# That '70s Show (season 6)

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That '70s Show (1998–2006) is an American television sitcom centered on the lives of a group of teenagers living in the fictional town of Point Place, Wisconsin during the late 1970s.

### The Kids Are Alright [6.1]

    [Eric lies in Donna's bed]
    Eric: So... cold... Can't... use the Force...
    Kitty: Now, let's get you upstairs for your nap. And Eric, he needs quiet so no shenanigans.
    Eric: Mom, please. I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well. Just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing.
    Red: Will you shut up!

### Join Together [6.2]

    Jackie: I wish someone would rub lotion on my shoulders. [to Hyde] Think they're getting a little red.
    Hyde: Yeah, you should be careful. Looks like you're starting to scab.
    Kelso: OH! That's a burn about a burn, that's a second-degree burn.
    [Red joins Hyde in the basement. Hyde is watching a football game and drinking soda]
    Red: Hey Steven. Where's your beer?
    Hyde: What? Me, beer?
    Red: Kitty threw away all my beer, the Packers are down by 11, you're 18, I know you have beer, so where's your beer? [Hyde removes the outer part of the soda can, revealing beer.] I don't want used beer.
    Hyde: Well I might have a couple of fresh ones in the shower. [Red opens the curtain to reveal about 15 cases of beer] Yeah I'm running low, I should probably hit the store. [Red takes a six pack and sits down to watch the game with Hyde.]

### Magic Bus [6.3]

    [Jackie and Hyde are making out on Donna's bed]
    Jackie: Steven, I am so glad we're back together. I thought I lost my pudding pop forever.
    Hyde: You wanna hear something sick? I actually missed you calling me pudding pop. [They continue making out and Donna and Eric come in]
    Donna: How many times have I told you guys not to make out on my bed? You guys are like cats; you don't even listen. [sprays Jackie and Hyde with water]
    Jackie: You're leaving tonight so technically this isn't your bed anymore. Besides I just can't keep my hands off my puddin' pop.
    Donna and Eric: Puddin' Pop?
    Hyde: Is that supposed to be me? I never heard that name before in my life.
    [In the circle]
    Fez: We should think about getting her something else. What do you think Puddin' pop?
    Hyde: Why does everyone keep callin' me that? My name's not Puddin' pop! I never heard that name before in my life! Forman's dead.
    Jackie: Hey, you guys think that's funny you should hear what Steven calls me. He calls me his- [Hyde shoves a piece of cake in her face] Hey! Oh hey, that's some good cake!

### The Acid Queen [6.4]

    [after Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]
    Brooke: Michael, I need to talk to you.
    Kelso: Yeah? About what?
    Brooke: About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
    Kelso: Excuse me.
    [to Fez]
    Kelso: Burn!
    [to Donna]
    Kelso: Burn!
    [to Eric]
    Kelso: Burn!
    [to Hyde and Jackie]
    Kelso: Burn!
    [Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]
    Kelso: [to Kitty] Burn!
    [to Red]
    Kelso: Burn!
    [Kelso runs back downstairs]
    Kelso: [To everyone calmly] Burn. We totally did it!
    Brooke: Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
    Kelso: [defensively] I never touched her!

### I'm Free [6.5]

    Jackie: Laverne is so annoying. Why does Shirley put up with her crap?
    Kelso: She has to. They're in love.
    Donna: Again, Kelso, Laverne and Shirley are not lesbians.
    Kelso: Trust me, they're one bottle of wine away from making out, just like you two.
    Red: [referring to Fez's impending questioning by the INS] And I guess it might be fun to just sit back and watch Tarzan here crumble before the full force of the U.S Government.
    Fez: Okay, that’s it. Anwar I can deal with. Tonto, in the ballpark, but Tarzan... Tarzan is a white guy!
    Red: Don’t sass me, Tarzan.

