# Wizards of Waverly Place (season 1)

21 Episodes by October 12, 2007 - August 31, 2008

### Episode 1.Crazy 10 Minutes Sale

    Justin: Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit]
    Jerry: Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now!
    Max: What's the big deal? They're rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves.
    Gigi: Bonjour Alex. Bonjour Alex's friend.
    Harper: Nice shoes!
    [Alex gives Harper a look]
    Harper: I mean.. Pfft! I don't care about you or your shoes!
    Gigi: Yeah. I've had these shoes for about a week. Oh, I mean I'd give them to you, but I'm already donating them to :another charity.
    Alex: No! You should keep them. They go well with your eyebrow.
    Gigi: Well, at least I don't have man-hands. How do you get those meat-stubs through your sleeves?
    Harper: And what happened to you two? Pick your noses so hard they fell off?
    Gigi: They got nose jobs.
    Gigi's Copycat Crew: When they heal, they'll look exactly like Gigi's!
    Alex: [sarcasm] When's Gigi's gonna heal!?
    Alex: So what you are saying is that getting back at Gigi was really hurting myself?
    Jerry: No, but I like that better.
    Alex: Well, since I figured that one out, I should pick my own punishment?
    Jerry: No. Why don't you take my punishment, and duplicate it? You're grounded for 1 week.
    Alex: Does that mean 2 weeks?!
    Jerry: Oh, now it's four. I love this game!

### Episode 2.First Kiss

    Alex: You know a lot of stuff about stuff people don't care about, which is great. But I know relationships. I know how girls think!
    Justin: So do I! They're right brained dominant and they have a slightly larger hyper-tholimus!
    Alex: There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about.
    Justin: You may find this hard to believe, but...I've never kissed a girl before.
    Alex: [smugly] I find it hard to believe that you think I'd find that hard to believe.
    Alex: Alright, this is what we're gonna do. First of all, take out five dollars.
    Alex: I need $5 dollars.
    Alex: Second, tomorrow when you walk her to school, take her to by that old scary abandon house in the corner.
    Justin: Right, cause she'll think I'm brave.
    Alex: No, you'll get scared and she'll comfort you, and that's when you plant one on her.
    Justin: Ok, that's a great idea.
    Alex: Thanks, you have five ones for this five?
    Justin: Umm... [takes out another 5 dollars]
    Alex: Great, cause my five was lonely
    Max: What's Deja Vu?
    Jerry: It's when you feel like something happened before.
    Alex: For example, dad you have five dollars?
    Jerry: umm.. Why?
    Alex: Cause I need five dollars.. Deja Vu, huh Justin?
    Justin: So Alex, what was your first kiss like?
    Alex: You know, it was in this place...with this guy...and it was very romantic. Over Christmas Vacation.
    Max: We went to Grandma's over Christmas Vacation.
    Justin: Wait a minute! You haven't kissed a guy yet! [smugly] I so have this over you now!
    Alex: No you don't!
    Justin: I know so when I go to school tomorrow and tell everyone you've never kissed anyone, no one'll care.
    Alex: Hey Justin!
    [Justin looks over at Alex. Alex grabs a random boy and kisses him.]
    Alex: Now you've got nothing over me!

### Episode 3.I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain

    Justin: I'm gonna get even!
    Alex: Hah-yeah. Okay. That'll never happen. Remember the time you wanted to get "even with me"? I got the bigger bedroom and you got what?
    Justin: [he says embarrased] Shot-gun on that one trip to the outlet mall..
    Alex: Exactly, some things never change!
    Alex: Oh! Some chocolate! Oh wait, that's not a straw!
    Max: We didn't play paintball!
[Theresa opens the curtains and the windows are covered with bright colored splotches]
    Justin: ...What are pigeons eating now a'days?

### Episode 4.New Employee

    Gurt Barn Lady: [takes picture of Harper] [monotone voice] I know you've only been working here four hours, but congratulations. You're Employee of the Month. I almost won it 4 times, but I lost cause I take too many breaks. That reminds me. It's time for my break.
    Alex and Harper: [Singing the Funky Hat Song] What's that? A hat? Crazy, funky, junky hat! Overslept? Hair unsightly? Trying to look like Keira Knightley? We've been there, we've done that! We see right through your funky hat!
    Frankie: AAAHH! He's after me!!!

