# Kappa Mikey

Kappa Mikey was an American animated series created by Larry Schwarz. The series was about a teenage actor from Cleveland, Ohio who wins a scratch-off card contest and a trip to Japan to star in the country's formerly popular anime series LilyMu.

## Season 1 (2006–07)
### The Lost Pilot [1.01]

    Gonard: [in girl's voice] Please let him go!
    Gonard: [in William Shatner voice] You'll... have to... kill me first.
    Gonard: [in girl's voice] You mean like this?
    [Gonard fights himself]
    Guano: Gonard, what are you doing? You're already on the show.
    Gonard: Oh... right. [embarrassed chuckle]
    Ozu: This is terrible. All these actors stink.
    Gonard: That last guy was good.
    Ozu: That was you!
    Lily: Yeah, it's Guano's show. Fire him, not the rest of us.
    Guano: You're gonna find somebody else who can write and direct a new episode every week? Not to mention memorize all my character's lines?
    Lily: All your character says is "Guano!"
    Guano: That's what makes it a challenging role!

### The Switch [1.02]

    [After a TV fight with Lily]
    Mikey: What's her deal?
    Mitsuki: You should really be more careful, Mikey.
    [Mikey grieves]
    [Mikey calls from his home, and his parents answer the phone]
    Ms. Simon: Hi, you've reached the Simon residence. If your message is for Ms. Simon, press 1.
    Mr. Simon: And if it's for me, Mr. Simon, press 2.
    Ms. Simon: And if you're our only child in Japan and you're calling 'cause you're all alone in a big empty room and you miss the comforting sound of another human voice, stay on the line as we read from a list of words chosen at random from the dictionary.
    Mr. Simon: "Vernacular."
    Ms. Simon: "Flibbertigibbet."
    Mr. Simon: "Mortgage."
    Ms. Simon: "Pedal."
    Mr. Simon: "Disenfranchise."
    [Mikey hangs up]
    Lily: Ozu, Mikey is like the messiest, most inconsiderate human being ever!
    Yes-Man: He is a star that shines too bright!
    Mikey: She's the inconsiderate one. She's always nagging me like "Mike-ay, don't eat meals in the shower," "Mikey, don't feed the plants people food."
    Lily: He's the worst roommate!
    Mikey: She's the worst roommate!
    Mitsuki: I just keep that diary as a joke.

### Mikey Impossible [1.03]

    Guano: You didn't destroy Ozu's bonsai tree with a samurai sword, did you?
    Mikey: Uhhh... kinda.
    Mitsuki: Mikey, Ozu's gonna kill you!
    Gonard: He'll send you back to America!
    Guano: He'll cancel the show!
    Mikey: I'll never walk on the moon!
    [Mitsuki, Gonard, and Guano all give confused looks to Mikey]
    Mikey: What? It's been on my mind.
    Lily: Stupid boss awards! Stupid party! Stupid Mikey with his stupid bonsai tree and his stupid diagram of Ozu's apartment! [pauses] Mikey! He's trying to switch Ozu's bonsai tree! When I tell Ozu, Mikey's finished! [laughs evilly]

### Ship of Fools [1.04]

    Mikey: When I will get the game I will be like [does game stuff , and then suddenly he bumps into a fake Mikey]
    Mikey: Sorry 'bout that!
    Fake Mikey: No worries, my man.
    [each Mikey walks away and look to each other, and the fake Mikey goes to Mitsuki, Lily and Guano]
    Mitsuki: There you are Mikey!
    Fake Mikey: Oh? Oh yeah Here I am! Mikey Simon.
    Lily: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
    Fake Mikey: Because your beauty is blinding. [Lily likes what he said, and Mitsuki gets a bit angry]
    Fake Mikey: Say , how bout some ice cream? I know this jord next door .. if you're interested?
    Mitsuki: You don't want the new video game?
    Fake Mikey: Video games are for kids!
    [Lily and Mitsuki are shocked]
    Fake Mikey: Now who want ice creams shaped in clowns?
    Guano: I do! [raises hand]
    Fake Mikey: Not this time pal. And shine your shoes kid, you look like a mess. [walks away]
    Guano: I .. don't even have shoes'

