# Heaven Revealed/Chapter 22

XXII.
SEX AND MARRIAGE IN HEAVEN.
AMONG all of Swedenborg's voluminous works, there is not one which proves more conclusively his Divine illumination, than his treatise on Conjugial Love. Had any man written that book without having his mind opened to the light of heaven in an unusual degree, it would have been the miracle of miracles. In no other work ever published can there be found such exalted wisdom touching the character and relation of the sexes. In no other has the subject of marriage been discussed so profoundly, or its true nature and origin been unfolded so clearly, or so just and elevated views of it been presented—views calculated to produce such a deep conviction of the sacredness of this relation. We cannot conceive how a tolerably fair mind can read this work understandingly, without being made purer, wiser and better by it; nay, without being convinced that the truths here unfolded are such as no human mind could ever have reached by its own unaided efforts.
Hitherto the proper relation of the sexes has been but imperfectly understood; and even professing Christians ​have entertained extremely low, not to say false, ideas of the whole subject of marriage. They have generally looked upon it as a union of bodies rather than of souls; and regarded it, therefore, as a relation belonging exclusively to the natural world—rejecting, and sometimes scouting, the idea of anything like marriage in the great Hereafter. The moment a spiritual idea is admitted into the thought respecting marriage, and anything like a union of souls is conceded to be possible, that moment it is seen that the marriage relation must exist in the world beyond, or wherever souls exist.
On account of the low and merely natural view of marriage which has been generally held and taught, people have entered into this relation from low and earthly motives; and innumerable evils have been the result. And before the evils resulting from a low and false view of marriage can be avoided, people must obtain a higher and truer view of it. The men and women of Christendom need to have their ideas on this subject elevated and spiritualized. They need to have the institution lifted up from the earth, to be shown the spiritual nature of the marriage relation, the spiritual uses it was meant to subserve, and the spiritual considerations from which it should be entered into, if they would realize the blessings it was meant to confer. There is no deeper need of Christendom to-day, however little it may generally be felt. And it was to satisfy this need, that the Lord has revealed through Swedenborg the heavenly doctrine concerning marriage, or the view which the angels take of this relation. And as the love from which marriages in heaven spring, is the foundation or ​parent of all other heavenly loves, so the nearer marriages on earth approach in their nature to those in heaven, the more of heaven will there be in the hearts of men;—the more fully will the Lord's kingdom come and his will be done on earth as it is done in the heavens.
But are there really marriages in heaven? We will first hear Swedenborg's answer to this question, and then subject it to a careful examination in the light of reason and known facts; and finally, will explain the passage of Scripture which is commonly supposed to teach a different doctrine on the subject.
"Heaven is from the human race; therefore the angels of heaven are of both sexes. And because it was ordained from creation that the woman should be for the man and the man for the woman, and thus that each should be the other's, and because this love is innate in both, it follows that there are marriages in heaven as well as on earth. But marriages in heaven are very different from those on earth.
"Marriage in heaven is the uniting of two into one mind. The mind consists of two parts, one of which is called the understanding, the other the will. When these two parts act in unity, they are then called one mind. In heaven the husband acts that part which ts called the understanding, and the wife that which is called the will. When this union which is of the interiors, descends into the inferiors which are of the body, it is perceived and felt as love. This love is conjugial love.
​The fundamental question to be first considered, is, whether the distinction of sex is preserved in the other world. Does a man remain a man and a woman remain a woman in the Hereafter? Or do they exchange genders, or all become of the neuter gender? The verdict of enlightened reason on this, as on other subjects, is clearly in agreement with Swedenborg's teaching. To suppose people to be of a different gender in the other world from what they were in this, were preposterous in the extreme. The preservation of one's sex is essential to the maintenance of his identity. If it were possible to change one's sex, the moment the change was effected he would cease to be the same person.
It is man's soul or spirit that is immortal. This, as we have repeatedly said, is the real man. And when the spirit leaves the body, it remains unchanged. It takes with it all its God-given instincts—all its innate affections, tendencies, wants and appetencies. The difference between man and woman in their physical structure, is apparent to all. The latter is usually smaller, weaker, of more delicate features, softer skin, and fairer complexion than the former. They differ, too, in their manners, gestures and tones of voice. Yet even as to their bodies it is plain they were made for each other,—that they belong together, and are parts of one and the same whole. So that, physically regarded, neither is complete without the other, because incapable of fulfilling all the ends of his earthly existence. The Creator's design is plainly written upon their physical organism, which is, that each is for the other—each but a part of a perfect whole.
