# Hey Arnold! (season 4)

    Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main | Films: Hey Arnold!: The Movie / Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie
Hey Arnold! is an American animated television series that aired on Nickelodeon. The show centers on a fourth grader named Arnold, who lives with his grandparents in an inner-city tenement in Hillwood, Washington.

### Full Moon/Student Teacher [4.01]

    Harold: [heard Principal Wartz coming out of his office] Here he comes. Get ready on three, [Harold, Stinky, and Sid put on some masks and turn around] one...
    Arnold: Are you really gonna go through this?
    Harold: Shh! Two... [they unzip and grab their pants, Principal Wartz walks down the hallway] Three! [everyone except Arnold bends over]
    Principal Wartz: What the — what is this? [puts on his glasses and sees Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him] Oh, my! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid pull up their pants, and run down the hallway laughing] Come back here, you hooligans! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid ran out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting] You won't get away with this. [to Arnold] You there! Where do you think you are going, young man?
    Arnold: But, Principal Wartz, I told you, I didn't do anything.
    Principal Wartz: Well, that maybe, but you saw the hooligans who did do it.
    Arnold: Yeah.
    Principal Wartz: Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. Just give me their names. Last name, first.
    Arnold: I can't do that.
    Principal Wartz: This isn't a joke, young man. Do you think exposing portions of your anatomy to your school principal is funny?
    Arnold: Well, I guess it depends...
    Principal Wartz: Depends on what?
    Arnold: The situation.
    Principal Wartz: Mooning is not funny. It's NOT a game. You may think it's a harmless schoolyard prank, but let me assure you: it is NOT-- someone could put an eye out.
    Arnold: Because of mooning.
    Principal Wartz: I'll ask the questions here. Now, let me see, for the last time, you tell me the names of the boys that exposed themselves.
    Arnold: I can't do that, Principal Wartz.
    Principal Wartz: Of course you can. It's easy.
    Arnold: If I told you, then, I'd be ratting on the other guys. And I can't do that.
    Principal Wartz: I'm assigning you detention.
    Arnold: Detention? But why?
    Principal Wartz: Failure to cooperate. I want to see you every day in my office after school for the next four weeks.
    Arnold: Four weeks, but, sir, I...
    Principal Wartz: Have a nice day. Now, let me see, what is the name of our art teacher? Mrs. Flaunt, yes. Ask her to come in here, please, would you? And tell her to bring her sketch pad.
    Harold: Hey, Arnold. You didn't tell on us, didn't ya?
    Arnold: No, I didn't tell.
    Harold: What did Wartz do to you?
    Arnold: He gave me four weeks detention.
    Sid: Four weeks?
    Stinky: But you didn't even do anything.
    Arnold: I know, Stinky.
    Harold: You better not rat on us, Arnold! 'Cause you know what will happen if you do!
    Arnold: I won't tell.
    Stinky: You think maybe it ain't fair for Arnold to take the blame for what we did?
    Sid: You mean like, maybe we should tell Wartz that we the ones who mooned him and get Arnold off the hook?
    Harold: [jumps out of frustration] No, no, no! Arnold got caught; that's his fault, not ours. We got away with what we did and that's all that counts. Nobody is going into Wartz's office and telling him what we did. Nobody! You got it?
    Sid: I guess there's no sense in all three of us getting detention.
    Stinky: Hmm. I guess you're right, Harold. You figured he'll crack and spill the beans?
    Gerald: Four weeks?! Why, that's hard time, Bubba.
    Arnold: He said he'd let me off the hook if I tell him who mooned him.
    Gerald: So, you're going to do it?
    Arnold: Uh, no.
    Gerald: Why not? After all, you didn't do anything.
    Arnold: And if Harold and Sid and Stinky want to tell Wartz what they did, that's their decision, and I'm not going to tell him. I am not a rat.
    Gerald: Man, that's solid! I mean it's stupid, but it's solid.
    Arnold: See you, Gerald.
    Principal Wartz: Students, yesterday at approximately 3:38 P.M., a heinous crime was committed here in the Halls of P.S. 118. Three of our pupils engaged in the Flagrant Violation of District Rules: namely the dropping of their trousers and exposing of their fleshy unmentionables to a respected and beloved school official. Some of you may know this despicable practice as "mooning." So let me assure you, the culprits will be uncovered. I will get to the bottom of this. That is all for now.
    Sid: What if he finds out we did it?
    Harold: He won't find out if nobody tells him.
    Stinky: Of course he will, Harold.
    Principal Wartz: No, no, the third mooner had a rounder, fuller posterior with a mole on his right cheek. Very nice. Very nice, that's much better, Mrs. Flaunt. Now, Albert...
    Arnold: It's Arnold.
    Principal Wartz: Right, right. Look here, Arnold, I know you are not a bad kid. You kept saying you did not actually display your end region to me, but those other three boys did. Can we agree on that?
    Arnold: Okay.
    Principal Wartz: Good, okay. Now that we're on the same side of the fence on that point, let me pose this question to you: "What's the harm in just letting me know the names of the boys?"
    Arnold: Well, it's just that I...
