# Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers

Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers (1989–90) was a syndicated animated series created by Disney that follows a small group of crime-solving animals: Chip, the chipmunk leader, Dale, also a chipmunk, and usually the comic relief, Monterey Jack, a mouse with a strong need for cheese, Gadget Hackwrench, another mouse who is constantly inventing, and Zipper, Monterey's fly friend. They often solve cases under the noses of the police, thwarting Fat Cat, Professor Nimnul, and many other villains.

## Season 1
### Piratsy Under the Seas [1.1]

    Monterey Jack: [Seeing the HQ in a mess] Okay, who's the bloke who had the party and didn't invite me?
    Monty: [About sea voyages] This reminds me of the time I got shanghaied in Shanghai on a junk full of junk.
    Jolly Roger: Welcome, buckos! This here be a pirate ship and we be Pi-Rats!
    Chip: We can't waste our time playing pirates. We're Rescue Rangers. We've got jobs to do.
    Dale: [Adjusting his pirate hat proudly] You're just jealous 'cause you don't have a hat.
    Monty: That was a right bonzer move, Gadget luv!
    Jolly Roger: When this here ship sank, the Captain of the ship's rats, Long Lost Lafitte, told him to guard the treasure 'til he returned. We can't be going back on the captain's orders.
    Chip: That was over 200 years ago.
    Jolly Roger: Well, he never said it'd be easy.
    [Monty tries to pull off being Captain Lafitte when inspected by Young Ned]
    Ned: There be three ways he always knew the captain. When he looked at ya, he always had a funny squint in his eye.
    Jolly Roger: His eye?
    Ned: Aye!
    Pi-Rates: Aye!
    [Monty squints his good eye]
    Ned: And he was a short man.
    [Monty squats]
    Ned: And he only had one leg.
    [Monty lifts up his right leg]
    Ned: Left one.
    [Monty shifts his weight over]
    Ned: Captain Lafitte! You've come back! [Embraces him while Pi-Rats cheer]

### Catteries Not Included [1.2]

    [After fixing the Ranger Plane, before takeoff]
    Monty: No offense, Gadget luv, but you're sure you're finished?
    Gadget Hackwrench: Sure I'm sure.
    Monty: Not like the last time?
    Gadget: Oh, Monty! How many times do you think the wings can fall off a plane?
    Monty: I don't know. You tell me.
    Monty: Better lay off the nuts there. You are what you eat, you know.
    Monty: [Operating a gadget cat] I had nightmares about being inside cats but they were nothing like this.
    [The team infiltrates a lab full of cats]
    Gadget: What is this place?
    Monty: A nightmare!
    Chip: Now let's beat it...
    Dale: ...while the beating's good!
    Gadget: No!
    Chip/Dale: What?
    Gadget: We're not leaving until all these cats are free! We are the Rescue Rangers, after all. And who know what that terrible man has in store for them?
    Monty: Why do I fell like a shrimp on the barbie!
    [Chip and Dale try to catch a remote control]
    Chip and Dale: I got it! I got it! [They crash into each other]
    Chip: Did you get it?
    Dale: No, did you? [Remote falls right on top of them]
    Monty: [Riding a fleeing cat] Whoa! WHOA! PLEASE WHOA!
    Monty: Well, they're all out, and if I never see another cat again, it'll be too soon. [jumps when he sees Spunky behind him] I, uh... no offense, kid.
    Spunky: 'Course not, Mr. Monterey.
    Prof. Nimnul: I wonder where my can-opener is.
    Chip: Another case closed with a happy ending.
    Gadget: And Monterey has learned that even cats have their place, haven't you, Monty?
    Monty: Too right I have. A cat's place is as far from me as possible.

### Dale Beside Himself [1.3]

    Monty: The Great Eskimo Chief Mighty Lug Nut taught me this recipe whilst I was hitch-hiking through the Southern Arctic in the middle of a snowstorm.
    Gadget: Are there a lot of walnut trees in the Arctic?
    Monty: Oh, of course not, Gadget luv. They used walrus nail clippings instead.
    Dale: [After meeting an alien] Wow! Just like in the movies! Are you going to take over our planet? Are ya? Huh? Are ya? Are ya? Are ya?
    Dtz: Gee, no! I just wanna stay here and have fun.
    Dale: Two Dales have got to be better than one.
    Brac: My proto-units said there'd be days like this.
    [After Dtz, disguised as Dale, modifies the Ranger Plane]
    Dtz: Well, that oughta do it. Just flip that switch.
    Gadget: Golly, this is exciting! [Launches the Ranger Plane on a rocket-speed trip around the world. After landing]
    Dtz: Let me know if you need anymore help.
    Gadget: [Stunned] Golly again.
    Dale: Golly, what good are buttons in a spaceship if you can't even push them?
    [Dale is about to have a snack, but he doesn't know what to do with these weird kitchen utensils. Brik and Brak arrive with a dish]
    Brik: Here you go, Dtz.
    Brak: The best snack in the universe.
    Brik and Brak: [opening the lid] Irkburgles!
    Dale: Blech! Are you guys crazy or something? Don't you have any hot dogs?
    Brik and Brak: [Gasp]
    Brik: It's terrible. He's becoming an... an Earthling!
    Brak: We must rush him back to Fleeblebrox for treatment.
    Brik: Yes, we must! [Dale pokes at one of the green aliens and freaks out]
    Brak: I'm sorry it has to come to this Dtz, [taking a freeze gun out of his chef hat] but we have to freeze you before you get worse.
    Dtz: [Watching the movie Alien] I love comedies! [laughing rauciously] I'll go make some popcorn
    Dtz: [Disguised as Dale, spotting Dale coming home] ALIENS!
    Other Rescue Rangers: AAAH!
    Dtz: We're being attacked by aliens that can take our shapes!
    Monty: Yeah, that sounds like the old Dale to me.
    Gadget: Calm down, Dale. It's only a movie.
    Dale: [Running in] ALIENS!
    Other Rescue Rangers: AAAH!
    Bric: You were supposed to thaw me, not cook me.
    Monty: [Upon seeing Dtz charge after his favorite snack] Disgusting the way how some people lose control.

### Flash the Wonder Dog [1.4]

    Mepps: You called for us, Fat Cat?
    Fat Cat: No, I was testing my moron magnet. Of course I called for you!
    Fat Cat: [thinking about another way to frame Flash] Hmmm. I believe I... I mean, Flash the Wonder Dog, will viciously attack his former co-star on nation wide TV! [laughs evilly]
    [Chip turns off the TV, where Dale was watching an episode of Flash the Wonder Dog]
    Dale: Hey, what'd you do that for!?
    Chip: You are too wrapped up in that show!
    Dale: What do you mean? Flash is the greatest hero that ever was.
    Chip: He's just an actor.
    Dale: He is not! Look at all the things he can do!
    Chip: It's all fake, Dale! They do it in a TV studio!
    Dale: [gasps; angry] How dare you say that! Flash is not a fake!
    Chip: Yes, he is!
    Dale: Is not!
    Chip: Is too!
    Dale: Is not!
    Chip: Is too!
    Dale: Is not!
    Gadget: [enters] Well, I can tell you're both busy, I'll come back later. [she leaves]
    Gadget: Just a few more stitches and this wing will be good as new. Well, as good as it was before.
    Flash: [seeing an angry mob coming towards him] Something tells me it's not my autograph they're after.
    Mepps: Boss, I got bad news!
    Fat Cat: Don't tell me you let that flea-bitten dog escape!
    Mepps: Okay! Okay! I won't tell you!
    Fat Cat: Let me guess... Does this have something to do with [becomes angry] the Rescue Rangers!?
    Mepps: Yeah, good guess, boss! How did you know?
    Fat Cat: Because those rodents are ALWAYS ruining my bad intentions! [calms down] Nevertheless, I shan't let this news darken my day. [presses a button on his desk, opening a trap door underneath Mepps, in which the latter falls through]
    Monty: [Shifting a camera's angle] These things are harder to move than a sleeping rhino.
    Flash: Hey, guys! Wait up! I wanted to say thanks. Thanks for helping me look like a hero.
    Gadget: It was you that did that, Flash.

### Out to Launch [1.5]

    Monty: Which one of these buttons makes this baby spin?
    Gadget: Try the one marked "On".
    Roger Houston: Deploy the first Satellite, Joy.
    Joy Rider: Roger, Roger.
    Reporter Stan Blather: Latest tragic development: The Spaceplane is plummeting straight for the control tower... Wait a minute! I'm in the control tower! YEAARGH!
    Reporter Stan Blather: Their heroic landing of the damaged Spaceplane may seem a small step for a man but...
    Dale: ...a giant leap for a chipmunk!

### Kiwi's Big Adventure [1.6]

    Dale: What would birds want to do with the Ranger Plane?
    Monty: They're worshipping it like some sort of god.
    Gadget: Golly! I built it to last but I didn't think it would be immortal.
    Kiwis: Roodle-roodle-roodle-wah! Roodle-roodle-roodle-wah!
    Dale: [Trying to fit in with his disguise] Noodle, noodle, apple strudel!
    [Trying to "wake" the Ranger Plane using magic]
    Pepto Gizmo: Bingly wingly pingly pie!
    Take the kiwis to the sky!
    [Nothing happens] Of course! This is an Equatorial flying god. Different spell entirely.
    Figgly giggly gaggly gow!
    Take the kiwis to the clouds!
    Kiwi Chief: We're all waiting, Pepto.
    Pepto: Yes, yes, of course. [Laughs] Right. [Runs up and flaps one of the wings desperately] FLY!
    Gadget: Oh, Dale, your toe! You really hurt yourself, didn't you? All for us too.
    Dale: Aw, shucks, it's nothing. I just-
    Gadget: Nonsense! You need to lie down.
    Chip: But, Gadget, it's just his toe!
    Gadget: Well, his toe needs to lie down so the rest of him will just have to go along with it.
    Gadget: Let's slow down a little bit. Dale's having trouble keeping up.
    Chip: If we go any slower, we'll be going backwards!
    Monty: [Trying to stop a crocodile] Settle for next time, you overgrown suitcase!
    [Trying to slowly lower the Ranger Plane by vine]
    Monty: Easy... Easy...
    Chip: Easy for you, maybe!
    Gadget: I'll have this plane ship-shape in no time. Well, actually it should be plane shaped, shouldn't it?
    [When Gadget finds out Dale is faking]
    Gadget: Why that little...! He couldn't...! How did...! OOOOH!
    Chip: I know just what you mean.

