# Advice to the Indian Aristocracy/Chapter 7

MANNERS.
Mr. Macnaghten has dwelt very ably on this subject. He arranges manners into three classes, viz.:—
I shall first simply give you some quotations from his lecture on the general subject of manners and then add a few remarks of my own if they seem to be called for. Mr. Macnaghten, in addressing his pupils, said: "It has long been in my mind to say to you something on the subject of Good Manners. For this is a subject which, you will admit, is of daily, of hourly, importance to us all. We all know the difference between good and bad manners, between habits which are rude and habits which are gentle, and we know what a ​difference they make ia society. And for you who have to live in society, and to lead public lives among men, to be seen and (I trust) respected by all, the cultivation of gentle manners is a matter of very great consequence indeed. For the estimation which you will hereafter have among men, and your influence over them, will depend very much on the manners you possess. If you behave like a common man, you will seem to be a common man, you will be treated like a common man. If you behave like a gentleman, you will be treated like a gentleman, you will have the honour and respect which a gentleman has, wherever he goes."
"Good manners perhaps do not make a gentleman; but manners are certainly one of the parts which make a gentleman as a whole. There may possibly be a show of good manners in one who is not a real gentleman at heart; but no one can ​in the fullest sense be a gentleman who is not one in manner. And you, who by birth and education, and the refinement which comes from abundance, have all the advantages of the best gentleman, should certainly be careful to add to these advantages, as with care you may, the grace of good manners/'
Generally our words must be pleasant in tone and agreeable to the ear of the listener. When a visitor comes to you, or when you happen to meet a person outside, you should try to lead the conversation with a smile, as, it is said, Sri Rama did who thereby acquired the distinctive name of "one who leads the conversation with a smile." Be careful that your meaning is clear and pleasantly expressed. In conversation never speak or ask about family calamities, of deaths in detail, and of other unpleasant topics. You should also not ask any person about his age, children. ​salary, or about anything else personal unless you are an intimate friend of his. Sometimes some words which are not wrong in themselves are quite unsuited for the occasion. When you visit a person you should not ask the value of anything you see in his room. If you see anything to be admired, you may ask his permission to look at it and may even ask him where such a nice thing was made. But never put such questions to those that are higher in rank or in official position. On being asked, give your opinion frankly in polite words on a subject you know. If you have to make any remarks, be modest in making them. If you know little or nothing of a subject, say so plainly, but never pretend to know it. You must be careful to speak with respect when you meet those that have authority over you. But even to them never use exaggerated expressions for the sake of compliment. ​ You must also be polite and pleasant in your actions as in your words. A man of your position must be very polite and agreeable to others. Your position itself brings you honour and you will be naturally respected by others; and if you be polite and courteous to others you will reap greater respect, for politeness never decreases it. On the other hand, do not be too submissive when you meet Europeans. Behave as becomes your position, and move about naturally and not as if in strange society. Except in business matters, they, too, don't like to see people of our rank too submissive. Carefully notice how among Europeans a superior officer and his subordinates mix freely with one another when they meet.
Make your bow as gracefully as you can to the ladies, shake hands with them gently, and put on your pleasant looks. Punctuality and neat dress come under the ​heading of good manners. You must avoid in society all disagreeable actions, such as, spitting, yawning, and making audible guttural and nasal sounds. Therefore avoid them; if you cannot do so altogether, suppress such sounds as much as possible. Cleanliness in body, in apparel and in surroundings also comes under good manners.
There is a very good moral saying, viz., "money, learning and noble birth bring pride to a man of bad behaviour, and the same three bring politeness and gentleness to a man of good behaviour." Then how can a man acquire good behaviour? He must be trained and taught well when he is young, and he must be careful, watchful and thoughtful in his actions in his after life.
It has been a general practice among Zamindars to observe a strict etiquette when two Zamindars meet each other. ​Several such meetings have had bad results owing to the intrigues of one or the other of the two parties concerned. Such behaviour simply brings dishonour on the person who pursues it, and never elevates his position in the least. Even at the present time some of us are particularly strict in the observance of the prescribed etiquette; but I think there should now be some relaxation in its observance.
Suppose a Zamindar is going to pay his first visit to another, and that all the details of the etiquette to be observed at the time are settled beforehand, then if the receiving Zamindar, whether intentionally or not, does not act up to the settled etiquette, he is the cause of the unhappy results of the meeting, but his conduct never degrades the visitor. If, therefore, any such meetings happen, the one who receives must act up to the very word and letter of what has been already ​settled. Even if he is not sufficiently careful in the matter, the visiting Zamindar should take no notice of it, considering that it is the silly fault of his host.
There are many more things to be said on this subject. On the whole Europeans, especially the inhabitants of Great Britain, know more of what belong to good manners than Hindus. Yet there are some points required by Hindu good manners to be observed which Europeans overlook when they meet Native gentlemen. Yet, if they find a native fail, they will at once remark that he is a rude or a dirty fellow. However, we must be very careful in our behaviour when we meet them. On the whole, whether you come in contact with Europeans or Hindus, your manners must be good in word, in act, and in gesture.
In the Mahabharata, Vidura in his advice to Dhritarashtra and Dhaumya in his advice to Yudhisthira and his brothers, ​give some very good principles suited for one's behaviour and conduct. I hope you, my dear friends, will read them carefully in your mother tongue and also note in what connection they were given by those two learned and wise gentlemen.