    Principal Wartz: You could just let them slip out, or whisper them to me, or we can play a guessing game until I got the answers.
    Arnold: No, I can't tell you.
    Principal Wartz: Why?
    Arnold: I'm not a rat.
    Principal Wartz: Young man, I must warn you that unless you play ball and tell me the names of the hooligans that exposed themselves to me, I would be forced to take note of your lack of cooperation and write it down for all eyes and ears to see on your permanent record.
    Principal Wartz: Don't think of it as being a snitch. Just think of it as being a good citizen. [gives a box of chocolate to Arnold as an offer] Chocolate cream? [Arnold rejects] You know, Albert...
    Arnold: Arnold.
    Principal Wartz: You know, Arnold. It's not easy to do the right thing.
    Harold: [looking at Arnold talking to Principal Wartz outside with his binoculars] He's gonna rat. He's gonna rat.
    Principal Wartz: When I was a boy, I found myself in the situation very similar to the one you are in right now.
    Arnold: Really?
    Principal Wartz: Mmm-hmm. You see, I witnessed several of my fellow classmates placing a frog in our teacher's desk. When she came back and discovered the frog, she singled me out and demanded that I tell her who was responsible.
    Arnold: What did you do?
    Principal Wartz: I did the right thing. I sang like a canary. I tattled on every single one of them.
    Arnold: What happened?
    Principal Wartz: The culprits were severely punished, and I was rewarded with a Gold Star! Oh, sure, my classmates were pretty mad at me at first. They called me a weasel, they refused to eat lunch with me, and they beat me up on a regular basis. in fact, my reputation as a weasel followed me all the way to high school and college. I was stuffed into lockers, and had "KICK ME" signs taped to my back. I can't tell you the abuse I suffered from practically every person I ever came in contact with! I didn't have a date till I was 23, but I didn't care about those things, because I knew that I had done the right thing, and in the end, I overcame all that abuse, and I grew up to become an Elementary School Principal. Wouldn't you like to become an Elementary School Principal?
    Arnold: Not really.
    Principal Wartz: Ooh!
    Harold: You told him, didn't you?
    Arnold: No, Harold.
    Harold: You are lying. I saw you talking to Wartz. You told him it was me, and Stinky, and Sid, didn't you? Didn't you?!
    Arnold: No, Harold. I didn't.
    Harold: Well, why not?
    Arnold: Because it wouldn't be right.
    Harold: I know. But you got detention for four weeks and you didn't even do anything. If I was you and you were me, I would have cracked the first day and ratted you out in the first place!
    Arnold: Well, maybe you would have, Harold, but I didn't, and I'm not going to. I gotta go. [Arnold leaves]
    Principal Wartz: [to Harold; off-screen] Young man?
    Harold: Uh-oh. Hello, Principal Wartz.
    Principal Wartz: Hello, do you recognize anyone in this sketch? Or is it just me?
    Harold: No, sir. I don't. I really don't, not at all.
    Principal Wartz: Okay. Well, keep up the good work, Son.
    Harold: I sure will, Mr.- Principal Wartz.
    Gerald: Man, Arnold. I can't believe it. Your last day of detention, and you are completely innocent. If you finish off the day and don't snitch on those other guys, this is gonna go on your permanent record.
    Arnold: It's just something I've gotta do.
    Principal Wartz: Young man, I hold here in my hand your permanent record. Now you still have a chance to save yourself. Just tell me who the real mooners are. Tell me their names, and I won't have to enter this terrible black mark on your record.
    Arnold: I can't do that.
    Principal Wartz: [to Arnold] You understand that your permanent record will follow you all the way to Junior High.
    Arnold: I understand.
    Principal Wartz: And you still won't tell.
    Arnold: No.
    Principal Wartz: Then, you leave me no choice.
    Harold: I did it, it was me! I'm sorry, Arnold was completely innocent. I'm the mooner. I am the mooner! [sobs]
    Stinky: I am guilty, too. [sobs]
    Sid: And me. We all did it together. [sobs]
    Stinky: Arnold had nothing to do with it.
    Sid: He was only a pawn in a horrible, twisted prank.
    Stinky: He's a saint.
    Harold: He's a saint. [Arnold smiles]
    Principal Wartz: Well, young man, I suppose this lets you off the hook... [closes the top of the permanent black marker] ...for now.
    Harold: I had to do it. I just couldn't live with the guilt.
    Arnold: It's gonna go on your permanent record.
    Harold: Yeah, I know, but I never figured I made it to Junior High anyways.
    Stinky: I feel so much better now that we fessed up.
    Sid: Me too. I guess we didn't realize it, but deep down, the guilt is driving us crazy the whole time, you know, subconsciously.
    Harold: Hey, Arnold, remember when I said you haven't any guts because you wouldn't moon Principal Wartz?
    Arnold: Yes.
    Harold: Why, you haven't any guts then, but after you showed up to Wartz and didn't rat us out, well, I figured that took a lot of guts... More guts than me and Sid and Stinky got put together.
    Sid: Yeh, Arnold, you've got guts.
    Stinky: You're just chock full of guts.
    Arnold: Thank you.
    Harold: Hey, guys, what'cha say tomorrow, we made a great big old sign that says "KICK ME," and tape it to Mr. Simmons' back?
    Sid: [giggles] What a great idea.
    Stinky: Everybody would be kicking him all day, and he won't get why.
    Arnold: I know it's not such a great idea...
    Harold: Look, it's Helga the bed wetter. [laughs]