### We're Not Gonna Take It [6.6]

    Fez: Laurie: well, look who the whore dragged in, herself. May I remind you you're married?
    Laurie: Oh, that's okay. The guy from last night was married, too.
    [Red and Kitty walk in from the kitchen]
    Fez: What is your problem?
    Red: Oh, are you two at it again? Your green card is on the way. [to Kitty] I thought this marriage was over.
    Kitty: Laurie, I gave you fifty dollars last week to go down to the courthouse and file for divorce. What happened?
    Laurie: Well, I had to get a new makeup mirror and some wine.
    Red: Tomorrow we're going to the courthouse. [Red and Kitty walk away.]
    Fez: Hmmmm, the courthouse is across town. I wonder if you can make it all the way there without sleeping with someone?
    Laurie: I bet I can make it there without sleeping with you. [Laurie walks away.]
    Fez: Bitch.

### Christmas [6.7]

    [Two girls approach Eric]
    Random Girl #1: Oh, my God, Eric Forman! I love your shirt.
    Eric: Really? I wore this shirt for four years and no one said a thing.
    Random Girl #2: I guess now you really fill it out!
    Eric: Thanks. I'm, like, up to 17 push-ups a night, so..
    Random Girl #2: No, I don't think that's it. I think it's because you're not a high school boy any more.
    Random Girl #1: You're 18 now; you've seen and done it all.
    Eric: No, no, I... Well, yes, yes, I have! [Kelso pulls Eric away.]
    Kelso: You better watch out, okay? Girls are talking to you. I think there might be a practical joke in the works.
    Eric: No, man, I don't think so. I think it's because I graduated. Hyde, am I cool now?
    Hyde: Well, you're cool like margarine is butter... close, but there's a little aftertaste.
    Donna: Okay, we're back, and uh, if my boyfriend's listening, you're late and I'm a little worried you're trapped in a snowdrift or something. So, honey, if you're cold, I'm with you, baby. Okay, so let's take some requests, hello, you're on the air.
    Girl at Dance: Hi, I'd like to dedicate He's the Greatest Dancer by Sister Sledge to Eric Forman, the coolest guy at the Christmas dance.
    Donna: What? He's still at the dance?
    Girl at Dance: Sorry, I have to go. He's telling us about his boat.
    Donna: That sneaky bastard. Uh, that sneaky bastard Santa Claus is on his way with a non-stop block of classic Christmas tunes, and remember, you're listening to WFPP with me, Hot Donna. [sizzling sound] You hear that, Eric Forman? That's not bacon, that's your ass when I get a hold of you.

### I'm A Boy [6.8]

    Jackie: Hey, maybe a good way to break the ice is for everyone to tell a little about themselves. I'll go first... I like makeup and diets. And Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
    Brooke: Okay, well, I was valedictorian of my class, I run marathons and tutor kids in Latin.
    Kelso: Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class, a marathon runner — oh, and some kids that took Latin.
    Hyde: This is fun.
    Brooke: So how do you all know each other?
    Jackie: Well, Michael and I dated for, like, three years.
    Hyde: Then I stole her from him.
    Brooke: Wait — what?
    Kelso: Nah, nah, you never could have stole her if I didn't cheat on her first.
    Brooke: Okay. Wait a minute.
    Kelso: It, uh... that sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her with Eric's sister, and the rest of the girls were when we were on a break because I annoyed her. But none of those were sisters except the two that were sisters.
    Hyde: He brought up the sisters. Awesome.
    Brooke: Okay, this was a mistake. I think I'm going to go.
    Kelso: No, Brooke, wait... I've been with a lot of chicks, a lot... a lot... a lot.
    Jackie: That's not helping.
    Kelso: Look, just let me start over... We might not be the perfect match, okay, but I really, really like you. I think maybe us having this baby together is, like, fate.
    Brooke: Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train or in Paris, not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. [gets up and leaves.]
    Kelso: Fate. Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really really know what it means.
    Red: [as Fez comes into the room and sits down] Still not speaking to me, huh?
    Fez: [puts his book down, annoyed] Fine, I'll speak. I spend all day running your bald, grumpy ass around town- And do I get a thanks?! No. Because you're unpleasant!
    Red: ...You wanna know why I'm unpleasant? I just had a heart attack- and now I have to be driven around like a useless dope, by the idiot that married my daughter and gave me the heart attack in the first place! [stands up, Fez jumps back] But I am also unpleasant because I just spent the entire day cooped up in the car, breathing that mustard gas you call "cologne!" But mostly I'm unpleasant, because that's how it works in this family!
    Fez: [gets choked up]...I'm family?
    Red: ...Ah, crap! [leaves]

