# Arabian Nights Entertainments (1706)/Volume 4/The Taylor

The Story told by the Taylor.
A Citizen of this City did me the Honour, two Days ago to invite me to a Treat, which he was to give to his Friends Yeſterday Morning. Accordingly I went pretty early, and ſound there twenty Perſons,
The Maſter of the Houſe was gone out upon ſome Buſineſs, but in a very little time he came home; and brought with him a young Man, a Stranger, very well dreſs’d, and very handſome, but lame, When he came in, we all roſe, and out of Reſpect to the Maſter of the Houſe, invited the young Gentleman to fit down with us upon the Sofa. He was a going to fit down; but all on a ſudden ſpying a Barber in our Company, he flew backwards, and made towards the Door. The Maſter of the Houſe ſurprized at the Action, ſtopped him; where are you going, ſaid he? I bring you along with me to do me the Honour of being my Gueſt among the reſt of my Friends; and here you’re no ſooner got into my Houle, but you run away again. Sir, ſaid the young Man, ſor God’s ſake do not ſtop me, let me go, I can’t without Horror look upon that abominable Barber; though he’s born in a Country where all the Natives ​are Whites, he reſembles an Ehiopian; and when. all is come to all, his Soul is yet blacker and more horrible than his Face.
Scheherazade perceiving Day, ſaid no more for that Night; but next Day went on as follows.
The Hundred and Fifty Eighth Night.
WE were all ſurprized to hear the young Man ſpeak ſo, continued the Taylor; and we began to have a very bad Opinion of the Barber, without knowing what Ground the young Man had for what he ſaid, Nay, we proteſted we would not ſuffer any. one to remain in our Company, that bore ſo horrid a Character. The Maſter of the Houſe intreated the Stranger to tell us what Reaſon he had for hating the Barber. Gentlemen, ſaid the young Man, you muſt know this curſed Barber is the Cauſe of my being lame, and fallen under the cruelleſt Accident that any one can imagine. For this Reaſon I have made an Oath to avoid all the Places where he is, and even not to ſtay in the Cities where he dwells. ’Twas for this Reaſon that I left Bagdad, where he then was; and travelled ſo far to ſettle in this City, in the Heart of great Tartary, a Place where I flattered my ſelt I ſhould never ſee him. And now after all, contrary to my Expectation, I find him here. This obliges me, Gentlemen, againſt my Will, to deprive my ſelf of the Honour of being merry with you. This very Day I take leave of your Town, and will go if I can to hide my Head where he ſhall not come. This ſaid, he would have left us, but the Maſter kept and intreated him to ſtay, and tell the Cauſe of his Averſion for the Barber, who all this while looked down and ſaid ne’er a Word. We joined with the Maſter of the Houſe in requeſting him to ſtay, and at laſt the young Man giving way to our Inſtances, ſat down upon the Sofa, and after turning his Back to the Barber that he might not ſee him, gave us the following Account.
My Father’s Quality might have intitled him to the higheſt Poſts in the City of Bagdad, but he always preferred a quiet Life to all the Honours he might deſerve. I was aways his only Child; and when he died I was already educated, and of Age to diſpoſe of the plentiful Fortune he had ​left me, which I did not ſquander away fooliſhly, but applied it to ſuch Uſes, that every Body reſpected me for my Conduct.
I had not been yet diſturbed with Paſſion: I was ſo far from being ſenſible of Love, that I acknowledge, perhaps to my Shame, that I cautiouſly avoided the Converſation of Women. One Day walking in the Streets, I ſaw a great Company of Ladies before me; and that I might not meet ’em, turned down a narrow Lane juſt by, and ſat down upon a Bench by a Door. I ſat over againſt a Window where there ſtood a Pot with Pretty Flowers; and I had my Eyes fix’d upon this, when all on a ſudden the Window opened, and a young Lady appeared whoſe Beauty was dazling. Immediately ſhe caſt her Eyes upon me; and in watring the Flower-Pot with a Hand whiter than Alabaſter; looked upon me with a Smile, that inſpir’d me with as much Love tor her, as I had formerly an Averſion for all Women. After having watred all her Flowers, and darted upon me a Glance full of Charms that quite pierced me Heart, ſhe ſhut the Window again, and Io left me in inconceivable Trouble and Diſorder.
I had dwelt upon theſe Thoughts long enough, if a Noiſe that aroſe in the Streets had not brought me to my ſelf. Alarmed with the Noiſe, I turned my Head in ariſing Poſture, and ſaw it was the upper Cadis of the City, mounted on a Mule, and attended by five or fix Servants; alighted at the Door of that Houſe, where the young Lady had open’d the Window, and went in there; from whence I concluded he was the young Lady’s Father.
