# My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (season 2)

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The following is a list of quotes from the second season which ran from September 17, 2011 to April 21, 2012. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

### The Return of Harmony

Part 1
    Cheerilee: This creature is called a Draconequus; he has the head of a pony and a body of all sorts of other things. What do you suppose it represents?
    Sweetie Belle: Confusion!
    Apple Bloom: Evil!
    Scootaloo: Chaos!
    Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos, you dodo!
    Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos.
    Sweetie Belle: Is not!
    Apple Bloom: You're both wrong!
    Twilight: Princess Celestia, you can count on-
    Pinkie: [interrupts] Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys! Chocolate, rain!
    [Discord, a animal mixed-up dragon, appears before the Mane 6 after taking their wings and horns away]
    Discord: You should see the looks on your faces! Priceless!
    Twilight: Give us our wings and horns back!
    Discord: You'll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there's no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: No flying and no magic.
    Rainbow Dash: The first rule?
    Discord: The second rule is everypony has to play or the game is over and I win. Good luck, everypony! [disappears]
    [Discord is trying to convince Fluttershy to go to his side by taking the form of a group of butterflies];;
    Butterfly: Fluttershy, it looks like you've been left behind by your so-called friends, huh?
    Fluttershy: Oh, no. I'm certain they're doing their best to find me!
    Butterfly: Well, it must be so upsetting to know how weak and helpless they think you are....
    Fluttershy: Not at all, I am weak and helpless, and I appreciate their understanding.
    Butterfly: [frustrated] Yes.. Well, surely it burns you up... I mean, that they're always pointing out your flaws, right?
    Fluttershy: Not really. In fact, I think I'm awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be!
    [The butterflies transform back into Discord's normal form]
    Discord: [losing his temper] OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! [pokes Fluttershy's head, instantly corrupting her] You've been kind for far too long, dearie. Time to be cruel! Arrivederci! [disappears in a huff]
    Discord: A weighty choice is yours to make, the right selection or a big mistake. If the wrong choice you choose to pursue, the foundations of home will crumble without you.

### Part 2

    Corrupted Fluttershy: [sarcastically] Hey Twilight, what's soaking wet and clueless?
    Twilight: Fluttershy, I've had just about enough of... [Fluttershy dumps a bucket of water on her head]
    Corrupted Fluttershy: Your face! [slams the bucket on Twilight's head]
    Twilight: I can't see! Where is everypony?
    Twilight: See, girls? We did it! We found the Elements of Harmony! Together! [Corrupted Applejack yawns] You don't even care, do you?
    Twilight's Corrupted Friends: No.
    Twilight: [sighs, sadly] l never thought it would happen. My friends... [suddenly angry] have turned into complete jerks! [Quickly uses her magic to place the Elements on the ponies' neck] Necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace, and... [Puts on her Crown of Magic] big crown thingy. Come on, everypony, let's go!
    Spike: But, Twilight, aren't you missing somepony?
    Twilight: Nope. We got the liar, the grump, the hoarder, and the brute, that just about covers it.
    Spike: But what about Rainbow Dash?
    [Twilight puts Rainbow Dash's Element of Loyalty charm on Spike]
    Twilight: [sarcastically] Congratulations Spike, you're the new Rainbow Dash. Now let's go!
    Fluttershy: [to corrupted Rainbow Dash] Uhh, I'm just wondering if it's okay if I hold you down against your will for a little bit?
    Rarity: Oh, Fluttershy, would you be a dear and fly faster, please?!
    Fluttershy: [whimpers] I can't!
    Twilight: If you can't catch her, Discord wins!
    Fluttershy: That. BIG. DUMB. MEANIE!
    Discord: [laughs as he holds a glass under a cloud raining chocolate milk, which fills in reverse] Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!
    Twilight: Not as wonderful as friendship!
    Discord: Ugh, this again? [drinks the glass from the chocolate milk, and throws the milk away, where it explodes]
    Applejack: That's right. You couldn't break apart our friendship for long.
    Discord: Oh, Applejack, don't lie to me. I'm the one who made you a liar. Will you ever learn?
    Twilight Sparkle: I'll tell you what we've learned, Discord: We've learned that friendship isn't always easy, but there's no doubt it's worth fighting for!

### Lesson Zero

    Rarity: Please, tell me I did not forget the plates ... I did! I totally forgot them! Out of all the things that could happen, this is the worst, possible, thing!! [drags in a fainting couch and falls onto it] Whyyyy...?! Whyyyy....?! Whyyyyyyyyy...!?
    [The other ponies are perplexed by the scene]
    Rarity: What? You didn't expect me to lay on the grass, did you?
    Twilight: Now, why don't you tell me all about your issues with Applejack...
    Rainbow Dash: I don't have any issues with Applejack.
    Twilight: You don't?! Then, why are you destroying her property?
    Rainbow Dash: Because she asked me to. Right, Applejack?
    Applejack: [in a ditch; puts on a helmet] Yes, ma'am! I wanted to put up a new barn, but this one's gotta come down first! [laughs] Now get back to it, R.D.!
    Rainbow Dash: You got it, boss! [rockets up into the air]
    Applejack: [to Twilight] I'd take cover if I were you.
    [Twilight yelps and joins Applejack in the ditch; Rainbow Dash finishes off the barn in a huge, multi-colored "mushroom cloud" explosion]
    Twilight: [popping out of a ball the Crusaders were playing with, with a demented expression on her face] HI, GIRLS!
    Apple Bloom: Uh.. Hi, Twilight! How're ya doing?
    Twilight: Oh great. Just great! You look like you're doing great too. Obviously don't need the help of another good friend! [gets out an old looking doll] This, is Smarty Pants; she was mine I when I was your age, and now I want to give it to you!
    Scootaloo: [unsure] Uhh, she's great.
    Apple Bloom: [unsure] Yeah, great.
    Sweetie Belle: [unsure] I really like her ... mane?
    Twilight: She even comes with her own notebook and quill, for when you want to pretend she's doing her homework!
    Scootaloo: That's umm, great.
    Apple Bloom: Yeah, great.
    [Scootaloo and Apple Bloom nudge Sweetie Belle]
    Sweetie Belle: I really like her ... mane?
    Twilight: I hope the fact that there are three of you and only one of her doesn't become a problem! I'd hate to cause a rift between such gooooood friends!
    [Scootaloo twirls a hoof around her head; a "cuckoo clock" sound is heard]
    Fluttershy: We learned that you should take your friends' worries seriously.
    Rainbow Dash: Even if you don't think that she has anything to worry about.
    Rarity: And that you shouldn't let your worries turn a small problem...
    Pinkie: ...into an enormously huge "entire town in total chaos, Princess has to come and save the day" problem!

