# ER (season 2)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

### Welcome Back, Carter! [2.01]

    Benton: I've got a thyroidectomy this afternoon. What do you know about the arteries in the neck?
    Carter: Uh, there's a lot of them?
    Benton: You have an hour and 25 minutes. I suggest you locate a Gray's and start memorizing it.
    Carter: [after he gives Doug a small idol statue] Dr. Ross, a little taste of the islands.
    Doug: Carter, you shouldn't have.
    Carter: It's Wondoa. He's the god of fertility.
    Carol: Just what you need, Doug.
    Mark: You did some of your residency with Kerry Weaver?
    Doug: Yeah, when we crossed paths.
    Mark: Morgenstern wants me to consider her for chief.
    Doug: Really?
    Mark: That bad?
    Doug: Did you ever see Cuckoo's Nest?
    Mark: Are the meetings always this eventful?
    Carol: This one was kinda boring. No-one tried to take a swing at each other.
    Benton: [to Carter] Just take a deep breath, alright. Need you to stay on your feet here. He's totally dry. Trendelenburg.
    Carter: I think I'm going to be sick.
    Benton: No, you're not. Internal CPR.
    Carol: He's fibrillating!
    Dr. Benton: Damn it. Twenty-five clear.
    Chuny: Got a beep. Nope, it's gone.
    Benton: Fifty. Clear.
    Chuny: Asystole.
    Carol: Well, that helped a lot.
    Malik: Smells kind of like a barbeque in here.
    Carter: Oh god. [passes out]
    Malik: Ha, ha. Welcome back, Carter.

### Summer Run [2.02]

    Shep: [to Carol] Welcome to hell.
    [Carter tries to convince Benton he didn't have sex with Harper Tracy]
    Benton: Carter, do I look like your father?
    Carter: No. Actually, not at all.
    Kerry: Carol!
    Carol: Oh! You scared me.
    Kerry: Yeah, I do that to a lot of people.
    Morgenstern: Give me a good sick body, needs a little slicing, and I'm a happy man.
    Benton: So, how's it going?
    Kerry: My first day here, and I've only upset Doug Ross. That's not too bad, huh?
    Benton: You must be losing your touch.

### Do One, Teach One, Kill One [2.03]

    Doug: What can I say about Mark Greene that hasn't already been said? I think everybody knows how he overcame adversity as a child of Quakers, his years in exile, his political writings and limericks, his mod period with the turtlenecks, his blue period and of course, his ruthless march to power and the silencing of his rivals.
    Haleh: I've known Mark Greene since he was a wet-behind-the-ears med student. He had the most beautiful curly blond hair, and so polite. All I'd do was ask and he would be cleaning the bedpans and changing the sheets. He was the best scut-puppy I ever had.
    Wendy: So would you say that, back then, he was sort of "green"?
    Haleh: No, Wendy, I would never say that.
    Shep: [to Carol] You know what your problem is, Hathaway? You've been going out with too many doctors.
    Jerry: Dr. Lewis, can you do an employee physical?
    [[w:Susan Lewis|Susan: On who?
    Jerry: Randi.
    Susan: [to Randi] Breathe in. [Randi breaths in] Breathe out. [Randi breaths out] She's fine. Where's the form?
    Mark: An exciting case? Here's one: Guy comes in, hypovolemic shock. Defibrillated ten, fifteen times. We maxed out on lidocaine, added bretylium, finally shocked him back to sinus, goes bradycardic. So I float a transvenous pacemaker, get capture, he stops breathing. I had to climb on, intubate him cowboy-style right there on the table.
    Wendy: Wow.
    Mark: Man.
    Wendy: What happened?
    Mark: He died.

### What Life? [2.04]

    Dr. Hicks: [about Carter] Any words of wisdom for your student before he staples his first stomach, or have you done one of these before?
    Benton: No, no... I haven't.
    Mark: What does that mean, they may have a bed after seven? What, are they building it?
    Doug: [to Susan, about Weaver] If you're considering violence, count me in.

### And Baby Makes Two [2.05]

    Harper: What do you do after a day like today?
    Doug: I tend to drink, but I'm not the best role model.
    Loretta Sweet: I bet you see some stuff working here.
    Lydia: [referring to Loretta being a prostitute] Oh, like you don't.
    Loretta Sweet: At least my clients don't die on me...except for that one guy.
    Jerry: On that note, I bid you all a fond good eve. It has been a wonderful Weaver-less day.
    Randi: Is he single?
    Lydia: Yeah.

### Days Like This [2.06]

    Carter: [to Harper] Benton is in the foulest mood I have ever seen. And that's saying something.

