# The Way of a Virgin/The Enchanted Ring

THE WAY OF A VIRGIN
THE ENCHANTED RING.
IN a certain reign, in a certain kingdom, there lived once on a time three peasant brethren, who quarrelled among themselves and divided up their goods; they did not share equally, and the division gave much to the elder brethren but very little to the youngest.
All three were young lads. They went forth together into the courtyard, saying one to the other:
"'Tis time for us to wed."
"'Tis well enough for ye," quoth the youngest brother. "Ye are rich, and the rich can marry. But what may I do? I am poor. I have not even a log of wood to my name. All I have for a fortune is a yard which reacheth to my knees!"
On this very moment there chanced to pass a merchant's daughter, who overheard these words and said to herself:
"Ah that I might have this young man for a husband! He hath a yard that reacheth to his very knees!"
The two elder brethren married; the youngest remained single. ​The merchant's daughter, back in her home, had no thought in her head but to wed the young peasant; several rich merchants sought her hand in marriage, but she would have none of them.
"I will wed with none save this young man," quoth she.
Her father and mother sought to dissuade her. "What art thinking on, foolish one?" said they. "Come back to thy senses! Why wouldst wed with a poor peasant?"
"Concern not yourselves with that!" answered she. "'Tis not ye who will have to live with him!"
The merchant's daughter came to an understanding with the matchmaker, and dispatched her to tell the young man to come without fail and ask her hand in marriage. The matchmaker went to see him, saying:
"Hearken, oh! my little dove. Why standest there gaping? Go ask in marriage the merchant's daughter. She hath awaited thee this long time, and will wed thee with joy."
The young man swiftly apparelled himself, donned a new smock-frock, took his new hat, and hied him forthwith to the house of the merchant to ask his daughter's hand in marriage. When the merchant's daughter perceived him, when she recognised that it was indeed he whose yard reached to his knees, she fell to asking her father and mother for their blessing on a union indissoluble.
On the wedding night she went to bed with her husband, and perceived that he had but a little yard, smaller even than a finger.
"Oh! thou scoundrel!" she cried. "Thou boastest ownership of a yard reaching to thy knees! What hast done with it?"
​"Dear wife, thou knowest that I was a bachelor, and very poor; when I resolved to marry, I had neither gold nor aught else to enable me so to. So I have pledged my yard."
"And for what sum hast thou pledged thy yard?"
"But for little—for fifty roubles."
"Good. On the morrow I will go seek my mother, I will beg money of her, and thou wilt go without fail to recover thy yard. If thou dost not buy it back, enter not the house!"
She waited until morn, then ran switly in search of her mother, saying:
"Grant me a favour, little mother. Give me fifty roubles. I have sore need of them."
"But tell me why thou hast need of them."
"See, little mother. My husband had a yard which reached to his knees. When we desired to marry, he knew not where to find the money, the poor man, and he hath pledged his yard for fifty roubles. Now my husband hath but a tiny yard, even smaller than a finger. 'Tis of the utmost necessity, therefore, to buy back his ancient yard."
The mother, understanding the need, drew fifty roubles from her purse, and gave them to her daughter. The latter returned to her home and gave the money to her husband, saying:
"Go! Run now swiftly to buy back thine ancient yard, in order that strangers may not make use of it!"
The young man took the money and went forth, eyes downcast. Where might he turn now? ​Where find for his wife such a yard? Just leave it to chance.
He went forward, now swiftly, now slowly, and at length he encountered an aged woman.
"Good day, good woman."
"Good day, good man. Whither goest thou at this pace?"
"Ah, good woman—would thou knewest—would thou didst know my sorrow—would I might tell thee wither I go!"
"Tell me thy sorrow, little dove. Perchance I can come to thine aid."
"I am shamed to tell it thee."
"Tear not, have no shame. Speak boldly."
"Ah, well, see here, good woman. I had boasted of having a yard that reached to my knees; a merchant's daughter, who had heard this, espoused me, but when she lay with me on our wedding night and perceived that I had but a little yard, smaller than a finger, she cried out and asked what I had done with my great yard. I told her that I had pledged it for fifty roubles; she gave me the money and bade me buy it back without fail; otherwise, I might not show myself again at my home. And I know not how to satisfy my little dove."
The aged woman made answer to him:
"Give me thy money," said she, "and I will find a remedy for thy sorrow."
Forthwith he drew the fifty roubles from his pocket and gave them to her; the aged woman handed to him a ring.
