# Jewish customs of etiquette

Jewish customs of etiquette, known as Derekh Eretz (Hebrew: דרך ארץ, lit. 'way of the land'), refer to the proper behavior and conduct of individuals when interacting with others. These customs are a set of social norms drawn from human interactions. The Talmud and Midrashic literature contain many teachings on this subject. Some of these teachings are as strictly binding as the Torah, while others pertain to the customs observed in synagogues or at the dinner table.
Jewish etiquette is a complex system of mores and manners agreed upon by the community. It seeks to delineate an acceptable standard of social laws governing personal conduct towards Jews and Gentiles, as well as one's environment. Ancient Jewish communities worldwide have preserved a well-documented system of etiquette, which is believed to reflect the social order once universally practiced by Jews. The common forms of etiquette can be divided into four categories: a) etiquette for seminar students (talmid ḥakham); b) etiquette for the elderly; c) etiquette for ordinary people; and d) etiquette for women. In the 21st century, many of these social norms are being lost within the community due to the blending of Jewish immigrant groups and the merging of diverse ethnic backgrounds. As a result, etiquette has become largely dependent on factors such as location, time, and the individual.

## History

Jews in ancient times adhered to strict codes of conduct, where custom played an important role in the way they would interact with one another; with an emphasis on decorum (good manners), respect and politeness, as well as on virtues and vices. The precursor for Jewish social etiquette dates back to antiquity, and has been documented in one of the Minor Tractates, known as Derech Ereẓ (Manners), the name of a treatise attached to Talmud editions, divided into Rabba (Large) and Zuta (Small). The early rabbinic work is a testimony of how Jewish etiquette has maintained its own unique, strict code of customs throughout the centuries, although in some cases (e.g. Jewish etiquette in the bath-house), such rules can be traced back to ancient Roman practices. In fact, some ancient practices were so widespread that a Jewish dictum is typically cited in its recognition: "Decorum came before the giving of the Law," meaning, one cannot personify Torah until he demonstrates common courtesy and decorum (derekh eretz) in everything that he does. In the Talmud and Midrash, there are approximately 200 teachings concerning derekh eretz as decent, polite, respectful, thoughtful, and civilized behavior, as well as a Minor Tractate (Derech Ereẓ) specifically treating on these issues. They define and delineate the difference between conduct and behavior that is malum in se, malum prohibitum, and good practice. Sometimes ethical codes include sections that are meant to give firm rules, but some offer only general guidance, while at other times the words are merely aspirational. Jewish etiquette can easily be divided into sub-categories: table etiquette, dress etiquette, speech etiquette, writing etiquette, etc.
   Rabbi Nathan says: No love excels the love of the Torah, and no wisdom excels the wisdom of human interactions (derekh eretz).
   Rabbi Eliezer used to say: May you have two principal pursuits in life: one, in the Torah, and the other, in etiquette (i.e. the laws of good society), seeing that anyone who does not occupy himself in the Scripture, nor in etiquette, is not of the civilised world.
A collection known as Hilkot Derekh Ereẓ existed even in the school of Rabbi Akiva (Berakhot 22a); but, as the term "Hilkot" indicates, it was composed entirely of short sentences and rules of behavior and custom, without any references to Jewish Scripture and tradition. Some rules of etiquette are supposed by the Rabbis to have been laid down by the Bible itself. Moses modestly uses the plural in saying to Joshua, "Choose for us men and go fight with Amalek" (Exodus 17:9), though he referred only to himself. By this, the rabbis learnt that whenever a wise man speaks to his congregation, he should not speak in the language of "I" but in the language of "we", so as not to be condescending. This is also the practice of authors or newspaper editors when writing lead articles, speaking in the language of "we."

## Jewish mannerisms

The most basic of biblical tenets and which touch on good manners is the command to stand up before an old man (Leviticus 19:32), particularly, before one who is learned in the Torah. Later, in rabbinic tradition, proper etiquette extended even to the place one takes when walking, in relation to one's superiors. For example, if there were three people walking together, the rabbi takes up the middle position, while he that is esteemed greater than one's self (2nd in rank) takes up the right-most position, while the person who is least amongst them takes up the left-most position. Another of the rabbinic teachings is the importance given to the right-hand side. For instance, at every turn that a man turns, he should strive only to make a right turn, etc. Moreover, whenever one is scheduled to meet with a great and respectable man, before going to such a meeting, he is supposed to change his clothes, and dress appropriately for the occasion.
Good manners are often associated with one's manner of speech, while people of refined character will not shout or scream when speaking, nor will they raise their voices excessively. In addition, the people of Israel are admonished not to bring their fellow Jew to public shame, but to safeguard his personal dignity. Shaming or insulting others in public is to be strictly avoided, and if it was necessary to reprimand or reprove another person, this was always done in private. Persons of refined character will also shun any appearance of wrongdoing. For example, they will avoid making a phone call in a public bar and nightclub, if their mere entrance into that bar and nightclub will bring them into ill-repute.