### Big Gino/Jamie O in Love [4.02]

    Gino: [Seeing Sid come in with Arnold] I see you brought your lawyer.

### Eugene's Birthday/Stinky's Pumpkin [4.03]

    Stinky: [to his father] I know and all in one week too!
    Stinky: Try, try, and try again, til you can't try no longer. And if that don't work, you just spent a whole lot of time doin' somethin' you just couldn't do.
    Mayor Dixie: Wow! That's the biggest vegetable I've ever seen! First prize goes to.
    Stinky: Stinky Peterson.

### Dinner for Four/Phoebe Skips [4.05]

    Lila: I just didn't feel right about ruining Rhonda's personal property without getting her permission first. It felt, well, ever so wrong.
    Helga: Yeah, well, guess what? You're ever so fired!
    Lila: Thank you.
    Helga: Oh, who am I kidding? I'll never be able to replace her! Oh, if only I had supported her in her moment of distinction instead of assailing her with cruel words!
    [Helga and Phoebe reconcile after their fight at the start of an episode]
    Helga: You're more than just my sidekick. You're my best friend. I guess I forgot that.
    Phoebe: Thanks, Helga. You're my best friend too.

### Helga's Parrot/Chocolate Turtles [4.06]

    Miriam: [Through the door] Helga, who are you talking to, honey?
    Helga: No one! Just my...uh...imaginary friend.
    Miriam: Okay, I'll set another place at breakfast.
    Helga: Great, Mom, great.
    Parrot: Great, Mom, great.
    Helga: Are you mocking me?
    Parrot: [Quoting Helga's poem] Why must I worship you and never ever tell?
    Helga: Trust me, you won't live long enough to tell.
[Helga, hiding behind Arnold's couch, keeps making a grab for the parrot. The first time, she pulls one of Lila's braids.]
    Lila: Ow! Please don't pull my hair, Arnold.
    Arnold: Huh? I didn't pull your hair.
    Lila: Arnold, I know that you like me like me, but please, don't do it again.
    Arnold: Why fight it? It's working.