### Luna Eclipsed

    [Pinkie, dressed as a chicken, has visited Twilight's house expecting candy for Nightmare Night]
    Pinkie: Ba-kaw! Enough chit-chat! Time is candy!
    Twilight: Pinkie, aren't you a little old for this?
    Pinkie: Too old for free candy?! [squawks] Never!
    [Twilight rolls her eyes and levitates a candy into Pinkie's bag]
    [Luna, with her blue mane and tail waving like her sister's, appears]
    Princess Luna: [booming voice] Citizens of Ponyville! We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real princess of the night! A creature of nightmares no longer, but instead a pony who desires your love and admiration! Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!
    [lightning, thunder]
    Twilight: Princess Luna? Hi, my name is-
    Luna: Star Swirl the Bearded. Commendable costume! Thou even got the bells right...
    Twilight: Thank you, finally! Somepony who gets my costume!
-,,[Geryson]: excuse me please be quiet I’m trying to get some rest.
    Twilight: You kinda sound like you're yelling at me.
    ’’’Gaunson‘’’: I’m with the pony she’s got a point.
    Luna: But this is the traditional royal Canterlot voice! It is tradition to speak using the Royal "we", and to use [louder and echoed] This much volume when addressing our subjects!
    ’’’ Greyson: OH COME ON. PLEASE.
    ’’’ Abrams : chill man. Trying to fix the plane. [Abrams goes back to fixing the plane]
    Twilight: Don't worry, Princess. Fluttershy can give you some great pointers. She's delicate and demure with the sweetest little voice. [knocks on door]
    Fluttershy: [loudly and echoed] Go away! No candy here! Visitors are not welcome on Nightmare Night!
    Twilight: [nervous laughter] Fluttershy, it's me, Twilight!
    Fluttershy: It is you. Oh, and Nightmare Moon. [gasp] Nightmare Moon?! Aaah! [slams the door]
    Twilight: [another nervous laughter] Wait right here.
    [various noises]
    Twilight: Fluttershy... you remember Princess Luna?
    Luna: [booming voice throughout the scene] Charmed.
    [Fluttershy zooms away in fear, but Twilight levitates her back]
    Fluttershy: [timidly] Likewise.
    Luna: Twilight Sparkle hath spoken of the sweetness of thy voice. We ask thou teachest to us to speak as thou speakest.
    Fluttershy: [quiet] OK.
    Luna: Shall our lessons begin?
    Fluttershy: [quieter] OK...
    Luna: Shall we mimic thy voice?
    Fluttershy: [whisper] OK...?
    Luna: How is this?
    Fluttershy: [hurriedly] Perfect, lesson over!
    [Fluttershy zooms away but Twilight slams the door on her]
    Twilight: A little quieter, princess.
    Luna: [booming voice] How is... [loud voice] this?
    Twilight: Better. Right, Fluttershy?
    Fluttershy: [nervous, dazed laughter] Yes...
    Luna: [loud voice] How... about... now?
    Twilight: Now you're getting it.
    Luna: [normal voice] And... how about now?
    Twilight: Yes! Well done.
    Luna: [booming voice] I thank thee, deer Fluttershy! Our normal speaking voice shall surely win us the hearts of thy fellow villagers!
[plane engine falters out] [clank]’’’’ Abrams:peace of junk. [Abrams kicks the plane engine]
    Twilight: Princess, remember! Watch the screaming!
    Luna: [Booming voice] No, Twilight Sparkle! We must use the traditional royal Canterlot voice for what we are about to say!
    [Twilight looks on in disbelief.]
    Luna: [Booming voice] Since you choose to fear your princess rather than love her, and dishonor her with this insulting celebration, we decree that Nightmare Night shall be canceled! FOREVER!!!
    [The entire crowd is shocked, so is Twilight.]
    Twilight: So, why do you keep running away and screaming?
    Pinkie: Sometimes, it's just really fun to be scared!
    Twilight: Fun? [pauses] Pinkie, you're a genius!
    Pinkie: No I'm not, I'm a chicken! Baw-gaak!
    ’’’[plane engine falls on to ground]
    Luna: [Booming voice] Oh, most wonderful of -- [Normal voice] I mean...oh, most wonderful of nights.

