# Pani Poni

Pani Poni Dash! is a Japanese television series based around the concept of satire, for it frequently references Japanese culture in a wide array of ways. It centers around several first year students and their teachers in a school in Japan, though the main focus is on class 1-C.

### No Linings in Winter, Cotton Linings in Summer

    Narrator: Rebecca Miyamoto, born of an American father and a Japanese mother. Graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of technology. The youngest graduate in the school's history. She then returned to Japan to become a high school teacher. However...she was only 10 years old at the time.
    Becky Miyamoto: [sighs] This sucks.
    Himeko Katagiri: Maho! Oh my God, oh my God, you guys will never believe the news I got! This is some omega big news! [slips, she hits the camera]
    Miyako Uehara: What on earth makes you to make so much noise this early, GOD!
    Kurumi Momose: You should expect it by now.
    Rei Tachibana: Our homeroom teacher Mr. (bleep) quit on us?!
    Miyako Uehara: Quiting without giving us any notice. It's irresponsible!
    Sayara Suzuki: Do you know if he gave any reason?
    Himeko Katagiri: You know, I kinda didn't think to ask that. [Miyako groans]
    Ichijo: We should devote ourselves to God.
    Kurumi Momose: Do you think she's talking to us?
    Rei Tachibana: Don't worry about her, she doesn't know anything.
    Old Geezer: Unfortunately, your homeroom teacher, Mr. (no audio) turned in his resignation yesterday and won't be returning to teach you ever again.
    Miyako Uehara: But did he give any reason, sir?
    Old Geezer:: [no audio, all of the students gasp] But if you want to know the truth...[evil laughter]
    Rei Tachibana: [turns to the viewer] So, you ever wonder what the hell's going on behind the scenes of this school?
    Old Geezer: Your new teacher's name is Ms. Miyamoto and... [pulls out his bento box] mmm...Im going to have Sakaben for lunch.
    Rei Tachibana: We don't care what's in your bento box, old man.
    Old Geezer: Here it is, Ms. Rebecca Miyamoto, your new teacher. [pulls out a big picture of her, with a black ribbon around it, making many students think she's dead]
    Miyako Uehara: Our teacher's a corpse?!
    Rei Tachibana: Take off that stupid black ribbon!
    Rei Tachibana: It looks like we're runing out of kid jokes and short jokes, so I say we move on to choosing her nickname.
    Himeko Katagiri: Oh! I got it!
    Rei Tachibana: I'm not looking forward to this, but go ahead, Himeko.
    Himeko Katagiri: Rebecco!
    Rei Tachibana: That's too weird.
    Himeko Katagiri: Then how about Rebecco?
    Rei Tachibana: That's what you just said!
    Miyako Uehara : In foreign countries, sometimes they shorten names. Like Stephanie becomes Steph and Catherine becomes Cathie, you know?
    Kurumi Momose: After all that bitching, she's added to the discussion.
    Lord Cat: The cans are warmed by my body heat.
    Rebecca Miyamoto: Oh.
    Lord Cat: And F.Y.I, I'm God, by the way.
    Lord Cat: Oh, and miss, could you please close the door for me?
    Rebecca Miyamoto: Screw you, kitty.
    All: Hello, Becky!
    Becky Miyamoto: C-Commercial!
    Becky Miyamoto: Can we go home now, Mesousa?!
    Kurumi Momose: Oh, the thingy she's talking to behind the podium, what do you suppose it is? Is it a rabbit?
    Rei Tachibana: Yeah, Im pretty sure it's something like that.
    Kurumi Momose: [grabbing Mesousa] Do you think it's edible?
    Rei Tachibana: There's only one way to find out.
    Behoimi: So the long awaited teacher has finally arrived? Come on, let's go check her out, guys! [the students of 1-D are about to leave the classroom]
    Old Geezer: You step one foot out that door and I'll be standing by your pillow every night! [the students stop, as they walk in reverse] What a damn bunch of cowards.
    Becky Miyamoto: Shut up, you little brats, don't you dare underestimate ME!!! Look, I don't care if you ask any questions, but please use your brain before you open your mouth. For the love of God, try to think of less boring things to ask. Understand? [flips the bird] You lower life forms! [all of the students gasp]
    Rei Tachibana: [punches Becky in the head] How dare you talk to your students like that?!
    Miyako Uehara: You asked her that on purpose, didn't you?
    Rei Tachibana: It was just my way of showing my love.
    Miyako Uehara: Oh, you are evil.
    Becky Miyamoto: Okay, that's it for today, see ya tomorrow morning bright and early, suckas!