"Come, take this ring," quoth she. "Put it only on thy finger nail."
The young man took the ring, and scarce had ​he put it on his fingernail his yard stretched itself a cubit's length.
"Well, what of it?" asked the aged woman. "Doth thy yard reach to thy knees?"
"Yea, good woman. It reacheth even below my kness."
"Now, my little dove, pass the ring down thy whole finger."
He passed the ring over his entire finger, and his yard lenghtened out even unto seven versts.
"Ah! good woman! where shall I lodge it? It will bring me ill fortune with my wife."
"Thrust up the ring to thy finger nail; thy yard will be but a cubit's span. This for thy guidance—pay attention and never put the ring beyond thy finger nail."
He thanked the aged woman, and retook the road homeward; and as he journeyed he rejoice in that he need not appear before his wife with empty hands.
But as he went, he felt a desire to eat. Going aside, he seated himself not far from the road at the foot of a zurdock, drew biscuits from his wallet, dipped them in water, and fell to eating. Anon, desire to slumber o'er-came him; he lay down, belly uppermost, and played with the ring. He put it upon his finger nail, and his yard rose to the height of a cubit's span; he pressed his whole finger through the ring, and his yard rose to a height of seven versts; he removed the ring, and his yard became small as before. He examined and re-examined the ring, and thus he fell asleep. But he ​forgot to conceal the ring, which rested upon his belly.
There chanced to pass in a carriage a lord and his wife. The lord saw, not far from the road, a peasant aslumbering, and upon his belly glittered a ring, as it were a live coal in the sun. He stopped the horses, saying to his lackey:
"Approach the peasant, take the ring, and bring it to me."
Straightway the lackey ran to the peasant, and carried back the ring to the lord. And these went on their way.
The lord admired the ring.
"Look thou, my dear loved one," said he to his wife. "What a superb ring! Behold! I put it upon my finger." And he passed it down his whole finger.
Straightway his yard reached out, o'erturned the coachman from his box seat, struck one of the mares right beneath the tail, pushed aside the animal, and caused the carriage to go ahead of it.
The lady beheld what misfortune had befallen, was greatly affrighted, and cried with all her force to the lackey, saying:
"Run most swiftly to the peasant and lead him hither!"
The lackey sped amain to the peasant and aroused him, saying:
"Come swiftly, my little peasant, to my master!"
The peasant sought his ring.
"A curse on thee! Thou hast taken my ring!" ​"Seek not," said the lackey. "Come to my master. He hath thy ring, which hath caused us a great fuss."
The peasant ran to the carriage. Quoth the lord to him:
"Pardon me, but come to my aid in my misfortune!"
"What wilt give me, lord?"
"Here are one hundred roubles."
"Give me two hundred and I will deliver thee."
The lord drew two hundred roubles from his pocket, the peasant took the money, and withdrew the ring from the lord's finger, whereat the yard vanished as if by magic, and there was left to the lord but his former little instrument.
The lord went his way, and the peasant hied him homeward with the ring. His wife was at the window and saw him come; she ran to meet him.
"Hast brought it back?" asked she.
"I have."
"Show it me!"
"Come within the chamber. I cannot show it thee outside."
They entered the chamber, nor did the wife cease to repeat: "Show it me! Show it me!"
He placed the ring on his finger-nail, and his yard lengthened a cubit's span; then he drew off his drawers, saying: "Behold, wife!"
The wife fell on his neck.
"My dear little husband, here is truly an instrument that will be better in our house than with strangers. Come swiftly and eat; then we will to bed and make trial of it."
​Forthwith she put upon the table all manner of meats and beverages, and they fell to eating and drinking. Having feasted, they betook themselves to bed. When he had pierced his wife with this yard, she, for three whole days, was ever peering 'neath his garment; it seemed to her that the yard was ever thrusting between her legs.
She went to pay a visit to her mother, what time her husband hied him to the garden and lay down 'neath an apple tree.
"Well," asked the mother of her daughter, "have ye bought back the yard?"
"We have bought it back, little mother."
And the mother had but one thought: to steal away, profiting by her daughter's visit, to run to the house of her son-in-law, and to make trial of his great yard.
And while the daughter chattered, the mother came to the house of the son-in-law and sped into the garden. The son-in-law was aslumbering; the ring was on his finger nail, and his yard stood erect to the height of a cubit's span.
"I will mount upon his yard," said the good mother to herself.
And she mounted, in sooth, upon the yard, and balanced herself thereon.
