# The Comedies of Plautus: Literally Translated into English Prose, with Notes/Volume 2/Epidicus/Act IV

Act IV.—Scene I.
Enter Periphanes.
Peri. (to herself.) Not only for the sake of the faee were it right for men to have a mirror for themselves wherein to look at their faces; but one with which they might be enabled to examine the heart of discretion, and therefore be able to examine the resources of the mind; when they had looked in that, they might afterwards consider how they had once passed their lives in youth. Just as myself, for instance, who, for the sake of my son, began to torment myself in mind, as though my son had been guilty of some offence against me, or as though my own misdeeds had not been most heavy in my youth. In truth, we old fellows are out of our senses sometimes. This, in my own opinion at least, has proved advantageous. But my friend Apæcides is coming with the spoil. I'm glad that the negotiator has returned safe.
Scene II.—Enter Apæcides, with a Music-girl.
Peri. How goes it? Ap. The Gods and Goddesses are favouring you.
Peri. The omen pleases me. Ap. A person with whom all things go on prosperously. But do you order her to be taken in-doors.
Peri. (going to the door of his house, and calling.) Hallo there! come out of doors here, some one. (A Servant comes out.) Take that woman into the house! And, do you hear?
Ser. What do you desire?
Peri. Take care you don't permit this woman to associate with my daughter, or to see her. Now do you understand? I wish her to be shut up apart in that little chamber; there's a great difference between the manners of a maiden and a courtesan. (The Servant leads the Music-girl into the house.)
Ap. You speak cleverly judiciously; each man cannot keep too strict a guard upon the chastity of his daughter. Upon my faith, we certainly did forestall this woman from your son just in time.
Peri. Why so? Ap. Because another person told me that he had just seen your son here.
Peri. I' troth, he was stirring in this business.
​Ap. Upon my faith, it really is so, clearly. You really have a clever servant, and worth any price.
Peri. At his weight in gold he would not be dear.
Ap. How well he kept that Music-girl quite in ignorance that she was purchased for you; so full of joke and fun did he bring her hither along with him.
Peri. It's wonderful how that could be managed.
Ap. He said that you were going to offer a sacrifice at home for your son, because he had returned safe from Thebes.
Peri. He hit upon the right thing.
Ap. Yes, and he himself told her that she had been hired to assist you here in the sacrifice. He said that you were about to perform it, and that you had a sacrifice at home. But I then made pretence that I was ignorant, as it were, inasmuch as I made myself out half-witted.
Peri. Why yes; it was right to do so.
Ap. An important trial of a friend is going on at the Forum; I want to go as his advocate.
Peri. Go, and when you have leisure, return to me immediately.
Ap. I'll be here just now.
(Exit.
Peri. (to himself). Nothing is there more opportune to a man than a friend in need; without labour of your own, what you want is done nevertheless. If I had commissioned any one upon this business, a less skilful person, and less fitted for this matter, he would have been gulled; and so, grinning with his white teeth, my son would have most deservedly laughed at me. But who is this I see coming this way, that with his swaggering makes his scarf to be streaming in the wind? (He stands aside.)
Scene III.—Enter a Captain, with his Servant.
Capt. (to his Servant). Take care not to pass by any house without asking where lives the old gentleman, Peri- ​phanes of Plothea. Take care that you don't return to me without knowing it.
Peri. (coming forward). Young man, if I point out to you the person whom you are in search of, what thanks shall I get of you?
Capt. In arms, by the might of war, I've deserved that all people ought to give me thanks.
Peri. You haven't found out, young man, a tranquil spot where to recount your virtues as you wish; for, if an inferior vaunts his battles to a superior, by his lips they become soiled; but this Periphanes of Plothea whom you are seeking, I am he, if you want him for anything.
Capt. Him, you mean, who in his youth among kings in arms, by his skill in war, gained vast wealth?
Peri. Aye, if you were to hear of my achievements, dropping your hands you would run off home.
Capt. I' faith, I'm rather in search of one to whom to speak of my own, than of one to be speaking of his to me.
Peri. This is not the place for it. Do you then look out for another person, into whom to stuff your scraps of nonsense. (Aside.) And yet this is folly, for me to impute that to him as a fault, which I myself used to do in my youth when I was a soldier; in recounting my battles I used to tear out men's ears by the roots, when I had once begun.
Capt. Lend your attention, that you may learn what I've come to you about. I've heard that you have purchased my mistress.
Peri. (aside). Heyday! now at last I know who he is; the officer whom Epidicus was telling me about a short time since. (To the Officer.) Young man, it is as you say; I have purchased her.
Capt. I want a few words with you, if it is not inconvenient to you.
Peri. Upon my faith, I don't know whether it's convenient or not, until perhaps you say what you want.
​Capt. I want you to transfer her to me, and take the ransom. Peri. You may have her.
