# The Unpopular History of the United States by Uncle Sam Himself/Chapter 13

XIII
“ON TO CANADA!”
Every freeborn American has an inalienable and constitutional right to shoot off his mouth whenever he gets ready, loaded with cannister, shrapnel, or blanks—generally blanks. Immediately the War of 1812 broke out, satchel-mouthed patriots raised the cry of “On to Canada!”
“On to Canada!” “On to Canada!” they shouted at every crossroads and every street ​corner. Passionate orators, who meant to stay at home, demanded instant invasion. Our statesmen on the hill, profoundly blind as to what was needed against the disciplined foe, decided offhand that a small body of volunteers and militia would suffice. Kittens get their eyes open at the end of nine days. Statesmen are not kittens.
General Isaac Hull must have known better. He was a tried hero of the Revolution, an experienced veteran, and close personal friend of George Washington. Yet in July, General Hull, with a picked force of 300 regulars and 1,500 militia started “On to Canada!” He crossed over from Detroit to the Canadian side. The populace behind him clamored “On to Canada!” so General Hull went on. But he returned instantly, without inflicting the slightest damage or accomplishing a solitary result. Having regained his own side of the river, he took shelter in the American fort at Detroit. The British force could not comprehend his subtle strategy. It roused their curiosity. They wanted to find ​out why. So the British General Brock, being an inquisitive person, followed General Hull, invaded our territory and bottled up Hull in his fort at Detroit. Now remember, my son, General Hull lay snug, in a well fortified position, with some 1,800 men. The British commander having landed on American soil, with 1,320 men, refused to believe his own eyes when the Americans hoisted a white flag over their fort, and surrendered a superior force inside to an inferior force outside—and without even popping a cap. By this fiasco we Americans lost control of the entire northwest country, together with all the advantage of the initiative, which passed into British hands. Furthermore, their unexpected and easy success brought to the British standard nearly every Indian in all that region.
My son, what are you beginning to think about this proposition of a single-handed American farmer licking ten of any other nation on the globe?
Remember this British officer’s name, ​General Brock. You’ll hear of him again. At that time he had only 1,320 regulars. Yet he very easily got Detroit, and the whole northwestern country, for a Christmas gift. Presently we shall count the cost, in men and money, to dislodge the redcoats.
What a howl went up from “On to Canada!” promoters. Every crossroads oracle expressed his opinion, his personal opinion. They accused General Hull of treason, they charged him with cowardice, they called him bad names, and convened a court martial to prove it. In spite of the Revolutionary hero’s vigorous defense, the court martial actually convicted him of cowardice, although acquitting him of the treason.
How did General Hull explain it? By saying that he began his march with the Fourth United States Regiment, consisting of 300 effective men, and was joined by 1,200 militia at Urbana. “After the disposition was made for the march, I was informed that part of the militia refused to obey the order. I directed their own officers to give them positive orders ​to march, and informed them if they did not obey, the Fourth United States Regiment would be sent to compel them. They still refused, and a part of the Fourth Regiment was marched to their station. Then they obeyed.”
Fair-minded men were convinced that Hull’s surrender was caused by the fact that the larger portion of his recruits were unfit, unreliable, and insubordinate. A mutinous spirit prevailed among the men, the authority of their officers was not sufficient to command obedience, and nothing but the bayonets of the Fourth Regular Regiment could have any effect.
It was considered that General Hull’s long and disheartening experience with raw militia preyed upon his mind and might possibly have caused him to surrender when there was no real necessity. If so, what a travesty, that the gray-haired and gallant officer should be placed in such position.
Were it not so humiliating, the details of this blunder would be amusing. One hundred and eighty of Hull’s recruits, who had so ​gayly started “On to Canada!” balked at their own side of the river, because it was unconstitutional for militia to serve outside the United States, which recalls the sensible old song,
“Mother, may I go in to swim? Yes, my darling daughter. Hang your clothes on a hickory limb, But don’t go near the water.”
That’s an American joke and everybody can understand it. But what the British did to the recruits who were captured was no joke to Americans. General Brock added the stinging insult to Hull’s surrender by sending all United States regulars as prisoners to Montreal. The volunteers and militia he simply turned loose. Why shouldn’t he turn loose such harmless persons? Volunteers and militia were utterly useless to their own government, constituted no peril to the British, and were not worth feeding in captivity. This contempt subsequently reacted upon the British at New Orleans.