# Reba (TV series)

Reba is an American sitcom starring Reba McEntire which ran from 2001 to 2007 about a woman whose life is thrown upside down when she finds out her husband of 20 years has decided to divorce her after getting his dental hygienist, - who's half her age - pregnant. Her life is thrown in a further whirlwind when her 17-year-old daughter also falls pregnant by her high school boyfriend. The show aired on The WB for the first five years and the final season aired on the CW network.

## Opening theme

* My roots are planted in the past And though my life is changing fast Who I am is who I wanna be A single mom who works two jobs Who loves her kids and never stops With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter I'm a survivor

## Season 1
### Pilot [1.01]

    Dr. Peters: Okay, why don't we begin with the custody arrangements?
    Cheyenne: Oh, I wanna live with Dad.
    Jake: I wanna stay with Mom.
    Kyra: Is boot camp an option?
    Kyra: Barbra Jean's pregnant?!
    Jake: I thought Cheyenne was pregnant!
    Cheyenne: Shut up, Jake!
    Kyra: Back off. He's just a stupid kid.
    Jake: I'm not stupid. She left the pregnancy test in the trash can.
    Reba: Why is it we're the only house in Texas without a gun?
    Kyra: So when Daddy marries Barbra Jean, what am I supposed to call her anyway?
    Reba: You're not supposed to call her anything, when you see her at the Wal-Mart, just point to her and say, "There she is. The woman who stole my daddy."
    Brock: Reba, I have to marry her!
    Reba: Have to? The only reason you'd have to marry her is-- Oh my God!
    Cheyenne: Dad! How could you!?
    Kyra: Don't worry, Mom, I know all about birth control.
    Reba: Oh, really? And what age is it appropriate for a young lady to become sexually active?
    Kyra: 40.
    Reba: Have I mentioned you're my favorite?
    Barbra Jean: There she is, the mother of the bride.
    Reba: (crying) You were only supposed to bring the ice.
    Reba: Momma's got a dark side
    Cheyenne: Getting married is so much fun! We should have done this in our junior year!
    Reba: No, honey you were smart to wait.

### The Honeymoon’s Over Or Now What [1.02]

    Barbra Jean: God created women to carry babies and men to carry footballs.
    (Everyone turns and looks at Brock)
    Dr. Susan Peters: You are just precious.
    Reba: My parents gave this pillow to Brock and me for our third aniversary.
    Kyra: Well, we know it's not a magic pillow.
    Cheyenne: I need to wear something that says: "Mrs. Montgomery."
    Kyra: How about a t-shirt that says: "I'm with Stupid?"
    Reba: Nothing says eternal love like the pooka.
    Reba [to Cheyenne]: So how are you doing in here?
    Cheyenne: Good, Van fell between the beds, once when we weren't even doing anything!
    Reba: I really gotta stop asking questions...
    Van: It doesn't matter where we sleep just as long as I'm with my wife.
    Cheyenne: My husband.
    Kyra: My lunch.
    Reba [to Brock]: When you knocked up your hygienist, you lost the right to touch my muffins!

### Someone’s At the Gyno With Reba [1.03]

    (Jake is playing with a uterus model at the gynecologist's office)
    Brock: Jake, put that down. The uterus is not a toy.
    (After Cheyenne didn't say anything about how Van decorated the room)
    Kyra: Well, that sucked!
    Reba: Tell me about it!
    Cheyenne: (as she opens the fridge, which is full of food) There is like nothing in here!
    Cheyenne: Do you think Dad would care about what kind of bedspread is on the bed?!
    Reba: It's obvious that your father doesn't care about what's on his bed!

### You Make Me Sick [1.04]

    Van [to Cheyenne]: I want you to stop vomiting.
    Cheyenne: If I could control it I'd do it on you right now.
    Van: Coach said B.J. was only sick for one day and do you know why that is?
    Cheyenne: I don't know, something to do with Jesus?
    Reba: There's no teenage orgy on our lawn. There's a couple frisky squirrels but I just tell Jake they're dancing.
    Jake: Mom, singing's lame.

