# Total Drama Action

    Seasons: 1: Island 2: Action 3: World Tour 4: Revenge of the Island 5: All-Stars and Pahkitew Island | 6: Island (2023) | Main | Spin-offs: The Ridonculous Race / DramaRama
Total Drama Action is the second season of Total Drama.

## Episodes
### Monster Cash [2.01]

    [the 14 contestants who we're tied from last season's finale get dropped off at a film lot.]
    Duncan: Man, I miss the smell of the city.
    [everyone else got off the bus.]
    Heather: [with her new wig] Step off!
    Gwen: You step off!
    [Both growl at each other, before falling off the bus and Gwen runs into Harold and Harold runs into Leshawna]
    Harold: Ow! Sorry, Leshawna!
    Leshawna: No harm done! [the bus drove away] Where is everybody?
    Gwen: Uh. Maybe we got off at the wrong stop.
    Justin: That broken-down bus only had one stop.
    Heather: I'm not hanging around here.
    Leshawna: You're gonna give up the chance at a million big ones. That's a lot of hair-weaves.
    Heather: Guess I can stay for a bit.
    Beth: Face it. The money's the reason we all put up with Chris.
    Trent: Beth, you got your braces off. Nice!
    Justin: Hot as ever.
    Leshawna: [pulled Justin away from Beth] You look Fi-I-I-ne, girl!
    Gwen: You really do!
    Lindsay: You're totally on your way to looking the part of my new BFF! That's my new best French friend. I'm so moving to France when I win.
    Beth: My mom said my world would totally open up when I got my braces off! She was right! I'M going to France!
    Lindsay and Beth: Yay!
    [suddenly, Chris drives up in a cart.]
    Duncan: Dude! It's about time!
    Chris: Hop on, Everyone! C'mon, people! Sheesh! We haven't got all day! This cart's rented by the hour!
    Owen: Izzy! Run! [Izzy whistles] I mean Kaleidoscope.
    E-Scope: No one leaves E-Scope behind! [Tarzan yell]
    [Owen eats all the food on the table and mumbles after he finishes all of it. Chris comes up to Owen, after watching him eat everything in the craft services tent]
    Chris: Owen, the man of many appetites. How was it?
    Owen: The turkey was a bit... [burps] ...dry.
    Chris: Not surprising, since the food was fake.
    Owen: Fake?
    Chris: Yep! Just props made from foamcore, silicone, sawdust and wax. It wasn't a speed eating contest. It was a contest to find the key.
    Owen: What key? [burps out a key] Oh! You mean this key?
    Chris: That'd be the one.
    Owen: Does this mean I win?
    Chris: Yes. Yes, it does.
    Owen: Alright!
    Duncan: [confessional, laughing] Did you see that? Dude ate foam core and wax. Full props for that, man!
    Geoff: [confessional] Way to find the key, dude! I used to think Owen was just some party dude, but he's really a stand-up guy. Party on!
    Harold: [confessional] I could've done that, you know. I just wasn’t hungry.
    Owen: [confessional] Oh. Wait, wait, wait. There’s still one more! [burps]
    LeShawna: [confessional] You know what that boy has? Guts. Guts full of foam core and rubber, but guts just the same!
    Justin: [bonus confessional] Last year, I wasn't really a contender. But this year, this year will be different. I may be a pretty boy on the outside, but in here… there's a man filled with rage who's in this thing to win, and mark my words, I will stop at nothing, so no one better stand in my way 'cause I will make sure they don't… uh… stand in my way for long, okay? Ah, perfection.

### Alien Resur-eggtion [2.02]

    E-Scope: Hey! Follow me! I know aliens. Uh huh! I’ve been abducted loads of times! There’s a tracking device on my neck, see.
    Harold: Does it hurt?
    E-Scope: Only when I hiccup! [hiccups and feels a shock] Oww!
    Beth: [confessional, with Lindsay] Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn’t mean we should be mean back, right? Buddha says, you can lead a sheep to water, but, you can’t make it nice.
    Lindsay: That is so deep!
    Chef: [chasing Heather] This is for last season when you put laxatives in my brownies! The only thing that should give people the runs is my under-cooked meat! [shoots Heather with the paintball gun and her wig falls off]
    Heather: My wig! [She jumps to grab it but it was too late] No! Don't look at me! [Confessional] Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything. Lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine, [she sips from her cup but ends up spitting out the medicine in disgust and throws the cup to the side] Loser shaman!
    Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Trent, Gwen, Harold, Duncan and Izzy.
    E-Scope: E-Scope!
    Chris: Fine! E-Scope! Lindsay, Justin and Beth are also safe!
    Both: [Hugs Justin] Yay!
    Chris: And so is Owen, my man!
    Owen: Aww. Thanks, Chris! And thanks Chef! For doing what the prunes couldn't!
    Chris: Next is DJ, surprisingly Heather and last but not least... [Bridgette, Geoff and LeShawna are the bottom three] LeShawna!
    LeShawna: Whoo-Hoo! [Hugs Bridgette and Geoff] Oops! My bad!
    [Geoff and Bridgette had their first elimination that consisted of a double elimination, in which the two castmates with the highest number of votes would be eliminated.]
    Bridgette: But... but I thought everyone liked us.
    Duncan: "Liked" being the operative word. [Confessional] I know exactly who's going to get it this week! [mimics Bridgette and Geoff kissing]
    Lindsay: [Confessional] Two words! Bridgette and Geoff!
    DJ: [Confessional] Least they'll have each other!
    Chris: Any final words?
    [Bridgette and Geoff continue to make out, much to some of the contestants' disgust, and they continue to make out as they head for the Lame-O-Sine]

### Riot on Set [2.03]

    [Gwen and Trent begin choosing their teammates for their teams]
    Chris: Okay, let’s get this bloodbath started. You’re gonna choose schoolyard style. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Ladies first. Since we have no ladies here, Gwen.
    Gwen: [sighs] I dunno. Duncan?
    Trent: [gasps; Confessional] I can’t believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they’re kind of alike. And now she wants to be on the same team? What am I supposed to make of that? You think you know a person! I choose the beautiful Lindsay!
    Lindsay: Yay!
    Gwen: [confessional] “The beautiful”? What, was Trent trying to tick me off by picking Lindsay like that? You think you know a person. [End confessional] Because I like to keep things cool, I pick Leshawna.
    Leshawna: The girls are back in town!
    Lindsay: [gasps] You know what would be so great? If you picked Tyler!
    Trent: Tyler’s not in the game anymore.
    Lindsay: [disappointed] Seriously? Bummer.
    Trent: I choose Justin.
    Gwen: Oh. Pick all the good looking contestants. That'll get you far. [Leshawna and Duncan are both shocked and angry at her]
    Trent: It will in show biz.
    Gwen: [growls] DJ.
    Trent: Beth.
    Leshawna: Remember, keep your enemies closer.
    Gwen: No. Really? You don't mean... Fine. We choose Heather.
    Heather: Really? [Confessional] It's about time someone realized who's the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people.
    Trent: [Confessional; unsure how to choose between Owen and Harold] How do you choose between flakier and flakiest? At least Owen got farther in the last game, that's worth something. Dude, I don't know. I had to pick someone. I choose Owen.
    Owen: Woohoo! [high fives Trent]
    Harold: Uh, hello? Don’t wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop–
    Gwen: I pick Harold. If for no other reason but to shut him up.
    Harold: Wise choice.
    Gwen: There were no other guys left.
    Harold: Still.
    Trent: Um, I guess Izzy is on my team then. Izzy?
    [E-Scope ignores and whistles]
    Lindsay: She likes to be called Kaleidoscope.
    Trent: [sighs] Oh, right. E-Scope?
    E-Scope (Izzy): Here! Hi!
    Chris: Gwen, I christen your team, The Screaming Gaffers. Trent, you’re the Killer Grips.
    Beth: Grip? I-I don’t wanna be a grip.
    Heather: Please. It’s not like being called a gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies.
    [E-Scope got eliminated because she lost the acting challenge for her team.]
    Chris: ...Izzy! Time to go.
    E-Scope: I'm not going anywhere. That's not my name.
    Chris: Can I get a pen, over here? [is given a pen and writes on the results] It says "E-Scope, now, okay? [E-Scope nods] Yo, guys, wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll notarize it. Foresight, that's why they pay me the big bucks!

