# Book of Etiquette/Volume 2/Part 4/Chapter 5

CHAPTER V
AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA
DRESS AT THE THEATER AND OPERA
For a matinee a simple street dress of a dark material is appropriate except during the summer months when one may wear dainty fabrics and light colors.
In the evening if one is to sit in a box one should wear evening dress, not so elaborate, however, as that worn at a ball or dance. If one is to sit in the orchestra full or semi-evening attire is appropriate but in the cheaper seats such attire is out of order. Plain street dress should be worn.
ENTERING THE THEATER
There is one law of good conduct that cannot be over-emphasized—and that is the law of making oneself inconspicuous. A man or woman who is the "center of attraction" when the occasion does not merit it, cannot claim the distinction of being entirely well-bred. There seems to be a certain dignified simplicity and modesty in dress, speech and behavior that distinguishes well-bred people and enables them to move with ease and unconscious grace among people of every status and position.
ARRIVING LATE
Whether it be the theater, opera, lecture or some other public entertainment, it is exceedingly bad form to arrive late. People who are considerate always make it a point to arrive five or ten minutes before the hour set for the performance.
When one is unavoidably detained and reaches the theater after the curtain has been raised, it is polite to remain at the rear of the auditorium until the first intermission. It is permissible to take one's place quickly and quietly while the audience is applauding; but it is rude and inconsiderate to attempt to find your place while the performers are on the stage and the attention of the audience has been fixed.
It is good form for the man or woman who arrives late to excuse himself or herself to the people who are disturbed while the vacant place is being reached. One may say, "I am sorry to disturb you," or, "Pardon me." Those who are seated should rise to allow passage if the place is very narrow, but if there is sufficient room for them to pass without stumbling it is better for those who are already seated to keep their places, drawing aside to facilitate matters for the new-comers.
ABOUT WRAPS
It is customary for a woman to slip off her wrap in the lobby and carry it on her arm to her place, where it may either be placed over the back of her chair or folded in her lap. Some big theaters now have checking rooms for women, where wraps may be left until after the perform​ance. Other theaters arrange for a wrap-checking service in the ladies' dressing room. Individual preference must decide whether the wrap shall be checked or kept with one. But to stand up after the play has begun, and leisurely divest oneself of one's wraps, is a breach of good manners. If her wrap is a light one a woman may keep it on until she is seated and then slip it off her shoulders and let it fall over the back of her chair.
Hat and veil are usually removed after one has been comfortably seated. Or, if one prefers, they may be checked in the dressing room. In the evening, when décolleté is worn with an evening veil and no hat, the veil may be dropped over the shoulders and kept throughout the evening.
A very common fault is to begin to put on wraps and hats before the performance is over. This is rude to the performers and unjust to the people around you. Wraps should not be touched until the curtain has fallen for the last time, even though one is anxious to leave. Politeness is a vital law of good conduct, and certainly nothing could be more impolite than to interrupt an actor or lecturer by fussing with clothing.
Gentlemen usually check their hats and coats in the lobby; otherwise they remove them both before taking their places. The hat is deposited under the chair, and the coat may either be folded and placed over the knees, or over the back of the seat.
ORDER OF PRECEDENCE
There seems to be some doubt as to the correct order of precedence upon entering and leaving the theater or concert hall. Some authorities on etiquette claim that the ​correct order is for the usher to lead the way to the seats, the lady following immediately behind him, and after the lady, her escort. But more modern usage has changed this order of precedence.
To-day it is correct for the usher to lead the way, a few feet ahead of the gentleman. Immediately behind the gentleman follows the lady. The reason for this change is that it enables the gentleman to stop before their places and hand the lady to her seat. Otherwise this duty devolves upon the usher. However, as the lady precedes the gentleman in almost everything else, it is safe to assume that both methods of precedence given above are correct.
One thing is certain—it is absolutely incorrect for lady and gentleman to walk down the aisle together, arm in arm.
BEFORE THE PLAY
Upon entering a theater or concert hall a few moments before the curtain is drawn, one becomes immediately conscious of the gentle buzz of voices throughout the audience. While it is entirely permissible to carry on a conversation before the play begins, it is most offensive to those who are sitting near for one to act in a noisy, conspicuous manner. Low tones are a mark of cultivation. As a matter of fact, loud noise of any kind is an exhibition of thoughtlessness, and it can be so easily avoided by a little caution.
Another reprehensible habit often indulged in before the play is that of standing up and glancing around one in the search of a familiar face, then nodding and smiling conspicuously to a friend in some other part of the auditorium. After having once been seated one should remain so, instead of rising and disturbing others. It is ​merely a form of vanity to search for friends among the audience and endeavor to attract their attention.
A certain gayety of manner is, of course, in harmony with the occasion, but it should be the kind of gayety that is under control. It is commendable to be smiling and cheerful—but be careful that you do not laugh boisterously or talk loudly.
WHEN THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN
The first chord of the orchestra should be the sign for absolute quiet in the theater. There can be nothing quite as rude as continuing a conversation while the musicians are doing their best to entertain you.
Usually, when the orchestra begins, programs are hastily opened and scanned. This causes an unpleasant rustling sound that mars the effect of the music and is sometimes very disturbing to music-lovers who are sitting near you. The time to glance through the program is while you are waiting for the play to begin, and before the musicians have taken their places. Then it should not be referred to again until during intermission.
