# Preparation for death/XXII. THE HABIT OF SIN

CONSIDERATION XXII
The Habit of Sin
"When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt." Prov. xviii 3.
First Point.
ONE of the greatest evils which the sin of Adam caused us, is the wicked inclination to sin. This made the Apostle weep when he found himself impelled by concupiscence towards those same sins which he detested. " But I see another law in my members .... bringing me into captivity to the law of sin." (Rom. vii. 23.) And therefore it happens with us, that being infected by this concupiscence, and with so many enemies who urge us on to do evil, that we find it so difficult to reach the blessed country without sin. Now, such being our frailty, I ask, What would you say of a traveller who would have to cross the sea in a storm in a shattered bark, and yet should wish to load it with a weight which, even were the bark a strong one, and there were no storm, would be enough to send it to the bottom? What would you predict concerning the life of such an one? Now, we say the same of the habitual sinner, who, having to pass over the sea of this life a sea which is very tempestuous and where many are lost in a weak and shattered bark, which is our flesh, and to which we are united, is willing to weigh it down with habitual sins. For in this one it is very difficult to be saved, because the evil habit darkens the mind, and hardens the heart, and by doing so, easily renders him obstinate, even to death.
​In the first place, the evil habit produces blindness. And why is it that the saints ever beg God to give them light, and why do they fear lest they should become the greatest sinners in the world? It is because they know that if for one moment they were to lose the light, they might commit any wickedness. How is it that so many Christians have been willing to live in sin, until they have at last condemned themselves? " Their own malice blinded them." (Wisd. ii. 21.) Sin has deprived them of sight, and so they have become lost. Each sin produces blindness, so that when the sin increases, so does the blindness increase. God is our light; the more, therefore, the soul withdraws itself from God, the more does its darkness increase: " His bones are full of the sin of his youth." (Job xx. 11.) As the light of the sun cannot enter in a vessel filled with earth, so the Divine light cannot enter a heart that is filled with vices. And therefore it is that we see many relaxed sinners lose this light, and go on from sin to sin, and never again think of amending their ways. "The ungodly walk on every side." (Ps. xi. 9.) These miserable sinners have fallen into that dark pit, where they can do nothing but sin, speak only of sin, think only of sin, and, at last, they scarcely recognise that there is any evil in sin. S. Augustine observes, that " the habit itself of evil does not suffer sinners to see the evil which they do." So that they live as if they no longer believed in a God, a paradise, a hell, or an eternity.
And, behold, for that sin which, at one time, caused them to feel great horror, through the evil habit, no longer causes them to feel it. " Make them like unto a wheel; and as the stubble before the wind." (Ps. lxxxiii. 13.) " Observe," says S. Gregory, "with what ease a bit of straw is moved by the slightest puff of wind;" even thus do we often see some, who, before they fell, once resisted, at least, for some time, and strove against the temptation, but after the sin became habitual, they yielded to every temptation, and every occasion to sin that was presented to them. And wherefore? Because the evil habit has deprived them of light. S. Anselm tells us that the devil acts with many sinners, like any one who holds a bird tied by a string, who allows it to fly, but directly it flies he pulls it back again to ​earth. Even so, as the saint observes, does it happen with habitual sinners, " Entangled by a bad habit, they are holden by the enemy; flying, they are cast down into the same vice." S. Bernardine of Sienna adds, that some continue to sin even without the occasion. The saint remarks, that habitual sinners are like unto windmills which turn round at every breath of wind; and turn round more when there is no corn to grind, and although the miller does not wish them to turn. An habitual sinner will be seen, who, without occasion, will indulge in bad thoughts; who without desire, and who almost without wishing it, will be drawn by force to do evil. As S. Chrysostom observes, " Habit is a hard thing, which sometimes compels those who are unwilling to do what is wrong." Yes, because, according to S. Augustine, the bad habit at last becomes a sure necessity. And S. Bernardine also adds, " Habit is changed into nature;" for, as it is necessary for man to breathe, even so to habitual sinners who are made the slaves of sin, it seems necessary to sin. I say slaves of sin; there are servants who serve and are paid, but slaves serve because they are obliged to do so, and without any pay. Even to this do some miserable ones come even to sin without feeling any pleasure in doing so. " When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt." (Prov. xviii. 3.) S. Chrysostom well applies this to the habitual sinner, who being placed in that pit of darkness, despises corrections, sermons, censures, hell, and even God; who despises every thing, and becomes like the vulture, which rather than leave the dead body is willing to be killed upon it. S. Bernard tells us even that for habitual sinners it is no use to pray we must weep for them as for those who are lost. But how can they avoid the precipice if they can no longer see? They need a miracle of grace. These wretched ones will open their eyes in hell, when there will be no longer any good in opening them, except to weep more bitterly over their folly.
