# Murder, She Wrote (season 2)

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Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996) is an American television show, airing on CBS, about mystery writer and amateur detective Jessica Fletcher.

### Widow, Weep for Me [2.1]

    Myrna Montclair LeRoy: Well, I do hope you enjoy your stay.
    Jessica: I'm sure I will, Ms. Montclair, or it will be a short one.
    Jessica: It's a pity you're so shy.
    Michael Hagarty: God cursed me with a natural gift of the gab and an unnatural interest in my fellow man.
    Michael Hagarty: Well, now, what's this I've always heard about crusty New Englanders?
    Jessica: Oh, it's just a rumor started by our forefathers to keep out the tourists.
    Michael Hagarty: I see. And if someday I should show up at your doorstep?
    Jessica: An exception might be made.
    Michael Hagarty: Well, in that case, Jessica, the question is no longer whether, but when.

### Joshua Peabody Died Here... Possibly [2.2]

    Henderson Wheatley: What kind of a jerkwater town is this?
    Jessica: A town that knows how to take care of itself, Mr. Wheatley.
    Del Scott: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] For years, I tried to nail him, to gather evidence to get him sent to prison. But every time, every time I got close, he bribed the eyewitnesses and suppliers. He bought them off. I finally realized that I couldn't fight him legally and win. I'm not proud of what I did, Mrs. Fletcher, but don't ask me to be sorry.
    FBI Agt. Fred Keller: A man must be pretty special to have people willing to stand up before an agent of the United States Department of Justice and each one willing to risk charges of perjury, obstruction of justice and harboring a fugitive. Not many men have friends like that.

### Murder in the Afternoon [2.3]

    Lt. Antonelli: Mrs. Fletcher, let me be frank. Your kind of writing is not my kind of reading.
    Jessica: Well, Lieutenant, let me be even franker. Anyone who is capable of imagining that my niece can commit murder is being grossly overpaid for taking up valuable space in this office.

### School for Scandal [2.4]

    Beryl Hayward: Jessica, I am so looking forward to hearing your commencement address.
    Jessica: Well, I'm still rewriting. Books are easy compared to speeches.
    Daphne Clover: I hear Picasso is really hot.
    Jessica: Well, his pictures may be hot, but I hear that Picasso is dead.

### Sing a Song of Murder [2.5]

    Oliver Trumbull: A bloke never gets in trouble chasing women. It's after they're caught the trouble begins.
    Emma McGill: Television can't compare with the sort of live entertainment that we provide.
    Bridget O'Hara: Well, you're right about that. But nothing goes on forever. Even ol' Queen Victoria found that out, she did.
    Oliver Trumbull: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] Emma never harmed you.
    Kitty Trumbull: But she was destroying you, Dad. Or couldn't you see it? You were so magnificent with a God-given gift that you prostituted to become a second-rate music hall comic. You couldn't break away. Every year, you got weaker and more dependent while I stood there and watched. You couldn't help yourself, Dad. But I could. Don't you see? I had to kill her for you.

### Reflections of the Mind [2.6]

    Francesca Lodge: I thought I was alone. I heard noises. I guess I overreacted.
    Jessica: That's enough to frighten anyone. Believe me, I'm an expert on the subject. In my books, of course.

### A Lady in the Lake [2.7]

    Sheriff Amos Tupper: This is going to look real good to the grand jury. The prosecution's star witness trying to prove that the accused is innocent of the crime that she saw him commit!
    Burton Hollis: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Howard's father cheated mine out of the family company. He accused him of embezzling funds. The scandal was too much, and Father died of a stroke. Then Howard's father died, and he inherited everything. He sold that company for a fortune. Half of that should have been mine! It wasn't fair!
    Jessica: And what you did to Carolyn Crane, was that fair?
    Burton Hollis: I had nothing against Carolyn. I was fond of her. But she had to die. Surely, you can understand. To inherit, I had to eliminate them both.

### Dead Heat [2.8]

    Jessica: By the way, there is one little thing that has been bothering me.
    Pat Phillips: Only one? Glad to hear it.

