# Beetlejuice (TV series)

Beetlejuice is an animated television series loosely based on the Beetlejuice film, and ran from 1989 to 1991.

## Beetlejuice

* It's showtime!
* Hi, how are ya?
* Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me.
* (Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!
* (After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!
* I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!
* It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!
* Don't ya hate it when that happens?
* The last laugh, you know I love it!
* Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!
* Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!
* If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!
* (asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!
* Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!
* Now here's something you don't see everyday.
* So long, suckers!
* Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs.
* Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later.
* So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball.
* Responsibility, you know I hate it!
* Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…
* NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!
* Check this out... a mid-summer night scream.
* Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up.
* She's got to be outta my mind by now.
* Hey, they can't keep us apart.
* Got you, babes!
* Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me.
* Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!
* What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?
* Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!
* SANDWORM!
* Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!
* When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!
* NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)
* HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)
* We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!
* Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)
* I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!
* (to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite.
* Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh..

## Lydia Deetz

       Though I know I should be wary
       Still I venture someplace scary
       Ghostly haunting I turn loose.
       Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE!
* Deadly Vu!
* Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!
* Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?
* (referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!
* Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?
* I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it.
* Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ.
* They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!
* They say 'practice makes pukey'!
* Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!
* Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree.
* Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep... thank goodness.
* That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!
* Miss Shannon, can I be excused?
* Beetlejuice, have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?
* Romeo, don't step on my spiders!
* I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!

## Delia "Mama" Deetz

* You like it!
* Don't be ridiculous, Charles!
* Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused.
* Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?
* Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man.
* That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman.
* Well, pay the man, Charles.

## Charles "Chuck" Deetz

* What is that thing?
* Lydia, dinner!
* Lydia, go to your room, right now!
* Sweety, I'm home.
* Being nervous makes me nervous!
* It's the whole darn town!

## Mr. Monitor

* Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!
* Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!
* Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings.
* All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!

## Bartholomew Batt

* Yuk! That's Disgustin'!
* Did I win or did I lose?
* Nyah - ha - ha - haa!
* Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!
* That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head.

## Little Miss Warden

* That wasn't very cute!
* Wanna buy some cookies!
* Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

## Doomie

* Beep! Beep! Beep!

## Jacques LaLean

* Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?
* Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!
* Sacre Bleu!
* Alouette jogging Alouette...
* Are you Beeeeetlejuice?
* It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth.

## Scuzzo the Clown

* Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?
* Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?
* Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!
* Food fight!
* Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
* Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!

## Lipscum

* What is your favourite color? Tell me!
* Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?
* What is your name? Answer me!
* Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!
* Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?

## Captain Kidder

* Ba dum-bum!
* Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed.
* Cross the river bridge, mate.

## Prudence/Prune

* What do you mean the library's closed?
* That's not funny, Claire.
* Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?
* You're getting dangerous, kid!
* But Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette.
* Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good.
* I've always wanted to be a rock star!
* Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework.

## Claire Brewster

* Looks like the best girl won, honey.
* I am going to get that Lydia Deetz.
* Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!
* Shut up! I am not a sore loser.
* Well, you can find yourself another Julia.
* Like, aren't I just the most?
* What kind of a name is BEETLEJUICE?
* I mean, really have you ever heard of such a ridiculous name as Beetlejuice?
* Like, thanks for the invitation, Lydia. Perhaps the ingroup and I will drop by your party early, for a good laugh.
* Anyone who isn't in your group.

## Percy

* Miaow!
* Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!

## Miss Shannon

* All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten.
* Can I help you, Prudence?
* Now off to your classes, ladies.
* I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night.
* Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell.
* How improper.
* Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends.

## Judge Mental

* Beetleguts! You're fired!
* Would you please stand on that X over there?
* Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!
* What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever.
* If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!

## Bertha/Burp

* Gross!
* Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!
* What's so funny?!
* Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!
* Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party.
* Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?
* Put a sock in it, you idiot!
* Is there anything new other than comic books?
* Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage.

