# The Naval Officer/Chapter XXII

Such was my brother too, So went he suited to his watery tomb: If spirits can assume both form and suit, You come to fright us.
Twelfth Night.
Soon after the frigate which had taken me off from New Providence had parted company with the American prize that I was sent on board of, the crew of the former, it appeared, had been boasting among the American prisoners of the prize-money they should receive.
"Not you," said the Yankees; "you will never see your prize any more, nor any one that went in her."
These words were repeated to the captain of the frigate, when he questioned the mate and the crew, and the whole nefarious transaction came out. They said the ship was sinking when they left her, and that was the reason they had hurried into the boat. The mate said it was impossible to get at the leaks, which were in the fore peak, and under the cabin deck in the run; that he wondered Captain Green had not made it known, but he supposed he must have been drunk: "the ship," continued the mate, "must have gone down in twelve hours after we left her."
This was reported to the Admiralty by my captain, and my poor father was formally acquainted with the fatal story. Five months had elapsed since I was last heard of, and all hopes of my safety had vanished: this was the reason that when I knocked at the door, I found the servant in mourning: he was one who had been hired since my departure, and did not know me. Of course he expressed no surprise at seeing me.
"Good Heavens!" said I, "who is dead?"
"My master's only son, Sir," said the man, "Mr Frank, drowned at sea."
"Oh! is that all?" said I, "I am glad it's no worse." The man concluded that I was an unfeeling brute, and stared stupidly at me as I brushed by him and ran up stairs to the drawing-room. I ought to have been more guarded; but, as usual, I followed the impulse of my feelings. I opened the door, when I saw my sister sitting at a table in deep mourning, with another young lady whose back was turned towards me. My sister screamed as soon as she saw me. The other lady turned round, and I beheld my Emily, my dear, dear Emily: she too was in deep mourning. My sister, after screaming, fell on the floor in a swoon. Emily instantly followed her example, and there they both lay, like two petrified queens in Westminster Abbey. It was a beautiful sight, "pretty, though a plague."
I was confoundedly frightened myself, and thought I had done a very foolish thing; but as I had no time to lose, I rang the bell furiously, and seeing some jars with fresh flowers in them, I caught them up and poured plentiful libations over the faces and necks of the young ladies; but Emily came in for much the largest share, which proves that I had neither lost my presence of mind nor my love for her.
My sister's maid, Higgins, was the first to answer the drawing-room bell, which, from its violent ringing, announced some serious event. She came bouncing into the room like a recouchée shot. She was an old acquaintance of mine; I had often kissed her when a boy, and she had just as often boxed my ears. I used to give her a ribbon to tie up her jaw with, telling her at the same time that she had too much of it. This Abigail, like a true lady's maid, seeing me, whom she thought a ghost, standing bolt upright, and the two ladies stretched out, as she supposed, dead, gave a loud and most interesting scream, ran out of the room for her life, nearly knocking down the footman, whom she met coming in.
This fellow, who was a country lout, the son of one of my father's tenants, only popped his head into the door, and saw the ladies lying on the carpet; he had probably formed no very good opinion of me from the manner in which I had received the news of my own demise, and seemed very much inclined to act the part of a mandarin, that is, nod his head and stand still.
"Desire some of the women to come here immediately," said I; "some one that can be of use; tell them to bring salts, eau de cologue, any thing. Fly, blockhead, goose, what do you stand staring at?"
The fellow looked at me, and then at the supposed corpses, which he must have thought I had murdered; and, either thunderstruck, or doubting whether he had any right to obey me, kept his head inside the door and his body outside, as if he had been in the pillory. I saw that he required some explanation, and cried out, "I am Mr Frank; will you obey me, or shall I throw this jar at your head?" brandishing one of the china vases.
Had I been inclined to have thrown it, I should have missed him, for the fellow was off like a wounded porpoise. Down he ran to my father in the library; "Oh, Sir—good news—bad news—good news—"
"What news, fool?" said my father, rising hastily from his chair.
"Oh, Sir, I don't know, Sir; but I believe, Sir, Mr Frank is alive again, and both the ladies is dead."
