# The Intersexes: A History of Similisexualism as a Problem in Social Life/Chapter XI

CHAPTER XI.
The Uranian and Uraniad in Relation to Marriage as a "Cure" for Similisexualism.
Five Popular Errors.
We meet an error even graver, as to intercourse with women by Uranians, when we touch on the relations of the similisexual to matrimonial life, as legal husband and anon as father. By no means seldom Uranians—as do Uraniads—commit themselves to normal wedlock; and have all the responsibilities to fulfil that belong to the normal married state and to paternity. We are not ​speaking here of the legal marriages between Uranian and Uraniad types; though they occur, either by accident or design—and sometimes fortunately. We are considering here wedlock only between similisexuals and heterosexuals. This predicament is far from rare. Sometimes it is an almost unimportant detail of a life. Sometimes it is wholly unfavourable to the happiness and the well-being of those united; elementary to melancholy events. Physicians know most about this fact. Naturally, hardly no other class of professional confidences is more carefully kept.
Why Do Really Similisexual Persons Marry at All?
The Danger of Failure of Any Sexual Peace for Uranians who Undertake Marriage.
Annals of Tragedy for Similisexuals Undertaking Wedlock.
Instances: the Uranian Unhappy in Normal Marri- age: its Sad Undersides.
The following example, from the same high source, is of rather a different type, as denoting considerable femininism of the uranian type. It is equally admonitory in its way:
Instance: Strong Uranianism.
"… I am well married, and to a wife who loves me passionately, and I am the father of a charming two-year old girl. But what I feel for my wife is friendship. Circumstances other than love made our match. At the mere sight of a handsome young man, I instantly feel that passionate sexual excitement (which is the only really sexual one for me) so genuinely, that since my youngest years, I have always felt the most ardent wish that marriages between men were possible. I long in vain for the man whom I secretly love. Think of it! I have never loved, I can never love, a woman! I am forced to appease my impulse, the masculine ideal in my mind"… etc. etc.
Marriage as a Useful Screen, on Occasion.
A similisexual man occasionally takes his betrothed, or his wife, into his confidence—from the first; appeals to her pity, even if she cannot "understand" his sexual nature. Sometimes she is thus his good angel, his dearest friend through a whole life together, in which their love is without any sexualism. But many wives of Uranians do not know, or guess, or endure well such a situation. Sometimes the confidence or conduct of the husband precipitates a melancholy rupture, if not one in violence.
Timely Retreat.
Historic cases of these 'escapes' are to he met. One of them involved the unlucky Ludwig II of Bavaria. We have noted such a situation as a tragedy, when speaking of the ruptured betrothal of Lenau, the distinguished poet.
Nevertheless, we continually find the homosexual entering on his engagement, after positive medical advice toward such a step.—as his "cure." But anon—perhaps at once—he finds his error. His disillusionment is pitiable. Such a well-meaning but evil counsellor is depicted in the interview with a medical specialist, included in a little psychiatric romance already cited in these pages—"Imre a Memorandum:
"The physician who had written that book happened to be in England at the time. I had never thought it possible that I could feel courage to go to any man .. save to that one vague sympathizer, my dream-friend, he who some day would understand all!… and confess myself; lay bare my mysterious nature. But if it were a mere disease, oh, that made a difference! So I visited the distinguished specialist at once. He helped me urbanely through my embarrassing story of my 'malady' … "Oh, there was nothing extraordinary, not at all extraordinary in it, from the beginning to the end," the doctor assured me, smiling—in fact, it was "exceedingly common … All confidential specialists in nervous diseases know of hundreds of just such cases; nay, of much worse ones; and treat and cure them … A morbid state of certain sexual-sensory nerve-centers" … and so on, in his glibly professional diagnosis."
​"So I am to understand that I am curable?"
"Curable? Why, surely! Exactly as I have written in my work; or as Doctor So-and-So, and the great psychiatric Professor Such-a-One, proved long ago. Your case, my dear sir, is the easier because you suffer in a sentimental and sexual way from what we call the obsession of a set, distinct Type, you see; instead of a general—h'm—how shall I style it?—morbidity of your sex-inclinations. It is largely mere imagination I You say you have never really 'realized' this haunting masculine Type which has given you such trouble? My dear sir, don't think any more about such nonsense! You never will 'realize' it in any way to be—h'm—disturbed. Probably had you married and settled down pleasantly, years ago, you would laugh heartily now at the whole story of such an illusion of your nature. Too much thought of it all, my dear friend! Too much introspection, idealism, sedentary life, dear sir! Yes, yes—you must marry—God bless you!"
The Tragic Retreat: Four Instances.
