# Rango (2011 film)

Rango is a 2011 animated Western film about a lonely chameleon living as a family pet who faces a major identity crisis. He accidentally winds up in the gritty, gun-slinging town of Dirt, a lawless outpost located in the Mojave Desert. The less-than-courageous lizard suddenly finds himself made Sheriff after he accidentally kills a hawk and proclaims himself as a hero by the name of Rango.

## Rango

* [warming up] Mmmmmmaaaaahhhh... mmmmaaaahhh, mah! Crunchy, creamy, cookie, candy, cupcake. [shakes] OK, everybody, let's take it from the top.
* [while acting, he approaches a half plastic doll] I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know, the womens find me uncomfortably good looking, but you seem remarkably at ease. [moves the doll's hand on to his legs, to which he pushes away again] Oh, stop it. [moves the hand back again then move it away] No, really. Well, if you must. [moves it back on his legs again and laugh] What are you doing? [laughs again, moving the dolls hand on and off himself a few times] That tickles. Are those real? [the doll's hand slaps him across the face]
* [famous repeated line] Who am I? I could be anyone.
* [to Roadkill] Uh, are you OK?
* The other side? You mean, just now? That was you crossing the road? That's why the... [mimics the car accident] Why'd you do that?!
* You see that sign up there? As long as that sign says "Sheriff", you can believe that there's law and order in this town. But without law and order, ruminate on that. Oh yeah. Starts out slow like a fungus. Somebody says a cross word, accusations start flying, neighbor turns on neighbor. Pretty soon, we're eating our children, and then dogs and cats will get together to create all sorts of unnatural mutant aberrations! [turns to Spoons] So you want somethin' to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me. [turns to the Dirtonians] Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there, we got hope. [Rattlesnake Jake shoots the sign offscreen, the sign still hangs]
* Who am I? I'm nobody.
* Your Pappy and them boys are about to hang for something they didn't do. But I've got a plan.

## Mayor Tortoise John

* Water, Mr. Rango, water. Without it, there's nothing but dust and decay. But with water, there's life. Look at them. So desperate to live, they'll follow it anywhere. That's the immutable law of the desert. You control the water, and you control everything.
* People have to believe in something. And right now, they believe in you. Pick it up, Mr. Rango. Your destiny awaits.
* My fellow Dirtonians, I welcome you to our great day of deliverance. Hallelujah. [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] Acolytes, prepare the holy spigot! [acolytes walk up the stairs bringing a large wheel] We have a newcomer amongst us today, my friends. A man I think needs a little introduction to you, so bold has been his entry into our fair society. Mr. Rango, would you step forward? [Rango walks forth] The time has come, my friends. The time that was foretold. [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] The sacred time. [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] The time of destiny! [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] The time of deliverance! [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] It is the time of HYDRATION!!!
* [Rango: What are you building out here?] The future, Mr. Rango. The future. One day soon all of this is going to fade into myth. The frontier town, the lawman, the gunslinger. There's just no place for them anymore. We're civilized now.
* Our new Sheriff has been playing the hero for so long, he’s actually starting to believe it. Call in Rattlesnake Jake. [Bad Bill: Uh… Jake’s the Grim Reaper. He never leaves without takin’ a blimin’ soul.] DO IT!
* You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed. One last bullet to kill one last outlaw. [chuckling evilly] How fitting. [clicks the gun but nothing happened... because the bullet's gone] Whuh?
* [last words before his presumed death] No, Jake! NO, NOOO!!!

## Senor Flan

* [first lines of the film; to the audience] We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
* Here in the Mojave desert, animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the lizard, he is going to die.
* And so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.
* And so the stranger basks in the adulation of his new friends. Sinking deeper into the guacamole of his own deception. [Lupe: When is he going to die?] Soon, compadre. Soon.

