# Awful memorial of the state of Francis Spira (1)

AN AWFUL
MEMORIAL
OF THE STATE OF
Francis Spira,
AFTER HE TURN'D
ΑΡΟSΤΑΤΕ
FROM THE
Protestant Church
TO
POPERY.
Heaven tasted and lost, a double Hell! I've call'd thee Reader; pray so be: Read this, that others read not thee.
FALKIRK:
PRINTED BY T. JOHNSTON.
1815.
THE
HISTORY
OF
FRANCIS SPIRA.
IN the year 1548, when the glorious Sun of the Goſpel was but newly riſen in Europe, in the rign of Edward VI, King of England, in the territory, and under the juriſdiction of the City of Venice, being the very border of Italy, in the Town of Citadella, lived on Francis Spira a Civil Lawyer, an Advocate of great rank and eſteem, being of great experience, of circumſpect carriage and ſevere, his ſpeech grave and compoſed, his countenance ſharp and auſtere, every way befitting that authority whereunto he was advanced; endowed with the bleſſings of a wife and eleven children, and wealth in abundance.- What his worſt parts were, I have no other warrant than his own words, which, if not tainted over-much with the bitterneſs of a deſperate mind, and bearing a countenance rather of paſſion, than of a ſober confeſſion, may ſeem to add a period to all further commendations.
"I was", ſaith he, "exceedingly covetous of money; and accordingly applied myſelf to get it by injuſtice, corrupting juſtice by deceit, inventing tricks to delude juſtice; ​good cauſes I either defended decitfully, or ſold them to the adverſary perſidioully,- Ill cauſes I maintained with all my might. I wittingly oppoſed the known truth; and the truſt committed unto me, I either betrayed or perverted."
Thus having worn out forty-four years, or thereabouts, and the news of the new, or rather newly revived opinions of Luther coming into thoſe parts, repreſented an object of novelty unto him, who being deſirous to know, as he was famous for knowledge, ſuffered not theſe wandering opinions to paſs unexamined; but ſearching into the Scriptures, and into all books of controverſies that he could get, both old and new, and finding more than fame and opinion, he began to taſte their nature ſo well, that he entertained, loved, and owned them at length; and with ſuch zeal, that he became a profeſſor, yea, a teacher of them, firſt to his wife, children and family, and afterwards to his friends and familiar acquaintance; and, in compariſon, ſeemed to neglect all other affairs; always maintaining this main point, "That we muſt wholly and only depend on the free and unchangeable love of God, in the death of Chriſt, as the only ſure way to ſalvation." And this was the ſum of all his diſcourſe for the ſpace of ſix years, or thereabout, ſo long as the knowledge of it was kept ſecret; but at length it brake forth in public meetings, ſo that the whole Province of Padua war overrun with the knowledge of this new doctrine.
The Clergy finding the trade of their Pardons to decay, and their Purgatory to wax cold, began to beſtir themſelves; gloſſing their actions firſt, with calumnious aſperſions upon the whole profeſſion; then more plainly ſtriking at Spira ​with grievous accuſations. And to effect their purpoſe, ſome threatened him; others promiſed him favours and preferment; ſome would counſel him, and all joined to divide either his ſoul from his body, or both from God.
At this time one John Caſa was the Pope's Legate at Venice, a Florentintine by birth, and one that wanted neither malice againſt thoſe who were of Spira's opinion, nor craftineſs to effect his malicious purpoſes. To him thefe men re- paired with outcries againſt Spira, that he was the man that condemned the received rights of the Church, eluded the Eccleſiaſtical power, and ſcandalized the policy thereof; one of no mean rank being a man of ſome account and authority, and alſo learned in the Scriptures, eloquent in ſpeech, and, in one word, a dangerous Lutheran, having alſo many diſciples, and therefore a man not to be deſpiſed.
The Legate, upon hearing this, began to reflect on the terrible alteration that had lately happened in Germany; where, by the means of one man only, viz Luther, the Romiſh religion had ſuffered ſuch a blow, as that it could neither be cured by diſſimulation, nor defended by power, but the Clergy muſt either mend their manners, or loſe their dignities. On the other hand, when he ſaw how readily the common people, inhabiting the bordering country of Italy, were to entertain theſe new opinions, he now thought it no time to diſpute or perſuade, but with ſpeed repairs to the Senate, and procures authority from them to ſend for Spira.
