# Hooves of Fire

Hooves of Fire is the first film in the Robbie the Reindeer trilogy. It was filmed using stop motion techniques, and presented in 1999.

## Dialogue

    Narrator: Our story begins in the North, north of the Northlands and the coldest northest lands. Even norther than that. There, Coldchester, the town at the North Pole. As you can probably tell, it's August. And at the North Pole, August is when the bus comes.
    [Robbie exits the bus]
    Bus Driver: Here you go. [throws Robbie his suitcase, which then falls on Robbie]
    Robbie: [groans] Thanks a lot!
    Donner: [gasps after Robbie dashes in] What is that?
    Prancer: It's a... it's a thing!
    Donner: It must be the last of some rare and endangered species.
    Prancer: Cool! [grabs a glass bottle] Let's kill it!
    [Robbie taking off a snorkel flipper stuck on his head]
    Donner: Prancer, no!
    Blitzen: So, you come to join the team like your ol' dad did.
    Robbie: Yeah, the boss wanted a navigator, [takes of his nose and show it to everyone] I can fine anywhere with this nose, [then puts it back] It's great.
    Blitzen: Splendid, let's see it in action.
    Robbie: I knew it, this is gonna be so much fun. Oh, one thing. I know what we do one day a year, but what about the other 364?
    Blitzen: Well, we... [shows a scene of reindeer exercising] ...sort of like that.
    Robbie: Oh. I was hoping it would be more... [shows a scene of reindeer partying] ...or maybe sometmes... [shows a scene of reindeer playing guitar by the fireplace]
    Blitzen: Sorry, Robbie. But it's definitely... [shows the scene of reindeer exercising again]
    Robbie: Right, when is the next bus out?
    Prancer: Uh... April.
    Robbie: [faints] Training it is, then.
    Blitzen: Vixen, Prancer, we've got a new reindeer in the ranks today, and he might find it hard to settle in. So, as Senior Reindeer, I'd like you to help me, make life hell for him! [stomps as he says his plans] Let's crush him! Trample him to dust! Then throw the remains of the dust to the wolves, then blow up the wolves.
    Prancer: You don't like him, do you?
    Blitzen: Not especially, no.
    Vixen: This is about his dad, isn't it?
    Blitzen: I've been Captain of The Sleigh Team for years. But Robbie's dad, he's still the famous one. Do the children sing a song about me? No. Am I in the magazines? No. Do I endorse carpet cleaner? No. No. Just because he saved the day for the Boss one time and now he's sent his son. [mimicking Robbie] Hey there, I'm Robbie. I've got a magic nose, I really know my way in life!
    Vixen: At least Robbie's dad got out of his frozen home. He's a smart reindeer that Ru...
    Blitzen: [covers Vixen with his hand] No, no, no, no, no. I will not have that name said in my presence!
    Donner: Are you talking about Ru... [get covered by Blitzen]
    Tapir: German name, wasn't it? Uh, Ru... [get covered by Blitzen, but this time, it's Blitzen's foot]
    Prancer: I tell you what, it's a catchy song, I love it. A-one, a-two, Ru...
    Blitzen: [loses his balance after covering all 4 reindeer with his 4 limbs, falls] Well if I can't get him, I'll get his son! I will not sleep until I've destroyed Robbie!
    Mrs. Santa: Honey, they're coming!
    Santa: [offscreen, in his closet] I know!
    Mrs. Santa: Just choose an oufit.
    Santa: What about this? [shows him wearing a red singlet and loosen blue pants] It's modern.
    Mrs. Santa: I still like the old red coat.
    Santa: I can't wear that to a party, everybody seen it!
    Santa: Ah, you must be Robbie!
    Robbie: Hello.
    Santa: Ho-ho-ho, found your way all right?
    Robbie: No problem.
    Santa: Look at you, I bet you’re training real hard, huh?