## Dialogue

    [After Rango gets lost in the desert from the car accident.]
    Roadkill: Oye! That's right! You! [Rango gasps, drops his draft glass and walks slowly] Don't be shy. Come on. It's okay. That's it, a little closer. Good.
    [The camera pans over to the armadillo named Roadkill, who is split in half by car's tire.]
    Roadkill: I won't bite you. [grunts in pain] I need a little help here.
    Rango: Uh, are you okay?
    Roadkill: I must... get to the other side.
    Rango: The other side? You mean, just now, that was you crossing the road? That's why the... [mimics the car accident] Why'd you do that?!
    Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me.
    Rango: What? Who?
    Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one. They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.
    Rango: What are you talking about?
    Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.
    Rango: Nothing? Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going, highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!
    Roadkill: Friends? I don't see no friends.
    Rango: Uh...
    Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard. Now help me up and I will help you find what you seek.
    Rango: Y-You will?
    Roadkill: Quickly, now. I must get back to my quest.
    Rango: You mean you've done this before?
    Roadkill: Yes, many time. Come, come. That's it. Pull my finger.
    Rango: Uh...
    Roadkill: The spirit is waiting for me.
    Rango: Okay, okay. [tries to help Roadkill up, but struggles and then gives up] Okay. That's not gonna work.
    Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
    Rango: Why don't you just wait until there are no cars coming?
    Roadkill: It's not so easy as it looks.
    Rango: What now?
    Roadkill: Is a metaphor.
    Rango: ”4 score and 7 years ago, our fathers...”
    Rock-Eye: Don't move.
    Rango: Huh? What? [looks up at the Desert Cactus then continues to move after a brief pause]
    Rock-Eye: Don't move!
    Rango: [suddenly alert] Not moving!
    Rock-Eye: Shhh!
    Rango: [whispers] Not moving.
    Rock-Eye: Try to blend in.
    Rango: Huh? Blend in? What do you mean? [notices Rock-Eye, who is in camouflage to look like a rock]
    Rock-Eye: [opens his eye] Blend in! [closes his eye]
    Rango: Huh? What are you saying? [a huge hawk soars overhead] Ahh!
    Rock-Eye: Too late.
    Rango: No, no, no, it's not too late! I'm blending. [throws sand on himself] I'm a blender! [runs around in panic, searching for a place to hide]
    Rock-Eye: Hey, calm down! What are you doing?! Tranquillo! [Rango hides behind a cactus, but then runs and yowls in pain when the thorns dig into his skin] STOP MOVING! Try not to look conspicuous. [Rango poses like the cactus behind him, and then ducks next to Rock-Eye and changes color] Hey, psst. What are you doing?
    Rango: I'm blending.
    Rock-Eye: Go blend somewhere else.
    Rango: Don't distract me.
    Rock-Eye: No room in the inn.
    Rango: It's an art, not a science.
    Rock-Eye: Find your own hiding place.
    Rango: No, this is good! [the hawk flies by again, before turning to attack]
    Rock-Eye: OH! Here she comes! You better run, mojito!
    Rango: Wait, what? I thought you said "Don't move"!
    Rock-Eye: That was before. Now, you run. [Rango runs as the hawk starts to chase him, while Rock-Eye laughs] Adios, amigo!
    Rango: So, what's your name?
    Beans: Beans.
    Rango: That's a funny kinda name.
    Beans: What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.
    Rango: Well, you're lucky he didn't "plum love" asparagus.
    Beans: Wh-What are you sayin'?
    Rango: I, err... I enjoy a hearty good puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would appreciate the moniker.
    Beans: Well, my daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit the proclaim for legumes, and--
    Rango: [eating powder] Mmm, spicy.
    Beans: You eatin' his ashes!
    Rango: Ew! You carry his remains?
    Beans: No, his ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body.
    Rango: Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.
    Beans: What are you implying?
    Rango: Nothing.
    Beans: My daddy was never near that mine shaft. He'd been sober for over a month! And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental responsibilities at a delicate time in my personal development is an affront to my sense... [freezes in trance]
    Rango: Miss Beans? Miss Beans? Hello? [whistles] Hello?
    [Rango looks upon, moves Beans' left arm up and down, and stands next to her with his hand on her left shoulder. Beans suddenly comes out of trance.]
    Beans: And until the people of Andromeda Five return him safe and sound, I will not sell my ranch!
    Rango: What... What are you doing?
    Beans: What are you doing?
    Rango: What am I doing?
    Beans: You're cuddling me.
    Rango: You were frozen.
    Beans: No, I wouldn't.
    Rango: Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
    Beans: It's a defense mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it.
    Rango: You're making that up.
    [upon arriving in the town of Dirt, Rango has a stone thrown at him by a group of children ]
    Rango: Hey! What was that for?
    Priscilla: You're funny-lookin'.
    Rango: [taken back] Oh, yeah? You're funny-lookin', too.
    Priscilla: That's a funny-lookin' shirt.
    Rango: [getting annoyed] That's a funny-lookin' dress.
    Priscilla: You got funny-lookin' eyes.
    Rango: You got a funny-lookin' FACE!
    Priscilla: [beat] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
    Spoons:: Hey there, fruit-cup. You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly are you?
