# Ed, Edd n Eddy (season 2)

The following is a list of quotes from the second season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

## Know It All Ed

    Eddy: What we have here...is a squirt gun.
    Edd: Please. A 'squirt gun'?
    Eddy: Yeah. A-A Canadian squirt gun.
    Ed: Canadians are weird.
    Ed: Plank reminds me of fresh-cut Spring flowers, spewing across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon.

## Knock, Knock, Who's Ed?

    Ed: [imataing the doll] My Head is Snoring Mickets.

## 1 + 1 = Ed

    Eddy: Ed! What are you doing in my bed?
    Ed: I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
    Eddy: Ed? [Ed makes an inquisitive noise] GET OUT OF MY ROOM! [boots Ed out of bed]
    Ed: Ow! My buttocks hurt. [looks at the lava lamp] Why does goo float?
    Eddy: HIT THE ROAD! [Ed eats the lava lamp] Wha? MY LAMP!
    Ed: [picking Eddy up by his foot] Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?
    Ed: Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?
    Eddy: GO HOME!
    Ed: [continuing to play with the refrigerator door]: Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light.
    Ed: Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?
    Eddy: You're gonna strain your peanut brain think of something more important. Like...'How to get your face on a dollar bill.'
    Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?
    Eddy: Uh, Double D up yet?
    [Eddy sneaks up behind Edd while he's dismantling a radio]
    Eddy: HEY DOUBLE D!
    Edd: [squeals and leaps into Ed's arms] Eddy, you know I hate that! [notices Ed] Oh, hello, Ed.
    Eddy: [pulling out a bra from an old dresser] Woo hoo! PG-13!
    Ed: That's my mom's, Eddy.
    [Eddy gags and drops the bra]
    [Eddy somehow passes his hand behind the sun]
    Eddy: Didja see that? Weird. Oh well, can't beat em, eat em. [bites into the sun and it turns into a crescent moon] Not bad.
    Jimmy: Jumping Jehoshaphat, who turned out the sun?

## Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed

    Ed: OKAY I GIVE UP!! It's no fun being the last human. So can I be a bumblebee?
    [Eddy crawls on his fingers down the hall]
    Eddy: Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big... [realizes too late that he's reached the stairs] Uh... [goes tumbling down the stairs]
    [Cut to Outside]
    Ed: [talking to Nazz] So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?
    Eddy: Party? Wait! [tries to get out of the bucket] Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! Don't forget Cockroach Eddy.
    [Ed and Edd try to pull Eddy out of the bucket he folded himself into]
    Rolf: Are they from this planet?
    Kevin: No. They're from the Land of the Dorks.

## Ready, Set... Ed!

    [The Eds' rocket car has taken a hairy ride down an obstacle course]
    Ed: I think I swallowed a turtle.
    Eddy: What country are we in?
    Edd: We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record.
    Ed: Can I wear a dress again?
    [Ed crams the kids inside the rocket car with a broom]
    Ed: Room for one more!
    Kevin: Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow.

## Hands Across Ed

    Rolf: Hallo. I will be performing my country's traditional Dance of the Hairless Otter-
    Eddy: Next! No budget for subtitles....

## Floss Yer Ed

    Ed: [holding two coconuts] Can I shave them?
    Edd: Ed, you don't shave coconuts, you eat them.
    Ed: Like report cards?

## In Like Ed

    Ed: Um, Double D? [holds up coat hanger] What's this do?
    Edd: That's just a coat hanger, Ed.
    Ed: Oh. Mum's the word.
    Eddy: Nice little soiree, huh, Rolfy-boy?
    Rolf: You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?
    Eddy: [conspiratorially] The crow caws at midnight.
    Rolf: And the cat sours the basil! Rolf would love to talk politics, but I must see your invitation!
    Eddy: No problem, stretch...Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?!
    Rolf: Nana?
    [Last lines]
    Ed: Oh, cool. This reminds me of the movie "Zombies From The Deep Freeze: A cash cow". This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice cube trays, and frozen and used to cool their drinks.
    Edd: Non-alcoholic, I hope.

## Who Let The Ed In?

    [The kids have spotted Eddy's fake prize-grabbing machine].
    Jimmy: Did it fall off a truck?
    Sarah: That's how my brother was born.
    Kevin: Prize grabbers are cool.
    Eddy: Whoa; that was fast.
    [Ed is holding gift boxes that seemingly appeared out of nowhere]
    Ed: Jib made you presents.
    Kids: Presents?
    Eddy: I hate Jib.