    Robbie: Well...
    Santa: Just like your dad always did.
    Robbie: Oh, yes.
    Santa: [laughs] You're a good deer, just like your dad. Eh, not that you're in your dad's shadow, I won't keep blabbin' on about your dad, you know. He's terrific, your dad. You know what, you know what your said? He said to me, he said: Santa...
    Mrs. Santa: Put the barbecue on, hon.
    Santa: [sighs] Ho-ho...
    Robbie: [after realising that he's the most unfit reindeer, back to the Reindeer Lodge, sadly] Well dad, I blew it. I could've gotten into shape, but I was cocky and lazy. Sorry dad, I'll never be another Ru...
    Blitzen: [comes over and comfort him] Hush, child. No need to say such sad things. So come on, give Blitzen a smile. Do you know what I think? No. But the boss is going to take you on the sleigh anyways, because he liked your dad. He'll kick off some other reindeer who's trained for for it all year.
    Robbie: Oh, dear!
    Blitzen: But that doesn't matter, and the sleigh will be slow and late. But no one will blame you, they'll blame your dad for having you.
    Robbie: [walks home in a cold stormy night] Only 5000 miles to home. Have to [weakly] keep going! Try whistling! [whistles, then freezes in ice]
    Donner: Have you ever been in Blitzen's room?
    Robbie: Well, no but... [takes binoculars] There it go, [scene in Blitzen's room with Robbie's picture] I told you. He's my friend, He's got a picture of me up... [scene changes to Blitzen holding a dart] Oh...
    Blitzen: Take that, you red-nosed freak! [throws a dart, a knife, a small sword and an axe to a picture of Robbie]
    Robbie: Oh dear! [looks away from the binoculars] Oh dear! I say we whoop his butt!
    Donner: We'll need help, I looked on the phone book under "Wise Old Coaches who can Save the Day". And there's only one in the area. He's called Old Jingle.
[one of the walrus audience falls down, falling on Santa's child]
    Des Yeti: Oh, no!
    Mrs. Santa: My baby!
[Robbie rushes to Santa's child and saves him]
    Alan Snowman: Look at that little reindeer go.
[the crowd cheering]
    Blitzen: [gasps, in his thoughts] I thought I got rid of him!
    Mrs. Santa: [hugs her child] Thanks, Robbie. You saved his life.
    Vixen: Robbie, let's not beat around the bush. If you love me, you'll do anything to please me. I don't want you to run in the Steeplechase. There, that done, let's get on with our lives.
    Robbie: Sorry, Vixen. I'm going to run. I'll try to win and everything.
    Vixen: No, how it works is, Blitzen wins, he gets famous, he get's me out of this di... [after realising that she told Robbie about Blitzen's plan] You spoke to me. Robbie, you can't speak to me because you love me so much, what are you up to?
    Robbie: I grew up, now I can talk to anyone I like.
    Donner: Robbie, you're all set? [Robbie suddenly falls in love with her]
    Vixen: You have no taste!

## Cast

* Ardal O'Hanlon (UK) and Ben Stiller (US) - Robbie
* Steve Coogan (UK) and Hugh Grant (US) - Blitzen
* Jane Horrocks (UK) and Britney Spears (US) - Donner
* Sean Hughes (UK) and Jim Belushi (US) - Tapir
* Paul Whitehouse (UK) and Brad Garrett (US) - Prancer
* Caroline Quentin (UK) and Leah Remini (US) - Vixen
* Ricky Tomlinson (UK) and Jim Belushi (US) - Santa Claus
* Jean Alexander (UK) and Grey DeLisle (US) - Mrs. Santa
* Harry Enfield (UK) and Jerry Stiller (US) - Old Jingle
* Rhys Ifans (UK) and Rob Paulsen (US) - Head Elf
* Alistair McGowan (UK) and Dick Enberg (US) - Des Yeti
* Alistair McGowan (UK) and Dan Dierdorf (US) - Alan Snowman
* Robbie Williams(UK) and James Woods (US) - Narrator
* Alistair McGowan (UK) and Rob Paulsen (US) - Bus Driver
* Alistair McGowan (UK) and Jerry Stiller (US) - Garbage Bag