# The Book of Betty Barber/Chapter 11

CHAPTER IX
FATHER WILLIAM’S STORY
“Go cautiously, surround him, don’t let him get away,” said Minora.
But, instead of trying to get away. Father William walked to meet them, and seemed pleased to see them. He nodded to Minora quite amiably.
“Better, I hope,” he said, “sorry I couldn’t oblige you, but I was in a hurry, you know—important business.”
Then he turned to Lucy, “Ah, they told me you had mysteriously disappeared, and I guessed you had managed to get out of Nonsense Land, so I thought I would look you up, and we could go back to Rhyme Land together. But I’m afraid I interrupt. Who are these two young gentlemen?”
Thirteen-fourteenths had been trying to keep quiet, but he could not hold his tongue a minute longer.
“The book!” he shouted; he was too excited to speak. “The book, where is the book?”
“Oh, it’s all right,” said Father William, “keep calm, my young friend, the great thing is to keep calm. In my youth———”
Lucy came to the rescue.
“Dear Father William,” she said, “you don’t know how very badly we all want to get that book.”
“It seems quite a popular work,” said Father William.
“It has done so much harm,” said Lucy. “Dear Father William, did you get it for me?”
​“Now, I’ll tell you all about it,” said Father William, “let us find a comfortable place.”
“Please first say if you got it,” said Thirteen-fourteenths.
“I got it,” said the old gentleman, smiling cheerfully, “it’s all right, and I can assure you it is a most interesting adventure. In my youth———”
“Let us all go and sit under the tree, where we first found the book,” said Lucy. “Then Father William can tell us his story.”
“And I will tell you mine,” said Minora.
“And I, mine,” said Half-term.
“And then, as a grand ending to all the stories,” whispered the Fraction to Lucy, as they walked down the road to the tree, “we will tear that book into ninety thousand bits, and scatter them to the four winds of heaven.”
“We will,” said Lucy, “but be patient. Listen to his story, and don’t interrupt him unless he begins about his youth, and then all change the subject as quickly as ever you can.”
“He seems quite an amiable old gentleman now,” said Minora wonderingly, “but it only shows that you never know.”
“Father William,” said Lucy, as she sat down beneath the tree, and Half-term climbed on a low branch to swing his legs, “this young man is a great friend of mine. Thirteen-fourteenths is his name. He comes from Sum Land.”
“Sum Land!” said Father William, “I know all about Sum Land, it comes into my story. And who is your other friend?”
“Half-term,” said Lucy, “Mr. Half-term Holiday.”
“The young lady I know. We have met before,’ said Father William. “She wanted the book.”
“Now tell us your adventures,” said Half-term.
“I asked you to fetch the book, because I thought it would be sure not to do any more harm in Nonsense Land,” said Lucy. “Now go on, what happened to you?”
“I came to this tree,” said Father William, “and found a book quite easily, so easily that I thought I must have made a mistake, ​and that it could not be the right book. I looked inside, and there I saw sums, sums, sums, all marked with a big W.”
“And you took them to Sum Land to be put right. Go on,” said Thirteen-fourteenths.
Father William looked at him quite solemnly; then he stared at Minora.
“In my youth———” he began.
“Dear Father William,” said Lucy quickly, “you left the book in Sum Land.”
“Ah, yes,” said Father William, “and I was on my way back to the tree to look for another book, when I met a most friendly, obliging Owl, quite an old Owl, and we had a most pleasant conversation about our youth.”
Lucy began coughing very loudly.
“I gave her some of my ointment,” said Father William, quickly feeling in his pockets, “some of this—Dear me, dear me, I seem to have lost all my boxes.”
Thirteen-fourteenths took two boxes out of his pocket and gave them to the old gentleman, who smiled graciously.
“Thank you,” he said. ‘I told the Owl about your troubles, Lucy dear, and she advised me to go and fetch the book from Sum Land. She said she knew that it was the book you wanted, and she thought it would be a good plan to leave the book in Nonsense Land.”
“So you fetched it,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, interrupting again in spite of Lucy’s frowns, “only you left the covers behind.”
“And at the cross-roads I met you,” said Minora, “and tried to take it away from you.”
“And please give me the book this minute,” said Thirteen-fourteenths.
“No, please give it to me,” said Minora, “I promised to take it to Queen Harmony.”
“You shall take it nowhere,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “I mean to tear it into ninety thousand bits this very minute.”
“I must have it,” said Minora. “Queen Harmony is angry
“I MET A MOST FRIENDLY, OBLIGING OWL.”
​with me, and if I take her the book” and she knelt down in front of Father William. “You will give it to me,” she said, “won’t you?”
“No, give it to me,” shouted the Fraction, and he threw himself in front of Father William.
