# The Knight of the Burning Pestle/Act 3

Layout 2
ACT III
Scene I.
Waltham-forest.
(Enter Jasper and Luce.)
Jasper: Come, my dear dear; though we have lost our way
Luce: No, my best friend; I cannot either fear,
Jasper: You have caught me, Luce, so fast, that, whilst I live,
Luce: I cannot sleep;
Jasper: Why, then, we'll sing,
Luce: I'll sing, or say, or any thing but sleep.
Jasper: Come, little mermaid, rob me of my heart
Luce: You mock me, Jasper.
[They sing.]
Jasper: Tell me, dearest, what is love?
Luce: 'Tis a lightning from above;
Jasper: The poor hearts of men that prove.
Luce: Some love change, and so do you.
Jasper: Are they fair and never kind?
Luce: Yes, when men turn with the wind.
Jasper: Are they froward?
Luce: Ever toward
Jasper: Dissemble it no more; I see the god
Luce: I am very heavy. [She sleeps.]
Jasper: Sleep, sleep; and quiet rest crown thy sweet thoughts!
[Draws his sword.]
Luce: [She slowly wakes up and sat up next to him.] Why do you fright me, friend,
Jasper: Come, make your way to Heaven, and bid the world,
Luce: Oh, Jasper,
Jasper: Foolish girl,
Wife: Away, George, away! Raise the watch at
Citizen: I warrant thee, sweetheart, we'll have him
Luce: Oh, Jasper, be not cruel!
[They both quietly emerged from inside the cavern and headed towards the trees.]
[[[Enter Venturewell, Humphrey and Attendants.]|]]
Venturewell: Whereabouts?
Jasper: [Aside.] No more of this; now to myself again.
Humphrey: There, there he stands, with sword, like martial knight,
Venturewell: Sirrah, restore my daughter!
Jasper: Sirrah, no.
Venturewell: Upon him, then!
[They attack Jasper, and force Luce to taken away on the horse from him.]
[Wife: So; down with him, down with him, down
Venturewell: Come your ways, minion: I'll provide a cage
Humphrey: Truly, I'm glad your forces have the day.
[Exeunt all except Jasper.]
Jasper: They are gone, and I am hurt; my love is lost,
[Exit Jasper.]
Wife: Is 'a gone, George?
Citizen: Ay, cony.
Wife: Marry, and let him go, sweetheart. By the
Citizen: Come, hug in mine arms, sweet mouse; he shall
Scene II.
[[[A Room in the Bell-Inn, Waltham.]|]]
[[[Enter Mistress Merrythought, Ralph, Michael, Tim, George, Host and Tapster.]|]]
[Wife. Oh, Ralph! how dost thou, Ralph? How
Citizen: Peace, Nell; let Ralph alone.
Tapster: Master, the reckoning is not paid.
Ralph: Right courteous knight, who, for the order's sake
Tapster: Sir, there is twelve shillings to pay.
Ralph: Thou merry Squire Tapstero, thanks to thee
Host: Thou valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle,
Wife: George, I prithee, tell me, must Ralph pay
Citizen: No, Nell, no; nothing but the old knight is
Wife: Oh, is't nothing else? Ralph will be as merry
Ralph: Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well;
Host: Fair knight, I thank you for your noble offer:
Wife: Look, George! did not I tell thee as
Citizen: Cap Ralph! No. — Hold your hand, Sir
him some money.]: have you any thing to say to Ralph
Wife: I would you should know it, Ralph has
Mistress Merrythought: Mer. Come, Michael; thou and I will go
Michael: Ay, I pray, mother; in truth my feet are
Wife: Faith, and those chilblains are a foul trouble.
Mistress Merrythought: Master Knight of the Burning Pestle,
Ralph: Farewell, fair lady, and your tender squire.
Mistress Merrythought: I thank your worship.
[Exit Mistress Merrythought with Michael.]