### Beach Blanket Bogus [2.04]

    Lindsay: [freezing] When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?
    Chris: [wearing winter clothing] As some of you can see, we're actually in the shooting studio.
    Duncan: [freezing] And the AC's cranked because...?
    Chris: All the cameras and lights get so hot, they can melt Chef's heart. [Chef smiles and waves] And the network told my agent sweaty isn't a good look for me. Your first challenge: hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup.
    Leshawna: [aggravated] What did you just ask me to do?
    Trent: He means whoever stays on the surfboard the longest wins.
    Lindsay: Yay! Go Justin!
    Beth: Yeah! Go!
    Lindsay: Copycat.
    Beth: Tan-orexic. [gasps in horror at what she said] Sorry! Friendship bracelet?
    Chris: [staring at Justin posing on the surfboard] So... perfect... Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race... [loads seagull firing gun] Almost.
    Beth: [as Chris loads the seagull gun] Justin! [in confessional] I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god. Instead, I said... [the camera cuts back to Beth at the challenge] Your face! Watch your beautiful face!
    Harold: [bonus confessional] The Hawaiian-themed party was wildly entertaining! We ate poi! With pineapple! What's poi, you ask? "Poi" is a Hawaiian superfood from the root of the taro. It's vitamin rich and hypoallergenic, making it the world's most effective substitute for breast milk.

### 3:10 to Crazytown [2.05]

    [Heather continues climbing with LeShawna following behind.]
    LeShawna: At least I have hair!
    Heather: Your afro is so big, it has it own gravity!
    LeShawna: Oh. I'll give you gravity! [pushes Heather off the board, but, holds on to LeShawna and the two girls fall]
    Gwen: Where'd they go?
    Chris: Not there! Way up there!
    [Heather and LeShawna are hanging by a weather vane]
    [Trent got eliminated because Justin heard that he was throwing challenges for Gwen and told Gwen that she owed them. Gwen then requested the team to vote him off]
    Trent: [after he got eliminated] What? This has to be a mistake!
    Chris: Trent, it’s time to go.
    Trent: But I can’t leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!
    Chris: Yo, Chef? A little help here?
    Trent: [gets carried by Chef] Gwen! [gets dropped off the limo]
    Chris: 3:10 to Crazytown. Trent is now aboard.
    Gwen: Did you call me in here just to make me feel bad?
    Chris: Yes, yes we did.
    Gwen: Well, it worked.
    Chris: My work here is done.
    Trent: [lame-o-sine bonus] So it really stinks that I’ve got to go! I thought this season I'd go all the way, with Gwen. Things with Gwen and I were great. You know that sweet spot in the sofa, the one you spent years carving? That's how Gwen felt to me. Things got a little nuts. Okay, I got nuts! Liking Gwen made me crazy! Crazy enough to make me lose a million bucks! Guess the Grips are better off without me. [hits his forehead] Think my forehead needs a bit of time to heal.

### Aftermath I [2.06]

    Bridgette: Trent was such a stand-up guy. He did not deserve what happened, right?
    Sadie: Oh, totally not.
    Bridgette: And all because of Gwen.
    Geoff: Whoa, back up, Bridge. Couples break up; it wasn't Gwen's fault.
    Bridgette: Trent lost out on a million bucks because of Gwen.
    Geoff: So, Gwen went behind Trent's back and told his team to vote him off, that doesn't mean...[hears the audience gasp in shock] Whoa, what?
    Trent: [backstage, having just heard what Geoff said] Awww man, what?! Are you kidding? Gwen did what?! This is a joke, right?
    Geoff: Whoa... did someone not tell the dude?
    Geoff: Trent isn't innocent in this. What about the time he kissed Heather? Gwen was totally wrecked. Remember?
    Sadie: [gasps] I remember! Trent totally cheated on Gwen, first season.
    Bridgette: That was Heather's fault. She tricked Trent into kissing her.
    Geoff: A dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the hottest chick on the show. [the audience, Izzy, Katie, Sadie, and Bridgette gasp at what Geoff said] What?
    Bridgette: I cannot believe you just said Heather was the hottest girl on the show!

### The Chefshank Redemption [2.07]

    [as the Gaffers dig their tunnel underground, Izzy, despite apparently leaving the set after being eliminated, suddenly bursts through the soil and returns to the game]
    Screaming Gaffers: [utterly surprised] KALEIDOSCOPE?!
    Izzy: [acting like a prarie dog] Yip! Yip! Yip!
    Duncan: Yep, I'd say that's her.
    Izzy: Yep! I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs. [an angry prairie dog emerges from her hair, growling] Aw, Butchie, it's okay. These are my friends.
    [Gwen got eliminated because she threw the challenge and voted herself off in order to repay the Killer Grips for when Trent was throwing challenges for her]
    Chris: Time's up! I'll tell you the votes! Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold. Another award and one day to compete. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million goes to... Heather!
    Heather: [to Gwen] Sorry, Gwen, you're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic!
    Leshawna: [in confessional] Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right, but something must have gone on for Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet, little head like that. Girl wasn't right, and when you're not right, YOU'RE WRONG.
    Harold: [in confessional] Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game; according to prison rules, I'd either have to break a shovel over her head or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible.
    Heather: [in confessional] My vote plus Leshawna and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye bye, Gwenny!
    [Chef puts handcuffs on Gwen]
    Chef: Dead girl walking!
    Duncan: Leave her, take me!
    Chef: Sure, whatever. [Chef takes handcuffs off Gwen]
    Duncan: What? Wait, wait! Okay, I didn't actually mean...
    Gwen: [takes handcuffs out of Chef's hands] Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, eh? [in confessional] Definition of lousy: being a stickler for your word and having to vote yourself off. [looks and points upwards] Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!

