# Bob Hearts Abishola

Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–2024) is an American television sitcom, starring Billy Gardell as Bob and Folake Olowofoyeku as Abishola, that aired on CBS from 2019 until 2024.

## Season 1
### Pilot [1.01]

    [First lines of the series]
    Paramedic: We have a 50-year-old male, chest pains, labored breathing!
    Douglas: Hang in there, brother. You're gonna be okay!
    Dottie: Of course he's gonna be okay. It's just gas!
    Bob: It's not gas, Mom! I'm having a heart attack!
    [Bob and Abishola are on the bus.]
    Bob: This is nice. I thought there'd be more weirdos.
    Abishola: You are the weirdo.

### Nigerians Don’t Do Useless Things [1.02]

    Abishola: Thank you for walking me back.
    Bob: Well, it is Detroit, and it's broad daylight so you can't be too careful.
    Abishola: Okay, uh, thank you again. We can stop here.
    Bob: Well, how come? What, you're embarrassed to be seen with a white guy?
    Abishola: Yes. Goodbye.

### A Bird May Love a Fish [1.03]

    Bob: So, if I want to say "Hello" in her language...
    Abishola: There is no love.

### Square Hamburger, Round Buns [1.04]

    Kemi: My son called. His wife is pregnant!
    Abishola: Congratulations.
    Kemi: That makes 5 grandchildren. My sister only has 2. I win again!
    Abishola: Mmm Hmm.
    Kemi: When we take our next family photo, she will be humiliated!

### Whacking the Mole [1.05]

    Abishola: I'm glad you liked it.

### Ralph Lauren and Fish [1.06]

    Dottie: Spun.
    Christina: No, spoon.
    Dottie: Spun.
    Christina: Oh, God, what's happening?

### Tough Like a Laundromat Washing Machine [1.07]

    Abishola: I'm not going to do that.
    Dottie: Oh, why?
    Abishola: You don't pay me enough to commit murder.
    Dottie: Where are we going?
    Bob: It's a surprise.
    Dottie: Are you putting me in a home?
    Bob: Maybe. We'll see how this goes.
    Douglas: Bye, Mom.
    Christina: Love you.
    Dottie: Where are we? What are we doing here?
    Bob: Don't worry about it.
    Dottie: If anyone can hear me, I'm being kidnapped!

### Useless Potheads [1.08]

    Christina: What are you doing?! Don't touch me!
    Abishola: Now, on the count of 3, lift Christina up and put her in the wheelchair. 1, 2, 3. Now gently lower her in the wheelchair.
    Christina: Ow!
    Bob: We'll do better with Mom.
    Dottie: I can't do it if you're looking at me, Christina!
    Christina: I'm not looking!
    Dottie: And I can smell the pot!

### We Were Beggars, Now We Are Choosers [1.09]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Congregation: Hallelujah!

### Ice Cream for Breakfast [1.10]

    Tunde: That's funny.
    Dottie: Tunde!
    Douglas: Okay.

### Splitting the Hairs [1.11]

    Bob: All right, I'll talk to her.
    Kemi: Abishola was right.

### There's My Nigerians [1.12]

    Tunde: Close enough.

### The Canadians of Africa [1.13]

    Abishola: I don't understand. Do you like him or not?
    Olu: Thank you for checking.

### Full-Frontal Dottie [1.14]

    Bob: Okeydoke, Pamir.
    Kofo: Mr. Wheeler, no!

### Black Ice [1.15]

    Douglas: That took balls, Kofo, standing up to Goodwin like that.

### Where's Your Other Wives, Tunde? [1.16]

    Tunde: Yes, I never saw my breath before I came to America.
    Tunde: I cannot say no to that face.

### A Big, White Thumb [1.17]

    Pastor: I hope we all get to meet Bob soon.
    Gloria: Don't matter what she eats. The mean ones don't die.

### Sock Wife! [1.18]

    [first lines]
    Kemi: Good morning.
    Tunde: So... you paid no taxes last year?
    Bob: Unbelievable!

### Angry, Happy, Same Face [1.19]

    Abishola: I, uh, I spoke with Bob.
    Dottie: All right, sounds good.

