# Donkey Kong Country

This page contains the quotes from the Donkey Kong Country series of electronic platforming games first released in 1994 by Nintendo, as well as the animated series based on it. The series typically depicts a feud between a family of great apes and Old World monkeys and the king of an army of various reptiles.

## Donkey Kong

* "Donkey all confused".
* "Banana-slamma!!!!!"
* "I was gonna call [Cranky] something else, but... you were present".
* "Aye aye, nose nose, throat throat, ablast to something to keep you me hardlies, and shiver me tree trunks!"
* Its finally over. Now, how do you get outta here? (screams, than fall into a trap and close the trap, than kick off the feet)
* "Hmmm, to know everything, I must give up everything... HEY! Little buddy, I'm giving you my tie collection!"
* "Ohh... feels like I got the stuffing knocked out of me... Oh no! I did get the stuffing knocked out of me! Where's my stuffing?!"
* "Arr, you got me confused with someone else. I'm Donkey Kroc the pirate, arr, and I'm looking for Donkey Kong the (mimics monkey) ape".
* "That's not mine! Look, there's still a piece of banana inside! I never leave a banana bit! Can I have it?"
* "I've never known any problem that couldn't be solved with a little nap".
* "Help, Diddy! I've fallen, and I can't get up! Can you pass me a banana, little buddy?"
* "It's hard to believe anybody this cute could have everybody so mad at him".
* "It's the company's fault for making you want it so much".
* "Back off or I'll have to slam you".
* "It's more fun bein' in one of these biplanes than on top of some skyscraper!"
* "I got a bad feeling about this, Cranky sounded really mad".
* "I'll shower you in Coconut Cream Pie".

## Diddy Kong

* "I'm Diddy! Ooh Ahh!"
* "Woah!"
* "Ah, never fear, Diddy's here. Just shove an hors d'ouvres plate in front of me and I can find a crab with my eyes closed. HERE, CRAPPY! CRAPPY! Here, Crappy, Crappy..."
* [Turns red & angrily throws cap on the ground and starts jumping on it] "You just lost my lucky ball!"
* "Only one thing worse than a bruised banana... a bruised butt".
* "Why couldn't you have disappeared forever instead of my ball?"
* "Not unless you got a weedwacker and a couple of hours".
* "That sounded like a zebra having his stripes removed".
* "Pay no attention to the monkey behind the monkey!"
* "Aliens are taking over Kongo Bongo and all anyone's doing about it is getting their hair done!"
* "Jeepin' jungleberries! How can I be an evil ruler if I can't attack the enemy in a helicopter? Oh, that's SO unfair, I HATE that..."
* [Turns red & angrily throws cap on the ground and starts jumping on it] "This is all Bluster’s fault! That BONEHEADED BABOON always messes things up and makes us look bad!"
* [Turns red & angrily throws cap on the ground and starts jumping on it] "Oh, I do have a future. I do, I do".
* [Turns red & angrily throws cap on the ground and starts jumping on it] "Oh! Those no-good dirty rotten low-down yellow-bellied thievin' slime-sucking salamanders!!"
* [Turns red & angrily throws cap on the ground and starts jumping on it] "Oh, I know that. I'm saying this is a treasure map. X marks the spot!"
* "There's no such thing as Bog Monsters".
* "Halfwit? You two are the ones missing the boat!"

## Cranky Kong

* "You're only reading this because you're bored!"
* "Donkey, I've had enough! That tie - turn it down!"
* "Get out of my tent now, you cheeky ape!! Wait till I tell your parents".
* "They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer! We used to be lucky if we only got three shades of grey, let alone any real colors!"
* "What am I doing here? I could ask you what you're doing here, all of you! But I know - wrecking my vacation, that's what! First bees, then ants, now you and those overstuffed alligators are the icing on the cake!"
* "Troff's a pig, Scoff's a hippo, and both are big, slow, and useless".
* "Ah, the rare flora-dora orchid. And today's the one day a year you bloom for five seconds, when the sun is in exactly... that position. Say cheese! I've only got five seconds. Work with me here. Hey, how come you're still here? The sun should've shifted. Great jumpin' bananas! The sun's not moving! That can't be good..."
* "It sounds crazy, but so is everything else that's happened today!"
* "I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!"
* "Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!"
* "Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!"
* "Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!"
* "Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?"
* "Someone sure has a vivid imagination! I've been everywhere and I can tell you that none of these places actually exist!"
* "What's going on here? Dixie should be the damsel in distress, not one of the stars!"
* "Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"
* "I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!"
* "Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!"
* "Until then, I got a little tip for ya, DK". [DK: "Yeah? What's that?"] "GO HOME AND LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!!"
* "Arrrrgh! This story's even worse than DKC! They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time!"
* "Bah! The lad had a couple of frames in DKC and now he thinks he's a big star!"
* "So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish..."
* "[Diddy is] quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me".
* "Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!"
* "Those silly stretchy arms give [Lanky] plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use".
* "Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?"
* "My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin".
* "I could defeat [K. Rool] single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?"
* "I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game".
* "Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."
* "Elsewhere [in Gloomy Galleon], you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use".
* "Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better".
* "The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep".
* "Do you think you two apes can break up your party long enough to fix up my roof?"
* "So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"
* "You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"
* "I can't be bothered to tell you any more [about Snide], so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him".
* "[DK is] the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?"
* "Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep".
* "[Golden Bananas are] The most precious item in the game, apart from me, of course. You'll need plenty of these to progress through the levels. If you find more than ten, I'll be surprised".
* "Special? Hah! I'd sure like to know what makes these [items] any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because they're slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose".
* "Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these [Wrinkly doors] should be used as a last resort only (or as a first resort if you are a really poor player)".
* "Let me know if you find a bananaport that can take me out of this sorry game, and I'll be there in a flash".
* "Jump in these to be transformed into an animal buddy. I just hope they've included poor old Winky and Expresso this time instead of that bone-brained rhino that always seems to get in the games".
* "All right. If you somehow get back safely from this and bring back that good-for-nothing Donkey with you, I'll admit that maybe you have what it takes after all. But if you don't there will never be more than cheap cameo roles for you in the future, my boy".
* "I've never seen so much worthless rubbish! I'm surprised they don't give you a special 'trash barrel' to haul it all around in!"
* "Visit me first and give me all your coins! I'm far more useful than these other sad-looking bums!"

