# Helluva Boss

Helluva Boss is a 2019 adult animated black comedy horror web series created by Vivienne Medrano.

## Pilot

    Moxxie: [to Millie] Honey, could you get the butter?
    Millie: Sure, sweetie.
    Blitz: Spoiler alert: The butter's spoiled. [Millie giggles]
    Moxxie: What's funny, honey?
    Blitz: Really impressive wordplay.
    Moxxie: WHAT THE-- WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE?!
    [Moxxie wakes up to see Blitz staring him in the face]
    Blitz: Watcha dreamin' about?
    Mox: I was dreaming my parents were being murdered. But now, I'd like to go back to that.
    Moxxie: [singing] Of all the imps in Hell, it's for her that I fell! Oh, Millie.... [leans in to kiss Millie, then hears Biltz's camera beep] ARE YOU FUCKING FILMING US RIGHT NOW?! [camera moves to show him outside the window]
    Blitz: [Moxxie claims Blitz lives a lonely life; Millie tries to coerce him from angering Blitz] No, no no no, It's fine, Mills, its just your husband is, how do I say this without being offensive? Retarded.
    [Blitzo smashes his phone up and puts the pieces in a blender, blending it into a smoothie, which Loona immediately drinks]
    Blitzo: Eat this, and you know that bridge over the freeway?
    Loona: Yeah?
    Blitzo: SHIT OFF IT.

## Murder Family

    [Moxxie tries to aim at a picture of the target family with a crossbow, but he's shaking too much]
    Millie: Moxxie, stop shakin'. You're gonna kill our only Hellhound.
    Loona: [lounging back on the couch, holding the target picture up with one hand, browsing her phone with the other; sarcastically] Wow, I feel so loved here.
    Millie: Just take a deep breath...[demonstrates an inhale] and let it out.
    Moxxie: But...it's a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?
    Millie: I mean, if that's what the client wants...
    Moxxie: Maybe like a shitty dad or [in a Don Corleone-like voice] a mob family. That's understandable. [normal voice] But to eradicate an entirely innocent, seemingly innocent, upper-middle class family bloodline?!
    Loona: [after a look at the picture] Hey, you don't know they're innocent. This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, and this guy? This guy definitely watches.
    Blitz: [to a departing Mrs. Mayberry] Bye, and don't worry - we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours, or your first kill is free!
    Moxxie: When did we start implementing that deal?
    Blitz: When you set fire to my office in front of a CLIENT, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!!! Now someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!
    Loona: You mean our only ticket to the other side? [holds out the Grimoire] Yeah, got it.
    Blitz: [fawning] And that's why you're my favourite, Loony! You get a treat now. [holds out a dog biscuit]
    Loona: Eww, stop. [Blitz tosses it in the air, catches it with his tongue and eats it] You're SO gross!
    Blitz: [flattered] Aww, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist. Now let's go lick some ass!
    Millie: [after creating a portal] The expression is "kick some ass", Blitz. [steps through it]
    Blitz: Mine's better. [follows her]
    Moxxie: [follows them, groaning] Ohh, fuck...!
    Blitz: [after Moxxie fails to shoot the family] What the FUCK was that, Moxxie?!
    Mox: [wheezes and gasps] I'm sorry! They just seemed so wholesome and happy... I panicked!
    Blitz: Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leechin' off your momma's tits! Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby-dicked PRICK--! [Martha shoots through the wall, injuring his arm] AHH! A new hole! 'SCATTER! [they run away]
    Stolas: [on the phone to Blitz] I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors. Doesn't that sound... enticing?
    Blitz: [dodging Martha's gunshots] You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay?! I'm tryin' to concentrate on not getting FUCKED IN MY "A"!
    [Martha tries to burn Blitz and Millie at the stake]
    Martha: Satan! We return your filthy creatures to back to the pits of Hell! May the root of evil remain honoured as we continue thy work! [tosses her torch on the pyre, igniting a blaze]
    Blitz: [after a moment] Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't really hurt us, but, I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard. [smirks and makes a crude gesture with his tail]

