# Memorials of Capt. Hedley Vicars, Ninety-seventh Regiment by Marsh, Catherine, 1818-1912/Chapter 5

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V.— HOME.
The 97th landed in England in the month of May, 1853, and went into barracks at Walmer. Shortly after its arrival, Hedley Vicars wrote the following letter, which is characteristic of the warmth of his gratitude for spiritual benefit:
TO DR. TWINING.
"Walmer Barracks, June 8, 1853. "My Very Dear Dr. Twining— When I wished you farewell from the deck of the Simoon, I felt that I was parting with my best earthly friend, and although homeward bound, I never felt more truly depressed. And, oh, what a Sunday! What a contrast to the happy Sabbaths I had passed for the previous eighteen months! I shall never forget it. The band on the poop placed lively and profane airs as we sailed out of the harbour. I might have liked it well enough any other day, but then it grated harshly on my ear. My thoughts, however, were in the garrison chapel on shore, and I wished that I were sitting in my old seat, listening to the sound of your voice proclaiming pardon and peace through the blood of the cross.
"Then at the close of the day, instead of our delightful evening class, which we began by raising our voices in praise to our dear Redeemer, loud oaths and ​imprecations fell unceasingly on the ear; even in my cabin I could not escape the sound of them. This was the case every Sunday we were on board, excepting that we had a short service in the morning. We had some rough weather, but being a good sailor I did not mind it. I occupied the same cabin with Burton, and we had many serious conversations together on the things belonging to our eternal peace. He always knelt down, morning and evening, in prayer to his God, and I had every reason to value him as a companion.
"I think you were guilty of saying that I should probably forget you within a month after I left Halifax. You never were more mistaken, for I can assure you I never parted with any man for whom I felt a greater regard and esteem than yourself: and I often look back with pleasing recollections on the many days and months I have passed in your family. I cannot express the gratitude I feel towards you, as being the instrument in God's hands of my conversion. May He reward you seven-fold. Oh, what would I not give to have met you in my earlier years; but this perhaps is wrong, for every thing is ordered wisely for us in the counsels of Providence. I do not believe there is a man in the regiment who had plunged deeper in sin and iniquity than he who now writes this against himself. I was in the full career of vice when I arrived in Halifax. It was your preaching, brought home with saving power to my heart by the power of the Holy Spirit, which stopped me, and I am, I trust, at length brought out of darkness to light, and from ignorance of God to a knowledge of his ways. I look upon myself as a monument of God's goodness, in that He allowed me time for repentance, and gave me an instructor and guide — one who was not afraid to confess Christ crucified, and to preach faithfully the great truths of the Gospel. I would thank you, my dear Dr. Twining, from ​the bottom of my heart, for all the good advice and counsel you have ever so kindly given me. I can show my gratitude in one wav, and I know you will value it: I have not bent my knees before the throne of grace for many a month, without remembering you, nor shall you ever want my poor prayers. I trust that you maybe made instrumental in the conversion of many more souls. Continue, as you have hitherto done, to know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified, and you must be successful. No other preaching will be of any avail, nor afford one ray of comfort to him, who knows himself to be a lost and undone sinner.
"I have not time to write more: we are now quartered at Walmer Barracks, but are to move to the Tower of London early next week, and then to the camp on Chobham Common in July. The Adjutant-General at the inspection praised the appearance of the regiment very much.
"Just fancy, I have not yet been able to get leave to see my mother, though I have not seen her for nearly nine years. Give my love to Mrs. Twining. I believe every officer in the regiment feels her attention and motherly kindness to poor Jones. May God bless her for it. Give my love also to all your family, and remember me to my Halifax friends. I enclose a note from Corporal Sweeney. I am glad to say he is getting on very well, also Daim, Ackroy, Fussel, Young, Bills, and Hylyard. May God Almighty bless you and all your family for Jesus Christ's sake. Ever believe me, my dear Dr. Twining, yours with sincerest esteem and regard,
Hedley Vicars.
On the same day he responds to the expression of his mother's earnest longing to see his face again, after nine years' separation, in these words:
"It gives me much pain, my own dearest mother, ​to be again obliged to disappoint you, but it cannot be helped; so I beseech you not to fret yourself on my account. Your letters breathe such love and anxiety to see me, that I feel half inclined to desert!!