[Vienna.] "We mentioned yesterday the startling suicide of the teacher in the Burggasse public-school, Herr Leopold S—. The unfortunate young man committed the act only a few hours before he ​Was expected to meet his bride—at the altar. S— had been betrothed since July of last year. He was 38 years old, the son of a surgeon. His fiancee was a most estimable and attractive young lady of this city, also for awhile a teacher, and the daughter of a well-known architect and builder. The pair were much attached to one another, as would be supposed, but certain matters as to S— … (confidential to some of his most intimate friends only) have been ominous from the first. Until the engagement with the young lady, Herr S— had led the most reserved of lives, occupied only with his profession and his mother, between whom and this only son a specially close attachment existed—the admiration of their friends. In November, the mother and son took a pleasanter and larger dwelling, in K—gasse, which also was to be the home of the pair. The betrothal met with general congratulation by the friends. The wedding was set for yesterday, at half-past twelve, in the Karlskirche, and the dinner was to follow, in a hotel. S— is spoken of as having passed the preceding evening in the best of spirits, at the home of his betrothed, which he left at ten o'clock. At eight in the morning, he was found on the floor of his room with a pistol-shot in his right temple. He recovered consciousness for an instant or so, but could not speak—and died in a state of coma. The fatal shot was not heard in the house. Mrs. S— the mother was leisurely dressing for the happy event of the morning, when the news of the tragedy was broken to her. As soon as she had recovered consciousness, (but hardly within an hour) and could control her grief, she sent word to the family of the bride, who immediately countermanded the day's ceremony as best they could. The Karlskirche was decorated tastefully with flowers, and majority of the guests were already assembling there, or preparing to drive to the wedding. The news was of melancholy effect, the more as the deliberateness of Herr S—'s action was mentioned. Many guests were at different hotels in the city, and did not hear of the death till they reached the church or hotel. Among the deeply-moved friends of the teacher was one favourite pupil, a lad of sixteen, who presently came to the deceased young man's house, weeping bitterly to "lose so kind, so good a teacher" …… It is said that S—, day before yesterday, sent a registered letter to a person in particularly close relations with him, announcing his intention. The motive of the suicide arises in certain tragic circumstances of a familiar nature. The bereaved mother is without consolation. Recently she has had grave mental anxieties, and she had hoped that henceforth her days would pass in peace. The outlook for her is sad indeed."
Or one meets other instances of suicide on the eve of marriage, such as are the subjoined. The first is from an English daily newspaper of July 19, 1908:
The Uranian Wife-Murderer.
One "historic" wife-murder (in the highest circles of the aristocracy of the French Second Empire) was infused with homosexualism—though the secret was well-kept. Another more recent socialtragedy, of somewhat similar kind (in England) was entirely such. In a South American city, about a year ago, a merchant killed his wife "to ged rid of her," and to resume his former sexual life with a male partner.
Uranian Adulteries.
In the "Jahrbuch für Sexuelle Zwischenstufen" is сited a case of a wife who attempted to kill her husband, on discovering his intimacy with a young man. Failing to punish him, she took her own life. How violently can be avenged by wives the 'insult ' to their. sex and to heterosexual love, when husbands are false on uranian lines of infidelity, the following examples indicate. The first is from a Berlin newspaper of May, 1908. The second is of some years ago, from an Austrian journal:—
Marriage as an Interruption to Uranian Intimacies.
Jealousy, and Interference.
The Anguish of an Uranian when Partnerless by Marriage.
I asked for one final interview. He could not refuse it. He came. We faced each other, both trembling with excitement, hardly daring to look into each other's eyes.
"What do you demand of me?" he asked. "I am certainly in duty bound to be grateful to you, and because of your great kindness to me, I wish to forget now many things that have passed between us. But do not demand too much,—what goes beyond human power! Speak!"
I caught his hand, stretched out against me. "Listen to me," I said, "you have always been my ideal of honour, my pride. That 'weakness' as you call it, which made you willing to belong to me, my own immeasureable love for you, perhaps these things have now you feel made dishonoured, lowered you in your own eyes. You perhaps think now that I have had only a lower sort of longing in seeking your love. That would be the most fearful of errors! You think that you are far higher than I, because I am your slave, your creature. But, Bruno, has not the nobler part of my love any influence on you? Oh, yes, it is a punishable passion … You could be guilty of a great crime; I should love you, all the same, like a god: you could draw to yourself the hate contempt and of all the world, but I should defend you against it all … You see how unspeakably I love you! I have no other thought, no breath of life, except—you! Bruno, this marriage of yours is impossible. It will kill me. Take pity on me" …… Sobs choked my voice.
Whether pictured by merely romance or in sad fact, such episodes warn Uranians who allow their hearts to be bound-up in the affection for a much younger man; for that growing, hesitating nature which presently may swing wholly away from an immature sexual anchorage. The noble-minded type of Uranian knows that the young deserter has every right on his side. So admitting, he may accept the blow in silence; but also in an anguish never to pass away.
Here are typical examples of dramas—one in America, the other in Germany—because of passionate sensibility to the barrier and separation that must occur through marriage:
Transmitted Sim- ilisexualism: the Uranian's Children.
The Uraniad and Her Marriage as a "Cure:" How Far Is It Helpful?
The Uraniad Less Clearly Warned of Dangers for Her.
But not always. An example communicated in "Psychopathia Sexualis," by Dr. von Krafft-Ebing, is this:
The following case, from the same high authority, indicates a type of considerable 'normalism' mingled with feminosexualism:
Instance: Suicide after Marriage.
Does Marriage Ever "Cure"?
The "Impossible Wedlock."