### Saving Face [1.05]

    Guano: Who could leave such horrible rumors in the paper?
    Gonard: Who indeed
    Guano: Mitsuki was with Lily the whole time
    Gonard: Indeed.
    Guano: Yes Man and Ozu never left the studio.
    Gonard: Indeed.
    Guano: And I was teaching you to speak with a british accent
    Gonard: [In a british accent] Rather.
    Guano: That leaves only 1 person...
    [drum roll]
    Gonard: Gonard.
    Guano: What?! You did it?
    Gonard: No.
    Lily: Be honest, Mitsuki. Did I lose my endorsement to Socky because I'm not beautiful anymore?
    Mitsuki: That's crazy! You look great! Doesn't she, Mirror?
    Mirror: Looking great, Gonard.

### The Fugi-Kid [1.06]

    Prosecutor: Ozu, do you think Mikey stole the coat?
    Ozu: If Mikey says he didn't take the coat, I believe him.
    Prosecutor: But didn't Mikey destroy your precious 500 year old bonsai tree, then lie about it?
    Ozu: Yes! [voice building with anger]
    Prosecutor: And did he buy a pirated video game when you told him not to?
    Ozu: Yes! [saying very angrily]
    Prosecutor: And didn't he reveal Lilymu's secrets to the press?
    Ozu: Yes! [saying with fury as he catches on fire]
    Mikey: That was a good one.
    Prosecutor: Let the records show that Ozu is surrounded by flame.
    [Yes Man douses Ozu with an extinguisher]
    [it has been proven that Mikey was framed, but the police finds him in Lilymu Towers. The gang are all in Gonard's apartment
    Gonard: Friends stick together. [outside to the police] Mikey's with us! If you arrest him, you have to arrest all of us!
    Detective: Fine. You're all under arrest.
    [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guano slap their foreheads in disbelief]
    Gonard: You'll have to come and get us!
    Detective: Fine. We'll come and get you.
    [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
    Gonard: Take the elevator! From my experience, it's faster!
    Detective: Fine. We'll take the elevator.
    [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]

### Mikey Likes It [1.07]

    Guano: [referring to Lily] What makes you think she would choose you?
    Gonard: [talking while eating spaghetti] Because I am a gentleman!
    Man: Excuse me, that's mine.
    Gonard: And it is delicious!
    Gonard: I think I broke one of my livers.
    Lily: You only have one liver.
    Gonard: How many do I need to live?
    Lily: One.
    Gonard: I'm in trouble.

### Easy Come, Easy Gonard [1.08]

    Guano: Hey, LilyMu dolls! [picks up Mitsuki doll and starts mimicking her voice] Oh, Guano! You're such a talented writer! Have you been working out? [picks up Ozu doll and starts imitating him] I am sorry for what I said, Guano. You are a good actor! And a great director! And very tall! [picks up his own doll and starts speaking on his own voice] It's too late for sorries, Ozu! GUANO SMASH! [starts hitting dolls against each other until he starts crying] Guano smash...
    Mitsuki: Ooh! Let's go to the Tatami megastore. They've got everything!
    Gonard: Yeah! That's where I bought my virtual reality machine. [places toaster on head, covering his eyes]
    Mikey: Awesome!
    Guano: It's just a toaster he found in the street.
    Gonard: It's like I'm... on a roller coaster! Woo hoo! [runs hard into a wall] Oof!

### Lily Meow [1.09]

    Mikey: I can't believe we were fired from the show.
    Gonard: [Holding a prop and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu Blaster, I guess I'll never shoot you again. [Holding his costume pants and tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu pants, I guess I'll never look awesome in you again. [Holding his pants and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye normal pants. In retrospect, there was nothing wrong with you.
    Gonard: So the cat's cute? It's not like it's got anything else going for it.
    Reporter on TV: Here is Kello taking the Silver Medal in Olympic Downhill Skiing!
    Mikey: Why did I lend him those skis?
    Guano: You just need time to adjust. On Lily's first day, she tripped over a camera. Then on Gonard's first day, he mistakenly ate a box full of light-bulbs.
    Gonard: You mean, glass apples.
    [Kello the Kitten gets on the camera]
    Guano: What's that on the camera?
    Gonard: A UFO?
    Lily: That's not a UFO.
    [Gonard holds a sub sandwich]
    Gonard: Lily, I think I know a UFO when I see one. Hey! Who's been eating my UFO?
    Cat Burglar: You know the expression, 'There's only one way to skin a cat'? Actually, there's only one way, with this. [pulls out a bizarre looking machine with a hook, knife, sickel, and another blade all spinning simultaneously]