Spira, by this time, had conſidered with himſelf the nature of his courage, how evident and notorious it was, and therefore ſubject to be envied by ſuch as neither liked his perſon nor ​nəligion. He perceived that his opinions were neither retired, non ſpeculative, but ſuch as aimed at the Romiſh faction, and a change of policy. And that his enemies wanted neither power nor occaſion to call him to an account in public when he muſt either apoſtatize, and ſhamefully give his former life, yea, his own conſcience the lie, or endure the utmoſt malice of his dreadful enemies; or forſake his wife, children, friends, goods, authority, yea, his dear country and betake himſelf to a foreign people, there to endure a thouſand miſeries, that do continually attend upon a voluntary exile.
Being thus diſtracted, and toſſed by reſtleſs waves of doubt, without guide to truſt to, or haven to fly to for ſuccours, on a ſudden, God's Spirit aſſiſting, he felt a calm, and began to reaſon with himſelf in the following manner.
"Why wandereſt thou thus in uncertainties, unhappy man? Caſt away fear; put on thy ſhield, the ſhield of faith. Where is thy wonted courage, thy-goodneſs and conſtancy? Remember that Chriſt's glory lies at ſtake, ſuffer thou without fear, and he will defend thee; he will tell thee what thou ſhalt anſwer; he can beat down all danger; bring thee out of priſon; raiſe thee from the dead. Conſider Peter in a dungeon; the m(illegible text) eyes in the fire. If thou makeſt a good confeſſion, thou mayeſt indeed go to priſon or death, but an eternal reward remains in heaven for thee. What haſt thou in this world comparable to everlaſting happineſs? If thou doſt otherwiſe, think of the ſcandal; (common people live by example, thinking whatever is done, is well done.); fear the loſs of peace and joy; fear death, hell, and eternal wrath!!! Or if (illegible text) be ſo ſtrong as to cauſe thee to doubt ​of the iſſue, fly thy country, get thee away, though never ſo far, rather than deny the Lord of life.
Now was Spira in reaſonable quiet, being reſolved to yield to theſe weighty reaſons.- Yet holding it wiſdom to examine all things, he conſults alſo with fleſh and blood. Thus the battle doth renew, and the fleſh began to reaſon thus:
"Be well adviſed, fond man; conſider reaſon on both ſides, and then judge. How canſt thou thus overcome thy ſufficiency, as thou neither regardeſt the examples of thy progenitors, nor the judgment of the whole church? Doſt thou not conſider what miſery this thy raſhneſs will being unto thee? Thou ſhalt loſe all thy ſubſtance, gotten with ſo great care and travail; thou ſhalt undergo the moſt exquiſite torments that malice can deviſe; thou thalt be counted an heretic, and to cloſe up all, thou ſhalt die ſhamefully. What thinkeſt thou of the lothſome ſtinking dungeon, the bloody ex, or the burning faggat? Are they delightful? Be wiſe at length, and keep thy life and honour; thou mayeſt live to do much good to men, as God commands thee; and thou mayeſt be an ornament to thy country. Wilt thou bring thy friends alſo into danger? Thou haft begotten children, wilt thou now cut their throats, and inhumanly butcher them, who may in time bring honour to their country, glory To God, help and furtherance to his church? Go to the Legate, weak man, freely confeſs thy fault, and help all theſe miſeries."
Thus did the cares of this world, and the deceitfulneſs of riches choak the good feed that was formerly ſown. He feared and fainted, and yielded unto the allurements of this world !!!​Being thus blinded, he went to the Legate at Venice, and thus addreſſed him:
"Having for theſe diverſe years entertained an opinion concerning ſome articles of faith, contrary to the orthodox and received judgment of the Church, and uttered many things againſt the authority of the Church of Rome, and the Univerſal Biſhop; I humbly acknowledge my fault and error, and my folly in miſleading others. I therefore yield myſelf in all obedience to the Supreme Biſhop of the Church of Rome, never to depart again from the traditions and decrees of the Holy See. I am heartily ſorry for what is paſt, and humbly beg pardon for my offence."
The Legate having heard Spira's confeſſion, cauſed a recitation of all his errors to be drawn up in writing, together with the Confeſſion annexed to it, and commanded Spira to ſubſcribe his name thereto, which accordingly he did.- Then the Legate commanded him to return to his own town, and there to declare this Confeſſion of his, and to acknowledge the whole Doctrine of the Church of Rome to be holy and true; and to abjure the opinions of Luther and other ſuch teachers, as falſe and heretical.