### One Flu Over the Cuckoos [2.08]

    Owen: Hey! You know what my brothers and me did once? We had a no hands pizza off! [laughs] You should've been there!
    Izzy: Let's pretend I was... here!
    [Izzy jumps off her chair, gets on her hands and knees, and begins tearing into one of the pizzas]
    Owen: You're magnificent.
    [Izzy eats pizza with no hands and goes overboard]
    Lindsay: My hair!
    Justin: My pecs!
    Owen: My pizza!
    Duncan: This pie is rad! Who knew Chef could rock the za!?
    Harold: Aren't you having any, Leshawna? [Leshawna looks up from her reading]
    Leshawna: [confessional] I love pizza, but me and dairy do not agree, and, brother, you do not wanna be around for that.
    Duncan: Well, [grabs another slice] no pizza for Leshawna, means more for the rest of us.
    Harold: Hey, slow down, DJ hasn't had any.
    Heather: Where is DJ?
    DJ: [sneaks into the mess hall from the kitchen after making the pizzas] I've been here the whole time, obviously. Now, hand me some pie. [Duncan throws a slice to him, he holds under his breath after tasting it] Man, I am good.
    Leshawna: Hmph. Well, I'm not gonna just sit around and watch y'all eat. Tomorrow's a Reward Challenge. No need to bust our humps when no one's getting kicked off.
    Duncan: [puts down book] Lady has a point. I'm out.
    Heather: [in confessional] I could have forced them to stay, but it's not like they'll help us win. I mean, medical terms? Please. Those two would only come in handy if the challenge is about piercings or plus-size shopping.
    [Duncan and Leshawna are talking outside the mess hall]
    Leshawna: Now that Gwen's gone, we gotta watch our backs around Heather. I was thinking, what if you, me, and Harold form an alliance?
    Duncan: [laughs] What, you, and me, and Harold!? In an alliance!? [laughs uncontrollably]
    Leshawna: I'm serious!
    Duncan: [walks away] Yeah, yeah, whatever.
    Harold: [confessional] How can Leshawna even talk to Duncan? He's a worthless punk or my name isn't Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V! [gasps when he realized what he just said] Please don’t tell Duncan about the Doris part!
    Heather: Great. Now Owen's not only infectious, he's a deranged pinball of death.
    Harold: We need to confirm no one else is infected. Symptoms of Mortotistico Crumple's Disease include: explosive diarrhea…
    Lindsay: [at the porta potty; clutching her stomach, gurgling in pain] Oh, no.
    Harold: Itchy lips…
    Justin: My… my lips! They're on fire! [scratches his lips as they become inflamed]
    Harold: Sudden hot flashes… [Beth starts sweating from the heat] seasickness… [Heather's face turns green and vomits] speaking in tongues… And temporary blindness. Anyone? Anyone? Well, that's a relief. [bumps into Izzy and gets blinded] I'm blind!
    Leshawna: [confessional] I know it's meant to be dangerous and all, but it's still a TV show. No way they'd actually let someone up and die in here, am I right?
    Chris: You think we wouldn't. But, just imagine the ratings!
    Leshawna: [confessional] I take a practical approach to life and to this game. Namely, if someone is too nice to you, there has got to be a reason. And you just know it ain't gonna be pretty.
    Heather: [writing her will to her family] To my mother, I leave you all my many awards and trophies. [vomits into a bucket sitting next to her; continues writing] To my brothers and sisters, I leave you… nothing. Earn it yourselves, you lazy slackers!
    Harold: [confessional] How could you?! That's the lowest, meanest, dirtiest... GOSH! Well, that's the last secret you're gonna get from this guy! Now you'll never know about my teapot collection or the fact that I wear a wizard's cape when I play solitaire.

### The Sand Witch Project [2.09]

    LeShawna: Since when does Chef interfere in challenges? Smells kinda funny to me.
    Harold: Oh, that's me. Sorry. I was saving them for later.
    Justin: You guys gotta let me be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!
    Izzy: Okay, I am such the better scarier. My own dog is terrified of me, okay?
    Owen: But you're cute as a bug in a rug!
    Lindsay: Hey, you guys? Um, Beth?
    Justin: Later, Lindsay. I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it.
    Izzy: But look at my scary face! [babbles]
    Owen: D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable.
    [Izzy growls]
    Owen: This is a scary face.
    Lindsay: Beth is going to be our serial killer and that is that! Beth's a non-screamer. We have to have her as the killer or we're going down!
    [Lindsay was about to be voted off, but DJ announced that he was quitting the game out of guilt for the secret alliance he had with Chef Hatchet]
    DJ: STOP! I'm gonna do what I've should've done long ago. Make mama proud. I'm voting myself off.
    Chef: DJ! [laughs sheepishly] Why don't you and I have a chat before you do anything stupid.
    DJ: No, Chef! I'm not listening to you anymore! Chef and me, we had an illegal alliance. [Everyone gasped upon hearing this] He's been tutoring me and tuff, coaching me through the challenges. I'll miss you all.
    Owen: Wait. Wait. Wait. You've been cooking all the delicious food? The pizza, the cheesecake, the sandwiches?!
    Duncan: Dude, you can't leave!
    Justin: Yeah. Can't we just vote Chef off instead?
    DJ: Sorry, but I gotta make it right for mama.
    All: [touched] Aww...

### Masters of Disasters [2.10]

    Chef: [pulls out giant book] Ahhh, my unpublished manifesto. I've lived a lotta years! [he hurls the book at Owen nailing him in the mouth]
    Owen: Ouchie! That'll hurt come morning.
    Izzy: Oh, no! Owen! Are you okay?
    Chef: [smugly] My editor was right, my life really is dangerous!
    Izzy: [confessional] Owen is my buddy! He's the only one who truly gets me! If something happens to Owen, I'll be stuck with my imaginary friends. And let's face it, I should've ditched them years ago. Yeah, Phil, I'm talking to you!
    Chris: [as Owen is carried into the ambulance before driving away] The wounded Owen. What will become of him? Stay tuned to find out!
    Beth: Oh, no! It's a combination lock!
    Izzy: Sound familiar?
    Lindsay: How are we ever going to open it?
    Beth: Guys, we better get to it quick before the water gets too high!
    Justin: I'll do it.
    Lindsay: No, I wanna do it.
    Justin: Just give it to me. Lindsay. Lindsay. Lindsay.
    Lindsay: Look, I just...But I wanna do it! Come on!
    Izzy: Urgh...
    Justin: So come on, what are the numbers? Read 'em out.
    Izzy: Ugh! I'm surrounded by loons!
    Justin: Where?
    Lindsay: Oh, I love ducks!
    Owen: [bonus confessional; his jaw is wired shut, but Chris offers him free food from the competition and a blender in exchange for him waiving his rights to sue for the medical incident] When I first got my jaw wired shut, I was really stressed out. But then I discovered the power of the blender!