## Other Kongs

* "Why is there not an election to determine the future ruler of Kongo Bongo?" ~Blast Off
* "When ya wanna be there like now, Funky's Flights is the way to go!" ~Funky
* "I'm just one sneaky, peeping, two-bit step away from becoming an even richer richest ape on Kongo Bongo Island - and that's rich". ~Bluster
* "Hey DK! I made your favorite! It's a 3-layer cake! Bananas, bananas, and bananas!" ~Candy
* "Marry me, Candy, and everything that's mine is yours, except for what's in this prenuptial agreement". ~Bluster
* "Too late, lizard lips! The babes went cruisin' with what you're losin' from the second you made the scene!" ~Funky
* "Wait a minute, not so fast! I want to go over that 'richer-poorer' part again with my lawyer!" ~Bluster
* "Can't we get this show on the road? I'm losing a fortune standing around here!" ~Bluster
* "Whoa! Check it out, dudes! Never saw green clouds before... well, maybe once. Hey! Where'd all that water come from?!" ~Funky, while flying upside-down
* "There, how could Candy possibly resist me now? (looks at his comb) What's this? Hair? My hair?? AAH! My hair's falling out!!" ~Bluster
* "I can't use this. So what if I've lost a bit of hair? ...AAH! MORE HAIR!! I'm shedding!" ~Bluster
* "I'd rather go on the picnic with your stupid robot than with you!" ~Candy
* "That unimaginative Donkey Kong would be more than happy to trade whatever treasure he finds for a... station wagon to cargo his bananas around". ~Bluster
* "Finally, somebody who speaks my language! Welcome, bro!" ~Funky
* "Uh-oh!" ~Dixie
* "You want to see the Lost World? What channel is that on, Dixie?" ~Wrinkly
* "Writing? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that involve knowing something like, say, the alphabet?" ~Bluster
* "Like the terminal dude said... I'll be back!" ~Funky
* "Hey, I think you've played this game before, haven't you?!" ~Swanky
* "I'm glad Cranky doesn't know about this new console. If he did, I'd never be able to get him off it!" ~Wrinkly
* "Ssshhhh, Kongs! I'm on my last life and you're breaking my concentration!" ~Wrinkly
* "Oh! That Donkey Kong. Is there some sort of world that says boyfriends always have to be late? Well, this time, I'm not taking "Jeez! Sorry, Candy! I forgot" for an answer, the big ape might not know it, but he's in big trouble!" ~Candy

