# Futurama: Bender's Big Score

Futurama: Bender's Big Score is a 2007 straight-to-DVD animated film based on the Futurama series. Directed by Dwayne-Carey Hill. Written by Ken Keeler, based on a story by Keeler and David X. Cohen.

## Bender

* I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen.
* Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth!
* Here's your Gutenberg Bible, masters, plus the Colonel's Secret Recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt!
* 001100010010011110100001101101110011
* Hasta la vista, Meatbag!
* Must obey orders. Ohhhhh. Mustn't kill friend!! Ohhhhhh! Badly want to urinate!!!!!
* [monotone] Entering auto destruct sequence. [normal] Awww crap, I hate auto destruct sequence! [monotone] Explosion in 7, 6,-- [Fry's duplicate kicks Bender's duplicate who stumbles back into a cryotube, Fry turns the control to one million years]
* [monotone] 5-- [normal] Hey, I'm supposed to be the one saying cool things! [Gets frozen]
* Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender! [blows up Fry's apartment]
* While I was hacking off the Professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had time to think. Who could use a doomsday device more, the scammers, or me, Bender? After several minutes of steady sawing, I had the answer. Me, Bender!
* Hey ! I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do.
* [monotone]--4, 3, 2, [normal voice] 1, BOOM! [Nothing happens. Bender laughs] Woah! [he explodes, killing Nudar and Lars]
* Well, we're boned!

## Fry

* [sarcastically] Oh, hooray. It's handsome Lars and his fabulous jars.
* But she needs what'll make her happy, not what'll make me happy.

## Hermes

* Without my body I'm a nobody.
* Kiss my front butt!

## Leela

* [Considering what to wear on her date with Lars] Ooh, I think I'll wear that slutty dress I've been saving for Easter!

## Lars

* Sir, you're just a little enraged because you're dying. Up and away!
* Wait for me, Leela! I'll be there in a thousand years!

## Professor Farnsworth

* I'm sciencing as fast as I can!
* I can wire anything directly into anything - I'm The Professor!
* In his (Hermes') absence I am calling a mandatory company meeting. To the mandatorium!

## Nibbler

* Everyone out of the universe! Quick!
* There, I saved the space-time continuum and 40% of your rectum.

## Dr. Zoidberg

* I'm a surgeon; when I see two body parts I sew them together and see what happens!

## Others

* Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim. Now goodbye forever.
* Zapp Brannigan: We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.
* Al Gore: [in the year 2012] That hundred dollars could have gotten me...one gallon of gas. [ominous music]
* Al Gore: Finally! I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows.