"I am delighted to hear that your health is good. God grant that it may long continue so. I want to know whether you find from experience that your love to Christ now is less warm, less palpable to yourself than when you were first converted? I feel that it so with me — at least that I have not a crucified Saviour ever before me as I once had: and I do not feel so much anxiety as I once did for the souls around me. Then, again, at times, I parley with the tempter by listening to his suggestions instead of casting them from me at the onset. But Jesus died, for me. I trust, by the grace of God, that the devil will never be able to induce me to give up this precious truth."
Their happy meeting followed soon afterwards. The long desired leave came at last, and on the evening of the 15th of June, he arrived unexpectedly at home whilst his family were at church attending a week-day service. The joy of that meeting was one with which a stranger intermeddleth not.
To the family and friends of Hedley Vicars, the year which followed his return home was one of interest and happiness of no common kind. The heart of his widowed mother "sang for joy" as she marked "the exceeding grace of God in him," and his sisters and brothers found him to be at once a cheerful companion, a faithful friend, and a wise adviser. The time of his leave was chiefly spent at Terling Place, Essex, the seat of his brother-in-law, Lord Rayleigh, whose brotherly kindness and Christian love made his house truly a home to Hedley Vicars. Here he enjoyed the unreserved interchange of warm affection with every member of his family. He shared his sisters' pursuits with animated, interest. ​They walked and rode together, or he read to them from his favourite authors. But their music was his chief enjoyment:
"When in the all-golden afternoon A guest or happy sister sung,
Or here she brought the harp and flung
A ballad to the brightening moon.
"Nor less it pleased in livelier mood
Beyond the bounding hills to stray,
And break the livelong summer day With banquet in the distant wood."
His sunshiny temper and buoyant spirits made him the idol of his sister's children, and endless was the number of stories which entranced his young auditors in the long summer twilight or by the cheerful winter fireside. Stories improvised for the occasion, concerning wandering adventurers in "foreign parts," or dead heroes of by-gone wars — leaders of forlorn hopes, who triumphed over unheard of difficulties, and died amidst unimaginable successes. The very sight of his face seemed a signal for cheerfulness.
He walked in the glorious liberty of the sons of God, and with the free heart of a child, enjoyed every pleasure in the gift of which he could trace his Father's hand: yet was there still the evidence in his daily life of a chastened and sobered spirit, and of his stedfast obedience to his Master's word, "Watch and Pray."
With the thankful approbation of the Vicar of Terling, whose gifted and faithful ministry he greatly valued, Hedley Vicars visited the sick and aged poor of the village. They all loved him, but with the old women he was an especial favourite. His courteous manners, worn as much for them as if each had been a Queen Dowager, won his way to their hearts at once, and gained a willing hearing for the message he loved to bear.
​"Everywhere he was followed by affection and respect, writes one, whose graceful sketch of his brief history has already appeared in the pages of a religious periodical. "There was no mistaking the spirit of the Christian in the manly independence, the genuine humility, the open, unselfish heart, and the singleness of purpose which ever seemed to say, 'One thing I have desired—one thing I do.'"
But chiefly did he delight in speaking of the things which belonged to their everlasting pence, to those who were nearest and dearest to his heart.
"It was something so very new and precious," said the sister who had been the chief friend of his boyhood, and had maintained the most frequent correspondence with him in his long absence, "to have a tender brother who gave one the loving protection of a father, and the faithful counsel of a friend." Daily did they gather round him for the study of the Word of God, and after the nightly farewells to the drawing-room circle, he met his mother and sisters again for holy conversation and prayer.
Precious, indeed, must have been those too fleeting hours of unreserved fellowship of hearts, dimly foreshadowing a more lasting and perfect communion yet to be.
That this tender interest in their best welfare was sustained in absence, will be seen by his letters written at this period:
TO MISS VICARS.
Walmer, July 4th, 1853.
"My Dearest Mary—I received your letter on Friday last, and began to answer it yesterday, but could not finish it. O, my beloved sister, how I love to hear you speak about Christ: and what comfort, what cause for abundant gratitude to our heavenly ​Father, ought each of us to find in the cheering belief that we are knit together in the blood-bought bonds of the Saviour's love; that our hearts, wayward, changeable, naturally evil (as they ever will be here), have been made the temples of the Holy Ghost; that they have been renewed by his blessed influence, and that the work of sanctification is now going on within them, making us meet for the inheritance which our dear Redeemer has purchased for us!