### Back to School/Egg Story [4.08]

    Principal Wartz: Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.
    Phil: [imitating Wartz] Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.
    Principal Wartz: Pardon me?
    Phil: Pardon me?
    Principal Wartz: Stop repeating what I say!
    Phil: Stop repeating what I say!
    Principal Wartz: That's it.
    Phil: That's it.
    Principal Wartz: [to a tough Grandpa Phil] Report to detention after the final bell.
    Phil: Report this, Wartz! [pulls the fire alarm and walks off]
    Principal Wartz: [turns off the alarm] That's it, I'm calling his parents!
    Arnold: Why are you skipping school and acting tough and getting in trouble?
    Grandpa Phil: 'Cause...
    Arnold: 'Cause why?
    Grandpa Phil: Because...
    Arnold: Because why, Grandpa? [sternly] I want to know why and I want to know right now.
    Grandpa Phil I'm gonna run for President. Pookie, you can be my campaign manager. What's our slogan?
    Pookie: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
    Grandpa Phil: Pookie, you're fired. Arnold! You can be my campaign manager.
    Arnold: [Sighs] Grandpa...?
    Grandpa Phil I want that diploma!
    Arnold: Then, let's go get it.
    Grandpa Phil: Right after my nap!
    [as Harold and Rhonda are assigned to partner up taking care of an egg baby]
    Harold: Come on, Rhonda, you know you like me!
    Rhonda: [nervously] Where in the world would you get a ridiculous idea like that?
    Harold: Remember that time at the Cheese Festival, when you jumped...
    Rhonda: [claps a hand over Harold's mouth] I thought I told you never to mention that night ever again.
    [after when Harold showed Rhonda their egg that has tape all over it]
    Rhonda: What did you do, Harold?!
    Harold: Nothing.
    Rhonda: Harold, this is not our egg. This — I don't even know what this is. What did you do with Courtney?
    Harold: Uh, I, Uh... Oh! I was hungry!
    Rhonda: You...ate...our...baby?
    [Harold belches]

### It Girl/Deconstructing Arnold [4.09]

    Big Bob: Not everyone is dressing like you?
    Miriam: [dressed as Helga] Look, everyone, I'm the it girl.
    [Helga screams]
    Rhonda: Okay, Curly, I admit it. I'm your secret admirer. And the truth is, no matter how hard I try and fight it, [reading off her hand] I'm really, really wild about you. In fact, I've fallen crazy in love. So what do you say? How does that make you feel?
    Curly: [dips Rhonda] Give Daddy some sugar. [Kisses Rhonda]
    Helga: [Trying to convince Arnold to help people again] Look at me, I'm terrible at giving advice. I have no moral conscience whatsoever. If you won't do this for me, do it for your stupid friends out there. Trust me, they're completely lost without you.

### Weird Cousin/Baby Oskar [4.11]

    Stinky: I still can't understand how Lila could prefer your plain homely dull as dirt cousin Arnie over you, Arnold. I mean, you're no dapper dan, but you sure are better looking than Arnie. And you're sure a lot more fun to talk to but she does like him better! Look at her glow!
    Arnold: [mad] Stinky, shut up.
    Stinky: [confused] What'd I say?
    Oskar: Suzie, make me a sandwich.
    Suzie: In a minute, Oskar. I'm ironing your pants.
    Oskar: Why can't you do both at the same time?
    Suzie: Oh, Oskar.
    Oskar: What?
    Suzie: You know how much I have to do. Why can't you just help out a little bit? You know my cousin Nancy is going to be here any minute with her baby.
    Oskar: I just want a sandwich.
    Suzie: When Nancy gets here with the baby, I want to know that I can count on your help. It'll be a lot of work having a baby in the house, you know.
    Oskar: Come on, Suzie. Make me a sandwich.
    [Suzie is seen playing with Baby Oskar]
    Suzie: Oskar. Oskar.
    Oskar: What?!
    Suzie: I was talking to the baby.
    Oskar: Uhh. Suzie, I'm hungry. Make me a sandwich.
    Suzie: I can't right now. I have to give the baby a bath.
    Oskar: What for? It's not going any place.
    Suzie: Oh, Oskar.
    Oskar: What? All I want is a sandwich.
    Suzie: As long as the baby's here, he's going to have to come first.
    Oskar: But Suzie, what about me?
    [Later, Oskar is seen playing his saxophone, which causes Baby Oskar to cry openly]
    Suzie: Oskar, please!
    Oskar: What? I have to practice.
    Suzie: You're not the only person in this house. All you ever think about is yourself.
    Oskar: What's wrong with that?
    [Oskar drinks a milk carton, while Baby Oskar begins to cry which causes Oskar to spit out his milk]
    Oskar: Oh, Suzie, it's crying again.
    Suzie: Well, then pick him up and hold him for a minute.
    Oskar: I'm not gonna pick it up; it smells.
    Suzie: He probably needs a new diaper. Can you just-?
    Oskar: Oh, come on, Suzie. That's disgusting.
    Suzie: There is nothing disgusting about it; it's perfectly natural. And stop calling him "it". He's not an "it"; he's a "he", and his name is Oskar.
    Oskar: That's another thing; it took my name. And now every time you say "Oskar", I think you're talking to me, but it's always that little brat.
    Baby Oskar reaches for Oskar's milk.
    Oskar: Get your own.
    [Oskar and Susie are arguing over Oskar's inability to grow up and start acting responsible. He responds with his classic line "I'll do it tomorrow."]
    Suzie: Oh sure it’s a good day for you! Tomorrow’s a grand day for you because tomorrow is the day you get a job! Tomorrow is the day you pay the bills, tomorrow is the day you grow up and start acting responsible. But tomorrow never comes for you, does it, Oskar? Because it’s so conveniently a day away!
    Oskar: Right, it’s always a day away, just like the song that little orphan girl sings.

