# JAG (season 5)

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JAG (1995–2005), is an American TV series about fictional events at the Navy's Judge Advocate General's Corps. JAG is an elite legal wing of officers trained as lawyers who investigate, prosecute and defend those accused of crimes in the military, including murder, treason and terrorism. Most of the stories focus on the highs and lows of Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., a hot-shot fighter pilot-turned lawyer who brings his fly-boy mentality to the courtroom, and Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, a tough, by-the-book Marine who often clashes with him, in and out of the courtroom.

## Rules of Engagement: Part 2 [5.2]

    SecNav: Commander Rabb was there?
    Adm. Chegwidden: Apparently he was close by. He was not involved in the action.
    SecNav: Well, that'd be a first!
    Harm: So how was your trip?(sees her rank) Lieutenant colonel? (salutes) Ma'am.
    Mac: Well, this just happened. I was gonna tell you.
    Harm: My heartiest congratulations, ma'am.
    Mac: Thank you, commander. At ease. Can we get to work now? I could really use your help on this investigation. You know, the Russians are screaming bloody murder. The Pentagon doesn't know whether to go to war or dig a hole in the sand.
    Harm: Well, I'm no longer with the JAG Corps, ma'am. I'm an aviator.
    Mac: Oh, so you're not one of us, you're one of them.
    Harm: I will, of course, obey any lawful orders that you give me, ma'am.
    Mac: I will try to keep them all lawful, then.
    Harm: Aye, aye, ma'am.

## True Callings [5.3]

    Lt. Elizabeth 'Skates' Hawkes: Harm, if I can survive your crazy stunts, I can survive *anything*!

## The Return [5.4]

    Brumby: If you lose, Harm, you'll always be known as the man who let the SECNAV's son go to prison.
    Harm: Well, you'll be the guy who put him there, Brumby.
    Mac: So, how does it feel? Being back?
    Harm: Like I left yesterday, and I've been gone a hundred years.
    Mac: Yeah, I know the feeling. Except, you know, when I came back, I was condemned to writing mindless motions for a month.

## Front and Center [5.5]

    Rabb: [speaking to Mac] No man is interested in being friends with a woman who looks like you.

## Contemptuous Words [5.9]

    Colonel: What exactly is your connection with Clark Palmer?
    Harm: He's kidnapped me, sir. He's tried to kill me. He tried to trick me into shooting my former girlfriend. He's a sociopath who's made me his hobby, colonel.

## Mishap [5.10]

    Harm: Admiral, about the complaint...
    AJ: I’ll just file it here with all the others.
    Capt. Ingles: You smoke, commander?
    Harm: No, sir, I gave it up.
    Capt. Ingles: What for? A woman?
    Harm: I didn't like being addicted, captain.

## Into the Breech [5.12]

    Mac: Do you remember what it was like, Harm? Trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in, or did that just come easy to you?
    Harm: You know, sometimes I think I missed out on being a kid. Having a father that was MIA, I was always trying to be the man of the house, you know? I guess I should have been at a disco, or...
    Mac: Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve seen you dance.

## Cabin Pressure [5.14]

    Adm. Chegwidden: Why do you keep sending me reminder memos?
    Mac: Excuse me, sir?
    Adm. Chegwidden: And why are they in large type?
    Mac: Well, sir, you have, on occasion—
    Adm. Chegwidden: -- Misplaced my reading glasses.
    Mac: It's just in case, sir.
    Adm. Chegwidden: You know, colonel, I've always respected your objectivity.
    Mac: Thank you, sir.
    Adm. Chegwidden: Am I slowing down?
    Mac: Sir, as we age, our physical skills diminish.
    Adm. Chegwidden: Wrong answer.
    Mac: But our hearts grow stronger.
    Adm. Chegwidden: New Age mumbo jumbo. Well, hell, that's what I tell myself anyway. I'm glad you agree. Thanks.
    Mac: Don't mention it, sir.
    Adm. Chegwidden: I won't. And incidentally, if you do, to anyone, I'll be on your 6 faster than a surface-to-air missile.
    Mac: Understood, sir.