My poor father, whose health and constitution had not recovered the shock of my supposed death, tremblingly leaned over his table, on which he rested his two hands, and desired the man to repeat what he had said. This the fellow did, half crying, and my father, easily comprehending the state of things, came upstairs. I would have flown into his arms, but mine were occupied in supporting my sweet Emily, while my poor sister lay senseless on the other side of me; for Clara's lover was not at hand, and she still lay in abeyance.
By this time "the hands were turned up," every body was on the alert, and every living creature in the house, not excepting the dog, had assembled in the drawing-room. The maids that had known me cried and sobbed most piteously, and the new comer kept them company from sympathy. The coachman, and footman, and groom, all blubbered and stared; and one brought water, and one a basin, and the looby of a footman something else, which I must not name; but in his hurry he had snatched up the first utensil that he thought might be of use; I approved of his zeal, but nodded to him to retire. Unluckily for him, the housemaid perceived the mistake which his absence of thought had led him into; and, snatching the mysterious vessel with her left hand, she hid it under her apron, while with her right she gave the poor fellow such a slap on the cheek, as to bring to my mind the tail of the whale descending on the boat at Bermuda. "You great fool," said she, "nobody wants that."
"There is matrimony in that slap," said I; and the event proved I was right—they were asked in church the Sunday following.
The industrious application of salts, cold water, and burnt rags, together with chafing of temples, opening of collars, and loosening the stay-laces of the young ladies, produced the happiest effects. Every hand, and every tongue was in motion; and with all these remedies, the eyes of the enchanting Emily opened, and beamed upon me, spreading joy and gladness over the face of creation, like the sun rising out of the bosom of the Atlantic, to cheer the inhabitants of the Antilles after a frightful hurricane. In half an hour, all was right; "the guns were secured—we beat the retreat;" the servants retired. I became the centre of the picture. Emily held my right, my father my left; dear Clara hung round my neck. Questions were put and answered as fast as sobs and tears would admit of their being heard. The interlude was filled up with the sweetest kisses from the rosiest of lips; and I was in this half hour rewarded for all I had suffered since I had sailed from England in the diabolical brig for Barbadoes.
It was, I own, exceedingly wrong to have taken the house, as it were, by storm, when I knew they were in mourning for me; but I forgot that other people did not require the same stimulus as myself. I begged pardon; was kissed again and again, and forgiven. Oh, it was worth while to offend to be forgiven by such lips, and eyes, and dimples. But I am afraid this thought is borrowed from some prose or poetry; if so, the reader must forgive me, and so must the author, who may have it again, now I have done with it, for I shall never use it any more.
My narrative was given with as much modesty and brevity as time and circumstances would admit. The coachman was despatched on one of the best carriage-horses express to Mr Somerville, and the mail coach was loaded with letters to all the friends and connections of the family.
This ended, each retired to dress for dinner. What a change had one hour wrought in this house of mourning, now suddenly turned into a house of joy! Alas! how often is the picture reversed in human life! The ladies soon reappeared in spotless white; emblems of their pure minds. My father had put off his sables, and the servants came in their usual liveries, which were very splendid.
Dinner being announced, my father handed off Emily; I followed with my sister. Emily, looking over her shoulder, said, "Don't be jealous, Frank."
My father laughed, and I vowed revenge for this little satirical hit.
"You know the forfeit," said I, "and you shall pay it."
"I am happy to say that I am both able and willing," said she, and we sat down to dinner, but not before my father had given thanks in a manner more than usually solemn and emphatic. This essential act of devotion, so often neglected, brought tears into the eyes of all. Emily sank into her chair, covered her face with her pocket-handkerchief, and relieved herself with tears. Clara did the same. My father shook me by the hand, and said, "Frank, this is a very different kind of repast to what we had yesterday. How little did we know of the happiness that was in store for us!"
The young ladies dried their eyes, but had lost their appetites; in vain did Emily endeavour to manage the tail of a small smelt. I filled a glass of wine to each. "Come," said I, "in sea phrase, spirits are always more easily stowed away than dry provisions; let us drink each other's health, and then we shall get on better."
They took my advice, and it answered the purpose. Our repast was cheerful, but tempered and corrected by a feeling of past sorrow, and a deep sense of great mercies from Heaven.
"If Heaven were every day like this,  Then 'twere indeed a Heaven of bliss."
