# The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet (Dowden)/Act 2/Scene 4

SCENE IV.—The Same. A Street.
Enter Benvolio and Mercutio.
| Mer. | Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home to-night? |
| Ben. | Not to his father's; I spoke with his man. |
| Mer. | Why, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, Torments him so, that he will sure run mad. 5 |
| Ben. | Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet, Hath sent a letter to his father's house. |
| Mer. | A challenge, on my life. |
| Ben. | Romeo will answer it. |
| Mer. | Any man that can write may answer a 10 letter. |
| Ben. | Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares, being dared. |
| Mer. | Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot thorough 15 the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft; and is he a man to encounter Tybalt? |
| Ben. | Why, what is Tybalt? |
| Mer. | More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, 20 ​he is the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom; the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a 25 duellist; a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause. Ah, the im- mortal passado! the punto reverso! the hay! |
| Ben. | The what? |
| Mer. | The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting 30 ​fantasticoes, these new tuners of accents! "By Jesu, a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!" Why, is not this a lament- able thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-35 mongers, these pardonnez-mois, who stand so much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bons, their bons! |
Enter Romeo.
| Ben. | Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.40 |
| Mer. | Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, ​flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido,45 a dowdy; Cleopatra, a gipsy; Helen and Hero, hildings and harlots; Thisbe, a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose.—Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the50 counterfeit fairly last night. |
| Rom. | Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? |
| Mer. | The slip, sir, the slip; can you not con- ceive?55 |
| Rom. | Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy. |
| Mer. | That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.60 |
| Rom. | Meaning, to court'sy. |
| Mer. | Thou hast most kindly hit it. |
| Rom. | A most courteous exposition. |
| Mer. | Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. |
| Rom. | Pink for flower.65 |
| Mer. | Right. |
| Rom. | Why, then is my pump well flowered. |
| Mer. | Well said; follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after70 the wearing, solely singular. |
| Rom. | O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness! |
| Mer. | Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.75 |
| Rom. | Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match. |
| Mer. | Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done; for thou hast more of the wild- goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I80 have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose? |
| Rom. | Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast not there for the goose. |
| Mer. | I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.85 |
| Rom. | Nay, good goose, bite not. |
| Mer. | Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce. |
| Rom. | And is it not well served in to a sweet goose? |
| Mer. | O, here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from90 an inch narrow to an ell broad! |
| Rom. | I stretch it out for that word "broad"; which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. |
| Mer. | Why, is not this better now than groaning for95 love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.100 |
| Ben. | Stop there, stop there. |
| Mer. | Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. |
| Ben. | Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. |
| Mer. | O, thou art deceived; I would have made it105 short; for I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer. |
| Rom. | Here's goodly gear! |
Enter Nurse and Peter.
| Mer. | A sail, a sail!110 |
| Ben. | Two, two; a shirt and a smock. |
| Nurse. | Peter! |
| Peter. | Anon? |
| Nurse. | My fan, Peter. |
| Mer. | Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's115 the fairer of the two. |
| Nurse. | God ye good morrow, gentlemen. |
| Mer. | God ye good den, fair gentlewoman. |
| Nurse. | Is it good den? |
| Mer. | 'Tis no less, I tell you; for the bawdy hand120 of the dial is now upon the prick of noon. |
| Nurse. | Out upon you! what a man are you! |
| Rom. | One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar. |
| Nurse. | By my troth, it is well said; "for himself to125 mar," quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo? |
| Rom. | I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was130 when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. |
| Nurse. | You say well. |
| Mer. | Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely.135 |
| Nurse. | If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you. |
| Ben. | She will indite him to some supper. |
| Mer. | A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho! |
| Rom. | What hast thou found?140 |
| Mer. | No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.[Sings. ​An old hare hoar, And an old hare hoar,145 Is very good meat in Lent: But a hare that is hoar, Is too much for a score, When it hoars ere it be spent.— Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll150 to dinner thither. |
| Rom. | I will follow you. |
| Mer. | Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, [singing] "lady, lady, lady." [Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio. |
| Nurse. | Marry, farewell!—I pray you, sir, what155 saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery? |
| Rom. | A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear him- self talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.160 |
| Nurse. | An a' speak anything against me, I'll take him down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.165 —[To Peter.] And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? |
| Peter. | I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have170 been out, I warrant you. I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occa- sion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side. |
| Nurse. | Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every175 ​part about me quivers. Scurvy knave!—Pray you, sir, a word; and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say I will keep to myself; but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's para-180 dise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young, and therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very185 weak dealing. |
| Rom. | Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee— |
| Nurse. | Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful190 woman. |
| Rom. | What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me. |
| Nurse. | I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike195 offer. |
| Rom. | Bid her devise Some means to come to shrift this afternoon; And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.200 |
| Nurse. | No, truly, sir; not a penny. |
| Rom. | Go to; I say you shall. |
| Nurse. | This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there. |
| Rom. | And stay, good nurse; behind the abbey-wall Within this hour my man shall be with thee,205 And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair; Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains; Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.210 |
| Nurse. | Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir. |
| Rom. | What say'st thou, my dear nurse? |
| Nurse. | Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say, Two may keep counsel, putting one away? |
| Rom. | I warrant thee my man's as true as steel.215 |
| Nurse. | Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady —Lord, Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing—O, there's a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lieve see a toad, a very220 toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a225 letter? |
| Rom. | Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R. |
| Nurse. | Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for the— No; I know it begins with some ​other letter—and she hath the prettiest230 sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it. |
| Rom. | Commend me to thy lady.[Exit Romeo. |
| Nurse. | Ay, a thousand times. Peter! |
| Peter. | Anon?235 |
| Nurse. | Before, and apace.[Exeunt. |
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Critical notes
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Explanatory notes
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