# The Very Same Munchhausen

The Very Same Münchhausen (Russian: Тот самый Мюнхгаузен, Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen, alt. translation - That Very Münchhausen) is a 1979 Soviet television movie.
    Directed by Mark Zakharov. Written by Grigoriy Gorin.

## Baron Münchhausen

* Any love is legal if it is love.
* I am not afraid to look ridiculous. Not everyone can afford it.
* Divorce is one of the highest achievements of mankind! It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live 20 years together. It's been a tough 20 years but I don't regret them! Once upon a time, Socrates told me: "You should marry anyway. If you're lucky to get a good wife — you'll become a happy man. If you get a bad wife - you'll become a philosopher." Can't decide which is better...
* "I, Baron Munchhausen, an ordinary man..." Sounds like the beginning of a romance song. "I didn't fly to the moon." All right, I didn't. But... If you only knew, my dears, how beautiful moon is... White mountains and red stones at sunset... All right! I've never ridden on a cannonball... In that terrible battle with the Turks, when half of my regiment perished. They drove us into that damn swamp, but we held out! We held out and struck from the flank! But then my horse stumbled and began to sink. And then I grabbed my hair and pulled... and we rose above the sedge... I'll sign it... I'll sign... why tease the geese.
* Since no one needs an extra day of spring, let's forget about it. It's hard to live on such a day, but easy to die.
* I wish you would understand at last, that Münchhausen is famous not because he flew to the moon or because he didn't, but because he never lies!
* A serious face is not yet an indication of intellect. All the stupid things in the world are done with exactly that expression. Smile, gentlemen! Smile!

## Jacobine von Münchhausen

* Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Are you trying to ruin our holiday?
* There is no truth at all. The truth is what is currently considered the truth.

## The Duke

* I won't let you drop the waist line to hips. After all, we are the center of Europe. I won't let any Spaniards to dictate terms to us. If you want a detachable sleeve — please. Do you want a pleated skirt with darts? I accept this too. But I will not let you to lower the waistline.
* Order to Army: general mobilization! Recall all retired to the reserve. Cancel holidays. Form the Guard on the central square. Dress code — summer, full dress. Blue uniforms with gold trim. Sewn in sleeves. Wide lapels. The waist 10 cm lower than in peace time... that is higher.
* Where is my military uniform?.. What?! Me — in this? Single-breasted?! What, you don't know what's no one is fighting anymore in a single-breasted? What a disgrace! The war is on the doorstep, but we are not ready!
* Baron, you are a reasonable man. I have always treated you with sympathy. I respected your way of thinking: loose shoulder line, skinny pantaloons. Could you be an example for our youth. It needs it so much.

## Burgomaster

* Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words: “Free, free everyone!”

## Other characters

* At first, celebrations were planned, then arrests. Then they decided to combine them.