### Episode 5.Disenchanted Evening

    Justin: You don't know our dad. He'll throw a tantrum. And you'll know because it sounds like this. Wadigibadee hobadee ha! HA! ALEX!"
    Jerry: Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model]
    T.J.: I'll show you a lair!
    Max: [To Alex] Wow, you weren't kidding He really does do that.
    Jerry: [Throwing a tantrum, the spell broken] It's! Gah! Mars! Who- !? ALEX!!?
    Alex: Maybe it's not so ridiculous!
    Max: Not to mention she left me on Mars.
[Jerry and Teresa look both shocked and angry]
    Alex: H-He's right, it's completely my fault.
    Jerry: You are in SO MUCH trouble, young lady!
    Alex: ...I know. (she hugs him, and he points his finger up speechlessly)
    Alex: That's not magic.
    Justin: How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then used magic to remember it?
    Alex: Because you made up a locker combination song.
    Alex (with Justin joining in): Right to clear it come on let's hear it! 23, left 8 digits, but don't fidget, 31. Now for the last, don't go too fast! 6 and you're off to class! WHOO!
    Justin: Mom and Dad are charmed? WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHO?!
    Alex: Mom and Dad.
    Justin: WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?!
    Alex: At Dinner.
    Justin: WHAT?! HOW?!
    Alex: It was in the Kugel.
    Justin: WHAT?!
    Alex: Justin, I think you know what!

### Episode 7.Alex's Choice

    Alex: No I got a D on the test. I'm pretty sure I'm right.
    Alex: What happened to your faces? Applied your makeup with a hammer?
    Gigi: [Laughs with her friends]
    Harper: You didn't come for the tea. You came to protect me.
    Alex: I'll always be there to protect you.
    Alex: [Searches her spellbook] Truth spell. Truth spell. [Reads and casts the spell] Some are evil, some are kind, now all must speak their mind.
    Alex: Oh, this is going better than I thought. Hey everybody! I'm a wizard!
    Everyone: Huh!?
    Alex: Just kidding!

### Episode 8.Curb Your Dragon

    Justin: C'mon guys, hurry! We've got to go check on Dragon!
    Max: Why? If anyone messes with him, he'll just breathe fire.
    Alex: (Annoyed) That's what we're worried about.
    Max: What? I thought we just didn't want him to take leaks in the house.
    Justin: Hey guys. Gotta go check on dragon.
    Theresa: Wait, Justin.
    Alex: What's going on?
    Theresa: Those flyers you put up worked. Dragon's rightful owner came and picked him up.
    Alex: His owner?
    Theresa: I'm sorry, honey.
    Frankie: You lost your found dog? Why don't you rest your head on Frankie's shoulder and tell him ALL about it?
    Alex: I would, but I don't have time for you to get a ladder.
    Frankie: The guy came out with the dog and bought this. A program for the Hudson Dog Show.
    Alex: The Hudson Dog Show? When is it?
    Frankie: Why dontcha buy a copy and find out?
    Alex: I have to buy it?
    Frankie: Would I come into your restaurant, lick a sandwich and leave? ZINGER! That'll be $8.00 please.
    Alex: Ugh, okay.... ( reads the program) IT'S TODAY! I'd like to return this for a refund. ( takes money back) ZINGERR!