### Adventures in Squirrelsitting [1.7]

    Gadget: Golly! This place is a mess!
    Chip: Really? Looks better than Dale's room.
    Monty: I ain't seen an appetite like that since I fell into a river full of Amazon pirahnas.
    [Sung]
    Dale: Hey, all you cats, don't sit and stare
    Swing your tails! Get out of those chairs!
    Chip: Put down your milk! Turn up the juice!
    Chip N' Dale: The fur's gonna fly when we all cut loose!
    So better stop chompin’
    Let’s start stompin’
    With Big Fat Daddy ‘C’
    Fat Cat: That’s me!
    Chip N' Dale: It’s as hot as jalapeno
    At Fat Cat’s casino
    That’s the place to be!
    Do the Fat Cat Stomp with Big Fat Daddy ‘C’!
    Dale: Here’s one cat I’d like to see
    Cheek to cheek, dancin’ with me
    Chip: C’mon, Fat Cat! It’s your turn!
    Fat Cat: The dance floor’s hot and I’ve got 9 lives to burn!
    Fat Cat and his gang: So better stop chompin’
    Let’s start stompin’
    With Big Fat Daddy ‘C’
    It’s as hot as jalapeno
    At Fat Cat’s casino
    That’s the place to be!
    Do the Fat Cat Stomp with Big Fat Daddy ‘C’!
    Tammy: Oh, Gadget! I'm so happy to see you! I thought it was Fat Cat!
    Gadget: Don't worry, Tammy. We'll get you out of here!
    Tammy: But you shouldn't've come, Um..I'm...I'm working undercover.
    Gadget: Well, maybe I can help?
    Tammy: No! I don't want your help! I'm gonna show Chip I'm just as special as you!
    Gadget: Golly, Tammy. I'm not trying to prove anything to Chip or anyone else. You don't get someone to like you by acting like someone you aren't. And you are Tammy. That's special enough.
    Tammy: Really?
    Gadget: Darn right. Now let's find Bink and go home.
    Fat Cat: Your piano seems just the teensiest bit out of tune. Right about... here! [Slams the piano keys, ejecting the squirrel kids, Gadget and Zipper who were smuggled inside] There's the problem. You had squirrel minors in your C Major.
    Fat Cat: Living over a cat food factory has its advantages but sometimes I tire of their ingredients. That's why I'm going to let this machine put you lovely Rescue Rangers into an itty-bitty can just like this.
    Gadget: Well, at least we'll be together.
    Dale: Yeah, [gulps] real together.
    Fat Cat: You know, I could corrupt these children. Over the years, I could guide their innocent minds towards a life of wrongdoing. YES! I could mold them in my image, hone them into criminal GENIUSES, the ONLY ONES capable of carrying on my CRIMINAL EMPIRE! Ah, but who's got the time? [to his henchmen] Toss them in!

### The Pound of the Baskervilles [1.8]

    Chip: Now, every time Sureluck Jones wanted to find something, the first thing he did was find some clues. Follow me! The game is afoot!
    Dale: How are we going to find the will if all you want to do is play foot games?
    Chip [reading a Surelock Jones book during the storm] The beast bared its glistening fangs and reared up. But Sureluck Jones was not afraid. The wily detective stood his ground, daring the devil dog to do his worst.
    Chip: [Reading from the novel] "Sureluck slowly pulled the candle holder..."
    Gadget: Got it! [Pulls as instructed]
    Chip: "...to open the secret door..."
    Dale: It worked!
    Chip: "...being very careful to stand to one side to avoid the trapdoor." [Rescue Rangers narrowly escape the trapdoor] Hey, guys! Are you okay?
    Monty: We're fine, Chipper, but you could use a course in speed-reading.
    Chip: [To Dale] Elementary, my dear dummy!
    Monty: Now what, Sureluck? Any clues?
    Dale: Yeah! Yeah! What would Sureluck do in a case like this?
    Chip: What do you think? Hide!

### Risky Beesness [1.9]

    Dale: Hey! What did ya do that for?
    Chip: It was too loud to think!
    Dale: It's heavy metal music! You're not supposed to think!
    Chip: I don't care if it's heavy on the anchovies. It's stupid!
    Dale: Is not!
    Chip: Is too!
    Monty: [To Gadget] Looks like the boys are having one of their little "discussions"!
    Monty: I've heard just about enough of this bossing and beeswax!
    Irwina: One! Two! Three! Four!
    [Sung] Bee my honey, bee my drone
    Meet me tonight, at the honeycomb
    When you come callin', bring the pollen
    And we'll be fallin' in love
    Give me a buzz and I come alive
    When I see you, I get hives
    Hard to be humble when my heart's in a tumble
    So don't you bumble with me!
    Buzz, buzz, can't you see you're the best bee for me?
    When you come callin', bring the pollen
    And we'll be fallin' in love!
    Queenie: [About Zipper] He's awfully brave for such a little fellow.

### Three Men And A Booby [1.10]

    Monty: Don't worry, mates! It's as safe as a joey in a kangaroo's pouch.
    Chip: So what's the problem?
    Gadget: Who's gonna look after the egg?
    Chip, Dale and Monty: No problem. [Points to others] They will!
    Monty: I guess necessity is the mother of self-preservation.
    [Nog comes into Mr. Dumpty's egg collection room, with an Easter basket in hand]
    Mr. Dumpty: Well, what is it?! What is it?!
    Nog: It appears to be an Easter basket, sir.
    Mr. Dumpty: [laughs excitedly and claps his hands] How thoughtful! [grabs the Easter basket from Nog and places it onto a table] It must be from an old friend.
    Nog: But you haven't any friends, sir.
    Mr. Dumpty: Oh, it looks delicious! [picks up one of the Easter eggs; Chip pops his head out from the basket's decorative grass and hides back in]
    Nog: Sir, you'll spoil your din-din.
    Mr. Dumpty: I don't care! What am I having?
    Nog: Egg omelettes, egg almondine, eggs Benedict, with a side order of deviled eggs.
    Mr. Dumpty: My favorite! [laughs; he puts the Easter egg back into the basket and pats it] This will be my dessert. Let's go. [he and Nog leave the room]
    Monty: Reminds me when I stormed the cheese banks of Monte Carlo with an armored division of Sicilian hamsters... This one's for the Parmesan we left behind!
    [As they're fetching Mrs. Booby home]
    Mrs. Booby: Say, how do you boys feel about booby-sitting?
    Monty: Gadget, luv, I think you better step on it.

### The Carpetsnaggers [1.11]

    [To Elmer, who is stuck up a flagpole]
    Gadget: We're the Rescue Rangers.
    Chip: Right! You won't be up here long.
    Elmer: That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
    Gadget: If only I had a counterweight.
    Monty: Can I help ya, Gadget?
    Gadget: Perfect!
    Monty: When facing the forces of the supernatural, you'd best be prepared with a good luck charm or two. This, for instance, is a lucky rabbit's foot given to me by the High Holy Hamster of Kathmandu.
    Chip: Wasn't very lucky for the rabbit.
    Monty: [Holding a magnet] Well, me luckier Arabian horseshoe is better for defeating genies anyway.
    Chip: Pretty small horse.
    Ali Bimbo: Your wish is my very expensive command!
    Nimnul: I'll be able to retire! Hahahahahahahaha! Money! Jewels! Cuisinarts!

### Bearing Up Baby [1.12]

    Skunk: Drop by anytime. I hardly ever get visitors.
    Monty: Bears gotta raise bears, humans gotta raise humans and the grass is always greener when you remember to water it. It's just the way things are.
    Hubert: [A vehicle careens pass] That's my RV!... [Seeing who's at the wheel] And that's my boy... MY BOY?!

### Parental Discretion Retired [1.13]

    Monty: [finding the scrapbook of his father] The scrapbook of my dad, Cheddarhead Charlie. You'll love him. He's the greatest adventurer whatever lived. Goes around the world every year, twice on leap years. And this year, he's stopping off to visit me. [looking at the first photo] Here's my dad outside the Taj Mahal. [looking at another photo] And here's one from the Great Wall of China.
    Dale: Hey, what's all this newspaper stuff?
    Gadget: "Lindbergh Makes A Solo Flight Across The Atlantic".
    Monty: [Chuckling as he points out a mouse on one of the plane wheels] Guess he didn't know he had a passenger. Of course, dad's luggage ended up in Cleveland.
    Dale: "Sir Edmund Hillary Stands Atop Mt. Everest..."
    Gadget: "...The Highest Point On Earth!"
    Monty: Well, almost! [Photo shows Charlie atop the flagpole planted by Sir Hillary] Dad had him beat by a good two feet.
    Dale: Golly. What adventures.
    Chip: He could teach us a lot. [to Monty] When do we get to meet him, Monterey?
    Dale: Yeah, when's he coming in?
    Monty: Tonight, at Pier 12.
    Chip: Does that clam sound funny to you?
    Gadget: I don't know. How does a clam sound like?
    Monty: If it's trouble you want, pally, you've come to the right mouse!.
    Charlie: [About Gadget] Ah, a delicate rose among the ragweed.
    Charlie: Cheddarhead Charlie's my name and adventure's my game! Let those fish go and I'll leave some of your fur on!
    Fat Cat: Well, Mr. Cheddar, Fat Cat's my name and I don't play games.

## Season 2
### To the Rescue [2.1-5]
#### Part I

    Dale: How come I gotta lug all this junk?
    Chip: 'Cause you are the fearless co-pilot who can handle any job!
    Dale: Hey, yeah! Make way for the fearless co-pilot! Here you go, Chip! [Unpacks the junk on Chip]
    Chip: Did I say fearless? I meant brainless.
    Aldrin Klordane: Idiots are, if nothing else, dependable.
    Chip: Hey! Maybe we could be policemen someday.
    Plato: Or police-munks anyway.
    Sergeant Spinelli: Get those animals!
    SWAT: [Taking aim with their rifles] Yes, sir!
    Sergeant Spinelli: Alive!
    SWAT: Aw....
    Fat Cat: Like my new sparkler, boys?
    Rat: We didn't think you could get your paws on it, Fat Cat.
    Fat Cat: O ye of little brain. It's trinkets like these that show the world what I deserve... the best!
    Fat Cat: [Sung] You can't expect a true gourmet
    To settle for mere fish flambe
    My diet screams for triple-star
    Beluga caviar
    And cream by any other name
    Cannot compare with French champagne
    So pop the cork and tip your hat
    A toast to me, Fat Cat
    I want the best of everything
    Golden crowns and diamond rings
    Servants at my beck and call
    I'll make them crawl
    You know I want it all
    My velvet tux is tailor-made
    Embroidered silk and jeweled brocade
    My good taste is so refined
    I demand the top of the line
    Oh, I've hand-crushed Greek volcanic rocks
    To line my lacquered litterbox
    A fine Italian marble bust
    Engraved, "In Fat Cat we Trust"
    Gamblers: He wants the best of everything
    Golden crowns and diamond rings
    Servants at his beck and call
    He'll make them crawl
    You know he wants it all
    He wants the best of everything
    Golden crowns and diamond rings
    Servants at his beck and call
    Fat Cat: I'll make them crawl
    You know I want it all
    Gamblers: La, la, la!
    Fat Cat: My ruby! What have you done with it, you diminutive nut-muncher?!
    Fat Cat: I don't know who you are, and I don't care. But when you cross Fat Cat, you go... SPLAT!

#### Part II

    [Hanging from a slowly breaking lampstand]
    Chip: Don't panic, Dale. There's gotta be a way down!
    Dale: I KNOW there's a way down but I don't want to take it!
    Chip: [Jumping to safety] Pistachio!
    Pizza guy: I should have known it was a phony order. Who'd order a pizza with triple anchovies?
    Chip: I'll get that ruby if it's the last thing I do... [Gulp] What if it is the last thing I do?
    Monty: There's only one thing I like more than cheese: Nothing!
    Monty: CHEE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EESE!
    Chip: We've got to catch up with Fat Cat!
    Monty: If you mean that buck-toothed, bandy-legged bozo that sank my house, then I want a piece of him too!
    Fat Cat: What are you dunderheads doing down there?!
    Mepps: I don't know, boss. How many guesses do we have?

