# Highway (film)

Highway is a 2002 American film about Las Vegas natives and chilldhood friends Jack and Pilot who goes on the run after getting caught in bed with a Vegas mobster's wife in bed with his best friend Pilot.
    Directed by James Cox and written by Scott Rosenberg.

## Jack Hayes

* [As he has raw sex with Jilly Miranda] Jack and Jilly went up the hilly to fetch a pale of water!

## Pilot Kelson

* You are one daffy invididual!
* I like it... Hit the road, flee for your life, meet a doll who's got "once and a lifetime girl of my dreams and reason to believe" written all over her like so much graffiti. It could only happen to the god of fuck.
* [After the alligator boy screams] That be a cry laden with pain and sorrow
* Desmond the alligator boy is a major happener
* When you think about it, the world is divided into 2 groups... pandas and alligator boys
* [Telling Jack that the whore thought Pilot was sexually confused] Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you?
* So, it was cool, you know? I told her about my troubles and she was like, 'sexual confusion's a tricky thing'. Sexual confusion? I mean, easy on the sexual confusion tip, baby. You make me sound like a guy in a raincoat with a fistful of vaseline, you know? [Laughs] Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you...?

## Cassie

* [To Jack and Pilot] Are you guys by any chance, in love?

## Johnny the Fox

* A field... I need a field... A field in which to frolic!
* Congratulations you just became the Sir Edmund Hillary of assholes. You climbed the highest mountain, Pilot. There's five big ones.

## Shanks

* [Walks up to Pilot] You the boyfriend? You like alligator dick? [Touches Pilot's lips] Like to suck it?

## Pre-ending credits quote- Jack Kerouac - On the Road (1957)

* What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? ...it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies..."