### Episode 9.Movies

    Theresa: Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me!
    Max: But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash.
    Theresa: Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash.
[Jerry gives her the WHAT look, and she gives him the DO IT look]
    Max: Thank you, daddy.
    Jerry: Save it.
    Jerry: Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do?
    Alex: I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.
    Jerry: Okay, yes, but Mom's not here.
    Justin: Wheres Mom?
    Jerry: It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country.
    Justin: She left the country? Why, is she ok?
    Jerry: Yes, she's fine.
    Alex: Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich.
    Jerry: Here, I've already written one down for you, just read that and concentrate.
    Max: Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich]
    Jerry: You see what I just did there? I just illustrated the dangers of "Spell Improv". [Justin is about to eat Max] Ha-di-di-da! You have to use your words very carefully because in the Wizard World they take you literally. So, when Max said "Make me a peanut butter and jelly," they made him a peanut butter and jelly. [Justin begins to open Max and throws him back onto the couch] Yhoy!
    Alex: Oh, I get it! Let me try it. Although I love such tasty snacks, I'd rather have my brother Max. [Max turns back into a human]
    Justin: Hello!
    Max: [To Justin] Hey, thanks for not eating me.
    Jerry: Alex, you're a natural.
    Alex: Thanks, that wasn't even true!
    Justin: I'm sensing you have a devious and poorly thought out plan to get into this Ruby Donahue movie. I'm gonna ask you to leave me out of it.
    Alex: Gladly. [As they walk away from each other, Alex gets in an isolated space.] I'm old enough to hang with actress model spokeswoman Ruby Donahue, so get me into Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2. [Alex is zapped away and is in an unvacant room with lots of pajama-clad teenagers]
    Alex: Is that Ruby Donahue over there?
    Party Member: No, silly! That's Bambi, the sensitive one! Just stay in character and scream when it's your turn.
    Alex: [Alex, confused, walks towards the screen and finds out she is in the actual Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2 film] Oh, my goodness, I'm in the movie.
    Party Member: And just in time, too! We're about to have a super fun Halloween pillow fight in our pajamas!
    Alex: Aren't you a little old to be in a sorority?
    Party Member: Aren't you a little young?
    Alex: Fair enough. [grabs a pillow and begins smashing it over the guest while everybody does the same. Suddenly a phone rings, causing everybody to stop in fear] What's the matter? It just a phone...why did the music get all scary?
    Justin: [plays arcade games and stops upon seeing his friends] Why are you guys out of the movie? It's not even over yet!
    Friend #1: Justin, that movie is WAY too scary! There's somethings in life you cannot unsee!
    Justin: Where's Alex? She said she'd catch up with you guys.
    Friend #2: She never did. But weirdly enough, there's an actress in the movie that looked just like her.
    Justin: Really?
    Friend #2: Yeah, and she even sounded kinda like her, and she was wearing the exact same outfit as her. Weird, right?
    Justin: [now understanding that Alex did a spell on herself to get in the movie, he begins making sarcastic answers] Yeah, that's weird. What'd you get on that deductive reasoning test?
    Friend #2: 99%, why?
    Justin: Now that‍'‍s even weirder. Would you guys excuse me for a moment? [runs to the same isolated space Alex was in] Alex Russo has messed up and put herself in a movie. Put me also in that movie. [fails to get zapped] That didn't even sound like a spell. OK, what rhymes with "movie"? Boovy, juvy, loovy, PLANT! [realizes that "movie" and "plant" don't rhyme] Plant...this is going to take a while. [leans against the wall, looking for a spell that will work]
    Alex: Hey, you're Ruby Donahue!
    Ruby: Who are you?
    Alex: Alex.
    Ruby: Are you the evil sorority sister who's come back from the grave to punish us for our cute but reckless destruction of perfectly good pillows?!?!
    Alex: What? No! I'm just a kid, I don't even know what I'm doing in this movie.
    Ruby: Me neither. This was all my agent's idea!
    Alex: Oooh, there's that music again! Where's it coming from?
    Ruby: This is the part where I run screaming into the showers for no reason at all.
    Alex: Well, it was nice meetin' ya.
    Ruby: You too!
    Justin: [finally getting inside the movie] ...in a groovy movie! little 1970s but it worked.
    Theresa: [after seeing two movie clerks talking about two new characters in Night of the Halloween Sorority Party Disaster 2] Miss, two tickets for that, uh, disaster...party--bingo!--Halloween thing, yeah.

### Episode 11.Potion Commotion

    Jerry: Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat.
    Alex: Oh not the hat!
    Max: What hat?
    Alex: Dad that hats so ugly!
    Max: What hat?!?!
    Theresa: I cant believe my mijito is ready for the hat!
    Max: Somebody tell me about the hat already!

### Episode 12.Justin's Little Sister

    Justin: Oh, so its like giving a burgler your money so he doesn't steal it!
    Max: I know a Jeannie. Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's dont like it when you flick them in the ear. Thats lesson number one.
    Jerry: No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. Shes bigger than you.
    Alex: I fell asleep on table 5 one night, its pretty comfortable.
    Justin: What did you do!?
    Alex: Max, how would you get a genie to come back to her lamp?
    Max: I know, orange soda.
    Alex: What?
    Max: If someone poured orange soda in my room i'd be really mad.
    Theresa: You spilled orange soda in your room again didn't you? What did we say about taking it up there?
    Max: See shes really mad and going to my room.
    Alex: Please believe me. You have to believe me. You can't let him be invisible forever; I grew up with him. You know he may dorky, and annoying, but he's fun, and gullible to pull pranks. He's my brother I need him back.