I went home in a different ſort of Humour from what I brought with me; toſs’d with a Paſſion which was ſo much the more violent, that I had never felt its Aſſaults before: in fine, I went to Bed with a violent Fever upon me, which all the Family was mightily concerned at. My Relations, who had a great Love for me, were ſo alarmed with the ſudden Diſorder I was in, that they came about me, and importuned me to know the Cauſe; which I took care not to reveal to ’em. My Silence created an Uneaſineſs, that the Phyſicians could not diſpel, becauſe they knew nothing of my Diſtemper, and by the Medicines they exhibited, rather inflam’d than repair’d it.
​My Relations began to deſpair of my Life, when a certain old Lady of our Acquaintance, hearing I was ill, came to ſee me. She conſidered and examined every thing with great Attention, and dived, I do not know how, into the real Cauſe of my Illneſs. Then ſhe took my Relations aſide, and deſired they would all retire out of the Room but her ſelf.
When the Room was clear, ſhe ſat down on the ſide of my Bed. My Child, ſaid ſhe, you are very obſtinate in concealing hitherto the Cauſe of your Illneſs; but you have no occaſion to reveal it to me, I have Experience enough to penetrate into a Secret; you will not diſown jt your ſelf, when I tell you ’tis Love that makes you ſick. I can find a way to cure you, if you’ll but let me know who that happy Lady is, that could move a Heart ſo inſenfible as yours; for you have the name of a Woman-Hater, and I was not the laſt that perceived that ſuch was your Temper; but in ſhort, what I forſaw has juſt come to paſs, and I am now glad of the Opportunity to employ my Talent in bringing you out of your Pain.
Sir, ſaid Scheherazade, I perceive ’tis Day. Schahriar roſe preſently, full of Impatience to know the Sequel of a Story, which he had heard begun.
The Hundred and Fifty Ninth Night.
SIR, ſaid Scheherazade, the lame young Man purſued his Story thus. The old Lady, ſaid he, having talked to me in this Faſhion; pauſed, expecting my Anſwer; but tho’ what ſhe had ſaid had made a ſtrong Impreſſion upon me, I durſt not lay open to her the Bottom of my Heart, I only turn’d to her, and fetch’d a deep Sigh, without ſaying any thing. Is it Baſhfulneſs, ſaid ſhe, that keeps you from ſpeaking? Or is it want of Confidence in me? Do you you doubt of the Effect of my Promiſe? I could mention to you an infinite Number of young Men of your Acquaintance, that have been in the ſame Condition with you, and have received Relief from me.
In fine, the good Lady told me ſo many things more, that I broke Silence, declared to her my Evil, pointed out to her the Place where I had ſeen the Object which cauſed it, and unravell’d all the Circumſtances of my Adven-​ture! If you ſucceed ſaid I, and procure me the Felicity of ſeeing that charming Beauty, and revealing to her the Paſſion which I burn for her, you may depend upon it I’ll be grateful. My Son, ſaid the old Woman, I know the Lady you ſpeak of, ſhe is, as you judg’d right, the Daughter of the firſt Cadis of the City: I think it no wonder that you are in Love with her. She is the handſomeſt, comlieſt Lady in Bagdad, but what I moſt boggle at, is, that ſhe’s very proud, and of difficult Acceſs. You ſee how ſtrict our Judges are in injoyning the punctual Obſervance of ſevere Laws that mew up Women under ſuch a burdenſome Conſtraint: And they are yet more ſtrict in the Obſervation of ’em in their own Families, nay, which adds to all, the Cadis you ſaw is more rigid in that Point than all the other Magiſtrates put together. They are always preaching to their Daughters what a heinous Crime it is to ſhew themſelves to Men, and by this Means the Girls themſelves are ſo pre-poſſeſs’d with the Notion, that they make no other uſe of their two Eyes, but to conduct them along the Streets, when Neceſſity obliges ’em to go abroad, I do not ſay abſolutely, that the firſt Cadis’s Daughter is of that Humour; but that does not hinder, but that I fear to meet with as great Obſtacles on her Side as on her Father’s. Would to God you had lov’d any other Lady, then I had not had ſo many Difficulties to ſurmount. However I ſhall imploy all my Wits to compaſs the thing, only time is required. In the mean time do you take Heart and truſt in me.
