# Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World is a 2003 film starring Russell Crowe. It is based on the novels of Patrick O'Brian.

## Jack Aubrey

* What's the butcher's bill?
** Inquiring about casualties
* Do you not know that in the service … one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?
* Men must be governed. Often not wisely, I will grant you, but they must be governed nonetheless.
* Name a shrub after me – something prickly and hard to eradicate.
* This is the second time he's done this to me. There will not be a third.
* What is it with this man, did I kill a relative of his in battle perhaps? His boy, God forbid?
* For England, for home, and for the prize!
* Right lads, now, I know there's not a faint heart among you, and I know you're as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack … more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like. Until the signal calls, you're to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you've gained elevation, but without recoil, there'll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the larboard battery … one shot only. You'll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy … however … even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They'll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize. And we are worth more to them undamaged. Their greed … will be their downfall. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship is England. So it's every hand to his rope or gun, quick's the word and sharp's the action. After all, Surprise is on our side.
* Down! All hands down!
* We do not have time for your damned hobbies, sir!

## Stephen Maturin

* [Quoting Alexander Pope] He who would pun would pick a pocket, sir.
* You know, I'm very sympathetic of mutineers – men pressed from their homes, their chosen occupations …
* [After amputating Blakeney's arm] I've never seen a braver patient.

## Joseph Nagle

* [Is drunk and is insulting Hollom by bringing the "Jonah theory" out into the open] It's like Killick says. Mornin' o' the battle, 'e doesn't 'ave the guts to beat to quarters. Then 'is entire gun crew's killed, 'cept for 'im. Momen' 'e goes up the mizzen, Will falls. And whose watch was it when we lost our wind?

## Song

Don't forget your old shipmate
    Safe and sound at home again
    let the waters roar, Jack
    safe and sound at home again
    let the waters roar, Jack
    Since we sailed from Plymouth Sound
    four years gone, or nigh, Jack
    was there ever chummies, now
    such as you and I, Jack?
    We have worked the self-same gun:
    quarterdeck division
    sponger I and loader you
    through the whole commission
    Refrain:
    Long we've tossed on the rolling main
    now we're safe ashore, Jack
    don't forget your old shipmate
    fal dee ral dee ral dee rye eye doe

## Dialogue

    Dr. Stephen Maturin: By comparison, the Surprise is a somewhat aged man-o-war. Am I not correct?
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Would you call me an aged man-o-war, doctor? The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine sea-boat: weatherly, stiff and fast … very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime.
    Sailing Master John Allen: Well, we can patch up the main and mizzen, the foresail's too far gone, I'm afraid, so we'll bend our spare.
    Lt. Thomas Pullings: Mr. Lamb is confident, with basic repairs we can get home as we are--
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: We're not going home.
    [Everyone in the room freezes in awkward silence]
    Sailing Master John Allen: But, to refit, we need a port, and the Acheron may be still be looking for us.
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: We can refit at sea. Here. We're at shoals. As you said, Mr. Allen, she is taking the war to the south seas, and we are supposed to stop her.
    Sailing Master John Allen: But, Sir, with respect, she's a vastly heavier ship. She's out of our class. She could be halfway to Cape Horn by the time we're repaired and under way.
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Well, then, there's not a moment to lose.
    Midshipman Blakeney: Is it true about how they put the last stitch through your nose?
    Midshipman Calamy: What do you mean?
    Midshipman Blakeney: Old Joe told me that when you die, they stitch you up in your hammock with the last stitch through your nose, just to make sure you're not asleep. Not through the nose, you'll tell them?
    Midshipman Calamy: (nods)
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Well, Stephen … the bird's flightless?
    Dr. Stephen Maturin: Yes.
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: It's not going anywhere.
    [Toasting]
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: To wives and sweethearts.
    Officers: To wives and sweethearts.
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: May they never meet.
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: (After the crew's rate of fire is not satisfactory enough) Lads, that's not good enough. Remember, we need to fire two broadsides to her one. Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly!?
    Crew: No!
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Want to call that raggedy-arse Napoleon your king!?
    Crew: No!
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: You want your children to sing the "La Marseillaise!?"
    Crew: No!
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Mr. Mowett, Mr. Pullings, starboard battery!
    [The crew is watching Dr. Maturin perform brain surgery on the ship's deck]
    Able Seaman Slade: Is them his brains, sir?
    Dr. Stephen Maturin: No, that's just dried blood.
    [The crew grumbles in disappointment]
    Dr. Stephen Maturin: [after wiping away the dried blood] Those are his brains.
    [The crew "Ohhs" in wonder]
    Dr. Stephen Maturin: Well, Mr. Blakeney, it would appear that you have the makings of a naturalist.
    Midshipman Blakeney: Well, sir, perhaps I could combine them to be a sort of … fighting naturalist … like you, sir.
    Dr. Stephen Maturin: They don't combine too well, I find.
    [Capt. Aubrey is briefing his officers]
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Right! From now on, no sirs, no salutes, no ayes, no whistles, no bells.
    Officers: [as one man] Aye, sir.
    Midshipman Blakeney: Excuse me, Sir?
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Remove your hat, Blakeney. We're whalers here.
    Midshipman Blakeney: [removes his hat] May I speak with you, Sir?
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: Yes, yes.
    Midshipman Blakeney: Mr. Calamy says I'm not in the boarding party, I want to say...
    Capt. Jack Aubrey: I know what you want to say. My answer is no. [Blakeney lowers his head in disappointment] You'll lead your gun crew and then when we board, you'll take command of the ship from here on the quarterdeck. Do I make myself clear?
    Midshipman Blakeney: Take command of the ship? Thank you, Sir.

## Major cast

* Russell Crowe – Jack Aubrey
* Paul Bettany – Stephen Maturin

## External links

* Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World quotes at the Internet Movie Database