And all the time Father William was gazing into the air quite calmly, taking no notice of either of them, and Lucy was almost crying, trying to get in a word to keep the other two quiet.
“It seems to me,” said Half-term, “that we must get the book before we can decide what is to be done with it.”
“Dear Father William,” said Lucy.
“In my youth———” said Father William.
Minora and the Fraction jumped up angrily.
“We shall have to take it by force,” said Minora.
“Wait one minute,” said Lucy, “let me try once more. Dear Father William,” she said, and she stood beside him and laid her hand on his shoulder. “Dear Father William, will you give me the book you so kindly fetched for me?”
Father William looked up at her, and smiled a beautiful smile.
“Dear Lucy,” he said, “you asked me to fetch the book when you were in Nonsense Land; I did so, but could not find you there. They said you had disappeared. So, as Mrs. Owl advised, I left the book in Nonsense Land, at the Grand Panjandrum’s Court.”
“In Nonsense Land!” shouted Minora and Half-term.
But Thirteen-fourteenths threw himself on the ground, buried his face in his hands, and groaned aloud.
Lucy alone did not show how disappointed, how grieved, she was.
“Dear Father William,” she said, “will you fetch it for me? I will wait here, under this tree.”
“Certainly,” said Father William, very politely, and he jumped up from the ground.
“And will you be as quick as you can?” said Lucy. “Then we will go back together to Rhyme Land.”
​“With pleasure,” said Father William, and he bounded away through the wood, and disappeared out of sight in a few moments.
For quite two whole minutes not a word was spoken. Lucy sat down on the ground, and leaned against the tree, thinking. Half-term jumped down and sat beside her; then, at last, he broke the silence.
“Look here,” he said, “you chaps, cheer up. It will be all right. I will tell you one piece of good news: Paint Land is all right again, or soon will be.”
“Is it?” said Thirteen-fourteenths, raising his head.
“Indeed it is, and if you turn your head you will see the proof,” said Half-term.
“How do, everybody?” called a cheerful voice. And Miss Crimson Lake, looking as fresh as the freshest pink pink, and even pinker, came tripping down the path.
“Isn’t it grand?” she cried. “We are all happy again. Oh, there you are, you dear old Half-term. Well, did Father Christmas get home safely? What a charming old man he is, quite charming.”
“Was that Father Christmas who drove past us in the red cloak in the sleigh?” asked Minora.
“Of course it was,” said Half-term. ‘He had Santa Claus with him. We had been to Paint Land with fresh supplies.”
“Such piles of paint-boxes,” cried Miss Crimson Lake. “Such stacks of paint-brushes!”
“Yes, they did the thing pretty thoroughly whilst they were about it,” said Half-term.
“Well, well,” said Minora, “then things are not so bad, after all; and if I tell Queen Harmony that the book is in Nonsense Land———”
“What book?” said Miss Crimson Lake. “Not the Book of Betty Barber? Why, what a capital place for it to be in!”
Thirteen-fourteenths shook his head.
“It is all very well,” he said, “I am glad you are better, Miss Crimson Lake, I am glad Lucy is out of Nonsense Land; but I ​can never rest until the book is torn into ninety thousand pieces, and scattered to the four winds of heaven.”
“Father William will fetch it,” said Lucy.
“He’ll never come back,” said Minora. “Why, oh why, didn’t you go with him?”
“Because he hates to be interrupted,” said Lucy solemnly. “I asked you not to interrupt; but never mind, it doesn’t matter now,” she added quickly, for Minora looked quite grieved and hurt, as if she were going to cry. “Tell us what our dear Major C is doing? Where is he?”
“He’s all right,” said Minora, “he’s at home. He says he will stay at home, too. You see, Queen Harmony was rather annoyed about all the disturbance. She told Major C and me we ought to keep to our own staircase and mind our own business. She told Father Time if he couldn’t keep better order she’d have to beat him. Indeed, she scolded us all round, and said she’d make all the Scales chromatic, if they didn’t keep their Sharps and Flats in order,” and Minora shuddered. ‘Then she sent me to fetch the book of Betty Barber, to bring it to her.”
“What was she going to do with it?” asked Lucy.
“I don’t know, I’m sure,” said Minora, “but I thought perhaps she would be less angry if I took it to her.”
Thirteen-fourteenths dived to the bottom of his pockets, and pulled out the sheet of the book which Minora had taken from Father William. He looked at it carefully.
“Look, Minora,” he said, “the piece about Major C is on this very sheet, funnily enough. Take that to Queen Harmony—that is the part of the book she will be interested in—and ask her to destroy it. If we can only get it, we will destroy the rest.”
Minora took the sheet and looked at it, and Half-term peeped over her shoulder.
