# The Comedies of Plautus: Literally Translated into English Prose, with Notes/Volume 1/Menaechmi/Act I

MENÆCHMI;
OR, THE TWIN-BROTHERS.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]
A Sicilian merchant {Mercator} who had two sons, on one being stolen from him (Ei), ended his life. As a name (Nomen) for him who is at home, his paternal grandfather (Avus) gives him that of Menæchmus instead of Sosicles. And (Et) he, as soon as he is grown up, goes to seek his brother about (Circum) All countries. At last he comes to Epidamnus; hither (Huc) the one that was stolen has been carried. All think that the stranger, Menæchmus (Menæchmum), is their fellow-citizen, and address him (Eum) as such: Courtesan, wife, and father-in-law. There (Ibi) at last the brothers mutually recognize each other.
THE PROLOGUE.
In the first place now, Spectators, at the commencement, do I wish health and happiness to myself and to you. I bring you Plautus, with my tongue, not with my hand: I beg that you will receive him with favouring ears. Now learn the argument, and give your attention; in as few words as possible will I be brief. And, in fact, this subject is a Greek one; still, it is not an Attic, but a Sicilian one. But in their Comedies the poets do this; they feign that all the business takes place at Athens, in order that it may appear ​the more Grecian to you. I will not tell you that this matter happened anywhere except where it is said to have happened. This has been my preface to the subject of this play. Now will I give the subject, meted out to you, not in a measure, nor yet in a threefold measure, but in the granary itself; so great is my heartiness in telling you the plot.
Act I.—Scene I.
Enter Peniculus.
Pen. The young men have given me the name of Peniculus, for this reason, because when I eat, I wipe the tables clean.*********The persons who bind captives with chains, and who put fetters upon runaway slaves, act very foolishly, in my opinion at least. For if bad usage is added to his misfortune for a wretched man, the greater is his inclination to run away and to do amiss. For by some means or other do they release themselves from the chains; while thus fettered, they either wear away a link with a file, or else with a stone they knock out the nail; 'tis a mere trifle this. He whom you wish to keep securely that he may not run away, with meat and with drink ought he to be chained; do you bind down the mouth of a man to a full table. So long as you give him what to eat and what to drink at his own pleasure in abundance every day, i' faith he'll never run away, even if he has committed an offence that's capital; easily will you secure him so long as you shall bind him with such chains. So very supple are these chains of food, the more you stretch them so much the more tightly do they bind. But now I'm going directly to Menæchmus; whither for this long time I have been sentenced, thither of my own accord I am going, that he may enchain me. For, by my troth, this man does not nourish persons, but he quite rears and reinvigorates them; no one administers medicine more agreably. Such is this young man; himself with a very well-stocked larder, he gives dinners fit for Ceres; so does he heap the tables up, and piles so vast of dishes does he arrange, you must stand on your couch if you wish for anything at the top. But I have now had an interval these many days, while I've been lording it at home all along ​together with my dear ones;—for nothing do I eat or purchase but what it is most dear. But inasmuch as dear ones, when they are provided, are in the habit of forsaking us, I am now paying him a visit. But his door is opening; and see, I perceive Menæchmus himself; he is coming out of doors.
Scene II.—Enter Menæchmus of Epidamnus, from his house.
Men. (speaking at the door to his Wife within). Unless you were worthless, unless you were foolish, unless you were stark wild and an idiot, that which you see is disagreeable to your husband, you would deem to be so to yourself as well. Moreover, if after this day you do any such thing to me, I'll force you, a divorced woman, turned out of my doors to go visit your father. For as often as I wish to go out of the house, you are detaining me, calling me back, asking me questions; whither I am going, what matter I am about, what business I am transacting, what I am wanting, what I am bringing, what I have been doing out of doors? I've surely brought home a custom-house officer as my wife; so much am I obliged to disclose all my business, whatever I have done and am doing. I've had you hitherto indulged too much. Now, therefore, I'll tell you how I am about to act. Since I find you handsomely in maids, provisions, wool, gold trinkets, garments, and purple, and you are wanting in nought, you'll beware of a mischief if you're wise; you'll leave off watching your husband. (In a lower voice.) And therefore, that you mayn't be watching me in vain, for your pains I shall find me a mistress to-day, and invite her to dinner somewhere out of doors.
