# Beavis and Butt-head Do America

Beavis and Butt-head Do America is a 1996 American animated road comedy film, based on the TV series Beavis and Butt-head. It was produced by Paramount Pictures in association with 20th Century Fox and MTV Films, and co-written and directed by creator Mike Judge and Brad Bird
Pilots • Seasons 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • Specials • Music videos • MTV programming • Feature film • Sequel film • Album • Main

## Agent Bork

* Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself Cornholio. Guess who matches the description.

## Agent Flemming

* Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork.

## Muddy Grimes

* [about to kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert] Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
* [about to kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert] I'm gonna blow you both to Hell, that's what I'm gonna do!

## Dallas Grimes

* 10 Grand. Oh, that Cheap-Ass.

## Beavis

* [as his Cornholio persona] Are you threatening me? — I am Cornholio!
* I am the great Cornholio! — I'm a gringo! — I have no bunghole.
* I am Cornholio! — You will cooperate with my bunghole! — For there is but one bunghole: the almighty bunghole.
* Hey Butt-head, this book is pretty cool. There's a naked chick, a talking snake, and this dude wears a leaf over his schlong.

## Butt-head

* Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces, too.
** Directed at then-first daughter Chelsea Clinton
* This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
** In reference to automatic-flush urinals
* Hey, Beavis. Check it out. I'm jacking off.
** After discovering a car jack in the trunk of Muddy's car
* The sun sucks.

