# Diamonds To Sit On/Chapter 20

Contents
CHAPTER XX
THE AUCTION
THE auction began at five o'clock. People were allowed to inspect the goods between four and five. Bender and Hippolyte were there at three, and for a whole hour they waited in the motor exhibition next door.
'I think we shall be able to buy this little car tomorrow,' said Bender. 'It is a pity there is no price on it. After all, it would be rather nice to have a car of our own.'
Hippolyte was rather depressed. Nothing would comfort him but the chairs, and as soon as the doors were opened he went into the auction-room and stood by the chairs. The auction began and the two friends stood in the fourth row to the right. Hippolyte grew very excited. He imagined that the chairs would be put up for sale at once, but they were Number 43 on the list and the usual things of no value were being sold first: a sauceboat, a silver stand, a landscape, a bead bag, a bust of Napoleon, and a new wick for a 'Primus' stove.
They had to be patient and wait, but it was very difficult for them to do so, for the chairs were there; the goal was so near that they could almost touch it.
'What an auction there would be,' thought Bender, 'if they only knew what was inside that chair!'
'A figure representing Justice!' shouted the auctioneer, 'made of bronze, in perfect condition. Five roubles. What offers? Six and a half on my right. Seven at the back of the room. Eight in the first row. Eight roubles. Eight roubles. Going! Going!
Eight roubles. Gone!'
A young woman went up to the man in the front row ​134
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
to take his money and to give him a receipt. The auctioneer’s hammer rose and fell many times. The suspense was unbearable. ‘ A bronze bust of Alexander III. Could be used as a paper-weight. I must say it’s not fit for much else ! ’ The public laughed. Hippolyte did not take his eyes off the chairs. ‘ Ten chairs from the Palace,’ shouted the auctioneer. ' Why from the Palace ? ’ asked Hippolyte. ‘ Shut up ! ’ snapped Bender. ‘ Go to the devil! Don’t interrupt ! ’ ' Ten chairs from the Palace. Walnut, Alexander II period, in perfect condition, the work of Gambs. . . . Basil, pass me one of the chairs.’ Basil handled the chair so roughly that Hippolyte jumped up from his seat. ‘ Sit down, you idiot ! ’ hissed Bender. ‘ You’re an absolute pest 1 Sit down 1 ’ Hippolyte’s lips^were trembling, and Bender’s eyes were shining. ‘ Ten walnut chairs. Eighty roubles.’ The room grew animated. This was a useful lot. One hand after another shot up. Bender kept calm. ‘ Why don’t you bid ? ’ asked Hippolyte. ‘ Leave me alone,’ retorted Bender sharply, clenching his teeth. One hundred and twenty roubles in the back row. Hundred and thirty-five also in the back row. Hundred and forty----- ’ Bender turned his back on the auctioneer and super­ ciliously examined the crowd. The auction was at its height and the room was packed. A lady just behind Bender fancied the chairs and put up her hand : ‘ What beautiful chairs, darling ! What wonderful work ! And they’re from the Palace too 1 ’ she exclaimed ecstatically. A hundred and forty-five in the fifth row to the right. Going'----​THE AUCTION
I35
No response from the room. The price was too high. ‘ A hundred and forty-five. Going----Bender was calmly examining the ceiling. Hippolyte was trembling ; his head was bent. ‘ A hundred and forty-five——’ But before the auctioneer’s hammer fell, Bender turned round, raised his right hand and said quietly : ‘ Two hundred ! ’ All eyes turned towards him, and the auctioneer looked at him intently. ‘ Two hundred. Going----- Two hundred. Are there no other bids ? Two hundred. A walnut suite from the Palace. Ten pieces. Two hundred roubles. Going . . . Going . . . Gone ! ’ Hippolyte gasped. Bender was smiling and the auctioneer shouted : ‘ Sold, miss ! That gentleman in the fourth row to the right.’ ‘ Well, marshal of nobility,’ said Bender, turning towards Hippolyte, ‘ I wonder what you would do without a keeper ? ’ Hippolyte grinned stupidly as the young woman came up to them. ‘ Did you buy the chairs ? ’ ‘ Yes ! ’ shouted Hippolyte, who had been restrain­ ing himself for so long. ‘ They’re ours ! They’re ours ! ^en can we take them away ? ’ ‘ Whenever you like. Now if you wish.’ ‘ The chairs are ours, ours, ours ! ’ Hippolyte kept saying to himself. He was delighted. He could see a train approaching the St. Gothard ; he was on the observation platform dressed in white trousers and smoking a cigar, while the petals of edelweiss were falling gently on to his head. ‘ And why two hundred and thirty and not two hundred ? ’ he heard Bender say. ‘ Fifteen per cent for commission,’ answered the young woman. ‘ All right. I suppose it can’t be helped. Take it! ’ ​136
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
Bender pulled out his pocket-book, counted two hundred roubles, and turned to Hippolyte. ‘ Come on, my friend, add thirty roubles, and hurry up. Can’t you see the young lady is waiting ? Well? ’ But Hippolyte did not make any attempt to take the money out of his pocket. ‘ Well ? What are you staring at me for ? Has it gone to your head ? ’ ' I haven’t any money,’ said Hippolyte slowly. ‘ What d’you mean you haven’t any money ? ’ ‘ I haven’t any.’ ‘ But the two hundred roubles I gave you ? ’ ' I have 1-1-lost it ! ’ Bender stared at Hippolyte. ' Come on,’ he said peremptorily. * Give me the money, you old scoundrel! ’ ' Are you—or are you not—going to pay ? ’ asked the young woman. ‘ One moment, please,’ said Bender, with a charming smile. ‘ There’s a slight hitch.’ There was still a hope left. They might be able to persuade the auctioneer to wait for the money. Suddenly Hippolyte came to his senses and said indignantly ; ‘ Excuse me, but why should there be any commission ? We knew nothing about the com­ mission. Why should we pay it ? I refuse to pay the extra amount.’