### Splashomon [1.10]

    Mitsuki: [in southern accent, wearing bonnet] Gonard you have to eat that lobster!
    Gonard: [in southern accent, wearing a cowboy hat] I reckon I do!
    Reginald: It is I, Sir Reginald, the handsomest man in the world, come to present you with this overly large diamond. [holds up diamond]
    Lily: Oh Reginald!
    Tapias: [Jumps onto balcony holding diamond identical to Reginald's] Lily?
    Lily: Tapias I never doubted you for a second.
    Tapias: Then I shall fight you for Lily!
    Reginald: Have at you!
    Mikey: Anyway, After the game I picked up Gonard. We ran into a little trouble on the way to Ozu's but it was nothing we couldn't handle.
    Mikey: [In flashback] Those Aliens have been tailing us since Montoya Blvd.
    Gonard: [In flashback] I'm on it! [Fires laser]
    Mikey: [In flashback] Wooooo ha ha ha!
    [end of flashback]
    Gonard: [Hand on heart] True Story.

### The Good, the Bad, and the Mikey [1.11]

    Mikey: W'ever
    Guano: Mikey, you have to do what the script says!
    Mikey: Script is just a prison, made of words.
    Ozu: You must go back to being the old Mikey and be a good example for kids.
    Mikey: W'ever.
    Ozu: You have to do what I say! I'm your boss!
    Mikey: Boss is just a prison, made of skin.
    Ozu: That dosen't make any sense!
    Mikey: Well, not to a fossil like you.
    Guano: [standing on top of the bus] For the last time, I'm not filled with candy!
    Girl: Prove it!
    [Guano screams and lands on Gonard's hands and Mikey and Gonard start running]
    Gonard: The candy is mine! Fine, you can have some too.
    Guano: Mikey! Stop! Ozu's gonna be furious!
    Mikey: Then I got news for Ozu, w'ever!
    Ozu: You started a riot!?
    Mikey: Ah, no!
    [A chair flies in through a window]
    Crowd: Riot! Riot! Riot!
    Yes Man: For the greater good!
    Kid 1: He supports the greater good!
    Kid 2: Get him!
    Mikey: [looking at a statue of Ozu] Look at him, all smug and bronze like the real Ozu.
    Mikey: A boss is just a prison made of skin.
    Ozu: That doesn't make sense!

### Sumo of All Fears [1.12]

    Lily: And in this corner... Two guys wearing masks! [sumos cheer] And a short, smelly guy wearing a mask!
    Guano: OH, COME ON!!
    Mikey: Hey guys! We need to fight some sumos.
    Lily, Mitsuki, and Gonard: US?
    Mikey: I can't fight by myself! Come on!
    Gonard: [In a British accent] Very well! Lily, fetch my sword and a team of horses. Mitsuki, carry me into battle! [both girls give him angry looks] Just kidding.
    Mikey: I don't feel like I'm getting stronger.
    Janitor: Ah, but Mikey, you are getting stronger! In fact, you are my best student I ever taught.
    Guano: What about me?
    Janitor: Ah, yes, you are my worst.

### Lost in Transportation [1.13]

    Beef: You ain't goin' nowhere.
    [an alarm sounds]
    Gang member: Grammar police! You aren't going anywhere.
    Beef: Man, the Grammar Police is always doggin' me...
    Ozu: [to Lily] Have you talked to Mitsuki? Did she find Mikey?
    Lily: Not yet, but Gonard says he has a back up plan.
    Gonard: [to the children] Maybe one day, you'll all be superheroes when you grow up. Isn't that right, Mikey?
    [A cat is dressed as Kappa Mikey and starts attacking Gonard]
    Gonard: [talking on cell phone] Mikey, you gotta get here. They're gonna put out the cake soon, and I think I ate the box with all the candles in it.
    Beef: We're all outcasts, kid. That's what makes us Chums. That, and a small monthly membership fee.
    Beef: Mikey, I've got a special surprise for you.
    Mikey: You're gonna throw another snake down my shirt?
    Mr. Stereo: This is wonderful! Thank you, Ozu! Only a true friend would save my son's birthday with a gang of dangerous bikers!
    Lily: Hey, kids!
    [The children cheer]
    Timmy: Lily, do your move!
    [Lily giggles and performs a karate kick]
    Lily: Hi-ya!
    [Timmy becomes enraged]
    Timmy: NO! DO THE MOVE WHERE YOU INTRODUCE MIKEY!

