# Boy on a Stick and Slither

Boy on a Stick and Slither is a webcomic by Steven L. Cloud.

## Strips 1-50

    Slither: I bet if you spit on Mick Jagger you'd get on MTV news.
    "Fame"
    Boy: What if fish had external genitalia. Visualize that. I bet there'd be a lot more aquariums.
    "The Fishes"
    Boy: What do you think is the biggest problem facing snakes today?
    Slither: Eating our young, probably.
    Boy: Oh? What do they taste like?
    Slither: They're delicious.
    "Problems"
    Boy: Things work out for the best, don't they?
    Slither: No.
    Boy: What goes around comes around. Right?
    Slither: Depends.
    Boy: People never change, do they?
    Slither: I've known people who've changed.
    Boy: Cuts like a knife but feels so right?
    Slither: Oh, yeah.
    "True-ism"
    Boy: What to know the number one complaint of Mr. T's housekeeper?
    Slither: All the gold.
    Boy: Nope. All the pity.
    "Mr T."
    Boy: Make it unboring.
    Slither: I can't.
    "Ennui"
    Boy: What kind of guards do they have at hermaphrodite prison?
    Slither: Understanding.
    "Prison"
    Boy: You know the worst part of war?
    Slither: What?
    Boy: Cleaning up after the bombs.
    "War"
    Slither: Why don't you comb your hair?
    Boy: I don't oppress any part of my body.
    "Hair"
    Boy: I don't like flap-jacks because I imagine they taste like skin.
    "Flap-Jacks"
    Boy: Pickles are rotted cucumbers.
    "Colloquialism"

## Strips 51-100

    Boy: It's a simple fact.
    Slither: If your home stinks it's less valuable.
    Boy: Protect your investment.
    Slither: Dispose of dead bodies.
    "Home-Owner's Forum"
    Boy: Listen to logic and reason like a scientist does and take advantage of this sale.
    "Savings"
    Boy: There's wisdome in the eye of a puppy, but the tooth of a cat has a point.
    "Old-Timey Sayings"
    Boy: Food in the mouth is different in the belly.
    "Old-Timey Sayings"
    Boy: Smell.//How doth you, smell?//I liken thee to an angel//Only my nose can see.//Smell.
    "Ode To Smell"
    Boy: We're here to help...
    Slither: ...you.
    Boy: Don't spill poison on a baby.
    Slither: A baby's skin is sensitive.
    Boy: Don't feed the baby alligator meat.
    Slither: It's a medical fact.
    Boy: Don't let the baby play with spears.
    Slither: Spears are never a good idea.
    "Your Baby's Health"
    Boy: The older they get, the more Tina Turner and Rod Stewart look like each other.
    "Coincidene"
    Slither: Avoid all germs.
    Boy: Just drink some orange juice.
    Slither: And hope for the best.
    "Germs"
    Boy: You mean you're a realist.
    Slither: I just say what I think...you can call it what you want.
    Boy: I'm going to call it Donny.
    "Genuine Article"
    Boy: You're not old until you're a 76 year old Hawaiian woman. Statistically speaking.
    "Oldie"
    Boy: The mints of today are far superior to the mints of yesteryear.
    Slither: It's amazing. Our children's breath will be fresher than we can imagine...and more powerful than our ancestors could have dreamed.
    "Minty Fresh"

## Strips 101-150

    Cobra: (Sitting next to a garden hose) I married beneath me.
    "Evolution"
    Take heed: After the Apocalypse TICKETS will be our currency!
    "Arcade Rules"
    Boy: I'm gonna get a tatoo that says, "If found, return to God."
    Slither: Why?
    Boy: Free ticket to Heaven, brother!
    "Tatoo You"
    Slither: I think if old people used candy canes instead of real canes, people would like them more.
    "The Elderly"
    Boy: The perfect person would share. The perfect person can dance.
    Slither: The perfect person doesn't make racist jokes.
    Boy: Nope. The perfect person is undeniably classy.
    Slither: The perfect person is pleasantly mediocre.
    "The Perfect Person"
    Slither: I hate it when celebrities who aren't famous anymore try to advertise for charities.
    "Celebrity"
    Slither: If you're a vet, the best thing that could happen to you is that you'd get to recommend a pet food on TV. I mean, for, like, that one time...their opinion really matters.
    "Veterinarians"
    Boy: Mix tapes are the currency of nerds.
    "Hickey Chick"
    Slither: God is dead.
    Boy: Nietzsche is dead.
    Slither: Touche.
    Slither: But seriously, God is dead.
    "Philosophy"
    Slither: You will die, die, die//In a very heinous way.//I'm gladdened by death.
    "Things That Cheer You Up"
    Slither's Tooth: Kid, if I wasn't low on venom, you'd be so full of poison right now.
    "Nancy Come Home"
    Boy: It's easy to over-do it with the mummy wrap.
    Slither: At a certain point, it's just not scary anymore.
    "Kid's Tip"