    [Rango notices his reflection distorted in the bar's dirty mirror, and the words "Hecho en Durango" stamped on a bottle of cactus juice he is holding.]
    Rango: [internal monologue] Who am I? I could be anyone.'’ [his thumb covers the words, only showing "Rango".]
    Spoons: What's the matter, you missing your mama's mangoes?
    Rango: [emboldened] As a matter of fact, I am. [slams bottle down, and whirls on Spoons] But not as much as your DADDY'S COOKING!
    [Bar patrons gasp.]
    Spoons: [thrown-off by Rango's statement] Exactly where did you say you were from?
    Rango: Me...? I-I'm from the West! Out there, beyond the horizon, past the sunset. The Far West. [begins strutting around the bar.] Yeah, that's right, hombres. The place I come from, we kill a man before breakfast just to work up an appetite. [snags a patron's toothpick with his tongue.] Then we salt 'im, then we pepper 'im, then we braise 'im in clarified butter... [takes a gopher's stetson] And then... we eat him.
    Gopher: Ya eat 'im?
    Rango: THAT'S WHAT I SAID! I've seen things'll make a grown man lose control of his glandular functions! You spend 3 days in a horse carcass living off your own juices - it'll change a man. Oh yeah. [acccidentally sends a shuffled deck of cards flying] Got a few extra aces in this deck, gents - just the way I like it. So no, my hairsome little rodent friend, I am not from around these parts. You might say I'm from everywhere there's trouble brewin' and Hell waitin' to be raised. You could say I'm what Hell's already raised up. Name's... RANGO.
    Elbows: Hey, are you that guy who killed them Jenkins brothers?
    Rango: Uh-huh, killed them with 1 bullet. Don't get no deader.
    Elgin: All 7 of them...?
    Rango: [nervously] That's right, all 7 of them.
    Waffles: Exactly, how did you that, Mr. Rango?
    Rango: You know, I'm glad you asked me that. And I'll be happy to tell you how, but your all gonna have to listen up! Because this is where it gets... complicated.
    Beans: Excuse me, Sheriff Rango. I wanna talk to you...
    Rango: Hey, Beans! What do you think of the new duds? I got a ten gallon hat marked down for fifteen!
    Beans: Erm, that's nice...
    Rango: Have you met Angelique?
    Angelique: Hello, Beans.
    Beans: Hello, Angelique.
    Angelique: Tart.
    Beans: Floozie.
    Angelique: Trollop.
    Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango.
    Rango: [aims his gun at kid's face] I WILL BLOW THAT UGLY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!
    Kid: I was just thinking that... [shows his notepad]
    Rango: Oh. [chuckles nervously] You want the old John Hancock, do ya? Here, hold this. [hands his gun to the kid]
    Beans: Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.
    Kid: [looks into the barrel of Rango's gun] There's a bullet in there!
    Mother: Put that down!
    Rango: [as he signs the kid's notepad] Oh, I know. I know all about the old shindig this afternoon. I ordered myself some right fancy duds.
    Beans: Sheriff, I'd like to file...
    Mother: Mr. Rango!
    Rango: Oh, you too? No problem. [takes the mother's bible and signs it] Here let me just...
    Beans: I need ya to investigate...
    Rango: Y'know, Beans, I betcha clean real nice if ya put a little effort into it.
    Beans: What?
    Rango: [to the kid] Now, remember, son, stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare. [takes his gun]
    Beans: Sheriff!
    Kid: Who's Shakespeare?
    Beans: SHERIFF RANGO!!! If that is your real name. I am trying to save my daddy's ranch, which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown, while you're playing pattycake with this here trollop! [freezes in trance]
    Angelique: [places a bowl of fruit on Beans' head] Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.
    Rango: Why does she do that?
    Fergus: It's a survival reflex.
    Doc: Her switch is just broken.
    Rango: Well, that's an inconvenience.
    Beans: [suddenly comes out of her trance] It is not a rash! It is a birthmark! [sees the bowl of fruit on her head] I did it again, didn't I?
    Rango: Did what?
    Beans: Let me ask you somethin', did anybody here mentioned what happened to our last sheriff?
    [Rango hears a hammer pounding and sees a spider building a coffin; the spider smiles at Rango, causing him to gulp in fear]
    Waffles: Marshmallows remind of going campin' with my daddy. I could eat 'em all night long! [Waffles' marshmallow gets caught on fire] Of course, he didn't make me cough 'em back up again for breakfast.
    Buford: [eats Waffles' marshmallow and belches] This one time, I coughed up an entire Dalmatian.
    Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up a whole tribe of pygmies. They started looking at me weird.
    Fergus: I remember them, they was quite friendly.
    Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once. [everyone looks at Spoons in disbelief]
    Sergeant Turley: You... might wanna get that looked at.
    Doc: [chuckles nervously] Uh, pass the beans, Beans.
    Beans: Sheriff?
    Rango: Uh, no, thank you.
    Spoons: So, Mr. Rango. Could you tell us about the Spirit of the West?
    Doc: Oh, yeah. Tell us about that.
    Waffles: Is it true what they say?
    Rango: Oh, yeah. The Spirit of the West! The eternally unattainable ideal! [draws pictures in the sky with a lit stick] They say he rides in an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him! But he only appears to those who have undertaken an epic quest, and have made it... to the other side. [everyone looks at Rango in astonishment]
    Sergeant Turley: Uh, the other side of what?
    Rango: It's a metaphor. [leans on the stick which then flings onto Waffles]
    Waffles: Ow! My eye!
    Rango: Uh, that's gonna heal right up.
