# First and second part of the new proverbs on the pride of women, or, The vanity of this world displayed

THE
First and Second PART of the NEW
PROVERBS
On the Pride of WOMEN:
or, the
Vanity of this World Diſplayed.
To which is added,
'An excellent Receipt to all young Men who want a Wife, how to wale her by the Mouth; beſides you have an account of the Girls that wear the (illegible text) Heads and the High-crown’d caps, piled on Heads like a bee-ſeap, or a Quoil of Hay,(illegible text) with ail their Rigging and Furniture.
PRINTED IN THE (illegible text)
New Proverbs on the Pride
of Women,. &c
CHAP. I.
A Woman who has haughty looks, is under the infection of the plague, even pride; ſhe is ignorant of herſelf, and thinks as much as ſhe is her own maker, always deſpiſing her fellow creatures as if ſhe was not of the ſeed of Adam.
2. Her eyes bent always upwards, towards the ſkies, and in my opinion, ſuch women come from the world of the moon, becauſe they look backwards towards their native country.
3. And ſhe who is parton full of pride, is empty of (illegible text)ue ; but O how wiſe in her own eyes is ſhe; eloquent in ſpeech, expert in law without experience.
4. He that joins with ſuch a woman, binds himſelf (illegible text)a galley ſlave all the days of his life; he muſt (illegible text) againſt wind and waves. (illegible text) her to the grave's (illegible text);for she cannot be told.
(illegible text)! for many women are weighted down (illegible text), lifted up with vanity, deeply wounded ſo in love with themſelves, their hearts pine. with hatred and ſorrow becauſe their neighbours are exalted above them.
6. This is a fore evil which cleaveth to the daughters of Eve, handed down from mother to daughter from one generation to another.
7. No ſooner have they got judgement to diſern between the right hand and the left, but they are carried away to be taught by Madam Vanity, the daughter of Lucifer, who brings them into the college of Contradiction, which ſlands in the town of Contention.
8. Here they are catechiſed in all the arts of (illegible text)ings; ſuch as painting of the face, and plaiting of the hair and (illegible text) theſe high crowned caps and big head-dre(illegible text) on their heads like a bee-ſeap ​or a quoil of hay, and even kilting their petticoat to the rump.
9. Come all ye dumb brutes, cats, dogs, and other creatures, and behold a fooliſh people, walking on earth, as if they were not of the earth, decking their bodies with brats, and their bellies with beef and yet you in rough ſkins ſeem as comely in your kinds, and more obedient to your Maker and matter than they.
10. Come, come ye lilies of the field, and roſes of the garden, and behold how queens, princeſſes, and counteſſes, are counterfeited by poor clipſarts of vanity going to church with the ribs of unrighteouſneſs round their rumple; with a diſplayed banner of painted hyprocriſy in their right hand, to guard their faces from the ſun. O but the lilies outſhine the laſſes for beauty; the roſes rejoice and affront them, while they like howlets hide their face from the beams of the ſun, as if their faces were ſun, and their hides binds tongues; they abhor the bright beams thereof as a cat. does muſtard.
11. Many of theſe women are more dangerous than the mouth of devouring demons; though they appear as angels in the church, they are as (illegible text) in the ſheets, and as Beelſebub above the blankets, the man that marries ſuch a woman, he had better be wedded to his ſtaff, and go to bed with the beetle in his boſom.
CHAP. II.
HE who gets a ſcolding wife, and a mortifying goodmother, had far better been buried alive, for the one will cry him deaf, and the other will waſte his money and his meat, fill his belly with wind, and his heart with ſorrow, till with hunger and anger he will die a double death every day.
2. He that marries a gentle wife without a weigh ty purſe of gold, or a good portion, binds himſelf to be his lady’s page, his own ſervant, captain Clout’s coachman, and Mr. Poverty’s poſtilian all the days of his life.
​The care of ſuch a wife is to clothe her antiquity, if her huſband ſhould go naked, ſhe laboureth with her tongue, not with her hands, deſeribing the genealogy of her forefathers, the gentleneſs of her blood, and of her huſband’s- deſcent, who never came to honour and poverty till he came to her.
4. He that weds for money is a miſer, and, he for beauty a fool; but he that for virtue and the other two is wiſer than the weaver who took a wife and would have nothing, becauſe he had nothing of his own.
