# JAG (season 8)

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JAG (1995–2005), is an American TV series about fictional events at the Navy's Judge Advocate General's Corps. JAG is an elite legal wing of officers trained as lawyers who investigate, prosecute and defend those accused of crimes in the military, including murder, treason and terrorism. Most of the stories focus on the highs and lows of Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., a hot-shot fighter pilot-turned lawyer who brings his fly-boy mentality to the courtroom, and Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, a tough, by-the-book Marine who often clashes with him, in and out of the courtroom.

### Critical Condition [8.1]

    (Mac is in her quarters, packing.)
    Mac: Who is it?
    Harm: Harm.
    Mac: Uh, just a second. (Quickly starts to get dressed.)
    Harm: Come on, Mac, what are you doing? Open up.
    Mac: Uh, packing.
    Harm: Well open up, let me help.
    Mac: I’m also dressing.
    Harm: I could help with that, too.
    [Bud is being airlifted out of Afghanistan after stepping on a land mine]
    Sgt. Manning: Petty officer, you can't go with them!
    Petty Officer Jennifer Coates: WATCH ME!
    (Coates stomach growls)
    Harm: When’s the last time you ate, Coates?
    Coates: I’m fine, sir.
    Harm: Why don’t you go down to the mess hall and grab something to eat?
    Coates: Sir, really, I’m not hungry.
    Harm: It’s not a suggestion, Petty Officer. It’s an order.
    (She doesn’t move)
    Harm: Are you not hearing me?
    Coates: Yes, sir. With all due respect sir, I’m wondering why you can disobey an order over your concern for Lt. Roberts and I can’t, sir?
    Mac: Why don’t we uh, eat in shifts, Coates? You go first and then you can relieve one of us. I’ll come for you if we hear anything.
    Coates: Sounds like a plan ma’am.
    (She leaves)
    Harm: You know what ticks me off?
    Mac: That she’s right?
    Harm: That she ignored me and listened to you.
    Mac: Marines have a command presence.
    Harm: Just once I'd like for you not to have a comeback.
    Mac: I don't have one for Bud dying.
    Harm: You're not gonna need one.
    Turner: I bet they toasted you in all three wardrooms after that stunt you pulled on Friday.
    Mac: You were on a sub. How'd you know Harm flew that mission?
    Turner: I heard a naval aviator got a cruise missile up his six and had to fly halfway to India to run it out of fuel. Only Superman, here, would be fool enough to pull a stunt like that.
    Harm: Yeah well, I bet Alec Baldwin would have nailed that sub before it launched a missile.
    Turner: Hey Harm--- we tried. That sub got a missile off just as we— Who told you about Alec Baldwin?
    Harm: Lieutenant Singer told everyone at JAG you convinced the action group that you were Alec Baldwin.
    Mac: Well, actually she said it was Sean Connery but Harriet knew who she meant.
    Harm: Yeah. Harriet e-mailed Bud, that's how we found out about it. But I'm sure with Singer's mouth, half of DC knows by now that you think you're Alec Baldwin.
    Mac: Or Sean Connery.
    Turner: I will strangle that Lieutenant when we get back.

### In Thin Air [8.5]

    Harm: Oh, I know that look. That’s not a good look. I’ve seen that look before.
    Mac: Is it that obvious?
    Harm: Never play strip poker.

### Ready or Not [8.8]

    Mac: Hey. Tiner’s brew has reached yet another octane level. Want some?
    Harm: I’m gonna go with the tea.
    Mac: Yeah.

### Friendly Fire [8.15]

    Commander Rabb: "That's quite a catch, that catch-22" (Lt. Col. Mackenzie is trying to have Harm removed as judge from a case)