Affections and Prayers.
My God, Thou hast indeed favoured me with Thy blessings in blessing me more than others; and I have clearly, by my offences, displeased Thee more than any other that I know. ​O Sorrowful heart of my Redeemer, Who upon the Cross wast afflicted and tormented when beholding my sins, give me, through Thy merits, a living knowledge and grief for my sins. Ah, my Jesus, I am full of wickedness; but Thou art Omnipotent; truly canst Thou fill me with Thy holy love. Therefore in Thee do I trust Thou Who art good and of infinite mercy. I repent, O Sovereign Good, for having offended Thee. Oh, would that I had died, rather than have given Thee this offence. I have been forgetful of Thee, but Thou hast never been forgetful of me. I can see it through that light which Thou dost now grant me. Since, therefore, Thou dost grant me that light, grant me also the strength to be faithful to Thee.
I promise Thee that I would rather die a thousand times, if it were possible so to do, than ever again to turn away from Thee; but I hope alone in Thy help. Lord, in Thee have I trusted, let me never be confounded. In Thee, O my Jesus, do I hope never more to be confounded in sin, and deprived of Thy grace.
Second Point.
Again, the habit of sin hardens the heart. And God allows it to do so, as a punishment for the resistance made against His calls. The Apostle observes, that " therefore hath He mercy on whom He will have mercy, and whom He will He hardeneth." (Rom. ix. 18.) S. Augustine explains this passage thus " It is not indeed that God hardens the habitual sinner; He withdraws His grace from him as a punishment for the ingratitude shown towards His graces; and thus does the heart of the sinner remain hard, and like unto stone." " His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone." (Job xli. 24.) Hence it is that when others become affected, and weep when they are told of the rigour of Divine judgment, of the pains of those who are condemned, of the Passion of Jesus Christ, the habitual sinner is quite unmoved. He will speak, and will hear all these things spoken of with indifference, as if they were things in which he had no part; and he will become more hardened in sin, even "as hard as a piece of the nether millstone."
​Even sudden deaths, earthquakes, thunders, and lightnings, will not affright him; instead of awaking him, and making him repent, they produce that sleep of death in him in which he is sleeping hopelessly. Sinful habits by little and little destroy even remorse of conscience. To habitual sinners, even the most enormous sins seem as nothing. S. Augustine observes that " sins, however horrible, when they become habitual, seem to be small, or no sins at all." Doing evil, naturally brings with it a certain sense of shame; but S.Jerome tells us, that habitual sinners lose even the feeling of shame when they sin. S. Peter compares such an one to the swine that wallows in the mire. (2 S. Pet. ii. 22.) As the swine turning again to the mire does not observe the smell, even thus does it happen with the habitual sinner; that corruption which is noticed by all others, is not noticed by him. And supposing the mire has deprived him of sight, what need is there to marvel, as S. Bernardine observes, if he does not amend even when God is chastising him? Therefore it happens that instead of being sorry for their sins, they rejoice in sin, they laugh at it, and they make a boast of it, " Who rejoice to do evil." (Prov. ii. 14.) " It is as sport to a fool to do mischief." (Prov. x. 23.) S. Thomas of Villanova inquires, What signs are these of such diabolical hardness? They are all signs of damnation. " Hardening is an indication of condemnation." My brother, fear lest the same should happen to thee. If thou hast any bad habit, endeavour quickly to leave it, now that God calls thee; and as long as thy conscience smites thee, be joyful, because it is a sign that God has not yet abandoned Thee. But repent, and leave the evil habit soon; because if not, the wound will mortify, and thou wilt be lost.
Affections and Prayers.
O Lord, how can I thank Thee as I ought for the many favours Thou hast shown me? How many times Thou hast called, and I have resisted! Instead of being grateful to Thee, and loving Thee for having delivered me from hell, and for having so lovingly called me, I have continued to provoke Thy wrath, answering Thee with insults. No, my God, no longer do I wish to offend Thy patience, I have already offended ​Thee too much. Thou alone, Who art of Infinite Goodness couldst have put up with me until now. But already do I see that Thou canst not endure me much longer, and Thou art right. Pardon me, therefore, my Lord and my Highest Good, all the injuries I have committed against Thee, for which I repent with my whole heart; and I purpose for the future never more to offend Thee. And wherefore? Perhaps I shall ever continue to provoke Thee! Ah! be at peace with me, O God of my soul, not through my merits, to which nothing but punishment and hell belong, but through the merits of Thy Son and my Redeemer, in Whose merits I place my hope. For the love, therefore, of Jesus Christ, receive me into Thy grace, and give me perseverance in Thy love. Take from me every impure affection, and draw me all to Thyself. I love Thee, O Highest God, O Sovereign lover of my soul, Who art worthy of infinite love. Oh, that I had ever loved Thee.