### Hell and High Water [2.07]

    Mark: Did you get the job?
    Doug: 90 grand a year and nobody dies. Hallelujah, auf Wiedersehen, I'll see you around.
    Mark: [about Doom II, the game the ER staff is playing at the admit desk] I've done thoracotomies that were less bloody.
    Jerry [to Carol] He just doesn't understand the educational value.
    Mark: What's he doing on a news chopper?
    Jerry: [Jerry points to the TV] Hey look there's Doctor Ross.
    Malik: Turn up the volume.
    Wendy: Where's the remote?
    Mark: [speaks into the radio] Doug, do you read me?
    Doug: Mark, is that you?
    Mark: What are you doing?
    Doug: I got a 12-year-old with hypothermia. I gotta warm him up fast! I'm doing the best I can.
    Doug: He's in V-Fib!... Come on!
    Channel 5 Chopper Reporter: What are those paddles for Dr. Ross?
    Doug: Stabilize his beat. They didn't charge the battery!
    Mark: [Watching in the ER] Oh my God!
    Doug: GOD!
    [Doug screams in frustration]
    Doug: All right, I need your help. Turn the camera off... Turn the camera off!
    Mark: Doug, you're a mess. Go change into some scrubs.
    [Ross continues working]
    Mark: You're freezing. Go get some coffee and warm up.
    [Ross keep working]
    Mark: Hey! I need you here! Go change!
    Doug: [Doug starts to leave] I never should have put him on that damn chopper!

### The Secret Sharer [2.08]

    Mark: So, you can't take the fact that I'm your boss?
    Doug: Typically narcissistic of you, Mark. I can't take the fact that anyone's my boss.
    Shep: Pills are for people that don't really mean it.
    Carol: I really meant it.
    [she walks away]
    Shep: [laughs] Yeah, right.
    [he looks at Mark and then Doug who both say nothing]
    Mark: You're way outta line, Doug, go back to your patient.
    Doug: My patient is going to CT.
    Mark: No, he's not. This kid is going to CT now.
    Doug: Fine, then mine's going to the OR for an exploratory lap.
    Mark: Like hell he is, you are not putting a patient under the knife just tryin' to win a pissing contest.
    Doug: You're damn right, I'm not. I'm doing it so he doesn't bleed out while you tie up the CT for a skull fracture.
    Mark: Go home!
    Doug: What?
    Mark: I'm taking over your patient.
    Doug: What?
    Mark: And writing you up. Go home!

### Home [2.09]

    Benton: [to Carter] You have a hematoma on your neck.
    Dr. Vucelich: I think that's a hickey you have on your neck, Carter.
    Carter: Yep, yep...

### A Miracle Happens Here [2.10]

    [Carol is trying to convince everyone in the ER to go upstairs and join her in caroling for recovery, with no luck.]
    Carol: Well, you just mouth the words. That’s what I do.
    Susan: Well, who sings?
    Carol: Well, I’m working on that. [Carter walks by. Carol smiles, pleasantly] Carter!-
    Carter: No, no, no, no. Chronic tone deaf and acute stage fright.
    [Carol is alone in recovery now, caroling without any other ER docs- horribly.]
    Carol: On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....
    [All the other ER docs enter surprisingly and start singing.]
    Doug: 12 tone-deaf doctors.
    Mark: 11 lords a lording.
    Susan: 10 drummers drumming.
    Carter: 9 something, something.
    Lydia: 8 maids a milking.
    Malik: 7 swans a swatting.
    Harper: 6 geese a gagging.
    Everyone: 5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

### True Lies [2.12]

    Carol: Guess who's in the suture room? Come on, guess.
    Doug: We don't wanna guess.
    Carol: He's wearing a Catholic girl's outfit. Plaid skirt, ballet slippers, frilly blouse. David Morganstern ring a bell?
    Doug: Our David Morganstern?
    Carol: Knee socks, too.
    Susan: Somebody get a camera!
    Susan: Do you have anything to eat?
    Mark: I think there's some haggis left over.
    Susan: What's that?
    Mark: Don't ask...
    [Ruby is mad at Carter for lying to him about his wife]
    Carter: What do you want from me?
    Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: The truth!
    Carter: Fine, your wife is dying and she isn't leaving this hospital!
    Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: Thank you!
    [Ruby storms out]
    Carter: Ruby... I'm sorry.
    Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: Call me "Mr. Roubadoux!"

### It's Not Easy Being Greene [2.13]

    Doug: What are you doing here on your day off?
    Mark: I went for a jog and ended up here, and I figured I might as well save some lives.
    Doug: One other good reason not to exercise.
    Mark: Denial is a funny thing; it keeps you from asking the tough questions.
    Susan: What questions are those?
    Mark: Am I dangerous? Should I be practicing medicine?
    Susan: And the answers are: no and yes, in that order.
    Mark: I hope so. I lost my family for this job.
    Mark: I lost my family for this job.
    Doug: Boy, are you arrogant! There's you and the Pope. You guys are infallible. And then there's the rest of us.
    Mark: Well, as of today, the Pope's on his own.
    Carol: Hey, what happened to those worms in radiology?
    Susan: They're doing a consult.
    Carol: No, no, those earthworms. I put a bucket of earthworms in there and they're gone.