## Dialogue

    Beavis: Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!
    Bus Driver: Hey, buddy, sit down.
    Beavis: Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score. It's just not gonna happen! We're just gonna get old like these people... but they've probably scored!
    Bus Driver: Hey, I'm warnin' you! SIT DOWN!
    Beavis: [motioning to Martha] It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!
    Martha's Husband: [nodding] Oh, yeah.
    Beavis: But not us. We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!
    Bus Driver: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, NUMB-NUTS! ONCE MORE AND I'LL--UNH!
    Beavis: KICK YOUR ASS!
    Van Driessen: You know, this could be a really positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover we don't need TV to entertain us.
    Butt-head: Uh-huh huh huh! He said "anus"!
    Beavis: "Entert-ain us", "ainus". Oh yeah! [laughs]
    Van Driessen: [sighs in annoyance] Have you guys heard a word I've said?
    Butt-head: Uhh, yeah! Anus! [laughs]
    Beavis: Yeah! I heard it too! [laughs]
    Van Driessen: Look, guys, just take the TV back to the AV room right now. And try to be a little more open to life's experiences, okay?
    Butt-head: What a dork.
    Butt-head: [Beavis and Butt-head roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks] That was cool. Huh huh huh.
    Beavis: No, it wasn't.
    Butt-head: Uh, oh, yeah.
    Tom Anderson: [a roadblock has been set up by the ATF. They are stopping anyone who might know the whereabouts of Beavis and Butt-head. Tom and Marcie pull up to the ATF agent] Somethin' wrong, Officer?
    ATF Agent: [holds up a picture of Beavis & Butt-head] Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
    Tom Anderson: Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whackin' in my camper.
    ATF Agent: You saw these two?
    Tom Anderson: I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whackin'.
    ATF Agent: [speaking on his walkie-talkie] Blue Den, this is post 9; I have positive ID.
    Tom Anderson: Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, I'll tell ya—.
    ATF Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
    Tom Anderson: Well now, wait a minute. Me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington D.C., and–
    ATF Agent: [points a gun at Tom Anderson] NOW!!
    Tom Anderson: [ATF agents are aggressively searching through Tom and Marcie's camper] Now, wait right there. You're dealin' with a veteran of 2 foreign wars. They're the ones been whackin'. I find anything broken in there, you and I are gonna tangle.
    Agent Flemming: Masturbating in the man's camper. We're dealing with two sick individuals. I want that camper torn apart, full cavity searches all around. [Agent Hurly dons a glove] [Tom Anderson: [off-screen] You can't do this!]
    Something tells me he could be involved.
    Tom Anderson: [Being led away by ATF agents] What in the hell--now wait just a minute!
    Agent Bork: Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself "Cornholio." Guess who matches the description? [Bork shows a picture of Beavis in his Cornholio persona to Flemming]
    Agent Flemming: Finally, a real break. Get me that flash point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass.
    Muddy Grimes: Well, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
    Butt-head: I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
    Muddy Grimes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
    Butt-head: Cool. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, y'know, um... heh heh. Y'know.
    Muddy Grimes: Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with ya? Y'know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of ya. NOW!!
    Butt-head: Boy, it sure is hard to score.
    Beavis: Yeah, really.
    Concierge: [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room] I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
    Beavis: [sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it] Damn it. This thing is stuck.
    Concierge: Sir, it's attached to the...
    Butt-head: You dumb-ass, let me try.
    Beavis: [stops] Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there. [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
    Butt-head: Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb.
    Beavis: Yeah, really.
    Butt-head: [notices the door to the adjoining room, which just happens to be Dallas'] Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
    Beavis: Really? Cool! Neat!
    Dallas Grimes: [Grabs Beavis and Butt-head and holds a gun on them] Alright, who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
    Beavis: Hey Butt-head, it's her!
    Butt-head: Whoa! Uh, huh huh. Hey baby are we like, gonna do it? Uh, huh, huh huh.
    Dallas Grimes: [cocks the gun] You got two seconds!
    Butt-head: Uh, is that gonna be enough time?
    Dallas Grimes: [grabs him and pulls him up to her] Who sent you?
    Butt-head: Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was gonna pay us to do you?
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah! [laughs]
    Dallas Grimes: [realizes who they're talking about] Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he payin' you?
    Butt-head: Uh... 10, uh... [Dallas mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for the hit men who are hunting her]
    Dallas Grimes: 10 grand? [scoffs] Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
    Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way.
    Beavis: I don't know, Butt-head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
    Beavis: I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.
    Beavis: This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
    Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.
    Mötley Crüe Roadie #1 (Butt-head's Dad): Hey, one of you bastards got a match?
    Butt-head: Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.
    Butt-head: [dying in the desert] Whoa, I think my life is, like, flashing in front of my eyes. [shows Beavis and Butt-head from infancy to now, sitting on the couch, giggling and watching TV] Whoa. My life was cool.
    Mötley Crüe Roadie #1 (Butt-head's Dad): [sitting around a camp fire eating beans] Hey, you wanna see somethin' really cool? [farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
    Beavis: FIRE!
    [checking out Chelsea Clinton]
    Butt-head: Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces too. [knocks him out her bedroom window into the bushes below where FBI agents are waiting with guns drawn]
