# The English and Scottish Popular Ballads/Part 9/Chapter 274

A
HAME came our goodman, And hame came he, And then he saw a saddle-horse, Where nae horse should be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came this horse here, Without the leave o me?' 'A horse?' quo she. 'Ay, a horse,' quo he. 'Shame fa your cuckold face, Ill mat ye see! 'Tis naething but a broad sow, My minnie sent to me.' 'A broad sow?' quo he. 'Ay, a sow,' quo shee. 'Far hae I ridden, And farrer hae I gane, But a sadle on a sow's back I never saw nane.' Hame came our goodman, And hame came he; He spy'd a pair of jack-boots, Hwere nae boots should be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came these boots here, Without the leave o me?' 'Boots?' quo she. 'Ay, boots,' quo he. 'Shame fa your cuckold face, And ill mat ye see! It's but a pair of water-stoups, My minnie sent to me.' 'Water-stoups?' quo he. 'Ay, water-stoups,' quo she. 'Far hae I ridden, And farer hae I gane, But siller spurs on water-stoups I saw never nane.' Hame came our goodman, And hame came he, And he saw a sword, Whare a sword should na be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came this sword here, Without the leave o me?' 'A sword?' quo she. 'Ay, a sword,' quo he. 'Shame fa your cuckold face, Ill mat ye see! It's but a porridge-spurtle, My minnie sent to me.' 'A spurtle?' quo he. 'Ay, a spurtle,' quo she. 'Far hae I ridden, And farer hae I gane, But siller-handed spurtles I saw never nane.' Hame came our goodman, And hame came he; There he spy'd a powderd wig, Where nae wig shoud be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came this wig here, Without the leave o me?' 'A wig?' quo she. 'Ay, a wig,' quo he. 'Shame fa your cuckold face, And ill mat you see! 'Tis naething but a clocken-hen, My minnie sent to me.' 'Clocken hen?' quo he. 'Ay, clocken hen,' quo she. 'Far hae I ridden, And farer hae I gane, But powder on a clocken-hen I saw never nane.' Hame came our goodman, And hame came he, And there he saw a muckle coat, Where nae coat shoud be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came this coat here, Without the leave o me?' 'A coat?' quo she. 'Ay, a coat,' quo he. 'Shame fa your cuckold face, Ill mat ye see! It's but a pair o blankets, My minnie sent to me.' 'Blankets?' quo he. 'Ay, blankets,' quo she. 'Far hae I ridden, And farer hae I gane, But buttons upon blankets I saw never nane.' 'Ben went our goodman, And ben went he, And there he spy'd a study man, Where nae man shoud be. 'What's this now, goodwife? What's this I see? How came this man here, Without the leave o me?' 'A man?' quo she. 'Ay, a man,' quo he. 'Poor blind body, And blinder mat ye be! It's a new milking-maid, My mither sent to me.' 'A maid?' quo he. 'Ay, a maid,' quo she. 'Far hae I ridden, And farer hae I gane, But lang-bearded maidens I saw never nane.
B
O I went into the stable, and there for to see, And there I saw three horses stand, by one, by two, and by three. O I calld to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'O what do these three horses here, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? These are three milking-cows, my mother sent O me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Milking-cows with bridles and saddles on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. O I went into the kitchen, and there for to see, And there I saw three swords hang, by one, by two, and by three. O I calld to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'O what do these three swords do here, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? They are three roasting-spits, my mother sent to me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Roasting spits with scabbards on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. O I went into the parlour, and there for to see, And there I saw three cloaks hang, by one, by two, and by three. O I calld to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'O what do these three cloaks do here, without the leave of me?' Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? These are three mantuas, my mother sent to me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Mantuas with capes on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. I went into the pantry, and there for to see, And there I saw three pair of boots hang, by one, by two, and by three. O I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she 'O what do these three pair of boots do here, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? These are three pudding-bags, my mother sent to me.' yday! Godzounds! Pudding-bags with spurs on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. I went into my closet, and there for to see, And there I saw three pair of breeches lie, by one, by two, and by three. O I calld to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'O what do these three pair of breeches do here, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? These are three petticoats, my mother sent to me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Petticoats with waistbands on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. I went into the dairy, and there for to see, And there I saw three hats hang, by one, by two, and by three. I calld to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'Pray what do these three hats do here, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, can't you very well see? They are three skimming-dishes, my mother sent to me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Skimming-dishes with hat-bands on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home. I went into the chamber, and there for to see, And there I saw three men in bed lie, by one, by two, and by three. I called to my loving wife, and 'Anon, kind sir!' quoth she: 'O what do these three men in bed, without the leave of me?' 'Why, you old cuckold, blind cuckold, don't you very well see? They are three milking-maids, my mother sent to me.' 'Heyday! Godzounds! Milking-maids with beards on! the like was never known!' Old Wichet a cuckold went out, and a cuckold he came home.