### Young Man Blues [6.9]

    Red: Get under the sink and loosen that disposal so we can get to the pipes.
    Eric: Under there? But...it-it's all spidery.
    Red: Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass!
    Eric: I just realized something. After all the years of me helping you fix stuff, you finally have to hold a flashlight for me. Lower, dumbass! [laughs]
    Eric: [after fixing the lawnmower] Mom, Dad, come quick. I fixed it. I fixed it! [Red and Kitty come out of the house to see what Eric did.] It was like God had control over my hands. Let me, let me start it for you.
    Red: Eric, don't. I've seen you use a wrench. If you went lefty-loosey instead of righty-tighty, we could all die. Let me just put this in the garage.
    Eric: Wait, but Dad...
    Kitty: No, no, honey, honey, your father's right, it's not safe. We'll let Bob start it later.
    Red: [after opening up the garage door and finding a police car there, looks at Eric] WHAT DID YOU DO?!? WHY, WHY, WHY, IS IT ALWAYS MY HOUSE!
    Hyde: Do you really want to know or do you want to just keep yelling?
    Red: I WANT TO KEEP YELLING!! I don't care whose fault it is, just get that thing out of here, now.
    Kelso: Yes sir. [Kelso goes into the car]
    Red: All right, everybody, show's over. Let's go in the house.
    Eric: But Dad, the lawnmower. I fixed the lawnmower, You've got to see. [Sees Kelso backing up and about to hit the lawnmower] KELSO WAIT! [Kelso destroys the lawnmower]
    Hyde: Hey look Fez, just like your frog.
    [Fez looks especially upset]
    Red: Ah, well. It was broken anyway.
    Eric: No, It wasn't. I fixed it. Mom you believe me, don't you.
    Kitty: Of course I do, honey. I believe that you believed you fixed it.

### A Legal Matter [6.10]

    [Eric, Hyde, and Kelso have a Circle while raiding the police academy's main office]
    Eric: These samples are way better than our samples. Did you see how quickly I sniffed them out? I could so be a police dog!
    Kelso: [wears dog training collar] Cool, training collar. You know, I still don't get how they think I could be a stooge. I am so on top of everything! What does this thing do? [presses button and gets shocked] AAH!
    Hyde: Give me that, Kelso, you're gonna hurt yourself.
    [Red is teaching American history to Fez so he can pass the INS greencard exam]
    Red: What was President Dwight D. Eisenhower's greatest achievement?
    Fez: He led the Allies to victory in World War II and sent those jack-booted Nazi bastards home to cry in their sauerkraut.
    Red: I didn't understand a word you said, but I heard "Nazi bastards" and that's good enough for me.

### I Can See For Miles [6.11]

    [The gang is hanging out in Hyde's room]
    Jackie: Why are you guys all in Steven's room?
    Fez: Well, Hyde was here so I came in because I am not comfortable enough with myself to be alone.
    Jackie: Yeah, but it's all gray like a prison cell. Gray is why prisoners are unhappy.
    Hyde: Really, I always thought it﻿ was the loss of freedom ...... and the uninvited man love.
    [Eric laments about accidentally seeing Kelso's van plunge from Mt Hump]
    Eric: Man, poor Kelso's van. When it finally landed, it didn't so much crash, it just completely separated into basic elements and just returned to nature.
    Donna: So sad, there were Tootsie Rolls everywhere.

