# The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (season 5)

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The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

### What's Will Got to Do With It? (1) [5.1]

    Man: What does this contract say?
    Will: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
    Man: That's right. Not Philadelphia. Bel-Air.
    Will: Well, you see--
    Man: Get in the van!
    [The man throws Will into the van]
    Man: Yo, homes, to Bel-Air.
    Philip: I'm going to be watching you like a shadow!
    Will: With you, it would be more of an eclipse, huh?

### Reality Bites [5.3]

    Will: I mean Dougie loves everything. People, am I the only one who sees a problem with this? (singing) I love bugs and I love death. I love oozing flesh wounds!
    Will: Yeah, where is Carlton? He had better have a good reason for standing Nicky up.
    Carlton: Will locked me in the closet!
    (Will sits at the kitchen table, Hilary enters the kitchen and throws a newspaper on the table)
    Hilary: Look at this.
    Will (reading newspaper): "Powerful earthquake rattles northern coast."
    Hilary: Oh, boo-hoo.
    (turns paper over and points to page): This.
    Will: "Television personality Leeza Gibbons was shocked to learn that the woman attempting to vandalize her car was none other than rival talk show host, Hilary Banks."
    Hilary: (groans)
    Will: "Banks, seen here, wielding a potato..."
    Hilary: Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing.
    I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car and it didn't even make a scratch.
    At least they didn't catch me putting my keys in her exhaust pipe.
    Will: Hilary, you were supposed to- never mind.
    Hilary (aiming video camera at television to record Leeza Gibbons' show): Geoffrey?! Geoffrey?!! Geoffrey!!!
    Geoffrey: You answered, Miss Hilary?
    Hilary: I have been calling you for fifteen minutes. Didn't you hear me?
    Geoffrey: Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name. I was rather enjoying it.

### Grumpy Young Men [5.4]

    Carlton (comes in the kitchen with his hands on the top of his head): Did you just put super glue in my hair gel?
    Will: That's what you get for stealing my girl.
    Carlton: I didn't have to steal her. She was bored with you, so that she has to come to a real man.
    Will: So, what you're saying is that I'm not a real man?
    Carlton: You got that right. It's like this "Hey, baby, (doing his pelvic thrust) pap, pap, stuff". It worked in high school, but now, it's just embarrassing!
    Will: Take it easy there, stumpy.
    Carlton: And you know what? I'm also getting tired of the short jokes. I'm average height.
    Will: For a woman!
    Carlton: I'm large enough for Valerie.

### Fresh Prince: The Movie [5.5]

    Will: Uncle Phil. Hey man, what are you doing here?
    Philip: I'll tell you what I'm doing here. Years ago, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman named Vivian. Vivian had a sister named Vy. Vy gave birth to a child named Will, whose sole purpose in life is to make mine a living Hell! Now, you have done a lot to me these last 4 years, but how you managed to have me ripped out of my wonderful life in Bel-Air and relocated to this landfill boggles my mind!
    Will: Look, Jazz, I just don't feel comfortable telling you anymore, man. Who knows? Your life could be in danger.
    Jazz: What life? I'm a married man.
    Mob Killer: If I were you, I'd run.
    Will: If you were me, you'd be good looking.

### Will's Misery [5.6]

    Carlton: You can't understand and respect women because you're not in touch with your feminine side.
    Will: And you know what your problem is? You're not in touch with anybody's feminine side.

### Father Knows Best [5.7]

    Will: (to Ashley) Don't tell me, 'cause if I know I can't say that I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil starts rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects.
    Miss Sharpe: Come closer.
    Will: Heyyyyyyyy.
    Miss Sharpe: That's a fake mustache.
    Will: No, it's not!
    Miss Sharpe [takes off the mustache off]: Yes, it is!
    Will: No, it's not!
    Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
    Ashley: Will...
    Will: It's not!

### Sooooooooul Train [5.8]

    (Will sees Carlton dancing.)
    Will: Carlton, what's wrong? Are you having a Malox moment?
    Carlton: I'm getting ready for Soul Train. I believe there's dancing involved.
    Will: Two things. One: That's not dancing. And two: I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from the show.
    Carlton: And why, pray tell, is that?
    Will: Again, two things, Carlton. One: Because you say stuff like "pray tell". And two: You're gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host.
    Will: You see, Soul Train's been looking for a co-host for months, and so far no one's worked out.
    Carlton: And they're gonna give you the job based on your love for Don Cornelius dolls?
    Will: [annoyed] It's not a doll, it's an action figure! And you've got no business being on the Soul Hyundai, let alone the Soul Train.

### Love Hurts [5.9]

    (After scuffle in Bowling alley)
    Lisa: Will, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a--
    Will: A what!? A Power Ranger!?
    Lisa: No, I've been studying self-defense. Did I do something wrong?
    Will: Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate.
    Lisa: Baby, you were on the floor.
    Will: That's how I fight!
    Lisa: Let's just get back to the game.
    Will: Fine!
    (Will attempts to roll the ball, but it slips and hits another man in the chest.)
    (Jazz pulls out a small thin book from his pocket)
    Jazz [to Will]: I give you... The Hoodlum Pages. Okay, let's see here.
    (Jazz flips through the pages)
    Jazz: Counterfeiters... Extortionists... Car Salesmen... Ah, here. Guys who take dives...
    (Jazz hands Will the book and he scans the page.)
    Will: Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me, that this guy will let someone hit him ten times for $40?
    Jazz: Mention this ad and he'll throw in a head-butt.
    Will: Oh, okay, so this dude come down to the Peacock, stir up a little fray, I take him down and Lisa and everybody think I'm a hero. Aight, thanks, man. Hey, by the way, where'd you get this?
    Jazz: I stole it.