#### Part III

    Monty: That ride almost beats the time I rode a walrus over Niagara Falls.
    Chip: ARE YOU CRAZY?!
    Monty: The walrus thought so.
    Monty: That flat-faced, flabby-furred feline submarined our house! Me and Zipper got a score to settle with him.
    Chip: Just what do you think you were doing back there?
    Monty: Nothing to worry about. Sometimes I sort of have these... cheese attacks, is all. [Zipper retorts: "Sometimes?"] Well, most times, I guess. [Zipper crosses his arms as he retorts: "Most?"] All right! All the time! I just can't help meself. When there's a hint of cheddar in the air, something inside me snaps.
    Chip: [To Dale] Yeah, his brain! And this is the guy we're counting on to get us to Glacier Bay!
    Gadget: Excuse me! You're all standing! Here! Let me make you a chair!
    Monty: [About crash landings] There's one good thing about a landing like this. You can only do it once.
    Klordane: I have schedules to meet, Professor. Isn't it ready yet?
    Professor Nimnul: Really, Mr. Klordane! You must be patient. True genius cannot be rushed. [Gets a snowball in the face] Hurried, hastened and sped up: yes.

#### Part IV

    Fat Cat: [About Professor Nimnul] The geek has a definite hardware hangup. I bet stripping gears is his idea of a good time.
    Professor Nimnul: The ruby appears to be in a... er... transitive state of location.
    Klordane: Meaning?
    Professor Nimnul: Missing.
    Monterey Jack: I don't listen to anyone! I'm footloose and fancy free! Come and go as you please, that's my motto. So what do I need you flapdoodles for?
    Chip: A home. A family.
    Monterey Jack: I- I- I don't need anybody! [Jumps out of the Ranger Plane]
    Gadget: You know, suddenly the plane seems to handle lighter.
    Chip: Monty just jumped out!
    Gadget: Oh. That would account for it.
    Frenchy: My name is Frenchy. I am from France. And this is my compatriot, K. Sera.

#### Part V

    Chip: Klordain may have mechanical marvels.
    Gadget: He does?
    Chip: He may have fiendish thingies.
    Dale: He does! He does!
    Chip: He may even have hundreds of cutthroat bloodthirsty thugs.
    Monty: Yup! Them too.
    Chip: But we've got something he doesn't have.
    Gadget: Enough sense to get out of here?
    Chip: Courage and our friendship binding us together! So follow me! We've got a date with a ruby!
    Monty: He's bonkers in the conkers, ya know.
    Dale: Yeah? But he is my friend.
    Monty: Oh, well. You only live twice.
    Gadget: Well, that didn't work. But why didn't it work? It should have worked. Nothing I do works. Does that mean that if I did something that shouldn't work, it should work or does that mean I am a failure?
    Detective Drake: That's it? You're going to start an earthquake with lime gelatin? [Laughs] Oh, Klordain! You really had me going there! Didn't you forget the whipped cream?
    Professor Nimnul: Now you stop laughing! My theories are perfectly legitimate!
    Plato: From here on, the fate of the Global Gold Reserve is in the hands of you tiny troopers, chipmunk challengers, rescue rangers.
    Chip: I like the sound of that. Rescue Rangers.
    Monty: You mustachioed hairball! I've got a score to settle with you!
    Fat Cat: Settle a score?
    Monty: Yeah, you curtain-clawing clown! You sunk my house!
    Fat Cat: Oh, dear! I can't tell you how sorry I am. I assure you, if I had to do it over again, I'd SET FIRE to it!
    Edgar: Train's late again, Chauncey.
    Chauncey: Yup, Edgar.
    [Klordane's train whizzes through the station, carrying the gold stolen from the mint.]
    Edgar: How come we never get that train?
    [The Rangers zip through the station, riding the rail on Gadget's makeshift cart.]
    Chauncey: Things could be worse.
    Monty: Right, Gadget, we're almost there! Hit the brakes!
    Gadget: Golly! No one said anything about stopping.
    Plato: [cuts the chain holding him to the caboose] Ready or not, here I come!
    Monty: He's right, mates!
    Gadget: Congratulations, guys!
    Chip: Gosh, thanks.
    Chip: Well, I guess there's only one thing to say then. Rescue Rangers, away!

### A Lad In A Lamp [2.6]

    Fat Cat: Do you see him? Do you see him?
    Mole: [Keeping watch in the wrong direction] Nuh-uh! This fog is as thick as a drink.
    Fat Cat: Unfortunately, Mole, so are you. This way, you feeble-sighted dolt!
    Monty: Strike me starkers 'til I'm blue in the morning! I'm rich!
    Monty: And now I know what I want. I want CHEESE!
    Genie: It shall be done.
    Monty: No wait-wait-wait-wait! I mean, LOTS of CHEESE!
    Genie: Well, of course.
    Monty: I mean, a GREAT HEAPING BONDER PILE of CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!
    Genie: Is that all? Granted.
    Gadget: Golly! It's gonna take a lot of crackers to get through this.
    Monty: You know, I always thought I could never get enough of cheese. And I HAVEN'T!
    Monty: Now, pally, I said not to touch me lamp until I'M done with it.
    Gadget: Have it your way, Mr. Monterey Jack! Maybe your next wish oughta be for some new friends!
    Mepps: Just think. A magic lamp could give you gold, silver...
    Wart: ...diamonds, rubies! The possibilities are endless! What would you wish for, Mole, if you could have anything in the whole world?
    Mole: A candy bar?
    Fat Cat: Thank goodness I'm here to rescue it from you pea-brained small-timed thinkers and your puny little wishes.
    Mole: But it was going to be an extra-large candy bar.
    Fat Cat: [Sigh] I bet mind readers only charge you half-price.
    Fat Cat: Come to me, genie. We have history to make!
    Fat Cat: [When he finds out Monty is a genie] NO! It can't be! A Rescue Ranger! I've been tricked! Thwarted! Bamboozled! I wish I had something to flatten you!
    Monty: Granted. [Anvil beans Fat Cat on the head]
    Fat Cat: Slave! I wish the Rescue Rangers... were turned to dust!
    [Chip, Dale, Gadget and Zipper gasp.]
    Monty: No! I can't help myself... I... granted. I can't look!
    [Nothing happens.]
    Dale: ...Are we dust yet?
    Fat Cat: WHAT?! WHAT WENT WRONG?!
    Monty: [laughs] Sorry, Fat Cat! You're out of wishes! Only three to a customer! [disappears into the lamp]
    Fat Cat: [shaking the lamp] COME OUT OF THERE SO I CAN THROTTLE YOU!

### The Luck Stops Here [2.7]

    [Monty and Dale are pumping air for Gadget's diving suit]
    [First lines]
    Chip: Don't slow down now. We don't want Gadget to be short of air.
    Dale: [Between gasps] What about me? I'm already short of breath!
    Monty: Reminds me of some hieroglyphics I once saw on the banks of Teluka Lake. 'Course they turned out to just be the toe tracks of the Two-Stepping Taluka Lake-ian Toucan.
    Kismet: There's only room for one lucky pet round here, and your luck's just run out!
    Gadget: Is that any reason to [gulp] eat me?
    Kismet: Well, that and the fact that you are a mouse.
    Gadget: The way I see it, this should be as simple as piecing together a puzzle. If only I knew what the puzzle looked like.
    [Dale jogs to turn the phone book pages]
    Dale: [Between gasps] How come I always get the tough jobs?
    Monty: Just be thankful "Appliances" are at the front of the book, mate.
    [Last lines]
    Monty: How do you think old Cosgrove got that contraption to work so fast?" Monty asks out loud.
    Gadget: Just lucky, I guess.

### Battle Of The Bulge [2.8]

    Chip: You've gotta stop all this snacking, Monterey!
    Dale: Yeah! We could all have been caught on account of you!
    Monty: [shaking salt over his snacks] Ah, you're exaggerating. I'm as fit as I ever was.
    Chip: Uh-huh.
    Monty: You mates are mistaking me muscularity for fat.
    [He sits in a chair, which promptly collapses under his weight]
    Chip, Dale, Gadget: Uh-huh.
    Fat Cat: That's the problem with foreign imports. It's a pain getting decent service.
    Monty: Me days at the circus taught the two golden rules of acrobatics. One: Don't look down, and Two: Try not to land on the clowns!
    Bat 1: Mon, dat is one greedy cat.
    Bat 2: You got dat right, mon. His banana boat is short one batch.
    Fat Cat: Isn't commerce wonderful? Imagine! Trading nectarines for necklaces, bananas for brooches and tangelos for tiaras.

### Ghost Of A Chance [2.9]

    Fat Cat: Now, which way to the Crown Jewels?
    Wart: But, boss, why don't we just go to the museum like everyone else?
    Mepps: Yeah! Why do we need a secret map to find the Crown Jewels?
    Fat Cat: We're using a secret map because I know a little secret about the jewels.
    Mole: A secret? Oh, goody! What is it?
    Fat Cat: If I told you, it WOULDN'T BE A SECRET, NOW WOULD IT?!
    Chip: What is it, Zipper? What did you see? [Zipper inflates himself]
    Dale: A beach ball? [Zipper flails angrily around]
    Monty: A baseball with claws. [Zipper meows]
    Gadget: Fat Cat!
    Gadget: Now, Monty, you don't really believe in ghosts. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Colby, sir. I didn't mean to include you.
    Mr. Colby: It's quite all right, my dear. I haven't believed in myself for a long time either.

### An Elephant Never Suspects [2.10]

    Monty: [Angry at an elephant] I'll pack his trunk nine ways to Pittsburgh!
    Ting-a-Ling: Are you an engineering student too?
    Gadget: I just sort of dabble. Self-taught, mostly.
    [The Rescue Rangers overhear Elliot and his father arguing]
    Chip: Listen to that! They've got Elliot believing we're the thieves.
    Gadget: But we didn't do anything.
    Monty: Those scruggers already got us tried and convicted.
    [Zipper squeaks sadly and Dale blows his nose]
    Dale: [sobbing] Nobody will trust the Rescue Rangers again.
    Chip: WHAT?!
    [Chip smacks him in the face]
    Dale: Hey! What'd you do that for?
    Chip: We know we didn't steal the peanuts.
    Dale: Right.
    Chip: But do we know who did?
    Dale: No.
    Chip: THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?!
    All: RESCUE RANGERS, AWAY!
    [Gadget and Monty just escape from the angry elephants and land in a pile of peanuts underground. Ting Ming and Ting-a-Ling help them up]
    Gadget: [gasps] It was you guys.
    Monty: Crikey, Gadget, look at the peanuts. Bet them pachyderms would quit the rumbling if they got these back.
    Ting Ming: We wish to make amends. We can help return them.
    Ting-a-Ling: But it took us a long time to get them all down here.
    [Gadget thinks for a minute, then gets an idea]
    Gadget: Monterey, we need the fire hose!
    Monty: Right!
    [Captain Kernel stops stomping when he hears a loud noise under his feet]
    Captain Kernel: Strange. Doesn't sound like a rodent.
    [When he places his ear to the ground, a geyser of peanuts shoots out of the ground]
    Captain Kernel: WHOA!
    [All over the zoo, the animals rejoice their peanuts have been returned]
    Captain Kernel: Oh, it's all the peanuts. But who could have...?
    [A geyser shoots out with Chip and Dale on it]
    Chip: Rescue Rangers at your service, captain.
    [Captain Kernel finally realizes the Rescue Rangers had not stolen their peanuts and hangs his head in shame for accusing them]
    Bear: [happily munching his peanuts] I always knew they would solve the case. Hey, they're the Rescue Rangers.

