or a thousand worlds? " Wherefore should the wicked blaspheme God? " (Ps. x. 14.)
For a little earth, for a fit of anger, for an impure pleasure, for a vapour, for a caprice: " Will ye pollute me .... for handfuls of barley, and for pieces of bread? " (Ezek. xiii. 19.) When the sinner begins to deliberate, whether or not he shall consent to sin, then, so to speak, he takes the scales in his hand, and ascertains which weighs the most, the grace of God, or that fit of temper, that vanity, and that pleasure; and when he consents to sin, he declares, as far as he is concerned, all these things are of far more importance than the Divine friendship. Behold God insulted by the sinner! When David was contemplating the grandeur and the majesty of God, he exclaimed, " Lord, who is like unto Thee? " (Ps. xxxv. 10.) But, on the contrary, when God sees a miserable pleasure compared to, and preferred rather than Himself, He says, " To whom then will ye liken Me, or shall I be equal? " (Isa. xl. 25.) Therefore the Lord says, "Is that vile pleasure worth more than My grace? " " Thou hast .... cast Me behind thy back." (Ezek. xxiii. 35.) You would not have committed that sin, if by committing it, you would lose your hand, or any sum of money, however small. Therefore God alone, as Salvian observes, is so contemptible in ​your sight that He deserves to be neglected for some worldly passion, or for a miserable pleasure. " In comparison with other things, God only was esteemed vile by thee."
Besides, when the sinner, because of some pleasure, offends God, that pleasure becomes his god, because he makes it his ultimate aim. S. Jerome observes: " That which any one desires, if he venerates it, becomes his god; a vice in the heart is an idol upon the altar." And S. Thomas says, " If you love pleasures, they are called thy god." And S. Cyprian, " Whatever man places before God, he makes a god to himself." When Jeroboam rebelled against God, he tried to draw the people with him into idolatry, and therefore he presented his gods unto them, and cried, " Behold thy gods, O Israel." (l Kings xii. 28.) Even so, does the devil present some gratification to the sinner, and say, " What hast thou to do with God? this pleasure is thy god. this passion; take it, and leave God." And when the sinner consents, he in his heart adores that pleasure as a God.
When the sinner dishonours God, he not only dishonours Him in His presence, but He dishonours Him to His face, because God is everywhere present. " I fill heaven and earth." (Jer. xxiii. 24.) And the sinner knows this, and for all that ceases not to provoke God, even in His presence. " A people that provoketh Me to anger continually to My face." (Isa. lxv. 3.)
Affections and Prayers.
Therefore, my God, Thou art an infinite good, and yet I have many times exchanged Thee for a miserable pleasure which was hardly obtained, before it vanished away. But Thou, although Thou hast been despised by me, dost now offer me pardon, if I desire it; and Thou dost promise to receive me into Thy grace, if only I repent for having offended Thee. Yes, my Lord, I repent with all my heart for having thus provoked Thee; I hate my sin more than any other evil. Behold, now that I return to Thee, Thou dost receive me and embrace me as a son. I thank Thee, O Infinite Goodness.
But now do Thou help me, and never more let me drive Thee from me. Hell will never cease to tempt me, but Thou art more ​powerful than hell. I know that if I always commend myself to Thee, I shall never more be separated from Thee. Therefore this is the grace that Thou must grant me, that I may always commend myself to Thee, and pray to Thee even as I now say to Thee, " Lord, assist me give me light, give me strength, give me perseverance, give me Paradise, but above all, give me Thy holy love, which is the true Paradise of the soul. I love Thee, O Thou Infinite Good, and I would ever love Thee. Hear me, for the love of Jesus Christ."
Third Point.
