# Preparation for death/XXIII. THE DELUSIONS WHICH THE DEVIL PUTS IN THE MIND OF SINNERS

CONSIDERATION XXIII
The delusions which the devil puts in the minds of sinners
"That they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil." 2 S. Tim. ii. 26.
First Point.
LET us picture to ourselves some young person once fallen into grievous sin, but who now has confessed it, and has regained the Divine grace. The devil again tempts such an one to fall, but he resists still; but already he wavers, because of the delusions which the enemy puts into his mind. I say to such an one, " Young man, tell me what thou dost wish to do? Art thou willing to lose the grace of God, which thou hast regained, and which is worth more than all the world, in order to obtain that miserable satisfaction? Dost thou wish to write the sentence of thy eternal death to condemn thyself to burn for ever in hell?" Thou sayest, No, I do not wish to condemn myself, I wish to be saved; if I commit this sin I will confess it afterwards. This is the first delusion which the devil presents to you. Thou sayest that afterwards thou wilt confess it? But in the meanwhile thou art losing thy soul. Tell me, whether, if thou hadst a jewel in thy hand, which was worth a very large sum of money, wouldst thou throw it into the river saying, "Presently I will search carefully, and then I shall hope to find it again?" but thou hast in thy hand that most beautiful jewel ​thy soul, which Jesus Christ has bought with His Blood; and thou art willingly throwing it into hell for by sinning thou art already condemned according to the present justice and thus casting it away, thou art saying, I hope to regain it by confessing. But if thou shouldst not regain it? For in order to regain it, a true repentance is necessary, which is the gift of God. And if. God should not grant this repentance? And if death should come and deprive you of the time for confession?
Thou sayest that thou wilt not allow a week to pass without confession. But who promises thee this week? Thou sayest that thou wilt confess tomorrow. But who promises thee tomorrow? S. Augustine writes thus God has not promised to give thee tomorrow, perhaps He will give it to thee, and perhaps He will refuse to give it to thee; even as He has denied it to so many, who at night have gone to bed alive, and in the morning have been found dead. How many, indeed, in the act itself of sin, has the Lord struck dead, and sent to everlasting punishment? And if He should do the same with thee, how couldst thou amend thy eternal ruin? Know, that because of this mistake, in saying, " Afterwards I will confess," the devil has borne many thousands of Christian souls to hell; for it is very seldom that a sinner is found in such a desperate state, as to wish of his own free will to be condemned. All, when they sin, sin in the hope of confessing their sin, and thus have so many miserable ones been condemned, and now they can no longer remedy their condemnation.
But thou sayest, " I am not strong enough to resist that temptation;" this is the second dehtszon of the devil who tries to make thee feel that thou hast not strength to resist the present passion.
Firstly, we must understand that God, as the Apostle tells us, is faithful, and will not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able. (1 Cor. x. 13.) Moreover, I ask thee, if now thou art not strong enough to resist, how canst thou gain strength afterwards? Afterwards, the enemy will not cease to tempt thee to commit other sins; and then he will be much stronger against thee, and thou wilt be much weaker. If therefore, now thou art not strong enough to extinguish that flame, how wilt ​thou be able to do so, when the flame is much greater? Thou sayest that God will give thee His help. But God already gives His help to thee; why, therefore, with His help canst thou not resist? Perhaps thou art hoping that God will increase His help and His graces, after that thou hast increased thy sins? But if now thou requirest greater help and strength, why not ask God to grant them to thee? Perhaps thou art doubting God's faithfulness, when He promised to give thee all that thou seekest from Him? "Ask, and it shall be given you." (S. Matt. vii. 7.) God cannot fail; fly to Him; He will give thee that strength which is necessary for thee to resist. Ancient Fathers have declared that " God does not command things impossible to be performed; but by commanding, bids you both do what you can, and to pray for what you cannot do, and He helps you to do it." God does not command us to do impossible things; but He gives us His precepts, and admonishes us to do all that we can, with the actual aid that He bestows upon us; and when that aid is not sufficient to enable us to resist, then He exhorts us to seek for greater help, and if we ask for it, then truly will He give it to us.
Affections and Prayers.