### Fake Me To Your Leader [2.11]

    Chip: There's something strange about those aliens.
    Dale: Yeah! That alien sounded awful familiar.
    Gadget: And he's wearing a tailfin from a '59 Studebaker.
    Cop: Attention all cars! We have an unidentified fly object.
    Chip: This flying saucer is made out of rubber. Do you know what that means?
    Dale: Er... It's dishwasher safe?
    Gadget: We just weren't a team without you, Zipper.
    Dale: We could use somebody just your size.
    Zipper: Aw...
    Monty: Course, if you was just a wee bit bigger... you could fly us off of here! [laughs]

### Last Train to Cashville [2.12]

    Chip: It's time to go to bed.
    Dale: Phooey! I already did that last night.
    Chip: Last one there is a rotten furball!
    Gadget: [Examining evidence] Hmmm... The fur's too long for a mouse... Wait! Small soil particles exclusive to a lower strata.
    Chip: So what does that mean?
    Gadget: I'd say it's mole hair.
    Mepps: This is the last load. Let's hurry.
    Wart: What's the rush? You think these bricks are going to get up and walk away?
    Mole: Nah, Wart. I don't think they got any feet.
    Monty: Move your kabooses, gang! We've got a train to catch!
    Monty: We may be little but we pack a big punch!
    Monty: [Placing a brick on the ground] Here y'are, pally! This will break your fall. [Gadget glares at him] It was the softest thing I could find.
    Gadget: Really, Monterey! We want to break his fall, not his neck. [Zipper crash-lands on the brick]
    Monty: Good thing you don't have a neck, pally.
    Gadget: I can rig up a handcart in a jiff.... Well, make that two jiffs.
    [looking through the glass of a snake tank, as the snake is about to eat the Rangers]
    Mepps: It's just like watching TV!
    Mole: Aw, gee, it's another one of those nature shows.
    Chief of Police: Well, Davey, here's your train back, safe and sound.
    Davey: Gosh, sir, where'd you find it?
    [Shot of Muldoon and Kirby loading the stolen gold into a strongbox, for return to the bank.]
    Chief of Police: [chuckles] You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

### A Case Of Stage Blight [2.13]

    Dale: Don't want to miss the cartoon! Hope it's the one about the big dumb duck.
    [Tracking some puppets to the sewers]
    Chip: But why do those guys probably want to live down here?
    Monty: Rent's probably cheaper.
    Sewarnose de Bergerac: I am a professional. I have studied under the greatest performers of all time.
    Monty: Yeah, about thirty feet under.
    Sewarnose: There's nothing like a good melodrama. And this is nothing like one.
    Monty: [About Sewarnose] He's battier than a room full of Jamaican fruit-bats. But you gotta admit he's entertaining.
    Sewarnose: [Knocking at Clarence Dudley's dresser door] Candygram.
    Clarence: No, thank you. Much watch my figure, you know.
    Sewarnose: Flowers.
    Clarence: Heavens, no! My hay fever.
    Sewarnose: Singing telegram.
    Clarence: Hmmm...How droll. [Ahem!] Entre vous.
    Monty: [About Gadget blushing in a toy soldier's arms] It's the uniform, mates. Women go crazy for them.
    Sewarnose: Comic relief is essential to drama.
    [After flushing Sewarnose away]
    Monty: Well, I guess Sewarnose is all washed up in this town.
    Dale: Yeah! He really let himself go down the drain.

### The Case Of The Cola Cult [2.14]

    Chip: Gee, Gadget, didn't you put any brakes on this thing?
    Gadget: Don't be silly, Chip. Of course I did. But they fell off a few blocks back.
    Coo Coo Cola commercial: Come along. You belong. / Feel the fizz of Coo Coo Cola. / It's the cola for makin' you proud / Take another sip and be one of the crowd / Feel the fizz of Coo Coo Cola. / Come along. You belong. / Feel the fizz of Coo Coo Cola. / Get to the store and take all you can carry / We got the flavors - orange, grape, and cherry. / You belong with Coo Coo Cola. / Come along. You belong. / Feel the fizz of Coo Coo Cola. / It's bottled in Pensacola. / Come along with Coo Coo Cola, / You belong with Coo Coo Cola.
    Gadget: Don't worry. The Gyromobile is my best invention yet. Nothing could possibly go wrong. [CRASH!] ... I can fix that.
    [Later, a screw comes loose]
    Dale: What was that?
    Gadget: Oh, nothing to worry about.
    [Everything else starts to fall apart]
    Chip: What about that?
    Gadget: That was something to worry about.
    Monty: Zipper, all you all right? Squeak to me!
    Gadget: [Explaining that, now that she has packed up inventing, she has nothing to offer the team] Everyone can contribute something but me. Monterey has his strength, Zipper has his speed, Chip has his leadership abilities, Dale has... has a great sense of humour. But I can't even live up to my name. So I'm quitting.
    Monty: [About their Cola Cult outfits] I can't believe we hiked clear across town to dress up like a bunch of technicolor cheerleaders.
    Gadget: Golly! You don't need the Cola Cult as an excuse to get together. As long as you know where you belong, that's what's important.

### Throw Mummy From the Train [2.15]

    Dr. Crockery: We'll go to Inka Kinka Do just as soon as we finish up cataloging everything here. It ought to take up to 10-12 years... if you write fast.
    Monty: [To Hiram, a mummy] Drop him, you moldy oldie, or I'll knock you back to Zombieland!
    Monty: [Gadget] said "should" again, mates. Watch out!
    [Chip rapidly slaps Dale in the face]
    Dale: Hey! Why'd you do that for?!
    Chip: You and your souvenirs! You were supposed to be on the lookout!
    Hiram: [Disguised in a burqa] When I told him I was a mummy, he said he loved children.
    Dr. Crockery: Take him away, officers.
    Wexler: I'm tough-I can do a little hard time.
    Dr. Crockery: I've also arranged for you to continue cataloging the artifacts right in your jail cell.
    Wexler: No! No! Anything but that!
    Hiram: Thanks ever so much, everybody. You're the best friends a mummy could ever have.
    Monty: [Aside to Chip] Probably the only ones, I'd say.

### A Wolf In Cheap Clothing [2.16]

    Dale: It's just like in my comics!
    Chip: Will you be quiet? It's just a silly comic book!
    Dale: Silly?! Comics are informational!
    Officer Kirby: Man! That's the biggest dog I've ever seen. And it has a pretty expensive appetite.
    Dale: Wolfsbane! It keeps the werewolves away.
    Monty: [Sniffs] Pee-yew! That would keep anyone away!
    Chip: That only works in comic books.
    Dale: Oh yeah?! You don't see any werewolves around here, do ya?
    Dale: He's a-a-a werewolf!
    Monty: More like a wolfwere. I've never heard of a wolf turning into a man before.
    Monty: Piece of cheesecake!
    [netting Nimnul, with a semi-human head on the body of a combined elephant/crocodile/ostrich/wolf]
    Officer Muldoon: Is this weird enough for ya?
    Officer Kirby: Someone left open the door at the Twilight Zone.

### Robocat [2.17]

    Father: Sic 'em, Butch.
    Butch: I had a feeling he was going to say that.
    Butch: I'm working awful hard for a guy who gets paid in dog food.
    Butch: What a night! Robot cats, fish-nappers and me beaten in a fight. Nothing would surprise me at this point. [Sees the Ranger Plane] A squirrel-powered zeppelin... A SQUIRREL-POWERED ZEPPELIN?!
    Fat Cat: At last, Luna, the world's rarest tropical fish. Such beauty, such delicacy, such priceless rarity. Truly, this unique pinnacle of Mother Nature's handiwork will make a superb addition to my renowned collection of fine... dinners.
    Mole: [Reading a cookbook] I don't get it. It says: "Separate two eggs" but it doesn't say how far apart to separate them.
    Fat Cat: Let me see that, you pinheads! "Take one cup flour, two cups milk, one pinch salt-" Don't tell me you pinched the salt!
    Mole: Of course not! Mepps pinched it.
    Monty: [shoves a spring into Tom's Mouth] Here, chew on this for a while, you clockwork kitty!
    [Butch gestures madly down the drainhole but the father remains ignorant]
    Butch: Oh, take a hint, will ya?
    Father: Hmmm... Maybe Luna's down in the sewer.
    Butch: And he's supposed to be the dominant species on the planet.
    [Butch gestures madly down the drainhole but the father remains ignorant]
    Father: [gasps] That cat's attacking him!
    Butch: No, he's not, he's savin' him!
    Father: You're right...! Who said that?
    [The father looks around. Butch whistles innocently.]
    Gadget: Every cat should have a home.
    Monty: Now, if we could only find a good home for Fat Cat.
    Chip: Yeah, like the state pen.

### Does Pavlov Ring A Bell? [2.18]

    Gadget: One little adjustment and this will run with no problems. [Monty and Zipper duck for cover] What are you doing?
    Monty: Sorry, Gadget luv. It's a reflex. Every time I hear the words "No problems", it usually means anything but.
    Chip: L-look, Sparky, I know you think we don't like you, but if Gadget likes you, how bad can you be?
    Dale: It's no use, Chip. Nothing can stop him when he's programmed. He said so himself. [Chip pulls out a picture of Gadget] Hey! Who gave you that?
    Chip: Who d'ya think?
    Chip: [Giving a thimble with a flower] I picked this just for you.
    Gadget: Thanks, Chip. It's perfect. [Takes the thimble instead] This should keep the prop on.
    Monty: [As Chip and Dale fight yet again] Isn't friendship grand?
    Monty: We might as well baste ourselves in butter, mate, 'cause we're gonna fry for sure.
    Gadget: Professor Nimnul is a crook! He programmed you and Buzz to rob banks for him!
    Sparky: [Gasps] Use science for evil purposes? Why, I'll pulverise that robot of his into atomic particles!
    Gadget: Hold it, Sparky. We'd better let Chip and Dale handle it. They're the best.
    Chip and Dale: We are? We are!

### Prehysterical Pet [2.19]

    Gadget: A pet is a big responsibility, Dale.
    Monty: Especially when he's bigger than you are.
    Museum Guard: I swear, Dr. Piltdown, it was a big lizard. Like a baby dinosaur.
    Dr. Piltdown: If this is a joke, I'll put you in charge of the children's group tours!
    Museum Guard: Anything but that, Doc!
    Dale: Read my lips! Go home!
    Steggy: Oh, er, Dale?
    Dale: Yeah?
    Steggy: I'd like it very much for you to come and live with me...
    Dale: Oh, yeah?!
    Steggy: ...but I'm not allowed to have any pets.
    Steggy: Oh, I am a dinosaur, but I come from another planet in a galaxy far, far, away. We've lived there happily for millions of centuries. Hidding in the clearings of the swamp-like environment. We've built cities to house our population. We've learned to live together in perfect harmony. There have been no wars, no fighting on our planet for thousands of years. For we have learned to be content with what we have. And through the years, our artists and scientists have contributed to our busy society, making our lives meaningful and complete. We have even stared the stars of the sky and developed our own space program to explore the planets of the Galaxies around us. One planet have particulary had the requirements necessary to support our life forms - the planet you call Earth. Millions of years ago, we launched a fleet of spacecrafts to travel to this planet. We maintained radio contact with them until soon after they landed here. Then without warning, all communications ceased. With the failure of our space program, we were too fearful to continue exploring the planets, and abandoned future space research. But I was determined to find out what happened to my ancestors. So, outfitting our last spaceship with the large supply of food packets, I travelled across the Universe to see for myself. Meanwhile at the natural history museum, my spaceship's being mistaken for a dinosaur egg.