### Jessica Behind Bars [2.9]

    Mary Stamm: I used to always dream of being a writer.
    Jessica: It's never too late to start. Look at me. I'm living proof.
    Jessica: I particularly liked the way the gas station bandit was caught, having the getaway car shift into reverse by mistake and crash into the police car. Now, that showed a great deal of imagination.
    Tug: Not exactly. That's the way it happened.
    Jessica: If this is navarin printanier, I'm afraid both the lamb and the vegetables died of old age. I suggest you give it a decent burial.

### Sticks and Stones [2.10]

    Sheriff Harry Pierce: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Let me tell ya somethin' about Beverly. She was stupid and greedy. I did all the work. I torched the building. I found the buyers! I even greased the way for the zoning variance! She paid me all right, but what she didn't tell me was that she'd recorded our conversations. She tried to bleed me out of my cut. A lot wasn't enough for her. She wanted it all. Sorry about Elvira. I always liked her. Just as I've always liked you, Jessica.

### Murder Digs Deep [2.11]

    Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Jess, when I suggested you write a book called "Murder at the Dig", I never dreamed you'd come meandering out to a place like this.
    Jessica: Suggested? As I recall, it was more like a dare!
    Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Now that I don't recall. In any case, when you leave here, you'll have one hell of a book or one hell of a suntan. Maybe even both.
    Dr. Aubrey Benton: Archaeology is a harsh mistress, Mrs. Fletcher. I remember an expedition in the wilds of Kenya that was positively life-threatening! Weeks of incredible rain! I lost two Louis Vuitton bags.
    Jessica: You must have been devastated.
    Dr. Aubrey Benton: One endures.

### Murder by Appointment Only [2.12]

    Jessica: I'm looking for Grady Fletcher.
    Glenda Vandevere: Sorry, I've never heard of him.
    Jessica: But he works for the Lila Lee Company.
    Glenda Vandevere: God help him.
    Jessica: Are you so sure it's a robbery? Or did the killer just want it to look that way?
    Lieutenant Varick: Maybe it was a robbery because it looked that way. This is New York, Mrs. Fletcher. This kind of self-employment is a way of life for some people.
    Norman Amberson: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] Why would I have done that?
    Jessica: Was it perhaps triggered by that bill from Vinton's that your secretary insisted on calling your attention to? That was when you learned Elizabeth had purchased an item of clothing for another man. You must've guessed who that other man was. Someone Liz had promised never to see again.
    Norman Amberson: Roger Adiano. He's an actor. Not very good. Certainly not successful. Just a boy. Liz was out. I used my key. I thought I was just gonna wait for her, but that wasn't it. That was a lie. I wanted to look around in her things, even though I was afraid of what I was going to find. It wasn't much, just trifles she had forgotten to throw out. The program from an off-off-Broadway play. I remember now. It was on the floor near the overturned coffee table. I didn't bother to destroy it. It was meaningless to anybody but me.
    Jessica: To you it meant Elizabeth had broken a promise. She'd gone to see Roger Adiano in a play and had probably bought him a gift.
    Norman Amberson: I could see them in my mind. Just a flash. Then all the pictures came back of her with all the other men. It snapped, turned right around. I hated her. I hated the woman I loved. Classic. I wanted to destroy her, blot her face out of my memory. I was looking around for something to use on the portrait. I couldn't find my pocket knife. I found the lipstick in my pocket. And when she came in and found me, I could see from the terror in her eyes that ... She ran for the bedroom, and I grabbed the scarf around her neck. I wasn't really aware of what I was doing. Then she was dead, and I panicked.
    Jessica: And you vandalized the apartment to make it look like she had been killed by an intruder.
    Norman Amberson: Survival. Self-preservation. Oldest instinct. Oh, God, I loved her.

### Trial by Error [2.13]

    Prosecutor Tom Casselli: Mr. Harris, do you recognize anyone in the courtroom?
    Fenton Harris: In my business, it's good practice never to recognize the customers.

### Keep the Home Fries Burning [2.14]

    Jessica: [after running into a former Dixon's Diner employee] I didn't know you'd left Dixon's Diner.
    Cornelia Montique: All my customers started coming here, so I thought I might as well join them.
    Dr. Seth Hazlitt: At least, in the diner, you didn't have to dress up as Betsy Ross.
    Jessica: Doctors who make their rounds in hip boots hardly qualify as fashion experts.
    Harrison Fraser III: Suppose we cut to the bottom line. It's my word against his. I have a great deal of influence in this part of New England.
    Jessica: I'm sure you do, but connections won't help you to evade a simple answer to a simple question.
    Wilhelmina Fraser: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] When Betty suggested this trip, I did my homework. At least, I thought I did. I was so sure it would look like botulism. I didn't mean to make anyone else sick. I only wanted to get Harrison back.