### The Steaks Are High [1.05]

    Reba (looks at her watch): It's 5:00 AM, somebody better whack me with a mallet.
    Van: See...Mrs. H, I'm "Player of the Week."
    Reba: So I heard...Ungawa
    Reba (after agreeing to Van's plea that she host the team's steak dinner): Boy he sure makes it hard to say no.
    Cheyenne (smiling suggestively): Tell me about it.
    Kyra: Mom, you hold them down and I'll whack them with the mallet!
    Cheyenne: It's Marci & Luanne. They're on the drill team.
    Kyra: Mom, you hold them down and I'll whack them with the mallet!

### The Man and the Moon [1.06]

    Brock: Why is your blouse all wet?
    Reba: I entered a wet blouse contest.
    Cheyenne: What if the baby logs on one day and sees this?
    Reba: Don't worry. By the time the baby is old enough to log on, there will be a whole new crop of butts out there.

### Tea and Antipathy [1.07]

    Cheyenne: Mom, you rolled Van's socks into a ball.
    Reba: What am I supposed to do with them? Make puppets?
    Cheyenne: He likes them folded, otherwise they droop.
    Reba: Things droop, Cheyenne. You'll learn that in life.
    Reba: Van's mom never sits at the table. She might accidentally eat something.
    Reba: [to Cheyenne] I have an idea, why don't you go shopping and pick up your husband's special milk?
    Cheyenne: [laughing] I'm a married woman now. I don't have time to go grocery shopping.

### Don't Know Much About History [1.08]

    Reba: [to Van] Let me help you study.
    Van: It won't help, Mrs. H.
    Reba: Let's give it a try. Let me see that. Well, I can see the trouble started early. You spelled your name wrong.
    Van: Shoot! I knew that one!
    Reba: Life doesn't always turn out the way you thought it would. I always thought I'd be a singer.
    Brock: Who fought the War of 1812?
    Van: Soldiers.
    Brock: Which soldiers?
    Van: I have to know their names!?
    Cheyenne: No, which country?
    Van: Oh! I have no idea.

### Every Picture Tells a Story [1.09]

    Reba: Kyra, Cheyenne just felt the baby move.
    Kyra: It's probably just gas.
    Cheyenne: I don't get gas.
    Kyra: We shared a room.
    Reba: Lori Ann Garner!
    Lori Ann: Reba Las Vegas!
    Lori Ann: [to Reba] Catch me up. How's the divorce going?
    Reba: Well, right now we're at the "dissolution of property" stage.
    Lori Ann: Two words of advice: kill him. I took Robert for everything he had.
    Reba: And he deserved it, sleeping with your housekeeper.
    Lori Ann: No, That was John, husband number two. I kinda miss him and so does my housekeeper.
    Van: [to Cheyenne] I told you I'm not going maternity shopping again. Those women look at me like they know what I did.
    Cheyenne: But I need clothes that make it clear I'm pregnant, not fat.

### When Good Credit Goes Bad [1.10]

    Reba: Brock, you can't be married to two women at the same time. They even made a law about it!
    Brock: See, my lawyer told me about this form that you can sign, saying that I can get married before our divorce is actually final.
    Reba: You want me to sign a permission slip for bigamy?
    Brock: [to Reba] I know that Barbra Jean asking you to be the maid of honor was a little much, but we do need someone to sing.
    Reba: I don't think you'd like the song I'd pick.

### Meet the Parents [1.11]

    Van: It's a heart keychain?
    Cheyenne: It's because you hold the key to my heart.
    Reba: [to Brock] If you don't come over, my parents are going to think there's something wrong with this family!
    Kyra: Hello?

### A Mid-Semester's Night Dream [1.12]

    Mrs. Hodge: The policy of this school has always been that sex doesn't exist.
    Reba: How's that working for you?
    Brock: Reba, how could you start working without consulting me?!
    Reba: Excuse me, aren't we getting a divorce?
    Brock: I just don't like the idea about turning Kyra and Jake into latchkey kids.
    Reba: [to Kyra] I smell your influence here.
    Kyra: It was latchkey that gave it away, wasn't it?

