# Mind Your Language

Mind Your Language (1977-1986) is a British comedy television series set in a school for mature students and focuses on the English as a Second Language class.

## Series 1
### The First Lesson [1.1]

    Mr Brown: There will be no throat-slicing in my class! If you want to do that sort of thing, you should have joined the Sports in Pastimes.
    Danielle: I come to learn English. Have I come to the right place?

### An Inspector Calls [1.2]

    Mr Brown: I was engaged once. Matter of fact, I proposed marriage, but it didn't really work out. There was quite a lot of opposition.
    Miss Courtney: Her father?
    Mr Brown: No, her husband. I didn't realise she was married at the time.

### A Fate Worse Than Death [1.3]

    Ranjeet: Excuse me, missy. This lady, is she resembling an elephant?
    Miss Courtney: I wouldn't exactly put it like that, but she is rather large.
    Ranjeet: Blimey, it is Surinder!
    Gladys: I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.
    Mr Brown: With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.

### All Through the Night [1.4]

    Mr Brown: (holds up lime juice) Giovanni?
    Giovanni: Lime juice.
    Mr Brown: (holds up milk) Juan?
    Juan: Cow juice.
    Mr Brown: Milk.
    Miss Courtney: Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?
    Juan: Si, señora... the milkman!
    Max: Danielle should wave from window all by herself.
    Mr Brown: She still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention.
    Max: It would if she took her clothes off!

### The Best Things in Life [1.5]

    Ali: You are changing your tune! When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, you are being my bloody brother.
    Ranjeet: That is before I'm finding out you are bloody stupid!
    Ali: Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon!
    Mr Brown: Quiet the pair of you and sit down. (to Ali) I presume you're staying now, Ali.
    Ali: I'm staying now, yes.

### Come Back All is Forgiven [1.6]

    Mr Brown: Well, how would you pronounce "F-I-T"?
    Ranjeet: Fit!
    Juan: Si señor, one right fit, one left fit!
    Mr Brown: No, Juan!

### The Cheating Game [1.7]

    Ali: I want to hear you say: "All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons".
    Ranjeet: If I am saying that, you'll be lending me 10p?
    Ali: If you are saying that, I will be giving you 10p.
    Ranjeet: Very well. All Muslims are nice, kind and wonderful persons.
    Ali: Jolly good. (hands him the 10p)
    Ranjeet: There's only one thing: all Sikhs are very big liars!
    Mr Brown: Where are you going?
    Giovanni: We go to spend 2p.
    Mr Brown: The phrase is "spend a penny".
    Giovanni: Sure. I spend a penny, he spend a penny; we spend 2p.

### Better to Have Loved and Lost [1.8]

    Ranjeet: Please, I am having a very funny thought. He is Pakistani, she is Chinese. If they have a baby, it will be Pakinese!
    Ali: How dare you! I'm teaching you not to be insulting! You ignorant son of a bearded poof!
    Ranjeet: Come on! You brainless offspring of a camel!

### Hello, Sailor [1.10]

    Mr Brown: Ali, I?
    Ali: You are what?
    Mr Brown: A word beginning with the letter I
    Ali: Infidel
    Ranjeet: Are you meaning me?
    Ali: Yes, please
    Mr Brown (to Ranjeet): Sit down! Ranjeet, J
    Ranjeet: Jackass
    Ali: Are you meaning me?
    Ranjeet: Most definitely!
    Ali: I knock your damn turban off you monkey face!
    Giovanni: Max, what's the opposite to "bitter"?
    Max: Lotta
    Giovanni: That's not right
    Max: Sure it is! Opposite of bitter money is lotta money
    Mr Brown: Juan, does Boris speak any English?
    Juan: I teach him a little
    Mr Brown: Well, good. Why do you wish to leave Russia?
    Boris: Por favore?
    Mr Brown: I see you speak English as well as Juan does
    Mr Brown: Think of a word that describes you.
    Ali: Stupid
    Ranjeet: Don't you call me stupid, you half-witted Pakistani popadom!
    Ali: Don't you call me Pakistani popadom you brown chapati!

### How's Your Father? [1.12]

    Ranjeet: And then came the Muslims!
    Ali: Don't you call me ape you son of a cross-eyed goat!
    Mr Brown: Quiet the pair of you! If I have any more trouble, you both stay behind for extra study.

### The Examination [1.13]

    Ranjeet: I'm winning the jackpot!
    Ali: That is my winnings!
    Ranjeet: How can they be your winnings? I am putting the money, 10p in.
    Ali: There is your 10p.
    Ranjeet: Take your dirty hands off my money!
    Ali: That is my money, you bearded bandit!