## King K. Rool

* "YOU. . . . BANANA-SLAMMA!!!!. . . . .NIIIINYYYYYYYYYYYYY. . . . . Newt and you just nothing to lose the CocoNUT!! YOU JUST NOTHING TO LOSE THE COCONUT!!"
* "I'm surrounded by fools!"
* "No way! You chose the last contest, so I get to choose this one, and I choose the one where Donkey Kong gets beaten to a pulp!"
* "Klump! Krusha! Back to the mine. By the time we get there I'll have thought of some way that I can blame all of this on you two home-spun idiots!"
* "Cheater, cheater, banana bread eater!"
* "Behold! My Doomsday... paper? Hmm... must be the instructions. 'Keep your paws off my treasure. Signed--' DONKEY KONG?!"
* "HOW DARE YOU ENTER MY PRIVATE INNER SANCTUM WITHOUT AN INVITATION!"
* "Krusha! The cart! After them!... Not without me, you stupid, thickheaded tadpole!!"
* "Just give me your Monkey Business field report, you slimy-skinned bottomfeeder!!!!"
* "Those clueless chimps may know their way around the island up there, but no one knows the underground like King K. Rool! Left, Krusha! (The mine cart crashes.) I meant, right!"
* "The only enemies at a wedding, Klump, are the in-laws".
* "The prize, the wish, Kongo Bongo Island is mine!"
* "Very well, then. Da-da-da-da-da. There, I danced, I win, now GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!"
* "They didn't invite me?! That's so unfair! What's wrong with me?! Haven't I always tried to be a good enemy to Donkey Kong??"
* "NO, NO, NO! Now they've insulted me! I wouldn't go to that wedding if they begged me to go!"
* "This had better be good, Klump. I was a toe away from getting into the de-scaling tub for a soak!"
* "It's at times like this I find that I must ask myself again and again: 'Do I really want the Crystal Coconut this badly?'"
* "WAKEY-WAKEY! I can see I have my work cut out for me..."
* "'Fatso', is it? I'd choose my last words more carefully if I were you".
* "The only moron present is you! Now shut your pie-hole and get your low IQ back to HQ ASAP, you M-O-R-O-N!"
* "Oh, Krusha, you lunkhead. If you had two heads you'd be lonesome".
* "Klump! Didn't I say no news, no calls, no tyranny until tomorrow!? It's a bad villain day!"
* "Listen, you incompetent cretin! I want to be left alone! That means nothing! No one! No interruptions!"
* "NO, you knucklehead! For some reason, Donkey Kong thinks he's a pirate, so he's pirating everything that's not glued down!"

## Klump

* "You call this a body?! I eat pretzels fatter than this!"
* "Not you, I meant my twit!"
* "Permission to close both eyes while I'm listenin', sir?"
* "What the private means is that we were out of maneuvers. We got a little hungry for coconut cake... and I guess we got our coordinates missed!"
* "Hey, robot-monkey! Bring me somethin' to eat! I'm waitin', soldier! Now step on it! HEY!"
* "I know, I'll tell 'im a story. Oh, I got a good one. I'll tell 'im about my boot-camp days before bein' a General. My platoon was stationed in the swamps - it was the middle of July. I remember because the mosquitoes was bitin' somethin' fierce, and it was hotter than a pig on a spit. You could sauté seaweed on my tail, it was so hot. I remember my boot-stump like Mama's cookin'".
* "Who goes there? A furball? What're you doing in King K. Rool's kitchen? What's this jungle doing in King K. Rool's kitchen?"
* "Try this: special military-issue night-vision goggles, so he can't hippo-natize you".
* "Uh, permission to invite you as my date, your party-pooperness?"
* "Well, I'll save ya a piece of weddin' cake, sir".
* "Aw, do we have to go just yet? I was hopin' to catch the bouquet!"
* "Oh, I just love dreams! I had one the other night where a big pickle monster was dukin' it out with Mr. T. It was scrumdiddlyupmptious!"
* (stares at Dixie) "Hey! Quit Spyin' on Me!"
* (Begins to March) "Company! Forward! March! *snare drums play* Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup!"
* "Yes Sir! Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup! Hip! Hup!"
* "I said "Company Halt!" That's You! Krusha!"
* "Kritters! Ready.....Aim.....FIRE!!!"
* "Hip! Hup! hip! hup! Hip! hup! Company HALT!!!! Krusha? KRUSHA!!!"
* "You said "Blast off" and I didn't get to say anything!"
* "Mail call!!!!"
* "Uh, a letter, your paint-by-numberness. It appears to be in some kind of milarty code, sir! (King K. Rool flips the letter over) Amazing. You deciphered it, sir! *clears throat* Dear King K. Rool, It's been a long time, since our days of whitewater polo, and tsunami wrestling, but I think back on those times fondly... (King K. Rool grabs the letter) ...I'd like to get together again, for old times sake. What do you say? Your old buddy....Cranky?!"
* "A4 will go to the left, and A5 will..."
* "King K. Rool!! Your Royal Roughness, Supreme Scaliness!"
* "Oh we'll cheer him up, El Pretno! Sir! General Klump reporting! I have some news, and it's in my A1 rank of importance, sir!"
* "Oh, huh. But sir...I think this news will really cheer you up!"
* "My mom always told me to wear my helmet!"

## Krusha

* "Duhhh... is it Tuesday today?"
* "Duh, I was in Dreamyland..."
* "He's in a baaad mood".
* "♪The wheels on the mine cart go round and round, round...♪ Hey. What happened to Uncle Swampy?"
* "Uncle Swampy always says bye-bye".

