# Top Secret!

Top Secret! is a 1984 parody of WWII spy movies in which an American rock and roll singer becomes involved in a Resistance plot to rescue a scientist imprisoned in East Germany.
    Directed by David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker. Written by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, and Martyn Burke.

## Martin

* Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm.

## General Streck

* [on the phone] What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger? [pause] Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition. [Hangs up] He's dead.

## Deja Vu

* Don't take it so hard Nick, life is filled with it's little miseries, each of us in his own way must learn to deal with adversity in a mature and adult fashion. [Sneezes into hands, screams and jumps out a window]

## Dr Paul Flammond

* Go quickly. If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truck load of dead rats in a tampon factory.

## Dialogue

    Hillary Flammond: My uncle was born in America.
    Nick Rivers: Oh, really?
    Hillary Flammond: But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency.
    Nick Rivers: [to the Waiter] I really don't know any German.
    Hillary Flammond: That's all right. I know a little German. [pause] He's sitting over there. [to the Waiter, in German] What do you recommend?
    Waiter: [in German] I recommend the pork bellies marinated in diced pig entrails or the roast swine knuckles poached with flaming hog balls.
    Nick Rivers: Anything's fine.
    Nick Rivers: Hillary. That's an unusual name.
    Hillary Flammond: It's German. It means 'she whose bosoms defy gravity'.
    Nick Rivers: Pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.
    Hillary Flammond: Nick? What does that mean?
    Nick Rivers: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.
    Nick Rivers: Are you in some kind of trouble with the police?
    Hillary Flammond: Some things are much better left unsaid.
    Nick Rivers: Like what?
    Hillary Flammond: Well, you know... sometimes when you blow your nose into a tissue and you put it in your purse, then a little while later you have to reach in there for your lipstick or something, and your hand gushes into it, and it goes all over...
    Nick Rivers: Okay, okay, you're right, you're right. Some things are better left unsaid.
    Nick Rivers: Listen to me, Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island, who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground.
    Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
    [Long pause. Both look at camera]
    Hillary Flammond: Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament?
    Blindman: In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.
    Agent Cedric: Wait. You dropped your phony dog poo.
    Blindman: What phony dog poo?
    [Nick and Hillary arrive at the Potato Farm. A Shetland pony is coughing]
    Nick Rivers: What's wrong with him?
    Wagon Driver: Oh, he caught a cold last week and he's just a little hoarse.
    Nick Rivers: Ist der Tochter achtzehn bitten?
    Martin: What's that mean?
    Nick Rivers: Is your daughter eighteen?
    Hillary Flammond: I'm needed here. For as long as a single man is forced to cower under the iron fist of oppression, as long as a child cries out in the night, or an actor can be elected president, we must continue the struggle.
    Nick Rivers: No, Hillary. It is too dangerous for you in Germany, now.
    Dr. Flammond: Yes, go with Nick. Don't worry about us. We will hear his music on the "Voice of America". We will hear it in the hearts of people, and in elevators everywhere. And as long as we do, we know we are not alone in our fight.
    Nick Rivers: They're right, Hillary. And when we get to America...
    Hillary Flammond: Who knows what will be then.
    Nick Rivers: Everything will be fine.
    Hillary Flammond: Things change, people change, hairstyles change...
    Nick Rivers: I want you to be with me.
    Hillary Flammond: Interest rates fluctuate. Who knows?
    NIck Rivers: Don't you want to come with me? If you don't, say it now.
    Hillary Flammond: Want! Want more than anything! Take me. Take me with you! [hugging her friends goodbye] Goodbye, Chocolate Mousse. I'll never forget you. Goodbye, Du Quois. Take care of yourself. Goodbye, Deja Vu. I will always remember you. And I'll miss you, most of all, Scarecrow.

## Taglines

* Movie? What movie?
* Shhh!
* A Film.
* Don't tell anyone.
* From the makers of the original "Airplane!" (not the Wright brothers)

## Cast

* Val Kilmer - Nick Rivers
* Lucy Gutteridge - Hillary Flammond
* Christopher Villiers - Nigel "The Torch", Resistance Leader
* Billy J. Mitchell - Martin, Nick's agent
* Jeremy Kemp - General Streck
* Omar Sharif - Agent Cedric
* Peter Cushing - Bookstore Proprietor
* Michael Gough - Dr. Paul Flammond
* Warren Clarke - Colonel von Horst
* Harry Ditson - Du Quois, Resistance Member
* Jim Carter - Déjà Vu, Resistance Member
* Eddie Tagoe - Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member
* John Sharp - Maitre'D
* Ian McNeice - Blind Souvenir Vendor
* Gertan Klauber - The Mayor
* Richard Mayes - Vladimir Biletnikov

## External links

* Top Secret! quotes at the Internet Movie Database
* Top Secret! at Rotten Tomatoes