# Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 3)

The following is a list of quotes from the third season of Ed, Edd n Eddy.

## Wish You Were Ed

    Ed: Rolf is homesick.
    Eddy: [sarcastically] What planet are you from?!
    Ed: Blame my parents, Eddy.

## Momma's Little Ed

    Eddy: See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference.
    Ed: That is so lame, Eddy.
    Eddy: And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?
    Ed: Dare to compare. [shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents]
    Eddy: Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?
    Ed: Yes, I will.
    [As one of Ed and Eddy's sticky note pranks, Edd has to get a cup of sugar from the Kanker sisters]
    Edd: Hello? Oh, I-I was going to-
    Marie: Ask me for a date?
    May: Sweep me off my feet?
    Lee: Stand in line, girls.
    Edd: Oh yes...C-Could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?
    Marie: He wants to share condiments.
    May: We're so alike.
    Marie: [punching May] Back off, bowser!
    Lee: Marie, grab him before he runs away.
    Eddy: This is better than cable.
    Edd: [as the Kankers hug him] Ladies, please!
    May: We're ladies.
    Lee: He said please.
    Marie: Let's kiss him.
    Edd: Kiss? No, not that!
    Eddy: And I thought today was gonna be a write-off. Get it? Write off? [the cup flies overhead] I can't stand it! [laughs]
    [Edd crawls by, hiding inside his hat]
    Ed: Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!
    Edd: [freaking out] IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! [calming down] I can't go on. There's only one solution; I'll just move in with one of you.
    Ed: Move in with me! Move in with me!
    Eddy: [sarcastically] Yeah, Lumpy could use some company.
    Ed: We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom.

## Once Upon An Ed

    Jonny: Hey! How'd you guys get inside my wall? [to Plank] What's that? Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops.
    Eddy: [irritated] Hey, Plank! Ever took a tour of a toothpick factory?!
    Edd: Eddy, manners!
    [After Eddy's made-up story]
    Edd: "The square root of a piece of pie"?
    Eddy: What?
    Edd: Pure fiction, Eddy. Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie.
    Ed: Tsk, tsk, tsk. I have never heard such language.
    Jonny: Don't stop now! What happened next?! What happened next?!
    Edd: [in his own story] Take note; as I am a-
    Eddy: [as a goofy Edd] "Stupid Sockhead, and a babbling dweeb who can't lift a butterfly,..." [back to reality] "...and I wish I was as good-lookin' as Eddy."
    Jonny: Boy, this story stinks. Plank and I want a real story, with stuff like octopus' gardens, silver hammers, and Mr. Kite!
    Eddy: Open a window, Jonny, and get some air.
    [In Ed's story, the giant mutant Kankers fuse their heads into one]
    Eddy: Ed, your story's getting weird.
    [Hearing the noise]
    Eddy: I don't have a good feeling about this.
    Ed: I don't have any feeling at all!

## For Your Ed Only

    [Both Jonny and Plank ended up in China]
    Jonny: [amazed] Wow! China! [now scared] Just like in the cartoons!
    Ed: [scared] It's Sarah! We're so doomed! Help me, guys! She'll tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and he'll say "Not now, I just got home from work."! I'm not in my happy place, Eddy!

## It Came From Outer Ed

    [Edd drops Mr. Yum-Yum on the 'Q']
    Ed: Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a 'Q'.
    Edd: Excuse me? Ed, I think somewhere on the line you've lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential. [Ed munches on a dog biscuit] Is that a doggie treat?
    Ed: [mouthful] What's the rock for, Double D?
    Edd: [drops the rock on his foot] MY FOOT!!!
    Jonny: Let's tickle them till they wet their pants.
    Eddy: Well, let's not jump to anything rash.
    Ed: Fools! Evil Tim has beckoned you all! For you will all pay with your brains!
    Eddy: Brains? What're we gonna do with brains?

## 3 Squares And An Ed

    Eddy: What happened to the stairs?!?!
    Ed: My parents took them down because I am grounded.
    Edd: That's...disturbing.

## Dueling Eds

    Eddy: What could be more important than Master Eddy?
    Ed: COOKIE DOUGH!
    Edd: They say in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it.
    Eddy: [sarcastically] Oh, boo hoo. I hurt Rolf's stupid fish ball.
    Edd: It's not the fish ball, Eddy! You hurt Rolf's feelings!

## Dim Lit Ed

    [Jonny's head is stuck between two branches]
    Edd: Jonny, not again.
    Jonny: Yep, this happens to me a lot, Double D.
    Edd: Didn't you learn from your past mistakes? I mean, it's just common sense.
    [Long pause]
    Jonny: I guess not. [giggles]
    Kevin: [quizzical] Is this thing supposed to be dead?
    Eddy: The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just, uh... [nudges Edd]
    Edd: [annoyed; playing along] Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be 25 cents.
    Jonny: [lays down a quarter] Sold!
    Edd: [dumbfounded] I'm surrounded by idiots.
    Eddy: Who's complaining?