## Dialogue

* Klump: Hip hup, hip hup, hippityyyy HUPP! Krusha? KRUUUUUUUUUUUSHA? Krusha: (From a distance) KLUUUUUUUUMP? Klump: Oh KRUUUUUUUUSHA? K. Rool: Klump? Where's the Magic Amulet? Haven't you found Donkey Kong yet? Klump: Uh, almost, sir! K. Rool: ALMOST? AS IN, "I'M ALMOST READY TO BARBEQUE YOUR SORRY CARCASS"?!? Klump: Uh, no.... Somewhere as in, somewhere between Not really, and sorta kinda... K.Rool: Don't tell me you're lost! Klump: Oh negative sir, my keen sense of sight, smell and direction have yet to fail me.... Hip hup, hip Hup (Marches off, than comes back) Hip hup...... Hip hup, whatcha got? K. Rool: A general whose brain can't hold a thought!
* Cranky: DK, back to the cabin PRONTO! Donkey Kong: But we haven't found the Well of Woe yet.... Cranky: There is no Well of Woe you knucklehead, I made it up to teach you two goons a lesson! DK and Diddy: A practical joke? Donkey Kong: You mean, the Amulet isn't even evil? Cranky: IT'S JUNK!!!!
* Cranky: To the Forbidden Forest! Hurry! Donkey Kong: (quickly) No can do! Diddy Kong: Oh, not again... Cranky: What are you talking about? Diddy: When DK was a kid, he thinks he saw a Bog Monster.... Donkey Kong: I DIDN'T THINK! I SAW! Cranky: Theres no such thing as Bog Monsters.... Donkey Kong: Oh yeah? Tell that to the one I saw! Cranky: THAT WAS ME THAT DAY, YA BIG GOOF!
* K. Rool: (after firing Klump) Well now, General, what do you think of your new position? Krusha: But, uh, I ain't moved.
* Bluster: Hey, Candy. Surprise! Candy: A birthday cake. How original, Bluster. Bluster: Yes, I am a thoughtful son-of-a-gun. Happy birthday! Banana cream, your favorite! Candy: Rejected; I'm watching my figure. Bluster: Don't bother, I'm watching it for you.
* K. Rool: [Krusha is] a natural... disaster, that is! Klump: Deploy the tranquilizer dart, sir? K. Rool: No! Kill it! Klump: Uh, does he get any last words? K. Rool: The music, you militant mushhead!!
* K. Rool: Once again, I, King K. Rool, have done the impossible. What do you think, Klump? Klump: (does jumping jacks) Doododododododododododooooo! K. Rool: I wish you wouldn't do that!
* K. Rool: (after winning the dance contest) Now let me see, what do I want? To be ruler of all of Kongo Bongo Island? That sounds good... Cranky: It's not your fault, Donkey Kong. Klump: (celebrates with his jumping jacks) Doododododododododododooooo! K. Rool: I WISH YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT! Cranky: Hahahahaha! Looks like you got your one wish, K. Rool!
* (DK and Dixie are sitting in the woods when Krusha comes up behind them.) Krusha: (in DK's voice) Hey, what about you, Dixie? Little Dixie Doodles. You are fine. Dixie: Huh? What is up with you, DK? DK: What? I didn't say anything! Krusha: C'mon! Put a lip lock on me, Dixie! That chump chimp Diddy will never know! Dixie: Why you lousy double crossin' two timin'... wait till Diddy gets a load of this!!!
* Bluster: Do I get any last requests? K. Rool: OK, but it can't be too expensive! Bluster: Nonono! I simply wish to sing a song! (starts singing "100 Banana Bunches on the Wall" with Krusha and some Kritters)
* K. Rool: Left turn, Krusha! We're heading back to the base for a brainstorming session! Krusha: Left? K. Rool: Right! Krusha: Right. K. Rool: No! I mean-- (Krusha turns right and the minecart crashes around the corner) Lunkhead!
* K. Rool: Tell them the plan, Klump! Klump: A4 will go to the left, and A5 will... K. Rool: Keep it simple, Klump! Klump: We're going to Cranky's house to steal the Crystal Coconut! Any questions!?
* K. Rool: I'll go on national television! Klump: ...On the 'Sing Along with Uncle Swampy' show?
* Klump: Good. I won't have to say 'fire'. (The Kritters fire their Klap-Blasters.) What the-? Stop, you moronic, robotic lizards!! STOOOOOOOPPPPPP!!!!!!!! Kritter 1: "Stop"? Did he say "stop"? Kritter 2: I thought he said "fire"! Klump: When I said "fire", I didn't mean fire! (The Kritters fire again.) Oh, I give up. What's the use? Soon King K. Rool will have his barrel supersonic satellite, and I'll be nothin' but a rest-home reptile. Diddy: What's going on up there? DK: I don't know. But there's Kritters and Klaptraps. That means King K. Rool's not far behind. (After two Klaptraps ate Bluster's Banana Flip.) Klaptrap 1: You know what I hate about hair? Klaptrap 2: You eat a head full and half an hour later, you're hungry again. Bluster: MY BANANA FLIP!!
* Cranky: Well, you did get the Trigger Barrels. But, I only needed two, not 2,000! DK: That reminds me. Bluster told me to give you this. (DK gives the receipt to Cranky, causing his eyes to widen in shock.) DK: He says it's due in 30 days. Cranky: DONKEY KOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* DK: Little buddy? Diddy: I'm way ahead of you, DK! Cranky: DONKEY KOOOOOOOOOONG!!!