Spira ſubmitted to this humiliating order of the Legate's, and promiſed to accompliſh his whole will and pleaſure. But, on his way home, he began to think of what he had done; how he had ſhamefully neglected the opportunity of giving a glorious teſtimony of his faith before the legate, and how he had impiouſly denied Chriſt and his goſpel at Venice, beſides what he had promiſed to do further in his own country. And thus, through fear and ſhame, being confounded, he thought he heard a voice ſpeaking
​"Spira! What doſt thou here? Whither goeſt thou? Haſt thou, unhappy man, given thy hand-writing to the Legate at Venice?- Yet ſee thou do not ſeal it in thine own country. Doſt thou, indeed, think eternal life ſo mean a thing, as that thou prefereſt this preſent life before it? Doſt thou well in prefering wife and children before Chriſt? Is the windy applauſe of the people better, indeed, then the glory of God; and the poſſeſſion of this world's good, more dear to thee than the ſalvation of thine own ſoul? Is the ſmall enjoyment of a moment of time, more deſireable than eternal wrath is dreadful? Think with thyſelf what Chriſt did endure for thy ſake! Is it not equal that thou ſhouldeſt ſuffer ſomewhat for him? Remember, man, that the ſufferings of this preſent life, are not comparable to the glory that shall be revealed If thou ſuffereſt with him, thou ſhalt alſo reign with him. Thou canſt not anſwer for what thou haſt already done: nevertheleſs the gate of mercy is not quite that: Take heed that thou heapeſt one ſin upon ſin, leſt thou repent when it is too late."
Now was Spira in the wilderneſs of doubt, not knowing which way to turn him, or what to do; yet being arrived in his own country, and among his friends, conſidering what he had done, and what he had farther promiſed to do; and how the terror of God, on the one ſide, and the terror of this world on the other, did continually rack him; and therefore he deſired their advice in ſo doubtful a caſe. His friends, upon ſmall deliberation, anſwered, That it was requiſite he ſhould take heed that he did not, in anywiſe, betrag his wife and children, and all his friends, into danger; ſeeing, that by ſo ſmall ​a matter as the reciting of a little Schedule, which might be done in leſs ſpace than half an hour, he might both free himſelf from preſent danger, and preſerve many that depended on him; adding, moreover, that he could get no credit in relenting from that which he had already, for the moſt part, acknowledged before the Legate at Venice; and that in the perfect accompliſhing thereof, little or no diſcredit could ariſe, more than what by the former action he had already ſuſtained. On the other ſide, if he did not perform his promiſe to the Legate, he could neither diſcharge himſelf of the ſhame which he had already incurred, nor avoid far more heavy and inſupportable injuries, than probably he ſhould have endured, if he had perſiſted obſtinately in his former opinions.
This was the last blow of the battle, and Spira utterly overcome, goes to the Prætor, and makes offer to perform his promiſe made to the Legate; who, in the mean time, had taken order to have all things ready, and ſent the inſtrument of abjuration, ſigned by Spira, to the Prætor, by the hands of a certain prieſt.
All that night the miſerable man wore out with reſtleſs cares, without a minute of reſt,- The next morning being come, he got up, and being ready, deſperately enters into the public congregation, where Maſs being finiſhed, in the preſence of friends and enemies and of the whole aſſembly, being, by eſtimation, near two thouſand people; yea, and of Heaven itſelf! he recited that infamous abjuration, word for word, as it was written. It being done, he was fined of thirty pieces of gold, which he preſently paid: five whereof were given to the prieſt that brought the abjuration, the other five and twenty were ​employed towards the making of a ſhrine to put the Euchariſt in. Then he went home, and was reſtored to his dignities, properties, wife, and children.
No fooner was he departed, but he thought he heard a direful voice ſaying to him,
"Thou wicked wretch, thou haſt denied me; thou haſt renounced the covenant of thy obedience; thou haſt broken thy vow! Hence, apoſtate, bear with the the ſentence of thy eternal damnation!"
Trembling and quaking in body and mind, he fell down in a ſwoon: Relief was at hand for the body, but from that time forward, he never fourd any peace or eaſe of mind, continuing in inceſſant torments!-He proteſted that he was captivated under the revenging hand of the great God!-That he heard continually that fearful ſentence of Chriſt, that juſt Judge! That he knew he was utterly undone!-That he could neither hope for grace, nor Chriſt's interceſſion with God the Father in his behalf!- Thus was his fault ever heavy on his heart, and his judgment before his eyes!