## Will Work for Ed

    Rolf: [repeated line] Nincompoop!
    [Eddy is on strike]
    Eddy: [chanting] Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk!-
    Jonny: [interrupts] We hate broccoli!
    [Pause]
    Eddy: [resumes chanting] Ain't gonna work!

## Ed, Ed and Away

    Kevin: I'll get you, dork! After I find some ointment, ouch. [leaves]
    Eddy: What's with that? I did everything my dad does. How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie.
    Edd: Well, it certainly couldn't be the fact we manufactured the biker from HAND-ME-DOWN KITCHENWARE! Ten hours of hard work, and for what?
    Ed: To fleece the masses.
    Eddy: Check's in the mail, Ed.
    [Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]
    Eddy: Gimme that balloon, Sarah!
    Sarah: Gimme, Gimme never gets!

## X Marks the Ed

    Eddy: [high pitched voice] What happened to my head?!
    Ed: It is so puny!
    Edd: This is worthy of a noble prize!
    Eddy: What'd ya do to me, you quack?!
    Rolf: Quack? I am Rolf.
    Eddy: You're a quack! Quack, quack quack!
    Rolf: I am not a duck. I am Rolf.
    Edd: How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?
    Rolf: What?
    Ed: My turn for shrinkage, Rolf.
    Eddy: Fix me!
    Edd: Tell me.
    Ed: Shrink me!
    Rolf: Stay back!
    Eddy: Get him! [chasing Rolf] Wait till I get my hands on you! Fix my head, ya quack!
    Ed: He's Rolf.

## From Here to Ed

    Edd: Where did you exhume this from, Ed?
    Ed: Brick-a-brack from right under my bed, Double D.
    Edd: Ed, Eddy's overzealous attempts to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail.
    Ed: Napkin please.
    Edd: I should've known better.

## Ed or Tails

    Eddy: [to Jimmy] Are you unconshi, unconshy? [shows the word to Edd] Ahem.
    Edd: Unconscious, Eddy.
    Eddy: Dead from the neck up?
    Ed: Could you pull my finger, Rolf?
    Rolf: No.
    [Ed cries]

## Boys Will Be Eds

    [All 5 boys are staring at Nazz, who berates them for making fun of Jimmy, in a romantic way]
    Kevin: Man, Nazz looks awesome today.
    Jonny: I wanna write Nazz a poem, and I hate writing.
    Ed: Double D? My tummy feels all wiggly and crawly inside.
    Edd: That's nice, Ed.
    Eddy: I feel like the Nazz on the back of my Nazz is standing on Nazz.
    Edd: That's nice, Ed.
    Edd: There's something bewitching about Nazz today. An unusual enchantment. [unwittingly steps on Ed's face as he walks off] A happening of sorts.
    Eddy: She's happening, all right. [follows Edd, also stepping on Ed's face]
    Ed: I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?
    Edd: Nazz is as graceful as a gazelle leaping through a field of buttercups...
    Eddy: Yeah...a ga-whatchamacallit...
    Kevin: [in thought] She's so radical.
    Eddy: [in thought] She can't keep her eyes off me.
    Edd: [in thought] Her hair is so clean and not fly-away at all.
    Ed: [in thought] Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!
    Eddy: Nazz would love a new bike.
    Ed: Or a new toilet?
    Kevin: [taking back his bike] Not the bike, dork.

## Gimme Gimme Never Ed

    Edd: That's it, Jimmy. Distribute your weight. Balance.
    Jimmy: That tickles.
    Edd: Yes and now try standing.
    Jimmy: Don't let me fall! [eventually manages to stand up on the wooden board inside Edd's pool] Hot diggety dog! I'm surfing!
    Eddy: Not quite there, mini-kahuna, but if you're brave enough, we at Ed's Surf School will teach you how to flip the lip, hang ten, or shave the barrel, for an additional fee, of course. [opens a soda] Can you handle it?
    Jimmy: I'm stoked! Teach me! Teach me! [starts to lose balance] AH! Don't let go! Don't let go!
    Edd: I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy.
    Jonny: Too bad! Plank was just aching to try a new ride! [laughs] One time Plank went on a roller coaster 119 times in a row. Whew! I chucked biscuits after that, didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day; a regular Rockefeller.
    Eddy: Plank gets an allowance? Have I got a ride for you. [grabs Plank and throws him in he air]
    Jonny: Plank?!
    Eddy: Nice ride, huh, Plank? That'll be 25 cents.
    Jonny: Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy. He won't pay for kiddie rides.
    Eddy: Well, you tell that doorstop Eddy's got a ride that will round his corners. And it's cheap, cheap, cheap.
    Jonny: Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy.
    Eddy: I'll take that as a yes.
    Edd: I object. My skin is still prune from that surf school fiasco.
    Eddy: Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill of a lifetime? Let's get to work. [hands Plank to Ed] Who says money can't buy happiness?
    Ed: [to Plank] Hello, my name is Ed.