### Full Metal Drama [2.11]

    Owen: [clenched teeth] It’s not about what I’m doing, it’s about what I’m not doing.
    Harold: Pipes a little backed up?
    Owen: [clenched teeth] Who knew a diet of blended corn beef and cheese puff shakes could stop my whole system? [strains] C’mon, c’mon! Just a nugget!
    Chef: Make way, coming through!
    Owen: [clenched teeth] Chef, a little privacy? I’m trying to poop-a-doop here.
    Chef: Doctors orders, I’ve got the cure for your no-can-doo-doo right here. One part fruit, nine parts bran.
    Owen: [clenched teeth] That isn’t even food-esque!
    Chef: Don’t push, kid. They’re making me serve you on account of my bad behavior.
    Leshawna: Give it here. I’ve been starving half to death since DJ left! [drinks it all]
    Chef: Girl’s gonna feel that.
    Leshawna: My, my! Who knew liquid bran could be so tasty? [burps] Even on the return trip.
    Owen: [clenched teeth] I’d say that my work here is done, but I never even got started.
    [Izzy got eliminated again because Justin convinced Beth and Lindsay to vote her off, as opposed to him, when she told him that he wasn't that cute.]
    Chris: This one's a nail-biter. I'd say no one's safe. Lindsay, how do you feel about your chances?
    Lindsay: Let's face it, Chris! It was my lousy Admiraling that cost us the challenge, if I go home tonight, I won't blame anyone, except Beth.
    Beth: Why me?
    Lindsay: I had to blame someone.
    Chris: Then, there's Izzy. You overdid it on the first challenge and cost your team an important victory. Will it be your crazy bum sitting in the lamousine tonight for the second time?
    Izzy: Explosivo does not answer most questions!
    Chris: Justin! Beth and Lindsay seem to have kinda left your corner, pretty boy. Are you worried?
    Justin: I never worry! Causes wrinklage!
    Chris: All right then. Votes have been tabulated. So, it’s time to present the awards. [A parachute falls along with the vote sheets] Tonight, the Gilded Chris goes to… Beth, Lindsay, and… Owen. [Izzy and Justin are the bottom two] And now, only two nominees left. The final award goes to... JUSTIN! [Justin is given his Gilded Chris, Izzy is shocked]
    Izzy: Porqué?
    Owen: I'll miss you, Iz. [Owen is about to kiss, but Chef grabs Izzy, and carries her to the Lame-o-Sine]
    Justin: [in confessional] I'm not saying I voted for Izzy just because she said I'm not cute. Okay, it was because of that. Thing is, Beth and Lindsay told me they were sending me home. So, you see? I didn't lose my mojo. I just needed to... shake things up, huh. With my new patented all-time, lady-killing, Mega-Flip. [Justin flips his hair, by shaking his head] I'm back, baby.

### Aftermath II [2.12]

    Gwen: Duncan didn't vote me off.
    Courtney: Only because you had your goth girl hooks into him!
    Gwen: Courtney, we're just friends! Please tell her, Trent.
    Gwen: We're just-
    Geoff: [Pointing to the anvil] Watch what you say!
    Gwen: Friends.
    [The anvil stays where it is, proving that she's telling the truth]
    Courtney: I am so calling my lawyer!

### Ocean's Eight - Or Nine [2.13]

    [Courtney returns to the game after winning her lawsuit against the show]
    Chris: [straining to read a document from Courtney's lawyers] Teams, it is my honor to report that Courtney is back for the duration of the game. [Courtney waves to the Gaffers as Duncan looks scared] And, we're all exceedingly happy about it!
    Heather: She got voted out fair and square!
    Courtney: Sorry, Heather, but myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen and Strauss would beg to differ. We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers and won.
    Harold: Great news, eh, Duncan?
    [Duncan shoves Harold in the face and to the floor]
    Chris: So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge, great job by the way, you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize, your bag of loot.
    Courtney: The choice is obvious, it's Duncan! I mean the Gaffers, since they were the only team that managed to get to my ticket. [Duncan walks up to get the bag] Congratulations.
    Duncan: [very confused and strained look and cracking voice] Thank you?
    Heather: I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes.
    Chris: [waves hand over Grips] So that means, The Killer Grips win second prize!
    Justin: What's second prize?
    Chris: [waves hand over Courtney] Courtney! For the rest of the game, or until she's eliminated!
    Courtney: [confessional] Those Total Drama dirtbags have some nerve making me second place! They will definitely be hearing from my lawyer. Again!
    Heather: "Non-negotiable Chris cash. Accepted only in the Total Drama Action craft services tent towards the purchase of water from the tap?!"
    Harold: Sometimes, I really hate that smile of his.
    [Although all Killer Grips voted off Courtney, her lawyers made it so she could not be voted off in that episode. She voted off Owen for losing the challenge]
    Chris: Like always, Killer Grips, one member of your team will not be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris, made of the finest Belgian chocolate. [Owen's stomach grumbles and his jaw holder breaks lose and a piece hits Courtney in the eye] But not like always, and this is important to remember: This week, according to our lawyers, none of you are allowed to vote off Courtney. You got that, dudes!? The show can't afford any more lawsuits! [whispers] My massage budget has been sliced in half! [The Killer Grips casted their votes. Chef gives the vote sheets to Chris] And the Gilded Chris Awards go to Beth, Lindsay, Justin. [looks at the vote sheet] Why do I have four votes to boot out Courtney when I specifically said you COULDN'T?
    Justin: I guess we couldn't help ourselves.
    Lindsay: No matter what? My finger would only press the Courtney button.
    Chris: Well, that leaves us with one vote that counts.
    Courtney: Owen, you've been eliminated.
    [Owen walks up to Chris]
    Justin: This is bull!
    Lindsay: You can't do that!
    Chris: Sorry, bud, no Chocolate Chris Award for you.
    Owen: Not even an ear?
    Justin, Beth, and Lindsay: Speech, speech, speech, speech!
    Courtney: He lost the game for us, guys. Hello?
    Chris: Anything in your contract that'll stop him from speaking?
    Courtney: Um, no... but --
    Chris: Then... a little light for my friend here.