But, by ill fortune, the ring slipped to the base of the finger of the son-in-law what time he slept, and the yard raised the good mother to the height of seven versts.
The daughter perceived that her mother had gone forth, she divined the reason, and hastened to return home. In her house there was no one. She went into the garden, and what saw she? Her husband aslumbering, his yard raised to a vast ​height, and, all in the clouds, the good mother, scarce visible! and she when the wind blew, turned upon the yard as though upon a stake.
What to do? How remove her mother from off the yard?
A great crowd had come together; they discussed; they preferred counsel. Said some: there is naught for it but to take a hatchet and cut the yard. Said others: no, 'tis a bad plan. Why lose two souls? For as soon as the yard is cut, the woman will fall and kill herself. 'Tis better to pray to God that perchance by some miracle the old woman will disentangle herself from it.
During this time the son-in-law awoke, and perceived that his ring had descended to the base of his finger, tha his yard raised itself towards the sky to a hight of seven versts, and that it nailed him solidly to the earth, in such wise that he could not turn upon his other side.
He withdrew very softly the ring from his finger; his yard descended to the height of a cubit's span; and the son-in-law saw his mother-in-law suspended upon it.
"How camest thou there, little mother?"
VARIANT.
Once upon a time a tailor possessed a magic ring; soon as he put it upon his finger, his yard assumed an extraordinary development. It fell out that he went to work at the house of a woman; by nature he was gay and given to jesting, and when he lay down to slumber he neglected always cover his genitals.
The woman observed that he had a yard of great proportions; desirious of sampling the power of such an instrument, she summoned the tailor to her chamber.
"Hearken," quoth she to him. "Consent to sin once with me."
"Why not, madam? But only on one condition—that thou dost not fart! If thou dost fart, thou shalt pay me three hundred roubles."
"Very good," answered she.
They betook themselves to bed; the good woman took all possible precautions not to expel wind during the sexual act; she instructed her chambermaid to seek a large onion, to thrust this into her fundament, and to hold it there with both hands. These orders were carried out minutely, but at the first assault delivered by the tailor upon the woman, the onion was violently expelled and struck ​the chambermaid with such force that she was killed outright!
The woman lost her three hundred roubles; the tailor pocketed this sum and hied him homeward. Having journeyed some distance, he felt a desire to slumber and lay down in a field. He placed the ring upon his finger and his yard stretched to the length of one verst. As he lay thus, slumber o'ertook him, and whilst he slept came seven starving wolves, which devoured the greater part of his yard. He awoke as if naught had chanced, took the ring from his finger, put it in his pocket, and pursued his way.
Came night, and the tailor entered the house of a peasant. Now this peasant had married a young woman who had a liking for well-membered men. The guest went to sleep in the courtyard, leaving his yard exposed. Perceiving it, the peasant's wife felt a great desire; raising her robe, she coupled with the tailor.
"Good," quoth he to himself; and he placed the ring on his finger, and his yard rose little by little to the height of one verst. But when the wife perceived herself so far from the earth, all desire to futter left her, and she clung with both hands to this strange support in mid-air.
Beholding the peril that beset the wretched woman, her neighbours and relations fell to praying for the safety of both. But the tailor gently withdrew the ring from his finger; gradually the dimensions of his member decreased, and, when it reached but to a small height, the woman jumped to earth. ​"Ah! insatiable coynte," quoth the tailor to her. "It had been thy death had they cut my yard.
* ↑ Kruptadia: Heilbronn, 1883: Henninger Freres: vol. 1: Secret Stories from the Russian, No. 32. Also Contes Secrets Russes: Paris: Liseux, 1891.
* ↑ Literally: "put it in pawn."
* ↑ A verst would be about 1,170 yards. The virtue of the ring was indeed remarkable!
* ↑ Contes Secrets Russes translate: "His yard stretched forth, hurled the driver from his seat, passed beyond the team of horses, and reached out in front of the carriage for a distance of seven versts."
* ↑ The Kruptadia version says: "As if flies had just tickled his yard."
* ↑ The main theme of these foregoing contes—the yard which increases to gigantic proportions—is not confined to Russian folk-lore. In Kruptadia, vol. 2: Some Erotic Folk-Lore from Scotland, we find the following:— A man and a woman were in each other's embraces. The man was succuba. His yard began to enlarge and enlarge and lift the woman. When she was nearly reaching the roof she exclaimed: "Farewell freens, farewell foes, For I'm awa' to heaven On a pintel's nose."