## My Fair Ed

    [Both Ed and Eddy ran through the eggplant garden while the latter chases Ed with a broccoli Ed hates]
    Rolf: [climbing out of the knocked-down outhouse] Can't Rolf have one moment of peace? [looks at the damaged eggplant garden] MY EGGPLANTS!!!

## Rock-A-Bye Ed

    Ed: [in his nightmare] Mom, Sarah's fibbing! Honest and for truly! I was in my happy place lost in the void of my mind!
    Edd: Oh Ed, wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?
    Ed: You bet! Do you think they will like peanut butter?
    Edd: Oh, I'm sure they will.

## O-Ed 11

    Edd: Not that is out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?
    Eddy: He keeps his snake in the trunk. [opens it] Huh. The little weasel must have escaped again.
    Edd: Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh- [runs into a stuffed camel]
    Eddy: Hey, watch the camel! I said, no touching.
    Ed: [walking by in the background whilst tied to the chair] Wow, I wish I had a room like this.
    [The Eds are hiding under the Kankers' trailer]
    Edd: This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy.
    Eddy: Let's get the stash and get out of here.
    Ed: Is that you tickling me, Eddy?
    Eddy: There you are. Oh, man, I can see it now. Mansions, yachts, friends. [opens the suitcase]
    Edd: Wishbones?
    [May slams the case shut and takes it]
    Eddy: I'm so confused.
    Edd: I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy.
    Lee: Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh, girls?
    Marie: Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too.
    May: [holding the case] Hey, I forgot where I hid these.

## The Luck of the Ed

    Ed: I was walking on the sidewalk until I saw a bug. Hello bug. I walked up to this tree and hit my head on this branch. Sorry, it was this one. And I gazed at the stars.
    Edd: Ed, please don't do that.
    Eddy: C'mon, we're wasting time. Where'd you hide the magazines, Ed?
    Ed: Rubber chicken, Eddy. [he pulls one out of his jacket, tosses it away, and runs down the street] Hide the box, hide the box I said. [he slips on the chicken] But then I tripped! Hanging on to my pal's box of magazines, for dear life, I fell. [he falls and slides down the street] And slid into a sewer.
    Eddy: A SEWER?! [sticks his head into the sewer] My magazines are in the SEWER?!
    Edd: Seems appropriate. You realize if your magazines are in that sewer, Eddy, they'd be totally illegible, the text smeared by the damp sludge.
    Eddy: It's the pictures I'm worried about.
    [Edd has pressed Ed's face between two glass plates]
    Eddy: What's with Ed's face?
    Edd: Will you just let me do this, Eddy?
    [Edd is looking at germs through Ed's face with a microscope]
    Edd: Ed, there's a new invention called soap; have you heard of it?
    Edd: A moment please, read a magazine or something.
    Eddy: Read a magazine? I would if I knew where Ed hid 'em.
    Edd: Oh. You read those?

## Ed...Pass It On...

    Edd: [opens the food cover] Bon appetite!
    Jonny: [disgusted] FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!
    [We see the naked Ed pouring himself with gravy on the platter]
    Edd: ED! You were suppose to use the real turkey!
    Ed: Stuffing, anybody?
    Eddy: [slams the food cover on Ed] Idiot!

## Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?

    Ed: Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with.
    Edd: But how can something so bad taste so good?

## The Day the Ed Stood Still

    Rolf: Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd.
    Edd: What have I done?! I've actually created a monster!
    [As Edd tries to convince Eddy to help him free the kids, the Ed monster appears]
    Eddy: What? [he takes out a jar to collect fees for freeing the kids and saliva drips into the jar] No skin off my bones. Who's first?
    [Eddy notices that his jar is filled with drool and looks up to see the Ed monster looming over him. But before he can be eaten, Edd pulls him out of the way]
    Eddy: HE WANTS THE SKIN OFF MY BONES, DOUBLE D!!

## Don't Rain on My Ed

    Edd: Ed! Eddy! Help me! [He is clinged to the ground by May’s teeth] Wait, Please, you don’t understand!
    Lee: There’s two of them, May!
    Marie: Yeah, but at least she’s got the cute one! [they surround Edd and begin to kiss him]
    Ed: [realizing that Edd is in danger] DOUBLE D! EDDY!
    Eddy: [ignores him] No time, Ed, Jawbreakers!

## Once Bitten, Twice Ed

    Baron O'Beefdip: Now eat your mattress.
    Ed: Yum.
    Edd: [comes to Ed's room with Ed's rocket stuck in his ear.] Excuse me, Ed, but is this your- GOOD LORD MAN!
    Ed: [As he finishes swallowing his mattress] That hit the spot.