### Ice Queen [8.21]

    Ducky: Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young woman I autopsied once.
    Gibbs: [looking at the body] When'd she die?
    Ducky: Oh, gosh, in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least 20 years ago. She was an assistant film editor and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto--
    Gibbs: [interrupting] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?
    Gibbs: Cause of death?
    Ducky: Well, it wasn't the arrow.
    Tony: [referring to the Caf Pow] Is that number 2 or 3 today?
    Abby: If you must know, it's number 4.
    Tony: [holds up evidence bag] I brought you a present.
    Abby: [smiles] And you wonder why you're still single.
    Tony: You redecorating?
    Abby: I thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.
    Tony: You take these?
    Abby: Yeah, that's a cross section of what a 12 gauge did to an L3 to L5.
    Tony: Shotgun-shattered backbone?
    Abby: Ya, the middle one there is a cross section of an icepick to a cerebellum.
    Tony: [grimaces, then looks at another picture] Duodenum?
    Abby: Yeah; I like to call it "Duodenum with a lye chaser". It's a sad end of a Drano drinker.
    Tony: You need to get out more, Abby.
    Abby: Is that an invite?
    Abby: [lifting a fingerprint for the victim's car] Let your fingers do the talking. [to Tony] Why'd they tow it?
    Tony: It was abandoned in a lot at Great Falls. Any of those finger prints big enough to be a man's?
    Abby: Yep. Whoever was riding shotgun.
    Tony: How fast can you run 'em?
    Abby: Usually about 12 hours, but for dinner...
    Tony: Get me an ID in two, and I'll make it Cafe Alantico.
    Abby: Sweet.
    [Gibbs and Rabb are in the interrogation room at NCIS headquarters]
    Gibbs: You're more comfortable asking questions than you're answering them.
    Rabb: Guess I'm not used to being a suspect.
    Gibbs: Suspect? You said you were a suspect. Have I read you your Article 31 rights?
    Rabb: No you haven't. Which means you're playing a very risky game, Gunny.
    Gibbs: I'm not smart enough to play risky games with a lawyer of your caliber, Rabb.
    Rabb: That's Commander Rabb. Or Commander. Or Sir, Gunny. I believe as a reservist, you're still technically in the Marine Corps.
    Gibbs: [calmly] I'm an NCIS special agent. I don't have to salute you or "sir" you or give you any military courtesy. But you know that. So who's playing the games here?
    [Silence]
    [Vivian is reading Rabb his rights]
    Rabb: I know my Article 31 rights, and I waive them.
    [she continues reading them]
    Rabb: I said I waive them.
    Gibbs: She used to be FBI.

### Meltdown [8.22]

    Rabb: There are enough holes in this case to raise reasonable doubt.
    Lt. Cmdr. Coleman: There is also enough evidence to tie you to the murders and a string of witnesses. Your colleagues will testify to angry words between you and Lieutenant Singer right up to the time of her death.
    Rabb: Well, it could be worse, I guess.
    Coleman: How?
    Rabb: I could not have an alibi.
    Coleman: [in annoyance] You have an alibi?
    Rabb: No.
    [Ducky is telling his findings in court]
    Major McBurney: What else did you discover?
    Ducky: On her left buttock, I found a tattoo of a stalking leopard. Majestic. Brilliant. I've only seen one other like it: on a tango dancer in Buenos Aires who died of dehydration. I was on sabbatical at the ti--
    McBurney: [interrupts] Doctor, I was asking about Lieutenant Singer.
    Ducky: She wasn't in Buenos Aires...
    Coleman: Doctor isn't it possible that the LT's injuries were a result of an accidental fall?
    Ducky: [very seriously] Well the railing is very high. It's quite unlikely. Unless the LT's unconscious body levitated and dropped over the side. I've heard--
    Coleman: [cutting him off] Thank you Doctor.
    [after finding Commander Rabb's name on the hat]
    Abby: If the hat does fit, you can't acquit.
    [both lawyers give Abby a funny look]
    Abby: Oh, come on; one of you would have said it if you had thought of it first.
    Vivian: I'm sorry, I almost blew it.
    Gibbs: [disapprovingly] Almost?
    Tony: I still like you.

### Lawyers, Guns and Money [8.23]

    Meredith: I have three questions for you. Answer them yes or no.
    AJ: Okay.
    Meredith: Were you trying to propose to me at the restaurant?
    AJ: Yes.
    Meredith: And at your house?
    AJ: Yes.
    Meredith: Do you have a ring?
    AJ: Yes.
    Meredith: May I see it?
    AJ: Yes. (Searching his pockets.) Yes.
    Meredith: Say it any way you want.
    AJ: Would you be interested in spending the rest of your life with a grumpy, sourpuss of an old man?
    Meredith: Especially when you put it that way.

### A Tangled Webb, Part 1 [8.24]

    PO Coates: My father was a minister...he kind of soured me on God.
    Lt. Simms: Maybe you should give him another chance.
    PO Coates: I'm not really interested in patching things up with my Dad.
    Lt. Simms: That's not the 'Him' I was talking about.