### It's Always Harder Than The Ones Who Have to Watch

[at Becky's classroom]
    Kurumi Momose: You mean Becky's not here yet?
    Sayaka Suzuki: I wonder if something happened to her.
    Miyako Uehara: I bet she overslept. She's not fit to be a teacher!
    Himeko Katagiri: [singing] Ma-maho, maho, maho, maho...
    Miyako Uehara: Do you want me to kill you?
    Himeko Katagiri: Maho?
    Becky Miyamoto: Sorry I'm so late, everyone.
    Himeko Katagiri: All right! Becky's back! Yay!
    Kurumi Momose: You don't look like you're normal. Is there something wrong?
    Himeko Katagiri: Hey there, little kid eacher.
    Becky Miyamoto: Get away from me.
    Becky Miyamoto: Miss Igarashi?
    Miyuki Igarashi: Yes?
    Becky Miyamoto: I appreciate you fixing my bed hair and all. But if you could step away from me now, that'd be great.
    Miyuki Igarashi: Any reasons?
    Becky Miyamoto: Your breath smells like alcohol.
    Saotome: Come on, girls! Get the lid out!
    Miyako Uehara: Stop yelling at us, Big Mouth!
    Miyako Uehara: [groans] We are in the middle of class! At least pretend to pay attention!
    Rei Tachibana: I told you she tore the teacher's lounge apart. But she couldn't find it anywhere.

### Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

[At Class 1-D]
    Miyuki Igarashi: All right. There's going to be a test tomorrow, so study for it.
    Yuzuko Kurusu: Ohh, tests are so disappointing.
    Miyuki Igarashi: Yeah, tell me about it, kid.
    Ichijo: Um, excuse me, Rei? Could I talk to you outside for a moment?
    Rei Tachibana: How come you're being so, like, normal? It's really freaking me out.
    Ichijo: Do you usually study a lot for these kinds of tests, Rei?
    Rei Tachibana: I don't know that I study a lot, I just basically review stuff.
    Ichijo: I think I understand.
    Rei Tachibana: Yeah, it's not that tricky.
[while Miyako screams at a microphone]
    Rei Tachibana: You gotta admit, that was pretty fun, right?
    Sayaka Suzuki: Yeah, fun.
    Rei Tachibana: We're gonna spend the night at Miyako's and study for the test.
    Becky Miyamoto: I really admire your work-ethic. If you keep studying like that, you'll get to be like me when you grow up.
    Rei Tachibana: Ugh. I understand what you're trying to convey, but...
    Kurumi Momose: We're already more grown up than she is.
    Ichijo: Why are you wearing your PE uniform?
    Sayaka Suzuki: I sorta forgot to pack my pajamas.
    Himeko Katagiri: It's a slumber party!

### Even a Thoroughbred Has Its Habits

    Becky Miyamoto: Now, I want you to bring out your research presentation.
    Rei Tachibana: That sounds like elementary school homework or something.
    Himeko Katagiri: Little kids' summer vacation!
[During Kurumi's presentation]
    Kurumi Momose: I kept a specific growth record of Morning Glory during summer vacation.
    Rei Tachibana: So plain.
    Miyako Uehara: How plain.
    Ichijo: It's plain.
    Sayaka Suzuki: It's the plainest "of the year".
    Himeko Katagiri: Maho-hoi!
    Giant Salamander: I'm Himeko Katagiri, kero.
    Himeko Katagiri: And I'm a giant salamander, maho.