### Brock's Swan Song [1.13]

    Reba: Where is John D now?
    Brock: Oh, I don't know, Reba. I'm not a religious man.
    Barbara Jean: [to Jake] Do you miss your grandpa?
    Jake: I don't really remember him.
    Barbara Jean: That's okay. You'll meet him again someday.
    Jake: How?
    Barbara Jean: Well, when you die, you'll go to Heaven and meet other people who have died. Everyone from Adam and Eve to Frank Sinatra!

### The Story of a Divorce [1.14]

    Lori Ann: [to Reba] Here's one. Pilot. Looks great in a uniform. It'll be a chance for you to join the mile high club!
    Reba: I'm already a member.
    Lori Ann: Married, dead, gay, gay, gay...
    Reba: Three of them are gay?
    Lori Ann: No, just the one, but he came out in a big way.

### You May Kick the Bride [1.15]

    Reba: Brock, I'm the ex-wife. "Ex" as in, "ex"-cuse me, I'm not interested.
    Jake: [to BJ] You look like a giant marshmallow!
    Cheyenne [while talking about BJ]: She says the bow is supposed draw attention away from the baby.
    Reba: I'm sorry, did you say something? I couldn't take my eyes off that bow.

### Vanny Dearest [1.16]

    Sue Montgomery: Vanny!
    Van: Mommy!
    Cheyenne: Shoot me.
    Cheyenne: Look at this. You can actually have a baby underwater.
    Van: I hear whales do that.
    Cheyenne: Was that a slam?

### He's Having a Baby [1.17]

    Reba: Where was that man when we were married? What were we? Your practice family?
    Maya: [to Van] Didn't you have a different Mommy last time?
    Reba: His Mommy has a paper due. I'm his Mommy's Mommy.

### Labor of Love [1.19]

    Brock: [to Reba] Dear Lord, we have to get to the hospital before she names that baby Jesus.
    Barbra Jean: I think my water broke.
    Reba: Oh, no! You're sitting on my purse!

### The King and I [1.20]

    Reba: So the priest left during confession?
    Lori Ann: All I said was that he had nice eyes!
    Reba: You are a desperate, desperate woman.
    Brock: Look on the bright side. It's prom night and we don't have to worry about our daughter getting pregnant.

### Up a Treehouse Without a Paddle [1.21]

    Reba: You do know that you conceived this child when Brock and I were still married.
    Barbra Jean: I don't mind.
    Cheyenne: I wore two different shoes to school today because I can't see my feet. [everyone laughs]
    Reba: Okay, that's not funny.
    Kyra: Not as funny as watching her get out of a chair. [everyone starts laughing again]
    Van [after getting hit in the crotch with a board] Okay, that's only funny if you're expecting it...

### It Ain't Over Until The Redhead Sings [1.22]

    Reba: This is Cheyenne and Van's graduation day!
    Kyra: This is me gagging on Cheyenne and Van's graduation day!
    Cheyenne: I'm a mommy.
    Van: I'm a daddy.
    Kyra: You two sure catch on fast.

## Season 2
### House Rules [2.01]

    Reba: What kind of a moron can't make toast?
    Brock: I want you to apologize to Barbra Jean.
    Reba: Hold on a second. [goes outside and looks up]
    Brock: What are you doing?
    Reba: Checking for flying pigs.

### Skating Away [2.02]

    Van: Mrs. H., you have to maintain a "C"- average. Who do you think I am, Albert Weinstein?
    Reba: Van, I think you mean Albert Einstein.
    Van: No, I mean Albert Weinstein. He was the smart kid in the senior class. [sarcastically] Wow, Einstein!
    Reba: [to Kyra] We'll skate, we'll play Candy Land, we'll go down to the river and shoot rats if you want.

### Proud Reba [2.03]

    Reba: Well, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get a job. [everyone laughs; Reba has a serious look on her face]
    Cheyenne: Oh, you were serious?

