# The Nostalgia Critic/Season 17

The Nostalgia Critic: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
Quotes from the 17th season of The Nostalgia Critic, which aired in 2024.

### Aladdin

    [Jasmine's breasts bounce up and down as she backs away from Jafar]
    Nostalgia Critic: Somebody had way too much fun animating that moment.
    Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!
    [Jasmine and Aladdin are watching a parade in China; note that Lea Salonga is the singing voice for both Jasmine and Mulan]
    Jasmine: It's all so magical.
    Aladdin: Yeah.
    Nostalgia Critic: You can see me also singing for Mulan down there.
    [Jasmine, in a sexy slave outfit, is seducing Jafar]
    Jasmine: I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
    Nostalgia Critic: She's 15. [shows Simpsons clip of everyone spitting in shock] It's all just lines, they always get an adult to play her, I don't think anyone cares, nobody's going to change their porn now.

### Jumanji

    [The focus of the film shifts from Alan and Sarah to Judy and Peter]
    Nostalgia Critic: I guess the movie got sick of those two kids, so here's two brand new ones.
    [Judy uses a barcode scanner to blind Van Pelt, set to epic music]
    Nostalgia Critic: Apparently that was the triumphant "no sale" scene. Guess the music really thought everyone was going to be talking about that moment.

### Superman

    Lex Luthor: [displaying his map] Marina del Lex. Otisburg. [realizes Otis wrote on the map] Otisburg?
    Otis: Miss Teschmacher, she's got her own place.
    Lex Luthor: Otisburg?
    Nostalgia Critic: I'd visit Otisburg. I hear the pig's quite good.
    Nostalgia Critic: And then it gets dumb. Yeah you all know what's coming. Easily the worst part of the movie: Superman spins the Earth in reverse and causes time to move backwards. There's a million reasons why this doesn't work. Some say he could always do it but didn't because it would interrupt in human affairs. Well what, he hasn't already? And what, he couldn't do this a million times before then? In fact, is that really a good ethical code? [Shows the earlier funeral scene for Superman's father] "All those powers and I couldn't save him... Oh wait, I can now!" Like what so he doesn't have to live with his humanity? But okay okay, let's say the death of Lois was what gave him the extra adrenaline to do this trick, like it's a one time thing. Did he stop the extra missile? The gas station still blew up and he saved Jimmy from the dam, but the earthquake didn't happen? And let's say he did. Is there just another Superman flying around that stopped that missile? What happens to him? [shows two alternate Supermen together] Does he just go out to him and act like "Who are you?" "Oh I'm you from a timeline where Lois dies." "Oh is she okay?" "Well she is now." "Well what happens to me?" "Well you die." [alternate Superman explodes] There can be only one.

### Superman II

    Zod: A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished. No style at all.
    Nostalgia Critic: Okay, I'll just say it: I'm fairly okay with this guy ruling Earth.
    [Superman somehow erases Lois's memories by kissing her]
    Nostalgia Critic: But as I've said in the past, he could literally stop a super villain in their tracks by just kissing them and making him forget who they are.
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Lex Luthor] Superman. Allow me to explain my evil plot. [Superman kisses him] Who the hell am I?
    Nostalgia Critic: And don't lie, a really weird messed up part of your brain, even if it was just for a second, thought of that too. And no Superman movie should be making you think that, even if it's just for a second.

### Superman III

    [The opening credits rise at awkward angles across the ground]
    Nostalgia Critic: To hell with those epic opening titles in space. This sequel opens literally walking over the names of Superman and Richard Pryor. Can't get more fitting than that.

### The Land Before Time

    Nostalgia Critic: This is going to look weird without a Roman numeral next to it. We made 14 of these?!
    [Shows the numerous Land Before Time sequels, then a clip from Liar Liar superimposed with the Universal logo]
    Fletcher: How do you sleep at night?!
    [After Littlefoot's mother dies]
    Nostalgia Critic: Oh, better get that spring song from Bambi ready!
    Petrie: I flied?
    Ducky: No, you falled.
    Petrie: I falled!
    Nostalgia Critic: I'm afraid if I can't fly, the only other thing to survive is a cockroach [shows Digit from An American Tail, which Will Ryan also voiced] and I don't want to evolve into that!

