# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3815/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
Even war has its humours, "In the midst of perfect peace the enemy surprises us," is a sentence from a proclamation not by the King of the Belgians but by the German Kaiser.
Wilhelm II. is said to be extremely annoyed in his capacity as a British Admiral that he is not being kept fully informed as to the movements of our Fleet.
The danger, of course, of a fondness for a place in the sun is that one may get burnt.
The coming generation would certainly seem to be all right, Even children are taking part in the fray. The Boy Scouts are helping manfully here, and at Liége the Germans, we are told, used nippers for cutting wire entanglements.
A vivid idea of the horrors of the return journey from the Continent to England after the declaration of war may be gained from the fact that a lady, in recounting her experiences in a contemporary, states that she was thankful to get back to Battersea.
General Villa, it is stated, has now virtually proclaimed his independence of General Carranza, and hostilities are said to be imminent. We caution these gentlemen, however, that we are not prepared at this juncture to take a great deal of interest in their little war, and, if they take our advice, they will postpone it,
At the present moment, fortunately, one does not hear much of the sex war, but sex-pride compels us to draw attention to an account in The Liverpool Echo of a recent agricultural show, from which we learn that "in a class for cows, in which there was a score of entries, Mr. S. Sanday won with pedigree dairy bulls."
The news that a large number of yachts had been placed at the disposal of the Admiralty was, no doubt, responsible for a statement in The Birkenhead News of the 8th inst., to the effect that the Hoylake Town Band, consisting of Bavarians, in a moment of patriotic fervour during the crisis struck up "Der Yacht am Rhein."
Overheard in the heather of a grouse moor:—"What ho! The Moratorium."
In feline circles it is being pointed out with some pride that not only are there Dogs of Wars but that Active Service Kits are being advertised very freely.
"We, as a party," says Mr. Keir Hardie in The Labour Leader, "surely have a right to make a special protest against this altogether useless and unnecessary conflict." The Kaiser's address, Keir, is Potsdam, Berlin (Germany).
We rejoice to hear that the thousand fresh herrings which a certain cosmopolitan financier purchased at the outbreak of the war to store up have one and all gone bad.
Paris now has a "Rue de Liége." And, in order to obviate any feeling of jealousy, a certain virulent microbe which has just been discovered by a Belgian scientist is, we hear, to be called the "Wilhelm Germ."
We trust that the Dutch are taking every precaution to protect the Palace of Peace at the Hague.
Brick-box, the Irish Guards’ pet terrier, has been sent for the present to a dogs’ home. In the event of their going abroad the Irish Guards hope to bring back with them a certain other dog who seems to have gone mad.
The British Isles have been defeated at Lawn Tennis, but we really shan't mind so long as we win the war.
"On shop after shop in Paris," says The Evening News, "is the notice, 'Maison fermé à cante du de départ du patron et les employés sous les drapeaux Français." Sorry, Evening News, but we cannot believe your statement in its entirety. We are afraid you did not get it confirmed by the Official Press Bureau.
According to the St. Petersburg Gazette the Germans have arrested the Grand Duke Constantine Constantinovitch at Badwildungen. The Russian Government admits that the Grand Duke has published several volumes of verse.
According to a statement in The Globe "the German liner, Belgia, having run short of coal, put in at Newport (Mon.) to-day, and was seized as a prize. She has over £250,000 worth of food on board, including 400 tons of cheese, 73 German reservists, and also a large amount of specie." The last two items must, of course, be regarded as emergency rations.
An unfortunate misprint:—
   "WAR NEWS IN A FEW LIES."