# Norbit

Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Mr. Wong, and Rasputia.

## Norbit

* I didn't touch your seat.
* No, that's just my... my wife.
* No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts.
* Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes. [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lingerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
* HALT!!!!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed once again] 187, officer down!
* Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America!
* Yes, it did! And that makes you the Queen of Whores!

## Kate Thomas

* Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit.
* [After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!
* I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
* I just don't trust you anymore.
* Norbit, what are you doing?!
* "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here...

## Mr. Wong

* Norbit, where you go?! Why you run off?
* "Whale, ho!"
* Yeah, and a ho!
* It just like old times. Maybe you two should go take poop together.
* "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

## Rasputia

* Damn it, Norbit! How many times I gotta tell you, don't be messin' with my car seat?!
* That's MY wine cooler!
* [repeated line] How YOU doin'!
* [Norbit singing "Tuesday" in the shower] Say Tuesday again, and you ain't gonna see Wednesday!
* I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide!
* It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?
* That's what your stupid black butt get!
* KATE, FOOL!!
* Hell to the no!
* Did somebody just call me a whale?

## Dialogue

    Norbit: But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient.
    [the two twin bullies smash his sandcastle]
    9-Year-Old Norbit: What did you do that for?
    One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it.
    Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it?
    [The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts]
    10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone.
    Both Bullies: Says who?
    [Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways]
    9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you?
    10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. What's your name?
    9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit.
    10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name.
    9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up?
    10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt?
    9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No...
    10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get up and hold my hand.
    9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing?
    Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!
    Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
    Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!
    Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
    Rasputia: Raging Waters?
    Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
    Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
    Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!
    Rasputia: Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit]
    Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!
    Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday.
    Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
    Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
    Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
    Rasputia: Who the hell are you?
    Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
    Kate: Nice to meet you!
    Rasputia: Hello.
    Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
    Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
    Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
    Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-
    Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!
    Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
    Mr. Wong: Yeah! Gonna blow!
    Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
    Lloyd the Dog: Kill her!
    Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?
    Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice her!
    Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
    Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING!
    Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?
    [Norbit gets up]
    Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?
    Rasputia: Mm-mm.
    [Rasputia takes out a container of acid]
    Rasputia: What's this?
    Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
    Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.
    [Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]
    Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?
    [Scared, Norbit nods his head]
    Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!
    [Kate walks over to Norbit]
    Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
    Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.
    Kate: No, that's not all.
    [Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]
    Kate: Norbit.
    Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
    Kate: What?!
    [Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
    Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
    Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
    Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
    Kate: Y y-- you don't care?
    Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
    Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!
    Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
    Kate: B b bu-- but last night--
    Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
    [Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]
    Norbit: She is all the woman I need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!
    Deion: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
    Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
    Deion: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
    [The ceremony resumes]
    Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
    Norbit: I object!
    [congregation gasps and murmurs]
    Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
    Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.
    Pope Sweet Jesus and Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
    Kate: [surprised] Norbit!
    Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
    Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
    Kate: Norbit, what are you doing?
    Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
    Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?!
    Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your bitch!
    Rasputia: [laughs after Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story about Deion is a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
    Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
    [Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
    Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
    Children: Daddy!
    Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
    Rasputia: Who is that ho?
    Ex-Wife #3: Luther? He told me he was gay!
    Deion: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
    Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!
    Deion: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
    Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
    Lord Have Mercy: Church!
    Big Jack: Dammit, Norbit!
    Norbit: Oh, snap!

## Taglines

* Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake?
* Nice Guy. Huge Problem.

## Cast

* Eddie Murphy - Norbit Albert Rice / Hangten Wong / Rasputia Latimore
* Khamani Griffin - young Norbit (age 5)
* Austin Reid - young Norbit (age 9)
* Jonathan Robinson - young Norbit (age 17)
* Lindsey Sims-Lewis - young Rasputia (age 10)
* Yves Lola St. Vil - young Rasputia (age 17)
* Thandie Newton - Kate Thomas, Norbit's best friend, in whom he has a romantic interest.
* China Anderson - young Kate (age 5)
* Terry Crews - Big Black Jack Latimore
* Lester "Rasta" Speight - Blue Latimore
* Clint Powell - Earl Latimore
* Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Deion Hughes
* Eddie Griffin - Pope Sweet Jesus
* Katt Williams - Lord Have Mercy
* Floyd Levine - Abe
* Anthony Russell - Sam Giovanni
* Pat Crawford Brown - Mrs. Henderson
* Jeanette Miller - Mrs. Coleman
* Michael Colyar - Morris
* Marlon Wayans - Buster "Bust-A-Move" Perkin
* Alexis Rhee - Ling Ling Wong
* Charlie Murphy (voice) - Lloyd the Dog
* Tone Man - Narrator (voice)

## External links

* Norbit quotes at the Internet Movie Database