### Big Trouble in Little Tokyo [1.14]

    [Mega Gonard rampages around Tokyo]
    Random Man: Oh no! The Fireworks factory!
    [Gonard steps on factory, fireworks shoot up into the sky]
    Random Man: Not the wolf factory!
    [Gonard steps on factory, barking wolves run out of the factory]
    Guano: Mikey, for once just listen to me. Let's Go!
    Mikey: Not till I touch Gonard with the Death Hand!
    Gonard: Yeah! I wanna know the slumber of lost souls.
    Hideous Blue Blob: Do not go in there.
    Mikey: You heard the monster. Let's check it out.
    Guano: Does this mean you're gonna let me go?
    Dr. Igor: Ha! Of course not. But, I'll try to make this as pleasant as possible. Set the laser to maximum pain!
    Dr. Igor: Citizens of Tokyo! For too long, you have ignored Dr. Igor! For too long have you denied me the respect I deserve! Now it's- It's-
    Guano: Payback time?
    Dr. Igor: Yes! It's payback time! Unless you give me everything I want, I will use my Size-Mo-Lazer and Guano's Power Crystal to make myself incredibly small!
    Guano: Ahem. Sorry to interrupt, but maybe you should make yourself bigger instead of smaller?
    Dr. Igor: Hmmm... bigger. Good idea. I shall make myself enormous and then I'll- I'll...
    Guano: Destroy all of Tokyo.
    Dr. Igor: Destroy all of Tokyo!
    Mitsuki: Gonard hit both four and nine and if you add them together you get-
    Gonard: The letter M!
    Lily: Nobody panic.
    Gonard: Help! I'm too beautiful to swim!
    Ozu: For you.
    Yes Man: A sandwich? This is the nicest thing you ever gave me!
    [Ozu's phone rings]
    Ozu: Hello?
    Lily: Ozu! We're stuck in an elevator and we gotta rescue Guano!
    Ozu: Not now! I just gave Yes Man a sandwich full of painful spicy Wasabi.
    Yes Man: [takes a bite of the sandwich] Why would you do this?!
    Ozu: It's a blooper!
    Yes Man: But there's no camera!
    Dr. Igor: All the classic movie monsters were my inventions! Mega-Rat! Mega-Snake! Mega-Mom!
    Mikey: Yeu made all these?!
    Dr. Igor: Forbes helped out.
    Forbes: I designed the monster's butts.
    Gonard: Look! It's the moths from the movie, "Attack of the Mega-Moths."
    Mitsuki: And his death ray from "Mega Night of the Death Ray"!
    Mikey: Sweet! Dracula's retainer and the long lost ending to "Mega-zilla 7: Birth of Mega-zilla!"
    Guano: Movie time's over.
    Mikey: Come on! The three-headed Mega-Dragon's gonna fight a Mega-Turtle with four butts!
    Ozu: New, from LilyMu! It's the "LilyMu: Super Bloopers" DVD! On sale for only five thousand yen!
    Yes Man: Bargain of the century!

### The Phantom of the Soundstage [1.15]

    [Lily and the Phantom of the sound stage planning to prank Mikey]
    Phantom: Then, I will teach him a lesson he'll not forget.
    Lily and Phantom: [Evil laugh]
    Phantom: That's a pretty good evil laugh, you've got.
    Lily: It comes from the heart.
    Phantom: Legend has it, the stage is haunted by a hideous creature.
    Mikey: Guano! [buzzer sound effect]
    Phantom: No, a hideous creature that lurks in the shadows.
    Mikey: Mitsuki? [buzzer sound effect]
    Phantom: [to the tune of the title song from The Phantom of the Opera] I must do to young Mikey / What that prankster did to me.