## Dialogue

    Professor Farnsworth: Yes? I see… [hangs up phone] Good news, everyone! Those asinine morons who canceled us were themselves fired for incompetence. [The crew cheers] And not just fired, but beaten up, too…and pretty badly. [The crew cheers doubtfully] In fact, most of them died from their injuries. [The crew remains silent. Bender laughs] And then they were ground up into a fine pink powder.
    Fry: Why?
    Professor Farnsworth: Oh, it's got a million and one uses. [Pours some down his pants] Ah, that soothes the fire.
    Hermes: What's the matter, robot? You got a rod up your spine?
    Bender: Yes, I do. That's how I'm built.
    [Fry has just reappeared in the 31st Century, after Bender apparently killed him in 2012.]
    Bender: Fry! You're not dead! Unless...
    [Bender punches Fry in the stomach.]
    Bender: No, he's not a zombie. But I don't want people to think I'm incompetent, so I'd better kill you just to be sure.
    [Bender pulls out a croquet mallet, and prepares to swing it at Fry. The Professor pulls it out of his hands.]
    Professor Farnsworth: Bender! Stop killing for a minute!
    [Nudar is threatening Scruffy with a gun.]
    Nudar: [to Bender] You! Read the code or I'll shoot this guy!
    Bender: Who the hell is he?
    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy, the janitor.
    Bender: Hang on, Scruffy!
    Leela: What is the secret of time travel doing on Fry's ass?
    Fry: It was bound to be somewhere.
    Nibbler: Alas, our Kitten-class attack ships were no match for their mighty chairs. The universe is doomed, doomed!
    Fry: Can I pull up my pants now?
    Nibbler: Doomed!
    [Bender shows up with the incomplete Mona Lisa from the past.]
    Bender: Sorry, it's not quite finished.
    Schlump: Da Vinci give you any trouble?
    Bender: Let's just say he might not make it to The Last Supper.
    Professor Farnsworth: Time travel is impossible!
    Fry: But Professor, you time traveled yourself remember? When we went back to Roswell?
    Professor Farnsworth: That proves nothing! And furthermore, you'd think I could remember a thing like that; plus, who are you anyway?
    [Hermes has discovered that his head was attached backwards.]
    Hermes: You incompetent crab!
    Dr. Zoidberg: I thought you were happy, your tail was wagging.
    Amy: Ahh, don't blame yourself, Bender.
    Bender: I don't blame myself, I blame all of you!
    Amy: Us? How can you possibly blame us!?
    Bender: It ain't easy, it just proves how great I am.
    Bender: [shivering] It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency.
    Leela: What are you, a whining machine?
    Fry: I don't get it. How can you say Lars is more mature than me?
    Leela: Well, for one thing his checkbook doesn't have The Hulk on it.
    Leela: I can't command this many ships.
    Hermes: Perhaps I can help. Professor, can you wire my head directly into the battlegrid?
    Professor Farnsworth: I can wire anything directly into anything. I'm the Professor!
    Hermes: Then prepare to see a bureaucrat's brain in action!
    Fry: It's foolproof! They can't sign the marriage license if I give them a pen with NO INK!
    Bender: [sarcastic] Yeah, 'cause once they try to sign the license, all hell'll break loose. [Bender turns away and mutters] Oy vey.
    [The scammers are threatening the planet express crew with Professor Farnsworth's Sphero-Boom]
    Nudar: So what'll it be, unconditional surrender -
    Leela: Never!
    Nudar: - Or total destruction?
    Leela: Also never!
    Nudar: You have thirty seconds - make up your minds!
    Leela: NEVER!
    [Leela is shouting orders during the battle to reclaim Earth]
    Leela: Unit 10 - Target H, 16K - niner, niner! Go left - I mean right!
    Sal: Whoas!
    Leela: 55U, 8R, 2P!
    Professor Farnsworth: [Speaking to Hattie McDoogal] BINGO!
    [Nibbler attempts to stop the scammers from using the time code.]
    Nibbler: Stop, you fool!
    Leela: Nibbler, you can talk?!
    Nibbler: I can do more than talk; I can pontificate!
    Lars: Hello, everyone who isn't Leela! And a special hello to everyone else!
    Hermes: Shut your lockers and get to class!
    Fry: Can you save Hermes "Doctor Good and Sexy?"
    Dr. Cahill: I told you my name is Doctor Cahill.
    Hermes: Figures I had to get mingled while the blonde bimbo is on duty.
    Dr. Cahill: I am a doctor, sir. The mere fact that I am blonde and have a breathy voice, full, sensual lips, and a steaming hot body doesn't make me a bimbo.
    Dr. Zoidberg: Tell me about it.
    Hermes: I think we've all learned a thing or two about sexual stereotypes while my head's slowly dying because I'm not in a jar yet, you bimbo!
    Dr. Cahill: Oh. Right. Ditzy Witzy!
    [Professor Farnsworth is considering selling some of his doomsday devices to Hedonismbot]
    Professor Farnsworth: Ooh, be careful!
    Hedonismbot: I shan't touch them 'till I've had Djambi lock the absinthe and ether away. Ooh, what does this one do? [Hedonismbot grabs one of the doomsday devices]
    Professor Farnsworth: Uh, that one kills everything everywhere.
    Hedonismbot: Delightful! [Hedonismbot accidentally knocks the device from the shelf.] And this one?
    Professor Farnsworth: Sir, the Sphero-Boom is not for sale, it's my sentimental favorite.
    Hedonismbot: No need to explain, I too have known unconventional love.
    Marine Biologist: Leelu is a rare toothed female narwhal who got disoriented and washed up in Atlantic City, as we all do from time to time...
    [Fry is recounting how he survived his trip to the past.]
    Fry: Oh, it's an astonishing tale of incredibleness. It all began went I went back in time.
    Professor Farnsworth: Duh!
    [Nudar is ordering Bender to kill Fry]
    Nudar: You know what to do.
    Bender: You want me to concludify him, like some sort of dispatcherator?
    Nudar: Yes, and don't forget to terminate him.
    [Nudar is telling Bender how to steal the Sphero-Boom from the professor.]
    Nudar: You'll need jeweller's tools and foot cup silencers.
    Bender: Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do!
    Nudar: Hey, that's perfect! We sit back and let Dumb-Dumb here do the stealing!
    Bender: Dumb-Dumb away!
    Professor Farnsworth: If Hermes were here, he’d fire you all!
    Hermes’ head: I am here!
    Professor Farnsworth: Quiet you. In his absence, I’m calling a mandatory company security seminar. To the mandatorium!
    Nudar: Faster, faster!
    Professor Farnsworth: I’m sciencing as fast as I can
    Lars: I'm not afraid of you or your expensive gun! Go ahead and shoot!
    Nudar: [pointing his gun at Leela] Oh, yeah? Then what if I kill the woman you love?
    Leela: Don't you understand, numb-neck? He doesn't love me!
    Lars: [crying] I've... always loved you. Don't hurt her. I'll give you the code.
    Bender: [last lines] Well, we're boned!

## See also

* Futurama
* Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
* Futurama: Bender's Game
* Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

## External links

* Bender's Big Score quotes at the Internet Movie Database