### Sally Simpson [6.12]

    [Kelso introduces a fellow cadet to the gang]
    Kelso: Hey, guys. This is my co-cadet at the police academy, Suzy Simpson. Simpson, these are my friends. Take a good look, 'cause you'll probably be arresting some of them in the future.
    Suzy Simpson: You're right. This one [points to Hyde] looks like the guy in the "What Drugs Can Do To You" filmstrip.
    Hyde: You're a cop, huh. You kinda look like a cop. You look kinda giggly.
    Kelso: Look, alright. Simpson needed to give me a ride home 'cause I sprayed myself with mace to see what it would feel like.
    Eric: Hey, so Suzy, which Charlie's Angels is your favorite? The brainy one? The sporty one? Or the one that just can't find a bra? Mine's the one that just can't find a bra.
    Suzy: Charlie's Angels are an embarrassment to the badge. No real cop would last a day dressed like those sluts.
    Jackie: Hey, those sluts are my heroes.
    Kelso: Hey, thanks for giving me a ride, Simpson.
    Suzy: We back up our own.
    Kelso and Suzy: Point! Place! Police! Court! Freeze! I said Freeze!
    [Red and Eric are trying role-playing to help lower Red's stress.]
    Red: [imitating Eric] I'm just a skinny, smart-mouthed kid who always has something to say about everything!
    Eric: [imitating Red] And I wish I was an octopus, so I could put eight feet in eight different asses! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
    Red: [imitating Eric] Star Wars Star Wars, Star Wars!
    Eric: [imitating Red] Dead Commies, dead Commies, dead Commies!

### Won't Get Fooled Again [6.13]

    [Fez is absent from the Circle after Kelso and Fez have a falling out.]
    Eric: Still no Fez, huh? Wow, Kelso, you must have really pissed him off. He hasn't been away this long since he discovered bubble baths.
    [Eric wants Kitty's help after Donna might be pregnant. Donna worries that Eric will be too obvious about who is pregnant.]
    Eric: Donna, I think I know how to be subtle. [Scene change] MOMMY, MOMMY, DONNA MIGHT BE PREGNANT!

### Baby Don't You Do It [6.14]

    [explaining how the police academy got set on fire]
    Kelso: It totally wasn't my fault! I I got there early to practice with my flare gun because I wanted to show Brooke an actual "B" for a change.
    Fez: Okay, so far 0 percent your fault.
    Kelso: Then I accidentally shot off a flare and it went [whistling sound] right under the bleachers.
    Hyde: Well, now we've jumped to about 60 percent your fault.
    Kelso: Kay, so then I shot off another flare at the first flare because you know what they say, you gotta "fight fire with fire."
    Jackie: Yeah, this is now, like, 99 percent your fault.
    Kelso: So, then I shot another flare into the air to warn people about the fire and that one just went right on the roof, so I just got the hell out of there.
    [Eric and Donna visit the marriage counselor, Pastor Dan]
    Pastor Dan: Okay, what did you want to tell me?
    Eric: Well, you see, Pastor Dan, when we were here before and you had asked us about premarital sex, we might have...We lied, okay? We have had sex zillions of times. I used to try to keep track on a pad, but it got unwieldy. Oh, God.
    Donna: Eric!
    Eric: Well, I'm sorry, Donna, but we are knocking on hell's door, and I ain't goin' in!
    Pastor Dan: Eric, you're not going to hell. But you might be. I don't know you that well. I just think you're depriving yourselves of that wonderful moment when marriage is cemented by giving the gift of yourselves.
    Donna: Wow. I never thought about it that way.
    Pastor Dan: Maybe that's why you couldn't figure out the whole excitement about marriage. The one thing you should have been looking forward to, you had already experienced. Maybe you knew that without realizing it.
    Eric: Um...I don't mean to bring up Star Wars again. [Donna just looks exasperated] This is a lot like Luke before he discovered the Force.
    Pastor Dan: Exactly. And what is the Force in real life? [Eric gasps and points up at ceiling]

