# Quicksand (Larsen)/Part 6

Six
Helga woke to the sound of rain. The day was leaden gray, and misty black, and dullish white. She was not surprised, the night had promised it. She made a little frown, remembering that it was today that she was to search for work.
She dressed herself carefully, in the plainest garments she possessed, a suit of fine blue twill faultlessly tailored, from whose left. pocket peeped a gay kerchief, an unadorned, heavy silk blouse, a small, smart, fawn-colored hat, and slim, brown oxfords, and chose a brown umbrella. In a near-by street she sought out an appealing little restaurant, which she had noted in her last night‘s ramble through the neighborhood, for the thick cups and the queer dark silver of the Young Women‘s Christian Association distressed her.
​After a slight breakfast she made her way to the library, that ugly gray building, where was housed much knowledge and a little wisdom, on interminable shelves. The friendly person at the desk in the hall bestowed. on her a kindly smile when Helga stated her business and asked for directions.
“The corridor to your left, then the second door to your right,” she was told.
Outside the indicated door, for half a second she hesitated, then braced herself and went in. In less than a quarter of an hour she came out, in surprised disappointment. “Library training“—“civil service”—“library school”—“classification”—“cataloguing”—“training class”—“examination”—“probation period”—flitted through her mind.
“How erudite they must be!” she remarked sarcastically to herself, and ignored the smiling curiosity of the desk person as she went through the hall to the street. For a long moment she stood on the high stone steps above ​the avenue, then shrugged her shoulders and stepped down. It was a disappointment, but of course there were other things. She would find something else. But what? Teaching, even substitute teaching, was hopeless now, in March. She had no business training, and the shops. didn‘t employ colored clerks or sales-people, not even the smaller ones. She couldn‘t sew, she couldn‘t cook. Well, she could do housework, or wait on table, for a short time at least. Until she got a little money together. With this thought she remembered that the Young Women‘s Christian Association maintained an employment agency.
“Of course, the very thing!” She exclaimed, aloud. “I‘ll go straight back.”
But, though the day was still drear, rain had ceased to fall, and Helga, instead of returning, spent hours in aimless strolling about the hustling streets of the Loop district. When at last she did retrace her steps, the business day had ended, and the employment office was ​closed. This frightened her a little, this and the fact that she had spent money, too much money, for a book and a tapestry purse, things which she wanted, but did not need and certainly could not afford. Regretful and dismayed, she resolved to go without her dinner, as a self-inflicted penance, a well as an economy—and she would be at the employment office the first thing tomorrow morning.
But it was not until three days more had passed that Helga Crane sought the Association, or any other employment office. And then it was sheer necessity that drove her there, for her money had dwindled to a ridiculous sum. She had put off the hated moment, had assured herself that she was tired, needed a bit of vacation, was due one. It had been pleasant, the leisure, the walks, the lake, the shops and streets with their gay colors, their movement, after the great quiet of Naxos. Now shewas panicky.
In the office a few nondescript women ​sat scattered about on the long rows of chairs. Some were plainly uninterested, others wore an air of acute expectancy, which disturbed Helga. Behind a desk two alert young women, both wearing a superior air, were busy writ- ing upon and filing countless white cards. Now and then one stopped to answer the telephone.
“Y. W. C. A. employment. . . . Yes. Spell it, please. . . . Sleep in or out? Thirty dollars? . . . Thank you, I‘ll send one right over.”
Or, “I‘m awfully sorry, we haven‘t anybody right now, but I‘ll send you the first one that comes in.”
Their manners were obtrusively business-like, but they ignored the already embarrassed Helga. Diffidently she approached the desk. The darker of the two looked up and turned on a little smile.
“Yes?” she inquired.
“I wonder if you can help me? I want work,” Helga stated simply.
​"Maybe. What kind? Have you references?"
Helga explained. She was a teacher. A graduate of Devon. Had been teaching in Naxos.
The girl was not interested. “Our kind of work wouldn‘t do for you,” she kept repeating at the end of each of Helga‘s statements. “Domestic mostly.”
When Helga said that she was willing to accept work of any kind, a slight, almost imperceptible change crept into her manner and her perfunctory smile disappeared. She repeated her question about the reference. On learning that Helga had none, she said sharply, finally: “I‘m sorry, but we never send out help without references.”
With a feeling that she had been slapped, Helga Crane hurried out. After some lunch she sought out an employment agency on State Street. An hour passed in patient sitting. Then came her turn to be interviewed. She ​said, simply, that she wanted work, work of any kind. A competent young woman, whose eyes stared frog-like from great tortoise-shell-rimmed glasses, regarded her with an appraising look and asked for her history, past and present, not forgetting the “references.” Helga told her that she was a graduate of Devon, had taught in Naxos. But even before she arrived at the explanation of the lack of references, the other's interest in her had faded.
“I'm sorry, but we have nothing that you would be interested in,” she said and motioned to the next seeker, who immediately came forward, proffering several much worn papers.
“References,” thought Helga, resentfully, bitterly, as she went out the door into the crowded garish street in search of another agency, where her visit was equally vain.
Days of this sort of thing. Weeks of it. And of the futile scanning and answering of newspaper advertisements. She traversed acres ​of streets, but it seemed that in that whole energetic place nobody wanted her services. At least not the kind that she offered. A few men, both white and black, offered her money, but the price of the money was too dear. Helga Crane did not feel inclined to pay it.
