# Letters of a Javanese princess/Chapter 10

X
23 August, 1900.
YOUR encouragment is a support—it strengthens me. I will, I shall obtain my freedom. I will, Stella, I will! Do you understand that? But how shall I be able to win it, if I do not strive? How shall I be able to find it, if I do not seek? Without strife there can be no victory. I shall strive, and I shall win. I am not afraid of the burdens and difficulties; I feel strong enough to overcome them, but there is one thing I am afraid to face squarely.
Stella, I have often told you that I love Father dearly. I do not know whether I shall have the courage to carry my will through, if it would break his heart, which is full of love for us.
I love him unspeakably, my old grey Father—old and grey through care for us—for me. And if one of us should be condemned to unhappiness, let me be the one. Here lurks egoism, for I could never be happy, even if I had freedom, even if I gained my independence, if in attaining them, I had made Father miserable.
In thinking over Javanese and European conditions and comparing them with one another, one can easily see that it is hardly better there than here in so far as the morality of the men is concerned, and that women are unfortunate there as here, with this difference, however, that the great majority there, of their own free will follow the man in the marriage bond; while here the women have no say at all in the matter, ​but are simply married out of hand, according to the will of their parents, to whomsoever those powerful ones shall find good. In the Mohammedan world the approval, yes, even the presence of the woman is not necessary at a marriage. Father can come home any day at all and say to me, "You are married to so and so." I must then follow my husband. It is true I can refuse, but that gives the man the right to chain me to him for my whole life, without ever having come near me. I am his wife although I will not follow him, and if he will not allow me to be divorced, then I am bound to him all my life, while he is free to do as he pleases. He may marry as many women as he chooses without being concerned in the least about me. If Father should marry me off in this manner then I should find a way out at the beginning, one way or another. But then Father would never do that. God has created woman as the companion of man and the calling of woman is marriage. Good! it is not to be denied, and I gladly acknowledge that the highest happiness for a woman is, and shall be centuries after us, a harmonious union with the man of her choice. But how can one speak of a harmonious union as our marriage laws are now? I have tried to picture them to you. Must I not for myself, hate the idea of marriage, scorn it, when by it the woman is so cruelly wronged? No, fortunately every Mohammedan has not four wives or more, but every married woman in our world knows that she is not the only one, and that any day the man's fancy can bring a companion home, who will have just as much right to him as she. According to the Mohammedan law she is also his wife. In the Government countries, the women have not such a hard time as their sisters in those ruled by the princes, as in Soerakarta and Djokjakarta. Here the women are fortunate with only one, two, three or four co-wives. There, in the ​ princes' countries, the women would call that child's play. One finds there hardly a single man with but one wife. Among the nobility, especially in the circle surrounding the emperor, the men have usually twenty-six women.
Shall these conditions endure, Stella?
Our people have grown so accustomed to them, and moreover they see no other way in which every woman would be provided for. But in her heart almost every woman that I know curses this right of the man. But curses never help ; something must be done.
Come, women, girls, stand up; let us reach our hands to one another, and let us work together to change this unbearable situation.
Yes, Stella, I know it; in Europe, too, the state of morality among men is tragic. I say with you, teach the young men to turn their backs upon temptation and deplorable, half -acknowledged customs, and to feel disgraced at the existence of those short-sighted girls who follow men not ignorantly into the places where life is sordid. Yes certainly the young mothers could do most there, I have already maintained that to my sisters.
I should so love to have children, boys and girls to nourish and to form after my own heart. But above all things I should never follow the unhappy custom of putting boys before girls. We have no right to be surprised at the egoism of men when we consider how as children they are placed above the girls, their sisters. Even as a child a man is taught to despise girls. Have I not many times heard mothers say to their boys when they would fall and cry: "Fie, a boy cry just like a girl!"
I should teach my children, boys and girls, to regard one another as equal human beings and give them always the same education; of course following the natural disposition of each. ​ I should not allow my girl, although I wished to make a new woman of her, to study as though she had no other desire in life; nor would I cut her off in anything so that her brother could have more. Never!
