# The Road to Hong Kong

The Road to Hong Kong is a 1962 film about a pair of con men who get mixed up in international intrigue.
    Directed by Norman Panama. Written by Melvin Frank.

## Chester Babcock

* [cracks open a fortune cookie and reads] "You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty." [passing it to Harry] Here, it's for you.

## Dialogue

    Harry Turner: Chester, I give you my solemn word. This time it's not dangerous.
    Chester Babcock: Not dangerous?
    Harry Turner: No.
    Chester Babcock: That's what 'cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not going'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, Charlie!
    Harry Turner: [hands Chester a hand mirror] Who's that?
    Chester Babcock: [seeing his reflection] I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.
    [while agent Diane mistakenly thinks she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer, Chester simply believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]
    Diane: [whispers] Do you think we're being watched?
    Chester Babcock: [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar] Definitely.
    Diane: Oh, then we'll have to hurry.
    Chester Babcock: Have we got time?
    Diane: If you work fast.
    Chester Babcock: I'll do my best.
    Diane: Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.
    Chester Babcock: Good.
    Diane: I've made all the arrangements.
    Chester Babcock: Fine.
    Diane: The shades are all drawn.
    Chester Babcock: Very sensible.
    Diane: And we can lock the door from the inside.
    Chester Babcock: Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.
    Diane: Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?
    Chester Babcock: Well, I MUST have. When do we start?
    Diane: Right now. [suddenly shouting] Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again. [She slips him an envelope as she kisses him] You've got it.
    Chester Babcock: I know it.
    Diane: Don't lose it.
    Chester Babcock: Don't worry.
    Diane: I'll see you at the hotel.
    Chester Babcock: Pull the shades and lock the door.
    Diane: One final thing.
    Chester Babcock: Yes?
    Diane: In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.
    Harry Turner: An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it.
    Chester Babcock: Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure.
    Harry Turner: Father figure?
    Chester Babcock: Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.
    Diane: There must be some sensible solution to this problem.
    Harry Turner: Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.
    Chester Babcock: Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.
    Diane: What about Sunday?
    Chester Babcock: Everybody rests.
    Harry Turner: Don't I always get you the best medical attention available?
    Chester Babcock: Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month.
    Harry Turner: How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor?
    Chester Babcock: You should have known by the size of his thermometer.
    Harry Turner: Yes, was a bit large.
    Chester Babcock: When he shook it, I was still on it.
    Harry Turner: Happy landings, buster!
    Chester Babcock: I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.
    Indian Neurologist: [about a cobra] Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple.
    Chester Babcock: Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach?
    Indian Neurologist: That is when you find out who your real friends are.
    Harry Turner: You got a mind like a sponge.
    Chester Babcock: Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.
    Diane: Are you sure you're not pulling my leg?
    Harry Turner: Business first, fun and games later, mm?
    Diane: Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.
    Chester Babcock: That still leaves my fellow women.
    Harry Turner: Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders.
    Chester Babcock: Besides that, they're unfriendly.

## Cast

* Bing Crosby — Harry Turner
* Bob Hope — Chester Babcock
* Joan Collins — Diane (3rd Echelon agent)
* Robert Morley — Leader of the 3rd Echelon
* Peter Sellers — Indian physician
* Dorothy Lamour — Herself
* Walter Gotell — Dr. Zorbb (3rd Echelon scientist)
* Sir Felix Aylmer — Grand Lama
* Alan Gifford — American official
* Michele Mok — Mr. Ahso
* Katya Douglas — 3rd Echelon receptionist
* Roger Delgado — Jhinnah
* Robert Ayres — American official
* Peter Madden — Lama
* Dave King — Restaurateur

## External links

* The Road to Hong Kong quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* The Road to Hong Kong at Rotten Tomatoes
* The Road to Hong Kong at Allmovie