# Memoirs of James Hardy Vaux/Volume 1/Chapter 7

CHAPTER VII.
IN a few days, the frigate being completely equipped, was cast off from alongside the Carolina, and all hands being on board, we dropped down to the Nore, from whence we sailed for Yarmouth Roads, where the admiral of the North Sea fleet was then lying; soon after which we put to sea, on a cruise off the coast of Holland. I immediately applied myself assiduously to the study of navigation, in which I was so successful, that I was in a few weeks capable of keeping a dead reckoning. It was required of the midshipmen to deliver in daily at noon, an account of the ships course, distance, &c., performed in the last 24 hours. These different calculations, deduced from the remarks on the log-board, were presented to the captain, who, on a comparison ​of the whole, formed his opinion of the several operators' ingenuity, and praised or censured accordingly. I had the satisfaction to find that my performances were generally approved of, and gained me much applause from their correctness. This success was probably owing to the advantages I possessed over most of my companions, in point of education, improved by extensive practice in figures, and to a closeness of application arising from my experience in the world, of which they (whose acquirements were merely scholastic) were incapable. I was remarked also for the neatness and perspicuity with which I kept my log-book and journal, which I never suffered, like many others, to be in arrears. I was not quite so happy in my efforts to become a good practical sailor. I learnt indeed, with great facility, the names and uses of every rope in the ship, and could apply to them without hesitation on all occasions, and I had a correct idea of the manoeuvres necessary in tacking, wearing, reefing, &c., as far as theory extended; but unhappily my constitution being naturally delicate, and my nerves uncommonly weak, I found myself much embarrassed, when duty or inclination prompted me to go aloft, on which occasions I was subject to a giddiness in my head, which rendered my situation extremely perilous, and though I endeavoured by perseverance to overcome this weakness, I could never totally banish the timidity with which I was affected. On this account, though ​I continued indefatigable in every other point of my duty, I desisted, particularly in blowing weather, from ascending "the high and giddy mast;" and I am firmly persuaded that it is only by going to sea at a very tender age, that youth in general are rendered callous to danger, and insensible of those fears, to which I was at all times more or less subject. It is also probable that the various excesses in which I had indulged since I first quitted my friends, had contributed to impair a constitution naturally fragile, and to relax still more the nervous system. Our first cruise produced no incident worth notice. We maintained our station, when the weather would permit, off the Texel, and were frequently so near the land, that we could distinguish and count the Dutch fleet, lying at anchor in that harbour, from our mast-head: but Mynheer was not disposed to put to sea, of which event we were ordered to convey immediate intelligence to the admiral. The winter was now approaching, and there was every appearance of its proving unusually inclement. During this cruise, we lay-to for twenty-one successive days, in a tremendous gale from the N. E., with only a storm jib, and fly-sail set; and although we were in no immediate danger, having good sea-room, and a tight ship, I found my ardour for a sea-faring life considerably abated. I was obliged to turn out of a warm bed at 12 or 4 o'clock in each night, to take my watch, the hardship of which duty ​was a severe penance upon me. The excessive cold, added to loss of rest, produced a drowsiness which rendered me incapable of resisting the inclination I felt to sleep, whenever I could retire to a private spot unobserved; which was generally in the long-boat, under a gun carriage, or some such hiding place. I was, however, frequently discovered in my retreat, by accident, or by the mischievous information of some watch-mate, whose hardy frame was proof against fatigue. On those occasions the lieutenant of the watch would order the rest of the midshipmen to throw a horse-bucket of salt-water over me, which did not fail to awaken me quickly: but on starting up, shivering and amazed, I could never ascertain the perpetrators of this ablution, who having disappeared, would come up to me, very gravely condoling on my misfortune, which they stated to proceed from a grampus having blown over me from alongside. This piece of sea wit, which I soon understood, produced a general laugh at my expense; however I was as ready at other times to practise the same exploit upon some other unlucky sleeper; and my chief consolation was, that the farce always ended with the sufferer being ordered to take off his wet clothes, and turn in to his hammock, which sometimes saved two or three hours