# Will & Grace (season 11)

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Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.

### Eat, Pray, Love, Phone, Sex [11.01]

    Will: Oh, Karen, hi. Sorry, I must have butt-dialed.
    Karen: Is there anything you people's butts can't do?
    Will: So far, I've yet to be disappointed.
    Karen: Silence! I need everyone's attention, because I've got big boobs... I mean, big news... but then again, look at 'em!

### Pappa Mia [11.02]

    Jack: [about Will & McCoy's baby] Wow, lucky kid - having two dads, just like Jesus.
    Will: And she'll have a Mary right across the hall.
    Jack: This one ain't a virgin.
    Jack: I used to love watching the guys play basketball in high school, especially when it was skirts and skins.
    Will: You mean shirts and skins.
    Jack: [pause] No wonder I got beat up so much.

### With Enemies Like These [11.03]

    Grace: PostMates, EasyEats, GrubHub… it's the lazy, hungry person's Renaissance.
    Karen: Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away from all your dreams coming true.
    Karen: You know, Stanley always thought you never came around because you were a little sweet on me.
    Danley: Me? Sweet on my brother’s wife? I was always the bigger man.
    Karen: That’s not physically possible. And I think he was right.
    Danley: You do look stunning, I'll give you that... like a statue by Bernini that some kids have drawn huge gazongas on.

### The Chick or the Egg Donor [11.04]

    Karen: There's so much I don't know about baseball. Like, is there a "base-boobs" or "-oral"?
    Jack: It depends. Are we talking gay or straight bases? Because we're dealing with different equipment.
    Will: Hi. I did bring you flowers, but I had to give them to the woman next door when I walked in on her. I was guessing which room you were in. I guessed wrong.
    Grace: Every woman loves flowers.
    Will: I don't think she'll like the card about dust bunnies in her uterus.

### The Grief Panda [11.05]

    Friday: She's hard on the outside, but inside Mrs. Walker is filled with candy and glitter, like a unicorn's colon.
    Grace: I love how passionate you are about your team. I haven't seen you this excited about something since that Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.
    Karen: If it had been raining Vermouth, I would've believed in God.

### Performance Anxiety [11.06]

    Karen: So, you have an egg donor, but this other woman's going to carry your gay baby for nine months. How much is making God cry going to cost you?
    Jack: Oh crap, Jerry Sussman's here. He used to be a catty audition accompanist, then he made it big, and now he's a big, huge pianist.
    Grace: [smirks] Uh, what was that?
    Jack: A big, huge, pian… OK, I just heard that, that's amazing!

### What A Dump [11.07]

    Jack: Oh, you are crafty. You brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene.
    Will: I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene, and I wanted you to blend in.
    Estefan: Who would want Jack to grow up? Will, sit down. In Spain, we have a story about a boy who is forever young, he never grows up, and he wears tights.
    Will: Yeah, it's Peter Pan.
    Estefan: No, in our version this forever boy fights a pirate with a hook for a hand, and his best friend is a teeny, tiny fairy.
    Will: That's Peter Pan.
    Estefan: No, "Pedro" escapes to "Nunca Nunca Land"...
    Will: That means he escapes to "Never Never Land". It's Peter Pan!
    Estefan: You are wrong. Anyway, that is not the point. The point is, Jack should never grow up. He reminds us all what it feels like to be young.
    Will: [sighs] I can't argue with you there.
    Estefan: It's just like Pedro said, "Yo nunca quiero ser adulto".
    Will: "I won't grow up"! It's Peter Pan!

### Lies & Whispers [11.08]

    Farhan: If I may ask, how old is your child, and how do they identify?
    Will: Oh, well, no children yet. Grace's is due in April, mine in May, and my pronouns are "he" and "is terrified".
    Grace: Thank you so much for seeing me again, Headmistress Hinderhagen.
    Headmistress Hinderhagen: Of course.
    Grace: I know how important diversity is to this school.
    Headmistress Hinderhagen: It is. And your child would be diverse, how exactly?
    Grace: I'm just gonna bottom-line it: I don't know who the father is. So, girl to girl, tell me what diversity you're looking for, because I've probably slept with it.

### Bi-Plane [11.09]

    Friday: I think you're having a panic attack. I get them all the time, like during a power outage, or when my mom sends her dogs after me. It's my fault - you shouldn't assume you're invited to Thanksgiving.
    Karen: I can't die in coach! They'll find my body with the poors, all mixed in with the Tater Tots and the Crocs!

### Of Mouse and Men [11.10]

    Will: Karen, can you hear me? I just got in the locker room, and I gotta say, it's pretty cool. The bats and the balls and the cute, sweaty guys... throw in a bathtub full of poppers and a famous Scientologist, and it's every gay club in the 80s.
    Grace: Oh, my God - you don't want a designer, you want my baby!
    Marilyn: Well, maybe if you don't over-react, they'll want both.

### Accidentally on Porpoise [11.11]

    Jack: C'mon, I know just the place. Let's go.
    Will: Fine. I can't wait to see what filthy, depraved hellhole you're taking me to.
    Karen: As long as there's a drag queen calling out Bingo numbers, I'm happy.
    Grace: I am so, so sorry.
    James: No, I'm sorry. I got angry with you, but you were right, it was just an accident. So, I'm here to say... can we try again?
    Grace: [aghast] What? Are you out of your mind? I slept with your son and your father, and you forgave me. I pooped your apartment to death, and you forgave me. But now I violated a porpoise, got you fired, and ended a species!
    James: And I forgive you.
    [she slaps him]
    Grace: What is wrong with you?
    James: I think I'm falling for you!
    Grace: Well, raise your standards, man! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't be with someone who has such terrible taste in women.