Pen. (apart). This fellow pretends that he's upbraiding his wife, but he's addressing myself; for if he does dine out of doors, he really is punishing me, not his wife.
Men. (to himself). Hurra! I' troth, by my taunts I've driven my wife from the door at last. Where now are your ​intriguing husbands? Why do they hesitate, all returning thanks, to bring presents to me who have fought so gallantly? This mantle of my wife's (taking it from under his cloak) I've just now stolen from in-doors, and I'm taking it to my mistress. This way it's proper for a clever trick to be played this knowing husband-watcher. This is a becoming action, this is right, this is skilful, this is done in workman-like style; inasmuch as at my own risk I've taken this from my plague, this same shall be carried off to destruction. With the safety of my allies I've gained a booty from the foe.
Pen. (aloud, at a distance). Harkye! young man; pray what share have I in that booty?
Men. I'm undone; I've fallen into an ambuscade.
Pen. Say a safeguard rather. Don't be afraid.
Men. What person's this? Pen. 'Tis I. (Coming up to him.)
Men. O my convenient friend—O my ready occasion, save you.
Pen. And save you. (They shake hands.) Men. What are you about?
Pen. Holding my good Genius in my right hand.
Men. You couldn't have come to me more à propos than you have come.
Men. I'm in the habit of doing so; I understand all the points of ready occasion.
Men. Would you like to be witness of a brilliant exploit?
Pen. What cook has cooked it? I shall know at once if he has made any mistake, when I see the remnants.
Men. Tell me—did you ever see a picture painted on a wall, where the eagle is carrying off Ganymede, or Venus Adonis?
Pen. Many a time. But what are these pictures to me?
Men. Come, look at me. Do I at all bear any resemblance to them?
Pen. What's this garb of yours?
Men. Pronounce me to be a very clever fellow.
Pen. Where are we to feed? Men. Only do you say that which I requested you.
Pen. Well, I do say so; very clever fellow.
Men. And don't you venture to add anything of your own to it?
Pen. —And very pleasant fellow. Men. Go on.
Pen. I' faith, I really can't go on, unless I know for what reason. You've had a fall-out with your wife; on that ground am I the more strongly on my guard against you.
Men. While you are interrupting me, you are delaying yourself.
Pen. Knock out my only eye, Menæchmus, if I speak one word but what you bid me.
Men.****where, unknown to my wife, we will erect the funeral pile** ​
Pen. Well, come then, since you request what's fair, how soon am I to set fire to the pile? Why, really, the day's half dead already down to its navel.
Men. Come this way from the door.
Pen. Be it so. (Moves from the door.) Men. Come still more this way.
Pen. Very well. (Moves.) Men. Even still, step aside boldly from the lioness's den.
Pen. (still moving). Well done; by my troth, as I fancy, you really would be an excellent charioteer.
Men. Why so? Pen. That your wife mayn't follow you, you are looking back ever and anon.
Men. But what say you? Pen. What, I? Why, whatever you choose, that same do I say, and that same do I deny.
Men. Could you make any conjecture at all from the smell, if perchance you were to take a smell at something?
Pen. Were the college of Augurs summoned*******
Men. (holds out the skirt of the mantle). Come then, take a sniff at this mantle that I'm holding. What does it smell of? Do you decline?
Pen. It's as well to smell the top of a woman's garment; for at this other place the nose is offended with an odour that can't be washed out.
Men. (holding another part). Take a smell here then, Peniculus, as you are so daintily nice.
Pen. Ver well. (He smells it.) Men. How now? What does it smell of? Answer me.
​Pen. Theft, a mistress, and a breakfast. To you*******
Men. You have spoken out*****now it shall be taken to this mistress of mine, the Courtesan Erotium. I'll order a breakfast at once to be got ready, for me, you, and her; then will we booze away even to the morrow's morning star.
Pen. Capital. You've spoken out distinctly. Am I to knock at the door then?