## Rambling Ed

    Eddy: [to Ed, about Sarah] If she told you to go jump in a lake with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to be developed, so she can hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?
    Ed: I had socks on, Eddy.
    Ed: My place is the cat's tuxedo. [pets the cow] Right, poochie? [the cow moos]
    [Rolf tries to seek refuge in his room, but Edd and Eddy have commandeered his bed]
    Eddy: Turn out that light!
    Rolf: Ah, yes! Sorry, Ed-boy!
    Eddy: I need ketchup for my eggs, Rolfy Boy!
    Ed: Anyone got a breath mint?
    Rolf: [so loud that it echoes across the entire Cul-de-Sac and brings all activity to a halt] THE BURDEN OF HOSPITALITY IS TOO GREAT FOR ROLF!!!!!!!!

## Homecooked Eds

    Eddy: Why don't you Kankers get lost!
    Ed: And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!
    Kankers: Lovey-dovey!
    Eddy: Ed, you dolt!
    Kevin: What's a trailer doing on my- TRAILER?!
    Ed: One plus one equals one on a bun.

## Honor Thy Ed

    Eddy: [notices a spider on the doorknob] Hit the road. [plucks the spider off the doorknob and the doorknob fell off]
    [The Eds watch the doorknob as it rolls across the floor, then it falls down into a hole]
    Edd: Tell me that didn't happen.
    Ed: It didn't happen.

## Scrambled Ed

    Edd: [repeated line] Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.
    Ed: [takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it and a pencil pops up] Alley oop. [hands it to Edd] Here's your mustard, Double D.
    Eddy: [annoyed] He asked for a pen!
    Ed: He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?
    [Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room]
    Jimmy: After you, doctor.
    Sarah: Thank you, Nurse.
    [The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed]
    Jimmy: AAH!
    Sarah: Double D, get out of my room!
    Edd: [drowsy] I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy. [his voice trails off and he falls asleep again]
    Jimmy: Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
    Sarah: I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead. [shakes Edd. Edd rolls over onto his back and sighs contentedly. Jimmy yelps] He's worser than I thought. Let's operate.

## Urban Ed

    Ed: Let's drive to the city, fellas.
    Edd: We're too young to drive, Ed.
    Ed: My dad has a shovel.
    Eddy: If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac.
    Edd: I suppose I'd better find some tape.
    Ed: Not to mention a duck.
    Eddy: Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed.
    Ed: I'm a gazelle. Oink!

## Rent-a-Ed

    [Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke the support beam]
    Kevin: You guys are in so much trouble.
    Eddy: Tell me about it, I lost my money.
    Edd: Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
    Eddy: Yeah, right. They'll never catch [rips his shirt off to reveal his trapeze costume] THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!
    Edd: You're still wearing that thing?

## Shoo Ed

    [The Eds are attempting to make Jonny annoying. Ed laughs as he pulls down a bed. Edd and Eddy look at Jonny, who's wearing a suit]
    Edd: A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?
    Eddy: What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
    Edd: My father wears a suit.
    Eddy: Exactly.
    Edd: Well I suggest something a little more on topic. [takes out a tin tray] Anchovies. The person who invented this smelly salty fish dish should have been imprisoned for the rest of their life. [turns to Jonny and tries to feed him] Open wide please.
    Jonny: I smell something fishy! [dodges]
    Edd: Please, Jonny. [Jonny laughs and dodges again] Please, Jonny!
    Jonny: Plank says fish is– [Edd stuffs the spoon full of anchovies in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it]
    Ed: [squirts some glue under Jonny's sandal, then he sticks a block of wood under it] I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
    Edd: Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains? And why the suit? Why Jonny?
    Eddy: [to Jonny] Jonny. People really like it when you say WHY ALL THE TIME!
    [Edd grumbles]
    Jonny: They do?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!
    Ed: And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head. [poking Eddy's head]
    Eddy: Cut it out, Ed!
    Ed: See? Eddy likes it.

## Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed

    Ed: Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat through a car wash.
    Edd: Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
    Ed: Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
    Edd: Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
    Eddy: Stupid, Ed. You blew your chance to–
    Edd: Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
    Eddy: Let's see, where do I start? [proceeds to mimic Double D] The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat.
    Ed: Good Double D, Eddy.
    [Double D chuckles]
    Eddy: [pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain.
    Edd: [sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [the bottle settles on him] Oh dear.
    Eddy: Ha! I dare ya to be Ed. Go on, flatter him.
    Edd: Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
    Ed: I can do Eddy, I practiced. [pushes his eyes together] Can it, Double Dweeb!
    Eddy: Whaddya mean you practiced?
    Ed: Shut up, Sockhead!
    Eddy: Please, 'Eddy'. You're invading my personal space. [pushes Ed away]
    [The Eds laugh]
    Eddy: Well?
    Ed: Do me, Double D.
    Eddy: We're waiting.
    Edd: Very well. Uh, let's see now. [manipulates his face so his eyes are spread out across his face] Buttered toast.
    [The Eds laugh again]
    Rolf: Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
    Ed as Eddy: Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! [hugging it] Pet the chicken, pet the chicken... [sees Edd as Ed] The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it.
    Eddy as Edd: Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
    Edd as Ed: I love chickens, Eddy.
    [The Eds laugh]
    Rolf: Ed-boy!
    Ed as Eddy: [poking Edd] Wake up, Monobrow.
    Edd as Ed: Oh right. Yes. Ahem. [turning around to face Rolf] I am Ed.
    Rolf: You are not Ed-boy. I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash. Thank you.
    Eddy as Edd: Rolf said, thank you. Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
    Ed as Eddy: Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. [pulls Eddy as Edd's sock over him and walks behind Edd as Ed] Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
    Edd as Ed: What? [Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo] Buttered toast?
    Rolf: No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!
    Eddy as Edd: Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
    Edd as Ed: Parched! The word you're looking for is parched!
    Ed as Eddy: Yeah, right, Lumpy! Parched is a fish! [laughs]
    Eddy as Edd: Intriguing.
    Rolf: You are not Ed. You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!
    [Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container]
    Ed as Eddy: You know what they say, Double D. [shoves Eddy as Edd's mouth to an opened pipe on the side] If you're thirsty, take a drink. [Eddy as Edd chugs it down and swells up.] Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. [jumps on Eddy and spits the pipe out] Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
    Edd as Ed: [popping out of Eddy's sock] You really think I'm a genius?
    Eddy as Edd: Hey, I'm Double D. I'm the genius.
    [A red-tinted Rolf opens Eddy as Edd's mouth and climbs out]
    Ed as Eddy: I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! [laughs]
    [The 'Eds' laugh]
    Rolf: Rolf has never been so confused.
    Edd as Ed: What in heaven's name is this? A ladle? Oh, my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!!!

## Hot Buttered Ed

    Edd: Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment? [made a shadow puppet of a skeleton]
    Ed: Like walnuts?
    Ed: The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D.

## High Heeled Ed

    Jimmy: [has fallen through the open manhole] Sarah!
    Sarah: [returning to the manhole] Jimmy! What happened?
    Jimmy: I fell on my tushy, Sarah!
    Sarah: Don't move! I'll save you! [pulls out a modified fishing pole and casts it in. She catches Jimmy and hauls him out] Pee-yew, Jimmy, you stink!
    Nazz: [covering her nostrils] That's putting it mildly.
    Eddy: [from the sewer] Hey! Why don't you let the guy have some fun, huh?
    Sarah: You're in a sewer, idiot. It's dirty, and stinky...
    Eddy: It's called ambiance! It's a swamp ride, get it? What do you girls know about- [a sign is thrown down at him] No skin off my nose, Sarah. I'm sure Kevin, Rolf, even Jonny will-
    Sarah: They went go-karting.
    Eddy: [popping out of the hole] Go-karting?
    Sarah: And they won't be back till supper. Bye bye. [throws the manhole cover back on the manhole]
    [As a result, Eddy is hit by the cover and plummets back down into the sludge]
    Eddy: We need to find our more sensitive side.
    Ed: I found my sensitive side, coz it has a rash.
    Edd: Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed.
    Jimmy: Pinch me I'm dreaming! Whee! [in the pants] I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous? [the golden paint develops cracks] Oh no! [gasped] When will the torment end? [falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. He is wearing Ed's pants]
    Nazz: That wasn't gold, fakers!
    Sarah: You gypped us!
    Edd: Exposed.
    Eddy: Busted.
    Ed: Nope. Can't think of a word.
    [Nazz snatches the $5 bill from Eddy]
    Jimmy: [a bag over his head] The shame!
    Nazz: Here's your money, Jimmy. [to the Eds] Grow up. [leaves]
    Sarah: Wait till you get home, Ed. [leaves with Nazz]
    Jimmy: Charlatans. [leaves with the girls]
    Ed: Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.
    Eddy: What's with you?
    Edd: Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.
    Eddy: Ed? Is that you?
    Ed: ...HUG ME!
    Eddy: Well, that didn't last long.
    Ed: [hugs Eddy] HUG!
    Eddy: Ed!