* Cranky: I'm sure that Bluster was up to some monkey business with the crystal, but what? DK: Why don't you just ask it? Cranky: Good idea, Donkey Kong. Did that blowhard Bluster ask you for something? Heart, flowers, bees... A love potion! DK and Diddy: A love potion? DK: What would Bluster want with a... Love potion?! BLUUUSTERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* (K. Rool is playing a video game on his computer.) Krusha: Only 500 more points to beat your record, your croc-ship. K. Rool: Come on, come on, come on!!! (Klump appears on the computer, erasing the game.) Klump: General Klump, King K. Rool sir! Y'read me, you’re high 'n mightyness? ...Looking a little pale there, chief! K. Rool: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (K. Rool smashes the computer and takes deep breaths. Klump calls on the cell phone.) Klump: Chief? You there, chief? Krusha: For you, your highness. Klump: Seems we had some sort of interference.
* Green Kroc: If we dig any deeper, we'll sink the island! Kutlass: Aye! Are you sure we buried that treasure here, Captain-a-Skurvy, sir? Skurvy: Aye! X marks the spot! It be buried here, positively! Why, I'd even stake my reputation as the scurviest sea dog on it. I'd--ah, but even so, y'might wants to take a look over thar.
* Green Kroc: Why does we bury the treasure, Captain? Skurvy: Why does we bury the treasure? WHY DOES WE BURY THE TREASURE?! Kutlass! Tell Mr. Green Kroc here why we be buryin' treasure! Kutlass: Ahem. According to Section D, Paragraph 4 of The Pirate-a Handbook-a, any and all-a treasure acquired by ill-gotten means shall and will be systematically buried... sir. Skurvy: So there be your answer, Mr. Green Kroc-Smarty Boots! Now, not another word. Green Kroc: But, if we just gonna be digging it up again... Skurvy: ARE YOUR EARS FULL OF COTTON, SAILOR!?!
* DK: Y'see, I got bumped on the head, and now, um, who am I? Kutlass: You're Donkey... (Skurvy interrupts him with an elbow blow to the gut) Skurvy: ...KROC! DK: Huh? Skurvy: Aye! Donkey Kroc! Me old first mate! Green Kroc: But, I'm-a-your first-- (Skurvy elbows him in the gut, too) Skurvy: Surely you must remember Mr. Green Kroc, and me second mate, Kutlass.
* Skurvy: And now that I have retrieved the Crystal Coconut, I shall rule the Six Seas! Polly Roger: Bhawk! Last I counted there was seven. Skurvy: Even better!
* Skurvy: Now what be we doin', lads? Kutlass: Section D, Paragraph 4, Captain-a-Skurvy, sir! Green Kroc: Gift-wrap it?
* Green Kroc: Maybe we should get [DK] to dig up the holes before we get rid of him? Skurvy: Aye, but I can't stands having any more of that monkey stuff on my ship. Kutlass: Easy for you to say! You just hold the map; you don't have to dig! Skurvy: "What be that, third mate?!"
* K. Rool: So that's the reason Donkey Kong took my throne! Klump: He, uh, wanted a seat?
* K. Rool: Krusha! Abort the mission and come back to headquarters immediatly! Krusha: I can't..... K. Rool: WHY NOT??!! Krusha: Something bad happened... K. Rool:(Groans angrily) Then find Klump and tell him to get his leathery hide back here immediatly! Krusha: Kluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuump!!! (The camera reveals that Klump is right next to Krusha) Klump: Ya don't have to shout! K. Rool: Klump? Klump: HAHAA! Heh. Oh, hello there, sir. Everything um... under control here. (K. Rool shuts off his monitor) K. Rool: One more of my villain tutorials lesson 109 states: "If all else fails, implement and execute famous diabolical plan... Yourself!"
* Skurvy: OK, you lard-backed landlubber, hand over the amulet! K. Rool: Oh no, it's a nasty old pirate! OK, you win. (hands Skurvy the amulet in exchange for the Coconut) Skurvy: Arr, I be wantin' all the booty - the Crystal Coconut, too! Give it over! K. Rool: I would, but your hands are full. Allow me to relieve you of the hand cannon. Skurvy: "Oh, why, thank ye, mate. (K. Rool takes the cannon and points it at Skurvy.) K. Rool: All right, you uneducated piece of vermin! Skurvy: Arrrr! That be a dirty trick!
* Skurvy: So, you hand over the cannon, and I give you the amulet? K. Rool: NO! Keep the cannon; I only want the Crystal Coconut! Skurvy: But who gets the amulet? K. Rool: WHO CARES, YOU IMBECILE!?
* DK: Boy, it sure is nice having the Crystal Coconut back. Cranky: You can say that again! DK: Boy, it sure is nice having...
* Cranky: Well, that's a relief. Back where it belongs. DK: You know, Cranky, maybe you better find a safer place for the Coconut. Cranky: Nah, as long as I carry a big stick, no one will mess with me! (Eddie the Mean Old Yeti barges in.) Diddy: Unless it's someone with an even bigger stick! Eddie: Me, Eddie! DK, Diddy and Cranky: THE MEAN OLD YETI!!!
