# Igor (film)

Igor is a 2008 computer-animated science fantasy film about the stock character Igor, dreaming to win first place at the Evil Science Fair. It was produced by Exodus Film Group and animated by Sparx Animation Studios and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer released it on September 19, 2008, and it grossed $30.7 million on a $25 million budget. It is MGM's first fully computer-animated film, as well as the studio's first animated film in twelve years, following 1996's All Dogs Go to Heaven 2.

## Igor

* Hi, I'm here about the "Igor Wanted" ad. My name's Igor. Well, of course it is. I have a hunch, what's my name gonna be? Kevin?
* As somebody I loved once said: It's better to be a good nobody, than an evil somebody.
* That's Scamper, one of my most successful inventions. [Scamper drops a giant weight on himself, flattening himself] I made him immortal, which is kind of a hassle for him, since he doesn't want to live.
* That's Brain, one of my other inventions. Legend has it when the smartest man in the world died, they put his brain in a jar... this is not that brain.
* Okay, monster. I command you to kill that fly. Kill it! Kill it! Kill it, girl! Come on! You're a killer! Maim it! Wound it! Insult it! Something! Kill it! Kill it! Kill, kill, kill!
* Monster want a brain wash?
* For generations, King Malbert has kept us in the dark, by creating the clouds with a weather ray! He lied to us! We trusted him and he lied to us! He tricked us into thinking we need to be evil to survive. But we don't! None of us do.
* [While attempting to kill Brain] YOU MADE MY MONSTER AN ACTRESS?!?!

## Eva

* As an actor, I feel VERY deeply about everything. And enjoy every minute of it.
* Which play are they rehearsing?
* You're upset. I know... 'who's the strange woman living with Igor?' But, I assure you, Igor and I are just friends. As his girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.
* I'm not evil. [pause] I'm Eva. (Igor: That is the correct answer.)

## Dialogue

    [first lines]
    Igor: [voice over] Nice weather we're having, huh? Here in the Kingdom of Malaria, every day's forecast is rainy, with a 100% chance of horror! It wasn't always like this, though. Years ago, Malaria was a sunny land of farmers, until the mysterious storm clouds rolled in, and never left. They killed our crops, and our people became poor. And that's when King Malbert thought up a new way for us to make money: Evil Inventions! The kind that crush you, kill you, bring you back to life, then kill you again way worse! We invent them, and the world pays us not to unleash them. Oh, it's a great gig, especially if you're an evil scientist. Fame, fortune, a rent-free castle in the hills. They get it all! They're the top of the heap!
    Dr. Holzwurm: Igor, pull the switch!
    Dr. Holzwurm's Igor: Yes, Master.
    Igor: [voice over] And the bottom of the heap? Those are the poor schlobs like me, born with a hunch on our back, Igors. Actually, that Igor's not me.
    Dr. Herzschlag: Igor, pull the switch!
    Dr. Herzschlag's Igor: Yes, Master!
    Igor: [voice over] No, no, no, that's not me, either. That's me. See? I look nothing like those guys, much better looking. Anyway, all Igors are forced to serve evil scientists. Our life is a permanent graveyard shift. But I never wanted to be an Igor. I always wanted to be an evil scientist. Unfortunately, the hunch on my back was a one-way ticket to… Igor School. I majored in Talking With A Slur and graduated with a Yes Masters Degree. Then it was off to find a job.
    Igor: [voice over] They didn't appreciate my creative style. But eventually I landed a job for Dr. Glickenstein.
    Dr. Glickenstein: Pull the switch!
    Igor: [voice over] Not the smartest scientist. His last invention was an Evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
    Brain: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Why does *he* get to pull the switch?
    Scamper: Because I'm not an idiot, Brian.
    Brain: My name is not Brian!
    Scamper: Then you must have his jar.
    Igor: Stop! You can both pull the switch. On the count of three. One...
    [Scamper pulls the switch]
    Brain: Hey, no fair!
    Dr. Glickenstein: [last words before his death] Now to take the old cow for a test drive!
    Igor: No, Master! The rocket is going to...!
    [The rocket explodes, scattering pieces of Glickenstein everywhere]
    Igor: Uh, yeah, that.
    Scamper: Finally! Now I can throw out that rug in the foyer, that thing is hideous. [off their looks] We were all thinking it, I just said it.
    Eva: We haven't met. Hi, I'm Eva.
    [They both extends hand]
    Heidi: [whimpers]
    Eva: You're upset. I know... 'who's the strange woman living with Igor?' But, I assure you, Igor and I are just friends. As his girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.
    Heidi: I'm not his girlfriend.
    Eva: You're not? But the way he looks at you... he never looks at me that way.
    Heidi: Maybe... some men like women, who don't look like they were put together in the junkyard.
    [pause]
    Eva: Right.
    Heidi: You have a very ugly face.
    King Malbert: [after the sun comes out, and Eva stored to her good-natured self] WAIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING!
    Igor: The end of Malaria's evil role in the world.
    Carl Cristall: Camera 2. [camera focuses on Igor]
    Igor: Oh, uhh, oh, excellent, uh, thank you. Uhh... For generations, King Malbert has kept us in the dark, by creating the clouds, with a weather ray. He lied to us! We trusted him, and he lied to us! He tricked us into thinking we needed to be evil to survive, but we don't! None of us do.
    [The audience boo annoyingly at King Malbert for deceiving them]
    King Malbert: [last words before his death] THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, HE HAS NO PROOF! WHERE'S HIS PROOF? I DEMAND TO SEE PROOF! [The weather ray falls] I DEMAND TO SEE... [gasps]
    [The weather ray crushes King Malbert off-screen]
    Brain: Oops.
    Scamper: Eh. [walks off] I'm sure he's fine.
    Dr. Schadenfreude: Long live King Schadenfreude! Everybody! King Malbert the liar is dead! Long live King Schadenfreude! Everybody say "Long live--" [Eva stomps causing Schadenfreude to fall off the king's balcony]

## Taglines

* He's got a monster of a problem.
* All men aren't created Evil.

## Cast

* John Cusack as Igor
* Molly Shannon as Eva
* Steve Buscemi as Scamper
* Sean Hayes as Brain
* Jennifer Coolidge as Jaclyn / Heidi
* Eddie Izzard as Dr. Schadenfreude
* Jay Leno as King Malbert
* Arsenio Hall as Carl Cristall
* Christian Slater as Dr. Schadenfreude's Igor
* John Cleese as Dr. Glickenstein
* Paul Vogt as Buzz Offmann
* James Lipton as Himself
* Jess Harnell as Announcer, Royal Guard #2