And then I should let down the bars which have been so foolishly erected between the two sexes. I am convinced that when this is done much good will come of it, especially to the men. I shall never believe that educated and cultivated men designedly avoid the society of women who are their equals in education and enlightenment, to throw themselves deliberately into the arms of disreputable women. While many men seek the society where cultivated ladies are to be found, there is a vast army who cannot take the slightest interest in a girl without thinking of sex. Now all this will disappear when men and women can mingle freely together from childhood.
You say, "We girls could do much toward bringing young men upon the good path, but we know so little of their lives." Everything will change with time, but here in Java we stand only on the threshold of the new age. Must we not go through all the corresponding stages of development, through which you have already passed in Europe?
Among my new treasures I have "Het Jongetje" by Borel. A delightful book. Many here think it sickly and over-drawn. But to me; it is sickly not at all, and over-drawn even less. There may not be many like Borel's little boy, but I know at least one. The child of the Assistant-Resident is Borel's boy personified. Once he said to Kardinah "Tante, I like girls so much. Girls smile so indolently. They are quite, quite different from boys; they are so sweet, so soft." A little fellow of five said this. He bit Kardinah's arm once, saying, "Tante ​why are women so soft?" Then he bit his own arm and said, "Though I am so little, yet I am a man, that is the reason I am hard."
He is such a lovely child, with great dreamy eyes and brown curling hair. Before he came here he made our acquaintance at Soerabaja through our portraits.
His mother told him that they were going to the place where his dear aunts lived. The child thought that he must marry and asked "Maatje, must I marry all three or only one of them?"
When he came here and saw us, his mother said to him, "Well, little brother, have you chosen which one of the aunts you will marry?"
"Maatje, I cannot choose, for I love all three just the same."
The dear little angel then turned to each one of us and said, "I love you, I love you, I love you. Yes, I love the whole world for everything is good, everything is beautiful."
If this had been told me by some one else, I should not have believed it, but I saw and heard it with my own eyes and ears.
The subject which Mevrouw van Suylen-Tromp wishes to have treated is the "The life of the Native Woman." On that I had rather not write just yet. I have far too much to say, and could not possibly make an orderly whole of it now. In a few years perhaps, when I shall have learned more, I shall undertake it.
Now the thoughts blow and whirl through my brain like falling leaves that are driven by the wind. What a comparison, eh? ··········
The mornings are magnificent now and so are the evenings, but in the middle of the day I should like to do nothing but lie in the water, if that were not so warm. We enjoy the mornings so much, nature is then splendidly fresh and beautiful. We wander around the garden where everything is blooming and fragrant. It is truly a pleasure to ​be out of doors in the morning. If you could only wander around with us; or do you not care for flowers and plants? Mother has her vegetable garden, and we our flower and rose garden; this last is next to our room, and when there is a full moon it is so idylic out there. The sisters bring their guitars and sit under the flowering shrubs and make music. After the concert, we sit idly, sometimes chattering and laughing. ··········
Your indignation over the treatment which my two educated and enlightened fellow countrymen had to endure, did me good. But believe me, they are not all stupid men who conduct themselves so scornfully toward the Javanese. I have met persons who are far from stupid, who even belong to the aristocracy of the mind, but are so haughty and over-bearing that they do not like to be in the same house with me.
Too often we are made to feel that we Javanese are not really human beings at all. How do the Netherlanders expect to be loved by us when they treat us so? Love begets love, but scorn never yet aroused affection. We have many friends among the Hollanders whom we love dearly, even more than we do friends of our own race. They have taken the trouble to try and understand us, and they have won our love. We shall never forget that we have to thank the Hollanders for the awakening of our minds, for our civilization. They may wrong us, but we will like them because we owe them so much.
People may say of the Javanese what they will, but they can never say with truth that they have not hearts. They have them manifestly and they know how to be grateful for benefits, whether they are of a material or of an intellectual kind, although their unmovable ​countenances change not one jot to betray their inward emotion. But I shall never have to tell you, I am sure, that all creatures of whatever colour, are human beings, just as much as you yourself.
