# Home Alone

Home Alone is a American Christmas comedy in 1990 film about a boy named Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), who is left at home for an accident while the rest of his family goes to Paris. He must then protect his house from two intruders that have gone on a breaking and entering spree through the neighborhood.
    Directed by Chris Columbus. Written by John Hughes.

## Rated

PG - ( music playing, revolved, involved, survival, evolved, immediate, innovative, aquel, liquid, the churchill catholic clock chiming tower bell rings at once and music song ends )

## Clock

( clock chimes ) - $9:00$ p.m.

## Kate McCallister

* Yeah. Hi, look. I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. Our phones there are out of order.

## Kevin McCallister

* I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. [applies aftershave; pretends to scream]
* This is my house! I have to defend it!
* I made my family disappear.
* I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!
* Did anyone order me plain cheese?
* You guys give up? Or ya thirsty for more?
* Hello. My house is being robbed. My address is $656$ Lincoln Boulevard. My name's Murphy.

## Operator

$911$ Emergency.

## Dialogue

    Kate: There are 15 people in this house. You're the only one who has to make trouble.
    Kevin: I'm the only one getting dumped on.
    Kate: You're the only one actin' up. Now, get upstairs.
    Kevin: I am upstairs, dummy. The third floor?
    Kate: Go.
    Kevin: It's scary up there.
    Kate: Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.
    Kevin: I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it!
    Kate: Fine. We'll put him somewhere else.
    Kevin: I'm sorry.
    Kate: It's too late. Get upstairs.
    Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me.
    Kate: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
    Kevin: I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
    Kate: Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.
    Kevin: I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't wanna see anybody else, either.
    Kate: [hurt] I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
    Kevin: No, I wouldn't.
    Kate: Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
    Kevin: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again! [runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door. In his room, Kevin lies in his bed and thinks for a moment.] (in his head) I wish they would all just disappear…
    [tree branch breaks, power lines and alarm clock resetting]
    Kevin: I made my family disappear! [has a flashback to what his family told him the night before]
    Megan: Kevin, you're completely helpless.
    Linnie: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompétents.
    Buzz: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
    Jeff: Kevin, you are such a disease!
    Kate: There are 15 people in this house, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
    Frank: Look what you did, you little jerk!
    Kevin: [smiles] I made my family disappear.
    [the McCallisters hurriedly head out of the house for the vans to the airport]
    Frank: There's no way on Earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.
    Peter: Think positive, Frank.
    Frank: You be positive. I'll be realistic.
    Kate: Heather, did you count heads?
    Heather: 11 including me, 5 boys, 6 girls, 4 parents, 2 drivers and a partridge in a pear tree.
    [Kevin puts in a VHS tape for "Angels With Filthy Souls"; later during one particular scene, a stranger knocks on Johnny's office door.]
    Johnny: Who is it?
    Snakes: [walks in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
    Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep, and get the hell outta here.
    Snakes: All right, Johnny. But what about my money?
    Johnny: What money?
    Snakes: Acey said you had some dough for me.
    Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
    Snakes: Acey said 10%.
    Johnny: Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
    Snakes: What do you mean?
    Johnny: He's upstairs, takin' a bath.
    Kevin: [calling out] Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!
    Johnny: He'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. [takes out his Tommy Gun] I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off of my property, before I pump your guts full of lead.
    Snakes: [about to leave] All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
    Johnny: 1, 2, 10!
    [Johnny fires his gun repeatedly at Snakes and laughs maniacally; Snakes falls to the ground dead. Johnny continues shooting as Kevin covers his eyes in horror.]
    Johnny: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
    Kevin: [turns off the movie, after a pause] MOM!!
    [The Little Nero's Pizza truck pulls up and the delivery guy rings the doorbell; Kevin plays up the scene from "Angels With Filthy Souls" from earlier.]
    Johnny: Who is it?
    Delivery man: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
    Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
    Delivery man: Okay. [puts the pizza on the doorstep] Um, well, what about the money?
    Johnny: What money?
    Delivery man: Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.
    Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
    Delivery man: Uh, that'll be $11.80, sir.
    [Kevin leaves $12.00 on the doorstep]
    Johnny: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
    Delivery man: Cheapskate.
    Johnny: Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off of my property, before I pump your guts full of lead. 1, 2, 10!
    [Johnny's gunfire is heard as the delivery man flees the house in fright, get in the car and drive]
