# The Simpsons/Season 29

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The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

### The Serfsons

    [Marge cooks food for her family]
    Homer: Aw, water soup again?
    [Marge knocks out a three eyed crow and adds it to the soup]
    Marge: Now, it's crow soup.
    Homer: Ooh, I call an eye!
    Lisa: Me too!
    Bart: Me three!
    Marge: And Maggie gets the break.
    [Marge plucks the beak out and gives it to Maggie]
    Maggie: Aaaeeey! Uh-Ah!
    [Maggie uses the beak as a passy and sucks on it]
    Lisa: Lousy nobles. We serfs are starving, while they're feasting and jousting and posing for tapestries, where they're friends with a unicorn. As if any unicorn would like them. Unicorns like nice people. I'm a nice person.
    [Homer pokes his father's spider web, looking for his mother-in-law's]
    Grandpa: Son, is that you?
    Homer: No.

### Whistler's Father

    Bart: Isn't this great,baby alone time. Where's Maggie’s Peek-a-boo.
    Lisa: Well, what do you think of my late pick-up room?
    Ned: It's wonderful, hard to believe it's the same room they found all those dead rats in.
    Lisa: Maggie, you can whistle? (she gasps surprisingly at Maggie's talent.) you're gifted too, maybe more gifted!

### Treehouse of Horror XXVIII

    Lisa: No one ever wants the apple. They must be afraid there's a razor blade in me.
    Bart: [sarcastic] Yeah, THAT'S the reason.
    [Homer eats a living chocolate bunny, who screams in pain]
    Lisa: Daaaad! I can't listen to this horror!
    Homer: Okay, I'm onto it.
    [Homer bites the mouth off]
    Lisa: Thank you.
    Marge: Maggie, sweetie. You should be in bed.
    [Maggie is revealed to be possessed by Pazuzu]
    Maggie: No one leaves alive!
    Marge: Ooooh, her first words!
    Dr. Hibbert: Someone's starting their terrible twos. [chuckles]
    Maggie: Someone's having an affair with his nurse!
    [Bernice glares at Hibbert, who quickly takes out a thermometer]
    Dr. Hibbert: Say "Ahh!"
    Maggie: Aaaahhhh-DULTERER!
    Maggie: [possessed] I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind!
    Lisa: Wait, wait, so you're not even as powerful as the south wind or the west wind? How lame is that?
    Maggie: I used to be very important. Google it!

### The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be

    Helen: She's completely cooked. Unlike the children she brought to the potluck.
    Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, Helen is a bitter as the lemonade she brought to the potluck. What a terrible potluck that was.
    Sideshow Mel: Why wasn't this a town hall event? I like to see them balance on the stools.
    Homer: Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer?
    Marge: Homer Simpson, the only time you shut your mouth is to keep food inside!

### Singin' in the Lane

    Reynolds: Well, here's $400, and screw you.
    Bart: Wow. I finally found my path in life: socio.

### Mr. Lisa's Opus

    Homer: Why you little --
    Bart: I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home.
    Homer: Why you disappointing --
    Bart: You know, you're choking someone who can vote.
    Homer: But did you vote?
    Bart: No.
    Homer: Why you little --
    Homer: Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters. They sit peacefully for years, until they explode in a fireball, ruining everything you own.

### Gone Boy

    Bart: Nothing good ever comes from trying.

### Haw Haw Land

    Otto: I brought my stems.
    [Otto opens his coat to reveal a bag with stems in it]
    Security Guard: Sir, this is a conference of science, technology, engineering, and math. [the points to a STEM sign]
    [Otto walks to a DOPE sign]
    Otto: But what about this one?
    [Dr. Hibbert walks out of the room next to the DOPE sign]
    Dr. Hibbert: Dialogue on pedriatric education.

### Frink Gets Testy

    Mr. Burns: I need you to tell me who is worthy of surviving the Apocalypse with me. I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy.

### Homer is Where the Art Isn't

    Mayor Quimby: Did you know we had to lay off a third of the police force? That's right: Eddie.
    Eddie: I used to have a gun!
    Manacek: Your story had everything: a field trip, a dream sequence, Sideshow Mel.

### No Good Read Goes Unpunished

    Marge: We're going to spend family time together without watching TV.
    Lisa: Mom is right - Americans watch way too much TV. How many hours? Let me Google that. [uses her iPhone and laughs] Instead of TV, I typed "TB"! Let me Google that!
    [The family all start using their iPhones and consoles, to Marge's annoyance]
    Marge: Turn off the devices, pronto!
    Lisa: "Pronto!" Odd word. Let me Google that.
    Bart: Hey, I'm doing something educational.
    Marge: Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
    Bart: It's Tunnelcraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
    Marge: Can you die in it?
    Bart: Yes.
    Marge: It's a video game!
    [The Simpsons are in a book store]
    Homer: [reading book title] "Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon".
    Library Owner: Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!
    Lisa: Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do? [glances at a picture of Apu]
    Marge: Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
    Lisa: If at all.

### King Leer

    Homer: If the beer's in a frosted mug, you're not alcoholic, you're an aficionado.
    Marge: Homer, what's your favorite movie?
    Homer: Fast and Furious 6.
    Marge: And what's the theme of that movie?
    Homer: Cars.
    Marge: What was the OTHER theme?
    Homer: [gasps] Family.

### Lisa Gets the Blues

    Homer: Well, we did it, kids. And the best thing is, the next episode will beat Gunsmoke.
    Bart: What about all the episodes they made on the radio?
    Homer: [mad] Have a beignet.

### Forgive and Regret

    Lisa: Oh, I hate confrontation.
    [shivers then nervously glances at Bart]
    Bart: So just leave your body.
    Lisa: Ok.
    [Lisa leaves her body and appears as a spirit]
    Lisa: Oh my god! - Hey!
    [camera pans downward to see Bart slapping Lisa's face. Lisa possesses herself back and pushes Bart]

### Left Behind

    Ned: [plays Christian parody rock music in the car]
    Homer: Maybe we should talk.
    Ned: Well, of course, my friend! Wanna talk about Jesus?
    Homer: No.
    Ned: Wanna talk about Ecclesiastes?
    Homer: No.
    Ned: Wanna talk about baby Jesus?
    Homer: [turns Christian rock back on]

### Flanders' Ladder

    [As the family hook up the VCR]
    Bart: Gross, the remote has a cord on it!
    Homer: My first remote. Coincidentally, the same time I got fat.
    Maude Flanders' Ghost: You've got to talk to me, Bart.
    Bart: Leave me alone, leave me alone! The power of Homer's socks compels you!
    [He holds them up; Maude screams and flees]
    [Nelson and his gang confront Homer, wearing Ghostface masks and armed with T-shirt cannons]
    Nelson: Maude Flanders says hello.
    Homer: [cheerfully] Hello!
    [They fire T-shirts at him, knocking him down]
    Nelson: Let's move! [they leave]
    Maude Flanders' Ghost: Thank you, Bart. I'm finally at peace. [starts to float away]
    Bart: You know Ned remarried?
    Maude Flanders' Ghost: He WHAT?!