see what I can do. I’ll try and arrange the matter.’ She went back to the auctioneer and spoke to him. The auctioneer immediately stood up and said in a ringing voice : ‘ The rule is that a person who refuses to pay the full sum for any article must leave the auction-room. The sale of the chairs is invahd.’ The friends were dumbfounded. I must ask you to leave,’ said the auctioneer. The excitement was intense. The pubhc tittered ​THE AUCTION
137
malevolently, but Bender did not move. He had not experienced such a blow for a long time. ‘ I must ask you to leave the auction-room,’ said the auctioneer more firmly. The tittering became louder and louder. Bender and Hippolyte went slowly out of the room. Hippolyte went first, and with his bent shoulders and short coat he looked exactly like a dejected stork. They stopped in the next room, and from there they watched the proceedings in the auction-room through a glass door. Bender was silent. ‘ What revolting regulations ! ’ said Hippolyte timidly. ‘ It is absolutely disgusting ! They should be reported to the mUitia.’ Bender was silent. ‘ The devil only knows what they meant by it,’ con­ tinued Hippolyte heatedly. ‘ They are plunderers ! Two hundred and thirty roubles for ten old chairs ! It is abominable ! ’ ‘ Yes,’ said Bender heavily. ‘ It is abominable, isn’t it ? ’ ‘ It is.’ Bender went close up to Hippolyte, and after looking round gave him a quick and painful dig in the ribs. ‘ Take that, you old fool! ’ Hippolyte did not utter a sound. ‘ Now,’ said Bender, ' you can clear out! ’ And he turned his back on Hippolyte and continued to watch the auction. A minute later he looked round, but Hippolyte was still standing behind him. ‘ What, are you still here ? Go on ! Clear out I D’you hear ? ’ ‘ Comrade Bender! ’ pleaded Hippolyte. ‘ Comrade Bender ! ’ ‘ Be off 1 Be off ! And don’t you come to Ivanopulo’s room either or I’ll run you out I ’ ' Comrade Bender----- ’ Bender took no notice. Something so interesting ​138
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
was happening in the auction room that he quietly opened the door and listened to the proceedings. ‘ It’s no good,’ he murmured. ‘ What’s no good ? ’ asked Hippolyte obsequiously. ‘ They’re selling the chairs separately. Perhaps you would hke to buy them. . . . You can if you like. I’m not keeping you back. But I doubt if they’ll let you in. And besides, you don’t seem to have brought much money with you,’ Bender said sar­ castically. Meanwhile the auctioneer, who had felt he would not be able to get two hundred roubles out of the public so easily (it was far too large a sum for the rabble who had remained in the auction-room), had decided to get the money by dividing up the chairs into separate lots. They were again put up for auction. ' Four upholstered chairs from the Palace, walnut, the work of Gambs. Thirty roubles. Any offers ? ’ Bender suddenly became calm. His determination had returned. ' Now then, you old fool, you stop here and mind you don’t go away anywhere. I’U be back in five minutes. Keep your eyes open and see who buys them, and don’t let a single chair leave the place without watching who takes it.’ Bender had thought of a scheme, the only possible one in such difficult circumstances. He ran out into the street and had a talk with several urchins. As promised he returned to Hippolyte within five minutes. The urchins stood in readiness at the door leading to the auction-room. ‘ They’re being sold ! They’re being sold I ’ whis­ pered Hippolyte to Bender. ‘ One lot of four and one lot of two have already been sold.’ ‘ Well, you’re responsible for that,’ said Bender. ‘ You should be glad. The chairs were ours—actually ours, do you understand that ? ’ The auctioneer was shouting: ‘ And a half to my ​THE AUCTION
139