### Battle of the Bands [1.16]

    Mikey: That's ridiculous! Yoshi will say anything if you tickle him! [Tickles Yoshi]
    Yoshi: [Laughing] Stop! Stop! I brush my teeth with dogs!
    Mikey: A cell phone! We can cheat after all!
    [Gonard, Guano and Lily cheer]
    Mitsuki: Wait! What happened to being honest with our fans?! You said we'd do the right thing!
    Mikey: And we will, as soon as we cheat our way to victory!
    Gonard, Guano and Lily: Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
    Ori: Well, what do we have here?
    Yori: Looks like a couple actor types thought they'd pick up some guitars and call themselves a band.
    Mikey: Yep, that's pretty much it.
    Guano: Gonard, did you leave this on the audio board?
    Gonard: That's preposterous! I've never seen that sandwich before in my life!
    Guano: You autographed it! [sandwich reads 'Eat you later -Gonard']
    Gonard: That could be any Gonard! [eats sandwich out of Guano's hand in one bite]
    Mikey: We'll figure it out. We're rock stars.
    Mitsuki: Rock stars who steal their music from a cell phone?!
    Mikey: Is there any other kind?
    Guano: For now, let's just worry about covering our butts.
    Gonard: One step ahead of you. (has a sheep on his butt)
    Mikey: Everyone. I have a confession to make.
    Reporter: He's a vampire! It all adds up!
    Yori: Something's not right about you guys.
    Ori: Yeah. You hold your instruments funny.
    Yori: All your songs are 15 seconds long!

### La Cage Aux Mikey [1.17]

    Lily: Well, if you really are Mikey's parents, then you must know a lot about him.
    Guano: When's Mikey's birthday?
    Gonard: What's Mikey's name?
    [mimical gestures while an accordion plays in the background]
    Gonard: [angrily] You made me learn how to cook delicious foods!? Do you know how useless that is to me!?
    Gonard: To eat is a necessity; but to eat intelligently is an art.
    Beef: That's beautiful, Gonard.
    Gonard: A guy wrote it on my hand at the bus station. (holds up hand)
    Mikey: You guys remember that reporter that was here?
    Gonard: Sure, about yea high, face made of glass, always standing next to the fax machine.
    Lily: You're thinking of the photocopier.
    Gonard: That wasn't a reporter? Then why would he want a picture of my butt?

### Reality Bites [1.18]

    Gonard: Hey, Keep it down! I'm trying to watch TV.
    [Gonard, watching TV, sees himself on reality show]
    Gonard: Oh, man, this guys got moves!
    Mikey: Gonard, that's you!
    Gonard: Shyeah, I wish.
    Lily: [on TV] Yeah, Girls cooking for her friends.
    Lily: Ugh! That was my voice sounds like?
    Guano: [on TV] I'm with you, Mikey.
    Guano: That’s what I looks like?
    Mitsuki: This is terrible! I look like a wet blanket.
    Gonard: I look like a sandwich loving buffoon.
    Mikey: I look like I'm not wearing any clothes!
    [On TV, Mikey opens the fridge and farts]
    All: O.M.G!!!!! [running away to the stage] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Yes Man: Security breach!
    Gonard: [holding the novel 'War and Peace'] No food for me; I'm too busy feeding my brain with book knowledge. [takes bite out of book and with mouth full] Mmm, verbs... mmm. Pass the syrup.
    Guano: I don't know, guys, you know what they say, 'Too many cooks spoil the broth.'
    Mikey: No. What they say is, 'Too many cooks write the best books.'
    Gonard: [excitedly paging through a photo album] Here's me fighting 'gators in the Amazon. Oh, and and here's me playing ping-pong on the moon. Oh, and here's me inventing penicillin at the prom.
    Mikey: Those are just all pictures of you with sandwiches.
    Gonard: Jealous?
    Ozu: [angrily] What am I supposed to put on the air now?!
    Yes Man: The Yes Man Variety Hour!
    Gonard: If you want this butt camera back send 1000 unmarked cookies to my mouth by 3 o'clock tomorrow.