### Sisterhooves Social

[Sweetie Belle has made breakfast, though all of it is burnt]
    Rarity: [sniffs a glass of ashes] I didn't know you could burn juice.
    Fran: I've been giving her lessons. I wouldn't be surprised if she got a Cutie Mark in fancy cooking by the time we get back from our vacation.
    Rarity: Vacation? Is that this week, as in, starting this very instant this week?!
    [Sweetie Belle serves a bowl of a burnt, bubbling substance]
    Rarity: Uhh, let me guess: apple sauce?
    Sweetie Belle: Nope, toast!
    Apple Bloom: What's uncouth?
    Applejack: It means uncivil, ya know, bad-mannered. [Applebloom burps loudly] Exactly!
    Applejack: Bein' sisters is a give-and-take relationship. You've been doin' a whole lot of takin', but not a lot of givin'.
    Rarity: Of course I give! I give lessons, and reasonable demands-
    Applejack: But you never give in. Bein' sisters is like... apple pie! You can have amazin' apples, and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust, but only together can you have a perfect apple pie.
    Rarity: [to herself] But apart, all we are is just a pile of mush and some crumbly, dry mess. [gasps] I know what I need to do! I just hope it isn't too late!
    Rarity: Arrrggh, Sweetie Belle! Where's her silly little arts and craft project? [sees Sweetie Belle's project, a picture of her and Rarity made from gemstones] Oh, Sweetie Belle! My one and only sister. What have I done?! All the time I could have spent with you was wasted complaining, and wishing you were gone! [cries] Woe is me!! [stops herself] No! I must get her back. I MUST! As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sisterless again!
    Rarity: Very well then, what shall we write to the Princess?
    Sweetie Belle: I'll start. "Having a sister is just about the bestest thing in the world. But it sure isn't the easiest."
    Rarity: I agree that being sisters is a wonderful thing, but it takes teamwork. Sometimes it's about compromising. Sometimes it's about accepting each others' differences. But mostly, it's about having fun together. Even if it means getting your hooves a little bit dirty.
    Sweetie Belle: A lot dirty.
    Rarity: A little bit dirty.
    Sweetie Belle: A lot dirty!
    Rarity: A little bit dirty!
    Sweetie Belle: A lo --
    Spike: Hold it, hold it! How about: a medium amount of dirty, not too little, not too much, just right?
    Rarity, Sweetie Belle: Deal!

### The Cutie Pox

    [A cutie mark of a Fleur-de-lis caused by the Cutie Pox is causing Apple Bloom to speak french]
    Apple Bloom: Sacrebleu! Plus de marque de cutie! [gasps] Qu'est-ce que c'est?! Je parle français?!
    Applejack: My sister's speakin' in fancy!
    Lily Valley: [about Apple Bloom] She's cursed!!
    Rose: Hexed!!
    Daisy: Enchanted!!
    Spike: She is not.
    [The Flower Trio sighs in relief]
    Spike: She just has some weird mysterious disease with no known cure called "Cutie Pox".
    Ponyville Citizens: The cutie pox?!
    [the Ponyville citizens run away]
    Apple Bloom: Yup! All good things come to those who wait. [pause] Well! I've waited long enough.
    Scootaloo: Actually, that was way too long.
    Applejack: [hoping that someone will confess what happened to Zecora's "heart's desire" flower] Now somepony tell the truth! (Beat) Somepony! Anypony!
    Pinkie: [flustered] Yesterday I told Mrs. Cake that I ate two corncakes, but I really ate three! [pauses] Okay six! I ate six corncakes! [nothing happens] Make it stop! Oh, Make it stop!

### May the Best Pet Win!

    Fluttershy: [singing] How 'bout a bunny? They're cutesy and wootsie and quick as can be!
    Rainbow Dash: "Cutesy", "wootsie"... Have you even met me?
    Rainbow Dash: [singing] The bat would be awesome, but the wasp I'm digging too! Do you have something in a yellow-striped bat?
    Fluttershy: No.
    Fluttershy: Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way. You won't even know he's there...
    Rainbow Dash: Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed, agility, guts, style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.
    Twilight: Aren't those all the same thing?
    Rainbow Dash: You would think that, Twilight. [starts patting her head] And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet. [dashes off]
    Rainbow Dash: Listen, turtle...
    Fluttershy: [pokes through the curtain] Tortoise.
    Rainbow Dash: Whatever

### The Mysterious Mare Do Well

    Rainbow Dash: [repeated line] Never fear! Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!
    Twilight: Are you taking notes?
    Spike: Yup! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!
    Twilight: Umm, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.
    Rainbow Dash: Maybe for your normal, run-of-the-mill ponies. But I'm far too busy saving lives to stop and write. That's why I hired Spike as my ghost writer.
    Pinkie: [overhears the conversation] Ahhh! Spike's a ghost! [quickly dashes out of the room]
    Kid pony: [nervous] Someday, I wanna be just like you!
    Rainbow Dash: Aim high, kid. But don't aim for the impossible.
    Rainbow Dash: How would you describe what I just did? Would you say I was amazing?
    Amethyst Star: Aren't you milking this a bit?
    Twilight: It sounds like somepony is jealous.
    Spike: [writing] Rainbow Dash is jealous.
    Rainbow Dash: Don't write that, Spike! [all the other ponies laugh]
    Spike: [writing] Correction; Rainbow Dash is very jealous.

### Sweet and Elite

    [Rarity is constantly switching between Twilight's birthday party and the formal at the garden]
    Rarity: [at the formal and Twilight's party each time] Uhhh... I think I left the bathwater running in my suite. I really should go check on Opal. Is that Princess Celestia? I need to use the little fillies' room. Can I get anypony more punch? [exhausted] I... have to... go to do... the... thing... with the stuff... you know...?
    Rainbow Dash: [at Twilight's party] Uh, what's with the croquet mallet?
    Rarity: [muffled] What croquet mallet?
    Rainbow Dash: Duh, the one in your mouth?
    Rarity: [drops the mallet, laughs nervously] Ooh, that croquet mallet!