Now began ſome of his friends to repent, but too late, of their raſh counſel; others, not looking ſo high as the juſt judgment of God, laid all the blame on his melancholy conſtitution; that overſhadowing his judgment, wrought in him a kind of madneſs: Every one cenſured as his fancy led him; yet, for remedy, all agreed in this, To uſe both the help of Phyſicians, and the pious advice of Divines, and therefore thought it fit to convey him to Padua, an Univerſity of note, where all manner of means were to be had.
This they accordingly did, both with his wife, children, and whole family; others alſo of his ​friends accompanying him. And being arrived at the houſe of one James Arden, in St. Leonard's pariſh, they ſent for three eminent Phyſicians, who upon due obſervation of the effects, and of other ſymptoms of his diſeaſe, and ſome private conference one with another amongſt themſelves, returned this anſwer: That they could not diſcern that his body was afflicted with any danger or diſtemper originally from itſelf, by reaſon of the over-ruling of any humour; but that this his malady did ariſe from ſome grief or paſſion of the mind, which being over-burdened, did ſo oppreſs the ſpirits, as that they wanted a free paſſage; which ſtirred up many ill humours, whereof the body of man is full; and theſe aſcending up into the brain, troubled the fancy, ſhadowed the feat of judgment, and corrupted it. This was the fate of his diſeaſe, and that outward part that was viſible to the eye of nature. This they endeavoured to reform by purgation; either to conſume, or at leaſt divert the courſe of thoſe humours from the brain. But all their ſkill effected nothing; which made Spira ſay,
"Alas! poor men, how ignorant are you? Do you think that this diſeaſe is to be cured by potions? Believe me, there muſt be another manner of medicine; it is neither plaiſter nor drugs that can help a fainting ſoul, caſt down with the ſenſe of ſin, and wrath of GOD; it is only Chriſt that muſt be the Phyſician, and the goſpel the ſoul's antidote."
The Phyſicians eaſily believed him, after they had underſtood the whole truth of the matter; and therefore they wiſhed him to feel ſome ſpiritual comfort.
By this time, the fame of Spira was ſpread all over Padua, and the neighbouring country ​partly, becauſe as the diſeaſe, for the occaſion was particularly remarkable. Multitudes, of all ſorts, came to ſee him; ſome out of curioſity only to ſee and diſcourle; ſome out of a pious deſire, to try all means that might reduce him to comfort again; or at leaſt, to benefit themſelves by a ſpectacle of miſery, and the juſtice of God. Amongſt thefe Paulus, biſhop of Juſtinopolis, and Mathæus Gribauldus, deſerve eſpecially to be named, as the moſt principal labourers for Spira's comfort.
They found him now about fifty years of age, neither affected with the dotage of old age, nor with the unconſtant head-ſtrong paſſion of youth, but in the ſtrength of his experience and judgment; in a burning heat, calling exceſſively for drink, yet his underſtanding active, quick of apprehenſion, witty in diſcourſe, above his ordinary manner, and judiciouſly appoſite.
Spira's friends laboured with him by all fair means to receive nouriſhment; which he obſtinately refuſing, they forcibly infuſed ſome liquid ſuſtenance into his mouth, moſt of which he ſpit out again, exceedingly chaſing; and in this fretting mood of his ſaid,
"As it is true, that all things work for the beſt, to thoſe that love God; ſo to the wicked all are contrary: For, whereas a plentiful offſpring is the bleſſing of God, and his ree ward being a ſtay to the we(illegible text) eſtate of their aged parents; to me they are a curſe of bitterneſs and vexation! they do ſtrive to make me (illegible text) out this miſerable life; I would fain be at an end of it. O that I were gone from hence! that ſomebody would let out this weary ſoul!"
His friends ſaluted him, and aſked him, what he conceived to be the cauſe of his diſeaſe?​At which he broke out into a lamentable diſcourſe of the paſſages formerly related; and that with ſuch paſſionate elocution, as cauſed many to weep, and moſt to tremble. They contrarily, to comforrt him, propounded many examples of God's mercy.
"My ſin," ſaid he, "is greater than the mercy of God."