The old Woman took leave of me; and as I weigh’d within myſelf all the Obſtacles ſhe had been talking of, the Fearof her not ſucceeding in her Enterprize inflamed my illneſs. Next Day ſhe came again, and I read in her Countenance, that ſhe had no favourable news to impart. In Effect, ſhe ſpoke thus. My Child, I was not miſtaken in the matter, I have ſomewhat elſe to conquer beſides the Vigilance of a Father, you love an indifferent inſenſibie Girl, that takes Pleaſure in making every one burn with Love, that ſuffer themſelves to be charm’d by her; when ſhe has once gain’d that Point, ſhe will not deſign them the leaſt Comfort. She heard me with Pleaſure, when I ſpoke of nothing but the Torment ſhe made you undergo; but I no ſooner began to enter upon the influencing her to allow You to fee her, and converſe with her, but with a terrible ​Look; You’re very bold, ſaid ſhe, to make ſuch a Propoſal to me; I diſcharge you ever to ſee me again with ſuch diſcourſe in your Month.
Do not let this caſt you down; continued ſhe, I am not eaſily diſheartned, and if your Patience does but hold out, I am hopeful I ſhall compaſs my End. To ſhorten my Story, ſaid the young Man, this good Procureſs made ſeveral fruitleſs Attempts on my Behalf with the proud Enemy of my Reſt. The Fret I thereby underwent inflam’d my Diſtemper to that Degree, that my Phyſicians gave me quite over. So I was looked upon as a dead Man, when the old Woman came to give me Life.
That no Body might hear what was ſaid, ſhe whiſpered in my Ear; remember now you owe me a Preſent for the good News I bring you. Theſe Words produced a marvellous Effect; I raiſed my ſelf to ſit up in the Bed, and with Tranſports made anſwer, You ſhall not be without a Preſent; but what are the News you bring me. Dear Sir, ſaid ſhe, you ſhall not die this bout; I ſhall ſpeedily have the Pleaſure to ſee you in perfect Health, and very well ſatisfied with me. Yeſterday being Monday, I went to ſee the Lady you love, and: I found her in a very good Humour, As foon as I came in, I put on a ſad Countenance, and fetched many deep Sighs, and began to ſqueeze out ſome Tears. My good Mother, ſaid ſhe, what’s the Matter with you, why are you ſo caſt down! Alas, my dear and honourable Lady, ſaid I, I have been juſt now with the young Gentleman I ſpoke to you of the other Day; his Buſneſs is done; he’s giving up his Life for the Love of you; ’tis a great Injury, I’ll aſſure you, and there’s a great deal of Cruelty on your ſide, I am at a loſs to know, replied ſhe, for what you mean me to be the Cauſe of his Death;. how can I have contributed to it? How, replied I, did not you tell me t’other Day, that he ſat before your Window when you opened it to water your Flower-Pot? He then ſaw that Prodigy of Beauty, thoſe Charms that your Looking-Glaſs repreſents to you every Day; From that moment he languiſhes, and his Diſeaſe is riſen to that height, that in fine he is reduced to that deplorable Condition I have mentioned to you.
At this Period, Scheherazade ſeeing Day, diſcontinued the Story till next Night, then ſhe reſumed it as follows.
The Hundred and Sixtieth Night.
SIR, the old Lady continued her Account of the Interview ſhe had with the Cadis’s Daughter. You remember well, added I, how rigorouſly you treated me the laſt time I was here, when I was offering to ſpeak to you of his Illneſs, and to propoſe a Means to reſcue him from the danger he was in; when I took leave of you, I went ſtrait to his Houſe, and he knew no ſooner by my Countenance that I had brought no favourable Anſwer, than his Diſtemper increaſed. From that time, Madam, he’s ready to die. and I do not know whether you can ſave his Life now, tho’ you ſhould take pity of him. This is juſt what I ſaid to her, continued the old Woman. The fear of your Death ſhak’d her, and I ſaw her Face change Colour. Is it true what you ſay, ſaid ſhe? Has he actually no other Diſeaſe but what is occaſioned by the Love of me? Ah! Madam, ſaid I, that’s too true, would to God it were falſe? Do you believe, ſaid ſhe, that the Hopes of ſeeing me would contribute any thing to reſcue him from the Danger he’s in? Perhaps it may, ſaid I, and it you’ll give me Orders, I’ll try the Remedy. Well, ſaid ſhe, Sighing, make him hope to ſee me? but he can pretend to no other Favours from me, unleſs he aſpires to marry me, and my Father gives his Conſent to it. Madam, replied I, your Goodneſs overcomes me! I’ll go and ſee for the young Gentleman, and tell him he is to have the Pleaſure of an Interview with you: The propereſt time I can think of, ſaid ſhe, for granting him that Favour, is next Friday at the Time of Noon-Prayers. Let him take care to obſerve when my Father goes out, and then to come and plant himſelf over-againſt the Houſe, if ſo be his Health permits him to come abroad. When he comes I ſhall ſee him thro’ my Window, and ſhall comedown and open the Door to him. We ſhall then converſe together during Prayer-time; and he muſt be gone before my Father returns.