### Who Are You [6.15]

    [Kitty is trying to convince Bob not to date Pam]
    Kitty: Bob, this is clearly upsetting Donna. How can you date her?
    Red: Yeah. How can you date her?
    Kitty: [Glares at Red] What does that mean?
    Red: What?
    Kitty: You emphasized "her" like there's something special about "her".
    Red: [stammering a bit] I just said what you said. But you must've missed it because I was on my way outside to mow the lawn. [heads outside]
    [Donna just told Kitty about her and Jackie discovering Bob and Pam in a hot tub]
    Kitty: Bob and Pam are in a hot tub?
    Red: [overhears and enters kitchen] Pam's in a hot tub?
    Kitty: There, you did it again, and this time you didn't even say "Bob"!
    Red: Yes I did.
    Kitty: No you didn't.
    Red: Yes, I did...and you would have heard it too if it hadn't been for all that damn tea! You know, I- I fought a war to keep that crap out of this country, and you had to bring it into my house, and you call yourself an American! Ha! [leaves kitchen]

### Man With Money [6.16]

    [Hyde, Eric, and Kelso are jealous of Bob dating Pam]
    Hyde: I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was Bob.
    Eric: I wonder if she'd like to watch The Graduate with me sometime?
    Kelso: One time, back when I was dating Jackie, I saw Pam washing her car. She leaned over and squeezed out the sponge...that's all I remember as I rode my bike straight into a tree.
    [Kitty is exasperated that Red is eating lasagna for lunch and his heart monitor does not sound the alarm despite the high cholesterol]
    Kitty: I mean, what does it take to get that beeper going?
    Pam: [walks in with Bob] Hi, Red. [Red's heart monitor beeps]
    Red: Wow, that must be the lasagna kicking in!

### Happy Jack [6.17]

    [Hyde and Fez visit Kelso at the police academy. Officer Kennedy sees the trio]
    Officer Kennedy: Cadet Mike.
    Kelso: Officer Kennedy, you know my friends Hyde and Fez.
    Kennedy: Yeah, I remember. But it seems to me their names were Trouble and Maker.
    Hyde: Trouble and Maker. That's clever.
    Fez: I think it's funny. They put us together, and we're troublemakers.
    Kennedy: Shut up. I hope these two delinquents don't interfere with the progress you've been making here, Mike.
    Kelso: No, sir. Not at all, sir.
    Kennedy: Well, we'll see. I'll have my eye on you...on all of you.
    Kelso: He's a good man.
    Hyde: All right, you're really starting to creep me out. Help me grab the beer out of the car. I'm gonna drink until that moustache turns into a caterpillar and crawls away.
    [Red and Kitty talk to Eric over his masturbation]
    Kitty: When you were a baby, you had your hands down your pants all the time. But that's okay, because it's natural. Red, tell him it's natural.
    Red: What are you, an animal?
    Kitty: But why wouldn't you lock the door?
    Red: How could he lock the door when he's in there pawing himself like an animal?
    Kitty: You know, some people get addicted and can't even hold down a job!
    Red: If you can't get someone to do it for you, you do without. In Korea I went for two and a half years.
    Eric: Dad, you were there for three. [Kitty looks at Red]
    Red: What are you, an animal?