### One Million Bucks B.C. [2.14]

    Heather: [Confessional] It kills me that Lindsay-iot has all that hair on her head when it's her fault I lost mine. I would've chopped it off, but all I had was a hairbrush.
    Lindsay: [Confessional; angered by Courtney's actions] Courtney thinks she knows everything. But she doesn't know that when I was twelve, my flat iron once accidentally set fire to my grandma's house. Twice!
    Chris: Thanks to Courtney's lawsuit, She'll be playing by a set of different rules.
    Duncan: You said there are no rules.
    Courtney: There are if you have a good lawyer.
    Chris: Chef, Let's get this over with... Ahem! Rule one. Not withstanding that contestants are not permitted with contact from the outside world. The contestants hereafter refer to as "Courtney" may retain a Personal Digital Assistant. AKA her PDA.
    Beth: What?! That's so not fair! I'm the one with a boyfriend!
    Chris: Care to take that up with our legal department, Beth? [Chef breaks a court mallet and Beth gasps] Didn't think so... Rule Two. Where as contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Chef Hatchet, Courtney shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience consisting of producers, and myself as applicable. I hope you like lobster.
    Beth and Heather: No way!
    [everyone, but Chris and Courtney yell in protest]
    Chris: Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one.
    Courtney: What?! I'm still sleeping in the girl's trailer!
    Chris: Where she will have a pure goose down pillow, extra comfy loftier, and 700-count sheet. Oh, and her Own... Private... Bathroom! [everyone yells in protest at Chris and Courtney again] Those are the new rules. Let's call them "Courtney's Rules" in honor of Courtney. Who gets special treatment. And an unfair advantage.
    Duncan: Nice. Our spoiled princess didn't waste anytime hooking herself up!
    Courtney: And you didn't waste anytime hooking up with Gwen after I left!
    Duncan: While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business.
    Courtney: You're on TV! They're everyone's business!
    Duncan: Well at least the whole world knows I play by the rules... Most of the time! What? Don't think you can win the million bucks fair and square?
    Courtney: I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed and both hands tied behind my back!
    Duncan: Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that! [both growl at each other]
    Heather: [bonus confessional] Reward challenges are such a waste of time. I wish we had a Gilded Chris Ceremony every night! Let's get on with it already. So I can get my millions bucks, and get a decent makeover. I mean, a super sized serving of meat? Who cares? I've got something better-- Courtney's hair! [sticks the hairpiece onto her head and a cameraman barges in to take it from her] No, you can't have it! It's mine! Well, okay, it was Courtney's, but I took it, which makes it mine! [falls to the floor and the cameraman takes the hairpiece off her head and leaves; puts her caveman wig back on and realizes it's glued on] It won't come off! I have hair! I finally have hair!

### Million Dollar Babies [2.15]

    [The contestants all watch the video of Leshawna with her cousin, Leshaniqua, on Courtney's PDA, listening to her insults]
    Leshawna: [on video] Ooh, Heather! Mm! Just mean for the sake of being mean. Lindsay has half a brain cell, max. And is usually gone out shopping. Ooh, Ooh! Probably with Justin's giant ego. [laughs] Oh. Duncan likes to think he's a bad boy, but when Courtney was there, she basically dragged him around by his eyebrow ring. Beth, actually wears a side ponytail. A side pony! And Harold? Darn fool's sweet on me, but he's getting about as much play as an old school cassette in a world of MP3s! [she and Leshaniqua laugh hysterically]
    Leshaniqua: Ooh, girl.
    [Courtney ends the video, and she and everyone look at Leshawna, angrily]
    Leshawna: You don't understand, that was outside the game! I didn't know anybody'd see it!
    Lindsay: So, you weren't just joking? I thought maybe you were joking.
    Leshawna: Uh… Yes! I was! And I wanted you to see it! Yeah, isn't that right? Psych! [chuckles as everyone still glares angrily at her]
    [Heather got eliminated because Leshawna's cheerleading convinced Duncan and Harold to vote for her, who lost a challenge and had a bad reputation from past actions, instead of Leshawna]
    Chris: So, the Gaffers lose it again! Must be tough! Especially with your own teammate dissing you all over the World Wide Web.
    LeShawna: Hey! I got enough problems with you messing things up.
    Chris: And Heather, you would have to feel awful about your humiliating. loss to Beth on the badminton court. (Pause) Heather?
    Heather: Sorry! I'm trying to remember what feeling awful is like.
    Chris: Duncan might remember, since he lost to a girl in wrestling.
    Duncan: She's not a girl. She's Courtney! It's a whole other thing!
    Chris: Harold! I'd say you might be the only one who might be safe.
    Harold: Well, Chris. I...
    Chris: No one wants to hear it! [Gave Harold a Gilded Chris] Just take the statue! [Tosses another Gilded Chris to Duncan] Diaper Shark! You're safe too! [Heather and LeShawna are the bottom two] LeShawna...
    Leshawna: [nervously] Yes?
    Chris: I'm sorry, but...heads up!
    [Leshawna catches the award and stands up in delight]
    Leshawna: Yes!
    Heather: What?! You voted me off?! Me?!!

### Dial M for Merger [2.16]

    [Lindsay tries using the doorknob to get in the girls' trailer, and a camera, scans her face.]
    Voice: Intruder alert! Entry denied!
    [The stairs dissolve and it sends Lindsay falling down a hole. Duncan comes over.]
    Duncan: What the?! [A tranquilizer dart hits him and he passes out and falls in the hole]
    Courtney: Duncy!
    Harold: Duncy?!
    [A bowler hat knocks Courtney out and falls in the hole, the others gasped.]
    Justin: Run for cover!
    [Leshawna, Beth and Justin take refuge in the boys' trailer, Harold tried to follow, but, the door closed on him.]
    Beth: What's happening?! Are we gonna die?
    Harold: [in confessional] I used to think the producers were mean. But now I think they're actually trying to kill us! If you ask me, it's a conspiracy to- [An intern knocks him out by hitting him in the back of the head with a nightstick]
    [Justin, Beth, and Leshawna are trapped in the boys' tralier]
    Justin: Hey, where's Harold?
    Beth: We're all gonna die!
    Justin: Beth, it's gonna be alright. Just focus on my calming beauty, and my soothing complexion. [Beth cries her eyes out] Ah! I'm hideous!
    Leshawna: Oh no! This is not happening to me!
    [a gas bomb is thrown inside, and Justin, Beth, Leshawna get knocked out]
    Justin: [after Beth elbows him in the eye] My eye! My beautiful, un-insured eye!
    Beth: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? [Beth touches his elbow]
    Justin: Ah! I bruise easier than a clingstone peach. Must prevent swelling... I need ice! Ice! [Justin runs away, then looks at himself in a mirror] I... am... a hideous beast! No one will ever hire me now! My modeling career is over! I'll have to go work in the circus as one of those... circus freaks.
    Duncan: [as he watches Courtney skillfully maneuvers past the lasers] If I were a wolf, I’d howl. Aww! What the heck! [howls like a wolf]