    Ambrose: Sheriff, what are you going to do about... [whispers] Rattlesnake Jake?
    Rango: [rattling can be heard] What, where?!
    Spoons: [rattles his spoons] Sorry 'bout that. Word is you come against him once or twice.
    Rango: Oh, yeah. Jake. You mean my brother.
    Sergeant Turley: Your brother?
    Rango: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
    Buford: But he's a snake and you're a lizard.
    Rango: Well, Mama had an active social life.
    Fergus: Did he ever bite you?
    Rango: Sure enough did! [shows everyone his belly button] Look at that baby! Go ahead, you can touch it!
    Doc: Well, that's interestin'. [pokes his finger into Rango's belly button] That there's a belly button.
    Rango: Luckily, I'm immune to his venom. I put some in my coffee just to give it a little tang.
    Waffles: Is it true he's only scared of them hawks?
    Rango: Them's what we call his natural predator.
    [a lonely coyote can be heard howling]
    Sergeant Turley: All this talk of that serpentine devil's puttin' my quills on edge!
    Buford: I ain't sleepin' tonight. No, sir!
    Rango: Don't you all worry 'bout a thing. Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water and return to a hero's welcome.
    Spoons: Friends, before we bunk down, I'd like us all to join hands for a moment, say a few words to the Spirit of the West. [everyone hold each other's hands] Ain't always spoken rightly to ya, Spirit of the West, but tonight I wanna thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives. It's a hard life we got. Sometimes, I dunno how we're gonna make it. But somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we will. We needed a brave man and you sent us one. It's nice to have someone to believe in again. Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen. [everyone else says "Amen"]
    Waffles: It's impossible.
    Beans: It can't be. It's empty.
    Gopher: There's no water!
    Balthazar: No water?! Then what the hell we been fightin' for?
    Rango: Sir, you have defiled and desecrated the very sustenance of our livelihood!
    Jedidiah: Hey, I think that there fella in the pretty dress is the sheriff.
    Balthazar: That's the same fella who gave us a prospecting permit?
    Beans: A what?
    Rango: [clears throat] Irrelevant! Obfuscation! You and your kin are under arrest for bank robbery, and the murder of our beloved financial adviser, Johannes Merrimack III, a.k.a. Fluffy Joe.
    Ezekiel: Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody. We done tunneled into that vault and there weren't nothing in it.
    Jedidiah: Someone done rob that bank before we robbed it.
    Beans: Then where'd you get this here jug?
    Ezekiel: [to Balthazar] That's what I've been trying to tell you, Pappy. I found it in the desert.
    Balthazar: THEN WHY IN TARNATION DID YOU BRING IT HERE?! [whacks Ezekiel with his staff]
    Rango: Hold on, hold on! You're saying this here jug was empty when you found it?
    Ezekiel: Uh, huh! That's right!
    Elgin: Eh, I don't believe a word of him.
    Buford: Let's hang him, sheriff!
    Sergeant Turley: String 'em up!
    Ambrose: Who would dump water in the desert?
    Beans: Wouldn't be the first time.
    Waffles: It's a puzzle! It's like a big old mammogram!
    Fergus: What's goin' on, sheriff?
    Rango: I don't know, but I'm gonna strip this mystery and expose it's private parts. [to Balthazar] You and your kin are coming with me.
    Rango: [clears throat] This is a heck of a hoedown you got going. Still workin' out those steps. So is this considered normal civic behavior.
    Priscilla: Mm-hmm. Every Wednesday. Just like clockwork.
    Wounded Bird: You kill bird.
    Rango: Yeah. Matter of fact, I did.
    Wounded Bird: Bird dead; snake come.
    Rango: Snake?
    Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He never comes to town because he's scared of that hawk. But he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
    Rango: No! I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
    Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
    Rango: Amos?
    [camera zooms to the graveyard, where one the tombstones reads "Sheriff Amos"]
    Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?
    Rango: [notices Wounded Bird shedding his feathers, then walks over to him] I see you're consulting with the spirits.
    Wounded Bird: No, I'm molting. Means I'm ready to mate.
    Rango: [nervously] Heh. I'll keep that in mind.
    Wounded Bird: [picks up a cactus fruit with his staff] Cactus fruit.
    Rango: Ah, yes, the ancient cactus fruit. I heard you people use it as seasoning when preparing your native dishes. [starts to eat the cactus]
    Wounded Bird: Also, natural laxative. [Rango spits the cactus fruit out.] Shh, pick up trail! 3 men, heading west. 1 blind, 1 with... [sniffs the air] ...Enlarged prostate, riding sidesaddle.
    Waffles: What'd he say?
    Fergus: They're ridin' sidesaddle!
    Buford: What?
    Beans: Shh, we're whispering!
    Spoons: What'd he say?
    Sergeant Turley: Someone's got a bad valve!
    Doc: Alright, which one of you fellas needs a checkup?
    Wounded Bird: Awkward.
    Waffles: Uh, what exactly are we gonna do now?
    Rango: Now... we ride. [turns to the 4 owls] That means we're riding now! This moment.
    [Rango notices a hole popping out the road, Ezekiel and Jedidiah pop out]
    Jedidiah: This ain't the bank!
    Ezekiel: I told you, Jedidiah!
    Rango: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!
    Ezekiel: It's the sheriff!
    Rango: Get your hands up where I can see 'em! [Ezekiel and Jedidiah do so] Just as I suspected. [puts his gun away] Prospecting without the authorized equipment. Don't move a muscle. [walks away]