Men. Knock—or hold, rather. Pen. You've removed the goblet a full mile by that.
Men. Knock gently. Pen. You're afraid, I think, that the doors are made of Samian crockery. (Goes to knock.)
Men. Hold, prithee, hold, i' faith; see, she's coming out herself. (The door of Erotium's house is opened.) Ha you behold the sun, is it not quite darkened in comparison with the bright rays of her passion.
Scene III.—Enter Erotium, from her house.
Ero. My life, Menæchmus, save you.
Pen. And what for me? Ero. You are out of my number.
Pen.*****that same thing is wont to be done for the other supernumeraries of the legion.
Men. I would order a skirmish to be got ready there at your house for me to-day.
Ero. To-day it shall be done.
Men. In that skirmish we two shall drink. Him shall you choose that shall be found there the better warrior with the goblet; do you make up your mind with which of the two you'll pass this night. How much, my love, when I look upon you, do I hate my wife.
​Ero. Meantime, however, you cannot help being wrapped in something of hers. What's this? (Takes hold of the mantle.)
Men. (taking it off). 'Tis a new dress for you, and a spoil from my wife, my rosebud.
Ero. You have a ready way of prevailing, so as to be superior in my eyes to any one of those that pay me suit. (Embraces him.)
Pen. (aside). The harlot's coaxing in the meantime, while she's looking out what to plunder*******(to Erotium) for if you really loved him, by this his nose ought to have been off with your teething him.
Men. Take hold of this, Peniculus: I wish to dedicate the spoil that I've vowed.
Pen. Give it me. (Holds it while Menæchmus puts it on.) But, i' faith, prithee, do dance afterwards with the mantle on in this way.
Men. I—dance? I' faith, you're not in your senses.
Pen. Are you or I the most? If you won't dance, then take it off.
Men. (to Erotium). At a great risk have I stolen this to-day. In my opinion, indeed, Hercules didn't ever carry off the belt from Hippolyta with danger as great. Take this for yourself (he takes it off, and gives her the mantle), since you are the only one alive that's compliant with my humours.
Ero. With such feelings 'tis proper that real lovers should be animated.
Pen. (aside). Those, indeed, who are making haste to bring themselves down to beggary.
Men. I purchased that for my wife a year since at the price of four minæ.
Pen. (aside). The four minæ are clearly gone for ever, as the account now stands.
​Men. Do you know what I wish you to attend to?
Ero. I don't know; but I'll attend to whatever you do wish.
Men. Order a breakfast, then, to be provided for us three at your house, and some dainties to be purchased at the market; kernels of boars' neck, or bacon off the gammon, or pig's head, or something in that way, which, when cooked and placed on table before me, may promote an appetite like a kite's: and—forthwith——
Ero. I' faith, I will. Men. We're going to the Forum: we shall be here just now. While it's cooking, we'll take a whet in the meantime.
Ero. Come when you like, the things shall be ready.
Men. Only make haste, then. Do you follow me (to Peniculus).
Pen. By my troth, I certainly shall keep an eye on you, and follow you. I wouldn't take the wealth of the Gods to lose you this day.
(Exeunt Menæchmus and Peniculus.
Ero. (speaking at the door of her house). Call Cylindrus, the cook, out of doors this moment from within.
Scene IV.—Enter Cylindrus, from the house.
Ero. Take a hand-basket and some money. See, you have three didrachms here. (Giving him money.)
Cyl. I have so. Ero. Go and bring some provisions, see that there's enough for three; let it be neither deficient nor overmuch.
Cyl. What sort of persons are these to be?
Ero. Myself, Menæchmus, and his Parasite.
Cyl. Then these make ten, for the Parasite easily performs the duty of eight persons.
Ero. I've now told you the guests; do you take care of the rest.
Cyl. Very well. It's cooked already; bid them go and take their places.
Ero. Make haste back. Cyl. I'll be here directly.
(Exit Cylindrus, and Erotium goes into her house.
* ↑ In the first)—Ver. 1. This play was the foundation of Shakspeare's Comedy of Errors. See the Note at the end of the Play.