Therefore, my God, is it because Thou hast been so good towards me that I have been so ungrateful towards Thee? We have, as it were, been striving together; I, in flying from Thee, and Thou in seeking me; Thou in doing me good, and I in doing evil against Thee. Ah, my Lord, if there were no other reason, the goodness alone which Thou hast shown me, ought to have inspired me with love towards Thee; for after I have increased my sins, Thou hast increased Thy graces. And whenever have I deserved the light which Thou art giving to me? My Lord, I thank Thee with all my heart, and I hope to come to heaven, there to thank Thee for that light through all eternity. I hope, through Thy Blood, to be saved, and I hope it with certainty, because Thou hast shown so many mercies to me. In the meantime I hope that Thou wilt grant me strength never more to betray Thee. I would rather, with ​thy grace helping me, die many times over, if it were possible, than again offend Thee. I have offended Thee often enough. In the life that remains to me I wish to love Thee. And how can I help loving a God, Who, after having died for me, has borne with me with so much patience, notwithstanding the many insults I have offered to Him? O God of my soul, I repent with all my heart; would that I could die of grief. But if during the past, I have turned from Thee, now do I love Thee beyond every thing, much more than I love myself. Eternal Father, through the merits of Jesus Christ, succour a miserable sinner who wishes to love Thee.
Second Point.
The sinner exclaims, "But God is merciful!" This is the third delusion which is common to sinners, and through which so many are lost. A learned author observes, that the mercy of God sends more souls to hell than the justice of God; because these miserable ones, boldly trusting in His mercy, never cease to sin, and thus are they lost. God is very merciful. Who is there that can say He is not? But notwithstanding this, how many are there who are daily sent to hell? God is merciful but He is also just, and for that reason He is obliged to punish those who offend Him. He uses mercy, but to whom? Even to those who fear Him. " So great is His mercy also toward them that fear Him So is the Lord merciful unto them that fear Him." (Ps. ciii. 11-13.) But to those who despise Him, and abuse His mercy in order the more to despise Him, He executes His justice upon them. And very rightly. God pardons sin; but He cannot pardon the wish to sin. S. Augustine declares, that he who sins, thinking to repent after he has committed the sin, is not a penitent, but a mocker of God. And, on the other hand, the Apostle tells us, that God will not be mocked, " Be not deceived; God is not mocked." (Gal. vi. 7.) It would be mocking God to offend Him as we please, and how we please, and afterwards to expect to reach heaven.
But, as during my past life God has shown so many mercies towards me, and has not punished me, therefore do I hope He ​will show mercy for the future. This is the fourth delusion. Therefore, because God has had compassion upon thee, for this reason, He must ever show mercy to thee, and must never chastise thee? No, indeed, for the greater have been His mercies to thee, the more oughtest thou to tremble lest He should never pardon thee again, but should chastise thee if again thou dost offend Him. We are told not to say, " I have sinned, and what harm hath befallen me? for the Most High is a patient rewarder," (Ecclus. v. 4,) for God endures, but will not do so for ever; when the mercies which He is willing to show towards a sinner come to an end, then does He punish the sinner for his sins altogether. And the longer He has waited for the sinner to repent, so much the more severe will be the sinner's punishment; as S. Gregory observes, "Those whom He waits for the longer, He punishes the more severely." If, therefore, my brother, thou feelest that thou hast offended God many times, and that God has not sent thee to hell, thou oughtest to say, " It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed." (Lam. iii. 22.) Lord, I thank Thee that Thou hast not sent me to hell as I deserved. Think of the number who have been condemned for less sins than thine. And with this thought thou oughtest to seek as far as thou canst to atone for the offences thou hast committed against God, by repentance, prayer, and good works. The patience that God has shown towards thee ought to animate thee, not, indeed, to displease Him more, but to serve Him better and to love Him more.; seeing that He has shown so many mercies to thee, which He has not shown to others.
Affections and Prayers.
My crucified Jesus, my Redeemer, and my God, behold the traitor at Thy feet. I blush to appear before Thee. How many times have I not mocked Thee; how many times have I not promised never more to offend Thee, but my promises have all proved treacherous; for when the occasion to sin presented itself, was I not forgetful of Thee, and did I not again turn away from Thee? I thank Thee that I am not in hell, but that Thou art keeping me at Thy feet, and that Thou art enlightening me ​and calling me to Thy love. Yes, for I wish to love Thee, my Saviour and my God, and I wish never more to despise Thee. Thou hast already" borne with me long enough. I "feel that Thou wilt not bear with me any longer. Ah, wretched me, if after so many graces I should again offend Thee! O Lord, I do sincerely wish to change my life, and as much as I have hitherto offended Thee, so much do I wish to love Thee. I am consoled, for I have to do with Infinite Goodness, Which, indeed, Thou art. I repent beyond every other evil for having so despised Thee, and I promise to give Thee all my love for the future. Pardon me through the merits of Thy passion; remember no more the sins I have committed against Thee; and give me strength to be faithful to Thee in the life that remains to me. I love Thee, O my Sovereign Good, and I hope ever to love Thee. My beloved Lord, never more will I leave Thee.
