# Harriet the Spy (film)

Harriet the Spy is a 1996 comedy-drama/mystery film about a girl spy. But when her friends find her secret notebook, the tables are turned on her. Can she win them back and still keep on going with the spy business?
    Directed by Bronwen Hughes. Written by Doug Petrie and Theresa Rebeck, based on the 1964 novel of the same name, drawn and written by Louise Fitzhugh.

## Harriet M. Welsch

* I want to learn everything I can, and I write down everything I see. Golly says if I want to be a writer someday, I better start now, and that is why I am a spy.
* The only thing worse than being Marion Hawthorn, is wanting to be Marion Hawthorn.
* Carrie Andrews thinks she's cool because she spent her summer vacation growing boobs.
* Sometimes I think families here are exactly the same.

## Katherine "Ole Golly"

* There are as many ways to live in this world as there are people in this world, and each one deserves a closer look.
* You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's going to keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
* Good friends are one of life's blessings. Don't give them up without a fight.
* Just because you're going to be alone now doesn't mean the world stops turning. You'll keep writing in your notebooks and when you're grown up and you publish your first novel, I'll be first in line at that bookstore, getting an autographed copy.
* You remember, a good spy can get in there and fight. Goodbye, Harriet the Spy.

## Simon "Sport" Rocque

* This stuff is beyond crap. It is what crap wants to be when it grows up.

## Other

* Janie's Mom: JANIE! I am sick to death of this mad scientist baloney! Look at this! Look at this!