Nay, anſwered they, the mercy of God is above all ſin; God would have all men to be ſaved. "It is true, (quoth he), He would have all that he hath elected to be ſaved; he would not have damned reprobates to be ſaved: I am one of that number, I know it; for I willingly and againſt my knowledge, denied Chriſt; and I feel that the hardens, and will not ſuffer me to hope." After ſome ſilence, one aſked him, Whether he did not believe that doctrine to be true, for which he was accuſed before the Legate?
​Chriſt came, ſaid they, to take away ſin, Rom. ii. 5. And calling for a book, they read unto him the paſſion of Chriſt, and coming to his nailing to the croſs, Spira ſaid, "This indeed is comfortable to ſuch as are elected; but as for me, wretch, they are nothing but grief and torment, becauſe I contemned them." Thus crying out with grief, and toſſing himſelf on a bed whereon he lay, he intreated them to read no more to him.
When Gribauldus came to ſee him, Vergerius ſaid to Spira, Dear Sir, here is Dr. Gribauldas, a godly and faithful friend of yours, come to ſee you. He is welcome, ſaid he, but he ſhall find me ill, Gribauldus replied, Sir, this is but an illuſion of the devil, who doth what he can to vex you; but turn you to God with your whole heart, and he is ready to ſhew you mercy.- The Lord, you know, is full of mercy; it is he that hath ſaid, "That as often as a ſinner ſhall repent of his ſin, he will remember his ſin no more." Conſider this in the example of Peter, that was Chriſt's familiar and apoſtle, who denied him thrice, and notwithſtanding all that, did not Chriſt ſhew mercy to him? Is the Lord's hand now ſhortened that it cannot ſave?
To this Spira anſwered, "If Peter grieved and repented, it was becauſe Chriſt locked on him with a merciful eye; and in that he was pardoned it was not becauſe he wept, but becauſe God was gracious to him. But God reſpects not me, and therefore I am a reprobate. I feel no comfort can enter into my heart; there is only place there for torments and vexings of ſpirit. I tell you my caſe is properly mine own; no man was ever in the like condition, and therefore my ſlate is fearful!"-Then roaring out in the ​bitterneſs of his ſpirit, ſaid, "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God!"
The violence of his paſſion and action, did amaze many of the beholders ſo much, that ſome of them ſaid, with whiſpering voices, that he was poſſeſſed. He overhearing it, ſaid, Do you doubt it? A whole legion of devils have taken up their dwelling in me, and poſſeſs me us their own! and juſtly too, for I have denied Chriſt.
Did you it wittingly, or not? ſaid they.- That is nothing to the purpoſe, ſaid Spira; Chriſt hath ſaid, "Whoſoever denies me before men, him will I deny before my Father which is in heaven." Chriſt will not be denied, no not in a word; and therefore it is enough, though in heart I never denied him.
They obſerving his diſtemper to ariſe from the ſenſe and horror of the pain of hell, aſked him, if he thought them worſe pains than what he endured for the preſent? He ſaid, that he knew there were far worſe pains than thoſe he then ſuffered: "For the wicked ſhall riſe to their judgment; but they ſhall not ſtand in judgment,". Pſalm i. This I tremble to think of! yet I do deſire nothing more, than that I might come to that place where I might be ſure to feel the worſt, and to be freed from fear of worſe to come." Ay, but you are to conſider, ſaid one, that thoſe opinions, for which you were accuſed before the Legate, were impious; and therefore you are not to think you denied Chriſt, but rather that you confeſſed him, acknowledging the infallible truth of the Catholic Church. Truly, ſaid he, when I did deny thoſe opinion, I did think them to be true, and yet I did deny him.
Sir, ſaid another, try to believe now that they are true. Now I cannot, ſaith he; God will ​not ſuffer me to believe them, nor truſt in his mercy. What would you have me to do?- I would fain attain to this power, but cannot, tho' I ſhould prefently be burned for it.
But why do you, ſaid another, esteem this ſo great a ſin, whenas the learned Legate conſtrained you to it; which ſurely he would not have done if your former opinions be not erroneous? No, good Francis, the devil beſets thee; let not the grievouſneſs of any ſin amaze thee.