## Loo Loo Land

    Stolas: What's that you're listening to?
    Octavia: This song is called "My World Is Burning Down Around Me". It's by "Fuck You, Dad". [after a short pause] It's a band.
    Stolas: Oh. How charming...
    [Stolas suggests that he and Octavia go to Loo-Loo Land]
    Octavia: I'd literally rather kill myself.
    Stolas: There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security.
    Octavia: Security for a theme park?
    Stolas: We're rich and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies.
    Octavia: Our money, maybe.
    Stolas: Speak for yourself, princess. Now I'm going to call the only man who can f[bleep]k me!
    Octavia: [cringing] What?!
    Stolas: [trying to cover it up] Who can protect me. Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuble, you know. [Octavia groans]
    [Blitz is called by Stolas]
    Blitz: WHAT?!
    Stolas: Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.
    [Blitz and Octavia both spit out their coffee]
    Blitz: WHAT...
    Octavia: ...THE...
    Blitz: ...FUCK...
    Octavia: ...DAD?!
    Stolas: Language, everyone!
    Blitz: [Robo-Fizz calls him out] Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo-ripoff of an overrated sell-out JESTER!
    Robo-Fizz: Oooh, [glitches as he says this] someone's salty! Real or not though, people looove me! Does anybody looove you, Blitzo?
    Blitz: No. But I'm really good with guns now! [loads his assault rifle with a new magazine] Dance, bitch!

## Spring Broken

    Blitz: [to someone who takes his parking spot] Oh, you "Suck 4 Life", do ya?! [pulls out a megaphone] Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum-dump! You've got exactly three seconds to get the fuck out of my spot or, [he realizes that the driver is his ex girlfriend, Verosika Mayday] Oh, SHIT! Verosika?!
    Verosika: Blitzo.
    Blitz: I should have known you'd be here. I can smell fish for miles, which is odd, because I believe the nearest ocean is THREE RINGS DOWN!
    Verosika: And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.
    Blitzo: [regarding Verosika; quietly] Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that.
    Loona: [from the van] You know Verosika Mayday?!
    Blitzo: Huh? Oh, yeah, her. Yeah, we dated.
    Millie: [popping out of the van with Moxxie] Was that before or after she became a pop star?
    Moxxie: You dated a pop star?!
    Blitzo: Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock?
    Loona: Hello, it's Verosika Mayday?
    Millie: It's you?
    Moxxie: I just... Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?
    Blitzo: Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives.
    Moxxie: YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME, SIR!
    Millie: Come on, you kinda do that.
    Loona: You totally do that.
    Millie: [grinning naughtily] What was sex with her like?
    Moxxie: [taken aback] Millie!
    Millie: What?! It's a pop star! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like!
    Moxxie: ... Touché.
    Loona: Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?
    Blitz: Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie, spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!
    [Blitz, Loona, Moxxie and Millie all give the camera disapproving looks]
    [Loona is talking with Verosika's hellhound, Vortex]
    Blitz: Am I interrupting something here?
    Tex: [calmly] Nah, man. Just a conversation.
    Blitz: Conversation leads to HPV!
    Moxxie: [after being dunked in a beer keg by humans] A human called me a possum. I am not a possum.

## C.H.E.R.U.B.S

    [Loopty Goopty smashes his way into I.M.P.'s office]
    Loopty Goopty: Do not be afraid!
    Blitzo: Please tell me you got that insurance thing.
    Millie: [taking out her axe] Who are you, and what do you want?!
    Loopty: I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!
    Loona: Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.
    Loopty: I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric SHIIIIT!
    Blitzo: [sniffs him] Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?
    Loopty: YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!
    Loona: Just sayin' - the front door would've gotten you here fine.
    Loopty: Shut up, dear furry!
    Cletus: Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! [winks] Or wealth!
    Collin: If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this!
    Blitzo: [in a tiger costume] Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks? [makes a suggestive gesture with his fingers]
    Keenie: [gasps] That is so inappropriate!
    Millie: [in a cat costume] Oh, kiss our ass, prude! [flips her off]