### Reba Works for Brock [2.04]

    Kyra: Mom, what's with the smiley face sticker?
    Reba: Don't ask.
    Brock: You know, Barbara Jean wants this to work out more than anyone. She considers you a friend.
    Reba: Why?! Why does she like me so much!
    Brock: Everyone likes you, Reba. That's your curse.
    Reba: Look, Brock, I'm just trying to do my job. So, your 3:00 teeth cleaning is waiting on you, at 4:00, you got a root canal and at 7:00, you should have sex with your wife. Coffee?
    Brock: D-did you just say what I think you said??
    Reba: Well, I must have, my whole mouth just went numb!

### It's Jake's Party, Cry if You Want to [2.05]

    Kyra: I thought you said Barbra Jean is where brain cells go when they die.
    Reba [to Cheyenne] Hey. I brought you a corner piece.
    Cheyenne: I don't feel like eating cake right now.
    Reba: [sits down next to Cheyenne] But you always like a corner piece. I remember when you were little...
    Cheyenne: My baby is crying, Mom. [A tear falls down her cheek]
    Reba: Oh, I thought that was Van.
    Reba: Cheyenne, I know this is tough.
    Cheyenne: Really you do??
    Reba: Yeah, sweetie. I do. I remember sitting outside your door fretting the same way, but I knew in my heart it was the best thing for you.
    Cheyenne: Well, it doesn't feel right in my heart. You know all these things that are supposed to be the right things to do, in the morning when I leave her to go to school, when I come home and she's already in bed, and when I have to study French Philosophy instead of playing peek-a-boo with her, well, they just don't feel right, Mom. Not to me.

### Safe Dating [2.06]

    Van: What's up with the teenager?
    Reba: I don't know, she's been awful moody lately. I can't figure out why.
    Van: Thirteen-year-old girl, could be anything. School, friends, stock market.
    Greg: Greg Hewitt, Dylan's father.
    Reba: Reba Hart, Kyra's nightmare.
    Kyra: [to Reba about Dylan] I don't like him anymore. He's a huge crybaby. At first I thought he was sensitive, but he's a huge crybaby. He cries at the drop of a hat. I mean literally he dropped his hat and burst into tears.

### Mommy Nearest [2.07]

    Reba: Barbra Jean, get out of my house.
    Reba: I bet he cried! Did he cry like a little school girl?
    Barbra Jean: More like whimpers really. [makes whimpering sounds]

### Switch [2.08]

    Brock: [about Reba dating again] Actually, I think you should do it.
    Reba and Lori Ann: What!?
    Brock: Yeah, it's been long enough. You deserve to be happy.
    Reba: So, you two agree that I should go out?
    Brock and Lori Ann: Yeah.
    Reba: Well, if you two agree on something, then maybe I should do it!
    Kyra: [about babysitting Jake] It's not fair! Why can't you babysit Jake?! I mean, you're married with a kid. I still have a life!
    Cheyenne: What is the big deal? I used to babysit you all the time!
    Kyra: Yeah, right! You used to stick me in my room while you sat on the couch making out with your boyfriend!
    Cheyenne: [smiles] Oh, right!

### Ring-a-Ding [2.09]

    Kyra: Hurry up and open the door. I want to meet my new daddy.
    Reba: I don't think people should ring-a-ding to see if they fall in love. I think people should ring-a-ding because they're already in love.
    Brock: Kyra, we are not leaving!
    Kyra: Why don't you just give me the room key and I'll go watch the moving picture box.
    Cheyenne: Mom, you can relax. You have a great body.
    Reba: Oh, well, this is an awkward mother-daughter moment.
    Cheyenne [to Reba] Mom, don't worry. I'm sure he thinks you look great naked.
    Reba: I think your father is ready to go! [starts pushing Cheyenne through the door]
    Cheyenne: What are you so freaked out about? We can talk about stuff like his.
    Reba: Cheyenne, stop! This is none of your business. You are my child, not my girlfriend. I appreciate your interest and that you think Brian has a "hot" body, but this isn't something I'm comfortable talking to you about.
    Cheyenne: Mom, I may be your daughter, but I am also a married woman. I think this is great as long as you two are being careful. You are being careful, right?
    Reba: Cheyenne! Yes! Very careful! 100% fool-proof careful!
    Cheyenne: Oh. I just thought...
    Reba: No!
    Cheyenne: Not even a little bit?
    Reba: I don't fully understand that question, but no.

