# The Magic Christian (film)

The Magic Christian is a 1969 British comedy film directed by Joseph McGrath and starring Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr, with noteworthy appearances by John Cleese, Raquel Welch, Christopher Lee, Richard Attenborough and Roman Polański.

## Quotes

    Guy: [voiceover, as a $10 note appears onscreen] Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us.
    Hamlet: [Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..."
    Youngman: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it.
    Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question."
    Youngman: Shakespeare, right?
    Guy: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right.
    Ginger: Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last. [turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book]
    Ginger: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr. Thorndike!
    Guy: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
    Ginger: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.
    Youngman: You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad.
    Guy: Well, you know, Youngman. Sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.
    Youngman: Cause for pause?
    Guy: Yes.
    Youngman: Dad, do you think words corrupt?
    Guy: I don't know, let's try. Agnes?
    Agnes: [looks up from the television] Yes?
    Guy: Nipple.
    Agnes: Shh! [turns back to the television]
    Guy: [watches her for a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.
    Traffic warden #27: What's your game, Mister?
    Guy: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?
    Guy: [as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt.
    Youngman: St. Rembrandt's High.
    John: [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day!
    Guy: Nor mine!
    Youngman: Well, it's happening in mine!
    Herbert: [pleads with Laurence, the ship's doctor] If you could please just give me some tranquilizers...
    Laurence: Escape into drugs? Mask your fears in an artificial fog? Oh, surely you can't be serious.
    Herbert: Oh, well... give me some decent English aspirin!
    Laurence: [pulls out a lit marijuana joint] Here, Sir Herb. Try this. It's just what the doctor ordered.
    Herbert: What is it?
    Laurence: It's cannabis, Sir Herb. [Herbert inhales, then chokes]
    Laurence: It'll tighten your wig.
    Esther: [as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on?
    Youngman: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.
    Guy: [on being told a Rembrandt might fetch $10,000 at auction] In that case, my final offer is 30.
    Mr. Dougdale: [stunned] Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon.
    Announcer on 'Magic Christian': [as the 'Magic Christian' starts to sink] Go to B-Deck immediately! I repeat: Go to C-Deck immediately!
    Guy: [a police car drives up to Grand's car] Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment.
    Guy: [Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet] This chap's taking license in my view?

## Cast

* Peter Sellers as Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE
* Ringo Starr as Youngman Grand, Esq.
* Isabel Jeans as Dame Agnes Grand
* Caroline Blakiston as Hon. Esther Grand
* Spike Milligan as Traffic warden #27
* Richard Attenborough as Oxford Coach
* Leonard Frey as Laurence Faggot (ship's psychiatrist)
* John Cleese as Mr. Dugdale (director in Sotheby's)
* Patrick Cargill as Auctioneer at Sotheby's
* Joan Benham as Socialite in Sotheby's
* Ferdy Mayne as Edouard (of Chez Edouard restaurant)
* Graham Stark as Waiter at Chez Edouard Restaurant)
* Laurence Harvey as Hamlet
* Dennis Price as Winthrop
* Wilfrid Hyde-White as Capt. Reginald K. Klaus
* Christopher Lee as Ship's vampire
* Roman Polański as Solitary drinker
* Raquel Welch as Priestess of the Whip
* Victor Maddern as Hot dog vendor
* Terence Alexander as Mad Major
* Peter Bayliss as Pompous Toff
* Clive Dunn as Sommelier
* Fred Emney as Fitzgibbon
* David Hutcheson as Lord Barry
* Hattie Jacques as Ginger Horton
* Edward Underdown as Prince Henry
* Jeremy Lloyd as Lord Hampton
* Peter Myers as Lord Kilgallon
* Roland Culver as Sir Herbert
* Michael Trubshawe as Sir Lionel
* David Lodge as Ship's guide
* Peter Graves as Lord at ship's bar
* Robert Raglan as Maltravers
* Frank Thornton as Police Inspector
* Michael Aspel as TV commentator
* Michael Barratt as TV commentator
* Harry Carpenter as TV commentator
* John Snagge as TV commentator
* Alan Whicker as TV commentator
* Graham Chapman as Oxford crewman (uncredited)
* James Laurenson as Oxford crewman (uncredited)
* Yul Brynner as Transvestite cabraet singer (uncredited)
* John Le Mesurier as Sir John (uncredited)
* Guy Middleton as Duke of Mantisbriar (uncredited)
* Nosher Powell as Ike Jones (uncredited)
* Rita Webb as Woman in Park (uncredited)
* Jimmy Clitheroe as Passenger on Ship (uncredited)
* Sean Barry-Weske as John Lennon lookalike (uncredited)
* Kimberly Chung as Yoko Ono lookalike (uncredited)
* George Cooper as Losing Boxer's Second (uncredited)
* Rosemarie Hillcrest as Topless Galley Slave (uncredited)
* Edward Sinclair as Park attendant (uncredited)