# The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift/Volume 8/The Dean's Reasons For Not Building at Drapier's Hill

THE DEAN'S REASONS
FOR NOT BUILDING AT DRAPIER'S HILL.
I WILL not build on yonder mount: And, should you call me to account, Consulting with myself, I find, It was no levity of mind. Whatever I promis'd or intended, No fault of mine, the scheme is ended: Nor can you tax me as unsteady, I have a hundred causes ready: All risen since that flattering time, When Drapier's hill appear'd in rhyme. I am, as now too late I find, The greatest cully of mankind: The lowest boy in Martin's school May turn and wind me like a fool. How could I form so wild a vision, To seek, in deserts, Fields Elysian? To live in fear, suspicion, variance, With thieves, fanaticks, and barbarians? But here my lady will object; Your deanship ought to recollect, That, near the knight of Gosford plac'd, Whom you allow a man of taste, Your intervals of time to spend With so conversable a friend, It would not signify a pin Whatever climate you were in. 'Tis true, but what advantage comes To me from all a usurer's plumbs; ​Though I should see him twice a day, And am his neighbour cross the way; If all my rhetorick must fail To strike him for a pot of ale? Thus, when the learned and the wise Conceal their talents from our eyes, And from deserving friends withhold Their gifts, as misers do their gold; Their knowledge to themselves confin'd Is the same avarice of mind; Nor makes their conversation better, Than if they never knew a letter. Such is the fate of Gosford's knight, Who keeps his wisdom out of sight; Whose uncommunicative heart Will scarce one precious word impart: Still rapt in speculations deep, His outward senses fast asleep; Who, while I talk, a song will hum, Or, with his fingers, beat the drum; Beyond the skies transports his mind, And leaves a lifeless corpse behind. But, as for me, who ne'er could clamber high, To understand Malebranche or Cambray; Who send my mind (as I believe) less Than others do, on errands sleeveless; Can listen to a tale humdrum, And with attention read Tom Thumb; My spirits with my body progging, Both hand in hand together jogging; Sunk over head and ears in matter, Nor can of metaphysicks smatter; Am more diverted with a quibble Than dream of words intelligible; ​And think all notions too abstracted Are like the ravings of a crackt head; What intercourse of minds can be Betwixt the knight sublime and me, If when I talk, as talk I must, It is but prating to a bust? Where friendship is by Fate design'd, It forms a union in the mind: But here I differ from the knight In every point, like black and white; For none can say that ever yet We both in one opinion met: Not in philosophy, or ale; In state affairs, or planting cale; In rhetorick, or picking straws; In roasting larks, or making laws; In publick schemes, or catching flies; In parliaments, or pudding pies. The neighbours wonder why the knight Should in a country life delight, Who not one pleasure entertains To cheer the solitary scenes: His guests are few, his visits rare; Nor uses time, nor time will spare; Nor rides, nor walks, nor hunts, nor fowls, Nor plays at cards, or dice, or bowls; But, seated in an easy chair, Despises exercise and air. His rural walks he ne'er adorns; Here poor Pomona sits on thorns: And there neglected Flora settles Her bum upon a bed of nettles. Those thankless and officious cares I us'd to take in friends' affairs, ​From which I never could refrain, And have been often chid in vain: From these I am recover'd quite, At least in what regards the knight. Preserve his health, his store increase; May nothing interrupt his peace! But now let all his tenants round First milk his cows, and after, pound: Let every cottager conspire To cut his hedges down for fire: The naughty boys about the village His crabs and sloes may freely pillage: He still may keep a pack of knaves To spoil his work, and work by halves; His meadows may be dug by swine, It shall be no concern of mine: For why should I continue still To serve a friend against his will?