### Do You Think It's Alright [6.18]

    [Fez catches Red reading a romantic novel]
    Fez: So you like those books too, Mr. Red?
    Red: Alright fine, so you know. But you tell one person, and so help me God, I will chop down whatever tree you live in!
    [Everyone plays Truth or Dare against each other in pairs; Donna is with Eric, Kelso is with Fez, and Hyde is with Jackie, leaving Mitch by himself]
    Donna: Okay, Kelso: truth or dare.
    Kelso: Uh...truth.
    Donna: Have you ever snuck into my bathroom while I was showering?
    Kelso: ...I mean, dare.
    Fez: You have snuck in there! I was there and I saw you! ...I mean, dare.
    Jackie: Okay, Steven: truth or dare? The truth will be whether or not you love me, and the dare will be...telling me that you love me!
    Hyde: Okay. [sighs] Pass.
    Mitch: Okay, Mitch: truth or dare? Um, I pick dare, Mitch. Okay, Mitch. I dare you to kiss Donna. [gasps at himself] Mitch! Naughty Mitch!
    Donna: Mitch, you goofball. That’s not how that works. You have to be, like, "I dare you to kiss me."
    Mitch: Okay.
    [Mitch gets up and kisses Donna in front of Eric]
    Eric: WHAT THE HELL?!
    Kelso: Oh, he did it!
    Fez: Look at him go! He's like a hummingbird!

### Substitute [6.19]

    Mitch: Aw, Forman. I should've known it was you guys. Most people that come here can't hit the ball that hard on the account that they're in kindergarten.
    Eric: Mitch! Congratulations. This seems like the perfect job for someone your size what with the free lodging in the castle on hole six.
    Mitch: Yeah, there's just enough room in there for me and your mom.
    Kelso: Yeah, the sweetest burns involve doing it with your mom.
    Kitty: [holding a Darth Vader action figure] Eric, were you playing in the bathtub with your little doll?
    Eric: ACTION FIGURE! [looks at the action figure] Oh, no.
    Hyde: In the tub, Forman? It's getting really hard to be your friend. [leaves the breakfast table with Kelso]

### Squeezebox [6.20]

    [Kelso pretends to interrogate Eric]
    Kelso: All right, Mr. Forman, if that is indeed your real name, what did you do on the day of yesterday?
    Eric: You'll never get it out of me, copper. I'm no rat!
    [Kelso takes Eric's X-Wing model and smashes it against the table]
    Eric: KELSO, WHAT THE HELL?!
    Kelso: Oh, just relax, Eric. I'm just doing good cop, bad cop. That was the bad cop, but he's gone now. See, now good cop is here to take care of you. Hey, how you doin', buddy? It's a real shame about what happened to your model. Why don't you tell me what you did yesterday?
    Eric: I came home from the restaurant, and spent six hours building that model!
    Mitch: Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what about your encounter at the store with the girl who sells slurpees?
    Kelso and Donna: What?
    Mitch: Yeah, you remember. She asked why you never call her anymore. You were like...
    Kelso: Ooh.
    Donna: Wait. Is that the girl from the movies?
    Kelso: Donna, I'm asking the question here. Was that the girl from the movies?
    Donna: What happened to, "I barely know her?"
    Kelso: What happened to, "I barely know her?"
    Donna: Why were you calling her, Eric?
    Kelso: Why were you calling her, Eric?
    Eric: Kelso, will you shut up?!
    Kelso: Oh, yeah, it's getting hot in here, isn't it?!
    Eric: [pushes Kelso's face away] Look, Donna maybe I kinda know her. Maybe we kinda went out a couple times when you were dating Kelso's brother.
    Jackie: Wait. You got other girls besides Donna to go out with you? What is this obsession with the underdog?
    Donna: So the other day at the movies you lied to me?
    Kelso: Donna, I'm the senior officer here. So the other day at the movies you lied to me.
    Eric: No! You know, I mean...it was the movies, you know. It's...it's all make-believe.
    Donna: Okay, you know what? Don't bother coming over tonight. My sexual tension has been replaced with another familiar emotion: anger at your scrawny ass!
    Eric: No!
    Mitch: YES!
    Jackie: Well, good job, Michael. You solved one crime and prevented an even bigger one: Donna having sex with Eric.
    Kelso: [to Eric] You have the right to remain BUUURRRRRNNN!
    [Kelso and Hyde make fun of Eric and Donna making up]
    Eric: You know, I never stopped loving you.
    Donna: Eric [she and Eric kiss].
    Kelso: Hyde, I never stopped loving you, either [takes Hyde's hand in his].
    Hyde: Don't. I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
    Fez: You guys better be kidding, or I'm gonna be super pissed!