Ralph: Dwarf, bear my shield; squire, elevate my lance:—
Citizen: Ay, ay, Ralph, all is paid.
Ralph: But yet, before I go, speak, worthy knight,
Host: Sirrah, go to Nick the barber, and bid him
Tapster: I am gone, sir.
[Exit the Tapster.]
Host. Sir Knight, this wilderness affordeth none
Ralph: Speak on, Sir Knight; tell what he is and where:
Host: Not far from hence, near to a craggy cliff,
Ralph: In God's name, I will fight with him. Kind sir,
Host: Brave-sprighted knight, thus far I will perform
Ralph: Saint George, set on before! march squire and page!
[Exeunt all.]
Wife. George, dost think Ralph will confound the
Citizen: I hold my cap to a farthing he does: why,
Wife: Faith, and that Dutchman was a goodly man,
Citizen: Nay, by your leave, Nell, Ninivie was better.
Wife: Ninivie! oh, that was the story of Jone and
Citizen: Yes, lamb.
Scene III.
[[[The Street before Merrythought's House.]|]]
[[[Enter Mistress Merrythought.]|]]
[Wife: Look, George, here comes Mistress Merrythought
Citizen: Good Mistress Merrythought, begone, I pray
Wife: Mistress Merrythought, if it please you to
Citizen: Boy, come hither. [Enter the Boy.] Send away
Boy: In good faith, sir, we cannot; you'll utterly
Citizen: Let him come now and despatch this, and I'll
Boy: Will you give me your hand of that?
Wife: Give him thy hand, George, do; and I'll kiss
Boy: I'll send him to you presently.
Wife: [Kissing him.] I thank you, little youth.
Scene IV.
[[[Before a Barber's Shop, Waltham.]|]]
[[[Enter Ralph, Host, Tim, and George.]|]]
Wife: Oh, Ralph's here, George!—God send thee
Host: Puissant knight, yonder his mansion is.
[Exit the Host.]
Ralph: Oh, faint not, heart! Susan, my lady dear,
[Tim knocks upon the basin.]
[[[Enter the Barber.]|]]
Wife: Oh, George, the giant, the giant! — Now,
Barber: What fond unknowing weight is this, that dares
Ralph: I, traitorous caitiff, who am sent by fate
Barber: Fool-hardy knight, full soon thou shalt aby
[He takes down his pole.]
And, lo, upon that string thy teeth shall hang! Prepare thyself, for dead soon shalt thou be.
Ralph: Saint George for me!
[They fight.]
Barber: Gargantua for me!
Wife. To him, Ralph, to him! hold up the giant;
Citizen: Falsify a blow, Ralph, falsify a blow! the
Wife: Bear't off, bear't off still! There, boy!—
Ralph: Susan, inspire me! now have up again.
Wife. Up, up, up, up, up! So, Ralph! Down with him, down with him, Ralph!
Cit. Fetch him o'er the hip, boy! [Ralph knocks down the Barber.
Wife. There, boy! kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, Ralph!
Cit. No, Ralph; get all out of him first.]
Ralph. Presumptuous man, see to what desperate end
50
Bar. Go in, and free them all; thou hast the day.
Ralph. Go, squire and dwarf, search in this dreadful cave,
[Exeunt Tim and George.
Bar. I crave for mercy, as thou art a knight,
Ralph. Thou show'd'st no mercy, nor shalt thou have any;
60
Re-enter Tim leading a Man winking, with a Basin under his Chin.
Tim. Behold, brave knight, here is one prisoner,
[Wife. This is the first wise word I heard the
Ralph. Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been used,
Man. I am a knight that took my journey post
70
[Wife. Alas, poor knight!—Relieve him, Ralph;
80
[Exeunt Man with Tim, who presently re-enters.
Re-enter George, leading a second Man, with a patch over his nose.