### Super Hero-ld [2.17]

    [The boys are exiting the craft service tent.]
    Duncan: Hey, Harold! What’s that in your pocket?
    Harold: Huh. Probably my.. [puts his hand in his pocket and his fingers are smeared with sauce] Aww! Burrito! Sick! Quit picking on me!
    Duncan: I wasn’t picking on you, I was picking you up something for later. A healthy diet is critical for a growing wimp. [Harold glared at Duncan] You making eyes at me, Muchacho? [kicks Harold, causing sauce to splatter on his pants]
    Harold: Aww, c’mon!
    Justin: Cut it out, you guys! We need to start sticking together!
    Duncan: [laughs] Kind of like Harold’s butt cheeks. You know, with the beans and the sticking.
    Justin: Dude, there are four girls and only three of us. We’re outnumbered, with Courtney back. It won’t be long before they figured it out.
    Harold: If they haven’t already. The girls are pretty sharp. [licks sauce from his fingers]
    Lindsay: Ugh. You stink!
    Courtney: [sprays herself with perfume] You stink like feet!
    LeShawna: You kidding me?! You both rank!
    Beth: Who knew a tour of a cheese factor could make you smell so bad!
    Lindsay: It’s like we somehow brought it home with us. [reaches into her bag and takes out some cheese] Gouda, anyone?
    [The next morning, the final seven saw Chef screaming for his life as he was dangling on a rope.]
    Courtney: [takes her hand off LeShawna] Let go of me!
    Harold: Where are we?
    LeShawna: And why is Chef in a nightie?
    Courtney: Uh. Is anyone gonna tell us what the heck is going on here?
    Chris: When I feel like it! [fixes his hair] And now, I feel like it. Today’s challenges are inspired by the superhero flicks.
    LeShawna: [surprised upon hearing this] Today’s challenges?!
    Lindsay: [confessional] Forget superpowers, Courtney's on a super-powered trip!
    Chris: Where are your tights?
    Duncan: I don't do spandex. I'm The All-Seeing Eye, and I've got psychic powers. I can see into the future.
    Harold: Yeah, right.
    Duncan: Harold is about to experience a painful life lesson. [punches Harold in the arm]
    Harold: Ow!
    Chris: [annoyed] Even I saw that one coming. Two points.
    Leshawna: I'm Super Aqua Chick.
    Chris: And what's your superpower? [gets hit with a water balloon] Fair enough. Seven points.
    Lindsay: I'm Wonder Woman!
    Courtney: Wonder Woman already exists! And she doesn't even look like that.
    Beth: [confessional] I don't know if Chris gets that our superpowers are fake.
    [Harold was goaded into voting off Leshawna by Duncan and Courtney.]
    Leshawna: You guys voted for me?
    Harold: [cries] I'm sorry. I didn't know if I could trust you, but I made a big mistake. A big mistake.
    Leshawna: Awwww, honey-pie, don't you worry. I made a mistake once too. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
    Harold: Do you forgive me?
    Leshawna: Come here, sugar baby. Leshawna's gotta a whole lot of love. [gives Harold a hug]

### Aftermath III [2.18]

    Bridgette: You don't have to do this, Owen.
    Geoff: So, Owen...
    Owen: AAAH! [talks about his childhood flashback] In the 3rd grade, I cheated on my math exam. In 4th grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and glued it to a goat's butt at the petting zoo. In 5th grade, I knocked my little brother down a flight of stairs and blamed it on my other little brother. When my mom sent me to summer camp for fat kids and they served us lunch, I pigged out, and the rest of the camp had nothing to eat for an entire week. But the worst thing I've ever done... I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and went to school and hid the puke in my jacket. And then I made a noise like this [makes retching noise] and I dumped it all over-
    Bridgette: Owen! I don't think that's what Trent meant. [shows people in VIP section smiling; almost as if they're about to laugh]
    Owen: What other kind of truth is there?
    Geoff: Heather, do you think Courtney's a worthy competitor?
    Heather: No. [gets electric shock]
    Geoff: Do you think Lindsay's as dumb as she looks?
    Heather: Yes. [gets electric shock]
    Geoff: Do you think Beth could be a threat?
    Heather: Beth? Absolutely not! [gets electric shock]

### The Princess Pride [2.19]

    Justin: No, I am a noble gentleman, a brave knight, a handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.
    Harold: Although a guy who's working with you is apparently fair game!
    Justin: I said I was sorry, Harold. I refuse to raise a sword to Courtney. I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now... [puckers his lips, expecting a kiss from Courtney]
    Courtney: Sorry, Justin. I just can't let immunity go. You understand. [pushes Justin off the tower with sword]
    Justin: I forgive you, princess! [falls and hits the castle backdrops and then, lands painfully on the ground] I'm okay.
    Chris: Courtney wins immunity, again!
    Courtney: Yes!
    [Justin got eliminated because Courtney pretended to like him to get him to throw the final part of the challenge to earn invincibility for herself as well as tensions between him, Duncan and Harold.]
    Chris: So, with immunity, Courtney is the first to win a Gilded Chris.
    Courtney: [Catches the Gilded Chris, then feels the pain] Ow.
    [It's revealed that Beth was pinning the Princess Courtney doll.]
    Beth: I think she felt that! Cool!
    Lindsay: Get her elbow!
    Chris: Before we continue the awards though, I have some news. Courtney's lawyers called and demand an 80% of all the profits of the Princess Courtney merchandise. So not gonna happen! So, we're renaming them after the only other two brunettes left in the competition. Beth! [Beth squeals excitedly and hurries onstage] You get your very own Princess Beth doll. And the contract stating you get 0% of the Princess Beth profits. Along with a Gilded Chris award. You live another week!
    Beth: [Squeals] Fairytales do come true! [Notices something] Oh my gosh! [runs off] Take the pins out!
    Chris: Also still in the competish. Lindsay! Eh. Harold! [Justin and Duncan are the bottom two] Who will lived happily ever after? And who will die penniless? And the last Gilded Chris goes to... Justin! Duncan, you're out.
    Courtney: WHAT?! This is an outrage! Justin should be going home!
    Chris: Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding. Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated! [gave Duncan the last Gilded Chris]
    Duncan: [to Courtney, smirking] An "outrage," huh?
    Courtney: [confessional] All I meant was that Justin deserved to go home. I worked really hard at getting him to fall for me. It’s called strategy. My feelings have nothing to do with Duncan getting voted off. As if I care about that. [blows her hair] I don’t!
    Justin: Courtney? [Courtney was on her PDA and she waves goodbye] Beth? Lindsay?
    Lindsay: Princess Beth is so cute!
    Justin: Is no one even going to miss me?
    Duncan: Ciao!
    Harold: See you in the funny papers! Farewell! Auf Wierdsehen! Don’t let the door hit you in the...
    Justin: Okay. Stop already! I’m going! But, you’ll regret it! [walks to the Lame-O-Sine] With me gone, this competition just got 80% less handsome. [hits his head] Alright! 79.

### Get a Clue [2.20]

    Harold: I'm failed him!
    Beth: Oh, the humanity!
    [Harold and Beth screaming]
    Lindsay: Dead guy on the train! Ew!
    [Harold and Beth screaming]
    Duncan: Would you pull it together, losers? We've got to figure this out!
    Lindsay: This reminds me of the time we were on the bus on the way to cheering camp. The head cheerleader, Carmalita Santos passed right out! I always hated Carmalita because Carmalita thought she was so great. But we had to do something! She was drooling! So me and Bitsy Stephanopolis ran to the front of the bus. Bitsy's real name is Elizabeth, but everybody calls her Bitsy.
    Lindsay: So Mrs. Witlock came running back from the rest stop with some full sugar fruit punch! Not the aspartame saccharin stuff. That doesn't work for these types of situations. And she gave it to Carmalita and we have to get some fruit punch for Carma...uh, Chris!
    Courtney: Yeah. Okay, anybody else have any great ideas?
    Harold: Knowing a bit about trains myself, I can say that an engineer is probably steering this thing, and could be counted upon for aid. Duh. Beth, try the phone to the engine.
    Beth: Hello? Hello?! Nobody's answering!
    Lindsay: We're trapped! We're all gonna die!
    Courtney: Is everybody here really that gullible? Yeah, Chris just happens to croak right here in front of us, and we can't reach anybody? [grunts] He's probably not even dead! [grunts] I only watched when you guys had to jump out of a plane. You guys were in that episode. Doesn't anyone remember that there was no plane? [grunts]
    Beth: She's right.
    Courtney: I guarantee the crew is just shaking the train car. And the window view is a holographic projection. This is obviously all make-believe. [grunts]
    Beth: [Confessional] Look, I'm obviously a little old for make-believe, but Courtney is not someone I'd have had over to my pretty pretend palace, ever! She'd always wanna be the daddy, the doctor and the prime minster of all my dolls, and they won't like that one bit! I mean, wouldn't. If I still played with them. Which I don't.