### A Christmas Mikey [1.19]

    Mikey: Gonard! You're not evil!
    Gonard: Thanks, I've been using a new deoderant.
    Ozu: Eat the stocking... EAT IT! [shoves christmas stocking in Yes-man's mouth]
    Gonard: You're good, Kappa Mikey. Real good.
    Mikey: The best.
    Guano: Cut? [excited] Cut! That's a wrap, people!
    [crew cheers]
    Mitsuki: Mikey, that was amazing.
    Lily: Yeah, for once you didn't destroy the whole set.
    Mikey: Ain't no thing but a sumo ring. [tips over a camera and chaos quickly ensues] Sorry.
    Guano: You know what, who cares? We're done for the season!

### With Fans Like These [1.20]

    Gonard: [Talking to sandwich] No mayo I said, but you wouldn't listen. [jams sandwich into paper shredder, machine overloads as sparks and smoke fly out]
    Gonard: Sorry I'm late, I had to get beat up by some nerds. Ready?
    Lily: Yeah, remember you're good cop I'm bad cop.
    Gonard: Got it.
    [Scene pans to Guano tied up in a chair]
    Gonard: So Guano, how'd you like a punch in the gut?
    Lily: [through clenched teeth] Gonard! Good cop.
    Gonard: I mean, how would you like a kiss...in the gut? [Gonard thumbs up sign to Lily]
    [Gonard dunks his head in a fish tank, comes up with a fish in his mouth, swallows fish]
    Lily: Gonard!
    Gonard: I just open my mouth, if a fish swims in that's his decision.
    Mitsuki: You shouldn't mess with people who confuse T.V. and real life.
    Mikey: Why not? Sounds like a great idea to me.
    Mitsuki: Remember when we watched that nature show and Gonard threw the T.V. out the window cause he thought it was full of spiders?
    Mikey: So?
    Mitsuki: We lost THREE T.V.s!
    Mikey: Good news, I'm nerd free!
    Mitsuki: So you were honest, my advice worked?
    Mikey: Oh yeah, about that. Sometimes true honesty means making up a crazy story about Gonard to scare away your fans.
    Gonard: And I want sandwiches! [Bangs fist against wall] The good kind...with bread on the outside.

### Big Brozu [1.21]

    Gonard: I get it now. There aren't two Ozu's. That other guy is Ozu's brother.
    Lily: [sarcastically]: Very good, Gonard.
    Gonard: Now if only someone would explain to me who THAT guy is. [points to himself in a mirror and talks to his reflection] Hello, handsome.
    Lily: This is a joke! You have no idea what you're doing.
    Mikey: You've got spark. I like that. Give yourself a raise.
    Lily: What!?
    Mikey: You're fired!
    [Lily gasps]
    Ozu: We had an agreement, Brozu. I run LilyMu, you spend our family's money on diamond teeth and ill-fitting trousers.
    Yes Man: [to Brozu] In your face!
    No Man: Oh no!
    Yes Man: Yesss! [attacks No Man]
    [Brozu sees Lily for the first time]
    Brozu: Oh Hello! Your daddy must be a doctor cause you're the sickest girl I ever saw!
    Lily: OMG
    [Gonard puts bunny ears on his butt]
    Mitsuki: Um, Gonard, those are bunny ears.
    Gonard: Oh, I thought they were butt feathers.
    Mitsuki: ???
    Lily: Until Mikey Simon is removed as producer, I'm going on strike!
    Guano: Yeah!
    Mitsuki: Me too!
    Mikey: Wait stop! I can explain.

### The Man Who Would be Mikey [1.22]

    [Mikey finds a sword stuck on the rock]
    Mikey: This should do the job.
    Old Man: Beautiful, sword eye, this called the Dragon's Spike, pops you heard the legend.
    Mikey: Of course, so this is what they use to stop Manzilla.
    Old Man: Now, the Dragon's has been a history of dark and TWISTED!
    Mikey: Oh, the Dragon's Spike, I thought you said the Dragon's Bike, anyway I'm sure no one would mind if I take her out for a little spin.
    Old Man: [laughs evily] No one will not pull it from the stone. Thousands of tribe it all it fails, the grass, the blade is to...
    Mikey: [pulls the blade out] See ya later. [leaves]
    Old Man: Spike? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

### Uh Oh Guano [1.23]

    Gonard: Mikey, to make someone less popular all you have to do is steal their belt.
    [Yoshi walks by, his pants fall down]
    Yoshi: My trousers!
    Gonard: [chuckling and holding up Yoshi's belt] That'll teach him to look at my doughnut.
    Mikey: Maybe I'll even be on Star Talk. The show where stars talk.
    Lily: The only show you'll be on is America's Next Top Weirdo.
    Mikey: Don't get my hopes up.
    [talking about Butts, the currency of Buttstonia]
    Gonard: Look, look at the pretty Butts.
    Mitsuki: That's... okay.
    Gonard: Touch them, touch my Butts! Touch my stinkin' Butts!
    Sergie: I have earned my fortune. It is American dream.
    Lily: This is Japan!
    Sergie: It is Japanese dream then.