### Randy's a Wrangler [1.20]

    Bob: He's a nice older gentleman. She met at the doctor's office.
    Bob: I love you.
    Abishola: Yes. I understand.

## Season 2
### On a Dead Guy's Bench [2.01]

    Bob: You look beautiful today.
    Abishola: Thank you, Bob.
    Bob: It's weird how this bench has kind of become our bench.
    Abishola: Actually the plaque on the back says it's in loving memory of Stanley Webber.

### Paris is for Lovers, Not Mothers [2.02]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Gloria: Yeah, I got to go with the Bride of Sock Man.
    Operator: 911. What's your emergency?

### Straight Outta Lagos [2.03]

    Gloria: Yeah, that's good.
    Gloria: Oh, my God. You are Melania.

### Camp Bananas [2.04]

    Christina: Mom put you there on a time-out, and suddenly you're Joe Six-Pack?
    Dottie: What's wrong with you 2?
    Douglas: You're breaking all the chips, Christina!

### Sleeping Next to an Old Boat [2.05]

    Tunde: Olu?

### A Tight Ass is a Wonderful Thing [2.06]

    Kofo: Medical, vision, probably some sort of matching pension contribution...

### The Wrong Adebambo [2.07]

    Bob: Hello, Abishola.
    Bob: It's not a date!

### Honest Yak Prices [2.08]

    Douglas: Or... illegally.

### Tunde the Boy King [2.09]

    Dottie: Too bad.
    Dottie: Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

### The Cheerleader Leader [2.10]

    Goodwin: Which means the teammate he was passing to was a little ahead of the backmost defender.
    Kofo: The beauty of football is, everything has to go just right for success to be achieved.

### I Did Not Raise Him to be a Teenager [2.11]

    Tunde: Who is it?
    Tunde: No, no.

### We Don't Rat on Family [2.12]

    Kemi: Her first wedding was perfect.
    Gloria: Well, around here, you don't have to worry about what anyone else wants.

### A Big African Bassoon [2.13]

    Tunde: Yes, every day I wake up, I check my stocks over breakfast, then I visit my various real estate holdings, at least the ones in Michigan.
    Abishola: Hello?
    All: Hi!

### A Tough Old Bird [2.14]

    Abishola: Kemi, I'll give you 200 bucks to not fall!
    Kemi: Thank you for catching me.

### TLC: Tunde's Loving Care [2.15]

    Dottie: What the hell happened to the Wi-Fi?
    Bob: We got a situation out here.
    Dottie: Oh, got one here, too. You just lost 600 bucks.
    Bob: How?
    Dottie: The game locked up.
    Bob: You lost $600?
    Dottie: I had a good hand!
    Bob: You're why I drink, you know that?
    Dottie: Well, right back at you!
    Bob: Abishola? Whoa!
    [Bob slips on water and falls to the ground.]

### Sights and Bites [2.16]

    Bob: Okay, buddy.
    Abishola: Dele, it is Mommy.

### The Devil's Taste Buds [2.17]

    Bob: Wow, you ladies look wonderful.
    Gloria: Thank you.
    Bob: Uh, I don't like the lighting. Move over there.

### God Accepts Venmo [2.18]

    Abishola: Thank you, everyone, for getting together on short notice.
    Ebunoluwa: I can hear perfectly fine. How old do you think I am?
    Abishola: Since there is not much time. I thought I could buy my wedding dress here.

## Season 3
### Welcome to Lagos [3.01]

    Abishola: Welcome to Lagos, Bob!

### Bowango [3.02]

    Dele: You'll never take me alive!
    Christina: Other than the bride, of course.

### Dud [3.03]

    Dottie: I'll see you at dinner!
    Bob: (singing) How, how, how. How, how, how!

### Old Strokey [3.04]

    Dottie: Bobby? Hello?
    Dottie: Tunde, open the door!

### Greasy Badge of Honor [3.05]

    Abishola: Dele, tell me about school. How did you do on your algebra test?
    Dele: I got an A+, same as my science quiz.
    Abishola: And did you do your literature homework?
    Dele: There was none. I did a book report anyway. My teacher was confused but gave me an "A."