### Filthy Phil Part I [11.12]

    Phil: Will, this is for you. [hands him a bottle of wine] Karen told me you were a big, bold, complex guy - like this Cabernet.
    Karen: Don't forget fruity and gives you a headache.
    Phil: And Grace. [hands her a bouquet of flowers] Here's something beautiful and delicate, like yourself.
    Karen: Don't forget slightly wilted and covered in bees.
    Karen: Honey, thank God you called!
    Grace: Karen, what's wrong?
    Karen: I don't know where I am! It's so dark. I think I hear a seagull, and a foghorn...
    Will: Karen, hang on!
    Will: We're going to trace this call.
    Karen: Ha-ha, busted! Leave a message! [phone message beeps]
    Grace: I fell for that yesterday.

### Filthy Phil, Part II [11.13]

    Dexter Murphy: So, I'll get right to it, Mr. McFarland - how do you plan on keeping an iconic institution like CoCo's open without Coco?
    Jack: Oh, they'll still come. I'm not changing anything. We're just under new management. The bar is transitioning - like half our patrons.
    Dexter Murphy: [offended] Do you think people who are transitioning are funny?
    Jack: Oh, God, no! They have no sense of humor!
    Grace: Why would Phil go through all this? That's what I don't get.
    Will: The money. They're always after the money.
    Grace: Yeah, but he's so handsome, though. You'd think he could get money out of women without killing them. I mean, that body, after 40... I'd give him my debit card.

### The Gift [11.14]

    Jack: Once again, it's my mother's birthday, and I have no idea what to get her.
    Grace: Just don't try to be cute. One year, I told my mother I was her gift, and she asked if I came with a receipt.
    Jack: You thought that was cute?
    Karen: I've gotta get my ring back. Stan gave it to me the night we bought our first election.

### Broadway Boundaries [11.15]

    Will: Good morning. Welcome to our gender reveal breakfast. It's a big moment. We are one prick away from finding out on of the most important...
    Jack: Yeah, can we move this along? Lots to do today.
    Will: Sorry, we are two pricks away from finding out.
    Grace: Hello, this is Grace Adler. I'm a patient of Dr. Sapirstein's and I'm calling to find out the gender of my baby.
    Nurse Sheila: Yeah, you're gonna wanna check between the legs. If it's an outie, it's a boy. If it's an innie, it's a girl. And if it's both, please take a picture and send it to me - I've always wanted to see one of those.
    Grace: No, I'm pregnant.
    Nurse Sheila: Okay, well then, you're a girl. Does that help?

### We Love Lucy [11.16]

    Will: I say this with love, but sometimes living with you is like being stuck in an episode of I Love Lucy.
    Grace: Well yeah, because I'm the kooky redhead everyone loves, and you're the guy who overreacts to every little thing I do.
    Will: If you're comparing me to Ricky, I'll take that as a compliment. He was always my favorite.
    Grace: That's because you had a crush on him.
    Grace: Look at me! I went as Lucy last year for Halloween.
    Jack: So did I.
    Will: Grace also attempted a "Slutty Lucy" in college that ended in tears.
    Jack: So did I.

### New Crib [11.17]

    Jack: You know, Blattsville Creamery named a flavor of ice cream after Karen.
    Will: Ooh, does it taste like gin, or blood?
    Karen: Both. It's a swirl.
    [Will and Grace have decided to buy a house together]
    Grace: Wait, wait - what if one of us meets someone?
    Will: We'll figure that out. And then, y'know, I'll move in with him.
    Grace: Why are you the one who meets someone?
    Will: It's not me, it's society. I mean, you're a gassy woman over 40 with a kid. The odds aren't great.
    Grace: This is Upstate New York - I'm, like, a 9 here! People don't even think I'm pregnant!

### It's Time [11.18]

    Jack: My dream of taking a bow on a Broadway stage is only a car accident, a death in the family, and a respiratory infection away from coming true!
    Will: [embracing Jack] There he is, our Broadway star!
    Grace: Jack, you were awesome! And Karen, you and Stan - are you happy?
    Karen: I am. There are a hundred reasons Stan and I shouldn't be together, and 7.3 billion reasons why we should.
    Jack: Aww, I love love. C'mon, everybody, shift it. It's time to get to the cast party I'm hosting.
    Grace: [suddenly serious] It's time.
    Jack: Yeah, I just said that. Everyone has to bring a bag of chips, whatever they want to drink, an entrée, and a barbecue if you have one.
    Grace: No - It's time.
    Karen: Honey, I think our girl's getting ready to have her litter.
    Will: You're sure?
    Grace: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.
    Will: Oh my God, I'm gonna be an uncle!
    Jack: I'm gonna be an aunt!
    Karen: I'm gonna be richer!
    [the three of them embrace]
    Grace: Hey, let me in. It's kinda my moment.
    [they all embrace her]
    Will: [to Jack and Karen] Okay, you guys get the elevator. [to Grace] Are you ready for this?
    Grace: One hundred percent, no.
    Will: You're gonna be great. We are gonna be great.