### Secret of My Excess

    Spike: Spike want!
    Rarity: Oh, be quiet! You've got nothing to be proud of! You steal everypony's things, terrorize the town, and use me as a weapon against my own friends! Which, as horrible as it is, I can almost understand because you're a dragon and all, but this! [tears off a ruined cape] This, is a crime against fashion!!
    [Pinkie is using cakes as projectiles to fend off Spike]
    Twilight: Pinkie, stop giving him cake!
    Pinkie: [angry] I'm not giving him cake! I'm assaulting him with cake!
    Spike: Rarity... I need to tell you something, just in case we don't make it! I've always sort of had a crush... [Rarity stops him, and looks back at him with teary eyes]

### Hearth's Warming Eve

    [Pinkie, as Chancelor Puddinghead, drops into the cabin through the chimney]
    Smart Cookie (AJ): Wouldn't it have been easier to use the door, Chancellor?
    Chancelor Puddinghead (PP): Maybe for you, Smart Cookie, but I am a chancellor! I was elected because I know how to think outside the box. Which means [walks into a fireplace] I can also think inside the chimney! Can you think inside a chimney?
    Smart Cookie (AJ): I...
    Chancelor Puddinghead (PP): [walks out with coal soot covering her face] I didn't think so!
    Commander Hurricane (RD), Princess Platinum (RA), and Chancelor Puddinghead (PP): We found our new home!
    [The three notice their simultaneous claims]
    Commander Hurricane (RD): I planted my flag first!
    Princess Platinum (RA): Did not!
    Commander Hurricane (RD): Did too!
    Chancelor Puddinghead (PP): [cheerfully] I planted mine earlier than first! [her flag falls over]
    Princess Platinum (RA): All of you riff-raff are trespassing on Unicornia!
    Commander Hurricane (RD): The name is Pegasopolis!
    Chancelor Puddinghead (PP): Earth!
    Rainbow Dash (as Commander Hurricane): Earth ponies are numbskulls!
    Rarity (as Princess Platinum): Pegasi are brutes!
    Pinkie Pie (as Chancelor Puddinghead): Unicorns are snobs!
    Private Pansy (FS): Well, I don't hate you... I actually hate Commander Hurricane a lot more than I hate you guys.
    Smart Cookie (AJ) and Clover the Clever (TS): [giggling]
    Private Pansy (FS): Actually, I don't really hate her, I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike her.

### Family Appreciation Day

    Apple Bloom: Ready, Granny!
    Granny Smith: Ready for what?
    Apple Bloom: For makin' Zap Apple Jam!
    Granny Smith: Darn tootin'! It's time for some good old-fashioned Zap Apple Jammin'!
    Apple Bloom: Yes ma'am, I can't wait ma'am!
    Granny Smith: [pauses] Wait for what?
    Apple Bloom: To make Zap Apple Jam with you!
    Granny Smith: O'course.
    Apple Bloom: I'll be embarrassed, shamed, disgraced, mortified, humiliate-
    Scootaloo: What are you, a dictionary?

### Baby Cakes

    Mr. Cake: Now, Pinkie, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?
    Pinkie: I can be responsible. Why, responsibility is my middle name. Pinkie Responsibility Pie.
    [Pinkie is trying to give a stand-up comedy performance for Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake as the twin cakes stop crying]
    Pinkie: Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight, where y'all from? [Pumpkin Cake tries to grab at the broom "microphone"] Well that's great, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it 'cause I couldn't find tractors that small! [awkward silence] Get it? Tractors that small? [more awkward silence] The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now I can't find him! [plays a rimshot]
    Mrs. Cake: Oh.
    Pound and Pumpkin Cake: [cries again]
    Pinkie Pie: Oooh, tough crowd. [back at the stage] Tell me about it.
    Applejack: Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus, and the other one a unicorn?
    Mr. Cake: Easy. My great-great-great-great grandfather was a unicorn, and Cup Cake's great aunt's second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. That makes sense, right?
    Rainbow Dash: Aw yeah, just you wait! Once little Pound Cake gets his wings going, he'll be all over the place.
    Twilight: And be careful around Pumpkin Cake.
    Rarity: Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go.
    Mrs. Cake: Uh uh uh, Pound Cake, no pounding things.

### The Last Roundup

    Rainbow Dash: [gets hit by a lightning bolt] Huh?! Now, careful Derpy! [flies up to the sight of Derpy hopping on top of a storm cloud] You don't wanna do more damage than you've already done. [The top of the Town Hall collapses]
    Derpy Hooves: I just don't know what went wrong! [gets electrocuted by the cloud]
    Rainbow Dash: [sarcastically] Yeah, it's a mystery.
    [Pinkie sneaks up to Applejack at a cherry farm, trying to interrogate her]
    Pinkie: Have you ever had a Cherrychanga? Ooh! Sorry, that was a question.
    Applejack: That kind of question is fine, Pinkie. No, I-I never had a cherrychanga.
    Pinkie: Well no wonder, because I made it up myself! A Cherrychanga is mashed up cherries in a tortilla that's deep fried! Cherrychanga! Great name, huh? Oh, but maybe I should call it a Chimmicherry! Ooh, that's good too. Which do you think sounds better? Cherrychanga or Chimmicherry? Or what if I combine them? Chimmi-cherry-changa! What sounds the funniest? [continues tailing Applejack] I like funny words! One of my favorite funny words is "kumquat"! I didn't make that one up. I would work in a kumquat orchard just so I could say kumquat all day! Kumquat, kumquat, kumquat! And "pickle barrel"! Isn't that just the funnest thing to say? Pickle barrel! Pickle barrel! Pickle barrel! Say it with me! Pickle-barrel-kumquat! Pickle-barrel-kumquat! Pickle-barrel-kumquat! Chimmi-cherry-changa! [Keeps talking]
    Applejack: Nooooooo! Make it stop! Make it stop!
    Pinkie: Speaking of beans, did you ever realize how many words rhyme with "bean"? Clean, mean, spleen, unclean, keen, bean!
    Applejack: Sorry, Pinkie, but I can't tell y'all the truth! I just can't!
    Pinkie: Well, I heard a "sorry" in there, so that’ll have to do for now. I’ll get a real apology later! [jumps off the cart] Rarity, catch me!
    Rarity: What?! Pinkie! [Pinkie Pie slams into Rarity on her cart, knocking them both off]
    Twilight: Rainbow! Go back!
    Rainbow Dash: No time! They knew what they were getting into!