### The Devil's Throuple [3.06]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Kemi: So this is what we do: Chukwuemeka and I get back together, and you have your happy son.
    Goodwin: No.
    Douglas: I'm out of ideas, Christina!

### Fumble in the Dark [3.07]

    Gloria: Whoa. You got her in all caps.
    Gloria: Wait. Terrence from radiology?

### Light Duty [3.08]

    Olu: Yes.

### I'm Not Edsel [3.09]

    Ebunoluwa: Wonderful.

### Tunde123 [3.10]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Tunde: While we grow weaker, her strength only increases, like the temperature in our apartment.

### Cats in a Bathtub [3.11]

    Ogechi: You do not want trouble with me.
    All: Hallelujah!

### Your Beans are Flatlining [3.12]

    Gloria: Abishola.
    Bob: Abishola. Abishola.

### One Man, No Baby [3.13]

    Olu: Of course, Ebun.
    Goodwin: Of course.
    Douglas: Goodwin, we love you and all you've done for the business, but... we're Wheelers.

### Every Subpoena is a Tiny Hug [3.14]

    Christina: My resignation letter.
    Tunde: It is fine!

### Compress to Impress [3.15]

    Olu: Oh, wonderful. How do you feel about nudity?
    Marion: Dottie, I'm gonna have to stop you there.

### I'll Sleep When I'm Dead [3.16]

    Dottie: Rule number 1... never name the animals on the farm.
    Tunde: For enough money, they will put your name on a pew.

### Inappropriate Nakedness [3.17]

    Abishola: Bob.
    Bob: Get out.

### Greasy Underdog [3.18]

    Pastor: Be gone, servant of Satan!
    Chukwuemeka: We are in your hands, Bob.

### Who Raised You [3.19]

    Bob: Hey, Mom.
    Christina: There she is.
    Douglas: Good instinct.

### Wrangling a Greased Pig [3.20]

    Ogechi: Kemi, oh, I have fallen.
    Douglas: Dele!

### A Little Slap and Tickle [3.21]

    Ebunoluwa: After winning several high-profile murder cases, he can easily transition into politics.
    Tunde: "Vote Dele Adebambo for President: The Nigerian Hammer."
    Dottie: If he does go into politics, someone might dig up that my late husband and I were communists for a couple of days.

### Beard In Her Pulpit [3.22]

    Falade: God is among us.
    Ogechi: Pastor, this Suya is from my kitchen.
    Dottie: Well, then step right up.

## Season 4
### Touched by a Holy Hand [4.01]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Falade: Come in.

### Bibles to Brothels [4.02]

    Dottie: Exactly.
    Man: Bob.

### Americans and Their Dreams [4.03]

    Douglas: You know what?
    Dottie: What's going on?

### Inner Boss Bitch [4.04]

    Man: Ms. Wheeler?
    Jared: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

### Kicked Outta the Dele Club [4.05]

    Gloria: Are you kidding me?
    Dottie: All right, let's do your precious vote.

### Two Rusty Tractors [4.06]

    All: Aye.
    Bob: Yeah. We're clear.

### Your Father's Kingdom [4.07]

    Bob: All right, now watch your step.
    Both: Oh!

### Estée Lauder and Goat Meat [4.08]

    Bob: Okay, here's the one we're looking at.
    Ebunoluwa: We will have to deep clean this filthy house.

### Idle Nigerians [4.09]

    Bob: All right, you want to play rough?
    Others: Yeah!

### An Afro and a Peugeot [4.10]

    Tayo: (over phone) Bob.
    Douglas: It is!

### Twerk O' Clock [4.11]

    Tunde: Hello. Uncle.
    Morenike: Many of the queens will perform today.
    Olu: Ooh, no.

### My Successful Lawyer Son [4.12]

    Both: Delivery day!
    Chukwuemeka: I want you to know I have the best intentions with your mother.

### Happy People are Lazy [4.13]

    Abishola: I'm not taking a test today.
    Bob: Oh, no, honey. It's today. I put it in my calendar. Abby MCAT make pancakes, keep mouth shut, keep Evan's mouth shut...

### Put that Toe on Ice [4.14]

    Alexa: Chapter 46: Acute Gastrointestinal Hemorrhage.
    Dottie: Oh, no.