People who arrive while the orchestra is playing should be particularly quiet. Care should be taken that chairs are not clattered or allowed to drop noisily.
DURING THE PERFORMANCE
It hardly seems necessary to say that talking or continued whispering during a performance is ill-bred and rude. Young people are most at fault in this matter. They must learn to curb their enthusiasms and criticisms until after the performance or during the intermissions.
​"The intelligent listener never interrupts" declares an eminent authority. Complete quiet should be maintained during a performance or concert; all talking or whispering is interruption. Beating time to the music, whistling or rustling programs are also unmannerly.
If anyone near you is inconsiderate enough to talk or hum during the performance, it is entirely proper to turn and in quiet tones request that he or she be more quiet. It is necessary, though that you do not speak in a curt or offensive manner that will cause antagonism on the part of the stranger. A kind request always meets with an immediate response. You might say, "Pardon me. Do you mind speaking a little lower?" or "Would you mind speaking more quietly?" It is polite, also, to offer a reason, as "I cannot hear very well. Will you please speak more softly?" If the person thus addressed complies with your request and answers you politely, you should acknowledge it with a very courteous "Thank you." But there should be no further conversation during the performance.
THE OFFENDING HAT
The polite woman removes her hat as soon as she is comfortably seated. To wear a hat that obstructs the view of the people behind is inconsiderate—and anything that is inconsiderate is also ill-bred.
If you find that it is necessary to ask the woman sitting before you to remove her hat, be sure that you couch your request in terms of careful politeness. This is very important. The cultured man or woman is polite at all times, and especially so when reminding someone of a politeness that has been overlooked. It should be remembered ​that a hearty smile and a friendly manner go a long way in winning a similar response.
"Pardon me, madam, but may I ask that you remove your hat?" is the form usually used. But a better way is to offer some explanation, as, "I am sorry to disturb you, but your hat is in my way. Will you kindly remove it?" The simple form "Will you please remove your hat?" is sufficient if it is accompanied by a pleasant smile. But under no circumstances is a curt, "Take off your hat" permissible. If one hesitates to speak to a stranger he or she may call the usher and request him to ask the offender to remove her hat.
The woman thus addressed may, upon complying with the request, either smile and remain silent, or say simply, "Yes, indeed." Other forms frequently used are "Certainly," "I am sorry," or, "Pardon me." The two latter forms are perhaps the best, for they indicate that the offender realizes her lack of politeness and is sorry.
APPLAUSE
Clapping hands is a natural language of delight. Very young infants clap their hands when they are happy. Children clap their hands to express their pleasure. And older people clap their hands to show appreciation and enjoyment.
But stamping of feet, whistling, or noisy acclamation of any kind is bad form. This may seem superfluous in a book of etiquette, but it is surprising how many otherwise cultured men stamp noisily or whistle when something said or done upon the stage particularly pleases them.
Ill-timed or continual applause is disturbing to performers and audience alike. Indiscriminate hand-clapping ​is not only annoying, but reflects poor judgment upon the offender. When you feel that an actor or lecturer merits applause, give him a short and hearty hand-clapping, but do not make the mistake of clapping noisily and excessively each time the opportunity presents itself.
It should be particularly remembered that ill-timed applause hinders the progress of the performers.
DURING INTERMISSION
At a theater party, when there are several men and women in the party, the men may take advantage of the intermission to leave their places for a few moments. But they must not indulge in this privilege more than once during a performance, if they wish to be polite and considerate to the ladies. And they should not go without excusing themselves to the ladles whom they are escorting.
When a young man and woman are together, it is the height of ill-breeding for him to leave her alone during intermission. If he wishes water or candy or programs, the usher will attend to it for him. He must not leave the lady alone unless she requests him to get something for her. A gentleman alone may, of course, come and go as he pleases during intermission.
If one must walk past strangers to leave one's seat for intermission, or if one wishes to leave before the performance is over, a courteous apology must be made to the people who are disturbed. "I beg your pardon," or, "May I trouble you to pass?" are the forms most frequently used. When the aisle is reached, it is polite to acknowledge the obligation by smiling and saying, "Thank you."
Photo by George H. Davis, Jr. Courtesy of the Woman's Home Companion
THE BUFFET LUNCH The informality of the buffet lunch permits the use of paper napkins but the hostess may use linen ones if she prefers
LEAVING THE THEATER
If you wish your acquaintances to recognize your charm and cultivation, you should conduct yourself at the conclusion of the performance with the same quiet dignity that you observed when you entered the theater and while you were waiting for it to begin. Speak in low tones, smile but do not laugh, discuss the play but do it in so quiet a manner that no one but your companion will hear you. It is bad form to gather in small groups and discuss the play In loud tones. Leave the theater as quickly as possible. The attendants are waiting to close it.
It usually takes a long time for a large theater to be emptied because many inconsiderate people block the aisles and loiter at the rear of the auditorium. As soon as the curtain has fallen for the last time, gather your wraps together, slip them on if it is convenient and move quickly down the aisle to the rear. Then pass quickly out of the theater and out of the way. But if you still carry your wraps, you may either go to the dressing-room or remain a moment or two in the lobby until you have arranged them.
Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage." If this is true, do we not owe the stage the same courtesy, respect and honor that we owe the world of fellow-men? Be as well-mannered and courteous at the theater and opera as you would in the most fastidious drawing-room.