### Like Ozu, Like Son [1.24]

    Mitsuki: What's the matter, Mikey?
    Lily: Another restaurant ban you for picking your nose with chopsticks?
    [Gonard picks up greeting card Mikey dropped]
    Gonard: [reading card] Happy Birthday to the world's greatest son. MOG! It's my birthday!?
    Gonard: I know how to turn that frown upside down. [Gonard starts doing a stand up comedy routine] How 'bout that Ozu folks? I mean he's so old, I told him to act his age and he died! And his shoes, hiyo!
    Lily: There's no way you two taught that bird to fly.
    Guano: What are you even doing here?
    Lily: [chuckles] Mocking you.
    Gonard: Don't listen to 'em Reggie, you'll show 'em. You'll show 'em all! [serious tone] especially Mitsuki.
    Mitsuki: What!?
    [Talking about the shark]
    Mikey: It didn't hurt anyone expect us and Yes Man and the shark that ate Yes Man.
    [Scene switches to Yes Man inside the shark]
    Yes Man: It's cozy in here!

### La Femme Mitsuki [1.25]

    [Mikey trying to get someone to go to a movie with him]
    Mikey: Doesn't anyone here want to go with me?
    Dr. Igor: I won't go with you, but maybe I'll see you there. [Mikey and Mitsuki looking puzzled] I work part-time as an usher.
    Mikey: Now we've got copies of all your files and all your poems. [clearing throat] 'The lonely man in the mailbox' by Agent F.
    Agent F: Stop! That's private!
    Mikey: Okay Mitsuki, I want answers. Who was that guy? Where'd you learn those moves? What did you get me for my birthday? Answer in any order you like.
    Gonard: But what if space is time and what if time is space? And what if space is space?... Are you gonna finish that sandwich?

### The Oni Express [1.26]

    Ozu: Yes Man, where have you been?
    Yes Man: A magic orb stole my soul!
    Ozu: Again?
    Mitsuki: This Oni mask is our most precious artifact, it's over 6,000 years old.
    Gonard: It has a very special purpose.
    [Lily pulls down on one of the mask's horns, a drink dispenses from the mask's nostrils]
    Mikey: Woah!
    Mikey: I'm so pathetic. What kind of man can't even overpower a whale with his bare hands?

## Season 2 (2007–08)
### The Masked Tanuki [2.10]

    Mitsuki: There's only one man lonely enough to have that many cats.
    Lily: Yes Man?
    Mitsuki: No. Well, yes, but I was thinking the Cat Burglar.

### Night of the Werepuff [2.15]

    Lily: Here we are. I'm betting anything Mikey's inside.
    Mitsuki: But there are thousands of clothing stores in Tokyo. What makes you think he's in this one?
    Lily: Just a hunch. Plus there are hundreds of people running out screaming.
    [sees crowd running out and screaming from the front door]
    Mitsuki: Oh.
    Mitsuki: Lily, quit it! We need to fix Mikey by midnight, or he'll be like this forever!
    Lily: Works for me.
    Lily: You know, I guess I always felt there was something keeping us apart. Now I know that something was Mikey's voice, face, body and texture. But that's all changed now.
    Guano: All my life, the tall furry guys always get everything, and the short furry guys just get kicked around. Well, I'm sick of it. Have I not fur? Do I not shed? I'm onto you, werepuffs. One day you'll slip up. And I'll be waiting!
    Mitsuki: (tearing up) I'm just so glad for them. Seeing those two together is like a dream come true. (blows nose) If I could tell those lovers one thing, it'd probably be... (cries)
    [Werepuff kidnaps Lily]
    Guano: What was that?
    Gonard: Oh yeah. In a part, he mentioned that he really dug on Lily.
    Mitsuki: Oh. They always go for the blonde.