    Jedidiah: Prospecting? [Ezekiel shrugs]
    Rango: [comes back with equipment] Now,got your shovel, pickax, Benedryl, loofah, assorted snacks, some puzzle books, and you're gonna need a permit.
    Balthazar: [shouts out from the hole] EZEKIEL! JEDIDIAH! WHAT THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON UP THERE?! [comes out of the hole while whacking Ezekiel and Jedidiah on the head] I'VE HAD POLYPS REMOVED SMARTER THAN THE TWO OF YOU!!! [sniffs the air] Hell's fire! This ain't the bank!
    Ezekiel: Hey, Pappy. The sheriff's standing right here, helping us out.
    Jedidiah: Gonna give us a permit for "prospecting".
    Rango: Yep, just doing my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.
    Balthazar: Does he look like what he sounds?
    Jedidiah: Uh, huh.
    Balthazar: Well, sheriff, if we was to hit the mother load, being prospectors and such, where exactly do we deposit said annuity?
    Rango: Well, here in the town of Dirt, we happen to have the finest financial institution in this side of Missouri. [points to the Bank of Dirt] Protected morning, noon and night by yours truly. [gives Balthazar the permit]
    Balthazar: Much obliged.
    Bad Bill: [he and his gang fire their guns at a citizen] DANCE FOR ME, SOD BUSTER!!
    Kinski: DANCE LIKE A CHICKEN!!
    Chorizo: THAT'S RIGHT, DANCE!!
    Bad Bill: YOU GOT CORN IN YOUR EARS, MATE?!? YOU DON'T PAY THE MORTGAGE, YOU DON'T OWN THE LAND!!!
    Kinski: That's basic real estate law, my friend!
    Chorizo: Quid pro quo!
    Bad Bill: [points a dagger at Sod Buster] If I see your face in this town again, I'm gonna slice it off and use it to wipe my unmentionables.
    Stump: Mind the beak.
    Bad Bill: [kicks Sod Buster out of the saloon] AND DON'T COME BACK!! [turns to see everyone looking] What are you all gawping at?
    [Everyone backs up nervously, Bad Bill sniffs walks to the bar.]
    Waffles: Hey, Bad Bill, there's something I want to tell--!
    [Bad Bill muffles Waffles' mouth and stops at the bar, where he sees Rango next to him.]
    Bad Bill: Oy. What is this?
    Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there's Rango.
    Mayor: My friends, we all know what we have to do now.
    Rango: That's right we all know what we have to do now… and that would be…?
    Mayor: [very quietly] Form a posse.
    Rango: Form a possum! [the people stare at him in disbelief]
    Mayor: [still very quietly] A posse.
    Buford: Someone or something is messing with our hydration, and that pipe has something to do with it!
    Elgin: I thought we was following bank robbers!
    Sergeant Turley: We're experiencing a paradigm shift!
    Elgin: I'm gonna shift the features on your face if you don't SHUT UP!!
    Turley: Well, go ahead and try!!
    [the gang get into a fight]
    Rango: Quiet, you savages! Stop your rattling, your affecting my cogitation! [the fight stops, he gets an idea] Whoa! I got it. Snuff out them torches. [they all put out their torches]
    [a bright light can be seen from the ceiling]
    Elgin: Sure enough.
    Spoons: Smart thinkin' there, feller.
    Waffles: Start climbin'. [the gang begins to climb]
    Fergus: Hey, get your foot outta my face!
    Rango: Not bad, huh, Beans?
    Beans: You keep thinkin' like that, your hat's gonna catch on fire.
    Rango: Well, you know, you get on a roll, you just... [puts his hat on, then notices it's on fire and tries to put it out] AAH! Hot, hot! Burn! Ah, ooh, ow!
    Rango: [gives a torch to Spoons] Now, I'm dependin' on you, Spoons. [Spoons spits on his beard] Ooh, you got a little tobacky in the beard there. [Spoons jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Doc] Always good to have a medical man along, Doc. [Doc jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Buford] Reptiles gotta stick together, right, my brother?
    Buford: I'm an amphibian.
    Rango: Ain't no shame in that. [Buford jumps into the hole, Rango is about to give a torch to Sergeant Turley, but then sees the arrow through his right eye] Oh! Ya sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
    Sergeant Turley: What?
    Rango: Well, you got something in you eye there.
    Sergeant Turley: Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
    Rango: Oh, well, (I meant your other one, but) I'm glad to hear it's not contagious. [gives the torch to Sergeant Turley, whom jumps into the hole, Rango is about to give a torch to Beans, but then stops] Now, just wait a cotton-pickin' minute! A posse ain't no place for a– [Beans swipes the torch away and then jumps into the hole] Never mind. [looks at Priscilla] Whoa, hold on, little sister. Someone's gonna hafta look after the town while I'm gone. [Priscilla takes out 2 guns]
    Priscilla: Can I gut-shoot someone?
    Rango: [nervously] Uh, let's put a pin in that.
    Priscilla: Sheriff, you're gonna bring that water back, aren't you?
    Rango: Count on it, little sister.
    Jedidiah: He got it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
    Balthazar: Hallelujah!
    Jedidiah: Ya found the water!
    Balthazar: You did it, son!
    Ezekiel: Well, actually...
    Balthazar: [hits Jedidiah with his staff] WHY CAN'T YOU BE ALL BRAINY LIKE YOUR BROTHER?!
    Ezekiel: Pappy, about that water, there's something I gotta tell you.
    Balthazar: Hush! Hush up, now. Somebody's comin'.
    Rango: [disguising his voice as a woman wearing Beans' dress, while all the other prepare do to a skit] YOO-HOO! HA HA! Good sirs! Gracious good afternoon to thee and thee and thee! May I present, Madame Lupone's Terpsichorean Group of Traveling Thespians!
    Balthazar: What's that?
    Ezekiel: [while reading a book] I think they's thespians!
    Balthazar: Thespians? That's illegal in seven states!