### Helga Sleepwalks/Fighting Families [4.13]

    Game Show Host: And from PS. 118, meet Arnold and his family. Phil, Pookie, Ernie, and and Mr. Heeee-yun!
    Mr. Hyunh: It's H-WIN!
    Ernie: One more comment, Hyunh, and I'll give you a knuckle sandwich, plenty with mustard!
    Grandpa: I'll give you both a knuckle sandwich!
    Grandma: That's odd, I don't remember packing any sandwiches.
    Ernie: Oh, good one, Hyunh!
    Mr. Hyunh: You push me!
    Ernie: Yeah! Well, Gramps stepped on my toe!
    Grandpa: I did not! This is stepping on your toe! [steps on Ernie's foot]
    Mr. Hyunh: Bluto, Bluto!
    Ernie: Not Bluto, Pluto, you moron!
    Brainy: Huhhh... Huhh... Hi.
    Contest Lady: And the winner is Arnold... there seems to be a smudge over the last name.
    Stinky: That must be you, Arnold, on the count that you're the only kid named Arnold in this whole danged school.
    [Helga has been sleepwalking, Phoebe following and Helga has just woken up on Arnold's fire escape after confessing everything, although Arnold has only just woken up.]
    Arnold: What are you guys doing?
    Helga: Doing? What does it look like we're doing, Hair Boy? We're taking a walk.
    Arnold: Taking a walk on my fire escape?
    Helga: That's right, Football Head. On your fire escape. It's a free country, we can walk wherever we feel like. Right, Phoebe?
    Phoebe: Uh, right!
    Helga: Let's go.
    Arnold: Whatever you say, Helga.
    Helga: This whole thing, it never happened.
    Phoebe: Forgetting!

### The Headless Cabbie/Friday the 13th [4.14]

    Stinky: [telling his scary story] This here yarn of a horror is about the ever-frighting: Monkeycat. In the dingy laboratory of the despicable Dr. Mischief, there lived an old furry cat. One day, the cat snuck into the cage of a frisky monkey and got himself caught. Dr Mischief watched as the monkey and the cat began to fight, they became entangled together and that's when the evil doctor got his big idea. He cut off the monkey's head and sewed on the cat's body and invented...Monkey-cat!
    Gerald: Monkey-cat?
    Stinky: Monkey-cat!
    Gerald: What's so scary about that?
    Stinky: It's a banana eating milk drinking horror monster, Monkey-cat!
    Harold: [throws his pillow at Stinky's face] That's not scary, that's stupid.
    Grandma: Happy Friday the 13th!
    Gerald: [sees black cats] That's not exactly the sign I was looking for.
    Arnold: They're probably Grandma's cats. She's…uh…collecting them…
    Gerald: Collecting them?
    Arnold: Don't ask.