### Every Character Is the Villain [4.15]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Douglas: While we're divvying up Kofo's carcass, can I have his office?
    Kofo: Hey.

### Mmm, Fresh Baked Sock! [4.16]

    Dottie: It's not that hard.
    Kofo: Yes, and no part of the sock should be more bossy or egocentric than any other.

### I'll Never Play Banjo Again [4.17]

    Banjo Player: I'll never play banjo again.
    Abishola: Are you okay, Douglas?

### A Hundred CCs of Handsome [4.18]

    Kemi: Mm-hmm.
    Christina: Sounds great.

### Keep That Under Your Gele [4.19]

    Dele: They are pew hoppers.
    Bob: Oh, look at this stud.
    Dottie: So, what do we think...

### The Genius Who Fell Out of my Womb [4.20]

    Kemi: Uh-uh.
    Gloria: You do realize those elite universities don't take everyone, right?

### Take Two Yellows and Go to Bed [4.21]

    Bob: It was an Uber.
    Christina: And you.

### Uncharted Waters of Mediocrity [4.22]

    Narrator: Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
    Bob: First things first, I want to update you on our negotiations with Hanes.
    Bob: There we go.
    Gloria: Listen to me!

## Season 5
### The Dead Eyes of a Respectful Son [5.01]

    Abishola: Bob, talk sense to him.
    Bob: I'd rather not.

### Kill the Cat [5.02]

    Bob: Well, next time, kill the cat.
    Abishola: Bob.

### The Devil's Hot Tub [5.03]

    Abishola: What are you talking about?!
    Bob: All right, thanks for stopping by.

### The Heart Attack Boys [5.04]

    Abishola: If you look at the facts, I only have 1 child.
    Bob: Have you spoken to your sister lately?

### Tayo Time [5.05]

    Bob: So, you want a baby.
    Abishola: I did not say that.
    Bob: So, you don't want a baby.
    Abishola: I did not say that, either.

### A Tablespoon of Dad [5.06]

    Bob: I'm gonna go see how Abishola is doing.
    Abishola: We'll get through this. Ty will spend some time with his son and then he'll be gone.

### Worth the Cooties [5.07]

    Abishola: I have never been to a garage sale before.
    Bob: Good one, buddy. You are such a freaking nerd.

### My Michelle Obama [5.08]

    Bob: I can't believe you fell in love with someone who could fill this thing out.
    Abishola: What if I was to love someone for who they are?

### Sad Cupcakes [5.09]

    Abishola: They're offering you millions.
    Bob: But, at what cost?
    Abishola: Millions!

### Diamonds Are Made to Sparkle [5.10]

    Bob: Cheers!
    Abishola: Cheers!

### These Giants are Flexible [5.11]

    Bob: You really do what I do.
    Abishola: Well, these giants are flexible, Bob.

### Olu! I Popped! [5.12]

    Abishola: I do like free foods.
    Bob: Right. She would do that. I'm just excited that we can't get away with you in Sin City.

### Find Your Bench [5.13]

    Bob: It takes a special kind of person to sell a piece of clothing. Most people take for granted. The humble sock.
    Kemi: So much has changed, but this bench is just how it's always been.
    [Final lines of the series]

## Cast

* Billy Gardell - Robert "Bob" Wheeler
* Folake Olowofoyeku - Abishola Bolatito Doyinsola Oluwatoyin Adebambo

## Recurring

* Christine Ebersole - Dorothy "Dottie" Wheeler
* Matt Jones - Douglas Wheeler
* Maribeth Monroe - Christina Wheeler
* Shola Adewusi - Oluwatoyin "Olu" Ifedayo Olatunji
* Barry Shabaka Henley - Babatunde "Tunde" Olatunji
* Travis Wolfe Jr. - Dele Babatunde Adebambo
* Vernee Watson - Gloria Tyler
* Gina Yashere - Kemi
* Bayo Akinfemi - Goodwin Aderibigbe Olayiwola
* Anthony Okungbowa - Kofo Olanipekun

## External links

* Bob Hearts Abishola quotes at the Internet Movie Database