### Live LilyMu [2.23]

    [Mikey puts farting powder on Gonard's ice cream, pretending it is sprinkles]
    Mitsuki: Ooooh! Mint chip, my favorite!
    Mikey: Actually, this is really for Gonard.
    Mitsuki: One bite couldn't hurt.
    Mikey: Come on Mitsuki. Do you really need the carbs?
    Mitsuki: I'll take my chances. [tastes the ice cream] Mmmmm!
    Speakerphone: Places everyone. Broadcasting is in less than one minute.
    Mikey: Uh oh.
    [Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
    Lily: He's going to use Guano's crystal to power the super missile.
    Mikey: Not if I can help it. [talk to Mitsuki] Mitsuki, Aim the blaster!
    Mitsuki: Nuh-uh.
    [Lily shocked]
    Lily: Guys! [angrily] Guano's in trouble.
    Mikey: Lily, quick. Ask Mitsuki to aim the blaster.
    Lily: Oh brother. [Ask to Mitsuki] Mitsuki, Aim your blaster!
    Mitsuki: [talk to Lily] Lily, Tell Mikey I'll aim my blaster just as soon as he stop being such a MEGA JERK.
    [Cut to audience jeering]
    Jomar: That was TERRIBLE!
    Claude Von Fabio: I can't even look.
    [The squid covers the eyes; Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
    Lily: [chuckles; talk to Mikey] Mikey, Stop being such a “mega jerk” and Mitsuki will aim the blaster.
    [Cut to audience jeering again]
    Dadzuki: You called that ‘acting’?
    [Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
    Mikey: Lily, Tell Mitsuki that's who she gonna be, I don’t even want her to AIM the blaster!
    [Lily facepalm]
    Mitsuki: Tell Mikey, FINE!
    Mikey: Tell Mitsuki, see if i can.
    [Cut to Yes Man and Guano in Gonard's truck]
    Yes Man: Stop fighting! You're makes Yes Man's...[sadly] sad.
    Guano: [angrily] Guano! Guano!
    [Cut to Mikey, Mitsuki, and Lily on the LilyMu airship]
    Lily: [angrily] Yeah, guys. CUT IT OUT!
    Mikey: Nuh-uh.
    Mitsuki: Nope.
    Lily: Then I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!
    [Lily leaves the stage in the studio]

### Mitsuki Butterfly [2.24]

    Mikey: Mitsuki, help!
    Dadzuki: I'm coming Mikey!
    Mikey: Wow, [Dadzuki lifts him up] you're hands are strong and hairy. Thanks, Mitsuki, you're a lifesaver.
    Dadzuki: Not so fast! You see, I'm not Mitsuki at all.
    Mikey: Huh?
    Gonard, Lily, and Guano: Huh?
    Dadzuki: Yes, it is I Dadzuki, the father of Mitsuki.
    [Mikey, Gonard, Guano, and Lily gasps]

### The Wizard of Ozu [2.26]

    Lily: It's finished, Mikey. Forked over.
    Ozu: Sorry. The shoes must go.
    Mikey: G-G-G-Guano, Gonard, Mitsuki! Y-Y-You got my back, right?
    Guano: What gonna I do, Mikey? [whispers] Ozu waits is watching.
    Mikey: WHAT?? Guano, you're just...a coward! [Guano feels sad] And Gonard, you got...cold cuts for brains!
    Gonard: [happily] Why thank you.
    Mikey: And YOU!...Whatever your name is. Thanks for nothing! [Mitsuki crying]
    Ozu: Mikey, you're overreacting.
    Yes Man: How do you know, bomb-brain?
    Mikey: I showed you overreacting. I quitting the show and leaving you guys FOREVER! [All gasps] Who need a bunch of cloth friends gets parade all sneakers? [Mikey leaving apartment]
    Mitsuki: But Mikey. The storm!
    [last lines]
    Mikey: There's no place like home! Right, Gonard?

## Cast

* Michael Sinterniklaas as Mikey Simon
* Sean Schemmel as Gonard
* Gary Mack as Guano
* Kether Donohue as Lily
* Carrie Keranen as Mitsuki
* Stephen Moverly as Ozu
* Jesse Adams as Yes Man