5. And the reaſen was, becauſe his wife might ſay, l have made thee rich with my tocher, when thou had nought but thy t — l.
9. He that marries a widow for her pelf, had better marry a whore, if ſhe be handſome and wholeſome, for the widow will be upbraiding him with the wealth and pleaſure ſhe had with her former huſband, who was always, the beſt, becauſe he was gone.
7. Whereas the whore will be aſhamed to ſpeak of her former pleaſures, becauſe they were ſtolen, (illegible text) and unlawful; but rather ſhe will rejoice, (illegible text)thee, when ſhe enjoys the ſame (illegible text) fear, ſcandal, ſhame, or reproach, 8. He that marries a widow, let it be with one who had a huſband, that gave her blows or every ſole (illegible text) breakfaſt, who was hanged for knocking ut the brains of his mother, and playing the whore with another woman; that she may have to ſay ſhe had got the beſt huſband to her laſt, and if thou be not in, thou art a poor wretch, I'll warrant you.
C H A P. III.
IT is moſt natural for every ſex to have a deſire towards its fellows, and without the company of each other they have no (illegible text) happineſs.
2. Is it not reaſonable for thee, O man! who in reſolved to join thyſelf to a wife; that thou join thy houſe together, firſt by a mathematical order; the couples and the cumfoiling thereof, cover i above and pleniſh (illegible text)
​3. Go to the birds and be not blindfolded, who build their neſt, lay their eggs before they hatch their young, be not ſo fooliſh, as to have a child before you have a wife, nor a wife before you have a houſe to hold her in.
4. Stuff thy houſe with all manner of furniture neceſſary for the family, marry thy wife in the pudding-month, and thou ſhalt have warmneſs all the winter.
5. Beware of running too faſt, leſt you come to fall, for the fair ſex have ſhort heels, and often fall backwards when bearing of the voice of wedlock, ſwooning away, for the joy of a relief long looked for; behold them not when they turn up their ten toes, left thou fall into the trap from whence there is no returning; without committing great wickedneſs.
6. But when thou goeſt to meet a woman, (illegible text) her by the mouth, as Mungo did his mare; for her words you may know whether ſhe be a wife woman or a fool.
7. If ſhe be poor, proud and prideful turn the back of your hand to her, and your (illegible text) for ſhe is the worſt penny-worth ever came (illegible text) poor man’s pack-ſheet, yea, happy is he that g(illegible text) home with the toom halter in his hand without her.
8. But if you chance to admire the charms of (illegible text) who is black and lovely, decent and diſcreet, ho(illegible text) and virtuous; thou never ſo poor; cleave thou onto her by all means, for ſuch a woman will hold you us her head and huſband, then thou ſhaſt- reign as a king over thine own houſe, and all thy family ſhall be ſubject unto thee.
9. For it you marry one who thinks herſelf wiſer than thee, ſhe will uſurp thy authority, counterman thy orders, and hold thee more like her monkey than her man or maſter.
10. Keep not private company with a woman tha{illegible}} is a great finger, nor a girl who is game-like, so the rolling of the eye and the ſweetneſs of the voice encourage men to commit wickedneſs.
11. Take not a wife that i tear-minded (illegible text) ​commonly are tail ready, loon angry, ſoon pleaſed eafſily purſuaded to do any thing; if a temptation afflict will be eaſily overcome, even to hornify your head: for ſuch are live-looſe’s children.
12. Neither do ye encounter with one who hath a big belly, and a boſom full of paps, for ſuch are ſeldom wholeſome; nor one who is too tall, for ſueh long people when they fall are too heavy to riſe, but the beſt way under the ſun is to marry, and ſo continue, look back to dorty maidens and give them the ſcornful catalogue follows:
13. O ye haughty maids, mock my proverbs and I’ll mock your pride, ſigh for a man when it is too late, and ſend for him when he will not come, your (illegible text)youth is, I'm o'er young to marry yet, until the wrinkles riſe in your face like the back of a, ram-horn, and (illegible text) but one tooth bound in with a rag, then make a (illegible text) of your thumbs, and (illegible text) of your long ringers, and play,
(illegible text) could I marry a (illegible text) just now,
(illegible text) my time and my lover too.