## Dialogue

    Baron Münchhausen: The situation was desperate. I had to choose one of two things: to die or to save myself somehow.
    The Hunter: What did you choose?
    Baron Münchhausen: Guess what.
    The Hunter: Do you claim, a man can lift himself up by hair?
    Baron Münchhausen: Absolutely! A thinking man must do it from time to time.
    Pastor: I've already noticed, baron, you've got rare books.
    Baron Münchhausen: Yes, many of them are autographed.
    Pastor: It must be so pleasant.
    Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles for example.
    Pastor: Who?
    Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles. This is his best tragedy "Oedipus Rex" with an inscription.
    Pastor: For whom?
    Baron Münchhausen: For me, of course. Here: "To dear Karl from his loving Sophocles to be warmly remembered."
    Baron Münchhausen: She ran away from me two years ago.
    Pastor: Frankly speaking, Baron, I would have done the same in her shoes.
    Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I'm going to marry Martha, not you.
    Pastor: You cannot get married the second time with your wife alive.
    Baron Münchhausen: Are you proposing to kill her?
    Baron Münchhausen: But you do allow kings to get a divorce?
    Pastor: Well... For kings... In exceptional cases. When they need to produce an offspring.
    Baron Münchhausen: In order to produce an offspring they need to do something different.
    Baron Münchhausen: And they said he's a smart man!
    Martha: Well, people can say much more...
    Theophil (seeing a portrait of Baron): Do you want to hang this daub in the house?
    Jacobine: What disturbs you about it?
    Theophil: It maddens me! Let's chop it in pieces!
    Jacobine: Dare not! He claims it is a work of Rembrandt.
    Rammkopf: Whom???
    Jacobine: Rembrandt.
    Theophil: That's a downright lie.
    Jacobine: I know but the auctioneers give twenty thousand for it.
    Rammkopf: Twenty thousand? Then sell it!
    Jacobine: To sell it would mean to admit this is the truth.
    Theophilus: Challenge my father to a duel!
    Rammkopf: Never!
    Theophilus: But why?
    Rammkopf: First, he will kill me, and second...
    Jacobine: The first one is enough.
    Theophilus: I’m already 19, and I’m just a cornet! And no prospects! I wasn't even allowed to attend the maneuvers!
    Jacobine: (corrects pronunciation) Ma-neu-vers!
    Theophilus: I was not allowed to attend the ma-neu-vers! The colonel stated that he generally refused to accept reports from Baron Münchhausen!
    Rammkopf: (reads Baron's day schedule) "From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.: a feat".
    Duke: How must we understand this?
    Jacobine: This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well, what can you say, Mr. Burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to a heroic deed, as if to work?
    Burgomaster: I serve too, madam. Every day at nine a.m. I have to go to my magistrate. I won’t say that this is a feat, but in general there is something heroic in it.
    Theophilus: Be my second!
    Rammkopf: Never!
    Theophilus: But why?
    Rammkopf: First, he'll kill the second too...
    Burgomaster: Yes.
    Theophilus: Murderer!!!
    Rammkopf: This man threw out a wife with a child.
    Theophil: Who is a child? I am an officer!
    Rammkopf: He threw out a wife with an officer.
    Rammkopf: If you've got a lover, enjoy it! Nowadays, everyone has got a lover. But one cannot permit you to marry her. It's immoral!
    Rammkopf: But it's a fact!
    Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact.
    Theophil: This is not a fact?
    Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact. This is much more than that. It was right that way!
    Duke's steward: His highness is busy with state affairs of the utmost importance. He is holding an emergency meeting... He's not there at all.
    The Duke: Well, I don't know how to say... Well, in general... Well, they say, you... Have you declared war on England?
    Baron Münchhausen: No.
    The Duke: No?
    Baron Münchhausen: Not yet. The war will start at 4 o'clock. If England doesn't accept the terms of the ultimatum.
    The Duke: An ultimatum?
    Baron Münchhausen: I sent them an ultimatum.
    The Duke: To whom?
    Baron Münchhausen: To the King of England and British Parliament members. I suggested to England to stop senseless war against North American colonists and recognize their independence. The ultimatum expires today at 16:00. If my terms are not accepted, I will personally start a war.
    The Duke: Well, fine. And it is not necessary to be so tragic, my dear. Look at all this with your usual humor. With humor! After all, Galileo also denied.
    Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I always loved Giordano Bruno more.
    Burgomaster: Oh well. Don't complicate. Baron, you can believe secretly.
    Baron Münchhausen: I can't secretly. I can only openly.
    Baron Münchhausen: In Germany, to have the name Müller is the same as to have no name at all.
    Thomas: You are still joking.
    Baron Münchhausen: I stopped joking long ago. The doctors forbid that.
    Thomas: Since when did you start visiting doctors?
    Baron Münchhausen: Right after my death.
    Thomas: But they say, humour is healthy. A joke prolongs life.
    Baron Münchhausen: Not for everyone. It prolongs the life for those who laugh, but shortens it for those who joke.
    Thomas: How is Frau Martha?
    Baron Münchhausen: Everything is fine. The boy was born.
    Thomas: Well?
    Baron Münchhausen: Yes.
    Thomas: Good boy?
    Baron Münchhausen: 12 kilograms.
    Thomas: Runs?
    Baron Münchhausen: Why? Walks.
    Thomas: Chatting?
    Baron Münchhausen: Silent.
    Thomas: Smart boy, will go far. What are you doing?
    Baron Münchhausen: Nothing. I live. I grow flowers.
    Thomas: Beautiful ones?
    Baron Münchhausen: Profitable ones.
    Weren't you dead?
    Baron Münchhausen: I was.
    Martha: Good Lord! Why do you people have to kill a person to understand that he is alive?!
    Jacobine: Well said. But we have no choice. And here is my advice: Don't hurry to become the widow of Baron Münchhausen. This place is still occupied.
    Burgomaster: Congratulations Baron!
    Baron Münchhausen: For what?
    Burgomaster: On your successful return from the moon.
    Baron Münchhausen: I wasn't on the moon.
    Burgomaster: What do you mean, you weren't there, when there is a decision that you were?
    Burgomaster: Everything follows the plan: after the overture comes the interrogation. Then the defendant's last words, a salute, general merriment, dancing.
    Rammkopf: Frau Marta, please, follow the text exactly!
    Baron Münchhausen: Say something goodbye to me.
    Martha: What? What?
    Baron Münchhausen: Well, say something goodbye.
    Martha: What to say?
    Baron Münchhausen: Think! There is always something important for such a moment!
    Martha: I... I... I'll be waiting for you.
    Baron Münchhausen: Not that.
    Martha: I... I love you very much.
    Baron Münchhausen: Not that!
    Martha: I'll be faithful to you!
    Baron Münchhausen: No need.
    Martha: They put wet gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you, Karl!
    Baron Münchhausen: Here! Thank you. Thank you Martha. Let them envy! Who else has such a woman?
    Baron Münchhausen: Thomas, go home! Make dinner! When I return, let it be 6 o'clock!
    Thomas: Six in morning or six in evening?
    Baron Münchhausen: Six in day.

## Cast

* Oleg Yankovskiy — Baron Münchhausen
* Inna Churikova — Jacobine von Münchhausen
* Yelena Koreneva — Martha
* Igor Kvasha — Burgomaster
* Aleksandr Abdulov — Heinrich Rammkopf
* Leonid Yarmolnik — Theophil von Münchhausen
* Yuriy Katin-Yartsev — Thomas
* Vladimir Dolinskiy — Pastor
* Leonid Bronevoy — Duke of Hanover
* Semyon Farada — Commander-in-Chief
* Vsevolod Larionov — Judge

## External links

* Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen (TV) quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen on the Mosfilm website
* Plot (in Russian) available from Lib.ru