### The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

    Twilight: Isn't this exciting, Spike? Opening day of cider season!
    Spike: Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!
    [Twilight and Rarity roll their eyes]
    Flam: Drink up, Ponyville! Down the hatch!
    [A group of ponies drink the cider, only to spit it back at the Flim-Flam Brothers]
    Cherry Berry: Ahhhh, I can't get the taste off my tongue!
    Sweetie Drops: Mine's got rocks in it!
    Comet Tail: I wouldn't pay one cent for this dreck!
    Flam: You wouldn't pay even one cent?
    Crowd: No!
    Applejack: Dear Princess Celestia; I wanted to share my thoughts with you. [clears throat] I didn't learn anythin'! Ha! I was right all along!

### Read It and Weep

    Twilight: Rarity, Pinkie, what are you two looking at?
    Pinkie: Rainbow Dash! Isn't she the most daring devil- I mean devilish darer- I mean-
    Rarity: She's dazzling!
    Pinkie: Oh yeah that's a good word. She's dazzling!
    Pinkie: Yeah! I love reading, and my head isn't even close to the shape of an egg! It's more the shape of an apple, or maybe an orange, but a big orange, more like a grapefruit really...
    Rainbow Dash: I hate to admit this to myself, and I would really hate admitting it to my friends, but... I love this story. I- I love reading! [eyes widen in realization] I'm an egghead!
    Daring Do: You won't get away with this!
    Ahuizotl: But I already have.

### Hearts and Hooves Day

    Cheerilee: Would you three like to tell us why it was so very important that we meet you her-
    Sweetie Belle: -Punch!
    Cheerilee: Excuse me?
    Sweetie Belle: Punch! We made punch. We were gonna set up a stand and try to sell it but, heh, we needed somepony to taste-test it first.
    Apple Bloom: Yup.
    Sweetie Belle: [hesitantly] We thought you two would be perfect together... To test it... Together. So, ah, we'll just leave you two alone... Together, to test it.
    Cheerilee: Big Mac?
    Big Mac: Eeyup?
    [A pause...]
    Cheerilee: ...You have something stuck in your teeth.
    Sweetie Belle: [emerges from a bush] OH, COME ON!!! [Scootaloo drags her back down]
    Cheerilee: He's my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie!
    Big Mac: You're my shmoopy-doopy sweedy-weedy pony pie.
    Apple Bloom: Did he just say...?
    [Both of them appear to be hypnotized by love]
    Cheerilee: You're my cutie-patootie lovey-dovey honey-bunny!
    Big Mac: You're my heartie-smartie smirchy-wirchy baby-waby.
    Apple Bloom: Big Mac! [waves a hoof in his face] Hello?! What's going on?!
    All: [gasp] No!

### A Friend in Deed

    Pinkie: C'mon now, Doodle, give a smile!
    Cranky Doodle Donkey: Nopony calls me "Doodle"!
    Pinkie: Never, or never ever?
    Cranky Doodle: Never ever ever ever ever!
    Pinkie: That's four evers. That's like, forever!
    Pinkie: Oh. Was that your wig?
    Cranky Doodle: [growls]
    Pinkie: I can fix this, I can fix this! [gets out a megaphone] Hey, everypony! Does anypony have a toupee? [The other ponies around her are confused] This donkey is really, really, bald! [The other ponies laugh] What's so funny? This is serious business, everypony! Cranky needs a new wig to cover his hairless head!
    Pinkie: Woohoo! This is just fantastic! Ooh, now we can hang out together, and chat, and sing songs, and [gasps] party! Oh, I can throw you guys a big party! It'll be called a "Welcome to Ponyville, I found my lost love, I'm BFF's with Pinkie Pie Party" ...Or maybe something less over-the-top and not so super-hyper.
    Cranky Doodle and Matilda: [after Pinkie finishes singing] Pinkie!

### Putting Your Hoof Down

    Iron Will: He’s blocking your path. What are you gonna do about it?
    Fluttershy: Um, politely walk around him?
    Iron Will: No.
    Fluttershy: Gingerly tip-toe around him?
    Iron Will: No!
    Fluttershy: Go back home, and try again tomorrow?
    Iron Will: Never apologize when you can criticize.
    Fluttershy: Nopony pushes new Fluttershy around! Nopony!
    Rarity: Fluttershy, what are you doing? That's no way to behave!
    Fluttershy: Didn't you see what he did to new Fluttershy? And he thought new Fluttershy is a pushover!
    Rarity: No, sweetie, he didn't. We saw the whole thing. We think that you've taken your assertiveness training a little too far.
    Fluttershy: What?! You just want new Fluttershy to be a doormat like old Fluttershy! But old Fluttershy is gone!
    Pinkie Pie: New Fluttershy? Old Fluttershy?!
    Rarity: What happened to nice Fluttershy? We want that Fluttershy back.
    Fluttershy: No, you want wimp Fluttershy. You want pushover Fluttershy. You want do-anything-to-her-and-she-won't-complain Fluttershy!
    Pinkie Pie: Nyaaaaah! Too many Fluttershys to keep track of! Make it stop!
    Fluttershy: Things getting too complicated for your simple little brain, Pinkie Pie?
    [Rarity catches Pinkie Pie]
    Rarity: [angrily] Now, stop right there! Let's not let things descend into petty insults!
    Fluttershy: Why not? I thought 'petty' is what you're all about, Rarity. With your 'petty' concerns about fashion.
    [Rarity gasps in shock]
    Pinkie Pie: Hey, leave her alone! Fashion is her passion!
    Fluttershy: Oh, and what are you passionate about? Birthday cake? Party hats? [Pinkie retreats] I can't believe that the two most frivolous ponies in Ponyville are trying to tell new Fluttershy how to live her life when they are throwing their own lives away on pointless pursuits that nopony else gives a flying feather about!
    Pinkie Pie: [in tears] Looks like nasty Fluttershy is here to stay!
    Rarity: [also in tears] I cannot believe what that monster Iron Will has done to you!
    [Rarity and Pinkie Pie run away crying]
    Fluttershy: Iron Will's not a monster, he's a minotaur! [she angrily sees her reflection on Rarity and Pinkie's tear puddle and comes to realization in tears] I'm the monster.
    Pinkie: Old Pinkie Pie's not so sure New Fluttershy is such a good idea after all.
    Rarity: Old Rarity agrees.
    Iron Will: What did you say?
    Fluttershy: No.
    Iron Will: Ohhh, I'd hate to be you right now, because Iron Will is gonna to rain down a world of hurt unless Iron Will gets his money pronto! [snorts]
    Fluttershy: As I recall, during your workshop you promised one hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed, or you pay nothing. Well, I'm not satisfied.
    Iron Will: What do you mean you're not satisfied?! Everypony has always been satisfied!
    Fluttershy: Well, I guess I'm the first then. But since I'm not satisfied, I refuse to pay. It's as simple as that.
    [goats bleating]
    Iron Will: Ohh, are you... sure you're not just a little bit satisfied? B-because maybe... we could cut a deal. I-I mean we're both reasonable creatures, aren't we?
    Fluttershy: I'm sorry, but no means no.
    Iron Will: No means no, huh? Nopony's ever said that to me before. Huh... I gotta remember that one. That's a good catchphrase for my next workshop.
    [goat bleating]
    Pinkie: You were amazing, Fluttershy! You totally stood up to that monster!
    Rarity: In fact, you didn't change at all! You were the same old Fluttershy that we've always loved!
    Pinkie: The one we missed!
    Fluttershy: Don't worry, old Fluttershy's back for good. I'm sorry I took the whole assertiveness thing too far. Friends?
    Pinkie and Rarity: Friends.
    Fluttershy, Pinkie and Rarity: [laughing]