left. Three. Another chair from the Palace, walnut, in very good condition. And a half straight ahead of me. Going ! Going 1 Gone ! ’ Three chairs were sold separately, and then the auctioneer put up the last chair. Bender was almost choking with rage. Again he attacked Hippolyte. He was showering sarcastic remarks on him when he was suddenly interrupted by a man who said : ‘Tell me ’ ■—and he spoke rapidly to Bender—‘ tell me, is there an auction here ? ’ The man hurried into the auction-room and rapidly bought the last chair. He took his receipt and went up to the counter. ‘ TeU me, can I take the chair at once ? Oh, that’s splendid ! ’ The stranger hurried out of the auction-room, put the chair into a cab, and drove away. One of the urchins immediately ran after the cab. One by one the purchasers of the chairs dispersed, and were immediately followed by Bender’s young agents. Bender also left the auction-room, and Hippolyte timidly followed him. The day had seemed like a dream to him, for everything had happened so rapidly and so unexpectedly. As they approached the hostel they met Nicky, who bowed politely to Bender, and then went up to Hippolyte, who greeted him amiably. Nicky did not waste any time. ‘ Good evening,’ he said firmly, and gave him a box on the ear. ‘ That’s what happens to those who try to----- ’ Nicky did not finish his sentence, but hit out at Hippolyte again. Hippolyte raised his elbow to protect himself, and did not utter a sound. ‘ That’ll do for you,’ said Nicky, as he put his hands in his pockets and walked away towards the hostel with Bender. Hippolyte was left alone leaning against the railings ​140
DIAMONDS TO SIT ON
Presently he went up the hostel stairs and joined Bender in Ivanopulo’s room. Suddenly there was a whistle from the street and Bender went down to receive the reports of his young agents, who had managed their business splendidly. Four chairs had been taken to the Columbus Theatre, and one of the lads told him in great detail how these chairs had been taken to the theatre in a barrow, how they were unloaded and dragged into the building through the stage-door. Bender knew exactly where the theatre was. Another lad told him that two chairs had been taken away in a cab by a ‘ smart bird ’, but he was evidently not a very intelligent boy, for although he knew that the chairs had been taken to Varsonofiev Street and the flat was Number 17, he could not remember the number of the house. ‘ I ran so fast,’ said the urchin, ' that it must have flown out of my head.’ ‘ Well, you won’t get your money then,’ said the taskmaster. ‘ But I can show you where it is.’ ‘ All right. We’ll go together later on.’ The stranger who had questioned Bender was found to be living on the Sadovaya-Spaskaya Street, and Bender made a note of the exact address. The eighth chair had gone to the House of Nations. The boy who had followed that chair was very nimble, for he had overcome countless obstacles. He had even been able to get inside the house and had discovered that the chair had been bought by the Stanok news­ paper office. Two boys were still missing, but they ran up almost simultaneously, panting and tired. ‘ Barracks Street 1 ’ ' What number ? ’ ‘ Nine. Flat Number nine. Tartars living next door. Entrance through the yard. I carried the chair for them. We walked.’ ​THE AUCTION
141
The next runner brought bad news. At first all went well, and then everything went badly. The purchaser of the chair had walked into the goods yard of the October railway station, and it was absolutely impossible to follow him, because there were sentries at the gate. ‘ He has probably left Moscow,’ said the boy. This greatly upset Bender. After paying the urchins handsomely'—a rouble per head—with the exception of the one who had forgotten the house number and was told to come early the next day. Bender returned to his room and without answering Hippolyte’s questions he began to form his plans. Hippolyte was in disgrace. Nothing had been lost so far. Bender had the addresses, and there were many old and tried methods which he would use so as to get hold of the chairs: (i) Ordinary acquaintance, (2) a love intrigue, (3) acquaintance followed by theft, (4) exchange, (5) money. The last was the surest, but there was very little money. Bender looked at Hippolyte with disgust, but it was not long before his usual optimism returned. Of course they could always get hold of some money ; there was that picture he could paint; there was the tea-strainer, and his career as a polygamist. But he was worried about the tenth chair. He had a clue, but what a clue 1 It was a very vague one. ‘ Well,’ said Bender aloud, ‘ we’ve stiU got a chance —a nine to one chance. Let the good work go on ! Do you hear, you over there ? Let the good work go on 1 ’