### Helga on the Couch [4.16]

    Helga: I'm late for school and no one made my lunch.
    Miriam: Oh, yeah, I did, honey, I put it out for you... it's... it's around here somewhere... [opens oven door] ...Oh, here it is!
    Helga: Moist towelettes, an individual packet of crackers and... a can of shaving cream?
    Miriam: How did that get in there? Uh-oh, uh-oh, that must mean the cheese fizz is in B's medicine cabinet.
    Big Bob: [exclaims] How am I supposed to run a beeper empire with my face smelling like hickory smoked cheddar, Miriam?!
    Dr. Bliss: Principal Wartz, I'm Dr. Bliss.
    Principal Wartz Oh, Dr. Bliss, I'm Principal Wartz. Welcome to P.S. 118.
    Dr. Bliss: Thank you.
    Principal Wartz: [nervously] What do you mean by that?
    Dr. Bliss: Nothing.
    Helga: What are you looking at?
    Phoebe: Ohayoo gozaimasu, Helga.
    Helga: No Japanese today, Phoebe, I have a headache.
    Phoebe: Oh, okay. English!
    Helga: Hey, who's the skirt?
    Helga: So I hit him, so what?
    Principal Wartz: Miss Pataki, I don't need to remind you that striking another student is violating the school code.
    Helga: Brainy? He doesn't mind, I do it all the time. What? You would sock him too if he was standing behind you breathing.
    Bob: We didn't have therapy when I was a kid.
    Helga: That's obvious Bob.
    Helga: So, are you a real doctor? I mean, if I suddenly had a heart attack, would you be able to save me?
    Dr. Bliss: Well, there is a heart clinic upstairs, so this would actually be a very good place for you to have a heart attack.
    Dr. Bliss: How about we try a little word association? Now, I'm going to read off this list of words, and I want you to say the next word that comes to mind.
    Helga: [to herself] Steady girl, you can do it. Do not say Arnold.
    Dr. Bliss: Love.
    Helga: Hate.
    Dr. Bliss: Rocket.
    Helga: Locket... pocket... Davey Crocket!
    Dr. Bliss: Football.
    Helga: Head... ha... did I say head? I mean game. Football game.
    Dr. Bliss: Monday.
    Helga: ...Night Football. falls out of chair ...enough word association.
    Dr. Bliss: Good idea.
    Young Helga: Hey, who's taking me to preschool?
    Big Bob: Yeah, in a minute, Olga.
    Young Helga: No, I’m Helga, Dad, Helga.
    Young Arnold: Hi, nice bow.
    Young Helga: Huh?
    Young Arnold: I like your bow 'cause it’s pink like your pants.
    Young Helga: I love you, Arnold, and I wanna marry you.
    Helga: I love Arnold! There, I said it! I love him! I love him! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! I'm absitively posolutly in love with the boy! I want to grow up having a fabulous life, traveling around the world with him! Coffee in Paris, roses sailboats, the whole nine yards, I want to have a perfume named after us "Arnold Helga!" I Love ARNOLD!
    Helga: I guess I'm pretty sick, aren't I? I mean, I once made a likeness of Arnold's head out of wads of his used gum.
    Dr. Bliss: You're not sick. You feel your feelings very strongly. You're very creative. [Pauses] Did you say used gum?
    Helga: So it's okay to be obsessed about him? You know, the shrines, the 3 AM vigils, the chanted spells?
    Dr. Bliss: As long as you're not hurting anyone it sounds like an okay way to express yourself.
    Helga: So animal sacrifices are out?
    Dr. Bliss: Yes, I'm afraid so.
    Helga: If you ever tell anyone, I'll rip your tongue out and wrap it around your neck!
    Helga: Arnold!
    Arnold: Oh, sorry, Helga.
    Helga: I just want to say that, that... that you should watch where you're going, Football Head, quit crashing into me all the time! Sheesh! [Helga runs away].
    Arnold: Nice running into you too Helga.
    Helga: Look at him, all ticked off. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know my secret. What a sap! He still can't even tell that I adore him. [Brainy comes out of a corner and gives Helga a plastic ring.] Look Brainy, this is just weird. How is it that you're standing behind me again? How did you get in this little arch? Where you waiting for me to come into this alley? What's your deal? OK, I am not gonna hit you this time. This one's for free. Today I'm feeling generous, but tomorrow look out.