## Common greetings

One's manner of speech has always played a major role in Jewish etiquette, a manner of speech that is meant to highlight one's more refined and urbane character traits, and where it is mainly guided by respect, humility and modesty. In some cultures this is known as "beautified speech," or "elegant speech."
The common greeting said when one greets his neighbour after rising from sleep in the morning is (צפרך טוב = ṣafrakh ṭoḇ), literally meaning, "May your morning be good" (Good morning!). The response to the greeting is (צפרך טוב ומבורך = ṣafrakh ṭoḇ ū-meḇorakh), "May your morning be good and blessed". If it were a rabbi that one greeted in the morning, the common blessing is (צפרא דמארי טב = ṣafra demori ṭaḇ, "May the rabbi have a good morning."). If a person meets his friend, in addition to asking about his well-being, he should also ask about the well-being of his children and household and the state of his affairs, because this leads to love and affection when his friend sees that he is interested in his situation and seeks his well-being. Rabbi Culi learnt this measure of etiquette from Jacob the patriarch (Gen. 37:14), who sent out his son Joseph, requesting that he go see if it was well with his brothers and with the flock.
Whenever a person met up with his neighbour, whether on a weekday or on a Sabbath day, the customary words at greeting him are (שלום עליכם = šalom ʻaleikhem), literally meaning, "Peace be unto you." The expression is always used in the plural tense, even if there was only one man whom he met. The saying was traditionally used when greeting one's neighbour after the morning prayer. The traditional reply given in return is, (עליכם שלום וברכה = šalom ʻaleikhem u'ḇrakhah), meaning, "Unto you may there be peace and a blessing." After departing the synagogue where prayer was just held, the common greeting said to one's neighbour is (תִּשָׁמע תפלתך = tišamaʻ tǝfillathakh), literally meaning, "May your prayer be heard." To this, he replies (ואתה תיענה ותיעתר בתפלה = we-attah teʻaneh we-theʻather batǝfillah), meaning, "And may you be answered and be appeased in the prayer."
When greeting one's rabbi throughout the remainder of the day, he says (מרי שלום עליכם = mori, šalom ʻaleikhem), meaning, "Mori (Rabbi), peace be unto you," or he may say (שלום עליך, רבי = šalom ʻalekha, rebbi), meaning, "Peace be unto you, my rabbi." The greeter, in this case, will place the palm of his right hand over his own heart and make a slight bow of courtesy, out of respect for his Rabbi. The Rabbi, in turn, will usually answer him in kind, by responding: (עליכם שלום וברכה = ʻaleikhem šalom u'ḇrakha), "May peace and a blessing be upon you." When a person takes leave of his rabbi, he must ask permission from his rabbi to do so. When taking leave of a friend, however, whether the friend is older or younger, common respect and good etiquette is to inform him that you are leaving, by saying: (הריני נפטר = hareinī nifṭar), meaning, "Be apprised that I'm leaving."
A popular expression said whenever a person sees another person studying Torah is (חייך לפניך = ḥayekha lefanekha), meaning, "Your life is before you!" The person studying will duly respond by saying, in respect, (כי הוא חייך ואורך ימיך = kī hū ḥayekha we-orekh yamekha), meaning, "For it is your life and the prolonging of your days," an allusion to the biblical verse in Deuteronomy 30:20. After nightfall, the common greeting is to say (רמשך טוב = ramšakh ṭoḇ), meaning, "May your evening be good." The reply to this is (רמשך טוב ומבורך = ramšakh ṭoḇ u'meḇorakh), meaning, "May your evening be good and blessed."

### Holiday greetings

On any of the three major Jewish holidays (Passover, Shavu'ot and Sukkot), the common greeting between a man and his neighbour is to say: (תזכה לשנים רבות ומועדים טובים = "May you be merited with many more years and with good holidays"). The response to the same greeting is: (בחייך ובימיך הטובים = "During your lifetime and in your own good days"). On the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah), the common blessing said to one's neighbour in greeting him is: (תיכתב בספר החיים ובספר הזיכרון = "May you be inscribed in the Book of Life and in the Book of Remembrance"). The response to the same greeting is: (ואתה תיכתב בספר החיים ובספר הזיכרון = "And may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and in the Book of Remembrance").
On the night of the Sabbath, the common greeting to one's neighbour is to say: (שבת שלום = šabbat šalom), which has the meaning of "A Sabbath of peace!" The response to the same greeting is: (עליך ועל כל ישראל = ʻalekha we-ʻal kol yisrael), meaning, "Upon you and upon all of Israel." On each new lunar month in the Hebrew calendar, the traditional geeeting is to say to one's neighbour: (חודש טוב עליך = ḥodeš ṭoḇ ʻalekha), meaning, "May a good month be upon you." This is followed by the reply: (ועליך ועל כל ישראל = we-ʻalekha we-ʻal kol yisrael), meaning, "And may the same be upon you and all of Israel."