## Strips 151-200

    Boy: Here are some bands we'd like to see...
    Slither: "Vibrating Bread"...for an indie-rock band.
    Boy: "3rd World Gum Tree"...punk, maybe...and "Vodkatronick; The Ultimate Mixer". I'm thinking D.J.
    Slither: No, duh.
    "Bands"
    Boy: The 1940's were characterized by people's love of ice-cream and fascination with owls!
    "Time War"
    Boy: Do you want to play, "Find the Septic Tank"?
    "Shtick"
    Boy: You know if the American flag was prettier everybody wouldn't burn it as much. I mean, nobody burns the Gay flag. It's a pretty rainbow. Who would burn a rainbow? Nobody.
    "Patriotism"
    Boy: All memories form in the brain, and we all remember the big events in our lives.
    Slither: Like a parent's berating.
    Boy: But it's also important to remember some mundane moments.
    Slither: Right now, for instance.
    Boy: Round out your memory.
    Slither: It's all you got.
    "Kid's Tip"
    Slither: What does Australia have to offer us besides men who evasively taunt crocodiles? I mean, we got THAT in Florida.
    "Australia"
    Boy: Would you like to borrow my "Paul's Boutique" CD?
    Snake: No. I have a copy.
    Boy: Crap! I'm training for the Sharing World Championship.
    "Sharing"
    Boy: May 1970. I found this signed Joe Montana 49'ers jersey in the jungles of Vietnam.
    Slither: Joe wasn't drafted until 1979, making this item the rarest of all gems.
    "Antique Fortunes"
    Boy: Want to hear about my dream?
    Slither: No.
    Boy: Like, I was in this white room with no exits. Just this switch that didn't do anything, and I just kept flicking it...until it broke. The dream got boring after that.
    "Impossible Dream"
    Slither: Turns out he was allergic to my venom.
    Boy: HAHAHA! Really?!
    Slither: I was like, DOCTOR, HEAL THYSELF!
    "The Dentist"
    Boy: It's probably okay to kill mosquitos.
    Slither: Probably.
    "Home Remedies"
    Mr. Money: I'm arbitrary.
    "New Characters"

## Strips 201-250

    Boy: Do you think God should be taught in schools?
    Slither: No way. Why would God want to be associated with school? School sucks, man.
    "Play It Cool"
    Boy: Everyone should be unique.
    Slither: Everyone IS unique.
    Boy: Well, they should be.
    Slither: They have no choice in the matter.
    Boy: Nor should they.
    "To Thine Own Self"
    Boy: Cavemen didn't wear pants. Therefore they couldn't crap themselves. Technically.
    Slither: Such is the sacrifice of our modern existence.
    "Cavement"
    Boy: Who's more valuable? Rich people or poor people?
    Slither: Poor people are more valuable alive. Rich people are more valuable dead.
    "Value"
    Slither: I lost my job. I lost my house. I lost my family. And I lost my dog.
    Boy: In all fairness, you ate your dog.
    "Loss"
    Slither: You know what love gets you? Old people kissing.
    "The Science"
    Boy: You're green.
    Slither: Greens are balanced, harmonious and peaceful personalities.
    "Top Colors"
    Boy:I don't fit in.
    Slither: Me neither.
    Boy: Wow! We're the same!
    Slither: No. You're a freak. I just don't like people.
    "The Difference"
    Slither: I've invented this device. It will replay your life in its entirety. It was dubbed the world's second most depressing invention of all time.
    "Invention"
    Boy: It's important to know and understand clown markings.
    Slither: Your safety depends on it.
    "Clown Markings"
    Slither: If you throw something at somebody and they catch it, you gain a certain amount of respect for them. If they drop it, some respect is lost. It's subtle. But it happens.
    "The Cool Rules"
    Slither: People don't stop pretending. They just start pretending really boring stuff.
    "Let's Pretend"

## Strips 251-300

    Boy: What was your best idea, ever?
    Slither: I dreamed of creating a race of solid gold babies.
    "Solid Gold Baby"
    Slither: If I was ever a Drill Sergeant, I would treat each of my recruits with the utmost courtesy and respect. They would think I was a pretty cool Drill Sergeant. Then I'd snub them at the big graduation dance! "I thought we were friends!" they'd say. No. We were never friends.
    "Basic Training"
    Boy: I read that people only absorb the information that supports their world view.
    Slither: Where did you read that?
    Boy: Priviledged White Male Quarterly.
    "World View"

## External links

* Boy on a Stick and Slither Online Comics