### A Creep in the Deep [2.20]

    Monty: Reminds me of the time I visited the Leaning Tower in Italy. Had the best piece a' pizza in Pisa.
    Monty: Random destruction. That's my kind of plan.
    [about finding the abandoned submarine]
    Captain Finn: It was practically brand-new! It only had 20,000 leagues on it.
    Monty: [to Chip] I don't suppose you have a plan?
    Gadget: [walks past them carrying a glass cutter] No problem.
    Monty: Do you always carry a glass cutter around with you?
    Gadget: No. Just when I want to cut glass.
    Monty: Me tail's been slammed, singed, kinked and cracked! Now it's payback time!

### Normie's Science Project [2.21]

    Gadget: Once I found a perpetual motion machine just lying in the trashcan. Of course, by then it had stopped moving.
    Gadget: Did you know mozarella conducts electricity twice as well as provolone?
    Normie: The science fair was postponed... for repairs.
    Professor Nimnul: Haven't I told you never to play with my super-weapons? You could devastate yourself.
    Professor Nimnul: [Searching his record collection] Here it is! "Music To Devastate The Globe By". In Stereo.
    [Professor Nimnul has activated his Molecular Audio Emphathizer, not knowing that the record he planned to use was replaced with a Boogie record]
    Normie: Gee, uncle Norton, why do you want to destroy the city?
    Professor Nimnul: Because nobody takes a mad scientist seriously until he's leveled a city or two. But once I've proven my power, I'll have the whole world in my sway! [Pushes a button to view what his music has wrought]
    Normie: Is the city in your sway, Uncle Norton?
    Professor Nimnul: No. It's just... swaying. That can't be the right record! For one thing, utter devastation always has more drums and cymbals.
    Normie: [When he spots the Rescue Rangers] Oh, boy! Defenseless little animals.
    Professor Nimnul: These are delicate instruments of destruction. If you don't know how to use them, you could hurt somebody.
    Monty: [After experiencing a sonically-induced earthquake] I feel like a pogo stick with the hiccups.

### Seer No Evil [2.22]

    Gadget: [After riding the roller-coaster] If they've straightened out that angle on that last curve, we'd have seen some real speed!
    Chip: That fake speed was enough for me, Gadget.
    Monty: Waltzing Matildas! That had more twists than the Sydney Snake Stampede in '66.
    Dale: [after collapsing to the ground] Yeah! Let's do it again!
    Monty: Cassandra, the fortune-telling gypsy moth!
    Chip: Come on, Monterey! No one can see the future.
    Monty: Cassandra can! She once told me I was going on a trip through time and the very next day, I fell off a grandfather clock.
    Monty: I brought me pals here-
    Cassandra: Donna tell me! They want I should tell their fortunes.
    Dale: Gosh! That's ESP!
    Chip: More like easy guess.
    Cassandra: I am very sorry but that's the way the crystal ball bounces.
    Gadget: The tall dark stranger! Just like Cassandra predicted!
    Chip: Not those predictions again. That's it! We're going home!
    Monty: I knew you'd see it my way. No elephant's gonna fall on you there.
    Chip: That's it! We're staying!
    Monty: I just hope we don't have to rescue a Rescue Ranger.
    Monty: Well, I predict we won't be seeing those two [crooks] for quite a while.
    Chip: And I know the Rescue Rangers will be together for a long time too.
    Gadget: Is that what Cassandra told you?
    Chip: Nope! You don't need a crystal ball to see that.

### Chipwrecked Shipmunks [2.23]

    Chip: Do we have to go this fast?
    Gadget: Golly, Chip! It's the only way we'll find out if the new Ranger Boat will hold up!
    Monty: Who cares about the Ranger Boat?! I'm worried about whether we'll hold up!
    Monty: The last time I was in a hurricane, it caused more damage than a cat at a canary convention.
    Stormy: As soon as Jolly Roger gets here, we'll decide if we should slice ya.
    Pi-Rat 1: Or dice ya!
    Stormy: Or dice ya.
    Pi-Rat 1: Or cut ya to ribbons!
    Stormy: Or cut ya to ribbons!
    Monty: Or cut us loose!
    Stormy: Or cut ya loose...Hey now! Cut that out!
    Gadget: [Dale and Monty] sure are acting goofy.
    Chip: Good! That means everything is perfectly normal.
    Pi-Rat 2: I say we make them walk the plank.
    Jolly Roger: Nah, we did that last time.
    Pi-Rats: Awwwr!
    Pi-Rat 3: How about we keelhaul them?
    Pi-Rats: AARR!
    Jolly Roger: Nah, we just painted the keel.
    Pi-Rats: Awwwr!
    Stormy: We could dress 'em like bunnies and dip 'em in chocolate.
    Pi-Rats: AAar.... Huh?!
    Jolly Roger: I'm afraid that ain't pi-rat-ical enough, Stormy.
    Gadget: Well, considering the time of day and all, you could bury us in the sand and wait for high tide to come in.
    Pi-Rats: AAAAAAAR!
    Jolly Roger: A fine idea!
    Chip: Gadget!
    Gadget: Oops! You know I can't resist a challenge.
    Dale: Do you think they followed us?
    Monty: [Seeing the cutlasses thrown at them] I'm sure of it!

### When Mice Were Men [2.24]

    Don Quijole: He has returned! The evil one! The great bull, El Elemenopio!
    Dale: What a silly name for a bull! [Laughs]
    Gadget: Grab that broom over there, will ya?
    Monty: Righto, Gadget! But I don't think we need to worry about keeping the place clean. After all, it was trashed out long before we got here.
    Gadget: No, Monty. I need a hand.
    Monty: I thought I was helping ya.
    Gadget: I mean a whole arm. Now stick the end of that broom through here.
    Monty: Sure glad you know what you're talking about, luv, 'cause I don't have the slightest clue.
    Monty: All right, you moth-eaten excuse for an overnight bag, let's see if you're as dumb as you were in the old days!

### Chocolate Chips [2.25]

    Gadget: I suppose my supercharged xenon flash is a bit bright.
    Monty: No, the sun is bright. That thing is downright blinding.
    Dale: [Akin to Monty's cheese attack] CHO-O-O-O-O-OCOLATE!

### The Last Leprechaun [2.26]

    Chip: Hang on, Dale!
    Dale: [As the branch breaks] I am hanging on, but it's letting go!
    Darby Spree, the leprechaun: Saints preserve us! Something's happening with me pot of gold.
    Dale: Yeah, I'm not getting it!
    Chip: Well, c'mon, we've got to save Dale from himself... again.
    Gadget: Improbable.
    Monty: Don't you mean, er... "Impossible"?
    Gadget: Of course not, Monty! Nothing is impossible.

### Weather Or Not [2.27]

    Monty: Why, my tail is as good at predicting the weather as a bunion on a bulldog's toe.
    Dale: Is that good?
    Monty: Good?! Who am I to question a bulldog's bunions?
    Officer Muldoon: [Pointing to a vehicle hanging from the rooftop of a building] How'd that bank truck get up there?
    Officer Kirby: I guess the driver was desperate for a parking space.
    Monty: Let's see. The first time my tail went off, I was passing this warehouse on my way to find some cheese. And the second time my tail went off, I was passing the same warehouse on my way home. So that could mean only one thing!... Too bad I don't know what it is.
    Monty: This guy's definitely one snowflake short of a blizzard.
    Professor Nimnul: That's it! No more Mr. Nice Mad Scientist!
    Gadget: If we're going to stop Nimnul, we'll have to play by his rules.
    Dale: You mean cheat?

### One Ups-Man-Chip [2.28]

    Fat Cat: The Rescue Rangers! But.. But how did you learn about my brilliant plan?
    Chip: It was easy. One: The world's largest pearl is your kind of target.
    Gadget: Two: Our friends at the pier told us you bought some diving equipment just yesterday.
    Monty: Three: We found your gang's footprints outside of here earlier. They must have been casing the joint.
    Dale: And four:...Well... You haven't done anything crummy in a while so we figured that you were due.
    Fat Cat: Outwitted me, eh? Then tell me, Refuse Rangers, who's got the last laugh now?
    [Chip has planted a radio receiver in a turban Dale is wearing and is pretending to be the spirit Rama Lama Ding-Dong]
    Dale: But what are you doing here?
    Chip: You conjured me up, while playing a joke on your incredibly-handsome friend Chip.
    Dale: Hey, put me down! Don't make me use my mental powers against you!
    Snout: Ah, boss, be careful. He does have weird powers.
    Mole: Yeah, he even read my mind!
    Fat Cat: That proves he's a fake! You don't have a mind.
    Fat Cat: I'll take care of the shark, YOU take care of the pearl.
    Dale: But who will take care of me?
    Chip: I will!
    [Over a high tank with a guard shark]
    Fat Cat: Will you hurry up!
    Mole: But I suffer from a fear of heights and bites.
    Mepps: But boss you said only idiots can do that stuff.
    Fat Cat: Shut up!
    Dale: [To Chip, at the end of the episode] Got you last!

### Shell Shocked [2.29]

    Monty: Ya know something, Chipper, when it comes to planning, you're a pro, but since this is our day off, do ya think we could just maybe, ya know, have some fun?
    Chip: Absolutely! Not a problem. I've got that figured in too.
    Dale: [Reads schedule] "Organize Equipment: 10–10:30, Supervised Group Nap: 10:30–1. Fun: 11–11:05..." 5 minutes!?! You scheduled only 5 measly minutes for Fun!?!
    Chip: Well, we're running late here so better cut that back to 4 minutes.
    Gadget: Perfect! My own blend of sunblock. Now I can sit in the sun for 2 hours, 18 minutes and 36 seconds exactly.
    Dale: What happened to you? Aren't hermit crabs supposed to have a shell or something?
    Hermit Crab Leader: We all had shells, earmuff. But when we woke up this morning, they all had disappeared, vanished, departed.
    Dale: [Gasp] You mean they were gone?!
    Hermit Crab Leader: [Sarcastically] It's a good thing you're not any sharper, son. You'd cut yourselves?
    [Crabs from the beach ask the Rangers for help finding their missing shells]
    Gadget: I'm sure that if we can find their missing shells they'd be much less crabby. I mean, still crabs, but not so crab-like. Well, wait! Still crab-like, since they are crabs, after all...
    Monty: Gadget luv, drop it.
    [Later, when they get the shells back]
    Gadget: See, I told you they'd be less crabby once they got their homes back. Back on their backs, I mean. I mean, they're still crabs and everything. What I'm trying to say is...
    Monty: Gadget luv, that's getting on my nerves.
    Dale: I don't understand why all the missing shells aren't here. This is a Shell Station.
    Mole: Wow, boss! Did you know that if you put your ear to a seashell, you can hear the ocean inside?
    Fat Cat: Of course I knew, you idiot! That's the whole point to my brilliant criminal master plan.
    Mole: Wow! Where did they put the batteries?
    Fat Cat: Shells don't use batteries. The ocean's sound they make is a mystery of nature like how you manage to operate without any brains.
    Mepps: [Raised voice] Boss! Hey, Boss! Looks like we got all the fish!
    Fat Cat: [Annoyed] Didn't anyone tell you it was rude to shout?! [Calms down] Now...Tell me, is the net in place? I don't want any of my fish escaping. Well?! WELL, ANSWER ME?!
    Mepps: $_{Y-y-yes,boss.}$
    Fat Cat: Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to MUMBLE?!
    Dale: With me in charge, we'll crack this case in no time. [Rushes headlong into a pillar]
    Chip: You'll crack something, at least.
    Fat Cat: I have style, I have class, I have breeding... I have a temper!
    Gadget: At times like this, I usually don't resort to shrill emotional outbursts but in this case, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

### Love Is A Many Splintered Thing [2.30]

    Gadget: Look, Monty!
    Dale: A real treat!
    Chip: Your favorite: Jack cheese!
    Monty: No thanks, mate. I'm not real hungry.
    Everyone: [GASP!]
    Monty: It was love at first sniff.
    Dale: You never know when opportunity will knock. [Hears a knock] See?
    Monty: Now look here, Chip, I demand an apology.
    Chip: An apology?! I'm not the one who deserted his duty! We can't depend on you for anything!
    Monty: Is that so? All right. If that's the way you feel about me, I QUIT!
    Dale: Well, you sure handled that right.
    Monty: [After a whack on the head] I feel like I'm holding a mongoose convention in me head.
    Chip: You have to get us up there, Gadget!
    Gadget: Great! I can try out the new ejection seats.
    Chip/Dale/Monty: Ejection seats...? [all three of them are launched airborne]
    Monty: From now on, I'm not gonna let anything or anyone turn my head around. [Gets a cheese attack]
    Dale: What's with him?
    Gadget: The flight out must be serving macaroni and-
    Monty: -chee-eee-eee-eeese!