"I am sure many Christians deprive themselves of much real benefit and assistance by withholding communion with each other. We cannot expect to reach perfection in righteousness, dearest Mary; but, whilst humbling ourselves in the dust for our manifold iniquities, let us often, by counsel and persuasion, urge each other to put on a cheerful courage, and to run with patience the race set before us, never forgetting to look to Jesus, the Alpha and Omega of our hopes.
"Oh, that we all felt more delight in speaking of the unbounded love of him who was crucified for us! Let us always endeavour to be looking for the coming of Christ Jesus: and then when He does come in the clouds, with the glory and majesty of a sovereign, we shall be found amongst them who love His appearing.
"O my sweet sister, what are we that God should single us out from the millions that are still living without him in the world; that He should cause us to believe the precious truths revealed in the Gospel of his dear Son, which are foolishness to the natural man, but to us (and to all believers) are the wisdom of God and the power of God. Let us pray often for each other. The affection that prompts to this is love indeed.
"My love to all. Clara and Edward are at Chobham, I suppose. Tell Clara, she cannot feel more sorry than I am, that I could not get leave to be able ​to meet her there. Tell Lord Rayleigh, with my love, that I sent my groom off this morning at six o'clock for the mare, and will write when she comes, to let him know how I like her.
"Ever, my darling little sister,
"Your most attached brother,
"Hedley Vicars."
Part of the months of July and August were passed in Camp at Chobham. He thus graphically described its scenes to his youngest sister:—
"Chobham, August 17th.
" * * * I think you would laugh if you saw me in my bell tent, sitting on a camp stool, at a box with four legs to represent a table. The furniture of my room consists of a camp bedstead, portmanteau, and tub.
"I have plenty of straw, but it is rather mouldy! My servant endeavoured to get up a small garden in front, but I fear the shrubs must have been minus roots, for they seem in a very sickly state, as if the soil of Chobham did not agree with them!
"I spent a very pleasant day on Thursday. Uncle Edward gave me a ticket for the Naval Review at Spithead. I went, with about two hundred officers from the Camp. We had a large steamer to ourselves, and consequently were able to see everything. It was a very grand and imposing spectacle; but you have seen the whole account in the papers, so I will not describe it.
"The Camp is to be broken up next Saturday, when we are to proceed to Canterbury. I should not be sorry to be once more settled in quarters, as I find it difficult in this place to obtain those seasons of retirement for holding communion with my heavenly ​Father, which are so necessary to the keeping alive of religion in the soul."
In the month of August, not without regret, he resigned the Adjutancy of his regiment, in consequence of circumstances which need not be mentioned here. His best friends not only fully justified him in taking this step, but valued him the more for the reasons which led to it.
In the following letter, he alludes briefly to his painful feelings on this occasion:
TO HIS MOTHER.
"August, 1854.
"My Dearest Mother— * * * I remember well the unenviable state of my feelings, whilst stretched on the straw, with nothing to disturb me but the tramp of the sentry in front of my tent door. I fancied myself deserted by every one, even by my God. I cannot tell you what I suffered then. At last I thought, 'Oh, for some Christian friend to converse with me!' Just then I heard a voice saying, 'Mr. Vicars, are you at home?' I jumped up, and saw a Mr. Rigby, a home missionary, whom I had seen in the tent on Sundays. I invited him in, and we sat side by side on the straw for more than an hour, conversing on those delightful subjects, the Sinner's Friend and the Christian's Home. Oh, the comfort of meeting with a child of God, when Satan has been assaulting you and tempting you to despair! We knelt on the ground, and leaning against the tent-pole, prayed together. What a soothing influence has prayer over the soul! But it is the Holy Spirit who prompts us; and to Him be all the glory.
"A Christian has certainly his moments of bitterness and anguish; but I would not change even these for the world's moments of jollity and mirth. The former generally precede happy hours of peace and calm; and the latter, I know, end in trouble and remorse.
"'Tis religion that can give
Sweetest pleasures whilst we live; 'Tis religion must supply
Solid comfort when we die.'
"When on guard I was struck with a proof that God is no respecter of persons, and has his own people in every class. I saw two miserable, wretched-looking men, picking up pieces of rag, as I thought, in front of the guard tents; after they had collected several, they sat down. I went to them, and found they were collecting bits of meat and biscuit, which had been thrown away by the men after their dinner, and were covered with dirt. These they ate ravenously. I got them some clean meat and a loaf of bread, and conversed with them for about ten minutes.