Third Point.
" But I am young; God takes compassion upon youth; when I am old, I will give myself to God." This is the fifth delusion. Art thou young? But dost Thou not know, that God takes not account of the years, but the sins of each one? Art thou young? But how many sins hast thou committed? There may be many old men, who perhaps have not committed one-tenth part of the sins which have been committed by thee. And knowest thou not, that the Lord has fixed the number and the measure of the sins which He will pardon to each one? " The Lord patiently expecteth, that when the day of judgment shall come, He may punish them in the fulness of their sins." (2 Mace. vi. 14.) That is to say, God has patience, and waits until a certain time; but when the measure of the sins which He has determined upon pardoning is full, He no longer pardons, but He chastises the sinner; either by sending him a sudden death in the same state of condemnation in which he has been living, or else by leaving him to his sin, which punishment is worse than death. " I will take away the hedge thereof, and it shall be eaten up." (Isa. v. 5.) If thou hadst a garden, around which thou shouldst have ​planted a hedge, and shouldst have cultivated it for many years, and spent much labour upon it; and notwithstanding all this, thou shouldst see that it brought forth no fruit; what wouldst thou do? Thou wouldst take away the hedge, and leave it to itself. Therefore fear lest God should do the same with thee. If thou continuest to sin, thou wilt lose remorse of conscience; thou wilt think upon eternity no longer, nor of thy soul; thou wilt lose all light; thou will lose fear; behold the hedge is taken away; and thus wilt thou be abandoned by God.
But thou wilt say, " It is true, that by this sin I lose the grace of God, and I shall be condemned to hell, and perhaps through this sin I may be already condemned; but it may also happen that I shall confess and be saved. " Behold the last delusion, Yes, I grant that thou mayest still be saved; for I am not a prophet, and therefore I cannot say for certain, whether, after having committed this sin, God will no longer show mercy to thee. But thou canst not deny, that after the many graces the Lord has shown thee, if thou shouldst again offend against Him, thou wilt be very likely to be lost. Even thus does Holy Scripture assure, us, " A hard heart shall fear evil at the last." (Ecclus. iii. 27.) "Wicked doers shall be rooted out." (Ps. xxxvii. 9.) The wicked shall at last be cut off by Divine justice: " for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." (Gal. vi. 7.) He that sows in. sin at length shall reap only punishment and torment. " Because I have called, and ye refused;....! also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh." (Prov. i. 24, 26.) I have called thee, says God, and ye have mocked me; but I will mock thee when death cometh upon thee. "To Me belongeth vengeance and recompense." (Deut. xxxii. 35.) To Me belongeth vengeance, and I will repay when the time shall arrive. Even thus does Holy Scripture speak of those sinners who are obstinate, for justice and right require it.
Thou sayest, "But for all that I may be saved." And I answer, Yes, perhaps thou canst be; but is it not great madness to allow the salvation of thy immortal soul to depend upon a " perhaps," and upon a " perhaps " which is so uncertain? Is this a case to be placed in such great peril?
Affections and Prayers.
My dear Redeemer, I cast myself at Thy feet, and I thank Thee that, after so many sins, Thou hast not abandoned me. How many who have offended Thee much less than I have, will never have the light which Thou art now giving to me? I see that Thou dost indeed wish me to be saved; and I wish to be saved chiefly that I may give Thee pleasure. I wish to praise these Thy many mercies to me, which Thou dost show me for ever in heaven. I trust that Thou hast already pardoned me; but if I should still be in disgrace with Thee, and that because I have not known how to repent as I ought for the many sins committed against Thee, now indeed do I repent with my whole heart, and I grieve for them beyond all evils. Pardon me, through Thy mercy, and do Thou ever increase in me a sorrow for having offended Thee, my God, Who art so good. Give me sorrow and give me love. I love Thee beyond all things; but still I love Thee too little. I would love Thee much, and I ask and hope for this love from Thee. Do Thou hear me, my Jesus, for Thou hast promised to hear those who pray to Thee.