# Searchlights on Health/Love-Spats

LOVE-SPATS.
Could ever hear by tale or history,  The course of true love never did run smooth.  —SHAKESPEARE.
 "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,  Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."—CONGREVE.
"Thunderstorms clear the atmosphere and promote vegetation; then why not Love-spats promote love, as they certainly often do?"
"They are almost universal, and in the nature of our differences cannot be helped. The more two love, the more they are aggrieved by each other's faults; of which these spats are but the correction."
"Love-spats instead of being universal, they are consequent on imperfect love, and only aggravate, never correct errors. Sexual storms never improve, whereas love obviates faults by praising the opposite virtues. Every view of them, practical and philosophical, condemns them as being to love what poison is to health, both before and after marriage. They are nothing but married discords. Every law of mind and love condemns them. Shun them as you would deadly vipers, and prevent them by forestallment."—O.S. Fowler.
1. THE TRUE FACTS.—Notwithstanding some of the above quotations, to the contrary, trouble and disagreement between lovers embitters both love and life. Contention is always dangerous, and will beget alienation if not final separation.
2. CONFIRMED AFFECTIONS.—Where affections are once thoroughly confirmed, each one should be very careful in taking offense, and avoid all disagreements as far as possible, but if disagreements continually develop with more or less friction and irritation, it is better for the crisis to come and a final separation take place. For peace is better than disunited love.
3. HATE-SPATS.—Hate-spats, though experienced by most lovers, yet, few realize how fatal they are to subsequent affections. Love-spats develop into hate-spats, and their effects upon the affections are blighting and should not under any circumstances be tolerated. Either agree, or agree to disagree. If there cannot be harmony before the ties of marriage are assumed, then there cannot be harmony after. Married life will be continually marred by a series of "hate-spats" that sooner or later will destroy all happiness, unless the couple are reasonably well mated.
4. MORE FATAL THE OFTENER THEY OCCUR.—As O.S. Fowler says: "'The poison of asps is under their lips.' The first spat is like a deep gash cut into a beautiful face, rendering it ghastly, and leaving a fearful scar, which neither time nor cosmetics can ever efface; including that pain so fatal to love, and blotting that sacred love-page with memory's most hideous and imperishable visages. Cannot many now unhappy remember them as the beginning of that alienation which embittered your subsequent affectional cup, spoiled your lives? With what inherent repulsion do you look back upon them? Their memory is horrid, and effect on love most destructive."
5. FATAL CONDITIONS.—What are all lovers' "spats" but disappointment in its very worst form? They necessarily and always produce all its terrible consequences. The finer feelings and sensibilities will soon become destroyed and nothing but hatred will remain.
6. EXTREME SORROW.—After a serious "spat" there generally follows a period of tender sorrow, and a feeling of humiliation and submission. Mutual promises are consequently made that such a condition of things shall never happen again, etc. But be sure and remember, that every subsequent difficulty will require stronger efforts to repair the breach. Let it be understood that these compromises are dangerous, and every new difficulty increases their fatality. Even the strongest will endure but few, nor survive many.
7. DISTRUST AND WANT OF CONFIDENCE.—Most difficulties arise from distrust or lack of confidence or common-sense. When two lovers eye each other like two curs, each watching, lest the other should gain some new advantage, then this shows a lack of common-sense, and the young couple should get sensible or separate.
8. JEALOUSY.—When one of the lovers, once so tender, now all at once so cold and hardened; once so coy and familiar now suddenly so reserved, distant, hard and austere, is always a sure case of jealousy. A jealous person is first talkative, very affectionate, and then all at once changes and becomes cold, reserved and repulsive, apparently without cause. If a person is jealous before marriage, this characteristic will be increased rather than diminished by marriage.
9. CONFESSION.—If you make up by confession, the confessor feels mean and disgraced; or if both confess and forgive, both feel humbled; since forgiveness implies inferiority and pity; from which whatever is manly and womanly shrinks. Still even this is better than continued "spats."
10. PREVENTION.—If you can get along well in your courtship you will invariably make a happy couple if you should unite your destinies in marriage. Learn not to give nor take offence. You must remember that all humanity is imperfect at best. We all have our faults, and must keep them in subordination. Those who truly love each other will have but few difficulties in their courtship or in married life.
11. REMEDIES.—Establishing a perfect love in the beginning constitutes a preventive. Fear that they are not truly loved usually paves the way for "spats." Let all who make any pretension guard against all beginnings of this reversal, and strangle these "hate-spats" the moment they arise. "Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath," not even an hour, but let the next sentence after they begin quench them forever. And let those who cannot court without "spats," stop; for those who spat before marriage must quarrel after.