### Rock 'N Rule [2.21]

    [Owen returns to the game after his elimination]
    Owen: Hi everyone! I just can't help myself!
    Lindsay: Yay Owen! [Owen hugs her]
    Beth: Hi Owen! [Owen hugs her]
    Duncan: Hey man!
    Harold: Good to have you back! [Owen hugs him and Duncan]
    Chris: Fine Owen! Fine!
    Courtney: Hello? Not fine. No way Owen is allowed back. I had to file a lawsuit to get back on this show. I'm contacting my lawyers.
    Chris: You're not the only one with lawyers; Owen also filed a lawsuit...and won. His jaw was busted by Chef and he was unfairly kicked off the show. Is that good enough for ya?
    [Lindsay accidentally voted for herself, and was eliminated in a 3-2-1 vote.]
    Chris: Six left! One must go! And it won't be Courtney.
    [The gang casted their votes.]
    Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Beth, Courtney, Harold and Owen. Only one left and the last Gilded Chris goes to... Duncan! Lindsay's going Bye-Bye!
    Beth: But, Lindsay? Harold and I voted for Duncan.
    Chris: Thought so. In fact, what happened is a first for the show. A contestant accidentally voted themselves off.
    Lindsay: What?!
    Chris: Take a look, unlike me, the camera never lies. [shows a video clip of Lindsay accidentally voting herself off as everyone gasps and Duncan laughs] Lindsay, it's time to say sayonara. [short pause, with Lindsay staring at him blankly] That means goodbye.
    [Lindsay sadly gets up and walks to the limo]
    Beth: [runs up] It's my fault. I distracted you. And now you've lost your chance at the million!
    Lindsay: [brightening up] Don't worry. Friends are worth way more than money.
    Beth: Lindsay, that's the sweetest thing anyone said all season.
    Lindsay: Really?
    Beth: Totally.

### Crouching Courtney, Hidden Owen [2.22]

    Owen: Whoa! Harold did you hear that?
    Harold: Did Leshawna Jr say something?
    Owen: I think LJ has a message for us.
    Harold: What is it girl? Speak.
    Owen: [opens Leshawna Jr's box] Sounds like something about beating Duncan to a gooey pulp.
    Harold: Can't be LJ would never [gasps about what Leshawna Jr said] did she just say kick his butt?
    Owen: She totally did.
    Harold: [sighs] Leshawna, Leshawna. As Confucius once said "Forgive thy enemy, be reconcile to him" You inspire me to be better LJ. Let me do the same for you.
    Owen: So Harold, what do you miss most about Leshawna. Not the one in the box, the one you voted off.
    Harold: Well, there's her melting laugh.
    [Duncan laughing]
    Owen: Go on.
    Harold: And her delicate beauty.
    Duncan: [laughs] Sorry, sorry. It's just that girl's as delicate as a freight train and... [Harold takes his glass and throws the water in his face as he is rubbing his eyes] What the... [Harold punches him hard in the face, knocking him out, then running ahead]
    Owen: Sorry Duncan. [Sasquatchanakwa comes out of cave and roars at Owen and Harold]
    Harold: Silence Geisha. [takes his glass and spills it]
    Sasquatchanakwa: [referring to Harold purposely spilling his water; in confessional; gruffly] Not cool!
    Duncan: [bonus confessional] Yeah, Harold banished me from the sushi feast, one of the perks of winning the reward. Can you believe how fast the student became the teacher? Little twerp wad did me proud.

### 2008: A Space Owen [2.23]

    Courtney: [confessional] When I was head of the school debating team, my partner walked out on me during the biggest debate of the year because she felt I wasn't being a "team player." I went on to win it without her! Take that, Britney Reed! This photo is a reminder: If you want something done right, you do it yourself!
    [Courtney and Beth get in a fight in the girls' trailer after Beth won immunity]
    Harold: I, too, love a catfight, but only between actual cats wearing tiny boxing gloves.
    Courtney: [outraged] I can't believe you went against me like that!
    Beth: You deserved it for being so mean and bossy towards me!
    Courtney: Oh, if that's how you feel, the girl alliance is over!
    Beth: Fine!
    Courtney: Fine! [Confessional] As usual, I'm better off on my own. There's no team in "I!" So from now on, it's the Courtney alliance, and I'm in it to win it!
    [Harold got eliminated because Owen voted for him to keep himself covered, since he had been caught by him and Duncan also voted for him after he squished his pet spider, Scruffy]
    Chris: And five will soon become four as we bid farewell to another cast member. Everyone! Cast your votes!
    Duncan: This'll teach you to mess with my Scruffy! [votes for Harold]
    Harold: Bye-bye, traitor! [votes for Owen]
    Owen: Harold's on to me, I know it! [also votes for Harold]
    Beth: The girl alliance is over! [votes for Courtney]
    Courtney: [To the viewers] Back off! There's a reason why this is called secret voting, people.
    Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to... Beth, Owen, Duncan, and... Courtney. [throws the final Gilded Chris to Courtney] Sorry Harold, you limousine awaits.
    Duncan: Get on with it, Doris! [Harold runs to Duncan, and pulls his pants down, Chef grabs Harold] I kinda had that coming!
    Harold: Fifth place?! But Owen's the traitor! You've gotta watch that guy like a hawk! [Chef tosses Harold into the Lame-o-sine] No wait! A falcon! Their eyesight is way superior.
    Beth: Goodbye, Harold. I'll wait for you.
    Harold: Haven't I suffered enough?
    Chris: We'll see about that.