## Funny scenes

    Lydia: (miserably) No one understands me.
    Beetlejuice: What am I garbage?
    Lydia: (smiles) You wish!
    Lydia: (after arriving to Tombstone, Scarazona) I Love this town! Does it have a saloon?
    Beetlejuice: (in Western Clothes) Not in this time slot, babes!
    Bully the Crud: (after Beetlejuice stops his "wedding" to Lydia) Nobody cuts off MY nuptuals and gets away with it!!!
    [When Lydia and Beetlejuice are laughing after he successfully pranked Claire Brewster.]
    Lydia: Beetlejuice, you're terrible!
    Beetlejuice: Awww, thanks, babes!
    Bertha: Hey, where's Betty?
    Lydia: She had to leave. Her mother was calling her.
    Bertha: Calling her what? (Bertha and Prudence snicker.)
    [When Lydia wishes she had a car]
    Lydia: In the Neitherworld I could drive myself crazy.
    Beetlejuice: In the Neitherworld you can drive us both crazy... of course for me it's a much shorter trip!
    [When Lydia has to go on vacation with her parents]
    Lydia: (hugs him) Oh, Beetlejuice! If we can't be together this summer, I'll scream!
    Beetlejuice: Scream anyway, babes. I like having that effect on people!
    [When Claire is making a speech to run for class president.]
    Bertha: Did you hear that? She called us creepy!
    Betty Juice: I don't care how much she flatters us. She's not getting my vote!
    [When Beetlejuice pranked Lydia's parents after he promised he wouldn't anymore]
    Beetlejuice: Ah, what's so important about keeping a... uh... what'd you call it again?
    Lydia: (furious) A PROMISE! And it's important to me! Beetlejuice, I want you to say you're sorry.
    Beetlejuice: You're sorry.
    Lydia: Beetlejuice! Just say it!
    Beetlejuice: It.
    Beetlejuice: (to the audience) Rules, there ought to be a law against 'em.
    Goody Two Shoes: And another thing, Mr. Beetlejuice... NO TALKING TO CAMERA!
    [When Goody Two Shoes has made the Neitherworld a sickly sweet place.]
    Lydia: It's like we're trapped in some... nightmare!!
    (She, Beetlejuice, Jacques and Ginger scream in horror)
    Beetlejuice: WAIT A MINUTE! I forget, what're we screaming for again?
    (Everyone looks down at their horrible cutesy clothes.)
    Beetlejuice: Oh... yeah. YAAARRGGGHHHH!
    [When Beetlejuice temporarily lived with the Deetzs' disguised as a dog.]
    Lydia: Thanks for being Mom's best friends for a while.
    Beetlejuice: Hey, she's the only one that's ever spent all night looking for me... who wasn't a police officer!
    TruAnt Officer: Your licence to drive people crazy is hereby suspended.
    Beetlejuice: On what grounds?
    TruAnt Officer: On the grounds that you NEVER FINISHED SCHOOL!!!!!!
    Beetlejuice: Oh. School grounds.
    Lydia: (laughing) Oh, Beetlejuice. You always know how to crack me up!
    Beetlejuice: Yeah, I always bring down the house.
    [When Beetlejuice and Lydia disguise themselves as witches]
    Lydia: How do I look?
    Beetlejuice: Fabulously freaky, I must say! And how about moi?
    Lydia: (laughing) Gorgeously ghastly!
    [Lydia receives a phone call from the Neither World.]
    Neither World Operator: This is the Neither World Operator. I have an emergency call from a Mr. Beetlejuice. Will you accept the charge?
    Lydia: Yes, Operator. I'll accept the charge.
    [She screams as she receives an electrical shock.]
    Neither World Operator: Now that that's out of the way, will you also pay for the call?
    Lydia: YES!!
    [When Lydia is forced to join the Happy Face Girls]
    Lydia: (miserably) Tell me the truth, Beetlejuice. How do I look?
    Beetlejuice: You look pretty as a picture, neat as a pin, cute as a button, soooo there! (Bursts out laughing.)
    Lydia: (annoyed) That's right, go ahead and laugh.
    Beetlejuice: Ok. (Falls to the floor in a laughing fit.)
    Beetlejuice's father: Junior! When are you gonna get a job?
    Beetlejuice: I have a job, Pops. I'm a waiter... I wait around for people to gimme their money!
    [When Lydia tries to stop Beetlejuice hurting a monster, who initially kidnapped Lydia until she made friends with it.]
    Beetlejuice: Don't worry, Babes! I'll save you from that overgrown zoo exhibit!
