# The Thief and the Cobbler

The Thief and the Cobbler is an unfinished animated film. Several radically altered versions of the film were released by separate companies: The Princess and the Cobbler by Allied Filmmakers, and Arabian Knight by Miramax Films. All three versions center on a cobbler who woos a princess and takes on an evil grand vizier with the help of a thief.
    Directed and written by Richard Williams.

## The Thief
### In the original version

This is the thief's only line in this version
* [To Tack the Cobbler] Fine!

### In the Allied Filmmakers version

This is also the only line for the thief
* [when the machine shown burning] I'm getting out of here.

### In the Miramax version

* [first lines] Good morning, Arabia! I've had my coffee, read the paper, now it's time to get to work.
* What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids!
* [as Tack, asleep, sews parts of the Thief's cloak together] He's stitchin' me up like a boot! Sorry kid, this boot was made for walkin'.
* My father, a fireman, twenty years on the force, instilled in me the attitude of "Never say die!" [as the pole that he's on to steal the three golden balls bends:] Although, frequently say, "Ahhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhh ahhh!"
* [looks at his reflection in the palace wall] AAAAAAAAAH!
* [flies through the window of a woman's apartment with a rose in his mouth; woman screams from inside] Ooh... naughty.
* Everything hurts, why do I do this? What's the point... [sees the Three Golden Balls] Oh yeah! Pain's gone![says next few lines slightly sinisterly] Feeling good...feeling fine...
* [running through the palace] Who decorated this place?
* [the Thief is on hanging onto a pole, stealing the golden balls] You're gonna buy me a castle by the sea. [as he takes the second ball] Hmm. And you're gonna buy me everything I need to turn a basement into a rec room. [as he takes the last ball] And with you...I tell you sweet heart, I'm going to Disneyland.
* What's that? [sees Yum-Yum taking a bath] Oh, a naked lady... but wait, a golden backscratcher!
* [A polo ball is chasing him.] Shoo! Leave me alone! It's a DEVIL ball!
* Oh, hello, ball. BALL?!
* Gotta get the ruby off the fat guy's head... gotta get the ruby off the fat guy's head... gotta get... [Runs into sign; reading] "No Prayers Past this Point". Hmmm... [turns; runs into another sign] They should have a sign, "Beware of Signs"!
* [a reference to the Night on Bald Mountain segment in Fantasia] Here goes nothin'. [the Night on Bald Mountain plays in the background; the Thief is holding palm tree leaves as stretching his arms out like Chernabog from Fantasia and then jumps off the cliff and flaps his arms] I'm flyin'! I'm flyin' I'm flyin'! [falls into the bushes]

## Tack the Cobbler
### In the original version

This is Tack's only line in this version.
* [to Princess Yum-Yum in Sean Connery's voice] I love you.

### In both re-edited versions

These are alternate lines for Tack in these versions.
* [to Princess Yum-Yum] And I love you.
* Nothing wrong with being a Cobbler. [sighs] Why can't I ever talk when it matters?
* No don't. Not the shoe. Who are you?
* Stop! Stop, you thief!
* Tack.
* I'm Tack.
* Ye-Yes, Ma'am.
* Whoa!
* Give it back!
* Oh, no. Zigzag.
* This looks like some kind of lever.
* Tack, the cobbler.
* Oh, please you must help.
* Well, she probably doesn't get out much.
* I'm not sure that's a good idea.
* "Into the wall you find your back, attack". A tack. [realized] A tack!
* And I love you.

### In the Miramax version

These are other alternate lines for Tack, but are only in this version.
* The princess's shoe! Halt, in the name of King Nod! Who are you?
* Stop, thief!
* Who needs a genie when a tack will do the trick?
* [to Zigzag] No more tricks, sorcerer!
* I guess they never ran into a cobbler before...