* Candy: Okay, Donkey Kong, you've got your peace and quiet. Now what? DK: I wrote a song for you, Candy. (starts singing) ♪100 banana bunches on the wall! 100 banana bunches! If one of the bunches should happen to bruise, 99 banana bunches on the wall!♪ Candy: You wrote that for me? DK: Yep! 'Cause you're prettier than a barrel full of bananas, Candy! And there's more, a lot more!
* Klump: Thunderin' artillery! Did you hear that? Krusha: Uh, hear what? Klump: "Will you marry me?"! Krusha: Me? Klump: No, ya noncommissioned nincompoop! Donkey Kong! Krusha: You want to marry Donkey Kong? Klump: No! Donkey Kong's gettin' married! We gotta tell King K. Rool immediately! (Soon, at the hideout...) K. Rool: Who did you say was getting married? Krusha: Me and Klump. Klump: Never mind him, sir.
* Klump: Shall I requisition an exploding wedding cake, sir? Or booby-trap the bouquets? Or obliterate the hors d'evoures? K. Rool: You're not exactly a romantic, are you, Klump? Klump: Negatory on that, sir.
* Klump: Permission to ask why you care about the enemy's forthcoming marriage, your sentimental slobbiness? K. Rool: Because who's more important than the king? Krusha: Uh, you are?
* K. Rool: Now that I have the Crystal Coconut in my possession, maybe it's time I thought about settling down with a wife! Klump: Sorry, sir, but I can't volunteer for that mission! Thank you for askin', though.
* Diddy: Gee, DK, you're the bravest ape in Kongo Bongo. You're not afraid of getting married, are you? DK: Don't be silly. It's just that the future ruler of Kongo Bongo isn't allowed to get married. Yep, that's it - the Crystal Coconut forbids it! Diddy: Really? I never knew that. DK: Neither did I until just now. How's it sound?
* DK: Hey, Bluster? This is devastating! We're done for, doomed! Yet you look... Bluster: Curious? Yes, as to what that crab is doing on King K. Rool's back. K. Rool: You think someone with my educational background is going to fall for such a desperate, infantile trick as the old 'crab-on-the-back' routine? (Crabby bites him.) Huh? YEEEEOOOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
* K. Rool: Think of the possibilities, Klump. Do you realize the things I could do with the Crystal Coconut in one hand and the Golden Banana in the other? Klump: Um... eh, juggle?
* K. Rool: So any further along with your "clever plan", Klump? Klump: Makin' headway, King K. Rool, sir. So far, we've managed to decode "assault", "like lightning", "night raid", "no prisoners", and "running shoe". K. Rool: Running shoe?! Klump: "Well, it might be "rooster", but it would change everything we've got so far.
* K. Rool: Even brain-challenged bozos like you must have noticed that time has stopped. Klump: Well, that's a relief, sir. I thought my watch was broken. Krusha: Ooh, does this mean I can stay up late?
* K. Rool: Where is my Coconut?! Klump: The big monkey wouldn't release it, sir. Krusha: And we said "please"!
* Diddy: It's a 'Dear John' letter! DK: Ah, thank you. For a second there I thought this was meant for me.
* DK: BANANA-SLAMMA! K. Rool: What an odd thing to say when somebody's chasing you.
* K. Rool: HOLD IT! Klump: Yessir! (stops cart and K. Rool falls out) K. Rool: Ow ow ow! AAAHHH!!! What just happened?! WHY DID WE GIVE UP THE COCONUT??!! Krusha: Uh, we had a coconut?
* K. Rool: Klump! Get back there and find out everything you can about, eh, whatsisname! Klump: Yes sir! Right away, sir! Uh, what is his name?
* Cranky: Business? You've got no business to go into business! You'll lose your shirt! DK: That's OK. I don't wear a shirt. Cranky: Then you'll lose your tie.
* K. Rool: Behold! The plans for my latest Donkey Kong Doomsday machine! I call it: the KCCBM! Klump: Kccbm? I think you need to recruit more vowels.
* K. Rool: (slurps a Coconut Chill) Mmm, delicious. Klump: They say it's nice to share. K. Rool: I'll be sharing my foot with your tail if you don't get me more of these delicious treats! Klump: Affirmative, ya ol' greedy guts.
* Bluster: The bigger you think, the bigger big shot you are, and the more you impress Candy! DK: Candy? Why didn't you say so? I'm all ears! Diddy: And I'm in for 50%.
* Kutlass: Stop, you little half-a-wit sea dog! Diddy: Halfwit? You two are the ones missing the boat! (Kutlass and Green Kroc realize that Skurvy left without them as they shout out to him.) What a bunch of goofus doofuses! (Laughs.)
* Cranky: You're supposed to be at my place keeping an eye on the Crystal Coconut! DK: Don't worry, Cranky, I took it for safe keeping. It's right over... Uh oh! It was right here a minute ago! Cranky: Safe keeping, eh?
* K. Rool: With my KCCBM, we'll be up to our tails in Coconut Chills before you can say "Blast off"! (Klump pushes a big red button that launches the KCCBM.) Kritters: HOORAY!! K. Rool: I wanted to push the big red button! Klump: But you said 'blast off', and I didn't get to say anything!
