# The Ref

The Ref is a 1994 black comedy film directed by Ted Demme and starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey. The film is about a burglar who is forced to take a dysfunctional family hostage on Christmas Eve.

## Gus

* From now on, the only person who gets to yell at is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns - for instance - you - DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
* Do you know what this family needs? A mute.
* Look kid... what I do, running around, stealing stuff, may sound great when you're 14 years old, but it sucks just a little bit when you're 35. No house, no family. I got a partner who's 56, alcoholic... he still can't understand why they took Happy Days off the air. And then I got to turn on the TV every day and see kids like you, one after another on these talk shows. You got everything, opportunities up the ass, you got a family to come home to, and what do you do? You sit around, and you bitch and you moan, because things don't go your way. Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world, where most times things don't go your fucking way.

## Lloyd

* You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. I'd love to run around and take classes and play with my inner-self! I'd love the freedom to be some pissed-off criminal with no responsibilities, except I don't have the time! But you don't see me with a gun. And you don't see me sleeping with someone else. You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee, I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athlete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!
* You know what I'm going to get you for Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
* Mary, gag your grandma.

## George

* Yeah? Well, maybe Santa won't come back next year. Maybe he and the Easter Bunny will take a fuckin' cruise to Jamaica and you can eat your own lousy cookies!

## Dialogue

    [Gus is on the phone with a bartender]
    Gus: Is there a Murray there?
    Bartender: [to the patrons] Is there a Murray here? [silence]
    Bartender: [into the phone] I don't think he's here, pal.
    Gus: See if there's a waste of fucking life named Murray, try that.
    Bartender: [to the patrons] Is there a fucking waste of life named Murray here?
    Murray: Gussy? Yeah that's me.
    Caroline: How can we both be in the marriage and I'm miserable and you're content?
    Lloyd: Luck?
    Caroline: I had this dream...
    Lloyd: Do we have to do dreams?
    Caroline: I'm in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Lloyd's head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, "I didn't order this." And the waiter said, "Oh, you must try it. It's a delicacy. But don't eat the penis, it's just garnish."
    Dr. Wong: Lloyd, what do you think about the dream?
    Lloyd: I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.
    [Gus is impersonating Dr. Wong]
    Rose: You're a "Wong"?
    Gus: Well, my mother was Irish.
    Rose: And your father?
    Gus: Wasn't.
    Gus: You know what, lady? I'd like to tie you to the back of a fucking truck.
    Rose: You don't have the balls.
    [Gus leaps up from his chair toward Rose and is intercepted by Lloyd]
    Lloyd: Don't do it! It's not worth it.
    Gus: I fucking hate her, Lloyd!
    Lloyd: I know, I know.
    Gus: What is the matter with you? I thought mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding.
    [Lloyd and Caroline discussing their son Jesse]
    Caroline: You're the one who suffocated him with limitations! Our son's a very sensitive and creative-
    Lloyd: Juvenile delinquent.
    Caroline: -boy! He has the kind of imagination-
    Lloyd: That the mafia gives scholarships for! In the ninth grade, we told him he could get a part-time job. You ready for what he did? He started an escort service for the football team, and he gave out my mother's phone number!
    Caroline: And I still say, getting laid by and eighteen year old linebacker is JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS!
    Dr. Wong: [dings bell] Please, let's lower our voices!
    Caroline and Lloyd: FUCK YOU!!
    Boy: Santa doesn't drink champagne. Santa only drinks milk.
    George: [quietly] Listen. Santa can't drink no more milk. Santa has a lactose intolerance, and it gives him horrible gas pains. Do you want to see Santa farting down everybody's chimney?
    Gus: Caroline and Loyd will get the coffee and deserts, then we'll be opening presents.
    Connie: We can't open presents til midnight.
    Gus: Why not?
    Connie: Because it's not Christmas until midnight!
    Gus: We'll be changing the rules, a little bit. We are opening the presents now. Not later, now. Why? We're adults, and we can open our presents, WHENEVER WE WANT!
    Lloyd: Why don't you just give yourself up?
    Gus: What'd you say?
    Lloyd: Well, you're not going to kill an entire family. It's over. I mean, you're not the type. You're a thief, not a killer. That's obvious.
    Gus: I hate guys like you, you know, with your Jeep Grand Cherokee's and your Nicaraguan maids and your ping-zing golf clubs. Every goddamn thing in the world handed to you. I mean, what fuckin' purpose do you people serve?
    Lloyd: You're a criminal. What possible purpose could you serve?
    Gus: Fuck you, Lloyd! I work for a living, okay? I have a skill. I'm in the game pal. What do you do except take up fuckin' space?
    Lloyd: If you're so skilled, what are you doing stuck here?
    Gus: Let me tell you something. I could break into any house, anywhere, anytime. Take whatever I want. In and out in ten minutes. No prints, no evidence. Nothing. If what's-his-name hadn't installed that fuckin' road runner booby trap I'd be in Jamaica by now.
    Lloyd: Mmm, I'm impressed.
    Gus: Nah, you people don't get impressed do you? Huh? Life just bores the shit outta you people. Well, I'm sorry. We don't all have rich mommies and daddies we can live off of or open restaurants when we get bored playing tennis.

## Taglines

* They might be his hostages but what they're doing to this guy is criminal.
* He's taken them hostage. They're driving him nuts.

## Cast

* Denis Leary - Gus
* Judy Davis - Caroline
* Kevin Spacey - Lloyd
* Robert J. Steinmiller, Jr. - Jesse
* Glynis Johns - Rose
* Raymond J. Barry - Lt. Huff
* Richard Bright - Murray
* Christine Baranski - Connie
* Adam LeFevre - Gary
* Phillip Nicoll - John
* Ellie Raab - Mary
* Bill Raymond - George
* John Scurti - Lt. Steve Milford
* Jim Turner - Phil
* Ron Gabriel - Limo Driver
* Edward Saxon - Mike Michaels
* Kenneth Utt - Jeremiah Willard
* Robert Ridgely - Bob Burley
* J.K. Simmons - Siskel
* B.D. Wong - Marriage Counselor Dr. Wong

## External links

* The Ref quotes at the Internet Movie Database