# Three Men and a Baby

Three Men and a Baby is a 1987 comedy film starring Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson, directed by Leonard Nimoy, in his first non-Star Trek movie directorial role.
It was followed by the 1990 sequel, Three Men and a Little Lady.

## Dialogue

    Michael: How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?
    Peter: Beats the shit out of me.
    Michael: She did a doodle; your turn to change her.
    Peter: I'll give you a $1,000.00 if you'll do it.
    Jack: Angelyne! Whew! Boy, you look different. What happened?
    Angelyne: I'm dressed.
    Rebecca: Jack has a baby?
    Peter: I realize such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
    Mrs. Hathaway: I love kids. Unfortunately, Mr. Hathaway and I aren't able to have children. He has a low sperm count.
    Michael: Some guys have all the luck.
    Peter: All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up.
    Michael: I don't know what babies eat.
    Peter: Soft stuff. We were babies once, for God's sake. What did we eat?
    Michael: I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good. I can't remember!
    [Peter has gone to the store for baby supplies, leaving Michael to take care of a wailing Mary by himself]
    Michael (singing): Hush little baby, don't you cry. When Peter gets home, I'm gonna punch him in the eye!
    Peter: Feel her teeth.
    Michael: What?
    Peter: The druggist said you can tell how old she is by feeling her teeth.
    Michael: I'm not going to feel her teeth, YOU feel her teeth!
    [Peter wets and cleans his finger, then sticks it in Mary's mouth]
    Peter: I can't feel anything.
    Michael: What does that mean?
    Peter: It means she doesn't have any damn teeth!
    Michael: Well, neither did Gabby Hayes and he was 90, so what?
    Peter: I'm an architect, for Christ's sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddamn diaper.
    Michael: Whoa, these diapers are way too big!
    Peter: They're ultra absorbent! The more absorbent, the better, if you ask me.
    Peter: Where'd you put the baby powder?
    Michael: Down the hall, I'll get it.
    Peter: What'd you put it out there for? We're bathing her in here.
    Michael: It's just down the hall!
    Peter: Well, we're not bathing her in the hall, are we?
    Michael: Well, maybe we should START, goddamn it!
    [slams baby powder container on pool table, causing powder to pour everywhere]
    Peter: You're going to clean that up.

## Taglines

* They changed her diapers. She changed their lives.
* Peter, Michael and Jack know a thing or two about women. But when it comes to babies, they're all wet.

## Cast

* Tom Selleck - Peter Mitchell
* Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam
* Ted Danson - Jack Holden
* Margaret Colin - Rebecca
* Celeste Holm - Mrs. Holden
* Nancy Travis - Sylvia Bennington
* Alexandra Amini - Patty
* Francine Beers - Woman at Gift Shop
* Lisa and Michelle Blair - Mary Bennington
* Philip Bosco - Det. Sgt. Melkowitz
* Barbara Budd - Actress
* Michael Burgess - Man at Party
* Claire Cellucci - Angelyne
* Eugene Clark - Man #1 at Party
* Derek de Lint - Jan Clopatz
* Jacob Strackeljahn - Juan Pablo Jr.
* Jeff Kingsley - Dr. Octavius Agustus Steelex
* Dave Foley - Grocery Store Clerk
* Cynthia Harris - Mrs. Hathaway

## External links

* Best Adult Diapers Brands
* Three Men and a Baby quotes at the Internet Movie Database