### Song Of The Night N' Dale [2.31]

    Monty: Gadget's gone too far this time, Chip. She's got these blinking propellers facing the wrong way.
    Chip: She knows what she's doing, Monterey. I'm sure the Ranger Wing is perfectly safe.
    Gadget: [Working] Oh, darn! I'm always ending up with parts left over.
    Monty: Yeah, about as safe as a joyride on the Titanic.
    Dale: What's this?
    Gadget: That's the hover switch. It should turn the Ranger Wing into a helicopter.
    Chip & Monty: SHOULD?!
    Monty: Take her down, pally! I left me stomach back on the ground floor.

### Double O Chipmunk [2.32]

    Gadget: [In disguise] My contact will know you by the password: "Seven shy spies stole the shyster's secrets." I know you won't let me down, super spy. [Gives him a kiss] Good luck. Remember the password. [Leaves]
    Dale: [Dazed] Right. "Seven spy chides see the sky luck's egrets.
    Francis: This traffic is going to kill us! Quick! In the sewers!
    Louie: Do you mean there's quick traffic in the sewers?
    Francis: Take these two back to the boss' place for insurance.
    Moe: Right... Gee, does the boss sell insurance? We'd like to investigate other policy options.
    Louie: Yeah! We're disappointed with the premiums on our long-term life annuity.
    Francis: Just go! GO! GO! GET OUT!
    Spy: Chipmunks?! The greatest spy in the world was beaten by chipmunks?!

### Gadget Goes Hawaiian [2.33]

    Monty: Nice idea, Gadget luv.
    Gadget: Thanks, Monty! Which one?
    Monty: The one you're going to come up with next.
    Lahwhinie: Oh, yoo hoo! Yoo hoo!
    Gadget: Oh! Hello! Um, is it OK that I'm here? I mean, I'm not trespassing or anything?
    Lahwhinie: No, Honey, I'd say you were in exactly in the right place! [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes] By the way, my name's Lahwhinie.
    Gadget: Mine's Gadget. You know... You remind me of someone...
    Lahwhinie: What an intriguing name! Gadget! [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes again] Just like those gadgets on your feet!
    Gadget: My feet! I mean... Gosh! I'm sinking!
    Lahwhinie: I bet you'd have all kinds of gadgets to get across this lobster tank! That is assuming you wanted to get across!
    Gadget: That's the trouble, I can never decide on just one!
    Lahwhinie: [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes again and again] But that's fabulous!
    Gadget: Really? My friends don't always think it's so wonderful.
    Lahwhinie: You've already figured out how to get across the lobster tank! [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes again and again and again] And if you had to... say... oh, I don't know... May be walk across a tightrope over coals?
    Gadget: Well, once I calculated out the center of gravity...
    Lahwhinie: You'd figure out a dozen ways to do it! And I'll bet even an ocean wave wouldn't slow you down!
    Gadget: Oh gosh! There are lots of ways to handle that!
    Lahwhinie: You know... [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes twice] You're just the person to help me!
    Gadget: I am?
    Lahwhinie: I have this little... uh... test I have to run tonight. [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes twice again] It's just a tiny survival test... no big deal. And I thought may be you, with all those wonderful ideas, could run the test instead of me!
    Gadget: Sure! Gosh! You look just like me!
    Lahwhinie: [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes once] Just like sisters! And I'd do anything for a sister!
    Gadget: But... But I don't want to hog all the fun!
    Lahwhinie: Oh, honey! [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes twice] You'd be doing me a favor! Swear to Pele! Now, uh... My friends will be here soon...
    Gadget: Oh! But my friends are meeting me here soon for the Luau!
    Lahwhinie: Your friends are my friends, right, honey. [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes twice] I'll take care of yours and you let mine take care of you! Good luck with the test! Uh... I mean... have fun!
    Chip: Do we go to the beach or sightseeing?
    Gadget: Well, how about if we wear our swimsuits while we go sightseeing? Or we could look at maps while we lie on the beach? ...Or if we sightsee on stilts, we'd be that much closer to the sun.
    Lahwhinie: Survival test? No one told me about any test! [she uses her hypnosis technique with her eyes twice again] We've never even had a queen before.
    Hubba Hubba: No one ever survived before.
    Lahwhinie: [Posing as Gadget] 'Scuse me. I have to get that thing you pound pointy things in with.
    Chip: You mean hammer?
    Lahwhinie: Yeah, that's it!
    Gadget: C'mon, Gadget, just do it!
    Chip: Ok. Looks like plan Q may work here. [Plan goes awry] Ok. Time for Plan R.

### It's A Bird, It's Insane, It's Dale! [2.34]

    Monty: I've seen weirder things than that in a cafeteria line.
    Dale: There! 137 comic books. Now I know everything about being a superhero. Look out, world! Here comes, er, Supermunk... Expando-Dale...The Amazing Bonzerine! Aw... I need a name that will strike fear into the hearts of criminals... Rubber-Band-o!
    Gadget: We're the Rescue Rangers, a small, but efficient, battalion of do-gooders devoted to helping those in trouble. Would you like to see our news clippings?
    Officer Kirby: Where's that flame thrower?
    Dale: [As Rubber-Band-o] No! Wait! I'm too young to fry!
    Gadget: With this test I'll be able to tell what this brochure is made out of.
    Chip: Well?
    Gadget: It's made out of paper!
    Chip: That's it?
    Gadget: Well that, and the fact that it came from Seymour's Travel Agency near the corner of Lankershim and Cahuenga.
    Monty: Wow, that's some test, Gadget luv!
    Gadget: Well, actually, the address is stamped right on the bottom of the brochure.

### Short Order Crooks [2.35]

    Monty: Now that's a sweet old lady, setting out a bowl of milk for the poor homeless stray... CATS?!
    Gadget: We spent all night scrubbing and cleaning and polishing and the kitchen still smells like cheddar.
    Chip: We should be glad Monterey wasn't making saltwater taffy. We'd have to move out.
    Dale: If we don't get stuck in the doorway.
    Monty: What happened?
    Chip: They were going to turn you into a donut.
    Monty: Well, if I have to be a breakfast roll, I'd rather be a cheese danish.
    Fry: I hate mice... But I like to catch 'em!
    Chip: Hey, Dale, you pull while I push.
    Dale: How come you always make all the decisions?
    Chip: Okay, fine, have it your way. I'll push and you pull.
    Dale: That's better.
    Dale: I'll say this for your cheese chowder, Monty.
    Monty: What's that, mate?
    Dale: It may be fattening but it's a great way to lose weight.

### Mind Your Cheese and Qs [2.36]

    Monty: I didn't mean to. I couldn't help meself. Just the smell of cheese and I lose control.
    Dale: Eat my lunch again and I'll lose control.
    Monty: I'm so ashamed. One whiff of cheese and I become a munster, uh, monster.
    Woman: Officer, I want to report a highway robbery.
    Sergeant Spinelli: Whereabouts, ma'am?
    Woman: At the grocery store. Have you seen the price of cheese lately?
    Rat Capone: Well, what do you want, fatso?
    Monty: Chee-eee-eee-eeese!
    Rat Capone: Not without go-ooo-ooo-ooold.
    Monty: Cheeeeeeeeeese.
    Dale: Cool it, Monty! The cow said there isn't any.
    Gadget: But, Dale, if Monty smells cheese there must be some.
    Chip: And I'll bet where there's cheese, there's Rat Capone. Follow the scent, Monty.
    Gadget: But, remember, control yourself.
    Monty: Don't worry. I'm... [Sniffs] ...in complete control.
    Gadget: Monty! Slow down!
    Monty: I'm in control. I'm in control. I'm out of control! I'm out of control!
    Chip: Terrific. Now he's disappeared, too.
    Rat Capone: Say, you got spunk.
    Gadget: Thanks.
    Rat Capone: I hate spunk!
    Chip: Go on, cheese whiz. Tune that sensational schnoz to Capone's cheese stash!
    Monty: :[as Gadget slides toward a deathtrap] Fight it, Monty... fight it!
    Rat Capone: [waving a piece of gourmet cheese] The brie, Monty, the brie...
    Monty: GAH! I'll make "de-bris" out of YOU!
    Monty: From now on, I'll mind my cheese and Qs... [Gets a whiff]... tomorrow. Chee-eee-eeee-eeese!

### Out of Scale [2.37]

    Monty: Are you two fighting again?
    Chip: Of course not! We're just having a spirited discussion.
    Pigeon: Excuse me, is this a formal fight? You're all wearing tails.
    Chip: Dale, watch where you're going!
    Dale: You watch where you're standing!
    Moose : Say, Rocko, is stealing little animals against the law?
    Rocko: Of course it is, you uneducated lowlife.
    Moose: Phew! Thank goodness! I was afraid for a minute there, we was gonna have to go straight.
    Rocko: That shrinking gizmo we stole from Professor Nimnul worked like a charm on the statue.
    Ignatz Ratskiwatski: Yes, but you fools had to steal Professor Nimnul along with it!
    [After being foiled by the Rescue Rangers]
    Ignatz: I should never have broken my cardinal rule... NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!
    Professor Nimnul: They can't do this! They can't use my invention to create devastation like this without giving credit to me! [Gets handcuffed] Honest. I had nothing to do with this.