I am happy because I have been able to know you. I shall not let you go, Stella. I love you so much that I do not know what would become of my life, if, as God forbid, we should ever become separated. As though the wide ocean were not already between us! But spirits among whom there is great sympathy know no distance; they bridge the widest seas and most far-away lands to commune with one another. Letters too are splendid. Blessed be he who first invented them!
A week ago we had a visit from the Director of Education, Service and Industry, and his wife from Batavia — and Stella, rejoice with me, the Director came here especially to see Father and to ask his advice personally about the erection of the native school for girls which the Government is planning.
I was sick and miserable, not only from bodily pain, but misery of soul. But Stella, I believed that my dream of freedom was on the point of realization when Father gave me the Director's letter. That letter cured me entirely. It did me such infinite good to know that in Batavia one of the highest officials of the Government had a heart for the Javanese, and for the Javanese woman.
Soon aftenvards Mama came to look for me, and she found her daughter in tears; I was so happy, so thankful.
Before he came I had the greatest desire to see him alone, if only for a moment, just to express something of what I felt.
And he came — but not alone — his wife was with him. Stella, never in our lives have we made such a charming acquaintance! I had already great sympathy for him, because I knew why he was coming; and the sympathy grew, when I saw him ride into our grounds on the ​front seat of the carriage with his wife on the back seat, and next to her Father who had met them at the station.
I knew that Father would never have sat there without being pressed. You would have seen nothing remarkable in this, and you will laugh at me when I say that it impressed me very much, because it spoke of the modesty of the Director, and told me that he was a stranger to all the self important airs and painful respect which so many officials here demand. I was accustomed to seeing Father on the left side of Resident or Assistant Resident, never mind how much younger the latter might be.
But not only I, Europeans even are seriously annoyed by the silly regulations of rank here. The newly arrived European officials and the Regents take their places upon chairs while the cold ground covered (and sometimes uncovered) with a bamboo mat, is good enough for a native wedono, who has grown grey in the service.
The most petty European sits upon a chair, while native officials of any age, who are below the rank of regent, though they are often of distinguished ancestry, must sit upon the floor in their presence.
It certainly does not please the heart to see a grey wedono creep upon the ground before a young aspirant, a youth who may have just left the school benches. But enough of that, it was only to explain why the courtesy of the Director, a man of such high authority, struck me so forcibly.
He asked Father where he thought the girls' school ought to be erected, whether in West, Middle or East Java.
O Stella, how my ears and eyes tingled and my heart beat with joy to hear that. At last we are to have light in our poor dark woman's world.
While Mijnheer talked to Father, Mevrouw talked to us. We drew near to her with such pleasure. She told me of the plan of her husband, and asked what I thought of it.
"A splendid idea, Mevrouw, which will be a blessing to the native women, but it would be a still greater blessing, if the girls were also given an opportunity to learn a vocation, that would place them in a position to make their own way in life, if after receiving an education, they should feel reluctant to go back into their old environment. And the woman whose spirit has been awakened, whose outlook has been broadened might not be able to live again in the world of her ancestors.
She will have been taught what f reelom means, and then shut up in a dungeon; taught to fly and then imprisoned in a cage. No, no, the truly enlightened woman could not possibly feel happy in our native environment, not as long as it remains as it is. There is only one road in life open for the native girl, and that is 'marriage.' And what marriage means among our people cannot be unknown to you, who have been so long in Java. Oh, we think it is splendid that your husband wishes to give girls advantages and education, but let that last be also a vocational education, and then your husband will truly have showered blessings upon our native world."
"Do you hear that?" she said enthusiastically to her husband. "This young lady asks vocational training for native girls."
Astonished, he turned to me and said, "Really, do you ask vocational ​training for girls? How would you arrange it? But tell us what you would like to be yourself?"
