# National Lampoon's Van Wilder

National Lampoon's Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy film about a college student in his seventh year without graduating.
    Directed by Walt Becker. Written by Brent Goldberg and David Wagner.

## Van Wilder

* Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.
* Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super.
* Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.
* And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born.
* Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
* Don't be a fool, stay in school.
* Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
* All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.
* You must be Pre-Med Dick.
* Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards.
* Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to.
* I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.
* Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...
* Write that down.
* Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.
* Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!
* Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?
* I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.
* Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.

## Taj Mahal Badalandabad

* Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk I think giant jugs. You see, I can not go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. [Van Wilder spits out his water] To-to-to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby, you know? And get it waxed. You know, I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. You know, air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.
* This is the White Barry.
* You...you...you....you pussy ass mother fucker dick sucker!

## Other Characters

* Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!
* Vance Wilder, Sr: Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
* Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever.
* Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a circumcision...on himself though.
* Prof. McDoogle: Apathy is the glove in which evil slips its hand.

## Dialogue

    Van: Blue. It brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes; not unlike yourself. Anyone ever tell you that?
    Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
    Van: Now, repeat after me. No cock pump...
    Taj: No cock pump.
    Taj: This is the culmination of my being.
    Naomi: Baby, I'm about to culminate, now get over here.
    Vance Wilder, Sr.: Van is still in school?
    Assistant: For the better part of a decade.
    Vance Wilder, Sr.: And, schedule in a massage.
    Assistant: With a Happy Ending?
    Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ah Yes.
    Jeannie: This party so rocks, Richard!
    Richard: This party sucks rectum, Jeannie!
    McDoogle: Ok, Wilder. Let's dance.
    Van: It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
    Jeannie: [during sex] P.S. This an awesome room.
    Richard: P.S. Shut the fuck up!

## Taglines

* The Tradition Continues
* Don't Graduate. Celebrate.
* If you're going for an advanced degree in partying...Why graduate?
* No party gets started until it gets wilder.
* Born to be wilder!
* All the girls want him. All the boys want to be him.
* Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive

## Cast

* Ryan Reynolds — Van Wilder
* Kal Penn — Taj Mahal Badalandabad
* Tara Reid — Gwen E. Pearson
* Tim Matheson — Vance Wilder Sr.

## External links

* National Lampoon's Van Wilder quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* National Lampoon's Van Wilder at Rotten Tomatoes