## Princess Yum-Yum

* This life I live in regal splendor seems a waste. It's all pomp and circumstance, Nanny. If I could help Father, instead of just sitting as his side, I'd be doing something useful. If I could help just one person, maybe then he'd understand there's more to me.
* [breaking her shoe] It just so happens, Daddy, I need a cobbler at the moment.
* The cobbler... He's so shy and unassuming. I know he's just a pauper, but I really, really like him. [the Thief takes her backscratcher] Hey! What? I...
* Father, I'm smarter than any man in this city, and faster than your clumsy henchmen.
* [to the brigands] Hey, that's my nanny you're sitting on.
* End of the ride, Zigzag!

## King Nod

* Cobbler, go with Princess Yum Yum.
* Open for the royal polo ponies!
* [Waking up from his nightmare] Get me Zigzag, now!
* Death and destruction, Zigzag. My kingdom will come to destruction and death.
* An entire race of one-eyed men and death...everywhere!
* AAAH! WHAT IF THE BALLS ARE TAKEN AWAY?!
* I just have this funny feeling.
* One-Eye! Ah! The dream! The nightmare! Ah, the balls-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE BALLS ARE GONE! My kingdom will come to destruction and DEATH!
* [giving a speech to his subjects and armies] My loyal generals! My brave soldiers! The three Golden Balls have gone! Our city faces invasion! The Mighty One-Eye is coming! Take up your positions with my...[coughs]...blessing! [coughs again]
* [Giving orders to his soldiers] Take the right flank. You, the left flank. Turret. Gate. Drawbridge. You, take the women and children. Ready the physicians.
* [After seeing Princess Yum-Yum through his telescope] Oh, my god! My daughter!
* [After the one-eyes were defeated] The prophecy is fulfilled! The city owes you a great debt of gratitude. Oh, cobbler, how can we ever repay you?

## ZigZag

* Oh Phhhhhh-Phido!
* The camp of the One-Eyes... how very nice! Perhaps they'll be willing to pay my price! I'll have those barbarians kissing my feet! [to Phido who squawks begging for food] And maybe, we'll find you something to eat... eh, Phido? [The One-Eye's soldiers appear, putting their spears at his throat] Gentlemen, gentlemen, what a delight to meet you all here on such a fine night.
* [Tack has tripped him] Ooh-oww! You great fool!
* Calm down, Your Highness. Invaders? One-Eye? Why, this is against what has been prophesied. Has it not been written we are safe from any threat, as long as those 3 golden balls are on the minaret?
* A way has never been found to take them away. What freak of nature could ever get up to the top of that minaret?
* [King Nod beats up ZigZag in a panic] Just a night fear! Such things could never happen here! Such things would never happen... Well, they haven't happened yet. Can't you see the golden balls are safe atop the minaret?
* Oh, great King Nod, have no fear! Zigzag your grand vizier is here!
* It's not time to get up. Too early to rise. Too early to open the king's sleepy eyes.
* [Whispering to himself while hearing the Golden Balls bounce out of control] Is this opportunity ringing? [whispers to his minions] I think there are some balls you should be bringing. [King Nod turns around toward them as they smile innocently at him]
* [Whispers once more to his minions] Get those balls. Keep out of sight. Bring them to me late tonight.
* [After Tack steps between him and Yum-Yum] What, cobbler?! [attacks Tack]
* Oh, greatest king on all the Earth, this lowborn cobbler of no worth attacked me in the square today...shall we take his head away?
* My friends! It grieves me to see you fed on persons like me, with no meat. Just help me a little, and I won't forget to feed you each day, a surprise that is plump, portly, paunchy, and FAT! FAT! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
* Faster, faster! Take me to your master! One little mistake will suffice! Don't treat me lightly twice! Take me to your master!
* We'll see who wins at the end of the day... we'll see who ends up grieving! I'll go to the One-Eyes right away! I'M TAKING MY BALLS AND LEAVING!
* My friends, my friends! Are you still here? I haven't fed you yet, I fear.
* [as he is being eaten by alligators] Oh, my bottom! Ow, my top! Greedies, don't you ever stop?
* [dying words] You too, Phido?...man's best friend? For ZigZag then...It is...The End.

