# The Truth about Marriage/Chapter26

CHAPTER XXVI
REMAINING IN LOVE
Now here comes along a little girl with a question who seems to be a pessimist. She has had a glimpse of the gloomy side of married life, perhaps, else how could she ask such questions as follow: "Do you believe that married people remain romantically in love? For example, when they see each other ungroomed? When poverty enters in? When they see so much of each other?"
These questions have been answered in actual life very happily; but they deserve consideration, and they are practical questions that everyone ought to ask himself or herself as to any particular person whom he or she contemplates as a married partner.
As to the first question, "Do you believe that married people remain romantically in love?"
In the first place, many people are not romantic when they marry. Some people are incapable of romance. I am sorry for them. They are sordid, animal-like. They have an animal-like contentment ​when their desires are gratified and when they are stroked the right way; but such people do not know what romance is.
And then there are people who are passionately romantic, whose words of endearment are poems in themselves, who think of the moon, and of moonlit waters, and love as strong as death, and jealousy as cruel as the grave. Many southern peoples, who live in tropical climates, are given up to such romanticism. Passion and romance make up their lives.
In the United States we are a little more sober, but nevertheless we have romantic people about us, not those who talk in poetry about their enamoratas who "walk in beauty like the night, Of cloudless climes and starry skies," but who nevertheless see their sweetheart's eyes as stars, her teeth as pearls, her lips as rubies, her smile as heaven.
As people grow older the hyperbole grows less strong; but they have imagination enough to realize the beauty of love and are able to sense the thrill of hearts that meet at the finger tips.
In answer to our question, "Do you believe that married people remain romantically in love?" I would say that those who are not romantic remain unromantic, and that those who are extravagantly romantic because of an exuberant imagination and passionate feelings probably do not remain romantic ​over the same person very long; they need new flowers to sip the honey from; but that those who are profoundly in love, from a true affection, which is lovingly reciprocated, remain romantic in the sweet and sober way that true lovers have always been romantic.
Love seems to many a kind of enchantment, producing a state of illusion, causing lovers to see life and one another in an unreal way; but actually it is to life what the fragrance and coloring and gracefulness of the rose are to the rose. Without fragrance and coloring and gracefulness the rose is not a rose. Without love life is not really life, but hard and cold and barren as a rock.
Now for people who are truly in love it does not injure their love one little bit to see the other ungroomed. For such people poverty does not separate, but only draws them nearer together and makes them mutually brave. And nothing is so delightful for such people than to see each other continually. I know people who never tire of each other's company.
Of course, if there were many marriages of that kind the world would have a better idea of marriage, and there would be fewer divorces; less unhappiness of every kind.
I am persuaded from my observation that there are many such marriages, and I am convinced that ​such marriages can be made the rule if true ideals of marriage prevail and people entering into marriage study themselves and the other person a little more closely. And especially if they try to fit themselves for marriage by preparing to give happiness instead of demanding everything for self and selfish ends.
Of course, there can be no true marriage, no ideally happy marriage, unless both parties are sincere and sincerely unselfish, genuinely ready to give appreciation and love to the other without stint.