And here I ſhall be ſilent for a ſhort time, then I shall vex Vanity once more let one ſay I am a rattle-ſkull, another, he is jumbled in his judgement diſturbed in his ſtudies, ſo I make an end, leſt they ſay, I am become a preacher, and every trade is en croaching upon another; now be that wonders at my folly I will wonder at his wiſdom, then we are even with one another.
PART II.
COME, O men and miniſters, and behold madmen and fooliſh women, running into the bonds of wedlock, as the horſe doth unto the battle. No; no, no holding back, but John Slothe and Maggy Idle muſt be married, even becauſe they have (illegible text) but meanneſs, no teacher but I—Is, no wit (illegible text) no wealth but wanton folly; and poor (illegible text) antiquity only excepted.
​3. For he is the honourable laird of Sluggard (illegible text) ſon and ſhe is the Daughter of Slipmy-labour.
4. Behold he goeth with his garters unbound, his boſom bare, and both-his hands holding up his breeches.
5. Up gets Maggy in the morning against the hour of nine, whether it be day-light or not, but not without the power of a pearſer, for ſhe covers herſelf with her petticoat, and runs to the dung-hill as a ſoldier to his arms, when alarmed by the drum.
6. This is the character of two, which may be multiplied into millions, two by two, that fall into miſery by matrimony, and are deadly wounded by the plague of poverty, for want of a virtuous proceeding in themſelves.
7. Their great care is, once to be firmly married, and then all their cares are drowned in the ſleep of luſt, and when they awake, the flame of caif-love is quite out; then they look up, when their eyes are opened, and ſeeing them ſhocked with worldly cares, almoſt naked and next to nothing.
8. Now they muſt work or want, their belly wages war againſt them, their backs and beds cloathed; their children alſo come upon them thick, thick, if not threefold.
9. Then ſays the huſband, What have I done? work hard all the day to myſelf, and get no wages, my belly is never filled with bread, but, O my heart is almoſt like to break with ſorrow!
10. O had I been ſtill the ſervant of another man, then had I got, my daily bread and yearly wages, but now I have loſt good bread and great pleaſure, and O but her beef be a weighty burden unto me.
11. Let never a man wale his wife at the milk-door pick up a painted image in the market; as I have done to my deadly danger.
12. Her fine bulks are turned into miſerable (illegible text) inſtead of paintings on her face a ſlough of dung, which is a ſign of a ſapleſs carcaſe, occaſioned (illegible text) the ſearcity of ſcones, and a ſcantineſs of pottage.
13. O miſerable madheſs, and wicked alter(illegible text) ​occassioned through foud love, and forward kindneſs
14. What can be worſe in a houſe, than a horned good-wife, and a hummil good-man, a ſinged cat, and burnt dog, having nothing elſe but diſpeace and a portion, which is perfect poverty.
5. Here-the good-wife’s tongue is a law, and the tongs the ſceptre of her ſupremacy, the children honour the father, as a cur doth a cow from a kail-yard. The wife with whiſpering voice calls him cuckold, and all our children may ſay amen, our mother’s a whore.
16. And this is the ſweeteſt of all muſic in the ears of Old Nick; when the good wife’s paſſion like a flame breaks out againſt her huſband, and he with vicious blows and impous rage gives her a double downcome which is commonly called next to murder, if not ſo.
17. Now are the flames of fleshly love quenched, and their charity towards each other, become as cold as clay; their former love is ſmothered to death in the ſmoke of their helliſh wrath, and pride is fallen into the bottomleſs pit, the place from whence it came.
ADVERTISEMENT Oysz, Oytz, Oycz.
BE it known to all poor, proud, and prideful people that they may mourn till the ſurrow mend them, for deacon Pride, the Devil’s dominie, who is fallen from the top of the high tower of Vanity, into the deep ditch of diſgrace; his clothing being of (illegible text) has licked up all the motes of miſery and (illegible text) on the one ſide, and diſgrace on the other; (illegible text) before him, and behind him a (illegible text)at his buttocks becauſe they were bare.
And it is (illegible text) me, and many others, that he shall never have confidence to ſet up his daft-like face among honeſt well-thinking people any more on the country; ſo we of the Tinclarian Sect will oppoſe his doctrine, and ſend the Dominie to be his Diviner.
F I N I S.
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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