## Dialogue

    Jill Miranda: [Hands him glass of iced tea when he's cleaning pool] Ice tea, Jack?
    Jack: Sure, Mrs. Miranda.
    Jill Miranda: Sure is hot, isn't it, Jack?
    Jack: It sure is, Mrs. Miranda.
    Jill Miranda: Please, call me Jilly.
    Jack: Sure, Mrs. Miranda. Um, Jilly.
    Jill Miranda: I like that... the way my name sounds... coming off your lips. [Starts caressing his torso] Jack and Jilly. Jack and Jilly went up the hilly.
    Jack: What are you doing?!
    Jill Miranda: Relax, Jack.
    Jack: Mrs. Miranda, where is Mr. Miranda?
    Jill Miranda: [Jumps off from Jack passionately kissing her] Wait, Jack!
    Jack: What?!
    Jill Miranda: What are you doing?!
    Jack: What?!
    Jill Miranda: It was too quick! It was too fucking quick!
    Jack: What are you talking about?!
    Jill Miranda: Quiver, quake, tremble a little. I didn't feel any nervousness. It was just like the last time... and the time before.
    Jack: Just like last time and the time before? "Jack and Jilly"?! "Jack and Jilly went up the hilly"?! How many times are you going to use... !Jack and Jilly went up the hilly"?!
    Jill Miranda: I like Jack and Jilly went up the hilly.
    Jack: Yeah, I know you do.
    Jill Miranda: Well, listen, pal... this is my fucking fantasy. When you get your own pool... you can orchestrate your own fantasies!
    Jack: Fine.
    Jill Miranda: Two words for you, little man. Jackie Fucking Collins. Bone up! [Turns and walks into house]
    Jack: [Making love to Jill on bed] Jack and Jilly went up the hilly... to get a pail of water.
    Jill Miranda: Give it to me!
    Burt Miranda: [Enters house] What in fuck's sake is going on here?!
    Jill Miranda: Burt! I can explain.
    Burt Miranda: You see what I just did there? I was beginning to suspect things. You see, Jack?
    Jack: I see.
    Jill Miranda: He raped me, Burt! He raped me!
    Burt Miranda: Jilly, Jilly... shut up! You want to do something about that thing? [Holds out pistol aimed at Jack]
    Jill Miranda: Burt! No, Burt!
    Jack: Mr. Miranda...
    Burt Miranda: The pool guy. The pool guy. You know what upsets me most... hand to god... is that you are a great pool guy, Jack. When Salvatore was our pool guy... I could never open my eyes underwater. There was too much chlorine, they burned for a week. But with you, my eyes are always open. I can play that game. You know, the one where I toss a penny... in the deep end... and then go hunt for it. With Salvatore... I could never play that game. You weren't-
    Jill Miranda: No, Burt! [Jack smashes a plant pot on Burt's head]
    Pool kid: This smells like shit.
    Pilot: It's because they're grown in shit. You look at them? They're blue, means they're good.
    Scawldy: [Jack and Pilot enter Scawldy's bar, and he comes up to Jack and hugs him] Boys! What up! What's up, Jack? Jack! The God of Fuck, bro! Bro, Jilly Miranda.
    Jack: Oh, no.
    Scawldy: [Bends down to Jack's crotch] Hello? Hello? Bad dick! Very bad dick! Bad dick! Well, since I'm down here, I might as well just for a little bit-
    Jack: How does everybody on Planet Fricking Earth... know this shit already? You guys never know anything. You don't even know... that Kennedy was assassinated.
    Scawldy: Wait, George Kennedy was assassinated? Bro, Jilly Miranda is a deviant, okay? She's a major deve. She gets off on causing trouble, okay? But did she at least... make you bust a little coo-coo-coo? Did you? 11 years... he hasn't busted a nut, right?
    Jack: Hey, five.
    Scawldy goon: Taking it off over here, boss.
    Scawldy: Hey, Pilot, you little fuck, did you sell that boom?
    Pilot: Yeah. [Mayhem the Pitbull dog starts barking at Pilot]
    Scawldy: Hey, shut up! Mayhem, shut the fuck up! All right. The hound has some major trust issues... with our boy Pilot here.
    Scawldy goon: Yo, wiping it off over here, boss.
    Scawldy: Listen, I tell you, putting you down at that water park... was an entrepreneurial milestone. Speaking of which... there's a rave over by Whiskey Pete's.
    Scawldy goon: Yo, sip of water over here, boss.
    Scawldy: [To dog] Will you shut the fuck up for a blink of an eye! I want you over there... with some GHB and some window pane, all right?
    Pilot: Yo, I can't.
    Scawldy: What?
    Pilot: I can't, man. I'm going with Jack.
    Scawldy: Going with Jack where?
    Pilot: [Mayhem ferociously pulls on Pilot's sleeve] Scawldy! Scawldy!
    Jack: I've got to bail!
    Scawldy: Of course, right. Burt Miranda. Of course, of course. All right, man, that's cool. Where you guys headed?
    Jack: We're thinking Seattle, you know?
    Scawldy: Jilly Miranda, man... I'd like to take a ride on her. Little sweet ass pooper, you know what I mean? [Serves two Colt 45s on table] Wahoo! Let's go.
    Jack: No, Scawldy, look... I've got to get out of here, all right?