    Rango: [still using his disguise voice] The stage is set! The princess prepares to take her own life!
    Beans: [wearing the Wounded Bird's blanket and seen with a bored expression on her face] I yearn for love.
    Rango: Meanwhile, the lone sentry stands watch at the castle gate! (extended version only: [Elgin does nothing] Stands watch at the castle gate.)
    Elgin: Hark, who goes there?
    Balthazar: This plot's highly predictable.
    Ezekiel: Quiet! This is my favorite part!
    Rango: Arriving to great fanfare, 'twas her aging father… [the band of Elf Owls, also disguised in Medieval costumes, fanfare and Sergeant Turley enters kneeling with a wooden sword. Awkward silence. Then Rango remembers about the arrow in Turley's eye.] ...Strucketh by Cupid.
    Sergeant Turley: [as he says his lines, Rango mouths them, unnoticed by Balthazar and his sons, to make sure Turley gets them right.] Uh, prithee, unhand my fair daughter and reach for the... Uh, uh... Line?
    Ezekiel: "REACH FOR THE SKY!" [everyone suddenly pulls out loaded guns on the small family]
    Balthazar: W-w-w-w-what was that?
    Jedidiah: Oh, must be very immersive theater.
    Rango: We got ya surrounded! You and your entire family get your hands up where I can see 'em!
    Balthazar: [chuckles] My entire family?
    [at that moment, millions of gophers crawl out of the ground, chanting]
    Gophers: ♪ Grit and spit and collared greens ♪ ♪ Waffle chitons, monkey brains ♪ ♪ Refried bones and booger blood ♪ ♪ Pickled eggs and flaps of mud ♪
    Rango: [silently] It's a full house.
    Balthazar: Looks like we're gonna have a good, old-fashioned standoff.
    Rango: I'll have you know, you're not lookin' at our entire contingent.
    Spoons: Caw-caw, caw-caw, caw, caw, caw-caw, caw!
    Gopher: What's that? What's that supposed to be?!
    Elgin: That's the signal.
    Waffles: Yeah, that's the signal! Something must've gone wrong!
    [Spoons starts doing flag signals and then runs to a campfire and makes smoke signals]
    Balthazar: So, uh... somethin' supposed to happen?
    Rango: I am... open to suggestions. [Spoons fakes a heart attack and fires a gun, frightening the boar that was carrying the stolen water and causing it to run off] RUUUUUUUUUUN!!!
    [the boar runs rampant across the scene]
    Beans: GET ON THE WAGON!
    [the Dirtonians climb aboard]
    Balthazar: Should we have ourselves some sport, chillens?
    Jedidiah: Ooh, I-I likes it when they run.
    Balthazar: Maybelle, give the holler!
    Maybelle: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw-biddy-haw!
    Gophers: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-hoo! [they burrow underground]
    [Rango is playing golf with the mayor]
    Rango: Sumthin' you said keeps rattlin' around in my frontal lobe.
    Mayor: And what is that?
    Rango: "Control the water, and you control everything."
    Mayor: [chuckles] Come now, Mr. Rango. You tribute divine power to me. How on earth could I possibly control the water?
    Rango: You've obviously mastered this game.
    Mayor: Well, I've been playing it for many years, sir. I was here before the highway split this great valley. I watched the march of progress, and I learned a thing or two. Perhaps it's time you started to take the long view, begin to appreciate the broad sweep of history. Look out there, son. You can almost see time passing.
    [Rango looks through a telescope and sees gophers doing construction]
    Rango: What are you building out here?
    Mayor: The future, Mr. Rango. The future. One day soon, all this will fade into myth. The frontier town, the lawman, the gunslinger. There's no place for them anymore. We're civilized now.
    Bad Bill: That's right, civilized.
    Mayor: That's what the future holds. You can either be part of it, or you can be left behind.
    Rango: Is that what happened to Mr. Merrimack? Did he get left behind?
    Mayor: Careful, Mr. Rango. You seem to forget you're just one little lizard.
    Rango: You seem to forget I'm the law around these parts. [walks away]
    Mayor: Our new Sheriff has been playing the hero for so long, he’s actually starting to believe it. Call in Rattlesnake Jake.
    Bad Bill: Uh… Jake’s the Grim Reaper. He never leaves without takin’ a blimin’ soul.
    Mayor: DO IT!
    Rattlesnake Jake: [to Rango] Hello, "brother". Thirsty? [fills glass with venom and throws it to the ground] Long time, "brother". How you been keepin'?
    Rango: Oh, well, you know– [Jake quiets him with a loud hiss]
    Jake: I hear you been tellin' about how you killed all them Jenkins brothers. With one bullet, weren't it? [chuckles] Ain't that right? All these good folks here believe your little stories, don't they? Why, they believe you're just a stone killer, don't they? Seems these folks trust you. They think you're gonna save their little town. They think you're gonna save their little souls! But we know better, don't we? [turns to Beans and licks her cheek before turning back to Rango] So why don't you show your friends what you're made of? Show 'em who you really are? [pulls out gun] Why don't you just pull your gun and shoot me? [empties out most of the bullets] But of course, you won't need all of these. Just one, right? [gives Rango the gun and points it in his face] Go head, hero. Pull the trigger. [Rango doesn't shoot] You got killer in your eyes, son? ... I don't see it. [Rango lowers his gun] You didn't do any of them things you said, did you? You didn't kill them Jenkins Brothers. You ain't even from the West, are you?! [Rango doesn't speak] Say it!
    Rango: [whispers] No.
    Jake: Oh, speak up! I don't think your friends here heard you.
    Rango: No.