## Fa-La-La-La-Ed

    Ed: [holding a sprig of mistletoe] Do you see what I see? [puckers up]
    Eddy: Where'd you get that mistletoe? It's July!
    Edd: There's no kissing allowed in my parents' room, Ed!
    Eddy: [using Edd as a shield] You take care of Ed, Double D. I've got another nut to crack. Or should I say, piggy bank.
    [Ed exposes the scam to the kids]
    Edd [tearful]: Oh, I'm so ashamed... [breaks down, whilst Ed comforts him]
    Ed: There, there, Double D. Santa forgives.
    Eds: [singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas-
    [Rolf opens the door wearing festive native clothing. Confused, Eddy and Double D stop singing]
    Ed: [continues singing] ...We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!
    [Wilfred oinks]
    Rolf: [puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar] No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes?

## Cry Ed

    Jimmy: Murphy's law, do your stuff! [the clothespin gently taps his foot] Ouch! [clutches his leg] My foot! It's broken! Owie!
    Sarah: Jimmy?
    Jonny: That clothespin went right for him, Plank!
    Sarah: You okay, Jimmy?
    [The kids congregate around him]
    Jimmy: Did someone get the number of that launderade?
    Nazz: Poor Jimmy!
    Eddy: [comes down in a kiddie pool standing on his tongue as his grand finale] Ta-da! [sees all the kids leaving]
    Jonny: Plank says clothespins are known to attack at the blink of an eye!
    [Jimmy is sprawled on a lawn chair, whimpering. Sarah comes up to him with a glass of water]
    Sarah: Here Jimmy. Drink some water.
    [Jimmy sips from the glass]
    Nazz: Is there anything we can do for you?
    Rolf: Let Rolf nurture you with a bowl of Nano's pre-chewed seven-course dinner?
    Jimmy: My tummy, Sarah. Pitiless is the tempest sea. [faints]
    Rolf: Emergency! We must implement the boat procedures.
    Eddy: It was horrible! [fake coughs] Did I say it was horrible?
    Ed: [dramatically] Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp! [makes chewing sounds]
    Edd: [rolling his eyes] Please.
    Rolf: Rolf has seen this meatball! It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!
    Kids: Whoa!
    [Cut to Sarah and Jimmy]
    Sarah: [setting Jimmy on the lawn chair] You stay put here, Jimmy. I'll get some kids to help me carry you to your room. And don't forget to drink, you need to keep your fluids up.
    Jimmy: You forgot the straw, Sarah. [an acorn falls into his drink] An acorn. [looks up] Hello, Mister Squirrel. You're cute.
    [Cut back to the Eds and the kids]
    Nazz: You're so brave, Eddy. Is there anything we can do for you?
    Eddy: The fact that I'm surrounded by all my friends is all I need. [suddenly sees Sarah, who is not amused]
    Sarah: You're just a big faker! JIMMY'S THE ONE WHO'S REALLY HURT!!!
    Eddy: [in a dry voice] Come closer, my child. [grabs Sarah's shirt and pulls her to him] You tell Jimmy he's out of his league.
    Jimmy: [in the backyard, he has been crushed by a tree] Sarah! Owie!
    Nazz: Not again!
    Sarah: [gasps] It's Jimmy! Jimmy's in trouble! [leaves but because Eddy still has a hold on her, she pulls him out of the wheelbarrow onto the ground, much to Kevin's amusement]
    Nazz: [leading the charge back] C'mon, guys!
    [Kevin laughs]
    Jonny: [running after his friends] Wait up, guys!
    Eddy: Hey, wait! Where ya goin'?! [gets up] Where's my attention?! I was attacked by a meatball!
    [In midair, Eddy runs into Jimmy]
    Eddy: Hit the road, Bubbleboy. What the... [begins to fall]
    Rolf: Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf.
    Kevin: What are you talking about, man?
    Rolf: Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf. Must I spell it? We have guests.
    [Eddy crash-lands on Rolf and Kevin]
    Eddy: It worked! I'm safe! I'm better than Jimmy!
    Jonny: Did 'ya see that, Plank? Great crash, Eddy!
    Nazz: Need any help, dude?
    Jimmy: [floating down] Greetings, earthlings! Oh, you too, Mr. Doggie. You're cute. [a low growl is heard, and then the bubble suit starts deflating] I'm safe! No problem! [his suit tears, and air gushes out] Not safe! Not safe! Help me! [flies through the Cul-de-sac]
    Sarah: I'm coming, Jimmy!
    Nazz: Wait up, guys!