### Cookies for Santa [2.10]

    Reba: [to Brock] I didn't buy a bike, you butt!
    Barbra Jean: What can I do?
    Reba: Well, you can stand out on the front porch and monitor the weather.

### A Moment in Time [2.11]

    Reba: Don't worry about Kyra. She's at that age where she doesn't want to be part of the family anymore. You hit that age at about 40, right, Brock?
    Brock: Reba, you're making a big mistake.
    Reba: Said the man who married Barbra Jean.
    Barbra Jean: Wow. The last time I was video-taped in a bedroom, I didn't know about it.

### The Rings [2.12]

    Reba: You gave Cheyenne a beautiful ring.
    Van: Even better. I gave her a love for inexpensive jewelry!
    Barbra Jean: Brock got me this engagement ring. I think some old lady died and it's an antiquity.
    Reba: Barbara jean that's my engagement ring!
    Kyra: Wearing an engagement ring from a ruined marriage? That's like wearing the clothes of a dead person.

### The Vasectomy [2.13]

    Reba: Which is why you are going to find a 30-page essay named "Teenagers having babies is stupid, stupid, stupid."
    Kyra: It's a shame that speedy isn't going to greet you at the door anymore.
    Reba: [opens the door] Barbra Jean? Have you been standing here?
    Barbra Jean: Yes! For 30 minutes.
    Reba: Okay. [closes the door]

### Location, Location, Location [2.23]

    Reba: I crushed her dream of going to England, then I threw up a cookie.
    Reba: Kyra! It's not funny that you're going to England. It's exciting! And all that because you are a good student and you like drinking tea.
    Reba: [to Cheyenne] Do you know what I'm doing? I'm making macaroni and cheese. Do you know why I'm making macaroni and cheese? Because it's Kyra's favorite, and somehow I have to tell her that she doesn't get to go on a trip that she wants and deserves to go on because I have to bail you out again. And I have to do that with macaroni and cheese!
    Cheyenne: Mom, I promise I'll take all the courses that I dropped.
    Reba: Why don't you find a course that gets your head out of your butt?
    Van: I don't think they have one or else my counselor would've told me about it.

### Your Place or Mine? [2.24]

    Reba: I'm looking for my gun. Did you know that you can see Barbra Jean's house from here?
    Reba: You know, Barbra Jean, you don't have to lean through my window. You can get completely off my property.
    Reba: So that's why you bought a four-bedroom house! So Kyra could move in!
    Brock: No! We needed a room for Henry.
    Barbra Jean: And I'm thinking of turning the spare bedroom into a library!
    Reba: Well, that'll be one lonely book!

## Season 3
### Sister Act [3.16]

    Reba: Did that seem weird to you?
    Barbra Jean: Yeah, why?
    Reba: Because Kyra faked being sick. She's never faked being sick before! She's faked being well cause she wants to go to school!
    Barbra Jean: Wow, I am so easily fooled. I wonder if those kids are really blind. You know, I think some of them are just lazy.
    Barbara Jean: It's always the bullies, or the jocks, or preps. The nerds aren't all that friendly, either!
    Reba (to Kyra, ignoring Barbra Jean): How long has this been going on?
    Barbra Jean: My whole life!
    Reba: Kyra, why would you hit someone?
    Cheyenne: It's how she shows affection!
    Kyra: Yeah, that's right. Why don't come over here for a hug?
    Brock: Kyra, when things get tough, you have to stick with them. (Reba gives him a look) WELL, AT LEAST I DIDN'T HIT ANYONE!
    Reba: Kyra! What did this girl do to make you snap?
    Kyra: SHE CALLED CHEYENNE A SLUT! She called Cheyenne a slut, so I punched her, okay?
    Cheyenne: Oh my gosh. My psycho sister loves me!
    Barbra Jean: Kyra, there are two ways you can deal with bullies: You can either hide in a bush till they forget about you, or you can buy them presents. Oh, that reminds me, Reba, I picked you up something nice at the mall.
    Barbra Jean: No, you can't talk to her teacher! Otherwise, you'll be smashed into a locker with chalk up your nose and duct tape in your hair!
    Brock: Oh honey, I'm sorry. I wish I could've been there to protect you.
    Reba: Except you were 34.
    Cheyenne: So she didn't call me a slut?
    Kyra: No, she called you a slut, a loser, and a teenage baby-machine.
    Cheyenne: You could have just said yes!
    Cheyenne: It takes one to know one, except I'm not one, but if I was one, then she would have to be one too.
    Kyra: (about going shopping with Cheyenne) Mom, I have something to confess, and if you ever tell anyone, I'll deny it and I'll never tell you anything again.
    Reba: What?
    Kyra: I actually had a good time with her! (covers her mouth in surprise)
    Cheyenne: So what did you like most about talking to me?
    Kyra: All the words you mispronounced.
    Kyra (to Cheyenne): All the times you weren't hugging me. I actually liked talking to you. (Cheyenne goes forward to hug Kyra) All the times you WEREN'T hugging me!