## Euphemisms, nicknames and flowery speech

A sign of Hebrew literary excellence is the ability of speakers to interweave in their daily conversation verses taken from the Hebrew Bible, such that "the language is rife with biblical allusions, that is, the insertion of verses and parts of verses into their speech, a phenomenon that is common and seen as a humorous rhetorical device." These interjections are usually "in response to an existing situation, or they would say a verse with deliberate distortion to suit a specific event."
Typically, religious Jews will not make use of vulgar language. This was seen as essential in adding refinement to one's manner of speech. If, in a conversation, there was a need to mention one's privy place, they would seek the least offensive way of saying so. The vestiges of ancient etiquette have also revealed themselves in their manner of expressions or utterances. In what follows are a few examples:
If someone needed to mention the membrum virile, he would say for that organ (בְּרִית = bǝrīth), a reference to the "covenant" of circumcision. The Yemenite Jew did not call a donkey by its name, but rather gave to it a euphemism, "beast of burden" (נושא אדם = lit. carrier of man). Instead of saying "toilet", which word carries with it certain negative connotations, Jews in Yemen would say, (בֵּית הַכָּבוֹד = bayth ha-koḇodh), being a euphemism for "outhouse" or "toilet facilities," and literally meaning, "the house of glory," so as not to accustom oneself in speaking vulgar words. A word that is more commonly used to denote the same is (בית הכסא = bayth ha-kisei), literally, "house of the stool."
The word "lewd woman" ("harlot" or "whore") was much too harsh of a word to say, therefore the euphemism (מוכנת = mukhanath) was used for her, literally meaning "she that is ready." In other places, they made use of the word (יצאנית = yeṣ’ānīth) for her, meaning "she that goes out."
A cemetery or graveyard was not called by its Modern Hebrew expression, בית הקברות = bayt ha-kǝḇarot, but rather by its euphemism, (בית החיים = bayth ha-ḥayyim), meaning, "the house of the living." Instead of saying "so-and-so has died," or "he is dead," words that were seen as too harsh to say, they would say "so-and-so has passed-on" or "he passed-on" (הוא עבר = hū ʿaḇar), or what is also in today's Modern Hebrew, (הוא נפטר = hū nifṭar), "he has been dismissed; sent-off [into the other world]."

## Language of appeasement

The expression, (חוץ מכבודך = ḥūṣ mikǝḇodakh), is often used in the Hebrew register, or what is a flowery way of saying "I beg your pardon," or "Forgive me [for saying]" etc. Considered a very respectful way of telling another person that his views or actions are unacceptable, and which is usually followed by an explanation as to why it is unacceptable. It is used also as a preface whenever a speaker is about to say something which may be perceived by the listener as offensive, and the person speaking wishes to preemptively warn the listener that he is about to say something that is offensive (e.g. a toilet; a dog; feces; shoes, etc.).
Another expression is (בעונות = be-ʿawonot), meaning, "On account of [our] iniquities" --- said by the person who has just heard bad news (disaster, destruction, divorce and broken homes, etc.) and by saying so is meant to show regret, on the one hand, yet justify God's judgments and dealings with man, on the other.
In Jewish etiquette, invectives are never used against the people of Israel, but if anyone wished to denounce something done by the nation of Israel, he alters his speech and says, "The enemies of Israel (שונאיהן של ישראל‎ = soneihen shel yisrael) have done such-and-such", without specifically railing against Israel.

## Terms of endearment

In most Jewish communities, a man did not call his spouse by her personal name, but rather coined a term of endearment for that spouse, such as with the Jews of Yemen who would use the phrase, (יַא-הֵי = Ya-He), lit. "O, you!". This was also done out of respect. Its practice was often used by, both, Jewish men and women alike when addressing one another, without mentioning the other's name. A man might also call his wife, Imma (אמא = "mother"), while the woman may call her husband Abba (אבא = "father"). Sometimes a wife would simply call her husband by his family name, such as (יא כהן = "Ya Cohen!"), lit. "O Cohen!" and he would sometimes call her by her family name (e.g. bath Levi, meaning "daughter of Levi"). If her husband was a Rabbi, she would often call her husband by the epithet, (יא מורי = "Ya mori!") (lit. O, Rabbi!). If the man had to mention his wife in front of others, he'd say (האשה = "ha-išah") (lit. "the wife"). If his wife had to mention her husband in front of others, she'd say (הוא = "hū") (lit. the pronoun "he"). The general rule of practice was that it was always held as improper to call one's spouse by his or her first name. Coining a phrase or nick-name for one's spouse was also meant to instruct children not to call their parents by their first names, out of respect and awe for their parents.
Similarly, when speaking to a rabbi or to a superior, one showed extra respect. For example, he would never say to his rabbi, 'You said, such and such" [= אתה אמרת‎] (in the second-person), as this was seen as being too direct, or what sounded confrontational. Rather, he would say: 'The rabbi has said' [= הרב אמר‎] (third-person), or 'his honor has said', etc. [= כבודו אמר‎]. The Bach (Yoreh De'ah 242:6) seems to believe that while such a practice (referring to one's teacher in third-person) is appropriate, it is not an absolute requirement, and therefore if one wishes to greet his rabbi, he may say, Shalom to you, my Rabbi; or if one is having an extended conversation with his teacher and a younger person wishes to correct his teacher or some older person, the younger person can say to the older person, "But did you not teach us, such-and-such?" (again, second-person, without using strong and harsh words of renunciation).
An older man, when addressing a youth or a younger man, will affectionately say to him beni (בני = "son", or "my son"), even though there was no relation between them. When addressing a girl or young lady, the usual custom is to say to her biti (בתי = "my daughter").