She began to feel terrified and lost. And she was a little hungry too, for her small money was dwindling and she felt the need to economize somehow. Food was the easiest.
In the midst of her search for work she felt horribly lonely too. This sense of loneliness increased, it grew to appalling proportions, encompassing her, shutting her off from all of life around her. Devastated she was, and always on the verge of weeping. It made her feel small and insignificant that in all the climbing massed city no one cared one whit about her.
Helga Crane was not religious. She took nothing on trust. Nevertheless on Sundays she attended the very fashionable, very high ​services in the Negro Episcopal church on Michigan Avenue. She hoped that some good Christian would speak to her, invite her to return, or inquire kindly if she was a stranger in the city. None did, and she became bitter, distrusting religion more than ever. She was herself unconscious of that faint hint of offishness which hung about her and repelled advances, an arrogance that stirred in people a peculiar irritation. They noticed her, admired her clothes, but that was all, for the self-sufficient uninterested manner adopted instinctively as a protective measure for her acute sensitiveness, in her child days, still clung to her.
An agitated feeling of disaster closed in on her, tightened. Then, one afternoon, coming in from the discouraging round of agencies and the vain answering of newspaper wants to the stark neatness of her room, she found between door and sill a small folded note. Spreading it open, she read:
​Miss Crane: Please come into the employment office as soon as you return.
Ida Ross
Helga spent some time in the contemplation of this note. She was afraid to hope. Its possibilities made her feel a little hysterical. Finally, after removing the dirt of the dusty streets, she went down, down to that room where she had first felt the smallness of her commercial value. Subsequent failures had augmented her feeling of incompetence, but she resented the fact that these clerks were evidently aware of her unsuccess. It required all the pride and indifferent hauteur she could summon to support her in their presence. Her additional arrogance passed unnoticed by those for whom it was assumed. They were interested only in the business for which they had summoned her, that of procuring a ​traveling-companion for a lecturing female on her way to a convention.
“She wants,” Miss Ross told Helga, “someone intelligent, someone who can help her get her speeches in order on the train. We thought of you right away. Of course, it isn‘t permanent. She‘ll pay your expenses and there‘ll be twenty-five dollars besides. She leaves tomorrow. Here‘s her address. You‘re to go to see her at five o‘clock. It‘s after four now. I‘ll phone that you‘re on your way.”
The presumptuousness of their certainty that she would snatch at the opportunity galled Helga. She became aware of a desire to be disagreeable. The inclination to fling the address of the lecturing female in their face stirred in her, but she remembered the lone five-dollar bill in the rare old tapestry purse swinging from her arm. She couldn‘t afford anger. So she thanked them very politely and set out for the home of Mrs. Hayes-Rore on Grand Boulevard, knowing full well that she intended ​to take the job, if the lecturing one would take her. Twenty-five dollars was not to be looked at with nose in air when one was the owner of but five. And meals—meals for four days at least.
Mrs. Hayes-Rore proved to be a plump lemon-colored woman with badly straightened hair and dirty finger-nails. Her direct, penetrating gaze was somewhat formidable. Notebook in hand, she gave Helga the impression of having risen early for consultation with other harassed authorities on the race problem, and having been in conference on the subject all day. Evidently, she had had little time or thought for the careful donning of the five-years-behind-the-mode garments which covered her, and which even in their youth could hardly have fitted or suited her. She had a tart personality, and prying. She approved of Helga, after asking her endless questions about her education and her opinions on the race problem, none of which she was permitted to answer, for ​Mrs. Hayes-Rore either went on to the next or answered the question herself by remarking: “Not that it matters, if you can only do what I want done, and the girls at the ‘Y‘ said that you could. I‘m on the Board of Managers, and I know they wouldn‘t send me anybody who wasn‘t all right.” After this had been repeated twice in a booming, oratorical voice, Helga felt that the Association secretaries had taken an awful chance in sending a person about whom they knew as little as they did about her.
“Yes, I‘m sure you‘ll do. I don‘t really need ideas, I‘ve plenty of my own. It‘s just a matter of getting someone to help me get my speeches in order, correct and condense them, you know. I leave at eleven in the morning. Can you be ready by then? . . . That‘s good. Better be here at nine. Now, don‘t disappoint me. I‘m depending on you.”
As she stepped into the street and made her way skillfully through the impassioned ​human traffic, Helga reviewed the plan which she had formed, while in the lecturing one‘s presence, to remain in New York. There would be twenty-five dollars, and perhaps the amount of her return ticket. Enough for a start. Surely she could get work there. Everybody did. Anyway, she would have a reference.
With her decision she felt reborn. She began happily to paint the future in vivid colors. The world had changed to silver, and life ceased to be a struggle and became a gay adventure. Even the advertisements in the shop windows seemed to shine with radiance,
Curious about Mrs. Hayes-Rore, on her return to the “Y” she went into the employment office, ostensibly to thank the girls and to report that that important woman would take her. Was there, she inquired, anything that she needed to know? Mrs. Hayes-Rore had appeared to put such faith in their recommendation of her that she felt almost obliged ​to give satisfaction. And she added: “I didn‘t get much chance to ask questions. She seemed so—er—busy.”
Both the girls laughed. Helga laughed with them, surprised that she hadn‘t perceived before how really likable they were.
“We‘ll be through here in ten minutes. If you‘re not busy, come in and have your supper with us and we‘ll tell you about her,” promised Miss Ross.