’Tis now Tueſday, continued the old Gentlewoman, you have from hence to Friday to recruit your Strength, and make the neceſſary Diſpoſitions for the Interview. While the good old Gentlewoman was telling her Story, I felt my Illneſs increaſe, or rather by that time ſhe had ​done, I found my ſelf perfectly well. Here, take this, ſaid I, reaching out to her my Purſe which was full, ’tis to you alone that I owe my Cure: I reckon this Money better employed than what I gave to the Phyſicians, who have done nothing but tormented me during the whole Courſe of my Illneſs.
When the Lady was gone, I found I had Strength enough to get up: And my Relations finding me ſo well, complimented me upon it, and went home.
Friday Morning the old Woman came juſt when I was dreſſing myſelf, and laying out the fineſt Cloaths I had, I do not ask you, ſays ſhe, how you do: What you are about, is Intimation enough of your Health, but will not you bathe before you go to the firſt Cadis’s Houſe. That would take up too much time, ſaid I, I’ll content my ſelf with calling a Barber to get my Head and Beard ſhaved. Preſently, I ordered one of my Slaves to call a Barber that could do his Buſineſs cleverly and expeditiouſy.
The Slave brought me this Wretch you ſee here; who came in, and after ſaluting me, Sir, ſaid he, you look as if you were not well. I told him I was juſt recovered of a fit of Sickneſs, I wiſh, ſaid he, God may deliver you from all Miſchance; may his Grace always go along with you. I hope, ſaid I, he will grant your Wiſh, for which I am very much obliged to you. Since you are recovering of a fit of Sickneſs, ſaid he, I pray God preſerve your Health; but now pray let me know what Service I am to do; I have brought my Razors and my Lancets. do you | defire to be Shaved or to be Bled; I replied, I am juſt recovered of a fit of Sickneſs I told you, and ſo you may I readily judge I only want to be Shaved; come; make haſte, do not loſe time in prattling; for am in haſte, and preciſely at noon I am to be at a Place.
Here the approach of Day interrupted Scheherazade but next Night ſhe purſued her Story thus.
The Hundred and Sixty Firſt Night.
THE Barber, continued the young Lame Man, ſpent all his Time in opening his Caſe and preparing his Razors: Inſtead of putting Water in the Baſon, he took a very handſome Aftrolabe out of his Budget, and went ​very gravely out of my Room to the middle of the Yard to take the height of the Sun. Then he returned with the ſame grave pace, and entring my Room, Sir, ſaid he, you’ll be pleaſed to know this Day is Friday the I8th of the Month Safar, in the Year 653 from the Retreat of our great Prophet from Mecca to Medina, and in the Years 7320 of the Epocha of the great Iskender with two Horns; and that the Conjunction of Mars and Mercury ſignifies you can’t chooſe a better time than this very Day, and this very Hour for being Shav’d. But on the other Hand the ſame Conjunction is a bad Preſage to you. I learn from thence that this Day you run a great Riſque, not indeed of loſing your Life, but of an Inconvenience which will attend you, while you live, You are obliged to me for the Advice I now give you to take care to avoid it; I ſhould be ſorry if it befel you.
You may gueſs, Gentlemen, I how vexed I was for having fallen into the Hands of ſuch a prattling impertinent Barber; what an unſeaſonable Adventure it was for a Lover preparing for an Interview! I was quite angry! I do not trouble my Head, ſaid I in Anger, with your Advice and Predicions; I did not call you to conſult your Chronology; you came hither to ſhave me, ſo pray ſhave me or be gone, and I’ll call another Barber; Sir, ſaid he, with a Dulneſs that put me out of all Patience, what Reaſon have you to be angry with me;You do not know that all Barbers are not like me; and that you’ll ſcarce find ſuch another, if you made it your Buſineſs to ſearch. You only ſent for a Barber; but here in my Perſon you have the beſt Barber in ​Bagdad, an experienced Phyſician, a very profound Chymiſt, an infallible Aſtrologue, a finiſhed Grammarian, a compleat Orator, a ſubtile Logician, a Mathematician perfectly well vers’d in Geometry, Arithmetick, Aſtronomy, and all the Diviſions of Algebra; an Hiſtorian fully Maſter of the Hiſtories of all the Kingdoms of the Univerſe. Beſides, I know all Parts of Philoſophy. I have all the Traditions upon my Fingers ends. I’m Poet, I’m Architec; nay, what is it I am not? There’s nothing in Nature hidden from me. Your deceaſed Father, to whoſe Memory I pay a Tribute of Tears every time I think of him, was fully convinced of my Merit: he was fond of me, and ſpoke of me in all Companies, as the greateſt Man in the World. Out of Gratitude and Friendſhip for him, I am willing to take up with you, to take you into my Protection; and guard you from all the Evils that your Stars may threaten.
