# Love Stinks (film)

Love Stinks is a 1999 comedy film. It was written and directed by Jeff Franklin.

## Dialogue

    Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
    Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?
    Chelsea: I am NOT in denial.
    Larry Garnett: It's like a hooker taking a trick to court to get him to pay.
    Holly: Don't call my best friend a hooker.
    Larry Garnett: That's right, a hooker tells you the price up front.
    Seth: You've put me off women. I'm gay now. And not just a little gay-full on, Liberace gay.
    Chelsea: I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.
    Holly: Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?
    Chelsea: Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.
    Holly: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.
    Chelsea: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.
    Seth: Nice job, you fucked up date night.
    Seth: Drop the probe and step away from my ass.
    Seth: I'll sure your ass for damages for damaging my ass.
    Seth: Back to Hell, demon. Back to hell.
    Seth: But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
    Chelsea: Hate sex.
    [on phone answering machine]
    Seth: If you have a message for me, leave it after the beep and if you have a message for Chelsea then you REALLY HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY.
    Seth: [in the shower] Oh my God! My hair is falling out!
    Chelsea: You know stress will do that to ya!
    Seth: Holy shit! It's really falling out!
    Chelsea: That's so weird!
    [Seth's hair begins to fall out rapidly]
    Seth: Oh my God! Oh, Jesus! Oh my God! Oh, jeez! [steps out of shower and looks into mirror] AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?
    Chelsea: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner.
    Seth: Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!
    Chelsea: I didn't do it! I swear!
    Seth: Ooooohhhhh man, you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!
    Chelsea: Can I make it up to you?
    Seth: What did you have in mind?
    Chelsea: Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.
    Seth: The three B's! It has a chance at working.
    Chelsea: [sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse] Ugh, you are such a pig!
    Seth: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes... [farts loudly] OH!...
    Chelsea: [simultaneously] EWWW! Ew! Ew!
    Seth: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming! [farts] OH!...
    Chelsea: [simultaneously] Ugh, you're sick! Ew!
    Seth: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! [farts rapidly, four times] Oh, man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh! [farts loudly] Ole!

## Taglines

* Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.
* An "Un-romantic" romantic comedy.
* If you can't be with the one you love...make their life a living hell.
* A movie about a relationship...that's worse than yours.
(An Un-Romantic Comedy

## Cast

* French Stewart - Seth Winnick
* Bridgette Wilson - Chelsea Turner
* Bill Bellamy - Larry Garnett
* Tyra Banks - Holly Garnett
* Steve Hytner - Marty Mark
* Jason Bateman - Jesse Travis
* Tiffani Amber-Thiessen - Rebecca Melini

## External links

* Love Stinks quotes at the Internet Movie Database