* ↑ Health and happiness)—Ver. 1. "Salutem propitiam." Literally, "propitious health."
* ↑ It is not an Attic)—Ver. 7. "Græcissat—Atticissat—Sicelissat." Perhaps these words might be more literally translated, "Græcize," "Atticize," and "Sicilicize."
* ↑ At Athens)—Ver. 10. As the majority of the Greek Comic Poets were either natives of, or residents at, Athens, they would naturally take that extensive, opulent, and bustling city as the scene of many of their Comedies. In the time of Plautus, Greek was yet the language of the Sicilians. In Cicero's time the language of the Sicilians was a mixture, partly Greek and partly Latin. Apuleius informs us that in his day they spoke Greek, Latin, and a language peculiar to themselves called the Sicilian.
* ↑ A threefold measure)—Ver. 15. "Trimodius." This was a measure for corn, consisting of three "modii," which last contained about a peck of English measure.
* ↑ At Syracuse)—Ver. 17. Syracuse was the principal city of Sicily famed for its commerce and opulence.
* ↑ Foster-mother)—Ver. 19. "Mater." Literally, "mother."
* ↑ At Tarentum)—Ver. 27. Tarentum was a city of Calabria, in the south of Italy. It was said to have been founded by the Lacedæmonians.
* ↑ To Epidamnus)—Ver. 33. Epidamnus, or Epidamnum, was a town of Macdonia, situate on the Adriatic Sea. It was much resorted to for the purpose of transit to the opposite shores of Italy. It received its original name from Epidamnus, one of its kings; but on falling into the possession of the Romans, they changed its name, as we are informed by Pliny the Elder, into Dyrrachium, from a superstitious notion that when they were going to "Epidamnum," they were going "to their loss," as "damnus" is the Latin for "loss" or "destruction," and επί, or "epi," is the Greek preposition signifyingto Cicero was banished to this place.
* ↑ Cried with much noise)—Ver. 48. Probably the word "flagitarier" means that the lost child was cried publicly by the "præco," or "crier."
* ↑ If any one of you)—Ver. 51. This is said facetiously to the Audience for the purpose of catching a laugh.
* ↑ Very much more mistaken)—Ver. 55. Because he will keep the money and not execute the commission.
* ↑ In its rapidity)—Ver. 65. He means to pun upon the words "rapidus," "rapid" or "carrying away," and "raptor," the "carrier away" or "ravisher." "The stream carried the carrier away."
* ↑ Name of Peniculus)—Ver. 77. This word means "a sponge" which was fastened to a stick, and was used for the purpose of cleansing tables. He says that the youths so called him from his own propensity for clearing the tables of their provisions. The tails of foxes and of oxen were also used as "peniculi." Colman and Warner, in their translations of Terence and Plautus, render the word "dishclout."
* ↑ Fit for Ceres)—Ver. 101. As Ceres was the Goddess of corn and the giver of plenty, the entertainments in honor of her would of course be very bounteous.
* ↑ With my dear ones)—Ver. 105. "Cum caris meis." When he says this, it might be supposed that he is meaning his family by these words of endearment. The next line shows that such is not the case. He has had a supply of victuals, purchased at his own cost; he has been consuming these victuals, and right dear (carissimum) has he found them. He is now coming out to look for Menæchmus, and to make up for lost time.
* ↑ A custom-house officer)—Ver. 117. The "portitores" examined those who landed or embarked at any port, to see that they had no merchandize about them which had not paid duty. They also made the necessary enquiries who the parties were, and what was their destination. He compares his wife to one of these inquisitive persons
* ↑ This mantle)—Ver. 130. The "palla," a kind of "mantle" or "cloak," was worn indifferently by both sexes among the Greeks and Romans. This will account for the circumstance of Menæchmus Sosicles wearing, as we shall see in the sequel, the "palla" of a female, without expecting to attract the notice of passers-by. The "palla," which by the prose writers is also called "pallium," was used for many other purposes than that of a garment. See Dr. Smiths' Dictionary of Greek and Roman Antiquities.