"They seemed surprised at an officer, in 'such fine clothes,' talking to them about Christ. One of them had been a stoker on a railway, who had been run over by a train which had smashed his foot and hand. Yet he could talk with delight of the mercy of God his Saviour, and of his goodness and forbearance. Who knows but that I may meet and recognise those poor fellows in heaven?
"We started from camp on Saturday morning at five o'clock, and marched to Working station, distant about five miles from Chobham. During a half hour's halt on the road, I fell to nutting, as nuts were plentiful in the hedges, and back went my thoughts to the days of my boyhood.
"We are now quartered at Canterbury. On Sunday evening I went to Mr. Lee Warner's church, and heard a beautiful sermon, from 'Enoch walked with God, and was not, for God took him.' A brother officer of mine told me that he had went to a church which was decked out just like a Roman Catholic chapel, and the minister, in urging the necessity of good works, stated that they, and they alone, could bring a ​man peace of mind at the last. The name of Jesus was only mentioned once. It is grievous that those who preach 'another gospel' (Gal. i. 8) should be permitted to remain in the Church, to misguide and deceive. Let us thank God that we have not so learned Christ; and that instead of trusting to, or attaching any degree of merit to our own righteousness, which is but as filthy rags, we can look to Jesus as our wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption."
A short leave in September enabled him to spend a few days with his mother at Southend. Those days were chiefly passed on the water, where he exercised the somewhat renowned prowess of his strong arm in rowing, whilst his mother accompanied him in the boat, and they took sweet counsel together. Well does she love to linger in saddened remembrance over those hours of delight, which can return to her on earth no more for ever.
TO HIS MOTHER.
"My Darling Mother— I left you yesterday with no slight feelings of regret, as you might easily imagine if you had ever been a son. I agree with G., that there is but little of 'the real thing' in the world, and therefore a man values a mother's love the more.
"At the railway station I met two of my brother officers returning from leave, to rejoin the regiment. We had the carriage to ourselves, and I occupied myself in reading Hugh White's 'Sermons on the Second Advent.' I hesitated to bring it out for some time, lest they should ask me what I was reading, but overcame at last this wretched false shame. I suppose they guessed pretty well what sort of a book I had in hand, and so went off to sleep without taking the trouble to inquire.
"Cay came to my room at night, and we had a pleasant conversation, together. We read Romans ​viii., and prayed. I felt very happy then: but after he left, about eleven o'clock, I fell asleep whilst praying by myself. I know my Saviour has forgiven me; but I really cannot well forgive myself, and feel much pain at the recollection of my slothfulness and irreverence. When I awoke this morning I was enabled to pray fervently for you, dearest mother, and for Clara, Mary, Georgie, and Edward, individually. I know no greater happiness than that which earnest prayer brings to the heart, when, undisturbed by wandering thoughts, we can behold our crucified Redeemer, and hear his voice pleading for us before the mercy-seat.
"To-day I called on Captain Ingram, and enjoyed a walk with him. He is a truly Christian man. I have just been reading Haweis' 'Spiritual Companion to the Lord's Supper.' I have not partaken of that blessed feast since I was at Terling, but trust to do so next Sunday, please God. May that holy sacrament call to my mind in more vivid remembrance the great evil of sin; for never was it seen so forcibly as when written in a Saviour's agony and bloody sweat, and in his cross and passion."
TO LADY RAYLEIGH.
"There is much in the signs of the times to make us believe that the Redeemer's advent is near. It may be we shall not taste of death, but be caught up to meet the Lord in the air. Beloved sister, let us live in hourly expectation of that solemn yet joyful event. Let us judge of our own state by the happiness the thought gives us, and not rest satisfied until the language of our hearts shall be, 'Even so, come, Lord Jesus.'
"I cannot tell you how much happiness I find in the society of our dearest mother. I can see her ripening for glory, and have already derived much benefit from our intercourse and communion. My leave lasts till the 31st of December; and I shall spend most of the time with her in London."
* ↑ Rev. T. D. Bernard, Vicar of Terling.
* ↑ Colonel Vicars, R.E., who commanded the Engineers at Chobham.