### Art Causes Harm to the Body

    Becky Miyamoto: People say "idiots don't catch colds". But I wonder if it's true. It must be that...[coughs]
    Himeko Katagiri: Becky, goodness! Are you alright?
    Rei Tachibana: I bet you haven't got enough sleep because you've been staying up all night watching late-night TV shows everyday, am I right?
    Becky Miyamoto: I don't watch TV all the time! It's just something that's been going around, that's all. You better be careful too!
    Himeko Katagiri: Roger, I'll be omega careful!
    Becky Miyamoto: You don't have to worry about that.
    Himeko Katagiri: Maho?
    Becky Miyamoto: I know this is sudden and a short notice. Class 1-C has been temporarily closed.
    Misao Nanjo: My goodness gracious, I'm sorry to hear that.
    Tsurugi Inugami: What, is the flu going around or something?
    Becky Miyamoto: It's an unknown virus.
    Kurumi Momose: You seem pretty calm, don't you, Rei?
    Rei Tachibana: Well, now it has come to this, there's no point in worrying. I'll just look the main upstairs and look the matter.
    Himeko Katagiri: No, you can't do that. Rei! If you give up, it's game over!
    Rei Tachibana: You idiot, stop!
    Himeko Katagiri: Let him out, damn it!
[Himeko gets electrocuted]
    Himeko Katagiri: Maybe I just got electrified.
    Rei Tachibana: That's why I told you not to.

### A Wise Man Will Know When to Approach Danger

[At Becky's classroom, Himeko is picking up a scent with her nose]
    Rei Tachibana: What's the matter with you, Himeko?
    Sayaka Suzuki: Do you smell something?
[Himeko sniffs on Sayaka, Miyako, Kurumi, and Rei]
    Himeko Katagiri: Maho!
    Rei Tachibana: Huh?
    Himeko Katagiri: [hugs Rei in the breasts] Mahoooo!
    Rei Tachibana: Himeko, what are doing?!
    Himeko Katagiri: You smell so good, Rei!
    Rei Tachibana: Let go, you idiot!
[Rei punches Himeko]
    Himeko Katagiri: [in pain] Maho...
    Kurumi Momose: Himeko, what are you doing?
    Himeko Katagiri: Because...[sniffs on Rei again and hugs Rei's breasts] It smells good!
[Rei punches on Himeko again]
    Himeko Katagiri: I'm sorry, seriously!
    Rei Tachibana: And what the hell do you think you're doing?
    Himeko Katagiri: Well, actually...[stomach growls] Oh. I'm getting hungry, you know?
    Rei Tachibana: Huh?
[Himeko sniffs on Rei again and drools]
    Rei Tachibana: I don't get it...
    Miyako Uehara: You know you went too far this time, Ichijo!
    Ichijo: I'm sorry, I'm not quite good enough to handle a million volts electric shock yet.
    Rei Tachibana: Don't say "yet"!
    Miyako Uehara: I never in a million years stalled a volt into a stat high.
    Kurumi Momose: It's a miracle!
    Rei Tachibana: Sounds too miraculous.
    Himeko Katagiri: [after being scared by Becky] I'm scared!
    Becky Miyamoto: Himeko?
    Himeko Katagiri: I'm scared of little kids! [wails]
    Miyako Uehara: Hey. what's wrong with you, Himeko?
    Becky Miyamoto: That's right. Don't go acting all weird and the funny moment you wake up.
    Alien Captain: Oh, boy! Things are really getting wild!
    Yellow Subordinate Alien: I wonder if Ms. Miyamoto is all right.
    Lord Cat: I am God, meow.
[as Himeko raises her hand to feel the sun's warmth]
    Rei Tachibana: Of course it was.
    Miyako Uehara: What did you say?!
    Sayaka Suzuki: Did that mushroom had something to do with Himeko's behavior?
    Kurumi Momose: How's Himeko?
    Sayaka Suzuki: Oh, she's sunbathing.
    Rei Tachibana: But, where did Becky go?
    Kurumi Momose: Locked in her research room.