Reader, I know you have long thought me a vain man—a profligate, unprincipled Don Juan, ready to pray when in danger, and to sin when out of it: but as I have always told you the truth, even when my honour and character were at stake, I expect you will believe me now, when I say a word in my own favour. That I felt gratitude to God for my deliverance and safe return, I do most solemnly aver; my heart was ready to burst with the escape of this feeling, which I suppressed from a false sense of shame, though I never was given much to the melting mood; moreover, I was too proud to show what I thought a weakness, before the great he-fellows of footmen. Had we been in private, I could have fallen down on my knees before that God whom I had so often offended; who had rescued me twice from the jaws of the shark; who had lifted me from the depth of the sea when darkness covered me; who had saved me from the poison and the wreck, and guided me clear of the rock at Trinidad; and who had sent the dog to save me from a horrible death.
These were only a small part of the mercies I had received; but they were the most recent, and consequently had left the deepest impression on my memory. I would have given one of Emily's approving smiles, much as I valued them, to have been relieved from my oppressed feelings by a hearty flood of tears, and by a solemn act of devotion and thanksgiving; but I felt all this, and that feeling, I hope, was accounted to me for righteousness. For the first time in my life, the love of God was mixed up with a pure and earthly love for Emily, and affection for my family.
The ladies sat with us some time after the cloth was removed, unable to drag themselves away, while I related my "hair-breadth escapes." When I spoke of the incident of trying to save the poor man who fell overboard from the brig—of my holding him by the collar, and being dragged down with him until the sea became dark over my head—Emily could bear it no longer; she jumped up, and falling on her knees, hid her lovely face in my sister's lap, passionately exclaiming, "Oh, do not, do not, my dear Frank, tell me any more—I cannot bear it—indeed, I cannot bear it."
We all gathered round her, and supported her to the drawing-room, where we diverted ourselves with lighter and gayer anecdotes. Emily tried a tune on the pianoforte, and attempted a song; but it would not do: she could not sing a gay one, and a melancholy one overpowered her. At twelve o'clock, we all retired to our apartments, and before I slept I spent some minutes in devotion, with vows of amendment which I fully intended to keep.
The next morning, Mr Somerville joined us at breakfast. This was another trial of feeling for poor Emily, who threw herself into her father's arms, and sobbed aloud. Mr Somerville shook me most cordially by the hand with both of his, and eagerly demanded the history of my extraordinary adventures, of which I gave him a small abridgment. I had taken the opportunity of an hour's tête à tête with Emily, which Clara had considerately given us before breakfast, to speak of our anticipated union; and finding there were no other obstacles than those which are usually raised by "maiden pride and bashful coyness," so natural, so becoming, and so lovely in the sex, I determined to speak to the grey-beards on the subject.
To this Emily at last consented, on my reminding her of my late narrow escapes. As soon, therefore, as the ladies had retired from the dinner table, I asked my father to fill a bumper to their health; and, having swallowed mine in all the fervency of the most unbounded love, I popped the question to them both. Mr Somerville and my father looked at each other, when the former said—
"You seem to be in a great hurry, Frank."
"Not greater, Sir," said I, "than the object deserves."
He bowed, and my father began—
"I cannot say," observed the good old gentleman, "that I much approve of matrimony before you are a commander. At least, till then, you are not your own master."
"Oh, if I am to wait for that, Sir," said I, "I may wait long enough; no man is ever his own master in our service, or in England. The captain is commanded by the admiral, the admiral by the Admiralty, the Admiralty by the Privy Council, the Privy Council by the Parliament, the Parliament by the people, and the people by printers and their devils."
"I admire your logical chain of causes and effects," said my father; "but we must, after all, go to the lace manufactory at Charing-cross, to see if we cannot have your shoulders fitted with a pair of epaulettes. When we can see you command your own sloop of war, I shall be most happy, as I am sure my good friend Somerville will be also, to see you command his daughter, the finest and the best girl in the county of ——"
No arguments could induce the two old gentlemen to bate one inch from these sine qua non. It was agreed that application should be made to the Admiralty forthwith for my promotion; and when that desirable step was obtained, that then Emily should have the disposal of me for the honeymoon.