The sinner insults and dishonours God, and, by doing so, grieves Him very much. There is no bitterness more acute, than to be repaid with ingratitude by a person who has been loved and benefited. Who is it, then, that the sinner grieves? Even the God Who has created Him, and Who has loved him so much as to give His Blood and His life for the sinner's love. And the sinner, by committing a deadly sin, drives God away from his heart. God comes and dwells in a soul that He loves. " If a man love Me .... My Father will love him, and We will come unto him, and make Our abode with him." (S. John xiv. 23.) Take notice, " We will make Our abode." God enters the soul, ever to stay there, so that He never leaves it unless the soul drives Him away; and He does not leave it unless He is driven from it. But, Lord, Thou knowest that within a short time that ungrateful one will drive Thee away; why, therefore, dost Thou not now leave him? Why wait until he drives Thee away? Leave him before he shall offer Thee this great insult. But God says, " No, I will not leave him, until by his own free will he doth send Me away."
Therefore, when the soul consents to sin, it says, Lord, depart from me: " They say unto God, Depart from us." (Job xxi. 14.) It says so, not in words, but in actions, as S. Gregory observes, " Depart, not in words, but in deeds." The sinner knows full well that God cannot stay in the same place with sin; he knows that when he commits sin, God is forced to depart; therefore he exclaims, " Since Thou canst not remain when I commit sin, ​farewell, go." And, driving God away from his soul, he allows the devil to enter in immediately, to take possession of it. By the same door through which God departs, the enemy enters; " Then goeth he and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there." (S. Matt. xii. 45.) When a child is baptized, "the devil is commanded to depart from it with the words: " Depart, thou unclean spirit, and make room for the Holy Ghost." Yes, because that soul, by receiving grace, becomes the temple of God. " Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?" (i Cor. iii. 16.) But when a man consents to sin, he does the contrary, for he says to God, Who is dwelling in his soul, " Depart from me, O Lord, give place to the devil."
Would it not grieve you very much if you were to receive a great injury from some one to whom you had been very kind? This is the grief you have caused your God, Who gave His life even to save you.
The Lord calls upon heaven and earth, as it were, to pity Him because of the ingratitude which sinners show to Him. " Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for the Lord hath spoken, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against Me." (Isa. i. 2.) In fact, sinners with their sins give sorrow to God. " They rebelled and vexed His Holy Spirit." (Isa. lxiii. 10.) God is not able to feel grieved, but if He were, one deadly sin alone would be sufficient to cause Him great sorrow. As S. Bernard observes, " Sin, so far as it is possible, would destroy God Himself." Therefore, the sinner, when he commits a deadly sin, gives, as it were, a poison to God. " The ungodly is so proud, that he careth not for God." (Ps. x. 4.) And, as S. Paul declares, he " hath trodden under foot the Son of God," (Heb. x. 29,) for he despises all things that Jesus Christ hath done and suffered, to take away the sin of the world.
Affections and Prayers.
Therefore, my Redeemer, whenever I have committed sin, I have sent Thee away from my soul. Now I can hear Thee ask me, "Tell Me what I have done to Thee what have I done to ​offend Thee, that thou shouldst cause Me to feel so displeased?" Lord, dost Thou ask me what evil Thou hast done to me? This is the evil that Thou hast done me Thou hast given me my being, and Thou hast died for me. What answer, then, can I make? I can only say I deserve hell many times over, and that Thou hast just cause to send me there. But call to mind that love which made Thee die for me, upon the Cross: call to mind that Blood which Thou didst shed for me, and have mercy upon me. But I feel that Thou dost not wish me to despair; nay, Thou makest me to feel that Thou art standing at the door of my heart, from which I had driven Thee away, and that Thou art knocking with Thy inspirations, at this door to enter therein. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock." (Rev. iii. 20.) Thou dost tell me to open to Thee, " Open to Me, My sister." (Sol. Song v. 2.) Yes, Lord Jesus, I drive away every sin from my heart, I grieve with all my heart because of my sin, and I love Thee above all things. Enter, my love, the door is open enter, and do Thou never more go away. Bind me to Thee with Thy love, and never allow me to be separated from Thee. No, my God, never more will I willingly be separated from Thee. I embrace Thee and I bind Thee to my heart, but do Thou give me holy perseverance. Grant that I may never be separated from Thee.