# The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is a 1990 action comedy film about a "rock n' roll" detective who solves crimes in Los Angeles' music scene. The movie starred comedian Andrew 'Dice' Clay, as Ford Fairlane.
    Directed by Renny Harlin. Written by Joel Silver, Daniel Waters and Steve Perry

## Ford Fairlane

* Un-fucking-believable!
* So many assholes, so few bullets.
* Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my Dick Tracy?!
* I am so terrifical, I even have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
* Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's]
* What are you two, Neil and Bob? Or is that like what you do?
* Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead.
* [notices his strat] Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar. I found my guitar. [brings it closer and notices it's scratched] It's all scratched up. It's all scratched up.

## Others

* Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss.
* Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup.

## Dialogue

    Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye.
    Ford: You're a poet and you didn't know it.
    Melodi: You heard Bobby Black OD'd, right?
    Ford: Yeah, so?
    Melodi: Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
    Ford: I'll let you know when someone pays me to give a shit and stuff.
    Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater?
    Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe!
    Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin.
    Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. Get lost!
    Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me?
    Ford: Excuse me! You say the "F" word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here.
    Kid: I got something serious to discuss.
    Ford: Yeah? What is it? Premature ejaculation?
    Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick.
    Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you?
    Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy.
    Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh--
    Ford: How much?
    Scalper: 300.
    Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one.
    Scalper: Hey, they blew me.
    Ford: 300 coming up!
    Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me.
    Zu Zu Petals: I don't now.
    Ford: Talk to me!
    Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on her knees] Help me!
    Ford: Hey baby, a simple thank you would suffice.
    Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you!
    Zu Zu Petals: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
    Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
    Ford: MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!!

## Taglines

* Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps.
* He's on the money, off the record, and over the top.
* Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
* Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
* Private Detective. Public Offender.

## Cast

* Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane
* Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel
* Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton
* Lauren Holly - Jazz
* Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch
* Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals
* David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag
* Brandon Call - The Kid
* Robert Englund - Smiley
* Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos
* Vince Neil-Bobby Black
* Morris Day - Don Cleveland
* Sheila E. - Club singer
* Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala)
* Kari Wuhrer - Melodi
* Linda Atkinson - Nona'
* William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger
* Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger

## External links

* The Adventures of Ford Fairlane quotes at the Internet Movie Database