## Dialogue

    Harriet: I want to remember everything. And I want to know everything.
    Ole: Well, you must realize, Harriet, knowing everything won't do you a bit of good unless you use it to put beauty in this world. True or false?
    Harriet: True.
    Ole: Of course it is.
    Ole: The time has come, the walrus said...
    Harriet: To talk of many things...
    Ole: Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax...
    Harriet: Of cabbages and kings...
    Ole: And why the sea is boiling hot...
    Harriet: And whether pigs have wings!
    Ole: Do you have any wings?
    Harriet: Yeah.
    Ole: [starts "spanking" her] Yeah? Let me see them!
    Harriet: [laughing] Ow! Ow! Child abuse! Child abuse!
    Ole: You want to see child abuse? Take that! And that!
(After Harriet gets done with her spy route at Harrison Withers place, she approaches the Hongfat's Food Emporium and spotted the yellow truck smashed as smoke comes from the engine)
    Harriet: Uh oh. Frankie took the truck.
(After Harriet calms down from the smell of engine fuel crawling up her nostrils, she rushes to the side of the Emporium by watching through a window and the bars as the Hongfats dragging Frankie inside the store and into the chair.) (Speaking in Catonese)
    Frankie: Speak English!
    Mrs. Hongfat: Oh okay, you want us to speak English, huh? Well, you are a jerk! I tell you don't take the truck. You smash the truck. Well, you tell me now, Mr. Wise Guy. Was your date worth it?
    Mr. Hongfat: People here are shopping.
    Frankie: Yeah.
    Bruno Hong Fat: HEY!
(The Hongfats stop as Bruno Hongfat came off the bed and stares at Frankie)
    Frankie: Hey, all right, Grandpa. It's cool, right? Believe me it wasn't a big deal, right? I knew you understand, right?
(Bruno instead whacks Frankie on the head with a paper as the Hongfats began exclaiming and shouting going crazy inside the grocery store)
    Harriet: (Smiles as she writes down in her notebook) Sometimes, I think families everywhere are exactly the same.
    Frankie: Okay, everybody get back to work. Mom. Dad. Please. Grandpa! Just calm down.
    Harriet: I hate money.
    Sport: You'd like it a lot more if you didn't have any.
(Harriet is at Janie's house as Janie is working on the experiment to pay Marion Hawthorne back and the 6th grade pageant)
    Janie: She made an onion.
    Harriet: Tell me about it.
    Janie: "You, my dear, are a great big squash."
    Harriet: I'd like to squash her.
    Janie: I've got something better. Come here.
(Harriet got off the bed to meet up with Janie)
    Janie: Smell this.
    Harriet: Ugh! What is this?
    Janie: You like it? Wait, I mean you hate it.
    Harriet: It's like something just crawled up my nose and then died.
    Janie: Excellent. It's a sulfur-based alkaloid. I want it to chemically fuse with combustibles.
    Harriet: And, in English, that would mean...
    Janie: Stink bomb.
    Harriet: Stink bomb
    Janie: We tape it to the school air ducts, attach it to a timer, and five minutes before the school play starts..... BOOOOOSH! Empty Auditorium.
(Janie's mom walks in)
    Janie's mom: Hey.... what are you girls doing?
(Harriet and Janie looked at each other)
    Janie: Nothing.
    Harriet: Nothing.
    Janie's mom: Are you getting ready for your big stage debut.
    Harriet: Actually, Mrs. Gibbs. Janie and I were discussing about the school play. Right, Janie?
    Janie: Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.
(Harriet and Janie giggled)
    Janie's mom: Good. Good. That's good. (Spotted something in front of her) Uh, Janie, what is this supposed to be?
    Janie: No, mom! Don't touch it!
(Janie's mom accidentally pops the balloon as grabs a hold of her bras when green slime exploding onto her face)
    Janie's mom: Oh, WHAT?! Janie!
    Janie: It's an experiment with mold!
    Janie's mother: Oh! Janie! That's where my Veronica's Closet bra went to... huh? You know, I'm sick to death of this mad scientist baloney! Look at this! Look at this! Girl, we got to talk. I don't know what I'm gonna do with you, but we need to talk!
(Harriet decided to mind her own business and scoot on out of her house to go to Sport's house)
    Harriet: Some of Janie's experiments really creep me out. I wonder if she'll grow up to be a-billion IQ genius, or a total nutcase.
(After Harriet stack some items to get a vantage point to watch through the window, she spotted Sport playing chicken with his father. She felt the bottom of the dresser drawer almost about to snap when, it snapped quite by accident. Harriet hangs on for dear life and grunts while Sport chickens at his father)
    Harriet: Sport, Sport..... SPORT!
(Sport and his father stopped when he saw Harriet about to lose her grip)
    Harriet: Help me.
    Sport: (Walks to the window) Hey, Harriet.
    Harriet: (Panicks) Hey.
    Sport: Okay, come in.
(Pulls Harriet inside of the house)
    Sport's Dad: [overly ecstatic] Will you take a look at this. Huh? Huh? What do you think of your old man now, Sport? Ten thousand smackaroos! No more paying with change. No more, no more spaghetti. Going to feel like steak. And you know those fancy basketball sneakers with the, with the buckles and the Velcro and the crap all over them? Their yours, buddy boy, all yours! [his phone rings, he answers it] Hello? Murray. Hey, hey I take it all back. All agents aren't useless. Oh, I'm kidding you, I'm kidding you, man. You know I was always in your corner. Oh, yeah, I knew you'd come through. Well, Sport and I are going to do a little celebrating today...
    [knock at the door, Sport answers. It's Harriet]
    Harriet: Hey.
    Sport: Hey.
    Harriet: Sold his book?
    Sport: Got a real job.
    Sport's Dad: [notices Harriet] Hey, Harriet, you hear the good news?
    Harriet: [smiling] You're a writer. So how's it feel?
    Sport's Dad: Oh, big slice off heaven, side order of fries. Say, you hungry? I feel like going to the fanciest, schmaniest restaurant in town. We'll abuse the waiter. Who's with me? Harriet?
    Sport: She can't come.
    Sport's Dad: What do you mean she can't come? You haven't even asked her.
    Sport: [firmly] I said she can't come. [to Harriet] You can't be my friend if you're not my friend. [he closes the door on Harriet]
    Harriet: [from the other side of the door, crying] I'm sorry, Sport. I'm sorry.
    Harriet: How long have you known me, Golly?
    Ole Golly: Since you were born. That's 11 years and 12,000 tomato sandwiches ago.
    Harriet: And you'll never leave me, right?
    Ole Golly: Well I won't leave you leave you, but one day you'll be old enough and... well, old enough to take care of yourself and when that day comes you won't need me around anymore. But that day is not today.
    Harriet: [Golly closes the door on her parents screaming] Hey, I want to hear that.
    Ole Golly: Yeah? Well I want to sing opera, but I can't, so I don't.
    Harriet: [in tears] I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry.
    Ole Golly: Nah it's okay to cry, but whatever you do, don't laugh, no Harriet, I will not tolerate laughter as I leave. No.
    Harriet: Are you gonna go be some other kid's nanny now?
    Ole Golly: And love them more than you? Never. Remember in my life, in this world, there will always only be one Harriet.
    Miss Elson: [to the class] Good morning. Today we're... [pauses and sees Harriet's hand raised] Yes, Harriet?
    [Harriet puts her hand down and stands up out of her desk]
    Harriet: Miss Elson, I've been thinking a lot, and you know how class president automatically gets to be editor of the sixth grade newspaper?
    Miss Elson: Yes.
    Harriet: Well... I think... I think it's too much for one person and it's not fair to everybody because everybody deserves a chance, and we should change it.
    [Marion slams her hand down on her desk]
    Marion: [shouting loudly] OBJECTION!
    Miss Elson: This isn't a courtroom, Marion. [as Harriet sits back down in her seat] I like that idea, Harriet. Let's see what the class thinks.
    Marion: [gets up from her desk] Miss Elson, I think I speak for everybody when I say this is... this is a really, really, stupid idea!
    Miss Elson: That is one opinion. But let's take a vote. Marion is now editor of The Guidepost, would anyone like to nominate another candidate?
    [the class whispers among themselves about another candidate]
    Miss Elson: Well... I guess if no one has anything to say...
    Boy with Purple Socks: [gets up from his desk and finally speaks in front of the entire class, much to everybody's surprise] I have something to say: I think that Harriet is a very good writer, and if we only listen to one person's opinion, we may never get anywhere new. But Harriet might have something very original, and I'd like to read what she has to write.
    [sits back down]
    Miss Elson: Is there a second?
    Sport: [raises his hand] I second it.
    Janie Gibbs: [raises her hand] I third it.
    Miss Elson: Okay, then. Harriet Welsch is now a candidate for editor. Who votes for Harriet?
    [much to Marion's dismay, the entire class raises their hands in approval for Harriet as editor; Harriet raises both hands]
    Miss Elson: And that... is that.
    Harriet: [whispers] Yes!

