# Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a 2015 sequel to the original Paul Blart: Mall Cop by Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions.

## Paul Blart

* Help someone today!
* It looks like we've come to a fork in the road. [shoots the vibrating fork like a bow-and-arrow]
* Not today, death! Not today!
* We are trained to detect, deter, observe, and report. But one day, 6 years ago, a man did more than that. And I AM THAT MAN!
* Always bet on Blart.
* I don't drink. But I do ride! [slaps horse's butt, then horse kicks him into a car]

## Maya Blart

* [from trailer] Come on, Dad. It's a vacation. Try to enjoy it.
* If we live, I'm not going to UCLA.
* Holy crawfish!

## Others

* Margaret: [final words] Oh, there's my paper. [gets run over by a milk truck]
* Vincent: Unacceptable. [referring to Paul Blart] Kill him.
* Divina: Your uniform as requested, Officer Blart.
* Saul: Paul...can you step up to the plate and save us?
* Khan: I came straight from a haircut.

## Dialogue

    Henk: [walks in] Excuse me, guys, uh, but we have a complaint about the noise.
    Robinson: [walks up to Henk] That's why we have you.
    Vincent: Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.
    Henk: Right? Look at that! Ha-ha, smiley! You don't wanna know what it took to get the real deal.
    Vincent: No, I don't
    Maya: Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.
    Paul: Oh, really? Well, you know what, I've lost my appetite. What has gotten into you? You lied to me. You said you were taking a nap.
    Maya: Well, I was going to, but...
    Paul: [interrupts Maya] Mm, you never called me once. You leave the bath filled which could've caused water damage, candles lit which could've burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.
    Maya: I'm sorry. It's just Lane invited me to go out to the pool...
    Paul: [interrupts again] Lane? Lane? That's what this betrayal's about? Chicken Chow LANE?!
    Maya: Dad, people are looking. [smiles nervously]
    Paul: [calms down] What happened to her, Maya? What happened to the pristine girl who could never tell a lie? What happened to my little George Washington?
    Maya: "George Washington"?
    Paul: He could never tell a lie. He was full truth in a powdered wig.
    Maya: I think you're overreacting.
    Paul: Really? [pulls out UCLA application] And when were you gonna tell me about that?
    Maya: [pause, takes the application] Where did you find this?
    Paul: Please, Maya. I'm a highly-trained security specialist. You can't expect to keep secrets from me.
    Maya: [pause] I didn't think I'd get in.
    Paul: [sighs in disappointment] I didn't even know you applied there. What happened to Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College?
    Maya: [excited] We're talking about UCLA here!
    Paul: Yeah, I thought we were talking about CJATJC.
    Maya: Dad, you don't understand. I have a chance to go to California!
    Paul: Maya, California... It's-It's too far away.
    Maya: [pause] Well, think about it this way: you can come visit me in the wintertime when really cold in Jersey.
    Paul: Of course I can if I want some smog in my earthquake flakes!
    Maya: [pause] You know what, I've decided: I'm going.
    Paul: Wait, you've...decided? You've just decided? Well, you know what, decision overruled. Judge Blart, now in session! [slams a plate of bread]
    [Maya stands up, Paul eats a bread slice]
    Maya: I know you've lost a lot lately and you're scared. [voice breaking] But what you're doing right now is so wrong. [Paul shakes his head] I'm going to UCLA. [she walks out in frustration]
    Paul: Maya? Maya, you get back... Maya...
    Paul: I told you I was crazy.
    Vincent: And I told you...that I'm crazy.
    Paul: Whoa. Y-You can't out-crazy me. My crazy will take your crazy, shove it in a metal tube, fill it with rats, then blowtorch it until the rats have no way to escape except eating their way through your crazy.
    Vincent: Wow. You are oblivious to the avalanche of insanity I am about to unload. You don't know what I will do to you!
    Paul: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU! I WILL SPIN AROUND UNTIL I THROW UP ON YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS! I SIMPLY DON'T CARE!
    Vincent: I STICK YOUR FACE IN MAPLE SYRUP AND MAKE YOU SING GOSPEL! HOW DOES THAT BLOW YOUR HAIR BACK, BLART?!
    Paul: I WILL CRAWL INSIDE YOU AND LAY EGGS LIKE A BABY SPIDER!
    Vincent: I WELCOME IT! I'VE GOT 2 DIFFERENT COLORED EYES! SHOWS YOU HOW I LIVE MY LIFE!
    Paul: I WILL BRING A FOLK GUITAR TO A PUMPKIN FIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I WAS BROUGHT UP!
    Vincent: [pause] Okay, you lost me on that last one.
    Paul: BECAUSE THAT'S HOW CRAZY I AM! NOW GIMME BACK MY DAUGHTER!
    Vincent: GIVE ME MY PAINTING!
    Paul: AAAAAHH!!! [throws the painting on the floor but it didn't slide due to the carpet]