## Intimations and facial expressions

The colloquy used by religious Jews in their every-day speech is rich in various body gestures and nuances, each with an intimation and meaning of its own. Some of them are very old, and their memorial comes up in early literary sources.
Formerly, when a child had misbehaved in a serious manner, the parent of that child would show his displeasure by taking hold of his child's right earlobe and flexing it inwards. This action hints at the threat of punishment awaiting the child. The basis for this hand gesture can be traced to the words of Israel's Sages, in Tractate Semaḥot (2:4–6). After a child had gone off and committed suicide because of his fear of being punished, it was declared: "Let no man show to a small child [his displeasure] by holding his ear, but rather spank him immediately, or else let him remain silent, and not say anything to him." Rabbeinu Asher explained: "His father frightened him, by threatening that he would not go unpunished for his mishap, in that he took hold of his ear, in the same way that they beat small children and drag them by their ears." The story, as related there, tells of how two fathers had shown their displeasure towards their sons by holding on to their ears. One had broken a vial on the Sabbath and the other ran away from school. Both boys, being frightened by what they had done, went off and committed suicide by falling into cisterns. Among Yemenite Jews, the practice of bending a child's ear was still prevalent as late as the 20th-century, and called by them in the Yemenite-Arabic dialect "chabzeh."
Resting the cheeks on the palm of the hand symbolized mourning and sorrow. A person who makes this gesture without realizing it on the Sabbath day or holiday is scorned by his onlookers. The memorial of this action was discovered in the lamentation, Ašer tešeḇ (אשר תשב‎) composed by Solomon ibn Gabirol. In the lament's introduction, the poet describes a young woman who grieves heavily over the parting of her loved one, as if she had been bereaved of her firstborn son. "She then sighed and put a hand to her cheek, and she was bitter, as those who weep bitterly for their firstborn."

## Use of honorifics

* A man never calls his rabbi by his first name, unless he were first to add an honorific title before the rabbi's name, such as Mori (= rabbi), or Adhoni (= my lord), etc. Gehazi was punished because he did not make use of an honorific title while addressing his rabbi.
* (מורי ורבי = morī we-rebbī), literally meaning, "My lord and my rabbi," the honorific titles commonly given to a rabbi when addressing him. The order may also be reversed, rebbī we-morī. One uses such honorifics when talking directly to one's interlocutor, or even when referring to an unrelated third party in speech.
* The word, (אֲדוֹנִי = adhonī), is used as an honorific title, to show respect to one's elders; literally meaning, "my lord" (in the lower case), was often used when addressing one's grandfather, meaning either, "my grandfather," or in some cases, "my [maternal] uncle".
* (דוד = dod), often used as a title of respect for any elderly man, unrelated to oneself; literally meaning one's "paternal uncle," and used for the same.(דודה = dodah), same as above, meaning "auntie," used as a title of respect for any elderly woman, unrelated to oneself.
* (תלמיד = talmīd), a title which, in Yemen, was applied to any older person who took upon himself to study the more arcane religious topics of ritual slaughter, etc. Today, the word in Modern Hebrew has come to mean any pupil, or "student," even small children.
* (אבא מורי = abba morī), lit. "my father [and] my mentor;" or (אדוני אבי = adhonī aḇī), lit. "My lord, my father." Said when speaking to others about one's own father, whether he is living or deceased, whether in verbal conversation, or in written letters of communication. The expression can be used by itself, without having mentioned his father's name, or is written before or after writing one's father's name. If his father is already deceased, he adds the words (זכרונו לברכה = zikhrono liḇrakhah), meaning, "of blessed memory."
Even though honorifics are used for persons of authority, they are used with utmost sincerity. No man should ever use these terms or others like them to ingratiate himself with a man of power or with a man of wealth, or with any titular head through flattery, in order that he might gain something thereby, such as food, drink, clothing, work, and the like.

## Common respect for parents, teachers and elders

A child does not sit in a special chair or seat reserved for his father (an exercise of filial piety). This would apply also to a student; any seat that is used strictly by one's teacher a student will never sit in that seat, even jokingly, as it is seen as a show of disrespect for either one's parent or teacher.
An elderly man that enters a house or a room is quickly greeted by having all those who are younger and who are present in that house to stand-up on their feet (had they been sitting), until he passes them or sits down in his place. If the man sitting was very old in age, and older than the person entering, it is not necessary that he stand-up, but often he will nod out of a show of respect, and the one passing before him will also nod out of respect or extend his hand to the one sitting.

## Conduct in places of worship

The Jewish custom of old was to take-off one's shoes immediately prior to entering the synagogue, a custom that has only recently disappeared by some communities following their immigration to the land of Israel after 1948.
When a man rises up to the reading dais on the Sabbath day, to read from the Torah scroll during the weekly lection, all of his sons, grandchildren and younger brothers in the synagogue remain standing upon their feet, each man in his place, until the reader completes his appointed reading. When he begins to say the final blessing after reading the parasha, they all sit down again. If the person going up to read from the Torah was a talmid hacham (disciple of the Sages), his son-in-laws would also remain standing until he concludes his reading.
A person who goes inside a public building, such as a synagogue, etc., unless he owns there a private seat or chair, he is to take up a seat that is befitting him, or a sitting place that is slightly below his honor, so as not to make himself conspicuous. This is in keeping with the biblical injunction: "It is better to be told, 'Come up here,' than to be put lower in the presence of a noble" (Proverbs 25:7).