George. Puissant Knight, of the Burning Pestle hight,
Ralph. Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth,
2nd Man. I am a knight, Sir Pockhole is my name,
90
[Wife. Good Ralph, relieve Sir Pockhole, and
100
Ralph. Convey him straight after the other knight.—
2nd Man. Kind sir, good night. [Exit with George, who presently re-enters.
3rd Man [within]. Deliver us!
[Cries within.
Woman [within]. Deliver us!
[Wife. Hark, George, what a woeful cry there is!
3rd Man [within]. Deliver us!
Women [within]. Deliver us!
Ralph. What ghastly noise is this? Speak, Barbarossa,
110
Bar. Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep.
Ralph. Run, squire and dwarf; deliver them with speed. [Exeunt Tim and George.
[Wife. But will not Ralph kill this giant? Surely
Cit. Not so, mouse, neither, if he could convert
120
Wife. Ay, George, if he could convert him; but a
Cit. Peace, Nell, here comes the prisoners.]
Re-enter Tim, leading a third Man, with a glass of lotion in his hand, and George leading a Woman, with diet-bread and drink in her hand.
George. Here be these pinèd wretches, manful knight,
130
Ralph. Deliver what you are, and how you came
3rd Man. I am an errant knight that followed arms
140
Woman. This bread and water hath our diet been,
3rd Man. This hath been all the food we have received;
150
[Pulls out a syringe.
Ralph. From this infernal monster you shall go,
[3rd Man and Woman are led off by Tim and George, who presently re-enter.
[Cit. Cony, I can tell thee, the gentlemen like Ralph.
Wife. Ay, George, I see it well enough.—Gentlemen,
160
Bar. Mercy, great knight! I do recant my ill,
Ralph. I give thee mercy; but yet shalt thou swear
Bar. I swear and kiss. [Kisses the Pestle.
Ralph. Depart, then, and amend.— [Exit Barber.
[Exeunt.
[Cit. Now Ralph is in this humour, I know he
170
Wife. Ay, George, but it is well as it is: I warrant
Scene V.
The Street before Merrythought's House.
Enter Mistress Merrythought and Michael.
[Wife. But, look, George; here comes Mistress
Mist. Mer. Mick, my boy—
Mich. Ay, forsooth, mother.
Mist. Mer. Be merry, Mick; we are at home now;
[Music within.]
10
Mer. [Appearing above, and singing.]
20
Mist. Mer. Why, Charles, do you not know your
30
Mer. [Sings.]
Hark you, Mistress Merrythought, you that
40
Mist. Mer. Why, Master Merrythought, what am
50
Mer. [Sings.]
60 [Exit above.
[Wife. He's not in earnest, I hope, George, is he?
Cit. What if he be, sweetheart?
Wife. Marry, if he be, George, I'll make bold to
Cit. What! how does he use her, honey?
Wife. Marry, come up, sir saucebox! I think you'll
70
Cit. Nay, prithee, Nell, chide not; for, as I am an
Wife. I cry you mercy, then, George! you know
Mer. [Appearing above.] Strike up lively, lads!
[Wife. I had not thought, in truth, Master Merrythought,
80
Mer. [Sings.]
90
[Wife. Marry, with a vengeance! I am heartily sorry
Cit. I prithee, sweet honeysuckle, be content.
Wife. Give me such words, that am a gentlewoman
100
[Exit Citizen.
Mer. Play me a light lavolta. Come, be frolic.
Mist. Mer. Why, Master Merrythought, are you
Mer. Good woman, if you will sing, I'll give you
[Sings.] You are no love for me, Margaret,
110
[Exit above.
Mist. Mer. Now a churl's fart in your teeth, sir!—
120
[Exeunt.
Re-enter Citizen with Beer.
[Wife. Come, George, where's the beer?
Cit. Here, love.
Wife. This old fornicating fellow will not out of my
130
Boy. No, indeed, forsooth.
Wife. Nor eat fire? 140
Boy. Neither.
Wife. Why, then, I thank you heartily; there's