# Punch/Volume 147/Issue 3810/Charivaria

A weekly selection of short humorous items, normally on the first page of each issue.
CHARIVARIA.
Two men carrying bombs were arrested last week on the outskirts of Paris, and are suspected of a plot against the French President. They alleged that the bombs were made for the Tsar of Russia, but the Tsar denies that he gave the commission.
The town of Criccieth, it is reported, has decided to give up gas in favour of electricity. This, of course, is not meant as a slight on its most illustrious resident.
Posted at Ventnor, Isle of Wight, on July 14, 1901, a postcard has just been delivered at the Grapes Hotel in Cowes. The recipient is said to have expressed the opinion that it would have been quicker, almost, to have telephoned the message.
Miss Nina Boyle, of the Women's Freedom League, has sant to the papers a list of ladies on whom she considers the King ought to bestow honours. Among the writers there is one notable omission, and Miss Marie Corelli is said to be more of an anti-Suffragette than ever.
   "NEW THEATRE FOR LONDON,
   ALL SEATS IN THE HOUSE TO BE BOOKED."
So the great difficulty has been solved at last! So may theatres fail because the seats are not taken.
A movement is on foot to induce Mr. Charles Garvice to change the name of his play, A Heritage of Hate, as so many patrons of melodrama have experienced difficulty in pronouncing the title as it stands at present.
In a struggle between a British sailor and a German policeman at Wilhelmshaven the other day honours seem to have been fairly even. The policeman, who used his sword, lost his head, and the sailor a piece of his nose.
Two men of good position were tried last week before the State Court of Berlin for refusing to address a police-man as "Mr." That will surprise no one who knows his Prussia. It is the sequel which takes our breath away. The two men were acquitted!
Volume 10 of the Census of 1911 shows that in the preceding ten years clergymen of the Established Church declined from 25,235 to 24,859. "The decrease is accounted for by the lack of young men taking orders." The wonder is that such orders were not at once snapped up by alert Germans.
Miss Laura Wentworth, of Nebraska, known as "The Big Hat Girl," has, we are told, sailed from New York in the Imperator with a hat which measures 58 inches in diameter. These giant liners are justifying themselves.
We are glad that the Postmaster-General has promised a Bill against foreign sweeps. Only the other day we received a circular headed "Schimleys Scheaply Schwept."
While we are ready to grant that it is not always easy to find the apt quotation, we cannot help thinking that The Daily Telegraph would have caused less offence if it had published the following paragraph without any tag at all:—
   The Mayor and Mayoress of Kensington, Alderman and Mrs. W. H. Davison, held a reception at the Kensington Town Hall last evening, their guests numbering between 400 and 500.
"Cheerful Company at all the Cafés. Soup to Cheese 1/-," announces an advertisement in The Manchester Guardian. We have heard of lively cheese before, but the chatty soup must be something of a novelty.
"Strawberries are going out," reports The Evening News. We are in a position to confirm this statement. We met one out the other evening.
According to La France Militaire the French Navy is about to try the experiment of enlisting black sailors. We should say that they will be found to make the most admirable stokers, not showing the dirt like the white men.
Describing a recent visit of a party of Congressmen and State officials to one of the teetotal battleships of the American Navy, a contemporary says, "The distinguished guests took water with what grace they could." Evidently they thought it scarcely worth saying grace for.
The statement made last week in the course of a certain trial that "as a man grows older he becomes riper" has had a curious sequel. Orders are pouring in from the Cannibal Isles for consignments of centenarians.