## Table etiquette

Dining etiquette is a matter of religious law.
A rule of practice was never to eat or drink while walking or standing. In Yemenite Jewish culture this rule was reinforced with the dictum: "No one drinks while standing, except the donkey." Moreover, it was considered bad manners to eat in public places, such as in the marketplace. Rather, one ate only in the confines of his own house or in the house of his host. Those who took little regard to this rabbinic stricture and who would eat unabashedly in the marketplace were libeled as incompetent to bear witness in a Jewish court of law, since such people were generally seen as shameless. (Modern-day inns, hotels and restaurants are generally thought not to be under such strictures). If it were absolutely necessary that a person drink in a public place, he would sit down and turn his head away, in the direction where he was less likely to be seen, and only then would he drink.
Although tables were not in common use in ancient Israel, as most families gathered to eat while reclining on the floor and eating from a common dish or bowl, still, table manners were seen at that place.
The Shulchan Arukh codifies the requirement to wash one's hands with water before eating bread. If the supper was a ceremonial meal with many gathered to eat together, the host who serves them will make rounds, going from guest to guest with a water jug, basin and hand towel, starting with the most distinguished of the quests, so that each can wash his hands without the necessity of having to get up from his place. The common response said after one had been given water to wash his hands is (יעבדוך עמים = yaʻaḇdūkha ʻamīm), "May the peoples serve you," to which response, the one who administered the water will answer him, (ישתחוו לך לאומים = yištaḥawwū lekha leʾūmīm), "May the nations bow down before you."
Those who are invited to eat during a celebratory meal are not permitted to begin eating or to recite the blessing themselves until the most respected and revered person in the group (i.e. the rabbi, or the bridegroom, etc.) recites the blessing.
Observant Jews, while eating, will keep communication around the table to a bare minimum, almost maintaining complete silence, in keeping with the rabbinic dictum, "The hour of eating is an hour of warfare," explained as "lest the windpipe precedes the esophagus" (i.e. the intake of food is inadvertently channeled down the windpipe, instead of the gullet, and he chokes thereby). People who converse while eating are more prone to have this happen to them. Words of Torah were exchanged after concluding the meal, before reciting the Grace over the meal.
When bread is served at the table, the refined person will break-off a small portion of the bread with his hand, sufficient enough to be consumed at one time in his mouth, and only then will he proceed to eat it. Unlike the custom of Ashkenaz whose practice is to cut the Sabbath Challah with a knife, the Yemenite Jewish custom strictly avoids laying a knife to bread, but breaks the bread with his hands. Moreover, those reclining to eat food together are always calm and relaxed, the proper dining etiquette being to chew one's food slowly and in a prolonged manner. (Formerly, the entire Jewish family would lounge together around a low-lying table, eating usually from a common dish. In Yemenite Jewish dining etiquette, cutlery was not used at the dinner table; each man eating with his fingers and a sop. For this reason, diners took extra care to ensure that their fingernails were cropped and hands clean). Diners eating in this fashion took precaution that the tips of their fingers did not touch the soup itself, nor would the diners lick their fingers in the course of the meal.
When meat was served at that table and was placed in a common dish, no person would put forth his hand to take a portion of the meat, until the host or master of the house had first done so at that table. Meat was almost always served near the conclusion of eating that meal. If a man were being poured a drink, it was customary for the person being served to say to the one serving him, (ברוך מי שהכוס מידו = Borūkh mī šǝ-hakōs mi-yadō), meaning, "Blessed is he from whose hand is the cup." The response by the one who pours the drink is (ברוך שותהו = Borūkh šothehū), meaning, "Blessed is he that drinks it." When drinking from the cup, one is careful not to drink the contents of the cup or glass in a hurry, all at once, so as not to appear as being gluttonous. Rather, he drinks slowly, in at least two gulps (some say at least three gulps).
Whenever a person entered a house and found his hosts seated and drinking arrack or other alcoholic beverages, he would say to his hosts: (תזכו לחיים טובים = tizkū le-ḥayyim toḇīm), literally, "May you be merited with a good life."
If a person belched after a meal, they would say to him: (יהנה בטוב = "Enjoy the good"). The same blessing is also used instead of "Bon Appetit!", or what has now been replaced in Modern Hebrew with: Be-te'aḇon (בתיאבון).
Common courtesy after one's meal is to include the Birkat ha-Oreaḥ (Heb. ברכת האורח) in the Grace said over the meal, in which the guest acknowledges his host and blesses him. The format used is the printed format found in most texts of this Grace. However, the common expressions used for showing one's gratitude to the host are to say either (תזכו = tizkū), meaning "Be merited," or (ברוכים תהיו = berūkhīm tehiyū), meaning, "May you be blessed," or (לעולם תחיו = leʿolam teḥiyū), meaning "May you live forever."
After concluding a meal, if many people dined together, the host went around with a pitcher of water and with a basin for collecting the water and a towel, and he offered to wash the diners' hands (and they would rinse their own hands and wipe their own beards, if necessary) in order to remove any lingering foodstuffs and salt that may cling to them. This final handwashing was performed due to a common belief that if a person put his fingers to his eyes without washing away the residual salt he could become blind.

