# Book of Etiquette/Volume 2/Part 4/Chapter 6

CHAPTER VI
HOTEL ETIQUETTE
AT THE HOTEL
There is a very distinct code of ethics by which the lady and gentleman must be governed when stopping at a hotel. It is a mistaken idea that one may act as one pleases, merely because the hotel is public. But it is as important to remember one's social obligations as it is in the home of a friend.
Indeed, the hotel is one place where men and women are most likely to make embarrassing blunders and commit humiliating mistakes. This is especially true of the man or woman from a small town who stops for a day or two at a big hotel in the city. Only by knowing thoroughly the laws of good conduct, as adapted to hotel life, can one expect to move smoothly and with ease through its often puzzling social intricacies.
At home, or even when visiting at a friend's home, a boor may remain undetected. But how quickly the truth appears after he has registered at a hotel! There are numerous little tests of good breeding that betray him; the servants themselves soon discover whether or not he is cultivated, well-bred. And they invariably treat him accordingly.
The definite rules will be given in the following paragraphs. But for one's general conduct it should be re​membered solely that the hospitality of a hotel is no less worthy of courtesy and consideration than the hospitality extended by a friend.
THE WOMAN GUEST
To-day women stop at hotels much more frequently than they did a decade ago. The war brought with it a widened horizon for the women of America, and they travel all over the country on political, professional and business enterprises as well as for pleasure. It is, consequently, necessary for them to stop often at hotels; thus they must know exactly how to conduct themselves.
Some hotels, in smaller towns, have ladies' entrances. The woman visitor should first ascertain whether or not there are such entrances, and if so should govern her actions accordingly. But in large cities, hotels generally have but one large entrance where the woman may enter without embarrassment. Business often takes the modern woman into strange towns, and there is no reason why she should feel the least hesitancy in stopping at a hotel—providing she knows how to conduct herself.
Hand baggage should be relinquished at the door to attendants of the hotel. The woman should make her way immediately to the desk-clerk, register, and then follow the page assigned to her, to her room. It is not good form to loiter in the lobby before going to one's room after one has registered. A wise plan is to call the hotel on the telephone beforehand, requesting them to reserve a room or suite of rooms as the case may be. This will eliminate any possibility of having to leave the hotel because there is no room. It is always a wise plan for a woman to reserve a room in advance, especially if she is ​to arrive late at night since certain hostelries refuse to admit women after a certain hour.
The day of the chaperon is practically over, except in the cases of very young girls. But women to-day travel very often in the company of their maids. Whether one double room or two single rooms adjoining each other are chosen, depends upon the degree of intimacy between mistress and maid, and also upon convenience and accommodation at the hotel. The usual form is to reserve two adjoining rooms.
A woman never stops at a hotel without baggage. Even though she intends to stay only over-night, she should carry a small handbag with her. A woman traveling across country with a great deal of baggage may have her trunks sent on ahead to the hotel if she reserves rooms previously. On no occasion should the woman approach the clerk's desk laden with valises and bags. A hotel attendant should take them from the car and deposit them on the floor near the desk; or the guest's chauffeur should deposit them at the entrance of the hotel, to be attended to by one of the hotel attendants.
RECEIVING MASCULINE GUESTS
A gentleman calling upon a lady who is stopping at a hotel, gives his name to the desk clerk. It is not necessary to offer a card. The form in most common usage is, "Mr. Roberts to see Miss Nelson." The clerk will call Miss Nelson on the telephone or will direct him to one of the telephones in the lobby, and advise her of the visitor. If she is ill and does not wish to see him, she will say, "Please tell Mr. Roberts I am indisposed and I am sorry that I cannot see him to-day." But she should ​not refuse to see a visitor without offering some sort of legitimate excuse. If she is not ready to greet visitors, she may say to the clerk, "Tell Mr. Roberts I shall be downstairs in a half-hour." That is the maximum amount of time it is permissible to keep a visitor waiting.
Ladies receive the gentlemen who call on them in the parlor or reception room of the hotel. They may be hatless and gloveless, if they wish, observing the same rules of etiquette that they would observe in their drawing-room at home. But if the visits are entirely of a business nature, it is always advisable for the woman to wear a hat.
To welcome a man in one's room is to break a convention that has many years of strict practice to uphold it. It is a serious blunder in hotel etiquette.
If a gentleman calls upon a lady at a hotel, whether it be in a business or social capacity, and finds that she is not in, he may leave his card with the desk clerk to be forwarded to her. It is necessary, however, that he write on the back of the card for whom it is intended; for the memories of desk clerks are not quite as retentive as some of us think they are, and there is a possibility of the card being sent to the wrong guest.
MAKING FRIENDS AT THE HOTEL
Hotels have the alarming propensity of making one feel extremely lonely, especially if one is stopping there all by oneself. And there is the very strong temptation to forget all about conventionalities and speak to the friendly-looking old gentleman at the next table, or the charming young woman in the dressing-room. But every​one, and the woman especially, should be extremely careful in making friends and acquaintances at the hotel.
Self-introductions are not unusual at the hotel. In the dining-room, in the lobby, in the rest-rooms, conversations are often started that result in self-introductions and subsequent acquaintanceships. But one should be prudent. It is not wise to go beyond the usual civilities of greetings and casual conversations or to take anyone into your confidence.
While conducting yourself with all due courtesy and consideration for the hospitality extended by the hotel, it is important to remember that after all the hotel is not a private home, but a temporary one for travelers — for the public. The conventions you observe in public must therefore also be observed at the hotel. Strangers still remain strangers, even though you sleep under the same roof with them.