When I heard all this Stuff, I could not forbear laughing notwithſtanding my Anger. You impertinent Prattler, ſaid I, will you have done, and begin to ſhave me?
Here Scheherazade ſtopp’d perceiving Day; but next Night purſued her Story of the lame young Man, in the following manner.
The Hundred and Sixty Second Night.
THE lame young Gentleman continuing his Story, Sir, replied the Barber to me, you affront me in calling me a Prattler; on the contrary, all the World gives me the honourable Title of Silent. I had Six Brothers that you might juſtly have called Prattlers; and that you may know them the better, the Name of the firſt was Bacbouc, of the ſecond Barbarah, of the third Bacbac, of the fourth Barborak, of the fifth Alnaſchar of the ſixth Schakabac. These indeed were impertinent noiſy Fellows; but for me who am a younger Brother, I am grave and conciſe in my Diſcourſes.
For God’s ſake, Gentlemen, do but ſuppoſe you had been in my Place. What could I ſay when I ſaw myſelf ſo cruelly aſſaſſinated. Give him three Pieces of Gold, ſaid I to the Slave, that was my Houſe-keeper, and ſend him away, that he may diſturb me no more, I will not ​be ſhaved this Day. Sir, ſaid the Barber, what do you mean by that? I did not come to ſee for you, it was you ſent for me; and ſince it is ſo, I ſwear by the Faith of a Muflelman, I will not ſtir out theſe Doors till I have ſhaved you. If you do not know my value, that is not my Fault. Your deceaſed Father did me more Juſtice. Every time he ſent for me to let him Blood, he made me ſit down by him, and then he was charmed in hearing what fine things I talked on. I kept him in a continual ſtrain of Admiration I raviſhed him; and then when I had finiſhed my Diſcouries; my God, cried he, you’re an inexhauſtible Source of Sciences, no Man can reach the Depth of your Knowledge. My dear Sir, ſaid I again, you do me more Honour than I deſerve, If I ſay any thing that’s fine, ’tis owing to the favourable Audience you vouchſafe me; ’tis your Liberality that inſpires me with the ſublime Thoughts that have the Happineſs to pleaſe you. One Day, when he was charmed with an admirable Diſcourſe I had made him, give him, ſays he, an hundred Pieces of Gold, and inveſt him with one of my richeſt Robes. I received the Preſent upon the Spot, and preſently I drew his Horoſcope, and found it the happieſt in the World. Nay, I was grateful ſtill, I let him Blood with Cupping Glaſes.
This was not all, he ſpinned out, beſides, another Harangue that was a large half Hour long. Fatigued in hearing him and fretted at the loſs of Time which was almoſt ſpent before I was half ready, I did not know what to ſay. No, ſaid I, it is not impoſſible there ſhould be another ſuch Man in the World, that takes pleaſure as youſ do in making People mad.
Day appearing, put Scheherazade to Silence at this Period; bur the next Night ſhe continued after this manner,
The Hundred and Sixty Third Night.
I Thought, ſaid the lame young Man of Bagdad, that I ſhould ſucceed better if I dealt mildly with my Barber. In the Name of God, ſaid I, leave off all your fine Diſcourſes, and diſpatch me preſently; I am called to attend an Affair of the laſt Importance, as I’ve told you al-​ready. Then he fell a laughing; it would be alaudable thing, ſaid he, if our Minds were always in the ſame Strain; if we were always wiſe and prudent; however, I am willing to believe that if you are angry with me, ’tis your Diſtemper has cauſed that Change in your Humour and for that Reaſon you ſtand in need of ſome Inſtructions, and you can’t do better, than to follow the Example of your Father and your Grand-father. They came and conſulted me upon all Occafions, and I can ſay without Vanity that they always extolled my Counſel. Pray mind it, Sir, Men never ſucceed in their Enterprizes without having recourſe to the Advice of quick-ſighted Men. The Proverb tells you, a Man can’t be a wiſe Man without receiving Advice from the Wiſe. I am entirely at your Service, and you have nothing to do but to command me.
What! Can’t I prevail with you then, ſaid I, interrupting him? Leave off theſe long Diſcourſes that tend to nothing but to ſplit my Head to Pieces, and to detain me from the Place where my Buſineſs lies. Shave me, I ſay, or be gone; with that ſtarted up in a Huff, ſtamping my Foot againſt the Ground.