### It's About Time

    Twilight: Who are you? I mean, you're me, but I'm me too. How can there be two 'me's? It's not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible!
    Future Twilight: Twilight, please! I have a very important message for you from the future!
    Twilight: You're from the future?!
    Future Twilight: That's right, now listen-
    Twilight: What happened to you? The future must be awful.
    Future Twilight: Please! I don't have much time!
    Twilight: Is there some sort of epic pony war in the distant future or something?
    Future Twilight: Actually, I’m from next Tuesday morning. But that’s not important right now!
    Twilight: I can’t believe time travel is really possible! How did you—I mean, I—figure it out?
    Future Twilight: The time spells are in the Canterlot Archives. But that’s not—
    Twilight: Really? Where? I’ve never seen them.
    Future Twilight: They’re in the Starswirl the Bearded Wing. Now you have to listen to—
    Twilight: Is time travel fun, or does it hurt? I have so many questions—
    Future Twilight: [slams a hoof in Twilight's mouth] I have something extremely important to tell you about the future! And I only have a few seconds, so you’ve got to listen! Whatever you do, don’t -- !
    [Future Twilight disappears before she could finish]
    Twilight: Future Twilight?! Oh, no! What was she trying to warn me about?! Her clothes, her mane, that scar! Oh, what a mess she is…I mean, I am…or I will be. ...She must want me to prevent whatever horrible thing happens in the future! [gasps]
    Twilight: Pinkie!
    Pinkie: Yes, Twilight?
    Twilight: Do you have a ball I could borrow?
    Pinkie: [goes to a tree and takes a ball out of a crack] I have balls stashed all over Ponyville! In case of ball emergencies...
    Spike: Uh, Twilight?
    Twilight: [hushed] What is it, Spike?
    Spike: Isn't this where we came in?
    Pinkie: Cool! Can we climb in the window again? That was super fun!
    Twilight: Wow, I knew you were good with animals, but this is amazing.
    Fluttershy: Aww, he's just a big furry guy who got out of his yard, that's all. Right, Cerberus? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

### Dragon Quest

    Rainbow Dash: Look Fluttershy, I watched that boring butterfly migration with you — so now it's your turn to watch the dragon migration with me! You owe me!
    Fluttershy: I...said....no!
    Rarity: Yes. You've got something those dreadfully fierce dragons can only dream of.
    Spike: [excited] What's that?
    Rarity: The cutest wittle chubby cheeks!
    [Rarity rolls out a red carpet with confetti in front of a trench, wearing a purple and gold camouflage-inspired outfit]
    Rarity: Well... what do you think? Am I the toast of the trench or what?
    Applejack: [whispering] You'll be toast alright, when the dragons see you parading around in that getup.
    Twilight: [whispering] You look very nice, Rarity, but could you maybe look nice down here in the trench with us?
    Rarity: Nice is an understatement. I look fabulous! Who says camouflage has to be drab?
    Spike: Count me out. I've gotta get an early start!
    Rarity: An early start?
    Spike: Yes! I'm going on a quest of self-discovery! I'm going to learn what it means to be a dragon! And the only way I'm gonna do that is to join the Dragon Migration!
    Twilight Sparkle, Rarity and Rainbow Dash: What?!?
    Garble: [about the poorly built dragon costume] Who's this weirdo?
    Purple dragon: I think he's Crackle's cousin.
    [Crackle is shown to be an actual dragon which looks exactly like the costume]
    Crackle: Graaarp!
    Garble: Oh, that would explain it.