* Diddy: That's no ordinary map. Look! Footprints leading to an "X"! DK: So who would want to go clear across the island for an "X"? Funky: Especially when all you can spell with is like, uh, "xylophone"! DK: Or "exit"! Funky: Or "ox"! Diddy: Or TREASURE! DK: There's no "X" in "treasure", Diddy. Diddy: D'OH, I KNOW THAT! I'm saying this is a treasure map! "X" marks the spot!
* Candy: Hey, where's DK going? Bluster: Candy, uh... forget that. You didn't see them. You're hallucinating! You just think DK's going on a treasure hunt... uh, can I rephrase that? Candy: HE'S STANDING ME UP TO GO ON A TREASURE HUNT?! Why of all the... Dixie: Candy! Trea-sure hunt. As in treasure. Huh? Candy: Treasure? He's going on a treasure hunt? Bluster: Now Candy. As foreman of the... Candy: Are you flying this thing or am I learning to fly it without you!?
* Klump: Seems the apes are performing some search-and-rescue operation in the mountain mines, sir! K. Rool: What could they possibly be looking for in the mountain mines? Krusha: Duh, rocks? K. Rool: Rocks? Of course! LIKE THE KIND IN YOUR HEAD! What's the target, Klump? Klump: Buried treasure, sir! K. Rool: Any idea what kind of treasure? Klump: Rocks?
* K. Rool: It's so obvious that the treasure they're looking for is some kind of Doomsday Device capable of destroying an entire island! Do you know what that means? Krusha: Duh, the apes will have supreme domination over Kongo Bongo Island and probably turn us into matching luggage. K. Rool: He does have his moments.
* Funky: Whoa! Maybe the kids have doom-swooped the island! Bluster: What will we do? Funky: Only thing we can do. Chill here and wait for the others to give us the 'All Clear' sign. Bluster: But that could take a long time! Funky: So, we get to know each other. I'll tell you my middle name if you, like, tell me yours. Bluster: LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
* Cranky: Now zip your lip and listen! I've got something that'll snap Eddie the Mean Old Yeti out of his mean old mood! DK: Eddie's not the only one who could use some of that. Cranky: I heard that!
* Cranky: I think I just spotted Eddie! Funky: I am ready, dude! Cranky: Not ready! Eddie! Funky: Not ready yet? Just say when! Cranky: Isn't there something you can do so we can communicate? (Funky does something on the control panel and the noise stops.) Funky: All right. So, let's communicate. Cranky: What did you do? Funky: Turn the engine off. Cranky: Then what's holding us up? Funky: Like... (the plane starts to fall) ...nothing.
* Eddie: Me cranky! Cranky: No, I'm Cranky! Funky: Welcome to the club, cranky dudes! I'm cranky too! Eddie: Me crankiest! Cranky + Funky: AND HE'S GOT THE CLUB!!
* Cranky: Stop moving ya moron! I'm taking an X-ray of the inside of your head. Funky: Cool! I'll take an 8x7 and 3 wallet size! Cranky: The brain's already wallet size.
* Bluster: I am a remarkable specimen! Sound mind with the body of a Greek god! Diddy: Yeah - Blimpo, god of the fatheads.
* Cranky: [Bluster] thought we were talking about him and not the X-Ray machine, and now he's trying to weasel his way into the history book by killing all of us with his good deeds. Fat chance. Diddy: How do we make him stop? Cranky: With the cherry soda! Right there on the shelf, next to the Super-Sonic Vitapunch pack. DK: Cherry soda? Cranky: He thinks he has a fatal disease? DK: Yeah. Cranky: All we have to do is convince him that this cherry soda is some new miracle drug that will cure him. Diddy: Cherry soda's a miracle drug? Cranky: Of course not! But he'll think so and stop trying to destroy Kongo Bongo by being a hero. Besides, I've been trying to unload that stuff for ages.
* Bluster: The BarrelCopter! Mummy'll be livid! Cranky: Tell her to take a number - I was livid first! Candy: What about me? Bluster: What about you? Candy: I'm livid! Cranky: You can be livid later; now get this thing out of my house!
* Klump: Ooh ooh, I could use my secret emergency code. Like: "The fog was thick and dense." K. Rool: Like your brain.
* K. Rool: I know exactly how to keep Donkey Kong running in circles until the proverbial cows come home. Krusha! Krusha: (enters behind K. Rool) When did the cows leave? K. Rool: How many times have I told you not to sneak up behind me like that?!
* Inka Dinka Doo: Donkey... share... everyone. Diddy: No kidding! Tell DK and it'll be all over Kongo Bongo before you can say "Spill the Beans"! DK: What do you mean? I can keep a secret! Diddy: Yeah, right. Like the time I told you about my rash? And the time Cranky told you about his rash? And the time Candy told you about her... DK: Allrightallrightallright! I get the picture!