### 5:15 [6.21]

    Mitch: [after he challenges Eric to a fight] All right! 5:15 at the playground — you be there!
    Donna: Why not just do it at 5:00?
    Mitch: I have swimming lessons!
    [Red faces Hyde in the basement over him tapping to the cable TV]
    Red: What the hell's the matter with you? Stealing my cable!!
    Hyde: Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at the carwash girl? She is so sudsy.
    Red: You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!
    Hyde: Red, the carwash girls have to make 500 dollars, or their super-freaky love nest is gonna turn into a bookstore.
    Red: Look there's only one clicker, and it's upstairs. My cable, my channel! [walks back up]

### Sparks [6.22]

    [Hyde, Kelso and Fez are on top of Mt.Hump. Kelso is sitting in a canoe.]
    Hyde: Hey, so, uh, how do you plan on steering this thing on land?
    Kelso: [holds up paddle] Duh.
    Fez: Kelso, I think you should wear a helmet just in case anything goes wrong.
    Kelso: Fez, I'm riding an open canoe down a rocky mountain side. What could possibly go wrong?
    Hyde: I think I'm with Fez on this helmet thing.
    Kelso: Ah, no, I'm not falling for that one.
    Hyde: Falling for what?
    Kelso: The old helmet gag.
    Hyde: Kelso, I just want you to protect your head from being crushed like a berry.
    Kelso: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?... Now let go of the ropes and watch me fly!
    Hyde and Fez: One, two, three [let go of rope. The canoe does not move.]
    Kelso: Woohoo!... Woohoo!... Ah, man! [tries pushing off with the paddle, stands up, gets out of canoe and throws away paddle] Stupid thing! [Canoe takes off down hill] Oh! Oh, man, that could have been me!
    [Hyde, Kelso and Fez do another attempt at canoe riding.]
    Kelso: We'll get a running start. And then, I'll jump in and zoom down the hill like the bobsledders do.
    Fez: And then, because this is a canoe on dirt and gravel instead of a bobsled on ice, bad things are gonna happen to you.
    Kelso: This is why I'm a legend, Fez.
    Hyde: Alright, Kelso. [picks up the Stupid Helmet] This time you're wearing a helmet.
    Kelso: Thanks, Hyde, but I think I'm not gonna put on a helmet with a bunch of worms and stuff crammed inside.
    Hyde: It's not a prank!
    Kelso: Well, now it's not, 'cause I didn't fall for it!
    Hyde: It finally happened. I've become the boy who cried helmet.
    Kelso: OK, on three. ...Go! [Kelso, Hyde and Fez start pushing the canoe downhill; Kelso lets go and runs downhill] WOOHOO! [Kelso jumps; thud] Holy crap! Did you see me bounce off of that tree?!