    Scawldy: [Sits down] What is your rush, boys? Come on, you've got the world... by a fucking string right here!
    Jack: Scawldy! I've got to go!
    Pilot: Yo, man, can I have my cut?
    Jack: They're after my fucking toes, man!
    Scawldy: [Screams] FUCK! Well, otay. Where you guys going? Detroit? Dee-troit?
    Pilot: Yeah, Detroit. Detroit's cool.
    Scawldy: Right on. Detroit's got that old school shit... you know what I'm saying? Like Motor City Madman, Ted Fucking Nugent, man. I got you in a stranglehold, baby
    Pilot: You know, Scawld... we're thinking about getting a stake. Sell as we go, finance the trip. The Detroit trip.
    Scawldy: What are you boys thinking about? What do you need?
    Pilot: Well, what do you got?
    Scawldy: What have I got? Dude, what have I got? I got it all, man! I got- I'm the fucking- Dude, I'm the fucking thing... what is that thing at Thanksgiving... the horn thing, the fucking horn thing... overflowing with goodies?!
    Scawldy goon: The fucking horn thing... with all the fucking goodies coming out!
    Scawldy: Nice working with you, fuckface! What do you call that thing?
    Pilot: A cornucopia.
    Scawldy: Aha, there you go! Pilot, my man, knows everything! [Points at him] He's a regular goddamn Pat Sajak! I got it all! I got the kind, daffy fucking bud, man... the hydro nuggety-nugs... red fiber... [mimics taking a toke] herbal medications sweep upon the nation! The red, red, red, red fiber, you know what I'm saying! I've got an amino acid concoction... marinating in the back right now, man! It creates a totally profound excursion! It opens up all your fucking pleasure glands... you know what I'm saying?! You're like in a field of snow... but you're really in sand... and you're making a goddamn little angel! Good God almighty, you're creating symphonies, you had no idea! You'll be a genius, my friend! I got rock soaked in the wine cooler. I've got wine cooler that's been soaked in rock! I got these new 'ludes in powdered form! You snort it up! Your head flies open! The bats fly in, they shoot out! I fucking snapped out of it... I chomped about four of them, right?! And I was fucking the Coke machine... in the Motel 6!
    Scawldy goon: She was coming Fresca, man, like crazy.
    Scawldy: I got some mushroom tea. I got some ecstasy. I got some opium. [Screams into Colt 45 bottle at head, imagining it as a phone] And I think I hear the police coming after me. I hear the police coming, I hear the police coming, I hear the police coming after me. What's it going to be, boys?
    Pilot: How about you give us two Z's of endo, 100 hits of E, and a page of blotter?
    Scawldy: That's my man, pots and pans. I have it ready. I'll fill your order.
    Pilot: I can't believe that you told him... "We're thinking Seattle." What kind of total void are you, Jack?
    Jack: Pilot, relax, man. He thinks we're going to Detroit.
    Pilot: Yeah? Man, tomorrow morning... that freak wakes up... his nipple ring's been torn off... he's got a brand-new monkey in his closet... and a 14-year-old Asian boy... lying next to him is in a diabetic coma... he won't remember a fucking thing about last night... except that we're taking our trick asses to Seattle! Give me the keys. [Jack throws him keys and he opens the trunk]
    Jack: So we don't go to Seattle. We'll just go someplace else.
    Pilot: Someplace else?
    Jack: Yeah, like I said... I've got an aunt in South Dakota. I got a cousin... in Albuquerque, Tempe, Valencia. Oh, bro! There's a black belt convention in Reno! Come on!
    Pilot: No. It's cool. You're right. I mean, Scawldy thinks we're going to Detroit... let's go to Seattle.
    Jack: How did she take it?
    Pilot: She took it fine, you know, I mean... shit, all she's going to be without... are my clever observations.
    Jack: You bang her yet?
    Pilot: Not even close, man. If "bang her"... is an island off the Caribbean... me and Lucy are stuck in traffic in Jersey.
    Jack: Whatever. The point is... you haven't been to the Dan D.
    Pilot: Of course not, have you?
    Jack: Clark brought me there when I was 12. Good old Clark!
    Pilot: Who needs Disneyland?
    Jack: It's on the way, maybe we could stop by.
    Pilot: What for?
    Jack: If there's something wrong with your pipe... the Dan D. Fine will clean it out.
    Pilot: There's nothing wrong with me. Well, I mean, maybe... look, man, we've got to put miles... between us and the Veg, you know? And plus, you know, there are bound to be... other places like the Dan D. Fine... further along down the road.
    Jack: What did you say?
    Pilot: I mean, I think it's better... if we just skip it.
    Jack: Bro, there is nothing... nothing like the Dan D. Fine. So get in the fucking car. Let's go, you pussy. Make a woman out of you yet.
    Jack: What's your name?
    Cassie: Cassie.
    Jack: As in Cassandra?
    Cassie: Yeah, as in Cassandra. What's your name?