### Will's Up a Dirt Road [5.10]

    Will: I call it, "Celebrity Houses, At Night!"
    News Publisher: Hmm, very interesting.
    Will: Cause see, here's Bob Barker drinking some coffee in the bathroom.
    News Publisher: Er...
    Will: And here's Gene Simmons frying his underwear on a barbecue grill.
    News Publisher: Um, that's lovely.
    Will: And here's Jay Leno pouring some coffee in the sewer.
    News Publisher: Oh, my god!

### Will Steps Out [5.11]

    Lisa: Will?
    Will (wearing a fat suit): Well, it ain't Fat Albert!

### Same Game, Next Season [5.12]

    Hilary: What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess?

### It's a Wonderful Lie [5.14]

    Philip: What are you thinking about?
    Vivian: I'm just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15.
    Philip: It was so long ago, how could you remember?
    [Vivian scowls at her husband]
    Philip: I'm just so upset, I'm saying things I don't even mean.
    Ashley: You know something? This is all your fault.
    Will: What is that, like the theme of this family? "When in doubt, blame Will."

### Bullets Over Bel-Air [5.15]

    Nicky: Why do you shave and Ashley doesn't?
    Will: Well, you know, because guys grow beards and some women don't.
    Will: (after being shot at the bank) Hey, don't be looking at me like that. Y'all know ain't no little bullet gonna stop me. Although, I will be doing my banking by mail from now on. Knowing my luck, I might run into a disgruntled postal worker.
    Philip: We can see Will, but we have to go right home after that.
    Vivian: Why?
    Philip: Well, apparently we're driving the nursing staff crazy.
    (Hilary and a nurse walk into the room)
    Hilary: I don't understand. I'm just a visitor. Why do I need medication? And what is Prozac anyway? Do you think I need this? I feel fine.

### A Decent Proposal [5.16]

    Lisa: Will, you can be so stupid!
    Will: Well, stupid is as stupid does!
    Lisa: What does that have to do with anything?
    Will: I don't know but the movie made a billion dollars.
    Jazz: [defibrillator on hand] Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER.
    Lisa: Jazz, that's not a toy.
    Jazz: It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun. Check this out. Clear!
    [he shocks himself, and is sent rolling through the hallway]
    Lisa: (to Philip) Have you ever crushed any one?
(Geoffrey appears; by now he would say something snarky about Philip's weight, but Phil glares at him and he leaves)
    Vy: (about Will marrying Lisa) WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT???
    Geoffrey: (enters suddenly, skipping and singing) Got to do with it! Got to do with it!

### Will is From Mars... [5.17]

    Dr. Whitehorn: Hello, George. Wheezie.
    George: Hey, Whitey.
    Dr. Whitehorn: That's, uh -- That's Dr. Whitehorn.
    George: Yeah, yeah, Horny. Where do you want me to sit?
    Wheezie: Well?
    George: Well, what?
    Wheezie: He said to name three things you like about me.
    George: Fine. Your mother died. Your mother's dead. Your mother ain't livin' no more.
    (Will laughs then coughs when he sees Lisa glaring at him)

### As the Will Turns [5.20]

    Will: I'm Young and I'm Restless. And I've only got One Life to Live, so I've got to follow my Guiding Light and search for tomorrow.

### Save the Last Trance for Me [5.21]

    Will: Uncle Phil, be honest. When Aunt Viv was pregnant with Carlton, did she... (imitates someone drinking.)
    Will: Carlton, are you sure Aunt Viv didn't... (imitates someone drinking.)
    Great Mentos: May I have a volunteer.
    Carlton: Oh, pick me, oh Great Mentos, pick me!
    Will: Oh, shoot me, oh Great Mentos, shoot me!
    (Philip barks)
    Will: (to Vivian) Hey, hey, hey. Look, I'll walk him but somebody else gonna have to pooper-scoop.

### Cold Feet, Hot Body [5.23]

    Denise:(walks into kitchen) Surprise!
    Will: (sees her and screams) AAAAHHHH!!!
(Lisa stares at him)
    Will: I feel good!
    Will: Alright, I'll do you- IT! I'll do it... I mean, I'll give you a ride- OOH!!
    Will: (to Denise) We ain't gonna let you walk no 11 miles. Where's Nicky's skateboard?
    Will: (to Carlton) There's a beautiful woman talking to me, but I don't expect you to understand that!
    Will: Yo, Carlton, people are complaining there ain't no bacon on the BLT's.
    Carlton: Well, where’s the law that says the "B" has to stand for "bacon"? Read the damn sign!
    Will: Bread, lettuce and tomato!?

### Love in an Elevator [5.24]

    Stripper: Geoffrey? But you told me your name was Will.
    Geoffrey: No, I said I was will-ing.

### For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll [5.25]

    [Will and Carlton poke through the gifts]
    Will: Oooh, I wonder what's in here? [drops and breaks the gift]
    Carlton: Probably something that has to be replaced.
    Will: Looka here, looka here. Look at these cute little money-sized envelopes. [extracts cash] BOOM-BYA! This is one of my favorite presents: Ben Franklin! [to the $100 bill] Excuse me, Ben, allow me to show you to your seat... [inserts the bill into his back pocket and spanks it]
    Will: (last line of the season) Y'all come back now, y'hear?