​But the body is only the manifested form of the soul or spirit within it. It therefore corresponds to the soul in every particular, being perfectly adapted to all its wants and capabilities. It thence follows that there must be a difference between the souls of the two sexes corresponding precisely to that between their bodies. For the logical inference from the great doctrine of correspondence is, that the masculine body must correspond to the masculine soul and the feminine body to the feminine soul.
And as a matter of fact, we find it is so. No truth is more obvious than this: that there exists an innate difference in the mental constitution of the sexes, just as wide and as strongly marked as that observable in their physical organism. Their souls differ precisely as do their bodies. For although we sometimes meet with manish women and womanish men, they are the exceptions and not the rule. We find them mentally no oftener than physically so. In general the feminine soul differs from the masculine, as woman's body differs from man's. But one is not superior to the other; only they are different. There would be as little propriety in speaking of the mental superiority of man to woman or of woman to man, as there would be in speaking of the physical superiority of the heart to the lungs or the lungs to the heart. The truth is they belong together, and are adapted to each other in their whole constitution, mental and physical. One is the complement of the other. When "they twain are one flesh," the man is complete—a whole man. Hence we read in Genesis that God created man in his own image; "male and ​female created He them, and blessed them, and called their name Adam," that is, man—for this is what Adam in the Hebrew means. Accordingly Swedenborg says, that "in heaven two married partners are not called two but one angel." —H. H. n. 367.
Spiritually viewed, then, man and woman differ as do the will and understanding, or the heart and lungs, and are similarly adapted each to the other. The masculine soul is preëminently intellectual, and the feminine preeminently emotional. Or in other words, man is born into the affection of knowing, understanding and being wise; and woman into the love of man's wisdom, not in herself but in the man, and consequently into the love of conjoining herself with the intellect or wisdom of the man. Accordingly Swedenborg says:
And precisely this difference in their mental constitution, is indicated by the physical structure or form of man and woman respectively. For the masculine form—being coarser, stronger, and more angular—is a form of the intellect; and the feminine form—bcing fairer, more delicate and beautiful—is a form of affection. Not that man is wholly destitute of affection, and woman of intellect; but viewed in relation to each other, their minds are thus characterized—man being preëminently intellectual, and woman preëminently emotional or affectional. Love is the native element of woman's soul, as truth is that of man's. And so the sexes stand re​lated like love and wisdom, will and understanding, or heart and lungs. And their mental difference is not the result of education or circumstances. It is inborn. It exists from their very creation. It belongs to their soul's constitution, and must therefore continue while the soul endures.
Now, the sexes being thus constituted, mutually desire conjunction with each other. The masculine soul instinctively yearns for union with some feminine soul, and the feminine for union with some masculine. And until this union is attained, each is conscious of an unsatisfied want; each has a sense of incompleteness—feels a lack of wholeness to his being. And the reason is, that the Creator has so constituted the human soul that no single one is complete or whole in itself, but only in union with another.
And because of this inborn constitution of the sexes, and because every soul takes with it into the other world all its innate characteristics, wants and appetencies, therefore man and woman must mutually desire to be joined in marriage in the great Hereafter, and marriages must exist in heaven. For the angels being of both sexes, and endowed with an ardent longing for union with each other, would be unhappy if such union were denied them. And as the conjunctive tendency was implanted in the sexes by God himself, it would be most unreasonable to suppose that its gratification would be denied in that highest state to which human beings are made capable of attaining—that is, in heaven.
Besides, the masculine and feminine soul being com​plements of each other, belong together from creation. Neither is complete by itself alone, but only in marriage union with its other half; just as neither lungs nor heart can perform its appropriate function except in organic union with the other. Marriages in heaven are, therefore, necessary to the completeness of the angels. No single angel would be a whole angel, without union with some other that is the complement of himself. And as everything in heaven is more perfect than on earth—the states of the angels, also, more innocent, pure and exalted than those of men—therefore we should expect the conjugial principle would exist there in greater strength and purity than on earth, and the marriage relation be found in its highest perfection. The heavenly life being the highest life, where but in heaven should we look for the best illustration of the truly conjugial affection and relation? Where else should we expect to find marriages so blissful or so perfect?