You ſay right, ſaid Spira, the devil hath poſſessed me, and God hath left me to his power; for I find I can neither believe the goſpel, nor truſt in God's mercy. I have ſinned againſt the Holy Ghoſt, and God, by his immutable decree, hath bound me over to perpetual puniſhment, without any hopes of pardon! It is true, the greatness of ſins, not the multitude of them, bind God's mercy; all thoſe ſins that in the former part of my life I have committed, then did not ſo much trouble me; for I trusted God would not lay them to my charge: but now, having sinned against the Holy Ghost, God hath taken away from me all power of repentance, and brings all my ſins to remembrance; and being guilty of one, I am guilty of all: Annd therefore it is no matter whether in ſins be great or ſmall, few or many; they be ſuch as Chriſt's blood, nor God's mercy belongs not to me!-"God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth." This it is that gnaws my heart, he hath hardened me! and I find that he daily more and more doth harden me; and therefore I am out of hope!!! I tell you, there was never ſuch a monster as I am!-never was any man alive, ſuch a ſpectacle of exceeding misery!-I knew that my justification ​was to be expected by Christ, and I denied and abjured it, to the end I might keep this frail life from adversity, and my children from poverty, and now behold how bitter this life is to me!- And God only knows, what ſhall become of this my family; but ſure no good is like to betide it, but worſe and worſe, and ſuch a ruin at length, as one ſtone ſhall not be left upon another!!!
But why ſhould you, ſaid Gribauldus, conceit ſo deeply of your ſin, ſeeing you cannot but know that many have denied Chriſt, yet never fell into despair? "But, ſaid Spira, I can ſee no ground of comfort for ſuch; neither can I warrant them from God's revenging hand, or that he will yet ſuffer ſuch to be in peace; and beſides, there will be a time of danger to come, and they ſhall be thoroughly tried, and if it were not ſo, yet God is juſt in making me an example to others, and I cannot juſtly complain. There is no puniſhment ſo great but I have deserved it, for this ſo heinous an offence. I assure you, it is no ſmall matter to deny Chriſt, and yet it is more ordinary than commonly men do conceive of; it is not a denial made before a Magiſtrate, as it is with me; for as oft as a Chriſtian doth diſſemble the known truth, as often as he approves of falſe worſhip, by preſenting himſelf at it ſo often as he doth things unworthy of his calling, ſo often he denies Chriſt. This did I, and am therefore juſtly puniſhed for it.
Your eſtate, quoth Gribauldus, is not ſo ſtrange as you make it. Job was ſo far gone, that he complained God had ſet him as a mark against him. And David, that was a man after God's own heart, complained often that God had forſaken him, and was become his enemy. Yet both received comfort again. Comfort ​yourſelf therefore, God will come at length, though he ſeem afar off.
O brother, anſwered Spira, I believe all this; "The devils believe and tremble!" But David was ever elected, and dearly beloved of God; and tho' he fell, yet God took not utterly away his Holy Spirit, and therefore was heard when he prayed, "Lord, take not thy holy Spirit from me!" But I am in another caſe, being ever accurſed from the preſence of God!- Neither can I pray as he did, becauſe his Holy Spirit is quite gone, and cannot be recalled; and therefore I know I ſhall live in continual hardneſs, ſo long as I live. Oh! that I might feel but the leaſt ſenſe of the love of God to me, tho' but for one ſmall moment, as I now feel his heavy wrath, that burns like torments of hell within me, and afſlicts my conſcience with pangs unutterable! Verily deſperation is hell itſelf!
Then Gribauldus ſaid, I do verily believe, Spira, that God having ſo ſeverely chaſtised you in this life, correcteth you in mercy here, that He may ſpare you hereafter; and that He hath mercy ſealed up foryou in time to come.
Nay, ſaid Spira, hence do I know that I am a reprobate, becauſe he afflicteth me with hardneſs of heart. O that my body had ſuffered all my life long, ſo that he would be pleased to releaſe my ſoul, and ease my conscience, this my burdened and oppressed conscience!