### Ponyville Confidential

    Applejack: [reading the tabloid] “Applejack, asleep on the job!” Can y'all believe this?! And this one [sees a picture of Big McIntosh playing with the Smarty Pants doll from "Lesson Zero"]: “Big McIntosh – what's he hiding?” Who the hay does this Gabby Gums think she is?
    Twilight: Listen to this one. “Twilight Sparkle: I was a Canterlot snob. A well-placed scaly source close to the prissy pony says Twilight Sparkle thinks Ponyville is nothing but muddy roads and low-class rubes.”
    Twilight: We've got to put a stop to this once and for all! Sweetie Belle's on the newspaper staff. Maybe she knows who Gabby Gums is!
    Rarity: [gasps] My sister would never associate with anyone as beastly as Gabby Gums! I resent you even suggesting such a thing, Twilight! Why, she's the most innocent, most lovely-
    [Cuts back to Carusel Boutique, where Rarity finds her diary in Sweetie Belle's bag]
    Rarity: -most evil pony in Equestria! How could my own sister steal my private diary? How could my own sister be... Gabby Gums?
    Big Mac: You should be ashamed of yourselves, humiliatin' your sister and me like that. We don't want to talk to any of y'all right now, so take your little gossip column and your embarrassin' photographs, and just GO AWAY!
    Sweetie Belle: To the citizens of Ponyville. For some time now, you've been reading this column to get the latest dirt and the hottest buzz. But this will be my final piece. We want to apologize for the pain and embarrassment we've caused.
    Apple Bloom: You see, I'm actually three little fillies: Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.
    [Rainbow Dash kicks the raincloud away]
    Scootaloo: As the popularity of our column grew, we got swept up in the hype. We knew that what we were doing didn't feel quite right, but we ignored the guilt because every pony seemed to want to read what we were writing.
    [Fluttershy hugs the Cutie Mark Crusaders]
    Sweetie Belle: From now on, we promise to respect everypony else's privacy and we won't engage in hurtful gossip anymore.
    [Twilight lowers the force field around the Golden Oak library. Cut to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle reconciling with Applejack and Rarity]
    Apple Bloom: all we can do is ask for your forgiveness, Ponyville. Signing off for the very last time, XOXO, Gabby Gums.

### Mystery on the Friendship Express

    Pinkie: Well the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. All that rich, creamy goodness of the marzipan combined with the tart and tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth silky sweetness of the meringue. That's why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the "MMMM"!
    All: MMMM!
    Pinkie: [snores] Huh? What? [gasps] The cake! Oh MMMM, you look -marvelous.
    Twilight: Whoa!
    Pinkie: I know. I think some congratulations are in order for a job well done.
    Twilight: Um, you better hold off on giving yourself an award just yet Pinkie... look!
    Pinkie: Look at what? Huh? [gasps]
    [Twilight has determined that the thief is a unicorn wearing false eyelashes, per evidence found]
    Twilight: Has anypony else noticed that Rarity is wearing her hair rather differently today?
    Rarity: [gasps] What? Is it a crime to change one's style every now and again? Why, I think it's a crime not to.
    Twilight: Really? [uses magic to lift the hair covering Rarity's left eye, revealing a missing eyelash]
    Rarity: Fine, I'm guilty! I wear false eyelashes!! [pauses] ...Oh, and I took a bite of the cake.

### A Canterlot Wedding - Part 1

    [The Mane 6 gather around a stunned Twilight]
    Applejack: Your brother's getting married? Congratulations, Twilight! That's great news!
    Twilight: Yeah, great news. That I just got from a wedding invitation! Not from my brother, but from a piece of paper! Thanks a lot, Shining Armor. I mean, really, he couldn't tell me personally? [sarcastically and mockingly, using a sandwich as a puppet] "Hey, Twilight, just thought you should know I'm making a really big decision that changes everything. Oh, nevermind, you'll hear about it when you get the invitation." [own voice, snarky] Princess Mi Amore Cadenza? Who in the hoof is that?! [snorts]
    Shining: Twily, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza" is Cadance, your old foalsitter.
    Twilight: Cadance?! As in THE Cadance?!? As in, the greatest foalsitter in the history of foalsitters!!??!!
    Shining: Heh... you tell me, she was your foalsitter.
    Twilight: Shining Armor's in real trouble! You have to help-
    [The rest of the ponies continue chattering. Twilight notices their outfits]
    Twilight: Dresses? What are you..?!
    Fluttershy: Can you believe it? We're gonna be Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's new bridesmaids!
    Twilight: "New" bridesmaids? What happened to her old bridesmaids?
    Applejack: She didn't say. But she did tell us that she would love, love, love it if we'd fill in for them.
    Twilight: And I'm sure it's the result of being an awful pony who doesn't deserve to even know Shining Armor let alone marry him!
    Applejack: Think maybe you're being just a tiny bit possessive of your brother?
    Rest of main cast: Uh-huh.
    Twilight: I am not being possessive, and I am NOT taking it out on Cadance! You're all just too caught up in your wedding planning to notice that maybe there shouldn't even [pounds hoof on table] be a wedding!
    Fake Princess Cadance: [about the bridesmaids' dresses] And those should be a different color.
    Twinkleshine: I think they're lovely.
    Minuette: Me too!
    Lyra Heartstrings: I love them.
    Fake Princess Cadance: [angrily] Make them a different color.
    Shining Armor: You want to know why my eyes went all- [rolls eyes, followed by a grunt of pain] Because ever since I started having to perform my protection spell, I've been getting terrible migraines. Cadance hasn't been casting spells on me. She's been using her magic to heal me!
    Twilight: [inhales]
    Shining Armor: And she decided to replace her bridesmaids because she found out the only reason they wanted to be in the wedding was so that they could meet Canterlot royalty! And if she hasn't been on her best behavior with your [stomps hoof] friends, it's because with me being so busy, she's had to make all the decisions about the wedding!
    Twilight: I was just trying to–
    Shining Armor: She's been completely stressed out because it's really important to her that her big day be perfect! Something that obviously wasn't important to you. [Twilight gasps] Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride. And you can forget about being my best mare. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't show up to the wedding at all.
    Applejack: C'mon, y'all. Let's go check on the princess.
    [The rest of Twilight's friends; including Spike, leave her]
    Twilight: I was-
    Princess Celestia: [coldly yet sternly] You have a lot to think about.
    [The wedding hall doors slam, leaving Twilight alone]
    Twilight: [left alone after she drove off Cadance, Shining Armor, her friends and Princess Celestia by claiming Cadance was evil] Maybe I was too overprotective [of Shining Armor]. I could have gained a sister; but instead, I just lost a brother. [after singing a reprise of "BBBFF", "Cadance" comes back, and strokes Twilight's hair] I'm sorry.
    Fake Princess Cadance: [eyes flash green] You WILL be! [sends Twilight sinking down into the mines of the castle, while smirking evily and walks off]