    Butt-head: Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?
    Marcie Anderson: They're here to look at the TV, Tom.
    Tom Anderson: What? The TV ain't broken.
    Beavis: Uh, yeah it is.
    Martha: Oh, hello, there. Are you two headin' for Las Vegas?
    Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score.
    Martha: Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doin' the slots.
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
    Martha: Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
    Beavis: Whoa. Hey, Butt-head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
    Butt-head: Cool.
    Martha: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
    Beavis: Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
    Martha: Well, that's nice.
    Martha: Yoohoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!
    Beavis: [showing Martha the picture of Dallas that Muddy gave him] Yeah, this is her.
    Martha: Oh, she looks lovely.
    Beavis: I'm probably gonna make out with her first before we, uh... you know, heh heh, get down.
    Martha: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringin' in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
    Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
    Martha: Oh. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
    Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.
    Martha: Tired? Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. I have just the thing for ya. Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up. [hands him some pills from a bottle that reads "NO DROWZ"]
    Beavis: Thanks. Tastes like crap. What else ya got?
    Martha: Oh, go right ahead. Help yourself.
    Butt-head: So, uh, huh huh... goin' to Las Vegas?
    Stewardess: Hi. We're serving dinner now. Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
    Beavis: Piccata. Titicaca....
    Man: Excuse me? Does the gumbo have corn in it?
    Beavis: I am Cornholio. I need piccata for my bung-hole.
    Stewardess: You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
    Beavis: Are you threatening me? My bung-hole will not wait. Bungholio.
    Butt-head: [goes to the galley holding a beer that he stole from an unsuspecting passenger; to a stewardess] Uh, hey, I got a beer. Want some?
    [The plane experiences some turbulence and Butt-head tumbles down the aisle into the cockpit]
    Pilot: Get the hell out of the cockpit!
    Butt-head: Huh huh, you said...
    Pilot: Now!
    Beavis: Are you threatening ME?
    Butt-head: [eight M-16 assault rifles are pointed at him] This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
    [finds a switch in Hoover Dam labeled "Master Station Control" and tries to read it]
    Butt-head: Uh, Master-a... Masturbation Control? [flicks the switch several times, making the lights in Las Vegas turn on and off]
    Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out! I'm masturbating.
    Martha: [to her husband] I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
    Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
    [Cut to Dallas' motel room where Flemming and Bork have her restrained in a chair]
    Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is, or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
    Dallas Grimes: Is that a promise?
    Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. Scum, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
    Agent Bork: Dallas Grimes, married to Muddy Grimes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
    Dallas Grimes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
    Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
    Dallas Grimes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
    Agent Bork: We got nothin', Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
    Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
    Beavis: Check it out, Butt-head, Porta-potties.
    Butt-head: Cool. I gotta take a dump. [they go inside confession booths]
    Butt-head: Uh... Where's the toilet? [in a church confession booth]
    Man: I'm sorry. How many Hail Marys?
    Beavis: A thousand. And I want you to hit yourself, right now.
    Man: Um, now?
    Beavis: Yeah. Do it. [the man hits himself]
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder.
    Butt-head: [Butt-head dreams that he's a giant and grabs a woman from a building] Uh, hey baby, I'm like pretty tall, uh huh huh huh. [a helicopter shoots at him] Damnit! Cut it out, I'm trying to score! [Punches it]
    [Beavis and Butt-head are watching a donkey defecate and are amused by this]
    Butt-head: It's like it's coming out of its ass, but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass.
    Beavis: It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. Yeah.
    Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
    Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
    Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
    [Arriving at the Hoover Dam]
    Beavis: We're in Washington.
    Butt-head': Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score.
    Martha: Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
    Beavis: No, no. We're in WASHINGTON!
    Butt-head: Yeah. WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!
    Beavis: [starting to hallucinate after taking a bite of a peyote cactus] Hey Butt-head, I'm starting to feel weird, I think I'm freaking out!
    Butt-head: Uh?, Okay.
    Beavis: This is cool! It's like- everything looks all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... um- it’s like, like a music video! [hallucinates that Butt-head is melting and demons are crawling out of his body] What are you doing Butt-head? Stop it. You're freaking me out, cut it out!
    White Zombie’s "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls" plays as an animated music video with the creatures that Beavis is seeing in his hallucination.
    Beavis: [after spitting soda on Tom Anderson's TV] Aaaahh! This crap is warm!
    Butt-head: Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
    Beavis: Aaah, no! Dammit!
    [noticing the open door, the stolen TV, and the broken window]
    Butt-head: Whoa. I think I just figured something out, Beavis.
    Beavis: What?
    Butt-head: This sucks.
    Beavis: Yeah. It really sucks.
    Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butthole that took our TV.
[last lines before the credits roll; the duo are walking back home from the motel]
    Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, do you think we're ever gonna score?
    Butt-head: Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.