### The Right Thing [2.14]

    Carter: [at the funeral] Mr. Rubadoux, I'm very sorry about your wife. I made a mistake. Not in the way I treated her, but in the way I treated you. I wasn't honest, wasn't fair. I was wrong and I am very, very sorry.
    Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: This day isn't about you, Mr. Carter.
    Susan: [to Carter] You know, when you first got here, we were a little concerned about you. You seemed to care too much. We're not worried about that anymore. What happened to you, Carter?

### Baby Shower [2.15]

    Connie: I'm heading upstairs.
    Doug: Can we watch?
    Carol: My God. Connie, haven't you had that baby yet?
    Connie: Oh, you won't have me to make fun of after today.
    Carol: Thought you were working up to your due date.
    Connie: I have, and then some. Doc's gonna induce if nothing happens by Monday. I'm going up to OB for a non-stress test. I feel like a damn elephant.
    Doug: An elephant's gestation period is two years.
    Connie: Oh, shut your mouth.
    Jerry: Chuny, you were on yesterday. Tell Dr. Ross Scottie Pippen was in here.
    Chuny: Oh, yeah and so were Jordan and Rodman. Jerry and Conni and I beat them three-on-three.
    Anna: I didn't think it would be so hard.
    Mark: That's why they call it labor.

### The Healers [2.16]

    Doug: [to his dad] I was standing there, Ray. It was 7:30, and you were supposed to be there. I was standing there. Where were you? You were exactly where you have always been your entire life: someplace else!
    Doug: Randi, you meet a cute guy for the first time. What do you do?
    Randi: Run a credit check.
    Doug: Is that the mother from the fire?
    Mark: Yeah, I think so.
    Doug: It should have been her airway. I would have let her suffocate.

### The Match Game [2.17]

    Susan Wait a minute! I thought your eyes were brown.
    Mark: For an extra 15 bucks, they can be blue.
    Mark: You know, I thought I read somewhere that women find baldness a sign of virility.
    Iris: [laughs] Who told you that? Some bald guy?
    Jerry: Hot date?
    Mark: Just a couple of single guys hanging out.
    Doug: So, we'll leave around 8 o'clock for a 9 o'clock set?
    Jerry: You know, I'm not doing anything tonight.
    Doug: Really, Jerry? Good, because there's a great game on TV.

### A Shift in the Night [2.18]

    Mark: So, Carter, you having fun paying your penance in the ER?
    Carter: Ha. I'm off Surgical Service. I'm working nights in the ER. What's not to be happy about? Still, it is better than not graduating. I thought Dr. Hicks might suspend me.
    Mark: Believe me, she would if she could.
    Carter: I can't believe I was that stupid, sneaking off and drinking on call.
    Mark: I can. You're a medical student.
    Jerry: [about Mark] Do you think he's lost his grip on reality?
    Carol: No, I think he's having fun.
    Mark: Where the hell have you been? We have a double trauma, and you don't even respond?
    Benton: I was closing on a [w:Mesentery|mesenteric]] [w:infarction|]].
    Mark: Yeah, with how many other residents who could've closed for you?
    Benton: Well, it was my surgery. I was busy.
    Mark: No, no Peter. Down there is busy. In there is busy. In there is where we ignore everything else. I ignore my patients for in there. I ignore my child for in there, my marriage for in there. Don't ever pull this again!

### Fire in the Belly [2.19]

    Dr. Hicks: [to Carter] Congratulations, Mr. Carter, on your first toothpick-ectomy.

### Fevers of Unknown Origin [2.20]

    Randi: I don't believe in divorce.
    Mark: I always suspected you were an old-fashioned girl.
    Randi: I don't believe in marriage either.

### Take These Broken Wings [2.21]

    [Kerry agrees to go with Mark’s recommendations for Susan for chief resident only if Mark agrees to go with Kerry for the attending position.]
    Kerry: So you really think Susan Lewis would make a good chief resident?
    Mark: Yes, I do. [Kerry leaves]
    Connie: What was that about?
    Mark: I think I just sold my soul to the devil.
    Susan: I always knew you loved your children. I just never realized how much you fell in love with them. Little Susie was like a storybook, one you never wanted to put down. Every smile was some new page to be poured over, studied, touched, remembered. I loved my storybook. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel alone.
    Susan: The healers are always taught to move on.

### John Carter, M.D. [2.22]

    Lydia: What do you call the person that finishes last in med school?
    Carter: What?
    Lydia: Doctor.
    Benton: Look, Carter, you were my assigned med student. I was your assigned resident. You don't owe me anything, okay?
    Benton: Now you're the doctor. You graduated, right?
    Carter: Yeah, that's right, I am. It's kind of weird. I... don't know any more than I knew this morning. I really wanted to graduate, too. Well... Anyway...
    Benton: You take care of yourself, Carter.