When he ſaw I was angry in earneſt; Sir, ſaid he, do not be angry, we’re a going to begin. Soon he waſhed my Head, and fell a ſhaving me; but he had not given four Sweeps of his Razor, but he ſtopped, ſaying, Sir, you’re haſty, you ſhould avoid theſe Tranſports that come only from the Devil. Beſides, my Merit ſpeaks, that you ought to have ſome more Conſideration for me, withreſpect to my Age, my Knowledge, and my ſhining Virtues.
Go on and ſhave me, ſaid I, interrupting him again, and do not ſpeak; that is to ſay, replies he, you have ſome urgent Buſineſs to go about; I’ll lay you a Wager gueſs right, Why, I told you ſo theſe two Hours, ſaid I, you ought to have done before now. Moderate your Paſſion, replied he, perhaps you have not maturely weighed what you are going about; when things are done precipitantly, they are generally repented of. I wiſh you would, tell me what mighty Buſineſs this is, you’re ſo earneſt upon; I would tell you my Opinion of it: Beſides you have time enough, fince your Appointment is not till ​Noon, and it wants Three Hours of that yet. I do not mind that, ſaid I; Perſons of Honour, and of their Word, are rather before their Time than after, But I forget that in amuſing my ſelf with Reaſoning with you, I give into the Faults of your prattling Barbers; ha’ done, ha’ done, ſhave me.
The more haſte I was in, the leſs haſte he made. He laid down bis Razor, and took up his Aſtrolabe; this done, he e’en laid down his Aſtrolabe,and took up his Razor again.
Here the Appearance of Day made Scheherazade ſilent; but next Night ſhe purſued the ſame Thread thus.
The Hundred and Sixty Fourth Night.
THE Barber, continued the lame young Man, quitted his Razor again, and took up his Aſtrolabe a ſecond time; and ſo left me half ſhaved to go and ſee preciſely what a Clock it was. Back he came, and then, Sir, ſaid he, I knew I was not miſtaken, it wants three Hours of Noon, I’m ſure of it, or elſe all the Rules of Aſtronomy are falſe, Juft Heaven, cried I, my Patience is at an End, I can forbear no longer. You curſed Barber, you Barber of Miſchief, I do not know what holds me from falling upon you, and ſtrangling you. Softly, Sir, ſaid he very calmly, without being moved by my Paſſion; you are not afraid of a Relapſe; do not be in a Paſſion, I am going to ſerve you this Minute. In ſpeaking theſe Words, he clapped his Aſtrolabe in his Caſe, and took up his Razor, Which he had fixed to his Belt, and fell a ſhaving again; but all the while he ſhaved, the Dog cou’d not forbear prattling. If you pleaſe, Sir, ſaid he, to tell me, what Buſineſs ’tis you’re going about at Noon, I could give you ſome Advice that may be of Uſe to you. To ſatisfie the Fellow, I to!d him, I was going to meet ſome Friends who ware to regale me at Noon, and make merry with me upon the Recovery of my Health.
When the Barber heard me talk of regaling; God bleſs You, this Day as well as all other Days, cried he; you put me in mind that Yeſterday I invited Four or Five Friends to come and eat with me as this Day; indecd I had forgot it, and I have as yet made no Preparation for them. Do not let that trouble you, ſaid I, though I dine abroad, ​my Houſe is always well provided. I make you a Preſent of what is in it; nay, beſides I’ll order you as much Wine as you have Occaſion for, for I have exceilent Wine in my Cellar. Only you muſt diſpatch the ſhaving of me preſently; and, pray do not mind it, whereas my Father made you Preſents to incourage you to ſpeak, I give you mine to make you hold your Peace.