* Cranky: "Who built the ancient and mysterious temple of Inka-Dinka Doo?" Now why do you knuckleheads suppose it's called mysterious? DK: We don't know? Cranky: Exactly! It's a mystery! No one knows who built it! The end!
* DK: It's an invasion! DK + Diddy: They're gonna zomibify us! Cranky: I'll smackify the both of ya unless you knock off the Science-Fictional nonsense.
* Diddy: This is weird! DK: Yeah! I didn't know Funky was opening a hair salon.
* DK: Do your zombie worst! No interplanetary visitor dude mind vibe can control my mind! Cranky: No kidding! They'll never be able to find it!
* Funky: I got that zombie stuff from a movie I saw on the late, late, late, late show! Candy: You see? There's no such thing as interplanetary visitor dudes! Funky: Not ones that turn people into zombies, anyway. The ones I've met have always been real mellow... in an alternate life-form kind of way.
* Diddy: Then we'll kick some interplanetary butt! That is if they have butts. Klump: They might have two. Or three.
* K. Rool: You lost the Crystal Coconut?! Polly Roger: Yeah, so sue me! If I had a little more ground support I might have kept it! K. Rool: KLUMP! You had orders to provide ground support! What's your excuse? Klump: Tactical error. I lost 'em. Polly Roger: The tactical error was giving you the job!
* K. Rool: That's it! Cut Donkey Kong's hair, and before it grows back, I'll have the coconut! Klump: But uh... who will, uh... cut his hair? K. Rool: It's so obvious- the only person he'll let get close enough to him. You wouldn't know a good plan if it hit you in the head! Klump: I would too. If it hit me in the head.
* Bluster: I'm tired, my feet are sore, I have sand in my shoes and I'm thirsty! Give me that bottle! Candy: No, this will save Donkey Kong! Bluster: So what if K. Rool wins? Who cares? Donkey Kong will be out of my hair; I can't stand that guy! Now gimme that stuff!
* Candy: Leonardo Di-Ape-rio is the most adorable, talented, dreamy movie star I've ever drilled over! DK: What's he got that I don't have? Diddy: Well, movie-star good looks, movie-star fame, movie star money... DK: I've been in lots of movies. Candy: Huh? DK: Every Saturday afternoon I sit right in the front row.
* DK: Hey, Bluster, what are ya doing? Diddy: Lemme guess; Funky glued your fingers together?
* DK: Maybe we could fool K. Rool into thinking you could still hypnotize them! Bluster: I could do that. Or I could just use the last of the serum and really hypnotize them! DK: That would work too! (pats Bluster, causing him to drop the beaker) Oops! Bluster: At least it would have, if you weren't such a clumsy clutz!
* Diddy: Jumpin' jungleants! What did you say? DK: It's the anniversary of the first time I broke a date with Candy. So I'm gonna write her a love letter using Funky's plane! Diddy: Yoohoo! Anybody home? Who celebrates that anniversary? It's like celebrating your first toothache!
* Klump: Sir, there's an intruder on the island; some fella who's conspirin' with the enemy, AKA the apes. K. Rool: How so, Klump, AKA Twit?
* K. Rool: Well Krusha, let's hear it! Krusha: Uh-huh, what? K. Rool: Your imitation! Krusha: Uh, all right. Here goes. (imitates K. Rool's voice) Lunkhead! Once I have the Coconut... K. Rool: Not me, you ninny! Donkey Kong's! Krusha: Ooh, sorry. I thought you meant you, your mightiness. K. Rool: Just do his voice! Krusha: (imitates DK's voice) Bananas, bananas, bananas. I always got bananas on the brain.
* Klump: When the coast is clear, we'll jump out of the barrels, steal the Crystal Coconut back, and then swim back to shore. Krusha: Duh, I can't swim... Klump: Well, why didn't ya say so before we snuck on board!? Krusha: Well, you never asked.
* Krusha: I've devised a new plan to let me do the following: One, take over the world; Two, get rid of those babbling baboons; Three, get the Coconut. Klump: And rescue K. Rool from being blown to tiny bits? Krusha: (sighs) And rescue K. Rool from being blown to tiny bits!
* Klump: Hey, Fred Astairicle! I'm leadin'! Krusha: Why you? Klump: Because I outrank ya.
* Klump: With Donkey Kong incommissioned, grabbin' the Coconut will be a piece of cake. Krusha: Ooh ooh ooh, we get cake too? Klump: Aw, nevermind...
* Bluster: [after voting for himself] May I have another? Cranky: Sorry, Bluster, one vote each! That's how it works. Bluster: You mean, I get the same number of votes as him!? (points to Eddie the Yeti) And you call this a democracy!
* DK: Well? Klump: Well... Job well done, sir. DK: Not so shabby yourself, Klump. Now, if I ever see you in my territory again, I'm gonna "BANANA SLAMMA!!!" you like you've never been Banana Slamma'ed before. Klump: In triplicate, varmint! (DK and Klump salute each other, turn around, and walk away)