    Kevin: Bless this highly nutritious, microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.
( candlelight blows )
    Kevin: This is it. Don't get scared now.
    [Marv arrive at the back door; Kevin plays up the scene from "Angels With Filthy Souls".]
    Johnny: Get the hell outta here.
    Snakes: All right, Johnny. But what about my money?
    Johnny: What money?
    Snakes: Acey said you had some dough for me.
    Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
    Snakes: Acey said 10%.
    Johnny: Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
    Snakes: What do you mean?
    Johnny: He's upstairs, takin' a bath.
    [Kevin grab a pot from kitchen]
    Johnny: He'll call you when he gets out. [Place the pot on ground] Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. [grab a firecracker]
    Marv: Snakes?
    Johnny: I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yellow, no good keister off of my property, before I pump your guts full of lead.
    [Marv hesitate to leave]
    Snakes: All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
    [Kevin light the firecracker and put in the pot]
    Johnny: 1, 2, 10!
    [Johnny's gunfire is heard and firecracker explodes, Marv hide behind the garbage bin and flees the house in fright]
    [Kevin mouths Johnny]
    Johnny: Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
    Harry: Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there and that you're all alone.
    Marv: Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. It’s Santa Claus and his elf.
    Harry: [laughing, at the doggy door, he tried to shoot his gun] We're not gonna hurt you.
    Marv: No, no. We got some nice presents for you.
    Harry: Be a good little fella now and open the door. [Kevin gun fires at Harry, he screams] Shoot! [He mumbles]
    Marv: What? What? [Harry mumbles again] What? What? What happened?
    Harry: Get that little… [he continues mumbleing, Marv is going to the door. Kevin tried to shoot at Marv at the doggy door. Marv smiled]
    Kevin: Hello. [He's gun fires at Marv. Marv screams and he fell over, both groaning] Yes! Yes!
    Marv: The little jerk is armed!
    Harry: That's it! That's it! I'm going around the front! You go down the basement! That little… [He mumbles. Marv trying to get up and panting. Harry tries to get to the front of the door. He slips on the steps and fells over, groaning. Marv goes down the basement. He slips on the steps and slides down the steps, panting]
    Marv: Ow! [He tries to get up to the door, but he can't do it, and he falls back the steps, groans]
    Harry: [He tries to get up] That smart aleck. [He uses the stair steps, he tries to open the door, but he can't do it, and he fells to the floor again. Marv trys to get up, but he can’t use the door. Marv trys to break the door, but he can't. Marv opens the door quietly. The door creaks opened, he uses the legs with no slippery. Marv closed the door behind him. Marv looks at the basement, he try to pull his door, an iron drops Marv on the floor and gets up. He's shocked, he was trying to get up the door again] All right, boy, that's it, you little… you little son of a… Not this time, you little brat. [He uses stair by a legs again, he tried to open the door with no slippery legs, laughing] You little creep, you, where are you? Where are you, you little…? [He pulls a door, a burned hand and he screams, and trying to blow his hand, but he can't blow it either. He screams again, and puts his hand in the snow. He chuckles] Ho Ho! [He sighs, his hand reads “M”]
    Kevin: Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes!
    [Marv pants and he's covered soot panting and uses the stairs uses his legs covering soot panting, a foot got by a nail. Marv screams in pain and fells on the floor screaming]
    Harry [He's running off, mumbles] I'll rip his head off! [He mumbles again, he tries the back door, laughing] You're dead, kid. [He's trying to open the door, the fire comes from the hat, he screams. He continues screaming again and puts his head back in the snow again, sizzling, panting. Marv tries back to the basement door, he opens the door, and closes the door behind him, and slipped on the ice and landed on the floor again. He tried to get rid of the hat. He's running to the door, he opens it, smashing burn touch, and closing the door] Where are you, you little creep?
    Marv: [He tried to get upstairs and the snow is too slippery , and looks at the window] Harry! I'm coming in! [He running to the window]
    Kevin: Oh, no! I'm very scared!
    Harry: [to Kevin] It's too late for you, kid! We're already in the house! I'm gonna get you!
    Kevin: Okay. Come and get me!
    Harry: Why, you… [He starts to walk in the room and gets hit with feathers from a windy fan] Now you're dead!
    [Marv open the window, and sees the Christmas tree, he jumps and lands on the balls, and he screams in pain]
    Marv: I'm gonna kill that kid! [He tries to get up, and his foot breaks the balls, screams in pain]
    [Harry wipes the feathers off, and look at Marv]
    Harry: Marv!
    Marv: Harry?
    Harry: Why the hell'd you take your shoes off?
    Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
    Kevin: I'm up here, you morons! Come and get me! [Harry and Marv slip on a toy car and land on the floor, scremming] You guys give up? Or are thirsty for more?
    '[Marv and Harry groaning, he's trying to get up, Kevin throws a paint can]
    Harry: Heads up! [Marv gets hit by a paint can] Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you.
    Marv: Harry!!! [Harry gets knocked by a paint can, both groaning]
    Kevin: Yes!
    [Marv and Harry looking each other]
    Marv: He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him.
