# Sixteen Candles

Sixteen Candles is a 1984 comedy film about a young girl's "sweet sixteenth" birthday that becomes anything but special as she suffers from every embarrassment possible. The film is often credited with the beginning of the Brat Pack film movement.
    Written and directed by John Hughes.

## Samantha Baker

* I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.
* I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.
* Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life and I'm like a disease.

## The Geek

* Wease, we've got seventy dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens.
* [to his buddies, after knocking over a beer can stack] Very nice! We're here five minutes, and I–! I'm at a loss!

## Long Duk Dong

* What's happenin', hot stuff?
* Oh, sexy girlfriend!
* No more yanky my wanky The Donger need food!

## Others

* Ginny Baker: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.
* Dorothy Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Now you listen to me, mister! God did not put me on this Earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you! And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you! Now goodnight and goodbye!

## Dialogue

    Randy: [Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands] Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist.
    Samantha: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
    Randy: I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken.
    Samantha: I know. He's supposed to be my ideal.
    Randy: He's ideal for sure, but, forget it.
    Samantha: God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.
    Ginny: Darling, is something bothering you? You're really acting like... an asshole. And I think I know what it is. I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention.
    Samantha: You know, everybody in this family has just gone totally Outer Limits.
    Ginny: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish and immature.
    Samantha: Oh, yes, that's it. That's exactly it. [storms out]
    Ginny: [to herself] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.
    The Geek: Come on, what's the problem here? I'm a boy. You're a girl. Is there any thing wrong with me trying to put together some kind of relationship between us? Okay, look, I know you haven't been - just answer me one question.
    Samantha: Yes, you're a total fag.
    The Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question. [pauses] Am I turning you on?
    The Geek: So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
    Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.
    The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
    Samantha: Go to hell.
    The Geek: VERY hostile!
    Grandma Helen: Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
    Grandpa Fred: [chuckles] I better go get my magnifying glass.
    [Samantha winces]
    Grandma Helen: Oh, and they are so perky.
    [Grandma Helen reaches to cup them]
    [Samantha leaves]
    Samantha: I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up.
    Samantha: You know, just now I really felt how much you like me.
    The Geek: You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
    Samantha: Well, not really. I felt it on my leg.
    The Geek: I know I came on kinda like a poser on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
    Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
    The Geek: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipwads.
    Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
    Jim Baker: I was just upstairs, and I couldn't sleep. I feel like a real jerk, honey. We forgot your birthday. I bet you're really P.O.'d, huh?
    Samantha: No, it's okay. I'm not really all that upset anymore.
    Jim Baker: This wedding is really turning this entire house inside out. And I just came down to tell you that we did remember.
    Samantha: Thanks, Dad.
    Jim Baker: Happy birthday. [Sighs] Is something else wrong?
    Samantha: No, why?
    Jim Baker: I don't know, I just get the feeling that something's bothering you. Something other than your birthday.
    Samantha: No, I'm fine. Really.
    Jim Baker: I think I know what it is. It has to do with a certain guy? I know, honey. I know. We're all upset that Ginny's marrying a bohunk. What's the matter?
    Samantha: [Sighs] I meant Jake.
    Jim Baker: Jake? Wait a minute. I thought she said his name was Rudy.
    Samantha: Forget it.
    Jim Baker: Forget what? Who's Jake?
    Samantha: He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing. Okay? Just forget it, please.
    Jim Baker: Come on, Sam. We're not communicating.
    Samantha: It's extremely embarrassing, okay?
    Jim Baker: What's embarrassing?
    Samantha: Sitting in the dark with your dad, telling him about your love life.
    Jim Baker: I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.
    Samantha: Jake is a senior, and he's beautiful and perfect. I like him a real lot, and he doesn't like me. Okay?
    Jim Baker: Oh.
    Samantha: And he's got this incredible girlfriend. I'm just this ridiculous dork that's following him around like a puppy.
    Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
    Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
    Jim Baker: Mike is a dork.
    Samantha: But so am I.
    Jim Baker: Well, if it's any consolation, I love you. And if this guy can't see in you all the beautiful and wonderful things that I see, then he's got the problem.
    Samantha: I know. It just hurts.
    Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else.
    Samantha: But if I were Ginny, I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.
    Jim Baker: Well, let me tell you something about Ginny. Now, I love her as much as I love you. But she's a different person. Sometimes I worry about her. When you're given things kind of easily, you don't always appreciate them. With you, I'm not worried. When it happens to you, Samantha, it'll be forever.
    Jake: [about Samantha's panties] These are really hers?
    The Geek: Yeah.
    Jake: How did you get 'em?
    The Geek: She gave 'em to me.
    Jake: Did you...
    The Geek: No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a fit. She thinks you're the cat's meow!
    Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
    The Geek: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know we do it, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics, I'm telling you.
    Jake: I thought she hated my guts.
    The Geek: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
    Jake: You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
    The Geek: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way: what happens to me if I dick you?
    Jake: Heh, I'd kick your ass.
    The Geek: Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
    Jake: I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
    The Geek: [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?
    Jake: I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that. [Sighs] I'm just not interested anymore.
    The Geek: Does that really matter, guy?
    Jake: Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
    The Geek: That's beautiful, Jake.
    Jake: I'll make a deal with you. [about Samantha's panties] You let me keep these, I'll let you take Caroline home. But you gotta make sure she gets home, you can't leave her in some parking lot. Okay?
    The Geek: Jake, I'm only a freshman.
    Jake: So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
    The Geek: Jake, I don't have a car.
    Jake: You can take mine.
    The Geek: Jake, I don't have a license.
    Jake: I trust you.
    The Geek: This is your car, Jake?
    Jake: No, this is my dad's car. You said you can't drive a stick.
    The Geek: This is a...! This is a Rolls Royce, Jake.
    Jake: So?
    The Geek: So? So? I heard the grill alone costs five grand on this. Five grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand.
    Jake: Then don't hit anything.
    The Geek: [incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything.
    The Geek: Jake is your dad a big man, or...?
    Jake: Oh, about 6'4".
    The Geek: Very nice.
    Howard Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Are you the little beggar that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?
    Jake: Would it be possible for you to tell me if there's a Samantha Baker here? And if there is, may I speak with her briefly?
    Howard Baker: Yes, it is, and no, you may not!
    Randy: [on the phone] I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
    Samantha: You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
    Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
    [Samantha screams]
    Howard Baker: [startled by the scream] Geez! I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish!
    Grandpa Fred: Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.
    The Geek: [as Caroline is slapping him awake] Dammit, Mom, I've got my headgear on!
    Caroline: [annoyed] Will you wake up?
    The Geek: [opens eyes] Where the hell am I?
    Caroline: I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
    The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
    Caroline: You're in the parking lot across the street from my church.
    The Geek: You own a church?
    Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
    Jake: Thanks for coming over.
    Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
    Jake: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
    Samantha: It already came true. [they kiss]

## Taglines

* It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime.
* When you're just sixteen anything can happen!
* Stuck between a nitwit and a heart-throb
* Turning sixteen isn't easy, when you've fallen in love... for the first time

## External links

* Sixteen Candles quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Sixteen Candles at Rotten Tomatoes
* Sixteen Candles at Mojo