# Getting a Ticket

Cast and Crew :
| Cast ||
| Role | Actor |
| Self | Eddie Cantor |
| | Charles C. Wilson |
| Crew ||
| Director | Mort Blumenstock (d. 1956) |
| Based on available information, the latest crew member that is relevant to international copyright laws died in 1956, meaning that this film may be in the public domain in countries and jurisdictions with 68 years p.m.a. or less, as well as in the United States. ||
A Paramount Picture
Adolph Zukor & Jesse L. Lasky
present
Eddie Cantor
in
Getting A Ticket
DIRECTED BY
Morton Blumenstock
Copyright MCMXXIX By U.M.&M. TV Corp. All Rights Reserved
Judge You are charged here with disorderly conduct. You were found making violent love to this woman in the park. What have you to say for yourself?
Eddie Cantor Well I admit it your honor. I was making love to this woman in the park. But it's perfectly all right, she's my wife, here's our marriage certificate!
Judge Case dismissed.
Cantor Honey, I'll come home just as soon as the radiator stops knocking.
Cantor's wife Goodbye.
Policeman Say, um, I'm sorry that I arrested you, I didn't know that was your wife.
Cantor Neither did I until you put the flashlight in her face.
Policeman Woah, by there!
Policeman Oh, so it's you again.
Cantor Hello.
Policeman Where's the fire?
Cantor I don't smell anything.
Policeman Do you know you were burning up the road, going fifty-five miles an hour?
Cantor Why, I haven't been on an hour!
Policeman Come on, get out of that car.
Cantor I can't.
Policeman Can't, why not?
Cantor I've got my foot on the brake.
Policeman Come on, get out.
Policeman Now, what's that?
Cantor My laundry.
Policeman Your laundry, huh?
Cantor My wet wash.
Policeman Say, this is whisky!
Cantor Didn't take you long to find out.
Policeman Boy, that stuff will make you blind!
Cantor Hm-hm. You look a little cock-eyed already.
Policeman Know what I'm gonna do with this?
Cantor You've been doing it! You've been doing it!
Policeman I'm going to confiscate it.
Cantor Well... confiscated.
Policeman Hey hey, wait a minute.
I'm not forgetting I gotta give you a ticket.
You got a pen?
Cantor With my own gun he kills me.
Policeman Where's your license?
Cantor Well officer, I've got a surprise for you.
I ain't got a license.
Policeman You haven't?
Cantor I'll be all right, I'll be all right.
Policeman Boy, you're a beauty. Where do you live?
Cantor We moved.
Policeman From where?
Cantor Uh, near my aunt's house. Well you see, my aunt lived a little bit away from where we used to live. She's a widow. Her husband died. That's how she came to be a widow.
Cantor The stock market didn't kill him. No, he's one that the stock market didn't kill. He died in September, B.C., Before the Crash. Very sick man. He had diabetes at forty-five. That's nothing; I had Chrysler at 110!
Cantor And you know, he didn't leave my aunt very much money. He had a bad business. He was a southern planter. An Atlanta undertaker. And, my aunt used to come to my house very often. And, she used to say to me, "would you all like to come to a picnic?" You know, that's how the Southerners speak, "you all". From the south of Russia.
Cantor And I said, "yeah, I'd like to go". And she said "bring your own food". She always used to say that. My uncle taught her, that people should bring their own—they were very stingy. In fact, they used to make their children eat in front of the mirror, so they think they're getting twice as much.
Cantor Well anyway, I brought along hot boiled eggs to the picnic. The reason why I brought 'em, the hard boiled eggs, was because I like it. Funny, isn't it? So, when we got out to the picnic, I couldn't wait. You know, because ants get around. I don't mean my—so, I said, "do you mind if we eat right away" and my aunt said "no, go ahead". So I said, "Grace" (that's her name), I said "Grace, I'm gonna eat my eggs right away". And when I started to peel the eggs, I looked around for salt, and I said "anybody bring salt?" And would you believe it? No one had brought any salt.
Cantor So I ate the eggs without salt, and it really wasn't bad. It's a small world, isn't it? I'll see you again sometime.
Policeman Hey hey hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. What's that got to do with me giving you a ticket?
Now I want to know where you live now.
Cantor Oh, well I, it's a one-way street. I forget.
Policeman Well will a twenty-dollar fine help you to remember?
Cantor Would a ten-dollar bill help you to forget?
Policeman Is that a bribe?
Cantor No, it's an offer.
Policeman Well, cut it out, cut it out!
Cantor Oh, well, here.
Policeman I said "cut it out"!
Cantor Oh, I thought you said "get it out"!
Both Oooh!
Cantor Well, so you're not an elk.
Policeman What's your name?
Cantor Eddie Cantor.
Policeman You're not Eddie Cantor the actor?
Cantor Well I'm not Eddie cantor the manicurist...
Policeman You got any means of identification?
Cantor Yeah, I've got a scar, right here.
Policeman Never mind the scar.
I mean, have you got any letters on you, any papers?
Cantor Well what am I, a file?
That kinda bulges out of your pocket.
Policeman Now listen. If you're Cantor the actor, let me hear you sing one of his songs!
Cantor All right, I'll tell you one. So look.
I've got a photograph here, and one of my records. I'll play you one of the records, all right?
Policeman Ah, no you don't. I want to hear you sing in person.
Cantor All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll put on one of my records, and I'll sing with it, and you won't be able to tell the difference. All right?
Policeman Okay.
Cantor See ya. Here we go!
Cantor Listen!
Cantor
Policeman Boy, that's good. You're Cantor all right. Well, there's your ticket.
Cantor For speeding?
Policeman No; for disturbing the peace.
A Paramount Picture
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published before January 1, 1930.
Copyright law abroad tends to consider the following people authors of a film:
* The principal director
* The screenwriter, and/or other writers of dialogue
* The composer/lyricist (if the film is accompanied by sound)
* The cinematographer
* By extension, the authors of any works that may serve as the basis for a film's plot
The longest-living of these authors died in 1956, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 68 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works.
Public domainPublic domainfalsefalse