# The History of the Adventures of Joseph Andrews and his Friend, Mr. Abraham Abrams/Book IV, Chapter II

CHAPTER II.
_A dialogue between Mr Abraham Adams and the Lady Booby._
Mr Adams was not far off, for he was drinking her ladyship's health
below in a cup of her ale. He no sooner came before her than she began
in the following manner: "I wonder, sir, after the many great
obligations you have had to this family" (with all which the reader hath
in the course of this history been minutely acquainted), "that you will
ungratefully show any respect to a fellow who hath been turned out of it
for his misdeeds. Nor doth it, I can tell you, sir, become a man of your
character, to run about the country with an idle fellow and wench.
Indeed, as for the girl, I know no harm of her. Slipslop tells me she
was formerly bred up in my house, and behaved as she ought, till she
hankered after this fellow, and he spoiled her. Nay, she may still,
perhaps, do very well, if he will let her alone. You are, therefore,
doing a monstrous thing in endeavouring to procure a match between these
two people, which will be to the ruin of them both."--"Madam," said
Adams, "if your ladyship will but hear me speak, I protest I never heard
any harm of Mr Joseph Andrews; if I had, I should have corrected him for
it; for I never have, nor will, encourage the faults of those under my
care. As for the young woman, I assure your ladyship I have as good an
opinion of her as your ladyship yourself or any other can have. She is
the sweetest-tempered, honestest, worthiest young creature; indeed, as
to her beauty, I do not commend her on that account, though all men
allow she is the handsomest woman, gentle or simple, that ever appeared
in the parish."--"You are very impertinent," says she, "to talk such
fulsome stuff to me. It is mighty becoming truly in a clergyman to
trouble himself about handsome women, and you are a delicate judge of
beauty, no doubt. A man who hath lived all his life in such a parish as
this is a rare judge of beauty! Ridiculous! beauty indeed! a country
wench a beauty! I shall be sick whenever I hear beauty mentioned again.
And so this wench is to stock the parish with beauties, I hope. But,
sir, our poor is numerous enough already; I will have no more vagabonds
settled here."--"Madam," says Adams, "your ladyship is offended with me,
I protest, without any reason. This couple were desirous to consummate
long ago, and I dissuaded them from it; nay, I may venture to say, I
believe I was the sole cause of their delaying it."--"Well," says she,
"and you did very wisely and honestly too, notwithstanding she is the
greatest beauty in the parish."--"And now, madam," continued he, "I only
perform my office to Mr Joseph."--"Pray, don't mister such fellows to
me," cries the lady. "He," said the parson, "with the consent of Fanny,
before my face, put in the banns." "Yes," answered the lady, "I suppose
the slut is forward enough; Slipslop tells me how her head runs upon
fellows; that is one of her beauties, I suppose. But if they have put in
the banns, I desire you will publish them no more without my
orders."--"Madam," cries Adams, "if any one puts in a sufficient
caution, and assigns a proper reason against them, I am willing to
surcease."--"I tell you a reason," says she: "he is a vagabond, and he
shall not settle here, and bring a nest of beggars into the parish; it
will make us but little amends that they will be beauties."--"Madam,"
answered Adams, "with the utmost submission to your ladyship, I have been
informed by lawyer Scout that any person who serves a year gains a
settlement in the parish where he serves."--"Lawyer Scout," replied the
lady, "is an impudent coxcomb; I will have no lawyer Scout interfere
with me. I repeat to you again, I will have no more incumbrances brought
on us: so I desire you will proceed no farther."--"Madam," returned
Adams, "I would obey your ladyship in everything that is lawful; but
surely the parties being poor is no reason against their marrying. God
forbid there should be any such law! The poor have little share enough
of this world already; it would be barbarous indeed to deny them the
common privileges and innocent enjoyments which nature indulges to the
animal creation."--"Since you understand yourself no better," cries the
lady, "nor the respect due from such as you to a woman of my
distinction, than to affront my ears by such loose discourse, I shall
mention but one short word; it is my orders to you that you publish
these banns no more; and if you dare, I will recommend it to your
master, the doctor, to discard you from his service. I will, sir,
notwithstanding your poor family; and then you and the greatest beauty
in the parish may go and beg together."--"Madam," answered Adams, "I
know not what your ladyship means by the terms master and service. I am
in the service of a Master who will never discard me for doing my duty;
and if the doctor (for indeed I have never been able to pay for a
licence) thinks proper to turn me from my cure, God will provide me, I
hope, another. At least, my family, as well as myself, have hands; and
he will prosper, I doubt not, our endeavours to get our bread honestly
with them. Whilst my conscience is pure, I shall never fear what man can
do unto me."--"I condemn my humility," said the lady, "for demeaning
myself to converse with you so long. I shall take other measures; for I
see you are a confederate with them. But the sooner you leave me the
better; and I shall give orders that my doors may no longer be open to
you. I will suffer no parsons who run about the country with beauties to
be entertained here."--"Madam," said Adams, "I shall enter into no
persons' doors against their will; but I am assured, when you have
enquired farther into this matter, you will applaud, not blame, my
proceeding; and so I humbly take my leave:" which he did with many bows,
or at least many attempts at a bow.