# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3827/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
"In Buenos Aires and other parts of Argentina," The Express tells us, "people are tired of the war, and a brisk trade is being done in the sale of buttons to be worn by the purchaser, inscribed with the words 'No me habla de la guerra' ('Don't talk to me about the war')." The Kaiser, we understand, has now sent for one of these buttons.
The Crown Prince Rupprecht of Bavaria, in an order to his troops last week, referred to the British in the following words:—"Here is the enemy which chiefly blocks the way in the direction of restoration of peace." Conceive a "contemptible little army" being able to do that! It makes one wonder whether the first epithet was perhaps a misprint for "contemptuous."
The Germans are now calling the Allies a Menagerie, though curiously enough it is the others who have a Turkey waddling after them.
According to a report which reaches us the crews of the Goeben and Breslau are wearing a most curious garb, being clothed in Turkish fezes and breaches of neutrality.
   "GERMANS MOWED DOWN
   French Marines' Big Feet."
This is really a most unfortunate misprint, for it is just this kind of carping statement that leads the Germans to say we are falling out with our Allies.
There is much speculation as to whether there is German blackmail behind the announcement that the maximum period of quarantine for imported dogs has been reduced from six months to four.
The only animals left alive in the Antwerp Zoo are reported to be the elephants, which are now being used for military traction purposed. Later on it is proposed by the Germans to drive them into the lines of the Indian troops with a view to making the latter home-sick.
Mr. Algernon Ashton asks in The Evening News, "Why is the Poet Laureate so strangely silent?" Everyone else will remember Mr. Bridges' patriotic lines at the beginning of the War, and we begin to suspect that Mr. Ashton's well-known repugnance to writing for the papers has been extended to the reading of them.
The Daily Mirror, to signalise its eleventh birthday, produced a "Monster Number," yet it contained no portrait of the Kaiser.
Happening to meet a music-hall acquaintance we asked him how he thought the war was going, and he replied, "Oh, I think the managers will have to give in."
America is evidently attempting to attract some of the devotees of winter sports who usually go to Switzerland. Another landslide on the Panama Canal is now announced.
We are sorry to have to bring a charge of lack of gallantry against The Leicester Mail. We refer to the following passage in its description of an ovation given to Driver Osborne, V.C., at Derby on the 31st ult. After describing how, in the course of a great reception given to him by a large crowd at the station, two or three buxom matrons insisted upon embracing him, our contemporary continues: "Driver Osborne has now practically recovered, and reports himself for duty again at the end of the week."
The municipality of Berlin has decided to substitute for the existing designations of some of the principal streets in that city the names of "German generals who have become famous during the present war." This, however, will not involve many alterations.
Orders have been issued by the Federal Council of the German Empire that no bread other than that containing from 5 to 20 per cent. of potato flour will be allowed to be baked. Such bread is to be sold under the name of "K" bread. At first this was taken to be a graceful tribute to Lord Kitchener, but it is now officially stated that "K" stands for the German for potatoes.
The Kölnische Zeitung complains that English prisoners in Germany "are allowed to live the lives of Olympian Gods." Our choleric contemporary is evidently unaware that we are allowing German prisoners to reside in Olympia, which is the next best thing to Olympus.
The British steamer Remuera reported on reaching Plymouth last week that a German cruiser had attempted to trap her by means of a false S.O.S. signal. We ought not, we suppose, to be surprised at a low trick like this from the s.o.s.sidges.
There is one quality that no one can with justice deny to the Germans, and that is thoroughness. The other day, having laid a mine, they seem to have used one of their own cruisers to test its destructive power.
"It is noticeable," says The Daily Mail, that the Kaiser's speeches no longer include references to God, only Frederick the Great." This confirms the rumours of a quarrel.