# The Secret of My Success (1987 film)

The Secret of My Success is a 1987 American comedy film about a talented young man can't get an executive position without rising through the ranks, so he comes up with a shortcut, which also benefits his love life.
    Directed by Herbert Ross. Written by Jim Cash.

## Brantley Foster

* [on entering his newly rented apartment] All right, listen up. If there are any bugs in here, or rats, or anything that has more legs than I do, you just stay on your side of the room, okay? I'll stay on mine. I should warn you, I'm packing an iron.
* Please God, help me get out of this. I swear I'll go all over the world telling people not to screw the boss's wife.

## Dialogue

    Employer: I'm sorry, Mister...
    Brantley Foster: Foster.
    Employer: I'm sorry, Mr. Foster. We need someone with experience.
    Brantley Foster: But how can I get any experience until I get a job that GIVES me experience?
    Employer: If we gave you a job just to give you experience, you'd take that experience and get a better job. Then that experience would benefit someone else.
    Brantley Foster: Yeah, but I was trained in college to handle a job like this, so in a sense I already have experience.
    Employer: What you've got is college experience, not the practical, hard-nosed business experience we're looking for. If you'd joined our training program out of high-school, you'd be qualified for this job now.
    Brantley Foster: Then why did I go to college?
    Employer: [laughs] Had fun, didn't you?
    Grace Foster: Take this. It's Uncle Howard's phone number in New York.
    Brantley Foster: I've got an uncle in New York?
    Grace Foster: My cousin Ellen married his half-sister's nephew, before she got bit by that dog and died.
    [Brantley said "good morning" to an executive]
    Fred Melrose: Not the suits, man! You never consort with the suits unless they consort with you first.
    Brantley Foster: Wait a minute, that's ridiculous! He's a person, I'm a person. I can't say hello to him?
    Fred Melrose: He's not a person, he's a suit! You're mailroom. No consorting.
    Brantley Foster: [after sex] Can I make a personal observation?
    Vera: Um, anything but the thighs.
    Brantley Foster: You know, somebody sold you a bill of goods and convinced you you had to be 21 forever. I think you're terrific; I think the only thing wrong with you is your husband is a jerk. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're sensuous...
    Vera Prescott: Say that again!
    Brantley Foster: Which part?
    Vera: All of it!
    [sounds of car]
    Vera Prescott: Oh, no.
    Brantley Foster: What, what is it?
    Vera Prescott: It's the jerk.
    [Brantley rushes to the window]
    Vera Prescott: My husband.
    Brantley Foster: My uncle!
    Vera Prescott: Your what?
    Brantley Foster: Oh God, that makes you...
    Vera Prescott: Auntie Vera?
    Brantley Foster: Oh! God!
    [Vera laughs]
    Brantley Foster: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! What's my mother going to say? I've disgraced my whole family!
    Vera: Oh, the hell you did!
    Fred Melrose: Hey, you look like death on a cracker, man. What happened to you?
    Brantley Foster: Well, I was chased by a 200 pound dog with a mouth as big as my head. And that was the best thing that happened last night.
    Fred Melrose: What was the worst thing?
    Brantley Foster: Got laid.
    Fred Melrose: Not sure you got your priorities straight, Brantley.
    Brantley Foster: We have a problem.
    Vera Prescott: What?
    Brantley Foster: It's your husband: he's my boss.
    Vera Prescott: O-oh, him. We won't tell him. Besides, Howard's working late tonight - on whom, I have no idea.
    Brantley Foster: [reading mail while sorting] Some of this stuff doesn't make any sense. They send requisitions through two departments to get procurements for a third. What kind of thinking is that?
    Fred Melrose: That's suit thinking. Something happens to a man when he puts on a necktie. Cuts off all the oxygen to his brain.
    Brantley Foster: Aunt Vera, listen, since the last time we met there's been a change.
    Vera Prescott: Yes... nice suit, Brantley!
    [she starts undressing him; he tries to escape]
    Brantley Foster: Agh! Ow! Look, what I mean to say is... Oh, Christ! I'm not free any more!
    Vera Prescott: What, you're going to charge me? Oh ho, you're getting awfully cynical - does your mother know about this?
    Brantley Foster: Ohh, no, I am not available.
    Vera Prescott: Oh, good, you're not going to charge me.
    Brantley Foster: Look, I like you, I really like you, but I gotta tell you, I have become seriously and emotionally involved with someone who isn't my aunt.
    Vera Prescott: I forgive you, Brantley.
    Vera Prescott: I'm going to introduce you to the most powerful money men in New York, and if you can do to them what you've done to me...
    Brantley Foster: I can't do that!
    Vera Prescott: I mean bowl them over, darling! You're irresistible when you turn on that boyish charm.
    Howard Prescott: Let me get this straight - Brantley is Whitfield?
    Brantley Foster: That's right. Brantley is Whitfield; Whitfield is Brantley.
    Vera Prescott: And Christy is the bimbo! Well, now that we've all had Mouseketeer roll call, I'm just going to go call my lawyer.
    Howard Prescott: No, wait a minute. Christy is not the bimbo I was screwing around with at the office.
    Christy Wills: People better stop calling me bimbo!
    Howard Prescott: It was an entirely different bimbo altogether.
    Vera Prescott: That's fine; how many bimbos would you say there were?
    Howard Prescott: I misspoke myself. There weren't any bimbos at all.
    Brantley Foster: Except Christy.
    Howard Prescott: Right. No!
    Brantley Foster: At least I didn't sleep with the boss.
    Christy Wills: No, you slept with the boss's wife!
    Brantley Foster: She seduced me!
    Christy Wills: He seduced ME! What's the difference?
    Brantley Foster: I couldn't help it. You went willingly.
    Christy Wills: I suppose you were tied up in chains.
    Brantley Foster: No, the question is how many people did you sleep with in order to get to the top?
    [Christy throws a vase at Brantley, smashing it]
    Vera Prescott: That was a very expensive vase, you BITCH!
    Christy Wills: SHUT UP! What I did was my business, not yours!
    Brantley Foster: No, you mean it was company business!
    Christy Wills: [snarkily] That's right! And that's all it was. Business!
    Brantley Foster: I'll tell you something, sweetheart. You're very good at your job.
    [Brantley leaves, Christy starts crying]
    Brantley Foster: [to Fred and Jean] Whoa, whoa, listen, I'm going to need your help, both of you.
    Fred Melrose: Is it something I could get fired for?
    Brantley Foster: Absolutely.
    Fred Melrose: I like it!

## Cast

* Michael J. Fox - Brantley Foster
* Helen Slater - Christy Wills
* Richard Jordan - Howard Prescott
* Margaret Whitton - Vera Pemrose Prescott
* John Pankow - Fred Melrose
* Fred Gwynne - Donald Davenport
* Gerry Bamman - Art Thomas
* Carol Ann Susi - Jean
* Drew Snyder - Burt Foster
* Elizabeth Franz - Grace Foster
* Christopher Murney - Barney Rattigan
* Mercedes Ruehl - Sheila
* Cindy Crawford - Herself (uncredited)

## External links

* The Secret of My Success quotes at the Internet Movie Database