### Powder Keg [2.15]

    Phil Bonner: Are you an expert in killing, missus?
    Jessica: No, but I think I know something about people.
    Frank Kelso: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] About a couple of days after New Year's, soon as I come home, I knew Jolene been with another man. I got mad. She just laughed at me. I grabbed hold of something, a brass bookend, I think, swung at her. Next thing I know, she was laying on the ground there, eyes wide open, staring up at me. Then I realized he was there. The bedroom door. Ed Bonner. Seen it all. It was Ed's idea. Cart Jolene off, bury her in the woods, me say she was off visiting her mama. All the time, he was telling people behind my back that she'd run off with another man.
    Jessica: Is that when the blackmail started?
    Frank Kelso: Just a few dollars at first. You know, just, then more and more. He loved to see me sweat. Last night, he come back here after I closed, looking for his cigarette lighter and money. Whole lot of money. I couldn't pay him no more. I took out my gun, and I shot him. Wasn't like it was with Jolene. This time, I didn't feel nothing. Just like killing a wild dog.

### Murder in the Electric Cathedral [2.16]

    Carrie McKittrick: At my age, thirty years seem like last month. It's last month I have trouble remembering.
    Rev. Willie John Fargo: Ms. Jessica, surely you cannot believe I had anything to do with that dear woman's death?
    Jessica: At the moment, I don't quite know what to believe.
    District Attorney Fred Whittaker: Are you a doctor or something?
    Jessica: Writing murder mysteries almost qualifies me, believe me.
    Earl Fargo: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] Did you do it for Willie John?
    Sister Ruth Fargo: For Willie John? No. I did it to Willie John. Or I tried to. I had to be free of him, but that meant destroying him totally. I tried to tell you, Mark. I couldn't. As much as I know you love me, you could've never understood. Willie John was crushing me, Mrs. Fletcher, wringing the life out of me with his sanctimonious piety. I'm a woman, and every day I've been getting older and older, living like some plaster saint. The dutiful wife of the great and good Willie John Fargo. What was I supposed to do? Divorce him? Oh, my God. Can you just see the headlines? Or kill him? That would have thrust me into an even more untenable role. The keeper of Willie John's flame, living in chastity for the rest of my years.
    Rev. Willie John Fargo: Ruth, why didn't you tell me?
    Sister Ruth Fargo: I did, Willie John, every day in a hundred different ways. But you were always too busy to hear.

### One Good Bid Deserves a Murder [2.17]

    William Readford: You wish to inspect the diary, Doctor, not speed-read its contents.
    Dr. Sylvia Dunn: How am I supposed to bid on it if I don't know what's in it?
    William Readford: You're in it, Doctor. That's all you have to know.
    Lt. Nathanial Casey: McGraw, I'm giving you five seconds to get out that door before I throw you out.
    Harry McGraw: Yeah, you do, Casey. And I'll go right to my pals on the Morning Bulletin and tell them how this Boston flatfoot with baked beans for brains just put himself in line for a foot patrol beat in Brockton.
    Albert Cromwell: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murders] I was going to steal the diary. Richard Bennett showed up. He recognized me from Evangeline's. I knew if the diary turned up missing, he'd figure I was the one that stole it, so I killed him. And I put his body in the armoire. I didn't know it was going to be auctioned off. I thought it was blue-tagged.
    Lt. Nathanial Casey: And Radford? Why'd you kill him?
    Albert Cromwell: Well, I knew he faked the theft of the diary. I tried to force him to tell me where he had it. He didn't scare. He came after me. I grabbed a knife off the wall.
    Jessica: But why, Mr. Cromwell? Why did you want the diary so badly?
    Albert Cromwell: So she could rest in peace. You know, we were going together for a long time before she became famous. But her career, that came first. That meant she had to be seen with all the right people, like Richard Bennett. So, she dumped me. Went off looking for fame. But I never stopped loving her. Then I had to watch her name being dragged through those scandal sheets. Well, that's why she turned to drugs, you know. I think she wanted to stop too, but she was just too weak to, you know, pull herself out. I just couldn't stand it any longer. I had to help her. I had to put her out of that misery.
    Jessica: Then Evangeline's death wasn't suicide.
    Albert Cromwell: I did it because I loved her. You can understand that, can't you?