    Jake: All you've done is lie to these good people. You ain't nothing but a fake and a coward. Ain't that right?
    Rango: [softly] Yes.
    Jake: LOUDER!
    Rango: [clearly] Yes.
    [the townsfolk, alongside Beans, stare at Rango in disbelief.]
    Jake: [slithers around Rango] Listen close, you pathetic fraud. This is my town now. If I ever see you again, I will take your soul straight down to HELL! [grabs Rango and drops him to his knees]
    [Rango stands up and looks at the angry citizens who feel lied to. He then begins to leave.]
    Beans [to Rango, puzzled.] Who are you?
    [Rango silently walks away. The Mariachi Owls watch Rango walking sadly]
    Rango: [wakes up in the middle of the desert and finds a golf cart with Oscars in the back] Golden guardians. The alabaster carriage. [sees the Spirit of the West] The Spirit of the West. Um, excuse me, Mr. Spirit, sir?
    The Spirit of the West: [picks up a fishing hook] Ah, there's a beaut. Sometimes, you gotta dig deep to find what you're looking for. [to Rango] So, you made it.
    Rango: Is this heaven?
    Spirit of the West: If it were, wouldn't we be eating Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.
    Rango: Yeah, no kiddin'. What are you doing out here?
    Western Spirit: Searching, same as you.
    Rango: Yeah, I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am. Hey, they used to call you "The Man with No Name".
    Mr. Spirit of the West: These days, they got a name for just about everything. It doesn't matter what they call you, it's the deeds that make the man.
    Rango: But my deeds just made things worse. I'm a fraud. I'm a phoney! My friends believed in me, but they need some kind of hero...
    Mr. Spirit: Then be a hero.
    Rango: No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm not even supposed to be here.
    Spirit: That's right. You came a long way to find something that isn't out here. Don't you see? It's not about you. It's about them.
    Rango: But I can't go back...
    Spirit: You don't know that you got a choice, son. [draws a rectangle in a dirty window] No man can walk out on his own story.
    Mayor: I appreciate how difficult this is for you, Beans, but you're making a practical decision.
    Jake: Decisions, decisions.
    Mayor: There's no need for any more suffering. [drinks from his glass of water] Your family's ranch is nothing but a wasteland now. Sign the deed, and relieve yourself of your father's burden.
    Beans: [Looks ready to drink from her glass, but then becomes angry] My daddy was not a burden! [throws the water in the Mayor's face] Keep your blood money and I'll keep my land!
    [the Mayor's face twitches; on cue, Rattlesnake Jake darts forward and traps Beans in his coils]
    Jake: Do what he says, or by all the fires of the black pit, I'll squeeze them pretty brown eyes outta your skull!
    Mayor: Now, hold on Jake, there's no need to–
    Jake: [interrupts the Mayor by bringing his head down to the Mayor's desk] LET ME DO MY JOB! You brought me in, now we're gonna play this thing out to the end! [Turns back to Beans] Sign the damn paper, woman!
    Beans: Go to hell…
    Jake: Where do you think I come from? Look into my eyes. I wanna see you die. [Brings his fangs closer to Beans, until he hears Rango shouting from outside]
    Rango: JAKE! I'M CALLIN' YOU OUT! JAKE!
    Jake: [moving to the window and seeing Rango] This day just got a little more interestin'...
    Jake: [After the water bursts into Dirt] I'm gonna blow so many holes in you, your guts'll be leakin' lead!
    Rango: Then it's a good thing I bought some backup.
    [a hawk flies overhead. Jake sees it and hides, then notices something]
    Jake: What? [sees the "hawk" was really a flock of bats flying in formation] Ain't no hawk! Ain't nothing but bats! [goes out in the open and shoots at them]
    Maybelle: Stick to the plan, boys! Let's bleed the devil dry!
    [the flock spreads out. Jake shoots and laughs madly until he runs out of ammo. He turns to see Rango aiming his gun at him]
    Rango: It only takes one bullet.
    Jake: You ain't got the nerve.
    Rango: [cocks the gun] Try me.
    [Jake looks in his eyes and is stunned, realizing Rango is serious]
    Mayor: Oh, Mr. Rango. Aren't you forgetting something?
    [they take Beans into the Bank of Dirt]
    Mayor: Hand me your gun, Sheriff! [He pauses as he looks at his gun] Now, Mr. Rango!
    [Rango slowly walks to Mayor]
    Mayor: [After Rango and Beans are freed from the bank vault by a single bullet] Now, Sheriff. I'm sure if we work together, we can reach a mutually beneficial solution to our current situation…
    Rango: You better take it up with him. [turns the Mayor round on his shell to face Jake]
    Jake: [seeing the single bullet] One bullet. [Turns to Rango and tips his hat at him] I tip my hat to you. One legend to another. [Rango tips his hat as well. Mayor whimpers helplessly as Jake turns to him.] What was that you said? "Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed?!..." [grabs the screaming Mayor in his coils and carries him out to the desert]
    Priscilla: Rango! [runs up and hugs him] You brought the water back, just like you promised. You really are a hero.
    Rango: Well, the thing about heroes is, whenever you-
    Pricilla: [holds her hand up to stop him] Don't spoil it.
    Rango: Right...
    [Last lines; the 4 owls appear and play their music whilst Senor Flan narrates]
    Senor Flan: And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from, uh… a household accident, which accounts for 65% of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will always remember, the name of the one who saved them.
    [The other owls suddenly turn and speak in unison]
    The 3 Owls: [last line of the film; to the audience] Rango!