on deck. At other times, sleeping on our watch, or other instanced of remissness in duty, were not so slightly passed over; we were sometimes sentenced ​to sit on top the main-top-mast head, for two, four, and sometimes eight hours; at other times to sit on the weather cat-head, exposed to a cutting wind; and other similar punishments, depending on the humour or severity of the officer of the watch. In addition to the hardships and fatigues of duty, I began to find my situation in the mess grow daily more irksome. I soon perceived that a midshipman's birth (or mess-room) is an epitome of the world at large, the weaker party goes to the wall, and is subject to many insults and impositions from those who are his superiors in seniority, strength, or interest. There were also frequent instances of intrigue and treachery; and as among so many persons there must be various dispositions, there were not wanting envious and malicious minds, whose delight was in fomenting mischief and detraction. Being naturally of a peaceable turn, hating nothing so much as a life of dissension, and abhorring tyranny of every description, I now wished myself emancipated from this state of bondage, as to me it seemed; and I discovered, when too late, that "all is not gold that glitters," and that the situation of a midshipman (which I had once considered the summum bonum of honour and happiness) was not, any more than others, wholly free from care and inquietude. However I continued to weather the gale, as well as I could; and conscious of the rectitude of my intentions, suffered patiently those little mortifications I had not power to avert.
​After a cruise of two months, we returned to port, when I had the pleasure of hearing from my respected friends in S——shire. Our stay in Yarmouth roads was short; we put to sea again in company with several smaller vessels, of which our captain was commodore. A violent storm, however, soon dispersed our little squadron, and we at length with much difficulty gained the river Humber, from whence we returned to Yarmouth. During this winter we were continually at sea, except for very short intervals; and the oldest seaman in the ship declared they had never known a more tempestuous season. Several fine frigates, sloops, brigs, &c., were lost in the North Sea, and on the northern coasts of England. My hardships, of course, rather increased than diminished, and I heartily repented the step I had taken; not that I disliked the service, or the mode of living on ship-board; but I found myself unequal to the duty of watching, &c., and was also uncomfortably situated with respect to my messmates, whose manners and ideas of enjoyment did not coincide with mine. The notion of finding pleasure in books was ridiculed by them; and I was sometimes told that I ought to have been a parson; but it was agreed on all sides, that I was better adapted for a clerk than a sailor. These hints and suggestions were not thrown away upon me; I felt the force of their justice, and longed for an opportunity of ameliorating my situation which at length, to my great joy, unexpectedly occurred.
​The captain's clerk I have before mentioned was, by the interest of Captain Dacres, promoted to the rank of purser; and as soon as this was known, my brother Mids unanimously advised me, in the sea phrase, to "bear up" for a scribe; meaning to quit my present station, and petition the captain to receive me as his clerk. I took this advice, and was happy enough to succeed. As I had spent much of my time with my predecessor, and took pleasure in observing his various public accompts, in the execution of which I had often assisted him, I required but little instruction to enable me to undertake this office.
I must not omit to notice here, a laughable incident, consequent on my dereliction. The midshipmen in general, on the day of my appointment, surrounded me in our cabin, and with great ceremony, proceeded to cut off the weekly accompts from the coat I had on; proclaiming, at the same time, that I had now assumed a different character, and had no further right to the honourable uniform of a Mid. I was obliged, therefore, to have this appendage taken from every coat and jacket I possessed.
​Behold me now once more, in my own sphere! Though I had relinquished the hope of ever becoming an admiral, yet here was another field for promotion opened for me. After a service of two years, I might obtain a purser's warrant, which, though a less honourable station than the former, is perhaps more lucrative, and certainly less exposed to danger.
I had now a commodious cabin to myself, in which I was free from interruption, only frequenting the mess cabin at meal times, or when I was inclined for company. I slept peaceably in my cot, while my former companions were exposed to the wind and weather upon deck. As to the duties of my office, they were merely a source of pleasing amusement to, me: I soon became expert in their performance; and my attention gained me the esteem of both captain and purser.