    Lydia: Beetlejuice!
    Beetlejuice: Don't try to talk, Lyds. Save your strength!
    Lydia: Thing Thong is my friend.
    Beetlejuice: Oh, no, she's delerious.
    Lydia: Beetlejuice, I'm perfectly fine! And he's definitely my friend!
    Beetlejuice: Friend?! That ugly thing?!
    Lydia: He's not ugly, he's beautiful!
    Beetlejuice: I don't get it, Lyds. You see something beautiful?
    Lydia: Well... I think you're beautiful.
    Beetlejuice: (Disgusted) YUCK! EURGH! YUCK! (Big eyes) D'you really think so?
    Lydia: Uh-huh.
    Beetlejuice: YUCK! EURGH!
    Lydia: Locked deep in Goody's self conscious is this need to correct, to adjust, to regulate.
    Beetlejuice: Er, babes, you're psychoanalysing the antagonist again.
    [When Lydia decides it's safer for Beetlejuice to watch the stage show from the Neither World after she accidently sends him there.]
    Lydia: Sorry, Beetlejuice.
    Claire: (Overhearing) Beetlejuice?!
    Beetlejuice: That's my name! Go ahead! Wear it out! Wear it out!
    Claire: That is the most disgusting word I've ever heard! Beetlejuice?!
    Beetlejuice: Now say it one more time, ya stuck up little ham!
    Claire: Eurgh, only Lydia could come up with something as totally gross as... as...
    Beetlejuice: SAY IT!!
    Claire: ... Beetlejuice...
    Beetlejuice: (emerging into the real world) It's show time!
    [When Uncle Clyde is doing ventriloquism.]
    Uncle Clyde: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Beetlejuice: (to Lydia) This guy oughta throw his voice... out!
    (Uses his magic on the dummy and his voice comes out of it.)
    Dummy: (with Beetlejuice's voice) Wanna know why the chicken crossed the road? COZ HE WAS PINNED TO THE PUNK ROCKER'S EAR! THAT'S WHY!
    [When Lydia's family are dancing to music.]
    Lydia: They look like they're having fun, but it's just your magic.
    Beetlejuice: That's how much you know, babes. I stopped using my magic twenty seconds ago.
    Beetlejuice: Your relatives sure are a bunch of wakkos!
    Lydia: I'd like to meet some of your wakko relatives! Your parents have got to be totally freaky and gross!
    Beetlejuice: I wish! My Mom and Dad are so dull their pictures are in the Neitherworld dictionary... next to the word 'boring'!
    [When Lydia, Bertha, Prudence and Beetlejuice- as Betty Juice are preparing for their rock band.]
    Lydia: (to Prudence) First, I'll tease your hair.
    Beetlejuice: Let me tease it, Lyds. Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah, Neeah! You call yourself hair! You look more like a red hat!
    [When Beetlejuice pops out of Lydia's desk drawer as a jack-in-the box.]
    Beetlejuice: Pop goes the beetle! (Laughs.)
    Lydia: (Yawns) Really, Beetlejuice. This Scary Fools Day stuff is so childish... good thing I'm still a child.
    [When Lydia dresses as a Sandworm in attempt to scare Beetlejuice.]
    Beetlejuice: Nice try, Lyds! I'll give you an Eeeeee, for 'effort'!
    Lydia: Humph! I have not yet begun to fright!
    Beetlejuice: You could let me move back into that filthy dump you live in.
    Ginger: But ya gotta promise to stop being a good neighbour.
    Beetlejuice: Neighbours! I'm home!
    Jacques: Oui, oui. Stop trying to be something you are not. Just be your old tummy-turning self.
    [When Merlin challenges Beetlejuice to a jousting tournament.]
    Beetlejuice: A joust? A joust? Surely you jest. It would be an unjust gesture for a jester to joust. A jester just jests. Get the gist?
    Merlin: Only just...
    [When Beetlejuice is running for Mayor.]
    Beetlejuice: And unlike my opponent who will lie and make promises he won't keep, I'll tell you right upfront that I won't keep any of my promises!
    Spooky: Why does everyone think I'm spooky?
    Beetlejuice: Ah, humans are the weirdest people. Most of them think I'm spooky too.
    Spooky: Really? I guess they just don't see you as the generous, tender-hearted being you are.
    Beetlejuice: No need to insult me, bark face.
    Lydia: Beetlejuice!
    Beetlejuice: Lyds! This is no time to panic!
    Lydia: Then when is?!
    Beetlejuice:..... NOW!!