## Queen Bee

    Vikki: OMJ, Loona? Lunatic Loona? That you?
    Loona: Uh, yeah. It's Loona, yeah.
    Vikki: Wow, I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one?
    Loona: [becoming annoyed] I'm sure you'll remind me.
    Vikki: Yeah, this...[taps on her phone and shows a picture of Loona throwing up] This you, right?
    Loona: [Angrily growling, through clenched teeth] Why do you still have that?
    Vikki: It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy. [Loona growls louder, baring her teeth] Wow, you're being very negative. Your aura is really aggressive right now.
    Loona: Oh yeah? Well, maybe it's because I'm in the presence of a massive BITCH!
    [Partygoers gasp; Vikki nearly faints dramatically]
    Vikki: Oh...my dog. Wow.
    Loona: What?! Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, c'mon, it's true!
    Partygoer: [offscreen] You can't say that.
    [Loona angrily frowns]
    Bee-Elzubub: [Approaches Vortex & Loona after her song] Ow-ow! Vortex! The party is buzzing now, FUCK! I feel like I went a little too hard with the confetti this time, though. I have, like, a rainbow in my vagina right now. [Loona's jaw drops; Bee notices her for the first time] Oh, hey, is this the sweet pup you were telling me about?
    Loona: Excuse me?
    Bee: She's a fucking cutie! Where've you been hiding, girl? [chuckles]
    Loona: Is there something funny?
    Bee: Nah, I'm just high on all of this tasty energy right now! Tex says you don't get invited out much. I hope this little itty-bitty gettogether could serve as a fun first time.
    Loona: [sees another party attendee slide down the stair railing and hitting his groin on the newel post before falling over; unamused] Mmhmm.
    Bee: I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphagor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. SO fucking lame. I mean, I usually just steal them, but Belle changed the locks. She says I'm a total jackass for trying, but hey–I'm proud to be a total jackass. [creates a bottle of beer and chugs it down]
    Loona: [Looking for Blitzo in the middle of the party] Blitz! Blitz! Where are you, shithead?! Blitz!
    [Sees Blitzo making out with another guy]
    Loona: OH, PISS ON A DICK!
    [Loona drives her and a drunk Blitzo from the party]
    Loona: ...Do you need to throw up?
    Blitzo: [Almost like a pouty child] No.
    Lonna: Heh, yeah, you do.
    [Loona carries Blitzo into their apartment, laying him on the couch, then returning with a blanket and a glass of water]
    Blitzo: I had a really shitty day.
    Loona: Yeah? Is that why you drank, like, 5 gallons' worth of who-knows-what?
    Blitzo: Fuck, Fizz was right: I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. [Loona gives a look of concern] Will you be there, Loonie?
    Loona: Be where?
    Blitzo: [Mumbling] I dunno, just...lonely...die alone...
    Loona: [Covers Blitzo with the blanket] I'll be there...Dad. Now go the fuck to sleep, okay? [Goes to her bedroom]
    Blitzo: [Mumbling] Millie...Moxxie...Stolas...[Lifts his head and vomits heavily on the floor] Fuck! Yeah, I did need to throw up.

## Western Energy

    Blitzo: [Sees Stolas is calling him while he's driving the van with a nervous Loona in the passenger seat, Millie and Moxxie in the back] Oh, shit. [Answers the phone] Stolas, it's really not a good time, buddy.
    Stolas: Sorry it's a bad time yet again, Blitzy, but...I seem to have found myself in a bit of a cinch. I'm tied at the back of a horse at the moment.
    Blitzo: Pfff, lucky bitch.
    Stolas: Um, well, no. Rather unlucky. I seem to have been stolen by that little cowboy friend of yours.
    Blitzo: Oh, which one?
    Moxxie: How many cowboys do you know?! [to Stolas] What does he look like, your highness?
    Stolas: [Takes a long look] Hmmm, sexy?
    Moxxie: [To Blitzo] That's Striker, sir!
    Blitzo: Oh, for fuck's sake...
    Blitzo: [Walking into the doctor/vet, dragging a frightened Loona by the tail] Christ on a stick, of all the days for (Stolas) to get his stupid feathered ass kidnapped; I've waited FIVE FUCKING YEARS for this appointment! FUCK ME IN MY LITTLE RED HOLE! [Sees a woman with her pet in the waiting room] Hi, the fuck you looking at?
    [A mariachi band of imps have been following Striker around and singing a ballad about him, to his annoyance]
    Striker: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYIN' TO DO MY FUCKIN' JOB! YOU COMIN' IN HERE, SINGIN' ABOUT ME FOR THE MILLIONTH FUCKIN’ TIME?! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, YA FREAKS!
    [The terrified imps quietly ride their cart away]
    Stolas: How does one get their own theme song?

## Voice cast

* Brandon Rogers as Blitzo
* Richard Steven Horvitz as Moxxie
* Erica Lindbeck as Loona and Millie (pilot)
* Vivian Nixon as Millie (series)
* Bryce Pinkham as Stolas (series)
* Mara Wilson as Mrs. Mayberry
* Norman Reedus as Striker

## External links

* Helluva Boss quotes at the Internet Movie Database