### Dino Checks Out [4.17]

    Candy: Dino and I had two really great years together, and then we got married.
    Lawyer: [going over Dino Spamoni's will] "My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy."
    Candy: YESSSSS!
    Candy's Son: Can we go now?
    Candy: IN A MINUTE!
    Executor: [Reading Dino Spumoni's Will] "And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."
    Bunny: Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!
    Dino: The thing is, I'm Dino Spumoni. The real Dino. Not an impersonator, not a simulation, not a ghost.
    Ernie: Hey, Oskar, he's not dead! I want my two bucks back!

### Monkey Man!/Buses, Bikes, and Subways [4.18]

    Gerald: Friends, how many times have we awaken to the frightful cry, "Monkey Man?!" How many times have we seen him with the corner of our eye? Never stopping, always speeding by, a flash of his cape, down the alleys and streets, scampering up fire escapes, like a freaked-out chimpanzee... Monkey Man! Some say he's a force for good, a twisted urban Robin Hood, defending the weak and downtrodden. Some say he's a force for bad, a tricky and conniving cad, forlorn and just plain rotten. Still, others say he's some guy in pajamas, living on stolen bananas. Who knows? Nobody's ever talked to him, but if you find yourself in the Heart of Downtown, keep looking around, because you just might run into him: Monkey Man! The end.
    [After Helga discovers a pay phone nearby]
    Helga: [to Harold] So how much money do you got? [Harold shows Helga two quarters in his hand] Enough for one call each. Hello, Mom! It's me, Helga! I'm stuck at the chocolate factory with a moron named Harold. The school bus left us here and we don't have any way to get back. Oh, please pick up, Miriam. [Helga hangs up the phone]
    Harold: [dials the pay phone] Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.
    Caesar: I've never heard of you! Don't call me again!
    Harold: [hangs up phone] Oops. Dialed the wrong number.
    Helga: Just brilliant. You don't even know your own phone number.
    Harold: Hey, look! The subway! We're saved!
    Helga: Yeah, great idea, genius. Only one little problem — it costs money to take the subway, and we don't have any.
    Harold: Then we'll just jump the gate. No one ever gets caught. Come on! [gets stuck on the turnstile entrance]
    Cop: Hey! You two kids! Come back here!
    [Helga pushes Harold through, while they both run into the moving subway, eluding the cop]
    Harold: [relieved] Oh! [sighs] That was close. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick!
    Helga: "No one ever gets caught."
    Helga: [to Earl] Hey Mister, wake up!
    Earl: What? Who goes there?
    Helga: Can you give us a ride into town?
    Harold: There are some crazy midget clowns that wanna kill us!
    Earl: Midget clowns eh? Arr!
    Helga: [Harold has begun to hug her] Get off of me, you big whale!
    Harold: Ow.
    Helga: Everything that happened today was your fault. You can't do anything right! Can't you? Take the bus for example. Why do you think we've missed it, Harold? Oh, let me see, hmm... maybe it was because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in Chocolate Num-Nums! Oh, how about this one? "Let's take the subway, I think it goes to Lincoln." Oh, wait, no, it doesn't, it goes straight to the bowels of the underworld! Population: homicidal, toothless, midget clowns! "I know, let's steal their bike, they won't mind." Now, you'd think that would be quite enough to fill any moron's day, but you are not just any moron, are you, Harold? You are the king! Your day's just getting started. So, because of your amazing curiosity about the world around us, you pulled the plug out of the bottom of our getaway boat! [sighs] You idiot...
    Harold: So, is that what you really think of me, Helga? Do you think I'm an idiot who can't do anything right?
    Helga: Yes, Harold, that's what I really think.

### Helga's Masquerade/Mr. Green Runs [4.19]

    Councilman Gladhand: He's just a butcher. He's talking about meat!

### Summer Love [4.20]

[Grandma Gertie sees that she has stumbled onto a nude beach]
    Grandma: Well, when in Rome...
[She takes off her swimsuit and walks onto the beach, causing some of the nudists to run away in terror.]
    Grandpa: Thanks again for saving me, fellas! Oh, and thanks for the stupid dope fly hat!
    Grandma: [walking by with two other surfers] Up the establishment!
    Grandpa: Oh, Pookie! Nobody wants to see that! [Grandma Gertie stops, turning towards him and laughing while he's talking, still covered up by her surfboard]