## Mighty One-Eye
### In all versions

* [shouting] ONE-EYES... WIN AGAIN! And I shall conquer the Golden City!

### In the original version

* [shouting] ONE-EYES... ONE-EYES... ONE-EYES WIN AGAIN! I shall gnaw the Golden City to the bone! [bites off a piece of ham] And I shall spit it out! [spits out the piece of ham] No one is left alive to warn them! One-Eyes! One-Eyes! The day of death has come to the Golden land! And I shall conquer the Golden City! I shall trample and break them! And not show pity! No man escapes the MIGHTY ONE-EYE!

### In the Allied Filmmakers version

* [shouting] ONE-EYES... WIN AGAIN! No one is left alive to warn them! And I shall conquer the Golden City!

### In both original and Allied Filmmakers versions

* Tomorrow, I... strike... and you shall ride at the front, sorcerer.

### In the Miramax version

* [shouting] ONE-EYES... WIN AGAIN! And I shall conquer the Golden City!
* Tomorrow, you shall ride at the front, sorcerer.

## Chief Roofless

* A caravan? A CARAVAN!
* May I remind you gentlemen that when in doubt, consult the brigand's... handbook!
* Princess, perhaps me and my men ought to be staying here.
* Faster! Faster, you fools! Faster!

## Phido the Vulture
### In both original and Allied Filmmakers versions

These are Phido's only lines in these versions.
* [after being poked with the perching stick] What? What? Ohh!
* [ZigZag whacks him in the rear] AWK! Blast!

### In the Miramax version

These are alternate lines for Phido in this version.
* [screams] You're giving me heart attacks here!
* [after being poked with the perching stick] What? What, not the stick now! Ohh!
* Come on, Boss! I need a rehearsal here! [jumps through a flaming hoop; his tail feathers are on fire] Fire! Fire! FIRE!
* [squawks] I'm so hungry I could eat a vegetarian.
* Heeeeeeeeeeere's Phido!
* Ya miss me? [ZigZag whacks him in the rear] AWK! Calling that the humane society?
* Is this when we eat? I need to eat, I don't see any food, I'm still hungry here. I think I just lost my appetite.

## Narrator
### In the original version

These are the narrator's only lines in this version.
* [first lines] It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts that the world which we see is an outward and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality. Once upon a time, there was a golden city. In the center of this golden city, atop the tallest minaret were three gold balls. The ancients had prophesied that if the three golden balls were ever taken away, harmony would yield to discord, and the city would fall to destruction... and death! But the mystics had also foretold that the city might be saved by the simplest soul with the smallest and simplest of things. In the city, there dwelt a lowly shoemaker who was known as Tack the cobbler. [Tack is shown asleep] Also in the city, existed a thief... who shall be nameless. [the Thief is shown sneaking about]

### In the Miramax version

These are lines for Tack as the narrator in this version.
* So next time you see a shooting star, be proud of who you really are. Do what your heart feels is right, and you too shall become an Arabian Knight.

## Other Brigands

* [shouts] A CARAVAAAN!
* A caravan! Food! Drink! Women! Heh heh heh!

## Princess Yum-Yum's Nanny

* [to Yum-Yum] Just like your mother, out here without a veil.
* Ooh, get him, Tack!
* Your bath's ready! The water's getting cold! Princess, he's a cobbler! [to Tack] Keep your eyes on your work!

## Mad Holy Old Witch
### In the original version

* A tack... a tack! But it's what you do with what you've got!

### In the Allied Filmmakers version

* When to the wall you find your back, a tack, A Tack, A TACK! You have all you need, but it's what you do with what you've got! a tack, A Tack, A TACK!

### In the Miramax version

* When to the wall you find your back, a tack, A Tack, A TACK! Belief in yourself is what you lack, a tack, A Tack, and never look back!

