# Arctic Dogs

Arctic Dogs (also known as Arctic Justice or Polar Squad in the UK) is a 2019 computer-animated comedy film co-written and directed by Aaron Woodley and co-directed by Dimos Vrysellas.
The film was released on November 1, 2019 by Entertainment Studios in Canada and the United States. It was panned by critics and was a box office bomb, grossing $9 million against a production budget of $50 million.
    Directed by Aaron Woodley. Produced by Monika Bacardi, Andrea Iervolino, Joonbum Heo, Youngki Lee, Jae Y. Moh and Jae Woo Park. Screenplay by Matt Lyon, Bob Barlen, Cal Brunker, Aaron Woodley and Bryan Thompson.

## Swifty

* So who's gonna be a good boy? Who's gonna be Top Dog? Oh, that's you. Look at me. No, that's you, Top Dog. You are...Top Dog!
* Has anyone seen my self-respect.
* The gas! Ugh, that smell! It's like the planet made of poopy. [faints from the geyser eruption]
* Whatever happened to "When put to the test, deliver your best"?

## Otto Von Walrus

* Those Top Dogs are becoming a nuisance. Something will have to be done about them.
* Kidnapping the Top Dogs was not an order. HOW DARE YOU CARRY OUT SUCH AN OPERATION WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Now that the Top Dogs have seen our operation, we can't let them go, can we?! They know too much! So who will deliver Jade's packages to me now, you birdbrains?
* Drumroll, please. [one of the puffins start doing a drumroll sound] It's just an expression.

## Jade

* That darn sorting machine!
* Oh, you'll get your control panel, alright. And a little something extra too.
* [to Otto Von Walrus] If you're such a genius, why do you need me to make a control panel for you?

## Others

* Top Dogs: [repeated line] Arctic strong!
* PB: [jogging] Be stronger than excuses, Swifty. Let's go!
* Lemmy: Don't go labeling me. That's my job.
* Leopold: The truth, she's in here.
* Bertha: [about Jade] We still don't trust her.
* Magda: And Magda not moose! Magda caribou! [slams the door]
* Puffin: Alright, guys, that's it. We're outta here. [they all fly away]