### Core Focus [3.22]
## Season 4
### Hello, My Name is Cheyenne [4.22]

    Cheyenne: Mom, Dad... I have great news... I'm an alcoholic!
    (Everyone stares at her)
    Van: I'm having a beer.
    Brock: What's wrong, Van? Are you on the wagon?
    Van: Yes! And they shouldn't call it a wagon because wagons are fun!
    Cheyenne: You probably think this sounds really weird.
    Reba: No, baby, I don't.....I think it sounds like A DRINKING PROBLEM!
    Cheyenne: But I don't WANT a drinking problem!
    Reba: I don't want Barbra Jean living down the street from me either, but crapstorms happen!
    Cheyenne (thinks): What am I gonna do?
    Reba: The first thing you are gonna do is put the drink down..(points to the counter; Cheyenne sets down her drink)
    Reba (walks to Cheyenne): Here's the second thing. (hugs her)
    Cheyenne: I'm scared Mom, I really am.
    Reba: I know, baby.

## Season 5
### Where There's Smoke [5.01]

    Cheyenne: I do not think smoking is that bad for you... I think tobacco is a vegetable.
    Van [to Cheyenne]: Hey, can I have one of those vitamins? Give me a Wilma and a Dino. No, I had a Dino yesterday, make it a Barney.
    Cheyenne: No. Van those vitamins aren't for you.
    Van: What'd you mean they're not for....are these chick vitamins? Will I grow boobs?
    Cheyenne: No. Ok, I'm going to tell you something but you cannot repeat it. They're called Disulfiram.
    Van: You're right, I can't repeat that.

### Reba's Heart [5.22]
## Season 6
### Cheyenne's Rival [6.10]

    Bridget: What about all the mean stuff you wrote about me on the bathroom walls. Like Bridget's missing a digit! What does that even mean?!
    Cheyenne: Well, I don't know...but it was pretty funny in high school.
    Reba: (about Bridget) Cheyenne, you've got to let this high school stuff go! We're talking about your home, not who should've been homecoming queen!
    Cheyenne: ME!!! I WAS ROBBED!!!

### She's With the Band [6.11]

    Reba [to Kyra]: Well, here's how a lot of artist's parents feel. You're goin' to college, and that's that!
    Kyra: You can't make me. I'm 18.
    Reba: It is vital that we show a united front we have got to show her that we are all of one mind.
    Barbra Jean: (when Kyra walks in) Kyra, it's a trap! Follow your dreams! Run, be free!

### The Kids Are Alright [6.13]

    Van: Man, my shirt stinks.
    Kyra: The washer's broken, do you have your magic butter knife?
    Van: (sarcastically) Oh, Ha ha ha!
    Kyra: Once again you've won an argument with your wit.
    Barbra Jean: Can you believe it Reba? Six years ago this family was falling apart and then I came in and put everything back together.
    Brock: Barbra Jean, that's not exactly the way I'd put it.
    Reba: Hang on Brock, Barbra Jean's right, we got through it all, because we're survivors. [last lines in the series]

## External links

* Reba quotes at the Internet Movie Database