# Rumpole of the Bailey

Rumpole of the Bailey is a British television series created and written by the British writer and barrister John Mortimer. It starred Leo McKern as Horace Rumpole, a middle-aged London barrister who defended a broad variety of clients, often underdogs. The popularity of the TV series led to the stories being presented in other media, including books and radio.

## Quotes

    Horace Rumpole: [of his wife, Hilda] She who must be obeyed.
       Taken from H. Rider Haggard's She (1886; 1887)
    Horace Rumpole: [of Phyllida] The Portia of our Chambers.

### Season 1
#### 1. Rumpole and the Younger Generation

    Nick Rumpole [to his father, Horace]: Go on, Watson, you interest me strangely.
    Fred Timson: It's, uh, young Jim's first, uh, appearance, like, at the Bailey.
    Horace Rumpole: [to himself] Ah, his Bar Mitzvah, his First Communion!
    Mr Justice Everglade: I imagine your client says he was not ejusdem generis with the other lads.
    Horace Rumpole: Ejusdem generis, my Lord? Oh yes, he's always saying that. Ejusdem generis is a phrase in constant use in his part of Brixton.

#### 2. Rumpole and the Alternative Society

    Horace Rumpole: [describing his marriage] I had no choice in the matter at all. I was called up to marriage like military service. Her father was head of chambers. He gave me to understand what was expected of me.
    Bobby Dogherty: He says you'll find lime juice and soda has a potent little kick in it.
    Horace Rumpole: The kick of a mouse in carpet slippers, I should imagine.

#### 3. Rumpole and the Honourable Member

    Rumpole: [to himself] Go into court on a rape — it's like stepping into a refrigerator with the light off. All the men are thinking of their daughters; all the women are sitting with their knees jammed together!
    Hilda Rumpole: You know why Erica went home, don't you? ... She didn't much like the questions that you asked in court; she thought they were tasteless.
    Horace Rumpole: Distasteful.
    Hilda Rumpole: What?
    Horace Rumpole: That's the word: distasteful. They have trouble with English, you know.

#### 4. Rumpole and the Married Lady

    Horace Rumpole: Lawyers and tarts, Miss Trant, the two oldest professions in the world, and we always aim to please!
    Horace Rumpole: An Englishman's gin bottle is his castle.
    Phyllida Trant: We don't have to prove cruelty, do we, Mr Rumpole? It's "intolerable conduct" since the Divorce Law Reform Act, 1969.
    Horace Rumpole: [to himself] It's not the frivolity that makes women intolerable. It's the ghastly enthusiasm — that mustard keenness to get into the lacrosse team, that relentless drive to learn the Divorce Law Reform Act by heart. That, and the French perfume.
    Hilda Rumpole: You're going to seed. You can't even keep a divorce case going.
    Horace Rumpole: [to Hilda] Do you know why my divorce case collapsed under me? The clients were reconciled. [to himself] Because how ever awful it is, how ever silent and unendurable it is, how ever much they may hate each others' guts over the three-piece chintz-covered lounge suite, they can't stand to be alone. [to Hilda] Isn't that strange, Hilda? They'd rather have war together than a lonely peace.

#### 5. Rumpole and the Learned Friends

    Horace Rumpole: The flu is a disease with endless possibilities.
    [Rumpole is ill in bed and Hilda is taking his temperature]
    Hilda Rumpole: Rumpole, you're not normal.
    Horace Rumpole: I'm dying.
    Hilda Rumpole: Nonsense! What did Doctor Hanson say it was?
    Horace Rumpole: Death. He says there's a lot of it about.
    [Rumpole's illness is interrupted by news of a safe-blowing case]
    Hilda Rumpole: I thought you were dying.
    Horace Rumpole: Dying will have to be postponed. Safe-blowing comes first.
    [Guthrie Featherstone is leading Rumpole in the case]
    Guthrie Featherstone: Of course I'll mitigate.
    Horace Rumpole: Mitigate? "My Lord, my client only went in to buy a seven-penny stamp. But as he was kept waiting by ten old ladies with pension books, he lost his patience and blew the safe."
    Horace Rumpole: I'm not exactly doing your case.
    Charlie Wheeler: Oh, you're not?
    Horace Rumpole: No, your case is being handled by Mr. Guthrie Featherstone, QC, MP, whose name is constantly mentioned in the corridors of power.
    Horace Rumpole: Here, I give you a toast. Here's to our future.
    Hilda Rumpole: The future!
    Horace Rumpole: Which now shows every sign of being exactly like our past.