I felt all eyes fastened upon me; those of my parents burned into my face. I cast down my own eyes. There was a buzzing and roaring in my ears, but above it I seemed to hear the words "Kartini be brave, do not waver."
"But tell me what do you wish to be?
"I know you wish to become a writer; but you do not have to be educated especially for that, you can become that by yourself."
Alas, for study I am too late; but at least I may "Raise my eyes on high and go humbly and quietly forward."
Mevrouw spoke to me for a long time about what you and I have discussed so often — "Woman." When we bade each other "Good-night," and were going to bed, she took my hands in both of hers, pressed them warmly and said "Little friend, we shall discuss this again some time; meanwhile I shall write to you often; will you do the same to me?"
The following morning we went with her part of the way, and during the three hours that we sat with her in the carriage she and I told each other so much. Although it was twelve o'clock when we separated the evening before, she had told her husband everything that she had learned from us.
"0 Regent," she cried again and again, "Give me one of your daughters, let her come to Batavia with me. Do let this young lady come to visit me; I shall come and fetch her myself."
They wish us to come to Batavia to plead our cause, and the cause of the native woman, in person before the high authorities. Oh, Stella, pray that if it should come to pass I shall be able to plead well.
At parting she said to me, "Be brave, have faith and courage, this cannot last for ever, some way will be found, be brave!"
Stella, am I dreaming or waking? Is there a happy future for us? Is it possible to hope that our dream is coming true? She has told me more but I dare not tell you now. It is still so far away, but it shines and beams before me like a star of hope. Later, Stella dear, when I have it in my arms and hold it tight, so that it cannot slip away, you shall know what it is. I have asked my sisters if I were really alive; I felt so unspeakably happy. Pray for me, dearest, that this may be no illusion, no empty mirage, that would be terrible.
When the Director saw our work, painting, embossing, etc., he asked if it would not be possible in a year's time for us to have an exhibition. He was sorry that we had not sent more to the French exposition.
The next morning he said that he would speak to influential people at Batavia and see if an exposition of native work could not be arranged there for next year. "You must send a great deal of what you have shown us."
O Stella I could not speak; I turned to him and to her with tears in my eyes.
We felt as though we were in a dream, there was no yesterday — no to-morrow for us; only the joyous, splendid day existed. It made me dizzy, made me afraid! What if these dreams and illusions should vanish like smoke!
When I came home, I took up my pen at once to write to our friend Mevrouw Ovink. A few days ago I sent her a cry of despair, and my dear Moedertje must know that her daughter is happy again. I ​ have told her nothing of what I have written here for you alone, I have only told her that I felt happy and full of the joy of life.
But I have told you everything, with just one exception, although you have a right to that too. For you have comforted me when I was in despair; your enthusiasm has given me strength, when I was weak. Stella, if I can ever do anything for my sisters in Java, it will be solely and only because of you.
I told you that Mevrouw Ter Horst invited me to write for her paper on the condition of the native woman; she believed that I was too reserved and suggested a form herself under which I could treat the subject: "A Talk between Two Regents' Daughters." She on her part will do everything to further the good cause.
I have Father's permission, Stella. So much lies under my hand; God grant that I can bring it to maturity.
All too often I write sketchy, commonplace things taken from our own lives. One of them appeared in the "Echo." As pseudonym I chose "Tiga Soedara" (The Three Sisters), although we three are one. Soon the identity of "Tiga Soedara" was discovered, and there was a notice about my work in the Locomotief (a daily paper here in India).
I found it tiresome; I should gladly have kept my writing secret; I do not like to be discussed. It may sound ungracious, but truly I did not deserve so many compliments. Still that notice in the paper had its good side too, and a very good one at that, for the next month two numbers of a new newspaper for natives were sent to Father, with the request that they be given to us, and also a letter came asking for the cooperation of "Tiga Soedara."
This is the first Netherland newspaper that has been founded for natives, and I expect many blessings for my people through the Dutch language. It is like our lilies! Dutch flowers which bloom in added ​ fragrance and beauty when they are transplanted to distant India! The Echo is now the Nederlandsche Taal.
