# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3830/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
The Kaiser, we hear, has had much pleasure in not bestowing the Iron Cross on Herr Maximilien Harden, the editor of Zukunft, who, in a recent article, suggested that the Germans should give up the pretence that they did not begin the War.
Mr. Cecil Chisholm, in his biography of our Commander-in-Chief, draws attention to the fact that both Sir John French and General Joffre are square men. This, no doubt, accounts for the difficulty the enemy has in getting round them.
The author also mentions that the subject of his biography is known as "Lucky French," though few persons understand the full appropriateness of the epithet. It was Sir John Luck who first gave him a chance of distinguishing himself.
"Before Christmas," says a German journal, "Londoners will have become familiar with the spectacle of seeing their public buildings guarded by German blue-jackets." This, of course, must refer to the interior of our prisons.
We hear that as a result of the raid by British airmen on the Zeppelin base at Friedrichshaven, the place has now been placarded with notices announcing that foreign aeroplanes are verboten there.
It is announced that the proposal at Lewisham to change the name of Berlin Road has been rejected by the residents. This is unfortunate, as the only effect can be to put fresh heart into the Germans.
The Russians having objected to being called a steam roller, the London and North Western Railway have tactfully taken their fast engine "Teutonic" and re-christened her "The Tsar."
The Russians succeeded, a few days ago, in catching the Goeben napping. Apparently the motto of the Turkisch Navy is "Let lying dogs sleep."
A writer in The Daily Chronicle suggests that cats, with their marvellous homing instincts, might be used for the carriage of messages in the same way as pigeons. Not quite in the same way, perhaps; though cases of flying cats have occurred. We know one, for instance, that flew at a dog only the other day.
"Eye-Witness" has remarked that the Germans in France are now equipped with a gun which is quite silent. As a result of this statement a number of men who had hitherto held back as being subject to headaches are now rushing to enlist.
The advertisement of a new rifle gallery in Dublin runs as follows:—"Learn to shoot at the Dublin Rifle School. The object is to teach every man to shoot irrespective of political views." The old order changeth. Formerly, no doubt, the rifles were sighted in one way for Unionists and in another for Nationalists.
The watchmaking industry in Chaux-de-Fonds, Switzerland, has, it is stated, already suffered a loss of £700,000 since the outbreak of the war. This is attributed entirely to the competition of the Watch on the Rhine.
With reference again to the Silent Guns which the Germans claim to have invented, it is only fair to point out that, before they were heard of, English artillery-men had silenced many of the noisy ones.
   "FREE PASSES AND OVER-CROWNING."
   Evening Standard.
There was some excuse for this misprint, for the offence complained of took place at the Coronation Picture Palace.
Caution.—The members of the Old Boys Corps simply hate being called "Old B.C.s"
Plucky little Wales again! Russia may have her Przemysl, but it transpired in certain police-court proceedings last week that Glamorgan has her Ynysybwl. We would suggest that the competition should now stop.