It is needless to trouble the reader with a journal of the ship's proceedings, during the remainder of the time I continued in her; it may suffice to state briefly, that we took many cruises in the North Sea, in the course of which we visited the Orkney Isles, Leith Roads, the River Humber, Osely Bay, Robin Hood's Bay, Harwich Harbour, and other anchorages on the coasts of England and Scotland, to which we were driven by stress of weather, or other causes. In one of our cruises, we captured a beautiful French lugger privateer, of fourteen guns, and ​fifty-eight men, belonging to Dunkirk, after a chase of three hours, in a gale of wind, in which, we went at the rate of thirteen and a half knots per hour, under a fore-sail and close reefed main top-sail only. During the ensuing summer, being appointed to convoy above three hundred sail of merchantmen to the Baltic Sea, we lay for several weeks, at Elsineur, in Denmark; at which place I went on shore, and had some pleasant rambles into the, adjacent country, visiting Copenhagen which is twenty miles distant. I also viewed the interior of that ancient castle, celebrated by Shakspeare in the tragedy of Hamlet, and many other local curiosities.
The following spring, the Astræa was ordered up the river Thames, for the purpose of receiving on board two hundred thousand pounds in specie, which she was to convey to Cuxhaven, for the use of the Hamburgh merchants. We accordingly came to an anchor at Greenhithe, sixteen miles from London; and while the ship was undergoing some little repairs, I obtained leave of absence for three days, of which I availed myself to visit London, with the view of having a short cruise in that region of pleasure. As I had lately received both pay and prize-money, and had also been economical of what my relations had occasionally remitted me, I was well provided for the purpose.
On the first night of my arrival in town, I went, of course, to the play, where I was struck with the ​appearance of a very interesting young Cyprian, whom I immediately accosted, and after the performance, attended to her apartments in Bury-Street, St. James's. Here every thing was upon the most elegant scale, and I was so well pleased with my quarters as well as with the lady, that I did not stir tack or sheet (except on short excursions of pleasure in which she accompanied me) until the expiration of my liberty, and then it was with much reluctance, I could tear myself from this fascinating fair one. I was the more charmed with her, as she exhibited a generosity of mind, seldom met with in females of her description: and though she might have extracted from me my last shilling, yet she was so far from being mercenary, that my expenses, considering the enjoyments I had experienced, were comparatively trifling. I returned, then, to my ship in due time, but still the thoughts of the lovely Miss K———e incessantly recurred, and prevented my enjoying a moment's peace. My anxiety was increased by receiving a most affectionate letter from her, within three days, according to a promise she had given me at parting, in which she earnestly requested my leave to visit me on board prior to our sailing. To this I would not, however, consent, but gave a sort of conditional promise, almost indeed amounting to a positive one, that I would see her again in town.
About a week after my return from London, I ​resolved to pay a second visit to my inamorata; but as we were now ready for sea, and expected the specie on board every hour, it was in vain to solicit leave. I therefore determined to go ashore early as if to spend the day, which, the whole of the petty officers were allowed to do in turn. My intention was to go post to London, and after a day and a night's pleasure, to return on board early the next morning, as I could easily frame some excuse for staying ashore all night.
From some secret presentiment, however, which I conceived at the moment I was about to step in the jolly-boat, I hurried down to my chest, and hastily filling a clothes-bag with linen, gave it to one of the boys, as if to take to the washerwoman, and immediately quitted His Majesty's ship Astræa (as the event proved) never more to return. I procured a man to carry my bag to Dartford, a post town three miles from Greenhithe, and fifteen from London; from whence I took a chaise, and in less than two hours found myself in the arms of my fair enslaver. In order to give the reader leisure to reflect on the blindness of mankind to their own welfare, and to revile me in particular, as I deserve, for this mad and unjustifiable conduct, I shall put an end to this Chapter.