All this was a very pretty story for them on the score of prudence, but it did not suit the views of an ardent lover of one-and-twenty; for though I knew my father's influence was very great at the Admiralty, I also knew that an excellent regulation had recently been promulgated, which prevented any lieutenant being promoted to the rank of commander until he had served two years at sea from the date of his first commission; nor could any commander, in like manner, be promoted before he had served one year in that capacity. All this was no doubt very good for the service, but I had not yet attained sufficient amor patriae to prefer the public to myself; and I fairly wished the regulation, and the makers of it, in the cavern at New Providence, just about the time of high water.
I put it to the ladies whether this was not a case of real distress, after all my hardships and my constancy, to be put off with such an excuse? The answer from the Admiralty was so far favourable, that I was assured I should be promoted as soon as my time was served, of which I then wanted two months. I was appointed to a ship fitting at Woolwich, and before she could be ready for sea, my time would be completed, and I was to have my commission as a commander. This was not the way to ensure her speedy equipment, as far as I was concerned; but there was no help for it; and as the ship was at Woolwich, and the residence of my fair one at no great distance, I endeavoured to pass my time, during the interval, between the duties of love and war; between obedience to my captain, and obedience to my mistress; and by great good fortune, I contrived to please both, for my captain gave himself no trouble about the ship or her equipment.
Before I proceeded to join, I made one more effort to break through the inflexibility of my father. I said I had undergone the labours of Hercules; and that if I went again on foreign service, I might meet with some young lady who would send me out of the world with a cup of poison, or by some fatal spell break the magical chain which now bound me to Emily. This poetical imagery had no more effect on them, than my prose composition. I then appealed to Emily herself. "Surely," said I, "your heart is not as hard as those of our inflexible parents? surely you will be my advocate on this occasion? Bend but one look of disapprobation on my father with those heavenly blue eyes of yours, and, on my life, he will strike his flag."
But the gipsy replied, with a smile (instigated, no doubt, from head-quarters), that she did not like the idea of her name appearing in the Morning Post as the bride of a lieutenant. "What's a lieutenant, now-a-days?" said she; "nobody. I remember when I was on a visit at Fareham, I used to go to Portsmouth to see the dock-yard and the ships, and there was your great friend the tall admiral, Sir Hurricane Humbug, I think you call him, driving the poor lieutenants about like so many sheep before a dog; there was one always at his heels, like a running footman; and there was another that appeared to me to be chained, like a mastiff, to the door of the admiral's office, except when the admiral and family walked out, and then he brought up the rear with the governess. No, Frank, I shall not surrender at discretion, with all my charms, to any thing less than a captain, with a pair of gold epaulettes."
"Very well," replied I, looking into the pier glass, with tolerable self-complacency; "if you choose to pin your happiness on the promises of a first lord of the Admiralty, and a pair of epaulettes, I can say no more. There is no accounting for female taste; some ladies prefer gold lace and wrinkles, to youth and beauty—I am sorry for them, that's all."
"Frank," said Emily, "you must acknowledge that you are vain enough to be an admiral at least."
"The admirals are much obliged to you for the compliment," said I. "I trust I should not disgrace the flag, come when it will; but to tell you the truth, my dear Emily, I cannot, say I look forward to that elevation, with any degree of satisfaction. Three stars on each shoulder, and three rows of gold lace round the cuff, are no compensation, in my eyes, for grey hairs, thin legs, a broken back, a church-yard cough, and to be laughed at or pitied by all the pretty girls in the country into the bargain."
"I am sorry for you, my hero," said the young lady; "but you must submit."
"Well then, if I must, I must," said I; "but give me a kiss in the meantime."
I asked for one, and took a hundred, and should have taken a hundred more, but the confounded butler came in, and brought me a letter on service, which was neither more nor less than an order to join my ship forthwith; sic transit, &c.
Pocketing my disappointment with as much sang froid as I could muster, I continued to beguile the time and to solace myself for my past sufferings, by as much enjoyment as could be compressed into the small space of leisure time allotted to me. Fortunately, the first lieutenant of the frigate was what we used to call "a hard officer;" he never went on shore, because he had few friends and less money. He drew for his pay on the day it became due, and it lasted till the next day of payment; and as I found he doated on a Spanish cigar, and a correct glass of cognac grog—for he never drank to excess—I presented him with a box of the former, and a dozen of the latter, to enable him to bear my nightly absence with Christian composure.