Gribauldus being willing to ease his mind from the continual ineditation of his ſins; as also to ſound him how for the present he ſtood affected to the Romiſh Church, aſked him what he thought became of the ſouls of men, after they departed out of the body? To which Spira answered: Altho' this be not clearly revealed ​⟨in⟩ Scripture, yet I verily believe, that the ſouls ⟨of⟩ the elect go presently to the kingdom of glory, ⟨and⟩ not that they ſleep in the body, as ſome do ⟨imagine⟩." Very well, ſaid one ſtanding by, why ⟨do⟩ the Scriptures then ſay, I Sam. v. 9. that God ⟨brings⟩ down to hell, and raiseth up? Seeing it ⟨cannot⟩ be meant of the ſtate of the ſoul after ⟨death⟩, which, as thou ſayest, either goeth to ⟨heaven⟩ without change, or to hell without redemption; it muſt be underſtood of the ſtate of ⟨the⟩ ſoul in this life, like that wherein thou art ⟨at⟩ present. And oftentimes we ſee, that God ⟨suffers⟩ men to fall into the jaws of despair, and ⟨yet⟩ raiseth them up again. And therefore despair not, but hope; it ſhall be even thus with ⟨thee⟩ in his good time.
This is the work, quoth Spira; this is the ⟨labour⟩! For, I tell you, when I at Venice did ⟨firſt⟩ abjure my profession, and ſo, as it were, ⟨drew⟩ an indenture, the Spirit of God often admoniſhed me. And when at Citadella, I did, ⟨as⟩ it were, ſet my ſeal; the Spirit of God often ⟨suggested⟩ to me, "Do not write!-Do not ſeal!” Yet resisted I the Holy Ghost, and did both.- And at that very present I did evidently feel ⟨a⟩ wound in my very will. So, altho' I can ſay, ⟨I⟩ would believe, yet I cannot ſay, I will believe. God hath dnied me the power of will; and it ⟨befalls⟩ me in this my ſtate, as one that is faſt in ⟨irons⟩, and his friends coming to ſee him, do pity ⟨his⟩ ſtate, and perſuade him to ſhake off his fetters, ⟨and⟩ come out of his bonds, which, God knows, ⟨he⟩ would fain do, but cannot. This is my very ⟨ease⟩; you persuade me to believe; how fain would I do it, but cannot. O now I cannot!- Then violently grasping his hands together, and ⟨raising⟩ himself up, Behold! ſaid he; I am ſtrong, ​yet by little and little I decay and consume.- My ſervants would fain preserve this my weary life, but at length the will of God must be done, and I ſhall perish miserably, as I deserve!- Rejoice, ye righteous, in the Lord!-Blessed are you whose hearts the Lord hath mollified!- Then, after ſome pause, he went on.
I earnestly desire to pray to God with my heart, yet I cannot!-I ſee my damnation, and I know my remedy is only in Chriſt, yet I cannot ſet myself to take hold of it.-Such are the punishments of the damned; they repent of the loss of heaven, but they cannot mend their ways.-As he was thus ſpeaking, he observed divers flies that came about him, and lighted on him: Behold! ſaid he, now also Beelzebub comes to his banquet; you ſhall ſhortly ſee my end! and in me, an example to many, of the justice and judgment of God!
About this time came in two Bishops, with divers Scholars of the University, one of them Paulus Vergerius. who having observed Spira more than any other, being continually conversant with him, told him, That his ſtate was ſuch, as rather ſtood in need of prayer than advice; and therefore desired him to pray with him in the Lord's prayer. Spira consented, and he began in the following manner.
"Our Father which art in heaven."
But Spira, breaking forth into tears, ſtopped. And they ſaid to him, It is well, your grief is a good ſign.-I bewail, ſaid Spira, my misery for I perceive I am forsaken of God, and cannot call to him from my heart, as I was wont to do.
Yet let us go on, ſaid Vergerius.
"Thy kingdome come." ​O Lord, ſaid Spira, bring me alſo into this kingdom; I beſeech thee ſhut, me not out.
"Give us this day our daily bread."
O Lord, added he, I have enough, and abundance to feed this carcase of mine, but there is another bread; I humbly beg the bread of thy grace, without which, I am but a dead man.
"Lead us not into temptation."
Seeing, Lord, that I am brought into temptation, help me, Lord, that I may escape. The enemy hath overcome, help me, I beseech thee, to overcome this cruel tyrant.
These things he ſpake with a mournful voice, the tears trickling down abundantly, and expressing ſuch affection and passion, as filled all present with grief and compunction.
Then they ſaid to him, Sir, you know that none call Christ Jesus, the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost; you must therefore think of yourſelf according to that ſoft affection which you express in your prayers; inferring thereby, that God hath not wholly cast you off, or bereaved you of his Spirit utterly.