## Dialogue

    PB: [after pulling Swifty out of the snow pile] Swifty? What are you doing here so early?
    Swifty: I lost... my pound.
    PB: What pound?
    Swifty: The pound I gained to hit the 20-pound minimum to pull the Top Dog sled!
    PB: Well, you can't fight your metabolism.
    Swifty: I can, and I will. Put to the test, I'm going to deliver my best. Come on!
    PB: Swifty, how have I put this repeatedly in the past?
    Swifty: Look out!
    PB: Oh yes, deliveries have only ever been made by dogs, and you are not a dog. You are a small arctic fox who was not meant to pull a giant sled with even gianter packages on it. Are you hearing me?
    Swifty: What? Yeah, every word. Come on, buddy, we've got a pound of find. Let's go!
    [Magda brings out Swifty's file]
    Swifty: Adequate?
    Magda: Extremely.
    Swifty: Extremely...adequate?
    Magda: [opens the file] Up from last year's competently sufficient, but down from the year before's satisfactorily appropriate. Still, no promotion for you this year. [puts file away] Now, get back to work.
    Swifty: Magda, I-I've worked really hard for this. I mean, it's-it's not fair.
    Magda: Life is not fair. Is it fair that I have to run business with antique equipment and employees who are only extremely adequate? Is it fair that ex-husband run off with wild elk 10 years younger? No!
    Swifty: I'm sure I had nothing to do with that. [an earthquake is felt, the drawer opens] Was that an earthquake?
    Magda: [closes the drawer] Don't try to change subject. [stands up] I know you have big dream of being Top Dog, but you're not dog, you're just fox.
    Swifty: Did you have to say "just a fox"? Couldn't you just say "a fox"? I mean, the "just" thing is really kind of... Look, what if I had just a small delivery route? Just a little one?
    Magda: Nyet. I run serious business here. [a beaver in a bucket scans barcodes on packages and falls down causing the packages to tumble] Quiet.
    Swifty: I didn't say anything.
    Beaver: [offscreen, faintly] I'm okay!
    PB: Hey, is that my coffee maker?
    Jade: Oh, yeah.
    PB: Whoa!
    Jade: I retempered the glass on the carafe, added a hydraulic press, and juiced up the tiered percolation unit.
    PB: Thanks! Does it still make coffee?
    Jade: Yes, PB, it still makes coffee.
    Duke: [opens the door] I don't know about you guys, but I'm looking forward to 40 winks of a good old-fashioned shuteye. [walks down the stairs]
    Dusty: Yeah, my dogs are barkin', alright. [walks down the stairs] Can you believe Swifty today, getting caught stealing that old sled?
    Dakota: [walks down the stairs] If that fella had an inkling of what this job actually entails...
    Duke: Let the little guy have his dream. He's not hurting anyone.
    Dakota: [sees a puffin] Well, what have we got here?
    Dusty: Hello, little guy.
    Duke: Are you lost? You want us to call your... [a second puffin jumps out from behind the first puffin, the 2 puffins spray the Top Dogs with sleeping gas blasters] ...mama? [the Top Dogs faint from the sleeping gas]
    PB: Hey, Top Dog, what gives?
    Swifty: Don't call me that. I don't deserve it.
    PB: Sure you do, pal. You've worked hard.
    Swifty: No, I only got the chance because Duke and the others disappeared.
    PB: They didn't disappear, they quit.
    Swifty: That's just it. I don't think they did.
    PB: What do you mean?
    Swifty: I think something is going on, PB.
    PB: I'm all ears.
    Swifty: [pause] There's this crazy walrus with robotic legs and a British accent. I know, weird already, right? Okay, it gets better. Now they're holed up in a secret fortress filled with adorable yet evil little puffins and they're building this huge machine which I think may have something to do with the rising temperatures. And I saw harnesses in a garbage can which makes me 90% sure the Top Dogs have been dognapped! And there were sleeping gas blasters! IT'S WEIRD, MAN! I'M JUST TELLIN' YA! [calms down] I sound like I'm crazy, don't I?
    PB: Certifiable.
    Swifty: [sounds saner] How about now? Do I sound like crazy now? [PB crosses his arms] You gotta believe me. Why don't you believe me?
    PB: [sighs] Because for years, you've been stretching the truth to get attention, that's why. And quite frankly, I've had enough! You don't have to make up a bunch of stuff to impress me. I'm not Jade. Are you listening to me?
    Swifty: Yes. Oh wait, no! What? I forgot about Jade. They're using her to build the machine.
    PB: Who?
    Swifty: The walrus.
    PB: The one with the robo-legs?
    Swifty: Yes!
    PB: Okay, that's it. You need to go see Doc Grizzly.
    Swifty: NO! I don't like him! C'mon, PB, I... Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just need you to unders--
    PB: [interrupts Swifty] You always need me to do something. Well, I need to get to work. That's what I need to do. But you're probably not listening anyway. [begins to walk away] You never do.
    Leopold: [opens the door] Agent Swifty, he's back!
    Bertha: Did you bring intel?
    Swifty: I brought intel, out-tel, up-tel, and down-tel. Lemme tell.
    Leopold: Do tell! [he and Bertha snatch Swifty inside]
    Leopold: Biolipadium Aradithic Dipsodium gas. B-A-D. BAD gas.
    Bertha: Very bad gas!
    Leopold: Unknown to the establishment.
    Bertha: Denied by the establishment.
    Leopold: It is prehistoric!
    Bertha: It is mutant!
    Leopold: It is hot and incredibly stinky!
    Bertha: If allowed into the atmosphere, it would speed up global warming and melt the ice caps within minutes.
    Swifty: [standing on a giant snow plough that Jade built] We're gonna drive right through the front door. [jumps down]
    PB: Then what?
    Swifty: Inside, right next to the door is a wall of sleeping gas blasters.
    Lemmy: Where else would you put 'em, man?
    Swifty: Exactly! Everyone grabs a blaster, we start gassing, they all go nighty-night. Bertha and Leopold will hack into the mainframe where we find Jade, Duke, and the others are being held. We rescue them, round up the bad guys. Badda-bing badda-boom! Justice served! How about ya!
    Leopold: Magnifique! [he and Bertha chest-bump each-other, Lemmy dances]
    Magda: What could possibly go wrong?
    Swifty: [sees the Top Dogs] Duke, Dakota, Dusty!
    Dusty: They got you too, huh?
    Swifty: This is great! I mean, well, it's not great we're all stuck in here, but we're all together, right? You can help us all escape now.
    Duke: "Escape"? [chuckles sadly] Look, little fella, you can't defeat these guys.
    Dakota: There's no way.
    Swifty: [stammers in disbelief] What are you guys talking about? You're Top Dogs. Taigasville needs you. You're heroes!
    Duke: "Heroes"? We're 3 overworked mutts who just wanna retire somewhere warm.
    Dusty: With a beach.
    Dakota: And those coconut shell drinks with the little umbrellas in them.
    Swifty: [as the others sadly walk away] Whatever happened to "When put to the test, deliver your best."?
    Duke: Heh. All you kids, you grew up idolizing us, thinking we're larger than life. [walks to Swifty] But the truth is, we just deliver the mail.
    Swifty: [pause] No...
    Duke: Look, the show's over, kid. We're done. [walks away]

## Voice cast

* Jeremy Renner as Swifty
* Alec Baldwin as PB
* Heidi Klum as Jade and Bertha
* John Cleese as Otto Von Walrus
* Anjelica Huston as Magda
* James Franco as Lemmy
* Omar Sy as Leopold
* Michael Madsen as Duke
* Laurie Holden as Dakota
* Donny Falsetti as Dusty
* Nina Senicar as Countdown Inka
* Aaron Woodley as Puffins
* Soraya Azzabi as Alma
* Jason Deline as "Nasty" Naz Narwhal