    Pilot: Pilot. This is Jack.
    Cassie: Yeah? Why Pilot?
    Pilot: I don't like to talk about it.
    Jack: His mother picked up... an airline pilot one night-
    Pilot: But Jack loves to.
    Jack: At a bar near DFW.
    Pilot: That's Dallas-Fort Worth.
    Jack: They fucked, the pilot left... she got pregnant...only she never caught the pilot's name.
    Cassie: Mom's a peach. She named you Pilot.
    Jack: Exactly, Cassandra.
    Cassie: Wow. Zowie. What?
    Jack: You did a good thing.
    Cassie: Huh?
    Jack: Most people when told the story... will inevitably say... "Good thing he wasn't a fisherman. Good thing... he wasn't a proctologist. Good thing he wasn't an exterminator."
    Cassie: Okay, I see, because if the guy... had been like a proctologist... then Pilot's name might be like, um...
    Jack: Sphincter.
    Pilot: Exactly.
    Jack: Or Anus. Or Hemorrhoid. Or Dingleberry.
    Pilot: All right, all right. Can we stop?
    Mrs. Murray: In around 600 B.C.... there was a slave. A slave of wealthy Greek noblemen. He was horribly deformed. And all day long... this monstrous-looking man... would spin wondrous tales of heroic animals. Great tales, but they tended to show... the weaknesses of men. So, the storyteller was killed by a crazed mob... who were insulted... that his stories showed animals as brave and smart... and people as weak and stupid.
    Jack: Really? Wow.
    Pilot: Amazing.
    Mrs. Murray: Oh, wait. The punch line is: the storyteller's name was Aesop.
    Jack: Really? Wow.
    Pilot: Amazing.
    Cassie: As in Aesop's Fables?
    Jack: Yes.
    Pilot: Really?
    Jack: Wow!
    Pilot: Amazing!
    Jack: I didn't know that. I didn't know that Aesop was a freak.
    Pilot: He was amazing, wasn't he? Wasn't he amazing, Jack?
    Jack: Amazing.
    Pilot: Desmond the Alligator Boy is a major happener. Isn't he?
    Jack: Whatever you say, Pilot.
    Pilot: Would you want to be him?
    Jack: What are you doing?
    Pilot: What?
    Jack: What are you doing, you fuck? What is with all these stupid questions?
    Pilot: What? Why wouldn't you wanna be him?
    Jack: Why? Because he's green... because his skin is disgusting... because he's brain damaged... because his head is misshapen. You want me to go on?
    Pilot: No. You think he's happy?
    Jack: Pilot!
    Pilot: What? One question. Just answer me that. Do you think he's happy?
    Jack: I don't know, Pilot. But maybe we can ask the old lady... when we go and say good-bye.
    Pilot: What? You don't want to say good-bye?
    Jack: I didn't say that.
    Pilot: Yes, you did, dude! I heard you.
    Jack: Cassandra, did you hear?
    Cassie: I did.
    Pilot: "When we go and say good-bye," like it was the stupidest fucking thing you ever heard. And it was my idea.
    Jack: I did not say that. But it was the stupidest fucking thing... I ever heard, by the way.
    Pilot: Why?
    Cassie: Are you guys, by any chance, in love?
    Pilot: Why?
    Jack: Bro, why do we have to go and say good-bye tomorrow? I mean, couldn't we just have... said good-bye today?
    Cassie: I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll meet you all at the bar.
    Pilot Kelson: Pop Quiz.
    Jack Hayes: No.
    Pilot Kelson: Come on. It's a quick one.
    Jack Hayes: Go.
    Pilot Kelson: What is 1,056 dicks?
    Jack Hayes: A lot of dicks.
    Pilot Kelson: Beep. Perfect Score. Gold star. We haven't begun calculating blowjobs yet. Oh!
    Jack Hayes: Pop quiz.
    Pilot Kelson: Go.
    Jack Hayes: How much I owe you for helping me out?
    Pilot Kelson: A gazillion.
    Jack Hayes: Who's the major old-school happener?
    Pilot Kelson: [Slurred] Pi... lot.
    Jack Hayes: How much longer we a team?
    Pilot Kelson: Forever.
    Jack Hayes: Beep... perfect score, gold star.
    Jack Hayes: Can we just have 15 minutes of fun in our fucking miserable lives?
    Pilot Kelson: Famous last words...
    Cassie: That's pretty pathetic in my book.
    Pilot Kelson: In your book? And what's the title of that book? Is it called 'Give Me A Hundred Bucks And I'll Suck Your Dick'? Cause I think I read that one, and it was... ooh... lurid.
    Pilot Kelson: This is Jack Hayes, the God of Fuck!
    Shanks: [Turns to Jack] Is that what they call you? The God of Fuck? Tell me something... do you like to get fucked?

## Cast

* Jared Leto as Jack
* Jake Gyllenhaal as Pilot
* Selma Blair as Cassie
* John C. McGinle as Johnny the Fox
* Jeremy Piven as Scawldy
* Arden Myrin as Lucy
* Kimberley Kates as Jilly Miranda
* Mark Rolston as Burt Miranda
* Jarret Thomas as Kid #1
* Stephen Shellen as Clark Hayes
* Matthew Davis as Booty
* Madeline Parquette as Pilot's Mom
* George Spielvogel III as Boneman

## Taglines

* Come as you are

## External links

* Highway (film) quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Highway at Rotten Tomatoes