### Dirty Rotten Diapers [2.38]

    [First lines]
    Chip: Boy, what a case!
    Dale: We sure whooped those bad guys!
    Monty: Too right we did! And nothing like having the bodily injuries to prove it.
    Gadget: How can you say that, Monty?
    Monty: Easy. Me mouth is the only thing that doesn't hurt.
    Chip: Kinder and gentler Rangers, away!
    Gadget: Gosh, Chip! You're practically pacifist perfect.
    Chip: Thanks, Gadget... I think.
    Chip: Looks like we're chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
    Gadget: Monterey, being a Rescue Ranger is more than just exciting, harrowing narrow escapes and outrageous fights to the bitter end!
    Monty: Since when?
    Gadget: Patience, patience, everyone. The baby's probably going through his terrible twos.
    Monty: I vote we keep the brat from ever reaching three!
    [When they find out the baby is a thug]
    Gadget: We've got to stop him and those other crooks without resorting to fisticuffs.
    Monty: Give us a break, luv! Gandhi would want to take a swing at this kid.
    Gadget: Well, I say we kindly go back to that house, gently go inside... then drag that baby out by his dirty rotten diapers!
    Chip and Dale: [gasp] Gadget!
    Gadget: [yells; angry] I've had it! No more wimping out! Let's shake that baby till he rattles!
    Chip: Wait, I've got a better plan. Let's expose that phony adoption agency to the police. Monty, get the Ranger Wing ready. Zipper, Dale, get some strong twine.
    Dale: To tie up the baby?
    Chip: [whispering] No! To tie down Gadget. I think she's blown a gasket.
    Gadget: Grrrr!
    Chip: [dazed] Enough Mr. Nice Guy. I say we do it Gadget's way.
    Monty: What do you suggest, Gadget luv?
    Gadget: TRASH THE BRAT!

### Good Times, Bat Times [2.39]

    Monty: They call this pizza with the works? They forgot the peanut butter!
    Dale: Maybe the chef had good taste.
    Monty: Yeah, but he doesn't know what tastes good.
    Monty: [About bubblegum] You pop it, you wear it.
    Dale: Y'know, I didn't think bats could do this.
    Foxglove: Do what, darling?
    Dale: Hang around in midair like this when they're carrying so much weight.
    Foxglove: Uh oh!
    Dale: What's wrong?
    Foxglove: We can't!
    Winifred: Don't call me Freddie!
    Bud: [hits his jaw against the glass, which doesn't break] I thought I told you to cut the glass!
    Lou: I did, I did! You gotta hit it harder.
    [Bud picks up Lou in his mouth and smashes him against the glass, which breaks this time.]
    Lou: [moaning] Not that hard.
    Dale: It's Gadget's turn to cook and everything tastes like machine oil.
    Winifred: [to Frog-Dale] I think I'll try turning you into a jellyfish!
    Foxglove: Don't do it, Freddie!
    [Winifred turns and sees Foxglove dangling a brick over her cauldron.]
    Winifred: No, Foxglove, don't!
    Foxglove: Change Dale back and promise to let us go, or I'll drop this and ruin your spell!
    Winifred: [panicking] No, no! Don't drop it! I promise! Here, watch! Are you watching?! [quickly changes Dale back to normal]

### Pie In The Sky [2.40]

    [After retrieving a frisbee for a puppy]
    Monty: Awful sweet little fella, eh?
    Chip: Yeah! Just like this case: Awful and little. What we need to find is a really big case.
    Dale: How about that big German shepherd who lost his accent? [Gets bonked on the head] Is that a yes?
    Ma Sweeney: Oh, Sweeney, you little dickens! Someday you'll be more famous than Betty what's-her-name, more popular than that old Colonel fella and more importantly, you will be rich, rich, rich, rich, RICH!
    Todd Sweeney: Hey, ma! How'd you like all the birdies I caught? [Giggle] Shucks! I'll bet they'll make you rich enough to buy all the diamonds you can hope for. Get it? Hope? Diamonds? Hope Diamond? I'm so funny!
    [Upon hearing a lot of caws]
    Gadget: Did you hear that?
    Chip: It came from over there.
    Monty: Sounds like Alfred Hitchcock is making a movie over there.
    Gadget: C'mon, Monty! We have to save Midge.
    Monty: B-b-but, Gadget, look at the size of those cats!
    Gadget: [Pointing to the caged birds] Look at the size of those eyes!
    Jack: How'd you like a nice, juicy chipmunk sandwich for a change?
    Nicholas: You know me, Jack. Just your average hungry little devil.
    Nicholas: Heeeeeere's dinner!
    Monty: Brilliant plan for the boys to keep those felines busy while we free the birds.
    Gadget: I sure hope it was a plan, Monty.
    Chip: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard... Let's try it!
    [After crashing into a bag of flour]
    Dale: Oh no! We didn't make it! We're ghosts! This is terrible! AWFUL!
    Monty: You want me to hold off the c-c-cats, Chipper?!
    Chip: Don't do it for me, Monty - do it for Midge!
    [Midge turns her doleful gaze on Monty.]
    Monty: Those eyes ought to be registered as lethal weapons.
    [Ma's electromagnet interferes with a plane's instruments.]
    Pilot: Time to land already? But this can't be Burbank, the air's too clean.
    Ma Sweeney: [About Todd] Every family tree has its sap.

### Le Purrfect Crime [2.41]

    Ratatouille: I hate rodents!
    Lesueur : You are a rodent, Ratatouille.
    Ratatouille: Non, monsieur! I am an artiste!
    Chip: Okay, Rangers, we need a plan!... Unfortunately, I didn't plan on a plan.
    Maltese de Sade: Ready! Aim! Champagne!
    Chip: You really goofed up this time, Dale! Sometimes I think the Rescue Rangers would be better off without you.
    Dale: Hey, it wasn't my fault! Tell him, Gadget.
    Gadget: Well, if you believe in the ethereal theory that everything happens for a reason, then it wasn't your fault. Technically, however, you're a goof-up.
    Dale: [Having amnesia] Who am I?
    Rat Philosopher: Who are any of us? Zis is ze essential question. To live is to exist and yet, to exist is to live. Yet...
    Dale: Oy! And I thought I was confused.
    Ratatouille: Eat your heart out, Rembrat!
    Gadget: [running from Dale] I think we lost him... what's wrong with him?
    Rat Philosopher: The question is, what is wrong with society? He is but a microcosm in this lonely universe...
    Chip: Why doesn't Dale aim at him?
    Chip: You know, that guy I saw earlier looked like Dale. He was wearing a headband and... [gasp] It is Dale!
    Dale: No... I'm your worst nightmare.
    Gadget: Dale, a traitor?! I can't believe that! Not in a million years! [Dale takes a shot at them] Is it 1 million A.D. already?
    [In a duel]
    Dale: En garde!
    Chip: Touche!
    Dale: Souffle!
    Chip: Ole!
    Dale: Say hey!
    Maltese de Sade: Voila! There is the key to my plan diabolique: La Tour Eiffel!
    Dale: Looks just like the Eiffel tower.
    Maltese de Sade: It is the Eiffel tower, souffle brain!
    Maltese de Sade: My device! She is smashed flat as a Crepe Suzette! What have you done?
    Rat Philosopher: What have any of us done? To exist is to do. To do is to be done. What is the big... [de Sade grabs him and throws him off the tower] to-dooooooooo...?
    Maltese de Sade: AAAAAHHH!

### When You Fish Upon a Star [2.42]

    Gadget: Relax, it's practically foolproof.
    Chip: Yeah, but is it Dale-proof?
    Sonny's Dad: [Drowning] Sonny! As I almost live and breathe!
    Dale: Abandon bleach bottle! I mean... abandon ship!
    Fat Cat: You idiots! You sank the wrong ship! You sank the Lusitania!
    Fat Cat: Just because I'm particular doesn't mean I'm not greedy.
    Fat Cat: What more can go wrong?
    Mepps: Hurricanes, pirates, blizzards, wild gila monsters...
    Monty: Now right behind these vines is a gigantic waterfall.
    Dale: [Seeing a dripping rockface] What do you call it, Monty? The Niagara Trickle?
    Gadget: I still haven't figured out how you've been sinking those ships but I should have known you were the ones doing it, even though there was no way to know, you know.
    Fat Cat: As soon as I figure out what you just said, I shall congratulate you on your brilliant deductive abilities.
    Mole: Firefly, firefly bright. First firefly I see tonight. I wish for a basketball.
    Fat Cat: If you're going to make a wish, Mole, wish for some brains.
    Mepps: Hey, boss. What's that?
    Fat Cat: I don't want to hear it!
    Mepps: There, in the water?
    Fat Cat: Keep paddling! I don't want to hear it! [Something crashes into their boat, which starts to sink] W-w-what happened?
    Mole: You don't wanna hear it.

### Rest Home Rangers [2.43]

    Dale: It sure is a lot of work getting ready for Monterey Jack's birthday party but one thing makes it all worth it.
    Gadget: You mean knowing you've made Monty's birthday a special occasion?
    Dale: No, eating the cake.
    Monty: Crikey! It's my birthday! They sneak up on you, don't they? Seems like only a year since the last one.
    Professor Nimnul: Crowds always make me nervous... unless they're groveling at my feet.
    Professor Nimnul: SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY, OR I SHALL CRUSH YOU LIKE...! Oh, sorry. Old habits are hard to break.
    Professor Nimnul: If you think that milk was rotten, wait until I go bad.
    Professor Nimnul: The police! Don't they have anything better to do than arrest criminals?
    [After being zapped by Professor Nimnul's device, the FOGIE Device]
    Officer Kirby: Halt. Halt.
    Officer Muldoon: ... Please.
    [After Gadget deduces that Monty was shot by an aging ray]
    Dale: So it wasn't just because it was his birthday. That's a relief.
    Chip: Why?
    Dale: Because next week is my birthday.
    Monty: Crikey! I haven't been this dizzy since I last went waltzing with Matilda.

### A Lean On The Property [2.44]

    [Looking through Monty's baby photos]
    Camembert Kate: Here's Cheeser when he was just a titmouse.
    Gadget: Aw, he sure was cute.
    Dale: Yeah! What happened?
    Fat Cat: What do moles do best, Mole?
    Mole: Chase frogs?
    Camembert Kate: [About Monty] He was too big for his britches before he was wearing them.
    Fat Cat: [Capturing Monty's mom] Well, looked who dropped in. If it isn't Maxi Mouse.
    Monty: Holey moley!
    Dale: You mean moley holies.

### The Pied Piper Power Play [2.45]

    Professor Nimnul: I'll become the Picasso of potatoes! The Svengali of spuds! Or... dare I say it? Mr. Potato Head!
    Professor Nimnul: [reading] "Due to your not paying the electric bill, we've cut off your power. Have a nice day. The Power Company." The small-minded simpletons are standing in the path of weird science!
    Chip: A clue! [Passing him a toothpick] Here, Dale. This is a good opportunity to see if you've got the right stuff.
    Dale: Hmm... It's made of petrified rosewood and it's engraved M.J.. I get it! Then it belongs to Moonwalk Jackson. I knew this case would be a thriller!
    Chip: Wrong, Dale. Try again.
    Dale: Hmm... I got it! M.J. stands for Fat Cat!
    Chip: [slaps head] Why would Fat Cat engrave M.J. in the stick when his initials are F.C.?
    Dale: Simple! To throw us off.
    Dale: The great Dale-dini sees all and knows nothing.
    Chip: You got that right, acorn brain!
    Dale: [Tired of being the clue repository] Monty's toothpick, Gadget's earplugs. What next?
    Chip: I found her footprints.
    Dale: Well, I'm not carrying them! I'm out of pockets!
    Dale: I am the great Dale-Dini. Everything Dale-Dini says, you will hear and obey.
    Mice: [Hypnotized] We hear and we obey.
    Dale: Now everybody, follow me!
    Mice: You didn't say "Dale-Dini says".
    Gadget: Nimnul must have a systems governor on the energy accumulator.
    Monty: Uh... What's that mean, Gadget luv, in plain English?
    Gadget: Simply put, if too much voltage is stored up too fast, there could be a chance of meltdown.
    Dale: Meltdown! Hooray! Let's hear it for meltdown!
    Gadget: Er... Dale, meltdown means we could be blown to smithereens.
    Dale: Meltdown! Boo! We hate meltdown!
    Professor Nimnul: Time to rejoin the rat race, ya rotten rodents!
    Gadget: Rangers, I have an announcement. There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is we've reached the first stage of meltdown so we can stop running.
    Monty: And what's the bad news, Gadget luv?
    Gadget: We won't have time to get out with our lives.