If a gentleman becomes interested in another gentleman, either in the hotel lobby or the dining-room, and he wishes to become acquainted with him either for business or social reasons, he may request the manager of the hotel to make the necessary introduction. He may also indulge in the self-introduction, but it is never as effective as the introduction made by a third person.
HOW TO REGISTER
It is not considered dignified for a woman traveling alone to sign herself in the hotel register without the title of "Mrs." or "Miss." A married woman should register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings," an unmarried woman as "Miss Mildred Jennings." It is decidedly bad form to ​sign oneself "Millie Jennings," or "Flossie Jennings" for Florence. The full first and last name should be written out and preceded by the correct title of "Miss" or "Mrs." Only the eldest daughter, or only daughter, of a family may sign herself, "Miss Jennings."
When traveling together, a mother and daughter register as "Mrs. Harris K. Jennings, Miss Mildred Jennings." Even a very young girl is registered in this manner. A small boy's name appears in the register as "Master Edward Jennings." A husband and wife register as "Mr. and Mrs. Harris K. Jennings." To use the expression "Mr. Harris K. Jennings and wife" is considered very bad form indeed. Only those who are ignorant of the best rules of hotel etiquette make this blunder.
After the name, the town and state from which the visitors have come should be written in the register. Thus the complete entry of a young lady would be, "Miss Mildred Jennings, Cambridge, Mass." A gentleman would register in this manner, "Mr. Harris K. Jennings, 681 Fifth Ave., New York." Even if he lives in New York and stops at a hotel in that city, he must write "New York" after his name. Nor is it correct for him to omit the "Mr." from before his name.
Deep flourishes and illegible handwriting should be avoided. The well-bred man or woman registers neatly in a clear, small, legible script.
IN THE PUBLIC DINING-ROOM
"A gentleman is known by the way he eats," declared a well-known writer recently in one of his newspaper articles. And this is particularly true in the hotel dining-​room, where one is judged—or misjudged—by one's table manners; and one should remember to make them as gracefully correct as if the dinner were a most formal one in a private home.
If you drop a fork or other part of the table service, do not stoop to pick it up. Simply ignore the incident and leave it to the waiter to attend to. A most reprehensible habit is to pick up a knife or fork that has been dropped, wipe it carefully with the napkin, and proceed to use it. The correct thing to do is to leave the fork or knife on the floor where it has fallen and request another one from the waiter in charge.
It is optional with the ladies whether or not they wear their hats to dinner. In the dining-rooms of the larger hotels, however, women generally do not appear hatless. Even though one is a permanent guest and a special table is reserved for one each evening, it is better to wear a hat to dinner at the hotel.
Loud laughing and talking reflect ill-manners. And this applies not only to the dining-room, but to the private rooms as well. As a rule, the partitions in hotels are thin and talking that is the least bit loud can be heard in the next room. For this reason, it is also discourteous to play any musical instrument at such times of the day when it would be likely to disturb those whose rooms adjoin. At the table, conversation may be conducted only when low, natural tones of voice are used. Loud talking should be avoided.
Guests who wish to eat in their rooms should request that a waiter be sent to the room with a menu. The order is given, and the waiter will see that it is satisfactorily filled. For this service he should receive an extra fee from the guest.
HOTEL STATIONERY
Hotels invariably place a supply of writing paper in the room. This is meant for the business or social correspondence of the guest. More of this paper is usually found in the writing-room.
Do not waste the hotel stationery. Use it only if you have to. You would not waste the stationery provided for your use at the home of your friend. Then why take advantage of the courtesies extended by your hotel? Just as one adapts oneself to the routine at the home of a friend, so should one accustom and adapt oneself to the rules and regulations of the hotel.
Never take any of the hotel stationery away with you. It is as wrong in principle as carrying away one of the Turkish towels. Use only as much as you need for your correspondence, and leave the rest behind you.
REGARDING THE SERVANTS
Arrogance is only another form of selfish pride. The man or woman who is cultured is never arrogant. After all, isn't it sham—sham adopted to cover the defects of manner and bearing?
If you are dissatisfied with some service performed by one of the hotel attendants, if one of them is inattentive to your wants or negligible in his duties, complain to the manager. Do not scold the servants themselves, or order them in a peremptory manner to do such and such a thing correctly. The greatest vulgarity—and you will do well to remember this—is to look down upon a person as inferior merely because he or she has to earn his or her ​own living. There is nothing to be ashamed of in good, honest, faithful toil. But the person who ridicules it has a great deal to be ashamed of.
Be considerate to the hotel attendants. Do not expect the maid to come hurrying to your room when you ring at one o'clock in the morning. The guest who is kind and thoughtful will receive twice as much service as the person who is constantly complaining and scolding.
LEAVING THE HOTEL
When you are ready to leave the hotel, call an attendant to carry your baggage down to the entrance. Do not attempt to carry it down yourself, whether you are a man or woman, unless you have only one or two small valises.
Different hotels have different rules with regard to keys. Some require that the key be returned to the desk clerk. Others require that it be left in the room. When in doubt, the best form is to return the key at the desk before asking the cashier for one's bill. After this is paid, ring for a servant to call a car; never do this yourself.
Tipping, though an entirely un-American custom, is still widely practiced. When leaving the hotel, it is necessary to tip, or fee, those hotel attendants who have been of service.