“Yes, that’s it,” he said, “The very piece—‘I think C Major is very dull! I shall let my children play C major sometimes with sharps and flats, and sometimes without.’”
“Queen Harmony is quite certain to tear that into little pieces,” ​said Minora, “she won’t approve of that, will she? However, I’ll take care of it, and take it to her. Thank you, Thirteen-fourteenths. I never looked which page of the book I had snatched from Father William.”
“There’s someone coming through the wood,” said Half-term. “If it is Father William, he has not wasted much time.”
“There are several someones,” said Minora, whose ears were very quick.
“I do hope Father William hasn’t brought any of those Nonsense people with him,” said Thirteen-fourteenths.
“Hush! Listen!” said Minora. “Five pairs of feet.”
“I can see black and white,” said Miss Crimson Lake.
“There’s Ellessdee,” cried Thirteen-fourteenths. And Ellessdee, followed by four black and white figures, came running along the path.
“There he is,” shouted Ellessdee, and they all made a rush at the Fraction, gathered round him, and all began talking, or rather gasping, for they were very much out of breath.
“They told us where it was,” gasped Ellessdee.
“So we’ve come to find it,” said Sois.
“Up a tree, you know,” said Tare.
“Up a tree,” shouted Repeater.
“Not this tree, you know, but another one,” said Tret.
“It isn’t up a tree at all,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “it is in Nonsense Land, and Father William has gone to fetch it.”
“That’s rubbish,”’ said Ellessdee.
“Nonsense!” shouted Tare.
“It’s up a tree,” said Tret.
“Up a tree,” called Repeater.
“They told us so,” explained Sois.
“If you would be quiet one minute, we could talk to you,” said Lucy.
“We can’t be quiet,” said Ellessdee, “we want to find it for him so badly, and we thought he would be pleased.”
“He made enough fuss when he lost it,” said Sois.
​“Fuss, fuss, fuss,” cried Repeater.
“Don’t you want to be a whole number again, Thirteen-fourteenths?”
“Of course I do,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “but who do you talk about that just now?”
“Then find it, find it,” said Ellessdee.
“Up a tree, up a tree, fastened to the top. Come on!” shouted Tare.
And the five figures turned away from the Fraction, and ran one to one tree, one to another, and began to climb hard.
“What can be the matter with them?” said Half-term, as the others watched them in silence.
Up one tree after another swarmed the figures, calling to one another as they climbed.
“They are not looking for the book,” said Lucy at last.
“Then what are they looking for?” said Half-term.
“I expect they are really trying to find the book,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “though they may not be looking for it. I found the first box when I was looking for the piece of my———” And then Thirteen-fourteenths stopped suddenly, and running to the foot of a tree which Ellessdee had begun to climb seized hold of a black leg and held it fast.
“Are you looking for the piece of my jacket, Ellessdee?” he asked eagerly.
“Of course, of course, let me go,” said Ellesdee, beginning to kick. “They said it was up a tree. Why don’t you look for it yourself?” And, having managed to free his leg from the Fraction’s grasp, he began to climb the tree faster than ever.
“Who told you it was up a tree?” called Thirteen-fourteenths; but Ellessdee was far too busy to answer.
“They are looking for the lost piece of my jacket,” said the Fraction to Lucy; “isn’t it kind of them!”
“Can’t we help?” said Half-term, who was aching for something to do.
“What is it like?” asked Miss Crimson Lake. ​ “It is white,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “white like my jacket, and somebody has told the figures that it is up a tree.”
“Then I’m off,” said Half-term, running to a tree and beginning to climb.
“I may as well help,” said Minora, “but I don’t think we shall find it.”
“We’ll try,” said Miss Crimson Lake.
“I can’t go. I must wait for Father William,” said Thirteen-fourteenths, “but, oh, I do hope some of you will find it. If only I could find it, if only I could take it back to Sum Land. What is the matter, Lucy?”
For Lucy, who had been sitting quite still, suddenly began jumping up and down, and clapping her hands.
“Of course, of course,” she said, “it is up a tree. I saw it when I was in Nonsense Land. I saw a white thing waving from the top of a tree, and I thought it was you or Half-term signalling to me; but, of course, it was the wind blowing the piece of your jacket. Come on, come on!”
And Lucy ran after the others to climb, climb.
“But how about Father William?” called out Thirteen-fourteenths after her, as she was going.
“You wait for him,” said Lucy. “Call me when you see him.” And she disappeared out of sight.
“He’s coming now, I believe,” said Thirteen-fourteenths to himself, “somebody is coming. Hullo! it’s those holiday fairies. I’ll let them pass by.” And the Fraction swung himself into the branches of the tree so energetically that he nearly tumbled down the hollow trunk, as Half-term had done before.