### Inviting guests

In ordinary Jewish law, it is considered bad manners if a guest who is invited to dine with a person(s) invites another guest; a guest inviting a guest. The homeowner is entitled to invite as many guests as he pleases, but a guest should never invite another guest, as the host will, in most cases, consider this an imposition. Whenever a home owner invited a guest to his house, the home owner entered the house first, and his guest followed behind him. When departing from the house, the guest departed first, while the home owner followed behind him.

## Personal hygiene and conduct in the toilet / bath-house

After relieving one's self in the toilet, it is a well-known Jewish custom to use one's left hand when wiping one's self, while even this too is done with water. The reason being is that the right hand is used for writing the Torah, while water is known to thoroughly cleanse the place.
Jewish men traditionally urinated in a sitting position. This may have been because Jewish men in oriental lands traditionally wore tunics and long, dress-like vestments, and the impracticality of urinating while standing without revealing one's buttocks and privy place. The etiquette of sitting while urinating was reinforced with a local dictum: "No one urinates while standing, except the donkey." The old Jewish practice of sitting while urinating is also alluded to in the Babylonian Talmud (Berakhot 40a). Today, this old etiquette is nearly obsolete because of the western-style trousers with zippers that are worn by Jewish men.
In Jewish orthodox law, for reasons of modesty, whenever a person uses the toilet facility, or bathes himself in a public bath, he does not engage in a conversation with any person on any matter, especially on matters related to Torah, whether those sitting in the Water-Closet (toilet) with him, or those waiting outside. (In former times, when outhouses were removed at a distance from the house, such as in an open field, young women and girls would go out while accompanied with one of their female companions for reasons of personal safety, such as the prevention of mishaps, the one waiting outside the door of the outhouse while the other relieved herself, and these conversing all the while with each other, until the time that they return to their respective places).
Proper etiquette calls for the person who undresses in the public bath-house to cover himself with a sheet or a towel while he is in the dressing chamber. He remains covered in this fashion until he reaches the actual place of bathing. So, too, after he concludes his bath, he covers his nakedness in his sheet or towel until he reaches the dressing chamber, where he puts back on his clothes.
Jewish women that are married will shave their pubic hair, including the hair beneath their armpit. Jewish men are not allowed to do the same.

## Dress codes

Clothing, as anchored in Jewish law, is often a sign of one's identity, and plays an important role in preserving a social hierarchy, as well as to distinguish between religious groups, age, gender, and more. For women and girls, in particular, it has the additional function of instilling in them the rule of discipline and the principle of restraint, of modesty and submission to authority.
A person's outward dress in public was always expected to be clean and without spot, especially if he were a student of the Sages (talmid ḥakham). The widespread Jewish custom or habitude is that every Jewish man or boy dons a hat (not necessarily a brimmed hat), or else a skull-cap (yarmulke), at all times, except when bathing or sleeping. This is done to show his humility towards heaven. In Arab lands, the Jewish custom was for unmarried men and boys to wear a large felt-like hat without a brim and which covered the greater part of their head. The majority of Israel made it an obligation, rather than a "measure of piety," to wear hats or kippot at all times. When a man married, he also wore a habit (now obsolete).
In Jewish etiquette, Jewish women will not wear any predominantly red colored accoutrement, as it attracts undue attention to themselves. The same was the rule of practice in most places throughout Yemen. Modesty was the guiding-factor here, so that a woman would not make herself conspicuous to others. Moreover, throughout world's Jewry, Jewish women that are married will traditionally cover the hair of their heads with a set of head scarves. The Talmud (Baba Kamma 82a) also relates that Ezra the Scribe made ten enactments, one of which being that all Jewish women were to wear a wide waistband or belt (Hebrew: סינָר = senar), whether in the front or back, for the sake of modesty.

