# Bob's Burgers (season 5)

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Bob's Burgers is an American adult animated sitcom created by Loren Bouchard for Fox. The series centers on the Belchers—parents Bob and Linda, and their children Tina, Gene, and Louise—who run a hamburger restaurant.

### Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl [5.01]

    [About Courtney's Working Girl musical.]
    Gene: So it's just a coincidence that you took a beloved '80s movie - some say the sassy sister film to Die Hard - and set it to music and lyrics?

### Tina and the Real Ghost [5.02]

    Tammy: Where's Tina? At home, crying into her butt?
    Tina: No. My butt is dry. And strong.

### Friends With Burger-fits [5.03]

    (Bob awakes from a nightmare.)
    Bob: I'm sorry, Teddy!
    Linda: What - what happened - what happened?
    Bob: I'm killing Teddy.
    Linda: (sleepily) What, you're going to kill Teddy? Alright. Car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home school the kids-
    Bob: No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.
    Linda: (shocked) What?
    Bob: The ones I give him every day.
    Linda: Oh. Gotcha.
    Bob: Good God, Linda, you had all that ready?
    Linda: What? I'm just being supportive. Good night.
    Bob: Here's the deal, Teddy: I can make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.
    Teddy: You cutting me off, Bobby?
    Bob: I guess I... am.
    Teddy: You're cutting me off!? Is this some kind of sick joke?
    Mort: I think it's for your own good.
    Teddy: You stay the hell out of this, Mort! [to Bob] Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!
    Bob: Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.
    Gene: Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!
    (Zeke eliminates Tina in the Freezer Dome)
    Zeke: I did it! I pushed a girl! And not because I like her and don't know how to show it!
    Teddy: Why would you lie to me like that? Who says they're somebody's best friend when they're not!?
    Bob: Look, Teddy, I'm sorry I lied because I care about you...
    Teddy: Pull over here. Stop the car, Bob!
    (Bob pulls over at Dusty's Feed Bag. Teddy gets out.)
    Teddy: You're not the only man that sells burgers, you know. I'm going to be a regular at Dusty's Feed Bag now! Friend.
    Bob: Come on Teddy, get back in the car.
    Teddy: Oh, and one more thing, Bob three years ago, you forgot a tomato on my burger and I said nothing. Nothing!
    Bob: Teddy please don't go in there.
    Teddy: You don't tell me what to do.

### Dawn of the Peck [5.04]

    Bob: Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!
    Tina: He's handling this pretty well.
    Bob: No, you're crying!

### Best Burger [5.05]

    Tina: I can't believe we're competing against Skip Marooch. He has a book out. I read it! I mean, I mostly read it. I looked at all the pictures.
    Louise: Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."
    Gene: I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.
    Ron: I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.
    Hugo: [swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!
    Gene: Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!
    Tina: You're a "berb."
    Gene: I'm a "berb!"

### Father of the Bob [5.06]

    Gene: One man's trash is another man's Christmas gift for Dad!

### Tina Tailor Soldier Spy [5.07]

    Gene: Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?

### Midday Run [5.08]

    Regular-Sized Rudy: See, that's why you're going to be a Hall Manatee, and I'm stuck at Hall Minnow. Well, I'm also a Hall Minnow because I'm bad at networking.
    Bob: What am I supposed to draw first?
    Edith Cranwinkle: First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!
    Harold Cranwinkle: Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!
    Edith: Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?
    Harold: Bad.
    Bob: Sorry, I can't concentrate!
    Edith: What's the matter? Don't like what you see?
    Bob: No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...
    Edith: Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!
    Harold: It's super-yummy!
    Zeke: Why do you wanna be a hall monitor so bad anyway? It's just tellin' on kids!
    Tina: No! It's..."helping" on kids.
    After Tina helps Zeke get the Whaler's costume...
    Zeke: Now I'm gonna have a story to tell on our wedding day! You think it ain't gonna happen, but I'm gonna getcha, girl! I'm gonna getcha!

### Speakeasy Rider [5.09]

    Tina: Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!
    Louise: (pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!
    Gene: And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!
    Louise: I'm coming for you, T. If I finish the season in first place in B-League, I get a spot in the Kingshead Island Grand Prix!
    Tina: But you actually have to win races to finish in first place. Maybe you didn't fully understand that?
    Louise: Oh, ho-ho-ho, keep it up, Tina!
    Tina: Way ahead of you. Literally.

### Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob and Louise [5.10]

    Linda: You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.
    Bob: Way ahead of you, Lin.
    [Song: "Crappy Place/Happy Place"]
    Bob: Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas
    It's a dream come true!
    Linda: (glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!
    Louise: That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)
    Bob: The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!
    Linda & Louise: How did we ever get stuck with these bums?
    The restaurant's now a crappy place!
    Bob: (overlapping) I think I found my happy place!
    I'm like a British lady in my garden
    And my plants agree!
    Plants: Mmm-hmm!
    Louise: (about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...
    Linda: (about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!
    Bob: I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!
    Linda & Louise: We're living in our own personal hell,
    The restaurant's now a crappy place!
    Bob: I think I found my happy place!
    Linda & Louise: The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy
    Bob: (simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy
    All: Plaaaaace!

### The Millie-churian Candidate [5.12]

    (Tina hangs Jimmy Jr.'s Class President campaign poster. Louise assists her.)
    Louise: Lower. A little lower. Just a tiny bit lower...
    (Camera pulls out to reveal a trash can.)
    Louise: ...Yeah, that's it. In the trash. Now stomp it down with your foot.

### L'il Hard Dad [5.14]

    Bob: We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.
    Gene: Well put.
    Bob: Yup.
    Sheldon Felds: You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.
    Bob: Stop calling me a heliflopter.
    Gene: We don't care how fun it is to say.
    Sheldon Felds: You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.
    Gene: Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!
    Sheldon Felds Are you done hiding, Bob?
    Bob: We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!
    Sheldon: Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)
    Bob: Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.
    Gene: Dad!
    Bob:You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.
    Gene: That's his good nipple!
    Bob: My good nipple is bleeding!!
    Sheldon: Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.
    Bob: No we're not done!!

### Hawk & Chick [5.20]

    Tina: We gotta make this samaright.
    Tina: And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are