### Happy Feet

    Nostalgia Critic: The film also does a good job letting you know what penguins have to go through to survive. I mean if they didn't learn how to tap dance, they wouldn't have landed so many film roles in the 60s.
    [Shows the penguins from Mary Poppins; Cut to a scene that's overly epic for a kid's movie]
    Noah The Elder: Give praise to the great 'Guin, who puts songs in our hearts and fish in our bellies!
    Nostalgia Critic: I don't know, just... Was this the vibe you were getting when you saw the advertisements for this?
    Miss Viola: Yes, I like that one! I could really get jiggy with that.
    Nostalgia Critic: As timeless as most of this movie is, every once in a while likes to advertise how 1997 it is, despite it coming out in 2006.
    Nostalgia Critic: [chanting loudly as Noah] MOST UNORTHODOX! Even Mumble and his father seem to make amends, as people come over the mountain to see the amazing happy feet before them.
    Human #1: You see, first there was one, and now there's thousands of them.
    Human #2: Are they trying to tell us something?
    Nostalgia Critic: They're trying to say "moicendisin', moichendisin'!" [while quoting Yogurt, images of various Happy Feet merchandise appear next to him]

### Return to Never Land

    [The film opens with a pop version of "Second Star to the Right"]
    Nostalgia Critic: Oh you just lost a second star right there with that pop song. [his 3 star review gets downgraded to 2 stars] Yeah that's sadly one of the most jarring things about this sequel. The songs aren't timeless like the original, but rather the most 2002 thing you can get. The only soundtrack more 2002 would be Britney Spears's movie Crossroads, and the only reason I say that is because it beat this movie at the box office, so going that direction didn't work anyway.
    Captain Hook: Home to my dear sweet mother. [shows a picture of a female version of Captain Hook]
    Nostalgia Critic: I love it because you have to ask the question: did he dress up like that for the picture to trick her or does his mother actually have a mustache and two hooks? Either answer is hilarious.
    Nostalgia Critic: Again, I like the idea that boys are tricking her to save Tink's life while she's tricking them to try and get home. I'm pretty sure there's no characters in Neverland who actually tell the truth. This also leads to the only song actually sung by any of the characters.
    ["So to Be One of Us" is sung badly by the child actors]
    Nostalgia Critic: You know, maybe there's just not meant to be songs in this movie.

### Joshua and the Promised Land

    Chris: Just hold your breath a second. This isn't going to hurt.
    Nostalgia Critic: How are you naturally saying so many creepy things without trying?
    Moses: [flatly] No. No!
    Nostalgia Critic: That sounded like two of the in-between nose of Christopher Walken watching Country Bear Hall be crushed! [shows scene] No I take it back. It's the first "no" he gave just warming up and the last "no" he gave giving it his all, back to back, not working together in the most spectacular way.

### Treasure Planet

    Delbert Doppler: All my life I've been waiting for an opportunity like this and here it is screaming "Go Delbert! Go Delbert!"
    Frasier: You have to get out more.
    Nostalgia Critic: That wasn't even a thing people in '02 did! That was the thing people in '92 did... or '91? '90? I never knew anyone who did this.
    Nostalgia Critic: Silver says he's going to keep a close eye on Jim as we listen to... ["I'm Still Here" plays] that classic 18th century in space 2002 music. Okay so like I said, while the 1700 stuff mixed with sci-fi sometimes works sometimes doesn't, the 2002 stuff really doesn't work and is crazy distracting.
    Nostalgia Critic: [Jim gets a uniform and his mom's hands are weirdly animated] Hawkins finally looks like a character who would exist in this world, his mother's hands look really weird for some reason, and we end on this horrifying image. [the clouds show John Silver smiling creepily] Remember to see Shrek or we'll kill you.

### The Incredibles

    Syndrome: You sly dog! You got me monologuing. I can't believe it.
    Nostalgia Critic: I thought only supervillains and YouTube critics did that! [shows himself]
    Nostalgia Critic: [on Elastigirl's famous butt scene] I'm just going to assume there's a lot of images of that online... [shows images] There are. The internet's going to internet.
    Syndrome: You married Elastigirl? Whoa! And got busy!
    Nostalgia Critic: First PG Pixar movie too.