## Series 2
### All Present if not Correct [2.1]

    Jamila: I sit at backside with Tarō.
    Mr Brown: No, Jamila. You will sit at the back. Backside is what you sit on.
    Jamila: (chuckles) Oh, no, master-jī. What I sit on is chair!
    Ingrid: Swedish girl are the beautifullest.
    Danielle: (rolls eyes) Trouble with Swedish girl: they are too big in ze bosom.
    Ingrid: French woman too big in the mouth.

### Queen for a Day [2.2]

    Miss Courtney: Sidney, go and sweep the school yard!
    Sid: I swept it up once.
    Miss Courtney: Well, sweep it again!
    Sid: You wouldn't like me to go down on me 'ands and knees and scrub it, would ya?
    Miss Courtney: Don't be ridiculous! It wouldn't dry before they arrived!
    Mr Brown: Shall I ask Gladys to make up a couple of ham rolls, in case they feel a bit peckish?
    Miss Courtney: Ham rolls?! You can't give royalty ham rolls! This is a very special occasion! Tell her to open a tin of salmon.

### Don't Forget the Driver [2.5]

    Mr Brown: (points to the window) What is that?
    Zoltán: Door.
    Mr Brown: Window. (then points to the door)
    Zoltán: Ah, door!
    Mr Brown: Good.
    Enter Miss Courtney
    Zoltán: Crumpet!

### A Hard Day's Night [2.6]

    Miss Courtney: If someone were to stop you in the street and ask you the time, what would you say?
    Jamila looks at her watch and replies in Punjabi
    Miss Courtney: That wouldn't help them.
    Jamila: Oh, yes. In my street, it's all Indian peoples.

## Series 3
### I Belong to Glasgow [3.1]

    Mr Brown: Mr MacGregor is from Scotland, which is part of Great Britain. Great Britain is comprised of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
    Juan: No.
    Mr Brown: What do you mean, "no"?
    Juan: No whales in England. Whales in the sea!

### Who Loves Ya Baby? [3.2]

    Giovanni: (admiring Danielle) Holy ravioli! For what I'm thinking now, I could be excommunicated.
    Juan: I was excommunicated five minutes ago!

### No Flowers By Request [3.3]

    Mr Brown: Where does the term "Gladstone bag" come from?
    Max: Mrs Gladstone.

### Just the Job [3.4]

    Mr Wilkins: (to Danielle) Explain the meaning of the phrase "to bury the hatchet".
    Danielle: To chop someone's 'ead off.
    Mr Wilkins: You. (points to Giovanni) Complete the following proverb: "People who live in glass houses..."
    Giovanni: "...should get undressed in the dark."

### What a Tangled Web [3.8]

    Mr Brown: Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage is "in-law", as in "brother-in-law", and not, as you put, "outlaw".
    Giovanni: It's the same thing.
    Mr Brown: It is not the same thing. An outlaw is a bandit.
    Giovanni: So's my brother-in-law!
    Miss Courtney: Oh, you're wearing a black tie, Sidney.
    Sid: Yeah, I'm in mourning. 28 years to the day it happened.
    Miss Courtney: Oh dear. The death of a loved one?
    Sid: Nah, I got married.
    Miss Courtney: You're a real male chauvinist pig.
    Sid: Pardon?
    Miss Courtney: Pig.
    Sid: Oh, you've met the wife, have you?

## Cast

* Barry Evans – Jeremy Brown (English teacher)
* Zara Nutley – Dolores Courtney (principal)
* Dino Shafeek – Ali Nadim (Pakistani pupil)
* George Camiller – Giovanni Capello (Italian pupil)
* Kevork Malikyan – Maximillian Papandrious (Greek pupil)
* Jamila Massey – Jamila Ranjha (Indian pupil)
* Françoise Pascal – Danielle Favre (French pupil)
* Albert Moses – Ranjeet Singh (Punjabi pupil)
* Pik-Sen Lim – Chung Su-Lee (Chinese pupil)
* Robert Lee – Tarō Nagazumi (Japanese pupil)
* Ricardo Montez – Juan Cervantes (Spanish pupil)
* Jacki Harding – Anna Schmidt (German pupil)
* Gabor Vernon – Zoltan Szabo (Hungarian pupil)
* Anna Bergman – Ingrid Svenson (Swedish pupil)
* Iris Sadler – Gladys the tea lady
* Tommy Godfrey – Sid the caretaker

## External links

* Mind Your Language quotes at the Internet Movie Database