### Top Dog [2.24]

    Owen: Where were you all night? An alien abduction? It was, wasn't it?! You were subjected to an endless night of alien probing! Oh, the humanity!
    Duncan: Chill, Owen, I spent the night in Courtney's trailer.
    Owen: Really? What did you two do all night? Come on, come on!
    Duncan: Down boy! We talked. About relationship stuff, mostly. [Takes out contract]
    Owen: Dude, Courtney gave you...homework?
    Duncan: [in confessional, holding the stack of papers] Courtney wrote me a thirty-two-page letter outlining all my faults and how to correct them if we're ever going to have a serious relationship. All of which she expects me to memorize! I think I would have preferred a night of alien probing.
    [Owen and Courtney came back. The former growing a beard and the latter shivering.]
    Beth: Courtney, you’re shivering. [gasps] You must be freezing.
    Courtney: PDA withdrawal!
    [Duncan yells as he arrives back swinging on a vine, he used a slingshot to shoot a rock at Beth.]
    Courtney: Lord of the Flies, much?!
    [Courtney got eliminated because Duncan betrayed her and Beth thinks she was a bigger threat than Owen. Chris also fired Owen because Courtney's lawyers told her and Beth about his purpose of returning, causing Chris to fire him from the show.]
    Chris: This is a big one, cast. Beth is safe from elimination, which means the rest of you are fair game. So sharpen those claws and cast your votes. Someone is going home for the last time!
    Beth: Owen betrayed us... but Courtney's the bigger threat! [votes for Courtney]
    Owen: I like Duncan, but Beth and Courtney eat less. More for me! [votes for Duncan]
    Courtney: See you never, traitor! [votes for Owen]
    Duncan: [snores, then wakes up, unnoticeably votes for Courtney] Huh?
    Chris: The Gilded Chris goes to... Beth, and... Duncan! Courtney, since Beth and Duncan both voted for you, it's time for your ride home! Owen, I'll deal with you in a moment.
    Courtney: WHAT?! Duncan voted for ME?! UGH! [Tosses away her voting device]
    Duncan: [in confessional] Court's popularity's in the toilet; I can't have her dragging me down. But the real reason? The thirty-two-page letter. And people call me psycho!?
    [The other contestants uncovered Owen's identity as Chris' mole, so Chris fired Owen from the show]
    Courtney: [As she was forced in the Lame-O-Sine] How could you do this to me. After everything! We are so done!
    [Chef closed the door. Duncan and Beth looked at each other and Chris led Owen to the Lame-o-Sine]
    Owen: Uh, Chris? I think you forgot to give me my Gilded Chris Award...
    Chris: Sorry, Owen. You've been fired.
    Owen: But... whyyyy?
    Chris: [pushes Owen into the Lame-O-Sine, while Courtney is shouting indistinctive in the limo] What's the point of having a spy who's already been spied?

### Mutiny on the Soundstage [2.25]

    [Beth and Duncan are becoming the finalists of the season]
    Beth: I never thought I'd be the last girl left on Total Drama Action! Yep, now it's just me...all alone...in the scary trailer...I miss all my girls, even Heather! [teeth chatter]
    Duncan: [hears Beth's teeth] Ugh! It's Beth chattering again! With a face like that, I'd be scared too, right guys? [no answer] Right... nobody left to laugh at my excellent zingers. The good news is there's also no one left to reek up the trailer with jungle breath, nobody to wake me up with screaming night terrors - "Mommy! Mommy!" - and nobody with any chance of taking my guaranteed million away. [hears Beth] Put a blindfold on, loser! Man, I'm never gonna get to sleep. [a bomb is placed in Duncan's trailer causing him to pass out] What the?
    Beth: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING DUNCAN? [a bomb is placed in Beth's trailer causing her to pass out]
    Bridgette and Geoff: And the winner is...
    [everyone looks on in admiration, until both Duncan and Beth come in at the same time]
    Bridgette: It's a... tie?
    Geoff: So, um, what exactly are we gonna do about the million dollars?
    [The others are shocked or upset about the results]

### Aftermath IV [2.26]

    [Duncan's ending]
    Chris: The Season 2 Total Drama Winner is... Duncan!
    Duncan: [laughing triumphantly] AHAHAHA, YEAH!!!
    Courtney: [runs up and hugs him] We're rich!
    Duncan: Whoa-ho-ho-ho, not so fast, sister. Who said I'd share anything with you?
    Courtney: [kisses Duncan, who subsequently looks content] Every king needs a queen.
    Duncan: "King," huh? That doesn't sound so terrible... [they continue kissing]
    [Beth's ending]
    Chris: The Season 2 Total Drama winner is... Beth!
    Beth: Yeeeeaaaaaah! [the other contestants cheer and Brady enters] Brady! [Beth and Brady hug]
    Lindsay: Wow!
    Heather: He's not only real, he's really handsome!
    Justin: Now I wish I didn't vote for her.
    Duncan: Wanna get outta here and grab a bite to eat?
    Courtney: I don't usually hang with losers.
    Duncan: Neither do I, but I asked you, didn't I? So, uh, where do u wanna buy me dinner?
    Courtney: I would like to give you a homemade Knuckle-Sandwitch! But first. let me look up a strategy and call my lawyers! An election-fraud?

### Celebrity Manhunt's TDA Reunion Show [Special]

    [Courtney and Duncan are at a press conference, commenting about their break-up]
    Courtney: I have nothing to say about that guy, except that he's a complete thug! And I wish I'd never met him!
    Duncan: [laughs] No comment.
    Courtney: And he has the table manners of a chimp, and…
    Duncan: No comment.
    Courtney: And he always chews with his mouth open, and he's constantly interrupting me! And…
    Duncan: [irritated] I said, "no comment!" [presses his hand up against the camera]
    Geoff: Why didn't you dummies open the door?!
    [reveals test dummies]
    Trent: Uh, dude. Those are dummies.
    Geoff: Oh, yeah, [suddenly, realizes something] Wait a minute. Isolated location? Dummies? Nuclear-testing signs? Flesh-eating mutants?!
    Mutant: Hi.
    Geoff: [gasps in horror] Dudes, we gotta get out of here!
    [Geoff and everyone else runs away as a bomb drops out of the sky and the building blows up.]
    [when Geoff, Justin, Beth, Trent, Katie, Sadie, and Eva arrived at the Celebrity Manhunt studio]
    Geoff: We gotta rescue the gang! Then, we gotta party!
    Blaineley: Too late, Big Guy!
    [The contestants and Chris appear on TV, celebrating the new season]
    Trent: Hey! What's Chris doing with everybody on TV?
    Geoff: And bags of money?
    Josh: Looks like you missed the boat, Chris just cast your buds on the next season of Total Drama!
    Blaineley: And one of them will walk away with one million dollars!
    Geoff: No! No! Nooo!!!
    Eva: [starts getting furious] What?! No way! I'M GONNA LOSE IT! [starts hurling objects]
    Blaineley: We better sign off!
    Josh: I agree! Thanks for watching Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Reunion Special! [gets hit by a camera]
    Sierra: [in confessional] O-M-G. This is my first confessional EVER! I am so excited! I never thought I would be on Total Drama, my favorite show in the world! Talking to all of my favorite TV stars is SO fab! Now I will finally put to rest all those Cody blog questions, like "How many freckles does he have on his back?," "What kind of deodorant does he use?," "How many times does Cody sleep facing west?," and "What song does he sing in the shower?" Ooo. [giggles] Oh! [giggles] Oh, my! [giggles] That last one will definitely be a six month analysis. Oh, yeah! [laughs and shrieks]
    Alejandro: [in confessional] Watch out Total Drama nerds! The new guy is going all the way to the top!
    Chris: [about the new season] 16 teens, a trip around the world, What more could you possibly want?
    Chef: How about music?
    Chris: Yeah, everybody's doing the musical thing, now. Sure, and music! See ya next time, on "Total Drama..." [cut to on top of the control tower]
    Chris and Chef: [singing] Musical! [cut to baggage car, where they stand on top of] Musical! [cut to the front of the plane] MUUU-SIIIII-CAAAAAL!! [the front of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet falls and breaks]
    Chris: Uh, maybe not! [the third season's TRUE name is shown: Total Drama World Tour]