## Boomerang
### Part 1 [5.15]

    Mic Brumby: Sorry about the dirt, mate, I was in the outback. I’ll give her a wash up on the weekend.
    Harm: Are we going on a safari, commander?
    Mic: Down here we call it going bush. I do it on the weekends. 'Roo-bar on the front, snorkel for crossing streams. I got a radio...
    Harm: To call for help when you get lost?
    Mic: Care to give her a try, commander?
    Harm: Yeah.
    Mic: Oh, we drive on the left. Might be a bit much for you, especially after the long flight.
    Harm: I slept most of the way. (He takes the keys, and opens the passenger side door.)
    Mic: Wheel’s on the other side, mate.
    Harm: I know that. I’m opening the door for you.
    Mic: Better fasten your seatbelt, Bud. Driving on the left side takes a bit of getting used to.
    Seaman: Begging your pardon, sir, but in Australia, we drive on the left hand side of the road.
    Harm: Why didn’t you tell me?
    (Mic rolls his eyes.)
    Seaman: ID please.
    (Mic shows him his ID.)
    Seaman: Thank you, sir.
    Mic: Thanks, leader.
    (Harm drives through, still on the right.)
    Mic: Left, Harm, left.
    Mic: That’s my spot up ahead, between those two cars, mate. Better let me park it.
    Bud: I think that would probably be a good idea, sir.
    Harm: I’ll give it a try. (He proceeds to park the car perfectly. He gets out.) My stepfather had a cottage in the Bahamas, that’s where I learned to drive. (He throws to keys to Mic and walks away.)
    Bud: Sir, don’t they drive on the left hand side of the road in the Bahamas?
    Mic: Bloody hell.
    Harm: Why didn’t somebody from his ship identify the body?
    Mic: Harbour sharks had a feed on him.
    Bud: There are sharks in the harbour?
    Mic: It’s Australia, mate. There’s sharks in the bathtub.

### Part 2 [5.16]
## The Witches of Gulfport [5.21]

    Mac: You’re worried or jealous?
    Mic: I don’t get jealous.
    Mac: Yeah, neither do I.
    Mic: Oh, beauty. Then I can keep my mistress.
    Mac: Can I keep mine?

## Overdue and Presumed Lost [5.22]

    Harm: Sir, if there's any way I can aid in...
    Adm. Chegwidden: As a matter of fact, there is. I've got an appointment with the Armed Services Committee about my annual budget proposal. You'll pinch hit for me. We need a 4.3% increase.
    Harm: Admiral, I hardly distinguished myself the last time I entered into that arena, sir.
    Adm. Chegwidden: Don't be modest, commander. You got the funds to repair the hole you shot in the courtroom ceiling.
    "On the 100th anniversary of the United States Navy's first submarine, we dedicate this episode to the warriors, past and present, who have always run silent, run deep" -- Onscreen dedication.

## Body Talk [5.24]

    (AJ is on the phone.)
    Woman: Welcome to Arlington National Cemetery. We are open 365 days of the year. A menu of options follows. Press 1 to schedule an interment or inurnment. Press 2 for gravesite locations. Press 3... (AJ presses a button.) Press 1 to schedule an inurnment. Press 2 to schedule a ground burial. (AJ presses a button.) Interment processing. Please provide the following information. Speak slowly and clearly. What are the last four digits of your social security number?
    AJ: 9852.
    Woman: What is your height?
    AJ: Six foot three inches.
    Woman: How deep would you like your plot?
    AJ: What?
    Woman: When will you be expecting to need it?
    AJ: Good God. (Hangs up the phone.)

## Surface Warfare [5.25]

    Adm. Chegwidden: She wants a chance to talk to my friends. Are we friends here?
    Harm: I’d like to think so, sir.
    Adm. Chegwidden: I don’t think friends call each other ‘sir’.