## Tagline

* See the world through the eyes of a spy.
* On your case!
* Some kids collect insects. Others collect dolls. Harriet M. Welsh collects secrets.
* There's no lead she won't follow. No question she won't ask. And no way she'll ever get caught!

## Cast

* Michelle Trachtenberg - Harriet M. Welsch
* Rosie O'Donnell - Katherine "Ole Golly"
* Gregory Smith - Simon "Sport" Rocque
* Vanessa Lee Chester - Janie Gibbs
* J. Smith-Cameron - Mrs. Welsch
* Robert Joy - Mr. Welsch
* Eartha Kitt - Agatha K. Plummer
* Charlotte Sullivan - Marion Hawthorne
* Teisha Kims - Rachel Hennessy
* Cecilley Carroll - Beth Ellen Hansen
* Dov Tiefenbach - Boy with Purple Socks
* Nina Shock - Carrie Andrews
* Connor Devitt - Pinky Whitehead
* Alisha Morrison - Laura Peters
* Nancy Beatty - Miss Elson
* James Gilfillan - Archie Simmons
* Gerry Quigley - Sport's Dad
* Jackie Richardson - Janie's Mother
* Roger Clown - Dr. Wagner

## External links

* Harriet the Spy quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Harriet the Spy (film) at Allmovie
* Harriet the Spy at Mojo
* Harriet the Spy (film) at Rotten Tomatoes