### Flushed Away

    Nostalgia Critic: [realizing Hugh Jackman and Ian McKellen are in this movie] And because I know you're just waiting for me to make a Wolverine and Magneto joke...
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Toad, showing a stop motion armature] That remarkable metal doesn't run through your entire body, does it?
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Roddy] No, I'm CG.
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Toad] Oh right.
    Nostalgia Critic: Rita has a way to get out of their predicament.
    Rita: There's a paper clip in my back pocket. See if you can get it. [Roddy sticks his hand in the wrong place] In the pocket, in the pocket!
    Nostalgia Critic: Okay, this movie is literally giving a rat's ass to give us that rat's ass. And they escape with a ruby that she says originally belonged to her father.
    Roddy: There are things I want to do, sights I want to see! [accidentally pulls down her pants] That wasn't on the list.
    Nostalgia Critic: Okay, I'm feeling better about my Gadget joke earlier, because somebody was clearly working through something with this.

### Charlotte's Web

    Nostalgia Critic: [on Charlotte's design] While this is nowhere near the creepiest spider anyone's seen, it reminds me of that Simpsons where Homer suddenly wants to keep a lobster as a pet because he sees him as cute while no one else does. I feel like this is what the filmmakers saw [shows Homer's fantasy lobster, then the actual lobster] and this is what half the audience saw.
    Templeton: Good things come to those who find it and shove it in their mouth.
    Nostalgia Critic: Is nobody else hearing this?

### Megamind

    Roxanne: Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Can I go home now?
    Nostalgia Critic: I think I'm guess say that whenever an internet battle over... anything happens. But to Megamind's surprise, Metro Man admits his secret weakness is copper. So he's unable to escape and he's blown up with a death ray. [Metro Man's skeleton is shown] I hate how every bit of advertising gave away he's not really dead. Even the IMDb shows he's fine. Because otherwise this would be one of my favorite dark fake outs.
    Megamind: Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy anymore.
    Nostalgia Critic: Yeah how about that? A DreamWorks plot that sounds similar to another film this year that's NOT Disney! [Shows Despicable Me (2010), then Antz and A Bug's Life (1998)]

### A Bug's Life

    Nostalgia Critic: [showing the "Liar Revealed" TV Tropes page] By the way, did you know "Liar Revealed" is the official term for it now? I always just called it that cuz I couldn't think of something better, but now it's the actual name of this awful cliche.
    Sonic: Neat.
    [The ants try to fire Hopper from a cannon]
    Nostalgia Critic: I mean, he can fly, so?

### ParaNorman

    Prenderghast: Swear!
    Norman: Y-you mean like the F word?
    Nostalgia Critic: Hey, on YouTube I don't even think you can say the letter F!
    Perry: He's probably up there right now fiddling with his Ouija.
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Norman] How'd you know that's what I call being in my bedroom alone?

### Paddington

    Nostalgia Critic: [as this movie heavily features marmalade] We're going to make parents hate this product due to so many kids demanding it after this movie. It'll almost match the pet clownfish genocide from the year of Nemo.
    Nostalgia Critic: Also I don't know how they're doing it, but they are somehow constantly making the word "bear" funny.
    Thief: Some kind of tiny police bear.

### Rise of the Guardians

    Santa Claus: You were with Pitch? [pronounced like "bitch"]
    Nostalgia Critic: We are all hearing the same word, right? It sounds like he was distracted by a one night stand.
    Pippa: Forget it, Jamie. There's just no Easter this year.
    Nostalgia Critic: [as Pippa] Jesus is a lie. Now let's go back to our snow filled April.

### Barbie in the Nutcracker

    Major Mint: I don't have time to search for some sugar pie... [blabbers]
    Nostalgia Critic: This guy's entire performance is just Count Olaf going [blabbers]
    Nostalgia Critic: [on the cheap animation] They eventually find the Sugar Plum Palace and man, these effects are looking flat. [the palace is revealed to be flat cardboard] Oh, you used your cheapness to your advantage. Well played.