# Ben Dirs

Ben Dirs is a sports journalist for BBC Online who writes about and provides live commentary on a number of sports.

## Quotes

* Umpire Billy Bowden is decked by a Jones sweep! How marvellous...I mean what a choker...A sweetly-timed shot by the England batsman, which strikes Bowden on the hip, sending sunnies and walkie-talkie flying. Shame for Jones, that was going for four. Bowden will have secretly loved that, the old drama tart.
** Cricket The Ashes First Test, day three as it happened. BBC (2006-11-25). Retrieved on 2007-05-26.
* Having seen the replay, I think Steve Bucknor was right. I like Bucknor, in fact, he might be my only friend.
** Cricket The Ashes Second Test, day two as it happened. BBC (2006-12-02). Retrieved on 2007-05-26.
* Embarrassing cricket tales. When I was about 14, my school team played against a school called Langdon, somewhere or other in the wilds of East London. They batted first and racked up 180-3 off 20 overs. We got 13. My PE teacher called it the most humiliating day of his life. Years later, he got done for sex offences. I wonder what he thinks now.
** Cricket England v West Indies, First test, day five as it happened. BBC (2007-05-21). Retrieved on 2007-05-26.
* Hayden hits his fourth four of the over off the final ball, riding a dreamy steer through the covers. Boom boom boom let me hear you say way-ooh.
** One-Day Series, Australia v England (Sydney) as it happened. BBC (2007-02-02).
* Monty went beserk, like a toddler who's just been told he can't have a Happy Meal.
** England vs West Indies, 1st Test as it happened. BBC (2007-19-05).
* Oof! McCullum kerplunks a fuller Sidebottom delivery for what looks a certain four until it smashes into Gillespie's, erm, mummy-daddy button at the non-striker's end and he is denied a run. That had to hurt. Gillespie turns down the opportunity to have it treated by the Kiwi physio - perhaps he's not his type.
** England vs New Zealand, 2nd Test as it happened. BBC (2008-16-03).
* A well-deserved standing ovation from the Lord's faithful and what can you say about any Collingwood innings? Nuggety, earthy, gritty. All hail Ross Kemp - give that man his own cop show on ITV.
** England vs West Indies, First Test, day two as it happened. BBC (2006-18-05).
* Vaughan is lurking in the dressing room gloom like some mad woman spying into her next door neighbours' garden.
** England vs West Indies, First Test, day one as it happened. BBC (2006-17-05).
* Hayden marches down the pitch towards Collymore, bat raised, as if he's just returned from the theatre to find him rifling through his wife.
** West Indies v Australia. BBC (2007-27-03).
* Bit of Toto as Hoffmann makes his way to the middle - "I bless the rains down in Africa!" - smashing. My favourite Toto number is Rosanna. I used to go out with someone called Rosanna. Her mum looked like Cher.
** South Africa v Scotland. BBC (2007-20-03).
* Colly doing a good, no-frills, manful job for England here, just one from the over. He is to cricket what Jim Taggart is to detective work.
** England v Sri Lanka. BBC (2007-04-04).
* Just two from the over, Anderson tighter than Andy Fordham's watch strap.
** England v Sri Lanka. BBC (2007-04-04).
* I like Monty, I'd like to sit with my arm round him on the sofa all night watching documentaries on BBC Four.
** England v West Indies 1st Test. BBC (2007-17-05).
* Murali is really struggling out there, he looked like Heather Mills McCartney making her way to bed from her en suite bathroom fielding down at fine-leg.
** England v Sri Lanka. BBC (2007-04-04).

## Football Commentary

* Anyone seen Kaka's wife? Funnily enough, she's a complete sort. She's the sort of woman who, if she looked you in the eye in a bar and asked you where the fag machine was, you'd start giggling and snort.
** Quotes of the Week. BBC (2007-05-09).
* I've got a horrible feeling that if United do do the business tonight, Scholes won't be on the pitch in Athens. He may well be the best player England have produced for the last 15 years, but he has all the tackling ability of a granny on roller skates.
** Countdown to AC Milan v Man Utd. BBC (2007-05-02).

## Tennis Commentary

* There's Jamie Murray in the crowd - I assume that's his woman, otherwise her actual boyfriend might be extremely irate.
** Live - Murray v Wawrinka. BBC (2009-06-29). Retrieved on 2009-06-29.
* I'd imagine Janowicz is a fine lover - a big, bear of a man but with the hands of a miniature portrait painter.
** Live - Murray v Janowicz. BBC (2013-07-05). Retrieved on 2013-07-05.

## External links

* Ben Dirs' profile
* article on live blogging
* Brief mention of Dirs in a Daily mail cricket article