Capt. But why should I hesitate to speak out to you? I wish at once to make her my freed-woman, that she may be my mistress.
Peri. I'll make short work with you; she was bought for me for fifty minæ of silver; if sixty minæ are paid down to me, I'll let the damsel employ your holidays, and so assuredly so, that, if you like, you may remove her from this country.
Capt. Is she then purchased by me?
Peri. On those terms you may have her. You have made a good bargain. (Going to the door of his house.) Hallo there! bring out of doors the Music-girl you took in. The harp, too, as well, that was thrown in with her, I'll make you a present of it for nothing.
Enter a Servant, from the house, leading out the Music-girl.
Peri. (taking her by the hand and leading her to the Captain). Come, take her, please.
Capt. What madness possesses you? What mystery are you devising for me? Why don't you order the Music-girl to be brought from in-doors?
Peri. Why, this is the Music-girl. There's no other one here.
Capt. You can't impose on me. Why don't you bring out here the Music-girl Acropolistis?
Peri. This, I tell you, is she.
Capt. This, I tell you, is not she. Do you suppose that I can't know my own mistress?
Peri. It was this Music-girl, I tell you, for whom my son was dying with love.
​Capt. This is not she. Peri. How, not she?
Capt. It is not. Peri. Where in the world, then, does she come from? For my part, i' faith, I certainly paid the money for her.
Capt. Foolishly paid, I guess, and a mighty mistake.
Peri. Nay, but this is she; for I sent the servant who is in the habit of attending my son; he himself this moment purchased the Music-girl.
Capt. Well then, this fellow has cut you up joint by joint, old gentleman, this servant of yours. Peri. How, cut me up?
Capt. Such is my suspicion; for she has been palmed upon you for that Music-girl. Old gentleman, you've been bubbled clearly and cleverly. I shall now go seek her wherever she is. Warrior, farewell! (Exeunt the Officer and Servant.
Peri. (stamping with rage). Bravo, bravo! Epidicus. You're a clever fellow! You have fought well—you're a man! you've wiped my nose when snivelling, worthless fellow that I am! (To the Music-girl.) Did Apæcides purchase you to-day of the procurer? (A pause.) Come now, tell me.
Mus.-G. I never heard of that person before to-day, nor, indeed, was any one able to purchase me for any money; I've been free now for more than five years.
Peri. What business have you, then, at my house?
Mus.-G. You shall hear; I came, being hired to perform for an old gentleman while he was sacrificing.
Peri. I do confess that I am the most worthless of all men in Athens of Attica. But do you know Acropolistis the Music-girl?
Mus.-G. As well as my own self. Peri. Where does she live?
Mus.-G. Since she has been made free, I don't know for certain. Peri. Well now, I should like to know who has made her free, if you know?
Mus.-G. That which I have heard, you shall hear; I heard that Stratippocles, the son of Periphanes, had provided in his absence that she should be made free.
​Peri. By heavens, I'm undone, most clearly, if these things are true. Epidicus has disembowelled my purse!
Mus.-G. I've heard to that effect. Do you want me for anything else?
Peri. Away to perdition in the veriest torments, and off this instant!
Mus.-G. Won't you give me back my harp?
Peri. Neither harp nor pipes. Make haste, then, and escape from here, if the Gods love you!
Mus.-G. I'll be off. At a future time, however, you'll restore it, with the greater disgrace to yourself.
(Exit.
Peri. (to himself). What now? Shall I, who have been placed before so many edicts, allow him to get off with impunity? No; even though as much again should be required to be lost, I'll lose it rather than allow myself to be held in derision with impunity and plundered by them. That I should have been thus cheated openly to my face, and that I should have been set at nought before this Apæcides, who is famed as being the framer and founder of all the laws and ordinances! He too declares that he is a wise man! that the hammer, forsooth, should be wiser than the handle! (He stands aside.)
Scene IV.—Enter Philippa, at a distance.
Phil. (to herself). If a mortal being has aught of misery, through which, miserable creature, to be wretched from the heart, that same do I experience, for whom full many a woe unites in the same spot, which, all, at the same instant are ​beating against my breast. A multitude of troubles keep me in suspense. Poverty and misery alarm the thoughts of my heart; nor have I anywhere a spot of safety where to fix my hopes; in such a way has my daughter fallen into the power of the enemy; nor do I know where she now is.
Peri. (apart). Who is this woman coming from a distance with a breast filled with alarms, and who thus bewails her lot?
Phil. (to herself). It was told me that Periphanes was living in this neighbourhood.
Peri. (apart). She's mentioning me; need of hospitality has befallen her, I suppose.
Phil. (to herself). I would be very willing to give a reward to any one who would point me out that man, or where he dwells.