I perceive, ſaid Spira, that I call to him to my eternal damnation! For I tell you again, it is a new and unheard of example, that you find in me. If Judas, ſaid they, had but out-lived his days, which by nature he might have done, he might have repented; and Christ would have received him to mercy; and yet he ſinned most grievously against his Master which did ſo esteem him as to honour him with the dignity of an apostle; and did maintain and feed him.
Spira answered: Christ did also feed and honour me; neither is my fault one jot less than that of his; because it is no more honour to be personally present with Chriſt in the fleſh, ​than to be in his presence by the illumination of his holy Spirit. Beſides, Judas could never have repented, how long ſoever he had lived; for grace was quite taken from him, as it is now with me!
O Spira, ſaid they, you know you are in a ſpiritual desertion; you must therefore not believe what Satan ſuggests: He was ever a liar from the beginning, and a mere impostor, and will cast a thousand lying fancies into your mind, to beguile you withal; you must rather believe those whom you judge to be in a good ſtate, and more able to discern of you than yourself.- Believe us, and we tell you, that God will be merciful unto you.
There is the knot! ſaid Spira. Would I could believe, but I cannot.
Then he began to reckon up what fearful dreams and visions he was continually troubled with! That he ſaw the devils come flocking into the chamber and about his bed, terrifying him with ſtrange noises! That those were not fancies, but that he knew them as really as the by-standers. And that besides these outward terrors, he felt continually a racking torture in his mind, and a continual gnawing of his conſcience, being the very pangs of the damned.
Cast away these fancies, ſaid Gribauldus, these are but illusions; humble yourself in the presence of God, and praise him.
"The dead praise not the Lord, ſaid he, ⟨not⟩ they that go down to the pit,” We that ⟨are⟩ drowned in despair, are dead, and already ⟨gone⟩ down into the pit. What hell can be ⟨worse⟩ than desperation, or what greater punishment The gnawing worm! urquenchable fire! ⟨horror!⟩ confusion! and, which is worse than all, ​desperation itself continually torments me! And now I count my present ſtate worse than if my ſoul, ſeparated from my body, were with Judas, and the rest of the damned! and therefore now deſire rather to be there, than to live in the body!
They perceiving but ſmall effects of all their labour, but rather that he grew worse; for the avoiding of a concourse of people (for every day ſeldom fewer than twenty continued with him) and to ſtop the course of fame, which was continually blown abroad of him, they consulted to carry him back again into his own country: And those of his friends that came to comfort him, began to take their last leave of him.- Vergerius, among the rest, required, That at their parting they might pray together with him. Spira consented hardly, and as unwillingly performed: "For, ſaid he, my heart is estranged from God; I cannot call him Father from my heart; all good motions are quite gone; my heart is full of malediction, hatred, and blaſphemy against God! I find I grow more and more hardened in heart, and cannot stop myself. Your prayers for me ſhall turn to your own profit, they cannot do me any good."
Vergerius then came to take his leave of him; whom Spira embracing, ſaid, "Although I know that nothing can bring any benefit to me a reprobate, but that every thing ſhall tend to my deeper condemnation; yet I give you most hearty thanks for your kind offices of love and good-will; and the Lord return it unto you, with a plentiful increase of all good." ​The next day being brought down for his intended journey, by the way, looking round about him, with a ghastly look, he ſaw a knife lying on a table, to which he running haſtily, fnatched hold of it, as intending to do himseif mischief, but his friends laying hold of him, ſtopped him in his purpose. Whereupon, with indignation, he ſaid, I know God will not have mercy on me.
Thus went he homewards, often ſaying, That he envied the condition of Cain and Judas.
He lay about eight weeks in this condition, in a continual burning, neither deſiring, nor receiving any thing but by force, and that without digestion, ſo ſpent, that he appeared a perfect ſkeleton, nothing appearing but ſinews and bones, vehemently raging for drink; ever pining, yet fearful for living long; dreading hell, yet coveting death, in a continual torment, yet his own tormentor. And thus consuming himself with grief and horror, impatience and despair, like a living man in hell, he represented an extraordinary example of the justice and power of God, in puniſhing apoſtacy.
And thus, within a few days after his arrival at his own home, he departed this life.
From this we ought to remember, that ſecret things belong unto the Lord our God: and that that those who put their trust in him ſhall never be confounded: "For mercy hath he ever; and his grace faileth never."
F I N I S.
Falkirk- T. Johnston, Printer.
This work was published before January 1, 1929, and is in the public domain worldwide because the author died at least 100 years ago.
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