## Dialogue
### In all versions

* Zigzag: O Great King Nod, have no fear. Zigzag, your grand vizier is here! King Nod: [wakes up] What, what? [bored] Oh, it's you... Zigzag.
* Zigzag: O Greatest King of all the Earth, this low-born [uses cane to stop Tack from walking off] cobbler of no worth attacked me in the square today. Shall we take his head away?
King Nod: [wakes up] What? Oh, yes, Zigzag, if you really think so.
Princess Yum-Yum: But what has he done?
Zigzag: [takes a tack from Tack's mouth] Attacked me!
Princess Yum-Yum: Really?
Zigzag: [hisses] Yes!
* King Nod: [wakes up] AAAH! WHAT IF THE BALLS ARE TAKEN AWAY?! Zigzag: A way has never been found to take them away! What freak of nature could get up to the top of that minaret?[Thief actually goes OVER minaret]

### In the original version

These are lines that are only heard in this version.
* Dying Soldier: [approaching King Nod] One...[stretching down his left lower eyelid] Eye... Zigzag:[squinting each of his eyes at a time in puzzlement] One eye? Dying Soldier: Is...coming! Princess Yum-Yum: [squinting her left eye in puzzlement] One eye? Princess Yum-Yum's Nanny: [adjusting her spectacles in puzzlement] Eye? King Nod: [gasping in horror] One-Eye! Aah! [Then rushes to the balcony as the dying soldier drops dead. His face turns pale as he gazes outside and finds the minaret bare] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE BALLS ARE GONE! My kingdom will come to destruction and DEATH!
* King Nod: [speaking of the missing Golden Balls upon Zigzag's arrival] You're here, Zigzag. But where are the Balls? Zigzag: Magiced away, my lord. King Nod: Magiced away?! Oh, no! Zigzag: Oh, you mustn't look so tragic. I am not unschooled in magic.
* King Nod: [speaking on the returning of the Golden Balls which Zigzag can supposedly restore with magic] I'll give you anything, Zigzag! Just do it! Zigzag: [face resembles skull] As my peril will be dire, you must grant my heart's desire! King Nod: Which is? Zigzag: I require, sire, your daughter Yum-Yum... [whispers] to wed. King Nod: [furious] You want my daughter? [gets up] NEVER! Zigzag: Never? King Nod: NEVER! EVER! [Zigzag chuckling] GET OUT! OOOOOOOUUUUT! Zigzag: Well, I just thought I'd asked. [leaves] We'll see who wins at the end of the day! We'll see who ends up grieving! I'll go to the One-Eyes right away! I'm taking my balls and leaving!
* Zigzag: And now, O greatest of the great, to rest you from affairs of state. I've searched the world and brought you thence, at no little effort and great expence. A play-thing! Princess Yum-Yum: [bored] Oh. Zigzag: From far south of Gaza, a bountiful maiden from [whispers lecherously into King Nod's ear] Mombassa! King Nod: Oh-oh-oh! Mombassa!
* Princess Yum-Yum: Who is this? Zigzag: O Greatest King of all the Earth, this low-born [uses cane to stop Tack from walking off] cobbler of no worth attacked me in the square today. Shall we take his head away? King Nod: [wakes up] What? No. Yes, Zigzag, if you really think so. Princess Yum-Yum: But what has he done? Zigzag: [takes a tack from Tack's mouth] Attacked me! Princess Yum-Yum: [skeptical] Really? Zigzag: [hisses] Yes!

### In both original and Allied Filmmakers versions

These are lines that are only heard in these version.
* Mighty One-Eye: [Zigzag presents himself before the One-Eye] Sorcerer? Zigzag: I conjure demons, and charm beasts! And birds of prey, too! Phido! Phido the Vulture: [makes Phido through hoops] AWWK! Zigzag: But as you see, that's not all I can do! Haha! Hee-hee! I have power over people, though they may appear complex. For me... they fall like playing cards... and I control the decks! [brandishes deck of cards with tricks but they slip up] Zigzag: Ah! Eh-heh! Ho ho! Ah! Hee-hee! But all this is nothing for now in my hand is the very key to the Golden land, for no man can take it, no matter how great, unless he possesses these three balls... [presents balls] OF FATE! Mighty One-Eye: You say you can charm beasts? [laughs to himself, then Zigzag laughs to himself, too] THROW HIM TO THE ALLIGATORS! [The One-Eye's men then take Zig-Zag to the alligator pit as Phido watches from afar snickering to himself]