    Harry: Aw, shut up, will ya?! What is it?
    Marv: You're missing some teeth.
    Harry: Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth! I'll kill him! [He and Marv try to get up] I'll kill him! [He and Marv running to the stairs] You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!
    [Kevin calling a 911 officer on the phone]
    Officer 1: 911 Emergency.
    Kevin: [in Murphy's voice] Help. My house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name's Murphy. [he put him down a phone. Kevin running. Marv and Harry chasing Marv]
    Harry: Watch it. You never know what's up there. There it is! [He screams by a rope, and fell onto the floor]
    [Marv sitting up and grab Kevin by a foot]
    Marv: I got ya! I got him, Harry! Harry, I got him! [Kevin tries to get a spider, but he can't reach it] Harry, get up! Give me a hand! Ow! I got him! Harry, help me! Get up! I got him! [Kevin tried to get to grab a spider again, and put the spider on Marv's head, and he screams. Kevin goes to upstairs. He continues screaming, and put spider back on Harry's tummy. He continues screaming in panic, and tries to hit Harry. Kevin put his gun in bedroom, and trying to starting to swing to the treehouse. Meanwhile, Marv tries to kill a spider on Harry's tummy]
    Harry: What are you doing, Marv?
    Marv: Harry, don't move.
    Harry: Marv?
    Marv: Don't… move!
    Harry: Marv, what are you doing? [Marv trying to kill a spider] Marv… [Marv hit at Harry's tummy] Ah… jeez! [He mutters, and spider run away]
    Marv: Did I get him? Did I get him? Where is it? [Harry get up] Where is it?
    Harry: Never mind did you get it! How do you like it? [Harry grab an Marv's cast, and hit Marv] Huh? You jerk! Get that kid! Go on! Get the kid!
    [Kevin started swinging at trapeze swing]
    Kevin: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [He screams and landed in treehouse with a crash. Harry and Marv looking at the treehouse]
    Harry: Where'd he go?
    Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
    Kevin: [to Harry and Marv] Down here, you big horse's ass! Come and get me before I call the police!
    Marv: Let's get him! [He starts to climb to trapeze swings, Harry holds him back]
    Harry: Wait. Wait. That's just what he wants us to do… us to go back downstairs through his fun house so we get all tore up.
    Marv: He's gonna call the cops!
    Harry: He's not calling the… from a tree house? Come on. [He starts to climb and he stops]
    Marv: Out the window?
    Harry: Yeah.
    Marv: I’m not going out the window?
    Harry: Why? Are you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? Come on. Get out here. [He and Marv starting to climb the trapeze swing, but he cannot climbed] Come on. [He shuddering] Come on! Come on. Keep going. Keep going.
    Marv: Let's go back, Harry.
    Harry: Shut up! [Marv looking at the snow floor] Shut it, Marv!
    Kevin: Hey, guys, check this out.
    Harry: [He and Marv gasps] Go back! Go back! Go back! Okay. [Kevin cut the rope and he and Marv scream and swing a vine like Tarzan, and hit the building house, and landed on the floor. He's looking at them again. Kevin runs to the other house] There he goes! There he is! Get out of the way, you dope! [He trys to get up. He and Marv run to the other house]
    Marv: There he is!
    Kevin: Hey, I'm calling the cops!
    Harry: Wait, wait, wait, wait. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. [Kevin goes downstairs at the other house, but water comes from the house, and goes back upstairs, and opens the door] Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. Get over here! [Marv shuts the door and puts Kevin on the hook]
    Marv: What are we gonna do to him, Harry?!
    Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us. I'm gonna burn his head with a blowtorch.
    Marv: Then we can smash his face with an iron!
    Harry: I'd like to slap him right in the face with a paint can, maybe!
    Marv: Or shove a nail through his foot!
    Harry: The first thing I'm gonna do is bite off every one of those little fingers, one at a time. [Old Man Marley knocks them both out with a shovel]
    Old Man Marley: [to Kevin] Come on, let's get you home.
    [sirens wailing outside, police officers running to the other house and catch Harry and Marv]
    Officer 1: Get the back door.
    [Police radio chatter]
    Kevin: Wow, this is great.
    Officer 1: Nice move. Always leavin' the water running. Now we know each and every house that you've hit.
    Officer 2: Yeah, you know, we've been looking for you two guys for a long time.
    Marv: Yeah, well, remember, we're the Wet Bandits. Wet Bandits. That's W-E-T--
    Harry: Shut up! Shut up! Get in the car! [He kicks Marv into a police car]
    Officer 1: Hey, come on! Come on!
    Harry: Hands off the head, pal!
    Officer 1: Come on!
    [Police officers put Harry into the police car, shutting the door behind him. Kevin watchs a police car drive away. Kevin waves goodbye and smirks as the police car drives away with Marv and Harry]
    [last lines; Kevin is looking at Old Man Marley out the window and they both wave at each other]
    Buzz: [off-screen, shocked] KEVIN!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!
    [Kevin, startled, gasps and runs off, film ends. Credits start rolling.]

## Taglines

* A Family Comedy Without The Family.
* When Kevin's Family Left For Vacation, They Forgot One Minor Detail: Kevin. But Don't Worry... He Cooks. He Cleans. He Kicks Some Butt.
* This Non-Family Comedy is a Real Scream.

## Cast

The McCallister Family

## See also

* Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
* Home Alone 3
* Home Alone 4
* Home Alone 5

## External links

* Home Alone quotes at the Internet Movie Database