### A Canterlot Wedding- Part 2

    [Twilight blasts open a cave containing the real Cadence]
    Princess Cadance: No! Wait! Ugh! Please! Don't hurt me! Twilight, it's me! Please, you have to believe me. I've been imprisoned like you. The Cadance who brought you down here was an impostor.
    Twilight Sparkle: Likely story!
    Princess Cadance: Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves...
    Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance: ...and do a little shake.
    Twilight Sparkle: You remember me!
    Princess Cadance: Of course I do. How could I forget the filly I loved to sit for the most?
    Applejack: I-I don't understand. How can there be two of 'em?
    Princess Cadance: She's a changeling. She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them.
    ["Cadance" disposes her disguise and transforms into Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.]
    Queen Chrysalis: [laughing] Right you are, Princess. And as queen of the changelings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects. Equestria has more love than any place I've ever encountered. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!
    Princess Cadance: They'll never get the chance! Shining Armor's protection spell will keep them from ever even reaching us!
    Queen Chrysalis: [chuckling] Oh, I doubt that. Isn't that right, dear?
    Shining Armor: Mm-hmm.
    Queen Chrysalis: Ah, ah, ah. Don't want to go back to the caves now, do you? Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding off Shining Armor's love for you. Every moment he grows weaker and so does his spell. Even now, my minions are chipping away at it.
    Changelings: [laughing]
    Queen Chrysalis: [laughing] He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now.
    Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance: [both gasps]
    Queen Chrysalis: And, I'm sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as captain of the Royal Guard.
    Princess Cadance: Not my Shining Armor!
    Queen Chrysalis: Soon, my changeling army will break through. First, we take Canterlot. And then, all of Equestria!
    Princess Celestia: No. You won't. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!
    Queen Chrysalis: [grunting]
    [Princess Celestia and Queen Chrysalis engage in a beam battle. Queen Chrysalis ends up winning and Princess Celestia lands on the floor, her horn burnt and her crown loose. The wedding audience gasps in horror.]
    Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia!
    [Twilight runs to her. Her friends follow her.]
    Queen Chrysalis: Ah! Shining Armor's love for you is even stronger than I thought! Consuming it has made me even more powerful than Celestia!
    Princess Celestia: The Elements of Harmony. You must get to them, and use their power to defeat the queen.
    Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow and Applejack: Rarity!
    Queen Chrysalis: [laughing] You can run, but you can't hide!
    [A Changeling, about to attack Pinkie, transforms into Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy]
    Pinkie Pie: [laughing] Do me, do me!
    [The changeling rolls its eyes, then turns into Pinkie]
    Pinkie Pie: Meh, I've seen better. [grabs Twilight and uses her as a Gatling Gun]
    Princess Cadance: You won't get away with this! Twilight and her friends will--
    [At that moment, the doors to the wedding hall open, revealing that the changelings captured The Mane Six; two of them holding Rainbow Dash by the front hooves, the others are walking.]
    Queen Chrysalis: You were saying? You do realized the reception's been cancelled, don't you? Go! Feed!
    [door closes]
    Queen Chrysalis: [laughing] It's funny, really. Twilight here was suspicious of my behavior all along. [Twilight slaps her hoof from her chin] Too bad the rest of you were too caught up in your wedding planning to realize those suspicions were correct! [laughing]
    Applejack: Sorry, Twi. We should've listened to you.
    Twilight Sparkle: It's not your fault. She fooled everypony.
    Queen Chrysalis: Hmm, I did, didn't I?
    [She goes over to a window]
    This day has been just perfect
    The kind of day which I dreamed since I was small
    Everpony I'll soon control
    Every stallion, mare, and foal
    Who says a girl can't really have it all? [evil laugh]
    Twilight Sparkle: Quick! Go to him while you still have the chance!
    [magic electric sounds]
    Shining Armor: Wha-where... Huh? Is-is the wedding over?
    Queen Chrysalis: It's all over!
    Twilight Sparkle: Your spell! Perform your spell!
    Queen Chrysalis: [evil laughing] What good would that do? My changelings already roam free.
    Shining Armor: No! [magic zaps] My power is useless now. I don't have the strength to repel them.
    Princess Cadance: My love will give you strength.
    Queen Chrysalis: [chuckling] What a lovely but absolutely ridiculous sentiment.
    [magic twinkling and surging]
    Queen Chrysalis: Nooooo!
    Changelings: [screaming]
    [After the Changelings have been driven out of Canterlot, decoy Celestia fall out of the cacoon as Twilight rushes over to help her but relized it was a decoy .]
    Princess Celestia: Don't worry about me. I'm fine. You have a real wedding to put together.
    [Twilight smiles warmly.]

## Cast

* Tara Strong as Twilight Sparkle
* Ashleigh Ball as Applejack and Rainbow Dash
* Andrea Libman as Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy
* Tabitha St. Garmain as Rarity
* Cathy Weseluck as Spike
* Nicole Oliver as Princess Celestia
* Michelle Creber as Apple Bloom
* Madeleine Peters as Scootaloo
* Claire Corlett as Sweetie Belle
* Shannon Chan-Kent as Singing Pinkie Pie
* Rebecca Shoichet as Singing Twilight Sparkle
* Kazumi Evans as Singing Rarity