### In both re-edited versions

These are lines that are only heard in these version.
* -Princess Yum-Yum's Nanny: Your bath's ready! The water's getting cold! Princess, he's a Cobbler! Keep your eyes on your work, Cobbler! Tack the Cobbler: Y-yes, ma'am. [after Princess Yum-Yum and Princess Yum-Yum's Nanny leaves] Nothing wrong with being a Cobbler. [sighs] Why can't I ever talk when it matters?
* King Nod: [speaking on the returning of the Golden Balls which Zigzag can supposedly restore with magic] I'll give you anything, Zigzag! Just do it! Zigzag: As my peril will be [face resembles skull] dire, you must grant my heart's desire! King Nod: Which is? Zigzag: I require, sire, your daughter Yum-Yum... [whispers] to wed. King Nod: [laughing] You? Worthy of my daughter? A practitioner of the black arts? [laughing] No. She can only marry a man pure of heart. You will never marry her! Never! [Zigzag's face falls. Nod continues laughing] Not in a thousand years! [Zigzag scowls with fury] Zigzag: We'll see who wins at the end of the day! We'll see who ends up grieving! I'll go to the One-Eyes right away! I'm taking the balls and leaving!
* King Nod: If only I had a son... Princess Yum-Yum: A son? Nonsense! Where do I find this witch? King Nod: The desert at the... What?! You?! Never, much too dangerous! Princess Yum-Yum: Father, I'm smarter than any man in the city, and faster than any of your... henchmen. King Nod: But you're so young, so, so... Princess Yum-Yum: So anxious, so excited, so ready to make you proud! You must trust me, Father. There is no one else.
* Princess Yum-Yum: Do cobblers have names? Tack the Cobbler: [nods and fixes the nanny's glasses] Princess Yum-Yum: Well, what is your name? Tack the Cobbler: [holds up a tack] Tack. Princess Yum-Yum: Tack? Is that your name? Nanny: He doesn't have a lot to say for himself. Princess Yum-Yum: Tack. Tack the Cobbler: [Allied Filmmakers version] I'm Tack./[Miramax version] At your service.
* Zigzag: O Greatest King of all the Earth, this low-born [uses cane to stop Tack from walking off] cobbler of no worth attacked me in the square today. Shall we take his head away? King Nod: [wakes up] Oh, yes, Zigzag, if you really think so. Princess Yum-Yum: But what has he done? Zigzag: [takes a tack from Tack's mouth] Attacked me! Princess Yum-Yum: Oh, really? Zigzag: [hisses] Yes!
* Princess Yum-Yum: And who are you? Chief Roofless: Well, I... I am Roofless, the chieftain, and this is my band of brigands.

### In the Miramax version

These are lines that are only heard in this version.
* Mad Holy Old Witch: When to the wall you find your back, a tack, A Tack, A TACK! Princess Yum-Yum: How can we attack the One-Eyes? Mad Holy Old Witch: Belief in yourself is what you lack, a tack, A Tack, and never look back!
* [the Thief is climbing up the sewer pipes] Thief: Whoa! Mom! What are you doing here?! Thief's Mom: What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?! You never visit! You never call! Has ya got a girl yet?! C'mon! Hey, you look skinny!
* [As ZigZag is showing his powers to King One-Eye] ZigZag: I conjure demons, charm beasts,[creates a hoop of fire] and birds of prey, too. Phido! [pulls on Phido's leash] Phido: C'mon, boss! I need a rehearsal here! [jumps through the hoop, his tail feathers are set on fire] Fire! Fire! Fire!

## External links

* Encyclopedic article on The Thief and the Cobbler on Wikipedia
* The Thief and the Cobbler quotes at the Internet Movie Database