### Episode 13.Wizard School, Part 1

    Alex:(sees Justin in wizard's clothing) You know, you remind me of someone…Terry something? Umm…Barry something? Larry something? Oh, never mind.
    Jerry:WOULD IT HURT TO GET US A LITTLE TURKEY JERKY?!?
    Jerry:(Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) AHH! THE...PORTAL...G...G...[SCREAMS]
    Theresa:Okay, and on the way we can pick up your new wizard's robes!
    Justin:Oh, no, Mom. They do just black bathrobes now. Wizard's robes are too formal for these casual times.
    Door: [SINGSONGING] DUN-DUN-DUN...

### Episode 14.Wizard School, Part 2

    Justin: I'll see you in the finals, jerk.
    Hugh Normous: [during 12 ball semi-finals] He did it! He hit the tattler!
    Jerko Phoenix: Looks like it's just you, me and destiny.
    Jerry: Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.
    Salad Girl: That's what the hot dog guy in Washington Square Park said.
    Max: Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station!
    Jerry: Hey, it's working.
    Salad Girl: Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy.
    Max: Salads are un-American!!
    Dr Evilini: Did my messenger fish just tell you my evil plan?
    Alex: No.
    Messenger Fish: All right, this time pay attention, 'Dear Mamma, you'd be proud to know that after the twelve ball tournament reveals the best young wizard I will drain [Alex puts hand over the messenger fish's mouth]
    Alex: Ok, maybe he did tell me.

### Episode 15.The Supernatural

    Alex: Oh, come on, she isn't that cute!
    Justin: Yes, she is!
    Alex: No, she isn't!
    Justin: Uh huh.

### Episode 16.Alex in the Middle

    Alex: Wow. Dad is mad inside and out.
    Kelbo: Okay, let's talk about it. (disappears with the kids)

### Episode 17.Report Card

    Jerry: Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up.
    Alex: Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove!
    Jerry: No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up.
    Max: This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I?
[The Russo siblings are taking a spell exam and Justin got an answer on one question]
    Justin: Got it.
    Alex: Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.
    Max: [surprised] We're taking an exam?
[Prof. Crumbs has arrived at the Russo household to collect the Russo siblings' exams and grade them]
    Max: Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?
    Professor Crumbs: So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.
    Alex : [batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?
    Justin: [mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.
[Alex's parents have just seen her report card]
    Jerry: Hey, what's that?
    Alex: [hastily] Uh...
[takes out her wand]
    Alex: These parents are now not...
    Jerry: What're you doing?
    Alex: ...two guinea pigs should fill their slot.
[Jerry and Theresa are turned into guinea pigs. Alex is shocked]
    Alex: What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to buy myself more time.
    Report Card: To do what?
    Alex: To panic!
    Justin: I don't know why you guys even bothered taking that test. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.
    Jerry: That's not for a long while, Justin.
    Alex: And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.
    Justin: Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And, you don't take any of this magic seriously.
    Alex: I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?
    Professor Crumbs: No, but I am.
    Alex: [Professor Crumbs, who was about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!
    Jerry: [shocked] Justin?
    Justin: ...I panicked!
    Alex: This is my problem not yours. Don't let me drag you down.
    Justin: But you don't drag me down. I don't want you to lose your powers. Everytime you mess up; I have to think of a way to fix it. You make me a better wizard.
    Report Card: Hey kid, I can tell you how to get rid of a bad report card.
    Alex: Really? How?
    Report Card: Get good grades.
    Alex: I hate you.
    Justin: Hate you too. (they look at eachother for a bit, then hug)
    Alex: ...And if it means that much to you, i'll sign your tortilla petition.

### Episode 18.Credit Check

    Alex: I quit. [Grabs Harper's arm] And we're going to the kitchen...[Everyone gasps] to eat...[more gasps] And we don't care who watches!

### Episode 19.Alex's Spring Fling

    Justin: [On the phone talking to his Mom] So you and Dad crossed over into New Jersary right, Then It's official I'm in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, If their was THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge.
    Alex: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge!
    Justin: Alex, you just ruined my new clothes.
    Alex: Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash.
    Max: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!
Episode 20.Quinceanera
Grandma: I talked to your mom. She thinks your dad could lose 5 more pounds too.
Richard (in Justin's body): What am I doing here? Candace (in Max's body): "I dunno. But like all the trouble spots I've been into all my life. I'm gonna dance my way out."
(Music plays and they start to dance)
Richard (in Justin's body): If you were 15 years older I would ask you out
Teresa (in Alex's body): Okay this just got really weird
(Now they do the swan)
Richard (in Justin's body): Leap into my arms, I got you baby.
Candace (in Max's body): Arms out, hold it girl, you're a swan.

### Episode 21.Art Museum Piece

[Alex]blah blah blah [The scream] shhh !