We have said that man and woman, like the lungs and heart, belong together as parts of one and the same whole. But as no two hearts and no two lungs are ever precisely alike, so no two hearts can ever be exactly suited to one and the same pair of lungs. It follows, therefore, that only one man and one woman can, from creation, be perfectly adapted to each other as parts of one and the same whole. Hence "the Lord provides that conjugial pairs shall be born." (C. L. 229.) Hence a true marriage—such a union of souls as exists in heaven—can take place only between two individuals who were created for each other. ​That there are marriages in heaven may further appear, if we consider the highest use of marriage here on earth. Its first use, like the first use of houses, garments and all material things, is natural and temporal. But its principal and highest use ts spiritual and eternal. This is obvious from the fact, that the most unhappy marriages are those where there is the least spiritual affinity between the parties—the least approach to a union of souls; and where the deepest want of the spirit in this relation, therefore, is not met. Outward circumstances may be of regal splendor; honor, wealth and station may crown the wedded pair; but if there be no internal and spiritual union, the bonds of external marriage will be felt as a heavy burden grievous to be borne—all the heavier and more grievous, perhaps, for the splendor of the outward life. Neither of the parties knowing aught of the sweet peace and comfort of love, they will feel no support from, and no joy or delight in, each other. On the contrary, they will both feel an unsatisfied want, a corroding canker, a gnawing worm, a wasting consumption at the heart; and nothing but a firm faith and well-grounded religious principle, will prevent them from fretting life away in anxious longing for a more congenial mate.
So deeply and so obviously is man's immortal part involved in this sacred relation! So much does the soul demand for itself in the marriage relation even on earth! And so greatly does it suffer, too, when defrauded of its just demands! And so egregiously do those parents err, and such a fearful weight of responsibility do they assume, who undertake to decide for their sons and ​daughters what sort of conjugal alliances they shall form! And what a terrible mistake do the parties themselves commit, who, when about to enter into this relation, make mere external and worldly considerations rather than the deep and enduring wants of the soul, the basis of their choice!
Clearly, then, do marriages here on earth, be they fortunate or unfortunate, prove that the soul is deeply involved in this relation;—that it has a want herein which nothing else but union with some kindred soul can fully satisfy. And because it is a soul's want, it must endure so long as the soul endures; and in heaven, therefore, it cannot fail of its full gratification.
Observe, further, the spiritual uses of marriage on earth, in the connate character and obvious mental needs of the two sexes. Man is preeminently a form of the intellect, and in mind as well as body, is comparatively coarse, harsh, severe and angular. Alone, or disjoined from woman, he its like faith separate from charity, or truth apart from good, which Swedenborg says is represented in the spiritual world as something strong, powerful, hard and irresistible, at the sight of which good spirits are terrified. He, therefore, needs the softening, refining, mellowing influence of woman's gentler heart, precisely as truth or faith needs the softening and sweetening influence of charity. And woman being preeminently a form of affection, is comparatively weak, tender and delicate in mind as well as in body. Alone, or apart from man, she is like charity separate from faith, or like love without wisdom. She, therefore, needs the strengthening, supporting, guiding influence of man's ​intellect. Man's intellect alone is cold—like the clear cold light of winter; it needs the warmth of woman's love to quicken in him the seeds of thought. And woman's heart alone is warm—like the warmth of a darkened chamber; it needs the light of man's intellect to enable it to impart health, strength and verdure.
And thus the soul of each is perfected by union with the other. Man's head is warmed by woman's heart—his harsh, stern features rounded and made beautiful by woman's love. And woman's heart is enlightened by man's head—her tender and delicate soul supported and made strong by the strength of man's intellect. Thus the two whom God has joined together—whose souls He has so constituted that they are "no more twain but one flesh"—are made all the more perfect, more human, more truly and completely one, by the union we call marriage. "Male and female created He them, and called their name Adam."
Now if—as the old theologies have taught—there are no marriages in heaven, either the angels must be less perfect than they would be with marriages, or the distinguishing mental characteristics of the sexes must be so entirely changed there, that each will be whole by himself alone, and will have no need of conjunction with the other.
And how clearly and impressively are the spiritual uses of marriage sometimes revealed here on earth!—A fond and devoted wife sees the partner of her bosom pursuing a downward and criminal course—plunging deeper and deeper into vice and infamy—gradually blinding his intellect, benumbing his moral sense, de​stroying his manhood. And see how that wife pursues her erring husband! How she clings to him as a part, and the stronger part, of herself! How she pleads with him on bended knees, with tearful eyes, in angel tones—only as love can plead! And how, also, she pleads with God and heaven in his behalf! How she waits and watches and prays—how she bears and suffers and forgives until seventy times seven, only as love can bear and suffer and forgive! And see, too, what triumphs she sometimes achieves!—the salvation of a wrecked and sinking soul!