### Going Mobile [6.24]

    Eric: Guys... I have to tell you about this dream I had.
    Kelso: No. Eric, I can't hear another one of your lame dreams. "Guys, I dreamt I was purple and I could fly and Luke Skywalker was my lab partner."
    Eric: No. It was about Donna. Okay, it was five years in the future.
    Hyde: Five years in the future? Did you see Jackie? How's she holdin' up? Do I need to get out now?
    Eric: Hyde, in my dream, Donna gave up her life plans to be with me. And she was so miserable, she left me.
    Hyde: That's it? I took my feet off the table and turned slightly to the left for that?
    Eric: Look, you guys, what if I really am holding Donna back.. and she just doesn't realize it yet? I feel like I could be ruining both of our lives.
    Kelso: Eric, relax, okay? It's just a stress dream, 'cause you're gettin' married tomorrow. Now I had a dream last night that's worth telling. Okay, Donna was in a wet t-shirt contest [begins to visualize scene but stops it] No, I can't. Forget it. It's too dirty.
    Hyde: So who's gonna be your best man?
    Eric: Oh, you know what? Why don't you guys just decide who my best man is?
    Hyde: Whoa, you want us to choose? Well, if that's not an invitation to dress a dog up in a tuxedo, I don't know what it is.
    Kelso: All right. If anyone should be the best man, it's me. I'm gonna be a father, so I really need the money.
    Hyde: You don't get paid to be the best man. You do it for the satisfaction of nailing the hottest bridesmaid. It's in the Bible.
    Kelso: Well, I can't do that, 'cause I'm bringin' Brooke. Yeah, we're getting pretty serious. Girls, man... you get 'em pregnant, they get all clingy.
    [The gang, the Formans and Bob are in the Forman living room after Eric failed to arrive at the wedding rehearsal. Hyde answers a phone call.]
    Hyde: Hello... Yeah, we kinda figured... Uh-huh ... Well, do you wanna talk to her? She's sittin' right here... Okay [hangs up] Wrong number.
    Donna: Hyde, what did he say?
    Hyde: He said he's really sorry.
    Donna: He's sorry? He left me the day before our wedding, and he's sorry? What.. what does that mean?
    Hyde: It means he's not coming. Not tonight, not to the wedding. He's gone.
    Kelso: Man, I am glad to be here. I have had a rough day. Being around all this love and happiness oughtta cheer me right up. I mean, this is a happy day. Look at all the love. Wait, hey, where's Eric?

### The Seeker [6.25]

    [Hyde is in the hospital after falling off the water tower while with Donna]
    Fez: You look dorky.
    Donna: Hyde, I am so sorry. I don't know my own strength. I mean, I guess I'm still all bulked up from J.V. Wrestling. You know what? This isn't my fault. This is Eric's fault for taking off.
    Fez: Hey, look at the bright side. Now I can spy on you from Eric's empty bedroom instead of climbing up a tree where there's no place to put my juice box.
    Kelso: Man, I can't believe I missed you falling out of the water tower. So I'm at home, and I'm watching Scooby-Doo, and I think to myself: "You know what? You should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna." And then I think, "No, because maybe Scooby and Shaggy found a real ghost this time." But it wasn't. It was just another crazy old guy.
    Jackie: [enters room] Oh, Steven, I heard what happened.
    Hyde: And you brought me flowers?
    Jackie: No, these are for me. My boyfriend fell off the water tower. So what, Donna, you're alone, and you want me to be alone, too?
    Kitty: Okay, Steven, get on home. I'll take care of you later. Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
    Hyde: I don't need that baby crap [he waits till the guys are out of the room, turns back and gives Kitty a kiss]
    [Midge returns]
    Donna: Mom, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're here.
    Midge: Well, there are times when a mother has to be there for her baby, like now and, I guess, when she's born.
    Kelso: You know, Mrs. Pinciotti, in my younger days, I had quite the crush on you even though I knew nothing could ever happen. But now that I'm older, and I'm gonna be a father soon, if anything does happen, we gotta keep it quiet.
    Jackie: [enters room] Steven, you're late. Where.. Midge! Hey.. what a surprise. Huh. I should probably return these earrings I didn't know were yours.
    Bob: [walks in with Pam] Midge, what are you doing here?
    Midge: I came to see Donna. Who's the amazon?
    Bob: Oh, this is my, uh, friend.
    Pam: "Friend"? I don't think so. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing that ever happened to him.
    Midge: I'm Midge, the second best thing that ever happened to him.
    Donna: Dad, I invited her to stay with us.
    Jackie: Your mom is staying with us?
    Donna: No, your mom is staying with us.
    Jackie: What about my mom?
    Donna: Well, that's not my mom, that's your mom.
    Bob: I'm confused. Who am I sleeping with?