* ↑ To destruction)—Ver. 133. "Ad damnum." He calls the Courtesan "damnum," "sheer loss" or "wastefulness" par éminence.
* ↑ Of my allies)—Ver. 134. By these he means the Courtesan Erotium and the Parasite Peniculus, who have run no risk by helping him to filch away the mantle.
* ↑ What share have I)—Ver. 135. Thinking himself alluded to as one of the "socii" or "allies," the Parasite immediately appears before him and asks what share, then, he is to have of the booty.
* ↑ When I see the remnants)—Ver. 142. He thinks that Menæchmus is alluding to something in the eating way, and says that he can tell whether the cook has done his duty well or not, by only looking at the scraps of the entertainment.
* ↑ Ganymede)—Ver. 144. He is mentioned in the text under another name of a gross nature. Ganymede was the son of Tros, King of Troy. Jupiter was said, in the form of an eagle, to have carried him off, and made him cupbearer to the Gods, in the place of Hebe, the Goddess of youth.
* ↑ Come, look at me)—Ver. 145. Saying this, he probably takes the "palla" from behind him, and putting it on, stalks about with it upon him. This he could do without the risk of being seen by his wife, as on the Roman stage a number of streets and lanes were seen to terminate, up which the actor would go a little way to escape observation from a house situate just at the end of another street. He means to ask the Parasite if he does not quite equal Ganymede or Adonis, as represented in the pictures, by reason of his tasteful attire.
* ↑ On my guard)—Ver. 151. As Menæchmus has fallen out with his wife, the Parasite thinks there is no chance of a "cœna" at his house. He is the more careful then to make enquiries, lest Menæchmus should contrive to baulk him of his banquet altogether.
* ↑ My only eye)—Ver. 152. By this it appears that Peniculus has but one eye. In the Curculio, the Parasite of that name is also represented as having but one eye.
* ↑ Let us consume this day)—Ver. 155. He supposes the day to be dead so far as business is concerned; the "cœna," which generally commenced about three o'clock in the afternoon (and sometimes, perhaps, the "prandium" as well), was followed by "potatio" or "drinking," which by such characters as Menæchmus and the Parasite would be prolonged to midnight, when they would see the day dead, and celebrate its funeral in their orgies.
* ↑ To its navel)—Ver. 157. "Umbilicus," the "navel," was a term much used to signify the middle part of anything. Thus Delphi was called the "umbilicus," or "navel," of the world.
* ↑ An excellent charioteer)—Ver. 160. The drivers of the chariots at the Circensian games were called "agitatores." Of course they would look back every now and then to see how near their opponents were, that they might keep the lead.
* ↑ You've removed)—Ver. 178. Peniculus now loses patience, and reflects that there is many a slip between the cup and the lip.
* ↑ Supernumeraries)—Ver. 184. The "adscriptivi," who were also called "accensi," were a body of reserve troops who followed the Roman army without any military duties to perform, and who were drafted off to supply the deficiencies in the legions. In battle they were placed in the rear of the army. Of course they could not claim the same advantages as the regular soldier; and his own position is likened by the Parasite to theirs.
* ↑ A spoil from)—Ver. 191. "Exuviæ" means either the slough or cast skin of a snake, or the spoil taken from the enemy. Perhaps the latter is the sense in which it is here meant, as he has described his operations as a perfect campaign.
* ↑ With your teething him)—Ver. 195. Judging from this remark, perhaps she has accidentally forgotten to hiss her dupe, Menæchmus.
* ↑ From Hippolyta)—Ver. 200. Hercules was commanded by Eurystheus to obtain the belt or girdle of Hippolyta, or Antiope, the Queen of the Amazons. This he effected, and gave her in marriage to his companion Theseus, by whom, after giving birth to Hippolytus, she was put to death. Some accounts, however, state that she was slain by Hercules.
* ↑ Bacon off the gammon)—Ver. 210. He facetiously calls bacon "pernonides," literally, "the son of the gammon."
* ↑ Duty of eight persons)—Ver. 223. Athenæus, Book I., quotes a passage from Eubulus, the Comic writer, where he represents a Parasite as being counted of two or even three at table.