# Dharma & Greg

Dharma & Greg (1997-2002) was an American sitcom about a mismatched married couple. It starred Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson in the title roles. In April 2002, ABC ended the series after 5 seasons.

## Season 1 (1997-1998)
### Pilot [1.1]

    [First lines in the series]
    Young Dharma: Leo, Sagittarius, and Aries.
    Abby O'Neil: Very good. Now the water signs.
    Young Dharma: Pisces, Scorpio... Abby, look. Policemen.
    Larry Finkelstein: And what do we say to policemen?
    Young Dharma: I have a Fourth Amendment right prohibiting you from conducting an unreasonable search.
    Larry Finkelstein: [offering her the "down low" hand slap] Yeah. Give me some skin.

### And The In-Laws Meet [1.2]

    Greg: It's raining. We're not going to sleep in the rain, are we?
    Dharma: No, silly, you don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain.
    Greg: Ah. What if there's lightning?
    Dharma: Then you get to be on top.
    Dharma: He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout.
    Larry: It's a para-military organization with cookies.
    Larry: Next thing you know, she'll get a social security number.
    Dharma: I got one.
    Larry: What? Why?
    Dharma: I opened a checking account.
    Larry: Are you insane? You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere.
    Greg: Who's "they"?
    Larry: You.

### And Then There's The Wedding [1.4]

    [Before Dharma and Greg's wedding]
    Dharma: Can you see me?
    Greg: Yes.
    Dharma: Oh, I totally misunderstood that groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing.
    [Kitty comes in]
    Kitty: What are you doing here? You can't see her in her dress!
    Dharma: See, that's what I thought!
    Abby: Larry, did you eat meat?
    Larry: No.
    Abby: You ate meat. I can smell it.
    Larry: That's my tongue. It's made of meat.
    Kitty: Look! Look at these! They're awful!
    Edward: They're just flowers. Nobody cares.
    Kitty: And by "nobody", you mean "you".
    Edward: Yes.
    Kitty: Well, let me tell you something, Edward. Everybody cares. And by "everybody" I mean "me". I care, Edward. That is my job in this family. I care. I care at every Christmas dinner. I care at every business function. I care everytime that maid puts a meal down in front of you. And for some reason or other, you don't seem to notice.
    Edward: All right, all right. Here's the checkbook.
    Kitty: Thank you, Thank you, Edward. I will tuck this away in the gaping void that was once my soul.
    Edward: Don't lose the pen this time.

### The First Thanksgiving [1.10]

    Kitty: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be me.
    Dharma: Kitty where's the potato masher
    Kitty: I told you I gave her the day off

### Old Yeller [1.14]

    Dharma: Honey.. I love you, but bite me.

### The Cat's Out Of The Bag [1.20]

    Dharma: What's going on?
    Greg: Well there is no pretty way to say this but my father picked up a woman who robbed him and left him tied to a bed in a hotel room...
    Pete: Hey buddy, take it easy on him it can be pretty upsetting the first time.
    Kitty: (Reads Fortune Cookie) True wealth is measured in friendships. Oh nonsense

### Much Ado During Nothing [1.22]

    Kitty: What is it ?
    Greg: It's a duck.
    Ed: That's not a duck, it's a goose.
    Dharma: Yes, but captain, my captain, goose does not rhyme...

### Invasion Of The Buddy Snatcher [1.23]

    Roger: Dharma do you have anything for a headache ?
    Dharma: Why what's the matter ?
    Roger: I have a headache...
    Dharma: Well Roger that's just a symptom, I mean usually there is an emotional problem that goes along with a physical illness...
    Roger: Yeah, aspirin, ibuprofen...
    Dharma: Loneliness, depression, anger...
    Pete: So it doesn't bother you that your wife is talking to Stuart about his...well you know ?
    Greg: You can say impotence.
    Pete: No you can't ! Cause if you say it, you think it and if you think it you got it !
    Larry: I can not endorse by my actions any system that places one human being in servitude to an other.

## Season 2 (1998-1999)
### Ringing Up Baby [2.1]

    Greg: Pete, she's having a baby !
    Pete: Yeah but she's giving it to you !
    Greg: No, she's not !
    Pete: Hey how long after they have the kid do they keep making milk ?
    Greg: Seek professional help you are ill.
    Greg: We'll get her things and we'll go to the hospital.
    Dharma: Why she's not sick ?!
    Greg: Dharma, people have babies in hospitals
    Dharma: Yeah, I know isn't it horrible ?
    Kitty: You're not going to take this girl to a hospital ?
    Aby: Why, she's not sick !
    Greg: Mother, maybe you could give her a hand ?
    Kitty: Oh I don't know anything about childbirth !
    Greg: What do you mean, you had me ?
    Kitty: Oh Gregory don't be vulgar !

### It Takes a Village [2.2]

    Greg: Who are all this people ?
    Abby: Oh they're gonna help us with the baby.
    Greg: Why ?
    Dharma: Because it takes a village to raise a child Greg.
    Greg: It does ?
    Kitty: And, I realised that my true destiny was to be the matriarch of a large powerfull family. Like the Kennedys. But not catholic.
    Dharma: So why didn't you had a lot of kids ?
    Kitty: I couldn't have any more after Gregory
    Dharma: Oh really I'm sorry... Why ?
    Kitty: It hurt too bad.

### Turn Turn Turn [2.3]

    Kitty: Edward tell him.
    Edward: What happened to "shut up and drive"?
    Kitty: Oh please ! You mean your gonna get my grandson drunk and perform a surgery on him in the living room ?
    Abby: You know, look frankly, Kitty I don't believe in circumcision either, but when it comes to penises Larry is very Jewish.
    Dharma: Picture how incredible would have been high school if your mother had sat you down and taught you how to please a woman ?
    Greg: Thanks for that picture honey I may never have sex again...

### See Dharma Run [2.16]

    Greg: Are you sure you're ok ?
    Pete: Yeah, I'm fine...
    Greg: What's going on with you and that girl, what's her name, Eileene ?
    Pete: There is no Eileen... I made her up
    Greg: But... You said you met her parents, and that they hated you ?
    Pete: They would have...
    Jane: What's new?
    Pete: My life is empty and has no meaning.
    Jane: I asked you what's new.
    Larry: Don't touch their money Dharma, it's a deal with the devil.
    Kitty: Are you calling us the devil ?
    Larry: You only want her elected so she'll wage war to support your military-industrial complex !
    Greg: San Francisco Board of Supervisors does not wage war...
    Larry: Of course not, they send the young boys ! Where have all the flowers gone, answer me that !
    Ed: You smoked them, Finklestein.

### The Dating Game [2.24]
## Season 3 (1999-2000)
## Season 5 (2001-2002)
### The Mamas and the Papas [5.23/24]

    [Last lines in the series]

## Cast

* Jenna Elfman - Dharma Freedom Montgomery, née Finkelstein
* Thomas Gibson - Gregory "Greg" Clifford Montgomery
* Susan Sullivan - Katherine "Kitty" Montgomery
* Mitchell Ryan - Edward Montgomery
* Mimi Kennedy - Abigail Kathleen "Abby" O'Neil
* Alan Rachins - Myron Lawrence "Larry" Finkelstein
* Shae D'Lyn - Jane Deaux
* Joel Murray - Peter James "Pete" Cavanaugh

## External links

* Dharma & Greg quotes at the Internet Movie Database