### Gorilla My Dreams [2.46]

    Dale: [Reading a comic book] "Ha, ha, Kablammo Man, I have turned your faithful Muffin Men into cosmic croutons with my microwave ray!" [Wails] Not cosmic croutons!
    Gadget: Last stop: Cat Alley.
    Monty: Did you have to say "last", Gadget?
    Fat Cat: Quickly! Evacuation Procedure M.F.!
    Mepps: What does "M.F". mean?
    Fat Cat: Me first!
    Monty: Why, Chipper, you deserve a PhD in C-A-T.
    Fat Cat: Very good, Mole. It's so nice to see you using your head for something other than your hair.
    Fat Cat: Karats are good for the eyes. Especially 40 karats!
    Fat Cat: You idiots! Oh... why must all my brilliant plans be ruined by those rinketing Rangers? Why? TELL ME! TELL ME WHY! WHY?! WHY?!
    Dale: Because good always triumphs over evil!
    Fat Cat: Oh, yeah?
    Chip: I'm going after Dale! He may drive me crazy but he's my kinda nut.
    Guest: What a gem Mr. Klutchkoin is! By the way, where is he?
    Mrs. Klutchkoin: Still writing zeroes on the check. Been at it three weeks, poor dear.
    Gadget: I have an idea. It's risky but it just might work. Guys, I need some double-weight, hot-pressed, fluid graphic-
    Monty: Yeah, right! I never leave home with out it.

### The S.S. Drainpipe [2.47]

    Red Badger: Don't try this at home, badger buddies. Only cartoon superheroes can leap from airplanes and live to show and tell about it.
    Red Badger: [Appearing in the mirror] Ease up, badger boy.
    Dale: The Red Badger!
    Red Badger: Actually, I'm a figment of your subconscious imagination created by low self-esteem. That or something you ate... Chin up, badger buddy. Remember my 3 Cs: Courage, confidence and Corn Flakes.
    Dale: Corn Flakes?
    Red Badger: My sponsor.
    Gadget: It's a battery-operated turbo-charged Dustbuster with reversed polarity, rack and pinion steering and hyperfoil fenders.
    Dale: What does that mean?
    Monty: It means it's fun to ride, so get on.
    Dale: How do I look?
    Gadget: Kinda dashing.
    Monty: Kinda red.
    Chip: Kinda stupid.
    Sugar Ray Lizard: Great apprehension, boss.
    Arnold Mousenegger: Yeah! And you caught him good too.
    Dale: Hey, guys! I can lead you! I'll just follow in the footsteps of a real hero!
    Gadget: Chip?
    Dale: No! The Red Badger!
    Monty: I'd rather follow a hero sandwich.
    Sugar Ray Lizard: Hurry it up, Alvin.
    Chip: The name is Chip.
    Sugar Ray Lizard: Whatever, you chipmunks﻿ all sound alike.
    Sugar Ray Lizard: [To Gadget] So you're the wench behind this wench.
    Rat Capone: Why don't you toss these losers overboard for a real winner? You could be my first mate.
    Gadget: How'd you like a swift kick in the poop deck?
    Rat Capone: [Sung to "My Favorite Things"] Sapphires on white gold and diamonds in settings,
    These are a few of my favorite rings.
    Rat Capone: Shut Up

## Season 3
### Zipper Come Home [3.1]

    Gadget: So that's my plan for getting past Zipper and into the kitchen, guys. Whaddya think?
    Dale: Stupendous! Brilliant! Incredible!
    Chip: Don't you think blowing up the whole door is a bit much?
    Monty: [Avoiding one tidal wave] It's lucky I've got perfect balance. [Seeing another headed his way] It's also lucky I can SWIM!
    Monty: Whew! I haven't had a spin like that since I took a wrong way into a washing machine.
    Gadget: Smoke signals! And they're from Monty!
    Chip: How can you tell, Gadget?
    Gadget: They have an Australian accent.
    Gadget: Ya know, guys, given the circumference of this cage and the ratio of rising water, we could be in trouble!
    Monty: There's nothing like a boy and his fly.

### Puffed Rangers [3.2]

    Dale: Where's the free toy car? I've been robbed!
    Gadget: You know what they say: "There's no such thing as a free lunch".
    Dale: This is breakfast!
    Dale: I'm going back to that supermarket and get what's coming to me.
    Chip: Uh oh, you know what happens when Dale gets what's coming to him.
    Monty: Yeah it usually comes right back at us.
    Gadget: Either way, thousands of little boys and girls are being disappointed. Not to mention hot headed chipmunks.
    Tommy Chow: Hu Yu!
    Hu Yu: Who, me, boss?!
    Dale: This is the ooonly way to travel.
    Gadget: You wouldn't want to miss an adventure.
    Monty: I'd rather miss this adventure than miss my next birthday.
    Uncle Chow Li: With the ray in reverse, I can make little car into big car. Now it guzzles gas, pollutes air, is impossible to park, and costs a fortune. It's everything Americans look for in automobiles.
    Gadget: Are you sure you're all right, Monty? You look pale.
    Monty: [Stammering] Must be a touch of Hong Kong flu. [Sees a cat sign and skedaddles in fright]
    Gadget: Actually, it's more like the galloping influenza.
    Monty: The only time I've ever really been scared was years ago on Cat Street. And now I'm afraid to go back.
    Bartender: My father says: "If you fall off the bike, you must get right back on".
    Monty: Bicycles aren't my blooming problem! I'm scared!
    Bartender: My uncle says: "The only thing to fear is fear itself".
    Monty: Yeah, but he never had to face that street full of alley cats.
    Bartender: And the bartender says: "You're a lily-livered COWARD!"

### A Fly In The Ointment [3.3]

    Professor Nimnul: My Phone-a-matic Modemizer worked like a charm. All I have to do is dial my escape. Now I can reach out and rob someone anytime I want!
    Dale: [Accidentally sitting on Zipper] What's up, Monterey?
    Monty: You, in a second.
    Teacher: Now then, Franz, I've read your short story; frankly, I find it bizarre. Do you expect the reader to believe that one night, a fellow went to bed, and the next morning, he woke up as an insect? I mean, really. Have you been reading too much Spider-Man? Do you know anyone who looks like a daddy longlegs? It's unbelievable. It's... [sees Zipper in Nimnul's body] It's brilliant! A+!
    Gadget: Why would a fly stay out all night?
    Dale: You suppose there was another garbage strike?
    [Zipper returns.]
    Dale: All I can say is, he'd better have a pretty darn good excuse for staying out all night!
    [He goes outside... and staggers back in a second later, looking shaken.]
    Dale: Yep, real good... c-convinced me... oh, yeah.
    Monty: [Seeing Nimnul in Zipper's body] It looks like a fly but it sounds like a snake.
    Man: Waiter! Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup?
    Professor Nimnul: [In Zipper's body] The 100-meter breast stroke! What does it look like, idiot?!
    Waiter: I assure you, Monsieur, this has never happened before.
    [Chip vaults over the soup bowl, scooping Nimnul out of the man's spoon.]
    Waiter: And neither has that!
    Professor Nimnul: I have to admit you're awfully clever for vermin.
    Dale: Thanks... I think.
    [After the Phone-a-matic Modemizer jumbles them up]
    Chip: We've just turned into the Rescue Mutants!
    Monty: [In Chip's body] Look at me! I'm nothing but fur and bones.
    Chip: [In Monty's body] Why do I have this sudden urge for cheese cake?
    Gadget: [In Dale's body] It's kinda breezy in here, isn't it? [Makes a skirt out of a toothpaste cap]
    Dale: [With Gadget's body] Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear! I always wanted to get close to Gadget. But not this close!
    Gadget: Keep the hands off the body!
    Dale: Sorry.
    Doctor: Either you're part fly, or a frustrated art critic.
    Doctor: Which do you find more attractive: this woo-woo girl, or this wasp?
    [Zipper indicates that he likes the wasp better]
    Doctor: I kind of like the wasp myself. But who said a doctor can't be sick?
    [while Nimnul is examining the Modemizer]
    Gadget: Do you think the problem could be a bad connector?
    Nimnul: Will you please back off?! Remember: I'm the genius, you're the mouse!
    [He returns to searching.]
    Nimnul: Hey! I think I've discovered our problem: a burnt connector in the bio-mechanical regurgitator. [chuckles]
    Gadget: [dryly sarcastic] Oh, imagine that.

### A Chorus Crime [3.4]

    Chip: Where's the murder?
    Canina LaFur: Murder?! Have the reviews come out yet?
    Dale: Aren't you Canina LaFur?
    Canina LaFur: Star of stage, screen and the occasional dog food commercial.
    Dale: I've been a fan of yours for years and years...
    Canina LaFur: How sweet.
    Dale: ...and years and years...
    Canina LaFur: How nice.
    Dale: ...and years and years-
    Canina LaFur: All right! How many dog years do I have to listen to this?
    [When a cargo ship sinks with Monty on it]
    Crewman: All safe, Cap'n! Not a man lost!
    Dale: Maybe not a man... but one heck of a mouse.
    Professor Nimnul: I want tremendous piles of wealth! Beyond the bounds of unrestrained greed! I want gold, jewels, Yves Saint Bernard dresses!
    Penguin: My dogs are killing me! There's nothing on earth that's gonna get me to climb that mountain.
    Dale: Hungry bear! Hungry bear!
    [Penguins stampede up the slope]
    Monty: Where's Fred Astaire when you need him?

### They Shoot Dogs, Don't They [3.5]

    [As the Rangers' boat enters Taxidermia.]
    Monty: Animals don't make noise in this country. They're too afraid.
    Dale: Afraid of what?
    Monty: Hunters! They have legal hunting here all year 'round.
    Chip: So do most places.
    Monty: Yeah, but here the prey changes by the hour. 'Round here, Groundhog Day takes on new meaning.
    Wild Bill Hiccup: [shooting at a turtle] Come back here, you runaway soup mix! [hiccups, spoiling his aim]
    Director: [Thinking Canina's dead] Oh no! Canina! She's made the big fade out!
    Monty: [When Canina and Zsa Zsa get into a fight] Ladies, please, break it up! All right. If you won't break it up, at least let me join the fun!
    Canina: Me?! Row a boat! My dear sir, I am a star!
    Canina: I'd like to thank all my fans who have followed me for years and years and years and years and... Wait a minute! What am I saying?

## Character Cast

* Tress MacNeille as Chip, Clarice, Gadget Hackwrench
* Corey Burton as Dale, Mole, Snout, Zipper (vocal effects)
* Peter Cullen as Montery Jack, Officer Kirby, Officer Muldoon, Mepps
* Julie Lemieux as Zipper (speaking)
* Diane Michelle as Daisy Duck

## External links

* Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers quotes at the Internet Movie Database