Can this deep, mighty love which God has placed in woman's heart, which can work such miracles of healing here below, which has such power on earth to soften, subdue and bless; and which, from its very nature, so yearns for an intellect to cling to and guide it—can such love perish when the body dies? Will there be no sphere for its activity, no use and no reciprocation of it, in heaven? Then woman as woman cannot live in heaven. And if woman lives not there, what man having within him the soul of a man, would not say that heaven would be no heaven to him.
Again: the eternity of conjugial love, and the consequent existence of marriages in heaven, may be reasonably inferred from the fact that consorts who have lived together happily on earth, internally desire that this relation may be continued in the world beyond. And it is not the vicious and degraded in whom this desire is strongest. These know nothing of the pure delights of marriage; they have little or no respect for its sacred obligations here, and, of course, think and care but little ​about the relation hereafter. But they who have the intensest desire for the eternity of the conjugial tie, and the firmest belief that marriages do exist in heaven, are usually those whose state of life is nearest that of the angels—the wisest, purest, humblest, best—those who have experienced most of the exalted and spiritual delights of marriage here on earth. Yes: it is the most heavenly-minded consorts who most ardently long for the eternity of marriage, and who are least willing to admit that it exists not beyond the grave. It is painful to them to think of the utter cessation of the conjagal relation at death; for they feel that heaven without marriage would be no heaven to them.
Now, whose faith and perceptions on a subject of this nature are most trustworthy? Those of the vicious and profligate, or those of the pure and good? So sure—rely upon it—so sure as there is a God who heareth and answereth prayer, the deep though unuttered prayer of his children on this subject—a prayer up springing from a heart-felt want which his own boundless love has implanted—will not be all unheeded. And if their prayer is heard and heeded, there surely must be marriages in heaven.
Once more: Who are those that love the bonds of marriage most intensely? Who contemplate wedded life with the highest delight, and find in it the purest and most abundant joy? Not the carnal-minded and vicious, but the most spiritual and richteous—those whose walk with God is closest and humblest, and who discharge with the greatest fidelity all their daily duties. Consorts whose character is nearest like that of the angels—provided there be some internal fitness of each to each—experience a pure and heavenly delight in marriage which the vicious can never know. Therefore they love it best And the farther they advance in the regenerate life, the more faithfully they do the Heavenly Father's will, the nearer they approach to that innocent, pure and loving state in which the angels are, the more closely do their hearts become wedded to each other, ​and the higher and purer delight do they find in marriage. If this be so—and we know it is—the conclusion is irresistible that there must be marriages in heaven; and not only so, but that this relation must exist there in its greatest perfection, and the delights thence resulting be the sweetest and most abundant. And we should also infer that the farther the angels advance in the divine life, the more perfectly would the souls of consorts there be united, and the fuller and more perfect be their blessedness. Accordingly Swedenborg says:
In conclusion:—We have thus far examined Swedenborg's revelation on this subject, in the light of reason and known facts. Here, as on other subjects, he has ​spoken quite contrary to the current creed of Christendom, it is true; but it is equally true that he has spoken quite in accordance with the dictates of our highest reason and the teachings of a sound mental philosophy.
We see that marriages in heaven result necessarily from the nature, constitution and wants of the soul, and from the obvious fact that each one preserves his own identity in the Hereafter, and takes with him into the other world all that appertains to his immortal part—all his dominant thoughts, inclinations, dispositions and feelings. For marriage is a necessity of our human nature in its highest and most perfect state. It is one of the deepest wants both of man and woman—one that is woven, as it were, into the very fibres of our spiritual as well as natural being. Upon the whole constitution with which God has endowed human beings. He has written his great and beneficent design in this particular, as in characters of living light. And we may rest assured that He has nowhere written a word to the contrary; for He never contradicts Himself.
Thus do the great Swede's disclosures on this, as on all other subjects connected with the Hereafter, rest securely on the constitution of our whole nature, physical and spiritual, and are seen to be in perfect agreement with the wants, tendencies, capabilities, and everlasting laws of the human soul. Therefore they must needs agree with the teachings of God's Word; for this, too, is adapted to the wants of our spiritual nature, and contains in its bosom the laws of the human spirit. And because his pneumatology builds itself on such a firm foundation, therefore its truth is undeniable, and must ​endure so long as the human soul endures, and its laws and tendencies remain what they are.
But the Bible, says an objector, teaches that "in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage" (Matt. xxii. 30). How is this language to be understood, and how its its teaching to be reconciled with that of Swedenborg? Our next chapter will be devoted to the consideration of this question.