### If a Body Meet a Body [2.18]

    Connie Vernon: Henry had been seeing Phyllis for several months. I found out. Henry told me that it was all over between them.
    Jessica: Well, maybe Henry just forgot to tell Phyllis that it was all over.
    Dr. Hazlitt: Amos, someday you're gonna break an ankle jumping to a conclusion.
    Ned Olson: I just hate to see you get mixed-up with some hippie berry picker.
    Christy Olson: He is a berry grower, Dad, and he's just going through a phase.
    Ned: Dropping out of Harvard Business School to grow blueberries is no damn phase.
    Phyllis Walters: Sheriff, I swear to you, I had nothing to do with any of this.
    Sheriff Amos: Nobody said you did yet.
    Sheriff Tupper: What is going on here?! First a missing man is dead, and then a dead man is missing!
    Deputy: Sheriff? Sheriff, we just found Stew Bennett's van over on Ben Shipley's farm.
    Dr. Hazlitt: Well, Amos, win one, lose one.
    Dr. Seth Hazlitt: You ever thought of becoming a writer?
    Sheriff Amos Tupper: No, sir. Me and Mrs. Fletcher have got ourselves an understanding about that.
    Jessica: We do?
    Sheriff Amos Tupper: I don't write any books, and she don't give out any traffic tickets.

### Christopher Bundy - Died on Sunday [2.19]

    Jessica: Literary Lines Monthly! Now there is a misnomer. Anatomical, maybe. Literary, never.
    Vanessa D'Argento: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] You never knew my father, Mrs. Fletcher. He was a very gentle man. He wasn't weak. But he was thoughtful, and he was considerate. And he was caring. They never understood him. He always had time for me, even when nobody else did. Time to listen and time to share. And then that beautiful soul was destroyed by someone who only taught me to be afraid.
    Rachel D'Argento: Vanessa...
    Vanessa D'Argento: Don't look at me that way, Mother! I only did what you never had the courage to do yourself. I'm only sorry it took me so long.

### Menace, Anyone? [2.20]

    Jessica: I can remember when tennis was a gentleman's game.
    Carol McDermott: You've got a terrific memory.
    Elliot Robinson: You get to be more tolerant when the loneliness of old age starts fogging you in.
    Mitch Mercer: What are you trying to do, make a monkey out of my client in front of his fans?
    Carol McDermott: Only God can make a monkey, Mitch.
    Elliot Robinson: [after explaining how he found out his daughter was the murderer] I know I should have told you, but I couldn't. You see, she's all I had left.

### The Perfect Foil [2.21]

    Congressman Brad Gardner: I don't think you should go pokin' around that club.
    Rosalind Gardner: I was about to offer the same advice to you, darlin'.
    Lt. Edmund Cavette: Are you quite ready, Mrs. Fletcher?
    Jesssica: Actually, Lieutenant Cavette, it's, it's only a theory. But I'm ready if you are.
    Lt. Edmund Cavette: I wouldn't deprive you of the pleasure of making a fool of yourself for only me.

### If the Frame Fits [2.22]

    Lloyd Marcus: Someday, Jessica, you and I will have a long talk about the joys of parenthood. In terms of gratification, it ranks right up there with molar extraction.
    Julia Granger: Isn't Donald here yet?
    Mildred Tilley: Lose him again, dear? I always know where my husband is.
    Julia: Of course you do, Mildred. If you ever let dear Frank out of your sight, no telling what he'd be up to.
    Lloyd Marcus: So how was the game?
    Binky Holborn: Lloyd, my dear friend, I amazed this young thing with my flawless form and my superb follow-through. Unfortunately, for 18 holes the club-head and the balls never did get properly introduced to one another.
    Frank Tilley: You're the chief of police, Cooper, not a plumber.
    Chief Cooper: Not yet. The way the wife's been bustin' chops, you may have my badge back by suppertime.
    Sabrina Marcus: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] I don't believe it.
    Donald Granger: Believe it, Sabrina. It was a million-dollar crapshoot, and I lost.