# Girls Will Be Girls

Girls Will Be Girls is a 2003 comedy film about three women struggling in the entertainment business.
    Written and directed by Richard Day.

## Coco

* [placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one] FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
* When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter.
* [after her third dog dies] Oh, COME ON!

## Evie

* [puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on] Hello, gorgeous!
* So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!
* You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants.
* [in her movie Asteroid] Accordin' to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!
* I AM woman! ERA now!

## Varla

* [glancing down at beeper] Oh, fooey, I'm going to be late for my love game!
* Thank you, sir! My pimp and I appreciate your business!
* Feelings are like treasures, so bury them.

## Others

    Opening Song: Some say women should know their place. We say we're half the human race!
    Magazine Ad: Once a Week Diapers: they grow up too fast already!
    Hospital Voice: Cleanup in ICU.
    Newspaper: Study: Retards Will Believe Anything.
    Bizzy Gals Ad: If you're like me, your days are jammed packed with activity. It seems that no sooner am I done watching my programs than a new magazine arrives! And suddenly, boom, it's naptime! That's why I'm so grateful for new Bizzy Gal's Dinner's Ready. You keep Bizzy Gal right in your cabinets; no more lugging open that heavy freezer door. And the exhausting chore of reheating — a thing of the past! Bizzy Gal meals are treated with Nutri-Dation which renders them chemically unstable in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth! All they'll know is: it tastes great! Bizzy Gal Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item and is not intended for human consumption. Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, bleeding, enlargement of the heart, and second-degree burns along the rectal cavity resulting in irreversible incontinence.

## Dialogue

    Evie: Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache!
    Coco: You could drink less.
    Coco: What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
    Evie: I'm sorry, have I been staring?
    Coco: I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
    Evie: Oh, Coco, it's not too late. [Coco smiles] I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
    Coco: It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag."
    Evie: This new roommate will cheer you right up!
    Coco: I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
    Evie: Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
    Coco: Were you drunk?
    Evie: It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk.
    Varla: Hello! You must be Yoo-Hoo.
    Coco: [correcting her] Coco.
    Coco: Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure.
    Evie: That's your big secret? An abortion?!
    Coco: Have you had one?
    Evie: Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!
    Varla: Did you know her [Varla's mother]?
    Evie: Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
    Coco: Evie!
    Evie: Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
    Varla: Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like?
    Coco: Very sweet.
    Evie: Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
    Coco: Evie!
    Evie: LOVED cock!
    Coco: EVIE!
    Laurent: My apologies for being so bold but ... when I see the best, I have to have it.
    Varla: Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota.
    Laurent: This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go.
    Varla: Maseratis don't do anal!
    Evie: Oh, oops, um ... [points at Varla, trying to remember her name]
    Varla: Varla.
    Evie: Varla! This is my son ... [points at Stevie]
    Stevie: Stevie.
    Evie: Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number!
    Stevie: He had to, ma. It's the law.
    Evie: Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops?
    Stevie: He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse."
    Evie: It was more in his body language!
    Laurent: See that girl at the bar? [points to a woman who is groping a man] She is a whore.
    Varla: How can you tell?
    Laurent: Whores are sexy. Know why?
    Varla: Because it's their job?
    Evie: I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange.
    Jeff: Why, cause you're so old?
    Jeff: You know Mary Tyler Moore!?
    Evie: Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes.
    Coco: Evie, have you ever been on morphine?
    Evie: Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that.
    Stevie: Mom, no one will hire you!
    Evie: Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
    Coco: Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
    Stevie: I think you know.
    Evie: My attitude?
    Stevie: No.
    Evie: My drinking?
    Stevie: No.
    Evie: Chronic lateness?
    Stevie: No.
    Evie: Never learned my lines?
    Stevie: No.
    Evie: The kleptomania?
    Stevie: No.
    Evie: I spread disease?
    Stevie: No!
    Evie: Then what?!
    Stevie: That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
    Evie: It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard!

## Cast

* Jack Plotnick - Evie
* Clinton Leupp - Coco (as Coco Peru)
* Jeffery Roberson - Varla / Marla
* Ron Mathews - Stevie
* Eric Stonestreet - Dr. Benson
* Hamilton von Watts - Laurent
* Dana Gould - Jeff
* Chad Lindsey - Dr. Perfect

## External links

* Girls Will Be Girls quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Girls Will Be Girls at Rotten Tomatoes