    Beavis: Shut up, dillhole.
    Butt-head: Butt dumpling.
    Beavis: Turd burglar.
    Butt-head: Uhh... ass goblin.
    Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
    Butt-head: Uh, yep.
    Beavis: 'Cause, um, I just need to stop by his toolshed for a couple minutes.
    Butt-head: [giggles] Tool.
    Beavis: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
    [in the trunk of Muddy's car, Butt-head finds a tire jack and begins pumping the handle]
    Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out. I'm jacking off.
    Butt-head: Uh, do you know where Washington is?
    Petrified Forest tourist: [Pointing to the desert] Uh, yeah. About two thousand miles that way.
    Beavis: Thanks.
    Agent Flemming: Didn't see which way they went. Didn't see their vehicle. I don't suppose you tried to stop them.
    Park Ranger: The most dangerous guys in America? No, thank ya. I make $9.00 an hour.
    Agent Flemming: National Security is the responsibility of every American. Bork...
    Agent Bork: Cavity search?
    Agent Flemming: Deep and hard.
    Agent Bork: Agent Hurly.
    Agent Flemming: They're not gonna get away this time. I want roadblocks every road out of here for 200 miles.
    Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
    Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
    Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
    Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
    Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
    Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
    Agent Flemming: Shut up! You've been harboring two criminal masterminds.
    Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whackin' off in?
    Agent Flemming: Bork, you're a Federal Agent. You represent the United States government. Never end a sentence with a preposition.
    Agent Bork: Oh, uh... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
    Agent Flemming: That's better. Yes?
    Agent Bork: We've run a sample through the national criminal sperm bank and come up with 2 possible genetic matches for a father. Former Motley Crue roadies turned drifters.
    Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
    Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
    Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.
    Agent Bork: They're not on the bus.
    Agent Flemming: These people know something. I want full cavity searches--everyone. Go deep on 'em.
    Agent Bork: Agent Hurly.
    Agent Flemming: I tell you, Bork, these guys are smart, damn smart. They're probably a hundred miles away by now. [a Convent bus full of nuns passes by on the other side of the road; Beavis and Butt-head are onboard]
    Hoover Dam Guide: Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
    Beavis: Yeah, I just have a question. Um, is this a God dam? You know, god damn. You know?
    Hoover Dam Guide: If you'll follow me this way.
    Butt-head: This is dumb. Let's go find that chick.
    Beavis: Yeah. Enough of this crap. Whoa. Check it out, Butt-head, TV!
    Butt-head: Cool.
    Man #1: I gotta hit the head. Can you get me some coffee?
    Man #2: All right.
    Agent Flemming: Talk to me, Bork.
    Agent Bork: Chief, we found a witness that says he saw 2 teenagers leaving Dallas' room shortly before we arrived.
    Agent Flemming: Did you give him a full cavity search?
    Agent Bork: Uh... the witness?
    Agent Flemming: Yes. You can never be too careful, Bork.
    Agent Bork: Well, sir, I didn't really think it was necessary. You see, we have a picture of them from the elevator security cam. Here. Have a look.
    Agent Flemming: What the hell?
    Agent Bork: They look like a couple of kids, Chief.
    Agent Flemming: Bork, don't you realize what kids today are capable of? Don't you read the papers? What the...?
    Butt-head: [in the Hoover Dam control room looking at the monitors] All they have is these shows about water.
    Beavis: Yeah, really. Maybe we need some shows about fire.
    Butt-head: What are you doing, Beavis?
    Beavis: [the X-5 Unit is causing him discomfort] Something's wrong with my butt.
    Butt-head: Your butt sucks.
    Beavis: Hey, how come there's no sound?
    Butt-head: I'll fix it.
    [Getting back on the bus]
    Butt-head: Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
    Martha: Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.
    Beavis: Dam? Heh heh. I'll be damned.
    Dallas Grimes: [in her car looking down at Beavis and Butt-head boarding the bus] You boys better show up. [drives away]
    Agent Flemming: Do you see what I see, Bork?
    Agent Bork: I see it. I just don't get it.
    Agent Flemming: You got half the state looking for you. How do you get away?
    Agent Bork: Cut the power!
    Agent Flemming: Damn right. Bork, we're dealing with real pros here. My opinion: terrorists. What's the scoop on that stolen unit?
    Agent Bork: Well, sir, it's not good. Roll the tape. The X-5 unit is a new top-secret biological weapon - a man-made virus, the deadliest known to man. It could wipe out 5 states in 5 days. Here's what happened when it was tested on a group of army recruits. Look at these guys, Chief. This thing is a veritable Doomsday device.
    Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-Up Christ! If this were to fall into the wrong hands...
    Agent Bork: It gets worse. The unit wasn't finished. It has a flaw - the casing. If hit hard enough, it could break open, releasing the virus.
    Agent Flemming: OK, people, as of right now, these are the most dangerous men in America. I want these faces in front of every fed and 2-bit sheriff within a thousand miles. The orders are dead or alive. Let's just pray that nothing hits that unit.
[to Beavis and Butt-head, thinking they're the hitmen he hired to kill Dallas]
    Muddy: You guys are late.
    Butt-head: Really? Did we miss Baywatch?
    [after Beavis and Butt-head enter the motel room]
    Muddy Grimes: Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?
    Butt-head: Uh, Butt-head.
    Beavis: Oh, I'm Beavis.
    Muddy Grimes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.
    Butt-head: Uh, do her?
    Muddy Grimes: That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?
    Beavis: Actually, we just wanna watch TV.
    Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.
    Beavis: No! I wanna watch TV!
    Butt-head: [slaps Beavis] Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.
    Beavis: Really? Cool.
    Butt-head: Uh, we'll do it, sir.
    Muddy Grimes: Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.