As soon as the day's work was ended, the good-natured lieutenant used to say, "Come, Mr Mildmay, I know what it is to be in love; I was once in love myself, though it is a good many years ago, and I am sure I shall get into the good graces of your Polly (for so he called Emily) if I send you to her arms. There is the jolly for you: send the boat off as soon as you have landed, and be with us at nine to-morrow morning, to meet the midshipman and the working party in the dock-yard."
All this was perfectly agreeable to me. I generally got to Mr Somerville's temporary residence on Blackheath by the time the dressing-bell rang, and never failed to meet a pleasant party at dinner. My father and dear Clara were guests in the house as well as myself. By Mr Somerville's kind permission, I introduced Talbot, who, being a perfect gentleman in his manners, a man of sound sense, good education, and high aristocratic connections, I was proud to call my friend. I presented him particularly to my sister, and took an opportunity of whispering in Emily's ear, where I knew it would not long remain, that he possessed the indispensable qualification of two epaulettes. "Therefore," said I, "pray do not trust yourself too near him, for fear you should be taken by surprise, like the True-blooded Yankee."
Talbot knowing that Emily was bespoken, paid her no more than the common attentions which courtesy demands; but to Clara his demeanour was very different: and her natural attractions were much enhanced in his eyes, by the friendship which we had entertained for each other ever since the memorable affair of swimming away from the ship at Spithead; from that time he used jocularly to call me "Leander."
But before I proceed any further with this part of my history, I must beg leave to detain the reader one minute only, while I attempt to make a sketch of my dear little sister Clara. She was rather fair, with a fine, small, oval, well-proportioned face, sparkling black and speaking eyes, good teeth, pretty red lips, very dark hair, and plenty of it, hanging over her face and neck in curls of every size; her arms and bust were such as Phidias and Praxiteles might have copied; her waist was slender; her hands and feet small and beautiful. I used often to think it was a great pity that such a love as she was should not be matched with some equally good specimen of our sex; and I had long fixed on my friend Talbot as the person best adapted to command this pretty little, tight, fast-sailing, well-rigged smack.
Unluckily, Clara, with all her charms, had one fault, and that, in my eyes, was a very serious one. Clara did not love a sailor. The soldiers she doated on. But Clara's predilections were not easily overcome, and that which had once taken root grew up and flourished. She fancied sailors were not well bred; that they thought too much of themselves or their ships; and, in short, that they were as rough and unpolished as they were conceited.
With such obstinate and long-rooted prejudices against all of our profession, it proved no small share of merit in Talbot to overcome them. But as Clara's love for the army was more general than particular, Talbot had a vacant theatre to fight in. He began by handing her to dinner, and with modest assurance seated himself by her side. But so well was he aware of her failing, that he never once alluded to our unfortunate element; on the contrary, he led her away with every variety of topic which he found best suited to her taste: so that she was at last compelled to acknowledge that he might be one exception to her rule, and I took the liberty of hoping that I might be another.
One day at dinner Talbot called me "Leander," which instantly attracted the notice of the ladies, and an explanation was demanded; but for a time it was evaded, and the subject changed. Emily, however, joining together certain imperfect reports which had reached her ears, through the kindness of "some friends of the family," began to suspect a rival, and the next morning examined me so closely on the subject, that fearing a disclosure from other quarters, I was compelled to make a confession.
I told her the whole history of my acquaintance with Eugenia, of my last interview, and of her mysterious departure. I did not even omit the circumstance of her offering me money; but I concealed the probability of her being a mother. I assured her that it was full four years and a half since we had met; and that as she knew of my engagement, it was unlikely we should ever meet again. "At any rate," I said, "I shall never seek her; and if accident should throw me in her way, I trust I shall behave like a man of honour."
I did not think it necessary to inform her of the musket-shots fired at me by order of Talbot, as that might have injured him in the estimation of both Emily and Clara. When I had concluded my narrative, Emily sighed and looked very grave. I asked her if she had forgiven me.
"Conditionally," said she, "as you said to the mutineers."