You can easily imagine that I wrote an enthusiastic letter to its editor and founder (Director of the High School at Probolingo), placing my services at his disposal
And soon a letter came from him with a list of subjects which he would like to have treated by me: the first was "Native Education for Girls"; after that "A Native Institute" and "Javanese Art." Kartini never say I cannot — but I will. I will, Stella, I will. I hope fervently that you have not over-estimated my strength. I shall do my best.
Now I shall tell you something else. We three have begun to study French out of the little books of Servaas de Bruijn. We have wrestled through most of the four volumes and we now want you to recommend to us some simple, easy French books (not School books).
Father has also given us a German grammar. When we get through with our French studies, and have German under our thumbs, we hope to begin English, if we live long enough.
We try now to read French illustrated papers, but reading and understanding are two different things; is it not true?
In the beginning we made the stupidest mistakes, but we have improved slowly and we feel in fine good humour. Roekmini declared once that she had dreamed in French, she was with Chateaubriand and in Louisiana, the beautiful country of which he wrote.
The French language has many resemblances to ours, and the "h" is exactly like ours. Our new friend said to her husband, "They are anxious to learn languages, how glad I should be to teach them myself."
Yesterday I received a letter from her; it was twenty pages long. She wrote so affectionately and said that she felt that she would see us ​ again. "Trust to the future," she wrote. And I will trust, so long as I know that I have you and her on my side. Her letter made me ashamed just as yours do; you and she think too well of me.
And yet, Stella, life is so full, of riddles and of secrets. Human beings are subject to change and it is not always from feeble character. Circumstances can come into life, which in the twinkling of an eye will turn a hero into a coward. Do not judge any deed, never mind how base it may appear, till you know all the causes which lead to it.
I have experienced much in these last days, many different emotions. First I was almost in despair because my dream of freedom seemed to lie deeply buried in the ground.
Then the friends from Batavia came and such happiness came over me that it overwhelmed me; I was as though intoxicated! and then I was frightened and awakened by a pain so heavy that I thought I should not be able to breathe; that was not on account of myself, but of another whom I love with my whole soul.
Why must happiness and misery follow one another so quickly? Poor dear Father, he has suffered so much, and life still brings him new disappointments. Stella, my Father has no one but his children. We are his joy, his consolation, his all. I love my freedom, the idea is always with me and the fate of my sisters goes to my heart; I would be ready for any sacrifice by which good could come to them. I should only look on it as happiness — the greatest happiness that could ever come to me in life. But my Father is dearer to me than all these put together.
I have not the courage to wound diat true heart that beats so warmly for me, and to make it bleed again; for it has bled all too much already and I myself have not been altogether without guilt.
You say that you cannot understand why every one must marry. You say to oppose that "must" with "will"; as for me I should certainly say it in so far as others are concerned, but never in opposition to Father; especially now, that I know what heavy grief oppresses him. Whatever I shall have to do will not be looked upon as compulsory because of a "must" but as something which I freely take upon myself for his sake.
I write, paint and do everything because Father takes pleasure in it. I shall work hard and try my best to do something good so that he may be proud of me. You may call me foolish, morbid, but I cannot help it. I should be miserable if Father should set himself against my plan of freedom, but I should be still more miserable if my dearest wishes should be fulfilled and at the same time, I should lose Father's love.
But I shall never lose that; I will not believe it possible, though I could break his heart. From any one he could endure disappointment better than from me. Because perhaps he loves me a little more than the others, and I love him so dearly.
* ↑ To Meiuffrouw Zeehandelaar.
* ↑ Government countries under the direct administration of the Dutch-Indian Government.
* ↑ Henri Borel, novelist and journalist bom in 1869. Also noted as an authority on Chinese art and literature. The author of "Kwan Yin," "Da Laatse Incarnatie," "Het Jongetje," etc.
* ↑ An "aspirant" is the lowest in rank among the Dutch ofBcials in Java.