Peri. (apart). I recognize her; for I think I have seen her before; where, I know not. Is it, or is it not she, whom my mind suspects her to be?
Phil. (seeing him). Good Gods! I have seen this person before!
Peri. (to himself). It surely is she, a poor woman whom I remember having an intrigue with at Epidaurus.
Phil. (to herself). Surely it is he, who at Epidaurus first violated my maiden modesty.
Peri. (to himself). She who had the daughter by me whom I've now got at home.
Phil. (to herself). What if I accost him?
Peri. (to himself). I don't know whether to make up to her. If this is she——
Phil. (to herself). But if it is the man, as length of years renders me doubtful——
Peri. (to himself). Length of time renders my mind uncertain. But if it is she, whom with some doubt I conjecture it to be, I'll accost her circumspectly.
Phil. (to herself). A woman's artfulness must be employed by me.
Peri. (to himself). I'll address her.
​Phil. (to herself). I'll bring my powers of conversation to bear against him.
Peri. (accosting her). Health to you!
Phil. That health I accept for me and mine.
Peri. What besides
Phil. Health to yourself; what you lent me, I return.
Peri. I don't impeach your punctuality. Don't I know you?
Phil. If I know you, I'll move your feelings, so that you shall know me.
Peri. Where have I been in the habit of seeing you?
Phil. You are unfairly hard upon me.
Peri. Why so? Phil. Because you think it right that I should be the prompter of your memory.
Peri. You speak to the purpose.
Phil. You say what's strange to me, Periphanes.
Peri. Ah now! that's better. Do you remember, Philippa——
Phil. Yes, I remember that. Peri. At Epidaurus——
Phil. Ah! you have moistened my burning breast with a little drop of comfort.
Peri. How I relieved the poverty of you, a poor young maiden, and your mother?
Phil. What, are you he who for your own gratification brought heavy troubles upon me?
Peri. I am he. Health to you.
Phil. I am in health, since I see you in health.
Peri. Give me your hand.
Phil. (extending her hand, which he takes). Take it—you hold by the hand a woman distrest and full of woes.
Peri. What is it that disturbs your features?
Phil. The daughter whom I had by you——
Peri. What of her? Phil. When I had brought her up, I lost her; she fell into the hands of the enemy.
Peri. Keep your mind in quiet and at rest. Why look, she's here at my house safe and sound. For immediately I heard from my servant that she was a captive, instantly I gave the money for her to be purchased; he managed this affair as discreetly and frugally as in other matters he is egregiously—dishonest.
​Phil. Let me see her, whether it is she or no.
Peri. (going to the door of his house). Hallo there! you—Cauthara, this instant bid my daughter come out before the house, that she may see her mother.
Phil. My spirits now at last return to me.
Scene V.—Enter Acropolistis, from the house.
Acro. Why is it, father, that you have called me out before the house?
Peri. That you may see and accost your mother, and wish her health on her arrival, and give her kisses.
Acro. (looking about). What mother of mine?
Peri. (pointing to Philippa). She who, half dead, is following your gaze.
Phil. Who is this that you are requesting to kiss me?
Peri. Your own daughter. Phil. What, she?
Peri. She. Phil. What—am I to kiss her?
Peri. Why not, her who was born of you?
Phil. Man, you are mad. Peri. What, I?
Phil. Yes, you. Peri. Why?
Phil. Because this woman—I neither know nor understand who she is, nor have I beheld her with my eyes before this day.
Peri. I know why you are mistaken; because this woman has her dress and ornaments changed.
Phil. Puppies have one smell, pigs quite another; I say that I do not know her, who she is.
Peri. (stamping with rage). Oh! by our trust in Gods and men, what is this? Am I following the calling of a Procurer, to be keeping strange women in my house, and to be emptying my house of my money? (To Acropolistis.) What are you to be calling me your father and kissing me? Why stand you stupidly there? Why do you keep silent?
​Acro. What do you want me to say?
Peri. (pointing to Philippa). She denies that she is your mother.
Acro. Don't let her be so, if she don't choose. For my own part, whether she likes it or not, I shall be my mother's daughter still. It isn't right for me to compel this woman to be my mother if she doesn't like.
Peri. Why then did you call me father?
Acro. That is your own fault, not mine; ought I not to call you father when you call me daughter? Her too, as well (pointing to Philippa), if she were to call me daughter, I should call mother. She declares that I am not her daughter; then she is not my mother. In fine, this is no fault of mine; what I've been taught, I've told you all of it. Epidicus was my instructor.
Peri. I'm undone! I've upset my waggon!
Acro. Have I done anything amiss towards that?
Peri. Upon my faith, if I ever hear you call me father, I'll put an end to your life, you jade!
Acro. I shan't call you so. When you want to be my father, then be so; when you don't want, don't be my father.