Third Point.
When the light shall be lost, and the heart shall be hardened, it will generally happen that the sinner's end will be a bad one, and that he will die obstinate in his sins. " A hard heart shall fear evil at the last." (Ecclus. iii. 27.) The just continue to walk in the right way. " The way of the just is uprightness." (Isa. xxvi. 7.) Habitual sinners, on the contrary, ever walk round about. " The ungodly walk on every side." (Ps. xii. 9.) They leave sin for a time, and then return to it. S. Bernard announces condemnation to such as these, " Woe to the man who follows this course." But some will say, I am willing to repent before I die; but the difficulty is for an habitual sinner to amend even should he come to be old. Holy Scripture tells us to " train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Prov. xxii. 6.) The reason truly is, as S. Thomas of Villanova observes, because our strength is very weak: for " the strong shall be as tow." (Isa. i. 31.) Therefore it happens, as the saint continues, that the soul, being deprived of grace, cannot remain without committing more sins.
Moreover, would not any one be very foolish, who should wish ​to play, and who should willingly lose all his money, hoping to win it back at the last stake? This is even the madness of that one who continues to live in sin, but who hopes to make amends for all his sin at the last moment of his life. Can the Ethiopian or the leopard change the colour of his skin? And how can any one lead a good life who for a long time has contracted a habit of sin? " Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil." (Jer. xiii. 23.) Hence it is, that the habitual sinner is at last given up to despair, and thus finishes his life.
Upon this passage in Job, " He breaketh me with breach upon breach, He runneth upon me like a giant," (Job xvi. 14), S. Gregory remarks, " When a person is attacked by an enemy, at the first wound which he receives he may still be able to defend himself; but the more wounds that he receives so much more strength does he lose, until in the end, he is slain." Even in this way does sin act. After the first and second sin, the sinner still has strength to withstand be it ever understood that he has this strength by means of the Divine grace which assists him; but if afterwards he continues to sin, the sin becomes like a giant, it " runneth upon him like a giant." On the other hand, the sinner, finding himself much weaker, and having so many wounds, how can he avoid death? Sin, according to Jeremiah, is like unto a heavy stone which oppresses the soul. " They have .... cast a stone upon me." (Lam. iii. 53.) Now, S. Bernard observes, it is as difficult for a sinner to arise from an evil habit, as it is difficult for one who has fallen under a heavy stone, and who has not sufficient strength to remove it, to free himself from it. "He arises with difficulty whom the weight of evil habit presses."
Therefore will the habitual sinner exclaim, Then I am despaired of? No; thou art not despaired of, if thou art willing to amend. But justly does an author observe, that for very great sins very great remedies are required.
If a man who was sick, in danger of death, were unwilling to apply the proper remedies, because he was not aware of the danger of his disease, the doctor would say, "Friend, thou wilt die if thou dost not take the medicine." The sick man would answer, " Behold, I am ready to take anything if my life is in danger."
​My Christian brother, I will say the same to you if you have contracted the habit of some sin, You are unwell, and are one of those infirm ones who are " seldom cured." As S. Thomas of Villanova remarks, you are ready to be condemned. If, therefore, you are willing to be cured, there is the remedy; but you must not expect a miracle of grace; you must, on your part, exert all your strength, to deliver yourself from the occasion to sin; you must avoid evil companions; resist when you are tempted, by commending yourself to God. You must use every means, frequently confessing, and reading a spiritual book daily. You must exert all your strength, otherwise the threat of the Lord against the obstinate will be fulfilled in you, " Ye .... shall die in your sins." (S. John viii. 21.) And if, now that God grants you light, you do not amend, you will afterwards amend with great difficulty. Listen to God, who calls you, " Lazarus, come forth." Poor sinner, already dead, come forth from this dark tomb of your evil life. Answer quickly, and give yourself to God, and fear lest this should be the last call for you.
Affections and Prayers.
Ah, my God, and for what shall I wait until Thou dost abandon me, and send me to hell? Ah, Lord, wait for me, for I wish to change my life, and give myself to Thee. Tell me what I am to do, that I may do it. O Blood of Jesus, do Thou help me. And Thou, O Eternal Father, through the merits of Jesus, have mercy upon me. I repent, O God of infinite goodness, for having offended Thee, and I love Thee beyond all things. Pardon me, through the love of Jesus Christ, and give me Thy love. Give me also a great fear for my eternal ruin, should I offend Thee again. Light, my God; light and strength. I hope for everything because of Thy mercy. Thou didst grant me many graces when I wandered far from Thee; much more do I hope for, now that I return to Thee, being resolved to love none other than Thee. I love Thee, my God, my Life, my All.