# The Truth about Marriage/Chapter22

CHAPTER XXII
CAN WE LOVE TWO AT THE SAME TIME
Now here is a question that people honestly ask, and it is an interesting one, "Can you be in love with two people at the same time so that you might marry either?"
I am quite sure that myriads of girls have hesitated a long time between two men, not knowing which one to choose, and it seemed to her that she could be happy with either one. Sometimes it is a case of one man who is wel-to-do and even clever, and another who is not so well-off in worldly goods and yet makes a deeper appeal to the affections. Both are in love with her. What shall she do?
The rejected one is going to be an unhappy man, and she does not want either one to suffer. Perhaps her parents, and even her friends, urge strongly the man of means and position. She realizes that it will be pleasant to have a luxurious home, with cars and servants and opportunity to travel and entertain. What shall she do?
​It may be that the other fellow has great ability and will some day come to the front, but how can one be sure of it? It is not pleasant to live in comparative social obscurity. And yet love is after all the indispensable thing in marriage.
For such a girl I would recommend that she take at least a week off and get away from her environment, get completely away from her lovers, and think the matter out frankly, doing justice to her own inner and higher nature.
It may be that she cannot very well get on without luxury. In that case let her sell herself to him who offers most in worldly goods. If she feels that she cannot make the sacrifice required to marry the poorer suitor, so much the better for him. However great his disappointment, it is better than marriage to the girl to whom wealth appeals more deeply than love.
My theory is that true marriage is a marriage of souls, and that each one of us has only one true mate in all the world, but to realize such a marriage one must be true to the highest instincts within one's nature.
Then there is the man that is faced by the possibility of marriage with either one of two girls who apparently love him, and for whom he has in each case a sincere regard. Which one shall he choose? ​While he might marry either one, it is certain that he will not be equally happy with either one. And it may be that neither one in his true mate. Men often seem to have an infinite capacity for falling in love, but how deep and true is the love of such a man?
I remember the case of a man I knew who fell desperately in love with one girl after another, but the girls did not respond to his appeal. Then came two sisters into his life. He finally married the one who was not at all adapted to him, who did not sympathize with him, did not understand him.
Her sister did understand him and would have made him a wonderful wife, for she loved him most devotedly. He really did not love either, he only fancied he did. His married life was a failure.
Of course, one cannot love two people of the opposite sex at the same time in the way that one ought to love his wife. He may think he loves either one well enough to marry her. A polygamist can divide up his regard among many women, but a polygamist does not know what marriage is, for marriage is the love of one man for one woman. A polygamist has the regard for his wives that a rooster has for his hens, and many men are of the polygamous type. They have never developed out of the animal class.