Phil. (to Periphanes). What? Did you purchase her for that reason, because you supposed her to be your daughter? By what signs did you recognize her?
Peri. By none.
Phil. Why did you suppose her to be our daughter?
Peri. My servant Epidicus told me so.
Phil. What if it had seemed to your servant otherwise? Prithee, could you not have known?
Peri. How should I, who had never seen her after having once beheld her.
Phil. Wretched creature, I'm quite undone! (Begins to weep.)
Peri. Don't weep, madam; go in-doors; be of good courage; I'll find her out.
Phil. An attic citizen from Athens here purchased her. Indeed, they said it was a young man who had bought her.
Peri. I will find her; hold your peace. Only do go in-doors, ​and keep an eye upon this Circe, this daughter of the Sun. (She goes into the house, followed by Acropolistis.) All business laid aside, I'll give my attention to seeking for Epidicus. If I find him, I'll make this day become the final one for him.
(Exit.
* ↑ How well he kept)—Ver. 411. The cunning of Epidicus is admirably shown here. He pretends to teh old man that they together are deceiving the Music-girl, while, in reality, he is imposing on the old man.
* ↑ Made myself out half-witted)—Ver. 420. This in his wisdom he pretended, that she might not fancy that he was a cunning fellow, going to put a trick upon her, in combination with Epidicus.
* ↑ Periphanes of Plothea)—Ver. 433. "Plothenius." Most of the editions have here "Platænius" "of Platæa." As this was in Bœotia, the other is far more likely to be the right reading, Plothea being a Demus of Attica.
* ↑ Your scraps of nonsense)—Ver. 450. "Centones." These were properly patchwork tales, or poems, made up of scraps from various works.
* ↑ That she may be my mistress)—Ver. 464. The swaggering, careless character of the Captain, is admirably depicted here, as he does not hesitate to tell a perfect stranger, and him an aged man, his intentions, at the possible risk of shocking him.
* ↑ Employ your holidays)—Ver. 468. The "feriæ," or "holidays," are mentioned in the Captivi, l. 473. See the Note to the passage.
* ↑ Order the Music-girl)—Ver. 476. Periphanes has ordered the girl who has just come, and whom he takes to be Acropolistis, to be brought out; whereas the Captain is in love with the first, who is passing for the old gentleman's daughter and this mistake occasions the dispute.
* ↑ I heard that Stratippocles)—Ver. 506. She discloses to him what she has heard as the fact, and which is the real state of the case. Although Acropolistis is in his house, in the character of his daughter, he, not knowing who she really is, is alarmed at hearing that his son has procured her liberation, which he has just taken so much pains to prevent.
* ↑ I'm undone)—Ver. 508. Having now detected this piece of roguery of which Epidicus has been guilty.
* ↑ With the greater disgrace)—Ver. 514. Probably by being sued, and obliged to give it up, whether he will or no.
* ↑ Before so many edicts)—Ver. 515. "Qui in tantis positus sum sententiis." This passage has been explained various ways; but Madame Dacier seems justified in thinking that Gronovius has found the right meaning, and that the allusion is to the custom of placing the name of the proposer at the head of the ψηφίσματα, or public edicts of the Greeks; this of course implied that the proposer was a man of standing, and of some fair pretensions to a reputation for wisdom.
* ↑ Than the handle)—Ver. 523. He seems to compare Apæcides to the head of the hammer, and himself to the handle, and says that they are equally outwitted. He probably implies thereby that he has been in the habit of giving the impetus to Apæcides in the same way that the handle of the hammer does to the head.
* ↑ Into the power of the enemy)—Ver. 530. Though this has happened probably some time since, Philippa has not had an opportunity till now of coming in search of her daughter, by reason of the continuance of war. As soon as peace is made, she repairs to Athens.
* ↑ Bid my daughter)—Ver. 568. "Acropolistidem" is here inserted in the editions evidently by mistake, and is purposely omitted in this Translation. It was probably inserted by some careless or injudicious transcriber in the middle ages, in the place of "Telestidem," as Periphanes knows the girl in his house as Telestis, and fancies that she is his daughter. At the same time he knows that Acropolistis is the name of his son's mistress, whom he has so recently tried unsuccessfully (as he supposes) to get into his power.
* ↑ Have one smell)—Ver. 577. She means that all animals have an instinct by which they recognize their own young.
* ↑ I've upset my waggon)—Ver. 591. Evidently a proverbial expression borrowed from rustic life. "To upset a man's apple-cart," is used in cant phraseology in our day, as meaning to do a person a disservice.
* ↑ Upon this Circe)—Ver. 603. He calls her a Circe, because she has laid a spell upon him, as it were by enchantments, for which Circe was famous. Perhaps, too, he calls her a daughter of the Sun, from his not knowing who her father really is, when he has so recently supposed himself to be so.