### Extended version

    Rango: [at the funeral in the desert for Mr. Merrimack, the bank keeper] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, You have the right to remain silent. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Amen.

#### Alternate ending

    Senor Flan: And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from, uh… a household accident, which accounts for 65% of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will honor his memory, even as they abandon their dignity.

## About Rango (2011 film)

* We tried to create the creatures based on characters first and then creatures second, so you have your wired rabbit Doc is the town drunk, those sorts of archetypes of the genre were first and foremost.
    Yeah, in those old Westerns, Strother Martin would come on and pull the boots off a dead guy in “The Wild Bunch” and I always felt that if the camera decided to follow him, there would be a whole movie behind those guys. In animated movies, sometimes characters show up on screen to say two lines and I don’t feel like that they have a movie behind them. The spaghetti Westerns from (Sergio) Leone and (Sam) Peckinpah, there’s a sense that every character has a history to them. If you opened any one of the doors of any tertiary character, you could feel a little infidelity and some issues with their lives and a sense that they were coming from somewhere and going someplace that was bisected by the film. That was really important.
   * Gore Virbinski, "Interview: ‘Rango’ Director Gore Verbinski", by Peter Sciretta, Slashfilm, March 4th, 2011.

## Cast

* Johnny Depp - Rango / Lars
* Isla Fisher - Beans
* Stephen Root - Doc / Mr. Merrimack / Mr. Snuggles
* Abigail Breslin - Priscilla
* Ned Beatty - Mayor Tortoise John
* Ray Winstone - Bad Bill
* Harry Dean Stanton - Balthazar
* Alfred Molina - Roadkill
* Bill Nighy - Rattlesnake Jake
* Timothy Olyphant - The Spirit of the West
* Ian Abercrombie - Ambrose
* Gil Birmingham - Wounded Bird
* Maile Flanagan - Lucky
* James Ward Byrkit - Waffles / Gordy / Papa Joad / Cousin Murt / Curlie Knife Attacker / Rodent Kid
* Claudia Black - Angelique
* Blake Clark - Buford
* John Cothran, Jr. - Elgin
* Patrika Darbo - Delilah / Maybelle
* George DelHoyo - Señor Flan
* Charles Fleischer - Elbows
* Beth Grant - Bonnie
* Ryan Hurst - Jedidiah
* Vincent Kartheiser - Ezekiel / Lasso Rodent
* Hemky Madera - Chorizo
* Alex Manugian - Spoons
* Mark McCreery - Parsons
* Joe Nunez — Rock-Eye
* Chris Parson - Hazel Moats / Kinski / Stump / Clinker / Lenny / Boseefus / Dirt Kid
* Lew Temple - Furgus and Hitch
* Alanna Ubach - Boo Cletus / Fresca / Miss Daisy
* Gore Verbinski - Sergeant Turley / Cervice / Slim / Lupe
* Kym Whitley - Melonee
* Keith Campbell - Sod Buster

## External links

* Rango quotes at the Internet Movie Database