    Butt-head: Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.
    Muddy Grimes: She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.
    Muddy: Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. My wife's got this leather satchel. It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. Sentimental value, you know what I mean? Any questions so far?
    Butt-head: Uh, does she have big hooters?
    Muddy Grimes: Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...
    Butt-head: This is gonna be cool.
    Beavis: Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.
    Muddy Grimes: Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.
    Tom Anderson: [looking at a portrait of Eisenhower] Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day.
    FBI Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
    Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle.
    Man: Where the hell is he?
    Earl Hofert: You sure this is the right place? You're Muddy?
    Muddy Grimes: What are you, the cops?
    Earl Hofert: Uh, no. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife.
    Muddy Grimes: What? Take care... What the hell are you talkin' about? Who were those other two clowns?
    Earl Hofert: Huh?
    Muddy Grimes: Aghh... god damn it! She did it to me again! I'm gonna go to Vegas, and I'm gonna kill all three of 'em!
    Earl Hofert: Hey, I noticed your TV was broken. You wanna buy a new one? Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap.
    Man: Yeah, really, man. We gotta start stealin' from rich people.
    Ranger at Old Faithful: There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park. Old Faithful here is one of the largest. During an eruption, the geyser can reach as high as 200 feet.
    Butt-head: So?
    Ranger at Old Faithful: The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.
    Beavis: That's not that much, really.
    Butt-head: Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
    Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, are we gonna die?
    Butt-head: Uh... Probably.
    Tom Anderson: Boy, what I wouldn't give for 5 minutes alone with them 2 little bastards.
    Female News reporter: Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the Nation's history. Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
    Agent Bork: Chief, look!
    Female News reporter: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
    Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
    Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
    Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
    Male News reporter: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
    Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it headin'?
    Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
    Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not gonna happen! [pounds his fist on the desk]
    [after apprehending Butt-head]
    Agent Fleming: Agent Hurly, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search. I'm talking Roto Rooter. Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth.
    Butt-head: [over loudspeaker in the Capitol Building] Uh, attention. Attention. We're looking for the chick with big boobs.
    Beavis: [over loudspeaker] Yeah. We are ready to do you now.
    Butt-head/Beavis: Uh-huh-huh-huh.
    Senators: Uh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
    Agent Flemming: [discovering Muddy and Dallas in the back of Muddy's car having sex in the underground parking lot] Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book 'em, Bork.
    Dallas Grimes: You don't have anything on us, and you know it.
    Agent Flemming: Oh, I don't, huh? How about lewd conduct? Maybe indecent exposure. Here's what's gonna happen. One of you is gonna make a deal and get me the unit. The other can spend the next 60 years in jail.
    Muddy Grimes: That's where you're wrong, boy. Me and my wife are back together, and you will never...
    Dallas Grimes: He stole the unit! Said he put it in some kid's pants.
    Muddy Grimes: Why you damn LITTLE FOUR-LEGGED-- HEY! TAKE IT EASY! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR...
    Tom Anderson: What in the hell is that damn noise? [goes inside his camper and sees Beavis] What?
    Beavis: Hey, how's it goin'?
    Tom Anderson: Pull your damn pants up, boy! I don't wanna see that. Damn it, get outta here!
    Tom Anderson: [throws Beavis out of camper] And if I ever catch you whackin' in here again, I'm gonna hogtie ya.
    Tom Anderson: Take your damn pants with ya!
    Agent Flemming: Hold your fire.
    Tom Anderson: What the hell?!
    Agent Bork: The pants! He's got the unit!
    Agent Flemming: Drop the pants, now!
    Tom Anderson: Now wait a minute. I ain't the one...
    Butt-head: [Beavis' shorts rip and the X-5 unit flips in the air; the unit lands in his hand] Here you go.
    Tom Anderson: Now wait just a minute, mister!
    ATF Agent: Sir take a look at this.
    Agent Bork: How do you explain this?
    Tom Anderson: What the hell are you talkin' about?
    Agent Flemming: So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
    Tom Anderson: Look, I already told you I don't know what the hell this is about.
    Agent Flemming: Take him away.
    Tom Anderson: Hey! Get your damn hands off me! Goddamnit! Hey! Ow! Damnit! You don't know who you're dealin' with here! I'm a veteran of two foreign wars! I ain't the one been...
    Beavis: I always thought there was something wrong with him.
    Butt-head: Yeah, he had a lot of problems.
    Beavis: He used to hit me, too.
    Butt-head: Hey, does anyone wanna see my unit?
    President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
    Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
    Beavis: Oh, yeah.

## Voice cast

* Mike Judge—Beavis / Butt-head / Thomas T. "Tom" Anderson / Principal McVicker / David Van Driessen
* Demi Moore—Dallas Grimes
* Bruce Willis—Muddy Grimes
* Robert Stack—ATF Agent Flemming
* Cloris Leachman—Martha (Old Lady)
* Richard Linklater—Tour bus driver
* Dale Reeves—President Bill Clinton
* Greg Kinnear—ATF Agent Bork (uncredited)
* David Letterman and Tony Darling—Mötley Crüe roadies
* Kristofor Brown—Man on plane / Man in confession booth / Old guy / Jim
* Eric Bogosian—Old Faithful ranger / White House press secretary / Strategic Air Command lieutenant
* Jacqueline Barba—Agent Hurly
* Pamela Blair—Flight attendant / White House tour guide

## See also

* Daria

## External links

* Beavis and Butt-head Do America quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Beavis and Butt-head Do America at Rotten Tomatoes