He was not ſatisfied with the Promiſe I made him; God reward you, Sir, ſaid he, for your Kindnels; but pray ſhew me theſe Provitions now, that I may ſee if there will be enough to entertain my Friends. I would have them ſatisfied with the good Fare I make them. I have, ſaid I, a Lamb, ſix Capons, a Dozen of Pullets, and enough to make Four Services of. I ordered a Slave to bring all before him, with Four great Pitchers of Wine. ’Tis very well, ſaid the Barber, but we ſhall want Fruit and Sauce for the Meat. That I ordered likewiſe; but then he gave over ſhaving, to look over every Thing, one after another; and this Survey laſted almoſt half an Hour. I raged and ſtorm’d, and went mad; but it ſignified nothing, the Coxcomb never troubled himſelf. However, he took up the Razor again, and ſhaved me for ſome Moments; then ſtopping all on a ſudden; I could not have believed, Sir, that you would have been ſo liberal; I begin to perceive that your deceaſed Father lives again in you. Moſt certainly, I do not deſerve the Favours with which you have loaded me; and I aſſure you I ſnall have ’em in perpetual Remembrance; for, Sir, to let you know it, I have nothing but what comes from the Generoſity of honeſt Gentlemen, ſuch as you; in which point I am like to Zantout that rubs the People in bathing, to Sali that cries boil’d Peas in the Streets, to Salout that ſells Beans, to Akerſcha that ſells Greens, to Aboumekarez that ſprinkles the Streets to lay the Duſt, and to Caſſem the Califf’s Life-guard-man. Of all theſe Perſons, not one is apt to be melancholy; they are neither peeviſh nor quarrelſome, they’re more contented with their Lot than the Califf in the midſt of his whole Court; they are always gay, ready to dance and to ſing, and have each of them their peculiar Song and Dance, with which they divert the City of Bagdad; but what I eſteem moſt in them is, that they are no great Talkers no more than your Slave, that has now the Honour to ſpeak to you. Here, Sir, that’s the Song ​and Dance of Zantout that rubs the People in Baths; mind me, pray, and ſee if I do not imitate it exactly.
Scheherazade went no farther this Night, becauſe ſhe perceived Day; next Morning ſhe continued her Story in the following Words.
The Hundred and Sixty Fifth Night.
THE Barber ſung the Song and danced the Dance of Zantout, continued the lame Youth, and let me ſay what I could to oblige him to make an end of his Buffoonries, he did not give over till he imitated in like manner the Songs and Dances of the other People he had named. After that, addreſſing himſelf to me, I am a going, ſays he, to invite all theſe honeſt Perſons to my Houle; if you’ll take my Advice, you’ll join in with us, and baulk your Friends yonder, who perhaps are noiſy Prattlers, that will only teaze you to Death with their nauſeous Diſcourſes, and make you fall into a Diſtemper worſe than that you’re ſo lately recovered of; whereas at my Houſe you ſhall have nothing but Pleaſure.
Notwithſtanding my Anger I could not forbear Laughing at the Fellow’s Impertinence. I wiſh I had no Buſineſs upon my Hands, ſaid I; it I had not, I would accept of the Propoſal you make me; I’d go withall my Heart to be merry with you; but I beg to be excuſed, I am too much engaged this Day; another Day I ſhall be more at Leiſure, and then we ſhall make up that Company. Come, ha’ done ſhaving me, and make haſte to return home; perhaps your Friends are already come to your Houſe. Sir, ſaid he, do not refuſe me the Favour I ask of you; come and be merry with the good Company I am to have: If you were but once in our Company, you would be ſo well pleaſed with it, you would forſake your Friends to come to us. Let’s talk no more of that, ſaid I; I can’t be your Gueſt.
I found I gained no Ground upon him by mild Terms. Since you wili not come to my Houſe, replied the Barber, then pray let me go along with you: I’ll go and carry theſe Things to my Houſe, where my Friends may eat of ’em if they like ’em; and I’ll return immediately; I would not be ſo uncivil as to leave you alone; you deſerve the Complaiſance at my Hands, Heavens, cried I, then I ſhall not ​get clear of this troubleſome Man this Day. In the Name of the living God, ſaid I, leave off your unſeaſonable Jargon; go to your Friends, drink, eat, and be merry with them, and leave me at my Liberty to go to mine. I have a Mind to go alone, I have no Occaſion for Company: Beſides I muſt needs tell you, the Place to which I go is not a Place where you can be received; no Body muſt come there but I. You jeſt, Sir, ſaid he, if your Friends have invited you to a Feaſt, why ſhould you hinder me to accompany you? You’ll pleaſe them, I am ſure, by carrying thither a Man that can ſpeak comically like me, and knows how to divert Company agreeably. But, ſay what you will, the thing is reſolved upon; I will go along with you in ſpight of your Teeth.
Theſe Words, Gentlemen, made me very uneaſy. How ſhall I get rid of this curſed Barber, thought I to my ſelf? If I do not ſnub him roundly, we ſhall ne’er have done conteſting. Betides, I heard then the firſt call to Noon-Prayers; and it was time for me to go. In fine, I reſolved to ſay nothing at all, and to make as if I conſented to his Propoſal. By that time he had done ſhaving me; then I ſaid to him, take ſome of my Servants to carry theſe Proviſions along with you, and return hither; I’ll ſtay for you, and ſhall not go without you.
At laſt he went, and Idreſs’d my ſelf nimbly.