## Interpersonal relations

In the language register employed by the Jews of Yemen there are preserved ancient linguistic patterns, especially in the field of blessings and good wishes. These expressions are mostly in Hebrew, since the well-wishers hoped to add some degree of sanctity to their words, for which cause, they drew such words from the vocabulary of their ancestors and repeated them in the holy tongue. The most ancient of these can be found in the corpus of Midrashic literature, while the most recent date back to the period of the Middle-Ages and to the Cairo Geniza fragments. The language of the Torah in Yemenite Jewish communities has not come down to us in the form of "thank you" (Modern Hebrew: תודה), or "thank you very much," but rather, "may you be blessed" (ברוך תהיה = borūkh tehiyeh), or "may he be blessed," or "may they be blessed." Such expressions are used in the writings of the Geonim. The Gaon, Rabbi Samuel ben ʿAli, in one of his letters, says about those communities who lend support to the Babylonian academies, "And concerning those communities, may they be blessed."
Rabbi and ethnographer, Jacob Sapir (1822–1886), who visited Yemen's Jewish community in 1859, noted certain expressions in widespread use among the Jews there, and wrote of his impressions on this wise:
   They are very well accustomed, whenever a man tells his friend [about] his troubles or his aspirations, to reply back unto him in consolation (אהיה אשר אהיה = Eheyeh ašher Eheyeh), literally meaning, "I shall be what I shall be", an allusion to God's ability to affect change, or (אל שדי = El šaddai), meaning, "God Almighty", while this [expression] does not cease from their mouths... Over every speech or statement made, they will say, (ברוך תהיה = borūkh tehiyeh!), meaning, "May you be blessed", or the phrase (ברוך אתה לאדוני = borūkh attah laadhonai), meaning, "Blessed are you unto God", and they are not scrupulous about [infringing upon the commandment that says], Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain.
While Sapir thought it was inappropriate or excessive conduct to mention God's name or one of his attributes in greeting, the Yemenite Jews held that the practice was completely valid, based on a teaching in the Talmud (Berakhoth 54a), which says: "They made it an enactment that a man greet his neighbor by employing God's name, etc."
The expression (בָּרוּךְ תִּהְיֶה = borūkh tehiyeh), or in the plural form (ברוכים תהיו = berūkhīm tehiyū), was often said when leaving someone's house in the daytime, or after listening to a certain statement made by one's friend or friends. The reply given in return was: (אתה ברוך אדוני = attah borūkh adhonai), meaning, "You are blessed of God". Another common expression used when leaving one's neighbour's house is to say, (ואתה ברוך = we-attah borūkh).
Whenever a person sought forgiveness, the Yemenite custom was not to say, "I'm sorry" (Modern Hebrew: סליחה), but rather, "I beg your forgiveness" (מחילה = meḥīlah), to which plea another reply was given, "you are forgiven" (בִּמְחִיל = bimḥīl), or (אתה במחיל = attah bimḥīl). Here, in fact, this word במחיל, whose form looks strange to the Hebrew reader, is found in the Genizah manuscripts. Shelomo Dov Goitein, a researcher of both Yemenite Jewry and the Cairo Geniza manuscripts, has already made mention of it. Following his examination of these manuscripts, he reached the conclusion that many of the linguistic forms common to the Yemenite Jews can be found in the Geniza fragments. When it was necessary to reprove several people at the same and there was concern that someone might take offence, the speaker or writer would say (אתם הסליחה = attem ha-sǝlīḥah), having the connotation of "Excuse me for saying so."
The expression (ברוך הבא = borūkh haba) is said when welcoming a person into one's house, literally meaning, "Blessed is he that comes" (Welcome!). The response by the guest is traditionally (ברוך הנמצא = borūkh hannimṣa), "Blessed is he that is present." In contrast, whenever a person took leave of his friend at night (such as when he retires to sleep, or leaves his neighbor's house at night), the host would say to his departing friend or guest, (תלין בטוב = talīn bǝṭoḇ) (sing.), or if there were two or more persons, (תלינו בטוב = talīnū bǝṭoḇ) (plural), literally meaning "rest well." To this, the departing guest replied to his host, (תקיץ ברחמים = takīṣ bǝraḥamīm) (sing.), meaning, "may you rise in mercy." If the hosts were more than one person, the guest would answer, (תקיצו ברחמים = takīṣū bǝraḥamīm) (pl.). The word (תזכו = tizkū), literally meaning, "May you be merited," is the common blessing said after another person performed for him a benevolent act (act of kindness), or even when he has only heard of a man's good deeds.
If a man departed another's house during the day, the one leaving would say to his host (שלום עליכם = šalom ʻaleikhem), "May peace be upon you!" The response given in return by one's host is (לֵך לשלום = lekh le-šalom), literally, "Go in peace." A man of refined character will not overstay his welcome, nor visit his friend's house or neighbour's house in excess of what is considered normal, in keeping with the biblical injunction: "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbour's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you" (Proverbs 25:17).
In public events, Jewish men and woman, including boys and girls, sat in separate company; the sexes did not mingle together, out of a display of modesty. Even in houses of merriment, women sat separately from the men. In Yemen, as in most Jewish communities, it was considered a "misconduct of social norms" for Jewish men and women to sing together and to dance together. However, in the confines of a man's house, where the proprietor of the house sat at the dinner table with his wife and children on the Sabbath day and holidays, they were permitted to sing hymns and para-liturgical songs together.
Whenever an audience gathered together for some religious or ceremonial occasion, if at the outset the functionary duties of those organizing the event happened to be delayed for some reason, and since sitting quietly is understood as public derogation, the audience would recite a hymn or hymns from the Book of Psalms while waiting.
Persons of the same household, as well as guests, will never enter a shut door of a room within a house (even if it were their own house, and even if the door was unlocked) unless they first knocked at that door. This was done to prepare others mentally about one's pending entry into the house or room, and not to catch others by surprise. It was also in keeping with Rabbi Akiva's instructions to his son, viz., never to enter his own house on a sudden (Babylonian Talmud, Pesaḥīm 112a).
If a person found his neighbour worn-out and disheartened for any reason, he would encourage him by saying, (תנצל מכל צרה = tinnaṣel mikol ṣarah), "May you be delivered from all trouble," to which he responds with the same words in reverse order, (מכל צרה תנצל = mikol ṣarah tinnaṣel), literally, "From all trouble you shall be spared."