I heard the laft Call to Prayers, and made haſte to ſet out, but the malicious Barber, jealous of my Intention, went with my Servants only within Sight of the Houſe, and ſtood there till he ſaw ’em enter his Houſe; having hid himſelf upon the turning of a Street with intent to obſerve and follow me. In fine, when I arrived at the Cadis’s Door, I looked back and ſaw him at the Head of the Street, which fretted me to the laſt Degree.
The Cadis’s Door was half open, and as I went in ſaw an old Woman waiting for me, who after ſhe had ſhut the Door, conducted me to the Chamber of the young Lady I was in Loye with; but we had ſcarce begun our Interview when we heard a Noiſe in the Streets. The young Lady put her Head to the Window, and ſaw through the Grate, that it was the Cadis her Father returning already from Prayers. At the ſame time I looked through the Window and ſaw the Barber ſitting over-againſt the Houle, in the ​ſame Place where I had ſeen the young Lady before.
I had then two things to fear, the Arrival of the Cadis, and the Preſence of the Barber. The young Lady mitigated my Fear of the firſt, by aſſuring me the Cadis came but very ſeldom to her Chamber, and as ſhe had foreſeen that this Miſadventure might happen, ſhe had contrived a Way to convey me me out ſafe: But the Indiſcretion of the accurſed Barber made me very uneaſy; and you ſhall hear that this my Uneafineſs was not without Ground.
As ſoon as the Cadis was come in, he caned one of his Slaves that deſerved it. The Slave made horrid Shouts which were heard in the Streets; the Barber thought it was I that cried out, and that I was maltraited, Prepoſſeſs’d with this Thought, he ſcreamed out moſt fearfully, rent his Cloaths, and threw Duſt upon his Head, and called the Neighbourhood to his Afſiſtance. The Neighbourhood came, and ask’d what ail’d him, and what Relief he wanted that they could give. Alas, cried he, they are afſaſſinating my Maſter, my dear Patron: and without ſaying any other thing he run all the way to my Houſe, with the very ſame Cry in his Mouth. From thence he returned followed by all my Domeſticks, armed with Battoons. They knocked with unconceivable Fury at the Cadis’s Door, and the Cadis ſent a Slave to ſee what the matter was, but the Slave being frightened, returned to his Maſter crying, Sir, above ten Thousand Men are going to break into your Houſe by Force.
Immediately the Cadis run himſelf, opened the Door and asked what they wanted. His venerable Preſcence could not inſpire them with Respect. They inſolently ſaid to him, you curſed Cadis, you Dog of a Cadis, what Reaſon have younto aſlaſſinate our Maſter? What has he done to you? Good People, replied the Cadis, for what ſhould I aſſaſſinate your Maſter whom I do not know, and who has done no Offence; my Houſe is open to you, come ſee and ſearch. You baſtonado’d him, ſaid the Barber I heard his Cries not above a Minute ago. But pray, replies the Cadis, what Offence could your Maſter do to me, to oblige me to abuſe him after that rate? is he in my Houſe? If he is,how came he in, or who ſhould have introduced him? Ah! wretched Cadis, cries the Barber, you and your ​long Beard ſhall never make me believe what you ſays what I ſay I know to be true; your Daughter is in Love with our Maſter, and gave him a meeting during the Time of Noon-Prayer; you without doubt have had Notice of it, you returned home, and ſurprized him, and made your Slaves baſtonade him; but this your wicked Action ſhall not paſs with Impunity; the Califf ſhall be acquainted with it, and he will give true and brief Juſtice. Let him come out, deliver him to us immediately; or if you do not, we’ll go in and take him from you to your Shame. There’s no occaſion for ſo many Words, replied the Cadis, nor to make ſo great a Noiſe: If what you ſay is true, go in and find him out, I give you free Liberty. Thereupon the Barber and my Domelticks ruſhed into the Houſe like Furies, and looked for me all about.
Scheherazade perceiving Day, ſtopped at this Period. Schahriar roſe, laughing at the indiſcreet Zeal of the Barber, and curious to know what paſs’d in the Cadis’s Houſe, and by what Accident the young Man became lame. Next Night the Sultaneſs ſatisfied his Curioſity, and reſumed the Story in the following Words.
The End of the Fourth Volume.
* ↑ This Year 653 is one of the Hegira, the common Epocha of the Mahometans, and anſwers to the Year 1255 from the Nativity of Chriſt ; from whence we may conjecture that theſe Computations were made in Arabia about that time.
* ↑ As for the 7320 the Author is miſtaken in that Computation. The Year 653 of the Hegira, and the 1255 of Christ concide only with the 1557 of the Era or Epocha of the Seleucides, which is the ſame with that of Alexander the Great, who is here called Is-kender with the two Horns, according to the Expreſſion of the Arabians.