### Jewish women

An exemplar learnt from Rav Chisda's daughter was that if a Jewish woman needed to visit her neighbour's house for any reason and knocked at the front door, for modesty and for the sake of appearance, she would not call out to the man of the house to open the front door, neither mention his name. Rather, she would call out to the man's wife or to a female occupant of that house. In addition, Jewish women will abstain from wearing a predominantly red colored accoutrement, as it attracts undue attention to themselves (see Dress codes). Jewish women, during their natural purgation (menses) will not pass objects directly to their husbands, nor husbands to their wives, in an effort to avoid physical contact.

## Writing etiquette

Formal writing is a prominent feature in early Jewish letters of communication, in which the opening lines are usually styled in a rhymed, flowery speech, and one that usually praises its recipient. A few of the more common forms of rhymed addresses in a letter's opening are as follows: (A principal person's greeting): "An abundance of peace, even a thousand-fold and ten thousand-fold, from He that dwells in the heavens; may they reach and come before my beloved, he that is the delight of mine eye, like the valleys of brooks that are spread out, even unto him that is near to my heart, but far from mine eye, [he that is like] an ornament of grace upon my neck; he that is of a good name, who is like unto a green tree, God will also provide for him what is good, even our honorable and dear [so-and-so], etc."
The quintessential Jewish expression, (שלמכון יסגא לעלמין = šelomkhōn yisğei le-ʻolǝmīn), or what is understood as, "May your peace be multiplied always," is a form of formal address often used in letter writing, and which is written in Aramaic. The phrase is often abbreviated in letter-writing, שי"ל. Between the formal opening lines of the letter and its main content, there is an intermediate statement found in most letters of etiquette, namely, "After having sought your peace and well-being" (אחרי דרישת שלומך וטובתך = aḥǝrei dǝrišath šǝlomkha we-ṭoḇathkha), often abbreviated אחדש"ו. Those who wrote letters in Yemen, whenever they came to express their longing for the recipient of the letter, they made note of it with the banal phrase, "I lack naught except to see your dear face." This style of language is a legacy from the Middle-Ages. Rabbi Meir Abulafia (13th-century) wrote in a letter to Rabbi Yehuda b. Mattithiah: "And I have nothing new to inform you, the king's daughter is all glorious within, her clothing is of wrought gold; there is naught that she lacks, except to see your face." Some see this as authentic Jewish mannerisms of speech preserved by Jews the world over, a manner of speech also discovered in letters of communications found in the Cairo Geniza. This, too, is a testament to the antiquity that symbolizes the very foundations of their culture.
Whenever the city of Jerusalem was mentioned in pieces of correspondence or in a book, the name "Jerusalem" is almost always followed by the abbreviation ת"ו‎, short for תִּבָּנֶה וְתִכּוֹנֵן; e.g. (ירושלים ת"ו = yǝrūšalayim tiboneh wethikonen), meaning, "Jerusalem, may it be rebuilt and re-established."

### Valedictions and Terms of contritement

Such expressions, mostly used as valedictions in letters of communication before signing one's name, are common with the Jewish nation. The idea behind such words is to show humility, and to always bear in mind the rabbinic admonition: "Be exceedingly lowly in spirit." The most typical of these expressions are as follows:
* (הצעיר = ha-ṣaʿīr), meaning "The Younger", written before signing one's name;
* (סְיָן טִין = siyan ṭīn), Aramaic for "He that is but mire and clay", and what is often only abbreviated in letters (ס"ט). The expression is an allusion to Jonathan ben Uzziel's Aramaic translation of Isaiah 57:20, and is usually written after signing one's name;
* (הקטן = ha-qaṭan), or sometimes (הקל = ha-qal), meaning, "He that is least", and written before signing one's name;
* (שפל מאד = šǝfal mǝʾod), meaning, "A man of very low stature."
The common practice is to sign one's name, "so-and-so" the son of "so-and-so." Occasionally, the signatories will make use of the abbreviated expression, (יצ"ו = yišmǝro ṣūro wiyoṣǝro), meaning, "May his Rock and Creator preserve him," instead of the typical ending, "He that is but mire and clay." On other occasions, especially in court documents (e.g. title-deeds), one's deceased father's name is signed with the addition of (יש"ל = yǝḥī šǝmo le-ʻolam), meaning, "May his name live forever."
When speaking to others about one's own accomplishments, one does not say of himself, "I did such-and-such a thing," but will say rather, "We did such-and-such a thing," or "We wrote such-and-such a thing," or "We gave orders that such-and-such a thing be done," or "We spoke to so-and-so," so as not to draw undue attention to one's own self, nor to make himself appear to be condescending.

## The Evil eye

Avoiding the affects of the "evil eye" was part and parcel of Jewish etiquette. The superstitious belief in the affects of the "evil eye" was so pervasive in many Jewish cultures that the parents would say for a beautiful, fair-skinned daughter that she was (בְּלָאָה = belo'oh), literally meaning "rag," or some other disagreeable term, rather than say to others that she was a beauty, so that she would not be ill-affected by the evil-eye. The word used here is Arabic, equivalent to the Hebrew סְחָבָה. (The same idea is used in the Scripture when referring to Moses having taken an "Ethiopian woman," and whom Rashi in his commentary on Numbers 12:1 says, by way of an exegesis, was actually a Midianite woman and very beautiful.) A beautiful and healthy child would sometimes wear an amulet to protect him from the 'evil-eye' and other maladies.